Episode 1000754887851

3:03 Voiceover Now, here's Love Line. 1-800-LOVE-191 With Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

3:09 Voiceover What are you insane?

3:12 It's Loveline.

3:14 Voiceover Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew would be the one who is the board certified physician and the addiction medicine specialist.

3:28 Somebody spanked me.

3:30 Adam Shaun Palmer, who is the snowboarder extraordinaire, is our guest tonight. He'll be in here in just a few minutes. He's doing a photo shoot. USA called him the Athlete of the Year. And so did Details Magazine because the guy dominates the snowboarding stuff. Lord knows I don't know anything about snowboarding, but I know they have like a downhill race and a half pipe race and a snower cross or border cross or something like that. He wins everything and then he wins motorcycle racing and then he wins in the mountain biking.

4:05 Drew Oh, really?

4:06 Adam Yeah. He's like he dominates all the peripheral sports.

4:09 Drew What's our motocross?

4:10 Adam He's got to take up golf.

4:11 Drew The one that dominates the motocross sport.

4:13 Adam Jeremy McGrath?

4:14 Drew Jeremy McGrath is the equivalent of that in these sports.

4:17 Adam Yeah, well Jeremy McGrath just does the motorcycle racing.

4:19 Drew But he dominates.

4:20 Adam He dominates that. Yes, Shaun Palmer does that in the snowboarding and also in the mountain biking. Well, he'll come in here and tell us all about it. Anyway, Drew and I really pretty much had a date tonight. We met over at my place about 4.30 in the afternoon. I watched him change and clean up.

4:42 Drew I watched him shave and walk around a towel.

4:44 Adam We went over to USC. We did a little lecture tonight. Then it was back to my house for a little impromptu spaghetti meal.

4:52 Drew He's quite a cook. He knows the way to a man's heart.

4:55 Adam That's right through his stomach. Drew thought. Yes, how did you know?

4:59 Drew He's Italian.

5:00 Adam Drew thought he was going to, I said spaghetti. That's how he knows. Drew thought he was going to have some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But oh no. Big A whipped out the cutting board.

5:10 Drew Got out his big Viking stove.

5:12 Adam Got out my big stove. Actually, I'd left that out. I don't unpack the stove each time I use it. Got some nice bell pepper, some mushroom, some asparagus, fresh grated parmesan.

5:25 Drew I can't look at you.

5:26 Adam It's great. Then he proceeded to eat what was on his plate and then finished my plate off. Let me tell you something about Drew. Drew can put it away. He can put it away in a huge way and he eats fast too. He eats like a dog that you've had locked up in the yard for too long and he let him in. He had his nose in there before I was done straining the spaghetti. He went nuts with the cheese by the way. Actually, he started putting the cheese on and said, We're going to need more cheese. Like I was going to go on some sort of a cheese run. By the way, the reason he lapped it up is that we didn't start eating till 9 o'clock over at my house.

6:09 Drew 9.10.

6:10 Adam Oh yeah, 9.10, 9.15 and I'm a half hour away. So Drew really got down. I think he may get a little gassy.

6:17 Drew No, no, I kind of enjoyed it like that. Really?

6:19 Adam Sounds like some good grubbing.

6:20 Drew Oh yeah, I appreciate it.

6:22 Adam It's very romantic. Then he walked me to the door and he put his thumb in my ass. Oh, Mike, you're... Mike had a cup of coffee tonight, everyone. So look out. It's funny. There's, there's, you know, he shows up every night, but sometimes he really shows up.

6:37 Drew He actually shows up, yeah.

6:38 Adam All right, anyway, Shaun Palmer will be in here talking about the snowboarding and what it takes to be a champion probably in about 15, 20 minutes. Until then, Matt?

6:48 Yeah.

6:49 Adam You're 29.

6:50 Caller First off, I'm nervous, so please pardon. Well, the closest I've gotten to snowboarding is riding down my boys' sled, standing up, landing face first in the snow.

6:59 Adam Yeah, listen, I refuse to even attempt this snowboarding because everybody I talk to is in traction after they go snowboarding. They've all had some sort of heinous injury.

7:10 Drew It's always to the buttock, pelvis, and low back.

7:13 Caller Yeah, it landed in my face, so. My question tonight, to get to the point...

7:18 Adam Well, that's where Drew's ass is. That's why he says that.

7:22 Caller My wife and I have been trying to have a child for a little over a year, and she's just wondering if maybe it was the C-section we had when we had our first child.

7:31 Drew No.

7:31 Caller No. Okay. Because she thought maybe they slipped and did some.

7:34 Drew No.

7:35 Caller That takes back a lot of the question. And now could it be that maybe I'm taking too many bullets out of the chamber because Adam likes to practice what he preaches, right?

7:46 Drew You mean you've been taking Adam's advice?

7:48 Caller Well, yeah.

7:49 Drew Even knowing too much.

7:50 Caller My wife and I work two-step or shift. I just got off work. And I'm just wondering when I have the urge, hey, if it feels good, why not?

7:59 Drew Matt, I don't need any of your thinking on this. I just want to know the facts.

8:04 Adam We don't need any of your personal masturbatory philosophy, Matt. That's another show.

8:08 Drew A treatment position paper. Matthew and his masturbation. Matt, listen, you have another child?

8:17 Caller We have one child and we want another one.

8:19 Drew How old is the child?

8:20 Caller He's three and a half. He's going to be four here.

8:22 Drew And any problem getting pregnant with that one?

8:24 Caller Actually no.

8:25 Drew Anybody on medication or anything now? None. How long have you been trying for this time?

8:29 Caller I'm out a year and a half now.

8:32 Drew And you suddenly picked up masturbation as a habit?

8:36 Caller I've been doing it all my life.

8:37 Drew That's the point. Is your behavior different now than it was when you got her pregnant previously?

8:42 Caller Maybe just a little but not much.

8:43 Drew That's not going to make a big difference, right? And even so, even if it was a new habit, you can't really run out of sperm, okay?

8:52 Adam It's funny though. Masturbation is not something you stumble on to on your 28th birthday.

8:58 Caller Yeah.

8:58 Adam Believe me, you got at least 10 years under your belt there.

9:02 Caller I've got about 11.

9:02 Adam Pardon the pun.

9:03 Caller Right.

9:05 Adam All right, so Matthew, it's not the masturbating, obviously, because you were masturbating when you knocked her up 3 or 4 years ago, right?

9:11 Caller Right, yeah.

9:12 Adam All right. And it's not the C-section because that's ridiculous.

9:16 Drew Anybody on medications?

9:17 Uh, is what?

9:19 Drew Anybody on any medications?

9:20 Caller No, no, not at all.

9:21 Drew Is she menstruating normally?

9:22 Caller Yeah, yeah, she's fine.

9:24 Drew Go get an evaluation by a gynecologist or fertility specialist. You're trying for a year. If you've been trying diligently, you might get with the ovulation kits over the counter, try to get your timing down. But in spite of all that, nothing works. It's the time to get an evaluation.

9:38 Adam Well, you know my theory. Matt probably got a raise at work.

9:42 Drew Yeah, yeah.

9:43 Adam Probably just paid off the truck.

9:44 Drew Right.

9:45 Adam When things are going fine, you can't get someone pregnant. You pull out your front teeth, start boozing and bring a shotgun into work and get fired. That's when you'll knock your neighbor up through the fence. All right. Where are we, Drew?

10:02 Mike.

10:02 Adam Mike.

10:03 Yeah.

10:04 Adam You're 17. What's going on?

10:05 Caller Yeah, I just got a couple of questions. The first thing is, is it better to use two condoms? Is it any extra protection or not? My girlfriend seems to think so.

10:15 Drew No, it's actually a lesser protection because the condoms rub against each other and increase their likelihood of ripping or breaking. So it's worse.

10:23 Caller Okay.

10:23 Adam It's not like socks when you're breaking in a pair of skates.

10:27 Drew No, it's not warmer.

10:29 Adam No, you know, you're breaking in a pair of skates, though. You don't want to get blisters. You put on two pairs of socks.

10:33 Caller Right.

10:35 Caller My second question is, with my girlfriend, she's late. Yeah. But she's been real sick. Does that play any part?

10:47 Yes.

10:48 Caller Does it?

10:48 What is she sick with?

10:50 Caller She's had real bad cough and kind of like the flu, almost. She hasn't been really sure. She's been running around and coaching all of us.

10:59 Drew Maybe she's pregnant.

11:00 Caller Huh?

11:00 Drew Maybe she's pregnant.

11:01 Caller Yeah, that's the other concern.

11:03 Adam It's funny when the two condom question is followed up by the pregnancy question. Doesn't the second question sort of answer the first question?

11:11 Drew But I love the way he's thinking when it was, Yeah, she's nauseated all the time. She feels crummy. She's late. She must be sick.

11:17 Caller That's why she's late.

11:19 Drew I'm thinking.

11:23 Adam That's great. Yeah. Yeah, the guy's lost weight. His hair fell out. It must have given him cancer.

11:28 Caller Right.

11:31 Adam Oh, Mike. Mike, you're not ready to be a dad.

11:35 Drew Mike? Oh, someone came out and told him to get off the line.

11:37 Adam Oh, okay.

11:37 Caller He's his dad.

11:39 Adam Mike really. So according to Mike's strategy, if he used four or five condoms, that would really decrease the chance of pregnancy.

11:48 Caller Oh, yeah, sure.

11:49 Drew Please.

11:49 Adam What is going on in our school system, by the way?

11:53 Drew It was interesting. We were at SC tonight talking.

11:54 Adam I thought they teach a goddamn health class anymore.

11:56 Drew But listen, we were talking to SC tonight, to the head of the student services. He was saying how they were offering free HIV testing and people were flocking for the test. Yet, free chlamydia screens, which a significant, maybe 5% of the population there would have chlamydia at any given time, 60 out of 3,000 things he sent out, 60 people took advantage of it.

12:18 Adam What the hell is going on with HIV? Is it just some Hollywood thing? Did everybody have to jump on this bandwagon wearing that red ribbon and everything? Is it just some sort of cause du jour or something? How big a problem is HIV in this country, realistically? Are there more people die on mopeds in this country each year? Where does HIV rank?

12:43 Drew Young people, it's one of the leading causes of death.

12:45 Adam Hire and suicide?

12:47 Drew I believe so.

12:48 Adam You better check those stats. I'll kill you.

12:50 Caller I believe so.

12:52 Adam What about homicide and vehicle death?

12:55 Drew I think it's a head of accident and things.

12:57 Adam No.

12:58 Caller I believe so.

12:58 Adam It is not.

12:59 Drew But the point is, well, let's put it this way, it had been and it was looking dangerous. It was looking bad. The trend has shifted and the people with HIV are living a lot longer there and so have to die from it. It's better.

13:11 Adam Yeah. Listen, I don't think it's that big a deal. That's me personally. I just think we got bigger fish to fry, like the tragedy of second-hand smoke.

13:20 Drew Maybe it's because we've tackled this thing that we can go on to the stuff.

13:25 Adam How many people die in this country of the HIV each year?

13:28 Drew You know what? I used to let that up and side and down. I don't have it at the top of my head. It used to be around 150,000 or so.

13:34 Adam I guarantee more people die in that age range in automobile accidents. I would say triple.

13:41 Drew Mike, can you check on the internet for us?

13:43 Adam No.

13:43 Drew Come on.

13:44 Adam Come on, Mike. They took away my modem in here.

13:47 I can't get on line anymore.

13:49 Adam What? What'd they do, sell it?

13:50 Caller I don't know. Somebody stole it, I think.

13:52 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake. Can't you get on someone else's modem and go get on someone's modem?

13:58 Drew I told somebody at Westwood One that the computers here have to have a separate modem.

14:01 Adam Oh, really?

14:02 Caller I don't even know what that means.

14:03 Drew Not part of the computer, which is, where's your computer?

14:07 Adam Please. Okay.

14:09 Caller Let's move on.

14:09 Drew He's not supposed to have one at work, I see.

14:11 Adam Oh, I see. This place is such a dump.

14:13 Drew Karen.

14:14 Adam Karen.

14:15 Caller Hello.

14:16 Adam What's going on?

14:17 Caller Well, first of all, I just want to say, Adam, you are a god.

14:20 Adam Oh, Karen.

14:20 Caller I love you. I love you, love you, love you.

14:22 Adam There you go.

14:23 Caller Finally. Somebody with some smarts.

14:26 Caller Anyway, okay. I've got a problem. I have two questions actually. I'll get to my problem first. Okay. My nipples, they're always soft. Okay. They only get hard like when it's like cold, and when a guy goes down there, is he going to think something like, okay, why is it your nipple is hard or anything?

14:45 Caller Is it like-

14:46 Drew You are giving guys much too much credit.

14:48 Adam Yeah.

14:49 Drew They're not observing of much.

14:51 Adam They're not on some kind of recon mission. They're just there to get sex down.

14:56 Caller Okay.

14:57 Adam Your boobs could fall off. They wouldn't know halfway into it. They're not going to complain about that. No.

15:03 Caller I don't know.

15:04 Drew I'd be surprised if a guy ever noticed that.

15:07 Adam No. I don't even know if I've ever erected any nipples. Let me think about that.

15:12 Drew Some model ones one time, I remember.

15:14 Adam You mean out of clay?

15:15 Drew Yeah.

15:16 Adam Yeah. Sure. Sure. Everyone does that. All right, Karen, don't worry about that.

