Episode 1000754887661

2:30 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

2:33 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

2:37 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

2:39 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

2:41 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

2:43 Voiceover Loveline.

2:46 Adam Here it is, Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, facts number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is Trevor Goddard from, I just tried to say it like g'day, from JAG, CBS, Tuesday Nights. Of course, you know, the beautiful Catherine Bell who's been on this show from JAG. And I think that's been it from JAG on this show, by the way.

3:18 Drew No, I had the, on the web, on a webcast and I'm blanking on her name.

3:22 Adam That's good radio.

3:24 Trevor Goddard I don't know.

3:25 Adam It's not Catherine Bell.

3:26 Drew Not Catherine Bell.

3:27 Trevor Goddard But Carrie Turner.

3:28 Drew Not Carrie Turner.

3:29 Trevor Goddard No.

3:30 Adam Carrie Turner. I know Carrie Turner.

3:32 Trevor Goddard You do?

3:32 Adam Yeah, she's a good looking blonde, right?

3:34 Trevor Goddard Yeah. Yeah.

3:35 Adam Yeah. My roommate Ralph from the morning show dated her.

3:39 Drew Ralph?

3:40 Adam Yeah. Carrie Turner.

3:41 Drew She must be a loser.

3:43 Adam Tell Carrie, tell Carrie I said hi next time you see her.

3:46 Trevor Goddard Yeah. You got it, bud.

3:47 Adam Anyone else, Drew? Was it someone else? Yes. Anyway, Trevor plays Lieutenant Commander Mick Brumby. He's the guy from Down Under with a law degree. I always insult the guests at this part of the show when I say how surprising it is that the show's worked out so well. But the show, it didn't seem like it got out of the shoot with a ton of momentum, but it's been building steadily over the months and over the years. And it's doing real well, isn't it?

4:20 Trevor Goddard Yeah, it got cancelled by NBC, I believe, the first season they came out, and CBS picked it up. And now I think it regularly rates in the top ten.

4:31 Adam Yeah, it's kind of, I don't know, I guess shows like that, that are a little more complex and have characters that you have to get to know, take a little while to sink in, whereas a sitcom can be number one three or four weeks into the run.

4:46 Trevor Goddard Right.

4:47 Adam A show like this, it seems like it builds slowly.

4:50 Trevor Goddard Yeah, you got to get to know everybody and all the complex, you know, dialogue and whatever for the courtroom stuff. So you can obviously tell that I have no idea what I'm saying.

5:03 Adam You're not really a lawyer.

5:07 Trevor Goddard Yeah. I've been nicked a few times. That's busted.

5:13 Adam I like everyone from Australia. You're from Australia, right?

5:16 Trevor Goddard Well, I spent a day there, but yeah.

5:20 Adam Not New Zealand or some candy ass place like that.

5:22 Trevor Goddard That's right.

5:23 Adam Australia is good because the guys are regular guys. They like to drink, they like to brawl, but they like to say good times and good day, and they like to hug and get drunk more. And there's no gay guys in Australia, is there?

5:39 Well, I don't know, mate.

5:40 Adam See?

5:41 Trevor Goddard Give us a kiss and I'll let you know.

5:45 Adam Us means Trevor and his penis. All right. Well, I've never been there. Everyone tells me it's just like a big party. There's a lot of space and a lot of beer and a lot of people drunk having a good time.

5:59 Trevor Goddard That's right. Come over, mate. We'll show you a good time.

6:01 Adam Is it all, is the entire economy based around tourism because my picture, and I don't want to insult you, but I picture Australia by a bunch of people that are just drunk sitting around waiting for people to come over and drop off money.

6:15 Trevor Goddard That sounds about right. That's what I do.

6:19 Adam So when did you start your acting in Australia?

6:22 Trevor Goddard No, mate. I came over here about 13 years ago as a professional boxer.

6:26 Adam That's right.

6:27 Trevor Goddard And got a little lucky. Budweiser approached me. And when I was having a fight at the Forum, asked if I wanted to do a commercial. I said, yeah, better than being horizontal champion. So I went from there and knock on wood, just kept going.

6:45 Adam And what was your record? How long did you fight?

6:47 Trevor Goddard I was 59 and won as an amateur and 8-1-1 as a pro.

6:51 Adam 8-1-1. Wow. So it was going along okay.

6:53 Trevor Goddard It was going all right. Yeah.

6:55 Adam And you stopped fighting though about 10 years ago or 12, 13, right after this?

7:01 Trevor Goddard Yeah. Last fight was in 91. Yeah. Wow.

7:04 Adam Light heavyweight.

7:05 Trevor Goddard Yeah, light heavyweight.

7:06 Adam You were fighting any guys we heard of?

7:10 Trevor Goddard Keith McMurray was my last fight and he was-

7:13 Adam You're the dad from My Three Sons.

7:15 Drew Oh, I heard of him.

7:16 Adam No, it's Fred. It was his brother, Keith. Ever get, let's see the- You ever hear of the triplets who fight from- I'm trying to think of which one of them say light heavyweight. Mike Weaver's.

7:32 Trevor Goddard Oh, the Weaver brothers? Yeah. Yeah. I sparred with him a couple of times.

7:36 Adam Oh, you did? I used to work with those guys.

7:37 Trevor Goddard Troy, Troy. I think it's Troy. Troy, Lloyd and Floyd. Yeah.

7:42 Adam Yeah.

7:42 Well, those guys were shot.

7:46 Drew That's why they're fighters.

7:47 Adam Mike Weaver was.

7:48 Drew Pissed off.

7:48 Adam Mike Weaver is an ex-heavyweight champion. Back in the mid-80s when they had that real revolving. Ronaldo snipes and guys like that were going in.

7:59 Trevor Goddard Shivers, all those guys.

8:01 Drew Didn't the belts go in the direction this time?

8:03 Adam Well, there was this weird little time that was sort of after Ali and maybe before Holmes or a little bit after Holmes, but it was before Tyson. And it was just kind of a hodgepodge of guys coming in and out. But Mike Weaver was one of those guys. Now, Mike Weaver, who I used to work with at Bodies in Motion, is like 44, 45, maybe 46. Now, he is still a brick ass house, this guy. I mean, not an ounce of fat on him.

8:31 Trevor Goddard He was ripped up.

8:32 Adam 235 pounds, 46 years old.

8:35 Trevor Goddard He couldn't break an egg, but he looked good.

8:37 Adam A brick house. Nice guy, though. And he has three triplet brothers, probably from some other dad or something. I don't know what it is, Lloyd Floyd and Troy. Anyway, they're real nice guys. I know one of them is a light heavyweight, so. That was the question. All right, so where the hell were we? We're going to the phones. That's where we're going. Alan?

9:00 Drew 19.

9:01 Adam You're 19 years old.

9:03 Caller Right. OK, my question is, I'm currently dating a stripper, and about three months ago I tested positive for chlamydia. And my doctor had told me that that had been, my body had become immune to that. My first question was, is the doctor didn't give me any treatment for that. Can that still be passed on?

9:26 Drew This story is rather strange, Alan. I got to tell you that.

9:29 Adam Guys don't normally get chlamydia, do they?

9:31 Drew No, yeah, they do, but there's no such thing.

9:32 Adam Not that often.

9:33 Drew Oh, yeah.

9:33 Adam We don't hear about it.

9:34 Drew Oh, yeah.

9:35 Adam We do?

9:35 Drew Yeah, it's just what they don't get is this sort of chronic chlamydia that results in infertility. But they get, every time it hurts when they pee, it's basically chlamydia.

9:43 Adam Right.

9:43 Drew That's basically what that is.

9:44 Adam It's a confusing name, you know?

9:45 Drew That is to prove another one.

9:47 Adam For guys.

9:47 Drew I'd say you don't like the name.

9:49 Adam NAD media or something. They ought to change it to a more masculine title, so guys fear it. Guys don't fear things that start with Clit. We go after them. We pursue those. You know what I mean?

10:01 Drew Our colleagues seem to have problems with things that start with Clit.

10:04 Adam Listen, if you change it from cancer to Clitster, guys would be praying that they came down with it.

10:09 Drew All right. But you don't get immunity to it. You always can get re-infected with Chlamydia. I think what he's saying is that you must have had some blood tests that showed evidence of an immune response to Chlamydia.

10:22 Caller Right. The test I have is Chlamydia, pneumonia, or PNEU.

10:27 Drew Yeah, that's for pneumonia.

10:29 Trevor Goddard What didn't you wear a rubber mask?

10:31 Drew Hey, Alan?

10:32 Adam Yeah.

10:32 Drew Alan, you have not talked to your doctor.

10:34 Caller Yes, I have.

10:35 All right.

10:35 Caller I got tested.

10:36 Drew Alan, Alan, Alan. The Chlamydia that causes sexually transmitted diseases is Chlamydia trachomatis, not Chlamydia pneumoniae. Chlamydia pneumoniae causes sore throat and pneumonia.

10:48 All right.

10:48 Drew So I don't know what the hell they were up to there, unless you came in with a cough or something.

10:54 Caller No, actually I found out when my ex-girlfriend tested.

10:56 Drew Okay. That's not a worthwhile test.

10:58 Adam Let me talk to Trevor first. You know what I love about this show? The next caller will call in and say to Drew, are you a real doctor or just a love doctor? Now, he's not reading out any book, he's not looking at any teleprompter, he didn't make any notes on this call, he just knows all this crazy Latin-esque.

11:17 Trevor Goddard He's a clever bloke, isn't he?

11:18 Adam Yeah. See, when you don't smoke pot, that's what you can do.

11:22 Trevor Goddard I've got a couple of questions for you later, mate.

11:24 Drew What are you doing down there? It's fine.

11:26 Adam Alan? All right, so can he pass that to a stripper girlfriend?

11:30 Drew No, but this girlfriend is a stripper, a 19-year-old stripper. How old were you when you had a stripper girlfriend?

11:34 Adam When I was a stripper or when I dated one?

11:36 Drew When you dated one.

11:37 Adam I see, because I was 14 when I was stripping in Mexico. That was for a while. That was his first summer. It was his summer gig. Uncle Oswaldo owned a club out there just south of the board.

11:49 Drew It just seems to me. Oh, yes.

11:51 Adam I dated a stripper, Lindsay or Catelyn. That was her stage name. I must have been 26.

12:03 Drew 19, kind of young.

12:05 Adam If you're dating strippers at 19, you're doing pretty good.

12:08 Drew Is that good or bad?

12:10 Adam Well, it's tough to date strippers at 19. Most guys don't have whatever it takes.

12:16 Trevor Goddard Why did he get the disease from the stripper?

12:19 Drew No, he's worried about giving it to her. You aren't giving anything to anybody because you've not been tested for chlamydia yet, Alan. You don't know what you've got. You don't have chlamydia pneumonia, obviously.

12:28 Adam Alan, how'd you land the stripper at 19?

12:32 Caller Actually, we had dated in my sophomore year in high school, and I just found out a couple months ago she was stripping, so I went to go see her.

12:38 Adam All right, okay, all right, all right, yeah, that doesn't count. It's like dating a celebrity before he or she becomes a celebrity. It doesn't really count unless they become a model, in which case it counts, because that's only based on how good they look.

12:54 Drew Well, but every model you and I have ever spoken to all claim ugly in high school.

12:59 Adam They were gawky, they were tall, they were gangly, and they couldn't get dates, couldn't get dates. Never went to the prom. Please. That's right, yeah. Claudia Schiffer was a real pig in high school. I bet the guys just made fun of her. Sean?

13:16 Drew Surprised you're giving a go to high school.

13:17 Adam Yeah, probably got stoned.

13:19 Drew No, no, but you'd have to be schooled at home.

13:22 Adam Yeah, because you'd be raped at high school. That was probably it. Sean?

13:25 Yeah.

13:26 Adam You're fifteen?

13:27 Yeah.

13:27 Adam What's up?

13:28 Alright, like in the last year, like my body like became, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cuss, like.

13:35 Drew You know what Adam does with people that aren't concentrating, right?

13:37 Alright.

13:38 Drew Alright, Sean.

13:38 It became all sensitive and stuff, like whenever I'm with a girl and stuff like that, I'll like, I'll be making out with her, I'll just roll up on her and stuff and I'll like, I'll come for no reason.

13:48 Adam Right.

