Episode 1000754887872

4:27 Careful, we got 40.

4:36 30 miniscule seconds remaining.

4:46 Pauly Shore 20 tiny seconds.

4:56 Voiceover And we got a ten, nine, eight, seven, six. Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

5:06 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

5:10 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

5:12 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

5:14 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

5:17 Voiceover Loveline.

5:19 Adam Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew.

5:28 Pauly Shore Thank you.

5:29 Adam Is a board certified physician, an addiction medicine specialist, and...

5:33 Pauly Shore And a major star now.

5:35 Adam He's big.

5:35 Pauly Shore He's a major star. I remember when I used to be on the show a long time ago.

5:40 Adam That's Pauly Shore, by the way.

5:41 Pauly Shore He used to always look at me, not in awe at all, but just like, what's it like, almost. You know, he always had that like, what's it like, you know, MTV and the girls and that. Now, he's the one. And I'm asking you, what's it like, man?

5:53 Drew MTV and the girls?

5:54 Pauly Shore Yeah, the whole thing.

5:55 Drew That sounds like me.

5:56 Pauly Shore You got that hot red head on there all the time. She's very pretty. She looks sexually frustrated, though, for some reason.

6:03 Adam Did MTV not pay when you were doing it some years back?

6:07 Pauly Shore No, they paid me a lot.

6:08 Adam Oh, did they?

6:08 Pauly Shore Yeah, they paid me a lot.

6:09 Adam That's where the money went.

6:10 Yeah.

6:12 Adam Because they told me, they said, I said, hey, could I have some more money? And they said, we spent it all. And I said, where? And they said, well, we can't tell you. But Dan Cortez and Pauly took the lion's share of it.

6:24 Drew Then he went and kicked Chris Hardwick's ass.

6:26 Adam Yeah.

6:27 Drew I figured that's where it went.

6:28 Adam I thought that's where it went. But he told me no. And I believe him.

6:31 Pauly Shore MTV never paid. But that's not why we do MTV.

6:34 Adam It isn't?

6:34 Pauly Shore No.

6:35 Adam Why do we do it?

6:36 Pauly Shore Believe me. You'll know.

6:38 Adam All right.

6:39 Pauly Shore You'll know.

6:40 Adam Pauly, yeah, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

6:42 Pauly Shore It's just one of those things. You know, it's a stepping stone to take you into your TV show.

6:49 Adam Well, for true. Yeah, it was a real stepping stone. They were very instrumental. No, you can't do that. Oh, they're such pieces of ass over at MTV. Let me tell you what those idiots did. I have a contract. Oh, I could care less.

7:03 Pauly Shore You could? You could say that stuff about them?

7:06 Adam Who cares? What are they going to do? Fire me?

7:09 Pauly Shore Aren't you on MTV?

7:10 Adam Yeah, but I don't care.

7:11 Pauly Shore You don't care?

7:12 Adam Listen, here's what MTV did. If anyone wants to know the MTV story, the truth with the MTV story and the Man Show. I had a contract with them and it said I couldn't do any other stuff on other shows. So I said to them, hey...

7:29 Pauly Shore Well, then do your show. Do the Man Show, right?

7:31 Adam I said, right. No, not on MTV. No, it went to ABC first and then it went to Comedy Central. I said to MTV, hey listen, I want to do this other project. It's not going to take me away from Loveline. It'll open a few doors for me.

7:50 Pauly Shore Plus, it'll both kind of cross.

7:52 Adam Yeah, man shows on 10.30. People will go, hey, there's the guy from Loveline and they'll switch over and watch Loveline at 11.

7:59 Pauly Shore Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with that. I don't see a problem there, Mr. Corolla.

8:05 Adam That's right, but they said absolutely not.

8:07 Pauly Shore They said no.

8:08 Adam No, and then we begged them and they said nope. And then the guy, Doug Herzog, who now runs Fox, was over at Comedy Central and he said to the MTV people, that must have been interesting. Unless you put it on, let him go and do it on Comedy Central, I'll just take it to Fox, which I could have done because there was a contractual thing that just said no other cable stations. So then they wanted like a million dollars worth of extortion money basically, which was advertising on Comedy Central for MTV in order to let me do it. But now when I talk to them, they say after we generously let you go do the man show, you will pay us with the kind of things that I'm saying now, which is just really the truth. So they're cheap and they're horrible over there at MTV and I could care less.

8:59 Drew I've never heard of ProvInform just for the record.

9:01 Pauly Shore What about you?

9:01 Adam Drew, you don't like them either.

9:02 Drew Come on.

9:03 Adam They don't promote the show. You get an oven mitten for Christmas each year and when the award show comes around, if you went backstage, they tackle you and drag you back out to the bleachers.

9:13 Pauly Shore That's MTV for you. That's how they work. They were like that when I was on there too, so don't feel bad.

9:20 Adam All right. So I bad mouthed them a little in the press and then they yelled at me, but...

9:26 Pauly Shore So now where is it, Sam? You still have a show on MTV. Yeah. So that's great.

9:30 Adam Yeah, that's fine. And we're doing the...

9:32 Pauly Shore And you got your big man show.

9:33 Adam We got the man show.

9:34 Pauly Shore We got 26 more of those.

9:36 Adam Yes. And Comedy Central is a real network.

9:39 Pauly Shore Right.

9:39 Adam They promote things. They're nice. They're great people over there. It's a totally different environment. Completely different. Drew, you ought to try it sometime.

9:48 Drew Maybe that's why I don't have a problem with MTV. I've never seen anything else.

9:51 Adam Yeah, you don't know. It's like you're like a guy who's eaten at Shakey's your entire life and never... Like if you went to the Sizzler just one day, you'd be liberated. But you're stuck in that hell. All right. So Pauly has extricated himself from the hell that is MTV and has moved on. And we're going to talk about a few projects. One coming up this Friday is on Nash Bridges. Ten o'clock?

10:15 Pauly Shore Yeah, it's on ten o'clock at CBS.

10:21 Adam Oh, CBS.

10:21 Pauly Shore That's right. Not MTV.

10:23 Adam Right. Now the thing that drives me insane, and I know I have a problem with just about everything, but the thing that drives me nuts about Nash Bridges is nothing to do with the show, only the advertising because they will... Here's how they advertise Nash Bridges. Don and Cheech are getting into trouble this week. And I'm like, Don Cheech, what happened to Nash? Is he a cop or is he married to Melanie Griffin? Who is he? Is he an actor? Don't use his name. It bothers me. I was just watching the other day and they're like, who else is on that show? Yasmine, right? Cheech and Yasmine are having... It's like, stop using the actor's real names. It's confusing to me. I want to believe...

11:08 Pauly Shore So then you're expecting to turn on to the show and Cheech is calling Cheech Don and he's not Nash. So you're saying that he should be calling him Chee or Dash instead of Don.

11:20 Adam I expect to see the boom mic hanging in the shot and Cheech turning and breaking down the fourth wall and talking to you at home. Hey, what are you eating?

11:29 Why don't you get up?

11:31 Pauly Shore It was funny. I was messing with him because he did obviously the best movies back in the day. Up in Smoke and I was going, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun. Yeah, mama told me to me and you know, I was messing with him. It was pretty funny. How does he react to that? It's funny because I tour. I do a lot of stand-up and I tour and I've done some shows with Tommy and you know Tommy Chong and Tommy's and they don't they I mean what a great reunion that would be.

11:56 Drew They have no relationship.

11:57 Pauly Shore They have no relationship and Cheech has married. He's got kids and he doesn't you know he doesn't want to do that whole live thing and Tommy on the other hand tours with his wife and his wife, I sort of got Tommy, Tommy Chong's wife does all the Cheech's shtick on the stage. She's like so we're the stoners. How are the stoners? Are the stoners out there?

12:19 Adam She's having a menopausal hot flash in the middle of one of the bits.

12:24 Pauly Shore So Cheech isn't into doing a reunion concert which I think would be really cool.

12:30 Adam Tommy was looking for a replacement Cheech about two or three years ago but I don't know if it worked out or not. I don't think it did.

12:40 Pauly Shore Yeah, Ray Don Chung?

12:40 Adam Yeah.

12:41 Pauly Shore We used to see her on this show years ago. Oh yeah? I don't know where she is. Maybe she's married or something.

12:45 Adam Alright, well let me finish my Pauly plug and then we'll get to the...

12:49 Pauly Shore I was also on Hefner, the big movie last night. I don't know if people saw it. I played Lenny Bruce.

12:55 Adam You did?

12:56 Pauly Shore Yeah, I played Lenny Bruce.

12:57 Adam That's cool. I didn't see that.

12:58 Pauly Shore Yeah, I was Hefner, the USA movie.

13:00 Adam Must have been here.

13:01 Pauly Shore Oh, brilliant, brilliant.

13:02 Adam New Year's Eve, he's got a bash at the comedy store. And now what's that?

13:07 Pauly Shore Fred Dirce will be hanging out there too.

13:09 Adam From Limp Bizkit. And how's that going to go?

13:13 Pauly Shore It's just a free for all. It's 75 bucks. And you get champagne, you get little ringer things. You count down, I'm going to have a DJ. I'm going to have some free for all. People are going to be on stage grabbing the mic, singing. It's going to be just craziness.

13:27 Adam Are you going to perform? Are other comedians going to perform?

13:31 Pauly Shore I'm going to see who's on the line up that night. Usually there's some pretty good all stars. I might drag them over. So it's just going to be very spontaneous.

13:37 Adam And how does it work? Because there's a few different rooms at the comedy store. You just open the whole place up?

13:43 Pauly Shore Well, my mom, she's going to have the original room, and she's going to have all her comics in that room. And then I'm taking over the main room, which is the big room.

13:50 Drew The back.

13:51 Pauly Shore Yeah, the big room, which is about a 400 seater. And then there's the VIP room upstairs. I'm taking over that whole thing.

13:57 Adam I never got into any other room.

13:59 Drew Are you worried about New Year's at all?

14:00 Pauly Shore I'm not.

14:00 Drew About people going to do weird things or?

14:02 Adam No.

14:03 Pauly Shore I think we should just wait. You know what we should do? We should watch New York. You know what I mean? Because New York, we should watch the ball drop in New York and everything's cool in New York, and then we can all go out in LA.

14:13 Drew I'm more worried about the Rose Parade and things like that where people have opportunities just to do.

14:16 Adam What do you think?

14:17 Pauly Shore I don't know.

14:17 Drew Just, you know, just.

14:19 Pauly Shore I think the more everyone talks about it, the more stuff's going to happen. I think if everyone stops talking about how crazy things are going to be, about the whole, you know, about the whole, what's going to happen, this is going to, you know, just, let's not talk about it.

14:30 Adam Are you worried about terrorist acts?

14:32 Drew That kind of thing.

14:32 Adam Are you worried about Y2K stuff?

14:34 Drew No, I'm worried about terrorists or just goofballs. People who are, you know what I mean?

14:38 There's always goofballs.

14:39 Drew No, no, but I mean goofballs like.

14:41 Adam What are you, like 85 years old now? These crazy kids going out, dragging the sticks across the picket fences and aching the houses?

14:50 Drew Like in Colorado.

14:51 Adam Oh, right. But why does that coincide with New Year's?

14:55 Pauly Shore Because it gives people a reason to get nuts.

14:57 Adam Yeah, people just look for the millennium New Year's.

15:00 Drew The real whack jobs believe they're going to die anyway. I think that they're going to die.

15:03 Adam All right, Drew, stop planting seeds with all these stone livers.

15:06 Pauly Shore Especially the kids that listen to this show.

15:08 Adam Yeah.

15:08 Pauly Shore Jesus Christ.

15:09 Adam All right.

15:10 Pauly Shore There she is again.

15:11 Adam Let's take some calls here. Emily? You're 18. What's up?

15:17 Caller Okay.

15:18 Pauly Shore There's this one guy at my work and I'm really attracted to him, right?

15:22 Pauly Shore A guy at your work that you're really attracted to?

15:25 Pauly Shore Yeah.

15:26 Pauly Shore Where do you work?

15:27 Pauly Shore I work at El Torito's.

15:28 Pauly Shore Right. Is that Mexican food?

15:30 Yeah. Okay.

15:33 Adam There's the worst Thai food in the world at El Torito.

15:37 Yeah.

15:37 Adam Don't get the kimchi at El Torito. It's bad news.

15:41 Pauly Shore Okay. We both want to have sex with each other, right?

15:43 Pauly Shore Right.

15:44 Pauly Shore But he has a fiance and two kids.

15:48 Drew Emily, why do you want to get involved with this?

15:50 Pauly Shore That's called cheating and it's not good. You can't do it.

15:52 Drew Cheating and you're disrupting a family.

15:53 Pauly Shore Yeah. Think about it. You'll disrupt it. You ever see that Rebecca DeMorne movie?

15:57 Drew Yeah.

15:58 Pauly Shore Hand that Rocks the Cradle?

15:59 Pauly Shore Right.

16:00 Pauly Shore That's your favorite movie, isn't it?

16:01 Pauly Shore No.

16:02 Pauly Shore No?

16:02 Adam They'll have to change his name to El Cheat-Rito.

16:06 All right.

16:06 Adam I should have worked that one out.

16:08 Pauly Shore That's good. No, that's a good one.

16:09 Drew How old is he?

16:11 He's 19.

16:12 Drew He's 19. He has two kids. Emily, come on.

16:14 Pauly Shore I know. But the thing is like I was talking to him one night and the only reason why he's still with her is to be like a good dad type person.

16:22 Pauly Shore Does he live with her?

16:23 Drew You know what?

16:23 Adam He's obviously a role model, this young gentleman.

16:26 Drew Be that as it may, isn't that good enough? Do you really want to derail him from something he's trying to do on behalf of these kids?

16:32 Adam No.

16:33 Drew All right. Because your dad was a jack-off, doesn't mean he has to-

16:38 Adam I'd love to be a fly on the wall for the conversation, which is Emily, the only reason I'm staying with my marriage is because of my two children and being a father to them. Now, how about a BJ in the mop room?

16:48 Drew Yeah.

16:49 Adam You know what I mean? I mean, good guys don't screw around. That's part of staying with your family. It's not banging around with other kids.

