Episode 1000754887738

3:33 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

3:40 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

3:42 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

3:44 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

3:46 Voiceover Loveline.

3:48 Adam Yes, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Bruce over there filling in for Dr. Drew. His last night in here. Dr. Drew will be back Sunday night. Phone number 1-800-L-F-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Bruce is board certified. He's an addiction medicine specialist. He removes tattoos from prisoners while they're incarcerated and he specializes in emergency medicine.

4:15 Drew Didn't you want to say hi to the guys at Gino?

4:18 Adam Hi guys.

4:19 Drew All right.

4:19 Adam They're allowed to have radios?

4:20 Drew Yeah, they like you, actually.

4:21 Adam If I was a warden, here would be my policy. Only AM Only AM The only FM station I'd let my prisoners listen to were the traffic stations. Wouldn't that be great? You're locked up in a six by eight cell and you're just listening to traffic reports all day. I'd just pipe it in to the entire... I would pipe traffic reports in every 15 minutes of the entire prison. MXPX is our guest tonight. Yuri, Mike and Tom are all here. And when were you guys in here last?

4:52 Never.

4:52 Adam Never?

4:53 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Never in here.

4:54 Adam Well, how come?

4:55 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce A new room for us.

4:56 How come?

4:57 Adam Yeah. Because how come... How come I think you've been in here? Or how come... Oh, okay.

5:03 The music.

5:04 Adam Now, I know what it is now. I did a commercial, a radio commercial, with one of your songs, or talked about MXPX.

5:16 Yeah.

5:16 Adam That's... What was it for?

5:18 It was for our last album.

5:19 Adam It was?

5:20 It was for the Slow Going Little Buffalo record.

5:22 Adam That's right. Okay. Now, see, I'm not insane. Because that's just how my mind works. We have so many guests. We do this night after night. I'm usually drunk, and I can never remember. But I know... I was thinking, I know, I had these guys on, or I did something with MXPX, and now I know what it is. All right, good. So I'm not nuts. That was on the radio, right?

5:42 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah. That was.

5:43 Adam When did I do that? Do you remember? Do you have my date book there?

5:47 A couple years ago. Right.

5:49 Adam So that slowly going the way the Buffalo is the last CD and the new one's not out yet, right?

5:55 Right.

5:56 Adam When is that coming out?

5:57 Spring.

5:58 Adam Oh, okay.

5:59 Spring this year.

6:00 Adam That is the ever passing moment. MXPX, where are you guys from, by the way?

6:06 Bremerton, Washington.

6:08 Adam Oh, really? Everybody from there?

6:10 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, we all went to the same high school.

6:14 Adam Everyone met in high school, started the band in high school?

6:17 I met Tom in 8th grade, and we were both drummers in different bands and friends. Then I met Mike at the end of 9th grade. Yeah. We just all kind of...

6:26 Adam Did you have any bad names for the band before MXPX?

6:30 Oh, man.

6:31 MXPX is a bad name.

6:32 Bad band names. I had a band called Gone Wrong and stuff like that.

6:35 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce We still do have a bad band name.

6:38 Adam Well, it's not...

6:38 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce We're stuck with it.

6:39 Adam No, but it works.

6:40 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, it works.

6:41 Adam I have no idea what it means, but it works.

6:44 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce That's why it works.

6:45 Adam Does it mean anything?

6:47 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce That's why it works. That's why it works.

6:50 It's a long story we've told way too many times.

6:53 Adam Yeah, I know. This is the one part about my job I lament. I have to ask the stupid questions that people get asked over and over and over again. Like David Arquette comes in here and he's talking about Scream 3, and I go, are there plans to do Scream 4? And he's like, Christ, every goddamn time. But what am I going to do?

7:14 Yeah.

7:15 Adam All right, where did you get the goddamn band name? Come on.

7:17 Go for it.

7:19 Do it, Mike. Hit it, Mike.

7:20 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Come on, Mike. Okay.

7:21 Go, Mike, go.

7:23 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce It used to mean, well, it does, it stands for magnified plaid. And the reason we called ourselves that was because we thought it was funny. But the reason we thought it was funny was because our old guitarist Andy wore this plaid shirt. Like every show we played he'd wear this big plaid shirt. One of our friends said, that's magnified plaid.

7:43 And when you're 15, that's funny.

7:45 When you're 15, that's hilarious.

7:46 And for some reason.

7:49 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah, there you go.

7:49 Adam But MXPX works out.

7:52 Drew There's more to that story.

7:53 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah. So we basically, on our flyers, we put MXPX like MP, but MP sounds like military police.

8:00 Adam Right.

8:01 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce So we set the X's and...

8:03 Adam Spice it up. MXPX, by the way, is going to play a board aid over at Bear Mountain on the 10th.

8:11 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce If that happens.

8:12 Adam 11th and 12th. It may not happen.

8:14 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce I mean, the actual show may not happen.

8:16 Adam Why not?

8:16 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce If it happens, we're playing.

8:18 Sponsorship problems.

8:19 Drew Uh-huh.

8:21 All right. Hopefully it happens, though, because good cause and a good place to play.

8:25 Drew Adam's got lots of money. I want you to ask him to sponsor.

8:29 Yeah.

8:29 Adam I'll dig into my very, very deep pockets and put on a show. It'll be like something from the Archies.

8:36 Oh.

8:37 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Do you get royalties from Toyota ever?

8:39 Adam No. They give me nothing. The name is spelled slightly differently. Although I was driving around yesterday and I was in my car and I heard the all new Corolla and I was listening to it. It usually doesn't strike me, but I thought, I wonder if when people hear this, if people that know me think of me. And then I thought, I bet they don't. Or if they do, they think of something bad.

9:05 We were discussing it in the parking lot.

9:06 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce What a crappy car.

9:08 Adam What an a-hole. All right. Bob is, Bruce, what are you doing with the stick ons there? It's a little confusing.

9:15 Drew Well, this one, I gave you a choice. This is a normal adolescent development issue.

9:18 Adam All right. Get at it. Jesus, Bob. Bob.

9:24 Drew Yes.

9:24 Adam Caller goes by the name Bob. You're 35.

9:26 Caller Yes.

9:27 Adam What's up?

9:28 Caller You know, I like to put, when I get home from work, I like to put peanut butter on my penis and in my hand, and I like my dog to lick it. I'm just wondering if there's any kind of infection I could get.

9:42 Adam I really wish you did do that, Bob.

9:44 Caller Yeah.

9:45 Adam I wish you did. It'd make for a good call, but I just don't believe you.

9:49 Caller It's one of those urban legends.

9:51 Caller They love Skippy.

9:53 Adam Is Skippy the name of your penis or is that the brand of peanut butter you rub on yourself?

9:57 Caller The brand of peanut butter. I'm not lying.

9:59 Drew Yeah, whippie and skippy.

9:59 Adam You're not?

10:00 Caller No. No, I'm serious, doctor.

10:02 Drew Listen.

10:02 Adam Where are you calling from?

10:04 Caller I'm calling from this place.

10:06 Adam What kind of dog do you have?

10:08 Caller A Labrador and a Tarala.

10:11 Drew Yeah. Does Drew do an accent like that?

10:13 Caller Excuse me?

10:13 Adam No. All right, Bob. Bob, there's a teenager strung out on heroin who are this close to killing themselves. They're on hold. Okay, idiot.

10:21 Drew Bob sounds like tertiary syphilis of the brain. That's very sick. No, really. I think we should point out bestiality is really quite.

10:28 Adam Listen, I don't have a problem with bestiality.

10:31 Drew Yeah, I know you don't. So I'll just speak for the normal masses. No, really. It's a very sick thing. Okay.

10:35 Adam Let me explain why I don't mind bestiality. Good.

10:39 Drew Can I respond?

10:40 Adam All right. I'll explain. A, I'm thinking of myself. Like, we had a guy called in a few, God, it must have been a year and a half ago now. He was performing fellatio on his dog. He also would have his dog mount him and enter him. And people were calling up and they were outraged. They wanted to kill this son of a bitch. My feeling is, is as a dog, you have a few choices in life. You know, you could be pulling a fat Eskimo across some tundra. You could be at the airport sniffing out bombs and pot. Or you could be getting a BJ from your owner. So that's A, number one. You know, this dog gets to sleep on the bed. That's all I'm saying. The dog smoke after sex? Number two, you think the dog knows he's being exploited? No. Listen, if the dog humps sofa pillows, don't you think he'd be glad to hump an owner? You know what I'm saying? How bad is it for the dog? You think the dog's friends are making fun of him? The dog's probably on top of him going in, who's the master now? Yeah. I mean, how is that exploitation of a dog? It doesn't know what's going on. I don't think it's so bad, and it keeps this sicko occupied. He stays in, humps the dog, and meanwhile the kids get to play in the schoolyard unmolested.

11:57 Drew Okay, if this guy was going out with an ugly woman, and there aren't any ugly women, but just to use your terminology, you would delve into this guy's relationship with his mother and everything. Now this guy is sexually the dog, and you're not even asking those questions.

12:13 Adam Obviously sick, but it's an agreement. He's struck between him and his dog, and they're staying home, and no, I don't have to see it, and that's fine with me, and the dog is fine. Believe me, the dog is fine.

12:27 Drew It would imply that it's a viable choice for you also, then, if you consider it that.

12:32 Adam Give me a couple of tall boys, we'll talk. Mike? Hey, Adam? You're 17.

12:37 Caller Yeah. My ex-girlfriend left me for this little jackhole, and she's dated him for about two months now, and I was at a club tonight before, because I'm still in high school, I was still in a club tonight, and I saw him there with another girl, and they were pretty much like going at it, but it wasn't her. It was some other girl. Should I tell her that I saw it? I still care about her, and I'm so crazy about her. Should I tell him to lay off and be faithful, or should I tell her?

13:10 Adam I don't think you're going to get her back just because he's cheating.

13:12 Caller It's not that, it's just I don't want her back.

13:14 Adam You don't?

13:16 Caller I care about her as a friend.

13:17 Adam You'd take her back.

13:19 Caller Yeah, I know. She's hot.

13:21 Adam All right. Get your story straight, Mike. You're still into her.

13:24 Drew The issue is not whether or not you tell somebody. I pick up when I listen to you, the codependency thing, the not breaking off the relationship, and it's over, and it's none of your business what she does anymore. You're still emotionally involved.

13:40 Adam Oh, yes. All right. So Mike, here's what you need to do. She's done with you. You're 17. I mean, you guys know, you guys all been through this, right? Yeah. I mean, this is like that first big breakup. You're obsessed with her. You can't stop thinking about her. Every song means something.

13:58 Caller Michael Bolton is a philosopher at this point.

14:00 Adam Right. He's a sage, this man.

14:03 Caller Yes. It's not like that, though. It's like I'm like, you know, I care about her as a friend now.

14:08 Adam Yeah, but you just got done.

14:09 Caller I'm not willing to go for it. And yeah, it still hurts, but you know, like you said in your book, it takes one month to 15 months to get over someone, but you're eventually going to get over it.

14:16 Adam I never read that. I don't remember writing it. We just had some gross writer out of New York write that entire thing. I just showed up for the cover photo session and that was it. Listen, when have you, I mean, seriously, we always talk in terms of, well, I mean, we're over, but I still care about her. When have you lost your feeling to be with someone, but still really cared about their day-to-day existence? And the answer is really never. When you're done, you're done. And this guy's not done and he has to admit it to himself. But I don't think he's going to win her back by sabotaging her current relationship. He's got to move on. It's just going to get him more tied up in it.

