Episode 1000754888335

0:08 Voiceover Now, here's Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191 With Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

0:14 Voiceover What are you insane?

0:21 Hey, hey, hey, hey, it's LoveLine.

0:25 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-5-5.

0:32 Yay!

0:34 Adam Rob Schneider was supposed to come in here tonight. Rob Schneider, we met when we were in New York doing Conan. Turned out to be a big fan of the show and a very nice guy. He met his girlfriend. Then he did the TV show and again was equally as gracious. Supposed to come in here tonight. Turns out he's not going to be here.

0:55 Drew You know why?

0:56 Adam I know why and it's funny because when he was on the TV show we were talking about his buddy Adam Sandler.

1:01 Drew I remember that.

1:01 Adam And what a good time it would be to be buddies with Adam Sandler. How somehow I could be buddies with Adam Sandler instead of guys like the Wheeze and Snake.

1:10 Drew Right, I was complaining with you not treating me right.

1:13 Adam Right, well as it turns out his buddy Adam Sandler decided to go to Hawaii and fly all his other buddies to Hawaii too. And Rob didn't want to turn that down.

1:24 Drew No, on a private jet.

1:26 Adam On a private jet, yes, right. And as I was saying to Ann yesterday when she was lamenting Rob Schneider not coming in here, would you have turned it down? And Ann immediately said no.

1:38 So, yeah, we forgive him.

1:39 Drew It's cool.

1:40 Adam Yeah, so he'll come in when he comes in. Drew? I'm extra tired tonight. Oh, really? Yeah. Why? Because normally on Thursdays we do the four shows, TV shows. And then I go home and I actually take a nap.

1:54 Drew Oh, see, I, huh, huh, huh. Huh? Not me. I go deal with kids for three hours, so.

1:59 Adam Whose kids?

2:00 Drew Mine.

2:00 Adam From which marriage?

2:01 Drew Stay with me.

2:02 Adam From the second marriage?

2:04 Drew This one marriage.

2:05 Adam The one marriage.

2:05 Drew The one and only one.

2:06 Adam The first marriage?

2:06 Drew Yeah.

2:07 Adam Okay. I usually go home, masturbate and take a nap. Watch like ten minutes of Friends and then fall asleep again. And then come in here with a semi-charged battery, although a little disoriented.

2:18 Drew Right.

2:18 Adam Not sure what day it is.

2:20 Drew Right.

2:20 Adam The good thing about a nap for me is whenever I wake up, it's a new day. I go to bed at 5.45 in the afternoon. I wake up at 6.15. It's a new day.

2:29 Drew Right.

2:29 Adam That's the way I look at it. And you know what I'll do too, which is kind of weird? I'll eat a bowl of cereal when I wake up from a nap. Isn't that weird? I'll go to bed at like 4.30 in the afternoon. I'll wake up at 6.00 in the evening of the same day and I'll eat a bowl of cereal and I'll act like I'm getting up for the first time that day. But instead I went out to dinner and had a few glasses of wine. Oh great. It's really not going to work out tonight.

2:56 Drew You went out with your man show crew.

2:57 Adam It really is not going to work out.

2:58 Drew How was it?

3:00 Adam Fine. All I did was eat and drink wine. I'm telling the listeners that are expecting a high-quality show tonight, just tune out right now. You ain't getting it.

3:11 Drew Why would they tune to this show to hear a high-quality show?

3:14 Adam That's reverse psychology, you idiot. James, you're 31.

3:18 Caller I am indeed.

3:19 Adam What's going on?

3:20 Caller Well nothing. First of all I wanted to say thank you very much for taking my call. I appreciate it. Basically I don't really have a question. I just kind of want to hassle you guys about something that I perceive in your general attitude toward something. Correct me if I'm wrong. Whenever you have a listener call who says, basically if it's a male, he says he's homosexual, you're always very accepting about it, you put forth a very politically correct acceptance of gay people, which I think is great, but they're always, the tag question is always, so did your uncle get at you? Or whatever. Do you think that that does kind of suggest that there is something aberrant about this, that it is not proper? It's okay if you're there, but something weird must have happened to make itself. Yes, no?

4:06 Adam Well, here's my answer to that. To me, gayness is, God created some of it and then the rest was created in the basement. And we're never sure who created which, or which time. Do you know what I mean? To put it this way, there's some people who call... God, Adam?

4:24 Drew God?

4:24 Adam Well, you know what I mean, a force of nature.

4:27 Drew Of biology.

4:28 Adam There's some people that call in and they're gay and they've always felt gay and no one ever touched them and they've been interested in guys and they knew it since they were seven years old and that's the way they've been and I'm not going to argue with them. And then there are guys who call in who are gay and somebody fiddled with them when they were a little bit younger, camp counselor, basketball coach, weird uncle. And what I want to know is which one are you? So I always ask. And I know it sounds kind of condescending but you got to understand also that whereas you know ten percent of homosexuals in society were the ones who were fiddled with, eighty-five percent of our callers who are gay are the ones who were fiddled with.

5:06 Drew That's all we know that the vast majority of our callers come from a history of sexual abuse and we can also tell that that's the one we're dealing with by the kind of chaos they surround them so it's kind of ambivalence and catechalings.

5:19 Adam Most guys that were gay from the womb, the last snatch they saw by the way, most guys who come out gay, they don't call us up. They're all right with it, they're comfortable, they've got a nice life partner, everything's okay.

5:33 Drew Or those that do, we can feel the difference. You sort of feel it in our gut.

5:37 Caller Well, because first of all there's a knee-jerk denial and then...

5:41 Adam Well, sometimes there is and then other times there isn't. As a matter of fact, a lot of times people who are gay, and this is males and females, are calling the show that got fiddled with, as I euphemistically call it when they were younger, don't connect that to their sexual proclivity of today. And so they readily admit, oh yeah, sure, a couple of camp counselors got to me when I was 11, but that has nothing to do with the way I feel today at 21. Well, we probably know different, but we really can't talk them out of it, because that's what they're into. What are you into, James?

6:14 Caller Oh, well, right now, I would consider myself a non-practicing bisexual. I mean, I've never, I've only ever been with women. I mean, I would entertain the notion of a man if it ever came up, never did.

6:24 Adam Yeah, that's like, I like to think of myself as a pre-op transsexual. But I'm never going to get the operation. The pre-op transsexual?

6:34 Caller Yeah, I thought that was like, you know, after you've already had the hormone therapy and whatnot.

6:38 Adam Well, there's pre-op and there's pre-pre-op. I like to think of myself as pre-pre-op. I have not taken any estrogen yet.

6:46 Caller Yeah, I'm not, I mean, I have no personal involvement in this. I'm just sitting there listening to the show, which by the way, in spite of myself, I enjoy it tremendously.

6:54 Drew That's why it was like a personal involvement.

6:56 Caller It seems like this is the sort of thing, the thing in the background, like it's always presented as an aberrant thing. But now that you've explained it, it makes perfect sense.

7:02 Adam Well, thank you, James. Keep listening.

7:05 Caller I will do that.

7:06 Adam All right, keep all doors open, especially that back door.

7:09 Drew And remember, all we're going for is the truth. That's all. And people don't like dealing with the truth.

7:14 Adam Well, I have a little agenda.

7:16 Drew What?

7:17 Adam I like to make fun of the gays, you know.

7:19 Drew I have no agenda. And I'm just trying to help people sort out how humans really behave and what really brings them to the point they're at in the present day. What causes that and what it's about.

7:32 Adam That's enough out of you. Kenny?

7:34 Yeah.

7:34 Adam You're 16.

7:36 Caller Yeah. What's going on? My question is, when I masturbate... Oh, first I got to say, Adam, you kick ass, dude. I listen to your show every night.

7:43 Adam Thank you.

7:44 Caller Yes. I mean, and Drew, you kick ass, too, but...

7:47 Drew Not as much as Adam, but...

7:49 Adam I think, Drew, it's safe to say, Drew kicks, let's say, cheek, maybe cheek and a half, but he doesn't get the whole ass.

7:55 Drew And Adam gave me a huge compliment today. We had all those rewind things on the TV show.

8:00 Adam Yeah, we had a rewind.

8:01 Drew And Adam was, oh, Drew's good. And I thought, oh my God. I mean, anything other than just absolute total abuse.

8:08 Adam Well, I was watching him on the monitor answer one of these LoveLine rewinds, which we do on the TV show. We check in with someone who called in a couple of months ago. It's actually, it's sort of good. And it's the only time I ever see the show, because we do this show while the TV show is being rerunned. And by the time I get home, I just watch Talk Soup. So I actually got to sit there and watch Drew for 30 seconds, and it's pretty decent. Maybe just got lucky. Kenny?

8:35 Caller Yeah, Adam, first I got to say too, I'm moving to Florida, so I can't listen to your show anymore after today.

8:41 Adam Where in Florida are you going?

8:42 Caller I'm going to Panama City. I'll be able to see it on MTV, but I won't be able to hear it on the radio, because it will come on at like 1 o'clock in the morning. But my question is, whenever I masturbate, it doesn't feel like it's all coming out, and I was wondering if that's normal or what.

9:03 Adam I always feel that way, too. I always feel like there's got to be more.

9:06 Caller I know, and this is it.

9:07 Adam That was it. I've been thinking about that for 14 hours, and that was it. There's got to be more than that. Well, you know what I'll do sometimes? I'll actually take my scrotum, and you know when you're trying to get some ketchup out of a jar?

9:19 Drew Bang the top.

9:19 Adam Yeah, bang on it for a little while?

9:21 Drew Yeah.

9:22 Adam I'll do that. Nothing.

9:23 Drew Do a headstand.

9:24 You should roll up the end, like the toothpaste.

9:27 Adam Roll up, and I'll step on it. See if I can't squeeze any more out of it.

9:31 Drew I don't know what Kenny's talking about, frankly. All right.

9:33 Adam Well, let me find out. Kenny?

9:35 Caller Yeah.

9:36 Adam What do you mean you don't feel like it's all coming out?

9:39 Caller Like after it's all over, it still feels like there's some in there.

9:43 Drew You mean in the urethra? Like there's some drip?

9:45 Caller Like there's still some in there that isn't coming out.

9:47 Drew There's some drip out eventually?

9:48 Caller Like later on, yeah.

9:50 Drew That's normal.

9:51 Caller Okay. I just wanted to make sure of that.

9:53 Adam But Drew, isn't it true you kind of know like, you know when you go number two, no matter how much, you know, you could put out like 150 feet of anchor rope, you know, but you'll go, well, I mean, you really put some out sometimes, but you go, now I know there's still some in there, and then you could put out less the next day and go, now that's it.

10:15 Drew Yeah, and that is not a terribly accurate sensation, and there, the stuff, it isn't, in the, I think I'm pretty, I think it is for me, it's pretty good. In the Jaculet, there often guys have a little bit left, sort of behind, and the aretha road has to kind of come down by itself.

10:32 Adam Yeah, I guess I'm done when I'm done, but you know, I always feel like when I'm doing my first one, you know, of the afternoon, I go, like of the morning, I go, I'm going to go for three. That's always my thing. Like it's really, I masturbate the same way I eat, which is when I'm really hungry, I eat three pies. I go, I'm going to eat all three pies. And I go, you know, you go to the buffet, and you're in Vegas, and I go, we got pumpkin, we got cherry, and we got apple, and you go, I'm going to eat all three of those. I swear to God, I'll eat all three of those. And then, you know, I have to eat three or four pieces of one, you go, they're great. Oh, then you're disgusted. You're disgusted, and that's about enough. But when I masturbate, I masturbate like I'm at the buffet. Like I go, okay, I'm going for three, and then it'll pop in my head where I go, come on, Adam. You know you're going for three. You say you're going for three every time, and then I start arguing with myself. Oh, yes, I am. Oh, yes, I am. You watch me. Then I go, come on, you're not going to do it. You're going to do it. You're going to get disgusted with yourself. You're going to walk with your pants around your ankles. Probably going to fall over on the way to Hamper. Then you're going to go downstairs. You're going to watch some TV. And then you're going to go to bed. No, no, not this time. I'm going for three. As a matter of fact, the first one is just a warm up. This is a warm up. That's like a warning shot. It's nothing but confetti in the first one. I'm not getting to the real payload until the second or third. But like clockwork, since I've done the first one, that's it. I'm done. The first is the first, the middle and the last.