16:59 Pauly Shore But is this guy still with her or is it just one of those?

17:02 Drew No, no. He's going to marry her.

17:04 Pauly Shore Oh, so hello, Emily. Is he going to marry her? He doesn't want to.

17:08 Drew Is he going to marry her?

17:09 Pauly Shore Yeah, but does he live with her first of all?

17:11 Pauly Shore I think so.

17:12 Pauly Shore What do you mean you think so? You got to know if he does or doesn't.

17:15 Pauly Shore I'm pretty sure they do.

17:16 Pauly Shore Well, then you shouldn't do it.

17:18 Adam So, Emily, here's the real question.

17:21 Pauly Shore Well, let him figure out his life first and take care of that. Bail, you know. Bail with that and then if that's happening.

17:28 Drew There's a gambling opportunity here, by the way.

17:30 Adam No, I don't want to gamble. Just scratch him off the list. Here's the real question. What is wrong with you and what's missing in your life and what is wrong with yourself?

17:37 Pauly Shore She's nasty and she likes to do things that are wrong.

17:39 Pauly Shore No, okay. I'm a virgin, right?

17:42 Pauly Shore Oh, great. Dr. Drew, don't you know something about that?

17:45 Adam Hey, Emily?

17:46 Pauly Shore Yeah?

17:46 Adam You a big gal?

17:48 Pauly Shore No.

17:48 Adam No? Well, what's wrong with you?

17:50 Pauly Shore I don't know. My first question that I called in is because anytime I get into a relationship with a guy that I think he likes me, I always like, anytime when I find out that he does like me, I blow him off or I completely lose interest in him.

18:02 Adam Okay. Where's your dad? Where'd he go?

18:05 Pauly Shore My dad, I lived with both my parents and they're married. They've been married for 21 years.

18:09 Drew What's been going on there?

18:09 Pauly Shore See, that's the problem.

18:10 Drew No, what's going on there?

18:11 Pauly Shore They should have been divorced. No. They were divorced and screwed up. You'd be okay.

18:15 Drew Why only abandoning people? Why only abandoning partners?

18:19 Pauly Shore I don't know. It's been happening since I was 14.

18:23 Drew All right. One of the ways that parents can abandon their children is by drinking.

18:30 Pauly Shore No. My parents don't drink. Or my dad would drink when I was little, but my mom told him he had to stop or he was going to get kicked out. And he stopped smoking last year. And that's the only thing that they do. They pay all their taxes. They don't have drugs.

18:41 Drew Stop smoking what?

18:42 Pauly Shore Oh, just cigarettes. They don't do drugs at all.

18:44 Adam All right, but he drank enough when you were little that your mom had to threaten him.

18:47 Drew Yeah.

18:48 Adam All right, Emily, don't get involved with this.

18:50 Pauly Shore OK.

18:51 Adam All right.

18:51 Drew That's it.

18:52 Adam Thank you. And stay away from the salsa bar.

18:55 Drew Make a good choice on this one.

18:56 Adam Actually, that would be my policy. And I put a big sign up. Only virgins work the salsa bar.

19:02 Drew Why?

19:03 Adam We're that clean. You know what I mean? That'd be a great advertising ploy. I don't know, people worried about, you know, botulism and crabs and things like that.

19:13 Drew That's what you worry about at a salsa dip place?

19:16 Adam I worry about crabs and botulism and herpetic lids for take-home salsa containers. I just would like the idea of virgins working at the salsa bar.

19:27 Drew It'd be a quaint twist, yeah.

19:29 Adam Thank you. Scarlett, you're 18.

19:32 Caller Yeah.

19:32 Adam What's up?

19:33 Caller Okay. This is more about my boyfriend than anything.

19:36 Uh-oh.

19:37 Pauly Shore Where is she calling from?

19:39 Caller Georgia.

19:39 Georgia. Wow.

19:41 Caller Yeah. Do you hear my accent?

19:42 Pauly Shore I can hear your accent.

19:44 Caller I'm sorry.

19:44 Pauly Shore I know. It's okay.

19:46 Caller Stop. Okay. Listen, though. I'm kind of whacked up. So if I start rambling, stop me.

19:52 Pauly Shore Whacked up meaning?

19:54 Caller I'm crazy.

19:55 Drew Why? What does that mean?

19:56 Caller I'm screwed up. Why? I don't know. I just feel like I am. I have a lot of-

20:01 Pauly Shore You're confused right now?

20:03 Caller Huh?

20:03 Pauly Shore You're confused?

20:06 Caller No. I just think that I might have problems.

20:10 Adam Hey, Scarlett?

20:11 Drew Scarlett.

20:12 Adam Can you turn down the TV in the background there?

20:14 Caller Babe, turn down the TV.

20:15 Drew Is that really your name?

20:16 Adam All right. Hey, okay. Hold on, guys. Let's not fragment in too many directions here.

20:21 Drew We just get excited.

20:23 Pauly Shore Someone's calling from Atlanta.

20:25 Adam Scarlett needs to ask her question so we can answer.

20:27 Drew Go ahead and ask it.

20:28 Caller Okay. The reason I called is, I've been talking to my best friend about my boyfriend, and she's telling me that sperm, you know, when a guy climaxes, it's usually kind of thick and-

20:42 Pauly Shore Your boyfriend's is thin and-

20:44 Caller Yeah. It's really thin and not the way she describes it at all. It's much thinner.

20:50 Pauly Shore Maybe it's his diet, right, Dr. Drew?

20:52 Drew If he kind of saves up for a few days-

20:53 Adam He's not eating enough flour.

20:55 Caller Yeah.

20:55 Drew He's discharging a little too frequently.

20:57 Pauly Shore Say that.

20:59 Caller He's doing what now?

21:01 Drew If he saves up for a few days, it'll get thickened up.

21:04 Pauly Shore It gets thickened up?

21:05 Drew Sometimes.

21:05 Pauly Shore So he's been ejaculating a lot.

21:07 Drew Right. Or not.

21:08 Pauly Shore So how often do you guys do it or does he ejaculate with you?

21:13 Caller Well, I don't know how much he masturbates.

21:18 Pauly Shore Well, how many times are you with him?

21:21 Caller Actually, lately, not a lot at all because I'm having some problems.

21:25 Adam What's your problem?

21:26 Caller Female problem.

21:27 Drew What's the problem?

21:29 Caller I've been to the gynecologist a few times. I went and I had a pelvic done and it hurt me really bad.

21:35 Pauly Shore What's a pelvic, Dr. Drew?

21:36 Adam An exam.

21:37 Drew Speculum in the vagina.

21:39 Pauly Shore With the stick?

21:39 Drew Speculum.

21:40 Adam Yeah.

21:40 Pauly Shore With like a obstacle stick? Duckbill.

21:42 Adam It's the duckbill.

21:43 Drew The duckbill that opens up.

21:44 Pauly Shore Duckbill platypus?

21:47 Adam You got the post part right. Hey, Scarlett?

21:51 Caller Uh-huh.

21:52 Adam Do you have any kids?

21:53 Caller No.

21:54 Drew Okay.

21:54 Adam All right, good.

21:55 Drew We're ahead of the game.

21:56 Pauly Shore He has my fear. But what let's.

21:58 Caller I won't be able to have him.

21:59 Drew There is nothing wrong with him or his semen, okay. Don't worry about it.

22:04 Pauly Shore Because it's thinner.

22:05 Drew Thin does not imply anything.

22:06 Adam That's what I.

22:07 Pauly Shore Really, it doesn't?

22:08 Drew Nothing.

22:08 Adam Really?

22:09 Drew Nothing.

22:09 Adam That's what I love about the South. It's like you're 18, you don't have a brood under your arm. You're an old spinstress. You know, she's 18, she's worried she's not going to, this guy won't be able to get her pregnant.

22:21 Drew 18.

22:21 Adam 18. Come on, everybody. John?

22:24 Yeah.

22:25 Adam You're 22. Yeah. What's up? You're on with Pauly Shore, by the way.

22:28 Caller Hey, Pauly, what's up?

22:29 Pauly Shore How you doing, man?

22:31 Good.

22:34 Caller So how do we start this thing?

22:35 Pauly Shore You just speak and ask your question. We're here to make your life better, man. That's what we're here for.

22:40 Caller Okay. I was wondering why I've been ejaculating in my sleep.

22:48 Pauly Shore Ejaculating? You masturbate or you just do orgasm?

22:51 Caller I masturbate.

22:52 Pauly Shore Oh, you masturbate in your sleep?

22:54 Caller Yeah.

22:54 Pauly Shore Dr. Drew, that's you. I don't know anything about that one.

22:57 Drew No, that happens.

22:59 Adam Are you using your hand or are you rubbing up against something?

23:03 Caller As far as I know, my girlfriend tells me I use my hands.

23:08 Drew Well, it happens. That's not...

23:09 Is that normal?

23:10 Pauly Shore It's like sleepwalking but sleep masturbating. Yeah.

23:14 Drew It's somewhat of a sleep disturbance, I suppose. What's going on in your life?

23:18 Caller Nothing really. I work, come home, go to sleep.

23:21 Pauly Shore Masturbate, wake up.

23:23 Drew Are you sexually active with your girlfriend?

23:25 Caller Yeah.

23:26 Adam Do you masturbate before you go to bed?

23:28 Caller No.

23:29 Adam See, that's the problem.

23:30 Caller I masturbate while I'm sleeping.

23:31 Adam I have this theory that I would masturbate while I was sleeping had I not masturbated before I went to bed.

23:38 Drew If you ever...

23:38 Adam You know what I'm saying?

23:39 Drew If you ever...

23:40 Adam I've never tried it.

23:41 Drew Never survived that experience.

23:42 Adam I've never gone to bed without masturbating. One time when I was hitting the head with a broom and knocked out for a couple hours, I was still able to masturbate just before the broom struck my head. That was the only time I even came close to going out without masturbating. Hey, John?

24:01 Caller Yeah?

24:02 Adam Why don't you just masturbate before you go to bed and then I bet you wouldn't masturbate while you're asleep?

24:07 Caller Do you think that would stop it, though?

24:10 Adam That's my hypothesis, John.

24:12 Pauly Shore That makes sense.

24:13 Adam Yeah. Because you've sort of checked it off the list, you know? Yeah. I mean, let's equate it, and I know it's not exactly analogous, but let's equate it to wetting your bed. If you go to bed and you got to pee, you may wet the bed. But if you pee before you go to bed, you won't pee in the middle of the bed. That's good.

24:34 Right.

24:35 Adam Drew, you're out. Pauly, you're in. Drew?

24:37 Yeah?

24:37 Adam You're going to be throwing a New Year's bash at the comedy store, though. You'd better start prepping for that.

24:42 Drew I'm ready.

24:43 Adam Jason?

24:44 Yeah?

24:45 Adam You're 15.

24:46 Caller Yes, I am.

24:46 Adam What's up?

24:47 Caller All right. Before I ask my question, let me just say, Adam, Man Show. I love it.

24:52 Adam Oh, thanks.

24:52 Drew See? There you go. There's your average watcher, viewer right there.

24:55 Adam Thank you. 15. And you're strung out on methadone?

24:59 Caller Actually, no. But that's okay. And Dr. Drew, you know, educates so many people, bassist, everything.

25:07 Drew Hey, if I could, again, I can't.

25:09 Adam Plug that website.

25:10 Drew Yeah, we've got this amazingly exciting websites, drdrew.com. We have a team of people producing a ton of very interesting material for you guys.

25:18 Adam Let me translate that one fat Asian guy.

25:19 Drew No, no, no. You can find answer to almost any question you guys can imagine. If you can't get through here, go there. We also have these forums where people post experiences they're having, get feedback from other users. It's really amazing. It's just exciting to be a part of. And we have broadcast. Would you come on a broadcast?

25:34 Pauly Shore I would love to.

25:35 Drew We do streaming video.

25:36 Pauly Shore Oh, wow. You got that. I actually got a website, too. Trying to put that together. paulyshore.com.

25:43 Adam You can plug that on Drew's website.

25:45 Pauly Shore There you go. We're trying to put some, what is it, like, like putting cameras in the different rooms and stuff.

25:51 Drew Well, no, no. We actually do a show. Oh, you do?

25:53 Pauly Shore Where's that at?

25:54 Drew We built a studio in Old Town, Pasadena.

25:55 Pauly Shore Great.

25:56 Drew And then just broadcast. 730 Pacific Time on Monday.

25:59 Pauly Shore Oh, that's great.

26:00 Adam Drew, I just got to jump in. It bothers me that you pointed toward LAX. Yeah, when you're talking about Old Town, Pasadena.

26:08 Drew No way.

26:09 Adam It bothers me when people point the wrong way.

26:11 Drew Wait a minute. That's how freaked out I am about my directionality. That way is north?

26:15 Adam Even when they're talking about...

26:17 Drew No way.

26:17 Adam I swear, I go nuts even...

26:18 Drew That is not north.

26:19 Adam Even when they're talking about Kentucky, like when they go, yeah, I'm from Kentucky. I'm like, no, no, no. That way. That's the sky.

26:24 Drew It's got to be this way.

26:25 Adam No, but listen, LAX is that way.

26:27 Drew This way.

26:28 Adam No, that way. You just pointed behind...

26:31 Drew Pasadena is this way, right?

26:32 Adam No, Pasadena is that way.

26:34 Drew No way.

26:35 Pauly Shore Yeah, it is that way.

26:36 Adam It's that way and that way.

26:37 Pauly Shore Well, we're in an alley right now, so we're like in a weird spot. We're not like right on the street.

26:42 Adam Let's not digress too much.

26:43 Caller All right.

26:44 Adam Okay, Jason.

26:45 Caller Yeah, and finally, Pauly. Yeah.

26:48 Adam Jason, where are you calling from, by the way?

26:50 Caller I was one of the few viewers who actually watched your show on Fox.

26:55 Pauly Shore Oh, well, there you go.

26:56 Thank you.

26:58 Caller I don't know.

26:58 Adam That is a lovely compliment.

27:00 Drew Was that a compliment?

27:00 Pauly Shore I guess, yeah.

27:01 Drew Jason, where are you calling from? Jason, where are you calling from?

