1:20🔗
Voiceover
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, Carlos Mencia is here. Mind of Mencia is the name of the show, Wednesday Nights, 10.30. I didn't see the premiere, but I was at Comedy Central today and they were just giddy about it. They did very well in the ratings, I understand. And I've been hearing, and you know, here's the thing. Here's how I know Carlos is a funny guy. Not because I saw his show. But here's the thing about comedians. Comedians are like caddy chicks who talk about other chicks in a beauty pageant. You as a male, you see some smoking hot blonde. They're like, oh, look at her. They're collagen in her ass, you know. They talk smack.
2:14🔗
Adam
Comedians do. I don't know other comedians who like other comedians or who will acknowledge that they're funny. Are you kidding?
2:44🔗
Adam
The point is, so I've been working on this Comedy Central thing, and I keep running into people and hearing people and talking to people, and they're like, Oh, Carlos, yeah, the show's really funny. The show's really good. He's really funny. And I can tell they're almost grit in their teeth when they're saying it, because people are just dying to talk a little smack, just a little comedian smack. Yeah, but everyone says, funny, funny show, funny guy.
3:10🔗
Drew
I think the funniest one is I got really bad hate mail the day of, and it was like this long letter. So I knew that he wrote it based on the time while the show was airing. He was writing this hate mail.
3:22🔗
Drew
And it was about, I shouldn't have done that Middle Eastern jokes, and I'm a racist, and not all terrorist, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And this was on Wednesday. So on Wednesday night, Thursday morning, of course, the bombings happened in...
3:36🔗
Drew
Yeah, so then he wrote an apology letter at like 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm sorry, I mean...
3:42🔗
Drew
Yeah, yeah, after writing me the hate mail, because he was like, hey man, you shouldn't say about terrorists and Middle Eastern. And then when that happened, he was like, I guess there's a reason you're doing those jokes. And I apologized. It was hilarious.
3:55🔗
Adam
Why, you know what, it just dawned on me, because I was thinking about the stack of hate mail I'm gonna get. And listen, I say horrible racist things, and I'm a white guy, so I'm really screwed.
4:08🔗
Adam
Should they be watching O'Reilly Factor or something, or just anything, TNN or TNT, anything that starts with a T? Anything but Comedy Central?
4:18🔗
Drew
But they're the comedy killers, because people listen to them. A thousand, a million people can call up this show and say, you guys are great and you're not offensive.
4:28🔗
Drew
If one person calls and says, you're offensive, everybody listens to that a-hole. That's the problem.
4:36🔗
Adam
I know, but if you really think about it, why should it be, and I wish it was, but it's no different from a percentage standpoint than what goes on in society. One guy throws a beer bottle out on a ball field, and for the rest of eternity, we're all drinking beer out of a Styrofoam cup. Because one guy threw a beer bottle out there. One kid burns his trailer down with a Bic lighter. We have a safety lighter. We're all pulling the skin off our thumb trying to light a joint because things got a wire hoop around it that won't let us flick it. One person Fs up. All of us are F.
5:11🔗
Adam
I mean, that's all. It's like I was at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas yesterday standing in line behind 2,000 people, none of which were terrorists. All it takes is one guy, and now we're in line. The greatest thing I've ever seen in my life was a boy who must have been four and a half, almost dressed like a Dutch boy, wearing a blazer.
5:38🔗
Adam
Just like a kid who would be on a packet of cocoa, so cute, and he's holding his arm straight out, and there's a guy bent down on one knee giving him the thing, giving him the metal wand. This kid was not five yet.
6:02🔗
Adam
You know that thing where you're freaking out inside, but you go, be cool on the outside, so you almost start falling asleep on the outside, and then you're like, wait a minute, that's high.
6:09🔗
Drew
I saw the little blonde girl with the little ponytails coming off the top of her head. She must have been seven, maybe.
6:18🔗
Drew
And next to her is an old lady who they're like, ma'am, raise your arms. She was so old. She couldn't actually lift her arms. They had to get two guys to come and help her lift her arms. And I couldn't hold myself. I'm like, listen, guys, if she hijacks a plane, whoever's on that plane deserves to die. Right. Because when you get hijacked by a lady who can't lift her arms, what is your problem? What are we afraid of here? They took away my nail clippers. I'm like, are there a bunch of Thai people that are going to manicure everybody on the plane that we're afraid of? I don't understand this.
6:56🔗
Adam
Luckily, I put the joint inside of a multivitamin container. Talk about versatility. Multivitamins with a joint in there. You know what I mean? Showing my range.
7:07🔗
Adam
Steely nerves. Screw the man. I'm bringing a joint home. Someone gave it to me at a bachelor party.
7:23🔗
Drew
Well, we don't have kids on our own, but we're always taking care of somebody because I'm that person. Like in a Hispanic family, you got to take care of your family. We don't get rid of our parents or grandparents. Don't get me wrong, we want to. I don't want to seem superior to all white people. We want to get rid of them, but you just can't because you grow up believing that God helps you because you help them and there's this religious thing and then if you put your grandparents in an old folks home, they kill a chicken. You know what I mean? And then the next day you got a raspy voice.
7:55🔗
Drew
No, there's a Chupacabra, there's a Cucuy, there's a Yorona. I'm not kidding you, man. We didn't even have babysitters when I was a kid. My mom would just leave and I was like, what?
8:05🔗
Drew
No, there would be a monster that would eat me if I didn't do something, like some crazy monster, you know, the Cucuy is going to get you, you know? And my dad would like get drunk and dress up all creepy and put makeup on and come into our room and El Cucuy and scare the crap out of me in the middle of the night, you know?
8:27🔗
Drew
He's probably coming in off Santa Monica Boulevard, I want some! And I'm just like, El Cucuy! But they would do stuff like that and they were just like, I asked my dad, this is a true story, I was old enough to go, dad, why did you guys have so many kids? You know, thinking he was going to give me a real great answer, and he actually looked at me and he said, it's because your mom doesn't go down on me.
8:55🔗
Drew
I was, I think, no, no, no, I was like 13. And then I went up to my mom and I said, Mom, dad's being retarded. Why do you guys have so many kids? And she went, I'm not going to go down on your father. I swear to God. And I was like, Oh my God.
9:18🔗
Adam
You know, I wonder, too, just sort of thinking about it when, you know, those couples that have been clearly been together too long and you could just see them at the mall. They hate each other, but they're so miserable. They're both so miserable. They're the only one who'd hang out. No one else will hang out with them. Not that this is Carlos' parents, but I'm wondering, like, oral sex is almost a reward. It's like what you do for your guy when he's had a long week and been a good boy. And if he hasn't been a good boy in like nine years, the oral seems like it's going to be off the menu. Whereas the intercourse is something you feel like almost contractually obligated to do because of the marriage.
9:56🔗
Adam
Here's the thing. The intercourse is like washing the car once a month but the oral is like a coat of carnauba wax.
10:07🔗
Adam
I'll keep the bird ass off the windshield. That's as far as I'm going. That's how some women sort of approach their sort of sexual relationship maintenance. You know, just a little something, just enough so I don't get a ticket or no kid takes his finger and washes, washes me on there.
10:21🔗
Drew
But it's racially different, I found. Because Dane Hispanic chicks, they're like, you know, no way. I'm not doing that unless you like, you got to like, you got to earn it before that happens.
10:37🔗
Drew
So like, when I started dating white chicks, man, I'd go back to the hood and go, dude, you're not, we didn't even do it, man. She went down.
10:47🔗
Drew
Yes. It was like, wow, Carlos was with a white chick. It was awesome. I get the gangbangers going, not even, homes, and she did it like that. I was like, yup. It was awesome, man. It was a, it's a different, a whole different mentality.
11:01🔗
Adam
I was going to think, really, I'm really, I know this is going to sound horrible too, but I think white women are a little naive because they haven't been through the wringer. They haven't got their ass kicked quite as much as blacks and Mexican chicks.
11:14🔗
Adam
Yeah. You know what they're like? You know animals who have no natural predators and don't know that man is dangerous.
11:22🔗
Adam
That's what the white chicks are like. They become like black and Mexican chicks. Eventually, they get shot at enough and then they, then they start hiding and they start running, and then they start getting suspicious and stuff like that. I wonder if white women haven't been kicked around enough to really build up that suspicion.
