0:21🔗
Drew
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1 tonight. I'm delighted to welcome into the studio Tom Arnold, the one, the only.
0:34🔗
Drew
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to pull you out. I know you've had The Tonight Show tonight. You've probably been working since 4 in the morning or something.
0:39🔗
Tom Arnold
He was in Chicago this weekend. It's been great. What we're doing there. Promoting The Kid and I, which is a movie that comes out December 2nd.
0:49🔗
Tom Arnold
I did. This is an interesting project because my next door neighbor in real life is a kid with cerebral palsy.
0:56🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah. About 8 years ago, I was going through a divorce and not working. At night, I'd sit in my backyard and smoke cigars. One night, this kid yelled. He just moved in. Hey, Tom, what's up? I said nothing. I couldn't see him. He's behind the wall. What's up with you? Not much. His dad would be like, Eric, get in the house. I was like, okay, I'll see you tomorrow night, Tom. Just nice, young kid. Well, funny, you know, every night he'd be out there, funny, he yelled, hey, I don't care what everybody says about you. I like you. You know, so I was like, that gotta be this kid. So I meet him and he's this marvelous kid. We became friends. And three years ago, his father is very successful man.
1:36🔗
Drew
Now, let's set the stage a bit. The cerebral palsy just affects his motor function, not his cognition.
1:41🔗
Tom Arnold
I would say, well, I mean, he has ADHD for sure, like I do, except maybe one level worse, perhaps. Yeah. But he when he tries, I mean, he can focus. And it would, you know, if he, what he tries, he could do it because he, you know, but anyway, his father called me and said, my son is an actor. He, he's seen True Lies a hundred times and he, he wants to be in an action movie like that. I'd like to hire you to write a script for you and him. And I was like, well, great. So he's some tape on your son. And it was his son. I thought he had another son, but it was his kid. Wow. And he was at the Strasburg Institute, a summer program doing Shakespeare. How old is he? And he was, you know, at this time, like 17. And, you know, he was very small, too. But he's great. And I said to which his dad and I said, the dad is still the level of confidence of this kid that is far superior to anything you or I have. If he believes he can do anything. So I said, I'll write a movie, but it's got to be about this real thing. And I'll take it from I'm an actor that hasn't worked since he did a movie like, let's say, True Lies ten years ago and is about to commit suicide. Not because he's sad. You know, it's just because it's the thing to do.
2:59🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, yeah, he's leaving. He doesn't admit it, but it's a way to leave some mark. Maybe get his picture at the Oscar thing. He has no friends or family.
3:09🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, exactly. Eddie, you know, it's a very narcissistic thing, as you know, suicide. But it goes wrong when he, his last great gesture is giving his clothes to a homeless guy because everything he does is, and the homeless guy steals half of his drugs and he only goes into a coma.
3:30🔗
Tom Arnold
But he brings him into his little apartment. He's got everything locked up. You know, he's paid his bills. He owes nobody. He's got his tombstone. He's planned it out perfectly. And this homeless guy takes that and he only goes into some sort of coma. So his agent finds him, Henry Winkler, and says, got great news. An agent has to talk to him in 10 years. It's your comeback. It's like true lies, except Arnold's not in it. And this kid is very talented. He doesn't tell me the kid has cerebral palsy till I go over to the kid's house and meet the kid. And Joe Montaneos, the dad, is a chandelier with a step mom. And the kid comes down the stairs and I say, oh my God, I'm being punked. I'm being punked. It's very awkward. But it is real. And this kid is so funny. He did take all the acting stuff. He did. And so I said when I started to write the movie, I said, you know, I'm going to make this about a real relationship. Okay. And what do you want to accomplish in this movie? And he said, well, I want to write a Harley. You know, I want to jump out of an airplane. Yeah. He gets all the things he never done. He goes, I want to beat up bad people. I said, well, what bad people? He goes, drug dealers. Drugs are bad. I said, yeah, drugs are bad. He goes, I want to help the homeless. But he'd always end by saying, and I want to kiss a girl in a hot tub like an MTV. So that's when I knew he had a movie because his mother is very conservative. She lives in Michigan. She only knows me from the E! True Hollywood story of my first marriage. She would not speak to me. She was scared to death that her little boy who weighed a pound and a half when he was born, people didn't think he would survive, is now going to be in Hollywood where his dad lives with Tom Arnold. And I don't blame her. I do not blame her. But I knew that that's what he wanted, like every other 17, 18 year old boy. And so that's what the movie became about.
5:16🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, we start off, we're going to start in probably 50 theaters. But you'll see it. You'll see the commercial will be everywhere. I can't wait to see it. He studies true lies during the movie. He does all his own studs. He worked really hard. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie D. Curtis make a cameo. And I always wanted to do True Lies 2. Arnold Schwarzenegger. He had to sneak away from the office. And Shaq is our other neighbor in the neighborhood where we live. And he's in it. And a woman named Brenda Strong, who I did not know before, she's a desperate housewife, came in audition to be the mother, the kid's mother, that's kind of against me. So every time something happened in this process of writing the script, every time I got some bad vibes from the mom suggesting, you know, I put it into the script. And finally, what I did to get even was I had the mother fall in love with me and just, you know, we had to actually kiss in the movie. But it was wonderful because the real truth is what he wanted was to kiss a girl. He'd never kissed a girl in his real life.
6:15🔗
Drew
But when we get down to it, that's one of the goals of anybody. To be in films or be in a celebrity and stuff, right?
6:20🔗
Tom Arnold
But I also kept saying, this kid, you know, I know he's special, but he's also like a regular kid. And I can always relate because when he was born, at one and a half pounds, nobody said, oh my God, he's going to grow up. He's going to go to Hollywood. He'll be a movie. They, you know, they were lucky that he survived. And when I was his age, now I worked in the meatpacking plant. Nobody said, oh, look at Arnold in the ham bone.
6:47🔗
Tom Arnold
He loved every second. He reminded me that I was lucky to have a job. I mean, he showed up every day and worked so hard. And we've been doing the press tour. It is so funny to do a press with this kid because he's not real media savvy. They'll say, what did you do this movie? He'll say, well, 10 years ago, I was watching TV in Michigan. I saw True Lies and I knew one day I would move to Hollywood and Tom Arnold would touch me. And I was like, oh, please finish the sentence. And he goes, oh, I'm sorry. I knew that Tom Arnold and Arnold Schwarzenegger would touch me. So, you know, we got a lot of a lot of great people. Ariel Campbell plays the the girl that he falls falls low at first screenplay that you've had produced. It's the first one produced. Yeah. And so it turned out great. It could be coming up. December 2nd premiere. Premiere is the 28th of this November. Yeah. You want to come?
7:40🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah. Well, we'll see you in New York. I'll go to New York. When are you in New York?
7:45🔗
Tom Arnold
I'll be there the whole week to do a show with Conan on 29th. We'll get together. You and I will get together anyway.
7:55🔗
Tom Arnold
When you think about Penelope Spirits, who directed Wade's World and more the decline of Western civilization one and two. She's this rock chick. He had such a good combination of people and got a lot of help. I am proud. I'm proud of this kid.
8:14🔗
Drew
It's hard to accept. Now, let's do a sidebar on that for a second. Because you were just before we go on the air, Tom had just said to me that mostly he's not trying to impress anybody more except his wife.
8:31🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, I will take them from her, from other people is sort of painful because it feels like I don't deserve it. So, but I'm getting better at that. Like, you know, I did a movie called Happy Endings. It came out this summer that did really well critically and people were praising. It got a lot of good positive stuff. And it seems a lot of times it's easier to respond to the negative stuff.
8:54🔗
Drew
Right. And if you get positive deflected, it was only the other actors. It was the direction of the writing.
8:58🔗
Tom Arnold
And let me say something about my wife, too, that's happened. You may be interested in this six weeks ago. I don't know why this happened, but I've been in a lot of fear. We've been remodeling and the price is tripled. And I have financial fear. I'm fear of not working enough. I have fear of a lot of things. But she all of a sudden took a very serious sexual interest in me, my wife, that she had never had before. Yes. Like crazy. So I started thinking, wow, is this a hormone imbalance? Whatever it is, it's good. And she initiates it, which she never did. I mean, like, and so I don't care that I'm going to grow. Maybe that's what it is, but I don't care that.
9:35🔗
Tom Arnold
Is that what it is? Yeah, but whatever it is, I don't care as much about the money and I mean, it is such a base thing.
9:42🔗
Drew
So the fact that she is interested in you sexually makes everything else not important. Yeah, that's the most important thing right now.
9:48🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, because I'll tell you what, it always is in the back of my mind that I would never, because I consider cheating like it's not impossible, but I take it one day at a time, just like my alcohol and drugs, which I'll almost have 60 years, but I know if I did cheat on her, that it's a house of cards. I'd be dead, and I'd be dead. I don't do it because I'm a saint guy that never crosses my mind.
10:09🔗
Tom Arnold
I don't want to die, and I don't want to be the bad guy. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I don't want to be the guy that hurts her feelings. If anybody's going to be the bad guy, yeah, it's got to be her. She's going to be the bad guy.
10:21🔗
Drew
We'll talk later in the show about why that is. I know why that is. Another thing that keeps ringing in my head right now, when you were way down and you were stimulating, you were in the cocaine, you should have talked about how you got so psychotic that you were looking in the mirror, pulling the film off the white part of your eye and trying to cut it.