27:04 Caller I'm calling from Maryland.

27:05 Adam All right. So you're with me on this whole Pasadena LAX controversy, aren't you?

27:11 Caller Yeah.

27:12 Adam Thank you. I know it must bother you. What is your question?

27:15 Caller All right. Yeah. I called a couple months ago, a few months ago. You guys helped me out with asking girl out that worked out really well.

27:24 Pauly Shore Do you remember him?

27:25 Drew No.

27:26 Caller No.

27:27 Adam Go ahead, Jason.

27:27 Pauly Shore Remember the pizza thing?

27:29 Caller Yeah.

27:29 Drew Were you there that night?

27:30 Pauly Shore The pizza.

27:31 Drew Were you there that night?

27:33 Adam He's going to ask this question. We're going to go to break.

27:35 Drew I'm going to pick. Here we go.

27:36 Caller All right.

27:37 Caller Anyway, so I recently became sexually active and...

27:41 Pauly Shore How old are you? 15?

27:42 Caller Yeah.

27:43 Pauly Shore Okay. That's when I first did it too. 15. Yeah.

27:47 Caller I have this red.

27:50 Pauly Shore Yeah.

27:52 Caller And on my pelvic area. I don't know.

27:55 Drew What's it look like?

27:56 Caller Actually, it looks exactly like Eric Cartman.

27:59 Drew Oh, there you go.

28:00 Pauly Shore Who's Eric Cartman?

28:02 Adam He's the fat kid from South Park.

28:05 Caller Oh, okay. There he is.

28:08 Caller That's him.

28:09 Adam All right.

28:09 Pauly Shore And it looks like that?

28:11 Caller It's red and it looks exactly like that. That dog is a gay homosexual.

28:17 Adam And I got something on my ass that looks like Mr. Hankey.

28:22 Drew This is the man show audience we're talking about.

28:24 Adam All right. So does he want any advice? Are we hanging up on him? What do you want?

28:28 Caller I want to know how could that rash have happened? I used a condom.

28:35 Drew Right. Jason, I don't know what the rash is. I don't know what you're describing. I don't know what that character looks like.

28:42 Adam So if it was Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, you could make a proper diagnosis?

28:47 Drew Absolutely.

28:48 Adam I understand. There's a Haji from Johnny Quest.

28:52 Pauly Shore How would he get a rash on his pelvic right there if he had sex?

28:55 Drew You can get herpes there. Herpes there.

28:57 Pauly Shore Pelvic, meaning like your belly button area?

28:59 Drew Your pubic area. You get myeloscopic.

29:01 Pauly Shore Well, of course.

29:01 Adam Yeah.

29:02 Drew Myeloscopic, contagiosome. There's all kinds of things you can get there.

29:04 Pauly Shore Some overflow.

29:06 Adam We're going to take a...

29:09 Pauly Shore That's why I always thought they should make condoms where the condom part cups the balls and then puts the top over the pubic area.

29:15 Adam Like a sneeze guard. Yeah, like on a motorcycle grip, like on a dirt bike, has that round part at the end so you don't pinch yourself with the clutch. All right, we will take a break. Pauly Shore is our guest tonight and we'll be back after this.

29:31 Pauly Shore We about to get funky, yo.

29:33 This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

29:37 Drew We'll be right back. I'm going to go, oh.

30:10 Adam Yeah? Yeah. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew.

30:14 Pauly Shore So what did you just do, Adam?

30:16 Adam I just listened to Pauly Shore tell me to tell you that I checked out the Pauly shore.com website, which is hot.

30:23 Pauly Shore Isn't it hot? Did you see the flash, the different effects we have? It's so on top of everything.

30:31 Adam I'll tell you, I've never seen a better website.

30:33 Pauly Shore It's Pauly shore.com. That's all you have to tap into, and it's just you can see all the different little things, little games people pop up, all those different things.

30:42 Isn't that wild?

30:43 Adam When you're done looking at that, you can then look at the drdrew.com.

30:48 Pauly Shore When we have links to each other.

30:50 Drew We should link.

30:50 Pauly Shore We should.

30:53 Adam You guys can do links. Alright. Talk to your publicist and you can set up a link.

30:58 Pauly Shore Linky dinky dinky.

30:59 Adam Shelly is 17.

31:03 Hello.

31:03 Adam What's up?

31:05 I have a problem.

31:06 Adam Alright.

31:07 Caller Okay. I've been seeing this guy since like Easter. He's had this girlfriend that he's still with for like two years. Okay. He comes over and he talks about families and stuff, you know, and all that.

31:19 Drew What do you mean about families?

31:20 Pauly Shore About wanting to have a family with you and stuff?

31:22 Drew Oh boy.

31:23 Pauly Shore So what's he doing with her?

31:24 Caller I don't know. He can't make his own decision.

31:27 Pauly Shore It's weird. He's confused.

31:30 Drew No. He's real clear. He's real clear. He's just a sociopath.

31:35 Pauly Shore Sociopath meaning?

31:36 Drew He just says whatever he has to say to get what he wants.

31:39 Adam Are you pregnant?

31:40 Caller I think I am. And I don't know, he won't come around, he won't call me or anything. And I feel like he just left me with a kid and expects me to raise it on my own.

31:52 Adam Well, don't worry. We'll all chip in as a society. I'm not actually going to see you.

31:56 Pauly Shore Don't you have a website?

31:58 Adam I'll pay for part of this upbringing.

32:00 Pauly Shore What's your name?

32:01 Caller Michelle.

32:01 Pauly Shore michelle.com.

32:03 Caller No.

32:04 Adam Hey, Michelle. Do you know if you're pregnant? Could you find out?

32:08 Caller Well, I'm supposed to take a test tomorrow and I've been having some systems, like I feel like I'm going to throw up.

32:15 Adam Right.

32:15 Drew How?

32:16 Caller I've just been having mood swings.

32:18 Drew How long ago was your period supposed to be?

32:20 Caller I should get it in two weeks.

32:22 Drew Wait a minute, you're mid cycle right now?

32:24 Caller Yeah, I should be in two weeks.

32:27 Drew So you had sex basically during your last period?

32:30 Caller No. Last time was Wednesday.

32:34 Adam Uh-huh.

32:35 Drew You wouldn't be feeling anything by now.

32:37 Adam You wouldn't?

32:37 Drew No way.

32:38 Adam No, less than a week?

32:39 Drew Less than a week, it's like five days.

32:41 Adam No, I said less than a week.

32:42 Drew Yeah. Monday, yeah.

32:44 Adam Shall I? Uh-huh.

32:46 Pauly Shore So she might not be pregnant?

32:48 Drew No.

32:48 Adam Why don't you start using protection, Sweet Pea?

32:51 Caller I do.

32:51 Pauly Shore She can't help it. It just feels so nice.

32:54 Caller No, this is the first time that I didn't.

32:56 Drew No, I see.

32:57 Pauly Shore All right.

32:57 Adam Well, as long as there's a good reason. All right.

33:00 Pauly Shore So what are we going to do about this guy though?

33:02 Adam Don't trust him, don't like him.

33:04 Caller Should I go over his house?

33:06 Pauly Shore I would show up with a switch blade or something.

33:09 Drew Pauly, be careful.

33:11 Adam Listen, just stop having sex with him, dump him and find a guy who meets your needs.

33:15 Drew Get that morning after pill if you're not going to be using oral contraceptive pill. Get the morning after pill. Within three days of an unprotected sexual encounter, you can prevent the pregnancy. Not an abortion pill. It suppresses ovulation.

33:28 Adam I was talking to Drew during the break about a fashion show that I'm doing tomorrow to prevent AIDS. Is that what it's for? I don't know what it is with me and I don't know what's wrong with me, but it seems like there's way too much money being raised for the whole AIDS thing.

33:46 Drew Relative to other diseases.

33:47 Adam Relative to other problems we have in this society. But I still wrote a speech that I'm going to give out on the runway.

33:54 Pauly Shore Why don't you practice it?

33:56 Adam Well, I don't have it done yet. It's just that...

33:57 Pauly Shore Well, give us the first part.

33:58 Adam I got the working title. AIDS is Bad. That's the title. And then I'm just going to keep going.

34:04 Pauly Shore You're going to go from there.

34:05 Adam From there, yeah.

34:05 Pauly Shore Is it going to be a rap, a poem?

34:09 Adam It'll be very politically correct. It just will be, listen, it's none of your homos' fault. It could happen to anybody. It could happen to virgin heterosexuals who didn't participate in any IV drug use just as easily as it could happen to you junkie homos. Just as easily. And that's the message I want to get across here in society. It's important to lie to everybody so you get your message across.

34:33 Drew Finally, there is an imperative, though, to talk about who the risk groups are.

34:37 Adam That's right.

34:38 Drew And African American and Hispanic females is the next big group.

34:42 Adam That's right.

34:42 Drew Young.

34:43 Adam No, no. Come on. You're the man. You can't say that.

34:47 Pauly Shore How's this cocktail doing?

34:49 Adam It's doing good.

34:50 Pauly Shore It's a good cocktail?

34:51 Drew Yeah, yeah.

34:52 Pauly Shore Tell me about it.

34:53 Drew It's a combination of antiviral drugs that suppress the viral production.

34:58 Pauly Shore So people are taking this cocktail.

34:59 Drew And then the virus doesn't cause the destruction and people don't get AIDS.

35:03 Pauly Shore And everyone can afford the cocktail? Why the hell?

35:05 Drew I want to know.

35:06 Pauly Shore Rich people and stuff?

35:07 Drew That's why all this money is being raised for AIDS, by the way.

35:09 Pauly Shore For the cocktail.

35:11 Adam Money gets raised for AIDS because I think it's a hip cause and I think it's a Hollywood sort of industry thing and I think there's like, there's this sort of Liz Taylor crowd that's into it and everyone's ultra liberal but I really don't care. I mean I just don't, I don't care about AIDS anymore and I care about any other disease per se. To me it's all about who kills, what disease kills the most people, in what order, botulism is number 222 and AIDS is whatever.

35:42 Drew Depends what age group we're talking about.

35:43 Adam And let's just focus on number one and we'll work our way down. And number one gets the most money, number two gets second most and that's fine.

35:50 Pauly Shore So AIDS is just the word bothers you or something?

35:54 Adam I just think, AIDS, oh AIDS. I think it's like a celebrity cause. Right.

35:59 Pauly Shore Because there's so many celebrities that have unprotected sex.

36:01 Adam Not that many people are actually interested in, I think they just say they are.

36:05 Drew I also, by the way, want an apology from Spin for publishing all that crap about how HIV had nothing to do with AIDS.

36:10 Adam I'm sure it's in the mail.

36:12 Drew Year after year after year.

36:14 Pauly Shore Is it true though? HIV does it, it segues into AIDS, correct? Of course it does.

36:19 Drew It satisfies what's called Koch's Postulant Syndrome.

36:21 Pauly Shore Koch's Postulant Syndrome. Right, with the cocktail. Right on the website.

36:26 Adam Zane, you're seventeen.

36:29 Caller Adam, listen to y'all time, see The Man Show. I think The Man Show is great, but Sacramento Bee is like, oh, the worst of this year. Ooh, The Man Show, The Man Show, just testosterone. All the porn star thing.

36:42 Pauly Shore Critics. How are you dealing with critics, Adam?

36:44 Adam Let me just give a quick message to all the critics out there.

36:49 Pauly Shore See, I dealt with them different.

36:50 Adam You pussies can write your asses off until your goddamn hands fall off, but here's the bottom line, 26 more episodes going to work in a few weeks. I live in a big house up on a hill. I drive a BMW and you guys can all blow me. Blow me, you pussies. Nobody reads a goddamn word you say. That's what I love. Keep it coming. It's great. I love it. Call us idiots. Call us sexist. Keep writing the stories because the ratings keep going up. You no talent, jealous losers. Kiss my ass. That's right. Keep it coming. We'll get another 26.

37:27 Drew Thank you, Zane.

37:28 Caller And for Dr. Drew.

37:29 Drew Yeah, Zane.

37:30 Smart, smart, smart.

37:32 Caller And not one of those just like brainy guys with like no life. I'm like, you're cool, man.

37:36 Adam Yeah, he's cool. He just doesn't know which way home is.

37:39 Caller Well, you know, you can get the chauffeur going.

37:41 Adam That's true.

37:42 Caller My question for Pauly is, first of all, I love the show on Fox. And you know, when it was on. But my question is, how did you get into Limp Bizkit? Did you just like meet him at a club? Or did you just like like him for a while?

37:56 Adam Let me jump in and say that Pauly has worked with Fred Ders from Limp Bizkit on a CD, which has a song on it's a comedy CD. But there's a song on it which is available on his website.

38:09 Pauly Shore It's called Looking for My Yoko. Yeah, he helped me produce it.

38:12 Adam Right. So how did you hook up with him?

38:13 Pauly Shore It was a sports and music festival. Yeah, MTV about two years ago. You were there once again? Memphis. It was Memphis. You were at that one?

38:23 Adam They invited us to all the big shindigs.

38:25 Pauly Shore All, yeah.

38:26 Adam Except for the Beach House and any other event they have.

38:28 Pauly Shore Yeah, and I knew Lethal for a while through House of Pain from a long time ago. And then I just met Fred there and we just hooked up and became friends and that was it. We just talk a lot and I don't know, we have the same sense of humor.

38:41 Caller Are you into like any of the other bands, like Korn or Cole Chamber?

38:47 Pauly Shore Yeah, I like all this stuff. I mean, I like the... It's just, you know, it's like, you know, Korn is very similar to what Nirvana did. When Nirvana first came on the scene, you know, there was all that kind of, or that heavy metal rock and then Nirvana came out and then after this whole thing and then Korn came out and they were kind of one of the first bands, not the first, but probably one of the first bands to start this whole kind of rap metal thing. So yeah, I like the music.

39:12 Caller And everyone's kind of like covering everyone else.

39:14 Adam Hey, Zane?

39:16 Caller Yeah, like the 80s. Man, that was a bad time.

39:18 Pauly Shore Zane.

39:19 Adam Zane, go back to the D&D game. I got to talk to Pauly. I got a question for him. Thanks for calling in.

39:26 Caller Oh, no problem, man.

