Episode 1000754888827

0:52 Voiceover Well, the Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

0:58 Voiceover Losing her discretion, advised.

1:00 Voiceover Now, here's Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191 with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

1:08 Hey, it's Loveline.

1:09 Adam I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician, an addiction medicine specialist. Tonight our guest from Jesse is Bruno Campos. Bruno is the good looking Latin lover who lives upstairs.

1:31 Drew Well, next door.

1:32 Adam Next door. I said upstairs last time, but I think he don't live upstairs.

1:36 Drew You're thinking of Mr. Oprah.

1:37 Adam I was thinking of Fonzie. I think he kind of lives where Fonzie lived.

1:41 Bruno Campos That's close.

1:42 Adam On Happy Days, right?

1:44 Bruno Campos Right.

1:44 Adam What happened here?

1:45 Bruno Campos The cool guy upstairs next door, yeah.

1:47 Adam Where's your accent?

1:48 Bruno Campos Oh, thanks.

1:50 Drew It's acted. Wow.

1:51 Bruno Campos How about that?

1:52 Adam It's amazing. But it's obvious that you have some experience with the Latin culture.

2:00 Bruno Campos I'm Brazilian.

2:02 Adam Right. Is that Latin?

2:03 Bruno Campos That is.

2:03 Okay, good.

2:05 Bruno Campos Yeah, I'm South American.

2:06 Adam Right. See, back in the old days, when you're allowed to call Mexicans Mexicans and whoever else, whoever else, there wasn't so much confusion. Now, everyone's, everyone's, everyone's African American or Latin American or whatever it is. And I'm getting confused. I never, it's not specific enough for me, you know? So obviously, you, you, you did you grow up speaking Spanish?

2:29 Bruno Campos Well, Brazil is Portuguese.

2:32 Adam Oh boy. That's like Spanish, isn't it?

2:34 Bruno Campos Yes, it's very like Spanish.

2:35 Drew Do you speak Portuguese?

2:36 Adam Yeah, I do.

2:37 Drew Tell them, show them some Portuguese if you understand how much like Spanish it is.

2:41 Adam Well, what, what do you, what am I in for here?

2:44 Drew Just describe your role on the show in Portuguese.

2:47 Bruno Campos Meu papel em português, ele é o vizinho da Jessie.

2:50 Adam Oh, it sounds like a little French in there or something.

2:52 Bruno Campos It sounds like a Russified Spanish.

2:55 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

2:56 Adam Hungarian, I find, is the funniest of all the languages. But, but anyway, you, you, You obviously have a talent with the tongue. And all the ladies listen to know what I'm talking about.

3:08 Drew He swings a bat pretty well, too. Did you see him out there with us?

3:10 Adam No, he was just telling me. He saw me at the game, but I don't remember me. We didn't meet, I guess.

3:16 Bruno Campos No, we didn't. I met Dr. Drew.

3:18 Drew You were too busy screwing off with your coach.

3:21 Adam Yeah, what was that about?

3:23 Drew What happened?

3:23 Bruno Campos I heard that you almost got into a fist fight with this guy.

3:25 Adam My coach happened to be a prick, and he decided that I wasn't going to play in the game because I had the temerity to approach him before the game and tell him that I was ready to play in today's game, essentially. He didn't like the fact that I...

3:45 Bruno Campos You're sort of forward in this.

3:46 Drew You're enthusiastic.

3:50 Adam He was making up the lineup for the card, in which he had, I think he had one of the Baldwin brothers in the first eight slots or something. This is the Hollywood Celebrity Dodger game that I bitched about periodically about two months ago.

4:06 Bruno Campos Isn't he obligated to put you in the game?

4:08 Adam I thought...

4:09 Bruno Campos Wasn't that the deal?

4:11 Adam You know, I should go over my contract with the folks over at William Morris, but I came down there with the intent of playing in the ball game. The reason I was at the batting cage all week is because I thought I might actually get a crack at a time at bat at Dodger Stadium. My mistake was telling this guy before the game, hey, I know there's 20 guys on the team and there's only nine of them who are going to be out on the field. I know there's some people here who want to play and some people who don't care, but I'm one of them who wants to play. Because I had approached him before the game, it angered him and he was upset. And he decided he was going to teach me a very valuable lesson in case I ever turned pro.

4:59 True thoughts.

5:00 Bruno Campos What do you think is his problem?

5:01 Drew Of course, it's Adam's interpretation of what happened. Right, got it. Remember that.

5:05 Adam No, the guy is a prick and if he's listening, I still will kick your ass if you want some. So bring it on, you little guinea prick. Hate this guy. Anyway, he didn't let me play the whole game. And then we got to the very end of the game. He was trying to put someone up who wasn't there and I said, how about letting me hit? He told me to sit down and I asked him again, hey, I'm not going to hit this game. He told me to sit down again. And about the third time he told me to sit down. I told him kiss my ass and bring it on you little guinea prick. I hated this guy and then he went nuts and so on and so forth. But I'll tell you if he's listening and if anyone knows who this guy is, I think his first name is Jack, tell him Adam Corolla says he's a little prick and if he wants some, bring it on. He's 50 so I know I could kick his ass.

5:56 Drew Last time you...

5:57 Adam And he's a midget.

5:57 Drew Last time you mouthed off about somebody, they walked in the studio.

6:02 Adam I hope he comes in so I will crush him like a beer can.

6:06 Drew He was talking about David Arquette and David, fast forward two minutes later, walked in.

6:10 Bruno Campos He did, really?

6:11 Adam Yeah, to be fair, it was about four minutes after I was talking about him.

6:15 He did walk through that studio door though.

6:18 Adam Yeah, it's disconcerting, it really is.

6:21 Drew We don't actually think people listen, you see?

6:22 Adam Right.

6:23 Bruno Campos If you ever talk about me, I think it's funny.

6:25 Oh, good.

6:25 Bruno Campos I quite enjoy it, actually.

6:26 Good.

6:26 Adam Well, now...

6:27 Bruno Campos I wouldn't...

6:28 Adam Thank you... .pick up on that. I wouldn't make fun of you.

6:31 Bruno Campos You're just letting off steam, you know? You're letting off steam.

6:33 Adam No, well...

6:33 Bruno Campos It's a big deal.

6:34 Adam Right. Okay, thank you. Thank you for putting in the context. But anyway, Jesse, which I watch regularly, is Thursday night... I know you almost said the S-word. I didn't. I do, because I'm watching NBC on Thursday night. I watch France, and then I watch Jesse, and then I come here. That's about it.

6:54 Bruno Campos Cool.

6:54 Adam Yeah, and I enjoy it. And you're getting... It seems to me that you're becoming a bigger and bigger part of the show, as the thing wears on. I mean...

7:04 Bruno Campos People seem to dig the character. They seem to respond to him.

7:08 Adam The first couple of episodes, I think you were sort of... I mean, we knew you were always a potential love interest, but you were kind of floating around like, let's see... And I don't know, maybe they do that when they do sitcoms. They go, okay, let's...

7:22 Drew Let's see how people respond to this guy.

7:23 Adam Let's see how people respond and we'll decide whether to have him killed in a hunting accident or he gets in the chick's pants.

7:31 Drew Or give him amnesia.

7:32 Bruno Campos Well, you also, in an intelligence series, you have to slow things. You have to slow the natural progression.

7:37 Adam Right.

7:37 Bruno Campos Because you don't want to kill... The only thing that you might have too early. You don't want to peak.

7:42 Adam You definitely have more lines of dialogue this season than you did last season. Is that true?

7:50 Bruno Campos It's in and out. In and out for episode.

7:52 Adam Every time I turn it on, there you are. Pissed off, standing by the door, trying to figure out what's going on. It's always snowing.

8:00 Bruno Campos It's always snowing.

8:02 Adam It's very snowy.

8:03 Bruno Campos Well, thanks for watching.

8:04 Adam Oh yeah, absolutely. All right, Drew.

8:07 Drew Let's go. Well, thank you.

8:08 Adam You ready to rock a ball?

8:08 Drew I want to publicly thank Adam for coming to my kid's birthday party today.

8:11 Adam Oh man.

8:12 Drew He came to my kid's birthday party. This guy, Adam comes through in the clutch. Don't ever let anybody say anything bad about Adam as a human.

8:19 Adam Drew had, thanks. Drew had what, about 55 kids over at his compound today?

8:25 Drew We did a count. It was up closer to 70.

8:27 Bruno Campos How old is your kid?

8:28 Drew 70. I have triplets. Turned seven today.

8:31 Bruno Campos All three of the triplets.

8:32 Adam Yeah, and he had a big blowout up at the Drew compound. And it was complete with this big inflatable obstacle course. God knows, kids, I swear, any kids listen to this show, you better just kiss the ground you walk on because we didn't have, you know, we had like a stick and a ball of foil when I was your kid's age. That was, we had to rent it. That was considered big time excitement. Some, you know, drunken clown would show up and make balloon animals for 15 minutes before you. He got back in his Volkswagen and headed, headed back to Glendale to the flop house he lived in.

9:07 Bruno Campos All the kids had fun. Nobody cried. Oh my God.

9:08 Adam All these kids were going nuts.

9:10 Bruno Campos Nobody broke anything.

9:11 Adam They had this big, I think I ruptured my hymen actually on this obstacle course. You'll be hearing from my lawyers, Drew. There's this obstacle course. It's an inflatable obstacle course. I don't know how else really to describe it, but it is a series of sort of peaks in valleys, and it rises up maybe 15 feet at its height, and you're like climbing up a cargo net and rolling down the other side and squirting in between a couple big inflatable logs, and then at the very end you slide down this back thing and spill out onto the lawn, and I was racing Drew's kids through this thing, and they cheat first off, and they work in tandem. That's how it is, because I'm racing one of them, and I can see the kid out of the corner of my eye, and I got like a half step on him, and I feel this other kid lock on to my leg half way up the cargo net and drag me down into the mire, so that the other kid could win. I think it was, I don't know, Douglas who grabbed onto me so Jordan could win, but it was some pretty good competitive racing going on there. And the funny thing that happened to me, I manned the barbecue, and I was flipping the burgers and everything.

10:21 Drew Got a little fight with one of the moms?

10:22 Adam Well, one of the moms, and I don't know who this woman is. Is she a mom? She is. So here's the deal. I show up at the, okay, anyone who's barbecued knows how tricky hot dogs can be on a barbecue. They're the most difficult of all the barbecue meats because you got to keep them moving. You got to keep those hot dogs rolling on that barbecue because the second you step out and grab a beer, you come back, it's charred. I mean, it's dust, right? So I show up at the barbecue. There's five or six burgers on there and eight or ten hot dogs on there. So I'm flipping things around and I'm piling the hot dogs over here and I'm putting the ones on the finish train. There's 60 kids. How many kids? Seventy. I mean, there's 70 kids. So we got to do 70 dogs and there's 20 adults and we got to do 20, I don't know, 50 burgers and 100 dogs. So I'm keeping them moving.

11:16 Bruno Campos And it's just the one grill and you?

11:18 Adam Yeah, it's the one grill and me, but it's a double burner job and it's looking pretty good. Now I'm moving all right. And the one woman who's kind of put herself in charge of the grill, comes by and she goes, hey, you know, the kids don't like the burnt ones. And I go, well, you know, out of the 20 I gave you, I think there's only two that are burnt.

11:41 Yeah.

11:43 Adam I said, well, really, there's only two that are burnt. I don't think there's just two that are burnt. I said, listen to me. There was a bunch on there that were burnt when I got there, you know, so what do you want me to do? Surgically repair them? Just don't burn these ones because they don't like the burnt ones. I said, okay, all right, so I'm keeping them moving. She's back a few minutes later. And she comes back a half hour or 10 minutes later and she goes, all right, we got the ones in the back. And well, I said, how many have back there? She goes, well, 20 minus the three you burned. Okay, so what is that? 17? Yeah, yeah, 17. And what do you got for me here? She says, I got these right here. There's like eight of them that I finished and I put up on the warming tray. And she goes, and is that it? And I go, yeah, that's that's it. And she goes, that's all you got right here? And I said to her, I may have had a beer, but I said, listen, honey, you have to change your expectations when you show up here. I don't know what you're expecting when you show up at this grill, but it's way too high. So I gave her these and she's back. And then we're in the kitchen with Drew's dad, and she's explaining to him how I burnt the first batch. And I said, I said, okay, now hold on.

