Episode 1000754888339

0:01 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:04 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

0:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

0:12 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

0:15 Voiceover Loveline.

0:18 Voiceover Hey, there we go. Hey, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew's a board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. James Marsters is our guest tonight. He is from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He plays Spike, the goth vampire. Your first two seasons, you kind of made guest appearances, right?

0:51 James Marsters Yeah. I was supposed to die after five, after three to five episodes. But instead, they put me in a wheelchair.

0:58 Adam But as a vampire, aren't you already among the dead?

1:02 James Marsters Yeah. Yeah. But die as in unemployment. Die as in a bust.

1:05 Adam Oh, I see. Yeah. It's a Hollywood term. And now your back is a regular, which is kind of a nice compliment, I guess.

1:14 James Marsters Yeah. Yeah. I get a bigger place to sleep. Thank God. No. Long-term employment is something that I've never had before.

1:23 Adam So well, how does that work? I mean, do who gets you back? Do the fans get you back? Do the do the producers get you back? Who decides you should come back after being, you know, after having a guest starring role to a regular role?

1:41 James Marsters I think it would be different for different shows. I think I think Josh likes to know what the fans like, but I don't think he really gives a damn. You know, I think he likes to do what he wants to do. I think the fans really liked me. And that's great, but he makes a story that he wants to tell at the beginning of the season. He just sticks to that.

1:57 Drew And so you just happen to be included in the story?

1:59 James Marsters Yeah, exactly. It just really kind of...

2:01 Drew Luck.

2:02 James Marsters It was good for him to have Spike in there for the story.

2:06 Adam Right.

2:06 James Marsters And so I'm lucky. You know, the bleached hair worked.

2:09 Adam Wednesday night, 8 o'clock.

2:12 James Marsters Tuesday.

2:12 Adam Oh, what am I looking at? Wait a minute.

2:15 James Marsters I have them watching Dawson's Creek.

2:17 Drew Well, that just ripped some... Wednesday at 8, it says here.

2:19 Adam Wednesday at 8.

2:20 James Marsters Well, watch that too.

2:21 Drew Tuesday at 8.

2:22 Adam All right. Well, turn it on Tuesday at 8 and don't turn it off.

2:25 James Marsters Just solder the TV on a WB.

2:27 Drew All right. Hey, Anima, it's a guy named Jeff Bakersfield sent a nice article by Dr. Schlesinger. Excuse me. Doctor's not the right term, is it? Laura Schlesinger wrote about the morning after pill. What is going on?

2:41 Adam What did it say there, Drew?

2:43 Drew Again, you know, this business about it being an abortive drug that causes abortion, that prevents implantation. Guys, it prevents abort, it causes abortion about as likely as anti-inflammatory medicines like Vioxx and Cerebrox do. Cerebrox, rather.

2:59 Adam There. Drew, you really know how to make a point.

3:01 Drew The same as the regular birth control pill, which also has a finite possibility of altering endometrium. I mean, it's just bizarre.

3:08 Adam All right. Well, Drew, get to the point in the article where she states it's an abortion pill.

3:13 Drew Oh, she says it all over here. I mean, it's like 10 times it says it. And then it has pharmacists coming to turn it in a sort of a.

3:20 Adam And what is her ultimate point?

3:22 Drew All her point is that how Dare Plant Parenthood come out in favor of this product. It's obviously an abortive pill. That they're hiding the truth from the public.

3:30 Adam Just a clue in our listeners and possibly our guests to this morning after pill. And I have to pardon my partner, Dr. Drew over there. He likes to come out left field with bizarre points. This is a morning after pills combination of birth control pills you take, like if the condom breaks, somehow if some semen gets spilt in you.

3:51 James Marsters It's birth control.

3:52 Drew It's birth control. It is. That's it.

3:55 Adam It's the only birth control you can use after sex, but you only have three days. Basically, that's the way I would... Well, people think it's an abortion pill.

4:06 Drew Because it's after sex.

4:08 Adam Because it's after sex, but it's not an abortion pill, and that's where the trouble comes. Now, I don't care if it was an abortion pill. I wish there was a pill you could take to kill the kid when he was ten. That's what I want. I'd like to take a pill and kill some of these kids while they're in junior high.

4:23 Drew I know that's your thing, but that doesn't help my argument. I mean, she goes on, she goes, according to the Food and Drug Administration, the pill works by delaying or inhibiting ovulation, altering tubal transport of sperm. Well, there you go. That's how it works. And maybe altering endometrium.

4:38 Adam All right.

4:38 Drew Please.

4:39 Adam Drew, listen, the woman's only a doctor because she's had 200 facelifts, and has spent more time under the surgery light than the actual surgeons have. I'd like to look into all these so-called doctors on radio and television, by the way. How many of them? Where they went to school? What kind of degree they graduated with? Where did you go to school? Me? North Hollywood High. Good. I'm a proud Husky. That's right. I'm going back to get my diploma any day now. Any day. Uh-oh. Hold on a second. What are you doing?

5:11 Drew There's the numbers here.

5:12 Adam I can't see. Drew, you're supposed to put your stick on up there.

5:16 Drew I couldn't find the stickers. I told you. You handed me the piece of paper.

5:19 Adam You said you wanted to write some down.

5:21 Drew The number is down.

5:22 Adam You were looking at your computer. That's what I thought you were talking about. All right. Joe?

5:26 Here. Joe? Yep.

5:28 Adam What's up? You're 29.

5:30 Caller Yeah. My question is, you know, I have to go for a jog and...

5:36 Adam God forbid you get up, Drew, by the way, and go get your goddamn stickums.

5:39 Drew Hey, I was looking all over the place for them.

5:41 Adam I was looking all over the place, except for you weren't getting out of your chair.

5:44 Drew No, no. I looked all through where they usually are.

5:47 Adam You were scanning. You weren't looking.

5:49 Drew Before you got here. I got here 10 minutes, 15 minutes before you did.

5:51 Adam Oh, shut up. You were on your computer. You didn't go anywhere. Joe?

5:54 Caller Okay. So you go for a jog and you work up a sweat. And is it normal for your balls to be colder than your body temperature? Like your chest feels cold?

6:06 Drew It's supposed to. They're cold. That's why they're positioned the way they are.

6:09 Caller Okay. The problem is that this is like continuous. And I'm wondering why that is. I mean...

6:17 Drew You mean cold to the touch?

6:18 Caller To the touch. Yeah. It doesn't seem normal.

6:22 Drew I beg your pardon. What was that noise?

6:23 Adam I don't know what that noise was. I don't want to know. He brought up some TV dinner.

6:27 Caller It doesn't seem normal because I'm talking like all the time.

6:33 Adam Okay. Cold... Let me ask you, Joe. Is it painful to wear them cold or just to touch them cold?

6:44 Drew To wear them cold?

6:45 Adam Well, I mean... I see.

6:48 Drew Are you aware that they're cold?

6:49 Adam When your nose gets cold, you know it's cold, but if you touch it, it doesn't bother you that it's cold. It's the fact that it's on your face.

6:55 Caller Right.

6:58 Adam I don't know. Hey, Joe, who cares?

7:00 Drew Is it possible you just noticed they were cold and that's just the way they've always been and now you're just preoccupied because you noticed it?

7:05 Caller Okay.

7:06 Drew Okay. Joe, you're 29.

7:07 Adam Joe, what do you do for a living?

7:08 Drew You should be busy enough that you don't have time to be testing the temperature of your testes.

7:12 Caller That's right.

7:12 Adam I have no idea what the temperature of my balls. I'm too busy.

7:16 Caller Okay. Does taking LSD have anything to do with, like, shrinkage of your genitals?

7:25 Drew No, it doesn't, but it certainly can have a lot to do with obsessive preoccupation. That's right. So that's what we're doing.

7:32 Adam There you go, Joe.

7:33 Drew The screwed up thinking is what that causes.

7:36 Adam Can you stop taking the LSD, Joe?

7:39 Caller Okay. I can try.

7:41 Adam Yeah, why don't you try? Where are you working, Joe?

7:44 Caller I'm a handyman.

7:45 Adam Oh, boy. That's a euphemism for a child molester. Yes, it is.

7:52 Drew A beard.

7:53 Adam Joe, yeah, you don't do anything, Joe. Come on. Okay. You go monkey around with someone's toaster and then put one of the numbers that fell off of the front of their house and their address back up the next day. Come on now, start focusing. You're 29 years old. Enough with the LSD and the nut temperature. Let's get busy. You hear me? Yeah. All right. There we go. Oh, boy. He'd be on my list too. Take a pill, get rid of Joe. Quinn?

8:20 Caller Yeah.

8:22 I want to know if animals masturbate.

8:24 Adam Yeah, actually. Quinn, you're 13.

8:28 Caller Yeah.

8:28 Adam Did you have a bet with somebody?

8:30 Caller No.

8:31 Adam No. Okay.

8:32 Caller I just wanted to know.

8:33 Drew Well, what do you think those dogs are doing when they grab on to your leg?

8:37 Adam Well, but they're not doing it to themselves. Well, they kind of are.

8:41 Drew They are.

8:41 Adam Well, they're using you.

8:42 Drew They don't actually have hands out thumbs and things, right?

8:46 Adam Well, that's a semi-valid point my partner makes.

8:49 James Marsters No, we're just human beings can masturbate very well.

8:52 Drew Well, that was why the thumb was evolved, right? Wasn't it?

8:57 Adam In my family, yeah. I can't speak for the rest of the civilization.

9:00 James Marsters No, there's a tribe of monkeys that exchange sexual favors.

9:04 Caller The poor social.

9:06 Drew Bonobo.

9:07 James Marsters Yes.

9:08 Drew Bonobo.

9:09 Adam Yeah, something like that.

9:10 James Marsters I'll go with that. But yes.

9:12 Adam Yes, Quinn. It's all right. You can use that argument when your parents confront you, when your religious parents attack you. All right, Quinn?

9:20 Caller Well, they're not religious at all.

9:22 Adam Okay. But it's still a decent argument.

9:26 Caller Okay.

9:26 Adam They don't do it four times a day and say they're sick and can't go to school.

9:30 Drew Is this that song, birds do it, bees do it? They're talking about it? Just, hey, mom.

9:35 James Marsters I would imagine if the animal had an appendage long enough to do it, it probably does.

9:39 Adam Hey, Quinn?

9:40 Yeah.

9:40 Adam No, you're fine.

9:42 Okay.

9:42 Adam It's all good.

9:43 Caller Like, do dogs suck their...

9:46 James Marsters Totally.

9:48 Adam They lick their nuts. I don't know. You don't hear about them giving themselves the hummers, though, do you?

9:54 Drew No. I don't know. No.

9:56 Adam No. They don't. Why is that?

9:59 James Marsters Absence of lips.

10:00 Adam Talk about stupidity. Yeah. Well, maybe it is.

10:03 James Marsters A dog can't suck out of a straw, either, you know.

10:05 Adam It can't?

10:06 James Marsters No, it doesn't have the lips.

10:08 Adam Yeah, but it's got those flappy, jowly things. Seems like they could get a seal.

10:12 James Marsters They could get a seal going.

10:13 Adam You don't think so?

10:14 James Marsters No, no.

10:15 Adam You think if you put a dog in a cage, and you put some water on the other side of it, and you just put a straw there, they couldn't get it? You know what I mean?

10:22 Drew No way. No, they can't lick it for hours.

10:24 Adam Really?

10:24 James Marsters They can't pucker.

10:26 Adam I think it's just because they're stupid. I think they could do it.

10:29 Drew But this suggests that maybe the dog's sexual drive is not as high as the human's.

10:33 Adam Well, it's interesting.

10:34 Drew Because you take a male dog, and you'd figure it out. Yeah, a male human would stray.

10:39 Adam Oh, absolutely.

10:40 Drew Or you'd mess your house or something.

10:41 Adam That'd be a three-day work week.

10:43 James Marsters You know, maybe it's just that nobody was intended to suck their own dick. Because a human being has the lips but not the backbone, whereas a dog has the backbone but not the lips.

10:52 Drew So, God is saying something.

10:54 Adam Interesting. Although, it would be nice to create some sort of super-hybrid animal with no backbone and lips. Jack?

11:03 Caller Yeah?

11:03 Adam You're sixteen years old.

11:06 Caller Yeah, I've kind of got two things.

11:08 First, my little brother, he's like a cross-dresser. He loves to wear girls' clothes. And I'm wondering if that's going to make him gay when he grows up.

11:15 Adam How old is he?

11:16 He's five years old.

11:18 Drew That's kind of normal. You mean he takes mom's clothes and throws them on?

11:22 Well, yeah, I've got two younger sisters and he puts on their clothes.

11:25 Drew Yeah, that's not that uncommon. It doesn't necessarily mean it's going to become a fetish. And it certainly doesn't specifically say anything about sexual orientation.

11:34 Caller All right. And another thing I found...

11:37 Adam Well, it's not the greatest omen in the world.

11:40 Drew Well, theoretically, there's theory about this. One is that somehow a kid around the age of three to six develops a certain amount of shame about himself. And that shame becomes focused on the fact that he's a boy. And so he sort of tries compensating for that by being like a girl. Maybe the mom will love me then if I'm more like a girl kind of thing. That's sort of the theory behind this.