13:49 I don't know if it's because, like of what I've been doing, like lately in the last year I've been like, smoking a lot and drinking and stuff like that. But like last year that, when it happened like, like on New Year's Eve, like I got head from two girls and it like, it went so fast it was like, like I didn't even know what happened.

14:09 Adam Two girls?

14:10 Yeah.

14:11 Trevor Goddard Lucky blood mate, what are you complaining about?

14:13 Adam Two, oh wait a minute. You got oral sex last, wait a minute, last New Year's Eve, I mean three days ago?

14:21 Yeah.

14:22 Adam Three days ago at 15.

14:23 Drew By the way, I don't think you referred to last New Year's when it was yesterday.

14:27 Adam Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't.

14:29 Drew If you ain't the grand daddy of all liars.

14:32 Adam Now listen to me, is this one fat girl with two mouths or is this two separate women?

14:40 It's two different girls.

14:42 Adam I don't believe it.

14:43 I swear to God.

14:44 Adam How did you manage that? Did you know both of them?

14:48 Drew Wait a minute, Adam, you gotta, just shut up. Wait a second, you gotta put this in historical context. Remember what's going on with 13, 14, 15 year olds?

14:52 Adam I know.

14:53 Drew That's part of making out. What went on?

14:57 Adam What went on? Yeah, I mean.

14:58 Drew So they're freaked out that you're freaked out.

15:00 Okay.

15:01 Adam I'm not pissed off. I'm not freaked out.

15:03 I'm not scared. It's just like, it pissed me off that it happened so quick.

15:06 Trevor Goddard Well, what happened?

15:07 Well, like first, I was making out with this one, the first one, and then I was going to like, I know you hate this word, but I was going to try to finger banger.

15:15 Trevor Goddard Oh, I'm getting no sensitive myself now, man. I got to take it right.

15:21 But she's like, she said, oh yeah, I'm on my period. Then I was like, well, hey, I'm not on mine, so you can go down there if you want.

15:30 Drew Shonda's like smooth.

15:33 Adam Yeah.

15:34 And then so.

15:35 Drew The command of language.

15:36 So she went down and she gave me a head, and then like that one, it lasted like a minute, and then I was like, all right, I don't know what happened, sorry.

15:45 Right.

15:47 Drew Look, he's concerned about the fact that he jacked it so quickly.

15:50 Adam And then how did the second one come along?

15:53 Well, I just ditched that one because I wanted a new one. So it's New Year's. You got to go with it as many as you can.

15:58 Drew Yeah.

15:59 Adam Oh, please. Sean, this is nonsense. You're 15.

16:03 Caller Come on.

16:03 Trevor Goddard Take some valium, settle down.

16:06 Drew Probably he did say using it in drugs and alcohol stuff.

16:08 Caller Well, I don't like really all that much.

16:10 Adam That's not going to make you more sensitive, is it, Drew? It's going to numb you up.

16:14 Drew Yeah. Some guys can become a little more sensitive with these things, but not to that extent.

16:18 Adam No, this is just being 15.

16:21 Drew Yeah. He needs to pick up a little Corolla method here.

16:23 Adam Yeah. What's that? Stay home and masturbate?

16:28 Drew Yeah.

16:29 Adam And cry?

16:30 Drew And nap.

16:31 Adam And nap? That's right.

16:34 Drew But he does need a little touch of the Corolla.

16:37 Adam That was my New Year's Resolution. More crying, napping and masturbating. Not in that order, though. But more. More of that. All right. And did anyone make... I don't make New Year's Resolutions. Anyone? Trevor, you make any of those?

16:54 Trevor Goddard No, no, really.

16:56 Adam No. I don't trust people that... You know what?

16:58 Drew It's like be better. Do better.

17:00 Trevor Goddard Yeah, you're right.

17:02 Adam Yeah. I don't trust people in general who say like, here's been my approach to life and it's... Actually, it's only worked out in the last six months or so. But here's my approach anyway. A lot of people do like, they're like, I'm going to eat... I'm going to eat a six-pound block of butter that's been rolled in sugar because I'm starting my diet next week, or I'm going to quit smoking on this date, or I'm going to start my diet on this date, or I'm going to do whatever on this date. And I would always say, why don't you just start cutting back now? No, no, no, no, no, no. Now, I'm going to start on this date, New Year's or my birthday or whatever it is. Those people never seem to start that date, or they do that date, but then three days later they're back with it, and then when they're on, they're on.

17:52 Trevor Goddard They're ready for the next date.

17:54 Adam Right. And my thing is, you want to start your diet, just don't eat so much tonight. Yeah, but you don't have to not eat a week from now, just don't eat so much tonight. That's not fun for people, or there's nothing to hang their hand on, or it's not alluring, or there's no BS in it. I think it's like it's too real. It's not fun enough. Better just to eat the entire pizza, you'll start the diet next week.

18:17 Drew It's not gratifying, yeah.

18:19 Adam Right. All right. Dustin?

18:22 Yeah?

18:22 Adam You're 15?

18:23 Caller Yeah.

18:23 Adam What's up? You're on with Trevor Goddard from JAG. CBS, eight o'clock Tuesday nights.

18:29 Trevor Goddard That's a good idea.

18:31 Adam Okay.

18:32 Anyway, my question was that, Adam, can I get a copy of the theme song from Taboo 2?

18:38 Adam Oh, that's right.

18:38 Drew I mean, just the words or an actual copy of the music?

18:41 Caller An actual copy of just the music.

18:43 Drew This thing we're hearing in the background?

18:44 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

18:46 Drew By the way, I'm going to post, as soon as we get our forums back operating again, I'm going to post the lyrics at drdrew.com if people want to check that out.

18:53 Adam Dustin, did you like that theme song? Oh, yes. Yeah, it was nice. I think we ought to let Trevor hear it. Trevor, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

19:03 Trevor Goddard 34.

19:04 Adam 34. So I'm 35, so we're about the same age. So I didn't grow up in a house that had a VCR in it, because this was considered space-age technology to my father. But the point is, is I got hold of a porn movie when I was about 19, and I didn't even have a VCR, but my buddy had one, and I used to watch it. It was his porn movie, and it was Taboo 2, and I haven't seen it since I was 19, and I miss it. It's like an old girlfriend. And I found it the other day. Actually, I didn't really find it. I hunted it down, yeah. And I got hold of it, and I heard the old theme song that I hadn't heard since I was 19, and like a Pavlovian dog, my penis began to salivate. And the theme song goes a little something like this. It's really enjoyable. You got it?

19:58 Drew Well, just set the scene.

19:59 Adam Well, Taboo II is a movie that chronicles the life of Junior, who is a young teenage boy who is having sex with his mom and raping his sister. So they wrote a song about it, much like they wrote about Tom Loveline in, what the hell was that movie? Billy Jack. The strong theme song.

20:23 Drew Very much of a Billy Jack type theme.

20:25 Adam Yeah, yeah. Let's just hear the song. I really enjoy this. Gotta listen to the lyrics. He has it all. Yes, he does. So far, it's true. It's his wife, his mom, and his sister. Oh, yes, he does. That's good writing. This is the part that discusses how complex he is. But you don't.

21:08 Trevor Goddard See that?

21:08 Adam You don't know him. He's getting his mom and his sister.

21:23 Trevor Goddard Yep.

21:25 Adam I don't know if this is the sister singing or the mom singing. Here's the good part. True. So that's classic. None of the synthesizer crap you hear in today's porn movies.

21:45 Drew Aside from the fact that I find it just an eerie, offensive window into the 70s, the fact that this probably drives money for ASCAP that they deliver right to these A-holes is more than I can bear. Oh, please.

21:57 Adam Listen, his mom and sister were asking for it. Please.

22:02 Jesus Christ in heaven.

22:04 Drew Thank you.

22:05 Adam That's a handy dick, by the way. All right. So no, Dustin, I cannot get you a copy of the tamper.

22:10 Drew But again, I will post the lyrics if people do seem interested in that, the forums at drdrew.com. I'm going to do it.

22:15 Adam Yeah, why not?

22:16 Drew I've got the damn thing in my car. The lyrics.

22:19 Adam Yeah, we transcribed the lyrics. Larry?

22:22 Yeah.

22:22 Adam You're 25.

22:23 Caller Yeah.

22:24 Adam What's up?

22:25 Caller Hey, I'm real nervous, but I think you guys are great.

22:29 Trevor Goddard Thank you. Here's the deal.

22:30 Caller I came out over the weekend to a couple of friends, and it was a real long road for me, and for a long time, I just didn't want to be gay and all that kind of stuff. But I finally got the guts and came out to a couple of people.

22:45 Drew How's it feel? How do you feel about it?

22:48 Caller I'm happy. I really have a huge burden lifted off of me.

22:53 Drew I really believe that there's a right time to do this, and it sounds like you really thought it out and were careful with it.

22:58 Caller Yeah, I did. I plotted for a very long time.

23:01 Adam Okay. But didn't most of the people you told say they knew anyway?

23:06 Caller No, actually, they were absolutely floored. I put on a good front because I was nailing chicks, and I was going out, and I was living the straight lifestyle just like anybody else, and all the time, I knew I was gay. Yeah, and well, my problem is I work in a very hetero environment, and I just got this job about six months ago.

23:34 Drew What does that mean?

23:35 Caller What do you mean?

23:36 Drew A very hetero environment.

23:37 Adam What do you mean? What does it mean?

23:38 Caller There's no one gay there.

23:40 Drew Yeah.

23:41 Caller They're very close minded. You know, I mean...

23:45 Adam Where are you calling from?

23:47 Caller Ohio.

23:48 Adam Ohio. What kind of industry? In the feed and grain industry or something?

23:52 Caller I work in Florida, but I work in radio. Yeah.

23:56 Adam Yeah, there's not a lot of gay guys in radio.

23:58 Caller Yeah.

23:59 Adam You know why?

24:00 Drew They're all on TV.

24:01 Adam They're all on TV. Here's the thing about gays. As funny as they are, they're creative. They're really super creative. Radio doesn't like creative people. They toss them right out on their ass. They're like diligent robots who just get up there and ring cowbells and tell you what time it is every 10 seconds.

24:20 Caller I've only been in the business for two years and I'm already in market 20. I mean, it doesn't take a lot of talent to be in radio.

24:26 Adam No, no, just get in early.

24:28 Caller Yeah, it's monkey work. You're just one rung above being a rodeo clown or something like that.

24:35 Drew Don't go too far with this guy. I'm getting offended.

24:37 Adam Well, no, but radio is almost a blue collar type of entertainment. I mean, it's art, but not really.

24:47 Caller Yeah, you're trying to be like Hollywood and stuff, but you're not.

24:51 Adam Right. Okay, so there's not a lot of gay guys in it.

24:54 Caller There's no.

24:55 Adam So you've got to get into television where it's only gay guys.

24:59 Drew Well, but there's also.

25:00 Adam Trevor. I mean, behind the camera is what I'm talking about.

25:04 Drew I've not found a lot of.

25:05 Trevor Goddard Yeah, but I've got a face for it.

25:07 Drew Hey, Larry, I've not found a lot of people in radio to be closed minded, per se.

25:11 Caller Right. Well, that's true, but where I work, it's like it's very conservative and they're not open.

25:17 Drew It's a WKRP.

25:19 Adam Yeah. That's the way you're real close. Hey, Larry, listen, who cares who you're blowing once you're on the clock?

25:26 Caller Yeah.

25:27 Adam When you're on the clock, you're off the rhymes with clock. So who cares? Just shut up. You don't have to tell everyone.

25:37 Drew Well, it shouldn't matter.

25:38 Adam It's not going to matter.

25:39 Drew It's going to be a GD business.

25:41 Adam That's what I'm going to put in the men's bathroom, by the way, if ever open a radio station. Once you're on the clock, you're off the sea. It sounds like clock. You know what I'm saying?

25:51 Drew Remove the L.

25:53 Adam There you go. When I worked at McDonald's, there was this sign that said time to lean, time to clean. But I think this one would have been even more apropos.

26:04 Drew Let's give Larry a few strokes. He seems like a great guy. He's come out. He's honest about who he is. He's clear about it. He's got 20 markets going to radio label.

26:12 Adam Yeah, but he's-

26:14 Drew How many years were we in radio before we got 10 markets?

26:17 Adam No, he's working in a top 20 market. You were in the number two market, your first radio job. So not a good example. He has 20 stations. I went from swinging a hammer to being in the number two market. So Larry is a relative loser compared to us, Drew. Please, let's not build him up. Don't talk about giving strokes to gay guys. It sounds funny.

