Episode 1000754887726

5:17 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

5:24 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

5:28 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

5:30 Voiceover Loveline.

5:33 Adam Nate, oh boy, I'm loud tonight. It is Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4, 4455, Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is Tonic. Jeff Russo, Emerson Hart, and Dan Laver both are all here, I should say, from Tonic, who we haven't seen in, they say two years.

6:00 Tonic Yeah, two years.

6:01 Drew It's been that long? That's incredible.

6:03 We were on the TV show with you, though, like a year and a half ago.

6:06 Adam Now that makes more sense.

6:08 Tonic That was actually three years ago.

6:10 Adam Was it?

6:11 Drew That screws us all up again.

6:12 Adam Now we're back to where we started.

6:14 Tonic I'll just speak the truth.

6:16 Adam I'll be honest with you. I've talked about this before, and I think, Drew, you work this way yourself. We have so many guests on the TV show, and we have so many guests on the radio show, that I never have a clear picture in my head of any of them, except for John Popper from Blues Traveler.

6:34 Drew Because he's so big, you can't miss him.

6:36 Adam He's taken up most of the room in there. There's not room for a lot of other acts in my head. But all I have is a feeling. It's awful. And here's how it works. If someone brings up the band Black Grape, I go, ooh. I have a little reaction. I can feel my ass pucker a little bit. But I don't know why. And when they bring up Blur, I get a little more pucker. I couldn't tell you anyone in the band. I couldn't tell you how long ago they were on the show. But I get a little pucker.

7:04 Drew The experience was going.

7:06 Adam But when I heard Tonic was coming in tonight, I went, ah. I didn't go, ooh. It was just a vibe. Just remember Tonic couldn't tell you when they were on the show last. Couldn't tell you anything other than I got an ooh out of Tonic. So let's not ruin the ooh. It's basically what I want to say. Sugar is the name of the newest CD. And they will be also found on Conan O'Brien on the 16th, which is Thursday night, which is cool. And just finished the tour with the Goo Goo Dolls.

7:47 Tonic Yeah, that was a lot of fun.

7:48 Adam I got an ooh off those guys too, not a pucker.

7:51 Yeah, they're great guys.

7:52 Drew Last time I saw the Goo Goo Dolls was on that HBO Taxi television series.

7:56 Oh yeah, the keyboard player.

7:58 Drew Did you see that?

7:58 No, but I heard about it.

8:00 Adam Drew was telling me about that last night. How'd that go?

8:03 Drew I love that TV show. I think that's real TV. That's my idea of a good television show. Right, and there he is just after an event with some woman he picked up out of the audience.

8:11 Tonic Yeah, that would be the keyboard player from the Goo Goo Dolls right there.

8:15 We call him the Grinch.

8:16 Adam That is, what did he steal?

8:19 Drew No, he just looks like the Grinch. You've seen him, you know why.

8:23 Adam He's awesome. He stole the virginity. All right, so let's not get mired in the-

8:29 Drew I think it was Wendy who he was with.

8:32 Adam From Blowville. It was right next to Whoville. Just a stone's throw away from Whoville as Blowville.

8:38 Tonic A little known town of.

8:40 Adam Yeah, but if you're going to stop for directions, you stop in Blowville. Right. All right, so Tonic, what the hell else do I have to say to Tonic? Conan, CD, we'll hear some off the CD. Well, the tour's done, right?

8:53 We'll go back on the road in January.

8:55 Tonic Yeah, we have to go to Europe first for a while.

8:56 Adam Yeah. Will you go with somebody when you go back on the road? Are we headline your own tour? How's it going to go?

9:03 I think we're going to be going out with somebody else.

9:06 Tonic Yeah, we're not really quite sure. We don't really talk about it because we don't know if it's going to go through or not, so we don't want to change it.

9:13 Adam Does it work this way that if certain bands say, hey, you want to go out with us, you couldn't be happier, and if other bands say you want to go out with us.

9:20 Tonic We go, ooh.

9:21 Adam You go, ooh.

9:22 Tonic We go by ourselves.

9:23 Adam Or there are other bands who you have in mind to go out with you, who you try to contact?

9:28 Tonic It works both ways. I mean, we really won't go out with anybody we don't like. I mean, it's not worth it. I'd much rather go out and play smaller clubs if you're going to be with a jerk that's not worth it.

9:38 Adam And what about Europe? How long is that tour going to go?

9:41 Tonic Just a couple of weeks. It's mostly press. What we do is we go over first, we do press and acoustic shows here and there, and then we go back and tour after that.

9:50 Of course, we don't eat for that entire two weeks.

9:52 Tonic Yeah, it really stinks.

9:54 Adam And is Tonic bigger in Germany than they are in France?

9:58 Tonic Well, yes. As a matter of fact, we are. I think you nailed that right on the head. I think ever since my Lance Armstrong comments, we won't be going back to France anytime soon.

10:08 Adam The writer?

10:09 Tonic Yeah.

10:09 Adam Yes.

10:10 Tonic All right.

10:10 Adam So you tried to catch Drew up with that. Thank you. All right. I had a few beers at the party that night.

10:16 Drew You were just saying he was with Brooke Shields. You didn't tell the audience this.

10:19 Adam Brooke Shields accosted me at the party.

10:21 Drew Really? Nice.

10:22 Adam Yes, she did.

10:23 Drew She's single now.

10:24 Adam Well, she is, but she was with a date.

10:26 Drew Yeah. Imagine that. I bet she's one of those that she can't get a date.

10:30 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love it. My favorite part of the Barbara Walter interview with the supermodel is how they were awkward and shy and a bit of a tomboy, and never got dates. Not in high school, which is much different than with the truth.

10:47 I love the one where they say, I can't get a date now because everybody is too afraid.

10:52 Adam Yeah, they're standoffish. You're too beautiful. My analogy for that is, and they do, they go, well, I'm six foot and I got the jugs out to here and I got a tight ass and I'm stunning, so guys don't approach me. They're intimidated. I say that's true for 5% of the male population, but the other 95% are coming at you with like underpants around their ankles and if you got the 5% drunk, they'd come too. Here's the analogy I always use with that. If you took a brand new 1999 Porsche 911 and put it in the Recycler for $100 and it's a brand new, right out of the factory, never been driven, never been crashed, mint condition, $100, there would be a small segment of the Recycler readers, which is a paper where you put ads in, who would say, nah, nah, too good to be true, but the phone would ring. Believe me, the phone would ring. And that is my answer to the supermodels who can't get a date.

11:54 Drew So we did a movie with Book Shields. Okay, not with her, but for her, I guess.

11:58 Adam Yes. She starred in a movie and we did some interstitial whatever. She said she saw it, said it was great.

12:03 Drew And no one else will ever see it.

12:04 Adam And we'll never see it.

12:05 Drew Is that what she said?

12:07 Adam No, that's what I was thinking. That was my mantra. She was going, we're going to have a screening soon. And I'm thinking, we'll never see it. We're going to try to bring it to Sundance. We'll never see it. What agency are you with? Oh, William Morris. They have it. They can get you a copy. I'll never see it.

12:22 Drew They'll never give me one.

12:24 Adam You know what I mean when you start that before?

12:26 Drew Yes.

12:26 Adam And it's true, right?

12:27 Drew Yeah.

12:28 Adam We'll never see it. All right. Let's get to the phones. Greg?

12:31 Yeah.

12:32 Adam You're 19?

12:33 Caller No, I'm 17.

12:34 Adam You're 17.

12:35 Caller Yeah.

12:35 Adam You're never going to see this movie either, by the way.

12:38 Caller All right.

12:38 Adam So what's up?

12:39 Caller All right. Like Friday, I've been going out with this girl for like about two weeks. And then I ended up, you know, having sex with her, but I didn't use the condom. And I didn't use it for the fact she said that she was on the pill. And then yesterday, no, not yesterday, but today, but when she came over, she wanted to screw again. And like for some reason when I got my heart on, like it was burning, like it hurt really, really bad when I got it.

13:02 Drew The skin did or what hurt?

13:04 Caller The skin did and it looked like there was like dough on it or something.

13:07 Adam I didn't know what it was.

13:09 Drew Like dough on it?

13:10 Like he's been having fun with doughnuts.

13:12 Tonic Sounds like an Easton fiction.

13:13 Adam Does this smell, does this call smell a little bogus to you, Drew?

13:16 Drew No, because herpes can do this kind of thing.

13:19 Adam Put dough on the penis?

13:21 Drew Well, what do you mean by dough?

13:22 Caller I don't know, like it's kind of like doughy. It was on it.

13:26 Adam Hey, Greg, do me a favor, just to satisfy my curiosity. Whack your penis against the side of the nightstand and see if the poppin fresh guy comes out of your urethra. It just starts laughing. Like a big herpetic lesion on his lip. Greg, you don't know about it.

13:45 Caller But like when I got my heart on it, the skin was like burning bad and it was hurting.

13:50 Drew Did you see any rash?

13:52 Caller It was red, but I don't know if it was a rash. It was like cherry red and it was hurting really, really bad.

13:58 Drew Do you think you were sort of overly enthusiastic last time you were with her?

14:02 Caller No, not really.

14:03 Drew Could you have actually burned yourself or caused a friction rub to the point that it...

14:08 Caller I'm guessing that, but I don't know what the f**k you think.

14:12 Drew We'll just have a little talk about profanity on the air tonight. Thank you, Greg. What do you mean by dull? What does that mean?

14:17 Adam Oh, Drew, who cares?

14:18 Drew Like a rash?

14:21 Caller I don't know what it is. That's why I was like...

14:22 Drew Is it a rash?

14:24 Caller It's not necessarily a rash, but it's like on the head, on my head, like I don't know what it is.

14:28 Adam Okay, but Drew, he's got to bring his penis in to be seen.

14:31 Drew Yes, he does. I suspect this is herpes. Guys, herpes can look like a lot of different things than a lot of different people. It doesn't always look like little nice blisters. It can look like streaks and it can look like just patches that are inflamed.

14:43 Adam On me, it looks like Abe Lincoln's head.

14:46 Drew Sometimes it will.

14:47 Adam Very unique.

14:48 Tonic Very honest herpes.

14:51 He's got the copper penny herpes.

14:54 Tonic Not very loved in the south.

14:56 Drew And be that as it may, it's something that people often, women sometimes have burning and ignore it and it goes away because herpes will go away and they never know they had it. Men do it, it will go away and heal and they don't really realize what they had unless it comes back in the same area. And it doesn't always look like something that herpes is described as but anything that burns on the penis after sex is herpes until proven otherwise.

15:16 Adam All right, Lucas, hey, what up? You're 16, you're on with Tonic.

15:20 Caller Oh my God, what up? My first time on Loveline, it's cool.

15:23 Adam All right.

15:23 Caller Woohoo. Guess what?

15:26 Adam What?

15:27 Caller Oh man, I'm having a tough time with women, you know what I'm saying?

15:31 Don't we all have a tough time with women?

15:33 Caller Yeah, especially you, man.

15:36 Tonic Exactly. Man, that's cold.

15:37 Thank you.

15:38 Caller Okay, anyway.

15:39 Tonic With a name like Lucas, she ought to go a little easier, bud.

15:42 Caller Okay. I'm stopping right now.

15:44 What do you want?

15:45 Caller Okay, I have a girlfriend, right? Okay. And I have this other girl, right? And she likes me and I like her. And I still have this girlfriend, which I really like, you know what I'm saying?

