Monday, June 28, 2004

0:54🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00🔗 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:02🔗 Voiceover Hey buddy, it's Love Line with Adam. That's not Dr. Drew. That's Dr. Alter, who's filling in for Dr. Drew tonight. You remember Dr. Alter from the show some weeks, or maybe a couple months back. He does the euphemistically entitled genital reassignment surgery. And although many people, including his parents and the host of the show, think he's insane, he's crazy like a fox because he's board certified in urology and plastic surgery, which makes you smart at the same time as being a little nutty, right?

1:36🔗 Drew Well, it makes you a lot nutty, and I don't know how smart you are.

1:39🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, get away.

1:40🔗 Drew You gotta pass the test. You gotta do the stuff.

1:42🔗 Dr. Alter Here's the thing, and we'll get into that. AJ and Alan both here from Lit tonight. Jeremy and Kevin will be coming in from Lit a little bit later tonight. We're doing the old swap thing. Well, welcome back to the show, by the way. Thank you.

1:55🔗 Adam Thanks for having us back.

1:56🔗 Dr. Alter Good guys, Lit, good band, and it's been too long.

1:59🔗 Adam Thanks, man.

2:00🔗 Dr. Alter So, Mazel Tov, as my people don't say.

2:06🔗 Drew Yeah, when did you join the tribe?

2:08🔗 Dr. Alter Well, here's when I turned Jewish, when I got into show business, because when I was swinging a hammer, I sure as hell wasn't Jewish. I was Italian, and now that I'm in show business, it's Mazel Tov, yeah. And I got that kind of, I can straddle the fence, you know? I could go Italian, I could go Jew. It just depends how much manual labor I do or how much I complain or how much food I send back. I could send myself in either direction. So tonight, I go Jew.

2:34🔗 Drew Well, you're very talented.

2:35🔗 Dr. Alter Thank you. Yeah.

2:37🔗 Adam You get a lot nicer gifts that way, too.

2:38🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, yeah, I missed out on that whole Bar Mitzvah thing. All right, so Lit is here. Lit is a band that's been around for 15 years, had some phenomenal success in that 15 years. And is, I don't know if I want to call it the comeback trail, but is re-emerging, is on the scene.

3:02🔗 Adam It all sounds good to me.

3:03🔗 Dr. Alter Is that all good?

3:04🔗 Adam Yeah, we just put out a new record on, it'll be a week Tuesday tomorrow. So we're stoked about that. It's a self-titled album, our fourth.

3:13🔗 Dr. Alter We'll hear a couple of cuts off that one in the 10 o'clock hour and the other 11 o'clock hour, but go ahead, AJ, I'm sorry.

3:21🔗 Adam Yeah, I mean, new record. That's it.

3:25🔗 Dr. Alter I'll tell you what you can do, by the way, the guys are gonna be on the Carson Daily Show coming up on July 14th and then also on CNN on Thursday. But you can just go to www.litlounge.com, one word, litlounge.com, and you can get all the information, tour dates, and all that kind of stuff so you can go out and see Lit because Lit is coming to a town near you, yes?

3:52🔗 Adam Yes, we are. We're gonna be touring our butts off all summer long.

3:56🔗 Dr. Alter And, Doctor, Alter's going nowhere. He will not be anywhere around you. But what are you doing, Alter? Have you done any reassignment lately?

4:05🔗 Drew I do that, I do a lot of things. I mean, I don't just do reassignment. I mean, I do everything, cosmetic surgery and all kinds of genital problems.

4:13🔗 Dr. Alter I know, the plastic surgeon's like to focus on the good that they do, but I like the evil in the novel.

4:19🔗 Drew Well, I don't know about, I wouldn't call it evil.

4:22🔗 Dr. Alter In God's eyes, but I can't judge. And I'm an atheist.

4:25🔗 Drew Right, you're not a judging kind of guy. I know, I've been through this judging bit.

4:29🔗 Dr. Alter No, I don't judge.

4:31🔗 Drew I never have, never will.

4:32🔗 Dr. Alter But he does, but he does.

4:33🔗 Drew Well, yeah.

4:34🔗 Dr. Alter He does, okay. Well, let's hope he doesn't. No, it's a good thing what you do. But I'm just saying, I talked a lot of plastic surgeons. I like to focus on the boob jobs and the nose jobs and the genital reassignment surgery. They want to focus on helping the burn victims and the orphans with the cleft palate. To me, that's good work that they're doing, but it's not as easy for me to make fun of. So I like to focus on what I call the more bizarre end of the business.

5:02🔗 Drew Lay it on us.

5:02🔗 Dr. Alter All right, so.

5:04🔗 Adam Kevin's gonna have some good questions for you, I'm sure, Mace Buyer.

5:07🔗 Drew Well, he basically is talking about sex change. That's what it means.

5:11🔗 Dr. Alter Dr. I was halfway interested in it, I know.

5:15🔗 Adam You thought maybe you'd move it around.

5:17🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, and there's certain things on the menu, like steak tartare, sounds great, and not just raw hamburger meat with a quail egg in it.

5:26🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, no, forget it.

5:27🔗 Dr. Alter It sounded great, steak tartare, but no, no, it's raw. I don't want it, no.

5:31🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, that's what general reassignment says. General reassignment, some steak tartare, sign me up. Just bring it on. No, whatever it is, surprise me.

5:41🔗 Adam What are you allowed to, what do you refer to this as on radio now?

5:45🔗 Dr. Alter Genital reassignment?

5:46🔗 Adam Genital, I mean, if you, what would you call your male part?

5:49🔗 Dr. Alter You can call it your penis, your honker, your dork.

5:52🔗 Drew I'm a physician, you can say whatever you want.

5:54🔗 Dr. Alter That's right, that's right.

5:55🔗 Adam Well, like the reassignment at first, like for a layman, I guess it would sound like you're moving it to like your side of your stomach or something.

6:02🔗 Mm-hmm.

6:02🔗 Dr. Alter Well, let me explain.

6:05🔗 Drew Let the expert talk.

6:06🔗 Dr. Alter He just wrote a few books on it.

6:08🔗 Drew You know, what do I know?

6:10🔗 Dr. Alter No, I'll tell you what you know.

6:12🔗 Drew Here's the thing about general reassignment.

6:15🔗 Dr. Alter Doctor, you'll agree with me on this one. There are certain things in society that are just a little more palatable if we put a nicer term to them such as when a woman donates an egg for $5,000. You see what I'm saying? It's not donating for $5,000. It's a woman selling her eggs for $5,000, but she feels like she feels trashy or it's not a great, no one wants to say I'm selling this for some donating an egg for $5,000. Genital reassignment. I don't want to say junk being lopped off. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth. So we call it genital reassignment.

6:49🔗 Drew We don't lop it off. We kind of re-position.

6:53🔗 Dr. Alter You reposition it. Yeah. So if you were doing this to AJ, for instance, how would it work? I mean, just physiologically. You have to hold them down.

7:07🔗 Drew Do you want me to explain the surgery?

7:09🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, what is the male?

7:10🔗 Drew How do I do the surgery?

7:11🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, male to female. Typical male to female, which is the lion's share of the reassignment work.

7:18🔗 Drew In other words, you're asking how I do the operation. Well, the way it's done is, at least the way I do it, is the vagina is made out of the skin of the penis. And also to make it deeper is you take some of the skin from the scrotum. And you make a space, there's a potential space that you have to dissect out between the rectum and the bladder. So you make that space and then you invert the skin of the penis.

7:48🔗 Dr. Alter Right.

7:49🔗 Drew And you add on some of the scrotal skin that you've removed from the scrotum. And that lines the vagina.

7:55🔗 Dr. Alter How many stages? How many operate?

7:57🔗 Drew Is this one?

7:57🔗 Dr. Alter One. This is an evening? I mean, afternoon?

8:00🔗 Drew Well, it's more than a morning. This is...

8:02🔗 Dr. Alter I mean, you're...

8:03🔗 Drew It's morning into mid-afternoon.

8:05🔗 Dr. Alter So, I mean, in the...

8:07🔗 Drew But that's only part of it, you know. And then I make a clitoris.

8:11🔗 Dr. Alter Sure.

8:11🔗 Drew So that there's sensation. So what I do is I take a little portion of the head of the penis and I keep all the nerves attached and I keep the vessels attached so it's living. That's nice.

8:21🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, my God.

8:22🔗 Drew And then I put it where a normal clitoris is because the head of the penis... The penis and the clitoris, they come from the same origin, embryologically, when you're a fetus. So if you save the nerves and a little piece of the head of the penis, you can make sensation there, and these women are orgasmic.

8:43🔗 Dr. Alter Now what about the urethra?

8:47🔗 Drew You cut it off naturally, of course, where a normal female urethra would be.

8:55🔗 Dr. Alter Okay, so again, we're just talking AJ for a second.

8:59🔗 Drew Thanks for using me as an example. Bring out the book or show the photos.

9:03🔗 Dr. Alter I would... You know, the thing about that book is it hurts teeth that I don't even have. It hurts my baby teeth. It hurts teeth that I haven't had since the fourth grade. That's watching. You got to see the book. They're pulling skin out of forearms.

9:19🔗 Drew Here it is.

9:20🔗 Dr. Alter Okay, so AJ comes in and you start operating at noon.

9:25🔗 Drew No, no. We like to start early.

9:27🔗 Dr. Alter Let's just call it noon for the sake of math. Okay. You're starting at noon.

9:32🔗 Drew I'll sleep in.

9:33🔗 Dr. Alter First move is...

9:34🔗 Drew The first move... The first move is to remove some of the skin of the scrotum that I'm going to use to make the vagina.

9:42🔗 Dr. Alter Put it aside.

9:43🔗 Adam Does the hair stay on the scrotum while it's...

9:45🔗 Drew Excellent question.

9:46🔗 Adam Good question. Excellent, excellent.

9:47🔗 Drew Because you don't want a hairy vagina.

9:49🔗 Adam No.

9:49🔗 Drew So what we do is the patients have undergone electrolysis first. So the hair is removed.

9:54🔗 Dr. Alter Scrotal electrolysis.

9:55🔗 Drew Exactly.

9:57🔗 Dr. Alter So all the hair is then removed from the scrotum so it's like Mr. Clean's head.

10:02🔗 Drew Absolutely.

10:03🔗 Dr. Alter And you then remove a portion and put it aside.

10:05🔗 Drew Put it aside.

10:06🔗 Dr. Alter What do you put it in?

10:07🔗 Drew You put it in a sponge that's soaked in saltwater saline or it's kind of blood soaked so that it stays damp.

10:15🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, you get the blood?

10:16🔗 Drew Just put it on this.

10:17🔗 Dr. Alter Where do you get the blood? Thousand virgins? You get the blood from the patient earlier?

10:24🔗 Drew No, no. It's just basically you pretty much usually put it in just saline. All right.

10:28🔗 Dr. Alter So you set the scrotum aside.

10:30🔗 Drew Then the second thing you do, and I know this is going to make you crush your legs, is you remove the testicles.

10:36🔗 Dr. Alter Remove the testicles. All right. Now the testicles are removed. Where do those go? Garbage disposal? Those go out, right?

10:44🔗 Drew Those are gone.

10:44🔗 Dr. Alter Those are just a wrist rocket into the neighbor's yard?

10:48🔗 Drew They go to the pathologist.

10:49🔗 Dr. Alter Okay.

10:50🔗 Adam Have you ever asked to save those? Do people want to ever keep them in a jar?

10:54🔗 Drew I had one ask, but we didn't.

10:56🔗 Dr. Alter You won't do that?

10:57🔗 Drew No.

10:59🔗 Adam Really demented.

11:00🔗 Dr. Alter Let's not get crazy here, fellas.

11:01🔗 Drew I mean, come on.

11:02🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

11:02🔗 Adam These uterus are pretty geographic.

11:04🔗 Drew Yes. All right.

