Episode 1000754887719

5:03 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

5:10 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

5:12 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

5:14 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

5:16 Voiceover Loveline.

5:18 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. All right, tonight from the big hit movie Road Trip, DJ Qualls is here. He is the, well, I didn't see the movie, but I have seen many a commercial that I'm guessing was based on the movie. And how would you describe your character so that people listening who've seen it or who've at least seen the commercial like me can know which one you are?

5:56 DJ Qualls I'm the tall skinny kid who gets it on with the big chick.

5:58 Adam Yeah, the big black chick.

5:59 DJ Qualls That's right.

6:00 Adam Now, the thing that was funny, we've never met before and I was looking through the bio here, Drew, and DJ Qualls. Well, I see the DJ in front of anything, I think black. That's usually how it goes. So sometimes I try to figure out someone's race just sort of based on their nickname or what movies they're in or what they go by. So I'm looking down the thing here. Hey, Drew. Yeah.

6:27 Drew I'm listening to him.

6:28 Adam You want to just keep reading?

6:29 Drew I'm just having coffee.

6:31 Adam Just reading a book.

6:33 Drew Adam, unlike you, I can multitask.

6:36 Adam You think you can multitask, you jackass, just like you think you can work on that computer while we're doing the show. Let's go. Then everyone I talk to goes, hey, why was Drew so present the other night? I go, because he left his computer in his car.

6:49 Drew Relax, get going.

6:50 Adam All right. But do you understand that you're reading stuff when we're doing a radio show and I'm trying to engage you as a bad radio?

6:57 Drew I'm looking at a picture.

6:59 Adam But I'm saying, hey, Drew, over here, now you're reading the book. Come on. Don't give me that crap. Come on, you're reading the back. You're reading the jacket.

7:07 Drew Let's go.

7:08 Adam Let's go. Now forget it now.

7:10 Drew All right, all right, all right.

7:11 Adam Okay. You know what I'm talking about.

7:13 Drew Let's go.

7:14 Adam Let's go where?

7:16 Drew Whatever you were saying, go on.

7:17 All right.

7:19 Adam Forget it now.

7:21 Drew The show's over, DJ. Adam's in a bad mood.

7:23 DJ Qualls Well, thanks a lot.

7:24 Drew I had a good time. He deflated his grandiosity and now it's over. Well, I'm not black. By looking down, I'll mind you. Looking down.

7:32 Adam Reading, Drew.

7:33 Drew Thank you. Thank you.

7:35 Adam Start over. Let's go. That means we're going home.

7:38 What do you mean?

7:40 Adam Please.

7:41 All right.

7:43 Adam All right, Drew. You know what I'm talking about. Looking down. Don't play stupid. You're reading. All right. Where was I?

7:50 DJ Qualls I'm black.

7:50 Adam That's right. That's right. I'm reading the bio over here and it says I'm trying to figure out what color DJ is. So far, I'm about seventy five twenty five on the black because we haven't met before. And he's got the DJ in there and I'm reading the bio and it says he'll next be seen in the black comedy thriller Cherry Falls. So now I'm about eighty five, ninety percent black. And now I keep reading. And it says his previous credits include the television projects. Mama Flores Family, the miniseries based on the book by Alex Haley. Now I'm over a hundred percent black. I'm waiting for two black guys to come. I'm waiting for Purple to come in here.

8:31 Drew But you're not even thinking white. I mean, it doesn't even occur to you.

8:34 Adam Well, not with the black comedy and which probably isn't a black comedy. It may just be a dark comedy. And then but then doing the doing the miniseries based on the Alex Haley book.

8:46 DJ Qualls Yeah, it was all black cast and me.

8:49 Adam Well, you got to understand when this DJ when this arrives before you do, people are going black. Is that all right?

8:58 DJ Qualls That's fine.

8:59 Adam Do you get that a lot?

9:00 DJ Qualls No, that was actually the first time, but I'll be aware of it from now on.

9:03 Adam I think they think it. They just don't say anything. All right. So I was also reading that you were born out here. It was at Tennessee.

9:11 DJ Qualls Yeah, Tennessee.

9:12 Adam And then where it was educated University of London.

9:16 DJ Qualls Yeah.

9:16 Adam Which by the way went from 75 black down to 65 black. I slid back with the University of London, but then came back up again with the black comedy. And why?

9:25 DJ Qualls Why not? I mean, I didn't want to work in a casket factory, which was the big industry in my town. So I left.

9:33 Adam Oh, really?

9:34 DJ Qualls Yeah.

9:34 Drew But why London?

9:36 DJ Qualls I applied and I get in. I mean, why not?

9:38 Adam Right out of high school?

9:39 DJ Qualls Yeah.

9:40 Drew And wait a minute, wait a minute. Somebody had to suggest it. The average person.

9:46 Adam Average guy from Casketville, Tennessee does not.

9:49 DJ Qualls Well, I guess I'm not your average guy then.

9:52 Drew Where did you first hear about it?

9:54 DJ Qualls I think, I can't even remember. I remember my guidance council told me that my scores are good enough to get a full scholarship to our community college. And I didn't want to do that.

10:02 Adam Full scholarship to community college? A retard gets a full free ride. Let me tell you the difference between full tuition and a free ride. Eight bucks a quarter. Thanks. We'll throw in a peachy folder.

10:17 DJ Qualls I don't know. It just looked interesting to me. I looked through a book of colleges and I just sent it in just on a whim and they offered me money and so I went.

10:26 Adam Wow.

10:26 Drew So you're just looking through a book.

10:28 Adam And you studied performing, acting?

10:31 DJ Qualls No, I studied English literature. Thought I was going to be a lawyer.

10:34 Adam I see. I had that same dream too up until last week.

10:38 Drew Any particular stage of English literature, history?

10:42 DJ Qualls I studied it all. I studied actually a lot of Chaucer, a lot of Middle English, really boring kind of stuff.

10:47 Drew Sir Gawain.

10:48 DJ Qualls Right. And then I was discovered in local theater in Nashville about a year ago.

10:52 Adam All right, Drew, let's not overdo it with the interest of the show. I'd like to continue.

10:55 DJ Qualls Let's talk about sex.

10:57 Adam Cancer Survivor, I also read on the thing. What kind of cancer do you have?

11:01 DJ Qualls Hodgkin's disease.

11:03 Adam Yeah, that's, is that, now, I know a guy who had Hodgkin's, he had a big scar right down the middle of his chest.

11:09 Drew That's a different kind.

11:11 Adam Which one? You got the same one? Yeah, that's where he had it. Right down the belly.

11:15 DJ Qualls They take your spleen out.

11:17 Adam It's like he had a C-section or something. Is Hodgkin's something, it's a younger cancer, is it a cancer that younger people get?

11:24 Drew Absolutely.

11:25 Adam Can you get Hodgkin's when you're 75?

11:27 Drew Yeah, it's a little bit different type. There's different types of Hodgkin's.

11:30 Adam So, you're good?

11:31 DJ Qualls Yeah, I'm good.

11:31 Adam And what about, of course, Tom Green just had the cancer. Did he have it and not know it when you guys were filming Road Trip?

11:41 DJ Qualls Yeah, actually, I think I had mine for a couple of years and didn't know it.

11:45 Adam And so, Green must have been walking around with it while you guys were filming this.

11:49 Drew How did yours present, finally?

11:51 DJ Qualls My lymph nodes in my neck were swollen. I felt fine, though. I felt completely fine. I was diagnosed with mono, actually, and I was just staying at home getting sicker and sicker, and then finally they told me that I was sick and that I need to go to the hospital.

12:03 Drew Interesting.

12:03 DJ Qualls Yeah.

12:04 Drew There's a classic Hodgkin's, I think it's Hodgkin's, symptom, the lymph nodes hurt when you drink alcohol.

12:10 DJ Qualls Well, I was like 14.

12:11 Drew Yeah.

12:12 Adam Yeah. He's from Tennessee, so he's drinking that grain stuff that comes in the cider jug.

12:18 DJ Qualls I didn't have night sweats, but I did drink the grain stuff, like being from Tennessee.

12:21 Adam Really?

12:22 DJ Qualls Yeah, you get it pretty young.

12:23 Adam Oh, what a life you've carved out for yourself.

12:25 DJ Qualls Yeah, so I'm waiting for the incest questions. I'm going to be good with those, being from the South.

12:28 Adam No, but I just like the idea where the big industry in your town was casket making.

12:32 DJ Qualls Yeah, my dad actually works there. All of the fixtures in our kitchen cabinets are like little casket knobs.

12:38 Adam All the poles and knobs and things?

12:39 DJ Qualls Yeah.

12:40 Drew Oh my God.

12:41 Adam That's nice. So if you die, they can just fold the kitchen up around you, throw you in the ground. Do you know much about caskets?

12:51 DJ Qualls I've taken the tour.

12:53 Adam Because as a carpenter and a woodworker, it always seems a shame to either burn or bury such nice mahogany often times. Some of that stuff is really ornate, really nice, a lot of craftsmanship in that stuff. Must set you back a couple of grand for one of the good ones.

13:08 DJ Qualls They cost about $2,000 to $3,000. They're really good ones, too.

13:11 Adam Oh man. And now when they cremate you, do they slide you out of the casket or do they slide that whole casket?

13:18 DJ Qualls No, they burn you in a box, actually. I think it's illegal for them to not burn you in a box.

13:21 Adam They got to put you in like a pine box.

13:23 DJ Qualls Yeah, like a regular wood box. Yeah.

13:25 Adam Yeah. Not the... My family, everyone's in the Neptune Society. You know what that is?

13:30 DJ Qualls Where they dump you in the ocean?

13:31 Adam Yeah, they just toss you over. And you know...

13:34 Drew Burn you and dump you in there.

13:35 Adam Well, for an extra $15 bucks, they'll burn you, but my family figured, why bother? Let's just roll them off the back of the ship. Tie a rock to them. Let the sand sharks get them. Maria, you're 20.

13:48 Caller Yeah.

13:49 Adam What's up?

13:50 Caller I've been with my boyfriend for four months, and about two weeks ago, his ex-girlfriend came and told him that she's five months pregnant with his kid.

14:00 Drew And how long has he supposedly been away from her?

14:02 Caller They broke up in January.

14:04 Adam Uh-huh. So it could be his kid?

14:07 Caller Yeah.

14:08 Adam What do you think? You think it is?

14:10 Caller I don't even know her. From what he's told me, he says that she cheated on him a lot. And so I have my doubts.

14:19 Adam Yeah. What kind of guy is he?

14:20 Caller He's okay.

14:23 Drew Did he cheat on her by going out with you?

14:25 Caller No. Uh-uh. They have been broken up for a couple weeks before we started seeing each other.

14:30 Adam I see. And what's he do for a living?

14:35 Caller He has been...

14:36 Adam He works at an earn foundry?

14:39 Caller No. His dad owns a gas station in town.

14:42 Drew Oh, Adam.

14:44 Adam Yeah, but not this town. He's probably a nice guy, right?

14:47 Caller He's assistant. He's been assistant manager there for about three years now.

14:50 Adam I see. So he's got the world by the tail. And so what do you think? I mean, you gonna trust him? You gonna believe him?

15:00 Caller Well, it just slips me out. I just can't believe it.

15:04 Adam Well, if you really think about it, does it make a... You guys will be broken up by the time she gives birth anyway. You know what I'm saying?

15:13 Caller You really think so?

15:14 Adam Well, probably, knowing your two track records.

15:16 Drew How old is he?

15:18 Caller He's 23.

15:19 DJ Qualls How long have you been going out?

15:20 Caller For about four months.

15:22 Adam Yeah. All right. So here's all you can do. All you can do is try to sort of put it out of your mind and tell the birth. And if you guys are still together, then he's gonna have to get a DNA test and we'll see. And then if it is, well, then he'll give her a few bucks and go over there on the weekends. I mean, I don't think it's gonna impact you.

15:43 Caller Really?

15:44 Adam Well, you know what I mean?

15:45 Drew Maybe she'd give the child up for adoption.

15:47 Adam Yeah, that'd be nice.

15:48 Caller Well, I've suggested that and I guess he got her pregnant once before.

15:53 Drew Oh boy.

15:54 They were together for three years.

15:55 Adam Yeah.

15:56 Caller He got her pregnant once before and she didn't want to keep it.

15:59 DJ Qualls Right, so obviously he's not using a condom, right?

16:02 Caller He doesn't have the best track record for Safe Sex, no.

16:05 DJ Qualls Right, we need to watch that, too.

16:07 Caller Oh, I'm, no, I have never and will never have unprotected sex, never, ever.

16:13 Adam You won't?

16:14 Caller No.

16:15 Adam Not after what happened?

16:18 Caller I've been on the pill for four or five years now.

