Episode 1000754887846

2:11 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

2:14 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

2:17 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew.

2:22 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

2:24 Voiceover Loveline.

2:27 Voiceover It is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Facts number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. All right. Should we get to the phones?

2:44 Drew If you wish. No Millennium Statements or anything from you?

2:48 Adam I'm not really into all that stuff.

2:50 Drew Not into artificial sort of counting of the passage of time.

2:54 Adam No. It's pretty random and kind of arbitrary to me. It doesn't really mean that much. I think it's kind of weird as a society when we put a whole... We attach a lot of importance to things that are fairly random sometimes. You happen to be born...

3:10 Drew Completely artificial...

3:11 Adam .and artificial. Yeah. I don't think it's going to change. But here's what will change. You do a little work, your life will get a little better. Anything but talk about that. That's kind of what we do. My New Year's resolutions for the last ten years have always just been be better this year than you were last year. That's about it. I don't know if that means doing a little less of this and a little more of that. But you can't trick yourself into succeeding. You just just do a little better, just progress. That's a good New Year's resolution. Daniel.

3:49 Caller Yes.

3:49 Adam You're 16.

3:50 Caller Right.

3:50 Adam What's up?

3:52 Caller Well, my girlfriend will let me go down on her. But, you know, I feel like I should I feel like I should please her. But she won't let me go down on her. And I feel kind of guilty about it whenever she goes down on me because I can't do anything for her.

4:06 Drew Does she give you a reason?

4:07 Adam Didn't he say his girlfriend will let him go down on her?

4:10 Drew He did, but he messed up.

4:11 Adam He screwed that one up?

4:12 Yeah. I'm sorry.

4:13 Adam Your girlfriend won't let you go down on her.

4:15 Right.

4:16 Adam Oh, baby. I've heard worse problems. I really have.

4:21 Caller I know. It sounds weird, but I just feel guilty.

4:23 Adam Does she have a sister?

4:24 Caller No. I'm an only child.

4:28 Drew Oh, boy. Daniel, just pay attention, pal.

4:31 Caller All right.

4:32 Drew All right.

4:34 Adam What's your major? They have majors in your high school?

4:36 Caller No.

4:37 Adam Yeah. Ceramics was my major.

4:39 Drew You would have answered that. When you were 16, how would you have answered that?

4:42 Adam Listen, I may not have been able to read or been able to write. I may have never taken the SATs and I may have failed three out of four classes I took and did a short stint in junior college before I got into carpet cleaning. But I was always lucid and able to answer questions.

4:58 Drew That was your perception was that you were lucid.

5:01 Adam That's true.

5:01 Drew In reality, who knows?

5:02 Adam True. Daniel? Yes. Why won't she let you? Has she said something?

5:07 Caller No. I haven't really talked to her about it.

5:12 Adam I see. What happens when you attempt to do this? What does she do?

5:15 Caller Well, I'll start unbuttoning her pants and I'll try and take them down, but then she'll stop me and she'll just start putting it back up and say no.

5:23 Adam But then she performs oral sex on you.

5:25 Caller Right.

5:26 Adam Interesting.

5:26 Drew Does she say why?

5:28 Caller No.

5:28 Adam Okay. She's a little self-conscious.

5:31 Drew She's 16.

5:32 Adam Yeah. This happens. Listen, this could mean a thousand things. This could mean that she was raped when she was five, or it could just mean-

5:41 Drew She's not ready to go there.

5:42 Adam She's not ready to go there. It probably means she's not ready to go there.

5:46 Drew He needs to begin discussing this with her, not in that moment, not why, why, why, why, at that moment. She's not going to be comfortable to answer. Some other moment when you guys are a little sort of quiet.

5:55 Adam And you don't even have to do it specifically as it pertains to her vagina. You can say, listen, you know I really like you, and you know I really like everything about you, and it makes me feel good to do things for you. And I wish you could just relax and let me do a few of those things. Now give me a BJ. You know how I am with oral sex. I don't fight a woman. I start down there and she stops me. I'm right back up topside again. I'm like, it's the same approach I take at the four-way stop sign when a car gets there at the same time I do. I'll give the guy the wave, but if he sits there, beat, and gives me the wave, I'm gone. And here's something I figured out the other day at the four-way stop sign by my house. And take this into the new Millennium. This works. You get to the four-way stop sign, and sometimes you get in that trouble. You give the person the wave. It's that side-to-side wave. You're going left to right on your dash or right to left. The wave. They look at you. They give you the wave. Then you give them the wave. And then before you know it, you're just fanning each other, and no one knows when to go because no one can figure out where it started or where it's going to end.

7:05 Drew Not in the new Millennium.

7:06 Adam Let me tell you how it works in the new Millennium.

7:08 Drew Yeah.

7:09 Adam I did this. I didn't think about it. It's not something that I consciously did, but man, it worked like a charm. I pulled up at a four-way stop sign. There was a woman who was coming, and I kind of sized her up. Looked like she taught third grade, hair in a bun, and I thought I could be here all afternoon with the waving. I got to do something a little more assertive. Pulled up at the stop sign, hit at the same time she did. She got there a beat before I did, which meant she should be going, and here's the maneuver I gave her, Drew, and I know this is horrible radio, but I'll just describe it. Pulled up, looked at her, she looked at me, I went.

7:46 Drew Pointing up.

7:46 Adam And she went.

7:47 Drew Well, that's the traffic cop point.

7:49 Adam I gave her what the guy on the carrier deck does to the pilot when it's time for him to get out of here. Pointed right at her. I mean, just pointed right at her face and did that, and she just almost lit up the back tires, peeled out, and went. And I realize the wave is sort of passive. Could be her, could be the next guy, could be anyone.

8:12 Drew Wave is a little bit, I'd like to go, but I'm letting you go.

8:15 Adam Yeah, it's wishy-washy, the wave. Go! Ha! Ha! That's what it was. I mean, like when that traffic cop, you know, and that's what cops do, what traffic cops do. They point right at you. Boom! And then, man, work like a charm.

8:31 Caller Wow.

8:32 Adam I recommend it highly. And then sometimes I think I'll just point at myself. Pow! Gone. Melissa?

8:41 Yes?

8:41 Adam You're 21.

8:42 Caller Yes.

8:43 Adam What's up?

8:43 Caller Basically, I am. Okay. I have the most unique situation. People do not believe me when I say this, and I am totally being honest.

8:52 Drew There's not much we don't believe here.

8:53 Caller I'll make this as short as possible. I have a very close friend who gave me a really nice Christmas present, gave me another guy. We both wanted to experiment, and we had a threesome.

9:06 Drew Explain how this happened.

9:07 Caller Well, we were really close friends, and I'm very open towards sex.

9:11 Drew She gave you another guy? Huh? What do you mean?

9:15 Caller Like, he, all right, I'll name him Bob just to keep his name safe.

9:19 Adam Hey, by the way, just all you listeners who change names of people, just call him Bob.

9:26 Drew Just change it.

9:27 Adam Don't announce the part where you're changing the name, the distracting part that makes us pissed off that we can't find out his real name. Just call him Bob. You know, it's like when they do those undercover exposé and they interview the guy and they have the guy's name is Mark, but they put the quotations by it. Just put Mark. You've disguised his voice, he's wearing a pillowcase on his head, just put the goddamn Mark there. I don't want to know that that's not his real name. It makes it distracting for me.

9:52 Caller Sorry. But anyway, so, right, me and Bob were...

9:58 Adam I'm ruined.

10:01 Caller Me and Bob were sitting and we were talking and I told him, you know, just out of pure curiosity, I would always love to know what it would be like with two guys. He was like, really? You being serious? I'm like, yeah, I'm totally serious. He was like, all right, give me a week. And I'm thinking, nah, he's never going to do it. All of a sudden, a week later, he's like, I got a surprise for you. Come with me. I'm like, okay. A week?

10:25 Adam It could have taken me 15 minutes. Just get on the phone. It took him a week to find a guy?

10:31 Caller Well, no, because we had to make plans. We both work really weird hours. He works at night. I work during the day.

10:38 Adam All right. So your male friend got another male that he knows to come over and have sex with you while he had sex with you.

10:44 Caller We all knew each other. This isn't something out of random. We all knew each other.

10:48 Drew All right.

10:48 Adam So you all had sex?

10:50 Caller Yes.

10:50 Adam Did Bob and the other guy have sex?

10:52 Caller No. It was pretty much they had their way with me and they kind of got their kicks from me. And you've always got their kicks from each other.

11:01 Adam Did you enjoy it?

11:02 Caller Oh, very much so.

11:03 Adam And you've always been very sexually open?

11:06 Caller Oh, very much so. I honestly, I have no idea why because during my upbringing, I was never towards being open. I was told, no, no, no, you shouldn't do that. Later on in life, I'm like, well, no, that just can't work.

11:21 Adam Sometimes, sometimes you'll go the other way when people tell you no too many times.

11:26 Caller Yeah.

11:26 Drew Especially if they're very aggressive with you.

11:28 Caller But my problem is-

11:29 Drew Were your parents kind of aggressive with you growing up? Yeah.

11:32 Caller Yeah, that's very aggressive.

11:33 Drew That's typically how that gets converted into sexual drive.

11:37 Caller That's what I kind of figured out.

11:39 Adam Yeah. Listen, all you dads and moms out there that are taking a switch to the ass of your kids and yelling at them and smacking them with a Bible and all that kind of stuff, be prepared for Bob and his good buddy to team your young daughter somewhere around her 19th birthday.

11:56 Caller But that's not my problem. My problem is this, is that now I'm in a really good relationship, a really strong relationship with my new boyfriend, which I'm not going to call Bob. He is really sweet and, you know, for the new Millennium, he thought, well, you know, what was your main fantasy? Because I have one. I was like, okay, what is it? He was like, you ever wonder what it would be like with two guys? And at that point, I didn't know if I should tell him or no.

12:26 Drew Don't tell him, but what a coincidence, she teams up with a guy that's ready to do this with her.

12:30 Adam Yeah.

12:31 Drew What a coincidence.

12:31 Adam Does he want to do this too?

12:34 Caller He definitely wants to do it.

12:35 Adam Yeah. Listen, he's in a hole and he's not that into you.

12:39 Caller No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you start this, we haven't even, we've slept together maybe like twice. We've been in this relationship for a while.

12:50 Adam Since Monday.

12:52 Drew He may be gay.

12:53 Adam He may be gay. Hey, Melissa. Listen, how serious can the guy be about you and the relationship if he's thinking about bringing another guy in to have sex with you?

13:01 Drew Before you even get your own relationship in stride.

13:03 Caller Yeah, that's true.

13:04 Adam All right. Listen, don't tell him you've done it before.

13:08 Caller Should I just get my kicks and just let him go or should I just say he will, you know?

13:13 Adam All right. Well, listen, honey, get some therapy, would you?

13:16 Caller What do you mean?

13:17 Adam You're whacked out.

13:18 Caller What do you mean I'm whacked?

13:19 Adam All right. Listen, here's what I want you to do. Don't get pregnant.

13:24 Caller I'm on the pillow and-

13:26 Adam Good.

13:26 There we go. Good.

13:27 Adam And try not to rack up too many miles.

13:29 Caller No.

13:29 Adam You'll regret it. All right?

13:31 Caller Seriously?

13:32 Adam All right. Yes.

13:34 Caller You really think I'm a fruit.

13:35 Drew No, no, no. You're not a fruit. And you're not sick fruit.

13:38 Adam She is a little nutty. She's a little whacked.

13:40 Drew But she's misinterpreting her impulses. I'm just an open person. I'm just into this. Okay.

13:47 Adam Yeah.

13:48 Drew What did Gwen say?

13:48 Adam Right. Dad beat her a little bit and now everyone's daddy. Robin?

13:54 Caller Hi.

13:54 Adam You're 20.

13:55 Caller Yeah. Okay. This question is for Dr. Drew.

13:58 Caller Yeah.

13:59 Caller Me and my fiance, we have been together for about three years, and we have a wonderful, prosperous, intimate relationship. But for the last two or three weeks, when we make love, when he goes to climax, before he has an orgasm, it's like he doesn't have an orgasm, but he gets a very terrible abdominal pain.