10:41🔗
Tom Arnold
But at the same time, I thought that the mirror was a camera and I was doing a documentary on the drug use, so I would talk to the mirror, I know you're there because I was smarter. I know you're watching me, so I'm in on this, psycho. Good times.
11:05🔗
Caller
Okay. I've been having an affair with a guy for about four or five months now. He's 22. He's had a girlfriend that lives with him for about six months now, and him and I are really interested in each other. He apparently got her pregnant. She's about three months pregnant now, and today she was supposed to get her abortion. I just want to know if I should stick around with this guy because he seems sincere enough.
11:33🔗
Drew
Well, let's add the score up. See, he's living with another woman. He's a father. He's 22.
11:38🔗
Caller
He's living with his parents, and she's living with him because her parents are out of health.
11:42🔗
Drew
Oh, I mean, this is adding up to be a wonderful young man. I mean, what's there to miss out on here?
11:47🔗
Tom Arnold
Is he doing it out of honor? Is that why he's been living with his pregnant girlfriend?
11:53🔗
Caller
Well, he's been with her for two years. He obviously still cares about her. He wants her to be safe, so...
11:59🔗
Drew
Why don't you find a guy... Why do you have to have this guy? Why don't you find a guy that's actually available?
12:04🔗
Caller
I don't know. The last couple of guys I've somehow gotten involved with were all involved with other girls.
12:15🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, here's the thing. As you know, this will never work because you've got it... You know, relationships like this... What I've found in the movies, you know, when Johnny Cash hooks up with... with what's-her-name, the girl that... the Reese Witherspoon character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His wife. Yeah. That happens sometimes. That ends up working for 35 years. But in real life...
12:50🔗
Tom Arnold
And it sort of, it ended up working out. In this situation, this guy is way too young. He obviously couldn't handle what he has and...
12:58🔗
Tom Arnold
You know, but it doesn't matter because it's how she acts. She likes guys that are not available because there's something missing. I mean, and a lot of guys are gonna like you. I'm gonna tell you right now, you'll be very popular for, you know, until you're old, which will be quick if you keep being with guys that are unavailable because that's awful easy for them.
13:21🔗
Caller
But the thing is, him and I clicked really well in the beginning. He doesn't get along with his girlfriend very well, you know.
13:27🔗
Tom Arnold
That's what he tells you. You know, yeah. And that's always good with the guy that's bad-mouthing his girlfriend right away.
13:36🔗
Caller
Because we're in this whole big posse, you know, we've hung out before, like, you know, everyone in our group knows about Sandy.
13:42🔗
Caller
The only one that doesn't know, and I witnessed it, and everyone else witnesses how bad she treats him.
13:55🔗
Drew
I mean, I'm sure he treats her like absolute gold, like gold. You want to know how his next relationship is going to end? Look at how this one ends.
14:01🔗
Drew
That's how men end their relationship. There's a particular young man. There's a pattern that goes on for at least a good two to five years in the early 20s. If you want to know how your relationship is going to end with him, just look at how the last one ended. That's how yours is going to end with him. That's it. Until the guy is ready to settle down, which is...
14:14🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, this is just so she should know that she could do better. There's just some rules that are just there. I mean, maybe they don't make sense, but there's just some things that you don't do no matter what. Guy with a girlfriend, pregnant, living together, you just don't get involved. Even if it feels like it's romantic and wonderful, you just don't do it.
14:33🔗
Drew
There's no reason to do it unless you need the chaos and you don't want a real relationship.
14:37🔗
Tom Arnold
By the way, she's young, though, but she's so young, she doesn't know. Do you have a dad? Hold on a second.
14:55🔗
Caller
No. No. I actually moved out of my house during the summer, and this is when I met this guy.
15:05🔗
Drew
Gentlemen, you want to screw up your young daughters, go right ahead. This is what you get. You get unhappy girls that go for unavailable pricks.
15:11🔗
Drew
That mistreat them. And you mistreat your daughters, they'll find lots of other guys that will continue the process.
15:15🔗
Tom Arnold
But what do we know? Maybe this dad's a good guy, and she's like rebelling. No, no.
15:23🔗
Hi, I'm calling to find out, how do I get rid of the little girl voice?
15:36🔗
Drew
Now imagine who was, just close your eyes and just imagine the image of the age of the young lady giving us the alphabet. Say it again. Do it again.
15:54🔗
Drew
So I'm eight to 11. I'll give you that window. And in our experience on this show, you know, we just sit here and listen to voices all night, when women get that crazy voice that makes us, evokes a feeling of that we're listening to the actual child, usually there was some trauma at that age.
16:09🔗
Drew
Like some sexual abuse or physical abuse or some abandonment or something. So Abby, has something happened?
16:13🔗
Yeah. My parents divorced when I was 11. 11, Tom.
16:22🔗
Drew
And that was pretty rough, huh? Yeah, it was. Well, you could say one easy thing is to say, well, do you work on the psychological issues and maybe you sort of mature out of that and through that and regulate your emotions better. The voice thing gets better. I don't know.
16:39🔗
Drew
How do we magically, I magically knew there was something happened then. Oh yeah, because that's just the way it is. And I bet you there are speech therapists that can help you with this. Speech pathologists could.
16:47🔗
Tom Arnold
Or she could go into voiceover work. I mean, you don't need to be a cartoonist. Yeah.
16:51🔗
Drew
You can make, when you got lemons, make lemonade. And by the way, Abby, I almost called her Lisa. Abby.
16:57🔗
Yeah.
17:01🔗
Yeah, he was really sweet. I had a sensor therapy. I have a happy marriage.
17:12🔗
Well, that's what I'm concerned about is that I just finished my undergrad and I'm I'm interviewing for a job.
17:21🔗
Tom Arnold
I got to tell you, Holly Weirce was a friend of mine. She's a producer who produces a lot of movies and she has the same voice and she does very well with it. And, you know, it's cute and work with what you got. Yeah, work with what you got. You sound like you got a great life.
17:37🔗
I just quit.
17:44🔗
Drew
Where'd that nicotine habit come from? With lung cancer, heart disease? Yeah, Loveline. Tell me you didn't, Loveline, one time. Yeah, back in 2005.
18:16🔗
Hi.
18:18🔗
Okay. I've been with my girlfriend for about four years now. About a year and a half ago, I joined the Army with the base training. And before I went, I had great sex with my girlfriend, all that. It lasted probably fifteen or twenty minutes before I ejaculated. After I came back, I was like a minute man.
18:42🔗
Drew
Right away when you got back? Like you've been away for a year and you came back and you know the heat was on?
18:47🔗
It was about sixteen weeks.
18:55🔗
Well, I mean, it's been like that for a while.
19:01🔗
Probably a year now.
19:03🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, what you do is you take care of her first, and then, do you masturbate before? Because I find that that slows down the, you know, you get one off in the morning.
19:15🔗
I've tried that, but...
19:19🔗
She does.
19:19🔗
Tom Arnold
Okay, that's what you do. Oh, there you go. He said, you get a vibrator, either you get one of those deals. Just make sure, because that's the thing, make sure she's happy, and then whatever. She probably...
19:29🔗
Drew
By the way, by you lasting a minute, it's because of Mitzvah, as far as she's concerned.
19:40🔗
Drew
Yeah, and the only other thing I could be concerned with, did you take any weird vaccines or treatments for gas or anything, or nerve gas, anything like that, when you're in the army?
19:47🔗
Yes, you go through a CS chamber, and you do take multiple vaccines.
19:51🔗
Drew
Yeah, there'd been, since the Gulf War, there'd been some funny observations of brain changes and things like that from something, and I'm entirely clear what it is. You wonder if this has something to do with that.
20:04🔗
No, I hadn't, no.
20:05🔗
Tom Arnold
But you get the shots of basic training, I'm sure. This guy, I'm gonna tell him, don't worry about this. Is she complaining about it?
20:13🔗
Yes, I mean, it's honestly probably a minute. I'm concerned too, I mean, I'm not just worried about...
20:23🔗
Yes, absolutely.
20:23🔗
Get on your knees, scumbag!
20:31🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, you're making it a problem and you get an erection, right? I mean, it's like, it's working, right?
20:37🔗
Drew
Yes, he just doesn't, it's a minute until they've finished, which again, she's probably relieved by it and he's thinking that she's freaking out about it because there's some women that would freak out about that though. Some women who orgasm specifically with intercourse, which is maybe 10, 20% of women, small number.
20:51🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, what to do with them is they need to be, you know, there's other ways to do it. But I like to get on top, rub it on me. And so they get a head start, you know, cause I'm not exactly Mr. Cause I like it. And then I have to concentrate or bite my hand. So I don't, you know, scars are nice.
21:11🔗
Tom Arnold
Cause we're not used to it. This guy's been away a long time. I certainly don't worry about that. For you of all the things to worry about.
21:24🔗
Drew
That's when you're in trouble. And you had one of the most famous calls on this program. You remember the Holocaust show?
21:36🔗
Drew
Yes. I accept that we mentioned the Holocaust. But the fact was there was a phone sex operator complaining that the guys got off too fast.
