Wednesday, November 23, 2005

0:13🔗 Voiceover 1-800-LOVE-191 Love Line starts now.

0:19🔗 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Dr. Drew, and happy Thanksgiving tonight. Just me and you guys listening, hanging out. That would be kind of fun just to see where we go on this, yeah, happy turkey day. Make sure you make your fresh cranberry sauce this year. And this year feels, at least in this part of the country, sort of especially calm and nice. I was out a lot driving today. People, freeways loaded, packed, but everybody's sort of going home. It seemed like home is where everyone's going and everyone belongs. And so in keeping with that and that spirit, just kind of hang out tonight, see what you guys want to talk about, and say again, a nice, happy Thanksgiving. I was thinking about trying to get some listeners in here. It's something I really want to do is have listener loveline and no Anderson. You know, no Anderson, don't you think that would be a good idea? Anderson?

1:08🔗 It depends on which listeners.

1:10🔗 Drew No, listen, of course it does. But our listeners ought to have an opportunity to come out. We've done it over the years here and there. And it always is a good thing. We stopped doing it when about 10 years ago, Adam offended a couple of listeners. And that was the end of that. But I still have to bring in.

1:26🔗 It's kind of weird, though, because the listeners are on every night.

1:29🔗 Drew No, I know. But let them sit in the seat of co-hosts and sort of give advice and get the feeling of what that is. And I think it's a nice thing for them. I don't want to cause a riot tonight, so I don't want people hanging out the gate here at KROC.

1:40🔗 Well, the calls are already coming in.

1:42🔗 Voiceover I know. Well, what are you going to do? You never know what might happen tonight. So keep listening and keep calling. The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. We're going to hang out for Thanksgiving. This is Stephanie 18.

1:54🔗 Hi.

1:55🔗 Drew Hey Stephanie, what's up?

1:57🔗 I've been having an affair for like two and a half months with a married man with four kids.

2:02🔗 Drew Beautiful.

2:03🔗 And his wife is a female escort.

2:08🔗 Drew Now, hold on a second. She continues to work as an escort in spite of having four kids?

2:13🔗 She wants to quit. And she hired me as a nanny. I could live in her house as long as I take care of her kids.

2:19🔗 Drew I need a ton of information here. Did you know she was an escort when they hired you?

2:23🔗 No, I didn't.

2:24🔗 Drew How far in before they let you know about that?

2:25🔗 About two and a half weeks.

2:27🔗 Drew All of a sudden, what did you think?

2:29🔗 I was like, he didn't like it and I was kind of uncomfortable knowing it, even though she is like one of my good friends.

2:36🔗 Drew And she was your friend and you didn't? This is getting weirder by the minute. She was your good friend and you didn't know she was an escort? You thought she was just a mom with four kids?

2:45🔗 Yeah, that's all I knew.

2:47🔗 Drew Is she the main breadwinner in the family?

2:50🔗 Yeah, she supports the whole family by doing what she does.

2:53🔗 Drew Wow, what does the husband do?

2:55🔗 He's an at-home dad basically and he has fainting spells. And that's why she wanted me to come into the house so while she's gone for two weeks at a time that I'm there if he passes out and I can watch her kids.

3:11🔗 Drew What happens when he passes out? Is he drinking or using drugs or something?

3:14🔗 Oh no, he just passes out just randomly. He has headaches. He has gone to the doctor and the doctor hasn't found out what's wrong with him.

3:21🔗 Drew Whoa, Stephanie, that's not possible. Yeah, I just want you to know that somebody who's actually falling down unconscious would be put in the hospital until a cause is discovered.

3:34🔗 He has been several times but they can't find anything on the scans that they...

3:39🔗 Drew I see, and he doesn't have a cardiac problem, a heart problem?

3:42🔗 I'm not sure he might because he is a little bit overweight.

3:46🔗 Drew Does he have psychiatric problems?

3:49🔗 Not that I know of.

3:50🔗 Drew Well, it's all very suspicious. He's married to an escort, he passes out spontaneously, he complains of headaches. My prediction, he's doing opiates, he's taking pain pills. That's my bet.

4:02🔗 Yeah.

4:03🔗 Drew Is that the case? Do you know that's the case?

4:04🔗 I'm not sure, Mike. I've been living there for two months and I mean, I have been sleeping with him and the thing is...

4:12🔗 Drew Does he have trouble having an orgasm?

4:14🔗 Oh no, I don't have any trouble with that.

4:16🔗 Drew No, he, he.

4:17🔗 Oh no, he doesn't have any trouble.

4:20🔗 Drew He's looking for evidence that he's doing drugs. All right, well this is just a beautiful situation. I mean, just average, it's Happy Thanksgiving by the way. So what's the plan, what's the question?

4:32🔗 See, I've been, he's been telling me that he loves me and that he actually wants to be with me and leave his wife. And I have a little bit of a problem with that because he has been married since he was like 18 years old and he's 26 now. I'm 18 and he's telling me that he wants to leave his wife for me and that he wants to be with me.

4:53🔗 Drew Are those his four kids?

4:54🔗 Yes, all four of them are his.

4:56🔗 Drew Stephanie, my advice to you, get out of there. Get the hell out of there. Get out of Dodge. This is a horribly sick situation. Let them handle their stuff. Do not let you be a part or catalyst or a focus of their pathologies. Get out of there. You're making a huge mistake. You're already in very, very far. It's a dangerous situation. I mean, people hurt each other over things like this is really, and you're destroying potentially the lives of these children, who God knows must already be clinging to happiness with their teeth, with parents like that. I don't know. What do you want to do?

5:35🔗 I don't know because I have developed feelings for him too.

5:38🔗 Drew Well, I understand that because you're sleeping and you're 18, and of course, I mean, you get close to somebody, but you see how sick the situation is, right?

5:45🔗 Yeah, I do.

5:46🔗 Drew All right. Let's just kind of wrap it up, and magically you have another job, and the job's out of that city, and take care of yourselves. You're 18. We can excuse you for getting into a situation like that because you sort of didn't know any better, and these people, God knows, are probably like tractor beams pulling you into these awful situation. But let that family stay together. Don't let you be the source of further instability, and don't for a second think you're going to save this guy or those kids. Kelly, 24.

6:14🔗 Caller Hi.

6:15🔗 Drew Kelly?

6:15🔗 Caller Thank you for taking my call. I am wondering if I have basically paranoia from previous years of drug use, and it's affecting a lot, and I don't really want to seek professional help.

6:27🔗 Drew Why not?

6:29🔗 Caller I'm busy. I don't have a lot of time for it. I don't know if it's covered, and I'm just wondering if there's anything else I can do, like something, I don't know, behavioral or anything else.

6:40🔗 Drew No, you have an injury to your brain, and that's causing these disturbances of thought, where you believe people are thinking about you're following you, whatever, projecting thoughts into you, these sorts of things. That's a very, very powerful biological problem, and you need to take something to counteract that. Now, if there was something, I mean, it doesn't make sense that there would be something just available at the grocery store for that, right? It's a medical problem. You have to fight it with powerful medicines, and there are.

7:07🔗 Caller I don't want to be on a drug for the rest of my life. I'm over that.

7:11🔗 Drew A medication. You've injured your brain. You now have a medical problem. You have to correct that. You have to live with that now. But tell me about your paranoia. What are they about?

7:22🔗 Caller Kind of people. I don't want to say following because it's not like that.

7:28🔗 Drew Or thinking about you or looking at you, that sort of thing?

7:31🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Something like that.

7:35🔗 Drew What was your drug of choice?

7:37🔗 Caller Just psychedelics pretty much. Maybe a little bit of crystal.

7:42🔗 Drew Because that's a pretty hefty combination, crystal, and how much were you doing LSD?

7:48🔗 Caller A little bit, yeah.

7:49🔗 Drew How many head switch? Well, what psychedelics did you do and how often? How many times?

7:52🔗 Caller LSD, MDMA, and probably mushrooms. And for a few years, maybe, not regularly, but maybe a few times a week.

8:02🔗 Marijuana is the flame.

8:03🔗 Caller Heroin is the fuse.

8:04🔗 Drew LSD is the bomb. Please don't let me sound like him ever. Dear God, please no. Kelly, look, if you want to live with the paranoia, fine. They can get a lot worse. You're also at risk for depressions. If you start having trouble functioning or you start believing people are beaming thoughts into you or the TV speaking directly to you or you start developing elaborate stories about people coming to get you, a single visit to a doctor for $65 will take care of this or to mental health services for essentially nothing. It's a very simple matter these days. You spend years damaging yourself and you won't spend an hour helping yourself. Think about that. Think how crazy that thinking is.

8:42🔗 Caller In an hour, there's something that can be done?

8:43🔗 Drew In less than an hour.

8:44🔗 Caller It's not necessarily ongoing.

8:48🔗 Drew Oh, no. You have to be taking a treatment. You've hurt yourself. Just like if you broke your leg and you said, No, no, no. I don't want to do anything for that. Just don't bother setting the leg. No, no, no, no. I don't want to take the time to do that. Come on. It's bad thinking, Kelly. But do what you got to do. Just know that there's help out there. At least just know that. It's very easy to explain why you're feeling the things you're feeling. The biology is well known. Let's go ahead and take care of it. Why not? This is Angela, 29. Hey, good. Happy Thanksgiving.

9:18🔗 Oh, you too. My question is not so serious. My question is, me and my husband, well, we just have been married since September, but we've been dating three years before that. Our sex lives have always been great, but I have orgasms with him, but not as often as he thinks. I do fake it a lot.

9:37🔗 Drew What do you mean that's not serious? You're not a man. I can tell that. It bothers you. Wait till he finds out about it.

9:45🔗 I know. That's my dilemma, because we are really close, and our sex life is great.

9:50🔗 Drew Well, now let's sort of deconstruct that comment. How often do you guys have sex?

9:55🔗 Oh, goodness. Not just possible. The only problem is that our work schedule, I work-

9:59🔗 Drew How much?

10:00🔗 I work three to 11, four days a week.

10:03🔗 Drew How much?

10:03🔗 Probably about four times a week.

10:06🔗 Drew Okay. And how often-

10:07🔗 We would more if we could.

10:08🔗 Drew I get it. I get that. And how often are you actually having climax?

10:12🔗 Maybe once a week.

10:14🔗 Drew Once out of the four times?

10:15🔗 Right.

10:15🔗 Drew And what's the problem?

10:17🔗 I think the problem is that I'm noticed more is sometimes when he doesn't move the right way, the way that's going to make me climax, I'll try to put my hand down there or I'll try to tell him how to do it, and he doesn't like that.

10:31🔗 Drew Oh, now that's, that's, okay.

10:33🔗 And that pisses me off a lot of the time.

10:35🔗 Drew Yeah, I bet it would. You know, there's one thing about relationships and people do relationship treatments, the one sort of rule of thumb I've heard a lot of relationship therapists sort of require is to play fair. You know what I mean? Not to sort of go, hey, you can't do that. Let's look, it's give and take, just play fair. I need something, you just gotta listen to it, relax. It's not that you're a bad person or a bad lover, just listen. Now, what you might do, can you orgasm with oral sex?

11:02🔗 It's hard for me too, but I can.

11:04🔗 Drew Okay, so you're mostly orgasm with intercourse.

11:06🔗 Right, with him, I mean, of course he has to be, you know, touching me there, but...

11:10🔗 Drew How about bringing in some mechanical help in, technology?

11:15🔗 Yeah, yeah, that helps.

11:17🔗 Drew Well, why don't you bring that in a playful way and sort of say maybe this would, you know, then sort of teach him to use that. So it's not about his technique, it's a new thing.