14:25 Drew He's never able to have an orgasm?

14:27 Caller Well, it's only been like this for the last two or three weeks. But other than that, I mean, he would always, always have an orgasm.

14:35 Drew Now he's not able to have one?

14:37 Adam She didn't finish her thought. Now he's not able to have an orgasm? Well, it's only been this way for three weeks.

14:45 Caller I mean, well, he's also, I was wondering if it could be, you know, stress?

14:49 Adam Hold on a second.

14:50 Drew She still hasn't answered the question.

14:51 Adam I know. I wonder, our listeners, our callers to this show must not be able to travel. Let me explain why they cannot travel.

15:00 Drew These are the people for whom the whole seatbelt thing needs to be repeated a thousand times.

15:05 Adam That doesn't need to be repeated for a monkey. Listen to me. Here's why they can't travel, because that part where the woman at the checkout desk says, has anyone asked you to carry a bag for them or has your bag been out of your site today? That part must just trip them up completely. Yeah, I don't think they could answer that. Do you think so?

15:33 Drew They could say no and happen to hit it right.

15:35 Adam They might get lucky just by saying no. You're probably right. Our callers probably have a little three by five card that just says no on it, that they pull out of their front pocket. The whole thing is like, if someone asks you a question and you're confused by it, just refer to the card. I think it actually says, uh, in front of no. All right. Let's not. Drew, don't attack poor Robin anymore. Robin, is he able to have an orgasm?

16:03 Caller Normally, yes.

16:06 Adam All right. I'm going to put you on hold for about 20 minutes, okay? Okay?

16:11 Caller Fine.

16:11 Drew She doesn't understand why.

16:12 Adam She doesn't. Listen, it's like, I don't care if the puppy doesn't know why it's being smacked with the rolled up newspaper, it cramped on the sofa, it's getting whacked with the paper. That's it. Trying for 20 minutes to figure out whether the guy actually has the orgasm with the intense abdominal pain or no orgasm with the abdominal pain and we can't seem to get to it. Sherry?

16:37 Caller Hi.

16:37 Adam Sherry.

16:38 Caller Hi. I guess my question is-

16:41 Adam Can you spell your name that way?

16:43 Caller Yeah.

16:43 Caller I know my name that way. Thanks.

16:44 Adam S-H-E-R-E-E?

16:47 Caller S-H-E-R-R-Y.

16:49 Drew Okay.

16:49 Adam Okay. That makes more sense. What's up?

16:52 Caller Okay. I've been going out with this guy for about a year. He's a good guy. He's pre-med and he's actually double majoring in psychology and he really, really looks up to Dr. Drew a lot and he's really smart. He's a great guy except for the problem I'm having now is I'm starting to feel a little neglected because he lives with his parents, which is cool. He really loves his parents. He talks about them all the time, but he spends all this time with his parents and he lives just 20 minutes away with his parents and I've never met his parents. He dishes, he breaks plans with me all the time to go shopping with his mom. Tomorrow's New Year's and tonight is just feeling worse because tomorrow's New Year's and he'd rather go up to his lake place with his parents and do something with me.

17:37 Drew How long have you been going out?

17:38 Caller Almost a year.

17:39 Adam He breaks plans with you to go shopping with his mom?

17:43 Yeah.

17:44 Caller My parents wanted to take him out to dinner. My parents have only met him once.

17:47 Adam I know. This may just be my own particular upbringing speaking, but I don't trust people that even speak to their parents.

17:54 Really?

17:55 Adam I really don't trust them, especially guys and especially with their mom.

17:58 Caller Well, he's admitted before that he's a momless boy, but I just feel really bad because he talks about his parents all the time and I know he loves them very much and I just don't understand. I'm starting to really feel bad. I feel like he's ashamed of me.

18:11 Drew Or maybe he just can't individuate enough from that family to have a relationship that he's really willing to step forward and be a part of.

18:19 Adam How does his mom treat you?

18:21 Drew She never met her.

18:22 Caller I've never met.

18:22 Adam Oh, you've never met?

18:23 Caller Never.

18:24 Adam I didn't hear that part.

18:25 Caller I've never met his brother. I've never, I mean, I've been, oh, he lives 20 minutes away. I've been to his house once and that was just to like pick up something and like left quick.

18:33 Adam Uh-huh.

18:34 Caller And it's just, and we always, and it gets kind of old because like we're always at my place. And like we, we used to go out like a lot, but then he got this job, he's pre-med. Now he, he's working in the ER of a hospital. And like now it's like forget it. He works like-

18:48 Adam You know what it seems like to me?

18:49 Drew He's just not having a close relationship. He's not open for a relationship right now.

18:53 Adam Well, A, he doesn't seem like he's really into the relationship.

18:56 Drew Not only any relationship, he just doesn't sound like he's even-

18:59 Adam Well, I think Claudia Shifford get him off the can.

19:01 Caller Like a year ago, he had just gotten over a relationship that lasted like three or four years.

19:05 Adam All right. Hey, Sherry?

19:08 Caller Yeah.

19:08 Adam You're doing a lot of rationalizing here.

19:11 Caller I know.

19:12 Adam I mean, you know, we get this call a lot with, you know, he really digs me except for fill in the blank. He's hanging out with his mom. I don't know a guy who really digs a chick who'd rather go to the mall with his mom. I really don't. I just don't. And if he's really into you, he's into you. And he ain't hanging with mom. He may like his mom. He may not take a swing at his mom, but he's going to tell his mom, hey, hit the mall without me. I'm going to go bang Sherry. You know what I mean?

19:45 Caller I know.

19:45 Adam So he's not, he's not that into you.

19:47 Drew What about what?

19:49 Caller Okay, Dr. Drew, I've read-

19:50 Drew In Mesh Relationships? Yeah. Well, that's what I was telling you is that he'd had one hypothesis, and this isn't even a theory, it's just a guess, is that he's so enmeshed that he hasn't individuated enough from his family to be able to be available for a real relationship, and that either they're too intrusive or he's too enmeshed or whatever it is, he's just not available for it. He's not there right now and he's still connected in this-

20:14 Adam Well, everyone has that. I was done with that phase at six and a half.

20:20 Drew You're supposed to be done then.

20:21 Adam I was like, I looked at my family, I sized them up and I said, this is a huge pack of losers. My God, I got to get out of this house.

20:28 Drew And there was something even rebelling by succeeding.

20:30 Adam Oh my God.

20:31 Drew Rebelling through success, huh?

20:33 Adam My family, they're nice and they mean well, but man, at eight, I knew they were losers. Eight, I mean, I looked at them at eight years old and I said, Dad, you're a pussy. And mom, you can't make it out of your room and I'm getting out of the house.

20:51 Drew I'm going to play football and build something.

20:53 Adam I'm getting out of the house, I'm going to build something, and I'll be over at the Bohm family's house eating. That's where I'm going to be.

20:59 Drew Bohm guard, Bohmski?

21:01 Adam Just B-O-E-H-M.

21:03 Drew The Bohm brothers.

21:04 Adam I bought, the best thing I did all Christmas is I bought Chris Bohm, my bestest buddy growing up. I bought his dad, like a big screen TV.

21:16 Drew Oh, he told me this.

21:16 Adam Because he was feeling, he was, you know, he's not doing so great. He doesn't make much money, drinks a little too much. He lives in a crappy apartment. He's got a TV set with knobs on it, you know, kind of, you got to, you know, turn with a pair of pliers because a knob broke off it. I got this guy big TV. I got my dad like a $30 sweater, you know, but I got, I got big Bohm. I got him a big TV and the guy was jazz because this guy took me out motorcycle riding and he took us to the mountains and he bought us, bought me dinner and lunch and I thought, yeah, you ought to repay the people. I mean, I told my dad, you should buy him the TV, but you ain't going to do that. So I'll do it, I'll do it on your behalf.

21:58 But I did.

22:01 Adam I told my dad, maybe I had a few too many drinks at dinner, but I looked at him across the table and I said, listen, you're into, you don't know it, but you're into a lot of families, the old Hoffer family, the Bohm family, you're into them for like, I'd say about five grand each. Worth a fried chicken, worth a magic mountain, worth a motorcycle riding, worth a sleepovers, worth a, you know, generally, you know, whatever it costs to raise a kid, they're in for a taste. You know what I'm saying?

22:30 Drew How do you react to that?

22:31 Adam He just sat there.

22:33 Drew Did he?

22:34 Adam I told him, I said, I'm buying him a TV set and you should be buying it.

22:38 Drew Did he get what you were saying?

22:40 Adam Uh, he kind of knew what I was talking about. He's heard it before.

22:46 Drew Okay.

22:47 Adam He's like, you know, just more ramp, you know, it's like on the radio.

22:50 Drew We gotta go to break.

22:51 Adam Oh, we do?

22:51 Drew Yeah.

22:51 Adam All right. Melanie?

22:53 Caller Yeah?

22:53 Adam You're 17.

22:54 Caller Yep.

22:55 Adam What's up?

22:56 Caller I just have a real quick question though, but before I ask a real question, have you seen the movie Go?

23:01 Adam No. Yes, I did.

23:03 Drew Go?

23:04 Caller Did you see that one part where the guy was like, he can hold his erection in for an hour and a half or something? I mean, have an orgasm for an hour and a half? Yeah. Had an erection for like six months?

23:16 Adam Right. Yeah. The black guy?

23:17 Caller Yeah.

23:18 Caller Is that true?

23:19 Drew No.

23:19 Caller Oh my God.

23:20 Caller Okay.

23:21 Drew All right. Yeah.

23:21 Caller I was just wondering about that.

23:23 Adam Can you have an erection for an hour and a half?

23:25 Drew Orgasm for an hour? No, you can't do that.

23:27 Adam Oh, he's talking about that tantric sex nonsense? No. Listen, everybody, listen, everybody always talks about that amazing orgasm. The orgasm lasts for a day and a half and all that stuff. Let me tell you, the orgasm may last for a day and a half. Stuff comes out of the end of your penis for about a second and a half. I don't care if you're a yogi or a guy who works on the docks. That's it.

23:56 Drew You turn inside out.

23:57 Adam Yeah. In the day, you can add a few more seconds to this part about the stuff coming out of your penis. That's when I'm in. Other than that, it's just a bunch of psychological crap. Okay. All right.

24:10 Drew And they have erection for excessive periods, you know, sustained for days and days. It's called priapism and it can harm your erectile function down the line.

24:17 Adam All right. So, hey, Melanie?

24:19 Caller Yeah?

24:20 Adam You're being stalked by a guy at school?

24:22 Caller Okay. It's not stalking.

24:23 Adam All right. Listen, we got to go to... What is it?

24:27 Caller Um, he's just, like, wrote this 11-page letter and he wants closure because he thinks I'm ignoring him, but we never went out.

24:34 Adam He wants closure?

24:35 Yeah, he wants closure.

24:37 Drew Melanie, this is stalking.

24:38 Adam All right. Hold on a second.

24:40 Okay.

24:40 Adam By the way, 11-pagers is more than I wrote in high school.

24:45 Drew You ever written the combined total of 11 pages in your life?

24:48 Adam I was, like, writing on The Man Show and stuff last season. And then...

24:52 Drew Did you have scribes doing that for you?

24:53 Adam Count that. Well, yeah, I don't mean wrote.

24:55 Oh, I see.

24:56 Adam Please. What's that place where they keep the books again?

25:01 Drew Library. Library.

25:03 Adam Library? Really? And they just give them to you?

25:07 Drew No, you have to get a card.

25:09 Adam And you're just walking in this big house with books and you take books home?

25:12 Drew Yeah.

25:12 Adam And then what? You keep them?

25:14 Drew You keep them for a while.

25:15 Adam You got to bring them back?

25:16 Drew Yeah.

25:17 Adam Wow. I got to check this out.

25:20 Drew I have the pictures in the middle.

25:22 Adam All right. We'll take a little break. We'll get back to Melanin or Stalking after this. I popped into it. Forced into it.

26:00 Drew By whom?

26:01 Adam Everyone. Hey, it's Loveline, all right.

26:04 Drew Are you inviting us?

26:05 Adam No.

