Tuesday, February 3, 2004

1:03🔗 It's Love Line, Adam.

1:04🔗 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Aisha Tyler is our guest tonight. Dear, dear friend.

1:14🔗 Aisha Tyler Doctor of love.

1:15🔗 Adam We know her from Talk Soup, and also I know her from Friends. I don't think Drew watches Friends.

1:22🔗 Drew No, I actually saw her in Friends.

1:23🔗 Adam Five episodes is Ross' gal pal.

1:26🔗 Aisha Tyler I actually ended up doing eight.

1:28🔗 Four in the spring and four in the fall.

1:31🔗 Adam I would have guessed more had I not checked the fact sheet. Seemed like you're on for like a season to me, but hey, if it says five episodes, it's five episodes.

1:42🔗 Drew The fact sheet never lies.

1:43🔗 Aisha Tyler Fact sheet never lies. I'll have to go give that money back.

1:45🔗 Adam Aisha is here to promote her new book, which is called Swerve, Reckless Observations of a Postmodern Girl. What can we expect to find in this book, Aisha?

1:56🔗 Aisha Tyler Lots of great bar stories. It's essentially, I wrote it because I was doing a lot of stand-up, and I felt like there was all this stuff I wanted to say that you can't, in an hour on stage, you've got to be funny every couple of seconds, and I wanted to talk about, I wanted to do some socio-political commentary, and when people are drunk on a Friday night, then why don't you talk about body, self-image issues and sexuality and hyper-sexuality and video music.

2:20🔗 Adam Well, it's a good and interesting and valid point, which is I just got done doing Jimmy Kimmel.

2:29🔗 Aisha Tyler Excellent show.

2:29🔗 Adam Yes, I enjoyed myself. Not tonight's show because I was on it, but normally it's a good show. The point is, as you go out there, you have six, seven minutes. You have to get to it. And also, there's 300 people sitting there who need you to get to it. And if you don't get to it for 18 seconds, it feels like an eternity.

2:52🔗 Aisha Tyler And so they want you to just dance, monkey dance. They don't want to listen to your ideas. They don't want you to build up to this.

2:59🔗 Adam No, no, no, I've been better. I've been better. So has the audience. You're very self aware. It's obvious you're lucky to be here. But they ask me, why do you continue to do this radio? Or why don't you, you know, why don't you, why do you want to keep doing the radio all these years, the TV shows and things like that? You don't have to do it. You don't get this kind of time. No, you, we ironically can't talk about this. On TV.

3:27🔗 Drew On anything else, right.

3:28🔗 Aisha Tyler And Pete, it's funny because I do a lot of TV and people ask, oh, you have to go and do all this radio. I'm like, I have love and have always and will always love radio.

3:35🔗 Drew In fact, if anybody had half a brain, they would let people talk like this on television.

3:39🔗 Aisha Tyler Oh, yeah. It would do fine. Whenever you watch a really great interview and people are confident, no, they want dancing and clips and here's a visual aid and now someone's going to be playing.

3:48🔗 Drew And God forbid, on television, you have to build an audience. That's what you have to do.

3:50🔗 Adam Yeah, but what ends up happening, quite honestly, is once in a while Jimmy Khan gets up there and waxes poetic about something that has no ending for 12 minutes and it freaks everybody out sufficiently. So we just want him to tell the grotto story and then it's time to move on to the world's fastest grocery bagger.

4:10🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, or the guy who can swallow pool balls or something like that.

4:14🔗 Adam I mean, here's, yes, if it would work out, I mean, it's sort of like the call times. If Pam Anderson didn't show up late and hold up the tapings and if the rappers didn't show up drunk and hold up the tapings, we could show up at the studio a nice leisurely 45 minutes to an hour before we actually have to do anything, which is it still seems like an incredible amount of time for me. But there's a handful of a-holes that f it up to the point where if we go on at six, the call times at one forty five because now it's the same with it. It's like airport security, you know, it's like there's a couple of guys who may cause a little trouble on the plane. And for that, grandma's got to take her shoes off. Yeah. This is it's really life. If you think about it, it's just a handful of people setting policy, screwing it up for everybody. It's a weird thing. And I know we're jumping around, but again, we can do this. It's a radio. You know, the whole this whole country is really sort of founded on the principle that the majority will speak and then that's what will happen. I mean, I mean, everyone gets together, they vote, whatever thing, whoever candidate, whatever bill, whatever it is gets the most votes, well, then that one wins. But when it comes to things, you know, involving lawsuits and security and things like that, so one guy throws a beer bottle at one Mets game and we're all drinking out of Dixie Cups. That's it.

5:35🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, the tyranny, we were talking about the tyranny of the minority earlier with the with the boob incident on at the halftime show that, you know, two or three people have all of a sudden created this maelstrom of, you know, I don't know, maybe maybe cleavage will be banned on television from now on. Nothing resembling the breast can be shown in the world. Yeah, everywhere. Attacking other countries for showing boobs.

5:56🔗 Adam By the way, the thinking again on the same topic sort of, you know, the Statue of Liberty has been closed down since 9-11. Never really? Well, you can't go up.

6:07🔗 Aisha Tyler And didn't they say that maybe it will never open again?

6:10🔗 Adam They're going to weld the vagina shut.

6:11🔗 Aisha Tyler That's so un-American for so many reasons, the first of which is that you should never weld any vagina shut. I think that's just purely un-American right now.

6:19🔗 Drew Some cultures do that. We cannot judge.

6:22🔗 Aisha Tyler I'll judge. I'll judge right now. The vagina should be open. The vagina. Like information on the Internet, the vagina wants to be open. I'm going to regret saying that. I know that. As soon as it came out, I regretted it.

6:33🔗 Adam I was reading in USA Today that you might even go out and stand it and look at her, but no more climbing up. I know it sounds cliché and trite, but terrorists have won. We can't go up to the head of the Statue of Liberty, up into the symbol of this country's principle of liberty and freedom. That's a victory.

6:55🔗 Aisha Tyler It's ridiculous. Who cares, honestly? This is going to sound awful, but it would suck if somebody blew up the Statue of Liberty. That would really suck. Absolutely. I'm not going to say it wouldn't suck. But there's a lot of worse things that could happen. That sounds awful. But I guess I'm saying, let's just worry about security on our airplanes and our major skyscrapers and our football domes and let people go up into the Statue of Liberty.

7:18🔗 Adam Provide some security. I don't know, metal detector. What do you climb in? The ass? The mouth?

7:26🔗 Drew There's a building in the base.

7:27🔗 Aisha Tyler Is there an elevator?

7:28🔗 Adam No, no orifice.

7:29🔗 Aisha Tyler Can you go up into the crown and look out the crown?

7:32🔗 Drew It's on a huge pedestal, a big building.

7:34🔗 Aisha Tyler But not only that, but it's not like hundreds of people can go up there at one time. It's a tiny...

7:38🔗 Drew Lots of people go up.

7:39🔗 Aisha Tyler But isn't it just an elevator and a stairwell?

7:43🔗 Adam 30 people can fit in a cranium.

7:45🔗 Aisha Tyler You can screen all those people. I mean, you can screen those people.

7:48🔗 Adam Yeah. Look, here's the point. They'll say, yeah, sure, we could screen them. We don't have the resources to put somebody everywhere and protect everything. So we'll just close it down.

7:57🔗 Drew It sounds sort of Pollyannish to say that the terrorists have won them. It's like, hey, criminals have won too, because we have to talk to our gas station attendant across a glass shield now. There's a thousand things in our life that we do that are a pain in the ass because bad people have made us do it.

8:14🔗 Aisha Tyler Don't you find it a grand irony that the symbol, like essentially the one kind of like physical symbol of our nations, like principles of freedom is being closed up?

8:22🔗 Drew It is ironic. And yet if there is such a thing as a time when it can be opened, the fact that it survives this time in history will allow it to be opened.

8:30🔗 Aisha Tyler I think they'll always be crazy people wanting to bust us up.

8:36🔗 Drew I'm Janet Jackson.

8:38🔗 Adam The point is, obviously the terrorists haven't won, but the notion that they've done more damage than just the bombs and the body counts. And the fact that we cannot climb up to the top of the statue of liberty is pretty symbolic.

8:53🔗 Drew What it's done to the psyche of my kids and people like that. They talk about it all the time.

8:57🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, I mean, I remember when I was a kid, and it was like at the height of the Cold War, and I was terrified of being blown up. I mean, that was all I thought about. And they made that movie The Day After. Yes, exactly. You guys, you could head shrink me there. Feel free to head shrink me. You know what? If you're a thinker, then that's all you do is think about how you could die.

9:15🔗 Drew Nightly Press Recovery.

9:16🔗 Aisha Tyler Do you remember The Day After? And I was so preoccupied with nuclear war at like the age of whatever, five or six or seven, that I couldn't, my mom would allow me to watch The Day After because she was sure that would send me over the edge. I'm the most neurotic black person in the world. Literally.

9:29🔗 Yeah.

9:29🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes, I am. If you, there aren't, I am the one. Like I'm the, if you were looking for the neurotic black person, I am she.

9:34🔗 Adam I don't, I don't like the stereotype.

9:36🔗 Drew Is this where the uppity bitch paradox comes from?

9:37🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes, that's where the uppity bitch paradox comes from.

9:39🔗 Drew You can read about that in a chapter in her book called- The uppity bitch paradox.

9:42🔗 Aisha Tyler And it is a paradox.

9:43🔗 Adam There's not so many paranoid black folks.

9:46🔗 Aisha Tyler No, we're, we have, we have real, real crap that was going to say a bad word. We have real stuff to deal with, so we don't, we don't worry about imaginary crap. You know what I mean?

9:55🔗 Adam Aisha has some true-charity. I also like that you're being, I like that you're being stoned a lot, too, and just sort of flown with things. I mean, not you, of course, but, you know, the black populace, but-

10:04🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes, everybody else is high. Absolutely. Colin Powell burns every night.

10:09🔗 Adam It's the same reason I say that the, the black man and a woman for that, for that matter-

10:13🔗 Aisha Tyler This is getting so exciting.

10:15🔗 Drew Where's it going to go?

10:15🔗 Adam This is why they're not, they're not into the mushrooms. They're not into the acid. They're not into- No, black people don't like to hallucinate.

10:21🔗 Aisha Tyler My father actually, my father, who is like the king of, of a black aphorisms, would often say to me when I would be like, we're going to go see whatever Friday the 13th or scream, he'd be like, I don't need to see that. I can look out the window. That's my father's favorite sentence. Chicken neck is out there stabbing somebody right now. You know, that's my father's favorite line.

10:37🔗 Drew Did he, like, was he a character in a 76?

10:39🔗 Aisha Tyler I swear to you, like my father's actually quite a normal, like kind of like adjusted man, but I make him into, I make him into red box whenever I do him.

10:47🔗 Drew Yes.

10:48🔗 Aisha Tyler My father, there's a quote in the book about, in the Elvary Bitch Paradox chapter, about my father used to give me a big speech when I would leave every morning. He would give me like this big get up and go speech, kind of the upshot of which was, get out there and grab life by the balls and yank down hard. And don't sleep with boys. That was the speech I would get every morning.

11:08🔗 Drew I'm using that enough my daughter.

11:09🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, go for it. And he had a rhyming one that wasn't really rhyming, but it was rhyming, I don't know, it felt rhyming to me, which was, keep your grades and your draws up. That was just, that was every day from like the age of seven.

11:20🔗 Adam Seems like a mixed message to ask your daughter to grab some testicles and stay away from the lads.

11:25🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, they were metaphorical testicles. I knew that it was metaphorical, you know, because life really doesn't have that.

11:29🔗 Drew I mean, those very words are written here.

11:31🔗 Aisha Tyler Oh yeah.

11:31🔗 Drew Now that, that she knew it metaphorically is also right here.

11:36🔗 Aisha Tyler I thought, I was an abstract thinker at a very young age.

11:38🔗 Drew So she knew that life did not have testicles.

11:39🔗 Aisha Tyler I knew that. I was like, I know my dad is not actually talking about real testicles.

11:43🔗 Adam Let's say black people are lucky in the sense that their parents, if they hang, if they stay around to talk to them. Did your dad never say anything to you?

11:50🔗 Aisha Tyler White people don't tell white parents don't talk to their kids?

11:52🔗 Adam I didn't know my dad's voice sounds like. He may have a thick Russian accent for all I know.

11:55🔗 Aisha Tyler Is he talking out of one of those little like voice actual lines or?

11:58🔗 Drew He has a voice.

12:01🔗 Adam Dad, you know, they don't have isms and I mean, occasionally you get a, you get a good, you get a good Jewish dad who might throw something in. But like your dad, you know, a couple of, a couple of warnings about staying out of trouble maybe or how much something is costing. But other than that.

12:16🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, do you think that white people are afraid when they say things, they make them real? Like, you know, my family was very much like they would talk about sex. I mean, like don't, you know, and they would talk about drugs. Like here's what drugs will do to you. And this is why you shouldn't do them. Where the white people like don't do drugs. They're bad. And then the kids like, you don't know what you're talking about. They just go do it anyway.

12:29🔗 Drew I think it's a function of this may be off, but I think it's a function of historical circumstances of the family systems. And a lot of white people come from European families that were fleeing and are very inclusive families. So there's no separation. So they're sort of uncomfortable even talk to somebody because it's all one undifferentiated ego mass. Black family system comes from very traumatic history with slavery and whatnot, where people were individuals struggling together.

12:54🔗 Aisha Tyler And they had extended families that actually create families.

12:56🔗 Drew And so individuals have a role that they exist.

12:58🔗 Aisha Tyler And you would bond with someone maybe that you weren't related to or weren't even close to just because of difficult circumstances around you. Well, I like that. I feel head shrunk right now. I feel shrunk. Yeah, I feel good.