16:22 Adam Okay. All right.

16:23 Caller I'm completely fine.

16:24 Adam All right, well Maria, you're just going to, time will tell.

16:27 Caller I don't know how I should react to this.

16:30 Adam Well, there's not that much, should you what?

16:33 Caller Should I break up with him because of this?

16:35 Adam No, you don't even know if it's his kid. Probably is, but you don't know.

16:39 Caller He says he's got a pretty good feeling it is, and she says it is.

16:42 Drew But you would break up because you just don't want to deal with this?

16:46 Caller Well, just because it's not, I don't want to interfere. I mean, I don't think that it's right to bring a child into this world with two parents that are separated, and that's not the right situation.

17:02 Adam All right, but you think they're going to get back together?

17:04 Caller He says that they're not. He says there's no way in hell.

17:08 Adam All right.

17:09 Caller But I have a feeling that if I wasn't here-

17:11 Adam Maria, just, you know, we rarely say this, but just hang out for a little while and see where it goes.

17:16 Caller Okay.

17:17 Adam And don't do too much thinking.

17:19 Drew Yeah.

17:19 Caller All right?

17:20 Adam You got a few months.

17:21 Caller Okay.

17:21 Adam Meteor could hit the planet in the next six weeks. You know what I'm saying? You want to be in someone's arms, all right?

17:27 Caller That's true.

17:28 Adam Right. All right. Yeah, well. That's kind of freaky. You meet someone, you're getting into them pretty good, and then all of a sudden, someone shows up with part of them in their belly. And what do you do?

17:39 Drew But isn't there a sort of phase in the early part of a relationship, particularly in people at that age, when stuff shows up? Yeah. That's that sort of phase, right? When is the previous life still creeping in?

17:48 Adam Yeah. Yeah, it's the worst part.

17:51 Drew In fact, you've been that creeping in.

17:53 Adam I've been that creeping in?

17:54 Drew Yeah. Going looking for your baseball mitts and things like that? Yeah.

17:58 Adam Well, it's your job to creep into your ex's life just when things are going good, because Lord knows the person you're with has an ex who's going to creep into your relationship. It's the circle of life. You've got to keep it going. You'd be dropping the ball if you didn't creep in. Tina? Tina. Caller goes by the name of Tina. It's 25. Fine. Chris? You're 28.

18:21 Caller 28 years old.

18:22 Adam What's up?

18:24 I wanted to ask Drew, actually.

18:27 Caller I'm an intravenous drug user. Basically, I'm just on maintenance, you know? I've got myself well enough so I can go to work and do all that stuff. I've tried kicking a few times. I want to know if there's any treatment facilities that I can maybe get into that don't require payment or insurance or anything because I don't got insurance.

18:54 Drew Where do you live?

18:56 Caller I live in Cucamonga, actually.

18:57 Drew Let's hear it out here in Los Angeles area.

19:02 Caller Or Upland, you know.

19:03 Drew Yeah, let me just think of somebody out there.

19:04 Adam By the way, is that Rancho Cucamonga? Is there any just Cucamonga?

19:12 Caller Not that I know of.

19:12 Adam No. You think they could drop the Rancho?

19:15 Drew I think they added the Rancho.

19:16 Caller No, that's the old Bugs Bunny.

19:17 Adam Is it going to be Cucamonga?

19:19 Drew Right, but he didn't say Rancho Cucamonga.

19:21 Caller No, Cucamonga, you just say it's Cucamonga.

19:23 Adam Yeah, but how confusing is it going to be to people, if there's no Rancho in front of it?

19:28 Caller I don't know how to... I think they could figure it out.

19:31 Drew Yeah. Well, Loma Linda out that way has substance abuse treatment, and I don't know if they may have a county-funded facility there. You can certainly go to an NA program, just walk in...

19:43 Caller Right, but it's just the kicking part, you know?

19:45 Drew Well, again...

19:45 Caller It's brutal to get through.

19:46 Drew It is brutal to get through, and I personally... I don't detox people as an outpatient from heroin because it just never works, but if you were able to organize the right structure with people from the program, maybe they know a physician who's willing to do an outpatient detox, it wouldn't cost much.

20:01 Caller Yeah.

20:02 Adam All right, Chris?

20:02 Caller All righty.

20:03 Drew But check with Loveline, I think that's where it starts.

20:05 Caller Okay, cool, thanks.

20:06 Adam Hey, that's where Dr. Bruce hangs, is that me?

20:09 Drew He sure does.

20:10 Adam Oh, man. You see Ichabod Crane in a lab coat, herky-jerky, his way down the hall, you'll say hi to Dr. Bruce.

20:20 Just be nice.

20:22 Adam He called me the other day.

20:24 Drew Oh, no kidding.

20:25 Adam Yeah, you know, Bruce, Bruce is, I guess a friend of Drew's who fills in for him on occasion, who's just almost spastic, you know. Great guy, great guy, and a good doctor, but man, I see why Drew has him fill in for him.

20:39 He's coming in Thursday.

20:40 Adam Oh, Christ. Now he's going to give it to me. The point is, is Bruce, you know, Bruce will call and have these bizarre scenarios and situations and outings minutes before it's time to go. He'll leave a message on my phone machine at like noon on a Friday saying, hey, a buddy of mine's bought a helicopter. He's taken off out of Van Nuys in about 45 minutes. I want to know if you want to go check out San Fernando Valley with me. I'm like, what do you think the odds are I'm going to be home on Friday at noon, pick up the phone?

21:17 Drew Friday at noon, when have you ever picked up the phone?

21:19 Adam No, I don't pick the phone up when I'm at home. Yeah, even if I was home, I wouldn't pick it up. John?

21:24 Caller Yeah, how are you?

21:25 Adam You're 23, what's up?

21:26 Caller Yeah, I just wanted to say, Dr. Drew, I love you, man.

21:29 Drew Nice, John, what's going on?

21:30 Caller I'm your coolest hell.

21:31 Adam Thank you. Well, what's up?

21:33 Caller Me and my girlfriend had a threesome, like, two nights ago, and, like, I have this other girl that's getting on me, and, like, wants to, like, join in, and I don't know. I'm getting, like, all confused about it, and you know how it is.

21:46 Drew I'm confused because I didn't quite get what he said. What happened last night?

21:50 Adam John, you got to turn your radio down back there. Could you do that, please? I think he had a threesome.

21:56 Drew But then he said there's another one getting on him.

21:58 Adam I think that was the third of the threesome. John?

22:01 Caller Yeah.

22:02 Adam Yeah, so what happened now?

22:04 Caller Me and my girlfriend had a threesome, okay? And, like, I have this other girl that's talking to me that found out, like, they were talking about it, and, like, they want, they, she, like, wants to join in, and, like, I'm getting all confused about it, and, like, my girlfriend wants to do it, but I don't seem, it doesn't seem right.

22:23 Drew I don't know what to do about it. So, John, this would be a second one with a different third person.

22:27 Adam Or a foursome.

22:28 Caller Yeah.

22:29 Drew Is that right?

22:29 Yeah.

22:30 Drew And how's it affecting you?

22:32 Adam How was the first threesome?

22:33 Caller Yeah, I liked it. It was pretty cool.

22:36 Adam Yeah, it was a stupid question. I was miserable and in pain the entire time. Of course, you liked it.

22:42 Drew What has that done to your relationship with your girlfriend?

22:43 Adam Oh, who cares?

22:47 Caller She seems to enjoy it, but it's like she likes the female more.

22:51 Drew Yeah.

22:52 Adam Were you having...

22:53 Caller And she's like getting all...

22:55 Adam Hello, thank you. Yeah, she's all mad at me. Yeah, did you have sex with the other one too?

23:00 Caller Yeah.

23:00 Adam In front of your girlfriend?

23:01 Drew Listen, there's really only one reason a woman would be okay with a threesome with a partner whom she was involved with.

23:08 Adam Yeah.

23:09 Drew You know what that... Are you thinking about what the reason would be?

23:13 Adam I'll give you a couple. A, she wants out of the relationship.

23:15 Drew All right. It's just sabotaging.

23:16 Adam It just wants to get out.

23:17 Drew There are three. Yeah, there are three.

23:18 DJ Qualls Or she's a lesbian.

23:19 Drew That's the one I'm looking for.

23:20 Adam B, lesbian and doesn't really want to admit it, so this is her only chance to be with a woman in a sort of safe environment. Or C, it's just incredibly effed up in just acting out.

23:31 Drew Those are the three. In this one, it's lesbian.

23:33 Adam Which one is it, John? You think lesbian?

23:37 Caller Yeah.

23:39 Adam It doesn't matter what I said or what I said.

23:42 Caller Like we were at a club the other day, and there were these two girls talking, and they were talking about lesbian stuff, and she just popped right in and started getting the conversation.

23:52 Adam Okay, John, don't get her pregnant.

23:55 Caller I'm not going to. I'm using protection.

23:58 Adam You are? Yes. There you go.

24:01 Caller Use the condom, the ring, the morning after everything.

24:04 Adam Use everything. I want you to eat one of those morning after pills too.

24:07 Caller All right.

24:08 Adam Because it's not going to go on forever, and you don't want that. Listen, everybody, you know what the kid is for many of our callers and listeners? It's like the manifestation of something that should have lasted six weeks lasting forever. It's as if I used to work at McDonald's, okay? It was the world's crampiest place, the world's crampiest job. $2.35 an hour or something. I worked there for, yes, that is right. I worked there for about five weeks when I was in high school before I was smart enough to quit. I hated that job. Time to lean, time to clean. Hey, Ken, if you're listening, the manager, kiss my hairy ass, you bastard. They used to make us get in our uniforms before we punched in. You couldn't just walk in and punch in. You had to go down the basement, get in your crappy uniform, and then punch in. But here's the point, that job sucked. That was a horrible job. And of course it sucks. It's McDonald's. That's fine. If I had to go back to that job twice a week for the rest of my life or another 18 years, I would kill myself. And that's what it's tantamount to, maybe even more. It's like I'm 16 and a half, 17 years old. I got the world's crappiest job. But at some point, I get to flip a coin. And that flip a coin is like, well, you can go on an extended lunch break and eat for free if it's heads. But tails, you got to come back two or three times a week for another 18 years and work for free, no matter where you are, no matter what you're doing. That's what that is. Think about that. Use the McDonald's analogy, if you like.

25:42 Drew Always, always.

25:43 Adam I think it'll drive the point home a little better. I would kill myself. I would have just, I would have taken a spatula and driven it through my liver if I landed on heads. DJ Qualls is here. He is from Road Trip, which was that the number one movie last week?

25:58 DJ Qualls No, it opens this week.

25:59 Oh, yeah.

26:00 Adam I thought it came out already.

26:02 DJ Qualls I'm going to crush everybody.

26:03 Adam Didn't that come out?

26:04 DJ Qualls No.

26:05 Adam Hey, you know, my buddy.

26:06 DJ Qualls It was a sneak preview last week.

26:07 Adam Oh, is that what it was? Well, how does, but that's not coming out?

26:11 Drew No, it doesn't get ratings until they release it.

26:14 Adam Yeah, but now my partner, the Emmy Award-winning Jimmy Kimmel.

26:18 DJ Qualls Jimmy Kimmel.

26:19 Adam Yeah, he did the voice of the dog in the movie.

26:21 Drew Right.

26:22 Adam And I don't know what that point is, but that part is, but I hear it's amusing.

26:28 DJ Qualls Yeah, he steals the show.

26:29 Adam Does he?

26:29 DJ Qualls Yeah.

26:30 Adam Son of a bitch. The point is, is he went to the premiere last week, but that wasn't a sneak preview. I think that was like a premiere.

26:38 DJ Qualls No, the premiere was like last Thursday, and they showed it last Friday to like 15 cities.

26:43 Adam Oh, I see. All right, all right. So I'm not such an idiot for thinking you came out. Thank you. Thank you very much. About that. Thank you. All right. Thanks for isolating that. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll come back and we'll do more after this. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. DJ Qualls is here tonight from Road Trip, which was the number one sneak preview movie of last week. What's that thing coming out, Friday?

27:47 DJ Qualls Yeah, Friday, tomorrow.

27:48 Adam Oh yeah, it's tomorrow.

27:49 DJ Qualls Yeah.

27:50 Adam Yeah, that's gonna be the number one movie.

27:53 DJ Qualls Yeah, it's gonna crush everybody.

27:54 Adam I'm trying to think, I'm doing, I'm on Politically Incorrect tonight, if any of you kiddies wanna watch, and I'm supposed to do Killborn tomorrow with somebody from Road Trip. Some very hot babe, I was told, but...

28:07 DJ Qualls I think it's Amy Smart.