11:25🔗 Right, because that's the problem is he's good as in, he always, you know, he doesn't know that I don't climax some of the times, but he always does me first, he always does me first, always me first.

11:39🔗 Drew Yeah, that's good.

11:41🔗 But that's what I'm saying, that's a good part of it, that I hate to even, when I try to say something about it, he just gets upset because he thinks he's not doing it right and I try to tell him it's not that.

11:51🔗 Drew Here's what he's not doing right, he's not listening to you, he's not responding and tuning in to what you need, and you might want to tell him that at a time when things are, when you're having an open discussion and not in the heat of battle.

12:01🔗 Caller Right.

12:02🔗 Drew Because in that moment people feel very vulnerable and it's tough. Again, unless you bring something in a playful way, it's going to feel, and by the way, already you're frustrated and kind of resentful by the time you're going, hey, no, no, come on, don't do that.

12:12🔗 Caller Right.

12:12🔗 Drew And that's what he's responding to more than anything. If you don't tell him there's a problem, he's never going to know it, and you're going to be faking all the time, and then you're really going to get resentful, and then you're going to have a problem in this relationship. So I suggest you bring it up in any way you possibly can. I think the idea of technology is best first bet. Nikki, 30.

12:30🔗 Hi.

12:30🔗 Drew Hey, what's up?

12:31🔗 How are you?

12:32🔗 Drew I'm good. Happy Thanksgiving.

12:33🔗 Happy Thanksgiving to you. I got a question about, I'm supposed to have Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow with the family.

12:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

12:44🔗 Yay, yay.

12:45🔗 Drew Yeah, good. That's like, that's a good thing.

12:49🔗 My brother, when we were little, had molested me. And...

12:56🔗 Drew How old were you?

12:57🔗 I'm 30 now.

12:58🔗 Drew How old were you when that happened?

13:01🔗 Probably between the ages of 10 to 14.

13:05🔗 Drew Something happened regularly?

13:06🔗 Yeah.

13:07🔗 Drew Wow. How old was he at the time?

13:10🔗 He's a couple years older.

13:12🔗 Drew Awful.

13:13🔗 Yeah.

13:13🔗 Drew Have you told anybody?

13:15🔗 I talked to my mom about it when I was older, like 18 to 20.

13:21🔗 Drew Yeah.

13:22🔗 And she was kind of... She kind of just went around the ways of, oh, that's normal. It happens between brothers and sisters.

13:32🔗 Drew Oh my God. Oh my God. That must have happened to her.

13:34🔗 I was pretty upset about that.

13:36🔗 Drew That must have happened to your mom, Nikki. I mean, that's what's weird.

13:38🔗 That's kind of what she said, too. It happened to me.

13:41🔗 Drew Oh my God. Oh, I'm so sorry. What did your brother do to you, exactly?

13:48🔗 Well, I mean, fondling kind of thing. And as a matter of fact, I mean, I remember all of it.

13:55🔗 Drew Was there an actual sort of sexual component, intercourse?

13:58🔗 No, as a matter of fact, he had asked for that.

14:02🔗 Drew Did he make you touch his genitalia?

14:04🔗 Yeah. And that's part of what I feel bad about now, because he asked for that, for intercourse. And I would not let it go that far. I don't know.

14:16🔗 Drew That's the last vestige of health that he left you with, is the ability to set boundaries.

14:20🔗 Well, I would not let it go that far.

14:22🔗 And to this day, I kind of, you know, I kind of feel almost responsible, because I feel like if I could stop that, why couldn't I stop it before?

14:31🔗 Drew You were 10.

14:32🔗 I know.

14:33🔗 Drew Well, and once that gets going, it's a hard thing to stop those boundaries get sort of knocked down and you don't know how to get out. You're swimming in that stuff. That's awful. And God knows something happened to him. And so he was responding to some sort of awful trauma himself. So have you been able to have relationships since then?

14:47🔗 I'm married with three children and very happy.

14:50🔗 Drew And things are good. Things are stable.

14:51🔗 Things are wonderful.

14:52🔗 Drew Great. Oh, my God. All right. What do you want to do?

14:55🔗 Well, we have Thanksgiving dinner coming up.

14:57🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm sure.

14:58🔗 And, you know, and now it's, you know, he's married and has a son. And it ticks me off to no end. That what? That he is so happy and so with it. You know, and he's so condescending to me.

15:15🔗 Drew About what?

15:16🔗 About just, you know, that he doesn't think that I'm doing as well in life as he is.

15:22🔗 Drew How would you feel about pulling him aside and going, look, I remember everything that happened here. So cut it out.

15:29🔗 You know, I would probably feel really good about it if it weren't for the fact that I would feel like it would hurt the rest of the family.

15:35🔗 Drew Well, not only that, I can pretty much guarantee it won't be very satisfying. By the way, you don't have to make a public thing of it, just putting him on notice that, hey, you don't like how I'm doing? Listen, I know what you're all about. I remember everything.

15:46🔗 Well, and the other thing is that he's, you know, it's like in the past few years, he's become like the wonderful martyr of the family because our grandparents have, you know, declined in health and we moved them from a couple of states away and he helped them to buy a house right next door to them and he's taking care of them.

16:08🔗 Drew All right, the deal, though, is...

16:09🔗 And he's given me all kinds of grace because I don't get over there as much as he does.

16:14🔗 Drew All right, so fine, let him be the martyr. Nicky, you have a couple of choices here.

16:17🔗 He's given me grace now that I'm not as wonderful of a grand father he is and I'm just like...

16:23🔗 Drew All right, okay, relax. You can pull... Yeah, okay, your reactions are perfectly healthy, perfectly fine. You can pull him aside and tell him to knock it off and to remind him that if you're having difficulty he had something to do with it and he's not the great martyr that everyone thinks he is because you know what he's really all about. And if he's making penance for that, fantastic, but cut it out. A, B, avoid him, which is really what I think you ought to do.

16:48🔗 What I've done all these years.

16:49🔗 Drew Okay, avoid him, keep your kids away from him. Watch out for your nephew, make sure he's okay. And stay away. The problem is if you try to make any sort of issue of this, you have a family system that's not going to defend you, not going to respond to you. Your mom has already shown herself to be this way. She has made your problem something that's normal and it's something that's severely abnormal and pathological. What you may want to do is take a step back from this family, realizes a lot of dysfunction and pathology there, focus on your little family, make that as happy as possible, make your relationship as happy as possible, be grateful that you have that, your brother didn't destroy yourself, didn't destroy you psychologically or neurobiologically, that you're intact and just be happy with that and let your family of origin spin out the way they're going to and don't let it get under your skin, which is hard. It's hard to do that. This is Cara who's 18.

17:41🔗 Caller Hi.

17:42🔗 Drew Hey, what's up?

17:44🔗 Caller I gave blood a while back and I got a letter saying that I had hepatitis B. I don't think I do.

17:55🔗 Drew Well, then go to your doctor.

17:57🔗 Caller I went and got everything checked out. It doesn't come back until like a week.

18:07🔗 Drew All right. Well, there's a series of tests. There are screening tests and there are more accurate ways to test for it. So, you need to go back and have confirmatory tests done. And have you ever done IV drugs?

18:16🔗 Caller No.

18:17🔗 Drew Was your mom ever an IV drug addict?

18:19🔗 Caller No.

18:19🔗 Drew Have you ever been with a gay male?

18:21🔗 Caller No.

18:22🔗 Drew Have you done anything sort of risk for HIV or anything like that?

18:25🔗 Caller No.

18:26🔗 Drew Okay. So, there's something called vertical transmission of hepatitis B where you can get it from your mom. But other than that, you're going to get it from other people. And there are sometimes people that get it. We don't know why or where it came from. But that's pretty rare. So I think you can pretty much rest assured it's going to come back negative. Let's see. This is Catherine 24.

18:46🔗 Hi.

18:47🔗 Drew Hey, what's happening? Happy Thanksgiving.

18:49🔗 Happy Thanksgiving to you too.

18:52🔗 Drew Let's talk abortion.

18:54🔗 Yeah.

18:54🔗 Caller Yay.

18:56🔗 Okay. So I had an abortion about a year ago and it was incomplete and they didn't really figure out it was incomplete for about two months after the abortion. So I was in and out of hospitals and constantly just really bad stuff kind of going on there.

19:10🔗 Drew Pelvic pain and bleeding, that sort of thing?

19:12🔗 Yeah. Just like mad gushing. When I was in the hospital, people actually thought I got shot because it was in 2010.

19:17🔗 Drew Nice. Well done.

19:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

19:22🔗 Drew Mad gushing. Well done, Catherine. Mad gushing. It's a beautiful thing.

19:26🔗 Yeah. So besides being physically traumatic, I mean, it was also very emotional. But since then, having sex is really painful upon the first couple of seconds, like entry kind of deal. I don't know. Yeah.

19:42🔗 Drew Are you nervous now when you have sex? You're very anxious?

19:46🔗 Caller Like not so much.

19:47🔗 I guess I played it off for the first few months after or whatnot. Now I'm very relaxed and I'm not even really thinking about it very much anymore, but it's still just excruciating at times, like almost like tears to my eyes.

20:00🔗 Drew Wow.

20:01🔗 Yeah. So like I'm kind of wondering, do you think it could be just so emotional? Is there like possibility that there's like bad scar tissue or?

20:09🔗 Drew Well, if it were with deep penetration, that would make perfect sense that there's still inflammation or scarring, but you're saying it's really at the vulva, it's at the opening of the vagina, right?

20:21🔗 Well, it's just the first time, like it hurts all over, like the first couple of times, and then it seems to like kind of go, so no, not for bombing, it's like the first like, you know, like 30 second, like minute or so.

20:31🔗 Drew Have you had a pelvic exams? Have you had a pelvic exam since this has begun, since all this started?

20:36🔗 Yeah, and they say it's okay and everything's fine. Like, but okay, this is kind of a real quick side question. Is an incomplete abortion that difficult to discover after two months of contemplating?

20:49🔗 Drew Not usually. In cabs, they're called incomplete abortions. Usually you can either see evidence of it just on a pelvic exam or certainly with an ultrasound. Did you have an ultrasound?

20:58🔗 Caller I had many, yeah.

21:00🔗 Drew Yeah, so.

21:00🔗 Okay, because that's what I'm curious about. So I'm thinking maybe if my doctor is just not.

21:05🔗 Drew Well, I'm surprised they didn't do a DNC right away when you started having severe bleeding. Just as a precautionary measure almost.

21:13🔗 Oh yeah, I did actually have one of those and it kept coming up negative that there was nothing going on.

21:18🔗 Drew A DNC? So how did they finally treat it?

21:24🔗 It was finally, they went in and there was like a little pulpish kind of thing and they just wasn't quite sure what it was. They finally removed it and then when they like examined it after it was like removed from me, then they figured out yeah that's what it was.

21:37🔗 Drew But how did they get it out? How did they get it?

21:41🔗 Another DNC thing.

21:42🔗 Drew So they just did another DNC?

21:44🔗 Yeah, yeah. It was like they just I guess kept pulling out the wrong thing.

