Episode 1000754887729

0:53 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Losing her discretion, advised. Now, here's Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191 with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla.

1:06 Voiceover What are you insane?

1:22 Drew Four years. The most or one of the most unique sounding bands out there. I mean, you always know a Violent Femmes song, and their songs are sort of, let's see, they're funny and they're catchy, and they have lots of good elements. But I never knew that much about the band. I mean, I never saw you guys play live. It seemed like the music was exposed more than the band, except for when I caught you on Sabrina. And I finally found out what everyone looked like. But I didn't know what everyone looked like in the band. I hadn't seen you guys on TV doing things. I mean, as big as the songs were, and as many records as were sold, I wasn't that familiar with the people in the band. Is that intentional or is that me?

2:14 That's why we've decided to start doing a lot of radio, so people get familiar with our looks.

2:20 Violent Femmes That's a good observation, though. It's a music-driven thing. The band name, I guess, Violent Femmes is pretty well known, but as individuals, we're not well known. As you said, we have no particular image, which is good because with no image, you can never go out of style.

2:43 Drew And that's my thought with my hair. It's just the same length since high school. It always looks bad. But yeah, I was always...

2:51 Adam In this case, these guys always look good.

2:53 Drew No, but Violent Femmes have a ton of hits, and everyone knows their songs, and everyone knows their sound, but I never knew, like, you know, it's like where you guys were from, or what you looked like, or what your attitude was. It was just sort of all about the music, which I guess is a good thing.

3:11 Violent Femmes Well, it can be a good thing. It's unusual in the music business now, in pop music.

3:16 Drew Yeah, because now it's like, you know, Ricky Martin has one hit, and he's, I mean, I know what the guy's anus looks like. I really do. I know every part of that Latin man's body.

3:25 Adam You've never been in his colon?

3:27 Drew Not that far just yet, but when he releases his next single, that's when I go to the colon. So anyway, the Violent Femmes have themselves a new CD out, which actually is not out yet. It's coming out, what the hell is the date? Next Wednesday or something?

3:43 Violent Femmes 23rd.

3:44 Drew Yeah, what's the date today? I'm trying to do some radio math there. Viva Wisconsin, it's a live, basically best of live CD, right?

3:56 Basically, yep, you got it. You're doing good.

3:58 Drew Yeah.

3:59 Violent Femmes Do you want to work for us as a publicist?

4:02 Drew I'd like to.

4:03 Violent Femmes You're impeccable right now.

4:04 Drew I love that publicist position. Anyone who listens to the show knows I love publicists.

4:08 Adam Meander around Wisconsin. I wonder if we follow their footsteps anyway.

4:12 Drew I don't know where we were in Wisconsin. Are you guys from Wisconsin?

4:15 Adam We were in Whitewater and Milwaukee.

4:18 Violent Femmes We're from Milwaukee and some of the album was recorded there.

4:22 Drew Is everybody still live in that area?

4:25 Violent Femmes No.

4:26 Drew Spread out.

4:27 Adam Remember Green Bay, Adam?

4:28 Drew Oh, yes. It's quite a bustling metropolis. I saw it. We passed a three-story building.

4:34 Adam Was it three?

4:36 Drew It was two with a basement. That's three in California. All right. Let's take some phone calls. We'll hear something off the new CD pretty soon. And what's up with my phone?

4:47 Adam She's still on the line there.

4:48 Drew Oh, boy.

4:49 Adam Take two. There you go.

4:50 Drew Rachel.

4:51 Hi.

4:52 Drew You're, whatever you are, 23? Drew, tilt the screen down. I can't read it from here.

4:57 23.

4:58 Drew All right. Drew, don't monkey. Just talk to the caller.

5:01 Adam I'm just fixing that.

5:02 Drew All right. But tilt it down. Thank you. Rachel?

5:05 Yeah?

5:06 Drew What's up?

5:07 All right. Here's my thing. I get extremely tired. Sometimes, well, most of the time, almost every day. To the point where, like, for an example, I'll be driving and sometimes I'll just want to pull off alongside the road and just sleep right then.

5:22 Adam How long has that been going on for?

5:24 About a year.

5:26 Adam And have you been sleeping okay at night?

5:27 Yeah. I mean, I'll sleep fine. I mean, it takes me about half an hour to get to sleep, but I'll sleep fine.

5:31 Adam How many hours a night are you sleeping?

5:34 Probably seven.

5:35 Adam Are you on a medication?

5:36 No.

5:36 Adam Do you have any medical problems?

5:37 Nope.

5:38 Adam Have you been checked out?

5:39 I haven't been to a doctor about this, but because of money situation.

5:43 Adam Have you been depressed?

5:44 No. I'm not depressed at all.

5:46 Adam Are you overweight?

5:48 No.

5:49 Adam Do you snore or have sinus problems, anything like that when you sleep?

5:51 I'm perfectly healthy.

5:52 Adam Do you jump around in your sleep at all? Do you know? It's like a kind of jerk around? It's called leg movement disorder. When you sleep, people that jump around a lot, they wake themselves up.

6:00 Not that I know of.

6:04 Adam That's strange.

6:04 Drew But you're not falling asleep at the wheel, right?

6:06 Well, no. But it's like I can barely steer. That's how bad it is.

6:10 Drew Well, you've got to stop listening to AM That's what's going on.

6:14 Sometimes when we're walking up the steps and I feel like I can't even continue. I mean, that's pretty bad.

6:20 Adam Look, if that is... You need a medical evaluation, Rachel, until that's done, there's no way to speculate about what's going on here.

6:26 There's nothing I can do, like take any...

6:29 Adam How do you know what's causing it until you're evaluated?

6:31 Drew Hold on, I'll fix her. Hey, Rachel?

6:33 Yes?

6:33 Drew Come on, pep up now.

6:35 Adam Snap out of it.

6:36 Drew Let's go now.

6:37 I have my spells. I get really hyper and stuff, too, but...

6:39 Drew Oh, okay.

6:40 Sometimes I'm just...

6:41 Drew Well, listen, it really... It seems like depression to me. Any time in my life where I've had no energy... Wait a minute, it's in my entire life. Okay, but I've been depressed.

6:50 Adam Really bad. Really bad.

6:51 Drew Really bad. It's been depression.

6:53 Adam Yeah.

6:53 Drew It's hard to get out of bed.

6:55 I'm not depressed, though. I'm like, this is the happiest point of my life I've ever been in.

6:58 Drew It's denial coupled with depression. That is the time I found it hardest to get out of bed.

7:03 But do I sound depressed? I'm not depressed.

7:04 Adam No, but you need an evaluation, right? Who knows? Any thyroid condition with a cardiac problem.

7:08 Drew Anyway, you can crank it up for the radio for five minutes.

7:10 Adam Chronic infections.

7:11 Drew Drew does it every night.

7:12 Are thyroid conditions like hereditary?

7:15 Adam Yeah.

7:15 Because my mom had the same problem.

7:17 Adam All right. So there you go. Well, same problem with fatigue?

7:19 Well, she had her, can you get those taken out? She had something on her injury on it.

7:24 Adam Yeah, but that usually is for hyperthyroidism, which should make you feel better.

7:28 Drew Go get yourself worked up.

7:29 All right.

7:30 Adam All right.

7:30 Okay. Thanks.

7:31 Drew All right.

7:32 Bye.

7:32 Adam Glad you picked that call first day. That was good.

7:35 Drew Well, Line 5 didn't work. Well, Jesus Christ, you said 2.

7:39 Adam Let's go.

7:41 I was just like, you do it. Okay.

7:44 Drew That was amusing.

7:45 You go, okay.

7:47 Violent Femmes Gordon has that same problem.

7:49 Adam Justin is 19.

7:49 Drew You have an energy problem?

7:50 Choosing between 2 or 5.

7:52 Adam It's a big decision. Adam has trouble making decisions. He's depressed.

7:56 Drew I'd usually go for 3.5 just to sort of, you know.

7:58 Violent Femmes He almost missed a gig once because he did that very thing. He pulled over the car on the side of the road and fell asleep.

8:04 Drew Really?

8:05 Violent Femmes And almost missed the gig.

8:06 Well, you know, I made it by 3 or 4 minutes. It really wasn't a problem.

8:11 Drew Did you pull over to take a nap?

8:13 Yeah.

8:14 Drew Yeah, that's sensible. I would never do that. I would never do that.

8:17 Violent Femmes Except that the drive was an hour and a half.

8:21 I got a late start.

8:22 I needed to take a little nap.

8:23 Violent Femmes Took a nap.

8:24 I had a late night the night before.

8:27 Drew Justin?

8:28 Violent Femmes Yeah.

8:28 Drew You're 19. What's up?

8:31 Caller My girlfriend just started taking the pill about 5 days ago. Tonight we had unprotected sex for the first time.

8:37 Adam What pill has she taken?

8:39 Caller Birth control. I don't know the brand of it.

8:40 Adam It's important that you figure that out.

8:43 Drew Why?

8:44 Adam Go ahead, finish your question.

8:45 Caller I have a couple of questions about it. She got home and realized maybe that you were supposed to wait a certain amount of time before we had unprotected sex.

8:54 Adam For the monophasic pills, for the triphasic, you're okay.

8:59 Caller She took 4 pills as a morning after type thing. We're wondering if that messes up the regular cycle of the pill.

9:08 Adam It depends what pill it is. Yes, it messes it up, but if you were on a monophasic pill, if it had something like or actually something called ethanol estradiol or levonogestrel, then you've done the right thing. Actually she might take 2 pills, then 12 hours later 2 more. That's what you should do if this happens in the first month of certain monophasic pills. If it's a triphasic pill, you're okay. In either case, I would finish the pack.

9:36 Caller Okay, and then I was also wondering if taking too many of them could hurt her in any way?

9:42 Adam Yes, but not like this. She's okay.

9:45 Caller Okay.

9:45 Adam Right?

9:46 Caller And then she's also taking it with a diet pill.

9:49 What diet pill?

9:51 Caller It's diet fuel. It's some sort of...

9:54 Adam Ma Wang.

9:56 Caller What did she say? It speeds up her heart and metabolism, so she loses weight while exercising.

10:03 Adam It's like metabolife?

10:04 Caller Yeah.

10:05 Adam Not good for her. Anything with Ma Wang in it or aphedra, be careful. All right?

10:11 Drew All right. Bye, Justin.

10:14 Adam Dr. Redactant is prescribing the pill. Let that physician know that she is on these weird supplements.

10:19 Drew Really?

10:20 Adam Yeah.

10:20 Drew What's aphedra? Is that speed?

10:22 Adam It's what speed is made out of.

10:24 Drew And then what's Ma Wang?

10:25 Adam Ma Wang is a herb that has speed-like, speedy influences, and it can inflame the liver pretty badly. And it interacts with the medications.

10:34 Drew You know that Angie Dickinson movie from the early 70s? Ma Wang?

10:38 Adam Ma Wang?

10:39 Drew Ma Wang. I gotta think of that. Ah, that's a big, bad mom. I think of something else. Dan?

10:44 Yeah.

10:45 Drew You're 20.

10:46 Caller Hi.

10:46 Drew What's up?

10:47 Caller I first want to say, Adam and Drew, I think you guys are doing a great service to the nation. You guys are hilarious and also really helpful.

10:54 Drew Thanks.

10:55 Caller And to the vinyl fans, I want to say Brian and Gordon, I've been a fan for, you know, since I was 8, and I think you're pretty much what Adam is now.

