6:38🔗
Sex, drugs, disease, and addiction served up fresh in 50 seconds. Adam's occasional humor and Drew's plethora of knowledge unleashed in 40 seconds.
6:58🔗
Voiceover
The world's dumbest callers can be heard coast to coast in 30 seconds. And life gets just a little bit better in only 20 seconds.
7:27🔗
Voiceover
Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.
7:42🔗
Voiceover
Yep, it is Loveline. And I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310.
7:52🔗
Adam
There you go. Got the cramp beat out of me at Raiders' minicamp today. And missing some pride and a little sleep.
8:13🔗
Adam
Oh my god. Seamen leaked from me as I walked in the equipment room. Face mask, helmet, shoulder pads, jerseys, pants as far as the eye could see. And no nickel and dime crap like get your own sweat bands or anything. Shoes, socks, everything. All the accoutrements. Elbow pads and mouthpieces. Huge. I was in Oakland at the Raiders facility today and it was, wow. What a, for a guy who always dreamt of playing football and always dreamt of seeing a professional outfit and everything like that, it was a dream come true.
8:54🔗
Adam
Just ran some drills and caught some passes from the football shooting machine and hit the sled and all that good stuff.
9:13🔗
Adam
Yeah. No, no, no, not on the field. No, definitely not on the field. Shoot me in the ass and then bang me in the ass.
9:24🔗
Adam
I have to start editing myself. Matthew Lillard is our guest tonight from all the Scream movies, SLC Punk and She's All That and a bunch of other things. Loves, Labors, wait, I don't want to pluralize the labor. Loves, Labor Lost is the newest film that's coming out from Mayor Max, right? When is that out, Matthew?
10:07🔗
Matthew Lillard
Kenneth Branagh, director, and was the lead, and Alicia Silverstone, Adrian Lester, Alessandro Navola.
10:14🔗
Adam
Oh, yes. Yes, the musical, yes. I saw something on Alicia and her singing and all. Are you singing?
10:30🔗
Matthew Lillard
Well, you know, I sing good in the big chorus numbers. There's a hundred people behind me.
10:36🔗
Matthew Lillard
Well, you know, there's that whole theory as an actor to be the triple threat, to sing, to dance, to act when you're going through acting school. So I, you know, I dabbled. I was never a singer, though. You know, he never asked me either, dummy.
10:48🔗
Matthew Lillard
Branagh, you know, we sat in a room for hours on end auditioning and talking Shakespeare and blah, blah, blah. He never asked me if I could sing. I would have lied.
11:34🔗
Adam
Yeah, I know, but it just sounds like something that aging actresses are supposed to do after they've slept with a bunch of people you may have heard of.
11:43🔗
Matthew Lillard
Yeah, well, that's the thing. I mean, everyone kind of rained down on him. The audacity of this guy, this kid right out of RADA.
11:49🔗
Adam
Well, let's see, mine would read, went to North Olivet High, cleaned carpet, I'm now working as a construction laborer.
11:57🔗
Adam
Began masturbating? I'd do like six chapters on that. The sun, I finally saw the sun rise and set one day. The birds chirped and I knew what everyone was singing about in those love songs. All right.
12:11🔗
Matthew Lillard
I mean, he really is. He is just awesome to be around. I mean, he's unbelievable.
12:35🔗
Matthew Lillard
Nathan Lane can sing like a lark. Adrian Lester, Alessandro, the lead guy, the guy who plays the prince. I mean, everyone can sing really except for Alicia and I. And Alicia did all right.
12:47🔗
Matthew Lillard
Oh, yeah. We trained. It was like Shakespearean fame. I mean, we had like three weeks of acting class and you'd pass each other in the halls and you'd go dance. Then you'd sing and then all this. You do text with Ken. It was really awesome.
13:08🔗
Adam
Not something that's used to describe Shakespeare that often. But listen, I've never read a Shakespeare play, so I can't pass any judgment. Now, this is just in a very limited engagement and release right now. But we're hoping that through shows like this, it'll get spread out to the masses.
13:31🔗
Yeah.
13:41🔗
Caller
Well, I've been with my boyfriend now for seven months. And he hasn't touched me or even tried to. And I think that he might be gay.
14:11🔗
Adam
Oh, well, as long as you've known each other. Yeah. Drew, how long have we known each other? Five, six years?
14:20🔗
Adam
So you've known him since the sixth grade. All right. So that's a done deal. And really, have you ever kissed?
14:49🔗
Matthew Lillard
Did he ask you out? He said, will you be my girlfriend? The whole nine yards?
15:27🔗
13.
15:42🔗
Adam
No. Okay. Well, Arlene Francis is going to flip over all the cards now, and we're going to go to a commercial. Okay. No. Is there anything you want to tell us, or should we just sort of keep firing off questions and you can say yes or no?
16:15🔗
Well.
16:18🔗
Drew
So my thinking is that that was an awful experience. And if you've chosen guys that are impotent, no, going to mistreat you.
16:26🔗
Drew
Yeah. Now, now she's going to forget, right, the guys that are safe. And that now that's even, that's no good either, though, of course.
16:37🔗
Adam
What's wrong with you? Why are you sounding like you're a fifth grader when you're seventeen? Are you stunted emotionally? Do people say that?
17:19🔗
Adam
I'm not miserable. So Jasper. Yeah. We're going to hang up, you know, because you're not really talking. Okay. But here's the here's the deal.
17:35🔗
Yeah.
17:38🔗
All right.
17:39🔗
Adam
We'll put you on hold and we'll get his phone number and then we'll give him a buzz. Boy.
17:58🔗
Matthew Lillard
Well, it's funny that she didn't want to talk about she didn't want to talk about anything.
18:04🔗
Adam
No, but what Jasper to me sounded like is somebody who had something traumatic happen to them when they were young and they got locked in. Something very bad happened to them when they were 11 or 12.
18:16🔗
Adam
Or nine. Something. Something probably like that. And then for the next 10 years, they're nine. It may say 17, but it's seven. All right, we'll try to get, Danielle, try to get his phone number. We'll see if we can get to the bottom of this.
18:37🔗
Yeah.
18:55🔗
Adam
All right, hold on a second. Hey, Earth to Tartow. And this goes to not only 15-year-old David, but all the people who call this show. And just hang on there, Dave. It's only going to be for like 45, 50 minutes. Here is the deal. We understand that you're in a certain degree of pain. We understand that you're confused and our heart goes out to you. But don't call this show if you can't form a thought. Understand that we're not calling you. You're calling us. There seems to be some difficulty in that department for a lot of our callers. They call us and it's as if we'd woken them in the middle of the night and started asking them about their sperm. How's the sperm, Dave? Huh? Who is this? Is it coming out of your penis? Yes or no? Sometimes. That's really, it's even more confusing than that. I'm more lucid at 430 in the morning when the phone rings than our retards who call this show. And listen, I understand you have no education, you hate your parents, and you live in a crappy town. Here's all I'm saying. Don't call. Just don't call. Or take a moment, compose yourself, form a question, have a shot of jolt, then call, and be prepared to talk. But I don't want to squeeze you like a goddamn bar rag to get an answer out of you.