26:38 Drew You're gay.

26:38 Adam All right. But listen, he's doing fine. Here's the thing. I know it feels good, but stifle yourself a little bit at work. I mean, he's feeling liberated now, and he's got a lot of momentum because he's been keeping this inside for a while. He wants to share it. He wants to get on the intercom. Attention.

26:59 Drew WKRP.

27:00 Adam Yes. He's going to feed it to everyone in the hallways. Just relax. That's all right. His friends know, his close family members, maybe.

27:08 Drew Thank God he didn't try to live his life out as a heterosexual.

27:11 Adam That's right.

27:12 Drew Knowing otherwise.

27:12 Adam Like I'm trying to do. We're going to take ourselves unsuccessfully, I might add. Trevor Goddard is here from JAG, 8 o'clock Tuesday night, CBS, and we'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to more troubled people. It's Loveline, I'm Adam, that is Drew, phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191. Trevor Goddard is here from JAG, CBS, 8 o'clock Tuesday nights. He plays Lieutenant Commander Mick Brumby, and JAG's in the top 10, thank you. I guess it's third season, fourth season?

28:17 Trevor Goddard No, it's the fifth season. Fifth season.

28:20 Adam Well, I guess it have to be, yeah, because we've had, Catherine Bell from the show has probably been on this show three years ago and it didn't start that day.

28:28 Trevor Goddard We're about to shoot the 100th episode, and we're going down to Sydney, Australia to do it. It's going to be a two-parter, and quite a big affair, I can imagine.

28:40 Adam Yeah. Where are you from in Australia?

28:42 Trevor Goddard Perth, the West Coast.

28:43 Adam Oh, sure.

28:44 Trevor Goddard Yeah.

28:45 Adam No, I know what Perth is. I know Perth because in the Dingo Boy theme song, he came from Australia and he searches every city, Melbourne, Queenstown, and Perth to find his parents' killer and put them in the earth. That's why I know Perth is in Australia, I think.

29:07 Trevor Goddard Who's the killer from Perth?

29:09 Adam Well, Dingo Boy, you don't know. Dingo Boy was a guy who was half man, half dingo. What happened is his parents were archaeologists and they're out in the outback.

29:22 Trevor Goddard I got a hairy back.

29:23 Adam They're in the outback. His parents were killed by an evil guy and he was raised by dingoes like they were his own. But when he got older, his human nature made him realize that it was time to leave the pack, and he had to search for the people who killed his parents. And he searched in Queenstown and Perth and other Australian places.

29:44 Drew Rudyard Kipling. Let's get on with the show here, shall we?

29:46 Trevor Goddard Ricky Ticky Tyvey.

29:48 Adam Run, run, dingo boy. All right. I, of course, played the lead dingo boy. Mike? Hey, how you doing? Good. You're 20.

29:59 Caller Yeah. I have a question. I'm a missionary for my church, the Mormon Church.

30:04 Adam Right. And we ride our bikes quite a bit.

30:07 Caller Yeah.

30:07 Adam Why do you guys ride bikes?

30:11 Caller Because it's sufficient with the price and all that. They don't have to spend money on cars.

30:16 Trevor Goddard Do you have the saddle on it?

30:18 Adam They didn't spring for seats. No. Do they buy you a bike? Is that it?

30:23 Caller No, we buy it ourselves.

30:24 Adam But are there? Okay. Let me ask you this. Okay. You go somewhere when you do these missionaries, right? Yeah. And like, you know, Donny Osmond was talking to us about that.

30:36 Drew Did Donny Osmond or his son have to ride a bike?

30:38 Adam I think they have mopeds, the Osmonds. They're kind of a step up. But you go somewhere, you could go to a different country, you could go to a different state, a different city. And then when you arrive there, what if you have money to buy a car? Can you get a car?

30:52 Caller No.

30:53 Adam No.

30:54 Caller Well, sometimes in some places, they provide a car. Like, I've been in a car where I've been in an area where we do have a car. So it depends on what size of an area.

31:05 Adam You get the Mormon mobile.

31:07 Caller It's the Toyota.

31:08 Adam Oh. That sounds good.

31:10 Drew Industry machine.

31:13 Adam And you guys never ride mountain bikes, though? Yeah. I have a mountain bike. Oh, you do? Yeah. And that's all right? Yeah. They don't mind you riding wheelies and bunny hopping and stuff? I mean, I never see the Mormon guys on the mountain bikes. They ride, you know, kind of bikes they normally ride, are those ones?

31:32 Drew From the 50s.

31:33 Adam Yeah, they ride the bikes that, like, every school had one geeky teacher that rode a bike to school. Like, oh, there, Mr. Birkenstock rides a bike, you know, it was that bike. It was kind of like the bike that the Wicked Witch rode on the Wizard of Oz before she turned in the Wicked Witch.

31:53 Caller Yeah, I've seen them.

31:53 Adam Yeah. You got a mountain bike?

31:55 Caller Yeah, I do.

31:56 Adam Hmm. I like this Today's Mormon.

32:00 Drew So, what's your question? What is your question?

32:03 Caller Well, since we do ride our bikes a lot, I'm wondering if that will affect me when I do have sex.

32:10 Drew What do you mean?

32:10 Caller Like, will I be potent and all that? I don't know.

32:13 Adam Yeah. Well, not only will you be potent, but you'll probably be able to keep at it for another 20 minutes.

32:19 Caller Good.

32:20 Adam You know, there's big strong thighs from pushing that bike around all day.

32:23 Drew Well, Mike, there actually is some concern about excessive bike riding and damage to the sort of underside where you sit down. Something called the pudendal nerve that runs right through there, and that's the one that goes to the nerve of the penis.

32:36 Caller Okay.

32:37 Drew And you can crush that and injure it and do all kinds of fun things to it.

32:39 Adam You think the good Lord would do that to one of his servants out spreading the good news?

32:43 Drew The important thing is that you have a well-

32:45 Adam Use your brain for a second.

32:47 Drew Well-padded seat.

32:48 Adam This guy's out trying to spread the good word, and the good Lord's going to cut the scrotum off.

32:55 Drew He's not- The Lord is not into men's spreading other things than the good word.

32:59 Adam Certainly, he wants a guy like young Mike to spread his seed sooner than he'd want some delinquent gang member from the inner city.

33:08 Drew He doesn't want the seed going too far.

33:09 Caller Rest assured I'll wait till I get married.

33:11 Adam All right. Are you a virgin now?

33:13 Caller Yes, I am.

33:14 Adam All right. You have to say that. Okay. That's what I used to say when I was 20. All right. All right, Mike. Hey, do you just ride around from house to house?

33:25 Caller No, to our appointments. If we go knocking on doors, we walk.

33:30 Adam I see.

33:30 Trevor Goddard Where do you live, mate?

33:32 Caller Right now I'm in Sacramento.

33:34 Caller That's where my mission is.

33:35 Trevor Goddard Oh, right.

33:35 Drew You're from Salt Lake City, though.

33:37 Caller I'm from Utah, like southern Utah.

33:39 Adam Right. And now you went to Sacramento. Not a bad gig.

33:42 Drew It's not the Sri Lanka or something like some guys get.

33:45 Adam Right.

33:45 Caller I have friends all over the world.

33:46 Drew I bet.

33:47 Adam Yeah. I mean, there's some pretty bad places you could go to. Yeah.

33:51 Caller I really like Sacramento.

33:52 Trevor Goddard So what do you do? Do you knock on people's door and try and convert them to be Mormon? Is that correct?

34:00 Caller Well, I guess that's basically it. Yeah. We just talk to those people that are willing to talk to us. We don't force anything. Right.

34:07 Trevor Goddard Right.

34:08 Adam And you figure if 1.30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday and they're still in their bathrobe, they got time.

34:15 Trevor Goddard Yeah.

34:15 Adam They got time.

34:16 Caller But they make excuses.

34:17 Adam Yeah. I know.

34:18 Caller All right.

34:19 Adam Listen. Good work.

34:20 Caller Hey. Love your show, guys.

34:21 Adam Keep it up.

34:22 All right. Bye-bye.

34:23 Adam Listen. I don't mind guys out there.

34:24 Trevor Goddard What about my show? Hold on. I might get him back.

34:27 Drew That's great.

34:28 Adam I don't mind guys out there on their bikes trying to get people in line.

34:32 Drew Yeah.

34:32 Adam There's no problem at all. That's why I got it.

34:34 Drew They need to go to the jail though. Much easier for them, wouldn't it?

34:38 Adam Just to ride the bike right into prison and convert some cons.

34:42 Drew I think that's where people find God.

34:43 Adam I think they get their bikes stolen. Christina.

34:47 Drew Hello.

34:48 Adam Hello. You're 15.

34:49 Drew Yeah.

34:49 Adam What's up?

34:51 About a week ago, I gave this guy blue balls, and I was wondering, does it take a long time for them to get over it, and do they get mad at you for doing that to them?

35:06 Adam Physically, he'll be fine in a couple of years. Emotionally, the scars will never heal.

35:11 Trevor Goddard David, what?

35:12 Adam Blue balls.

35:13 Trevor Goddard What's that?

35:15 Adam They must have another name for it, like Diggery Doo balls, or Roo balls, or something. Let's call them Roo balls in Australia.

35:26 Drew Just wait, wait, wait. What happened?

35:28 Adam Hold on. I want to talk to Trevor for a second. You know when you're with a bird, and you don't get any sex, but you've been making out for a long time? Basically, here's what happens. Your penis and scrotum think you're going to have sex, but as it turns out, you don't have sex.

35:47 Trevor Goddard So your bollocks will swell up.

35:48 Adam That's right. Well, they hurt. Yeah, they get sore.

35:52 Trevor Goddard Oh, yeah.

35:53 Adam Yeah, they call those blue balls.

35:54 Drew The bollocks, bollocks.

35:55 Trevor Goddard Yeah.

35:56 Adam Right. What do you guys call it? What do you call that in Australia? I don't know, mate.

35:59 Trevor Goddard I've never had it.

35:59 Adam That's never happened in Australia.

36:00 No, no, no.

36:01 Adam Australia.

36:02 We don't.

36:02 Trevor Goddard They don't have that.

36:03 Adam They just rape you in Australia. If it's more than 15 minutes with no sex, they start raping. It's never happened to anyone in Australia. All right. So, see, women think they're going to damage a guy with this.

36:16 Drew That's the game guys play.

36:17 Adam Yeah. Christina? So, how old was this guy?

36:21 Like 15.

36:23 Drew And what were you doing with him?

36:25 We were just in my room and then we were just kissing and everything.

36:28 Adam Yeah. And you didn't want to go any further?

36:31 No.

36:32 Drew That's perfectly fine. He's going to be fine.

36:34 Adam He'll be fine.

36:34 Drew Don't worry. He's just, he is just...

36:37 Trevor Goddard His ego's hurt.

36:38 Drew If he's pissed off, if he's angry, if he's angry merely because he didn't get as far physically as he intended and he doesn't care enough about you to kind of maintain the relationship, forget him. It's over. He would have left you anyway.

36:52 Adam Okay. Christina, you sound like a particularly young 15.

36:57 Drew Naive 15.

36:58 Yeah.

36:59 Adam So, you do know that men are evil, right? Okay.

37:02 Drew Good.

37:03 Adam Like your dad, right?

37:04 Uh-huh.

37:05 Adam Yeah. Where's he?

37:07 I don't live with my dad.

37:08 Adam Yeah.

37:09 Drew I knew that.

37:09 Adam All right. See? He's evil?

37:12 Yep.

37:12 Adam Okay. He ever do anything bad to you?

37:15 Nope.

37:16 Adam Okay. But maybe to your mom?

37:18 No.

37:18 Adam Well, how do you know he's evil then?

37:19 Drew He just left.

37:20 No, because I haven't seen my dad in a year. He's been in and out of our lives.

37:29 Drew Do you hear her voice changing?

37:30 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

37:32 Wow.

37:34 Trevor Goddard Do you miss him?

37:36 Yeah. He expects us to forgive him for all the things he did to my mom.

37:43 Drew Like what?

37:44 Like he used to beat on my mom.

37:46 Drew Well, that's what Adam's saying.

37:47 Adam What am I asking about that? Well, yeah. All right. So he used to beat on your mom?

37:50 Yeah.

37:51 Adam Yeah. Okay. I can always hear it in the voice. Hey, Christina?