11:37🔗
Drew
Well, it's like dogs. It's like dogs in the hood and dogs in the suburbs. Right. Dogs in the suburbs will run up and play with you and lick you and wag the tail. And in the hood, it's like beware of dog because as soon as you get close, and you're like, bam.
11:51🔗
Adam
And if they do walk past you, they do that weird sideways half-bent, that pressing walk, tail tucked in, weird going around you.
12:00🔗
Adam
Yeah. They're bent, by the way. They're bent sideways. I don't even know how they walk that way. I think that makes that sound that make when you tinkle on the piano.
12:09🔗
Drew
Maybe that's why the majority of strippers are white because blacks and Hispanics are kind of used to it so it doesn't freak them out. Whereas to like with the white girls, once that traumatic experience happens, they go straight to the pole.
12:23🔗
Adam
Yeah. That's true. If every black and Mexican chick who got traumatized went straight to the pole, that's all, you'd open the door, they come barreling out.
12:38🔗
Adam
Butta, butta, da, butta, da, butta. Yeah. It'd be tough. That old recording driven music.
12:49🔗
Adam
What's the game? Well, we got to play Ace's Ranchero Mexican Accordion Countdown. Now, this game is, I predict, it's going to sweep the nation. Yeah. Now, I'm going to let engineer Chris take a couple of minutes to boot up. You got to find out. Here's how the game goes.
13:07🔗
Adam
I'm not Mexican, but I'm sort of an honorary Mexican because I've been doing construction in the San Fernando Valley from high school to age 30 something and beyond.
13:19🔗
Adam
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no. And I work with these guys and here's how it works on the site. Whoever's radio it is, is what music you get to listen to and whatever, whoever, you know, if there's enough S kickers, you'll listen to country music and there's enough Mexicans, you listen to ranchero music.
14:04🔗
Adam
It's, yeah, but you know what it's the equivalent of? It's like in a scary movie when you see clowns and you hear that happy, calyphe music and then it starts getting warped and weird. That's what it ends up because it goes south really fast. Right. Play a little, just play a little taste of it.
14:22🔗
Adam
I just want to hear, because I just want to give, I want to give, I'll give Carlos my impersonation of what it's like in your house. What it's like in my home, because I was building for two years at my house, and every single morning would sound like this. It's like, that's 8.15 in the morning. It adds a surreal, bizarre quality to the argument you're having with the contractor. But you don't notice it till about, it's about 25 seconds into the argument, then you just snap, like what is that? Turn it! You just want to take a pickaxe to the stereo.
15:24🔗
Adam
We take a random ranchero song, and we start at a random spot in the song, and we start it in the middle, near the end, and we don't know where it starts. How many seconds before you hear the accordion? It could be immediate, it could be three seconds.
15:44🔗
Adam
He has 20 random ranchero songs that we know not what they are. And he's going to hit start, cue up somewhere in the middle of one of them.
15:57🔗
One.
16:02🔗
Yeah.
16:02🔗
Adam
It comes in with the, I'm going to go sick and go sick. And that is the lifetime, that's a lifetime.
16:11🔗
Adam
Yes, in a corny. All right. Now hold on a second. Let me get the clock queued up here, because this gets down to tens of seconds in. Four, three, two, one.
16:54🔗
Adam
Wow. I don't know what to do. We gotta convene with the judges or something. All right, find a new song. We gotta play one more time.
17:02🔗
Caller
You sure that wasn't the accordion keeping the beat there, that boom, boom, boom, boom?
17:06🔗
Drew
See, until it comes a little north, the accordion doesn't kick in. That's called Norteño, which is north. So it's a little of that northern influence, the Yankee influence of the Mexicans. So when it was just pure...
17:18🔗
Caller
So that heavy accordion influence from San Diego swept down into Mexico. Yeah, exactly.
17:54🔗
Drew
You want me to tell you what's the creepiest thing? To go to a Mexican wedding in East LA., OK? And to feel so far removed that when they play, like, they're playing kind of normal, regular music and nobody's dancing, and then one of those songs comes out and, like, roaches to the floor. It's like, that's the song! And everybody just rushes it, and you're just sitting there going, oh, my God, because I took my wife to one the first time, and she was like, she's white from Oregon.
18:25🔗
Drew
Yeah, she was freaked out, like, what song is this? That's the song that every Mexican cries to at the end. You know, there's that one song, man, and then when mariachis are playing, everybody's having a good time, and then they hit that one song, I love her, I don't know why, and everybody just starts crying.
18:41🔗
Adam
Well, there's been a lot of love and a lot of loss in that culture. For white people, it's Mony Mony. When we hear that Mony Mony, everyone hits the dance floor. That's where we freak out, like, what the hell are these people doing? The song sucks. Mony Mony. Yeah, maybe Billy Idol. All right, let's take a couple of calls. All right, let's take some calls. Stacey?
19:14🔗
Yeah, I've always been.
19:16🔗
Caller
So sort of being sexually aroused by women and being sort of having erotic feelings about women does not mean necessarily, I'm going to have sex with a woman.
19:29🔗
Adam
No, I didn't go to college. But you just go ahead and give it four or five years after high school.
19:33🔗
Caller
You do the math. So are you planning to do something? Is your marriage going bad? I mean, you're talking about cheating on a marriage, right?
19:38🔗
Well, my husband is into lesbians.
19:59🔗
What's that?
20:04🔗
I'm in my car.
20:11🔗
Adam
Two kids? You see, I don't know. It's like she wants to do it, he wants to do it, but you got kids and that's going to screw things up.
20:17🔗
Caller
It's going to screw up your relationship. The feelings that will come out of this threesome will be unsettling and destabilizing to your relationship. It ain't worth it. You got to have, you know, maybe when the kids are in college, you guys want to goof around. Whatever.
21:12🔗
Caller
Here's the deal. What you relinquish that right to kind of goof around with your relationship when you had kids. You've got job one now, which is to keep a stable family on behalf of those children. They will know that there's a problem if you screw around in a way that destabilizes your relationship. You can't say to yourself, oh, we do this thing that our kids don't know, we're the perfect parents. Nonsense. Just contain this stuff. Don't act it out.
21:39🔗
Adam
Right. It's going to be disappointing. Here's the thing. I was just thinking about it, which is being a parent is like enlisting in the military, except for you got an 18-year tour, possibly more. But the deal is, when people get killed on the battlefield, I wish they didn't get killed, but I don't feel sorry for them in the sense that they enlisted, they trained, they knew the job was dangerous when they took it. They were probably hoping they'd be in Germany and do a good four years and then get some good medical benefits in the GI Bill and get the hell out of there. But as it turns out, war happened to break out, whatever. I feel the same way when you have kids. When you have kids, I don't care if you're 22, you're 19, or you're 35, it's like, okay, now-
22:28🔗
Adam
Tour of Duty begins. It's like, now you're two years in the army and you're going, I don't like this anymore. I want to grow my hair out. I want to party. I want to have good times. Sorry, you signed up and that's now you're in. And same way with parenting, and by the way, before you go in the army or before you want to be a parent, do whatever you want. I'm not going to tell you what to do. But you now sign the contract, you're in, you made a promise, and now you got to see it through.
22:53🔗
Drew
Plus she said that she had these feelings for a long time, so you should have done this in the beginning of the relationship when it was all crazy.
23:18🔗
Drew
No. Oregon? She's from Oregon. But she was like, I met her here in LA, she's from Oregon.
23:31🔗
Drew
No, I didn't meet her. She didn't know. I met her as a civilian, not a comedian, and then she found out I was a comedian.
23:37🔗
Adam
They say that. I saw this thing where Karl Malone's wife said, I actually thought he was a mailman because people call him the mailman.
23:54🔗
Drew
If he was one of the black guys on an all-black team, I couldn't understand, but when he was the only black guy on the whitest team, please come on.
24:03🔗
Adam
Imagine him being in Utah too. It's like another black guy wanted to enter Utah. Sorry, we already got a black guy.
24:10🔗
Adam
He's got a road game coming up that he's going to be gone for three days. You want to come in, we'll give you a temporary visa.
