Episode 1000754887527

1:34 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:37 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:41 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:43 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:45 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:47 Voiceover Loveline.

1:49 Voiceover Yep, hey, phone number for Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist and tonight we have a vivid adult film actress, Kobe Tai, in here. Kobe is 5'3 and 90 pounds, which I like because it makes my penis look bigger. You know what I mean? I mean, seriously, if you're with a woman who's 5'9 and 1'45, then your 6-inch, 9-ounce penis gets reduced to 4.5 inches, 5 ounces. But if that woman gets shrunk, then your penis grows. Do you understand? And that's why I like Kobe.

2:51 Drew That's why you keep that snow globe with the village.

2:53 Adam That's right, so that my penis can actually crush an entire village. Also sometimes we'll lie on the, on the, Drew, I've told you this, I will lie out on my lawn, hold my penis up when a 747 flies by going into Burbank Airport and obscure the entire plane. Therefore using the logic that my penis is larger than a 747 because my penis has obscured the entire 747.

3:20 Drew From your vision, yes.

3:22 Adam Well, that's all.

3:23 Kobe Tai I bet your neighbors love that.

3:24 Adam Oh, yes. They're big fans of my penis. All right. So Kobe has been in, oh boy, Lotus, Lethal Affair, Ancient Asian Sex Secrets. I love that.

3:39 Kobe Tai Title self-explanatory.

3:40 Adam Let me tell you, I love the Asians in the porn. I think the Asians were made for porn. That's my take on it because what do you need? I'll tell you the three or four things you need for porn to make a good porn star. You need tan skin because lily white skin does not hold up with the lighting in the video. The Asians have that. You have the lack of hair. They're not hairy people, the Asians. No hair on them. Look at that. Look at Kobe. Nothing there. Drew has slightly less hair, but Drew's a freak. No hair, dark skin, enthusiasm. The Asians, they're pretty reserved folks in general, but they cut loose when it comes to sex. They're all pent up in their everyday life, and then they just explode. Isn't that weird? A lot of bowing and hi-i and stuff like that, and then all of a sudden, it's like, let's grind up some rhino horn and bang hookers all night. I'm going to eat some endangered species off of her crotch. What is that? So these are all good makings for Pornstar, and that's what you have. The Kobe is beautiful. We never met before, have we?

5:01 Kobe Tai No, and I've actually been dying to meet both of you for quite a while. So thank you for having me.

5:05 Oh, really?

5:06 Adam All right. So originally from Taiwan, what's the story? Chinese and Japanese? I'm reading the stat sheet here.

5:14 Kobe Tai Yep, half and half. And I was born in Taipei.

5:17 Adam And what got you into this business? Because everyone has a story.

5:22 Kobe Tai Well, I was adopted by Americans when I was five months old. My dad was a jet flyer, and he was in the Navy, and he was transferred there, and they adopted me when I was five months, so then that's how I got to America.

5:31 Adam Where was he stationed?

5:32 Kobe Tai In Taipei.

5:33 Adam Oh, he was in Taipei? He got transferred to a base in Taipei? He adopted you in Taipei?

5:40 Kobe Tai My family adopted me. My mother, sister, father adopted me when I was five months.

5:43 Drew And your biological?

5:43 Adam Were you in an orphanage or something?

5:44 Kobe Tai Biological was... Biological mother was Chinese. Biological father was Japanese.

5:48 Drew But what happened to your biological parents?

5:49 Kobe Tai He said he would marry her if she had a son, because the sons work in the fields, and there's no stem on this apple, so he went back to being a soldier, and she couldn't take me back to her parents or grandparents without a father for the baby, because you'd be disowned, lose face, and might as well commit suicide, it's like an awful thing. So she gave me up to the Catholic orphanage, because she knew that Americans adopt from Catholics, which they did.

6:08 Adam So you went to the orphanage when you were five?

6:11 Kobe Tai Mm-hmm, St. Benedictine. No, five months, five months.

6:14 Adam Oh, so you were raised in the orphanage until you were five years old?

6:18 Kobe Tai Actually, I wasn't there that long. I was five, yeah. You know, she teeter-tottered with the idea of what she was going to do.

6:23 Drew She was adopted at five months.

6:25 Adam Oh, five months. I thought it was five years.

6:26 Kobe Tai No, five months, yeah. But I did have a lot of hair, and it's funny, because my mom and dad said, I swear to God, Kobe, you could tell the difference between Americans and the Asians, because the Asians would be, yeah, whatever. And the Americans would come by, I'd be like a dog, the pound, I'd be like, hey. So I knew the difference.

6:42 Adam And you, so you were adopted at five months old from, your father, not biological father, but your adopted father, is a fighter jock, right? Where do you fly?

6:55 Kobe Tai The Jets.

6:56 Adam Which one?

6:56 Kobe Tai That's his hard hearing right now. Like dad, da-da.

6:59 Adam That's probably best. Drew wishes his dad stood around a jet engine for a while. Wouldn't have to talk to him as much. What, your mom could have got out on the tarmac too, once in a while, but it's not as good. Especially Drew's kid's party, I talked my ear off for an hour, 45 minutes, a couple of eyeballs in her. But what, what did he fly? Was he?

7:22 Kobe Tai He was a chief yeoman. And then he flew some jets and he was in the Navy 20 years.

7:27 Adam You don't know what jets he flew though. That's what I love about women.

7:30 Kobe Tai Well, you know, I see pictures, pictures with, they were gray.

7:34 Adam And he, he fly in Vietnam?

7:36 Kobe Tai No, he didn't go to Vietnam. I know that.

7:38 Adam All right. All right. So, so let's talk about, enough about the family. Let's segue into pornography. So then, so, so you, so you were adopted in Taipei.

7:49 Kobe Tai And then he got stationed to Marimar, San Diego.

7:52 Adam Right. So you moved to San Diego. And is that where you were raised?

7:56 Kobe Tai That is where I lived until I was five and a half. And then dad and mom are from the south. And that's where I moved to. That's where I grew up. That's where I went to college. And that's where they are now. Arkansas.

8:06 Adam And where did you go to college?

8:08 Kobe Tai University of Arkansas.

8:09 Adam And how the hell did you get into this sleazy business?

8:13 Kobe Tai I mean, I love this business.

8:14 Adam Yeah, but what went wrong? I mean, what happened?

8:17 Kobe Tai One would wonder, wouldn't you?

8:19 Adam Well, you never, there's always a story. I mean, maybe the adopted part is enough, but you were five months old, you know? Five months is fine.

8:27 Kobe Tai Well, I did not grow up going, wow, I want to be a porn star. No, I did not. I worked in a law office because my dad did, and I thought that's what I should do. I worked for GMAC when I was in college because I knew everything about the Smart Lease program, and they have great benefits, and they celebrate every holiday. GMAC does. I loved it.

8:46 Adam That's how you get out. They're like the Jews over there. They go to work four days out of the week.

8:51 Kobe Tai That's what it was like.

8:54 Adam And how did you get into the adult film industry? That's the question.

8:59 Kobe Tai My boyfriend in college got a job transfer to Cleveland, Ohio, and we moved to Cleveland. That was the first time I was away from my roots, and you kind of let your hair down when you do that. And so I was a nanny for a while, and then there's all these pretty girls in my apartment complex and then all these boats and seatings and I'm like, what do they do? They're my age. How could they possibly have all the time?

9:17 Adam And what city are you in at this point?

9:19 Kobe Tai Cleveland.

9:19 Adam In Cleveland?

9:20 Kobe Tai And there is a Tiffany's Cabaret in Cleveland, Ohio, ladies and gentlemen. And it's always the top five. I mean, we're talking really nice. And so I went down by word of mouth that I should go there for the people that I nannied for, no doubt. And I won amateur night, started working the next day.

9:35 Adam And how long ago was this?

9:37 Kobe Tai Oh man, this was five?

9:39 Adam Five years ago?

9:40 Kobe Tai Five and a half years ago, yeah.

9:41 Adam And how old were the kids you were nannying for?

9:43 Kobe Tai Only one, Erica. She was nine months old.

9:45 Adam Oh, I thought it was a guy. Guy'd be going insane.

9:48 Could you imagine?

9:50 Kobe Tai My nanny was going down.

9:51 Adam Can you imagine if you got hold of a porn movie with your nanny of some years, your hot Asian nanny for some years? She was your nanny from the time you were like six, the time you were 11. Now five years later, you're 16 years old, and you get hold of a porn with your hot Asian nanny. You'd be holding it up over your head. I mean, could you imagine?

10:17 Drew You thought you want to kill yourself or your parents? Why'd you let her go?

10:21 Adam Oh, well, no, I would just go into the room, lock the door, put an IV in my arm, and just yank on myself until something came off. I really would. Hey, Anderson, you know what I did tonight, Drew?

10:35 Drew I don't want to know. Did something come off?

10:37 Adam Because I knew Kobe.

10:38 Drew You fall off, you tear something off.

10:39 Adam I knew Kobe. I knew Kobe was...

10:41 Drew Do I have to get a suture material out tonight?

10:42 Kobe Tai How about these barnacles?

10:44 Adam I'm getting old. I really am.

10:46 Drew Yeah? What happened?

10:47 Adam Well, a couple of things. First off, you know, I got... I like the vintage porn. Buddy of mine...

10:52 Kobe Tai With the Atari music that they play in the background?

10:55 Adam Yeah. Buddy of mine, the Wees said, they should start a vintage porn channel. You know, that would be real good. All those movies, all that Behind the Green Door and Weekend Were Led and Deep Throat and of course, the whole Taboo series, one through 45 or however many they made. I mean, you could watch all that vintage stuff from the 70s, John Holmes and all those...

11:17 Kobe Tai Ron Jeremy.

11:18 Drew For television, they call it...

11:19 Adam Ron spans many decades.

11:20 Drew They call that TV land. What would you call it? What would your channel be called?

11:24 Adam Seamenville. But the point is, I got home, I got hold of this. I've been wanting to see Taboo II for a long time. I remember it from my youth, you know. And I got it from a guy in a band who gave it to me. And I was driving home from his house about 1230 at night. Yeah, I left the show early to go get it. It was that important. And I thought to myself, I am going to go at it maybe five, six times.

11:52 Drew I thought, you know, I was like from the Rugrats.

11:57 Adam And I started, you know, I started it on myself, you know, and I was like, all right, this is just number one, maybe six. Maybe I'll do like a baker's dozen. I'll do 13, you know. And it was like, what time is it? Jesus, I'm hungry. I got to turn in. I'm disgusted at myself. How much time did I spend thinking about this? And I went right to bed. And you know, a few years ago, I would have at least got the hat trick off, but not anymore. Not at the ripe old age of 35.

12:27 Drew Before you got disgusted too.

12:30 Adam Come on, what are you doing with your life, man? All right, so Anderson, you got that tape yet? I got, I taped the theme song from Taboo II today, and I want you just to dig on this. This is what I have to endure.

13:01 Drew Set the scene, what's actually happening?

13:02 Adam There's no sex here, they're just walking.

13:06 Listen.

13:06 Some of Karen Carpenter.

13:10 Oh yes he does. Just listen to the lyrics.

13:18 Adam No, you're wrong.

13:49 He's singing about guys banging his sister.

13:57 Drew Why would we ever leave Besit a Decade that produced crap like that? Really.

14:01 Adam I don't know, but she, I recorded that. Now, see, it's off a bad tape, but what you're hearing is cars going by because it was a scene where they were leaving their high school and the two girls were walking out front of some high school. There's like high school kids standing around. They're in a porn movie. You have no idea they're in a porn movie. But the point is, she's singing about this guy and this guy is banging his sister and his mom, you know?

14:28 He's got it all.

14:30 Yes, he does.