20:17🔗
Drew
Or think for a second, what is it likely the interaction is going to be like when you get in with us?
20:23🔗
Drew
What are we likely to do? What are we likely to do? When we get the call, we're going to ask a bunch of questions. Just be prepared to answer.
20:29🔗
Adam
Well, you know what we get a ton of? We get a very, like, an absurd sort of a scenario. Like, I do this to my penis, and, you know, genies come out, you know? And then here's how it goes every time. Genies come out of your penis?
20:56🔗
Drew
Well, but then it goes, it's like, like, why do you want to know? What are you, what are you to ask, man? Stop killing me.
21:08🔗
Hey, what's up?
21:13🔗
Caller
All right, I got a problem seeing my dad's girlfriend, and she, I mean, I had sex with her.
22:16🔗
She's been hammered still.
22:40🔗
Adam
All right. Hold on. There's a DC-10 flying through Carlos' living room. Here's the deal. And by the way, here's one thing I've learned from this show. The worse your problem is, the more noise that's going on. And by the way, there's a direct correlation. We have people calling with, I hear conductors yelling all aboard, the trains going through, there's a machine gun fire, there's helicopters, there's cats screwing in the background.
23:46🔗
Adam
Yes, no humping dad's girlfriend. That's a rule. Especially if him and mom never get separated.
23:59🔗
Hi.
24:06🔗
Caller
Well, the reason I was giving you a call, Adam and Dr. Drew is because me and my girlfriend, today we were having intercourse and my condom slipped off and it went way deep in her.
24:21🔗
Caller
And she went, you know, she came to the bathroom, she urinated and it came out. Then it just popped out of nowhere. The condom had a-
24:28🔗
Adam
Sure, it filled up like one of those balloons at the arcade where you hit with the squirt gun in the clown's mouth. Yeah, it just keeps getting bigger.
25:09🔗
Adam
That's right. I miss her. All right. So you know what this country needs in lieu of a war is some chick to fall in a well. You know what I mean? There's a few things that we need nationally I believe like every some odd years, maybe every 10 or 15 years, a good skirmish abroad always tends to sort of rally the troops stateside and or somebody falling in a well.
25:38🔗
Adam
Yeah, Elion is pretty solid. But the problem is it's a little, it's kind of a nationalistic thing. I mean, it's a lot of the Cubans are pissed off and a lot of the Anglos could give a rat's ass. But when a nice fresh three, four-year-old white chick falls in a well, that's something we can all get behind. Let's see if we can do that, Drew.
25:59🔗
Drew
Let's talk about John and his condom problem. The question is, should he get the morning after pill?
26:05🔗
Adam
Well, we would say, because we're not the one who has to go out, get it and pay for it and all that stuff, go do it. But on the other hand, he didn't have an orgasm.
26:15🔗
Drew
The risks are slight, but if you want to be perfectly safe, you need that morning after pill.
26:22🔗
Adam
Hey, do you think a lot of guys leak when they're younger, do they not? Do you know what I'm saying?
26:37🔗
Adam
But don't you think a guy is more apt to leak semen when he's excited at 15, 16 than he is at 35?
27:02🔗
Matthew Lillard
That's a little problematic in my book. No, I mean, it sounds like he had a condom with spermicide on it. He didn't ejaculate.
27:10🔗
Matthew Lillard
Chances are slight that she's going to... I mean, the window of opportunity to actually get pregnant isn't that great.
27:20🔗
Drew
If it were me, I'd get emergency contraception and just take that down to essentially zero.
27:25🔗
Adam
All right. I would like young males to call... Not young males, older males to call this show and tell us if there's a difference in penis performance with their own penis between 14, 15, 16 and 28, 29.
27:57🔗
Adam
Here's the difference. Like you go out on a date when you're 15, 16 years old, you park the car, you make out for a little while.
28:04🔗
Adam
A little hanky-panky, maybe second base kind of thing. And then you get home that night and your underpants are a mess.
28:10🔗
Adam
Now at 35, I don't think that happens as much, but it may, that just may be my perception. All right, should we talk to...
28:27🔗
Adam
We're trying to call your alleged boyfriend, but it's busy. He doesn't have the call waiting, does he?
28:37🔗
Adam
You don't sweat the details, do you, Jasper? All right, Jasper, let's get to the real bottom and I should say heart of your problem. Who did what to you? What happened? Somebody die?
29:07🔗
Physical abuse.
29:32🔗
Adam
Well, listen, we know your stepdad's not a great guy because we know your mom picks A-holes for the most part, although she was good enough to get away from your biological abusive dad. But I would predict that her father, grandpa, wasn't such a great guy.
30:07🔗
Adam
No, he just abused your mom when he was just sober abusing her, huh? Okay. So, listen, Jasper, there's a lot of confusion in your life, you know? You've had a kind of traumatic upbringing. And so, you're going to make some bad decisions. And I'm not sure whether this guy's your boyfriend, and I'm not sure what he's doing, but I'm glad, quite frankly.
30:32🔗
Adam
Yeah, stay with him. Hopefully, you know, by the time you're in your 30s, you'll get the first base.
30:41🔗
Adam
No, but I wonder what he is. Anyway, Jasper, why don't you just talk to him, or why don't you try to kiss him next time you see him?
30:54🔗
Do not kiss me.
31:16🔗
Adam
Matthew, I'm so glad you brought that up. I know we're running late for commercial. I just got to go on a quick riff here. So many people call this show... Their lineage is screwed up. It really is. I mean, a mom, a grandpa is abusive. She hooks up the abusive guy, then abusive stepdad. Everything is a mess. You go back 200 years, it's a big cluster F. Here is the way to rectify that. A, no more lineage for a little while. Don't have kids. Just take a little... Put a little break in the cycle there. Don't get pregnant at 16. Hold off. Get yourself a little therapy. Get your compass straightened out or your antenna straightened out or whatever example you want to use. Then when you get your own S straightened out, meet a person who's not the person you would have been attracted to when you're F'd up, but who's a good person based on you sorting out your old problems. Then start a new family with that good person who does not have the F'd up lineage. Now there's a little break in the cycle. And even though you're always gonna be sort of haunted, hopefully you don't screw your kids up and that's where it changes.
32:26🔗
Matthew Lillard
But the first thing is you have to acknowledge the fact that there's some screwed up things in your family.