15:20 Caller Okay. I got one more thing. Are you ever going to bring Marilyn Manson on to your show?

15:24 Adam We'd love to have it on our show, but we don't... listen, listen. We get the cast of Malcolm and Eddie on this show. We don't get Marilyn Manson.

15:37 Oh, man.

15:38 Adam Yeah. Maybe he'll do it sometime. I always hear he's a good guy.

15:43 Drew His dad tracked me down at the MTV Music Awards.

15:47 Adam Really?

15:47 Drew And just talked about how he and his son watched the show all the time. Blah, blah, blah.

15:52 Adam Here's the thing about this show, and I was yelling at Drew about this in our car ride over to the limousine. Everyone seems to agree it's a great show. Every time we run into some celebrity, such as Ann Hayes or Ellen DeGeneres, they're all over it. They love the show. Everyone loves the show. Everyone wants to do the show, except for the part about actually doing the show. There seems to be some trouble there.

16:19 Drew The showing up part.

16:20 Adam And we go to parties, we go to openings, we go, well actually we don't go to any openings, but we go do things and we see people and we run into celebrities and they just couldn't be bigger fans of the show and they're just dying to do the show. But something happens along the way. I personally blame the publicist for this, but that's just me. I happen to think that they do not want a lot of their celebrities exposed to the harsh reality of the light of Loveline. I know it was a little bit bumpy, but they're scared if Drew Carey sits around for two hours in here and starts talking about all the hookers he's banging, it's going to hurt the ratings on his show. And the publicists don't want it to happen.

17:01 Drew Is that what he was talking about on our TV show? He kind of eluded to that kind of thing.

17:05 Adam Oh please, these guys are animals. I think he's insane. Brandy?

17:09 Yes.

17:10 Adam You're 18.

17:11 Caller Yes I am.

17:11 Adam What's going on?

17:13 Caller I had called your show a couple months ago. And I had mentioned the fact that I read your book and you guys were talking about son Pearson. I didn't agree with that. I don't know if you guys remember.

17:23 Drew Don't remember, but go ahead.

17:23 Caller It's really not important.

17:25 Adam What did we say?

17:26 Caller I heard from a friend and I also read in a psychology book that it was illegal in some states to give oral sex.

17:34 Drew I'm not sure if those laws have all been taken away.

17:37 Adam There is always a bunch of those old grandpa laws on the book. It's like you can't skin a buck on your front porch. If you are going to bleed a pig, it's just a bunch of nonsense that just happens to still be on the book, but no one pays any attention to it anymore. You know what I'm saying? It's the same with oral sex.

18:04 Drew Anal sex and homosexuality even.

18:06 Adam Right. Which I'm still with by the way. Come on, Drew. That ain't right. You all right, Brandy?

18:13 Caller Oh yeah, I'm fine. I was just reading a psychology book that says the crime against nature and it really stunned me.

18:19 Adam What's a crime against nature?

18:22 Caller They say oral sex is a crime against nature. It really stunned me. They could say something like that is so common. It's against the law.

18:29 Adam What psychology book were you reading?

18:32 Caller It's an abnormal psychology in modern life.

18:35 Drew From 1923?

18:38 Caller No, it's not that old.

18:39 Adam With a foreword by Woodrow Wilson.

18:43 Caller No, I'm not sure you guys know what it is. It's my mother's book.

18:45 Adam Hi Brandy. You got a tongue-bearing thing?

18:47 Caller Yes, I do.

18:47 Adam All right. Now look at you. You're consumed with oral sex, aren't you?

18:51 Caller See, that was exactly my comment right there. I'm not consumed with oral sex. I didn't get it for that purpose.

18:57 Adam All right. Hold on Brandy. I got to cut you off for a second. You're not consumed with oral sex. You're reading books on oral sex and then talking to your friends out of state about the legality of oral sex. For Christ's sake. I watch 17 hours of pornography a day. I don't think that much about oral sex.

19:18 Drew Seventeen? You're up to that now.

19:20 Adam Seventeen. What do you mean up to? I'm down to seventeen.

19:22 Drew Oh, sounds like you're in training.

19:24 Adam Started sleeping in.

19:26 Drew When do you sleep?

19:29 Adam What do you mean you're not obsessed with oral sex, Brandy? That's all you've been talking about.

19:34 Caller It just happened to come up.

19:35 Adam Oh, yeah.

19:36 Caller It just happened to come up in a conversation, and then I happened to read this. This was a couple of months ago when you told me this.

19:41 Adam Okay. But other than calling radio shows and discussing oral sex, you don't think about it.

19:47 Caller I figured you could tell me something about it.

19:49 Adam All right. Well, we can tell you that that tongue piercing is a green light. I see one of the tongue piercings and I put my penis right in her mouth. I'm telling you, if she yawns at a restaurant, I'll jump over the table and put my penis in her mouth. That, it's a magnet. It's what it is.

20:05 Oh, really?

20:06 Adam Yeah.

20:06 Oh, well.

20:07 Drew There you go.

20:08 Adam That tongue piercing means your mouth is open for business. You might as well just put those western doors, you know, those saloon doors?

20:16 Drew Yeah.

20:16 Adam Put them there, too. You can just bash right through. You know, I kind of miss those doors. There ought to be more places. Remember Drew, hold on a second.

20:26 Caller Hey, wait a minute.

20:28 Drew Maybe your theory about doors is not holding water here.

20:31 Adam No, no, no.

20:31 Drew For a while there we almost got rid of doors.

20:33 Adam Here's what I want to say, Drew. Don't get me sidetracked. Remember in the 70s, in the 60s?

20:40 Drew The beads.

20:41 Adam There were the beads. And then there were also those western doors. People would put those in their house or the restaurant or their tavern. The kitchen had those. A lot of like louvered, bifolding doors. A lot of this kind of thing. And it was back in the day when you couldn't just walk through an opening.

20:59 Drew Right. That would be something in the way.

21:01 Adam Yeah. And if it wasn't a place where you needed a door like the kitchen into the hall, you had to hang some goddamn beads or put some louvered crap there. There had to be some sort of something for you to negotiate. You had to like earn your place in the room.

21:17 Drew Well, if somebody had to let you know that you were exiting one room and entering another.

21:20 Adam That would be too easy for you to just walk from the hall into the kitchen. You had to negotiate these spring-loaded western doors with that TV tray you had.

21:28 Caller Man, those doors were everywhere for a while.

21:30 Adam I'm really glad that's one thing we forgot about and have left behind us.

21:34 Drew I think that was mid-sixties, really. By the time the early seventies came around, that's when everybody had them. But I think it was a mid-sixties notion.

21:41 Adam I don't know. The beads.

21:42 Drew Beads were sixties.

21:43 Adam Still going good.

21:44 Caller Yeah.

21:45 Adam Please. How stoned do you got to be to come up with that bead idea?

21:49 Drew How awful a time was that? Horrible. All you got to do is look at the architecture. And it says it all. That's right. People did the buildings is what they did to their lives.

21:58 Adam That's right.

21:58 Drew For twenty years.

21:59 Adam Let's take some cottage cheese, acoustic spray. We'll put some gold sparkles in it. We'll spray it on the ceiling. Then we'll take some nice burnt orange. Paneling. We'll put that on the wall. We'll use some Z brick. Hey, it's fake brick, everybody. And I was saying to a friend of mine the other day, what do people think of Z brick was brick, plastic molded brick like wallpapering. It's stuck out from the wall about a quarter inch. They used to give it away on the price is right.

22:30 Drew You could compress it too. It was like spongy.

22:32 Adam Yeah. Like if you put your cigarette on it, you'd burn right through to the wall.

22:36 Drew That's right.

22:36 Adam And I always I've said to someone the other day. First off, why should your den look like the inside of a barbecue? Number one, since having a bunker, a good thing.

22:46 Drew That was always it was always in the back of the stove.

22:48 Adam Oh, behind the sun. No, but people people would do whole rooms in it too, or they do the fireplace wall and then a whole wall along that way. And you could see the staples. And I thought to myself, what are people showing up the next day going, hey, herb, what'd you do? Knock out the wall and put some brick. Oh, no, it's plastic. I guess there was a time when plastic was sort of a novelty, so it was kind of cool to have it, but oh, that's Zebrick. All right, Venus, you're 23.

23:16 Caller Hi, how are you doing?

23:17 Adam Mike wants me to go to break.

23:18 Caller Long time listening to you guys. I love the show.

23:20 Drew Thank you.

23:20 Caller I've been listening to it since birth, it seems.

23:22 Drew Since birth? Wow.

23:24 Adam It's almost possible, Drew.

23:26 Drew Yeah, you could, I've been doing this. Listen, I've been doing this show since you were eight.

23:31 Adam Almost your kid's age.

23:32 Drew Seven, seven, seven, oh my god.

23:35 Caller I remember a time when there was no loveline.

23:38 Adam All right, you're about to begin a relationship with a recovering alcoholic.

23:42 Caller Right.

23:43 Adam Any pointers.

23:44 Drew All right.

23:45 Caller Yeah.

23:45 Adam All right.

23:46 Drew We'll get into this a little bit.

23:47 Adam They're like pepper spray and a flask. If it ever comes after, you can throw it and distract it. Hang on, Venus, we're going to bring Shaun Palmer in here. Well, first, we're going to take a break. We'll bring Shaun Palmer in here and he'll tell us all about the snowboarding and then we'll talk to Venus and all that after this.

24:05 You have five seconds.

24:24 Adam Hey, y'all. It's Loveline. Phone number 1-800-LEVE-191, fax number 310-854-4255, I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew. Well, USA's, USA Today's Athlete of the Year has showed up, Shaun Palmer. Let me just get this straight. Four gold medals at the X Games?

24:44 Shaun Palmer Over a three-year period, yeah, Adam.

24:46 Adam That's like 1.33 per year.

24:50 Shaun Palmer Lot of gold.

24:51 Adam Five snowboarding, world snowboarding championships.

24:55 Shaun Palmer Yep, five world titles and three junior world titles.

24:59 Adam And what about the motocross, the supercross?

25:02 Shaun Palmer Supercross last year, I qualified for a 125 main event at LA Coliseum and that meant more to me than any of these gold medals or any of these world championships because that is the baddest sport in the world.

25:16 Adam Hey, we had Jeremy McGrath in here just a couple of minutes ago. Oh, jeez, I got to try to. Oh, wait a minute. I got to get tickets.

25:24 Shaun Palmer Jeremy McGrath?

25:25 Adam I got to get tickets for this gig. Hey, Lynch. Hey, you know, we got to talk. I'm pointing at Shaun's woman because she also handles Jeremy and some friends of mine want tickets. And I got to talk to her about a whole bunch of things. I want one of those scooters, too, those like scooters that you fold up and then I don't know.

25:45 Caller What the hell do you want that for?

25:47 Shaun Palmer Is it a Yamaha Honda?

25:49 Adam I got to figure this out. But let's not digress. I just decided I need a scooter.

25:55 Shaun Palmer What kind of scooter?

25:56 Drew Down the hill or something you're playing?

25:57 Adam I just want a scooter. For what? No, I want one of those scooters. You know, like a skateboard with a motor with an engine on it and it folds up and it has like a handlebar on it.

26:07 Shaun Palmer You want a go-ped.

26:08 Adam A go-ped.

26:08 Shaun Palmer That's what it is. It's not a scooter.

26:10 Adam Yeah, I want a go-ped.

26:11 Shaun Palmer It's a lawnmower motor with a fold-up handlebar unit that you can put like in a trunk of a Toyota Corolla.

26:19 Adam Right, right. Thanks for working my name into that.

26:21 Shaun Palmer Hey, man. I'd like to be El Dorado myself, but I can't be.

26:25 Adam So you're lucky. He loves them Cadillacs. All right. So let's talk about you and then I'll figure out how I'm going to get my go-ped and why I think about Jeremy McGrath when I think about the go-ped. Why? I don't know why. I think he knows somebody who works for them or something. I don't know why I'm making that connection, but I'm going to try to work it out. This weekend, by the way, is the Swatch Bordercross at Bear Mountain. What is the Bordercross?

26:49 Shaun Palmer The Bordercross is pretty much a motocross track that they try to build. It's not quite as technical, which it should be, but it never is. This is the third stop on the Swatch Tour. The second stop was last weekend in Italy where I won the fifth world title, which was joined with that.

27:07 Adam And it's basically, is it five or seven guys doing a downhill simultaneously, jumps, berms, no whoop-dees. Are there whoop-dees?

27:19 Shaun Palmer There should be whoop-dees, but that would make us look pretty stupid out there, because we don't have no suspension except our legs, Adam. So give us a little break on that.

27:27 Adam Alright, and you guys all go down, it's just a head-to-head race.

27:31 Shaun Palmer Head-to-head, six at a time. You are right with six. Six go out of the gate at once. We have qualifiers and three advance. Three go to the losers' bracket, and yeah, yeah, yeah, all the way to the final.

27:41 Adam And as far as being faster than the other guys are in a sport that's pretty much, you know, it's a soapbox derby with jumps in a way. I mean, I always watch that sport and I go, now I wonder if the fat guys are going to go down the hill faster, or the skinny guys are going to cut the wind better, or maybe the guy with the most wax on his board is going to pull out ahead. And I know you got to negotiate a few berms and you got to take a few jumps and if you take a good line and if you have good skill on those, you're going to pull ahead. But for the first, I don't know, 75 feet or 100 feet, how do you figure out who gets out first? I mean, isn't that sort of God's will there?