11:05 Adam He's 47 now.

11:06 What's that?

11:08 Drew He's 43. Come on. I'm with the Banfield band. Go ahead, Dan. Sorry.

11:12 Caller I just want to say that I think you're really creative and kind of like what Adam was saying in the beginning, you're so eclectic and just really interesting. And I hope that you continue for many years, and I really appreciate all the work that you've done in the past. And I just want to tell you that you have a lot of fans out there and I'm one of them.

11:33 Violent Femmes Thanks a lot. That's very kind of you. Thanks.

11:36 Drew What's up, Dan?

11:37 Well, that's it.

11:38 Drew That's it?

11:39 Caller Well, actually, I have another question, but I don't want to take up too much of your time. Go ahead.

11:42 Drew Go ahead.

11:42 Caller Well, I'm 20 years old, I'm in college, and I've never really had any kind of relationship that's meaningful or even at all. And I kind of meet women. This happened four times. I meet women, I hang out with them for a day or two, we have sex, and then I never see them again. And I don't want to continue like that. I want to have a meaningful relationship.

12:06 Adam Any idea why those relationships go down like that?

12:09 Caller Maybe because I look for people that are kind of not available or are going to move away the next day.

12:19 Adam Why don't you begin looking for something different?

12:21 Caller That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to not look for a person that is kind of a weirdo. But every person that I find, the other thing is I really have high standards. Like I don't want to hang out with people that are smokers or too much of partiers or whatever. And I'm afraid that everyone in college is like that. And I'm not going to have any sort of relationship until I'm 30. Is that realistic?

12:44 Drew Yeah. That's about right. Maybe 28, 29. Hey Dan, why don't you lower, see here's the way you can lower your requirements a little. You start drinking yourself.

12:57 Caller No, no.

12:58 Drew You see what I'm saying?

12:59 Caller No, thanks.

13:00 Drew That helps.

13:01 Caller Okay.

13:01 Drew You don't want to drink. Okay. Don't pass judgment on everybody. Just find a nice chick and have a relationship. Say don't look for what's wrong. Okay. You know, it's like you don't treat a woman.

13:12 Adam Wait a minute, that's the first time we've ever given that advice.

13:14 Drew All right.

13:14 Adam Think about it. Usually we're like, hey, hey.

13:16 Drew Now, but in Dan's case...

13:17 Adam Open your eyes and look at what's wrong.

13:18 Drew Dan looks at women like it's a used car. He goes and combs through it. He wants to see the records. He wants to look underneath, see if they're been ran over the curb or something like that. You're looking too much. Just to hop into something if it feels right, drive it around for a few years. Okay. Then you torch it and collect on the insurance.

13:35 Adam What's that, Dan?

13:37 Caller I think I listened to your show too much and kind of realized that...

13:39 Adam We scare you.

13:40 We scare you. Everybody has had sexual abuse and everyone's a piece of work.

13:46 Adam Everyone is a piece of work, but not everyone has had sexual abuse. You got to remember, we're not talking to the typical college co-ed. That's not the typical profile we're speaking to here. That's it. Those problems don't exist on college campuses. You should be aware of those risks.

14:01 Drew Yeah. Listening to this show is like touring a prison and thinking that's what goes on.

14:10 Adam It is what goes on in terms of sheer numbers across this country, but in ivory towers like colleges, you have homogenous populations relatively.

14:19 Drew Well, some of those colleges up north, yeah, sure, big homogenous population. Susie? Then they have the chicks college right next door there for the lesbians. Susie, what's going on?

14:30 Caller Hi.

14:32 Well, Adam, I just want to say I really think you're God and I really adore you.

14:37 Drew Good. That's important.

14:39 Adam And we had one of these, we did some television shows today, and one of the classic comments, you didn't really comment on it, was the woman that called like this, Adam, you're the greatest, I love you. Everybody thinks I'm crazy.

14:49 Drew Yeah, I get a lot of that. I get a lot of methodome follow-up questions to the ones that he preys on me initially. So what's up with you, Susie?

15:00 Okay.

15:01 Caller Well, it's sort of weird.

15:02 Okay, I have had this friend for like about a year now. And during like the past month or something, we sort of like got together. Like we started like, you know, messing around this and that. And then like it finally ended up where he confessed to me, like, you know, he like loves me this and that. And then like a week after that, I don't know, he's just like getting all these mood swings and like telling me, telling everyone he hates me, this and that. And like he told me he doesn't want a girlfriend. Okay, I understand, you know? And then he told me like a couple of days ago like okay, none of this meant nothing to me, you know?

15:35 Adam How old is he?

15:36 He's 16 and I'm 16 too.

15:39 Adam All right, maybe 14.

15:41 Drew So he doesn't want a relationship.

15:43 Yeah, and the thing is okay, okay, when we're around he tells me, you know, you're, you know, I like you, this and that, whatever. But whenever like he's around other people, you know, he, you know, it's like normal guy stuff. He says like he hates me.

15:55 Adam Susie, how old are you really?

15:56 I'm 16.

15:57 Adam Really?

15:58 Yeah.

15:59 Drew Hmm. Why? Didn't say I'm...

16:01 Adam Just the way she presented her age, I just, it didn't sound quite right.

16:03 Drew All right. Hey, Susie? This may not be the right guy. This isn't your prince. Okay. All right. He says he hates you when he gets around other people. It's not normal guy stuff. Ignoring you, that's normal guy stuff. But saying he hates you, you know, that's taking it, that's taking a step too far.

16:20 Adam My God.

16:21 Drew All right.

16:21 Adam And he's real lay-by on chaotic. It may not be somebody you can have a real relationship with.

16:25 Drew Find a guy who likes you. Listen, all you screwed up sixteen-year-old chicks. Just because a guy likes you and is willing to treat you right, does not mean he has something wrong with him.

16:35 Adam Or he's a loser.

16:36 Drew You gotta understand that.

16:38 Adam He's a wimp.

16:39 Drew Yeah. I don't know what it is with women, but somewhere between fifteen and twenty-three they only want guys who don't treat them right. And then as soon as they get a little bit older, they want those nice guys back. Unfortunately, those nice guys have graduated from law school and they're dating seventeen-year-old peroxide blondes. But you got to sort of be good enough to yourself to date people that are going to treat you right early on. Don't get into that game. Don't get into that dance. I don't know what that is. I mean, it must be something. It must be, I was going to say genetic. But what I mean is, is it must be something that's sort of developmentally appropriate. Yeah. What is that? How does that serve women?

17:26 Adam Well, I think it was developmental issues and sort of epidemiologic issues and natural selection issues. It's about finding that alpha male.

17:35 Drew Right. Yeah. Oh, and getting knocked up at 15 or 16.

17:41 Adam That's the impulse.

17:42 Drew I'll tell you what, if I have a son, I'm going to train him to be an alpha male.

17:46 Adam But you know, there are all kinds of impulses that are biologically driven but are not good for humans. Certainly not in present society. I was amazed to find out how many of those impulses you and your friends indulged in.

17:57 Drew As youngins?

17:59 Adam Yeah, his good friends would leave large bowel movements.

18:04 Drew In the toilet? In my bathroom? Yeah, that was their calling card. That's how I knew they were there.

18:10 Adam You said your dad stepped in one.

18:12 Drew Well, my buddy Ray took a dump in front of my, you know, I had a back door that led into my room and he left a little present there and my dad walked in. Yeah, but you know, all in the name of good fun. That's all it was. You know what I did? I put one of those big, you know those decorative popcorn cans? You know, you get those big popcorn cans filled with like the three different kinds of popcorn. I think my aunt got me one for like Christmas in 1979. I just capsized the popcorn can on the Duke. I remember that. I just kind of left it there for a while. I figure, you know, with the popcorn can over it.

18:51 I have a question. You said these were like the calling cards. That means by the type of bowel movement, you could identify which friend. I could say they were consistent in color and shape and size or, you know, scent.

19:06 Drew I could narrow it down to about three guys. Yeah, sure.

19:10 Adam Sure.

19:11 Drew I knew it. Just like, Drew, you can recognize the movements of your children, I'm sure. Is that true? No.

19:19 Adam Strangely, yes.

19:20 Drew All right. Is it?

19:21 Adam Probably.

19:22 Drew All right. Well, there you go, weirdo. Now, who's looking at the kiddie poo? You know what I'm saying? All right. See? You're more shaped than I am. We're going to hear something from the Violent Femmes. I think now is the right time to do it. Yeah? All right, Anderson. Come on. So, we run a little late. Let's hear something.

19:41 Okay?

19:42 Drew Is it bad timing? Why not? Let's just... We could have heard it by now, you see? All right.

19:47 Adam This is...

19:48 Drew This is blister in the sun. That is Glister in the Sun, of course, off of Viva, Wisconsin, which will be out November 23rd. Violent Femmes, our guest tonight, we'll take a quick break, and when we come back, we'll speak to Laura.

22:32 Adam No.

22:32 Drew No? We'll speak to Jim, who's 30, is in an open relationship, but things are bad. We'll get to the bottom of that after this.

22:43 You have five seconds. Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Two, back in a minute. One.

23:16 Drew It is Loveline, I'm Adam, that is Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Gordon and Brian are both here tonight. From the Violent Femmes, Viva Wisconsin is the name of the CD. These guys are going to be on Craig Kilburn tomorrow night. Right. And then the webcast. Jesus Christ, Drew. You have to wait till the mics heat up for that. Please. They got a live webcast tomorrow night on cbs.com at 7.30, hosted by Craig Kilburn, featuring a live performance. How's that going to work? Did I just tell you how it's going to work?

24:04 Violent Femmes Well, first we tape the Craig Kilburn show.

24:07 Drew Right. I did that two weeks ago, I think. That's like 6 or 6.30.

24:13 Violent Femmes Then when that's over, we're going to do the webcast.

24:16 Adam From the same studio?

24:17 Violent Femmes Yeah. Same set, everything. Then the TV show itself airs later on, as you know.

24:23 Drew Right. Are you going to do acoustic thing? Are you going to have full band, full electric thing?

24:29 Violent Femmes Well, there are only three of us and we're going to play acoustically just like on this live CD.

24:34 Drew Is this CD all acoustic?

24:36 Violent Femmes Totally acoustic.

24:37 Drew I had no idea. Do you get out the xylophone here?

24:42 Violent Femmes It's on the record. Yes, it is.

24:44 Drew Yeah. Because I kind of like to hear Gone Daddy Gone, you know.

24:50 Violent Femmes Well, let's check it out later on.

24:51 Drew Yeah. I think we should do that. I know we have another song slated to be played, but I like that. Whatever. I like that xylophone thing. Jim?

25:01 Yeah.

25:01 Drew You're 30.

25:02 Caller Yes, I am. How are you guys doing tonight?

25:04 Drew Good. How are you doing?

25:06 Caller Pretty good. Thanks. I'm just pulling. I have a little bit of a problem. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about five years, and we're thinking of getting engaged within the next month or so, and plan on getting married at the end of the summer. And we have, like I mentioned, we have an open relationship, and we're kind of, I guess you could say, light swingers. We've only been with a couple other people. We're not really heavily into it, but we've always maintained an open relationship, where if she found somebody that she was interested in, she could talk to me about it, I'd talk to her about it, we could go our own ways or whatever.

25:40 Drew Yeah. Yeah, let me tell you how these open relationships work out for the guys. You open beer, she opens her legs. That's how the open relationship works out.

25:49 Caller Yeah, well, this one's been going on.