32:29🔗
Drew
Well, that's the tough part. The tough part is getting people to acknowledge that the crap that went down in their childhood affects their attractions and how they behave in their interpersonal lives now.
32:39🔗
Adam
All right, we have to take ourselves a break. Matthew Lillard is here. We'll talk about his new movie and we'll talk to you after this.
32:49🔗
We're about to get funky, yo.
33:25🔗
Adam
Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-191. Matthew Lillard is our guest tonight. You know him from all the screen movies and all that.
33:41🔗
Matthew Lillard
Just the first one. I was supposed to do the third one. Interestingly enough.
33:49🔗
Matthew Lillard
No. Originally, we did talk about doing the third one, and then some issues came up in our great United States called Columbine High School. They actually socially had the responsibility to change the script.
34:09🔗
Adam
No, you can be written out or you can be written off, but you were written out. All right. Screen one then. But he was so memorable that I thought he was in two or three, although I never saw three. I just saw two. I usually drop off eventually when it comes to the sequels. Also, Loves Labor Lost is the new one that is currently out. It is out in the Los Angeles area. Is it in New York too or just LA?
34:36🔗
Drew
Just seems like a musical is such a monumental task. I mean, Shakespeare and then write the music.
34:56🔗
Adam
But it really sounds, here's what that sounds like to me. Making a movie difficult enough. Yeah. An ominous task in itself. Just making a buddy movie for a 8 million bucks with no special effects. And then to do this, make it a musical and Shakespearean and all that, it just sounds like, it sounds like the art of making regular movies has become too simple for you, and you have to keep going.
35:27🔗
Matthew Lillard
Listen, hats off to Kenneth Branagh. I mean, he really tackles something nobody's ever, and he's been crucified in the reviews. It's just, it's too bad. Here's a guy really taking a step on a ledge and really going for it, and he's getting...
35:40🔗
Drew
Because the only time, the only music that has ever sort of been allowed for Shakespeare has been opera.
35:52🔗
Matthew Lillard
Right. But you know, he takes a stab. I mean, it's set in the 30s, so he takes the music of the time. It's like the modern adaptations. You look at Romeo and Juliet, Leo's Romeo and Juliet.
36:10🔗
Matthew Lillard
No, no. But the guy that did the music, Patrick Doyle, who's like one of the top five composers in movies today, did all the music, did all the orchestrations of the music.
36:30🔗
Adam
And it doesn't, you know, just in the initial pitch, doesn't sound like a big money maker.
36:38🔗
Matthew Lillard
He has a cache. I mean, he has a worldwide cache. So if you sell his name, and then you put Alicia Silverstone in it.
36:51🔗
Adam
Here's my, I guess my question. Does Miramax say, all right, we're going to lose a little bit on this Kenneth Branagh film. I mean, let's face it, it's an expensive film. Right now it's at one theater in LA and one in New York. We're not going to make a killing on this, but it's the kind of thing we want in our resume.
37:11🔗
Matthew Lillard
Right. And I think that's, I absolutely think that's what it is. I think that they look at getting to business with Ken.
37:18🔗
Matthew Lillard
And there's something to be said about that. And it's also a crapshoot. I mean, you know, Alicia Silverstone, Matthew Lillard, Timothy Spall. I mean, you've got enough names that in case...
37:26🔗
Matthew Lillard
In case he hits something that is, you know, something no one's ever done before and it's a niche and people... It could be huge. It could be huge. So it's a crapshoot.
37:36🔗
Adam
I've never heard of that film. And do movies ever really lose money in the big picture anymore with foreign sales and...
37:46🔗
Adam
Videos and cable, I mean, over 10 years, don't they all sort of eventually make it back?
37:52🔗
Matthew Lillard
Here's the thing. I mean, right now there is a... The entire industry is turning on its head because the amount of money that it takes nowadays to sell a film has taken whatever the budget is. So if you take like a Titanic, which is what? $200 million budget.
38:17🔗
Matthew Lillard
Whatever it is. If you take that, and worldwide it becomes a $500 million movie.
38:23🔗
Matthew Lillard
So it takes a while to get back. It takes money. I mean, and that's why less films are being made. Of course, you get something like Mission Impossible 2, and it's making a killing, but they're just making less because it takes more to sell them. So it's Catch 22 right now.
38:38🔗
Adam
All right. So I don't know what the answer is, but let's all just keep our day jobs. Michelle?
39:02🔗
Caller
I was just calling because you said you wanted people to call, and my boyfriend is 26 years old and he has leakage.
39:31🔗
Caller
Sometimes, I don't know, we'll just be kissing and he'll leak out a little bit if it's heavy kissing.
40:09🔗
Where in the world is?
40:10🔗
Adam
All right. So your boyfriend's a big leaker at 26, but the question I want to know is if he leaked less or more when he was 15, and I guess we won't find that out tonight.
40:25🔗
Matthew Lillard
When you say it's a major problem, is he having to change before he goes out? Oh, she's gone.
40:40🔗
Caller
My question is, I've been sleeping with him for about six months now, and I'm not seeming to get any looser. It hurts me a lot if we try to have sex a second time in the night because he's so large.
40:59🔗
Wow.
41:07🔗
Leaking large.
41:08🔗
Baby, baby.
41:10🔗
All right.
41:25🔗
We had each other take tests and stuff.
41:29🔗
Caller
Yes. We've tried lubricant. It doesn't help. It's kind of like I get raw, and it just hurts, and it runs wrong.
41:49🔗
Adam
Yeah. Wow. It's not that I hate women that much, but I'd like to hurt a woman with my penis just once, even if it meant she tripped and it hit her in the eye.
42:01🔗
Drew
I saw Bill Maher in his little comedy he was talking about wishing he could kill someone.
42:09🔗
Adam
I wouldn't want to kill anyone with my penis, but I'd like to maim them. You know what I mean? Like some poor woman, she's confined to a wheelchair. It's like, what happened? He bucked off a horse. Adam's penis.
42:26🔗
Drew
I'm not sure there's any easy answer for me. I'm sure there's no specific answer except to kind of, she's got to work with this guy on this problem.
42:34🔗
Adam
Well, here's my take on that, ladies. You got to get in a position where you're in control because if he's setting the... Guys are great. You know, guys, like, I mean, I've been guilty of this, too. And I hope Matthew and Drew will be honest enough to cop to this as well. You know...
42:52🔗
Adam
You're having intercourse. You're very excited. It's feeling good. And the chick's like, OK, you know, take it slow. You know, it's been a while or whatever. And you're like, yeah, OK, no problem, babe. Just let me get in. Yeah, OK, I'm in now. All right. Yeah. Take it. Take it slow. Yeah. OK. No problem. It's like one, two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going.
43:13🔗
Adam
And it's like, what happened to take it slow? It's like I did like a stroke and a half at like medium speed. And now, you know, that seemed like enough.