14:56 Drew Self-esteem will be in the... Right.

14:58 Adam He's got to get back. Cher? Cher? Char?

15:05 Char.

15:05 Adam Sorry, Char.

15:07 Hi.

15:07 Adam You're 22. What's up?

15:09 Caller Well, my boyfriend had a hickey on his neck, and he told me he must have gotten it from his dog or cat.

15:18 Adam Hold on. There's nothing wrong with a little foreplay.

15:21 Caller Yeah.

15:23 Caller Yeah. That's what I think.

15:25 Drew No.

15:26 Adam He wouldn't know if it was from his dog or his cat, huh?

15:29 Caller Yeah. I know he doesn't let his animals sleep with him, but he told me he don't know where it came from. It had to be from one of them.

15:37 Drew Does he know his animals in the biblical sense, or what are we dealing with here?

15:41 Caller You know, I feel like he is playing with me. I don't think you'd forget a dog or a cat sucking on your neck if you're awake, and his animals don't sleep with him.

15:52 Adam I do not think a dog or a cat is capable of giving a hickey, unless it's a kitten or a puppy, and he's got an extra, a numeral nipple on his neck.

16:01 Caller And this hickey was like the size of one of those half-dollar pieces. So, I mean, it wasn't no small hickey.

16:08 Adam All right. Shar, why are you with him?

16:11 Caller Actually, I broke up with him because I didn't believe him, and I thought that was just, you know, Good. Excellent. being a player.

16:20 Adam Right. Okay, good. You did the right thing.

16:23 Caller Okay.

16:23 Adam All right.

16:24 Caller But I do have a question. Why? I believe he's playing me. I don't want him back or anything, but two weeks before that, he asked me to marry him. And just for the understanding that I've never been played before, why would a player do that? And I have a son and he got all close to my son. And I mean...

16:41 Drew It gives him a stable base of operation. He has the security of always being able to go back to you. And he's asked you to marry him. Now he's going to even act out more frequently. And that sounds like what he did.

16:53 Adam Hey, Char.

16:54 Caller Yeah?

16:55 Adam Yeah, focus on your kid, would you?

16:57 Caller Oh, I am.

16:58 Adam And enough of these goofball guys.

16:59 Caller I put myself to my kid, but I just wanted to know.

17:03 Adam All right. I don't care. I'll tell you, what is up with the hick? You know, it's funny when you're, when you're, and this guy's obviously an idiot because anyone who's getting, I got to find out how old he is. Char? Yeah? How old is this guy?

17:18 Caller He's 23.

17:20 Adam Okay, he's an idiot.

17:20 Drew He could at least have picked a sucking animal.

17:22 Caller I think I'm around 23.

17:24 Adam No, no, you're not, you're not 23. I mean, you're not an idiot by virtue of the fact that you're 23. But the deal is, is the thing I find funny about sex is the hickey is there to prove that you've done something. And like when you're younger, it's all about having some evidence. Some panties, smell my finger, check out this hickey. You know what I'm saying? It's all about evidence that you actually got to be with someone of the opposite sex. But then as you get older, it kind of becomes the opposite. It's like you start covering your tracks. You don't want evidence that you've been with somebody. It's strange how that works in life. Now, when you're in your 20s and you're walking around with a hickey on your neck. By the way, if you're cheating, don't let the person give you a hickey. I will wear a whiplash collar into the whorehouse when I'm cheating. You know what I mean? I'll spray apple bitters on my neck just in case anyone gets any ideas. All right. Idiot. Andrew.

18:25 Caller Hey.

18:26 Adam You're 16.

18:27 Caller Yeah.

18:27 Adam What's up?

18:28 Okay, my girlfriend claims she's a virgin, but she's on the pill. Now, she says it's because of her acne and that it's supposed to cure them, but I think there's more behind that. Like, she's very emotional, right? And for somebody that's never been physically active before this relationship, she's very loose when it comes to like down south or whatever. And I think there's more like kind of incest going on, but I don't know how to bring it up. If not, who do I call?

18:49 Drew Do you always talk that rapidly and intensely?

18:51 No.

18:51 Drew Okay, well, that's very irritating.

18:54 Adam Although he does answer that question very intensely. What do you mean she's a little loose downstairs?

18:59 Like it doesn't take her long to get loose. Like we've been making out for maybe like not even like two minutes at the most, right? And like she's already to go.

19:07 Drew Yeah, well, it didn't bother you at first. Now it bothers you because you think she's messing around with somebody else.

19:11 Caller Right.

19:12 Kind of like emotional.

19:14 Adam Hey, but listen, Matt Locke, just because she gets excited doesn't mean she's not a virgin.

19:21 No, I know that. But like her dad's a really strange guy. And like she's like I've met him a couple of times and he's very strange. And like, you know, it's it's not right. She's like very, very emotional.

19:31 Adam What about her hymen? Have you run into that?

19:33 No.

19:34 Adam Wouldn't you have a hymen if you're a virgin, Bruce?

19:37 Drew Well, you know, riding horses can alter that structure.

19:40 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce You're riding horses.

19:41 Drew Listen, there are more teenagers, teenage females, hopefully on birth control pills for non birth control reasons than there are using it for birth control.

19:51 Adam So why?

19:52 Drew Because there it's really a nice way to have regular periods. You're when you have your hormones raging up and down.

20:01 Adam Bruce, try to keep a consistent distance from the mic. I know you you you talk like you're an Italian chef or something.

20:08 Drew If I get too close to you. They don't find you very funny.

20:17 Adam Don't put your hands on. Just keep, just stay consistent. Let's do the radio. Here we go. Ready? Go. I swear to God, I try to help him. Each and every time I try to help him, but he can't help himself.

20:30 Drew You know, I'm really into this tonight.

20:32 Adam I know, but don't move your hands. Keep your head still. Oh, move your hands, but keep your head still, please.

20:39 Drew Okay.

20:39 Adam All right, so more women are on birth control.

20:42 Drew Teenage girls.

20:43 Adam Teenage girls for other reasons.

20:46 Drew Regulate the menstrual cycle.

20:47 Adam And what about the skin?

20:49 What do you mean?

20:50 Adam That's you. Bruce, what about the skin? She says it's for her skin.

20:55 Drew Well, it's not specifically for the skin, but if the cycles are regular, then the acne will be less of a problem. So her story is very plausible.

21:04 Adam All right.

21:04 Drew Listen, don't put that thing in my mouth.

21:06 Adam I'm going to mount it to your head like an oak bucket.

21:10 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Seems like they just use regular acne medicine for that.

21:13 Adam Yeah.

21:14 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Well, it's a lot less annoying. You don't have to keep on a schedule.

21:17 Drew Well, in terms of going to a physician and having typical adolescent female complaints, it's not unusual to be starting on birth control pills. So this guy sounds really quite suspicious and paranoid.

21:28 Adam Yeah, Andrew, why are you freaking out so much?

21:32 I've had bad relationships in the past.

21:33 Adam Okay, so that means everyone you get hooked up with is automatically bad, then, right?

21:37 Not necessarily.

21:38 Adam All right. Well, why don't you just relax and enjoy your youth a little?

21:42 Okay.

21:42 Adam And enjoy some of mine while you're there. I don't know where it is.

21:46 I have to admit, you are funny.

21:47 Adam Oh, thank you.

21:48 Have a good night.

21:49 Adam Okay.

21:49 Bye.

21:50 Adam All right. Man. You know, I blame the show. Yeah, I think we can... The dad's a little weird. She's a little loose south of the border.

22:00 Drew He said that all... And you got her in bed with... Dad, that's very... Very strange.

22:05 Adam Yeah, I mean, he's jumping right to it. Chris?

22:08 Hi, yeah.

22:09 Adam You're 19. What's up?

22:10 Caller I'm first MXPX.

22:12 I felt like somewhat more comfortable when I heard y'all's voices. I grew up listening to your music.

22:17 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Wait, I recognize you.

22:19 Who are you?

22:21 I'm Chris. I just wanted to say that. Okay, this is about a month ago. It's hard for me to talk about. I was in a bar where I know the bartender and I was drinking and I got really drunk. I met up with an older guy there and he asked me if he could go back to my apartment where I live by myself. I blacked out and I don't know if we had sex or not. He told me we didn't, but the next day when I woke up, I was really sore and I was bleeding. Now I think I'm pregnant. I don't know. I'm wondering if there's any way besides being pregnant, knowing if I had sex with him or not.

23:00 Adam How long ago did this happen?

23:02 Over a month ago.

23:03 Adam Where was he the next morning when he came to?

23:06 In my bed.

23:08 Adam But he said he didn't have sex?

23:10 Yeah. I asked him. He told me we didn't, but I was really sore and I was bleeding. I just don't know.

23:19 Drew There's no way to tell.

23:21 Adam Wait a minute. That's a pretty good sign.

23:23 Drew If it was him specifically.

23:24 Adam Was he smoking?

23:26 No.

23:26 Adam No, because that's what happens, at least in the movies. You got a 46-year-old guy laying next to you in bed. Are you undressed?

23:34 Yeah.

23:36 Adam Well, you figure in your sore, you figure you had sex with him. That's- Signs point to yes. Yes. You know what I mean, Chris?

23:45 Yeah.

23:46 Adam Right?

23:47 Yeah.

23:48 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Definitely the best thing you could do would be-

23:50 Drew She's real upset and I think this is something you probably, in the back of your mind, you were unfortunately pretty sure happened, and the thing you need to do is have a pelvic exam and have a pregnancy test and talk to somebody. You go somewhere like family planning and these are very empathic, caring people that will sit down with you and talk about. That's what you really need.

24:10 Adam You think he put something- Bruce will talk you off there.

24:13 Drew Yeah. Because I'm an empathic, caring person also, contrary to what Adam said.

24:16 Adam I'm going to pee and yell at our producer. Chris, do you think he put something in your drink?

24:23 I don't know. He was buying me drinks. I don't know. I was just really stupid.

24:28 Adam Well, do you have a problem with alcohol?

24:31 Yeah.

24:31 Adam You do?

24:32 Yeah.

24:32 Adam All right. Well, see, this is, on blackouts, you should look at slowing down a little with the drinking too, right?

24:40 I've been told that. I've been in therapy for about a year, but I quit.

24:44 Drew Yeah. You know, from what you've described, blackouts, for instance, are red flags and markers for genetic alcoholism. So at this point, for someone, a physician like myself to say you're alcoholic from the evidence, you've arrived at that point. The question now would be to, I think, deal with the trauma of what happened to you and really-

25:04 Adam Yeah. I've known a handful of people have blacked out, and that doesn't mean pass out. That just means you don't know where you are and you can't remember a thing you've done. I, by the way, wish I'd blacked out many a time because I can remember vividly all the disgusting, horrible debauchery things I've done. I remember vomiting in a ice maker in Tijuana. I remember doing other things in Tijuana that I don't even want to talk about. I remember I urinated in an ice machine. That was in Orange County, actually.

25:35 Drew I just had a revelation.

25:37 Adam I remember every stupid thing I've ever done drunk, and that means I'm not an alcoholic, by the way. When you're an alcoholic, like Chris is, you black out and then horrible guys do horrible things.

25:49 Drew Sounds like a little rationalization. Not all alcoholics black out.

25:53 Adam I did some gay porn in the late 70s. I'll see you. But I remember it. I sure do.

25:58 Drew Is there any connection with your sympathizing with bestiality calls and what you did to go on under the influence?

