Monday, November 21, 2005

0:15🔗 Drew 1-800-L.O.V.E.

0:15🔗 1-9-1.

0:18🔗 Voiceover Love Line starts now.

0:20🔗 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Dr. Drew. The phone number here is 1-800-LOVE-191. Joining me, eventually, oh, wait, could it be? Oh, my God, the one and only Andy Dick just walking in the studio. Andy, sit down. Sometimes credited as Dick Andrews. I'm looking at your request. In fact, thank you for coming in. How you doing?

0:43🔗 Andy Dick At my request? Yeah. Oh, right.

0:45🔗 Drew Yes, yes.

0:45🔗 Andy Dick They said, give me a bio and I said, just look me up.

0:48🔗 Drew That's what they did. How are you?

0:49🔗 Andy Dick Just look me up.

0:51🔗 Andy Dick I'm doing good. How are you doing?

0:54🔗 Drew Good.

0:56🔗 Andy Dick Wait a minute. I saw you on TV and they said that you were a relationship expert.

1:00🔗 Drew I know. They put whatever they want under my name. I tell them what to put.

1:03🔗 Andy Dick It makes them look good.

1:04🔗 Drew Whatever they need to put down, they stick on there.

1:06🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

1:07🔗 Andy Dick So you're a drug addiction specialist. That's how I know you.

1:12🔗 Drew They'll put me as a psychiatric professor. They'll put me as a psychologist. They'll put me as a therapist. They'll put me as a bizarre and sex expert.

1:25🔗 Andy Dick Andy Dick's pill holder.

1:28🔗 Drew Am I now?

1:29🔗 Andy Dick No, I don't take pills.

1:30🔗 Drew Oh, I don't think you like them.

1:32🔗 Andy Dick Oh, I like them.

1:33🔗 Drew Oh, we do?

1:33🔗 Andy Dick They just don't like me.

1:35🔗 Drew Well, you like the spleef.

1:38🔗 Andy Dick I do like that.

1:39🔗 Drew Because we have a recording of you actually first encountering a pot. Anderson, you have that for us?

1:45🔗 Andy Dick Right now, I remember that.

1:47🔗 Drew Todd, you have that by chance? All right, give me a second. All right, good. Excellent. Well, Andy, here we are. Thank you. We've got very interesting calls. Should we get right to them? You want to talk about what you're up to now or?

1:57🔗 Andy Dick No, you know, we'll talk. We can like spice that throughout. I just did a movie.

2:02🔗 Drew What'd you do, Bondage?

2:03🔗 Andy Dick No. What's that? I think those are under my hobbies, aren't they? No, there is a film called Bondage, you're right.

2:10🔗 Drew Nice Guys?

2:12🔗 Andy Dick Yep. No, it's not on there. It's called Danny Roan. There it is.

2:16🔗 Drew Right here.

2:16🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, first time director. And it's about me, actually, Andy Dick, first time director. It's about a guy trying to make a movie.

2:23🔗 Drew How is it? Is it directed by you? Is it directed? I've actually worked with you where you've directed, and I love the way you work.

2:31🔗 Andy Dick Right.

2:31🔗 Drew Do you do it like that?

2:32🔗 Andy Dick I did like that, yeah, yeah.

2:33🔗 Drew Which he just basically what Andy does, he gets out there and he kind of has a rough idea of people need to do the sort of a story, but he lets them break loose and he tries it, yeah, roughly 30 to 50 ways with no break in between takes.

2:48🔗 Andy Dick Right, right.

2:48🔗 Drew Try this, let's go. Try that, try that.

2:50🔗 Andy Dick And then everybody is funny, you know. You are very funny.

2:54🔗 Drew I thought you were very good, I think it's very inspiring, you seem very sort of passionate about what you're doing. How long did it take to do, are you still in it now, production?

3:01🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I'm doing the editing.

3:02🔗 Drew Wow.

3:03🔗 Andy Dick It's taking.

3:03🔗 Drew Oh my God.

3:04🔗 Andy Dick A very long time. In fact, I was just on the phone with the editor in the toilet when I was laying a hot steamer.

3:11🔗 Drew We'll just let that all go.

3:12🔗 Andy Dick Actually, it didn't lay. It wouldn't go down.

3:15🔗 Drew It floated?

3:16🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. And no, it clogged it. So I had to use the plunger.

3:20🔗 Drew You did not.

3:20🔗 Andy Dick I had to use the plunger. I'm like the K-Rock plumber now.

3:24🔗 Drew Your stool was so big and hard that it couldn't go down. The industrial toilet was high pressure.

3:30🔗 Andy Dick It looked like there might have been some trouble lingering before, and I just didn't take care of it like from the person before.

3:37🔗 Drew I see.

3:37🔗 Andy Dick I saw a bunch of papers in there.

3:40🔗 Drew You just got to work real fast and you had to rush in here, of course. Be on time for the rest of it.

3:44🔗 Andy Dick Yes, and I was. I was right on time.

3:45🔗 Drew How are your relationships going?

3:47🔗 Andy Dick They're going pretty smooth. I try not to get too deep into them.

3:52🔗 Drew Everyone's still under one roof?

3:53🔗 Andy Dick No, come on. That was years ago. But we will be for Thanksgiving. All my exes and all the king's horses.

4:00🔗 Drew Let me just set the scene. Who's at the table?

4:04🔗 Andy Dick We've got Lena. Awesome.

4:06🔗 Drew I gotta stop by Thanksgiving at the Dick Presbyterian one of these days.

4:10🔗 Andy Dick One of these days, not this time.

4:11🔗 Drew I would love to.

4:13🔗 Andy Dick It would be fun. This might be the year for it because it's going to be Lena. She's my girlfriend. We never did get married, but we did have two kids. So she's one of my baby's mommas.

4:23🔗 Drew Lena.

4:24🔗 Andy Dick Lena. And with my two kids, Jacob and Meg.

4:28🔗 Drew That's her kids. Jacob and Meg.

4:30🔗 Andy Dick And then she's got two other kids by a marriage she's out of already.

4:34🔗 Drew What are their names?

4:35🔗 Andy Dick After that, Rachel and Emily.

4:37🔗 Drew Rachel and Emily. Okay. There we go.

4:39🔗 Andy Dick And we have my 17-year-old son, Lucas.

4:44🔗 Drew Lucas.

4:45🔗 Andy Dick And then with his mom, Yvonne.

4:47🔗 Drew Yvonne.

4:48🔗 Andy Dick My drunk brother, Jeff Dick.

4:50🔗 Drew Jeff Dick.

4:50🔗 Andy Dick I've never heard. He's here. You're going to.

4:52🔗 Drew Is he from South Carolina? Wherever?

4:54🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. Well, we weren't from there. I was born there, but we lived there for a couple months.

4:58🔗 Drew Joliet High School?

4:59🔗 Andy Dick We both went to Joliet, yeah. We were both adopted. It's just our south of Chicago.

5:04🔗 Drew That's right.

5:04🔗 Andy Dick Joliet.

5:05🔗 Drew Homecoming King.

5:06🔗 Andy Dick Shout out to Joliet. But my brother is here. He just had to go get some more booze.

5:10🔗 Drew He's drunk. So he's.

5:12🔗 Andy Dick I love him.

5:12🔗 Drew Are you going to. Are you going to refer him to me one of these days?

5:14🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

5:15🔗 Andy Dick No, he doesn't want help. But I like him to come and say hi.

5:18🔗 Drew When he's ready.

5:18🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

5:19🔗 Drew Okay. That's.

5:20🔗 Andy Dick So and then.

5:20🔗 Drew One man and a bunch of kids and women. Okay, go ahead.

5:23🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. And then Jeff and then and then it's just going to be a bunch of strangers. About 200 people.

5:30🔗 Drew Oh, my God.

5:31🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. People I don't know.

5:32🔗 Andy Dick What?

5:33🔗 Andy Dick Well, because Lena knows them. It's at her house.

5:36🔗 Drew Where's we'll talk about 200 people.

5:38🔗 Andy Dick It'll be a good one. It's kind of one of those orphans. Thanksgiving's where if you don't have a place to go, come over to the Dicks. I'll be fine.

5:47🔗 Drew Cool.

5:48🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

5:48🔗 Drew Will your band be there?

5:51🔗 Andy Dick Some of them will be. I think, yeah, Andrew Sherman, you remember him? Yeah.

5:54🔗 Drew I remember you beating him up.

5:56🔗 Andy Dick No, I think I was beating up Tim Walsh.

5:58🔗 Drew Yes, you got Tim.

6:00🔗 Andy Dick Tim could have come tonight.

6:01🔗 Andy Dick Oh, he would have loved that reference. Beating him up.

6:05🔗 Drew All right, let's go to calls. Here we go. Andy Dick, Sandra 27.

6:09🔗 Caller Yes.

6:10🔗 Drew What's going on there?

6:12🔗 Caller I have a boyfriend that I've been with for two years, going on two years.

6:16🔗 Drew Okay, everything's going. Things going good in that relationship?

6:19🔗 Caller Oh, that's good. No, not good. I was always the aggressor when we first got involved, I guess, with sex or whatnot. And we haven't had sex for six months. And he won't talk about it. He doesn't like it, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

6:33🔗 Drew He doesn't like having sex with you?

6:36🔗 Caller He doesn't like having sex at all. He doesn't want me to touch him. He doesn't want me to look at it. He doesn't like blokes. He doesn't like watching porn. He doesn't like nothing.

6:45🔗 Andy Dick All right, it's time to break up.

6:48🔗 Caller Yeah, I know, but I'm trying to make it work. I mean, you know, I love him. I care about him or whatnot. But recently we went out with some friends and we came home and he was drunk. And I think that's the only time that he says that he can have sex because he doesn't think about it.

7:03🔗 Drew Okay.

7:04🔗 Caller And he wanted me to lick his anal, like, parts, you know, like his anal gland and...

7:10🔗 Drew That's quite a leap from somebody who doesn't want to have sex.

7:12🔗 Caller Yeah. So I'm just wondering why...

7:15🔗 Andy Dick I'm just going into a rhetoric...

7:16🔗 Caller .I'm gay or...

7:19🔗 Andy Dick Does that make him gay?

7:20🔗 Drew No.

7:21🔗 Andy Dick No, not at all.

7:22🔗 Drew Though him not wanting to have sex with you makes us suspicious about that, right?

7:25🔗 Andy Dick Yes, it does.

7:27🔗 Andy Dick Is it true that a man can get his bumhole stimulated to the point that he just comes, like you see in the movies, funny comedy, teenage comedy?

7:40🔗 Drew Most males, and I mean the significant majority, do not like that area messed with and find it painful or uncomfortable or...

7:48🔗 Andy Dick I'm in that category.

7:50🔗 Drew Yeah, and that's the great Andy Dick. That's the tri-sexual Andy Dick.

7:54🔗 Andy Dick I'll try anything.

7:55🔗 Caller And here's the thing, I mean, he wanted me to touch it and like, you know, and...

8:00🔗 Drew Well, here's what I think, here's the deal. I think he was sexually abused. And I think that maybe...

8:05🔗 Caller That's what I think. I asked him that. He won't talk about it. He's like, you know, I ask him about sex. He's like, I don't want to talk about it. I'm like, well, why don't you want to do this anymore?

8:12🔗 Drew Why are you in a relationship? What's up with you that you're in a relationship with a guy like this?

8:17🔗 Caller I have no idea. Maybe I need to ask myself that question. I mean, I'm not, you know, bad-looking, you know.

8:23🔗 Drew Well, he has his, here's the deal. You can lay down the rules. Again, ladies, you have control. Even when it's a guy that won't have sex with you, you're in control. The deal is you miss this in a relationship. It's important to you. It's important for anybody in a relationship. If he doesn't want to do something, to get some treatment, to bring that along, then that's it. You're out. Right? That's all you got to do. Just tell him he's got to do something or you're on your way. Or you can just decide that you're on your way yourself because this is not telling like it's going very far. Having fun with your IMDB there, Andy?

8:50🔗 Andy Dick There's so many things.

8:51🔗 Drew It's amazing, isn't it? Aren't you proud of yourself?

8:52🔗 Andy Dick Well, I guess I've accomplished a lot. Maybe I can die now.

8:56🔗 Drew This is just tonight. Just tonight. You heard it here. Michelle 20.

9:00🔗 Andy Dick Hey.

9:01🔗 Drew Come on, Michelle.

9:03🔗 Andy Dick Okay. Hello?

9:04🔗 Andy Dick Yep.

9:05🔗 Drew You're on with Andy Dick.

9:06🔗 Andy Dick She's hiding under the pillow.

9:07🔗 Drew Andy Dick, who slipped into, I believe he said, a reverie at the reference to the young man that would not have sex and suddenly jumped into...

9:16🔗 Andy Dick Having his butt licked.

9:17🔗 Drew Yes, yes. Right.

9:19🔗 Andy Dick Michelle? Hey. Okay. I wanted to know what the effects were if you saw your parents having sex when you're really young.

9:29🔗 Andy Dick Did it just happen one time?

9:31🔗 Andy Dick One time, I specifically remember.

9:35🔗 Andy Dick Does it disturb you? The image of it?

9:40🔗 Andy Dick I don't really know. I mean, like, it's dark and, like, I was, like, in their room sleeping, like, in a crib, but, like, it was, like, definitely one of those, like, experiences.

9:52🔗 Andy Dick Well, it's not a big deal. That's not a big deal at all. Trust me.

9:56🔗 Drew Do you have nightmares or post-traumatic stress? Do you have difficulty maintaining relationships? Is there evidence that it's affected you badly?

10:02🔗 Andy Dick Well, possibly, yeah.

10:03🔗 Andy Dick I mean, I don't know if it's, like, only that. Maybe it's, like, other things, but...

10:09🔗 Andy Dick Sounds like there might be other things.

10:10🔗 Drew Or maybe it's the fact that you were raised by parents that thought it was a good idea to have sex in front of a three-year-old.

10:14🔗 Andy Dick Well, no, I don't think... My parents aren't like that at all. They're really, really, really, like, everything's, like, got to be, like, sugar-coated, and, like, they've really, like, sheltered me and stuff.

10:26🔗 Drew I understand, but they don't have the greatest boundaries in the world. On one hand, they're overly sheltering and intrusive. On the other hand, they're having sex in front of you when you're three. Yeah, I'm sure they thought you were asleep, but the fact is, there's a child in the room. They, you know, come on. It's kind of weird. What's that, any pill? Oh, it goes right in your mouth, I guess.

10:43🔗 Andy Dick What is it? I'll take it.

10:45🔗 Drew It looks like a vitamin of some kind. And it's old and dirty.

10:48🔗 Andy Dick I'll take it.

10:49🔗 Drew All right, so, Michelle, you were saying you have had relations, you have had problems with this. You have difficulty having relationships.

10:53🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I put it in my back door.

10:55🔗 Andy Dick I don't, I don't really, I don't really maintain a relationship.

10:58🔗 Drew Put that in a loop, please.

10:59🔗 Andy Dick I don't really have relationships.

11:02🔗 Drew All right, well, there is something going on here. It may or may not have something to do with that event. Have you ever had treatment?