21:49🔗 Drew That was the case in point of is that things don't go always as planned in medicine. You know what I'm saying? That there's a bit of biological systems and bad things happen sometimes in certain situations. And things when there's surgical procedures, they don't always go as planned and things can happen. And even the follow up procedures can be sort of, for whatever reason, things can be bad, bad outcomes. It's not that there are things were done wrong. It's just it was a bad outcome. And that's tough. I don't know. I imagine that whatever the painful sex is, it's something to do with what's still going on inside. And I would go back and back and back until that's adequately explained. Maybe you need a prolonged course of antibiotics or maybe some anti-inflammatories or something to get this kind of settled down. Because if there's active infection or inflammation up there, it may have an impact on fertility. So I strongly encourage you to go back until this is explained or at least taken care of, controlled. All right, it's Loveline. The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. It's Thanksgiving. I'm Dr. Drew. We're just kind of hanging out, talking about abortions and abuse. Good old Loveline Fair. So I appreciate you guys calling in tonight. I look forward to more calls. Again, don't forget that number 1-800-LOVE-191. Hey there, it's Loveline 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm Dr. Drew and it's just me and you guys hanging out here for Thanksgiving. Couldn't drag anybody else up here on a Thanksgiving night. This is Tim 19. Tim, what's up buddy?

23:14🔗 How's it going man?

23:16🔗 Drew It's going pretty good.

23:19🔗 Happy Thanksgiving man.

23:20🔗 Drew Thank you to you.

23:22🔗 So you're probably wondering what my question is, right?

23:25🔗 Drew That would be good. That's usually what I wonder about when I pick up a phone call.

23:27🔗 Just do it! Well, I don't have a question.

23:31🔗 Drew Really?

23:32🔗 I don't have one.

23:33🔗 Drew What made you call in then?

23:35🔗 I wanted to be on Listener Loveline.

23:37🔗 Drew Oh, that's good. Well, I want people to be on Listener Loveline, but I don't know if I can make that happen tonight. But now that you bring it up, now that you bring it up, where's engineer Lauren? Lauren, if you're listening to me, if you hear me, come on in here and tell me what the possibility is of bringing a couple of people in here tonight, if they should happen to show up.

23:54🔗 Caller You know who this should really piss off? Are those two guys that just paid 15 grand to be on?

23:58🔗 Drew Yeah, I know.

23:58🔗 Caller Also, the guy that's dying, that was his dying wish to be on Loveline.

24:02🔗 Drew What?

24:03🔗 Caller Remember the Make-A-Wish?

24:04🔗 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

24:05🔗 Caller Those are the three that should be pissed off.

24:07🔗 Drew Yeah, but doesn't mean we can't spread it around a little bit. You know what I mean?

24:09🔗 Caller But I think it's kind of funny when I think about that.

24:13🔗 Drew You have a strange sense of humor. Happy Thanksgiving, Anderson. Zoe, what's going on? 21. Zoe?

24:18🔗 Caller Oh, hey.

24:19🔗 Drew Hey, what's up?

24:20🔗 Caller I am calling because today I got a call from Planned Parenthood to let me know that my smear test is for HPV.

24:28🔗 Drew Yeah.

24:29🔗 Caller Now I know I have an increased risk of cervical cancer.

24:31🔗 Drew Good times.

24:33🔗 Caller Yeah. Very good times.

24:34🔗 Drew Hang on, Zoe. Hang on a second. What would happen? Hang on a second. Engineer, I mean, it's engineer.

24:39🔗 Oh my God.

24:40🔗 Drew Yes. Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior producer Lauren has stepped in the studio. What would happen if we got a couple of people off the gate to come in and just be listening to Lovelines as a gift to the listeners for Thanksgiving?

24:54🔗 Tonight?

24:54🔗 Drew Just saying.

24:56🔗 Maybe for a segment.

24:58🔗 Drew You'd do that?

24:59🔗 I would.

25:00🔗 Drew Okay. So Lauren will be watching the back gate. I'm not going to say where we are if people know where we are. You can pick up people to come in maybe in the last, in about an hour from now.

25:08🔗 Maybe.

25:10🔗 Drew Good.

25:10🔗 That sounds good.

25:11🔗 Drew Outstanding. Alright Lauren, it's all up to you then. Happy Thanksgiving listeners. This will be fun. I love this. I love this. Alright Zoe, what's going on? So you have HPV and?

25:19🔗 Caller Yeah. And I used the NuvoRing for birth control. And I was wondering if that increases my chance even more. Or should I be using a different kind of?

25:27🔗 Drew No. No, absolutely not. Go ahead and use the NuvoRing. But get regular pap smears and colposcopies and do the cryotherapy and whatever they need to do to control the little abnormal cells.

25:37🔗 Caller And then also I've never had unprotected sex with anyone but my husband. And he's had sex but never unprotected with anyone but me. And so I'm at a loss to know how I contracted it.

25:48🔗 Drew Well HPV, one of the things about condoms, that's one of the things it's not perfectly effective against prevention, against the transmission. That it's a virus and it can get in around the base of the condom or vice versa. The base of the penis can get exposed to the vulva, the vagina, and that virus can get out. The good news about HPV is that the cancer causing subtypes of HPV are going to be preventable soon with a vaccine that looks- I know it doesn't.

26:17🔗 Caller I know.

26:18🔗 Drew But as you know, I hope you know that it's a nuisance but it's quite a manageable issue. Right?

26:24🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah. It was just a shock. I got the call from Planned Parenthood today and so I'm still reeling from it. And I guess swinging is out of the question now.

26:33🔗 Drew What is?

26:34🔗 Caller Swinging.

26:35🔗 Drew Clinging?

26:37🔗 Caller But swinging? Other partners?

26:40🔗 Drew Is that something you were going to go do?

26:41🔗 Caller Well, we're already- I mean, we've done it and we're planning on- You know, it's not an all the time thing. It's every now and again.

26:49🔗 Drew Well, that's how you got HPV.

26:51🔗 Caller Probably.

26:52🔗 Drew Are you high? Of course, that's how you got it.

26:55🔗 Caller Of course, that's how you got it. Looking back, I'm like, well, yeah, I guess having sex with people that I just met that night, even with protection.

27:03🔗 Drew That may have something to do with, I guess. Let me use my powers of deduction. Perhaps that has a little something to do with it. Yeah, I'd say so. How long have you been married?

27:13🔗 Caller Since last December.

27:17🔗 Drew What do you do for a living?

27:18🔗 Caller I work in clinic management.

27:21🔗 Drew And what's your husband do?

27:23🔗 Caller He is actually a former military guy doing the GI bill thing right now.

27:27🔗 Just going to college.

27:28🔗 Drew Why did you guys get married so young?

27:31🔗 Caller Yeah.

27:32🔗 Drew Why?

27:33🔗 Caller Because I love him.

27:36🔗 Drew Yeah, well, if you love this swinging thing, this plan to be swingers, that's not going to work out so well in terms of the long term survival of this relationship. Not a great sign.

27:47🔗 Caller Well, I always think, like, it's about communication and trust, and we really have that going on strong, and it's where you have jealousy issues and communication is not so good. That's when it's not. That's a great thing.

28:01🔗 Caller It's, you know, we've...

28:02🔗 Drew Here's the reality. It's all the time. It's under all circumstances. It tends to be... Now, I'm not saying that it's impossible, but I've only talked to one or two people where it is... the relationships have survived that kind of thing. And even then, the only ones I've talked to that have survived it did it very occasionally. And I'm still having... I think people go into a state of denial where they prevent that they're not having feelings or they're acting out some... They're acting things out when they're doing it. And then they deny the feelings they have in response to it. And it comes out in other ways later that destabilizes the relationship. So if you actually love this guy, why don't you focus on the intimacy of that relationship? Now, I understand why at 21, you may not be so able to do that. I don't think you should have been married in the first place, but here you are. And so good luck. You still want to stay together. I, you know, HPV, that should be the... HPV is sort of the least you can expect from what you've been doing. I mean, that's a... Going to... Fait accompli in the swinging. That's gonna happen. Of course, that's gonna happen. All right. Hang on one second here. This is now Matt who's 20. Hey Matt, what's going on?

29:09🔗 Hey, what's up Dr. Drew? I'd like to thank you. I read your book, Cracked, and it saved my life. I have six and a half months clean. Congratulations. It's the longest amount of clean time that I've ever had.

29:23🔗 Drew Wow. And you feel a lot different, don't you?

29:26🔗 Oh yeah, I do. I've actually gained about 25 pounds in six and a half months.

29:31🔗 Drew Six months is when you really can start to sort of pull your head out of the mire and look around and go, Oh my God, what have I been doing? I'm starting to feel okay. Maybe life's worth living. Oh, wait a minute, I'm okay.

29:42🔗 Yeah.

29:43🔗 Drew At a year, you'll feel even better. I promise.

29:45🔗 Oh yeah, yeah. And my family, you know, I'm starting to get trust back and everything.

29:50🔗 Drew Oh, that's great.

29:51🔗 Yeah, so I've been going to meetings every night and I got a great sponsor.

29:56🔗 Drew Oh, Matt, that is the best Thanksgiving present I've had thus far. And I want to thank you for calling and telling me this.

30:03🔗 Thank you, Dr. Drew.

30:05🔗 Drew Keep coming back, right?

30:06🔗 Oh, yeah, all the time.

30:07🔗 Drew All right, buddy. Take care. All right, thanks. Bye. Let's go from that to Ryan, who's 19. Ryan?

30:13🔗 Hi there, Dr. Drew.

30:14🔗 Drew Hey, what's up, buddy?

30:16🔗 I just had a quick question. I've been listening for many years and I've heard of people being addicted to, I guess, opiates or whatever it is, the painkillers.

30:24🔗 Drew Yeah.

30:25🔗 And I'm having severe surgery, dental surgery coming up and to endure the pain now, they gave me some Vicodin. And I've taken it before, but I'm kind of worried about getting addicted to it somehow because I noticed some of the symptoms like when I'm not on it, I have like severe headaches or my body aches and then it goes all the way quickly when I take even just half a pill.

30:48🔗 Drew So there you go. So you're having withdrawal is what that is. Now, that having withdrawal...

30:52🔗 Well, I've only taken it for like two days though, and that's what kind of freaked me out.

30:55🔗 Drew That is a little weird, huh? Well, perhaps, let's make a guess that perhaps you're getting... Do you have an infection in your gums or in your teeth?

31:05🔗 Well, they are going to do a root canal. So they did give me penicillin too, but they said it's not too badly infected.

31:11🔗 Drew So one of the possibilities is that you're infected and having sort of systemic reaction to the infection that you don't feel when you're on the painkiller. You see what I'm saying?

31:21🔗 Yeah, well, I mean, for that, I didn't have these pains though.

31:26🔗 Drew I understand, but maybe it's somehow gotten worse. I'm just guessing here, the possibilities.

31:30🔗 Okay.

31:31🔗 Drew Maybe that's sort of what happened, and maybe you've gotten worse over these two days and just haven't felt yourself getting worse because you've been on painkillers. It's hard to imagine that you're having dependency issues and withdrawal after only 48 hours of use, unless you've been taking 30 pills a day, which I doubt you have.

31:47🔗 No, just maybe maximum three so far.

31:50🔗 Drew Do you have a history of addiction or alcoholism in your family or yourself?

31:53🔗 I do have alcoholism in my family. My dad, his dad, everybody, all drink. I don't drink personally, and I don't prefer to drink either. I just can't stand it.

32:04🔗 Drew Do you think you've got a tendency in that direction?

32:08🔗 I'm not actually sure. I don't think so. I can pretty much control myself, and I'm usually the designated driver or the responsible party when all my friends are drinking.

32:18🔗 Drew So let's assume you're not getting addicted. How long are you going to take these painkillers before this procedure?

32:24🔗 Well, my procedure is next Friday, and they gave me enough pills to last until then.

32:30🔗 Drew A week from this Friday?

32:32🔗 A week. So like next, not this Friday, but next Friday, the second, I think.

32:35🔗 Drew Why don't you try to use them like once a day or skip some days?

32:39🔗 And they told me to take it sparingly. I need it for pain after this week.