26:04 Adam I'm an atheist. OK. We'll take a little break. MXPX is here tonight. We're going to hear something off their CD when we come back. Dr. Bruce will be back with a newfound respect for radio after this. It's Loveline, and you know what I love about Dr. Bruce? I just get done yelling at him about doing radio. Two nights this week, he shows up after the show begins. Here's my point with Bruce, and people give me a hard time for giving him a hard time, but let me just give you my take on Bruce. Just be nice. He's a squirrely guy, but he's a nice guy, and he's a great guy, and he's a qualified guy. But this is a huge national radio show. And he's like comes from like he lives in Redlands and works in some refrigerator box of a hospital over there. And this is a huge opportunity for him. Oh, yeah. Now, the fact that he takes this huge opportunity of a national radio show and shows up, let's say, five minutes late, two nights in a row, that's bizarre to me. You know what this is? This would be like Susan Anton begging to give you a blowjob and you not taking a shower before hand. Wait, I gotta think of more current. Let's say Pam Anderson. This is like a, this show is like a big, beautiful blonde that wants to go down on you and you're saying, I'll think about it and then when you finally do, you don't even wash your junk.

28:04 Drew In 12 years, how many times have I been late?

28:08 Adam In three days, how many times you've been late? That's the way I like to put it.

28:12 Drew Risking my life on the freeways.

28:13 Adam All right. MXPX is our guest tonight. We have Yuri and Mike and Tom all here from the band. We're going to hear something off their... Well, not... Wait a minute. We're hearing something off an old CD, right?

28:25 Caller Right.

28:26 Adam What CD are we hearing?

28:27 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Actually, our live CD.

28:28 Caller We're hearing it from live.

28:29 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce It's our latest release.

28:30 Adam Ah.

28:32 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Really?

28:32 Caller The live record.

28:34 Adam Didn't say anything about that here. All right, so when is the... OK, you got a live CD out. All right. Now it's all starting to make sense. Because I couldn't figure out why we're playing something from an old CD, but now I know it's a new CD. It's an old song. Here we go. So this is... You queued up there, Anderson? Yeah? Yes? Anderson? You queued up? Yeah. OK. OK, well, say no, then, if you're not queued up.

29:02 Caller No, not quite yet.

29:05 Drew I'm picking on that guy, Sam.

29:06 Adam I'm starting to kill myself.

29:08 Drew Me and him, huh?

29:08 Adam All right, we'll take a call.

29:10 Caller We'll take a call.

29:12 Adam I just mean if you're not ready to go, just say no. Angie?

29:15 What's going on?

29:16 Adam You're 19.

29:17 Caller Yes. Well, I was wondering, I've been dating my boyfriend for about three months, and we've both been tested for HIV, chlamydia, hepatitis, all that kind of stuff. And we basically use the pullout method. And I'm just scared about getting pregnant or, I don't know, how effective is it?

29:37 Adam A pullout method?

29:38 Caller Very unaffected, right?

29:40 Adam No, it's, it's, and it's rough on the comforter, too.

29:45 Caller Well, we usually use a towel.

29:46 Adam Use a towel?

29:47 Caller Yeah.

29:48 Adam Is he draped that across you like a maitre d when he carries out the wine? How does he do that?

29:54 Caller Well, we basically put it under me.

29:57 Adam They put the towel under you?

29:58 Caller Yeah, or under him, whichever, who's on top.

30:00 Adam Uh-huh. So you basically just catch runoff, but you don't get it at the source?

30:05 Caller No.

30:06 Adam No. I see. Because that's not romantic.

30:08 Caller Well, one time I almost did. Or I thought I got some in me, but I don't think I did.

30:12 Drew Yes, you did. Every time you do, because there's pre-ejaculate that has a little sperm running around in it. So it's just a miracle that you haven't gotten pregnant thus far.

30:21 Adam And that kind of thing is hard to time because sometimes you're kind of going before you know you're going. Exactly. I mean, it's not much of a science.

30:34 Drew What's wrong with the birth control pill or condoms and foam?

30:37 Caller Well, the latex actually irritates me.

30:41 Drew Polyurethane.

30:42 Caller Yes.

30:44 Adam You can use polyurethane.

30:46 Drew They're non-latex condoms.

30:49 Caller Yeah, they're like 20 bucks for three of them.

30:52 Adam All right. And what do you think a college education costs these days, Angie?

30:56 Caller Oh, I know. Believe me. Okay.

31:00 Drew Birth control pills.

31:02 Caller Yes.

31:02 Adam What about that?

31:03 Caller Well, they just, they really irritate my whole cycle. Yeah.

31:09 Drew How many different pills have you tried?

31:11 Caller I've tried actually only one, and that was when I was 16.

31:15 Drew Okay. Well, I think that's unless you're really anxious to become a mom real quick.

31:20 Adam And plus, you don't want, no kid wants a retard raising them. You know what I'm saying? You tried the pill. You tried one of the many pills three years ago. Yes. Go out and get a new pill. You can just get it adjusted. Find one that works for you. All right?

31:38 Caller Okay.

31:38 Adam All right. And stop this pullout routine, all right?

31:41 Caller Okay.

31:42 Drew He can get his little...

31:43 Adam What?

31:44 Drew He can have his procedure to have his tubes tied.

31:47 Adam No, they won't do that. How old is your boyfriend?

31:50 Caller He is 22.

31:52 Adam Yeah.

31:52 Caller He's actually very conscious, and I think that he actually can control it.

31:57 Drew No.

31:58 Adam Well, listen, he can come close, pardon the pun, but you never know.

32:03 Drew But it's normal to have fluid come out before the orgasm, okay? That's physiologic, and that fluid does have a small number of sperm in it, enough to get you pregnant.

32:13 Adam Right.

32:13 Drew So it's not an issue of his control.

32:16 Adam Right. All right. You good there, Anderson? All right. Now we're gonna hear something live from the MXPX, and this is called Chick Magnet.

33:43 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Oh, yeah, okay, okay. Alright, here it goes, here it goes.

35:34 Adam That would be MXPX, Chick Magnet off their live CD. And that sounded real good, yeah?

35:40 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Yeah.

35:41 Caller You can make 15 people sound really good when you like triple the tracks and all that stuff.

35:45 Adam Where did you record that?

35:47 Caller We recorded, well, we did that live record August of 98.

35:53 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Washington, DC and Philadelphia, two shows, and just put the best songs from the two shows.

36:00 Adam And so you just, now you play basically the same set for both shows and then just pick the song that went the best that particular night?

36:11 Caller Pretty much, yeah.

36:12 Adam And how much screwing with it after? I mean, that sounded really tight. It sounded clean, it sounded really good. Did you have to mess with it much?

36:20 Caller A little bit, and then the guys who mixed it, messed with it a bit too, just EQing and stuff like that. Making things sound good. I mean, the guys who did it, Bill and Stefan from All, used to be in the Senate, they have a studio out in Colorado and they're just really good.

36:33 Adam You know, the thing about, I love live CDs because they have the energy, but sometimes they fall a little short musically. And at least that one sounded real good.

36:45 Caller But we also try really hard to play good live.

36:48 Adam Yeah. It sounded like it. All right, Bruce. Yes, sir. You got a call picked out there? Yes, you do. Paul?

36:54 Hello?

36:55 Adam You're 15?

36:56 Caller Yeah.

36:57 Adam What's up?

36:58 Caller Well, I have this problem. Like, whenever I like pee, like, it like comes out in two separate streams, kind of like windshield wiper spray.

37:10 Adam Right.

37:10 Caller It makes a mess. It goes all over the magazine rack and the toilet paper and the garbage can and it just pisses me off. And I want to know if that's normal or whatever.

37:20 Caller Is this a constant thing?

37:21 Caller Yeah, it happens like every time.

37:23 Drew Is it ever normal? Is this something new or has it always been this way?

37:27 Adam I don't know.

37:27 Caller It's been this way for like the past six months or so.

37:30 Adam No, this is a BS call. You think so? Yeah, I don't believe you, Paul. Okay. You know why? Because he's saying the exact same thing I said a couple of years ago when I was talking about coming out in a split screen. Split stream. I was talking about coming out like wiper spray. I'm trying to think where I did this.

37:51 Drew Stand up routine.

37:51 Adam You're doing my stuff, Paul. Come on. Admit it.

37:55 Caller What are you talking about?

37:56 Adam Oh, see, now that's lying. Do you catch that? What are you talking about, that righteous indignation? Come on, Paul. I want you to pee right now.

38:08 Caller I did already.

38:08 Adam Go to the bathroom and let's pee.

38:11 Drew Adam can see you.

38:12 Caller Do you want me to?

38:12 Adam Yes.

38:13 Drew He's watching.

38:14 Caller OK.

38:15 Adam All right.

38:16 Caller I'm going.

38:17 Adam OK.

38:18 Caller And you're going to just stay on the line here?

38:21 Adam You're going to walk over with the phone, and I'm going to hear you pee in the toilet. And I better hear two streams. And I can tell two streams.

38:27 Drew He can tell the difference between two streams on the receiver and one.

38:29 Adam I'm like an Indian. You know when the Indian puts his head down to the ground, and he says, hmm, a horse coming, 30 men, maybe 35. That's how I am with urine in teenagers.

38:40 All right.

38:41 Adam Ready? Go ahead, Paul.

38:42 All right.

38:43 Drew All right.

38:50 Caller They have a nice tone to it.

38:52 Drew You can sample that.

38:53 Caller Wow.

38:54 Adam He said he didn't have to pee. Alright, that is not a split stream, Paul. No. You lying sack.

39:03 Drew He had a glass of water.

39:04 Adam Oh, yeah. Please, oh, please, who cares? I hope it turns into a tri-stream. You understand me?

39:12 Drew Okay.

39:12 Adam You little lying sack. Don't try to pull my chain. Alright, but Bruce.

39:17 Drew You could get inflammation of sexually transmitted disease and develop scarring in the urethra, so.

39:22 Adam What should a guy do hypothetically who is having that problem?

39:26 Drew See the urologist and he's going to scope the individual or retrograde urethra. You could put dye through there.

39:33 Caller It's going to hurt, whatever.

39:35 Adam I hope it's excruciating.

39:37 Drew The Q-tip, this far up to check for STDs.

39:41 Adam Oh, my God.

39:43 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Is that something you can do at home? Like when you're bored?

39:47 Drew If you enjoy that sort of thing.

39:50 Adam We're going to go to break, but before we do, we'll speak to Chloe who's 15. Chloe?

39:54 Caller Hello?

39:55 Adam Yeah.

39:55 Caller Hi.

39:56 Hi.

39:57 Caller I assume there's this problem that older men are very attracted to me.

40:01 Adam Yeah, I think that's the same thing.

40:03 It's not just like regular older men, it's like my friends' fathers.

40:07 Adam All right, hold on. Bruce, put that away, you idiot.

40:10 Drew It's an older man. I was giving an example.

40:13 Adam Jesus Christ, you're like some kind of hyperkinetic kid. I'm going to have to pull the studio over and discipline you or something. Don't make me flash the lights on and off in here, I'll do it. Chloe, I'm sorry. We're right in the middle of talking about your big breasts. Bruce shows me a picture of a diseased penis from his medical book. Do you understand what kind of a mixed message that sends my penis and scrotum? Yeah. Yeah, you can sympathize. I don't have a relationship with you. Now, what's going on? Are you overdeveloped?

40:43 I guess. I mean, what would be your definition of overdeveloped?

40:46 Adam Well, I would say having a larger top side and a thinner bottom side.

40:53 Yeah, I guess so then, because I'm the size C.

40:56 Adam C? That's not too big.

40:59 Drew There's somebody that's making you uncomfortable with your body, and what's that all about?