15:56 Yeah.

15:56 Caller And I like them both the same way.

15:58 Right.

15:58 Caller And my sister and my friends, they was like, date them both. And then all of a sudden, it was like a whole bunch of like, chick friends. They were like, don't date them both, you know?

16:07 Drew Well, your sister. Wow.

16:09 Adam What a gal.

16:10 Drew How old is your sister?

16:11 Caller Huh?

16:11 Adam She's 11.

16:13 Caller She's inflated though.

16:14 Drew What does that mean?

16:15 Caller Pregnant.

16:16 Drew Inflated.

16:17 Adam Who's pregnant?

16:18 Caller My sister.

16:19 Adam Who's helium's in her?

16:22 Caller My sister, man.

16:23 Adam Your sister's pregnant?

16:24 Caller Yeah.

16:24 Adam Yeah. Okay.

16:25 Caller I don't even want to go into details with that. All right, Lucas.

16:27 Adam She's pretty wild, huh? How old is she?

16:30 Caller Who? My girlfriend?

16:31 Adam Your sister.

16:32 Caller Oh, 20.

16:33 Adam Okay. Well, listen, Lucas.

16:35 Caller What?

16:35 Adam Why don't you just figure out the one you like more and date her?

16:38 Caller Yeah, that's what, that's what my, that's also like my friends are saying.

16:42 Drew Look, here's the deal. You sound like a nice guy. That is the honest thing to do. Well.

16:45 Caller Yeah, girl sounds too nice.

16:47 Drew But Lucas, you're going to hurt somebody and be unhappy with that. You're going to hurt one of these girls badly. It's going to be bad enough just breaking up with somebody. You're going to have to do that with one of them.

16:57 Adam Hey, 16.

16:57 Drew But if you string them both along, it's going to be a mess. And he's going to end up feeling awful. That's not what he wants. He didn't, he's not with these jackholes calling up. Is that part of the things we can say?

17:05 Adam You're allowed to say that.

17:06 Drew Let's start inventing new words. You want to?

17:08 Adam We have a memo here that says we have to go into the program director's office and talk about profanity. And to me it sounds like something we could sort out over the phone. It really does. I mean, you get the list of stuff we can't say, go ahead and tell me and I'll say yes and I'll hang the phone up. I mean, do we have to show up in person? Do we?

17:30 Tonic It's like the principal's office.

17:33 Adam You know, it's great. I saw the program director, Kevin Weatherly from K-Rock last night at the big Acoustic Christmas, which was huge down at the Anaheim Pond. And I was saying to my friend and partner, Jimmy today, I wish I had a time-lapse montage video of all the conversations I've had with Kevin about us going out and getting a beer some time. Because it would read like December 1976. We'd both have long hair and a handlebar mustache. We were wearing bell bottoms. And he'd be drunk and he'd go, Dude, we got to go out and get a beer sometime. And then the next one would be August 1984. I'd be wearing like a flock of Seagulls hairdo. And he'd be wearing a members only jacket. He'd go, Dude, we got to go out and get a beer sometime. And last night, you know the thing that's funny about the conversations that guys have about going out and having a beer? It only happens after they both had like a 12-pack.

18:31 Tonic We got to go get a beer.

18:33 Adam Yeah, it's ironic that when you have like 11 quarts of beer in you is when you decide it's important that you go out and get a beer sometime with one of the guys. So I always say whenever you want, I'm at your beck and call. But next time, next year about this time, we're going to have to go out and get a beer conversation. And then what I'm hoping is one day when we're gone, our kids can carry on the let's go out and have a beer conversation. Be like, look, Kevin Jr. and little Adam Jr. getting drunk at the weenie roast 40 years from now talking about having a beer in memory of their dads.

19:09 Sarah?

19:11 Hi.

19:11 Adam You're 17.

19:13 Caller Yeah. I had the fact yesterday and I'm still like bleeding from it.

19:18 Oh, yeah.

19:19 Drew Heavy bleeding or just a little bit of spotting?

19:21 Caller Um, well, earlier today it was pretty bad. It's getting like lighter, but I don't know.

19:27 Drew Were you about to do the heavy period now?

19:28 No.

19:29 Drew Was it protected?

19:31 Caller Yeah.

19:32 Adam What difference does the protection make in terms of bleeding the next day?

19:36 Drew Uh, it just makes me worry less about infection.

19:39 Right.

19:39 Adam But the infection wouldn't cause the bleeding, would it? No. So it's a horrible suggestion.

19:46 Drew So I just wanted to know which direction I had to go with her on the discussion here.

19:49 Adam I understand. Let's go forward. How about that direction?

19:52 Drew So bleeding is not uncommon after sex, and especially after the first time.

19:55 Adam Was it the first time?

19:56 Caller Yeah.

19:57 Adam Oh, it was? Yeah. So you lost your virginity?

20:00 Caller Yeah.

20:01 Adam How was it?

20:03 Nothing great.

20:04 Adam Right. Yeah. It's never is. It's gonna get worse.

20:08 Drew That guy actually cared.

20:09 Adam Yeah. What? Was it with your boyfriend?

20:12 No.

20:13 Adam No? Who was it?

20:16 Well, I kind of knew him. It was that. I shouldn't have done it.

20:19 Caller I know I shouldn't have.

20:20 Drew How come?

20:21 Caller Because I didn't want it to be at some party, which it was.

20:26 Adam It was at the party? Wow. Thank God they set up that ping pong table in the garage, huh?

20:32 Drew Anything going on where in your life where this is something that you would do to sort of escape something or you would go against what you think is your better judgment?

20:45 That didn't help.

20:46 Drew So drinking contributed to that.

20:48 Adam How old is the guy?

20:49 Um, 19.

20:50 Adam Did you, did or didn't use protection?

20:53 He did.

20:54 Adam All right. Well, that's good.

20:56 Also, I have another question. Am I going to have to go to the gyno now?

21:00 Drew Well, the fact that you're sexually active, yeah.

21:03 Because I'm not telling my mom.

21:06 Adam Yeah, but she, you should.

21:07 Drew She doesn't have to know about it.

21:08 Adam Well, what about her going to the gynecologist?

21:10 Drew What about it? She can go any doctor she wants. She has confidential health care.

21:14 Caller But do I really have to go? Like if.

21:16 Drew You should be going anyway. Look, you're almost 18. Young women dive circles.

21:20 Adam I went to the gynecologist when I was 18.

21:22 Drew I mean, maybe you should set an example for my sister. You could even have your mom endorse it. Just say, look, I was in health class. I said we should be having this exam every year. And it's important that I do this. Not only that, are you going to be going away to college next year?

21:36 Probably.

21:37 Drew Okay.

21:38 Adam Wait a minute. Why are you going away to junior college?

21:41 No, not junior.

21:42 Adam You're going to regular college?

21:43 Yeah.

21:43 Adam All right.

21:44 Drew College will have a student health services and you'll be important. They will expect you to go have regular pap smears. But it's something if you're going to sexual activity.

21:52 Adam What if you're a virgin and you're 17?

21:54 Drew Still 18 is when you should start doing it.

21:56 Adam You should get in there?

21:57 Drew Yeah.

21:58 Adam Regardless of what kind of shape the Hymen's in?

22:01 Drew Correct.

22:02 Adam Okay.

22:02 Tonic Where do they get these names anyway?

22:04 Drew Hymen?

22:05 Tonic PAP Hymen. It's too comical for it.

22:08 Drew PAP is Dr. PEP Nicolaou who invented the stain that they use on the cell.

22:12 Tonic Well, thank God it's just PAP. PEP Nicolaou? What kind of name is that?

22:16 I'm going to get my PEP Nicolaou test.

22:18 Drew What was the other word?

22:19 Tonic Hymen.

22:21 Drew Well, that came from L'chaim.

22:24 It means life.

22:25 Tonic It means life. It's the celebratory act of breaking the Hymen.

22:29 Adam It's rough on all the Jewish kids named Hymen though. There was a girl in my high school named Debbie Hymen and naturally it got changed to Busta.

22:40 Which was...

22:42 Adam It's crude. But, you know, I give it a five for 16, 17 year olds. But old Busta Hymen was of course not excited about that. I'll tell you, I love the Jews, and I like the kid the Jews, but they have some of the most unattractive last names ever. It's like somebody grabbed the alphabet and tried to think of it like the least flattering last name.

23:06 Tonic And throw a Berg on the end. Right. Or Baum.

23:09 Adam Or Witz. There was a Randy Bort. That was kind of just Bort. You know, just Bort. It just couldn't, you know what I mean? Like the blacks, they got it down. They're named like Glide Spencer. You know what I mean?

23:23 Tonic Everybody's an action hero.

23:24 Adam Yeah.

23:24 It's awesome.

23:24 Adam Shaft, you know what I'm saying? Superfly, I don't know if that's his Christian name, but that's a good strong black name, Superfly. But, you know, it wouldn't be like Super Bort or Super Hymen.

23:39 Super Wits.

23:40 Adam Super Wits.

23:42 Tonic Super Bound.

23:46 Adam Who's that man who's hot with all the ladies?

23:49 Super Wits.

23:51 Adam You're damn right.

23:53 Caller Shut your mouth.

23:55 Adam I hear that Super Wits is one bad mother Hagler. Shut your mouth. Just talking about Super Wits. Noah?

24:04 Yeah?

24:04 Adam You're fifteen.

24:06 Yeah. Well, I just like, I'm really obese and it's really kind of like depressing because like a lot of my, well, not really my friends. My friends are kind of nice about it but a lot of people who are just like acquaintances like I know they talk behind me behind my back and it's, I don't know, it's just like really kind of hard sometimes to deal with how they tease and stuff.

24:30 Adam I'm looking at the screen here, Noah. It says you're 5'10 and 200 pounds.

24:34 Caller Yeah.

24:35 Drew That's not that big.

24:36 Adam That's not obese but let me do some radio math. That's important that we calculate that. 200, 5'10, cover the five, 4'9, 386 pounds. That's the actual size of Noah. It's important to do radio math. Hey Noah, seriously, are you 5'10?

24:56 Caller Yeah.

24:56 Adam Are you 200 pounds?

24:57 Caller Yeah.

24:59 Adam Mike Tyson is 5'10 and he's 220.

25:01 Caller Yeah, but I'm not really, I mean, I'm not like muscular.

25:05 Tonic But dude, you know what, when you get a little older, if you keep exercising, your body is going to change totally.

25:10 Adam Yeah, that's not, I wouldn't call that obese, you know, 200 pounds and 5'10. I mean, you can be, you know, you can have a little jiggle to you but have you tried to lose the weight?

25:20 Caller Well, I guess, I mean, I haven't like gone on any big diets or anything.

25:26 Drew Get focused on proper nutrition to get a real exercise program together. You can change a lot, Noah.

25:30 Tonic And don't sit in front of the computer all day, man. If you're one of those guys, don't do that. Get out in the sunshine, run around. Don't eat donuts, candy bars, all that stuff. Don't drink a lot of soda. Like we do. Yeah.

25:41 Adam Right.

25:42 Tonic Just, you know, go heavy on the water and, you know, get a lot of exercise.

25:45 Caller Alright.

25:46 Adam Alright, you alright there, Noah?

25:47 Caller Yeah, I'm doing alright.

25:48 Adam Yeah, you'll be fine.

25:49 Caller Alright.

25:49 Adam And listen, it'll be better. You'll have your day.

25:52 Caller Okay.