11:05🔗 Dr. Alter So now the scrotum's gone and the skin's gone. We've removed the testicles. Penis still there.

11:11🔗 Drew Penis still there.

11:12🔗 Dr. Alter Now the guy wakes up and realizes he's made a horrible mistake. What do you do?

11:15🔗 Drew Bad anesthesia.

11:16🔗 Dr. Alter All right. So he's still under. Where are we? Two hours into this thing?

11:20🔗 Drew No, no, no. Ten minutes? No. That's about a half hour. Not even.

11:27🔗 Dr. Alter All right. Now the penis is there.

11:30🔗 Drew Then I make a circumcision incision.

11:33🔗 Dr. Alter Where around the penis?

11:34🔗 Drew Around underneath the head of the penis, I go all the way around, make a circumcision incision.

11:39🔗 Dr. Alter Right. And now what?

11:40🔗 Drew And then I free the skin off of the shaft of the penis.

11:43🔗 Dr. Alter By going down or up with it?

11:45🔗 Drew Kind of like, you know, you can kind of go both ways now because part, you got a hole in the scrotum.

11:50🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, I see. Yeah. It'll pull either way.

11:52🔗 Drew Okay, so you free up the penis from the skin.

11:56🔗 Dr. Alter Right. Right.

11:57🔗 Drew So now do you take it off?

11:58🔗 Dr. Alter Do you physically take it all the way off?

12:00🔗 Drew Yeah. And then you, you, you've got the erection chambers right at the head of the penis all attached. Right.

12:07🔗 Dr. Alter Right.

12:07🔗 Drew And you push it out.

12:09🔗 Dr. Alter Now it's a, now it's a, it's skin. It's all attached. It's like a deer carcass. It has been stripped.

12:13🔗 Drew No, no.

12:15🔗 Dr. Alter No, I mean, it's what it looks like.

12:17🔗 Drew Then you kind of move it away from the skin.

12:20🔗 Dr. Alter Right.

12:20🔗 Drew Okay, so now you've got the skin that's sitting there attached to its blood flow.

12:25🔗 Dr. Alter Right.

12:26🔗 Drew Separated from the erection chambers in the head of the penis.

12:29🔗 Dr. Alter Right. And now you remove the erection chambers?

12:32🔗 Drew Then the next step, actually the way I do it in the next step is we make the, make the, I tie off the base of the erection chambers so that there's not much blood going into it.

12:42🔗 Dr. Alter What is, when does the sort of augering out of the vaginal cavity begin?

12:48🔗 Drew That's the next step.

12:49🔗 Dr. Alter That's where you get in. What is in there, by the way?

12:51🔗 Drew There's nothing there.

12:52🔗 Dr. Alter Nothing there.

12:53🔗 Drew No, there's a space there that you spread.

12:54🔗 Dr. Alter I've always had a feeling I could be more efficient with my gut. You know what I mean? Like there's pockets, like my body's a closet.

13:02🔗 Drew Well, let me put it to it.

13:02🔗 Dr. Alter And there's more space for another sweater.

13:04🔗 Drew Well, Adam, there is space for a vagina in you.

13:07🔗 Dr. Alter That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

13:09🔗 Drew Your dream can come true.

13:11🔗 Dr. Alter There's probably some penis space in there.

13:13🔗 Drew I get it, actually.

13:14🔗 Dr. Alter Unfortunately.

13:17🔗 Drew I get emails from people, I mean, I get some really bizarre emails from people that say, listen, I don't want to be a girl, but I want a penis and a vagina. And those go in my section under weirdos. Oh, really? Yeah. But now, I mean, come on.

13:36🔗 Dr. Alter All right. But you know my position. Everybody wants their penis lopped off is insane.

13:41🔗 Drew That's right.

13:43🔗 Adam AJ, you can't do the surgery until the person has been evaluated and they're insane.

13:47🔗 Drew Yeah, the patient has gone through actually years of preparation.

13:52🔗 Dr. Alter Well, not always years.

13:54🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least a couple of years.

13:56🔗 Adam And there are many doctors.

13:57🔗 Drew Because what they have to do is they have to see a psychiatrist for at least a year. They have to live as they've chosen sex for at least a year. I mean, that means live full time.

14:07🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, we had a guy in here who was telling us they could expedite that whole process.

14:12🔗 Drew A little bit, sometimes in some cases, but usually...

14:15🔗 Dr. Alter Get you on the fast track to a new vagina.

14:18🔗 Drew No, that's, you see, that's why he got in the...

14:20🔗 Dr. Alter I know guys downtown. I could get a vagina in like nine weeks.

14:25🔗 Adam You got to know the right guys.

14:26🔗 Drew You got to know the right guys.

14:27🔗 Adam But they leave hair on yours.

14:29🔗 Drew You got to know the guys in Mexico. They'll do it for you.

14:32🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, so, and how many guys are there in Los Angeles who do this?

14:36🔗 Drew I'm the only one. I know, yeah.

14:38🔗 Dr. Alter Wow. And, and we had a guy in here. What was his name, Chris, Eve or Renee? We had Renee in here who was a female who went to a male who you don't hear about that very often. And they did a whole biography about that.

14:56🔗 Drew I, the fit, the male, the female, that was a showtime.

14:59🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

14:59🔗 Drew It was the opposite sex. And the female, the male, I did that show. That was with Jamie. Right.

15:05🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, yeah. Well, this Renee, Renee was very bitter, by the way. She didn't seem any happier with the new genitalia.

15:10🔗 Drew Nobody's my hero except for Jesus.

15:13🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, he loves Jesus, so I'll tell you that.

15:14🔗 Drew Well, I'll tell you one of the problems with the female...

15:17🔗 Dr. Alter Let's see how Jesus does with him when he shows up at the pearly gates.

15:20🔗 Drew One of the problems with the female, the male, is that the expectations...

15:24🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah. It's hard to make good penis.

15:26🔗 Drew It really is hard to make good penis. It really is.

15:29🔗 Dr. Alter How good could you make a vagina? I mean...

15:31🔗 Drew Oh, good.

15:32🔗 Dr. Alter I mean, I would know the difference.

15:34🔗 Drew Yeah.

15:34🔗 Dr. Alter I wouldn't know. You wouldn't know.

15:36🔗 Drew He might know. I don't know.

15:38🔗 Dr. Alter I've only seen pictures.

15:43🔗 Drew The guys in a band. Come on, man.

15:47🔗 Dr. Alter I saw my grandmother once when I was getting out of the pool in her bathing suit slid down. It was, it was been 27 years now. But really, could you, could you, could you do it? It's good.

15:58🔗 Drew Really good. Really good. And in fact, usually, usually one's sitting and then, but sometimes some of the patients want to be, you know, tweaked a little bit better. So, could they come back for a second?

16:12🔗 Adam What about like the natural lubrication process, does that happen still?

16:16🔗 Drew Good question. AJ, you know.

16:20🔗 Dr. Alter He knows the time. He's thinking of having you sew one of these into his guitar case when he goes on the run.

16:30🔗 Adam No, there is not. For instance, put it in an anvil case or something.

16:37🔗 Dr. Alter You know how long it is to fly to Australia, for instance?

16:40🔗 Dr. Alter You know what I'm saying?

16:42🔗 Dr. Alter That's 12, 13 hours in a plane. These guys are used to breaking some off every five, six hours.

16:50🔗 Drew What about lubrication with the technique where you use the skin? There is no natural lubrication. But I think most women before they have sex, they go to the bathroom. So what happens is a lot of the women will go to the bathroom and then they'll have a little astroglide or some kind of lubricant squirt a little in.

17:11🔗 Dr. Alter Is that what they do? Well, that's what his gal pals do.

17:16🔗 Drew And then a lot of women, just regular women, don't lubricate well either.

17:21🔗 Dr. Alter Do you think a guy, a sober guy could tell a year after you did the procedure on somebody? Just that particular part? Forget about Adam's apple or voice or anything like that.

17:33🔗 Drew I'm telling you that with mine and some of the other people that do them, it's difficult to tell unless you really know the anatomy. And I will honestly tell you a lot of guys, they're clueless. They don't know anatomy.

17:49🔗 Dr. Alter Remember like there was a Jenny Jones episode five years ago where a guy came out, told his neighbor he was gay and had a crush on him. Then his neighbor killed him and then they sued Jenny Jones. Don't you think one day some guy is going to F some he, she and then find you and try to kill you and blame you? Do you know what I'm saying? Freak out when he finds out afterward and come after you.

18:12🔗 Drew I don't think he's going to come after me. I mean, unfortunately. Remember when they went to Frankenstein's castle?

18:20🔗 Dr. Alter They were looking for the doctor, not Frankenstein. They want to get the doctor.

18:25🔗 Drew There's been a lot of violence against transsexuals.

18:28🔗 Dr. Alter I think people freak out.

18:29🔗 Drew Some people do freak out and it's really a terrible problem.

18:32🔗 Dr. Alter Close-minded people, not me.

18:35🔗 Drew Of course not.

18:35🔗 Dr. Alter No, I don't judge.

18:37🔗 Drew Never.

18:38🔗 Dr. Alter He does.

18:38🔗 Drew Of course.

18:40🔗 Dr. Alter I don't.

18:41🔗 Drew Never.

18:43🔗 Dr. Alter God bless you on the work you do.

18:45🔗 Dr. Alter You're really doing the Lord's work.

18:46🔗 Adam You make vaginas.

18:48🔗 Dr. Alter You make vaginas.

18:49🔗 Adam Not a lot of guys could say that.

18:51🔗 Drew I do a lot of vaginal surgery on women who want to look prettier down there.

18:57🔗 Adam Do you do the surgery where you make like after a few kids or they want it to...

19:01🔗 Drew Tightening. I personally don't do the tightening, but what I do is... Too simple. Like the outer lips.

19:06🔗 Adam Right.

19:07🔗 Drew Or the inner lips are too big or whatever. I do shaping of that.

19:11🔗 Dr. Alter Cosmetic stuff, too.

19:13🔗 Drew Yeah, cosmetic stuff.

19:15🔗 Dr. Alter What kind of doctor do your parents think you're going to be?

19:20🔗 Dr. Alter We won't get into that.

19:21🔗 Dr. Alter They're horrible.

19:26🔗 Drew He loves getting on my parents. My mom's listening to this now, so what the heck?

19:32🔗 Dr. Alter 120 grand worth of college.

19:34🔗 Adam So you teach as well?

19:36🔗 Drew I'm on faculty.

19:37🔗 Dr. Alter This is your book here.

19:40🔗 Dr. Alter Justin. Hello. You're 18? Wow. You're 18. You sound like an old miner. I've just been swinging out of a jug and yelling, They're silver in them heels? You're 18, Justin.

20:02🔗 Dr. Alter Yes, sir.

20:03🔗 Dr. Alter All right. What's your question?

20:05🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I got this front collar down there and we want to know how much it would cost to go from a male genitalia to a female genitalia and a plastic surgery like an average of how much it would cost to go down there.

20:18🔗 Dr. Alter How much? What is the average cost? And first, I don't know where you're calling from, but I'm guessing you're going to have to fly out from wherever you are because I don't think Mr. Haney is going to be able to pull it off is all I'm saying.

20:30🔗 Dr. Alter Now, what is it?

20:32🔗 Dr. Alter And forget about the hormones and the therapy and all, just nuts and bolts. Right.

20:37🔗 Drew Well, it varies different parts of the world. I'll tell you what, it costs about $27,000 here.

20:44🔗 Dr. Alter Reasonable.

20:45🔗 Drew But I mean, a lot of people obviously can't afford that.

20:48🔗 Dr. Alter So you have people going to Thailand and Mexico and it's $27,000 just includes everything and nuts, as we say in the TV business, just beginning to end, but just the junk, the surgical just right, including the hospital anesthesia, right, right, right. But we're not talking about breast implants or hormone therapy or anything like that. Just $27,000.