21:42🔗
Drew
And so we said, you know, put in some subliminal messages, you know, talk to them, but to slip in the Holocaust. And she got on and she never heard of the Holocaust.
21:52🔗
Drew
And secondly, she just could only think in terms of telling us how she was thinking about the Holocaust.
21:57🔗
Tom Arnold
She was like, what are you doing? Oh, I'm just sitting here thinking about the Holocaust.
22:01🔗
You know, Black Carter.
22:10🔗
Oh, wow.
22:15🔗
Drew
But there you see it. That's the infinite wisdom of American educational system. So listen, it's Tom Arnold here with us. The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Give us a call. We got a ton to talk about. The show coming out December 2nd, The Kid and I, wide release. I can't wait to see it. Yeah, I think you're going to like it.
22:34🔗
Drew
All right, we'll be right back. That's right, it's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. The film is The Kid and I, starring Tom Arnold. And what's the young man's name?
22:45🔗
Tom Arnold
He has cerebral palsy, but he's a bit, you know, he'll tell you he doesn't. He's actually, you see the movie because we have our shirts off, he's in a lot better shape than I am.
23:00🔗
Tom Arnold
Exactly. He is, I try to call him down. I tell him, rule number one, you can't date people you work with.
23:07🔗
Tom Arnold
Hollywood rule number one. I've convinced him that there are rules, and he will follow that one. That way, you know, because I know from my experience...
23:16🔗
Tom Arnold
Oh, he loves her. I get calls, can we invite her? I introduced her to Misha Martin. I mean, he was all, he was like... He's aiming awful high. I tell you, you got to aim low, a little bit lower. But he's a, you know, he's a good kid.
23:32🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, but he's like, he's so funny. In interviews we do, he actually said this, and he means it, he doesn't mean to sound like this. We're sitting across from an African-American interviewer in Chicago yesterday and he says to the guy, you know what, I have cerebral palsy, but I don't, that doesn't stop me. I can do anything. I mean, it doesn't stop me. He said, you know, everybody has something. He goes, you're black. And the guy goes, oh, I go, hey, Eric. And he goes, no, no, I don't mean anything bad. When I look at you, I don't see black. I see white guy, you know, and he just, he means well. He just, it comes across just a little, I'm like, oh boy, here we go. But he's very, he's a great kid.
24:14🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah. And you know what? He sees, he sees my wife. He, he, he's always like, oh, your wife's so beautiful. And then his father has a very beautiful wife, younger wife.
24:23🔗
Drew
Let's talk about the wives for a second. Now you have never had a relationship longer than four years.
24:29🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah. We broke the bubble. And I'll tell you what happened was we had some tough times this summer.
24:37🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, I think if I were Dr. Drew, I would say it was because my mother left when I was four. Yeah.
24:47🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, she disappeared. And which is, it turns out to be a good thing. It's why I was mad, but I was also grateful as it turns out she was an alcoholic, married seven times.
25:01🔗
Tom Arnold
When she died. Yeah, at the end. You know, because I wrote that list of what I was mad about and what I was grateful for and read it in her tombstone and whatever. And you know what? She did the best she could. That's what I had to get to so I could move on from that stuff. But when you're four and your mom doesn't really like you, you can't...
25:19🔗
Tom Arnold
It's not her fault. It could possibly be your mom's crazy or your mom's alcoholic because that's too much to believe that the mother or father could be bad. So it's you. So all my relationships, it's so easy to accept I'm the bad guy and it's a pattern. And I think if a woman says that, they know that's how they keep you in there.
25:38🔗
Drew
Well, not only that, but you start believing that they're going to leave it for years. So the way to take control of that is to make them leave or leave yourself.
25:44🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, what happened to... I have a very bad, obviously abandonment issues. And what helped with my wife Shelby that we worked through was my therapist said something to me one day. I said, why is she making it so hard? Why is she on me? Why does she keep me backpedaling? Why does she pick at me? Why does he... he said because whatever abandonment issues you have, she has a tenfold. And I never occurred to me that she would, you know, her parents were divorced, whatever. But it never... because in my head, if you're treating somebody like that, it's not because you want them to stay, it's because you want them to leave. But if you could get them to stay because that's the way they are controlled. So I was like, oh, she's being mean because she loves me so much. She doesn't want me to leave. Oh, that makes sense. So then we started working on this. Listen, if you're feeling insecure, there's nothing she could say to me where I would go, oh my God, that's because if she said, I'm insecure about anything, if she had said that to it, I'd relate. Yeah, it's hard for her to admit fault because she said, I would leave. It's quite the opposite. The more human, the more vulnerable, the more I want to say, but just hearing that the reason that she was at that time, in my opinion, being kind of mean and controlling was because she loved me so much, and was afraid I would leave, took the pressure off me. It's like my first wife, when she was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, I was like, oh, that's why. Okay, that's fine. Even though it was crazy, I said, it's okay.
27:07🔗
Drew
Humans can tolerate discomfort and pain when they know what it is and how long it's going to last. Right.
27:12🔗
Tom Arnold
It was her life, knowing that I'm a drug addict and alcoholic. Even though I don't use and never have since I've known her, obviously, there is a personality that I have that is that way and will always be that way and there's nothing she could do about it. It's not her fault and I have a certain way.
27:30🔗
Drew
Probably the thing you need to remember too is that the codependents are actually have more deeper problems even in the addicts.
27:48🔗
Tom Arnold
But I want to get to know everything about her, the best, you know, what she's afraid of, whatever, you know, and I think when she feels guilty about something like, you know, with our house budget going so far over and so expensive, and I have to work so much because she did start it. It's not her fault that it went like it did, but she's one time said, I've, this is my fault. One time, this is the only time she said it. And then, you know, I'm like, don't worry about it. But it's hard for her to say that because she said she does something wrong, but she's afraid I'll hold it against her or leave instead of, you know, if somebody says to me, I'm sorry I did this, I'm instantly, it's over. You know, it's over the anger, the, you know what? So I think some people are scared. They always have to be great. What they're doing has to be great. They're doing the right thing.
28:46🔗
Tom Arnold
And, you know, I have to, or I'll just, it haunts me, right? You know, it's not that I always do the right thing, but if I can't let people down, right? If I take somebody, I would let somebody down, it eats Abby, it eats Abby, it eats Abby.
29:01🔗
Yeah, I have been with the same woman for two years, and sometimes after sex, I'm not circumcised, but my foreskin gets, like, chapped.
29:18🔗
It doesn't bleed, but it cracks.
29:20🔗
Drew
That can happen, and it's one of the reasons people get circumcised, is that inflammation at the tip starts getting cracked and dry, and it will actually tear, and then that scars, and it tightens down around the head of the penis, and so they can't get the head out.
29:31🔗
Tom Arnold
And this is, like, right after sex, or, like, after a little, you've cleaned up a little bit, if you know what I mean.
29:37🔗
After I've cleaned up a little bit, but yeah.
29:41🔗
Drew
Put a condom on, maybe that'll settle it down a little bit, but the fact is, if it really keeps going, you'll get something called stenosis, where the foreskin narrows, and that's one of the most common indications, or a very common indication, for circumcision in adulthood.
29:54🔗
Drew
And now, you know, these days, we're showing that there's less HPV transmission in circumcised men, less cervical cancer, and the partners of circumcised men, so it's a good idea to get kids circumcised. It's a little easier to take care of. Why not?
30:08🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah. My brother got it when he was older. Oh. Yeah, that was funny. It's a little more painful when you're older, but it's worth it. A lot of things that, you know, but yeah, getting- It's a little more painful.
30:18🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, I know. He would be soaking in the bathtub and I'd bust it until I go, check out the black banana. Yeah, we had that kind of family, but yeah, I do that. It seems like something you could work on and get done. It's not a big problem.
30:31🔗
I got it. Not the same time.
30:38🔗
Hi. Hello?
30:41🔗
Oh, I'm sorry. Hi. How are you guys doing?
30:44🔗
Yeah, listen, I have a bit of a problem. I have a penile disfigurement. I was actually in an accident in a machine shop, metal shop. Hello?
30:58🔗
I was in a metal shop accident. My pants actually became ensnared. This was 10 years ago. Became ensnared in a machine and it cut off blood flow. And I went through some physical therapy for quite some time. It was basically a drill press, you know. But I was stuck in the machine for an hour and it took the paramedics an hour to cut me out. At any rate, my question is, I started dating a girl and I was just curious to know how I would approach this before sleeping with her so I could tell her what to expect.
31:41🔗
I had two relationships. This is my second relationship. My first one did not end well. Why? Well, we dated for six months and I didn't express to her what had happened.
31:55🔗
Well, it's a torsion, you know.
32:00🔗
Torsion of the penis and testicles. It was all twisted around and mangled and they had to do some sewing.
32:10🔗
Yes, I do. It's still functioning. It's a good size. It's just that there's a problem with blood flow and I am not always erect. I can't always get erect and it's certainly disfigured. It kind of bends to the side and there's some big knotty areas on it.
32:33🔗
All right.
32:45🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, exactly. I mean, I stared at mine. I wouldn't let it, if it was a blood flow situation. You know, there are things, Viagra, they got that pump deal. I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't even, it doesn't sound, he has a, you know, there are people that get them cut off and then you have to tell people about that.