13:02 Bruno Campos She was giving a report.

13:03 Adam Yeah, she's reporting to Drew's dad, hey, you know, next year, maybe this guy shouldn't be charged in the grill. He's obviously negligent. Right, right. It went through 50 cents worth of hot dogs here. Ruin the party. The kids are getting carcinogens all through their young, precious, new, vile bodies. So your dad's going, well, he burnt those. And I said, okay. I said, now listen to me, you dad and your mom is there, Drew, and this woman, I said, here's how this goes. Those hot dogs were on the grill. I don't know why I'm getting, and now I'm thinking about getting some representation now. Like who defended Farmer John in a big case? Because I need good, I need good wiener representation here. Someone to back me up. But you say your dad's standing there. And I said, I said to your dad, listen, you know, in a baseball game, when a pitcher's having some trouble, he loads the bases. And so they go to the bullpen and they get a guy to come in to relieve him. All the runs or any of the runs that score during that inning, they don't go down on the record of the pitcher they pulled from the bullpen because those guys were already on base. You understand? Those hot dogs were already on the grill. They represent the baserunners. You understand? I was not there. They go to the original griller who got yanked. And she's like, well, then she says, we're not talking about baserunners, we're talking about hot dogs. All right, I got to get to the grill. That's when I just started drinking the cooking sherry at that point. My other hot dog experience that was funny is there was a bunch of just beautiful six and seven-year-old kids just running around sort of, it's a good age because they're sort of half goofy, you know, toe head sort of kid and half sort of, you know, adult, or not adult, but actual like human. Pre-adult. Yeah, they speak pretty good. They sort of control themselves all right, but they still have these funny things. So this one little girl said, I have to go to the bathroom. I said, okay. She said she has half a corn dog in her hand. She goes, will you hold my corn dog? I said, okay. She hands me the corn dog. I hang on to it. She goes off to the bathroom like 20 minutes later. She comes back. I'm talking. So I'm still holding the corn dog like some kind of idiot. She's tagging. She said tugging on my shirt tail. Hello? Yes. She's reaching up. I need my corn dog back now. I don't know when you stop handing corn dogs off to strangers, but I'm guessing it's probably seven or eight. It's probably another good six, eight months of that left.

15:30 Drew Adam actually came to me with this hot dog and was having sort of a flashback to some of the experiences at Singles Bars or something.

15:38 Adam Yeah. I just remember many times a woman telling me to hold her corn dog and me standing there for hours, days even, and her never returning. So I was worried that this chick wasn't coming back and that maybe I wasn't getting a phone number. Hey, what's your parents' phone number? Becky?

15:55 Yeah.

15:55 Adam You're 18.

15:57 Caller Yeah. Well, I started doing this a couple months ago.

16:03 Yeah.

16:04 Caller Basically, I masturbate with a turkey baster, and then I decided to use jello and put gelatin inside it. Not like when it's solid, but when it's liquid, you like the whole coming kind of thing. I'm wondering if that's sanitary or infectious kind of a thing. Yeah.

16:23 Adam All right, MacGyver. Well, you couldn't get hold of a vibrator. I mean, what happened? Did a plane go down somewhere and that's all you could salvage from the wreck or do you live in society?

16:37 Caller No. It's something my cousin and I figured out. We were just sitting there talking one night, and I don't know, we were just joking about it, and we actually decided to try it, and yeah.

16:46 Adam Okay, so explain how the turkey baster works.

16:50 Caller Like, okay, no sound effects.

16:53 Adam All right, go ahead.

16:55 Caller Like you put the liquid jello in the turkey baster, and then when you decide, you squeeze the end and whoop.

17:01 Adam Why does it need to be jello if it's in a liquid form?

17:04 Caller I don't know, it was just kind of a nice twist.

17:07 Adam No, I don't get the twist of the liquid jello if it's in a liquid form. Why not put milk in there?

17:15 I don't know, I just didn't think of milk.

17:18 Adam What flavor jello are you going with?

17:20 Caller Flavor doesn't really matter. It's like whatever's in the pantry.

17:24 Adam Any flavor jello?

17:26 Drew You cook it up.

17:27 Caller Yeah, like you cook it up and then you kind of let it cool, but so it's like not so it's thicker, like it's sort of viscous, right? You can be able to squirt it is what I'm saying.

17:35 Adam Right, but you could put tap water in there and squirt it.

17:38 Caller But it wouldn't be as thick.

17:40 Adam Okay, well, listen, I just want to know if it's like. Okay, but how does, okay, so why do you need all that? Why do you need the squirting part?

17:49 Caller Just to add to the whole effect.

17:51 Adam I understand, but well, wait a minute. Why does she get a hold of a real penis?

17:57 Bruno Campos She doesn't seem to be seeking any form of approval. She just wants to know if it's sanitary.

18:02 Drew It's not good for you.

18:03 Adam Well, listen, it may not hurt you, but whoever uses a turkey baster next may be in for a little surprise.

18:09 Drew Mom, dad, or her them.

18:13 Adam Becky, so let me just help me understand here. So you take the turkey baster and you put jello in it and you let it sort of coagulate, sort of thicken up a little bit, right? Right. But not harden all together, obviously. And then you take the thin end of the turkey baster and you put it in you or you do something to it?

18:40 What do you do to it?

18:41 Caller You put it in you.

18:42 Adam You put it in you. And you do that in an in and out sort of motion?

18:49 Caller Well, it's just like masturbation, yeah.

18:52 Drew But you've never actually done this, have you?

18:53 No, I'm serious.

18:54 Adam No, you have never done this.

18:56 Drew You've never done this.

18:57 Adam That's ridiculous.

18:58 Caller It's not ridiculous.

18:59 Adam Listen, first off, if anyone knows, use the other end of the turkey baster. Use the bulbous business end of the turkey baster. That's the good end of the turkey baster. But you put this end in and then what? After you have an orgasm, you squeeze the thing?

19:15 Caller Pretty much, or like when you're almost there.

19:18 Adam And you squeeze it into you? And that's the deal?

19:22 Caller Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

19:27 I had to do that.

19:28 Adam And what, we just do this on your bed?

19:32 Caller Well, yeah, in my room where my parents aren't.

19:35 Adam Okay. And were you ever violated with a spatula or anything when you were younger? Is there anything we need to know?

19:44 Caller No.

19:44 Adam No. You and your cousin got to get some cable, honey. What is up with you?

19:51 Drew All right.

19:51 Adam Becky? Whenever you put that foreign stuff up, yeah, it always seems to cause infection, right?

19:58 Drew It causes vaginitis and sometimes you could potentially get some infection that could get higher in your genital tract.

20:03 Adam What if she filled the turkey baster with like a Vagisil or something like that?

20:06 Drew Yeah, with the penicillin? No, that wouldn't do it.

20:08 Adam Okay.

20:09 All right.

20:10 Adam Hey, Becky, you used tartar sauce. It's a much greater effect, okay? All right, screwball. Listen, don't hurt yourself and don't get pregnant, all right?

20:24 Drew Okay.

20:24 Adam All right. I'm not quite sure what her point was.

20:28 Drew Why she called.

20:29 Adam Well, women don't usually call the show and sort of goof. Women don't have that goof gene.

20:34 Drew Right.

20:35 Adam Thank God they don't have that goof gene. You know what I mean?

20:38 Drew Everybody in the world goofed around.

20:39 Adam But I mean, you know, 14-year-old girls don't call liquor stores and ask if they have... Prince Albert and Prince Albert and if the answer is yes, let them out and then laugh hysterically and hang up. They just don't goof around that way. So I wonder if she's serious and I think she kind of was, but I'm not sure what she wanted out of us. Sarah?

21:03 Caller Yeah.

21:03 Adam You're 15.

21:04 Caller Yeah. I was wondering if it was possible to be addicted to packful.

21:09 Drew It's absolutely impossible. However, it is impossible.

21:13 Adam Why?

21:14 Drew It doesn't cause addiction. It doesn't trigger those reward mechanisms the same way. However, it can be very difficult to get off of packful because of a withdrawal syndrome, which is very common. You have to slowly taper off it.

21:26 No, it would happen if you didn't taper off.

21:29 Drew You'll get withdrawal. It's miserable. It's awful. You feel dizzy, awful, like you're coming apart.

21:33 Adam Is that one of those serotonin re-uptake inhibitor drugs?

21:36 Drew Yes, it is.

21:37 Adam And is that one of the ones that's not addictive or?

21:40 Drew None of them are addictive.

21:40 Adam None of them are.

21:41 Drew But it's a very short acting one, very high-penny short acting one.

21:44 Adam Why aren't they addictive? They make you feel good.

21:46 Drew They don't hit the endorphin receptor. They don't hit the dopamine mechanisms in the nucleus accumbens, which is the region you need to activate for addiction to curve.

21:54 Adam Well, no duh.

21:56 All right.

21:57 Adam Did you understand any of that, Bruno?

21:59 Bruno Campos I caught it, yeah.

22:00 Adam Okay.

22:01 Bruno Campos Good.

22:01 Adam Your name?

22:01 Bruno Campos It had to be explained. Yeah.

22:03 Adam Actually Bruno went to Northwestern, right?

22:06 Bruno Campos Yeah.

22:06 Adam Is that true?

22:07 Bruno Campos That's true, yeah.

22:08 Adam Did we ever go there, Drew?

22:09 Drew No. Oh, okay.

22:11 Adam Well, I would have had an interesting story had we gone there, but as it turns out, we've never been to Northwestern. Where have we been? Northeastern?

22:19 Drew East-Western? Around Chicago at the time, man?

22:23 Adam North-South?

22:24 Drew Northern Illinois University.

22:25 Adam South-North?

22:26 Drew Northern Iowa, Northern Illinois.

22:28 Adam I swear I got a green hat that says Eastern. We've been to Eastern. Eastern something.

22:34 Drew Let me think about it.

22:35 Adam All right. Think about this, Drew, a recent one.

22:38 Drew Oh, with Eastern Michigan.

22:39 Adam We've been to South.

22:40 Drew Eastern Michigan.

22:40 Adam South-Northeastern, I think. Or East-Northwestern. Huh?

22:44 Drew Eastern Michigan.

22:45 Adam North by South, Ren? All right. Yeah, we'll figure this out. Yeah, I promise you won't be entertaining, so you'll be better off listening to these commercials. Bruno Campos is here from Jesse, Thursday Nights, 830 NBC. We'll take a little break and we'll be back.

23:07 Operators are standing by.

23:18 This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

23:33 Adam It is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Bruno Campos is here. He plays the good-looking guy who's the Latin lover from Jesse. NBC, 830, Thursday nights. It would be tomorrow night. Oh, hey, a man show is on tonight, everybody. Comedy Central, 1030, Wednesday nights. Thank you very much. Uh, and I never did get this straight. Do you live, you don't live upstairs. You live in the guest next door.

24:05 Bruno Campos Is it just the next door house? That's it? Yeah, that's it. Wow.

24:09 Adam You're over there a lot.

24:10 Bruno Campos Yeah, that's the idea.

24:12 Adam Yeah, really. I was under the impression. Like I said, it was a Fonzie kind of arrangement in the apartment above the garage or something because I got neighbors, a man, I see him twice a year that come over, yell at me, go back home again. And I'm surprised to see him the two times a year I see him, I'm like, hey, what are you doing here? Come on, I thought we had an agreement. All right, so, and is there actual fence between the houses?

24:37 Bruno Campos There is, but we have like the magical good fortune of always coming out to take our trash out at the same time. That's what keeps the romance basically intact.

24:46 Adam That is love. And you guys are sort of, I watch the show, but I oftentimes I'm a little bit, well, I'm actually just sobering up usually because it's time to come show. And I know at first, Jessie, she has, she's the kid, she had this ex-husband that was sort of floating around a little. And Bruno was around and there were some sparks. You guys got together. Then you got into a big argument when you had a big break at the art, at the art auction. Or they were going to show Bruno's work at the gallery. That's the place where they put the art in. And what's the other place where they put the books?

25:31 Bruno Campos That's a book gallery.