37:56 Yeah.

37:56 Adam But good. You stopped this guy. You didn't go any further with him. What happened? Why didn't you go any further?

38:02 I just felt that I wasn't ready.

38:04 Adam Oh, my God.

38:05 Trevor Goddard Good. Good.

38:06 Adam Good.

38:06 Trevor Goddard Good.

38:06 Adam You'll never be ready. Christina, listen to me.

38:10 Caller Yes.

38:10 Adam I'll call you and tell you when you're ready, okay?

38:13 Caller Okay.

38:13 Drew See you in 2020.

38:14 Adam It'll be about 14 years.

38:17 Caller Yeah.

38:18 Okay?

38:19 Adam Wait by the phone.

38:20 Okay.

38:21 Adam If you take a shower, take it off the hook so it's busy. So I think you're talking on the other line. I'll call you back, all right?

38:25 Okay.

38:26 Adam All right. Yeah. You see, whenever you get that little girl thing, that unsure little girl voice, it always means dad is not around or dad did something bad. People always want to know how we know so much.

38:44 Drew No. How dare we?

38:45 Adam No. How dare we? Sorry. Thank you. What did I say? How we know so much? Well, no, I didn't finish that. What I mean is how do we claim to know so much about someone we've only spoken to for a couple of minutes and who we can't see in person and so on and so forth? But I say the reason we know so much is because we don't know them. I mean, we're totally unbiased. We hear it all for the first time and we make our decisions based on their voice, their inflection, their cadence and what they're telling us. But when you're looking at somebody, you can get caught up in that. I mean, you can caught up in their ethnicity, you can caught up in their weight, you get caught up in their beauty or their lack thereof. You can get caught up in a lot of stuff and when you know somebody well, you can get kind of screwed up with that too. Just hearing her voice, I know something's up.

39:35 Trevor Goddard Right, I feel so sorry for her.

39:37 Adam Yeah, oh wow.

39:38 Trevor Goddard But it seems like she's got a lot of common sense.

39:41 Drew Way more than the average for someone in this situation.

39:44 Trevor Goddard Yeah, good on her.

39:46 Drew Usually she'd be a great victim and she's at least not doing that. No, she's not. At least she's not doing that.

39:51 Adam All right, we are going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Leslie 16. She's got an update. She was involved with a, oh, she's involved in a murder. She talked to her mom.

40:04 Drew Remember this?

40:04 Adam Yeah. This is a couple of weeks ago. All right. We'll get to that after this.

40:10 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, back in a minute.

40:14 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Hole number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. What's on Engineer Anderson's fingertips, Drew? Did you just notice that?

40:58 Drew Oh my God, what is that?

40:59 Adam What the hell happened there?

41:01 Caller I got some severe burns on the New Year.

41:03 Drew From what?

41:04 Caller From a fire that they were-

41:05 Drew Crack pipe.

41:06 Adam Bong exploded.

41:07 Caller Some guys were protesting something in Seattle, and I didn't agree with their protest, so there was some fire handling and whatnot.

41:15 Drew Wow. Did you get into the Space Needle and all that stuff?

41:18 Caller Yeah, they shut all that down.

41:20 Drew Wow. What were the guys protesting?

41:21 Caller The WTO garbage still.

41:23 Adam They burnt a bra and Anderson dove on it, tried to save one of the cops.

41:28 Caller They burned a bridge.

41:29 Adam Really? Wow. You got burnt trying to- You must have been drunk.

41:33 Trevor Goddard Is this a true story?

41:35 Caller Oh yeah, I don't lie.

41:36 Adam What the hell were you doing in Seattle?

41:37 Drew This is home, isn't it?

41:38 Caller No, it's not my home.

41:39 Adam I work here.

41:40 Drew But I thought you had some history in Seattle or something.

41:43 Caller I just got really good friends that live there.

41:45 Adam There you go. I sat home and watched the Hollywood sign, which I can see pretty clearly from my house, and I thought it was going to be a big deal, and it didn't turn out to be too much. It made me realize LA just- I mean-

42:00 Drew The bland of the bland.

42:02 Adam Yeah. I mean, here's what you got with LA. LA is- I was thinking about it on the ride in, and we've spoken about this before. LA is a lot of transplants from other places. Right. And so you don't have a whole lot of civic pride because you're from Perth. I mean, you're not going to start a fire on your way home, but on the other hand, big deal if we have a football team or not. You've been going home to Perth in a few months. And LA is just chalked full of those people. That and illegal immigrants who don't care.

42:39 Drew That are 400 suburbs, which people are more attached to than LA per se.

42:43 Adam Right. So with that in mind, there's never any big events or anything over here that anyone really seems to care about too much. And the big millennium event was supposed to be the Hollywood sign, but they just pretty much took one of those things they put in front of the Christmas tree. It's got a light in it and it's got a little thing with colored, little wheel with colored plexiglass that turned around.

43:04 Drew Yeah, that's it.

43:05 Adam They got a real long extension cord and they plugged it in to my bathroom downstairs and they just ran it up. Now, they didn't have one for every letter, but I think one for every third letter.

43:15 Drew What happened to those things?

43:17 Trevor Goddard That is the throwback. But don't you think it's because LA has no real center?

43:21 Drew No culture, yeah.

43:23 Adam It doesn't have a center, it doesn't have a downtown that's particularly usable. It's spread out and it's chalked full of just Mexicans and Armenians and people that just, they could give a rat's ass about what's going on.

43:37 Drew I heard them promoting it though in an interesting way. They were saying, one thing we have in LA is big open skies, so we're going to fill them with airplanes and blimps and skydivers. And the other cities can't do that because we have all this sky that we can use. They didn't do that either, did they?

43:51 Adam Now, there's nothing going on. There was one.

43:53 Drew It would have filled, it would have required 400,000 aircraft.

43:57 Adam There was, I didn't see anything except for the Goodyear blimp was hovering over my house because it was trying to get a shot of the Hollywood sign. And the blimp had the time, the countdown running in letters, you know, message letters on the side of the blimp. I was drunk and stoned, stepped outside about 10.45 at night, looked up at the blimp, it said 11.57 and was counting down, you know. I panicked and stumbled back in. I told everyone to run back in. Apparently, they were just doing the countdown. Somebody surmised at my house that they were just doing it so that the film crew could get the shot of the blimp in the can, as they say, before the actual countdown went down. But still, it's quite a buzzkill when the blimp is flying over a big city, it's counting down. Many people have been drinking since the noon. You know, they trust the blimp more, they trust the clock on their microwave, and it sends them into a panic. All right, I'm suing the Goodyear Tire and Rubber Company for letting me consume so much. All right, where were we here?

45:07 Drew Talking to Leslie.

45:08 Adam Leslie?

45:09 Hello.

45:10 Adam So you're 16, and you're giving us this update.

45:13 It's not really an update. I'm just saying that Dr. Drew gave me a place to go to for therapy. But I talked to my mom recently, and she was basically just like chill out until she gets here for my birthday. And she said she'd be here before my birthday.

45:29 Drew Did you tell her everything was going on?

45:30 Adam Recap the story, please.

45:34 Basically, I haven't seen my parents since the middle of July.

45:37 Adam That's right. They travel.

45:39 Drew They're both alone since you were 13.

45:42 Adam They're both doctors, correct?

45:45 Yep.

45:45 Adam And they're like in Europe now, right?

45:48 Yeah.

45:49 Adam And you have a credit card.

45:52 Yeah.

45:53 Adam And they've been traveling around and leaving you alone for quite some time. You got involved with something where a friend was murdered, or at least an acquaintance was murdered.

46:02 Yeah.

46:03 Adam And you called your mother.

46:06 Yeah. I called my mom, but she flipped out. But I didn't tell her everything. I was just like, I'm in trouble with the law right now.

46:13 Adam Yeah. And you want to know if you could use a credit card for therapy, right?

46:18 Before? No. I just want to know if I can get therapy without my parents knowing, and if I could just like pay for it.

46:24 Adam With the credit card?

46:25 Drew Without them knowing it.

46:27 Yeah.

46:28 Drew I know.

46:29 Adam I'll do like a little love line reenactment because we're the world's stupidest callers on this show. And you wanted, meanwhile, I'm scrambling through my brain here. God knows what I took in over the weekend. I mean, I really shouldn't be here right now, Drew. I should be on an IV drip at home with my feet elevated. I drank so much, I smoked so much pot, I don't even know where I am. But I'm trying to recall this call that came two weeks ago, and she said two weeks ago, I have a credit card that my parents left me, and I want to know if I can use it to get therapy. So I say, so you want to know if you can use the credit card for therapy? No. I want to know if I can get therapy.

47:05 Drew Without my parents knowing.

47:06 Adam Without my parents knowing, using the credit card? Yes. So where does that leave us? Leslie?

47:13 It is two in the morning right now. I am dead tired.

47:15 Adam All right. Well, then just agree, it'll make it easier on you.

47:19 Okay.

47:19 Adam Jesus, I hate that.

47:21 But anyways, I just want to say and Dr. Drew was just like call back or whatever. I just want to say I can call back till April. Okay.

47:28 Drew You can't call back till April.

47:29 I can't because I have school and I'm just going to like die the next day.

47:33 Adam You can't stay up that late?

47:35 Well, I can, but I'm just going to be so tired. I'm just going to fall asleep through class.

47:39 Trevor Goddard It's only one day.

47:41 Drew All right. Listen. All right.

47:44 Adam So is your mom coming home or what?

47:46 Mom said she'd be home before my birthday.

47:47 Drew They've left you at home alone? You've got to tell somebody at school.

47:53 No, no. It's nothing. It's not a big deal.

47:56 Drew Leslie, it is a major, major deal.

47:59 I'm 16. It's not like I'm 9 again or something.

48:02 Drew You've been there since you were 13 left alone.

48:05 Adam Well, she's prepared now.

48:07 Drew And you were involved in some extraordinarily serious...

48:10 My dad said he'd get me the best lawyers in the country if anything gets out of proportion. So it's all fine. It's not like a big deal.

48:18 Adam This is your friend. What was the story again? Somebody got murdered and you were there.

48:23 One of my friends of mine got murdered, but it was a suicide.

48:26 Caller Okay.

48:27 Adam All right. All right.

48:28 Drew But there's a lot more going on here than the legal issues. And that's what we're concerned about also.

48:34 Adam Wow. It's like turned her into like a Fembot being alone. I mean, she has a real sort of kind of cold, kind of weird.

48:42 Drew Oh, yeah. I mean, that's the parents. It's like she's a grown up now. She doesn't need anything. How is it that the whole idea of parenting is that a couple thousand years of civilization is transferred over a lifetime?

48:54 Adam Hold on. Didn't we go over this crampy speech last week? Did I understand what you were talking about last week?

48:59 Drew The point is that you-

48:59 Adam The point is we got to go to commercial. But listen, here's what I want you to do. I want you to think it out this time and then do it in a more concise fashion that we can all understand. Thank you. We'll be back.

49:12 Caller Yo, Loveline, we'll be right back.

49:47 Adam Neat. It is Loveline. We're going to take a quick 10 second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

49:54 This is Loveline on Radio Station.

50:10 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Trevor Goddard is here from JAG, CBS, Tuesday nights, 8 o'clock. Trevor also has a movie coming out, Gut Feeling.

50:27 Trevor Goddard Yep.

50:27 Adam Let's talk about that. It has Julie Haggerty and Susan Blakely. Who, what's that about?

50:34 Trevor Goddard It's a little independent movie, and it's all sort of little vignettes that sort of all come together at the end about a guy who's trying to make a commercial. And yeah, very funny. Very, very, very funny.

50:50 Adam And what part do you play?

50:52 Trevor Goddard I'm this out of work tarot card reader.

50:55 Wow.

50:57 Adam Your agent sent you in on that one?

50:59 Trevor Goddard Yeah.

51:01 Drew Is there such a thing as in work tarot card reader?

51:04 Adam You know what I'm saying?

51:05 Trevor Goddard Yeah.

51:06 Yeah. Yeah.

51:08 Trevor Goddard George Lazenby was in it as well. The old Bond.

51:12 Adam Sure.

51:12 Trevor Goddard Yeah. Great guy. Still a still a real knockabout.

51:16 Adam Really?

51:17 Trevor Goddard Yeah. What a great fellow.

51:19 Adam And you got some girl coming out.

51:21 Trevor Goddard No, that's out.

