Episode 1000754887519

0:55 Get It On. This one is a lost tape from 2018. It's a new source for a long lost episode. It's been missing for over 18 years. Who knows what happens on this? Let's all listen together and find out. It might be the best episode ever recorded. If you like to support my efforts in finding these lost episodes and sharing them with you in the best possible quality and the most complete way possible, PayPal, Patreon, Amazon, however you want to support the work, it's all available via my website, SuperfanGiovanni or superfangio.com, however you want to get there. Mahalo and Get It On.

1:32 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:43 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:45 Voiceover Loveline.

1:47 Adam Yep, it's Loveline. Phone number, 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Fax number, 310-8-5-4-44-55. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Drew.

2:02 Drew Adam.

2:03 Adam I have a new invention.

2:05 Drew The... Let me think. It has to do with Taboo 2, the themes? No.

2:12 Adam I'm all...

2:13 Drew You're done.

2:13 Adam I'm done with that.

2:14 Drew You've had your way.

2:15 Adam I wash my hands with that. This one's called the Car Seat Gutter. Have I brought this up before?

2:23 Drew No, but I think this is genius.

2:25 Adam I really wish... You know, here's the job that I want. I want to go to every company and tell them how to do whatever it is they were doing better.

2:34 Drew Every company.

2:35 Adam Every company.

2:36 Drew Well, for every car they use, yeah.

2:37 Adam Car companies, airlines, waste disposal.

2:41 Drew Certainly, advertising.

2:43 Adam Advertising. I could have spoken to the WB people about the dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba WB. Years before it hit the air, I can nip things in the bud.

2:55 Drew I saw people out of pain and embarrassment.

2:57 Adam Here is my, here's how this works, this revolutionary idea called the car seat gutter. I have a nice car. It's a BMW. It's an M3. It's a nice sports car. And it's a great car. I mean, a car's got a ton of performance. The only thing that's rough about the car is because it's a sports car, there's not a whole lot of room. You know, they don't have like big troughs in the center to dump sunglasses and cell phones and wallets and CDs and things like that. I understand that. I mean, that's the way it goes. You want a sports car, you don't get 40 cubic feet of storage. I understand that and cup holders and things like that. But the way the seats are is they're high because it's a sports car. I mean, they're high on the sides. They have good lateral support. They're very high on the sides, but they come down to nothing in the middle.

3:57 Drew In the back.

3:57 Adam So you can fold the seat down. So at the crease of the seat where the tread meets the riser, we'll call it, where the ass meets the back part, it's nothing. Inevitably, I toss my cell phone onto the passenger seat, I toss my sunglasses onto the passenger seat.

4:17 Drew Down they go.

4:18 Adam I toss the CD, I toss the audio cassette, whatever it is, I toss onto that, ends up in the nether regions of the underside of the seat within moments. Even if I don't drive the car, I can actually tape my cell phone to the middle of the seat, shut the door and lock it, come out an hour later, it is stuffed under the seat.

4:41 Drew Do you have an awful side area too? Humans can't get to it now.

4:47 Adam Cannot get there.

4:47 Drew You need those little robotic devices to send down there with a camera.

4:51 Adam What they used to discover the Titanic is what I need to get my goddamn cell phone out from under the seat. Under the seat, and the thing is, I'm very rangy. I have long arms. I'm like an octopus. I mean, I'm telling you, I could change a brake light in my car from the passenger seat. I really could. While I'm driving, I can go out and check the oil with just ramping my arm around the hood from inside of the car. But there's a place or two that reaching under the back part of the seat, of the passenger seat, I cannot get to.

5:24 Drew That's where your phone and your glasses are.

5:26 Adam That's where they hide. And if you try to go frontside, forget it. you can't get it because there's like a little bar and some motor or something in there.

5:34 Drew It'll eat your hand.

5:35 Adam Right. It's kind of blocked off. You can go about four or six inches in from the front side, and then backside, you can go about 16 inches in, but it's the 18th inch where this stuff resides. I want the car seat gutter. Chapstick, cassettes, phones, wallets, CDs, anything that ends up on the passenger seat goes right into a gutter and like spills into some sort of vacuum. No, just a catch, just a kitty. You know where it is. I mean, even if it's in the trunk of the car, you know where it is. I jumped in my car tonight. I was running late and as you know, there's 700 steps to get from where my car is parked to where my house is. And I'm running late. I'm hustling down the stairs. I turn the alarm on. I lock the gate, shut the lights, do the whole thing. Get in the car, start the car up. Where's the cell phone? Look on the passenger seat. It's not there. I got to make a call on the way in to work. Then I think, all right, it must be under the seat. Now naturally, the carpeting is black, and so is the cell phone. And now these cell phones are, you know, they make them so that felons can smuggle them in and out of prison recklessly. That's how small they are. So I'm reaching under the seat, feeling around, feeling around, and I've covered 95% of the territory under the seat. Now I go frontside, not in the car, must have brought it upstairs, put on the charger, shut the car down, hustle up, get through the gate, up the stairs, undo the alarm.

7:11 Drew Let me emphasize, it's about a 3,000 vertical client, 3,000 feet from your car to your house.

7:17 Adam I have an oxygen tank at one of the first plateaus.

7:20 Drew Well, there's a chairlift that operates too.

7:22 Adam It was down. During bad weather, some nights I can't make the summit. I'll actually just bivouac on one of the plateaus until day breaks. If the weather permitting, I can get back up to the house. I swear to God I'll throw this mic through that glass, Anderson. Go up to the house. It ain't there. And then I realize it's in the Devil's Triangle underneath the car seat. Run back down. Now, I got to get out. I got to go from the passenger side now, down on the knees, out on the pavement with the arm left-hand now, combing like some old guy on the beach with one of those metal detectors. You know, ah, there it is. And I'll throw that thing on the car seat, and I'll get halfway down my hill, and pow, it's underneath that thing again. I don't know if it burrows through the seat, and goes through the bottom of it, or it falls out and goes aside. The other good maneuver is when all the crap slides off, and then you open the passenger door, and a whole bunch of just, you know, change and cell phones and CDs or whatever falls out. The car seat gutter.

8:28 Drew Remember, I borrowed your car for a day. God bless you while my windows tended. And remember, I had to go back again a couple days later to hunt?

8:36 Adam Yeah.

8:37 Drew And I just realized, an interesting coincidence, I've been missing one of my kids since that weekend that I borrowed your car.

8:41 Adam He's under the seat. I felt something nibble at my hand when I went for my cell phone. I didn't have time to investigate.

8:49 Drew I'm going out there right now.

8:52 Adam Okay, that was Drew's kid. If it's on top of the seat, it is under the seat. I think if the tire turns one complete revolution, it is under the seat. That's how it works.

9:06 Drew I'm serious. Remember, I had to go look through your car for stuff.

9:08 Adam Yes. I understand that the car seat gutter may not be a practical selling point for many car manufacturers. But don't design it the opposite. Don't make it anti. You know what I mean? Do something.

9:25 Drew Pay attention.

9:26 Adam Hey, you know what I think I'm going to do?

9:28 Drew It's ergonomics again.

9:30 Adam You know what would be a good plan? Just take a whole bunch of... Okay, here's my plan. This is my new plan. This is what I'm doing now.

9:37 Drew A bunch of cell phones and throw them in the car. 500 cell phones.

9:40 Adam No, that's good. I am going to take some foam rubber, some serious foam rubber, you know, four inches, five inches thick, like something you'd use for upholstery. And I'm going to cut a square that's five inches thick, five, six inches thick, 16 inches wide and 20 inches long. And I'm going to stuff it under that car seat. Therefore, anything that falls back there is going to have to end up where your feet would be if you're in the back seat. I can easily reach back and grab it. Never again. Well, I mean, I don't know what's under there. There's doubloons are under there. There's Jimmy Hoffa is under there right now.

10:16 Drew I was thinking about something weird also tonight.

10:17 Adam The car seat gutter drove. Come on.

10:19 Drew I'm delighted. Thank you. For some people listening to East Mississippi, this will be the last show before the millennium tonight.

10:28 Adam Yeah. Oh, and the man show.

10:31 Drew Oh, God.

10:32 Adam Not for the people of East Mississippi, but more importantly, Comedy Central tonight, 10.30.

10:38 Drew But I want to wish everybody a happy New Year and Millennium, a safe passing of the millennium.

10:43 Adam Right.

10:44 Drew And we'll see that again tomorrow.

10:47 Adam Michaela?

10:48 Yeah.

10:49 Adam Drew, why is the screen like that? There we go. 17. What's up?

10:53 Hi. I rimmed my parents. Good night.

10:57 Oh, my God.

10:59 That was my parents.

11:01 Adam That was your mom?

11:01 Yeah.

11:02 Adam Oh, man. So a little Loveline reenactment here for a second. Yeah, Michaela, I'm 17. Anyway, I was giving my boyfriend a rim jump.

11:11 Good night, honey.

11:12 Adam Night, mom. Night, Mary Beth. Night, John Boy. Okay. Anyway, I just got done blowing him, so I'm going in for the rimmer. Hold on. Grandma. Night. Oh, she's with Father Macalerny. Good night, father.

11:32 Anyways.

11:33 Adam All right. So your mom came in to say good night in the middle of your rim job story. Oh, my God. Never, ever having kids.

11:42 So my boyfriend asked me to do this, right? And I did it for him, and that's all he wants now. He won't even- Oh, my God.

11:48 Adam That's all he wants as a rim job?

11:51 Yes.

11:52 Adam That's where you put your tongue on his rectum?

11:55 Yeah.

11:56 Adam And that's all he wants?

11:57 Yes.

11:58 Drew Oh, my God.

11:59 Adam And how are you with that?

12:02 I'm pretty annoyed with it. The first two times, okay, I was a little weirded out, but I was like, okay, I can do this.

12:09 Adam Boy, baby, you're up tight. You should loosen up a little. All right. And let me ask, because I not only have never given a rim job, I've never received one outside of the service. And I really am not interested in that aspect of sex, but what position do you have to get in in order to do that?

12:35 Kind of a doggy style position, sort of. Like you're just behind him and you just do that.

12:40 Right, right.

12:42 Adam Yeah, because, yeah, well, I guess if you're, yeah, it doesn't really matter where your nose is if your tongue is occupying that space. Right, I see. So you sneak up behind him.

12:52 Well, I make him shower and stuff too.

12:54 Adam Right, sure. And I used a bottle brush. You know that loofah with a stick on it? What do you think that's for? And how long do you perform this for?

13:05 Until he comes.

13:06 Adam And how does he do that? Does he manipulate himself?

13:09 Sometimes, like.

13:12 Adam And other times?

13:13 Other times he'll just go, like he'll come without it, like doing anything to himself. I don't know why.

13:19 Adam In a doggie position?

13:21 Yeah.

13:22 Adam Wow. Could you imagine hands-

13:27 Drew I don't know how to ring out the millennium here.

13:29 Adam Hands free, you know, on your hands and knees, getting the rim job and have something come out of you. That is enjoyment. And what about oral sex? Does he enjoy that?

13:44 Well, he used to.

13:46 Adam How old is he?

13:47 He's 23.

13:49 Adam And you're 17?

13:50 Caller Yeah.

13:51 Adam Oh, yes. That is perfect. And what's wrong with him?

13:56 Caller Nothing before this. I have-

13:57 Drew Well, no, hang on.

