14:15🔗
Adam
It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is not Dr. Drew. It is Dr. Bruce Hensel, who's filling in for Dr. Drew. I believe the last night of Dr. Drew being wherever he has been.
14:33🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's been a whole goddamn week. Oh, I'm gonna kill that guy. I'm having a nervous breakdown, by the way.
14:40🔗
Nobody doing so.
14:43🔗
Oh, don't worry.
14:51🔗
Adam
Let me tell you how much I swear. I don't even know I said that. All right. Kathy Griffin, dear, dear, dear-
14:59🔗
Adam
Dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin. My oldest friend in show business, how do I know? Because I knew her before I was in show business.
15:17🔗
Adam
And I was, yeah, she was a wet nurse model. I was a carpenter. We had a night of ecstasy.
15:25🔗
Drew
There is, in fact, your bedpost had so many notches, it was four piles of sawdust. People.
15:44🔗
Adam
Kathy, by the way, if you've not seen Kathy perform in person and I've not seen Kathy perform in person, you are missing a performance.
16:04🔗
Drew
Let me tell you something. If I, I'll call up four or five of my gays and I tell them that you weren't nice to me tonight and that is it. It is on.
16:11🔗
Adam
Kathy has a gay army. And by the way, anyone who knows the gays know that the one gay is good for at least 20 straight guys. I mean, it's all product and nails. They're like, they're like ninja throwing stars.
16:32🔗
Adam
Why is it an 80 pound bobcat could take down a 200 pound man? Do you see what I'm saying? It's the same thing. It's the claws, it's the passion.
16:49🔗
Adam
Okay, the point is, is do you not want to get Kathy's you don't want to get gay commando for now, commando force.
16:59🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
That's right. You know, the people with hepatitis C for some reason or other are more passionate and a little crazier than a lot of other people.
17:23🔗
Adam
Let's go to the tape. No, I mean, but look at the population that has Hepatitis C. These are people that oftentimes have dabbled in drugs, have had unprotected sex. They play fast, they play loose.
17:36🔗
Adam
You can, but for the most part, it's a thrill seeking group. So if you go to a Hep C convention.
17:46🔗
Drew
Let me just say that I saw Tommy Lee about two months ago and I got crabs by looking at him.
17:58🔗
Adam
So did you, Dr. Bruce, by the way, from NBC News and the, what was the hell the document, the opposite of sex.
18:17🔗
Adam
Which, well, how did it do, by the way? Is it gonna get the, what the hell was it up for? The Emmy?
18:25🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
We hope, we hope. We'll see in a month or two. It did well. It's got good reviews. It's on Showtime. It's still showing on Showtime. We follow one man and one woman from the time they decide until the time they become the opposite sex. Right.
18:39🔗
Nobody's my hero except for Jesus.
18:58🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, he was born biologically a female, but I always thought he was a man.
19:05🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
He is a man named Renee. Does he know that his name is normally identified with a woman and maybe he wants to go with Frank? You can be French and be Renee and then it's a man.
19:16🔗
Adam
He may want to join your army. Toby is gay. Here's the whole thing about the whole transgendered crown.
19:28🔗
Adam
Here's the really, you don't know what to call them and eventually you're just scared to open your mouth because they're so goddamn angry, which is the whole reason they're cutting their genitalia off in the first place. They just run around correcting people so eventually you just want to throw them out of the studio because it's like, which I did, which you can't talk to them.
19:51🔗
Drew
Let me tell you something, you would never cut it on Oprah for five seconds because you don't know where your inner spirit is. You don't know how to find your inner spirit. If your inner spirit bit you in the ass, you wouldn't even know what to say to him.
20:01🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, it obviously threatened him. It threatened him. It obviously brought out his own transgender tendencies.
20:08🔗
Drew
Although let me tell you something, he would not be a very attractive woman without a severe eyebrow wax. Severe.
20:14🔗
Adam
These two caterpillars on top of my eyes. What a disaster that would be. And the nasally drone and the Brillo head and the ingrown hairs on the neck. Could you imagine?
20:23🔗
Drew
All right, here's my question, Dr. Bruce. So I've watched the normal on HBO with the backwards R. I've watched the Oprah. Let's talk to the transgender people. I've met transgenders. Okay, I don't mean to be rude, but why is it that so many of the guys who become women look like stocky, unattractive lesbians?
20:42🔗
Drew
There's not a lot of them that are trying to look like Pam Anderson. There's a lot of them that have like the big Billie Jean King glasses and the mullet. If you're gonna cut your penis off, you should be a hot blonde.
20:55🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
In the United States, that's true, but if you go to Thailand or Brazil, you cannot even tell. They call them good toys.
21:10🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
There are people who, there have been many stories. I remember a story, Paul Horning once told a story. Remember him?
21:25🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Oh, I don't know if it was. I just heard that he had an experience and he was in the middle of it. At which point he said, right after this is over, we have to talk.
21:39🔗
Adam
Bruce is saying, and I think we can all agree on this, that certain nationalities lend themselves to the transgendered process a little bit better than what we would think of via Caucasian personality.
21:53🔗
Drew
Tranny Night at Tommy Tang's is fierce. I mean, those girls are, they turn it out. They look good.
21:58🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
They feel pretty strong. But your Adam is right. In Asian countries, the men look very feminine. They're not very hairy to begin with. And unless you look at the hands and the feet, you might not be able to tell. So you should always look at the hands and the feet.
22:10🔗
Drew
Dr. Bruce, what are the chances, I want you to be honest about this, that Adam is on the down low?
22:17🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
From what I know, that he's already changed or that he's thinking of changing? On the down low.
22:28🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
It's that watch Oprah. She's on at four o'clock on channel seven.
22:38🔗
Drew
Okay, there's this whole Oprah about how basically all straight guys, it turns out, get BJs from guys on the side.
23:35🔗
Adam
No. Now, the small gay community in this country is trying to turn every straight guy gay. For some reason, it's gonna make it all right or make their life better.
23:45🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
The small gay community? The small gay community. Not that they're small, but that there aren't many of them.
24:01🔗
Adam
Well, look, let's put it this way. If it's 20, it's still small, because 20% versus 80%.
24:12🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, if it's 10% out in the open, what does that make it for real?
24:31🔗
Yes.
24:35🔗
Caller
I had a breast reduction about two years ago. And one of them is significantly smaller than the other one. And the nipple is about half an inch closer to the middle of my chest than the left one. And I mean, it kind of bothers me, but I've had a couple of boyfriends and they've never said anything. One of my friends actually noticed when I was swimming like last week in my underwear and that kind of made me feel real self-conscious about it. I was just wondering if you knew if there was anything I could do because I talked to the surgeon about it and he said, we'll just wait and see if they fill out and change. And they haven't.
25:21🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, you know, yeah, sort of like when you try on your shoes and they tell you.
25:26🔗
Adam
All right, listen, Melissa, when he did the reduction, was there asymmetry after he did the reduction?
25:33🔗
Caller
Yes, but I went to see him about a month and a half after the surgery for my checkup. Like there's a post surgery consultation or whatever. And I mentioned both the size difference and the nipple like position. And he was like, well, I did the same thing to both of them. So let's just see if it corrects itself. And I thought that was very-
25:54🔗
Drew
Dr. Bruce, don't you dare stick up for him. Because I know you doctors are like cops. You all stick up for each other.
25:59🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
I am a journalist. I am not going to stick up for him. It sounds like he up. It sounds like he messed up. Is that simple? But you know, your question, Melissa, yes, you can get it fixed. If it bothers you, you can absolutely get it fixed. You know, shouldn't the doctor ever live the doctor?
26:15🔗
Drew
Come on, it's time to threaten the lawsuit. Let's get the good attorney, write the scary letter, get it done.