26:05 Drew Okay, so to be clear. By the way, I don't feel bad. I just want to be clear.

26:11 Adam Why, you want to come over?

26:13 Drew You're not inviting us, I wouldn't want to invite you.

26:15 Adam I don't mind you coming over. You want to come over? I mean, you and Susan. Yeah.

26:20 What's her name?

26:22 Adam Drew's beautiful wife, Susan is here tonight. She'll be joining us at some point in the show.

26:27 Drew The Millennium Show.

26:28 Adam The big Millennium Show. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm Adam, that is Drew. And when we left off, we were speaking to Melanie, Melanie 17. Her, some guy at school wrote her a 11-page manifesto, one enclosure.

26:46 Caller Yeah. He also sketched a picture of me while sitting in class. And he handed it to me like in an envelope.

26:52 Caller I'm like, what am I supposed to do with this?

26:54 Adam Yeah. It's great.

26:56 Drew You're in college now?

26:57 Caller No, I'm in high school.

26:58 Adam All right. And he really likes you.

27:00 Drew No, no.

27:00 Caller I think it's like way more than that. What?

27:03 Adam Go ahead.

27:05 Caller Well, it basically started out as my friends wanted to set me up with some guy to go to the winter dance. And we totally met there. It wasn't even a date or anything like that.

27:14 Adam Was this him?

27:15 Caller It was him, yeah.

27:16 Drew So it was a date?

27:18 Caller No, it wasn't a date.

27:18 Adam Well, you got set up to go to the winter dance with him. He thought that was a date.

27:24 Drew How was that not a date?

27:24 Caller I thought it was, but we danced half the dance because he just sat there the whole night. So I danced with a whole bunch of other people.

27:33 Adam Okay.

27:33 Caller Now it's like he's in, I have two groups of friends. He totally got close to one of them. And I stopped sitting with them, obviously. All right. He's just like, are you avoiding me?

27:42 Adam Is he creepy?

27:44 Caller Yeah, he's kind of weird.

27:45 Adam What's wrong with him?

27:47 Caller No, nothing. He's just like always there, like at my blocker, you know? He's really, really quiet.

27:52 Drew All right. He's one of these obsessed guys.

27:54 Adam Yeah. He's like a nerdy guy. Let me tell you what the future is going to hold though, Melanie.

27:59 Drew He's going to be a producer in Hollywood.

28:01 Adam Here's why I want you really to enjoy this now.

28:04 Caller Okay.

28:05 Adam Really enjoy this, all right?

28:07 Caller Why?

28:08 Adam And I want you to remember this conversation we're having.

28:10 Caller Okay.

28:10 Drew In 15 years.

28:12 Adam Ten years.

28:13 Drew Ten years.

28:14 Adam Ten to 15 years.

28:15 Drew Yeah.

28:17 Adam You will either run into him or you will hear of him.

28:21 Caller Or I will.

28:22 Drew You will.

28:23 Caller I will, okay?

28:24 Adam All right. Should I put her on hold for this?

28:26 Caller No, no, no.

28:27 Drew No time.

28:27 Adam Okay. Listen to me.

28:28 Caller Okay.

28:30 Adam I know his look now is a little bit off. Is he a skinny guy?

28:34 Caller No, no. He's built.

28:35 Adam He's built?

28:36 Caller He's really tall, yeah. He's really tall and built, yeah. He's weird.

28:40 Adam Okay. Okay. The point is, is he's going to end up heading up his own web company or something, be some sort of multi-million dollar guy. He'll get a new look and a tailor and new haircut and all that. And you're going to have a couple of kids, maybe three. You're going to lose one of them.

28:58 Caller I'm going to call back in 15 years and prove you wrong, but go on.

29:01 Adam No, you'll have a couple of kids. You'll get hooked up with a guy. Things will be okay for you, but you'll see this guy in about 10 years and it'll be a total flip-flop situation.

29:10 Caller What do I do for now?

29:11 Caller He wants me to go out with him?

29:13 Adam Don't worry about now. Worry about the next 15 years.

29:16 Caller Am I supposed to ignore him now?

29:17 Adam Yes, just ignore him. Don't give him another morsel. If you really don't want to go out with him, you're going to have to confront him if he keeps going.

29:26 Caller We never went out.

29:27 Drew Well, you're going to have to make clear to him that you're just not interested in trying to make it any more clear.

29:30 Adam Hey, listen.

29:31 Hey.

29:32 Drew Have you told him?

29:33 Adam Jesus Christ. What does he want to go out with you for? You must really be good looking. You must be good looking because man, over the radio, it's a tough sell.

29:45 Caller That is so mean.

29:46 Adam All right. But just listen to me.

29:48 Caller Okay.

29:49 Adam I said to you, you're going to have to tell him you don't want to go out.

29:53 Caller You did.

29:53 Adam Okay. Well, then you got to call the cops. But don't keep yelling, we didn't go out. I'm not saying you went out. I'm just saying you're going to have to tell him you don't want to go out. And understand, though, that you go into the winter dance to him is you being out in his mind. My God.

30:11 Drew In a big way.

30:11 Adam I love it. I love it. I love it that, you know, there's not a human male alive that says, this chick, she's always stalking me, she's hanging out by my locker, she's drawing pictures of me, she's always looking at me. Is she one of those fat chicks? No, she's tall, she's angular. She's built, she's boxed up, she's good-looking. But she's getting on my nerves. I love it how guys can make a woman, not only how a guy who's tall and well-built, like this guy.

30:48 Drew Who she was anxious to go out with.

30:51 Adam Or at least would have gone out with can turn her stomach. That cannot be done to a man. But a tall, well-built, attractive woman could take a puppy and snap its neck right in front of a guy. And the guy would be like, OK, mental note, don't leave puppies around there. You look hot though. Can I buy you a drink? You know what I mean? I mean, that's how it works. It was like, well, we'll rationalize. This puppy probably had it coming. I'm not a puppy, so that's cool, right? You know what I mean? She could really say or do anything. And the part about her drawing a picture of you or hanging out by your locker, if it's a well-built woman, as Melanie described, fine. So be it.

31:47 Drew Fine, they'd be psyched. The guy would be all over that.

31:49 Adam I just love it that guys can really turn off women. And that's why, guys, I swear to you, listen to me. This is my Millennium message. Last night was the car seat gutter. It was a pretty important message. Tonight is the point at the other person in the car and force them to go at the four-way stop sign by moving them along like a traffic cop. Here's my other point. Less talking.

32:14 Drew Men?

32:14 Adam Men. Don't talk. All I did in high school, and for like five years after high school, was talk, got nothing. The second I clammed up, started getting trimmed. Just stop talking, guys. Don't talk. And don't worry. You can stop talking. They'll talk for you. And they'll go ahead, and they'll, they'll laminate all kinds of stuff onto you. Ooh, he's very deep. He's a big thinker, this guy. Brooding. Obviously a lot going on. All this can be gained from you not talking. Just don't talk, guys.

32:48 Drew Isn't this guy's experience now in high school what's going to create the captains of industry of the future? Yes. This is it.

32:54 Adam That's right.

32:54 Drew This is a sentinel experience.

32:55 Adam Absolutely. This will force him to work hard, make money, and get his revenge. But guys, I'm telling you, don't talk. You're much better off. Look at all the guys who get laid in high school. Not big, not big gabbers. Go ahead, Tom.

33:11 Yeah. I'm 15, and my parents didn't give me circumcised when I was a kid, when I was a baby. I was wondering if that turns chicks off.

33:22 Drew First of all, I'm delighted to hear that the trend has finally changed. For the last five years it's been, I'm so pissed at my parents, they took away a piece of my body. Now it's, hey, what the hell, what were they thinking?

33:32 Adam Yeah, but that was never from a 15-year-old. This is from guys who don't know they're gay who are in their 40s. Do you know what I'm talking about? No. That movement of my foreskin was stolen. Yeah. I want it back.

33:50 Drew Right.

33:51 Adam Was probably at its height about 10 years ago.

33:54 Drew About five years ago, I think.

33:56 Adam We've been doing the show for five years.

33:58 Drew It's about three, four, all right, okay.

34:00 Adam It's more like 10. All right. It was done by guys. It was guys in their 40s. It was never 15-year-olds. 15-year-olds want their penis to look like whoever's standing next to them in the shower. Yeah. That's your... Whatever the guys got hanging between his legs, that's what you want hanging between your legs when you're in the locker room.

34:19 Drew Just not smaller.

34:20 Adam In junior high. Right. Yes. Not a scaled down version. Not the abridged version of what's dangling next to you. But you want basically to say make the same model.

34:33 Drew And will girls laugh? Some women, we've had calls anyway that they are uncomfortable with it.

34:38 Adam Some are freaked out and some aren't.

34:40 Drew But any person of sort of any reason, maturity and substance would not have any issue with it.

34:47 Adam And it depends how many, some at year 15, you know, the woman you're with, the girl you're with may not have seen a bevy of other penises before yours. You know what I mean? She may not have seen one.

34:59 Drew Just squeamish, uncomfortable, that's all, sometimes. I don't know if she's into you. Look at women have to overlook about guys anyway.

35:06 That's right.

35:06 Drew Forrest Ginn is going to make a big difference.

35:08 Adam Some women are freaked out, but that's all right. That's how you can separate the girls from the women. Chris?

35:16 What's up?

35:17 Adam You're 18.

35:18 Caller I'd like to say both here are the bomb and happy new year.

35:21 Adam Thank you.

35:22 Caller Yeah. I did lots of nitrous a few weeks ago, and now when I get pissed off, I pass out.

35:28 Drew How long are you out for?

35:30 Caller Like, I'm not sure, like 30 seconds.

35:34 Drew You fall to the ground?

35:36 Caller Sometimes I don't go all the way out, but I like start, like, I don't know. I can tell I'm going out because everything turns red.

35:43 Adam What? Did you get hold of a nitrous tank?

35:46 Caller No. I did four cases. I had 24 charges apiece, almost 100 in one.

35:52 Adam Wow. 96 charges. The nitrous, what they use for propellants and, like, restaurant supply stores for charging up, like, whipped cream canisters and stuff.

36:06 Drew I suspect, I bet you there were some hydrocarbons in there, too, and not just nitrous.

36:10 Caller That's pure NO2.

36:12 Drew Nothing else?

36:13 Adam Yeah, I don't know why. Where do you get them? At a head shop?

36:16 Caller Yeah, and they give you a balloon and a cracker.

36:19 Adam That's absolutely amazing.

36:21 Drew What's the cracker for?

36:22 Adam Well, that opens it into the balloon. See, you know how this works, Drew?

36:26 Drew Yeah.

36:26 Adam I did this when I was in high school. You get a balloon, one of those durable balloons. One of those punching bag balloons.

36:33 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

36:33 Adam Had like a rubber band on them and you... They're still around. Oh, they are?

36:37 Yeah.

36:38 Adam Your kids got those?

36:39 Oh, yeah.

36:40 Adam I kill them. I go insane with that. But anyway, the point is you get one of those type of balloons and you get a little thing. It's a little like a plastic thing with a pin in it. Oh, right.

36:50 Drew I know that.

36:50 Adam It looks kind of like an inhaler.

36:51 Drew It's called a cracker?

36:52 Adam Well, that's what, you know, this is a nitrous criss-call. It went to El Cino. It's a pre-med. No, it looks like one of those little inhaler things. And you turn it and it pierces it and fills up the balloon. Now, does one cartridge fill up a balloon or is it a little more?

37:08 Caller I do too, but it...

37:10 Adam Two cartridges. You can get two cartridges into one of those balloons?

37:13 Caller Yeah, it gets it pretty big though.

37:15 Adam Yeah, then you fill up the balloon. Then you put the balloon on your mouth and just like you were sucking it up to do that helium voice.

37:22 Caller Wah, wah, wah.

37:23 Adam You do it... Well, that's what it does later. But you suck the whole balloon in and then everything around you goes wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, for about... It's about 30 seconds or something. And then you kind of snap back.

37:39 Drew But then you want the dentist to listen to you? What was it you were trying to do?

37:43 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ. I had such a bad high last time I was at the dentist. Hey, hey, listen though, Chris. How do you do 96 of those in a sitting?