41:04 Well, it's like when I go over my friends' houses and I'm there hanging out with them, and their fathers start coming on to me, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I have only older guys coming on to me.

41:16 Drew How do you dress?

41:17 I dress regular. I don't wear very provocative clothing usually.

41:20 Adam Pasties and a thong back normally. I mean, during the summer.

41:26 Drew That's really pretty sick for adult men, and especially if their daughters are friends with you, to come on to you like that. So there's some major gap in credibility.

41:37 Adam Don't go over there.

41:39 I don't, but even when I just go out with my friends to like a diner or a pool hall or just like anywhere, older guys come on to me. They'll have like 16, 17 year old guys coming on to them and like I'll get like 28 year old, 30 year old.

41:53 Drew Did you ever have any molestation or any? Were you ever molested? Any kind of problems when you were younger?

42:02 Adam Hey Chloe, you're 15, don't go to the pool hall.

42:06 Caller Well, it's like you can play pool there and like a lot of my friends hang out there.

42:09 Adam Let me write this down. Let me write that down.

42:11 Drew Pool and pool.

42:11 Adam You can play pool there. I see. I have to check out one of these pool halls. I have a hypothetical question for Chloe. Hey Chloe? Yeah? At the video arcade, what do they got there? Pool or more videos or? Chloe, Chloe, here's what I'm hearing in your voice. We got to go to break. I'm going to give you a little tough love. I know guys are looking, but there's a part of you that's bringing it on and a part of you that's liking it. It's one of those things in a way you're almost bragging about. No, really it isn't. You don't like it. You don't like it. Wear something loose and do not go back to those houses where the dads are ogling you. You'll be fine. It's a good thing. I know it's a little uncomfortable, but it will be considered a blessing one day.

43:02 Drew She's not breaking down in tears and running out of the house.

43:03 Adam I was getting the vibe that she was kind of digging the attention and that's sort of the female equivalent to the guy who calls and says, I got this problem. My penis is so big. I can't ride a bicycle. It's very uncomfortable. Everyone looks at me. I'm some kind of freak of nature. Women just want me for sex. I don't know what to do. I'm being objectified. You know what I mean? It's a problem, but they're kind of bragging about it at the same time. All right. I'm taking a break.

43:30 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Tom really doesn't want to. Here's my phone number.

43:32 Adam Bruce, and I'll tell you what you can do with that point. When we come back, you can't make it either. All right? We'll be back after this.

43:42 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce We'll be right back with more Loveline.

44:09 Adam All right, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Bruce. Barely filling in for Dr. Drew all week. Yuri, Mike, and Tom are all here from MXPX. They have themselves a live CD out called At the Show, MXPX At the Show, and Slowly Going the Way the Buffalo. That's the one I did the radio spot for is also out, and you can look forward to another CD coming out, when did we say?

44:34 Caller Spring.

44:34 Adam Spring.

44:35 Caller We also look forward to a home video around then too.

44:37 Adam All right.

44:38 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Home video will be out before that, actually.

44:41 Adam We will hop back on the phone.

44:43 Drew Is it a full moon tonight?

44:44 Adam And speak to Matt, who's 14. Matt, you smoke peanut shells to get high? Yeah. Uh-huh. And then you blow the smoke on your penis, and your dog licks it off? No. No. That's the full circle.

44:59 Caller That's the going rate. That's the going thing around here.

45:02 Adam Yeah. And what's the problem? You can't afford weed? No.

45:07 I just wanted to try it out, I guess.

45:09 It's legal, so.

45:10 Adam Right. You know why it's legal? Because it doesn't work.

45:15 Drew I got some old socks at home. You could smoke, you'd probably get a little more buzz off that. Why peanut shells? Is this some underground theory on the internet or what?

45:23 Caller Got to try banana peels.

45:25 Adam Yeah, those work.

45:26 Drew Yeah. It's dipped in formaldehyde.

45:28 Adam Does the peanut shell, does it get you high?

45:31 Caller Yeah, the little red parts.

45:33 Adam The little skin.

45:34 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce What kind of peanuts is this?

45:35 Adam Wait, what part gets you high?

45:36 Caller The little red skin around the peanut.

45:38 Adam Oh, that's not the shell. The little husk around the peanut?

45:43 Caller Yeah.

45:44 Adam That gets you high?

45:45 Caller Yeah.

45:45 Adam Well, what if you eat it? How come you don't get high when you eat it?

45:49 Caller I don't know. You have to smoke a lot of it.

45:51 Caller You're eating a lot of peanuts too, huh?

45:53 Drew You know what that's called? It's called anoxia. You don't have any oxygen going to your brain. You're getting so much smoke in your lungs.

45:59 Adam You suck on anything long enough and hard enough, you'll get a rush.

46:05 Drew What's your background in experimenting with chemicals? Any other alcohol, regularly?

46:10 I drink every once in a while and I smoked weed for a while.

46:13 Drew Every day?

46:14 Caller No.

46:15 Drew Anybody alcoholic in your family or have a drug problem? Father, grandparents?

46:19 Caller No.

46:19 Adam All right. Hey, stop it, Matt. Okay?

46:22 Drew All right.

46:24 Adam And don't do anything else. Just stop smoking stuff. George Washington Carver couldn't even have come up with this one. We'll see the guy came up with like 75 things to do with peanuts.

46:33 Drew Yeah. I believe so.

46:35 Adam He was like the great black scientist who had some sort of peanut obsession.

46:40 Drew No, he had some amazing discoveries.

46:42 Adam Well, sure. Peanut butter and peanut cookies. That guy was a genius. George Washington Carver must have been on the chronic. He was a black guy. He was probably smoking weed a couple hundred years ago. He was thinking, what can I do with these peanuts?

46:55 Drew If you brought him back today and he heard that first call or with the peanut butter, he'd probably just go, oh my God.

46:59 Adam All right.

47:00 I didn't intend such a thing.

47:01 Adam I can see his buddies like going, okay, I'm out of stuff. Let's scrape the bong for resins. The guy's got a coat hanger and then he's pulling out peanut butter. Going, what the hell? Dave?

47:14 Yeah.

47:15 Adam You're 20.

47:16 Caller Yeah. How are you doing? Good.

47:19 Adam You noticed that three or four months into a relationship, you treat girls badly.

47:24 Yeah.

47:25 Caller First of all, I like to say hi to MXPX. I think you guys are cool. Thanks, man.

47:29 Yeah.

47:30 Caller Three to four months into a relationship, usually I start treating my girlfriend badly.

47:37 Adam Right.

47:37 Caller Like I notice things that are not, I'm going to start snapping at, for example, my last relationship, I started snapping at my girlfriend three, four months into it and I was just for no reason. I don't know why.

47:48 Adam All right. You start picking on them.

47:49 Caller Yeah. Like minimal stuff.

47:53 Adam All right. How's your mom? Do you like your mom?

47:56 Caller Yeah, I totally do. That's the thing. I was wondering, you guys talk a lot about how my certain relationships mask your parents' relationships and stuff.

48:06 Adam Yeah.

48:06 Caller And I was wondering, see, my mom and dad get along pretty well.

48:10 Adam All right. Well, then knock it off.

48:12 Drew What are you, are these girls that you chase to get? Or how did the relationship start?

48:18 Caller See, I don't know. Usually the girls I chase are not into me. And the ones that I don't chase are like, you know.

48:26 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Well, that's the one I don't want.

48:27 Drew Yeah, that's the one.

48:28 Caller You got to find the happy medium.

48:29 Adam Yeah. Hey, Dave, you know what you're doing. Just be cognizant of it and try not to do it. I mean, work on yourself. I mean, there's no magic answer here. We all do those things in relationships that aren't great for relationships. And the point is, is with each successive relationship, you try to sort of catch yourself when you start sliding into that dark area that you did in your last relationship. You try to catch yourself and stop yourself from doing it.

48:56 Drew Can I ask him when he starts having sex in the relationships?

48:59 Adam No. Blake.

49:00 Hello?

49:01 Adam You're 15.

49:02 Caller Yeah.

49:02 Adam You have 36 E boobs.

49:05 Caller Yes, I do.

49:06 Adam Uh-huh. At 15, wow.

49:08 Caller Yeah, I know. And nobody in my family has boobs like that.

49:12 Adam Well, no, you took them all.

49:13 Caller No.

49:14 Adam Your mom and sister are pissed. All right. Same thing happens to me and my dad with the penis, although I came up on the losing end. Yeah.

49:27 Yeah.

49:27 Caller I want to know when they stopped growing.

49:29 Adam Well, how big is the rest of you? Are you a big person?

49:34 I'm five feet tall.

49:35 Adam Yeah.

49:36 Caller And I'm about 140.

49:40 Adam 140. All right. You got a little heft, but I wouldn't call you big and fat.

49:45 You know, I'm just a little chubby in some areas.

49:48 Adam All right. Well, hold on a second, Blake, because we got to take a break, okay? And then we'll get back to you in the boobs, all right?

49:54 Caller All right.

49:55 Adam All right.

49:56 Drew Interestingly enough, this is the same answer I was going to give the other question you wouldn't let me answer after the break.

50:01 Adam Great. We'll see if we can do it twice in a row after this.

50:05 Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

50:08 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. It's Loveline. We're going to take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the fabulous show in just 10 seconds.

50:59 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam, that is Bruce. Eerie Mike and Tom are all here from MXPX. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew will be in here next week. And, uh, Warren G., wait a minute, that's the week after that. All right, I'll tell you who's going to be on next week as soon as I figure it out. Bruce, sit down, please. All right. Oh, wait a minute. Since I miss Drew so much, why don't we hear some of those out of context Drew drops? Play me my favorite ones, Anderson's play, please. You have some queued up?

51:36 Caller Ever since I stopped taking Depo-Provera, I have been lactating. Is it okay to be in love to a guy twice my age? My lover likes me a lot, but sometimes I'm scared because he is very active. He gives me oral sex, I just give him the hand.

51:53 Adam Give me a few good ones, come on.

51:54 Caller Of course, we still do.

51:57 Adam We said we loved each other.

51:58 Caller Of course, I do. I do so much.

52:03 Drew That's a new one.

52:04 Caller Jizz Guzzley. I tried to be straight, or I thought I should be straight and I was confused. Dude, that Drew is a messed up guy. Deal with the fact that I am gay.

52:16 Adam Keep him coming, Anderson.

52:17 Caller She drinks until she barely has her senses about her, and then she can relax enough to have sex with me. My pain, my breast hurt. There's a wives tale out there that black males have larger penises.

52:30 Adam It never gets old. It never gets old. Did Snoop hear that one? I should put this on a loop and just listen to it in my car when I drive to the studio. All right, Anderson, come on, give me just a couple more. That's my main mayonnaise. Oh, by the way, yeah, that's Snoop Dogg. My rap name, I named myself last night. Snoop was on the show. I named myself Mayonnaise. Okay, because I'm a man and I'm white. You know what I mean? And I spell it with a Z at the end, you know, because the rappers love to get rid of that S and put a Z in there. Let me hear it again. Hey Anderson, let me hear the mayonnaise. He's got to wait for it. It's hard to read Anderson's facial expression. That's my Maymay mayonnaise. Okay. Thank you Anderson.

53:23 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Maybe he'll put that in his next album.

53:24 Adam All right, give me a couple more Drew drops and then we're going away here.

53:28 Caller I'm just keeping it real. Can I say that?

54:28 Caller Dr. Drew is right.

54:29 Caller Grandes exitos en espanol.