11:08🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, yeah. And? I'm like an alcoholic. I like have been going through treatment.

11:13🔗 Drew For what?

11:14🔗 Andy Dick I go through like therapy and stuff.

11:16🔗 Drew All right, does this come up?

11:19🔗 Andy Dick I haven't really brought it up because I like, I don't think it's like that. I don't know if it's like important or not.

11:24🔗 Drew Bring it up. You said you're in treatment for alcoholism?

11:27🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

11:28🔗 Drew All right, the 20 are already alcoholic. It sounds like there was probably some trauma going on somewhere. This may or may not have been the significant trauma, but the fact that you're involved with a team, you got therapy, you're in 12-step.

11:38🔗 Andy Dick What's her name?

11:39🔗 Drew Not only Michelle, not only bringing up your sponsor, bringing up your therapist.

11:42🔗 Andy Dick Michelle. Yeah. I just found a really big white pill on the floor. It's a little dirty though. So Dr. Drew, can you stick it in my back door?

11:54🔗 Drew I have to get some gloves, Andy. I'm sorry. We were friends for a long time.

11:57🔗 Andy Dick I'm clean.

11:58🔗 Drew I know.

11:58🔗 Andy Dick But I just used the plunger on my butt.

12:00🔗 Drew I know. It was something that was so enormous, it wouldn't go down the toilet.

12:04🔗 Andy Dick I plunged my own butt.

12:08🔗 Drew Where are we going? Where are we going, Andy? Where is this going?

12:10🔗 Andy Dick You don't like it. I don't like it.

12:11🔗 Drew Where is it going?

12:13🔗 Andy Dick Is this your new one?

12:14🔗 Drew Yeah. You want that?

12:14🔗 Andy Dick This is Dr. Drew's new book. Okay. Is this your?

12:18🔗 Drew No, no. It's just a journal.

12:19🔗 Andy Dick Do you have one of your books? No, I don't. There's some dramatic readings from it. That would have been great.

12:24🔗 Drew That would have been great. All right, Michelle, look, you've had some stuff. You've had treatment. The fact is, you've got to be completely honest with your therapist. You have to bring everything up. Whether you think it's something that needs to come up or not, bring it up. Put it all out there, okay?

12:34🔗 Andy Dick Right. You know what actually happened? What? Like, this is what I wanted to ask you. Cause like I've been through, like I've seen like your medical lectures and stuff.

12:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

12:43🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, you talk about those like experiences where like you kind of like go outside of yourself.

12:48🔗 Drew You dissociate, yeah?

12:49🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. Like this was like one of those. And like, I don't think my therapist like really like understands that.

12:56🔗 Drew No, I think your therapist would. Just talk about dissociating. They'll know what that means.

13:00🔗 Andy Dick But on the, on the same, you know, to talk to her directly, you might be right. You might not have a good therapist. I've had many, many therapists and some of them have helped me. Actually most of them haven't to be honest with you.

13:14🔗 Drew How about sponsors?

13:15🔗 Andy Dick She should be talking to her sponsors. Yeah. So, so if you're feeling something like you're not connecting with your therapist, just change her or him. And I've had so many sponsors and I mean, actually they have helped me, but other people would beg to differ.

13:30🔗 Drew Okay. So Lauren is 18. Lauren, what's up?

13:32🔗 Andy Dick Hey.

13:33🔗 Drew Hey there. What's happening?

13:35🔗 Andy Dick Nothing.

13:36🔗 Drew Here you go. You're on with Andy Dick.

13:38🔗 Andy Dick Hi.

13:38🔗 Andy Dick Are we what?

13:39🔗 Drew You're on with Andy Dick.

13:40🔗 Andy Dick We're live.

13:42🔗 Andy Dick Oh, we are?

13:42🔗 Andy Dick Okay.

13:43🔗 Drew He's very calm, quiet, very subdued Andy Dick tonight.

13:47🔗 Andy Dick Oh, is he?

13:48🔗 Drew Yeah, he's very calm. A little sleepy. Very easygoing.

13:51🔗 Andy Dick Okay. I have a problem.

13:55🔗 Andy Dick What?

13:57🔗 Andy Dick Okay, because my benefit buddy has no stamina.

14:01🔗 Drew Friends with benefits. Yes. How long does it take him to go?

14:05🔗 Andy Dick Like 30, well, not 30 seconds, but like at least a minute. But even from little things like dry humping and things like that, he just doesn't know how to like hold it in and just like.

14:17🔗 Drew Well, well, well, well, well, yeah, so how to because he can't, that's a physiology that's not, that's many guys can't control.

14:22🔗 Andy Dick It's crazy because when we're having sex, he can like, he really can go longer, but if it's foreplay, he just like, mm, hits the ceiling, that's it.

14:32🔗 Drew No, he goes longer because he probably did something beforehand or somehow sort of figured things out. So, but this is that people do not have the men often don't have the capacity to control this. It's not something they're under volitional control. Most men have their sort of, what? Yeah, most men have their sort of clock and some guys are minutes, some guys are 10 minutes, some guys are an hour. And there are a few guys that can kind of control it, but that's a relatively rare group.

14:55🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, well he, he like tells me to help him build his stamina like we'll do like-

15:00🔗 Drew Lauren, why are you with this guy if it's such an uncomfortable thing for you?

15:04🔗 Andy Dick Because I don't know why I'm just stuck on him.

15:06🔗 Andy Dick Well, he has a girlfriend though.

15:08🔗 Andy Dick That's what's like weird about it. Cause like-

15:10🔗 Andy Dick He has a girlfriend too.

15:12🔗 Andy Dick It turns him on more to be with a girl while he's in a relationship than if he were just in a relationship by itself.

15:19🔗 Drew So you wish he'd drop the girl and be with you?

15:21🔗 Andy Dick No, I really don't. Like honestly, he can have the girlfriend if he wants, cause this is like no strings attached. But he gets pissed off when I date other guys or do things with other guys. So it's like, if I were to go out and be with another guy, I have to worry about someone getting mad at me, and I have to be mad at him.

15:35🔗 Drew Lauren, this sounds like a dream come true. Just a dream date. The guy who doesn't make you happy sexually, who's controlling and angry and jealous. What more could you ask for? With a girlfriend.

15:46🔗 Caller Where's the girlfriend?

15:47🔗 Drew He has a girlfriend. What more could you ask for than a guy like this?

15:51🔗 I don't know.

15:52🔗 Drew All right. You know, Andy, help. Come on.

15:55🔗 Andy Dick I say...

15:57🔗 Drew Is that Jeff out there?

15:58🔗 Andy Dick That's my assistant. Jeff is walking in and out. Just... Well, I would try to help him. I keep thinking of how can you help him with his stamina.

16:06🔗 Andy Dick Exactly.

16:07🔗 Drew Well, you can do a second round.

16:10🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. Or just...

16:11🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, because I've even offered that before and he's just like, oh, I can't go anymore. I'm tired. I'm tired.

16:17🔗 Drew Again, just a dream date. A dream date. What more could you ask for, Lauren?

16:24🔗 Caller Stamina.

16:26🔗 Drew Yeah. How about a new guy? How about a guy that's actually available? Why are you afraid of relationships?

16:31🔗 Andy Dick I'm not afraid of relationships.

16:33🔗 Andy Dick That sounds like the problem.

16:34🔗 Drew Yeah. Well, why did you go get? Why? What's so scary about relationships for you?

16:38🔗 Andy Dick Because, like, once the guy gets serious and everything, it's like, I don't like to let my guard down.

16:43🔗 Drew Why?

16:44🔗 Andy Dick Because I can't trust guys. I've been screwed over so much. It's hard to let you know.

16:48🔗 Drew Who was the first guy to screw you over?

16:50🔗 Andy Dick The first guy to screw me over? Marty?

16:52🔗 Drew No. How about dad?

16:54🔗 Andy Dick Dad did not screw me over.

16:57🔗 Drew Really? Is he still around?

16:59🔗 Andy Dick Yes.

17:00🔗 Drew Your parents are together?

17:01🔗 Andy Dick No, they're divorced.

17:02🔗 Drew And how old were you when your dad divorced?

17:05🔗 Andy Dick I was 15.

17:07🔗 Drew And how was that?

17:09🔗 Andy Dick Actually, I thought it was a good thing because I fought all the time.

17:14🔗 Drew And why did dad finally leave?

17:17🔗 Andy Dick Dad, well, mom left dad.

17:19🔗 Drew Because?

17:20🔗 Andy Dick Because she was sick of fighting and she figured she couldn't change her man. She had been married for like 10, 11 years and she figured if she couldn't change him in that amount of time, then there was no hope.

17:29🔗 Drew What was wrong with him? Was he an alcoholic or was he abusive?

17:32🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, he was like a big kid. He went out with his friends constantly and wanted to drink and never wanted to be home.

17:40🔗 Drew That sounds like a guy who lets you down a little bit.

17:42🔗 Andy Dick Oh my god, that never bothered me though.

17:44🔗 Drew Yeah, I understand it never consciously bothered you, but it clearly had an effect on how you feel about men. And to be committed to somebody means being vulnerable and losing somebody like that. Come on, Andy, aren't you wringing out on this one?

17:56🔗 Andy Dick Well, yeah, that hits me on all the levels.

17:58🔗 Drew Really?

17:58🔗 Andy Dick Well, yeah. My dad was in the Navy.

18:01🔗 Drew Oh, so he was never around?

18:02🔗 Andy Dick He wasn't even there at all, physically. Really?

18:05🔗 Drew From what age to what age?

18:07🔗 Andy Dick Just from one, no, from zero to...

18:13🔗 Drew Wait, first of all, you were adopted, right? To 12. You were adopted to a family with a guy that wasn't there.

18:19🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

18:20🔗 Drew And why did your mom put up with that?

18:22🔗 Andy Dick So was Jeff Dick right there.

18:23🔗 Drew Okay. From zero to what?

18:24🔗 Andy Dick Why did my mom put up with it? She was sedated by the naval doctors.

18:31🔗 Drew She was using? What was she using?

18:33🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, speed.

18:34🔗 Drew No.

18:34🔗 Andy Dick Prescription. Yeah. Well, it's called Dexadrine.

18:37🔗 Drew Well, that doesn't sedate her. That amps her up.

18:40🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. You know what I mean, though.

18:43🔗 Drew Have you made peace with all that now or is it?

18:45🔗 Andy Dick Well, none of them are alive.

18:46🔗 Drew What happened to your mom?

18:47🔗 Andy Dick She got cancer, so did my dad.

18:50🔗 Drew What kind of cancer?

18:52🔗 Andy Dick The kind that kills you.

18:53🔗 Drew Come on.

18:56🔗 Andy Dick She had breast cancer. My dad had lymphoma.

18:59🔗 Drew Sheesh. Then when did your dad ever get back in your life?

19:02🔗 Andy Dick Hey, is this going to be a big long session for me? Because I'm not calling in. I'm here. I'm supposed to be phoning out.

19:09🔗 Drew We're going to get you helpin others. They have to understand who they're getting help from. And so when did your dad show up back in the picture?

19:17🔗 Andy Dick Around when I was 10 or 12.

19:19🔗 Drew So he came back.

19:20🔗 Andy Dick He came back and I think he felt real bad for not being around.

19:23🔗 Drew That's nice.

19:23🔗 Andy Dick He took us on a real big trip across the country camping. But mostly I just remember being his little bitch, setting the tent up and taking it down. While he sat on a lawn chair drinking beer going, that's not how you do it.

19:35🔗 Drew Oh boy.

19:36🔗 Andy Dick He didn't talk like that though.

19:37🔗 Drew And then you told me once, you said on Loveline, the TV show once, that you saw urologist when you were five.

19:43🔗 Andy Dick Oh yeah. You remember that story?

19:44🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

19:45🔗 Drew What was that about?

19:45🔗 Andy Dick I still don't know.

19:47🔗 Andy Dick I'm not kidding. It's like my mom took me to the doctor because I couldn't pee or something like that. And then the doctor came out and talked to my mom and said, your son is masturbating too much at five.

20:02🔗 Drew Were you sitting right there hearing all this?

20:04🔗 Andy Dick No, no. I don't remember. I don't remember. My mom told me.

20:08🔗 Drew That must have been a comfortable moment.

20:10🔗 Andy Dick I've had so many uncomfortable moments.

20:12🔗 Drew With mom?

20:13🔗 Andy Dick With everybody. There was just one with you right there.

20:17🔗 Andy Dick No.

20:18🔗 Drew It was uncomfortable.

20:19🔗 Andy Dick I remember when I'm not even going to tell that story.

20:22🔗 Andy Dick You guys can't handle that. Come on.

20:25🔗 Drew Don't bait us like that.

20:27🔗 Andy Dick Where's Lauren?

20:28🔗 Drew All right. We'll get someone else going. This is Emily's 18.

20:30🔗 Andy Dick She hung up on my sad sack story.

20:32🔗 Drew Hey, Emily. What's up?

20:33🔗 Andy Dick When I say sack, I do mean scrotum.

20:35🔗 Drew I've got a sack question too for you. Emily, what's up?

20:39🔗 Andy Dick Hey, I've been hearing about this new birth control called the ring.

20:44🔗 Drew Nuva ring, yeah.

20:46🔗 Andy Dick I just saw a commercial for that on TV last night.

20:48🔗 Drew Well, then it must be good.

20:49🔗 Andy Dick It looked really... No, but then they always have at the end. You may have slight heart attacks and die.

20:58🔗 Drew No, I know. These transdermal patches and perhaps this nuva ring are slightly higher levels of estrogen.

21:03🔗 Andy Dick Don't use the ring if you're smoking or drinking or breathing or living.

21:08🔗 Drew Here's the deal. When you take it by mouth, the first place it goes after it's absorbed from your gut is into your liver. This doesn't happen when you have these transdermal or intravaginal approaches. It gets right into the bloodstream. You're getting a pretty steady state rather than this big hit of the liver. It affects the way the sex hormone binding and the lobulin is produced. It affects what's available for use by your body, basically.

21:29🔗 Andy Dick That's a better way to do recreational drugs.

21:32🔗 Drew Is it a pill?

21:33🔗 Andy Dick Up your bum.

21:34🔗 Drew It's a ring.

21:35🔗 Andy Dick Can you go ahead and put that in my back door right now?

21:38🔗 Drew That's why you've been asking for this little pill here to be inserted?

21:42🔗 Andy Dick Well, you just said it will be better.

21:44🔗 Drew Well, I'm not sure this one is designed to dissolve that way. But yes, it is a way to get things directly.

21:48🔗 Andy Dick It's probably just calcium pill.

21:49🔗 Drew Yeah, damn.

21:51🔗 Andy Dick It doesn't take very long.

21:53🔗 Drew Yeah, your doctor or your husband or your boyfriend or whoever sticks it up, you put it in yourself. You just collapse it kind of like it's just a rubber little ring. Is it like a diaphragm? That's like the ring on the outside of a diaphragm. And it goes in and stays in for the month. And that's it.

22:06🔗 Andy Dick Oh, it's just the ring? There's a hole in the middle?