14:35 Adam We may have to hear that again later in the show. That is a hot song. Can you picture the woman who cut that in like 1978 thinking, this is my big break, you know what I mean? She was like a young Joan Baez, right? And she's thinking, first this, then I start scoring Oscar caliber movies. I mean, this is just... Sitting in a...

15:01 Drew Me and Bert Bacharach.

15:02 Adam Sitting in a recording studio with bad wood paneling in 1978, listening to this on playback, and a bunch of people nodding their heads, really come together.

15:12 Drew Really, it's kind of...

15:12 Adam Sounding good.

15:13 Drew It's kind of that scene from Boogie Nights, where the guys produce their own record.

15:17 Right.

15:17 Adam Remember that? It's a little departure from your normal porn soundtrack, but I wish you'd get back to a more acoustic, more of a...

15:26 Drew Karen Carpenter.

15:27 Yeah, I agree with Kobe.

15:28 That was good.

15:30 Adam Oh, Kobe, this is great. I have some of your movies here to bring home, right?

15:34 Kobe Tai Yes, you do.

15:35 Adam Oh, that's great.

15:35 Kobe Tai Oh, yes.

15:36 Adam I'll tell you, there's that. That is the best part.

15:38 Drew Shall I bring a searcher set tomorrow?

15:41 Adam You're going to have to sew my penis back on. All right, so what do we plug in here, Kobe, before we get to the vividvideo.com?

15:48 Kobe Tai Yes, that's Vivid's website and-

15:49 Adam What would they find on that?

15:51 Kobe Tai Actually, Vivid has a great selection of different girls. I believe there are nine of us and we've got your blondes, we've got your Asians, we've got your brunettes, you name it, we've got it. And they're great girls. They're a lot of fun and you can find out about each one of us on vividvideo.com. And then there's my own website, www.kobetai.com. And that is pretty self-explanatory.

16:14 Adam Oh, and you were the crazy call girl in Very Bad Things.

16:18 Kobe Tai Yes, I was.

16:19 Adam You were the one they killed, right?

16:21 Kobe Tai I was the bad thing.

16:22 Adam Yeah, you didn't see that. It was way out there, that movie, but it was kind of cool.

16:28 Kobe Tai I loved it.

16:29 Adam And Kobe had a nice part in it. I mean, she had the back of her skull mashed, just run through with a robe hanger on the back of a door, but.

16:40 Kobe Tai What a way to go, huh, having sex?

16:41 Adam Yeah, but that's kind of cool.

16:43 Kobe Tai I had a lot of fun doing that, definitely.

16:45 Adam All right. Can we hear the theme of Taboo II again?

16:49 He's got it all.

16:51 Drew You can listen during the break. You can sit in the booth and just listen and relive your youth. Doesn't it?

16:57 Adam Kelly?

16:59 Drew Yeah.

16:59 Adam You're 16?

17:00 Drew Yes, I am.

17:01 Adam Yeah.

17:03 Well, first of all, I want to say that, Adam, you rock and I admire you a lot.

17:06 Drew I admire him.

17:07 Adam Sure.

17:07 For what?

17:09 Drew I'm a role model.

17:09 What do you admire?

17:10 Just him. He's really funny and he gets his, like, pings across and his points and I don't know.

17:16 Drew Okay.

17:17 And also, Drew, I find you very, like, intelligent and I think that you do a very good job.

17:21 Drew Well, thank you. What's going on?

17:23 Basically, like, a couple of days ago, like, on Sunday night, I had my boyfriend over and two friends of mine, and basically me and my boyfriend started fooling around in my room, and the friends were outside just watching TV in the living room. And then the next thing I knew was that they, like, knocked, but they came in right after they knocked, and they walked on me doing stuff with him. And they kind of, like, they're now ignoring me and not talking to me. And I don't know if there's-

17:46 Drew The friends, are these male friends?

17:48 No, it's a girl.

17:49 Drew They're sort of giving you a cold shoulder now.

17:51 Yes. And I don't know whether it's because of what they saw or because-

17:55 Adam What were you doing?

17:57 Well, basically, he was going down on me, and, like, he was just deciding to be really, like, well, he was just sticking things in.

18:05 Adam It was what?

18:06 Kobe Tai Things?

18:07 Well, he had a marker that was just, like, it was just, like, a marker lying around, and he, like, decided, he was like, can I try that?

18:13 Drew Do you guys think that, do you think that your friends are real embarrassed, or did you share some sort of-

18:18 Adam Did he draw a mustache on you?

18:20 No, because when I came out to the living room, I kind of sat quiet, and I was like, hey, can I have the remote? They're like, sure, just don't mind us. And then they kind of, like, we'll see you around, and they kind of like left. But like they stuck around for a couple of minutes, but then they left, and ever since, like, I try to call one of them.

18:36 Adam Are they virgins?

18:37 Kobe Tai Yes. That's probably what it is.

18:39 Adam Maybe they were a little bit freaked out.

18:40 Drew Yeah, they freaked out. Or have you guys always sort of shared some sort of philosophy that you wouldn't do this, or that you don't agree that this would be something you wouldn't be doing till you're older, something like that, that you shared with them?

18:51 I don't know. You see, I told them that me and him do stuff, but they kind of like, they find him attractive somewhat. You know, they're like, yeah, he's really...

18:57 Drew You think they're envious or jealous?

18:59 That's what I'm thinking. I don't know whether or what to think.

19:01 Adam Only he could shove a marker up me. They're probably thinking.

19:06 No.

19:06 Drew Is that the balloon over your head?

19:08 Yeah.

19:09 Kobe Tai I see the arrows.

19:10 Adam For me, it's a box of crayons, but that's me.

19:14 Drew All right, Kelly, look, we can't really reach into their minds and figure out what their problem is. If they're your friends, you keep reaching out to them, they'll connect. But they're probably just embarrassed and freaked out.

19:25 Adam I'll give Kobe my number two pencil later. You know what I'm saying?

19:30 Drew After we sew it back on?

19:31 Kobe Tai You don't have the kindergartener pencils, the real fat ones?

19:34 Adam No, no, unfortunately not. I have the ones they give you when you play miniature golf. You know, they have a big bucket. You reach in and grab a handful. Those little ones you have to like scrape on the cement to get sharp. Yeah, the ones you keep score on a golf card with.

19:53 Yeah.

19:55 Adam Mike, Michelle?

19:57 Yeah.

19:57 Adam You're 17.

20:00 Caller Yeah, I don't want to say.

20:02 You got to like stay off the porn. That is too funny. I mean, you are a grown man, obsessed with like something from, what was it, 1979?

20:09 Drew It was his childhood. He's obsessed. What does he ever, does he talk about anything else in the show about his childhood? Does it surprise you that he'd be stuck on the things he watched back then?

20:19 Kobe Tai He's a child in a grown man's body.

20:21 That's like way too funny. Oh my God.

20:24 Adam Yeah, let's hear a little more thing.

20:27 Come on, just a little more. Let's just dig on this.

20:30 Adam Come on. He knows how to please in every detail.

20:34 Caller Are you listening to this?

20:36 Oh, come on.

20:37 Drew Michelle, Michelle, what's going on?

20:38 Caller Oh my God. Okay, well.

20:40 Adam He knows how to please in every detail. People don't write songs like that anymore.

20:47 Drew See, they don't. Michelle?

20:49 Caller Calm down, Adam. But okay, I just want to say, first of all, I called a while ago, like a month and a half ago or so, and I talked to you about, I was getting my mom arrested and stuff, and you guys were like, well, drop the charges. I just want you to know that I did, but I still got her son kicked out of school from my school.

21:06 Drew Her son?

21:07 Adam I don't remember this call. You're getting your mom arrested?

21:10 Caller Stepmom.

21:12 Adam Yeah, what for?

21:13 Caller Well, because her son tried to rape me, but she came in, and all she said was that she was going to throw him, but that's it.

21:21 Drew Right, right, right, right, right. Okay, good.

21:23 Caller And, well, yeah, I just wanted to drop the charges, but yeah.

21:28 Adam And how old is he?

21:30 Caller He was 19. And, all right. But, okay, my question right now is, like, what's the major effect of steroids? Because I'm not on the cross-country team, and everybody on there takes it, and the coach only lets the seniors take it. I mean, we all know it's illegal and everything, but I just...

21:49 Kobe Tai Okay, for a girl, it's a very bad idea.

21:51 Drew Your coach should be arrested. Steroids or Anderstein Dione?

21:55 Caller Their what?

21:56 Drew Steroids or Anderstein Dione? You mean, like, Dianaba, DECA and that kind of thing?

22:00 Caller Yeah. Yeah, we know it's illegal. No one says anything.

22:03 Drew It's not Anderstein Dione. You're not talking about the stuff you get at a health food store.

22:07 Caller No.

22:08 Adam See, you're not talking about steroids, like steroids that you would inject or take in a pill. I mean, you're not talking about, you know, NFL pro wrestling steroids, are you?

22:17 Caller Well, I know they're illegal. That's what I'm talking about. They're pills. You pop them or you can inject them in you.

22:22 Kobe Tai Well, as a woman, it can make your voice lower, it can make your clitoris huge, almost like a penis.

22:28 Drew Yes, it can make your jaw and your face.

22:31 Kobe Tai Yeah, make your atoms outperject and people will know.

22:34 Drew Permanently, grow hair on your face, you can lose your breasts.

22:38 Adam Stereoids on the girls cross country team, for Christ's sake?

22:42 Drew The cosmetic aspects are the best thing that can happen to you. The worst thing, stroke, heart disease, liver failure, kidney failure. Your coach should be arrested.

22:50 Kobe Tai Yeah.

22:51 Drew Seriously, this is scandalous.

22:52 Adam Anderson, let's get some theme music underneath Drew when he's talking about this, please.

22:58 Drew Michelle, this is scandalous. This is the, this is sort of.

23:02 Adam No, no, I'm talking about real things.

23:04 Drew To me, this is national level news that a coach knowingly allows his players, females, to be on steroids. It is profoundly dangerous and potentially life threatening. Never meant to be used on healthy people. High blood pressure. You know, look back on the bodybuilders of the last 20, 30 years. Not a lot of them live into their 60s. Just check that out.

23:26 Caller But you don't.

23:28 Drew And I personally have seen, in addition to the end organ, the organ difficulties, depressions, suicide, manic episodes.

23:37 Kobe Tai People don't want to be around you because of your mood swings.

23:40 Drew And cosmetically, it would be a mess. And I guess that's what she's hearing, so. Okay.

23:45 Adam We're going to take a little break. Kobe Tai is here. She is a, she's just a, she's built like a burlap sack full of bobcats. I'll tell you what. She's 5'3, she's 90 pounds, and she'll add 3 pounds to any penis. We'll talk to her. She's a really beautiful Asian woman. I mean, just a knockout. So we'll get to her and we'll hear more theme music from my 1979 movie, Taboo II, after this. In the yellow, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew, adult film star, Kobe Tai's here, and I know it's radio, so I should describe her. Just flawless and beautiful. Beautiful Asian woman and petite. I like that. I really do. You know, a lot of guys, they get into that, they want someone who's six foot and looks like some kind of runway model. That ain't, I like a petite woman. I like the woman to be a woman. You know what I mean? Makes me feel like more man.

25:23 Caller Right?

25:27 Drew And we are going to drop ass before you know what I started with.

25:31 Adam I feel like I'm like I'm in a mushroom flashback or something. But Kobe and I are going to sing the theme from Taboo II before the night is true. I can tell you that right now. And Lisa, I mean, you're going to have to transcribe the lyrics so that Kobe and I can have a lyric sheet because I know, you know, about half of them, but I know Kobe doesn't. And I think the song is starting to grow on Drew.