13:07🔗 Adam Let's have this theory that a lot of black dads don't hang out and see the kids grow up. So the ones that do are into it. Like they're they're they're super the ones that the black dad doesn't hang out and sit around in this sort of indifferent posture like maybe our parents did just sort of the kids will grow up or they won't or they'll do drugs or they won't. The black dad that hangs in stays in keeps the unit together. It's got some advice for the kids.

13:31🔗 Aisha Tyler There's so many things wrong with that statement, but I will agree. My father was very active. My father was like an active, active.

13:37🔗 Drew That's what he's saying.

13:38🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes, I know. I'm like the part about black people aren't around. No, no, no.

13:41🔗 Drew He's saying there's no in between.

13:43🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes. Yes. One or the other. All the way in. You don't have a lot of ambivalent black fathers. I will say that if they're there, they are all up in there. That is very true.

13:50🔗 Adam They're there. They're hardcore.

13:51🔗 Aisha Tyler They're committed. Yeah, they're there. They're in your face. There's no getting away from daddy.

13:54🔗 Adam They're like the fans that are out in the stands when it's snowing.

13:56🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes.

13:57🔗 Adam They're the hardcore ones. They're not the fair weather ones.

13:59🔗 Aisha Tyler My father would have been the last guy with the foam hand. I mean, even now, my father is just, you know, he has...

14:04🔗 Adam You can't be the guy with the shirt off in Buffalo.

14:07🔗 Aisha Tyler I grew up in San Francisco. Yeah. But my dad is... My dad is... Now, even now, just, you know, still with the aphorisms and the speeches. He's... Yeah. And now he's very down. He comes down to Jay Leno and talks his ear off.

14:20🔗 Adam Our parents don't talk, which is good. It's paying off now.

14:23🔗 Aisha Tyler Now you don't miss it, right?

14:25🔗 Adam We don't need it. Now we realize whatever they're saying would have been horrible anyway.

14:29🔗 Drew Hey, before we go to calls, we still are going with the animal promotion, the DVD and the animal. First five callers 18 years or older that get on the air tonight will win the animal uncut special edition DVD starring Rob Schneider, who was in here last night. And that's in stores today.

14:42🔗 Aisha Tyler He is a lovely and charming chap.

14:44🔗 Drew He is a friend of the show.

14:47🔗 Adam Dear, dear friend, Serena?

14:48🔗 Yeah.

14:49🔗 Adam You're 16?

14:51🔗 Caller Yeah.

14:51🔗 Adam What's up?

14:54🔗 Caller Well, I called him like a while ago, like four months ago. And it was about this guy I had been seeing, but like he wouldn't go out with me. And I'm he's 22 and I'm 16. And well, like finally, we started going out. We've been going out for like five months now or something like that. But no, not five months, but so like his best friend is a girl. And like he's always hanging out there, but he never tells like he won't tell me like when he's hanging out there.

15:24🔗 Adam All right, Serena, Serena, this is this is why you don't go out with twenty two year old guys.

15:29🔗 Drew I'm sure our advice in the first place was not to date this guy. Yeah. Yeah. And now here you are. Good times.

15:36🔗 Adam He's not a great guy. And here's what you get when you get the twenty two year old guys going out with the sixteen year old worst case scenario, you have the real lecherous sort of criminal dicey guy who's going to abuse you and take advantage of you. And best case, you just have kind of a loser guy.

15:52🔗 Drew Best case you got a twenty two year old that will date a sixteen year old.

15:55🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, like a twenty year old who like can't hang out with other like he's got to hang out with a kid.

15:59🔗 Adam I just mean there's just your basic loser guy and then there's serious dicey guy.

16:03🔗 Aisha Tyler Like also it's just like what do you have in common with this guy? Like what are you guys talking about? Like his bitching Camaro? I mean I don't understand. I also will say this about that. I'm going to say something on the opposite side of this, which is that my best friend is a guy and he's been my other than my husband, my other, my second best friend is a guy.

16:22🔗 Adam Oh, the spouse, best friend.

16:24🔗 Aisha Tyler He is. He's my friend. You just haven't been in a real relationship yet.

16:28🔗 Adam I just hope he doesn't say that about you. I don't mind the chicks saying that about the guys, but the guys goes, my girl's my best friend.

16:35🔗 Aisha Tyler But my oldest friend since like the eighth grade is a guy and it, you know, I would just find out like I would go, you should break up with this guy, but let's say you were with another guy your age and he had a girl that was, was his friend. I mean, you just be able to spend time with this person. And if it's not cool with this guy for you to be around when she's around, then it's very clear that that relationship is not cool.

16:53🔗 Drew Not a friendship. Yeah.

16:54🔗 Adam Also, yes, I would say, I would agree with that, but I would also say that a guy, the guy could be embarrassed that he's going out with a high school girl and not went around for that reason too, because as we get judged by the friend, either, either way, it's all bad. It's all bad.

17:11🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah. You need to go out with somebody your own age.

17:14🔗 Caller Oh, well, we like, work together, like all three of us, like his best friend and like me and him all work together.

17:19🔗 Adam If you guys all wear the same striped smock, then there's nothing we can do.

17:26🔗 Aisha Tyler What's your issue?

17:27🔗 Caller Well, he never, like, he never, like, wants me to hang out with her and he never tells me when he's hanging out with her, but he'll tell me when he's hanging out with all his other friends.

17:34🔗 Adam Is she attractive?

17:35🔗 Caller Well, yes, like, she's really pretty.

17:37🔗 Adam All right. Well, then that's it. We hate to bring up that aspect of it, but, Drew, that's where it is. Yeah, that's it.

17:46🔗 Aisha Tyler I mean, if he's hiding that relationship.

17:47🔗 Drew We're talking about an a-hole guy. So you can easily go to those primitive issues and that's the hell's the story.

17:53🔗 Adam Just break up.

17:54🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah. I mean, you know what? You got to be strong, though. You know what I mean? It's like you got to be a big girl about this, you know? I'm sure it's pretty exciting to date a guy a lot older than you. He's got a car and he's got money or whatever it is he's got going on and that's exciting. But where's this guy going to be? Is he going to be around? You know what I mean? It's like he's lying to you and he's hiding stuff from you now. It's not going to get any better. It's just going to start seeing more.

18:11🔗 Adam And let me say this. You should have a healthy respect as the young people are calling for your teachers, your parents, and folks like that. But don't think they're winners just because they're five, six years older than you. Like this guy, the only thing he's got is he was born five, six years before she was. Therefore, he's a winner. When you get to be that age, if you're at where he's at, you'll consider yourself a loser.

18:34🔗 Drew You will be mortified when you think that you dated that guy.

18:37🔗 Aisha Tyler Oh, you'll be so embarrassed because I dated an older guy when I was your age. I dated a guy when I was like 22, when I was like 16. Oh my god. I'm honest. I'm not afraid to be honest. I'm not afraid to tell the truth. And like literally, like I was embarrassed like the day after I broke up with him. I was like, what was I thinking? Because clearly this guy was just trying to sleep with me. That was all he wanted.

18:55🔗 Drew How long did it last for?

18:57🔗 Aisha Tyler Until I didn't sleep with him. And maybe it took three weeks like that. He put he put in three weeks and realized it wasn't going to pay off.

19:03🔗 Drew That's that is that is learning.

19:05🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah. Yeah.

19:05🔗 Drew That's fine. I think I think women kind of need to go through that.

19:08🔗 Aisha Tyler You know, because I was like, oh, he's got a great car and he likes to do cigarettes for us. You know, it was like, oh, so lame. I mean, you know, what the hell? Break up with this guy.

19:15🔗 Drew I just immediately think of the character being attracted to this man.

19:19🔗 Aisha Tyler It was hot. He would like to do cigarettes and he'd hand me one and there were new ports and he had a leather jacket and he was in the Marines.

19:24🔗 Drew I immediately begin to think of the guy from Dazed and Confused, Matthew McConaughey.

19:29🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, JK. Lemon. That's exactly what I think of when you talk about these guys. At this age, if you were 40 and he was 45, okay, whatever. But you guys aren't in the same place in your lives and there's nothing that you have that should be in common.

19:43🔗 Drew Done and done.

19:44🔗 Adam She's never going to break up with him, is she, Stevie?

19:51🔗 Drew We're trying to talk to all the other ones out there that are about to fall victim to this kind of behavior.

19:55🔗 Aisha Tyler Don't do what I did.

19:57🔗 Adam Stevie?

19:57🔗 Hello?

19:59🔗 Adam You're 17?

19:59🔗 Caller Hey guys, how are you?

20:01🔗 Drew Hi, Stevie.

20:01🔗 Adam What's up? You're on with Aisha Tyler, by the way.

20:03🔗 Caller Hi, Aisha.

20:04🔗 Aisha Tyler Hi, how are you?

20:05🔗 Caller I think you're hilarious.

20:07🔗 Aisha Tyler Thank you so much. That's awesome. Thank you.

20:09🔗 Caller First, I just want to say, Dr. Drew, I've been reading your book and it provides so much insight into the situation I'm going through right now. It's tremendous.

20:18🔗 Drew Oh, good.

20:18🔗 Caller Thank you. My question is directed towards you. My mom's a drug addict and she's been in and out of rehab several times throughout my life. Just recently, she was on probation and she was forced to take monthly drug testing, so it always came back clean. But now that she's off probation, I feel she's using again.

20:36🔗 Drew What's her drug of choice?

20:37🔗 Caller Painkillers, like it is. Just a few days ago, I found receipts to the pharmacy signifying that she did.

20:45🔗 Drew Well, there's no doubt she is.

20:47🔗 Caller So I confronted her today and she basically kind of passed me off, really turned the situation back on me, yelled at me. It's been going on for so long that I just want to know because my family is fairly conservative and no one, everyone wants to keep it quiet and no one really says anything except myself, so I'm kind of…

21:11🔗 Drew Alright, here's what you can do. There's not a lot you can do. You've got to understand that she has this disease just as if she had cancer or heart disease and it's not something you can control or do much about, but you do have some leverage. One thing you can do that is essential for your own health and may actually have the highest probability of getting her to move towards more, to really embrace treatment more realistically, is for you to go to an Al-Anon, you to go to a co-dependency meeting, regularly get a sponsor and work the steps yourself because that disengages you from the dance and the identified addict will feel that separation and get a little freaked out by it. When you really have had it with their disease and you start growing in a recovery of your own, you won't put up with this crap anymore and they'll see it and that freaks them out. They really believe they're losing you and they begin to put the pieces together that's their disease that's causing them to lose you. So you can do that and then you can call her doctor or the pharmacies or whoever else prescribing these things and notify them that there's addiction here.

22:07🔗 Caller Well she keeps like bouncing around from pharmacy.

22:10🔗 Drew I know just listen there's only a certain number of pharmacies in your area you can call them all.

22:14🔗 Caller Okay. Just get away. Yeah I mean like I it's been going on for several years I remember when I was really young she would you know.

22:20🔗 Drew I know Stevie.

22:23🔗 Adam Wait you really think they're getting on the horn with the pharmacist?

22:25🔗 Drew No I don't think that's the best but you see Stevie really wants to do something that's the best thing she can do but but otherwise it's going to Al-Nod herself.

22:30🔗 Adam Yeah I think she just go to Al-Nod like I don't want to tell your business but I think the idea that she's going to be responsible. Make the change is a bad director.

22:39🔗 Drew No you're right.

22:39🔗 Aisha Tyler I mean one thing is you sound like you're really you're very self-aware and you're very aware what's going on in your mom's life.

22:44🔗 Drew She's parentalized which is sort of from that.

22:46🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah which sucks that you have to kind of be the parent in the situation but you know I would also just for your own sake I think what Dr. Drew said is great you need to start to like like make a life for yourself and create a space for yourself that feels safe but you should also just not be afraid to be honest with people like in your family you know when people are because a lot of people they're enabling this they don't want to deal with it and you should be like you know you guys this is this is bull crap that you're not being honest about this and and get a maybe an environment around your mom where she feels like she doesn't have anybody that's making it safe for her to be an addict.

23:13🔗 Drew But then that's interesting a black family and a white family.

23:16🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah my family is all about interventions we're like I won't take it anymore you always eat all the pie.

23:21🔗 Drew Stevie another good book for you is The Drama of the Gifted Child that will sort of tell your story a little bit. Yeah I can tell that's you.

23:29🔗 Aisha Tyler But you sound really strong you know and don't don't feel like you know that's an incredible thing and hold on to that and don't don't ever feel like you're wrong for what you're doing.

23:37🔗 Drew There you go.

23:37🔗 Adam Have a good time. I like to contribute something to every call.

23:44🔗 Drew Always you do. Well it's either Abundanza.

23:46🔗 Adam Abundanza.

23:46🔗 Aisha Tyler Pizza for one.

23:47🔗 Drew Or what you gonna do?

23:49🔗 Adam What are you gonna do?

23:50🔗 Drew It takes all kinds.

23:51🔗 Adam Yeah.

23:52🔗 Drew Or good times.

23:53🔗 Adam It's been a while since Cyber Adam has performed on the show. Hey, it takes all kinds. I really think, I just laid down like five drops and I think, I don't think I have to show up anymore.

24:04🔗 Drew No, that's it. What?

24:05🔗 Aisha Tyler Show them in there.

24:06🔗 Drew Full diversity. You can show up once in a while.

24:08🔗 Aisha Tyler You probably, if you go home, you might think of another 10 or 15.

24:10🔗 Adam We'll try. Gems. We'll try Aisha Tyler's here tonight. And by the way, her new book is Swerve Reckless Observations of a Postmodern Girl. When we come back, we'll try a little cyber adams. We can take a call.

24:24🔗 Drew Yeah, that's a good time.

24:26🔗 Aisha Tyler Only with you're just going to go to the can?