25:50 Drew Guys can never get laid as much as women. They just can't. That's why these things go south.

25:56 Violent Femmes Do you really think that it's possible to be happily married and have an open relationship?

26:04 Caller Uh, it's probably not possible.

26:06 Adam Right.

26:06 Violent Femmes I've never heard of it.

26:08 Adam It doesn't exist. It does not exist for short periods of time. Yeah. But it will torch out in some rather unpleasant way.

26:15 Caller Yeah. I guess this situation just kind of came up where she's doing a lot of traveling and she's interested in being somebody that, being with somebody that she travels with. And that kind of just spooks me a bit.

26:27 Drew Being, what do you mean, someone from work? Yeah. The DJ from the Strip Club is going on the road with her?

26:33 Adam Well, you have an open relationship, Jim. What's the big deal?

26:35 Drew Yeah, that's cool.

26:36 Adam Yeah, what's the big deal?

26:37 Drew Just a little sex in a hotel room, she'll be back.

26:40 Caller Yeah. Well, things haven't been going all that great with us and we're trying to patch up a few things and get things straightened out for...

26:48 Adam By all means, get married and have a kid. That'll solve everything.

26:52 Drew Two kids will make it better.

26:54 Adam Jim, please. It's a mess.

26:56 Drew Yeah. It doesn't work. It's a sort of, here's the only way it works when both people are really F'd up. But then that doesn't work.

27:05 Adam Then eventually that doesn't work either.

27:06 Drew Right.

27:06 Caller Well, look, the cool thing about it was that we spoke about it before and we were like approach each other before it happens and talk to each other and see how each other feels. And just with the way our relationship is right now, I'm not really sure how it feels so I can't really tell her to go ahead.

27:20 Adam Well, Jim, you are sure. You're not willing to have your feelings, admit your feelings. You're in massive denial about what this thing does to you.

27:25 Drew And you think it's going to be an admittance of weakness or something if you tell her.

27:30 Adam It feels like crap. Of course it feels like crap.

27:33 Drew Yeah.

27:33 Violent Femmes And you're probably thinking about getting married because then that will be your way of sort of being the top dog or having some sort of possession of her.

27:42 Caller Well, we've been thinking about that for a while, but...

27:44 Adam We or you?

27:45 Caller I'm sorry?

27:46 Adam You've been thinking about her becoming a possession at that point?

27:50 Caller Oh, no, not at all.

27:50 Drew Alright. So, hey, Jim, here's what you need to do. You need to be honest with yourself first and foremost. Then you need to tell her, listen, as far as this open thing, it was fun for a while, but I'd like to put an end to it, commit, especially since we're going to get married. If she won't go along with that, then you have to have the guts to break it off because it's not going to work for you.

28:11 Adam It's not going to work for her either, because if she needs that, she can't have been to this.

28:14 Drew And I wonder if she's a little screwed up, Jim.

28:16 Adam Oh, yeah.

28:17 Drew Oh, no.

28:18 Adam Come on, Jim.

28:19 Drew Come on, Jim. Jim, you're in a ton of denial.

28:22 Caller Yeah, maybe on that.

28:23 Adam Oh, yes.

28:25 Caller She's got it all together.

28:26 Drew Where's her dad? Where's her dad?

28:30 Caller Hopefully not listening to your show right now.

28:31 Where is he?

28:33 Caller He's home.

28:34 Drew They get along?

28:35 Caller Yeah, they get along pretty good.

28:36 Adam Have they always gotten along?

28:38 Caller I'm sorry?

28:38 Adam Have they always gotten along?

28:39 Caller No, they've been some rough times, but everything's going well now.

28:43 Adam When he was drinking, why was it rough? I mean, was it because he was drinking when it was rough?

28:47 Caller Oh, no. No. No.

28:49 Drew Heroin, they have to say?

28:52 Caller Nah, just family differences and stuff like that, but no one.

28:55 Adam Jim, please. Please, Jim, you can't talk without vague shrouds of denial over everything.

29:01 Drew I know. I know. He thinks we're his construction buddies sitting around on a pile of drywalls.

29:07 Caller I'm sorry about that.

29:08 Drew All right, Jim, please. Listen, just get realistic, would you?

29:11 Caller Okay.

29:13 Drew Lay it out to her and don't get married if she can't handle that. All right. And listen, I've seen these exposés on the swingers clubs. The notion is good until you actually see the participants. It is bad. First off, for chicks who spend a good deal of their time naked, they are some of the whitest people I've ever seen in my life. And it's like sort of, it's that really pasty white chick, sort of middish 40s, 35 pounds overweight, but stuffed into a leather teddy moving around. I mean, it's dawn of the dead at these swingers parties. It is not the porno swingers party that I've, it's been chronicled in many movies, that I have at home. I mean, whenever they do these like, you know, HBO, undercover, whatever, these exposés, these swingers clubs are filled with overweight, unattractive people. That's nice. It is true. It's true. And I'm just trying to discourage people from the swinging lifestyles. Like that is what you picture yourself with a couple of nubile stewardesses or something. You ain't going to find that. Just big, scary chicks from the Midwest with clear skin. And I don't mean blemish free. I mean, actually clear.

30:29 Adam Translucent.

30:29 Drew You can see, you can see their muscle if they had any. Laura?

30:34 Caller Yeah.

30:35 Drew You're fifteen. What's up?

30:37 Caller I wanted some questions about hepatitis. Yeah, because my grandma, she died and she had some stroke, but didn't do any autopsy. And we were wondering if she had hepatitis.

30:49 Adam Why, what, where did that come from?

30:52 Caller Well, because she had lots of symptoms.

30:55 Adam She turned yellow?

30:56 Caller Yeah, her eyes were yellow.

30:57 Drew All old people are yellow. Aren't they, Drew?

30:59 Adam Well, they don't know how to really judge jaundice, but okay.

31:02 Caller And like her skin would get like so itchy that she like scratched it so it would get like red.

31:09 Adam Right, you're right. That is a sign of what's called hyperbillarubinemia, when they turn, was her skin sort of a golden brown? And then her eyes turned yellow and skin itched?

31:19 Caller Yeah.

31:19 Adam Right. How old was she?

31:21 Caller She was fifty, fifty-four, I think.

31:25 Adam Well, actually the most common reason...

31:27 Drew You guys didn't want to swing her by the hospital at some point? Maybe let the doctor have a look-see?

31:32 Caller Well, because how she was, she was like, she never like wanted to go to the doctor and stuff. Because she was like the kind of person, like if she didn't know about it, it didn't exist, you know?

31:40 Adam Did she have any abdominal pain?

31:42 Caller Um, well, it's like heart-stakes, like she never like wanted to tell anybody about it.

31:47 Adam Did she lose a lot of weight?

31:49 Caller Um, like yeah, like often, she was like cooked on diet pills too, so.

31:53 Adam Oh, that's interesting. Was she an IV drug user ever?

31:55 Caller Um, her? Yeah, she's like been a pill popper since she was like real young.

32:00 Adam But did she use IV drugs ever?

32:02 Caller Um, not...

32:02 Drew Like a syringe?

32:03 Adam What?

32:04 Caller Not that she told us.

32:05 Adam Well, painless jaundice in somebody older, and she isn't that old, is usually pancreatic cancer.

32:11 Drew Sure, you're fifty-something, aren't you?

32:12 Adam Not yet. Uh, pancreatic cancer, okay? Now, there are other obstructions of the biliary tract that can cause that, and sometimes complications of hepatitis, too.

32:21 Drew Let's not wax on about this for too long.

32:23 Adam Well, you're not going to speculate. It just doesn't...

32:25 Drew Well, okay.

32:25 Adam All right.

32:26 Drew Who are you, Quincy? Who cares? I mean...

32:28 Adam She's asking.

32:28 Drew I know, but her grandmother's passed away. I'm more interested in what's up with her mom and... or her dad, or whose side was his grandma on?

32:37 Caller Oh, my mom.

32:38 Drew And how come, uh, what's up with your mom, that she didn't, you know, seek some, uh, medical help for her mother?

32:44 Caller Oh, because, like, my... well, because, like, they weren't, like, really close and stuff, you know.

32:49 Drew They weren't close?

32:50 Caller No.

32:50 Drew No. Okay. How are you doing, Laura? I smell trouble in this family.

32:56 Caller Uh-huh, yeah.

32:57 Drew Yeah.

32:57 Adam What's been happening?

32:59 Caller No, um, we... my mom and my parents just got divorced, and we came out here to Maryland from California and stuff.

33:06 Drew Yeah. You doing all right?

33:08 Caller Um, yeah, pretty much.

33:09 Adam That's a big change.

33:10 Caller Yeah.

33:12 Drew Yeah. Well, Maryland's nice, though.

33:14 Caller Yeah, kind of. It's like California, though.

33:16 Drew Well, I'm just trying to be nice. I didn't like it much. We drove through it once. No, I like Maryland, didn't I? Haven't I said that?

33:23 Adam I know. I was vomiting, remember?

33:25 Drew It wasn't because of Maryland, though. That was because of Philadelphia. You just happened to be vomiting as we drove through Maryland.

33:32 Adam No, actually, I went back in the state of Baltimore for a couple of days. It was beautiful.

33:34 Drew You threw up some more? All right. Hey, Laura, listen, why don't you focus on finding some friends and doing good in school and all that stuff?

33:45 Adam If you didn't do an autopsy, you're never going to know what this was. There's a lot of possibilities. Okay?

33:51 Caller Okay.

33:52 Drew All right. Take care.

33:53 Caller Thank you.

33:54 Drew All right. I kind of worry a little about mom there with her mom sort of in her mid-fifties running away somewhere. Yeah.

34:02 Adam That's literally what happened to her.

34:03 Drew Yeah.

34:04 Adam In this day and age, it's rather rare.

34:08 Drew There's a good hospital over there in Bethesda, isn't there?

34:12 Adam Yeah. They may be over by Johns Hopkins.

34:14 Drew Probably could have helped her out.

34:16 Caller All right.

34:18 Drew Jordan?

34:19 Yeah.

34:19 Drew You're 14? Yeah. What's up?

34:22 Caller Well, my girlfriend, she's like cheating on me with this guy I know. And my friend Keith, who I'd like to say hi to, he found out because he told him and I confronted her about it. And she like told me that she wouldn't do it again, but I found out that she did.

34:44 Drew Well, it'll never happen again. Give her another chance.

34:48 Adam What did she do when she cheated?

34:50 Caller She gave him a B day, like a couple of times.

34:53 Adam Really? How old is she?

34:55 Caller She's 14 too.

34:57 Adam That's when that business starts these days. It's unbelievable.

34:59 Drew That's why I'm going to build that time machine. That's right. I've now figured it out. I wanted to send myself back to high school to try to get oral sex, but now I'm just going to send my genitalia back. I realize I'd like to stay here and keep working and stuff like that.

35:18 Adam Just have the penis.

35:18 Drew Just send the penis back in time. I haven't quite figured that out yet, but I'm putting the finishing touches on. 14. How old is the guy? Is he 14, too?

35:29 He's 15.

35:31 Drew Well, he's a ripe old age. I would have had a heart attack at 15 if anything wet had touched my penis. Hey, Jordan?

35:40 Caller Yes?

35:40 Drew Yeah. Maybe you ought to break up with her.

35:43 Caller Okay. Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

35:46 Adam Good plan.

35:47 Drew She's a little chaotic, you know, and she's going to drag you into it, too.

35:51 Caller Yeah.