26:01 Kobe Tai It is. I see the head bopping.

26:04 Drew I'm into it.

26:04 Adam I'm really going to belt this one out.

26:06 Drew And if it... Promise me, though, last quarter hour, last hour of the show.

26:11 Adam Maybe not. No, no, no. Please, please, please, please. Not too far, not too long for now. We'll do it twice. Oh, here's the thing. Kobe, if this works out, we may head into the studio.

26:22 Kobe Tai Oh, we're going on the road, I'm telling you. I see headlines.

26:24 Drew Like I said, remember that scene from Boogie Nights? I'm having a flashback to that.

26:30 Adam Dina?

26:30 Mystery of life, at last I found you.

26:34 Drew Where did that come from?

26:35 Adam I don't know, is that me? Dina?

26:38 Caller Hello?

26:38 Adam Year 20?

26:40 Caller Yeah, my name is Dianna, though.

26:42 Adam Oh, Dianna.

26:42 Caller Dianna.

26:43 Drew Do you still have that drop from Andy Dick last night?

26:45 Caller It's close enough.

26:47 Adam What's up there, Dianna?

26:49 Jesus Christ in heaven!

26:51 Caller I'm a first time caller, a long time listener, and like, okay, I've been with the same guy for like three years, and like, the sex was pretty good and stuff, and like, I don't know, he's never really been able to like have an orgasm, and then like, about a couple of months ago, he started, he told me that like, because like we got into an argument about it, and he told me that like, he'd be able to have an orgasm if he was like, you know, could pull my hair a little bit. So I was like, oh well, you know, whatever. And so I was like, you know, if it makes you feel better. And so, you know, he did, and like, you know, he had an orgasm. And then like, it just gets like more and more extreme. And I just like, want to know, when's it going to end? Or like, what should I do?

27:41 Drew Well, a true fetish is when somebody is dependent on these sorts of distractions in order to function sexually. So he really is a true fetishist, in that he can't do it any other way.

27:53 Kobe Tai Does it bother you?

27:54 Caller Well, like, at first no, but like, then he like, now he wants to like, spank me and stuff.

28:00 Drew Usually it starts to bother a partner, because it feels like it's taking the person further away from you. It's like, not establishing intimacy, it's sort of getting in the way of it. Which, in fact, that's what it's designed to do, is to distract the person from having an emotional connection. Because real connection is associated with painful feelings.

28:16 Adam Diana, you had sex with this guy for three years, and he didn't have an orgasm?

28:21 Caller Nuh-uh. And we started to fight over it, because...

28:24 Adam Three years?

28:25 Caller Yeah, well, for the past... Well, the first two and a half years, no orgasm. And then these last six months... Another feature of fetish.

28:35 Drew And now he's okay. We got that part. Another feature of fetish is people are usually ashamed of it.

28:39 Caller And he's not willing to come out on that. For the first two and a half years, it was nothing, and we used to fight about it. Because I felt like I could please him and thought maybe he was getting it somewhere else.

28:50 Adam Deanna, I'm going to keep my fingers crossed here and ask you if you have any kids.

28:54 Caller No.

28:55 Adam Thank God.

28:56 Caller No kids.

28:57 Adam What do you do for a living, Deanna?

29:00 Caller I'm a student. I'm going to college.

29:02 Adam I smell some junior in that college. Is there such thing as junior, junior college? Because that's what I'm smelling on you.

29:09 Caller Junior college.

29:10 Adam Just junior college?

29:11 Caller Yeah.

29:11 Adam But there's no subset of junior, junior, junior college?

29:16 Caller I hope not.

29:17 Adam No. Okay.

29:19 Drew Junior college, the third.

29:22 Adam There's no junior college, the second or third?

29:26 Kobe Tai No.

29:26 Caller All right.

29:27 Adam What are you studying?

29:28 Caller I want to be a nurse.

29:30 Adam Okay. Pay close attention in class. If you haven't graduated in seven years, I want you to remove yourself gracefully from the campus. Okay?

29:39 Caller Okay.

29:39 Adam I do not get pregnant from this guy.

29:42 Caller Okay.

29:43 Adam Do whatever Drew said to do. What did you say to do, Drew?

29:46 Drew I didn't say to do anything. I'm just saying that you're in to something.

29:48 Adam I don't trust him.

29:49 Drew Well, he's got some stuff going on, and it's not going to change, not without a lot of treatment. In a way, they were better off before with him not orgasming, but at least being present in the-

29:57 Adam Oh, she would have had six abortions and nine kids by now, if this guy was orgasming. That's weird. I was thinking to myself, I can usually tell in women's voices, the ones that either are pregnant or should be pregnant or have kids. I was getting like half kids in Indiana. And then once in a while, I'm confused and then it turns out that like, they're like, oh, my uterus exploded when I was 11. You know, and I go, oh, okay. All right. Now it makes sense again. I never thought about that, but she's been with a guy who hasn't been, I'll have an orgasm for three years. Okay.

30:32 Drew Do not get pregnant. She obviously has some real co-dependencies. She can be a nurse and stuff.

30:37 Adam Do not trust the nurses.

30:38 Drew Alcoholic dad and all that.

30:40 Adam Learning to work in a doctor's world. Josh, you remember that commercial?

30:45 Drew Oh, God, I was watching the emergency with my kids tonight.

30:47 Adam Oh, man.

30:48 Drew Man, the 70s were a good time for doctors. Doctors were the doctors, nurses were the nurses.

30:53 Adam That's right.

30:54 Drew It was very different then.

30:55 Adam There wasn't any smart-ass, gay dude nurses either running around wearing the same outfits.

31:00 Drew Firemen weren't pissed off at you. They just listened to whatever you told them to do.

31:04 Adam Yeah, I like that the nurses back in the day wore nurse outfits. And hats. And they wore white tights and little... The cardboard hats. Kind of hats that you had to clip on, too. They looked like waitresses from DuPars. I like that.

31:22 Drew It was a different time.

31:23 Adam Now everyone's go. We're all the same. Josh?

31:26 Yeah, I'm ready.

31:27 Adam All right. What's up? You're 20?

31:29 Caller Yeah, I'm 20. Let me see here. Like, I've been going out with this girl for like about three months now. And basically, we've hardly done anything. And I think that we probably should have by now. Like, just go along the normal course of relationship. And I would like more stuff to happen. But I don't know how to tell her what I should do.

31:47 Drew Is she 20 also?

31:49 Caller Yeah. Yeah, she's 20.

31:50 Adam Are you a virgin?

31:51 Caller No.

31:52 Drew Is she? Is she?

31:55 Caller Oh, is she? Yeah, she's a virgin, yeah.

31:58 Adam You sure about that, Josh?

31:59 Caller I mean, how?

32:00 Caller No, yeah, wait, huh?

32:03 Adam How many times, you know, someone like said to a girl you're dating, is she a virgin? Huh? No. I mean, yeah, no. Uh-huh. I mean, what's going on? Are you watching TV and doing a bong load while you're talking? I mean, how? You know what I'm saying? It's like saying, you have a dog, yeah, you've had it for five years, yeah. Is it neutered? Huh? No. I mean, yeah.

32:28 Caller What?

32:29 Adam How does that work? Only our callers can do that. Josh, are you sewing right now?

32:35 Caller No.

32:35 Drew Knitting.

32:36 Adam What are you doing?

32:37 Caller I'm my bed. I was going to fall asleep, but I figured I'd call you guys.

32:40 Adam Do you smoke a lot of weed?

32:42 Drew No. I don't get that at all.

32:43 Adam Okay. Well, pay attention then. You have no excuse. All right. So no one's a virgin.

32:49 Kobe Tai No, she is.

32:50 Adam She is a virgin. All right. And you think you-

32:53 Drew Will you pay attention?

32:54 You weren't listening.

32:55 Adam Listen, this is what happens when my mom tries to arrange a time for me to come over to dinner. She leaves a message on my phone machine. It sounds like, honey, let's do it Thursday at 6 o'clock. If 6 isn't good, we'll do it 6.45. Although if you can pick grandma up. Although grandma has a group meeting. Seven, between 7 and 8, 7 and 8 on Thursday. Thursday is not Wednesday. We're going to do it Wednesday at 5.45. If you could do- If you could pick up grandma at 5.30, and then you could be by the house at 5.45, and John's going to pick up Thai food, and he should be back by 6.30.

33:35 Drew So, let's do it on- See you Thursday.

33:38 Adam Okay, let's make it Wednesday.

33:39 Drew I'll see you Thursday.

33:40 Adam Then I hang up the phone, and two days goes by, and I think I got to go to my mom's house for dinner, and I have 400 times a day it's running through my head now, because I listen to all of them, can't remember what the last one was. You're just like my mother, aren't you, Josh?

33:56 Drew Of course.

33:56 Caller I was totally confused right there. I didn't know what was going on.

33:58 Kobe Tai Now you get a feeling.

34:01 Drew Have you discussed this with her?

34:03 Caller Actually, at one point, I was just blunt. I was like, I like to do more stuff. I think she just ignored me.

34:10 Drew So she didn't want to discuss it?

34:12 Caller That's what I think.

34:13 Adam What are you doing with her now?

34:16 Caller We're on a little break from school, so she lives about 45 minutes away from me. I've only seen her twice since I got back from school.

34:25 Kobe Tai Are you being faithful?

34:29 Caller Except for one time. She left early for school.

34:33 Drew Is that a yes or is that a no?

34:36 Adam One time he screwed around.

34:37 Drew Yes, no way.

34:38 Caller That's too much. I just kissed some other girl one time.

34:42 Adam What have you done with her? Not how far away does she live?

34:47 Caller Let me see. What have I done? I've fingered her.

34:53 Caller Fingered her.

34:57 Adam Was your finger attached to your hand or just throw it at her? Kobe does adult films for a living and is offended by the fingering term. All right. So that's something, though, isn't it?

35:13 Caller That's progress.

35:15 Adam That's pretty good for a virgin, right?

35:17 Caller Yeah. I mean, like, I've even asked her, like, hey, like, you know, like, can you go down to me and all this stuff? And like, it seems like everything I say, it's like, it's just like a Nord, like.

35:29 Kobe Tai When she's ready, she'll do it. And believe me, if you wait and don't pressure, it'll be so worth the wait.

35:33 Adam All right. Where are you from? Long Island or Boston or where are you from? Oh, that's perfect. I love that. All right. Get back to whatever you're doing.

35:41 Drew You've got to have a non-threatening, non-confrontational, open discussion about what your expectations are of this relationship together. Listen to her. You share your feelings. Find out together what's going on. Maybe there'll be a compromise.

35:53 Adam Right.

35:53 Drew Maybe not.

35:54 Adam Right. Listen to Kobe. You've got a sweet talker. Like, hey, I'll give you some money if you give me a BJ, I'll film it. That's the kind of sweet talk.

36:06 Kobe Tai With the theme song to deep throat in the background.

36:08 She's got it all. He's got it all. Yes, he does.

36:13 Adam We're going to listen. Lisa. It's this noise that's true, and just listen, what they're singing... Every detail.

36:25 Caller Every detail.

36:27 Well, we're gonna sing.

36:29 Drew Not now.

36:30 Not now.

36:30 Adam Just give me another ten seconds of this.

36:38 Kobe Tai I've been to paradise, but I've never been. That's what that song sounds like.

36:42 Drew I want Andy Dick's song.

36:43 Kobe Tai That's what it sounds like.

36:45 Adam That, it really, again, she's singing about a guy who was raping his sister and his mom. He does it with style.

36:55 Drew I want to be in that meeting. That was disgusting.

36:59 Adam All right. We will take a little break. Kobe Tai is here. I'm going to transcribe the lyrics to that song. We will sing Before the Night is Drew. Drew will join in as well.