21:12🔗 Adam That seems pretty reasonable for what they want done, I guess.

21:15🔗 Drew Yeah. You know, it's a long surgery and six days in the hospital.

21:19🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, it is.

21:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

21:20🔗 Adam It's pretty much like artwork as well.

21:22🔗 Drew And it's like, there is a certain aesthetic aspect to it. Definitely. Yeah.

21:26🔗 Dr. Alter Well, I'll tell you, it's easy to make fun of for obvious reasons. It's a bizarre profession, but I don't know what could be more difficult. I don't know what could be a taller order on the difficulty scale than taking that and turning into this. You know what I mean? And I don't even it to me, I marvel at how people even figured it out when it started, how you, you know, learn your technique. Don't tell me. I'm just saying it's sort of like the, you know, the first guy to eat a lobster. Just sort of who did it? Who did it first? Who decided it was a good idea? And who to me, it seemed like a drunken bet, the lobster and the genital reassignment. Lit is here. Oh, is it too late to your song, Anderson? I got I got all going with Dr. Alter.

22:12🔗 Drew I know.

22:13🔗 Dr. Alter We're going to take a break. And Alter, Alter's his name.

22:16🔗 Drew It's Gary, Gary Alter.

22:18🔗 Dr. Alter Gary Alter.

22:18🔗 Drew It's not just, you know, Alter.

22:20🔗 Dr. Alter But yeah. Well, you know, I had a respect. I call you Doctor.

22:23🔗 Drew Well, I appreciate that. I got to get some respect here.

22:26🔗 Dr. Alter I just I think people might think that Dr. Alter is like the rug doctor. You know what I mean? Oh, it's not he's not a real rug. That's not his name. He cleans carpets. No, but no, it's really my name. Is your name?

22:38🔗 Drew Gary Alter. Oh, yeah, that's his name. It really is.

22:41🔗 Dr. Alter That's right.

22:42🔗 Drew I was meant to do this.

22:44🔗 Dr. Alter Your daughter, where's the rug doctor? Seeming mad at dirt.

22:48🔗 Drew Taylor, whatever.

22:49🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah. Lit here tonight, name of their CD, Lit. And we'll hear something off it after this.

23:04🔗 As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it. To find a testing location near you, call toll free, 1-866-344-KNOW.

23:29🔗 Dr. Alter Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam.

23:31🔗 Dr. Alter That's Dr. Alter, Dr. Gary Alter, filling in for Dr. Drew tonight. AJ and Alan, both here tonight from Lit. Jeremy and Kevin coming in from Lit in the 11 o'clock hour. Lit. Yeah, where is Dr. Drew? Dr. Drew is in Boston on a little family vacation, and Dr. Alter came in here to talk about reassignment some months ago, and frankly, we fell in love with the man.

24:00🔗 Drew Well, thanks.

24:00🔗 Dr. Alter We really did, and a good guy, and a brilliant, a brilliant guy. So he's in here tonight, and although you could answer most of the medical questions that popped up, plastic surgery and things of urology and that sort of stuff, genital reconstruction, reassignment, lots of working on women, and this is a newer subject, the idea of enhancing the female vagina, at least aesthetically, something that didn't exist some years ago. Now, women, there's a lot of women that are self-conscious about that part of their body.

24:39🔗 Drew Amazing numbers of women are very self-conscious.

24:41🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I don't think they know that guys are not as, I mean, we look at it, okay, here's what I'm gonna say. A lot of chefs think presentation is more important than the taste of the food. As guys, we don't even look down, we just start eating. Do you know what I'm saying? We want a good steak. I don't care about the garni around it so much. I mean, I don't want the thing to look like someone pounded their fist into it, but I'm just saying we're not as uptight about presentation as you guys are. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, well, that's a straight thing.

25:13🔗 Drew Yeah, but I think that's to some extent changing a little bit too. I think guys are more aware of the aesthetics down there too. But I will say that most of the women that come to see me, they come to see me because they personally are concerned and they are afraid that a guy will be put off by it. Whereas most guys are just glad to be there.

25:35🔗 Dr. Alter Guys never say anything.

25:37🔗 Dr. Alter You know what?

25:38🔗 Drew Occasionally guys do say something.

25:39🔗 Dr. Alter I've had an experience where it was, Not good.

25:43🔗 No.

25:43🔗 Drew Turns you off.

25:45🔗 Dr. Alter It can happen.

25:46🔗 Yeah, like a big piece of the bubble yum.

25:49🔗 Dr. Alter Oh really?

25:50🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, it was bad. Wow, could have been one of Alter's jobs.

25:54🔗 Dr. Alter No, no.

25:54🔗 Dr. Alter That was a dude.

25:55🔗 Dr. Alter Early on. Oh yeah.

25:56🔗 Dr. Alter That was when he was in junior high. He was still working on some of the bugs.

26:05🔗 Dr. Alter Okay, yeah, no, it can be nasty.

26:10🔗 Dr. Alter It can go south. I'm just saying oftentimes women who get freaked out about stuff like stretch marks or asymmetry in the brass and that sort of stuff, guys don't really.

26:20🔗 Drew Right, guys don't care most of the time.

26:22🔗 Dr. Alter Most of the time. But once in a while, you do see something that needs some work and that's where Alter steps in. That's right.

26:31🔗 Drew I'm there for them if they need me. Yeah.

26:33🔗 Dr. Alter And then plus it's nice. You get all the consultations, all the hot chicks with the eating disorders, you don't feel good about themselves coming in, just pow, skirt right over their head. You're just looking scratchy.

26:44🔗 Adam Let's see how bad it really is.

26:45🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I give it a seven.

26:48🔗 Adam Wait, let me see it again.

26:49🔗 Dr. Alter Let's give it the taste test. No, he doesn't do it. No, not his thing. That's for other, that's for dentists. Follow the book. All right. Let's see, a guy could do worse for himself. That's all I'm saying. All right, who are we talking to? We'll take one call, then we're gonna hear a lit song. We're gonna hear some lit songs. Danger boob implants. There's Becky. Let's talk to her, see what she's got. Becky? Already thinking about boob implants, huh?

27:24🔗 Well, like I've been talking to my friends and everything and then they like, and I've seen it on the internet where like they could have like problems and like stretch marks and stuff.

27:33🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, but why are you thinking about it so young?

27:36🔗 It's because I've got like really small boobs. They're like flat.

27:41🔗 Dr. Alter But they could, you know, they could, I subscribe to magazines that focus on that particular part of women and they all got the same story, which is, you know, flat is a two by four and then all of a sudden, the junior year of high school, pow!

27:56🔗 Drew Well, nobody's gonna operate on her for a while, for years. In fact, we, with breast implants, generally speaking, most plastic surgeons aren't gonna touch the girl until she's at least 18.

28:07🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, can you do it at 16? I mean, can you do it?

28:11🔗 Drew There's no law that says you can't, but generally speaking, we're not gonna do it because a girl, you know, you wanna make sure that her breasts are completely grown and developed.

28:20🔗 Dr. Alter What about genital reassignment? Is there some sort of cutoff for that?

28:24🔗 Drew Well, you don't do it until the kid's 18.

28:27🔗 Dr. Alter 18.

28:27🔗 Drew Yeah. And then, see, in LA, Children's Hospital has a genital, a transsexual clinic for kids.

28:38🔗 Dr. Alter I'm sure I'm paying for that, by the way, through my hard-earned tax dollars.

28:42🔗 Drew I hope so.

28:43🔗 Dr. Alter Fantastic. Meanwhile, it takes the cops four hours to get over the house.

28:47🔗 Drew This is Children's Hospital.

28:48🔗 Dr. Alter Fantastic. All right, I'm just gonna pay for all the kids that get the junk swapped out, because our uncle grabbed them when there were four.

28:53🔗 Drew They've got nothing to do with that. Keep going, keep going.

28:55🔗 Dr. Alter I'll pay for it all. Let's keep going. It's a worthy cause.

28:58🔗 Drew So anyhow, so if somebody's gonna be done at that young age, obviously they've been, they would have had to have been through such a program for many years prior and have support of the parents, et cetera.

29:10🔗 Dr. Alter All right, so, hey, Becky. Yeah? You know, and here's the whole thing about the modest chest on the women. Another thing that most guys don't mind as much as women think they mind. I don't know any guy who's really had any complaint. I've heard more complaints about too big rather than too small for just your average guy around the office.

29:32🔗 Drew Well, I think now the tendency, at least in LA, is not as big as it was 10 years ago. And if guys were, I mean, it was getting carried away 10 years ago. These girls would come in and went to these gigantic implants, which do create more problems than smaller implants.

29:47🔗 Dr. Alter But I'm just saying, whenever you take a look at the five or ten top starlets every year, the actresses, I don't know if it's Jennifer Aniston or Julia Roberts or whoever it is, they're always just sort of B-Cup slash C-Cup. There's never, unfortunately, for guys like me, you know, American men, heterosexual, you know, guys like me, they're always fairly sort of modest. You know, it's always like, you know, Goldie Hawn's daughter or something. It's these sort of like B-Cups, these willowy B-Cups that float around. And this is what everyone, it's everyone's idea of a model. So I don't know where women get the idea because guys all are after these women.

30:30🔗 Adam Yeah, and all guys are different. So it's some guys like them, but bigger than a handful. Yeah.

30:35🔗 Dr. Alter Right, most guys I know aren't into anything above a C. So Becky.

30:40🔗 Adam Do you have a cute butt? How's your butt?

30:41🔗 Dr. Alter That's what guys are into. We all agree on the ass.

30:44🔗 Adam They'll be able to balance out.

30:45🔗 Dr. Alter Except for the black man.

30:46🔗 Adam Are you happy with your butt?

30:48🔗 I have a nice ass.

30:50🔗 Adam Don't worry about your chest then. Yeah.

30:52🔗 But I was just like wondering like the health issues that it could cause.

30:57🔗 Drew Well, they've done studies which really show that about 20% of women within three to five years who have breast implants are gonna need a secondary operation for one cause or the other, i.e. a leak of the implant, malposition of the implant, firmness around one or both of the implants where you have to remove the scar tissue or infection.

31:23🔗 Dr. Alter Within five years.

31:24🔗 Drew Within five years. So if a woman is gonna get a breast implant, she has to realize that it's probably not gonna be her only operation. She's gonna, certainly over her lifetime, will almost certainly have more than one operation and in some cases, many, many operations and it can open up a Pandora's box. So before you have a breast implant, then you really have to be aware of that. I mean, you just, as long as you know the risks and possible downsize. And basically, my feeling is if you, the bigger you put in, if you put in the giant ones, you're gonna have a higher chance of getting malposition problems, stretch marks, et cetera. And if you just keep it.

32:05🔗 Dr. Alter Guys really gnawing away on those babies too. You know what I mean? They're working them like joysticks.

32:10🔗 Drew American men like you.

32:12🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, working it like the yoke of a bomber that's going down in World War II. We gotta clear the mountains. I like when guys talk to their planes in these movies. You know, that's what I do. All right, let's hear something from Lit. What do you say? Sweet. This is off the new CD, which is just out in stores. It's called Lit, the CD, and the song, you ready there, Chris, is called Looks Like They Were Right. AJ and Alan are here now. Jeremy and Kevin are gonna be coming in after the 11 o'clock break. Dr. Gary Alter, board certified in plastic surgery and urology here tonight. I would call the world's foremost expert in genital reassignment. At least you know more about it than anyone I know.

36:56🔗 Drew That counts for something.

37:00🔗 Dr. Alter Yes, yes, and wrote a book that's as thick as many of the penises he removes and filled with pictures.

37:10🔗 Drew Beautiful pictures.

37:11🔗 Dr. Alter Beautiful, beautiful graphic pictures. And listen, you wanna get your kids to quit masturbating. Don't take away the internet, get them this.

37:20🔗 Drew I think on amazon.com it's number 700,000 on the bestselling list.