13:59 Adam Wow.

13:59 Drew He's a little old for a 17-year-old, don't you think?

14:03 Caller I guess so.

14:04 Adam You're a senior in high school?

14:05 Caller Yeah.

14:06 Drew He's a third-year medical school?

14:10 Adam He does what? Construction?

14:12 Caller No, actually.

14:14 Adam What? Fast food?

14:16 Caller He's a bartender, actually.

14:18 Adam Beautiful. Where'd you two lovebirds meet?

14:23 Caller At the bar.

14:25 Adam At the bar.

14:25 Drew What were you doing hanging out at the bar?

14:28 Caller One of my older friends took me there, and we were just hanging out, and I met him, and then he asked me out, and I went out with him.

14:34 Adam All right. So he knows you're 17?

14:36 Caller Yeah.

14:37 Adam You're living at home? Yeah. He comes and picks you up, does he have a place?

14:42 Caller Oh, yeah, yeah.

14:44 Adam Okay.

14:44 Drew All right.

14:45 Adam You don't want to do this though, right? This rim job?

14:47 Caller I want it to be the way it was before.

14:49 Drew Have you told him that?

14:51 Caller Well, I started to, and then it just drifts out of the conversation.

14:56 Adam How about we give him a call and we'll talk to him? Yeah. I like the way he changes the subject when you get on the rim job.

15:08 Caller Yeah.

15:08 Adam Hey, what's his name?

15:10 Caller Steve.

15:11 Adam Steve?

15:12 Caller Yeah.

15:12 Drew Sure he's not in construction?

15:14 Caller Yeah, I'm fine.

15:15 Adam Okay.

15:15 Drew He must have done drywall one time.

15:16 Adam So it's like, I'd like to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. Steve, about the rim jobs, listen, I just don't feel comfortable. Hey, what's that over there? Anyway. How do you like them ramps this year? What's that?

15:32 Caller It did go that way.

15:33 Adam Yeah. All right. Listen, we don't trust this guy and I don't like him. And he's 23 and he's dating a senior in high school and he's a bartender. He's an idiot, isn't he?

15:45 Caller He's actually pretty smart. I just, I don't know. He was totally normal, totally normal. All right.

15:50 Adam And how long has it been that you've gone out with him?

15:52 Caller About five months.

15:53 Adam Okay. Were you 16 when you met him?

15:56 Caller No.

15:57 Adam Huh?

15:57 Caller No. I was 17 then too.

15:59 Adam All right. All right. All right. Break up. I don't trust him.

16:03 Caller Okay.

16:05 Adam I just tell him you don't want to do that anymore and you're not going to do it. And if he can't handle it, fine. Okay.

16:10 Caller Can I just do a real quick shout out though?

16:12 Adam No.

16:12 Drew Oh, come on.

16:14 Adam Please. Quick shout out. The rim job. What name is that?

16:20 Drew Adrian?

16:21 Yes.

16:21 That's right.

16:22 Adam Adrian, you're 25. What's up?

16:24 Caller Yes.

16:25 Well, this is mainly for Adam. I have somewhat of an obsession with porno movies and masturbation.

16:33 Adam Oh, yes, he does. I love that song.

16:37 Drew Oh my God.

16:38 Yeah. I was just wondering, I don't know why it's just so deep. I mean, I've been doing it as long as I can remember.

16:48 Adam Well, how does this manifest itself, this obsession with pornography?

16:53 Well, it's kind of always been there. I mean, I'm a big fantasizer. I can see things or hear voices like a radio host's voices and find something out of that.

17:06 Adam You ever find anything in this show?

17:08 Oh, yes.

17:09 Adam You do?

17:10 Definitely. Both of you guys have the sexiest voices.

17:13 Adam Really?

17:14 Yes.

17:14 Adam Nice.

17:16 Yes.

17:16 Adam My balls look like the chin of an old Chinaman. Is that kind of naughty talk during the odd?

17:25 Yes, it does. But I mean, I like it to be sexy too.

17:29 Adam I see. Do you know what we look like?

17:33 Yes, I do. You are both very handsome. Because I like all different types of men. Not that I'm not sexually active now and it's been almost a year.

17:41 Adam Almost a year.

17:42 Yeah. I like to wait for it until I know that it's going to be good. Which it can't be.

17:48 Drew You mean the relationship is going to be good?

17:49 Well, I'm not really interested in a relationship just because I don't seem to be attracted to the type of man that I could have a long-term relationship with, which is what I would like.

18:00 Adam Why aren't you attracted to that man?

18:04 Just because men have somewhat of a lack of sensitivity. I seem to have not necessarily an anger towards men, but I can understand that there is a definite difference between men and women, and that lack of sensitivity just throws me off.

18:19 Drew Yes what?

18:20 Excuse me?

18:20 Drew Yes.

18:22 Yes. I didn't hear you.

18:24 Adam Okay. Let's power forward with the show.

18:27 Drew She was going to tell us something about herself, and yes I...

18:28 Adam Did somebody disappoint you? Did your dad abandon you?

18:32 Drew Oh yeah.

18:32 My dad, he was really strict, and he put me down constantly.

18:37 Drew All right. So you're getting these awful guys because of that.

18:40 Right.

18:41 Drew You need to pick some different kinds of guys.

18:42 Adam But you wouldn't be attracted to a wimpy guy who would treat you like a queen, right?

18:49 No. As long as he had a little bit of passion, a little bit of bad boy in him.

18:53 Drew There's no such mix.

18:54 Adam They don't make those guys. I know. See, I mean, here's your catch-22, Adrena. And you probably know it.

19:02 Drew By the way, Adrena sounds very, very smart.

19:04 I've come to a realization about myself. I had a low self-esteem until I was about 20. I slept around a lot in high school, knock on wood right now that I haven't come up with any of nereal diseases. But I mean, I didn't realize until I was older that I was kind of like searching for love. I mean, it took me all that time to figure out that's exactly what it was.

19:27 Drew Well, hey, speak up about it because a lot of other young people out there are doing the same thing and they don't realize that's what they're doing. Women come to that kind of compulsive behavior through love and intimacy addiction.

19:36 Adam All right. So she knows what's going on. She's not attracted to the kind of guy who's going to stick around long-term and treat her right. She's attracted to the bad boys. She knows that and therefore she's staying out of relationships because she doesn't want to get hooked up with another bad boy. Meanwhile, she's compulsively masturbating. Fine. 25. Take another six months. Read a book. Do a little therapy. Diddle yourself. And eventually start dating the good guys. They're definitely out there, ladies. You ladies who say there's no good guys out there are dead wrong. You're just not attracted to them. There's probably more of those guys than there are the bad guys. Although the bad guys make the rounds more. So, it seems like there's more of them in a certain way. You know what I'm saying? I mean, if you take... I'm going to try to do some math here, Drew. Let's say...

20:28 Drew This could be a stretch.

20:29 Adam Okay. I would say it could be four-to-one good guys to bad guys. When I say good guys, I mean dedicated guys who hold down a job.

20:39 Drew Boring guys.

20:40 Adam Boring guys. Guys, they're a little short on passion, but they're...

20:44 Drew You and me.

20:45 Adam But they're prompt.

20:46 Drew Boring.

20:46 Adam Right. Okay. A little bit short on those. I mean, they're not exciting guys, but I know there's a hell of a lot more of them than there are the player types. But the player guys, they make the rounds. I mean, they're out there. They bounce from woman to woman to woman. And so it can seem like that's all there is. The boring guys are sitting at home playing fantasy football, or Dungeons and Dragons, or something like that. But if you wanted to find one of those guys, he would be thrilled to have you. He treats you right. So what if he salivates when he makes love? Robert? Yes. You're 33.

21:24 Caller I'm 33. And I can't believe I finally got through to you guys. I love you guys both. And I'm glad I waited this long to get through you because I have the awesome question that I just came across.

21:32 Adam All right.

21:32 Caller I was recently, unfortunately, incarcerated for a failure to appear. And while I was incarcerated, I met this guy who told me about marbles. Have you ever heard of this?

21:42 Adam No.

21:43 Caller Well, apparently, what they're doing in the jails or pens or whatever, they're taking toothbrushes and they sharpen them. And they pierce the foreskin of their penis. And they put marbles in there.

21:56 Drew Oh, yeah. I have heard about this.

21:58 Caller Ouch! Yeah. So there's two holes because you don't pierce right through. You pull the foreskin up. They put two marbles in it. And this guy showed me, right? And I asked him, I said, well, I mean, it seems to me, although it would be stimulating for the woman, it seems like there would be some friction.

22:15 Drew It would hurt.

22:16 Caller It seems like it would hurt like hell.

22:18 Adam Where do they insert the marbles?

22:19 Drew Sort of under the skin.

22:20 Adam Under the skin. Why do you have to put a hole in the foreskin to get it under the skin?

22:24 Caller Well, how else would you?

22:25 Drew I think he means they lift up the foreskin and tunnel underneath it.

22:29 Adam Well, that's not really the foreskin. That's sort of the shaft skin.

22:33 Caller Well, I don't have the medical terminology.

22:34 Drew The shaft skin, yeah.

22:35 Caller That's the exact location of the top of the penis.

22:37 Drew If there's foreskin there, that would be there, too.

22:39 Adam Right. I see. So it goes behind the head of the penis. Actually on the shaft of the penis.

22:45 Drew They put like BBs in there, right?

22:47 Caller No, no. These were marbles he showed me. Unfortunately, this guy's been incarcerated since he did it, so he couldn't tell me if there's any long-term pain or... He couldn't tell me how it worked or if it was going to hurt him, so I'm just wondering.

23:00 Drew It's better he stay there.

23:02 Adam Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, he sharpened a toothbrush.

23:06 Caller Well, there's not exactly scalpels in there.

23:07 Adam Jesus Christ. I know, but here's the thing. How much use out of the Johnson are you getting while you're in the joint? How much good use?

23:17 Caller Well, I got none.

23:18 Adam Right. That's what I'm saying. I mean, you got, you know...

23:21 Drew Well, it depends. If you were a serious serial killer, you get a lot of use, right?

23:29 Adam Out of the penis?

23:29 Drew Sure. Serial killer?

23:30 Adam Well, yeah, sure. Yeah. You can get collagen injections in your lips, and you can get on estrogen. You can become a woman. Sure. Yeah.

23:42 Drew Well, and all those women are attracted to you, and you have to have conjugal business with them.

23:46 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I get interviewed all the time, and every interview I do, actually, I don't do too many interviews, but on the rare chance that I do do an interview, and we're talking about the man show, they always say, what about ladies? I mean, you're doing this sexist chauvinistic show. Women must hate you now. So are you kidding? Let me tell you how stupid women are. Guy kills his whole family and then a handful of nurses. He goes into the pokey for life. He's got sacks full of proposals showing up every other day at the prison. I do a crappy cable show. I mean, come on.

24:27 Drew I also liked the interview you did with it. Was it Men's Fitness Magazine the other day?

24:30 Adam I did.

24:31 Drew They asked something about relationships or what you're going to do for the millennium.

24:35 Adam Men's Fitness? Yeah. Who read what?

24:39 Drew You said, what does it matter?

24:41 Adam Oh, what are you talking about?

24:43 Drew Was it Men's Fitness or something like that?

24:44 Adam Now, somebody wanted me to do an interview with Men's Fitness, but I said I didn't partake. I labeled that as gay porn and I didn't do interviews with gay porn.