39:26 Adam Take care.

39:27 Caller Later, thank you.

39:27 Adam All right. Speaking of bands and you've been working, I mean, you're young, but you've been working for 12 years or something like that. What bands have you opened up for over the years?

39:41 Pauly Shore Well, I went out with Fred for a while on this Family Values thing.

39:45 Adam Right. And that was also with Korn, right?

39:48 Pauly Shore Korn came out for a little. I wasn't there when Korn was there, but I was there.

39:51 Adam But I'm talking about-

39:52 Pauly Shore A while ago?

39:53 Adam Yeah. I mean, I'm talking about 92 or something. I mean, were there any good hair bands or anything?

39:59 Pauly Shore Oh, brilliant tour. This was a great one. It was Trickster. It was Warrant. And I think Poison. And I was like the host of the whole show. And I did my stand up between that. That was pretty clever.

40:13 Adam And here's the thing, too, is we're not talking about 1986. We're talking about-

40:17 Pauly Shore 92.

40:18 Adam 92. I mean, people forget about- see, people always do that. They think of the 70s. They don't realize-

40:25 Pauly Shore They think the 80s is just all heavy metal. No, the heavy metal stopped in like 93, 94.

40:31 Adam Right. I mean, you were out with Trickster and Warrant, and you were in the 90s.

40:35 Pauly Shore Right.

40:36 Adam And any other good bands? I mean, they could be good bands. They could be novelty bands. I mean, you must have opened or performed with a lot of bands.

40:45 Pauly Shore Who else did I do some stuff with?

40:47 Adam And by the way, isn't that painful to go out in front of like a huge crowd and open for a band that everyone's there, they want to see the band? You know what I mean?

40:57 Pauly Shore Well, you just kind of do their material. It's similar to probably your show, where you just kind of cater to that kind of lowest common denominator of humor.

41:07 Adam So if you're doing like a trickster crowd, would it be different than an Indigo Girls crowd, for instance, in terms of you?

41:14 Pauly Shore Well, the trickster crowd, you would talk about drinking beer and getting loaded, and the Indigo Girls would be more like, if anyone's seen Melissa Etheridge around, it'd be kind of like more the lesbian thing.

41:28 Adam Right, you'd be talking about playing golf and wearing Birkenstocks.

41:31 Pauly Shore Exactly.

41:32 Adam That kind of stuff. So any other-

41:34 Pauly Shore No, but a lot of stuff at Spring Break went down. There was a lot of bands.

41:39 Adam Oh, yeah.

41:40 Pauly Shore Remember when MTV spent a lot of money on Spring Break?

41:42 Adam Yeah, I just saw-

41:43 Pauly Shore Back in Daytona.

41:43 Adam I just saw a whole retrospective on all those big Spring Break bashes they had.

41:48 Pauly Shore That's where all the money went. If you want to know where the money went- Was in Spring Break.

41:53 Adam Okay.

41:54 Pauly Shore And that's where it was.

41:56 Adam We're speaking of breaks. Going to take a break. When we come back, Pauly Shore is here. We'll speak to- Do your job there, Drew. Point at the screen, would you please? You want to pick a call?

42:06 Drew Well, it was going to be- It was going to be this one.

42:08 Adam I'm sorry for making you sit up.

42:10 Drew No.

42:11 Adam I know how you did that.

42:12 Drew None of these are great sort of-

42:14 Adam I see.

42:14 Drew Teasers.

42:15 Adam More good radio. Drew has stipulated in his contract that he only has to sit up twice a show and once to go to the bathroom. All right. We'll speak to Kenny when we come back. He's 19. He says he hooked up with his stepmom while dad was out of town. There you go.

42:30 Pauly Shore That's a good one.

42:31 Adam We'll get to that after this.

42:32 Pauly Shore These are all movies by the way.

42:34 Adam Yes, they are.

42:38 Drew Loveline, Loveline, Loveline will be right back.

43:09 Adam It's a love line. Adam, that is Drew. Pauly Shore is our guest tonight. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Pauly's got himself a website, www.paulyshoer.com. You can check that out. You can hear the song we're talking about, which has a frog from Olympus.

43:29 Pauly Shore A lot of comedy on there, too.

43:30 Adam And a lot of comedy.

43:31 Pauly Shore Stand up.

43:32 Adam You'll see him on Nash Bridges this Friday. Also with Cheech and Yasmine and Don. And what are the producer's names? Should we work that into the commercial, too? Herb Wasselman, I think, is going to be worked in. All right. And also, if you want to have fun on New Year's, you can go to the comedy store and spend it with Pauly and some of his drunken friends. And the phone number, if you're interested in checking that out, is 656. That's a 323 area code, 656-6225. And if you miss the number, you can just call information, right?

44:11 Pauly Shore Yup. Tickets are 75. And you get a whole bunch of fun stuff.

44:15 Adam Well, you get one of those noisemakers.

44:17 Pauly Shore Of course. That's the best part about New Year's.

44:19 Adam That's 60 bucks right there.

44:21 Exactly.

44:22 Pauly Shore And it gets fatty and you throw it on people.

44:24 Adam Kenny, you're 19. So you hooked up with your stepmom?

44:28 Caller Kind of, yeah.

44:30 Adam What do you mean, kind of?

44:31 Caller Well, we didn't have sex or anything, but...

44:34 Pauly Shore How old are you?

44:35 Caller I'm 19.

44:36 Pauly Shore How old is she? Right.

44:39 Adam And what happened?

44:40 Caller Well, my dad, he works out of town.

44:45 Caller He does the construction deal, you know.

44:47 Adam So what did you do with her?

44:50 Caller He does like air conditioning systems or something.

44:53 Pauly Shore You did air conditioning with her?

44:55 Caller No.

44:56 Pauly Shore What did you do with her? How did this happen?

44:58 I thought you asked what my dad did.

44:59 Caller I'm sorry, my cell phone is cutting out.

45:01 Adam Tin knocker. Go ahead.

45:03 Caller Well, I was going to sleep one night, right? And she came in, not much was said.

45:07 Pauly Shore To read you a bedtime story?

45:10 Caller Well, kind of.

45:10 Caller It didn't quite go that way.

45:11 All right.

45:14 Adam Hey, you got Kenny?

45:15 Caller Yeah.

45:16 Adam Feel free not to acknowledge Pauly's comments so that we can move forward here. And Pauly, you can make the comments. I just mean you don't have to respond to all of them.

45:25 Caller Keep going, Kenny.

45:27 Adam Thanks. Keep going.

45:31 Caller So, I'm in my room, right?

45:34 Caller And she comes in. I'm like kind of sleeping on my stomach, starts rubbing my shoulders. I turn over and she comes down to kiss me.

45:40 Caller And I didn't really stop her, you know.

45:43 Pauly Shore Has this been a flirtatious thing that's been going on between you two?

45:46 Caller Not really.

45:47 Pauly Shore So, there's been no, like, no flirtatious, nothing happening at a know where she comes in and rubs your back. And this happens. You're not surprised at all?

45:59 Adam Kenny?

45:59 Caller Nothing really happened before. I can't say I'm totally not surprised. I don't know.

46:04 Pauly Shore Let's see.

46:05 Adam All right. But you didn't get...

46:06 Caller This is the first time a situation kind of, like, similar to this has happened to me before.

46:10 Adam Okay. You didn't get the vibe that she liked you before this.

46:13 Caller No, not really. Okay.

46:14 Adam So she rubs your back, turns over, you start kissing, then what?

46:19 Caller Well, things just kind of progress, and we never ended up having sex, but...

46:26 Pauly Shore She ejaculated you.

46:28 Caller Yeah.

46:29 Pauly Shore With her hand or her mouth?

46:31 Caller With her mouth.

46:32 Pauly Shore With her mouth?

46:33 Caller Yeah.

46:33 Pauly Shore Did you wear a condom?

46:35 No.

46:36 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy adolescent behavior. And Kenny, in a way, hold on, let me talk to Pauly and Drew for a second here. In a way, see, I look at that as even worse than having sex.

46:49 Pauly Shore It's like Fast Times or Ridgemont High's story.

46:52 Adam But isn't it, isn't it...

46:54 Pauly Shore It's kind of brilliant.

46:55 Adam Isn't it more offensive in a way that she just went in there and gave him a BJ in a certain sense? I mean, as if you were the dad, and I'm sure you'd be PO'd no matter what, but I'm just saying, in a way, it's slight, it's even more, it's like more, it's more of a statement. In a way, like I went in there and gave your son a BJ, what are you gonna do about it? So obviously-

47:16 Pauly Shore Yeah, it's a little harsher you're saying, actually having sex.

47:18 Drew Well, there's no relationship.

47:19 Adam Right. At least, the other way she could say, I fell in love with him, what am I supposed to do? Hey, Kenny?

47:25 Pauly Shore Yeah.

47:25 Adam So you're obviously not gonna tell your dad.

47:28 Caller No, I don't think that's gonna happen.

47:31 Pauly Shore Have you and her had conversations like the next morning at like Cheerios, did you guys talk about it?

47:36 Caller No, we barely say two words to each other at a time. I mean, I just kinda get out of the situation.

47:40 Pauly Shore Where do you live?

47:42 Caller In Salem, Oregon.

47:44 Pauly Shore That's what happens over there sometimes.

47:48 Adam Are you worried that she might say something to your dad?

47:52 Caller I don't think so.

47:54 Adam Okay, but she's obviously a pretty chaotic woman. Yeah. How long ago did this happen?

48:02 Caller About three weeks ago.

48:03 Adam And nothing's happened since?

48:05 Caller No, I'm not really home much anyway.

48:07 Drew Do you live in the same vicinity as them?

48:09 Adam I live in the same house.

48:10 Caller Yeah, I live in the same house as them.

48:12 Drew So Dr. Drew Loveline-

48:13 I'm never really home.

48:14 Adam Yeah, but listen, if he's out of town a lot and you eventually come home, something more would happen if she wanted it to.

48:21 Pauly Shore Well, if it hasn't happened in three weeks, it's not going to happen again.

48:24 Adam Right.

48:24 Caller Well, I've been kind of avoiding my house since-

48:26 Pauly Shore Yeah, even sleeping at your friend's house.

48:28 Drew Good instinct.

48:29 Adam Hey, Kenny, why don't you think about moving out full time?

48:32 Drew Right.

48:33 Caller Yeah, I'm already working on it.

48:34 Pauly Shore Run.

48:34 Drew All right, get that taken care of.

48:36 Pauly Shore Run, but get one more BJ before you go.

48:38 Drew No, just stay away from someone. Your poor dad's going to-

48:41 Adam Yeah.

48:41 Caller Me and my dad aren't close and all, but-

48:44 Pauly Shore Yeah, but I think you should just bail.

48:46 Drew If you really hate him, that's one thing.

48:48 Caller Oh, no, no.

48:49 Adam You're not close with your dad?

48:50 Pauly Shore No.

48:51 Adam But now you have something to talk about. I mean, it's sort of a bond, a love that you can share or at least a hobby.

48:56 Caller I don't think so.

48:57 Adam All right, Kenny, move out. Hey, Kenny, you're in Salem, Oregon?

49:02 Caller Yeah.

49:02 Adam Oh, is there what universities there? Lewis and Clark or Willamette?

49:06 Drew Willamette.

49:07 Caller All right.

49:08 Drew Why?

49:09 Adam I got recruited to play football. I think Willamette University, big school. It was like I had a choice. It was either go to Nebraska or Willamette.

49:18 Drew Nebraska was?

49:19 Adam No. Nebraska was not interested in me playing football. No.

49:22 Pauly Shore Did you play football?

49:23 Adam I played in high school. I got recruited by UC Davis, Marshall, who's now Marshall's like 11 and 0 this year. They're like in the top five.

49:34 Drew Where are they? What are they?

49:35 Adam I don't know what the hell they are, but they're undefeated this year. They're going to a bowl, Cal Poly Pomona, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, and Willamette. Yeah. All big football schools.

49:49 Drew You took that big choice of?

49:51 Adam I opted to stay local, go to Valley College, and then I realized there was too much money to be made cleaning carpets, so I went into that lucrative field. So that's a decision I stand by.

50:04 Caller Brian?

50:07 Adam Brian, you're 16.

50:09 Caller Can you hear me?

50:09 Adam Yes. What's up?

50:11 Caller All right. First I want to say, Pauly, you were great.

50:15 Drew Brian, you got 40 seconds. Go.

50:17 Caller 40 seconds. All right. Nine months ago, I met this girl at a dance, and I've been talking to her every other month, every month or so, at different dances. And just last Saturday, I got her phone number, and I was wondering when I should call her.

50:33 Adam You call her tonight.

50:35 Caller It's a little late.

50:36 Adam That's all right. You catch her off guard.

50:39 Pauly Shore So you're playing hard to get or something?

50:41 Drew You call her when you want to take her out.

50:43 Pauly Shore Yeah.

50:44 Caller Well, I can't drive yet.

50:45 Adam Do you live in the same city?

50:47 Pauly Shore Dude, if he's calling us right now to find out when he should call her. You're going to have some problems, bro. I mean, just call her.

50:55 Adam Call her. She likes you, Brian. Anytime.

50:57 Pauly Shore Anytime except for now is a bad time at 4 in the morning there. Whatever.

51:01 Drew Don't call now. Have a plan. You know, have a date in mind.

51:04 Pauly Shore Unbelievable.

51:06 Adam All right.

51:06 Drew Something not too threatening. Movie, coffee, something like that.

51:08 Adam That's right. And yeah, don't make the mistake I would make. Do not work. We've raped into the conversation. At all. Even if you're just talking about it as an example. Do not bring that up. All right. What did your dad rape you? We're going to take a little break. Pauly Shore is here. I'm going to rape Drew and then we'll be back after this.

51:27 Drew Let's have some more fun. Okay.

51:30 Caller Let's do it. Call Loveline 1-800-LOVE-191.

51:35 Caller Loveline will be right back.

52:08 Adam It's Loveline, we're going to take a quick 10-second top-of-the-hour timeout, and we'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

52:17 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

52:33 Adam All right, it is Loveline. That was 10 seconds. It was?

52:36 Pauly Shore It was right on the nose.