37:08 Thanks a lot, Dr. Drew and Adam.

37:10 Adam He will have an oboe solo in the middle of that, and we'll be back after this.

37:20 We'll be right back with more Loveline.

37:50 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. We're here with adult film star Kobe Tai. Very, not your usual adult film star. Very perky, smart, beautiful. I'm really falling in love first with myself. It's important to love yourself first.

38:10 Drew Even that you're tiring up.

38:11 Adam Really love yourself, you know what I mean?

38:13 Drew Really, so you're beginning to remind me of that. You watch The Rugrats?

38:16 Adam No.

38:17 Drew There's a grandfather, the grandfather. Does he not remind you of that now?

38:19 Adam You don't watch Rugrats.

38:21 Drew Of course she does.

38:22 Kobe Tai My boss loves Rugrats.

38:24 He's your boss.

38:25 Kobe Tai Marcy.

38:26 Adam Marcy? She's your boss?

38:28 Kobe Tai One of.

38:29 Adam Oh boy, I didn't know. I thought the whole reason you get in a porn is to make your own hours and sort of call your own shots. You know what I mean? Why bother? Well, you don't punch a clock or anything, do you?

38:39 Kobe Tai I do make my own hours, but she's the overhead seeker of everything.

38:44 Adam How many movies do you make a year?

38:45 Four.

38:46 Kobe Tai So out of 365 days, I do adult, quote unquote, 12 days. Wow.

38:53 Adam So the average movie takes three days or you work on it for three days?

38:57 Kobe Tai Depends on, yeah. It can be up to a week long and then my day is usually three or four days.

39:02 Adam And also, they used to have one star carry an entire film. Now they have them featured, but you're not in 15 scenes.

39:13 Kobe Tai Right.

39:13 Adam You're in like two or three.

39:15 Kobe Tai We're on the box cover, so it's easy to find our films. And we are the main character in the story, but there are tons others. Yeah, there's like so many other sex scenes.

39:24 Adam Yeah.

39:24 Kobe Tai We're only in three.

39:26 Adam They used to be like, you know, the cast from My Dinner with Andre was bigger. I mean it. I mean, it was like Seca would do a movie and it's like first scene, Seca gets it on with a mountain goat, you know, and then second scene, nine guys, raping, you know, then third scene, that's the lesbian scene, and the fourth scene is the vibrator scene and it's, you know, Seca, Seca, Seca.

39:50 Kobe Tai Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

39:52 Adam Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, Seca, Seca, Seca. Right. But now it's not Kobe, Kobe, Kobe, it's just Kobe, Kobe. See what I'm saying?

40:00 Kobe Tai So you don't get bored of me. That's a good thing.

40:02 Adam It was Seca, Seca, Seca and now it's just Kobe, Kobe.

40:06 Caller All right.

40:07 Adam Let's say a culture club song, isn't it?

40:11 Kobe Tai He almost died, you know. Disco ball fell on his head anyway. What?

40:16 Drew Boy George?

40:17 Kobe Tai Boy George. When? A big, I'm not kidding.

40:20 Drew When was this?

40:21 Kobe Tai Thank you. My publicist is back there going, yes, she's right. A big disco ball. He was doing it like rehearsals and it fell on him and he nearly died but he went ahead and did the concert anyway. I just think that's really funny.

40:32 Adam Wow. Yes, see I think about that. Like when I was driving home from the guy's house at 12.30 at night with the porn under my arm I thought.

40:40 Drew What if you died in a car accident?

40:41 Adam I get in a car accident, I was just going to laugh their ass off. Oh my God, what happened? Well, he left the show early to go on a porn run.

40:47 Kobe Tai But did he have on clean underwear?

40:51 Adam The officer speculated that he started diddling himself while he was getting on the freeway on ramp, was cut off by an 18 wheeler. Well, that's the way he would have wanted to go.

41:00 Kobe Tai There was a smile on his face folks.

41:02 Adam Floyd? You're 21. What's up?

41:06 I have a question for Dr. Drew and one for you, Adam. Yeah, Floyd. Excuse me?

41:11 Drew Yeah, what's up, Floyd?

41:13 I have an article here that is talking about the Prevent and Plan B. What it's describing is how Walmart is no longer selling them in their pharmacies at all.

41:23 Drew Right, that happened many months ago. Right. Because those pharmacists were not reading the current literature which showed quite clearly that their outdated notions that its primary function of that pill was to suppress implantation.

41:38 Adam Oh, and they're pussies and they're not interested. I know you have another point to make, but shut up for one second here, Floyd. Here's my question. You know the religious right and all the right wingers and all the religious nutjobs are constantly putting together boycotts and they're constantly picketing and they're doing all this stuff and, you know, NYPD Blue showed some guys' ass, so we're going to boycott the products that advertise on that network and blah, blah, blah. Where are all the left wing liberals? How come they never organize? I mean, this is as good a reason to boycott a place like Walmart as anything, and yet, you'll never hear about it, and there'll be no organization, there'll be no guy with a bullhorn standing out front of the place, because it isn't in their makeup.

42:30 Right, and I completely agree with you, and I listen to you guys every night, and I'm backing it, and I'm backing it, and the reason I call was, in the middle of this article, it says, in parentheses, it says, which may or may not have been fertilized. The pill prevents an egg which may or may not have been fertilized, and that's why I'm calling to ask Dr. Drew, because I've wondered about that, too, and I know he's said many times that the pill, or that the egg hasn't been.

42:53 Drew Right, the egg is never released.

42:55 What?

42:56 Drew The egg is never released.

42:57 Okay.

42:58 Drew There's never an egg present.

43:00 Okay, so you're saying that they've just gotten this information from false information.

43:03 Drew Well, it took about 10 years for the medical literature to catch up, to sort of prove how this pill functions, and you need to know that you know that the usual contraceptive pill, right? All those other pills that are out there have about the same potential of preventing an implantation. They also can affect the endometrial lining and prevent implantation. So if they're going to be consistent in their logic, they're going to have to not sell any birth control pills.

43:29 Adam All right, Floyd, what was number two? And listen, feel free to boycott places like Walmart who take stances like that. Yeah, we sell guns and ammunition, we just don't sell responsible birth control. There you go. Makes perfect sense when you think about it. Idiots.

43:47 My question for you is, are you serious when you're saying things about the government stepping in and telling people how many children they should have? I know that you have a problem with the permit and the kitchen or the apartment above the garage.

43:59 Adam No, I can't have a kitchen in it, and now I can't have it. Yes, am I serious about that? Sure.

44:06 Drew You know what? Absolutely.

44:08 Adam Listen, if you're on welfare, you get an ore plant. I don't want you having kids. That's one thing I do as a government. Sure, of course.

44:16 Caller You don't think, but if you did that, you know that the government is going to turn around and say, you can't have the kids and then.

44:21 Adam Now, listen to me.

44:23 Drew His point is well taken though.

44:25 Adam The government is going to say, I can't have kids?

44:27 Drew No, it's that the-

44:28 Adam Hold on. Hold on. Shut up, Drew. Why is the government going to say, I can't have kids?

44:32 Caller I don't know. Why are they-

44:33 Adam Okay, let's-

44:34 Drew Because, Adam, the primer historical trends of the last century has taught us there's basically two forces. Ones that let the market take care itself, and the others where the government steps in and controls everything from above. And whenever somebody decides that they know what's best for other people, immeasurable harm comes to people. But you're making a trade. You're saying if you want support, if you want money from the government, then you anticipate certain behaviors in return, which is different than saying we're going to make laws that require you to have a certain kind of behavior.

45:03 Adam Listen, I don't buy this, I don't buy the government hysteria and the paranoia. I don't think if you make assault rifles illegal, guys in black boots are going to kick in your door and take your BB gun away from your kid. That's the way we like to think. It's a certain paranoia. And what it does is it just suits people who want assault rifles legal, and they take everything to an extreme. That's ridiculous. Listen, the government tells you how fast you can drive your car when you get it registered, how much you pay. I gave the goddamn government 600 and something grand last year. What do you mean, they're going to tell me what to do? I'm already giving them hundreds of thousands of dollars every year. Could it get any worse than that? And is the government going to tell a guy who makes a lot of money, who pays his taxes, who's totally insured, who's married or what have you, I can't have a kid? Ridiculous. Come on, grow up, everybody. The government is never going to do that, please. And the government's not going to do it. Because the government says a welfare mom has to get on Nourplant, they're then going to start telling everyone how many kids they can have. It's paranoia, please. And believe me, the government tells you what you can and can't do already. Look around. I mean, we can't talk about, we can't say certain words on our own goddamn radio show. Why? The government. And when you get in your car and you drive home, you can go a certain speed, but not over that. The government. And part of the money we make tonight is going to the government.

46:35 Drew Jizz guzzling. Please. Let's take a break.

46:39 Adam Worried about the government. All right. I have the lyrics here to...

46:44 Drew All right.

46:44 Kobe Tai You guys rehearsed during the break.

46:46 Adam Rehearsed during the break. Okay. This is the theme from Taboo II that Kobe Tai and I are going to sing.

46:51 Drew Why don't we... I got an idea. Why don't we watch the scene and you can sing to the scenes. We get the real...

46:56 Adam I don't have to move it.

46:57 Kobe Tai I don't think I want to do that.

46:58 Caller I taped it.

46:59 Drew I'm walking in front of a high school, right?

47:01 Adam Yeah. I didn't want to let the film out of my house, you know, my policy.

47:04 Kobe Tai Maybe we could have a wall between us.

47:07 Adam Without, you know, when I transport pornography, I have to have an escort, you know, motorcade.

47:13 Drew You've got that Y2K team working in your bunker to make sure there's no snafus.

47:17 Kobe Tai Speaking of Y, do you have KY?

47:19 Adam I have a decoy car that goes the other direction when I transport porn. Yeah, all right. KY, please. You need it for that Kobe, though. She's tight because her hips are about four inches from one to the other. That's the OD, outer dimension. Yes. All right. We're going to take a little break. We'll sing the theme to Taboo II when we come back.

47:40 Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

47:43 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Hey, oh, mic's on. It's Loveline. We're going to take a quick 10-second time out, and then we're going to have a very special moment here on Loveline. Adult film star, Kobe Tai.

48:27 Drew Just so I don't cry, can I leave the room and walk into the other?

48:29 Adam No, you're really going to enjoy this.

48:31 Kobe Tai You're staying.

48:32 Adam And I will sing the theme from Taboo II in just 10 seconds.

48:38 This is Loveline on radio station.

48:53 Adam All right, Drew, stop saying it. It's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Drew. Kobe Tai is here. She's a beautiful, beautiful Asian princess. She's an adult film star, and you can see pictures of her doing naughty things, I'm sure, on www.vividvideo.com, and also the www.kobetai, which is K-O-B-E-T-A-I. Her real name is Geraldine Schwartz, by the way ,.com. The Awakening is her new adult feature, I'm guessing.

49:28 Kobe Tai Yes.

49:29 Adam She's also the hooker that gets mutilated in very bad things. You may know her from that work. She's vivacious, she's bubbly, she has a beautiful singing voice and a beautiful smile. We're going to sing the theme to my favorite adult film movie, Taboo II. Now, we're going to need the music, and we're going to need the music underneath this one. Yeah, I mean, you're going to have to play that.

49:53 Drew Oh my God, look at these lyrics.

49:55 Adam We'll just sing over it.

49:56 Drew Does it with style?

49:57 Adam Drew, you're going to have to join.

49:58 You may want to join in.