28:09 Adam Oh, is that Amy Smart? Yeah, yeah. I think we met, we had Amy Smart on this show. Let's just say yes and...

28:16 Drew Sounds familiar.

28:17 Adam So we don't make asses of ourselves, all right? All right. What the hell were we talking about here, Drew? Oh, for Christ's sake, Drew and I have to go, I gotta get out of this, watch a videotape on sexual harassment tomorrow. Oh, you, you mother effing attorneys just need to all kill, just jump off the same bridge and sue yourselves on the way down. Would you please? This drives me insane. They have this videotape, it's like a, I don't know, 45 minute or one hour presentation and God only knows what kind of crap this is gonna be. That's gonna teach us not how to sexually harass people in the workplace. Meanwhile, let me explain the workplace. I sit here and make jack-off jokes for two hours. That's the workplace. Obviously, what I'm doing is a violation of what's gonna be on that tape right now. I'd get fired if I didn't do what was on that tape. You know what I mean? I have to go against the tape or I'm not doing my job.

29:17 Drew But you don't abuse the employees, see?

29:19 Adam Yeah, but listen.

29:20 Drew Except me.

29:20 Adam I've been here for five years, I haven't goose-ed anyone yet. I haven't?

29:25 Drew Think about it.

29:25 Adam Who have I goose-ed? They've had it coming. They've liked it.

29:29 Drew That's what you said when you came after me.

29:31 Adam Please, Drew. What we do on the road is between two consenting adults. Has nothing to do with K-Rock, the mother station out here. We don't even go in there anymore. We're off at Westwood 1 over there. Who the hell are we going to harass? For Christ's sake. The thing is, we told them, hey, send the tape over here. We'll just watch it over here before the show. No, the tape can't leave the building.

29:54 DJ Qualls You have to sign some form after you read it saying that you understand what's going on with it. I had to do that before.

29:59 Adam It's just one, life is just turning into one big goddamn formality. Just a signing junk you don't read, looking at stuff you don't care about. You know, and they know you don't care either. They know you haven't read it. They know you're not paying attention when you're watching it. And that doesn't matter. It gets to the point where the comedy of it is nobody cares. The guys who work at the radio station don't care whether you absorb it or not. They don't care if you read the document before you sign it. The people who put the tape out don't care if you look at it. The people at Mandate, the tape needs to be put out. Don't care either. Nobody cares.

30:36 Drew People who are being sexually abused don't care.

30:39 Adam That's right. I'd like to violate someone with that goddamn tape. That's what I'd like to do. Push that thing right up someone's ass. That's a good plan. Wouldn't that be ironic? Wouldn't that be great in court? What did he use to violate you? He used a sexual harassment training video to violate me, Your Honor. I hope it was beta. No. Oh, the tragedy. Oh, Drew, I'm not going over there tomorrow. You can go and tell me all about it, all right? And what about taking a stand against that kind of stuff? But what about?

31:13 Drew Why cave? Choose your battles wisely, really. I know I end up seeing it anyway, and I want to have time for it, and it will be much worse.

31:19 Adam But, okay, wouldn't this be a utopia if every time one of those crappy formality videos came down the pike, if we all said no. All the employees said no. And A, if you want us all not to show up Monday, fine. We're not watching it collectively.

31:37 DJ Qualls It's like state law though, right? Isn't it like a state law or something?

31:40 Drew It's some sort of significant law.

31:41 Adam What if everyone just took a little stand, and tried to win just a little back from some of these A-hole attorneys? Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't it be great if everyone could get together and say, screw it, we're not watching it, send a little message? Let's do that, Drew. What do you say? Let's do it.

31:57 Drew Everyone's already seen it.

31:59 Adam Listen, I'm not watching it. I'm taking a stand. I get canned, I don't care. I don't care anyway. Tyler?

32:05 Yeah.

32:06 Adam You're 15.

32:07 Caller Yeah.

32:07 Adam What's up?

32:08 Caller I wanted to know if acid shows up on UA.

32:11 Drew It's hard to detect. It wouldn't be something routinely caught.

32:14 Adam Boy. That's a bad sign when you're 15 and you're calling urine analysis. UA. Yeah.

32:23 DJ Qualls I didn't even know what that was.

32:27 Drew Urine tox?

32:28 Adam Yeah. My PO asked for UA.

32:31 Caller Well, I have to take them twice a week. Well, I had a party and I had a friend that spilled a bunch and didn't tell anybody. My parents found it and they tripped out. I have to take them twice a week now.

32:44 Drew In the meantime, you're doing acid.

32:47 Caller I've never done acid, but I wanted to try it this weekend.

32:50 Adam Right.

32:51 Drew Oh, boy.

32:52 Caller I was just worried about it being in my system and my parents found it.

32:54 Drew Man, is this a backfire? So he gets forced into using drugs that are more neurotoxic, more dangerous, going to hurt him possibly the rest of his life.

33:02 Adam Do your folks administer the urine analysis?

33:05 Caller Yeah, the doctor gave my mom like 10 cups and my mom, her work is right next to the doctor's office.

33:13 Adam I see.

33:14 Caller Goes in there and drops them off.

33:15 Adam Oh, my God.

33:17 DJ Qualls Is it true that you can take acid and then never come back? Like it could really screw up your mind so bad that you can't ever function right again?

33:25 Drew A big dose will do that to you quite nicely, but usually a single dose does not do anything like that.

33:30 Adam All right. Tyler, what's your mom do?

33:35 Caller She works as an AT&T assistant.

33:39 Adam I see. And your dad?

33:41 Caller He's concrete.

33:43 Adam Oh, really?

33:44 Caller Yeah.

33:44 Adam Masonry guy. And they're getting into these drug tests for you. You can't just look you in the eye kind of thing and ask you a question.

33:52 Drew You know, using substance or addiction, the only test for addiction is urine tox. That's the only way to objectify whether or not the disease is active or not.

34:01 Adam Well, what do you mean? You mean whether you're doing it or not?

34:04 Drew That's it. Well, that's the disease activity. I mean, it's the only test you have.

34:09 Adam And so what's going to show up in that? Marijuana?

34:13 Drew Everything except acid, basically. Marijuana, cocaine, speed, opiates.

34:16 Adam Coke and speed will come out of your system pretty quick, won't they?

34:19 Drew Yes, acid will too.

34:21 Adam I mean, if you did coke two days before, would it show up?

34:24 DJ Qualls No.

34:25 Adam Hey, what are you supposed to do, be doing the blow while you're peeing into the cup?

34:28 Drew Think about all these people that get nailed on drug screening at work. They can't stop the night before.

34:35 Adam Yeah, but isn't that always pot?

34:36 Drew It's usually pot.

34:37 Adam They're always talking about pot, aren't they?

34:39 Drew It's usually pot.

34:40 Adam Yeah, because you blow what, two days?

34:43 Drew Out?

34:44 Adam Yeah.

34:44 Drew Could be eight to 12 hours.

34:46 Adam And what about acid?

34:48 Drew What do you think? Hours.

34:50 Adam Yeah, that bum you're high, though, if you had to take a urine test while you're trying to get off acid.

34:54 Drew You'd freak out so bad like that.

34:56 Adam And what about something like mushrooms? Does that even show up?

35:00 Drew No.

35:00 Adam Speed? What do you think?

35:01 Drew Speed, yeah. Speed, a little longer, maybe there, too.

35:04 Adam All right. Noted. Mark? Yeah. You're 30.

35:08 Caller Yeah.

35:09 Adam What's up?

35:10 Caller My question is for the good doctor.

35:12 DJ Qualls Yeah.

35:13 Caller I'm asthmatic. And just the question is this. Why would speed, crystal, meth, whatever you wish to call it open me up? Wilst, the cocaine family plugs me up big time. Huh?

35:31 Drew Well, how are you doing the drugs?

35:33 Caller Nasal.

35:34 Drew Nasally.

35:34 Adam So you snort coke and you get all screwed up.

35:39 Caller Yeah.

35:39 Caller Yeah. I usually have to hit an inhaler and stuff like that.

35:42 Adam Right.

35:42 Caller Yeah.

35:43 Adam You get all wheezy? Yeah.

35:44 Caller What happens is the alveoli in the lungs, there's too much mucus on them and they constrict. Restricting really what asthma is, is it restricts air flow out of the lungs. You can get air in but you can't get it out. So it makes breathing difficult.

35:57 Adam I see.

35:58 Yep.

35:58 DJ Qualls So you're having problems breathing and you're snorting things in your nose. Is that what you're saying?

36:02 Yeah. Yeah.

36:03 DJ Qualls Okay.

36:03 Adam Well, you can't just fart the air out like I do.

36:06 Drew Stimulants in general, I'm sure you're aware, Mark, the kinds of inhalers you use and whatnots cause it raise your heart rate, right? Right.

36:16 Caller I'm just on light albuterol.

36:17 Drew That's fine. Have you ever had bad asthmatic attacks, say, when you were a kid, that they gave you epinephrine?

36:22 Caller I've had epinephrine and adrenaline probably on the world over a hundred times.

36:26 Drew Emphetamine is a close relative. It has epinephrine-like effects.

36:30 Caller Cool.

36:30 Drew So, systemically, you can understand how it might have, at least initially, some opening of the airways.

36:36 Caller Okay.

36:36 Drew Cocaine is really a very different compound. It does have those, what are called, sympathomimetic activities as well. But there's a lot else going on with cocaine. And it probably stimulates some of the mucus production, I bet you.

36:49 Adam Hey, Mark?

36:50 Caller Yeah?

36:50 Adam I'd like to suggest a sensible compromise in speedball. Just mix the Coke.

36:56 Caller What, good enough for count Blue Sheep, good enough for me?

36:58 Adam Yeah, mix the Coke with the speed. Why, that sounds fine. You wanna do the Coke, it clogs you up. The speed seems to free up, but you don't enjoy that as much. You do a speedball, and everyone's happy.

37:10 Caller Yeah, but, you know, I think I'll take a pass on that.

37:13 Adam Pass me. Okay.

37:15 Caller I'll just do him solo.

37:17 Adam I see. All right. Okay. It's your life, buddy. I'm trying to help. You're calling the show. Well, all right. Willie?

37:27 Yes, sir.

37:27 Adam You're 19? Yep. What is up?

37:30 Caller Well, I've been with my girlfriend for three years, and we have a daughter together, and she wasn't a virgin when I married her, and I was, and that kind of shooed me up.

37:45 Adam Yeah.

37:45 Caller We fight a lot about it. Yeah.

37:47 Drew Why? What is the feeling?

37:49 Caller Jealousy, hurt, betrayal.

37:51 Drew Well, you're jealous, meaning she did something that you didn't?

37:55 Caller Yes, sir.

37:56 Drew So you want to go explore?

37:58 Caller Excuse me?

37:59 Drew You want to kind of experiment?

38:01 Caller No, I don't want to experiment. It's just that something that I have.

38:04 Adam Yeah.

38:05 Caller It hurts me.

38:05 Adam That's a 19-year-old guy thing.

38:07 Drew Yeah.

38:08 Caller Yeah.

38:08 Adam Don't worry. It'll be out of your system about 13 years.

38:13 Drew 16 years.

38:13 Adam 16 years. Well, now listen, Willie.

38:17 Caller Yeah.

38:19 Adam Most guys have the, I'm trying to think of the right word, but the discomfort of having to go through this situation. They do, and we've all been through it. Let me tell you something. You could have nailed 100 chicks and she could have screwed one guy, you'd still be pissed.

38:39 Caller Exactly.

38:40 Adam You'd still be looking for it. You'd still be trying to make a case. Now, the fact that you were a virgin when you got together and she was with somebody or a couple people or whatever she was with, it's just twisting the knife that much more. But don't worry. She could have been a virgin, given a guy a hand job, you could have screwed half of North America, and you'd still feel like you were slighted.

39:03 Drew Yeah.

39:04 Adam What happens when you're 19 and a male?

39:06 Drew But some of that is the 19-year-old energy, but also Willie's building a case.

39:10 Adam Right.

39:11 Drew Something going on here.

39:12 Caller Yeah.

39:12 Adam Willie, why are you building a case against her? You know what I'm saying?

39:18 Caller Well, she kind of gets to tell us, I'm her ex-girlfriend, and I throw that at her, you know?

39:22 Adam Yeah.

39:22 Caller You were a virgin, you know?

39:24 Adam Yeah. I know, but I know that's what's going on. But you know what we say when we say building a case?

39:30 Caller No.

39:32 Adam It's like you're trying to come up with reasons in your head to fight and why you two shouldn't be together. You know what I'm saying? And you got to get past that.

39:43 Drew Or get more real with what you're doing.

39:45 Caller That's your thing.

39:45 Adam You guys are together, you're in love, you have a child. Fine. How many guys was she with?