32:45🔗 Drew All right. Well, your concerns are appropriate. You're controlling it. You're observing things that may be a problem. Try to reduce it. You're on board. You're on top of this. Don't get too freaked out about it. Brandon, 13.

32:58🔗 Hello, Dr. Drew.

32:59🔗 Drew Hey, Brandon. What's up?

33:00🔗 Hi. I get really scared at night from like black holes swallowing me up. And I watch the Science Channel a lot. And I start hyperventilating, but it's only at night when I get this.

33:15🔗 Drew Did anything, and when you were littler, did anything else happen to you at night? Any scary things?

33:19🔗 I remember one specific time I was watching The Simpsons and yeah, and I started getting really scared and I was crying and I had no clue what to do. And it was freaking me out. And I always like know when I'm going through this, and I try and calm myself down, but it never works.

33:42🔗 Drew Well, these are called panic attacks. And they can sometimes be caused by medical problems like thyroid conditions and things like that. So it's important you go to a doctor and get looked at to make sure nothing else precipitating these things. Probably these are just pain or panic. It's just these are sort of waves of neurological reaction. They're almost like, think of them like seizures that sort of overcome your brain. They have a psychological basis to them and they can be sort of, you can learn how to manage them. And there's also medication sometimes that helps them. Have you been having a lot of stress in your life?

34:12🔗 Yes, a whole lot. As of recently, my dad who I'm living with and his ex-girlfriend, they like just split up and we're having to live with her until we can find a place.

34:25🔗 Drew All right. Brandy, you sound like a really smart guy.

34:30🔗 Caller I kind of think I am.

34:31🔗 Drew Yeah. Get to your doctor and talk about it. And there's a ton of things that can be done for this. Know that it's a normal reaction to stress. It's just sort of your... Think about it as you're actually falling into a black hole of anxiety, of nervousness. It's a fear reaction, but there's nothing to be afraid of. So your brain sort of makes things up to be afraid of. I'm afraid of black holes, I'm afraid of the boogeyman, whatever. Okay, this now is Brandon 24.

34:58🔗 Yeah, Dr. Drew, my question is in regards to the drug ketamine.

35:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

35:02🔗 And its long-term effects it can have on you.

35:05🔗 Drew Well, I'm not sure that's been well established. Have you looked it up on the web? You see what's out there on that? Are you there? Brandon? He doesn't seem to be there. All right, ketamine or special K is a dissociative anesthetic. They use it in tranquilizing animals. Sometimes they use it for tranquilizing adolescents. And it makes people, Brandon, are you there again? Okay, he's gone. And it makes people feel like they're sort of out of body. And there's debate about whether it causes damage and whether the side effects are short-term or long-term. I can tell you I've treated a number of people that did a fair amount of ketamine and they have personality changes. They have thinking difficulties. They have mood disturbances. And I have one very bright patient who took this for quite a while. And he insists that he's just not the same since he had taken it. He took it for probably a year, I bet. So it's a drug that does seem to have some significant damaging effects on the brain. You have to be very careful with it. Why shouldn't it? I mean, it's a very powerful drug. It makes you feel like you're out of body. Hey, Drew.

36:11🔗 Caller This is all you need to know. Steve-O has been known to cook it in his house.

36:15🔗 Drew Cook it? Well, that's all you need to know.

36:19🔗 Caller I got a friend who dated him and she went over and he was cooking it like three times in a row.

36:24🔗 Drew Ketamine? Yeah. That's cool. That's Steve-O. I know. Steve-O doesn't expect to live much longer. He literally thinks he's going to die. I don't know. Poor Steve-O. I feel bad for the guy. He's decided that he was in treatment for addiction at one time and decided that it's not for him, he's just going to go out and die. Most people, when they realize they're going to die, what they're doing, they're going to get ready to make some changes. This is Rizzo 26.

36:50🔗 Caller He's afraid of getting like fat and old like Olister.

36:52🔗 Drew That's what it is. Who knows what it is. Rizzo?

36:55🔗 Yes.

36:56🔗 Drew What's happening? Loveline, you're on the air.

36:59🔗 Am I on air, Dr. Drew?

37:00🔗 Drew Yes, sir, you are.

37:02🔗 Right on. Right on. Dr. Drew, my wife was recently diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. And I was hoping you were familiar with it. I mean, you're one of the few doctors that isn't vague. Or I can give you an explanation.

37:19🔗 Drew All right. Polycystic ovaries is a syndrome where obviously there are multiple cysts on the ovaries where the cycling that women go through tends not to be sort of ovulatory. It's difficult to produce eggs and to cycle normally. There's elevated levels of estrogen that don't cycle normally tends to be associated with weight excess and insulin resistance. The doctor may also give her something called glucophage. There's risks of insulin. That's what he prescribed?

37:47🔗 Yes.

37:48🔗 Drew And then to get her cycling, they usually use a birth control pill and then advise diet and exercise. That's sort of the standard kind of treatment for that.

37:56🔗 Which is highly sensitive to any form of birth control, general contraceptives. And she says she's had a history with those in the past.

38:07🔗 Drew Did he or she try to give her something?

38:09🔗 Yeah, you know, recently they tried something, I believe it was the patch, and she had some severe reaction to that. So naturally we stopped that right away.

38:19🔗 Drew How about the ring?

38:21🔗 The ring? That's something new.

38:23🔗 Drew The Nuva Ring. It's an intravaginal ring that you wear for a month basically or three weeks. And it's pretty high doses of estrogen and progesterone again, so she may have a reaction to it. And she doesn't have to take these things. Again, was she having symptoms?

38:37🔗 Yeah. Vastly irregular cycles as well as excessive weight gain or she considers it excessive. Of course, it's big for her because she's a small lady.

38:49🔗 Drew How about she get a dietician or get a trainer or something and really focus on the diet and exercise? The PCO is a perfect thing to at least try to manage with diet and exercise. And then the insulin-resistant issue until she does lose the weight, the glucophage is probably a good idea. I believe Harvard has a big study on this and there's tons of information on the web about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. There's a society, there's organizations. Go read up on it a little bit. You'll see there's a lot of information out there. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. You heard Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Producer, Lauren, give the heads up or give the thumbs up for a couple people coming in here in the second hour, the latter half of the second hour. Anderson's going to kill himself because of this, so we'll see.

39:28🔗 Caller No, I'm saying you're inviting guns into the studio.

39:31🔗 Drew Yeah, sure I am. Anderson, that's what I'm doing. That was my plan. It's a Thanksgiving.

39:35🔗 Caller Lauren's going to get busted for this, too. You know that.

39:38🔗 Drew You think?

39:39🔗 Caller Of course.

39:40🔗 Drew Oh, because you're not allowed to bring anybody in here.

39:42🔗 Caller It's cool, though. No one's listening and Ann's not listening.

39:45🔗 Drew Thanks, Anderson.

39:45🔗 Caller I mean, no one that matters is listening. Only our stone listeners.

39:49🔗 Drew All right. 1-800-LOVE-E-191. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Loveline. 1-800-L-O-V-E 191. And I've got some bad news. We've been busted. Thanks, Anderson. Just got calls from the administrative powers that be here at the radio station who put a kibosh on the listener, Loveline.

40:29🔗 Caller Why is that my fault?

40:31🔗 Drew Because I don't think they would have noticed it if you had brought it up and put a bite and light on it.

40:36🔗 Caller They only hear my voice.

40:39🔗 Drew That's why I think about it.

40:40🔗 Caller Drew, without an armed guard over there, I mean, it's a really, we live in LA.

40:43🔗 Drew You're right.

40:44🔗 Caller Not Detroit.

40:45🔗 Drew No, you're right. And then so there you go. And that's the end of that. But we're still kind of negotiating with Ann a little bit here. Lauren had already had it sort of sussed out.

40:52🔗 Caller She would have been raped and burned out there. Little Lauren going out there by herself, that's scary.

40:58🔗 Drew She had a guy lined up, had him empty his pockets, patted him down. The engineer is Michelle. Lauren patted him down? Engineer is Michelle has this probably sexual abuse thing there. Engineer is Michelle has a mace sitting right here on the counter. And we were ready. How bad could it get? Listen, I've been here with Fletch for god sakes. You know what I mean?

41:16🔗 Caller He could have shown up.

41:18🔗 Drew Yeah, that's the point. We know who not to invite in here. Alright, let's take a call from... wrong number. There's Samantha who's 21. Hey Samantha, what's going on?

41:26🔗 Oh, hi. Wow, I can't believe I'm on. Well, I just want to let you know I've been wanting to be on the show as a co-host for as long as I've been listening. I'm disappointed.

41:37🔗 Drew I know, I am too.

41:38🔗 Yeah, I'll get over it.

41:39🔗 Drew Looking forward to meeting you. Well, there will be listening to Loveline in the future. This doesn't mean we're done. There will be. Yeah, but we'll be properly prepared for it.

41:48🔗 I think people could help each other out, you know, by...

41:50🔗 Drew It's just an interesting... Yeah, it's just interesting.

41:53🔗 Caller Yeah.

41:54🔗 Okay, so my question is, I haven't spoken to my biological father since I was seven years old. And for many... Well, I got... When he came to see me after like three years of not seeing me, I got an unbelievable panic attack. And from then on, I thought that by seeing him, that panic that I got at that point would happen again. So for so many years of my life, I haven't... I've avoided him.

42:27🔗 Drew So let me get this right. He left at seven.

42:31🔗 Right. He left around like five.

42:33🔗 Drew And you saw him again at eight?

42:36🔗 Yeah, he came back into my life between like seven and eight. He just showed up.

42:40🔗 Drew And has he been hanging around since? Is he trying to make contact with you?

42:43🔗 Well, he's used his mother as an intermediary between us, like trying to get her to get me to see him. See what I mean? Yeah, so she's been putting pressure on me all my life to see him and telling me that I'm destroying their family and, you know.

43:00🔗 Drew Oh, well, then grandma is a real piece of work too then.

43:02🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah.

43:04🔗 And the more pressure she would put on me when I was younger, the more I wouldn't want to see him.

43:08🔗 Drew Is he an addict?

43:10🔗 Yeah, he was an alcoholic and that's why my mom and him split up when I was like two.

43:15🔗 Drew Is he in recovery now?

43:17🔗 Well, yeah, he was in a, well, I've gotten all this information from my mom, but-

43:20🔗 Where's my bourbon?

43:23🔗 He, yeah, he's been sober for eight years. And yeah, I was shocked to hear that the other day. My mom told me that. But yeah, so I guess he, he was suicidal at one point and he was, he also has anxiety disorder and I do too. We both have generalized anxiety.

43:41🔗 Drew Nice.

43:41🔗 And so he was like self-medicating with the alcohol for so many years.

43:45🔗 Drew Well, no, no, listen, people, no, he was drinking because he's an alcoholic. He started using alcohol because it worked for his anxiety. When it stopped working, he escalated his alcohol use because he's an alcoholic.

43:56🔗 Right.

43:57🔗 Drew People, people don't the reason they start reusing is different than the reason they don't stop very different.

44:05🔗 Yeah.

44:05🔗 Drew Are you an alcoholic or addict yourself?

44:07🔗 No, I've actually I don't drink now because I've had some a couple experiences where I have drank and I drank way too much and it got out of control.

44:17🔗 Drew Do you smoke pot?

44:18🔗 No, never tried it.

44:19🔗 Never.

44:20🔗 Drew All right. So I kind of I don't listen. I'm not telling you what to do. I understand that.

44:26🔗 Yeah.

44:26🔗 Drew But it sounds like a circumstance where reconnecting would not be such a bad thing.

44:32🔗 Really?