24:20🔗
Adam
Kathy, it's funny. You know what's funny about Carl Malone too? He is simultaneously the blackest man ever put on earth and the whitest black man ever put on earth. He is the biggest, most muscular, just sort of basketball playing, hard driving, dunking. Everything, like a Jewish guy. But then he likes trucking and he likes shooting squirrels. You know what I mean? Like there's this crazy sort of hillbilly stuff mixed in with this crazy sort of Nubian warrior. I think it's a reason.
24:57🔗
Drew
Well, you have to be. If you're playing in Salt Lake for like 18 years or something, you gotta come on.
25:03🔗
Adam
That kid's got range. That's all I'm saying about Malone. Into 18 wheelers and squirrels and dunking. You know what I mean?
25:20🔗
Yeah.
25:21🔗
Carlos Mencia
We were over here getting a little drunk and they got a little crazy on my front porch and just started to go to town.
25:31🔗
Yeah.
25:38🔗
Carlos Mencia
I mean, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whether to watch or to walk away.
25:55🔗
Adam
Fair enough. Hold on. I'm picturing what went on. I'm going to picture what went on. You stepped out to your veranda and saw from across the sprawling estate, them walking down their long paved driveway across the fountain, across the putting green, in front of the huge gilded gates that then opened, and as they strolled across the archways, the archways, they strolled across the archway onto your sprawling villa, over the pool, over the croquet set, over the miniature pony collection you have running wild.
26:32🔗
Adam
Right? Or basically, it just climbed over some chicken wire and started humping against the side of your house.
26:38🔗
Carlos Mencia
Yeah, well, you know, like I said, they were over here partying with us, and stuff got a little freaky, so.
26:47🔗
Carlos Mencia
Just, I don't know what to do, you know? I didn't know whether to look, and I looked, and it pretty much turned me on, and I want both of them. So, and I'm married for seven years with two kids.
27:04🔗
Adam
All right. Just hold on a second. Carlos Mencia is here, Mine of Mencia. Name of the show, Wednesday Nights, 10.30 on Comedy Central. We'll take a quick break right back after this.
27:18🔗
Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.
27:23🔗
1-800-LOVE-191.
27:25🔗
Caller
Loveline is brought to you by the American Legacy Foundation. It's free, it's informative, it's powerful, it's truth.
27:53🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Carlos Mencia is here tonight. The Mind of Mencia is the name of the show. Wednesday nights, 10.30 on Comedy Central. Oh, four. Just thought about it. I want you guys to know what a loser I am. I was talking to Carlos and Drew during the break. I've had motorcycles towed. Most people could live a thousand lives, they wouldn't have one motorcycle towed. I've had motorcycles towed four times.
28:27🔗
Adam
Well, one time I was arrested. So I was actually didn't have to walk home, I got to ride in the car with the guy with the badge. That was one time. The other two times walked home, and then the fourth time lent my roommate my motorcycle and he got it toed. Still technically my bike was toed four times. Awesome, right? Well done.
28:51🔗
Adam
He let me ride in the front seat. I remember that. No, this is a awesome story, which was I had warrants out for me for like parking tickets and stuff. I was 19 and I was riding a motorcycle, and I went out to dinner with my mom on Sunday night, or better yet, went over to her house to eat crappy spaghetti, and I said, yeah, I got these warrants out. If I get pulled over, I'm going to get arrested. I think I was hoping for a little sympathy, but maybe I had a little too much pride to ask for the 563 bucks it was going to take to get the warrant off the record. So I was like, you know, mom, if your son gets pulled over, he's going in. He's going in the house, big house. And she was like, oh, oh, oh, okay. Well, you're going to want to take Valley Vista Street because that runs parallel to Ventura. But you can stay off the Main Boulevard. So that was her basically tip, not a dime. But here's the tip is God is my goddamn witness. That was eight o'clock Sunday night, eight thirty. Monday morning, I'm driving down Valley Vista, going to work on my mom's on to some runs parallel with Ventura. No stop signs up rollers pulled over, pulled over the following morning. Had not been 12 hours. You understand, pulled over. I was like, what the? He's like, yeah, we had a lot of burglaries in this area, you know, the residential area. So we start patrolling and decide to get you instead. And then pulled me over, rang me up, get in the car, tow the bike. I'm going to North Hollywood Police Department. Got fired from the travel agency.
30:23🔗
Drew
That's hilarious. Your mom's nice, though. At least she gave you the other option. My mom would have told me, you know, that's what you get. And I hope they pull you over and she would have called the cops as soon as I left the house to tell them to pull me over.
30:41🔗
Adam
It's a goat sucker. By the way, Chupacabra sounds great to us because we don't speak Spanish, but when you realize the translation...
30:57🔗
Adam
I know, but still, where's a little creative flair? A little flavor? Yeah, a little flavor. OK, it was sucking.
31:06🔗
Adam
Yeah, I'm just saying, like, there's a lot of things, like a toilet gathers ass, but we don't call it the ass gatherer. You know what I mean? I understand.
31:15🔗
Adam
And it was sucking blood, but you're just giving it a name. You know what I mean? I'm with you. You know what I mean? You know, Devil's Reign or something, you know, bat, bat, you know, four-legged bat or something.
31:26🔗
Drew
It happened in the country, though. You know what I'm saying? So, take, pretend they're Hispanic rednecks and put that into the equation.
31:45🔗
Drew
So when the helicopters came in and said, what the hell's going on? You know, the goat sucker, you know what I mean? That's exactly what happened.
31:51🔗
Adam
After they got done throwing rocks at the helicopter, they call it the goat sucker. They call that the mechanical frisbee. Kathy?
32:45🔗
Adam
Yeah. Your husband probably has… Your husband sounds like his instincts are a little bit better than yours in the same department.
33:08🔗
He's a cop.
33:11🔗
Adam
Oh, that's its own set of trouble. You know what I mean? Cops are some of the scariest guys at home.
33:27🔗
Yeah.
33:45🔗
Adam
Yeah, I know. But they're in sleepwalking when they get up and they know they have out of control. Mama. You understand?
33:52🔗
Adam
It's funny. It'd be funny if it was funny, but it's funny. I mean, it's funny to us, but it's your kids. Come on.
34:02🔗
Adam
Oh, great. Let's just put them in prison now. Would you do that, please? Save some of the paperwork, cut out the middle man.
34:26🔗
All right.
34:29🔗
No.
34:32🔗
Caller
Physical and emotional abuse will send you reeling, unless you're Mexican or African-American.
34:41🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. Sexual abuse. It's like, if you don't get sexual abuse, like what? Grandpa, you're not attracted to me? You get a steam issue. Yeah. You need sexual abuse, Drew. Come on. Kathy. Yes.
35:14🔗
Adam
That's horrible. All right. But wow. All right, baby. That's bad times. You know, the construction, packing a roofer, that's the worst.
35:25🔗
Adam
Closest to God. But the worst guy out there is the roofer. But sheetrock is like second. And then there's the heating and air guys and framing. Framing carpenters are bad. It gets down. Eventually you get to the guy who does like the solid oak hand railing and he's fine. Right. You get into the craftsman stuff, it's fine.
35:46🔗
Adam
Electricians are fine too. The worst are roofers and then welders. Number two, we had a guy welding on an earthquake job we did once. Used to drive out from Riverside, told me during lunch that he would put pop rocks in his wife's vagina. Yeah. Then would gobble that up. This guy was like missing teeth and had that scraggly beard. I was like, I'm trying to hold down a breakfast burrito. The love of Christ.
36:19🔗
Adam
Yeah. Believe me, I'm an atheist who's swinging a hammer. I have almost no sensibilities to offend, but I was like, and I could only imagine what he was married to. You know what I mean? Welders. You know welders are dirtbags, they're biker dirtbags. Roofers are just sort of burnt out migrant felons, but these guys are serious dirtbags. Yeah. All right. Drywallers, I think so because roofer welder drywaller. Probably welder roofer drywaller.
37:00🔗
Adam
If you hung sheetrock, that's all in me. Yeah, we got this. Give me those inch and a quarter coarse red bugle head drywall screws. And give me the still. So give me a hawk.
37:14🔗
We'll go ahead and put the joint compound first and then we'll put the topping on.
37:22🔗
Adam
We'll go ahead and use the mesh tape and solid stuff. You got a screen or you're going to float that out without a screen? That's it.