49:59 Adam Do you have the beautiful phone screener and interim producer, Lisa, transcribed the words from the actual theme song. So again, this is Adam Corolla and Kobe Tai doing the theme from Taboo II. Oh, wait, wait, wait, re-queue it, re-queue it. I needed just a couple of couple of beats of guitar. Isn't that at the top?

50:23 Drew Get the barf drop out too, please.

50:27 Adam All right, you ready?

50:28 Ready.

50:29 Adam All right. All right, we're ready. He has it all.

50:35 Yes, he does. He knows how to please in every detail. He can do more than you'll ever imagine and do it with style. He does it with me. Oh, yes, he does. I know that you thought that you knew him.

51:06 Adam Well, brother, I'm telling you.

51:08 Caller Maybe you did, but you don't.

51:12 Adam All right, let's really kick it up here now. Little instrumental here.

51:45 Kobe Tai That scares me. You did that really well. Yay.

51:48 Adam I think the second and third time we do it, we're going to be even better.

51:54 Kobe Tai I had to let you have that all by yourself. You were just too good.

51:56 Adam I really finished with a high falsetto note there that sort of worked, you know.

52:00 Kobe Tai I'm impressed. Glasses broke.

52:02 Adam I like the guitar playing in the background. Drew, that's not bad stuff, is it? Matt, I guarantee both of you are going to be singing that on the ride home tonight. You will not be able to get that out of your head. Matt, what's going on?

52:19 Drew If that's true, I will drive right out the road.

52:21 Adam Matt, what did you think of my singing?

52:23 Caller Oh man, you're awesome, Adam.

52:24 Adam It's a pretty hot song.

52:26 Caller You're the coolest person in the world, dude.

52:28 Adam It's a song about a guy who rapes his mom and his daughter. That's the beauty of it.

52:35 Caller I got to watch that one.

52:36 Adam Oh, it's classic.

52:37 Drew All right, man, what's your question there, man?

52:40 Adam Hey, the Jewish faith, he's a man.

52:44 Caller If I masturbate more than two times a day, I usually get some sort of heartburn.

52:50 Drew Heartburn? Describe to me what you mean by heartburn.

52:53 Caller It's like a burning sensation up in my upper chest to my throat.

52:59 Drew Are you lying down when you do this?

53:02 Caller It really depends.

53:03 Drew I'm just wondering if there are things that you're doing.

53:05 Adam I know, you're thinking of a jismic reflex.

53:10 Drew They can predispose to reflex, like eating before you lie down and lie down for a long period of time.

53:14 Kobe Tai Like you should never go swimming after you eat, et cetera.

53:16 Adam Yeah, see, there's probably some pattern here, which is you whack off when you get home from school after you eat a snack.

53:23 Drew Cheetos, yeah, bag of Cheetos.

53:25 Adam You eat a bag of Cheetos.

53:26 Kobe Tai And you wonder why your penis is orange.

53:27 Adam A six or a jolt, and then you spread out and have at yourself. And you think it's related to the masturbation, but it's related to you being horizontal.

53:36 Drew Right, and the jolt.

53:37 Adam Are you horizontal?

53:39 Caller Um, sometimes.

53:41 Adam You're on your back?

53:42 Caller Sometimes.

53:43 Drew Do you take aspirin or anti-inflammatories or anything like that?

53:46 Caller Um, not.

53:48 Drew Tetracycline?

53:49 Caller No.

53:50 Adam You know what you should do if you have that reflux is you're supposed to prop your mattress up at an angle. That's right. And that way the sperm doesn't land on you too. I mean, it actually hits your feet. You know what I mean? It's more of a rainbow shot than it is that salvo that just goes straight up in the air. Let me tell you about sperm, Kobe. Oh, please.

54:11 Drew Oh, yeah, please.

54:12 Kobe Tai I'm all ears.

54:12 Adam You know, each year people are killed on, you know, New Year's because the folks go outside and they fire their guns up in the air and then the bullet eventually comes down and kills somebody. They go straight up, come straight down, puts a hole in someone's head. That's the way sperm is. If they would just fire the gun at the right angle, it just fly off in the trajectory. Get the trajectory right. At least they wouldn't be killed. I'm saying you fire a gun straight up in the air. You can be killed. If you fire it at an angle, you may kill somebody else with the sperm, but you're not going to kill yourself.

54:43 Caller Right.

54:44 Adam Right.

54:45 Kobe Tai Good point.

54:45 Oh, all right.

54:48 Adam Kobe, what are you known for in the in the business? What's your maneuver? I mean, what what do you do? Or sex?

54:56 Kobe Tai I do a little bit of everything. Dibble, dabble, you know.

54:59 Adam Dabble and everything?

55:00 Kobe Tai Yeah. I think just the energy level is always a 10 plus. So that's what I'm known for.

55:04 Adam Do you enjoy having sex with the guys? I mean, you having a good time?

55:07 Kobe Tai And girls.

55:08 Adam And girls, yeah.

55:09 Kobe Tai Oh, yeah. I definitely enjoy my work.

55:11 Adam Now, what if you were alone? Would you like it more with the person or is it a turn on and a thrill to know that there's people around?

55:18 Kobe Tai I'm actually either. Excite me. I mean, work is great. And I get all excited about going to work. And oh, yeah, today's a work day. But off screen, it's great, too. It's even better, actually.

55:28 Adam And it's just better off.

55:30 Kobe Tai Yeah. Work makes me appreciate my off screen.

55:32 Adam Well, you're more attracted to me or Drew. Seriously.

55:36 Kobe Tai OK. Who's our next caller?

55:37 Adam Oh, that means me.

55:39 Kobe Tai Yikes.

55:40 Adam You got it. Are you engaged or something?

55:43 Kobe Tai No, I'm single.

55:44 Adam What finger is that? All right. Let me smell that ring finger.

55:48 Kobe Tai Guess where I've been.

55:49 Adam All right. Working. Justin?

55:52 Yes.

55:52 Adam You're 17.

55:53 Caller Yes.

55:55 Adam Oh, oh, you were married?

55:58 Kobe Tai Was.

55:58 Adam To adult film star Mark Davis?

56:00 Kobe Tai Yes, for three years.

56:01 Adam I know a guy named Mark Davis.

56:04 Drew Not the same one.

56:06 Adam Really? That's that Paul, the 55 year old intern?

56:09 Caller No.

56:10 Adam This guy kind of a Jewish guy, parts his hair in the middle?

56:13 Kobe Tai Definitely, no.

56:14 Adam No.

56:14 Kobe Tai He's English.

56:15 Adam I see. Oh, he's a big hunky guy?

56:18 Kobe Tai Yes.

56:19 Adam Yeah, I think I, I don't know if you're aware of this, but he had sex with Jenna Jameson once.

56:22 Kobe Tai Yes. Oh, yeah.

56:23 Adam Yeah.

56:24 Kobe Tai He's had sex with everybody in the business, actually.

56:26 Adam He's cheated on you. That's all I'm saying. Of course, that's not going to last. You can't marry you two in the industry.

56:33 Kobe Tai Actually, it was the right guy just the wrong time.

56:36 Adam Okay. What does that mean?

56:37 Kobe Tai Seriously, we're best friends. We're best friends now. We really are.

56:40 Adam How long were you married?

56:41 Kobe Tai Three years.

56:42 All right.

56:43 Adam Seems like a long time. Justin?

56:45 Yes.

56:45 Adam You're 17. What's up?

56:49 Caller I've been with my girlfriend for about like six months. And like the last month and a half, we, well, she kind of decided that we were going to have sex. And both of us, like both three to four times that we've done it, none of us have like orgasmed at all. And I mean, I don't know. We try to talk about it and stuff, but I just feel like I don't know anything about it because she was my first time. And sex hasn't been a real big thing in my family. My father is like a minister. And so like, you know, every Sunday, you know, he gets up on the pulpit and it kind of makes me feel kind of bad about doing like bad things. And I don't know if that plays a factor in it or anything at all. But I want to make her feel happy or whatever. And I just, I've tried.

57:55 Adam Okay, relax there. Boy.

57:58 Caller Okay.

57:59 Adam He's a real dumb one, this Justin. Justin, you're doing way too much thinking, brother.

58:05 Kobe Tai How old is he?

58:06 Adam Seventeen. Have you done any oral sex on her?

58:09 Caller No, I've never done that.

58:11 Adam You haven't.

58:12 Kobe Tai You might want to try that.

58:13 Adam That's all they want, Justin. Sad, but true. In that way, if you just performed oral sex on her, in God's eyes, you wouldn't be having sex, and you wouldn't feel as guilty. See what I'm saying, Justin?

58:30 Caller Yeah. Well, I have a real phobia of doing... I have no idea what I'm doing at all. All right.

58:41 Adam Well, let's ask Kobe and find out what a woman likes. Okay?

58:46 Caller All right.

58:46 Adam Is that all right?

58:47 Caller That's fine. All right.

58:48 Adam Just listen and take some notes. Kobe?

58:53 Kobe Tai Well, the oral thing is definitely a nice thing. Yes. Adam is correct on that. But if you feel bad on not being true...

59:01 Adam I know what they want. I don't give it to them, but I know in theory what they want. I actually have a day labor before moral sex on my ladies, and then I move in.

59:09 Caller For what?

59:12 Adam For the nap.

59:13 Kobe Tai Don't feel bad about not being experienced. That's the fun of sex, is that you learn. So together you all can learn what turns each other on, and don't force issues, and just do it naturally, and be a lot more fun. It's like a learning process. I mean, I'm 27, and believe me, I'm just now getting the hang of certain things.

59:30 Adam What is the technique, though, for oral sex? Not only for you, but for all women.

59:35 Kobe Tai Don't do the ABCs. Girls know when you're doing that. Whoever told that was a lie.

59:41 Adam What is the technique?

59:43 Kobe Tai You should kiss her down there like you would kiss her mouth on her face.

59:47 Adam Interesting.

59:48 Kobe Tai Their lips, too.

59:49 Adam Interesting.

59:51 Kobe Tai Yeah, you suck it, you play with it, you kiss it lightly, you breathe heavy on it, everything. It's just another set of lips just down south.

59:58 Adam Yeah. I got the breathing heavy part because of the deviated septum. It's like, you know, the woman's vagina gets sucked halfway down my wind tunnel, and then it's just a push back out again. So I can't breathe through my nose.

1:00:12 Drew It's like a cartoon.

1:00:14 Caller Yeah.

1:00:16 Adam Man, I can barely breathe through my nose, so it's like, I got to go like, okay, I'm going to have oral sex.

1:00:21 Caller You're going to go, no, here I go.

1:00:24 Adam No, you're not done yet. That was that organ? No, you're not done?

1:00:27 Caller Hold on.

1:00:30 All right, I'm going back down there.

1:00:32 Adam All right, hold on a second. Let me hyperventilate. I can stay down for another 30 seconds. Here we go, I'm getting down. Are you ready? All right. Are you focused this time? Here we go. It's like I'm pearl diving. I'm trying to get a sponge or something from the ocean floor.

1:00:50 Kobe Tai They don't make sponges anymore.

1:00:52 Adam They don't make sponges anymore?

1:00:54 Kobe Tai No, today's sponges, they stopped making them. Just a little FYI for you.

1:00:57 Adam I mean the-

1:00:58 Kobe Tai I know, but I'm throwing one at you.

1:01:00 Adam It was interesting though. They don't make that sponge.

1:01:02 Drew They stopped again?

1:01:04 Why is that?

1:01:06 Adam Is birth control, they don't make the sponge? Does it work?

1:01:08 Drew Yeah.

1:01:09 Adam Yeah, why did they stop that?

1:01:10 Kobe Tai You would think. They would have kept that one on the show.

1:01:12 Drew It comes and goes. You sure it's again, taking off?

1:01:15 Kobe Tai Well, I don't know. I'm on the pill. I've not looked for that in a long time.