44:33🔗 Drew If you want to, if you want to, if you don't want to, you're ambivalent about it. It's never what you fantasize is going to be. But the fact that he has eight years of recovery on his belt, right, means that it's going to be better than it certainly would be otherwise.

44:45🔗 Well, the only reason I'm thinking about it is because I'm having relationship issues now and I'm trying to investigate like the underlying reasons why I'm making decisions and why I'm feeling co-dependent and stuff like that.

44:59🔗 Drew Yeah, well, there you go. And there's no doubt that it's your dad left that imprint on you and seeing him again and sorting out your relationship in the present as two adults is not going to really undo what he did when you were a kid. That requires treatment. So seeing him really shouldn't be something you expect to somehow cure these issues in your relationship may help a little bit, but it's not going to cure it or really help in a fundamental way. I think it's kind of a good idea. 2800LOVE191. This is Loveline. It's Thanksgiving. We're hanging out and we'll be right back. Fred's Love Lines, Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. We're just hanging out here tonight. We almost had a listener in Love Line. I guarantee you we will have a series of them in the future. I almost slid one in under the radar. We kind of thought Noah was listening. You and Anderson thought Noah was listening, but lo and behold, the ever present year, producer Anne was upon us, and she kind of put a kibosh on it.

46:03🔗 Caller Nobody's listening.

46:05🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm afraid they are. This is Stacey 18.

46:09🔗 Caller You know, Anne's in bed by now, Drew.

46:10🔗 Drew It's Stacey. Anne, I've been talking to Anne. She's listening.

46:13🔗 Hi.

46:14🔗 Drew Hey, Stacey, what's happening?

46:17🔗 Caller Nothing much. I have a question about the male ego or whatever.

46:21🔗 Drew Yes.

46:22🔗 Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half, and we started in high school. And about six months before we started dating, I had sex with four people, and two of them happened to be his friends.

46:35🔗 Drew Okay.

46:36🔗 But he doesn't talk to those friends no more.

46:38🔗 Drew No more.

46:39🔗 No more.

46:40🔗 Caller He doesn't talk to them no more.

46:41🔗 Drew Doesn't play tennis no more.

46:42🔗 No more. And in the beginning of our relationship, he was all like, oh, I'm pissed off about it, blah, blah, blah. And then he kind of just like let it go. And then about three weeks ago, he brought it up again because his sister found out.

46:58🔗 Drew How old is he?

47:00🔗 I'm sorry?

47:00🔗 Drew How old is he?

47:01🔗 He's 20.

47:03🔗 Drew You know, the effects of testosterone are so profound in the early 20s and late teens on the male. They have lots of energy about territoriality and other men and who touches their women. And the fact that you, first of all, have ever been with another man bothers him. The fact that they're guys that he trusted and likes finds overwhelming. It's really incredible. These are issues that will not matter quite so much to him as he's aging. But now, he gets in his cron, he cannot get it out.

47:34🔗 Caller No more.

47:37🔗 Caller Well, he tells me he can let it go.

47:39🔗 Drew And then he can't. Then he brings it back up.

47:41🔗 I know he can't.

47:43🔗 Drew Think of it this way, Stacey, think of it this way. Women tend to have more of an issue with their partners having been sort of intimate with somebody else. You mean you were in love with somebody else before? Would that bother you? Or let's say he was having an intimate conversation with somebody, even now, trouble you?

48:00🔗 Caller Not, well, yeah, yeah, that would bother me.

48:02🔗 Drew Okay, he feels that same way about you having been touched sexually by another man. Men are much more preoccupied about the physical territory than the emotional territory. And they have extraordinary difficulty letting it go. It's almost, it's like a deep rage they get. It's almost comical, but it's not unique. And it doesn't mean, just how lame men are. I mean, they're under the influence of a drug from about 16 to about 29. And they got to kind of learn to deal with it, and so do they. He will not let it, probably not let it destroy the relationship though. If you really put down some limits with him and tell him to cut it out, he probably will, it'll bother him still a little bit, but he'll probably be able to get under control. Tell him to knock it off. You don't have to feel guilty. Here's the problem, women start to, what?

48:49🔗 Caller You know, it's just like, he doesn't have problems with other people that he has sex with.

48:54🔗 Drew I know, I know. It's just, believe me, he has trouble with all of it, but it's especially guys that he knows, he just can't get that out of his system. Tell him to knock it off. You don't have to feel guilty. Don't, ladies, do not take on what the man dumped on you most of the time. This is certainly something you don't have to take on. It's not something you can do anything wrong. Nicole, 25.

49:13🔗 Um, yes, I have a question about my father. He's 48 years old and he's addicted to the painkiller stoma. He's been taking them, I would say, for about 10 years. He was first prescribed by his doctor for he has two herniated discs in his back.

49:34🔗 Drew Like everybody that's upright, by the way.

49:36🔗 Right.

49:37🔗 Drew Everybody that walks on two feet has two herniated discs.

49:40🔗 Uh, what?

49:41🔗 Drew Everyone that walks on two feet that's over 40 years of age has two herniated discs. That's just part of being upright.

49:48🔗 But it's gotten to the point where he can't get them prescribed by a doctor anymore. He gets them off the internet. And I mean, it's really, I mean, it's out of control. He's two different people when he's on them. Um, you know-

50:00🔗 Drew Is he taking painkillers too?

50:03🔗 Yeah. Well, for soma, he takes, I mean, I would say he can go through a hundred in about three days.

50:09🔗 Drew Wow. Is he taking Vicodin or Oxycontin? No.

50:12🔗 Vicodin doesn't do anything for him. And I think Oxycontin were maybe a little too strong because it's more about the high effect with him.

50:22🔗 Drew Right. But so he's taking all that stuff. All right. So he needs to go on-

50:25🔗 I mean, he's been an addict his whole life.

50:27🔗 Drew All right. It's time to get treatment.

50:30🔗 He did that. He checked himself actually. I was in amazement that he actually fessed up to it and checked himself into a rehab, but I mean, the day he checked himself in, he took 40 before he walked in to where he could barely walk.

50:47🔗 Drew Of course.

50:47🔗 And, you know, a month, two months, he was doing really, really good and then stress, you know, he got, he has 3 DUIs, 4, you know, driving under his...

50:58🔗 Drew All right, Nicole, this is a pretty standard story, chronic pain, trauma survivorship, opiate and soma, addiction, alcoholism, it all kind of goes together. And he needs to...

51:07🔗 I'm just more worried about his health effects.

51:09🔗 Drew He needs to go to the doctor. All right, hold on. He needs to commit himself to a long-term course of treatment. It takes many months to even get this reasonably under control. Soma withdrawal is awful. Soma is a muscle relaxant. It's converted by your body into something called meprobamate, which is the compound that used to be called milltown back in the old days. It causes horrible withdrawal where people feel like they're jumping out of their skin. Their limbs, their upper extremities become hyperactive. They start punching things and throwing things. They try to hold a coffee cup. They'll suddenly throw it across the room. They feel like they're constantly have to move day and night. They don't sleep. And it lasts a good...

51:49🔗 And the sweating and the...

51:51🔗 Drew That's the opiate.

51:51🔗 I lived through it.

51:52🔗 Drew Yeah. But it lasts a good three weeks. And then another six months of not feeling normal, of post-acute withdrawal, being anxious and overwhelmed and having pain. And so long as they're outside of a structured environment, they will find a doctor to give them medicine again. Right.

52:07🔗 And because he can get it off the internet now so easily, it's so hard for me to even, because it's just me and him, we live together. It's so hard for me to monitor.

52:20🔗 Drew Well, you know, no, no, no, you got to stop that nonsense. You got to go to some Al-Anon meetings, get an Al-Anon sponsor.

52:25🔗 I've been in Al-Anon since I was 12.

52:28🔗 Drew Okay, well get a sponsor, start working a program again and realize that you can't control his illness. You can't do it. But also there are those people that sometimes can't get well and need to go on replacement therapies. I hate that kind of thing, but those options are out there. Franklin, 32.

52:45🔗 Yeah, Dr. Drew, about three months ago, started realizing a small like bump in my penis and then during erection started to hurt. I went to a general practitioner. He actually referred me to a urologist. The urologist was self-admittedly had not handled too many cases, but he had a quick diagnosis would be Peyronie's disease. I just wanted to know what you knew about it and if there's any quote unquote known cure.

53:19🔗 Drew Well, this is what they call acquired Peyronie's. It's a small area of inflammation that causes a little scarring on one side of the penis and it will pull it over to that side. They create sort of a curvature. Sometimes it's inflammatory and feels uncomfortable. Sometimes they will treat that with anti-inflammatory agents. 800 units of vitamin E a day seems to be helpful. Sometimes they have to take surgical approaches. So, you know, it's not uncommon. I wouldn't call it very common. It's not uncommon. It is treatable and urologists will be the best person to be seeing. And that's what you're doing. So I would keep following their direction. This is Justin. What's up, Justin?

53:56🔗 Hey, um, about, uh, about a month ago, my girlfriend, she told me that she was pregnant, right?

54:06🔗 Drew Right.

54:07🔗 And, um, a liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, and you know it.

54:14🔗 Drew Are you? Huh? You're lying?

54:17🔗 No.

54:18🔗 Drew You know the international rules of a bogosity.

54:22🔗 Of what?

54:23🔗 Drew If I say it's bogus, you have to fess up.

54:27🔗 No, seriously.

54:28🔗 Drew All right. She told you she was pregnant a month ago, and?

54:31🔗 And, like, uh, about a week ago, I saw her at a party, and she was drinking, and she was just, she had a small pot and everything.

54:42🔗 Drew And what's your question?

54:43🔗 Um, what should I do? Should I, like, tell her that I, like, found out, and, like?

54:48🔗 Drew Found out what?

54:50🔗 She was drinking.

54:52🔗 Drew How do you know she's still, how do you know she has an abortion? How do you know she was actually pregnant?

54:57🔗 Cause her stomach is, like, not that big, but pretty big.

55:01🔗 Drew Doesn't stop. Come on.

55:03🔗 What?

55:04🔗 Drew This is, this doesn't sound like a real call.

55:08🔗 Sorry if it doesn't, but it is.

55:10🔗 Drew Well, what is the question you want from me? Of course, yes, tell her to stop. Yes, tell some adult, absolutely, of course. What, what, what, where is the question?

55:21🔗 Should I tell her?

55:23🔗 Drew Why wouldn't you?

55:26🔗 I don't really want to.

55:27🔗 Drew There's no question, Justin, there's no question. That's why this is a bogus call.

55:30🔗 Caller Seal Beach is less than an hour away. He could have come down tonight.

55:33🔗 Drew Exactly. But not, not, not if they're violating the international treaty on bogosity. Jamie, what's up?

55:42🔗 Caller Hi, Dr. Drew.

55:44🔗 Drew Hey, what's happening?

55:45🔗 Caller I want to know how to not have sex.

55:48🔗 Drew Why?

55:49🔗 Caller Because I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to have sex until it's in a meaningful relationship.

55:56🔗 Drew What's been happening?

55:58🔗 Caller Um, nothing really. I'm single and I just want to wait until it means something.

56:04🔗 Drew Are you a Mormon? Have you?

56:07🔗 Caller What's that?

56:08🔗 Drew Are you a Mormon?

56:09🔗 Caller No, but I've been getting into Buddhism a lot lately and I know that...

56:13🔗 Drew I was going to say, Anderson, I'm sure if she'd heard it, she would have responded to it. Um, Jamie, have you been having bad experiences with men?

56:21🔗 Caller No, I'm just trying to be a little more spiritual right now.

56:25🔗 Drew Alright, so stop having sex. That's fine. That's up to you. So what's the question?