37:28🔗
That's all it's there.
37:30🔗
Adam
Let it get surreal. Like what happened? What are you doing this week? I got to go to my nephew's funeral. Yeah, he was nine. The Hodgkin's lymphoma. Yeah, it was pretty, pretty sad stuff. Yeah, my sister's pretty broken up about it. Yeah, I got smaller coffin. No, they don't do a full size one.
37:56🔗
Adam
Wife divorced me and took the kids, cleaned out the bank account. I tried to OD on Nyquil last night.
38:04🔗
Drew
I like that the song slows down and you're like, it's over. And then the beat of the next song. Can somebody write a different beat to this god damn song?
38:16🔗
Adam
Oh, so surreal. You try to block it out. You just try to block it out, but eventually creeps back in. Carlos Mencia is here tonight. The Mind of Mencia, name of the show on Wednesday nights, 10.30, Comedy Central. We'll take a quick break, be right back after this.
38:43🔗
Adam
Heat things up with new Durex warming condoms. There's sex, and then there's Durex. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Carlos Mencia is here tonight, mine of Mencia, and is the name of the show. I'm looking at something and I thought I saw his mother is Honduran and his father is German. But then it means- Thus.
40:05🔗
Drew
I came here when I was like seven months old. You know what I mean? So my mom and dad would always have a fight as to like, you're Honduran and my mom was like, you're Mexican and they'd be pissed. And then all the kids in East LA would call me the wetter wetback when I was a kid, because I was from farther, I swear to God.
40:33🔗
Adam
Yeah, we, you know, it's weird is, you know, white guys, I only have so many, so much room. Like I didn't know that, I really didn't know the difference between Japanese and Chinese until I was like 37. I really, it was just, yeah, you're, well, you're all Japanese until Peruvian and you're all Mexican and you're all white and you're all black. Like I just don't have, I didn't have enough categories in my brain to sort it all out. And I couldn't do, I certainly couldn't do the whole sort of Central America and South America. I couldn't get all that sorted out. I still have trouble with it.
41:08🔗
Drew
And you and I could like take a drive around LA and you can just point out people and I'll pretty much tell you almost to the country where they're from if they're Hispanic.
41:20🔗
Drew
I got to tell you, you know, based on the height and the pigmentation of the skin, I could pretty much tell you like what kind of Indians they are.
41:26🔗
Adam
That's interesting. I should bring, I got a Nicaraguan guy. I should, well, I probably shouldn't have told you. Yeah. He don't like it when people call him Mexican.
41:38🔗
Drew
You know what sucks, dude, is like that's why I love talking about race because you realize that racism is just arbitrary. Yeah. Like in the Hispanic culture, there's a hierarchy. If you're Spanish, you're at the top. Then it's either Puerto Rican, Cuban, or in the actual Hispanic community, it's Argentina. Yeah. Then it's Mexico, and then South America.
42:20🔗
Drew
Cubans and Puerto Ricans, Brazilians aren't really included in that mix because they speak Portuguese. Right. So they're not really like, nobody really, you know, and they're separate. Yeah. And since soccer is this big thing and they're the world's greatest power in soccer, everybody just kind of like, oh, you guys rock and that's it, you know. Oh, you're women. You're beautiful. That's about it. But like somebody from Argentina is pretty white country. If you go there, it's like they, unlike the majority of the people that came to this country from Europe, they didn't have sex with the locals. So the white people are still white.
43:01🔗
Drew
Spaniards, you got to say they weren't racist. They didn't kill the Indians. They just banged us until we lost our features, dude. You know what I mean? They banged us out of existence pretty much.
43:19🔗
Drew
You know what I'm saying? It's funny how, like here in this country, because Puerto Ricans are born citizens, they're at the top.
43:35🔗
Drew
Exactly. They come from political asylum. Then Mexicans, they come because they have to when they're poor. But then Mexicans look back at the people from Central America and go, sorry, dude, but you're the caboose of this train.
43:59🔗
Drew
No. We're just talking about Panama is not included. Not included? No. Panama is not included. Because they got the channel. Yeah. They got the canal.
44:08🔗
Drew
Because they got the canal, they're off. So it starts Costa Rica. It's Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Honduras.
44:30🔗
Adam
We think you're somewhere in Europe or Africa or somewhere. So keep moving, Belize. We don't know who you are.
44:36🔗
Drew
The creepy thing is they have no sense of geography. Like growing up, four times growing up, four times growing up, a kid would walk up to me and he would go with another kid and he'd look at me and he'd go, hey, why don't you tell him where you're from? Watch. Then he'd tell the kid, watch this. I was born in Honduras. Then he'd look at the other kid and go, I told you he's Cambodian.
45:03🔗
Adam
What is that? Well, here's the thing. First off, welcome to the LA Unified School District because I'm a product of that mess too. There was no emphasis put on geography at all. A little bit of math, a little bit of history, a little bit of English, and some drivers said I was a ceramics major. Thank Christ, because it is paying off at Spades now. But I didn't have geography and they really didn't break it down at all unless possibly some sort of civil war broke out. You might talk about it in that town or that land, but we didn't travel around too much. There's a map that's hung behind the teacher. That was about, they never pointed at it. So, for me, we never talked about it. I think it's one of the things that sort of got left behind in the educational. I think somebody thought geography is not math, it's not English, it's not biology. Therefore, it's the sunroof on the educational car. Not necessary. It's not a steering wheel. It's not an engine. If the kid knows where Honduras is, fantastic. If not, he can still get a gig. If he can spell his name and add 2 and 2.
46:16🔗
Caller
Americans didn't perceive themselves, they were isolated, they didn't perceive themselves as part of a world community.
46:20🔗
Adam
Right. As Americans, we're like, you know how stupid celebrity chicks are, like hot celebrity chicks? Right. You start asking, one of these hot chicks, anything about World War II or something, have no idea about it. We're sort of the celebrity country, like, look, we don't need to know about you. You should be reading about us.
46:40🔗
Adam
We're the hot chick. Yeah, we got to blow Canada while Mexico films it. We don't have time for this stuff. We're the hot chick country. We're not going to read books. We're partying. That is what we are on the beach. Yeah. You guys learn about us. But it's the same thing. It's like we don't have to learn. You know, Paris Hilton doesn't have to find out who we are. We need to find out who she is. I think that's what it is. All right. Carlos Mencia here. We'll take, I agree with that, by the way. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Carlos Mencia is here with us. The Mind of Mencia, name of the show, which is Wednesday nights on Comedy Central, 10.30. I want to talk to, line two, Chelsea. Let's talk to Chelsea. Chelsea?
48:28🔗
Caller
This is so awesome. I've been listening to you guys for years. I want to thank you so much for all the great advice over the years too.
48:45🔗
Caller
Yeah. Okay. So here's the thing. I have a boyfriend. We've been together for about four months. I live in Europe most of the time. He's English and I'm American.
49:10🔗
Caller
Prince William, I beg your pardon. I've actually been at the first golf course in the world is at the foot of the of the St. Andrews University and there's an institution there.
49:30🔗
Caller
There's a club there where they set all the rules for golf. All the rules are set in this little club.
50:10🔗
Caller
Well, those things over there, because the university is so old, they classify modern history as anything after 1500.
50:24🔗
Caller
The question is, we've been together for four months, we have a great relationship, it's a very sexual relationship, and I really love this one.
50:45🔗
Caller
Okay. So we have very gentle, consensual sex. We communicate a lot, and we both know what each other likes. But the thing is, I would actually like to try some violent role playing. It's just something I'm interested in, and I like to read erotic literature, and that's usually the kind I go for. And I don't know how to introduce this to them without freaking them out a little bit.
51:21🔗
Caller
Right. So do you sort of feel like sex is bad, and when you're out of control, you can sort of express yourself more freely?
51:32🔗
Adam
I like a scene out of a 60s sitcom where you agree on the rape fantasy, and the guy says, okay, I'll leave and come in through the window for the five minutes. Of course, he's got the ski mask on, but it's a real rapist. Yeah, exactly, in the movie. He's like, rape, that's good, honey.
51:54🔗
Adam
He's still standing out there reading a letter. And of course, she's throwing the guy around until she finds out he's real rapist, and then she freaks out.