26:18🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Do you want the same doctor operating on you? My suggestion is you go to somebody else. If you're unhappy, there's no reason to stay that way.
26:25🔗
Adam
Well, also, if you want to settle this in the court of law, you got to go to another doctor because obviously you need a second opinion or third party or whatever it is. So Melissa, I put you on hold because you wouldn't shut up.
26:43🔗
Like in real life.
26:48🔗
Adam
You can. All right, here's the point, Melissa. Go talk to another plastic surgeon or two, maybe someone who specializes in breast reduction and you'll know whether you have a case or an argument or not. Also, this asymmetry is one of these things that women get caught up into. Guys don't really notice, per se. A lot of guys notice. So it may not be as big an issue as you personally think.
27:09🔗
Drew
But if it's severe, is she saying it's a half an inch ear, one is severely smaller? And she's also saying that somebody else noticed.
27:17🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Which is interesting anyway, the choice between swimming naked, swimming with a bathing suit, or swimming in your underwear.
27:35🔗
Caller
No, I'm not quite that secure. But I mean, and that also- I'm self-conscious about the way they look. I know that they're not straight and they're not-
27:56🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
It doesn't sound like you should stand for this, Melissa. There's no reason why you can't get it fixed.
28:06🔗
Adam
Yeah, all right, it's a big business. That's tough. That's tough when you think you're doing the skinny-dipping, but you just get the bra and panties.
28:15🔗
Drew
That's what you're talking about? Not the fact that this poor girl has to go back into surgery because some bastard botched it.
28:20🔗
Adam
That means one of the dudes has got to go down and get some more wine coolers. That's what that means. That means we need more wine coolers. Just once in a while, you get the compromise with just the panties, no bra, but bra and panties is just as good as being a bathing suit. Psychologically, you get a little extra out of it for the ride home, but in reality, not much.
28:41🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Wonder if she was so self-conscious about the asymmetry that that was one of the reasons she left her underwear on.
29:07🔗
Yeah.
29:10🔗
I have no feeling in my penis.
29:12🔗
Drew
Whoa, whoa, out the gate. First, we couldn't even find him. Now he has no feeling in his penis.
29:21🔗
Well, when I masturbate and whatnot, I've never orgasmed, but when my girlfriend touches me and we've had anal and oral and all sorts of fun stuff and I just can't feel it.
29:34🔗
Oh yeah, no problem with the erection.
29:37🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
So you get the erection, but you don't have any sensation? Yeah. Have you ever had this checked out?
29:43🔗
No. We had really good health insurance, but then we got shafted by my mom's boss and now they cover everything over $6,000 and so. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
29:54🔗
Adam
Well, listen, if you don't get any sensation from anal sex, you may be calling from the grave, buddy.
30:02🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
You know, honestly speaking, though, if you really don't have sensation, obviously your nervous system is working normally because you're getting an erection, but if you really don't have any sensation, all kidding aside, you should get it checked out because there are a lot of conditions, diabetes among them, that can cause that. So, I gotta tell you, though, I'm having a little trouble believing that you have no sensation when you're enjoying it that much. I mean, have you ever noticed a difference? Did you have more sensation in the past?
30:28🔗
No, it's, this is the first girl I've really had sex with.
30:37🔗
Yeah, I look down there and I see me going in and out and I'm like, hey, this is really great. So that keeps me up, but.
30:44🔗
Adam
It should be better, I agree. I had the same, I was sort of disappointed myself. It gets built up, it gets hyped up. And then you realize, eh, you know, sex is good, but you know, it's not the real thing. You know what I'm saying, Kathy?
31:00🔗
Drew
In the meantime, he's banging this poor girl up her butt, looking down at it and saying, oh, it's going in and out, but I can't even feel it. I'm sure she's loving it.
31:13🔗
Adam
All right, hold on. Jeremy. Yeah? First off, this sounds somewhere between marginally bogus or you just sound like an angry guy. What's up?
31:23🔗
Well, I'm just sort of pissed off about the whole thing. You know, great girlfriend, she's beautiful, she's smart, willing to do anything in bed and I can't feel it at all.
31:33🔗
Adam
I don't know. I'm not getting it. I'm not feeling it. I'm going bogus here, Jeremy. I'm just not feeling it, buddy.
31:42🔗
Let's go down with it.
31:43🔗
Adam
I get a feeling and I'm giving Jeremy, you got any aggressive piercings or anything like that?
31:50🔗
Nope, no piercings, no tattoos, no that wonderful stuff.
31:56🔗
I graduated last year.
32:02🔗
Adam
Okay, now this is, now it's coming together because 16 wasn't working for me at all. You're 19, okay, the god damn board says 16. There goes the GD again. All right, so you graduate. What are you doing besides anal sex?
32:17🔗
Caller
I'm going to junior college. Yeah, I go ahead and. But they have a really good diesel technology program. And so.
32:35🔗
Caller
It's not diesel fuel that's next term, but engine overhaul, miking stuff out to within like 10,000th of an inch, all sorts of fun stuff like that.
32:50🔗
Drew
I'm just still picturing him banging his girlfriend up the butt and looking down and going, oh, I think I'm having sex, but I can't even tell.
32:57🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Listen, bogus or not, I think if it is real, you got to get it checked out.
33:11🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, you know, there are two possibilities here. First of all, you're not, obviously the inside of a woman might not be as tight as your hand will be. That would be one reason for the sensation. But you know, another reason is there could be something psychological going on here. I mean, if you don't feel when you're with a girl, but you feel when you're with yourself, I mean, that's something else. I mean, what sort of a relationship do you have with this girl?
33:38🔗
Adam
Hey, Jeremy. Here's the thing. Okay, I'm putting them on hold. I'm getting my Spidey sense is tingling with Jeremy. The guys that get obsessed with their penis, there's usually 99% of them or something wrong with them. It's sort of like the people that are on disability who are under 50. It's like they tell, you know, you hear their story. Oh yeah, they hurt their back at work. You realize, okay, these guys are strung out on pain meds and there's some psychological problem with them. This is the guys who focus too much on either wanting a penis enlargement or sensation or whatever. The plumbing is hooked up. The nerves are hooked up. You are disappointed by your sexual encounter with your first woman. Maybe it's the woman, maybe you set the bar too high, maybe it got built up. You're 19, maybe you heard about it for a good five years. And then it turns out, it's a little disappointing. It's what happened to me the first time I went to Knott's Berry Farm. I looked around, I went, eh.
34:34🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
You know, there's something fishy about the overall thing though, because not only does he not have sensation, but for somebody who's just starting out, it sounds like he's got a pretty adventurous sex life. So I think that something's not jiving.
34:46🔗
Adam
There's a little energy there, there's a little anger there, and there's something going on. So, Andy's in junior college, which to me, that's-
34:56🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's a, you know. Junior college either leads nowhere or to hell. Those are your choices. You went to JC?
35:22🔗
Adam
I went to junior college. I didn't know. Triton, isn't that Neptune's spear, something like that? That's what I meant. The tri-tip spear?
35:38🔗
Adam
All right. We will take a break. Dr. Bruce Hensel here tonight. Also the great and dear friend, Kathy Griffin here. Gonna be at the Irvine Improv. That is Friday, performing this week in Friday, Saturday.
35:56🔗
Adam
Yes. And that is obviously in Irvine, 8.30 and 10.30 on Friday and seven and nine on Saturday. We'll take a quick break when we come back. We'll play a little Germany or Florida. It's been a while. So we'll do that after this.
36:35🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Kathy Griffin here tonight. Dear, dear, dear, dear friend Kathy Griffin gonna be at the Irvine Improv Friday and Saturday this weekend. Two shows, both nights. Also filling in for Dr. Drew tonight, Dr. Bruce Hensel, a long time NBC medical correspondent, now a filmmaker, and what else would you call yourself?