52:37 Adam And that is Dr. Drew, that's Pauly Shore. You're here speaking into the third mic. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191.

52:44 Pauly Shore How was that coffee that I got for you?

52:46 Adam Delicious, Pauly. Delicious.

52:48 Pauly Shore See how humble I am now?

52:49 Adam I'll tell you if this works out. I don't know what you do every night, about 9.30, 10 o'clock. Swing on by. I tip. If the service is right, I'm a tipper. Nash Bridges is where you can find Pauly this Friday, 10 o'clock on CBS with Cheech and Don, and any of the other cast members that may go by the first name. Also, Comedy Store for the New Year's celebration, a big bash, 75 bucks, and you get to run all through the Comedy Store.

53:24 Pauly Shore There's Ghost there too, which is cool, and you know they're coming out on the Millennium Party.

53:28 Adam How old is the Comedy Store?

53:30 Pauly Shore It used to be Seiros. Do you remember Seiros? Yeah. I mean, we're talking the 40s, right? 40s or 50s.

53:37 Adam But it was a restaurant, right?

53:39 Pauly Shore Seiros was a, what was it? It was like a- Yeah, cabaret. It had dinner and it was more of a show, you know, big band. They had type of stuff.

53:51 Adam Did your folks buy it or did they lease it?

53:54 Pauly Shore My mom bought it.

53:55 Adam Oh, I just would, do you have any idea? I mean, what year did she buy it? Do you know?

54:00 Pauly Shore She got a great deal.

54:01 Adam I know, because it's right in the heart of Sunset Strip. It's, you know, it's 14,000 square feet or something, you know, and she's going to tell you she bought it in 1961 for $3,700, and I'm going to like, like, berserk, but I mean, I, you can torture yourself with that math, but I think you could, I think anyone could do that whenever, right? I mean, can't they do that?

54:23 Drew As it, as it, no.

54:25 Adam But not in this area.

54:26 Drew As it pertains to real estate in this area, that was insanely.

54:29 Adam Right. Seriously, what, what year do you know?

54:32 Pauly Shore She, she got the store in 72.

54:34 Adam We're talking about the famous comedy store, right? It's pretty famous. Right in the heart of the Sunset Strip. So 1972. And the strip, see, and I'm thinking real estate on the strip would depend how or what was going on at the strip at the time. And I'm trying to think, I mean, it was pretty happening at 72.

54:54 Pauly Shore It's been, I mean, did you guys see the, I love the Eat True Hollywood stories. You guys ever watch that?

54:58 Adam Yeah.

54:59 Pauly Shore They had the Sunset Strip one.

55:00 Adam Oh, I didn't see that one.

55:01 Pauly Shore Brilliant. It was just brilliant. It showed the whole history of the Sunset Strip from, like, the 40s to now. And yeah, I mean, it really, you know, it really showed that whole history.

55:14 Adam But it was at its peak in 69, 68, I mean, you know, with all the doors and the whiskey and, you know, all that kind of stuff. And then do you think...

55:24 Drew That was alternative then. That was sort of back alley at that point.

55:27 Adam But when was it at its lowest recently? I mean, do you know what I mean?

55:31 Drew Everything was at its lowest in the 70s, okay?

55:33 Adam Or later, mid-later 70s.

55:35 Drew Here's the point.

55:37 Adam 1972, did you say?

55:39 Pauly Shore Yes, 1972.

55:39 Adam Do you have any idea what she paid for?

55:44 Pauly Shore I probably don't think that, number one, she'd probably want me to tell you.

55:48 Adam Right.

55:49 Pauly Shore You know, that's number one.

55:50 Adam Why not?

55:50 Pauly Shore I don't know, just because...

55:52 Adam Everyone thinks she's a genius, big deal, you know?

55:54 Pauly Shore I don't know. I mean, she didn't get it for a lot. Another thing is, I don't know exactly, so I don't want to say.

55:59 Adam What do you think it would be worth today?

56:02 Pauly Shore Now?

56:04 Adam Well, let's say tomorrow, this time.

56:06 Pauly Shore Tomorrow, about this time at night?

56:08 Adam Let's say a little earlier, about 10.

56:09 Drew Just the land, please.

56:10 Pauly Shore Yeah, the land.

56:11 Drew The land's got to be $15 million or something.

56:12 Adam Yeah, I mean, it's... $20 million, right?

56:15 Pauly Shore Yeah, it's pretty massive.

56:16 Adam It's pretty big. Yeah, it's pretty massive. You could put a high-rise hotel there.

56:20 Pauly Shore Yeah. Yeah, oh man. I actually want to do something in the main room and do like a home.

56:24 Adam Wait a minute, wait. Do you have any brothers or sisters?

56:26 Pauly Shore Yeah, I have two brothers and a sister.

56:28 Adam All right, you got to kill them. Kill them. Oh, could you imagine? You know, I swear, when my family kicks off, I'm getting a 71 VW Squareback.

56:39 Drew And a Vega.

56:41 Adam No, they sold the Vega. Jesus Christ. You get the Comedy Store.

56:46 Pauly Shore No, it's just, I mean, the thing is about the Comedy Store, unlike the other clubs, I mean, the Improv and there's the Laugh Factory, which are great clubs, but the Comedy Store's got this, I know it's like the Chinese Wax Museum of Clubs, it's got just this feel to it. It's like Rocky going back to the gym and it's got this aura about it that, even if you don't like comedy, you just want to check out a vibe, it's just got a really cool vibe there.

57:12 Adam Yeah, I mean, it's definitely a landmark. And I don't know, I mean, can the Chamber of Commerce say you can't tear it down and you can't put a hotel there? I mean, could they tell you that?

57:26 Pauly Shore It's her property, so I don't know.

57:28 Adam Would she go nuts if she...

57:30 Pauly Shore Oh, of course.

57:31 Adam If you did that? Yeah, she'd done that. All right, we'll wait till they go. Jennifer?

57:35 Caller Yeah.

57:36 Adam You're 16?

57:37 Caller Yeah.

57:37 Adam What's up?

57:39 Caller Okay, I like this guy and I've liked him since about last November.

57:43 Adam Oh, wait a minute, I just thought of something else that I'm going to get when my dad kicks off. He's got a Radio Shack, well, it's Tandy. It's one of those stereos that has the eight-track and the cassette built into the same with the turntable.

57:58 Drew We'll give you those.

57:58 Adam And the tuner.

57:59 Drew Those lace-up pants.

58:01 Adam Yes, those and the speakers where the wire is welded on to the speaker itself.

58:07 Drew It kind of coils in.

58:08 Adam Yeah, it goes in a hole in the back.

58:11 Drew Nice.

58:11 Adam The good stuff.

58:12 Drew And this nice canvas front on it.

58:14 Adam Yeah, that doesn't come off.

58:15 Drew Yes, yes, nice.

58:16 Adam Yes, we'll get some of those. All right, Jennifer, go ahead. I'm really licking my chops now.

58:20 Caller I'm really on the right side of things.

58:21 Adam Yeah, I'm really looking forward to this now.

58:23 Yeah, I can tell.

58:24 Caller Anyways, okay, so then I've liked him since about last November. And during the summer we were like together, not officially, but you know, we did boyfriend and girlfriend things. And then like about August or so, we just kind of stopped calling each other. It's not like we had this big break up where it's like, I hate you, I never want to talk to you again. We just stopped calling each other. And then school started and he just started making fun of me and stuff for like no reason. Like I'd say one old thing and he'd like laugh at me or something. But then just-

58:53 Drew Asshole. Thank you, Drew.

58:54 Caller Yeah.

58:55 Caller And then about, but then like a month or two ago, he started like sending these little hints to me, like mixed signal type things.

59:02 Drew Like what he's interested again?

59:03 Caller Yeah.

59:04 Caller Like, okay, for example-

59:05 Adam All right. Hey, listen.

59:06 Drew No, no, no, I don't hear the-

59:07 Adam Oh, who cares? Jennifer, stop yo-yoing with this guy. Stop playing along with him. Why are you so hooked on this guy?

59:14 Drew Some of this is age-appropriate though. Yeah. So what's the mixed signal?

59:18 Caller It's like, okay, we were sitting in English and he was like, you should have Heather have another party. I'm like, I know the last one was so much fun. He goes, well, I was at that one, but I was at Jason's, which was where we were messing around at. I go, yeah, I know. I was there too. He goes, yeah, I know. I'm like, okay. And then he's like, yeah, I'll bring my cards to Heather's next party. I'm like playing cards. And he goes, yeah. And I go, what for? And he's like poker. I'm like, what? And he goes, you know, like strip poker. I'm like, oh, okay.

59:45 Pauly Shore It's like a WB show.

59:47 Adam Let me yell at Drew for a second. Okay. You satisfied, jackass? So like, I'm going to Tim's for a party. And he said, yeah, I'm going to wear my red shoes. And then I said, and then he was like, and then I was all, I mean, please.

1:00:00 Drew Come on. Doesn't that somehow, isn't that a nice twist from the burnout?

1:00:04 Pauly Shore The thing is, she's confused.

1:00:07 Drew Nurses on the 7th Tour of Duty in Beirut that we hear from. They're 17.

1:00:11 Adam That's true.

1:00:11 Pauly Shore But she's just confused that why is this guy screwing with her head.

1:00:16 Drew Yeah. Look, she needs to make her wishes clear here. And if he is up for a relationship, then fine. If not, then it's time to move on.

1:00:26 Adam All right.

1:00:27 Drew That's reality.

1:00:28 Adam All right.

1:00:28 Pauly Shore I'm also one. I know when I was in high school, I used to do stupid things like that, too. Of course.

1:00:32 Drew The guy has done what they want.

1:00:33 Pauly Shore Oh my God.

1:00:34 Drew Please.

1:00:35 Adam I'm adding to my list of things my dad's going to leave me. I've realized I'm getting a dust buster and a seasoning container with tarragon in it. Just half a thing, but still usable.

1:00:47 Drew He gave you his paprika already, didn't he? Willed that to you.

1:00:51 Adam He gave it to a step kid. I don't want to bring it up. It's a tough story. Tiffany?

1:00:56 Drew Yeah.

1:00:57 Adam You're 15?

1:00:58 Caller I'm 15.

1:00:59 Adam Yeah. What's up?

1:01:01 Caller Well, I guess I should start off by telling you that when I was 8 and again when I was 13, my biological father raped me.

1:01:09 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:01:11 Caller Totally, completely. Happened to everybody, right?

1:01:13 Adam Everybody, yes. My dad wasn't radio shaggy.

1:01:16 Pauly Shore Biologically, is it a real deal?

1:01:18 Drew Yeah. A real dad.

1:01:19 Pauly Shore The real dad, wow.

1:01:20 Adam Did he- He had sex with you?

1:01:22 Drew Yes.

1:01:23 Adam Oh, boy. Where is he now, by the way?

1:01:26 Caller He was far away from me, cross country.

1:01:29 Drew Is he in jail?

1:01:30 Caller No. I never- Well, I told my mom, but she didn't believe me.

1:01:34 Drew She didn't believe you?

1:01:35 Adam Has he started a new family?

1:01:37 Caller Well, now I live with my stepdad and my mom and my real dad is had three different marriages in between.

1:01:44 Drew Great. All right.

1:01:45 Caller So he's kind of alcoholic, that type thing.

1:01:49 Adam I would have him put to sleep if I was in power.

1:01:51 Caller I've actually considered it, but never been able to go through it.

1:01:54 Drew All right.

1:01:54 Adam So now what happened with stepdad, who I don't trust because your mom picked him?

1:01:59 Drew Another wolf in the hen coop.

1:02:01 Caller Well, like, I don't know.

1:02:03 Pauly Shore Another wolf in the hen coop.

1:02:04 Caller What is that?

1:02:06 Drew Your mom picks guys that are- What? Your mom picks guys that are abusive a-holes, probably addict also, and brings them home to prey on their kids.

1:02:16 Caller Well, I don't know if it's that because she doesn't know. It's like, because when I was younger, I've lived with my stepdad since I was three. So, but when I was younger, we used to like, you know, we'd play around and like, we'd rough house and stuff.

1:02:26 Drew You and your stepdad?

1:02:27 Caller Yeah, me and my stepdad. And now he has lately been like, touching me in inappropriate areas, I guess.

1:02:35 Drew All right. So it's like I was saying, right?

1:02:37 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

1:02:39 Adam Your mom has a serious bend in her antenna. She has a lot of difficulty figuring out who to bring home and who not to bring home. And I know that something was done to your mother.

1:02:52 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:02:53 Adam Where's grandpa?

1:02:56 Caller I've never met my grandparents.

1:02:58 Drew Do you know if she ever talked about them?

1:03:00 Caller She hates them.

1:03:01 Drew Yeah. Imagine that.

1:03:02 Pauly Shore I love how Drew knows now exactly what it was. You know, like when this show first started, knew nothing about like how like what happened. You know what I mean? But now you know everything. Like where is it?

1:03:14 Adam Well, that was me, by the way. Drew gets credit for all the all the smart things that are said on this show, even if he doesn't say them.

1:03:21 Drew I think he's, you know what I'm saying? You're giving Adam credit for what's going on.

1:03:24 Pauly Shore That's what I meant.

1:03:25 Adam It's very predictable people's behavior.

1:03:28 Pauly Shore I know that you know though now, like it's just interesting.

1:03:31 Adam I know that there's no possible way that first off, I know that if your mom is hooked up with a guy initially, who's having sex with you, that the next guy she brings home is going to be creepy and do something too. And I know something was done to her.

1:03:44 Pauly Shore And another thing is when you're going through problems with guys, don't ask your mom for advice.

1:03:50 Drew We've got a more immediate problem at hand here, and that is, don't you think you should report your dad, your biological dad?

1:03:57 Caller Well, I've, like...

1:03:59 Drew Tiffany, he's going to go out and do this to other people.

1:04:01 Caller Well, Tiffany was like, I was younger. I basically blocked it out until...

1:04:06 Drew I understand, but I think it's important to report this.

1:04:08 Adam But now you know.

1:04:10 Drew Your mom is unhelpful. In fact, part of the problem here, a major part.

1:04:14 Adam All of the problem. I mean, I blame the guys for doing what they did, but your mom went out and brought them home.