28:22 Shaun Palmer That is definitely God's will and it's right out of the gate. You really have to time it right. And once you get out of the gate first, it's open road. It's like any other sport.

28:31 Adam Do you push off? Is there something?

28:32 Shaun Palmer No, you pull it, man. You got a handle and you're pulling. And it's the smartest man wins within five seconds. They say, rider's ready five seconds and the fastest guy out of the gate usually has an open road.

28:45 Adam Right. So it's sort of like BMX or even motocross in that you know about when the gate's going to drop, but to get the whole shot, you got to time it just right. And if you're a hair early, you're going to just spill over the gate, right?

28:58 Shaun Palmer Exactly.

28:59 Adam Now do they give you a restart if you do that or do they disqualify you?

29:02 Shaun Palmer That's a barge. Then you... I don't know what they do. I don't think we ever had... I don't think you really can barge. You just hit the gate and then, you know, you don't have enough power to really...

29:12 Adam Right.

29:12 Shaun Palmer You just get a bad start. You just get a bad start and you're in the back. So...

29:16 Adam All right. So... And other than being a better snowboarder than everyone else.

29:23 Shaun Palmer Well, thank you, Adam.

29:24 Adam Well, I'm just going off what the notes say. I mean, five world snowboarding champions. Championships. But is your board faster than other guys?

29:34 Shaun Palmer Oh, most definitely.

29:35 Adam It is.

29:36 Shaun Palmer It's a Palmer snowboard. It's definitely faster than anybody's.

29:39 Adam What a coincidence that Shaun rides a Palmer.

29:41 Shaun Palmer By the way, I got a free snowboard for you. But only if you're going to ride it. Because I heard you went skiing. It didn't go that well and you're not too into snow. I want to know what the deal is.

29:52 Adam I don't know if you can see the scar on the bridge of my nose here. When Drew and I get in the makeup, she takes a little black eyeliner pencil and draws in the part of my eyebrow that should have been there. That was from the one time I went snow skiing.

30:07 Shaun Palmer Now do you enjoy it or no?

30:09 Adam I enjoyed it up until the part where the 200 pound guy barreled over me with his skis and then whacked me and had to get a bunch of stitches on the bridge of my nose. But hey, if you give me a snowboard, I'll go. I'll probably sell it there. But I'll at least take it out to the snow.

30:25 Shaun Palmer You just have to go once. You can off it up there if you like, but I got one for you.

30:29 Drew I'll put my kids up on it.

30:30 Shaun Palmer God bless you.

30:31 Drew I've got you down with it, right?

30:32 Adam Please, Drew. I'm keeping this snowboard.

30:34 Shaun Palmer You better keep it.

30:35 Adam Venus. Yes. All right. Shaun Palmer is here.

30:39 Caller Nice to meet you, Shaun.

30:40 Shaun Palmer Nice to meet you. Venus?

30:42 Drew Now, Venus, you're about to begin a relationship with a recovering alcoholic, right?

30:45 Caller Right.

30:46 Drew How long has he been recovering?

30:47 Caller Well, he's been recovering for 11 years now.

30:49 Caller So I don't know how big of an issue it really is.

30:53 Drew How solid has his recovery been? How solid has his recovery been?

30:58 Caller Pretty solid as far as I know.

31:00 Drew Is he still going to meetings?

31:01 Caller I don't know.

31:02 Caller I don't know if he still goes to meetings.

31:04 Caller I haven't really gotten into it that much with him.

31:05 Drew Have you ever done any codependency recovery?

31:08 Caller No.

31:09 Drew Do you have an alcoholic parent?

31:11 Caller No, I had an alcoholic step-parent.

31:12 Drew Step what? Father?

31:14 Caller Yeah.

31:15 Drew And how old was he when he came into your life? How old were you when he came into your life?

31:20 Caller I guess I was about 12.

31:21 Drew So nothing before that?

31:22 No.

31:24 Adam How old is this guy?

31:25 Caller He's nearly 30.

31:27 Drew And what happened to your dad?

31:29 Caller He died.

31:30 Drew Of what?

31:31 Caller He died. Of what? Cirrhosis of the liver, of course.

31:36 Adam Hey, doesn't that count as an alcoholic parent there?

31:42 Drew Venus?

31:42 Adam Yes.

31:43 Drew It does. That was the point here. That's what I was asking.

31:48 Adam You got the world's dumbest callers. And I'm just going to go out on a limb and say listeners do.

31:53 Drew Do you want to do a recreation or is it not? It's too obvious.

31:55 Adam Let's do a quick Loveline recreation.

31:57 Caller Hold on.

31:58 Adam Shaun, you'll get a kick out of this. What's that? I'll play Venus, the caller. Okay.

32:02 Drew Venus, do you have any alcoholic parent in your life?

32:06 Adam No. Oh, I have a stepdad.

32:09 Shaun Palmer Venus, do you know where you're at?

32:11 Drew And he's an alcoholic? Yeah.

32:14 Adam Yeah. My stepdad's an alcoholic.

32:15 Drew Were you when he came into your life?

32:16 Adam Well, after my dad died, he came in, I guess, about five.

32:19 Drew Two. Okay. How old? Why did your dad die? What happened to him?

32:22 Adam Therosis of the liver.

32:23 Drew Okay. Okay.

32:26 Adam Venus?

32:27 Caller No, you guys.

32:27 Caller The stepdad was the alcoholic.

32:30 Adam Your dad died of therosis of the liver.

32:31 Drew No, no, no.

32:32 Caller Stepdad died of therosis of the liver.

32:35 Drew What happened to your dad, was the question.

32:36 Caller Dad just... No, there was divorce.

32:38 Drew But why? What happened with your dad?

32:40 Caller Just wasn't really there.

32:44 Drew Is he still in your life? Yeah. What's he like?

32:47 Caller We're not very close, but he's alright.

32:50 Adam Alright.

32:51 Drew I would bet he's an alcoholic too. I mean, mom would not just suddenly start seeking out alcoholics.

32:57 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Usually if dad number two is an alcoholic, dad number one was an alcoholic. But the kids are too young to remember because dad number one took off when they were about two or three years old and they don't really remember. Shaun, has that happened to your dad?

33:13 Shaun Palmer That's happened to my dad. Yeah, he left when I was born. I didn't even see him.

33:17 Adam Did you have dad number two? Did he drink?

33:20 Shaun Palmer No, dad number one that left me drank a lot. He still drinks.

33:23 Adam Oh, really? Did you go hook up with him?

33:27 Shaun Palmer No, I hooked up. He wanted to hook up with me when I was about twenty years old after he seen me on TV or something. I said it was a little too late.

33:33 Adam Yeah, good. What a nightmare. You know, that's the problem. You know, half the guys in the NBA, their dads are showing up at their door now. Hey, son, remember me? I can't remember your name, but you're number eighteen. Not on your jersey either. It's just I had twenty-two kids and you're number eighteen. I'd like to get back in your life and see if I can't get a shoe endorsement.

33:54 Shaun Palmer Let's have a drink, they said.

33:55 Drew Well, Venus, I'm kind of concerned about this.

33:57 Caller I don't. All right, don't worry about it.

33:59 Drew We don't know how solidly you're.

34:01 Adam Eleven years.

34:02 Drew Yeah, but it may be in recovery in name only. A lot of guys slip and slide around for those eleven years. And the fact that Venus is seeking him out. If you do it, you've got to commit to go into some Alan On for quite a while and work a program. Because this sounds like if he's in recovery now, you may be a part of pulling him out of it, if you're not in some sort of photo-pensure recovery.

34:23 Adam Don't save the world, Drew. Todd.

34:25 Caller The what?

34:26 Adam The world, don't save it. Todd. Yep. You're 22.

34:29 Drew What are we trying to do here now?

34:31 Adam No.

34:31 Drew What are we trying to do?

34:32 Adam I just want to get a paycheck and get home. And a snowboard, actually.

34:36 Shaun Palmer You've got a free snowboard. What you're whining?

34:40 Adam I got to get one of them skidaddles. What the hell is this?

34:43 Shaun Palmer GoPed.

34:44 Adam GoPed.

34:45 Shaun Palmer It's not a company. It's GoPed company.

34:49 Adam GoPed. I've got to get one. You know, I was talking to my friend, Kevin during when we were in Miami last weekend, and he said, I can't buy GoPed. I'm 37 years old. And I said, I can't buy one either. And I said, okay, here's the deal. I'll buy one for you and you buy one for me. You can go home and tell your wife I bought it for you.

35:07 Caller Yes.

35:08 Adam What's going on with you?

35:09 Caller Well, I've been dating another guy for probably about six months. And things are going real, real well. We're getting along really well and we seem to be getting closer together. But he's got a lot of pressure with his family. Like he hasn't told anyone in his family. And he lives with his brother. And it seems like there's another girl that's a friend of his brother's that is interested in him. And he's not interested in her because obviously we've been dating. But I think that there's pressure that he might want to date her just so that his brother doesn't find out about us.

35:47 Adam His brother doesn't know he's gay?

35:49 Caller No.

35:49 Adam He lives with his brother?

35:51 Caller Yeah. And I'm over at their house all the time. His brother just thinks we're friends.

35:55 Adam Does he think you're gay?

35:57 Caller Um, no.

35:58 Adam Really?

35:59 Caller No. He's never said anything.

36:00 Adam What do you do? You don't talk? You're over at the house? What? I can tell. I can hear in your voice.

36:06 Shaun Palmer Can you? Is your other man, is he hairy? No. No, he's not a hairy man? No.

36:13 Drew Do you believe that's the reason he was?

36:14 Adam Hairy guys don't go gay for some reason.

36:16 Shaun Palmer They don't. Because that's what I always wonder. I go, if I'm going to be gay, I mean, I'm going to cuddle with a hairy man as my partner.

36:25 Adam I can't get it.

36:26 Shaun Palmer I can't get it.

36:27 Adam You know why? Because hairy guys produce too much testosterone, which stops you from going gay.

36:32 Drew Is that so, Adam?

36:33 Adam It's a medical fact.

36:34 Drew I see. That's very interesting.

36:36 Adam Please, you find me a hairy guy who's gay.

36:39 Drew Todd, are you sure that he is not perhaps just making an excuse for why he wants to date this girl?

36:44 Caller I don't think that. I mean, he says he doesn't really want to date her. It's just that...

36:48 Drew Well, then he shouldn't date her.

36:50 Caller Yeah. I think that he doesn't want his brother to find out.

36:52 Caller That's BS.

36:54 Drew Look, it's not fair to her. It's not fair to you. It's nonsense.

36:58 Caller Right. Right?

36:59 Drew I don't think you should have to put up with that.

37:01 Adam Well, if he's dating her, he's clearly not as interested or committed to Todd as he should or could be.

37:08 Caller Right.

37:08 Drew I mean, to not be as concerned about Todd's feelings.

37:12 Adam And if he's worried about... I mean, imagine that. You're trying to keep the wool pulled over your brother's eyes and you're living with the guy. I mean, just get out of there. It's too much pressure. It's like bosom buddies or something. Just get out of there. It's too much work. You want to be gay? You want to go in the parade and stuff? You don't want to butch it up in front of your brother? Don't take this the wrong way, Shaun. But I'm telling you, we'd make a great gay couple.

37:39 Shaun Palmer Oh, I agree. Don't you think so? We got the same hatred attitude. Are you hatred? No, no. No, I overreacted. He's apathy.

37:49 Adam I'm apathetic.

37:50 Shaun Palmer I misspoke with that one.

37:51 Drew He has lost the will to live.

37:52 Adam I'm just saying.

37:53 Shaun Palmer Now, if we had two Harley, some leather chaps, and two snowboards on our back, would we be going to the mountains?

38:00 Adam I mean, you like to wrench on cars, right?

38:03 Shaun Palmer Oh, wrenching's my deal.

38:05 Adam Yeah, I mean, you probably got a whole snap-on toolbox in your garage. Oh, yeah. I got a whole box full of tools. I can do anything. We could go snowboarding. I'd be your escort when you go to Italy, and win those World Championships, and I'd be getting all the free booties.

38:22 Drew Imagine Adam on your arm.

38:25 Adam That's the whole part. I'd be into the entire lifestyle, except for the anal sex part.

38:31 Shaun Palmer And it would be the Corolla and the El Dorado. So the El Dorado would definitely be the man.

38:36 Adam Yeah.

38:38 Shaun Palmer You'd be my girl. You know what I mean?

38:41 Adam You would be putting your crank in my trunk. That's what you're talking about if you're working the car now.

38:49 Caller All right.

38:50 Adam Drew, you'd be a whole different kind of date. I'd treat you differently.

38:53 Shaun Palmer I would.

38:53 Caller What would I be?

38:54 Shaun Palmer I don't know what Drew would be. He'd be one of them really nice, fine.

38:59 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

39:01 Shaun Palmer Yeah, that's it.

39:01 Adam You don't take him to the drive-in. He's about candles.

39:06 Shaun Palmer He's not one of them dirty bathroom, kinky gay things. He's more like a take out to dinner dude. Right.

39:14 Adam That's how I'd treat him. Hey, Jim.

39:21 Hey.

39:21 Adam Jim, you're 18. Listen, we got to take a break here.

39:25 Caller Okay.

39:25 Adam What do you know about the vacuum penis pump? Alright, that's your question, right?

39:30 Caller Yeah.