25:52 Adam Alright. And, hey, Noah? Yeah. You don't have one of those bad Jewish last names, do you?

25:57 Caller No. No Jewish last names.

26:00 Adam Okay. Alright. So you dodge that bullet. That'd be like Noah Shaft or Noah Superfly, right? Yeah. Okay.

26:08 Caller Alright.

26:08 Adam Just listen. Hey, Noah, you're 15. It's real easy. Just get a little exercise and don't eat too much.

26:13 Caller Alright.

26:13 Adam Alright. There you go. I'll tell you, in a way, I'd like my kid fat until they were like 20, just to sort of stay out of trouble. You know what I mean? I mean, if it's a girl, she ain't getting passed around at some fraternity party or something when she's 17. I think fat kids spend a little more time studying. They tend to get a little more involved. I mean, think about the alternative. I mean, if you got, I know this sounds like a retarded logic, but let's just say, let's just go to the two extremes. Let's say you have a kid who's fat, or you have a kid who's like a super jock, super athletic, male or female, very antlers type build or super model type build. Don't you tend to think the one with the great build, especially if it was a woman, was going to get herself in a little more trouble between 15 and 20? I don't want them to be miserable. I don't want them to be picked on. But Drew, you wouldn't mind if your kids were a little bit chunky and ostracized and not able to have sex with their peers, would you?

27:16 Tonic That's all right. As long as they're not climbing towers. I think they're OK. Right.

27:20 Adam Taking out other coeds.

27:21 Tonic Most of the people who were in good shape in my school were pretty much jerks.

27:25 Adam And you don't develop your mind as much.

27:28 That's always the way it is.

27:29 Adam Right. I would be with that. I would like my. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fatten my kid up. Come about. See, no need to be fat at 11. No need to be fat at 9. So I'm going to keep on a strict exercise in liquid diet up until the kid's 13th birthday. Then I'm going to start the fattening process, like a turkey or veal. I keep them in the closet. I'm going to feed them a lot of creamy sauces and things like that.

27:56 Tonic Kind of like a Gustav Willy Wonka thing. Right. Yeah.

27:59 Adam I'm going to actually, speaking of half that word, Gustav, my grandfather used to tell me in Hungary to get the goose liver, they would actually force feed the goose to fatten that liver up. So I'm going to fatten the kid up and I try to keep him out of the sunshine too. I don't want him going out. Then I'm going to keep him fat from like 13 to like 18. Keep those SAT scores high. He'll be home every Saturday night at 8 studying his ass off, watching TV, learning the computer, staying out of trouble, no venereal diseases, no trouble with the law. Then when he gets to 18, he's getting ready to go off to college. That's when I go back to the liquid diet and the exercise regimen. No sleep and a sort of a military sort of boot camp like environment.

28:44 Tonic What if it sticks and he like falls into that big biker thing?

28:48 Adam What do you mean?

28:49 Tonic No, you know, like-

28:49 Drew No beards. You want a lot of beards.

28:51 Tonic No beards?

28:51 Adam Oh, I see.

28:52 Tonic Because you could be like a big biker guy, you know? He could go the other way just against the law.

28:56 Adam Starts getting the extra work in any which way but lose mind and all that.

29:00 Tonic Yeah, exactly.

29:00 Adam Yeah. Yeah, if he cuts his sleeves off any of his jackets, I'm going to intervene.

29:04 It might be a problem.

29:06 Adam All right. Tonic is our guest tonight. We're going to hear something off of Sugar, which is the name of their latest CD. When we come back, also we'll speak to Jennifer who's 17. Her friends are telling her that she can get pregnant through dry sacks and we'll get to the bottom of that after this. It is Loveline. Phone number, 1-800-LAVE-191. That's Dr. Drew, I'm Adam Corolla. Tonic is her guest tonight. Nice move with the pen there, Drew. Jeff Russo, Emerson Hart, and Dan Lavery. That's Dan Lavery. That's L-A-V-E-R-Y.

30:12 Drew What did he say?

30:13 Tonic Ding!

30:13 Adam Dan said Laver.

30:15 Tonic He was more like Dan Laver.

30:17 Adam Yeah, they were.

30:17 Tonic I told Adam. L-A-V-E-R-Y, whatever.

30:20 Adam I had a few beers for him. That's all right. All right, phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-1-9-1.

30:27 Drew I want to add to that the overweight kid that he can log on to my website, drdrew.com. We have a nutritionist there, and he's welcome to go to the forums, put up, post his story, people feedback to him, and our nutritionist will go over things with him.

30:37 Adam That's awesome, too.

30:38 Drew Yeah, we have lots of cool stuff.

30:40 Adam Yeah, it just seems like you don't need to leave the... Well, maybe we want him to leave the house once in a while. Maybe he should jog down to the nutritionist instead of get on the computer.

30:51 Drew No, I think he needs to review by a nutritionist, by a dietician.

30:54 Adam Hey, Drew, let me bring up a quick nutritional note here that I think a lot of people don't understand. Drew yelled at me about this at different times during our relationship. But I think people should eat more protein and less carbohydrates. That's the key, right, Drew?

31:10 Drew That is generally a good... Not to be strictly in protein, but in general people need a little more protein.

31:15 Adam People eat a lot of pasta and stuff and they think they're doing it right, but it's too much carbs.

31:20 Tonic I am that guy right here. I lost 25 pounds because I was a carb junkie. I lived on carbs. I gained tons of weight. And I went on a... I still eat carbs like vegetables, broccoli, you know, and stuff like that. And I lost 25 pounds. I feel the best I've felt since I was like 19.

31:36 Drew Another sort of great axiom is eat food.

31:41 Tonic Yeah, eat food, eat real stuff.

31:42 Drew And don't eat Cheez Whiz and the...

31:44 Tonic We did a TV show a couple of weeks ago and we met Jack Loveline. This guy is, you know, 90-some. He looks awesome. And I said, how do you do it, man? What's the key? He goes, don't eat a lot of pasta. And if man made it, don't eat it.

31:58 Drew Wow.

31:58 Tonic And that's how he's done it. And he drives a champagne... Or no, it's a foam green Cadillac, I have to say.

32:04 Drew Oh, really?

32:05 Tonic And in full jumpsuit, you know. He pulled some karate moves on me. I got a little bashful and I had to get out of the room. But he's quite a man.

32:11 Adam I remember when whenever Jack would have a birthday, he would do something. He'd handcuff himself and tow some boat across the harbor.

32:19 Drew He towed the number of boats at his age across a lake or something. Right.

32:23 Tonic I don't think he's going to be doing that anymore.

32:25 Adam Ninety boats.

32:26 Tonic He's a little ready.

32:27 Adam He's going to tow his bag to the bathroom. Hey, it's heavy. He can weigh something.

32:35 Drew He can do it.

32:37 Adam Yeah, he's 90. My birthday is about, let's see, getting drunk in the stone, watching a lot of TV, and crying when I call my parents and ask what they've done to me.

32:47 Tonic Your parents still speak to you?

32:49 Adam They do now because I'm leasing my dad a car.

32:53 Caller Nice.

32:56 Adam Son, the battery is dead.

32:57 Caller What do I do?

32:58 Adam Jennifer? Hi. All right. So you're 17.

33:01 Caller Yes.

33:02 Adam And your friends, let's see, oh, yeah, think you can get, tell you can get pregnant through dry sex?

33:09 Caller Yes.

33:09 Drew How would that happen?

33:11 Caller I do not know. I've never thought that before. But then they all confused me. They said, like, either it can go through your pants or it can get on your hands and you can spread it like that or...

33:20 Drew Well, yes, I suppose those are theoretic possibilities. But first of all, it has to go through your pants and then through somebody else's, right?

33:28 Adam Well, what, dry sex, you just mean dry humping?

33:32 Caller Yeah, or just like underwear, I guess.

33:36 Adam So each party is in their underwear?

33:38 Caller Yeah.

33:39 Drew Very unlikely.

33:40 Adam And they're sort of grinding on each other?

33:44 Caller Yeah, I suppose.

33:44 Adam And one party has an orgasm?

33:47 Drew Well, it doesn't matter. The male party must have an orgasm.

33:52 Adam Yes, I was getting to that, Drew.

33:55 Caller Please.

33:56 Adam I can't see if I've laid out a plan here. Why do you have to interrupt?

33:59 Drew No, no. I was with you.

34:00 Adam All right. It's a two-hour show, Drew. I understand we got to kill some time here and burn these skulls. All right. So, Jennifer, it's technically possible, but so are a lot of things. It's not probable, okay? I wouldn't worry about it, but here's the worry, I think, is when you're grinding on top of each other and you're both in your underpants, more can happen.

34:23 Tonic Yeah, it can lead very quickly.

34:25 Adam You understand? Yeah.

34:26 Drew And the issue of hands getting contaminated is reasonable.

34:29 Adam It is.

34:29 Drew You'll be concerned with. Maybe get some stuff on his hands and put his hands on her, sure.

34:33 Adam Yeah, but he ain't touching her after he gets the stuff on his hands. That's the part we're not accounting for.

34:39 Drew He's over it.

34:39 Adam Yeah, it's more like, but here's the more likely scenario. He gets some stuff on his hands, then she handles the TV remote after he does and then spreads it back. That could happen. One time I got a chick prank because she touched a refrigerator handle just moments after I'd finished.

34:57 Caller And gone for your beer.

34:58 Adam But the part about satisfying her after I'm done, that is very unlikely, Drew. David?

35:05 Caller Hello?

35:06 Adam You're 25.

35:07 Caller Yeah.

35:07 Adam What's up?

35:08 Caller I'm what you call a Differata Tarada.

35:12 Caller I was born...

35:12 Adam From Canada?

35:13 Caller Yeah, exactly. It's kind of weird, but for most people at least. I was born with almost two penises.

35:20 Adam Oh, son of a bitch. I've been looking for the other half of my penis for 35 years. And I finally found it. You bastard.

35:29 Caller Sorry about that, Adam. So really, what's it look like? Well, it's one penis, but at the head, I have two heads instead of one head.

35:39 Adam So it's like one of those Gardner snakes?

35:42 Caller With two heads, yeah.

35:43 Drew You have one urethra though, huh? Exactly. So one of them is functional?

35:47 Caller One is functional, the other one is not.

35:49 Tonic What happens when you get an erection? Does the other guy get flammie too? Or is it like two mushrooms or is it just like a one throbbing shaft and then a...

35:57 Caller No, the other one.

36:00 Adam Glad you jumped in by the way, David.

36:03 Caller Yeah, no, it's not like that. One is pretty much just there.

36:06 Drew It's just the skin. There's no one.

36:08 Adam So, one is sort of functional and the other is just sort of there.

36:14 Caller Exactly.

36:14 Drew You're 25. How come you haven't had that repaired?

36:17 Caller Well, I went to a doctor once and he referred me to a specialist. And I never went. I was really... I'm a little more comfortable with it now than I used to be.

36:27 Drew Are you sexually active?

36:28 Caller No, not at all.

36:29 Drew Never?

36:30 Caller No.

36:32 Tonic Yeah, how could you get in there?

36:33 Drew Yeah, could you?

36:34 Caller Yeah, it would be kind of difficult.

36:36 Adam It would be tough?

36:37 Caller Yeah, it would be tough.

36:38 Adam Yeah, because it would be like you would be getting caught on the lip. You know what I mean?

36:43 Caller I would have to use a lot of...

36:45 Adam Be hard.