1:01:17 Drew Because it did for a while. It was on. And then Seinfeld did a whole big-

1:01:21 Kobe Tai I know. Is he sponge-worthy?

1:01:25 Adam I didn't hear that.

1:01:25 Kobe Tai It was a great episode.

1:01:26 Drew The whole episode about the fact the sponge was not available.

1:01:29 Kobe Tai She only had so many left.

1:01:30 Adam Oh, I see. Interesting. You can't reuse those things? No?

1:01:35 Kobe Tai It's kind of like a tampon, Andrew.

1:01:36 Adam Oh, it is? And you say-

1:01:38 Kobe Tai You wouldn't want to.

1:01:39 Adam How many times can you use a tampon, Drew? Really? You can't reuse a sponge?

1:01:44 Kobe Tai It's like when people say, can I borrow a tampon? Why would you want to borrow it?

1:01:47 Drew They are not to use a sensitive word as it pertains to contraception, but they are impregnated with the spermicidal agents that are no longer present after a certain period.

1:01:56 Adam I see. And you can't reintroduce those into the sponge. Michelle?

1:02:00 Yes.

1:02:01 Adam You're 29?

1:02:02 Caller Yes.

1:02:02 Adam What's up?

1:02:04 Caller I have a question about my three-year-old niece. I'm worried that she maybe has been molested. She's got a lot of problems. I don't really know where to start. For instance, she lives with my grandmother and not her own mother who's moved out of the house.

1:02:22 Drew What's up with her mother?

1:02:24 Caller She was really young when she had the baby and she's got a lot of problems. She's had a lot of outbursts and my mom thought that maybe she needed some sort of drug. So they had her on some psychological drugs.

1:02:40 Kobe Tai At age three?

1:02:41 Caller No, no, no. This is my sister. She's just always had a lot of problems. When she got pregnant, she kept it and then she got married and moved out and left my niece over with my mom. Wow. So now she's having these outbursts where she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night and she can't be calmed down. She has anger outbursts where she can't be controlled. She says she wants to be good and then she says, no, I don't want to be good. I want to be bad. She masturbates until she's red and throbbing.

1:03:18 Drew Well, something, being abandoned by your mom.

1:03:21 Adam It's going to be me tonight when I get home with those Kobe Tai videos, by the way.

1:03:24 Drew Being abandoned by your mom is pretty heavy by itself.

1:03:26 Adam How old was she when she was abandoned?

1:03:30 Caller I guess it's probably only been maybe six months.

1:03:33 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:03:35 Drew But it sounds like something else was going on here. But understand, kids will masturbate and do very strange exhibitionistic kinds of behaviors when they feel aggressive and threatened and angry. It may not be that she was sexually abused, though it certainly brings that question into focus.

1:03:52 Adam Getting dropped off at two and a half, that's got to be devastating.

1:03:55 Drew It's heavy duty.

1:03:56 Caller She hasn't really been there for her emotionally. There's not that bond. It's more like a play thing for her. It's not like it's her daughter. It's more like it's just this play thing.

1:04:05 Adam All right. So where's mommy now?

1:04:08 Caller She's living with her new husband and her new baby, who now is also having these, I don't know, she neglects the new baby.

1:04:16 Adam All right. Hold on. New baby. That's what I'm talking about. Listen, I'm all right with the government stepping in on someone like that. That's it. New baby.

1:04:27 Drew Can't handle one.

1:04:30 Adam What are the chances she's going to F up the new kid? One zillion is a thousand percent or she can only go to a hundred?

1:04:37 Drew No, you can...

1:04:38 Adam I can go to a thousand percent?

1:04:40 Drew You can go wherever you want.

1:04:41 Adam Thousand and one percent. Yeah, I'm sure she's a role model to all young parents with the new kid, right? She's turned over a new leaf.

1:04:51 Caller It's just horrible to watch it as...

1:04:52 Adam All right. Listen, you're her sister.

1:04:55 Caller Right.

1:04:55 Adam Why don't you say to her, hey, honey, get on some birth control. You're screwing up the planet.

1:04:59 Caller I've said that since they were... I've said that since she was like, you know, 17 years old, but it doesn't sink in. Nothing sinks in.

1:05:07 Adam Where is she coming from? Where's your dad?

1:05:10 Caller Well, we have different dads.

1:05:12 Adam All right. See, that's where I step in already. Norplant.

1:05:15 Kobe Tai It all started then.

1:05:17 Adam Yeah. I mean...

1:05:20 Caller I lived in a house where everything was sort of swept under the rug, a born-again Christian family. Oh, boy.

1:05:26 Adam You only get born again after you get strung out on heroin or killed somebody though.

1:05:30 Caller Exactly. I moved out when I was about 13. I moved in with my dad because I couldn't stand it, but my sisters got left there. Well, not left there. That was their parents. They had no choice but to be brought up in that environment. My parents also never let them do anything on their own. Everything was done for them. Any situation that they could get into that was trouble, they were bailed out. They just don't have any self-confidence. I don't know.

1:05:57 Adam Well, Michelle, so this is your half-sister, then?

1:06:01 Caller She's my half-sister, but she's like my sister.

1:06:04 Adam All right. Well, listen, she's like your sister and I think you have to appeal to the whatever conscience she has about her children. Why don't you ask her if she knows anything about this? I mean, I don't know what else to do. I beg her to stop having kids, please.

1:06:22 Drew The child is going to need some treatment already. So let's work on that. It doesn't really matter what happens.

1:06:29 Adam Here's what I do when I'm in charge, by the way, and I'm goddamn serious here. What an amazing turn of events. She comes from a family with two different parents, where kids were raised, and what a shock that she's had a child with one husband and then has had a child with another man.

1:06:50 Drew Here's where it started.

1:06:51 Adam What a shock with the Taboo II theme song. Don't you dare blame that song for this.

1:06:56 Caller It's, oh, yes he does.

1:06:58 Drew No, it's this thinking. Think about how screwed up this thinking is. This was the decade that screwed this up.

1:07:08 Adam One more line. Come on.

1:07:10 He can do more than you'd ever imagine. And do it with style. He does it with me. Oh, yes he does. Yeah.

1:07:23 Adam Kobe isn't even looking down at the lyric sheet anymore. She's looking right at me.

1:07:27 Kobe Tai I'm looking at you for inspiration.

1:07:28 Adam Oh, yes he does.

1:07:30 Drew But this is the, this is the...

1:07:31 Adam I'm getting hot.

1:07:32 Drew In the 70s it was, hey, this is cool. This is all right. This guy's expressing himself. Hey, he loves his mom, loves his sister. This is the attitudes that were in the 70s. This is what screwed us up. Here it is.

1:07:42 Adam Oh, it's a porn movie, Drew.

1:07:43 Drew I'm just saying, that's where it all started. That's why we're paying the popper now.

1:07:48 Adam Shut up, Drew. Wait a minute, do we have to pay the piper?

1:07:54 Drew The piper.

1:07:55 Adam There you go.

1:07:56 Paying the popper.

1:07:57 Adam Jennifer?

1:07:58 Caller Hello?

1:07:59 Adam Uh-oh. You're 39?

1:08:01 Caller Yeah.

1:08:02 Adam Oh, you're a guy, right?

1:08:03 Well, I used to be a guy, but I'm a transsexual.

1:08:05 Adam Ooh, baby. What's going on?

1:08:08 Well, 10 years ago, I had my surgery, so I'm a woman now, and I'm taking hormone replacement therapy, and my sex drive has gone kaput. And I used to have a lot of sex because it was a lot of fun, but now it's like I have my testosterone level checked and it's almost none.

1:08:24 Drew Well, you're taking estrogen.

1:08:25 Adam Same as me.

1:08:26 Drew Why don't you take some testosterone also?

1:08:29 Well, because I read somewhere that if you take testosterone, it will help your sex drive.

1:08:33 Drew Yeah, so why don't you do that with the estrogen?

1:08:34 Hold on.

1:08:35 Adam Let's do a little love line reenactment.

1:08:40 My testosterone level is almost nil.

1:08:43 Adam I have no sex drive.

1:08:44 Drew Why don't you take some testosterone with the estrogen?

1:08:47 Adam Because I read somewhere that testosterone helps your sex drive.

1:08:52 Drew That was what happened.

1:08:53 Adam Hey, Jennifer?

1:08:54 Yeah, but I don't want to get mascanalized anymore because I'm masculine enough and I'm fighting. I don't want to go that direction.

1:09:00 Adam Why don't you just... What about some Spanish fly or Viagra or something?

1:09:06 Kobe Tai Yohimbie.

1:09:07 Adam Yohimbie? Some rhino tusks, some bear pancreas, whatever those crazy Asians eat.

1:09:13 Well, those are more for dilators, though. Those are more for guys.

1:09:17 Drew Yeah, but you still kind of have that system going, right?

1:09:20 Well, no.

1:09:21 Drew Isn't that how you get aroused?

1:09:23 Well, that's the problem. I don't get aroused by much of anything anymore.

1:09:26 Adam Well, listen, why do you need to get aroused? All you got to do is hold still. You're a chick now.

1:09:30 Oh, because they're animals, though.

1:09:32 Adam Who's an animal?

1:09:33 Aren't you? I am an animal.

1:09:36 Adam You are in the form of animal. Yeah, I'd rather hump a bear, to tell you the truth.

1:09:40 Drew But this is interesting. We've always wondered what would happen if a woman were like a man. You know what I mean? Here you go.

1:09:46 Adam What do you got going on downstairs, said Jennifer?

1:09:49 I have the prettiest pussy you'll never see.

1:09:52 Adam Really?

1:09:52 Kobe Tai Oh, now come on. I begged a different way. No, just kidding. Have you seen one?

1:09:57 Adam I'm going to examine Kobe's like a mechanicologist when I get home tonight. Jennifer, really? Really, it looks good down there?

1:10:05 It's pretty.

1:10:07 Adam Is it?

1:10:07 It's so much prettier than it ever was before.

1:10:09 Kobe Tai You had a second job done?

1:10:10 Adam Why is it I have the feeling I'd be disappointed if I actually got a good close-up look at that. So you had your penis removed?

1:10:18 Well, it was my birth defect.

1:10:20 Adam Right. But for our sane listeners who are trying to fall along, we'll call it a penis.

1:10:27 Okay.

1:10:28 Adam You had that removed?

1:10:29 Yeah.

1:10:30 Adam When they removed that, they put a vagina on there like Mr. Potato Head.

1:10:35 Well, it allowed me to flower and be free, yeah.

1:10:38 Adam Right. I want to know what that vagina looks like.

1:10:43 It looks like a puppy.

1:10:46 Kobe Tai But you can't get pregnant.

1:10:47 Caller It's just the look.

1:10:49 Adam Jennifer, yeah, I don't think you're allowed to say that anymore. What's going on in there? You have a clitoris?

1:10:55 Yeah.

1:10:55 Kobe Tai And you have lips?

1:10:56 Yeah.

1:10:57 Adam Okay. What are the other parts? Are there any other parts?

1:10:59 Drew The clitoris was a shaved down penis, right?

1:11:02 I don't lubricate like a genetic woman would, but it's pretty real.

1:11:08 Adam If a guy was with you and sober, I know you're going to have to use your imagination here. Would he know the difference?

1:11:18 Sometimes. Some people would if you're intuitive. Yeah.

1:11:22 Adam Intuitive. I know. But what if he could only see that part of you?

1:11:26 It's close.

1:11:27 Adam It's close.

1:11:28 Yeah.