54:31 Adam All right. That is the lovable Dr. Drew who will be in here next week, God willing. And until then, we'll hop back to the phone and speak to Blake. Blake is 15. She's a 36E. So she's pretty large around the top. She's five foot and goes about 140, right?

54:51 Caller Yeah.

54:51 Adam And you have some back pain?

54:53 Caller Yeah.

54:54 Adam And you want to look into a little breast reduction?

54:57 Caller Yeah. I want to know if it's true that after you get a reduction, do they go back?

55:03 Adam They can keep, they can keep, I heard that they go back. They can keep growing if you get the reduction too young because they're not done growing. So if you got the reduction in the relative near future and they were not done growing yet, they would keep growing.

55:19 Caller When do they stop growing? Because like just last month, I was a triple D and a month before, like in November, I was a D.

55:25 Adam Right. So by what? December, you're going to be, one boob will be pushing through the chimney and the other one will like push out the porch door or something.

55:38 Drew Now, what about when you lose weight? Where does the weight go first, go away first?

55:44 Caller Definitely not the boobs.

55:46 Adam No, not the boobs. But it was still, hey, Blake?

55:49 Caller Yeah.

55:49 Adam All right. Here's my advice. You're a little bit overweight, right?

55:55 Caller A little.

55:56 Adam All right. All right. Well, I bet if you got yourself down 15 or 20 pounds, some of that weight would come off the boobs.

56:05 Caller Yeah, but not like-

56:07 Adam And Blake, let me just say something. If you drop 20 and none comes off the boobs, I want you to call back. I'm going to give you the hotline because-

56:15 Drew Well, the other thing is if you ever-

56:16 Adam Yeah, I couldn't- Here's what I'm saying. You don't want to go under the surgeon's knife, especially 15.

56:22 Caller Oh, no, no, no. I'm not saying like now, but I want to wait till they stop that way.

56:26 Adam All right. But in the meantime, you do everything you can do to make things comfortable for the time being, okay?

56:34 Caller I just wear big clothes.

56:35 Adam Okay, you wear big clothes, but lose 20 pounds and- Okay. All right. Sorry.

56:41 Caller But they're still big. It's like-

56:43 Adam All right. They're always going to be big, but they could be manageable.

56:46 Caller Okay.

56:47 Adam All right.

56:48 Drew If you have a growth spurt and you get a lot taller by the time you're seven, by the time you're what?

56:53 Adam Hey, Bruce?

56:54 Drew Yeah.

56:54 Adam Remember our Mike conversation we had in the early 60s?

56:58 Drew If you get-

56:59 Adam There you go.

56:59 Drew If you have a growth spurt and you get taller in the next couple of years, you won't need that surgery. Surgeons are going to be, as Adam said, reticent to go ahead and do it. So- Right.

57:10 Adam There you go.

57:11 Drew Okay.

57:13 Adam Bruce, trying to have a conversation, he was playing a handball against the drapes.

57:17 Drew Maybe I should try to hold the mic.

57:19 Adam Never know. Nothing comes back. You can't get any rhythm going. Jason, you're drinking way too much coffee, brother. You got to mellow out. He was high as a kite last night. So were you. Snoop and his posse were in here smoking. They were all going into the pen the next morning. I mean, they were just toking and rolling joints. I couldn't see my hand in front of my face in this place. It was just packed. It was like being in a life-size bong. Like, I mean, being in a giant bong. Like, I mean, some sort of huge novelty bong that we were living in was Snoop. And I'm telling you, I got a buzz going. But Bruce was coming undone. He bought himself a bunch of cookies from the vending machine. He had the munchies going. He was losing his train of thought. But it worked well on you, Bruce, and mellowed you out a little bit. Jason? Jason? Caller goes by the name, oh, wait a minute. Speaking of being high, Jason.

58:18 How are you guys doing?

58:19 Adam What's up?

58:20 Hey, first of all, before I ask my question, like say, what's up, the MXPX?

58:23 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Hey. Hey, what's up, Jason?

58:24 You guys are awesome, man. I have your CDs and everything, man.

58:27 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce What else do you have?

58:30 I'm studying for my finals and listening to you guys at the same time. I have a question for the doctor, or I guess it's for Adam as well. I mean, I don't know. As a teenager, my hormones are raising and everything, but my parents, they won't let me be, I guess, a guy. I mean, every girl magazine or whatever, if I have a picture of a girl in a bikini, they'll tear it down or they won't let me talk to girls or anything like that. I guess it's against their religion or something. I don't know.

58:57 Adam Is it against their religion?

58:59 They're Catholics. They're pretty strict Catholics.

59:02 Drew What's your belief system?

59:04 I believe we're like, I question the Catholic religion a little bit, you know? I always believe that we're like children from like aliens from a different planet. Put us on this planet. Okay.

59:15 Drew Well, hey, listen, it's healthy to question.

59:17 Adam Holy Christ. It's slightly more feasible than Catholicism. I'm with you on that, Jason, but it's still a far-fetched notion.

59:26 Drew Yeah. Yeah, but it's tough when your parents don't. I mean, pulling things off the wall, you should start really having your space, privacy if you choose to have, you know, if you-

59:35 They'll come into my room and they'll like go through my stuff and like, they'll ask like whose number this is or like-

59:41 Drew Right. What have you done?

59:42 Any-

59:42 Adam Listen, hold on. I got to be honest with you. My kid thought some alien hatched him. I'd be looking through his junk too. Jason, you don't really believe that, do you?

59:52 I don't know. That's the only reasonable thought. I thought I could really think of it. I don't know.

59:58 Adam Okay. Do you smoke weed?

1:00:01 No. I never touched that stuff.

1:00:02 Adam Okay. Don't do it because you're really going to freak out with your alien parent theory.

1:00:07 Drew Did you do anything to lose their trust in the past?

1:00:09 No. I think it's just like- I don't know.

1:00:12 Drew You're the first kid they've raised or what?

1:00:14 What?

1:00:14 Drew Are you the oldest?

1:00:16 No. I have an older brother that went to college.

1:00:18 Drew Okay. Look, get them to go to the priest with you or something. I mean, anybody is going to be on your side to some extent and encourage them to give you more space, okay?

1:00:28 Adam But don't put the posters up in the room. You got to hide the porn.

1:00:32 No, it's not even porn.

1:00:33 Drew They're bikinis.

1:00:34 Even like a girl with a, like, I don't know, just like-

1:00:36 Adam All right. So they're uptight. But you're 17. You're almost out of the house, right?

1:00:40 Caller Yeah.

1:00:40 Adam You're going to go off to college somewhere?

1:00:42 Caller Yeah, probably.

1:00:43 Adam You're going to go to like Roswell, Roswell U?

1:00:47 Caller There you go.

1:00:48 Adam Hey.

1:00:49 Caller But how am I supposed to approach them and say like, hey, you know-

1:00:52 Adam Tell them you need, tell them, here's what you tell them. This will scare all religious parents. They're encroaching on you too much and you think you're going gay.

1:01:01 Caller Yeah, they're really homophobic.

1:01:03 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like, listen, you've torn down too many chicks in bikinis and I'm going gay.

1:01:10 Drew No, listen, there's an area of medicine called adolescent medicine and the doctors that specialize in seeing teenagers are great at being sort of an intermediary and helping.

1:01:21 Adam Give yourself a little space from the mic there, brother.

1:01:24 Caller Okay.

1:01:25 Drew How's that, better?

1:01:25 Adam Keep it consistent.

1:01:26 Drew Okay, great. And if you have access to somebody that likes to see, if you have access to somebody that likes to see teenagers, whether it's a pediatrician or an internist family practitioner, these individuals will know exactly where you're at with this, and they'll sit down with you, with the parents.

1:01:41 Adam Totally unrealistic. Totally unrealistic. The guy's, you know, almost out of high school. He's got to get a decent score in his SATs. Another six months, he's out of there.

1:01:50 Drew I've had this happen.

1:01:51 Adam Hide the porn, lay low. That's what I say.

1:01:54 Drew I had a minister bring his kid to me because he had pictures of Jim Morrison and he thought the kid was worshipping Satan because of that. Parents sometimes need a little bit of, what's the look for?

1:02:05 Adam Really?

1:02:06 Drew Yeah. No, it was a consultation.

1:02:08 Adam I can't believe someone would bring their kid to you.

1:02:10 Caller Parents often react to...

1:02:12 Adam Yeah, all right. I'm saying, though, if your parents are freaking out, just keep this stuff down. I understand they're being oppressive and everything, but just suck it up, get out of there, and go to college. That's what I mean. Okay. Let's speak to Justin.

1:02:26 Caller Hello?

1:02:27 Adam Justin, you're 16. Yeah.

1:02:29 Caller I just wanted to talk to the band.

1:02:31 Adam All right.

1:02:32 Caller Hey.

1:02:33 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Hi, Justin.

1:02:34 Caller Hi. I was wondering if you're having any tour coming up soon?

1:02:39 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Where are you from?

1:02:40 Caller California.

1:02:41 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce California? Yeah. That's a pretty big state.

1:02:44 Caller Yeah. I'm near Fresno.

1:02:46 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Okay. March. March would probably be the soonest date, and we are planning a tour in March, so we'll probably be in California for sure.

1:02:55 Drew Do you guys do small clubs or stadiums?

1:02:58 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce This will be small. Yeah, it'll be small clubs.

1:03:00 Caller That's cool.

1:03:01 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce So you'll definitely find out on our website, and we'll probably have a mailer, so nothing's for sure yet, but we're definitely planning it.

1:03:09 Adam What is your website? We'll give the address. www.mxpx.com You know, somebody bought my name, you know, one of those guys. Oh, man.

1:03:20 Caller They offered to sell it to you for $10,000.

1:03:21 Adam Or whatever, but the joke is on them because I don't know what a computer is, I don't know how to work it, I don't want a website, I've never been on the Internet. There's Loveline websites, there's Man Show websites, there's Bootleg websites, there's all sorts of nonsense out there. I've never looked at one of them. You're kidding. Not interested. No. Zero interest. I mean, there's been Loveline and unofficial and official Loveline websites that people have started hundreds of them up, they're all over the place all the time, never seen one of them ever.

1:03:56 Drew The Boonville thing.

1:03:57 Adam Never seen that, never done nothing. I don't know how to work it, I'm not interested in it, and it's one more distraction. So whoever it is that bought my name, you kiss my hairy ass. I hope, first off, I hope just an anvil falls on you when you're walking down the street. I hope you have a comical death. But number two, enjoy it, brother. Enjoy it. Rub it on yourself, look at it when you're masturbating, and get some use out of it because I will never ever come to you for it, ever. And that 70 bucks you spent to register it, gone. Gone like the last fart that came out of my hairy ass. Gone in the wind, you idiot. Enjoy. Enjoy it because I'll never come to you for it, ever.

1:04:43 Drew You can find out who it is.

1:04:45 Adam I don't care. If I find out who it is, I'm just going to see him and laugh like a hyena. I didn't even know I have no intention of doing it, and I will never do it.

1:04:54 Drew Let's pray Drew did it.

1:04:56 Adam I'll kill him. Finbar?

1:04:59 Caller Yes.

1:05:00 Adam You're 14?

1:05:02 Caller Yeah.

1:05:02 Adam What kind of name is Finbar?

1:05:04 Caller It's an Irish name.

1:05:05 Adam All right. What's up there?

1:05:08 Drew It's boring.

1:05:09 Caller I have two questions, one for you, Adam, and the other one for the doctor.

1:05:16 Caller All right.

1:05:19 Caller Can I get the one for the doctor off first?

1:05:21 Caller Go for it.