24:54 Drew Why do you care? You're gay porn magazine.

24:56 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah. Men's Fitness wanted some tips on what couples could do for the millennium. And I was like, what do they care? Yeah, you guys, this is a gay porn publication. As much as you'd like to call it Men's Fitness, it's really... There's a guy on roller blades with a shirt off and he's wearing cycling shorts and he's going down the strand. This is a... There's no straight man alive who reads Men's Fitness. Maybe the editor, but I suspect he's gay too. There's no straight guy who reads an article, you know, Six Minutes to Rock Hard Abs, you know. This stuff is just nonsense. Does anybody read that crap, by the way? Who reads that junk? We'll be right back. Only gay men. Only gay men read those magazines. There are a handful of straight guys who want Rock Hard Abs but they're still not going to read about them. You want Rock Hard Abs? Stop eating so much, you slob. Do a sit up every once in a while. Done. Please. Every once in a while, they put these things under the guise of heterosexual love, you know, how to please your partner. Yeah, if he has a tight ass, you're coming in five minutes. That's the bottom line. Please.

26:15 Drew Okay. Here we go.

26:16 Adam All right. Well, you brought it up. We're going to take a break.

26:22 Love line, with Anna Perot and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back before you know it.

26:52 Adam Neat. Neat is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Drew and I were just musing during the commercial. What is it about gay guys that makes them want to become women? I mean, I understand the part of, I want to nail this guy in the ass, I want to get myself a BJ.

27:13 Drew And you're sort of routinely overcome with feelings like that.

27:16 Adam Right. That's my middle name. Adam, I want to get you in the ass, Corolla. But what about the part, what about the obsession with hair?

27:26 Drew That's where that man show is starting.

27:29 Adam What about the exfoliation? The skin products, the meados, all that is because we're talking about these men's fitness magazines. And this is something that women do. Women will read Vogue or Cosmo or one of these other rags and they will read how to tighten their ass up. I mean, look at the cover. Go to a newsstand, look at the Vogue's and the Cosmo's and whatever other broad rags there are out there. There will be something about your ass on the cover of each one of those. I mean, it will say 10 days to a slimmer ass, a slimmer butt, tighten up that butt, firm up that butt, what to do with your butt. It's all about doing something for your butt, but women will read an article to figure out what to do about their ass, and guys won't. But gay guys will read an article about what to do about their abs. Now, what is that? What is that? It's a totally chick thing, reading an article about how to do something, not a shop manual, not about how to assemble something, but how to look better. What hairstyles are in? You know, women will open up one of these magazines, they'll be, oh, look at Jenna Elfman's hair. That, you know what? I would be cute in Jenna Elfman's hair. I'm going to cut out this picture of Jenna Elfman, I'm going to take it with me when I go to the stylist, and I'll hand it to them, and then they can make my hair look like Jenna Elfman's hair. Which, by the way, doesn't do it, ladies, because we don't want her hair, we want her ass. But the point is, cut out a picture of her ass next time, by the way, and bring that with you. But Jenna Elfman, no guy has ever cut out a picture, oh, there's Matthew McConaughey, look at that hair. I'm taking that with me. I'm going to give this picture to my barber, and he can make my hair look like Matthew McConaughey's hair. You know what I'm saying?

29:34 Drew Yeah.

29:35 Adam How does that work? It's a gay thing and a chick thing, but the question is, what is it about being gay that turns you into a chick? I thought you hated women. Isn't that the point? Don't you despise women?

29:51 Drew No, just not sexually arousal.

29:53 Adam Hmm. Anderson brings up a point, which is, but women love men. So it's like you're one removed, but still, no, that's a horrible point, Anderson.

30:05 Drew Here we go.

30:05 Adam All right, speaking of men, the Man Show is on right now. Tell me when we go to commercial break up there, Lisa.

30:11 Whatever.

30:12 Adam Jeremy?

30:13 Yes.

30:13 Adam You're 22.

30:14 Caller Yes, sir.

30:14 Adam What's up?

30:15 Caller Not much. My girlfriend has developed a bad odor. I used to go down on her quite often, but now I don't. She doesn't believe me there's an odor.

30:28 Drew Well, has she had a pelvic exam recently?

30:30 Caller Yeah, she goes to gynecologist and they say that she don't have no infections or nothing like that.

30:37 Adam Did you tell her there was an odor? Yeah. She checked it out and they couldn't find anything. Right.

30:44 Caller She douches every four or five days.

30:47 Drew Has she always done that?

30:48 Caller No. When we first got together, it was very clean down there, no smell.

30:52 Adam Any diet change?

30:54 Caller No.

30:56 Adam Can they test for smell? No. They can't because if there's ever reason to have an assistant at the lab, you know what I mean? Like in the office, that would be the one.

31:09 Caller Yeah.

31:09 Adam Herbie, come here. Herbie, put down that sandwich. Come here. Some guy is doing like a college summer internship. Herbie, come here. Close your eyes. Yeah, come here. How's that down there? You can talk to me through the intercom. I'll be in the other office. Good, bad, medium. What about those things that the dentists use to test your breath smell?

31:33 Drew Yeah.

31:33 Adam Could they wave one of those around down there?

31:35 Drew That's a bacterial gas measure.

31:38 Adam But that's where the-

31:39 Drew It's a different kind of gas. It is? Yeah, but it could-

31:42 Adam Someone could devise something.

31:43 Drew But it's not important. What's important is checking to see if there's a bacteria there.

31:47 Adam There isn't.

31:48 Drew Well, I wonder if they ought to just treat her empirically with one of the, like, Metrogel, one of these anti-bacterial creams and just see if she gets better. She hasn't started a pill or anything like that, birth control pill?

32:01 Caller Well, she's usually on estrogen to regulate her period because she don't have one without it. Why? She has- I don't- She was in some auto-rec like five years ago and since then she doesn't have a period unless she's on the pill.

32:14 Drew They take her ovaries out or something? What's the problem?

32:16 Caller No, they're all there. Just she don't have a period.

32:18 Adam Well, must have jarred something.

32:20 Caller I guess. I don't know.

32:22 Adam Knocked her period right out of her.

32:23 Drew Wow. Well, again, I think an impaired course of treatment would be appropriate. Until proven otherwise, a bad smell is infectious.

32:32 Adam I'm just playing a hunch here. Jeremy?

32:34 Caller Yes.

32:34 Adam You pre-med?

32:36 Caller No.

32:36 Adam No. Okay. I guess I was wrong.

32:38 Drew He's a physicist.

32:39 Adam Got in a car accident. Yeah. Knocked her period out. Her period got run over. Her period got rear-ended. Kelly?

32:52 Yeah.

32:53 Adam You're 17.

32:53 Caller Yeah.

32:54 Adam What's up?

32:56 Caller Well, actually, my science teacher was saying that anorexic people, that they're always freezing and they can't think anything else but getting warm.

33:10 Drew Well, if they have severe, yeah, of course. First of all, they're very severely depleted in body fat, so it's difficult to maintain body temperature. There are also some hormonal changes that can make you feel cold if you're severely anorectic.

33:24 Caller Yeah. Well, I think I am, but I don't know. I'm like, I don't think I'm skinny enough to see anorexics.

33:35 Drew Well, guess what? One of the features of anorexics, a defining feature, is the fact that anorexics don't believe they're skinny.

33:45 Caller Well, actually, I'm like not, though. Okay. But, um.

33:49 Adam Well, at least. How tall are you?

33:50 Caller What?

33:51 Adam How tall are you?

33:52 Caller I'm seven.

33:53 Adam How much you weigh?

33:56 Caller 120.

33:57 Drew Okay. Well, that's skinny.

33:59 Adam That's getting, that's getting lanky.

34:00 Drew There's always a distorted body image associated with eating disorders, and that is distorted if you think you're overweight at 125.7.

34:08 Adam Right. Yeah. What's the matter there, Kelly?

34:13 Caller Nothing.

34:14 Adam Are you thrown up?

34:15 Caller No.

34:16 Adam In general?

34:17 Caller Uh-huh. No, I'm not. I'm just, I don't know. Uh-huh.

34:24 Adam You all right?

34:25 Caller Um, yeah. But, um. Yeah. Like, if I am and I do go to, like, do I have to go to a hospital or anything?

34:35 Drew Depends how severe it is.

34:36 Adam How long you been doing this?

34:37 Caller Um, ever since summer started.

34:41 Drew Well, you need to, people die of this condition very, very commonly.

34:45 Adam Well, hey, Kelly? Yeah? Um, are you not, are you throwing up or not?

34:50 Caller No, I'm, no.

34:51 Drew She's just not eating.

34:52 Adam You're just starving yourself?

34:53 Caller Um, well, yeah.

34:54 Adam What if you ate a little more, but you did a little more exercise? How about that?

35:00 Uh, I'm kind of like, not like, You're not what?

35:06 Caller Um, okay, I guess.

35:09 Adam Yeah?

35:09 Drew Yeah, I don't think that will happen, though. Why do you sound so distressed?

35:14 Adam Is there a dog chewing on your shin right now? Uh, no.

35:19 I'm really, really nervous.

35:20 Adam Okay.

35:22 Caller Like, I, like, love you guys so much.

35:24 Really?

35:25 Caller Yeah.

35:25 Adam Well, we only like the fat broads, okay? So you're gonna have to put on some weight.

35:30 Caller Um, yeah.

35:32 Adam I like a woman who goes about 190. 5'7? Ooh, you'd have to be over 200 for me to get it up. All right. Hey, Kelly?

35:39 Caller Yeah?

35:40 Adam Listen, uh, ooh.

35:45 Caller Yeah?

35:45 Adam I've never elicited this sort of response from a woman. Usually they're like, yeah, what?

35:51 Caller I'm sorry, I'm just, like, so...

35:52 Adam Moral sex, whatever. Hey, yeah, you can stop.

35:57 Drew Go fix my garage.

35:58 Adam All right, listen, Kelly, you know, you're heading into some trouble here. See if you can head it off, and if you can't, you're gonna have to get some help.

36:09 Drew Yeah, important.

36:09 Adam She's not throwing up. She's 120. She's not 105.

36:12 Drew Yeah, but it is...

36:13 Adam But it's getting dangerous now, and she's gonna have to start to step it up a little bit.

36:17 Drew That's right. She's gotta take it seriously.

36:18 Adam All right. What the hell? Hey, is there a commercial on the Man Show yet? Oh, there is. All right.

36:24 Drew Well, wait a minute. We don't want to stop doing a commercial.

36:27 Adam Oh, that's right. I gotta work the math out here. Idiot. That's right. That's right.

36:32 Drew There's a commercial now?

36:33 Adam There's a commercial now. When we come back from commercial, then I'll go take a look.

36:36 Drew So we have to do it.

36:37 Adam All right. Well, we can do that. Oh, now we're done. All right. Hold on. There you go. You couldn't tell it was the last commercial? They should number commercials. Shouldn't they just put a number on it, like six? Just lower right-hand corner?

36:48 Drew They should have a little clock to return to show in.

36:51 Adam Yeah, be nice. Yeah. All right. We're going to take a little break. I'm going to watch three and a half minutes of the man show. We'll be back after this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

37:41 Drew Yeah.

37:42 Adam Young John's been on hold for 65 minutes already.