1:04:20 Pauly Shore Yeah. And the fact that she doesn't believe you or doesn't...

1:04:23 Caller I think because it was when I was younger and then I didn't tell her about the fact.

1:04:27 Adam Well, what about...

1:04:29 Drew Report it. There's no statute on this. Report it.

1:04:31 Adam What about what's going on right now?

1:04:33 Caller Well, I don't know whether to tell my mom because I can't tell my mom because it would like...

1:04:37 Adam How inappropriate is this guy being? What is he doing?

1:04:40 Caller Well, he's touching me in my vaginal area and like kind of like...

1:04:46 Pauly Shore Does he know about what happened with your real dad?

1:04:50 Caller Yeah, but he was kind of with my mom and not believing me.

1:04:53 Drew I'm going to ask you a very delicate question and I don't... This is not me to make you feel responsible for this, but when you've been abused, it's easy to misinterpret what people are doing. Are you sure his intent is to stimulate or touch you that way?

1:05:06 Caller See, that's what I'm not sure of. I don't know if he's meaning to do it or if it's more of a...

1:05:12 Adam Or it's like, you know what your mom does when you have some egg on your face on the way to school? But with the vagina. There's something on your vagina. Let me get that. You lick the finger a little and then you just wipe. Hold still. No, it's the other side. No, I'll get it.

1:05:26 Caller Well, I don't know because I've had other problems with other...

1:05:30 Drew I understand.

1:05:30 Adam Well, wait a minute, Tiffany. But what Drew is asking, and you may not be able to answer this is, first off, if the guy is making any contact with that part of your body, there's no excuse for it.

1:05:42 Drew Yeah, but they're wrestling, she was saying.

1:05:44 Adam Well, no, when they were younger, they used to do this.

1:05:47 Drew Yeah, I know.

1:05:47 Adam The question is, is if you were watching a videotape of what he was doing to you and you could somehow get outside of the situation, would you say, hey, that guy is sexually molesting her or that guy is just sort of playing around with her?

1:06:04 Pauly Shore What would your analogy be on that?

1:06:06 Caller My analogy would probably be, that's totally wrong. I wish, you know.

1:06:13 Pauly Shore So you think he's really crossing the line?

1:06:15 Drew Be that as it may.

1:06:16 Adam We know he is because his mom brought him home.

1:06:19 Drew But he's contained himself for quite some time. That's kind of interesting. But look, here the deal is, you've got to report your biological dad. That will also put everyone on notice that you're prepared to stand up and not be a victim anymore.

1:06:28 Adam I understand that, but I still want to get back to here and now with stepdad. And when he does this, what do you do?

1:06:38 Caller Well, sometimes I'll just be kind of like, ew, don't do that, or maybe I don't say anything.

1:06:46 Drew You got to start speaking up, very important.

1:06:48 Pauly Shore Especially now, you're 15 now. Yeah, so you're old enough to really kind of-

1:06:53 Adam Speak up.

1:06:53 Pauly Shore You know what I mean? You're old enough to really take this thing on. You're almost 18.

1:06:59 Drew But she's been a victim her whole life. She's got to break that cycle of victimization.

1:07:02 Caller But I mean, if I tell them what's going to happen, because I don't want to go through- I had a friend that this happened to, and she had to go through the court deal, and everybody found out about it, and I don't want that to happen.

1:07:14 Adam Okay. Tiffany, we got to wrap this up. The first thing you need to do is be very firm with your stepdad.

1:07:20 Drew Yes.

1:07:20 Adam Stop it, or I'm going to my counselor's school, or I'm going to the authorities. Stop it.

1:07:25 Drew Yes.

1:07:25 Adam I will tell people with a bullhorn if you do anything again. That's A, number one. B, number two, is then talk to the authorities about your father and what he could possibly be doing. Ignore your mother and whatever wishes she has. She's screwed up. And C, don't get pregnant. Don't look at every man as daddy, and don't fall into that hole syndrome and become a porn star. Go lesbian, young lady.

1:07:48 Pauly Shore And also another thing is if your dad gets busted, maybe it will scare off your stepdad.

1:07:54 Adam Right.

1:07:54 Drew I just have, which is, That's right. That's what I think is going to happen. But I just realized a way to enlist Adam's help in my trying to sort of engage people with Tiffany's history to get help and to get better, lest they should become porn stars and that sort of thing. Because Adam in the past has been kind of ambivalent about that. He sort of thought that we might cause this steady flow into the porn industry to sort of dry up.

1:08:16 Adam I didn't, yeah.

1:08:16 Drew Yeah, but just think, but the value-

1:08:19 Pauly Shore He needs entertainment.

1:08:20 Drew But just think about the value of your collection. If that's it.

1:08:23 Adam That's true.

1:08:23 Drew Adam, that's it. That'll be the history of porn right there in your pocket.

1:08:27 Very good point.

1:08:28 Adam Yeah. I'll be like a guy with a couple of barrels of bathtub gin when probation setting.

1:08:36 Drew Yeah.

1:08:37 Pauly Shore So your analogy is basically girls that get abused and da-da-da-da-da become porn stars.

1:08:42 Drew That's not an analogy. That's the way it works.

1:08:43 Pauly Shore That's the fact.

1:08:44 Drew That's the way it works.

1:08:44 Adam Usually, that's the way it works. Well, Pauly, you've dated a few porn stars. You know there's a little history there, right?

1:08:50 Pauly Shore I'm trying to learn, so tell me about that.

1:08:53 Adam But you know there's some chaos there.

1:08:55 Pauly Shore Yes, they have a messy background.

1:08:58 Adam Yes.

1:08:59 Pauly Shore Scrambled eggs. That egg on your face stuff.

1:09:04 Adam Those of them who say, I'm just a college student and I just this and I just that. It's always nonsense. When you start exploring it, they ran away when they're 14. Stepdad was up to no good.

1:09:15 Pauly Shore You know who's really screwed up though? Can I just bring, because this is Loveline and this is a big problem in my house. My oldest brother, Scott. Here's the situation. He's 46 years old and he's dating a 20 year old girl. She was a stripper, tattoo, alcoholic girl, lives in a trailer and all that stuff. He's like this 46 year old bald Jewish man that lives in San Diego in La Jolla.

1:09:43 Drew He's daddy.

1:09:44 Pauly Shore Yeah, but I mean it's like he's the daddy and the lover. And now, you know.

1:09:50 Adam In his defense though, the trailer is inside of a house. She just chooses to actually live in the trailer.

1:09:57 Pauly Shore But you know what I'm saying? I mean what does that say about him though? Because it's not her, she's just who she is. Well, I mean the fact that he's fell like in a love situation with her and like.

1:10:09 Drew Well he's had some serious abandonment. You talked to me a little bit about it a few months ago. Is he an alcoholic or an addict?

1:10:14 Pauly Shore No, he's not.

1:10:15 Drew Has he been involved with other alcoholics or addicts?

1:10:17 Pauly Shore Yes, his past girlfriends have been alcoholics.

1:10:20 Drew So he's a fixer.

1:10:21 Pauly Shore Yeah, he loves to fix, that's his whole thing.

1:10:24 Drew So he's trying to rescue that.

1:10:24 Pauly Shore And plus he's bored in his life so it actually gives him something to do.

1:10:27 Drew Why is he bored?

1:10:29 Pauly Shore Well, because he's like a real estate guy. He just kind of works for himself.

1:10:33 Drew He also needs to grow up.

1:10:34 Pauly Shore Yeah.

1:10:35 Drew He needs to grow up and he needs to be a present adult in the present.

1:10:38 Pauly Shore So how is he gonna break this though?

1:10:43 Adam If he hasn't broken it at 46, I'm not sure if he's gonna break it. Has he done any therapy?

1:10:48 Pauly Shore I guess he's talking to a therapist, but I mean, he's in those six years.

1:10:52 Adam It takes a little while. Don't worry, we'll get a drifter to kill him so you can get that comedy store for yourself. Make it look like an accident. There's plenty of water over around San Diego.

1:11:02 Drew Those La Jolla are nice.

1:11:04 That's right.

1:11:07 Adam I did about this much stand-up comedy in my entire life and it never went well, but one of the times it didn't go well, I was at the, I guess, in La Jolla at the improv?

1:11:18 Pauly Shore Yeah, it's on Garnet.

1:11:20 Adam Yeah, there's a La Jolla. Yeah. I mean, sorry, there's a improv in La Jolla, and somehow I went down there to perform, and I said, it's great to be back, I love this town, I was brought up here, and I got to tell you, it's just great to be back in La Jolla, and the time I just went like.

1:11:40 Drew Were you serious?

1:11:41 Adam No, I was making a joke.

1:11:43 Pauly Shore I can't you say La Jolla down there, what's the big deal?

1:11:47 Adam They don't think of you.

1:11:47 Pauly Shore That's like going to San Francisco and calling it Frisco.

1:11:49 Drew I guess it's like, hey, no one's ever heard that joke before.

1:11:52 Adam They know you ain't a local when you pronounce it La Jolla. That's all. Kelly?

1:11:56 Caller Yeah.

1:11:57 Adam You're 15?

1:11:58 Caller Yeah.

1:11:59 Caller Well, first, Adam and Joe, you guys, I love you.

1:12:02 Adam Thanks.

1:12:02 Caller But Pauly, I have to be your biggest fan.

1:12:07 Caller I love you with all my heart.

1:12:09 Caller It's unbelievable.

1:12:11 Pauly Shore Thank you.

1:12:11 Caller Your best movie was Biodome.

1:12:13 Pauly Shore Thank you.

1:12:14 Caller Love that.

1:12:15 Pauly Shore Did you see the sitcom?

1:12:17 Caller On Fox.

1:12:18 Pauly Shore Yeah.

1:12:18 Caller Yeah, I watched that.

1:12:19 Pauly Shore Three people watched it. See, there you go.

1:12:22 Drew You were up here with the female lead that was up here with you.

1:12:24 Pauly Shore Oh, Charlotte, yeah.

1:12:25 Drew What happened to her?

1:12:27 Pauly Shore She's on a show on Showtime right now. Some drama.

1:12:30 Caller She's dating Paula Schwerling, her brother.

1:12:33 Pauly Shore Thank you.

1:12:34 When are you going to be doing some more stand-ups?

1:12:36 Pauly Shore I'll be actually at the Comedy Store this weekend, Friday, Saturday.

1:12:41 Caller Are tickets on sale or anything?

1:12:42 Pauly Shore Well, you're 15. You're a little too young. But if you want to get the Comedy CD, it's on the website.

1:12:49 Caller I'm getting that.

1:12:50 Adam www.pollyshore.com.

1:12:54 Caller Been there.

1:12:55 Adam And hey, Paula, let me just butt in here for a second. As far as booking yourself at the Comedy Store, do you just leave a note on the refrigerator or how does that work?

1:13:01 Pauly Shore No, I actually call up on Monday. It's just like everyone else and put in my times for the week.

1:13:06 Adam Oh, man. And how long a set will you do?

1:13:09 Pauly Shore I do about 20 to 30 minutes.

1:13:12 Adam Oh, that's too long. There's no commercials.

1:13:15 Pauly Shore That's the problem. There's always people there. Martin Lawrence was there this week. You know what I went to, which is just a quick little, just because he means a lot in the comedy world, is Richard Pryor. I just went to his birthday party last week, which was pretty amazing. He's got MS and he's 59.

1:13:35 Adam And he's not, is he, well, how is he doing? I mean, is he worse than he was three or four years ago?

1:13:42 Pauly Shore No, because he's not, well, first of all, he's so bad that he's not drinking and smoking anymore. Smoking crack? No, smoking cigarettes. But his mind, his eyes, I mean, if you talk to him, it's all there. But his bodily functions, well, you know, MS has just, it's killed him, I mean, as far as that. But I had a really interesting conversation with his wife Jennifer. I don't think they're really married anymore. But she lives with him and takes care of him. He's got two nurses and he's explaining the whole schedule of Richard. But she said in an interesting way that she thinks that MS saved Richard's life.

1:14:23 Drew From his cocaine and alcohol.

1:14:24 Pauly Shore Exactly. She goes, Pauly, I really think that this, she goes, what would he be doing if he wasn't doing? He'd have his mouth on a crack pipe or something.

1:14:37 Adam Or he'd wrap his car around a telephone pole or something.

1:14:41 Pauly Shore So in a way, I don't know.

1:14:42 Drew It's interesting that she needs this sort of impaired male to feel okay about him.

1:14:48 Adam Drew, that's interesting though. You could use that as a rehab technique. Just induce MS Induce MS in some of your chronic patients.

1:14:55 Pauly Shore Exactly.

1:14:56 Adam Save their lives. Okay. Duck tape them to a wheelchair and get them a couple of nurses. Pauly Shore is our guest tonight. We're going to take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Joe. He has an itchy rash on his butt. I wonder if it looks like Cartman from South Park after this.

1:15:15 Drew The Bantam Girl and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:15:45 Adam It is Loveline, the show that has begun. I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew. Pauly Shore is our guest tonight. www.paulyshore.com is where you can find a new CD of Pauly's work. Also, there's a song on there with Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit. Also, if you're not doing anything New Year's, you wanna have a good time, you can go down to the Comedy Store, see Pauly there with all his drunken porn star friends. Seventy-five bucks right in the heart of the Sunset Strip.

1:16:16 Pauly Shore We got champagne toast at midnight.

1:16:18 Adam And Noisemakers. Hold on, let me write that down.

1:16:22 Pauly Shore You're like visualizing how great it's gonna be.

1:16:25 Adam No, I mean...

1:16:25 Drew It's such a new idea.

1:16:27 Adam I've heard of popping the champagne 945, 10 o'clock, but not at midnight. People are pretty much turned in by that.

1:16:33 Pauly Shore Well, that's where I wanted to make my party different.

1:16:36 Adam You say, I have to go up to midnight, and then you celebrate?

1:16:39 Pauly Shore Yeah.

1:16:39 Adam And the Noisemakers come in when? We, we, we, we. At midnight, too?

1:16:43 Pauly Shore Yeah, at midnight.

1:16:43 Adam Okay, all right.