37:54 Caller Well, as you said, it only takes like 30 seconds. And I had a really bad day and didn't have any weed, so...

37:59 Drew So you do a lot of pod also.

38:01 Adam I know, but I mean, I mean, you do five of those, and you know, eight of them. And then it's just like you got a headache and you're kind of tired. I mean, how do you do 96 of those?

38:12 Caller I don't get a headache. I just trip out for like 30 seconds and then bust open two more.

38:17 Adam Jesus Christ. How much are those things at the head shop?

38:21 Caller About 14 bucks for 24. Wow.

38:25 Drew So you smoke a pod during any other drugs?

38:28 Caller Shrooms and lots of alcohol.

38:31 Adam All right. So you'll be fine in a couple of years.

38:33 Drew These could be actually seizure phenomenon. It is important you see a doctor.

38:37 Adam Jesus.

38:38 Drew Another thing can happen, you can actually cause rhythm disturbances and damage to the heart. And so there may be some issue when you bear down or when you're getting mad, you start tensing up that there's a rhythm problem is induced. So these are actually quite, quite serious symptoms that need to be evaluated.

38:53 Caller It almost happened in the car the other day.

38:56 Drew That's one of the issues that you could fall or crash a car.

38:59 Adam Hey, Chris.

39:00 Drew More importantly, you could die.

39:02 Adam Chris, listen to me. You're 18. You got a lot of energy in this department, man. I mean, if you can sit down and do 96 nitrous cartridges, you got some serious energy in the addiction department.

39:14 Drew Oh, yeah.

39:15 Adam Serious.

39:17 Caller One time in a year, though.

39:18 Drew Yeah, but you're chronic marijuana addict.

39:19 Adam Listen, you smoke a lot of weed, you drink a lot, you do mushrooms, you got a ton of energy in this department, man. I've grown up, I grew up with guys like this. I still know, but the point is, man, 10 years of just their life is ruined, forgotten, in and out of jail, screw ups, 502s, bad relationships, lost jobs. I mean, it's a mess. You might as well just deal with it now.

39:44 Caller Do you think it's gonna be permanent, or?

39:46 Adam If this ain't, listen.

39:48 Drew I just told you it's possible you won't survive this if you don't get this taken care of right now.

39:51 Adam But listen, screwball. If this, let's say you never feel any more ill effects from the nitrous, you're still gonna just clean yourself out when you're drunk and driving six months from now anyway, or whatever. You know what I'm saying? You're screwed anyway.

40:07 Drew Unless you deal with this.

40:08 Adam If I were you, I'd hope this was a problem and got you to quit. Because you got a lot of energy. Well, you can't sit down and do 96 of those little cartridges without having some serious momentum in that department.

40:21 Drew He's a serious addict, very, very serious.

40:23 Adam 96?

40:24 Drew Yeah.

40:24 Adam Jesus Christ. The other thing you do is you steal one of those tanks from the hospital. You know, you sit in someone's garage. But then people die that way because they leave them running. And once you pass out, that's it.

40:36 Drew Yep.

40:36 Adam You're done.

40:37 Drew All right. He may have had, you know, oxygen deficiency. They actually get oxygen cut off from the brain.

40:43 Adam Yeah.

40:43 Drew The nitrous oxide would replace the oxygen and you'll get a brain injury. You get to actual, like a stroke.

40:49 Adam Frank is 19. When we get back, we'll speak to him. Are we going to speak to him?

40:53 Drew If you wish. Or?

40:55 Adam Oh, parents are forcing her to go on birth control. Let's know what the cheapest kind is.

41:01 Drew She's 14.

41:02 Adam 14. We'll talk to Karen after this.

41:07 Drew Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

41:09 Adam Back in a minute. Well, it's worth hearing. That's all right.

41:42 Drew I'm telling you.

41:43 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Forget about the fax number. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. And when we left off, we were talking about talking to Karen, who's 14. Your parents are forcing you to go on birth control?

41:58 Caller Yeah.

41:59 Adam Why?

41:59 Caller First of all, I just wanted to say, Leni, I love you so much, Adam.

42:05 Caller Oh, really? Yeah.

42:07 Adam Why?

42:08 Caller Because, well, I hated you at first because you kind of gruff, you know? And but then it kind of grew on me because I listen to you every night.

42:17 Caller Oh, all right.

42:18 Adam Well, thank you.

42:18 Caller Okay.

42:20 Adam You attracted me spiritually or physically?

42:23 Drew It's a spiritual attraction. She hated you at first.

42:25 Adam I see.

42:26 Drew Good. This is the other thing women can do. I'm repulsed. Now I love you.

42:30 Adam Yeah, that can happen too, although it usually goes the other way with me.

42:34 Caller What?

42:34 Adam They go from lukewarm to repulsed.

42:37 Caller All right.

42:38 Adam Karen, let's talk about you.

42:41 Caller Okay.

42:42 Adam What's up? So you're on the pill, right?

42:44 Caller No, I'm not on anything.

42:46 Adam But your parents are forcing you to go on the pill?

42:48 Caller Yeah, I just went to the gynecologist on Tuesday.

42:51 Adam How long does the pill take the kick in, Drew?

42:53 Drew Depends which one you're using. Which pill you're on?

42:58 Caller Hello?

42:59 Drew Which medicine are you on?

43:01 Caller I'm not on anything right now. They're going to make me go on it. But our plan, our free state plan doesn't cover any of it. And so it's really upsetting my parents. And every time this comes up in conversation, it gets both of us really upset because she gets so upset about it.

43:19 Adam Your mother does?

43:20 Caller Yeah.

43:21 Adam Why is she getting you on the pill?

43:24 Caller Because I've had sex before and she doesn't know any of the people who I've done it with. They're all way older than me.

43:33 Drew Why are you doing that? Why are you doing that?

43:35 Adam Where's daddy?

43:36 Drew Yeah.

43:37 Adam Daddy ain't around. When did daddy leave?

43:40 Caller He didn't leave.

43:42 Adam Where is he?

43:43 Caller It's so strange. I don't understand any of this. Well, I do understand it, but I've got the perfect family. My parents are together. They've been together for 16 years.

43:53 Drew Well, you said you do understand it. What do you understand?

43:55 Caller I understand why I'm like this.

43:57 Drew Why?

43:58 Caller Because I was raped last year.

44:00 Drew So, this isn't acting out of all that. Why don't you get some rape counseling?

44:04 Caller I've been in therapy for over a year now.

44:07 Drew Okay.

44:07 Adam Who raped you when you were 13?

44:10 Caller I didn't know him.

44:11 Drew Was this like in a park or something?

44:13 Caller It was on Halloween. It was at a party.

44:16 Drew That's awful.

44:17 Adam What happened?

44:19 Caller I really don't want to get into that again.

44:22 Adam Did you get drunk?

44:23 Caller No, I wasn't drunk.

44:25 Adam You were at the party?

44:27 Caller Yeah.

44:28 Adam Was there other people at the party?

44:30 Caller Yeah, but not in the particular place that I was.

44:33 Drew Are you an alcoholic or is there alcohol in your family?

44:36 Caller There wasn't any there. I mean, there were...

44:39 Drew No, no. I forget whether or not you were drinking. I'm just wondering if there is that in your family in general.

44:43 Caller No. Not in my family. My mom's stepdad was a drunk person, always drunk.

44:50 Drew But not your biological grandfather?

44:53 Caller Nope. Nobody in my family.

44:55 Adam Hmm. Right, Karen?

44:57 Caller Yeah.

44:58 Adam There's more here. Gotta be a little more.

45:00 Drew What I was going after is that sometimes alcoholics will deflect their feelings through compulsive behaviors, and sexual acting out is one way is to avoid actually having the feelings associated that are left around from this awful rape.

45:12 Caller Well, I've always been a really sexual person. I just... I get into stuff a lot faster.

45:17 Adam So this guy at the party was just another guy who was at the party. He was just a guy at the party.

45:24 Caller Yeah, there was a guy there.

45:26 Adam How old was he?

45:27 Caller I don't know. He was in his mid-twenties.

45:30 Adam Did you call the police?

45:32 Caller No, I didn't tell anybody until about June.

45:34 Drew How come?

45:36 Caller Huh?

45:36 Drew How come?

45:38 Caller Because I couldn't... he threatened to kill me. He knew where I lived.

45:43 Adam And how is it that you ended up alone with him where no one could hear you?

45:48 Caller Oh, well, I was with him. Like, I...

45:51 Adam Well, didn't you say you didn't know him?

45:53 Caller I didn't. I previously.

45:56 Adam Previous to knowing him?

45:59 Drew Were you on a date with him?

46:00 Caller No.

46:00 Drew Were you hanging out with him?

46:01 Caller Yeah, I just met him.

46:03 Drew At the party?

46:04 Caller Yeah.

46:05 Adam And you went somewhere with him?

46:07 Caller Yeah.

46:08 Adam And then he raped you somewhere at the party?

46:11 Caller Yeah.

46:12 Adam All right, hold on a second. I got to talk to Drew. There's little bits and pieces missing here. Like, where did he take her at the party? And how come she couldn't have just screamed if the guy came at her?

46:24 Drew Why does she, even though she doesn't know who he is, how does she believe that he can still get to her if she tells anybody?

46:30 Adam And, you know, when did the threats come? And what's up with the 13-year-old heading out with the 20-something-year-old who she met at the party anyway? And where did they go that was so far away that nobody could hear her? Or why didn't, what's up with that? Now she just dates older guys and the mom is forced her on birth control?

46:50 Drew Yeah. But dad's there but he's, mm-hmm, we don't really hear about the dad.

46:59 Caller Yeah?

46:59 Adam Come on, what's up here?

47:00 Caller You make me sound so horrible.

47:02 Adam Well, no, that's not your fault. I'm just, but what's up? There's more here than just this.

47:08 Caller There's so much BS the past year. I've been in and out of the hospital for suicide and other things.

47:15 Adam That's what we're talking about.

47:16 Drew We're talking about a lot more here than just what you're telling us.

47:19 Caller Yeah.

47:20 Adam Well, what is it? Well, what are we missing here?

47:23 Caller Well, I don't look my age. I don't seem my age. I'm into a lot of other stuff way above my head.

47:32 Adam Like what?

47:35 Caller My conversations with people, it gets them off track and it's my fault.

47:41 Drew Are you on medication?

47:42 Caller Yeah. I'm on valproic acid and Zola.

47:44 Drew So you're bipolar? You're manic depressive?

47:47 Adam Okay.

47:47 Drew Okay. So you're manic depressive, you have personality disorder too, have they told you?

47:53 Caller Not that I know of.

47:54 Drew Okay.

47:54 Adam How old are the guys that you usually date?

47:59 Caller Anywhere from the youngest to 17, the oldest.

48:05 Drew Something happened here. I mean, this is some history here that we're missing.

48:08 Adam All right. Hey, Karen?

48:11 Drew She's missing, by the way.

48:12 Adam Can you do some therapy and take your meds and not date older guys for a little while?

48:17 Caller I haven't dated anybody for two months.

48:19 Drew Good.

48:20 Adam Okay, good. There.

48:21 Drew And the birth control is fine. That's an okay idea, but make sure you talk to your psychiatrist about it.

48:25 Caller No, I need... You never answered.

48:27 Drew Hang on. I'll get to the question. Karen, hang on here. We're trying to just to make sure we sort through all the details here. And the fact is, make sure you talk to the psychiatrist if you go on birth control pills, because people with bipolar illness can be set off by these pills sometimes. You already know. Okay. Where can you get the pills for cheap? Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood and your family doctor or most family clinics will have tons of samples available where you can get them for free.

48:54 Adam Okay. All right. Well, a little more there than meets the ear.

48:58 Drew As always.

48:59 Adam As always. We'll be back. Nate, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew in his better half, and we will take ourselves a little 10 second time out. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

49:49 Caller This is Loveline on radio station.

50:04 Susan Pinsky It's Loveline.

50:05 Adam I'm Adam, that is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Joining us in the studio is Drew's lovely bride, Susan. And Susan, I don't know who I was talking to the other day about you, but I think you're much saner than you were in the past.

50:26 Susan Pinsky Was that a compliment?