51:22 Adam That's out.

51:23 Trevor Goddard Yeah. That's out. Yeah.

51:25 Adam When did that come out?

51:28 Trevor Goddard It won the LA some LA award, independent film award.

51:36 Adam Oh, that's right.

51:37 Trevor Goddard And then it was released.

51:38 Adam Yeah. Marissa Robisi.

51:40 Trevor Goddard Yeah.

51:41 Adam Who was in here a couple of months back. Yeah. Did that film.

51:47 Trevor Goddard Yeah.

51:49 Adam And Lisa, phone screener and interim producer, Lisa saw it and said it was excellent. Just didn't you didn't you rent that?

51:58 Caller Yeah. It was my favorite movie of the entire year.

52:00 Trevor Goddard Is that right?

52:01 Drew What's it called again?

52:02 Adam Some Girl.

52:02 Trevor Goddard Some Girl.

52:03 Adam Now there was there was another movie with Patrick Dempsey in it that came out like 15 years ago called Some Girls. I think.

52:13 Trevor Goddard You are right. They had to change the title of the movie.

52:16 Adam Oh, really? Yeah.

52:17 Trevor Goddard Because there was another.

52:18 Adam There was a Some Girls. Yeah, exactly. They went to Some Girl.

52:21 Trevor Goddard Right.

52:22 Adam Oh, you see. Well, that's instant instant gratification there for Trevor Goddard. Normally, I get a lot of blank looks and what are you nuts? And then later on, I prove myself right, but it's off the air. Right, Drew?

52:35 Drew Yes, sir.

52:35 Adam It's kind of my life works. When the room is then cleared out, then it turns out.

52:39 Drew And then you're pissed.

52:40 Adam Total vindication.

52:41 Drew The rest of us must suffer.

52:42 Adam Then I get upset. That's right. Brian? Yes, hi. Some Girls, by the way, is a good movie, if anyone wants to rent that.

52:49 Drew Well, your pot habits lately, I don't know if your memory is going to withhold, withstand what you've been doing.

52:53 Adam Hey, listen, I was telling Trevor and Drew during the commercial that I'm such a lightweight now, or the pot has become such high-octane marijuana now, that I no longer smoke my own pot. I smoke what's left in the bong. The smoke that's left in the bong is what gets me higher in a kite. I don't even know what would happen if I smoked a bowl of pot. Hey, listen, I can't even smoke weed anymore. I smoke what's left in the bong. And I'm high and paranoid for nine hours after that.

53:24 Drew I want to hear this in the next section.

53:25 Adam What is left in the bong? I don't even smoke my own weed anymore. That's me during the commercial, explaining to them. Thank you.

53:33 Drew Yeah, maybe we'll do it more often, just let you sit back and relax. We'll just play what you said during the commercial breaks.

53:39 Adam Well, it's true. If I smoked a bowl of pot, I think I would just go insane. You'd have to lock me up somewhere. I just smoke what's left in the bong, the residual smoke in there. High as a kite, entire New Year.

53:52 Drew Brian, who's 14.

53:53 Caller Hey, what's up?

53:54 Adam What's up there, Brian?

53:55 Caller Happy New Year.

53:56 Adam Hey.

53:56 Trevor Goddard You too, Mike.

53:57 Caller Thanks. Okay, well, when I was born, I had a dysfunction on my penis when it was rolled up in a ball, and I wouldn't have been able to have an erection. So I had hypospadial repair, and I've had numerous things wrong with it. Like I've had leaks, like two holes, I've had torsion with my balls, it's like when they twist, and my penis has not grown at all since the repairs.

54:20 Adam Well, at least you have an excuse.

54:22 Trevor Goddard Yeah. Mine hasn't grown either.

54:24 Adam Yeah. Well, we don't have a note from the doctor.

54:27 Drew You had a hypospadial repair. Was that the problem, was hypospadia?

54:31 Caller I have no idea, but I was just wondering if that's normal for your penis not to grow.

54:34 Drew Well, at 14, you got a good 7 or 8 years left of growth, okay?

54:38 Adam Right. You ought to squeeze a sixteenth of an inch out of those 7 or 8 years.

54:41 Drew Do you otherwise have normal body hair and that sort of thing?

54:44 Caller Yeah.

54:45 Drew Yeah. And hypospadia is basically the spigot doesn't get all the way to the tip.

54:50 Ooh.

54:51 Adam Wow, that sounds like a bad hand.

54:53 Caller It's not that bad. It's got plastic surgery on it and everything.

54:56 Adam Hold on. You mean the urethra doesn't get to the end of the penis?

54:59 Drew Right.

55:00 Adam Well, where's it stop?

55:02 Drew If I'm drawing it for Adam.

55:03 Adam Draw the penis, would you?

55:05 Drew Like out here.

55:06 Adam So, wait a minute. Draw the urethra and it'll come out the side?

55:10 Drew Or here. It's on the bottom, usually.

55:12 Adam That's like a novelty penis, like a dribble glass or something, right?

55:17 Drew So, they have to basically create a channel, roll it back around itself.

55:21 Adam Will your urethra actually poke out a different hole, as if you just had a port in the side?

55:28 Drew In the bottom.

55:29 Adam In the bottom. And, actually, that could come in handy for oral sex. Yeah, you'd be like, don't do it in my mouth. Don't worry. Don't you see this cup I have on my thigh? It's all going in there. You don't have to move. That's the greatest, are you kidding? I want to get this operation, I want to be put like this.

55:55 Drew They actually can strap a feed bag right here.

55:57 Adam That's right, yeah. You strap a little lobster bib around your penis. The girl never has to stop. It's never interrupted and it just comes out the side, maybe hits her in the ear. That's the worst case scenario. So, okay, so it comes out of the side.

56:17 Drew Bottom.

56:18 Adam The bottom. Or it could be anywhere, but is there a hole at the end?

56:22 Drew Sometimes.

56:23 Adam And so how do they reroute it?

56:25 Drew They have to slice things open here and fold it around itself, basically.

56:30 Adam Oh, boy. So open it up and...

56:32 Drew Works. Works fine. Everything gets repaired.

56:34 Adam Maybe. Wait, did he go?

56:36 Drew He had something more going on. He had torsion, meaning his testes twist on themselves and the blood supply cut off. And so you wonder if his testosterone levels are normal and he's...

56:44 Adam Why?

56:45 Drew Why do you have torsion?

56:46 Adam Yeah, I mean, what does that have to do with testosterone levels?

56:49 Drew Well, if he had injured the test, his blood supply cut off later. But he says he has normal body hair and body growth. I suspect his penis is just affected by all the operations.

56:58 Adam He said it was curled up in a ball.

57:00 Drew Which is maybe his perception of what it was.

57:02 Adam Mine does that when it sleeps. Maybe it's...

57:04 Drew And when it's scared.

57:05 Adam And scared and frightened, yeah. It sleeps in a basket. It likes to sleep by the dryer during the winter because it's warm down in the basement. Except for it chews up at my chim sock, so I got it out of there.

57:21 Drew I'm not sure that's spit.

57:24 Adam Veronica?

57:25 Hello?

57:25 Adam You're 16.

57:27 Yeah.

57:27 Adam What's up?

57:29 I had sex with a foreign exchange student.

57:33 Drew Somebody just picked up your phone there.

57:34 Yeah, I know. That was my friend.

57:36 Adam So you had sex with a foreign exchange student.

57:39 Drew Yeah.

57:39 And I thought I was pregnant for a while, but I wasn't. And now I don't want to have sex with anybody anymore.

57:45 Drew Your friend's got to hang up. We can't hear you.

57:47 Trevor Goddard Can't hear.

57:48 Drew There we go.

57:49 Okay. And I don't want to have sex with anybody anymore, but he keeps sending me emails and stuff. And I want to be friends with him and everything, because he's cool, but I just don't want to have sex with him anymore.

58:01 Adam Where is he from?

58:03 Germany.

58:04 Drew And why don't you want to have a relationship with him?

58:06 Because I'm not too good with relationships.

58:08 Drew How come?

58:11 I can't deal with boyfriends.

58:12 Drew How come?

58:14 Adam Because she's not too good with relationships. Come on, Drew.

58:17 Because, I don't know, every relationship I've been in, people turn out to be psychos.

58:23 Adam And he's now emailing you from Germany?

58:27 No, he's here.

58:28 Drew He's still here.

58:29 Adam Oh, he's not gone back to Germany.

58:31 Right.

58:31 Drew He's naturally enough to just assume they're beside him.

58:32 Trevor Goddard So what would happen if you just stopped replying?

58:36 Well, I have classes with him.

58:38 Drew I'm going to paint the story of Veronica. Veronica's got an old dad who left everybody and maybe was abusive before he bolted out. And then she got out and went and picked up a series of guys that were just like that. And now here's actually a good guy, a nice guy. She'll have none of that. I'm done with guys now.

58:55 Adam Interesting. Yeah.

58:56 He ain't that nice.

58:57 Adam He's not that nice.

58:58 Everything was good up to the...

59:00 He's a real nice guy.

59:01 He's OK.

59:02 Drew See what I'm saying?

59:03 Adam Yeah, but hold on. Veronica?

59:05 Yeah.

59:06 Adam Do you know what Drew is saying? First off, is it true about your father?

59:11 Yeah, he was an alcoholic.

59:13 Adam OK.

59:13 He used to be my mom.

59:14 Drew OK. How did I know this?

59:17 Adam I'm lucky, yes. And he abandoned the family?

59:20 Yeah.

59:21 Adam OK.

59:21 Well, not abandoned. My mom left.

59:24 Adam OK, but she left him because he's an alcoholic abuser, right?

59:27 Yeah, but we stayed with him.

59:29 Adam Oh, your mom left and you stayed with him?

59:31 Yeah.

59:32 Adam Oh, boy.

59:32 And until I was 13.

59:35 Adam That's nice. Your mom's a great woman. It's like, this guy's a madman. I'm getting out of here. Kids, I'll see you in a couple of years.

59:41 Trevor Goddard So where did you go? Did you go on your own?

59:44 No, I stayed with my dad.

59:46 Trevor Goddard Yeah, but at 13.

59:47 Drew Went back to mom.

59:48 Trevor Goddard Went back to mom.

59:49 Now I live with my mom.

59:50 Adam OK. Yeah. That's a great mom, by the way.

59:53 Drew All right, anyway, so now.

59:54 Adam OK, so now you meet Horace or Gunther. What's his name? Come on, just for fun.

1:00:00 I'm not going to tell you.

1:00:01 Adam Horace Adolf Adolf Jr. Dieter Dieter Hans. Come on, there's only like eight German names. I think we can get them. All right. Horace Dieter Adolf. No, Rudy. I know a guy named Rudy is Germany. My brother-in-law is named Christoph. Yeah, that's what they named the gay ones. I haven't told my sister yet. What's that?

1:00:34 It's a name that people have here, too.

1:00:35 Adam Oh, it is?

1:00:36 Yeah.

1:00:36 Adam Horace. Okay. So listen, we would suspect that this guy is not such a bad guy, and that's why you're not too attracted to him.

1:00:47 Drew That's why you have nothing to do with him.

1:00:48 Adam So you only get attracted, you're only attracted to bad guys because your dad was kind of a bad guy, and you kind of get to continue that cycle.

1:00:55 Drew Well, you've got to make that right.

1:00:57 Adam Yeah, you're not attracted to guys that are nice guys because it's not what you know and you have no business with them. I mean, you have no unfinished business.

1:01:07 Drew Yeah, all that trauma gets converted into a sexual focus when you hit 15.

1:01:10 Yeah, but he's not too nice either.

1:01:12 Adam What's he do?

1:01:14 Man, when I thought that I was pregnant, he was like, oh well, I'm going back to Germany in June anyway.

1:01:19 Adam Oh really? Well, maybe you do like him.

1:01:22 No, I don't. I'm not, I wouldn't mind being a friend with him.

1:01:26 Adam Okay, well just explain it to him or don't explain to him. Just stop returning. Give him a hint. Just stop returning the emails when you see him at class. Be nice, but then move on.

1:01:37 Drew Realize he's not going to be happy when he can't maintain the relationship that he wants. So friendship is probably unrealistic. Maybe six months down the line, if you're still in this country, you can have a friendship. Not now.