37:24🔗 Dr. Alter Really? Yeah, go, I'm telling you, what's it called? Give it a plug.

37:30🔗 Drew Reconstruction, reconstructive and plastic surgery of the external genitalia.

37:34🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, show that to the kids.

37:36🔗 Drew Oh, it's a good coffee table.

37:37🔗 Adam It's a pretty serious looking cover, too. There's no bells and whistles about this.

37:42🔗 Dr. Alter No, it's not a pop-up book.

37:44🔗 Adam No.

37:45🔗 Dr. Alter There's no scratch and sniff, thank Christ.

37:48🔗 Adam Good thing there's no picture on the cover.

37:49🔗 Dr. Alter There's no dedication.

37:52🔗 Drew No, there isn't dedication.

37:56🔗 Dr. Alter Really? Oh, twisting the knife.

38:00🔗 Dr. Alter They sent him to medical school so he could have a nice Beverly Hills practice and now look what he's doing. No, I know. I know it's gotta be tough. My parents aren't disappointed in me, but they never expected anything. Your parents set the bar too high. That's why they're disappointed. Yeah, it's tough. See, my parents figured I would just be working at the Y right now, so it's all craving, all craving. Your parents expected great things out of you. Yeah, disappointing.

38:30🔗 Dr. Alter All right, Lit in studio.

38:35🔗 Dr. Alter In studio tonight.

38:36🔗 Dr. Alter We'll take a little break. We'll be right back. You know, Drew, smelling good is more than a smell. It's an attitude.

38:47🔗 Dr. Alter That's true, Adam.

38:48🔗 Dr. Alter It is? How?

38:51🔗 Dr. Alter With Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

39:14🔗 Dr. Alter Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Gary Alter. Dr. Alter filling in for Dr. Drew. Board certified and all that good stuff. AJ and Alan, both here tonight from Lit. Lit, name of the CD. Go to www.littleounge.com, and you can find out all the shows are gonna be on and when they're coming to a town near you. All right, let's see if we can take some calls. I'll just start with whoever's been on hold the longest. And that would be Anna. Anna. You're 15? Yeah. You're a virgin? Anna.

39:54🔗 Dr. Alter Anna.

39:54🔗 Dr. Alter It's not Anna. How do you spell that?

39:57🔗 Dr. Alter A-N-N-A.

39:57🔗 Dr. Alter All right, which I would think would be Anna, but it's Anna?

40:02🔗 Dr. Alter Mm-hmm.

40:02🔗 Dr. Alter I'm putting you on hold. I don't like when people pronounce names that are spelled differently. It pisses me off. No, it's not Andrew. It's Andrea. It's Anna. You're on hold. You corrected me. I think names need to be like words. That there's no stop. It's S-T-O-P, and there's one way to pronounce it, and that's it. Because everyone just goes around correcting everybody on how to spell their name and how it's pronounced. Screw all you. Let's just agree on it and call the whole thing off.

40:36🔗 Dr. Alter Whatever the song is.

40:37🔗 Adam What's the origin?

40:38🔗 Dr. Alter I'm just saying, every single person Anna encounters reads her name and says Anna, and then she corrects that.

40:47🔗 Drew It would be tiring. It would get kind of exhausting.

40:49🔗 Dr. Alter Yes, don't do it.

40:50🔗 Adam Change your name to Anna.

40:51🔗 Dr. Alter Matt, you'll tell us from my time. Anna?

40:55🔗 Dr. Alter Uh-huh.

40:56🔗 Dr. Alter What's your question, Anna?

40:58🔗 Dr. Alter I'm afraid to have sex with my boyfriend because I'm afraid it'll change our relationship.

41:02🔗 Dr. Alter All right. Does everyone who reads your name call you Anna, by the way? All right, and you correct them? Okay, you didn't say all the time, so I didn't hit the thing. Don't do it anymore. Leave him alone. Your friends know you as Anna, and that's how you know the difference between your friends and strangers. Strangers know you as Anna. That's right. Okay. And if you're ever kidnapped or anything and some suspicious character is talking to the police and says, oh, yeah, Anna's a great friend of mine, then you know he's guilty. And also there's a music sting that lets the audience know as well. I'm a little surreal there, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah. All right, Anna. So your boyfriend wants sex from you. How old is he? And you're not ready for it yet.

41:48🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, I kind of am. I'm just afraid it'll change what we have.

41:51🔗 Dr. Alter Mm-hmm.

41:54🔗 Dr. Alter Blue balls. And it'll just be all about sex and just, yeah.

41:57🔗 Dr. Alter Right. And he's hoping it'll change what you have. He's hoping it'll change what you have, but he has which is nothing. So how long have you been going out?

42:08🔗 Dr. Alter Three years, on and off.

42:10🔗 Dr. Alter On and off. Now why on and off?

42:13🔗 Dr. Alter I really don't know why. It's just, we keep breaking up, deciding that we don't want to be with each other and then we start going back out.

42:22🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, it's usually a bad sign, by the way, and I don't know what you guys think about this, but these relationships that last for years from 14 to 19, everyone usually ends up regretting them. They pass by all their high school glory years and stuff hooked on to one person or in and out of something that they should have just gotten out of.

42:44🔗 Adam When you're that age, I don't know if I regretted anything from that age, because that was like, you're 14, he's 15?

42:51🔗 Caller I'm 15, he's 15.

42:53🔗 Adam Oh, you're both 15. That's like the first time I think I had sex, I was 15 and it's like, I remember the girl and we went out for a while and it was cool and it would suck to think that every 15 year old that has sex for the first time is gonna end up marrying that person. I mean, you grow so much from that point in your life till.

43:10🔗 Dr. Alter Well, do you wanna marry the person you have sex with for the first time?

43:14🔗 Adam Well, yeah, that's the point I guess.

43:17🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, you do?

43:18🔗 Dr. Alter We've already talked about getting married and everything.

43:20🔗 Dr. Alter Is he a virgin too?

43:22🔗 Dr. Alter He's had sex with one other person.

43:24🔗 Adam Maybe you'll have sex with them and realize you don't wanna be with them anymore.

43:29🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, here's the thing. Here it's the old adage, which if you have to ask how much you can't afford as the joke goes, although I'm probably butchering it. So the point is, Ana, if you're calling, you got a lot of question marks around this and that means you're not ready. So give it some time. That's fine. And the fact that you guys have been going out for two years and on and off suggests to me that, you know, maybe you're trying to make a relationship out of something that maybe wasn't meant to be. And maybe how to just, you know, take some time for yourself.

44:02🔗 Drew And you're 15, why are you talking about marriage? Yeah. It's crazy.

44:07🔗 Dr. Alter Well, she's calling from Missouri.

44:08🔗 Dr. Alter So she's an old mate.

44:10🔗 Dr. Alter You don't get married by 15 and a half. You're considered a spinster. Yeah, you should have few kids by now.

44:18🔗 Dr. Alter All right, yeah.

44:19🔗 Adam I think Adam's right. I think you should buy Hold Off.

44:21🔗 Dr. Alter Ana, and by the way, this is Ana. Go over in Missouri. It's gonna be a disaster over there. All right, listen, Ana, you shouldn't be getting married. Here's really when you should be getting married. Double your life. I mean, you're 15 now, get married when you're 30. Yeah. All right, here's the thing. The sources of many of this world's problems could be traced back to people having sex too early, spitting out kids too early, getting married too early. You don't know what you're doing at 15. You don't know what you're doing at 19. You should really be getting married in your late 20s, sometimes even early 30s. There's nobody I know who's made it into the 30s or 40s who doesn't look back at themselves at 19 and realize they're practically and functionally retarded. Even the great Dr. Drew is a man of exquisite passion, as well as an eloquent man will admit that at 19, his head was spinning like a whirling dervish. He knew nothing and he's a brilliant man. Well, he's okay. Alter's smarter than he is. Don't leave that stool. Drew will come back and find your ass in it. I'll talk to him in the parking lot and he's gone.

45:33🔗 Dr. Alter He's history.

45:36🔗 Dr. Alter I'll just be hammering his checks. I'll pay you out of my own pocket. So the deal?

45:40🔗 Dr. Alter You got it.

45:41🔗 Dr. Alter All right, he gets paid the same as me. Can you believe that?

45:44🔗 Drew I'm shocked.

45:45🔗 Dr. Alter It is shocking.

45:46🔗 Drew It is shocking.

45:47🔗 Dr. Alter Where is he?

45:49🔗 Drew The guy's out in Boston or wherever.

45:58🔗 Dr. Alter He's drunk at some bar right now, probably the one where they filmed Cheers.

46:04🔗 Drew I'll tell you, there's no justice.

46:06🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, this is zero justice.

46:07🔗 Dr. Alter Ain't nobody makes tonight, same thing I do.

46:10🔗 Dr. Alter Exactly the same amount.

46:11🔗 Drew Well, I'll tell you, no one told you to quit school.

46:13🔗 Dr. Alter I know, I know.

46:14🔗 Drew That's what it comes down to.

46:15🔗 Dr. Alter I should have.

46:15🔗 Drew And that, Ana, stay in school and don't get married.

46:18🔗 Dr. Alter Stay in school, don't get married, and don't get pregnant.

46:21🔗 Adam Wasn't she calling about sex, though?

46:22🔗 Drew What about marriage?

46:26🔗 Adam Yeah, that's, yeah, I guess that's.

46:27🔗 Drew I mean, break, she's talking marriage. She breaks with.

46:28🔗 Adam If she has sex with a guy, she's definitely gonna want to marry him.

46:30🔗 Drew She's with the guy, the same guy, she's on and off with him. Why does she want to have sex? I mean, it's with him.

46:35🔗 Dr. Alter Right, and on and off, like I said, bad sign.

46:37🔗 Drew Bad sign.

46:38🔗 Dr. Alter All right, Alter here tonight, Lit here tonight, we're gonna take a break, we're gonna say bye to AJ and Alan, and Kevin and Jeremy are gonna come in from Lit and finish the second hour with the second half of the band. We'll take ourselves a quick break and we'll be right back.

46:54🔗 Dr. Alter All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal. Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person, one call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline.

47:02🔗 Dr. Alter 877-889-DATE.

47:08🔗 Dr. Alter Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

47:10🔗 Dr. Alter 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:15🔗 Dr. Alter This hour brought you apart by Axe.

47:18🔗 Dr. Alter Experience the Axe Effect.

47:39🔗 Dr. Alter Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

47:41🔗 Dr. Alter I'm Adam, that is Dr. Alter. To my left, Dr. Gary Alter. He's a board-certified plastic surgeon and a urologist. And Jeremy and Kevin have both come in here from Lit. We're doing a little- Good to see you guys, by the way. Good to see you.

47:59🔗 Dr. Alter Good to see you, thanks for having us back.

48:01🔗 Dr. Alter My pleasure. We will hear something else off the Lit CD. Jeremy's enjoying Dr. Alter's book. Where is it on Amazon again, number what?

48:11🔗 Drew It's like number 700,422 on the BISO.

48:16🔗 Dr. Alter I'm gonna have nightmares tonight.

48:17🔗 Drew When it sells one more copy, it jumps up about 100,000. Really?

48:21🔗 Dr. Alter I still think it's outselling Drew's book.

48:24🔗 Drew Yeah, that's a bad sign.

48:27🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, yeah, that's right. Now this is, I'm telling you, anybody who's interested in the human anatomy or possibly Nazi memorabilia should pick this book up. If you're a fan.

48:41🔗 Dr. Alter This is some crazy stuff.

48:43🔗 Dr. Alter It is. There are pictures that, you know, Dr. Seuss on 20 Vicodin couldn't come up with. I mean, it is, there's some creative stuff. When you see the penis growing on the arm with the host arm on it, it is.

49:00🔗 Dr. Alter How long do you have to host the penis on your arm before it's ready to rock?

49:03🔗 Drew Well, it's all done at the same time.