52:10🔗
Caller
Bluebird. Sidebar this for a second, though. How many males would freak out if their partner who they were having sex with and they've been in a relationship with asked for this? How many out of 10 would freak out?
52:36🔗
Adam
I said, yeah, he'd be like, finally. But here's the thing. For me, I would say that if you just were into this literature and wanted to try something different, that's fine. If your stepdad raped the crap out of you for 11 years, then I don't want to participate. Well, we'll find out.
53:13🔗
Caller
But the thing with my dad is that he lived with me and my mom at home until I was 16. When I was 16, I went to live in Norway for a year. So I was gone for a solid year. Wow. During that year, he moved out. When I left, it was a normal mother, father, child household. When I came back, everyone had already gotten used to him being gone. I came back to a single parent household. I agree with everyone that it's a better situation with him gone, but he wants to have a relationship with me and I can't stand to be around him. He gives me the creeps.
53:51🔗
Caller
It's anger. The thing is too, I had 16 years of memories and the thing is, I can't really remember him being at home.
54:11🔗
Caller
You got to get some therapy Chelsea. I'm in therapy right now. All right. That's good. You're fine. Go enjoy.
54:18🔗
Adam
It's kind of a slag. He doesn't pay for anything. You're just sort of independently wealthy, just traveling to Europe, going to university.
54:25🔗
Caller
Well, I must have debt in my eyeballs. My mother is helping me, but the other big thing is he won't help me at all with university. He won't help with any of the costs.
54:36🔗
Caller
I had a conversation with him about this just a few days ago, and he said, I don't see why you think it's the responsibility of mine to help you.
54:43🔗
Adam
Yeah. Let me float a couple of theories. First off, a lot of guys are creepy, and a lot of chicks who are intelligent and have decent antennas just pick up on it, and sometimes it turns out to be their dad. They're like 18, 19, 25, and they're just looking at their dad like it's some dude who's sitting next to him at a bar and they're like, ugh.
55:02🔗
Caller
On the other hand, she has this very deep rage for him, and this tied up scenario gives her a chance to break that out a bit. May not be a bad thing and may be okay. She's in therapy, she should work on something. That's fine. I think that one or two guys out of ten will freak out about this, and they will tend to be the more macho guys, I would bet. Probably. So the Englishman, he's going to be fine with this.
55:33🔗
Adam
Well, we substitute Van Nuys for Norway. It's like the same life, and now she's in university in Scotland. I was cleaning carpets at 21.
55:50🔗
Adam
Yeah, the point is so many similarities. I feel like we're kindred spirits over here. Oh my God. By the way, here's the other thing. Listen, cry me a river, honey. I could show you a crappy childhood. Believe you me, it wasn't yours. Carlos probably could do 10 hours on his crappy childhood. You want to know what crappy childhood is?
56:16🔗
Drew
No, I am weird, but I can't believe I'm not killing hookers and doing weird stuff like that, because my parents were really, really, I mean, let me see.
56:34🔗
Drew
Well, I did something wrong. Yeah, I did a lot of things wrong. But don't get me wrong, dude, I mean, I was crazy. She tried to stab you. Yeah, she went, I jumped out, you got me in the arm and stuff.
56:56🔗
Adam
Well, the night is young, number one. Wow. Yeah, listen, here's what I have to say about this, too. You can't do all sorts of weird things to your kids and expect them not to do some weird things to their wives, their husbands, their bosses, and the guy sitting next to them on a bus. It just can't.
57:18🔗
Adam
It just can't. As long as we're getting racial here, I'll leave the Mexicans out of this.
57:25🔗
Adam
I've done enough on them. I'm moving on to the blacks. The blacks, the black mamas, the black mamas cannot expect to beat the crap out of their kids constantly and not have a lion's share of them end up in the joint for beating the crap out of somebody else. That's the way it goes.
57:43🔗
Drew
Well, maybe that's why a lot of those rap songs are really angry toward women. You know what I'm saying?
57:51🔗
Caller
The hard part, though, is when kids are abused like that, they idealize the parent because their rage is so intense, they idealize them for giving them what they needed and all this kind of stuff as opposed to dealing with the reality of how horrible that felt, they idealize that parent, protect them, so you can't have any conversation about what happened.
58:09🔗
Adam
Right, here's the thing. If your mom beat the crap out of you, you don't have to buy her house if you make the... You start as a receiver on the Broncos.
58:18🔗
Adam
It's get her a used car or something, but you don't have to be that good, or you don't have to idealize her.
58:23🔗
Caller
The only place I've seen that dealt with really honestly and reasonably effectively is in Antoine Fisher. You ever saw that movie?
58:32🔗
Caller
Yeah, he goes, Denzel Washington says, this is a direct result of how the slaves were treated, and here's how it's transmitted through family systems, here's a book on it, show you how it works, and it wasn't your fault, and this is why you are the way you are. Just very direct, and then they go into the stories and all the sexual abuse and stuff this kid suffered.
58:48🔗
Adam
Yeah, just listen, you beat the crap out of your son, he's going to be beating on somebody and eventually end up in the joint, and you beat the crap out of your daughter, she's just going to be stripping and doing porn films. That's basically how that ends up. Once in a while, the guy makes the team or does something, but that's the exception, not the rule. Stop beating on your kids, everybody.
59:13🔗
Adam
Yeah, and then eventually, it puts together a pretty good run for about 50 years and then pow.
59:21🔗
Drew
But in any extreme behavior, you know what I mean? It's like, I mean, Asians get great grades, but their parents put so much pressure on them, they have like this unbelievable suicide rate. Right. Is it worth the GPA? You know what I'm saying?
59:33🔗
Caller
Which is, again, that aggression goes somewhere in that culture, they can take it on themselves.
59:44🔗
Drew
I come from the Hispanic culture where we blame everything on the white man, yet 99% of us are stabbed by some dude named Raul.
59:53🔗
Drew
The white man and the white man and the white man, I'm going to shoot Pedro. It's like, what? Shoot the white guy. I thought you didn't like the white guy. He lives far.
1:00:03🔗
Adam
Yeah, they have a limited range. That's what I like about them, is people are not rangey.
1:00:13🔗
Adam
They jump off the bell tower if they get a B. I love that. I love any group that takes it out on themselves. I really do. I just love it when they're hard on themselves. All right, I'm trying to think what the Jews, Drew, do. I think that they do.
1:00:34🔗
Drew
Yeah, but there's also that guilt, dude, that Jewish Catholic guilt. Oh, my mom who had 18 kids was the best at it. She was the best at it.
1:00:45🔗
Adam
By the way, how does she keep track? Like, wait a minute, did I, Miho, did I stab you last? Well, who needs a stabbing? Show of hands.
1:00:51🔗
Drew
You know how many times my mom would go, my mom would go, Albert, Manuel, you, Effer, come here. I was known as Effer. Like 10 years out of the 18 that I lived at home, I was Effer because my mom just gave up. She was just like, you, Effer, come here. I'm not even going to try.
1:01:14🔗
Adam
18 kids. Look, I have one sister. I got to kick her over a few bucks every once in a while. I got a mom, I got to kick her over a few bucks. Every one of my family is basically a loser. I have to pay. My dad, he wants to fly to Philadelphia. I got to pay for the ticket. I couldn't imagine that times 18. I mean, I'm guessing they're not all attorneys and doctors, right?
1:01:38🔗
Drew
No, of course not. There's a couple that are doing their own thing and then, you know.
1:01:48🔗
Drew
All the time. And it gets embarrassing because sometimes, honestly, they're my family. And I mean, look, whether I understand it or not or I agree, I feel like I got to help them out to a certain point, as long as I feel like I'm not enabling them. But they like highball me, you know what I mean? Like sometimes they'll be like, I want 500 bucks. I'm not going to give you 500 bucks. I'll give you 100 bucks and help you out, but I'm not going to dig you out of the hole, but I'll help you, you know what I mean?
1:02:14🔗
Drew
And then I'll call my mom a week later and she'll be like, did you give your sister the 50 bucks she wanted?
1:02:21🔗
Drew
I thought I was, you know what I mean? Or else my sister will call and say, I need 200 bucks, and I'll give her 200 bucks. And then a week later she's like, you know what? I didn't want to ask you for three, but I needed three. I thought I could come up with it, but I can't. I need another 100. So I'll give her 100. Then like a week later, her son will call me up.