12:01 Drew Now you're done. You're disgusted.

12:04 Adam Then the pendulum swings the other way.

12:06 Drew I'll never do it again.

12:07 Adam That's it for that. Thank God I got that out of my system. That'll be enough of that. Oh, imagine what I'm going to do with all my free time now. Trady, you're 16.

12:19 Caller Hello.

12:19 Adam What's going on?

12:20 Caller Um, okay. Well, thanks for taking my call. I think I have Alzheimer's for like teenagers. Is that possible?

12:31 Adam You have old timers?

12:32 Drew There's no such thing.

12:33 Caller There isn't?

12:34 Drew No.

12:34 Caller Because I've been having memory loss and I went to the doctor about it.

12:39 Adam For teenagers.

12:40 Caller I have. Don't laugh at me.

12:43 Adam That's called smoking pot.

12:45 Caller No. I've never in my life. I've never taken any drugs or anything.

12:50 Adam Hey, Drew, spell Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's.

12:53 Drew A-L-Z-H-E-I-M-E-R-S.

12:56 Caller But since I was like in fourth grade...

12:57 Adam But shouldn't they just call it old timers?

13:00 Drew People do that.

13:01 Adam Doesn't seem to make more sense.

13:02 Drew Alzheimer's, yes.

13:03 Adam Is there a guy named Alzheimer's?

13:04 Caller Yes.

13:05 Adam Okay.

13:06 Caller But when I was like in fourth grade...

13:08 Adam How come no guys named Smith or Jackson come up with any diseases?

13:12 Drew It's always French neurologists around the turn of the century.

13:14 Adam For Christ's sake. Yes. It's a bunch of crap you can't pronounce. We have any American, any black guys invent any diseases for Christ's sake.

13:24 Caller You guys are so bad.

13:26 Adam Let the girl talk. All right. They're all stuff you can't pronounce.

13:30 Drew Charcot-Marie-Tooth.

13:32 Adam There you go. There's no Lincoln.

13:35 Drew There's some German ones. Hollywood and Spots disease.

13:37 Adam All right. Now I'm going to vomit. All right, Katie. So you can't remember anything.

13:41 Caller No, I can't. Okay. Since I was in fourth grade, I had a brain scan and because my mom was concerned that I had something wrong, maybe a tumor or something in my head, because I've never been always there educational wise, you know, and so they didn't find anything. But then I went to a specialist and I found out I had a homogen learning disabilities and dyslexia and ADHD and all this stuff. And then just recently, I went to the doctor because I'd been losing my memory like totally. I'd be going downstairs and I'd forget what I was doing.

14:18 Drew What medication are you on?

14:20 Caller Wellbutrin.

14:22 Drew Memory problems from Wellbutrin are very common.

14:24 Adam Maybe they got like a-

14:25 Drew In fact, that's the most common complaint. Now, that's not widely known. You should know that, Carrie. Your doctor may not be aware of that. But I have had three patients have extraordinary memory problems with Wellbutrin. And that's what's causing this.

14:37 Adam Hold on.

14:37 Drew It's your Wellbutrin.

14:39 Adam Don't use the mic cord like a surfboard leash, for Christ's sake. We got enough problems here.

14:43 Drew Good point.

14:43 Caller Is there any other medication that I can take to protect it?

14:46 Drew I'm sure there are. You have a complex medical problem. And they may wish to continue with Wellbutrin in spite of the memory problems. Because it's believed that those memory problems are reversible. But that is a very common condition.

14:57 Adam Hey, Drew, isn't going to a specialist and inquiring about a learning disability a lot like going to a brake specialist and putting the car up on the rack? Aren't they going to find something? They're going to find something, aren't they? You could take a car right off the lot, drive it across the street to a brake specialist, put it up on a rack for a free inspection, and they would tell you, it's getting close to time to change the pads. And you're probably going to want to turn the rotors.

15:25 Drew It depends what kind of testing is done.

15:26 Adam You go to some guy and you go, listen, I'm not doing well, I have a high IQ, but I can't remember, retain anything in school, and I get in fidgety, and I stare at the clock, and I get distracted, they're going to tell you got something.

15:39 Drew About that field is how much we're pathologizing people's learning. Is normal where we should all be? Is that just where we have to be? I think below that is pathology?

15:53 Adam For instance, we deal with a lot of creative types, guys in bands, actors, those guys, musicians. None of these guys did well in school, yet they all, most none of them did well in school, yet they all seem to flourish now. They make a lot of money, they go on the road, they work hard, they have houses, they do all right for themselves, better than most. Do they all have a learning disability, or maybe school just wasn't their forte? Does that mean we had to slap a label on all of them? They're all intelligent guys, and they seem to be able to work pretty hard. I mean, they go into the studio, they record albums, they write music, they go on the road and they play. But yet, it seems like none of them did very well in school, and they all got labeled loser at one time or the other. Do they all have a disability?

16:43 Drew This is a philosophical question.

16:46 Adam They don't.

16:48 Drew They may, and they may also flourish.

16:51 Caller All right, Drew.

16:52 Adam Stop taking the easy way out all the time. Just agree with me. Krista.

16:56 Hi.

16:56 Adam Hey, you're 19.

16:57 Caller Yeah.

16:58 First of all, let me just give you a little bit of background information on me. I'm a virgin. I have very little experience. I have never experimented with any drug, never smoked, I don't drink. I'm just an all-around good kid, insanely good. I live with my parents, and I've been really close to my family all my life. We really love each other, but they're killing me. I can't pick my own friends, clothes, music, nothing. If they don't approve of something that I have, they'll just throw it out. I would just leave and be on my own and stuff like that, because I am 19. But they've told me that if I ever leave without permission, that I'm never welcome back. They have raised me to believe that anything that I attempt to do without their blessing, I'm going to fail at. So I'm really afraid to strike out on my own.

17:43 Drew Are you an only child? No. Do they do the same thing to your siblings?

17:47 No.

17:48 Drew Just you?

17:49 I mean, I'm the oldest.

17:51 Adam Give us an example of something they've thrown out recently.

17:55 I had a shirt that had a dragon on it, and because the dragon means Satan, they just took it and threw it away.

18:07 Adam Does the dragon mean Satan, or that's their interpretation of it?

18:11 That's their interpretation of it.

18:12 Drew Is there a cultural or religious thing going on here?

18:15 Um, not really.

18:17 Adam There's not a religious thing going on there?

18:20 Well, yeah. Yeah, they're pretty religious. But I don't... I mean, they're very strict, and their views are unbalanced, I think, on stuff. Because, I mean, despite the fact that all the things that I've never done, they still think that I'm just this terrible child.

18:39 Adam Oh, listen, they don't really think you're a terrible child. They probably brag about you when you're not in the room, but their ideas keep you down.

18:46 But I'm seriously not allowed...

18:49 Adam Listen, I've worked for people like this. There's a couple... quiet down now, I'll throw you out with that dragon shirt. Listen to me. There's a couple of schools of thought. Some people, if you're an employer, say to your employee, what a great job he's doing to make him happy. And the other is, don't tell him he's doing a good job. Tell him he's doing a horrible job and he'll never ask you for a raise. I think your parents are from the latter school.

19:11 Drew And the latter school, wherever it should occur, is exploitative.

19:14 Adam Yeah, they know you're a good kid. They know you're doing well. But they don't necessarily want to let you know because they don't want to take the pressure off of you. But you're 19. Are you in college?

19:25 Caller No, but I mean the thing is I've been raised to believe that I'm going to die if I have sex before I get married. I have a very unbalanced view of sex. I know that already.

19:34 Adam So you want to talk to your folks off the air?

19:36 Caller But would it be healthy if I had my own?

19:38 Adam Do you have any literature?

19:39 Caller And risk failure and burn my bridges behind me?

19:41 Adam I thought you were a good student.

19:43 Caller I am.

19:44 Adam Why aren't you in college?

19:46 Caller Because I don't have the money for college. I pay for all of my own expenses. I pay them rent.

19:53 Adam How much rent do you pay them?

19:55 Caller About like 150 bucks a month.

19:57 Drew Then you are not even dependent on it. Why do they have you brainwashed?

20:02 Adam Why don't you just move out?

20:03 Drew Yeah, I think it's safer.

20:04 Caller I think that would be healthy.

20:05 Adam Are you working?

20:06 Caller Yeah, but I mean I just don't feel like it. I mean rent is like 400 bucks for anywhere decent.

20:13 Adam No, yes. Yeah, well, here is the deal. You may have to struggle a little. You may have to get a roommate or two. You may have to share a bedroom. These are all sacrifices. You may have to make to get out from under their thumb. But if they're driving you insane, it's a small price to pay.

20:30 Drew You don't have an eating disorder or anything like that?

20:32 Caller No, and you know what? The hardest thing is that I'm really pretty. You know, I mean 38, 27, 37.

20:39 Drew And but you've not even, no depression.

20:41 Adam Hold on, I gotta do the radio math on this one. 38, 27.

20:48 Caller 37.

20:50 Adam I take two from the 38. That goes to 36. I put one of them and make the waste a 28 and then the other down to a 38. Still, it pans out pretty good. Yeah.

21:05 Caller You know, I've never, I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend. I'm not allowed to date.

21:09 Adam What, what, have you never been touched by a man? Nope. Yeah. You ever made out with a guy?

21:18 Caller Well, sort of, but barely because I freaked out.

21:22 Adam French kiss?

21:23 Caller Yeah.

21:24 Adam Yeah. And you freaked out?

21:26 Caller Well, after, it was starting to progress and then I just got really scared and I couldn't.

21:31 Adam All right. Your parents are...

21:35 Drew Abusive.

21:35 Adam They're a little too involved.

21:36 Drew Yeah.

21:37 Adam You know what I mean? They're brainwashing you a little bit.

21:40 Caller Yeah.

21:41 Adam But Krista, you seem to know what's going on.

21:44 Caller I do. I'm very intelligent.

21:46 Adam All right. So here's the deal. You need to get out of that environment. You really do.

21:50 Caller Okay.

21:50 Adam That's it. Because...

21:51 Caller That's what I figured I needed to...

21:53 Adam Yes. I just got her off. But she can hear us. You can rationalize all you want. You can intellectualize all you want. But while you're living in the middle of the vortex of the tornado, there's really not a lot you can do. You have to get some distance. Am I right, Drew?

22:10 Drew I think so. I think so.

22:14 Adam Did your parents lean on you that way, Drew?

22:16 Drew Not that bad.

22:17 Adam But they told you stuff?

22:20 Drew I can't. I don't remember anything explicit, no.

22:24 Adam Do you remember any advice? You see, the thing that's weird about my family is, is I cannot remember a piece of advice that my family ever gave me about anything ever. I mean, you know, when it came time, you know, when I was like a senior in high school and it was time to take the SATs or something, I didn't take the SATs. And no one asked me if I was taking the SATs. When college, you know, time to like apply to colleges or whatever came around, I never applied. No one ever asked. I mean, nothing, I was left alone. There's no intervention at all, ever. The only advice my dad ever gave me, and it wasn't even advice really, is he said, listen, whatever happens to you, you had a hand in it.

23:08 Drew Good advice.

23:09 Adam If you go to the store on a Wednesday at noon and it's closed and you're pissed off because it's closed in the middle of the week, in the middle of the day, it's still your fault for not calling. And I went, screw you. What kind of advice is that? That's like anti-advice, you know what I mean? And it's true, but I think that's the only advice I could ever remember getting.

23:29 Drew Great advice, though.

23:31 Adam I know, but who the hell wants to hear that at 17 and a half, for Christ's sake? Do your folks ever tell you anything?

23:37 Drew I'm sure.

23:38 Adam They tell you what to do? Do they want you to be a doctor? Yeah. They had plans?

23:43 Drew Yeah.

23:43 Adam Yeah. It's so bizarre to me. I couldn't imagine. My family had no plans. They never talked about what to do, education, nothing. Just, nope, just go. Is that weird? What is that? Is it stoned or stupid or lazy or empathetic? Is that good?

24:02 Drew Just ask them. What's your perception?

24:04 Adam Listen, I got enough trouble.

24:06 Drew All right.

24:06 Adam I need to...