49:05🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, okay.

49:06🔗 Dr. Alter So you don't have to walk around for like three months with a penis growing on your forearm.

49:09🔗 Drew But that's interesting. That's what I thought too. No, no, it's all done at the same sitting. I don't do that particular operation because it really takes a team of surgeons and it takes all day long.

49:22🔗 Dr. Alter You enjoy the vagina rather than the penis.

49:26🔗 Drew I do more of the vaginal surgery than the penile sex research.

49:30🔗 Dr. Alter You know, if I was to get into that field, I would do the same.

49:32🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah. You go with what you know. You go with what got you here.

49:38🔗 Drew What can I say?

49:39🔗 Dr. Alter You came out of the vagina. That's your specialty. You didn't come out of a penis, yes.

49:45🔗 Dr. Alter This would make a great gift for Christmas, though, this book.

49:47🔗 Drew It's a real coffee table. It's a thriller.

49:50🔗 Dr. Alter And so the penis that's actually attached to the forearm.

49:54🔗 Drew Well, what you do is-

49:55🔗 Dr. Alter How does that one work?

49:57🔗 Drew How you, there's like a pattern and you raise up the tissues of the arm-

50:03🔗 Dr. Alter On the forearm.

50:04🔗 Drew On the forearm to shape it into a penis. And in that-

50:09🔗 Dr. Alter You mean use like a template?

50:10🔗 Drew Yes, a template, but I mean, plastic surgery has come a long way. So you know with the artery, you include one of the main arteries of the forearm, the wrist, and that artery will supply the blood flow that goes to that whole group of, that whole mass of tissue. Yeah.

50:29🔗 Dr. Alter So you physically-

50:30🔗 Drew And then you also include some nerves in it and you make a urethra.

50:35🔗 Dr. Alter You sculpt the penis out of the flesh of the forearm.

50:40🔗 Drew That's correct.

50:41🔗 Dr. Alter With no other, no, you're not going to the parts bin for anything else. No. It's all just made from what is there. Correct.

50:48🔗 Drew So it's not a real penis. It's not a real penis. It's just a, it's a phallus. It's shaped like a penis, but it's not a real penis.

50:56🔗 Dr. Alter It's a penis with a hell of a grip.

50:58🔗 Drew If you've got a long forearm, you can make it pretty long.

51:02🔗 Dr. Alter So you can shape, you know, that's not your one, but one could make a fairly decent looking phallus from the forearm, which is attached via blood supply to the forearm. And then when it's done being made, and how long does that take approximately?

51:19🔗 Drew Well, that surgery is usually done with a couple teams of surgeons working at the same time so that there'll be one or two surgeons doing the forearm part while other surgeons are preparing the pelvic area. And then once the penis, everything's prepared, then you cut the artery, cut the nerves, cut the veins and transfer it over and hook it up microscopically under a microscope.

51:41🔗 Dr. Alter Does it get erect?

51:43🔗 Drew Subsequently later on, you can come back once there's some sensation.

51:48🔗 Dr. Alter You get a rod from your engine thrown in there.

51:50🔗 Drew You put a penile implant in.

51:52🔗 Dr. Alter It's a team of surgeons. By the way, meanwhile, there's some nun in the OR bleeding to death because she was stabbed by a junkie because these guys have to form a penis on some nut jobs forearm. That's the tragedy of this situation.

52:07🔗 Drew Had to be a nun, right?

52:10🔗 Dr. Alter Sister Josephine is bleeding to death in the OR. We need a surgeon.

52:20🔗 Dr. Alter How dare you for coming in here? That's how it works.

52:24🔗 Dr. Alter What's the biggest penis you've made?

52:27🔗 Drew Well, like I said, I don't do that particular. I was trying to do it, but I don't really do that.

52:30🔗 Dr. Alter What have you heard of?

52:32🔗 Drew Well, you try not to make it too large. I mean, you want it to be-

52:35🔗 Dr. Alter Two feet?

52:37🔗 Dr. Alter No.

52:37🔗 Dr. Alter It depends on how big your forearm is.

52:39🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, you want it to look. You don't want people to take notice.

52:41🔗 Dr. Alter Right. Dude, if I was going to have one done, it'd be two feet long. Yeah.

52:47🔗 Dr. Alter No, I mean, if you were going to have one-

52:48🔗 Dr. Alter Right, if I was going to have that done.

52:50🔗 Dr. Alter Right. All right. We can still, the night is young.

52:54🔗 Dr. Alter Right.

52:55🔗 Dr. Alter We're barely in the 11 o'clock hour.

52:56🔗 Dr. Alter We got time.

52:57🔗 Dr. Alter You got your junk in your trunk?

52:59🔗 Dr. Alter You got your tool bag, right?

53:01🔗 Dr. Alter Who needs a team of surgeons, man? He's all you need right here.

53:04🔗 Dr. Alter A couple more beers. We'll see what we can do. All right, let's get back to the phones and we'll speak to Ben, who's 18.

53:14🔗 Dr. Alter Ben?

53:15🔗 Dr. Alter Yes?

53:16🔗 Dr. Alter You want to know about penile enlargement?

53:20🔗 Drew What would you like to know?

53:21🔗 Dr. Alter Well, I was just kind of thinking about it because my girlfriend says that I'm small and I kind of wanted to know about the risks and stuff.

53:28🔗 Dr. Alter Hold on.

53:29🔗 Dr. Alter Did she really say you're small or did you just hear that?

53:32🔗 Dr. Alter She kind of said so.

53:35🔗 Drew Well, she's doing a real number on your head.

53:37🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah. How big is your penis? Tell them about the surgery.

53:43🔗 Drew When erect?

53:45🔗 Dr. Alter Yes. Oh, that's a cold sock in the face. When erect.

53:51🔗 Drew When erect.

53:52🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, but it's four when you're flaccid. You're in pretty good shape.

53:55🔗 Drew Well, that's why I'm asking.

53:56🔗 Dr. Alter I know. Now he's got to get the surgery. Now what about the surgery? Yeah. No, you broke the kid.

54:03🔗 Drew You broke him.

54:04🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

54:04🔗 Drew No, I got it. I got to know.

54:06🔗 Dr. Alter Maybe you just need a smaller girlfriend.

54:08🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

54:08🔗 Dr. Alter Skinnier girl.

54:09🔗 Dr. Alter Guess I'm one of them Asian.

54:10🔗 Drew Well, let me say that, you know, people come up with these measurements and they don't necessarily, it depends how you measure it.

54:16🔗 Dr. Alter Well, stop me if I'm wrong, but I measure from the center of the anus to just past the tip. That's my technique. Is that?

54:25🔗 Drew So you're long.

54:26🔗 Dr. Alter Is that official? Yeah.

54:28🔗 Drew Adam, you came out, how did you know that?

54:30🔗 Dr. Alter Center of the anus.

54:33🔗 Drew I've thought long and hard. So that's why you've been saying you got this 14 incher for a long time.

54:37🔗 Dr. Alter You center the tape on the anus and you go just past the tip.

54:41🔗 Dr. Alter Sounds reasonable. Yeah. Just past the tip. Here's a tip for you, bro. You got to trim all that pubic hair on the top there, that'll give you an extra inch right there.

54:49🔗 Dr. Alter Easily.

54:49🔗 Dr. Alter So now you're at five.

54:51🔗 Drew And then the question also is, are you overweight? No. Okay.

54:55🔗 Dr. Alter Because that'll help too for the guys who are.

54:57🔗 Drew But penis enlargement, really there's two aspects of it. One of is one is the lengthening and the lengthening operations. There's so much misinformation out. But what is done is to cut the suspensory ligament of the penis, which is the ligament from the bone at the pubic area down to the penis. That doesn't really give you length per se. But what you do when to gain the length after that's cut, you would wear these weights. They're specially made penis weights to stretch your penis and you wear them for 15 minutes a half hour, once or twice a day for many, many months. And then over a period of many months, you stretch your penis and you get length gain. If you look at these tribes in New Guinea and these other tribes, they basically have been stretching their penises. And if you look in the Kamasutra, which is the old Indian... Yeah, seen the book. Yeah, you study that, and they've been using stretching devices to lengthen the penis for... since that was written.

56:00🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, and it works.

56:01🔗 Drew You can stretch any part of the body. So the only reason to cut... Well, you'll get erectile gain too.

56:08🔗 Dr. Alter What about the New Guinea tribes? The guys, they stretch their...

56:11🔗 Drew They stretch everything.

56:12🔗 Dr. Alter They stretch it out, drag it on the ground. Can they get erection with that?

56:16🔗 Drew Theoretically, yeah.

56:17🔗 Dr. Alter Mental notes, stay out of New Guinea. You don't want some guy with a four-foot dung chasing you around with a boner.

56:23🔗 Drew Especially if he's gonna eat your head. They've got cannibals out there, but at least they used to.

56:27🔗 Dr. Alter Well, I'll tell you, eating will be the last... That's the least of your worries when a guy's got a three-foot dung he's chasing you around with a boner. It could happen.

56:35🔗 Dr. Alter I think a lot of girls would probably rather you have... Have it be shorter and more proportionate or fatter or whatever than long and skinny. Then she'd be complaining that it's too long and skinny and you're just right back where you started.

56:46🔗 Dr. Alter Or they want oral sex. Let's face it. Listen, guys. Stop focusing on your junk. Double down on the oral sex. All will be forgiven.

56:53🔗 Drew It does help. Yeah. No question about it. But the only reason for cutting the suspense through the ligament is because it enables more of your penis to be stretched with weights. You can use the weights with it.

57:03🔗 Dr. Alter So, doing the cut without the weights is not going to do it, per se.

57:06🔗 Drew Doing the cuts without weight does not do it. It's a misconception. What about thickening? The thickening, there are many different operations. Unfortunately, most of them work okay, but there are bad complications with some of them. Because of that, I personally don't do that operation anymore. I do operate on a lot of men to repair the problems that happened from the thickening operations. Oh, really? Yeah. I see some real disaster cases. Then these guys come back and they go, geez, just make me the way I used to. I mean, you know, because they had terrible, terrible problems. Curvature problems that can result actually scarring with shortening. So they end up shorter.

57:50🔗 Dr. Alter We call that peronies.

57:51🔗 Drew Well, peronies are different.

57:53🔗 Dr. Alter No, we call it peronies. There's also pig in a blanket syndrome.

58:00🔗 Drew With a lot of fat injections. It's tough. So the thickening operations, there are significant problems with it.

58:07🔗 Dr. Alter Here's the other thing, too. They use donor tissue. They use donor tissue. They use donor tissue. They use donor tissue. They use donor tissue. So all you people who put the sticker on your license, who think you're doing the Lord's work by giving your cataracts to some blind kid, you're giving us a Middle Eastern guy spending some of his oil money on his door. That's really where the tissue is going. That's what I learned when I hit the streets.

58:25🔗 Drew There has not been a...

58:28🔗 Dr. Alter What about just the donor penis? Has that worked out yet?

58:31🔗 Dr. Alter Not yet, but soon. If Alter has his way, that's where your penis is going. No, technically, you're going to heaven without a penis because Alter sold it on the black market.

58:42🔗 Dr. Alter You get a buddy at the ER and you're just like, give me a call if anyone comes in and they're about...

58:46🔗 Drew Technically, you can do a penile transplant because I have reattached penises that were cut off and it's the same operation.

58:52🔗 Dr. Alter Right.

58:53🔗 Drew So all you're doing...

58:54🔗 Dr. Alter And I shook your hand.

58:55🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

58:56🔗 Drew And, you know...

58:58🔗 Dr. Alter Reattaching a penis that's been cut off is a...

59:01🔗 Drew That's a good thing. It's a good thing.

59:04🔗 Dr. Alter I mean, when your phone rings at 4.30 in the morning, it's not an old girlfriend who wants a booty call.

59:11🔗 Drew It was 4 in the afternoon.