1:05:21 Adam No, we have to do my question first. It's FCC thing. I can't do anything about that.

1:05:28 Caller I kind of have a cold, so if I sound weird, that's not my fault.

1:05:33 Adam All right, Finbar.

1:05:34 Drew You better hurry up or he's going to get pissed at you.

1:05:35 Adam Loosen up, buddy. Ask that question. Fire away.

1:05:39 Caller I'm a little concerned about the size of my penis.

1:05:44 Adam What's wrong with it?

1:05:47 Caller I want to know if it's like normal alone, like not normal alone.

1:05:51 Adam It's a little smaller than average, yes.

1:05:54 Caller It's four and a quarter inches long and an inch and a quarter in girth.

1:06:01 Adam An inch and a quarter round. That's at the head. That's at the head and then it drops down to three-eighths of an inch after the head.

1:06:13 Caller I don't know.

1:06:13 Adam It's like a shrunken head on a stick.

1:06:16 Drew Listen, you're fourteen years old.

1:06:17 Adam Fine, Finbar. He don't have the luck of the Irish, I'll tell you that. Not with that, Johnson.

1:06:23 Drew No, you have nothing to worry about.

1:06:25 Caller Okay.

1:06:26 Drew It's within the range of normal.

1:06:28 Adam It is.

1:06:28 Drew Was that my question or Adam's?

1:06:31 Caller That was Adam's.

1:06:31 Adam That's your rec though, right, Finbar?

1:06:33 Caller Right.

1:06:34 Adam Right.

1:06:35 Caller The second question is, I have like this-

1:06:38 Adam Hold on though, but Finbar?

1:06:40 Caller Yeah.

1:06:40 Adam I'm going to be honest with you. It's an all right penis. It's normal and everything. But start practicing the oral sex now. You're really going to rely on that with the ladies later on. That's what they want anyway. Don't worry about it. All right, go ahead.

1:06:54 Caller Okay. The second question is, I have like a really- around my scrotum area and everything, is like I sweat abnormally when I'm getting ready to go to sleep. And it like itches really bad. And just now I was like scratching and now it stings.

1:07:11 Drew Okay. So you have a heat rash type of thing. Do you use any kind of powder or?

1:07:17 Caller I used to use a powder, but then I stopped.

1:07:20 Caller Gold Bond.

1:07:21 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Trust soap and water.

1:07:22 Drew People like that Gold Bond, they say it gives them sort of a zing. It's like a-

1:07:26 Caller A zing.

1:07:26 Caller It's a touring secret.

1:07:28 Adam Really?

1:07:29 Caller Oh yeah.

1:07:29 Caller Go for the green bottle.

1:07:30 Adam Do you just dump it down there?

1:07:34 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce I've never done it. We've heard though from plenty of sources.

1:07:36 Adam Let me tell you, I dump a generous amount of talc down my underpants before I leave the house because it gets a little funky down there. I mean, I'll tell you, that area in me, it's like a greenhouse down there. I mean, I was caught like a gecko lizard. There's a whole food chain going on down there. It's a rainforest and it just gets steamy down there. And if you dump that talc or gold bond or whatever down the shorts before you leave the house, it keeps things fresh later on. Of course, then, you know, halfway in the day, you drop your pants and go number two and this cloud comes out of your pants. I mean, it's blinding.

1:08:14 Drew Did you notice if you take the three letters at the end and put them at the beginning, you have barfing? All right. I was just trying to change the subject.

1:08:20 Adam Thank you. Travis.

1:08:23 Yes.

1:08:24 Adam You're 18.

1:08:25 Caller All right. I'm 18 years old and I have little to no pubic hair at all and I have like barely any hair under my arms and I have to shave like once every two weeks.

1:08:41 Adam Yeah.

1:08:42 Caller And I'm just wondering if that's normal.

1:08:44 Caller It's a blessing in disguise.

1:08:47 Adam It is. Women don't like hair anyway.

1:08:50 Caller Yeah.

1:08:50 Drew But your voice is normal.

1:08:53 Caller Yeah. I mean, I have a deep voice. I mean, like I don't know the difference because I've never known what it's like with hair. But my friends always give me a hard time. Like, you know, we play basketball shirts versus skins.

1:09:07 Adam Hey, Travis, has everything else developed on you?

1:09:11 Caller As far as I know, I mean, I don't go around looking at other guys and making sure I'm well endowed or whatever.

1:09:16 Caller Yeah.

1:09:17 Adam You're no fag, right?

1:09:18 Caller No, I'm not.

1:09:19 Adam I know. Because as soon as you see another penis, you go gay. Yeah. It's like looking at the Medusa. You know, it just turned into a stone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't fag off yourself, do you, when you're at home?

1:09:32 Caller No, no.

1:09:32 Adam Not in any of that nonsense. No way. Yeah.

1:09:36 Caller Can I ask the band a question?

1:09:38 Caller Go for it.

1:09:38 Caller Hey, are you guys ever going to come to Tucson?

1:09:41 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Tucson, Arizona.

1:09:42 Caller Arizona? Yeah, definitely.

1:09:44 Caller Been there before. I'll probably be back.

1:09:46 Caller I caught you at the Nile in Mesa.

1:09:49 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Oh, great.

1:09:50 Caller Have a great show.

1:09:51 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Thanks. Thanks. We had a good time.

1:09:53 Caller When can we expect that ever-passing moment?

1:09:56 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce This spring. April-ish. Yeah, we don't have an exact date yet.

1:10:02 Adam It will be soon.

1:10:03 Caller All right.

1:10:04 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce And we'll be touring right around there.

1:10:05 Caller Well, cool.

1:10:06 Adam All right, Travis. You're fine. Chicks don't like hair. And the less pubic hair, the bigger your penis looks. Think about it. It's all relative. I mean, here's the way I look at it. You got a mailbox planted out in your front yard. If the lawn is three feet high, the mailbox, the four by four the mailbox is on, looks like it's about a foot long. But if you get a weed whacker, you trim all that lawn very nice, bring it low, all of a sudden, it looks like it's up on a stilt. You understand?

1:10:35 Drew So you have your weed whacker in your forest with the geckos in it?

1:10:39 Adam Less pubic hair you have there, the more penis you got. That's why I'm now waxing at this point. And I'm looking at having a few layers of skin removed. I hear they can do it safely. What I'd like to do is, I'm taking a whole new approach to penis sizing here, Bruce. Instead of actually lengthening the penis, I'm going to shorten the area around it. Because I'm going to dig a hole around my penis.

1:11:03 Drew Well, you know, after this-

1:11:04 Adam I'm going to excavate the area around the penis and scrotum. So if I figure, listen, if I can pull an inch and a half, two inches out of this area, well, that's more penis, right? That's right. Yeah. The guys don't think that way. They got it wrong. That's why I'm a genius.

1:11:21 Drew Well, I've rethought that. Remember, you asked me if I'd bring that laser to take off some of your hair. I've rethought it. Yeah. I'd be glad to bring it.

1:11:27 Adam You mean on my neck?

1:11:28 Drew Around anywhere you want. I'm pretty good at it now.

1:11:32 Adam All right. Bring your laser down and we'll see if we can get rid of-

1:11:34 Drew We can reshape your penis too.

1:11:37 Adam Thank you. Yeah. Because I don't know what shape it is, but I want one that satisfies a woman and apparently I got the wrong one. All right. We'll work on. I kind of like the Ace of Spades. You know, that's kind of- Yeah, like spades.

1:11:50 Drew I've got a book with some pictures. You can choose styles.

1:11:55 Adam MXPX is our guest tonight. Dr. Bruce is coming on down over there. When we come back, we'll speak to Steve's girlfriend. He's never had an orgasm. He wants to know if there's something wrong with her. We'll tell him after this. We'll be right back. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Bruce. You're in time, we're all here from MXPX. Michael will be in here soon enough. They have a home video coming out. Is it out or is it coming out?

1:12:56 Caller It's coming out.

1:12:57 Adam And it'll be out on February 15th. There you go. It'll be available online at mxpx.com, and it'll hit the streets on the 29th. And it's the history of the band?

1:13:12 Caller Pretty much. It's called It Came From Bremerton, the history of the band, live performance, stuff like that.

1:13:17 Adam How long is it?

1:13:18 Caller 45 minutes, I think. Yeah.

1:13:20 Adam And it's all the young minds can take these days, by the way.

1:13:24 Caller Yeah, the attention spans.

1:13:25 Adam I mean, imagine, I just remember, like, going to matinees and stuff and sitting at the theater, like, three movies, three, four movies, you know, going to the movie theater at 11 in the morning, coming out at 830 at night.

1:13:36 Caller Yeah.

1:13:37 Adam I don't think kids could do that. I know I couldn't, but I don't think kids could.

1:13:42 Caller Two is pushing it.

1:13:43 Adam Yeah. I mean, it just two in a day.

1:13:45 Caller You walk outside, you're like, yeah, what day is it?

1:13:48 Adam The sunlight, the sun, I'm melting. All right. We are going to hear something from MXPX. And I believe this one is off of Slowly, Slowly, I should say, Going the Way of the Buffalo. And Anderson, you're looking good over there. Yes, you is. This one is called Cold and All Alone. It is Loveline, that's MXPX.

1:16:05 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Is that the real clapping on there, or is that fake?

1:16:06 Adam That's fake. That's fake.

1:16:08 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce I didn't remember that many people.

1:16:09 Adam Cole Null Lone is the name of that one. I said it was off of Slowly Going the Way of the Buffalo, and it is, but just not that version. That, of course, is the live version off of the MXPX at the show live CD. All right, let's see about taking some more calls. Steve?

1:16:27 Caller Yeah.

1:16:27 Adam You're 19?

1:16:28 Caller Yes, sir.

1:16:29 Adam What's going on?

1:16:31 Caller Well, my girlfriend, she's also 19, has never had an orgasm in her life. I mean, I'm the only one that she's ever had sex with, but oral sex and the stuff she's had before, and I'm the closest she's ever came to it, and it wasn't even that close. So I don't know what to do. The oral sex thing seems to do absolutely nothing, and it's just hard to get the girl aroused. She likes to have sex, and everything is just...

1:17:01 Adam Why does she like to have sex?

1:17:04 Caller Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know.

1:17:05 Adam Let me tell you, you remove the orgasm from the equation for me, and I'll just turn my penis in. I don't need it anymore. I'll just pee out of a hole. I don't need it. It's just extra weight. I don't need it for me.

1:17:18 Caller She says it's okay, and she's kind of bummed about the whole thing. She doesn't ever think it's going to happen.

1:17:23 Drew But she still enjoys sex with you?

1:17:25 Caller Yeah.

1:17:26 Adam She probably just enjoys the intimacy of you sweating on her.

1:17:29 Caller Yeah, something like that.

1:17:31 Adam All right. Now, are you going about everything the right way, Steve? Yeah.

1:17:34 Caller I mean, I'm not one to... I think four plays the best part of sex.

1:17:38 Adam All right. So you're doing plenty oral sex.

1:17:40 Caller Well, I'm trying anything and everything.

1:17:42 Drew She didn't have one of those surgeries where the clitoris is removed?

1:17:46 Caller Not that I was aware of.

1:17:47 Drew Okay.

1:17:47 Caller Not that she's told me.

1:17:49 Drew Structurally, it's extremely unlikely that she does not have the mechanism to have an orgasm. And whether it's an intimacy thing or comfort level or technique, more questions have to be asked. How long have you been going out? What's her...

1:18:06 Adam That's a lot of 19-year-old women are incapable of having an orgasm.