50:26 Adam I had a conversation with, yes. I had a conversation with somebody and I, and, and, and I was, we were talking about you, and I can't remember who it was with, but if someone who knew you, and we both agreed, well, actually, it was my idea. I said, Susan is, is different than she was, let's say, two years ago. Now, not a different person, but you're mellower than you used to be. Would you say that's true?

50:51 Drew Kids are older.

50:52 Adam Are the kids not driving you as insane? Is there some, is there therapy? Or is there pharmaceuticals? What's, is there more help around the house?

51:05 Susan Pinsky Just more good sex.

51:07 Adam Is that what it is? And does Drew know about this? No, and I, you know, I couldn't figure it out, but there's a difference. Do you, do you feel more mellow?

51:22 Susan Pinsky I'm older.

51:23 Adam Is that what it is?

51:25 Susan Pinsky You don't look older, baby.

51:26 Susan Pinsky I'm 40.

51:27 Drew Celebrating her 40th birthday.

51:28 Adam Amazing. Wow. She looks amazing for 40. Man. That's nice. Yeah.

51:34 Susan Pinsky Especially on the radio.

51:35 Adam No, I mean, you really look good.

51:37 Susan Pinsky Thank you.

51:38 Susan Pinsky I mean, really good.

51:39 Caller You look good, too.

51:41 Adam Thank you. 40. I can't believe you're 40. Hey, really. I mean, you're all there. Thank you. Nothing wrong with you. And you think age is mellowing you out a little bit? Not that you're bouncing off the walls before, but you had a little more energy. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean, you're just a little more hang back, you're a little more sort of go with the flow. I mean, I'm sure you feel the pain in the ass. I mean, under stressful situations, but I mean, you're just, you're mellower, you're just easier.

52:16 Susan Pinsky What did you say? I probably am.

52:19 Adam Yeah, well, what do you think that is? I mean, I don't want to turn the whole show into a- Let's see.

52:23 Susan Pinsky Two years ago.

52:24 Adam What's going on with your life.

52:25 Drew We've changed a lot of stuff in our life. A lot.

52:27 Susan Pinsky A lot's changed.

52:28 Adam Bigger house? Does that help?

52:29 Drew Different house, older kids, kids all in the same school. Yeah, like- I'm working less.

52:35 Adam It seems like you've checked a few things off the list and it's just like when you got a whole bunch of balls in the air, it's a little more stressful. It seems like you're just juggling a couple now.

52:49 Susan Pinsky I think I've achieved more and I'm at a newer level. I'm not working so hard and chasing my tail all the time. Yeah, that's good. I've moved up in my social levels and my-

53:04 Adam Well, you guys are living in a compound now.

53:07 Susan Pinsky Well, we-

53:08 Drew No, you mean like social, you mean friends, more friends.

53:11 Susan Pinsky Connections. I have less, I have better clients. I have more purpose with Drew's business and I can cut out things that I was doing just to get ahead, to get a name and now I'm like, well, I don't have to do that anymore and I'm working with people I want to work with and I'm being friends with who I want to be friends with.

53:33 Adam Okay. Well, that's not overdoing.

53:35 Susan Pinsky So, you know, it changes as you get older, you just choose what you want to do. You can let go of the things that are not important.

53:43 Adam Okay.

53:43 Susan Pinsky So I'm trying for you, Adam.

53:46 Adam It's working. It's working. I'm enjoying myself.

53:49 Susan Pinsky I have had some therapy as well.

53:52 Adam I smelled some therapy. There's something going on. It was that or I was going to check your ass, see if you got hit with the tranquilizer dart. That's my original hypothesis. Someone must have with a blow gun in the hedge must have hit her with something.

54:07 Susan Pinsky And good sex.

54:08 Adam Just mellowed right out. Yeah, Drew's good, isn't he?

54:11 Susan Pinsky Awesome.

54:11 Adam Drew is all man too. I mean, a lot of people look at Drew and they think of him as, especially if they just listen to the radio, maybe the nebush doctor, but they don't realize he is all man.

54:23 Deal with the fact that I am gay?

54:27 Susan Pinsky No.

54:27 Adam He is all man. He is hung like a black rhino. I saw his penis at the airport in St. Louis. I never forget that day. Frank?

54:41 Yes.

54:42 Adam You're 19?

54:43 Caller Yes.

54:43 Adam What's up?

54:45 Caller Well, I got a question. It seems no matter what I do, I can never seem to attract women. I think I'm a kind of attractive guy. For some reason, girls just don't like me. I've tried everything. My mom said I'm like a chameleon because I keep trying new approaches with women, trying to change to get them to like me, and nothing seems to work.

55:05 Adam Uh-huh. You sound a little uptight. I mean, not uptight, but anxious.

55:09 Caller I'm nervous because I'm on the radio.

55:11 Adam I see.

55:12 Drew It's sort of an anger thing going on here.

55:14 Adam Really? Angry?

55:14 Drew Yeah, a little bit.

55:16 Caller Yeah, I'm a little bit angry about it.

55:18 Adam Yeah. Well, were you angry before it?

55:20 Caller No. I'm a very mellow person usually.

55:23 Adam All right. But let me, we'll ask Susan since she's the only full woman in the room. Drew's only half woman. Susan, would you agree with this statement that women don't want to see a guy attempting to put on the veil of somebody who they're going to be interested in, but they want to see a guy doing his thing, leading his life, and they get attracted to that guy. Don't, they don't want to see a guy spending, working overtime trying to figure out what they want and then creating that. They love a guy who's doing his thing, and then you two come together.

56:00 Susan Pinsky And I have a theory.

56:01 Adam Go ahead.

56:01 Susan Pinsky And it's worked. I've given this advice to somebody else. When you meet a woman you like, tell her that you have a girlfriend, but she's a model, and she travels all over the world, and you never see her, and you're thinking about breaking up with her. And here's my phone number, but don't leave a message. If I don't pick up the phone, don't leave a message.

56:23 Adam Good.

56:24 Susan Pinsky And if you're lucky, Just take a note. You'll get her phone number, and then she'll think that you're not available, which is much more interesting, because somebody else will have you, so you must be okay.

56:36 Adam Right, yeah. I mean, let's look at women. Let's look at women this way. Women are into what? Jewelry, diamonds. Now, let's just take diamond as a good sort of metaphor.

56:48 Drew Creating a market out of nothing.

56:49 Adam Out of nothing. First off, it's a chunk of rock that is essentially useless, except for it has industrial applications, but it's useless when it's strapped onto your finger. You can take this little piece of...

57:02 Drew Rocks would probably wash up on the shore...

57:04 Adam .of rock that isn't really... It's not really even a precious stone. It's artificially controlled by some debiers, some cartel in South Africa, and you women can go at it to see who has the bigger one and get poor son of a bitch of guys to spend 35, 40, 100 grand on this little rock that really just only has an industrial application. Okay, why? Why? Why? Because that's the way women think. I mean, that is something that has been... it's like a guy. He's been...he...the market has been adjusted, has been manipulated.

57:39 Drew The market is created by demand.

57:41 Adam Right.

57:42 Drew That's it. He's in demand, his value goes up.

57:44 Adam Right.

57:45 Susan Pinsky So maybe if you have a diamond in your pocket that you're going to give somebody else, but you're taking it back to the store, they'll call you, they'll be interested, and you can just expect that they'll give you their phone number immediately. It works, I swear to God.

57:59 Adam The problem is Frank is 19 and drives a male cart. Do you know what I mean?

58:07 Susan Pinsky How do you know?

58:08 Adam Because I know... he's one of these guys who...

58:10 Susan Pinsky What do you drive?...

58:11 Adam buys the male cart at the auction for 800 bucks, where they take the primer paint, and they just spray out the US paint.

58:18 Susan Pinsky He didn't tell you that way.

58:20 Adam He's living at home, so that part about I'm dating a model who's in Europe right now, probably may not fly.

58:25 Susan Pinsky Okay, you can turn it down. She could be in New York.

58:28 Adam What kind of car do you drive?

58:29 Caller 87 Cadillac DeVille.

58:31 Adam 87?

58:32 Caller Yeah.

58:32 Adam Well, this 87, yeah. All right, not bad. Where did you get the car?

58:37 Caller It was a hand-me-down from my dad.

58:39 Adam All right, you live at home? Yes. What do you do for a living?

58:43 Caller I work for my father.

58:44 Adam What's he do?

58:45 He's a real estate appraiser.

58:47 Adam Okay.

58:49 Susan Pinsky Well, you don't have to be living with her, okay? She could be your girlfriend and you're going to give her a ring and you could gather.

58:55 Drew But the point is...

58:56 Susan Pinsky She's unavailable and...

58:57 Drew And our usual advice is, Frank, get your own ass together and get your life on gear and focus on doing something productive.

59:03 Susan Pinsky I like my way better.

59:04 Drew No, no, yours is a short-term stopgap.

59:07 Susan Pinsky But don't be lean and hungry. It doesn't work. Women hate it. They run for the hills. Men hate it, too.

59:13 Adam No, no, no.

59:15 Susan Pinsky Lean and hungry does not get you anything.

59:17 Drew Claudia Schiffer, Lean and Hungry with Adam?

59:19 Adam No.

59:19 Drew What would happen with Claudia Schiffer with Lean and Hungry for you?

59:22 Adam Lean and Hungry. First off, I think we've discovered a new frozen food title here, Lean and Hungry. Write that down, Drew. The Dr. Drew Lean and Hungry Cuisine. That's good. Okay. Listen, here's the example I'm going to use. A man and a woman break up, and the man's lonely, and the man's desperate, and he's been sitting in his one-bedroom apartment for the last three weeks, and he decides, you know what? I'm going to shave, I'm going to dust myself off, I'm going to go hit some singles club, and I'm going to go find myself a woman I'm going to score, I'm going to have a nice one-night stand, I'm going to go find myself a good-looking single chick at some party. He goes down to the singles club, and he's having a drink, but he's still got that stink on him because he got dumped a few weeks earlier, and he's depressed, and he's lonely, and maybe he's a little bit desperate, and he starts sending drinks to women down the bar. They smell that stink on him. Even though he might be an attractive guy, and there's nothing wrong with him, he got dumped, and he's got a little desperation going, and his confidence isn't what it used to be. It's been broken. His ego's taken a blow, and he ain't going home with anything that night. Let's face it. You take the same situation. Attractive woman, boyfriend dumped her. She decides, I'm going to dress to the nines tonight. I've been sitting home eating Haagen-Dazs for two weeks. I'm going out to a singles club tonight. Guys are all over her. Guys see that?

1:00:51 Drew That's easy picking.

1:00:52 Adam She's weak. Her self-esteem isn't what it is.

1:00:55 Susan Pinsky When I was in my 20s, I was attractive, and it was the same problem.

1:00:59 Drew That's what guys think.

1:01:00 Susan Pinsky No.

1:01:00 Adam That's true. If you're an attractive woman...

1:01:03 Susan Pinsky Guys know when you're anxious and you really want to meet a nice guy. They know because they do.

1:01:10 Adam They may know. They don't care is what I'm saying. They're in.

1:01:14 Susan Pinsky No, they're not.

1:01:14 Adam The fact that you're...

1:01:15 Susan Pinsky Not always. Not the nice guys, not the ones that you...

1:01:18 Adam The fact that you're... Well, maybe you ain't marrying them that evening, but they'll be around.

1:01:23 Susan Pinsky But if you tell them that you have a boyfriend, suddenly the whole room will get up and try to date you. I swear to God. They have a meeting, right, Drew?

1:01:31 Adam No.

1:01:31 Drew The women do. The guys don't.

1:01:32 Susan Pinsky The women do.

1:01:33 Adam The guys don't. Listen to me, screwball.

1:01:34 Susan Pinsky I swear to God.

1:01:35 Adam Listen, shut Susan's mouth. She's getting out of hand now.

1:01:38 Susan Pinsky You think it's a one-way street.

1:01:40 Adam I am telling you, if you're at a party and there's a beautiful woman and she says, I got a boyfriend, you go, bummer. And if you talk to that beautiful woman and she says, man, I'm single, you go, yeah, yeah. I'm more into her. I'm definitely more into her because she's single. It doesn't, we don't need to be enticed. The fact that she's an attractive woman, that's what we're in for. All the other stuff, just a bunch of crap that's going to get in the way.