59:13🔗 Dr. Alter Just...

59:14🔗 Drew What happened?

59:15🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, industrial or...

59:17🔗 Drew No, the guy was on a drug trip. And just cut his own... He hallucinated. A lot of the lost penises with amputations are psychotics, schizophrenics, or they're on drug trips.

59:30🔗 Dr. Alter They cut their penis off.

59:31🔗 Drew And he cut it off because a vision came in front of him that said that if he didn't cut his penis off, the vision would kill his family.

59:39🔗 Dr. Alter Right.

59:39🔗 Dr. Alter So...

59:41🔗 Dr. Alter So... He scared the crap out of me.

59:44🔗 Drew So anyhow, so he cut it off. And then he fell asleep on the drug trip and he woke up...

59:50🔗 Dr. Alter No penis...

59:51🔗 Drew .and went to a pool of bed with his penis line on.

59:52🔗 Dr. Alter And you reattached it. And it works today?

59:56🔗 Drew It works today.

59:57🔗 Dr. Alter Amen, brother.

59:58🔗 Drew He's got a family. It's good news. It's a good thing.

1:00:01🔗 Dr. Alter Let's...

1:00:02🔗 Dr. Alter What was that pit of the fool thing?

1:00:03🔗 Dr. Alter We're all very confused.

1:00:05🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah. What was that?

1:00:05🔗 Dr. Alter How'd you get that? I just bought this the other day.

1:00:09🔗 Dr. Alter It's really fun.

1:00:10🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, go ahead. All right, anyways, Kevin's lips move with the device.

1:00:23🔗 Dr. Alter He's been rehearsing.

1:00:25🔗 Dr. Alter All right, let's talk to Pino and Marjane. Let's go to line one. We got a lit question. Chris?

1:00:33🔗 Dr. Alter Yo.

1:00:34🔗 Dr. Alter You got a question for the band?

1:00:35🔗 Dr. Alter Yo, what's up, Chris?

1:00:36🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I got a question for the band and a question for the doctor, too. All right, so my question for the band is, I wanna know how many times someone came into the band and had to leave the band because it wasn't the right chemistry.

1:00:52🔗 Dr. Alter Never. Same four members for the last 15 years.

1:00:56🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, everyone looks the same.

1:00:58🔗 Dr. Alter We almost kicked Kevin out one time because he had a small penis, but we've got good news tonight.

1:01:03🔗 Dr. Alter We're gonna work things out and we'll have good times.

1:01:07🔗 Dr. Alter Chris, so they've all been together for 15 years. Pretty good.

1:01:10🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, that's great, man.

1:01:12🔗 Dr. Alter What's your alter question?

1:01:13🔗 Dr. Alter Okay, so you were saying when a guy has a sex change to a woman, that you make the quidditch out of the head of his penis, right?

1:01:21🔗 Drew Right.

1:01:22🔗 Dr. Alter Now what I wanna know is, does he achieve an orgasm quicker than a woman?

1:01:29🔗 Drew Yeah, what comes out? Well, that's interesting. Does she?

1:01:33🔗 Dr. Alter Does she, yeah.

1:01:35🔗 Drew She does achieve an orgasm and if you talk to them, they describe orgasms very similar to a genetic woman describing an orgasm. That it's more like waves and it's not the major climax that a male has because here you're talking to somebody that had an orgasm as a male now has an orgasm as a female and it's probably the different in the sensation of the orgasm is probably primarily due to the taking of the female hormones, the estrogen.

1:02:01🔗 Dr. Alter And there's obviously nothing comes out because the nuts were thrown in the incinerator two weeks ago, right?

1:02:06🔗 Drew But the prostate is still there. So there can be.

1:02:09🔗 Dr. Alter Get something?

1:02:10🔗 Drew And the seminal vesicle. But a lot of that is dried up.

1:02:16🔗 Dr. Alter What is that?

1:02:17🔗 Drew A lot of that is dried up. The fluid's dried up because of the female hormones. But it is possible on some of them that they do get a little bit of a chaculate.

1:02:26🔗 Dr. Alter Well, we got that to look forward to.

1:02:28🔗 Dr. Alter There you go.

1:02:31🔗 Dr. Alter Let's see. Let's talk to, who's been on hold? Alex, Alex?

1:02:37🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

1:02:38🔗 Dr. Alter You're 17, what's up?

1:02:40🔗 Dr. Alter I was born with a hypospadius and I got an operation on it.

1:02:45🔗 Dr. Alter Hold on, what is that?

1:02:46🔗 Drew Okay, hypospadius is a congenital, i.e. you're born with deformity of your penis, which has variations of various severity. It can be very mild or it can be very severe. Where the opening of the penis, where you urinate from, is on the underside of the penis. And it could be on the underside near the head of the penis or it can be on the underside all the way down near your scrotum. And the more severe or the farther down it is, the more severe the problem is. And it also is associated with curvature of the penis downward when you go in that direction. We call that cronies.

1:03:22🔗 Dr. Alter No, we call that cordia.

1:03:23🔗 Dr. Alter Cronies, okay.

1:03:25🔗 Dr. Alter So Alex, where was your opening? How far toward the sac was it?

1:03:29🔗 Dr. Alter It was about two inches down.

1:03:32🔗 Dr. Alter So is that halfway or where is that? Well, when you're born, it's two inches down that's in your ass, isn't it?

1:03:40🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, it's probably near the base because I got it about two years after I was born. The operation.

1:03:46🔗 Dr. Alter You guys got the operation. All right, so.

1:03:49🔗 Drew So what, did you lose sensation on the head of your penis or something?

1:03:52🔗 Dr. Alter I lost quite a bit of sensation all around.

1:03:55🔗 Drew Really? Even on the head of the penis?

1:04:00🔗 Dr. Alter Well, how do you, what do you have to compare it to?

1:04:03🔗 Drew Yeah, well, that's a good question. I mean, you know, normally the head of the penis, if you just kind of touch it, you don't really have that much sensation there, but it does have an erogenous sensation if it's rubbed certain ways. But the shaft. The shaft of the penis, the skin of the shaft doesn't have much sensation. So, you know, it's interesting that you say that because you may actually have normal sensation. Most hypospadius operations, when the surgeons that do it, they know how to avoid injuring the nerves and it's pretty uncommon that there's a serious nerve injury.

1:04:40🔗 Dr. Alter So then the question is, how do you know you have a nerve injury, Alex? Because you don't really have anything to compare it to because you don't know what it would feel like if it wasn't operated on because you were so young.

1:04:52🔗 Drew And then the question also is, is it different on the left side of the head of the penis versus the right side of the head of the penis? Because there are different nerves going to the different sides.

1:05:01🔗 Dr. Alter We call that peronies. Waiting for you to correct.

1:05:05🔗 Dr. Alter Whatever.

1:05:06🔗 Dr. Alter All right, so Alex, he's calling.

1:05:09🔗 Dr. Alter I'm asking if there's any way, if I do end up having nerve damage.

1:05:14🔗 Drew Yeah, there's no way, I'm sorry to say, Alex, there's no way to fix those nerves.

1:05:19🔗 Dr. Alter There isn't.

1:05:20🔗 Drew No.

1:05:20🔗 Dr. Alter It's way too long.

1:05:20🔗 Dr. Alter All right, well thanks.

1:05:21🔗 Drew But the odds are, Alex, that-

1:05:24🔗 Dr. Alter There was no damage in the first one. Does it work, though? Alex.

1:05:31🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

1:05:31🔗 Dr. Alter You have an orgasm?

1:05:33🔗 Dr. Alter I've only had one twice.

1:05:34🔗 Dr. Alter All right, well could you make yourself have one?

1:05:40🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I can.

1:05:42🔗 Dr. Alter Well, what's the hang up then?

1:05:44🔗 Dr. Alter Just from having sex, just nothing.

1:05:46🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, but you can, can you masturbate?

1:05:50🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

1:05:51🔗 Dr. Alter And you've done that twice only?

1:05:53🔗 Dr. Alter Oh no, I'm not sparing. It's fine, just from having sex, it's just not.

1:05:57🔗 Dr. Alter Well, you just last forever or what?

1:05:59🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I do.

1:06:00🔗 Dr. Alter You're just sorting out, you're just sorting through your junk, that's all. And 17 year old guys gotta do that.

1:06:06🔗 Dr. Alter I wish I had your problem.

1:06:07🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, some guys are too fast, some guys are, what would Mr. T have to say about that? That's right, he pities the fool who ejaculates too quickly. All right, here's the point, we're gonna get sued by the T estate soon. But here's the thing with Alex. Alex is focusing on his penis because he had this procedure done. The procedure probably came out fine. He's just going through the normal 17 year old growing pains. And he has this as something to focus on.

1:06:42🔗 Drew That's probably right. I would say your sensation is probably normal.

1:06:46🔗 Dr. Alter It can masturbate and have an orgasm. If you find a chick, you work it out. Let's talk to David who's 18. David.

1:06:54🔗 Dr. Alter Hey, how's it going Adam?

1:06:55🔗 Dr. Alter Good.

1:06:56🔗 Dr. Alter Everybody else that's there? I don't know. What's up?

1:06:58🔗 Dr. Alter We got Lit, we got Dr. Gary Alter here.

1:07:01🔗 Dr. Alter All right, everybody. Well, I got a question about kind of sweat too much. And I want to know if there's any procedures, pills, anything I could take.

1:07:10🔗 Drew Where do you sweat?

1:07:12🔗 Dr. Alter It's mainly like-

1:07:12🔗 Drew Your hands or what?

1:07:14🔗 Dr. Alter No, mainly like my head, like my face.

1:07:17🔗 Dr. Alter I'm an expert at this because I just had this, I've been through it all. And I finally had the procedure done, by the way. And there's a couple things. So it's really just your head?

1:07:29🔗 Dr. Alter Well, I just got off work and my back's kind of sweaty right now. And you know, I got kind of a little bit of a ball sweat.

1:07:36🔗 Dr. Alter You got the ball sweat and the forehead sweat?

1:07:39🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, forehead kind of-

1:07:41🔗 Dr. Alter You got a lot of range. You got a lot of range.

1:07:43🔗 Dr. Alter It's just embarrassing. You know, people are like, hey, David, what are you doing? You know, lengthen drywall up and now it's just eating a bowl of cereal.

1:07:52🔗 Dr. Alter You just, you work up a sweat doing nothing.

1:07:54🔗 Dr. Alter No, no pun intended on the drywall joke, Adam. It's just saying, you know, hard work, you know.

1:07:59🔗 Dr. Alter No, I know. People think you're on drugs or you've just been working out.

1:08:02🔗 Dr. Alter And I'm just- Yeah, I'm kind of a big, I'm about 215, about five to eight.

1:08:07🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah. Well, yeah, the extra poundage can do it. Okay, here's what I've learned. They got, first off, you can go to dermatologists and there's like topical stuff you can put on the area that you sweat and it kind of dries it up. It's a pain in the ass. You have to kind of keep reapplying it. And it can even irritate the area a little bit. But in general, it sort of works. Like if you've got a sweaty forehead and you put this junk on your forehead every night before you go to bed, you won't really sweat that much from your forehead. It'll come out your upper lip or something. It'll come out, it'll come out your eyes. It'll come out somewhere else, but you can physically, like if you've got really sweaty palms and you put this dry salt stuff on or Xerac or whatever it's called, I'm just looking at you because what the hell is Lit going to do?

1:08:52🔗 Dr. Alter They're playing with their thing over there.