37:07🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
It depends on your point of view, either Renaissance man or schizoid. But actually I'm an emergency physician too. I run two ERs. Century City, which closed down in its reopening in September, we hope, and San Dimas, up by Raging Waters. That's myself and my partner.
37:25🔗
Adam
Let me ask you a personal question. I've had the hernia thing going for, showed up about 10 years ago. Everyone said, don't worry about it. About four or five months ago, I decided, it's getting close now. Drew got his done. Crying like a stuck pig, by the way, for two weeks. Almost every guy.
37:48🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
No, you can do that, but a hernia is basically a weakness in a muscle that's there since childhood. And as you get older, sometimes it gets larger.
37:57🔗
Adam
The corollas have horrible genes. My dad, if you've seen my dad in swim trunks, you realize what a mess he is. And my dad's like, no calves, all forehead. He's about the schnoz and forehead. He's about five, four. He's a mess, a mess. The horrible stock, horrible stock do I come from. It's really, it's amazing. Like, you know what I am? It's like two ugly dogs getting it on and having a puppy that's, I wouldn't call him cute, but at least he's got four legs. That's really my life. You're functional, functional.
38:29🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
I'm functional, I'm functional. Considering all that, I think you're doing pretty well.
38:38🔗
Adam
Okay, the point is, is, so I go see Drew's guy about four months ago and he gives me the, you don't have to do it this weekend, but sometime in the next six months, you ought to make an appointment. About three or four, four days ago, it starts bubbling up a little. And really what happens with the hernia is it sort of flares up a little. You literally sort of push it back down and then it goes away. You feel like an old man because they say like you feel like an old Jew because they go when you cough, put your hand down there. Someone says something funny, you go see Kathy Griffin at the Irvine Improv, you better put your hand down there.
39:17🔗
Adam
Your bowel will push through the line of your gut. So, you know, you put in your hand, whatever. Last four or five days, it's been percolating just a little bit, bubbling a little bit, pushing out. And now it's sort of a constant bulge and stuff. And I'm realizing, I think it's time to pull the trigger.
39:36🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
What's happening here is hernia in Latin means space. And what happens is you've got a weakness in the muscle and the lining of your abdomen actually pokes through when it gets larger.
39:48🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
When it's just doing that, it's painful, it's unsightly, but it's not dangerous. The problem is if it pokes through and the muscle closes behind it, that's called strangulation, that can be deadly. That's why if it's staying out more often now, what you can do if that happens, you can put ice on it, that will actually reduce it. But if it's staying out more often, you gotta get it taken care of.
40:07🔗
Adam
I think my nuts will fall off if I put too much ice down there. Although I got the high one. I got the one that's above.
40:17🔗
Adam
You literally every few minutes or so push it sort of back in and it, yeah, you want to take a look. You want to take a look?
40:46🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
This is not easily reducible, which means that it's a little trapped. And if you, you know, probably if you lie down and we press on it, it would be a little bit easier. But I think it's time for you to take care of this.
41:02🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
No, you do need to get. I know, I know. Now listen, I had mine done a few years ago.
41:18🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Now, you can get that done through a scope, which is less invasive. Yeah, they can do it through a scope now.
41:26🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Probably the best guy in the country is somebody named Ed Phillips. He's at Cedars. He's one of the guys who developed the laparoscope.
41:37🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
He doesn't spend that much money now, but he was one of the innovators, but for hernias, he's probably the number one guy in the world.
41:58🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
You know, my guess would be that there were some chemicals involved. So I mean, that was a lot of weight to lose. Because I have a bottle of trim spa.
42:09🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
You know, she has been up and down a few times, even though she's been up most of the time, you know, and I don't know her own personal history in terms of how she lost it, but I don't think I'd depend on chemicals because it always goes away.
42:30🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
I mean, there is a Lester, you know, which is the stuff that these-
42:34🔗
Drew
I hear these wonderful stories about women that have wild chips and then have the craps for a while.
42:54🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
See, my problem with these chemicals is that what it does is either increase your metabolism or keep you from absorbing fat. Now, if you don't absorb fat, you're gonna lose some vitamins as well.
43:35🔗
Adam
You're a man? Yeah. Yeah, I've been with Matt as well. Yeah, I've been on the down low with your husband.
43:56🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Why do you have some issues though, haven't you, that you've talked about?
44:00🔗
Drew
I did, I had a lipo mishap. So I'm not a lipo fan, I gotta tell you. Not a lipo fan. Didn't work.
44:08🔗
Drew
But I have a theory, yes. But I have a theory that if you marketed a pill and you said to women, by the way, it will make you terminally ill and you'll die in 10 years, but you'll be really thin and look like Jennifer Aniston, they would buy it.
44:22🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Jennifer's worked pretty hard to get her body. Jennifer was not always thin.
44:31🔗
Drew
I know, I like when they show those high school pictures of her like she was a big nerd. She was hot in high school, she's hot now.
44:36🔗
Adam
Yeah, and by the way, everybody looked bad in 1986 if you're in 2004. If you go back to 1986 and all the hair and the fashion and everything, you looked great. That's what everyone does that they go, she looks better now than she did when she was 20. Well, not if you were 20 when she was 20.
44:56🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
That's called a lie. Have you ever looked at computer dating? The interesting thing about that is that people manage to take a picture at the one moment in time that they're good looking. You meet them on the computer. The one moment in time in 1978 when they were good looking and thin. And that's what goes on the computer.
45:16🔗
Adam
Yeah, I always think, by the way, when a celebrity dies, just go ahead and show their best head shot.
45:22🔗
Drew
Right, you don't have to show the one of them leaving the Starbucks with no makeup on. Let's get a nice one.
45:29🔗
Adam
When Hume Cronin dies, I don't need to see a picture of the 93-year-old Hume Cronin. Show the great look at one from 1943.
45:54🔗
Adam
Let the nation begin the morning and let the gay army, who was gonna be screaming, take me and throwing themselves toward the grave.
46:11🔗
Germany or Florida!
46:15🔗
Adam
That's one of our theme songs. Go ahead, Dean, and here's how the game works. All bizarre stories, the occult, the macabre, all from either Germany or Florida. You tell us the story, we tell you. Is it Germany or Florida? Go ahead, Dean.
46:30🔗
Caller
All right. Hey, what's up, Kathy? A student was mouthing off in class, in art class, and the art teacher said, if you keep talking, I'll put you in the kiln. And the kid was a Jew. The family sued, and the teacher was eventually fired.
46:48🔗
Adam
Well, since there's no Jews in Florida who are under 85, and Germany has a rich history with kilning Jews, I'm going to say Germany, but this could be a twister one. You see what I'm saying?
47:09🔗
It is illegal in Germany to do that.
47:11🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
But you know, Florida, it's hot in Florida, and there are a lot of Jewish people. I'm going to Florida.
47:21🔗
Adam
I'm going to Florida just on the twist. I think you're trying to fool us. Dean, Germany or Florida?
47:32🔗
Adam
Strike one up for the boys. All right, Dean. We're not going to send you out of Windbreaker.
47:46🔗
Adam
You know how many times you have to top off your moped to get it from Maryland to Irvine?
47:53🔗
Adam
All right. Let's see. Let's talk to Crystal, who's 20. Crystal? Yeah. You just had a baby? C-section.
48:10🔗
Pretty good, considering I was cut.
48:15🔗
Mm-hmm.
48:16🔗
Adam
And it used to be they would do a lot of it, I guess, for insurance purposes, but then they seemed to have cut back on it a little. But I would think a 20-year-old woman wouldn't need one.