1:02:09 Susan Pinsky Yeah, but if she's got a boyfriend, then it's safe. He doesn't have to worry about commitment.

1:02:14 Adam No, we don't care because we'll fool her for the night anyway. We'll talk about commitment. No, I mean, seriously, Susan, you're way off here.

1:02:23 Susan Pinsky Okay, sorry.

1:02:24 Adam All right, Barrett.

1:02:25 Drew Right as it pertains to women.

1:02:26 Susan Pinsky I tried.

1:02:27 Adam Right as it pertains to women, not with men. Barrett, you're 15.

1:02:31 Caller Yeah, hey, what's up?

1:02:32 Adam What's up?

1:02:33 Caller I was talking to my friend the other day, and I had mentioned to him that when I was masturbating, my testicle had gone up inside of me, like in the pelvis area.

1:02:43 Drew That's normal.

1:02:44 Caller It's normal?

1:02:44 Drew Yep, it happens to a lot of guys.

1:02:47 Caller Okay, like what causes it like?

1:02:49 Drew That's where your testes come from in the first place. They descend down from the hinterlands where you would have grown ovaries if you didn't have a Y chromosome.

1:02:57 Adam They're like salmon going upstream, you know, back to the original spawning place.

1:03:01 Drew They want to return.

1:03:02 Adam They're returning, yeah.

1:03:04 Drew But it's okay, don't worry.

1:03:06 Caller Okay.

1:03:06 Adam Why do they do it while you're masturbating, though?

1:03:08 Drew The cremasteric, it's actually as you ejaculate, right?

1:03:12 Caller No, it was before.

1:03:14 Drew Or just at about the time of ejaculation?

1:03:16 Susan Pinsky How much before? How many minutes?

1:03:19 Caller I honestly don't remember.

1:03:19 Drew It's right at the time of ejaculation. There's a cremasteric response.

1:03:23 Susan Pinsky I'm sorry.

1:03:23 Adam It used to happen to me until I started tying a gyms sock and a knot at the base of my scrotum, so as not to let them wander.

1:03:32 Drew That's good.

1:03:32 Adam Yeah. It's good and it's extra absorbent. All right, where are we going here, Drew? On to line three. Melissa?

1:03:40 Susan Pinsky Yeah.

1:03:41 Adam You're 18? You're on with our special guest tonight, the beautiful Susan.

1:03:46 Susan Pinsky Hi. Hi.

1:03:47 Adam Drew's a lovely wife and do you know and you must know.

1:03:50 Susan Pinsky I don't know anything though.

1:03:52 Adam No, she doesn't know anything, but here's one thing you do know. How many women are hot for your husband? Oh, man. I know that must drive you insane, but it's so true. It's so true and how allegedly dedicated he is.

1:04:07 Drew How unresponsive, how little I respond to that.

1:04:11 Adam He has no response, like he doesn't have a pulse. I know no response will ever be good enough for you or no lack of response will ever be enough of a lack of response for you, Susan, but I'm telling you, it cannot get any better than Drew.

1:04:26 Drew It's because I'm hot.

1:04:27 Adam It is not humanly possible. It is not humanly possible. You understand? I mean, you just can't get better than Drew. You can't. That's what drives the woman nuts too, by the way.

1:04:39 Susan Pinsky He's the best.

1:04:40 Adam Melissa, you're 18.

1:04:43 Susan Pinsky Thanks Adam for that little point.

1:04:46 Adam Except for Jenna Jamison. Go ahead, Melissa.

1:04:50 Caller Okay. Well, my best friend's dad wants to have a relationship with me.

1:04:58 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:05:00 Caller And I don't know if I should go through with it though, because my friend has no idea of this, but.

1:05:06 Drew How old is he?

1:05:07 Caller He's 33.

1:05:09 Adam He's 33? Wow. He had her when he was 15 or something?

1:05:14 Caller 16, I believe it was. He's 15. She's younger than me.

1:05:18 Drew Not a good thing, Melissa.

1:05:19 Adam And your best friend is 15?

1:05:21 Caller Yeah.

1:05:22 Adam Yeah, that's weird already.

1:05:23 Caller He's like not my neighbor, but we used to live near each other. So when I moved out, like away, we had contact.

1:05:28 Drew It's that best friend arrangement.

1:05:29 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:05:31 Adam Magically, your best friend lives next door to you. And then later on, when you get a car, you realize not my best friend anymore. You know, and people always talk about it. They go, they go, what happened to you and Stu? You guys were really tight. Yeah, we were best friends. Uh-huh. Well, what happened? Hey, you know, we kind of drifted apart. It's like, no, I got my driver's license. I drove, and then I realized, I don't have to be best friends with the guy who lives across the street. What an amazing coincidence that everyone's best friend lives across the street from them when they grow up. How does that happen? How does God take everyone, pair them up so magically that way from a geographic standpoint? Or is this just some idiot who lives across the street from you, and because you have no range, you're screwed? Melissa. You meet your soulmate, your soulmate, which is your first girlfriend when you're 15, magically sits behind you in chemistry class. Michael is, in my case, a ceramics class.

1:06:30 Susan Pinsky But well back to the point.

1:06:32 Adam They're different. All right. So she wants to have sex.

1:06:34 Drew So Melissa, we obviously-

1:06:36 Adam He wants to have sex with her.

1:06:37 Drew Encouraging this with you to be with any 33-year-old. We wonder why you'd want to be with somebody that much older than yourself.

1:06:42 Caller Well, okay.

1:06:44 Caller There's a big story behind everything. But I don't have my parents with me right now. And so I'm living with my grandparents.

1:06:51 Drew Where are your parents?

1:06:53 Caller Okay. My dad, I've never seen him before. I think he used to like beat my mom. So he's like in jail and like did all this other stuff. I never really heard anything about her.

1:07:04 Caller And then my mom, she had a boyfriend.

1:07:07 Caller And I caught trying to give him drugs in jail one time.

1:07:11 Drew So both drug addicts.

1:07:13 Caller She's away. I don't know where she's like in jail.

1:07:15 Caller I don't really want to talk to her.

1:07:17 Caller And the only reason I really, I guess I want to be with this guy is because I have two little sisters and they're away in Washington right now. And I really want like I want custody of them or somehow I want them because I don't want them to grow.

1:07:31 Drew You want custody of your sisters?

1:07:32 Caller Yeah, I want and but I want somehow maybe if I I don't know.

1:07:36 Adam Who are they living with?

1:07:37 Caller They're living with my aunt.

1:07:38 Drew So your plan is to date or marry an older guy and then get custody of the sisters?

1:07:43 Caller Maybe. Somehow I just I want my sisters. And I really like this guy though. My friend's dad and...

1:07:50 Drew Your friend's dad's in A-hole. We can guarantee it.

1:07:53 Adam Oh boy.

1:07:53 Drew Guaranteed.

1:07:54 Adam Hey Melissa.

1:07:55 Susan Pinsky What if it doesn't work out?

1:07:56 Adam I feel like that when I'm with him I feel like he cares like he tells me stuff that like no one's ever told me like I know like hi how are you all right you want to get high there how about some oral sex no I don't say that but may please have some oral sex sir what if it doesn't work out and you live across the street from him and then you have to look at him every day when it didn't work out I don't live near them no more I live like actually hey Melissa yeah listen to me because I'm a genius I'm a self-labeled genius you've been through hell in your life and your compass is spinning around like when they do those devil's triangle movies yeah that's what your compass looks like and I feel sorry for you because your dad's an idiot and your mom's an idiot and everything's a mess but you being attracted to this 33 year old guy not the answer is just a manifestation of all the crap you've been through in your life and I know it feels powerful but it's only based on your horrible dad and your horrible mom and this guy is not a good guy.

1:09:01 Drew He's another horrible dad.

1:09:02 Adam He's another horrible dad and I guarantee it and I guarantee that if you get together with this guy you're gonna get pregnant, he's gonna take off and then you will have your own child who doesn't know his dad just like you don't know your dad. This is what I guarantee is gonna happen.

1:09:21 Drew And your desire to help your sisters although it's noble is really a desire to protect them from the awful feelings that you had when in fact they're in the hands of adults right now. You focus on developing yourself, go to school, get some independence then maybe you can help take care of your sisters but right now you gotta let adults do this.

1:09:37 Adam Read a book, get some therapy and please don't get pregnant. Please don't. Please. When I'm in power, I will target, I will go find the two, her two younger sisters and I'll put a homing beacon and noreplant in them. This is exactly how I'm gonna run this country when I'm in power.

1:09:54 Drew How about just the morning after pill in everybody's cabin?

1:09:56 Adam Now, I will look, I will have like a few different levels. It'll be like, it'll be like code blue, code purple and code red and the people, this will be a code red situation. I will know through my data collection system that her two younger sisters are being raised by her aunt who God knows what kind of shape she's in by the way because she's somebody's sister in that family. These two girls have a 7,000% higher chance of becoming pregnant before they're 20 and costing the state more money and I will put a homing beacon and a north plant on them. And for those of you who think that's cruel, it's for their own good. Hey, everybody, you know when like Betty White comes on TV late night and begs you to get your cat spayed or neutered? Why do you think Betty White does that? Because she hates cats or because she loves them? Do you know what I'm saying? She loves cats, this Betty White. She was on The Golden Girls and your older listeners may remember from Mary Tyler Moore. But the point is, the point is, is think about this, when these so-called animal lovers come on and they run these PSAs and they beg you, get your cat or dog spayed or neutered. Why do they do this? Because they love them, because it's cruel to have a bunch of unwanted kittens running around out there, getting eaten by coyotes and run over by milk trucks. It's cruel to them. Hey, well, quite down over there, Susan. Here's what I'm saying, why can't we apply that logic to human beings? I mean, think about it. Why doesn't the logic apply?

1:11:43 Susan Pinsky I agree.

1:11:44 Drew It applies, comrade.

1:11:45 Susan Pinsky I totally agree. Absolutely.

1:11:48 Adam Really?

1:11:48 Drew Now it's going to break.

1:11:49 Caller Okay. Okay.

1:11:50 Adam Take a break.

1:11:56 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:12:00 Susan Pinsky Loveline will be right back.

1:12:31 Adam Hey, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Drew. Susan, Drew's lovely wife is here tonight, beautiful wife.

1:12:38 Susan Pinsky I'll do my bikini line if you do your ass.

1:12:41 Adam We were talking about hair and how Drew has no hair on his body.

1:12:48 Susan Pinsky Well, he has some.

1:12:49 Adam I look like a Chia pet. But the thing about me is, I don't have hair on my back, which I know is where women hate it the most, although I do have it on my back side, which women are not excited about either. What? Upper crack?

1:13:08 Susan Pinsky Upper crack region?

1:13:10 Adam I have hair on my ass.

1:13:13 Susan Pinsky Dr. Jick would love hair.

1:13:14 Adam And in my ass.

1:13:16 Drew Why is there hair in your crack?

1:13:18 Adam I have hair on my ass, in my ass, and up my ass.

1:13:22 Drew Just put that in a car, please, man.

1:13:25 Adam But I don't have any hair on my back at all. And I know women are repulsed by that. How about your ears?

1:13:32 Susan Pinsky Do you have any in your ears?

1:13:33 Adam I have hair in my ears that I have to pluck out.

1:13:39 Susan Pinsky When you get old and you can't see it anymore, it gets really long.

1:13:43 Adam I don't have a ton of hair on my belly and chest. It's sort of proportional, sort of looks right. It's kind of weird. Nobody has as much hair on their ass and no hair on their back as I do. As a matter of fact, most guys have some hair on their back and very little on their ass.

1:14:02 Susan Pinsky You were lucky.

1:14:03 Adam By the time they get an ass as hairy as mine, their back would be completely covered with hair.

1:14:09 Drew I have an interesting question. Me, particularly, and of course all of our listeners have heard you regale us with stories about your hairy ass. How old were you when that developed?

1:14:18 Adam Hard to tell.

1:14:19 Drew No, seriously.