1:08:55🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, well, I've done some researches because I've always had the sweaty forehead. You put this stuff, so let's say you have sweaty palms. So you get this medicine, you go to the dermatologist, you rub it on your palms every night and you do it and a few days later, your palms aren't clammy. You can go to the business meeting and shake the guy's hand and not give him the sweat palm thing. You can put the same crap on your forehead. There's also pills you can take that'll dry you up sort of like for the day. I don't think you wanna be on them your whole life, but they're pills that are made for like, I don't know, high blood pressure or something like that. You can actually even make them like if you're doing some sort of surgery and you don't wanna bleed too much or something like that. But they're pills you can take that will dry you up for like that day. If you had a big job interview and you were gonna be nervous and you thought your forehead was gonna start sweating at four in the afternoon, you could pop a couple of these pills at two in the afternoon and it would probably dry you up. You get a little cotton mouth. That would be-

1:09:55🔗 Dr. Alter How far do these products set you back?

1:09:59🔗 Dr. Alter How much do they cost? Just the same as any other prescription, whatever. If you have some insurance or something, they could probably take care of it. But you got to go like the dermatologist.

1:10:10🔗 Drew And what surgeries to do? There's good surgeries for the palms now, the sweaty palms.

1:10:15🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, they-

1:10:16🔗 Dr. Alter Because I'm trying to be a firefighter. And you know, when you sweat a lot as a firefighter, it's kind of dangerous because flash comes over you.

1:10:25🔗 Dr. Alter Well, you don't catch on fire, though, because-

1:10:28🔗 Dr. Alter No, no, you wear special suits to keep the sweat in. The more sweat you got, the more evaporator you get. Here's the thing.

1:10:35🔗 Dr. Alter They do have all kinds of procedures where they like nip things and snip things and cauterize things and just go on the internet and go look into it. And there's all kinds of centers and places now. And it's a whole business now. So you can look into it and find, just get on the computer and figure it out.

1:10:53🔗 Dr. Alter All right, Adam, thanks a lot.

1:10:54🔗 Dr. Alter Hey, good times. Yeah, good luck with the firefighting.

1:10:57🔗 Dr. Alter So you go into that job interview and lick your upper lip sticks to your tooth when you're talking to the boss. That's a good impression.

1:11:05🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, you're a hacker but tumbleweed. Hey, David, you wanna be a firefighter?

1:11:10🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I'm enrolled right now. The college one is doing that right now.

1:11:13🔗 Dr. Alter Where, you wanna do LA County or?

1:11:16🔗 Dr. Alter Well, it's at the Mount Sac Junior College.

1:11:19🔗 Dr. Alter Listen, you're a white guy?

1:11:20🔗 Dr. Alter I look white, but I'm Hispanic.

1:11:23🔗 Dr. Alter Okay, good, you're in. Yeah, the white guy ain't gonna make it.

1:11:26🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I mean, I'm full-blood Mexican.

1:11:29🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, and work it. I mean, when you go in there, don't speak a lick of English. You'll be in the next day.

1:11:35🔗 Dr. Alter It'll make you the fire chief.

1:11:36🔗 Dr. Alter I know, I signed up to be a fireman. I signed up, I was at my wit's end when I was like 19. I had nothing to do. I went down to the fire station in North Hama. It's like, hey, sign me up, boys. I got balls. I'm not scared. I'll climb a ladder. What do we gotta do? And they're like, all right, well, put your name on the paper, we'll send you. Well, we'll notify you in the mail when your test comes in. Italians don't count. Yeah, six and a half years later, I got the thing in the mail that said it was time to go down and take the test. I went down to take the test. It was at Hollywood High. There was a black chick standing behind me. And I said, I was looking at everyone in line. I was like, I signed up for this thing seven years ago. She said, Wednesday.

1:12:18🔗 Dr. Alter It was like, I'm gonna kill myself. Where's the worst? I look, my mom was on welfare.

1:12:24🔗 Dr. Alter Where's my crap? I swear to Christ, I'm poor.

1:12:28🔗 Dr. Alter Poor?

1:12:28🔗 Dr. Alter Who do I gotta prove that to? How about the poor people? Don't worry about what color we are. There's white trash, everybody. Those are white people, they're trash.

1:12:38🔗 Dr. Alter Those are Corollas.

1:12:40🔗 Dr. Alter All right, all right, I'm sorry. I got to go in there. Dr. Alter in studio tonight, Lit in studio tonight. We'll hear something off the new CD and do all that after this.

1:12:59🔗 Dr. Alter Now you and the guests can enjoy three nights at Chicago's House of Blues experiencing a series of amazing live concerts. And we'll get you there. Go to www.bluejamsessions.com to enter to win and to see complete rules.

1:13:18🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, everybody, it's the Loveline.

1:13:21🔗 Dr. Alter I'm Adam, that is Dr. Gary Alter, my new favorite doctor friend. Hey, thanks. Drew's out. He's out. And oh, well, look what the cat just dragged in.

1:13:32🔗 Dr. Alter I know one of your employees, and I was just having a chat with her.

1:13:35🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, who was it?

1:13:37🔗 Dr. Alter Producer Anne?

1:13:38🔗 Dr. Alter Christine Fung.

1:13:39🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, Christine, great, great. That's a girl?

1:13:43🔗 Dr. Alter Yes.

1:13:43🔗 Dr. Alter Fantastic lady.

1:13:45🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

1:13:45🔗 Dr. Alter All right, well, Kevin is back. Jeremy is also here from Lit. We're gonna hear something off of the CD. I think what we'll do is we'll take one call and then we'll hear something off it. So let's see, had penis surgery as a kid. A lot of penis talk tonight. Boobs gain weight. That's what I like. Let's talk to Sherry. Boobs trumps penis talk any day of the week. Sherry? You're 19. What's up?

1:14:13🔗 Dr. Alter Wow, I'm on Loveline, that's the first. I've been trying to call for a while. When I was 12, I had a C cup.

1:14:21🔗 Dr. Alter Are you a Mormon?

1:14:23🔗 Dr. Alter No, not Mormon.

1:14:25🔗 Dr. Alter Hold on a second. Anderson plays that drop. When everyone, someone calls from Salt Lake City, engineer Anderson drops the, are you a Mormon?

1:14:36🔗 Drew Why?

1:14:37🔗 Dr. Alter And they always answer. It's a thousand percent on it. Everyone from Salt Lake City, I guess is used to being asked if they're a Mormon or they're either Mormon or they used to. No, some say yes.

1:14:48🔗 Drew Do you ever get any Mormons listen to the show? Absolutely.

1:14:51🔗 Dr. Alter We have a huge Mormon audience.

1:14:54🔗 Dr. Alter Huge.

1:14:54🔗 Dr. Alter The whole, like Crystal Cathedral listens every night.

1:14:59🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

1:15:00🔗 Dr. Alter There's a whole, there's a picture of Drew in the watchtower. It's huge. Is that the Mormons or is it the Hovas? What the hell they got? I don't know. Whatever. The LDS people. That's right. Which I always thought was a disease. Sherry?

1:15:13🔗 Dr. Alter I'm still here.

1:15:14🔗 Dr. Alter All right. So your boob, yes. C-cup at age 12.

1:15:18🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah. And I've pretty much maintained my weight since I was around at junior highs, so about 140, 145. But my boobs have continued to grow. And it seems like no matter how much I eat, my weight doesn't gain, but I get bigger boobs. It's about every year I have to change my cup size and have to change my width on my bras, but I never gain any weight anywhere else.

1:15:48🔗 Dr. Alter What are you now?

1:15:49🔗 Dr. Alter I'm at a double D.

1:15:52🔗 Dr. Alter I'm gonna do some math. By the time you're in your seventies. You're double D now, you're 19, you're how tall?

1:16:03🔗 Dr. Alter I'm five, six.

1:16:04🔗 Dr. Alter Five, six, and you still weigh the 145 pounds? And? Yeah, any exercise and all that stuff?

1:16:13🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I'm really active, except it's kinda hard with the large boobs in the way. All right.

1:16:21🔗 Drew Well, there are some women that will, their breasts will continue to get larger, and you may eventually need a breast reduction, and then there is no guarantee that your breasts won't grow a little bit more after the reduction, too. I mean, it's uncommon, but-

1:16:37🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I went to a doctor and he just told me to maybe take birth control pills and maybe try to curb the growth.

1:16:43🔗 Drew Yeah, well, it is probably a hormonal issue.

1:16:46🔗 Dr. Alter I don't know if that-

1:16:47🔗 Dr. Alter Birth control pills made them bigger.

1:16:50🔗 Dr. Alter I've taken birth control pills since I was 14, and that didn't help at all.

1:16:54🔗 Dr. Alter Why? Oh, you had some other problems?

1:16:57🔗 Dr. Alter No, it's just, I went to a doctor when I was 14 because they continue to grow. It did stop them from growing quicker, but they're still growing.

1:17:07🔗 Drew Yeah, I don't know if anybody really knows why the breasts and someone like yours just keeps growing.

1:17:13🔗 Dr. Alter Do we need someone to find out why does a rose smell pretty? Do you know what I'm saying? Do we need the answers to every question? It's a good thing.

1:17:20🔗 Drew Well, if you don't ask the questions, you never get the answers.

1:17:23🔗 Dr. Alter How do they keep getting bigger though, but you don't gain any weight? How does that work? Does it come from somewhere else?

1:17:29🔗 Caller You don't gain any weight? Anything else?

1:17:31🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, I know.

1:17:32🔗 Dr. Alter I gain about a pound.

1:17:33🔗 Dr. Alter You know what Jeremy's asking, which is how do you keep adding on to the hive? And it doesn't weigh anymore. Yeah, there's more honey there. Why doesn't the hive weigh more? And no, she does gain the weight. It's just there. I think that's what Sherry's saying. I don't trust it, by the way. Okay, here's the whole thing. You may have to consult a plastic surgeon at some point and look into a reduction if this keeps going. Otherwise, it's just sort of exercise and maintain your diet and all that kind of stuff.

1:18:10🔗 Drew Yeah, I don't know what else to do. I mean, there's a certain subset of women that just, their breasts just keep growing.

1:18:16🔗 Dr. Alter They should be worshiped. They really should.

1:18:19🔗 Dr. Alter She could turn it into a career.

1:18:21🔗 Drew Unfortunately, it's uncomfortable after a while.

1:18:24🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, it's a little pressure on your back. Yeah, all right, go see a plastic surgeon and see what they have to say. All right, let's hear a Lit song, shall we? Let's do it. Do you have a song queued up there? Super Junior Engineer Chris? You like the Super Junior?

1:18:43🔗 Adam You don't like it?

1:18:43🔗 Dr. Alter All right, you don't want me to just, what do you want me to call you? Rookie, Rookie Engineer? All right, Rookie Engineer Chris is queued up. You too, Senior Engineer Anderson, yes, good to go.

1:18:55🔗 Adam We're rocking.

1:18:57🔗 Dr. Alter This is off Lit's new CD, self-titled CD, and it's called Times Like This. Mm-hmm. You can go to www.litlounge.com if you want to find out any information on tour dates or records or appearances on television. Ironically, you could go there right now. You'd probably see that they were gonna be on Loveline right now.

1:22:40🔗 Caller You could? Yeah.

1:22:41🔗 Dr. Alter Yes.

1:22:42🔗 Dr. Alter Dr. Gary Alter is here tonight, board certified plastic surgeon. We're gonna take ourselves a little break and then we got all kinds of questions for our Alter and the band, and all after this.

1:22:56🔗 Dr. Alter Loveline.

1:22:57🔗 Caller 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

1:23:11🔗 Dr. Alter Hey, everybody, Loveline.

1:23:12🔗 Dr. Alter I'm Adam, that's Dr. Gary Alter, filling in for Dr. Drew, who will be back. I don't know. I just really, I hope never. You know, I've gotten used to him, not being here. Very rotating cast of doctors who come in here. I think we have a gynecologist coming in tomorrow night. Yep, Junior, Super Green Junior. Junior, Junior, Junior Engineer Chris says yes. Jeremy and Kevin here tonight from Lit. Hello. And Lit, also name of the new CD and let's see. Just came out this week. Three Nipples. I mean, that's not the name of the CD.

1:23:54🔗 Dr. Alter The new CD Three Nipples.