1:01:49 Adam And people have a way of, I mean, think about it. We've all done it a hundred times. We've either wound down a relationship or had the more likely scenario with me is had others wind down the relationship for me. You know, you ask somebody what they're doing this weekend, and they tell you they're busy. And a couple of weeks of that, and you stop asking.

1:02:09 Trevor Goddard And you get the hint.

1:02:10 Adam Yeah.

1:02:11 Drew Those are the ones that never started with you, Adam. The ones that wound down is when you walk home and your apartment's empty.

1:02:16 Adam Yes.

1:02:17 Drew Those are how they were wound.

1:02:18 Adam I didn't walk home. I came home from Hawaii. My girlfriend moved out. I bought her a Gecko T-shirt in Hawaii too. And that's what I get.

1:02:26 Drew You're still doing that same crap, by the way.

1:02:29 Adam Buying a Gecko T-shirt?

1:02:30 Drew No. I was lecturing you about some of the other sort of insensitive choices you're making.

1:02:35 Adam All right. Thank you, Drew. Listen, I wasn't rich back then. A Gecko T-shirt was like six months work for me. Rodney?

1:02:45 Yeah.

1:02:46 Adam You're 16?

1:02:47 Caller Yeah.

1:02:48 Adam What's up?

1:02:49 Caller Hey, dude.

1:02:50 Drew We're good.

1:02:50 Caller Good.

1:02:53 Drew You can talk now.

1:02:54 Caller All right.

1:02:56 Caller Problem was, I just did it for the first time.

1:03:00 Adam Hold on. I'm going to do a little Loveline reenactment here. People call this show and act like we called them in the middle of the night. We're Publishers Clearing House or something. We just stopped by the house, woke them up, check the newspaper subscription. Yeah. They were shaving in the bathroom or something. Understand everybody who listen to the show. These people called us. Ronny's like, here, you be you and me, Drew.

1:03:27 Drew Okay. This is Ronny. He's 16. Ronny.

1:03:30 Caller Yeah. What?

1:03:32 Drew Ronny, you can talk now.

1:03:34 Adam Yeah.

1:03:35 Trevor Goddard How are you doing?

1:03:36 Adam What's going on?

1:03:39 Caller Who's this?

1:03:41 Trevor Goddard He might have your bong.

1:03:42 Adam Yeah. That's right. I'm missing my bong. Ronny?

1:03:46 Caller Yeah.

1:03:46 Adam Okay. What's going on? What is your question for us tonight?

1:03:49 Caller I can't have an orgasm during sex.

1:03:52 Adam During sex?

1:03:53 Caller Yeah.

1:03:54 Adam How about during oral sex?

1:03:55 Caller Pardon?

1:03:56 Caller How about an oral sex?

1:03:57 Caller No.

1:03:58 Drew How about with masturbation?

1:04:00 Caller Masturbation? Yeah.

1:04:02 Trevor Goddard Keep doing it.

1:04:03 Drew All right. Does it take you a long time by yourself?

1:04:07 Caller No.

1:04:08 Drew All right. So this will remedy itself, I suspect, when you have a relationship, when you actually have a girlfriend, somebody you can talk to, somebody you feel comfortable with. How long have you been having this problem for?

1:04:19 Caller Well, I just started because I just did it for the first time.

1:04:22 Drew When? When? New Year's.

1:04:27 Adam So you lost your virginity on New Year's.

1:04:30 Drew Yeah.

1:04:31 Adam But you didn't pop the champagne bottle down there, did you?

1:04:37 Drew Everybody has a very common of all kinds of dysfunction the first time out.

1:04:40 Adam Oh, please. Of course. All bets are off.

1:04:43 Trevor Goddard Yeah, nerves, everything.

1:04:45 Drew No erection, no orgasm, too quick an orgasm, it's all.

1:04:50 Adam All bets are off. It's really not unlike anything else, which is the first time you go snowboarding, the first time you go water skiing, the first time you play a particular sport, the first time you play a particular video game, whatever it is, you're always going to stumble your way through. You're not going to be a pro.

1:05:10 Trevor Goddard Was he on the drink as well? Was he on the drink?

1:05:13 Adam Let's see.

1:05:14 Trevor Goddard Were you on the drink, mate, as well?

1:05:16 Caller I didn't drink it all that night.

1:05:17 Adam No drinking.

1:05:18 Trevor Goddard All right.

1:05:19 Adam Trevor was looking for a possible alibi for your penis.

1:05:22 Trevor Goddard What about were you wearing a rubber?

1:05:24 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:05:25 Trevor Goddard You were?

1:05:26 Drew That can confuse the penis.

1:05:28 Adam Yeah. Hey, Trevor, this is...

1:05:29 Trevor Goddard Was there any flavor to it?

1:05:31 Adam This is something you're going to work out.

1:05:33 Drew Yes. Don't worry about it.

1:05:35 Adam OK.

1:05:36 Drew Don't be anxious about it.

1:05:37 Adam I didn't feel the need to respond, but we know he...

1:05:40 Drew He doesn't feel the need to respond generally.

1:05:42 Adam We know deep inside that he was thankful for.

1:05:44 Drew Yes, indeed.

1:05:46 Adam Here's what you need, and I think every guy goes through this, and most women go through this, too. But I don't know why. Maybe it's just because I'm a guy, but I think this is more important to guys. You all need what I call that break-in woman. Having a series of sort of one-night stands or screw-arounds in the back of the seat or, you know, in the rumpus room of your buddy's apartment with some chick you met when you're drunk. You don't work anything out. You do find that one woman, maybe you're 16, maybe you're 21, maybe you're 14, and you and her go at it, and you go at it consistently, and you get comfortable in front of each other, and you work it out. All that stuff you didn't know about, all that technique that you need to hone, all of the confidence you need to build, you will work it out with that one girl somewhere along the way. And then you can take that experience and go ahead and bring it with you wherever you go.

1:06:38 Drew You know what we're going to do at drdrew.com, and you're going to help me with this by the way, is we're finally going to come up with that greeting card series that you've been talking about all these years.

1:06:47 Adam I'm chomping at the bit, Drew.

1:06:48 Drew And you're going to help me with this. It will take you five minutes. That's true. Things like this, sorry I didn't, sorry I came too fast, sorry, mom, I'm sorry you found me doing whatever.

1:07:00 Adam That's quite a sell you got there, Drew.

1:07:01 Drew Well, you know what I'm talking about.

1:07:02 Adam All right. So what do you say?

1:07:05 Drew That the greeting cards for the most embarrassing, humiliating kinds of moments we're finally going to create.

1:07:10 Adam Okay.

1:07:11 Drew And have them available at drdrew.com.

1:07:12 Adam Okay. And I get paid how much? Andy?

1:07:17 Drew Yeah. I'll show you. Here's the number.

1:07:19 Adam You're 15.

1:07:19 Drew It should take you about five minutes and here's the number. Yeah. Is that right?

1:07:22 Adam Really?

1:07:23 Drew Yeah.

1:07:25 Adam That's a lot of bong smoke.

1:07:27 Drew I'll do it for you. We'll do it together.

1:07:28 Adam Really?

1:07:29 Drew Yep.

1:07:29 Caller All right.

1:07:30 Adam I mean, it's not my normal, right?

1:07:34 Drew We'll do it in 10 minutes.

1:07:36 Adam All right. Hey, Andy?

1:07:38 Caller Yeah.

1:07:39 Adam What's going on?

1:07:40 Caller I have a question for you.

1:07:41 Adam All right.

1:07:42 Caller Whenever I play soccer, last time I played, I got hit in the balls with the ball.

1:07:47 Drew Whenever you play or last time you played?

1:07:48 Caller The last time I played.

1:07:50 Drew Whenever I played.

1:07:50 Caller And when I went to the bathroom after that night.

1:07:55 Drew Okay. Why didn't you go see a doctor immediately?

1:07:58 Caller Because it's happened before and this is the first time I went.

1:08:02 Adam You wear a cup when you play soccer?

1:08:04 Caller No, you can't run with them.

1:08:05 Drew My kids wear cups when they play soccer.

1:08:07 Adam Hold on a second. I used to wear a cup and saucer in my pants. I was that worried about my testicles. Write that down, Drew. It's funny. And I played 10 years of football with a cup in my pants and ran all over the goddamn place.

1:08:24 Drew Yeah, every football player wears them.

1:08:26 Adam Every football player wears them and those guys are the fastest guys in sports. What do you mean, uh-uh?

1:08:33 Caller They aren't. Soccer players have to run longer.

1:08:35 Adam Listen, listen.

1:08:37 Drew So you get hit in the...

1:08:38 Adam Who's faster, soccer player or football player?

1:08:41 Caller Soccer.

1:08:42 Adam No way. You know what you got playing soccer? Short, fat Mexicans. You know what you got playing football? Tall, black guys. I put it this way. Let me ask you something, Andy. You're watching the Olympics or college track or anything like that. When it comes to the 100-yard dash, the guys who run the 100-yard dash, do they ever play soccer?

1:09:04 Drew No.

1:09:05 Adam They all play football. They all play wide receiver or running back. None of them play soccer. The fastest athletes in the world play football and they wear cups. So don't tell me you can't run with a cup in your pants.

1:09:19 Drew Urinated blood, that's the reason to go see a doctor immediately. There's all sorts of reasons. Some can be quite serious. Now, the fact that it was associated with trauma of the testes, again, it makes it less likely that it's something that, like a cancer or anything like that, but it's something that may require treatment and your fertility could depend on this sort of thing.

1:09:38 Caller OK. All right. And Adam?

1:09:41 Adam Yes.

1:09:41 Caller Lay off the drywallers.

1:09:42 Adam Oh, please.

1:09:43 Drew You're 15.

1:09:44 Adam You're not drywalling it. Your dad drywalls?

1:09:47 Caller Yeah.

1:09:48 Adam Does he own his own business or is he just a shoe rocker?

1:09:51 Caller He's second in the company.

1:09:55 Adam Does he hang the rock himself?

1:09:57 Caller He used to.

1:09:58 Adam Yeah. That's a horrible job. Horrible. All right. But he's an all right guy?

1:10:03 Caller Yeah.

1:10:04 Adam All right. But don't you get into that.

1:10:06 Caller I'm not going to.

1:10:07 Adam OK. Listen, drywallers are just the lowest form of pond scum they really are.

1:10:14 Why?

1:10:15 Adam I don't know. It's just I worked with a guy named Russ. You know, he wore a shirt that said like whiskey peets, Nevada casino, liquor in the front, poker in the rear. I always love that shirt though. You know, and Russ lived out in North Hollywood and he drank like a case of, you know, like old English tall boys every day. This guy, this guy was such a drinker that we went to the liquor store in North Hollywood. It was right near my old house that this guy drank at or got his beer at every night and they started stocking this beer because of him. I mean, by the way, that's one of the things, one of the reasons you know you're an alcoholic when a liquor store starts actually stocking a certain brand of beer because you come in and buy a case. Every night you drink a case every night. That's amazing, by the way, when you start drinking beer about 4.35 and you get home, but you're up at 5.30 every morning hanging sheetrock.

1:11:25 Trevor Goddard How many beers are in a case?

1:11:28 Adam Nothing for Australian guys.

1:11:29 Trevor Goddard No, man, it's nothing.

1:11:30 Adam But out here, it's a big deal. But Russ would tell me, Russ and I would have to carpool out to a job in-

1:11:38 Drew You let him drive?

1:11:39 Adam City of Commerce. That was the following morning. He'd pass out about 9.30 at night. Russ is one of these, construction guys are a little rough around the edges. He'd say, listen, I'm going to swing by your house. I'm not getting out of the truck. I'm going to honk the horn once. I'll be there at 5.45. You have 30 seconds to be out or I'm pulling out of the driveway and that's it. One honk, 5.45. Hanging sheetrock with Russ in the city of commerce, everybody. It's the garden spot of the Los Angeles. I killed myself. I'm going to kill my parents.

1:12:17 Drew We're going to break.

1:12:17 Adam I killed my parents. I'm going to kill myself for having to do that. You know what you talk about with Russ in his Ford F-150 with the tailgate taken off in the back there on the way to commerce at 5.45 in the morning for good hour and 10 minute drive?

1:12:34 Drew Nevada Casino.

1:12:36 Adam Casinos. Yeah.

1:12:37 Drew Seriously?