39:31 Adam Fair enough.

39:31 Shaun Palmer I need it.

39:33 Adam We'll tell you everything you need to know about that vacuum pump. Shaun Palmer's here and we'll be back after this.

39:40 Caller Loveline, be right back in a minute.

39:58 Hey, it's Loveline.

40:00 Drew Can you believe, Mike, can you believe Adam and I are paid the same? Comes late, wanders in, talks to people at home. Imagine that.

40:09 Adam Come late on your ass. Hey, it's Loveline. You see how miserable this one, Drew takes the range for just 15 seconds.

40:17 Caller It was great without you here.

40:19 Drew I could at least pick up a little momentum, get a pace going.

40:21 Adam Shaun Palmer.

40:22 Caller All about love.

40:26 Adam Shaun Palmer's our guest tonight. He is USA Today's Athlete of the Year and I think Details Magazine's Athlete of the Year too. Four gold medals at the X Game in three years. Five snowboarding world championships. Qualified at the, which supercross did you win?

40:46 Shaun Palmer That was January 10th, 1998, LA. Coliseum last year.

40:51 Adam Yeah.

40:52 Shaun Palmer Corolla.

40:53 Adam And what about the mountain biking?

40:55 Shaun Palmer Mountain biking, that's a summer deal too for me. I almost won the world championship in that by 1500 of a second. I missed it in 96.

41:05 Adam Is that all downhill?

41:06 Shaun Palmer All downhill.

41:08 Adam Yeah.

41:08 Shaun Palmer There's dual slalom and downhill that I specialize in. There's also cross country. But that's for full, skinny, skeletor fitness freaks and I'm not really like them. I'd like to be. I appreciate it but I'm not like that. I'm more of a relaxed kind of guy that likes to go speedy, fast. Yeah.

41:28 Adam I look at the same thing when I turn on the TV. I see the Winter Olympics and I see the cross country skiing. I go, amazing. I could never do it.

41:35 Shaun Palmer Unbelievable.

41:36 Adam Now what's on another channel?

41:37 Shaun Palmer Exactly. Because they're going, they're going, they're going. You're going, God, this guy's an Iron Man, but it sure is boring. Yeah.

41:44 Adam At least in the pentathlon, the guy stops and drinks like a pony keg and then fires a rifle off or something, and then like skins a deer.

41:54 Shaun Palmer What event is that?

41:56 Adam Maybe I just made that up.

41:57 Shaun Palmer I haven't seen that.

41:58 Caller Can you write that? I don't focus.

41:59 Adam But yes, the mountain bike racing is cool, but I want to take a ski lift to the top and then coast down. I don't want to ride up the hill.

42:08 Shaun Palmer You want gravity sports.

42:10 Adam That's right.

42:10 Shaun Palmer That's exactly what you want.

42:12 Adam At least. It seems to me, and I know you didn't have a lot of experience with downhill mountain bike riding before you got into it.

42:22 Shaun Palmer How did you know that?

42:23 Adam I was reading the bio. It seems to me that if you got big wave-os and you're used to negotiating a hill at breakneck speeds on a snowboard, that the mountain bike, even though it ain't a snowboard, could be a fairly smooth transition. I mean, a lot of the same skills apply. I think they're translatable. Is that a word?

42:48 Shaun Palmer Definitely. When you ride BMX your whole life, you got bike skills and you always take the same lift up. That's a ski lift.

42:57 Adam Now, in the X Games, do they have a winter downhill?

43:05 Shaun Palmer Yeah, it's mountain biking in the snow.

43:07 Adam And is that, they put spikes on the tires and everything?

43:10 Shaun Palmer They put spikes on it, Corolla. They do spike them up, but I'm not, I'd rather ride my mountain bike in the dirt where it belongs, if you know what I'm saying.

43:19 Adam You know, one of the coolest sports in the X Games are these homemade dragster sleds. Have you seen these things? First off, they stop by deploying a snow shovel. The guy farts and a shovel comes out from where his ass is in the dragster, and it drags on the ground. I don't know why they all have a snow shovel on there. I see a guy, he's got like a Pennzoil sponsorship, he's got wind tunnel testing, he's got alloy and chromoly, tubing made out of the thing, his aircraft parts, and then a snow shovel comes out to stop him. They all stop at this snow shovel, even though they have these things that are worth as much as a Learjet now, but they stop by dragging a snow shovel. They should really just throw a piece of furniture, like an ottoman with a rope tied to it or something, or some sort of drag anchor. But these guys go 100 miles an hour down these things and they can't figure out how to steer them.

44:14 Shaun Palmer Those are called crack heads. These are manufactured in a little bitty garage somewhere where we've never seen. And I don't know what they do.

44:25 Adam They go fast in a straight line, but no one can figure out how to steer them or stop them.

44:31 Shaun Palmer But they blow up at the bottom, because I've seen them blow up.

44:34 Adam They hit the, they go to the bottom and they run into a big cargo net and they fall apart.

44:39 Shaun Palmer And then the camera zooms in on the guy's face and he's a hero, because he lived through it.

44:45 Adam Yeah, I know. And listen, I'd build one of those and just put a chimp in it and send it down, like the space program.

44:52 Shaun Palmer Like rat testing or something.

44:54 Adam I know, the guy's a hero because he got drunk enough to climb in the thing. Jim.

45:00 Caller Hey, how's it going?

45:00 Adam All right, so you're 18 and you want to know about the vacuum-powered penis pump.

45:06 Caller Well, as a man, I was at the back of the line when God was handing out genitalia.

45:11 Shaun Palmer I'm with you. I'm with you.

45:14 Caller I mean, I was way back there.

45:16 Shaun Palmer All right.

45:19 Caller My question is, you know, I hear these on the radio late at night, that is. You know, oh, buy my, buy this penis pump.

45:26 Adam No, you don't. Does anyone advertise that on the radio?

45:29 Caller Yeah. What station?

45:30 Adam Should the FCC step in at some point?

45:35 Caller Pump it up, yo. In Chicago. In Chicago.

45:37 Adam And what are they, they don't call it a penis pump. They must, they must call it like an ego enhancement device or something.

45:47 Drew Appendage enhancer.

45:48 Adam The, listen, the penis pump works if you keep it on. That's what I'll do. I'll just go ahead and pull the tube off the end and pull the condom up over the actual pump. But boy, it stays hard for hours.

45:59 Shaun Palmer You can't turn that thing bright red and hold on.

46:03 Caller Well, the question is that, is it worth, is it really going to happen if I were to buy this thing that's quite expensive?

46:12 Caller No.

46:13 Shaun Palmer I think this is Drew's call, actually.

46:16 Drew The answer is useless.

46:17 Adam I don't want to piss off any potential sponsors of the show. Me neither. But, Drew, the penis pump uses vacuum pressure to draw blood to the penis, correct?

46:31 Drew Correct.

46:32 Adam And then the penis becomes engorged with blood.

46:34 Drew Right. You could use a hand if you wish, but the vacuum device would...

46:37 Adam Right. Now, every morning when you wake up with a boner, there's blood drawn to your penis.

46:44 Drew Well, if that were the case, it would just grow and grow and grow.

46:46 Adam Right. It is not like another muscle.

46:48 Drew No.

46:49 Adam Unfortunately. I don't know why God was so cruel with that. Meaning, when you do a curl, you draw blood to the muscle, right?

46:59 Drew That's not what makes it grow, though.

47:01 Adam It doesn't?

47:01 Drew It's part of it.

47:02 Adam Okay. But the penis, you couldn't enlarge to exercise.

47:05 Drew No.

47:06 Adam No. All the penis pump does is, Drew, what Mother Nature already does. Now, they have penis bumps for guys. I just saw one at the Thrifties when I was at the pharmacy the other day. They have a pump that if you're having erectile difficulty, will draw the blood to your penis and then you snap a ring, like an O-ring at the base of it, like a clown tying a balloon at a kiddie's kid's party and it keeps it in there. So you suck it all in. I'll use my finger shot. Suck it all in.

47:40 Shaun Palmer Don't use your pinky, man. Don't make fun of me.

47:42 Adam And before, before it can come out, you snap this ring around the base and when you want it to drain, you pull the thing off and it drains back down again.

47:50 Shaun Palmer It drops.

47:51 Adam Yeah.

47:52 Drew Actually, it's a spring loaded thing that snaps that thing around the base.

47:55 Adam Yeah, there's an applicator.

47:57 Shaun Palmer Now, wouldn't an International Club magazine do the same sort of effect as the pump itself? I mean, if you're into women?

48:05 Adam Yes, it would unless you have a problem with your vascular system, right Drew? And so, in which case you need to rely on vacuum pressure. Andy.

48:17 Caller Hi.

48:18 Adam You're 24.

48:19 Caller Yep.

48:20 Adam What's going on?

48:20 Caller Love the show, guys.

48:21 Adam Thanks.

48:23 Caller My question is for Shaun.

48:24 Shaun Palmer All right. How are you doing, Andy?

48:27 Caller Pretty good.

48:27 Shaun Palmer Where are you from, man?

48:28 Caller Originally from Springfield, Missouri.

48:30 Shaun Palmer Missouri?

48:31 Caller Yeah.

48:31 Shaun Palmer My grandfather lives in Missouri.

48:33 Caller That's a great place.

48:34 Shaun Palmer Yeah.

48:35 Caller I'm staying in Hollywood now.

48:36 Shaun Palmer Right on the river.

48:37 Caller Yeah. My question is, I'm curious as to, I kind of identify with you. I tend to be good at most of things that I do, sports activity-wise.

48:50 Shaun Palmer Including women? Come on, don't lie.

48:55 Caller I tend to.

48:56 Shaun Palmer More a sports guy?

48:58 Caller Yeah, more a sports guy. I don't think I have a lot of time, but I try to, it's hard to find time to practice a little time and get good at something when I've got to work, too. And I was wondering, do...

49:10 Shaun Palmer You're talking to the wrong guy about time, that's for sure.

49:14 Caller You spend all your time.

49:15 Shaun Palmer Oh, it's unbelievable.

49:16 Caller But how do you do that?

49:17 Caller How do you, I mean, do the sponsors take care of you? Or is it, how do you get started?

49:23 Shaun Palmer Well, my sponsors take care of me as far as traveling and paying for it. But as far as the anxiety attacks and pressure that I put on myself, that's all my own fault.

49:32 Caller Right.

49:32 Shaun Palmer Yeah.

49:33 Caller But getting started, how do you, I mean, did you just start out just kind of hobby-ish and you know, go for it?

49:39 Shaun Palmer Yeah, kind of hobby-ish, I'd say. Corolla, what do you think? Hobby at first and then you kind of roll into the profession or?

49:47 Adam I think...

49:48 Shaun Palmer What do you think?

49:48 Adam Well, you stop me if I'm wrong here, Shaun. But I don't think it's different than starting a career in show business or starting a band. What do you do when you have to practice and you're not getting paid and you've got a daytime job? How do you get the band off the ground? It's the same thing. I mean, you chip away, you chip away, you chip away. And only the ones that are dedicated enough, after they put in a 40-hour week and the wife's screaming at them and the kids crying, and they can still find a few hours to go practice the drums or the downhill snowboard or hit the weights or whatever the hell it is or go do some stand-up at some club that no one wants to see at for free.

50:27 Caller It's getting a little cathartic here.

50:29 Adam Sorry, sons of bitches. The point is, that's how you separate the wheat from the chaff, right?

50:36 Shaun Palmer That's how. You just have to stick with it and you will succeed if you really want to.

50:42 Drew No, we're going to make like this.

50:43 Adam Right, but your plan of getting a sponsor before you can actually go down the hill is probably, in theory, it's good except for practically no one's going to sponsor you. All right, hey, it's the Loveline. We're going to take a little ten-second top-of-the-hour station identification break, and we'll be back in ten seconds with more Loveline.

51:13 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

51:28 Adam It is the Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. A little correction, I said wheat from the chafe, it's wheat from the chaff, which I thought about. So I had Drew look it up, and Drew's still immersed in the dictionary, everybody. Hey, you know you're boring when your partner's got his face stuffed in a dictionary.

51:49 Caller Yeah.

51:50 Adam I mean, if there's a bottle of salad dressing and Drew could read the ingredients on it, and the Hawaiian Thousand Island Giveaway sweepstakes, he would gladly do that. Anything instead of sit here and listen to my ass all night. You got it.

52:05 Shaun Palmer But I think he would probably be right.

52:08 Adam Yes. Weep.

52:10 Shaun Palmer Huh?

52:11 Adam Weep from the chest. Shaun Palmer, who is USA Today called the Athlete of the Year. So did...

52:19 Shaun Palmer That's real.

52:20 Adam So did Details Magazine. Four gold medals at the X Games, five snowboarding world championships. I mean, this guy excels at every sport. If it involves speed.

52:32 Shaun Palmer But there is nothing like Supercross. I must plug that some more.

52:37 Adam No, I totally agree with you. I mean...

52:40 Shaun Palmer There's motors. It's not gravity. You start them up, you smell the oil, you see the crowd. I mean, it's a different deal.

52:47 Adam Well, it's a gut busting sport of warriors.

52:50 Shaun Palmer It is.

52:50 Adam At least according to the 70s commercial. I used to listen to it. There's nothing better than when the Super Bowl of Motocross would show up at the LA Coliseum. And they would drop 120 feet through the night air, through the peristyle, down to the floor of the Coliseum, and then through the whoop-de-do's.