24:06 Drew Give your grandma a call tomorrow, I'll tell you. We gotta go break.

24:11 Adam All right, hold on. Let me just sell this call. Lori is 18, slept with a male friend and woke up with his penis inside her.

24:20 Caller Yes.

24:21 Adam Yeah. It happened to me once when we were camping.

24:25 Caller I don't know. I was like sleeping over.

24:27 Adam All right. Hold on there, Lori. There may be some gambling when we come back. I gotta tell you.

24:32 Caller Okay.

24:32 Adam This doesn't happen to people we don't gamble on. We'll be back with Lori after this.

24:38 Caller You have five seconds. Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Back in a minute. One.

24:57 Caller You're listening to LoveLine with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

25:04 Adam Yes, you is. Like those bad religion guys. They're smart. Drew's nodding his head. He's got a mouthful of trail mix. Otherwise, he'd be audible-izing, right?

25:18 Caller That's right.

25:20 Adam What you call that, audible-izing? Or is that just the football? Jesus Christ, Mike. You got a sound effect for everything. That must be for lichus, right?

25:33 Caller Yay! Yeah.

25:40 Adam You're 18. You slept with your male friend and you woke up with his penis inside you.

25:47 Caller Yes. I slept over at his place. And then the next morning I woke up and he was inside me.

25:56 Adam And why did you sleep at his place?

25:58 Caller Because I didn't want to stay at my grandmother's place at that time. Because I was living with her at that time, so I was like can I sleep over because I don't want to deal with her crap. And so I slept over and the next thing I knew it was inside me.

26:14 Adam We were going to start some gambling but you gave a little of it away.

26:18 Sorry.

26:20 Drew What was the crap that you were having to deal with?

26:22 Caller My grandmother. Basically my entire family has been giving me this huge guilt trip that I must be this perfect child. And I don't want to deal with it at that time. Screw it. I'm not going to deal with you guys. I'm out of here.

26:41 Adam Where are your parents?

26:43 Caller Back home.

26:44 Caller Oh, they're at home.

26:46 Adam They're not here in the studio with us now?

26:48 Caller No, they're in another country.

26:51 Adam Oh, they're back home in another...

26:53 Caller Yes.

26:54 Adam Laurie, go ahead and say in another country, by the way.

26:57 Caller In another country.

26:58 Adam Just back home. Can that possibly mean anything to us?

27:01 Drew You know what?

27:02 Caller No.

27:03 Drew Another country doesn't quite make it either. What the hell country are we talking about?

27:08 Caller The Philippines.

27:09 Drew They're back in the Philippines.

27:10 Adam Let's do a... I don't want to do a LoveLine Rewind or reenactment here. I want to give just how normal questions and answers were. Go ahead and ask me where my parents are.

27:22 Drew Where are your parents right now?

27:23 Adam Actually they're in Manila. They're from the Philippines, originally. They stayed back there and I came ahead to the States.

27:29 Drew Well, that explains something.

27:31 Adam Back home means zero. Back home could mean Kentucky. It could mean Nebraska. It could mean the Netherlands. What the hell is wrong with our listeners?

27:43 What's my dad doing in Israel?

27:46 Adam Alright, Laurie.

27:47 Caller Okay.

27:47 Adam So you're Filipino?

27:50 Caller Yes.

27:51 Adam Okay. And did your folks move back home?

27:55 Caller Filipino.

27:57 Caller No. I'm here because I went ahead and...

28:02 Adam They never came to this country?

28:04 Caller No. They have not.

28:05 Adam You came to this country without them?

28:07 Caller Yes.

28:08 Adam And your grandmother was here first, right?

28:10 Caller Yes.

28:11 Adam And you came to stay with your grandmother?

28:13 Caller Yes.

28:13 Adam Because you want to come to the United States?

28:16 Caller Yeah.

28:16 Adam Okay. And how old were you when you came here?

28:20 Caller I was 15.

28:22 Drew How were things when you left home?

28:25 Caller My parents were separating.

28:28 Adam Are they allowed to do that? Never hear about a Filipino divorce. Doesn't the government shoot you?

28:34 Drew The guys have to do a lot to the women before they leave them.

28:36 Adam Oh, really? Are you allowed to kill your wife and stuff?

28:39 Drew What was your dad up to?

28:42 Caller My mom was his mistress. They just separated.

28:47 Drew So he was...

28:48 Caller oh boy.

28:50 Adam So he was married before?

28:51 Caller Yes.

28:51 Drew He was married during.

28:53 Adam During. Yeah. So you're sort of an illegitimate child, right?

28:57 Caller Yes. I am.

28:58 Adam Oh, okay. So you moved in with your grandmother. She's a little uptight, right?

29:04 Caller Oh, yeah. She is very uptight.

29:06 Adam She's old school, right?

29:08 Drew Do you have lots of feelings about having been born into this sort of weird relationship?

29:13 Caller No.

29:13 Adam Yeah. I would think in a way that'd be stigmatized in other cultures. Here, it's the norm. As a matter of fact, if your folks are together and you're like in the seventh grade, they make fun of you. Hey, here's Squaresville, baby. Did I say Squaresville anymore? It's like Toby Gill is there. But the point is, this is the exception, not the rule. Right. So you went and you slept with this guy. Now, didn't you expect that when you slept over at his house, that something may happen?

29:46 Caller Not really, because he never showed any interest in me. In fact, for a year, he was obsessed over this other girl.

29:55 Adam And you were into him? Were you into him?

29:59 Caller For a while.

30:00 Adam Okay.

30:00 Caller Then I got over it.

30:02 Drew All right.

30:02 Adam Well, you woke up and his penis was in you.

30:05 Caller Yeah. I want to know if this is rape.

30:07 Adam How do you think?

30:08 Drew I think so.

30:09 Adam How do you think he got his penis into you without you waking up?

30:13 Caller I don't know.

30:14 Caller I just woke up and he was in me. I was like, what are you doing?

30:18 Drew A bunch of lubricants.

30:19 Adam I got to tell you something. When I'm asleep and like a mosquito lands on my heel, I pop up out of bed. There's no way a guy get his dick into me without me waking up. No way. No way. Maybe my mouth. Maybe. One time. Okay. I've been drinking. But never any other orifice. How does this guy get his penis in you?

30:41 Caller I don't know.

30:43 Adam Don't you think there's something kind of up with you that could happen?

30:47 Caller No.

30:48 Adam No.

30:49 Caller No.

30:49 Adam No. That's normal? Listen, I don't mean to bust your balls. If I was talking to him, I'd be busting his balls because this is way out of line. But there's still some culpability here for you.

31:02 Drew Some bad choices.

31:03 Adam Some bad choices. And Drew and I are suspicious that he didn't wake up.

31:08 Drew Were you ever victimized before in any other way?

31:10 Caller Yes.

31:12 Adam We knew it. There had to be something.

31:14 Drew What happened?

31:19 Caller My cousin. How old were you? I was 11.

31:24 Drew It's interesting how that whole victim modality, that victim posture really percolates into the biology. I mean, think about what that means. I mean, when you're asleep, people can still victimize you and the sleep physiology accommodates it. You know what I'm saying?

31:41 Adam Oh, listen.

31:42 Drew It's interesting.

31:43 Adam Here's a point to everyone who's been listening for the last minute and a half. When Drew and I, mostly me, by the way, although I know Drew was thinking this, when you sit here, when we sit here and we're dumbfounded, how did this guy get his penis inside you while you were asleep without you waking up? What is up? What happened? How does this work? And then Drew says, were you victimized? And she says, yeah, when I was 11, and we both go, oh, okay, now I know. Now it all makes sense. Does it not make 100% sense right now?

32:13 Drew Yeah.

32:14 Adam Sure.

32:14 Caller Yeah.

32:15 Adam So it's not really to do with sleeping. It's more to do with being a victim.

32:19 Drew Right. And Laurie's got a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff going on.

32:23 Adam Right.

32:23 Drew And what would we suggest she do? I mean, if she wants to take action against this guy, it would be very difficult to prove that. I think more important is she take action to help herself by getting some professional counseling.

32:35 Adam There's people that are going to call up and they're going to be pissed off. So I'm just going to tell you to kiss my ass in advance. I really will. Because she went over to the guy's house, must have been sleeping in the nude, although God knows what she was in. The point is, is he did this and there really isn't a court in the land that's going to convict this guy.

32:55 Drew Well, but.

32:56 Adam There really isn't.

32:56 Drew That she could prove what happened is the problem. It's a rape.

33:00 Adam I'm not saying that this guy is in an A-hole. I'm just saying in terms of pursuing it legally.

33:05 Drew She won't be able to prove it.

33:06 Adam I don't think she's going to get anywhere. We'd rather her spend her time doing more constructive things, right, Drew? You pick another call.

33:14 Drew I'm thinking. Do you want to do one to tease or one?

33:18 Adam Yeah, let's talk to one.

33:20 Caller All right.

33:22 Adam Mike.

33:23 Caller Hey.

33:24 Adam Hey.

33:24 Caller How's it going?

33:25 Caller Good.

33:26 Caller You guys are gods.

33:28 Caller Really?

33:28 Caller I'm not lying.

33:29 Caller Thanks.

33:30 Caller You think I'm kidding. Like, no, you're not. No, really. You guys are.

33:33 Adam Thank you.

33:34 Caller And I totally look up to you. And you guys like practically my idols. I do mean this equally to not just Adam, but I do mean Drew.

33:40 Adam Thank you. We both appreciate that, but we still don't feel good about ourselves just because of our upbringing.

33:44 Drew In spite of it.

33:45 Caller And you're tired tonight too.

33:46 Adam Keep as much praise as you like. We'll still see the same fat kid with the pimples in the mirror when we get home today.

33:53 Caller Well, I love you both.

33:54 Drew Let's bring you both here.

33:56 Adam I had to nap here.

33:58 Caller I had two questions actually. One was, why don't you guys, and I'm not getting mad or anything like that, but why don't you guys have a woman on here? Because I know you guys used to have that Ricky... What is his name?

34:11 Adam Rackman?

34:12 Caller Yeah, Ricky Rackman. Was he an asshole?

34:14 Adam No.

34:15 Caller He sounded like he was an asshole. He never let Adam talk. I remember that. I remember listening to it and he always cut you off and I got so pissed.

34:23 Adam He did not have the give and take part of the improv down like a lot of folks do.

34:27 Caller He wasn't that talented.

34:29 Adam Although when I told my grandmother one day, I told you this Drew is a good story. I said to my grandmother, Yeah, this was during the early days of LoveLine. She said, how's it going? I said, that's alright. But you know, working with Ricky, sometimes I get started on something he doesn't let me finish. Sometimes I come up with an idea and he cuts me off. I think he talks a little too much.

34:50 Caller I'm right he did. I mean, I really...

34:52 Drew Wait a minute, wait a minute. Now you're cutting him off.

34:53 Adam Now you're talking too much. And she said, I bet he says the same thing about you. I said, Grandma, you think when Ricky talks to his grandma, she defends me? Or do you think she decides up with Ricky?

35:12 Drew Thank you. Thank you, Grandma.

35:14 Caller Am I not going to cut in anymore?

35:15 Adam All right, Mike, now it's all right. You can jump in.

35:16 Drew Actually, we have a woman on the TV show, as you know.

35:19 Caller Yeah.

35:19 Drew And she'll be joining me on Monday night here when Adam is doing a Letterman, about a week, right?

35:23 Adam That's right.

35:24 Drew So it'll just be Diane and I in here.

35:27 Adam Drew is the feminine voice on this show. I hope you know that, Mike. He knows more about the vagina than any kind of collagen. He knows more about the vagina than Brenda Vacarro.

35:39 Caller Okay.

35:41 Adam Like the Brenda Vacarro reference for the 16-year-old from Grenoble Park.

35:44 Drew She was one of the gynecologists for this area.

35:46 Caller Well, yeah, so that was kind of an idea that I had because, you know, I figured like sometimes I only would call in, although you guys are doing extremely good.

35:54 Adam Listen, Mike, I thought we were gods.

35:55 Caller You are gods.

35:56 Adam Are you saying we need a third person on the show?

35:58 Caller We need a goddess.

35:59 Adam Okay, listen to me, Mike. I barely have enough time to include you callers into my diatribes every night. You understand? A third voice? That'd be too much. I'd have to get Drew out of here. All right. All right, that's enough out of you. All right. What?