36:46 Drew Maybe somebody would be...

36:49 Adam You know, like when you dig that... Well, I mean...

36:53 Tonic Fisting? Anyone? Fisting?

36:55 Caller Oh, my God.

36:59 Adam So, can you have the thing removed?

37:02 Caller Yeah, that's what I was kind of calling about is, you know, I used to have a big problem with people, you know, even seeing it and...

37:08 Caller Oh, wow.

37:09 Adam Yeah.

37:09 Caller Yeah.

37:10 Drew I understand why somebody... Why didn't somebody like your parents urge you on a lot sooner?

37:16 Caller Well, it was just kind of a thing where I'd get pretty mad at them. And, you know...

37:20 Drew So they were pushing you to do it and you wouldn't do it.

37:22 Caller Well, yeah. When I was younger, I just didn't... I wouldn't even let my mother look at it.

37:26 Drew You know, Adam, forget the fat thing. This is what I want for my boys.

37:30 Adam Forked penis?

37:31 Tonic Yeah.

37:31 Adam White man speak with forked penis.

37:33 Tonic Well, man, you get a lot of free drinks in a bar. I tell you, you pull that thing out.

37:36 Adam Yeah. That is a good way to make a living.

37:40 You know what, dude?

37:41 Tonic I've got two heads on my penis. You know what?

37:43 I bet you a case of beer that I can scare every chick in this bar.

37:49 Adam Did the moil give you a discount or like a group rate or something?

37:54 Drew Or are they both two-fer?

37:55 Adam Ooh, are you circumcised?

37:57 Caller Yeah, actually I am circumcised, yeah.

37:59 Adam You are?

38:00 Caller Do they have to do both?

38:02 Caller They can't. They couldn't do both. The part of the head is still attached to the other one.

38:05 Adam All right, hold on, David. I want to talk to our guest and Drew about this. As a parent, don't you have some sort of moral obligation when you realize, you are fully aware of your kid's anatomy, aren't you?

38:20 Drew Usually those sorts of genital sort of anomalies are taken care of very young, infancy.

38:29 Adam Yeah, I mean I wouldn't take the kid home from the hospital. I really wouldn't without the little doggy bag. I mean, if you're going to bring something, if you're going to cut it off, you've got to keep it, right? But I wouldn't bring him home. I mean, you know, it's not something they're going to grow out of. You have to know, even if it's an unspoken thing, that when the kid's 13, 14, hitting puberty, this is going to be a serious issue.

38:52 Tonic Well, maybe he is Canadian. We might be strange to their ways.

38:56 Adam David? Yeah. Are you Canadian?

38:58 Caller Actually, I'm Hungarian like you.

39:00 Adam Oh, really? I'm not Hungarian as my step-grandfather who is Hungarian, but a good guy, Laszlo.

39:07 Caller Yeah. No. I guess I don't know much about it. I don't like to talk about it much.

39:13 Adam Are your parents religious? Are they uptight or something?

39:17 Caller Yeah. They are Scientologists.

39:19 Drew Oh my God. That's why you are stuck with this.

39:23 Caller Yeah.

39:23 Drew Oh my God.

39:24 Adam You should see your parents. Why does Scientology make you not want to...

39:30 Drew Doctors are all evil and bad. They have to be avoided.

39:32 Tonic This is an awesome mini-series in the making right here.

39:35 Adam Yeah. But I didn't know Scientology was that F'ed up that way. You know... What about all those actors who have had boob jobs and nose jobs who are... That was before. Oh, that was before.

39:46 Tonic Well, see, if he could make money on the two-headed penis, then maybe the church would embrace him.

39:50 Adam Is there a circus in town, David?

39:52 Caller No.

39:54 Adam Jim Rose. Have you heard of Jim Rose?

39:56 Caller He'll have you. Have I heard of Jim Rose?

39:58 Caller Can you hang a brick from it?

40:00 Drew No, David, listen, are you doing okay otherwise in your life?

40:03 Caller Well, yeah, I guess so.

40:05 Drew What are you doing for a living?

40:06 Caller I own a video production company.

40:09 Drew But you don't have... Are you gay, straight, what are you?

40:12 Caller I don't... Well, I assume I'm straight. I haven't had any...

40:16 Adam One penis is gay, the other is straight. The balls are bi. So there's a little trifecta going on down there.

40:22 Tonic Now it's a Disney special, the money keeps going up.

40:24 Drew Are you interested? You know, those twins have made a fortune.

40:27 Yeah, they have.

40:28 Tonic Performance fleece, two-headed penises.

40:30 Adam He's going to play the guitar with it for the Pope.

40:35 Drew David, listen, do you want to have relationships? I imagine.

40:38 Caller Yeah, definitely. That's one of my main...

40:40 Drew Are you okay otherwise? I mean, are your parents okay with you otherwise? Are there no other problems in the home?

40:46 Caller Yeah, I mean, I have a...

40:48 Adam All right, well, wait a minute. Let's just talk brass tacks here. He has to get a surgical procedure, right? And I'm no surgeon, but I don't mind giving out surgical advice over the radio on a national basis. And I can, after a few beers, and I can tell you that if one isn't hooked up, I mean, the plumbing's not hooked up, and it doesn't seem to be responding sexually, that it might be a little easier to remove it, right?

41:11 Drew Yes, yes.

41:11 Adam But make sure they get the bad one, David.

41:16 Caller That's what I wanted to kind of know is, you know, what are the repercussions of doing that?

41:21 Drew It sounds to me, again, not knowing exactly what the vascular situation is there with your duality here, your twin. It should be, as Adam is saying, something fairly easy because it's not hooked up in the same way the rest of the penis is. It sounds like, at least. It should be something that, even if it isn't.

41:39 Caller Well, you know, once in a while something will come out of the right side.

41:43 Drew It still seems like something surgically relatively easy. It requires somebody who does frequent procedures on the penis, but it does not sound like something that would be technically all that difficult.

41:54 Adam Hey, David. One last question. Does it go up and sort of y out, or does one go straight and the other sort of come off it, like the branch on a tree?

42:05 Caller Yeah, exactly. One straight and the other one will branch off.

42:09 Adam All right.

42:09 Caller So you got about two inches sticking out there.

42:13 Adam You got this straight one, though, right?

42:15 Caller Yeah, I got the straight one.

42:16 Adam And it works. Can you have an orgasm? Have you ever masturbated?

42:21 Caller Yeah. I don't have a problem having an orgasm.

42:24 Drew What goes on with the nervous situation in the second one? Is there feeling in that one? I mean, if you stimulated that one, would it cause an orgasm?

42:31 Caller It won't. It will help to cause an orgasm.

42:34 Drew But not the way the main one, so that's good. So all the nerves are going to the right place.

42:37 Adam That's nice, too. You got a place to rest your cigarette. I got to set it down on the nightstand.

42:43 Caller Yeah, and when it gets down on the chair, that would hurt.

42:46 Adam Yeah, you don't want to fall asleep with that thing lit.

42:48 Drew David, where do you live?

42:50 Caller I live in San Fernando Valley.

42:52 Drew All right.

42:53 Adam No wonder he hasn't sought any medical attention.

42:55 Drew Well, but look, there's tremendous resources in Los Angeles. There should not be any problem getting somebody to be able to do that.

43:01 Adam David, I'm telling you, you can get this done for free, too, as long as they could put it in their book.

43:05 Caller Can you do it on your show?

43:06 Adam Yeah, well, I'll do it myself. I'll get Brooke Shields to assist. All right, David, go talk to somebody, would you?

43:15 Drew Let us know how it goes.

43:16 Adam Kick your dad in the nuts next time you talk to him, would you?

43:18 Drew Like you said, they have a moral obligation to do that.

43:21 Caller You think that they would fix it.

43:23 Tonic What kind of doctors does he have to go see?

43:25 Drew Urologists.

43:27 Caller Not like a special plastic surgeon.

43:29 Drew Well, I'm sure there are urologists specialized in this area.

43:31 Tonic I think you ought to get like part of it taken off and then get like a tattoo where the other one was. You know, like some kind of like something cool.

43:38 Caller Remember that it was there.

43:39 Caller Right, some sort of homage.

43:40 Adam For me, it would be like, take it off and then tack it on. I mean, let's not throw it away. See if we could weave it into the middle section somewhere.

43:49 Tonic Filled up, not out.

43:50 Adam Because like, wow, look at that speed bump right in the middle of it.

43:54 Drew Two inches is what, like this?

43:55 Adam No, you got an inch and eight there, Drew. This is two. Yeah, yeah.

44:01 Tonic That's quite a knob, son.

44:02 Adam Right. Although I tell the ladies this is two inches. All right. We're going to take a little break. Tonic is here and I promise we're going to hear something off of Sugar, their latest CD, when we come back after this.

44:19 We'll be right back with more Loveline.

44:51 Adam All right, I want to enjoy that craft work before we...

44:54 Tonic The craft work is very nice, huh?

44:58 Adam Tonic is our guest tonight. Sugar is the name of the CD, and I think it's high time we heard something off of that. So, from the aforementioned Sugar, this is You Wanted More. And that'd be now. That is Tonic. Sugar is the name of the CD, and that is off of the American Pie soundtrack. You wanted more...

49:07 Caller It's also on our new record.

49:09 Adam Sugar, which is... Tonic's good. I like Tonic. See, I know I had that... What'd I have? You had the ah. You had the ah. I had the ah.

49:18 Caller I had the ooh.

49:21 Little pucker, ooh.

49:22 Adam Tonic. All right there, Drew, you want to squeeze in a calm before we go to break?

49:27 Drew Ooh, that's... All right, let's try this.

49:30 Adam John?

49:31 Drew One minute.

49:31 Yeah.

49:32 Adam You're 17?

49:33 Caller Hey, Adam.

49:33 Adam You got your septum pierced?

49:36 Caller Yeah.

49:36 Drew Your nasal septum?

49:37 Caller Yeah.

49:39 Caller And about two weeks ago, or three weeks ago, I took it out.

49:43 Drew Yeah.

49:44 Caller And like about a week or last week, it got hard.

49:50 Drew The hole, around the hole, or the hole itself closed and then there's a not developed?

49:54 Caller Yeah, not developed.

49:55 Drew That's healing. That's cartilage you're pierced through, and that has to sort of organize, and there's a whole sort of process that that area goes through. It may be scar formation, in which case that not may not go away, but I suspect it's sort of a reorganization of the cartilage, and it should get better. But it's nothing you can do anything about.

50:11 Caller All right.

50:11 Drew The deed is done.

50:12 Adam Why did you put it in and take it out?

50:14 Caller I had it for like about a year.

50:16 Adam All right. But you decided it wasn't you anymore?

50:19 Caller Yeah.

50:19 Adam Too many other people did it?

50:21 Caller No. It's just, I don't know.

50:23 Tonic Keep it clean, man. Don't, you know, make sure it doesn't get infected. Keep a lot of, you know.

50:27 Caller Yeah, I do.

50:28 Adam All right. All right. Thanks. All right, Jim.

50:30 Bye.

50:30 Adam You know, I pick my nose when I drive like a mad man.

50:34 Drew Like, what's wrong with you?

50:35 You're a driving picker.

50:36 Drew Yeah.

50:37 Adam I pick like Roy Clark when I'm driving. I mean, I really pick that nose. And then I don't touch it for quite a long time, like when I'm sleeping. And then I wake up and I pick like a mad man.