35:52 Drew Yeah. And maybe you should have broken up with her after the first BJ.

35:57 Caller Yeah, I was thinking. And then I decided to give her another chance, but no.

36:03 Drew Okay. Because you were getting BJs, too, right?

36:06 Caller Yeah.

36:07 Drew Yeah. Guys become very, very tolerant when the BJ is factored into the mix. All right.

36:15 Adam 14.

36:16 Drew 14. That's why I'm moving to Canada.

36:18 Violent Femmes Too young, wouldn't you say, Doctor?

36:20 Adam Yeah, too young. But this is when that behavior actually starts in America now. That's the average age. That's the thing they get into at 14 now.

36:27 Drew Imagine.

36:28 Violent Femmes Average age means that for everyone who starts at 17, there's one who starts at 11 if the average age is 14.

36:38 Adam It is average behavior at 14. It's normative behavior, not good behavior, but it's common behavior.

36:45 Drew Drew, can you imagine one day when I have a young son, I'll probably get a BJ, I mean by then, eight, nine years old, something like that. We're moving in that direction, aren't we?

36:56 Adam When you talk to kids, they are bewildered when you freak out about that fact. They're like, what are you talking about? You're 14? That's what you do when you're 14, right?

37:05 Drew No, it doesn't count as sex.

37:07 Adam It's not sex.

37:08 Drew It's just petting.

37:09 Adam It's a big deal. They are just baffled that people our age are just blown away by this.

37:15 Drew When I was growing up, the average age of the first BJ was 27. You believe that? 27 years old. Now it's down to 14.

37:23 Adam Rapid.

37:24 Drew Yeah. That's why I said that's why my kids can enjoy oral sex, like I said, well before the Bar Mitzvah. And we will be the only non-Jews throwing Bar Mitzvahs because that's when the kids really clean up with all that gift certificates and all those bonds and everything. It's great. All right. The Violent Femmes are here. We're going to take ourselves a break and when we come back, we'll speak to Crystal, 16. She's been with three guys, now has been with boyfriend for a year, but is scared to have sex with him. We'll figure out what's up with that after this. All right, it is Loveline. Gordon Ganno and Brian Rich, you're both here from the Violent Femmes. Viva Wisconsin is the name of the CD. It'll be out the 23rd next week. Freak Magnet, which is a studio album. Viva Wisconsin is a live album. That'll be out February 22nd, so you can look forward to that. Also Craig Kilburn tomorrow night, and then the webcast. It's 7.30 hosted by Craig Kilburn, and what is that webcast number?

38:59 Adam 7.30 Pacific Time, cbs.com.

39:02 Drew cbs.com?

39:03 Adam Easy.

39:04 Drew Wow, that is easy.

39:05 Caller All right.

39:06 Drew Where the hell are we? Tommy Lee and his new band will be in here, by the way, on Sunday night, and Crystal.

39:18 Caller Yeah.

39:19 Drew You're 16.

39:20 Caller Yeah.

39:20 Drew So, you've been with three guys, and now you've been with your boyfriend for a year.

39:26 Caller Yeah, we've been together. It'll be a year in February, I think. Yeah.

39:30 Drew Okay. So, you've been together for nine months or something. And when is it that you haven't had sex?

39:39 Caller No.

39:39 Drew And you're scared to?

39:41 Caller Yeah.

39:41 Drew Why?

39:42 Caller I have no idea.

39:44 Drew Well, you weren't scared with the other guys?

39:46 Caller No.

39:46 Drew Uh-huh. I got a theory. I think you like this guy you're with. You're scared to become intimate with him. And the other guys, maybe you didn't have such strong feelings about.

40:00 Adam Yes?

40:02 Caller Well, one of them I did. I felt almost the same. But I don't know. I guess it's just that I like this guy a whole lot.

40:08 Adam That's what Adam said.

40:09 Drew Uh-huh. A new theory altogether.

40:11 Adam But listen.

40:12 Drew Anything but just go, yes, Mr. Corolla, you're right as usual.

40:16 Adam Is you were 15 during your 15th year of life, you were with three guys? You had sex with three guys? So starting at 14?

40:27 Caller No, 15.

40:29 Adam Wasn't that kind of young to be on a?

40:31 Drew Now, three is not exactly a tear.

40:33 Adam It's a tear of 15.

40:34 Drew Okay. It's a rip. It's not a full tear.

40:37 Adam What was going on then?

40:40 Caller I don't know. I was with one guy. We were together for almost a year. But, I mean, we had sex, like, after we were together, like, three months, then we had sex. And then we ended up staying together, but I started seeing somebody else.

40:57 Adam What was going on in your life? Forget the specific details of the relationship. What else in the background in your life? What was going on in your family?

41:06 Caller Well, I mean, I was raised by a stepdad.

41:11 Adam Who was awful. Was he awful?

41:13 Caller Pretty much, yeah.

41:14 Adam Did he sexually abuse you?

41:15 Caller No.

41:16 Adam Did he physically abuse you?

41:18 Caller Yeah, I mean, like he would get drunk and come home and yell at us and hit me and my sister.

41:23 Adam How old were you when you first had sex?

41:26 Caller When I first had sex? I really wasn't around him that much because I spent all my time at my friend's house.

41:34 Adam How old were you when you first had sex?

41:36 Caller First.

41:38 Adam Nothing ever happened before that?

41:40 Caller 16.

41:41 Adam Well, you just told a while ago you had three guys while you were 15.

41:43 Drew It will be up to 18 in a couple of minutes.

41:45 Adam What's that?

41:46 Caller I meant 16. I'm sorry.

41:47 Adam I don't see how. You're 16 now and it was a year ago when you left off and you had three guys during the year before that.

41:53 Caller Yeah, I'll be 17 next month.

41:55 Drew All right. Well, listen, Drew, let's not harp on this. Where's your real dad?

42:01 Caller Last I heard he was in prison.

42:03 Drew Okay.

42:03 Adam Did he do anything to you?

42:05 Caller No.

42:06 Drew Well, hold on a second. Wait a minute. Let me yell at Drew for a second. She's been with, she's almost 17. She's been with a total of three guys. That is not by Loveline's standards, a woman who's racked up some serious numbers. I know you're harping on the sexual abuse thing, but that's not where this is at. Her real father basically abandoned the family, thrown in jail. Stepdad comes in, he's a lush. He physically and verbally abuses the kids. She's scared to get close to a guy because the last guy she got close to was incarcerated. She doesn't want to become intimate with this guy, which was my original theory 20 minutes ago.

42:45 Adam No, your theory was right. I agree.

42:46 Drew That's what's going on. I don't think there was necessarily any sexual abuse, although Crystal does have a few holes in her story. I believe her. She doesn't... Crystal, you don't want to have sex with this guy because you're scared of the feelings that it's going to bring up. Then potentially you may create something that could be taken away or destroyed. You're reluctant to do that. I don't blame you. But this is how life works and you just push through it. You just work on it.

43:13 Adam I was just hearing more chaos than just that. That's why I was going for it.

43:16 Drew There's a decent amount there. You want to find out what her dad is in prison for?

43:20 Adam No.

43:21 Drew I just want to find out just to see if it's parole violation, which is the number one answer here on Loveline. Crystal?

43:28 Caller Yeah.

43:28 Drew What's your dad in prison for?

43:30 Caller Last I heard... the reason he went to prison the first time, because they said he's been in prison throughout my life. And the first time was because he had hit his girlfriend and did drugs and drank and everything.

43:44 Drew Right.

43:45 Caller And that's practically, I think, why, was because hitting all his girlfriends and drugs.

43:51 Drew He's been 15 years. Okay, hold on a second. Thank you.

43:54 Adam And Mom managed to find another alcoholic.

43:57 Drew Listen, I... oh. What a shocking, shocking revelation. What a coincidence. Listen, if I'm a judge and I, and I put some guy away for beating his old lady, I am not going to let that old lady hook up with another guy unless she seeks some serious therapy.

44:14 Adam That's an interesting idea.

44:16 Drew Keep an eye on them because they will absolutely go out and find another abusive guy.

44:21 Adam Or worse.

44:22 Drew Later that day. I swear to God.

44:24 Yeah.

44:25 Drew Okay.

44:26 Caller Good point.

44:27 Drew It does?

44:28 Caller Yeah.

44:29 Caller Matt?

44:31 Drew Yeah. I am going to rethink it now. Matt, you are seventeen. Yeah. Yeah.

44:36 I just want to talk to Gordon Geno.

44:39 Caller I was wondering about this new CD coming out.

44:42 Caller Viva...

44:43 Drew Wisconsin.

44:44 Caller Yeah.

44:45 Adam What does that say again?

44:47 Drew Yeah.

44:48 Caller I was wondering if it was just like another Add It Up.

44:52 It was just like Add It Up.

44:55 No. It's not just like Add It Up.

44:57 Drew What do you think he's going to say? Yes. It's exactly the same. You should buy it anyway.

45:02 I don't recommend anyone buying it, but if you happen to know someone that has a copy and can tape it for you, then that's fine. But it's live. It's in concert. The Add It Up record that he refers to a record that was a compilation of things throughout our career. That was 81 to 93, I believe. There were songs on there from the different studio records that came out and then different outtakes and things that were not put on the studio records at the time and a couple of live cuts from various locations. This record is, again, it's a variety of songs, but it's all songs that were recorded in a one-week stretch about a year ago. And the series of shows we played in Wisconsin. So a lot of the songs are different. So yeah, there's some which are the same, but then it's different versions. And there's a lot of different ones. So it is a different record.

46:01 Violent Femmes All right.

46:02 Drew And Matt, did you have, you want to know what else is coming up after Viva Wisconsin?

46:07 Violent Femmes Yeah.

46:07 Drew Yep. That'd be Freak Magnet.

46:10 Violent Femmes All right.

46:11 And that's a studio record of the recordings we've been making since our last studio record got released, which was a little while ago.

46:20 Drew So how long ago was that?

46:22 I don't know. I stopped counting at five years.

46:24 Drew All right. I'm going to let you guys, we're going to take a break. I know you guys have a real hectic schedule and you've been running. So we're going to let you take an extended break. The Violent Femmes, again, Kill Born tomorrow night and then the webcast on cbs.com. 7.30 tomorrow.

46:44 Adam 10.30 Eastern Time.

46:45 Drew All right. Thanks Gordon and Brian. We appreciate it. Thanks a lot.

46:48 Violent Femmes Nice being here.

46:49 Drew We'll hear something else off of the Violent Femmes, Viva Wisconsin after the break.

47:28 Violent Femmes Neat.

47:29 Drew It is Loveline. We'll take a quick ten-second timeout, we'll be back with more of the show in just ten seconds.

47:35 This is Loveline on Radio Station.

47:50 Drew It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. The Violent Femmes have left the building, but their CD is still here. And I think we'll hear something else off of that, except for I'm picking the song. It's not the one that the publicist wants. Well, that's all right. I want to hear that Gone Daddy Gone song because it has a xylophone. It sounds cool. I love a xylophone. You just don't hear it enough these days. What's your number?

48:21 Adam 275 songs on this.

48:23 Drew All right, Alex.

48:25 Adam It's 18 Anderson. 18.

48:27 Drew Alex, you're 19.

48:30 Caller Yeah.

48:30 Drew What's up?

48:31 Caller Okay. I'm supposed to be starting birth control pill, and I'm just waiting for my next cycle to start so I can get on it. I haven't started yet. Me and my boyfriend had unprotected sex like two days ago. And I was just wondering like with emergency contraceptive, can I start taking that birth control now or and again today? So I'm worried about that.