1:02:39🔗
Drew
But he won't ask for sneakers or a video game. He'll be like, hey uncle, Carlos, can I have $226.38? And I'm like, all right, put your mom on the phone. That's a payment of some kind, dude. No kid asks for cents.
1:02:58🔗
Drew
It's like mail order, money order. So I get like all those kind of phone calls. There are times when I'll pick up the phone and I'll go, who is this? And it's like, you know, my sister Olga, I love you sweetie. Really? I'm really, really busy. How much do you want? How much you need? Just let me know how much you need. And that's cool. You know, it's not fair that you just think, I love you and I want to see how everything's going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, 20 minutes later. But can you lend me? Oh, I told you I didn't have time for this. Just ask for the money right up. God damn. You know, then I don't want to give it to them because they're pissing me off. You know what I mean?
1:03:37🔗
Adam
And believe me, it doesn't win you any popularity contests either. They just sort of resent you.
1:03:45🔗
Drew
Oh yeah. Because here's what happens. You give them and then you give them. And then the day you don't, it's not thank you for everything that you've done for me.
1:04:09🔗
Adam
I mean, you can't bring up whatever the last five times they borrowed money from you. If they're going for the sixth time. Yeah, borrowed.
1:04:18🔗
Drew
Yeah, my brother Joseph, he's awesome. Cause he's straight up. He doesn't ask to borrow. He's like, give me. And I go, you mean borrow? And he goes, you want to call it borrow? Or you want me to tell you what it really is?
1:04:39🔗
Adam
He's seven. Here's the thing too. When they just ask you for it, at least you get a thank you. If they do the borrow, it's implied that they're going to pay it back so you never really get the thanks and then they never pay it back. It's giving without the thank you.
1:04:55🔗
Drew
You don't get the credit for giving and if you ever ask to get it paid back, that conversation is the worst. If that's not the case, then all of a sudden you have barbecues over the weekend and half your family's missing because they found out that you're coming and they're embarrassed to show up because they owe you money. And it's like, this sucks, it's horrible.
1:05:17🔗
Adam
You know your family, I'll tell you what your family's like with the borrowing of money. It's the same way chicks are with the buying of jewelry, which is how much can you absorb? How much does it hurt? If you're struggling and you're working as a short order cook at Denny's, and you go out by your lady at $1,200 engagement ring, it is like, oh my god, this is the most, you know, guys make it eight bucks an hour, he saved up 10 paychecks for this, scrimped and saved $1,200 cubic zirconia. This is love. Now, if you're Kobe Bryant, and you buy your old lady a $1,200 ring, she's PO'd. She's gonna put it in a wrist rock and fire it up your ass. That's basically what she's gonna do. So the point is, is do women like jewelry? No, it's gotta hurt and they like it. It's not that $1,200 ring doesn't mean ass to the wife of a successful attorney who can afford it. So let me just say this. As far as the money goes with the lending and the family and that kind of stuff, when you're scrimping and you're swinging a hammer and I wasn't doing anything, and someone needed 100 bucks, it was like, thank you, because it means a lot. Now, 1,002 grand, can you absorb it? What's it mean to you? And my whole thing is don't worry about how much it hurts me, worry about how much you need it. That's the whole thing. And if the perception is like, hey, if you got 100 bucks from Donald Trump, a big deal, you can take it. And that's what the perception is.
1:06:45🔗
Drew
So I don't even mind that as much as this is what I get. I get the, lend me money, you work too hard. You should stop working. You need to take vacations. By the way, can I borrow 5 grand? I'm like, well, how do you think I'm going to get 5 grand if I don't work? I work extra days to support your asses.
1:07:08🔗
Drew
You know what? She's great now, but she's not, Joel, you can ask her. When we first started dating, the dynamic, like her dynamic, her family is like, listen, my money's my money, her money's her money, their money's my money.
1:07:21🔗
Drew
And we, you know, if we borrow, we borrow and we must pay it back. And when I told my wife, look, I know this is sick, but I grew up with my mom, you know, look, God, God gave you so much so that you could give, God gives to those who are carrying and all this kind of stuff.
1:07:37🔗
Drew
Exactly. And all this stuff. So like when my, you know, after like the fifth time my sister asked for money and they didn't pay it back, my wife is like, what the hell is wrong with these people?
1:07:48🔗
Drew
Yeah. You got to be kidding me. These people, no, they're taking advantage of you. This is sick. This is ridiculous. You need to go to therapy. They need to go to therapy. Say no. You know, now she's like, capitulated. No, she still doesn't. But she, instead of like getting mad at me, she gives me the, was that your sister again? When are you going to learn? I won't say anything. I won't say, you know what I mean? And I'm just, but then here's what happens. When I put my foot down, right. And I say, look, I'm not going to lend you money. I've done too much. I'm sorry. We could count. It has never been over a minute. Ring, my mom, I can't believe that you didn't help your sister. Damn.
1:08:36🔗
Drew
And she starts bringing up, Jesus Christ. You can't bring, you can't pull Jesus out on the money issue.
1:08:51🔗
Drew
And I'm the lottery. You got to understand that. What I realized was doing a little studying. You know, these, my parents and people like my parents had so many kids because we grew up, like I lived in Honduras for a while. And living there, I realized that kids are not just kids.
1:09:09🔗
Drew
Yeah. And at about 10 or 11, they become workers in the family. They start doing all the chores and going out. And they're actually a lottery ticket because you get 10 kids, the chances of one of them doing really well are pretty good.
1:09:25🔗
Yeah.
1:09:31🔗
Adam
And by the way, their definition of hitting is not making a million bucks a year. That's just having a steady paycheck and being able to bring a little insurance or something.
1:09:47🔗
Drew
Right. But now it's like it's a different level, man. And it's that whole diamond thing where as to 10 years ago.
1:09:58🔗
Adam
Now, when you got to Comedy Central, they just put two zeros behind every number that they used to think of when they thought about borrowing money from you.
1:10:05🔗
Drew
Yeah. It gets more and more and more. I almost made my brother cry because I had to lend him $18,000. And he almost cried.
1:10:16🔗
Drew
Almost. He teared. Weld up, but like nothing actually came out of the eye. And I was like, how much do I got to do to get the tears rolling?
1:10:38🔗
Adam
Awesome. All right. We're going to take a little break. Carlos Mencia is here. Wow. Seventeen brothers and sisters. We'll take a quick break and be right back after this.
1:10:51🔗
Caller
Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. You can see model actress Diora Baird in this summer's hottest comedy Wedding Crasher, or you can see all of Diora Baird inside the August Playboy on Newsstands Now.
1:11:22🔗
Adam
Good friends of System of a Down. I guess John from System of a Down is going to be in here in a week or so.
1:11:29🔗
Adam
Carlos Mencia here tonight, the mind of Mencia. Heard spectacular things about it, and I actually went to TiVo it tonight, but I couldn't find it.
1:11:43🔗
Adam
I know. I know, but Comedy Central reruns things at four in the morning and stuff like that. I thought, I'll catch the first one.
1:11:51🔗
Adam
But I went ahead a couple of days and I just did the next, the one that's Wednesday night at 10.30. They do crazy things. You know what's crazy? They don't reruns of The Man Show, which is a weird thing. I always wondered about that.
1:12:07🔗
Adam
They run everything. I mean, they run tons of stuff, which makes sense. I never did ask about that.
1:12:20🔗
Drew
Oh, that's why. Because now they try to produce everything so that they can run it as many times as humanly possible.
1:12:34🔗
Hi.
1:12:40🔗
Caller
I have a question for Dr. Drew. I wanted to know if you've heard of a pill called RU21. It's a pill that prevents you from getting a hangover no matter how drunk you get. I've been hearing about it for a while and I have a recent article about it that a doctor wrote in the health section of my local paper just talking about what he heard and what he's seen.
1:13:00🔗
Caller
Now he's been abused. Well, it says, okay, I'll read you. The science that it says that it enhances the body's capacity to break down alcohol and prevent the buildup of acetaldehyde. Yeah. I don't know if I said it.
1:13:14🔗
Caller
But the hangover is not just from acetaldehyde though. So the whole premise is faulty.