36:12 Caller I have a second question. My second question was about liposuction. That's probably totally up to the subject of the other topic. What about it? I, and I know this is kind of weird coming from a 16-year-old, but when I turn 18, I do plan to actually get liposuction. And I was wondering what the risk were, because I don't want to get like any facial things. I just want to get liposuction on the stomach.

36:34 Drew All right, well, in that area is usually where it's done. It's very safe. It's very, it's rather perfected now, but it is in operation.

36:40 Caller Yeah.

36:41 Drew Often requires anesthesia and the risks of that. Often.

36:45 Adam You always have to have it for that, don't you?

36:47 Drew I think there's some they can do local. I don't know.

36:49 Adam Really?

36:49 Drew I don't know. But anyway, anesthesia, infection, bleeding, these are all potential complications. And I've seen some fat embolus syndrome from this, where fat breaks into the bloodstream and can cause, can lodge in the lung. In this one case, I also actually lodged in the brain.

37:04 Adam That's great.

37:04 Drew And that was early on in the liposuction history.

37:07 Adam That seems bad.

37:09 Drew But nowadays, the risks are very, very, very low.

37:12 Adam Hey Mike?

37:13 Drew Yeah.

37:14 Adam What do you weigh?

37:15 Caller I weigh 200. I mean, I'm not like obese-ly ugly fat or anything. It's just, as hard as I've tried on my stomach, it doesn't do it. I mean, I could do it for like 3,000 days and it wouldn't do anything. I mean...

37:27 Adam You just have that role.

37:29 Caller Yeah. And I want to get rid of it really bad. I mean, I'm obsessed. It goes to like a psychotic obsession.

37:34 Adam That'll get better with time.

37:35 Caller Okay.

37:35 Adam Well, by the time we're in the 50s, I'm sure it'll be gone.

37:38 Caller Okay.

37:39 Adam Hey, Mike?

37:40 Caller Yeah.

37:40 Adam Does your dad have a little spare tire around his gut there?

37:44 Caller Yeah.

37:45 Adam Yeah.

37:45 Caller Not like big or anything.

37:47 Adam Yeah.

37:47 Caller I think it's genetic.

37:48 Adam Oh, yeah.

37:49 Caller Yeah.

37:49 Adam It's all genetic.

37:50 Caller He's one of those big Mexicans, you know.

37:52 Adam Yeah. Everything's genetic. I don't want to make fun of him. I'll kick my ass. But it's all genetic. It is absolutely all genetic. Teeth.

38:01 Drew Genes.

38:01 Adam Genetic. Eye sight, hair.

38:04 Drew Cindy Crawford.

38:05 Adam Physique. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Not Cindy Crawford. That's all hard work. That's why she wrote a book. That way everyone could look like her. How come no one looks like her? How many copies of books she sells? Everyone still looks like crap. Please. It's ridiculous. It's criminal. I'll tell you, to me the snake oil salesmen of the 20th century are these models who write books.

38:34 Drew How come you didn't tell Tyra Banks that when she was sitting here?

38:38 Adam No, I probably said something, didn't I? You really tend to guess in one way or another.

38:43 Drew I'm sure you did, but now I'm not that clear.

38:44 Adam Tyra Banks, Cindy Crawford, they're all writing books on how to look like them. Ridiculous. Well, Tyra Banks' book had a bunch of pictures of her with no makeup and talked about a bunch of other things, not just getting in shape. There are a few other things. It seemed to be a little more well-rounded. I'm talking about the videos. You know, Cindy Crawford, she's on the beach, she's in a leotard, she's working out. Let me tell you how many calories are burnt to each one of those workout videos, Drew. How many of you work off Wacken Off? That's it. That's exactly how many calories are burnt off. However many calories the average guy burns Jacken Off, that is how many calories you burn watching a Cindy Crawford video. No more, no less. And let me tell you how much weight you lose when you're watching a Cindy Crawford video. How much does the average seaman charge? What is it, 10 cc's? A couple ounces, ounce or two, ounce and a half? Yeah, that's how much you lose. Then when you take your underpants off, I think you lose another 6-7 ounces. Actually, by the time you mop your forehead with your underpants, absorb some of that sweat that you've worked up, and then work in the VCR, turn around and pause, and then slow motion, I think you've probably burnt like 75, 80 calories. With the most. Yeah, but that's it, please. We're calculus. We're gonna look like Cindy Crawford. Listen, you're cut how you're cut. That's it. Let's put it this way. Drew, look at you, look at me, look at Sherry, look at Ann, look at Mike. I hope that was for you, Mike. The point is, is we're all the way we are. We're all being the way we've been. This is about it. We all talk about dieting, we all work out a little bit, we all do a little this, we do a little that, we don't let ourselves go too far in any one direction. But Drew, you look the same as you did when I met you three years ago, and I'm guessing it was three years before that, you looked about the same too. I look like I look like, and everyone else looks like what they look like. In Cindy Crawford's video, don't make a goddamn bit of difference in that. All right? You're wrong. Everyone learn to love yourself, or if you can't do that, at least learn to love me.

41:04 Loveline, be right back in a minute.

41:30 Adam Relax there, Drew. Drew's house hunting, he's disgusted.

41:34 Drew I am disgusted. I am really disgusted. Now we're getting kind of frantic because our kids are getting big. I mean, they're good sized kids and they're wild now. Seven-year-olds. They're wild. No, I didn't realize seven-year-olds get kind of-

41:46 Adam Did they join a motorcycle gang?

41:47 Drew No, it's interesting. I was watching my kids around first graders and thinking, whoa, whoa, I'm kind of scared for my kids, the kindergartners, because the first graders were so physical and so wild. Well, it's starting to happen to our kids now that they've approached seven. And they're big and we live in a manger.

42:05 Adam Yeah. Here's Drew and my beef, really, overall.

42:09 Drew With what?

42:10 Adam Just with life. They're people that are far less funny and far less talented than we are. We do like local news. We'll get paid ten times as much as we do. We got a national TV show and a national radio show and the guys that just do local LA morning shows here that make three or four times as much as we do. Don't we hate that, Drew? We've got to do something to rectify that.

42:32 Drew I mean, it's getting, it's pouring into my personal life now.

42:36 Adam It really disgusts me. Like, I'm going to go do Letterman on Monday. Mark and Brian, Kevin and Beam. Well, maybe not Kevin and Beam. They work for K-Rock. Rick Dees, all these guys. They all make twice as much as I do. Oh, hold on. Let me, three times, three times as much as I do. That ain't right, is it? Is that right? We've got to do something.

43:01 Drew We're nighttime.

43:02 Adam Oh, I guess that's right. Sean.

43:05 Caller Yeah?

43:05 Adam But you people are listening or listening, aren't you?

43:08 Caller Of course.

43:08 Drew But it's different. It's nighttime.

43:09 Adam That's my point.

43:10 Drew You need to stand at them nighttime.

43:11 Adam Shush up. Sean.

43:12 Caller I'm your god.

43:13 Adam There you go.

43:14 Caller Dr. Drew, you make me want to be a doctor.

43:16 Adam Wow. Well, at least see one.

43:19 Caller Well, no. I've been working real hard in science class, so I can be like Drew.

43:23 Adam Good for you.

43:23 Caller I know that kills you, Adam. Sorry.

43:25 Adam Way to get on the weed, that's all going to end.

43:27 Caller No, no weed, man.

43:28 Drew Sean. What's up?

43:29 Caller Anyway, I'm calling because my girlfriend is kind of mad at me because a friend of mine, a buddy of mine who I play football with, was kind of, had a thing for her, but now I didn't tell her about it and she found out and she's mad as hell on me.

43:44 Drew Why would you tell her?

43:45 Caller Why did I tell her? It's your girlfriend?

43:49 Drew Why is she mad at you?

43:50 Caller I don't know, well, like my friend was really good friends with her and I guess she had feelings for her or something.

43:56 Drew But it's your girlfriend.

43:57 Caller Yeah, I know, but that's just it. I don't understand why she's mad at me. It's really pissing me off.

44:01 Adam Jesus, I would be mildly insulted by that.

44:05 Caller I am kind of mildly insulted, Adam.

44:06 Adam Yeah. What's your girlfriend's name?

44:09 Caller Alex.

44:10 Adam Alex?

44:10 Caller Yeah.

44:11 Adam I mean, she's either really good looking or really ugly.

44:14 Caller No, she's really good looking.

44:15 Adam Okay.

44:16 Caller Because she's listening.

44:17 Adam I really dodged the bullet there. Oh, is she listening?

44:19 Caller Yeah.

44:20 Adam Good. Here's what we need to do then, Sean. We need to speak to Alex and straighten this whole matter.

44:24 Drew That's the only way we're going to figure this out, Sean.

44:26 Adam Listen.

44:27 Caller I knew you guys were going to want to talk to her.

44:29 Adam I'm a god. And Drew over here is a mentor.

44:32 Caller You're not the god. You are the god.

44:34 Adam I mean the god. Sorry. And between, oh wait a minute. The god does not apologize to a subject. Would that be a sub, would you be a subject?

44:43 Caller I don't know.

44:44 Adam Or would you just be, you'd be my flock, I think. I can do that.

44:49 Caller I'm going to be the house doctor in Booneville.

44:51 Adam We are going to call your girlfriend.

44:53 Caller Well, it's kind of late here.

44:55 Adam I understand, but she's listening, right?

44:57 Caller She'll be listening when we get the recorded thing in Annapolis.

45:00 Adam Oh, I see. Oh, yeah.

45:02 Caller It's like 2 o'clock here.

45:03 Adam Your folks may answer. I don't want to go through that again.

45:07 Caller I'd kind of get in trouble.

45:09 Adam So your girlfriend is pissed at you for not telling her that another guy liked her? Is that where we're at?

45:15 Caller A friend of her had feelings for me.

45:18 Drew Here's a couple things. One is it's unrealistic of her to expect that you would report something like that, whoever the guy is. I understand that she would need that information. It would feel sort of funny to her that she was engaged in a friendship where one guy's expectation was different than what hers is. She needs to get used to that because oftentimes in friendships with guys, that kind of thing happens. And even though she can't hold you accountable for this, is what I'm saying. It's not your responsibility to report this kind of thing to her. It's understandable you'd be bothered by it. She needs to manage her own feelings and her own friendships and clarify what her relationship with you is.

45:55 Adam Okay. We're going to take a quick break here and then we're going to come back with the new and improved LoveLine. Oh yes. It's going to be hell of a lot better than it ever was. And I haven't really worked out the details on it yet, but I can tell you it's going to be hell of a lot better, right Drew? Of course.

46:13 Drew Okay.

46:14 Adam After this.

46:15 Drew I feel so liquidy.

46:17 Caller Really?

46:18 You're listening to LoveLine with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. LoveLine will be right back.

46:38 Adam You can get a haircut, Mike.

46:40 Caller They look good.

46:43 Adam They look shorter, it just looks nicer. Maybe just had a weave or something.

46:48 Drew Maybe just combed it.

46:52 Adam Combs are very expensive, Drew. Hey, it's the LoveLine. We're going to take ourselves a little 10 second, top of the hour station identification, and we'll be back with more of the new and what, Drew?

47:04 Drew Improved.

47:05 Adam LoveLine.

47:09 This is LoveLine on Radio Station. At the AKUPD Tempe Phoenix.

47:24 Adam It is LoveLine. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Welcome to The New and Improved LoveLine. You know what's part of the itinerary, itinerary on The New and Improved LoveLine?

47:38 Drew Schedule, just stay with that word.

47:39 Adam Schedule on The New Porky Pig, trying to say, itinerary, itinerary, schedule for The New and Improved LoveLine?

47:46 Yeah.

47:48 Adam I'm gonna...

47:49 Drew Light farts?

47:50 Adam I may light a fart?

47:51 Drew What a new and improved idea.

47:53 Adam I think I'm gonna talk about masturbation on occasion.

47:56 Drew Oh, how pressing the envelope, Adam.

47:59 Adam We may gamble on a call or two.

48:01 Drew Gambling, what do you mean?

48:01 Adam I may chastise you.

48:03 Drew What? Mm-hmm.

48:05 Adam It's all part of the new regimen.

48:07 Drew You're so nice and gracious.