43:25🔗
Adam
I forgot. Well, it is, it is true. I mean, guys cannot be trusted, especially when they're in that situation to sort of govern themselves. And what a woman should do if she has a guy whose penis she's having difficulty with, she should get on top of the guy and she should sort of set the depth in the tempo.
43:48🔗
Matthew Lillard
It doesn't, it doesn't matter though, even if she is controlling the tempo and depth, you're still going one, two, three out.
43:54🔗
Adam
Yeah, but at least you're lying there with your ass on the bed and you're not able to really, you know, do any serious damage with that penis of yours. One, two, three out. How dare you. All right, we will take ourselves a little break. Who are we going to talk to when we get back, Drew? Do you have someone who looks good there? I still want calls from guys and I want to know about their leaking penises when they leak that semen. And I want to know if they leak more when you're 15 or more now when you're 30. You know what I'm talking about? That's what we need. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. Matthew Lillard is here and we'll be back after this.
45:09🔗
Adam
We're back. More Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. He is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Matthew Lillard is our guest tonight. Loves, Labors, Lost is the name of his latest project. It's a musical by a guy named Shakespeare.
45:41🔗
Matthew Lillard
And somewhere in New York. But this weekend expands to like 16 major cities or something.
45:52🔗
Yeah.
46:05🔗
Adam
Well, you know, the thing that's amazing about our call is it's like I'll say I'm 30 and then I'll get on the air and then I'll say I'm 35 immediately.
46:12🔗
Caller
Well, I called once before and I told her I was 35 and she was like, call back another time.
46:16🔗
Oh, that bitch.
46:38🔗
Caller
And they have to work really, really hard for me even to want to go out with them, you know?
46:50🔗
Caller
And I don't think I'm a lesbian and I don't think if I had to say anything, I'd say I'm asexual, you know?
47:07🔗
Caller
The doctor said that maybe if I got married and wanted to have sex, I might have to have like a hymenectomy or something.
47:36🔗
Caller
Well, I just don't know what's wrong with me, because I think it's like a gender identity, but I've had it all my life.
48:07🔗
Caller
I don't know. Because I don't think that I give out any kind of signals. You know what I mean? Well, having an eating disorder, of course, I don't think I look good. But I don't think I'm horribly ugly or anything.
48:20🔗
Adam
Now, hold on a second. Let me talk to everybody. Bulimic, are you throwing up when you're a bulimic?
48:32🔗
Adam
And anorexic, everyone lumps these things together. And I'm not, I still don't have a real clear definition. Anorexic means you're not eating.
49:16🔗
Adam
Sure, you have no mileage on you. Like a car that's never been taken out of the garage. Still got the plastic on the seats.
49:23🔗
Drew
One of the things that bulimix and anorexic get is a loss of their secondary sexual characteristics. Do you menstruate normally?
49:52🔗
Caller
Well, when I was 10, I was forced to give up a job to somebody in a church. And I feel like spiritually and sexually.
50:23🔗
Caller
I've given. That's all I feel like I'm good at doing. Because I don't feel anything and it takes care of their problem. And then they can go on their way.
50:34🔗
Matthew Lillard
Have you ever had any kind of sexual relations at all? I mean, not just penetration, but like.
51:05🔗
Caller
I grew up hating him kind of for no good reason. And then I've learned to, actually I've really changed the way I feel. I'm not trying to change the way he is.
51:27🔗
Adam
There's not enough hours in the day for this one. You have to get some therapy, please. Can you do that?
51:43🔗
Drew
I think it could well be a combo of the, people get ovarian failure and all sorts of substantial hormonal problems from chronic eating disorders, softening of the bones from the low estrogen levels and there's a lot of stuff that goes down here that needs to be evaluated in the context of low libido and the psychological.
52:01🔗
Matthew Lillard
And you have to take care of that. You can't just be bulimic for 35 years and not expect that your liver will fail. I mean, she's so candid about it. I'm a bulimic, we'll, you know, gotta deal with that one.
52:14🔗
Adam
Yeah, she needs to see a doctor and possibly a psychiatrist and then maybe a nurse and Santa too. Aaron? Aaron. Caller goes by the name of Aaron, who's called about their leaking penis. Jesus Christ. Why?
52:41🔗
Hi.
52:44🔗
Caller
Yeah, okay, right now I'm being, currently treating, you know, a yeast infection. And me and my fiance were kinda having a dispute that he thinks men can't get a yeast infection.
53:02🔗
Drew
They can get, sometimes they get a skin infection and sometimes they can harbor the yeast in their urethra and give it back to you. But that's, those are the uncommon situations.
53:15🔗
Drew
You're more likely to get some more yeast. That's, again, where the yeast skin issue comes in. But it's, again, pretty uncommon.
53:22🔗
Caller
Okay, well, like, okay, if he gets, like, you know, the irritation, you know, like, the redness and the itching and the burning.
53:35🔗
Caller
Okay, so, like, well, so not the, like, the same kind of things, like, a woman could be treated with?
54:01🔗
Adam
Give it a whirl. We'll take a little break. Matthew Lillard is our guest tonight. We'll be back with a little leakage question after this.
54:52🔗
Adam
David Dick Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, he is Dr. Drew, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Matthew Lillard is our guest tonight, Loves, Labors, Lost, a new and very interesting movie which is out in New York and LA and will hit a slightly wider release coming this weekend, this Friday. So keep an eye out for that movie.
55:26🔗
Drew
We were just discussing your intimate encounters, Lost, Labors, Loves with national baseball figures.
55:37🔗
Adam
Yeah, when we were at the, well, what was it? Almost a year ago now, we were at the Hollywood Nights, or Hollywood, at least to call it that, I think, but the Dodger Celebrity Game basically, maybe a little less than a year ago.
55:55🔗
Adam
Very exciting for me to play in that game because I grew up in North Hollywood and I always followed the Dodgers and, of course, just getting out at Dodger Stadium. And I played baseball in high school and I always loved the baseball. It was just taking batting practice and hitting the field kind of thing was something I was very excited about. Unfortunately, the coach of the team that I was on was a prick. And what is that prick's name? Oh, man. Coach. He's some big muckety muck over at ICM. And this guy's a prick. This is like world class. World class. And so, oh, God, you're lucky I don't remember your name, you little ant. You know who you are. And yes, you see me? Bring it on, you little prick. I'll gladly pound you into nothing. I'll look forward to it. And your son as well, who I heard is getting in on it. Bring it. Bring it on.