1:18:12 Drew Or they haven't. They will.

1:18:15 Adam Yeah. What about when she's alone? Is she able to coax one out of herself?

1:18:20 Caller She has said that she has never done that. I was real good friends with this girl. I met this girl before we were together. And she said she swears up and down that she has never even tried it.

1:18:31 Adam Yeah.

1:18:31 Caller Well... I told her, I was like, you know, maybe that might...

1:18:34 Adam Yeah.

1:18:35 Caller She......fast forward the process.

1:18:37 Adam Well, you think there's anything up with her? I mean, was she ever raped or abused or anything?

1:18:41 Caller No, she wasn't. No.

1:18:41 Adam Everything's good with her?

1:18:42 Caller Yeah.

1:18:43 Adam She's a little uptight.

1:18:45 Caller Yeah. I don't know what it is.

1:18:46 Adam Well, listen, tell her to work it out when she's alone. See what she likes and do it in the comfort and intimacy of her own bedroom.

1:18:54 Caller She thinks it's disgusting.

1:18:55 Drew Well, remember, this orgasm thing's much more important to you than her, even though she's the one not having it.

1:19:01 Caller Well, it's real important to her.

1:19:04 Adam Well, listen, hold on. If it's really important to her, why isn't she experimenting on her own time? Why isn't she exploring herself?

1:19:12 Drew You're calling us. She's not calling us.

1:19:15 Caller She told me to try something, and I've been trying everything I can think of with her.

1:19:18 Adam Why? But are her parents real religious or something?

1:19:23 Caller She lives with her mom, and no, her mom's not. I mean, she gets on great. Everything's fine.

1:19:29 Adam All right. And nothing messy happened to her growing up?

1:19:32 Caller No.

1:19:32 Drew All right. Does she have guilt over having sex before marriage? Does she have religious issues about them?

1:19:37 Caller Do I?

1:19:38 Drew Does she?

1:19:39 Caller Oh, no, she doesn't.

1:19:39 Adam All right, Steve.

1:19:40 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Why would that make any difference with an orgasm?

1:19:43 Adam Well, sometimes women get freaked out. Steve, get a vibrator. I'm serious. That's it. It's time to call out the big guns. You've tried everything else. Now you got to get the vibrator. I'm telling you, that might do it. That may just do it. Women enjoy that. She can't have an orgasm. I'm a little suspicious about the part where she doesn't, she won't do it herself. She thinks it's disgusting, yet she wants to have an orgasm.

1:20:11 Caller You think the frustration level at that point would be, okay, I'll do anything.

1:20:15 Caller She sounds a little uptight.

1:20:17 Drew But the disgusting about her own.

1:20:19 Adam Yeah, listen, for women, it's much more an emotional thing than it is a mechanical thing. And if they're not in the right place, or they feel dirty, or they feel like God's looking at them, or some nonsense like that, they're going to have trouble. God knows. Kim?

1:20:36 Caller Yes.

1:20:37 Adam You're 23.

1:20:38 Caller Yes.

1:20:38 Adam What's up?

1:20:39 Caller I had a sexual relationship with a guy, and since this ended, he has made it very clear that he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. And I want to know how I can maybe pursue a friendship.

1:20:51 Adam Why?

1:20:52 Caller Because I care a lot about him.

1:20:54 Adam Why?

1:20:55 Caller Because he's a good guy.

1:20:56 Adam How come?

1:20:57 Caller He has a lot of things about him that I think are of great quality.

1:21:02 Adam All right. Well, listen. He's a great guy. There's a lot of things about him that you like and admire. You're having sex with him. What's up? Why don't you just be his girlfriend?

1:21:12 Caller He never really seemed to want a commitment.

1:21:15 Caller Asshole.

1:21:17 Caller I was pretty much satisfied with just the status quo of our relationship.

1:21:21 Adam The sex part? No, you weren't or you wouldn't have stopped.

1:21:25 Caller Well.

1:21:26 Adam I mean, come on. He's the world's greatest guy. You're having sex. You're satisfied with the sex. Why'd you stop?

1:21:32 Caller He has his own problems. All the same, I was satisfied at the time with what we had.

1:21:37 Adam All right. What kind of problems?

1:21:39 Caller Just normal stuff. He drinks a lot. He doesn't like to talk about his problems with anybody.

1:21:43 Adam All right. Why are you working so hard to keep a relationship going with this alcoholic guy who won't open up?

1:21:50 Caller Because I care a lot about him.

1:21:52 Adam Uh-huh. What about your dad? Did he do a little boozing?

1:21:55 Caller No, not at all.

1:21:56 Adam Huh?

1:21:56 Caller My parents drank.

1:21:57 Adam Duh. Don't lie to me, sister.

1:22:00 Caller I'm not lying at all.

1:22:01 Adam Well, come over there. I'll bend you right over Bruce's knee.

1:22:04 Caller I swear none of my parents drank.

1:22:07 Adam Why are you trying to fix him so much?

1:22:09 Caller Because as I said, he's one of those guys that you don't meet every day.

1:22:15 Caller He has some great qualities.

1:22:16 Caller He can make me laugh. He's incredibly charming when he wants to be. And he's incredibly intelligent.

1:22:22 Drew Okay. But you're lacking insight here. You're not what Adam is seeing. What the rest of us are feeling, I think, is that you're not seeing a very obvious point, which is if your self-esteem is good, if you're healthy, you're not going to want to pursue. You wouldn't have pursued him in the first place or you would have moved away from that relationship.

1:22:43 Adam She's into him and she wants, here's the deal, she wants to keep the relationship going because I think she's into him.

1:22:50 Drew But she never had a relationship with him.

1:22:52 Adam Right. But she wants to stay near him because I think she's in love with him. She doesn't want to admit it to herself. Right. Listen, all this everyone's special nonsense, ridiculous. Only I'm special. Everyone else is expendable, right, Bruce? I mean, no, you do that. You do that with the, I mean, and the band, of course. When, you know, you get into that when you're younger, it's like you get this girlfriend and then you break up, but it's okay. We're soulmates. We'll always know each other, always be part of your life. I never see any of my old girlfriends anymore. I don't know if they're alive or dead. I don't know if some other guy on top of them right now. I could only, I only just imagine the worst. And you know what? They nuts about seeing me either. And it's just, I mean, somebody, oh, they have all these great qualities. And you picture, you torture yourself and you think, what would it be like never to see this person again? It's like, oh my God, it's unthinkable. But don't worry, there'll be hundreds of those people.

1:23:49 Drew What do you think this guy's like? This is one of those guys that he just wanted the sex. He really never cared about her. And there's probably five nice guys that wanted to go out with her that she shined for this guy.

1:23:58 Adam But they aren't projects. She needs a project.

1:24:02 Drew And this is like what we talk about with co-dependency and the wife of an alcoholic.

1:24:06 Adam Keep that mic there, baby.

1:24:08 Drew There's abuse, essentially an abusive situation here, or a pre-abusive situation.

1:24:13 Adam A lot of women like projects and relationships. And men, we don't want any of that. We like a car project. We like a house project. We're sensible. We like to fix up stuff that we can sit in or drive. But we don't want a project with a woman. Women, depending on what their past is, can become really attracted to a guy who's a project. This guy's an alcoholic.

1:24:34 Drew The scary thing is she has no insight. And she's going to do this again. She needs to go to accounts, a therapist, and work on it.

1:24:39 Adam It'll work itself out. Amy? Yeah. That's my new line on the show, by the way. It'll work itself out. Give it 10 years. Amy, you're 18.

1:24:48 Caller What's up?

1:24:49 Hi.

1:24:50 Adam Hey, whatever it is, it'll work itself out, sister.

1:24:53 Drew Yeah. Fill up kids.

1:24:55 Adam You have a tough time approaching guys?

1:24:57 Yeah.

1:24:57 Adam It's going to work itself out.

1:25:01 Well, I can talk to guys. And I have guy friends and stuff, but I can never get past the first step of getting to know a guy on a romantic level. And I've never really had a boyfriend.

1:25:21 Adam Don't guys come up to you and talk to you?

1:25:25 I've had guys that have liked me, but then I don't like them back. And then I've liked guys and they don't like me back. And then I've been friends with guys. And then like when I like them, we're in that friend zone and yeah. And so I've never really, I can never really get over it.

1:25:43 Adam This is normal 18 year old stuff except for you've never been out on, have you ever been out on a date?

1:25:51 Um, no.

1:25:53 Adam Okay, you want to think a little bit more about that?

1:25:56 No, I've like, you know, been like.

1:26:00 Adam Outside?

1:26:01 Caller Not yet.

1:26:01 Adam Okay. Hey, Amy.

1:26:04 Caller It'll work itself out.

1:26:05 Adam It'll work itself out. No, this really will just work itself out.

1:26:08 Drew I agree.

1:26:09 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce I have enough trouble with the ladies, so I mean, it goes both ways.

1:26:12 Adam You're 18, this is age appropriate stuff. And here's the problem. Between the ages, you know, around puberty, but somewhere between the age of like 14 and 18, some people really blossom. I mean, some people look good, they're dating like maniacs, they're very confident, they're socially, they have a lot of social graces. And then some people are like dorky and awkward and have difficulty with the opposite sex. And there's huge, there's a huge disparity between the two of them sometimes. And it sucks, especially if you're hanging around with a bunch of people that are getting laid and going out on dates and being popular and being able to know what to say and what to do in front of the opposite sex. But somehow and somewhere it starts to even out at a certain point and hopefully you're getting at the end of this. You go off to college, you have a few bong loads, you have sex with some drunken frat guy and everything starts to make sense. That's what I'm saying.

1:27:10 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce For me, there's a lot of girls in high school that you never thought were good looking. Right. And then if you see them three years later after high school, it's like, whoa.

1:27:18 Adam Every goddamn supermodel comes on this show tells the same story. And by the way, I think they're lying. But it's the same story, which is, oh boy, I bet you did some damage in high school. You'll heartbreak. Oh no, I didn't even go to the prom. Why? You're in Europe modeling? No, nobody asked me. I was tall, I was gangly, I was awkward, I hadn't grown into my frame yet. No boys would go talk to me. This is the story for every supermodel out there. I'm guessing Amy isn't going to be a supermodel, but people come into their own at different times and she's just a late bloomer. Thank God she's not pregnant, doesn't have herpes, and hasn't been through 40 guys, like half our callers have. We're getting close to taking a break here. Nadia?

1:28:10 Caller Yeah.

1:28:11 Adam You're 18?

1:28:11 Caller Yeah.

1:28:12 Adam You had the hiccups for six months?

1:28:13 Caller Yeah.

1:28:14 Adam You should have killed yourself. I would have killed myself on week three.

1:28:18 Caller Excuse me?

1:28:19 Adam I would have killed myself at week three.

1:28:21 Caller Well, see, the first week I just thought, okay, you know, it's kind of funny. I've had hiccups for a week and then it turned to a month and now it's been six.

1:28:27 Drew They're still going on?

1:28:29 Caller I don't have them like continuously, it's just every day. I went to one of my thyroid specialists and he told me to go to a GI. So I haven't gone yet, but.

1:28:39 Adam All right. Hold on there, Nadia. We got to take a break.

1:28:41 Caller Okay.

1:28:42 Adam All right. Can you hiccup at least once for us so I can see the call is legitimate?

1:28:47 Caller Well, I mean, I can't force them, they just come.

1:28:50 Adam I understand.

1:28:51 Drew Can you keep a tape recorder, make a recording and send it to Adam?

1:28:54 Caller Okay.

1:28:54 Drew You'll drive him crazy.