48:54 Adam Well, what was the question? You're not taking the birth control pill yet.

48:57 Caller I haven't started yet.

48:58 Adam Well, you need to take it.

48:59 Drew What did you do again today?

49:01 Caller Have unprotected sex.

49:02 Adam Oh, you did that again. You got to take birth control pill.

49:05 Drew You're in a real role.

49:06 Adam Yeah, you're really looking to get pregnant, basically.

49:07 Drew And you learned your lesson from a couple days ago.

49:10 Adam Take the, what pill do you have there?

49:13 Caller It's called OrthoNorvam 135.

49:18 Adam I'm not sure if that would, I don't think that would be sufficient for the, you got to get the emergency contraception.

49:26 Caller I have to get that?

49:26 Adam Yeah, yeah, you should get it. Then you should get it right away, either prevent or plan B. There's a phone number you can call to get a referral to somebody nearby and get you the medication. It's, what is it, 1-800-not-too-late, isn't that right? 1-888-not-number-too-late.

49:42 Drew That sounds familiar.

49:43 Adam All right. You've got to do this. You have another 24 hours with which to get the pill. The sooner you get, the more effective it is.

49:49 Caller OK, and also on this one.

49:50 Adam And if you've ovulated, by the way, you're going to get pregnant. It will not have really any significant effect after you've ovulated. So hopefully.

49:57 Caller And when my last period was like maybe about a week and a half, two weeks ago. Does that mean?

50:05 Adam Perfect. You're right in the wheelhouse. Right there.

50:09 Drew Hey, Wingnut. What are you? What are you, fourteen? All right. But don't be so goddamn stupid, would you? Jesus Christ. It's like you guys are a couple of pack wolves or something. Jesus Christ. You had your... Thank you. That's your mom calling. You had your period, you know, two weeks ago, which is right... This is now right at the time you're ovulating. You're having unprotected sex two days ago and you're worried about it. Now you have unprotected sex today. I mean, what are you? I mean, is this... Is this how we pass along? Is this how... Is this some sort of... I don't want to be horribly insulting here, but I'm starting to think this is how we pass along this sort of semi-retarded gene so that we can have garbage meant. Do you know what I mean? Is this how it works? This must be... This must be how it works, right? I mean, you guys are going to give... Can you imagine the kid that comes from you two idiots? Jesus. Come on, honey. What's up? Now, your boyfriend's got a boner. You're not going to be able to control him, but you got to do the thinking. Take some initiative.

51:22 Adam He'll love you.

51:23 Drew Tell him to put a condom on.

51:24 Adam Don't blame the woman. It's not her responsibility. The guy's got to play a role.

51:27 Drew The guy's an idiot, too, but I mean, we all know guys are idiots, and women have to, women theoretically are a little bit smarter. And hold on. Lisa, don't yap when I'm talking. You can't do it when I'm talking.

51:42 Adam What did she say?

51:44 Drew What doesn't she say when I'm talking? She talks to me while my mouth is moving into the microphone, and it just drowns out my own voice. All right.

51:53 Adam We don't hear it, though.

51:54 Drew Yeah, I know. I just sound like an idiot because I'm stuttering. All right, Alexis.

51:59 Caller I also wanted to know on this, when I do start taking it, I was told that it'd be effective right away. Is it true or do I have to wait a month before it's effective?

52:09 Adam The ortho novin 135? I think you should wait a month.

52:12 Caller Wait a month?

52:13 Drew Yeah. She's not going to wait a month. She's going to have sex unprotected, sex 28 times in that month. Come on, screwball. Do you want to get pregnant? Well, then act like it, please.

52:25 Adam Call that number. 888-NOT-TOO-LATE.

52:30 Drew I'm just going to drive around in a Humvee and shoot people in the arm with a NORPLAN. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to have my own team when I'm in power. They're going to comb the streets.

52:40 Adam Humvee team.

52:41 Drew Anybody out past 10 o'clock on weeknights and 12 o'clock on weekends is going to get shot in the arm with this NORPLAN. Men, women, children, stray dogs. Doesn't matter. Homeless. Everybody. Pow. Right in the arm. If they're good shots, some are going to get in the neck, the back side. Drew's really blowing that nose tonight. Travis, you're 19.

53:10 Caller Yeah, how's it going?

53:11 Drew Good. What's up with you?

53:12 Caller Yeah, I was having some problems lately. Every time I've been having sex with my girlfriend, I get severe, severe headaches.

53:21 Adam This is something brand new.

53:23 Caller It hasn't happened before. In the last couple of months, it's been happening like very seriously.

53:27 Adam Any previous history of migraines?

53:29 Caller No, never. I heard about them from my friends, but no, I never had them.

53:33 Adam Any family history of migraine?

53:34 Caller No, I don't think so.

53:36 Adam It turns out it's actually rather important that you have this evaluated. It is often a migraine phenomenon. It's often something that doesn't need to be a big concern, but it can be an aneurysm, things like that. It can be other things that need to be evaluated.

53:48 Drew That's not a good thing. Why aneurysm?

53:51 Adam Because it's something that tends to...

53:52 Drew Pressure?

53:53 Adam Pressure and all of the vascular changes associated with all the hormones and chemicals that are released.

53:58 Drew Is an aneurysm a weakening of an artery wall?

54:02 Adam It is the same as a tire blowout, a sidewall blowout.

54:06 Drew Yeah, like a weakening and usually a bulge.

54:09 Adam Yes.

54:09 Drew It's more like when you had a bike and you wear a hole in the tire and the inner tube would start pushing through and then start bulging. It's almost kind of like hernia in your head.

54:19 Adam Yes, in the artery.

54:21 Drew Jesus, I should be a doctor. No. I could really explain things to my patients. Hey, Pops, you ever have a bicycle in your kid? Yeah, that's what's going on in your skull. And a trip to the filling station ain't going to fix it.

54:35 Caller It usually happens when I'm in the shower or when we're doing a doggie style.

54:39 Adam Well, be that as it may, it's something that needs evaluation.

54:42 Caller I have one more question. I'm also bipolar, manic, depressive.

54:46 Adam Are you on medication?

54:48 Caller I was on Depakote, but I called and asked if I could get it back, and they said that I have to have an episode before they treat me.

54:55 Adam Oh, that's it. Is that HMO or something? Yeah. That's really interesting. Do you have any other neurologic symptoms when you have these headaches and numbness, tingling, visual disturbances?

55:04 Caller I don't know. It hurts so bad, I can't move. I have to lay down and just wait until it goes away.

55:08 Adam Is your neck stiff when it happens?

55:10 Caller Yeah, my neck and the back of my head.

55:12 Adam You got it. Travis, you have to swear to me you're going to get this checked out.

55:16 Caller Yeah, I'll go tomorrow.

55:17 Adam All right. This is important.

55:18 Drew It is?

55:19 Adam Yeah. It's anger.

55:21 Drew It is?

55:21 Adam I'm sure of it. Why? I mean, until proven otherwise, that's what it is.

55:26 Drew Because of the stiffness in the neck and the severe pain.

55:28 Adam And the inability to move and the whole thing. That's real.

55:31 Drew That's a serious thing, right? Because what? You got to fix it?

55:36 Adam Well, sometimes. Not always.

55:38 Drew Really? Why not always?

55:39 Adam Depends where they are. Sometimes you can't.

55:42 Drew Yeah, but that just means you can't fix it. It doesn't mean you don't need to fix it. Hey, I want to get myself checked out. Whatever.

55:51 Adam Just a complete check out.

55:53 Drew Yeah. What about that?

55:55 Adam They have these head-to-toe scans now? Those health scans?

55:58 Drew Yeah. I mean, I'm talking about, see, if I got something growing in my brain, a finger in the ass.

56:04 Adam Yeah. The most important test will be the sigmoidoscopy.

56:07 Drew What's that one?

56:08 Adam The scope of the ass.

56:09 Drew Oh, no.

56:12 Adam It ain't going to be me.

56:14 Drew No, it ain't. Can I be put under for that?

56:18 Adam Maybe.

56:19 Drew Why do I got to be awake for everything? You know what I mean? Can I just admit I'm a pussy? Pull me to sleep and go ahead and drive the Cadillac up my ass while I'm asleep. I don't care. Do you know what I'm saying? Plus, forget about the pain, just the humiliating. I might got a lot of hair in my ass, Drew. That's not going to be comfortable for these guys. You know what I'm saying?

56:40 Adam No, it's going to be awful.

56:41 Drew I'm really going to have to tip them out. So what do I need? I mean, I want to do one of those things where they just, you know, they put you on the treadmill, they scan your brain. I mean, should you do that kind of thing?

56:53 Adam No, the brain scan, no.

56:55 Drew Well, but what's wrong? You know, I'm a big celebrity now.

56:58 Adam Because you can learn as much from a screening standpoint from a careful neurologic examination.

57:03 Drew Okay, but the point is, I've never had anything tested anyway, you know?

57:08 Adam I'll refer you.

57:09 Drew Set something up. What's that going to run? 50, 75 bucks?

57:12 Adam At least.

57:14 Drew Will I run on a treadmill and stuff? Yeah. Check my heart? What about lungs? Check that out?

57:20 Adam Vision, hearing, a little bit.

57:22 Drew Well, I don't have any problem with that.

57:23 Caller What do you check?

57:24 Drew What do they do? The x-ray your lungs?

57:27 Adam Potentially.

57:27 Drew A little capacity thing? You breathe into something? And then what's the deal with the ass probe?

57:34 Adam What's the deal with it?

57:35 Drew Yeah. How does that work?

57:36 Adam Somebody takes a big, long tube and grabs it up their ass and looks through it. About three feet. You have to take some animals and things before you do it.

57:47 Drew And they couldn't just take my word for it for what's up my ass? Listen, a lot of ass and some bowel. Listen, I'll tell you what I ate last night. I'll save you a trip.

57:59 Caller Okay.

58:00 Drew I said, I got to do that. Let's set that up. I want to check into that. But I swear to Christ, if they put that garden hose in my ass and don't find anything, I'm going to be pissed. You understand me?

58:10 Adam I hope they don't find anything.

58:12 Drew Well, I'd have mixed feelings about it. On one hand...

58:16 Adam I'm glad you did it.

58:16 Drew I'm glad they didn't. On the other hand, I just had 40 lineal feet of hose put up my ass for nothing. You know what I'm saying? Better yet, I paid some guy a couple hundred bucks to put the hose in my ass. I usually get paid for that. I mean, normally. Javier?

58:37 Yeah.

58:38 Drew You're 22.

58:39 Caller Yeah.

58:39 Drew What's up?

58:40 Caller Well, a couple years ago, I had sex for the very first time. Well, I'll tell you a little history. I grew up by myself. I didn't have a father. And I never really got taught on how to clean my penis. I have foreskin. Yeah. And the first time I had sex, it really hurt really bad. Where? My penis.

59:07 Drew Yeah. The foreskin part, right?

59:09 Caller Yeah. And I mean, it was tremendous. I tried not to show it to her.

59:14 Drew Sure. You got your game face on.

59:16 Caller You know, it's my first time. And I don't know what to expect.

59:20 Drew Yeah. Well, what do you call that? Stenosis?

59:23 Adam You mean a hurt as the head of the penis pushed through the foreskin?

59:26 Caller Yeah.

59:26 Adam Did it tear? Did it tear or rip?