24:27🔗 Adam It's like five drops. Yeah. Good times. It takes all kinds. It takes all kinds. It'll work. You'll see. We'll be right back after this. Hello.

24:41🔗 Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV.

24:51🔗 Adam Here, buddy. I'm Adam. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Aisha Tyler's in studio tonight. Swerve is the name of the new book, Reckless Observations of a Postmodern Girl. And, tomorrow night, we have Drew, you got three punches in in the first 28 minutes of the show. Tomorrow night, Jeff Probst will be in here from Survivor.

25:20🔗 Aisha Tyler Very exciting.

25:21🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm excited to meet him. I do really enjoy that show. And also, it couldn't get any harder this year. They're just dropping them off. Yeah. They're not giving them fire.

25:33🔗 Drew Well, they ultimately do, right?

25:35🔗 Adam No.

25:35🔗 Drew I mean, two of them got fire.

25:37🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, they have to make it. They've got to make it. If you don't make it, you don't get it. I mean, I'm sure at some point they'll have to get it.

25:41🔗 Drew I thought the contest, the last thing they did, no, they didn't get it.

25:45🔗 Aisha Tyler No, they didn't get fire. They gave it, I mean, in the environment, but they couldn't take it back to camp. Not only that, but apparently these people are all getting dehydration sickness.

25:52🔗 Drew Listen, old, what's-his-name, Rudy, you cannot take a 75-year-old man. He will die fast.

25:59🔗 Aisha Tyler Organ failure. Yeah.

26:00🔗 Drew I mean, that is some serious ass. I don't understand.

26:03🔗 Aisha Tyler Dude, I'm parched if I don't have a cup of tea in there.

26:05🔗 Drew And we're talking about three days without water is a big deal.

26:08🔗 Aisha Tyler You can die in that time. No sweat. It was raining and they were like sucking on the edges of those little Of course. Those little marketing outfits.

26:15🔗 Drew I mean, it really, it's a little, it's sort of offensive slash dangerous slash entertaining.

26:20🔗 Aisha Tyler There's got to be a staff doctor there that is watching these people and making sure that they don't reach the point where they get really sick.

26:26🔗 Drew Listen, if you remember once his name fell in the fire, they had to bring a helicopter in. There was nothing there for that guy.

26:32🔗 Adam I don't know. And I don't know how you make sure someone's not getting being dehydrated unless they're being hydrated.

26:37🔗 Drew That's the only way you get, it's only blood tests.

26:39🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, aren't, and by the way, also aren't, can't you look at them and like look at their tongue and their eyes and their responsiveness and kind of see?

26:45🔗 Drew I could see through television that they were in trouble.

26:47🔗 Aisha Tyler Really?

26:47🔗 Drew Serious trouble. And not only that, when Jerry was here, she talked about the refeeding. When you, somebody's been starving for a while, the refeeding has done on a very systematic way.

26:54🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, you can't just eat a sandwich.

26:56🔗 Drew They had all these horrible medical problems from there. They'd swelled up. They got phosphate problems. I mean, these are life-threatening potential problems.

27:02🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, you know, the guy who created the show created the Eco Challenge. Have you ever watched the Eco Challenge before? Yeah. I've been obsessed with the Eco Challenge. The Eco Challenge is survivor-like to the nth degree because they're actually true athletes. This is like a 300 to a 400 mile race. Right? No sleep, no rest, no stopping. And these people, one, I remember one year a girl vomited up the entire lining of her stomach. Well, you know, that's, yeah, I mean, I think you just sign up and you- I don't know. You know, placenta? I have no idea. But the point is that these are athletes. They've agreed to this race. They don't sleep. They eat as they run.

27:34🔗 Drew But young people can withstand a lot.

27:36🔗 Aisha Tyler But, I mean, Rudy must have said going in, I know the risks of this.

27:39🔗 Drew Yeah, but who assessed that?

27:40🔗 Aisha Tyler No one's going to let me die.

27:41🔗 Drew Rudy is, you know-

27:43🔗 Aisha Tyler Don't they have to undergo like a medical test or something?

27:46🔗 Drew You know, I worked on Big Brother and they did nominal psychological testing.

27:50🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, you know, but Big Brother, those guys are like fighting over the toaster.

27:52🔗 Drew No, but the point is they were like, oh, we're doing a psychological testing.

27:55🔗 Aisha Tyler Oh, really?

27:56🔗 Drew Nominal. It's basically, are they psychotic?

27:58🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, like, are they going to stab somebody with a plastic bag?

28:01🔗 Drew Are they violent? Are they psychotic? That's it. All right.

28:03🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. You can be in perfect health and then not drink for a week and fall into bad health. The other thing that struck me is, you know, we spent, as humans, we spent the entire part of our existence up until this point trying to get things, I mean, trying to put roofs over our heads, trying to get food, trying to, trying to package things so we had them. Yeah, trying to protect ourselves from the elements. And the last three years, it's just been all of us just diving outside and seeing how far we could run before we drop.

28:31🔗 Aisha Tyler So what is that? I mean, I think that's probably like a natural human response to everything feeling kind of manufactured and managed.

28:37🔗 Adam I think the feeling is, is we got to keep moving forward. And if we create an environment that's too comfortable for ourselves, then we'll take ourselves out of the environment and keep scraping and clawing.

28:48🔗 Drew I think it's complete denial of the biological reality. And no sense of there being a difference in nature. It's like, no big deal. I'm fine here in Los Angeles. I'll be fine on an island.

28:57🔗 Adam But no, I mean, look at it this way. It's like now what you have to do is because there's no physical challenges in life anymore, we have to create those for ourselves.

29:09🔗 Drew You're right. There's some of that. But again, let Susan, hold on.

29:12🔗 Adam This is like a dog. You bring it home, you domesticate it. It needs to chase something. It doesn't go on living in a house now.

29:19🔗 Drew But again, the denial to me was so evident when Susan, they go, okay, listen, this will eat your brain. You're going to get these parasites.

29:25🔗 Aisha Tyler What's going to eat her brain?

29:27🔗 Drew The water is infected with very dangerous pathogens and she goes, oh, I've had worse water. No problem. I'll just drink it.

29:35🔗 Aisha Tyler I don't know. Is that denial? Is that dumb? That's denial. That's thirsty. For a long time. I can't do it anymore, but I used to be really into backcountry camping. I would go out for like two weeks and I'd carry a 65-pound pack and I was really into that. We'd fish for own food and all that, mandas and dig a hole and everything. Yeah. I mean, it's something I've loved since I was a little kid, but there was never a point in any of that. I was a pretty accomplished backcountry camper that I was like, I'm just going to drink this water. I mean, it was about education. I knew what could happen, that I could get very sick and I could die.

30:03🔗 Drew But she believed it. She didn't believe it.

30:05🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, that's because she was an, can I say, idiot?

30:08🔗 Adam Well, let me say, bring up two points. A, you're desperate. I mean, when you're thirsty and nothing's happening, you're looking at the water, and you've had a long, lucky lineage of drinking crappy water, and you're fine.

30:21🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, she's like a lead-infested well, and she came out just fine.

30:24🔗 Adam Number two, if the producers are smart, they do clear up that water. They tell everybody it's tainted well water. It needs to be...

30:32🔗 Aisha Tyler I mean, I can't imagine that CBS would put themselves in a position... They would put themselves in a position where they would put anybody in jeopardy of dying. I just, I don't believe that.

30:41🔗 Adam I think if you have water that's infested with parasites that could kill or maim the person somehow, and you give them no way to sterilize that water, you're going to be liable if something happens to that person.

30:53🔗 Drew And you see her with the cup and taking it to her lips, you don't stop.

30:56🔗 Adam I would say that that may be a little Hollywood magic.

30:59🔗 Drew All right, well said.

31:00🔗 Adam Thank you. Rachel? Yeah. Year 25? I don't know what I like about Drew, he's always man enough to admit when I'm right. And so am I. Go ahead, Rachel. And I'm always man enough to admit when you should admit I'm right.

31:15🔗 Drew I love having my mind changed.

31:17🔗 Aisha Tyler The self-actualization in here is overwhelming.

31:19🔗 Adam Thank you. Thank you.

31:22🔗 I've been on a depot shot for three years and I haven't had a period since. And I just recently was supposed to get my last shot and I didn't because somebody told me that it's really unhealthy to go that long without a period.

31:34🔗 Drew Who told you that? Wait, wait, Rachel, who told you that?

31:39🔗 Adam Internet dude.

31:40🔗 No, it was a military doctor actually.

31:44🔗 Drew A military doctor told you that?

31:46🔗 Yeah.

31:46🔗 Drew Well, the depot-previer shot, when it is working, stops your period. You do not have periods when you have nothing but bleeding for the first three months, sometimes for the first six months, and then it shuts down and you have none after that. That's the way it goes. It's just fine. And in fact, people are moving towards taking the birth control pill continuously. So even when you take the pill, not the shot, but the pill that we're so used to, people take that continuously so you don't have a period either. There's nothing special about having a period.

32:16🔗 Aisha Tyler And isn't it when you're on a birth control, on some kind of birth control method that it's not like the blood is building up, but it's not coming out. I mean, you're not creating it.

32:25🔗 Drew That's right. You're not creating it. Because the pill suppresses that from happening. But that morning after pill is going over the counter. It's getting closer and closer.

32:32🔗 Aisha Tyler Oh, how exciting. We could get that when I was in college, you know.

32:35🔗 Drew You can get it with a prescription. But it's going to be over the counter.

32:39🔗 Adam Let's talk to David.

32:40🔗 Aisha Tyler Don't go off your birth control. Don't get pregnant. That's lame.

32:44🔗 Adam Yeah. This would be a good PSA for you.

32:47🔗 Drew I believe it.

32:48🔗 Aisha Tyler I mean, I'm not going to couch it in sparkles and gems. Getting pregnant is lame. If you're not married or in some kind of situation where you can support a kid, it's just lame.

32:57🔗 Drew And this is again back to the denial of biological reality. Throughout human history, even since industrial age, one out of five women died in childbirth. It's a dangerous condition.

33:07🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah. It's also dangerous to have a kid that you can't take care of.

33:10🔗 Adam I like when your old boyfriend, David Schwimmer, would do those PSAs where he'd ask you to talk to your kids.

33:16🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes, David cares. He cares about the kids.

33:19🔗 Adam Let me say something to the CBS, I mean the NBC folks. It's condescending when you have celebrities who don't have kids to tell people to talk to their kids. And by the way, you got to be a little more specific than talk. Talk to them about drugs, perhaps.

33:34🔗 Drew It's very condescending.

33:35🔗 Aisha Tyler The PSAs are like 15 seconds long, they're trying to like save the world in 15 seconds.

33:38🔗 Adam I always like it that they have to be in the middle of something. Schwimmer's got to be sitting there just putting the final touches, just putting an article to bed on his laptop and then look up, hi, I'm David Schwimmer. You have to be doing something before you just do the PSA.

33:54🔗 Aisha Tyler He's sitting on the now you know stage.

33:56🔗 Adam Just sit there and deliver. Don't pretend like we interrupted something. What happened? A camera crew and a boom mic rolled in. Okay, let me just finish this article later. Hi, I'm David Schwimmer. Please talk to your kids. Drew, you have kids for years. Before Schwimmer gave you that advice, it'd be like.

34:14🔗 Drew I didn't talk to him before that.

34:15🔗 Adam Daddy, am I going to be able to play Little League this year? Daddy, can you help me with my homework? What's what's three times seven? You sound like Scooby Doo, right? Yeah, thank Christ Schwimmer's giving us a heads up.

34:36🔗 Drew I woken up and started speaking immediately.

34:40🔗 Aisha Tyler I'm respectfully abstaining from this conversation.

34:42🔗 Adam Thank God NBC got on top of that.

34:45🔗 Aisha Tyler I'm going to respectfully refrain.

34:48🔗 Adam How does that get pitched, by the way? Hey, we got to do some PSA. I got a theme.

34:53🔗 How about you open your mouth and something comes out?

34:55🔗 Drew Same guys that brought us Hogan's Heroes brought us that.

34:57🔗 Adam Oh, Christ Almighty. Talk to your kids. How condescending. I don't even have kids. I was ready to kill them. Does Swimmer have kids?

35:08🔗 Aisha Tyler No.

35:08🔗 Adam No. All right, then shut up.

35:11🔗 Aisha Tyler But he cares. He cares. I love kids. I love the kids.

35:15🔗 Adam And by the way, what happened? They should tell us it's coming because what if we don't have a scratch pad ready to write down these pearls of wisdom?

35:21🔗 Hold on. What did he say, honey?

35:23🔗 Adam I don't know. I think he said something about chalk. Oh, Christ, it wasn't that.

35:27🔗 Aisha Tyler I knew it.

35:28🔗 Adam We should have Tivo'd it so we could figure out what to do with our goddamn kids. This is it.

35:34🔗 Aisha Tyler This is the result. The only problem with this argument is that there are so many screwed up kids out there. You think that there are probably people for whom a gem such as talk to your kids would probably be a pretty useful piece of information.

35:44🔗 Adam I'm sure there's a guy just taking a drag off a crack pipe who just turned a corner because Schwimmer looked up from his laptop. Honey, honey, come out from the meth lab for a second. Schwimmer said we should start talking to kids. Well I thought we were going to beat them and burn them with cigarette butts. No, no, no. It turns out that's wrong.

36:02🔗 Drew No, you can do that too. Just make sure you talk to them.

36:05🔗 Adam Honey, I'm going to burn you with something called a Tiparillo right now. Tiparillo.

36:09🔗 Caller Newport.

36:12🔗 Drew You said Newport.

36:13🔗 Aisha Tyler It's a fine cigarette.

36:15🔗 Adam Schwimmer's telling us to talk to the kids.

36:16🔗 Aisha Tyler Maybe a Merritt or a Trudy.