53:09 Caller They're all gonna be there. It's like...

53:12 Adam What they try to do is intimidate you into going. Like, you're scared. Maybe if you stay home, the announcer's gonna catch wind of it, come over and kick your ass. That's how they kind of used to do it. Same with the drag racing. Shirley, Cha-Cha, Mo Downey, the shy town hustler. TV's Tommy Idol.

53:31 Drew Lion Speedway.

53:32 Adam You know, it's great, too, is when they get some kind of trumped-up sort of argument going between the two guys. It's like, in the drag racing one, they'd go, oh, who was it? Shirley, Cha-Cha, Mo Downey, says she's going to take that trophy this year, but Big Daddy Don Goh has got other ideas. I was like, really? Did you really talk to Shirley and Big Daddy and get it sorted out before you came on the radio? Or is that just speculation on your part? All right. Do you remember the commercial?

54:03 Shaun Palmer Which one was that?

54:04 Adam It was a drag racing one where the guy explained what nitro-fuel did.

54:11 Shaun Palmer I don't know. What year was I born?

54:13 Adam Must have... How old are you now?

54:15 Shaun Palmer I'm 30. How old are you?

54:18 Adam I'm 34.

54:19 Shaun Palmer Okay.

54:19 Adam It went... Let me test the reverb. Okay. So he'd go, he'd go, nitro-methane. Drop it on the ground. Drop a match on it. Virtually nothing. But put it inside a 500 cubic inch Hemi-Head Mopar engine.

54:33 Caller Liquid Dynamo!

54:37 Adam He also threw in the Some Go, Some Blow.

54:43 Shaun Palmer Sounds like a new monster truck ad to me.

54:45 Drew You're gonna find that announcer.

54:47 Adam I would love to just find some of those...

54:49 Drew Scott Mason knew him.

54:50 Adam Oh, really?

54:51 Drew Yep.

54:51 Adam I would love to find... Scott Mason probably has like a fourth pager with that guy's number. Have you seen Scott Mason's... Scott Mason's the engineer over K-Rock. He not only has pagers, but he has a pager belt. It has a holster on it. I mean, his pagers snap out. He's a multi-pager guy. Jenny. All right, page me.

55:14 Drew Jenny.

55:14 Caller Yeah? What's going on? No, well, Adam made that comment about gay guys aren't hairy.

55:19 Shaun Palmer Yeah?

55:20 Caller Well, my dad is gay and he's hairy as hell.

55:24 Adam Oh, talk about a one-two punch.

55:26 Shaun Palmer We got two gay bears.

55:28 Caller Yeah, there's like a whole magazine. There's a whole thing for hairy guys into hairy guys.

55:33 Shaun Palmer Oh, wow. They got hairy gay guy magazine?

55:39 Drew Yes, they do.

55:39 Caller It's called Bear.

55:42 Shaun Palmer Did I call that one? Did I call that one?

55:44 Adam How do they spell bear?

55:47 Drew Bear.

55:47 Shaun Palmer Alright. I called that one.

55:50 Adam And bear. And it's so other, it's so hairy guys can meet other hairy guys?

55:55 Caller Well, it's like a porno magazine with hairy guys in it.

56:00 Shaun Palmer How did you find this magazine?

56:01 Caller Yeah, that's what I was wondering.

56:02 Caller You know like how all, well, lots of dads have like their little porno stash?

56:08 Shaun Palmer I guess.

56:09 Drew How old were you when you found his porno stash?

56:10 Caller I was probably like 14.

56:12 Drew How was it growing up with a gay dad? What was it like growing up with a gay father?

56:16 Caller It was fine. I found out when I was like 12 or 13. And my parents got divorced when I was seven.

56:22 Drew That must have been tough.

56:23 Caller I think I kind of knew before that.

56:25 Drew That must have been tough, though, that your parents were separated when you were seven.

56:29 Caller Yeah.

56:30 Caller He was around a lot, though. I have a really, really good relationship with him.

56:34 Shaun Palmer So I need to butt in here. So when the Super Bowl went on, was there like 15 hairy guys at your house and you were the only one around?

56:42 Caller No.

56:44 Drew But there's a case in point here. I mean, what counts is the parents' availability for the children.

56:48 Caller Absolutely.

56:49 Drew Emotionally.

56:49 Adam Listen, I could see a gay guy being a better dad than most of the guys who call in this show. First off, he probably ran a pretty tight ship. I mean, it wasn't like a denty more stew cans all over the place, cigars put out in the sink, and dirty underpants everywhere, right? He kept it together. Play smelled of potpourri?

57:12 Caller Well, no. But he's like a regular guy. Like, you said you could hear that that guy was gay who called before. You would have no idea, my father.

57:21 Adam Right. Well, he's the hairy gay guy.

57:23 Caller He looks like, kind of like Robin Williams with a beard.

57:25 Caller Right.

57:27 Adam He's like Ed Asner or something.

57:29 Caller Exactly.

57:30 Adam All right, so you're all right with that.

57:31 Caller Oh, yeah.

57:32 Adam Okay.

57:33 Caller I'm fine with it now.

57:34 Adam All right. I appreciate that correction. But I still think it's a very small percentage of men who are gay. Most, you know, I picture gay men and I do picture gay men.

57:46 Shaun Palmer I try to understand it myself.

57:48 Adam They're sort of hairless. You know what I mean? They're like mango. They're like the mango. You know what I mean? Put the mango on, Mike.

58:00 Caller Oh, command him.

58:01 Adam Oh, he's got to stand up.

58:03 Drew For Christ's sake.

58:05 Caller All right.

58:05 Adam Oh, we're going to another. That's all right. Go ahead. You put the mango on whenever you're ready.

58:10 Caller Katie?

58:11 Caller Yeah.

58:11 Caller What's up?

58:12 Caller Hi.

58:14 Caller Hi, Shaun. I think you're a great athlete.

58:16 Caller I think you're a snowboarder.

58:17 Shaun Palmer Thank you very much.

58:19 Caller No problem. My question was, I don't have that many guy friends. And every time that I seem to make a friend, they seem to use me in some way, like we'll be hanging out or something, and we'll just like make a move, and I for some reason can't really know.

58:36 Shaun Palmer Do you let them use you or are they just trying to use you?

58:39 Caller Well, both.

58:41 Caller Like, they make the first move, and sometimes I let them, and sometimes I don't.

58:46 Drew Not all guys are that inappropriate. In other words, there's only one constant here. Either all guys are total a-holes, which is almost true, but not totally true, or something Katie's doing is responsible for this.

59:02 Shaun Palmer Yeah, are you teasing them a lot?

59:05 Drew I would say it's more about the choice.

59:06 Caller Hanging around with the wrong guys.

59:08 Shaun Palmer Are you beautiful?

59:10 Caller I don't think so.

59:11 Caller Other people do.

59:12 Caller How tall are you?

59:14 Caller Five-six.

59:16 Adam Listen, when you say, I don't think so, other people do, it's really like you saying, yes, I am.

59:21 Shaun Palmer I'm beautiful.

59:23 Drew That's a glib way of saying I am.

59:24 Caller Right.

59:25 Adam Okay. So you're good looking, guys like you. You hang out with a lot of jerks, right?

59:31 Caller Yeah.

59:32 Drew Why?

59:33 Caller I have no idea.

59:34 Drew Well, why do you choose to hang out with idiots?

59:36 Caller I don't know. It's just like all the guys that I make friends with seem to be like that.

59:40 Drew Why do you choose to make friends with idiots?

59:42 Shaun Palmer Don't cap on idiots too much. I classify myself as an idiot.

59:46 Drew But there's no for-and-for.

59:48 Shaun Palmer Now, I'm a very successful idiot myself.

59:51 Drew I agree.

59:51 Shaun Palmer You just chill a little bit.

59:52 Adam Let me tell you something about Shaun. I don't know if he's book smart, but he has a certain je ne sais quoi. He has a certain style to him, a certain attitude, and a certain sort of street savvy that is very apparent. May not come through on radio, but I can feel it in the room. All right, Katie? Yeah. Is your dad a jag ass?

1:00:12 Caller No.

1:00:13 Adam He's a good guy?

1:00:14 Caller Yeah.

1:00:14 Drew Is he around?

1:00:15 Caller Yeah.

1:00:16 Adam You love him very much?

1:00:17 Caller Yeah.

1:00:17 Adam Okay, well stop disappointing him then, would you?

1:00:20 Caller Well, it's kind of hard.

1:00:22 Drew No, it's not hard at all.

1:00:23 Caller I don't know what I'm doing wrong, why all the guys that I make friends with are like that.

1:00:27 Adam Well, it's all you.

1:00:29 Drew You're making friends with those kinds of guys.

1:00:31 Shaun Palmer Do you have a lot of girl friends?

1:00:32 Caller Yeah, tons.

1:00:34 Shaun Palmer Well, I don't know why you'd be upset with... Oh, I don't know. I'm lost.

1:00:39 Adam All right. Listen, Katie?

1:00:40 Caller Yeah?

1:00:41 Adam Stop hanging around with idiots.

1:00:42 Drew If you find guys that are fun and exciting, go the other way.

1:00:45 Adam If you're attracted, find a guy with a nice windbreaker.

1:00:49 Shaun Palmer I'll be a nice guy.

1:00:50 Caller That would be good for you.

1:00:52 Shaun Palmer Can we set it up, Adam? Is it legal on the radio to set up dates? I mean, not a date, but just a friendship, a start, something where I could just get to her without touching her or feeling her.

1:01:03 Caller The 15-year-old?

1:01:04 Adam She's 15.

1:01:05 Caller Katie, the 15-year-old?

1:01:06 Shaun Palmer Uh, I'm sorry.

1:01:08 Caller Then again.

1:01:08 Shaun Palmer I'm sorry.

1:01:09 Caller I'm 30.

1:01:11 Adam Mike, you got the mango?

1:01:13 Caller No, you can't have a man.

1:01:15 Caller No mango for you.

1:01:20 Adam I love the mango. All right, here we go. Now, where the hell are we, Drew? No mango for you. I'm looking at a call that says like, uh, uh, wife's, uh, wee-wee is, uh, dripping. All right, go ahead. Yeah, that, that sounds like, uh, my kind of call. Robert?

1:01:39 Caller Yeah.

1:01:39 Adam What's going on with the wife?

1:01:41 Caller Uh, she's, she's, uh, 36 weeks pregnant today.

1:01:45 Adam And, uh, Drew, again, given their six years. What is 30? How many months?

1:01:51 Caller Weeks. It's about eight months.

1:01:55 Shaun Palmer They have them in nine, right? Yeah.

1:01:57 Adam Right.

1:01:57 Caller Yeah.

1:01:57 Shaun Palmer Go ahead.

1:01:58 Caller Okay. And this is our third child. And with this child, she's got like a mucus drip coming out of her, like almost every day. And yesterday, she came out of the bathroom and she's like, I got this mucus drip coming out of me and it's just hanging on me like a burger.

1:02:16 Shaun Palmer I'm out of this one.

1:02:17 Drew Like a bur- a booger?

1:02:18 Caller Yeah. You know, like-

1:02:20 Drew It's coming out of her vagina?

1:02:22 Caller Yeah.

1:02:22 Adam You just added eight minutes to tonight's whack-off session. Robert, I hope you're satisfied. Making a total of eight and a half minutes. I have to spend on myself tonight. Hey, Robert, hold on a second now. How old is your wife?

1:02:42 Caller She's twenty-two.

1:02:44 Adam Third kid. Third kid?

1:02:45 Caller Yep.

1:02:46 Adam What do you do? Are you a professional golfer? What do you do?

1:02:50 Caller How much money do you make?

1:02:51 Caller I work at Modus Media. I make- I send out computer software.

1:02:56 Adam Yeah. What are you pulling down a year?

1:02:59 Caller Probably about twenty to thirty thousand a year.

1:03:01 Adam Twenty to thirty. Let me do a little Loveline radio transition.

1:03:06 Caller About middle class.

1:03:07 Adam Eighteen to twenty-three thousand dollars a year this SOB is pulling down. You're on your third kid. Why are you putting that kind of pressure on yourself?

1:03:18 Caller I, you know, I don't know. She's really the first girl I ever met. You know, we seriously had a good relationship going. You know, one thing led to another. I found out she got pregnant when I was seventeen.

1:03:30 Drew That's fine. I have one kid, two kids, but three.

1:03:32 Adam I understand, but, yeah, why three? I mean, how much money do you have? How much time do you have?

1:03:39 Caller Well, I'm twenty years old. I got a lot of time to spend with my kids, but...

1:03:43 Adam I know you have a lot of years ahead of you. Hell, you'll be getting your GED by the time they're graduating the tenth grade. But I mean... How much time do you have when you get home from work? I mean, you got three kids.

1:03:59 Caller I have about maybe four hours to spend with my kids and two hours with my wife.

1:04:04 Adam All right. To me, it sounds like a tall order. You're 20 years old, you're trying to get your career off the ground, and you have all this.

1:04:13 Shaun Palmer I might be pulling down a lot of marijuana. I don't know.

1:04:17 Adam You're smoking a lot of weed?

1:04:17 Shaun Palmer You're smoking weed?

1:04:19 Caller I haven't smoked weed since I got married, and that was about three years ago.

1:04:22 Shaun Palmer All right. Okay.

1:04:23 Adam And you make enough money to support everybody?

1:04:26 Drew Good pick up though, Shaun.