59:29 Caller Um, no. But like the third or fourth time, it's like I came, but it was like pre-come. But the third or fourth time when I did come, it got like, it didn't come out. And it felt like it was in a little bubble underneath the bottom of my penis. And I was asleep. Woke up in the morning. Well, it was like early in the morning, like three, four o'clock in the morning. And it was like irritating. And it came, like it came out. Pressure was released. And when I got up and looked at it, it was clear. And then now after that, every time I have sex, it, it kind of hurts. All right.

1:00:15 Drew Hold on a second.

1:00:15 Caller It's real sensitive.

1:00:16 Drew Hold on. Javier describing what goes on with his penis is like, to me, you know when you take like a five-year-old to see like Snoopy on ice or something and then you talk to him, what happened? And then, and then this doggy came out, and then, and then Lucy, and then she, she was running after Snoopy. It's like, it's like you're trying to like piece the thing together.

1:00:46 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:00:48 Adam That was weird.

1:00:49 Drew It, the sperm came out, but it didn't come out. It went into a bubble in my ears, but then I fell asleep, but then it came out later. It's sort of like what he imagines is going on.

1:01:02 Adam Oh, yes.

1:01:04 Drew Yeah.

1:01:04 Adam And why is he over, why is he preoccupied this way?

1:01:08 Drew I don't know.

1:01:10 Caller Hold on.

1:01:12 Drew Javier, is your penis attached to you?

1:01:15 Adam Yes.

1:01:15 Drew It really seems like something you just see like every six months or something. You really, I've never met a man who knew less about his own penii than Javier.

1:01:27 Caller I never really cleaned it. I mean, I take the leak and never pulled it back.

1:01:32 Drew All right.

1:01:32 Adam You never pulled the foreskin back.

1:01:34 Caller I never pulled, I never really, I mean, I never did. I just thought that's the way it was.

1:01:39 Adam Interesting. This is the case in point for the people that argue that the foreskin sort of protects the head of the penis and makes it more sensitive, all this stuff. Here's a guy that's never seen the light of day. And guess what? When it comes out, it hurts.

1:01:50 Drew Yeah. Well, it's overly sensitive. Hey, Javier?

1:01:54 Caller Yeah.

1:01:55 Drew There's some maintenance involved with the foreskin. Not too much, but some.

1:02:00 Caller Now, I really know about it. You know, I try to take care of it. It's just really sensitive still.

1:02:06 Drew All right. You mean the head of your penis?

1:02:09 Caller Yeah.

1:02:10 Drew Yeah. All right. You know what you should do?

1:02:13 Caller What's that?

1:02:14 Drew Pull your foreskin back and just let it hang around for a while, you know, for an hour a day.

1:02:19 Adam Tape it back?

1:02:20 Drew Just pull it back. It'll kind of stay. Do that. Yeah, tape it back. Put one of those hefty bag twist tie things around.

1:02:30 Adam I don't care if we might do it.

1:02:31 Drew Oh, but listen, if the head of your penis is overly sensitive because it never sees a light a day, you got to expose it to the light a day. Maybe not 24 hours a day. Half hour a day. They're working it in a little. Javier's not masturbating enough. Javier, how much masturbating are you doing?

1:02:51 Caller I do, well, when I have sex and when I pull out, yeah, that's what I do.

1:02:58 Adam Javier, hold on a second. I believe that was a zero.

1:03:02 Drew Javier, did you go to high school?

1:03:05 Caller No, I just graduated about a year ago.

1:03:08 Drew From high school? You're 22?

1:03:11 Caller Yeah. Well, let's just say it was my GED.

1:03:15 Drew Okay. Well, okay. Javier, baby, you've got to read some books. Forget about that. Watch TV. Just do something. You need people to communicate with you. Now listen, Javier, you need to start masturbating. You understand what that is?

1:03:31 Caller Fully understand.

1:03:32 Drew All right. Please do that. It'll toughen that penis right up.

1:03:36 Caller Yeah, it just hurts.

1:03:38 Drew I understand. How it all works too. You got to start sort of, you have to rehab your penis. You know what I mean? Like, you get some surgery on your wrist or on your ankle or something. At a certain point, you got to kind of walk around a little on it, just to sort of flex it. And it may be a little tender, maybe a little painful, but you have to move it a little bit. Javier's penis is like, I picture him like taking a leak and reaching down with salad tongs or something. I'm like, that guy's 22 years old, he never touches his penis.

1:04:12 Adam He just pees his pants.

1:04:13 Drew I will take my penis off and put it under my pillow at night when I go to bed.

1:04:17 Adam Really? Detachable penis?

1:04:19 Drew Yeah. So the song was about you. The penis fairy comes by in at least a quarter. Natalie?

1:04:25 Yeah, hi Adam. Dr. Drew.

1:04:26 Drew You're 21, perky pants. What's up?

1:04:29 Caller Well first off, I wanted to say I've been watching your show on MTV and listening to you guys repetitively. You guys are great.

1:04:36 Drew Thank you.

1:04:36 Caller Okay. I've been seeing this girl for, I'd say probably a month or two. And she's at the point now where she's telling me she loves me and she wants to be with me and things like that. But whenever I want to spend time with her, make with her, she's just never around and wants to make time with me. You know, she's promising she's going to show up and things like that. You know, I know the girl's got issues.

1:04:59 Adam What are her issues from?

1:05:01 Caller Well, you know, first off, she's got a six-year-old daughter. She's living with a guy that's doing heroin. She needs to get out of that.

1:05:07 Adam That's her boyfriend?

1:05:08 Caller Well, no, this is a friend of her family. Okay. Well, she just gave her daughter back to her ex-boyfriend, you know, so she's working a lot and I understand that.

1:05:17 Adam Oh my God, gave her daughter back.

1:05:19 Drew Hey, Natalie. Whoa. This chick ain't lesbian because she's into coontang. She's a lesbian because somebody held her down and did something to her.

1:05:29 Caller No, we're both bisexual.

1:05:32 Drew Somebody still did something to her. Well, you understand? Both of you, screw balls. With your bisexuality. Please, come on. She's total chaos. She's not even bisexual. That's total chaos, too. Whatever, you know, any port in a storm.

1:05:49 Adam She gave, listen to that, she gave her daughter back to her ex-boyfriend. Just think of that statement.

1:05:55 Drew Yeah.

1:05:55 Adam The guy she's not involved with, she hands over her daughter?

1:05:57 Drew Natalie, this chick is a full-blown mess.

1:06:01 Caller Well, she had to give her daughter back to her ex-boyfriend because she's not going to have a place to live in within three or four weeks.

1:06:06 Adam She's going to the streets. Thank you for making. You're making a point for us.

1:06:09 Drew Thank you for making the mess point, or underscoring it. Now, what's up with you that you want to be with Miss Mess?

1:06:15 Caller Well, you know, I really care about her.

1:06:17 Drew Why?

1:06:18 Caller I don't know if I should just be there or if I should just be out of it.

1:06:20 Drew No, she's a mess.

1:06:22 Caller Obviously.

1:06:23 Drew And she doesn't, she's not into you because she's not into anybody. She doesn't know how to be. She can't be.

1:06:28 Adam She can't be.

1:06:29 Drew She should be sterilized.

1:06:31 Caller We've all got our stories of messes, too, so.

1:06:33 Adam Well, that's what Adam asked you about.

1:06:34 Drew I know you got a messy story, too, because all bisexuals were a mess at some point.

1:06:41 Caller That's true. That's true. I'll agree with that one. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. Because I've been a mess in my life, too, and I've just finally thought I got my head on shit.

1:06:49 Adam Okay. Well, maybe you're feeling okay, but nowhere does one's craziness come out more than in their choices of intimate relationships.

1:06:57 Caller Right.

1:06:57 Adam That's where you act out all the old leftover material, and here you are doing it.

1:07:01 Caller Yeah, that's true.

1:07:03 Adam So just be really careful. I would not say, hey, don't be a good friend to this person. She needs a good friend.

1:07:08 Drew Right.

1:07:08 Adam But don't watch your boundaries.

1:07:11 Drew And you're trying to get some consistency and some nurturing out of her. Forget it.

1:07:17 Caller Obviously, I haven't seen any either, so I think I'm just going to back out and stay away from it.

1:07:23 Drew See if you can be attracted to somebody who has something to give.

1:07:26 Caller That's true. That's true.

1:07:27 Drew All right, Natalie. All right.

1:07:29 Caller Well, thank you for your advice. It's great talking to you.

1:07:31 Adam All right, Natalie.

1:07:31 Drew Good luck.

1:07:32 Adam Take care of yourself.

1:07:33 Drew Thanks for accepting the truth so readily.

1:07:35 Caller Yeah, not a problem.

1:07:36 Drew All right. Usually fight us tooth and nail.

1:07:39 Adam She idealizes you and she was hanging on to that idealized notion of you too. Oh, really? Barely clinging to it. Wow. But you were about to fall from grace there.

1:07:47 Drew Jesus, Natalie was 21.

1:07:48 Adam Yeah.

1:07:49 Drew Did you get Natalie sounded like she's in her 40s?

1:07:51 Adam Yes. That's what I was thinking.

1:07:53 Drew People, it's funny, your voice becomes like a car that's been driven a lot.

1:08:00 Adam You just hear the engine.

1:08:01 Drew It's like your psyche. No, what I mean, wait a minute, I think I got a good fart coming off. Oh, it was anything like what I let in a girl's bathroom 10 minutes ago. Oh, come on, Drew, where are you going, brother? Get back over here. Yeah. My favorite part of life. Okay, listen, here's what I'm saying. You know, there's cars that are like five years old, except for some salesmen had them and drove them 44,000 miles a year. So even though they're five miles old, they have like 220,000 miles on it, and they look like they're just about ready to fall apart. That's what some of our callers remind me of. Twenty-one, but been to hell and back so many times that actually in their voice, you can hear, it's like an old voice. Yeah, it's got a lot of miles on it. It's not like, you know, went to prep school and just get ready to graduate college, live in a good life thing. They still sound like kids at 21.

1:09:06 Adam That's right.

1:09:07 Drew All right. Interesting. We'll take a break. I'm going to see if I can break some more wind during the break, and we'll be back.

1:09:14 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:09:46 Adam They really are smart.

1:09:47 Drew It is, yes, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That'd be Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Did I say we're going to talk to someone when we got back?

1:09:59 Adam No, you didn't.

1:09:59 Drew I didn't?

1:09:59 Adam But we're going to.

1:10:00 Drew When was that?

1:10:01 Caller Yesterday?

1:10:02 Adam Oh, why is Line 1 not working, please? Hold on a second.

1:10:05 Drew There we go.

1:10:06 Adam You let her go?

1:10:07 Drew Hello? Oh, well. Hey, caller.

1:10:11 Yeah.

1:10:11 Drew What's happening? How old are you?

1:10:13 I'm 16.

1:10:14 Drew What's your name?

1:10:16 Caller Ryan.

1:10:16 Drew All right, Ryan. What's up?

1:10:19 Caller Yeah.

1:10:20 There's this girl at school, right?

1:10:22 Drew Right.

1:10:23 Hello?

1:10:24 Adam This is why we have call screeners out.

1:10:25 Drew Oh, I guess so.

1:10:25 Adam This is a direct punch by accident.

1:10:27 Yeah.

1:10:27 Drew I didn't know I wasn't.

1:10:28 Adam Well, you better go quick. It's the once in a lifetime chance.