12:01 Adam That's retarded. Jack? What's up with you? You're 16. You sound like you're 11. How are you doing in the male department?

12:09 Caller I'm okay.

12:10 Adam You all right?

12:11 Yeah.

12:11 Adam You got hair?

12:12 Yeah.

12:13 Adam All righty.

12:14 All right.

12:14 Adam What's your next question?

12:16 Well, it's not really a question. I found a commercial that MTV did for Loveline like way long time ago in 1996.

12:23 Adam Really?

12:23 So they really did do one.

12:25 Drew No way.

12:25 Adam They did one?

12:26 Drew No way.

12:27 Adam Where'd you find it? In the library?

12:29 Caller No, I was...

12:30 Adam You didn't see it on TV.

12:32 No, I was going through my old videotape. I just happened to have it on a tape.

12:35 Drew Were we in it?

12:37 No.

12:37 Drew Yeah, okay. That's good.

12:40 Adam I once defied anyone to find me a commercial. Dr. Drew and myself have the only TV show that I'm aware of that has no advertising. Zero. On the station that it's on.

12:54 Drew Has never had.

12:55 Adam Forget about billboards or bus stops or any of that nonsense. We don't have promotions on MTV. I mean, Loveline has never had a commercial. We've never done a commercial. There's never been any kind of on air campaign ever. And sometimes I sit and I think about it and I try to think, what other show doesn't advertise its own show?

13:17 James Marsters Yeah.

13:17 Adam And the answer is Loveline, everybody. And that's why I hate MTV, by the way.

13:23 James Marsters It's a bold experiment.

13:24 Adam Yeah. And it actually worked out. Hey, the show's, you know, done well. It's been popular and you don't have to advertise on it. But I still hate MTV for that, by the way, and resent them very much for that. Even though John Miller got me in the Beer of the Month Club. Now I get 12 pack of exotic beer every month. Yeah, that was kind of nice.

13:45 Drew Well, I made some commercial at MTV. I had to pay for them.

13:47 Adam He's the only one I like.

13:48 Drew We're advertising drew.com now and then.

13:50 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, that will never work. Jose?

13:53 Drew Yeah?

13:54 Adam You're 14.

13:55 Caller Yeah.

13:55 Adam What's up?

13:56 Caller Yeah, OK.

13:58 Adam Oh, Comedy Central is so much better than MTV. It's not even funny. Anybody listening, shut up for a second, Jose. Shut up. Anybody listening, and I hope it's MTV people are listening, your company sucks. Comedy Central, a k-billion times better. And I don't even think Comedy Central is that good. It's just compared to MTV. It is night and goddamn day working for those two companies. MTV, I'd rather be an Auschwitz strapped to a wheel. I swear to Christ.

14:29 Drew You came in here with a head of steam tonight. What is going on? Are you OK?

14:32 Adam Comedy Central is just so much better than MTV. It's not even funny. Not even close.

14:38 Drew But you're all right?

14:38 Adam I feel great.

14:39 Drew OK.

14:40 Adam All right, Jose. Go ahead.

14:42 Caller My name?

14:42 Caller Well, it's not really Joe.

14:44 Caller I mean, Jose. But OK. All right.

14:48 Who cares?

14:49 Adam Max? You're 30.

14:51 Caller How are you doing? Man A's and Dr. Drew. Hey, Man A's, I saw you in Miami Super Bowl. Did upside down push ups that time. But now I'm calling.

15:00 Drew Upside down push ups?

15:01 Caller Yeah, on the street. You remember that, Man A's?

15:03 Drew What the hell are you talking about?

15:04 Adam No idea.

15:04 Caller I'm an acrobat. I went up on my own.

15:06 Drew Oh, you're an acrobat. Yeah, I'm an acrobat.

15:09 Adam Yeah, I was probably drunk.

15:11 Caller Okay. Anyway, okay, I got a real question for you. And it's probably more for Dr. Drew. Need my balls slapped to stay with the girl I'm with?

15:22 Adam Yeah. Who does the slapping?

15:24 Caller She does.

15:25 Adam I see.

15:25 Caller Wouldn't do anything if I did.

15:27 Caller It wouldn't.

15:28 Caller Nah, if I wish I had your powers of imagination, masturbation would be a lot more pleasurable.

15:34 Adam Thank you, I think. Here's a guy who can do upside down push ups, but yet can't achieve an erection without some ball slapping.

15:42 Drew No, no, no.

15:43 Caller That's not the thing. I can achieve it. And sometimes, a lot of the time, I'm good for a good amount of time. But sometimes I just need that little slap from him.

15:55 Drew But maybe there's some directionality of blood flow problem here. Maybe he's spending too much time on his head. And by the way, Adam, you do not use your imagination.

16:03 Adam No. I use my VCR.

16:05 Caller Right.

16:05 Adam Thank you. Yes.

16:06 Caller You just got it down.

16:08 Drew But I'm wondering why Max is suggesting you don't masturbate?

16:12 Caller No, no, no. Sure I do. Absolutely. But I mean, not nearly as pleasurable or as fun as when I'm with a gal.

16:20 Drew Right, right, right.

16:22 Adam Max is one of these guys I would hate to hang around with.

16:25 Caller Oh, no. You have a great...

16:26 Adam No, I'd be miserable, Max. I would just be miserable. I'm just listening to your voice. I'd kill myself. Seriously, guys, wouldn't you hate to hang around with Max for any period of time? Got that wrong.

16:37 Caller Got that wrong.

16:38 Adam I see Max as one of these guys who wears novelty suspenders.

16:41 Caller No.

16:42 Adam Oh, you got me all wrong. And talks too fast in front of girls.

16:44 Caller I'd like to take some more from you.

16:45 Caller Come on, man. Don't you remember me? The Super Bowl, Miami. Upside down pushups.

16:50 Adam I don't remember most of my family. You kidding me? Some idiot does some pushups when I'm drunk in Miami.

16:56 Caller Upside down pushups. Upside down pushups, buddy. And a backflip on the street there.

17:02 Adam Listen here, wonder boy. You talking about getting, doing a handstand and then doing a, doing that kind of thing?

17:09 Caller I did. Yeah.

17:10 Adam That's an upside down chin up.

17:12 Caller No, it's an upside down push up because you're pushing, you're not pulling.

17:16 Adam But it's upside down, you idiot! Jackass. I've had it up there with everyone. Drew, when you get on your hands, hold on a second. Drew, when you do a handstand.

17:26 Drew Yeah.

17:26 Adam And you go down and up in a handstand.

17:30 Drew Yeah.

17:31 Adam That's like a chin up. It's not a push up. Your hands are over your head.

17:34 Drew It's just a handstand.

17:36 Adam It's an inverted chin up.

17:37 Drew Yeah.

17:38 Adam What's a chin up? Hang off a bar and pull your head up to the bar, right?

17:42 Drew It must have a name. You know what I mean? There must be a name for what he did.

17:44 Adam But an upside down push up, it's not an upside down push up. Yeah, it's an upside down chin up.

17:50 Drew An upside down push up would be behind your back.

17:52 James Marsters No, you're just standing on your hands and you just pump up and down.

17:55 Adam It's an inverted chin up if you think about it.

17:58 James Marsters Yeah, but the guy's right. I mean, you are pushing and you have these different muscles.

18:03 Adam You're pushing, but you're pushing when you do a lot of things. They don't call it a push up. They don't call a bench press an upside down push up, even though you're pushing.

18:11 Caller It's called a handstand push up though.

18:13 Drew Handstand. Well, okay.

18:14 Adam Okay.

18:15 Caller But, man, please stay with me.

18:16 Adam All right. All right. So you have to slap your nuts.

18:20 Caller I don't slap them.

18:20 Adam No, she does.

18:21 Caller She has to slap them. I like her to slap them.

18:25 Drew What does that do for you?

18:27 Caller It's a mild feeling of pain and there's also some psychological thing going on there. I mean, there's some psychological thing that doesn't feel 100% healthy.

18:38 Drew What is the experience you think you're having?

18:41 Caller A little humiliation.

18:46 Drew Why the testes? Why does she have to hit you there?

18:48 Caller Just because.

18:49 Adam Very symbolic, Drew.

18:52 Caller Come on, great school. Kick him in the balls. The whole humiliation thing.

18:56 Adam See why I hate to hang around with Max.

18:58 Caller I'm just psyching up with you.

19:00 Adam Alright, alright. So listen, why don't you get a little therapy?

19:03 Caller Yeah, I think that's a good idea. But listen, don't leave the radio show. I'm telling you, you're doing awesome things.

19:09 Adam Alright, thank you. It's hard to hate you, Max, with those kind of compliments.

19:13 Caller You can hate me, just don't leave the radio show.

19:16 Adam No, try as I might. I can't do it.

19:18 Drew He's having a bad night tonight.

19:19 Adam Alright, Max. God bless you. Talk to the therapist. Do a handstand and walk over to your therapist's office, alright?

19:26 Caller I've gotten plane tickets for doing handstands. I've gotten dinners and restaurants.

19:30 Adam Wow. Really? Interesting. A retard is going to give a guy a plane ticket for doing a handstand. Paul?

19:37 Yeah?

19:38 Adam You're twenty-four.

19:39 Yep. The problem I've been having and it's been going on for a few years is like a dull pain in my testicles that seems to move into my groin.

19:47 Adam Drue, I cannot talk about nuts anymore. I want to talk vagina. Right, James?

19:52 Drew Yes, please.

19:54 James Marsters Got too much testosterone going on.

19:55 Adam Drue, what is up with everyone's nuts? I've never heard so much nut talk in my life.

20:00 James Marsters It's nut night here on Loveline.

20:04 Adam I swear to God, every call goes right to the sack.

20:08 Drew There's two girls here.

20:09 Adam All right. As one of them has nuts, I'm gonna kill myself. Carol?

20:13 Yeah.

20:14 Adam You're seventeen. You're on with James Marsters. He's from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

20:21 Okay.

20:21 Adam You watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I'll just say yeah. You watch it?

20:27 What?

20:28 Adam You watch Buffy?

20:29 Caller No.

20:29 James Marsters She's not gonna lie.

20:30 Adam Hey, do you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

20:33 Caller No.

20:34 Adam Do you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

20:36 No.

20:37 Adam Hey, ever seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

20:40 I'm ignoring you.

20:41 James Marsters Adam, don't mess with this one. It's the first girl we've gotten all night.

20:44 Caller All right.

20:46 Okay. Let's check this out, all right? Quit laughing at me. All right. Me and my boyfriend, we got into it at his house, and I kind of said some stuff, and I go up to his house. I used to go up to his house all the time, and act crazy, you know, get mad at him over stupid stuff, and just start yelling and screaming and acting all crazy. And I'd tell him, you know, I ain't going to do it again. I'm not going to do it again. Just let me come back, you know. And he believed me so many times, but it got to the point where he don't believe me anymore.

21:21 Drew Why should he believe you?

21:22 I've done everything I can.

21:23 Drew Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why should he believe you?

21:25 Caller Yeah.

21:26 Drew I don't believe you.

21:30 I've got on some more medication, and it's helped calm me down, and it's helping me stay calm when I get mad.

21:34 Drew What medication are you taking?

21:37 I'm taking some Zoloft and some Xanaxes, and I take Depakote.

21:43 Drew So you're manic depressive?

21:45 Yeah.

21:45 Adam And some braggots and some brod's and some braesomizers.

21:50 But anyway, if there was an adult, they don't know who I am, but...

21:56 Drew Well, look...

21:57 Adam How old is your boyfriend?

21:59 He's 14.

22:00 Drew 14?

22:01 But anyway...

22:02 Adam Whoa, hold on. Ho, ho, ho. Ho.

22:05 Drew 14?

22:07 Adam You're 17? You're in a... A senior in high school?

22:11 Caller I'm not in school. I gotta get my GD.

22:13 Adam Oh, I see. But... Better yet. And he's what? In the 9th grade?

22:18 Drew 9th grade, yeah.

22:19 Adam You're going out with the 9th grader?

22:21 Caller Yeah.

22:21 Drew You said his parents aren't happy about this?

22:23 Caller No. That's not the problem.

22:25 Adam Yeah, but... Carol, what's up? Can you calm down just a little bit and not do so much acting out?

22:30 Drew I mean, she can't. That's why she's on all four beds.

22:32 Adam Yeah.

22:32 I mean, this time I have done everything. I'm trying to show him.

22:35 Caller I've done everything I can to prove to him that I'm not going to act like that anymore. And it's like, I mean, it's not just him. You know, I have to show his mom, too.

22:46 Drew How many months have you been behaving yourself?

22:48 Caller How many months have I been behaving myself? We've only been split up for two weeks.

22:52 Drew All right. You get about six months under your belt. I'm really doing six months.

22:56 Adam That's a lifetime when you're 17. You're not going to get six months under your belt.

23:00 Caller We've been together seven months today.

23:03 Adam So wait a minute. Today's your kid's seven month anniversary?

23:08 Caller Yeah.

23:09 Adam Congratulations.

23:11 Caller But I mean, well, I broke up with him Wednesday.

23:14 Caller Okay.