37:45 Drew Yeah, that's kind of weird.

37:46 Adam Seems like a long time. Seems how we've only been on the air for like 40 minutes.

37:51 Drew Wanna talk to him?

37:51 Adam Yeah, why don't we do that? John?

37:54 Yeah.

37:55 Adam You're 13?

37:56 Caller Yeah.

37:56 Adam I know, you're young and it's almost time for your bedtime, right? What's up?

38:02 Caller Okay, I've been on Ziloft for about three or four weeks now.

38:07 Drew Yeah.

38:08 Caller And when I masturbate, I have this black ring around the opening of my penis. And also, Ziloft is supposed to make me like less stressed out and like, you know, I guess be nice to whoever, but I've been like angry at my friends. And like, I've been like mean. I'm getting like a reverse effect.

38:28 Drew You got to talk to your doctor about that. It's important.

38:31 Caller Yeah.

38:32 Drew Because more irritability is not the desired effect of that drug. I don't know what the discoloration is so much.

38:38 Adam Around the black ring, around the opening of your penis?

38:42 Caller Yeah.

38:43 That's strange.

38:45 Adam Maybe it's caused by the dust buster. You've been using the masturbator. No? No. When you say around the, you say the opening of the penis? Yeah. Yeah. Around the urethra? Urethra.

39:00 Drew Urethral meadus, that's called. Give my anatomy book.

39:02 Adam Urethral meadus, that's the mouth of the dragon?

39:07 Drew Uptop. Uptop there.

39:08 Adam All right.

39:08 Caller Yeah.

39:09 Adam And how far, how big is this ring?

39:12 Caller It's like, it's like right at the rim. It's like, it's not that big.

39:16 Adam So, I mean, is it a quarter inch around? Is it half an inch around?

39:20 Caller No, it's smaller than that.

39:22 Adam Smaller than a quarter inch?

39:24 Caller Yeah.

39:25 Adam Well, your meadus.

39:27 Drew Meadus.

39:27 Adam Your meadus. And I hope your meadus never meets mine, by the way. Your meadus is an eighth around, basically.

39:36 Caller Yeah.

39:37 Adam Okay, so in order for it to be smaller than a quarter, it would have to be sort of right on the...

39:44 Caller It's like lining it. I mean, I guess.

39:45 Adam It's aligning it.

39:47 Caller Yeah.

39:47 Drew Inside.

39:48 Adam It's inside of it.

39:49 Caller No, no, no, no. It's like bordering it.

39:53 Drew It's like, like it's cold, like purple lips.

39:56 Adam Like purple lips on it?

39:57 Caller Yeah.

39:58 Adam Yeah. What do you think that could be? I mean, is that just a manifestation of his sort of psychological state there?

40:06 Drew No, no, no.

40:07 Adam Putting too much time looking down his penis?

40:09 Drew But it may have something to do with the way blood flows through that area, perhaps changed by the Zoloft. For instance, the whole nitric oxide pathway that Viagra works through is thought to be affected by things like Zoloft a little bit.

40:23 Adam All right.

40:23 Drew So that makes sense.

40:25 Adam All right. So he has to talk to his doctor.

40:27 Drew I'm looking for a picture of a maedas for your hearing.

40:29 Adam Well, it's all right if you don't find one. Max?

40:32 Drew You're not disappointed?

40:33 Adam Hi.

40:34 Caller How are you doing?

40:35 Adam Yeah. I'm good. Maedas, it just sounds like an Irish guy talking about his ass. He got me a maedas. What's going on there, Max? You're 25 years old.

40:49 Caller My wife hates me.

40:50 Caller She's pregnant.

40:51 She's four months pregnant.

40:52 Caller Yeah.

40:54 Caller I come home, I can't talk to her. I start talking to her and she kills me. She wants sex, but she doesn't want me talking to her.

41:01 Drew She's irritable.

41:02 Adam Beautiful. Very irritable. That's fine. And why is that, Drew?

41:07 Drew How far along is she in pregnancy?

41:08 Adam Four months.

41:09 Drew Four months. Maybe she's depressed.

41:15 Caller I have no idea what the problem is. I come home, she wants to have sex.

41:20 Caller That's about it. I start talking to her.

41:22 Caller She gets pissed off.

41:23 Adam Is this your first child? Yes. I mean, Drew, when a woman is sort of halfway along with a kid, aren't all bets off?

41:32 Drew Yeah. There can be changes in personality and mood. And the God's greatest sort of joke is that come the third trimester is when they really sort of get sexually aroused.

41:41 Adam Right. When you can dent the kid's soft skull with your penis.

41:44 Drew Well, I wouldn't ignore it because depressions around pregnancy can be quite serious. So I would sort of bring it to her attention and keep hanging in with her.

41:52 Adam How was she before this?

41:54 Caller She was great. Outgoing and everything else.

41:56 Caller But see, I work in LA.

41:57 Caller I live up here in Northern California. I'm gone like five days a week. I barely make it home a couple nights a week.

42:03 Drew Is that what she's pissed about?

42:04 Caller I think so.

42:05 Drew Women feel very vulnerable when they're pregnant. If you're not around the way she needs you to be, it can really evoke some awful feelings. She feels abandoned, she feels unloved, and she feels vulnerable. And she's fantasizing, holy Christ, what's this going to be like when I have a kid and he's not around?

42:22 Caller So I need to stay home.

42:23 Drew You need to spend more time at home if you possibly can, or at least stay more connected with her.

42:26 Adam Can you do that?

42:28 Caller I guess I can.

42:29 Caller I'll find a new job.

42:30 Drew More phone calls, just more connection if you possibly can.

42:33 Adam What's your job?

42:35 Caller I'm a driver. I'm a charge driver.

42:40 Caller I work local, but my phone bill last month was like 500 bucks just for cell phone calls alone. I talk to her every couple of hours on the phone.

42:46 Drew Why don't you get a new cell phone plan?

42:49 Adam One that would accommodate your calling.

42:52 Drew Why don't you get 2,000 minutes a month for 200 bucks?

42:57 Adam You know what I could never figure out about the phone calls, where, was, is? Here's what I can't figure out about phones. When I lived, not the cell phone, just the land phone. When I used to live in La Crescenta, I'd call like Jimmy lived in Woodland Hills five years ago.

43:16 Drew 10 bucks.

43:17 Adam And that was, as a crow flies about nine miles, 10 miles away. It would cost, you know, for a 15-minute conversation, and it would cost like four or five bucks. And then I could call my buddy in San Francisco, exact same price. Now, that's four or 500 miles away. Ten miles away, 475 miles away. Same price. Oh, how's that work? What's that based on? Yeah. Is it based on anything? Or is it just based on, you're calling this place a lot and...

43:52 Drew We'll get you.

43:52 Adam We'll get you. Yeah, what is that? How does that work? How do they determine that?

43:56 Drew Don't know.

43:57 Adam Okay. But the car seat gutter, you're down with that?

44:00 Drew I'm down with that.

44:00 Adam Okay.

44:01 Drew I still, I gotta check your car.

44:03 Adam What's going on over there with the man show, Anderson? Is it in a commercial or what's happening over there?

44:09 There's girls with white hair.

44:10 Adam There's girls? Oh, okay. What a surprise. Nicole?

44:14 Yeah.

44:15 Adam You're 14.

44:16 Caller Hi.

44:16 Adam What's up?

44:17 Caller I love your show.

44:18 Adam Thanks.

44:18 Caller Okay. I think I may have a hernia and I don't know what to do.

44:23 Drew Why do you believe that?

44:24 Caller Well, I've had a double hernia before when I was younger.

44:28 Drew When you were a baby?

44:29 Caller Yeah. No. First grade.

44:30 Drew Okay.

44:31 Caller And I had it removed surgically, I guess.

44:34 Drew Yeah. Repaired.

44:36 Caller Huh?

44:36 Adam Repaired.

44:38 Caller Okay. But now I've had this pain in the same area and I just took a look at it and there's kind of a bulge and it's kind of hard and it hurts really bad.

44:51 Yeah.

44:52 Drew It's important you get a doctor to look at it.

44:54 Yeah.

44:54 Drew It's possible it's a lymph node or something like that, but it certainly is risk that it could be a hernia.

44:59 Adam Would it be hard though? I have one and I can push it in if I want.

45:03 Drew When something gets stuck in the hernia and it incarcerates, that's pretty serious. Because that's how you get bowel obstruction and the bowel can die in there.

45:09 Caller It could be a big mess.

45:10 Drew So if it hurts a lot, you've got to go to the hospital tonight.

45:15 Adam I didn't know that women got the hernia.

45:18 Yeah.

45:19 Drew Not as frequently as men.

45:21 Adam Not nearly. Why not?

45:24 Drew Because there's nothing, having traveled through all that, you had your testes move through all that area.

45:28 Adam And loosen things up?

45:29 Drew Yeah.

45:30 Adam Really? That's why? Because when I was hitting puberty, no, no, wait a minute.

45:42 Drew Development.

45:42 Adam Development. How old are you when your testes descend that way?

45:47 Drew Yeah, a little bit. With all that potential is already there.

45:51 Adam So is it because there's a pathway that loosen things up? That's not because they went down the path, it's because there's a pathway there. So because men have that pathway in that area makes it more susceptible to it. And it's rare for a woman to get it. And I have a bulge down there, man. And I don't know what the hell to do with that.

46:11 Drew You gotta repair it. Did I check it?

46:14 Adam You took a look at it once.

46:15 Drew I told you it was a hernia.

46:17 Adam It looks like the head of a Chia Pet sticking out about three inches above my penis. It's horrible.

46:23 Drew It dwarfs your penis.

46:25 Adam Yeah, it's actually starting to start sticking out further than my penis now. It's just bad. I'm going to start using my hernia on women. Keep the penis as sort of an auxiliary backup in case there's an emergency. Oh, Jesus Christ.

46:42 Drew All right.

46:42 Adam So, but Drew, I don't have to do anything with that thing until it starts hurting, right?

46:45 Drew If it hurts, you gotta do something right away.

46:47 Adam Yeah, but it hurts a little sometimes, but then it goes away.

46:49 Drew Well, be careful.

46:50 Adam I'm thinking, what do you mean be careful? What am I supposed to do?

46:53 Drew I hope we're not like traveling somewhere in the plane when that happens next time.

46:57 Adam You could fix it with a ballpoint pen and some Kimchatka, right?

47:02 Drew Not with the crap, the lack of equipment to have on a plane, but I had a patient just die this recently, a 50-year-old guy.

47:08 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake. With the hernia?

47:10 Drew Yep.

47:10 Adam All right. I'm going to look into this. We're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we're going to speak to, who are we going to speak to?

47:21 Drew JD.?

47:22 Adam J.D.'s 20s, dating a married woman? No. Ah, Natalie had a party with friends, had an orgy, brought a dildo in. Wow. We'll get to Natalie in that. That's quite a Tupperware party after this.

47:38 Let's have some more fun.

47:39 Okay. Let's do it. Call Loveline 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:46 Loveline, we'll be right back.

48:17 Adam It's Loveline. We're going to take a... We'll take our traditional 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

48:25 This is Loveline on Radio Station.

48:41 Adam I love that popcorn. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is on the phone. He's called the hospital. He just got Paige. Let's listen in. Wow, I may have just hung the phone up. What happened there, Doc? You got a little, you got a Paige from the hospital? Drew gets Paige from the hospital, he calls back immediately. Yeah, everything okay?