25:32 Adam Book gallery? No, that doesn't sound right.

25:35 Book gallery.

25:36 Adam Drew, what is that one? You've been there.

25:38 Drew Book store?

25:39 Adam No, no.

25:40 Drew It's like you rent the book.

25:42 Bruno Campos Like a book museum, library.

25:44 Yeah, library.

25:45 Adam Library? Man, they don't even have the word book in it.

25:50 Drew She helped her get as a good actress, didn't she?

25:51 Bruno Campos Yeah, I know you're probably going to want to.

25:52 Drew I remember once, before Married with Children, she was in some show, she was actually a kid, like Lights of the City or something. I remember watching this, she was like 14. I thought, oh my God, this kid to act. It was like a very serious drama show. I thought, God.

26:07 Adam Yeah, and I think she got a little pigeon hold there with the Married with Children all those years.

26:13 Drew But it's interesting, the point you always made is that if they're good, they move on.

26:18 Adam Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of people complain, well, you know, hey, I was in Gilligan's Island and so I could never work again. Right. Right. Johnny Depp was in 21 Jump Street. Exactly. Things are working out for him. On the other hand, there's other guys you work with in 21 Jump Street who aren't doing as well. So is it 21 Jump Street or what is it? You know what I'm saying? If you're talented, you can push through.

26:42 Bruno Campos And it's a combination. If you're talented, you also have to be extremely determined and just run after things. I don't know. I think it's a lot of things.

26:51 Adam And I do. I wouldn't argue that it wouldn't hold you back. I mean, if you did Gilligan's Island for five seasons. Yeah, you may not get on to the next sitcom that came down the pike, but if you were a very gifted, very blessed and very talented actor or actress, we'd get on to something else.

27:07 Bruno Campos I'd like to think so.

27:09 Adam Bob Denver's going to be on the show tomorrow night, by the way. Josh?

27:13 Yeah.

27:14 Adam You're 16.

27:15 Caller Yeah.

27:15 Adam What's up?

27:16 Caller A month ago, I had a crush on a guy who was by and lives in another state. And I wrote to him, and since then I told him I had a crush on him. But he has a girlfriend, but he didn't mind, but she didn't mind us getting together. And so he said that he's coming out to LA and he wants to stay with me.

27:42 Drew How old is he?

27:43 Caller He's 17.

27:44 Drew What do you mean stay with you?

27:46 Caller Just stay with me. He's in a band.

27:48 Drew Yeah, you have your own apartment? You're 16.

27:52 Caller With my family.

27:53 Drew How would your parents feel about that?

27:55 Caller I mean, I think they would be okay. I mean, not knowing.

27:59 Drew Some guy they don't know shows up from out of state and they just put him up?

28:03 Caller I don't know. I haven't really talked to my parents about it.

28:07 Adam You know, this is really the diabolical part about being bi or gay, if you think about it. Because you're a 16-year-old guy, there's no way some strange chick from out of town is going to come crash with you. But a lot of parents, if you sold it right, would let a guy come and stay in the guest bedroom kind of thing, some pen pal guy you met on the internet or wherever. They might let you do that. Meanwhile, there's all sorts of debauchery going on in the garage when your folks are gone, right Josh?

28:36 Caller Yeah.

28:38 Adam I think I may have cornered him with that question.

28:40 Drew What's up with you, Josh?

28:42 Caller What do you mean, what's up?

28:43 Adam Well, where do you get all the chaos at such a young age?

28:48 Caller Is this chaos?

28:49 Adam Well, this guy, first off, this guy's...

28:52 Drew Suspect.

28:53 Adam Suspect. A, he's in a band. B, he's kind of out of his house. C, he's got a girlfriend, he's cheating on, he's bisexual. Are you gay or bisexual?

29:02 Caller I'm gay.

29:03 Adam You're gay. And how long have you been gay?

29:06 How long have you known?

29:07 Caller Forever, as long as I've known.

29:09 All right.

29:10 Adam And any reason you're gay other than just being gay?

29:14 Caller I've never been toyed with.

29:16 Adam No, really? So you're what I like to call organic gay.

29:20 Caller Yeah.

29:21 Adam You came out gay.

29:23 Caller Yeah.

29:24 Adam That's... I understand. Listen, here's my gay theory, Bruno. You're going to want to know this, especially if you go back to Rio, because I know there's a pretty large population of homosexuals over there.

29:35 Bruno Campos That's true. And transvestites as well.

29:37 Adam Yeah. Because anytime you get in one of those do-your-own-thing societies where it's hot, that's it. That is all they need. They love those thong backs in Rio. Anyway, I've seen the parades, you know. Here's my theory. Some guys are just born gay. I mean, they're just gay from the word go. Sure. And I don't know why, but that's it. And I'm not going to argue with them. Other guys, their uncle did something to them when they were six years old, and that got them going down that road, you see. So some are sort of organic and some are almost created, if you get my drift. We talk to both kinds all night. Now, I don't know if anyone is taking any offense to this, but screw you.

30:21 Bruno Campos The uncle creations, you're saying, aren't really gay. They're acting out some sort of...

30:24 Adam No, they're gay. It's just they were created. And yeah, it's kind of the difference between...

30:32 Bruno Campos Like they would have been straight otherwise, had they not been messed with, is it?

30:34 Adam Most likely, yeah. Yeah.

30:36 Bruno Campos That's interesting.

30:36 Adam I believe so. And sort of the difference between a big set of boobs and a boob job, you know. It's a little bit different. They still got the bottom line, big boobs.

30:46 Bruno Campos Right, bottom line, right, got it.

30:47 Adam Where are you going? Those are the big boobs.

30:49 Bruno Campos That's interesting.

30:50 Adam But the reason I ask is because I have this theory that if the uncle screwed around with you and you're 15, 16, and maybe you're bi and you're kind of experimenting or whatever, it's time just to slow down, get a little therapy, work a few things out.

31:04 Bruno Campos Right.

31:05 Adam But that's not Josh's situation. Josh, you were just born gay, right?

31:11 Caller Yeah. All right.

31:12 Adam And the problem is, we trust you, we believe you, and we think you'll probably be all right. But I don't trust this guy who's coming out to see you.

31:22 Drew I don't think your parents are going to be really happy about it.

31:25 Caller Well, I'm actually unseeing someone now.

31:29 Drew Why don't you stay with your friend?

31:30 Adam Who are you seeing now?

31:31 Drew Why don't you cheat?

31:33 Caller Who am I seeing now? I'm seeing some guy I met at the Drama Club.

31:36 Drew Is he your boyfriend?

31:38 Caller Yeah. Well, I don't know if it's like official.

31:42 Adam How old is he?

31:43 Caller He's 16.

31:45 Adam And are you having physical contact with him?

31:50 Caller Yeah.

31:50 Adam Okay. Well, what's up with you that you want to cheat on the guy from the Drama Club?

31:55 Caller Well, what I'm saying is if he comes and just stays.

31:58 Adam Oh, but you know that ain't going to last.

32:00 Caller That's what I'm saying, but he wants to stay and I can't really, like, I feel as though I'm obligated to stay.

32:07 Adam No. Hey, Josh, listen, there's going to be trouble. I guarantee that if he comes and stays with you, there will be a point when you realize, man, I wish he didn't stay with us. Whether he rips off some of your mom's jewelry or burns the house down or your folks walk in while you're in some sort of compromising position, whatever it is, you will wish you had sent that invitation out to him. Stick with the guy you met at the Drama Club. And, by the way, I hope that's a lesson all the gay men listening. You're looking to score, you go to the Drama Club. Believe you me. Bruno, you know what I'm saying, right? Sure. The Drama Club, come on. Actors aren't gay necessarily, but guys that are involved at the Drama Club, you know what I mean? Drew, you know what I mean. Thespians?

32:54 Drew Wouldn't that be mostly actors?

32:56 Adam No, no, that's not even actor. These are people that are just enamored with acting at a young age. You're on your own on this one. That's gay, come on. And here's the thing about, here's my theory on most actors. Even if the guy is not gay, you could probably talk him into it. They're a little more flexible than like the guys from the rugby team would be. Do you know what I'm saying? Especially if you told me you're preparing for a part.

33:20 Bruno Campos Because they're more expressive, is that what you're saying?

33:22 Adam They are, they're pride, the drop of a hat. Whatever it takes, whatever the role, whatever the research, don't do it. Michael, how are you doing? Good, you're 23.

33:34 Caller Yeah, I'm having this problem about four or five years now. When I ejaculate, I have like these clear lumps in my sperm.

33:43 Drew That can be normal.

33:44 Caller Normal? Yep. Even if it's normal, about five years now.

33:49 Drew Especially if it's been going on for five years.

33:50 Adam Well, it's normal for you.

33:52 Caller Yeah. Well, another thing is like when I don't ejaculate or don't have sex well, it gets worse. Two weeks or so?

33:58 Drew It gets worse.

33:59 Caller I guess after a year, it'll come out by itself.

34:03 Drew Seamen will. Seamen will?

34:06 Caller Well, that'll come out, those...

34:08 Drew Those lumps.

34:08 Caller All the semen, like when I usually ejaculate, but just those lumps that come out.

34:14 Drew Interesting.

34:15 Adam And what... What on earth would you go two weeks for without masturbating? I mean, that's your problem.

34:24 Caller Nothing.

34:24 Adam I hypothetically could have this problem, too, Drew, I don't know. It could be after... Who knows? It could be after two days. I just never found out. Not willing to chance that.

34:33 Caller Yeah, but well, that's normal. No problem.

34:36 Drew Probably no problem.

34:38 Caller Yeah.

34:39 Drew I mean, I don't know if that increases the risk of stones or whatnot, which sometimes can happen, prostate stones, that sort of thing. But I'm not aware of anything that's associated with that phenomenon.

34:48 Adam We get that lumpy sperm question every three to four weeks.

34:53 Caller Yeah.

34:54 Bruno Campos I've never heard of lumpy urine before.

34:56 Adam Well, the lumpy urine, that's a twist.

34:57 Bruno Campos That's a little strange, right?

34:58 Drew Interesting that he's leaky.

35:01 Adam That is basically him not ejaculating for two weeks, so something comes out of his penis and the sperm's like, F it, I'm making a break for it. Now's my chance. This guy hasn't summoned me in two weeks. I see an opening. I'm going. Is that kind of the way that works? That's the way that works. That is classy.

35:23 All right.

35:24 Adam Kelly.

35:25 Hi.

35:26 Adam You're 25.

35:27 Caller Yeah. What's up?

35:29 I'm in a relationship like five months and starting to get serious. And three years ago, well, probably like six years ago, I was diagnosed with herpes and general warts and I'm not having sex with them. And I just want to know, how do I tell them? And, you know, leave the decision up to him.

35:50 Caller All right.

35:51 Adam Kelly sounds good and depressed. We'll snap around of it. Bruno Campos is here from Jesse, NBC, Thursday night, 830. We're going to take a little break. I'm going to go watch The Man Show. And that's that hit Comedy Central.

36:04 Drew Which episode is it, do you know?

36:07 Adam It's the good one. And when we come back, we'll speak to Kelly about how to break the news to her boyfriend after this.

36:34 This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

36:46 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew. Bruno Campos is our guest tonight. He's the good-looking Latin guy who lives on the other side of the fence from Christina Applegate and Jesse830NBC. Thursday nights that beat him on that right after Friends and before, Hotels on at 9, always to leave at 9. Let's see, you got your friends. Frasier. You know, the thing about my take on Frasier is well-written, well-acted.

37:19 Drew Well-placed.

37:20 Adam Well-placed. No, don't be a hard-ass, Drew. It's a good show. I'm not interested for some reason. There's certain things in life. There's certain performers, certain types of music, certain plays and things like that. I say, hey, this guy's a ball of talent. Not interested. I act on that with Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams, by the way. You guys are hugely talented. Please never do anything again. I just don't want to see anything you got to do.

37:47 Bruno Campos But I recognize you.

37:48 Adam I would not call them hacks. I would say they're both incredibly gifted, talented people who I just couldn't be less interested in.

37:58 Drew Just you.

37:59 Adam Yeah. And maybe they seem a little too interested in themselves, or maybe it's that they're amazingly gifted, but not quite as gifted as they think they are, or they do too much work, or I don't know what it is. I'll throw Billy Crystal into that lump too, which is very talented, very gifted. Please don't do anything else. I've got enough.

38:23 Drew Maybe it's overexposure even.

38:24 Adam Could be. It's that mixed with just something about them that doesn't attract me, whereas I'll watch Dukes of Hazzard until my head falls off, or they realize it's junk.

38:34 Drew You're just sort of putting your evaluative skills in context there.

38:38 Adam Well, I mean, but aren't we all that way? You know what I mean? There's food that's, you know, there's, I would rather have a corn dog than French food. French food.

38:48 Bruno Campos Can't stand French food. Okay.

38:50 Adam Or, you know, oysters on the half shell or something. I'd rather have 99 cents worth of corn dog than $28 worth of oysters. And I know the oysters better. I just haven't. I admit it. I like the corn dog. That's me. All right. So now it's time to go back to the show and speak to Kelly who's 25. Kelly is, she has herpes and she has warts. She's been with the guy for five months. Kelly?

39:20 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

39:21 Adam All right.

39:22 And I just don't know. We haven't had sex and this relationship seems different.

39:28 Adam Five months, no sex.

39:30 Drew What do you mean it seems different? What does that mean?

39:32 Seems like it could be serious and I never want to do anything to hurt him.

39:37 Drew Well, he's hung on for five months. Has the whole issue of physical relationship come up?

39:42 It's starting to just kind of like just sexual stuff and talking.

39:51 Adam Where are you calling from, Kelly?

39:54 Bruno Campos Wait, wait, wait.

39:55 Drew California? The middle of California.

39:58 Adam Did they outlaw trains in California around the turn of the century?

40:01 Drew Near the coast, yes.

40:02 Bruno Campos Gone.

40:02 I can't believe you can hear that.

40:04 Adam Oh, yeah. Listen, in Burbank, North Hollywood, there's a place called Travel Town where they just have trains so that kids who grow up in the valley can actually see what a train looks like. It's like, I remember as a kid, we'd go there and they'd go, see that? Yep. That's a train. Wow. What do you do with that? Oh, no. See, the track would keep going. Really? Yep.

40:26 All right.

40:27 Adam Let's go home. And then once in a while, we'd go somewhere and look at a cow, and it'd be the same sort of explanation minus the track, and then it's back to the valley. But they don't have trains around here.

40:38 Drew I was going to say, it's got to be somewhere in the central part of something.

40:41 All right.

40:41 Adam Well, Kelly, you tell us where you're calling from.

40:44 Fresno. Where? Fresno.

40:47 Drew Fresno. There you go.

40:50 Adam All right. So why haven't you guys become intimate in the five months? You're 25 years old.

40:59 Caller I think just more emotional and a friendship thing.

41:03 Bruno Campos Is that usual for you?

41:05 Caller No.

41:06 Bruno Campos No, usually you do it faster.

41:07 Adam Where do you think she got the herpes and the warts? Come on.

41:10 Caller Right.

41:11 Adam Yeah. Where are they?

41:12 Drew Nice and...

41:15 Adam Well, I mean, come on. And do you guys, do you kiss passionately?

41:21 Caller Yeah.

41:22 Adam You do? But it stops at a certain point.

41:25 Caller Yeah.

41:25 Drew It's not what's up with her. Women are fine with this kind of thing.

41:28 Adam No, I understand. But is he stopping or are you stopping him?

41:32 Caller I'm stopping and I have a kid so, you know, I've been kind of saying, well, you know, it's a hang up about my kid. But now it's time to, you know, just leave.

41:43 Adam Right. Okay. What's wrong with him, you know, putting the condom on anyway?

41:49 Drew And taking his chances.

41:51 Caller But I thought that it was skin to skin, like.

41:54 Drew Yeah. It can occur in other areas than on the penis itself, but it's certainly where a condom would decrease that risk substantially. Make sure you're not having an outbreak.

42:01 Caller So how would I do?

42:02 Drew And tell him. You just you got it. I don't know that there's any recipe for that.

42:08 Adam Tell him.

42:09 Drew But don't wait.

42:10 Bruno Campos There's no script for anything like this. Just flat out.

42:13 Adam Yeah, it's tough. First off, don't do it right before he enters you. That's a bad, bad thing.

42:21 Drew Would you let a guy get get a little momentum up first?

42:24 Adam Well, that's interesting, because once you get to, you know, once you get him revved up a little bit, you could tell him that you have, you know, a festering leave, you're an alien and you're in a swallowing hole, you have HIV, and that you just had a hernia surgery earlier that day, and he'd be like, I don't care, just let me in. So don't, but don't tell him right before.

42:47 Caller It's likely that he'll hit the brick, you know?

42:51 Adam No, no, he's not.

42:53 Drew It's hard to know.

42:54 Adam No, listen, if he's-

42:55 Drew Some guys freak out, they really-

42:57 Adam If he's into her, he's into her.

42:58 Drew But it depends on how unrealistic people are about these kinds of things. They completely are at the whim of the press and the media. To them, it's a devastation, as opposed to somebody who's willing to sit and listen and be realistic.

43:14 Caller Okay.

43:15 Adam Put the condom on. What about not saying anything until I put the condom on, you know? I've had someone do that to me before.

43:24 Drew And you just kept going.

43:25 Adam I was so grateful that they let me have sex with them. I wasn't about to mouth off.

43:30 Drew What if it had been HIV?

43:32 Adam Uh, hmm, probably would have punched a guy. I mean, a gal, a gal, a gal. Uh, you know, that would have been a little more grievous. Even then, I probably still, this is a few years ago, I wasn't a big celebrity. But that is in fact the point.

43:46 Drew Herpes and warts are skin rashes, basically. Skin conditions, they are not life-threatening conditions. It's a wholly different thing. People treat them like they're HIV.

43:54 Adam Okay, and listen, don't wait for this guy. This guy is not going anywhere. He's been there for five months. Scott?

44:00 Yeah.

44:00 Adam You're 25.

44:02 Caller Yeah, I got a problem. I live with my parents. And I'm getting married in May. And my stepdad and my mom...

44:11 Adam Scott, after you get married, your folks have to move out? Or how does that work?

44:14 Caller Oh, you know, I just got out of school too, and I'm just saving up to get married. Okay. Everything like that. But my stepdad and my girlfriend are always going out one another, you know, joking around and everything.

44:24 Drew No, what does that mean?

44:26 Caller Well, just like, you know, they just give each other a hard time.

44:29 Drew Joking around?

44:29 Caller Yeah, just joking around.

44:32 Drew We don't trust it.

44:34 Caller Well, I mean, he does it with like my sister's husband, you know, he just cuts up. All right. Okay, so she went to stay, she stays at my house like four nights a week when I'm there because she lives far off. Sometimes she'll stay when I'm not there and she went last night to stay there and he was like, what are you doing here? You know, you're not supposed to be here. It's mine. And, you know, my mom's time. He was just kidding with her, I assume. And she got mad and left and everything. Now I'm in this position like, it's always something like that, you know?

45:13 Adam Well, she didn't think he was kidding.

45:14 Caller Exactly. And now she's like mad.

45:17 Drew Now, is she kind of...

45:19 Adam Uptight?

45:20 Drew Yeah.

45:20 Caller Well, she said, she goes, Scott, you know, I know when he's kidding, I've seen him kid with me a hundred times and he didn't look the same and he didn't act the same.

45:29 Adam Well, listen, maybe he's not. I wouldn't be kidding either, by the way.

45:33 Drew Yeah, what's wrong with that?

45:34 Adam I'm guessing you guys aren't living in a five-story mansion. I bet you guys are on top of each other. It's irony of people who live together. The more people that live in a place, the smaller the place. It's a very sad reality of life. The bigger the place, the less people live there. Doesn't seem right, does it, Drew? No. Here's the point. If he's with your step mom or with your mom, and he's got you living there, your goofball friends coming in and out of the place, and then her coming over four nights a week, and you being 25, and you guys getting ready to be married and all, he's probably feeling like, hey, he could use a little space.

46:17 Caller I understand that completely.

46:18 Adam So, and oftentimes when people kid about things, they're serious.

46:22 Caller Yeah.

46:23 Adam When I call Drew an asshole, you know, it seems like I'm kidding.

46:27 Caller Yeah. Doesn't feel like it.

46:28 Adam No, it doesn't.

46:30 Caller I understand that completely. You know, I'm just trying to figure out a way because, you know, I've got my mom and dad over here saying, you know, she's lighting up this and that and then she's over here, you know, she's upset about it.

46:39 Adam Well, if in fact he was kidding, how about he, if he was kidding, shouldn't he feel bad? Shouldn't he say, oh, listen, you misinterpreted what I said.

46:47 Drew Apologize.

46:49 Adam What's that?

46:50 Caller Talk to her yet.

46:50 Caller All right.

46:51 Adam Will he talk to her?

46:52 Caller I mean, she'll be back up, you know.

46:56 Adam Tell her to relax and be careful because she's.

46:59 Drew Sounds like a little bit of energy.

47:01 Caller Yeah.

47:02 Adam She have energy with men.

47:03 Drew Where's her dad?

47:04 Caller Her dad, that's the whole another story. Yeah.

47:08 Adam He wasn't a great guy, was he?

47:10 Caller Actually, I mean, he's extremely wealthy and he was married to her mom.

47:13 Caller What'd he do?

47:15 Caller He divorced her mom and her mom obsessed over this man to the point of where it got her and her brother obsessing over him like he's just the greatest man to ever walk up straight, you know? So she's trying to get his approval.

47:30 Drew It's all this excessive stuff, whatever it is.

47:33 Adam Scott, just hear me and hear me good. She's got a little momentum with the guys. She's got some issues with the original daddy. And when you get married, you become daddy. So just be careful. Keep your eyes open, brother. If you got to push your wedding back six months, fine, you're 25. Meanwhile, work on getting out of the house. It'll alleviate this whole thing. We'll take a little break.

47:58 Caller We'll be back.

48:27 Adam It is Loveline. We'll take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the Fan Valley Show in just 10 seconds.

48:35 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

48:51 Adam Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Bruno Campos is here tonight from Jesse. Thursday nights, 8.30 on NBC. Bruno, of course, is a good looking guy who's in and out of Jesse's life. And as a matter of fact, so let's see. So about four or five weeks ago, no, three, four weeks ago, you were at, well, when were you at the, when were you at the, what's that place where they keep the pictures? Again, the gallery.

49:24 Drew The library.

49:25 Adam They're at the gallery. They got a big blowout over there.

49:28 Bruno Campos That was originally a year ago, but you probably saw it.

49:29 Adam Oh, I saw the rerun.

49:30 Bruno Campos You saw a rerun, yes.

49:31 Adam Son of a bitch. I knew the gallery looked, I knew the paintings looked a little stale. And then, let's see, the last two, three weeks ago, you guys were fighting again and you're standing out in the doorway.

49:46 Bruno Campos Yeah, but we fell in a bed together last week.

49:49 Caller Okay.

49:50 Adam All right.

49:51 Bruno Campos We go back and forth.

49:52 Adam Okay. And you proposed?

49:54 Bruno Campos I proposed the beginning of the season, yeah. Oh, wait a minute.

49:58 Adam I don't know. And she didn't say yes, though, did she?

50:02 Bruno Campos No, she said no. She turned me down.

50:03 Adam Oh, that bitch. Where is she going with that kid? Come on, Drew. She drives a Volkswagen bug. She's not going anywhere. She's working over at the Heidelbrau House.

50:15 Bruno Campos No, she's a nurse now.

50:16 Adam Oh, she's a nurse now.

50:16 Bruno Campos She's putting her life together, yeah. This is a quest for independence that she's on.

50:20 Adam I see. Well, her friends work over at the old Heidelbrau House and it's just between the kid and the, you know, she doesn't have a four-year degree. I think Bruno's about the best thing that's happened to her. Plus you with your acting career taking off and everything. I know I'm blurring the lines a little bit here. You're on your own success. Co-starring on a successful show.

50:41 Bruno Campos Sure, it's close, yeah.

50:45 Adam I'm doing the fourth wall there, Drew, and acting, that's what you call that. Amber?

50:50 Bruno Campos Yeah.

50:51 Adam I still haven't figured all that out. I did Craig Kilborn's show last night and I got that stage manager going, yeah, we need you to come down stage a little bit. Stage left, stage left and down stage a little. I'm still like, just point, would you? Because I don't know what down, what is this? When did the stage become a ship, by the way? That's their zone designation for different parts. Let's just keep with front, back, left, and right.

51:22 Drew You know, of course, where the up and down came from, it used to be raked, stages would be on a, because the audience would be flat, the stage would be raked. So they can see them in the back.

51:30 Bruno Campos They can actually go down.

51:32 Adam So upstage is bad.

51:34 Drew Yeah.

51:34 Adam But you know what's confusing is when somebody says this guy was upstaging me, you know what I'm talking about?

51:42 Drew Yeah. Well, making you be behind.

51:44 Adam Making you be, oh, upstaging you. He's pushing you back instead of you. Okay. Hey, Amber, none of this will factor into your adult life. We just wanted to work it out here. So what's going on?

51:58 Caller Okay. Well, I came home from dance on Tuesday afternoon, and there was a message on my answering machine, and it said, hey, Renee, baby, what's up? That's my mom. I need you to escort someone for me, give me a call, you have my number, by the way, I love those edible panties.

52:18 Adam Oh, no way. That had to be a goof, though.

52:22 Caller No, because I know all of my friends' voices.

52:25 Drew No, but it may be a goof on your mom.

52:26 Adam A goof on your mom.

52:27 Caller I know all of her friends' voices and stuff.

52:30 Adam Wow, you really have quite a catalog of people's voices.

52:33 Caller She's never home. So, like, her friends call and I'll take messages. Okay.

52:37 Adam All right. Yeah.

52:38 Caller I'm on the answering machine and I've been kind of suspecting something.

52:42 Drew Why is she never home?

52:44 Caller She's just out.

52:46 Drew You don't know what she does?

52:48 Caller What?

52:48 Drew You don't know what she does when she's out?

52:50 Caller It's like, oh, I'm going out with Mickey. I'm like, oh, is she coming to pick you up? Oh, no, I'm meeting her at the canyon or whatever.

52:55 Drew Who babysits you? Who stays with you?

52:58 Caller I'm 15. I can stay alone.

53:00 Drew How long have you been doing that?

53:03 Caller I don't know. A long time. Well, she started leaving me alone to go to the grocery store. When was that?

53:11 Drew How old were you when that started?

53:13 Caller I was like 12. She started leaving me home at night when I was about 13.

53:20 Adam Does she smoke those Capri cigarettes or Virginia Slims?

53:24 Caller Who? Me or my mom?

53:25 Adam Your mom.

53:25 Caller No, not that I know of.

53:26 Adam She doesn't smoke a long Slim cigarette?

53:28 Drew What have you been suspecting and why?

53:30 Caller Prostitution.

53:31 Caller I've been suspecting that she's been having another job like dancing or something.

53:36 Adam What is her first job?

53:38 Caller She's a pharmacy technician.

53:40 Adam Yeah, I can see the connection.

53:42 Caller Don't ask me. She was in construction, but she went back to school at 40.

53:46 Drew She was in construction?

53:48 Caller A pharmacy technician.

53:49 Adam Okay, so I like Amber's answer, by the way. Where is she going when she's leaving the house? She's going out.

53:58 Caller Yeah.

53:59 Bruno Campos Yeah. I think we have to establish, is she hot?

54:02 Caller My mom? Yeah. She's pretty. She's a very pretty lady.

54:05 Adam She's pretty. Did she have you when she was... Oh, well, wait a minute. She got out of construction at 40.

54:11 Caller Yeah.

54:11 Adam So, she's a no-spring chicken. How old is she now? Do you know?

54:16 Caller She's 42, but she's really pretty.

54:18 Drew That's still...

54:19 Adam All right.

54:19 Drew That's still cool.

54:20 Caller Work out together and stuff.

54:21 Adam All right, yeah.

54:21 Caller Like go to the gym like after school or before school.

54:24 Adam All right. So, you think by day she's a pharmacy technician and by night she's a prostitute?

54:32 Caller Well, I got the message on the answering machine and like for the past year and a half, like my cousin will call, hey, Ashley, you want to go shopping? Oh, here, honey, have 200 bucks, have fun. And then like I'll hear, oh, well, like, here, honey, this is the last of my thousand dollars to ask for the month or whatever. I'm like, where's all this money coming from? You only make $13 an hour.

54:50 Caller Okay.

54:52 Adam She doesn't work in the Los Angeles area, does she? No, because she's a white person. Yeah, they don't employ white English-speaking pharmacy technicians in the greater Los Angeles area. I've learned that since I've had to pick up prescriptions. And it's not even, it's not Asian, it's not Hispanic, it's that what I call Johnny Quest villain type ethnicity. Can't quite make it out. The Filipino meets a guy from Central America meets a Moroccan. And whatever it is, it ain't English. And there's a huge cultural barrier there. And somehow in your culture, you've offended them by approaching the counter and needing something from them. But be that as it may, Amber, and that's how I know she doesn't live around here. I'll tell you what, where's your dad?

55:45 Caller Oh, well, see, I lived with my dad. Like when I was 13, I got sick and tired of being left alone. Stuff with my dad. And then my boyfriend asked me out on my 14th birthday, and then on my 15th birthday, he gave me a promise ring, which was real. Like he gave me a half carat diamond ring. And my stepmom decided that I was being too serious, and she thought I was having sex and stuff when in reality, the farthest I've ever gone is kiss the guy.

56:10 Adam Really?

56:11 Caller She decided to kick me out of my dad's house. So I moved back down here.

56:14 Adam She did? Okay. Hey, Amber? All right. Here's, you're in a bit of a predicament. I don't think you're going to change your mom. I don't know. I know you're like one of these latchkey kids. And thank God you're not pregnant and strung out on drugs. You're smart. You're strong.

56:34 Drew I'll tell you that.

56:35 Adam Talk to your dad.

56:37 Caller He was sending me a message and he said, well, actually, there's nothing I can do about it. He was thinking about going through the whole emancipated minor thing. If I could do that, but I don't want to do that.

56:46 Drew Oh, God. Why can't he take you back?

56:50 Caller Well, my step mom is stupid like that.

56:53 Bruno Campos Oh, yeah.

56:54 Caller I don't want that kind. My step mom is a Jesus freak.

56:57 Adam Oh, boy. Let me tell you something. My dad was a world class pussy with that too. Got himself a step mom and then all of a sudden, it's like, here's the deal. You got some kids, they've been hanging around like asking for money and food for like 15 years and now you got some new poon tang. And you got to make, you know, you got to prioritize. What are you going with? You're going with the old, you're out with the old and in with the new. And it's like, it's not, I experience it. It's not like my dad took me out and beat me or anything. It was just like, I got this new chick and... Maintenance. Yeah, she's, I mean, she don't know you. I mean, she's all right with you. She's kind of lukewarm with the whole kid thing, but I don't want to piss her off too much. And you guys are getting old enough, aren't you? I mean, you can feed yourself and, you know, you should be taking off pretty soon.

57:44 Bruno Campos The dad would rather keep banging his new wife instead of taking the child away from a suspected prostitute what he thinks might be a prostitute.

57:51 Adam Yeah. Well, first off, this is the guy who married this woman in the first place. This is the guy who's letting the stepmom kick his own flesh and blood out of the house. I mean, this guy's a little shaky too. I'm saying that what Amber needs to do is study hard, spend as much time at school. And then after school, soccer practice is possible. She's on her own. And pretty much, yeah, but you can do it. I mean, a lot of my friends just is, you go home, you watch an hour worth of TV, you go to bed. You get up the next morning, you go to school, and you don't come home till 7 at night again after soccer practice. You ride it out a couple of years, you get a bunch of friends, you don't get on drugs, and you don't get pregnant, and you go off to college somewhere. Right. You ride it out. Your whole family just becomes some sort of a distant, embarrassing memory from the past. All right. Mariam.

58:47 Caller Oh, hi.

58:47 Adam You're 18.

58:48 Caller Yeah.

58:49 Adam What is up?

58:50 Caller Well, first, Drew, you're really hilarious.

58:52 Caller Drew.

58:54 Adam Drew Solaris?

58:58 Caller I'm just nervous. I've never talked about it.

59:00 Caller All right.

59:00 Caller Well, go ahead.

59:03 Caller I want to say hi to Bruno.

59:05 Caller Oh, hi.

59:07 Caller I just want to know if you're going to be in the upcoming movies.

59:10 Bruno Campos Not at the moment. The job is pretty full time, so not until things get...

59:14 Caller I love watching Jesse and I think you're really hot.

59:16 Bruno Campos Thank you, sweetie. Thank you very much.

59:17 Caller Also, I read an article once about you that you went to school in Bahrain.

59:22 Bruno Campos Yeah. Are you familiar?

59:23 Caller Yeah. Well, I went to high school there.

59:25 Bruno Campos Did you go to Bahrain school?

59:26 Caller Yeah.

59:27 Bruno Campos Wow.

59:28 Caller What year? Two years ago.

59:31 Bruno Campos Two years ago? No, I was long gone. I left in 88.

59:34 Caller Oh.

59:34 Adam But certainly, you saw, you certainly, you couldn't miss the statue they erected in Bruno's honor, could you? Right there in the middle campus? I don't want to see where the water was coming out.

59:44 Bruno Campos We actually, a lot of the same teachers are still there, so I'm sure that we know a lot of people in common.

59:48 Adam Hey, Mariam? Do you got a, oh, that was your question?

59:53 Caller Yeah.

59:53 Adam Oh, all right.

59:54 Bruno Campos Just a chat with me? Thanks, Mariam.

59:56 Caller You're welcome.

59:57 Adam Thanks.

59:58 Caller Okay, Brian?

59:59 Adam I promise they'll do a movie as soon as they go to hiatus. Is that what you go to? Yeah. And where's that place you keep the books again, Drew?

1:00:07 Drew Art gallery?

1:00:09 Adam Library, library. Again, no book in the title.

1:00:12 Drew What's that, Bruce?

1:00:12 Adam People must remember that.

1:00:14 Drew Adam's gonna be asking you for a role in your next movie.

1:00:16 Adam Yeah, when you get a movie.

1:00:17 Caller There you go.

1:00:19 Drew First thing, what you think about?

1:00:21 Adam We could pass ourselves off as brothers, couldn't we? You know, both at the sort of dark, mysterious, so good luck. Sure, sure.

1:00:30 Drew All right. You could play the evil one.

1:00:32 Adam Yeah, I'll play your evil twin. Ryan.

1:00:36 Hey, guys, what's up?

1:00:38 Adam You're 17.

1:00:39 Caller 17 from Michigan.

1:00:40 Adam What is that?

1:00:42 Caller First of all, I have two questions. One of them, like, I remember when you guys were jamming with John Popper.

1:00:45 Adam Yeah.

1:00:46 Caller I was just wondering what kind of effects you were using, man. It sounded great on the guitar there.

1:00:51 Adam Just, you know, your basic effects, right, Drew? I was playing a Strad.

1:00:57 Caller On like wah pedal or anything?

1:00:59 Adam No, no wah pedal.

1:01:01 Caller You were?

1:01:01 Adam No whammy bar, no nothing. Just pushing it right through an amp.

1:01:05 Drew Yeah, were you good?

1:01:06 Adam Oh, yeah. Well, if John Popper were here, he'd tell you. Do we have some of that?

1:01:11 Caller Nice. Yeah.

1:01:12 Drew Is this you?

1:01:13 Adam No, that's Drew playing the bass. John is playing the harp here. And that's me with the sort of shaft.

1:01:24 Bruno Campos That's kind of like BB King.

1:01:26 Drew There's that wallop pedal.

1:01:29 Adam Oh, did I have a wallop pedal?

1:01:30 Bruno Campos This is you too, isn't it? He's making the funniest face right now.

1:01:38 Caller All right.

1:01:40 Adam Thanks for that, Ryan.

1:01:42 Caller Yeah, it sounded good for you. I was playing on the spot like that.

1:01:44 Adam Yeah, well, Drew hasn't played in a while, but we'll have to know our way around a axe as I like to call it. I call my guitar my axe.

1:01:51 Drew What's going on, Ryan?

1:01:52 Caller All right. I am 17. Me and my girlfriend, we've been together for like two months. We're just like now, like begin like talking about sex and stuff. But she was raped when she was five years old by her brother and her cousin.

1:02:04 Drew That's not a rape, that's just sexual abuse. Yeah, like probably repeatedly too.

1:02:10 Caller From what she told me, she's like one time, and she was a little like, she like forgives her brother and all that. But I was like one, it's like she tells me she's like scared to have sex, but like I'm the person like she feels comfortable with or whatever. Well, I'm just wondering like, if I do something like, is there something like she's going to think like of me, like a flashback during it or?

1:02:28 Drew Yeah, there's such a thing.

1:02:29 Adam How old, how much older is her brother than her?

1:02:32 Caller Her brother, I think, is 19 and she's 17.

1:02:35 Caller Two years. All right.

1:02:36 Adam So it's not like he was 19 and she was five. No, no. Which is a total disaster.

1:02:42 Drew How does a seven-year-old rape?

1:02:44 Adam Well, a seven-year-old, I don't know. You know, he could have been 20.

1:02:48 Caller He did it with like 21 at the time, so.

1:02:50 Drew The cousin was 21?

1:02:52 Caller Yeah, and just, I don't know.

1:02:54 Bruno Campos So it was basically the cousin, not the brother.

1:02:55 Drew The 21-year-old and a seven-year-old raped someone?

1:02:58 Caller That's what she's telling me.

1:03:00 Adam Batman and Robin, come on, he's considerably younger.

1:03:03 Caller I mean, I don't know him personally, but he looks pretty young now, so.

1:03:07 Adam Okay, so, well, wait a minute now. So the cousin.

1:03:11 Caller Is the perpetrator.

1:03:13 Adam Yeah, who was the adult here?

1:03:15 Caller Yeah.

1:03:16 Adam Yeah, that ups the ante. Yeah. That's significant. Did the cousin ever bring charges up on him or anything?

1:03:26 Caller No, like, she kept it to herself, basically. I guess she was, like, afraid to tell her mom. I mean, she told, like, her friends, I guess, and everything, but as far as, like, she never, like, reported, because, like, she just won't, you know.

1:03:36 Adam All right. Hey, Ryan. Ryan.

1:03:39 Caller Yeah.

1:03:39 Adam Uh, you're asking a good question, and, you know, we're talking about emotional stuff here, but I'm going to give you some physical tips here.

1:03:47 Caller All right.

1:03:48 Adam Uh, here's the deal. You can't, have you had sex before?

1:03:52 Caller Uh, no.

1:03:53 Adam You haven't? Me neither. But I saw, I was reading this book, and, uh, here's what you can't do, all right, Ryan?

1:04:00 Caller Right.

1:04:01 Adam You cannot get on top of her and, like, pin her down in any kind of way. Okay? You can't, like, get on top of her and get her legs, like, you know, over your shoulders or something like that. You can't make her feel, uh, vulnerable that way. Uh, I think she's trying to get on top of him. I don't know why that's not a more used position, but women like that sort of freedom. They can dictate the pace. They can, uh, they can get out of there if they have to. You know, they see headlights coming up the driveway or something. You, she will probably not be comfortable with you sort of, uh, your full weight on her kind of thing. If she was a rape victim and a little skittish.

1:04:46 Caller Yeah, I'm saying I'll take it easy and everything.

1:04:47 Adam Very easy.

1:04:48 Caller Like, as far as she says she's scared of it, I just don't know what, like, that means.

1:04:52 Drew Well, I'm not sure she knows either, though. Yeah. You'll see.

1:04:55 Adam And be prepared to stop.

1:04:58 Drew Yeah. And be prepared to have a very profound attachment, uh, formed.

1:05:03 Adam Oh, boy.

1:05:04 Drew Yeah, she's not, she's not gonna go anywhere.

1:05:05 Bruno Campos And he's gonna be the hero now, isn't he?

1:05:08 Adam He's gonna be something.

1:05:09 Drew Yeah, he's gonna be all kinds of things.

1:05:11 Adam Yeah, he'll be like part dad, part cousin.

1:05:13 Drew Part reenacting the trauma to work creatively to try to make it OK.

1:05:18 Adam Part Santa, part tooth fairy. That's what I am to most women.

1:05:22 Drew Santa and tooth fairy?

1:05:24 Adam The combo between it, the Santa fairy they call me.

1:05:29 Caller Hi.

1:05:29 Adam Hey, you're 14.

1:05:30 Caller Yeah, um, um, this boy, I have like two questions. Is that OK?

1:05:36 Adam Yeah. All right.

1:05:37 Caller OK. I was wondering if it's possible to be in love at like my age. Everyone says it's puppy love and stuff, and I feel like it's real even though this is my first boyfriend. And I...

1:05:46 Drew It's more of an obsession at 14.

1:05:48 Adam Oh, but who cares?

1:05:50 Caller It's obsession, so it's not like real.

1:05:52 Adam Oh, well, let's call it real for now.

1:05:54 Caller All right, um, well, the thing is that I talk to him all the time, and I feel like I love him very much, and he's always putting me down and stuff, and I can't find it in myself to break up with him, because I feel like I need him there for me, and it's really hard because I have to sit there and take it. Like, he'll, it's not really bad. He just says stuff like, I'll tell him that I'm doing well or something. He'd be like, oh, right, or I wrote an English paper and I got an A on it, but you're not a good writer. How'd you do that? Like stuff like that.

1:06:30 Drew So, um, Crucifixion abuse.

1:06:33 Adam Yeah. My grandma was telling me about my learning disability today that I don't have.

1:06:37 Drew That's nice.

1:06:38 Adam It's a fun conversation. You do so have a learning disability. No, I don't. Why can't you read?

1:06:44 Caller All right, grandma.

1:06:46 Adam Yeah. Thank God we stopped dating. Hey, Christina. Did your dad ever tell you weren't so great? Or did he skip out? Or did someone make you not feel too good about yourself at some point?

1:07:01 Caller Well, I've never really had high self-esteem, but I...

1:07:04 Adam Why not?

1:07:05 Caller I don't know.

1:07:06 Adam Why did... Where's daddy?

1:07:09 Caller He was down the street from me, but I see him like once a year.

1:07:12 Drew Okay, well, there you go.

1:07:13 Adam Yeah. You mean he's three blocks away, but he only walks over once a year?

1:07:18 Caller I have to go see him.

1:07:19 Adam All right. There you go.

1:07:20 Caller Oof, oof.

1:07:21 Adam That's a lovely message.

1:07:23 Drew At the crack house.

1:07:24 Caller The crack house?

1:07:26 Adam Well, whatever they call that complex. Same one Bruno's living in.

1:07:29 Caller Um, well, I don't know how to break up with him because I feel like I can't really go if he's not there.

1:07:35 Drew Oh, boy.

1:07:35 Caller I don't know what to do.

1:07:36 Drew Yeah, you're going to relive all those early traumas again.

1:07:40 Adam I personally, when I'm in power, Bruno, and you'll be my foreign minister, I guess. I'll send you to Rio to keep an eye on the... Approve.

1:07:52 Bruno Campos Let's hypothesize.

1:07:53 Adam Go ahead. Yeah.

1:07:53 Bruno Campos When you're in power...

1:07:54 Adam This is true. I'm going to erect a giant boot to just kick all these guys in the nuts, these daddies who do these little girls. Daddies that don't pay attention to their boys. The kid grows up with a little chip on his shoulder or something, but he's all right. He can get past it. The girls, they're ruined. They become strippers. They get in a porn. They get hooked up with abusive guys. They can't get over that.

1:08:20 Bruno Campos And what makes these little guys tick that insist on putting these girls down?

1:08:25 Adam They have their own family issues, and they spot a good, vulnerable victim. They see somebody who's not feeling too good about themselves, and it's almost an intuitive thing. It's like how, it's how any, or not any, but 99% of criminals work, you know. It's how rapists work, you know. They find a chick, and they go, hey, get in the van, and let's go for a ride, or come here, or you're not going to stop me, or who's going to believe you. They find victims.

1:08:54 Bruno Campos Right.

1:08:55 Adam They find, because if you think about it, you can't pull that ass with strong, centered, you know, self-actualized people from strong families. The second you put your hand on their shoulder, they start screaming and punching in the nuts.

1:09:09 Bruno Campos Right.

1:09:09 Adam But some, but the ones that are become paralyzed and let you do what you want with them are people who come from this, who come from these types of dance. They don't feel like they're worth anything. And then if you don't feel like you're worth anything, then you'll do anything, anything anyone comes to do, you'll do.

1:09:27 Drew Right. You can't assert yourself. Well, yeah, and it's you.

1:09:30 Adam Go do it. You know what I mean? Just shut up and do it. So Christina has the right instinct to break up with the guy. And I think it'd be a very powerful move in her life to do that. And to start, you know, sort of asserting herself and gaining her dignity back. That this guy sort of either robbed from her, never bestowed upon her.

1:09:52 Bruno Campos I always find it amazing that people know that they're being screwed over. I mean, they so intellectually know that they're getting screwed over, that they're being mistreated, that they're being disrespected, but they emotionally are incapable of that strength.

1:10:06 Adam Right, because there's a sort of difference between knowing something and being able to act on it.

1:10:10 Bruno Campos Right, and the emotional power, the emotional center.

1:10:13 Adam Yeah, it's like being in a dream or something and knowing you're in it, but not being able to get out of it.

1:10:19 Bruno Campos It's not even you, yeah.

1:10:20 Adam All right, so Christina should break up the guy and maybe write daddy off, unfortunately.

1:10:26 Bruno Campos But breaking up with him, like she also, without getting a new guy like that, I mean, right, what step can she take to...

1:10:33 Adam Well, the first step I think she can take is breaking up with this guy, which will empower her a little bit and make her less likely to get an abusive new guy, a little bit.

1:10:42 Drew It's gonna make all that abandonment come right up and she's gonna fall, she's gonna crash.

1:10:47 Adam I'm saying if she breaks up with him, you know and I know that she won't break up with him if all that surge of abandonment is coming up.

1:10:55 Drew Yeah.

1:10:55 Adam All right, smart ass? Okay. Don't ever leave her.

1:10:58 Drew We're gonna break.

1:10:59 Adam Okay, Sheila?

1:11:00 Caller Yeah.

1:11:01 Adam You're 25.

1:11:03 Caller Pardon?

1:11:03 Adam You're 25 years old?

1:11:04 Caller Yes, I am.

1:11:05 Adam You're on medication to treat your sexual addiction? All right, hold on a second.

1:11:10 Caller Okay.

1:11:10 Adam That's a good place to take a break. Bruno Campos is here from Jesse, Thursday Nights, NBC, Right After Friends. We'll take a little break. We'll get back with Sheila's 25 and obsessed sexually and on drugs.

1:11:25 Caller You're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, I'll be right back.

1:11:54 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Bruno Campos is here tonight from Jesse, Thursday Nights, NBC, right after Friends. And when we left off, we're talking to Sheila.

1:12:10 Caller Hey. Hey. First, I think you guys are great. I think you have like really good insight to a lot of questions.

1:12:18 Adam Thanks.

1:12:20 Caller Well, I'm 25 years old, and I've been being treated for sexual addiction for about three years now. I actually spent 30 days in a sex clinic one time.

1:12:30 Adam But anyways, I'd like to spend a weekend in a sex clinic.

1:12:35 Drew You've been addicted to chemicals also?

1:12:38 Caller Well, some of it was audio, but that's not, it was more for your own protection. I mean, like the office with a doctor. It'd be like going to a doctor's office with a nurse, I guess.

1:12:48 Adam Hold on one second. Let's try to examine that last sentence and a half there.

1:12:53 Drew What did she say? Audio? Some of it was audio. You've been addicted to other substances. Some of it was audio, but that was for your own protection. Being like going to a doctor with a nurse. Wow.

1:13:06 Adam Maybe she's talking about music therapy or something. That's my guess. Okay, let's play a quick game. What the F was she talking about? It'll be the game. I'm going with she was referring to some sort of music therapy.

1:13:19 Drew I think she was answering you going to a sex clinic with her.

1:13:24 Adam Some of it was audio.

1:13:28 Drew I think I need another clue.

1:13:30 Caller No.

1:13:30 Bruno Campos Can we get another clue? That was just too bizarre for me.

1:13:33 Drew All right.

1:13:33 Adam Sheila?

1:13:34 Caller Yeah.

1:13:35 Adam What was your last sentence and a half? Some of it was audio.

1:13:40 Caller Well, I liked your second idea, but no, really, okay. Sometimes it is like audio tape, like with a tape recorder just for security, safety reasons. It's not like a kinky thing or anything else, but sometimes it's, you know, taped like your session would be taped with, you know, anyone. Sometimes it's on audio tape.

1:14:01 Drew Oh, at the clinic.

1:14:02 Adam I think that was a good enough clue. It still felt like a clue to me.

1:14:05 Drew Was that a clue? She somehow has gone off in a totally different tangent.

1:14:08 Adam Bruno, you know what she's talking about?

1:14:10 Bruno Campos I think she meant that she would be taped at the clinic.

1:14:12 Drew Her safety is maintained by surveillance when she's in therapeutic sessions.

1:14:17 Bruno Campos Is that true, Sheila?

1:14:19 Caller You're close, yeah. Very good.

1:14:22 Drew We don't know why you're talking about that.

1:14:24 Caller Well, because...

1:14:24 Adam Did we bring that up?

1:14:26 Caller Yeah, you guys brought it up.

1:14:27 Drew We did.

1:14:28 Adam We brought up personal safety in a therapeutic setting.

1:14:32 Caller Didn't you mention video?

1:14:33 Bruno Campos No. No.

1:14:36 Adam Oh, baby. Are you on anything now, Sheila? Besides...

1:14:42 Drew You know, what I asked was have you been addicted to other chemicals?

1:14:45 Bruno Campos To chemicals, right.

1:14:46 Drew That was the question.

1:14:48 Caller No, no. No, I drink occasionally, but, you know, I am 25, but no, does it have like a purpose? No, just socially, maybe...

1:14:56 Drew So you're not an addict, generally. You were a sex addict.

1:14:58 Caller Right. It doesn't make sense with medication because it is a serious thing.

1:15:01 Drew Really, you were a sexual compulsive then, right?

1:15:04 Caller Right. It's kind of like obsessive, compulsive disorder.

1:15:06 Drew Sheila, hang on. And you were sexually abused as a child?

1:15:10 Caller No, not at all.

1:15:12 Drew Hmm, interesting. So what was your sexual compulsion?

1:15:16 Caller Well, my sexual compulsion, I mean, it first started off when like, I was 17 when I first had sex, and I like totally loved this guy. So, and we ended up getting married and he was killed in a car wreck, and it's kind of come about then. I was 21 when that happened. That's been like four years ago. And it just kind of come back where I get like emotionally desensitized and it become like a once through like a sex thing for me. You know, where it got down to the point where monogamous sex or masturbation would not help with an orgasm. So I become addicted to like multiple partners at one time, like three or four partners at one time. I mean, I'd call it like scoring.

1:15:56 Drew Are you bipolar?

1:15:59 Caller Well, they have...

1:15:59 Adam Well, there's more than one pole in her life, if that's what bipolar is.

1:16:04 Caller Two poles?

1:16:04 Drew Multi-polar.

1:16:05 Adam Or the omni-polar?

1:16:07 Drew Are you bipolar?

1:16:08 Adam Are you poly-polar?

1:16:10 Caller I don't know. I know that if I am, you know, obsessive-compulsive disorder does accompany bipolar, but I have not been diagnosed with that.

1:16:17 Drew With bipolar, okay.

1:16:18 Bruno Campos Have you ruled out the relationship with dad?

1:16:21 Caller Pardon?

1:16:22 Drew I mean, this is sort of bigger than a single issue.

1:16:26 Adam How many times were you with multiple guys?

1:16:31 Caller Over the past, well, I have been in counseling, like I said, for about two years, but I have been dealing with the compulsion for probably, it got really bad about three years ago, but probably...

1:16:42 Adam I'll tell you, if we had a Loveline stenographer, she would come over there and just kick you right in the ass.

1:16:48 Drew Ask the question again.

1:16:49 Adam How many times would you reckon you've been with multiple guys?

1:16:53 Caller Probably 30.

1:16:54 Bruno Campos There you go.

1:16:56 Adam 30 plus.

1:16:57 Drew Yeah.

1:16:57 Adam And is it three, two, three, four guys?

1:17:01 Caller Right.

1:17:01 Adam Where do you meet these two, three, four guys? Do they know each other?

1:17:05 Caller Well, yeah, usually.

1:17:07 Caller I mean, it's just sometimes, I don't know, I get myself into this situation by, I don't know, like role-playing. I mean, one time I got into, I was at the, actually, the Ritz-Carlton for a weekend and I kind of walked past this guy, really good-looking guys. And they were like, kind of like businessmen. I went to the utility closet and come back out pretending like I was a maid in the room.

1:17:34 Adam I did that too. I did a black maid, a sort of takeoff on Gerald Dean. Got my ass kicked real bad.

1:17:40 Drew So Sheila, you've got a lot of different, this is not just sexual compulsion. There's a lot of stuff going on here.

1:17:45 Caller Exactly. But, okay, but here's what my...

1:17:47 Adam Did you use your real hair or did you use the mop handle, the mop top like I did for the hair?

1:17:53 Caller Was that you?

1:17:54 Adam Yeah, that was me.

1:17:56 Caller No, I used my real hair.

1:17:58 Drew Sheila, what's your question?

1:18:00 Caller What I'm looking for are like... I've been trying to be like abstinent for it now. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I've got 15 days and I'm trying to...

1:18:11 Adam Don't do that stand on my head.

1:18:14 Caller I'm trying to find like other options, other ways to try to get, you know, that part of me, you know.

1:18:24 Adam Okay. So maybe, maybe, you know, with the therapy and maybe look into some, what do you think, some, some pharmaceutical stuff there, Drew?

1:18:33 Caller They have me on like a, a pill that is supposed to help curve your cravings, I guess. And I do take that and it does help. But I mean, then there's still that.

1:18:43 Adam What is that pill?

1:18:45 Caller It's called Paxil.

1:18:46 Caller Right.

1:18:48 Adam Okay. Drew, what do you think?

1:18:50 Drew I understand her question. What is the question?

1:18:52 Bruno Campos I don't know.

1:18:52 Adam She's, she has, she, she has craving for penis and it's been 15 days. She's going to explode.

1:18:58 Bruno Campos There's also the fantasy, the role playing, the, the, the, the secret agent stuff going on.

1:19:03 Drew Here's the deal.

1:19:04 Bruno Campos The strangers.

1:19:05 Adam Yeah.

1:19:06 Bruno Campos There's a lot of different.

1:19:07 Drew She's got like four different diagnostic problems psychiatrically. I mean, she got a lot going on.

1:19:13 Adam Okay.

1:19:13 Drew She should have very comprehensive addiction compulsion treatment. She should go to a center that treats sexual compulsive spend. They have that? Oh, yes.

1:19:22 Adam 30 days and what?

1:19:23 Drew The Lamo program here in South Bay.

1:19:25 Adam How far is that from here?

1:19:27 Drew I'm, I'm working up to get you over there.

1:19:29 Adam What I'd like to do is just, I don't want to actually go in, but I'd like to park my van outside and see, see who makes it over the wall. You know what I mean? When I see the searchlights going around and the dogs parking, I'll just sit there at the van, and I'll be like Harriet Tubman. Freedom train, baby!

1:19:46 Drew Just based on her tangential thinking and her disorganization and all, some more pharmacotherapy might be appropriate for her. Very intensive work is necessary here over a long time, and I think a 12-step model would be an absolute necessity for this young lady.

1:20:02 Adam Carmella? Yeah? You're 21?

1:20:07 Caller What's up?

1:20:08 Caller Well, I've been thinking about getting breast enlargement for probably about four years now. And I just, you know, I want to know everything about it, you know, so I'm trying to, like, you know, getting on the Internet and looking up things and everything, and I just want to know, like, the sound. Yeah.

1:20:32 Adam I've done, I've been, I've been researching jugs on the Internet for quite some time, too. I don't know anything, though. I just, I know, I know the gals are good-looking, you know, and they got a nice, like, bikini line, a lot of them.

1:20:51 Drew What's your question for us?

1:20:52 Caller Um, well, what, what, what, it's actually probably for you, Dr. Drew. Um, if I go and get them done, what are the actual side effects that could happen to me?

1:21:06 Drew Well, what, what do you understand so far?

1:21:09 Caller Um, basically that, you know, they, they do leak. Um, I've watched things on, like, Jenny Jones and everything like that.

1:21:20 Drew Are you going to get saline or are you going to get silicone?

1:21:23 Adam Um, I don't believe you can get silicone.

1:21:25 Caller No, I don't think you can get silicone anymore. It would probably be either the soybean or the soybean.

1:21:32 Drew Or which?

1:21:33 Caller The saline.

1:21:34 Drew Okay.

1:21:34 Adam They have soybean now?

1:21:35 Caller Yeah, yeah, that's a new one.

1:21:37 Adam Oh boy. So if, like, uh, the plane crashed and you guys were up on the mountain, the guy, like, someone had to eat your breast?

1:21:47 Drew So go ahead and... It's interesting, Drew.

1:21:49 Adam Write that down. Good miniseries.

1:21:51 Drew And what do you understand the side effects to be?

1:21:53 Caller Um, that basically if I go and get the soybean, that if it leaks, it's not going to do anything to me.

1:22:02 Drew Well, how's the saline going to do anything to you?

1:22:04 Caller Well, you know, I'm just so nervous.

1:22:07 Adam Well, hold on. Saline is basically water, isn't it?

1:22:10 Drew What's in your blood?

1:22:11 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Is it like salt water or something?

1:22:14 Drew It matches what's in your system. Water can hurt you.

1:22:18 Adam Water would hurt you if it leaked in that area? All right. So saline wouldn't. So it's no problem with saline or soybean.

1:22:27 Drew So Carolla, you can die of anesthesia. You can have infections. You can have bleeding. You can have, things can encapsulate. They can move. They can, you know, you can have all kinds of complications. It is a surgery and it is an invasive procedure. But if you need to have it done, you're going to take those risks.

1:22:41 Adam Plenty of women do it and they come out one piece.

1:22:43 Drew But to go and study every single possible complication, right, doesn't make much sense because there's a million different things that can happen rarely.

1:22:53 Adam Don't you think she'd be better off trying to locate a reputable plastic surgeon?

1:22:57 Caller Yes, research that, absolutely.

1:22:59 Adam Instead of just a whole topic in general.

1:23:02 Drew Absolutely. Because you're not, it's not as though you're going to eliminate risk by studying what the risks are.

1:23:07 Adam Right.

1:23:08 Drew We got to go to break.

1:23:09 Adam We do? All right. Let me just say hi to Jack who's 21. He got set up with a girl who wants a serious relationship now. I won't get the point of how to deal. Hey, Jack.

1:23:19 Bruno Campos How are you doing? Good.

1:23:20 Adam Hang on a second. Okay. Too boring. Come up with something better than that. Something to bring us back.

1:23:27 Bruno Campos After the Sibyl case, that sounds.

1:23:29 Adam Yeah. Yeah. And the Baster case doesn't sound like one.

1:23:34 Caller Yes?

1:23:35 Adam You're meeting, oh, you're meeting much older men on the Internet?

1:23:40 Caller Yes.

1:23:40 Adam And having sex?

1:23:42 Caller Yes.

1:23:42 Adam And you're 14?

1:23:45 Caller I'll be turning 15 soon.

1:23:46 Caller Oh, that would be entirely.

1:23:47 Adam Well, then that's not a problem. What, how old are these guys?

1:23:53 Caller They're from 16 to 38.

1:23:56 Adam 16 to 38. Okay. Hang on a second, Vanessa. Don't have any sex.

1:24:00 Bruno Campos Are we talking cyber sex or she goes out and meets them?

1:24:02 Adam Are you actually physically having sex? Yes. Okay, hold on. Wow. Good question there, Bruno. Bruno Campos is our guest tonight from Chess. We'll take a break and when we come back we'll get to Vanessa, who's having sex with old guys.