23:15 Adam Carol, listen to me.

23:17 Caller Because I mean-

23:19 Adam Shut up.

23:20 Caller Shut up.

23:21 Adam Shut up. Carol, quiet down. Quiet. Okay. Shush up. Now listen. Shut up.

23:27 Drew Carol, do you want advice or not?

23:29 Adam Oh, screw you. I don't care. I'm done with all of you. Listen, all of you. Rot in hell. I'll see you in hell. That's what I say to all my listeners and callers. I don't want to help any of you, you screwballs.

23:41 Drew Well, I do.

23:41 Adam Don't call this show. How dare you call this show. That's it. I'm telling nothing but high school football stories for the next hour and 35 minutes. Do you hear me?

23:50 James Marsters Let's talk about our nuts.

23:52 Adam I'm going to talk nuts. I'm going to talk about high school football and what I would change about the waste disposal system in this fine city of ours. 6.25 they showed up on Friday to pick up my garbage. How dare they?

24:07 Drew The mail might even come?

24:08 Adam How dare they?

24:10 Caller All right.

24:10 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. I'm going to run some cold water on my wrist and try to calm myself down. We'll be back after this.

24:22 Caller We'll be right back with more Loveline.

24:49 Adam Yep, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. James Marsters is our guest tonight. He plays Spike, the Goffy vampire, the vampire slayer, Tuesday nights, eight o'clock on the www.wb. And tomorrow night, we're going to have some folks in here from-

25:10 Drew Family Guy.

25:11 Adam Family Guy. Yeah, which I just did a very long voiceover session for. I don't know if I told you about that, Drew. I play Death in some upcoming episodes.

25:20 Drew You don't play yourself?

25:21 Adam Grim Reaper. Doing my voice, just the Grim Reaper.

25:26 Drew I can, it's not even a stretch for you. I can see it.

25:28 Adam Thank you. Thank you. Very funny show. One of my favorite new shows on besides Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Well, this is-

25:35 Drew For some Wednesday, I mean Tuesday.

25:37 Adam This is a new show. Well even if I watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer every single week for the last four years, when I read this sheet, I write down whatever is on this damn sheet. And if it says Wednesday night at 8 o'clock, then that's what goes on my sheet.

25:54 Drew Naturally enough.

25:55 Adam It's amazing by the way, I don't know if it was pulled off the bio or whatever it is, but there's tons of misinformation on these bio sheets. I mean put out by the show or the network or whatever, time changes not reflected on it. Do it all the time on the TV show. Michelle, you're 14, what's up?

26:21 Caller My boyfriend is 21 and I'm trying to figure out how to break up with him.

26:25 Adam Do you want to get an older guy?

26:27 Drew No. Very simple. There's a whole legal apparatus there ready to protect you.

26:34 Adam What's going on in the background there? 21 year old boyfriend. Did she? That wasn't call waiting, was it? I didn't hear anything clicking through. Alright, hold on a second. See, when you're 14, you're going out with a 21 year old, there's something going on on the home front. It ain't great. It doesn't have to be that bad because it happens quite a bit.

27:02 Drew A 21 year old and a 14 year old?

27:04 Adam I'd say more than, more than, I would say, Drew, more than you know, this happens in houses that aren't complete chaos. That aren't complete chaos.

27:18 Drew I can believe 19 and 14, but 21 and 14, you're sort of reaching the outer limits of reason even.

27:23 Adam What the hell guy, a 21, what's the date of 14 year old, by the way? You know, I mean, you know, 21 year olds look pretty good. What do you need the 14?

27:33 Drew That's a child abuser. Yeah, he might as well pick 12.

27:37 Adam Michelle?

27:38 Caller Yeah.

27:39 Caller 12. Let me write that down.

27:41 Caller Yeah.

27:41 Adam All right. So where did you meet this handsome young gent?

27:46 Caller At Farrow's.

27:48 Adam At a?

27:49 Caller At a water park.

27:50 Adam At a water park. Fantastic. And what was he doing there?

27:54 Caller Swimming.

27:55 Drew He didn't work there or something?

27:57 Caller No, he was swimming.

27:58 Drew Hanging out with the other 14 year olds.

28:00 Adam No, he was swimming. Okay. And now you want to break up with him. Did you have sex with him?

28:07 Caller No.

28:08 Adam Really?

28:08 Caller Yeah, really. Good.

28:09 Adam Okay.

28:09 Drew Good. Great. Good. So just break up with him.

28:12 Adam Why do you want to break up with him?

28:13 Caller Because I'm scared he'll freak out and stalk me or something.

28:16 Adam Why?

28:17 Caller Because I want to break up with him because he's starting to say stuff like he loves me.

28:21 Adam Yeah.

28:21 Drew Well, look, any guy that's going to stalk you is not somebody you want to be with anyway, right?

28:25 Caller Right.

28:25 Drew So the possibility of him becoming a stalker is not a good reason to hang into this relationship.

28:30 Adam Does your parent know? I have replaced parents with parent, by the way. Does your foster parent or parent or guardian know that you're dating a 21-year-old?

28:42 Caller Well, we had this big incident because I ran away with him for three days and I was staying with him in a motel.

28:49 Adam Fantastic. What's going on at home?

28:52 Caller I don't know.

28:54 Drew Are they hitting you or abusing you in some way verbally or what's going on?

28:59 Caller My dad does.

29:00 Drew What does he do?

29:00 Caller He beats on me a little.

29:02 Drew Physically?

29:03 Caller Yeah, and he verbally abuses me. All right.

29:08 Adam Where is he now?

29:09 Caller He's still here.

29:10 Drew So there's all kinds of need for... I don't know. I know Adam hates 911 calls for this kind of thing.

29:16 Adam No, don't do it. Come on, don't bother those good people.

29:18 Drew But look, they need to cart away the boyfriend and they need to deal with dad.

29:24 Caller They already did. They were going to call the police on him. They like totally made me cut off all connection to them.

29:28 Adam Who, your parents?

29:29 Caller Yeah.

29:29 Drew Yeah, well somebody needs to call the police on your dad also.

29:32 Adam What about your mom? Is she all right?

29:34 Caller Yeah, she's fine. She's a good mom.

29:36 Adam She's a good mom?

29:37 Caller She's a good mom.

29:38 Adam Great mom? Yeah. I might downgrade her to good because she married a guy who beats on you.

29:43 Caller Well, I don't know.

29:45 Adam That only makes her good.

29:47 Caller Okay.

29:47 Adam Yeah, because if she was great, she wouldn't let her husband beat on you.

29:51 Caller Yeah.

29:52 Adam Okay. So what's downgraded to good?

29:54 Caller Okay.

29:54 Adam And can she do anything about your dad beating on you?

29:58 Caller Yeah, she does.

29:59 Adam Oh, she does?

30:00 Caller She does.

30:01 Adam Okay. And what's he do? Does he drink or work construction or both?

30:04 Caller He's an alcoholic, like big time.

30:07 Adam What's he do for a living?

30:09 Caller He's an engineer.

30:10 Drew Could you get into Allateen, do you think, Michelle? Would you be willing to go to Allateen?

30:15 Caller What's that?

30:15 Drew It's an organization of young people, teenagers who have alcoholic parents primarily.

30:20 Caller Well, like, I'm like an alcoholic, too. Well, like, that's not any better or anything.

30:26 Drew Well, no, it's good you know that at 14. It's unfortunate that it's already developed in your age. No, look, she knows. She's being realistic. But how about doing something about it?

30:33 Caller I am.

30:34 Drew What are you doing?

30:35 Caller Uh-huh. I'm going to my friend with AA meetings.

30:38 Drew Great.

30:38 Caller AA meetings.

30:39 Adam All right, keep going to those AA meetings.

30:40 Drew Go to AA meetings, get the support of that community around you. But, but, but what?

30:43 Caller I just have another question. Like, not another question, but like, I'm on like medication, I'm on depressive medication.

30:48 Drew Yeah.

30:49 Caller And like, I was wondering if I drink while I'm on those, if that can like...

30:52 Adam Well, it doesn't matter, you're not drinking.

30:54 Drew Not good for you.

30:55 Caller Well, I know, because like, when I like, because it does not make me drink while you're on them.

30:59 Adam There you go.

31:00 Caller When I do, it like...

31:02 Drew Well, you can't go to AA if you're drinking anyway.

31:04 Caller I know.

31:05 Drew So, let's cut out the alcohol, okay? Oh, for Christ's sake.

31:08 Adam Okay, come on. Now! Please. Who's going to Canada with me? I'm going tonight. Who's in? James?

31:16 James Marsters Yeah, what the hell? I'll just quit my job.

31:18 Adam Right.

31:19 James Marsters Let's just go to Vegas.

31:20 Drew Let's go to Vegas.

31:21 Adam No, no. Vegas is in the United States.

31:23 Drew Did you see that?

31:23 Adam I want to get out of the United States.

31:24 Drew Did you see what happened to Burbank tonight?

31:26 Adam Yeah.

31:26 Drew That's wild.

31:27 Adam The planes skidded off the runway.

31:28 Drew Into a gas station.

31:29 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

31:31 Caller Wow.

31:32 Adam I think no one was hurt.

31:33 Drew Oh, that's amazing. Mark? By the way, are Burbank departures? No.

31:38 Adam You're 15.

31:38 Drew We're going to have LAX from now on.

31:41 About 30 minutes ago, I was masturbating and I caught some semen into my eye and it's starting to burn.

31:47 Drew Three minutes ago?

31:48 No. About half an hour now.

31:50 Adam About a half hour.

31:50 Drew Did you rinse it out real well with tap water?

31:53 Adam What?

31:53 Caller No. I haven't really touched it.

31:54 Drew Rinse it out with tap water?

31:56 Adam Listen, if you don't touch it soon, you won't be able to get it open.

31:58 Drew Oh.

31:59 Adam It happened to me once.

32:00 Drew You don't have any infections, any problems? No.

32:03 James Marsters All the way up to your eye?

32:04 Drew Flush. Flush. Flush it.

32:06 Adam Let me explain. First, dab gently with a gym sock to try to remove the excess. Then run it under the water.

32:13 Drew Flush. Go. Now.

32:16 Adam Now.

32:16 Drew Go flush it.

32:17 James Marsters Really? Impressive.

32:18 Drew An hour. Impressive. I mean, flush it for like five minutes.

32:21 Adam You can get pink eye, right?

32:23 Drew You can get a chemical irritant, yes.

32:25 Adam What can he get?

32:26 Caller Hey, Mark.

32:29 Adam Are you in the bathroom now?

32:31 Caller What?

32:31 Drew I hear the water running.

32:32 Caller No, I was in the sink.

32:34 Adam Put your head under the sink. Let's hear the flushing process. You're going to do it for five minutes straight. You'll lose a sight. Are you kidding me? Oh, he's... Hey, Mark. Yes? After you nailed yourself in the eye, you didn't want to get up and rinse it off?

32:53 Caller Well, I wasn't sure.

32:54 Adam You weren't sure? What would be the downside of flushing out whatever it is that got in your eye? Let's say a seagull crapped in your eye. You think would you just sit and wait, or would you go flush it out?

33:09 Caller Well...

33:09 Adam Okay, I understand. You're confused. You're hyperventilating. You're in a roused state. You weren't thinking straight.

33:17 Caller And the water was burning even more every time I tried.

33:20 Adam I understand. And was that the first one of the day?

33:23 Caller The first one of the day.

33:24 Adam Yeah, I see.

33:24 Caller It hasn't been for quite a few days, actually.

33:26 Adam Oh, really?

33:27 Caller Yeah, I think that's why it shot up so high.

33:28 Adam Well, I hope you've learned your lesson. You know what I mean?

33:32 James Marsters Yeah, masturbate daily.

33:33 Adam Yeah, at least. All right, Mark. You're so... Drew, is it true it makes you gay?

33:43 Drew No.

33:44 Adam It won't turn you gay?

33:45 Drew No.

33:47 Adam I had always heard it turned you gay.

33:49 Drew You may start talking like Charles Nelson Riley for a couple days.

33:51 Adam Well, that's why he wears those huge glasses. That's why Charles Nelson Riley wears those huge oversized novelty glasses. Hey, they got to charge you more for those, don't you? What is it with old people that it actually starts turning into a windshield at a certain point?

34:11 Drew They charge by weight.

34:12 Adam Is it that they lose their glasses so often that they make it the Hobo Kelly size novelty glasses? Or why? Why is that? Why does every old person get those? You know, who else? What the hell is that beautiful Italian actress?

34:29 Drew Sophia Loren.

34:30 Adam Sophia Loren has those mammoth glasses too. What is that? Anthony? You're 17. What's up?

34:38 Caller First of all, I just want to say, Adam, you're a god. All right. And Drew, you're a genius. And I don't know why people think you're so mean, Adam. I just think you tell it like it is.

34:47 Drew Have you been listening for the last 40 minutes?

34:48 Caller Yeah.

34:49 Drew Oh, okay.

34:50 Caller I don't think that's mean.

34:51 Adam I'm tough, but I'm fair. Okay, go ahead.

34:53 Caller Exactly. All right. Well, here's my problem. Recently, my girlfriend's parents just found out that we've been having sex. So, I mean, I don't know what I'm supposed to do because I think they're expecting an apology, but I don't know.

35:07 Drew An apology? How old is your girlfriend?

35:10 Caller She's 17.

35:11 Drew Apology is not going to make them feel any better.

35:13 Caller Well, that's what they want. I don't know why.

35:16 Drew How did you get that message that that's what they're looking for?

35:18 Caller Oh, well, they talked to my, her mom talked to my aunt about it.

35:22 Drew Her mom told your aunt they want an apology?

35:25 Caller Yeah.

35:26 Drew And what is it they want you to apologize for?

35:29 Caller I don't know.

35:30 Drew You need to get your aunt out there to figure out what's going on with her.

35:33 Adam Jesus Christ. And why did they go to your aunt?

35:36 Caller Oh, well, she's pretty much my mom.

35:38 Adam Oh, I see. Okay.

35:39 Drew What does your aunt tell you you ought to do?

35:41 Caller I mean, she doesn't, she's weird. She's like a Christian type relationship.

35:47 Drew And what did she say you should do?

35:49 Caller She says apologize. I just don't know how. And they won't let me talk to her for like the next week.

35:55 Adam How did they find out?

35:57 Caller They read her diary.

35:59 Yeah.

36:00 Adam Listen, you idiots out there. Stop. Don't keep a diary. You keep a diary. That is like, you know what keeping a diary is? It's like leaving your brain in your mouth just around on a table somewhere so your parents can go by and pick it.

36:14 Drew It's like a screen playing memories that you had last week. And by the way, you were going to have your, remember the replacement diary you were going to have? Come on.

36:24 Adam Genius. I've only had time to act on all my genius ideas. I had this great idea, James. It's called the Decoy Diary. It's the diary. I print it out. You just put your name on the front of it. Tuesday went to church, worship the Lord. Wednesday, tired from homework, but still enough energy to go to church.

36:45 Drew And work out.

36:46 Adam Work out.

36:48 Drew Community service.

36:48 James Marsters Did not go to the strip club.

36:49 Adam Community service. Right. Just one big... And by the way, once they took a few cracks at that, they'd never bother you again. Your parents would look at that and go, Oh my God, yeah, that's it. Have to go... hand tired from studying can only write so much in the diary tonight. I mean, you know what I mean? People leave their diary around and yeah, Drew, you're right. You might as well just film you banging your boyfriend, put it on a reel and just run it on the ceiling of your room and let your parents walk in and see what's going on. I mean, that's it. And only women are stupid enough to keep this. Men are smart. They're not going to do this. This is the worst idea anyone's ever had. What are you? You're 17 years old, you're smoking pot, you're getting it on with your boyfriend, you're staying out all night, you're sneaking out of the window, you're getting guys to score you beer, you're drinking at the park, you put it all down in a book and then leave it on your nightstand. Genius. Of course, your parents want to get a look at that. Drew, you're going to have to look at your kids' diary.

37:54 Drew I really am going to try desperately not to.

37:56 Adam I know, but you're half, you're half there.

37:58 Drew It's an impulse, but I really will try to honor that.

38:00 Adam You know what, you rationalize. Here's what happens. The kid comes home, you think, oh, geez, they dropped a couple of grades, could be behind drugs. I got to intervene. If they got a drug problem, I've got to know. And then you get in there, you start looking, you start blowing everybody and doing everything but drugs.

38:21 Drew Maybe you want to invent like the Keister Diary too or something.

38:24 Adam When you can shove up your anus? Good idea, Drew. The Keistery. All right. This diary, horrible, horrible, horrible idea that, like I said, only young women are stupid enough to go for. Stop it, ladies.

38:38 James Marsters Back to the guy, his parents aren't like you can't see her anymore, right?

38:42 Adam Oh, yes.

38:42 Drew He's going to be apologized? He's going to have to apologize. He needs to find out more, get some clarity of what he's walking into there. And he will apologize for, like, you highlighted their class.

38:52 Adam Sorry, I banged your daughter.

38:53 Drew What is it they want from you?

38:54 Adam From now on, it's just oral sex. You're right.

38:57 Drew And, you know, it's in a horrible position. Listen, at least they're doing their parenting. We prefer that to the alternatives, right?

39:02 Adam And listen, you ladies, with your diaries, I don't know why you bother writing stuff down. You all have minds like steel traps. Ironically enough, the only thing that doesn't go in the diary is the stuff that should go in the diary, which is the stuff you can't remember, like what the mechanic told you was wrong with the car. That won't go in the diary. That doesn't go in the diary. The part about the guy getting drunk and smacking you, or being out on a date, or all that good stuff goes in there. But don't worry, you know all that stuff already. A woman will never forget the name of a guy she was with, her first crush, or where she lost her virginity, or who she went to the prom with, or what evil thing you said to them 6 years ago. They all remember that stuff. They have a mind like a vault with that stuff. Why write that stuff down? Write the good stuff down. Alright, we'll take a little break, and when we get back we'll talk to David. He's 26. He sucked a girl's breast and got a mouthful of liquid, then swallowed. Wants to know if he's got STD after this.

40:06 James Marsters Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

40:10 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. James Marsters is here tonight. He plays Vampire Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Tuesday nights, eight o'clock on the WB. I think we're settling into some kind of rhythm here finally.

40:58 Drew Quickly, Adam, can I- Yes. You see me looking at these chat rooms, and I've not brought them up on the show here yet, because people are not asking questions. Please go to the chat rooms at drdrew.com. You can monitor them. If you have questions you want to ask on this show, I'll bring them up on the radio if you present them at the chat room.

41:13 Adam David. Yes.

41:14 Caller How are you guys doing?

41:15 Adam Good. 26.

41:17 Caller Yeah. I was at a nightclub last night, met a girl. I gave her a drive home, and we were sitting outside her apartment. She was on my lap, and I was sucking her breasts, and I got a mouthful of fluid all of a sudden. I kind of stopped in my tracks, didn't know what to do, so I gave it a swallow, and what did she do? She acted like nothing happened.

41:41 Adam Or maybe she didn't feel it.

41:43 Caller Maybe she didn't. I don't know. In retrospect, I wish I had asked her.

41:48 Drew But I asked her what?

41:49 Adam What came out of her?

41:50 James Marsters Well, there's only one thing that's going to come out.

41:52 Adam She's probably pregnant.

41:54 Caller Well, no. Afterwards, I was trying to subtly find out. I was saying, well, have you ever had any kids? You ever been pregnant? And she was, she said, no, no. I mean, who knows if it's true.

42:05 Drew She could be pregnant and not know it. She could be on medication.

42:08 Caller Right. And yeah, then I was trying to actually play with her dimples a little to see if I could see what the color of the fluid that was coming out.

42:18 Adam Isn't it great when you're drunk, David, all those plans you make?

42:23 Caller Yeah. Well, you know, I don't even have that excuse. I wasn't drunk. I was driving.

42:27 Adam Well, you're quite the operator, though. You go to a club one night. Next thing you know, you got a chick in your lap. You parked in the driveway. You got a mouthful of boob and milk.

42:38 James Marsters Good night.

42:39 Caller Yeah.

42:39 Caller Well, see, was it milk? It was very, like, sour and salty. I don't remember with the milk.

42:47 Adam You sure it wasn't a guy?

42:49 Caller Oh, oh, yeah.

42:50 Caller You. Yeah, she was she was quite fine.

42:53 Adam Really?

42:54 Caller Truly.

42:54 Adam Really? David, I'm not picturing. Fine.

42:57 Caller No, very.

42:57 Adam I'm picturing you just scraping something up off the bottom of a bar stool.

43:01 Caller Oh, it's happened before, but not not not. Really?

43:04 Adam Yeah.

43:04 Caller Particularly just made.

43:05 Adam You going to you going to go out with her again?

43:08 Caller I got a number.

43:09 Drew You know, why why wouldn't you?

43:10 James Marsters Yeah, you got boob on the first night.

43:12 Drew Well, I mean, somebody that you were attracted to her and you were enough to go this far with her.

43:17 Caller Sure, sure. But I'm just wondering about the fluid. Could I have gotten any any kind of?

43:23 Drew Yes.

43:23 Caller Yeah.

43:24 Drew Well, there's now some good data on HIV and breast milk and it does transmit that way.

43:29 Adam What a way to get. You didn't even get late. You didn't get a BJ and you got HIV.

43:33 Drew I'd worry about hepatitis B and hepatitis C, but I don't know that that's been documented.

43:38 Adam The point is, what is it? Ninety-nine point whatever percent that he's fine, Drew?

43:42 Drew Yes.

43:43 Adam Okay.

43:44 James Marsters So it's going into your stomach.

43:45 Drew I think that was breast milk though. I mean, that's what that was.

43:47 Adam Yeah. So she's either pregnant and didn't know it, or has some sort of tumor and doesn't know it, or is on some sort of medication.

43:53 Drew On meds, thyroid, another thing can do it.

43:55 Adam All right. Drew, let's go ahead and focus on this show. Ashley.

44:01 Caller Hi.

44:01 Adam You're 14? What's up?

44:04 Caller Um, there's this guy at school. He's in my PE class. And we kind of flirt sometimes. Like, he'll come up to me and he'll be like, oh, I didn't notice that you were so short and stuff. And he'll like come up to me and-

44:19 Drew And that's flirting?

44:20 Caller Kind of.

44:21 Adam Hey, your ass is so big.

44:24 Caller Huh? Yeah. He makes a joke out of it. Like, he'll get down on his knees and he's like, there, now you're taller than me and stuff.

44:30 Adam Yeah.

44:31 Caller Because, I mean, he's pretty tall and I'm kind of short.

44:33 Drew How old is he? How old is he?

44:35 Adam 42.

44:35 Caller He's like 14.

44:36 Drew So, he's just kind of playing around.

44:38 Adam He's in your PE class with you? What's up with that? Is this some private school or something?

44:43 Caller No, it's not.

44:44 Adam Public school?

44:45 Caller It's a public school.

44:45 Drew What do you mean, Adam? I mean, they have that PE. Hold on.

44:48 Adam Why is there a guy in your PE class?

44:50 Caller I mean, because it's co-ed. The whole thing's co-ed.

44:53 It's public school.

44:55 Drew That's what it goes.

44:55 Caller But it's a suburban school, so we don't even have PE uniforms or anything. We have one gym and it really sucks.

45:08 Adam So what do you just wear?

45:10 Caller We just wear our day clothes, but we have to wear the running shoes and stuff.

45:15 Adam All right. You guys play softball and all that stuff?

45:19 Caller Kind of. We play badminton and volleyball.

45:21 Adam Okay.

45:22 Caller Preppy stuff.

45:23 Adam Is this guy gay?

45:24 Caller No.

45:24 Adam He's going to turn him gay.

45:25 Drew What is the question?

45:26 Caller He's really athletic and he plays basketball.

45:28 Adam All right. So he likes you, right?

45:31 Drew Right.

45:31 Adam You think he likes you?

45:32 Caller Yeah, I do.

45:33 Adam I think he's going to ask you out.

45:35 Caller I don't know because he's one of the really, really popular people and well, I'm not really popular, but he still does kind of a farting thing.

45:45 Adam All right.

45:46 Drew He's not taking advantage of you or making fun of you or anything. He's really interested in you. I mean, I'm going to make little of what I'm just to make sure you're interpreting his messages accurately.

45:54 Caller Yeah.

45:54 Adam Do you guys have any kind of Sadie Hawkins dance or anything?

45:58 Caller We had a spring dance on Friday, but he wasn't there because I was looking forward to him being there, but he wasn't. So I'm going to ask him when we go to school tomorrow.

46:07 Adam Do they have that? You know what the Sadie Hawkins dance is?

46:10 Caller Yeah.

46:11 Adam Do they have one of those?

46:12 Caller No.

46:12 Drew Or anything like that.

46:13 Caller We don't have real scene dances. We just have dances.

46:16 Drew Or anything where you could ask him out to something non-threatening. Maybe to a movie or something where you just kind of hang out with him. Maybe if there's a group of friends getting together, some just kind of get things out of the PE class.

46:26 Adam Talk about movies.

46:27 Drew Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

46:28 Adam That's my...

46:29 Drew Just talk about it.

46:29 Adam That's my theory. If someone likes you, they'll say they want to see that movie, too. That's the way it always goes. If they don't like you, they'll pretend like they don't want to see that movie. That's how at least it works with women. All right. We will take ourselves a little break and we'll be back with a rare testy call after this.

46:57 We'll be right back.

47:26 Adam Yep, it's a Loveline. We're going to take a quick ten second time out. We'll be back with more of the program in just ten seconds.

47:32 This is Loveline on Radio Station.

47:48 Adam It's the Loveline of Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191. James Marsters is our guest tonight. He is the Vampire Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 8 o'clock Tuesday nights on the WB. And Drew?

48:04 Drew I was just watching the chat rooms, and according to someone in there, birds masturbate. This is for you. How? A message for you. I don't know. And I don't know if that's accurate or not, but somebody wanted me to be sure to point that out to you, Adam. Shows you.

48:15 Adam Between the beak and the claws, it seems like a tall, tall order.

48:19 Drew You got the feathers.

48:20 Adam Birds do it, bees do it. Paul? Hey, you're 24.

48:27 Caller Hi. What I was talking about before is that like I get a, the last four years I get like a pain that kind of starts in the lower part of my testicles and moves into my groin and gets worse.

48:37 Drew Is it at any particular time that you precipitate the pain, like after masturbation or ejaculation?

48:42 Caller It's kind of on and off and I'm like...

48:44 Drew No matter what, it just occurs spontaneously, no particular reason, nothing you can do to make it better.

48:49 Caller Yeah, and then like even during sex too I even kind of have to slow down because it starts to get really painful in my testicles too.

48:56 Drew Both sides?

48:57 Caller Yeah, it's either when I'm doing something or when I'm not doing something.

49:01 Adam Hey, Paul?

49:02 Drew Yeah?

49:03 Adam Not that this will be a first on our show, but let me re-ask Drew's goddamn question. Is there more pain during certain activities?

49:14 Caller Sex.

49:15 Drew Okay.

49:15 Adam Okay. And anything else? What about masturbation?

49:19 Caller Sometimes even then.

49:21 Adam Okay, but if you're not having sex and not masturbating?

49:25 Caller It starts even then.

49:27 Caller Is it?

49:28 Drew Okay.

49:28 Caller All right.

49:29 Adam But it's a little more during the sex and the masturbation?

49:34 Caller Yeah.

49:34 Adam Okay.

49:35 Drew All right. Are you on medication?

49:38 Caller I'm on lithium circle and I think that's about it.

49:41 Drew That's what's going on here.

49:43 Adam Really? Why?

49:44 Drew That can change. It can predispose to things like epithetamitis and it can change the way the bladder empties. It can irritate the prostate. You need to talk to your doctor about this. Let me ask him one more question. Are you having trouble evacuating your bladder? Things kind of hesitate a little bit?

49:59 Caller Sometimes.

50:00 Drew Yeah, that's the seroquel probably.

50:02 Caller I didn't start the seroquel totally about a month ago.

50:05 Drew Yeah, but you probably had something else before that too, right?

50:09 Caller This has been going on for at least four years and for about at least two of those years I wasn't on anything.

50:15 Adam Interesting.

50:15 Drew Be that as it may, I would bet that it was probably worse on meds and it probably has something to do with the outflow of urine and it can irritate the whole area there.

50:24 Adam What's Seroquel?

50:25 Drew Seroquel is an antidepressant that has antipsychotic properties to it. It's a good medicine. He's bipolar and again, the prostate can be inflamed, can cause epididymitis, the whole area can get inflamed and that can cause problems with the testes.

50:40 Adam We don't have anyone call this show is not on something. You don't hear about people being on as much lithium as they used to be.

50:47 Drew No, they tend to head more towards the anti-epileptic medicine. But by the way, we're the only show that people actually get the opportunity to talk about what they're actually on. You know, other shows, it's all sort of magical, oh, no, no. It's all sort of fantasy.

50:59 Adam Not on this show. Stark reality. Michelle?

51:03 Caller Yeah?

51:03 Adam You're 18?

51:04 Caller Yes.

51:05 Adam What's up?

51:06 Caller OK, I got my nipple pierced about two weeks ago.

51:09 Drew Great.

51:09 Caller And my boyfriend was sucking on it tonight, and I was just wondering if that would do anything bad.

51:16 Drew Two weeks ago?

51:17 Caller Yeah.

51:18 Drew And what did they tell you about the care of that wound?

51:20 Caller They just said, I'm supposed to, like, clean it with antibacterial soap two to three times a day, and I've been doing that.

51:26 Drew For how long? For how long?

51:29 Caller For the last two weeks.

51:30 Drew How long did they tell you to keep cleaning with?

51:33 Caller Oh, they never gave me an ending date.

51:36 Drew How's it doing?

51:37 Caller It's fine. It's starting to itch, but I was thinking that's just because of how a scab gets.

51:42 Drew I would think two weeks you'd be in pretty decent shape, though the human mouth is not a great sort of environment to expose to a wound at all.

51:53 James Marsters But if you have a problem, you're going to know it in your nipple, right?

51:56 Drew It's sort of too... It's going to hurt.

51:58 James Marsters It's kind of...

51:58 Drew It's also too late now. I mean, we're going to find out. Keep doing the antibacterial soaks and keep doing appropriate care and the...

52:04 Adam What, you got a hoop through there?

52:05 Caller Yeah.

52:06 Adam Very sexy. Yeah. That's nice.

52:09 Caller See, I want to... Also, I have another question. Is, because of it being where it is, I have to wear my bra all the time to go to school, but right underneath it, where it presses on it, it's starting to peel. Is that just from having it press on there or...

52:23 Drew I suspect that's probably just the healing.

52:26 Adam You in high school or junior college?

52:29 Caller High school.

52:30 Adam Wow. 18 with the nipple piercing.

52:32 Caller Yeah.

52:32 Adam Nice. All right, Michelle, you gonna get anything else done?

52:36 Drew Yeah. I was gonna say another word.

52:38 Caller I don't know. I've thought about it, but I don't know.

52:41 Adam Swear to God, there's not an appealing thing about that for me at all.

52:46 Drew About a piercing?

52:47 Adam No.

52:49 Drew You must watch that kind of stuff all the time with those clubs you go to.

52:52 Adam Yes, I go to the bondage clubs.

52:54 Drew No, I mean, don't dancers have that kind of stuff?

52:56 Adam No, man, yeah. The titty bars?

52:58 Drew Yeah.

53:00 Adam There's some of that out there, not as much as you'd think. Yeah, I'm not a fan of that. Nipples are good enough.

53:07 Drew Cool. Pizza.

53:09 Adam Yeah. You don't have to mount a pizza to the hood of a Porsche. You know what I mean? It's like, I like the Porsche. I like the car.

53:17 Caller I like the pizza too.

53:18 Adam I like the pizza too. But you know what I mean? You don't have to smear cheese on the hood of the car for me to like the car. I like that car. You like it?

53:29 Drew Oops.

53:30 Adam Great.

53:30 James Marsters Okay, I'm fine. Bye.

53:32 Adam You're going to get that right. Do you, does that turn your arm when you see that?

53:37 James Marsters Yeah, there's something very brave about it. Kind of dangerous. Yeah.

53:41 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what I think they're trying to project.

53:43 Adam Well, the thing is-

53:45 James Marsters Anybody who can have that done takes a certain amount of guts, don't you think?

53:50 Adam Yeah, but so is cutting on yourself.

53:52 Drew Yeah, I think wearing it is what takes the more guts.

53:54 Adam Well, it's just from doing this show, I see that it doesn't translate into sexy, translates into nutty. I see that, I see nuts.

54:04 Drew Because of what you've been doing in this show.

54:05 Adam Yeah, it's ruined it.

54:07 Drew Has this show just ruined your whole life? Your whole perception?

54:10 Adam It's ruined more than my life.

54:11 Drew Yeah.

54:12 James Marsters You find yourself fantasizing about Betty Rubble, and all some people like that.

54:16 Adam That's right. Linda actually, Sheer Lord of the Jungle, it's a cartoon I watched when I was a kid. Lindsay?

54:23 Yeah.

54:24 Adam Hey, speaking of Lindsay, that was the name of my stripper girlfriend.

54:28 Drew Strangely?

54:30 Yeah.

54:31 Drew She's impressed, by the way.

54:33 Caller And the dad, like, he's not really there, but he hasn't told his parents either. And I was just wondering, like, should I just let him deal with that and do it? Because a lot of my friends think I should just call and tell him, or, you know, find some way and tell him.

54:48 Drew Wait, wait, I'm a little unclear about this.

54:51 He, he knows, but his parents don't know.

54:53 Caller He's not denying it's his or anything, but we don't talk. The day after I told him I was pregnant, he went and got a new 16-year-old girlfriend.

55:01 Adam Well, that's perfectly healthy.

55:03 Drew So the reason you want to alert his parents is you're pissed.

55:06 Caller Well, no, not, I mean, yeah, it pisses me off, but I think they have the right to know, you know.

55:11 Adam They do? Yeah, they have the right to know. They have the right to know you're pissed.

55:15 Caller Well, I think they have the right to know that, you know, they're going to have a grandchild.

55:20 Adam Well, there's some to that, but that's not your motive. Your motive is you're pissed off at the guy, but that's fine. You should be. He's an idiot. You should always be a little bit p.o'd at yourself for not using birth control and letting an idiot get you pregnant. Of course. How much to get an abortion? I'm going to pay.

55:39 Caller No.

55:40 Drew How about adoption for the child?

55:41 Adam How much?

55:42 Caller No, no, no.

55:43 Adam How much? What's an abortion cost, Drew?

55:46 Plus I'm six months pregnant. That's not an option.

55:49 Adam Don't worry. Drew knows doctors.

55:50 Drew No, no, no.

55:51 Adam We can grease a few palms. We'll get it done.

55:53 Drew No, not an option.

55:54 Adam All right. How about you give the kid up for adoption so it has a chance at life? No. You'd rather ruin it yourself?

56:01 Well, I think I can do an all right job.

56:05 Adam Yeah, no problem.

56:06 Caller I'm really that bad off.

56:08 Adam Okay. You're living at home?

56:10 Caller Yeah.

56:11 Adam How are your parents with this? You mean your mom? Yeah, not your dad.

56:15 Caller I live with my mom and my grandma.

56:17 My dad's not there.

56:18 Adam I know your dad's not there.

56:19 Drew Shocking. Shocking.

56:20 Adam And what a surprise.

56:21 Yeah.

56:22 Adam That's great. Yeah. Some families are 12th generation wine makers and things like that. Our listeners, 10, 12 generations of no dads.

56:33 Yeah.

56:33 Adam And you keep that rich tradition alive, Lindsay. Fantastic. And hopefully, God willing, your child one day will be a rare child without a father.

56:45 Hopefully.

56:46 Adam Don't put too much pressure on them. And hopefully, you have a girl so you can keep that going. Now, the guy is just going to have to leave.

56:53 Drew And have a few babies out there that he doesn't take care of.

56:58 Adam All right. So, you got your grandma. You know what sex the baby is?

57:02 Caller I go to find out tomorrow, actually.

57:03 Adam I pray it's a woman. Pray. Pray. Because the guys turn into criminals. The women, they just turn into dancers.

57:12 Okay.

57:13 Adam All right, Lindsay. So, you take good care of the child. Yeah. This guy is an idiot.

57:20 Yes.

57:21 Drew Whether it's Patch, no, or not, why would you want them in your life?

57:24 Adam They'll tell us. They got a grandkid.

57:26 Yeah, no doubt.

57:27 Caller They're good people just because he's a...

57:29 Adam No, they're not good. How old is he?

57:32 He's 20.

57:33 Adam Yeah. What's he do?

57:35 Caller He used to work at a computer place, Packard Bell.

57:39 Adam Yeah.

57:39 Caller And like, about a month after I told him he quit his job.

57:43 Caller And he worked there for like four years. He was doing real good and he always seemed real responsible and like a good guy, but obviously, you know, things aren't...

57:51 Drew How did you happen to get pregnant?

57:53 Caller Well, we were talking for quite a while for...

57:56 Drew No, not how did you happen to have sex. How did you happen to get pregnant?

57:59 Adam We're not interested in the courtship part.

58:02 Drew Why the hell did you...

58:03 Adam He gave me a wine cooler.

58:04 Drew Why didn't you use contraception as the question?

58:06 Caller Oh, okay, yeah, I was drunk.

58:09 Adam Oh, okay. All right, hey, Lindsay?

58:11 Caller It was a mistake.

58:12 Adam Lindsay, you sound like you're long overdue for motherhood.

58:15 Caller Long overdue?

58:16 Adam Yes. You should have had a kid at 16.

58:18 Caller No, no.

58:19 Adam Okay. You won't give this child up for adoption?

58:21 No.

58:22 Adam No. Really? You're hell bent on ruining this kid?

58:25 Caller I don't think I'll ruin it.

58:26 Adam Okay.

58:27 Drew I don't know an 18-year-old at one.

58:29 Adam I think she trades this kid for a six-pack of wine coolers.

58:33 Caller No.

58:34 Adam That's what I say.

58:35 No, no, no.

58:36 Adam All right, Lindsay.

58:36 You guys got me all wrong.

58:37 Adam Okay, listen to me. Here's your mission in life.

58:40 Caller Okay.

58:40 Drew No more kids.

58:41 Adam No more kids.

58:42 Caller Okay.

58:42 Adam Okay? And focus on this one and work. And don't take any money from the government.

58:48 Caller Okay.

58:49 Adam Really?

58:50 Caller Really.

58:50 Adam Okay.

58:51 Caller I'm really not as bad as you.

58:52 Adam No, you sound all right.

58:53 James Marsters You know, they have a birth control pill that helps like clear up your skin and everything. It's kind of cool.

58:58 Adam Lindsay.

58:59 Caller I really need that.

59:00 Adam Okay, good.

59:01 James Marsters Yeah, it's cheap. You go to Planned Parenthood.

59:03 Adam You be a good mom.

59:05 James Marsters They charge you based on your income, so it's almost no money at all.

59:07 Drew Couple more months before you get on that though, okay?

59:09 Adam Yeah. Lindsay, this guy needs to spend some money on this kit.

59:14 Caller Well, I asked him because of my first ultrasound, the baby kept its legs crossed, so like...

59:18 Drew You don't know what kind of job it was...

59:19 Caller .$60 to go to this one person and get it done.

59:21 Adam Yeah.

59:22 Caller He wouldn't give me the $60.

59:23 Adam Yeah.

59:24 Caller One of my friends did, so I'm going tomorrow to get it done.

59:27 Adam Great. Well, listen, you need to talk to the authorities, as much as I hate to say, and get this guy to kick some money in for the rearing of this kid. You understand? He owes you until the kid's 18.

59:41 Drew Yeah. He has a responsibility to help pay for this kid's company. He does not have to be involved in the life, though, otherwise.

59:48 Adam Yeah. Fantastic. He's a wonderful kid. Mike, I just don't want to pay. That's what I'm saying.

59:55 Drew Another question off the chat room. What's the difference between dependency and addiction? You learned that yet? Have I taught you that one?

1:00:00 Adam Yes.

1:00:01 Drew What?

1:00:02 Adam I'm dependent. You guys are addicted.

1:00:04 Drew Addiction is the syndrome of progressive use in the face of consequence. Later in that disease, you'll get dependent. That is, you'll start having tolerance and then withdrawal if you try to stop.

1:00:14 Adam That's what dependent is.

1:00:16 Drew You can be dependent and not be an addict. If you had surgery and they used morphine to treat you for three weeks or something from intractable pain and they tried to take you out, well, you're actually an addict. But somebody who's not an addict, if you take them off, they'll have withdrawal but that'll be it. They won't look back. But an addict will have sort of a switch thrown. It will cause them to sort of drive and pursue it.

1:00:34 Adam And either you have that predisposition biologically or you don't. I was thinking of you today, Drew, because I bought a case of wine.

1:00:44 Drew Is there room in your house for wine and pornography? Oh, it's the new house, the new house.

1:00:48 Adam No, I had to put some of the pornography outside. I had to build a shed for the pornography.

1:00:53 James Marsters Porn room.

1:00:54 Adam Yeah.

1:00:55 Drew And why did you pray tell it to you? Because this was your sleep medicine? Is that what you thought of me?

1:01:00 Adam I call it my medicine, yeah.

1:01:02 Drew Is that what you thought of me?

1:01:03 Adam No, you know, I thought of you, I thought, because I thought, I want to see the look on Drew's post when I tell him I bought a case of wine. I had, it was a very interesting thought. I was over at the market. I was at the Trader Joe's. I love that damn place. And I bought a couple bottles of red wine. And the guy said, hey, have you tried that Fetzer Merlot or whatever? And I said, yeah, I love that stuff. It's cheap and it's yummy. It puts me right to bed. And he goes, I go, there's none of it out on the shelf. He goes, I got a case in the back. You want a bottle? I go, bring the case. Because why not? Why go in there and nickel and dine myself? Who am I kidding?

1:01:39 Drew You're such a big star now. You're such a genius.

1:01:41 Adam Bring the case. And so I was driving home.

1:01:43 Drew He's starting.

1:01:44 James Marsters You have boxes.

1:01:45 Adam Oh yeah, it's got all boxes.

1:01:47 Drew No, boxes of wine.

1:01:49 James Marsters They're big. You don't have to crack the top everything.

1:01:51 Adam Oh, you just take a letter opener and punch it through the top. I should get that.

1:01:56 James Marsters No, it's got a little spout and everything.

1:01:57 Adam Nice.

1:01:58 James Marsters Very convenient.

1:01:59 Adam Yeah, it's like how much wine do you drink? I just drink like a box a night.

1:02:03 James Marsters Yeah, that's one. I drink one wine.

1:02:05 Adam I thought to myself as driving home, you are now officially an adult and an alcohol. I thought because buying a case of red wine is such an adult move. I look at myself as a spaz. My whole life, I never had insurance, I never had a credit card, I never had car insurance, I never had health insurance, I never went to the dentist. I mean, it's a total spaz even at 30, 31. But I bought that case of red wine. I said, you are officially an adult. Now, you just bought a case of wine. And my grandparents friend, Jules Mandel, would buy a case of red wine. That is a very adult maneuver. But then, that was then balanced by the, you're now an alcoholic. And then, I ran on my dad, he got me a present, a bottle opener. I swear to God, one that mounts on the dash of your car. Oh my God. No, it mounts on like the bar side. Sometimes it's industrial, like I'm opening a restaurant or something, you know?

1:03:08 Drew Adam, the word, the environment is telling us that.

1:03:10 Adam Word is out, yeah. I said, Dad.

1:03:11 Drew You finally individuated and you're, and you're an alcoholic.

1:03:15 Adam Great. Yeah, thank you, Dad. Mike? Mike? He's sleeping?

1:03:21 Drew I think I hear him. Mike?

1:03:23 Caller Listen.

1:03:28 Drew Come on, Mike, breathe for us.

1:03:29 James Marsters Mike's a beer drinker.

1:03:30 Drew There he is. You can just hear him.

1:03:31 Adam Drew, you're a doctor. Why don't you give him one of those? Breathe, damn it!

1:03:34 Drew No, no, wait, I heard him breathing. You hear him a little bit?

1:03:37 Adam Yeah, but it's not enough to be funny. I like it when our callers fall asleep and snore like Yogi Bear snores. And after he eats a picnic basket and falls asleep under the tree.

1:03:49 Drew Fred Plastone.

1:03:53 Adam Nobody just... Everyone has sleep apnea in cartoons, you notice that? No one just sleeps. Belinda?

1:04:00 Caller Yeah.

1:04:00 Adam You're 19.

1:04:01 Caller Yeah.

1:04:02 Adam What's up?

1:04:03 Caller I just lost my virginity on February 1st. And recently, I'm not too sure what this is. My vagina, I've gotten like... It's like a kind of bubble type thing. It's swollen. And if I'll touch it or like... I don't know. I don't want to say. It's not like a pimple or anything like that. It's like huge, like on the size of my vagina. And I don't know if I got an SPD or...

1:04:31 Drew Is it in the wall of the vagina or the lips or is it like a lymph node near your leg?

1:04:35 Caller It's like on the outside, like near my leg, but it's actually on my vagina.

1:04:42 Drew All right. It's probably an infected gland, like a Bartholomew's gland.

1:04:48 Adam You have glands down there?

1:04:50 Caller Yeah.

1:04:52 Adam In the lips there?

1:04:53 Drew Yeah. Hot towels, hot compresses, hot baths. But you need to get your doctor to take a look at it. Can you see anything in the lining of the lips there?

1:05:01 Caller No.

1:05:02 Caller I haven't seen anything.

1:05:04 Adam Is it like a big boil?

1:05:06 Drew I guess so. But deep inside, right?

1:05:09 Caller Yeah.

1:05:10 Adam What do you mean deep inside?

1:05:11 Drew Deep in the wall of the lips, basically, of the vagina. It's thick.

1:05:16 Adam You can't pierce it.

1:05:17 Drew You don't see it at the surface. No, you can't. You can get big lymph nodes down there. Actually, when they're in certain diseases, they're called buboes. Bubos.

1:05:25 Adam Yeah. That was a yogi's partner.

1:05:27 Drew Bubos.

1:05:28 Adam Hey, buboes.

1:05:28 Drew It's actually where bubonic plague came from.

1:05:31 Adam Interesting.

1:05:32 Drew Bubonic plague. Those were buboes. But it's something that doctors should look at. Sometimes they have to be lanced and packed and all kinds of good stuff. But it's not really an STD per se, I suspect.

1:05:43 Adam You'll be glad to hear this. You know, I do all my own lancing. Drew hates this. But I've done my fair share of surgery on myself. You know, lancing and stuff like that. You know, my buddy Ray, he's got a scalpel. His doctor gave him. You do?

1:06:00 Drew Would you get this way? I don't want to be in the state when Ray has a sharp object.

1:06:05 Adam Ray could talk the Pope out of his hat.

1:06:07 Drew That's right.

1:06:08 Adam He really could. He talked this doctor into giving him a scalpel. Ray, who had like a cyst in his earlobe, did a little surgery the other day on him.

1:06:17 Caller Oh, that's great.

1:06:18 Adam Good size surgery.

1:06:19 James Marsters That's pretty sweet.

1:06:20 Caller Yeah.

1:06:21 Adam These are mountain men.

1:06:22 Caller Yeah.

1:06:22 James Marsters So what have you cut off? What have you?

1:06:24 Adam Half his earlobe. Well, it wasn't, he didn't take his earlobe off. He just had like a big cyst or something at the bottom of his earlobe. He just sliced and I saw the videotape of it. My buddy videotaped it. Drew, you don't give scalpel out to your patients?

1:06:38 Drew No.

1:06:39 Adam Even when you're out of suckers?

1:06:41 Drew No, even then, even then, that's scalpel.

1:06:43 Adam Interesting.

1:06:44 Drew Lots of things that couldn't give up.

1:06:45 Adam They go home with nothing then, huh?

1:06:47 Drew Nothing sharp.

1:06:48 Adam All right.

1:06:48 Drew That's sort of a policy.

1:06:49 Adam Hey, hey, hey, hey, you're the doctor.

1:06:51 Drew But I do want to talk to Ray's doctor. Because if he doesn't know what he's dealing with there, we can have a little chat with him.

1:06:55 Adam Come on. We'll take a little break. We'll be back after this.

1:07:04 Drew Loveline will be right back.

1:07:33 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. James Marsters is our guest tonight. He is Vampire Spike. From Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Eight o'clock, WB, Tuesdays. Fourth season, right?

1:07:46 James Marsters Yeah, yeah.

1:07:47 Caller We're gonna go a couple more.

1:07:48 Adam Going strong. Where do you shoot that?

1:07:50 James Marsters Right over in Santa Monica. We have a little tiny stage. It's got three small, small stages and about 400 square feet of grass, which we use for everything.

1:08:01 Adam And that keeps you busy, right? I mean, when you're shooting a film, it's not like doing a sitcom.

1:08:07 James Marsters No, it's 12 to 20 hours a day.

1:08:10 Adam Yeah.

1:08:11 James Marsters But that's not for me. That's for the people who are in it all the time. I come in and quip and go back to bed.

1:08:17 Adam But...

1:08:17 James Marsters Of course, Buffy works all the time.

1:08:20 Adam Yeah.

1:08:21 Drew She's on everything. I was just looking at one of those chick magazines that you're looking through. She's on everything.

1:08:25 James Marsters Yeah, I know. She's very cute.

1:08:28 Adam She's cute, yeah. But...

1:08:34 James Marsters Don't you think the combination between kicking ass and being cute is kind of cool?

1:08:38 Adam See, unlike most of the retards that listen to this program and watch television, I can separate the celebrity from the role they play on television. Even when I was younger and I'd watch Space 1999.

1:08:55 Drew I dream of Jeannie?

1:08:56 Adam I dream of Jeannie. I knew Lauren Green didn't actually have a spaceship.

1:09:00 Drew But you did think Jeannie was a Jane?

1:09:01 Adam That I bought.

1:09:03 James Marsters No, no, no. It's Battlestar Galactica.

1:09:05 Adam Oh, is that Lauren Green?

1:09:06 James Marsters That's Lauren Green.

1:09:07 Adam I don't know who was on the other one.

1:09:08 James Marsters He won an Oscar for it.

1:09:11 Adam The F Word again.

1:09:12 Caller Hey, Brett.

1:09:13 Adam Wake up.

1:09:14 James Marsters It's microphone back.

1:09:16 Adam We just took the F Word here.

1:09:18 James Marsters Martin Landau.

1:09:19 Adam The point is, I'm not so interested in their on-screen persona. I like to just, I just judge them on their own merits, outside of what the script tells them to do, I guess. And she's cute, but not so cute that she should be on the cover of everything. That's my take. And I don't mean that in a bad way. There's just certain people, they must have good publicists, or I believe the media sort of feeds on itself every once in a while. And there's a few of them that are out there, that people decided other people were attracted to.

1:09:57 James Marsters Yeah, I mean, Time Warner has started a network, which has started, that was floating on Buffy. So they're going to get around all those magazines. Yeah, my other, but she's also got really good teeth.

1:10:09 Adam Good point. Yeah, listen, there's nothing wrong with her. Don't get me wrong. Brenda?

1:10:14 Caller Yes.

1:10:15 Adam You're 22. What's up?

1:10:18 Caller I've had my period for like over four months right now.

1:10:22 Adam Kill yourself.

1:10:23 Drew And?

1:10:24 Caller I feel like I'm going to bleed to death.

1:10:26 Drew No, no. You're taking iron?

1:10:28 Caller No, I'm taking Lvoxel.

1:10:30 Drew Well, that might be doing it.

1:10:31 Adam What is that, Drew?

1:10:32 Drew It's a serotonin reuptake inhibitor that's particularly good for obsessive-compulsive disorder.

1:10:37 Caller Well, it's good for my thyroid.

1:10:40 Drew Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said Lvoxel. Lvoxel is a thyroid medication. It's thyroxine. Yeah, but this functional uterine bleeding, which is what you're describing, is usually comes from too little thyroid. Not too much thyroid. So have you had your thyroid checked?

1:10:54 Caller I have. Yeah, I have Graves' disease as a diagnosis.

1:10:57 Drew Yeah, so they ablated you, right?

1:10:59 Caller Yeah, I had an ablation, and I actually ran out of health insurance, so I have not been able to go to the doctor's, and Planned Parenthood won't take me, because they think it's something too serious for them to deal with.

1:11:12 Drew So you've not been taking your thyroid medication?

1:11:15 Caller Yeah, I take it every day, but like sometimes on the weekend, I won't take it, and then like this weekend, I didn't take it, and my period stopped.

1:11:25 Drew So you have no idea where you are? You don't know if you're on enough, too little, too much?

1:11:30 Caller Exactly.

1:11:30 Adam You got to go to a university or a county facility.

1:11:33 Drew They'll treat you for free.

1:11:35 Caller They will.

1:11:36 Drew Effectively, if you don't have money.

1:11:38 Caller Okay.

1:11:38 Adam Well, they'll send you a bill, you just don't pay it.

1:11:40 Drew That's what I did. County facility.

1:11:42 Adam Yeah, it's great. Don't worry, you'll be behind 600 hobos who are vomiting, but eventually they'll get to you. Oh, yeah. Oh, I've got to go down. Oh, I've been to that county, USC.

1:11:54 Drew I lived there for a while.

1:11:56 Adam Oh, my God. Michael?

1:11:59 Caller Hey, how's it going?

1:12:00 Adam Good. You're 21. What's up?

1:12:01 Caller I have a question for James, actually.

1:12:04 Caller I'm a big fan of the show and of his performance in general.

1:12:07 Drew I was just wondering how he got started and what advice he could give.

1:12:12 James Marsters I was one of those guys who wanted to be an actor from sixth grade. You don't have to do that, though. I would suggest go out and experience as much as life as you can and then do stage. Do a lot of stage. A lot of stage? Yeah.

1:12:31 Drew Then when you come to LA, I don't seem to be able to get anything else other than local stage stuff.

1:12:36 James Marsters Well, do that then.

1:12:37 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:12:38 Drew From Bakersfield.

1:12:39 James Marsters Bakersfield? Oh, yeah. You're 21? Check out an acting program in Santa Maria, California. It's called the Pacific Conservatory of the Performing Arts in John Hancock College.

1:12:51 Caller Okay.

1:12:51 James Marsters Fabulous acting program. I did two years there and it's cheap.

1:12:57 Caller Wow.

1:12:58 Caller Thanks a lot.

1:12:58 James Marsters Yeah.

1:12:59 Caller Do you have anything else going on except for Buffy right now?

1:13:01 James Marsters No, man.

1:13:02 Caller No.

1:13:02 James Marsters I'm auditioning like a million other actors in LA trying to get some more for the summer.

1:13:06 Caller Really?

1:13:06 Caller I think you do a great job on the accent.

1:13:07 Caller You can't even tell.

1:13:09 James Marsters Thank you, man. Thank you.

1:13:10 Adam Yeah.

1:13:10 James Marsters A lot of people in England think I'm English. Really?

1:13:12 Adam That's a supreme compliment. Most of the time people make fun of someone doing their accent.

1:13:19 James Marsters Yeah. Well, I got better. I've had four years to practice and one of the cast members is English, so he helps me out a lot.

1:13:26 Adam You went to Juilliard too?

1:13:28 James Marsters Yeah. Sucked.

1:13:31 Adam Really?

1:13:32 James Marsters Why? Juilliard has a really great name, but its best days were a long time ago.

1:13:39 Drew Really?

1:13:40 Adam Interesting.

1:13:40 James Marsters They're big on technique, so you get to speak very well, but they don't pay a lot of attention to acting.

1:13:44 Adam Kenny?

1:13:45 Drew It's mostly music.

1:13:47 James Marsters Yeah. Music, dance, but yeah, it made its name. It's been a theater school since 1968, I think. But yeah, the first couple of years were good.

1:13:57 Adam Kenny? What's up?

1:13:59 Caller Yeah. I was at your show on Saturday.

1:14:02 Adam Oh, you went to the Trampoline Cattle Call?

1:14:04 Caller Yeah.

1:14:05 Caller That was a nice show, man.

1:14:06 Adam Yeah. Thank you.

1:14:07 Caller I was wondering when you guys were going to do it again or when is it going to be on TV?

1:14:11 Adam The Trampoline Cattle Call, which thanks for asking, we filmed for the Man Show yesterday in Long Beach. Oh man, it was like it was about to rain the entire day. It was the world's worst day for the Trampoline Cattle Call. But you want to know the difference between guys and girls? Ten chicks showed up to jump on the trampoline and three hundred guys showed up to watch the chicks jump on the trampoline. Doug DeLuca, one of our producers, who basically is this big guinea from New York who just eats cheese all day, he leans over to me and he looks at the 350 guys that are standing behind the barricade and the five chicks that are getting ready to jump on the trampoline and he goes, this is why I don't invite guys to my party. He goes, they'll show up anyway. And it's true, you don't have to invite guys places. We never invited guys. We did a couple of spots on the radio saying, ladies, you want to jump on a trampoline? Show up in Long Beach at this park at this time. Lo and behold, 300 guys showed up and five chicks. You do not. Hey, if you throw a party, don't invite guys. They will show up. Believe me, they will show up. All right. But anyway, turned out to be a good time. And the guys were very raucous and the chicks were pulling their tops up and the cops were standing around. It was fun to be had by all. Yeah, Sheila, it's rough. You're 25. What's up?

1:15:40 Caller I was looking in a dirty magazine and they showed this guy in there and he had two penises.

1:15:46 Caller You know.

1:15:48 Adam You sure? Yeah. Because they do a lot of stuff with that Photoshop now. A lot of stuff.

1:15:54 Caller Well, I was wondering, Adam, since you have such an extensive knowledge in pornography, have you ever seen anything like that?

1:16:02 Adam Now, listen, there's two things that go on. There's some use of prosthetics in pornography. There are. There are guys who have this, you know, abnormally large penises that are not real penises. And there's a woman or two that have these breasts that are out to hear that are not their own. They're like prosthetic.

1:16:23 Caller Is that a turn off?

1:16:25 Adam Pardon me?

1:16:25 Caller Do you think are fake boobs a turn off?

1:16:28 Adam Yeah. Silicone I could live with, but when the whole, when the outside's made of silicone, too, it's not a great thing.

1:16:36 Drew Does it look weird?

1:16:37 Adam No. Here's how you can tell, here's how you can tell the prosthetic one. There's a sort of suspicious looking truss type thing that's holding it on, but they'll fashion it as if it's some sort of medieval jockstrap or some medieval bra or something, but it's really there to sort of hide the seam and to hold the thing on, and that's why it's there. So when you see that, it's a tip. It's a tell, as we say, in the prosthetic porno business.

1:17:08 James Marsters I saw a picture of a guy with two teeth.

1:17:11 Adam Really?

1:17:12 James Marsters Yeah, and it was a Robert, a Mapplethorpe photograph, and he split it up the middle. It's a surgical thing.

1:17:21 Drew You cut your penis in half.

1:17:22 James Marsters Oh, it's a split.

1:17:23 Drew Yeah, the split thing we've heard of.

1:17:24 James Marsters And you end up with two.

1:17:25 Drew It's not really two, but it's a split.

1:17:27 James Marsters Two very small penises.

1:17:28 Drew It's a split.

1:17:29 James Marsters Half size.

1:17:29 Drew Most of those guys have like bars through it and stuff too on top of that. Do they have much other stuff going on?

1:17:35 James Marsters No, I turned a page on that one pretty quickly.

1:17:38 Adam What is this? Is this Mapplethorpe? Is he just some kind of crazy homo? Is this Cheryl, his stilt with the world?

1:17:44 James Marsters Yeah, but he takes good photographs. Yeah. Well, you will see a corner of life that you probably wouldn't otherwise see. I never would have seen two penises on one guy if I hadn't mentioned that.

1:17:52 Adam Not interested in that. Not interested.

1:17:55 Drew We'll have a call from somebody with two penises before the hour's up.

1:17:57 Adam No, we won't. Now, the other thing they do in these porno magazines is they add penises to like beautiful women. It's the he-she thing, you know, and call this number and speak to a he-she advertisement in the back of the magazine. But instead of the troll that actually had the procedure done, they just take a picture of a very beautiful woman, and they just sort of photoshop the penis onto it, so it looks like, yeah, all right.

1:18:23 Drew Let me ask you this.

1:18:24 Adam There's way too much of this in these magazines, by the way.

1:18:27 Drew Well, yeah.

1:18:28 Adam Between this, the two things that, the two trends that bother me, you pick up a hustler or even a penthouse, you flip to the back where the ads are, and every other one is a female with a penis, or when you look through the body of the magazine, a lot of urination going on, and I've yelled about it before on the air, what percentage of guys really want to see the woman with the penis or the chick taking the whiz on the guy, I gotta believe it's a minority. It's gotta be a small percentage of guys. Why we have to be hit over the head with this, I don't know, I want to sue the company because I got my penis out, I'm going, I'm in full effect, and all of a sudden, there's the chick with the Johnson and now it's ruined.

1:19:15 Drew Back to zero.

1:19:16 Adam That's right, I got to start from scratch.

1:19:18 Drew Yeah, I've been asked a lot when I've been traveling around about this thing of guys and lesbians too.

1:19:23 Adam What do you mean guys and lesbians?

1:19:25 Drew Well, I always get the question from these women, why are guys so into lesbians? Why this lesbian thing?

1:19:29 Adam Two vaginas.

1:19:30 Drew Well, that's what I thought, one is good, two is better, yeah. But then I started thinking, you know these guys that get the sex change operations to become women, to have lesbian relationships, as though there's something more about that lesbian attraction that guys have than just two.

1:19:45 Adam Well, there may be an element of that, it's two and it's naughty and it's every, it's...

1:19:49 Drew And also you don't have to worry about the guy, you know, there's no, no other, there's no competition. There's no competition.

1:19:53 Adam And that I understand.

1:19:54 James Marsters But in pornography, you're always imagining yourself with the people in the spread.

1:19:59 Drew You're the guy.

1:19:59 James Marsters So if there's two guys, two girls and a lesbian, you're imagining yourself in there, you're in a mix somewhere.

1:20:04 Adam I don't do that.

1:20:05 James Marsters No? You flip through the lesbian stuff?

1:20:07 Adam I don't even have a good enough imagination to put my own penis into pornography, I just look at it. I don't put myself in it. I look at it like I go to the auto show. I don't put myself in the car, I just look.

1:20:22 James Marsters It's just a nice car.

1:20:23 Adam I still get an erection. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. I'd like to know what percentage of guys put their penis into the pornography.

1:20:34 Drew 90%.

1:20:35 Adam Is it 90? I've talked to other guys who haven't. They may have just been sympathetic to Michael.

1:20:41 Drew I think the other guy in the Fornos is you. You know what I'm saying? Usually. There's a purpose in there.

1:20:48 Adam It's to be you. Yeah. But you don't want to just watch? I mean, don't you?

1:20:55 Drew There is actually...

1:20:56 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:20:57 Drew Anthropologists have studied this. And actually, humans will want to just watch, too.

1:21:00 Adam Yeah. I could have myself to that. I don't have that rich or vivid imagination that I could put myself in there.

1:21:08 James Marsters You know, back in the caves, we were all having group sex, don't you think?

1:21:10 Adam We were?

1:21:11 Caller Yeah.

1:21:11 James Marsters Not without bedrooms back then.

1:21:13 Drew We were just beating the crap out of each other.

1:21:14 James Marsters We were just all sitting around a fire and they just start up.

1:21:17 Caller George? Hey.

1:21:18 Adam You're 16?

1:21:20 Caller Um, I don't know if you remember, but last week, like I called in and Adam helped me out with like my election thing.

1:21:26 Adam Oh, that's right.

1:21:27 Caller What?

1:21:27 Adam Yeah, you were running for Vice President.

1:21:29 Caller Right.

1:21:30 Adam And you wanted to put a speech together.

1:21:32 Caller Right.

1:21:33 Adam And I told you to open with a Pollock joke.

1:21:35 Caller Right.

1:21:36 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you win?

1:21:38 Adam How to go?

1:21:40 Caller Um, so like, you know how you told me to like get all crazy?

1:21:45 Adam By the way, I can't believe you're running for Vice President of anything.

1:21:48 Drew But go ahead. So you sold them to be funny.

1:21:50 Adam So how to go?

1:21:52 Caller So like, you know how you told me to crumple a piece of paper, right? Like drop it on the ground?

1:21:56 Adam Oh, that's right. Here's what I told. I told George to go out there with a blank piece of paper, look down at it and say, hey, students and esteemed faculty, we're gathered here today and then go, I can't do this and then crumple the blank piece of paper and throw it on the ground and go, listen, I got to speak to you as a student.

1:22:16 Drew From the heart.

1:22:16 Adam From the heart. And I thought that was ingenious. We'll see how that went.

1:22:20 Drew George?

1:22:21 Caller So check it out, right? Yeah.

1:22:23 Adam Did you do that?

1:22:24 Caller Yeah, I did. And like everyone like cracked up, right? Yeah. All right. So the problem is, you know how I was running against two other girls, right? Yeah. I got into like, I guess, I didn't win by a majority against the other girl.

1:22:37 Adam I told you to call him fat whore or so, right?

1:22:40 Caller Oh, but like.

1:22:40 Drew You're gonna run off.

1:22:43 Adam Oh. Don't use the F word, you idiot.

1:22:46 Caller Sorry, sir.

1:22:47 Adam All right.

1:22:47 Drew You're gonna run off with another girl, right?

1:22:49 Adam Yeah.

1:22:49 Caller So like, I gotta come up with like another speech for like next week.

1:22:52 Drew Adam, here you go.

1:22:54 Caller And I need you to like help me top this one off.

1:22:58 Adam This time you bring two pieces of paper out there. Okay. So why do you have to deliver another speech for the runoff?

1:23:06 Caller Well.

1:23:06 Adam Is that how it works?

1:23:08 Caller Like be like, oh, you guys are great.

1:23:10 Caller You know, you guys voted for me last week. So I need like your support again, again this week and.

1:23:16 Adam Okay. Okay. Here's how you, here's how you start it. Many of you don't think the vice presidency is an important job. But after the president is shot in Texas, I'll be taking the stick and running this school. And here's what I plan. Lunch, four hours, nutrition, an hour and 45 minutes. And cheerleaders will be forced to wear their outfits during the day, not just at the big game. We will burn, we'll make one of those big bonfires that killed all the kids made out of logs. Every Friday, we'll burn one of those. I'll put two cars in every garage and a chicken in every pot, and a bong in every mouth. And I will outlaw peachy folders because they give me a headache. And you'll keep your own books. You'll no longer have to cover them or return them. And I'll do away with reading, writing, and arithmetic, and replace it with hog calling. Furthermore, everyone will be issued a driver's license, and Friday will be beer day. Let's see, what else? I will encourage gangs to wear their colors to school, and I will have the combo to every locker. All female teachers that are overweight will be banned, and all kids will have access to the teacher's lounge. I'll put cigarette machines and candy machines in every hall. Let's see, what else, Drew?

1:25:19 Drew I think I covered it.

1:25:20 Adam I think that's about it. George?

1:25:23 Caller Yeah.

1:25:23 Adam Okay.

1:25:25 Caller Adam?

1:25:25 Adam Did you get that?

1:25:26 Caller But like, I'm running for the key club vice president.

1:25:30 Adam Oh, that's right. It's the key club. Yeah, not the school. Yeah, what does the key club do?

1:25:35 Caller Helps out the community through certain projects.

1:25:37 Adam Okay. Crank up the music again. I will get the elderly laid, and I will put the retards to work, and the homeless, I will cover with a tarp, and veterans, I will give them their own home, and I'll call the veterans home. But wait, that's already been invented. So I'll call it a veterans condo, and they can all swap stories about what they did in the war. Alright George, I'm not sure what you need to do with the Key Clubs. I just, you know what, just count on winning. But don't prepare, okay?

1:26:21 Caller Just like go in there and...

1:26:23 Adam Yeah, yeah, that's what I've always, that's how I've run my life, and it's worked out.

1:26:27 James Marsters Never be afraid of a hollow promise.

1:26:29 Adam That's right. We'll take ourselves a little break, we'll be back after this.

1:26:34 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:26:37 Caller Call Love Line 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:42 Caller Love Line will be right back.

1:27:21 Adam James Marsters is our guest tonight. He is from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He is Spike the Vampire. Eight o'clock, Wednesday night, sorry, Tuesday nights on the Duh-Buh Duh-Buh, Duh-Buh Duh-Buh Duh-Buh B. Hi, a little more left of the show. See if we can power through some calls. Gary at 19.

1:27:40 Caller Hi.

1:27:40 Adam You have sores all over your face.

1:27:43 Caller Yeah.

1:27:44 Adam And body.

1:27:46 Caller Well, they've been spreading to like my thighs and my chest area, but they're mostly on my face.

1:27:54 Adam And what do you think they are?

1:27:56 Caller I have no idea.

1:27:57 Drew Why don't you see a doctor?

1:27:59 Caller Well, I was going to and then I just got fired from my job, so I lost my health insurance.

1:28:04 Drew Why did you get fired?

1:28:06 Caller Huh?

1:28:06 Drew Why did you get fired?

1:28:08 Caller They said they couldn't afford me anymore.

1:28:11 Drew Are you taking any drugs at all?

1:28:14 Caller No. I was.

1:28:16 Drew What drug?

1:28:17 Caller Over a year ago.

1:28:19 Drew What drug?

1:28:20 Caller Crystal meth.

1:28:21 Drew You're not doing it now?

1:28:23 Caller No.

1:28:23 Drew Carrie?

1:28:25 Caller I'm not doing anything.

1:28:26 Drew Because seriously, Carrie, the scab is a typical speed rash called Picker's Syndrome. You still pick a lot of these things?

1:28:36 Caller Yeah.

1:28:37 Drew Yeah, you maybe still have pickers. You swear to God. Listen, nobody knows who you are. Play anonymous. You're not doing any stimulants.

1:28:46 Caller No.

1:28:47 Drew Well, for some reason, you're still got this Picker's Syndrome.

1:28:49 Adam Still sounds like it too. Carrie?

1:28:53 Caller Yeah.

1:28:53 Adam Carrie, you need to just go to some free clinic or something.

1:28:57 Caller Do they have that for like a dermatology kind of thing?

1:29:00 Adam Yeah. Let someone assess you.

1:29:01 Drew You got to talk to them about your speed habit though, because that's a big, big piece of this, probably.

1:29:05 Adam Kevin?

1:29:06 Caller Yeah.

1:29:06 Adam You're 27.

1:29:08 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:29:08 Caller I was just wondering if there's a perfume, you know, that's supposed to attract girls.

1:29:14 Adam That's right.

1:29:15 Caller Pheromones.

1:29:16 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:29:17 Caller That works.

1:29:18 Adam Yeah.

1:29:18 Drew Of course.

1:29:19 Adam That's right.

1:29:20 Caller Works perfectly, right?

1:29:21 Drew Of course.

1:29:21 Adam The same woman who was repulsed by you hours earlier would be all over you if you sprayed just one drop of this on your face.

1:29:29 Drew Yeah. Men really have misconception about what makes women tick.

1:29:33 Adam Kevin?

1:29:33 Caller Yeah.

1:29:34 Adam You're 27.

1:29:35 Caller Yeah.

1:29:36 Adam Stop living in a fantasy world.

1:29:38 Drew If you were 14, we would have some empathy for you. 27, come on.

1:29:43 Adam Kevin, don't waste your money on the pheromone spray. You buy the x-ray goggles so you can see the chicks at the gym, all right?

1:29:49 Drew I've tried that. Do that or a little actual vocational training.

1:29:52 James Marsters Get a really good haircut.

1:29:53 Drew Vocational training.

1:29:54 Adam I love it when guys' sort of adolescent fantasies carry well into their adult life. I mean, every kid had that. I mean, you know, first one was like, what if I had, like, x-ray goggles? And then for me, it graduated into, what if I could make myself invisible? I could go in. They would just see sperm flying from the air. Where's that sperm coming from?

1:30:21 James Marsters Yeah, but Lado is the same thing, right?

1:30:23 Adam Yeah.

1:30:23 James Marsters Is that gonna happen to you?

1:30:25 Adam But then it's like, then it graduates into Spanish Fly, and then it's some sort of pheromone thing. It's all about trying to sort of trick a woman into...

1:30:35 Drew No, to wanting you. To turn a woman into as desperate a male as you.

1:30:39 Adam Right.

1:30:40 James Marsters Well, they're working on a female viagra. Now, if you could slip a female viagra.

1:30:44 Adam Right, I mean, that's... Think about the mentality of the guys who slip the roofies into the drinks and do the raping. It's that sort of... A guy's in his 30s, but he's kind of locked in to sort of 12-year-old fantasy. I mean, I could remember having... And I think every guy has this when you're growing up, and I don't even think it's rape. It's like your sister's throwing a slumber party, got a couple of cute friends, they're asleep in the next room, you fancy it. What if they were so much asleep that I could go in there and pull their top up and look at them? And I think that's just what happens with the roofie. It's like arrested development.

1:31:23 Caller Probably.

1:31:24 Adam All right. Jen?

1:31:27 Caller Hi.

1:31:27 Adam You're 22.

1:31:28 Caller Yeah, you guys are awesome. Adam, I saw the Wool Man Show. It was pretty cool.

1:31:32 Adam Oh, yeah. The Wool Man Show. Yeah.

1:31:33 Caller Thank you. I was calling because I'm a virgin. I've never had a boyfriend. And when I hook up with guys, it's only when I'm drunk. And if I really like the guy, like if I feel emotional attachment, even if I'm drunk, I can't hook up with them.

1:31:46 Drew What do you mean hook up? You got to define that for us.

1:31:48 Caller Okay.

1:31:48 Caller Well, usually just kiss.

1:31:49 Caller I've done a little more, but not much.

1:31:52 Drew Say it again, that you can't hook up unless you're drunk?

1:31:54 Caller Yeah. Well, I don't know. That's how it is. I've never like hooked up with somebody if I didn't have alcohol in me.

1:32:01 Adam Are you a virgin?

1:32:02 Caller Yeah.

1:32:03 Adam Really? You're 22?

1:32:04 Caller Yeah.

1:32:05 Adam What's up? And you're drinking?

1:32:07 Caller Yeah. Well, I was Catholic. So for a long time, it was because of religion. Right. Now I'm not going to church with my some stuff, and I don't know. When I drink, I usually, well, you would say, I guess I have no momentum or whatever.

1:32:21 Drew So you have alcohol in your family?

1:32:23 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:32:24 Drew So there's that going on here.

1:32:28 Caller And I don't like, I don't. I know it's really hard for me to like, like be vulnerable and just like relax with a guy I can't. Like I don't know.

1:32:35 Drew So you use alcohol as a way of dealing with that. Yeah.

1:32:37 Adam But yet you're 22 and you're a virgin.

1:32:39 Caller Yeah.

1:32:40 Adam Anything ever happened to you?

1:32:42 Caller No.

1:32:42 Caller Huh?

1:32:43 Caller No.

1:32:44 Adam Nobody ever fiddled with your junk?

1:32:46 Caller No. Well, like when I was a little girl, like another girl, but that was when I was a little kid.

1:32:50 Caller When I was a little too.

1:32:52 Drew That child on child abuse is one of the most common forms of abuse out there right now.

1:32:57 Caller Actually, her dad caught us, but...

1:32:59 Drew What were you actually doing?

1:33:01 Caller I just like touching her.

1:33:02 Caller We were a little... Touching her?

1:33:04 Caller She was like a year older than me.

1:33:05 Drew Just kind of exploring?

1:33:06 Adam That was it?

1:33:07 Drew It wasn't a sexual thing.

1:33:08 Adam Nothing weird after that, huh?

1:33:10 Caller No. Never.

1:33:11 Caller No.

1:33:11 Adam Did your dad ever beat on you?

1:33:12 Caller No.

1:33:13 Caller Oh, no.

1:33:13 Caller No.

1:33:14 Caller I'm super close with him.

1:33:15 Caller We're like best friends.

1:33:17 Adam Are you overweight?

1:33:19 Caller Maybe like 15 pounds, but not like...

1:33:23 Adam Not enough to break the deal.

1:33:25 Caller No.

1:33:25 Adam Okay. I was just wondering why you're a virgin at 22.

1:33:30 Caller Because every time, like, I mean, I've never had a serious boyfriend, so I've never had someone who I would be... I think if I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't be.

1:33:39 Drew Who is the alcoholic in your family, by the way?

1:33:42 Caller Well, my mom drinks a cup of glass of wine every day. All right. Her dad is an alcoholic.

1:33:46 Drew Okay.

1:33:47 Caller All right.

1:33:47 Adam All right. I wonder if Grandpa ever did anything.

1:33:49 Drew Yeah. I don't know what to tell Jen, except if she wants that relationship to make a point of going out and establishing one. What more can you say? The momentum with alcohol is an issue. Let's deal with it. Let's go to A.

1:34:00 Adam I got a case of booze waiting for me in my garage. All right.

1:34:03 Drew You're on your way.

1:34:04 Adam We'll be back.

1:34:06 Drew Loveline. Loveline. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:34:41 Adam All right, that is it with the Fabulous Show. I want to thank James Marsters for coming in tonight. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday nights, 8 o'clock on the wwwwb, everybody.

1:34:58 James Marsters Thanks for having me, man. This is great.

1:34:59 Adam Thanks for coming in and coming and join us again sometime soon. Give it like three years. No, just a couple of months.

1:35:06 James Marsters A couple of weeks if I don't long enough.

1:35:08 Adam These Jews, they're so pushy. We're talking about something no one understands. I'll explain it soon until next time. This is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:17 Caller Never date a man who knows more about your vagina than you do.

1:35:20 Adam Well now.

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Sunday, March 5, 2000