1:04:26 Adam Yeah. Yeah?

1:04:28 Caller Yeah.

1:04:28 Adam All right. You live in an apartment?

1:04:31 Caller Yeah, for right now.

1:04:32 Adam Yeah. See, I don't think it's fair to do that to kids. Kids, you know, they need a yard and shoes and stuff, you know? GoPeds. And they need a GoPed.

1:04:44 Caller We don't live in like a big old huge apartment complex. We live in a little foreplay.

1:04:48 Adam Oh, okay.

1:04:49 Caller All right, listen.

1:04:50 Adam All right, Robert, listen. No more kids, though, for a while. Would you please? All right.

1:04:55 Caller But, Michael, what does that mucus stuff mean?

1:04:59 Drew I don't know. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. I worry that she might be leaking or maybe she has a placenta, a previa, something. Has she had her prenatal care recently?

1:05:08 Caller Um, the doctor took off prenatal care and put her on, um, it's like nirifera.

1:05:15 It's a stop up, it's her labor.

1:05:17 Drew So she's seen the doctor recently?

1:05:20 Caller Um, she saw the doctor last week, but this started about maybe a couple days after the doctor.

1:05:25 Drew You gotta give them a call. It may be some sort of rupture, a placenta, previa, or something that's causing that. I would be very concerned about it.

1:05:33 Adam How old are the other two kids?

1:05:35 Caller Um, my oldest is two and my youngest is one.

1:05:38 Shaun Palmer Eleven? They're eleven?

1:05:41 Caller No. My oldest is two and my youngest one is one years old.

1:05:45 Adam All right, Robert.

1:05:46 Shaun Palmer All right.

1:05:47 Adam Take care of that wife of yours. And no more kids until you get a raise.

1:05:52 Shaun Palmer Peace out, Robert.

1:05:53 Adam Hey, hey, it's-

1:05:55 Drew You know what you gotta remember, we're used to-

1:05:56 Adam It boggles the mind to me.

1:05:57 Drew But we're used to Los Angeles kinds of cost of livings. You know what I mean? 18 a year in Los Angeles, you couldn't buy food.

1:06:06 Adam Drew, 20 to 30 grand a year, which by the way means 21.5 a year. Because listen, you know, by the way, on 20 to 30, you know the answer.

1:06:20 Drew Yeah. And he gets the big $500 tax credit on each child.

1:06:24 Adam It ain't 150 to 160 grand a year. It's 20 to 30. You know, he makes 21, 22,000 a year. Shaun, shut your cake over a second here. I don't care where you're living. I don't care if you're living in Kentucky in 1926. You got three kids. Now, the wife's not working, diapers, all that. She's in a perpetual state of pregnancy too. I don't understand that kind of thinking. Your wife has just been perpetually pregnant for, you know, whatever, four years now, right?

1:06:59 Shaun Palmer It's an unbelievable amount of macaroni and cheese going through those kids.

1:07:04 Adam Oh, my God.

1:07:05 Shaun Palmer That's the cheapest form of good food they have.

1:07:08 Adam That ain't good. It just tastes good.

1:07:10 Shaun Palmer That's what I grew up with.

1:07:12 Adam Eric, well, look at you now. Eric, you're 21.

1:07:14 Caller Yes. How you doing?

1:07:16 Adam Good.

1:07:17 Caller Oh, I got a question. I've been having, like, more or less women problems.

1:07:25 Adam Yeah? What's going on?

1:07:29 Caller Well, the last woman I tried to ask out, she, you know, when things started off real good, and, you know, real, you know, like, real fast, and, like, within, like, a two-week period, it just, like, stopped completely. And she just said she just wanted to be friends because...

1:07:45 Adam What do you mean, real fast? Did you have sex with her?

1:07:47 Caller No.

1:07:48 Adam Yeah.

1:07:48 Caller It didn't go that far.

1:07:53 Adam Yeah. What, um... What's going on in the background there, Eric?

1:07:58 Shaun Palmer I'm trying to understand myself.

1:08:00 Caller Oh, I don't know.

1:08:01 Adam What do I hear?

1:08:03 Caller Probably the TV.

1:08:04 Adam What are you watching?

1:08:06 Caller Uh, Devil's Advocate.

1:08:07 Adam Oh! I was thinking of, uh... I was thinking Devil's Reign.

1:08:11 Drew What the hell is the Devil's Advocate?

1:08:12 Adam I don't know what the Devil's Advocate is, but the point is, is I was thinking of an old movie called Devil's Reign.

1:08:17 Drew How weird is that?

1:08:18 Adam Where people were like, uh, melting and screaming and I was hearing shrieks and, uh, anyway, the show I was thinking of started with Devil's Reign.

1:08:26 Caller Close enough.

1:08:27 Adam All right. Now turn it down, you jackass.

1:08:29 Caller I turned it off.

1:08:30 Adam Okay.

1:08:32 Shaun Palmer I thought you were going to say adult video, Adam. Figuring you, you know.

1:08:35 Adam No, no. It wasn't those kinds of moans.

1:08:38 Shaun Palmer Kinky, darkroom type of guys.

1:08:40 Adam So, Eric. Yes. You... Okay, hold on. Well, let's talk about Eric for a second. Just hang on. Eric's a weird guy. He spooks chicks. And he's one of those kind of intellectual, maybe Dungeon and Dragon type guys. He overthinks everything. And he describes... He's living a little bit of his own world, you know. He'll say, I met this chick. I asked her out. Things were going real fast. Things were hot and heavy, moving along real fast, going real good. Then she told me she just wanted to be friends. Now, if I'm talking 21 year old guy, says he met a chick, things are moving along real fast. I'm thinking he's gotten, you know, he's maybe nailing one of her friends. At the same time, she's got the video camera out or something.

1:09:22 Shaun Palmer Or he didn't play Monopoly when he was young like I did and come out to be totally normal.

1:09:26 Adam You are not normal.

1:09:27 Shaun Palmer I'm completely normal. I had park place and boardwalk every single time. I was the master.

1:09:33 Adam You were playing alone. Do you understand?

1:09:36 Shaun Palmer I completely won every time. I'm a winner. Go ahead. Let's get back to him.

1:09:40 Caller So, Eric.

1:09:42 Caller Yeah.

1:09:42 Adam All right. So, are you kind of a weird dude?

1:09:45 Caller No.

1:09:45 Adam No. You're all right? What do you do? Work around computers?

1:09:48 Caller No.

1:09:49 Shaun Palmer Do any sports?

1:09:50 Caller I don't even have one.

1:09:51 Adam You don't have a computer? That's a step in the right direction.

1:09:55 Drew Maybe that's the problem.

1:09:55 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:09:58 Caller I deliver medical supplies. Not drugs.

1:10:04 Drew When was your last girlfriend?

1:10:07 Caller Before her, about two years.

1:10:09 Drew How long was that relationship?

1:10:12 Caller About six months.

1:10:12 Drew Was that hot and heavy like this one?

1:10:15 Caller Yeah.

1:10:15 Shaun Palmer Did you have sex with her?

1:10:17 Caller This one or the last one?

1:10:18 Drew The last one.

1:10:18 Shaun Palmer The last one.

1:10:19 Caller The last one.

1:10:19 Shaun Palmer Yeah. You did.

1:10:21 Drew All right.

1:10:21 Adam So you've had sex, how many times would you say in your life? Teens, twenties, thirties?

1:10:31 Shaun Palmer Twenties.

1:10:32 Adam Twenties.

1:10:34 Drew Not twenty people. Twenty times.

1:10:36 Adam No, twenty times. Right. Okay. And is he just not doing good with the chicks?

1:10:41 Caller Probably not. I just don't know if it was some with me or...

1:10:45 Adam Well, it's got... I can't lie to you, Eric. It's got something to do with you.

1:10:50 Caller Obviously.

1:10:51 Shaun Palmer You know what I do?

1:10:52 Adam What?

1:10:53 Shaun Palmer You know what I do?

1:10:53 Adam What do you do?

1:10:54 Shaun Palmer I go to the bar. You go straight up to the chicks, right?

1:10:57 Adam You wear all four of your gold medals in the edge game.

1:11:00 Shaun Palmer No, you don't try to be cocky with golds or prove you're some man. You go up to the bar as just a little shaky, you know, guy in the bar that's all alone. You pour a Budweiser straight over your head and then you go ask the girl to dance. And usually they come on to you, no matter, you know, it might sound weird.

1:11:18 Adam Right.

1:11:18 Shaun Palmer But that's what works for me. Now this guy's playing a little too nice, I think. Girls are walking all over him.

1:11:25 Adam Right.

1:11:25 Shaun Palmer He's got to change his ways. He's got to, if you act like a derelict, most of the time these girls love you.

1:11:32 Adam I agree with you. You got to dump beer.

1:11:35 Shaun Palmer I know it doesn't sound professional, but what do you think?

1:11:38 Adam Dump beer on yourself. Do you think that's the way to go?

1:11:43 Shaun Palmer Come on, Drew, give me something.

1:11:44 Adam He's not going to dignify that with an answer.

1:11:45 Caller Give me something.

1:11:47 Drew It seems to work for you, Shaun.

1:11:49 Shaun Palmer Okay. Adam's with me, Drew.

1:11:52 Adam Here's the deal. Many a man has gone through many a slump in his life. God knows. I had my twenties. The entire decade. The entire decade was a slump. I don't know why, but it's just failure breeds more failure. You lose some face and some self-esteem and then you go walking around with this big kick me sign on your back. And women, because they're cruel by nature, seem to pick up on that very well. You're just a couple of good scores away. It's like gambling. It's really, you can. And we all know how gambling goes. You can sit down at that 21 table and you can lose 30 hands in a row or you can sit there and win 30 in a row, right?

1:12:37 Shaun Palmer It's up in the air.

1:12:37 Adam It's the same thing with this and Eric. So Eric, there's no way to fight out of this slump other than to stay busy, get a sport you're into, get involved and then just let it work its way out. But if you sit around scheming and strategizing, it's not going to work.

1:12:54 Shaun Palmer It's like trying too hard. It's like anything. Right.

1:12:56 Drew He sounds like he'd fit in with your model plane crowd.

1:12:59 Adam Oh yeah.

1:13:00 Drew He'd fit in great.

1:13:00 Adam That's a pretty fast crowd, this guy, to fly the model airplanes.

1:13:04 Drew Maybe that's where you got to meet people.

1:13:05 Adam You know, it's great over there. Ted, Ted's got the big bushy mustache and the big Coke bottle glasses. He's in his 50s and every time I see him, he goes, I lost my old lady to the sport. You lost your old lady to flying model airplanes? You're damn straight.

1:13:26 Shaun Palmer How come they call them old ladies? Why do they call them old ladies?

1:13:30 Adam Two-collar guys call their wives old ladies and they call their kids the kid. The kid and the old lady.

1:13:36 Shaun Palmer Why is it the old lady?

1:13:39 Adam The old lady. I got a world model Piper Cub that I keep in my garage. The old lady backed the car over it, so I backhanded her.

1:13:50 Caller Ha ha ha ha ha.

1:13:52 Adam Had an OS 61 two-stroke at it. Nice.

1:13:57 Shaun Palmer The old lady's in the back.

1:14:00 Adam Hey, Tim.

1:14:01 Caller Yeah.

1:14:02 Adam You're 18.

1:14:03 Caller Yeah.

1:14:03 Adam All right, listen, we're going to take a commercial break.

1:14:05 Caller OK.

1:14:06 Adam You're uncircumcised. You want to know if this is going to be a problem when you pierce your penis?

1:14:11 Caller Yeah.

1:14:11 Adam Mm-hmm. All right, we'll tell you if it is.

1:14:13 Caller OK.

1:14:14 Adam Shaun, you got any weird radical piercings?

1:14:17 Shaun Palmer No, you know, I've always left my penis stock because I don't really want to modify that thing because I want that thing to run solid. I've been into racing my whole life.

1:14:26 Adam Right.

1:14:26 Shaun Palmer And once you modify something, you have to use race gas. It's kind of a pain in the ass. Right. You got to leave that penis stock. I leave in mine running clean because I don't want to modify and mess that up because I want that thing definitely to work the rest of my life. Now, don't cut in on it.

1:14:47 Adam No, I was going to say, but you avoid the warranty too if you make modifications on it.

1:14:51 Shaun Palmer I don't think that thing deserves metal through it.

1:14:54 Adam I couldn't be, I could not be more...

1:15:00 Shaun Palmer You agree with me.

1:15:01 Adam One hundred and fifty percent. All right, we'll be back.

1:15:08 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:15:28 Adam Hey, it's the Loveline, Shaun Palmer is here. The world's greatest snowboarder, and not a bad mountain bike rider or motocross racer, but certainly the world's best snowboarder. Well, he's got to be good. He's got a snowboard named after him. And Drew's got an ironing board named after him, I think. Drew?

1:15:49 Drew It's an anvil, actually.

1:15:51 Shaun Palmer It's a Palmer snowboard, actually.

1:15:54 Adam Very nice, of which I will be the recipient of, when the night is true, right? Because you've got one.

1:16:00 Shaun Palmer But the deal, what's the deal, Adam?

1:16:02 Adam The deal is, I perform oral sex on you in the back of that Cadillac you have parked out there. And you, oh, the one we got, the radio deal?

1:16:10 Shaun Palmer That's a wrong line.

1:16:11 Adam The radio deal.

1:16:13 Shaun Palmer Wrong line.