1:23:55🔗 Dr. Alter We call that Supernumerary, yes?

1:23:58🔗 Drew That's correct.

1:23:58🔗 Dr. Alter Or Superfluous, yes? Or Peronies, yes? No. Serena? Seventeen?

1:24:05🔗 Caller Yes.

1:24:06🔗 Dr. Alter Three Nipples?

1:24:07🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

1:24:08🔗 Dr. Alter All right. And you want to get rid of the third?

1:24:12🔗 Dr. Alter Turn your radio off.

1:24:15🔗 Dr. Alter That's true. Turn your radio off. Even Drew, who's sleeping now in Beantown, knows you need to turn your radio off. All right. So you want to get rid of that third nipple. You ever do that, Doc? Sure. You do?

1:24:28🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:24:28🔗 Dr. Alter How's that go? If it's not hooked up, it's no big deal?

1:24:31🔗 Drew Yeah, it's the third nipple, it's below the other one. Or is it higher?

1:24:40🔗 Dr. Alter All right, she's an idiot. She turned her radio off.

1:24:43🔗 Dr. Alter And by the way, this is what God, this is how God punishes people that don't listen. They give them extra nipples. Absolutely.

1:24:49🔗 Drew I guess that answers it.

1:24:51🔗 Dr. Alter I hope your plastic surgeon's so bad, he gets rid of the second one, not the third. And you're left with one and three.

1:24:58🔗 Drew Cut off the wrong one.

1:24:59🔗 Dr. Alter No, I'm just saying, you got one and you got three. That's what I got. Actually, I got two and five.

1:25:04🔗 Drew Oh, good for you.

1:25:05🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, you couldn't tell by looking at it. It just seems normal, but I know it's two and five. All right, just go see your plastic surgeon. Stop bothering us, would you? Idiots with the radios. Melissa?

1:25:18🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, hi.

1:25:20🔗 Dr. Alter You're 16? Yeah. You got the triple D cup?

1:25:24🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, it's like genetic in a way, but like my sister, she's like underweight and like she doesn't have boobs, like as big as I do.

1:25:34🔗 Dr. Alter Your sister? Yeah. All right, someone just came into the cabin? Wow, it's the sheriff came in. The boot patrol.

1:25:46🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, my little sister's like right here.

1:25:50🔗 Dr. Alter Is that the, yeah, is that the underweight sister? Okay, all right, now you're 16, you're triple D.

1:25:59🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

1:26:00🔗 Dr. Alter And you want to look into having a reduction?

1:26:05🔗 Dr. Alter Possibly, but see, like I had played football and I was wondering if that was like cancer causing and if I did get a reduction because I do have back problems.

1:26:18🔗 Dr. Alter All right, hold on, hold on. What's the playing, where'd you play football?

1:26:22🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, at Narco High.

1:26:23🔗 Dr. Alter Notre Dame. Lingerie Bowl, where'd you play football?

1:26:26🔗 Dr. Alter Narco High School.

1:26:28🔗 Dr. Alter Narco High School. And you played tackle football?

1:26:32🔗 Dr. Alter With the boys, yeah.

1:26:33🔗 Drew You're kidding, really?

1:26:35🔗 Dr. Alter No, no, seriously.

1:26:37🔗 Dr. Alter Well, wait a second, hold on.

1:26:38🔗 Drew That's a great story.

1:26:39🔗 Dr. Alter What position did you play? Even the ones who know stuff don't know anything.

1:26:50🔗 Dr. Alter The right guy, the right tackle guy.

1:26:52🔗 Dr. Alter All right, so you played that.

1:26:54🔗 Dr. Alter It's defensive, right tackle.

1:26:56🔗 Dr. Alter Okay, all right, you played defensive tackle. And you think that caused your boobs to grow?

1:27:02🔗 Dr. Alter I'm not sure, actually.

1:27:08🔗 Dr. Alter First off, you gotta get some WD-40 in that house, Melissa, the doors are country.

1:27:12🔗 Dr. Alter What kind of door is that?

1:27:13🔗 Adam What room in the house are you in where it's like, eee. All right.

1:27:20🔗 Dr. Alter It's loud in the door in here, that's soundproof.

1:27:22🔗 Dr. Alter Can you hit it with a little canola oil or something so I don't have a seizure? Thank you. Please tell them to get on that, would you? Put down the beer and pick up some WD-40 and get busy. Okay. Your boobs, yes, you can have a reduction. You're 16, they'll probably keep growing if you're already, you know, at a triple D. How's your weight doing?

1:27:47🔗 Dr. Alter All right, I guess.

1:27:48🔗 Dr. Alter Well, the fact that they put you on the defensive line and didn't try out for punter probably means there's a couple pounds it could go. Yes?

1:27:57🔗 Dr. Alter Oh, I mean like for as big as my boobs and my butt are, I'm a good size. All right.

1:28:05🔗 Dr. Alter I'm sure that's what the coach is thinking.

1:28:07🔗 Dr. Alter That's what you guys are like trying to imply. I'm not.

1:28:09🔗 Dr. Alter No, I'm saying, well, look here, here's for as big as your boobs or your butt is. That's it. That's you. We're not, we're not weighing your teeth. I mean, okay. Let me explain something. I gotta say, it's gonna sound cruel, but we have a lot of people call this show and America just must be getting gargantuan.

1:28:26🔗 Drew Well, America is getting obese. I mean, you saw them.

1:28:29🔗 Dr. Alter We have people call this show that are like, well, you know, are you overweight? No, I'm, you know, five five, I'm 170, you know? I mean, these are women. It's like, no, I would consider that a big gown. There's plenty of gals who call this show. They're, you know, they're not tall and they're 165 pounds and they're not overweight. They're like, well, I'm voluptuous. I got a nice ass. I mean, I got big chest, you know? And here's the whole thing. Guys will focus on the chest and you can get away with it sometimes, but don't kid yourself. There's probably 20 pounds that could be shed. And if you're generally overweight and you want to shrink the cup size, that'd be a good place to start. Lose a few pounds, probably the breast will go with it. And like I said, the defensive line was a little bit of a tip-off. Now, nose tackle, that's a 300 pound plus broad we're talking to. Melissa?

1:29:19🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, no, I mean, like, no, but see the back during football? I lost 40 pounds and that's when my boobs grew, is what I'm saying.

1:29:27🔗 Dr. Alter Maybe you just found them. They were just buried. It was like a sunken treasure. Oh, okay, you lost 40 pounds during football?

1:29:37🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah.

1:29:38🔗 Dr. Alter Wow, so, okay, so what do you weigh now?

1:29:42🔗 Dr. Alter What do I weigh now? 150.

1:29:44🔗 Dr. Alter 150 and how tall are you?

1:29:46🔗 Dr. Alter I'm four and a half. I think I shrunk though.

1:29:49🔗 Dr. Alter All right, wait, say how tall you are again?

1:29:52🔗 Dr. Alter Like five, four and a half, five, four and a half.

1:29:54🔗 Dr. Alter Five, four and a half, 150. Let me do the radio math real quick. Five, four and a half, 150, what's two times five, Alter?

1:30:06🔗 Drew I think that's five and a half.

1:30:07🔗 Dr. Alter Ten, what?

1:30:08🔗 Drew Two times five.

1:30:09🔗 Dr. Alter Two times five?

1:30:09🔗 Drew It's usually ten.

1:30:10🔗 Dr. Alter Ten, all right, let me bring that. I wasn't a college student. Okay, I did the radio math. She is five, two, and 13 16s, 166. Yeah, because nobody gives her actual height and weight.

1:30:26🔗 Dr. Alter On the radio. I see.

1:30:29🔗 Dr. Alter All right, here's the deal. Why don't you lose 20 more pounds and see if the boobs go? Your boobs couldn't have gotten bigger when you lost 40 pounds. No. No, it's true. You can ask my mom. All right, put her on. All right, no, I don't wanna talk to her. I gotta hear that hand joke one more time. And I picture her like stirring a cauldron in front of the fire, patch over an eye, like a sea hag, everything rusted in there. The paper boy's foot sticking out of the cauldron.

1:31:07🔗 Dr. Alter He'll be done soon.

1:31:10🔗 Dr. Alter The house is haunted, she's calling from. Boob's getting bigger, the weight's going down. She's playing guard over there at Norco. All right, here's the thing. Here's the thing, consult the plastic surgeon if you like, but you could probably lose a few pounds. That would help you in your overall health and appearance and would probably shrink your chest a little bit.

1:31:31🔗 Drew She might not be able to play football next year though.

1:31:33🔗 Dr. Alter Well, that's all right. You could be, you get on the track team.

1:31:38🔗 Drew There you go.

1:31:39🔗 Dr. Alter You lighten up. We turn you into a pole vaulter. All right, let's take ourselves to Norco, huh? Penis surgery as a kid. Hair on the inside of his penis, what?

1:31:51🔗 Drew I can take care of that.

1:31:52🔗 Dr. Alter Jason? Yeah. You're 21?

1:31:56🔗 Drew You probably had hypospadias, didn't you?

1:31:59🔗 Dr. Alter I did. You had hair on the inside of your penis?

1:32:01🔗 Drew Well, what happened is when they reconstructed his urethra, the urinary channel, they used some skin that had hair on it. So is the hair a problem on the inside? I mean, do you get infections, irritations?

1:32:16🔗 Dr. Alter No, it does hurt sometimes when I'm urinating.

1:32:19🔗 Dr. Alter But other than that, it's normal, I guess.

1:32:21🔗 Dr. Alter Yeah, because it like stings the follicle.

1:32:23🔗 Drew Well, you can get infections because the urine irritates the hair and you can get little stonies.

1:32:29🔗 Dr. Alter So I mean, if you're going to rebuild something, you've got to make sure that skin doesn't have hair follicles.

1:32:34🔗 Drew Well, that's right. Right. And when you build a urethra in hypospace operation, you're supposed to use hairless skin. Unfortunately, it doesn't always happen.

1:32:44🔗 Dr. Alter Where do you usually harvest the skin from?

1:32:47🔗 Drew Usually, you take the skin to make the urethra from what would have been the foreskin. Now, if they did it from the foreskin, then you shouldn't have hair on the inside of the urethra. So something is causing me.

1:33:05🔗 Dr. Alter Can you examine skin and figure out if hair is going to grow there in the future?

1:33:08🔗 Drew No. No, but you just know. I mean, a foreskin doesn't grow hair. So for some reason, I mean, do you have hair growing out of your urethra? You can see it?

1:33:19🔗 Dr. Alter Every once in a while, one will come out and I'll just pluck it. Hurts like hell, but.

1:33:26🔗 Drew You know, if you have one or two hairs, it's no big deal.

1:33:31🔗 Dr. Alter What's the surgery that you're talking about in the first place?

1:33:33🔗 Drew I'm confused. Well, hyposematous, we talk.

1:33:35🔗 Dr. Alter Now we're out of time. I'm sorry, but we got to go to break. We talked about it before. Jeremy wasn't paying attention.

1:33:42🔗 Dr. Alter I wasn't here the first hour.

1:33:43🔗 Dr. Alter No, no, we talked about it. Really? All right. The guys have had a few beers. You explained to them during the break. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:52🔗 Dr. Alter OK, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:34:09🔗 Dr. Alter 877-889-DATE.

1:34:15🔗 Dr. Alter This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

1:34:49🔗 Dr. Alter An altar. He was his first patient. He's actually, he's actually a gal. No, no, it's too much time. Alter, Gary Alter, the fabulous surgeon, you come back anytime.

1:34:54🔗 Drew Anytime you ask me.

1:34:56🔗 Dr. Alter I would always, always enjoy your company. Lit, what can I say? It's been too long. Thanks for having us, man. Go out and get the Lit CD. Go to www.litlounge.com and find out all the information where you can find the guy, tour dates and all that good stuff. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Gary Alther saying mahalo.

1:35:23🔗 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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