49:03 Drew Nope, going to the ER.

49:04 Adam You are? Tonight?

49:06 Drew I'll be there later, huh?

49:08 Adam ER, emergency room. See that? I could be a doctor.

49:12 Drew Good.

49:12 Adam I know where it was going on.

49:14 Drew So funny watching that show emergency last night.

49:16 Adam Hysterical. You are going from...

49:20 Drew Rampart, Hanging Ringers Lactate, run it at 100 cc's per hour.

49:24 Adam Lactate Ringers, D5W, STAT, you are going from here to the emergency room tonight?

49:31 Drew No, I will probably go there around 4 or 5 in the morning.

49:33 Adam 4 or 5?

49:33 Drew Judging by the way this is going to go.

49:35 Adam Should you stop off at like the Titty Bar, put a few down, and then go by the emergency room, or just go straight there?

49:40 Drew The workout.

49:41 Adam Listen, I can say Titty Bar, come on, that's in a sentence. Listen, don't worry about that. Please Anderson, don't freak, come on. I'll take full responsibility, for Christ's sake. Had a little lecture about what we can and can't say. I refuse to acknowledge that you can't say Titty Bar on a radio show like this.

50:00 Caller Dude, I have nothing to do with it.

50:02 Adam Fine, I know, just don't worry about it. Hey, Drew. All right, so why are you going in the emergency room 4 or 5 in the morning?

50:11 Drew Because that's about when the workup will be finished.

50:14 Adam You got a patient being brought in there? Why do you have to go in?

50:18 Drew To put the patient in the hospital.

50:20 Adam Why do you have to put them in? Can't you just talk them through that process?

50:25 Caller No.

50:26 Adam You could do it over the phone, couldn't you? You got to start doing more stuff over the phone. You know what I mean?

50:32 Drew Certainly you can't.

50:34 Adam You ever see those movies where the pilot passes out and the guy is up in the air traffic tower and he talks the guy down? That's what you need to do. That's what I would do.

50:43 Drew It's not considered ethical behavior.

50:45 Adam You know what I say?

50:46 Drew Don't do it.

50:47 Adam Ethical shmethical. Alright. So, before we're going, during the break I was talking to Drew about something that always cracks me up. I think I brought it up once on the show which was certain, there's certain commercials like on TV and on radio where they actually sing. You know, there's a certain-

51:05 Drew Like cemetery commercials?

51:06 Adam Well, when you're doing a commercial, you want to have a jingle, except for some things don't work right. The one I was trying to think of as a PSA, I was here on AM radio which is, your gift of hope is a great deduction. Southern California Jewish Centers. And then I was laughing with my buddy, Todd, who's Jewish, who pointed out that on that PSA, on that commercial, they ask you to donate a car. And I said, only the Jews would ask you to donate a car. The goyim, they went five bucks, maybe got a dented can, with some canned garbanzo beans or something in it, or an old moth-eaten sweater you could drop. The Jews are like, hey, how about dropping off a car?

51:55 Drew It's very funny, we had relatives in Russia, in the old country, and we'd communicate once in a while, and they'd go, are things okay? Yeah, things are fine. No, no, great here, great here, but if you could, we could use a refrigerator or a-

52:06 Adam And an RV.

52:07 Caller That's right.

52:08 Caller Yeah.

52:10 Adam The Jews are like, listen, we could play the game where you feed a little change into Jerry's Kids Box or you bring over some canned goods, but let's cut to the chase. You bring a Buick by, now we're talking. Donate a car. Natalie.

52:29 Caller Yeah.

52:29 Adam You're 19.

52:30 Caller Yes, I am.

52:31 Adam What's up?

52:32 Caller Okay. I have a problem because I had an RG with a couple of my friends and my boyfriend was watching, and they brought in a big, a rather large dildo and used it on me and ever since then, sex hasn't been the same with my boyfriend. He has penis is too small to pleasure me.

52:47 Adam Oh, this is completely bogus. It was a ridiculous question.

52:53 Caller Well, I don't know what to do. I mean, I don't want to hurt his feelings because I've been.

52:58 Adam Why is his penis too small to pleasure you now? Are you stretched out?

53:02 Caller Yes.

53:02 Adam Yes, you're stretched out from the giant dildo that was used on you.

53:06 Caller No, I'm like looser now and like you can't pleasure me anymore.

53:12 Drew Why doesn't this happen to every mother after a child's body and head moves through the birth canal?

53:17 Adam And then the OBGYN uses a dildo on them, which is the part about birthing that you don't often hear about. How come that doesn't happen?

53:29 Caller I don't know.

53:30 Adam Natalie, please admit you're making this up, would you?

53:34 Caller No, I'm not. I'm sorry.

53:35 Adam What color was the carpet that you're on at this party when you were...

53:39 Caller It's light green.

53:40 Adam Light green. And what kind of party was it?

53:43 Caller It was just a little get together.

53:46 Adam A little get together. And how many friends were you having an orgy with?

53:50 Caller I had five of my girlfriends and my boyfriend. And me.

53:54 Adam And it was you and five women and they were all using the business end of the dildo on you?

54:03 Caller Uh-huh.

54:03 Adam And your boyfriend stumbled in? Where was he?

54:07 Caller Hold on one second please. Just please. All right.

54:10 Adam Well, let's...

54:12 Drew Oh, wait, wait. Mom? Oh, I see.

54:17 Adam There we go. Oh, if her mom was like, if her dad was like, even if dad like pulling up the driveway with the radio on, now that was bogus.

54:30 Drew Yeah.

54:31 Adam You don't get stretched out, believe me. Listen, does your ass get stretched out from taking a dump? There you go. Does your mouth get stretched out from yawning?

54:44 Drew Right.

54:45 Adam Do you know what I'm saying?

54:45 Drew That's right.

54:47 Adam Thank God you can snap back. I mean, you could shove like a kielbasa up your nose, yank it out and come back.

54:55 Drew Right.

54:56 Adam You can do anything you want with yourself pretty much. It comes back.

55:00 Drew That's right.

55:04 Adam I've grabbed my penis and pulled it out like a stretch Armstrong. Unfortunately, snaps right back.

55:11 Drew Do you like-

55:11 Adam Even shortens up a little bit.

55:12 Drew Is there a recording of you saying something? Well, I got a snake in my boots.

55:16 Adam No. That wasn't Stretch Armstrong.

55:19 Drew No, no, no. Like Woody.

55:21 Adam All right. Listen, don't make any Woody references. I'm talking about Stretch Armstrong, a real man's toy. JD.?

55:30 How's it going?

55:31 Adam You're 20. What's up?

55:32 Caller I'm- Right now, I'm dating a married woman. Yeah. She's been married for like six months and she's unhappy. And she's in like the process of being separated and being divorced. My question is, how long do I wait after like she's divorced to start a relationship that'll be healthy?

55:51 Adam You're already having one with her though, right?

55:54 Caller Yeah. But we kind of called it. I kind of called it off.

55:58 Adam Why did you call it off though? I mean, she's not getting divorced. Has she not been following through with what she's been saying she's going to do?

56:04 Caller But I don't want to like be the other guy.

56:07 Adam Has she not been- has she been making promises that she's not keeping?

56:11 Caller No, she's in the process of being separated. She's separated from now.

56:15 Drew Yeah, but being in the process of-

56:16 Adam Are you li-

56:17 Drew Yeah.

56:18 Adam Are you listening to me, JD? Has she been lying to you?

56:21 Caller No.

56:22 Adam Has she been not, you know, if you've been saying, listen, what's going on with this, and she says, next week, next week, next week, and it's always next week?

56:29 Caller No, I just don't want to cause any more problem in her life, you know, with the separation and all, than what she's going through.

56:35 Adam Okay, listen, Jack Hole, I understand that, but you're already having a relationship with her, or you were having a relationship with her, and I don't see any logical reason why you would stop having the relationship with her if she was moving ahead with the proceedings to divorce, and to separate, and she's moving out, and get in her own place, or whatever it is, or he's moving out. I mean, if all that is moving forward, why are you stopping now?

57:03 Caller I'm just thinking she's going to need time from, I mean, like, involved. I mean, we haven't had sex, sir.

57:09 Drew JD, she's not divorcing.

57:11 Caller She is divorcing.

57:12 Adam She is.

57:13 Drew She served papers.

57:13 Adam Are they living together?

57:15 Caller No.

57:15 Adam No, they're not.

57:16 Drew She's separated, but she's divorcing, and she's served him papers.

57:19 Caller Yeah.

57:20 Adam Okay.

57:20 Drew All right, so it's over.

57:22 Adam Then that's over, and go ahead and cautiously, slowly move along with your relationship.

57:30 Caller Okay.

57:31 Adam Yeah. I mean, listen, everybody. Relationships can go different speeds at different times, right? I mean, okay, she's going through a divorce, she has some issues, there's some wounds that are open. All right, so you don't see each other every night. Right. You talk on the phone, you go out once a week, whatever it is, you keep something kindled, a little fire there, and then as time goes on and she heals and what have you, then you can have it turn into a full-fledged relationship. I think the people who came up with the jingle for the Southern California Jewish Shetter, the gift of hope is a great deduction. Southern California Jewish. I think they ought to get together with the folks that wrote the theme from Taboo 2.

58:19 Caller Yes, he does.

58:23 Adam Let me hear just a few beats of that. Come on. Man, I had that on today at home. I was playing it to my friends over the phone. I was holding the phone up to the speaker. I was reading the lyric sheet.

58:33 Drew Our forums aren't up yet at drdrew.com, but I'm going to put the lyrics up in our forums.

58:38 Adam Would you please?

58:38 Drew Yeah, I've got it in my car. I've got the lyrics in my car. I'm taking it down to the stuff.

58:42 Adam How about we put the song on there too and let them download that? For those of you who weren't with us last night, Taboo 2 was my favorite porn movie for my youth.

58:52 Drew Are there copyright issues with that or anything?

58:54 Adam Probably. Everyone who was involved with publishing, singing or composing the song Dying of AIDS in 1987.

59:02 Drew If anybody knows anything about that, go ahead and e-mail.

59:08 Adam I'd just like to hear the theme.

59:10 Drew Give us an e-mail at drdrew.com if you think it's appropriate for us to put this up and if we can actually pull it off.

59:15 Adam I would like to hear the theme from Taboo 2 just one more time. Just one more time. What is it? 30 seconds?

59:21 Drew It's so-

59:22 Adam Come on, Anderson.

59:23 Drew It's like fingernails on the chocolate.

59:24 Adam One more time. Come on, please.

59:27 Jesus Christ in heaven.

59:30 Adam Andy Dick, everyone. All right.

59:32 Caller Here we go.

59:35 Adam Hear the acoustic guitar?

59:39 Drew There's at least three chords in this song.

59:41 Adam He knows how to please in every detail. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, he does. It's like she's singing about James Bond. Meanwhile- Oh, I like this line. You thought that you knew him. Maybe you did, but you don't. It's true. This guy's multi-dimensional. He's banging his sister and his mom. He's raped his sister. This is when porn was porn, kids.

1:00:28 But basically, it's like...

1:00:29 Adam Oh, it's a crescendo here, Drew.

1:00:31 Drew Romantic song about Timothy McVeigh.

1:00:43 Caller Man, you are one pathetic loser.