22:09🔗 Drew Right. It's just like a big ring. What's that, Emily?

22:12🔗 Andy Dick Does it dissolve or what?

22:13🔗 Drew No, no. You have to take it out at the end of the month.

22:15🔗 Andy Dick Right.

22:15🔗 Drew And you got to kind of reach in and pull it out. That's kind of a pain.

22:19🔗 Andy Dick But I have a story about that.

22:21🔗 Drew Come on.

22:23🔗 Andy Dick Is that Emily? Yeah. She might not want to hear this.

22:25🔗 Andy Dick Come on. No, no, no. I want to hear.

22:27🔗 Drew Andy, here's...

22:27🔗 Andy Dick I had a girl.

22:28🔗 Drew We have a rule tonight. You can't. So I've got to start. Oh, you can't handle it. I won't tell you.

22:31🔗 Andy Dick No, no. I'll tell you some of this one. This just is very quick. I was dating a girl and we used to have just some real good sex, very spontaneous and just all the time. You were one time.

22:44🔗 Drew 7, 8?

22:45🔗 Andy Dick Okay. Be quiet.

22:46🔗 Andy Dick This is when I was like, be quiet.

22:48🔗 Drew How dare you?

22:49🔗 Andy Dick No, I was probably 20s. No, no, no, no. Here's the point. I got, I, she just started kind of stinking. Stinking Lincoln.

22:57🔗 Andy Dick What have you been drinking?

22:59🔗 Andy Dick Down there, down in the private, down south, she just was stinking down south.

23:03🔗 Drew Can I give my diet differential diagnosis?

23:04🔗 Andy Dick I'll tell you what happened.

23:05🔗 Drew Let me tell you a guess. Either an infection or an old tampon.

23:09🔗 Andy Dick Guess what Dr. Dick found when he was Fishing around? Fishing around up there.

23:15🔗 Andy Dick An old, black, crusted, disgusting tampon.

23:21🔗 Drew Happens a lot.

23:22🔗 Andy Dick It was, I started dry heaving.

23:25🔗 Drew Talks, absolutely.

23:27🔗 Andy Dick That's what there was somebody I'm getting sick thinking about it.

23:29🔗 Andy Dick In a teen magazine or something, they had that and they didn't know why they were blacking out or whatever. They went to the hospital and they flipped out and they could have died because of a tampon.

23:40🔗 Andy Dick That is true.

23:41🔗 Andy Dick It's toxic.

23:42🔗 Andy Dick It's toxic for her, but it's shocking to the boyfriend when he pulls it out on that fishing line.

23:48🔗 Drew How did you, how did you, how did the conversation go down when you asked if you could go fishing?

23:52🔗 Andy Dick I was probably just, I probably was just using my fingers instead of my mouth because I just stopped going down on her. I was like, I can't do it. It's really, it stinks.

24:04🔗 Drew Oh, Emily, come on, Emily.

24:05🔗 Andy Dick It was black. It was like, it was like a, it was like a, it was like a catfish on the end of a fishing line.

24:11🔗 Andy Dick That's sad. How long did you...

24:12🔗 Andy Dick A dead, dried up black catfish. A month, probably.

24:17🔗 Andy Dick Who knows, right?

24:18🔗 Drew Who knows?

24:18🔗 Andy Dick She had, she told me she had put one on top of that one.

24:21🔗 Andy Dick How many years ago was this?

24:22🔗 Andy Dick Oh, like 10 years ago.

24:24🔗 Andy Dick Okay, well...

24:25🔗 Andy Dick I'm turning 40 this year, Emily.

24:27🔗 Andy Dick I'm sorry, I still don't know who you are. Oh. I didn't hear the first of the show, I'm so sorry.

24:33🔗 Andy Dick Andy Dick.

24:34🔗 Andy Dick Oh, my God, I love your show.

24:37🔗 Andy Dick Which one? I've had so many.

24:39🔗 Andy Dick I mean, you sound a little nasal tonight.

24:41🔗 Andy Dick I know I do. I actually should have blown my nose when I emptied out my butt.

24:46🔗 Andy Dick I like the one with the magazine, and then I like the other one. What do you do? The superstar thing?

24:53🔗 Andy Dick The Assistant?

24:55🔗 Drew No, no, no, no.

24:55🔗 Andy Dick The reality show?

24:57🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

24:57🔗 Drew The movie.

24:58🔗 Andy Dick The movie? The one about you being a child star?

25:02🔗 Andy Dick I'm not David Spade, honey.

25:04🔗 Andy Dick Oh, fuck.

25:06🔗 Drew Oh, Emily.

25:08🔗 Andy Dick Or she said the F.

25:09🔗 Drew She thought Andy was...

25:10🔗 Andy Dick She dropped the F-bomb.

25:12🔗 Drew Thought Andy Dick was David Spade, and she realized he wasn't. She dropped a huge old F-bomb on him.

25:20🔗 Andy Dick No, but in a good way, she felt bad.

25:22🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. Well, she remembered... Here, let me just real quick. Emily.

25:27🔗 Andy Dick Sorry.

25:27🔗 Drew You know who he is now?

25:30🔗 Andy Dick I'm so sorry. I won't say.

25:31🔗 Drew Do you know who Andy is?

25:32🔗 Andy Dick Yes, I do.

25:33🔗 Drew All right. Thank you.

25:34🔗 Andy Dick Oh, my God.

25:35🔗 Drew All right.

25:35🔗 Andy Dick It's okay. I'm not offended. I get it all the time.

25:38🔗 Drew Get that ring. It's good for you. Do not get pregnant. For God's sake, do not get pregnant.

25:43🔗 Andy Dick Put 20 of them in there.

25:44🔗 Drew The one and only Andy Dick in here tonight with me, the phone number...

25:47🔗 Andy Dick Shove 20 of them up there, lady.

25:49🔗 Drew 1-800-LOVE-191. We got a bunch of interesting calls coming up for you. Andy's here to regale us with more of his stories. So far, we've learned that is the Navy.

25:58🔗 Andy Dick Let's recap.

25:59🔗 Drew Gone from 0 to 10. He was his bitch from then on until he died of lymphoma. And he was adopted. Mom, dexedrine addict, died of breast cancer, who took him to the urologist's age 5 because he was masturbating too much.

26:14🔗 Andy Dick And I have my drunk brother looking through the window right now.

26:18🔗 Drew Jeff, currently intoxicated, is looking to the way.

26:22🔗 Andy Dick And that's how we like him.

26:23🔗 Drew And if you wonder why Andy is so creative and interesting, just let's see what we can learn about his history that helps explain it. So the phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. The one and only Andy Dick in here tonight. He's been kind enough to stop by. Tell us about it.

26:42🔗 Andy Dick I've always loved it. This feels like home to me. It's just sad.

26:46🔗 Drew Why?

26:47🔗 Andy Dick A place that helps people with sexual problems and whatnot. It feels like home to me.

26:53🔗 Drew It helps young people. And you've been a kind participant for a long time. We appreciate that.

27:00🔗 Andy Dick I like to know that when I tell my sad tale, people can listen and say, wow, I thought I was bad.

27:08🔗 Drew You know what they do, Andy? They look and they go, I love Andy. He seems to have a great career. Listen what happened to him and he's still doing great. I guess things are okay. I guess I'll make it.

27:16🔗 Andy Dick You know what I mean?

27:17🔗 Drew It inspires people.

27:18🔗 Andy Dick Oh, that's good.

27:19🔗 Drew Absolutely.

27:20🔗 Andy Dick Oh, yeah. I can guarantee you that whoever is within earshot of my voice right now, oh, you're going to make it.

27:26🔗 Drew No, I mean.

27:26🔗 Andy Dick No, but they know. I'm serious. They will make it in life is what I'm saying because my point is like you said, if I made it, I guarantee you, you're going to be just fine.

27:37🔗 Drew How are you doing? Everything good?

27:39🔗 Andy Dick It's like, you know, like, I don't know how to answer that question. I don't care to. I don't answer that question anymore.

27:44🔗 Drew Okay. Let me ask it differently.

27:49🔗 Andy Dick Um, yeah, but see what kind of question that is. What? Yeah, I'm doing good now.

27:55🔗 Drew Hang on Stephanie. You're about to be on the air. Stephanie, relax here. It's more like I'm thinking more in terms of what do you need? Are you, you know, what do I need?

28:04🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. I mean, is there anything you I'm thinking I might need a little break. I work so much. Like I don't think you understand how much I've just started realizing within the last two years or a year that I just work every day.

28:16🔗 Drew Are you workaholic?

28:18🔗 Andy Dick Kind of. I'm an everything-aholic.

28:20🔗 Drew Right, right.

28:21🔗 Andy Dick Like, you know, and work is money and money is this. And this was like, if they are like, I told you I'm doing Arrested Development tomorrow, tomorrow morning, 6 a.m. when they told me that when they just offered me this small, very small little part. But I literally started crying.

28:35🔗 Drew Because you love the show.

28:36🔗 Andy Dick I love the show. And I just think that that's just it's just one, if not the funniest show on TV, I can't believe they're canceling it.

28:42🔗 Drew Who are you on with?

28:43🔗 Andy Dick People don't have a good, you know, their sense of humor has not evolved yet. My movie, I don't know who I'm on with.

28:49🔗 Drew Who the scenes with?

28:50🔗 Andy Dick I don't even know. I don't even know. But I could do a scene with any one of them. I love them all.

28:56🔗 Drew Be fun, huh?

28:57🔗 Andy Dick I love them.

28:58🔗 Andy Dick But I don't know where that was going.

29:00🔗 Drew Well, you were saying about needing to break me at work.

29:02🔗 Andy Dick Oh, that I work too much. This is the day before Thanksgiving. You know, and I shoot the show, the ABC show, Less Than Perfect, which is not fully dead yet. And then I had another MTV show, it just ended last week.

29:13🔗 Andy Dick Wow.

29:14🔗 Andy Dick And then I'm doing my movie, or editing it, and I'm doing the music on the movie.

29:19🔗 Drew I don't know if people appreciate how hard it works. How, what a crazy combination that is.

29:24🔗 Andy Dick And I just shot that short film with Joel Gallin, the guy that does all those shorts, and I did that Harlan McCrane speechwriter thing last year, and we just did another one this year where I played Tom Cruise's and Katie Holmes' wedding planner.

29:36🔗 Andy Dick Oh, how funny.

29:37🔗 Andy Dick It's gonna be funny. We shot that yesterday from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. Where is that coming out? Comedy Central.

29:43🔗 Drew Oh my God.

29:44🔗 Andy Dick It's just so, like, too much work. And it's, but it's not the kind of work where you get paid a lot. My voice is a little hoarse from yelling all day yesterday.

29:52🔗 Drew Yelling as a director?

29:53🔗 Andy Dick No, I didn't direct that one. Joel did.

29:55🔗 Drew Oh, you were being the wedding planner.

29:56🔗 Andy Dick I was the wedding planner guy. And I'm just yelling going, That's not right!

30:01🔗 No rattan!

30:03🔗 Andy Dick Tom is allergic to rattan!

30:06🔗 Andy Dick And then I smashed the chair on this guy's back. But they had scored the chair so well that when I lifted the chair up, it kind of fell apart.

30:15🔗 Drew But you get something out of work, right?

30:17🔗 Andy Dick When stunts go bad.

30:19🔗 Drew What do you get out of work?

30:20🔗 Andy Dick Well that's just part of the addiction too. Work to me, it's two-folded because it's very, very self-centered. Like, oh wow, everyone's looking at me and laughing at me. But then, hey, they're laughing. So I'm also giving back. So I am being of service.

30:34🔗 Drew But it's arousing.

30:36🔗 Andy Dick But yes, I do get a boner.

30:39🔗 Drew I don't mean that kind of arousing. I mean sort of stimulating.

30:42🔗 Andy Dick No, it's very stimulating. But what I try to focus on, I try to take it off myself, you know, through AA and all the programs. And I try to look at it as a service. Because I am, I'm making people smile. I've had people stop me in airports or wherever and just to say, please don't stop. Because I'll tell you what, sometimes I really do want to stop. When I get like razzed or people say, you know, hate you or whatever, that's just like, I'm just gonna quit. Then I won't do, then I won't make you laugh.

31:12🔗 Andy Dick How about the hat?

31:14🔗 Drew Stephanie, 17.

31:19🔗 Andy Dick The Master Your Crack.

31:20🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

31:21🔗 Andy Dick Where was this? It's a routine on the Andy Dick.

31:23🔗 Andy Dick Are you like doing anything new or anything?

31:27🔗 Andy Dick Well, you're gonna like this movie that I came out with called Danny Rohn, First Time Director. It's a bit I did on the Andy Dick show called Master Your Crack. But he's talking about the character that I was doing, he's talking about like a wisecrack.

31:42🔗 Drew You're sure?

31:42🔗 Andy Dick So, but he wasn't even that good at it. So like he was quick witted and anybody was very like that Tom Cruise character in that movie when he was that motivating guy. What was that? I don't remember that. But that's who I was mimicking.

31:57🔗 Drew That's so funny.

31:58🔗 Andy Dick Which is weird. I hope, I don't think, I don't think I'll be working with Tom Cruise anytime soon. Not after this wedding planner.

32:04🔗 Drew Maybe Katie.

32:06🔗 Andy Dick No.

32:08🔗 Drew Stephanie, what's the deal? What's the question?

32:09🔗 Andy Dick Stephanie, what do you?

32:10🔗 Andy Dick Pretty much, yeah.

32:12🔗 Andy Dick I am pre-average size.

32:16🔗 Andy Dick I'm 5'1 and I weigh 130 and my boobs are really, really big and they just keep getting bigger. When I was a freshman, I was 30'60.

32:26🔗 Drew 17.

32:27🔗 Andy Dick And now I'm a 36'20.

32:30🔗 Andy Dick Does she have to get a breath reduction?

32:31🔗 Andy Dick Getting bigger. Like why?

32:34🔗 Drew Are you gaining weight? Are you getting heavy in the rest of your body? Are you getting heavy in the rest of your body? You're gaining weight?

32:43🔗 Andy Dick No, no, no.

32:44🔗 Caller I haven't gained any weight.

32:45🔗 Andy Dick I've been the same for pretty much my whole past two years.

32:49🔗 Caller I've been 130.

32:50🔗 Drew Are you having problems with this in terms of your back or neck?

32:54🔗 Andy Dick No, not really.

32:55🔗 Caller Maybe my neck is a little bit.

32:56🔗 Andy Dick I actually haven't had back problems yet or anything.

32:58🔗 Drew So you're just calling to brag? What's the question?

33:00🔗 Andy Dick No, no.

33:01🔗 Andy Dick It's such a problem because it just gets in the way of me wanting to get in. I cannot fit into anything.

33:08🔗 Andy Dick And it's just...

33:09🔗 Andy Dick Just don't fall asleep upside down and suffocate.

33:15🔗 Andy Dick I don't know.

33:15🔗 Andy Dick I mean, should I... How often do people do breast reduction and when? Is it only if you have that problem or when?