1:12:38 Adam Yeah. Because he was a union drywaller and used to hang a lot of rock. Think about how much drywall you're hanging when you're doing a casino in Nevada. Oh. But think about that job for a second. Drywall, the stuff they hang is four foot by like 10 or 12 foot. It weighs at least 120, 140 pounds a sheet. All you do all day long is just put sheets of drywall up and sink screws in it. They have screw guns that are on constantly. They have a toggle switch on them, but they have a clutch at the end of them. So the end doesn't spin until they put pressure on it. So they just sink these tech screws all day long and they get paid by the sheet. So they do piecework. So these guys just, you know, and then every once in a while, they like, Russ would tell me that they'd make a little makeshift hut out of drywalls on one of the floor and call a hooker over. You know what I mean? Like, you know, get the tin knocker to slamp a couple of metal studs together. We'll hang a couple of pieces of sheetrock and that'll be the sex, the sex dungeon over in the corner there on the fifth floor. Get a, get some Nevada hooker to come up on Friday. Oh yeah. Staring at drywall all day. No radio going, no nothing. Just, just same sheet. Oh yeah. Lots to talk about with Russ. Russ is a guy who turned, I saw him turn a hose on D-Mints, crazy Jewish woman we're doing a remodel on. Had about enough of Russ and he had about enough of her. He turned a hose on her. It's fun. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break and then we'll come back.

1:14:17 Drew Let's have some more fun. Okay.

1:14:20 Let's do it.

1:14:21 Caller Call Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:14:25 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:14:27 Adam Well, here's how it's sample. Nick, it's a loveline. Drew, a couple of years at college, underspelled me, wants some sort of commendation from the mayor. Traced it like it was some sort of-

1:15:09 Drew Supposed to Adam, who wants us to feel very, very sorry for him.

1:15:12 Adam Drew treats education like it's some sort of cage death match in wrestling or something. You got to compete, you go for the throat. Please.

1:15:23 Drew You didn't get exposed to that, but that's what that is.

1:15:25 Adam I had plenty of Jewish friends who got good grades. None of my non-Jewish friends did. My Jewish friends got good grades. They studied, but not that hard. They were smart guys. They went off to Berkeley.

1:15:37 Drew They're still there.

1:15:38 Adam One of them is a attorney does all right for himself. But these guys, they came from the right environment. They did well in their studies. They studied more than us, Goyim did. But it's not like they didn't go out on the weekends or have a good time. And Drew, you didn't, you squeezed in a date or two sometime in med school. All right, so relax. You get yourself all wound up and you're going to drive your kids crazy with that nonsense. I tell Drew, you know, Drew starts, he's saving for his kids' education. You know, he says it's going to cost $100,000 a semester for them. You know, projected costs. And by the time your kids hit college in 2013 or something, tell them to relax. They'll get a scholarship or something.

1:16:27 Trevor Goddard It'll be there.

1:16:28 Adam Yeah, don't worry about it.

1:16:30 Trevor Goddard Yeah, no worries.

1:16:31 Adam No worries. There you go. Andrea, you're 15.

1:16:36 Caller Yeah.

1:16:36 Adam What's up?

1:16:38 Caller I was on my period like last week. And I was like wearing a tampon. And like I stuck it in. And then when I took it out, it like hurt really bad when I put it in. Because I think I broke my hymen. And then when I took it out, it was like bleeding a lot. And I was like almost on my last day.

1:16:55 Drew It could be. It could have been. That would make sense.

1:16:57 Caller Huh?

1:16:58 Drew That would make sense.

1:16:59 Caller Yeah. It was like really painful.

1:17:01 Drew That could have been it.

1:17:03 Adam It was painful when you pulled it out?

1:17:05 Caller No, when I put it in.

1:17:06 Drew Ouch. It was bleeding more when she pulled it out.

1:17:09 Adam Why didn't you stop if it was painful?

1:17:11 Caller Well, because I didn't know. Well, I just, because sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't.

1:17:15 Adam I see.

1:17:16 Drew You've been using them before?

1:17:17 Caller Oh, yeah. All the time.

1:17:19 Adam Yeah. Oh, boy. I'd be a horrible woman.

1:17:22 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:17:23 Adam I'd have like.

1:17:23 Caller You guys don't have to go through this.

1:17:25 Adam No. No, we don't.

1:17:27 Caller So lucky. We have to like go through everything.

1:17:30 Adam Yeah.

1:17:30 Caller And then we have pregnancy nine months.

1:17:32 Drew Yes.

1:17:33 Adam How long is that again?

1:17:35 Drew Good news is.

1:17:36 Adam Nine months now.

1:17:37 Drew In the old days, your chances of dying from that was somewhere around one in ten.

1:17:41 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK. Tell that to all the 19 year olds or bodies are laying around Omaha Beach.

1:17:49 Drew That's interesting.

1:17:50 Adam There you go. Yeah. We're going to have kids for nine months. Please. How many how many women have died just in war?

1:18:01 Drew As compared to men.

1:18:02 Adam Yeah. I mean, listen, women are always complaining about what a tough life they have, but they live longer, like seven years longer.

1:18:10 Trevor Goddard Yep.

1:18:10 Adam Why do you think they live longer? Because they have such a tough life.

1:18:14 Drew Jeans.

1:18:14 Adam And we all know that people, the tougher the life, the longer you live.

1:18:17 Trevor Goddard They got no stress.

1:18:18 Adam No. They don't have any stress. They sit around, they watch that Oprah all day long. She brainwashes every last one of them into hating their life and their man. And they get to wear pants and skirts. What about that?

1:18:32 Drew Massive.

1:18:33 Adam Think about that. You wouldn't mind putting a skirt on every once in a while, let things air out. They say you're supposed to air out the houses. You should air yourself out every once in a while. Yeah, but what are the chances you'll be in Scottish?

1:18:49 Trevor Goddard You can pretend.

1:18:52 Adam What about car insurance? I get penalized for being a more skilled driver. You know what I'm talking about? They're the best drivers in the world. They're all men. We pay twice as much for our auto insurance. We're getting screwed here. Think about that for a second. I've never been in an accident in my entire life. I pay twice as much as my sister. You know what I mean? There you go. That's nice. All right. So, I'm still glad to be a guy, though.

1:19:24 Micaea.

1:19:27 Trevor Goddard Micaea. That's a nice name.

1:19:29 Drew Go right ahead.

1:19:31 Adam Yeah, it means pain in the ass. What's up?

1:19:34 Yeah, I don't like to receive oral sex.

1:19:39 Adam All right.

1:19:39 Yeah, and is there something wrong? Because, like, every time my boyfriend wants to give it to me, I just turn him down and don't want it.

1:19:50 Adam Have you ever had it?

1:19:51 Yeah.

1:19:52 Adam Oh, you have?

1:19:52 Drew Yeah. What's the experience like for you?

1:19:56 I just don't like it. Everyone makes a big hype out of it, and I just don't like to get it. I mean, get it. Okay.

1:20:02 Drew Well, that's your preference.

1:20:03 Adam Well, do you think it's because it doesn't feel good or you're uncomfortable?

1:20:08 More uncomfortable.

1:20:10 Adam Yeah.

1:20:11 Drew Or your boyfriend doesn't can't make you comfortable with it, you know what I'm saying?

1:20:16 Adam I don't know. I mean, I think most women, you're 18?

1:20:23 Yeah.

1:20:23 Adam Yeah.

1:20:24 Trevor Goddard Are you confident in yourself? Are you comfortable with yourself?

1:20:30 Oh, yeah. I am. Yeah.

1:20:33 Adam You are?

1:20:34 Yeah. Okay.

1:20:35 Adam Here. Let me say this here, Micaiah. Women grow into their sexuality at a much later date than men do. It's an ongoing thing with them. I mean, where's a guy at 18?

1:20:51 Trevor Goddard Yeah. I'm done now. Me.

1:20:52 Adam Yeah. It's all downhill. It's been going down for, what's it, it's been 14 years now. 16 years, actually. But all you can do is try to stop the slide. Just try to dig your closet a little so we don't slide down the backside of that sexual hill too quickly. You don't want to tumble down it. But, I mean, a man at 18 is perfectly ready for oral sex to be performed on it, whether it be a stepsister, hooker, a transient, whoever, get down there. Cockatiel.

1:21:23 Trevor Goddard But maybe there's a way. Is there a way that she likes it?

1:21:27 Adam No, I don't think it has to do with technique. I think it has to do with her comfort level, her confidence, and these are things that seem to blossom at different times for different women, especially, whereas with guys, like I said, by 18, 99% of them, fine. With women, it's all over the place.

1:21:49 Drew Some of them just don't like this.

1:21:51 Adam Some don't, but the women who don't like it at 30, usually have had a bad experience with somebody and something.

1:21:59 Trevor Goddard So, Micaiah said that she had had it before. Was it a good experience or a bad experience?

1:22:04 Adam Apparently not.

1:22:06 No, I just don't. I just didn't care for it very much, and I was like, get it over with quickly.

1:22:13 Adam But you feel good about yourself, and no one ever did anything bad to you.

1:22:18 I was abused by a previous boyfriend.

1:22:23 Drew Physically abused?

1:22:25 Physically, yeah.

1:22:26 Adam Sexually?

1:22:27 Yeah.

1:22:27 Drew How old was he?

1:22:29 He was 23.

1:22:31 Drew How old were you?

1:22:32 I was 16.

1:22:33 Drew What do you mean he sexually abused you?

1:22:35 He would always just, he would just tell me what to wear, what underwear, and he would always just, when he wanted sex, he wanted it, and I had no choice over that.

1:22:49 Adam And did he do this to you, oral sex?

1:22:53 Yeah.

1:22:54 Adam Oh, okay. Well, that may be part of it there.

1:22:57 Trevor Goddard Yeah, big rebound.

1:22:59 Adam Yeah.

1:23:00 Drew I wonder why you chose a guy like that.

1:23:02 Adam Yeah. Is your dad a good guy?

1:23:05 Yeah, he's very good.

1:23:06 Adam He is?

1:23:07 Yeah.

1:23:07 Adam Why would you get a 23-year-old at 16 who was abusive?

1:23:12 I don't know.

1:23:13 Caller I guess I don't really know.

1:23:15 He was a close friend all my childhood life.

1:23:18 Adam A close friend all your childhood life who's...

1:23:21 Trevor Goddard So did your dad know you were seeing him?

1:23:23 Adam What's that?

1:23:25 Trevor Goddard Did your dad know you were seeing him?

1:23:27 No, he didn't.

1:23:28 Adam Okay. All right. Okay. So anyway, Makaya, this is probably connected to that.

1:23:35 Drew Maybe. We'll see.

1:23:36 Adam Well, I mean, she was sexually abused by a quite a bit older boyfriend.

1:23:41 Drew Yeah.

1:23:42 Adam At 16. That can do things that kind of close you down a little bit. But be that as it may, there's plenty of 18-year-old women who aren't into it anyway. God bless them. That's what I say. Know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:23:56 Drew I know what you're saying.

1:23:57 Adam Less time down in the root cellar. Down under.

1:24:01 Drew Time for a break.

1:24:02 Adam We're going to take a break?

1:24:03 Drew Yeah.

1:24:04 Adam Okay.

1:24:07 Drew Down under.

1:24:08 Adam Trevor Goddard is here from JAG Tuesday nights, eight o'clock going on the fifth season, 100th episode coming up, and that means big syndication money, right?

1:24:18 Trevor Goddard Yeah, we're already in syndication.

1:24:20 Caller Oh, man.

1:24:24 Adam It's better in boxing. We're going to take a little break, and we'll be back after this.

1:24:35 Drew Love Line will be right back.

1:25:07 Adam It is Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Drew. Trevor Goddard is here. He is Lieutenant Commander McCrumby from JAG. CBS, 8 o'clock.

1:25:19 Trevor Goddard Do you know what a Brumby is by the way?

1:25:21 Adam It means gay in Australia.

1:25:23 Trevor Goddard No, it's a wild horseman.

1:25:26 Adam Wild gay horse. Is it Australian horse?

1:25:30 Trevor Goddard Yeah, it must be.

1:25:31 Drew Are there a bunch of Hollywood types that just sit around and think up names for television? Or is there some dictionary of names?

1:25:37 Adam Well, Brumby is an Australian horse.

1:25:39 Trevor Goddard I never saw him naked.

1:25:43 Adam Well, that's how you got the job.

1:25:45 Trevor Goddard Yeah, that's how I get every bloody job.

1:25:48 Drew Bruce Hazard.

1:25:51 Adam No, the guys are always named like...

1:25:56 Drew Ship.