1:13:20🔗
Adam
First off, I'm just going, it doesn't work like pills to make your boobs bigger or your dork fatter. Nothing works. No pill works for anything, really.
1:13:27🔗
Caller
There is some toxic effect of acetaldehyde. So it's something that must enhance the effect of something called acetaldehyde dehydrogenase, which is something that actually women lack in their stomach, and it increases the risk of liver disease and various things like that. But in terms of it actually causing hangover, most of the theory about hangover is that it's withdrawal from the alcohol itself. No, no. So there may be a little something to this. It's not complete fantasy.
1:13:58🔗
Caller
Precisely, because you're in withdrawal, and so you end the withdrawal by taking the alcohol back.
1:14:04🔗
Caller
It's all good. You get dehydrated from the alcohol a bit, you get some electrolyte changes too, and so that's all helpful.
1:14:09🔗
Caller
But the thing that really actually in reality would block a alcohol hangover is something called a benzodiazepine, a valium-like drug, which is what we use to detox people in alcohol.
1:14:35🔗
Caller
Oh, no. Actually, I'm a psychology student and I'm interested in addiction and we've been kind of in, and so when I saw the article, I've been hearing about it but I didn't really know what it was.
1:14:46🔗
Caller
That will not have an effect on the addictive process. The addiction is a disorder of the medial forebrain bundle. Extended amygdala, check the neurobiology of that. That's where this disease occurs.
1:14:56🔗
Adam
Let me ask Drew, what is, you've been out drinking and I'm going to add to my list of blowhards. What is my blowhard list? There's things that blowhard a-holes say constantly and no one ever calls them on it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, the guys who go, I believe everything happens for a reason. And I was just like, yeah, she's right about that. Like, what? That's not an answer. But the guy who does the, there's no straight lines in nature. That's the designer guy. And then there's the gay guy in Oprah saying, dogs are pack animals. You know, this is sort of super obvious, idiot guys. The best way to avoid a headache, best way to avoid a hangover, moderation.
1:15:44🔗
Adam
Don't drink. Oh, thanks, genius. Wow. Wow, that's good. That's good. Talk about a tip. Oh, wow. Safest way to travel, stay at home. Thanks, thanks. Oh, best, hold on. Hold on, what else? Oh, they do that one too with the, they do the sure way not to catch a venereal disease.
1:16:07🔗
Adam
Don't have sex. Okay, thank you. So your answer is just don't do anything? Like, what about being injured at the workplace? Don't work? Don't have a job? Like, is it just your answer? Is this divorce? You want to be sure not to get? Don't. Don't get married. Don't get married. Just don't do whatever it was going to do. How about die of pulmonary disease? Never be born? That's your plan? You idiot? You're an expert at what? Blowing hard? What is your field of expertise besides blowing hard? Jesus Christ, we buy so much of that. It drives me insane. It drives me to the diet, guys. You want to lose weight? I'll tell you what you got to do. You got to exercise more. You got to eat less. You got to breathe.
1:16:52🔗
Adam
Yeah, now she's breathing in a straitjacket while a guy chases her around with a butterfly net. Please, all these retarded idiots. And they just sit there and they're like, I'll tell you what, you ain't no shortcuts. You tell you what you got to do. You got to take in less calories. You got to burn more calories. You got to drink water.
1:17:11🔗
Drew
Don't eat potatoes. But eat all the meat that you want. Right, right. It's like, what? Are you kidding me? No pasta, but all the meat I can get? Bacon, hot dogs, all the meat, just no potatoes.
1:17:23🔗
Adam
I'll tell you, you know, the part of the salad, the dressing, that's where the calories are. Oh, you mean the tasteless, just leafy green crap, nothing. It's all the cheesy flavored Roquefort stuff that that's where. Let me write this down. Where have you been, my ho- what a genius this guy is. All right, what was I complaining about, Drew? Oh, yes, the sure way to avoid a hangover. And I fall for it every goddamn New Year's because it's like, oh, New Year's, the news thing is hangover tips. You're far away and the guy comes out, tells you nothing for 10 minutes and then ends up with, and of course, don't drink. Is that's the best? Okay. But I'm drunk now. So what are we going to do about this? And Drew, I want to know, what should you drink Gatorade before you go to bed? Like, it's the end of the night. I know you should have a glass of water in between cocktails, but let's just say it's the end of the night and it's too late. I'm at home, I drank too much. What is my move? Multivitamin.
1:18:25🔗
Caller
Something to settle the acid in your stomach. So like a pepsi would be a good idea because you get a gastritis from the alcohol.
1:18:42🔗
Caller
Yeah, bad for the liver. A couple of Motrin, again, that's bad for the stomach again, but if you take your pepsi, the Motrin might be useful. But yeah, tank up on fluids. That's a good thing.
1:18:58🔗
Drew
What about that whole theory about what oil or something like that to coat your stomach before you drink?
1:19:05🔗
Adam
You're drunk and you want chili fries, but that doesn't mean it does anything, right? But how about putting something in your stomach just other than alcohol? How about having a slice of bread or something?
1:19:15🔗
Caller
It's more the rate. No, that won't do anything. It's more the rate at which you drink. That will affect things.
1:19:21🔗
Adam
All right. Well, one thing I've learned to do is drink over the years. I don't shoot my wand in the eight o'clock hour. I spread it out.
1:19:37🔗
Adam
Ooh. Carlos, this is a game called Germany or Florida, which is people call in, they tell us the bizarre, sick, twisted story that took place in either Germany or Florida.
1:19:48🔗
Adam
That's the birthplace of all bizarre stories is either. It either happened in Germany or it happened in Florida. So it could happen no other place.
1:19:59🔗
Adam
And the thing about like the difference between, you know, the game Germany or Florida, it's not like people can't get shot in Detroit or can't get shot in Chicago, but they don't eat the digits of the person they shot. Right. You know, they don't fry it up in a pan. And they don't do the weird, macabre, bizarre, ritualistic stuff.
1:20:20🔗
Adam
Right. That's Germany or that's Florida. Germany is really the Florida of Europe. I've now figured out. So, John, you tell us the question or tell us a story and we'll decide if it's Germany or Florida. Hi. Hi.
1:20:47🔗
Adam
Yeah. Now, here's the funny part about this whole thing. He's been on hold for 97 minutes and 30 seconds. Almost an hour and a half. He's been on hold. We spoke to him for about 28 seconds before his call was essentially over. But I'll tell you, it's still a hell of a prank.
1:21:11🔗
Adam
John. Shut up. John, here's the thing. You have to have some semblance of an order. There has to be some order here. You know what I mean? Like we ask you how you're doing, and then Schwarzenegger says I'm fine or how are you or don't ask or something like that.
1:21:53🔗
Carlos Mencia
Ever since I was about 14, I found myself sort of becoming attracted to people that were my age, which was probably fine then, but now it's kind of been disturbing me because I'm getting to an age where I probably shouldn't be attracted to people that are younger than me like that. And I want to know if there's anything I can do about it.
1:22:31🔗
Caller
All right. Well, John, here's what sort of helps assess how much you need in dealing with this. Were you sexually abused as a child?
1:22:50🔗
Adam
Oh. All right. So you just have these sort of almost Tourette's sort of thoughts running through your mind as it pertains to young women.
1:23:02🔗
Adam
Look, here's the thing. We're not going to, you know, a lot of people call the show and they say, I had a dream where I was having sex with my dad. You know, you can, I had a dream, by the way, Drew knows I had a dream that my grandmother beat me with my own testicles.
1:23:22🔗
Caller
That's a gnarly dream. They were life-sized and oversized. They're already, they're life-sized.
1:23:32🔗
Drew
That is an awesome dream. I want to hear about the dream. Screw whatever you're about to say, dude.
1:23:41🔗
Caller
By the way, here's a dream. Here's the deal about John though. What concerns about guys that have fantasies like that in this day and age, he's going to cruise around the Internet, he's going to find some pictures that he likes, and he could get some momentum with this. So do not start going down that path, John, because that's where sexual addiction can take off sometimes. Maybe there was some inappropriate sexual abuse or exposure or something when you were younger, you're really not aware of. So be careful not to sort of let this horse out of the barn, as it were.