33:22🔗 Drew No, sometimes they do it for cosmetic reasons as well. But I think at your age, they would be sort of reluctant to do that. They'd wait at least another year or so. But... And then there is some continued growth after that too. So they want to make sure that you don't keep growing and need a second surgery. But here's some interesting questions I have for you. Do women treat you differently now?

33:40🔗 Andy Dick Treat me differently. Like...

33:41🔗 Drew Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes we've talked to women over the years that get the large breasts and the other women get sort of envious and angry and start...

33:49🔗 Andy Dick Oh, actually, I have had some girls tell me that in the past they've been jealous of me because of that and that they've, like, been, like, yeah, I think that might have happened.

33:57🔗 Drew How about boys? They treat you differently?

34:00🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

34:00🔗 Andy Dick I mean, I...

34:02🔗 Andy Dick Kind of, yeah.

34:03🔗 Andy Dick I do. I would have to say I do get treated a bit differently.

34:05🔗 Drew Alright, Stephanie. So what's your question? Should you have surgery or not? Not. Not to write them presently.

34:10🔗 Andy Dick Not yet, but...

34:10🔗 Drew Not yet, but maybe at some point they're not just in future. Griffin, 20.

34:16🔗 Andy Dick Griffin, wake up.

34:17🔗 Drew What's up?

34:17🔗 Andy Dick I'm awake.

34:19🔗 Andy Dick Griffin, that's such an awesome name.

34:22🔗 Andy Dick Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Alright, I got a question for you, Andy, actually. Earlier you said you plunged your butt. Now, I'm gonna have nightmares because I've got my own little visuals of what's going on here. And I need you to sugar coat one of those what's going on for me because I don't know if I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight thinking about plunging Andy Dick's butt.

34:44🔗 Andy Dick Alright.

34:44🔗 Andy Dick Wait, did I say punch my butt?

34:46🔗 Drew Plunge, plunge.

34:47🔗 Andy Dick Oh, plunge. I did not plunge my butt, buddy. Just get the white, let me take your head and pretend it's an etch a sketch and I'm just shaking it up right now.

34:59🔗 Drew He plunged the K-Rock toilet, right?

35:01🔗 Andy Dick I did plunge the toilet, you know, and then that wasn't all me. There was something going on with the plumbing.

35:06🔗 Drew Thanks, buddy. I want to tell you thank you for doing that for us here at Care.

35:09🔗 Andy Dick You're welcome.

35:10🔗 Drew Jason, 20.

35:11🔗 Andy Dick Wait, I want to talk to Griffin. Oh, you do? That was my favorite one. Griffin? Griffin?

35:15🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

35:16🔗 Andy Dick Did you hear all that?

35:17🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I heard all that.

35:18🔗 Andy Dick Buddy, come on. It's gonna be okay. You just get that out of your head. If you want, I'll plunge you. I'm just kidding.

35:28🔗 Andy Dick No, I saw that, buddy.

35:29🔗 Andy Dick Buddy, you're...

35:31🔗 Andy Dick I'm gonna go buy a plunger. And I'm gonna frame it and put Andy Dick on a little gold plaque.

35:41🔗 Andy Dick No, don't go buy a plunger, buddy. Don't go buy a plunger. Just go get some rest. Did you have a problem and you just don't want to talk about it because you wanted to make a joke?

35:51🔗 Andy Dick No, no problem.

35:52🔗 Andy Dick Really? You're doing good?

35:54🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I'm doing all right.

35:55🔗 Andy Dick Everything good with...

35:56🔗 Drew I thought you were doing good as a question we can't ask anymore.

35:58🔗 Andy Dick Are you doing good with sex, drugs, rock and roll? Everything's good?

36:02🔗 Andy Dick Sex, drugs, so good.

36:05🔗 Drew He's doing all that, I guess.

36:05🔗 Andy Dick You sound like you're fine. To me, he sounds fine, doesn't he?

36:08🔗 Drew Yeah, he sounds fine. That's why I'm moving along.

36:09🔗 Andy Dick Well, I like that guy. He was...

36:11🔗 Drew He liked you.

36:12🔗 Andy Dick He was fun.

36:13🔗 Drew Jason, 20. You asked for a testicle call, so I've got it from Jason.

36:16🔗 Andy Dick I didn't ask for a testicle call.

36:18🔗 Drew Jason, what's up?

36:20🔗 Andy Dick Hey, can you please find a testicle call?

36:22🔗 Drew I found one.

36:23🔗 Andy Dick I'm an expert in testes. I'm a nutsack expert.

36:29🔗 Andy Dick They call me Dr. Scroggs.

36:32🔗 Andy Dick But I don't grow any hair, like, all my testicles are anywhere around the testicles.

36:37🔗 Andy Dick That's okay.

36:38🔗 Andy Dick Wait, how old are you, though?

36:40🔗 Andy Dick 20.

36:41🔗 Drew You have hair everywhere?

36:43🔗 Andy Dick Well, I'm not like a hairy guy, but I grow hair on my face, and I grow hair on my legs. But I don't have any hair in the pubic area.

36:49🔗 Andy Dick It doesn't matter.

36:50🔗 Drew You don't have any pubic hair?

36:52🔗 Andy Dick I don't have any pubic hair.

36:54🔗 Andy Dick Any?

36:55🔗 Andy Dick None.

36:56🔗 Andy Dick You know, that is unusual.

36:59🔗 Drew There can be disorders of the adrenal gland and the testes.

37:03🔗 Andy Dick Wait, first he said balls, but now he's saying the whole pubic area?

37:07🔗 Drew So you have nothing sort of above the genitalia as well?

37:11🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

37:12🔗 Andy Dick Nothing.

37:13🔗 Andy Dick Like nowhere in that area, like on the balls, on the, you know, up around, up above it. I mean, I don't grow any pubic hair.

37:20🔗 Drew And he's 20. Do you have it under your arms?

37:23🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I have it under my arms.

37:25🔗 Drew You do?

37:26🔗 Andy Dick I'm not, like, really hairy, but I have some.

37:28🔗 Drew Are you normal stature, normal height?

37:30🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I'm about 5'9, 5'10.

37:33🔗 Drew Normal genitalia size, the testes and the penis, normal everything?

37:37🔗 Yeah.

37:38🔗 Andy Dick I'll tell you what, I'll tell you some. Don't worry about it.

37:42🔗 Drew No, no, there are disorders of the adrenal gland. And this actually is something that needs to see an endocrinologist. He doesn't need to see an endocrinologist. Absolutely.

37:47🔗 Andy Dick Like, he could die?

37:50🔗 Drew He needs to be, he could potentially.

37:51🔗 Andy Dick He's not gonna die.

37:53🔗 Drew It could affect his development permanently and something needs to be.

37:55🔗 Andy Dick Are you, like, deformed? Do you look normal?

37:59🔗 Andy Dick I guess I look normal.

38:01🔗 Andy Dick Well, like, do you have it, do you, did you gain, what would happen? Gain weight, lose weight? No. Your hands don't get bigger, what?

38:08🔗 Drew He just needs, he needs an evaluation. You have a, you have one of those flap, No, it's not gonna be that kind of development. It's gonna be more in terms of his muscle and bone growth, that sort of thing.

38:17🔗 Andy Dick But he's 20. He's probably, he's done growing.

38:21🔗 Drew Well, he may not be because I bet you there are tumors of the pituitary gland. Tumors? The prolactinoma that can presuppress testosterone production.

38:28🔗 Andy Dick You're making him and me very depressed right now.

38:31🔗 Drew Do you have normal sex drive?

38:34🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm attracted. I get, you know, I get going and stuff.

38:37🔗 Drew Do you masturbate?

38:40🔗 No.

38:41🔗 Drew Yeah, see, this is a developmental thing. Have you ever masturbated?

38:45🔗 Andy Dick I'm sorry?

38:46🔗 Drew Have you ever masturbated?

38:47🔗 Andy Dick No.

38:48🔗 Drew Do you have you ever ejaculated?

38:50🔗 Andy Dick Yes.

38:51🔗 Andy Dick How often? But how if you don't masturbate?

38:54🔗 Andy Dick It's just when I sleep, you know, just normal dreams.

38:57🔗 Drew Okay.

38:57🔗 Andy Dick You just need, you just need me.

39:00🔗 Drew How often does that happen?

39:02🔗 Andy Dick I, I would guess maybe once or twice a month.

39:06🔗 Drew Okay. It's not so often.

39:08🔗 Andy Dick You need to learn. Somebody honestly needs to teach him how to masturbate. Not me. I'm kidding. But somebody needs to teach him and you need to learn how to, to masturbate. And then if he masturbated more, the hair would probably start growing.

39:21🔗 Drew No, this is a prolactin screening tumor in the pituitary.

39:23🔗 Andy Dick Don't talk your doctor mumbo jumbo.

39:26🔗 Drew These are very common. There's a book called Man-Made out there by the guy who's now the publisher, the chief editor of Us Magazine who had one of these himself. And he talks about how it was when he was growing up that he masturbated a little bit, but he didn't have no drive and he didn't have normal hair development. He didn't really pay attention to it and didn't really like sports the way other guys did. They found the tumor, they corrected it. It's a very easily correctable tumor. And then he talks about this testosterone storm he went into when his testes turned back on again and he became a hockey player, he became a professional hockey player. He just thought about women all the time and he talks about how profoundly different male biology is when it's under the influence of its normal testosterone.

40:07🔗 Andy Dick I love, this is the Dr. Drew I love. It's fascinating things like this and there's something that stuck with me from the last time I was on when you said, and I did not know this and I guess it's true, that there is a drug out there that is more powerful than cocaine, more powerful than heroin, more powerful than obviously pot, alcohol, any kind of drug out there, and it's testosterone. You said it's the most powerful drug out there.

40:32🔗 Drew But young men are under the influence of a drug.

40:34🔗 Andy Dick Of testosterone.

40:35🔗 Drew Very powerful drug.

40:36🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, it'll make them kill.

40:38🔗 Drew Yes, it changes everything. Changes, and we don't pay enough attention to that. So we've grown up, we've raised this society where everybody's the same, men and women are just the same. It's all society creates. Are you effing kidding me? This biology of testosterone versus estrogen is so profoundly different that to ignore that is stupid. And by the way, if we can't appreciate people when there are profound biological differences, how the hell can we learn to teach people to appreciate subtle differences, cultural differences, racial differences, religious differences, when you deny that there are these huge biological differences? So come on, please. All right, Andy Dick in here, talking about interesting things, prolactinomas, hypotestosteronism, you know, things you might have. But definitely Jason needs to evaluate. There are other possibilities, but the most common thing is prolactinoma. So it does need to be evaluated by an endocrinologist. Do look in this important, Jason, because some of these things actually have serious consequences if they're not treated. May end up being no big deal, easily treated to get to it. Phone number here is 1-800-LOVE-191. Andy Dick, coming to life tonight, he's with us. Oh, stop looking at that clock, stop looking at that clock.

41:46🔗 Andy Dick I don't want it to end, honestly, I have fun. Like I felt like you were going to a commercial, like all right.

41:52🔗 Drew I am, I am.

41:53🔗 Andy Dick Why?

41:54🔗 Drew It's time, aren't we? Is it time? Yeah, we're late, actually. So we'll be right back.

41:57🔗 Andy Dick Yep, Loveline will be back.

41:59🔗 Drew Glad to hear it.

42:03🔗 Loveline will be right back.

42:06🔗 Andy Dick Can I request music?

42:08🔗 Drew Can you request music?

42:09🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, like that right there.

42:10🔗 Drew For the intro?

42:11🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, the intros and outros.

42:13🔗 Drew Well, go ahead, let's see what they can do. Put some down. What do you want?

42:15🔗 Andy Dick I don't know, I'll think about it. Let's take some calls.

42:17🔗 Drew Okay, well this is going to be very, because I was late on the last break, this one's going to be very short. So here we go, it's Johanna 18.

42:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

42:24🔗 Drew Here you go. You're on with Andy Dick.

42:26🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, well let me tell you what your problem is. Come on.

42:30🔗 Caller Okay, well I just want to say it's like normal for like girls to orgasm in their sleep.

42:39🔗 Andy Dick I'm going to take a stab in the dark. I actually, I'd like to do that. Now, I'm going to say, perfect. I'm going to say probably not being a doctor that is perfectly normal.

42:52🔗 Drew It's better than normal. Not everyone can achieve that.

42:54🔗 Andy Dick That's so, that's awesome. The only problem is.

42:56🔗 Caller It's hard for me to do it like while I'm having sex.

43:00🔗 Andy Dick Oh, well you have to figure out, you know, think about, maybe try to recreate whatever you're dreaming about. The worst part about that, you know what? I have wet dreams occasionally if I'll like abstain from sex and I'll have a wet dream. I've had probably less than five in my whole life and I don't like them only because I was sleeping during it.

43:21🔗 Drew You don't remember them. Yeah.

43:23🔗 Andy Dick I wake up and there's just sperm all over me.

43:26🔗 Drew Oh my God, the humanity.

43:28🔗 Andy Dick And I wasn't present to enjoy it.

43:31🔗 Drew No, Johanna, that's excellent. That means you have, you know, normal orgasmic function. You're able to function easily.

43:36🔗 Andy Dick You're healthy.

43:36🔗 Drew And although you can't quite yet get it figured out in a sexual relationship, I blame the guys more than you.

43:41🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

43:42🔗 Caller No, like I can't.

43:42🔗 Andy Dick That was my first thought.

43:43🔗 Caller I can't if it's really good, but then if I don't while I'm having sex, then I will later that night in my sleep.

43:49🔗 Drew Great. And that's good.

43:50🔗 Andy Dick But Dr. Drew's right. I think you're probably with young guys that don't know what they're doing. I'm not telling you to be with an older guy, but find a young guy who does know what he's doing. Cause they're out there and they will make you have an orgasm.

44:06🔗 I guarantee it.

44:08🔗 Drew Okay? It's good. It's all good. You're relaxed. You're fine. This is David 26.

44:14🔗 Andy Dick Hi, Dr. Drew. How are you?

44:16🔗 Drew Hey, Dave. We may have to cut you off and rejoin you after the break. We got just a very short period of time here, but what's up?

44:21🔗 Andy Dick I just have a quick question for you. I do want to say that I love Andy Dick. I love you, sister.

44:27🔗 Andy Dick Oh, thanks. I love you.

44:28🔗 Andy Dick Thank you. Dr. Drew, I have a quick question. I was sexually abused just once, or raped when I was 14, and I was wondering, I've had about 50 or so sexual experiences with this random people. As I've grown older, I didn't have sex until I was 20 after that. She was a good friend of the family, and so I'm wondering, what relation is that? What, why, why do I do that?

44:55🔗 Andy Dick Can I ask who molested you or whatever you said? They raped you.

45:01🔗 Drew A girl?

45:02🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, she was actually 28 years old.

45:04🔗 Drew Well, hold on a sec.

45:05🔗 Andy Dick A girl raped you?

45:06🔗 Drew Yeah, we have got to put you on hold, David.

45:07🔗 Andy Dick That sounds impossible.