48:08 Adam Well, it's all part of the new love line now.

48:10 You are my teacher.

48:12 Adam Drew, seriously, when I was lighting the farts last night with cake.

48:15 Drew Seriously.

48:16 Adam How spectacular was that?

48:17 Drew They were spectacular. And seriously, John was traumatized. He was really bummed out.

48:24 Adam John from Cake was a little perturbed about the whole thing, I gotta tell ya. He was a little... I mean, Mike, what are you gonna say?

48:33 Caller He just kept staring back into this room instead of looking at you. And he was kinda looking at his girlfriend.

48:38 Adam You know, but it...

48:39 Drew Like, help me.

48:40 Adam At the last second, his left eye wandered toward my anus.

48:44 Caller Well, the thing I noticed is, as soon as the lights would go off, all of us would stand on our chairs to see the flames.

48:49 Adam Yeah. It's like a concert. It really was. Mike had the lighter up over his head. It was great. I think... I think John from Cake was looking at his girlfriend and looking disgusted because she was disgusted by it. And she was in the other studio. Here's the deal.

49:06 Caller She thought it was hilarious, actually. She did? Yeah, she thought it was pretty funny.

49:09 Adam Well, maybe he was overcompensating on her behalf. Sometimes it's important to guys, and I'm guessing it was a new relationship. Because you know when you get a little pee-whipped, it's important that you act upset when you think it's time to act upset and disgusted when it's time to act disgusted. And I think he figured she was disgusted, so he should act disgusted.

49:34 Drew His deal was, though, that the callers weren't being attended to the way he thought they should. See, he thought it took a little attention.

49:40 Adam GIO When do we ever do that? And John's a little bit of an artiste, too. Flames are flying out of one's ass. It's not art. I thought John came and did the TV show today. I showed him a tape of the monkeys farting.

49:54 Drew I fell on my face laughing again.

49:56 Adam And I'll tell you, we fell in love all over again. But I'll tell you, there was some really great stuff coming out of my ass last night. I mean, it was spectacular. It started off a little bit weak.

50:07 Drew Oh, yeah, disappointing.

50:08 Adam But by the end of the evening, clouds. Like when you take a bag and you fill it with some natural gas and then you let it go up into the air and then light it on fire. It was actually detached from my rectum.

50:22 Drew Right.

50:23 Caller You know the dirt flame logs that actually have different colors in them? That's what I saw last night.

50:27 Adam Really?

50:28 Caller There were multiple colors going on.

50:29 Drew Mushroom clouds.

50:30 Adam That was nice, wasn't it?

50:31 Caller Especially the one that sort of followed the trail up.

50:34 Adam You know, it was funny. I was telling Drew about this this afternoon. It didn't have a lot to do with the fart, but it's still timing wise had to do with the fart. It was still pretty funny. I was still pretty gassy on the ride home last night. I got home and I went down to my basement. Usually, my schedule is I come home from LoveLine, I get home about 12.30, and I go down to my basement. I turn on my little portable TV set, and I fiddle around with my little model airplanes, work on them a little bit. I went down there, and I was at my little work bench, and I was messing around with one of these, some gadget or something, and I had, my basement has this tile floor, that real hard tile, not ceramic tile, but like that hard plastic tile like they had at schools. And I have this bench, well, not a bench, it's a bar stool, it's got wheels on it, and it's real slick, and you blow on it, and it'll roll across the room. And it was sitting about where my ass was gonna be, and I let a huge fart go while I was standing at the work desk. And then I sort of brushed the thing and went to sit down, and it was gone when I went to sit down, and I was holding like the wing to the airplane, and I went flying across the room, and the wing of the plane went flying in the air, and the stool rolled back and hit a metal folding chair, which fell down, and then a leaf from the inside of my dining room table, which I was storing down there, came falling down on top of me, and it really had nothing to do with the fart, but the timing was there, and I was lying on my basement floor underneath the leaf of my dining room table, and it was just, I looked around, you know you gotta look around and make sure no one saw you, even if you're in your basement at two in the morning, and you live alone, I decided to give a quick look, make sure everything was cool, so I could get up like Fonzie. I think I pulled something, Drew, I really do. Amber.

52:27 Guest Yeah, hi.

52:28 Adam You're 16.

52:29 Guest Yeah. Um, Tuesday night, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend, and I kind of have, I don't know, this weird feeling that I'm going to get pregnant or something, but...

52:41 Drew Get the morning after pill immediately.

52:43 Guest Okay.

52:44 Drew You have 72 hours to get that thing.

52:46 Guest Okay.

52:47 Drew You will get pregnant if that was an unprotected encounter.

52:50 Guest Yeah, but someone told me that...

52:52 Drew Uh-huh.

52:53 Adam Anyway.

52:54 Drew Yeah.

52:54 Guest Okay. Someone told me that if my boyfriend does drugs, that he would be sterile.

52:58 Adam Oh, that's different! Wait a minute! Drew, did you hear that? Boyfriend does drugs.

53:05 Drew I can't muster a fantasy answer.

53:06 Adam Don't you feel like an idiot for jumping in prematurely, you didn't hear her out? Amber...

53:11 Drew If there were conditions to the potential of getting pregnant, don't you think I would have given those conditions?

53:17 Adam Listen...

53:17 Drew And said if he doesn't smoke pot, if he doesn't have leukemia, I mean, look, an otherwise healthy male who's not on chemotherapy is going to get you pregnant.

53:25 Adam Listen, your boyfriend wouldn't be here if that were true. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

53:31 Drew Yeah, I got you.

53:31 Adam Amber, don't be stupid.

53:34 Drew Get the morning after pill, immediately. Go to an all-night pharmacy.

53:38 Adam I know what you mean, all right, okay. Hey, Amber, what's wrong with you? What'd your parents do to you?

53:46 Guest Nothing.

53:47 Adam Well, stop screwing around then.

53:48 Guest Okay.

53:49 Adam I'm not going to take care of this kid, do you hear me? You're going to be such a world to hurt if you get pregnant. It's going to ruin your life.

53:56 Guest Okay, I have one more question. How long afterwards do I have, like how long does it take for me to get a pregnancy test to find out if I am?

54:05 Drew What difference does it make because you're going to take the morning after pill, you're going to prevent that pregnancy.

54:09 Caller Okay.

54:10 Drew Right?

54:10 Adam She ain't doing that.

54:11 Drew Isn't that what you're going to do, Amber?

54:12 Adam Amber, what's up with you? You need a kid?

54:15 Guest No.

54:16 Adam You need the attention? What do you need?

54:18 Guest I don't know.

54:19 Adam Well, are you depressed?

54:21 Guest My counselor thinks I am, but I don't know.

54:25 Drew At 16 is no time to bring a child into the world, especially if you have your own issues.

54:29 Guest Yeah.

54:29 Drew If you're a child, if you need care yourself, you're in no position to dedicate your life.

54:34 Adam You ain't going to make it better this way. Don't be selfish. Go get that morning after pill. Drew, where is she?

54:41 Drew You barely have enough time.

54:42 Adam Where does she get the family planning number?

54:48 Drew The National Planned Parenthood Number, which would be 1-800-2.

54:53 Adam Hold on. Would you shut up and let her get a pencil, please? Amber?

54:58 Guest Yeah.

54:59 Adam Do you have something to write with?

55:01 Guest Yeah. Hold on. I'll get something.

55:02 Adam All right. Oh, what the hell is going on with this country? Amber doesn't seem... Listen, Drew. You better... Listen. I better clue you in. Why? Amber is nowhere near getting this morning after Pell Demaro. What are we going to do? How can we make her get it? You got to drill it in or just a little bit more.

55:26 Drew Well, let's keep drilling. This is important. You got to make this so available. We got to make this more available. It has to be.

55:35 Adam Well yeah, but what about all the dangers?

55:38 Drew Right.

55:39 Adam What about all the pussy politicians that are too chicken-ass to talk about it?

55:44 It's pathetic.

55:45 Adam How come they won't talk about this? What are they talking about?

55:48 Drew I swear, Adam, I swear I'm taking a stand on this one. I'm going to find a way to get this thing distributed.

55:52 Adam You know, I was thinking about the other day when I was driving, listening to another radio show on racial inequality, and, I don't know, Clinton up there, and he's got that goddamn Rosa Parks. He's parading up there. Listen, I'm telling you, when Rosa Parks kicks off, Clinton's just going to put a stick up her ass, dip her in formaldehyde, and just carry her around. I don't know what the hell they're going to do with that Rosa Parks. Listen, Rosa Parks is fine. She got pissed off one day. She didn't sit in the back of the bus. That's about it. Let's not go nuts with her. But the point is this. How much time do we talk about the whole racial issue? I was thinking to myself, every radio show, three-quarters of the TV show, Clinton's up there talking about equality, about how people are moving along whatever color you are, whatever race you are. There's a lot of discussion, tons of discussion. And I thought to myself, how big an issue is it really?

56:52 Drew An awful lot of people it is.

56:54 Adam It's a big issue to them, but how big an issue is it really? Do you know what I'm saying? Racism, touching everyone's life. I mean, how big, Drew, here's what I'm saying. Ten percent would be generous. It really would. And it's talked about 65 percent of the time. As a matter of fact, I'm convinced one of the reasons it's still around is just because it's yapped about non-stop. Why don't we shift from, let's give racism a break for just a second and move on to this morning after pill. Then maybe so many screwed up uneducated people wouldn't be born and we could do away with racism. Because after all, racism mainly is a product of just people being undereducated.

57:45 Drew Angry.

57:45 Adam And being angry. Having bad families.

57:48 Drew Yeah. That's right.

57:49 Adam So we do this. We get rid of that. All right. Let's shift it to that. Amber?

57:53 Drew Yeah. I'm giving you two numbers.

57:55 Caller Okay.

57:55 Drew 1-800-230-PLAN. You can hear her writing, see?

58:03 Caller Oh, really?

58:04 Drew And the other is a number that you can call to find out where to go to get the morning after pill. It's actually a number provided by the manufacturer of the Prevenz packet. It's 888-NOT-TOO-LATE. 6-6-8-2-5-2-8-3.

58:21 Caller All right?

58:22 Caller All right.

58:23 Adam Call to my morning, goofball.

58:24 Caller Okay.

58:25 Drew All right, Amber.

58:26 Caller Bye.

58:27 Adam My boyfriend smokes pot. She doesn't think she can get pregnant. Oh, boy.

58:32 Drew You have to stand by me on this one. I swear to God, I'm going to risk it all. Whatever I have to do to get that thing distributed more widely, I'm going to do it.

58:40 Adam Of course. And listen, I don't care. I mean, Drew and I are making a penny off of... Give that number out again.

58:47 Drew 1-888-688-25283. No, we have no...

58:52 Adam Whoever manufactures that...

58:54 Drew We don't even know.

58:54 Adam I don't care if you laugh your ass all the way to the bank. I'll give that number out.

58:58 Caller Yeah.

59:00 Adam It doesn't make a difference to me. You do something right, I'm behind you. Daniel.

59:05 Caller Yeah. Hey, what's going on?

59:07 Adam Hey, it's what it was.

59:08 Caller Oh, I've been waiting here.

59:10 Drew Oh? What's going on?

59:13 Caller Yeah, I was wondering, my girlfriend had a pretty horrible past. I mean, the cause you normally get her nothing compared to what her life's been. And I was wondering how feasible a chance is to live a normal life with someone who's gone through so much in their life.

59:29 Adam What's she gone through?

59:32 Caller Well, she had the sexual... She was nine years old at first. Who? I don't know, some boy when she was living somewhere else.

59:41 Drew Another nine-year-old or another teenager?

59:43 Caller Thirteen, I believe.

59:45 Drew To say it's nothing like what we hear about in the show is a little...

59:48 Caller Well, that's only the tip.

59:50 Drew What are the things that are nothing like what we hear about in the show? Because so far these are the routine problems for the show.

59:55 Adam Hey, Drew. Stop sassing off.

59:58 Caller It's like, you know, packaged on this, on top of that, on top of that. Like what?

1:00:02 Drew Go ahead.

1:00:03 Caller Okay, she, I guess she was diagnosed with ADHD or whatever, ADD or whatever, and her grandma, like, would just dump all this medicine into her just to calm her down so she wouldn't even have to mess with her.