56:31🔗 Caller Do you know any methods that Buddhist monks use to not have sex? Because they can't have sex either.

56:37🔗 Drew Well, I don't understand. If it's not a problem for you, if you've not been having lots of sex, you've not been having bad experiences, you would like to stop, why can't you stop?

56:47🔗 Caller Well, I was just wondering if...

56:49🔗 Drew Why can't you stop if it's not been a problem?

56:51🔗 Caller No, I have stopped. I have stopped.

56:53🔗 Drew Okay, why do you need...

56:53🔗 Caller I think about it a lot and I want to put that energy into other things.

56:58🔗 Drew Are you... like, well then go ahead and do that. I don't understand the question.

57:03🔗 Caller It's hard. It's hard to not think about sex.

57:06🔗 Caller Get a bonsai tree.

57:09🔗 Caller What's that?

57:10🔗 Drew I don't understand. You've not been having sex. Yeah. You said you've never really been having sex.

57:16🔗 Caller No.

57:16🔗 Drew Right? Okay. So this is the condition you've always been in. Why now is it all of a sudden an issue?

57:22🔗 Caller Well, I have had a lot of sex in the past.

57:26🔗 Drew Oh, well, that's okay. Let's talk about that. What happened?

57:30🔗 Caller Well, it's just been with a lot of meaningless men.

57:36🔗 Drew How many times have you had that with meaningless relationships?

57:41🔗 Caller About 20 times.

57:43🔗 Drew Okay. Did you have any trauma when you were growing up?

57:45🔗 Caller No.

57:47🔗 Drew Do you think you're sexually compulsive?

57:49🔗 Caller No, I don't. But I just want to be able to not think about it so much and put my energy into other more productive things.

58:00🔗 Drew Then go do that. And also exercise more, put more structure in your day. When it comes to human drives, it's very difficult to moderate them or adjust them. They're deeply biological. So all you can do is change the structure really around them and change the emotional circumstances in which they're developed. So relationships are very helpful. Having supportive friends around, supportive peers around, talking about your feelings with people, getting lots of structure in your day, focusing on productive things and things that make you feel good about yourself. And oftentimes primitive drives kind of on their own go down. They're not things you can wish away. It's right trying to wish away hunger. It's not something you can do. If you're hungry, you're hungry and your body needs you to do that. Do you also masturbate?

58:49🔗 Caller Not that often, no.

58:51🔗 Drew So again, that's not something you want to go spiraling into because that will actually increase your drives, but it's also okay to get some relief that way. So it's about creating structure and balance in your life. You don't have to go into asceticism in order to not be sexual. That's basically the same thing as being hypersexual, just the other side of the coin. As opposed to trying to be balanced, having a healthy life, exercising, running, having the other outlets that give you a way of expressing some of those things. Right? Okay.

59:20🔗 All right.

59:20🔗 Drew Okay, so just focus. I'm a little worried that you're so obsessional about this, but let's give it a try. Amy, what's up?

59:27🔗 Dr. Drew.

59:29🔗 Drew Amy.

59:29🔗 Caller I have a question for you.

59:31🔗 Drew Yeah.

59:32🔗 Caller I've been in a relationship for a really long time. So now I'm single and of course I'm starting to be with other people and everything and I'm freaked out about like oral sex and HIV basically. So my question to you is how, I mean, I know that you should use like, you know, protection even when you're doing oral sex, but...

59:53🔗 Drew Yep. Because you can get any STD of moral sex, right?

59:56🔗 Caller Yes, exactly.

59:57🔗 Drew Okay.

59:57🔗 Caller So how, okay, to not be too graphic, if no one is really like, you know, like doing the deed in, God, how am I not graphic? You know, if you don't fully...

1:00:14🔗 Drew If you don't swallow?

1:00:15🔗 Caller Yes, exactly.

1:00:16🔗 Drew If you don't swallow.

1:00:17🔗 Caller How?

1:00:17🔗 Drew You don't swallow the risks of the viral transmitted diseases like HIV are substantially less.

1:00:23🔗 Caller Okay. And what about the other way around, if you're receiving?

1:00:29🔗 Drew Receiving oral is not an efficient way to transmit those disorders.

1:00:34🔗 Caller Okay.

1:00:34🔗 Drew Yeah. In fact, some people have tried to sort of establish a hierarchy of risk and female on female sexuality tends to rank way down in terms of risks of transmission. So that's primarily oral sex.

1:00:45🔗 Caller Okay. And, but unfortunately, it's not female on female.

1:00:49🔗 Drew No, I understand. I'm just saying oral sex is just the one.

1:00:51🔗 Caller It's men who tend to be a little bit more promiscuous, so.

1:00:55🔗 Drew Why aren't you choosing better partners?

1:00:57🔗 Caller Yeah. You know what? That's a great question. Exactly.

1:01:01🔗 Drew Why is that?

1:01:04🔗 Caller I think I just happen to fall into the promiscuous person, but I think probably better decision is to choose better people, right?

1:01:14🔗 Drew Yeah. Just go slow it down.

1:01:16🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:16🔗 Drew Slow it down. Have you been lonely or something? Is that why you're going for guys who are more available?

1:01:20🔗 Caller It's just I have, I just got out of a relationship, so it's just kind of like seeing what's out there.

1:01:27🔗 Drew Right. And the most available, easiest to get guys are exactly that.

1:01:31🔗 Caller It's a slut, yeah.

1:01:32🔗 Drew Yeah. And so maybe just kind of take your time a little bit and not feel quite so desperate and lonely and meet some passion real relationships out there. What do you think?

1:01:40🔗 Caller Yeah. That sounds good.

1:01:42🔗 Drew All right. Good times.

1:01:42🔗 Caller Thank you.

1:01:43🔗 Drew Happy Thanksgiving. This is Amy. What's up, Amy?

1:01:48🔗 Caller Hi, this is Jen.

1:01:50🔗 Drew Oh, it's Jen. What says Amy up here? Yes, Amy's middle name. I was thinking about going by a different name, but I just said, Oh, well, she says Amy, otherwise known as Jen, just let a huge F-bomb go. She was explaining why she was using Jen as opposed to Amy and decided just F it. Amy slash Jen, we need you to wait a couple minutes here while our delay system resets. Nigel, what's going on there?

1:02:20🔗 Hi, I called a few years ago, but a few months ago, right before I was about to get married with a psycho mom, you may recall me, I'm the one that got hit by the coral and stabbed by the scalpel. You thought I was bogus, but I was real.

1:02:32🔗 Drew Yes, tell me more.

1:02:35🔗 Yeah, I got married, I went and got counseling with my wife as well as without like you suggested. That is going great.

1:02:42🔗 Drew Oh, good. Tell us the original call, what did you call in with?

1:02:48🔗 I was really worried that my mom abusing me when I was a child would influence my upcoming marriage and future relationship.

1:02:58🔗 Drew And what did your mom do to you?

1:03:01🔗 Physical abuse, abuse, neglect. She had done a lot of drugs and pretty much had me and my siblings in a really bad situation. And every time I tried to reestablish contact when she was supposedly better, it was just dramatically worse.

1:03:26🔗 Drew Okay, and then you're going to get married?

1:03:29🔗 Yeah, I'm married now.

1:03:31🔗 Drew And that's going well?

1:03:32🔗 That's going extremely well.

1:03:34🔗 Drew What did you say about the scalpel? Tell me that story again.

1:03:38🔗 Yeah, you wanted, the original call, you wanted examples, and Adam said make them interesting, so I told the tale of when she stabbed me with a scalpel because she was studying to be an RN in 11.

1:03:55🔗 Drew Right, I don't know if this is right. And so what do you want to tell us tonight?

1:03:59🔗 Oh, just, I took your advice and everything's going well. Oh, good. My mom tried to commit suicide on my 21st birthday, actually.

1:04:08🔗 Drew Why?

1:04:08🔗 Caller And apparently her kids, the hater, her life is crap and all that. And-

1:04:17🔗 Drew Are you able to sort of disengage from all that a little bit?

1:04:21🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm, actually my wife had to convince me to go see her because I had completely disassociated myself from her at that point.

1:04:30🔗 Drew And your therapist right now, what kind of input and direction are you getting from him or her?

1:04:35🔗 Caller She is saying that if I should really think long and hard, make a list of pros and cons of keeping in contact with my mom. And if I cannot at least double the cons with pros, I shouldn't do it.

1:04:53🔗 Drew And how does she feel your relationship is going with your wife? The therapist?

1:04:58🔗 Caller She actually says it's going amazingly well for somebody my age.

1:05:03🔗 Drew Oh, good. All right, Nigel, thanks for calling. Happy Thanksgiving and congratulations. Keep it up. It takes time, right?

1:05:10🔗 Caller Yeah, everything else does, you know.

1:05:12🔗 Drew Yeah, this one really does.

1:05:13🔗 Caller Life can be easier than another.

1:05:15🔗 Drew Absolutely. And when you've been through what you've been through, sometimes it's a sort of a chronic liability. It's like having a leg injury or something. You have to constantly attend to, but you can be attended to is the point.

1:05:27🔗 Uh, turkey sat on the backyard fence on Thanksgiving Day. And as he sat on the backyard fence, this is what he'd say. Oh, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble. I don't like Thanksgiving Day. Hey, hey, hey, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble. I would like to run away.

1:05:41🔗 Drew Yeah, David Ongreer. So this is David. What's up, David?

1:05:46🔗 Hey.

1:05:46🔗 Hi, Dr. Drew. How are you doing?

1:05:48🔗 Drew Good.

1:05:48🔗 Caller Good. I work for a company and our boss is a drug addict and went on a binge and fired everybody at the company. And he's a friend of ours. We're really wondering how to handle the situation best. Obviously, dealing with someone who is not in the most sound of mind. He was a friend, but also an employer.

1:06:13🔗 Drew You gather everybody together. That's important in his life. And you confront him. Okay. And if you can, hire an interventionist to do it and rehearse it and set it up and organize a place where he can go. Do not ambush him and do not allow him to conclude that interaction without a plan.

1:06:29🔗 Caller I didn't want to say intervention.

1:06:33🔗 Drew That's right. And who is that, Anderson? That's right. And you just pack his bag for him and you have a bed waiting and you send him off. That's it. If he doesn't respond to that or if someone else who has some leverage tries talking to him and can't convince him to do what he needs to do, then there's nothing you can do. He'll have to keep going down as far as he needs to go before he's willing to make change. That's the difficult thing about addiction is you have to watch people sink to the point where literally often times they believe they're going to die. When they actually feel and believe and know that that's the point at which they're willing to make change. Some people are also lucky enough to have something we call a moment of clarity where they sort of see themselves as they are. But in states of addiction, the denial is so profound, the biological effects of the drug are so profound that it's difficult for them actually to have a moment like that. So what's the only thing that breaks through all that is an experience where they have a very powerful sort of crisis and believe they're going to die. So here we are, 1-800-LOVE-191. It's Thanksgiving. We're hanging out. We'll be right back.

1:07:40🔗 Caller The phone number for Loveline is 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline, I'll be right back.

1:07:47🔗 Drew That's right. It's Loveline 1-800-LOVE-191. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. We'll just get right back to the calls here. I want to hear that David Alan Greer turkey song one more time, Anderson. Can I hear that? Hang a second, David. David? Yes. Hold on one second. Anderson, you can give me that song?

1:08:07🔗 Caller Turkey sat on the backyard fence on Thanksgiving Day And as he sat on the backyard fence, this is what he'd say Oh, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble I don't like Thanksgiving Day Hey, hey, hey, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble I would like to run away All right, Dave, what's going on?

1:08:23🔗 Uh, just want to ask Dr. Drew about, uh, if he's ever heard something called rapid detox.