48:26🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, you know, there are issues. I mean, there are reasons. You're right about that. In the old days, a lot of doctors were doing C-sections. There were some issues about whether or not they were doing it because they got more money. The upside of a C-section is the woman thinks it's easier for her. Downside is they're more danger because you have anesthesia.
48:43🔗
Right.
48:46🔗
They thought he was going to be a 10-pound baby. And he was getting really big and he turned out to be 9 pounds 6 ounces.
48:55🔗
Yeah.
48:56🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
But you know, I mean, you can still deliver a 9 pounds 6 ounce or if he's facing the right way. What? Depending upon your pelvis.
49:06🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
But there is that danger to it. It sounds easier, but you know, anesthesia.
49:23🔗
Drew
You had... I had lipo. I also had... Oh, no, no. I only had lipo that time. I had lipo in four different areas. No, that's not true. I'm exaggerating. I was under for four hours. Four hours is a long time to be under a general.
49:49🔗
Adam
All right, so you had a C-section. You gave birth to essentially a manatee at 10 pounds. I mean, that's a lot of kid.
49:58🔗
Yeah, it is.
50:01🔗
Yeah.
50:02🔗
Adam
Okay, because you don't need the behemoth broad running around. And now the question is.
50:13🔗
The question is, why can't I have sex? Like what's the real reason? Like, because I don't see anything, you know.
50:24🔗
Yeah, for six weeks. And that's really hard.
50:27🔗
Yeah.
50:34🔗
No, I do.
50:36🔗
Yeah.
50:37🔗
I am.
50:40🔗
Oh, yeah.
50:42🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, you know, even though you didn't deliver the vaginal way, I don't know what I can use. Even though you didn't deliver that way, you still had a lot of trauma to that area because your body is naturally expanding as you get near the birth process. And it can be really irritating. But it's a little surprising to hear six weeks.
51:02🔗
Adam
Well, a lot of doctors just sort of say, oh, well, you know, stay off of it or that's enough of that. It's the doctor's whole thing is they figure out however you got your injury, which is snowboarding, basketball, whatever they go. But it was five days ago.
51:16🔗
Drew
She can't do a little, ease into it with a little manual. She has to have something sticking in there right away.
51:30🔗
Adam
You both work at UPS? What's he do over there? Does he drive the truck? That's a decent gig. By the way, when I see the guy in the UPS truck, I realize this is capitalism at work. These guys are getting paid by the delivery. You see these guys running out of their truck. Take a look at the folks over at the DMV. You don't see any... No hustle. Anywhere. Go look at the post office folks versus the people that are getting paid per parcel. These guys fly. I mean, you see them going down alleys in reverse at like 45 miles an hour, pull the e-brakes, spinning a 30-ton van around and then flying out and running. I mean, these guys wear shorts because they have to sprint. They're leaping, picket fences, diving for porches. They're on their hustle because they're motivated.
52:21🔗
Adam
I swear to Christ, every time I think about like the Soviet Union and stuff, it's like, why is the market open from noon until 1.30? Why is the guy behind the counter drunk? Why does he flip you the bird? He doesn't get paid any more for being good than he does for being drunk. So you get the drunk guy behind the counter. And UPS is a great little, to me, it's a great little advertisement for the American way.
52:46🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
So he's not going to, obviously, if he's getting paid by the parcel, he's not going to want to have sex at work. Right. That would take away. But, you know, it sounds to me like six weeks is really excessive. I think this is a good time for a second opinion. Now, I don't know if there's another reason your doctor doesn't want you to have sex. And I don't mean his or her reason, but just whether there's something else going on medically. But, you know, I think you need to just ask straight out. Listen, I want to have sex now. Why can't I have sex? Why wouldn't it be good?
53:14🔗
Adam
And why don't, why aren't you kids getting married? We are. We both work. And let me just say this. Perhaps there's a supervisor or someone you can speak to over there. The UPS motto, what can Brown do for you, not, not, needs a little more thought.
53:37🔗
Drew
But Crystal, how about using some birth control this time? Let's not not have back to back. Yeah.
53:41🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
If you can't afford to be married now, you don't want a second kid.
53:50🔗
Adam
If I'm sitting at the table and we're pitching ideas and someone raises their hand and says, I got it, Burt, what can Brown do for you? Phil, you're fired. Hold on. Give me warm up on this coffee and don't let the door hit you on the way out.
54:09🔗
Adam
All right. That's what we're going with. What can Brown do for you? Kathy Griffin here tonight. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend who's going to be Dervine Improv Friday and Saturday. Two shows, two fabulous shows, both nights, go down there and get involved with her gay army. Yeah. There are token straight guys in the gay army.
54:28🔗
Drew
We do allow straight people in. But we hope they have an open mind and they don't mind bad words and cussing.
54:38🔗
Adam
Dr. Bruce Hensel here tonight, a journalist, emergency medical physician and a correspondent and a renaissance man. We will take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
54:58🔗
Adam
Guess how many terrific sense acts the odorant body spray comes in? No, it's more. No, more.
55:22🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Bruce Hensel filling in for Dr. Drew. I believe Dr. Drew is back in studio tomorrow night. We shall see about that. But- He's in Beantown, enjoying himself and getting paid the same amount that I've been getting paid.
55:52🔗
Adam
He will, that is true. All right, now I feel better. But I'll tell you who's gonna make it back. Kathy Griffin. When you guys go out to the Irvine Improv, this Friday and Saturday, two shows, two big shows, Friday and Saturday.
56:31🔗
Adam
Yeah, they did a really funny bit, a pre-taped bit, but he was a good sport about it and everything. But the thing about it is, it's just, there's some hype that's just hype, but you don't actually know if people really, if it's just hype or does he, you know. Clay Aiken has female fans that are in their 50s and there's got to be millions of them. I mean, they're lining up.
57:04🔗
Adam
It's crazy. I didn't, I don't know, I'm like too old, too far removed. I didn't know what it was, but Clay Aiken has fans.
57:15🔗
Drew
And it's a very specific, bizarre fan base that, let me just say, without saying the obvious, it is not the fan base I would think he would have.
57:30🔗
Drew
I think there's, you know what? I think it's, he's super Christiany and he's really sweet and he's really squeaky clean. And I think he's like some way for these women to grasp onto like, I don't think it's sexual, obviously. I think it's almost like, this is who I wish my daughter would end up with or something.
58:04🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Anybody who thought that Liberace was straight has some sort of problem.
58:16🔗
Adam
Women basically can be broken into two halves. They're the ones that like sort of the dangerous guys.
58:22🔗
Adam
Yeah, we like, yeah, we're guys that rebels, like ourselves. Alfa males, lone wolves, lone wolves.
58:41🔗
Adam
Doesn't bother me. And let me tell you about, I take playing by my own rules, so I take it such to heart that you try to play checkers with me, I'll grab my own piece and just hop over all your stuff and knock them over. I'll all by my own rules. Stratego, checkers, doesn't matter.
58:59🔗
Adam
One of my winning words would be like, ho-la-la. And he'd be like, that's not where to go. I play by my own rules. I play by my own rules. Well, that's me and Bruce. The other, okay, so we're dangerous guys. I'm very dangerous. Other women like this sort of non-threatening guys. Sweet, harmless. Sweet guys, guys they could cuddle up by the fireplace with.
59:15🔗
Drew
Right, we're gonna hurt anybody. The Osmond brothers, you know, that's what they are. Although the other thing is, I think part of Clay's appeal is, like when I was growing up, we had the Partridge family and the Osmond brothers and stuff like that. And there really aren't pop idols like that anymore. There's not, I mean, unless you're gonna go like hardcore Christian radio, there's not really the like Donny Osmond, Keith Partridge, David Cassidy.
59:36🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
I think how wrong we were though, when you look at Keith and Donny and Michael, who was a very sweet member of the Jackson family at a very young age.