1:00:47 Adam That is hot. Yeah, it's great. The guy's raping his sister. The whole plot line of Taboo 2 is the guy rapes his sister and then bangs his mom. But they're writing about him like he's this combination between, oh, he's like James Bond meets Sir Walter Raleigh or something, you know? Meanwhile, he lives in the Valley and he's banging his sister.

1:01:13 Drew And why is our society such an evil spell right now?

1:01:15 Adam Oh, please, you cannot blame it on Taboo 2. I refuse to hear that kind of talk.

1:01:19 Drew I'm just blaming it on a decade that produce crap like that.

1:01:21 Adam Sarah?

1:01:22 Caller Yes?

1:01:22 Adam You're 18.

1:01:23 Caller Hi, I'd just like to start off, but this is just such an honor for me. Really? To be able to talk to you.

1:01:28 Adam Thank you.

1:01:28 Caller Thank you.

1:01:29 Adam Is it me personally or me and Drew?

1:01:31 Caller Both of you, Dr. Drew and Adam.

1:01:33 Drew Sarah. Even after he's carrying on about that damn song.

1:01:37 Adam It's a good song.

1:01:38 Caller It was kind of funny. Thank you. I recently started taking orthotriacycline, and I was a virgin until August. I'm 18 years old, as I had said before. It was a big decision for me to lose my virginity in the first place. And this is just one more thing that I really want to think through before I continue with it. I started in November taking orthotriacycline, and I'd really like to know, are there any long-term effects caused from birth control?

1:02:10 Drew No.

1:02:11 Caller There aren't any that they've found?

1:02:12 Drew In fact, none. I mean, you think about it, women have been taking it for 40 years.

1:02:15 Caller Okay, so it's been around for 40 years?

1:02:17 Drew Well, 30 years regularly. I mean, well, since the 60s, almost 40 years now.

1:02:22 Caller Because I had read the entire sheet, that like all the information.

1:02:25 Drew Yeah, but that sheet will scare the hell out of you.

1:02:27 Caller Oh, yes, of course, like the blood clots and the...

1:02:29 Drew You're not over 30, you're not a smoker.

1:02:31 Adam Listen, you do my policy, no sheet. That's my policy. No sheet, Sherlock. That is my policy when it comes to those sheets. I say no sheet.

1:02:42 Drew The overwhelming scientific evidence now suggests that there's actually health advantages to being on the pill.

1:02:46 Adam Well, no sheet.

1:02:48 Drew Less ovarian cancer, less osteoporosis.

1:02:50 Adam No sheet.

1:02:51 Drew Less public inflammatory disease. So there's multiple, multiple health advantages.

1:02:55 Adam I'm saying stop reading the sheet. No sheet.

1:02:56 Drew And, but you gotta remember there's a huge, actually transmitted disease called pregnancy.

1:03:01 Adam No sheet.

1:03:02 Drew And that is a dangerous condition.

1:03:04 Caller Yes.

1:03:04 Adam No sheet.

1:03:08 Drew Ah, Adam is off the air. That's good.

1:03:10 Caller I just...

1:03:11 Adam I'll eat my popcorn.

1:03:12 Caller I just worried how it would harm me in the future.

1:03:15 Drew It doesn't.

1:03:15 Caller I've been taking it now, like, you know, 40 years down the road. It said something about, I think, breast cancer.

1:03:21 Drew Well, there's some controversy about that, but it...

1:03:25 Caller 10 years after taking it, more susceptible to breast cancer.

1:03:29 Drew Probably not.

1:03:30 Caller No?

1:03:30 Drew Probably not. I think, again, the overwhelming evidence is there's no connection there.

1:03:34 Adam Hold on, hold on. Give my mic back on. I won't say that no more, but listen. Hey, Sarah?

1:03:38 Caller Yes.

1:03:40 Adam What's up with you, screwball?

1:03:41 Caller Me?

1:03:42 Adam You're reading all the fine print, and you're freaked out about your body, or the virginity. It's very important. What's going on with you?

1:03:49 Caller With me?

1:03:50 Adam Yeah.

1:03:51 Caller As far as like my home life or?

1:03:54 Adam Why are you so worried about yourself? You're 18.

1:03:57 Drew Self-preoccupied.

1:03:58 Caller Yeah. I mean, I know this is like such a textbook answer, but people are living longer, and I just want to make sure that my life, I'm trying to do the best for me.

1:04:06 Caller Yeah.

1:04:07 Adam What happened? Someone do you wrong?

1:04:10 Caller No.

1:04:10 Adam What happened to you?

1:04:12 Caller Um, as far as like my parents.

1:04:15 Adam Yeah. I don't know. We're not getting like horrible parents.

1:04:18 Caller Yes.

1:04:19 Adam You overweight?

1:04:20 Caller Yeah, actually.

1:04:22 Adam I don't know why I'm getting, I got that vibe. Where's that vibe come from?

1:04:25 Caller A little bit.

1:04:26 Adam You know, you're keeping people pushed away from you. Yeah. What's up? Why are you so worried about yourself? Relax.

1:04:35 Caller I mean, I have a wonderful boyfriend. I mean, he's the love of my life.

1:04:39 Adam He is.

1:04:39 Caller Yes.

1:04:40 Adam All right. Do you trust him?

1:04:41 Caller Yes, I do. We were both virgins. We lost it to each other.

1:04:44 Adam Okay. Stop reading the fine print. And listen, here's the deal. All these a-hole lawyers in this society, they have to have a thousand possibilities written down for everything.

1:04:56 Caller Yeah.

1:04:56 Adam The sign of the Pez Dispenser says, you know, do not pull Popeye's head off. Do not ingest Popeye's head because some idiot swallowed it in 1979 and there was a lawsuit. So they have to write every possible thing they could imagine that could possibly go wrong so they can say that they warned you about it beforehand. But it's not to be read because you read it and then you get paranoid and you don't want to take it.

1:05:21 Drew Right. You believe it's actually a possible outcome.

1:05:24 Adam Right. Because it's written in that beautiful lettering that you need a jeweler's loop to read. Jesus, what is up with that? You ever read one of those magazines and on one page it says Zoloff and then you turn the page over and there's really, really, Encyclopedia. They've got war and peace stuffed into one page of a magazine. The print is so goddamn small. Microfiche. Yeah. It's ridiculous too. It's like, here's the deal, technically, it must be written down even if we could fit it on the edge of the page and it cannot be read by anybody. And by the way, the only one ever reading those are people with cataracts anyway. I mean, no one under 70 bothers reading that garbage. It's just such a... It's out of lawyers. They should just be all killed.

1:06:14 Drew But if you're really concerned about doing something about your health, Sarah, weight is associated with all kinds of things, including increased risk of breast cancer, colon cancer, heart disease. It's something to take care of there, okay?

1:06:26 Adam I got a little junk vibe there. I don't know why. I don't know what that was.

1:06:32 Drew She's pushing off a little bit.

1:06:33 Adam Where are we going, Henry? Yuki?

1:06:36 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:06:37 Adam Yuki, you're 17.

1:06:39 Caller Yeah.

1:06:40 Adam This is always fun when we go down this road. What kind of name is Yuki?

1:06:44 Caller It's Japanese.

1:06:45 Adam Yeah, we're getting somewhere.

1:06:46 Caller Okay.

1:06:47 Adam Your parents from Japan?

1:06:48 Caller Yeah.

1:06:49 Adam All right.

1:06:49 Caller Okay.

1:06:50 Adam See, the Japanese are smart. They know how to answer these questions. You should try it with these other screwed up nationalities. They don't know where they are. Yuki, that's my name. Where are your parents from? Downing.

1:07:05 Caller Okay. I have a question for Dr. Drew.

1:07:06 Drew Yes, ma'am.

1:07:07 Caller I have a weird lump below my breast, and it's on my left-sided rib cage, and it doesn't hurt if I press on it, but if I push hard enough, it hurts. I was wondering, could it be some kind of cancer or something?

1:07:20 Drew Extremely unlikely in somebody your age. Extremely unlikely in somebody your age.

1:07:25 Caller Because I don't know what it is, and it's kind of scaring me.

1:07:27 Drew Have you had a doctor check it?

1:07:29 Caller Okay, there's this family friend, dude, and I don't really trust this, and he said, oh yeah, it's from your bra.

1:07:38 Caller It's like your underwire bra.

1:07:40 Drew Well, yeah, if you wear an underwire bra and way out in the sort of lateral aspect of the breast, that can cause areas of irritation, even sometimes cyst formation.

1:07:47 Adam Why are you wearing an underwire bra?

1:07:49 Caller Because, I don't know, it gives me a lift. I don't know.

1:07:52 Adam A lift? You're 17. Where are you going?

1:07:55 Caller I don't know.

1:07:56 Adam You're Japanese too. You don't have large breasts, do you?

1:08:00 Caller Not really.

1:08:00 Adam If you do, I'm coming over there. Nothing better than a Japanese woman with a large breast.

1:08:05 Drew Unacceptable.

1:08:06 Adam That's why I like Minka, the porn star.

1:08:09 Drew It could be just a plain old simple cyst. Cysts are very, very common. A what? Cysts, breast cysts. They're very common at your age, and if they get worse and more tender around the time of your period, that's probably it. That's worth having somebody check in.

1:08:24 Adam All right, Yuki. Hey, Yuki. What college are you going to?

1:08:28 Caller Community College.

1:08:29 Adam Community College?

1:08:30 Drew On Route 2.

1:08:32 Adam No. Your dad's going to commit Harry Carrey and some kind of a ritual tonight.

1:08:36 Drew Financial thing on Route 2 UCLA.

1:08:38 Adam No. Unacceptable. Unacceptable. Yuki, do you realize how much shame you're bringing your poor family by going to junior college?

1:08:46 Drew Yeah.

1:08:46 Caller My parents are kind of upset.

1:08:47 Adam Yeah. That's right. I don't even know if they accept Japanese students at Community College.

1:08:54 Caller I think.

1:08:55 Adam I think they have a separate, like, they intern them. It's just like World War II. It's a separate college they have to go to. All right. Well, listen, Yuki, you blow right through there. One semester, then you're off to UCLA, right?

1:09:08 Caller Hopefully.

1:09:09 Adam All right.

1:09:10 Drew See, I told you.

1:09:10 Caller I think.

1:09:11 Adam All right. Don't bring shame to the family that way.

1:09:14 Drew What community college are you going to? What community college are you going to?

1:09:17 Caller I'm thinking of going to El Camino.

1:09:19 Adam Uh-huh. El Camino?

1:09:21 Caller Yeah. Or Santa Monica.

1:09:23 Adam Yeah. Go to Santa Monica.

1:09:24 Caller Really?

1:09:25 Caller But my parents are, like, freaking out.

1:09:27 Caller Like, oh, yeah, it's too far.

1:09:29 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:09:30 Caller Redondo.

1:09:31 Adam Where the hell is El Camino Community College?

1:09:34 Caller It's in Torrance.

1:09:34 Adam Torrance. Now, let me say something. There's way too many things named El Camino in this damn area. There's kids-

1:09:42 Drew What does Camino mean, like a car, right? Or a truck or something, man?

1:09:45 Adam Well, it's a truck. There's an El Camino High School that's over in the valley.

1:09:48 Drew No, no, but the word is like camion. Camino. Does it mean anything?