1:24:28 This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

1:24:43 Adam It is Loveline. Bruno Campos is our guest tonight from Jesse.

1:24:48 Bruno Campos Jesse.

1:24:50 Adam He's a good looking Latin guy. He lives on the other side.

1:24:54 Bruno Campos No problem.

1:24:55 Adam Other side of the fence. Although he just seems like he lives closer. That's just me. I really had the fancy thing going. Couldn't you move above the garage?

1:25:04 Drew No, I can't.

1:25:06 Adam That'd be good for next season. Yeah. Bruno's character is an artist. He's one of these TV guys. He's good looking, but he doesn't know he's good looking. That's the thing about TV. Lots of good looking single chicks. Lots of good looking single guys. People that are funny.

1:25:24 Bruno Campos That's the thing about Hollywood, isn't it? That's the thing about Hollywood.

1:25:28 Adam Hollywood has a lot of ugly people who think they're good looking. It's really just the opposite. But sitcoms are a lot of really hot looking Jennifer Aniston types who can not get a date. They just can't seem to drum up a guy. Now here's the thing that I always like if you want to know the truth and here's how it works. Oops, like in certain movies, like you take a James Bond movie, right?

1:25:57 Caller Yeah.

1:25:58 Adam And you go, okay, well, this beautiful Tia Carrera.

1:26:05 Caller Sure.

1:26:05 Adam She plays Carrera. I swear it's Carrera. But anyway, Tia Carrera plays this physicist who's, she's the foremost expert in Russian ballistic technology. And she has to team up with James. Now you go, well, how does a chick like that learn so much about geometry and in ballistics? And then you think to yourself, wait a minute, what does Tia really do for a living? And then you go, well, she's an actress and a model. And then you go, that's how you know. And then you go, Jennifer Aniston, can't get herself a date, but try she might on this sitcom. And then you go, who's she dating in real life?

1:26:48 Caller Brad Pitt.

1:26:49 Adam Okay.

1:26:50 Bruno Campos So what's your point, Adam? It's not real?

1:26:51 Adam There's your answer. There is your answer.

1:26:54 Bruno Campos Did we just conclude it's not real? It's all make-believe?

1:26:56 Adam Can't meet a guy dating Brad Pitt.

1:26:59 Bruno Campos It's the inverse, it's the inverse law.

1:27:01 Adam That's what you need to know about the sitcom world. I swear to God, if I was writing that thing, I said, don't date Brad Pitt. You make us look like idiots. We're going to hook you up with somebody.

1:27:11 Bruno Campos There should be a clause, yeah.

1:27:13 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm going to put in there. No, you cannot, you have to stay...

1:27:17 Drew We select your dates.

1:27:17 Adam You have to stay away from the top three of Hollywood's leading hunks.

1:27:22 Caller Right.

1:27:23 Adam Vanessa?

1:27:24 Caller Yeah?

1:27:24 Adam You're 14.

1:27:26 Caller Yeah.

1:27:26 Adam Alright, so you're meeting guys on the internet. You're having sex with them. And you met a guy's oldest, 38?

1:27:37 Caller Um, I didn't meet him on the internet, though.

1:27:39 Drew But you're still carrying on like this with a little older man. So, what's this all about?

1:27:44 Caller Huh?

1:27:44 Drew What's this all about?

1:27:45 Adam Oh, boy. She's not going to answer that. Where's your dad?

1:27:50 Caller Um, in Ohio.

1:27:52 Adam And where are you?

1:27:54 Caller Arizona.

1:27:55 Adam Arizona.

1:27:56 Caller Yeah.

1:27:57 Adam And when's the last time you saw your dad?

1:28:00 Caller This summer.

1:28:01 Adam You see him once in summer?

1:28:02 Drew This is, Adam, this is some...

1:28:04 Caller He's down here. He's starting a business, so he came down here because he was taking a boat out to California.

1:28:13 Adam I see.

1:28:13 Drew A boat?

1:28:14 Adam From Arizona?

1:28:15 Caller About two days.

1:28:17 Adam Taking a boat out from Arizona to California.

1:28:19 Drew That's interesting.

1:28:20 Adam Isn't he going to run in the Hoover Dam at some point? And Vanessa, did anyone ever touch you or do anything to you that you didn't like?

1:28:31 Caller Well, like...

1:28:33 Drew Big time.

1:28:34 Caller The first time that I ever did any kind of sexual act was with a 19-year-old that...

1:28:43 Drew How old were you?

1:28:44 Caller I was 14.

1:28:46 Adam 14?

1:28:47 Caller Yeah.

1:28:48 Adam Nothing before that?

1:28:49 Caller Uh-uh. Come on.

1:28:51 Adam Is he a stepdad? Do you have a stepdad?

1:28:53 Caller Now I do, yeah.

1:28:54 Adam Now you do. And is he recent, your stepdad? Is he a new addition to the family?

1:29:01 Caller Not really, no.

1:29:02 Adam Oh. So why do you say, now I do?

1:29:07 Caller I don't know.

1:29:08 Adam Sorry to confuse you. How long has your stepdad been around?

1:29:12 Caller I think since 95.

1:29:16 Adam All right. Is he a good guy?

1:29:20 Caller He is, but I don't like him.

1:29:22 Caller Why?

1:29:24 Caller The way he talks to me is...

1:29:27 Adam What's he say?

1:29:30 Caller He's called me like stupid before and...

1:29:33 Adam He's called you what? Stupid.

1:29:35 Caller He's called me stupid before.

1:29:38 Caller And he just like, whenever he talks to me, he always gives me this lecture.

1:29:46 Caller And it's not...

1:29:48 Adam Okay. And how old were you when your dad left?

1:29:54 Caller Um, I was like maybe two years old.

1:29:59 Caller Okay.

1:29:59 Drew Do you remember your childhood?

1:30:01 Caller My mom, my mom took my sister and I.

1:30:05 Caller Why?

1:30:07 Caller Well, my dad was supposed to, we were all supposed to start a new life.

1:30:13 Caller Right.

1:30:13 Drew What was wrong with your old life?

1:30:16 Caller Well, my mom says that, that like, my dad, he was just like, like before he did anything, he had to check with his parents first. Like before he bought a car, he had to, he had to check with his parents.

1:30:30 Adam Okay.

1:30:31 Caller All right.

1:30:32 Adam Well, Vinnet, this, we don't have enough time for this, Drew. Here's, here's the point. This is a very, very dangerous behavior, engaging.

1:30:39 Drew Major out of line behavior, Vanessa. Major, major.

1:30:41 Adam Can you, can you stop this?

1:30:43 Drew You are really going to get hurt badly. You are harming yourself.

1:30:48 Adam We don't know why you're doing it. There's probably more here than you're telling us, but we don't have enough time to get into it. And it's hard to get answers out of you.

1:30:57 Bruno Campos She sounds exceptionally haunted, isn't she?

1:30:59 Adam Yes. So, Vanessa, please, can you find Jesus Christ?

1:31:06 Caller Okay.

1:31:07 Adam I mean, go visit a local prison. I think Jesus is in there. Everyone goes to the prison, finds Jesus. Can you do something other than have sex with older guys?

1:31:15 Caller All right.

1:31:16 Drew Can you talk to somebody at schools or a counselor, a teacher, anybody you can get involved with to begin talking about this problem?

1:31:23 Caller I've been trying to talk about it.

1:31:26 Caller To who?

1:31:31 Adam Okay. Vanessa?

1:31:32 Caller Yeah?

1:31:33 Adam I'm sorry, but you don't talk fast enough. And this is a radio show. Okay?

1:31:40 Caller All right.

1:31:40 Adam I know you're sad. I know you're depressed. I know you're uncomfortable. The first thing you need to do is just stop it. I don't know if that sounds naïve.

1:31:47 Drew The second you got to get some treatment. Yeah.

1:31:49 Adam There's something going on. And listen, everyone who calls this show, you have to talk. I'm sorry. I don't want to be a prick. I know you're young. I know you're hurt. I know you're confused. But when we ask you questions, you have to answer them. And we have to be able to have a fluid conversation.

1:32:05 Drew Yeah. And I'll tell you what, it's interesting. Vanessa sort of raises an interesting point for me is that young people look for solutions to their pain. And Vanessa thinks she's found her solution. Right? I have sex with older guys. Makes me feel better in that moment. I'm solving my problems.

1:32:21 Adam Right.

1:32:21 Drew But the solutions you guys pick are in fact intensifying your problems.

1:32:25 Adam Oh.

1:32:26 Drew And they become the problems.

1:32:27 Adam I wish. Well, it's like saying, I'm out of money. Instead of getting a job, I'll just put a third mortgage on the house. You may have your money, but you're digging yourself in deeper.

1:32:38 Bruno Campos Yeah.

1:32:38 Adam And that's good, right?

1:32:41 Bruno Campos That's great. Why you go up there?

1:32:43 Adam I don't know why I'm going up there. Because you won't get rid of those old bills. Yeah. Why do you leave that number floating then? Get rid of that. Please make fun of me, please. All right. I was thinking about those kids at Drew's party today, and I realized, I was saying to Drew, you know, buy seven. That's it. It's sad.

1:33:01 Drew What?

1:33:01 Adam It's sad. I can tell the good-looking kids and the fat kids and the stupid kids and the smart kids, I got them all figured out by the seven.

1:33:08 Drew I can fit in. You didn't tell me that part.

1:33:09 Adam Yeah, they're all on the fence. They go either way. With intervention, I think there's still time to save at least two of them. Drew has beautiful, I mean, Drew's kids, they do not spend a lot of time around Susan. I mean, they're really, they're wonderful. I don't know. I want to talk to that nanny, because she's doing a wonderful job with those kids, Drew. They're well-mannered. They're intelligent. They're outgoing. I mean, they're really good kids. I mean, they're amazing. And all these...

1:33:40 Bruno Campos You seem so shocked, then.

1:33:42 Adam I am. They're like, excuse me. And as I was saying to Drew, they work may into a lot of sentences, which you do when you're a kid. When you're a kid, at least I grew up this way, and I know Drew did, too, they beat that may into it. Like, you go, can I have another hot may? May I have another hot may? May? Yeah, I have nightmares. Yeah, the can is like, you get beat over the head with the may. Then when you get older, it disappears. It's right, it went out with the metric system in 77. It's like, you better say may. Now, I think if you said to someone, may I have another? They'd go, all right, Your Highness. What's up with you?

1:34:30 Drew It's funny, Adam was walking around through his kids and I go, Adam, this is the little Lord Fauntleroy School of Albino Hemophiliacs that you always referred to.

1:34:37 Adam That was the school Drew went to when he went to private school.

1:34:40 Drew He goes, his kids are good stock. His kids are good stock.

1:34:44 Adam Good-looking kids. And it was like they were filming some sort of colors of Benetton thing over there. They had the Asian kid and the Black kid and the Malato kid and the Hispanic kid, the Albino kid. One of everything. Was there some cut? Did you have to throw a few white kids out so you could get a couple Malato kids in? It was quite a mixture.

1:35:08 Drew I didn't, you know, it's funny. It's funny, actually funny, because I don't notice that.

1:35:12 Adam It was like you were filming a commercial. That's interesting.

1:35:15 Drew I don't think my kids would notice that.

1:35:16 Adam Represent a little something each.

1:35:18 Drew That's good.

1:35:19 Adam Everyone, all the kids smart and good looking and well mannered. I had to get their attention by yelling at them at one point with the, you know, see.

1:35:29 Drew Settle down.

1:35:30 Adam Kids don't listen to women. That's the thing. They do tests. They do tests where women say like quiet, you know, when they're driving the minivan, quiet, quiet, quiet. The kid don't do it. They need the male voice. Drew's wife was standing up on the fireplace yelling for a half hour. Nothing. Please, please, please. I just said, settle. And all the kids turned and they all turned and looked. One of them wet. One of them, one of them number two.

1:35:55 Caller All right.

1:35:56 Adam We, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be back after this.

1:36:02 Caller The phone number for Loveline is 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:36:06 Caller Loveline, I'll be right back.

1:36:19 Adam Well now.

1:36:31 Caller Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Wednesday, November 10, 1999