59:48🔗
Adam
The, and let's face it, the guy obviously has talent. He's got the pipes to back up whatever's, you know, his face to man. I mean, he can actually sing. Like with some of these guys, I'm being sort of paper tigers and not much behind them once they perform live. So anyway, jeez, I'm starting to fall in love with the guy.
1:00:09🔗
Adam
He really is. He's rosy, great skin, great skin. All right. We believe it or not have to take another quick break. Well, we ended up running late and we pushed up the top of the hour. Don't worry. Dr. Bruce Hensel, man's man here tonight.
1:00:27🔗
Adam
And then patch you up again. Dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin here. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.
1:00:34🔗
Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?
1:00:41🔗
Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE. Call the Dateline.
1:01:17🔗
Adam
Buddy, it's Love Line, man! Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew should be in here tomorrow night after his long layoff.
1:01:43🔗
Adam
Dr. Bruce Hensel here tonight filling for Drew and doing a wonderful job, I might add. Kathy Griffin, dear, dear friend, in here filling in for herself. She's gonna be at the Irvine Improv Friday and Saturday. Two shows, two big shows. A little earlier in the evening, I let Dr. Bruce examine my hernia and...
1:02:17🔗
Adam
It's gonna be a long night. Chris, I need a CD jacket. Doesn't matter which band, but something from the 80s.
1:02:30🔗
Adam
Palm Pilot, yes. And one of those foam mic covers. Stat! You gotta start yelling stat more.
1:02:45🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
It's an anachronism, I don't know. It's an anachronism. And it basically is a Latin term that just means emergency. It just means emergency. So just give it to me fast. Give it to me fast.
1:02:56🔗
Adam
All right. Well, it seems to work. And what about lactate ringers and D5W or something? They're always on emergency. They always wanted some lactate ringers.
1:03:11🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Lactated ringers, it's just a solution. It's like Gatorade for your veins. It's got a lot of minerals in it. You're getting all that from ER, right?
1:03:24🔗
Adam
After about the 30th episode of him screaming for the lactate ringers, I thought, hey, A-hole, why don't you bring some from the truck next time you gotta clean up the guy who got in the moped accident. You know you're gonna be yelling for it in about 30 seconds. Just go ahead and take it off the truck with you. So my hernia, what do I need to do? Should I, can I travel? Should I, you know, when do I need to, do I need to get it done? No, he shouldn't go anywhere.
1:03:58🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
If I were you, considering the fact that we can't push it down. Right. I'd see somebody this week and I'd get it operated on.
1:04:11🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
And then make a determination. The point is that it's not gonna happen in one second. If it gets worse, it will go down. But if it does get strangulated, if it gets trapped there.
1:04:22🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Then you turn into, you take a very simple elective surgery and turn it into a life-threatening emergency surgery. Right. You don't want that to happen.
1:04:32🔗
Adam
I don't wanna do that. Okay, let me write that down. Do not have emergency surgery. Do not have, but I am kind of a lone wolf type.
1:04:41🔗
Adam
We can't, I'm just, I'm honestly wantin to know, you know, here's my point, here's my point. They want me to go play in this baseball all-star celebrity softball game in Houston.
1:04:59🔗
Drew
Give me some names. Because that's very D-list-y. You're going to Houston for a baseball game?
1:05:09🔗
Adam
Oh no, they don't get Bonaduce. No, his people won't let him do that. No, here's the thing. I did it last year. Every year, Major League Baseball has their all-star game and that weekend, they have a celebrity slash ex-baseball great softball game at the Saturday before the all-star game. That is not this weekend, it's the weekend after it. I'm not sure if I can go because of this thing now. I don't know if I'm going to get the surgery next week. I'd probably push it back in.
1:05:42🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
I think what I do is see somebody this week and then make a determination with them whether or not it's safe.
1:05:47🔗
Adam
All right, I'm going to get the number to your guy. Can you set me up? Can you grease those wheels?
1:05:52🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
I'll grease the wheels. We got more than one guy. You don't have to go to one person. I'm going to make a commercial for a doctor here.
1:05:58🔗
Adam
I'll get on that this week. All right, so now it's back to the phones. We go where we can, let's see, do we got a ecstasy user, can orgasm, dangerous guys on drugs, virgin orgasms very easily. Veronica.
1:06:21🔗
Adam
That's right. I play by my own rules. Did you hear? Yeah, like if I play Marco Polo, I keep my eyes open.
1:06:45🔗
Adam
See what happens. You scared her away. At least you admit it. Veronica? Ah, it breaks my heart when they, when they're.
1:06:57🔗
Adam
We really, we get a handful of people with an intact time and calling the show a year and when they hang up, it really, it really breaks my heart.
1:07:05🔗
Adam
Ah, let's see. Let's speak to Jenna. Jenna? You're 16? Great. You want to see Kathy Griffin this weekend in Irvine?
1:07:15🔗
Caller
I wish I could be in California, but unfortunately I have no money and I'm across the country.
1:07:38🔗
Caller
Also just so you know, I'm still a virgin so you can be happy about that. Okay, here's the thing. When I was 14, right before I turned 15, I think I don't have it written down.
1:08:00🔗
Adam
I'll explain what- Hold on a second. I'll explain what goes on. Believe it or not, there is a phone problem, which I know this sounds like the world's worst radio studio, but there's a phone problem that works, that everybody can hear the caller, except for the people in this room, and it gets cut off and it happens intermittently. And so we are the only one who can't hear it. So we seem like idiots when we're saying what and repeat it and all that stuff.
1:08:38🔗
Adam
That's right. They just hear us sounding like idiots saying what. Look, what do I care? This show's gonna run itself in the ground in a couple of weeks.
1:08:58🔗
Adam
All right, so restate your problem and be prepared for it to cut off again. It'll be funny this time.
1:09:04🔗
Caller
Go ahead, Jenna. Okay, right before I turned 15, I started masturbating. And for a while, I think I was able to do it like I got a full, like a real orgasm. And then all of a sudden, and it's been this way till now, I always feel like it's like a peeing sensation and it's really strong. And then I feel like totally sexless. And that's it. And I wondered what could be wrong.
1:09:36🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
And that turns you off emotionally or physically something happens?
1:09:43🔗
Caller
Well, I think afterwards, like I kind of feel like I want to get it, but I can't think of anything sexually. And it's sort of, it's kind of like a little bit of a bruise it feels like for a little bit. Like, so I don't want to touch it.
1:10:02🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
That'll hurt anybody. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever tried to drink some water and pee before you masturbated? And then you know you won't have to pee? You've peed before, so it's just, what's probably happening is, you know, obviously the organs are very close to one another, the clitoris and the urethra.
1:10:43🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
You know, what's probably happening is that you're getting very sensitive down there, and actually, a lot of people right before and right after orgasming do get sensitive.
1:10:59🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
What you need to do, you need to, first of all, you need to put your mind to rest. This does not mean there's anything wrong with you. That sensation is not uncommon at all. And if you have it-
1:11:12🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, it wouldn't just be coming on when- It's not pleasant. No, absolutely not, but it wouldn't just be coming on when she's masturbating. Do you have any other symptoms? You're not going more often than usual? You're not burning when you're not masturbating?
1:11:25🔗
Adam
This is, by the way, we hear this problem a lot. And I'm wondering if, what if you gave yourself the freedom to urinate emotionally if you had to throw a couple of your, throw your brother's comforter under you or jump in the bathtub and run a little hot water, as Kathy's known to do.
1:11:44🔗
Caller
I wondered if I could do that without being on top of a toilet and I realized I can't.