1:25:56 Adam Yeah, like Dr. Dex Dexler and stuff like that. Now, see, I went to school with guys named Randy Bort and Nate Wittenberg. Those names never seem to make it to TV.

1:26:11 Trevor Goddard No, they got to be Brumby.

1:26:12 Adam There's no guy named Randy Bort who's a guy on a TV show. Now, if he's playing like a nebbish accountant type guy, then maybe his name could be, maybe, maybe be like Randy Wittenberg or something. But, but if he is an action guy, a man of action, a hero, a tough guy, his name would never be like Rudy Higgenstahl or something. His name has to be like Jake Blade, you know, as a-

1:26:43 Trevor Goddard That's a good name.

1:26:44 Adam Jake Blade, yeah, write that down, Drew. Right, there's no, there's no action guy named Adam. That's worthless.

1:26:51 Drew That's for sure.

1:26:52 Adam Yeah, that's a horrible name. All right, but Mick Brumby. Yeah.

1:26:56 Drew Too many religious overtones.

1:26:58 Adam That's a good name.

1:26:58 Drew There we go.

1:26:59 Adam All right. Jamie means gay horse in Australian truth, you know that?

1:27:04 Drew You mentioned that a couple times.

1:27:07 Adam Jamie?

1:27:08 Yes, hi.

1:27:09 Adam You're 16.

1:27:09 Caller First, I want to say that I love being a woman, and for the people who hate it, I don't know what's wrong with him. And also, I wanted to say with the soccer thing, I think the soccer people have more endurance rather than the football players.

1:27:22 Trevor Goddard Oh, I agree. Oh, I agree.

1:27:23 Drew Endurance isn't the issue.

1:27:24 Adam They do, but that's what we're talking about.

1:27:26 Drew He said he couldn't run fast.

1:27:27 Caller OK, OK.

1:27:28 Drew Because he was wearing a cup.

1:27:30 Adam Marathon runners have more endurance than soccer players.

1:27:33 Trevor Goddard What about rugby players?

1:27:34 Adam Yeah, rugby.

1:27:35 Trevor Goddard Rugby or Aussie rules. Oh, that's a horrible sport.

1:27:39 Adam Drunken guys beating the crap out of each other. Mischief in football.

1:27:45 Caller What's up, Jamie?

1:27:46 Caller I just get down to it. I've been friends with this guy for over two years, and we were actually really good friends. We had sex a lot of times. He was that guy that you talked about before that everyone needs to feel comfortable with himself and everything.

1:27:59 Adam Yeah, you're a breaking guy.

1:28:01 Caller Definitely. We had a really fun time. We always hung out with each other, and about three months ago, he got arrested for child molestation. For one incident that happened when he was 13, and one that has happened in the past year.

1:28:17 Adam How old is he now?

1:28:18 Caller He's 17, but he charges an adult for both of these.

1:28:22 Adam He was breaking you in and breaking in a couple young lads, or guys or girls?

1:28:30 Caller Girls.

1:28:31 Drew How old was he when you started having sex with him? How old were you?

1:28:34 Caller He was 16.

1:28:35 Drew And you were?

1:28:36 Caller Yeah.

1:28:36 Drew How old were you?

1:28:37 Caller 16. No, I was 15.

1:28:39 Drew 15.

1:28:39 Caller Yeah.

1:28:39 Drew And did he talk to you about his having been abused as a child?

1:28:44 Caller No, no. And I'm still writing him, and I asked him a letter, has this happened to you? And he said no. And he's showing a lottery more for it, and he's saying he feels so bad.

1:28:54 Adam Well, hold on. He was 17 when he had sex with the 13?

1:29:01 Caller No, no. He was 13, and he is getting charged for a crime that happened when he was 13 years old. And he had sex with a girl.

1:29:10 Trevor Goddard How old was she?

1:29:11 Drew Who was the girl?

1:29:13 Caller His sister.

1:29:14 Drew His sister.

1:29:16 Caller And then he's also had another charge that happened in the past year with his stepsister.

1:29:21 Adam And how old is she?

1:29:24 Trevor Goddard Taboo 2 song. How old is she?

1:29:26 Adam Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Didn't you tell her to play the Taboo 2 song?

1:29:31 Drew I thought I did.

1:29:33 Adam Hey, Anderson. Listen, don't go out on, don't create your own creative universe over there, you jackass.

1:29:45 Trevor Goddard Was that the one that delivered?

1:29:46 Adam Did you tell him to play this song? Everyone, both of you start doing your job or Drew's going to fire you. Okay, let's just listen to the song.

1:29:56 Drew Just to get us in the mood. In the mood to disgust Jamie's boyfriend.

1:30:01 Adam All right, now there's a song about a guy who's having sex with his mom and his sister. All right, Jesus Christ. Anderson, I'm telling you, don't think. Just push those buttons.

1:30:13 Trevor Goddard I want to know how young the step-sister is.

1:30:16 Drew Can we talk to her, please? Oh, what the hell?

1:30:18 Adam What's in line one here?

1:30:20 Drew Held with the step-sister when he had sex with her.

1:30:22 Eleven.

1:30:23 Drew All right. Jamie, somebody sexually abused him.

1:30:28 Caller Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

1:30:30 Drew I'm telling you, that's what happened.

1:30:31 Caller I'm really into this kind of stuff. My mother's a counselor and my dad's a doctor.

1:30:36 Drew It's definitely what's happening, but how strange you would pick him to be a sexual partner and be into this kind of thing.

1:30:41 Adam All right, well, stop.

1:30:43 Trevor Goddard Where is he now? Is he in the NIC?

1:30:44 Caller Yeah, he's in jail right now, and he's writing me, and we are having conversations back and forth.

1:30:49 Drew But you've learned through reading about this that this is a sign that he was sexually abused.

1:30:53 Caller Yeah, yeah, and I want to help him through this, but you know what I'm saying?

1:30:56 Drew Yeah, do you have an alcoholic dad or something?

1:30:59 Caller No, no, I really might.

1:31:00 Drew Was one of your parents sexually abused?

1:31:02 Caller No.

1:31:02 Adam Are you fat?

1:31:03 Caller No, I'm a very beautiful woman, and I relish in that.

1:31:07 Drew Why are you so focused on fixing this guy?

1:31:10 Adam I relish in it too.

1:31:12 Caller I don't feel like I want to fix him. I just, once I become a friend with someone, I stick by them.

1:31:17 Adam Oh, screw him.

1:31:19 Trevor Goddard But you know what he did is wrong, doesn't he?

1:31:21 Caller Yeah, and he does too.

1:31:22 Adam Okay.

1:31:23 Caller Showing a lot of remorse for this, but I'm saying to help him.

1:31:25 Adam Hey, Jamie, let me straighten your life out for a second. I know you like to listen to your parents, but I'm the real parent. I am society's parent here. I speak for all parents when I say this. You had a sexual relationship with this guy, so there's more than a friend thing going on here. You have feelings for him.

1:31:48 Caller I do.

1:31:49 Adam And you get into this, you sort of mask it with this, listen, I'm a friend and I'm dedicated, and you don't just leave friends out hanging out in the wind. But you like him.

1:31:57 Caller Oh, I do.

1:31:58 Adam And that's what's going on. So be honest with yourself. And I guess you are by readily admitting all of this to me. When does he get out? And it's kind of weird at 16 to be in somebody who's in the MIG. In the MIG? In the what? In the NIC. In the NIC. That's right.

1:32:17 Caller Yeah. He's going out in May, I believe.

1:32:19 Adam Yeah. That's a lifetime when you're 16 years old. Plus, as we know, even though the guy is remorseful, he has a serious, what I would call a character flaw, to be 13 and making around with an eight year old.

1:32:35 Caller Yeah.

1:32:36 Adam So, Jamie, if you're a beautiful woman, and as you say, Yarn, you're intelligent, as we can hear in your voice, you really need to just sort of move on. Hey, write the guy a letter, send him a pie every once in a while, but move on emotionally.

1:32:51 Caller So, because I really, I do feel like I love this guy, so I-

1:32:54 Drew Oh, Jamie. Oh, man. Something's wrong. Really? Yeah, something's wrong.

1:32:59 Adam Well, I know, but what about the bond? I mean, what about what having sex is for a woman?

1:33:04 Drew No, but I understand, I just-

1:33:05 Caller No, I see with my sex, I have no emotional contact with my sex. I really don't. I have sex with people because I want to, and no emotional attachment with them.

1:33:16 Adam Hey, Jamie, your parents are both the educated, intelligent people who did something wrong somewhere along the way. You know what I'm saying?

1:33:26 Caller Yeah, and you know, I'm listening to your show. I've studied that within myself, but I can't find anything.

1:33:32 Adam Yeah, but you're real analytical, but you don't feel.

1:33:35 Drew Yeah, that's right. And you don't, these things don't change, and art don't come to service by thinking.

1:33:40 Adam That's like me, except for I don't feel, and I don't think about stuff.

1:33:44 Drew And you don't care. That's a problem with you. But Jamie, if you want to do some things.

1:33:48 Adam I just nap and masturbate and smoke leftover pot.

1:33:51 Drew Asshole. Get a therapist and figure out what's going on here, because there's some detachment, some disconnect here.

1:33:58 Adam Greg?

1:33:59 Caller Yeah.

1:33:59 Adam You're 15?

1:34:01 Drew Yes.

1:34:03 Adam You have an overgrown penis?

1:34:04 Caller Yeah.

1:34:05 Trevor Goddard Lucky luck.

1:34:06 Adam How big is it?

1:34:08 Caller Well, I've been to the doctor about this, but it's not really about that. It's about things that happen with it, but hard, it's eight and a half to nine inches.

1:34:16 Big penis.

1:34:17 Drew What happens?

1:34:17 Adam Eight and a half to nine. Nice.

1:34:19 Caller Well, what happened is I'm younger than everybody in my class, and so the doctor said that it's a stress thing, that everybody was going puberty faster than I was. It was more like a stress thing that made me feel that I needed to move along faster, which made my penis grow faster than it should have.

1:34:38 Drew What the hell are you talking about, Greg? That is bizarre thinking.

1:34:42 Adam No doctor told you that.

1:34:44 Caller It was my uncle, my parents talked to my uncle about it, and my uncle was a past physician.

1:34:50 Adam Right.

1:34:50 Drew Before he lost his license.

1:34:51 Adam Before he was stripped and run out of Nevada.

1:34:55 Drew I don't know what they said, but he didn't tell you that. That's not what he said. Well, I guarantee you. Think about all the young guys your age who are wishing their penis bigger, wanting to move along.

1:35:05 Adam Think of all the Buddhists who chant on their penis, all those Asian Buddhists who just numb yo rengay penis grow, please, for hours every day and get nothing.

1:35:14 Trevor Goddard The problem is, it's as thin as a pencil.

1:35:18 Drew Greg, I don't know what they said, but it's your genetic hand that this is occurring.

1:35:22 Adam Yeah.

1:35:23 Caller Well, the whole problem is that I had a past girlfriend last year. I had just turned 15. It was like sometime last school year. And my past girlfriend and we did have sex. And it was something that she said that it hurt a lot, even after her first time.

1:35:44 Drew Yeah. Which is what we hear, is there's much more complaints from women about this problem than the two small problems.

1:35:51 Adam You have a big penis. Right now, I know it feels like a burden. I'm sure one day you'll grow to love it.

1:35:58 Drew The moving along part is the fact that he feels the need to use it at 15. That's what his parents was telling him.

1:36:03 Adam Okay. We'll take a little break. We'll be back after this.

1:36:06 Drew We're about to get funky, yo.

1:36:08 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:36:12 Drew We'll be right back.

1:36:43 Adam You better hope there is, Trevor. Trevor Goddard is here, and that's it. JAG, 8 o'clock, CBS, everybody, Tuesday nights. And come back anytime when the movie comes out or when something else is going on.

1:37:03 Trevor Goddard Yeah, cheers, mate.

1:37:04 Adam He's a good guy, and Trevor, you get an easy feeling around him. Friendly guy, nice guy. Oh, he's gonna kick my ass now for calling Brumby a gay horse. We gotta hurry up. All right, we'll take ourselves about a 22-hour break, and we'll be back tomorrow night. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:37:24 Drew Put that on a wheel, please.

1:37:26 Adam Hey, listen, I can't even smoke weed anymore. I smoke what's left in the bong.

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Sunday, January 2, 2000