1:00:18 Drew She having an addict parent?

1:00:19 Caller What's that?

1:00:20 Drew One of her parents is an addict?

1:00:22 Caller Well, she was taken away from her mom because her grandmother, like, I don't know, somehow, like, made everybody leave in their town that she was terrible and all this stuff. So she was taken away from her mom.

1:00:34 Drew I'm sure her grandmother just was delusional about those things.

1:00:37 Adam Yeah. Yeah. In the court, they take away kids from the mom all the time, usually based on some sort of hearsay from another family member.

1:00:46 Caller No, because, like, it's a rich mom.

1:00:47 Adam Found a beer can under her bed, stuff like that. Now, listen, her mom is a piece of work. Had to have been. No way she got rustled away from her mom without her mom being a complete piece of work.

1:00:59 Caller She grew up with that mom, you know, so obviously.

1:01:02 Caller That's right.

1:01:03 Adam Everybody screwed up in that family. No doubt about it.

1:01:06 Caller And then she finally moved over to where I'm at. When she was, like, 11, they finally got her back, like, court-wise and everything. They gained custody. And her stepfather, like, like, she, I...

1:01:21 Adam Stepfather? Yeah, married to momma?

1:01:24 Caller She used to, like, fondle her stepfather when she was that young.

1:01:28 Adam Yeah, so we got the picture.

1:01:29 Caller And then eventually made it into a sexual...

1:01:32 Adam I thought her mom was a great gal, though.

1:01:34 Caller Well, she didn't know about this.

1:01:35 Drew Ah, sure.

1:01:36 Adam She just married a guy...

1:01:37 Drew Who's prone to this...

1:01:38 Adam .who wanted to...

1:01:39 Caller When she did find out, you know, she asked him, you know, she confronted him.

1:01:43 Adam Yeah, but listen, listen, Daniel, understand, mama...

1:01:48 Caller I know she has her own problems.

1:01:50 Adam Oh, yeah. Mama married a guy who felt it was a good idea to feel up her daughter.

1:01:56 Drew Child.

1:01:57 Adam Her child. So, mama has got her own set of problems.

1:02:01 Drew All right, what's your question for us?

1:02:03 Caller Well, I was wondering if, you know...

1:02:05 Drew Could you live a normal life with something like that?

1:02:07 Caller Yeah, counseling.

1:02:08 Drew Not without a lot of treatment. And even with a lot of treatment, there will be a chaotic ride.

1:02:15 Caller She's 16 now.

1:02:17 Drew Oh, you're 21? You're 21, Daniel. You're part of the deal here.

1:02:20 Adam All right, Daniel.

1:02:21 Caller Yeah, I know. You know, I wouldn't even touch any, you know, I would never look at other high school girls or even try to go for high school girls, you know?

1:02:31 Drew Well, here you are.

1:02:32 Adam Danny, you're getting sucked into this, too, and you're playing... You know, when the history books are written, you're going to have a chapter in this wreckage.

1:02:44 Drew And it's not going to be the Salvation.

1:02:45 Adam It's not going to be a flattering chapter.

1:02:47 Drew No.

1:02:47 Adam No. It will be the deconstruction, not the reconstruction. So, Daniel, you're 21, buddy. She's in the 10th grade, maybe the 11th. 21 is... Too old. Three years out of high school. You know how much carpet I've cleaned by the age of 21? I was well into my construction career by that.

1:03:10 Drew Too old and she is precisely the kind of person that doesn't need somebody that's older.

1:03:17 Adam Be your friend. Nah, don't even be that. Daniel, don't... You're deluding yourself. Get out of this one. And by the way, she needs love, but she don't need humping. You're gonna have your hands full.

1:03:30 Drew For some reason, I was just flashing on a thing I did. Remember I did a pilot for a daytime talk show and we had a guest on it.

1:03:36 Adam Oh, that abortion.

1:03:37 Drew Wait a minute, this consumer activist guy, he said an interesting thing. He said, when you're getting involved with somebody and you really want to get some rapid insight into whether this person is really what they seem to be, A, look at their medicine cabinet, interesting.

1:03:50 Adam Oh, no, that's an old one.

1:03:52 Drew And B, check the courts.

1:03:54 Adam Check the courts.

1:03:55 Drew See if there's any record, do they have any record of...

1:03:58 Adam How do you check the courts?

1:03:58 Drew I don't know, I don't know how you do that. I don't know how you do that. But it's an interesting idea that people can hide all kinds of things, but there's certain little windows if you can glare in, at least you have sort of a baseline to work from.

1:04:11 Adam Yeah. Like you open the medicine cabinet, you see something like onion-flavored douche or something, you go the other way.

1:04:17 Drew No, you see like 14 different medications or kind of medications, are they brain pills or is it what? Are they in depressants? What's going on here?

1:04:25 Adam Right. And then you go to court.

1:04:27 Drew And it's been moved around six times, child custody cases.

1:04:32 Adam Yeah.

1:04:32 Drew Or maybe bankrupt. Who knows?

1:04:34 Adam I don't have to. I can thump people.

1:04:36 Drew I know you're brilliant. But besides that, for the rest of us.

1:04:39 Adam Oh, okay. Yeah, I know in the first 30 seconds where I want to talk to them again. Dan.

1:04:44 Caller Hey.

1:04:44 Adam You're 15.

1:04:45 Caller Yeah.

1:04:46 Adam Unfortunately, the answer is usually no.

1:04:47 Drew Do you want to talk to Dan?

1:04:49 Adam They don't want to talk to me either. No, I don't really. Dan?

1:04:53 Caller Yeah.

1:04:53 Adam What's going on?

1:04:54 Caller Hey, first of all, I'd like to say, I know you guys have probably heard it a million times, but you guys are awesome.

1:05:00 Adam Thanks.

1:05:00 Caller And Adam, you are the king of analogies.

1:05:04 Drew The king, God, and all these supreme beings.

1:05:07 Adam I got to tell you, we go six months, no one says anything except for I'm in A-hole. And then one night, I'm king for a day. Then I go back to A-hole status for the next six months. But listen, I'm going to enjoy it while I can, Dan, so thank you.

1:05:22 Caller Yeah. Well, anyways, my stepdad, he's physically abusive to me. And my mom has multiple sclerosis. My mom and my dad are divorced. They got divorced when I was about five. And my dad lives in another state.

1:05:40 Drew And your stepdad is still with you?

1:05:44 Caller Yeah.

1:05:45 Drew And he's the abusive one? Yeah.

1:05:47 Caller All right.

1:05:47 Drew What's the question?

1:05:48 Caller Well, I have kind of two questions about it. My dad, he doesn't know that my stepdad is abusive.

1:05:56 Adam Your stepdad is married to your mom who has MS?

1:05:59 Drew Yeah. Why don't you tell your dad?

1:06:02 Caller Why don't I? I don't know.

1:06:05 Adam Is he being physically abusive to you? I mean, is he swatting you around?

1:06:09 Caller Well, he hits me.

1:06:11 Drew Tell your dad.

1:06:12 Adam Tell your dad.

1:06:12 Caller My stepdad.

1:06:13 Drew Yeah, but tell your dad.

1:06:14 Adam Yeah, I know that. But tell your dad.

1:06:17 Drew Why not?

1:06:18 Caller Because, Ben, the thing is, my mom, if my stepdad has to leave her for whatever reason, then she's screwed because she can't work because of her MS Yeah, but this doesn't mean your stepdad is going to leave.

1:06:35 Drew It means your dad is going to step up and help you out.

1:06:38 Caller But I know that he would call, like, the police or chopper.

1:06:42 Adam Oh, is that me? I think I kicked the phone. Yeah, well, wait a minute. Your dad, this is a dad that originally married mom.

1:06:51 Drew Yeah.

1:06:51 Adam We worry about him a little bit.

1:06:54 Drew You know what I mean? He knows what mom's all about. He left.

1:06:57 Adam Could be he's abusive too when mom dumped him.

1:07:00 Caller Well, who dumped who?

1:07:03 Caller He dumped her because of him.

1:07:04 Adam Okay. Well, then tell him.

1:07:06 Caller Really?

1:07:07 Adam Of course. Please. Listen, if I found out that some other guy was beating my son around, when I should be beating him and I'm gonna be the only one beating my son, that's my policy.

1:07:19 Drew I understand that.

1:07:20 Adam That ass is my property. I do with it when I want. Only my hand and bell are gonna touch that cheek. Right, Drew? I would be incensed. I would be outraged. And I would do something about this.

1:07:32 Drew Yes, of course.

1:07:33 Adam And hire someone to kick his ass.

1:07:35 Drew Or you, well, you'd confront the guy.

1:07:37 Adam And hop in mom's wheelchair, run over his big toe.

1:07:39 Drew And your dad's a smart guy. He understands that your mom is dependent on your stepdad.

1:07:44 Adam Right.

1:07:44 Drew He's just going to, you know, I hope he won't disrupt the entire system. But we'll put the stepdad on alert that he's being watched and there will be consequences if he does this anymore.

1:07:55 Adam But I got to tell you the temerity, the audacity of somebody, you know, being able to beat around other than their own. I mean, even their own is out of line. But that I almost, you know, all right, it's a cultural thing maybe, who knows. Point is, is getting married to someone, coming into the family, hi, how you doing? Ah, this is your stepdad, hey, you're temer, you're nice. And then beating him up, it seems so out of line.

1:08:30 Caller It's so bizarre.

1:08:31 Drew It's such a weird boundary to ignore. It's such a wimpy, pathetic thing to do.

1:08:39 Adam It is, it is, I mean, it really is pathetic. And it is almost effeminate in a way. And here's what I mean. I mean, we never really look at violence. We look at violence as a very male, very aggressive, very macho thing. But beating up on a kid, especially someone else's kid, it's cowardly.

1:09:06 Drew Cowardly, pathetic.

1:09:07 Adam It is like it's yellow. Yeah. And it is... I'm trying to look for something even lower than than yellow, empathetic, and cowardly, but it's all... it's pussy.

1:09:19 Drew Really bad.

1:09:20 Adam It's just chicken ass.

1:09:21 Drew Chicken ass, yeah.

1:09:22 Adam And you guys that are engaging in this really need to take a look in the mirror. And when this then becomes a female, when you're beating on your stepdaughter...

1:09:35 Drew 11 year old.

1:09:36 Adam That is just... to me, I just like to step on you and squash you like an ant. I really would. I just find that it's reprehensible. And it's just... where do you get the way most for that? I couldn't do that. I mean, if I married someone and they had a kid or two, I couldn't go whack that kid around. I'd feel like they were going to tell their mom and their mom was going to come upside my hand with a rolling pin.

1:10:01 Drew Oh, you pussy.

1:10:06 Adam God, what the hell is wrong with people?

1:10:09 Caller There we go.

1:10:11 Adam We're going to take a little break. Who are we going to talk to? When we come back, we're going to talk to Marissa. 19. Parents found out about her depot shots. Depo Pervara, Drew?

1:10:24 Drew Yep.

1:10:25 Adam They've threatened to cut her off. I don't know what they're cutting her off of. But we'll find out what they threaten after this.

1:10:40 Loveline, I'll be right back.

1:10:57 Hi, this is Gary Busey, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:11:03 Adam Yes, he is. Gary Busey. I'll get him on again.

1:11:09 Caller He's...

1:11:12 Adam You know, let me tell you something. Some people are much different than what they appear to be and what they seem like, but when you hang out with Gary Busey, it's like hanging out with two Gary Buseys. He is more. There's more Gary Busey in real life. It's like he took his 20, put him in a Cuisinart, and then drank him. He must crap Gary Busey when he craps. Gary Busey is Gary Busey. It's Gary Busey.

1:11:41 Drew Some people are like themselves playing themselves. Gary Busey is Gary Busey.

1:11:46 Adam Yeah, but when Gary Busey does a film role, he has to tone down the Gary Busey. And he's one of those guys, I think either decides he loves you or he's going to kill you. He decided he loved me. I don't know why, but we did some House of Blues thing. I don't know whatever happened to that pilot we did. Remember that? Blues traveler Gary Busey and some other people. It was really cool. I don't know. You know, most things I do, I think, suck. This was good. I don't know what happened to this thing. Anyway, nice guy, intense, nice guy. Interesting guy. Marissa.