1:14:20 Susan Pinsky I don't know because I wake up one morning and oh, holy Christ, what happened here?

1:14:27 Susan Pinsky He went to buy underwear.

1:14:29 Adam It wasn't there in high school, I'll tell you that.

1:14:32 Susan Pinsky Really?

1:14:32 Adam And after that, I just kind of lost track of what was going on.

1:14:35 Drew Maybe some reaction to carpet cleaning or something, some sort of chemical.

1:14:38 Adam Could have been the soil bust that we were using.

1:14:40 Drew Or maybe there was some sort of radiation out at Edwards Air Force Base, some radiation exposure.

1:14:45 Adam You're trying to work this in as some sort of new comic book hero?

1:14:50 Drew I sort of had a Gilligan's Island type story going on in my head.

1:14:53 Adam No, I don't know when it hit, but it's hit.

1:14:57 Susan Pinsky And when did you realize?

1:14:58 Drew Did you just wake up one day and you were so depressed it didn't matter?

1:15:02 Adam I had hair in my... What do you want me to do about it, by the way?

1:15:05 Drew Well, no, you talked about it so much, I just realized...

1:15:08 Adam Laser.

1:15:09 Drew It should have been kind of traumatizing to you when you woke up and realized, oh my God, holy God in heaven.

1:15:14 Adam Let me tell you something about the hair in my ass, and I'll be quite candid here.

1:15:21 Drew It's interesting to have a third person in the room looking at it, what the hell is this guy talking about?

1:15:25 Adam Even though most women are repulsed by the notion of hair on the ass, practically never had a problem with it. No woman has ever had a beef with the hair on the ass.

1:15:36 Drew Women and their ability to tolerate the impossible.

1:15:39 Adam It's kind of, it's nice, it's the best hair on me. I mean, it feels better in any hair.

1:15:46 Drew So it's kind of like a cat or something.

1:15:48 Adam Yeah, yeah, it's nice. It's not all brillowy and stuff like the rest of my hair. You know, it's not, it's not.

1:15:53 Susan Pinsky That's lovely.

1:15:54 Adam It's not all wiry and stuff.

1:15:57 Drew Did anybody ever want to comb it or braid it or anything?

1:15:59 Adam I braided my ass shut once. I couldn't take a crap for a week. I had a, they called it, it's a, it's a cornrow. It was a little variation on the.

1:16:10 Drew You're sure they were talking about.

1:16:12 Adam I think, actually, they called it the cornhole. That's right. It was not a cornhole.

1:16:16 Caller Oh, Lord.

1:16:18 Adam But Drew had an interesting point during the commercial, which was, women are so repulsed by guys with hair on their back that those guys aren't getting laid as much, therefore, doing less reproducing and eventually will breed the hairy-backed guys right out of existence.

1:16:37 Drew I think it's why hair has sort of come off the human species. It's because the female won't reproduce with the hairier males.

1:16:43 Adam Interesting. Yeah. Very solid. I want to draw a few interesting thoughts of the year. Tony. Of the century.

1:16:53 Drew Tony.

1:16:54 Adam Of the Millennium. You're 28. What's up?

1:16:58 Caller Well, I just have to say, you guys are really entertaining.

1:17:01 Adam Thanks.

1:17:01 Caller I was on my way home from the beach and I was thinking, I'd never have a reason to call you guys. But then I thought of something and I thought, you know what, I better ask about this. All right. Because it's kind of becoming a problem. Okay. I've been with the same guy for about a year and a half, and he's actually sleeping in the other room right now, so I'm trying to keep my voice down. He, for some reason, ever since we've been together, he doesn't like me to touch or fondle his penis. Even when we're getting, starting to get into the act, you know, it's really weird. And when I said, what is the deal with that, he says, well, I figure the more I keep you away from it, the more you're going to want it.

1:17:47 Drew Oh, that's BS. That's ridiculous.

1:17:49 Caller And it's just so strange. And it kind of gets into, I was listening to earlier when you were saying that, you know, when a girl doesn't want you to go down on her, then you kind of just come back up and say, fine, whatever, you know, better for me. Well, he's that, he does not like blow jobs.

1:18:05 Adam He doesn't?

1:18:06 Caller He doesn't like blow jobs.

1:18:08 Adam Adam, calm down, boy.

1:18:09 Caller I mean, I have been with very many guys.

1:18:11 Adam Hold on. Yeah, I was going to say, see, I was going to say, I don't really much like the fondling or the diddling of the junk myself because my hand gets jealous.

1:18:22 Susan Pinsky The what?

1:18:23 Adam The junk, but that's only because I've discovered the blow job.

1:18:27 Caller Yeah.

1:18:28 Adam And, you know, once you go that way, it's hard to go back, you know? I mean, everything else is a distant second. But if he doesn't like the BJ either, that's...

1:18:40 Caller That dog is a gay homosexual.

1:18:43 Drew He has said, I don't like it. I don't like this.

1:18:45 Caller He just says, he says, you know, why would I... Why would we mess around with that when we can just do it?

1:18:51 Drew He just likes the interference.

1:18:52 Caller And then he made a comment. This is really weird. And I thought maybe there was... Maybe Drew had some insight to this or maybe you do too. He made a comment to me that that's something like a $10 hooker would do, not something that I would do for him.

1:19:04 Drew Yeah, that's revealing.

1:19:05 Adam Oh, yeah, that means something. See, I will never, ever embarrass my ladies or humiliate them with that $10 hooker nonsense. I go $30 hooker every time. You know what I'm saying? Make them feel good about themselves.

1:19:20 Drew Yeah, that's revealing. Well, he has funny feelings about that act, obviously. He also probably idealizes you in ways that are sort of unrealistic.

1:19:29 Adam How old is he?

1:19:30 Caller He's 32, and I mean, he is like... We have a very, if there is a normal relationship, very normal and very good sex life.

1:19:41 Adam It sounds, except for the part about him not wanting you to touch him.

1:19:45 Caller He's beautiful when he's naked. I'm like totally turned on and I can't...

1:19:49 Adam Okay, hey listen, he doesn't have hair on his ass?

1:19:53 Drew Like she said, she's turned on.

1:19:55 Caller He is very hairy. He's like gorgeous, he's like a Calvin Klein model. He's beautiful, but he shaves the hair on his back. And I do it for him sometimes in the shower.

1:20:06 Adam Wow, see that? See what guys are stupid to do?

1:20:09 Caller I'll shave his hair on his back, but I can't get bloodshot.

1:20:14 Adam Sounds like a deal to me though, actually. Hey, but listen.

1:20:17 Drew It's just one of these preference things, I think.

1:20:19 Adam No, no, no, no, no. That's something the $10 hooker would do.

1:20:21 Drew Yeah, that was that.

1:20:22 Adam How does he get along with his mom?

1:20:24 Caller Loved his mom. He has a bad relationship with his dad.

1:20:27 Adam Oh, interesting.

1:20:28 Caller His dad has, I hope nobody is listening, but his dad is, for a long time, has cheated on his mom and it's been well known.

1:20:37 Adam Does he?

1:20:38 Susan Pinsky Probably with $10 hookers.

1:20:42 Adam Does he obsess with you on like who you've been with before him or what we, you know, does he seem jealous about your past or anything like that?

1:20:52 Caller I've only had, I've only with three guys, and all of them have been five and a half year relationship type thing.

1:21:01 Adam All right. But still does it, I know you don't have much history, but does he talk about it or care about it anyway?

1:21:09 Caller Never. And he doesn't mind performing oral sex on me at all.

1:21:13 Drew Here's what I bet. Wait, let me leave it at that. Here's what I bet. Wait, I want to hear reactions. That he probably witnessed some real battles between him, his mom, and his dad. And I bet the kinds of words that were exchanged were, you and your, you know, your hookers and your this and this is probably what they're doing to you. Something on that order. And in his mind, I'll never be like that. I'll never treat a woman like that. I'll never be involved with a woman in that way. Maybe six, seven years old, hearing this stuff, it can be converted to, okay, that's not for me. I'm a good person. That's a bad people do that.

1:21:45 Adam Listen, he doesn't want oral sex. I don't trust that.

1:21:47 Susan Pinsky Consider yourself lucky, honey.

1:21:48 Adam I do not trust that incident.

1:21:50 Drew Yeah, really. It's the same reaction you had when, what was it we call it, saying that his girlfriend wouldn't let him give her oral sex.

1:21:57 Adam Yeah, I know. I know. But this means, this could mean tumor. This means brain tumor. I would get him a CAT scan immediately. There's a handful of guys out there who don't like having oral sex performed on them and I never want to talk to those guys. Jill, you're 32.

1:22:17 Caller I am. I can't believe I'm talking to you guys. I love you.

1:22:22 Adam Thanks.

1:22:22 Caller Primarily, I called tonight to wish Susan a happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you for all the sacrifices that you make for the goodness, for the good of everybody, for what, Dr. Drew and Adam.

1:22:36 Adam Yeah.

1:22:37 Susan Pinsky You're welcome.

1:22:37 Caller What you guys do because I-

1:22:38 Adam Let me tell you. Thank you for saying it. It's hell roaming around that palatial palace, watching satellite TV in a pair of-

1:22:46 Susan Pinsky I've only been there six months. He's been on the radio 15 years.

1:22:51 Adam A pair of Angora slippers, eating bonbons.

1:22:54 Susan Pinsky I appreciate the compliment and I appreciate your thanks.

1:22:57 Adam And entertaining the pool man.

1:22:58 Caller You have a great laugh too. Thank you. So anyway-

1:23:02 Susan Pinsky A hell of a sense of humor.

1:23:04 Adam Yeah.

1:23:04 Susan Pinsky Look who I'm sitting next to. Well, yeah.

1:23:07 Caller Did that help?

1:23:08 Susan Pinsky Drew.

1:23:09 Adam She does have an intoxicating laugh. She does. But much like booze, it has its limits. Eventually, you throw up.

1:23:18 Susan Pinsky Oh, thanks, honey.

1:23:19 Adam I'm saying you get too much. That's all.

1:23:21 Susan Pinsky Yeah. Well, make sure you get your upgrade.

1:23:23 Caller Right.

1:23:25 Adam Uh-oh. A little travel jab there. All right, Jill.

1:23:30 Susan Pinsky It's inside.

1:23:31 Adam She's a wonderful woman and I bet you'd love to switch places with her for just one night, wouldn't you?

1:23:37 Caller I don't know about switching places, but I would really love to meet her.

1:23:40 Adam Okay. No, no, I don't mean, I mean, I mean to be with Drew, the hairless Drew.

1:23:45 Caller No, I got, you know what? I have a hairless man and it is fabulous.

1:23:48 Adam All right.

1:23:49 Susan Pinsky But what's he doing?

1:23:51 Susan Pinsky A hairless chihuahua?

1:23:54 Caller No, it's in a really good way.

1:23:56 Susan Pinsky Hold on.

1:23:56 Adam Jill, let's compare your man to the doctor for just one second because this is going to get sad. What does he do? Work at some sort of electronic supply depot or something?

1:24:07 Caller Hardly.

1:24:07 Susan Pinsky He's a painter.

1:24:08 Adam Oh, please. He paints.

1:24:11 Susan Pinsky Some painters are very sexy.

1:24:12 Adam What kind of painting? What kind of paintings he do?

1:24:15 Caller Not houses.

1:24:16 Adam What? Apartments?

1:24:18 Caller No. He's a realist painter.

1:24:21 Adam He's a realist painter? He paints portraits?

1:24:25 Caller Paints his own things.

1:24:28 Adam Yeah. Let me translate that. He's sitting in Magic Mountain under umbrella and he's saying to a kid, Hey, I bet you love snowboarding, don't you? He's like, Actually, I'd never been snowboarding. Yeah, you love snowboarding, don't you? Then he hands him a picture of the kid on a snowboard.

1:24:42 Caller Adam, you're cruel.

1:24:46 Adam That's not nice.

1:24:48 Caller I don't believe that.