57:00🔗
Adam
Somebody told me his son's got some problems because I'm calling his dad a prick. And I can't remember this guy's name. Anyway, he was the coach. I didn't know who this guy was. I didn't know if he was from the Albuquerque team or he coached third base or he was on Wonder Years. I didn't know who he was, but oh, was this guy a prick. Anyway, I didn't get in the game because I had the audacity to talk to him before the game and tell him I had some game and I wanted to play. And he decided he was going to take it upon himself to punish me. So about half, about three quarters into the game, when I realized what was going on, which was me not playing in the game, I told him he could blow me. And then we got into a big hubbub, a little scuttlebutt broke out, and I actually had to go over to the other team. To hang out. And hang out because I couldn't hang out with my own team anymore. But the deal was is though, it turned out to be a blessing because I went out with the other team. And here comes Luis Gonzalez from the Diamondbacks, who was playing in the game that was immediately following ours with the Dodgers. And this guy is like hitting 350 and he loves Loveline. And he's not only does he love Loveline, he's like a giddy teenager. This guy, he wanted to take pictures and shake hands. And it was great. So, yeah, it's nice to, man, we ought to get him on the show sometimes. Nice to have a guy who's hitting well over 300, big fan of the show. So I give a shout out to Luis Gonzalez of the Diamondbacks. All right. And whoever that prick was, who coached our team, he can kiss my hairy ass. Swear to God. You know what drives me nuts about this town?
58:42🔗
Oh, geez.
58:43🔗
Adam
They're these guys, and they're so used to having their ass kissed that they don't even know what to do when someone has the temerity to question their authority. You know, this guy's some big wig over at ICM. And listen, I'm just putting the word out right now. I don't care who you are. You can kiss my ass, you pricks. Because the people who have to kiss ass don't have any talent. And I have mediocre talent, all right, which is not no talent. It's not worth it. I'd rather go back to construction than kiss pricks' ass. All you publicists, all you managers, all you highfalutin guys who sit behind your desk with your Armani suits on, kiss my hairy ass. I don't need any of you, you pricks. Get them. Thank you. Tim?
59:35🔗
Never die, dude.
59:39🔗
Too much.
59:52🔗
Yeah.
59:57🔗
There you go.
1:00:09🔗
Drew
Yeah, see, Tim is so high, I just wonder if he just gets an orgasm light and he thinks that's leakage.
1:00:18🔗
Dude, I don't know, dude.
1:00:24🔗
Yeah, it doesn't leak that much, so it's not like...
1:00:35🔗
Adam
Yeah. So here's what I worry about with you, Tim. Because you're a leaker and because you're a hesher, I'm scared you're going to have other little hesshers.
1:00:51🔗
Adam
That's right. Write that down so you can see it tomorrow before you have your first bong load.
1:00:55🔗
Adam
They remember it. Make some sense of it. Here's what I mean. Wear a condom when you're with a woman. Would you please, Stan?
1:01:17🔗
Yo, yo, yo.
1:01:20🔗
I sure do.
1:01:24🔗
Adam
Here's my question. Did it leak more or less or the same when you were, let's say, in the 10th grade?
1:02:03🔗
Adam
Well, what I mean is, if you looked at your semen as a chain, this would be individual links coming out before the length of chain came out of your penis or as a train.
1:02:17🔗
Caller
Do you have a chain hanging out of your wiener? Does it ring a bell or something if you pull on it?
1:02:21🔗
Adam
All right. Everyone's a comedian. Thank God no one's funny. All right. So you do leak?
1:02:36🔗
Matthew Lillard
I think I'm a leaky. I'm sitting here wondering, maybe I'm one of them leaky guys.
1:02:48🔗
Matthew Lillard
I distinctly remember getting some good grub on and being a leaky guy. And now it just doesn't leak like that.
1:02:53🔗
Adam
But could it be also that it's like you salivated more when you saw a big T-bone steak after you'd been wandering the desert for five years. And now you're eating steak three nights a week. And so you're not salivating as much anymore. You know what I'm saying?
1:03:17🔗
Adam
Well, and newness. I mean, when you're 15, 16, it's like, oh my god, I'm going to grab a booby here. Hang on, penis. We're going in.
1:03:27🔗
Adam
Right. Now, here's the question, and I think the answer would be yes to, for most men. If you're, let's say, with a woman, and you're erect, and you've been erect for some period of time, and you've been having at it, not necessarily having intercourse, but just, you know, with her. And you took a piece of tissue like what you'd use to put over a neck if you were shaving, and you put it on the end of your penis, on the end of your urethra, would it stick? Every time. And I think the answer would be yes for about 90, maybe 90-something percent of guys. For me, be no.
1:04:03🔗
Adam
Not sticking. I mean, we can try later, and you guys can, you know, knock yourselves out.
1:04:09🔗
Adam
Because you're a very versatile and talented actor. This could be the role of a lifetime for you.
1:04:20🔗
Adam
Peter? Peter? Yeah? You're 15. You've been on hold for 89 minutes. I'm sorry about that. All right. How's your phone holding up there?
1:04:48🔗
Adam
Sunday night because they put us on after South Park on our first season to get some audience. And now that we have some audience, they're moving us to our own night. Sunday night, 10 o'clock, Man Show, new time. All right, Peter, what's your question? What is going on in the background there, Peter? Hold on a second. Boy, Drew, your instincts are uncanny. I got to tell you, we're sitting here during the commercial. Producer Anne comes in here. Back me up here, Matthew, if I'm lying. And she says, look, line six, been on hold for 75, 80 minutes. This is 10, 15 minutes ago. What are we doing? Are we going to take this call or not? And Drew says, well, there's a reason he's been on hold for 75, 80 minutes. I haven't wanted to take the call. And I'm looking at it and going, well, here's the question, a kid's 15, gets dizzy, and blacks out during orgasm, wants to know what the problem is. I'm looking at that and I'm saying, well, it's probably not our best question, but we've certainly taken worse. And the poor son of a bitch has been on hold literally an hour and a half at this point. I don't know why Drew's been hanging them out so long. I don't read the board. Drew picks the calls. So let's talk to the poor son of a bitch. Then I talked to him for about three seconds and I go, my God, that's why. And it's not like you talk to him, Drew.
1:06:10🔗
Adam
It's just you were right. Hour and a half? Not enough. Not enough for Peter. Hey, Peter, could you shut whatever it is that's making a tremendous amount of noise? Are you at just your phone line?
1:06:43🔗
Adam
Listen, Peter, I don't know what kind of masochist you are. I don't know why you would call a radio show and be on hold for 90 goddamn minutes and then sort of provoke the people that were trying to work with you, but it is working, brother. All right. One more time. Peter?
1:07:06🔗
Adam
Yes. Now start speaking clearly and fast or that's it. Your 90 minutes will be for naught. What is your question?
1:07:27🔗
Drew
And this is the reason I wasn't really, I wanted to deal with this call off the air work because there is so many-
1:07:37🔗
Drew
Then he needs to see a doctor. There are many, many reasons this can happen. People can have vasovagal reactions which is just basically slowing down the heart and reaction to these kinds of stimuli. But there can also be abnormalities of the heart structurally and electrically that can be quite serious. All right. See a doctor. Yeah, he needs to see a doctor.
1:08:13🔗
Adam
He's great. He plays a cigar store Indian and a radio show host who acts like he cares.
1:08:20🔗
Robert? Yeah?
1:08:21🔗
Adam
You're another one of those guys we've had on hold for 88 minutes and 12 seconds who we got a bad feeling about. So let's just get to this one. You're 16. What is going on?
1:08:56🔗
Adam
He does have the force. Listen, listen, all you potheads, all you freaks and brain dead retards who call this goddamn show night after night. This is a national radio show. If you have one phone in your house, that's the good phone, that's the phone you'd want to be on to call this show. If there's a room in your house that does not have a transformer going off in the background, that there's no power lines next to, there's no two-stroke Briggs and Stratton lawnmower type engines being fired up, that's what we're looking for, not dryers and fans and trucks. It's a radio show, everybody. Please, just extend that courtesy to us, please. And if the TV's on, turn it down, just for the time that you're on our show.
1:09:53🔗
Adam
And if the dryer is going kunk, kunk, kunk, kunk in the background, walk over and shut it.
1:09:59🔗
Adam
Or step to the next room, although I'm sure there's a dryer in every goddamn room of this guy's house.
1:10:05🔗
Drew
If you remember, we had our one caller, it was called From the Car with the Windows Open, and she made a move to drive to the side by the airport.
1:10:12🔗
Adam
Yeah, she pulled over by the airport. All right, Robert, have you found your quiet place?
1:10:18🔗
Adam
Okay, thank you very much. Now, you have a problem. That is, your stepdad is trying to take your brothers away from your mom. Yeah. How many brothers do you have?
1:10:40🔗
Caller
No, my little brothers are half brothers, and my step sister is my biological sister.
1:11:03🔗
Caller
Because she helps a lot of my family members out during the day while he's at work. Since my sister and I are out of school, we babysit for her, and he trips out about it.
1:11:51🔗
Adam
Listen. This is white trash. Come on. Are you kidding? This is the best case scenario. Robert. Yeah. Where are you living?
1:12:42🔗
Adam
All right. Listen, can we have your mother sterilize first and foremost? She can not have any more kids. This is... This breaks my heart. The thing that really gets me about this show is the kids and then me having to come in here and do it. Those are the two things that disturbed me most about the show. So it's actually one of them is just to show itself, I guess. But the idea that there's a three-year-old, a four-year-old, a five-year-old, it's like, how many is five kids? Isn't that enough?
1:13:14🔗
Adam
You know what I mean? It's like, at what point do we start holding these people responsible for what they're doing and looking at them as what they are, which is enemies of the state?
1:13:24🔗
Drew
See, I wonder if there's a bigger force at work here, which is how we look at our priorities as a society. I was talking to an infectious disease friend of mine this afternoon who was saying how... Me too. But listen, how many limited resources there are for treating these villages in Africa, where basically 60 to 80% of all the adults have HIV, and there are all these kids in orphanages, and they're spending, they're trying to get all this money to take care of these basically hopeless HIV cases, yet no money for the orphanages. You know, why aren't we really putting our focus and our resources, why aren't we really putting that into where it counts?
1:14:09🔗
Matthew Lillard
It's so funny, is that you listen to the show, and the more you listen to it, the more you realize it is families like this that have way too many kids for the adults to properly raise, that end up having problem after problem after problem.
1:14:22🔗
Adam
Well, and the problem too is what advice do you give to poor Robert? I mean, you got a stepdad who's out of work, you have a family that's breaking up, you have five kids. What do you say to the guy? The only thing you can say to him is-
1:14:40🔗
Adam
Go to school, stay in school, set up a cottage school, set goals, go off to college, and just don't get yourself into the same mire.
1:14:50🔗
Drew
And even then we can't even say that to him because we're worried about the other three kids that are being left behind.
1:14:57🔗
Adam
He didn't sound too bad. Yeah. I don't have any advice for Robert. I don't know what that advice is. I can tell him that his stepdad will not be able to take away the kids unless mom is in pretty bad shape. Alcohol, drugs, whatever. I mean, criminal history. The courts will not let a father take kids away from their mother unless there's some serious history there. So Robert shouldn't worry about that. But please, everyone, stop humping for Christ's sake. It's driving me nuts. And yes, what about, where's Darwin in all this? I mean, listen, if there's some village in Africa and everyone's just banging the bejesus out of everyone and everyone's having sex with infected people, and no one's putting on condoms, and everyone's having kids that they can't take care of, at what point do we just go, fine, implode? Just disintegrate over there. I mean, what kind of favor are we doing ourselves as a world trying to keep everyone alive who's really sort of screwing up the world? We're taking people that don't have a lot of sense. I mean, if you really think about it, and this whole notion that every life is precious and everyone can be president, and everyone could have the cure for AIDS and every child's nonsense. Listen, this world turns over, man. It turns over just like everything, just like your skin does. Bunch falls off, bunch of new stuff comes in. I don't mourn the dead skin cells that fell off my forearm from last week. That's life, that's the world. You die, you go back into the ground, and something new comes. And if you're trying to keep a bunch of people alive who really don't need to be alive, then you're going to screw up the balance. That's what I say. All right. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. And I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It's so personal, he's asked me to stop talking about it on the radio. I mean, is that personal? So what have we learned? No more foreign aid and we'll take a break. Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Matthew Lillard is our guest tonight. Loves, Labors, Lost is the name of his latest joint. Kenneth Branagh owns in this, and so is a bunch of other people who can sing, not including Matthew. But it's going to come to a theater. It'll be in a wider release coming up this Friday. It's in New York and LA now, so you can look at that and get a little culture. I want to thank Diamond Limo for bringing out Matthew. Everything was in order?
1:18:18🔗
Adam
All right. Let's... You ever go to the limos, though? They don't let you use the phone? I always find that a little bit of a bummer. They've got all limos in town cars. They have that phone perched up on top of the back deck where the speakers are. And you ever go for that thing and the driver goes, hey, no. They didn't pay for that bucko. You're like, yeah, I just want to call you and tell you to shut the f up. All right. Let me tell you else what drives me nuts about the limos, and then we'll get right back to the phone. I have, luckily, I've had an opportunity to be in a couple of limos over the last few years, and I love to listen to a stereo in the back of the limo, but I've never been in a limo that has a knob, volume, or on-off type switch.
1:19:10🔗
Adam
For the stereo. And all limo stereos are mounted in the same place. There's a little alcove on the ceiling. On the roof, yeah, in the headliner up there. It's a little, it jets in a little, and they're all mounted in the same place, right before the backseat, right up above. But it's always dark, it's a black ceiling, black velvet or whatever, and it's black up there, and you can never turn the thing on. So here's how it goes. There's no power button. Yes, turn that on. Okay? I start pushing buttons randomly, I get nothing. Eventually, because they're now the ones with the faceflate. The faceflate. The faceflate that pops out. Yes, I hit the ejecto button and the thing lands on my daiquiri, and I spill it on my lap. Then I get the thing back on, I try to stick it on upside down. As it's pitch black, you have that mood lighting, that purple rope lighting, but that's not good for working on electronics. Finally, now I snap the thing back on. Now keep pushing buttons, hit the ejecto button one more time, put it back on again. Now I hit the power button, now it's on, and it's super loud.
1:20:20🔗
Adam
And it's Spanish, and it's some kind of cock fight coming from Ecuador, and it's louder than hell, and because there's no knob, you have no idea where the volume is. Again, just a whole series of buttons. So you hit and push, and now you're frantically pushing because it's really loud, and again you hit the ejecto button, and the thing lands back on your lap.
1:20:42🔗
Drew
Then you hit VOL, and it comes up on the screen, and it's basically brackets, and it says minus 42.
1:20:47🔗
Adam
Right, right, yes, you're into the minus decibels. Yes, right, and my feeling is, is technology is good, but there's certain things that it's just, you know, like a baseball glove, leave it alone.
1:21:04🔗
Adam
When it comes to a sports car, we want to see analog gauges. We don't want to see something going, like the $6 million man, bunch of digits speeding up. We want to see a nice analog gauge getting up to the red zone, getting up to the red line there. And I don't know who passed this ordinance. Maybe it was Pete Wilson or Gray Davis. I don't know if it goes on in other cities. But who decided that limo radios could not have knobs on them, needs to be executed. They all need knobs because plus you're drunk, you're bouncing around and you just have no idea where you are. And then eventually, here's what you do. You pop the face frame off for the 15th time and hold it under a lamp. Then I make a quick schematic on it by taking like a Snickers wrapper and some charcoal and doing a little outline of it. Then I can pop it back and sort of guess where I am. But still, you can't change channels. You can't figure the goddamn volume out.
1:22:06🔗
Adam
Yes. It is tragic. Do you think being a part of the rich and the affluent is a walk in the park? No. Not so, kiddies. You're going to have to ride in a limo one day and face the heartache of the limo stereo. That's right. It's very difficult. Heather?
1:22:32🔗
Caller
Actually, my question was to Dr. Drew. I've been with the same guy for the past year and a half. In fact, we were engaged, we married. And I was a virgin before I met him. And after we had sex, I was completely just, you know, wanted it all the time, four times a day if I could. And now I have, I was on Paxil for a little bit and I haven't taken it for about a year now. But now I just don't ever want to have sex. Yeah. And it's, I'm trying to figure out what's going on. I asked my doctor and she said it doesn't have any long-term effects.
1:23:03🔗
Drew
It shouldn't. It sure shouldn't. Did the Paxil shut you down while you were taking it?
1:23:07🔗
Oh, yeah.
1:23:13🔗
Caller
Yeah, they're normal. They're just, they're, you know, they used to be irregular, but...
1:23:18🔗
Drew
You know, if I were you, if you were to have come to me, I would do a very careful, basically hormonal assessment to see if there's something influencing what you would call the sex hormones, the estrogen-progesterone cyclings, and whether or not there's something else going on here that the Paxil may precipitated or have been sort of, maybe the depression was associated with something that, endocrinologically, that... All right. There's a lot of interesting, people can have prolactin secreting tumors, thyroid problems that are not obvious, but can really affect these sorts of things. I would get it checked out very carefully.
1:23:55🔗
Adam
She said, engaged to be married, which always drives me nuts, which that, and he was framed for crime.
1:24:11🔗
Matthew Lillard
Big shout out to my lovely Heather. She's down taking care of her nephews today. Ow!
1:24:18🔗
Yes.
1:24:20🔗
Well, I had another question for both you and Drew, but first you want to talk about the leaking, right?
1:24:26🔗
Yeah.
1:24:29🔗
Yeah. You know what? I'll answer that question in a second. But first, the leaking, I'm about to be 26. I remember when I was getting started sexually when I was in my teens, I could hold on to my fluids, no problem. But it's definitely changed in the last. I was just thinking about this recently. Actually, it's funny.
1:24:50🔗
Well, are you also talking about after you take a leak or something?
1:24:54🔗
No.
1:24:57🔗
That's definitely happening.
1:25:07🔗
Are you also talking about just after you ejaculate?
1:25:13🔗
Pre-cum. Actually, no, that. The other two probably have gotten worse, but before I ejaculate probably isn't that much different.
1:25:23🔗
I used to work with you guys on Loveline, and that was my other question. I was wondering if you guys had talked to anybody about doing like a feature film of Loveline, or I sort of had an idea that I wanted to pitch to you both, not over the radio.
1:25:39🔗
Adam
I did. Yeah, maybe I did. Yeah. I've had one of the many wasteful conversations I've had with idiots over the years in the industry. That's why I don't bother going to any auditions or anything. It's all just one big conversation. You know, here's the conversation is to really go on in all these meetings with executives and producers and all these industry idiots. Hey, I'm getting a lot of money. Yeah. And I want to keep my job. And the way I keep my job is having these conversations and not spending any money. So you want to come in again tomorrow? We can talk some more. Come into my office. I'll buy lunch.
1:26:21🔗
Hey Adam, I took your car for a spin. I got your tank filled and I got you cleaned and everything.
1:26:28🔗
How you doing?
1:26:31🔗
I got you that battery for your Cherokee.
1:26:33🔗
How's that running?
1:26:38🔗
You sort of have a hair feather trigger on the clutch there, but.
1:26:44🔗
I took care of Adam.
1:26:49🔗
Well, should I propose something for like Lepidus? Or how could I pitch you guys something?
1:26:56🔗
Yeah. You'd honestly take a look at it, though?
1:27:03🔗
Drew, I wanted to thank you for signing that autograph for the receptionist at Stone Stanley.
1:27:08🔗
Do you remember that? Yeah.
1:27:10🔗
Adam
That was very nice of you. All right. All right, Nick. That guy gets a new battery for your car. I think I sent him out. It's great. I got kids who do my bidding for me. I call them lackeys. I think the official term is like a PA or intern or something, but lackey. That's what I call them.
1:27:36🔗
Adam
He gets you juice. You give him your credit card and you just send them all around town. They pick up like dry cleaning and except for not me. I get them getting batteries and stuff from the pep. I sent them to pep boys.
1:27:47🔗
Drew
Isn't it weird that I find it very weird though that you and I get so tuned in to listening when we're here on the radio that a guy's voice, I would recognize it.