50:50 Caller I'll never forget, I was like nine or ten years old, and I picked my nose, and I pulled on something really hard, and then it just started bleeding. Uh-oh.

50:58 Adam That did it.

50:59 Tonic Yeah. Stay off the eight mile.

51:01 Caller I stopped picking my nose after that.

51:03 Adam All right. We're going to take a little break. We're going to come back with Tonic, and then we'll have more revelations about what we pick after this.

51:14 Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

51:44 Adam It is Loveline. We're going to take our traditional ten-second time out at the top of the hour, and we'll be back with more of the show in just ten seconds.

51:51 This is Loveline on Radio Station.

52:06 Adam It is Loveline. Jeff, Emerson and Dan are all here from Tonic tonight. I'm Adam, that is Drew. Sugar is the name of the CD. You can see Tonic perform if you have a TV set coming up on Thursday. On Conan, also they have a tour coming up. Well, they're going to Europe and then they'll start a tour when they get back.

52:27 Tonic February, March, somewhere around there.

52:29 Caller All right.

52:29 Adam And we'll go back to the phones and speak to Amanda.

52:34 Caller Hello?

52:35 Caller Hey, how's it going?

52:36 Caller Good.

52:37 Adam 21, what's your question?

52:39 Caller Okay, this is a question for Dr. Drew. I'm on a medicine that's called SANSERT.

52:44 Drew SANSERT, yeah. You have headaches or something?

52:47 Caller Yeah, I have a problem with migraine headaches. And they put me on this to help control them. But they told me after a month, after I got on it, that it is one molecule different than LSD. And I was wondering if I had the side effects of LSD to worry about.

53:05 Drew No, no, no, no.

53:07 Caller Well, because I've been having hallucinations and they warned me about that.

53:10 Drew Well, they're taking too much. You got to, first of all.

53:14 Adam And by the way, don't bum the high if you're patient by telling them it's one molecule away from LSD.

53:21 Drew Well, one molecule, I mean, that's like saying it's, you know, one molecule, the SANSERT is only a molecule, so it's...

53:28 Adam So vitamin C is one molecule away from LSD. But as long as you don't have the LSD molecule.

53:35 Drew I think it's a relative, but be that as a matter of fact, SANSERT is not used very much anymore at all. Did you go through the usual Zomig and Maxalt and all that stuff?

53:42 Caller No. They didn't MRI and...

53:48 Drew Now wait a minute, are you being seen by a neurologist?

53:50 Caller Yeah, I'm being seen by a neurologist.

53:52 Drew Why didn't you go to Imatrix or Maxalt or... I mean, that's good stuff.

53:56 Caller He didn't put me on any of that. He said that he wanted to try SANSERT because it's one of the best ones to control this kind of headache and he put me on Indusen for 10 days.

54:05 Adam He had a whole box in the basement that he was trying to move.

54:08 Drew So you don't really have migraines per se, maybe?

54:11 Caller I've had a headache for like two years, a constant headache since a car accident.

54:15 Drew Alright, so it's not migraines, really?

54:17 Caller Yeah.

54:17 Drew Alright, so again, you're taking too much SANSERT. SANSERT has been around for a long time. It's safe medicine, but you have to be careful with the dosing.

54:25 Adam So you gotta...

54:26 Drew If you're having hallucinations, that's a side effect you shouldn't be tolerating.

54:29 Adam What's the headache from head trauma or dealing with the insurance adjuster?

54:33 Drew And by the way, as much as you hear me talk about hallucinogenics being damaging, understand that is a result of the... the damaging influences seem to be those drugs that have hallucinations as their primary effect on the brain, not side effect. And with SANSERT, it's a side effect.

54:50 Caller Okay.

54:50 Drew Okay?

54:51 Tonic Can I ask her what she sees? What are you hallucinating?

54:54 Caller Oh, I hear voices. I see things falling.

54:57 Tonic Oh, really?

54:58 Caller That's weird. Yeah.

55:00 Tonic Where do you live?

55:01 Caller I live in Kansas.

55:02 Tonic Okay. Just don't want to drive the same road as you.

55:05 Drew That's great.

55:06 Adam You're on the road now, aren't you?

55:08 Caller Kind of, yeah.

55:09 Drew Hey, Indusons sometimes make people real drowsy, too. So be careful. It's late at night.

55:13 Caller Okay. I wanted to tell you guys thanks. I've talked to you guys like once before.

55:19 Drew What was happening then?

55:22 Caller Oh, I was having problems with a guy that I've seen.

55:26 Drew Are you doing drugs yourself?

55:27 Caller No. I've never done any illegal drugs.

55:30 Drew All right.

55:31 Adam All right, Amanda.

55:32 Drew Take care.

55:33 Adam Good luck.

55:33 Drew All right.

55:34 Adam Pull over and take a nap.

55:36 Okay.

55:37 Adam To me, that is just some of the worst, most negligent advice anyone could give you. You know, they talk about when you're driving on the road, you get tired, pull over, take a nap. That way, instead of falling asleep behind the wheel, you get raped on the shoulder.

55:52 Tonic Yeah, exactly.

55:53 Adam It's great. I'm just going to pull over and take a nap.

55:56 Caller In the middle of the road, dark.

55:58 Adam Yeah.

55:59 Tonic No matter where you are.

56:00 Adam Yeah, no matter where you are, you're driving through Compton, you're feeling a little groggy, pull over in front of like a crack house and just, you know, slide the seat back, roll the window down.

56:10 Tonic Crack it for fresh air.

56:11 Adam Take the pulls, pull out the stereo, put it on your lap.

56:15 Caller Leave the keys in the ignition.

56:17 Adam Keys in the ignition. Put those Bruno Mali shoes up on the dash.

56:22 Caller Undo your shirt a little bit so you don't get too hot.

56:24 Tonic Maybe work up a sweat.

56:25 Adam Expose that jewelry. If you got it, flaunt it. Hang that Rolex watch out the window and take yourself a good long nap.

56:33 Caller Stop for a refreshing 20 to 30 minute nap. Now what would you say when I say circadian rhythms?

56:39 Adam I'd say don't push it, pocket it. This is the PSAs we have to listen to every night because we get the national feed here. And what is a refreshing 20 minute nap when you're by the side of the road and you got semis ripping your rear view off as they go by? And by the way, if you're really, really tired and you go to sleep by the side of the road, you're going to wake up two days later in an impound yard. Twenty minutes. And when's the last time you're really knocked out and you fell asleep for 20 minutes on the side of the road and you woke up refreshed? I mean, it's a ridiculous plan. My thing is drive like hell and get home. It is amazing to me. I've never done this. I can't fall asleep when I'm in my bed. So I forget about putting wheels on my bed and driving it down the street. But it's amazing to me the amount of people who fall asleep behind the wheel, because it's like, you know, it's like you're driving the car.

57:36 Drew Adam, you can't fall asleep in the in it.

57:39 Adam Listen, I take a handful of ludes and wash them down the 40 ounce or and I'm, you know, I got a down comforter in a one of those lovey shades over my eyes in a little sound maker from the sharper image, you know, whales farting, and I can't fall asleep. There's no way I'll fall asleep when I'm driving. I mean, it's a weird thing. I know people do it, but it's bizarre the way that your brain would let you do that. Like, you're driving down the road, you're going 65, and you go, how do you catch a few winks? You know, just half hour, 20 minutes, I'll be back.

58:17 Tonic You don't know it, though. I mean, we did it when we first started touring. We were in a van for about a year, and we were doing, you know, city to city radio shows in the morning, and we never had a chance to sleep. I was in South Dakota, and we were driving with the van, had a trailer behind us, and we were going about 65. And I swear, I looked out the side window, and I saw Indians running beside the van.

58:37 Adam Oliver Stone movie or something.

58:38 Tonic Yeah, exactly. And I thought, man, that's really strange. I must just be really tired. And I woke up on the other side of the road. Like, it literally was like in a second, I fell asleep. You know, I didn't tell anybody until now.

58:49 Drew So you were actually dreaming.

58:51 Tonic Yeah, I was actually dreaming. I was asleep.

58:53 Adam The thing that saves me is I have to masturbate before I go down. So it's like, I usually can't get the seat back far enough to really accommodate that, you know. All right. And I can't drive American cars because I got the high beam button on the floor sometimes. And when I lock the legs out, you know, I end up getting the bird from all the cars going the other direction. All right. Gary, you're 17. What's up?

59:20 Caller This weekend, I actually had sex with some girl that I find out that she was what?

59:25 Drew What does that mean? What did you find out?

59:28 Caller Basically, my friend said, you know, what happened kind of deal? I was like, what do you mean?

59:32 Caller They said, well, she's been with a bunch of guys.

59:35 Caller I mean, I used the condom and everything, but she's talking about oral sex. You can get herpes or some type of disease that way.

59:42 Drew Well, you can get everything that way, but she has to have something to give you.

59:45 Caller Yeah, I'm not sure if she does. I mean...

59:47 Drew And of course, you can always trust your buddies for a specific and accurate history of some young lady you might have hooked up with.

59:53 Adam Hey, did you just have oral sex?

59:56 Caller No, I had everything.

59:57 Drew But oral sex unprotected, see?

59:58 Caller Yeah.

59:59 Adam I see.

1:00:00 Caller And it is protected oral sex.

1:00:03 Drew Condom.

1:00:04 Adam That sounds, you know, reasonably safe. Yeah. How old is she?

1:00:09 Caller She's only like 15.

1:00:12 Tonic Dude, what are you doing?

1:00:13 Caller She's like, no, I think she just turned 15 or she just turned 16.

1:00:16 Tonic Either way.

1:00:19 Drew It sounds like you were kind of into this girl, too, before your friends dumped on you.

1:00:23 Caller Not really. It was more like we all went in the hot tub afterward or before.

1:00:27 Adam Right.

1:00:28 Caller And then it was late. So we all back to her apartment.

1:00:31 Caller And whoever was falling asleep and next thing you know.

1:00:35 Adam She doesn't have her own place, does she?

1:00:36 Caller It's her parents' apartment.

1:00:38 Caller No. Her mom was in the other room, unfortunately.

1:00:41 Adam Right.

1:00:42 Caller And then they were telling me about it. And I was like, no, I was like, great.

1:00:46 Adam All right. But dads know where to be found, right?

1:00:48 Caller There is no dad.

1:00:49 Adam Right.

1:00:50 Drew Well, why don't you give her a chance to? I mean, if it's somebody that you want to...

1:00:53 Adam Hey, he doesn't like her that much.

1:00:55 Caller No. They say that, I guess in the past, she's been with like so many guys at so many parties.

1:00:59 Adam Right.

1:01:00 Caller And I just find this out and I was like, oh my God.

1:01:01 Drew Well, she's a disturbed person.

1:01:03 Adam Well, it's like when daddy ain't around, then every guy is daddy and it's sad, but that's reality. But Gary?

1:01:11 Caller Yeah.

1:01:11 Adam You used a condom half the time.

1:01:13 Caller Yeah.

1:01:14 Adam And you just didn't use it for the oral sex. And I'm sure you're fine.

1:01:18 Caller Is there a time limit or do I have to wait before I get tested or anything?

1:01:21 Adam You want to get an HIV test?

1:01:23 Caller I want to get everything tested, I guess.

1:01:25 Drew Well, if there are no symptoms, there's nothing to test in your mouth, right? That's where these things would occur.

1:01:30 Adam Well, wait a minute. He got oral sex.

1:01:32 Caller Yeah. I got oral sex.