1:09:53 Adam I don't know. What the hell does that mean? You know, I gotta say something here. We have a big problem in this part of the country in Southern California with illegal immigration, right? But yet everything has a Spanish surname. So what kind of message are we sending? You know what I mean? I mean, we name everything. Every mountain range, every car, every street, every school, it all has some Spanish name to it.

1:10:19 Drew To me, there you go.

1:10:22 Adam Even Drew. So that's sending. I don't blame the folks for coming over the border. You know, you're sending a very confusing message to them. And what if they were telling you not to go over in this place, but over in this place like, oh, there's the Honky, Honkyville is over there, and the Jefferson College is over there, and the Cracker Mountain Range is over there, and you know, the Gerald Ford Memorial Street is over there. You know, you think, hey, that's my, I should be there. It's all named after, it's all my stuff. Think about that. But you know, the San Gabriel Mountain Range and the Ventura Boulevard and Los Feliz and the Sepulveda Boulevard and every school is, you know, the mascots are all the conquistadors and everything. Come on! Of course! Right across, right across the San Diego border is El Cajon. How the hell are you supposed to know you're not supposed to go to El Cajon when you're in Mexico? El Cajon is like Spanish for like, come on by! Something. You know what I mean? San Diego! San Diego, you think you're going to stop and, you know, sleep there and get some water and, you know, have sex with a monk and then keep going. To San Fernando and then to Los Angeles. I mean it just, it just, it never, it never stops. Of course we have a problem here. I bet if we named everything after some kind of Canadian name, I bet all the Canadians would come over here. Why not? All right, we, this is why I need to get in charge. Santa Monica Boulevard will just be, you know, Honky Boulevard or, you know, White, White Road or something.

1:12:14 Drew Names of Queens of England, Victoria.

1:12:16 Adam Yeah, yeah, but just name after some Welsh name or something. And then they'll get confused. There's nothing over there for me. Yeah. Budweiser. No, it's Budweiser. All right. We'll, we're going to take a little break and we'll be back after this. Hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam, that is Drew. I want to thank Eric, a concerned listener, sent me some interesting information. I'll share with you. I'm not going to, I just started looking at it, but it's basically article from the Minnesota Star Tribune, or Minneapolis Star Tribune, which just basically follows some families and how much money they basically cost us. And my overall take, and I don't want to go off on too long a jag on this, is there's about 1% of this society that's doing about 50% of the spending, whether it's their kids being incarcerated, whether it's in and out of rehab, whether it's court costs, whatever it is. I want that 1% eliminated. That's fine with me. This is the society we live in. And I don't want to get the dictionary and look up society, but I know enough to know it means group of people living together harmoniously. And if somebody's out of line, we clip them. That's it.

1:14:23 Drew Here's the key quote from this article. Unless we can figure out a way to really reduce child abuse and neglect, we're not going to be able to find a way to seriously reduce costs.

1:14:31 Adam Well, let's reduce the child's, and then we'll reduce the child's neglect and abuse. You get rid of the kids, then there's no child abuse, there's no child neglect, is there? Just less kiddies. All right, here we go.

1:14:45 Drew Why don't we think the listener that sent that?

1:14:47 Adam I said it was Eric. That's all it said.

1:14:49 Drew It just says Eric, yeah.

1:14:50 Adam All right. Ready to move forward here? Yeah. Tom? Tom, you're 15.

1:14:56 Caller Yeah. What's up? Hey, man, I want to know, have you seen Taboo 1?

1:15:01 Adam No.

1:15:01 Caller Oh, you haven't? It's pretty good, man. You got to see it.

1:15:03 Adam Yeah? Yeah. Does Junior have sex with his mom and his sister?

1:15:08 Caller No. Yeah, he has sex with his brother.

1:15:10 Adam No, he does not.

1:15:11 Caller No, I'm just joking, man.

1:15:13 Adam What is the theme of Taboo 1? I mean, what is the plot?

1:15:18 Caller A bunch of people have sex, no.

1:15:20 Adam Tom, listen, screwball, have you seen it or not?

1:15:23 Caller No, I'm just joking, man. I just wanted to tell you guys that you kick ass, and Adam, you're really funny, dude. I like The Man Show.

1:15:28 Adam Thank you.

1:15:29 Caller It's a great show, man.

1:15:30 Adam Thank you.

1:15:31 Caller Drew, you're really smart, man. You helped me a lot throughout the three years I'm listening to you guys. Oh, good. Anyway, I want to know, you guys tour colleges and do speeches and stuff. Yeah. I want to know, do you guys do high schools? We would. I go to Beverly Hills High School and we've had a lot of guest speakers lately.

1:15:53 Drew I was wondering if we don't have to travel far, we're in. Yeah.

1:15:57 Adam We'll do that.

1:15:59 Caller We're willing to pay you guys.

1:16:00 Adam It's a nice rich tale too.

1:16:02 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:16:05 Drew Why don't you give him a number of Chip and they'll give you a number off the air you can call.

1:16:08 Adam Beverly Hills High has money, they like book speakers.

1:16:12 Caller Yeah, we do. We just had this guy, he talked to us about this guy was a football player and he was about to kill himself. He was pretty good though. It was a motivational speaker. It was pretty fun.

1:16:25 Adam I do a solo speaking project entitled AIDS is Bad.

1:16:29 Caller Oh yeah?

1:16:29 Adam Yeah, that I might work on.

1:16:32 Drew There is that one you're working on, Teaching Teens to Smoke.

1:16:35 Adam Teaching Teens to Smoke and AIDS is Bad. The AIDS is Bad one. I haven't worked out all the beats, but it goes something like this. AIDS is bad. Thank you. Oh, I get more applause than that. I mean, come on, AIDS is bad. It's like the number 50 killer or something. So it's certainly in the top 500. I'll tell you that right now. That's why we should put every single penny raised for medicine into AIDS, because it's certainly in the top couple hundred of diseases that kill, even though it may be the only one that's preventable in terms of not getting it through being a junkie or having sex with guys or anything like that. But let's not focus on that. Let's put every extra penny into it. All right? That's right. AIDS is bad. Maria?

1:17:33 Drew The young female in African American and Hispanic, the most rapidly-

1:17:38 Adam No, don't worry. Darwin will take care of all of it. Don't you worry.

1:17:42 Drew How do you figure?

1:17:44 Adam He'll straighten it all out. Don't worry. Maria?

1:17:48 Caller Yeah.

1:17:49 Adam What's up? You're 16.

1:17:51 Caller Yeah. I have a 19-year-old boyfriend who is about 100 miles away from me, and I can't see him very often.

1:17:59 Adam You're so in love that you want to sing? I felt the song coming on, didn't you, Drew? No. No. Yeah?

1:18:09 Caller No.

1:18:11 Adam Yeah. He's 100 miles away. He's 19 years old.

1:18:13 Drew And?

1:18:14 Caller And I've cheated on him seven times.

1:18:17 Adam Seven times?

1:18:18 Caller With a guy that was around the block for me.

1:18:20 Drew What does cheating mean?

1:18:21 Caller Huh?

1:18:22 Drew What does cheating mean to you?

1:18:26 Caller I've messed around with him. I'm a virgin, but I've given him head and he's eaten me out. And we go...

1:18:33 Adam The eating out is as bad as the finger banging. Drew, what would you rather happen to your daughter, the eat out or the finger bang? Oh my God. At least eating out, you could mistake for something else. My boyfriend, we ate out. That's nice, honey. Would you go Chinese? Chinese? Oh, he's German.

1:18:57 Drew You there?

1:18:58 Adam No.

1:18:58 Drew She's gone?

1:18:59 Adam Put her on hold? Maria?

1:19:02 Caller I'm here.

1:19:02 Adam Yeah, why don't you break up with your boyfriend who's 100 miles away. He's 19 years old.

1:19:07 Caller Okay.

1:19:08 Adam All right. You sound like you're very much in love, but-

1:19:11 Drew It's not working.

1:19:11 Adam It's not working out. Okay. Any problems other than that?

1:19:19 Caller My parents trying to keep me home all the time.

1:19:21 Adam Trying to keep you home?

1:19:23 Caller Yeah.

1:19:23 Adam Where's your dad? Is he there?

1:19:25 Caller He's in his bed sleeping.

1:19:28 Adam He's in his bed. Is his bed in prison or is it in the house?

1:19:32 Caller Huh?

1:19:33 Adam Your parents are still together?

1:19:36 Drew We're not going to get anywhere.

1:19:37 Caller It's my dad and his new wife.

1:19:39 Adam Oh, that's more like it.

1:19:40 Drew Where's your real mom? In Washington. Why did you move in with your dad?

1:19:47 Caller Because my mom is abusive.

1:19:49 Adam Oh, now we're getting somewhere. What kind of abusive?

1:19:56 Caller Um, nothing sexual.

1:19:58 Drew It's just, like, physical and emotional.

1:20:01 Caller Yeah.

1:20:02 Adam And how long has that been? Did that go on? When did you get away from her?

1:20:07 Caller I'm, like, fourth grade.

1:20:11 Adam Fourth grade. So, and it was going on before that. Wow.

1:20:14 Caller Yeah.

1:20:15 Adam All right, baby. Hey, Maria, don't get pregnant. Don't get pregnant. That's your number one. I don't care about finishing high school or going to college. Don't get pregnant. Then, if you, it's like, don't get pregnant, and then we'll work on the other stuff. You can go anywhere from there. You can get a job, you can go off to college, and just don't get pregnant. She had that pregnant thing in her voice. Man, that's effed up.

1:20:43 Drew The baby's gonna solve everything for me.

1:20:45 Adam Mom, I'll tell you, mom being abusive, it's sort of rare, but when mom gets abusive, that's gotta really freak a kid out.

1:20:53 Drew It's a heavy hit.

1:20:54 Adam Yeah. Dad is like, you almost expect it. I think in generations to come, they'll just expect that. You know what I'm saying?

1:21:04 Drew Well, they won't even any longer have the term abusive dad. It'll just be dad.

1:21:08 Adam It'll just be dad, right. It'll be implied that he's abusing them. Right. Okay. Drew, are you blocking something there? What are you doing? Okay, please. Andy?

1:21:17 Yeah?

1:21:18 Adam You're 17.

1:21:19 Caller Hey, I've got a problem with my girlfriend. All right. We've been together for six months now. And I found out like two months ago that she was an infomaniac. What does that mean?

1:21:35 Drew What does that mean to you?

1:21:36 Caller That she needs to have a lot more sex to be pleasured.

1:21:43 Adam All right.

1:21:44 Caller Yeah, correct.

1:21:45 Drew Well, there's no such term any longer, but that's well, I understand what you're describing.

1:21:49 Adam The guy's in high school, and this is how I this is how the kids talk today.

1:21:55 Drew Is it that she's never satisfied?

1:21:57 Caller Well, it's just once in a blue moon that she can really just like lay back and she back.

1:22:04 Adam Is she is she scaring you a little bit? Yeah. Does she scare you because you feel like where's this coming from? Is she a little bit whacked out?

1:22:13 Caller Well, I think she's got something wrong with her psychologically.

1:22:17 Caller I don't know.

1:22:18 Caller But it's hurting me physically too because my penis doesn't get fully wrecked as quick or as long as it used to. I don't know what that's all about.

1:22:33 Adam Well, now hold on a second. You didn't wear, your penis is like a truck tire, like a brand new truck tire. You don't wear that thing out and three trips around the block.