39:52 Caller This one.

39:53 Adam One guy. Please. God knows. I haven't dated a woman in years, been with less than 10, 15 guys.

40:03 Drew And by the way, isn't.

40:06 Adam What?

40:07 Drew You really want that to be known about some of the people.

40:10 Adam I don't care.

40:13 Drew Everyone has. People I consider my friends.

40:17 Adam Well, what the hell? You're a woman, you're in your 20s, early 30s.

40:22 Drew I mean, let's face it that that and also in this day and age, aren't women sort of given one pass, one sort of buy?

40:28 Adam Yeah. Yeah. She was with a buy guy. No, please. That's nothing credit.

40:33 Drew They're given a credit that.

40:34 Adam Yeah, there you go. Okay. Hey, Willie, you want to keep building the case. Go ahead. Go right ahead.

40:41 Drew Got a kid there.

40:42 Adam Break it up.

40:42 Drew Why don't you start building the case in the positive direction? Let's start looking at the positive. You really need to change your attitude, change your thinking about this relationship and find a reason to commit yourself to it and learn how to put these things away.

40:54 Adam This is why males at the 19 should not get married. Way too much of that energy. You can see him. He's looking through the yearbook. He's seeing the guy's picture. He's, oh, look at the prom picture. Oh, look at that. You know what I mean? God, he used to have so much energy in that department. Now it's, I don't care. Like the guy, ex-boyfriend, be banging my girlfriend right in front of me. I wouldn't care.

41:15 Drew I'm like, who was that guy that cared so much?

41:17 Adam What happened to him? Yeah, he's long gone. Now I'm just waiting to die. I'm waiting for the Grim Reaper. Now, what if the Grim Reaper ironically nails one of my girlfriends? Interesting. Puts that sickle to work. Shannon? The Grim Reaper, yeah. Hey, bang away. Take your time, Mr. Reaper.

41:38 Drew Would you like some M&Ms?

41:41 Adam What's up there, Shannon?

41:43 DJ Qualls Nothing. Just telling, how are you guys?

41:45 Adam Good. Fantastic. The reason we called was the following. What do you want?

41:51 DJ Qualls Yeah. Hi. This question is for Drew. Yeah. I'm having really bad problems with my parents, and it started a couple months ago when we moved from California to here, which is Colorado. It was doing really well in California, and then we moved here and it got really stressful. Why? I have no idea. I think it's because the move affected most of it, but then after that, things went pretty much downhill from there where we were always getting into big fights and stuff, and then I ran away a couple months after we were here.

42:25 Drew Were they hitting you?

42:27 DJ Qualls No. Well, I was hit when I was a little girl. I know that much.

42:31 Drew What context? What happened? What happened when you were a little girl?

42:35 DJ Qualls Well, when I was five or six, my mom and dad, I was the first of three children. So I pretty much got the full blow of my parents learning how to hold on or raise children. So I got not really majorly beat up, but I was thrown around a lot. I had stuff thrown at me. I was kicked and stuff.

43:01 Drew Oh my goodness.

43:02 Adam A little light kicking is perfectly normal and perfectly healthy in a healthy rearing, isn't it? Just some kicking?

43:10 DJ Qualls Yeah, a little bit, not too much.

43:12 Drew Well, that's where the running away stuff comes from.

43:15 DJ Qualls I think so, I'm not too sure.

43:17 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah.

43:18 DJ Qualls Anyway, but the funny thing is when I ran away, I went to live with a friend and I lived there for three months and within those three months, me and my parents got along great because we weren't around each other.

43:30 DJ Qualls How old are you now?

43:31 DJ Qualls I'm 17.

43:32 DJ Qualls That's kind of natural though, right? When you get into that age, you start fighting with your parents. You want independence, but you're living at home.

43:38 DJ Qualls Yeah, but it's just weird because most of my other friends, they fight, but they don't fight as bad as me and my parents.

43:43 Adam All right.

43:44 DJ Qualls We get in a big fight.

43:45 Adam Okay, calm down. You're going to make a man very miserable one day. What grade are you in?

43:52 DJ Qualls Oh, I'm not currently in school.

43:54 Adam Imagine the fights that's going to go on with the husband. You're not in school.

43:58 DJ Qualls Fine.

43:58 DJ Qualls I'm trying to get back in. I'm trying to get back in.

44:00 Adam When are you going to be 18?

44:04 DJ Qualls Next year. I just turned 17.

44:06 Drew What is your question?

44:08 DJ Qualls My question is, I want to know if there's any way possible that I could do something or that we could do something to help the relationship. Because I really don't want to be fighting with my parents.

44:20 Adam All right. I'm going to tell you how to do it because we got to go to break. I'm going to do it for about 30 seconds.

44:25 DJ Qualls All right.

44:25 Adam Just bite your lips, sit on your hands. Don't start up with them. You little troublemaker. Yes, your parents are a pain in the ass, but even pains in the ass can't fight if you don't go along with them.

44:36 DJ Qualls True.

44:36 Well, I did that tonight.

44:38 Drew Just go back.

44:40 Adam Just listen. Be like Gandhi. I want you to wear a diaper around that apartment. Listen, you don't know it, but you're a pain in the ass.

44:50 DJ Qualls Thanks.

44:51 Adam Go to school, re-enlist or re-enroll or whatever you do in school.

44:56 DJ Qualls I'm on a waiting list right now.

44:57 Adam All right. I don't want to explore that. Go back to school.

45:03 Drew Go away to college.

45:04 Adam Go back to school, stay in school all day, then go to soccer practice or softball practice after school all until the early evening, then come home and eat and go to your room and do homework.

45:15 Drew And listen to you guys?

45:16 Adam And listen to us and don't get into it with your folks. Believe me, listen, if you want to avoid fighting, you can do it. Just don't go home. I know it sounds stupid. Just go to school all day and hang out with your friends and do all that junk. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. DJ Qualls is here from Road Trip out tomorrow, everybody, and we'll be back after this.

45:40 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

45:43 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. He is Dr. Drew over there. DJ Qualls is here tonight from Road Trip. I heard you stole the movie, actually, DJ. That's what producer Ann told us.

46:30 Drew That's a weird hurt. You said something very disparaging about yourself. There was a Mercy casting.

46:35 DJ Qualls Yeah, it was actually.

46:36 Drew Why? What does that mean?

46:37 DJ Qualls Because basically, they had a whole bunch of names lined up for the parts, and they came to Atlanta and cast me on location. I had done nothing substantial before that.

46:47 Drew Yeah, but that's not a Mercy. That may be very complimentary. People consider that. I'm confused.

46:54 DJ Qualls I don't know. Basically, it doesn't happen like that normally. Normally, you have a whole bunch of really high-powered agents, and I had a small town agent.

47:04 Adam You have a pretty big role in the movie, right?

47:06 DJ Qualls Yeah, I auditioned for one line, though, like a one line part.

47:09 Adam And they gave me the big role.

47:10 DJ Qualls Yeah.

47:11 Adam Yeah, it's just the opposite of what happens to me.

47:14 Drew Oh, but you don't audition, of course.

47:15 Adam That's right.

47:16 Drew You walk in and say, Hey, everybody, kiss my ass. Oh.

47:18 DJ Qualls Right.

47:19 Drew Why did I get the role?

47:20 DJ Qualls I tried that a couple of times. It doesn't work very well.

47:22 Adam Kiss my ass, you idiots. I did. I tell you, I have the really rare distinction of being the only William Morris client who has been repeatedly called by casting agents and with complaints of abuse. Abuse.

47:39 DJ Qualls William Morris was the first agency to turn me down.

47:41 Adam Oh, those idiots. Good. I hope they're all rolling over in the graves over there. And listen, all you casting agents can kiss my ass, you bastards. I hate all of you. Big pains in the ass. You sit back there and everyone sits around for an hour and does nothing. We wait for your highness to come out of his crap room over there so you can cast your judgment upon us. Kiss my ass, all you in advance. Listen, all of you, all of you, what the hell? Yeah, that's right. I'll make more money than I did last year and I'll make more the next year too without all you screwballs. I'll make my own goddamn movie. Speaking of my own goddamn movie, we were, funny, we had a, Ivan Reitman is doing this movie, right?

48:26 DJ Qualls Yeah.

48:27 Adam And we had a meeting with Ivan Reitman about, it was about three, four months ago now.

48:32 Drew He told you to kiss his ass.

48:33 Adam No, he did not. He's a very nice man that Ivan Reitman. Oh yeah, he did yell at us. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, that's true. Well, that was in our second meeting when we had done nothing between the first meeting and the second meeting, but that was a little confusion. But we had a meeting with Ivan Reitman and it was about four months ago when me and my partner Jimmy and he said, what kind of movie you guys want to do? And we said, we want to do a road trip movie. And literally said road trip, two guys, like a, like a dumb and dumber type of thing. Oh no. But I would have said dumb and dumber to them because it made money.

49:07 Drew Trade planes, that'll do it.

49:08 Adam I was thinking, I was saying like an old Bob Hope being Crosby, you know, the old buddy, Road Filth, like they used to do. And we could do a whole series of them, old road trip movies. And all the guys just sat there and looked at us and went like, I don't think that's going to work. And we were like, why wouldn't it work? It's a road trip. They're buddies. It's like the old Hope and Crosby. And they're like, no, no, let's come to another idea. And then a few months later, I started seeing the road trip signs. And I thought, well, that's why it wasn't going to work. They already did one. I wish they'd just told us that already did one. But I don't know. Maybe they didn't want to let it out of the bag or something. Drew?

49:44 Caller Yeah.

49:45 Adam Caller Drew, who's 13.

49:48 Caller Yeah.

49:49 Adam Your penis is seven to eight inches long.

49:51 Caller Yeah. I was wondering if that's too big, because my peers, we always compare them.

49:58 Caller They're like around five and stuff.

50:01 Drew You get erections and compare or you measure and compare?

50:04 Caller Erections.

50:05 Adam Well, here's what they do. They get an erection, they go tip to tip with them, then they measure scrotum to scrotum, and then they deduct. You see if it's like 13 inches, what they'll do is they'll figure out where it ends and his begins. They'll deduct that mark from it.

50:22 Drew I see.

50:23 Adam You'll see who has the line share of the penis.

50:25 Drew Carpenter's move.

50:26 Adam Yeah. I've done this many, many times.

50:28 Drew All right, Drew.

50:29 Adam All right, Drew.

50:29 Drew You're fine now. The question is, will you continue to grow or not, and time will tell.

50:34 Adam All right, Drew.

50:34 DJ Qualls Can your penis be too big though?

50:36 Drew I don't know. It depends on your partner, I guess.

50:39 Adam All right, Drew. All right. There you go, buddy. You got a big penis now.

50:42 Drew We get much more complaints about too big than too little on this show. Really?

50:45 Adam I'm the big boy. No, we really don't get that many big complaints.

50:51 Drew Much more about too big than too little.

50:55 Adam Yeah, but I don't want to go too far with that argument. I mean, you know what I mean?

51:00 Drew Well, we get the complaints, whether or not that's-

51:01 DJ Qualls I mean, too big would have to be really big though, right? Or maybe the girl is not producing enough lubrication or something like that.

51:06 Drew Or anatomy, just the disproportion.

51:09 Adam That's right. All right, but we got to take a break, but we're going to get into this.

51:13 Drew Let's continue the discussion during the commercial, okay?

51:14 Adam We'll talk about, no, we'll talk about when we come back and during the commercial.

51:17 Drew All right.

52:06 Adam This is Dr. Grew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. DJ Qualls is here tonight. He is from Road Trip, out tomorrow. And you can find me on Politically Incorrect later on tonight from the Famous Playboy Mansion.

52:21 Drew So what did you say? Since I'm not gonna say it, what did you say that was so funny?

52:24 Adam On what?

52:24 Drew PI.

52:26 Adam Nothing.

52:27 Drew Was it a good experience for you?

52:28 Adam Yeah, I was pretty funny. Okay. They're always very happy and surprised. I was just doing my thing.

52:38 Drew It was a hard environment, right?

52:40 Adam You know, Drew did it the first night, and I've been hearing reports all week that the show just sucked from the Playboy Mansion.

52:49 Drew It didn't just suck.

52:50 Adam That's what I've been hearing. Everyone tells me it sucks. And it's ironic because you go there for sweeps week, and everyone comes back with, hey, it sucked. But apparently, Drew did it the first night, and I did it the second night, and they taped all the shows in a couple of days, and you did like the first show.

53:09 Drew Show one, episode one.

53:11 Adam You did show one.

53:12 Drew Night one.

53:12 Adam That aired Monday, and I did show four, obviously, because it's going to air tonight, Thursday. So by the time they got to show four, I'd imagine that they'd ironed out a few kinks, although I was in it. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, same ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. And maybe that's why it was ironed out.