1:24:48 Adam My family was so goddamn cheap. I was talking to someone the other day about, you know when you go to the Magic Mountain or you go, yeah, the spin art. I was talking to someone about spin art and it wasn't you. Was it you, Drew? I was talking about spin art and now I will include the portrait thing into the family outings to the arcade or the promenade or wherever the hell this, you know, the fair, the street fair, wherever this stuff was going on. The notion that you spend like $2 on spin art or maybe $4 or $5 on one of these caricature drawings, wouldn't even bring it up. I mean, I'm outraged. Well, this is 1973. No way. No way. I think I get a little Dr. Drew on a skateboard or something.

1:25:37 Susan Pinsky You deprive children.

1:25:39 Adam But our family was, I mean, your family had money but they were cheap, which is even, that's the shiv right there. I mean, my family is like, all right, so you're pathetic, but your family had money. But I don't even remember even discussing it or talking about it or anything.

1:25:53 Susan Pinsky I remember seeing pictures of them up on the wall at our house.

1:25:55 Adam Wouldn't it be cool to see a picture from you from 1971 on a skateboard?

1:26:01 Susan Pinsky You wouldn't see me doing that, though. Oh, yeah.

1:26:03 Adam But the deal with that was-

1:26:05 Drew It was three bucks.

1:26:06 Adam Whatever, yeah, this is the equivalent basically was throwing the softball at the milk bottles, that was 50 cents and the spin art was 225 out of the question. No possible, I mean, that was paper money. The other stuff was like 50 cents, 75 cents, whatever. This was $2. Forget about it. And the caricature stuff, now you're getting into $6. I mean, it's like, okay, listen, this is Christmas. How badly do you want it? Jesus, we're our parents pathetic.

1:26:39 Drew Break, break, break.

1:26:40 Adam Well, hold on a second.

1:26:41 Drew Oh, Jill, Jill. Yeah. Adam's done abusing you. Thanks for your call.

1:26:44 Adam Now, what kind of artist- Does he make any money with these so-called paintings of his?

1:26:49 Caller He does. He does. Lots of it. I don't work. I haven't worked for five years.

1:26:53 Drew See?

1:26:53 Caller See?

1:26:54 Drew The real artist. At least.

1:26:55 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew. Yeah. Do you guys need volunteers or how is drdrew.com working?

1:27:02 Drew It's working great. We're trying to build a community where people have purposeful jobs and things like that on the site. I'll tell you what you do. Email drtim at drdrew.com. Okay, cool. And or let me think who else might be directing you to. You can email Sarah. Sarah also. Sarah, S-A-R-A. Sarah Buff is her, I think, her.

1:27:21 Caller Because I go to the equator a lot.

1:27:23 Drew Oh, no kidding. We're actually going to take over the equator and turn it into like a computer sort of showcase. And let us know. Please log on. And it's an interesting place. Book market, log on.

1:27:35 Adam Is that the place where the sun is closest to the earth No, it's a coffee house.

1:27:39 Drew It's a coffee house. We're going to turn that into sort of a showcase for the site.

1:27:43 Adam All right. We're going to take a little break. The lovely and allegedly talented Susan is here. She's Drew's beautiful, beautiful wife. She's celebrating 30th birthday. And Drew's other wife is celebrating her 19th birthday. So there's much to celebrate tonight. We'll be back after this.

1:28:11 Drew Loveline will be right back.

1:28:37 Susan Pinsky Yeah, just hold out.

1:28:39 Adam Just take the money. That's what Drew said, but no, I fought for him. Thank you. Dr. Drew's over here.

1:28:47 Drew Oh, no.

1:28:48 Adam Beautiful wife. The lightning round.

1:28:52 Drew The end of the year?

1:28:53 Susan Pinsky What does that mean?

1:28:54 Adam Could be the last lightning round of the millennium.

1:28:58 Susan Pinsky What does that mean?

1:28:59 Adam I know it'll be the last lightning round of the millennium. Where is my cowbell?

1:29:05 Susan Pinsky God damn it.

1:29:06 Adam Who took my cowbell?

1:29:07 Susan Pinsky It's on your cow.

1:29:08 Adam All right. Well, there it is.

1:29:09 Susan Pinsky But I had one.

1:29:11 Adam Oh, here it is. All right. You're right. We haven't done this in a long time. Let's take this over though. Let's start this up. Do some of that lead-in music, that bumper music. Okay, here we go. Hey, there, hi, there, ho, there. I'm your host, Ace Rockolla. This is Loveline. That's my partner, Dr. Drew, and his beautiful wife, Susan. And let me tell you something, she is hot, hot, hot. Welcome to Lighting Around. This is the part of the show we burn through some calls and we tell you how it is and what it's gonna be for the Millennium now. Well, Loveline, what's the time, by the way? Oh my gosh, it's 11.49, which means it's 11 minutes away from 12 o'clock straight up. This is the Lightning Round. This is Loveline. I'm Ace Rockolla. Let's go back to the phones. Speaking to Lisa. Lisa?

1:30:11 Caller Yes?

1:30:11 Adam You're 18?

1:30:13 Caller Yes.

1:30:13 Adam Let me tell you something about Susan. She is hot, hot, hot.

1:30:19 Susan Pinsky Thank you.

1:30:20 Adam What's wrong there, Lisa? I'm gonna read off the screen for you. Has had reoccurring dreams about her uncle. What does this mean? I'll tell you what it means. But first, let's give a quick check of the time. It's 1149 and 31 seconds. That means it's 10 minutes and 29 seconds away from the top of the hour. You're right in the middle of the lightning round with Loveline. Susan is our guest tonight and she is hot, hot, hot.

1:30:47 Drew Go ahead, Dr. Drew. What's happening in the dreams? What's happening with your uncle?

1:30:52 Caller I've had a couple dreams reoccurring about him. I've been holding his hand and I guess I've been really short holding his hand because I remember my hand being really high above my head. Anyways, I'd walk through the hallway and I'd be walking into his room and that would be about it.

1:31:10 Adam How old's your uncle, Lisa?

1:31:14 Caller How old is he now?

1:31:15 Adam No, how old was he in 1974? And then I'll do the math, okay? You're right in the middle of the Loveline lightning round and let's give a quick check of the time. Hold on, I got to get the time out. It's very important. It's 11.50 in 27 seconds. That's nine minutes and 33 seconds away from 12 o'clock straight up. Our guest tonight is Drew's lovely bride, Susan. She is hot, hot, hot. How old's your uncle, Lisa?

1:31:41 Caller 24.

1:31:42 Adam 24 years old. You ever had anything with him?

1:31:46 Caller No.

1:31:46 Adam All right, then this is just a dream. It doesn't mean anything. You're 18 years old. I'm sure you're hot, hot, hot. And don't worry about it. Move on with your life. Jennifer, you're 17 years old. You're right in the middle of the lightning round. It is 10, 57 straight up. Pardon me. 10, 50 and 57 seconds. That, oh man, I'm all screwed up. Oh really? I gotta get back on my medication. Doctor? Doctor, give me the news. I got a bad case of love and use. Jennifer. Why is this funny? You're 17 years old. This is your fault. You're right in the middle of the lightning round on Loveline. Susan's our guest tonight. She is hot, hot, hot. It is 11, 51 in 24 seconds. That is eight minutes and 30, six seconds away from the top of the hour.

1:32:35 Susan Pinsky 12 o'clock straight up.

1:32:37 Adam Asshole. Jennifer, what's going on? You're 17 years old. Your boyfriend likes the finger in his butt. Am I right? He likes the stink finger?

1:32:45 Caller Right.

1:32:46 Adam Yeah.

1:32:46 Susan Pinsky Stink finger.

1:32:48 Caller Adam, can I ask you a question really fast?

1:32:50 Adam Ace Rockolla, if you please, and let me just give the time out. It is 11, 52. That is eight minutes away from the top of the hour. Yeah. What's on your mind, listener?

1:33:00 Caller Well, just really quickly.

1:33:01 Caller What are you on?

1:33:04 Adam I'm high on life, and at least I don't have my finger. My boyfriend's in it. But it's what he enjoys. Does it make him gay? No. Does it help? Yes. We're moving on. We're going to Brian.

1:33:18 Caller Brian is 14 years old.

1:33:20 Drew You haven't heard me talking.

1:33:22 Adam Yeah.

1:33:22 Caller I just want to say, this is the best show on the radio.

1:33:26 Adam Thank you, Brian, Brian.

1:33:29 Drew Even when you're not smoking pot, you think so?

1:33:30 Caller And Drew, you're the smartest man alive.

1:33:32 Adam He certainly is.

1:33:34 Susan Pinsky He is. It's scary.

1:33:35 Adam And speaking of smart, his lovely bride is our guest tonight.

1:33:39 Susan Pinsky And I'm hot, hot, hot.

1:33:40 Adam Beautiful. Susan, she's 40 years young, and she is hot, hot, hot. It's 1152 and 44 seconds. That's seven minutes.

1:33:51 Susan Pinsky I love the radio.

1:33:52 Adam And 16 seconds away from the top of the hour. And let's hop right back to the phones where we're speaking to young Karen. Karen is 19 years old. She's on Line 4 West of the Rockies. What's going on, Karen?

1:34:05 Caller Hi, it's Corinne, actually.

1:34:07 Adam Corinne? Yeah. My bad. Let me give the time out real quick. It's 1153 and 9 seconds. That's 6 minutes and 51 seconds away from the top of the hour. Go ahead, Corinne.

1:34:19 Caller At the beginning of the year, I came down with a really bad case of strep throat. I went to a doctor. He asked me a lot of specific questions about my drinking habits. I would say that I'm an excessive drinker. Towards about the end of November, I came down again with a really bad cold, and it turned into bronchitis. And I went to another doctor.

1:34:41 Adam Hey Karen, let me tell you something about me. I don't drink, I don't cuss, and I don't smoke. God damn it, I left my cigarettes at the bar. Let me give the timeout real fast here, hon. Just get some business here. It's 1153 and 53 seconds. That is six minutes and seven seconds away from the top of the hour, 12 o'clock straight up. You're listening to the Loveline. I'm Ace Rockolla. That's my partner in the love, Dr. Dr. Drew and his beautiful wife, Susan, and she is hot, hot, hot. All right, Corinne, you went to the doctor.

1:35:12 Caller Yeah, she again asked me very specific questions about my drinking habit. And I'm just wondering, can you see my drinking causing me to get sick?

1:35:19 Drew Absolutely. Your immune system is not... It's almost like having AIDS sometimes. When the alcoholism is severe, the immune system does not work right. We got to go to break.

1:35:28 Adam Let me tell you something about our guest before we leave. She is hot, hot, hot, and this Corinne, she is drunk, drunk, drunk. We're going to take a little break, but don't you go anywhere, my little radio kiddies. Who's drunk, drunk, drunk? Corinne is.

1:35:38 Susan Pinsky Oh, okay, good.

1:35:39 Adam We'll be right back after we take a quick time out.

1:35:45 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:35:49 Susan Pinsky We'll be right back.

1:36:26 Adam This is the old Susan that I missed. One that doesn't make sense.

1:36:30 Susan Pinsky I just have an eye for television.

1:36:33 Adam I know you claim to because your favorite shows are the Stephen Jay Canell abortions. Jesus. Her biggest influence in TV is the biggest hack of all time, Stephen Jay Canell who-

1:36:47 Susan Pinsky I like La Femme Nikita. Sorry.

1:36:50 Adam Well, that's not Stephen Jay Canell.

1:36:51 Drew Still talking.

1:36:52 Adam You like all that other junk that he's a renegade, he's roaming the badlands.

1:36:58 Susan Pinsky No, I don't like those. Those aren't my style.

1:37:00 Adam He was accused.

1:37:02 Susan Pinsky I like the X-Files.

1:37:03 Adam He was framed and here's a twist. For a crime, guess what? Didn't commit.

1:37:08 Susan Pinsky I like Market Watch.

1:37:09 Adam All right.

1:37:11 Drew Happy New Year everybody.

1:37:11 Adam Happy New Year. Thank you all for listening. Keep yourself in one piece and we'll talk to you when we come back this Sunday, right?

1:37:19 Drew Yeah.

1:37:20 Adam So until next time, this Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:37:23 Drew He wants to groom this child for his abuse farm.

1:37:28 Adam Well now.

Episode Feedback

Thursday, December 30, 1999