1:11:29 Adam Yeah. See, I look at a woman who was born a woman and it ain't pretty half the time. I mean, I got to be honest, I don't even like those. I can only imagine the bad jobs, these afterthought numbers. You know what I mean? Let's face it. The vagina on a lot of women doesn't look great anyway. I mean, it's not that they don't have other good parts on them, but let's face it. I mean, it doesn't even work on women sometimes. I can only imagine how it works when they're used to be a penis there. It's like removing a tree and putting a wishing well in its place. There's roots, there's things there. It's not a good idea. All right. Listen, we got to take a break. I got to get back to Jennifer, though. I want to know a little bit more about this. Because I think that everyone has had a sex change is nuts. And you have to be nuts in order to do it. You have to be nuts to get your genitalia cut off. And people say, but wait a minute, I'm not nuts. I just know that I'm a woman trapped inside a man's body. Yes, that's the essence of nuts. That's how you get to be nuts. Right there, stop. That's nuts. You see? No, no. Nuts. I'm not talking about I think you're Napoleon. I'm not talking about mad scientist. I'm talking about you have a penis, a scrotum and an Adam's apple. And you think there's a chick trapped inside you somewhere dying to get out. That's what nuts is.

1:13:06 Caller I know you want these nuts.

1:13:08 Thank you.

1:13:09 Adam We'll take a little break. Kobe Tai, who couldn't possibly have anyone else trapped inside of her. She's too damn skinny. Is here tonight and we'll be back. We'll be singing a little more. We'll sing a little more Taboo II theme song. We're back with more Loveline. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Kobe Tai is our guest tonight. She's a beautiful young nubile adult film star. You can see her naked on www.vividvideo.com, or www.kobetai with the dot and the com, and the same thing. We've got to figure out a way to abbreviate this. Dot, the W's and the com are at the end, and then the Kobe Tai is in the middle. There has to be some way that we don't have to go through that. I'm sure somebody figured this out, haven't they?

1:14:37 Drew I mean, you don't have to say it anymore. People assume all that.

1:14:40 Kobe Tai Just say kobetai.com, vividvideo.com.

1:14:43 Adam Yeah, but why with the.com even?

1:14:46 Drew That's the address.

1:14:47 Adam Yeah, but all of them have.com at the end.

1:14:49 Drew No, some are dot org, dot net.

1:14:51 Kobe Tai Earthlink, Yahoo.

1:14:53 Adam But isn't all the commercial stuff.com?

1:14:56 Caller Mm-mm-mm.

1:14:57 Adam In the org stuff organization?

1:14:59 Drew Not necessarily dot net.

1:15:01 Adam Well, wait a minute.

1:15:04 Caller She's got a call.

1:15:06 Caller Back to the point.

1:15:08 Adam Don't cramp on whatever point I was making. Yeah. Jennifer is 10 years. It's 10 years since the feminine side was unleashed.

1:15:17 Drew The birth defect was repaired.

1:15:18 Yeah.

1:15:19 Adam Yeah.

1:15:20 I was twice a virgin.

1:15:22 Adam Right.

1:15:22 Caller Right.

1:15:24 Adam Uh, ooh. So what do you do for a living? You must work at a video store.

1:15:29 No, I don't know if I want to say.

1:15:31 Adam What kind of work do you do?

1:15:33 I'm a nurse.

1:15:34 Adam Oh, boy. That's nuts times two. You know what? You know, here's how I would... I'd be like, um, I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. I want to tell you a little something about her. She was a he. She is a transsexual. Yeah, that ain't good. Ann, she's working as a nurse. Oh, my God. No. Dear God, no. She must be nuts. All nurses are nuts. What happened to you, Jennifer? Something must have happened to you. Something horrible.

1:16:04 Well, I suffered for a long time and I finally got over it.

1:16:07 Adam Yeah, but who suffered? Who suffered on you?

1:16:10 Drew At whose hands?

1:16:11 Adam At whose hands? What kind of situation did you grow up in?

1:16:16 Supposedly normal, boring.

1:16:19 Adam No. Someone is a drug addict or somebody raped you or something.

1:16:23 No.

1:16:24 Adam Come on.

1:16:25 That was part of my history. I used to dabble, but nothing real.

1:16:29 Adam What happened to you growing up, though? Where's your dad?

1:16:32 I used to run away from.

1:16:34 Adam Right.

1:16:34 My dad, I don't talk to my dad.

1:16:36 Drew He beat the crap out of you or something?

1:16:37 No. He intellectually abused me.

1:16:40 Drew What does that mean?

1:16:41 Well, it means he's an autotune supposed to. They're much more important than anything that I ever had.

1:16:48 Kobe Tai Never encouraged you, never gave you support?

1:16:50 Not even close.

1:16:51 Drew Yeah, but kids don't run away from their parents unless they're being overtly abusive, like rageful, awful abuse.

1:16:57 Well, if you're devalued to the point where you don't exist, then it's not physical, though, and that's not drugs.

1:17:04 Drew But was he calling you awful things?

1:17:06 No, it's more ignoring what I was as a human being. And that acknowledges-

1:17:10 Kobe Tai So you were trying to do things for attention?

1:17:12 Like, for example, for my brother's wedding, he made me dress up in guys' clothes if I wanted to attend. Oh, excuse me.

1:17:19 Drew Yeah, but how about when you were six years old?

1:17:21 Adam By the way, that would be my policy, too.

1:17:23 I don't remember a lot of six-year-olds.

1:17:24 Adam Listen.

1:17:24 Drew Why?

1:17:26 I don't know why.

1:17:27 Adam Well, you think, listen, something happened to you. I mean, come on, let's be honest. Something had to have happened.

1:17:34 Well, I think the good part that happened is I found help and I have a path that's good. But I was really wondering about my sex drive and how I can help that without turning more masculine again.

1:17:46 Adam As a woman now, do you only have sex with men?

1:17:52 Well, I gave up on men because I kind of don't like penises. Women are a lot more comfortable. But that doesn't mean I don't want to go back to that.

1:18:01 Adam Right. You may rediscover the penis.

1:18:04 Drew The transsexual male, the male to female transsexuals I have dealt with were all lesbians.

1:18:09 Adam Of course, because you can't ask them to make, God forbid they make sense. Do you know what I mean?

1:18:16 Well, I spent so long running away from penis that, but I still get pleasured by that.

1:18:20 Adam Was it one giant penis or are you just saying symbolically you ran away from penis?

1:18:25 Because I had it. That was when I was running away from myself.

1:18:28 Adam I see. It was a metaphor. I see. I pictured a giant penis that had broken loose from the circus or something. It was chasing you down the street. I was speaking metaphorically is what you're saying, right? Okay. I should pay attention. Did you guys know that or do you think it was a giant penis?

1:18:43 Drew I was just envisioning it like Woody Allen film or something.

1:18:45 Adam Like the giant penis that crushed Tokyo and attacked Mothra? Right.

1:18:51 Drew Jennifer.

1:18:51 Adam All right. Jennifer.

1:18:54 Drew I'm glad you're happy.

1:18:55 Adam No, she's not. She wants to be more aroused.

1:18:59 Drew Well, you are made up of X and Y chromosomes. As such, your body responds differently to male and female hormones than an XX. Now, if you do not produce them, you also respond differently to them. A woman, a big component of female sexuality is receptivity. That's what estrogens do to women is make them open to and receptive to the advances of a male. The progestational agents can make them sort of aggressive in a masculine way, but a big, big piece of their sexuality is receptivity. Men don't have that. So all you get is suppression of the male aspect of sexuality. And if you're going to experience your sexuality, you've got to activate those systems that are involved in male sexual expression. And that means either reducing your estrogen or adding testosterone.

1:19:47 Adam But also, all bets are off because you're whacked out of your mind. You know what I mean? Who the hell knows what's going on sexually? You're out of your mind. All bets are off. That's what I'm saying. There's going to be times of hypersexuality and there's going to be dormant periods where you can completely close down sexually.

1:20:05 Drew Well, if I put you on estrogen, you'd be shut down.

1:20:08 I would?

1:20:09 Adam What else? What else would I get?

1:20:10 Kobe Tai I'd sing that song better.

1:20:11 Drew You'd get breast. His testosterone level and your testes would raise up off the floor.

1:20:17 Adam What? Could I have a little testosterone?

1:20:19 Drew Also?

1:20:21 Adam What if you got me a little testosterone?

1:20:22 Drew Then you'd be hypersexual and aggressive.

1:20:24 Caller I would?

1:20:25 Adam All right. How about all that?

1:20:27 Drew Then you'd shut down.

1:20:28 Adam After that?

1:20:29 Caller Yeah.

1:20:31 Adam Can you give me some for Kobe tonight?

1:20:34 Drew Give me that Kobe beef. He said his testosterone levels were nil.

1:20:39 Adam All right. Rick?

1:20:41 Yeah.

1:20:42 Adam Rick, you're 23.

1:20:44 Caller Hi. I just wanted to tell Kobe hello.

1:20:46 Kobe Tai Hi, sweetie.

1:20:46 Caller I think she's great. I work as an intern pharmacist right now. I'm in pharmacy school. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I agree with this morning after pill. So many times every day I see 15, 16-year-old girls coming in, getting their prenatal vitamins. It's terrible.

1:21:04 Drew Go read the literature on how this thing works.

1:21:08 Caller Oh, I agree with it 100 percent. I think it's so much better off.

1:21:12 Drew But forget the better off. Read actually how it works. This whole business of it being a suppressor of implantation is nonsense. It has the same probability of doing that as the contraceptive pill used the way it was designed to be used. So it prevents ovulation. It works just like the regular contraceptive pill.

1:21:30 Caller Yeah. I hear you guys talk about it all the time and I think it's a great idea.

1:21:33 Adam Hey, so you're saying if the woman has already ovulated, it's not going to do anything?

1:21:38 Drew The woman has already ovulated, you're going to get pregnant.

1:21:41 Adam Hey, Rick, you're not calling from Southern California, are you?

1:21:47 Caller Yeah, I'm in California.

1:21:47 Adam Oh, really? Yeah. Not Southern California, though, right?

1:21:51 Caller No, I'm from Southern California, but I'm away at farm school right now.

1:21:54 Drew Why dress up?

1:21:55 Adam Well, he won't be able to work as a pharmacist in Southern California. What's your ethnic heritage, Rick?

1:22:01 Caller I'm white.

1:22:02 Adam You're white? No, sorry. There'll be no employment for you in California. Only bizarre mixtures, what I like to call the Johnny Quest villain ethnicities are accepted. You cannot share a common language with any pharmacist in Southern California. They're evil. Take no offense to this, Kobe, but a bizarre sort of Asian. It's like Iranian guy got it on with a Chinese chick and someone sprinkled in like some weird Ukrainian thing in there somewhere and together they had just the meanest, foulest person you could communicate least with. They don't hire white folks to work as pharmacists in Southern California, Rick.

1:22:46 Caller Oh, I guarantee I'm definitely the minority at pharmacy school.

1:22:50 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:22:51 Caller It's about two-thirds Asian females right now.

1:22:53 Adam Yeah, they must have like, do they have classes in abusing people who come like, I mean, they do like, you know, repeat after me.

1:23:04 Caller You wait now.

1:23:07 Caller Yeah, that's the next semester I think.

1:23:08 Adam Okay, that was very good. And everybody, class, repeat after me. You pay top dollar, round eye.

1:23:23 Caller Ciao.

1:23:24 Caller Ding dong dang.

1:23:27 Adam Okay, let's change another one.

1:23:29 Caller Computer down, down.

1:23:34 Kobe Tai You've been here for four hours, you go now. You go now.

1:23:39 Adam You call another pharmacy, not this one. What your name? What? C-O, no, C, we no have it.

1:23:49 Caller You'll come back.

1:23:51 Adam You'll come back long time. I have insurance. You no have insurance no more. Computer down. Can I have my drugs?