53:34 Drew It was an interesting idea. It was a pretty beautiful environment.

53:37 Adam It looked great.

53:37 Drew Yeah, it looked great on the camera.

53:38 Adam Yeah, and we'll just find out about that. We were just talking to DJ Qualls here about penis size, and did we finish that conversation?

53:50 Drew We did off the air, but I think we brought up some points I think are worthy of mention, which is that I don't like to argue for the small penis too much because I think it makes people think I have a small penis. Which you do.

54:00 Adam Well, I wouldn't call it small. It's a little bigger than average, but average is small.

54:07 Drew Average.

54:09 Adam That's the problem. Average is like 5.3 or something now, isn't it?

54:14 Drew Tiny.

54:15 DJ Qualls Yeah, that's too small.

54:16 Adam Yeah. If a woman sees a penis that's 5.3, she doesn't think that's average. She thinks that's a little bit on the small side.

54:23 Drew Yeah. Yeah. But you did make a point that that was valid, was that most women would want a male who airs on the large side of the curve.

54:32 Adam I said to Drew and DJ during the break that most women, given the choice of having a slightly larger penis or slightly smaller penis for their partner, would go with the slightly larger penis.

54:46 Drew Not the very larger, but the slightly larger.

54:47 Adam Slightly larger. A big novelty penis can cause some pain down the road.

54:52 Drew What we were saying before the break was that more women call about too big on this show than too little because there's something to complain about. It's really too, too big, not the kind of too big that they complain about.

55:04 Adam Drew is making that point vehemently, but this is why I'd make one hell of an attorney. I told him that people who are with a guy with a small penis, don't call in and complain because what is there a complaint about? They're not being hurt and they know they can't grow the guy's penis. What are you going to do? And you guys got to double down on the oral sex because that's what they really want anyway. Thank you. Cecilia?

55:26 Yes.

55:27 Adam You're 23?

55:28 Caller Yes.

55:28 Adam What's up?

55:29 Caller Well, I'm like embarrassed because I haven't told anybody that I wanted to tell somebody. Yesterday my friend came over really late and I had a lesbian experience with a girl and I felt very, very weird.

55:46 Drew What do you feel?

55:47 Caller I don't know. I just don't feel happy. I don't know. I just think it was wrong.

55:53 Drew Why did you do it?

55:54 Caller I don't know. I felt lonely.

55:56 Adam Yeah.

55:56 Drew Well, okay.

55:57 Adam All right. Are you religious?

55:59 Caller No, not really.

56:00 Drew Is this a good friend of yours?

56:01 Caller I believe in God. I just don't have a religion center me.

56:03 Drew Is this a good friend of yours?

56:05 Caller Yeah, she was.

56:06 Drew Is she still going to be a friend?

56:08 Caller I don't know.

56:09 Drew Did you know that she was a lesbian?

56:11 Caller Kind of. I knew she was more towards the other side, but I didn't.

56:17 Drew It's a common thing that people do, which is if they feel alone and they feel sort of disconnected, they'll try to connect with somebody through sex, and it doesn't work all that way. You end up confused or feeling less good about yourself, less valuable.

56:30 Adam What did you do with her?

56:31 Caller Well, I don't want to say that.

56:36 Adam Did you do everything?

56:37 Caller No. Well, I didn't.

56:39 Adam Oh, she did.

56:40 Caller Mostly her, yeah.

56:41 Adam Yeah, I don't make you a lesbian.

56:43 Caller And then like, I don't know, because every time I date guys, you know, I'm not, I don't think I'm like, that it's not that I can't date a guy. It's just every time they try to get close to me, I just start not calling, returning their phone calls or pushing away.

56:57 Drew So, what's that about?

56:58 Caller I don't know.

56:58 Adam Well, that's the bigger issue.

57:00 Drew Yeah, that's the problem.

57:01 Adam Where's your dad?

57:02 Caller My dad, he's here. My dad, he's here.

57:06 Adam You live at home?

57:07 Caller Yeah.

57:07 Adam You're 23?

57:08 Caller Yeah, I just moved back in, actually, because I'm going back to school.

57:11 Adam I see.

57:12 Caller I have a son.

57:14 Adam I see. You like your dad?

57:17 Caller My dad? He's a good dad.

57:19 Adam What?

57:19 Drew Has he always been?

57:21 Caller Yeah, but he just never showed any affection.

57:24 Adam I see. That's starting to make sense. Where's the father of your son?

57:28 Caller I left him.

57:30 Adam Why?

57:30 Caller Because he went to jail.

57:32 Adam I see. Is that you leaving him, or is that him being carted off in a paddy wagon?

57:36 Caller No, I left, well, because he, when I was pregnant, he went to jail and I had the baby. I had a newborn baby and he just left me. So I couldn't take it. I said, you know what? I'm not going to stay with you. I left.

57:49 Adam What's he in jail for?

57:50 Caller Because stupid things he did when he was younger.

57:53 Adam Oh, let me look that down. Stupid things. You should be an attorney yourself. It's one hell of a defense.

58:00 Caller Well, I mean-

58:01 Adam What do you charge with your, just some dumb stuff you did a long time ago. Let's get past that right now.

58:07 Caller Because I was with him for five years. From the age of 15 to 20.

58:11 Adam Yeah. What did he do?

58:14 Caller Well, he hung around with some guys that did-

58:17 Drew Oh, Cecilia, please.

58:19 Adam What did he do?

58:20 Caller He did too, but I mean, I'm saying like-

58:22 Adam What did he do? What did he do?

58:23 Drew Just put it out.

58:24 Caller Well, I mean, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed to say that I was even with him.

58:28 Adam Well, what did he do? Come on.

58:29 Caller Okay. Well, he sold drugs.

58:33 Adam That's another.

58:33 Caller I know he sold stuff.

58:35 Adam Yeah.

58:37 Caller It's just like embarrassing.

58:38 Drew What's the worst?

58:40 Caller I don't know. He never told me everything.

58:42 Drew I would only. Your dad doesn't do drugs?

58:46 Caller No.

58:46 Adam What kind of guy is your dad? What's he do for a living?

58:49 Caller My dad, he's a mechanic.

58:50 Adam Yeah. I don't trust him that much.

58:52 Caller Why?

58:53 Adam What got you hooked up with this criminal?

58:55 Caller I don't know. My parents had been separated since ever. I was very, very young and that affected me a lot.

59:02 Adam Now we're getting somewhere.

59:04 DJ Qualls Did you live with your dad?

59:05 Caller No, I do, yes.

59:06 Adam Where's your mom?

59:08 Caller My mom's around too, but I'm not close to my mom at all.

59:11 Adam I see. That's a bad sign. Why not?

59:13 Caller I don't have, like, my parents, they turned to him. I don't know who to talk to.

59:16 Drew What's up with your mom? What's up with your mom?

59:18 Caller My mom, she had a really troubled childhood. She doesn't know how to, you know, she didn't know how to raise us.

59:25 Adam All right. Well, thank god you have a child. Hey, Cecilia?

59:29 Caller Yeah.

59:29 Adam All right. Listen to me. No more kids.

59:31 Caller No, I know that.

59:32 Caller All right. All right.

59:33 Adam Now, I know you're feeling like you're all over the place, but you're home, you got a roof over your head, you got your child, you got to take care of your child first and foremost.

59:42 Caller Of course, and I always do.

59:43 Adam You may be lonely, but you're going to have to work on that, read some books, go on some walks, love your child.

59:49 I try to better myself. I mean, I do things.

59:51 Caller I go to school. I go to the gym. I mean, I try to keep myself occupied. I have friends. It's nothing like that. I just don't, I don't feel happy. I don't feel like...

59:59 Adam I understand, but don't worry about last night's experience.

1:00:02 Drew Yeah, don't worry about that.

1:00:03 Adam That's nothing. That's just more depression acting out.

1:00:06 Drew Yeah, you're right. You're trying to reach for a life preserver.

1:00:09 Adam Right. Yeah, don't feel any shame about that. I mean, Lord knows there's more to have shame about than the lesbian experience.

1:00:16 DJ Qualls What's a little kind of lingus between friends anyway, right?

1:00:19 Adam Right. Absolutely. So just keep going to the gym, keep going to school and don't spin yourself out. I don't know how you tell someone to do that. You're fine.

1:00:29 DJ Qualls You're a good person. Stay away from relationships until you find out why you're unhappy because you're just going to drag yourself. I mean, if you're not happy by yourself though, right? If you're not happy by yourself, how are you going to be happy with somebody else? And you're going to attract creeps like the guy who's doing GIO?

1:00:42 Drew She's going to attract creeps. She's going to be attracted to creeps. She's got to start hanging around people she's not attracted to, develop some friendships, some close relationships that way and let those sorts of relationships devolve into something closer.

1:00:53 Adam Right. I like to see her as a nice Jewish land. Mondo?

1:00:56 Caller Yes.

1:00:57 Adam You're 16.

1:00:58 Caller Yeah, I've been having some problems lately. I've smoked weed for probably over at least a good year now and the past two times I've done it. I've had some strange experiences. I got really lightheaded. I've been kind of slightly paranoid, had trouble walking, just didn't feel right. It was really awkward and the worst part about it is it's now carried over to the next day. And yesterday I did it, I felt weird. And today I feel weird again and I haven't smoked any weed at all.

1:01:22 Adam Well, you got to keep smoking and kind of break through.

1:01:25 Caller Okay.

1:01:26 Adam Okay. I guess so.

1:01:27 Drew Yeah, it's sometimes neurologic symptoms like this that gets the attention of people who smoke a lot of pot. I've had people get strange vision disturbances and weird dizziness and sometimes some weakness or unsteadyness.

1:01:38 Caller It's very, it's really weird because it's almost like I can't function too much either. I can't walk and even today it's really been something that's held me back from doing a lot of different things like work at school and stuff like that.

1:01:49 DJ Qualls Why do you keep doing it? Because you paid for it and you're going to smoke it up.

1:01:53 Caller No, you know, it's only been the past two times and I really haven't had bad experiences ever before. I've been really, been fine with it these past two times. And the last time, my second time that I had a weird experience before then, I told myself, okay, we'll see maybe if it was just one bad time and now it's twice in a row.

1:02:08 Adam All right, well, good stop. Listen, he starts off by making this argument, every time I smoke the weed, I do this, I do that. And then as soon as you question him on it, it's like, well, it'll never happen except for a couple of times.

1:02:18 Drew He needs to see a neurologist.

1:02:19 Adam He does?

1:02:20 Drew Oh yeah.

1:02:20 Adam All right, see a neurologist. You know, I gotta tell you about a drug experience, guys. Drew, you know, what are the sleeping pills he got me?

1:02:28 Drew Restoril?

1:02:28 Adam Restoril?

1:02:29 Drew Or Ambien? Or both?

1:02:30 Adam No, I'm going Restoril. Which one's the long acting one?

1:02:33 Drew Restoril.

1:02:34 Adam Restoril. Restoril, took one last night. Take one, well, usually I'll get into them, but I've been off them for a while because I haven't been working. I mean, they work, but I don't like them that much. So here's what happened. The last two times I took one of those Restoril pills, Drew, go to bed at like 1.30, wake up at like 4.30 and eat, and then go back to bed at like 5.

1:03:06 Drew That's bizarre.

1:03:07 Adam Two times. Now, maybe the second time was based on doing it the first time. Popped right on up, popped up. I mean, took one of these Restoril things about one o'clock, felt like I was going to collapse about 1.30, hit the hay, woke up 4.30, pow. Hopped right up, walked right in the kitchen.

1:03:27 Drew You weren't smoking pot at the same time.

1:03:29 Adam No. Why? Should I do that? No?

1:03:31 Drew No.

1:03:32 Adam Why not?

1:03:33 Drew Don't do that.

1:03:34 Adam No? Why? What's the pot do with it?

1:03:36 Drew Makes you hungry.

1:03:37 Adam Oh, I see. No, no. I think I was just hungry, but I don't know why it popped up, ate the last two times. I took one of these things. It popped up at 8 or 4.30 in the morning each time.

1:03:47 Drew It must mess with your hunger mechanisms. Do these things do that?

1:03:50 Adam Yeah. That's bad news. Thank God I had a Comedy Central gift basket to forge through like a raccoon. There's nothing better than being completely out of it at 4.30 in the morning, stumbling down some stairs into a big fruit basket with nuts and chocolate and God knows what else in there and going, just digging into it. Tore into it, my teeth started tearing into the separate little packages. I was dumping smoked almonds in my face. I had a yogurt going, I think. I don't even remember. I have to go down the next day to see what the, you know, it's like a bear got into a dumpster. And I just see, you know, I sort of collect the evidence, see what I ate. Yeah, two times in a row. All right, I'm done with that stuff, Drew. I need something harder. Caitlin?

1:04:31 Yeah?

1:04:32 Adam You're 17.

1:04:33 Caller Hi.

1:04:33 Adam What's up?

1:04:34 DJ Qualls I just want to say that I listen to your show all the time and I love you guys so much.

1:04:38 Drew Thanks, Caitlin. What's the question?

1:04:41 DJ Qualls Yeah, I was wondering, like, I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend, like for the first time tomorrow. And, like, I just started my period.

1:04:49 Yikes.

1:04:50 DJ Qualls And I was just wondering if, like, that was probably safer, getting pre- like, as in, like, not getting pregnant or what?

1:04:59 Adam Is it too late to scrub the mission, Caitlin? Or do you have to go through with it?

1:05:05 What, having sex?

1:05:07 Adam Yeah.

1:05:07 Drew Disappointing.

1:05:08 Adam She loves my metaphors, I can tell that. Huh? Sex? Yeah. Do you have to have sex tomorrow?

1:05:14 DJ Qualls Not really.

1:05:15 Adam Okay. Maybe you want to wait till you're off your period, you know, for the first time and all.

1:05:21 DJ Qualls Is it, like, really uncomfortable while you're on your period?

1:05:23 Drew It can be a little bit uncomfortable. It could increase your risk of certain kinds of STDs. In other words, that-

1:05:28 Caller Well, he hasn't done it with anybody either.

1:05:30 Drew Yeah, but interestingly, even things like vaginitis, other sorts of bacteria that aren't necessarily associated with STDs, classic STDs, like Katelyn, get up into the gentle tracks.

1:05:40 Adam You've waited 17 years. Actually, let's call it 14. I'm not going to count the first three years of life. You know what I mean?

1:05:46 Drew You started waiting when you were three, yeah?

1:05:48 Adam Yeah, I started about three. I think most people do. You've been waiting for 14 years. Your period is going down this weekend. You can't push it to next weekend?

1:06:00 DJ Qualls Well, my parents are going out of town.

1:06:02 Adam I see. How about-

1:06:04 Drew Think of the guy for a second. Do you think he cares?

1:06:06 DJ Qualls No.

1:06:06 Adam How about you compromise with a nice BJ?

1:06:10 Drew Okay, look, whatever you guys are doing is fine. He's 17 also?

1:06:14 DJ Qualls Yeah.

1:06:14 Adam What are you doing with him? You giving him oral sex?

1:06:16 DJ Qualls No, I haven't done that yet.

1:06:18 Adam All right. Well, that would be a happy compromise. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm not trying to talk you in anything, but I am trying to talk you out of the sex.

1:06:27 DJ Qualls Yeah.

1:06:27 Adam It just seems like a bad plan. Plus, believe me, some upholstery or something will get screwed up and your mom's going to find out. You better bang them on a hefty bag.

1:06:38 Drew What are you using for contraception?

1:06:40 DJ Qualls Condom.

1:06:41 Drew All right.

1:06:41 Adam Oh. I got to admit, I like her gumption. I like her spirit. She's like a pioneer woman. That's like, hey, it's really what I like. That's why I like football better than baseball. You know what I mean? Baseball's like, oh, it's starting to sprinkle. Let's get the tarp out. Football's like, well, it's Wisconsin. It's way below. There's a VW-sized hail coming down. But what are you going to do? We got to play. She's like a game on. I said this weekend. And I mean it.

1:07:13 DJ Qualls But really, it's OK, though, right, except for the mess.

1:07:14 Drew Yeah, it's fine. Well, it's not, I want to just point out that for some people, it can increase the complications from bacteria getting into that area. Not likely to happen to them.

1:07:25 Adam Catherine.

1:07:26 Caller Yes?

1:07:27 Adam You're 27?

1:07:28 Caller Yes, I am.

1:07:28 Adam What's up?

1:07:31 Caller About, when I first came to Los Angeles, I made a lot of mistakes and ended up in the adult industry. And doing adult films, and that's how I met my husband. We both have since terminated doing that.

1:07:43 Adam You're not married to Dick Rambo, are you?

1:07:45 Caller No, no.

1:07:46 Adam Playing a hunch.

1:07:47 Caller We haven't done a movie in over four years. We've both gone to counseling, and we're still going. But the thing is, we have a three and a half year old daughter and an eight month old daughter, and we're not sure what age is appropriate to tell them or if we should never tell them.

1:08:03 Adam Wait, are they in their 40s?

1:08:05 Drew Early 50s.

1:08:07 Adam Late 40s, early 50s, I would say. Just after you're dead.

1:08:12 Caller He did a lot of them, and he's afraid that, because he gets recognized sometimes, and he's afraid what if he's with his daughter and someone recognizes him. What is the odds of that happening, or like zero to nil?

1:08:24 Drew And before she's aware of what that all means, it's going to be 10, 15 years from now.

1:08:28 Caller Yeah.

1:08:28 Adam Hold on a second. What do you mean? If he gets recognized all the time.

1:08:33 Caller Not all the time, just occasionally.

1:08:34 Adam What's his name?

1:08:36 Caller Don, but he didn't go by Don.

1:08:38 Adam Yeah, okay. I want to know what his poor name was, goofball.

1:08:43 Caller It was Damien.

1:08:45 Adam Damien, the Rod McAllister?

1:08:47 Caller No. I know why I did it. I was going through a lot. I went through a real abuse of childhood. Counseling is actually-

1:08:54 Adam Oh, please, don't ruin it for me. It's all the same story, but yet that's all I have.

1:08:59 Caller Yeah, but counseling has helped me a lot in hand, but we're just not sure if we should tell them or if we-

1:09:04 Drew No, not until they're well into their adulthood.

1:09:06 Adam You got a long time.

1:09:09 Caller Yeah, and I mean it's-

1:09:10 Adam A long time.

1:09:11 Caller If we tell them, are the risks of them going to do something like that?

1:09:15 Adam No, they'll want to do the exact opposite.

1:09:16 Drew No, in general, when you tell your kids what you did, they reserve the right. That's issuing them a license. Wow. That is always, whatever it is, they will reserve the right to do that, lest you be a hypocrite is what they'll accuse you of.

1:09:32 DJ Qualls It's going to give them a license to rebel also. If they know that you did that, they're going to be able to do anything they want and justify it.

1:09:37 Drew They'll use it.

1:09:38 DJ Qualls Don't tell them.

1:09:38 Adam But also, a lot of kids, as soon as they find out their parents did something, they're going to want nothing to do with it. But listen.

1:09:47 Drew That's when it's good things.

1:09:48 Adam Yes.

1:09:49 Drew When it's bad stuff, they want to go do it.

1:09:50 Adam I don't know. My parents are idiots. I never want to do anything they wanted to do. My dad's a big pussy. He couldn't work with wood, couldn't work on a car, couldn't do anything, couldn't fight, couldn't play sports. He couldn't do anything. I did the exact opposite with everything. I used my dad as a negative template.

1:10:09 Drew You're going to do one or the other.

1:10:10 Adam Dad, if you're listening, I'm sorry I had to hear this, but I sized you up as a wuss by the age of 11 and just went, no way am I going through life like this guy. This guy, everything, I mean, if you think about it, everything I do, whether it was boxing, football, woodworking, wrenching on cars, all polar opposites of my dad. So you can set a nice example.

1:10:34 DJ Qualls So maybe she tells her daughter she'll become a nun or something like that.

1:10:37 Adam Yeah, well now I've disgraced family by making money. Which is another thing they didn't want to do. But listen, don't tell your kids anything. Really, they are not your buddies. Listen to everyone who calls this show, it starts off with me and my mom are best friends. Always turns out to be a disaster. Listen, you don't have to be best friends with your kids any more than the principal of your high school needs to be best friends with every student. You got a job to do as a parent. Yeah, you should love them, they should love you, you should respect each other, you should have a relationship, it should be open, they should feel like they should come to you with things, but it does not mean you need to tell them every weird thing you've ever done.

1:11:19 Drew You don't sit down and smoke pot with them.

1:11:20 Adam And you need to be, you play the role of mommy and daddy. That is like principal and superintendent. That is your job. You can be benevolent, but you are the dictator. Thank you very much. Oh, I'm going to make a wonderful parent one day.

1:11:36 Drew No.

1:11:36 Adam Okay. We'll take a break. All right, Drew, here we go, buddy. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. DJ Qualls is here from Road Trip, coming out this tomorrow.

1:12:38 Drew Yes, this tomorrow.

1:12:39 Adam No, man, I'm getting tired. So hard. We didn't, he said DJ is so modest, that we didn't really get into it. But our producer, Dr. Anne, did say that Tom Green was not in the movie as much as they'd sort of made him out to be.

1:12:57 Drew Actually, as compared to DJ.

1:12:59 Adam And the DJ really stole the movie. And I know modesty prevents you from agreeing with that, but you want to just nod your head? There he goes. Yeah.

1:13:09 Drew Yes, I did.

1:13:10 Adam Yeah. Well, that's what they do. It's like, remember Logan's Run when it came on TV after they made Logan's Run sci-fi movie in like 1974. And it was out for a while. And then Charlie's Angels got real popular with Fair Fawcett in it. And Fair Fawcett had like a two-minute part in Logan's Run. So then when Logan's Run aired on TV when it was going to be on Channel 5, they'd go, Logan's Run, starring Fair Fawcett. It was like, Fair Fawcett was in the lab scene. She played like assistant number three and got blown up by a robot or something. But they just go starring, you know what they ought to say is just, starring whoever's hot. You know? You got to be bummed out pretty good when you're Michael York, you're starring in a film or whoever, I don't know whoever the co-star was in that, who the female co-star was. But you got to be pretty bummed out when you're starring in a film and they go, starring this chick who had two lines in the middle of the film. You know what I mean? Yeah, you got to call your agent. Anyway, we're just talking off there about how horrible all casting agents were, just to follow up with my point, how evil they are. And we really decided that they're all just horrible, washed up wannabe actors that are, and the reason they're so mean is because they're insecure and they're compensating. So please drop the attitude. Please, you prima donnas, I beg you. Not for me, but for the people actually, stupid enough to show up at your cockamamie auditions.

1:14:42 Drew Please get on with the show, there we go, thank you.

1:14:44 Adam Damon?

1:14:45 Caller Hi.

1:14:46 Adam You're 22.

1:14:47 Caller Yeah.

1:14:48 Adam What's up?

1:14:49 Caller Like, start off saying, you know, Dr. Drew, Adam, y'all are excellent. I know you love flattery, so, but keep the air alive.

1:14:55 Adam We're gluttons.

1:14:57 Drew We ask for it constantly. What's going on, Damon?

1:15:00 Caller Well, periodically, whenever I cough or I sneeze, I get a pain, like, I think it's called the lingam, like that area between your scrotum and your anus. And it's, like, a real tight pain, and it scares the hell out of me, but it doesn't.

1:15:16 Drew Does it get into the testes at all?

1:15:19 Caller It's kind of hard to tell.

1:15:21 Drew Or into your back?

1:15:22 Caller In my back? No, it's just right there.

1:15:25 Drew It may just be a, if it gets into the testes, I always worry about hernia, but if it's just in that connection between your legs, it can be just a spasm of a muscle called the pubococcygous muscle. I suspect that's all it is.

1:15:40 Caller What exactly causes that?

1:15:42 Drew Muscle spasm. You constrict down the muscle spasms.

1:15:46 Caller It's just a muscle spasm.

1:15:46 Drew Yeah, I suspect.

1:15:48 Caller It's been like that for as long as I can remember.

1:15:51 Drew Isn't that nice?

1:15:52 Adam That's the way you work. Do what I do, grab your junk when you sneeze.

1:15:56 Drew Let's explore this a little bit because you can tell me how to deal with patients like this.

1:15:59 Adam All right. Hey, Damon? Yeah. He told you what he had to tell you. That's it. You don't believe him? Go to the doctor. Go to the doctor. I don't care.

1:16:08 Caller Yeah, I believe him. I just-

1:16:09 Adam All right, then shut up. Jesus Christ. Chai.

1:16:13 Drew Asshole.

1:16:14 Adam What is her name?

1:16:15 Chai.

1:16:16 Adam You're 21.

1:16:17 Caller Yes.

1:16:17 Adam Where are you from?

1:16:18 Caller Williams, California.

1:16:21 DJ Qualls Okay.

1:16:23 Drew Where is your name originated from?

1:16:25 Caller Oh, I'm Persian.

1:16:26 Adam I see. Yeah. What's that?

1:16:28 Caller I have a problem that every time I have sex with my boyfriend, I have to masturbate the same time like when he's inside me. I have to use my fingers and I have to pleasure myself, but it feels good when he's inside me. I can't do it when I can't masturbate when he's not inside me. It doesn't feel the same.

1:16:46 Adam Nothing wrong with that.

1:16:47 Drew What's the problem?

1:16:51 Caller I can't orgasm when I'm not masturbating.

1:16:56 Adam Well, it's fine. Don't you Persian chicks have like eight arms anyway? What is that statue?

1:17:02 Caller Nice.

1:17:03 Adam What's her name?

1:17:04 Caller Chai.

1:17:05 Adam The eight arm chick?

1:17:06 Caller I have no idea.

1:17:08 DJ Qualls That's Indian, isn't it?

1:17:08 Adam That's Indian? We don't know. That's the same. That's close enough.

1:17:13 Caller I was just wondering why I have to do that though. I just want to be free, just like with my hands tied back.

1:17:20 Adam Right. Listen, I wish I could drive home without touching a wheel, but what are you going to do?

1:17:26 Caller I don't know.

1:17:28 Drew Maybe the guy doesn't know quite what to do for you.

1:17:30 Caller No, he's great. It's just that I have to.

1:17:32 Adam He's so great, you have to have your own orgasm.

1:17:34 Caller Yeah, exactly. I can't have one without me doing that.

1:17:37 Drew Why doesn't he do something like that?

1:17:38 Adam I know, but no, he's excellent. No better lover ever born. It's just she has to rub herself.

1:17:42 Caller Exactly. That's so funny and I...

1:17:50 Adam That's so funny. No, I think so.

1:17:52 Caller It's not a problem then. I mean, how come I can't do that then?

1:17:56 Adam Listen, I just get frustrated. All right, but no better lover ever put on the planet than this guy, right?

1:18:02 Caller Well, no, it's been like this all the time though.

1:18:05 DJ Qualls With everybody?

1:18:05 Caller Yes.

1:18:06 Adam Right. Okay, now what about oral sex? Does he perform oral sex?

1:18:11 Caller Yes, he does.

1:18:11 Adam He does, and how about that?

1:18:13 Caller It's not as great as when he's inside me.

1:18:16 Adam Right, so you can't have an orgasm when he's...

1:18:18 Caller I can't have an orgasm unless I'm touching myself.

1:18:21 Adam All right, so...

1:18:22 Caller None at all.

1:18:23 Adam All right, because he should be able to pull something off during oral sex. If he can sort of use his tongue the way you use your finger.

1:18:30 Drew Why isn't he the one?

1:18:32 Adam Well, it's...

1:18:33 Caller It's just not the same. I don't know.

1:18:35 Adam Yeah, and it's hard to diddle sometimes. It's sort of like signing something upside down or something. You kind of got the letters right, but it's a little screwed up. It's hard to go back. And I'm thinking of breaking my hand and twisting it around so it faces the other way, so I can get some good action there, you know? Right. It's hard to diddle when you're... Yeah, I know. There's the reach around. What position are you in? Are you on your back?

1:19:02 Caller Yeah, I'm on my back.

1:19:03 Adam I see.

1:19:04 Caller I'm always on my back.

1:19:05 Adam I understand. I understand. But listen, Chai, does it feel like you're masturbating or does it feel like you're just sort of participating?

1:19:13 Caller Well, it feels like I'm participating.

1:19:15 Drew Augmenting the situation.

1:19:17 Adam Yeah, that's fine. You're still ahead of the game. You really are.

1:19:21 Caller So it's normal then. Yeah.

1:19:22 Adam It's a little better than normal because you are having an orgasm while the man is in you, which is something that a lot of women can't have. Right. In my experience, no woman has ever done that. But I swear to God, if someone tells me it's 30 percent of women can't or can't, if someone told me today that 25 percent of women can have an orgasm, I would kill myself right now, right now. I would consider myself the most unlucky person on the planet and take my own life by jumping off a goddamn cliff.

1:20:01 Drew Well, you'd be so inadequate.

1:20:03 Adam I know.

1:20:03 Drew You've failed all women.

1:20:05 Adam But listen.

1:20:06 Drew Yes.

1:20:06 Adam If a woman gets down there and helps herself out while you're helping her out, most guys are completely fine with it. They're better than fine with that. Lending a hand, no problem.

1:20:18 DJ Qualls It's less work for them.

1:20:19 Adam And what's no big deal with you, you got a guy in you, you got your boyfriend, it's intimate, and you're having your orgasm. Do not complain about that one. Gina?

1:20:29 Caller Yeah.

1:20:30 Adam You're 27.

1:20:32 Caller Yeah. You guys really make people hold forever, huh?

1:20:34 Adam Yeah, we certainly do. It's so funny, she sounded angry for first, her yeah was angry and I thought, this bitch, I'll put my finger over the hold button. And then she gave me the second, yeah. And I thought, wow, she's really angry. And then I put her on hold. So, Gina, I know you've been on home for 75 minutes. The show is only another 27 minutes long, so we can't have you on hold any longer than that. So just hang tight, honey. We're sorry, but we got to move on. We'd like to talk to you. Dan?

1:21:04 Yeah.

1:21:04 Adam You're 17? What's up?

1:21:07 Caller Well, I was at my girlfriend's house and her parents weren't home and we were going to have sex. And she, my girlfriend has a roommate, so she didn't want to, because they share the same bed, so she didn't want to do it in her bed. So we were going to do it in the family room.

1:21:25 DJ Qualls She has a roommate at her parents' house?

1:21:27 Caller Huh? She has a roommate at her parents' house because her friend got kicked out of her house, so she lives with her.

1:21:32 Drew And they live in the same bed?

1:21:34 Caller Yeah. They don't have a very big house.

1:21:38 Drew Trailer?

1:21:40 Caller No, it's just a small house.

1:21:41 Adam And they took the wheels off yesterday, so technically, no.

1:21:44 Caller And so, but her mom wasn't supposed to be home, but she came home and we weren't having sex yet, but we didn't have her clothes on yet, you know? Yeah. And so, she's like, her mom was like forbidden me to see her or whatever, and so I was wondering what I should do.

1:22:00 Drew Don't see her.

1:22:01 Adam You gotta lay low for a little while there, Dan. How old is she?

1:22:04 Caller Oh, she's 16.

1:22:05 Adam Yeah.

1:22:07 Drew That's it.

1:22:07 Adam Were you gonna use protection, Dan?

1:22:09 Caller Yes.

1:22:09 Adam You sure?

1:22:10 Caller Yes.

1:22:10 Adam Okay. You sound like a decent guy, Dan. Here's what you gotta do. Lay low, let this thing blow over. Try not to bang in the living room. Here's the problem with small houses. Living room, entry hall, same place. You know what I mean?

1:22:27 Drew Same room.

1:22:27 Adam Same room. You open the door, pow, you're in it.

1:22:30 Drew Well, didn't you say they went to the parents' room?

1:22:32 Adam There's no boots coming down a long corridor. No, they went into the living room. It sounded like they were going into the parents' room, but they made a quick detour into the living room. So she just opened the door and saw your ass, right? Pretty much.

1:22:44 Drew Did she scream?

1:22:46 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:22:47 Adam Does she have a, it needs like a, oh.

1:22:50 Drew I swear I'd roll up some newspapers.

1:22:52 Adam Yeah, what do you mean? That, you'd be going in with the newspaper. You'd have to be beating, you'd lube that thing up. All right, Dan. All right. All right, listen, what can I say? You got popped. Yeah. Lay low, she'll come over to your, where do you live in?

1:23:07 Caller I live in Mesa.

1:23:08 Adam Mesa, I see. You have a house?

1:23:11 Caller I don't live by myself, I live with my parents.

1:23:13 Adam I see. So one of those three walled places like Lincoln lived in or is it?

1:23:17 Caller We live in a pretty big house.

1:23:18 Adam All right. Well, you bring her over, over there.

1:23:21 Caller All right.

1:23:21 Adam All right. All right.

1:23:23 Caller All right, thanks.

1:23:23 Adam All right. It's all right. It's all right. Gina?

1:23:27 Caller Yes.

1:23:28 Adam You're 27?

1:23:29 Caller Yes.

1:23:30 Adam You're still, you're a little sassy. Hold on a second.

1:23:32 Caller I'm not.

1:23:33 Adam Hold on.

1:23:33 Drew She's starting to yell at you.

1:23:35 Adam Put her back on hold. I got back there. She's trying to play nice. Let's put her on hold for a second. Megan?

1:23:43 Caller Hey.

1:23:44 Adam You're 16?

1:23:45 Caller Yeah.

1:23:46 Drew Well, Megan's asleep.

1:23:47 Adam It's between you and Gina now.

1:23:48 Drew Megan's sleepy. That's Megan.

1:23:49 Caller Oh, sorry.

1:23:50 Adam You're sleepy, Megan?

1:23:51 Drew Yeah.

1:23:52 Adam I'm sorry, sweet pea. I'm going to make Gina feel worse by being extra nice to all of us. What's on your mind, honey? What can we do for you tonight?

1:23:59 DJ Qualls I got this friend and we're like best friends.

1:24:02 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:24:03 Caller And we mess around a lot, but I really don't want a relationship.

1:24:07 Caller But he's getting kind of jealous because I want to mess around with other guys too.

1:24:09 Caller Oh, boy.

1:24:10 Adam It's quite a pickle you got yourself into, dearie. What do I do?

1:24:16 Drew Well, you've told him that you don't want a relationship?

1:24:18 Caller Yeah. And he's okay with that, but he just doesn't-

1:24:21 Drew He's not okay with it, obviously.

1:24:23 Caller Well, yeah, I know. He says he is.

1:24:26 Adam Why are you messing around- Why are you messing around with someone you don't want a relationship with?

1:24:33 Caller Because he's hot and horny.

1:24:38 Adam I'm going to write that down. So you got the two Hs in place. And what is up, though? I mean, if he's hot, why don't you want to be with him?

1:24:48 Caller I don't know.

1:24:49 Caller It's better off as friends.

1:24:50 Caller We just get along a lot better when we're not in a relationship.

1:24:53 Adam All right. This goes against everything any woman has ever stood for, every instinct every 16 year old has ever had. So what is up? Where's your dad?

1:25:03 Caller Oh, he's divorced with my mom.

1:25:05 Drew Where is he?

1:25:06 Caller He is in Chicago.

1:25:08 Drew He doesn't even live with you anymore.

1:25:10 Caller No.

1:25:10 Adam You ever see him? Yeah.

1:25:12 Caller I go up there every summer.

1:25:13 Adam Yeah. Do you like him?

1:25:14 Caller Yeah.

1:25:14 Caller He's real cool.

1:25:15 Adam And why are you so scared of intimacy?

1:25:20 Caller I'm not. I don't know.

1:25:21 Caller I just...

1:25:22 Adam I don't understand. You got a guy, he's really hot, you're great friends. You're not in love with him? You don't want to be boyfriend-girlfriend?

1:25:30 Caller Not really.

1:25:30 Drew Why?

1:25:32 Caller I don't know. There's some other guys I want to go out with, but I don't know.

1:25:36 Caller Right now, I just want to mess around with him for a while.

1:25:38 Adam Check for me real quick. See if you got a penis. Do that just quick panty check.

1:25:44 Caller Yeah.

1:25:44 Caller I'm pretty sure.

1:25:45 Adam Okay. And anything ever happen? Any rapes? Any abuse?

1:25:50 Caller No. Not really.

1:25:51 Drew Not really? What does not really mean?

1:25:53 Caller No.

1:25:54 Caller Nothing. Nothing ever happened to me, I swear.

1:25:55 Adam Nothing. Okay. Dad wasn't a drinker? Oh, no.

1:25:58 Caller Not at all.

1:25:59 Drew Why did he leave?

1:26:00 Caller I just don't know. He always just said that he just didn't love my mom anymore.

1:26:05 Adam Okay. How old were you?

1:26:07 Caller Six.

1:26:08 Adam Six. I see. Brothers, sisters?

1:26:11 Caller I have a sister and I have two stepbrothers.

1:26:13 Adam How's she doing? Ever get it on with a stepbrother?

1:26:19 Caller Oh, no.

1:26:19 Adam Huh?

1:26:20 Caller No.

1:26:21 Adam Huh?

1:26:21 Caller No.

1:26:22 Adam Megan, seriously now.

1:26:23 Caller Seriously?

1:26:24 Adam Little something.

1:26:26 Drew How old were you?

1:26:28 Caller A couple years ago.

1:26:29 Caller I didn't do anything. I didn't actually have sex with him.

1:26:31 Drew You were 14?

1:26:32 Caller Yeah.

1:26:33 Drew How old was he?

1:26:34 Caller He was 13.

1:26:37 Adam What did you do?

1:26:39 Caller What?