1:16:44 Pauly Shore It's all like within midnight, around that time.

1:16:47 Adam I just thought of something. It would be very interesting to be in the heart of the Sunset Strip at midnight on New Year's with the Millennium. It would be an interesting, it would be a good place to say you were. I think half the battle with this is saying where you were. You know what I mean?

1:17:09 Caller Yeah.

1:17:09 Adam People are going to ask this question in 20 years and saying you're in the heart of the Sunset Strip at a landmark place, that'd be worth 75 bucks.

1:17:18 Caller All right. There you go.

1:17:19 Adam You're ready to go back to the phones here, Drew?

1:17:20 Caller Yeah.

1:17:21 Pauly Shore Let's help people.

1:17:22 Adam That's right. Then get paid and go home. Joe, you're 20.

1:17:26 Caller Hey, guys.

1:17:26 Adam What's up?

1:17:27 Caller What's going on?

1:17:28 Adam What do you want?

1:17:31 Caller Okay. This question is for Drew. Yeah. I have some, I don't know what it is. It's some rash near my butthole. And it's like every time I wipe and after I take a poops, it's like it feels the greatest.

1:17:42 Pauly Shore Diarrhea.

1:17:43 Drew It feels like what?

1:17:45 Caller Huh?

1:17:45 Drew It feels like what?

1:17:46 Caller It feels the greatest.

1:17:48 Pauly Shore It feels the greatest?

1:17:49 Caller After wiping?

1:17:50 Pauly Shore Yeah. Have you washed it?

1:17:53 Caller I wash, yeah.

1:17:54 Pauly Shore You wash your butthole with the soap?

1:17:56 Caller Every day.

1:17:57 Drew So it could be a hemorrhoid, could be, you know, the general principle here is itchy?

1:18:03 Caller Yeah.

1:18:04 Drew Itchy. Yeah.

1:18:05 Pauly Shore Do you have a girlfriend? Yeah. Does she probe your rim? No.

1:18:09 Drew It's called pritis anii.

1:18:11 Pauly Shore What's it called? Pritis anii?

1:18:13 Drew Pritis anii.

1:18:14 Pauly Shore It's unbelievable that he knows all these little things.

1:18:17 Adam I know. Yet he doesn't know what direction his house is.

1:18:19 Pauly Shore Right. LAX is that way.

1:18:21 Drew It can be actually worms.

1:18:23 Adam Oh, boy.

1:18:24 Drew Right?

1:18:25 Adam Oh, yeah. You thought I had that once.

1:18:26 Drew You had it.

1:18:27 Adam I did not, please, worms in the box.

1:18:30 Drew It can be.

1:18:30 Adam Just because I drag my ass on the carpet every once in a while doesn't mean I got worms. Just feels good. That's all. And listen.

1:18:37 Drew It looks funny, though.

1:18:38 Adam I've come to the New invention. You know they have soap on a rope, you know? But what about cleaning the bunghole? What about soap on a stick?

1:18:45 Drew On a towel.

1:18:46 Adam Just on a stick. So you can really, really wedge it up in there. Oh, I see.

1:18:50 Drew On a probe.

1:18:51 Adam Soap on a probe. Yeah, I like that.

1:18:54 Pauly Shore Put some Vaseline on it tonight or something.

1:18:56 Drew Could be hemorrhoid. Could be things like fish.

1:18:59 Pauly Shore Have you looked at it? No, no.

1:19:00 Drew Somebody needs to look at it.

1:19:02 Pauly Shore Oh, I would not want to be that doctor.

1:19:04 Drew In the meantime, he could try some Anusol cream. And then look, one of the things that you're supposed to do is check for worms by putting a little scotch tape around the spot at night and come out at night.

1:19:15 Adam I leave a little cheese out there and see if there's any takers. Instead of tramp.

1:19:21 Pauly Shore Put some peanut butter on there.

1:19:23 Adam Oh, boy.

1:19:24 Pauly Shore That's always fun.

1:19:25 Adam Austin?

1:19:26 Caller Yeah.

1:19:26 Adam You're dirty.

1:19:27 Caller Yeah, I am.

1:19:28 Caller What's up, guys?

1:19:29 Adam Hey.

1:19:31 Caller This is for Drew. Ever since my last divorce, which was back in January, I have lost total interest in sex.

1:19:41 Drew So you're sort of off. It was a painful experience?

1:19:45 Caller Yeah, it was.

1:19:46 Drew All right, so you're off then?

1:19:48 Caller I didn't hear you.

1:19:48 Drew You're off women?

1:19:51 Caller No, not at all. The only time I find myself interested in sex, and I don't set out to do this, is when I get drunk, when I go out drinking.

1:19:59 Drew Are you an alcoholic?

1:20:01 Caller No, I don't believe so. No, not at all. I drink maybe like once, twice a month. But that's the only time I ever find myself interested in sex.

1:20:09 Drew Well, one of the things that alcohol does, it tends to anesthetize, or it allows us to escape certain kinds of feelings. And if it's a painful, sort of an aversive reaction you have to the idea of being of the woman, it's natural enough that when that gets suppressed, the more normal kinds of arousal mechanisms kick in.

1:20:27 Adam You masturbating regularly?

1:20:29 Caller Yeah, I've lost all interest in that too.

1:20:30 Drew All right. You're depressed, Austin. You're gay.

1:20:33 Caller Huh? I'm what?

1:20:35 Drew You're depressed.

1:20:35 Adam You're depressed.

1:20:37 Caller Okay.

1:20:37 Adam And possibly gay, you're true to your strength. All right. Well, listen, Austin.

1:20:42 Pauly Shore What?

1:20:42 Adam You got to get back on the horse, you really do. I mean, I know that sounds overly simplistic.

1:20:48 Caller No, I mean, I've had sex, you know, like...

1:20:51 Pauly Shore Have you gone out on any dates or anything? Well, let's just see if he's gone out on any dates.

1:20:56 Caller I haven't gone out on any dates. Just a few one-night stands.

1:21:00 Drew You're gay. You need some relationships.

1:21:02 Pauly Shore So you haven't gone out on any dates?

1:21:04 Caller Just a few one-night stands. No dates.

1:21:06 Pauly Shore Yeah, but one-night stands, does that mean you had sex with him?

1:21:08 Caller Yes.

1:21:09 Pauly Shore So then you are having sex.

1:21:10 Drew Yeah, but he's not having relationships.

1:21:12 Caller Yeah, the only time I'm interested in it is when I am. I don't have to be plastered.

1:21:18 Pauly Shore So have you?

1:21:18 Drew For him, getting back on the horse is him relating as a whole person.

1:21:22 Pauly Shore Right, of course. But if you've gone out on any dates, just normally, like you meet a girl say at the supermarket and you go out with her on a date. So try that. Just meet a girl somewhere sober at a coffeehouse or whatever. Go out on a date with her, get some chemistry going with her, and then see if you get horny.

1:21:39 Adam That's the answer.

1:21:40 Pauly Shore Right?

1:21:41 Adam Yeah, he's depressed and I always believe. I got to pull some hair out of my mouth, but hold on. I always believe that these guys that hate women, are turned off or have washed their hands with relationships or whatever, they're one good knockout date away from being back in the game. I mean, if you picked an attractive woman who was sweet and good-looking and sent her his way and they went out on one decent date, he'd be right back in it. Don't you think so? The problem is you get depressed, you're hurt, you stay home, you get more depressed, and then women smell that loser stink on you, they don't come near you, and you keep spiraling down. And the only way, and I speak from personal experience, to rectify that situation is to get a radio show.

1:22:31 Pauly Shore Are you in a relationship? Are you in a relationship? You have a girlfriend or a wife?

1:22:34 Adam Are you married? No.

1:22:36 Pauly Shore You're married?

1:22:36 Adam No, I'm not.

1:22:37 Pauly Shore So you don't have a girlfriend?

1:22:38 Adam Well, I just ended a relationship a few months ago.

1:22:41 Pauly Shore How long did you go out with her for?

1:22:43 Adam Three years.

1:22:44 Pauly Shore Three years? Yeah. How do you feel about that? Little bitter, little cool, a little what? I mean, what happened?

1:22:51 Adam I just didn't want to get married was basically the way it worked out. And you know, it's like, I'm just kind of numb, I guess.

1:22:59 Pauly Shore Numb from it?

1:23:00 Adam Yeah, not pissed off, not bitter, not angry.

1:23:03 Pauly Shore And she wanted to get married?

1:23:05 Adam Yeah.

1:23:05 Pauly Shore She did. She was like, she wanted to step up to the next level and get into it. Right, right.

1:23:10 Adam That was, what's your situation?

1:23:13 Caller Uh.

1:23:15 Adam Is it bad?

1:23:16 Pauly Shore No, it's not bad.

1:23:17 Adam Drew, please, with the allegations.

1:23:20 Pauly Shore No, I've been in a relationship with a girl for a little over a year, and we've been like on again, off again for a while.

1:23:26 Adam Are you going to get married?

1:23:28 Pauly Shore I'd like to, probably, some day.

1:23:30 Adam That was my answer.

1:23:33 Caller And what happened?

1:23:34 Adam Well, it was a hypothetical some day that would never come, you know.

1:23:38 Pauly Shore Right.

1:23:39 Adam I mean, you might as well just go.

1:23:40 Pauly Shore Why didn't she want to? He's, Drew's married, he's very happy, he's got kids, he's got a beautiful wife. What is it? Are you, are you?

1:23:48 Adam I personally think.

1:23:49 Pauly Shore Are you a Jew lost in a city of goyems? Is that what's happening?

1:23:52 Adam No, no. I just, I grew up in the valley, that's part of my excuse. I think marriage and your thoughts on marriage come a lot from just sort of your own family. I mean, I don't want to pass, I don't want to make excuses.

1:24:06 Pauly Shore So your family's not together?

1:24:08 Adam Oh, no, no. My parents had like a horrible relationship. And I noticed people whose parents had a good relationship being much more likely to get-

1:24:18 Pauly Shore Abtuned for marriage.

1:24:20 Adam Much more apt to get married. Yes. And I didn't have that role model. And Drew did have that role model. He's still sad he got married. And Pauly, you didn't- I mean, your parents are broken up. Yeah.

1:24:35 Pauly Shore Raised by comics.

1:24:36 Adam They broke up- how old were you when they got divorced?

1:24:39 Pauly Shore I don't know. I was young. I was like three or six or something like that.

1:24:41 Adam So you didn't exactly have that template to go off of either?

1:24:44 Pauly Shore No.

1:24:44 Adam It's not an excuse, but it's sort of a factor.

1:24:47 Drew Yeah. You never underestimate the impact of modeling. The modeling, the parents' behavior.

1:24:53 Adam Well, that's part of the deal. I want to date models. So I agree.

1:24:56 Pauly Shore So you're going to come to my party then?

1:24:58 Adam That's right.

1:24:58 Drew You just hung up on the girl you- Oh, yeah.

1:25:00 Adam I did? What'd I do?

1:25:01 Drew Well, she's gone.

1:25:02 Adam What happened? What was her problem?

1:25:04 Drew What was the problem again? I was just hoping it wasn't number three.

1:25:08 Adam Well, how important would it have been?

1:25:09 Drew This one was somebody sleeping with her brother's best friend and she was pregnant.

1:25:13 Adam Kelly?

1:25:14 Caller Hello, yes.

1:25:15 Adam You're 24?

1:25:16 Caller Yes.

1:25:16 Drew Kelly was supposed to be the teaser for the-

1:25:18 Adam Huh? All right. Well, what's up, Kelly?

1:25:20 Pauly Shore What's up is I'm very frustrated because I haven't been able to have an orgasm with a person in over two years and I've given up on sex totally and I'm going on like six months but my frustration level is exceeding the normal human being. I think I'm very irritated because of it.

1:25:38 Adam Yeah. That's attractive.

1:25:42 Pauly Shore I hide it from normal people.

1:25:44 Adam Oh, sure.

1:25:44 Drew Normal people, Adam.

1:25:46 Pauly Shore How old are you?

1:25:47 Pauly Shore 24.

1:25:48 Pauly Shore And have you had an orgasm before?

1:25:50 Pauly Shore Yes.

1:25:50 Drew You have with people?

1:25:51 Pauly Shore It requires a lot of like oral stimulation.

1:25:55 Pauly Shore Do you know how to make yourself have an orgasm?

1:25:58 Pauly Shore Yes, I can.

1:25:58 Pauly Shore So have you been making yourself have an orgasm lately?

1:26:01 Pauly Shore Yeah, but it's not the same.

1:26:02 Pauly Shore It's not the same. You need the tongue in there.

1:26:04 Pauly Shore Yeah.

1:26:04 Pauly Shore Correct. And where do you live?

1:26:06 Pauly Shore I live in Poway.

1:26:07 Pauly Shore Poway. Is that an oral city, Drew?

1:26:10 Adam That's in Hawaii somewhere, isn't it?

1:26:12 Pauly Shore No, Poway.

1:26:14 Adam Where's Poway?

1:26:14 Pauly Shore It's like a little bit northeast of Miramesa.

1:26:17 Adam Oh, okay. Down Miramesa Way.

1:26:19 Pauly Shore So you got to get with it. First of all, you got to get- Wait, wait, wait.

1:26:22 Drew What state is that in?

1:26:23 Pauly Shore It's around here.

1:26:24 Pauly Shore It's in San Diego. Well, it's right next to San Diego.

1:26:26 Pauly Shore So your last boyfriend, was he oral?

1:26:29 Pauly Shore Yes, he was.

1:26:30 Pauly Shore And did he know what he was doing?

1:26:31 Pauly Shore Yeah. I trained him.

1:26:32 Pauly Shore Okay. So you're like-

1:26:34 Adam All right.

1:26:34 Pauly Shore Hold on. She's like a zookeeper.

1:26:36 Adam We got to- Yeah.

1:26:36 Pauly Shore Look how crazy. She's so fanatic.

1:26:39 Adam It's great. If he does good, she tosses him a saltine. It's great. Hold on a second, Kelly. We got to take a break. All right.

1:26:50 Pauly Shore Okay. Hold on.

1:26:51 Adam And maybe we should try to hook her up with your brother, Pauly. I mean, she's out in that area.