33:23🔗
Tom Arnold
Exactly. Women tend to not study that. Like they don't want you to study their vaginas. Because they have a certain, because they all look different if you look at them. And it's such a personal thing. It's such an intimate thing. If you're vulnerable about it, she might even like you more.
33:42🔗
Drew
I would just explain what happened. That things are a little different. If you have blood, soul issues, see your doctor about medication you can use to bring it on up a little better.
33:48🔗
Tom Arnold
It's a miracle. He survived that. That's like one of those accidents you tell your friends, oh my God, guess what happened?
33:57🔗
Hi, I have a question. I was wondering, is there a correlation between gay guys, because I'm a masculine gay guy, having to be attracted to other guys?
34:06🔗
Drew
Here we go. This last time we got it with Andy Dick on these long conversations about masculine gay men.
34:11🔗
Tom Arnold
My brother is a masculine gay guy. If you saw him, you would think, you know, because he's from Iowa, his boyfriends are always very, I guess, I think, effeminate.
34:25🔗
Yeah, I'm a masculine gay guy. I was wondering, even with masculine gay guys, is there a correlation between higher estrogen levels?
34:36🔗
Drew
No, I've not, I've seen, I mean that would be, you'd see that as a headline. That'd be an obvious sort of biological explanation.
34:45🔗
No, I am gay. I was just wondering.
34:46🔗
Tom Arnold
Good. You don't want to change something about yourself. Not that you could. I'm just asking because of the estrogen, I'm not even sure.
35:00🔗
Tom Arnold
But why is it my brother always goes for smaller, more effeminate guys? Is it because he has to be in control?
35:18🔗
Drew
And a need to control that. And sometimes guys have been sexually abused, have a reenactment compulsion, and have to control and dominate. Andy Dick was talking in great detail about this last night. Some guys are just sort of born gay. They're clearly, they're very at ease with it. They're very clearly that.
35:32🔗
Drew
And that probably has more of a biological element to it. And some guys are sort of created into it when their uncle screws with them when they're right. And you had a sexual abuse thing.
35:48🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, well I did. Well, first of all, I found out I was in court. My sister was being sentenced. And I'd said something on a TV show about a guy in my old neighborhood when I was younger and it happened and a woman came up and said, I know who it was. It's my brother-in-law because he blessed my husband who was his old brother. Wow. So then I said, well, I got to do something about it. So I researched him, found out he had a big job. And this happened between the time I was four and seven or eight or whatever. And I wasn't really sure what it was. Now that I know it was sex for him.
36:17🔗
Tom Arnold
This game that we played with his penis and my penis and stuff is like, especially when you're four or five, you're like, what is going on? Yeah. And you know, there was candy involved. So, you know, I was up for it, but I didn't know it was weird. So I knew that it and I kind of blanked it out. But I thought out where he worked in Des Moines. He got a big corporate job and he's a religious leader. And he also had been adopting boys for years. So I went to where he worked, talked to my therapist and he said, you can't get violent. You can't. I'll tell you what, I walked right up to him. I hadn't seen him since I was a kid. He looked the same, smelled the same. I was scared.
36:53🔗
Drew
I put my finger in his chest and said, you were a kid again right at that moment, right?
36:56🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, I was. Because he put his finger in my chest and said, but as soon as I started talking to him, he said, your memories are wrong. So I know he's been confronted before by people. And then I felt really small. But then I grabbed his hand and said, if you try to do that to me now, I break your f'n neck. And I did it. People were sort of shocked because they knew who I was. And I said, I'm here to see so and so. Anyway, so then I left and I went over. I heard he was adopted a kid, so I went over to the state capitol and found the governor and said, what can we do about this guy? He goes, you know, statute of limitations is up. Legally, we can't stop that. I had the papers that he filled out, a lawyer, a private eye. He said, we can't do anything about it, but legally. So why don't you leave down, Tom, and we'll see what happens. So anyway, I found out they stopped his adoption, which is great. Then I thought, have I done enough? I feel good about it. I put it away for myself, but have I done enough? So I had my farmhands drive up in the middle of the night and six blocks around his house, put up his name and his crimes, because I wanted to warn the other neighbor kids that were still there. So I actually got a little verbose and challenged him. I said his name, and I said, I'm going to say a fake name, but I said his name, hoping that he would sue me at that time. I heard from a lot of the kids in the neighborhood, and I felt like that was a bad thing.
38:36🔗
Drew
Kitt and I, open December 2nd. Tom Arnold is joining us tonight. The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Go out and see it, and we'll be back with more Tom Arnold after this.
38:57🔗
Drew
Thank God Tom didn't cut his eyeball open when he was loaded on crack. That would have been a bad thing.
39:03🔗
Drew
A great, great number of great performances, including The Kid and I coming up December 2nd, wide release. Every major city, pretty much?
39:12🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, New York, LA, Chicago, Michigan, Iowa, the important places, Denver. We're starting off at about 50 theaters that will go wider. I think it'll do all right. I had a movie this summer called Happy Endings, which I loved, which Maggie Gyllenhaal played my girlfriend. I'll get you a DVD of that. Yeah. Just kidding. You would like this. Very great movie. Written by Don Ruse, directed by him, Lisa Kudrow, all these great actors. These intertwining stories, which are about secrets. Oh, yeah. And about how they affect your life and people's motives and people that seem bad are not necessarily bad. And there's a lot of gray area in life. And why do people? And it's just kind of a wonderful thing that not a lot of people saw, but it was a great experience. And it was something that I had to really fight to get.
40:10🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, it's out on DVD. It's a wonderful movie. And I hope people check that out, too.
40:27🔗
Caller
Nothing much. I just had a question, like, if you'd like to give your boyfriend like a BJ for too long, would anything happen?
40:47🔗
Caller
Okay. But would there be anything medical that I would have to go to the hospital for or anything?
40:59🔗
Drew
That you would have to go. Well, your jaw can actually lock open. And when that happens, sometimes we do have to give you some medications or put you to sleep briefly and unlock the jaw.
41:12🔗
Drew
It doesn't happen very often, but it does happen. I mean, you can irritate the lining of your mouth and things and you get exposed to herpes and things like that.
41:24🔗
Tom Arnold
I don't want to discourage her from this activity. I just want to say... Let me say this about this. How old are you? Sixteen. Oh, boy. Well, if you were older, I would say that the key ingredient that I found is someone that's willing... that seems to enjoy it, whether they do or not.
41:52🔗
Drew
What's happening with your boyfriend? What's happening with your boyfriend? What prompted this question?
41:58🔗
Caller
I don't know. Well, when I give my boyfriend like DJs, I do it for like half an hour or an hour sometimes.
42:13🔗
Tom Arnold
I don't like it as much. I'll be honest with you. I like the other. I do like it. But but I don't like to orgasm. No.
42:46🔗
Tom Arnold
What is he? Let me ask you this. Why does he not do that for you? Is it a cultural thing?
42:54🔗
Caller
Well, we've never like actually had sex. I mean, like, I'm still a virgin. We've never actually done anything.
43:01🔗
Tom Arnold
But I mean, has he done that? That the reciprocal like what you do for him with the with the BJ? Has he done the thing on you?
43:15🔗
Caller
I don't know. I'm just like really freaked out about that stuff. I like want to wait till marriage and I'm like, I only give him be.
43:21🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, that's good idea. Want to do something special on your wedding night? Have you ever licked his butt?
43:30🔗
Tom Arnold
Oh, my God. Well, that's not for you. You're 16. But that is a special thing for older people. It's a nice surprise. You got to, I mean, you know, no, but this is a gal that's just starting in this process. And the boy sees probably he's probably young too.
43:54🔗
Caller
What's up? Nothing much. I just got a question for you guys. I've had my boyfriend for about 7 months now and for probably the past couple of months, we've only had sex about, you know, 4 or 5 times. And I kid, he's been getting chafed a lot. And we were about to get ready and do our thing and I was about to go down on him when I noticed it was really, really bad. And before that...
44:29🔗
Drew
Because you wonder if it's a herpes outbreak or something, because that's something that persists like that is more than just from friction.
44:45🔗
Caller
Oh, wow. Okay. Well, the thing is, it looks like it's rubbing a lot. I don't know. It doesn't look puffy or it just like...
44:56🔗
Drew
Take them in. Let them have the rash exam. Come on, Virginia. Maybe it is just a rub. In the meantime, put a condom on, but I don't worry about it.
45:03🔗
Tom Arnold
Is he a chronic masturbator? Because sometimes that's what I've read. Yeah, that's happened to me before.
45:08🔗
Drew
Tom's read about that. Her friends have told him about it. All right. We got to take another break, Tom. Tom Arnold in here. The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. The film is called The Kid and I, coming out December 2nd, open widely. We'll be back with more Tom Arnold after this.
45:39🔗
Drew
Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, I'm Dr. Drew, he is Tom Arnold. The film is The Kid and I, opening Y, December 2nd. The premiere is November 28th?
45:51🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, at the Grumman's Chinese Theater. Yeah, really big deal. The kid's going to love it.
45:59🔗
Tom Arnold
The mom will be there to talk to you? Yes, the mom is going to be there. Arnold's family will be there, and all the actors. It will be great.
46:12🔗
Yeah.
46:15🔗
Oh, hey. It's so great to be on. I love you guys. You're doing great. My deal is that I've developed a pretty serious drinking problem over the last couple of years.