36:20🔗 Adam All right, we got to take a break.

36:22🔗 CyberAnims.

36:23🔗 Aisha Tyler We got the girl with the double shots. Don't get pregnant. It's lame.

36:27🔗 Drew I like that.

36:28🔗 Adam Drew, let me just one more quickie. Let's just say your daughter came up and said, like, I want to go ice skating. Can we go ice skating, daddy? That was the old Drew. That was pre-schwimmer, right?

36:42🔗 Drew Absolutely.

36:43🔗 Adam And then now what you do is you start to use your mouth, right?

36:46🔗 Drew And my tongue. And my vocal cords.

36:48🔗 Adam Words coming out.

36:48🔗 Drew It's amazing.

36:49🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, honey, let's discuss it.

36:50🔗 Drew Funny how that works.

36:51🔗 Adam Schwimmer ought to cut another ad of other people we could talk to, grandparents, folks buying the counter at the liquor store. Who else can we talk to, David? Is it just the kids? Now I'm confused. What if the mailman comes by? You're allowed to speak to him? How's that work, Drew?

37:06🔗 Drew I've always spoken to him.

37:07🔗 Drew, it would be funny if you grunted.

37:10🔗 Adam All right, Aisha Tyler is here tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

37:16🔗 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

37:18🔗 Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

37:23🔗 Aisha Tyler is on tonight.

37:39🔗 Adam The name of the book, I'll be on Jimmy Kimmel later on tonight if you want to see that. Yes.

37:48🔗 Drew I had my DSL went down today. I spent all day working on it. And I just want to give a shout out to SBC whose technical people saved my ass.

37:57🔗 Aisha Tyler This was so exciting because it was like geeky and then also kind of ghetto at the same time because you gave a shout out to the SBC technical support.

38:04🔗 Drew Those are my peeps down there at SBC. Fantastic. The patient that walked me through stuff. It was the best thing, the best computer experience I ever had. Yeah.

38:14🔗 Adam What about all that porn you downloaded? Not as good as that?

38:16🔗 Drew Not as good as the SBC tech people.

38:19🔗 Adam Did they know who you were? No, no.

38:21🔗 Drew No, they didn't know I was.

38:23🔗 Adam But you dropped the doctor.

38:24🔗 Aisha Tyler You dropped the name?

38:25🔗 Drew No, no. I just said they-

38:27🔗 Aisha Tyler You said people are going to die if my DSL doesn't come back up.

38:29🔗 Drew I just expressed how frustrated and crazy it was for me. And they said, I just sit back. We'll get you through this.

38:34🔗 Adam Jeff Probst is in here tomorrow night from Survivor, who we've never had on this show, to the best of my knowledge, but evidently a fan of the show. We'll find out. All right, oh, hold on. Anderson, you ready to do some cyber, Adam?

38:47🔗 Caller I got your back.

38:49🔗 Drew By the way, Jeff Probst being a fan of the show, whenever somebody comes in with that big, sort of announcing that the guy's a great fan, he comes in and goes, how's this work? What happened? What are you guys talking about?

38:57🔗 Adam No, it's more like, which one of you seductive?

39:01🔗 Aisha Tyler I just was on air with Ryan Seacrest with Jeff last Thursday or Friday. He seems like a charming fellow.

39:08🔗 Adam Oh, big whoop. All right, there's Cyber Adam. All right, David, you're 25. Here we go.

39:14🔗 Caller Yes, sir. Adam, you're both funny and wise. Dr. Pinsky read your book. I enjoyed it. It changed my opinion of addiction.

39:22🔗 Adam That's why you make the big bucks.

39:23🔗 Drew Fantastic.

39:25🔗 Caller And Ms. Tyler, I'm not familiar with your work, but I will be looking into your book, Swerve.

39:30🔗 Aisha Tyler Thank you. Thank you. Check it out.

39:31🔗 Adam Good times.

39:34🔗 Caller I'm writing a story for my creative writing class inspired by Loveline. And I'd like your input on a scenario I present in a story. I've got a basic idea, but I want to hear what you guys think.

39:45🔗 Adam I go.

39:49🔗 Caller It's basically the Loveline set up that names the change and everything like that. It's a call in talk show.

39:55🔗 Adam Good times.

39:56🔗 Drew Why change the names? You don't have to do that.

39:59🔗 Caller I felt I didn't want to. Go ahead. If it turned out to be a bad story. Slow day and then you have an old caller call in who.

40:11🔗 Drew That is a cancer, Aisha. She's looking at a vulvar cancer.

40:16🔗 Aisha Tyler Drew brought in this book on reconstructive and plastic surgery of the external genitalia. And it's just, I'm never going to sleep again, I think is what I'm saying.

40:28🔗 Adam Shut up, everyone, talk.

40:35🔗 Aisha Tyler We're listening. We're listening.

40:38🔗 Caller Old caller calls in and. She's calling to report how she's doing after you told her to leave her abusive boyfriend.

40:46🔗 All right.

40:46🔗 Caller And she states that she's doing fine, but her boyfriend is with her now. And she's calling to report how she's doing after you told her to leave her abusive boyfriend. All right. And she states that she's doing fine, but her boyfriend is with her now.

41:04🔗 And.

41:04🔗 Caller And I wanted to know what your reaction to that sort of scenario would be.

41:09🔗 Drew To keep somebody on the line as long as possible and find a way to trace the call, which we've done in the past. Yeah. And we usually we get some information about where you're calling from. So we would immediately get the local police on the line and send them out all over the place. And we've been able to do it.

41:29🔗 Aisha Tyler We've been able to track people down. If somebody makes a call like that, they're in a desperate situation.

41:33🔗 Drew Yeah. We've been able to track that down. Then I would try to get the guy on the phone and talk him down a bit. And then we'd call local authorities here also and try to get them to see if they have any negotiating people or somebody that we can get in here. Okay. And the whole thing would be to keep the thing going as long as possible. Just keep it on the phone. And we would, you know, I doubt a call like that would get on the air. I just think the screeners would pick up on that. But if it got on the air, we'd have to get it off very, very quickly. And understand, we've had weird stuff happen. If you remember, Fletcher from Pennywise held us hostage here, claiming to have a grenade. And we had to have the SWAT team in the next room and stuff. It was a crazy thing. Yeah, it was good times.

42:20🔗 Caller That sounds like fun.

42:20🔗 Drew Takes all kinds.

42:21🔗 Adam Drew masturbated to Thomas the Tank Engine once.

42:25🔗 Drew All right, David.

42:27🔗 Caller Thank you very much.

42:28🔗 Drew There you go.

42:29🔗 Adam You understand why I hate our callers, even the ones that have been raped?

42:33🔗 Drew All right.

42:33🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, I'm back. That's love.

42:35🔗 Adam How'd that go? Cyber Adam.

42:41🔗 Drew I couldn't tell. I'm confused.

42:43🔗 Adam Cyber Adam is better.

42:47🔗 Aisha Tyler Cyber Adam is succinct. I would say that a little less.

42:50🔗 Drew A little less of a blowhard.

42:51🔗 Adam If Cyber Adam can draw the same paycheck as Flesh and Blood Adam, that's the day I stopped showing up. This is my goal.

43:01🔗 Drew All right.

43:01🔗 Adam What did Anderson do?

43:02🔗 Drew I don't know. You got a cut? I would have to get a cut of that, though. Oh, yeah.

43:06🔗 Adam Anderson, definitely.

43:07🔗 Drew He'd be the master seller.

43:08🔗 Adam He'd be bumped up from, well, I think he's in single digits by the hour now, but I mean, definitely well into the double digit. Well, not that far. That's why I make the big bucks. Mike?

43:21🔗 Long time fan of y'all's. Aisha, I loved you on Talk Soup.

43:24🔗 Aisha Tyler Thank you so much.

43:28🔗 Got a little bit of a problem. I've been married for a year and a half, but I have serious addiction problems with everything. But I've got an addiction to pornography, and I'm obsessed with sex all the time.

43:45🔗 Drew So you're an active addict. You're currently using pornography? You said he's addicted to lots of things. What are you using?

43:53🔗 Well, I'm a three-year recovering alcoholic.

44:06🔗 Drew Okay. How's your program going?

44:08🔗 Good. Good. All of that's going real good.

44:10🔗 Drew So you still have daily contact with your sponsor?

44:13🔗 Adam No. Daily contact.

44:15🔗 Drew What step are you on? Ten.

44:19🔗 Adam Ten?

44:20🔗 But the problem is, no matter what I do, no matter what I try, I just can't, I can't get sex off my mind.

44:28🔗 Drew Were you sexually abused as a child?

44:30🔗 Yes. At the age of five, my family.

44:35🔗 Drew Yeah. And that's sort of where you add sexual abuse to the disease of addiction and you get Mike. That's sort of how that happens. And if, if you're alcohol recovery or are you an NA or AA? And you have a sponsor in each? Wow. Usually a lot of NA guys have this problem. So you, first of all, you need to maybe do an inventory around this issue with your NA sponsor. And if that, and you might get the, the big book for SA. It's a white book with a white cover and sort of goes into some of the detail about sexual addictions. That's sort of what I would do. Get, get more open with your NA sponsor about this.

45:13🔗 Adam A little rubber band around the tongue is snapping every time you think about beating off. I tried that for a while.

45:19🔗 I feel that I'm, I have a great marriage. I've been married for a year and a half. I was a, believe it or not, I was a virgin until I got married.

45:27🔗 Adam Well, what are you doing? You beating off a lot? Are you seeing hookers? What are you doing?

45:32🔗 Nothing, cheating, just masturbation.

45:35🔗 Drew Yeah, having the internet pouring into your computer is like having a crack pipe.

45:39🔗 Adam Yeah, that's why Drew went nuts without his DSL lines for ten minutes today. I feel like it's noon through five o'clock is, you know, jack off time for the rest of the crew. That's me time. That's true time. All right. Well, look, she's dynamite lady. But how often are you beating off? Every day. Once a day? Well, what do you think about this, Drew?

46:04🔗 Aisha Tyler Is that crazy? It's not that extreme.

46:06🔗 Drew It's not.

46:07🔗 Adam It does seem a little light.

46:08🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, I mean, yeah. So let me ask you a question. On your behalf, I'm going to ask these guys a question, which is, in this situation where he cares about his marriage and he's concerned that, you know, this addiction could jeopardize his marriage, your marriage, your marriage I'm talking to you, would it be, should he talk to his wife about it?

46:29🔗 Drew All right.

46:29🔗 Adam Hold on. We got to get to the answer to that.

46:31🔗 Drew All right.

46:31🔗 Adam Take a break. This is fine. Do we involve her or not?

46:34🔗 Drew Good.

46:34🔗 Adam Let's cut it out altogether. Aisha Tyler is here tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

46:40🔗 Alright guys, here's the deal.

46:41🔗 You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

46:45🔗 Adam One call is all you need to make.

46:46🔗 Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

46:50🔗 Call the Dateline.

47:23🔗 Adam Jeff Brooks is in here tomorrow night from Survivor Tonight. Aisha Tyler is here. Name of the book? Swerve. Reckless Observations of a Postmodern Girl. It is out. Oh, it came out last week.

47:36🔗 Aisha Tyler It came out last Monday. And it's actually already a bestseller on Amazon. And Barnes & Noble did really well the first week.

47:43🔗 Adam So, wow.

47:44🔗 Aisha Tyler So what does that mean? Go buy it before it's all gone.

47:46🔗 Adam That's right. They made like they made like thirty seven of them.

47:50🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah. And that's it.

47:50🔗 And then thirty four.

47:51🔗 Aisha Tyler And then if you don't buy it now, no, that's it.

47:54🔗 Adam And they'll they'll they'll break the plates, as they say, they'll destroy it. It'll be like I think they did that with the SR. Seventy one Blackbird reconnaissance plan.

48:04🔗 They'll they'll just they destroy the molds or the limited run book on Muhammad Ali.

48:09🔗 Aisha Tyler It's just like there's only a thousand in that.

48:10🔗 Adam This is what's going on now.

48:12🔗 Drew We lost our caller.

48:13🔗 Aisha Tyler Oh, that sucked. He went off to masturbate.

48:17🔗 Drew And what we were talking about was whether first of all to establish whether in fact he was an addict, which was not clear. I mean, he is an addict.

48:22🔗 Aisha Tyler Once a day seemed to me not to be a really right.

48:25🔗 Drew And addictive behavior is defined by consequences. And yeah, he was having guilt. But was he really having consequences that we were going to try to establish? And the question was, should he talk to his wife about it or not? And my suggestion is, look, just work with your NA sponsor on it, do an inventory. And if it comes to the point where it is important to tell her, tell her. And my concern is if you just tell her without working it out, without figuring it out, right? That could kick the door open to his addiction spiraling out of control.

48:49🔗 Aisha Tyler He feels enabled. He feels like now that everybody knows it's fine, it can just go nuts.

48:54🔗 Drew Nothing restraining us.

48:55🔗 Aisha Tyler I mean, I was just saying, I don't think you should. I just, my curiosity came from the idea that maybe if he told her, he might not feel so crazy and guilty and hidden about it. And then he might feel like, you know, he could get help in an open and honest way.

49:09🔗 Drew Which is a good point, because when one of the things that addicts do, when they feel uncomfortable, guilty, ashamed, whatever, it escalates their behavior because they're trying to now manage that feeling too. So there's something to it, but we lost him. So, all right. Take all kinds. But good times.

49:26🔗 Aisha Tyler Good times.

49:28🔗 Adam Hey, Pat, you're 15. What's up?

49:31🔗 Caller I got a question. I actually need some advice. So I was at school today and my girlfriend comes up to me and she was telling me how she would think it'd be cool if we had sex in a confessional booth, like in a Catholic church. No, really.

49:47🔗 Adam Bogus.

49:49🔗 Caller No, it can't be.