1:01:33 Drew I see. So if you don't get any symptoms on your penis, there's nothing really to test for. If you want an HIV, hepatitis, those sorts of screens, get one now, and you can get an HIV again in six months.

1:01:43 Caller So you can get HIV that way?

1:01:46 Drew Yeah. It's unlikely, but it can happen.

1:01:48 Adam Yeah. Is it six months or is that just for 1% of the population?

1:01:54 Drew Certainly four months would be a good window, but six months to get it all.

1:01:58 Adam Whenever they do that six-month thing, see, what I don't like about society in general, well, it's really their attitude. I wish they would drop the attitude. What they'll do is they'll cover themselves. You know, one guy out of a million will take six months to become HIV-positive, so that becomes the mark for all of us. But what they don't tell you, because they're going to save you from yourselves, or from yourself, is that most people would show HIV-positive. I mean, the majority of society, me and you, would show after three months.

1:02:36 Drew So it's a little bit hyperbolic. I mean, it's not a straight line. Right. With three months half, it's not very high until three months, and it starts to escalate.

1:02:48 Adam All right. So realistically, more like four months than six months.

1:02:52 Drew Yeah.

1:02:52 Adam Okay.

1:02:53 Tonic But you know what, dude? You're still listening. Just be a gentleman, and don't talk crap about her. Just let it go, let it pass. It's something that happened. But don't continue that, because it's just not going to be good for her life.

1:03:04 Adam It's never going to happen. Jay? You can't stop a 16-year-old guy from talking about getting late. Jay? I believe, when I had sex at 17, I actually had the woman's attorney approach me with a gag order, and I had to sign some documents.

1:03:21 Drew You still didn't stop.

1:03:22 Adam I kept flipping through it. Sign here, sign here, initial this, and I still couldn't help Gavin. Jay?

1:03:29 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

1:03:30 Adam All right. So you're 29. What's going on?

1:03:32 Caller Yeah. First of all, let me say, Jay, long time listener, first time caller.

1:03:37 Adam Great.

1:03:38 Caller Love the show.

1:03:39 Adam Thanks.

1:03:40 Caller I like to say hey and what's up to Tonic?

1:03:41 Caller What's up, man? What's up, dude?

1:03:43 Caller All right.

1:03:44 Caller Well, here's the deal. First question for Dr. Drew is this. I got every four to six weeks on those, I have these like, yeah, I'm on the phone. Hello?

1:03:54 Caller Hello. That's awesome.

1:03:56 Tonic I have my mother every four to six weeks pick up the phone and call them on it.

1:04:00 Caller Yeah, exactly. Nobody's picked it up for like the last two hours.

1:04:04 Caller He's been on hold for somebody.

1:04:05 Caller Yeah. So anyway, get these like little, they look like mosquito bites. Right.

1:04:10 Drew They sort of cluster together?

1:04:12 Caller No, they're not clustered. They're just, they don't itch, they don't hurt or anything, they don't have.

1:04:16 Drew They look like zits?

1:04:18 Caller Yeah, but without the head.

1:04:20 Drew Do they ever form heads?

1:04:21 Caller No.

1:04:21 Drew Okay.

1:04:22 Adam This is on your butt?

1:04:23 Caller Yeah.

1:04:24 Drew It's probably just zit-like.

1:04:25 Tonic Sounds like road ass.

1:04:26 Adam Yikes.

1:04:28 Drew There are a couple of things that can cause something called hyperkeratosis pilaris, which is basically a clogging of the follicles there. And sometimes it's going to be herpes. Again, I don't know exactly what you're describing, but recurrent vesicles and clusters on the buttock, it's a common herpes symplect.

1:04:42 Adam These are spread out. He gets the zits on the ass.

1:04:45 Drew That's probably what it is, yeah.

1:04:47 Adam Chicks dig that, by the way. Nasty zits. Oh, yeah. They like a little texture down there.

1:04:54 Drew Good color.

1:04:55 Adam Yeah. Oh, yes.

1:04:57 Caller Let me say, Adam, you're right on about the Junior College thing.

1:05:01 Adam Yeah. You have them.

1:05:02 Caller Everybody I know who went that route is either still there or hanging in drywall.

1:05:07 Adam Yeah. You never get out. It's like the Roach Motel. They check in, but they don't check out. It really is. Here's the problem with Junior College is, it's a college for people who can't get into college. You know what I mean? It's like all you eff-ups and stoners that didn't do well in high school, but your parents are pissed off at you because you're not going to college. Well, here's a place you can congregate, score some weed, eat a granola bar.

1:05:33 Drew We talked to a national audience here, and in the East Coast, Junior Colleges are things that sort of prep for Ivy League and things. They're sort of people that want to get another track in.

1:05:40 Adam Rally who? You know, when I'm in charge, I'm going to, I told you, turn Junior Colleges into prisons, and just there are the offenses. I'll put some barbed wire on top of them. As I explained before, I'm not going to bring prisoners in. Whoever's in the Junior Colleges are considered criminals, and they'll stay, and where are they going anyway? I'll only let the most bizarre nationalities attend. There's no reason, there's no excuse for white people going to Junior College. I'll let some guy who just moved from Cameroon or something, and had trouble transferring or something go there for a year and a half, or those wild Asian cultures, that's fine. They go there to work. They're not messing around. They're not the guys with the mullet haircuts who are just burning out in the parking lot with their El Camino. None of that's going to go on, you understand? So, I'll turn all of, I'll turn 90% of them into prisons and the other 10% I'll keep for the bizarre nationalities who have come here to study and get a better life, but no white people, except for the ones that want to be incarcerated. All right, Drew?

1:06:50 Caller Yeah, Adam.

1:06:51 Adam One of the platforms I will run on. Nina?

1:06:54 Caller Hi.

1:06:54 Adam You're 24. Yes.

1:06:56 Caller What's up?

1:06:57 Caller I broke up with a guy about a year ago and I started dating another guy and I'm still thinking about the first guy like daily. I mean, he's like in my thoughts all the time and I don't know what, you know, I don't know if that means that I truly love him. I know that-

1:07:14 Drew You know, all it means that you're not into the guy you're with. That's all it means.

1:07:18 Caller Okay.

1:07:19 Drew You were how old when you had the first boyfriend?

1:07:21 Caller 21.

1:07:22 Drew And why'd you break up?

1:07:23 Caller Well, I was kind of pressured by my, you know, my friends and my coworkers and my bosses and stuff like that. They all liked the other guy and I liked him too. You know, I had a crush on him and, you know, they all liked him. He had such a great personality and he still does. You know, we're best friends right now.

1:07:39 Drew What was wrong with the first guy?

1:07:41 Caller What?

1:07:41 Drew What was wrong? Wait, wait.

1:07:42 Caller What was wrong with the first guy?

1:07:44 Drew Yeah.

1:07:44 Caller They thought he didn't make enough money and, you know, he was kind of-

1:07:47 Drew Come on.

1:07:48 Adam They thought.

1:07:49 Drew Screwed up friends.

1:07:50 Caller And I didn't really care at the time, but then they were telling me like, oh yeah, you know, we went and did this and, you know, my boyfriend and I or my husband and I did this. And the first guy was like kind of really cheap, you know, and he and I didn't care, you know, because I loved him.

1:08:06 Drew But that's why do you leave him?

1:08:08 Caller I don't ask because I don't. I mean, I left him for a number of reasons. He was, you know, kind of childish. And at the time, I was caught every day.

1:08:19 Adam They smoke a lot of weed, Nina.

1:08:21 Caller No, no, no, never.

1:08:23 Adam I don't understand. Where do you work?

1:08:26 Caller I can't say what kind of work I'm an accountant.

1:08:29 Adam OK. OK. And people at work were, you know, was he an accountant, too? Putting the screws to you about breaking up your boyfriend?

1:08:36 Caller Well, I mean, it was it was like they were just suggesting that I would probably be a lot happier with this guy. And they didn't, you know, it wasn't like pressure like, oh, my God, you're going to lose your job if you don't do this. But the guy was kind of bizarre.

1:08:50 Drew The whole thing is, the whole story is bizarre.

1:08:51 Adam Hey, Nina, what we think, and I speak for the group, is you just couldn't have been that much into this guy for you to have some guy in the next cubicle convince you to break up with him.

1:09:10 Drew Either that, or there's much, much more to your story that you're not telling us.

1:09:15 Caller Yeah.

1:09:16 Adam Well, what is it? What did he do?

1:09:18 Caller No, no, no, he didn't.

1:09:19 Drew No, no, her story. Anybody that can't make, can't assess herself in a relationship so profoundly impaired at that assessment process that she has to go by other people's sort of impressions. Right. That speaks volumes about somebody who's got some big issues.

1:09:34 Adam What would you suspect?

1:09:37 Tonic What does your father do for a living?

1:09:39 Drew I don't know. She's going to tell us. She said there's a lot more here.

1:09:43 Caller There was a lot more going on in the first relationship where my family didn't know about it and it was like a bad situation with my family and-

1:09:58 Drew Why?

1:09:58 Tonic Are they Amish or something?

1:09:59 Caller Yeah, practically. They're totally against dating and the whole thing. So I-

1:10:04 Drew You're 24.

1:10:05 Caller I know and I make a lot of money and I have my degree and all that stuff but-

1:10:11 Tonic Hey, our drummer is in the other room. He's been kind of hurting me.

1:10:14 Drew There's some major holes in this story, Nina. Yeah.

1:10:19 Caller What aren't you telling us?

1:10:22 Caller What are you looking for?

1:10:23 Adam I mean, I'm not-

1:10:25 Drew What creates a Nina? What creates somebody who can't make decisions for herself even though she has a great deal of competency and independence as a professional, who can't make any sort of mature adult decisions about relationships, about whom she should be with?

1:10:41 Caller I guess I don't know what made me break up with him. It was-

1:10:44 Drew She'll get it.

1:10:44 Adam All right. Listen, Nina. What? Why don't you- You're not into the guy you're into? Yeah. I don't think so. So, I'll send a memo out to work, telling them to tell you to dump the guy you're currently with. Then, this will be a second follow-up memo- To the family. That discusses therapy. Yes. Therapy for you. Then, I'll CC your family on the memo, so they have a heads up too. All right? We'll do lunch.

1:11:13 Drew Nina, one thing we can't tell you is, you're not into the guy you're with now. That's all we can tell you. But we're very concerned about your separation from family and your sense of yourself in relationships.

1:11:25 Adam I really couldn't care less.

1:11:26 Drew I'm very concerned.

1:11:27 Adam Oh, you're concerned? Okay. I'm going to forget about it. I already forgot what the question was.

1:11:30 Drew Post it in my forum.

1:11:31 Adam All right. Alex?

1:11:35 Drew Alex. Is he sleeping?

1:11:37 Tonic He's in narcolepsy.

1:11:39 Drew This hour would not be in narcolepsy. Alex? Alex.

1:11:44 Adam Guys usually at least have the decency to snore when they nod. By the way, no greater compliment to a radio host. 43% of the people you go to on the phone passed out. Probably driving.

1:12:00 Caller On the side of the road, they're not driving.

1:12:02 Tonic Maybe we'll cut them in the middle of the 20-minute refreshing nap.

1:12:05 Adam Alex? Okay, we'll put Alex on hold.

1:12:13 Drew Alex life may be on hold.

1:12:14 Adam I'm going to take a quick call. Monica?

1:12:16 Caller Hi.