1:08:30🔗 Drew Yeah, I know about rapid detox. What's the question?

1:08:32🔗 Um, I have my best friend. She's been addicted to Vicodin since she was about 14.

1:08:37🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:37🔗 When she started getting periods and the doctor.

1:08:40🔗 Drew All right, whatever. She's on, she's addicted to Vicodin and?

1:08:44🔗 And I mean, she, she, she has a five year old kid, so she doesn't want to go to rehab because she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to leave him for more than.

1:08:53🔗 Drew Unfortunately, there's no other way to treat opiate addiction than a long term treatment program. She can go on replacement therapy and continue to be loaded with either Subutex or Buprenorphine or even Methadone. But the problem with that is she has, her son has an intoxicated mom and an intoxicated mom tends to be sort of poorly attuned and affects the child's development potentially. So if she wants to be a good mom, she has to get off the opiates and that's going to take time. It's not just about getting off the opiates. She goes to rapid detox, she'll be off them for three days, she'll start taking them again three days later. And there's really simply no reason to spend all that money. Opiate detox is not that big a deal. It takes about five days. We can do it in our facility with anybody or any circumstances. It's uncomfortable. It's quite doable.

1:09:37🔗 Well, how can I do it because it's really expensive.

1:09:40🔗 Drew I've looked into it and I'm thankful for her. David, she shouldn't have it. She should go into treatment. She needs to spend a couple months in a treatment program and get treated. That's the reality. The detox part is nothing. It's the easiest part of opiate addiction. The hard part is the hard work of treatment and staying off the opiates and that's hard work. The detox, stop focusing on that. That's a nothing. Okay.

1:10:04🔗 Okay. Well, is there an affordable place to do this at?

1:10:08🔗 Drew To be treated? Yes. I'm sure there are county funded beds. Check whatever your county facilities are. There are sober livings all over the place. I was just looking at some prices at sober livings recently and they're only like between $300 and $600 a month. So she could go into a hospital. Usually insurance will pay for that. Detox and then head out to sober living for a couple of months.

1:10:28🔗 Okay. Well, it's because she doesn't have insurance and we're not married, so. All right.

1:10:32🔗 Drew Well, then there are good outpatient detoxes now using a medicine called buprenorphine. So you want to find a doctor who's certified to do that, which is again pretty easy to do. Any doctor that's addiction medicine certified should be able to do that. And to get off it, that would probably cost not more than a few hundred dollars. And then again, a few hundred dollars a month in the Sober Living Center. And then she will be able to restore her son, for her son, an actual mom. John 16.

1:10:59🔗 Hey, man. How you doing?

1:11:01🔗 What's up?

1:11:03🔗 I had a question about, like, about masturbation, because I'm watching porn. Like, I watch porn sometimes, and when I'm looking, when I'm watching, I kind of see myself going over to the more violent stuff, you know?

1:11:19🔗 Drew How many times a day are you doing this? How many times a day are you doing this?

1:11:29🔗 Not that much.

1:11:30🔗 Is he hot?

1:11:31🔗 I see that I do it like, like when, when like I have some time and nobody's home, you know?

1:11:39🔗 Drew How many times a week?

1:11:43🔗 Um, well, while watching it, like not that many, like twice probably.

1:11:48🔗 Drew Twice a week.

1:11:48🔗 He's a sledgehammer.

1:11:49🔗 Yeah.

1:11:50🔗 Drew So it's not like you're getting addicted to porn, you just don't like the kind of porn you're looking at?

1:11:54🔗 Um, not really, no. Just, um, yeah, kind of.

1:11:59🔗 Drew John, what's the question? What is the question, buddy? Here we go. What's the question?

1:12:06🔗 Why would I, why would I, um, Why would you look at porn? Yeah, no, like the more type of violence.

1:12:13🔗 Drew Towards violent porn? Well, a common reason that people go that direction is that they themselves have witnessed violence or were sexually, excuse me, or physically or sexually for that matter, abused when they're growing up. S&M and violence and those kinds of things become highly, highly arousing. We're going to talk to somebody about that. In fact, right now, Faye.

1:12:28🔗 Yeah.

1:12:29🔗 Drew What's up?

1:12:30🔗 Hey, hi. Is this Dr. Drew? Yep. How's it going?

1:12:36🔗 Drew Good.

1:12:36🔗 What's happening with you?

1:12:38🔗 Caller Pretty well.

1:12:40🔗 I do have a problem.

1:12:41🔗 Drew What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

1:12:43🔗 You know, I was going to go work at St. DePaul downtown San Francisco. Where's your family? I'm an orphan.

1:12:52🔗 Drew You what?

1:12:53🔗 I'm an orphan. I don't really have family.

1:12:55🔗 Drew You're an orphan?

1:12:56🔗 Yeah.

1:12:57🔗 Drew Why? What happened?

1:13:00🔗 Well, my biological parents were just like foreigners to the country and they had me at a country and I got adopted in country and that's it. I mean, I think when my dad died last year, but I had a really close bond to him.

1:13:15🔗 Drew It's hard to follow what you're saying. You were born to foreigners in this country?

1:13:21🔗 Yeah. They were immigrants and they had me here and then, you know, they got deported and I just kind of got left here.

1:13:27🔗 Drew What?

1:13:28🔗 Yeah. How old were you? Well, zero to now.

1:13:33🔗 Drew No, I understand you've been alive zero to now. How old were you when you were left here?

1:13:38🔗 Oh, probably, well, within like the first year, year and a half. I don't really remember too much about anything. I just remember living with my family.

1:13:46🔗 Drew Hey, can you appreciate my confusion? Who raised you? Where were you left?

1:13:51🔗 Oh, I'm sorry. I was just, well, my dad actually came back to the country probably about a year. I was in the orphanage or like in the system, in the government system, living in group homes and, you know, foster care placement for little babies. And I just, I ended up doing that until my dad remarried an American citizen and he got his license. And then I could live with her for a while. I lived with her until I was like nine and then she sent me back to group homes.

1:14:15🔗 Drew To where? To group homes?

1:14:18🔗 Yeah.

1:14:18🔗 Drew Oh, my God. What a traumatic, horrible history.

1:14:21🔗 Oh, I know. It's worse, but it's just like, you know.

1:14:24🔗 Drew It gets worse? Tell me what's worse. How does it get worse?

1:14:28🔗 I, well, when I was in those group homes, I got sexually assaulted.

1:14:31🔗 Drew Right, of course.

1:14:32🔗 They just kind of just passed me around. And then I sent that guy to prison. And, you know, everybody's kind of kept it really quiet. And, you know, it just, I was just so badly, I think I was more abused there than anywhere in the world. You know, like anywhere in my life. I just, it's kind of like-

1:14:47🔗 Drew Yeah, so you've been sexually abused, abandoned, neglected, man. That's going to create a weird relationship history.

1:14:54🔗 Yeah, it's going to create a kind of a weird kind of personality or a weird, you know, outlook on things. But this is my question. My question is, basically, I don't think I can cope sexually in a positive manner. I think that everything does have to follow on the lines of control or like S&M behaviors and aggressive behavior towards me.

1:15:13🔗 Drew Yeah, you have to be basically abused. That's the only way you can feel sexual.

1:15:18🔗 But there's another part, I mean, I spent half, well, more than, you know, ever since I have been able to feel feelings and show my personality and where it's on, I've been constantly monitored and, you know, psychoanalyzed, summed up. You know, I group up, I have their own psychiatrist on unit and, you know, they constantly, like, are retraining my thought process. And I totally know where all this stuff comes from. I just don't understand how, now that I have all the answers about where it comes from and, you know, what's going on with me and why I'm having these experiences.

1:15:47🔗 Drew Where does it come from? Where does it come from?

1:15:49🔗 Oh, my God, de-rooted, you know, beyond abandonment, you know, you need somebody to control you, to give you, you know, to basically reassure you, you need that reassurance and it just goes on forever. You know, it's like beyond sexual abuse, physical abuse, abandoning, all that is kind of like I'm looking for this male figure that's going to, like, control me dominantly when I allow them to because outside of that, I have a really aggressive personality. So, outside of the bedroom, I'm really aggressive. But when I'm in the bedroom, it's like this little secret where I can allow them to give me permission to be, you know, weak and not have to always be in survival mode.

1:16:23🔗 Drew So, well, I see that a little bit differently, but it's a good case in point to understand that.

1:16:29🔗 Well, that's just what I've been told. You know, they told me this 100 times today.

1:16:32🔗 Drew I understand. That's not inaccurate. It's accurate. But I think there's other ways of looking at it. And it's a good learning sort of point that understanding things intellectually and cognitively don't change them. Not very much anyway. Yeah. This whole notion that, well, once you understand things, then that's going to take care of it. No, it really doesn't. It motivates you to make changes and to do things you need to do in order to change the emotional systems and the drive systems. But having just intellectual understanding on the surface actually does very little for many people. So the fact is, you're left still with these very disturbed emotional systems and these very powerful drives and these very ten amazing needs for arousal that flip and flop between dominating and being dominated. It's all sort of what I consider fragmentation of your personality and your emotional systems, rather than being an integrated whole where you can be sort of gray, you can be sort of sometimes dominated, sometimes not, but not these split off extremes. And those are split off parts of yourself that never get fully integrated because you didn't get what you needed as you were growing up and what you did get was abuse, so it makes it even more difficult to trust people and get from them what you need. So you're very smart, you understand things, you listen to what people tell you, but you still don't make the kind of connections you need to make in order to develop an integrated emotional system that allows you to regulate as a whole rather than splits off into these very disparate kinds of elements, only which I can only experience myself sexually when I'm highly out of control and being dominated, and I can only be in a relationship when I'm in control and I'm being abusive myself. So you flip back and forth between abuser and abusee, quite literally. Exactly. Those aren't healthy ways to be in relationships. That's just reenactments of what you went through as a child.

1:18:19🔗 I've been with the same person for about five to six years, and honestly, I think that this person, he's very much right for me and he understands that controlling behavior, but I feel like I need that moment of clarity, like I really need to get to the other side of the situation.

1:18:34🔗 Drew Well, then you may want to look into essay, sexual compulsion, sexual addictions, and get a 12-step program going, get a sponsor, and look into that, or get more involved with a therapist that you hire, that you work with deeply on trying to sort some of this stuff out. Sometimes, there are sort of ancillary treatments, there's cognitive behavioral therapies, which sounds like what they've been trying with you, and something called EMDR where they use rapid eye movements. It's a very strange therapy, but they think it may help rewire some of the trauma stuff that's left behind. So, it's called EMDR, it's a rapid eye movement treatment where you sort of are asked to look at these little lights and move your eyes in a certain direction while you process through some of the traumatic material. Carrie, what's up?

1:19:13🔗 Hey. So, I'm like, I'm really into my boyfriend. He's really sexy. He wants to have sex like every night. And like, I want to have sex with him all the time, but it's like, whenever we get going, it's like I'm not into it.

1:19:28🔗 Drew What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

1:19:30🔗 What?

1:19:30🔗 Drew What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

1:19:32🔗 I'm going to my parents.

1:19:34🔗 Drew That's good. That's a question now that's becoming very revealing. I was asked, where are you going for Thanksgiving? All of a sudden we get into foster care and being abandoned and left at the doorstep of Ellis Island. You got a good relationship with your parents?

1:19:47🔗 Yeah. Yeah, really good.

1:19:49🔗 Drew So you're looking forward to this?

1:19:50🔗 Yeah. Really looking forward to it.

1:19:52🔗 Drew Is your boyfriend coming with you?

1:19:53🔗 I never really see my brother and he's going to be there.