1:16:13 Adam The radio deal is, you give me the snowboard, and I go out and ride the snowboard, and then I sue you. Because I broke my collarbone.

1:16:27 Shaun Palmer No, no, no. That's not what it is? No. I give you Corolla, the snowboard, and you have to go up and ride it.

1:16:38 Adam Can you score some discounts on lift tickets?

1:16:43 Shaun Palmer I get you a free lift ticket.

1:16:44 Adam All right.

1:16:45 Shaun Palmer I'll get you a free lift ticket.

1:16:47 Adam You know, I'll tell you, we meet plenty of cool people on this show, and we have plenty of opportunities. Unfortunately, we immediately run home and take a nap. I mean, and I don't know, I'm doing this. I'm taking you up on this. I guarantee it because I got to start living here, Drew. Good. I have to, Carpe Diem. Know what that means? Start living. I broke my shin. That's in snowboarding ease. But I got to live and I'm going to do this. We have Jeremy McGrath in here. He wants me to go to the Super Bowl of motocross. I don't go. Someone's going to teach me how to ride a go-kart, and race go-carts. I don't do that. I got to get in that Toyota Celebrity Grand Prix thing. I think I may be just...

1:17:30 Shaun Palmer I'm in that.

1:17:31 Adam Are you?

1:17:32 Shaun Palmer I'm driving in that.

1:17:34 Adam Son of a bitch.

1:17:35 Shaun Palmer Ha, ha, ha. Corolla.

1:17:36 Caller Now, look at that.

1:17:37 Adam It's John Palmer.

1:17:38 Shaun Palmer Corolla. Corolla's not in the Toyota Celebrity Race.

1:17:42 Caller Toyota.

1:17:44 Shaun Palmer What are they racing? What kind of Toyotas?

1:17:46 Adam Corolla.

1:17:47 Shaun Palmer Corolla's.

1:17:48 Adam I know.

1:17:49 Shaun Palmer Now, you're not in.

1:17:50 Adam I better be in this year.

1:17:51 Shaun Palmer I'm in it.

1:17:52 Adam Are you in this year?

1:17:53 Shaun Palmer I am in.

1:17:54 Drew It's obviously too late.

1:17:55 Shaun Palmer Yeah. I want to race you. I'm calling you out on the radio. I want to race you.

1:18:00 Adam What is that? Like April or something?

1:18:03 Shaun Palmer April 17th, I think.

1:18:04 Drew To get my car.

1:18:05 Adam So you have any pull it all over there?

1:18:07 Shaun Palmer I could probably wing it. We could probably get you in there. I mean, with a name like Corolla, I mean, what's Toyota going to do? Shut you down?

1:18:14 Adam Tim.

1:18:16 Caller Yeah.

1:18:16 Adam You're uncircumcised.

1:18:20 Caller Yeah. And I want to get my penis pierced.

1:18:23 Caller Why?

1:18:26 Caller There's something I've been wanting for a couple of years now.

1:18:28 Caller Why? Why? No reason.

1:18:31 Adam Hold on a second.

1:18:32 Shaun Palmer Oh, whoa.

1:18:33 Adam Hey, Tim, what's going on in the background there?

1:18:36 Caller Oh, nothing.

1:18:37 Adam All right. Listen, Jack Hall. Hang on.

1:18:41 Drew Tim gives an interesting example of denial and how detached people are from their real motivation and feelings. Look, let's just make an assumption that preferences and choices and behaviors happen for a reason, not random.

1:18:54 Adam Right.

1:18:55 Drew Let's break through with Tim and see what we can figure out. What is motivating him to do this? It's almost enough.

1:19:00 All right.

1:19:01 Adam I really should punish him more for playing that Depeche Mode in the background.

1:19:07 Caller Cure.

1:19:07 Cure.

1:19:08 Adam Oh, boy.

1:19:09 Shaun Palmer Boys don't cry, so don't pierce your penis somehow.

1:19:13 Drew So why do you want the piercing?

1:19:16 Caller I don't know.

1:19:16 Caller My friend got one done and I just thought it would be cool to get it done.

1:19:21 Drew Why? Why is it cool?

1:19:25 Shaun Palmer You're not gay, right?

1:19:26 Caller No.

1:19:27 Shaun Palmer And your friend's not gay? No.

1:19:29 Adam Are you into the Goth scene or something? You are?

1:19:32 Caller Yeah.

1:19:32 Adam All right. That means someone molested you.

1:19:36 Drew Did they?

1:19:37 Adam Yeah.

1:19:38 Caller Back when I was five years old.

1:19:39 Drew There you go.

1:19:40 Adam Yeah. See, everyone in the Goth scene. Somebody got all of them.

1:19:45 Drew We had that plus penis piercing and that equals that.

1:19:47 Adam That equals molestation. It was some uncle or some neighbor or something?

1:19:52 Caller It was a 12-year-old kid that my mommy's to babysit.

1:19:58 Caller That's nice.

1:20:01 Adam All right. And did it just happen once or it happened for a while?

1:20:06 Caller It went on for about probably like, I don't know, probably over a period of a month.

1:20:13 Drew Lovely.

1:20:14 Caller And then they stopped babysitting the kid.

1:20:17 Adam Thank God.

1:20:17 Drew Because they found out what was going on?

1:20:19 Caller No, they don't know yet.

1:20:21 Drew Still don't know?

1:20:22 Caller Yeah, I've kept it in. Only my best friend.

1:20:25 Drew Why don't you, rather than getting your penis pierced, why don't you go work on...

1:20:29 Adam Dr. Drew, isn't it just an easier solution?...

1:20:30 Drew dealing with this abuse or violence?

1:20:32 Adam You know how many years he could be in therapy? In a piercing place right down at the mall. You know what?

1:20:37 Drew If the piercing solved one GD thing, I'd send him on down for the piercing. I'd start doing piercings. It just perpetuates the problem.

1:20:46 Adam Yeah.

1:20:47 Shaun Palmer And then when you're flying to Europe, I mean, I travel so much, what is your penis going to go off when you go through that thing? Every single time you're going to have to show the lady you're weaning?

1:20:56 Adam It's true. I've been through 100 metal detectors in the last year.

1:21:00 Shaun Palmer Why would you want to do that?

1:21:02 Adam And you can't take your penis out and put it on that little fish and chips basket that you throw your keys into to slide to the other side.

1:21:09 Shaun Palmer You can't do it.

1:21:10 Adam What a technological breakthrough those airport guys have. The basket that they ate salt and fish chips used to come in is what you throw your keys and your cufflinks in.

1:21:19 Shaun Palmer Got to take your jewelry out, put it in there, walk through, put it back in. You'll miss your plane.

1:21:24 Adam Tim? Yeah? Seriously now, brother. You know, you had that guy screw around with you and it's going to cause you some problems and it already has. I mean, look at you. You're into the goss scene.

1:21:34 Caller Please.

1:21:36 Adam You got to sort a few things out. But here's what you need to do. You need to sort things out, not act things out. Oh, Drew, remember?

1:21:46 Shaun Palmer Hold on.

1:21:47 Adam Acknowledgement from Drew, everybody.

1:21:49 Shaun Palmer Unbelievable.

1:21:50 Drew I mean, that was a very mediocre comment, Adam.

1:21:56 Caller Thank you.

1:21:57 Adam Drew, would you admit that I'm a certain kind of genius?

1:22:00 Drew Yes, a certain kind of savant.

1:22:02 Adam Thank you.

1:22:02 Drew Idiot savant.

1:22:04 Adam I'm going to look up savant when I get home and it better be good.

1:22:09 Drew No, that's a nice a laugherism. Say it again.

1:22:17 Adam I never remember the crap I said.

1:22:19 Drew Sort it out, don't I?

1:22:20 Adam Yes. You need to sort things out, not act things out. You know, my definition of a multiple orgasm for male is, same boner, different jizz. That's the aphorism I'm proudest of. Hey, Jimmy.

1:22:44 Yeah.

1:22:44 Caller You're 25.

1:22:45 Just to let you guys know, the penis piercing does not set off the metal detector at the airport.

1:22:50 Adam It doesn't?

1:22:50 It doesn't. No, I have two and I haven't had a problem yet.

1:22:53 Adam Oh, you have two?

1:22:54 Shaun Palmer Yeah.

1:22:55 Drew What kind?

1:22:55 Shaun Palmer I'm wrong.

1:22:56 I have the Apodravia and the...

1:23:00 Shaun Palmer Prince Albert.

1:23:01 No, Prince Albert's half. I have the whole thing pierced, the whole head.

1:23:05 Shaun Palmer What, the whole head?

1:23:08 Drew So no urethral involvement here?

1:23:10 It goes through the entire head, through the urethra.

1:23:13 Shaun Palmer Man, you might as well connect the chain to the two ball bearings down there and keep the whole unit together.

1:23:20 Adam Alright, so let me get this straight. You have a spear that goes through the head?

1:23:25 Caller Yeah.

1:23:27 Adam How do you do that without massive amounts of bleeding?

1:23:31 Well, it bled at first, but it congealed after a while.

1:23:35 Drew How do they get it through the cavernous bodies there, the responsible erection, without rupturing them and causing them to not work?

1:23:43 You mean, like, how do they do the piercing at first?

1:23:45 Adam Yeah, and let me just get this straight. It goes through the head of your penis, right?

1:23:50 Yeah.

1:23:50 Adam At what point? The middle of your head? No, no, no.

1:23:53 It's in the head, just about the middle of the head, vertically through.

1:23:58 Adam Didn't I just say that, by the way?

1:23:59 Drew Okay.

1:24:00 Adam I'm sorry. No, no, no.

1:24:01 Drew But how do they miss the apparatus in there that's responsible for your erection? There are two cavernous bodies in there.

1:24:10 Adam I don't believe it, but are those cavernous bodies in the head or just in the chest?

1:24:14 Drew They go down to, they're all the way through.

1:24:17 Adam All the way down to the end?

1:24:17 Drew Pretty much.

1:24:18 Adam It's like a cul-de-sac down there? Yeah, it's a cul-de-sac.

1:24:21 That's how the head is going to get.

1:24:23 Adam The scrotum sack is down below.

1:24:25 They clip clamp it and then pierce through it. And so there's holes in the clamp.

1:24:29 Adam I gotta tell you, not only do I disagree with the guy whose penis is in the clamp, but I question those who are doing the clamping as well. I mean, it's a guy, right?

1:24:42 Um, what, yeah.

1:24:43 Adam And he's taking a clamp and he's putting a, you know, a sword through the thing.

1:24:48 Shaun Palmer He's putting a sword through the thing.

1:24:49 Adam He's putting a Crown Royal sack and a bench vise and then a guy's dropping his penis into it. I mean, this is what you're doing for a living. God, your parents gotta be pissed.

1:24:59 Caller Oh.

1:25:00 Shaun Palmer What gets me is, what is, uh, what, what's the period of time where you can't use your penis after it's pierced?

1:25:07 Two weeks.

1:25:09 Shaun Palmer Two weeks?

1:25:10 Adam They say two weeks.

1:25:11 I waited one week and, uh, I got infected because of it, but the infection went away.

1:25:15 Shaun Palmer You went forward anyway. See, now that's my problem. If I went to Pierce, I couldn't hold out for two weeks, Corolla.

1:25:20 Drew It was very good revealing logic there, which was, uh, hey, I did it in one week. They said it should have been two weeks, but I did it in one week. Right. And then I got an infection, my penis almost fell out.

1:25:27 Caller But anyway, so, how dare they suggest I wait two weeks. He did it in one week and he got infected.

1:25:34 Drew And then you know, fall direction, this happens.

1:25:36 Adam I could not live without my penis for two weeks. I would have to get a rent a penis.

1:25:42 Caller That's what I was saying.

1:25:43 Adam It's like living in LA. I couldn't drop my car off at the body shop and take a bus for two weeks. You'd need, I mean, you know, like, Drew, how long could you do without your car? An hour. Not even an hour.

1:25:55 Drew Maybe, yeah. It would be difficult.

1:25:56 Adam The point is you'd need another one immediately. I feel the same way about my penis. I would have to drop my penis off at the place. I'd have to get a rent a penis. Preferably a black one that was like twice the size. Twice? Three or four times. And I'd have to wave that around town for two weeks until I got my penis back.

1:26:12 Drew You may return it in at that point, right?

1:26:15 Adam That's true, but I wouldn't get my deposit back.

1:26:17 Drew Pleased to buy.

1:26:18 Shaun Palmer Looks like you might as well chop it off and have nothing for two weeks. I can't live in...

1:26:23 Adam Jimmy, you have that piercing, the one that goes right through the middle of your head, and then what's the other one?

1:26:27 Oh, it's on the bottom, about a half inch below the head. It's just the skin piercing.

1:26:33 Adam Right, right. Just on the thing there.

1:26:35 Drew Now, do you have special condoms in order to prevent the condoms from ripping with all that hard work?

1:26:39 No, actually, I'm able to use even, I have a steady girlfriend, so we use the thin condoms, and they rarely break.

1:26:48 Drew All right, Jim, we gotta go to break here.

1:26:49 Adam Hold on, Jim.

1:26:50 Shaun Palmer Well, we gotta talk.

1:26:51 Adam Jimmy, there's gotta be a little something up with you, right?

1:26:54 Oh, there's a ton of stuff up with me.

1:26:56 Drew Yeah, a little something.

1:26:57 Yeah, I also have a gay bear dad.