1:12:16 Adam You're 16?

1:12:17 Caller Yeah.

1:12:18 Adam You're 36 double D?

1:12:20 Caller Yeah.

1:12:20 Adam All right.

1:12:21 Caller Wow.

1:12:22 Adam Now, we're getting somewhere. How big is the rest of you?

1:12:25 Caller Nice rack.

1:12:26 Caller I'm about 5'11 and a half.

1:12:29 Caller That seems perfect.

1:12:30 Adam Hold on though. She kept the weight out, which is always a little bit suspicious.

1:12:35 Tonic You're getting out the calculator.

1:12:36 Adam 5'11 and a half, 36 double D.

1:12:38 Caller Radio math is happening right now.

1:12:40 Adam I'm going 186. Can I be D? Let me get back. Uh-huh. What's the weight? About 180. Oh, what? Wow. That is close. That's 180 after you stepped out of the sauna, though. I mean, 186 at least, right?

1:13:00 Caller About 180.

1:13:01 Caller Last time I went to the doctor, they said about that.

1:13:03 Adam All right. And you're 5'11.

1:13:05 Caller Yeah.

1:13:06 Adam Okay, so...

1:13:08 Caller The question is, and like I have back problems. I have like a lot of back pain and I was just wondering if there's like a way to fix it without like surgery.

1:13:16 Drew Yeah, lots of things. You have physical therapy, chiropractic, exercises with the focus on strengthening those muscles. I think that would be a smart way to go. You've got, you're a large frame person. You may be able to handle the proportions you have. If you build yourself up appropriately.

1:13:32 Adam Well, are you overweight?

1:13:34 Drew No, not really. But nothing could be more important than... Listen, the difference between people that look, feel well and stay healthy for long periods of time is exercise. Here's an opportunity to really get focused on that.

1:13:45 Adam 180. You're not a little overweight?

1:13:47 Caller No.

1:13:47 Adam Really?

1:13:48 Caller Yeah.

1:13:50 Adam I bet the band would beg to differ if they saw you in the green room. All right, Monica. Still, I mean, it's 511, 180. You don't want to get down to like a svelte 165?

1:14:04 Drew Oh, no.

1:14:04 Caller I'm happy with it. I mean...

1:14:06 Drew All right.

1:14:07 Tonic That's important right there.

1:14:08 Drew It's interesting. Where are you calling from?

1:14:09 Caller Alameda, California.

1:14:11 Caller Like near San Francisco.

1:14:13 Caller All right.

1:14:14 Drew All right, Monica.

1:14:15 Adam Are you lesbian?

1:14:16 Caller No.

1:14:16 Caller Okay.

1:14:17 Adam You got a boyfriend?

1:14:19 Drew Yeah, I do. Great. Why don't you discourage people from feeling good about themselves?

1:14:22 Adam No, because I'm miserable. That's why.

1:14:25 Drew People, make note. Make note.

1:14:27 Adam Asshole.

1:14:27 Drew Consider the source.

1:14:28 Adam All right. You know, I was at the DMV renewing my license a couple of weeks ago. And I was talking to the guy where you fill out the piece of paper with the height and the weight and the address and all that stuff. And I said to him, you know, like, is it important that it be accurate? You know, I mean, if a woman comes in here at 180 and writes down 135, do you have to confront her on it? Because you would, because that's your description, your physical description. And if a cop pulls you over or whatever. And he said, yeah, yeah, I do. And I told him, you know what would be the funniest thing in the world? You just, you know, if a woman came in, let's say she was 140, 145 pounds, she wrote down like, you know, 5'5, 128. You just, you just busted her balls. Just said, listen, I'm putting 220 down there. You got to be at least two bells. And I see your head, your head in that direction. I mean, come on, come on. I just think it would be the most bizarre conversation in the world just to put a hidden camera in there and have this guy argue with her. Are you serious? 128, come on, honey. I got a scale in the back. I swear to God, I'll weigh you. Women would, would punch you out. Drew, what are you doing? Stop doing the show now?

1:15:51 Drew Thank you.

1:15:52 Adam All right. Know what I like about you, Drew?

1:15:54 Caller What?

1:15:55 Adam There's a time that we go, we're supposed to go to break on this show.

1:15:58 Drew I'm breaking.

1:15:58 Adam And you're breaking. That's right. Whether we go to break or not. That's when Drew starts the phone calls, the outside business goes to the bathroom. He, his penis is on the break system. All right. Tonic is our guest. We'll officially take a break now, and we'll be back after this.

1:16:17 Drew Love line, with Adam Crowell and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back before you know it.

1:16:51 Adam Yep. Hey, it's Loveline. Jeff Emerson and Dan are all here from Tonic. Sugar is the name of the latest CD. Again, you can see him on Thursday night on Conan O'Brien, and you can see him coming to a town near you pretty soon, especially if you live in Europe. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. I see on the screen that Alex, who we went to last break, is now awake. So, we'll get back to him. Alex? I'm sorry. That's all right. I understand. I know I talk about junior college too much. You're just too naff.

1:17:31 Caller Okay.

1:17:32 Adam All right. You all right?

1:17:34 Drew Yup.

1:17:34 Adam Hey, Alex, just because your eyes are open does not mean you're awake.

1:17:40 Caller I'm awake.

1:17:40 Caller I'm sorry.

1:17:41 Adam Okay.

1:17:41 Caller Go ahead then.

1:17:43 Caller Well, I'm just 17. I haven't had a girlfriend since. Well, I had one when I was freshman year, but she asked me and it was just not, I wanted to go through that again. I'm sorry.

1:17:59 Adam Uh-huh. And so your problem is you don't have a girlfriend.

1:18:05 Caller No, I haven't had one.

1:18:07 Adam All right. You're 17 though, right?

1:18:09 Caller Yeah.

1:18:09 Adam Yeah, that's all right.

1:18:11 Caller You'll find one.

1:18:12 Adam Can you talk to women? Oh, yeah.

1:18:14 Caller I have.

1:18:14 Caller Most of my friends are girls.

1:18:16 Caller I'm the nice guy.

1:18:18 Adam That's not a great sign.

1:18:19 Tonic That's a flag right there. Do you like women?

1:18:22 Caller Yes, I do.

1:18:23 Adam You do?

1:18:23 Drew You're gay. They like him. He's a very nice, sweet, nice guy.

1:18:27 Tonic He understands them.

1:18:29 Caller Hey, Alex, he's like one of us.

1:18:33 Adam Women hate nice guys.

1:18:34 Drew They don't hate them.

1:18:36 Adam No.

1:18:37 Drew You could be both nice and close deals. If you're aware of what's nice. If you put yourself out there.

1:18:44 Adam No, you can be nice to your penis, but you can't be nice to your date. Women like, and I don't know why it's sad, but they're strangely attracted, and this is almost all women to guys that are a-holes, but that are assertive, who look out for themselves, who seem to have a sort of command over the situation. They don't, yes, they do not like guys to be sort of wishy-washy. They don't like it when guys say, I don't know where do you want to eat? Well, anywhere's fine with me. I mean, they want the guy to go eat. Here's what we're doing. We're going to Shakey's. We got to get there at noon because of the bunch of lunches.

1:19:27 Tonic Oh, man.

1:19:29 Adam You will bring a large purse because I'm going to bring a large pizza home. So help me God. And we're going to get down with the Mojo potatoes. And that's what turns them on, Drew. Believe me.

1:19:40 Caller They just want to be taken care of.

1:19:41 Caller Where's my bourbon? Exactly.

1:19:43 Adam They want to feel like, here's what they want to feel like. When you go camping and you're like a kid, you want a scout master. You want a guy who goes, we're going to march for five miles, we're going to bivouac, and I'm going to start a fire, and I'm going to skin something before the night is through. And I mean that in a very unpetaphilic, if that's a word like way. But I mean they want somebody who is going to sort of take control, not be abusive or abrasive, but in charge. And when you do that, whatever you like, I want to help, I want to, you help your whole life and you never get anywhere. Is that true? Yeah. All right. So what do you do? But how do you get that?

1:20:27 Tonic I don't know, man. I mean, I grew up, my dad was killed when I was real young, so I grew up with my... What happened to him? He was murdered. Wow. But I grew up with my mother and my two older sisters. So my mother, like, I was raised to be like the perfect gentleman, but I never had a good relationship. I can never figure out, because all my friends were jerks to women. And I was always just too nice. And eventually just women started just walking all over me in a bad way. And it wasn't until I got a little bit older that there's, it's like a fine line between being assertive and knowing what you want and being, you know, being mean. So I think in the long run, man, it's better to just be assertive, but don't be mean, because you don't want the girls that you got to be mean to.

1:21:08 Drew But being assertive does mean putting yourself out there a little bit.

1:21:10 Tonic Yeah, absolutely.

1:21:11 Drew And guys are afraid of that. They're afraid of rejection, they're afraid of being thoughtless, of their esteem isn't that good, when guys have nothing to hang their hat on when they're 15.

1:21:18 Adam Well, I put a sombrero on my erect penis when I was 15 and mixed around a party.

1:21:23 Drew It was great. You managed to do that, but most male esteem comes from who they become in their employment status.

1:21:31 Adam And here's what women want. They don't want a guy who opens the door every time, all the time and lets them go first. They want the guy who doesn't do that, that they can then convert to the guy who opens the doors.

1:21:43 Caller They want to make you the perfect man.

1:21:45 Adam They like the conversion process. Yes. And what happened to your father, by the way?

1:21:50 Tonic He just, he was, we actually never found his body. He was murdered when I was younger. He got a divorce from my mother and he was manic depressive. And this was before a lot of the new medication that was out. And he wasn't a very good father to say the least. He was very abusive. And he was in with the wrong people and he just disappeared one day.

1:22:10 Drew Was he a drug addict too?

1:22:11 Tonic No, he wasn't. No, he wasn't. He wasn't a drug addict. But he did like his drink. So I guess, yes, he was a drug addict. He was not alcoholic.

1:22:18 Adam Wow. And so did you ever really know him?

1:22:20 Tonic Yeah. I blocked out most of my youth because he was pretty violent when I was a kid. But the older I get when I got into therapy and stuff like that, because I was having these horrible nightmares and I didn't know where they were coming from, but what they were were memories. And they were surfacing in my dreams. And as I got older, after he had disappeared, I realized these are all sorts of weird memories and stuff like that. But it's kind of hard, I know, for guys who lose dads when they're younger, it's really important to be around guys, to be around that kind of support and to learn how to be assertive. And I hate the word mama's boy, but don't be a mama's boy.

1:23:01 Adam Wow. And how old were you in this habit?

1:23:04 Tonic He was killed when I was 10. So but my grandfather stepped in, a very strong Southern gentleman, and schooled me in the ways of manhood.

1:23:13 Adam Wow.

1:23:13 Drew That's how he knew that the Southerners didn't like Abraham Lincoln.

1:23:16 Adam Right. Yeah. I'm glad my dad's alive, but I wouldn't mind if someone like Tuchelman just kicked his ass.

1:23:25 Drew A strong Southern gentleman especially?

1:23:26 Adam Some guy, yeah.

1:23:27 Tonic Just directly in that remark, sir.

1:23:29 Drew Go 70 Sam or what?

1:23:31 Adam A light beating, I think, would it? Just to kind of wake them up a little bit. All right. Where are we going?

1:23:37 Drew We got to play a song.