46:32🔗
Well, I've tried AA and I don't have like the time or the money really to go trapping off to rehab. So I'm just wondering like what other kind of options I have because I get like the shakes and everything.
46:50🔗
About a half pint of vodka.
46:52🔗
Drew
Okay. Well, the problem with alcohol is the most serious issue is the detox process. Initially, you got to get off the drug. The problem is that alcohol withdrawal is potentially fatal. Somebody has to be managed. A few drugs of withdrawal, you can actually die in withdrawal. I know a few drugs of addiction. Yeah. So you can't go halfway with this. If you're going to come off the drugs, you got to be supervised. You have to spend a little time, a little money doing that. Then in terms of actually stopping the drinking, stopping the process of the disease of the part of the brain, we call the medial forebrain bundle, stopping the addiction process. Tom's going to tell you about that.
47:30🔗
What didn't I like? Yeah. It's too Jesusy in stuff.
47:33🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, I'm Jewish. We don't talk about Jesus when I'm in AA. I mean, I can't really say. I do go to 12-step meetings. But let me just say is, if that's your only hang up, you can make a doorknob your higher power to be with thing about it is you just got to believe that there's something bigger than you in the universe. It could be something that grows the grass, something that the sun comes up, whatever. You know, it's not about religion to me because, you know, it's just about us realizing, wait a minute, there's something more important.
48:07🔗
Drew
The higher power concept really fundamentally is dealing with grandiosity. Right. That's fundamental. It's just letting go, not controlling things and realizing it's a big universe. You don't control it.
48:20🔗
Drew
It's free. And really, it's not just about the meeting, Jay. You've got to get a sponsor and you've got to sit there and do the structured process of a relationship we call the 12-step relationship, which is just taking you through a guided experience with another person. It's very simple.
48:32🔗
Tom Arnold
And everybody should do it, even if you're not an alcoholic or a drug addict. It's true.
48:37🔗
Tom Arnold
Yes. Resentments. You get rid of your resentments. You figure out what you're really pissed off about. It just makes your life a little easier.
48:44🔗
Uh-huh. But is there anything else out there besides that's kind of been successful in that?
48:51🔗
Drew
12-step is by far the most successful intervention in terms of long-term sustain. You can go find a therapist to give you cognitive behavioral therapies as a new medication called Camprol that reduces some of the drive to drink. There's a lot of different kinds of interventions out there, but fundamentally pretty much everybody ends up back in sort of a 12-step process. There are people, but all of that is professionalized services which cost money and takes time while the 12-step is free. Really, it's just people who are there to be of service to you. Jennifer, 30.
49:20🔗
Tom Arnold
You know what? I just want to say thanks to Tom, because you know what? To actually talk about that kind of stuff, it really helps other people come forward. I think everybody needs to approach their perpetrators. I had a similar situation. What happened? It happened, I guess, not like three or four, but I had a reoccurring dream just my entire life that it happened, but I never really knew if it did or not. When I turned 18, I tracked them down in San Diego. I stood before them, and once we actually made eye contact, I knew it happened. His sister ended up telling me that I confide in her, and I said, I think your brother molested me when I was younger. She goes, you know what? I hate to say this, but he probably did because he molested me and my other sister.
50:01🔗
Drew
Oh, my goodness. Yes. Well, that's the guy. People don't perpetrate once. That's the thing about people that themselves have been sexually abused. There's about a 60% chance that they could become a perpetrator. Wow. And when they perpetrate, they don't do it to one person. They do it to dozens and dozens and maybe hundreds. And so sexual abuse, not only is it the gift that keeps on giving, because you know, carry that with you your whole life, but it becomes an exponential form of growth of the problem.
50:28🔗
Tom Arnold
And I think it's important we confront those people because I don't think it stops until somebody brings it to their attention. And other people start talking about it.
50:38🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, one thing about it, and who knows the thing I said, but one thing about it too, is one thing you do, do something like that. Like what, a lot of us get really fat. You know, we, we, we, we, or we're drug addicts, or whatever, because we're trying to keep, protect ourselves. And I know a lot of women who are sexually abused get fat because it grows their stomach over their genitals eventually, and they protect them in some weird way.
51:02🔗
Drew
They are not, they, they are not a sexual object of any, I was watching The Biggest Loser at night and looking at some of those women thinking, you know, I think some of these are sexual abuse survivors.
51:11🔗
Drew
Because as, as they are getting skinny, they're starting to freak out and get nervous and depressed.
51:15🔗
Drew
Because they're, they're suddenly attractive and they're sexual humans again. And what does that mean?
51:19🔗
Tom Arnold
Right. Although I did with some pretty big women that were very sexual. So I mean, it's, it's depends on how you feel about yourself. If you have self esteem and you're big, you know, that's, I find that sexy. But I, about that show you're talking about.
51:46🔗
Tom Arnold
But that had to feel good to that lady because she got, you know, not only to see the guy, she probably had a little bit of, you know, some of the sister's memories, you know, a thousand, thousand percent. But when you hear it from the sisters, it's, you know, it's his affirmation and you know, it's a guy and the sexual abuse is not just about a memory that's disturbing.
52:04🔗
Drew
It affects how the brain, the trajectory of brain development. John 26, speaking of big breasts. Hey, what's up?
52:17🔗
It's a real weird event.
52:20🔗
Tom Arnold
They just start getting bigger and bigger and now 26 is the bigger of my life, man.
52:27🔗
Tom Arnold
I am a heavy set guy, but I'm not like a big old fatty or nothing. I was always a big guy.
52:37🔗
What was that?
52:58🔗
Tom Arnold
It's just this one area of my body is just, I mean, they're just like women's breasts.
53:02🔗
Drew
When was the last time you did steroids? What was that? When was the last time you did steroids?
53:09🔗
Drew
So a while ago. It's kind of unusual to get significant medical problems that cause this. It may just be you. There are plastic procedures out there to reduce things. You wonder if it's something, it's very common to get breast gland and tissue development with use of anabolic androgenic steroids. So you wonder if this is just maybe some kind of residual from that. There are certain hormonal problems that can maybe cause that, but I really don't think that's what it is.
53:32🔗
Tom Arnold
Sometimes people, don't they just get, when you do gain weight, because I am afraid that the guy that just gets his ass gets huge, but it's just his ass. He's like one of those.
53:41🔗
Drew
And this guy is just his breast. And there are, again, his liposuction, other sort of procedures out there.
53:48🔗
Hi. I have difficulty getting fully hard to the point where I can't perform intercourse, and I also take a long time to orgasm, and I was wondering if you could tell me what the options are, and specifically...
54:03🔗
I was wondering about...
54:07🔗
Um, no, I was, but I'm not anymore.
54:11🔗
I was taking Prozac, but I stopped about a year ago.
54:19🔗
What?
54:23🔗
Even after I stopped taking it?
54:25🔗
Drew
Well, I've heard of situations, I'll tell you the truth. So you really should talk to the doctor again who had originally prescribed that there may be things I could do to kind of keep it started.
54:35🔗
I'm sorry?
54:40🔗
Well, I'm really not having sex.
54:42🔗
Tom Arnold
Oh, but I mean, if you really, I mean, if you can't, how do you know it doesn't work if you're not trying?
54:49🔗
Right.
54:53🔗
No, I'm worried about the actual sex because I can masturbate and orgasm, but it just doesn't get hard enough to have intercourse, really.
55:08🔗
Drew
Yeah. In the meantime, certainly one of the first signs of medical problems can be erectile dysfunction, right? Heart disease, endocrine problems, thyroid disease. So I would say, Scott, you're 24, so it's probably not the usual medical stuff we worry about in older men, but certainly worth going and seeing a doctor saying, there's been a change. Talk about the Prozac, thinking of ways to kickstart it. And there are pharmacological interventions. Obviously, things like Viagra can be helpful.
55:38🔗
Hi, Dr. Drew, Tom.
55:43🔗
Tom, I want to say, I want to thank you. I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous. Never call in the show. Drew, I've been listening since Rappin was the host.
55:54🔗
Yeah.
55:56🔗
I can't believe I'm actually on the show. Wow. Tom, I read your book when I first got sober, which I was almost three years ago. Yeah. I had for eight years, I was sexually abused on almost a daily basis. By whom? By a neighbor of mine. He's still my neighbor today. Whoa.
56:18🔗
He's a year and a half older than me.
56:23🔗
I was six.
56:27🔗
Yeah.
56:33🔗
Yeah. Yeah. His uncle actually did some stuff to me too.
56:39🔗
Drew
Well, the uncle is probably the one that started the whole boulder rolling down the hill here.
56:43🔗
Yeah. It's really tough. I've been through therapy for, I was in an intensive outpatient program for two and a half years.
56:53🔗
And I don't know, I've done a lot of work on it, but I'm still really afraid to even see him in my neighborhood. And I don't know how to talk to him. And, you know, I guess feel better about it.
57:03🔗
Drew
How about moving out of that neighborhood? We generally just take people away from perpetrators. We don't worry about confronting them or dealing with them. Just get out of there.
57:12🔗
I don't know how. It's not that easy.
57:15🔗
Well, I mean, I'm still living with my parents. I'm going to, unfortunately, Community College.