1:24:09🔗
Adam
And also for everyone who feels like they might have the capacity to spin out with whatever, drugs or pedophilia or bizarre pornography, addictions or whatever it is, don't take that first step. I mean, don't try heroin for the first time if you think that maybe you're on the fence about, you know what I mean? I mean, there is that whole sort of part, it's like that life of crime. It's like don't start with that first little, you know, just little penny, any.
1:24:40🔗
Drew
It really works by the way. I believe that I'm an alcoholic, but I've never ever drank in my life.
1:24:46🔗
Caller
Well, if you're not, you have a predisposition for it. You're not an alcoholic, you just have the potential.
1:24:56🔗
Adam
And I wonder if people, you know, and by the way, when you take a look at any ruined life, it always starts off with some sort of small step into this world. And before you know it, two years goes by and they're immersed in it. Try not to take that first step. If you're someone who has that capacity, me, I don't really have that capacity, so I get to do whatever I want.
1:25:21🔗
Drew
But aren't those the best stories? Like, you know what I mean? Like, if you took them down and shrank them in size, they start off with, you know, when I was 13, I had my first drink.
1:25:29🔗
Drew
And then like three hours later, it's like, so it's me and Donkey and two midgets. Whoa, wait a minute, dude. That's freaky.
1:25:36🔗
Adam
I always like the people who claim they don't know what the drug was. Like, I was at a party and some guy gave me some white powder and told me to suck it up my nose. I didn't know what it was, but I thought this is all, it's like, you never heard a coke? You know what I mean? And by the way, let's just say you didn't know what it was. What the hell were you doing? Like, you know what I mean? The best is, who is it? Bob Evans, who from The Kids' Days in the Picture. You ever see that documentary? He was that big Hollywood producer who's a crazy narcissist.
1:26:10🔗
Adam
Yeah, did Chinatown. The guy was on top of the Hollywood industry for like 25 years and then sort of he's all over the map. But the point is, is The Kids' Days in the Picture was a cool documentary and I guess a cool book and all that stuff. But when he tells the story about how he got into cocaine, it's awesome. He's like, first off, he's like 45 at the time. And he's like, a blonde lady, a 19 year old, attractive lady handed me some powder and a straw and said it'd make me feel good. And I was like, what is this stuff? Well, I'll give it a try, sweetie. Like, wait a minute. No, you're the old producer. You're getting her coked up. Remember?
1:26:53🔗
Adam
Never seen it. Never heard of it. And by the way, she wants to get your shriveled ass into the sack. She's a hot 19 year old. She's not going to coke your ass up, old man. You coke her ass up, which is fine. But don't pretend like, what is this mysterious powder? Really?
1:27:13🔗
Adam
You went all the way through the 60s and 70s in the middle of Hollywood. What is this mysterious powder? It's white form and powder. You've got no idea what it is.
1:27:27🔗
Adam
She rolled up a 20 and asked me to snort some. It felt good. Yeah, that's right. Next thing you know, he gets busted for a kilo of this stuff. And it's like he was buying it for his friend. Yeah, it's awesome. That's what I love about crazy narcissists. Not only do they believe their own ass, I think they expect us to believe it too.
1:27:50🔗
Adam
Awesome. All right, we're going to take a little break. Carlos Mencia here tonight. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Carlos Mencia is here tonight. The Mind of Mencia is the name of the show. Wednesday Nights, Comedy Central. Got good ratings. It's premiere last week on Wednesday, 10.30. That's my impersonation or impression of the Mexican mother who answers to phone when I'm calling to try to get one of my workers on there. Weird, suspicious, hey, is Oswaldo home? Uh, Oswaldo?
1:29:08🔗
Adam
It's always like, what? Was he abducted? Is someone holding a gun to you? I picture, I picture like someone going like the phone, like someone's abducted, someone, Oswaldo's got a bullet in him. They're holding a gun to her. The phone rings. It's like, okay sister, nice and easy. Pick up the phone. No funny stuff. By the way, remember that was a part of every movie?
1:29:28🔗
Adam
They'd be somewhere, it's right in the middle of the kidnapping or the abduction, the phone rings. Okay, nice and easy. Nice and easy. Pick that up. Hello?
1:29:46🔗
Adam
I think they just don't pick the phone up anymore. It's like, all right, just don't pick it up. Right, then you had to pick it up.
1:29:51🔗
Drew
Yeah. What they did when I was a kid was there was always that one Hispanic family and they'd knock on the door, and the cops would be like, did you see anything? The woman would be like, no, I see nothing. I don't know nothing. And she'd close the door, then they'd knock again, and they'd be like, listen, lady, if you don't tell us, we're going to call immigration. It was Raul, he lives around the corner on 4251. You know what I mean? It was always, it was always, we're going to call immigration. You don't want any troubles with INS. No, señor, I know who did it. You know what I mean?
1:30:19🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah, that always worked. You put a little INS pressure on them and they crack like a melon in the sun. Awesome. Yeah, I just realized the, I always, I get obsessed with things that aren't around anymore, like every third movie with the, okay, synchronized watches. All right, what do you got? It's all just synchronized watches. No synchronization of watches and there's no, pick up the phone, nice and easy. Or, you know what else left? The actual answer to the door. I'll be standing right in the entry hall, just out of the way, tell the cops, tell your husband, tell whoever. You know what I mean? Whoever's knocked on the door, I'm standing right here.
1:30:59🔗
Adam
Yeah, just, I'm gonna, I'm gonna stand just out of eyeline of whoever's at the door, but send them packing. And you're always like, you're an idiot because you're watching a movie and you're thinking, run, just run out, dude. Meanwhile, you're 18 minutes into a two hour movie, like what do you think you're gonna do? Just run out, go to safety, movie's gonna be over?
1:31:18🔗
Adam
You know, there's a whole abduction road trip that's gonna happen. Run, run! Be awesome if they just ran once and the movie just ended. That was 20 minutes.
1:31:27🔗
Drew
Like, I've watched so many movies that at the end sometimes, I just want the bad guy to get away, not because of any other reason that I want to leave going. I can't believe the movie ended and the guy got away. They never caught him. You know what I mean? That would be kind of cool.
1:31:55🔗
Adam
All right. Hold on. Engineer Chris, I'm going to give you $100 right now if you tell me who played Popeye Doyle.
1:32:14🔗
Carlos Mencia
Well, I was just, my husband and I have been together since we were in sophomore. We met in summer school and we've only been with each other. We were just wondering what it would be like to have somebody else come in and.
1:32:36🔗
Carlos Mencia
Well, my parents took me out of school when I was a freshman, to go traveling around the United States. So we went through 36 states. It wasn't like we were a bad kid.
1:32:58🔗
Adam
You ever hear about someone being two or three steps ahead of the law? It was just one step.
1:33:06🔗
Adam
You're safe. All right. So what were you doing out on the road when you were that young?
1:33:12🔗
Carlos Mencia
My dad had just retired, so we were traveling around the United States checking out historical things.
1:33:43🔗
Adam
By the way, next time I say 14 and you were 14, feel free to go, wow, that's something. You know how old I was. All right. So Jamie, now your husband wants a threesome.
1:34:09🔗
Adam
Hey, Jamie, can you do me a favor since we're almost at a show and stop doing the goddamn five Mississippi silent count before you answer whatever yes or no question I ask you? Sure. There you go. Good. How many kids?
1:34:47🔗
Caller
No, that mom and dad are not going to have the same relationship they had before he went to bed.
1:34:52🔗
Adam
It's like you are, look, I don't do the drugs in front of the kid. I don't have the orgies in front of the kid. I don't do the swinging in front of the kids. I don't do the satanic rituals. I don't care what you do in front of them. You're that person, you idiots.
1:35:05🔗
Adam
That's the worst part. It'd be better if you just did it in front of them once and then you weren't that person.
1:35:10🔗
Adam
That would actually have a lesser effect. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
1:36:00🔗
Adam
It's gonna be like a bouncer at a bar. Hey, alright. That's it. Carlos Mencia. God bless you for coming in. Wednesday nights, 10.30, the mind of Mencia, Comedy Central. We're plumb out of time, but come back anytime you like.
1:36:15🔗
Adam
Give it a plug. And until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. And give me the stilts and give me a hawk. We'll go ahead and put the joint compound first and then we'll put the topping on.
1:36:36🔗
Adam
The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold.