Episode 1000754887875

0:54 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:03 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:05 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:07 Voiceover Loveline.

1:09 Adam Yes, it is a Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is Alex Borstein and Seth MacFarlane, both from the Family Guy, one of my favorite shows.

1:30 Unacceptable.

1:35 Guest Listen to that.

1:35 Adam That would be Stewie, wouldn't it?

1:37 Guest That would be Stewie, yes.

1:39 Adam Seth, let's see, I'll get everyone caught up here. Alex, you know, from MAD-TV and other endeavors, Alex and I go way back, probably good seven, maybe eight years now from the Acme Comedy Theater, where we met her husband, which sounds strange because when I picture her husband, I picture him smoking on a ten-foot novelty PVC fashion ball that took four men to operate with a shopping cart in his bedroom and living on the third floor or fourth floor of an apartment in a shopping cart in his bedroom filled with dirty clothes.

2:20 Guest That's my boy.

2:21 Adam Oh, man. And so Alex is the voice of Lois, the mother on the Family Guy, and Seth is the creator and is Peter Stewie.

2:33 Guest He's everyone else basically.

2:35 Adam Right. Peter the Family Guy and Stewie being the young infant who's going to take over the world and then there's Brian the dog and I I'll tell you and I this isn't ass-kissing because I did an episode recently and Drew and I contributed to one couple months back but this is one of my favorite shows. It has been since it's been on and I laugh out loud at it.

3:03 Drew You know your receptionist there? Judy? Is that her name?

3:06 Guest Which one?

3:07 Drew The one that says she's a very friend. Her mom is a big fan of Loveline.

3:11 Guest Elaine, my assistant, yeah.

3:12 Drew Her mom walked up to me on a presentation in Illinois.

3:15 Guest Oh really?

3:16 Drew How bizarre is that? Like a week later.

3:17 Adam And tried to put a shiv in him.

3:21 Guest Oh man, that sounds like her mom.

3:24 Adam I find the show, I'm a sucker for this because I've always loved The Simpsons, but it is just, it's a laugh out loud for me. It's very reverent and it makes fun everybody. It has a great, great edge to it and I really, really enjoy this show.

3:44 Guest By the way, I'm going to cry, Adam, my God.

3:46 Adam Tuesday nights, 8.30 on Fox and I'm glad it's back.

3:50 Guest Well, we appreciate it.

3:52 Adam I really am. I'm just a tremendous fan of it. And Seth, how did, so you created the show.

3:59 Guest Uh-huh.

3:59 Adam And what were you working on before this? I mean, how did you get this one in?

4:03 Guest I spent about two years working for Hanna-Barbera, the classic cartoon studio over there. And I worked on this pilot while I was there. And pitch it to Fox. And what happened was, they said, all right, we'll give you a small budget to produce a pilot. So basically it meant spending six months animating this thing at home and pitching it to them at the end of six months, showing them the footage, and they bought 13 episodes. So it was relatively fast, I guess, by some standards.

4:35 Guest Who helped make it happen?

4:36 Guest Oh, come on.

4:37 Guest Who helped?

4:39 Alex. Oh, sad stuff.

4:43 Adam You don't draw any of the characters, do you, Seth?

4:46 Guest I do, actually.

4:46 Adam Oh my God. What a ball of talent this guy is.

4:49 Guest Oh, come on.

4:50 Adam Really, he does seven-eighths of the voices, or I should say four-fifths of the voices, and produces the thing, and the characters then are yours?

5:02 Drew Adam, you're ashamed of yourself, calling yourself a genius.

5:06 I know.

5:07 You're ashamed of yourself.

5:08 Guest Oh, God. Can I tell them what you did for us?

5:10 Sure.

5:11 Guest What the hell? Rarely do I laugh out loud. We work these long hours. Adam came in and did the voice of death for an episode that we just recorded, and this man is hysterical, let me tell you.

5:29 Guest Death as in the Grim Reaper?

5:30 Guest Yes, as in the Grim Reaper, as in the cowl, the scythe.

5:33 Adam You hear that, Drew?

5:34 Drew You're hysterical as death.

5:36 Adam Yes. That's right.

5:38 Drew When you kill an audience, it has a different meaning.

5:41 Adam I do it with a sickle. And when will that air? Because I've done a lot of shows, and I've had some success, but this would be the biggest feather in my caps in Space Coast.

5:54 Guest In Space Coast, Coast to Coast? Oh, yeah.

5:56 Drew We enjoyed that.

5:57 Guest There you go.

5:58 Adam Yeah, but this will be even better. This is bigger.

6:01 Guest This takes us about 33 weeks to produce each one of these episodes.

6:05 Guest That's like you're talking like a baby. What is that like real?

6:08 Adam Four years.

6:09 Guest Is it like nine months?

6:09 Guest I have never figured that out. I've never done the math.

6:11 Adam So 33 weeks is like seven, six and a half, six months, something like that.

6:16 Guest Yeah.

6:17 Adam So this will air six months from now?

6:20 Guest Yeah, at least.

6:22 Adam I'll tell you, I love this show and I hope I'm around to see it. Alex, now, so I did this with Seth last week and then the week before, Alex came over and helped us by doing the voice of Rosie O'Donnell who was trapped in the well.

6:38 Caller Oh my God. This is too funny.

6:39 Did you see the footage of that?

6:41 Guest I saw a bit of it before we had to go.

6:42 Drew It's so funny.

6:44 Adam It's floating around in my car.

6:47 Drew I actually watched Loveline for the first time in about six months. Really? I saw another one of your genius inventions.

6:53 Adam Which was?

6:54 Drew Which was displayed or at least discussed on the show, which was the projection screen for love making. Where you project television onto a woman's forehead.

7:03 Adam Oh, the pornography?

7:04 Drew Yeah, if you wanted pornography, that's what.

7:06 Adam Right, or if you needed a little help by some Vietnam footage or something. That's great.

7:10 Drew Hey, Burnett's Ernest, could we go up there waving at you?

7:12 Adam Oh, he's dead.

7:14 Yeah, but the old footage.

7:16 Adam My partner, Jimmy Kimmel, when we were in Aspen, he opens up a Hollywood Reporter. It says, what the hell's the guy's name who plays the Hey Vern guy? Jim Varney. Jim Varney dies at age 50. He died? Yeah, he died. He died? He died like three weeks ago. And my partner shows me the obituary and he goes, Ernest goes to hell. And starts laughing like a madman. I hope none of his family is listening. Alright, the Family Guy. 8.30, Tuesday nights, everyone. Support this show. It's one of my favorites.

7:55 Leah?

7:56 Hi.

7:56 Adam You're 22. What's up?

7:59 Caller Well, I've been trying to use the rhythm method and I've been doing some reading on it and I read that multi-orgasmic women is less dependable. Do you know anything about that?

8:10 Adam I never heard that.

8:11 Drew I wouldn't rely on it for anything, no matter what.

8:14 This is from the Planned Parenthood book.

8:16 Drew Yeah.

8:16 Caller It was written just last year.

8:17 Drew That may be true. I just wouldn't rely on it. I'm not entirely clear why that would be the case.

8:23 Adam Well, I think it's one of those things they put in there just because they figure you're the type who's going to be using it more than anybody else and we're going to try to dissuade you the best way we can.

8:33 Drew That's nice.

8:34 Adam Well, it's probably true. I mean, think about it.

8:37 Drew Why would rhythm, why would orgasmic frequency have anything to do with it?

8:41 Adam How's it been working for you?

8:42 Guest It throws the rhythm off, I suppose.

8:43 Adam Been working good?

8:45 Caller Yeah, I've been using it for six months and I'm not pregnant.

8:47 Adam Wait, you've only had four abortions?

8:50 Caller No, no, not on that so far.

8:52 Adam And how, I mean, you can get real scientific about it if you start measuring temperatures and things, right?

9:00 Caller Yeah, there's a lot of different ways and you can dab your finger in your goo and see what color it is. You're goo? That's supposed to be another way.

9:06 Guest Oh my God, Mom.

9:07 Guest If you have goo, there may be some other issue.

9:10 Adam Yeah, but there's not much science behind this.

9:13 Drew No, yeah, there is.

9:14 Adam No, there is, but Leah's not using it.

9:17 Drew Well, if she does, it's unreliable. Why don't you use a more reliable means?

9:21 Caller I'm going to try orthotri-cycling next time. I was on tri-fasole and it was fine for about a year, but then it was, I was dried up. I had no sexual response, which is really strange for me.

9:31 Drew Why not use some, why go back on a tri-phasic then?

9:35 Caller Why go, go back on tri-fasole?

9:37 Drew Why go back on a tri-phasic pill? Why not try something very different?

9:42 Caller Well, my gynecologist recommended orthotri-cycling.

9:44 Drew Alright, okay.

9:45 Adam Hey, Leah.

9:46 Caller Yeah.

9:47 Adam As far as your Googos, do they have a, like a color wheel or swatches? How do you know what to compare it to? I mean, wouldn't you want to hold it next to a paint chip or something?

9:58 Guest If you can spread it on a ritz, then it's time.

10:00 Caller They say that if it's clear and if you can stretch it between your fingers, that's your most fertile time.

10:05 Drew It's this, this.

10:06 Adam Uh-huh. I see.

10:07 Drew Okay. Is that the spin bark height? Do they call it that?

10:10 Adam So if it doesn't, if it doesn't do that, I mean, if you fling it against a chain-link fence and it doesn't, and it makes it, it makes it to the rung under it without breaking, means no, no getting bent over the teeter-totter.

10:23 Drew That's right.

10:24 Adam All right.

10:24 Oh yeah, you're a super girl then.

10:26 Adam All right. Good luck with that.

10:29 Thanks.

10:29 Caller Family Guy is a great show.

10:30 Guest Oh, thank you. I wish I knew what triphasic meant.

10:34 Drew That's a pill with more than two...

10:36 Guest Yeah, the triphasic sensors are off-line.

10:40 Adam Nick?

10:41 Hi.

10:41 Adam You're 14.

10:42 Caller Yes. My problem is, like, I have an overly-sized penis, and I'm, like, afraid of that.

10:50 I'm the big boy.

10:52 Adam You're 14.

10:53 Caller Yes.

10:54 Adam And how big is it?

10:56 Caller Like 10 inches?

10:57 Adam No, it's not.

10:58 Caller No, it depends.

11:00 Adam Well, it depends on what? Whether you're using the metric or standard side of the ruler? What does it depend on?

11:08 Caller No. Well, erection.

11:10 Adam Oh, I see. Oh, well, erect. Well, please. I mean, 14. Yeah, I was like nine and three quarters at 14 erect. Yeah, I thought you were talking about flaccid. Oh, you're talking about erect. Yeah, that's different. Yeah, that's average.

11:25 Okay.

11:26 Adam Yeah, it should get up to about 14, 15 by the time you get in your early 20s.

11:30 Okay.

11:31 Adam Nick?

11:32 Caller Yeah?

11:32 Adam Is it really 10 inches when it's erect? Because if it is, I'm going to have to kill you.

11:38 Caller Yeah.

11:39 Caller And it scares girls away.

11:42 Adam It scares girls away.

11:44 Caller Yeah, I think it's weird.

11:45 Adam Hey, Nick?

11:47 Caller Yeah?

11:47 Adam How many gals have seen your erect penis?

11:50 Caller About three.

11:51 Adam Three? Outside of the family? All right, there, Nick. Listen, listen, all you idiots. When you do the bogus call, fine. But try to keep it within the realm of possibilities.

12:05 Drew Make it interesting.

12:06 Adam Well, if you call, if you call in as a 14 year old guy and say, I measured my penis yesterday. It's eight and a quarter inches.

12:16 Drew I'm freaked out.

12:17 Adam And I'm kind of freaked out. And I know people think it's funny, but I'm pretty serious about this. I don't want it to get in the way. Then we'll believe you. But if you just go ten flaccid, especially, it's not quite as believable.

12:30 Guest It's not that outrageous.

12:33 Adam Russell?

12:34 Yeah?

12:35 Adam You're 15? What's up?

12:37 Caller Well, I think it's called a caltrition or something.

12:43 It's that thing where you get it cut and What is going on tonight?

12:47 Adam I don't know.

12:48 Caller You know what I'm saying?

12:49 Adam I've said it a thousand times. I would match our callers against the stupidity of any callers in any show, national or local.

12:57 Drew By the way, Seth, Adam's always making fun of your name.

12:59 I didn't know that. I want to know.

13:01 Adam Here's all I've said about Seth, the name Seth. Yeah. Once in a while, when we do these college tours, I've been known to do my gay aptitude test because a lot of guys don't know if they're gay. And I decided to quantify it. And so it works on a point system. You know, if you have shoes with tassels, give yourself five points. If they have buckles, give yourself, you know, ten points. What are some of the other ones? If you've named your own penis, deduct ten points. A very masculine thing to do. But if you've named it Seth, then add 15.

13:34 Guest Oh man, I'll figure that one out on the way home.

13:36 Adam Actually, he says, Actually, if you've named your roommate's penis, that'll get you points too. Sorry.

13:42 Guest Alex just pointed out the cough button to me, which is probably something you could utilize. Yeah.

13:48 Adam Brandy?

13:49 Caller Yes.

13:49 Adam You're 15?

13:51 Caller No.

13:51 Adam Oh, I'm sorry. You're 17. What's that?

13:53 Caller Right.

13:54 Drew What's going on?

13:55 Caller I was calling because I'm more attracted to people who are older than I am.

13:59 Drew How much older?

14:00 Caller Well, there is one guy who is 24, and then another, he was about 28.

14:05 Drew Do you do anything with these attractions?

14:08 Caller Well, one of them, yes. The other one, no.

14:11 Drew See, we don't really have any problem with you being attracted to older guys, and we understand why that would be the case. The problem is, the guy that would respond to you having overtures toward him is the problem. The guy that would engage with you is a disturbed guy.

14:27 Adam Yes, not to be trusted, unless he's a producer. Then it's fine. Right, Troy? Didn't we discuss that once?

14:35 Drew You've said it many times.

14:36 Adam I don't want to make any enemies. Which guy are you going with, the 24 or the 28?

14:42 Caller Neither now, but I just noticed that I'm more attracted to people older than I am, and I was just worrying.

14:48 Adam Which one did you have something going with?

14:50 Caller The 28 year old.

14:51 Adam Perfect. And where did you scrape him up?

14:56 Caller I worked with him.

14:57 Adam Oh boy.

14:57 Drew Why don't you ask the usual questions?

14:59 Adam Me? All right. Where's your dad?

15:04 Drew How far away is he?

15:05 Adam Where is he? Do you know where he is?

15:07 Yeah.

15:08 Adam Where?

15:08 Well, he's sleeping right now.

15:10 Adam In prison? No. At your house?

15:13 Yeah.

15:14 Adam Does he not pay enough attention to you?

15:16 Well, he drinks a lot.

15:17 Adam There we go.

15:17 Ah, there you go.

15:18 Adam All right. Well, that's it.

15:20 Well.

15:21 Adam We have our answer.

15:22 Caller I mean, I know there's a lot of problems at home, but I don't know. I'd just rather be attracted to people my age.

15:28 Adam Okay.

15:28 Drew You'd rather be attracted to people your age?

15:30 Caller But I'm not. So how can I change that?

15:33 Adam Well, why don't you go to Allateen or something?

15:35 Drew I've been doing, yeah, Allateen is a great way to do that. That will settle some of this, these impulses down. And how about sort of looking at what you're doing and stepping back from it and making better choices? Just because you have those attractions doesn't mean you have to act on them.

15:48 Guest Do you socialize with people your own age?

15:50 Oh, yeah.

15:51 Drew And understand where these attractions come from. They come from the unfinished trauma that your dad is inflicted, the lack of availability, the need to sort of reconnect with somebody that reminds you of him.

16:02 OK.

16:02 Adam All right. Did you're liable to get caught up with a guy who does some drinking, too?

16:07 Drew Absolutely. Where's my bourbon?

16:09 Adam So you better watch out for that. All right.

16:11 Drew All right.

16:12 Adam All right, Brandy. So here's here's the deal. If you want to do something, don't do it and go out. If you're attracted to a guy, don't date him.

16:20 Drew Don't trust it.

16:21 Caller OK.

16:21 Adam There you go. It goes for all of you unless you're attracted to me. What, Brandy?

16:25 Caller Family Guy. That's a great show.

16:27 Guest Oh, thank you very much.

16:28 Caller I think the baby and the dog is the best.

16:30 Guest Well, you're very sweet.

16:32 Adam Seth does them both. Come on, give us a little, a little shot.

16:36 Guest He's going to sound nothing like him.

16:38 Caller Unacceptable.

16:39 Adam All right.

16:40 Guest This is a this is a this is a Stewie line we did from an upcoming episode.

16:44 Caller Seth's got a little cold.

16:45 Guest A little bit a little bit of a cold, a little bit of a cold.

16:48 You know, Lois is is rather a pain in my in my ass. I sometimes wonder if if all women are this difficult and then I think to myself my god wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual? There we are.

17:05 Guest Stewie with a Stewie with a bad bad sign.

17:08 Adam Oh I love that. And it is just just just a quick shot of Peter so people can realize.

17:13 Caller Quick shot of Peter.

17:14 Adam Gotta gotta give me a quick shot of something else before I give you a shot of Peter. It's like a different guy.

17:22 Drew You should be ashamed of yourself.

17:24 Caller I know.

17:24 Drew That is talent.

17:25 Adam I do me I do me tired and me extra tired.

17:29 Guest You do it beautifully. You do it beautifully.

17:30 Adam Thank you. Danielle, I mean Daniel.

17:33 Caller Yes.

17:34 Adam You're 46. What's up with you?

17:39 Caller I just wondered if you'd pull on your penis that you would make it maybe longer.

17:47 Adam Sure. Temporarily. And then you let go. It snaps right back like a window shade.

17:54 Guest Hang it from the parallel bars or something?

17:58 Adam Oh, hold on, by the way. I got to talk to Seth. There's a few things that are missing from today's sitcom and or cartoon. I'd like to see you work into some upcoming script.

18:08 Guest What do you got?

18:09 Adam One is that like the window shade thing. You know, where you yank on the person's tongue, pull it way back, then let it go.

18:16 Guest Oh my God. I just got that like the player piano thing going.

18:19 Adam Yeah. I would like to see some of that.

18:20 Guest You want that?

18:21 Adam All right.

18:22 Guest Suflav.

18:22 Adam I'd like to see some Suflav humor. Now, here's what I'm talking about.

18:27 Guest Yeah, you lost me there.

18:28 Adam Okay. Remember in 70s sitcoms, maybe even 60s, Bewitched, ones like that, Brady Bunch, they'd be cooking, Alice would be cooking a Suflav at the beginning, Act 1. The kids would come running into the kitchen and slam the door and she'd go, oh my God, oh my God. She turned the light on in the oven. The Suflav has not fallen.

18:50 Oh God.

18:51 Adam In Act 2, someone would break a vase.

18:53 Yeah.

18:53 Adam She'd go running to the oven. The Suflav has still not fallen. But by Act 3, something would happen.

19:01 Guest That Suflav would go down.

19:02 Adam That Suflav would go down.

19:03 Drew Something like a flea would sneeze and that would do it. Tiny event would take it down.

19:08 Adam We want the window shade spinning.

19:10 Guest Okay, window shade spinning.

19:11 Adam Player piano thing humor. The Suflav humor.

19:14 Guest The suspenseful Suflav.

19:16 Adam I'd also like to hear some Benedict Arnold humor.

19:19 Drew Reference.

19:20 Adam Reference worked into it.

19:21 Guest Benedict Arnold, the traitor?

19:23 Drew Yeah.

19:23 Adam Yeah, like when people, like again in Brady Bunch or whatever, when they go, you Benedict Arnold.

19:29 Guest That always struck me as the most ridiculous thing in the world that he was ostracized by his classmates, Peter Brady, for playing Benedict Arnold in the class play.

19:38 Adam Well, they-

19:38 Guest Can you actually see that happening?

19:40 Adam They not only made one of their characters play Benedict Arnold in play, but there's many other references to Benedict Arnold, and not only the Brady Bunch, but in many sitcoms they decided to dedicate an episode to it. Right. And now you never see Benedict Arnold comedy anymore. So I'd like you to bring that back.

19:59 Guest The days when kids talk like a fifties government propaganda film.

20:02 Adam Right.

20:02 Guest That's edgy.

20:03 Adam All right. So souffle humor, Benedict Arnold humor. Oh, one more thing that's missing from sitcoms. You know, when they get an argument, like the two people sharing the room or sharing the apartment, so they go, fine, fine. Well, it's half my apartment. Well, it's half mine. Well, let's split it right down the middle. They take that tape and they go right down the middle of the apartment. Sure enough, the one guy whose idea it was has to use the bathroom immediately. Well, you can't use it because it's on my side. Can you work that in?

20:35 Guest I think maybe we can work this splitting in. We can look into it. Okay.

20:40 Adam I'm just saying.

20:41 And if we refuse?

20:43 Adam I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just asking. That's all.

20:49 Yeah.

20:49 Hi.

20:50 Adam Eric, you're 18. What's up?

20:51 Caller Okay.

20:52 Drew Oh, boy.

20:53 I got a...

20:54 Adam Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We didn't talk to the last guy with the...

20:57 Drew The stretching penis?

20:58 Adam Yeah. Which guy was he? Three? Hold on there, Eric. Daniel?

21:01 Caller Yes.

21:02 Adam All right. So you're 46. You want to know about the penis stretching?

21:06 Caller Yes. I... Drew said that there's a tendon in there. I just wondered if that tendon could be enlarged.

21:15 Caller No.

21:16 Adam Well, what about...

21:16 Drew A ligament.

21:17 Adam What about those people that hang weights off it and get that length?

21:20 Drew Yeah, you can certainly stretch out the soft tissues. And then when you get an erection, what you have is the erection you had before, now with like a little soft elephant trunk.

21:29 Adam Sounds like you pull the tube sock halfway off your foot.

21:31 Drew Yeah, a little elephant trunk hanging off the tip.

21:34 Adam I could use that.

21:35 Guest You pull the penis out, it snaps back, does a player piano thing. There you go.

21:38 Adam With the souffle.

21:40 Caller I got a news bulletin for... I forget what your name is.

21:46 Drew Adam.

21:46 Caller Adam.

21:47 Adam Yeah, okay. Big fan of the show.

21:50 Caller I'm sorry. It's the first time I've been on radio. But anyway, did you hear about the news about the lady that had the largest breast in the whole wide world?

22:04 Adam Oh, dying? Yeah, Ferrari? Yeah, in Europe. Yeah, somebody in my office...

22:12 Caller Seventy-one inches.

22:13 Adam Somebody brought that to my attention today at my desk. How old was she? I don't know how old she was. Her breasts were four-and-a-half years old, though. I don't know how old she was, but she died. She was thirty. Thirty? Yeah, you hate to see that happen.

22:28 Caller They said on the radio that she might have got suffocated.

22:32 Adam Oh, please, don't mock the large breast. Daniel, you're forty-six years old.

22:39 Caller Yeah.

22:39 Adam What do you do for a living?

22:41 Caller I work at a shoulder workshop. I'm totally blind.

22:44 Adam Are you?

22:46 Caller Remember that thing you said the other day that if you play with it too much, you go blind?

22:51 Adam Oh, please. Listen, I'd make fun of you, but I feel sorry for you.

22:55 Caller That's okay.

22:56 Guest If you're blind, though, how much can you care about how long your penis is?

23:01 Caller Mine's four inches. Oh, boy. I'm a small guy.

23:04 Adam Yeah.

23:04 Caller I'm only four foot ten inches.

23:07 Guest Well, then it's huge. You're four ten.

23:09 Adam It's all relative.

23:11 Drew Is that your genetic problems? Anything, any chronic illness or anything?

23:16 Caller I got a kind of depression kind of thing. I just changed over medicine. That made me feel better.

23:25 Drew Okay, good.

23:26 Adam All right, Daniel. You keep going to work, keep pulling your penis, keep your feet on the ground, keep your head up in the clouds and keep your penis attached to some device that stretches it.

23:37 Caller I just want to watch your time schedule. There, where I'm at is...

23:42 Adam Hey, Daniel.

23:42 Caller The music's already on.

23:44 Adam Daniel. Where are you calling from?

23:46 Caller Ohio.

23:47 Adam All right. I have no idea. All right. The beauty of me and Drew is we're on in, I don't know, 65 cities. We couldn't tell you. We couldn't tell you 10 of them.

23:58 Drew No.

23:58 Adam Should we?

23:59 Drew No.

24:00 Adam And have no idea where any of the callers are coming from or calling from. Do we know?

24:04 Drew No.

24:05 Adam You know what? I think it's the biggest yank off in radio. These guys, they get a syndicated show and they go, Tupelo, you're on the air. West of the Rockies, you're on. And they'll tell you who and where everyone is calling from constantly and then it just becomes this sort of prerequisite when you do a national radio show to talk about where everyone is calling from but our thing has always been who cares where they're calling from and we don't know and it doesn't say up on the screen and once in a while it comes up but it just seems like they're kind of yanking themselves off.

24:39 Guest It's not like you're going to go small penis Ohio well there you go.

24:42 Adam Yeah I got a urologist friend of mine who's living out in the Buckeye state and he could probably swing by. Eric?

24:53 Yeah.

24:53 Adam You're 18?

24:55 Caller Yeah.

24:55 Adam We're going to take ourselves a break but your question is your girlfriend says her nipples will grow if you suck on them?

25:01 Caller That's right. That's what her friends have been telling her.

25:04 Drew That's what Adam's been telling his girlfriends quite sometimes.

25:06 Adam That's right. Except for I substitute nipple for what, Drew?

25:09 Drew Bank account.

25:10 Adam Penis. Come on, you idiot. No, their bank account will grow. Right. Very smart, Drew. Drew made, even though it was half a joke, it was still considered an attempted comedy. I'm going to give you credit for that, Drew.

25:23 Guest I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it.

25:25 Guest We all enjoyed it.

25:27 Adam All right. Seth MacFarlane and Alex Borstein are both here from the Family Guy. Tuesday night's 8.30 on Fox. We'll get back with them and Eric and his amazing growing nipples after this.

25:38 Guest We about to get funky, yo.

25:41 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

25:45 We'll be right back.

25:46 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7, The Buzz. This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

26:20 Adam It's the Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, he is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number, I forget about that. Ali Landry's coming in here tomorrow night, who's, I guess she's still the Doritos chick, but she's doing something else. I don't know who she is now.

26:37 Drew She's doing farmclub.com.

26:39 Adam Yeah, still not sure what that is exactly, even though I had someone else from that on. I'm not, I'm not.

26:45 Drew Matt Pitfield.

26:46 Adam Oh yeah, that's right. All right, listen, Drew was a hip to all the internet websites out there. Tonight, our guest is a couple of people from the Family Guy, Alex Borstein and Seth MacFarlane. Alex is an old friend of mine who does the voice of Lois. She can also find her on MADD TV. And Seth is the creator, does the voice of Peter and Stewie and Brian and, and he draws them and he colors them. And he occasionally, he goes to Korea and cracks the whip when they're not getting the animation done. He does it all.

27:22 Guest When they're not coloring but doing the lines.

27:24 Adam 8.30 Tuesday nights on Fox. And it's really, really a funny show.

27:30 Guest Tomorrow night will actually be the premiere. It's back on the air.

27:33 Adam I'll tell you, I can't wait. I laugh out loud at this show.

27:37 Guest LOL. That's what the kids say on the Internet. Huh?

27:40 Adam Yeah. How many sitcoms do you actually laugh at? Once the last time you laughed out loud at Dharman, Greg, or Caroline in the City or one of these other steaming turds.

27:50 Guest For the right reasons?

27:52 Drew Not a long time. I'm most entertained by animated stuff on TV right now.

27:56 Adam Absolutely.

27:57 Drew Even on the Cartoon Network and stuff, I'm most entertained by it.

27:59 Guest There's a lot of good animated stuff out there right now.

28:03 Adam I was one of the fewer people who really enjoyed The Critic. I used to laugh at that show, too. Even though it wasn't a great animated series, I would still get a few good laughs.

28:15 Guest It had its moments. Definitely had its moments.

28:17 Adam It was hit and miss, but at least there's some hit in there.

28:20 Guest Yeah.

28:23 Adam Sitcoms now are sort of miss and rest and then miss some more, but where's the hit coming in?

28:28 Guest I'm just looking at the people in the sitcoms.

28:30 Caller Yes.

28:31 Adam Everybody looks exactly the same. I was yelling at everyone in my office today, what the F is up with Jenna Elfman and who the hell cares? Who cares what's up with this fraud?

28:41 She's goofy.

28:43 Caller Oh my God.

28:43 Adam She's working. Jesus effing Christ. Who cares? I said at the office Jenna Elfman is, whoever her publicist is, is either the devil or the world's greatest goddamn publicist in the world because they're getting people to care about Jenna Elfman. She does a crappy sitcom and then goes off to do Crippledore's Tribe and we still can't get enough of her.

29:04 Guest I'll tell you, I'll tell you, if you ever get a good chance to check out her fingers, her fingers are so long, I'm convinced she's some kind of an alien.

29:12 Adam You know, my friends all said that's Scientology. Everyone in the office said that's got to be some kind of Scientology connection. And listen, nothing against Jen Elfman. She's attractive. I'm sure she's a wonderful actress, but who cares?

29:26 Who cares?

29:28 Adam Do I have to be beat over the head with her and every one of these other idiots who's on one of these crappy sitcoms?

29:33 Guest No offense.

29:34 Guest Bring me the corpse of Jackie Gleason.

29:36 Adam Who cares? Who cares? There's all these, all these Veronica in her closet and all this, all this other junk. I mean, oh, like, thank God they got rid of, like, Caroline in the City and some of those other turds.

29:49 Guest That was on for like 10 years.

29:50 Adam I know. It was on.

29:51 Guest It was unbelievable.

29:53 Adam It was on as long as MASH was. I just kept thinking, who cares?

29:57 Drew People like sort of mediocre stuff.

30:00 Adam No, they just want to, they don't want to be challenged. They want to go home and they want to relax. They want something where they can talk on the phone, work on the computer, and still enjoy.

30:09 Guest It breaks my heart that you have shows like SCTV that was on just a handful. There were only a couple episodes in the grand scheme of things. It sounded like Caroline in the City.

30:18 Adam Caroline in the City was on longer than your original shape.

30:24 Caller Yeah.

30:25 Adam Yeah, you're 18.

30:26 Drew So your girlfriend told you something about her anatomy?

30:30 Caller Okay.

30:31 Adam Is it your nipples grow?

30:35 Caller First of all, I want to say what's up Adam. Your show's rock. Thanks.

30:41 Caller Both of them.

30:42 Adam Great.

30:43 Caller With you too Drew.

30:45 Adam Yeah.

30:45 Caller Family Guy's cool and all that. Thanks.

30:48 Guest Thank you.

30:48 Caller The thing is...

30:49 Guest Back to the nipples, back to the nipples.

30:52 Caller My girlfriend's friend. I mean, every time we're going to get intimate or taking her clothes off or whatever, as soon as I take her bra off, she won't let me like get even near her nipples, not even with my hands.

31:06 Drew Cause they'll grow.

31:08 Caller Okay. Her friends tell her that... Cause she has, I guess unusually large nipples. Yeah. So her girlfriends have told her, well, that's because you let guys suck on them or whatever. She believes it.

31:23 Adam Yeah. Just on the bus or wherever.

31:27 Guest Put them in water and they grow.

31:28 Adam Yeah.

31:29 Caller I guess, you know, throughout her boyfriend...

31:32 Adam All right. Well, listen, tell her that's not the case.

31:35 Caller It doesn't...

31:36 Guest I mean, they do get a little erect if you're around.

31:38 Adam Yeah. Well, it's no different than your penis. I mean, I get 10 erections a day. It hasn't added a millimeter to the length of my penis overall in the last 21 years, for Christ's sake. But I keep thinking the next one's gonna. That's what I'm banking on.

31:56 Caller This will be the one that makes me rich, my God.

31:59 Adam That's right. This is the one. That's what keeps me going.

32:02 Kaz? Yeah.

32:03 Adam You're 18.

32:04 Caller Hey, what's up? I have a question for Seth, actually. Seth? Yeah. Yeah. Family Guy I thought was like one of the best shows on last year and then it went away and I was real upset about that and then I read this article about some like school headmasters. Uh-oh. Here we go. All up in arms about it and I wonder just what caused it to go up there and what was the trouble you guys got in over that?

32:29 Guest Yeah. That incident, that was my...

32:33 Caller Don't worry. It's fine.

32:36 Guest My high school principal took umbrage at the content of the show and launched an attack against the...

32:43 Drew You were a high school principal?

32:44 Guest Yes. Isn't that a riot? Yeah. Really? Did he have it out for you for some reason? What's that? It's a long story but he's a member of some anti-content television organizations. Anti-smut.

33:01 Drew Did he not like you in the...

33:02 Guest You know, I got along great with him in school but it was... I woke up one morning, read in the papers that he had actually succeeded in getting I guess three or four of our sponsors to pull out.

33:19 Drew Which is really easy, by the way.

33:20 Guest Yeah, which is...

33:21 Drew You just write one letter and they freak out.

33:23 Guest Yeah, pretty much.

33:24 Adam It drives me insane. It drives me insane. What's up with our mics, by the way? Does everything sound weird?

33:29 Drew Yeah, it was weird for a second there.

33:31 Adam No, I mean, is it still weird?

33:32 Drew No.

33:32 Adam No? You sure? Okay, sorry Seth. Where did you grow up? Where did you go to high school?

33:37 Guest Me?

33:38 Caller Yeah.

33:39 Guest Sorry. Looking around. Oh, me. I went to Kent School in Connecticut.

33:45 Adam And is it a private school?

33:46 Guest It was a private school, yeah.

33:48 Adam And is it four people that are gifted and challenged at the same time like yourself?

33:53 Guest You know, not really. It was, you know, my parents, my mother worked in the admissions office there. And so, you know, I spent four years there. I had a great time. I really had no problems while I was there.

34:06 Adam And he didn't tell you you wouldn't amount to anything? Because my principal's trying to kill me.

34:10 Guest Is he really?

34:10 Adam Because he kept telling me I wouldn't amount to anything. And now I'm making him look bad. And so maybe it's a situation like that.

34:19 Guest It could be like he wants to be in the cartoon business.

34:21 Adam Well, maybe he's just a little jealous. You know, I mean, you know, when you're at school, you look up to the principal and the teachers and faculty and stuff. And then you realize these are schmoes who make $37,000 a year. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, come on, please. Let's call a spade a spade. These are guys who couldn't do anything else in life, so they teach. Oh, it's a cop-out. Please. It's a big cop-out.

34:43 Drew I know you were exposed.

34:43 Adam Teaching is to professions, is to professional people, what the army is to white trash folk. You know, it's supposed to be noble. We're supposed to look up to it, but we all know you couldn't do anything else, and that's why you're either in the army or teaching.

34:58 Guest Because they pay too little. No one wants to do it. The scary thing to me is that there are teachers there out there now who are my age. And I think my god, there are people who I went to college with that are now, could possibly be shaping your mind.

35:11 Adam It's bizarre that your own principal of your old school launched this campaign to get the sponsors to pull out of the show.

35:19 Guest Yeah, what are you going to do?

35:20 Adam It did.

35:22 Guest It generated a lot of publicity for us, which was good.

35:27 Adam Now, what were the sponsors pulled out, by the way?

35:31 Guest What's that?

35:32 Adam Who pulled out? Which one?

35:33 Guest You know, I'm... Come on. Specifically, I don't want to give misinformation here. I heard... You know what? If I'm wrong, it could be a disaster, so I don't have the exact names, but...

35:47 Adam It drives me insane when they cave to a couple of letters, or any letters.

35:52 Guest Yeah, pretty obnoxious. Pretty obnoxious.

35:54 Adam I always... Drew, how many hours have I spent on this?

35:58 Drew This is worthwhile.

35:59 Adam Really? Yeah. Listen, first off, this show doesn't get letters. We've gotten a handful of letters in the four years, five years that I've been here. We've got them from the Church of Scientology, demanding an apology, and adding a script, by the way, that we should read over the radio. Gee, Drew, I was wrong about Scientology. What's that, Adam? As it turns out, it's not a cult. Remember that script we got?

36:27 Drew Oh, yeah.

36:28 Adam We got a letter from Scientology. They laid out the whole script of how we should lay it out on the radio, demanding an apology, and everyone said, what, Drew, what did they say about Scientology?

36:37 Drew You better apologize.

36:38 Adam Do not cross Scientology. They'll hunt you down, they'll kill you, they'll ruin your career, they'll do everything else. What did I say on the air?

36:45 Drew You tell me what you said.

36:46 Adam Kiss my ass, you druids.

36:48 Caller Kiss it.

36:49 Adam Go bleed a goat, you idiots. You and Jenna Elfman and her publicist from hell can go just pull a head off a chicken and dance around naked in the full moon, you freaks. All right, that's what I said. Have we ever got another letter from one of those retards? No. You want to send another letter? Send it, pussies. I'll laugh my ass off. When I'm done laughing, I wipe my ass with it. Send it. Send it. I love it. Bring it on. Bring those letters. I laugh like a crazed hyena when I see those letters. Nothing brings me more joy. And then we got letters from GLAAD, too. They wanted an apology as well. And I said, homos, write them up and bring them on. Because again, the only thing that makes me laugh harder than the druid letters is the homo letter. So bring them on. Bring them and send them. And what do we get? No letters. From either one of those idiots. And why not? Because no satisfaction. All I do is laugh.

37:47 Guest I'm glad they saran wrap.

37:49 Adam No, not the folks that make the trash bags. Those people I would apologize to. Their legitimate outfit that's trying to do something in this world. But glad, I don't know where they got that name, but you never met a group of more miserable people in their lives. Listen, your beef is with your parents, not with me. You go talk to them or whoever's running the summer camp program back in Minnesota in 1974. Not with me. So send the letters. But do we get the letters? No, because I laugh and they're not interested. People don't want to send letters to people that don't respond. And I wish the networks would not be such a pack of pussies and do this.

38:24 Guest On our show, they do it with emails. Emails come in and they will base whether a character, like on TV, whether it lives or dies based on those emails. It's crazy. It's the same four people emailing over and over again, going, so-and-so sucks and so-and-so is the best.

38:37 Adam And think about the type of person that has time in their day to sit down and compose a letter. These are shut-ins.

38:46 Guest Rampant with the spelling.

38:47 Adam Of course. People are waiting for the Meals on Wheels truck to come by their shack and drop them off a little manna, a little taxpayer heaven. Please, you idiots. And these network guys that read those letters and pay any kind of attention to them are borderline retards. Just ignore it. And what about the other 95% of people that want some goddamn entertainment?

39:15 Caller Adam, that's what I'm saying.

39:17 Guest How would you like to run the Fox Network? I know that's not really, I'm not really in a position of authority, but you know what? You know what? I'm going to offer it anyway.

39:23 Adam Straighten them right out.

39:25 Guest Unacceptable.

39:25 Adam Give that Jenny McCarthy another big 24 episode deal. Come on.

39:32 Caller That was genius.

39:33 Adam Was that Fox? Oh no, they were buying for her.

39:35 Caller Alright.

39:37 Adam So here's my point. Don't pay attention to letters. Right, Drew?

39:41 Drew That's so you say.

39:42 Adam Alright. Now Drew made the mistake of, I mean, not the mistake. Hi Andy. How are you buddy? Andy Dick is going to poke his head in here the next break. He's going to plug something. I guess it's going on at Luna Park. No? No. I thought you couldn't perform anywhere but there. Oh, the Key Club. Alright. And you and the bitches of the century are going to be performing somewhere, Andy? Good. Alright. Andy is going to come in. We're not going to cut in to Seth and Alex this time. Andy is going to make a quick appearance, give a quick plug and then get the hell out of here. Right, Andy? Fantastic. Alright. We'll be back after this.

40:27 Caller Loveline will be right back.

40:30 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Top Radio 100.7 The Bust. This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

41:02 Adam All right, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. He doesn't care if he shows up later or not. And he punches the mic right on time. Alex Borstein and Seth MacFarlane are both here from the Family Guy Tuesdays, Fox, 8.30. A wonderful, wonderful show. And the big premiere is tomorrow night. Back on the air and not a moment too soon because I think and better too. Back. I can't imagine better. Wow. Even back is hard to grasp, but better? Impossible. Andy Dick is going to come in here at some point and sing one of his bitches songs. And, you know, I was a little skeptical when I first heard that Andy had formed himself a band because I just wasn't sure how it was going to come across. But you know what? Very entertaining.

41:59 Drew Oh, yeah.

42:00 Adam I enjoy it. I and I wouldn't say it if I didn't. And I do.

42:05 Caller Yes, Jesus Christ.

42:06 Caller You have it.

42:08 Adam So Andy's going to come in here and knock out a quick diddy. It was an unscheduled thing. Drew had had him on the Dr. drew.com tonight and saw fit to invite him by the way, give a quick plug. And that's fine. He's a friend of the show. So just take a couple of minutes. And I think we'll do that in the next break. Yeah. Sure.

42:26 Caller OK. Thanks a lot, Dr. Drew and Adam.

42:29 Adam Well, then we'll get back to the phone. And Drew, you know, it's always a good time with Andy. When you get out the DSM for and get him to read his own diagnosis about being schizoid. That was that's good radio, by the way. It's considered bad etiquette, but it's good radio to get him to actually read out of a medical text as to what's wrong with him. Shannon.

42:54 Caller Yes.

42:54 Adam You're 22. What's up?

42:57 Caller My boyfriend seems to have a problem with what he thinks is anal fungus.

43:01 Drew He thinks it's that?

43:03 Caller Well, this is the story. It started out as athlete's foot, and from then it spread to his chest, his back, his genital area, and now he thinks he's got it in his butt.

43:16 Adam He is very flexible.

43:20 Guest Has it spoken to you at all?

43:21 Caller Well, I think he gets it from scratching because he scratches one area and then he scratches another place, and I'm not sure, but he was on some sort of cream for it, and that seemed to tone it down, but now I think it's just so strong that it's trying to take over his body, and now it's in his ass and he's just really uncomfortable.

43:41 Adam Yeah, I should say.

43:43 Caller I'm uncomfortable.

43:43 Drew Has he seen a dermatologist about this?

43:46 Caller Not yet. His mother is a doctor, and she sent him, gosh, I can't even remember what it was called, but...

43:51 Guest Ass doctor?

43:53 Caller Well, no, she's a pediatrician, actually.

43:55 Drew She needs to send it to a dermatologist. Look, this is not athlete's foot. It is something else. Okay. He could run the gamut from even scabies sometimes can do this. Allergic dermatitis, things like temphigol, all kinds of things can do this. But this is not a fungus. Or if it is a fungus, he needs a very thorough medical evaluation to see why it's spread like that. Not funny.

44:17 Guest I'm glad you can laugh at it all.

44:19 Drew It means the immune system is impaired in some way, and it needs to be checked.

44:21 Adam You know, it's great about our society. The second it goes to the ass, it becomes a fodder for comedy, you know. It's tragic when it's on the chest. It's tragic when it's on the back. It's tragic when it's behind the knee. But if it makes its way to the ass, it's all comedy.

44:39 Guest That's when he found it was time to reach out and get some help.

44:42 Adam And that is when that's when it's the most tragic. Let me tell you.

44:46 Guest Or retreat into the shadows and become a superhero. Half man, half fungus.

44:50 Adam Yeah, there you go. That's what I miss.

44:54 Drew People getting comedy on the show. Yes.

44:57 Adam Yes, comedy. What was that? Comedy? Write that down. Ellen?

45:03 Caller Um, yes?

45:04 Adam You're 15.

45:05 Caller Yeah.

45:06 Adam Yeah. What's up there, Toots?

45:08 Caller Well, there's this guy at school and he just, like, keeps on following me, like, through my, like, at school. Just, like, around during lunch, like, between my classes. And I've tried telling him nicely that I don't really like it or care for it. And I've, like, tried telling him, like, meanly. And I feel really bad because I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I don't want him following me or my friends around.

45:36 Adam Is he in your grade?

45:37 Caller Yes.

45:38 Adam And have you seen him before he started following you around?

45:42 Caller Yeah.

45:43 Adam And is he kind of a nerdy guy?

45:45 Caller Well, I don't really know. I don't know too much about him.

45:49 Adam Well, you can't get a read on the guy by how he dresses and who he hangs out with?

45:54 Caller Well, I suppose a little nerdy.

45:57 Adam And is there anything wrong with him?

45:59 Caller Um, he's kind of chubby.

46:02 Adam Oh, yeah.

46:03 Guest Nothing wrong with that.

46:05 Adam No, it's just more to go around.

46:07 Guest Yeah.

46:07 Adam There, feed you and your friends. And you don't like...

46:12 Caller I just don't know what to do because for like the last three weeks, he's just been following me.

46:16 Guest Have you asked him? Have you asked what he wants?

46:19 Caller Yeah, I'm like, well, why are you doing this? And then he just like comes up with something totally different and changes the subject.

46:26 Adam Well, this may not work in the real world, but as long as we're talking about good cartoon fixes, just line the propeller up on top of the beanie real tight and let it go. And he'll just go zooming off into the clouds.

46:39 Drew Now, you take the thing that the you put a key in his back and turn it.

46:43 Adam Oh, please, Drew. That's from the 40s.

46:47 I just want to say one thing.

46:48 Caller When I grow up, I want to be a trampoline girl. Oh, really?

46:52 Guest Maybe that's why he's following you around.

46:54 Caller Me too.

46:56 Adam Hey, listen, Helen, I bet if you completely ignore him for another week, he'll go away. How long has it been?

47:04 Caller I've so seriously tried.

47:05 Adam How long has it been?

47:06 Caller Like, for one whole week, not even talking to him, like, barely looking at him. I've tried, like, everything.

47:13 Adam I don't know.

47:13 Guest Have you farted in his presence?

47:15 Caller I don't know, like, if I should tell someone. Yes.

47:18 Caller Yeah. It's hard.

47:18 Adam All right.

47:19 Drew Tell somebody. You need some help.

47:21 Adam I wish someone would have told someone to tell me.

47:23 Caller I don't feel like a geek telling someone that this guy is following me around.

47:27 Adam Don't you have any guy buddies?

47:29 Caller Yeah.

47:30 Adam Have one of the guy buddies go up to them and go, hey, listen, you know?

47:34 Caller Cool.

47:34 Adam You know what I mean?

47:35 Guest Try holding perfectly still. Fat people's vision is based on movement.

47:39 Adam That's right. Movement and scent. Yes. Cover yourself in Vaseline and Saran wrap so it won't be able to smell you and then hold perfectly still.

47:49 Caller I heard some guy friends say stuff to him like during lunch and stuff like why are you here?

47:54 Adam Yeah, yeah. And what's he, what does he say?

47:57 Drew He made it some.

47:57 Caller He just looks away and he made it some help.

48:00 Drew Look, he made it some help.

48:01 Guest You may have, if you think it's serious, you may have to tell somebody.

48:04 Adam Oh, it's so, oh, fat kids should kill themselves. It's so sad.

48:11 Drew Some are going to, hearing you.

48:13 Adam Oh, OK. Not you, those other fat kids.

48:17 Guest I grew up a fat kid. I survived it.

48:20 Adam I'm here. I know, but you had to get into comedy. You're fat. Look how much pain that must have been to drive you to comedy.

48:26 Guest It's making me a lot of money now, though.

48:28 Adam All right. It would make us a lot of money, too, right, Drew, except for on MTV?

48:33 Guest This is fascinating. During that last conversation, I noticed Adam sketching and Drew staring spellbound at the sketch.

48:40 Guest Yeah.

48:40 Drew Oh, you know what I was thinking to myself? I was thinking, I actually went through a whole big conversation. I said, well, I should whack his pen because when I use that pen and sketch, it's so overwhelmingly distracting to pen that I literally get a fist across my arm. I thought, my God. I thought, you know what? I don't feel that. So it would be really retarded for me to do that. I'm not as impaired as he is.

49:03 Adam That's right.

49:04 Guest We thought he was paying attention.

49:06 Guest Well, nobly restraining himself.

49:08 Adam Take ourselves a little break. Andy Dick is in the next room. They're raring to go and we'll check in with him after this.

49:16 Caller Back once again with it.

49:17 Caller Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew we'll be right back before you know it.

49:22 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

49:48 Adam Yeah, right? It's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. We're going to take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

50:02 Caller Outrageous talk radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

50:06 Caller KQBZ.

50:12 Adam It's Andy, come on brother. It's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew. Now Seth MacFarlane and Alex Borstein are both here, our original guests tonight from the Family Guy, which is on Fox Tuesday nights at 8.30, that is tomorrow night. Also on Tuesday night, after you watch the Family Guy, you can go over to the Key Club on Sunset Boulevard and see the fabulous Andy Dick. Wait a minute, 8 o'clock.

50:43 Caller I go on at about 8.45.

50:47 Adam Okay, everyone's going to have to set their VCRs then if they want to see Andy Dick and catch the Family Guy. But I'm sure people won't be traveling from across the country.

51:00 Caller But you know what, we can only have 200 people in the club.

51:04 Adam There'll be at least 300 watching the show.

51:08 Caller Alex, by the way, is so funny on MADtv.

51:11 Adam She certainly is.

51:12 Caller I saw her for the first time last week. No, it was like the second time. And you were on, I thought Jeanine Garofalo was doing a guest spot on your parody of Politically Incorrect, but it was you.

51:25 Adam Yeah.

51:25 Caller It was incredible.

51:27 Adam She is good with the characters.

51:29 Caller It was incredible.

51:30 Adam I don't like myself.

51:31 Caller And then the Twinkies stick, stick dick girls or whatever. No, with the hot dog on the stick.

51:36 Adam You're cutting in your valuable time here.

51:38 Caller Okay, let's do it.

51:39 Adam Andy is going to sing one of his standards, one of my favorite songs. Is that true, Andy? Right, right.

51:45 Caller Look at me.

51:46 Adam Yes, all right. So we're going to hear that. We're going to give you another plug, then we're going to toss your squirrely ass out of here.

51:51 Caller Okay, here we go.

51:52 Adam All right, here we go.

54:52 Caller Thank you, Alex and Seth.

54:54 Adam Andy Dick, everybody. Tomorrow night at the Key Club.

54:58 Caller Oh, now my, this makes better.

55:01 Adam Yeah.

55:01 Caller Ah, Christ.

55:02 Adam Oh, no, that's all right, Andy. Don't go into one of those spin out, brother.

55:06 Caller I have to leave at this point.

55:08 Caller I'm sorry, you guys.

55:09 Adam All right, Andy. Thanks for coming in.

55:11 Caller Bye, Andy.

55:12 Adam Bye, Dr. Pickett. We'll see you soon there, Andy. Beautiful, beautiful work.

55:16 Caller I got mine right here.

55:18 Adam As usual. Again, Tuesday night, everybody. Eight o'clock over at the Key Club on Sunset. Go over there and find out what all the noise is about. Andy Dick. All right. So Drew, you had Andy on the drdrew.com today.

55:34 Drew We did. He was great.

55:35 Adam Okay. Now we'll get back again, Alex Borstein and Seth MacFarlane, both here representing the Family Guy.

55:44 Guest Now my mic smells like night train.

55:46 Guest Mine smells like pot.

55:47 Caller Wow.

55:48 Adam Now don't make fun of Andy. I think he has like nine and a half months sobriety or something, right?

55:54 Drew May.

55:56 Adam May is one year?

55:57 Drew Yeah.

55:58 Adam All right. That's good.

55:59 Caller So we can keep that going.

56:01 Adam Patrick?

56:03 Caller Yeah.

56:03 Adam You're 18?

56:04 Caller I'm a long-time listener, first-time caller.

56:07 Adam Great. What's up?

56:09 Caller Well, I had a couple of questions. First, I want to know if I could be a Customs for Boobville.

56:13 Adam Oh, my God. I haven't talked about that in three years.

56:17 Caller Like I said, I'm a long-time listener.

56:19 Adam Oh, yeah. You guys need to let that go. What is this? I came up with this idea called Boobville. This is some sort of like Utopia amusement park slash retirement living for guys who like the well-endowed women. And I was going to put it in Plenty Wood, Montana, right on the Canadian border.

56:36 Guest It's like a Sid and Marty Croft show.

56:40 Adam In case there was trouble, everyone could just flee into Canada. And every once in a while, someone who calls up wants to be the ambassador, wants to be the treasurer. And Patrick, you must have been 15 when I was talking about that.

56:54 Caller Something like that.

56:55 Adam Sorry. Sorry what I did to you.

56:58 Caller All right.

56:58 Adam So what's your question?

57:00 Caller My fiance has like razor-type slits on the inside of her vagina.

57:05 Adam Yeah.

57:06 Caller That's causing her pain every time she has sex. And she's gone and seen like a bunch of doctors about it. And one doctor even said that they couldn't see it at all.

57:15 Drew Well, any sort of what's called maceration of that area, irritation, can look like little slits and cuts. So it just means it's inflamed. That's all that really means. And herpes can look like that too, interestingly.

57:27 Caller We've both been checked out for STDs and we're both, you know.

57:30 Drew How were you checked for herpes?

57:32 Caller Um, well, I had the whole Q-tip thing done.

57:36 Adam That's not the herpes thing though, is it?

57:38 Drew No.

57:39 Adam Herpes is where they put vinegar on your penis and then shine a black light on it.

57:44 Drew No, that's warts.

57:44 Adam Oh, that's warts, yeah. Herpes, they pour salt on your penis to see how loud you scream. Is that right, Drew?

57:51 Drew No, they have to find a lesion and then culture the virus from it. And it's almost impossible to do that. So you can't be checked for that one in particular. It's sort of a clinical diagnosis more often than not.

58:05 Caller Would this cause her pain, like, even if we're not sexually active for like two weeks, it just pops up one day and she's in pain for like three, four hours at a time?

58:13 Drew Did she see a gynecologist? Yeah. It sure sounds like herpes, that kind of thing, anyway.

58:19 Caller Okay.

58:21 Adam We don't know, Patrick.

58:22 Drew Alrighty.

58:23 Adam I mean, I'm sorry you've been on hold for so long and everything. We're not giving you good answers. But I don't know, wouldn't herpes manifest itself in little bumps and things like that?

58:35 Drew No. Not necessarily at all.

58:36 Adam It could just look like a little razor slit?

58:38 Drew It can.

58:39 Adam Really?

58:40 Drew Yep.

58:41 Adam Are you sure, Drew?

58:42 Drew Yep.

58:42 Adam And every time we argue, I'm right, you know.

58:46 Drew The majority of people with herpes don't know they have it because it's not a typical rash.

58:50 Adam All right. Well, next time she has this pain, then she should go to the gynecologist and-

58:56 Drew And get it seen. Absolutely.

58:58 Adam Get it cultured.

58:58 Drew Yep.

58:59 Adam All right, Patrick? All righty, thanks. All right. Sorry about that. Chris.

59:05 Caller Hello.

59:06 Adam You're 21. What's up?

59:07 Caller I am 21. I have a couple of questions. My first question, I had to call in tonight because I'm a big fan of Seth and Alex's show. And I got to tell you, you know, you think of TV and I think of TV before I saw the Kool-Aid man bit on the first episode. I'm a TV I saw after the Kool-Aid man bit. Oh yeah. This is incredible. I don't know.

59:25 Guest That's our most often quoted bit.

59:28 Guest That was a killer, killer bit.

59:29 Caller And rightly so because, yeah, it's pretty incredible. And also debunking William Shatner. That was pretty good.

59:36 Adam I saw the Kool-Aid bit. But what did he do? He broke through the wall?

59:40 Caller He was in the middle of a courtroom scene.

59:41 Caller Well, it's funny because he's quoting, you know, he's saying, and we're sentencing you to jail.

59:45 Caller Oh no.

59:46 Caller And he goes through everybody. Oh no, oh no, oh no. And then the Kool-Aid man butts through the wall.

59:50 Caller Oh yeah.

59:52 Guest Yeah, you had to be there.

59:53 Adam Oh, I don't know. Well, I wasn't there, but I did see it.

59:56 Guest That pretty much sums it up.

59:58 Adam I love that commercial of the, hey, Kool-Aid, and the big Kool-Aid guy would bust through the wall. The other one I really enjoyed, I don't see anymore, was the Colt 45, I think it was. It was a multi-lingual commercial where the bull, a guy would be sitting down like reading a newspaper at a cafe and a big bull would just come run right through the scene. Remember those?

1:00:21 Guest You like surprises.

1:00:24 Adam There was great commercials. I think it was Colt 45 or a malt liquor commercial. Here comes the bull and this bull would just run right through a cafe or right over people eating.

1:00:36 Drew Remember those?

1:00:38 Adam Not enough animals on the loose.

1:00:40 Guest Here we go.

1:00:41 Drew Seth, you're up.

1:00:42 Guest The Kool-Aid man qualified as an animal. We'll work that in too.

1:00:45 Adam You guys are covered with Kool-Aid but not with Soufflé and splitting the room in half.

1:00:49 Guest We'll work that in. We'll work Boobsville in.

1:00:52 Adam Thank you.

1:00:53 Caller Boobsville. Everything is round in Boobsville.

1:00:56 Adam Chris?

1:00:57 Guest Yep.

1:00:57 Adam All right. So what's your question?

1:00:59 Caller Well, my pertinent question is my girlfriend and I have been together for about three years and we've tried several different kinds of contraceptives and we always wear condoms, but she has a real bad reaction to birth control pills. So we haven't been using those.

1:01:14 Guest What happens when?

1:01:14 Caller She gets bad stomach aches. It's kind of like morning sickness almost. She gets up and just has nausea in the morning.

1:01:21 Drew What pill is she trying?

1:01:22 Caller She's tried several different varieties. All that our university's hospital has prescribed for. And none of them is effective at all. Because, I mean, well, they're effective.

1:01:33 Guest When did she take them? What time of day did she take her pills?

1:01:36 Caller She takes them in a, well, I don't know that she's real consistent about taking them at a specific time. But she usually takes them in the evenings before she goes to bed, I believe.

1:01:44 Adam So Alex, you're getting at this. She's taking them at the same time?

1:01:47 Guest Yeah, taking them at the same time. I had the same problem. Not doing it consistently.

1:01:50 Drew That is very important. And they don't work right if you don't take them at the same time.

1:01:52 Caller They totally get queasy because you're within a couple hours or with you know you don't yeah is that what that is if I if I would take them on an empty stomach I get queasy if I didn't take them at the same exact time every day okay so your stomach's pretty sensitive to them in general then they can't people can be but I found one that specifically was better you know I experimented a little bit and found one yeah well under the supervision of a doctor of course this wasn't like one weekend in Tijuana or anything well and then we tried different things and we tried you know ky plus which is an injectable injectable spermicide and that gave her a yeast infection and so that didn't work out either that doesn't work with a damn anyway what's that the spermicides do not work by themselves how does the injectable spermicide work well main line it in her arm or no you know right now right now Lingling spoon you're up draw it up yeah no seriously you just you just push it right on up in there yeah it's kind of like a it's kind of like a syringe except made out of plastic and you you fill it up with the KY tube and then you know exactly good sound effect and how far up there do you got to go you know she would do it so I am right it's like filling a turkey with whipped cream the same thing you use giving medicine really all right yeah best not to be in the room during that phase of the love making I agree with you Chris you're on candlelight patrol while she's filling her coos with cream right like filling a turkey come on Alex. We haven't tried anything else.

1:03:30 Adam Well I'm with everyone on the pill adjustment and taking it the same time and finding the right pill for her because people take a pill that it doesn't agree with them and then they're off pills in general and what they don't realize is they can adjust it and take another pill and find the one they like and wouldn't you say Drew that most women can find something can find a pill that'll work for them and if all that fails there's stuff like nor plant and there's some other there's tons of things absolutely Rich yeah you're 30 what's up hey hey guys you're all awesome and my main man mayonnaise that's me listen to me I'm actually I was like to be on hold cuz I don't get you guys in Boston and I'm wondering how I can I'll get to my real question but how can I get you guys in Boston I have no idea all right Drew how do they get us what what station are we on in Boston WBCN WBCN Mighty I just called them and they said yeah we're not we're not airing them anymore and now well there you go W bacon all about it how long has that been how long have we been off well I called them last night and then I called them tonight and so I guess the past couple days hmm and all right that's so we're not on anymore in Boston yeah they said what they said we're not doing them anymore and I'm sure something's in the works don't worry about it something something's working out all right super radio stuff weren't we on another station in Boston to drill FNX FNX for a while yeah yeah months ago but like you guys rule and you're the reason why I listen to the radio well thanks I gotta find out where you guys are on all right well keep checking BCN they're the ones yeah I do they're screwballs you don't know anything I didn't even know we were on and what we're on the only way I get to listen to you I call here and and you know okay on the phone but that's good but okay so so my question I'm training for for a tournament an international sports tournament and sex drive is like kind of way down when I'm when I'm training on the days that I'm training and yeah so so I'm just wondering you know am I gonna do could I do any kind of long-term detriments what's sporty training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and that's just a lot of grappling and that kind of stuff yeah it's ironic that you have sex with your opponent you're grabbed by the key and you're resting it's really effective stuff those guys those guys is it like what those Gracie brothers years exactly yeah it's really it's really the most effective kind of combat it really is Krav Maga Israeli martial arts well the thing is is they have these they have these big you know and no holds barred sort of competitions where they put the boxers and the kickboxers go against the martial artists and these jujitsu guys these 180 pound Gracie brothers these jujitsu guys always win because they basically grab the guy and strangle him by his own gi eventually and they're getting punched in the side of the head and all that but it's a voodoo stuff eventually the guy who hangs on the longest and chokes the life out of the other guy the fastest wins and that's what this technique is ironically even though it's called jujitsu a Jew has never never been ranked I put the Jew in jujitsu my friend you do oh you're gonna get your ass kicked New England jujitsu wow your parents must be so upset yeah they are but 1999 New England jujitsu champ I don't care about the parents and and and you're Jewish you got it oh my god how many Jews but you well you must have won the the Jewish championship you're going to go against the goyem did you oh come on come on Jewish jujitsu I want to get a special jujitsu juju juju jujitsu yeah all right God bless you I'll never make fun of that guy you're wearing so I don't know what happens to a sex drive but true why is it when he's training I mean you're probably really working extremely hard right yeah absolutely it's just fatigue so your body has to conserve energy wherever it can and that's something to go yeah well it's true I mean you're sort of like yeah you're like a battery and you lose your charge there's a certain there's a certain point at which it's actually charged up for the physical exertion can actually raise testosterone levels to a point and then it will start to fall off if you're over training all right so maybe that's it I like I like looking at the notes Adam wrote to himself just a little card in front of him that says Jew.

1:08:13 Guest I was talking about Jujitsu just in case he forgets.

1:08:16 Caller Nicole don't forget who you're dealing with.

1:08:19 Adam You're 21.

1:08:20 Caller Yes I am.

1:08:21 Adam What's up?

1:08:24 Caller My daughter is eight months old now and I had filed for a paternity test because that's what everyone says to do you know you file for the paternity test for child support.

1:08:35 Drew Well, that's what my wife did for me. Everyone says to do it.

1:08:39 Adam Ozzie and Harry did that too.

1:08:41 Drew Yeah. Absolutely they did. All right. So go ahead Nicole. Everyone.

1:08:44 Yes.

1:08:45 Caller The pregnancy was a total accident. I fought a lot throughout my pregnancy whether to have an abortion, give her up for adoption. Well, I finally decided to keep her and I love her more than anything else in this world. Her father is a bad drug addict. I have nothing to do with him. I haven't seen him probably since I found out I was pregnant. And he called not too long ago wanting to see her. Well, the state went ahead and filed for child support. I talked to a few lawyers and they had said that as long as he's paying for child support, he has a right to see her unless I can prove he is otherwise unfit.

1:09:23 Drew Well, isn't a drug addict qualified?

1:09:27 Caller I would think so, but there's so many things out there that can flush drugs out of your system within two hours for a urine test. If his head is shaved, they can't really take a hair test. These are things I'm concerned about. I'm concerned about her well-being, you know, growing up to become a functioning adult.

1:09:48 Guest Is it possible to petition that you're always present during those visits?

1:09:53 Caller Yes, it is possible.

1:09:56 Adam Does he have a criminal record?

1:09:59 Caller I think he has a domestic violence. I don't know too much about him. We partied a lot. I did a lot of drugs before.

1:10:06 Drew Do you have a criminal record?

1:10:09 Caller No, I don't.

1:10:10 Adam Are you sure?

1:10:11 Caller Yes.

1:10:11 Adam Okay. And what does he do for a living? I mean, what would he say he does for a living?

1:10:16 Caller Factory work.

1:10:18 Adam All right. Well, that's Brown's enough.

1:10:21 Guest It's not like you don't buy that.

1:10:23 Adam Well, I mean, Nicole, it sounds like you're trying as best you can. This, by the way, is what happens when you party a lot, hang out with drug addicts and have unprotected sex. I mean...

1:10:37 Caller I'm never having sex again.

1:10:39 Caller I'm never dating.

1:10:41 Caller Me neither.

1:10:42 Adam The drugs haven't cut out, but the sex, no more.

1:10:46 Caller I go to work and I spend time with my daughter and that's my life.

1:10:49 Caller All right.

1:10:49 Adam Well, let me say a couple of things here just because I feel like getting righteous for a second. Everybody who's listening should take notes. It's great that people turn their lives around. They see the errors in their ways and all that kind of stuff. But the reason we're here is to explain to you some of these errors never go away. They never do. Aids or herpes or kids, I mean, it doesn't matter whether you find Jesus Christ a year later, a week later, a month later. This is why you got to get yourself out of the situation you're in now. Because you'll have a kid, Borstein. Listen, I know this stuff, Jackson. A 40-foot bong and a shopping cart in this room. This guy has mental problems. I know her husband well. Please stay on that triphasic pill.

1:11:41 Guest I'll buy it for you.

1:11:42 Adam I'll call you every day at noon and remind you to take it. Anything.

1:11:46 Guest I interrupted you.

1:11:48 Adam Basically, the rant was, it's great that Nicole has turned it around, but you party with a drug addict and get knocked up and these things happen and there's no magic cure for it. I mean, if he does pay his child support and can't prove he's working and is the daddy, then this is what happens. And I agree with Alex. She should try to petition the court and say that she wants to be present during these visits. But if he's keeping up with his payments and he's not getting arrested for selling crack, then that's what you get and that's what daddy is. And that's why you don't bang drug dealers without a condom.

1:12:30 Guest Maybe some exposure to his child will help him turn himself around, too.

1:12:33 Drew Well, we better tell the child a fantasy story about the dad.

1:12:36 Adam Your dad died in Vietnam.

1:12:38 Caller Yeah.

1:12:39 Caller He was in the Royal Air Force.

1:12:40 Adam Don't ever do the math.

1:12:42 Caller Gold storm.

1:12:44 Adam Yeah. He died in World War I and II. My parents said that happened to my dad. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back to talk a little more about the family guy after this.

1:13:06 Caller This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz. This is Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

1:13:35 Adam Yep, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that is Drew. Alex Borstein is our guest tonight, along with Seth MacFarlane from The Family Guy. Tuesday nights, 8.30 on Fox. A very, very funny, funny show. And Alex does the voice of the mother, Lois. And who does, who the hell do we have in here who does voice on that show? Seth Green? Yes, Seth Green. Very nice guy.

1:14:06 Guest Funny man.

1:14:06 Adam Surprised the hell out of me. Yeah, he's very quick. He did the voice of, what the hell's his name? Chris.

1:14:13 Guest Yeah, you know, he came in and he came in and when we were getting a lot of actors who were doing like the surfer dude kind of voice when they were auditioning, he came in and did what he called, he calls it an impression of Ted Levine from Silence of the Lambs. That's sort of the basis of that voice. It's a guy who's just like, oh, she's a great big fat person.

1:14:37 Adam He was excellent and I was blown away.

1:14:40 Guest Oh yeah.

1:14:40 Adam And I don't know if you remember that when Seth was in here. He's been in the show a few times. He's a real nice guy who was in here. It was like nine months ago or something we're talking about. He just mentioned it in passing and I couldn't believe it because he's so different than the character.

1:14:57 Guest Yeah, he's like tiny. He's like ten pounds.

1:14:59 Adam Do a little Lois for us, would you, Alex?

1:15:01 Guest Stewie, no toys at the table.

1:15:07 Adam Alright, go on. Let's do a little Peter and a little Stewie and a little Lois. Come on.

1:15:11 Caller Damn you, you vile, blunt-head, dragletailed, guttersnipe. How dare you tell me what to do?

1:15:15 Guest Oh, you're just teething.

1:15:19 Caller You're fine on your own, fine on your own kind.

1:15:22 Guest This is just your Oedipal phase.

1:15:25 Caller It'll pass.

1:15:27 Caller Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

1:15:29 Adam Oedipal.

1:15:30 Guest My God, where do I go with that? Where do I go with that within the broadcast stand? Do you guys have broadcast standards? Can you do whatever you want on the radio?

1:15:38 Adam It doesn't seem like we do, but we do have some, right?

1:15:42 Guest I just heard somebody say, Jesus Christ.

1:15:44 Guest I'll tell you, one tiny plug for the writers. I had the opportunity of writing on the show and working with the writers there, and it's unbelievable. These guys, it's like the smartest, funniest group of guys I have ever worked with in my life. Present company excluded, of course.

1:16:02 Guest That's real cool. Thank you.

1:16:03 Adam Seth, how much writing do you do on the show?

1:16:07 Guest My day is sort of I jump around from recording to drawing, to being in the writer's room. It's maybe about, Alex is making faces.

1:16:21 Drew Maybe they have a store at their business. Maybe you can walk in and just take things out.

1:16:26 Adam Well, you mean their kitchen?

1:16:28 Drew No, they actually have like a store.

1:16:29 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:16:30 Guest We have a kitchen filled with candy bars.

1:16:33 Drew Like a 7-Eleven.

1:16:34 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:16:35 Guest It's just packed.

1:16:35 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're going nuts in there.

1:16:38 Guest Yeah. I bring a giant purse every time I go.

1:16:42 Adam So do I. Well, not a purse. But then I should have done that.

1:16:44 Caller It's a Jewish woman's dream.

1:16:48 Adam We'll hop back on the phones and speak to Katriana. What the hell name is that, Drew? Katriana. Katriana, you're 22. What's up?

1:16:58 Caller Yes, I am. Hi, Adam. The reason why I called will actually affect you guys. I'm 22. I'm in the porn business. Last Monday, I did a porn scene with a very sexy Italian guy named Luciano. And well, ever since I've done the flick, I've been thinking about him because he's like the best way I've had in a long time.

1:17:26 Adam Sure. I think I had a crew and grip standing around me. I'd put something together to come on as it is. It's just my stuffed animals.

1:17:37 Caller Well, it's like, you know, I've been a call girl before. Also, so I'm like a real professional and I don't really develop feelings for men that I sleep with. Lazy. But I don't know. Ever since, you know.

1:17:54 Adam Well, why did you have such strong feelings for Luciano?

1:17:58 Caller I don't know. He's really good and he just has a real, I don't know if it's an act, but he has a personality about him.

1:18:12 Guest Men in the porn industry generally do.

1:18:15 Adam Is there a certain genetic gist?

1:18:20 Guest John Holmes, great at parties.

1:18:24 Adam So how many porn movies have you done?

1:18:27 Caller I've only done a few.

1:18:29 Adam Yeah. How much did you get paid? How much did they pay you for the last one?

1:18:36 Caller Pretty well.

1:18:37 Caller How much?

1:18:41 Caller Like a thousand.

1:18:41 Adam You're on the radio, we ain't know what's going on.

1:18:44 Guest I've heard the women get like 50,000 and the men get like 500 bucks. It's like a stent scene.

1:18:49 Caller Right.

1:18:50 Adam They get a Pepsi One, a slap on the ass.

1:18:54 Guest And a handy wipe.

1:18:55 Caller A bye.

1:18:56 Caller Yeah. Because I guess the reason why is because the men enjoy it.

1:19:03 Adam Yeah, we do it for free.

1:19:04 Guest But you're saying you enjoyed it.

1:19:06 Adam A thousand bucks. All you got was a thousand, right?

1:19:11 Caller Yeah. It was a short little scene.

1:19:13 Adam Couldn't you do a couple of calls and make that kind of money?

1:19:19 Caller Actually, when, well, see, I'm from Minnesota. I just moved here to LA about-

1:19:26 Adam Minnesota. Yeah.

1:19:28 Caller About a couple of months ago. But yeah, when I used to make close to a thousand a day, there.

1:19:36 Adam Well, I mean, here's what I'm asking. Why do the porn for a thousand bucks when you can do a couple of calls, make a thousand bucks and sort of stay anonymous?

1:19:47 Caller Well, because it's dangerous down here to do alcohol.

1:19:53 Adam I see.

1:19:54 Caller The guys are kind of more crazier.

1:19:57 Adam Yeah. You don't have any of these Sir Walter Raleys like Luciano. Right.

1:20:04 Caller Yeah.

1:20:04 Adam Right. He's the kind of guy who put his coat over your belly before he shot his look. God bless him. And, and.

1:20:13 Guest A chivalrous.

1:20:14 Adam That's chivalry. Yeah.

1:20:15 Guest Yeah.

1:20:15 Adam And so, do you want to do more movies?

1:20:19 Caller Well, I, I'm going to do more movies.

1:20:24 Adam Okay. And, and you want to know how to hook up with Luciano? By the way, his real name is Craig. That's, that's the real comedy.

1:20:33 Guest I'm working on a project called The Purple Head of Cairo that you would be perfect for.

1:20:37 Adam Catri, Catriana. What the hell is your name? Is that your porn name?

1:20:42 Caller Kittriana. It's, it's Russian.

1:20:44 Adam Right, for, for Slut?

1:20:46 Guest Sounds like a Star Wars name.

1:20:48 Adam Okay. And so, did you exchange phone numbers or anything?

1:20:53 Caller Did I change phone numbers?

1:20:54 Adam Exchange phone numbers?

1:20:55 Caller With Luciano.

1:20:56 Adam Luciano.

1:20:57 Caller Uh, well, he has my phone number.

1:21:00 Adam He does.

1:21:01 Drew I just imagine he's just properly abusive.

1:21:04 Adam How are you gonna, how are you gonna reconnect with Luciano? I mean, what are you asking?

1:21:11 Caller That's a good question. I mean, I, I would like to, you know, let him know how I feel. It's just, you know, he's, he's a, he's a real big into the industry.

1:21:22 Adam He is.

1:21:24 Drew Adam, you don't know his work?

1:21:25 Adam I don't know his work.

1:21:26 Drew Oh, my God.

1:21:26 Caller And he's got all, you know, he's probably got all kinds of women.

1:21:30 Drew You're losing your touch, Adam.

1:21:31 Guest If you love him, Katrina, go after him and make him yours.

1:21:34 Adam That's right.

1:21:35 Guest And I, and the two of you maybe could start your own porn business.

1:21:38 Adam It conquers all.

1:21:39 Caller Millions.

1:21:40 Adam Hey, why?

1:21:42 Guest It's beautiful, Alex.

1:21:43 Guest Thank you.

1:21:44 Adam Yeah. So so what are you asking, though? I mean, what do you want to know?

1:21:48 Caller Um, well, I don't know. It's just am I crazy for having these feelings or?

1:21:55 Adam Well, you like the guy, but yeah, you're crazy. But you do like the guy. But what happened? Did your dad beat on you or something?

1:22:04 Caller No.

1:22:04 Adam Who did what to you? Oh, come on. Seriously.

1:22:06 Caller No.

1:22:07 Adam Seriously. Where's your dad?

1:22:09 Caller My dad's in Minnesota with my mom.

1:22:11 Adam And what did he do to you?

1:22:13 Caller Nothing.

1:22:14 Adam Come on.

1:22:15 Caller Not everybody is an uncle.

1:22:17 Adam What happened to you? What happened?

1:22:19 Caller Nothing happened to me.

1:22:20 Adam Tell us what happened. Uncle? Come on. Dog? What happened?

1:22:26 Caller My uncles live all over the country.

1:22:28 Adam Uh-huh. I see. Fugitives. Seriously, what happened to you? Tell us.

1:22:35 Caller Nothing happened to me.

1:22:37 Adam Really? When did you lose your virginity?

1:22:40 Caller Oh, gosh. That was a long time ago.

1:22:43 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:22:44 Drew How old were you?

1:22:45 Adam Nine?

1:22:46 Caller No.

1:22:46 Adam How old?

1:22:48 Caller I was, like, 14, 15.

1:22:50 Adam 14, 15? 12, 13. Listen, there's not a woman in the world. My grandmother is 85. She knows the date she lost her virginity in her exact age.

1:23:01 Caller Well, I...

1:23:01 Adam There's no 22-year-old girl who goes 14, 15. You know how old you were. How old were you?

1:23:07 Caller Well, see, the thing is that I'm not a typical female. I don't like... You know, my feelings are not attached to my body. So, you know what I mean? I'm kind of like a guy as far as sex is concerned.

1:23:24 Adam Is your dad drink?

1:23:26 Caller No, my dad was sober.

1:23:27 Adam What did he do? Is he a religious freak?

1:23:31 Caller Well, my parents, they are like Christians, yeah.

1:23:37 Adam Did they hit you with objects?

1:23:39 Caller No, they didn't hit me with objects.

1:23:41 Adam Well, what happened to you?

1:23:44 Caller Well, I just...

1:23:47 Adam No, I don't buy it.

1:23:49 Caller What happened?

1:23:50 Adam What do you mean? When did you lose your virginity? Fourteen or fifteen?

1:23:55 Caller One of those ages.

1:23:56 Adam Okay, nutball.

1:23:58 Caller It wasn't important to me.

1:23:59 Adam Oh, you don't know what age you were.

1:24:02 Caller Pervert, oh, for the love of God, woman, answer the bloody question.

1:24:05 Guest Who was it with? That's what I want to know.

1:24:06 Adam Oh, she doesn't remember that either.

1:24:08 Caller Yeah, I remember who it was with. It was some guy in high school. He was actually a virgin too.

1:24:15 Caller All right.

1:24:16 Adam All right. Listen, screwball, you're going to get into drugs?

1:24:21 Caller No.

1:24:22 Caller All right.

1:24:23 Adam You're going to get into trouble. I don't trust Luciano or any of the other two tenors he hangs around with.

1:24:30 Drew The big piece of your story missing, Katrina. Either you're not remembering, you're denying it, you're not willing to tell us. There's some big, big piece here missing.

1:24:38 Adam You're not fooling us for a second. Something happened. You got to look into that, all right?

1:24:42 Guest I mean, if you're not thinking, you know, if you're not attaching any emotions to your... That's like Luke Skywalker abandoning the force. Listen to your...

1:24:50 Adam That's right. All right. I can't say that anymore. I've just been told. I didn't know. Come on, Anderson. Lighten up.

1:24:57 Guest It's 1140.

1:24:58 Caller Sorry.

1:24:59 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. Let's just check in with Cindy before we get to break. Cindy?

1:25:04 Caller Yes?

1:25:04 Adam You're 23?

1:25:05 Caller Yeah.

1:25:06 Adam You're trying to stay sober?

1:25:08 Caller Yeah, I'm trying to stay sober. I'm seven days clean. I have a question about my boyfriend that I've been with for 10 months.

1:25:15 Adam What's he on?

1:25:17 Caller Well, we both were just doing weed and shrooms and stuff like that. But mine was more of an addiction personality kind of a thing. No, boy.

1:25:29 Adam What else does that mean?

1:25:30 Drew I will get more after the break.

1:25:31 Caller All right.

1:25:32 Adam Cindy?

1:25:33 Caller Yeah.

1:25:33 Adam We'll talk to you, all right?

1:25:34 Caller Okay.

1:25:34 Adam It'll just be a few minutes, all right? All right. We'll be back with Cindy after this.

1:25:39 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:25:43 Adam Well, it's worth hearing.

1:25:45 Caller This is Loveline on outrageous talk radio 100.7, The Buzz.

1:26:04 Caller Greetings, citizens, Space Ghost here, and you're listening to Nighttime Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla. It's Swell. Experience complete enjoyment with your doodur.

1:26:16 Adam Oh, I like the rest of that one, Anderson.

1:26:20 Caller You can learn about your Tinkies.

1:26:21 Adam There you go.

1:26:22 Caller Or perhaps your Wunky. Or maybe why your Twinkie won't swell.

1:26:29 Adam I love that Space Ghost. I think he's out of Atlanta.

1:26:33 Drew It's been too long since we've seen him.