57:21🔗
Tom Arnold
I went to Community College, brother. The fact that you're talking about it right now is really great. Now, Dr. Drew, you may be being... The fact that they were young and sort of peers. Yes. That is different. The uncle thing is more powerful. Yeah. But the peer thing is a little different.
57:42🔗
Drew
It's a little different. And it can have less impact, but again, the chronicity of this concerns me. It's gone on for years and years. Every day.
57:53🔗
He would, basically, he would beat me up. And there was one instance where he had one of those trunks. He'd take the sleepaway camp. He locked me in one and sat on top for about an hour until I would, I guess, sexually do what he wanted.
58:11🔗
Almost, yeah.
58:15🔗
No, he wouldn't lock me in the trunk, but he'd beat me until I said, okay, I'll do it.
58:22🔗
I was so scared because his uncle was always in the house and he scared me too. He's definitely a drug addict and been in jail. And thank God I'm recovering now because, oh man, it's just, I was really scared. I still am.
58:39🔗
Tom Arnold
But what you don't do is you say to yourself, this is what I learned before I confronted my guy, but don't do something that's gonna hurt you more. Like if, you know, don't get violent with him now and then you're arrested and you're sitting in jail going, no, he didn't molest me and now I'm in fricking jail because of this ass, you know? So, you know, I mean, if, you know, is it haunting you? It doesn't seem like it's totally haunting you. It seems like you got a kind of a grasp on it.
59:06🔗
Well, it has haunted me for basically my whole life. I've done so much work on it to the point, but I basically you were saying earlier how most guys, most people who've been molested or abused or overweight, I'm severely overweight. I'm about 100 pounds overweight and I just have so much shame about it.
59:26🔗
Drew
Well, it just being overweight reinforces the shame, but it helps keep people at a distance. It's literally a physical manifestation of your desire to keep people away. Daniel, get out of that. I swear to God, get away from there. Find a way, make it a plan, get out of there. The chronic stress of being around a perpetrator is going to make you eat amongst other things. It's going to make you sick. Ashley, 16.
59:50🔗
Yeah, I wanted to ask a question about giving a blood job.
59:57🔗
All right, like, it kind of has to do with what she asked the other chick. But like, I was like giving this one guy a head to like a half an hour, and then like my like lips got numb.
1:00:12🔗
And like, I couldn't like close my mouth. It was hard.
1:00:18🔗
I don't know. It's like not the jaw, but it's like my lips like in general. And then like, like, you know, when you're blowing out like from a cigarette, like I can't like blow, or like I can't like spit out anything. Like I can't spit, right?
1:00:33🔗
Like 10, 20 minutes.
1:00:42🔗
It gave me major cotton mouth for like ever.
1:00:47🔗
Uh, because I'm getting a lot of the person that I was washing up with in the same.
1:00:54🔗
Drew
What happened? I don't know. She was blaring the radio in the background. So last time she was going to say like-
1:01:03🔗
Drew
By the way, the idea with sex is not to do things, not to do things until they harm you or hurt you, or to let people do things to you that are hurtful and harmful.
1:01:11🔗
Tom Arnold
Although I will say this when I am with my wife, and like I'm in a weird position, I'm getting cramped, but it's going well, I will suffer it out. Just because it's such an honor.
1:01:19🔗
Drew
That's gutting it out. That's a little different. It's a little different. It says take on for the team.
1:01:22🔗
Tom Arnold
These kids, though, I'm amazed how Frank, they didn't have the blow job thing, or the BJ thing when I was young. No, no.
1:01:35🔗
Drew
No, no, it's something that came, that was sort of after intercourse. I mean, that's right. And a couple was really intimate, they might experiment with oral sex, but it wasn't something that came as part of making out, which is what it is now.
1:02:09🔗
Drew
I'm just wondering about this. You still want to have kids, Tom? Have they ever talked you out of it yet?
1:02:13🔗
Drew
She's much, she's a foot shorter than you. And even you, Tom, with all your trauma and stuff like that, you didn't act out sexually when you were a young kid, did you?
1:02:20🔗
Tom Arnold
No, no, I was, and I can remember the first time having sex. I was so scared because an older gal wanted to have sex with me.
1:02:45🔗
Tom Arnold
But then, but then when I did it for real after the gal was 16, she was 14. She just moved to Iowa from Colorado. She's big time. And I thought she was a virgin. And I just was like, this is so exciting. She goes, uh, do you want me to go back on the pill? I was like, oh, and then so, but I've always been a little naïve in that, that area. But anyway, this guy is a, his girlfriend's a foot shorter. What's the problem?
1:03:19🔗
Tom Arnold
Which part? What part doesn't work out? Because usually that's about the difference in, I'm a foot taller by one.
1:03:31🔗
Tom Arnold
You got it. You proper up a little bit. Proper up a little. There's way. Oh, my God. There's a million ways to do things. Okay. You know, just get her, put her, knees on some pillows, you know. It's worse when they're too tall and you got to spread them out. You know, you got to put them in an awkward position, you know. But that'll work. You know, there's a, you don't have any problems. You got a, you know, just a high thing, you know. Think how basketball players, what they go through.
1:04:06🔗
Hey, I got a question. My guy, he, the only way he gets off is if with her, like, really hard core, like, painful sex. And that just really...
1:04:20🔗
Me, obviously. It, like, it hurts, like, within the first minute. And I'm not, like, a wuss or anything, but, like, like, I can't deal with it. And, you know, I can give him a blow job, but, you know, I'm not getting off vaginally, and that's not as much fun.
1:04:38🔗
Tom Arnold
Does he pull your hair and stuff? Is that kind of rough, or is he just going fast and hard?
1:04:42🔗
No, not even that. It's just like hard, thrusting, like, amazingly hard.
1:04:49🔗
Well, I kind of, I think he caught the hint.
1:04:52🔗
Drew
No, Laura, Laura, Laura, let's say, Laura, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Guys think, every guy thinks, what they like, you like. What they want done to them is what you want done to you. And then they watch pornography and all these crazy images of how women are supposed to be in their eyes, and they get this notion that this is what you want. What he wants to do is what makes you happy. He may have some stuff he wants to do, he'll let you know about that. But he is doing what he thinks you need in order to get off. And they are, and because they're so sort of set on this belief, I mean, you know, guys are like a big black Labrador dog. They want to be, they want to be smacked around and stuff. And women are more like a Persian cat. You know, you got, you got to go slow and easy and don't move up on them too fast.
1:05:34🔗
I like to get smacked around and stuff. I'm all for that, but.
1:05:38🔗
Drew
Well, Laura, you're going to have to be very clear. You're giving mixed messages even to us. It's hard to figure out what you want.
1:05:46🔗
Drew
But you're going to have to be super clear with them. Guys, aim to please, but we are lame. You have to be extra super clear. It's like, here's what I want. Don't do this. I need you to do that. And don't wait till you're angry and resentful. Start out with it. Here's what I like. Come on, let's go.
1:06:03🔗
Tom Arnold
If he thinks, if you're faking like you're enjoying it, he'll do exactly the same thing every time.
1:06:09🔗
Drew
And if you're hinting that you don't like it, he didn't get any of that. He didn't see any of that.
1:06:14🔗
Tom Arnold
If he touches you at a spot and you see the joint, he'll touch you at that exact spot every time.
1:06:19🔗
Drew
That would be more blatant. If you don't say, I don't like that, stop it. He's going to do the same thing again and again because that's what he would want and that's where his head's at.
1:06:27🔗
Okay. Well, I think I'm over in Iraq, so I got a year to figure it out.
1:06:31🔗
Drew
Beautiful. That's great. Well, Laura, I just hope you learn to be more honest with your partners and more direct and more and speak up. See, no.
1:06:39🔗
Tom Arnold
Stop. That's what all women do. We want to know how to please you. You make a list. We'll go down the list. That's all we ask.
1:06:47🔗
Drew
We want to perfect it. We want to perfect exactly what you want, but you must tell. Men don't know. Every woman is different, which shows you guys up even more.
1:07:34🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, I grew up in Iowa where there were bigger people and I was bigger. I would say I specifically love fat girls, but I will say in my history, if somebody is nice to me and they happen to be overweight, that's a lot better than someone skinny and they're mean to me.
1:07:56🔗
Tom Arnold
That's another big important category. Because that nice thing seems to last quite a while. The hot thing goes away, but if they're nice, if they're really nice to you.
1:08:07🔗
Drew
Can somebody be caring and interested, but not specifically nice and still be interesting to you?
1:08:18🔗
Drew
But even that, though, I bet you couldn't do that in the past. They had to be like nice all the time.
1:08:22🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, I'd hope for that nice. I dated most of my girlfriends up till I started getting married. We're special education teachers. And they seemed to be very patient and kind people. I said, well, look at it. They are kind people. They help people. They're kind to me. And I like that a lot.
1:08:50🔗
Tom Arnold
And then the one problem I ever have, they can be super nice, but if they're like boring, it's there's something wrong with me. I just can't deal with boring.
1:09:01🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, you know, a little bit of a like a sense of humor. Okay. Is it I say like laughs at the some funny stuff. Yeah, yeah. Like my wife now is bitingly humorous. It is sort of mean sometimes, but it's funny to me. I can deal with it sometimes.
1:09:18🔗
Tom Arnold
I think she probably always was, but she's perfected it. She doesn't really smile when she says her jokes.
1:09:27🔗
Drew
It's good. She wants to have a baby anyway. LoV 1 9 1 Tom Arnold in here with us. The film is The Kid and I, Tom and a dyslexic cerebral palsy actor.
1:09:39🔗
Right.
1:09:44🔗
Tom Arnold
The guy that likes big gals, it's cast in a wider net. If you have specifically, oh, I have to have skinny women. By the way, a lot of skinny women have bodies like boys. I just want to say that. And the bigger gals, you know, a little more estrogen, a little more estrogen. I'm talking about 800 pounds. I'm talking about, you know, normal size.
1:10:17🔗
Loveline will be back in a minute.
1:10:20🔗
Drew
It's Loveline 1-800-LOVE-E-191. Tom Arnold in the studio with us tonight. The Kid and I coming out December 2nd.
1:10:36🔗
Tom Arnold
Hi. Tom was recently in Grand Rapids promoting his film, and I met him in the hotel lobby of the Ramada. Yes.
1:10:49🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, and it's the Amway Hotel. We call it the Ramada. Go ahead. Tell them what happened.
1:10:53🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, I was having cocktails. Tom was abstaining, but we did have relations in my hotel room, and I have a sore on my mouth.
1:11:08🔗
Drew
It's Sam, and it sort of sounds like he, it sounds like it's trying to be a she. Have you had a sex change or something, Sam?
1:11:23🔗
Tom Arnold
It was, I was starting to feel weird about it, until I now know that he is halfway through the surgery.
1:11:33🔗
Tom Arnold
I was very forthcoming, and I think when it got weird was when you invited me into your rented van in the parking lot.
1:11:41🔗
Tom Arnold
Yes. Well, I mean, it was a weird, for me, I thought it was something special, and it hurts me, Sam, that you would be...
1:11:56🔗
Drew
I know, and you must have been, you must have been, you were a gay man who then became a transsexual.
1:12:12🔗
I will be straight.
1:12:14🔗
Drew
Well, most men, most gay, excuse me, most male to female transformations actually do that to maintain lesbian relationships with women.
1:12:23🔗
Tom Arnold
Let me just say something about Sam. I saw a video of Sam and Seth Green cuddling together. Is that true?
1:12:37🔗
Tom Arnold
Yes, it's Dax Shepherd. And he was lovers with Seth Green, who's a very small man.
1:12:55🔗
Tom Arnold
See, I'm not ashamed of, I'm not ashamed of that, Dax, because that was, you know, that was real for me. And it was in Grand Rapids and one of the options up there.
1:13:13🔗
Tom Arnold
Does he, Dax? He, his father, Dave. Okay, let me see this about him. He came out a little over a year ago. A lot. And I was pretty big at that time. You know, I was thinking about maybe I should lose some weight, quit smoking cigars, do something. But then I meet big Dave, and here he is. He's a little older than me, a little heavier, smoking like I said, okay, if this guy could do it and bring his A-game, he hasn't had a heart attack, I must be okay. And then what happened, Dax?
1:13:48🔗
Tom Arnold
You just voided out several of his insurance policies. He didn't smoke or have a heart attack, so he thanks you from his A-game room.
1:13:57🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, he's doing well, let's put it this way, his dad's lost like 60 pounds. How do you guys know he goes to the gym? We're buddies. I'll tell you how we met, we met at Punk'd, where we were trying to hire Ashton's assistant, do you remember Dax on Punk'd? Yeah, yeah. I mean he was by far the most talented punker.
1:14:30🔗
Tom Arnold
But how good is Dax in Zathura? Have you seen it? He's like a young Harrison Ford, that's what the New York Times said.
1:14:38🔗
Tom Arnold
You were great, you were great in that movie, and I don't know how it did this weekend because Tom had the best compliment to see in the movie.
1:14:46🔗
Tom Arnold
He said he enjoyed it a lot because he was able to use his cell phone during the movie because there's no one else in there to ask him to be quiet.
1:14:53🔗
Tom Arnold
But I was teasing you by that. There was actually people. I went the first weekend and he was amazing and did a great job and I'm very proud of him. Dax is a good guy.
1:15:04🔗
Tom Arnold
That is true. You actually gave notes. You gave music notes for me, which I used.
1:15:13🔗
Tom Arnold
I don't want to give away any of the movie, but when you first meet the kid, it's already a delicate situation. So it was a little emotional.
1:15:21🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, that's why I said we don't need to hit the sappy notes because I think I'll be in punk when I meet the kid. He's got cerebral palsy. That's so funny. But it was sweet. Well, what are you doing? Did Big Dave see the Tonight Show?
1:15:37🔗
Tom Arnold
Listen, Dax, when are you coming over here? By the way, I'm going to say something. This is no joke. Dax Shepard is renowned for having the biggest penis in Hollywood. I swear to God it's true.
1:15:57🔗
Tom Arnold
Can I tell the other story about your neighbor lady who in the middle of the night, here's Dax, this is like his birthday, he's got these little shorty shorts, and his gal got him for his birthday.
1:16:09🔗
Tom Arnold
He hears screaming up from another apartment. He goes up, and I'm going to tell my version of it, and he's like, hey, quiet down there. There's a guy trying to break into his girlfriend. Tell what happened, Dax. He got violent, right? Well, he's upstairs.
1:16:24🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, I'm saying under the window of this apartment, I hear screaming, and then I'm trying to figure out what's going on. I hear this guy screaming in this English accent. I have no idea who's up there. I'm trying to figure out if it's physical or they're just yelling at one another, and then I hear her scream, don't hit me. At that point, I knew I had to get involved, but I'm wearing little pajama bottoms and no socks or shoes, and I run into the apartment before I even get through the door. This 220-pound-
1:16:49🔗
Tom Arnold
No, but before you open the door, before you open the door, you thought, he sounds English, he's probably small, but the second you got the door open-
1:17:06🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah, and he and I get into a scuffle on the landing, like the second floor landing of the apartment building. I cut my arm in a fire extinguisher, yada, yada, everything worked out, the guy left, and no one got killed.
1:17:19🔗
Tom Arnold
He was like, the genius idea of turning into a TV show, a reality show, and it's called Blind Date with Violence.
1:17:27🔗
Tom Arnold
No, what I said was, I think this is true, you handle yourself so well. But it was funny, even after the guy was leaving, this guy had marched from Culver City to Santa Monica.
1:17:39🔗
Tom Arnold
Yeah. So he was like, and he walked by Dax after they were all scared shit, he goes, F'in women.
1:17:51🔗
Tom Arnold
But I called him actually mad that I hadn't fought the guy on the sidewalk. I was like, man, I should have kicked that guy's ass. He was gonna hit a girl. And I was actually really hard on myself.
1:18:01🔗
Tom Arnold
And I said, Dax, wait a minute, this guy walked 10 miles, he is out of his mind.
1:18:07🔗
Tom Arnold
You did the smart thing by saving. Dax was mad he didn't find him on the landing, which I said, Dax, you could have ended up with a broken neck. Absolutely. And then what do you got? But he did a smart thing, he was brave. And then I said to him, as a guy talk, I said, wait a minute, you saved this woman's life. What has she done for you? He said, well, she is a masseuse. So I don't know if there's some kind of payback. Rescuers reward. I said, why don't you go knock on her door and say, by the way, how are things?
1:18:35🔗
Tom Arnold
I just, you know, it's kind of customary for a hero to get a happy ending massage.
1:18:40🔗
Drew
Dax, get on hold here. And our producer ran in here and said, get Dax, put him on hold. I got to talk to him. So you hang out for a second.
1:18:50🔗
Drew
It's been about a year, I think, since we've seen him up here. I think it was when he was in with Seth Green within the film.
1:19:16🔗
Tom Arnold
My girlfriend requested that I try to stick my entire fist in her vagina. And I'm trying to help her with that. I don't know how healthy that would be for her.
1:19:30🔗
Tom Arnold
Well, she requested it. You got to try it. You don't you go go fist first. You'd go just see you kind of make a like a shape, like a not the full fist. You just see what you get in there and then work your way in a little bit. You don't just fisting sounds so crude. Just see what you could get in there and what you could work around. I'm sure she'll make you stop. They kind of what you do is you get up in there and they make that clet. All of a sudden you go too far and they make like a cat. They're like, and that's when you know when they're clasped about.
1:20:02🔗
Tom Arnold
She's just probably trying to challenge you and she's seen something and she's like, I want to get crazy. I want you to try this.
1:20:07🔗
Drew
Don't you get a little suspicious when a woman wants that? That doesn't sound like a normal.
1:20:11🔗
Tom Arnold
No, no it doesn't. But it's just her trying to be nice. She's thinking, what can I do for a man? Hey, I bet he would like that. I saw that on TV.
1:20:18🔗
Drew
When they think about doing stuff for the man, they always have to include things that they hurt themselves. It's got to be anal sex, it's got to be fisting.
1:20:26🔗
Drew
No, I'm not saying they're wrong. We're going to have to talk to them about that. What's good about it?
1:20:44🔗
Tom Arnold
No, see, if a woman said to me, okay, but then I'm going to do it to you, I'd say no.
1:20:49🔗
Drew
No, but I mean, is it not? I'm not saying they have to switch roles, but I mean, if the guy likes doing it, is the woman like having it done to her necessarily?
1:20:57🔗
Tom Arnold
Oh, I think some women might like it, but it's just so wrong. It's just so, I've had it happen accidentally a couple of times.
1:21:04🔗
Tom Arnold
And then they make that cat face again, like, oh, what are you doing? But, you know, I'm pretty basic. I like to be like the missionary looking and having my nipples licked. I mean, that's kind of my thing. I always say, if you don't want to be overt, stay away from the nips because that's, but we all got our own little things.
1:21:30🔗
Caller
Well, okay. So I've been with, first of all, I'm 21. I've been with over 40 people, just about around 42 men and women, and I am not ever able to orgasm ever. And I have a 60-40 percentile of women that do not orgasm.
1:21:46🔗
Drew
Well, but the ones that don't orgasm with intercourse still have orgasm with oral sex or some sort of direct stimulation.
1:21:53🔗
Caller
Right. And I am with definitely the majority of the people that I have not been able to orgasm.
1:22:03🔗
Drew
Well, why are you with all these people if it's something that's not satisfying for you?
1:22:10🔗
Drew
That's what cocaine addicts say when I ask them why they keep going on their binges even though with each subsequent hit, they feel worse.
1:22:20🔗
Tom Arnold
But plus if she's had 40 in this period of time, you need maybe a long-term one with the same person that's willing to work with you because, God, would it be great to be with her and be the guy that broke the ice?
1:22:33🔗
Drew
Guys would be into that. It's literally like somebody said to me once, it's like, if you're drilling for oil, you want to drill 100 holes out there, but each of them only like 800 feet deep, or you drill one hole all the way down and see what you got. You got to take your time, form a relationship, and it's a little bit of a lame sort of analogy there, but the fact is that you need an emotional connection, or often many women, to function sexually.
1:22:55🔗
Tom Arnold
You just need to lay it out there and say, does this feel good? Does this feel good? And patience, however long it takes, and try whatever it takes, and just trust.
1:23:21🔗
Drew
All right, well, there you go. And that's what triggers sexual compulsion and sexual addictions very often. And you can go see a therapist who's used to dealing with these sorts of trauma issues, or go to SA. If you're up for that, it's, again, another free service. You get an SA sponsor, another fee. Email and talk about the shame.
1:23:38🔗
Tom Arnold
And let me ask you this about the being with the women. Do they give you the impression that they know how to fix this situation, that they're the ones that know how to get the orgasm going?
1:23:49🔗
Caller
Well, you know, to be honest, I think purely like just being with that many people has been just a sexual thing, and trying to fulfill sexual fantasies and whatnot. I don't feel like the majority of the people were emotionally connected, which could be part of what you're saying.
1:24:05🔗
Drew
And I, do you understand what Tom's asking? Tom's asking, when you get together with a woman, do they say, wow, I'm the one that, I know what women like, because I'm a woman, I'm going to show you how to do this.
1:24:18🔗
Caller
No, like what I've tried to do is just be very specific about what I like and do a guided, you know, just be very like.
1:24:26🔗
Drew
You're not understanding the question. You ready to listen? Yeah, OK, the question is, do women seem when when you're about to be with a woman, do they seem overly confident about what they can do for you because they're a woman and know what a woman's wants? No, they don't get that way. They just want to get in and get down.
1:24:43🔗
Tom Arnold
Do you live anywhere near Deck Shepherd? Within walking distance? I wish, no, brutal.
1:24:50🔗
Drew
This is this are all trauma issues. You know, you're really acting out. What happens when you've been traumatized? The the trauma becomes sort of a frozen hole. It becomes something you have to sort of repeat over and over and over again compulsively, even though it's never satisfying because all you're doing is really, people theorize trying to master the trauma of the past. But really, it's just some sort of repetitive system. It gets operating neurobiologically and you just have to do that over and over. It's got to get broken.
1:25:19🔗
Drew
But it's aint working. So maybe try something different. Essay is certainly a free and easy way to do it.
1:25:22🔗
Tom Arnold
I try it yourself. If you can make yourself orgasm, that's number one. That's the thing. A lot of women are afraid to do that. But I'll tell you, as a man, I know exactly what it takes because I've practiced since I was 14. I can tell you exactly how many women are afraid to do that.
1:25:37🔗
Tom Arnold
I did. 80,000 maybe. And it's hard when you're in bunk beds with your four brothers. You've got to be really discreet.
1:25:45🔗
Drew
Alright. Tom Arnold in here. The phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. We're going to return after this. Hey, it's Dr. Drew. This is Loveline. The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Tom Arnold in here with us tonight.
1:26:01🔗
Tom Arnold
He is... You know what Dax is doing? He's the only person in Hollywood. He just got his first house. If you eat 10 Coney Dogs in his presence, I think you might have changed it to 12, but it's 10 for me, he will have a bronze bust of your head mate. He's going to have a Coney Dog room. Like you know how Sedatra had all... He'll be the only guy in Hollywood, and he's going to make a bust of you. And I'm hopefully going to be the first guy that does that.
1:26:25🔗
Drew
Is that going to be one sitting, or can you just stay there as long as you want to be?
1:26:30🔗
Tom Arnold
Oh, no, no, no. I think there's a certain... An hour and a half, I think. But that's easy. 10, easy. Easy. For me. So I'm really excited about that. That's my next project coming up.
1:26:57🔗
Drew
Whippet to the propellant and whip cream, things like that. It's a nitrous oxide, the canister.
1:27:02🔗
Tom Arnold
Nitrous oxide. So it is that. Okay. I was curious as to what are the effects on you. I mean, while I did it at the time, I know the effects of the immediate effects, but what are long-term, you know?
1:27:11🔗
Drew
Well, in terms of long-term serious effects, nitrous is not one of the more serious drugs in terms of long-term effects. The most of the real serious complications with nitrous are, A, people do nitrous in an environment where when they pass out, they drown and things like that, or they do it in a closed space, they lose oxygen, they can't breathe, or they fall down when they're using it.
1:27:31🔗
Drew
Ultimately, well, ultimately what can happen is there can be thought disturbances, there can be a Guillain-Barre-like syndrome where they develop an ace antipolyneuropathy and lose the ability to move their limbs and actually end up on breathing machines. So long term...
1:27:45🔗
Tom Arnold
But does it make your rectum open up? Is that why people do it? Or one of those things the gay guys take the poppers?
1:27:53🔗
Drew
That's the rumor. And enamel nitrates are muscle relaxants, so it makes sense. Yeah. Mary, 28?
1:28:01🔗
Caller
My husband, we've been married for two years and dated for over five years, and he used to weigh 325 pounds, and he lost over 100 pounds in less than nine months, and he has a lot of loose skin around his stomach and a little bit on his chest. And now he's pretty much a bodybuilder because he wants to fill in that loose skin. So he's taken steroids several times before, and tonight he just asked me again if he could do it again.
1:28:35🔗
Drew
Mary, I'm going to offer, in the minute I get to speak with you here, I'm just going to offer a diagnosis, addiction. This is food, this is body image issues, this is addiction, and he probably was drinking like crazy when he was 325 pounds, right?
1:28:52🔗
Yeah, he was still eating.
1:29:06🔗
Drew
No, but he's not going to be able to fill out, so to speak. That's also a ruse to continue, just to try to control his body image issues and to sort of keep using a substance that makes him high, frankly.
1:29:17🔗
Caller
Right, but the other question I had was, what is that going to do to his sperm count since you're ingesting testosterone?
1:29:30🔗
Drew
I don't know that I can answer that. It's certainly weeks, but not necessarily months or years. Although I've seen guys that have used steroids, particularly androgenic steroids, for a long time, that end up with permanent erection problems and permanent sperm production problems. But those were guys that used it a lot.
1:29:44🔗
Tom Arnold
It shrinks your nads. That's all you need to know. I don't know why the guys do it, the athletes do it, but it never, unless you're playing, athletes will tell you, if you told me I was going to live four more years, but I'd win a Super Bowl, I'd take that. That's how crazy they are. That's the kind of people that take the steroids.
1:30:06🔗
Drew
Listen, it's reasonable that he be concerned about all that loose skin. People get plastic surgery to get rid of them all the time. And that's a reasonable part of what he can reward himself with.
1:30:17🔗
Tom Arnold
You can do that. You don't have to be... I mean, come on, if we take our clothes off right now, you don't have a perfect body, I'm guessing. I mean, it's a nice one.
1:30:33🔗
Drew
All right, we're going to take another break here. Real quick, be right back. Well, that about does it for Love Line. Thank you.
1:30:56🔗
Drew
Listen, always, you are just one of my five, whenever people ask me who my favorite guest is, you watch, it's Tom Arnold.
1:31:01🔗
Tom Arnold
I'm gonna bring my A game next time, then. Because this is fun, I've really enjoyed working with you.
1:31:05🔗
Drew
Well, I really appreciate it. I'll catch up with you in New York. I wanna see that film. The film is The Kid and I.
1:31:13🔗
Drew
All Loveline listeners, go out there and support this film. I think it's something worth seeing.
1:31:17🔗
Drew
Okay, guys, take care, and we'll see you tomorrow night Until then, this is Dr. Drew saying mahalo.
1:31:29🔗
Tom Arnold
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.