1:22:44 Drew Well, it might be sort of depleted.

1:22:46 Adam No, 17-year-old penis?

1:22:49 Drew Never depleted?

1:22:50 Adam I could slam my penis in the door when I was 17 and just look at me. Is that all you got? That's what it would say. Is that it?

1:22:57 Drew But it may be sort of run dry, you know what I'm saying?

1:23:00 Adam No, I think he's freaked out by her and that's why the penis isn't cooperating.

1:23:07 Drew That could be.

1:23:07 Adam And I think he's listened to the show before and he probably, she's spooking him a little. You get the feeling maybe because of her background or her family or something that she may have had a little trouble and she may not be psychologically fit.

1:23:25 Caller Well, I don't know. She's been to counseling.

1:23:28 Adam Yeah.

1:23:29 Drew All right, what can we do for you? What are you looking for from us?

1:23:32 Caller I just need to know what I can do. I don't want to break up with her.

1:23:34 Adam Well, okay, then you set limits.

1:23:36 Drew Yeah, you set down limits.

1:23:37 Adam Because if she's getting a little out of control, then you gotta set limits.

1:23:41 Drew And if she starts freaking out, if she gets anxious or nervous or fearful that you're going to leave or saying that you don't love her, you just gotta sit there with that.

1:23:49 Adam You do what I do with the ladies. First off, you can only perform oral sex on me. That's my first declaration. I make that right up front at the first date. Before the salad comes. I don't know if you're one of those nymphomaniacs. I don't want to know, quite frankly. So here are the ground rules. You perform constant oral sex on me, and that's it. Right?

1:24:13 Drew Whatever you say.

1:24:15 Adam Thank you. Put that on a cart there, would you? And then things never spin out of control. Never even find out. And no talking! Ann?

1:24:27 Yes?

1:24:28 Adam You're 35?

1:24:29 Caller Yes.

1:24:30 Adam Do you have some insight as to why gay men want to become women?

1:24:34 Caller Well, not why they want to. See, I don't think they want to look like women. I don't think that's why they're...

1:24:41 Adam They don't necessarily want to look like them. They just want to become them.

1:24:45 Caller Well, I see what you're saying with the shaving of the body hair and all that sort of thing. But I think that they realize that men are visual, obviously, because they're men. And if they're gay, then they want to be perfect.

1:25:01 Drew Interesting theory.

1:25:01 Caller And impress other men.

1:25:04 Adam Yeah. That is true. I mean, and that is a very good point. And what Ann is saying is women go through a ton of trouble to make themselves attractive for men, painting nails, plastic surgery, breast augmentation, plucking things and putting makeup on and this, that, and the other. Because otherwise, it's all an attempt to attract the male species. Well, if you're going to go gay, you got to attract men too. And therefore, you maybe, you do a little less plucking, but a little more, a little more weight lifting. Exactly. Gay men live at the gym. And this is what drives women insane. Guy with skin so shiny it winks at you, because he exfoliates every 20 minutes. You know, these guys, you know, these guys, they're blemish free. When's the last time we saw a gay guy with bad skin? Hell no. These guys are having peels and scrubs. They, you know, they live at the dermatologist's office. And then when they're not working on their skin, they're at the gym.

1:26:07 Caller Yeah, that's all they do. They're obsessed and they have that walk, like they've just worked out.

1:26:13 Adam Well, that walk is the one that says, I just had a broomstick in my ass. That's the walk. You get the broomstick in your ass, you walk that way too.

1:26:22 Caller Well, if I want advice about working out or whatever, I'll go to my gay male friends and they'll tell me all I need to know.

1:26:30 Adam Oh, yeah. They're geniuses. All they do is read those magazines and go to the gym.

1:26:35 Drew Thanks, Ann.

1:26:36 Caller You're welcome.

1:26:36 Adam All right. Well, Ann has an eerie handle on the gay lifestyle. Lord knows what her story is, but she understands that. And as I've said many times, I enjoy the gays. They're great individuals. They're not troublemakers as far as society. I take society, I break it into two halves. Troublemaker and non-troublemaker.

1:26:59 Drew I thought it was people that cost you money versus not.

1:27:01 Adam There you go.

1:27:02 Drew That's the troublemaker.

1:27:03 Adam Those are the troublemakers, the ones that are costing me money.

1:27:05 Drew I see.

1:27:06 Adam Gays, they don't cost me anything. They don't reproduce. They all hold down jobs as two income families. And Lord knows, they recycle. They're very civically minded. They keep their lawns are mowed and their kids are not in counseling or incarcerated because they have none. That's why I love the gays so much.

1:27:30 Drew Congratulations, Adam.

1:27:31 Adam All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. And boy, do they really, there's a model, those gays, for all those communities are always talking about, oh, we got to funnel black dollars into black communities or Hispanic dollars into Hispanic communities. All you screwballs out there that are always talking about like seceding, you know, and start in your own community, which by the way never seems to work out, but keep trying anyway. Do what the gays do. They got that worked out, man. They patronize the gay bars, the gay restaurants, the gay clubs, everything gay. And man, they're all rich because of it. And they're laughing and limping all the way to the bank.

1:28:16 Drew You're hell bent on alienating everybody tonight.

1:28:19 Adam It's true though. Am I right?

1:28:21 Drew Yes, you're hell bent on alienating.

1:28:22 Adam No, it is true what I say about the gays as opposed to these other communities.

1:28:26 Drew They're very industrious.

1:28:27 Adam When's the last time the gays got out of hand and like burnt down their own Santa Monica Boulevard? Could you imagine? No. Do gays loot? No. No, they take care of themselves. They're too busy having sex. All right. All right.

1:28:43 Drew Here we go.

1:28:43 Adam Take a little break. We'll be back.

1:28:50 Caller We'll be right back with more Love Line.

1:29:20 Adam All right. Wow. Drew and I were really having a good hoot during the commercial break over there, really exploring about the women and gay men, and how they're trying to. Drew was saying that he was walking through Victoria's Secret the other day, looking at some of the tons of funds that we're trying on the camisoles. And let me give you, let me give the ladies, let me give you a hint. I'm telling you, I could dry up the entire lingerie business. I really could if people would just listen to me. Ladies, men not interested in lingerie. Now, here's how Victoria's Secret makes you think men are interested in lingerie. They take Elmick Fiersen and Cindy Crawford and Tyra Banks, and they put them in lingerie, and then they walk them up and down a long runway so we can watch them. Now, that makes us not interested in lingerie. That's us interested in Tyra Banks or in Elmick Fiersen or whoever happens to be in the lingerie. But if I was in my bedroom and Tyra Banks or Elmick Fiersen walked into my bedroom with the lingerie, I would tear it off of them and burn it and have sex with them. I would not be interested in seeing them in the lingerie for anything longer than... Every second I looked at them in the lingerie I think would be cutting into my valuable sex time with them. And that's them in lingerie. You add 45 pounds, a goiter and some dimples on the ass and I really don't... It's like, shut the light and hope I don't sober up. Let's get it on. Lingerie, guys are not interested in lingerie. Yes, we like to see the Victoria Secret catalog because we like to see the women in it. But I guarantee it would be more popular if they were naked. So how do you explain the lingerie factoring in? Do me a favor. I swear to God, if they had the Victoria Secret catalog, all the Victoria Secret models, except they were nude, what do you think be a bigger seller? The lingerie one or the nude one? As far as guys go. Of course. It's a recoculus. Listen, you women, stop wasting time with that lingerie. It's a billion dollar a year industry that no one's really interested in. It really isn't. They're really not. Guys just aren't. All right, where are we? Jake? Yeah. You're 18.

1:31:58 Caller Yeah.

1:31:59 Adam What's going on?

1:32:01 Caller Here's my question. A few months ago, me and this girl were together, and we were both having oral sex, pleasing each other, and she got mononucleosis. My question is, can mononucleosis be transmitted through having oral sex both ways? Because I know that it can be through kissing, but we stopped having oral sex because we weren't sure.

1:32:26 Adam Don't they call it the blowing disease?

1:32:28 Drew I mean, that she could, listen, any body fluid, body fluid contact. It was, to call it the kissing disease in 1999 is sort of quaint. It hasn't caught up with what 14-year-olds are into now.

1:32:40 Adam And it's not called the raping disease. Hey, Jake, so you can get it that way.

1:32:45 Caller You can?

1:32:46 Adam Yeah.

1:32:46 Drew Fluid contact.

1:32:47 Adam What's el Camino mean? The mountain, or the ridge, or the valley, or the...

1:32:52 Caller I think it means the road. That's what I remember.

1:32:53 Adam Oh, the road, yeah.

1:32:54 Caller My high school years.

1:32:55 Adam That's great. Yeah, that's another weird thing, you know. Why name your high school the road?

1:33:00 Drew Or the car.

1:33:01 Adam Why name... Well, the car's on the road.

1:33:04 Caller It doesn't make any sense to me.

1:33:05 Adam Yeah, but it's like...

1:33:05 Drew The road to higher education.

1:33:08 Adam All right. But then there's like streets named el Camino, too. You know, it's weird about...

1:33:13 Drew They are, though.

1:33:14 Adam It's weird about Mexico. Everything is, you know, casa de something, casa, casa, casa, casa. In Mexico, I mean, it would be like you putting house in front of everything. You know, every sign, every, every pool hall, every, every restaurant just said house.

1:33:30 Drew It's kind of like in French, though, the Chez notion, the C-H-E-Z.

1:33:34 Adam You just, you stop paying attention to it or something?

1:33:36 Drew It's like place of.

1:33:38 Adam All right. Susan?

1:33:39 Caller Yes.

1:33:39 Adam You're 26?

1:33:41 Caller Yes.

1:33:42 Adam You lost your virginity three months ago?

1:33:44 Caller Yep.

1:33:44 Adam No. What's wrong with you?

1:33:47 Caller I'm not with a guy anymore.

1:33:48 Adam Were you, were you, were you religious fanatic?

1:33:51 Caller No, no.

1:33:52 Caller Just started late and.

1:33:53 Adam Horribly overweight?

1:33:55 Caller No.

1:33:55 Drew You're fat.

1:33:57 Adam Please, please, Drew.

1:33:58 Caller No, I'm 120.

1:34:00 Adam 120.

1:34:00 Caller I'm 7.

1:34:02 Adam 5'7, 120. And you've hung on to your virginity for 26 years?

1:34:06 Caller I just haven't found the right guy.

1:34:08 Adam No. What's up?

1:34:10 Caller Come on.

1:34:11 Caller I need to grow up. I need to like learn how to get over the guilt that's getting to me.

1:34:15 Adam What guilt? Why guilt?

1:34:18 Caller Guilt that is not here anymore.

1:34:21 Drew Yeah, but who's making you, where is that guilt coming from? Who led you to believe you're a bad person if you were sexually active? Where did you learn that?

1:34:33 Adam All right. Hey, Susan, we don't have time even if you were talking, but you're not. No, we really don't have time. So listen, look into why, where all this guilt comes from, your parents, religion, whatever it is, there's your answer. Don't worry about the guy. Look into what's causing it. And it's not the guy, okay? All right. There you go. Thank you. We'll be back.

1:34:57 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:35:00 Adam Well, it's worth hearing.

1:35:15 Caller Well, now, this has been Loveline. The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors, or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Wednesday, December 29, 1999