1:26:35 Adam Yeah, well, we've never seen him. That's why it's been so long. But he does call every once in a while when he's coming in town and threatening to hang out, but I never end up seeing him.

1:26:43 Drew Or that you're at lunch with him or something.

1:26:44 Adam He calls me at my office once every six months. He says his real name. I don't recognize it. And then he goes, Space Ghost.

1:26:53 Caller And I go, oh, hey, Space Ghost.

1:26:56 Adam What's happening?

1:26:56 Guest So you just call him Space Ghost for the residue comes in.

1:26:58 Adam Yep. And he says he's coming into town and he wants to have lunch. And I tell him to call me and we never, we never do it.

1:27:04 Guest That's going to be Seth's future. You're going to be stewing probably for many, many years.

1:27:09 Adam That would be Seth MacFarlane from The Family Guy. We also have Alex Borstein from Mad TV and The Family Guy. And again, Tuesday night, tomorrow, 8.30, Fox, watch this show. It's very funny. Cindy?

1:27:21 Caller Yeah.

1:27:22 Adam You're 23.

1:27:23 Caller What's up? Well, I just had a question about my boyfriend that I've been with for 10 months.

1:27:29 Drew Now, you were addicted to marijuana, right?

1:27:32 Caller Yeah. Well, I wasn't. I'm not. I wasn't really addicted. I think it was more of my personality.

1:27:37 Drew There's no such thing as a person.

1:27:39 Caller I mean, I had a lot of personality.

1:27:42 Guest All right, so we'll take it easy. Okay.

1:27:44 Drew All right.

1:27:45 Caller Well, anyway, I was doing marijuana, and so I decided to stop. And my boyfriend is still using, but...

1:27:53 Drew Just marijuana?

1:27:54 Caller Yeah.

1:27:54 Drew Every day?

1:27:55 Caller No. No, maybe once every two weeks.

1:27:58 Drew Okay.

1:27:59 Caller But I was just wondering...

1:28:00 Adam I don't even count that as using, by the way.

1:28:02 Caller Once a week.

1:28:03 Drew He's not an addict.

1:28:05 Caller No. But I was wondering if it was healthy for me to stay with him. I mean, there's a lot more to the story, but...

1:28:11 Caller Oh, boy.

1:28:13 Adam Hey, Cindy, let me ask you a question.

1:28:14 Caller What?

1:28:15 Adam You were using marijuana, but you weren't addicted to it or anything like that. And you quit, even though you didn't really have to quit. You decided to quit anyway. Now, now, now, now, now, your boyfriend uses it sparingly by Loveline standards. And we don't even count that as using marijuana once every two weeks. And you're kind of freaked out about this. Why are you so freaked out about all this stuff?

1:28:36 Caller There's a lot more to it.

1:28:38 Adam Go right ahead.

1:28:39 Caller Well, we got into a fight two weeks ago and I slapped him. And it was like very bad compulsive behavior.

1:28:50 Adam You're lucky he was stoned. He would have hurled a pallet at it.

1:28:53 Guest What a felt it.

1:28:54 Guest Do you see a therapist?

1:28:56 Caller I'm trying to see a therapist.

1:28:58 Drew What do you mean you're trying?

1:28:59 Caller I've been trying to go, but they're not... They're like giving me like three weeks, like, oh, you can see me in three weeks. I mean, I'm trying. I'm calling them.

1:29:08 Adam My therapist says that place is hard to get.

1:29:10 Guest Is this through college, like on a college campus?

1:29:12 Caller That's where I'm trying to go. And I'm also trying to go through my insurance.

1:29:16 Drew Can you go to MA in the meantime?

1:29:18 Caller Yes, I do. And yeah, I go every time.

1:29:20 Adam I know, but here's the real question. Why, what is this? Is this something that was gone on in your family?

1:29:26 Caller Well, yeah, I have a lot of problems.

1:29:29 Adam Yeah, but regarding substances in your family?

1:29:32 Drew It has to be.

1:29:33 Caller Oh yeah, my mom is a heroin addict. She's recovered.

1:29:37 Adam Okay, so you're really like extra sensitive about it.

1:29:40 Caller Yeah.

1:29:41 Adam Okay.

1:29:41 Caller Well, anyway, after I hit him, he broke up with me and I tried to commit suicide. And so that's when I like...

1:29:49 Adam How did you try to commit suicide?

1:29:51 Caller With codeine pills.

1:29:52 Drew And why did you hospitalized for that?

1:29:53 Caller I was.

1:29:54 Adam How many did you take?

1:29:56 Caller Ten.

1:29:57 Drew And there was no follow up, no therapy?

1:29:59 Caller No, they just let me go the same night.

1:30:01 Drew Oh, boy.

1:30:02 Adam Ten codeine? Listen, that's not a good suicide attempt, is it, Drew? Ten codeine?

1:30:10 Drew Maybe a good one, but it's one.

1:30:11 Adam I do that on a weekend. I sit down with a model Jägermeister. That's not bad, is it?

1:30:17 Caller Well, I don't... I think it was more of a cry out for help.

1:30:20 Adam Right, right. Okay.

1:30:23 Caller So, I'm very compulsive about wanting my boyfriend in my life, but he broke up with me, so that's why I committed suicide. I tried.

1:30:32 Adam Right. Well, you've cried out. But you're very compulsive about everything, right?

1:30:37 Caller Yeah, I guess you can say that.

1:30:38 Adam You got a lot of energy.

1:30:39 Drew What's your question, Cindy?

1:30:40 Caller Well, my question is, we talked last night, and he didn't want to have anything to do with me, and I said I wanted him in my life. So he said, fine, okay, let's take it slow. But I'm just worried that this isn't going to be healthy, even though I'm trying to get my life back.

1:30:55 Guest It sounds to me like you should do just that first and then think about a relationship.

1:30:59 Drew Isn't it interesting how when he really is leaving, that causes such total destruction for you, that you have to get him back, then he comes back and then you think, well, this isn't healthy, I don't want this.

1:31:12 Adam Yeah. Hey, Cindy, you got a million issues, and a lot of them are sort of contradictory issues.

1:31:19 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:31:19 Adam This guy's, you know, he barely smokes any weed at all, and he's a pot anic, and you wonder if that's gonna destroy your life, and she has so much energy. Just focus on yourself and your therapy. Relax with the relationship. Let it work its way out.

1:31:33 Drew But she can't, this is one of the people that can't tolerate the abandonment.

1:31:36 Adam Right.

1:31:37 Drew The ending of the relationship is intolerable to her. It's a total devastation. And that's really when the therapy needs to be connected. You need to get involved with somebody who can watch you and supervise you through the stress.

1:31:48 Adam All right. Well, she's trying, so she just has to hook up. Bob?

1:31:53 Drew Yeah, what's up?

1:31:54 Adam You're 27. What's going on there?

1:31:56 Caller I was thinking about using a penis pump.

1:31:58 Adam Me too. Want to go in halfsies?

1:32:02 Caller It's like a time share.

1:32:04 Caller I'll get it.

1:32:04 Adam I'll take it like Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

1:32:07 Caller Now, wait a second, Norton.

1:32:09 Caller What if this is a seven-day gig?

1:32:11 Caller That kind of leaves you out of the picture.

1:32:13 Adam No, you can't. It leaves you out of the picture, brother.

1:32:17 Guest Is this to enlarge?

1:32:19 Guest Wait a second.

1:32:20 Caller You can both use the penis pump.

1:32:24 Adam Yeah. What do you want to know about it?

1:32:26 Caller Do they work? No.

1:32:31 Adam Well, I hear conflicting stories. Basically, no, but the only thing that makes me suspicious is, and this is the reason why I want to get one, is they make ones that are like $39.95, and then there's one that's $258, and I'm thinking, now that's the one that works. I'm going for the deluxe shop, because my penis is worth it. They have one that's made out of like, you know, surgical steel and...

1:32:58 Drew Yeah, you're going to have to do a little work for the show. You gotta get that thing, you're gonna have to experiment.

1:33:02 Adam Really?

1:33:03 Drew Yep, you're gonna have to do it.

1:33:04 Adam I could probably write it off, huh?

1:33:06 Guest You know what, you know what, we'll make your penis larger, watching Family Guy Tuesday at 8.30 on Fox.

1:33:11 Adam That's right.

1:33:12 Caller Oh, believe me, that worked before.

1:33:14 Adam Hey.

1:33:14 Caller All right.

1:33:16 Adam Hey, Bob, they don't work. I don't think they work, but maybe I should try one, Drew.

1:33:21 Drew We need a control here.

1:33:22 Guest I got to say, this is so great, hearing about all these men who are worrying about this, just because I know there's so many women worrying about breast size and this and that.

1:33:32 Guest I'm totally ignorant. What do these things do exactly?

1:33:36 Drew They suck on the back.

1:33:37 Adam They put, you put this seal over your penis. It has an opening on one end. You pull the oxygen out of it, it creates a vacuum and it just basically puts pressure on your on your penis and I don't know how long you have to keep it in there.

1:33:52 Drew But I want you to go experience.

1:33:54 Adam Yeah, but I can only have an erection for so long before I have to take care of it.

1:33:58 Guest Cone of silence maybe.

1:33:59 Drew This will give your hands a break.

1:34:01 Adam Yes, any Get Smart fans will know that it is the cone of silence for your penis. Your penis can no longer communicate with your balls.

1:34:11 Drew But men that are preoccupied about this are always having major issues about their worth. This becomes the symbol of their worth and they feel awful about themselves and if they just correct this they are convinced things will be better. And of course it is not.

1:34:24 Adam If guys would just perfect the oral sex you will be in demand.

1:34:29 Drew How about getting together in your career a little bit? Can you perfect your life a little more?

1:34:34 Caller Mike? Uh-huh?

1:34:36 Adam Mike at 22 you tried to have sex with girlfriend but couldn't get her keep an erection.

1:34:42 Caller Yeah, typical question. Basically yeah.

1:34:46 Adam Have you ever had this problem before?

1:34:48 Caller No, that's the reason I was calling. I've never had this problem before. I don't know, I just started getting intimate with her like yesterday.

1:34:57 Drew Is it a new girlfriend?

1:34:59 Caller Yeah.

1:34:59 Drew Are you really into her? Yeah, I am. You're just anxious. You want medication?

1:35:04 Caller No, I'm not.

1:35:05 Drew Anxiety, you're anxious, nervous?

1:35:08 Caller That's what I thought but we try to relax. I don't know.

1:35:11 Adam Yeah, but you can't try to relax once the penis won't cooperate.

1:35:16 Drew That's it.

1:35:16 Adam That's not going to work. You've got to scrub that mission.

1:35:19 Drew It runs down the leg.

1:35:21 Guest Have you guys been friends for a while?

1:35:23 Adam My penis will go right under the toe kick in the kitchen and hide under there right I can't get to it.

1:35:28 Caller I'm sorry Adam, I'm rather busy right now, perhaps later.

1:35:31 Drew Behind the refrigerator?

1:35:32 Adam That's right.

1:35:33 Guest That's Adam's penis?

1:35:34 Guest That's Adam's penis. Adam's penis is British, I don't know why.

1:35:37 Adam Thank you. We'll take ourselves a, at least it's not Japanese. That's trouble.

1:35:45 Guest There you go.

1:35:45 Drew You've been mistaken for that.

1:35:47 Adam Lee's true. All right. That's all right. That's only if I were getting trouble. My urethra is a little misshapen, so it makes kind of an oval shape at the end. That's why. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:36:06 Caller We'll be right back with more Love Line.

1:36:10 Caller This is Love Line on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7, The Buzz.

1:36:17 Caller Well, now.

1:36:18 Caller This has been Love Line. The stuff expressed on Love Line is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Love Line is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Monday, March 6, 2000