1:28:07🔗
Hi.
1:28:25🔗
Drew
Sorry. That's going to be on your background sound scale. That's got to be down the food chain a ways.
1:28:37🔗
Adam
Yeah. The only thing worse is hearing like a grandpa play the cider jug in the distance, you know.
1:28:53🔗
Adam
Oh, I'm sure she probably lives on some beautiful estate somewhere. Where are you calling from, Allison?
1:29:19🔗
Caller
But I was just wondering what to do, because I've had a crush on him for like a year. He's 18.
1:29:27🔗
Caller
Yeah. She hates it when I even talk to him. I can't tell her, but she's like my best friend. I feel so bad.
1:29:52🔗
Adam
You know what? He's a very bad guy because he's diddling two 14-year-olds at the ripe old age of 18.
1:30:20🔗
Matthew Lillard
You're idolizing him. I mean, it's just like Ricky Martin. I really, you know, you get away.
1:30:27🔗
Adam
Yeah. Hey, Alison. I know you're madly in love with a guy that most women would laugh at.
1:30:35🔗
Caller
No, actually. All of my friends have crushed on him and like all the girls at his school.
1:30:50🔗
Adam
That's right. He'll still be in ugly crack, Oregon or wherever. Where are you calling from?
1:31:09🔗
Matthew Lillard
What do you expect on this phone call, though? Do you expect us, do people kind of go, well, we'll tell you to say yes, you should get together with the 18-year-old?
1:31:19🔗
Matthew Lillard
What are you looking, what do you want us to say? Do you want us to say go for it?
1:31:23🔗
Matthew Lillard
Be reckless and be crazy. Maybe you'll get pregnant. Go away, that's bad. Find someone who's 14 and a good kisser.
1:31:30🔗
Caller
I was also wondering if you could, if it would be what's the percentage of getting pregnant if I wasn't on the pill?
1:31:58🔗
Drew
Allison, please, just stay. No, no. You're at a crossroads here. These things are not gonna make you happier. All the feelings you have are normal, but just hold out a little bit. Don't act on these things right now. Naughty. They will look differently later.
1:32:13🔗
Adam
Oh my God, and it's not gonna be that much later. And if you really think about that sort of fork in the road analogy.
1:32:26🔗
Adam
Game over, or she straightens out, hangs on to her virtue a few years, goes off to college, moves off to a big town like Poughkeepsie.
1:32:47🔗
Adam
All right, we will take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Teresa. Teresa had sex with a guy, and then he peed in bed. She wants to know what's up with that after this.
1:33:03🔗
Adam
Well, it's worth hearing. Oh, good times. Yeah, you know I'm not going to be on a good one. No. Hey, it's the Loveline. Matthew Lillard is our guest tonight. Loves, Labors, Loss is the name of his latest movie, and that is out, not everywhere, but coming this Friday, you should be able to find it. Teresa.
1:34:34🔗
Adam
I see. All right. Listen, this happens to the best of them. This happened to me. It can happen. Here's basically the way my urination, nocturnal urination schedule went something like this. Every day for many years, of course, and then many, many years. And then I'd wet the bed every three years, I'd say, from the age of maybe 19 to 25, 26. It was always, I dreamt I was on the pot, and I was taking a leak at some airport bathroom or something, and then I'd wake up. I've probably done it four times in the last 10 years or something like that, but it could happen, and well...
1:35:27🔗
Adam
And we're not kidding. No, it happens. Guys get really loaded, they black out, and they pee on their victims.
1:35:57🔗
Caller
My question mainly was for Dr. Drew. I was wondering if, is there a relation between sometimes on the weekend if I'm partying a lot, I'm drinking a lot, on the weekend, say two days in a row, I've noticed that I donate plasma from time to time. And I've noticed that...
1:36:30🔗
Caller
Well, I've noticed that my blood pressure on days after a couple of days of partying...
1:36:43🔗
Drew
And the binging sort of as you connect the dots, as the distance between the binges get less and less, your blood pressure ends up being up all the time. If you drink daily, that also drives your blood pressure up.
1:36:52🔗
Adam
Ernie, whatever you've been doing, whatever plan you've made for yourself thus far in life, do something else. It's not working out. You're donating plasma, which is essentially selling blood, so you can buy more booze for Christ's sake. Just whatever it is, stop doing it. You're an alcoholic. I can hear it on you. All right? Anyone who sells blood has a serious problem. So AA, thank you. Now let's talk to the lovely Cheyenne. Cheyenne?
1:37:36🔗
Caller
Okay. I'm 15 years old and I had sex with my boyfriend and my boyfriend told my parents when I was at work.
1:37:54🔗
Adam
You sit next to a priest at a funeral. It's like, sorry, I'm late, Padre, but let me tell you, I just cut myself a slice.
1:38:21🔗
Caller
Because he didn't want to hide it anymore. He wants to tell his parents that my parents want to tell his parents in a nice way.
1:38:33🔗
Adam
So interesting. Listen, if I were you, I would have hired a drifter to kill this guy months ago.
1:38:41🔗
Adam
Oh my God. He could not live with that anymore. I'm banging this 15 year old and I must inform her parents. It's the only right thing to do. Let me pull out for a minute so I can go tell your folks.
1:40:11🔗
Adam
When I'm in charge, I call in an airstrike. I take that house right out. Incendiary devices, mostly. Some cluster bombs.
1:40:21🔗
Adam
It'll be painless. It really will. But I got to take that house out. You know what I'm saying? Drunken jockey dad, and mom with the head screwed up boyfriend who's telling drunken jockey dad, he just got done boning your daughter.
1:40:38🔗
Adam
Hey Pops, you may not be sober, but here's some sobering news. I just got done working your 15 year old. You're 60 something, mom is 40 something. God knows how many other critters this guy has floating around nationally. You know what I mean? He's 60 something. You think Cheyenne is his one daughter? No. All right. All right folks, here's your choices everyone. You either put me in charge or you move to Canada. That's it. We'll take a break.
1:41:44🔗
Drew
And Mercifully Another Show comes to a close, and thank god it's without Adam. Matthew Lillard, thank you for coming in here tonight.
1:42:02🔗
Drew
And it's a Kenneth Branagh film, and everyone within the Sound of My Voice needs to go out and check this thing out.
1:42:09🔗
Drew
It really sounds like an interesting film, and anything with Kenneth Branagh has got to be something. It doesn't suck.
1:42:16🔗
Drew
But again, good to see you again. Thank you for coming in here, and you're always welcome. So we got to go. The show's over. So let's see. It'll just be me and Adam tomorrow night. But until next time, this is Dr. Drew on behalf of Adam Corolla saying mahalo.
1:42:33🔗
Caller
Well now, this has been Loveline. The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.