1:24:04 You paid that dollar.

1:24:06 Adam Then you'll come back. We give you one pill at the time, Charlie. You get one pill.

1:24:12 Drew Charlie, let's go.

1:24:14 Adam You get one pill, you come back tomorrow, we give you next pill.

1:24:18 Drew Will this night ever end?

1:24:20 Adam No, we fail. It no say we fail. Happy birthday. Oh, my God. I don't even know what nationality it is in there, but whatever it is, it's the meanest, least communicative, or say that word for me, Drew, ethnicity in the entire world. I don't know what it is about people that are getting involved with pharmacy. They have no interest in conversation or human beings at all, but man, these are like some weird androids. I swear to God, you'd be better off with one of the bears, one of the animatronic bears from the country bear jamboree back there. It would do a better job than the pharmacist. At least you wouldn't get abused. You'd just get like a guy with a cider jug who was in it. Oh my God. It's always a disaster. Always a disaster. What is it? I mean, you're a half Chinese, right, Kobe?

1:25:21 Kobe Tai And half Japanese, uh-huh.

1:25:23 Adam Does everybody in China and Japan want to be a pharmacist? How does that work? What is it with this ethnicity that's so attracted to the pharmaceutical business?

1:25:33 Kobe Tai Medicine.

1:25:34 Adam Wow. It's uncanny.

1:25:36 Kobe Tai It starts back in the opium days. We used to smoke opium.

1:25:40 Adam Is it, is it, is it like the, you know, is it the, you know, the rich tradition of the Chinese herbalists? I mean, is that what, I mean, is it, is it the fact that these people have had it in bread in their culture for millions of years and that we've had it in a relatively short period of time in the Caucasian culture? Is that what that is? What is that? All right, Drew, you don't know. We're going to take a little break here. Kobe Tai is here. She'll be back to explain more about the ethnicities and what they do best and, and this isn't what they do best. It's just what they're attracted to. That's frightening. I don't mind it if you do so, you know, if you're an Italian guy who cooks real well, then that's, that's your love. That's fine. But if you can't fly an airplane, don't insist on doing that. Okay. We'll take a little break. We'll be back. We'll, we'll sing the Taboo II song. Yeah, after this.

1:26:35 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:26:36 Caller Okay, let's do it.

1:26:38 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

1:27:14 Adam It's Loveline.

1:27:15 Drew Adam, before you sing, can we at least take these two calls that have been on hold for 90 minutes?

1:27:19 Adam Okay.

1:27:19 Drew Please.

1:27:20 Adam I'm sure they'd like to hear the Taboo II theme again.

1:27:23 Drew Given that we've taken like three calls tonight.

1:27:25 Adam Well, I've been doing, talking about very important topics.

1:27:28 Drew I know, pulling your penis off, singing songs.

1:27:30 Adam All right. Kobe Tai's, I guess, an adult film star. Natalie? You're 16? You haven't had a period in two months? What does that have to do with Taboo II?

1:27:43 Drew Any chance you're pregnant?

1:27:45 Caller No. I haven't done anything like sexual or anything, but.

1:27:49 Kobe Tai Are you athletic?

1:27:50 Drew Lost a lot of weight? Have you lost any weight recently?

1:27:55 Not really.

1:27:57 Drew Are you excessively athletic? You doing like cross-country running or anything like that?

1:28:00 I've done body ball.

1:28:05 Kobe Tai I bet her body fat is really low, which is why she doesn't have a period.

1:28:08 Drew Do you have irregular periods? Have you had that your whole life? Irregular periods?

1:28:14 Yeah, my regular periods, yeah.

1:28:15 Adam My regular period? Hold on a second.

1:28:18 Drew Oh, boy.

1:28:19 Adam Now, do you want to hear that theme song, Taboo II, or do you want to watch Natalie chase her tail for another 20 minutes?

1:28:26 Caller Hmm?

1:28:26 Adam Huh?

1:28:27 Drew All right. Let me try to answer.

1:28:28 Adam By the way, this is what it's like talking to a pharmacist.

1:28:31 Caller Yeah.

1:28:33 Drew Huh? Yeah.

1:28:34 Adam Do you have irregular periods, my regular periods? Yep.

1:28:39 Drew No, no, no. Come back.

1:28:39 Adam I got to talk to her. Natalie.

1:28:41 Caller Yeah.

1:28:42 Adam I'm trying to figure out a way to... Have your periods always been off and on?

1:28:50 Caller No.

1:28:50 Adam They've been on?

1:28:52 Drew Every month the same?

1:28:53 Adam Yep.

1:28:54 Drew Like a clock?

1:28:56 Adam Okay.

1:28:56 Drew Okay.

1:28:57 Adam Now she's done.

1:28:57 Kobe Tai Are you stressed out about something? Maybe a semester test or something?

1:29:02 Well, yeah, kind of, like just family problems.

1:29:05 Drew All right. Well, that in itself is enough to cause you to miss your period. Other things, thyroid problems, plenty of other things that can do it too.

1:29:12 Adam So does she not worry about it if she hasn't had sex?

1:29:14 Drew It's less of an issue. If it goes more than three months, have it checked out. But it's probably going to be nothing.

1:29:20 Adam Nick?

1:29:20 Caller Yeah?

1:29:21 Adam You went down on your girlfriend?

1:29:22 Caller Yeah.

1:29:23 Drew Oh, you're just going to go through all this secret lecture song?

1:29:25 Adam I got to get to the theme song for Taboo II. You went down on your girlfriend. Her stomach and clitoris started hurting.

1:29:33 Caller Yeah, like that night her stomach was hurting and she said she had to go pee.

1:29:39 Drew Well, she had a urine infection probably.

1:29:41 Caller And then that's what it is.

1:29:44 Drew She has a urine infection? Yeah, of course.

1:29:46 Adam Is that what that is?

1:29:48 Kobe Tai It burned when she went tinkle?

1:29:50 Adam Yeah.

1:29:50 Kobe Tai Okay, yeah, she's got a urine infection.

1:29:52 Adam Okay, there you go. Should we take one more call or should we go right to the theme?

1:29:58 Drew No, one more, please.

1:29:58 Adam Okay, what do you want, four, two? Denise, you're 32?

1:30:03 Caller Yep.

1:30:03 Adam What's your question?

1:30:04 Caller I want to know if I send you a blank videotape, I want a copy of the Taboo II video.

1:30:09 Caller Why?

1:30:11 Caller Because we watch videos often and it must be pretty good if you went to all that trouble to get a copy.

1:30:15 Drew Who's we?

1:30:16 Caller My boyfriend and I.

1:30:17 Drew I understand Adam is not alleging this is good, it's just that it's a piece of his youth, a lost piece. It's something he cut his teeth on, if you will.

1:30:27 Adam Yeah, it's a missing piece of my pants.

1:30:30 Kobe Tai It's his woobie blanket.

1:30:31 Drew Hasn't the song that he's been singing tonight over and over convinced you that this is maybe not a great piece of art?

1:30:36 Caller Well, I just started listening, I kind of got a piece of his vocal.

1:30:40 Kobe Tai Would you like to hear it again?

1:30:41 Adam You didn't get the whole song?

1:30:42 Drew Whether you'd like to or not, you're going to.

1:30:44 Adam Well, hang on, Denise, I'm going to sing that. And no, I will not copy you off a copy of that, because each time you play the video without masturbating, is one less time it can be masturbated to. Do you see what I'm saying?

1:31:00 Drew Cosmic universal scale of justice.

1:31:01 Adam Well, look at it this way. It is not an infinite number of times. It is finite. When you play a video, maybe it's played 100 times, maybe it's played 153 times, but there is a number. And when you start copying them off, that is one less.

1:31:17 Drew That you can play a video before it rips apart or something?

1:31:20 Adam Well, I'm just saying they have a number. A number.

1:31:23 Drew Maybe that number is 20,000. You think you're going to get up there?

1:31:26 Adam Doesn't matter.

1:31:27 Kobe Tai You feel like it's a waste.

1:31:29 Adam I don't want it to stop out at 19,999. You understand, if I'm masturbating and the thing breaks because I peeled Denise off a copy five years earlier, I'm going to go after and kill her.

1:31:44 Drew This piece will be willed in perpetuity. It's going to go through many Corolla generations. It's going to be a piece of a time capsule, too. It's going to be a time capsule, too, I suppose.

1:31:53 Adam That's why I want to suck. All right, let's move forward with the show here and sing the theme song to Taboo II with the beautiful Tobey.

1:32:05 I mean, Tobey, that's a better way.

1:32:07 Adam Tobey Tai, the beautiful adult film star. Tobey Kai.

1:32:12 Kobe Tai I do it all the time.

1:32:13 Adam You ready? We got it? All right, now let's really kick this one up a notch.

1:32:18 Kobe Tai All right, here we go.

1:32:19 Adam The theme song to Taboo II, Adam Carolla, Kobe Tai. Here we go.

1:32:23 Two, three, four.

1:33:39 Adam It keeps getting better. It gets better, Drew.

1:33:42 Jesus Christ in heaven.

1:33:48 Adam I got to tell you, there was a real bit of magic that took place.

1:33:53 Adam At the beginning, about a third into it, when Kobe and I both dropped their scripts, and we just looked at each other in the eye, and we pointed at each other.

1:34:07 Drew I guess I was the only one that actually was present during that moment, actually witnessed it.

1:34:11 Adam We were not in this room, is what I'm saying.

1:34:14 Drew It was like a sunny share moment.

1:34:16 Adam We transcended the material, the studio, the audio.

1:34:21 Drew It was just me and you.

1:34:22 Adam It was just me and you.

1:34:23 Drew Let's continue to transcend, and we'll be right back.

1:34:25 Adam This is this crazy mixed up world, horns honking, violence, the economy, pollution, but for that one split second, it was just me and Kobe.

1:34:36 Kobe Tai I'm feeling a little bit clumped.

1:34:38 Adam Thank you. We'll be back.

1:34:47 Caller Love Line will be right back.

1:35:20 Adam All right, here we go. kobetai.com, check it out.

1:35:24 Drew Please bookmark drdrew.com. Check out the things we've been talking about tonight. You can find out more about at drdrew.com. The chats are up and running and they are state of the art. Get involved there.

1:35:34 Adam vividvideo.com and we should print the lyrics to Taboo II on the drdrew.com.

1:35:43 Drew If you want to.

1:35:44 Adam Why don't you do that, Drew?

1:35:45 Drew No, it's going to be your little expression, your self-expression. We are going to put it in the forums.

1:35:49 Adam I'll put that up there.

1:35:50 Drew On your behalf, I'll put it up there.

1:35:51 Adam You'll get some hits, all right? Get the lyrics to that. Okay.

1:35:55 Drew Just some feedback for you.

1:35:56 Adam Really learn.

1:35:57 Drew All right. It's done. It is done.

1:35:59 Adam You kids are so-

1:36:00 Drew You're that guy, you're putting it up to my wife.

1:36:02 Adam You're so into this grunge rock and stuff. But let's hear about some real music, some real lyrics, lyrics that mean stuff, songs about guys raping their sister and mom.

1:36:14 Kobe Tai At the same time. Yes, he does.

1:36:18 Drew I have to go to sleep. I have to go to sleep right away.

1:36:21 Kobe Tai Who knows how to please in every detail.

1:36:26 Drew We're out of time.

1:36:27 Adam All right. That is it. God bless you, Kobe Tai.

1:36:30 Kobe Tai Thank you for having me. And do it with style.

1:36:38 Adam What he does, he does it on me.

1:36:45 Drew Here we go.

1:36:46 Okay.

1:36:48 Adam Until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Well now.

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Tuesday, December 28, 1999