49:51🔗 You guys can think so or whatever, but it's not.

49:54🔗 Drew It might have happened in a joking way. It might have been a topic of discussion you guys had, but I don't buy that this was something that she seriously wanted you to plan.

50:03🔗 Adam Bogus.

50:05🔗 Caller No, well, I don't know. I thought it was kind of crazy, too, and it kind of freaked me out because I'm Catholic, but I don't go to church often, only when I'm at my mom's house.

50:15🔗 Drew We're intrigued by your persistence, Pat.

50:16🔗 Adam Yeah, I do like the way you're pushing forward here. It's sort of like an American Idol when they tell them to get out and keep singing.

50:25🔗 Aisha Tyler So what's the question? Should you or should you not do it?

50:28🔗 Adam Exactly.

50:28🔗 Drew That's why it's a Bogus call.

50:30🔗 Aisha Tyler No. Why? I mean, the answer would be no.

50:33🔗 Drew There's no question.

50:34🔗 Aisha Tyler The answer to the question would be no.

50:35🔗 Drew The answer, Pat, the answer to the question is yes, forge ahead, yes, have sex in a confessional booth. Perfect idea. There's no question.

50:42🔗 Aisha Tyler That's an easy question to answer. You can answer that yourself.

50:44🔗 All right. Yeah.

50:46🔗 Drew Yeah.

50:47🔗 Aisha Tyler But you just want to divide some discussion so you get a little hot dialogue going before you pan over it.

50:52🔗 Adam Here's the keys to Bogus Calling, Pat. You have to have, something's got to be at stake. There has to be a question.

50:57🔗 Drew There has to be something you genuinely need an answer to, not just a statement.

51:03🔗 Adam They make announcements.

51:04🔗 Drew They don't have questions.

51:04🔗 Adam They don't have questions.

51:05🔗 Caller Right.

51:06🔗 Adam That's right.

51:07🔗 Drew You're announcing your girlfriend came up with a bizarre idea.

51:09🔗 Aisha Tyler Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought it happened to me.

51:11🔗 Drew And by the way, it's not, when something is a genuinely totally bizarre idea, the question's not, is that a bizarre idea?

51:19🔗 Caller Right.

51:20🔗 Adam Kyle? Hey. Hey, you're 16. What's up? Yeah.

51:24🔗 Caller Man, first, I want to say, Adam, you're so cool, man. You're like my idol.

51:29🔗 Adam Thanks, buddy.

51:30🔗 Drew Now I'm scared.

51:31🔗 Yeah.

51:33🔗 Caller Okay, my girlfriend, I got another question about girlfriend. She's like always wanting sex.

51:42🔗 Drew How old is she? How old is she?

51:44🔗 Caller 16. And I mean, at first, it was cool, you know, but like, it's starting to disrupt my life, you know? Like school, taking away from school time and all that, so, like, I don't know.

51:59🔗 Drew Does she have some issues? Was she sexually abused?

52:03🔗 Caller Um, you know, I don't really know. I know she doesn't go to school that much, you know, she cuts a lot and all that, you know? And I just want to know, like, what I should do about it, what I should tell her or something.

52:14🔗 Drew Well, she may need a little bit of help here, and maybe there's something more going on than certainly more than you can do.

52:19🔗 Adam Oh, Kyle seems perfectly capable.

52:21🔗 Drew To do the therapy. Yeah, so he's had years of training, years of work.

52:24🔗 Adam How often, how often does she want sex?

52:28🔗 Caller You know, sometimes, like, you know, on, like, on easy days it would be like twice.

52:35🔗 Drew Easy days, when she's letting off easy.

52:36🔗 Caller Right. Yeah, sometimes you get up to four or five.

52:39🔗 Aisha Tyler Do you guys, like, are you guys friends? Do you talk about stuff, or are you just always, like, doing it?

52:43🔗 Caller Um, not, no, we don't talk much, I mean.

52:46🔗 Aisha Tyler You just have sex all the time?

52:49🔗 Caller We go out and stuff, you know, we, we all go on dates.

52:51🔗 Aisha Tyler Together, or, like, with other people?

52:53🔗 Drew Aisha, not much time left in the day.

52:55🔗 Aisha Tyler Right, that's like, that's exhausting.

52:57🔗 Drew Yeah, they gotta get to it.

52:58🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, I mean, I guess my, I mean, I guess my question is, like, you know, is this about this girl being a sex addict, or is this about the fact that this, also, that this couple has, like, no intimacy that isn't sexual?

53:05🔗 Drew Well, this...

53:06🔗 Aisha Tyler And she's looking for intimacy, any kind of intimacy at all.

53:08🔗 Drew Yeah.

53:09🔗 Aisha Tyler So she'll take it sexually, she'll take anything she can get.

53:11🔗 Drew No, that's the...

53:12🔗 Adam Becoming quite cathartic, let me say.

53:15🔗 Aisha Tyler I liked it, I liked it, I thought it, I thought it sounded thinking. The guy with the degree is naysayingly...

53:21🔗 Drew It's just not the way things get played out. It's just...

53:23🔗 Aisha Tyler But I mean, like, if this is a girl who has intimacy issues or she's not getting enough intimacy in other parts of her life, this is the only way she can feel close to somebody.

53:30🔗 Drew Yeah, she will do that and she will accept an abandoning guy just using her for sex, but she won't demand it five times a day.

53:37🔗 Aisha Tyler Okay, so I guess the flip is if this guy was being able to be like a friend to her and intimate with her in other ways, maybe she wouldn't want to have so much sex now.

53:44🔗 Drew Because, in fact, unless she were a sex addict or sexual abuse, she wouldn't be up for five times. She couldn't really imagine five times a day.

53:51🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, that seems like a working girl situation.

53:53🔗 Adam Here's the other thing too. When a woman's needs aren't being met outside of the bedroom where she needs a little more hand holding and a little how is your day, they don't pay you off by having more sex.

54:05🔗 Aisha Tyler I agree with you. I agree with you being one of them except for in the situation if this girl has some kind of crazy background where she's all messed up in the head and for her maybe she was abused and sex was the only affection she got from somebody.

54:21🔗 Drew It's true but the sexual abuse creates a trauma that is never fulfilled as constantly repeatedly acted out which is sex. If she merely had an unavailable parent and what not then she will accept sex as a substitute for intimacy from an unavailable guy. This guy would be pushing her away and whatever. He would be cooperating with five times a day.

54:41🔗 Adam What does a guy do? Does he sort of impose limits?

54:45🔗 Drew Yeah, absolutely. She'll experience that as abandonment and get a little crazy on him but he needs to start helping her.

54:51🔗 Aisha Tyler He shouldn't just say I'm not going to sleep with you. He should say you have a problem. It shouldn't just be like, you know, I can't do this for you anymore, but like, hey, I love you or care about you or at least think you're mildly annoying.

55:02🔗 Adam He's 16. So this guy's like, talk to Dr. Drew and he said your snitch was effed up and like your crotch is nutty. And like, so he said that he said like you could give me, don't say your crotch was nutty. He could give me oral, but I should only bang you like a couple of times a day or when I'm feeling. Maybe he said I could have the TV on.

55:27🔗 Aisha Tyler Maybe you could just say, hey, I like you a lot and I like having sex with you. But five times a day seems like maybe you need to see somebody because you have a sex addiction.

55:36🔗 Drew That's right. It's just it's more than I can keep up with. It's not natural.

55:39🔗 Aisha Tyler Don't tell her her crotch is nutty.

55:42🔗 Adam Aisha Tyler said you should have sex with somebody else if I wasn't able to give it to you good enough. And don't say that. I know. But you know, it's a disaster. The 16 year old.

55:57🔗 Aisha Tyler Oh, yeah. Especially a six year old guy. Sixteen year old girl might talk for days.

56:01🔗 Adam And here's here's here's what you need to do. And Aisha, I'm going to what would your dad say about that?

56:06🔗 Aisha Tyler My dad would say, keep your grades and your draws up.

56:09🔗 Adam But what would he say before Schwimmer talked to him?

56:13🔗 Aisha Tyler He would say, my dad was always a very, a very communicative guy.

56:20🔗 Adam What would your dad say? How much is this going to cost?

56:24🔗 Drew I think the appropriate thing would have to Aisha do that. What's it called? You know, you need to know. And just have her give a few aphorisms from her dad.

56:33🔗 Aisha Tyler I can say like it would ding, ding, ding, ding. Keep your grades and your draws up.

56:38🔗 Drew Just like daddy. What's your dad's name?

56:39🔗 Aisha Tyler Just like my father's name is Jim.

56:41🔗 Drew Just like daddy Jim you say.

56:45🔗 Aisha Tyler But like honestly when you think about it, it's beautiful in its simplicity. Keep your grades and your draws up. I mean that's it. That was the rule. That was the driving principle of my whole childhood.

56:54🔗 Drew We wouldn't be making fun of it if it had been you saying that.

56:57🔗 Aisha Tyler Do you know what I mean? No, I know. I know. It was true. I mean that's you know.

57:00🔗 Adam Talking about David Schwimmer's lame PSA about talking to your kids by the way. Is that called You Need to Know?

57:08🔗 Aisha Tyler The more you know. The more you know.

57:10🔗 Adam The more you know.

57:11🔗 Aisha Tyler I don't think you should blame Schwimmer for that. I'm sure that somebody wrote that for him.

57:14🔗 Drew Of course, of course, of course. It's the retardedness of television.

57:17🔗 Adam I don't know. I saw the commercial. He was clearly working on his laptop and the cameras came up to him.

57:22🔗 Drew And so he just came what was on his mind just popped in.

57:25🔗 Adam Well, they caught him off guard.

57:26🔗 Drew You had to say something. Yeah.

57:28🔗 Adam You need to know.

57:29🔗 Drew Blaming the guy.

57:29🔗 Adam There you go.

57:30🔗 Aisha Tyler He cares about the children.

57:32🔗 Drew Trevina.

57:32🔗 Adam Trevina. Sure. He has a whole brood of zero at home.

57:36🔗 Drew Well, who knows?

57:37🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, but I mean, really, like, don't you think a childless person could care about kids?

57:42🔗 Adam They could, but just parenting back lame advice about how to be something you're not and that just sounds, like I said, insultingly obvious. Talk to your kids. Just slap in the face. That's an attack.

57:55🔗 Drew For those of us that are doing the hard work of parenting. Trevina.

57:58🔗 Adam That's right. Trevina? 25? What's up?

58:03🔗 I was in foster care from the age of 8 to 18 and I was sexually abused and also when I got out and got on my own I turned 21 and got raped.

58:15🔗 Drew I'm starting to wonder if any foster child has not been, you know, if the sexual abuse is sort of always part of the foster care system.

58:23🔗 Aisha Tyler Well I think it's probably the people that get into foster care are people that are abusing the system. They get money for taking care of kids.

58:28🔗 Drew Yeah but then they sexually abuse the kids too. It's okay. I'd rather just take the money. I'd be fine.

58:32🔗 Adam Well maybe if they were up front, maybe that could be another swimmer PSA. Like look, if you're planning on sexually abusing your kids and being a foster parent, we'll just give you the money up front.

58:41🔗 Drew Yeah. So just take the money and go.

58:42🔗 Adam Yeah. So everyone just raise their hand. Yeah. I was thinking of sodomizing the young. So all right. Here's your cash.

58:47🔗 Drew I'm just saying, let them abuse the system and like not feed the kids. That's fine. Just don't also sexually abuse them.

58:54🔗 Adam Well you also.

58:56🔗 Aisha Tyler But you know, I'm sure that sexual abusers think, oh free kids.

58:58🔗 Drew I know.

58:59🔗 Adam Well, you also wonder if a lot of the kids that are being introduced in the system weren't sexually abused. This is the reason that they're being brought into the system. And as we know, those people, not that it's their fault at age eight, but that's something that just that's a train that gets rolling. And it's almost like if it ain't the parent, it's going to be another one of the siblings or foster kids or someone at school.

59:25🔗 Aisha Tyler What's the question?

59:27🔗 Oh, I was wondering if that was like some of the reasons why I have a hard time committing to a relationship.

59:33🔗 Adam Yes.

59:33🔗 Aisha Tyler No doubt about it.

59:34🔗 Drew It will affect your ability to have relationships profoundly.

59:36🔗 Adam Just getting put into foster care at age eight is traumatizing enough.

59:41🔗 Aisha Tyler It's very hard to trust people in a situation where everybody that you trust hasn't been worthy of your trust.

59:47🔗 Drew It affects your brain development. We're really beginning to get more insight into how the brain develops and what you need to have a functioning central nervous system that allows you to be available to a real relationship.

1:00:00🔗 Aisha Tyler Hold on.

1:00:00🔗 Adam Aisha, please stop doing origami.

1:00:05🔗 Drew Adam, pay attention here. Aisha and I are sort of strung the same way. You notice that?

1:00:09🔗 Adam Yes.

1:00:10🔗 Drew You like to punch a mic a few times?

1:00:14🔗 Adam Building a swan paper over there.

1:00:16🔗 Drew He thinks that when people do that, it's like it's intended for him to upset him because it's in his field of view. You're doing it volitionally to upset him.

1:00:25🔗 Adam Untrue.

1:00:26🔗 Drew It's just how we're wired.

1:00:27🔗 Aisha Tyler Meanwhile, he's doodled a map of the Western world on that piece of paper over there. Have you solved the Grand Unified Theory, Adam?

1:00:33🔗 Drew It's very disturbing to me.

1:00:35🔗 Adam I don't know what that means. I've quietly doodled over here where Drew has actively punched the mic four times tonight. That's all I'm saying.

1:00:43🔗 Aisha Tyler So, Trivina, it's really great that you realize that about yourself because that's, I think, a good step in the right direction that you understand that what's happened to you in the past is affecting how you relate to people right now. Right. I'm sure Dr. Drew will probably tell you how to get on the path to getting better, but it's really good that you already understand that about yourself.