1:10:31 Drew Just ask your question, please.

1:10:32 Anyway, there's this girl at school, right?

1:10:34 Caller I like her a lot, but she's giving me mixed signals.

1:10:38 Adam A woman will not give you mixed signals if she really likes you a lot.

1:10:41 Drew That's right.

1:10:42 Adam That's it. She will hang out until you get your ass together enough to actually ask her out.

1:10:48 Caller Yeah.

1:10:48 Drew All right. Ryan?

1:10:50 Caller Yeah.

1:10:50 Drew She doesn't like you.

1:10:52 Adam Okay.

1:10:52 Drew All right.

1:10:53 Adam Well, that was easy. You accepted that pretty well.

1:10:55 Drew Well, I mean, everyone gives us that. She really likes me a lot, except for the part about every time I ask her out, she gives me some excuse why she doesn't want to go out. Right. This is something no one teaches you in school. For some reason, parents never tell you, and you just don't know when you're young. But, and I don't mean young 16, I mean 22, 23, sometimes. Understand, there's a certain bottom line in life. Your boss doesn't really love you and fire you. You know what I'm saying? The girl doesn't really dig you and not go out with you. When people dig you, when people like you, when people want to be around you, when people have feelings for you, they go way out of their way. As a matter of fact, if a chick really likes a guy and you say to them, this Saturday I got a couple of tickets to a concert or something, they'll bag on whatever other plans they had to go out with that guy. They absolutely will. If they're into it, they're into it. If they're not, they're not. You know they're not because you ain't going out with them Saturday night. That's it. The only way to salvage a little dignity at that point is don't ask them out anymore. That's it.

1:12:11 Adam You know, I was talking to, I did Dee Dee Pfeiffer on the webcast last night.

1:12:15 Drew Michelle Pfeiffer's sister.

1:12:16 Adam Yeah, she was great.

1:12:18 Drew What does she in? Like just the 10 of us or something?

1:12:22 Adam The way you are or something, the WB show.

1:12:24 Drew Where there's like 14 couples living in the same flat.

1:12:26 Adam Well, they were all on the TV show a while ago. I forget when.

1:12:29 Drew For Your Love.

1:12:30 Adam For Your Love, yeah.

1:12:30 Drew Jesus Christ. I swear to God, I can't remember my mom's name, but you know, I don't know where I pulled that one out of my ass.

1:12:37 Adam A year ago, you got it.

1:12:39 Drew Yeah.

1:12:39 Adam Anyway, we were talking about this very topic, and she goes, absolutely, that if a good way to do it, and you actually have come up with this idea, is to talk about like a movie.

1:12:47 Drew Right.

1:12:47 Adam And if she says she likes that movie, she's into it, that is a green light. Keep following down the trail of green lights.

1:12:55 Drew Yeah. And you know, guys think women are so confusing and send so many mixed signals. They really don't.

1:13:01 Adam The missed signals is when they're trying to evade you.

1:13:04 Drew The mixed signal is they don't want to go on a date with you, but they don't want to look you in the eye and say I'm not attracted to you.

1:13:09 Adam Right. They don't want to be unpleasant.

1:13:11 Drew They go, you know, I'm busy Saturday. Try me again next week.

1:13:15 Adam Yeah.

1:13:15 Drew And of course, magically.

1:13:17 Adam You do.

1:13:17 Drew And they don't. Jim?

1:13:20 Yeah.

1:13:20 Drew You're 20.

1:13:21 Caller I am.

1:13:21 Drew Then what's up?

1:13:23 Caller Well, quite a few things actually.

1:13:25 Drew All right.

1:13:26 Caller Nothing with myself. I just came out of like a two-year relationship. And we were very close. We lived together for some time. And before you guys get off on it, we both do have family history that you guys are just going to love. And so what I'm wondering now, we just broke up pretty much for the final and we've just cut it off. You know what I mean?

1:13:54 Adam Yeah.

1:13:55 Caller And so I was kind of wondering what I should do in terms of still being friends with this girl even though I'm still madly in love with her. You know how it goes.

1:14:08 Adam Wait six months, no communication till then.

1:14:11 Caller Is that right?

1:14:11 Adam Yeah, you're not going to get out of this otherwise. Who broke up?

1:14:15 Caller Is this Violent Femmes?

1:14:17 Adam No.

1:14:17 Drew No, that's Violent Drew.

1:14:19 Caller Oh, hey Violent Drew.

1:14:21 Drew She broke up with you, did she?

1:14:23 Caller Well we kind of mutually broke up.

1:14:24 Adam You got too hostile.

1:14:26 Drew You're madly in love with her. Why did you break up with her?

1:14:29 Caller I didn't. Well, because it was kind of, well, it was coming to that time, she... I don't know if you're...

1:14:33 Drew Coming to that time where she breaks up with you?

1:14:36 Caller No. No, more like that time when I kind of was able to tell that that she was not having much romantic interest in me and I still wanted to cling on to it, but she was wanting to go her own way.

1:14:54 Adam She broke up with you? Okay, fine.

1:14:56 Drew She was wanting to go her own way.

1:14:58 Adam Yeah.

1:14:59 Drew I love these mutual breakups.

1:15:00 Adam Can't people plant their feet on the ground and just...

1:15:02 Drew Just give a goddamn answer every once in a while. It's you're madly in love with her. She wanted to go her own way. She wanted to go her own way, but the decision to break up was mutual. Okay, please. Who are you talking to here? Here's the mutuality. Hey, I'm breaking up with you. Okay. That doesn't mean it's a mutual decision.

1:15:24 Caller Well, no.

1:15:25 Drew That means you didn't kill her and have sex with her corpse.

1:15:27 Caller All right. Well, she was wanting to have sex with girls is the whole problem.

1:15:31 Drew All right. Well, she's got some chaos, right?

1:15:34 Caller She is absolutely wrapped up in chaos.

1:15:36 Drew See if you can be attracted to someone who's a little less chaotic.

1:15:39 Caller Why might that be?

1:15:40 Drew Well, because then they wouldn't dump you for other chicks in the middle of a love affair. All right, Jim?

1:15:48 Adam That about sums it up, Jim.

1:15:50 Drew That is it.

1:15:51 Adam That's about right.

1:15:52 Drew All right. Let's hear something from the Violent Femmes, by the way, off of the Viva Wisconsin CD, which is out next week. This one is called Gone Daddy Gone. That was Gone Daddy Gone from the Violent Femmes, who are just a real breath of fresh air in the Loveline studio. Those two slugs just sat here for an hour and didn't say a goddamn word. But I still like that song. Hey, I like a xylophone. What can I say? That is off of, oh, forget it. I didn't plug in that CD. Where are we? James?

1:19:33 Yeah.

1:19:34 Drew You're 26.

1:19:35 Caller I sure am.

1:19:36 Drew What is up?

1:19:37 Caller I have problems reaching orgasm during sex. I can go forever. I outlast my girlfriends. And, I mean, they love it at first. But after a while, it gets pretty old.

1:19:51 Adam What's the problem?

1:19:54 Caller That's what I'm asking you.

1:19:56 Adam What is it you perceive to be the problem? Is there any sense of what's going on?

1:20:00 Caller Well, um...

1:20:01 Adam Is it that you cannot have an orgasm?

1:20:03 Caller No, I can when I masturbate.

1:20:05 Adam But not with a woman?

1:20:06 Caller But not with a woman.

1:20:08 Adam Any sense why?

1:20:10 Caller No. I'm having a great time. I get right up to the stage just before orgasm and I stay there.

1:20:18 Adam Right.

1:20:18 Caller Right. And I last longer than her natural lubrication, longer than when we use, like, wet stuff or Astroglide. And there's just no end in sight.

1:20:31 Adam You don't make an effort.

1:20:32 Caller Not when she has to stop.

1:20:35 Drew All right. How about oral sex?

1:20:38 Caller Love it. Oh, sorry. No.

1:20:44 Drew No orgasm with the oral sex either. All right. Let me see. Let me help you here.

1:20:49 Caller Okay.

1:20:49 Drew What position do you masturbate in?

1:20:54 Caller Lying face down on the bed using the, using my forearm.

1:20:58 Drew Oh, yes.

1:20:59 Adam Well, how do you do that?

1:21:01 Drew There's some kind of technique. What were you in, like a body cast at 14? How did you ever come up with that technique?

1:21:09 Caller I got a good imagination, I guess.

1:21:10 Adam What do you do with your forearm?

1:21:11 Drew I got a hell of imagination too. I still use my hand.

1:21:14 Adam I've got imagination. I can't figure what the hell he's talking about.

1:21:16 Caller Wrist against the base of my, for how long? Kind of a side to side motion with my arm.

1:21:23 Drew Okay. So it looks like you're having, someone walks in on you, it looks like you're having a seizure?

1:21:28 Caller I guess. No one walks in on me.

1:21:31 Drew All right. Hey James, let me explain what's going on with you and your penis.

1:21:37 Adam Okay.

1:21:37 Drew You have such a bizarre style of masturbation. The penis is, you're in such a position, the penis is in such a position, that the penis is completely confused by the vagina.

1:21:48 Adam How long does it take you when you're by yourself?

1:21:52 Caller Any amount of time I want, anywhere from ten minutes to...

1:21:54 Adam So he's the control of the ninja when he's in that weird condition.

1:21:57 Drew Well, hold on, hold on a second.

1:21:59 Caller I can like customize exactly how I want it to feel. I can orgasm like most people do it when masturbating too.

1:22:09 Drew Yeah. Doesn't that...

1:22:09 Caller I prefer my own method.

1:22:13 Drew Oh, you can go conventional?

1:22:14 Caller Yeah.

1:22:15 Drew Okay.

1:22:16 Adam What is the one called a conventional method by the way?

1:22:18 Drew That is just what you call standard.

1:22:21 Adam Which is the okay method?

1:22:23 Drew Yes, that's the standard. That's the okay method. That's the one that the Vatican approves, I think. And then what you got there on your belly, that's called goofy foot.

1:22:34 Caller Goofy foot, okay.

1:22:35 Drew Yeah, that's backside. And that's the one I think is getting you in trouble. All right, James.

1:22:40 Caller Yeah.

1:22:40 Drew All right, take my advice. If in, you want to have an orgasm with a woman, here's what you need to do. Get yourself a more conventional position, like on your back. Using your hand, get your penis used to being on your back.

1:22:58 Adam And train.

1:22:58 Drew Using your hand.

1:22:59 Adam Train, train, train, right?

1:23:00 Drew Then, when you're with a woman, put her on top of you, and it will be just like you're on your back using your hand. All right. You see what I'm saying?

1:23:10 Caller Yeah, I see what you're saying.

1:23:11 Drew All right. There you go. Here's a guy who can rub up against his wrist on his belly. And by the way, isn't that a disaster? Hey James, first off, isn't that kind of a mess? You know what I'm saying?

1:23:28 Caller Like on the sheets?

1:23:29 Drew Yeah. What do you do? Put the sports page down under you or?

1:23:32 Caller No, I got good aim. I turn over and it goes on my stomach. Then I go into the bathroom and clean up.

1:23:37 Drew After?

1:23:38 Caller Right before our orgasm. It's like pulling out and coming on the mat.

1:23:41 Drew Right. All right.

1:23:43 Caller Boy, baby.

1:23:44 Drew Okay.

1:23:45 Adam He's a ninja.

1:23:47 Drew I've just started to incorporate the bib technique that the Wheeze had stumbled on to many years ago.