1:19:57🔗 Drew Is your boyfriend coming with you?

1:19:59🔗 No. His own family is having a big Thanksgiving too. So he's going to kind of do his own thing and I'm going to do my own thing.

1:20:06🔗 Drew And where's your brother been?

1:20:08🔗 He travels all over the place. He sells jets to different governments.

1:20:12🔗 Drew Wow. Weird.

1:20:13🔗 Yeah. He has a really cool job. It's just that he doesn't ever really get time off except for on the holidays.

1:20:19🔗 Drew Crazy. So your boyfriend, is it that he wants to have more sex than you or that you can't have orgasm or you don't enjoy sex? What's the deal?

1:20:26🔗 Well, I've now had like a vaginal orgasm. I've had like a couple like clitoral orgasms, I think they're called.

1:20:34🔗 Drew No, you just over...

1:20:35🔗 And I've only really had that many when I've been masturbating.

1:20:39🔗 Drew Okay. Stop splitting it off like that. Just realize that you're not going to have orgasm with intercourse. You're only going to have it with some sort of direct stimulation. And that's usually oral sex. Does he do that to you?

1:20:50🔗 Yeah. And like, I almost don't even care to have an orgasm. It's almost like I want to have sex with him for the emotional effect. And then like, he's going to have like the physical stimulation in a way.

1:21:03🔗 Drew Yeah. Can you sort of get more involved physically?

1:21:08🔗 Yeah. Like, I try to make it more interesting almost, you know? Like, if they're starting to get boring, I'll start rolling around.

1:21:15🔗 Drew No, no, no, no, Carrie. No, no, no, no, no.

1:21:19🔗 No.

1:21:20🔗 Drew Here's the deal. How often do you want to have sex?

1:21:23🔗 Like, every day if it was like, I don't know, I feel like I have ADD during sex.

1:21:29🔗 Drew What? Because you can't concentrate?

1:21:31🔗 Kind of, yeah.

1:21:33🔗 Drew Are you into this guy?

1:21:34🔗 Yeah. Really. See, the thing is, I was in like a four-year relationship before him.

1:21:39🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:21:39🔗 And like, having sex with the other guy, he was like my first before this guy.

1:21:44🔗 Drew Right.

1:21:44🔗 And like, I kind of kept it going because I like, I felt like I was still in love with him. It was my first love or whatever. But I was never really into the sex. It was just like, you know, just the emotional thing and he would get his and that's it.

1:21:56🔗 Drew All right. Listen, you keep sort of subjugating yourself to like, well, we're going to make him happy physically and I'll just take what I can emotionally. You can get into this physically too and you should deserve to be satisfied in the way you want to be. You got to figure out what that is though. But listen, are you on medication?

1:22:12🔗 No.

1:22:12🔗 Drew You're a lesbian. No, I don't think so.

1:22:15🔗 No, I'm not a lesbian.

1:22:16🔗 Drew Not on birth control?

1:22:18🔗 No.

1:22:19🔗 Drew How do you guys prevent pregnancy?

1:22:21🔗 Condoms.

1:22:22🔗 Drew And he uses those properly and they've not slipped off or anything?

1:22:25🔗 Yeah, like if they ever get ear tape, we always use KY.

1:22:29🔗 Drew All right. You've got to figure out more what it is you want sexually from him, whether it's less frequency or some different position or something that he's not doing. You got to tune in to that and figure it out. Don't get so focused on just getting him off. I'll get what I can, the scraps I get emotionally, I guess I'll get, that'll be good for me. It's possible you're one of these people that just hasn't really developed sexually yet. Some women really sort of don't kind of come on line with the actual sexual experience, so they're in there later, mid or early to mid 20s, you're just 21 now, and that may be you, but you're going to have to kind of figure out how to, how that's going to work for you and how to enjoy that and how to get that from him. And don't focus so much on him. The emotional part, you've got that, you got that part wired, you're going to get that. But if you don't get more satisfaction in the actual sexual physical way, it's going to be hard for you to enjoy this, particularly the pace he wants to keep up. I think first thing you ought to do is sort of back it down a little bit so you're not doing it so frequently. It doesn't sound like it's something you want to be doing that frequently. Twice a week, maybe something like that for him, he'll be fine. All right, it's Thanksgiving everybody. Thanks for hanging out here. The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:23:40🔗 Caller The phone number for Loveline is 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:23:45🔗 Loveline, I'll be right back.

1:23:58🔗 Drew Hey, it's Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm Dr. Drew, it's Thanksgiving. Thanks for hanging out tonight. Let's take a couple of quick more calls. This is now, let's get them here. Bo, 17, what's up, Bo?

1:24:11🔗 Hi, Dr. Drew.

1:24:12🔗 Drew What's going on?

1:24:14🔗 Well, my question is, I just recently got clean from crystal meth.

1:24:26🔗 Drew What? Nothing, nothing. What's up? Okay, you got clean. Excellent.

1:24:29🔗 Yeah. And I was wondering, I tested negative for HIV now, but I was really promiscuous while I was using.

1:24:38🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:24:38🔗 So I was wondering if there's a possibility I might still come up positive, like-

1:24:43🔗 Drew Of course.

1:24:43🔗 Is that a possibility?

1:24:44🔗 Drew Of course.

1:24:46🔗 How?

1:24:48🔗 Drew How? There's a six month window during which time you can, what is called seroconvert, where the antibody becomes starts being produced and becomes detectable in the blood test. There is a DNA specific test you can get done that's not quite, it's not really a screening test, but you can get it to see if there's any evidence of infection. That can be even within two weeks of infection. But ultimately, the test, the best test, the one that's traditionally used is a screening test, and it can take up to six months. It's why it's recommended that you get tested now, and then it gets tested again in six months, because you can convert during that six-month window.

1:25:26🔗 So it's possible that I could give it to other people then, if I have it?

1:25:32🔗 Drew Well, look, if you are sexually compulsive and meth addicted, are you gay?

1:25:37🔗 Yes.

1:25:38🔗 Drew Okay, you need to not do anything for six months. No sex, no relationships, no meth. The meth and the sex go together, and a lot of gay guys get hooked on meth and sex together. If you start having a lot of sexual relationship, you'll start doing the meth again. Put a moratorium on all of it, stop, focus on your recovery. Listen, you've already put yourself in harm's way enough. Stop all of this. Get a sponsor, start doing the steps, make a simple life, do not go out for a while till you get this behavior under control. Lee, what's up?

1:26:07🔗 Yes?

1:26:07🔗 Drew Lee, what's going on?

1:26:09🔗 Hey, I have a question.

1:26:11🔗 Drew Where are you going for Thanksgiving?

1:26:13🔗 Caller Heading on home.

1:26:15🔗 Drew Where's home?

1:26:17🔗 It's in Southern California.

1:26:18🔗 Drew All right, what's up?

1:26:20🔗 Yeah, my question is, is there a book or a treatment for my type of situation? I'll tell you what my situation is, is I believe I might have a sexual addiction, but I love women and I suck them up. It's sort of like a sexual hurricane. I'm not trying to be cocky or anything, but I'm a good looking guy. I'm a professional. I have my own money.

1:26:47🔗 Caller Don't hurricanes blow things away?

1:26:49🔗 Drew Yes, they do. Go ahead.

1:26:52🔗 And I just meet these girls. They normally come in about four to five, and I know everything about them.

1:27:02🔗 Drew They come in about four to five, what does that mean?

1:27:04🔗 When I find them about, I don't have about five girls that I have to keep, I guess, pimping, not in a sexual way like other people. I'm just talking like...

1:27:16🔗 Caller Drew, you gotta reiterate this guy's age, because 30 is amazing to me.

1:27:19🔗 Drew You're 30?

1:27:20🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

1:27:23🔗 Drew What is your question?

1:27:25🔗 Caller My question is, these girls, they start to love me, and I throw them away. I just grab more women, and they range from 19 to 40. It doesn't matter even if they're rich. It doesn't matter. I'm not after their money. It's just, I guess, the variety. And it seems like in the summer time, when everybody's out, I just go on a rampage, and it just seems to oscillate, you know, winter, summer, winter, summer. I was seeing if there's a...

1:27:52🔗 Drew So far, you've been telling us a story. You've been repeating the same story. What's your question?

1:27:57🔗 Caller My question is, is there any books or any type of program out there to help me get back to a society type of normalcy?

1:28:08🔗 Drew Are you a trauma survivor? Were you sexually abused or anything growing up?

1:28:11🔗 Caller No.

1:28:12🔗 Drew Were you physically abused?

1:28:14🔗 Caller No.

1:28:14🔗 Drew Re-abandoned or neglected?

1:28:19🔗 Caller Only because my parents worked and I was out there with my friends. You know, there's no parents, but that really wasn't neglect. They had to work.

1:28:28🔗 Drew Are you sort of a latchkey child?

1:28:30🔗 Caller Yes, totally.

1:28:32🔗 Drew That's neglect. Alright, so there's some issues there. I think the best thing, there's something called Essay, and you can get a 12-step program, you get a sponsor, and they can help you through this, but it sounds more like a situation that you'd be better in individual therapy. That I'm not sure you're a sex addict so much as you just exploit people. And you may not really be able to empathize with other people and realize how you harm people with your behavior. And if you could, that might put a stop to some of this at least. And that ability to sort of not have empathy and to see people purely as objects, it's a pretty serious thing. And it's something that can sometimes respond to very intensive individual therapy. So that's the direction I suggest you go, is get somebody who can see you regularly. And you've got to sit there no matter how much you don't like it and talk about feelings and try to form a relationship with this person. I think a female therapist sounds like be the best way to go for you. This is finally Michelle. What's up, Michelle?

1:29:28🔗 Caller Hi, it's Michelle.

1:29:30🔗 Drew Michelle, we just got a few seconds here. What's going on?

1:29:32🔗 Caller Okay, I wanted to ask for your help because every time I have sex, I get a bacterial vaginal infection. And it's been going on for two years and I keep going back to the doctor and getting the medicine over and over. And how can I stop this? Because I want to be able to enjoy a sex life and not have to worry about that.

1:29:53🔗 Drew You know, unfortunately, I don't have a good solution. I know exactly what you're talking about. You get these sort of bacterial vaginosis. It's uncomfortable. It's a discharge, sometimes a smell. And it's usually bacteria that sort of live in the perineum and anus area. That's just stuff that's there. And it keeps getting reintroduced every time you have sex. I don't know of any way other than using the creams regularly, like the various antibacterial creams that are out there and just doing that maybe every week or so. Beyond that, you really need to talk to a gynecologist. I don't have an easy solution to that one. But it's not unheard of what you've got. And it doesn't necessarily imply that you're going to have serious medical problems. Though the infection of the vagina can be something that heads up into the tubes and maybe even be associated with pelvic inflammatory disease. So it's not nothing. It's not a trivial issue. Okay, everybody. It's Thanksgiving. I'm Dr. Drew. We've got to take one more break here. Well, that about does it for Loveline. A heartfelt Thanksgiving wish to everybody. Have a happy Thanksgiving next week and a lot of interesting guys coming up here. We got Patton Oswald, Ben Stein, and the one and only Andy Milonakis. I'll be broadcasting from New York City and Andy and I will meet over there. Interesting to hear what these guys have to say. So again, have a great Thanksgiving. Enjoy your families. Be of service if you can. Until I see you next time, this is Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:31:12🔗 Caller Turkey sat on the backyard fence on Thanksgiving Day. As he sat on the backyard fence, this is what he'd say, Oh, gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble, I don't like Thanksgiving Day. Gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble, I would like to run away.

1:31:26🔗 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:31:28🔗 Caller Loveline.

1:31:30🔗 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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