1:01:03🔗 I know when I do get in relationships, I always pick the really worst ones because I know it won't last and I felt like it would be more comfortable to be in a relationship with someone who would treat me really terrible and eventually I get tired of them and then make them leave.

1:01:23🔗 Drew All those rationalizations you have about it don't even matter. The fact is that's what you're attracted to is the bad guys.

1:01:30🔗 Adam Well, let's see if we can tie this up in a nice package, which is for what you've been through, you're remarkably well put together, you're having some insights. This is a good thing. You're not just sort of blindly rolling forward, strung out on drugs and spitting out kids.

1:01:46🔗 Aisha Tyler Like you're seeing the pattern that you're in. I mean, I think that that's like a 99 percent of fixing it is like seeing that you're in a pattern.

1:01:51🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:01:52🔗 Drew Five percent.

1:01:52🔗 Adam Next.

1:01:52🔗 Aisha Tyler Okay. I'm very optimistic.

1:01:54🔗 Drew Moving towards fixing it. Moving towards fixing it.

1:01:57🔗 Adam 99 percent out of, let's say, 400 percent. All right. So Trevina, can you get any counseling for this past abuse?

1:02:07🔗 I had a lot of counseling when...

1:02:10🔗 Adam Well, and maybe that's why you're not as bad as you could have been.

1:02:13🔗 Drew You're on your way. So it's time to get some more.

1:02:15🔗 Adam Get some more. Don't have any kids. Get your feet on the ground and keep looking at the stars.

1:02:23🔗 Drew The message I would give everybody...

1:02:24🔗 Aisha Tyler Are you reading something out of a book now?

1:02:26🔗 Drew Here's my...

1:02:26🔗 Adam Casey Kasem's book.

1:02:28🔗 Drew The more you know.

1:02:30🔗 Adam The more you know.

1:02:31🔗 Drew The more you know message I would like to give out is that, hey, treatment works.

1:02:34🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:02:35🔗 Drew And that's the message that people don't seem to get is that you can access treatment and treatment works.

1:02:39🔗 Aisha Tyler And you can stay in it. I mean, it's not something that you just do for a couple of days until you get better and then you go springing off down there.

1:02:45🔗 Drew And somehow people understand if they get a knee mangled in a motorcycle accident, it takes many months, maybe years to rehabilitate. The brain is even slower recovering.

1:02:54🔗 Adam But Drew, let me ask you this. Let's say Schwimmer didn't come out with a PSA directed toward counselors to speak to their...

1:03:02🔗 Drew To their therapists, to their patients.

1:03:04🔗 Adam Yeah. I mean, what might that sound like if I came in and said, look, I can't stop living in the past. I can't stop blaming my parents. What should I do? Time is up. That's it. All right. And oh, yeah. What? How come? How can we only get 50 minutes on the hour? There you go.

1:03:28🔗 Aisha Tyler But I will also say, Trevina, that the fact that you understand... You need to also... You probably already understand this or maybe you don't. Like the things that happened to you have nothing to do with you as a person. You're not a bad person because of those things. I know this is like very easy stuff to say, but I mean, you know, you just... You see a lot and you need to like hold on to that stuff and stop being in situations with people that suck. You know what I mean? You're worth more than that. I know I'm sounding like a combination of Dr. Phil and like the back of a tea bag, but you know, I mean, the fact that you know that these things happened to you and they're affecting the way you behave now means that you can change them and you probably need help to do that.

1:03:59🔗 Drew You don't sound like Phil because Phil would say, you just need to choose to make a difference. Like you can't choose. Your brain doesn't have those mechanisms in place.

1:04:07🔗 Aisha Tyler But just being aware of it, I think, is a good step, and I think, and, you know, and maybe get people around you that aren't guys. I mean, if you keep picking these awful guys, pick other people in your life that you're not sleeping with that are great and love you and treat you wonderfully and have your, you know, spend time with them.

1:04:22🔗 Drew Aisha, next time Adam takes the night off, will you come in here and sit in front of him?

1:04:24🔗 Aisha Tyler I'd be happy to.

1:04:25🔗 Drew We had David Ongreer do it a couple nights ago and he saw your name up there and he goes, we have to have a new show. It's Dr. Drew and His Two Black Friends. I'll ask her when she comes out.

1:04:36🔗 Aisha Tyler I'd love to do Dr. Drew and His Two Black Friends. I'll come up with some more aphorisms like, you know, you're so crazy. I'll come up with some stuff that I can say on the show.

1:04:42🔗 Adam Yeah, you'd have to black it up.

1:04:43🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, I know. I know. It's very upsetting when people like, you know, they hear me on the radio and I sound like a 40 year old white woman in a Durnedale skirt and glasses and then they see me on the street. It's very upsetting.

1:04:54🔗 Adam You're telling camping stories. She's not going to cut it.

1:04:56🔗 Aisha Tyler I know. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying black people, we can go into the wilderness. You know, we can set down our salty snacks and move out of the, you know, the perimeters of the urban center.

1:05:05🔗 Adam Yeah. That's more of what we're looking for.

1:05:11🔗 Aisha Tyler I snowboard and I go camping and I do, yes, I do.

1:05:15🔗 Drew I have to recast this.

1:05:16🔗 Aisha Tyler I know. It's fine. So I can, I can, I can black it up. I can urban it up. I be going snowboarding. That's pretty white, too. I be pulling like a 280s tail fish, all crazy whack with the flip. All right. I'm sorry. I went to college. Don't be angry with me. Be angry with my parents. They made me go there because my dad said to me, as we all know now, keep your grades and your draws up. Yeah. She did. She did both. And this is the result.

1:05:41🔗 Drew That's right.

1:05:42🔗 Aisha Tyler I'm a childless girl with an Ivy League education who apparently even when she tries to sound black cannot. And I'm so sorry about that. I'm going to take some classes. Trevita will go to therapy and Aisha Tyler, Aisha's going to go to the, to the, to the black it up classes.

1:05:56🔗 Drew No, you're just going to redeem it up with that show we're going to mention.

1:05:59🔗 Adam They have a black burlitz, like a blacklitz, you know, where.

1:06:02🔗 Aisha Tyler A blacklitz, yes, with some tapes.

1:06:04🔗 Drew No, I saw Ebonics on the list of languages that they.

1:06:07🔗 Aisha Tyler It's been, it's one of those things where like if you don't know it, you can't learn it. It's like, you know, if you're not a Shaolin monk, you can't become a Shaolin monk. You're just born to the Shaolin way. You know what I mean? It always feels false afterwards if you learn it later. You're born to the Wu-Tang clan way or not at all. That's the way it is. I am in a hip-hop video right now. I don't know if you know how hard I roll. I'm in a Rockefeller family video right now. I roll with Kanye West and Jamie Foxx and the Twister video. Those are all people of my tribe. It's very exciting.

1:06:38🔗 Adam Kevin? All right.

1:06:40🔗 Aisha Tyler Wait, wait, wait.

1:06:41🔗 Drew I think he's asleep. Kevin? There he is.

1:06:44🔗 Adam What's happening?

1:06:46🔗 Drew He was asleep.

1:06:47🔗 Earlier tonight, my girlfriend and I were fooling around and, like, I guess she wanted to feel, you know, or see what it felt like, like if I put my penis inside of her, you know? Yeah.

1:07:00🔗 Drew What was that conversation like?

1:07:04🔗 I mean, I guess we were caught up in the moment.

1:07:07🔗 Drew Yeah. And you were like...

1:07:10🔗 Adam Well, that's an interesting way to put it. Keep going.

1:07:14🔗 And nothing happened, you know, like I didn't have an orgasm or anything, but like I was wondering if there was any like dangers in, you know, like maybe getting her pregnant because I know there's like...

1:07:25🔗 Aisha Tyler Lots of dangers.

1:07:26🔗 Drew Yes. You can get somebody pregnant just by breaking the plane of the vagina. There's stuff at the tip of your penis that sometimes has sperm. So you got to put your condom on every time.

1:07:36🔗 Aisha Tyler Not only that, but you could... I mean, are you both virgins?

1:07:39🔗 Yeah.

1:07:39🔗 Drew Well, they're not now.

1:07:41🔗 Adam Oh, no. They're both virgins. She just wanted to know what it was like to have a penis inside of her.

1:07:46🔗 It was literally just like one time in and then brought it back out.

1:07:54🔗 Aisha Tyler Do you and this girl want to be pregnant? I mean, there's no halfway in. It's in or not in. And once it's in, you can get pregnant every time, every time.

1:08:03🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, look, let's not be ridiculous here. If you put your penis in somebody once and pull it out, you don't have as great a likelihood of getting them pregnant as if it's in there for half an hour and you have an orgasm.

1:08:16🔗 Aisha Tyler What planet are you on?

1:08:18🔗 Adam Planet Unrealistic Time.

1:08:20🔗 Drew Two minutes and you have an orgasm.

1:08:22🔗 Adam It feels like half an hour.

1:08:23🔗 Drew I know. You don't like work and I know.

1:08:26🔗 Adam What I'll do is I'll put it in right at the end of a half-hour sitcom, so it's like, well, I made it through the sitcom. It's the last break. They were rolling credits before you got in. But it still seems like, well, I did it for the entire, according to Chia.

1:08:43🔗 Aisha Tyler That would make it feel like longer than a half hour.

1:08:46🔗 Drew That's why I chose that one.

1:08:48🔗 Adam All right. So here's the thing. This is what happens when you're sort of young and you're a virgin and you're feeling your way through life and all that kind of stuff. You got to wear a condom if you're going to have sex.

1:09:00🔗 Drew And putting a penis in a vagina is having sex, not virginity.

1:09:03🔗 Adam There's a very good... Now, we're not saying it's likely that she's pregnant, but there is the technical mathematical possibility that she is. And I don't know how long ago we did this. Why didn't we do this? Earlier tonight? Yeah, that's what he said.

1:09:16🔗 Drew You buy the morning after pill. Wouldn't be a bad idea.

1:09:20🔗 Adam Get that morning after pill. Get on the internet. Find that and all that good stuff.

1:09:23🔗 Aisha Tyler And just go buy some condoms.

1:09:26🔗 Drew And Monday night, not too late is your number to call to find a pharmacy nearby. I'll give you that pill.

1:09:31🔗 Adam All right.

1:09:33🔗 Aisha Tyler Don't get pregnant. It's lame. If you're going to build a cyber IE shot, I want that quote to be in there.

1:09:38🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, we might. If you settle into a, Drew and his two black friends.

1:09:43🔗 Drew We'll be using that all the time.

1:09:44🔗 Adam We'll be using that all the time.

1:09:45🔗 Aisha Tyler Because if you just have one, it's like an aberration. But if you have two, you're down.

1:09:48🔗 Adam And let me tell you something. This.

1:09:52🔗 Aisha Tyler You need at least two black people to form a posse.

1:09:54🔗 Adam You're not you're not finding your blackness with us because you're sandwiching between two pieces of white bread. When when you don't think I look black or by contrast, when you look black or but you're not finding that. I'm not finding that. When Dag rolls into the studio, you will find your blackness.

1:10:09🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, Dag Dag actually comes with like a cloud of blackness just kind of floating all around. He's got black. He's got extra blackness like in his pockets in the trunk of his car.

1:10:18🔗 Drew Right.

1:10:19🔗 Adam He will he will force you to be black.

1:10:21🔗 Aisha Tyler I'm here to say that there is a diversity of blackness out there. And I am of the school.

1:10:27🔗 Drew This is what our show is about.

1:10:28🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes. There's a diversity of blackness out there. Blackness is not just one thing. We don't all have to be sporting the gold chains and the droopy pants. I would I would I put forth that the new age of blackness has a college degree, drives a car that costs more than $40,000 a year, pays taxes, owns real estate, engages in snow sports, and pronounces their words correctly on a regular basis. Ladies and gentlemen, who's with me?

1:10:52🔗 Drew You have a rap sister!

1:10:54🔗 Aisha Tyler I can't even answer. It's me, Colin Powell, and that guy at Harvard who keeps teaching the classes on rap music. What's his name? He was in the Matrix movies. What's that guy's name?

1:11:01🔗 Adam I don't know. But and by the way, I know we're I like that. I know. I know the the black folk have collected the Colin Powell's and maybe the Tiger Woods of the world.

1:11:14🔗 Aisha Tyler But we'll take Condoleezza on odd days. We'll take Condoleezza on odd days, Colin.

1:11:19🔗 Adam I don't know how I don't know. Both his parents black.

1:11:23🔗 Aisha Tyler No, he's he's biracial.

1:11:25🔗 Adam He's biracial.

1:11:26🔗 Aisha Tyler He's biracial.

1:11:27🔗 Adam And you know, Tiger Woods has an Asian mother. I mean, what do you guys get? You get to claim, you know, we have so little, Adam. OK, so we'll get here.

1:11:35🔗 Aisha Tyler Here's the thing. I mean, you've got the real estate and the whole voting thing and the streetlights and the police. Let's claim the brown people. Can we have the brown people?

1:11:44🔗 Adam All I'm saying is, is we should be able to go like, all right, you get Tiger Woods. We're going to eat Colin Powell.

1:11:52🔗 Aisha Tyler You know, you can take Colin. I'm fine. You can have Colin and you can have that guy who runs the FCC because I think he's biracial as well.

1:11:57🔗 Adam But he we don't want him.

1:11:59🔗 Aisha Tyler You know, nobody wants him.

1:12:00🔗 Drew No, no, no. You got to claim them all. That goes to the diversity thing we're going for.

1:12:03🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes.

1:12:04🔗 Drew The African American diversity.