1:26:56 Pauly Shore Exactly. La Jolla.

1:26:57 Adam Yeah. Hang on a second there, Kelly. Okay. We're going to take a break and then we'll figure out. Kelly's kind of angry. Very angry. We'll get to the bottom of that after the break. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Pauly Shore is our guest tonight. Tomorrow night, Natalie Ritano will be in here from VIP.

1:28:00 Pauly Shore She's the short haired girl.

1:28:02 Adam Yes, very sassy. Wait a minute, Pauly, you're on VIP, weren't you?

1:28:05 Pauly Shore I was on there once, yeah.

1:28:07 Adam I think I saw you on there. Yeah, it makes it around.

1:28:10 Caller Yeah.

1:28:11 Adam Nash Bridges coming up this Friday, the website www.paulyshore.com and of course, the New Year's Eve party at the Comedy Store. So let's get back to the phone. So Kelly.

1:28:25 Pauly Shore So we're on the phone. We should recap what the situation is.

1:28:28 Adam That's good radio. Kelly's 24. She hasn't had an orgasm with a person in two years. She's angry. Now why are you angry at men?

1:28:39 Pauly Shore I'm not angry at men. I'm just frustrated.

1:28:43 Drew She's just angry with her performance.

1:28:46 Pauly Shore Wait, okay, you trained the first guy, correct?

1:28:49 Pauly Shore Um, yes.

1:28:50 Pauly Shore Okay, have you had a boyfriend since then?

1:28:51 Pauly Shore No, and I think that could be part of it.

1:28:53 Pauly Shore Well, that's obviously part of it. Are you having one night stands?

1:28:55 Pauly Shore No, like I said, I gave up because those are not satisfying to me.

1:28:59 Pauly Shore Okay, well, once you do get a boyfriend, whenever that happens, let's see if he knows what he's doing.

1:29:05 Drew She can train him.

1:29:07 Pauly Shore And if he doesn't know what he's doing, then she trains him.

1:29:10 Adam Hey, Kelly, Kelly.

1:29:11 Drew She's a little pokeball.

1:29:14 Adam Where's your dad?

1:29:15 Pauly Shore My dad is at home with my mom. They're together, but it's not all a good scenario. I know what you're trying to get at. There was something that happened to me that pretty much, I think it has a lot to do with that.

1:29:26 Drew What happened?

1:29:27 Pauly Shore I was gang raped when I was 15.

1:29:29 Adam Okay, perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:29:32 Drew Have you been treated for that?

1:29:33 Pauly Shore Yes, I've been in therapy for years.

1:29:35 Drew All right.

1:29:36 Adam All right, but I would have a little resentment toward men too if I was gang raped. I don't like guys, by the way, and I haven't been gang raped. Not yet. And what happened with the gang rape? I mean, was it a totally random act?

1:29:51 Pauly Shore Well, I was 15 and I ran away from home. And I was looking for a place to live.

1:29:55 Drew Was somebody physically abusing you in the home?

1:29:58 Pauly Shore Yeah, my dad was.

1:29:59 Drew He was beating the crap out of you.

1:30:00 Pauly Shore Well, he was trapping me around a lot, yeah.

1:30:02 Adam So other than the physical abuse and the gang rape, you have no reason to hate men?

1:30:07 Pauly Shore No, pretty, yeah.

1:30:09 Adam Yeah. All right. Listen, Kelly, keep going with the therapy.

1:30:14 Pauly Shore Okay.

1:30:15 Adam And so what and how many guys gang raped you?

1:30:18 Pauly Shore There were like five of them.

1:30:19 Adam Curious. And this is a place that you kind of crashed out at when you ran away?

1:30:24 Pauly Shore I was under the influence of something that I didn't know. They put in the weed.

1:30:27 Adam Oh, boy. And did you ever report them or anything?

1:30:30 Pauly Shore No.

1:30:31 Pauly Shore Were you aware that they were doing it or were you out of it?

1:30:33 Pauly Shore I kind of was out of it, but when I came to, I came to every couple of minutes and I realized there was a different person.

1:30:38 Pauly Shore You came to? Yeah. You orgasmed when they were doing it? What? No, when I woke up.

1:30:44 Pauly Shore When I woke.

1:30:45 Adam None came also. Yeah.

1:30:48 Pauly Shore No, I didn't. I'm sure I didn't.

1:30:49 Adam That was like the late 80s for Pauly. It's every once in a while he'd come to and be on top of somebody.

1:30:55 Pauly Shore Hey, Pauly, how's it going?

1:30:56 Pauly Shore Good. How are you?

1:30:57 Adam Pretty good. Hey, Kelly, stay with that therapy, baby, because you come from a place that's going to give you some issues with guys.

1:31:08 Pauly Shore Yeah, you got a little tweaked past.

1:31:10 Adam You're real sane for someone who's been through what you've been through.

1:31:13 Drew She's coming on to Pauly.

1:31:14 Adam But please don't worry about satisfying a guy or having a guy satisfy you, and just therapy, therapy, therapy. Oh my God. I was like, you're a little angry toward men? No. Dad beat the crap out of her, gang raped. I mean, listen, why would you blame her?

1:31:34 Drew No.

1:31:34 Adam I mean, when you're five and you almost drown in a pool, you don't want to go near water. Everyone understands that. I mean, you don't argue with that, do you? It's like, no, you almost died. You were traumatized. I can see that. But imagine if there was a pool sitting next to you on the bus, and a pool you had to work with, and a pool that was everywhere. Oh boy. Jacqueline?

1:31:59 Drew Yeah?

1:32:00 Adam I don't, you know, if the pool was on the bus, it'd have to be one of those kiddie pools. You can get a full size cement pool to a bus. No, it'd be a smaller one.

1:32:08 Drew The image is interesting.

1:32:10 Adam Right. There's a pool next to me on the bus. Where did the pool get, and could the pool stand up if it was crowded? All right. Jacqueline?

1:32:18 Caller Yeah.

1:32:19 Adam You're 19.

1:32:19 Caller What's up?

1:32:20 Caller I'm calling, like a year and a half ago, I was dating a guy, and he died in a car accident.

1:32:26 Drew How old was he?

1:32:29 Caller He was, it was when we were seniors in high school. He was 18.

1:32:34 Pauly Shore Were you with him?

1:32:35 Caller No.

1:32:36 Caller The night that he was in the accident, we were supposed to be together, and we got into a fight, and I was with another guy, and he was in the accident.

1:32:45 Drew What do you mean with?

1:32:47 Caller Friends of his. Oh, well, I was...

1:32:52 Pauly Shore You had sex with him?

1:32:53 Caller No, I didn't have sex with him, but...

1:32:55 Adam You were cheating.

1:32:57 Caller I wasn't, I don't know.

1:32:58 Adam Well, yeah.

1:32:59 Caller I guess I was cheating.

1:33:00 Adam You weren't hanging out with the guy. You were making out with the guy, right?

1:33:03 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:33:04 Pauly Shore And did he, did your boyfriend guy that got killed, did he say screw off, and then he just took off on a rampage, and that's when he got killed?

1:33:11 Caller No, no.

1:33:11 Pauly Shore It didn't end like that, or?

1:33:12 Caller It was the last day of school, and there was a big party, and, I mean, he made me mad, so I didn't want to go to the party, so I went home, and a friend of mine that was in town called me, and we went out.

1:33:27 Drew Was he drinking at the time?

1:33:30 Caller My boyfriend. Yeah.

1:33:32 Drew So he was drunk driving.

1:33:33 Caller No, he wasn't driving.

1:33:35 Pauly Shore Someone else.

1:33:35 Caller The driver was.

1:33:36 Drew Was the driver drinking?

1:33:37 Caller Yeah, he was drinking.

1:33:38 Pauly Shore So you're...

1:33:39 Adam Well, we can never get straight to anything on this show, can we? All right. So Jacqueline, and now you're guilt ridden, I hope?

1:33:45 Caller Oh, yeah. I'm very.

1:33:47 Pauly Shore And it's been a year and a half.

1:33:51 Caller And I swear that I was in love with this guy.

1:33:54 Adam You were?

1:33:55 Caller Yeah.

1:33:55 Adam Why were you making out with the other guy then?

1:33:58 Pauly Shore She was being a kid. Huh?

1:33:59 Pauly Shore I was angry.

1:34:01 Drew All right. So what's going on now? What do you need from us?

1:34:03 Adam I don't buy that completely.

1:34:05 Drew No, no. What do you need from us? What can we do to help?

1:34:07 Caller Well, I mean, like, I don't know if it's healthy. I mean, I'm still really emotional. It's been a year and a half. I cry constantly. I've been, I mean, on antidepressants. I've been in counseling. I have a hard time talking about it.

1:34:24 Adam Let me suggest something here for a second. This is definitely a traumatic experience. There's no, I don't want to discount it at all. On the other hand, and I think everyone does this, after you break up with someone or after tragedy, you start to build up the person and the relationship into something maybe more than it was. I mean, you were boyfriend and girlfriend. You don't wish this upon anyone. You feel guilty. That's fine. But the reality is you're making out with another guy. How thoroughly in love were you with this guy? And maybe you're torturing yourself in making this relationship into more than it actually was. I mean, you were fighting. You went out with another guy. I mean, how in love were you? How long did you go out with him?

1:35:12 Caller Well, I don't know. It was probably like nine months.

1:35:16 Pauly Shore All right.

1:35:17 Caller Our relationship was ending.

1:35:18 Adam Or is it six months?

1:35:19 Drew Yeah, what do you mean probably like nine months?

1:35:22 Caller Well, I don't know. I'm not really the type of person that keeps, I mean dates.

1:35:26 Adam Oh, yeah, you do. You know what happened when this happened.

1:35:30 Drew Did you start at the beginning of your senior year or the beginning of your journey?

1:35:32 Caller Well, it was, I don't know, we started, I don't know, it's probably at the beginning of-

1:35:41 Adam Listen, hold on. You're not 48 years old looking at a yearbook right now. You graduated-

1:35:46 Caller I'm trying to think. I don't know. I mean, I don't keep track of dates.

1:35:50 Drew When did you start?

1:35:51 Caller We started hanging out. We were friends. When?

1:35:53 Drew When did you start dating? What time of year?

1:35:55 Caller In 98. Oh, in 90. At the end of 97. The beginning of the school year.

1:36:01 Drew The beginning of the school year. So it was a nine month thing.

1:36:06 Caller But, I mean, like, he was going away. I was going away to school. He was going to Norway.

1:36:14 Drew So the relationship was going to end anyway.

1:36:16 Caller It was going to end.

1:36:17 Drew But here's the reality also.

1:36:18 Adam I think heaven is Norway, by the way, anyway, so he may have made it.

1:36:23 Drew It's always a shock when a young person dies. And it is an incredible shock for young people who have a sense of invincibility and grandiosity that when that is pierced, it can be quite shocking and devastating to them. So there's a lot of levels to this. It's a major loss. And it's a major sort of defensive breakdown that they have to acknowledge their reality. But you have to ask yourself about this. And you should mourn this. And it should feel bad. It's just one of those things that has to. But what are you getting out of hanging on to this? What are you proving about yourself? Why do you need to hang on and hang on?

1:36:58 Adam And why?

1:36:59 Drew What do you get out of that?

1:37:00 Adam Why are you maybe making it into even more than it was?

1:37:05 Drew Does it make you a better person? Do you really believe that you factored into his death? And by punishing yourself longer, you proved yourself that you're okay. You really are a good person. You didn't kill him, which you didn't.

1:37:19 Pauly Shore You should forgive yourself, first of all.

1:37:22 Adam Absolutely.

1:37:22 Pauly Shore You just forgive yourself and...

1:37:25 Adam And it's just time and it's counseling. And the more you get on with your life, the less you're going to focus on his life.

1:37:34 Pauly Shore You got to hit your bottom. I mean, you seem to have hit it. You can't keep going down and down and down because you got to move on.

1:37:41 Drew But what do you get out of hanging in this way?

1:37:43 Adam Tim?

1:37:44 Caller Yes.

1:37:44 Adam Well, listen, when you're depressed and life isn't going that well in general, it can all get funneled into one department. Tim, you're 24. You say a friend of yours got arrested for trying to attack Pauly?

1:37:57 Caller Yes. I have that story and one quick question. I'll make it fast. Pauly, in 96, you released Pink Diggly Diggly and we went to the show in Portland, Oregon at Comedy, whatever that store is right down there. Anyway, one of my friends, a group of friends got in the show before me. You did two shows and one lady was like totally coming on to you and everything. I think her boyfriend got lippy and got tossed out of the show. That same show, I was dating a girl that actually was very close to becoming my girlfriend and she got backstage with you, dude, and like with a bunch of other people, nothing happened. But we ended up actually not talking after that, but she ended up being kind of a flounder. So I owe you one. Okay, thanks, man. Anyway, now for my question. Dr. Drew, my girlfriend made the correlation that I'm having trouble climaxing during my basketball league nights or any time that I'm athletic. So when I get done, we come home or we try and be sexually active and I have trouble climaxing.

1:38:52 Adam Yeah, because you've been running a full court game for two hours.

1:38:55 Pauly Shore You should be massaging you.

1:38:56 Adam You got nothing left in the calf muscle, which is the key. That's what I use to push the semen out of my penis. I use my left calf muscle. So you used it up on the court. You left your game out on the court. That's all. And that's the way you should play the game, right, Drew?

1:39:10 Drew Yes, I am.

1:39:11 Adam Thank you.

1:39:14 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:39:47 Adam Oh, okay.

1:39:48 Pauly Shore I'm in that Twilight Zone thing.

1:39:51 Adam Natalie Ritano from VIP in here tomorrow night, 311 in here on Wednesday night. Pauly Shore, leaving. Thanks, Pauly.

1:40:01 Pauly Shore Thanks, guys.

1:40:04 Adam www.paulyshore.com, find out all the stuff he's doing in Nash Bridges this weekend with Cheech and Yasmeen. And what's the car's name?

1:40:11 Pauly Shore Don.

1:40:11 Adam You know what the car's first name is?

1:40:13 Caller My mother.

1:40:13 Adam I can work that in. All right, so until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Well now.

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Monday, December 13, 1999