1:11:54🔗
Adam
I peed, the lion's share of places I've peed have not been, there's not been a toilet within a hundred yards. You can pee almost anywhere. You know what I mean? Just give yourself the freedom to do it. Go in the, draw yourself a nice warm bath and get in there and masturbate and give yourself the freedom. If something comes out, it comes out. So be it.
1:12:25🔗
Are you kidding me?
1:12:27🔗
Yeah. Yeah.
1:12:42🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
You know, the thing is that Adam is saying one thing that's important for you to hear and that is give yourself the freedom. I think what's happening is you're getting to that point and your mind is taking over. If you don't worry about what's gonna happen, you may be able to go through with it. You have to realize this is not unusual. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Give yourself the freedom to either be and if it gets very sensitive, sometimes if it gets very sensitive, if you keep going, you actually get past that point and it's even more enjoyable.
1:13:11🔗
Adam
You got to break through and so that's what I did with the booze by the way. I kept drinking and I pushed through.
1:13:34🔗
Drew
Oh, I love that. If only I liked children, which I don't. But what I do love to do is I feel that many of the young women who call on this show are, you know, like giving into, they're vulnerable and they always, a lot of them seem to have the a-hole boyfriend and they're being like talked into stuff and you know, Adam just wants all girls to get drunk and have sex and.
1:14:15🔗
Drew
60 years. But my mother, as you know, is a strong black woman. And I have a little strong black woman inside me. And I hear a lot of these 16, 17 year old, 18 year old, young women calling in here. And a lot of them have just horror stories. My dad molested me. What should I say to him at Christmas? You don't go. You don't go to Christmas if dad's molested you. My boyfriend, I'm a virgin and my boyfriend wants to have anal or else he won't take me to the prom. You don't go to the prom, screw the boyfriend. You know, there's a lot of calls like that.
1:14:43🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
The people who have healthy relationships aren't up at 12 o'clock listening to Loveline.
1:14:58🔗
Caller
No, I think it's like 2.30 in the morning. But I really thank you for taking my call. I hope you don't feel sad yourself.
1:15:09🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Is there something in your voice, Adam, that made her feel that you might be sad?
1:15:38🔗
Adam
Jenna over here is, there's something a little depressed about her. There's something going on.
1:15:44🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Although it is 2.30 in the morning there. And we do get to, the other caller was all two virgins, very sleepy girls.
1:15:52🔗
Adam
All right. The clitoris is like a melatonin or something. Or I mean the hymen. What was the clitoris used for again?
1:16:01🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Actually, you know, as we point out in the movies, we all start that way when we're inside of our, you don't want to hear this, do you?
1:16:09🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
We're all female. We're all chicks. We're all female until testosterone shows up.
1:16:14🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
And then we change. Obviously, this is a very sensitive issue for Adam.
1:16:20🔗
Adam
There are various arguments we have in society. It's like, we always do this, but it really doesn't mean anything, you know? I mean, the guys-
1:16:37🔗
Adam
And all I'm saying is, is the guys who get the gender reassignment usually have a screw loose, for lack of a better term, and they're a little bit nutty, and the argument that we all start as women is ridiculous, obviously.
1:16:51🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
The point of the argument, though, is to show that the surgery is not as severe as you would think it was. Most people think the surgery got, it's how is it possible? It was possible.
1:17:00🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah, but although as we spoke to Dr. Alter last night, we found out that going from male to female is a smoother transition from an operation standpoint.
1:17:25🔗
Drew
And you know that you probably want like a giant one. I'm sure no one's become a man to get a really small penis.
1:17:29🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Yeah, actually, that was the whole point of what we were talking to Renee about. Usually to get large ones, you need to take tissue from elsewhere. Doesn't feel normal. If you build it from beneath, you have the normal sensation, but it's small.
1:17:40🔗
Adam
Also, it's gotta be rough too when like you're at work and somebody goes, hey dude, what happened to your forearm? You get like a motorcycle accident? No, I used it to harvest my joint.
1:17:52🔗
Adam
Yeah, and we got books in here from Dr. Alter that we popped just the other night. Chris, find that book and show-
1:18:21🔗
Adam
Find the penis that is growing on the forearm and you tell me how badly you want to see a penis. Yes, Dr. Bruce Hensel will find it.
1:18:30🔗
Here we go.
1:18:36🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
This is not pleasant, folks. You want to stay on the radio. This is not a TV show.
1:19:10🔗
Drew
The lips have to be done just right. Let me tell you something, when I got my brow lift, I needed symmetry, and if I ever get my vulva recreated, it has to be perfect.
1:19:18🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
That is a specialty now, you know, it's called vaginal rejuvenation.
1:19:36🔗
Adam
I just want you to turn to the page where they're actually growing the penis on the forearm. Dr. Bruce can find that, and I'm going to avert my gaze because otherwise I may choke. All right, let's see. Let's talk to...
1:20:02🔗
Drew
No, I just want to say these pictures are like mid-operation. I'm sure it heals beautifully.
1:20:12🔗
Caller
Yeah. Well, I've been with my boyfriend for a good like five months. And he, I'm not your typical free-position type of girl. And he is just not going for anything creative at all.
1:20:34🔗
Caller
The three positions, me on top. And behind me is him on top, in which he doesn't last for one in five seconds.
1:21:00🔗
Caller
You know, I'm a little bit way off more than conservative. Like, he just he's not doing it for me. I don't know if I should tell him.
1:21:11🔗
Drew
Doesn't any guy want to hear that the girl wants to be more wild? I mean, what guys aren't going to like that?
1:21:27🔗
Caller
I don't know. We don't really talk. Yeah. Things between me and my dad aren't really that great.
1:21:34🔗
Adam
All right. But what about you? Is he an alcoholic? Do you ever get molested? Anything up with you we need to know?
1:21:41🔗
Alcoholic.
1:21:46🔗
All right.
1:21:47🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. I think I'm talking about Mary behind her back. Here's what goes on. The wild chicks, they're supposed to be just sort of fun loving and carefree.
1:22:00🔗
Adam
And they're acting out. Oftentimes the guys, all they know is they're feeling weird energy. It's like the women are like, hey, baby, I'm sexy. Why aren't you into this? I'll be your acrobat. And the guy's like, I would be, except for I think you're kind of nutty and you're freaking me out with your weird energy. It doesn't feel like pure sexuality. It feels like a vestige of the past, some weird trauma is now resurfacing. Not to say it's her fault, but the guy is probably freaked out a little. And people do this even when they don't know what's going on, just instinctively.
1:22:35🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
It's also that a lot of guys want to, you know, a lot of guys, the whole Madonna complex, they want the girlfriend to be the perfect woman, the sweet woman, the vulnerable woman. If the woman's a little stronger, wants to be more sexual, it makes them intimidated. That's not as healthy reaction. But the point is that it happens.
1:22:52🔗
Drew
That's like that night I was with Adam and the next thing you know, I hear the soft sobbing.
1:22:57🔗
Drew
And I turn over and it's like a little sniffle and it turned into heaves. Like he couldn't even breathe. I rocked him till five in the morning.
1:23:18🔗
Adam
I'll tell you, if an insurance adjuster would have taken a look at Kathy's vagina when I was done with it, he would have said total. It's total. Compt, Compt.
1:23:27🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
At one point it was just psychological, but now it's a medical condition. That's right.
1:23:33🔗
Adam
All right. Wait a minute. Let's get back to... Enough about our past, Mary. Yeah. All right. So, here's what I'm picking up on and everyone listening to the show wants to know, oh, she's horny. Would you leave her alone? But you sound angry, okay? And you sound angry and you probably sound a little angry at men and you probably should be because your dad's an alcoholic who beat you. That's something that you need to focus on. The part about your boyfriend not putting out sexually is the least of your problems at this point. You have issues with men and I suspect they're going to come up with every guy you're with with every relationship you're with.