1:12:05🔗 Aisha Tyler Yes. But the point is, you know, there's I mean, I will say like in all seriousness, there's this like tyranny of culture where it's like you have to be one way to be black and coming up when I mean, you know, I was always our show. I was always put down for like, you know, not being like hard enough. And I'm just I would love it if, you know, you know, you'd be down if you like went to college man and didn't get pregnant. Well, you know, and that was cool, you know, and you to just, you know, we will be I love hip hop.

1:12:28🔗 Adam We'll promise to be colorblind here, but not so colorblind that I start making racial jokes because that happens sometimes, too. You know what I mean? Like you don't know every once in a while, you forget yourself in the thing about their blacks. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Aisha Tyler is here tonight. Don't judge. Just read the book Swerve and we'll be right back after this.

1:12:50🔗 Yes.

1:13:09🔗 Adam Love Line of Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Who's in tomorrow night? Yeah, Jeff Brope's in here tomorrow night. Going to talk about Survivor. Aisha Tyler is in here tonight, and the book is called Swerve, Reckless Observations of a Postmodern Girl. Drew has thumbed through the book and has been entertaining.

1:13:33🔗 Aisha Tyler I love it. Yeah, it's funny, and if I did it myself. But I wanted to write a book that was really, really funny. It's not like what comedians typically do, which is put their act in a book.

1:13:43🔗 Drew Lots of sex in here.

1:13:44🔗 Aisha Tyler There's a lot of stuff about sex in there. Yeah, lots of stuff about sex, lots of stuff about sexuality. I wanted it to be a really, really funny, fun book to read and a conversational book, but there's also some issues. There's some stuff about hip-hop videos and popular culture and reality shows and curvy girls and body image. But it's also a book I think that guys really like. A lot of guys have read it because it's, you know, there's stories about me going to strip clubs and me getting bikini waxes.

1:14:07🔗 Adam I don't know if we can beat off to it, but it's...

1:14:09🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, you know, honestly, must you beat off all the time to everything because it just gets to be, you know...

1:14:14🔗 Drew What are you saying?

1:14:15🔗 Aisha Tyler I don't know. What am I saying?

1:14:16🔗 Adam Please don't interrupt while I'm beating off.

1:14:18🔗 Aisha Tyler I'm just saying your right hand is starting to resemble a claw, Adam.

1:14:21🔗 Adam Well, that shows how much you know because like Jack with the left, right is remote hand. You'll know which hand I use because when I travel, I keep it a Crown Royal sack. And then I have a vat.

1:14:37🔗 Drew You actually travel separately.

1:14:38🔗 Aisha Tyler And then you rub it in cream every night so that it stays supple.

1:14:42🔗 Adam I don't rub it in.

1:14:43🔗 Drew Take it out.

1:14:45🔗 Adam I have my valet take the roll, you know, very carefully roll the sack off the hand.

1:14:50🔗 Aisha Tyler Adam won't shake hands. He just bows so that he can't, he doesn't sully his gorgeous mans.

1:14:54🔗 Adam Yeah, I've had it insured with Lloyds of North Hollywood. It's a different company.

1:14:59🔗 Aisha Tyler That's a guy that you gave 20 bucks to make sure.

1:15:01🔗 Adam A guy named Lloyd who lives out on Lancashire.

1:15:02🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah.

1:15:03🔗 Adam All right. Let's keep on.

1:15:05🔗 Aisha Tyler Right by that place with the giant doughnut.

1:15:06🔗 Adam Keeping on. I was just thinking myself with books and reading. Remember how I didn't read before, Drew? With the advent of TiVo.

1:15:16🔗 Drew You still don't read.

1:15:16🔗 Adam I don't even read street signs now.

1:15:18🔗 Aisha Tyler But now honestly, I got to tell you, like I read a lot in college and then I got out and I was working and I felt like reading was such a chore. It was like a job I had to do and so I and then now I sort of pleasure. Like it's a joy. I can't like I take him into the bathroom. My legs are falling asleep on the toilet. I can't stop. So I think if you just got back into it, Adam, you would just start loving it.

1:15:36🔗 Adam I believe it.

1:15:37🔗 Aisha Tyler You never read it. So back into it is not relevant. You know, I'm going to do my next book is going to be a pop up, which I think perfectly towards you.

1:15:45🔗 Adam Yeah. And put it out on TiVo and then we can talk. True. You know, I think I think people think I'm kidding.

1:15:52🔗 Drew I know.

1:15:55🔗 Adam Don't read.

1:15:56🔗 Aisha Tyler I don't think you're kidding. It's just that reading is so awesome.

1:15:59🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:16:00🔗 Aisha Tyler Do I sound like the more, you know, commercial now?

1:16:02🔗 Drew Reading is awesome. Adam is a victim of LA. Unified School System. I mean a victim. And as a result, ain't no reading.

1:16:10🔗 Aisha Tyler Just hates reading.

1:16:11🔗 Drew No, no, no.

1:16:12🔗 Aisha Tyler No.

1:16:12🔗 Adam It's not a matter of hating it. It's just don't do it.

1:16:15🔗 Aisha Tyler Just not in your life.

1:16:16🔗 Drew No, no.

1:16:16🔗 Adam Then never did.

1:16:17🔗 Aisha Tyler Never read.

1:16:18🔗 Drew You can't.

1:16:19🔗 Adam Well, I can read.

1:16:20🔗 Drew A little bit now. Oh, how dare you, Drew. But in terms of sitting down and reading a book, it would be a chore for you. Yeah.

1:16:26🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah. Oh, that's a bummer.

1:16:27🔗 Drew That is because the system didn't.

1:16:29🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah. Public schools. I actually do a whole, there's a whole chapter in there, the Obedeepitch Paradox is about how I went to private school.

1:16:34🔗 Drew So if you, the reading just comes in, so you're just soaking it up.

1:16:37🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, you just love it, yeah.

1:16:38🔗 Drew If you had to do the, if the reading had to be a process for you.

1:16:41🔗 Aisha Tyler I mean there's a whole thing in there about how public schools essentially cater to the to the least common denominator, how they treat you like an idiot until you feel like an idiot and you feel angry and then you don't even want to kind of pursue anything that's meaningful. They make you think you're an idiot. And I tell this whole story about how when I went and I ended up in public school, I got like yelling matches with my teachers constantly because I just felt like they were treating everybody in the room like we were jackasses and I would, I was always getting thrown out of class for yelling at my teachers. But the thing is you wouldn't have been if people treated you like, you know, you had something to say, you had an idea, you know, kids are just treated like they're dummies to be kind of herded here and there.

1:17:13🔗 Drew How long were you in public school?

1:17:15🔗 Aisha Tyler For four years, by eighth grade and then the 10th through the 12th grade. And I was just lucky that I had gone to a great school and kind of had my own study skills and kind of knew, you know, a little bit about what I wanted to do. But I mean, I was constantly being thrown out of class in public school because I was like, you know, we're not retarded, you know, and they'd be like, keep it down. Raise your hand. Shut up. March in line. But you know, and I hated it. Yeah. So I write about that because it was just, you know, and that's the thing. I think kids in these schools, really smart kids get frustrated and they start to act out. And then for them, school is just a waste of time. Whereas if anybody just like took an interest in them and spent some time like telling me your ideas are important, what you have to say is important, kids wouldn't be calling you on the phone talking about how to ask a question about how my girlfriend wanted to feel like it felt. And now I don't know, could she get pregnant? It's like, you know, the answer to that question, dude.

1:17:59🔗 Adam Well, not not if you want to, you know, I wasn't that smart, quite honestly, it wasn't you were made underachieving.

1:18:05🔗 Drew No, no.

1:18:06🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, you're incredibly intelligent.

1:18:07🔗 Drew You were you were not given the skills you needed to keep it.

1:18:10🔗 Aisha Tyler I mean, that's the thing. It's not about your mind. You know, it's just about your ability to express yourself.

1:18:14🔗 Drew Yes, it could have had everything to do with school. They didn't give you the skills.

1:18:17🔗 Aisha Tyler I want everybody to know that Dr. Drew has on a lovely pair of Ugg boots.

1:18:20🔗 Drew That's right.

1:18:21🔗 Aisha Tyler I just want to say he's quite stylish. I mean, him and Cameron are just rocking the Uggs and looking quite fly.

1:18:25🔗 Adam Let's address that for one second because I happen to have some Uggs as well.

1:18:30🔗 Drew You normally wear them.

1:18:31🔗 Adam And I normally wear them, but I did Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight and 1206, I believe, a comes on. And I'm wearing a suit. But we always dress in our pajamas, which includes the Uggs. And I find myself flopping around in these Uggs because they dress like a homeless person.

1:18:48🔗 Aisha Tyler And homeless girl.

1:18:49🔗 Adam Homeless woman. Yeah.

1:18:50🔗 Aisha Tyler Okay.

1:18:51🔗 Adam Yes. I thought I made that clear. The point is, everyone has been looking at me going, you know, star effort, you know, where'd you get those? Mr. Trendy, what'd you do? I opened a People magazine, see, I came with the Osborne Uggs and. Well, Drew has been sporting the Uggs for a number of years.

1:19:11🔗 Aisha Tyler He's rocking the Uggs. I mean, he's rocking them hard.

1:19:14🔗 Adam More than eight years. And I've had mine for a couple of years. And I've because Drew inspired me and they weren't that popular. Now I feel like I have to defend myself.

1:19:25🔗 Aisha Tyler That's the problem with the trend is all of a sudden, you know, you're not a pioneer anymore. I refuse to. I don't have any Uggs. I have some little clogs that are Ugg-like that I'm rocking.

1:19:33🔗 Drew If there are some other slipper like shoe that somebody would send me that I can wear out of door.

1:19:37🔗 Aisha Tyler I have some amazing. There's something like called like run dogs or big dogs or raw dogs or something. And they're like Ugg clogs and they're dope as hell.

1:19:45🔗 Drew So I I'm not sure that's warm enough for them to heal.

1:19:48🔗 Aisha Tyler No, but they're all but they're full of lambskin and there's puppies in there and kittens and stuff. They're really warm.

1:19:53🔗 Adam Yeah. They have to kill like 30 kittens.

1:19:55🔗 Aisha Tyler Just a whole basket of kittens in each shoe. I mean, how can that not be nice to stick your foot into a basket of kittens? How can that not feel good?

1:20:01🔗 Adam Jason?

1:20:02🔗 Caller Hi, how's it going, guys?

1:20:05🔗 Adam You're 22. What's up?

1:20:07🔗 Caller I've been with this girl about eight months and it's starting to get pretty serious, but she's been with a lot more people than I have and we live in a small town so it kind of comes up a lot.

1:20:17🔗 I was just wondering if it's something that I'm going to get over that I should get over.

1:20:20🔗 Drew I'm just imagining a scene from like Best of Show.

1:20:25🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:20:27🔗 Drew Eugene Levy's wife keeps running into people.

1:20:30🔗 Adam Oh, right. Right. Yeah. Or Boogie Nights. Hey, Jason? Yeah. Here's the truth about this. You will get over it. It's not flipping a switch. It's just sort of a... It'll slowly bleed out of you over the course of years. If you stay together for that period of time, if you're in an environment where you see somebody she slept with every other day, or you work with this person, or this person delivers your groceries or picks up your garbage, this is going to slow down the healing process.

1:21:09🔗 Drew How many guys are we talking about here? That's another assessing weather.

1:21:12🔗 She's been like seven or eight.

1:21:15🔗 Drew You'll get over it.

1:21:16🔗 That's nothing.

1:21:17🔗 Aisha Tyler I mean, unless you live in like a, you know, a Himalayan yurt, it's seven or eight people's numbers.

1:21:21🔗 Adam If you're living in a yurt.

1:21:24🔗 Not quite that bad.

1:21:25🔗 Aisha Tyler Okay. All right.

1:21:25🔗 Adam She's banging a shirt on or something.

1:21:26🔗 Aisha Tyler I mean, you know, be a big man. You love her. You like her. You like having her around. I mean, people have sex. You know?

1:21:31🔗 Drew You're just jealous.

1:21:33🔗 Adam But here's the thing.

1:21:34🔗 Aisha Tyler Don't be jealous, though.

1:21:36🔗 Adam In 22, it's a biological event for a guy. It just is. And here's the thing. If you didn't run into one of her exes, you would get drunk, open the scrapbook and start looking through her senior photo album and start pointing at guys. This is what 22-year-old guys do.

1:21:52🔗 Drew 28, you're over that.

1:21:54🔗 Adam Because you're waiting to die.

1:21:55🔗 Aisha Tyler You don't ask at 28. You're waiting to die at that point. Oh, is that the line? Is that when you start waiting to die at 28?

1:22:01🔗 Yeah.

1:22:01🔗 Adam It's not that you've become mature. It's that you've stopped caring.

1:22:06🔗 Drew You've stopped wishing to live.

1:22:07🔗 Aisha Tyler And you're just looking forward or backward as it is to the miserable and inevitable end.

1:22:11🔗 Drew Your testosterone levels are falling.

1:22:13🔗 Adam And you shift your focus from partners that your wife has had to who's on your lawn and what are they doing?

1:22:20🔗 Drew Kids on skateboards. Kids on skateboards.

1:22:22🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah. And keep and turn down that crazy music and your spinning hubcaps.

1:22:27🔗 Adam Your number one pastime becomes walking around your neighborhood and any car that goes by faster than eight miles an hour, you give the horrible stink eye to like, what a mad kind of maniac.

1:22:39🔗 Aisha Tyler Do you remember the day that you felt like I'm now I'm like, oh, too fast. I don't remember when that happened that I turned it to my mother.

1:22:45🔗 Adam So I call people Mr. Slow it down, Mr. Slow it down there, Bob. Hey there kid. Yeah. You. Hey, why don't you scram or skidoo or 22 skidoo. You almost. You got. You got mud on my raccoon coat.

1:22:59🔗 Caller Raccoon coat.