1:12:23 Caller Yes.

1:12:24 Adam All right. So, yeah, you had the depot shot.

1:12:27 Caller Yes. And my parents were incorrectly billed. The insurance company.

1:12:32 Drew Oh, boy.

1:12:33 Adam That's moded. We like to say moded.

1:12:38 Caller So, they've been looking into it. And what they know so far is that they've had a shot of depo, what is that?

1:12:45 Adam Depo-Provera?

1:12:46 Caller Yeah. But my mom doesn't know what it is. So, I told her that I was getting it because I was having abdominal cramps and she had endometriosis. So, she's probably buying this.

1:12:57 Caller That's good.

1:12:58 Caller That's good. And they gave it to me to subdue my menstrual.

1:13:03 Drew It's actually none of her business, Marissa. I'm sorry to say.

1:13:06 Caller I know.

1:13:06 Adam Yeah, but, yeah, I know.

1:13:07 Caller But that's what I'm worried about as well. Why is it, what can I do about the insurance company billing them for that?

1:13:14 Drew Nothing really, but you can make sure that the doctor's office is notified. You don't want your records released to anyone.

1:13:19 Caller Yeah.

1:13:19 Adam But what about the billing? I mean, how does that work?

1:13:22 Caller My insurance should have covered it, or their insurance should have covered it.

1:13:27 Adam Uh-huh. I guess you're living at home.

1:13:30 Caller No, I'm not.

1:13:31 Adam You're not?

1:13:32 Caller Nope.

1:13:33 Drew But she's under their insurance plan.

1:13:35 Caller Yeah, I'm a student, so.

1:13:36 Adam You're a student?

1:13:38 Caller And so I'm covered till I'm 24.

1:13:39 Adam You got a steady boyfriend?

1:13:41 Caller Yes, I do.

1:13:42 Adam And do they like him?

1:13:44 Caller Yep, they do.

1:13:45 Adam Do they know that he's carnage? Did they like him? He's doing to you?

1:13:50 Caller No.

1:13:50 Adam No, they don't know? You think he's a good boy? No. What, are parents nuts? You know what I mean?

1:13:56 Caller Yeah.

1:13:57 Adam You're 19, you're living out of the house, you got some, dating some guy who's 21, he's got a tattoo on him. He's walking around with a brow piercing. You don't think he's nailing the hell out of your daughter as soon as they get home?

1:14:12 Drew Thank you, sweet spirit. What does your boyfriend look like?

1:14:14 Caller He's Sri Lankan, actually.

1:14:17 Adam Oh, same thing.

1:14:18 Caller He looks Indian.

1:14:19 Drew No piercing?

1:14:20 Adam Nope.

1:14:21 Caller He's very clean-cut, very good-looking boy.

1:14:24 Adam Really?

1:14:25 Caller Yep.

1:14:27 Adam But he's horny, right?

1:14:28 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:14:29 Adam Yeah. What's your nationality?

1:14:32 Caller I'm a bunch of things. I'm African-American, Italian, and possibly Native American, a bunch of others, Caucasian-ish things.

1:14:43 Adam You know, if you're all black, I think you're African-American as long as you're living in the United States. But if you're part, I don't think you're part African-American. I just think you're part African, like you're part Italian, part Irish, and part whatever. Because you're not part Italian-American, you're just part Italian. The American part, you don't really need.

1:15:07 Caller I just consider myself 100 percent American.

1:15:10 Adam That's good. I kind of wish more people would do that. Yeah. I don't like it when everything gets broken off all the time. Can we all just be Americans? Just whatever color you are, wherever you're from, once you're living here. Sort of like this. You know, let's say Mark McGuire, he used to play for the A's for many years. Played for the Oakland A's. But then he went to St. Louis. Doesn't consider himself athletic. He doesn't consider himself part A's. He's now, you know why?

1:15:47 Drew Playing for a different team.

1:15:49 Adam He lives in St. Louis. He wears the Cardinals uniform. And he's on the team. And therefore, he is what, Drew? He's not part, he doesn't have some sort of heritage. You have to get out the old green and gold of Oakland every once in a while and explain to everybody how that's really where his roots are. Does he have to do that?

1:16:10 Drew Or the handlebar mustache?

1:16:11 Adam Right. Just listen, everybody. You live in the United States, you're an American. You don't like it? Go back to wherever you came from. But stop with all the titles. It drives me insane. Whatever you are, stop it. I'm not discriminating. Whatever your title is, knock it off. You're American. And if you love wherever you came from so much, go back and enjoy. Enjoy everybody. Have a nice burning tire around you. Have a nice oppressive regime shooting at you. Enjoy. See if you can find yourself a nice orange wherever you're from for a nickel. Enjoy. Okay? Have some nice crap floating down the street. Enjoy.

1:16:51 Drew Marissa, what other question did you have for us? Anything?

1:16:54 Caller I was wondering if my excuse that I told him was viable.

1:16:56 Drew Yeah? Well, no. You wouldn't use a deprava- I mean, very unlikely for endometriosis. But I mean, she'll buy it. She'll buy it. Just tell them to- that you had pelvic pain and that you went to the gynecologist. They gave you that. I mean, it's none of their business. You have a right to confidential health care, and that's the way it is. The insurance alerted them to what medication you got. I'm sorry, but you have a right to confidential care. This is one of the problems, by the way, with the whole- the way the insurance companies run things. They review your care. Whether you like it or not, they're going to get in there, look at what happened.

1:17:31 Adam Yeah.

1:17:31 Drew And so, what, you know, how confidential is that material and who sees it and it's an issue.

1:17:37 Adam Just come clean with your parents. You're 19, you're living away from home, you're getting laid. That's all.

1:17:42 Drew I really love that.

1:17:43 Adam Just tell them it's fast. You can barely feel it. That's a good argument. Are you having sexual relations with your boyfriend? Yeah, but I can barely feel him. I think that would work. That's one good thing about my parents. They never ask a question. Nothing. I could have been but effing some guy in prison, they wouldn't care. I could have done whatever I wanted. I'm telling you that I could have brought home a 700 pound full Cherokee American Indian and said, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Chief Felchers on head. And they would have went, nice to meet you, Chief. Do we call you Chief or do we call you Felchers or what do we call you? Well, whatever it is, sit down and enjoy some nice, some bean curd. You and Adam are going to get married? Does he nail you in the ass so much or do you get on him?

1:18:50 Drew Uh-huh.

1:18:51 Adam That's great. Want to come over to dinner next week?

1:18:53 Drew What are the origins of this? It's a strange name.

1:19:00 Caller What are the origins of that?

1:19:02 Adam No, they would not care. They would not make a difference. They would not say a thing. They would not. If I said to my parents, Listen, I'm going to marry Engineer Mike.

1:19:16 Drew But what happened to Chief Felchis on hit?

1:19:18 Adam We broke up. He was in the fire water. Too much. He wanted me to move into a steepie. I thought he was moving too fast. We broke up. I got tired of living off Pamikin and stream water. It was too tough. But I'm marrying Engineer Mike now. I swear to God, Mike, we should do it for a radio stunt. I will bring Engineer Mike back to my house. I will tell my mom that I'm done with chicks. I'm done with Lynette. I'm now marrying Engineer Mike. It's going to be easy this way. He does such a wonderful job on the show. I'm sure he could do a wonderful job on me.

1:19:56 Caller Does that mean I could take your ass for alimony afterwards?

1:19:58 Adam Palimony.

1:19:59 Caller All right.

1:20:00 Adam We're going to build a life together. And my mom would say...

1:20:03 Drew Take his ass. That's an interesting use of anatomic terms.

1:20:07 Adam We'll examine that later after 12 o'clock. My mom would say, Very nice to meet you, Mike. I wish you all the best.

1:20:15 Drew What's for dinner?

1:20:18 Adam Melissa.

1:20:20 Caller Yeah.

1:20:21 Adam You're 24. You sound like you're 14.

1:20:25 Drew What's going on?

1:20:27 Guest Yesterday, y'all had a call from another chick named Melissa. She was telling you about how she left an abusive relationship and how she didn't have care to take her children because they watched her get beat and Adam...

1:20:45 Drew She didn't have what?

1:20:46 Guest You guys had a call last night and she was in an abusive relationship and she left it at her job. And everything happened with her and she really didn't get help on... you know, she really didn't get help on information. Adam kind of yelled at her.

1:21:03 Drew That's right. Help me remember the call. I can't.

1:21:06 Adam No, yeah, you remember the call. Vaguely.

1:21:07 Drew She worked in a restaurant or something.

1:21:08 Adam She was twenty-one. She'd been with a guy for like five years. The guy was being physically abusive.

1:21:14 Drew She had two kids. It was in jail now for having abused her.

1:21:16 Adam It was in jail. That's right.

1:21:18 Guest Sometimes she said she worked at Walmart and all that.

1:21:19 Adam I think she wanted to get back with him.

1:21:22 Drew Yeah, she wanted to get back, and that's why we yelled at her.

1:21:24 Guest Well, yeah, I understand that. I mean, I have an aunt who was in an abusive relationship for fourteen years, and it, you know, sometimes the woman can't get out of it.

1:21:31 Drew No, no, no. They choose not to get out of it.

1:21:35 Guest Well, she had three kids, and she was dependent on stuff, and sometimes you can't go anywhere.

1:21:41 Drew But this one had gone as far as getting out, having the guy put in jail, and now is going to go back to him. Right? Isn't that a little bit silly?

1:21:51 Guest Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1:21:52 Drew Okay, so sometimes it's important to be very firm with people till they get the message before they do something so destructive to themselves and their children, harmful to all three of them.

1:22:03 Adam You have any kids?

1:22:05 Guest Yeah, I have two.

1:22:06 Adam Good.

1:22:06 Drew Okay. Where's your husband?

1:22:08 Guest He's in the military.

1:22:11 Adam Fine. Now listen to me. This chick we talked to last night had two sons.

1:22:16 Guest Yeah, one and three.

1:22:17 Adam Yeah. Well, see what kind of tune you'd be whistling when one of their sons stabs one of your kids when your kid's about 16. See how...

1:22:27 Guest Knowing my children, that wouldn't happen.

1:22:28 Adam Yeah.

1:22:29 Guest I'd be getting no crap beat out of them. Because my kids are dominating.

1:22:34 Adam Oh, no.

1:22:36 Guest They're powerful. They're not wimpy.

1:22:39 Adam Listen, how old are they, goofball?

1:22:41 Guest Two and four. I'm not a goofball.

1:22:42 Adam Melissa.

1:22:43 Guest I'm educated. Thank you.

1:22:44 Adam Two and four.

1:22:46 Caller Please.

1:22:47 Adam The hell do you know? Your kids are two and four.

1:22:50 Guest Right.

1:22:51 Adam Yeah, that's... Who's a real tyrant?

1:22:53 Guest Oh, yeah, but they're brilliant.

1:22:54 Drew Melissa, please.

1:22:55 Adam He's brilliant. Listen, everybody thinks their kids are brilliant.

1:22:59 Drew Come back to reality here with us.

1:23:00 Guest Do you have children, Adam?

1:23:02 Adam I have 14 kids. Okay? And every one of them could kick your kid's ass. I don't have 180 IQ.

1:23:10 Guest Well, my kids, yeah, my kids...

1:23:12 Adam Listen, I just hope they're girls. Are they girls?

1:23:15 Guest No, they're boys.

1:23:16 Caller No.

1:23:17 Adam Another reason. Now I gotta... Now I'm really gonna move to Canada.

1:23:21 Guest I have another question, though. I have a question.

1:23:23 Adam Here's the deal, goofball. I'm yelling at this girl because she's got a couple of boys, and I'm scared those boys are gonna be violent, just like their old dad. I want her to stop having some kids, so many kids. I want her to focus on her kids, and I want her to focus on not having any more kids and raising the one she has. I'm trying to snap her back into reality for a second.

1:23:43 Guest No, I understand that. Believe me, I know. I'm on the same boat as you, as people who have too many children, who don't take care of them.

1:23:49 Drew What was your other question?

1:23:51 Guest I believe in planning. Okay. I'm about ready to have my tubes tied. I'm only 24, but I have two children. Thank you. And I want to know how that affects me sexually.

1:24:01 Drew Not at all.

1:24:02 Guest Not at all?