1:27:01 Adam Oh, you got a gay bear dad?

1:27:02 Shaun Palmer The bears are kicking in.

1:27:05 That's actually a big thing, it's not just one magazine. They have websites and it's little magazines and it's a big movement within the gay community.

1:27:12 Adam For the hairy guys.

1:27:13 Shaun Palmer I know I live in Tahoe and there's bears up there, but they're just the real bears. I never have problems with the bear daddies or these gay bears or any gay weirdo bears like that. When I first moved in, my neighbors had a bear in their kitchen, but I mean, it was an actual real bear. A real bear, you know, chase you up the tree, things like that. Where do these people come from, Corolla, that have these bear fathers?

1:27:38 Adam I don't know, but I'll tell you, I got a decent amount of hair on my ass, and I bet if I posed in the sort of celebrity skin section, you know, something for the ladies, or actually for the gents in this case, with the hairy ass, I could probably pick up some coin. What do you think, Drew?

1:27:54 Drew It would be titled Pan Returns.

1:27:59 Adam Shaun Palmer is here, the world's greatest snowboarder, and in the top 10 of every other sport. We're going to take a break, and we'll be back.

1:28:09 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline in just a minute or two. Call 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:28:36 Adam The Loveline, Shaun Palmer, the world's greatest snowboarder is here, and the world's greatest guy. I'm proclaiming him as your new partner, life partner.

1:28:44 Shaun Palmer Wow. Maybe I can get a job with you.

1:28:49 Adam That's right. Absolutely.

1:28:51 Shaun Palmer Thank you honey.

1:28:51 Adam You can caddy for me any day.

1:28:53 Shaun Palmer Thank you, man.

1:28:54 Adam We have a whole snowboarding thing going on. I'm going to be your valet when we go to Europe next, when you take on the world in the snowboarding championship. You're, yeah, no, no.

1:29:11 Caller We haven't got his question yet.

1:29:12 Drew We have no idea what his question is.

1:29:13 Adam Jimmy's 25. He's got a ton of stuff going on. He's got a chandelier hanging from his penis. Right. And his question is.

1:29:23 When I was younger, I took a lot of LSD. When I say a lot, like probably around 100 different trips. And each time I tripped, I took at least two hits, usually three or four of acid. So we're talking a lot of LSD. And about a year ago, I had these symptoms for years of just...

1:29:41 Drew Depression.

1:29:42 Well, I found out it was depression, but it's like a brain fog and fatigue and my memory doesn't work. I'm in constant dizziness. And after therapy, nothing's really improved. And I wonder, is this brain damage? Am I going to be stuck?

1:29:53 Drew Do you still see trailers after fast-moving objects?

1:29:57 Slow-moving objects, yeah.

1:30:00 Drew The trailers are from brain damage, okay?

1:30:02 Adam Yeah, the retoad sloth goes by and you may see the trailer hanging.

1:30:07 Drew No, it's the colors going after objects that are moving. And that's because of a brain damage. It's not, think about it, how else could that still be happening? Well, yeah.

1:30:17 Caller Okay?

1:30:18 Drew So you know you have some brain damage.

1:30:19 Adam Yeah, because obviously you don't have any of the drug floating around your system ten years later.

1:30:24 Drew It's a residual effect of the permanent change in your brain.

1:30:26 Caller Okay.

1:30:27 Drew And I can tell you every person I have met who did a helicity a hundred times has chronic trailers and recalcitrant chronic depressions.

1:30:36 Caller Okay.

1:30:36 Drew Got to be on medication. And even then the medicines are tough to get this medicine to, it's tough to get this depression to respond to medication, but it usually does. But you got to go through a lot of different, different trials of medication to get through.

1:30:50 Shaun Palmer Sure, if you did it 87 times you don't see the color obviously.

1:30:53 Drew I think it's, for many people it's over 20 hits. That seems to be around the threshold, but 100 you definitely in.

1:30:59 The thing that I'm really worried about is it's sort of like a cloudiness or are they described as brain fog? I mean, am I going to be stuck with that or will that, can that disappear with the medication?

1:31:07 Drew We can disappear with the medication.

1:31:09 Okay. And what should I, what do you, I mean, is there anything you can think of or do I, is that something?

1:31:13 Drew Particular medication? I have not seen that there is any specific medication that is generally good for everybody. If difficulty concentrating is the issue, more stimulant types of antidepressant like Wellbutrin come to mind. Usually they start you on serotonin reuptake inhibitors. Stay away from many addictive substances. And I got to tell you, many times I have seen this go to ECT, electric shock therapy.

1:31:36 Adam Oh, really?

1:31:37 Drew Yeah.

1:31:38 Adam Wow.

1:31:39 Drew Yeah.

1:31:39 Adam Oh, why not, actually? Is that painful?

1:31:42 Drew No.

1:31:43 Adam Drew, let me ask you a question. I swear to God, I feel like I am in a fog, I am in a haze. I feel like I feel like hell all the time, right? But yet my brain functions really well.

1:31:54 Drew In a weird way. No, no.

1:31:56 Adam You couldn't just let me get away with functioning well.

1:31:58 Drew No, I was going to give you a compliment in a savant kind of way. And you come back, tonight we talked to a kid, and we were at this college thing, and a kid complained about ADD and animus. He immediately went, I think I have that. After having done very complex kinds of interaction with the people, all of a sudden we are hearing about you having ADD. You are still able to focus and carry out very complex tasks, and even sort of difficult, peculiar cognitive tasks. Pulling things together and being able to tell stories, complex stories.

1:32:29 Adam I always know who farted if there is like four guys in a room.

1:32:32 Drew But if there was a cricket on the back wall, you'd be lost, you'd be staring at that.

1:32:37 Adam Yeah.

1:32:37 Shaun Palmer I think I might have that same thing.

1:32:40 Adam The point is, I oftentimes feel like I'm in a fog, I'm in a haze, I'm tired, I can't think straight, my brain is not functioning. Yet I go on and everything comes out okay. But I feel that way. I rarely feel lucid.

1:32:54 Drew You don't sleep either.

1:32:55 Adam I don't sleep right. Okay. Megan.

1:32:58 Caller Hi.

1:32:58 Adam It's all going to change when I move in with Shaun. You know how quiet it is up in Tahoe?

1:33:02 Caller Oh yeah.

1:33:03 Shaun Palmer Did you hear that voice? It sounds so beautiful. It's about time we have a beautiful woman for some question.

1:33:08 Caller Well thank you.

1:33:10 Adam What's going on there, Megan? What's happening?

1:33:13 Shaun Palmer What's up?

1:33:14 Caller Well I have, I broke up with a guy about six months ago and he basically told me he was going to marry me and no matter what I did he wasn't going to leave and I mean and I care about him, I love him, you know I lost my virginity to him, I really do care but I just, I don't know what to say to him. I have a new boyfriend, I moved on How long ago did you break up? Huh?

1:33:39 Drew How long ago did you break up?

1:33:41 Caller September.

1:33:42 Shaun Palmer How old are you?

1:33:43 Caller I'm seventeen.

1:33:44 Drew How old is he? How long were you together?

1:33:48 Caller Nine months.

1:33:49 Drew He's just got to get over it.

1:33:50 Adam He's heartbroken.

1:33:52 Caller Well he, I mean he puts me on all these guilt tests about how I break his heart all the time.

1:33:57 Drew He stopped having any contact with him Megan.

1:33:59 Caller Well that's what I did, I told him I didn't want to talk to him for a month and after that month then I was.

1:34:05 Drew Six months, six months.

1:34:06 Adam Six months is eight years.

1:34:08 Drew That's what he needs. That's what he needs.

1:34:10 Adam He's seventeen year old.

1:34:10 Drew What are you going to do? Let him cling to the notion that in a month I'll get her back, I'll talk her into it.

1:34:15 Caller Forget it, six months Megan.

1:34:17 Drew You've been there Adam.

1:34:19 Adam I've been there and back. We've all been there. Listen, I've had a lot of diabolical plans. I swear to God, you understand that I could speak fluent Japanese right now if I spent one-tenth the time learning Japanese that I did plotting to get some old girlfriend back. Jesus Christ. I don't know what's wrong with my genes. I'll kick my dad in the nuts next time I see him, if I can find him. Megan?

1:34:45 Caller I'm afraid he'll hurt himself.

1:34:46 Adam Who cares?

1:34:48 Shaun Palmer He doesn't play football, does he?

1:34:50 Caller No, he plays basketball.

1:34:51 Drew Has he planned the suicide? Has he talked about suicide?

1:34:55 Caller No, but when we broke up, he started drinking really heavily every night. And I worry about him because he has a heart, something's wrong with his heart.

1:35:04 Drew What's wrong with his heart? What's wrong with his heart?

1:35:07 Caller We don't know. He's a firefighter. And one night, he couldn't breathe, and I had to bring him to the emergency room, and something was wrong with his heart and his lungs and stuff.

1:35:17 Drew What was wrong?

1:35:18 Caller I don't know.

1:35:19 Drew Megan, if something were wrong, they would have kept him in the hospital.

1:35:21 Caller Well, they kept him in there for like a day and a half.

1:35:24 Drew And what did they find?

1:35:26 Caller I don't know. It was some big medical term.

1:35:28 Drew I'm sure they found probably nothing, right?

1:35:30 Adam Megan doesn't. You don't sweat the details, do you, baby?

1:35:33 Drew They found a mitral valve prolapse or something.

1:35:35 Adam Listen, he's 18 years old? Yeah.

1:35:39 Drew You love him. You love him.

1:35:42 Adam He's not.

1:35:43 Caller Megan, he's not 18.

1:35:44 Drew Shut up.

1:35:44 Adam He's no firefighter at 18.

1:35:46 Caller No, he is. He's a volunteer firefighter, and he just started getting paid for it because he was doing it for... He lived in a really small town. So... All right.

1:35:56 Adam How old is he, though? Seriously.

1:35:57 Caller I swear to God, he's 18.

1:35:59 Adam I would tell you. Well, stop sounding like you're lying, then.

1:36:02 Shaun Palmer Do you love him?

1:36:04 Caller Well, I love my Virginia to him, and I have that bond to him because that's...

1:36:07 Shaun Palmer But you're already on to a new man, right?

1:36:09 Drew You got to let him get over it. You got to end contact for six months.

1:36:12 Adam Why are you on to a new guy if you have that bond with him?

1:36:15 Caller Because I don't love him like that.

1:36:18 Adam Oh, okay. Listen, I know you care about him. If you care about him, listen, it's like the kid really cared about old Yeller, so he put a bullet in his head because he cared, because he was suffering. You understand?

1:36:31 Shaun Palmer Is the new guy good and bad?

1:36:34 Caller I have... I haven't loved with him.

1:36:36 Shaun Palmer Are you sure?

1:36:37 Caller I'm... I swear.

1:36:39 Shaun Palmer Okay, okay.

1:36:40 Drew But, you know, 18 year old...

1:36:41 Shaun Palmer It had nothing to do with it at all.

1:36:43 Drew I just had to ask the question. All these things are not Megan's responsibility. If he's threatening suicidality, you call the police, he needs to be in a psychiatric hospital, let the caretakers take care of him. If he has a cardiac condition, let his doctors take care of him. He has to be able to go on through the normal stressors of living.

1:36:59 Adam Right.

1:36:59 Drew And an 18 year old, unless the cardiac condition is something outlandishly serious, which by the way they wouldn't keep him in the hospital for a day and a half, in fact that were the case, this is not going to be something significant. You've just got to let him go.

1:37:12 Adam All right.

1:37:13 Shaun Palmer I've done the similar things as this guy's done.

1:37:15 Drew We've all done it.

1:37:16 Shaun Palmer I've drank myself into a lake.

1:37:20 Adam Right.

1:37:20 Shaun Palmer But I've always woken up in the arms of another different beautiful woman.

1:37:26 Adam Yeah. Well, being on the snowboarding tours.

1:37:28 Shaun Palmer No, no, no. This is just pure life. There's no sports here. This is just actual life.

1:37:33 Adam I know, but it's easier to score the chicks when you're on the snowboard tours.

1:37:37 Shaun Palmer I never tell them who I am. I don't try to work nothing like that.

1:37:41 Adam They see that windbreaker with the decals on it and they know you're being in business. What are you talking about? We gotta go break. Alright, we'll be back. All right, I want to give some plugs to my homie, Sean Palmer.

1:38:26 Shaun Palmer Plug me.

1:38:27 Adam Swatch Border Cross, Bear Mountain. That is this weekend. See Shaun there? See Shaun win? See Shaun break his ass on that snowboard, and then see Shaun get drunk in the chalet.

1:38:40 Shaun Palmer I won't get drunk. I'm a professional athlete. How dare you bring up alcohol on the radio in front of the kids and the women, and my sponsors might bum.

1:38:50 Adam I'm so sorry about your sensibilities.

1:38:53 Shaun Palmer Completely turned bad on me.

1:38:55 Adam All right. Well, it's good because the show's over. Shaun, thank you very much for coming in. And we're going to talk about freebies out in the parking lot. So until next time.

1:39:05 Shaun Palmer Iron, we're out of here.

1:39:07 Adam This is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:39:12 Caller This is Gittin Loveline. The views expressed on Loveline are not necessarily those of the staff, the management, or the sponsors of this radio show. And they're probably not the views of Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins Engel. Now, please listen to this station longer.

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Wednesday, February 3, 1999