1:24:10🔗
Drew
Probably every guy will be either like the dad or maybe the polar opposite of the dad. But I think she will try to keep reliving that relationship and trying to get it right with the wrong guys.
1:24:21🔗
Adam
I'm picking up on, listen, I've done this for nine years. I just hear people's voice and I feel their whatever their energy for that cosmic and retarded as that sounds. It's coming from you and spades, Mary. So here's the thing. Don't get pregnant, number one. Number two, you're probably freaking the guy out by coming on a little bit strong. Why don't you back off a little, give him a glass, give him a beer and see what he does. Number three, maybe this isn't the guy for you. And number four, you need some therapy if you had an alcoholic dad who beat you. All right? And by the way, you get some therapy and you look in your relationship with your dad and magically some of these current problems with boys will melt away.
1:25:02🔗
Drew
Yeah, and then all of a sudden maybe it's not so boring just having a missionary. Maybe the normal sort of or the norm, I should say, isn't so boring.
1:25:11🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
You know, there's always the other side to it, too, just to be devil's advocate. I mean, it's possible that she's just an adventurous girl.
1:25:20🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
No, no, no, no, no. She needs help for that. There's no question about that. But have you talked to your boyfriend about this?
1:25:28🔗
Drew
Except for we got to take we're running late for for break and I don't want to go there because the chances of this girl being extra horny are very slim compared to the chance of this girl acting out some dynamic with her dad.
1:25:39🔗
Adam
Thank you, Kathy. We rarely agree. But when we do, we know we're right. Dr. Bruce Hensel here. No, very, very qualified. I could use a warm up on the coffee. Kathy and I got some business talk.
1:26:00🔗
Now you and the guests can enjoy three nights in Chicago's House of Blues, experiencing a series of amazing live concerts. And we'll get you there.
1:26:11🔗
Adam
[♪ Music . Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Bruce Hensel, who's in tonight filling in for Dr. Drew. He's an emergency medicine physician. He's a medical correspondent for NBC for many, many years, a documentarian. He is everything and everyone. He really is. He really would. He's so much more doctor than Dr. Drew could even dream.
1:26:57🔗
Adam
He has more, more doctor in his, the cuticle of his pinky than Drew has his entire being.
1:27:14🔗
Adam
Kathy Griffin, who's possibly the one person is even more bitter than I am. She is gonna be at the Irvine Improv this Friday, this Saturday, two fabulous shows.
1:27:30🔗
Drew
Keep an open mind, I'm not for everybody. It's not a Christian show. It's not a family show.
1:27:36🔗
Drew
I work blue and I like a lot of name calling, a lot of celebrity gossip, maybe a couple of current events thrown in there.
1:27:51🔗
Drew
But if you want to make fun of Gwyneth Paltrow's baby, come on down, Friday and Saturday, two shows.
1:28:03🔗
Drew
No. I felt that she is very condescending. I don't like when she kind of has the eye rolling, condescending, sigh. Yeah, she's British now, she's very trendy. She's ruined that poor kid's life, sight unseen. You can't name a kid Apple. That kid's gonna be calling into this show as soon as she can talk.
1:28:26🔗
Drew
Apple's a nickname, right? Maybe, just maybe within the walls of the British home, we call a kid Apple. But no, Apple should not be the baptismal given. Apple Martin.
1:28:46🔗
Adam
Here's the thing, though. I realize with all these celebrities and their kids and their crazy names, you think, okay, the kid's gonna get his ass kicked. Well, he'd get his ass kicked if he went to Sun Valley High School out in the East Valley there. But these kids are gonna be going to some Beverly Hills prep or some Malibu.
1:29:10🔗
Drew
Peaches. Oh, really? She wrote a letter of warning to Gwyneth in one of the London papers saying how it had completely affected her entire life to be named Peaches.
1:29:37🔗
Adam
And the point is these kids will grow up in a very sheltered environment that will not let them be made fun of by the outside world. Except for heroes like people like you, Kathy. You have the guts to stand up against the elite.
1:29:54🔗
Adam
That's right. All right. Where are the hell are we going? Bleeds excessively twice a month. Wants to know about the pill. Dangerous through guys on drugs.
1:30:34🔗
Adam
I'm gonna go by who's been on hold the longest. And Vince is coming in on 117 minutes. Vince?
1:31:02🔗
Adam
Kansas City, okay. What's up, Vince? I just like inviting people from out of state. Go ahead, Vince.
1:31:10🔗
Caller
It's kind of probably an easy question for you guys. It's real basic. Usually when I masturbate, I don't use any kind of lubrication or any lotion or anything. I've actually had a couple occasions where I've actually rubbed it raw. And you know, while it's going on, you really don't notice it, but afterwards you realize it. And I was wondering if there's any actual, you know, harm I could be causing to it.
1:31:36🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, I mean, you can harm it by rubbing it raw and then getting it dirty and getting an infection. But the question is, if you're an adult and you understand the consequences of your action, why do you keep doing it? I understand when you do it, you may forget, but you know from the past that you caused yourself some pain. So why do you do it again? Do you like the pain or why do you keep doing it without lubrication? It's easy enough to get some.
1:32:13🔗
Adam
His stepmom started locking up the lubriderm. That's what happened. Vince, why don't you spring for some lotion, for Christ's sake?
1:32:21🔗
Caller
It might actually be, you know, I live with three other guys in a pretty small apartment. So when I do it, it's kind of in a hurry.
1:32:30🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Where are you usually, in the bathroom or? Where do you do it, if you live with three guys?
1:32:46🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, listen, if it happens that quickly, you can get these little packets of pay-wide jelly so you don't have to carry a whole tube around.
1:32:53🔗
Drew
But that's gonna be so embarrassing if he's somewhere and then he goes to take his change out of his pocket and the small packets of pay-wide come out.
1:33:05🔗
Adam
Yeah, mayonnaise, works great. I don't know, I know, I'm a dry man. Yeah, I'm smart. You know why I'm a dry man? I'll tell you why I'm a dry man because what do you do when you're camping? What do you do if a plane goes down, you're stranded. I have beat off camping before.
1:33:23🔗
Adam
I'll tell you why, you gotta beat off. Sometimes you sleep over. And you can't go 24 hours? It's not just 24 hours sometimes, it's like 30 hours because you might leave at noon and come home at like 2.30 or 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah, and when you're, when you convene with nature, like I do, yeah, I have beat off camping. Sure, sure.
1:33:45🔗
Drew
Now, when you're planning the trip, do you kind of think when you're gonna fit that in? Are you like, okay, I'm gonna pack my toothpaste, my plastic bags.
1:34:16🔗
Drew
And then you just go into the forest. I mean, do you say I have to go gather some kindling or something?
1:34:36🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, this poor guy, it's better than this poor guy, Vince, who has to hide from his roommates.
1:34:55🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
You're rubbing yourself wrong for Christ's sake. Not so much that you're gonna cause a problem, but it's painful.
1:35:08🔗
Yeah.
1:35:13🔗
Caller
I've been going out with my boyfriend for about a year and it's like an ongoing problem. Like, whoever I've had sex with, I never orgasm. I've orgasmed with one guy and that was it.
1:35:41🔗
Adam
By the way, pretty good for a 17 year old. Most of the 17 year olds call the show do not have an orgasm via intercourse.
1:36:12🔗
Drew
I made you put that tomato up my butt. I thought it was private time. It was over now.
1:36:17🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Now, were you with this guy more than once? The one you did orgasm with?
1:36:25🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
And an orgasm. I would have been with him a second time. Yeah.
1:36:29🔗
Adam
Yeah, so Adrian, okay, first off, at 17, don't put the pressure on yourself. When a woman puts the pressure on herself to have the orgasm, it's even more difficult. They become more illicit.