1:23:01🔗 Adam Yeah. That's what happens.

1:23:02🔗 Caller And his Ugg boots. Yeah.

1:23:04🔗 Adam So 22, though, you got a good.

1:23:08🔗 Drew 17 to 22, you got energy.

1:23:09🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:23:10🔗 Drew And then it takes a good six or eight years to run that down. Right.

1:23:14🔗 Caller Right.

1:23:14🔗 Adam And maybe getting out of the smallish town. I don't know what's. What's on the. What's on the docket. But maybe you should think about that.

1:23:20🔗 Aisha Tyler If you got a fast car. Yeah. You know.

1:23:23🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, slow it down. If you're driving through me or Aisha. Right now.

1:23:28🔗 Aisha Tyler I'll throw something.

1:23:29🔗 Adam I really do. I really I will pass people on my street and they give this this look like they're walking in their entry hall to the bathroom and I passed them in my car.

1:23:42🔗 What is he driving?

1:23:43🔗 Adam It's like it's a straight, you idiot.

1:23:46🔗 Aisha Tyler But then when it's you, when it's you, you're raising your cane and you're throwing your mug of coffee into the street.

1:23:51🔗 Adam I'll reach in and grab my lower dentures and throw it at the kids. I just I really just like the indignant look of what is this? What should I be doing? You old coot pushing the car up the hill? What would you like me to run out for the car and lay out cones or velvet rope?

1:24:08🔗 Aisha Tyler I love how you just completely flip sides of this argument like on every angle of the argument. Slow it down. Speed it up. Good.

1:24:20🔗 Adam Yeah. I would like you to get out, pick up your car, carry it past them and then set it back down again.

1:24:26🔗 Drew See, Adam doesn't give that, although he wants him to slow down, he doesn't give that madman look.

1:24:31🔗 Aisha Tyler No.

1:24:31🔗 Drew Like they're crazy.

1:24:32🔗 Aisha Tyler He just gives them the cock, the eye cocked eye.

1:24:36🔗 Drew Knock it off.

1:24:38🔗 Aisha Tyler So you with your hot rods in, your craziness.

1:24:40🔗 Adam The reality is I love a ballsy maneuver on the road.

1:24:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:24:43🔗 Adam I love it. I love it when the signal turns green, the guy hooks the quick left in front of traffic.

1:24:49🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, it's entertaining, if nothing else.

1:24:51🔗 Adam They say here's the guy who's pushing. He's moving. I like this.

1:24:53🔗 Aisha Tyler He's living on the edge.

1:24:54🔗 Adam Aisha Tyler here tonight, name of the book is Swerve, and we'll be right back after this. Aisha Tyler is our guest tonight.

1:25:25🔗 Aisha Tyler Good evening.

1:25:26🔗 Adam Swerve, name of the book, Reckless Observations of a Postmodern Girl. Jeff Brope is in here tomorrow night from Survivor. And back to the phones, we go. Cliff. Yeah, hey. Yeah, hey, you're 17.

1:25:39🔗 Caller What's up? Dude, I was about ready to hang up.

1:25:43🔗 Caller I tried to fall asleep on the phone.

1:25:44🔗 Caller I'm so glad. First of all, Adam, awesome guy. Drew, you there?

1:25:51🔗 Drew Yeah. No, I went home early.

1:25:55🔗 Caller I listen to you guys every night.

1:25:57🔗 Drew Thanks, buddy.

1:25:58🔗 Caller Aisha, right?

1:25:59🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, it's Aisha.

1:26:01🔗 Caller The most gorgeous black woman I've ever seen in my life.

1:26:03🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, that's a wonderfully qualified company.

1:26:05🔗 Caller You'd be up there, up there, top of the list.

1:26:07🔗 Aisha Tyler Thank you.

1:26:08🔗 Caller Very true.

1:26:09🔗 Aisha Tyler Nice company.

1:26:10🔗 Caller First of all, I wasn't molested by my dad. I said that to get on the show.

1:26:14🔗 Adam All right, fair enough.

1:26:16🔗 Caller Come here and give me a hug.

1:26:19🔗 Drew Every hour.

1:26:20🔗 Caller Me and my friend Zack have been listening for the past hour and 45 minutes.

1:26:25🔗 Adam He's been on hold for 99 minutes.

1:26:27🔗 Drew Yeah, he deserves some credit for that. Absolutely. By the way, I want a little credit for making him hold for the 100 minutes before I went to.

1:26:33🔗 Caller Did you ever not see me there?

1:26:34🔗 Drew No, I just know when the calls are not going to be bare fruit, so to speak.

1:26:39🔗 Adam It could say currently being molested by dad.

1:26:42🔗 Aisha Tyler Yeah, sitting naked on dad's lap right now.

1:26:44🔗 Adam Drew wouldn't go to it. That's kind of solely his.

1:26:48🔗 Drew Anyway, so what did you call about?

1:26:50🔗 Caller Oh, just, ah, damn it. Damn, I've been on hold for a long time. I can't remember what I was going to say.

1:26:56🔗 Adam I just want to heap some praise on me. That's fine, that's natural.

1:26:59🔗 Caller Give me one second. Yeah, okay, just, ah, okay.

1:27:04🔗 Drew I like Cliff. He calls the radio show and forgets why he called.

1:27:07🔗 Aisha Tyler I feel like he held this long. It's like I want him to get it out.

1:27:10🔗 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew?

1:27:11🔗 Drew Yeah, Cliff?

1:27:12🔗 Caller Are you Jewish?

1:27:13🔗 Drew Kind of.

1:27:14🔗 Caller Kind of? A hint?

1:27:16🔗 Drew I was raised for a little while that way and my mother was not, so.

1:27:21🔗 Yeah, dash, yeah.

1:27:23🔗 Drew Yeah, dash.

1:27:23🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, your dad's Jewish, right?

1:27:26🔗 That's the diamond Jew.

1:27:27🔗 Adam That's the cheap part and the doctor part. But the mom is not, you know, according to the Jewish faith.

1:27:34🔗 Drew No, definitely not.

1:27:35🔗 Adam Yeah. Screw it. Right.

1:27:39🔗 Aisha Tyler That was exciting.

1:27:41🔗 Caller First of all, I want to say hello to everyone at West.

1:27:46🔗 Aisha Tyler That's it. This is not Street Soldiers. What are we doing? Shout outs now?

1:27:50🔗 Adam Let's hope he never wins an Emmy.

1:27:55🔗 Drew What am I doing up here?

1:27:56🔗 Adam I want to say hi to the conductor dude in the band. It's cool.

1:27:59🔗 Aisha Tyler It just started so poorly and then it went downhill from there. Yeah. Here we go.

1:28:04🔗 Adam You stay on hold for 99 minutes.

1:28:06🔗 Aisha Tyler You can poop out. Because people are there holding and they're sleeping on the phone. They're in bed. Mark. Sure.

1:28:11🔗 Adam Mark. What's up?

1:28:12🔗 Drew 26.

1:28:13🔗 How's it going, Adam? How's it going? Good. I just want to ask you what exactly constitutes a sexual addiction? And how do you go about getting treatment for it? You get to see a specialist. What do you do?

1:28:27🔗 Drew You do need to see people that have, as their primary practice, treating sexual addictions because it is a very difficult and specific thing to treat.

1:28:35🔗 Yeah, tell me about it.

1:28:37🔗 Drew And the addiction is really defined by consequences. Compulsive, you know, sexual compulsive is someone who can control it to some extent and who doesn't have a family history of addiction and has never been addicted to any chemicals. A true sex addict usually is someone that's been addicted to a chemical, always a family history of addiction, both compulsivity, sexual compulsivity and sexual addictions, usually there's a history of childhood sexual abuse.

1:29:05🔗 Adam Well, what are you doing? What are you doing now?

1:29:07🔗 I guess I'm a former because I've never had a chemical addiction and I've never been abused.

1:29:12🔗 Drew What's happening?

1:29:14🔗 I've been married for a few years now and I just, I can't quit cheating on my wife.

1:29:18🔗 Drew How many times have you cheated?

1:29:21🔗 Oh, God, how many times individually? I can't count it.

1:29:26🔗 Drew Well, how many people have you cheated with?

1:29:28🔗 Double digits. Maybe fifteen, sixteen.

1:29:32🔗 Drew How old were you when you got married?

1:29:34🔗 Twenty-three.

1:29:36🔗 Drew And why did you get married?

1:29:38🔗 Adam When you're in love, you're in love.

1:29:39🔗 Drew Was there a kid, a child or something?

1:29:42🔗 No, we just had a kid a few years ago, a couple years ago.

1:29:45🔗 Adam Well, let me ask you this. Are these prostitutes? Where do you meet these women?

1:29:51🔗 Well, that's the thing. It's like I try to stop, but I don't know. I just kind of have a knack with women. I'm not trying to brag on myself.

1:30:01🔗 Drew Yeah, I don't necessarily call this a sex relation.

1:30:03🔗 I tell them, look, I'm married. I'm not looking to get a divorce. I have a child. I don't want any kind of relationship.

1:30:11🔗 Adam Let me ask you something.

1:30:14🔗 It's like a draw of some women.

1:30:15🔗 Adam I know. I know. It's a blessing and a curse. I got the same thing. It's like the huge penis. A lot of people are envious, but really it's difficult.

1:30:23🔗 Aisha Tyler It's a heavy burden to bear.

1:30:25🔗 Adam Literally heavy.

1:30:26🔗 Drew Mark, you're just a cheater. This is not sexual addiction. This is just flat out cheating.

1:30:32🔗 Adam But let me ask this. What do you do? Do you work in the restaurant industry?

1:30:35🔗 No, I'm in law enforcement.

1:30:38🔗 Adam Law enforcement. It does go around, but we're sort of fitting together. Here's what I... Let me give you my thesis on cheating, which is guys will tend to cheat given the opportunity.

1:30:58🔗 Drew If they can, they will, yeah. Or if they don't accept the consequence, they don't really acknowledge what it does to their family and their wife and stuff.

1:31:04🔗 Adam If you get yourself in an environment where there's plenty of temptation, almost like anything, if you try not to gamble, stay out of the casino, it's easy to do both ways. It's easy to get in that environment and become that person, and it's easy to stay out of it and not become that person. Mark seems like he needs to stay out of that environment if he wants to stop cheating.

1:31:28🔗 Drew Don't let there be any opportunity for this.

1:31:30🔗 Aisha Tyler But do you also think that with this compulsive cheating, like, or not compulsive, but this repeated cheating, that there's a part of him that wants out of the marriage and doesn't know how to deal with that? I mean, it's one thing to meet someone, have sex with them.

1:31:42🔗 Drew No, you're thinking like a woman again.

1:31:44🔗 Aisha Tyler Am I? Well, it's hard to deal with the breasts and everything.

1:31:46🔗 Adam Here's Mark's situation. Mark should...

1:31:49🔗 Aisha Tyler So you're saying this guy wants to be married, wants his kids, wants to have his cake and eat it too.

1:31:54🔗 Adam Mark's a cop, Mark's a cheater, Mark's a thrill seeker.

1:31:58🔗 Aisha Tyler Well, not only that, but if you're a cop, you're also most of the time in a position of power and probably feel like you can do what you want without consequences.

1:32:04🔗 Drew And the deal is, Mark...

1:32:05🔗 Adam I think he's attracted to thrill.

1:32:08🔗 Drew Yeah, and there's a very simple sort of equation in addiction. And if you can stop, stop. If you can't stop, then you can start to look at it as an addiction process.

1:32:18🔗 Adam Is it the sort of thrill of it that hooks you, Mark?

1:32:22🔗 Yeah, I'm definitely a thrill seeker. I've always had been.

1:32:26🔗 Adam Alright, so...

1:32:28🔗 Drew Find some other way to back that out.

1:32:30🔗 Adam Well, do what Schwimmer says. Get a thrill out of talking to your kid. Now that Schwimmer's given the green light on moving his mouth in front of his kid...

1:32:36🔗 Drew Except the fact that, yes, I can date. You're harming your child, you're harming your wife. Right. It is extremely destructive to both of them. And if in fact you love them, make some commitment on their behalf not to do this.

1:32:49🔗 Adam And you're not an addict, just an a-hole.

1:32:50🔗 Aisha Tyler The fact of the matter is once you start cheating, the relationship with your spouse is effective. Whether she knows about it or not, your friendship with them, your intimacy with them, your honesty with them goes out the window.

1:33:00🔗 Adam I always say that because my wife's listening. Okay, with a quick break, we'll be right back.

1:33:04🔗 Here it is.

1:33:04🔗 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:33:07🔗 Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

1:33:38🔗 Adam This is Aisha Tyler. She gets you all talked out during the commercial break. Shoot my wad, I got nothing left. I'm in the refractory period during the show. I'm trying to get my wind back, trying to collect my thoughts. I do so much goddamn talking during the commercial. All right, that's total delight.

1:33:52🔗 Drew And it's not just tonight, by the way.

1:33:54🔗 Aisha Tyler I'm stimulating.

1:33:54🔗 Adam That's true. Aisha Tyler, name of the book, Swerve, Reckless Observations of a Postmodern Girl. Go out and get it. And Greg, I mean, Jeff, I always call him Greg because of coming in. I mean, Jeff Probst, in here tomorrow night from Survivor. You're a delight, Aisha.

1:34:12🔗 Aisha Tyler Thank you.

1:34:12🔗 Adam And you come back and do the Oreo with David Allen Grier and Dr. Drew anytime you like.

1:34:18🔗 Aisha Tyler We're going to moonwalk and high five and speak and shizzle. It's going to be exciting.

1:34:23🔗 Adam What it is. So until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. The swimmer said we should start talking to kids. Well, I thought we were going to beat them and burn them with cigarette butts. It turns out that's wrong.

1:34:38🔗 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback