3:17🔗
Drew
Whoops, here we are. Oh, Adam is off a great start. Well, it's Loveline. Adam, want to use this mic over here?
3:25🔗
Here you go.
3:27🔗
Adam
There you go. To be fair to the engineers over here at Westwood 1, that only happens one out every three or four shows where the show begins and the mic doesn't work. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew pounding on the mic over there. Listen, you guys are lucky I don't give a rat's ass about this show. Phone number 1-800-LAV-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight from Whose Line Is It Anyway? The big hit show on NBC hosted by ABC. Oh, I mean ABC. Is it ABC.? I'll write that down. Hosted by, of course, Drew Carey is Brad Sherwood is here, and Brad doing comedy without a net, doing improvisational comedy. Very, a very difficult thing that only a few comedians can say they excel at, and Brad is one of them.
4:41🔗
Adam
Guys who have the working mic. And you know what I like about improv guys, Drew? Smart. Oh, yeah. Smart? Uh-oh. Sorry. OK, sorry. I didn't mean to use it. Well, wait a minute. Oh, no. This doesn't work. OK. Well, Anderson's a plum out of ideas. Thank god Drew doesn't contribute to the show, therefore he doesn't need a mic. As a matter of fact, Drew, I was thinking of getting you just a styrofoam mic so you could have something in your hand, feel like you're doing something. You get your kid that little fake phone when they're three or four years old.
5:12🔗
Hello.
5:14🔗
Adam
All right. So what I was saying about Brad is he seems like a smart guy so I see an easy show for me.
5:22🔗
Adam
I don't feel like I'm going to be toeing the line. Also, you can find him over at the Improv on Melrose every Thursday night with Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles and I'm guessing.
5:37🔗
Brad Sherwood
It's kind of who's line blue. We get to do stuff in a live club in front of drunk people.
5:43🔗
Adam
Yeah, and use profanity. I've done my fair share of improv and I always enjoyed it but I never enjoyed watching it. I was always uncomfortable watching other people do it. Because if they were good, I was jealous, and if they're bad, it was boring.
6:26🔗
Adam
No, I did it with you and they had enough of me. And then a year later, they got desperate and wised up and then Jimmy and I did it.
6:41🔗
Adam
Small debacle last time I did it, which was if anyone ever watches that show Talk Soup, it's all written on a teleprompter and if it seems like some of the people are reading, it's because they're doing just that. And I just didn't like to read the teleprompter, A, because I can't read, and B, because I can't read. So I figured let's just wing it. So I told them to clear the teleprompter. To be fair to them, it was only about 44 times, maybe 45 times, and they never did it. And so I sort of yelled at them for not doing it, and they got their feathers out of shape. But that's all right. All right, so Brad.
7:19🔗
Adam
Yeah, no, it's a fun experience, it's good, and they generally have pretty good writing. And just sit there. Can you read?
7:29🔗
Adam
Brad, anything else besides the big Thursday night Whose Line Is It Anyway episodes? And not that there has to be, but am I missing anything?
7:41🔗
Adam
And how does that show work? I mean, is it completely improvisational? Do you have any idea what's coming up?
7:48🔗
Brad Sherwood
It's absolutely improvised. We actually have a rehearsal that day, and we only have it for camera blocking. And the only thing we know is what order we may go into a game. Like, if all four of us are in it and one person enters, we just know who's going in first. We don't know any of the other suggestions.
8:06🔗
Brad Sherwood
It was on in England for ten seasons, yeah. And I did three of the seasons there.
8:13🔗
Brad Sherwood
Yeah. I actually did one in England and shot one in Los Angeles and one in New York. But the year I went to England, Ryan had been on the show for a couple of years, and it was like walking around with Elvis in London.
8:38🔗
Yeah.
8:41🔗
You never met him?
8:50🔗
Adam
Let me tell you a story about Drew Carey. Drew came into my dressing room shortly before. I don't know. I don't remember meeting him. Oh, my God. Was he on the TV show?
9:00🔗
Yes.
9:02🔗
Last year.
9:04🔗
Brad Sherwood
He's actually, I always say he's the nicest millionaire I know. He's such a generous guy. He took us on this big cruise this spring. It was amazing.
9:11🔗
Drew
I just remember him. We were dealing with the usual fair at Loveline of some stripper calling in about being abused. He was like, how can be so hard on my friends? I can't get out of these people. Why are you criticizing them? Well, you took it very personally.
9:22🔗
Adam
That's right. I remember that episode vividly as if it was yesterday. And you're right. Well, to be fair, he may have taken you on a luxury cruise, but MTV sent me hunting socks one year for Christmas.
9:33🔗
Brad Sherwood
I got those great hunting socks. Yeah. The gray ones with the snowflake on the bottom.
9:45🔗
Oh, for Christ's sake.
9:49🔗
Brad Sherwood
But the logo is on the same side of each sock, so you really don't feel like you've got a pair.
9:55🔗
Adam
You didn't get socks that year. You missed that. Well, you were a bad boy. You don't deserve them. All right. Stephanie?
10:01🔗
Yes?
10:05🔗
Caller
My mom and my stepdad kicked me out of the house because they said it's my fault that they were having sexual problems.
10:42🔗
Adam
Well, that's probably true, but I'm sure they cited other reasons other than you're distracting him when he's trying to bang mama. Now what was the real reason? What are you doing? Did he catch you with some pot in your room? You're acting out? You're getting in trouble at school?
11:18🔗
Caller
He must have some problems. My grandma thinks he has some problems. I'm living with my grandma now.
11:26🔗
Caller
He's out of the picture. He doesn't pay child support. I've seen him a couple of times here lately.
11:39🔗
Adam
So now you're living with grandma. And even though it smells funny in her house, she's sane?
11:48🔗
Right. Okay.
11:49🔗
Adam
Good. Problem solved. Stay with grandma for a couple of years. Study hard and go off to college.
12:01🔗
Drew
Well, I'll tell you what. I don't see how you can come back from this kind of a violation. I don't have strong enough words for this.
12:26🔗
Drew
Don't try to change her. Don't expect this relationship to be better than it is. Thank God you've got a caring grandmother and really focused on taking care of yourself.
12:33🔗
Adam
And listen, write your folks off. That's what I did. Do it early. It's good. It's very liberating. You get to do whatever you want. All right. Don't piss grandma off.
12:58🔗
Adam
I'm sure they're doing something. Although I'm sure it didn't go down exactly that way. I'm sure stepdad didn't pull Stephanie aside and explain that you're screwing up my stride sexually.
13:18🔗
Yeah.
13:23🔗
Caller
Well, I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl before, but I masturbate constantly and I get cuts all the time and I'm wondering if I'm doing it wrong.
13:41🔗
Adam
You got to take that graduation ring off before you go in on yourself. I had this problem too.
13:46🔗
Drew
You mean you cause like a dermatitis, you irritate your skin so much that it starts to crack?
13:51🔗
Caller
Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, there's just cuts everywhere on the top, on the sides.
14:26🔗
Adam
Well, you're doing it so often that you're irritating yourself. Okay, let me do this. We haven't spoken about this in about a half hour, but substitute your penis for your arm for one second. God, I wish I could do that. And you take your arm and you grab onto it, and you just vigorously work it three, four, five times a day, every day, 20 minutes at a time, you know? Just clamp your other hand onto your wrist and you guys are enjoying this much, and really work that arm. And then after about three months of that, look at your arm. See if there's a little chafing, some redness, some cutting. You've worn the hair off of that arm.
15:08🔗
Adam
Don't be surprised when you misuse your penis the same way. Don't be surprised if there's some reaction. Stay off your penis for a couple days. See what happens.
15:18🔗
Adam
Yeah. I'm not a lotion man and thank God I'm not. You know, there's a lotion window for young men. And that lotion window opens about 14 and a half and slams shut about 15. And either you get on the lotion train or you don't. And I did some thinking about this the other night when I was drunk. I reckon I've saved at least $30,000 in lotion because I did not get on that lotion train at age 14 and a half.
15:46🔗
Brad Sherwood
There's so many times you're nowhere near lotion. You really have to camping. You have to go for free.
15:51🔗
Adam
You stay at a cheap motel. You know what I'm saying? You get hooked on that lotion. You become soft. Your penis becomes used to it and you're screwed.
15:59🔗
Brad Sherwood
That's like having a lucky helmet or something for football. You don't want to be stuck at home without the lucky equipment.
16:06🔗
Adam
Right. It's like you become reliant on something and now you can't function without it. This is the mistake I made with champ stick by the way. I made it 20 years without using champ stick. Now I got to put the crap on 40 times a day. I should have never picked that champ stick up. Drew, you should have stopped me. You should have slapped that out of my hand when I picked it up.
16:24🔗
Drew
This is the armor all theory. And I'm glad you're a self-actualized masturbator. It's good.
16:56🔗
Adam
You know what I love about our listeners? They eat up my humor with a fork and spoon. You have a ceiling fan?
17:04🔗
Adam
Thank you. You understand how strong my ego has to be to come in here night after night and deal with this sort of abuse? Thank you. Okay. Now listen, why are you on top? Because that's the sort of you're in control in that position.
17:21🔗
Caller
I know. I don't know. Like it's all okay for a little bit and then I just kind of freak out and I start shaking and I freeze up and-
17:53🔗
Adam
I don't know. Have you ever had any difficulty, ever get bucked off a Brahma Bull or did a uncle force you to sit on him while he was drunk or something like that? Is there anything this reminds you of?
18:30🔗
Adam
When a woman has been raped, oftentimes, when a woman has been raped, she doesn't like a guy getting on top of her, especially when the guy gets on top and sort of holds her legs and controls her and sort of dominates her and smothers her. So most women have difficulty with that, especially someone who had this happen to them. But them being on top and having difficulty with that and having no difficulty on the bottom is strange, especially when the uncle was on top.
18:55🔗
Drew
But there's also that feeling of intimacy. And maybe she feels, you know what I mean? People avoid that when they've been traumatized.
19:04🔗
Brad Sherwood
Maybe she has a hard time taking control to make herself have the orgasm. Has she ever had an orgasm in front of the guy by herself?
19:15🔗
Brad Sherwood
Because this is the closest thing to almost pleasuring yourself, just using the man as a tool almost.
19:22🔗
Yeah?
19:25🔗
Between, like, I was four until I was 10.
19:29🔗
Adam
Oh, well, so it was just six years. And what's up with that? Is this your dad's brother, your mom's brother?
19:40🔗
Caller
No, they didn't send him to jail. He pleaded no trial, so he had to go for an evaluation with a psychologist.
19:50🔗
Adam
Sorry, Your Honor, no trial. No time, no sentence. But you're up for double homicide. Sorry, no trial. All right, so boy.
20:18🔗
Adam
Okay, good. All right. Hey, listen, Nicole. For what has happened to you in your relative short life, you're ahead of the game.
20:39🔗
Adam
Is he complained? No. All right. There you go. He's lazy. Leave him alone. How does that work? And I know I bring this up all the time, but I cannot- Where did that come from? Well, that comes from having your uncle get on top of you for six years. But how does that work? I have two nephews and I've only have one of them so far. But how does that work where you look at your brother or sister's kids and go, hey, there's a piece of ass. I got to get some of that.
21:08🔗
Brad Sherwood
I mean, they're looking at a kid and the problem is that relatives' children are more accessible, which is so insidious and dangerous.
21:17🔗
Adam
Right. And so, Brad, you bring up a good point. And I never really see... I always thought of it as an F-U to your brother or sister.
21:32🔗
Adam
I like five-year-olds. I don't want to go across the street to the schoolyard. I got one being dropped off at my house that I watch between noon and four every day. I'll just do this one.
21:41🔗
Drew
And I've got one I can manipulate. It cares about me. If I tell them, you would destroy us if you tell anybody.
21:46🔗
Brad Sherwood
It's completely predatory. You know, it's predation in a world where that's such a taboo that the most insidious way to do it is where you can't be caught. So it's, you know, you can't sit in the car and abduct people.
22:06🔗
Adam
He's got an ankle that's going off right now. I think he's out of range. Yeah. And you guys on Whose Line Is It Anyway deal with a lot of molestation and rape suggestions.
22:27🔗
Adam
Okay. And your clown. Okay. Pedophile clown. Or was it rape? Rapist clown. And what's his motivation? He has an erection. All right.
22:44🔗
Hello?
23:14🔗
Adam
Uh, you know, I'm a busy man. I don't have time to hallucinate more than, let's say, eight hours a day.
24:03🔗
Drew
It's a drug that if you take even moderately large doses for a few days and then try to stop, you'll have very intense withdrawal and possibly seizures.
24:23🔗
Adam
Yeah. I mean, listen, you should be drinking, you know, Boone's Farm at the park or wine coolers in a van at this stage. Isn't that nice advice?
24:34🔗
Adam
Like, what are you one of the Gabor sisters? You're 15. Stay off the prescription meds, all right?
24:39🔗
Adam
Okay. Yeah. Thank you. Brad Sherwood's our guest tonight from Whose Line Is It Anyway. We will take ourselves a little break. We'll come back when we do. We'll speak to Chuck, who's 28, only gets turned on when girlfriend puts on Catholic schoolgirls outfit.
24:57🔗
Adam
After this. Yeah. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Hey Anderson, can I get a longer mic cord in here when you get a chance, buddy? Thank you. I can't lean back. You know I like to doze off in the 11 o'clock hour. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight. He is from Whose Line Is It Anyway. ABC, 8 o'clock and 8.30. Man, that's a lot of prime time. ABC, number one network now. Yeah. You remember just the Seinfeld days, just a few short years ago when it was like, NBC was just destroying everyone, and I think ABC was probably last, and it was like what's going on with ABC and what's going to happen?
26:18🔗
Adam
Yeah. That's great. Yeah, that's fantastic news. And that's why I'd be bad working for one of the networks because when we were last, I'd just go, hey, everyone relax. Couple of years, we'll be back on top again. Let's all go home. All right. Oh, I see. Okay. I'm going to take Drew's mic. There we go. Yeah, Anderson. Looking good, buddy.
26:51🔗
I just want to know what that is. Like, I get turned on when she puts on a Catholic girl skirt.
26:55🔗
Drew
Well, fetish really technically means you have to have this. You have to have some sort of behavior or some sort of object to focus on in order to function sexually.
27:06🔗
I don't really need that, but if it comes along, game on. You know what I mean?
27:12🔗
Adam
There you go. Do they have a Jewish school girl outfits, or that gauchos and a headset hooked onto some braces or what is that? Do they have Jewish schools, right? Do they have uniforms?
27:25🔗
Brad Sherwood
Well, if you can get your girlfriend to shave her head and then wear a wig, it's kind of a-
27:29🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. That's good. I'll tell you, those has seen them. They got some great rules. No shaving. Let me tell you something. I know we've discussed this before. I don't want to offend any of our Jewish friends, but all of this, I went to one of these temples, like the hardcore Hasidic temples to make fun of them during the day, like on a Tuesday at noon. All their stuff is based around not having to go to work and not shaving and eating and not changing their clothes. You never see a smelly or hairy bunch of fatter guys in your life. It's noon and it's Tuesday, and I'm going, hey, why aren't you people working? It is forbidden. I was like, hey, this is great. How do I get in on this?
28:10🔗
Adam
Yeah. No, I don't mean to offend, but listen, it's like, here's the deal. Let's see. It'll be illegal to shave. Good. We'll eat all the time. Great. No work. Fine. Well, I'll just hang out. These guys just hung. It's like a clubhouse for guys who don't want to shave. It's a club for guys who want to eat and not shave. It really is. Smell each other. Smell each other. It's like, hey, I'd like to work on a Saturday, but I can't use electricity, so I got to hang. It's really genius. How do I get in on that, Drew? It really is. It's great. Where am I going over here?
28:45🔗
Adam
You got one? Man, did those guys smell. Is there anything about bathing in that religion? Or is it just no shaving? Marie?
28:55🔗
Yeah.
28:58🔗
Caller
I just wanted to know. I've heard other callers call in and ask about or tell you about that when they used to see their moms change when they were younger, they'd have some weird sexual thing when they were older.
29:14🔗
Caller
I was, yeah, I listened to it last week and one guy, I can't remember who it was, a couple weeks ago called in and said that he used to have fantasies about his mom or older women because he said his mom used to change in front of him when he was younger.
29:28🔗
Drew
As I recall, he was sexually abused by the mom. Or the grandma, if I remember even right. Remember this one?
29:33🔗
Caller
No, I remember him just saying that he was changing, but regardless of the fact, my son is overly aggressive. I don't know if little boys are just like that, but he does like when I change in front of him. I mean, I don't normally do it, but when he does, I mean, is that gonna affect him when he gets older?
30:02🔗
Drew
I understand. And these are your private areas and there's boundaries and this sort of thing.
30:29🔗
Adam
He's four, right? I don't freak him out. What do you mean about overly aggressive other than wants to hug?
30:51🔗
Drew
They go through a phase between now and about six where things are there. All kinds of interesting things happen.
31:29🔗
Adam
Believe me, I'm trying to get my parents put away. I've been working very, you know how a lot of people like Elvis, they go out, they make a lot of money and they buy their mom a car. I'm trying to have my parents institutionalized. I'm trying to punish them. I'm trying to use my money and resources to punish them. Yeah.
31:52🔗
Adam
Drew actually had a college professor put his head up his wife's vagina before the kids came out and tried to teach him Latin in the second trimester.
32:11🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it was a bitch getting that chalkboard up there. I'll tell you, that was the tall order. All right, so Drew's kids went to pre, pre, pre, pre, pre. None of those triplets are going to make more than 35 grand a year.
32:23🔗
Drew
And when they went to, they were asked to draw pictures of family. A lot of these kids drew these parental figures with giant genitalia and big belly buttons. I think there's lots of preoccupation about this stuff.
32:36🔗
Adam
Why can't they go back to drawing Nazi half tracks like I did when I was five and six years old? I was very enamored with the idea of a car that had wheels on the front and tank treads on the back.
32:51🔗
Adam
Maybe I watched too much Rat Patrol or something. But everything was a half track with the swastika on the side. There was something very alluring about the German Army of World War II when I was five, six years old.
33:50🔗
Caller
Okay. Well, actually I lied to the screener person so I'm sorry. But I just wanted to let you know you're a millionaire literally. And I just wanted to let you know that everybody really appreciates what you do.
34:09🔗
Drew
You know what's interesting about that? Is that in that part of the country, when we travel up there, people literally come up and go and touch you and go, I appreciate... Literally, this is what they say, I appreciate you. Nowhere else in the country they say that.
34:20🔗
Adam
Yeah, they're much more aware in that part of the country. I mean, whereas you travel around and people see us and they go, hey, you're funny, or they give us one that's just my favorite, which is they pull us apart, they pull us aside at the airport, and they go, you know what I love about your show? You, you're like the smart one, you're like the doctor, you're giving out the medical advice, and you, you're the funny one. And I'm like, hold on, let me grab a pad and paper, let's see.
34:49🔗
Brad Sherwood
They've really pulled the rock over and looked at the bugs underneath, haven't they?
34:53🔗
Adam
So, wait a minute, let me get this straight. I'm the doctor? No, no, no. You are the doctor.
34:58🔗
You give out the advice.
35:00🔗
Adam
You're like, you're like all serious. You're like all serious guy. Like, well, and it's always funny, really stupid guys try to use examples about medical terminology, because like you're the one who's like, well, you got a, well, you're fun, okay, you're serious. Okay, you're serious doctor guy. When you, you're like cracking jokes. And he's like talking about medical stuff. Well, you're making jokes. And that's what I like about the show. And I'm like, fantastic.
35:35🔗
Adam
They go, hey, I think it's great what you're doing. I think it's great that you're trying to make a difference or what have you.
35:40🔗
Drew
Yeah, they look in the eye and they say I appreciate it. The word appreciation comes out repeatedly. You go into like the deep Midwest and the reactions are quite different.
35:49🔗
Drew
No, that's right. Oh my god, Susie, come over here. And then you talk to them for 45 minutes?
35:57🔗
Adam
Talk to them for an hour and then you go, Hey, listen, my plane's leaving. And they go, okay, your highness, go back to Hollywood and have fun with your royal friends.
36:06🔗
Oh, we gotta leave now.
36:07🔗
Adam
Yeah, I see. Have fun on your velvet line toilet seat, your gold plated toilet. And you're like, hey, honey, I talked to you for an hour.
36:16🔗
Brad Sherwood
And you're sitting there with your blue plastic boarding card for Southwest Airlines.
36:28🔗
Caller
I came home tonight, like, I walked in, the door was open because it was like hot out here in LA.
36:43🔗
Caller
All right, I walked in the door. My mom and her boyfriend were making out, getting ready to get busy and stuff.
36:55🔗
Caller
I just closed the door and I turned on the music real loud, like a subtle way to let them know I'm here and I don't know what to do. She had to like talk it out of my mind. She like freaked out about it or what should I do?
37:09🔗
Caller
Not really her boyfriend. I just called her her boyfriend, but they got married like a couple months ago.
37:23🔗
Caller
We see him once in a while, but he's like kind of stubborn and he gets pissed off over everything, so I don't really talk to him.
37:41🔗
Adam
I'm sorry your real dad's not a great guy, but that doesn't mean your stepfather's a bad guy. Don't take out whatever feelings or anger you have for your real dad on your stepdad. You don't become one of those angry, pissed off guys like your real dad. It's no way to go through life unless you can parlay it into a radio career like I've done.
38:13🔗
Adam
The stepparent gig is a lose-lose situation because the fact that you're there means real mommy or real daddy hit the road. Now, you're screwed because you come into the picture and the person already has it in for you because they look at you as replacing real mommy or real daddy. They take these and these real parents, the biological parents, which are worse than the stepparents, and they make them better.
38:45🔗
Drew
But the stepparent is the constant reminder that the reunion fantasy can never be fulfilled.
38:51🔗
Brad Sherwood
I had a lucky stepparent thing because my parents divorced when I was about one, so I didn't have the fantasy of what my father was like. So when my stepfather came along, I was like, oh, someone in the house.
39:29🔗
Adam
Not really. Cliff's weird because it's not really a wrenching name, you know? In their hand, he was a civil engineer. Civil engineers like, what's that like? Like we have so many A's, A holes living in a certain thing, so we need so big a sewer line built in this area and has so much power going to it.
39:48🔗
Brad Sherwood
Here's a beautiful strip of land that a lot of people would like to live on, so let's bulldoze it and create roads.
39:55🔗
Adam
Let's kill some Indians. That's basically how it works. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Brad Sherwood is here. We'll be back and when we do, we'll speak to Randy who's 23. Every girl he dates ends up hating him. We'll be back. We'll be right back. Yep, hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight. You would recognize him from Whose Line Is It Anyway, the big hit, third season. Thursday Nights, ABC, number one network, and on twice, eight and 8.30. Yeah? I'm going to run right back there, back to back, and Drew Carey does the host slash moderator.
41:14🔗
Adam
Seems like a pretty cushy gig. I'm going to watch Family Guy. I think it's on tomorrow night. I love that show. I really love that Family Guy, and I'm really, I don't want to steal any of Brad's thunder, but that show needs help. Unacceptable.
41:38🔗
Adam
Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to start a letter writing campaign, except for I can't write. Other than that, I'd be willing to start.
41:44🔗
Drew
Family Guy had just been sort of come out around year two of The Simpsons. It'd be a smash.
41:49🔗
Adam
Yeah. Yeah, it came a little late, but they renewed it, and I think they're doing more episodes, so that's fine. And plus, Seth MacFarlane sent us a basket.
41:59🔗
Adam
Oh, he sent me a basket. Didn't he send us a basket? Remember we got a basket, you idiot, two weeks ago.
42:08🔗
Adam
You got, yeah, it's really funny when Drew and I dibby up a basket. It's like, hey, give me the cashews. Don't bogart the cashews. All right, give me the smoked cheddar.
42:19🔗
Brad Sherwood
You went that weird Swedish box of chocolate squares that are like half mint and half meg, something or the other.
42:28🔗
Adam
And then there's always some kind of bizarre Southwest hot and spicy dates or some sort of bizarre something and it's like, what the hell is that?
42:37🔗
Brad Sherwood
And some like dinner crackers from Portugal in a box that you've never seen in your entire life.
42:42🔗
Adam
You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to open a company where we serve baskets with nothing but goulash in them. Just filled to the top with great Hungarian veal goulash.
42:59🔗
Yeah, what's up?
43:02🔗
Caller
Yeah, I called because I have a serious issue with commitment. I think, well, that's what I'm told. The reason why is because, well, I have several friends that are living with girls or have been dating girls for months, yet I have yet to date a girl longer than a month. And I get really picky whenever I date with them. I guess, it might be...
43:24🔗
Drew
By picky, you mean, hang on, by picky, you mean you pick them apart and you find reasons not to continue dating them?
43:29🔗
Caller
Well, I call it, yeah, I call it Seinfeld syndrome. It's like there might be one little thing about them that bothers me and it will drive me nuts.
43:53🔗
Caller
It makes me unhappy. I'm frustrated. I'd like to settle down, maybe maintain some stability, but it just, it's something I can't control.
44:08🔗
Caller
I don't know. Well, for instance, the last girl I dated, one of the last girls I dated, every time she said goodbye to me, she would say, instead of goodbye or just see you later, she would say, toodles, the word toodles, and it would drive me absolutely insane.
44:32🔗
Adam
No, no. Don't hit them in the face. You don't want to mark them up, but give them a good shot in the gut, give them a good hook to the ribs. Maybe you can catch a kidney. All right. Hey, Randy? Yeah. Here's the deal. You're 23. I was this way when I was 23.
44:48🔗
Adam
Thank God I'm this way now, 36. Now, it'll wear off. It'll work its way out. You know what you're doing, right? Right. You're aware of what you're doing. Keep an eye on yourself. Next time you hook up with someone and they say toodles, and you find yourself being annoyed by that, realize what you're doing, right? Right. Keep an eye on yourself. Listen, everybody, step back and take a look at yourself. There should be a part of you that sort of hovers over you. Look and monitor yourself, like one of those bank cameras.
45:36🔗
Caller
Okay, I live with my boyfriend and his mother told me not to make hickeys on each other because it could cause some kind of skin problem.
46:26🔗
Yeah.
46:32🔗
Caller
No, actually, I ran away with him, and then my mother just said, well, you just could live with him.
46:42🔗
Drew
Yeah, that's why kids run away when they're being abused in the house, either sexually or physically.
46:52🔗
Adam
No, that's number two. Number one is worship me, as a god, and then number two is don't get pregnant.
47:21🔗
Adam
Good luck to you there. Didn't Annie Coffin die that way? Who died that way? Is it Leaches? No, hickeys. Who was that? I'm trying to think who that was. What is it with the hickey? And listen, there is no whiter, trashier move than hickey. Actually, the Latinos are into it, too, but I don't think the blacks are in it because this doesn't show up. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren't. Who knows? But it is one of those instincts that is bizarre to me. And listen, if you want to prove to the world that you're in love, get the person a goddamn ring or a tennis bracelet or something, but don't leave black and blue marks all over their neck.
48:02🔗
Brad Sherwood
In the dating world, when you're dating someone and you're fooling around, and if you ever had that hickey paranoia where they're starting to suck just a little too hard, you're like, hey, oh, no, no, no. Don't leave a mark.
48:15🔗
Adam
You're making out with someone and they go down and they're like looking on your neck and all of a sudden you're thinking to yourself, I'm trying to enjoy myself, but am I getting a hickey? And what's going on here?
48:39🔗
Loveline, Loveline, we'll be right back.
49:27🔗
Adam
I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight. From Whose Line Is It Anyway? ABC, in its third smash year on the number one network in the United States, and possibly the world, the fabulous ABC. Thursday nights at 8 and 8.30. Two episodes hosted and moderated by the great Drew Carey, personal friend of mine, very close friend of mine. We see eye to eye on just about every topic. I just assumed I hadn't met him before because he was a big celebrity.
50:06🔗
Adam
Ryan Stiles? Yes. Now it's all coming back to me. I gotta stop getting high before we do that show. I think it affects my memory and performance. Phone number, 1-800-LLV-E-191. And you ready to get back here, Drew? Here we go. Elizabeth?
50:24🔗
Adam
You're 19? That's one of those radio things, by the way, when I asked Drew, are you ready to get going? That means I'm killing time while I'm looking up at the board and trying to figure out what number to push on my keypad here.
50:39🔗
Adam
Let's rock and roll. What do you say? Let me give the time and the weather out real quick. And then.
50:49🔗
Caller
About a couple months ago, me and my boyfriend decided to take a break because we were getting a little serious. Right. And then.
50:58🔗
Caller
We both did because we're both getting pressure from our family, so we just decided to slow it down.
51:05🔗
Caller
No. Just to slow it down because we would, you know, just fool around in front of our family, just, you know, playfully, but we just decided to calm it down.
51:17🔗
Caller
Anyway, when we were on a break, he decided to hang out with a couple of our friends and he got high and he had a little threesome with one of my female friends and one of my male friends.
51:48🔗
Adam
You know what's funny? He's like, the family's like, okay, you two get back together and start getting it on again, would you? Right on the dinner table. Go ahead and clear the table.
52:05🔗
Caller
Okay, so I find this out after, I go to church in the evening and my friend who was involved in this pulled me off to the side and told me what happened. I totally broke down.
52:19🔗
Caller
Yeah, right during the service, we had like a little revival or something. I don't know.
52:25🔗
Adam
Yeah. What kind of decorum is that? I'm not a religious man, but I know that goes against some tenet of the church.
52:53🔗
Drew
Yeah. Here's the back again to the breakup part where you guys were taking time out. That was not a mutually agreed upon. No, Elizabeth, be baloney.
53:03🔗
Caller
No, it isn't. Seriously, we were because I'm older than him. The thing is that when I turned 19, he was still 17.
53:23🔗
Adam
All right, listen, listen, you denial queen. This thing's over. You understand? It's over. Every time you see him, every time you kiss him, you're going to picture a penis in his mouth. All right? It's over.
53:38🔗
Drew
He wanted to be out of this relationship and then you put all these sort of weird explanations for why it had to end, but he wanted out.
53:48🔗
Drew
And the family wanted out and you're 19, but look, he wanted out and he got out and he started to do his thing. He's out.
53:56🔗
Brad Sherwood
You'll see him at a rave in about five years with a pink wig on and it'll all be good.
54:01🔗
Drew
Well, the point is, start with the point at which you broke up. That was not a negotiation that ended in some sort of treaty that you did.
54:10🔗
Adam
Well, their family was tired of seeing them make out. Yeah. If I had a nickel for every time my family intervened when I was making out with the woman and causing the end of a relationship, I'd be a rich man right now. And what about, you know, she said how he pulled her heart out, chopped it into pieces, sauteed it and ate it. Where do you leave, when do you leave that stage in life when you start talking about what people are doing to your heart? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you don't do it. I'm 36. I don't do that. Honey, you yanked my heart out. You threw it on the ground. You stomped on it. Then you had one of your buddies who drives a backhoe and he ran over it and then a dog came over and urinated on it and then some coyotes fought over it and tore it into pieces.
54:54🔗
Adam
With no return, right. There's some point when you just go, hey, stop screwing me over. Like, you don't start talking about your heart. You just talk about you.
55:02🔗
Adam
I don't know what that is. The written part where you realize your heart is just you and it represents you, so you might as well just replace heart with you. Quit screwing me. But you stop with that ripping the heart out stuff. I think it should be about 17, 18. Anything with the heart?
55:23🔗
Adam
Yeah, but when do you stop accusing people of tearing that out? You're tearing out my liver.
55:34🔗
Yeah.
55:39🔗
Adam
You know what it's like to have a lady pull your heart out, show it to you, and then put it in a Cuisinart and liquefy it, and then feed it to her cousin who has a locked jaw through a straw?
55:58🔗
Adam
Yeah, you know what it's like when someone pulls out your heart and then puts an M80 into it and then lights it and shoves it in your neighbor's mailbox, man, and your heart is all over the neighborhood? Do you know what that feels like, man?
56:13🔗
Adam
Yeah. You know what it's like when someone pulls your heart out and they throw it in one of those tree shredders?
56:21🔗
Caller
Okay. First off, I was just wondering, last week you had some chick that called you up that was all talking about getting with her aunt and uncle and a bunch of other people at the same time.
56:35🔗
Adam
I'll tell you what happened. We started seeing each other shortly after that call. And you know what that bitch did? She pulled my heart out and she fed it to a hungry koi.
56:50🔗
Adam
A pond full of hungry koi. Yeah. But a taste for heart. Yeah. I don't know what happened to her.
57:00🔗
Caller
Do you have a question? The question was, I've got this, she's basically my girlfriend. I've known her forever. But she's just not as sexually attractive to me as some other women.
57:14🔗
Caller
And I don't know, when I think of somebody like I'd like to get married to or someone I'd like to spend a long time with, it's her. But on the other hand, I know I want to have a good and healthy sexual relationship.
57:48🔗
Drew
Hang on a second. Wait, wait. Adam, let's say we're talking to Chris' girlfriend, quote, girlfriend, unquote. How would she describe this relationship? Hang on, hang on.
57:58🔗
Adam
Drew, I don't know what dark and crampy pet. What are you trying to do? Yank my heart out, put pepper on it, saute it? No. I don't know where you're going. They have a little bit of physical contact, not much.
58:24🔗
Drew
If we asked her, she'd go, Oh, this guy, Chris, we've been friends forever. He's so nice. He details my car for me twice a week.
58:38🔗
Adam
I thought he said he wasn't that attracted to her. He wanted to fool around before he got married or something.
59:00🔗
Adam
Okay, Drew, you read the screen. That was your mistake. And you got screwed up because you read, the screen says, how to make a girl sexually attracted, attractive to him. Oh no, you're right. You did read the screen. Hey, can we edit that part of the show out?
59:17🔗
Drew
Chris, the deal is she's not that attracted to you. And because she's not, there is no sexual relationship. There would be if she were open to it. Right. Right.
59:31🔗
Drew
Because he's covering for the fact that she's just not available for a sexual relationship. He'd love to have one.
59:53🔗
Adam
That's right. All right. Hey, Chris? Yeah. I don't know what's going on here, but you're sinking a lot of time and a lot of effort into something that ain't going to work. Find a new one and move on. Someone is into you. Someone, listen.
1:00:09🔗
Adam
Drew's right. Drew's instinct was right. He started off by, here's how he started it. He started by saying, this is my girlfriend of a long time and I'm losing interest in her physically. I'm just not into her and I want to have other experiences. And I was thinking, all right, he's done with his old girlfriend.
1:00:26🔗
Drew
Oh, no, no. He said, he was very much more covert and convoluted. Like, there's this girl, she's basically my girlfriend. Well, I've known her my whole life. We hang out. We're friends. Do you have a physical relationship? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I just love her and I'd marry her. It went on and on and on.
1:00:46🔗
Adam
Women could turn cornholing into a handshake and guys can turn a peck on the cheek into a tort affair, you know, into nine and a half weeks in front of the refrigerator. It's great. We both have our own agendas. Guys are going this way. Girls are going that way. Sometimes they cross in the middle. But this guy's living in fantasy land.
1:01:12🔗
Adam
And listen, guys, please, if you spend X amount of time with a woman, it becomes weird after a certain point. It just does. They become like family. It's strange. You know what it's like? It's like eating a pig you made friends with. It really is. You buy a pig.
1:01:30🔗
Adam
And you raise Wilbur. And you take care of it. And you nurse it. And then Wilbur's like three years old. And Thanksgiving is coming up. You go out and slaughter it. No way. Meanwhile, you're eating bacon every day because you're eating strange pig. But you can't eat familiar pig. And it's the same with the vagina. You cannot eat familiar vagina. It has to be strange vagina that you eat. Strange and bizarre vagina.
1:01:59🔗
Adam
That's right. It will clog your arteries. You need to find a new woman. There's a little window. Get in there and then slaughter her and eat her before you make friends with her. It is true about my pig. I've never been rider than my pig analogy though.
1:02:20🔗
Caller
I am and I'm calling from Canada and I want to let you guys know that Canada loves you.
1:02:44🔗
Caller
On the island. And we just, we now in the province of BC, we get the morning after pill.
1:02:54🔗
Caller
I guess so, yeah, the Buzz 100.7. And I get all my friends to listen to you guys. You guys are great.
1:03:05🔗
Adam
Well, you know what, James? Interestingly enough, next week, Jimmy and myself are going to Toronto as ambassadors of the Man Showing of Goodwill because the comedy network in Canada is going to pick up the Man Show.
1:03:22🔗
Best show on television, the Man Show.
1:03:39🔗
Drew
We don't really know. Presumably is the same as other hallucinogens. That is the same chronic mood disturbances, anxiety.
1:03:47🔗
Drew
It's less. People don't use enough of it, at least yet, to really see those long-term problems.
1:03:52🔗
Adam
I've said that many times, too, Drew. I agree. People should use more mushrooms. I'm with Drew on this one. We got to start a campaign.
1:03:59🔗
Drew
But again, hallucinogens are one of the categories that really does seem to be associated with brain damage.
1:04:08🔗
Caller
I decided to quit it. I don't like it, but I used to do it. I did it every two weeks, I guess, but I decided to stop.
1:04:19🔗
Adam
I used to do it every two weeks. How many times did you do it? That's great. All right, James, you're fine. All right, now, we'll be up there. Listen, you got that good beer and can of. You don't need the drugs. We'll be up there next week. Hey, Drew, you never did the mushrooms, I guess.
1:04:45🔗
Adam
Everything is bizarre when you're high on mushrooms. It's great. And as I've said and haven't talked about this in, it seems like a few years, but the thing about, here's what's interesting about mushrooms and all hallucinogens, but especially mushrooms for some reason. Brad, you tell me if you identify with this at all. I've done mushrooms probably three, four times, maybe five times in my life. You really, you can only do them like every four years because your side hurts for three and a half years after you do them because you're laughing. But here's the deal. There's a lot of stuff, a lot of rituals that go on in society that you don't pay attention to because you don't have time to, because your head would explode. There's just a lot of ass that goes on. Everything from women pressing false eyelashes onto their eyelids, to what goes on at a Benihana at any given time, that you would really freak out over if you really sat down and thought about it, but you never do because you're too busy and your mind doesn't work that way. That's good because we'd all go insane. But when you get high on mushrooms, man, it's like somebody dropped you down from a spaceship. You sit there, and I remember watching a commercial for Lee Press On Nails. I was like, so the women take pieces of red plastic, the human women, the humanoid women, and they stick it to the end of their claws there, and it makes the little red, and I guess the red must be blood, and that makes them longer. Then men, the male species, are more attracted to them because those red blood claws are longer on their hands. I thought, that's weird. What's up with that? Then a monster truck commercial came on, and I saw big trucks smashing smaller trucks, and people standing up and cheering, and it was Ford versus Chevy, and stadiums of people like going nuts. I thought, wow, this is a really weird society we're right in the middle of, and let's not get high on mushrooms again because I'm really starting to freak out. You don't notice all this stuff because you're right in the middle of it, but you get high on mushrooms and you'll notice it, and it's weird.
1:06:52🔗
Adam
You haven't thought about it, but the concept of sticking a nail onto the end of your nail to be longer and redder than your nail is pretty weird if you're not used to it.
1:07:06🔗
Adam
Yeah, you know where I find all these beautiful bitches? I make money in real estate. I come to this country from Vietnam 20 years ago. I have nothing. I float over in a crock pot. Now I have this. I have helicopters. I have helicopter made by Ferrari. You want women? You want women? You see this boat? You see this boat? That's my boat. That's my toy. That's my toy. You see that Ferrari? That's my toy. You see those bitches? Those coke bitches? Those co-cars? I put them on my toy and I drive around in them. I have all this. All from real estate. See this picture? That's not my family. But that's family that could be like my family when I come from Vietnam. I have huge breasts and I'm skinny. I'm not fat. Do you remember Tom Fu? I think he's in jail or something right now. You want to make money like me?
1:07:58🔗
Adam
That's my toy. You see that square boat? That has 370 horsepower V8 engine in there. That's my toy. That Ferrari? That's my toy. And I have Lamborghini too. That's my other toy. And see this driveway? Half circle. I start on one side and end up on another side. You won't be like me or you won't be pussy. Stay home, get fat. You see this Lego? That's my son toy.
1:08:33🔗
Adam
Yeah, it was great. He drives a great infomercial, late night real estate. And then they have commercials and then they have these like testimonies. Tom Vu showed me how to buy a three million dollar commercial property with no money down. They gave us money to buy it. And it's like, I always say then I buy a house and like, yeah, we're going to need 25 percent plus closing costs. I'm like, wait a minute, what about no money down? It was like, are you high?
1:09:00🔗
Adam
Are you still high on mushrooms? Yeah, it's like, but Tom Vu says, no money down. I think he's in jail. I really do. And I want to get Tom Vu out of jail just so we can make more infomercials.
1:09:13🔗
Adam
Oh yeah. Yeah. Forget about the black guy shot the cop in Philly. I'm going down there and I'm going to get Tom Vu out of jail. You got the guts to make money like me? You want toy? That's my toy. The Ferrari, that's my toy. I drive Ferrari into my helicopter.
1:09:47🔗
Caller
About three days ago, I had anal sex with this guy and he came. I went to the bathroom afterwards and some of it came out, and I'm worried that I'm pregnant from it. What are the chances of me being pregnant?
1:10:23🔗
Adam
You let me cornhole you or you got guts? All right. You want to cornhole 16-year-old? You do it through real estate. I come here with nothing. I clean dishes. My family clean dishes. Now I have all this. This is where I keep my toys. That's a garage. All right. Hey, Megan.
1:10:45🔗
Adam
All right. You're not pregnant, but what about the unprotected anal sex? How's that going there?
1:10:51🔗
Drew
You can get sexually transmitted diseases that way. And that's the best way, the most effective way to contract one.
1:11:00🔗
Adam
Yeah, he's great. He's a keeper, this guy. Is he your boyfriend? No. Yeah. Wow. What would you let your boyfriend do to you? Like rape you with a bowling pin or something? No. All right. How long have you known this guy?
1:11:21🔗
Adam
Wow. What chicks are letting guys who they don't even like do to him these days? It breaks my heart.
1:11:41🔗
Adam
I know daddy's an alcoholic, but can you stop acting out a little bit? Take it easy on your ass.
1:11:47🔗
Drew
Don't the fact that he is not a great guy, not available in the way you need him, doesn't mean that you have to pick up the banner and continue to abuse yourself. But do some things that make you feel better about yourself. I know it gives you some relief in the moment to do these sort of thrilling wild activities. But it makes you feel worse in the long run, doesn't it?
1:12:12🔗
Adam
Oh, man. This ain't going to get you pregnant, but you'll get pregnant some other way, all right? Okay. Don't get pregnant.
1:12:18🔗
Drew
You hear me? Get the emergency contraception, keep it in a medicine cabinet, and in the meantime, get on the pill.
1:12:25🔗
Adam
All right. We'll take a little break. We'll be back. Me, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is a, that's not Dr. Drew. He's on the phone with the Emmy Award-winning Jimmy Kimmel. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight from Whose Line Is It Anyway, Thursday Nights, ABC, 8 and 8.30. Drew just hung up the phone with Jimmy. I'm guessing it was a medical thing unless Jimmy just called the bus with balls on something.
1:13:38🔗
Brad Sherwood
Have some Valium and drink a full bottle of vodka. Touch yourself in inappropriate places in public.
1:13:51🔗
Drew
He's fine. He also wants to know the age of consent in certain states. He's very preoccupied with the idea of under 16 year olds and adults.
1:14:03🔗
Adam
In certain states. Oh, I think it has to do with a movie idea or something like that. There you go. All right. We're writing this movie for Ivan Reitman. Actually, Jimmy does all the work on it and I consult. Actually, I don't really consult. I just ask him how it's going. We're supposed to have a meeting with Ivan Reitman and we never do anything. Last time we met with him, he yelled at us. He actually yelled at us.
1:14:30🔗
Adam
It's almost like, why are you wasting my time? I thought we were doing a movie, blah, blah, blah. So, now we're supposed to meet with him in a couple of days. We haven't done anything yet.
1:14:46🔗
Drew
Not to encourage you, but he appreciated Tommy Foo. I wonder if you heard your, what's the woman's name?
1:15:02🔗
Adam
He was sitting there when Minka rammed her Korean shin into my American nuts. I'm number one Oriental big boob queen. You know why they like me? Because I'm skinny. I'm skinny and I have big boobs. And you know, I don't need money. I don't want money.
1:15:21🔗
Adam
Yeah. This is Minka, the number one Asian big boob queen. And they like me because I have skinny ass and big boobs. Big boobs. And I don't want money. OK, I give you three lap dance. That's $60. It's like Minka, I thought you didn't want money. Come on. Get serious. Minka need money. I like that. Yeah. Minka and Tom Voos should hook up to start like a super race of annoying Asians.
1:16:10🔗
Adam
Yeah, but I'm not going to give you an important role. You're going to be the one who goes around at night and staples my picture to a telephone poles.
1:16:22🔗
Caller
Brad, Brad, Brad. I shouldn't say I love you because I don't know you, but I like you.
1:16:33🔗
Caller
And then the second time you weren't on the show, but you were hanging out in the rafters.
1:16:36🔗
Adam
Well, they kicked him off for not being funny for a half season, but then they let him back. He asked me not to talk about that over the air.
1:16:45🔗
Caller
I was there the first time you guys did a takeoff on who wants to be a millionaire when the furt in the show just first came out.
1:17:01🔗
Brad Sherwood
You know, I have no idea about that because we just, they show them to us when we're actually taping. So they have you guys write stuff down and I think they take them back and if they have 300 people there, you know.
1:17:37🔗
Adam
Oscars. I don't know what Oscar is. Yeah, Oscar is from Spain. And he's a great guy. He's very jovial. Although, you know, sometimes you think there's foreign guys and you go, wow, this guy's stupid. And then you think, no, it's just a language barrier. And then you go, no, if he was back in his home country, he'd be considered stupid. But he's very friendly, very jovial guy. He has a very thick accent. I said, like I said, he's from Spain. And he talks to me while he's cutting my hair. And I try to correct his English. And he says to me the other day, oh, this is two years ago. He goes, I'm thinking of trading in my bobo for a Saab. And I said, you mean your Volvo for a Saab? And he says, that is right. My bobo for Saab. Saab. I said, no, no, no, ask her, it's not a bobo. It's a, it's a Volvo. Yes, all right, the bobo. No, Volvo, bobo. So no, no. Okay. Let's forget about bobo for a second. Let's move on to the Saab.
1:18:49🔗
Adam
Okay. Wait, ask her, listen to me. You know the V that you're putting at the end of Saab? That V, you know, that V, that V, take that V, and let's take that V, and let's put it at the front. Let's graft it on to the front of bobo, okay? Because we know you can say the V now because you're calling the Saab a Saab. Saab. Okay. Now, let's go Saab, Saab, right? V, V, Saab. Now, we go to the front, we put it at the front, we take the B off of bobo, and we take the V from Saab. So here, let's give it a try.
1:19:24🔗
Adam
Now, so he takes a number two pencil, he puts it in his mouth, he puts it across his mouth, like, uh, uh, whoa, whoa. Now, he sounds like a retard mispronouncing bobo.
1:19:41🔗
Adam
You know, it's bizarre and no one has fully been able to explain this to me. I don't speak any language but English, and I barely speak that. But if you told me slowly how to pronounce something in your native tongue, I could mimic it, and I look at him and I go, Oscar, vo-vo, bo-bo. No, no.
1:20:32🔗
Adam
Oh, my God. I'm trying to think. I said, I picked a good Spanish word, like a good food that was like sombrero, or something like sombrero, right? Sombrero.
1:21:38🔗
Caller
Anyways, I was on Paxil and I withdrew myself from that pill because the sexual side effects were too much for me.
1:21:55🔗
Drew
You can't do that with Paxil. You'll have withdrawal. It feels very uncomfortable. You get dizzy and nauseated and just feel awful.
1:22:08🔗
Drew
Well, Effexor, interestingly, is the other antidepressant that causes a very intense withdrawal.
1:22:16🔗
Drew
You stopped Effexor now, too? If you want to get on something not the drug you were taking that might help reduce the withdrawal symptoms, Selexa tends to be able to help that way and tends to be easier to get off of.
1:22:29🔗
Drew
So that's what I do with people. I either put them back on and take them off slowly, which is what you should have done, or put them on some Selexa for a while.
1:23:20🔗
Caller
Three hour drive from Niagara Falls. And then... Because Niagara Falls, Canada, and then Niagara Falls.
1:23:28🔗
Adam
All right, listen, I don't care about... I don't know anything about geography, but I got a placemat with the map on it. And I was looking at the little dot of Toronto and looking at the little dot of New York. And there's really... They're really about a quarter inch apart. And I know it's more than a quarter inch. I know it's more like...
1:23:48🔗
Adam
No, I mean, the distance from New York to Toronto was closer than like San Francisco to LA. I don't think it's a three hour plane flight, but it may have really slow planeset.
1:24:06🔗
Adam
I know, but first he said plane. He said plane flight. And then he went into the driving.
1:24:13🔗
Adam
No, no. You know what he should take? He should take a helicopter. That's my toy. That's right. I bet you want one too. You know why? You can't have, because you're scared. You're scared to make money. You're scared to make money like Tom Boo. I'm rich. You see I get all these women? They're all cocores. They want my money. And I give them money, because I'm not scared.
1:24:48🔗
Adam
I really wish I wash dishes for just like 10 minutes when I was 17, so I could tell everyone I used to wash dishes for a living. I think everyone should do that just on the off chance they become a celebrity or a millionaire. They could tell that story about washing dishes. Everyone should do some dishes. I mean, professional dishwasher.
1:25:11🔗
Adam
Where? Oh, is that part of the community service after the Coke Bus? Very good. We'll take a break. We'll be back.
1:25:56🔗
Adam
I love that riff. Brad Sherwood is our guest tonight. He's from Whose Line Is It Anyway, Thursday Nights, ABC. Eight and eight-thirty, by the way. And Drew said he was heading to Capitol Hill to what? What are you doing in Capitol Hill?
1:26:13🔗
Drew
Doing a presentation for Advocates for Youth. It's a good group. And NIDA, National Drug Abuse. And we're going to get him, Ron Leshner, who's got Mr. Ecstasy. He's going to be out here. I'll get him on the show. Really answer all the questions on ecstasy.
1:26:36🔗
Drew
He knows everything there is to know about it. He's at the National Institute of Health. He is sort of the expert on ecstasy.
1:26:52🔗
Adam
Oh, that's really great. Who was that model? Who was in here? What was her name? Oh, I can't think of her name. What? Beverly Peele?
1:27:01🔗
Adam
Yeah. Oh, that was one of the greatest nights of my life. Beverly Peele was a guest. And she just got done speaking on Capitol Hill on behalf of Planned Parenthood. And I said to her, what did you say? And she said, I don't know. And I said, well, how many of you don't know? Didn't you have to prepare something? Oh, no, they prepared it for me.
1:27:23🔗
Adam
I read some three by five cards. So I was like, well, let me ask you a question about this morning after Pills. She was like, huh? And I thought, that's what's wrong with this country. We get models to speak out on behalf of things that the models don't really care about. And they're stupid and they're not interested in it. And no one ever busts their balls on it because they're models. And then we have Beverly Peele standing in front of the folks on Capitol Hill talking about reading 3x5 cards about the teen pregnancy. It's great. Right. All right. You know what we should put? You know who should speak out on behalf of young people? Tom Foo. You scared? You want to make money, kiddies? You got guts like me? You want toys? You want toys? You want big boy toys? Just not toys, just not Lego.
1:28:17🔗
Caller
Well, you know, first off, say hey, I really like your show, and I thought I would never find myself calling you guys, but...
1:28:25🔗
Adam
Hey, you know who I miss more than Tom Foo now that I think about it? Tony Little. Tony Little is the guy with the ponytail who's about four feet tall, and he's real buff, and he runs around, and he yells, Technique!
1:28:40🔗
Adam
And it's like he'll say to somebody, hey, do a sit up for me. Show me how you do a sit up, and the guy starts sitting down. No! That's all wrong! It's like, hey Tony, can I get my ass onto the carpet before you do it? No, Technique! Hey, do you want to hyper flex your deltoids? No? Technique! He starts screaming at people. He's got this ponytail. It's always great when short guys, guys under five-five decide to bulk up real big. That's a great look. The ladies really enjoy guys who are sort of wider than they are tall. So he just ran around and yelled, Technique! at everyone. I miss him. Yeah. I could get him and Tom Vu together. Jeff?
1:29:22🔗
Caller
Yep. It's kind of strange. I'm a heterosexual. I love women. I'm not attracted to the opposite sex in any way.
1:29:43🔗
Caller
No. But the thing is that I was married, has been married for like five years, and then I went through a divorce about eight months ago. And two months prior to our divorce, I started getting this fetish about masturbation with vibrators in my ass.
1:30:03🔗
Caller
And I don't know, I mean, is that normal, or is that something that you just, I mean, because it's just, it's mainly just with vibrators. And I started using my wife's vibrator. And just to...
1:30:31🔗
Caller
I first started doing it because it gave me a, well, it gave me a better sexual kind of orgasm. All right. Because I was sensitive down there.
1:30:41🔗
Adam
Does your wife know what kind of mileage you're putting on that vibrator before she then puts it up her?
1:30:47🔗
Caller
No, she didn't know because we're not married no more. And see, I got divorced. It was finalized like back in January.
1:31:03🔗
Adam
Listen, you wiping it under the pit of your sweatshirt before you throw it back in the nightstand, it's not constitute cleaning it off. No, no, no.
1:31:18🔗
Adam
Listen, it's somewhere in between normal and gay. What I mean is, it ain't normal, but it doesn't make you gay, but it helps. A good attorney could prove you were gay.
1:32:00🔗
Adam
Let me give you a piece of advice. Don't get drunk at a Christmas party and start flapping your jaw about this one, all right?
1:32:09🔗
Adam
And let me just give everyone a note. And by the way, if you're going to put a vibrator in your ass, I have one word for you, technique! You're doing it wrong! Okay. Here's the deal.
1:32:34🔗
Adam
If you're going to, there are certain things that you do in your life, and you think because you do them and because it feels natural and because it feels good that other people will either do it or have a sympathetic anus, it is not true. Don't tell your bodies about this. Don't tell your coworkers about it. It's just between you and the vibrator, all right? But that's fine. Crystal?
1:33:01🔗
Caller
Like, when I was between like 12 and 13, my best friend who was like 24 shouldn't have any other friends.
1:33:27🔗
Drew
That even at 14, you don't hang out with 12-year-olds. She was 10 years older than you are now.
1:33:51🔗
Caller
Well, her boyfriend, since they were 13, we got, I don't know, we didn't go all the way or anything, but we did a lot of stuff together. And like it was intimate and everything, but like and she found out because, I don't know, he blamed it on me and he finally told her that it was all my fault.
1:34:26🔗
Drew
She's 24. Christ's sake. So is he. You're in no position to render consent, let alone be responsible for that sort of thing.
1:34:43🔗
Caller
No. And they stayed together for almost a year later. And I just went to visit her over the summer. And don't say where I'm from, okay?
1:34:55🔗
Caller
Okay. Well, and I went to go visit her. And they went together anymore, but he came to see the kids. And he just, I don't know, when I saw him, I was just, you know, I mean, I was the first person that I ever, you know, did anything with.
1:35:29🔗
Adam
All right. And listen, the guy's a criminal, the girl's an idiot, you're 14, they don't live down the street anymore, right?
1:35:45🔗
Adam
And listen to me. All old people that want to hang out with young people, even if they're trying to help them.
1:35:51🔗
Adam
Flawed. Flawed. There should be the impulse of an adult wanting just to kind of kick it with a 13, 14 year old. Something's up with that person. Even if they're decent people, even if they're only raping them on a rare occasion, still, still flawed. Don't trust them.
1:36:10🔗
Creepy.
1:36:13🔗
Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.
1:36:52🔗
Adam
Dr. Drew in a rare entertainment. I want to thank Brad Sherwood for coming in here. Whose line is it anyway, everybody? Thursday nights, just three short days before that's on TV market on your calendar. Brad?
1:37:07🔗
Brad Sherwood
Thank you so much for having me. Thanks for coming on. My pleasure. Thanks for the Tom Vue. It was delightful. The Bobo story.
1:37:14🔗
Adam
Yeah. Bobo and Tom Vue, we really got it all in tonight. If I had only done Tim the Russian Rapper, the trilogy would have been complete.
1:37:35🔗
Caller
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.