45:09🔗 Drew We gotta figure out how that happened, why that was a rape, and what that meant to you, and why you're having lots of partners. He's on hold now. We're gonna take another break. Let's go to Andy. We'll take a little break here. We'll talk to your brother. Okay.

45:20🔗 Andy Dick The next one will be longer.

45:21🔗 Drew 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back. Hello. What is this?

45:27🔗 Andy Dick This is Loveline.

45:28🔗 Andy Dick 1-800-LOVE-191.

45:29🔗 Andy Dick Loveline will be right back.

45:37🔗 Drew Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. We're here tonight with the great Andy Dick. How come it's sometimes you're credited as Dick Andrews? Where the hell did that come from?

45:47🔗 Andy Dick I don't know. It was probably something I was embarrassed to be in.

45:49🔗 Drew Was that a name that you sort of, a name to plume? Well, no.

45:53🔗 Andy Dick Andy Dick, Dick Andrews.

45:54🔗 Drew Oh, I see. Oh, perfect. I see.

45:56🔗 Andy Dick You didn't even know this.

45:57🔗 Drew Oh, interesting.

45:58🔗 Andy Dick Okay.

45:58🔗 Drew Let's finish the call with David who was 26. He's sort of compulsively sexually active now. Andy? Andy?

46:06🔗 Andy Dick Just talking to him.

46:07🔗 Andy Dick What a surprise guest. Let's talk to him. Yeah, and so he claimed that he was raped.

46:12🔗 Drew He was raped at 14 by a family friend who was a female. How did that go down, so to speak?

46:17🔗 Andy Dick Well, she was a friend by marriage, and we just hung out together. She was 28. We did all kinds of stuff together, just had fun. And what happened was one night she explained to me that she wanted to have sex, and I was hesitant, but then it just kind of happened.

46:37🔗 Andy Dick That's not rape. Okay. She talked you into it. Did you have an erection?

46:43🔗 Andy Dick Well, yeah, obviously. I was a little curious, but.

46:45🔗 Andy Dick Well, that's not rape. You just, you agreed.

46:49🔗 Drew You were seduced by someone who was sort of a criminal. And-

46:55🔗 Andy Dick You know what? They should really draw the line between rape and seduction. I'd have a lot less lawsuits.

47:01🔗 Drew Yeah, you would. Uh-oh.

47:04🔗 Andy Dick Just kidding.

47:04🔗 Drew Something you want to tell us?

47:05🔗 Andy Dick I'm just kidding.

47:09🔗 Drew That's a sinister laugh in the background there. All right. So, David, and then you didn't have any sex after that until you were 20. Were you kind of freaked out about sex as a result?

47:16🔗 Andy Dick Oh, absolutely. And the reason why I called it rape was because, well, I'd talked to a therapist that said that you were raped and kind of labeled me. And so I always thought to this point that it was rape because she was 28 and I was 14.

47:32🔗 Drew Well, is it unwanted sexual contact, perhaps? And, you know, rape.

47:35🔗 Andy Dick Well, was it unwanted? He had an erection. The reason she's calling it rape is because he was 14. Right.

47:41🔗 Drew It was a crime.

47:42🔗 Andy Dick It was a crime, but the rape thing, come on, I'm sorry.

47:46🔗 Drew It was contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

47:48🔗 Andy Dick Well, it shouldn't have gone down that way, for sure.

47:52🔗 Drew Hold on now.

47:53🔗 Andy Dick My brother, that's the mystery guest has spoken.

47:55🔗 Drew The mystery guest will speak when spoken to.

47:57🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, spoken to. But I'd like to know that. Did he have a good time? Was it a good time for you? Or was it more awkward and what's it called?

48:06🔗 Andy Dick Scarring?

48:08🔗 Andy Dick It was pretty, pretty, afterwards, I was pretty embarrassed that I had done something like that. And I was trying to keep away from that kind of thing. And she was trying to explain to me that she was going to have sex with me at some point. And she wanted to wait till I was 16, but then it kind of happened just a few nights later after she had mentioned that.

48:31🔗 Andy Dick Well, is this what turned you gay?

48:35🔗 Andy Dick No, I'm not gay. I've been with like tons of women since then and since I turned 20. I'm just wondering, is there a connection here? Is there, do I hate women because I'm trying to get back at them by sleeping with so many?

48:50🔗 Andy Dick I bet there's a bunch of stuff like that going on.

48:52🔗 Drew Could be. What do you mean a bunch of them and how many?

48:56🔗 Andy Dick I worry about the figure of period, it was about 50 and so it was quite a lot.

49:00🔗 Andy Dick Have you ever been with a guy?

49:03🔗 Andy Dick Not, no, no.

49:06🔗 Andy Dick Not fully, not fully, but a little bit of experimentation?

49:09🔗 Andy Dick A little bit, yeah, yeah.

49:10🔗 Andy Dick That's okay. Me too. I'm actually a lot of experimenting. In fact, the test results are in and they're all thumbs up for me.

49:19🔗 Drew Oh, really?

49:20🔗 Andy Dick The thumb in the butt.

49:23🔗 Drew So are you preferring guys now?

49:26🔗 Andy Dick I'm just kidding.

49:27🔗 Drew No, I'm just asking.

49:28🔗 Andy Dick No, I'm just kidding about the thumb in the butt.

49:29🔗 Drew So do you prefer guys now?

49:31🔗 Andy Dick Oh, me? I thought you thought you'd know. Let's focus on our friend.

49:36🔗 Drew I'm really, I'm really, really curious.

49:37🔗 Andy Dick I'm not calling in. I don't have a problem.

49:39🔗 Drew You're sitting, you're talking to me.

49:40🔗 Andy Dick I'm really curious. I'm not calling in. If I had a problem, I'd call in. This guy has a problem, let's help him out.

49:45🔗 Drew Because I know you really like women too.

49:47🔗 Andy Dick I like them both.

49:48🔗 Drew And see, I don't get to talk to many people that do that.

49:50🔗 Andy Dick People can't comprehend that. They don't like it.

49:54🔗 Drew You know what it is?

49:56🔗 Andy Dick The straight people say, bisexual, you're bisexual, oh yeah right, you're gay. And the gay people say, bisexual, oh yeah right, you're gay. They both just put me in the gay category.

50:09🔗 Drew Well, I think that that's most commonly the case. It's very unusual and rare to come across someone that has a sort of well characterized bisexual orientation.

50:20🔗 Andy Dick It really is. And it's about not having boundaries, that's all. And I don't have boundaries on many levels.

50:28🔗 Drew Are you sexually compulsive you think too, as part of that?

50:30🔗 Andy Dick Oh yeah, I love it, I love it. But I don't look at it as a problem anymore.

50:34🔗 Drew No, I don't either.

50:35🔗 Andy Dick I used to. I'm like, oh my god, I have to do something about it. No, you know what I have to do?

50:41🔗 Andy Dick F.

50:43🔗 Andy Dick That's the F word without the rest of the letters.

50:46🔗 Drew Do you think that that... Now this is Jeff. Now it's time.

50:53🔗 Andy Dick Let's introduce my brother.

50:54🔗 Drew This is Andy's brother, Jeff Dick.

50:56🔗 Andy Dick The infamous Jeff Dick.

50:57🔗 Drew That was his voice there. Did you follow Andy, what he was saying there about how he has to F? That's his whole sort of mission in life, I guess.

51:06🔗 That is his mission in life.

51:08🔗 Andy Dick He's drunk, by the way, Jeff Dick.

51:09🔗 Drew Jeff's mission is to... You just screwed up.

51:12🔗 I'm sorry.

51:13🔗 Drew Okay. Well, his mic's off.

51:16🔗 Andy Dick Your mic is off. Your mic is off.

51:19🔗 Drew So, that's that.

51:21🔗 Andy Dick Screwed up. All right.

51:23🔗 Drew The Dick family.

51:24🔗 I don't know that...

51:25🔗 Andy Dick Your mic is off.

51:26🔗 Drew You're on a national radio show. Calm down. Calm down. FCC listens to these things. They only allow a certain kind of language to go over. They were allowed to talk about Andy putting his thumb up people's butts, about him plunging, about his scatological behavior.

51:41🔗 Andy Dick I have never put my thumb up anybody's butt. That was a comical...

51:46🔗 Drew Do you think as you sort of...

51:49🔗 Andy Dick Comical.

51:50🔗 Drew Mature and sort of maybe can move along in recovery and stuff that you'll sort of develop a focus, a major?

51:55🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

51:56🔗 Drew You'll declare a major? Male or female, you know what I'm saying?

52:00🔗 Andy Dick No.

52:01🔗 Drew You don't think you'll declare a major?

52:04🔗 Andy Dick To me, I've learned, I think it really is a choice. You have to just kind of go for it.

52:08🔗 Drew No, for you it is.

52:10🔗 Andy Dick For me it is. Yeah, because I can do both.

52:12🔗 Drew You're unusual that way.

52:13🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I could, yes, I could declare a major. I could choose to just be with women.

52:19🔗 Drew Do you see that as boundaries coming into place?

52:22🔗 Andy Dick Right now, I would prefer just to probably, because I've really been anti-dicked over by a lot of women.

52:33🔗 Drew Oh, interesting.

52:34🔗 Andy Dick So right now-

52:36🔗 Drew I'm pushing to the other side.

52:37🔗 Andy Dick I think I'd prefer just, because there's, it's kind of like, and I prefer to be with straight guys.

52:42🔗 Drew Well, I was going to say, because in a sense, you're not gay, you just, there's a category of men who have sex with men and they don't consider themselves gay.

52:50🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, that's, I would say that's me. It's like Brokeback Mountain, the movie's coming out. They're both married. That movie looks good. That movie speaks directly to me. They're both married with kids, but they just can't turn their love off.

53:05🔗 Drew But that's probably gay.

53:07🔗 Andy Dick What do you think?

53:08🔗 Andy Dick I don't know, dude.

53:09🔗 Drew We'll have to see the movie.

53:10🔗 Andy Dick It's hot though. Sounds steamy to me. And it's Heath Ledger.

53:15🔗 Drew I will let Jeff back on again.

53:16🔗 Andy Dick Let him back on.

53:17🔗 Drew What's that Jeff?

53:18🔗 Do you think the FCC would just...

53:22🔗 Andy Dick Just don't swear, dude.

53:23🔗 Drew Do not swear.

53:24🔗 I'm not swearing. Do you think they would take a pinky?

53:28🔗 Andy Dick No, you know what? He's fine. I'll tell you what, this guy shaped my humor. Did you see where he was going? He's funnier than me. He's just too drunk all the time.

53:38🔗 Drew We can't follow him. We have to interpret for us. Yeah.

53:41🔗 Andy Dick Well, he was just gonna... The FCC can suck my... He's trying to find the FCC's boundaries. He's being a little...

53:48🔗 Drew They can, whether they're gay or not.

53:50🔗 Andy Dick Number one.

53:51🔗 Drew A lot of stuff.

53:52🔗 Andy Dick Let's take a call.

53:54🔗 Drew We're still on with David. Oh, David, his question was...

53:58🔗 Andy Dick I'm really sorry.

53:59🔗 Drew Does the fact that he was sort of trauma light with this 14-year-old... Did you been sexually abused before that 14-year-old experience?

54:05🔗 Andy Dick No, I'd never have sex before that point.

54:08🔗 Drew Yeah, but did anybody touch you or anything before that?

54:11🔗 Andy Dick No, no. I had a pretty normal childhood as far as that's concerned.

54:15🔗 Andy Dick Do you like guys?

54:16🔗 Andy Dick No.

54:17🔗 Andy Dick Do you find a guy attractive ever?

54:20🔗 Andy Dick I find lots of people attractive, but...

54:23🔗 Andy Dick You sound a lot like me. I hate to say, I'm sorry to tell you.

54:29🔗 Drew Andy's spidey sense is tingling here.

54:32🔗 Andy Dick Sounds tingling.

54:33🔗 Drew You did say you have experimented with guys, David, and that's an interesting thing. You're talking about sex with women as something you act out on them. You don't like them, you hate them for taking away your virginity at 14, and Andy's picking up that just the way he was brutalized by women and forced over to men. Straight men, am I right, do I turn you on, Andy?

54:53🔗 Andy Dick You're a good looking guy.

54:55🔗 Drew But, I mean, you got some going here. I'm too old.

54:58🔗 Caller How dare you?

54:59🔗 Drew Jeff, hold on a second. This is important.

55:01🔗 Andy Dick I'm too old.

55:02🔗 Drew For me?

55:03🔗 Andy Dick I'm too old for me. I wouldn't date me. I'm sorry. Too much baggage there.

55:13🔗 Drew Why don't you know this is my favorite appearance of yours on Loveline.

55:15🔗 Andy Dick It is?

55:16🔗 Drew Yes, it really is.

55:17🔗 Andy Dick Oh, because we don't. I love Adam, though.

55:20🔗 Drew No, because you're coming in to focus, which is cool.

55:25🔗 Andy Dick He's starting to learn. But what's his name again?

55:27🔗 Drew David.

55:28🔗 Andy Dick David, I think that he might need to experiment. How well fun. Just go with the flow.

55:35🔗 Drew So he's 26. He's a man. I mean, he's grown up. Like you, though, he feels he was experiencing a brutalization by women or sort of a traumatic thing. He's sort of now acting it out of him, but it's unsatisfying. He doesn't say, I'm having sex with 50 women. It was a good thing. It's like, why do I do this? And maybe it's sort of, you know, a sexual compulsion that needs to, maybe he does need to follow the Andy Dick paradigm.

55:58🔗 Andy Dick Just try it.

55:59🔗 Drew Jack 18.

56:02🔗 Andy Dick Hello?

56:02🔗 Drew Hey, Jack, what's going on? You're on the air with Andy Dick.

56:05🔗 Andy Dick Hey, nice to meet you. I have a question about masturbating.

56:08🔗 Andy Dick I love it. I'll answer it.

56:10🔗 Drew It's the one topic Andy has not addressed yet tonight. He talked about not masturbating, having wet dreams, but here we go.

56:15🔗 Andy Dick I love masturbating.

56:16🔗 Drew Go.

56:16🔗 Andy Dick I've been masturbating since I was about 13.

56:18🔗 Andy Dick That's my middle name.

56:19🔗 Drew 13.

56:20🔗 Andy Dick Started at 13, squeezing it out.

56:21🔗 Andy Dick And I do it about five times a day.

56:24🔗 Drew Five times a day?

56:25🔗 Andy Dick Hey, don't. That's not too bad.

56:27🔗 Drew You were five. At five, what were you doing when you went to see the urologist?

56:30🔗 Andy Dick Shut up.

56:30🔗 Andy Dick Let's talk.

56:31🔗 Andy Dick So five times a day at this point, that's not too bad. Don't worry.

56:34🔗 Andy Dick Yes.

56:35🔗 Caller And I've kind of noticed it's leaning a little towards the right.

56:37🔗 Andy Dick Need to know, is that normal or what?

56:39🔗 Andy Dick Oh, of course. Everybody leans over here or over there.

56:42🔗 Drew Hey, Jack, is that normal is not a call?

56:45🔗 Andy Dick No, wait.

56:45🔗 Drew So that means you're bogus. No, no, I'm serious.

56:47🔗 Andy Dick It does.

56:48🔗 Andy Dick Is that an Adam Corolla thing?

56:49🔗 Drew Well, that's almost guarantees bogus.

56:51🔗 Andy Dick But I'll tell you what's not that normal, but I have seen is when your penis, you can say penis.

56:57🔗 Drew Yes, you can say that.

56:58🔗 Andy Dick Because it's a medical term.

56:59🔗 Penis.

57:00🔗 Andy Dick I knew he was saying it. I knew he just wanted to say it.

57:04🔗 Hey, Jack.

57:05🔗 Andy Dick No, Jack's gone.

57:06🔗 Drew Jack's on hold. He can hear you now.

57:08🔗 Andy Dick Your penis can lean to the right, to the left. What's really odd, and I have seen this, is when it goes down.

57:13🔗 Drew Yeah.

57:13🔗 Andy Dick It goes down between the legs. And I wonder.

57:15🔗 Oh, whoa.

57:16🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, when it gets erect, it goes, whoa.

57:18🔗 Drew It's trying to make its way to its own place.

57:21🔗 Andy Dick I think it's from people getting erections and being so embarrassed that they keep tucking them.

57:26🔗 Drew Interesting.

57:27🔗 Andy Dick And it just grow like shoes. Like those Japanese women, they put those shoes on to have little feet. They just keep tucking it. Oh my God, I have a boner. I have a boner. And they keep tucking it. And, you know, in the end, they're boners.

57:37🔗 Drew This is one of your partners. How did you react to that?

57:40🔗 Andy Dick It's...

57:42🔗 Drew Did you joke about it?

57:44🔗 Andy Dick Or did you just go, Oh my God, it's gross? No, never. I would never make somebody feel bad about how they look. But it probably would work with the right woman.

57:54🔗 Drew Well, in reality, the reality with women, that downward turn does get uncomfortable. In fact, Dr. Alton wrote this book on penal reconstruction. Let me get that book for Andy. He's going to love this. Oh my God. Andy, this book was meant for you. Do you remember this book?

58:07🔗 Andy Dick I don't want to see penises being cut up like a skirt steak.

58:12🔗 Drew All right. So here's the deal. The downward curvature tends to be sort of uncomfortable for women. You can get curvature to one side or another by traumatizing the penis. So this guy having masturbating five times a day and doing it to one side, can sort of bring it over to that side. There's something called Peyrona's disease where you get a scarring on one side that pulls it to that side. A little vitamin E, 800 units a day, is thought to be effective to help that. Ooh, there's micro phallus. You can fix one. See?

58:40🔗 Andy Dick This just means really small.

58:42🔗 Drew Don't vomit, Andy.

58:43🔗 Andy Dick This is really, that is like tiny.

58:45🔗 Caller Dr. Drew, can I ask you?

58:46🔗 Andy Dick Yes, of course.

58:48🔗 Caller Just, if you stroke to the left, would it wiggle to the left? What?

58:56🔗 Drew You mean if you masturbate to the left, would it move to that? Yes. And the question really is, if you then switched arms and head over to the right, could you straighten it back out again? And that's not so clear. You probably can't do that. Andy, I want you to talk to Debbie.

59:10🔗 Andy Dick This is exactly what I...

59:12🔗 Drew Were you afraid I was going to open up?

59:13🔗 Andy Dick This book is not...

59:15🔗 Drew What is that? What are you looking at?

59:18🔗 Andy Dick What is that? I can't tell if that's a penis or a vagina.

59:21🔗 Drew That's a clitoris, yeah. Are you sure? That's a large clitoris.

59:24🔗 Andy Dick It looks like a little penis.

59:26🔗 Drew Well, that's what the clitoris starts out as. It's a clitoris.

59:29🔗 Andy Dick It looks like a penis.

59:29🔗 Drew That's a clitoris. For the urethra needs to be redirected down here.

59:32🔗 Andy Dick That's a half. That's a pangina.

59:35🔗 Drew Yeah, that's adrenogenital syndrome.

59:37🔗 Andy Dick Vaginus. That's a vaginus.

59:39🔗 Drew Andy, Debbie is a Pentecostal, Andy, and Jeff, you too. This one's for you, a Pentecostal Christian. And I'll be respectful. Here we go.

59:48🔗 Andy Dick My favorite.

59:48🔗 Drew Are you ready?

59:49🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

59:50🔗 Drew Debbie, 20.

59:50🔗 Andy Dick This is just a book of small penises.

59:53🔗 Drew No, no, it's all kinds of reconstructions.

59:55🔗 Caller Are you telling me about my book?

59:56🔗 Drew Hi, Debbie. Hey, what's up?

59:59🔗 Caller Hi.

1:00:00🔗 Andy Dick I think I would love that book. Go, Debbie. We love you. Go. You're on the air with Andy Dick.

1:00:06🔗 Andy Dick Yes, I know. I love you.

1:00:08🔗 Andy Dick I love you.

1:00:08🔗 Drew See? I told you.

1:00:10🔗 Andy Dick Anyway, I just have a question. I was raised Pentecostal and I have a hard time having an orgasm and I want to know what I can do to fix it because I enjoy sex, but I never have an orgasm ever.

1:00:28🔗 Andy Dick Well, you were raised Penal, Penal Costal.

1:00:32🔗 Drew But you know what? I bet that has nothing to do with your lack of orgasm because many, if not most, 20-year-old women don't have orgasms. Probably because that's the way women are wired, unfortunately, and they need to figure things out very carefully.

1:00:45🔗 Andy Dick Women come later.

1:00:47🔗 Drew They do. And even then, only 40% of women ever have sex with intercourse, excuse me, have orgasm with intercourse.

1:00:55🔗 Caller I bet if I flew out there, we would...

1:00:58🔗 Drew Jeff would take care of you, provide you didn't vomit on you. Debbie?

1:01:03🔗 Andy Dick Yeah?

1:01:04🔗 Drew So the fact that you're not having an orgasm with intercourse is most women their whole life. Do you understand that?

1:01:11🔗 Andy Dick No, I don't want to be like that. All my other friends do it.

1:01:15🔗 Andy Dick No, they're probably lying.

1:01:17🔗 Drew Yeah, 60% of women have orgasm only with oral sex or some sort of direct stimulation. It's rather unusual to be able to have it with intercourse only.

1:01:25🔗 Caller I don't know what I could say, but I would do the thing for you.

1:01:32🔗 Andy Dick Okay. What? My brother will do the thing for you. Look, I think Dr. Drew...

1:01:38🔗 Drew Andy, you should always appear with your brother.

1:01:39🔗 Andy Dick He's great. You should have your boyfriend use his tongue or his fingers.

1:01:46🔗 Drew Yes, that's right.

1:01:47🔗 Andy Dick His tongue or his fingers.

1:01:49🔗 Drew And that will eventually work. And even then, many women find it's difficult to have orgasm under any circumstance until they're about 22. And it's so common that I begin to think that it's something biological. It's something, a wiring issue. Because for women to have orgasm, many times, they have to use their brain. Men only need to be a spinal cord prep. And women actually need to feel intimate. That experience of intimacy needs to be a part of sexual arousal, or rather drive that sort of thing going forward. So you need to be with another person. You need to kind of explore. You need to figure these things out and kind of work on it. But realize that it may be unrealistic to expect to have an orgasm with intercourse. Okay?

1:02:29🔗 Andy Dick Okay. But I will have one.

1:02:31🔗 Drew I believe you will have one. You're not going to be one of those people that doesn't have one. That actually is kind of unusual.

1:02:34🔗 Andy Dick And it's not a big deal if you don't.

1:02:36🔗 Drew No, you will. If you were one of those people, it wouldn't be a big deal.

1:02:40🔗 Andy Dick Well, I'm not, you know, a 20 year old girl.

1:02:44🔗 Drew It would be a big deal.

1:02:45🔗 Caller You're going to have one and it's going to be the best thing in your life.

1:02:49🔗 Andy Dick Just tell him the city you live in.

1:02:51🔗 Drew Jamie 23. Jamie. Hey.

1:02:55🔗 Caller Hey, I got a nasty question for you guys.

1:02:57🔗 Drew What kind?

1:02:58🔗 Caller Gross.

1:02:59🔗 Andy Dick Nasty. She sounds real upbeat for having a nasty, gross question.

1:03:03🔗 Drew All right. Here we go.

1:03:04🔗 Andy Dick Go ahead, cheerleader.

1:03:05🔗 Caller Well, hey, like like a month and a half ago, I started pooping blood and it was a lot and I started freaking out and I went to the doctor at my school because I had any insurance and he was like, don't worry about it.

1:03:20🔗 Andy Dick It doesn't sound good.

1:03:21🔗 Caller Keeps on happening. Come back. And so I kind of felt like stupid for even going to the first place.

1:03:27🔗 Andy Dick Did you eat a lot of peanuts the night before?

1:03:30🔗 Drew Peanuts. Do you have ham roe?

1:03:32🔗 Andy Dick Sometimes.

1:03:32🔗 Caller No, I don't.

1:03:33🔗 Andy Dick Sometimes if I eat things and I don't swallow them all the way like peanuts, they can scrape my butt.

1:03:39🔗 Drew That's really kind of a hemorrhoid. But do you, Jamie, Jeff loved that one, Andy. He actually got him out of his seat.

1:03:45🔗 Andy Dick You can come. Go have a cigarette.

1:03:49🔗 Drew I think he's going to fall down.

1:03:50🔗 Andy Dick Are you in your car? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. So that doesn't sound right.

1:03:58🔗 Drew What are you doing, Jamie?

1:04:00🔗 Caller I'm driving home from school or I'm getting home from school, sorry.

1:04:03🔗 Drew You actually saw a physician?

1:04:05🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. And the physician said that...

1:04:07🔗 Drew Not a physician's assistant or a nurse or something?

1:04:08🔗 Andy Dick And the physician said it's okay? That's not okay.

1:04:10🔗 Drew It's not okay to poop a lot of blood.

1:04:12🔗 Caller No, he didn't say it was okay. He said, don't worry about it and if it keeps happening. But I mean, it happened for, it stopped for like two days and it like, it pretty much happened for like a month. And really, I know I have to go back to the doctor. That's not my question.

1:04:25🔗 Andy Dick Have you had sex back there?

1:04:28🔗 Caller No, I did one time like, like seven years ago.

1:04:32🔗 Andy Dick Was it during that time?

1:04:34🔗 Caller What?

1:04:35🔗 Drew You were 16 then?

1:04:37🔗 Caller Well, I have a six year old son.

1:04:40🔗 Drew Oh my God. All right, so this is getting more and more complicated all the time. Do you take a lot of aspirin or anti-inflammatories?

1:04:47🔗 Caller Well, a couple of years ago, I used to take a lot, a lot of laxatives and I, and I don't want to bring that up to a doctor like to somebody's face if I don't have to. So my question is kind of-

1:04:59🔗 Drew How is a doctor supposed to make his assessment or her assessment unless you have the information?

1:05:04🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, you have to tell your doctor everything.

1:05:05🔗 Drew You've got to give the data.

1:05:07🔗 Caller I know, but if it doesn't have anything to do with that-

1:05:09🔗 Drew I'm telling you, you have to bring that up.

1:05:11🔗 Andy Dick A laxative?

1:05:11🔗 Drew You have to bring that up.

1:05:13🔗 Andy Dick A laxative is directly related to your butt.

1:05:15🔗 Drew Yes, you must bring that up.

1:05:16🔗 Andy Dick It is related.

1:05:17🔗 Drew Here's the real problem with the bleeding thing is that you're a young person so it probably isn't a cancer or a polyp, but it can be, and that needs to be evaluated if you have continued bleeding. It's most commonly a hemorrhoid, but even so, that should be very transient bleeding. If it continues bleeding, we have to worry there's something wrong with your blood clotting system and things like leukemia come into the mixture.

1:05:35🔗 Andy Dick I'm not a doctor and I know that blood on your stool, as they say, is one of the main reasons to go to the doctor.

1:05:41🔗 Drew It's a very serious symptom.

1:05:43🔗 Andy Dick You might need to go to another doctor.

1:05:44🔗 Drew So you need to go.

1:05:45🔗 Caller I want to go to another doctor.

1:05:47🔗 Drew You need to go.

1:05:48🔗 Andy Dick The butt doctor.

1:05:49🔗 Drew You need to go right away, okay?

1:05:50🔗 Andy Dick Go to Dr. Butthole.

1:05:51🔗 Drew A gastroenterologist or a proctologist would be a reasonable way to go. Or Dr. Andy Dick, who receives all about that part of the human body and the anatomy. Jamie 21.

1:06:00🔗 Andy Dick I'll give you a cork.

1:06:01🔗 Drew Another Jamie, 21.

1:06:03🔗 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:06:04🔗 Andy Dick Pop it right in there. Stop the bleeding.

1:06:07🔗 Caller Hello?

1:06:08🔗 Drew Yes, Jamie. You're on with the one and only Andy Dick. His trusty ward, Jeff, has left the building. I believe he's leaning over, vomiting over there. You see that? I think that's what he's doing. Oh, he just did vomit. I see. Did you? What's up, Jamie? Jamie? He just had a Jamie. There's another Jamie.

1:06:29🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. I was with a guy for three and a half years. We actually just broke up about five months ago. And for like the last year, we were together. We were living together. And he would rather watch a porn and jack off than have sex.

1:06:40🔗 Drew That's not good. Why'd you stay with him three years?

1:06:44🔗 Andy Dick It was like my first love and my first everything.

1:06:46🔗 Drew Yeah. You came. This is a thing early in relationships at a young age. A, first, you have sex with somebody you're young. It bonds you in a way that's sort of too intense. Secondly, it's normal for relationships that, particularly those that involve sex, to last too long. You just don't know. You don't have enough experience to know that it's over. You don't know how to end it. It feels like it should never end. It's just very bad and awkward. Well, at least you got out.

1:07:09🔗 Andy Dick Were the girls in the pornos hotter than you?

1:07:13🔗 Drew How dare you?

1:07:13🔗 Andy Dick Well, that's a real question. Were they hotter?

1:07:18🔗 Andy Dick Well, not most of them, actually.

1:07:20🔗 Andy Dick They were older?

1:07:22🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

1:07:23🔗 Andy Dick He might like older girls or something.

1:07:26🔗 Andy Dick Well, I actually found out the girl he's with now is even younger than me. And I was older than him, too. I'm a year and a half older than him.

1:07:33🔗 Drew Whatever. Just count your blessings as you're out of that relationship, okay? It's all good.

1:07:38🔗 Andy Dick He's out.

1:07:39🔗 Drew What are you doing now?

1:07:41🔗 Andy Dick I was wondering if that was his problem or if that was...

1:07:44🔗 Andy Dick It's his problem.

1:07:45🔗 Drew It is his problem. Please, ladies, do not take these things on yourself.

1:07:49🔗 Caller No, I don't mean like that.

1:07:50🔗 Andy Dick I mean if it was his problem or a problem in the relationship.

1:07:54🔗 Drew No, it's his problem.

1:07:56🔗 Andy Dick You are probably gorgeous and I would not need to look at porn for me and you to have fun.

1:08:02🔗 Drew The problem is Andy likes guys. Would you please? Okay, Jamie, thanks for your call. I'm just saying, I'm just saying.

1:08:08🔗 Andy Dick I bet I'd like her.

1:08:10🔗 Drew Would you? So interesting the way you move back and forth.

1:08:12🔗 Andy Dick So fluid. I know, I just go with the flow.

1:08:16🔗 Drew You ever get in trouble with that?

1:08:18🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

1:08:19🔗 Drew You can't have a relationship then. You're always just whatever.

1:08:21🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I was just talking to somebody today. At one point, my girlfriend, this is towards the end when I knew we weren't gonna, it wasn't gonna last long. My girlfriend walked in on me and I had a friend, I had a friend and I were like, well, I don't know how to put this so the FCC won't give me a phone call.

1:08:42🔗 Drew You were engaged in an act.

1:08:44🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, me and a guy friend, I had his penis in my hand basically. And it was like that shaggy song, it wasn't me. She's like, I just saw you. I'm like, no, he was taking a shower. He's going, no, it wasn't me. Like I really convinced her that it wasn't even me. She saw me with another man's penal.

1:09:08🔗 Drew That is such an addict move.

1:09:09🔗 Andy Dick Penal, that's not a word.

1:09:11🔗 Drew Peni.

1:09:12🔗 Andy Dick Peni? That's a bunch of them, like an octopi. A peni? There was like 10 peni all around.

1:09:21🔗 Drew Much peni, yes.

1:09:22🔗 Andy Dick Is that the plural for penis? No. Just because you're a doctor doesn't mean you can make things up.

1:09:28🔗 Drew No, yes it does. On this show. I mean, be real here. You having fun, Andy?

1:09:36🔗 Andy Dick I am.

1:09:37🔗 Drew Good. Andy Dick, 1-800-LOVE-191. Give him a call.

1:09:42🔗 Andy Dick It wasn't me.

1:09:42🔗 Drew He's coming clean to that.

1:09:44🔗 Andy Dick I want that Shaggy song when we come back.

1:09:45🔗 Drew He's coming clean with us, though.

1:09:47🔗 Andy Dick For the intro back.

1:09:49🔗 Drew Yeah, Todd, get that Shaggy song, It Wasn't Me.

1:09:51🔗 Andy Dick Doesn't.

1:09:52🔗 Drew Yeah. Don?

1:09:53🔗 Andy Dick Shaggy.

1:09:54🔗 Drew Todd.

1:09:54🔗 Andy Dick Todd. It wasn't me. But then she saw me in the shower. It wasn't me.

1:09:59🔗 Drew I have a question, though.

1:10:00🔗 Andy Dick But his penis was in your hand. It wasn't me.

1:10:03🔗 Drew A straight guy, though, you get this sort of visceral reaction when you think about it. Too mad to get it. It's like seeing your parents doing something else.

1:10:09🔗 Andy Dick Oh, it's freaky.

1:10:10🔗 Andy Dick But that's kind of what I like about it. Oh, that's it.

1:10:13🔗 Drew Okay. And when we get back, we're going to talk about that. Call us. Give us a call. We'll be right back. It's Loveline 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. We are hearing all about Andy Dick's life. And I'm interested now in this one little piece that we were sort of getting into when we went to the break about how it's the naughtiness of male, male sexuality that you particularly like.

1:10:31🔗 Andy Dick That's one part of it.

1:10:34🔗 Drew And the other part?

1:10:36🔗 Andy Dick The big penis. No, I don't. I don't care if it's big or little, actually. That's not part of it. I think it is the taboo. That's why I like straight guys. I like guys. You know what it is? It's a mild form of domination. That's what it is. You know, you've heard of S&M. But this is a very, very mild S&M. It's like somebody. Yeah, it's like somebody's like, I'm not so sure. I want to do this. I'm like, oh, you got to try it. And then, you know, it really is like that. Very subtle.

1:11:05🔗 Drew And what is it? And was that something that maybe happened to you at one time?

1:11:08🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I think it did.

1:11:09🔗 Drew And so that makes you feel like you're sort of in control of that experience now?

1:11:12🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. Yeah.

1:11:13🔗 Drew Or that's That's every time you have sex with a man, though.

1:11:18🔗 Andy Dick No, there's no, then there's other emotions that come up.

1:11:21🔗 Drew Then you then you start getting in a relationship. Then you start loving the person.

1:11:24🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, like my boyfriend is right there.

1:11:25🔗 Drew But now you, but now you with your boyfriend.

1:11:27🔗 Andy Dick I love my boyfriend. He's right there, Sam.

1:11:28🔗 Drew I do, Sam.

1:11:29🔗 Andy Dick Isn't he beautiful?

1:11:30🔗 Drew Yes. And you with your boundary issues, you said it's hard to maintain a relationship. Are men more forgiving of that?

1:11:35🔗 Andy Dick I never say it's hard to maintain one.

1:11:37🔗 Drew Well hard because you have bad boundaries.

1:11:39🔗 Andy Dick I've been, no, lately I'm just not really, I don't have, you know, like I've been, when I'm with a girl, I was usually with them for five years.

1:11:50🔗 Drew But you were messing up more.

1:11:52🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, I was messing up here and there.

1:11:53🔗 Drew That's what I'm saying. Is that those boundary issues make it hard to have relationships, right? Are men more forgiving?

1:12:02🔗 Andy Dick Straight men are more non-committal. So you can't, you know.

1:12:07🔗 Drew So you can't say we're having, you're not my boyfriend.

1:12:09🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, it's very hard.

1:12:10🔗 Drew Alright, here's a guy named Ty who's in that situation.

1:12:13🔗 Andy Dick Wow, you nailed it right on the head, bud. You nailed it right on the head.

1:12:17🔗 Andy Dick How old are you?

1:12:18🔗 Andy Dick Well, I'm 43. Let me tell you first of all, a little bit about myself. You know, I label myself as homosexual and not gay. And I consider there to be a difference because I'm just a guy who happens to like guys.

1:12:31🔗 Drew Alright, men who have...

1:12:33🔗 Andy Dick You know, I've known this guy for about seven or eight years. He did not know about me. He just happened to find me online one day and, you know, hit me up. And I was completely floored that I knew this guy who had had these interests. Now, for the last seven months or so, we've gotten pretty serious here, at least sexually with each other. And, you know, there's different degrees of sexual intimacy between guys. And he comes across to being hyper masculine. Okay, we're talking the biker, we're talking the job that he does, we're talking the environment in which he lives, the friends...

1:13:13🔗 Andy Dick What job, what job does he have?

1:13:15🔗 Andy Dick I'm just curious.

1:13:17🔗 Andy Dick Mechanic.

1:13:18🔗 Andy Dick I was gonna say like construction.

1:13:20🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, well, and the equipment operator.

1:13:22🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, so he always comes home all greasy.

1:13:24🔗 Andy Dick Is he married? Well, you know, he's married with kids, but hang on a second, the marriage is essentially over. I mean, I've been invited into the family, I go over there in the evenings.

1:13:38🔗 Drew By her?

1:13:39🔗 Andy Dick By both.

1:13:41🔗 Drew She does not know.

1:13:43🔗 Andy Dick The bickering, the yelling back and forth, the hostility in the house is incredible.

1:13:48🔗 Andy Dick Does she know that you guys are hooking up?

1:13:50🔗 Andy Dick No.

1:13:51🔗 Drew No way. Brokeback Mountain.

1:13:53🔗 Andy Dick No way.

1:13:53🔗 Andy Dick This is Brokeback Mountain here.

1:13:54🔗 Andy Dick Here again, you know, like, like he's out on the road during the day, he'll pick me up, we'll drive around. Now today, example, you know, we head back over my house, we chill out. The next thing we know, we're fooling around.

1:14:07🔗 Andy Dick What does fooling around entail?

1:14:08🔗 Andy Dick Really likes to get into it with me.

1:14:11🔗 Andy Dick What do you mean get into it? Do you guys have sex?

1:14:13🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

1:14:13🔗 Andy Dick Oh, yeah.

1:14:14🔗 Drew Straight up.

1:14:14🔗 Andy Dick Who's the top?

1:14:15🔗 Andy Dick Who's the bottom?

1:14:16🔗 Drew This naughty business that Andy was talking about, is that a relatable thing for you?

1:14:22🔗 Andy Dick Well, you know, here's the thing. You know, before we even started playing around, like I said, I've known the guy for about seven years.

1:14:28🔗 Andy Dick How old is he?

1:14:29🔗 Andy Dick He's 35. Okay. I sat him down and I said, you need to talk with me about this because I don't understand where you're coming from. You're telling me you're a straight guy, but you really get into dick. I have a problem with that. And I was trying to, you know, pick his brain over the last couple of months. And now, in the last week, I'm really having troubles with this because what we're doing and what we've initially started out doing months ago is really involved sexual contact. And, you know, I test HIV negative. I don't really play around all that much. So we're really into some unsafe activity as well.

1:15:10🔗 Andy Dick Oh, because you're not using rubbers.

1:15:12🔗 Andy Dick No, we're not.

1:15:13🔗 Andy Dick Oh, man.

1:15:14🔗 Andy Dick I test regularly. I am monogamous. I've had probably five partners in the last five years.

1:15:22🔗 Andy Dick OK, well, I think things sound great. Looks like you have a real great the only the only setback is the fact that he's married. Yeah.

1:15:31🔗 Andy Dick No, the real setback is at this point is, remember, I do get into guys. And I am emotionally attached to men as well.

1:15:42🔗 Andy Dick And and and I and he is to that guy likes you.

1:15:46🔗 Andy Dick That's what I'm trying to figure out.

1:15:48🔗 Andy Dick You want to know that he you want to know like like you're a 13 year old little girl. You want to know if your boyfriend likes you back. Well, no, it's a yes. No, no.

1:15:57🔗 Drew But it's like a woman who's a married guy. And that's the normal thing is how is he ever going to leave?

1:16:02🔗 Andy Dick Exactly. It's never horrible. They never leave, do they?

1:16:06🔗 Andy Dick But I'm not asking.

1:16:08🔗 Andy Dick Dr. Drew just said he never leaves.

1:16:09🔗 Andy Dick I asked him point blank today. You know, I'm developing feelings for you here, right? Is there any way that you can ever find me? Is there any romantic interest that you could ever find in me?

1:16:23🔗 Drew And what did he say?

1:16:24🔗 Andy Dick His answer is usually, you know, it's like, no, I find I love a woman. I love the touch of a woman. I love the feel of a woman. But I love being dominated by you. I love having you get very aggressive with me. I love going out to the bars, you know, his bars, you know, and, and, and, you know, drinking beers with me. And none of his friends know that the guy sitting next to him.

1:16:48🔗 Drew Here's the deal.

1:16:49🔗 Andy Dick He's getting banged.

1:16:50🔗 Drew He's acting out his, he's acting out his.

1:16:52🔗 Andy Dick I love that. That is so, I love it.

1:16:54🔗 Drew You're flat out what you are and you're getting involved with this guy. He's acting out his childhood sexual abuse.

1:17:00🔗 Andy Dick You know, and I did, now here, it's funny you brought that up because I asked him today, I said, you know, how was your childhood? Because your house, your relationship with your wife, it's so aggressive and so hostile. Tell me about your childhood. Mother and father were both serious drug addicts and still to this day are. Of course. Very abusive. You know, I asked him, I said, you know, were you beaten? He goes, the belt was out all the time.

1:17:27🔗 Drew Yeah, he's a mess, Ty. He's a mess.

1:17:29🔗 Andy Dick Because, you know, instead of being taught, you know, how to do something, he was shown firsthand. In fact, he said, you know, today they, he said, when I got my first mini bike, I wanted to know how to turn it off. So my father made me, you know, shove a tire iron in the tire to prove that this is not the way to do it. And I'm thinking, you know, it's, it was, it's troubling to hear this because it, you know, the guy comes across as being really...

1:18:02🔗 Drew He is a mess. That's the reality. I understand he comes across a certain way. And in your fantasy, he's a certain guy. The reality is he's a mess. He's an abuse survivor. He's got profound trauma in his childhood. I guarantee you, he was sexually abused by a man. And this is just what he's acting out repeatedly with you. He's not the guy you think you is. I would be, I'd be saying the same thing. If you were a 17 year old male involved with a female sex That tire iron thing. This is, this is a huge project you've undertaken.

1:18:27🔗 Andy Dick I thought he was going to say the tire iron.

1:18:28🔗 Drew He is not going to leave that wife and this is not going to be a good outcome. You have to really think about what you're getting involved with here. Matt 16.

1:18:36🔗 Andy Dick Hey, I got a question for Andy.

1:18:38🔗 Andy Dick Yes sir.

1:18:39🔗 Andy Dick First of all, I both see you go both are hexafoolish. What?

1:18:44🔗 Drew Say that again?

1:18:45🔗 Andy Dick Hexafoolish.

1:18:45🔗 Andy Dick Both hexafoolish, which is just awesomely cool.

1:18:48🔗 Andy Dick Oh, that's awesome. Yes.

1:18:50🔗 Andy Dick And Andy, what happened to the reality show on MTV? The reality show, what happened to that thing?

1:18:55🔗 Andy Dick The reality show was a short-lived, it was a 10-episode show I did just recently, that they demoted in the middle of it, and they put it on MTV Overdrive, which is the Internet. And I joked about if they would demoted further, it would just be trading cards.

1:19:19🔗 Drew Here's the reality about MTV, nothing lasts more than a few months.

1:19:24🔗 Andy Dick But I've done so many shows for them. So anyways, it's gone. And if you want to know who won, the Italian guy, Life with Uncle Bobby, his name was Andy, he was the Italian guy, he won.

1:19:34🔗 Drew Josh is 21.

1:19:34🔗 Andy Dick So he gets his own show.

1:19:35🔗 Drew Hey Josh, what's up?

1:19:38🔗 I've been with my girlfriend for about three years now, and I caught her, she told me about how she'd been seeing another girl, like a bull dyke girl.

1:19:53🔗 Drew That was bogus. Come on. Remember the laws of bogosity.

1:19:57🔗 Andy Dick Bull dyke girl.

1:19:58🔗 Drew And bogus.

1:20:00🔗 Andy Dick How do you know it's bogus?

1:20:01🔗 This is so, I'm so not bogus, dude.

1:20:06🔗 Andy Dick This sounds real.

1:20:07🔗 Listen, listen to this. I'm hanging out with a friend of mine and she says she's going to go get dinner with a friend of hers.

1:20:16🔗 Drew Is this your brother?

1:20:17🔗 Andy Dick No.

1:20:17🔗 Drew No. Go ahead.

1:20:19🔗 Andy Dick He's just drunk or high.

1:20:20🔗 Drew I know.

1:20:21🔗 Andy Dick I can tell that. That's okay. You're allowed to be.

1:20:25🔗 I go get dinner with a friend of hers. She, I go to go get food with a friend of mine in town. She was supposed to be going to the next town over like five miles away. And we see her across the street from where we're getting food, getting food. And we're, and I call her and I'm like, what are you doing? And did you make it to the restaurant? All right. And I'm like, did you meet me? Did you meet so-and-so?