1:28:55 Adam That's perfect. Put on a CD so I can put it in the car. All right, Nadia, hang on a second.

1:29:00 Caller All right.

1:29:01 Adam We'll tell you what to do about this. MXPX is our guest tonight. We'll be back with the hiccups after this.

1:29:06 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:29:08 Adam Okay.

1:29:09 Caller Let's do it.

1:29:10 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:29:14 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:29:46 Adam Yeah, it is the Loveline. I'm Adam, Yuri, Mike, and Tom are all here from MXPX. Dr. Bruce is here from Loma Linda. He is filming for Drew for just about another 12 minutes or so, and then it'll be Hello, Dr. Drew, come Sunday night. Let's hop back on the phones and see how many of these we can blow through before the night is through. Nadia? Yeah. So you're 18, you've had the hiccups for six months. All right. What causes the hiccups, Bruce?

1:30:17 Drew Various things. There are metabolic disorders such as people that have kidney failure as some of the poisons build up in the system that can cause hiccups, structural problems. The differential diagnosis, the number of things that can cause it, there are many things.

1:30:36 Adam What did your doctor say?

1:30:37 Drew Emotional.

1:30:39 Caller Well, I just heard spasms of your diaphragm, and he said it could be my diet, just the way I've been breathing, but I mean, if it were my diet, I don't think it would be lasting six months.

1:30:49 Drew Did you have blood work, chest x-ray?

1:30:52 Caller Well, I got into an accident about a month ago, and I had x-rays done, and since then, because when I hit the other car, I couldn't breathe for like 15 seconds, so lately, my hiccups have been hurting me a little bit more, so that's why I'm more concerned about it.

1:31:07 Adam Alright, but he wants you to get a GI.?

1:31:09 Caller Yeah, they told me to go to a GI., so.

1:31:12 Adam Alright, well go to the GI.

1:31:13 Caller Okay, I also wanted to say something to the band. I don't know, like I don't listen to you guys, but all I know about, you know, is that you're on tooth and nail, but I just think that's awesome, like what you guys are doing with your ministry, so.

1:31:27 Adam What are you doing with your ministry? What do you mean? Hold on. Nadia?

1:31:33 Caller Yeah.

1:31:34 Adam What are you talking about?

1:31:35 Caller Just because they're on tooth and nail, like I don't know, like, where they are at their ministry, you know, like with their band, but just that that's awesome.

1:31:41 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Oh, great. Thanks.

1:31:42 Caller Yep.

1:31:43 Adam All right, Nadia.

1:31:44 Caller Thanks.

1:31:44 Adam Good luck with those hiccups.

1:31:45 Caller Thank you.

1:31:46 Adam And by the way, it's bad radio when you call and you say you've been having hiccups for six months, but you don't hiccup.

1:31:50 Caller I know. I'm sorry.

1:31:51 Adam All right. If you got a hiccup, call back. All right?

1:31:54 Caller All right.

1:31:54 Caller We'll do.

1:31:55 Adam All right. Adriana?

1:31:58 Caller Yes.

1:31:59 Adam You're 20?

1:32:00 Caller Yes.

1:32:00 Adam You're, let's see, you have boyfriends, page your access code, and here's another girl's message.

1:32:06 Caller Yes. He doesn't know I have his access code.

1:32:09 Adam Who was the other girl?

1:32:11 Caller This girl. Well, actually, I just found out her name, like, two weeks ago. She said it was some girl, Caroline.

1:32:18 Adam And what was her page?

1:32:20 Caller At the beginning, she will be asking him to call her, to call him, like, please call me, like, you don't want to talk to me, what's wrong with you, and you'll talk to you and this and that. That was like, there were the first three pages. That's what she said.

1:32:33 Adam Right.

1:32:34 Caller Like, in the fourth page, like, I heard something different. She's like, hi, sweetheart, this is me. I'm just calling to say that. I need to talk to you about Saturday. And please call my house.

1:32:49 Adam All right.

1:32:50 Caller I'll talk to you. Okay, sweetheart, I love you. Bye.

1:32:52 Adam I'm sure it's nothing. It's probably his sister. My sister calls me sweetheart.

1:32:58 Caller I know, but.

1:32:58 Adam When she wants to borrow money.

1:33:00 Drew Is this the only thing that indicates that there's a problem with this guy? I mean.

1:33:05 Caller Yeah.

1:33:06 Drew Nothing else. Nothing else. He's perfect otherwise.

1:33:09 Adam Listen, I just read something in USA Today that said 80% of guys who have pagers cheat. I think there's a much higher incidence of cheating with pagers. I really do. It's, guys, I don't trust guys with pagers.

1:33:22 Drew Why would he have a voicemail on there, too?

1:33:24 Adam Because he's cheating.

1:33:25 Drew He's not very smart.

1:33:26 Adam He's cheating.

1:33:26 Drew Oh, he's absolutely cheating.

1:33:27 Adam All right. So she wants to know what she should do.

1:33:29 Drew She should check in front of him.

1:33:30 Adam Break up with him. That's it. You heard a bunch of messages, a guy saying, a girl saying, sweetheart, what about Saturday night? I mean, that's it. Plus, the guy's stupid because he gave you the access number. So there's two reasons to dump him. Dave?

1:33:44 Caller Yeah.

1:33:45 Adam You're 17.

1:33:45 Caller Yeah.

1:33:46 Adam When you ejaculate, your testicles hurt.

1:33:48 Caller Yeah. And my semen's yellow.

1:33:51 Drew How often do you ejaculate? Every day?

1:33:55 Caller Yeah.

1:33:55 Caller It only happens when I have sexual intercourse.

1:33:57 Caller Yeah.

1:33:58 Caller But when I'm at a period, it doesn't.

1:34:01 Adam What is that? Some private reserve of sperm that he keeps for the ladies? How does that work? I think I use the same sperm almost every time.

1:34:10 Drew So you're not ejaculating inside the other individual, it sounds like?

1:34:15 Adam No. No. All right. So yellow means there's some kind of infection, right? I guess. I don't know.

1:34:20 Drew Well, it can, but you can even have-

1:34:22 Adam Bruce, you all right? Relax there, buddy.

1:34:24 Drew You can even have hematospormia. You can have blood in your semen, and it's not necessarily a sign of anything abnormal.

1:34:32 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce All right.

1:34:33 Drew At times, that can happen. Are you having burning when you urinate? Are you having pain?

1:34:38 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce No, nothing like that.

1:34:39 Adam All right. Well, maybe, here's my hypothesis. It comes out yellow when he's with a woman because he's really exerting himself, and he's pushing, and he's going the extra mile. When he's alone, he's kind of on cruise control, and maybe he's not irritating that part that causes the blood release, and maybe he's spending a little more time before he has the ejaculation with the woman rather than... Not one of our callers. Probably quicker with the woman. All right. So what should he do? Get himself checked out?

1:35:09 Drew Yeah, you should see the physician. He'll do a urinalysis and a rectal exam check. Prostate. Oh. But at how old? Seventeen. Unlikely that he has a prostate problem.

1:35:19 Adam Dave?

1:35:20 Caller Yeah.

1:35:20 Adam Oh. What's up? You're seventeen.

1:35:22 Caller Yeah.

1:35:24 Adam Hold on. Any way to get Bruce to come and pick it up. What did you get on the ball here? Haley?

1:35:29 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:35:29 Adam All right. You're seventeen.

1:35:30 Caller Yeah.

1:35:31 Adam All right. You want to know if you can get pregnant from pre-cum?

1:35:34 Caller Yeah.

1:35:35 Caller Because I already have a five month old son, and I got pregnant on the first time. But he did not come in me, but I got pregnant.

1:35:41 Caller And I haven't had my period for about two weeks now.

1:35:45 Caller Should I go see somebody if I'm pregnant, or can I get pregnant by pre-cum?

1:35:50 Adam Is this the same guy?

1:35:52 Caller No.

1:35:52 Caller The father left me when I was pregnant.

1:35:54 Adam All right. He's a wonderful individual. I want to say that first. I wish him all the best in the world. And didn't you learn from your first experience of getting pregnant without the guy having an orgasm?

1:36:06 Caller I didn't think it would happen again.

1:36:08 Adam Well, what are the chances if you never see people walking around with more than one kid? That's almost impossible. It's astronomical.

1:36:15 Drew I hope the gal from earlier in the show is listening that...

1:36:18 Adam Hey, Haley. Listen, I feel bad for you, but I swear to Christ. I know I do. I feel bad for me because I got to pay for these kids. But when I'm in charge, you're getting sterilized. I'm going to look at you as a troublemaker, you goofball. You got to start using protection. You already have one kid you can barely take care of. What are you doing? Here's your head. Where's your dad? You don't know him, do you?

1:36:39 Caller Oh, yeah. I live with my parents.

1:36:40 Adam You do?

1:36:41 Caller Yeah.

1:36:41 Caller My father is a teacher and my mother is a priest.

1:36:44 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake. Somebody's done something to you. What happened to you?

1:36:48 Caller Nothing.

1:36:49 Caller I was just going out with this guy for about a month.

1:36:51 Adam All right. But now you're having more unprotected sex?

1:36:54 Caller I know.

1:36:55 Adam Okay. Listen, if you're pregnant, you got to sell this one. You understand? You can't keep it. You give it up for adoption.

1:37:01 Drew How did they handle the first one? Anybody come unglued or were they real supportive?

1:37:05 Caller Um, my parents, they just cried.

1:37:08 Adam All right.

1:37:08 Drew You're going to cry some more?

1:37:09 Adam Well, tell them to get out to Kleenex.

1:37:11 Caller We were going to give the baby up for adoption, but then we decided to keep it.

1:37:14 Adam Okay. Well, give this one up for adoption, would you?

1:37:17 Caller Um, I don't know if I could do that.

1:37:19 Adam All right. Well, listen. Okay. Then keep it and screw it up.

1:37:21 Drew Go to family planning.

1:37:22 Adam Do something, would you? I mean, at your rate, you ought to just wait till you get a bunch of them, then you go out to the supermarket, you put them in a box, and nice people come by and they claim them as their own. All right, screwball, go get yourself checked out. You may be pregnant. Yeah, okay. All right. Yes, you can get pregnant from pre-cum. Boy, you know what I love about, you know the hallmark of stupidity is not learning from your mistakes. That is our lesson. Absolutely. I should have learned when you were in here Sunday, not to have you back on Monday, but no, I didn't trust my instincts. All right. We'll take a little break. We'll be back.

1:37:59 MXPX w/ Dr. Bruce Loveline will be right back.

1:38:33 Adam All right. Well, there you go. Another fabulous Loveline week, mercifully put in the ground. I want to thank MXPX for coming here tonight.

1:38:42 Drew I want to thank my fans for listening in this week.

1:38:44 Adam Bruce, Bruce, please. I want to thank Dr. Bruce. Bruce comes in here, he drives 200 miles at 150 miles an hour to get here. He's a disheveled mess, but I love the guy. What can I say? I know I pick on him. I'm a little tough on him, but it's a lot like the coach, whose son is on the Pee-Wee football team. He's extra tough on him because he has to, because he loves him.

1:39:06 Drew I knew you felt that way about me.

1:39:07 Adam All right. Good. I want to thank Bruce for filling in for Drew all week. Drew will be back next week and thanks again, Bruce. I want to thank Danielle for doing a great job on the phones and helping out all week and of course, Anderson for pushing all the buttons at the right time. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce. Sayin mahalo.

1:39:28 Caller I'll kiss it. Well, now.

Episode Feedback

Thursday, January 27, 2000