1:36:49🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
And speaking of not putting pressure on yourself, you should realize that a lot of this can be anatomic, meaning the one guy that you orgasmed with, he might have, believe it or not, he might have had an angle to his penis. It may have gone a different way. That happens. And it might've touched the area that stimulates you more. Are you able to orgasm when you masturbate? So you're physically capable of it. And you know, what you need to do is what Adam said.
1:37:16🔗
Drew
Do you bring it camping? Cause that would make a little noise when you're making your s'mores.
1:37:30🔗
Drew
That's very tough. It's got to be a long amount of time and he's got to be super gentle and then a lot of guys that do it too hard and then you don't want to say anything to him. And next thing you know, you're going to the doctor with the eczema infection.
1:37:46🔗
Adam
All right. Here's the whole thing, baby doll. And all you women, let yourself go a little bit. Stop dancing for the man. I really mean it. It's like, I love him. I want to give him this. It's so important that I give him this. You become so focused on it. It really, and here's the thing. I don't know why God punishes us, but it hurts everything you try to do. If you're golfing and you're really trying really hard and you're focusing and people are looking at you and you're trying to really tee off and drive the ball, you always shank it. You do it and do it in every sport. The more you tense up, the more you try, the harder you try, the more you F up. It's the same with this. Just relax. If you have an orgasm, you have an orgasm. If you don't, you had a pleasurable experience anyway. You two are in love. Don't worry about him. I guarantee he's having the time of his life.
1:38:32🔗
Drew
I would just love you to have that conversation with a 17 year old guy. You know, if you have the orgasm, fine. If you don't, you had a great time. Just enjoy it. You're young and in love.
1:38:43🔗
Adam
Well, mostly 14 and 15, but a couple of 17s made it in under the wire, although they weren't developed.
1:38:49🔗
Drew
I like how women are supposed to be just completely satisfied without the orgasm. You know, it's a pleasant time for everybody.
1:38:57🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Now listen, do you want to have an orgasm for yourself or you're trying to please him?
1:39:03🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Well, I'm sorry, Adam, let's help her. Do you want an orgasm?
1:39:21🔗
Drew
Now, is your boyfriend, does he really give it the good college try? Or is he like done after 30 seconds?
1:39:38🔗
Adam
Listen, Adrienne, look, you're 17, you're growing, you're changing, your vagina's like a green piece of fruit right now. Believe, let it ripen on the vine a little bit. Don't push so hard. Relax and enjoy yourself.
1:39:56🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
If she can orgasm with a vibrator, have him touch you while you're having orgasm. Find the spot that really turns on and you can do-
1:40:18🔗
Adam
We'll take ourselves a little break. Kathy Griffin here. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend, Bruce Hensel, Dr. Bruce Hensel. Dear, dear friend. Not dear, dear friend, but just dear, dear friend. But that's, we're on the road to dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend.
1:40:34🔗
Adam
Filling in for Dr. Drew, doing a better job than Drew himself. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. Dr. Drew is not in the hissy tonight. We have Dr. Bruce Hensel.
1:41:20🔗
Drew
But you're having a hissy about it. You're cranky, you're complaining. You actually want him to give you some of his money?
1:41:27🔗
Adam
I'm in pain. My gut's coming out of my bowel. It's pushing through my gut. I'm having a nervous breakdown. The Kathy Griffin, by the way, dear, dear friend, is here tonight, gonna be at the Irvine Improv Friday and Saturday. Two shows. And Dr. Bruce Hensel is a fantabulous documentary. Go ahead, Bruce. Give it a little plug, buddy.
1:41:47🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Called The Opposite Sex. We follow one man and one woman from the time they decide until the time they get their sex change operations. They're actually two separate movies. One of them is called Renee's Story about a young girl.
1:42:00🔗
Adam
Now, you have the man becoming a woman and the woman becoming a man. You have them both.
1:42:05🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Separate movies, separate movies. And they show on Showtime. You can just go into www.showsho.com, find out when they're on. And we're hoping, Renee's Story actually won the Grand Jury Award at the Outfest.
1:42:19🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
So we're pretty excited about it. It's a masterpiece. And my partner in the movie, Stu Krasno, who's the executive producer of Average Joe.
1:42:40🔗
Adam
Got to check that out. All film festivals are gay and lesbian film festivals. Isn't that the essence of a film festival? Is there a straight guy with a dirty mouth?
1:42:50🔗
Adam
Yeah, OutFest. That sounds like a delight. All right. Let's hop back to the phones and see if we can help some of the kitties and speak to Katie. Katie? You're 16, you're on birth control pill? Yeah. And you also use Ecstasy? All right. Here's the whole thing. Probably, Dr. Drew has gone off about Ecstasy enough to scare me, which is to say that it causes problems. I mean, it's not just a man saying, hey, stay away from the weed, man. You'll go, no, Ecstasy does cause brain damage eventually. And it's probably not something you should be monkeying with. So how about you just give that up and do something else? All right. Can you do that?
1:43:53🔗
Adam
I don't think it does anything with the birth control pill. Drew, I've never heard Drew say anything about that.
1:43:57🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
Is that your question, whether the two interact? Well, they don't interact, but remember MDMA or ecstasy is a form of amphetamine. I mean, it actually speeds you up. So it can affect your blood pressure, it can affect your brain cells. And the fact is that the original ecstasy, although it was developed to help therapy, is one thing. And the ecstasy that you get now on the street can be anything from talcum powder to pure amphetamine. You don't know what you're getting.
1:44:25🔗
Adam
You get the concession stand at Outfest, I'll tell you that right now. Get that in the Amel Poppers.
1:44:30🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
I mean, the interaction between that and the and butter, look out for that.
1:44:51🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
All right now, Kathy, you don't like the pill, personally. No, no, no.
1:44:54🔗
Drew
No, I say do the pill and condoms, but I'm very nervous about what guys, what teenage boys are gonna give her.
1:44:59🔗
Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel
The expectation. Well, that's a good point. You should still be, even if you're on the pill, remember the pill does not protect against AIDS, or sexually transmitted diseases. So you can't just make an assumption that you're protected because you're on the pill.
1:45:24🔗
Adam
Add condoms to your diet and remove the ecstasy. That's it, plus condoms, minus ecstasy. There you go, all you people do that.
1:45:54🔗
Caller
I'm trying to find a girlfriend and I don't really know where to look because I mean, I don't want it to be like for just a week or two because I'm subversion and I mean.
1:46:11🔗
Caller
No, but I mean, I mean, I was told that like, if I get with someone for a while, they'll think that's really special.
1:46:18🔗
Adam
All right, Johnny, here's the whole thing, we're plumb out of time. You can't really go shopping for a girlfriend. It's one of these things where you just have to make yourself into the most presentable target you can be and let it happen. So don't go looking for a girlfriend. Look for a good job. Do some pushups. Try not to end up back in juvie and magically you'll find a girlfriend. We'll be right back.
1:47:14🔗
Adam
Yeah, everybody. All right, well, that's the show. I believe Dr. Drew is back tomorrow night. I want to thank dear, dear, dear, dear friend, Dr. Bruce Hensel for coming in and doing it.
1:47:27🔗
Adam
Wonderful job. No, you're dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin for doing a wonderful job. And help me out tonight, Kathy Irvine improv, Friday, Saturday, Two Fabulous Shows. Dr. Bruce, you can find his documentary if you just go to Showtime.
1:47:49🔗
Adam
That's right, NBC. Thanks a lot, Doc. Thanks for the diagnoses. Now I know I'm gonna die. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce Hensel saying mahalo.
1:48:00🔗
Caller
And the art teacher said, if you keep talking, I'll put you in the kiln. And the kid was a Jew.
1:48:10🔗
Caller
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.