1:24:02 Drew Not at all.

1:24:04 Guest And is it reversible? It shouldn't.

1:24:07 Drew If it's reversible, then it's not as likely to be effective. And there's different things they could probably make reversible.

1:24:13 Adam Let me do the talking. Yes, it's completely reversible. As a matter of fact, they don't even have to go in you to reverse it. They just take a sort of a strobe light, they put it in your belly button, and it's all back to normal. You understand? So go ahead and get the tubes tied, and you can switch them back anytime you like.

1:24:29 Guest Okay. See, at least I'm smart enough to know that I can handle the two I have. That's the main thing is that people don't understand that there is help out there to get that. I understand you guys are talking to her about the city and the welfare and all that. They can do that for them. People need more information. They don't give enough.

1:24:49 Drew About getting...

1:24:50 Guest Like you were talking about the day after pills. Nobody has enough information.

1:24:54 Drew I know.

1:24:55 Guest They don't give it to them. They give too many abortions to too many people, and they don't explain to them precautions.

1:25:01 Adam Libri? Yeah.

1:25:02 Guest You know, I'm a military wife, and we've been together nine years.

1:25:07 Drew Nine years?

1:25:08 Guest He's the only person I've ever been with.

1:25:09 Drew How old is he?

1:25:10 Guest He's 24.

1:25:12 Drew Okay.

1:25:12 Adam All right. You're all right, then. I still don't trust them. Listen. Good. God bless you. Get those tubes tied. And I don't know why people cannot do the simple math. I just... I don't understand it. I just can't understand it. Simple math, everybody. The drug addicts, personnel, all the scourges on society, all products, bad environments, broken homes. Can't you all do the math, please? Think about... do we really have to worry about Drew's kids? Do we? As a society? Oh, sure, they may be boring. But do we have to worry about them holding us up? Do we have to worry about them carjacking us? Do we have to worry about them being unemployed? Do we have to worry about them taxing the welfare system? Do we have to worry about them putting a bomb in the federal building? Do we have to worry about any of that? No. Of course not. It sounds ridiculous. Why? Because Drew has a wife. He loves her. At least he says he does. They're still together. The kids are going to go to college and they're going to provide. And that's it. Do the math. Now, do the opposite math. Drew breaks up. Kids don't go to college. Nobody likes anyone. Drew gets on the booze. Okay. Now one of the three kids gets thrown in jail. One of the three kids carjacks somebody. One of the three kids puts a knife in your kid. That's it. That's simple math, everybody. Now you tell me what we ought to do. You want to build more prisons, you idiots? You want to build more churches? You want to hire more cops? Or do you want to slow down the production just a little bit so we could get ahead, so we can catch up? I say we slow production down. Easy. That's it. I can't figure out why that is not at the top of every politician's agenda. It is so easy. I barely have a high school education I can figure this out. What's wrong with everybody? Stop having the kids. Do what Mike did. You get your tubes tied. We'll be back.

1:27:41 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on LoveLine in just a minute or two.

1:27:45 Caller And call 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:28:06 Caller Hi, this is Heidi Fleiss, and you're listening to LoveLine with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Two names that wish they could be found in the little black book.

1:28:16 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Where's that Heidi Fleiss? She's out, right?

1:28:22 Drew Oh, she's dying to get back here. Last time she was on the show, it cost her $350,000.

1:28:29 Adam It's kind of funny, isn't it? And it really just, it really just boils down and she got up that day, left the house, came back home a couple hours later and cost her $350,000. Oh baby. Almost cost me that much too. Thank God I apologize. Actually, engineer Mike apologized on my behalf. I really wish we had that tape, Mike. Is it around? It doesn't exist, does it? Oh boy. That is golden. Engineer Mike apologizing to the LAPD Vice Squad on my behalf. Well, actually, they wrote a little something. Anyway, one day we'll find that. I'll tell you, it's a good one. Jenny.

1:29:15 Guest Hi.

1:29:15 Adam You're 17.

1:29:16 Caller Yeah.

1:29:18 Guest I met this guy last Saturday and he's like the greatest guy I've ever met my entire life. We just are so compatible. But then I found out that his dad is my basketball coach from last year. And his dad made really inappropriate. Like, he just acted really inappropriately towards me last year.

1:29:38 Adam What'd he do?

1:29:40 Guest Um, well, after practice one day, like, I have this quad, like, muscle problem. He was rubbing out my quad, and he, like, kind of, his hand kind of went up.

1:29:50 Caller Oh, really?

1:29:52 Adam Drew could, would you even, in this day and age, you got some sixteen-year-old chick on the basketball team, she's got a hamstring problem. You gonna get a little Ben Gay and give her a quick rub down?

1:30:04 Drew You'd have to have two other females in the room.

1:30:06 Adam Yeah, an attorney, a doctor, an orthopedic surgeon, and a psychiatrist, all present, and they'd all have to sign things. I mean, that's a little...

1:30:17 Drew Yeah, inappropriate.

1:30:18 Adam A little inappropriate. Especially the part about the hand sliding up.

1:30:23 Caller Yeah.

1:30:23 Adam Yeah. And so what did you do?

1:30:26 Caller Well, I quit the team.

1:30:28 Adam That's a shame. You quit the team, but you didn't say anything.

1:30:30 Guest I didn't want to have to, like, deal with it.

1:30:32 Adam I understand that. I mean, I understand that feeling. I know we sit here all night, like, oh, you should have reported him. But I understand people's tendencies. It's sad.

1:30:42 Drew Maybe a popular coach.

1:30:44 Caller Yeah, he's, like, really revered.

1:30:45 Caller He's sort of, like, a god.

1:30:47 Adam And whether he's popular or not even, it's just feeling ashamed, feeling not when they get hassled.

1:30:55 Drew Maybe they misinterpreted something, and they start blaming yourself and questioning yourself. But now this is his son you're involved with.

1:31:00 Guest Yeah. And he's, like, the greatest guy. And the sad thing is he was, like, talking before I knew who his dad was. He was talking about how much he loved his dad.

1:31:09 Drew How about a weird, what a weird coincidence.

1:31:10 Caller How would that feel like?

1:31:12 Caller Oh, boy.

1:31:13 Adam This is real dilemma time. Let me say this, by the way. And I've said it many a time. And I'm sorry for the handful of guys who actually work with young people that aren't pedophiles. Very few of you are listening to the show tonight. I do not trust an adult male who wants to work with 15, 6 year old chicks. I just don't. I really don't. I don't trust an adult male who wants to hang around with 9 year old boys. I like the idea of a guy who maybe is in a mentor program. I like the idea of a guy who goes out and has a son who's on a softball team or soccer team who gets involved that way. But I don't like the idea of a guy who just comes in the side and wants to work with a bunch of young people sort of willy-nilly. I don't trust those guys. Women I trust. That's in them. That's healthy. Although a woman who coach a basketball team would be a lesbian, so it would be like a guy, I got to work this out mathematically, Drew. So Jenny, what the hell do you do?

1:32:14 Guest I quit calling back, but I really want to talk to him. I don't know what to do.

1:32:17 Drew You can't call him back?

1:32:19 Guest Well, because I don't want to talk to his dad.

1:32:21 Drew So you've only just begun with this guy?

1:32:23 Guest Yeah.

1:32:24 Drew Oh, Jenny, maybe it's time to not get going further. I hate to say it, but what an awful situation.

1:32:31 Adam And you know she's going to like him more and more the less she talks to him. You know what I mean?

1:32:36 Guest The worst thing is that I saw him around so much before and I just didn't know who he was.

1:32:40 Drew Here's the worst thing. We can't tell her, you know what, categorically his son is going to be screwed up, too.

1:32:46 Adam Oh, no.

1:32:47 Drew We can't say that.

1:32:47 Adam We don't know that at all.

1:32:48 Drew The son may be fine.

1:32:49 Adam The son may be a decent guy.

1:32:50 Drew But you're going to have to deal with that dad.

1:32:52 Adam But you're going to be dying to tell the son about dad the whole time.

1:32:55 Guest Yeah.

1:32:56 Adam That's going to drive you nuts.

1:32:58 Guest He'll probably hate me because...

1:33:00 Adam No.

1:33:01 Drew Yeah. He'll blame you.

1:33:01 Adam No. He won't. He won't. Listen. I would have never done that. Although that's the kind of family I come from. Yeah. I would have been... You can't not kick him in the nuts. Although they would have sold me out faster.

1:33:14 Caller Hey. Drew?

1:33:15 Drew I don't have an answer.

1:33:16 Adam I'm dumbfounded. I really am.

1:33:18 Drew It would be best if she could not pursue it. But I wouldn't make the choice for her.

1:33:24 Adam I'm sort of with Drew. Here's the deal. If you never talk to him again, we know you're going to be okay. If you do pursue a relationship with him, potentially something could happen. On the other hand, if you think he's the most special guy in the world, I wouldn't want to let this incident with dad stand in the way of something that you feel strongly about. And she sounded like she had her head screwed on pretty straight. Get the Magic 8 ball out. We really can't do anything. It's a dilemma. Look at this poor Adam here. He's been on hold for 91 minutes. Adam?

1:34:00 Caller Yeah?

1:34:01 Adam Why won't your girlfriend initiate any displays of affection?

1:34:06 Caller I'm not really sure.

1:34:08 Drew Is it just in public or all the time?

1:34:10 Caller Just all the time.

1:34:13 Drew She's not comfortable with intimacy.

1:34:15 Caller Well, it's kind of weird because for like, we've known each other for like three years now. And like for two years supposedly she's liked me. And we haven't got out in that time.

1:34:30 Adam How long have you been going out with her? Three months. What's the furthest you've gotten with her?

1:34:36 Caller What?

1:34:37 Adam What's the furthest you've gotten with her?

1:34:39 Caller Just making out.

1:34:40 Adam Just making out?

1:34:41 Caller Yeah.

1:34:41 Adam And it's not what she does behind closed doors is what she does in public. Which is nothing.

1:34:47 Caller Well, yeah, pretty much. Well, I mean, she doesn't initiate anything.

1:34:51 Adam Yeah, ever.

1:34:53 Caller Yeah, pretty much. I mean, she's willing and everything, but it's, it's, it's, I don't, it's weird. I don't get any like, like she wants to do it. Right.

1:35:04 Drew You don't have a sense that she really is Indian. Yeah.

1:35:08 Adam Drew, close your eyes. Can you remember that? You only have to close one eye. You don't have to go back that far. I can remember that. Thank God. Remember that, Drew? You're, you know, you're making out, you're making the move, you're moving ahead, and you feel like all of a sudden, you're a fireman pulling someone out of a building. You know, it's like, whoa, what happened? A minute ago, I had a pulse. Oh, we got a ventilate. I need lactate ringers and D5W.

1:35:40 Caller Keep your eyes open.

1:35:42 Drew Not a good sign.

1:35:44 Adam Damn you, Liv. Liv. All right. Keep your eyes open. That's how we're. Great.

1:35:56 Caller Offspring.

1:35:57 Adam Drew brings his head to the offspring, everybody. All righty, that just about does it for the fabulous, well, the New and Improved LoveLine. I want to thank the Shapely Sherry for doing a wonderful job on the phones and popping that cord. You know, she pops that cord.

1:36:18 Drew I just ate it. I know.

1:36:19 Adam She just sits on it for a couple of seconds and the whole thing just goes right up. The Angular One producer, Anne, who, I'll tell you, put a weight on a shoe, she doesn't blow away. When wind kicks into the studio, she's going to blow away.

1:36:34 Caller She's going to vaporize.

1:36:36 Adam I think she'll just tumble like a weed, right down the highway. Of course, engineer Mike, I think, put on Anne's weight. Anne dropped 30 pounds, Mike put on 30. That's where it went. Now Mike, Mike's playing handsome and he does a wonderful job.

1:36:57 Caller Kiss my ass, Adam.

1:36:58 Adam He's really going to town with those sound effects.

1:37:00 Drew And away we go.

1:37:01 Adam And away we go. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:37:08 Caller This is Ben Loveline. The views expressed on Loveline are not necessarily those of the staff, the management, or the sponsors of this radio show.

1:37:16 Caller These are probably not the views of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:37:19 Caller Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins Engel. Now please listen to this station longer.

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Thursday, January 21, 1999