1:23:37 Adam Oh, we're playing a song? Okay. Very good there, Drew. This is another song from Tonic coincidentally enough off of the CD Sugar. And this one is called Knock Down Walls. Yes, thank you. Knockdown Walls from Sugar, which is another good song. I'm sorry, from Tonic, Off of Sugar, which is another good Tonic song. Off the Sugar CD. Now I have that all straightened out. We are going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, who are we going to speak to, Drew? We'll speak to Francis, who's 24. Just got married, wife hates to pill. Now that's no good. Come on. Isn't anyone right, Drew? John? You all right? John is, we're going to speak to John. He's 18. We'll start reading the other ones. Girlfriend of three weeks, slept with another bunch of drunk guys. What's the confronter? All right. That's good, Drew.

1:28:16 Drew That's a good call.

1:28:17 Adam All right. We'll be here with Tonic. We'll get to John and his girlfriend after this.

1:28:22 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:28:24 Caller Okay.

1:28:30 Caller Love Line will be right back.

1:29:02 Caller All right.

1:29:02 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Tonic is our guest tonight. I was just explaining to him what a genius I was during the break and how I bowed to no man, unless it's for oral sex. And then that is a totally different situation. All right? All right. Now, everyone's clear on that. So do I. So do I. Hey. You're 18. Yeah.

1:29:25 Caller First of all, I'd like to say, you're right on about the Jim Rose thing. That was my first concert. Seen that thing? Yeah. Exactly.

1:29:31 Adam That's very horrific to see guys pick up cinderblocks with their testicles.

1:29:36 Caller Well, I've seen that for your first concert. God smacked.

1:29:40 Adam How do you, by the way, let's say you can pick up a cinderblock with your testicles. How do you stumble on to that? I may be able to do it. I'm not sure.

1:29:52 Caller I was talking to him. He said he didn't do it at parties or nothing like that. He was like, yeah, just do it around here.

1:29:56 Drew I was like, how did he come upon?

1:29:59 Adam I have no idea what you're talking about.

1:30:01 Drew He actually talked to the cinderblock guy.

1:30:03 Caller Yeah, I talked to the guy.

1:30:04 Adam Right. But I'm saying, how do you realize you have that talent?

1:30:09 Drew How do you come upon it?

1:30:11 Tonic You spill paint in the garage and your dad makes you go out and move the cinderblocks.

1:30:14 Adam Right. He's yelling, move three at a time, you bastard.

1:30:20 Caller I'll attach one to my pierced testicle.

1:30:23 Drew This is how the pyramids were built. I guess finally we've solved the Oh, that's why Jews have such huge balls.

1:30:30 Adam You're right, Drew. I've always wanted an answer to that question. All right, John, what do you want? Oh, your girlfriend. Yeah. What did she do?

1:30:38 Caller First of all, I met her about three weeks ago and started in the club one night, danced with her, didn't remember. Next time I went to the club, oh hey, you're the guy I danced with. I was like, okay. So I acted kind of decent. Nothing was wrong with her, nothing was wrong with me. Finally, wind up going to spend some time with her. The next day, I'm at her hot tub at her apartment.

1:30:59 Drew Hot tub theme going on.

1:31:01 Caller She's 17, so she's still in school and I work full-time. Whatever her house, I help her with homework and that. Somehow I brought out that these two guys who were up the door and I'm like, do I even want to know? Because there was another guy when I walked up the door that day that was already there. And I was like.

1:31:17 Adam Okay, hey John, we're not interested.

1:31:19 Caller Okay.

1:31:20 Adam She's dating a bunch of guys, she's screwed up, she's 17, she's going out dancing.

1:31:24 Drew Well I don't know.

1:31:25 Adam You're not into her, are you?

1:31:26 Caller Well I am, because well I told her when I.

1:31:28 Adam Well why are you into her? You met her, you danced with her, you didn't remember her.

1:31:31 Caller Well I did remember her the second time.

1:31:33 Tonic Yeah, it doesn't sound like love at first sight, that doesn't it?

1:31:35 Adam No.

1:31:36 Caller Well I told her, I was like, well if there's, are you going to do, are you going to be with me or are you going to be with some other guys? And she said, well I'm going to be with you. I got, and I told her, I was like, well she's like, well I'm flirtatious and I'm like, okay, I understand that.

1:31:47 Drew Flirtatious, translation, chaotic.

1:31:50 Adam Yeah, this is chaos, John.

1:31:52 Caller And that's where it's going to, is because I found out last night, I talked to her like 11 o'clock and then called her today and she just woke up at like 3 o'clock or something like that and was hanging out with poor guys, got drunk, had some, all this drink or whatever like that.

1:32:07 Drew Doesn't sound good, she's underage, hanging out with guys that are older, drinking like crazy. You have one play on this one and I don't think it's a good one, but the one play is I'm done unless you can really commit to this and if she comes after you and is willing to change her behavior, maybe she can change somewhat. But I don't think so.

1:32:22 Tonic She's not going to change, man.

1:32:24 Drew Get out. Not yet.

1:32:25 Adam No, not yet. That is the operative word there. I mean, you're 17, who do you know who really made a big change at 17? I mean, I changed my underpants twice at 17. That was all I did at 17. It's all the change. I got changed for a dollar once, and that was it. It's all the change I made. You don't do, I mean, 27, maybe. But she is going to have a good five years of solid chaos before she gets this out of her system. I feel sorry for her, but you do not want to go along for that ride. All right. Jenny.

1:33:04 Caller Oh, hi.

1:33:05 Adam You're 18.

1:33:05 Caller Yeah. Well, I.

1:33:07 Adam Did you say Lance Kerwin?

1:33:08 Caller Yeah, you know.

1:33:09 Adam James at 16.

1:33:10 Caller Sure.

1:33:11 Caller Hello.

1:33:12 Adam Yeah. See how little you know, Drew.

1:33:14 Drew That's indeed Jenny.

1:33:15 Caller Yeah. Well, I've been with my boyfriend for like two and a half years. And like I love him a lot and everything. And our relationship is really good.

1:33:22 Caller He's really nice to me.

1:33:23 Drew I mean, he's another nice, nice boy.

1:33:25 Caller Yeah. He does everything for me.

1:33:26 Drew So you got to you got to ruin him.

1:33:29 Tonic You got to strip somebody else. This is too nice.

1:33:31 Caller But the thing is, like, I don't know that I just can't like stay faithful to him. Like he's on him twice. I mean, I'm not like had sex with these people. I just like mess around with them, you know. But I just, I don't know. I don't know what it is. And I know that like it's not, you know, I shouldn't be doing that. I need to like let go, you know, but I mean.

1:33:47 Drew Let go of him.

1:33:48 Caller Yeah.

1:33:50 Caller Does he think you're not doing that?

1:33:52 Caller Well, he knows like about one time, but he doesn't know about.

1:33:55 Drew You're aware that you're not as into this relationship as you should be. You're aware.

1:33:58 Caller Yeah, I am. But see the thing is like, I mean, how do I let go? How do I tell him, you know, cause I want to be friends with him, you know.

1:34:05 Drew Forget that. That's cruel to him.

1:34:07 Caller Right. Yeah, exactly. So what do I say?

1:34:09 Drew You're going to have to sacrifice the friendship. And what I say is you just anything. Anything you feel comfortable saying. But the message is we got it. We got to stop. Yeah. Are you going away to college or anything?

1:34:19 Caller Huh?

1:34:19 Drew Are you going away to college or anything?

1:34:21 Caller Well, I'm in college right now.

1:34:22 Drew Are you both in the same college?

1:34:23 Caller No, no, no.

1:34:23 Caller He doesn't go to school.

1:34:25 Tonic No, that'll be a little easier.

1:34:26 Drew Living in the same vicinity?

1:34:27 Caller Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:34:28 Drew Junior college.

1:34:29 Adam You're junior college?

1:34:30 Drew Oh, no, no, no.

1:34:31 Adam You're really? Yeah. Where do you go? San Diego? Huh? San Diego State?

1:34:37 Caller No. Where?

1:34:38 Adam I don't know. Come on.

1:34:41 Drew Come on.

1:34:41 Adam Come on. Where are you going?

1:34:42 Caller No, I'm not going to city, but I just don't want to say.

1:34:45 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:34:46 Drew Huh?

1:34:47 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:34:48 Caller I'm going from Fresno.

1:34:49 Adam All right. Fresno State.

1:34:51 Drew I said Misalia State.

1:34:53 Adam Our university, FU. Is that where you're going? All right. All right there. Jenny, dump him, okay?

1:35:00 Drew It's over.

1:35:01 Adam But he's so nice.

1:35:02 Drew I know. Listen, if you like, if you care about him, don't be cruel. Get it over with.

1:35:07 Adam You're sorry. Right.

1:35:08 Drew Swift and wait.

1:35:10 Adam And that's the thing too is he forgave her for her first indiscretion, which means she's going to have the second.

1:35:17 Drew Yeah.

1:35:18 Adam It is now she was thinking about not screwing around a second time until he forgave her and was nice about that. And now it's cast in stone. Nicole.

1:35:26 Drew The only alternative to him not being nice is him leaving. Hi, how are you guys doing?

1:35:30 Adam No. I would, as an alternative to leaving, bang one of her friends. Now you've evened the score.

1:35:36 Drew Yes.

1:35:37 Adam And you duck taper to the chair and make her watch.

1:35:39 Drew Nicole.

1:35:39 Caller Hi, how are you?

1:35:40 Adam Fair, fair.

1:35:40 Drew You've got one minute.

1:35:41 Caller Okay. I went out with this guy for about a year and a half, and now we're really good friends. He has a new girlfriend now, and I kind of knew that. And the whole time we went out, it was really innocent. All we ever did was hold hands, which it didn't bother me any way. But now we had one incident where I was over at his house, and that wasn't unusual, but we ended up kissing. And he told me that he told his girlfriend that he loved me. And I don't know if he meant he loved me back then, or he loves me now, but I mean, he'll talk to me every now and then.

1:36:16 Adam Right. But you like him.

1:36:17 Caller Yeah. Unfortunately, I do.

1:36:19 Adam And he has a girlfriend. Yeah. And you guys never did get together when you were holding hands.

1:36:25 Caller We were going out, but I don't...

1:36:27 Adam You were going out, but you were holding hands. Yeah. But why didn't he make a move?

1:36:31 Caller I don't know. I think he was really mature for his age.

1:36:34 Adam How old was he?

1:36:35 Caller He was like the same age, 14.

1:36:36 Drew 14. Okay.

1:36:38 Caller And I mean, things have happened in...

1:36:39 Drew Here you go. Nicole, here's what you do. You let your feelings be known to him, have a heart-to-heart talk about whether or not this is a relationship that could be pursued now. If he is not willing to leave his present girlfriend, then move on.

1:36:52 Adam Right. All right. That's good. And speaking of moving on, we're going to do that ourselves.

1:36:56 Caller We about to get funky, yo. Oh, we'll be right back.

1:37:40 Adam All right. That's it, everybody. Tonic, go out and get Sugar, that CD. We really urge you to get it. Not only is it good, but I want Tonic to make millions of dollars. That is my plan. Thank you. All right, guys. Thanks for coming in. Our pleasure, dude. Let's not take such a long break next time. And when you go on tour somewhere around March, April, come on back. Definitely come on back.

1:38:10 Caller Thanks, dude.

1:38:10 Adam We will. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:38:16 Caller Yeah.

1:38:16 Adam Mommy. Well now.

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Sunday, December 12, 1999