1:23:53 Adam Wheeze, paper towel.

1:23:55 Drew I thought he was a fool, but now I'm not laughing so hard.

1:23:58 Adam Yeah. What is it, the bib technique?

1:24:01 Drew Well, the Wheeze.

1:24:03 Adam Very creative man, I understand.

1:24:04 Drew Yeah. When we were roommates, when he was ready to go to town, just so the town didn't land on him, he'd get a roll of paper towels or something. He'd spread it out. He'd get the whack bib going.

1:24:16 Adam Bib on himself?

1:24:17 Drew Yeah, the belly bib. I was always like, I'd always laugh at him.

1:24:25 Adam He'd do this in front of you?

1:24:26 Drew What are we, at the Red Lobster? Get rid of that bib.

1:24:28 Adam He'd do this in front of you?

1:24:29 Drew Well, it wasn't like he'd call me into the room, get on the PA system attention, I'm whacking off.

1:24:35 Adam Would he leave paraphernalia like Chris would afterwards? Would he leave his mark, as it were?

1:24:43 Drew No, he wouldn't. But I just knew that in a time or two, I saw him heading for the bib, and I just remember making fun of him. But now, I sort of realized the genius in the bib. You know what I'm saying? Then I'm older and I got more hair on me. The bib, I'm not laughing so hard at the bib anymore. Let me tell you, you start masturbating when you're 15 years old, your body's like, that semen's like liquid mercury. You stand up, it rolls right off you. You got nothing on you. Your belly's like hard and it's flat. Your belly button's not too deep. It's not that big five gallon reservoir that is when you're older. And you don't have hair everywhere grabbing everything. I'm like a Velcro ball now. I got semen in me. God knows. I mean, really, if someone scraped my belly, they'd probably get some semen from like 79, 80. Sure. You know what I'm saying? When you're a kid, you just got that smooth, hard stomach and that outy belly button going. It's no problem. You get a little older. You got to go for the bib. You know what I'm saying? I hear you. Okay. We're going to take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Steve. He's 28. Girlfriend wanted a break. While apart, he met an internet girlfriend. Now old girlfriend is back. Let's know how to deal with this. We'll tell them how after this.

1:26:11 Loveline will be right back.

1:26:41 Drew Well, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Let's hop back on the phones here. Steve?

1:26:49 Caller Yeah.

1:26:50 Drew Your girlfriend wanted a break.

1:26:52 Caller Uh-huh.

1:26:53 Drew While you were apart, you met someone on the internet?

1:26:56 Caller Yeah.

1:26:57 Drew Is she your new girlfriend now?

1:26:59 Caller Well, we're just talking right now, but we're, I guess, making plans to meet. And then all of a sudden, my ex came back in the picture, and now I'm talking to my ex again. But at the same time, I'm talking to the other girl.

1:27:13 Adam So you think you better make a choice here?

1:27:15 Caller Yeah. That's what I'm having a hard time with. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

1:27:20 Adam Why did you and your ex break up?

1:27:22 Caller She said she needed space and time.

1:27:24 Adam Did you want to break up with her?

1:27:26 Caller Was that?

1:27:26 Adam Did you want to break up with her?

1:27:27 Caller No, I didn't.

1:27:28 Adam Not at all?

1:27:29 Caller Not at all.

1:27:29 Adam So you want her back?

1:27:32 Caller Part of me does, but I mean, I met the other girl on the internet, and I develop feelings for her now, and so I don't know what to do.

1:27:37 Adam You don't know who the hell she is, do you?

1:27:42 Caller No, not really. Really?

1:27:43 Adam It's just a fantasy.

1:27:44 Drew You never met her?

1:27:46 Caller No, I haven't.

1:27:47 Adam How far away does she live from you?

1:27:49 Caller Probably in another state.

1:27:50 Adam Oh, Steve, please.

1:27:51 Drew What's up, baby? Have you seen pictures of her?

1:27:54 Caller Yeah, she sent me pictures.

1:27:59 Drew Anderson, what the? Our engineer Anderson has a problem with his sleeve or something. The corner of my eye catches his arm flying up in the air all the time, and I think he's signaling me for something.

1:28:10 Adam What's the name for that? It's called Hemi-Belismus.

1:28:12 Drew Really? It's like, what is it? Like a Hitler Youth or something over there. What is going on? Keep those arms down. All right. He wears a lot of flashy jewelry, like a fishing lure, catches my eye. All right. So, Steve, boy, you got a nice fantasy worked up about this internet check.

1:28:35 Caller Pretty much.

1:28:36 Drew Yeah.

1:28:37 Adam How good can your reality be if you build such a case for somebody you don't even know?

1:28:42 Caller Well, aside from just chatting in the chat rooms, we've talked over the phone and shared a lot of, I guess, stories, personal stories. And I don't know, it seemed like some click between me and her.

1:28:52 Drew All right. Well, that's your woman.

1:28:54 Adam Yeah. I don't see how you can maintain a relationship with somebody in another state.

1:28:57 Drew When are you going to visit her?

1:28:59 Caller Next week.

1:29:00 Drew What state are you in?

1:29:02 Caller California.

1:29:03 Drew What state is she in?

1:29:04 Caller Arizona.

1:29:05 Drew Do you have means? Can you buy a plane ticket once in a while?

1:29:10 Caller Yeah, a plane ticket.

1:29:11 Adam You can afford that?

1:29:12 Caller What was that?

1:29:13 Adam You can afford that?

1:29:14 Caller Yeah.

1:29:15 Adam Regular, to have a plane ticket.

1:29:16 Drew Couple times a month?

1:29:18 Caller Oh, just to meet her, just for a week.

1:29:20 Drew Yeah, I know you can pony up $65 to go on Southwest. But, I mean, if this thing turns into a relationship, you're going to have to go out there, you know? You're going to have to go back and forth a little bit.

1:29:30 Caller So, what would you suggest?

1:29:32 Drew Hey, you're 28. What do you do for a living?

1:29:35 Caller I work full-time customer service.

1:29:38 Drew Where?

1:29:40 Caller At department store. All right.

1:29:42 Drew Steve, why don't you meet a gal in California? It just makes...

1:29:48 Adam You're not in California. You're in town.

1:29:51 Drew Yeah, you're in town. That's right.

1:29:53 Adam My point is a little bit big too.

1:29:55 Drew Well, that would still be a step in the right direction. Although, I imagine you probably get to Arizona faster and you get to certain parts of California depending on where you live.

1:30:04 Adam Right?

1:30:07 Drew Where the hell are we? Chris?

1:30:09 Caller Yeah.

1:30:10 Drew You're 29. What's up?

1:30:12 Caller Well, I've been in a relationship with a girl for about six years. Two years into our relationship, we started having anal sex. It was just constantly and I really enjoyed it. I'm not gay or anything, but I really enjoyed it.

1:30:30 Drew Right.

1:30:31 Caller Now, I'm in a new relationship and this new girl, I was still good on good terms with my other girl, but my new girl doesn't want to have anal sex.

1:30:45 Adam Can you accept that even if you were able to coerce her into it, it might not be as enjoyable or gratifying?

1:30:50 Drew Well, for her.

1:30:51 Adam Because she's not going to be into it, the way your other girlfriend was?

1:30:54 Caller Yeah. The last girl I had, she really enjoyed it.

1:30:58 Adam Well, this one's not going to.

1:31:00 Caller No. I really enjoyed it.

1:31:02 Adam Right. Well, this one's not going to.

1:31:04 Drew Well, maybe you can talk her into it.

1:31:06 Adam And she still won't enjoy it.

1:31:07 Drew She'll be pissed off. Yeah.

1:31:09 Adam That's not what he's looking for, though.

1:31:11 Caller I mean, she doesn't even want to experiment.

1:31:14 Drew Right.

1:31:14 Adam Why did you break up with the other girlfriend?

1:31:17 Caller She moved out of town, found a new guy, you know. I mean, we were on and off together. We had problems. We're still on good terms.

1:31:26 Drew Okay. But not anal terms.

1:31:29 Caller No, but no.

1:31:31 Drew All right. Well, Chris, here's what's going to happen. If you bug this chick about the butt love, she's going to end up getting pissed off and resenting you. So this may be something that you had in the past, but you're not going to have in the present. You know what I'm saying?

1:31:47 Caller Wow. Okay.

1:31:48 Drew Yeah. And stop obsessing over it.

1:31:51 Caller Does this mean I'm gay or anything?

1:31:53 Drew Yes. Absolutely. Boy, 29 years old. Where do you get that? Ah, Drew, quiet down. Let me pile her for the recall. Michelle? 19. Last two times you had sex and you started crying.

1:32:10 Adam Yeah.

1:32:10 Caller Well, actually it wasn't the last two times, but the last time, yeah.

1:32:14 Drew Right. Okay. Did the guy want his money back?

1:32:17 Adam What was it? Something going wrong in the relationship?

1:32:19 Caller No, not like that. It's just, you know, a guy I've been seeing.

1:32:23 Adam Something going wrong in the relationship?

1:32:25 Drew Something freaky with daddy. What's up with daddy?

1:32:27 Caller No, actually no.

1:32:28 Drew Daddy's good?

1:32:29 Caller Pardon me?

1:32:30 Drew Daddy's good?

1:32:31 Caller Oh yeah, he's fine.

1:32:32 Drew Are you near your period?

1:32:33 Caller No.

1:32:34 Adam Are you losing your sense of closeness to this guy?

1:32:37 Caller No.

1:32:38 Drew All right, then it's fine.

1:32:39 Caller Actually, he's a little closer to him.

1:32:40 Drew Then you just started crying. Maybe tears of joy. Jessica?

1:32:44 Yeah.

1:32:44 Drew You're 17.

1:32:46 Caller Yeah.

1:32:46 Drew You've been with 25 guys? Uh-uh. Oh baby.

1:32:50 Caller Okay. My problem is that I know I screwed up and I admit like everything I've done wrong.

1:32:58 Drew Okay. That's all right. Hey Jessica, we're just about out of time. Here's what I want to say. I know you want to fix your reputation in school. You're 17. You'll graduate soon. Just go to a new school when you graduate and don't get the reputation start over there. The best way to fix it is to stop doing what you're doing, by the way. You don't have to talk to people about it. And you got to look into some stuff because you got some issues here, Jessica, right? All right. Look into that and stop acting out, okay?

1:33:27 Caller All right.

1:33:27 Drew Thank you. We'll take a break.

1:33:58 Caller All right.

1:34:00 Drew It is Loveline. That is it. It was Loveline. Tommy Lee is going to be in here with his new band on Sunday. I want to thank Lisa for doing a great job all week. I want to thank engineer Anderson for doing a wonderful job except for the spastic shoulder syndrome he has, where his arms go flying up all the time in the herky-jerky fashion that gets my attention. I want to again give the props to producer Ann, who gave birth to two bouncing babies. I told my people to give her flowers. You sent her flowers?

1:34:33 Adam Oh, Adam. My God.

1:34:34 Drew I got the wrong number yesterday. I worked all day today.

1:34:38 Adam Lisa, you sent flowers on behalf of Adam, please.

1:34:40 Drew Thank you. I'll give you my credit card.

1:34:41 Caller Is that cool?

1:34:43 All right.

1:34:43 Drew So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:49 This has been Loveline. The views expressed on Loveline are not necessarily those of the staff, the management, or the sponsors of this radio station. And you're probably not the views of Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkin Zingal. Now, please listen to this station longer.

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Thursday, November 18, 1999