1:20:52🔗 Drew All right. Turn over all the cards, Josh. Tell us what happened and what the question is. I don't want to hear what you said minute to minute as you've came across the street and spotted her in a fast food joint. What happened? What's the question?

1:21:04🔗 She told me how she had made out with this other girl.

1:21:09🔗 Drew And what's your question? Okay, got it. What's the question?

1:21:14🔗 What should I do about this? I planned on marrying this girl. I've been...

1:21:20🔗 Drew Well, you're 21. How old is she?

1:21:23🔗 Caller She's 20.

1:21:24🔗 Drew All right. Well, why don't you put a little delay action on the marriage proposal, which is just see where things go. She's obviously got some confusion and some chaos that she needs to inject into this relationship. Maybe it's because she's afraid of getting married to the long-term commitment. I don't know. I don't know her, but she is sabotaging this for some reason in some way. Why don't you see where these cards land before you make a long-term commitment? If she has a long history of sexual abuse or physical abuse or that kind of trauma in her background, you can expect more of the same going forward.

1:21:55🔗 Andy Dick In the meantime, smoke some more pot.

1:21:58🔗 Drew That's the other problem is your addiction.

1:21:59🔗 Andy Dick Next.

1:22:00🔗 Andy Dick That's not a problem. That's helping him.

1:22:03🔗 Drew I beg your pardon.

1:22:04🔗 Andy Dick It helps.

1:22:06🔗 Andy Dick If I didn't have pot, I'd be dead by now.

1:22:08🔗 Drew It helps till it doesn't. You're right. There are many addict patients that say that, but then when it doesn't...

1:22:14🔗 Andy Dick You know how many people I have known who died sober? I'm like, you should have had a effing drink. You should have had one drink or smoked a little pot. Maybe you'd start the cycle all over, but you'd be still alive.

1:22:29🔗 Andy Dick Do you think about that?

1:22:30🔗 Drew What died of what?

1:22:32🔗 Andy Dick They killed themselves.

1:22:33🔗 Drew Of suicide. Yeah. No, if they commit suicide, they were gonna commit suicide using probably sooner. That's the reality with that.

1:22:40🔗 Andy Dick Well, you might be right.

1:22:43🔗 Drew On that happy note, we'll take yet another break. It's 1-800-LOVE-191. Anyone talk about your exploits or anything to try to bring the mood up again? I'm just gonna bring it up. How many guys have you been with?

1:22:54🔗 Andy Dick About eight.

1:22:54🔗 Caller Eight?

1:22:56🔗 Andy Dick Buddy.

1:22:57🔗 Drew Buddy.

1:22:57🔗 Andy Dick Please.

1:22:58🔗 Drew Give me more than 50?

1:23:00🔗 Andy Dick I really.

1:23:02🔗 Drew More than 70?

1:23:03🔗 Andy Dick Buddy, I really don't know. I don't count.

1:23:05🔗 Drew More than 100?

1:23:06🔗 Andy Dick Let's say at least two. Can we leave it at that? No. Go to the commercial. I want to hear about the Weenie Rose. Now the Acoustic Christmas is coming up.

1:23:15🔗 Drew I know.

1:23:16🔗 Andy Dick Are you going to be in it?

1:23:17🔗 Drew I hope you're going. I don't know. You're looking at me like I'm supposed to be in it.

1:23:20🔗 Andy Dick Is this the new CD or what is that?

1:23:22🔗 Drew I guess so. It seems to be.

1:23:24🔗 Andy Dick Every year I write a song. Remember Santa's Pissed Off, Santa's Yule Off.

1:23:29🔗 Andy Dick They didn't ask me.

1:23:30🔗 Andy Dick No, they're not doing the CD this year.

1:23:32🔗 Drew I'd be angry if I were you.

1:23:33🔗 Andy Dick They're not doing that. You know that? They're not, Kevin, they're not doing the Christmas CD this year.

1:23:39🔗 Drew We are going to take a break and be right back.

1:23:40🔗 Andy Dick Bye bye.

1:23:41🔗 Loveline, be right back in a minute.

1:23:54🔗 Drew Dr. Drew Loveline, 100LOVE191, the one, the only, the amazing Andy Dick, and tonight, sharing his secrets, and his clarifying things for us.

1:24:05🔗 Andy Dick The secrets to my failure.

1:24:07🔗 Drew No, I'm learning a few things tonight. That whole discussion we had about men who have sex with men was very interesting. I haven't had a conversation like that in a long time here.

1:24:14🔗 Andy Dick Well, I'm gonna have a panel forum this Saturday. Bring all your guys.

1:24:18🔗 Andy Dick No, I'm not.

1:24:20🔗 Drew But it is kind of interesting how these, there are subtle differences and how clearly to me, Ty's boyfriend or the guy he was starting to fall in love with was a sexual abuse survivor. Ty was not.

1:24:31🔗 Andy Dick You see that difference?

1:24:33🔗 Andy Dick It was weird. Ty was sort of much more wanting a relationship.

1:24:37🔗 Drew Yeah, more red boundaries. Clear he wanted a relationship and happy with a male. The other guy wanted sex in a certain way. Just to be nasty. Yeah. And well, it was clearly.

1:24:46🔗 Andy Dick I might be in one of those right now. I don't wanna talk about that though.

1:24:51🔗 Andy Dick OK.

1:24:52🔗 Drew That time I felt like you meant that.

1:24:53🔗 Andy Dick I did.

1:24:54🔗 Drew Adrienne, I know it so I'm not going there. Adrienne 19.

1:24:57🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. Hi.

1:24:58🔗 Drew What's up? New Orleans. Are you in New Orleans right now?

1:25:03🔗 Andy Dick No, actually, I'm in rain, but we're moving back tomorrow.

1:25:08🔗 Drew Congratulations. Were you out because of the flood?

1:25:11🔗 Andy Dick Yes. Our house got 25 feet of water. Wow. Yeah.

1:25:17🔗 Drew That's going to be weird, huh?

1:25:19🔗 Andy Dick Horrible.

1:25:20🔗 Andy Dick We were right where the levy broke.

1:25:22🔗 Drew You what?

1:25:23🔗 Andy Dick We were right where the levy broke.

1:25:25🔗 Drew Wow.

1:25:26🔗 Andy Dick So all your stuff, like stuff from kindergarten is just gone?

1:25:31🔗 Andy Dick Lost everything.

1:25:32🔗 Andy Dick Sorry, baby.

1:25:35🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

1:25:37🔗 Andy Dick I'm going to cry now.

1:25:38🔗 Andy Dick No, it's okay.

1:25:39🔗 Drew Well, ask your question. Before you start breaking down, let's get an upbeat going here.

1:25:44🔗 Andy Dick My boyfriend kind of I hate him already.

1:25:48🔗 Andy Dick I hate him already.

1:25:50🔗 Andy Dick I love you, Andy.

1:25:53🔗 Drew I love you.

1:25:54🔗 Andy Dick I love you. My boyfriend. Well, first of all, I was masturbating with like a showerhead, which is like all good and everything. But my boyfriend had an ex-girlfriend who would masturbate with an electric toothbrush. And she said that it felt really good and it really like helped her out and everything. So he wanted to use one on me and he did.

1:26:16🔗 Caller And it does feel good.

1:26:18🔗 Andy Dick But I'm worried that it does something to like me, like inside.

1:26:23🔗 Drew What's he doing with the hang on here?

1:26:25🔗 Andy Dick Are you worried about the bristles not being so powerful for your teeth the next morning? No, I'm just kidding. When you use the shower head, are you talking about you turn the water on?

1:26:40🔗 Drew Or you just use the water?

1:26:45🔗 Andy Dick One of my exes would just prop herself up by the spigot of the bathtub.

1:26:52🔗 Drew That's a common thing.

1:26:53🔗 Andy Dick I walked in on her, just like up on that thing. Water is a good... You know what?

1:26:59🔗 Andy Dick It's awesome.

1:27:00🔗 Andy Dick It's like, you don't need our penises. You just need water, a steady stream of hot water. The girls will love it.

1:27:11🔗 Drew So, Adrienne, explain to us how the toothbrush works. You're using the bristle end. What the heck's going on here?

1:27:17🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, the bristle end. Like, you know, the one end is like to turn in one end, and the other end, like, spins.

1:27:22🔗 Drew And you're using the spinning end on your catorus?

1:27:25🔗 Andy Dick Uh, no. Inside.

1:27:27🔗 Andy Dick I have an idea. I just made... I have an idea.

1:27:30🔗 Drew I'm really confused.

1:27:31🔗 Andy Dick Take the, um...

1:27:33🔗 Andy Dick Okay, you know where you would insert a penis? That's right.

1:27:35🔗 Andy Dick Wait, I have an idea.

1:27:36🔗 Drew Yes, I know where you insert a penis.

1:27:39🔗 Andy Dick What? I have an idea. You're talking about the toothbrush. Yeah. Take the toothbrush, leave the toothbrush, the electric toothbrush, leave it on, and take a, like, a bratwurst, and just shove it on the toothbrush, and then turn it on. Would that work?

1:27:56🔗 Drew So it spins?

1:27:57🔗 Andy Dick So it spins, and then you get that Italian spice going.

1:28:01🔗 Drew But where are you putting the brushes?

1:28:06🔗 Andy Dick In the hole.

1:28:07🔗 Drew But where do they push up? Do they push up against, like, a G-spot area? What do they, I mean, I understand.

1:28:13🔗 Andy Dick I don't know. You know how I normally use a dildo? Well, that's how he uses the toothbrush on me.

1:28:19🔗 Drew Well, people normally use a dildo on the outside.

1:28:21🔗 Andy Dick Yeah, on the clit.

1:28:24🔗 Andy Dick My boyfriend's weird, because he doesn't do that.

1:28:27🔗 Andy Dick Well, just think of it this way. You won't have any vagina plaque.

1:28:33🔗 Andy Dick Okay.

1:28:34🔗 Andy Dick You won't have any vagina plaque.

1:28:37🔗 Andy Dick It's just really gross. It turns him on, like, even when, like, when we're done and stuff, he likes to put it in his mouth and just, like, What? I don't know. It freaks me out. So that's why I'm kind of iffy about the whole thing.

1:28:51🔗 Drew Well, he doesn't even know what he's doing.

1:28:52🔗 Andy Dick He's just, like, freaky.

1:28:54🔗 Drew I like him. Yeah.

1:28:55🔗 Andy Dick It sounds cool.

1:28:55🔗 Drew When you like all the naughty, naughty stuff.

1:28:57🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

1:28:58🔗 Drew You have him have sex with Andy. He'll straighten it right out. But here's the deal. The toothbrush, the stimulating, vibrating action is supposed to be like the torus, not the inside of the vagina.

1:29:08🔗 Andy Dick Okay. Yeah. So he shouldn't be putting it inside.

1:29:11🔗 Drew Right. That's not going to do anything for you.

1:29:13🔗 Andy Dick Okay.

1:29:14🔗 Drew It's maybe doing something for him. Yeah. Well, what do you mean? You thought you're the one it's being done on. Why don't you tell him what you like?

1:29:20🔗 Andy Dick Because that's what he likes.

1:29:22🔗 Drew Yeah. I understand that's what he likes, but you're the one that is the one that is supposed to be receiving the benefits of all this. Ladies, please just speak up to these jack-off men. Please. Men aren't that way, are they?

1:29:33🔗 Andy Dick Well, the thing is, is that she's probably getting off on how he's getting off. And that's a big part of sex.

1:29:41🔗 Drew Is that true?

1:29:43🔗 Andy Dick She just said, yeah.

1:29:44🔗 Andy Dick It turns me on in a way, yeah.

1:29:46🔗 Drew In a way.

1:29:47🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

1:29:47🔗 Andy Dick I know that. Most of my relationships are based on that.

1:29:51🔗 Drew Like getting off the other person.

1:29:52🔗 Andy Dick Yeah. Well, the other person's getting off on how much I'm getting off.

1:29:55🔗 Andy Dick Exactly. Like, I could just like lay there naked and him just like watching me naked on the bed turns him on, which makes me want to like masturbate, you know?

1:30:05🔗 Drew Yeah, he's 19.

1:30:06🔗 Andy Dick I'm getting a little tingle in my electric toothbrush right now.

1:30:09🔗 Drew You said it makes you want to masturbate? Is that what you said?

1:30:13🔗 Andy Dick Yeah.

1:30:14🔗 Andy Dick All right.

1:30:15🔗 Drew There you go.

1:30:15🔗 Andy Dick All right.

1:30:15🔗 Drew Well, good times. Man, we helped a lot of people in there. Did we? We really did. I want to thank you for coming. Will you come back again soon?

1:30:24🔗 Andy Dick Anytime you want. So it's your show now.

1:30:26🔗 Drew For the time being.

1:30:27🔗 Andy Dick You just have constant guests.

1:30:28🔗 Drew For the time being, it's-

1:30:29🔗 Andy Dick Do you have a new guest every day? Yeah.

1:30:31🔗 Drew It's me and the callers, really.

1:30:32🔗 Andy Dick Do you have Serge from System of a Downcoming?

1:30:34🔗 Drew We probably will.

1:30:35🔗 Andy Dick Probably will. He's a good guy.

1:30:36🔗 Drew He's a very good guy. John-

1:30:37🔗 Andy Dick I befriended him recently.

1:30:39🔗 Drew It's a nice- Uh-oh.

1:30:40🔗 Andy Dick Oh no. In a good- No. I'm just saying- Not in a gay way.

1:30:44🔗 Drew I don't like that word.

1:30:46🔗 Andy Dick Gay?

1:30:47🔗 Drew Is that what you said?

1:30:49🔗 Andy Dick Did I?

1:30:49🔗 Andy Dick Yes.

1:30:50🔗 Andy Dick Well, I don't like to be labeled gay.

1:30:52🔗 Drew I see.

1:30:52🔗 Andy Dick I'm not gay.

1:30:53🔗 Drew You're a man who has sex with a man.

1:30:54🔗 Andy Dick Whatever.

1:30:55🔗 Drew How dare I make that misconception. I'm just- I'm really- I'm very- I'm just adult. Anyway, we're going to take a little break.

1:31:01🔗 Andy Dick We are?

1:31:01🔗 Drew We'll take a little break.

1:31:02🔗 Andy Dick Then we're going to say bye.

1:31:03🔗 Drew Then we're going to say bye. Be right back.

1:31:05🔗 Andy Dick Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

1:31:16🔗 Drew That about does it for Loveline, Andy Dick, a amazing performance as always. And I learned a good deal tonight. I really did, not just about you, but some things were clarified. In domains that I don't normally go, and that's always what's interesting about this show. So, well, thank you.

1:31:31🔗 Andy Dick We'll see each other at the Acoustic Christmas.

1:31:33🔗 Drew We will, and I'll have you back up here soon enough. And until that time, this is Dr. Drew on behalf of Andy Dick saying mahalo.

1:31:41🔗 This has been Loveline. Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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