1:26:40 Adam What did you do with him?

1:26:41 Caller Oh, I don't know. Just nothing too bad. Just hands.

1:26:45 Adam I see. All right. What about the other stepbrother?

1:26:48 Caller Oh, no.

1:26:49 Caller No, he was disgusting.

1:26:50 Adam Yeah. I see. One guy was hot. Oh, I'll tell you that. I tell myself I was the other guy. Yeah, I'm Bart, the older one. Yeah, I'm 16, but the 14-year-old got on. I'm a 13-year-old. How old is the older guy?

1:27:05 Caller The older guy is, right now, he's 15.

1:27:07 Adam I see. All right. Right now.

1:27:10 Caller Yeah.

1:27:11 Adam All right there, then. So, wait a minute, you did this two years ago?

1:27:15 Drew No, he can't be. How old is the older guy right now?

1:27:18 Caller Right now, he's 15.

1:27:20 Drew Well, that's the guy you had sex with or fooled around with.

1:27:22 Caller No, I fooled around with the younger one. He's 14.

1:27:25 Adam I thought you did it two years ago.

1:27:27 Caller Yeah, whatever.

1:27:28 Caller I don't know.

1:27:29 Adam I see.

1:27:29 Caller Just trust me, he's two years younger than me.

1:27:31 Drew So he was 12.

1:27:31 Adam It was last week.

1:27:33 Caller It was last week.

1:27:34 Adam Okay.

1:27:34 Drew So he was 12. He wasn't 13.

1:27:36 Caller Okay. I don't know. Yeah, maybe.

1:27:38 Adam All right. Hey, Megan. Something's going on here. Yeah, something's going on with you. What's going on? Nothing, I say. Nothing? All right. Well, there you go.

1:27:45 Drew You having sex with Step?

1:27:46 Adam You having sex? Yeah.

1:27:48 Caller No, I haven't had it yet.

1:27:49 Adam No. When anybody ever get to you when you were younger?

1:27:52 Caller No.

1:27:53 Adam No. All right. All right. And you're just having sex with this guy? He's really hot. He's your best friend.

1:27:59 Caller I'm not having sex with him.

1:28:00 Caller I'm a virgin.

1:28:02 Adam You're just screwing around with him?

1:28:03 Caller Yeah.

1:28:04 Adam What are you doing, oral sex?

1:28:05 Caller Yeah.

1:28:06 Adam Jesus, where was this oral sex?

1:28:08 DJ Qualls That's what I was thinking.

1:28:09 Adam Alternative when I was growing up. When did that not count? When did that stop counting? It always meant the most to me. When did it stop counting? Anderson says Bill Clinton. And he helped push the movement along, but it was going strong before that's why the kids didn't consider it anything. Yeah. Maybe that's why Clinton didn't consider it anything.

1:28:32 Drew Right.

1:28:33 Adam Jesus Christ.

1:28:35 Drew He's hip. He's part of the mainstream.

1:28:36 Adam Oh my God. Oh, just have a chick, give you a little routine maintenance down there, a little oral sex once in a while. Doesn't really count for much. She's not too into you. When did that happen? Listen, a chick had to think of you as more than a boyfriend to get that when I was coming up.

1:28:58 Drew Like a husband.

1:29:00 Adam Husband, Jesus Christ. That's who they wanted to have oral sex with, Jesus himself. Thank you. Gina?

1:29:09 Caller Yes?

1:29:10 Adam Hi there, Perky. That's what I like.

1:29:14 Caller Well, you totally misread me from the beginning.

1:29:16 Adam All right. You're a good person?

1:29:18 Caller I'm an awesome person. I totally love the show. Think Dr. Drew is like the hottest thing in like the world.

1:29:23 Drew You bitch!

1:29:25 Adam I think Drew is hot.

1:29:27 Caller Drew is like so awesome. Yeah.

1:29:29 Adam All right. Hold on. We got to take a break now.

1:29:31 Caller What?

1:29:32 Adam We got to take a break. No, that's all right. Gene, I'm on with you now, though. I promise we'll get to you right after the break.

1:29:39 Caller All right.

1:29:41 Adam All right. Just hang with us over there. We'll be right back.

1:30:22 Caller Yep, it's Loveline.

1:30:25 Adam DJ Qualls is here tonight from Road Trip. Out tomorrow, everybody. I think Friday there, and everyone says it's good. The people I know have seen it, seem to really enjoy it. Kind of nice.

1:30:39 DJ Qualls It feels pretty good to have a movie that people don't hate.

1:30:42 Adam Yeah. Well, a lot of times, movies like this are big on concept, big on hype and everything, and then you go see them and it's kind of like, I like the porkies.

1:30:51 DJ Qualls Right. They suck.

1:30:52 Adam But this one by all accounts, and my partner Jimmy who was in it, who can be a pretty tough critic sometimes, especially my work, said he enjoyed the movie quite a bit.

1:31:04 DJ Qualls Well, he's in it.

1:31:06 Adam Well, he says two words as a dog though, right?

1:31:08 DJ Qualls Right.

1:31:10 Adam That's it. He's under five. Gina?

1:31:13 Caller Yeah.

1:31:14 Adam All right, Sweet Pea, what's up with you now? You've been on home for 88 minutes.

1:31:18 Caller On my cell phone no less.

1:31:19 Adam Oh, no. Oh, baby.

1:31:21 Drew That's not fair.

1:31:22 Adam Yeah. All right. Drew, don't you feel bad?

1:31:24 Drew That's not right.

1:31:25 Adam All right. I'm over it. What's up?

1:31:27 Caller I need to find out from Dr. Drew if he knows anything about a new pill to lose weight called Zymax, and if he thinks it'll actually work.

1:31:36 Drew What? Maybe I'm not familiar with this one. What's it called?

1:31:39 Caller Zymax.

1:31:40 Drew Zymax. What's the compound?

1:31:44 Caller I have no idea. I got this brochure. I'm actually scheduled for liposuction in July, and I actually ordered it off the TV, the Cysocell.

1:31:55 Drew The what?

1:31:55 Caller I haven't taken it. It goes ahead and traps your fat.

1:32:00 Drew Xenocal. How overweight are you?

1:32:06 Caller I would really like to lose 20 pounds.

1:32:08 Drew How much do you weigh?

1:32:10 Caller 135.

1:32:11 Drew How tall are you?

1:32:12 Caller 55.

1:32:13 Adam That's about right.

1:32:14 DJ Qualls That's right. What are you doing?

1:32:16 Drew You're already getting lipo. That's going to take out a few pounds right there.

1:32:20 Caller Yeah. Well, see, what happened was that I was actually really overweight, and I went on FenFen. I lost 50 pounds, so I'm fine now.

1:32:25 Drew Have you had an echocardiogram done? No.

1:32:28 Caller But I've actually been off of FenFen for about four years.

1:32:30 Drew It doesn't matter. You got to get that done. Almost every single patient I had on FenFen hasn't got a heart problem now. They do? Yes, absolutely.

1:32:38 Caller I've told my doctors, and they're like, you're fine.

1:32:41 Drew You need to get an echocardiogram. You need to get that. So make sure you get that.

1:32:44 Adam What do they look for, and if they find it, what do they do?

1:32:46 Drew Well, valvular defects. The valves stop working normally, and it can increase the risk of bacteria sticking on those valves and causing a very serious infection. So they need to take antibiotics, for instance, before they have any surgeries, that kind of thing.

1:32:59 Adam That's why you're the smart one.

1:33:02 Drew But, Gina, the...

1:33:04 Adam All right, Gina, let's...

1:33:05 Drew Zeneca also prevents absorptions of fat-soluble vitamins. Right, so you gotta be very careful with that.

1:33:10 Caller The only problem with that one is that it's like too complicated. I gotta figure out how much fat I'm actually taking in to figure out how many times I have to take.

1:33:17 Drew Listen, Gina, the real important thing here is that if you look at data for sustained weight loss and people that have significant weight loss over long periods of time, it ends up being about balanced diet and reducing your calorie intake and increasing your exercise. If you really want to do something structured, see a dietician and get a dietary plan and follow up with that dietician.

1:33:36 Adam All right. All right, Gina.

1:33:38 Drew There's no easy way out of this one.

1:33:39 DJ Qualls Yeah, Gina can take it from Ace to be 60 pounds overweight.

1:33:42 Drew No way.

1:33:42 DJ Qualls Yeah, the two ways you can lose weight, diet and exercise, or get cancer. Those are the only two ways that are really going to do it for you.

1:33:49 Adam Were you really 60 pounds overweight?

1:33:50 DJ Qualls Yeah, 60 pounds overweight.

1:33:51 Drew By 60 pounds overweight, do you mean 60 pounds heavier than you are now?

1:33:54 DJ Qualls No, 60 pounds bigger than the doctor said that I should be.

1:33:58 Drew How many more than now were you talking?

1:34:01 DJ Qualls Probably, well, I was the 5'2, and I weighed 170 pounds.

1:34:07 Adam Wow.

1:34:08 DJ Qualls Yeah.

1:34:08 Drew You're fat.

1:34:09 DJ Qualls Yeah, I was fat.

1:34:10 Adam Wait a minute, how tall are you now?

1:34:12 DJ Qualls 6'2, I weigh 145.

1:34:13 Adam 6'2, 145?

1:34:15 DJ Qualls Yeah.

1:34:19 Adam How long ago did you have the cancer?

1:34:21 DJ Qualls I was 14.

1:34:22 Adam I see. Wow.

1:34:23 DJ Qualls Yeah.

1:34:25 Adam But can that thin you out for that long or, I mean, how old are you now?

1:34:29 DJ Qualls Yeah.

1:34:30 Drew If you pay attention, you even watch it.

1:34:34 DJ Qualls Right. Now I don't eat as much crap, but I had the initial weight loss and I didn't go back to the old eating habits.

1:34:39 Adam Right.

1:34:40 DJ Qualls Also, nothing will turn you off food faster than throwing up all the time.

1:34:42 Drew Chemotherapy.

1:34:43 Adam Oh, chemo?

1:34:44 DJ Qualls Yeah.

1:34:44 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:34:46 Drew Do you have radiation and chemo or just chemo? Yeah, both.

1:34:48 Adam Oh, boy. But now, you're a little underweight, right?

1:34:51 DJ Qualls Yeah.

1:34:52 Adam Now, do you want to put some on?

1:34:53 DJ Qualls Yeah, I'd like to put a few pounds on, but I'm not. It's easier in America to be underweight. It just is than it is to be overweight. Clothes and everything else. It just is.

1:35:02 Adam Chicks, clothes.

1:35:03 DJ Qualls Yeah, everything.

1:35:04 Adam Casting, everything.

1:35:05 DJ Qualls Everything is easier.

1:35:05 Drew Did you get CHOP? Was that the chemo you got?

1:35:09 DJ Qualls No, I got Adriamycin and Velban, Van Christine. Yes, a lot of stuff like that.

1:35:17 Adam You didn't get the...

1:35:18 DJ Qualls I got the THC too, which was pretty good.

1:35:19 Drew You get neuropathy? Fingers tingle or hands tingle?

1:35:23 DJ Qualls They still do and they're always cold.

1:35:25 Drew That's from the Van Christine, Van Blasting. And then the heart's okay?

1:35:28 DJ Qualls Yeah, heart's fine.

1:35:28 Adam You got the THC pills?

1:35:30 DJ Qualls Yeah, I got the THC during it. No, I don't. Too bad.

1:35:32 Drew You got the pills?

1:35:33 DJ Qualls Yeah, I didn't get the joint.

1:35:34 Adam So you went for raw up?

1:35:36 DJ Qualls Yeah.

1:35:36 Drew Did you get high from it?

1:35:37 DJ Qualls Yeah, it also made me eat a lot more, which is pretty good.

1:35:41 Adam The pills, the THC pills made you increase the appetite and suppressed some of the vomiting?

1:35:47 DJ Qualls Yeah, marijuana should be legalized.

1:35:49 Adam Oh, yeah. We're hip to that. Alex?

1:35:53 Caller Hi.

1:35:53 Adam Hey.

1:35:54 Caller How are you guys?

1:35:55 Adam You have sex three times a day?

1:35:57 Caller Yeah.

1:35:57 Adam Are you married?

1:35:59 Caller No.

1:36:00 Drew Is it the same guy?

1:36:01 Caller Yeah.

1:36:01 Drew Is it by your choice?

1:36:02 Caller Yeah.

1:36:03 Adam All right. How's his penis holding up?

1:36:06 Caller Pretty good.

1:36:07 Adam All right.

1:36:09 Drew Is it a compulsion? Did something happen to you when you were growing up that you can't get satisfied with sex? Yeah.

1:36:14 Caller I had a pretty crappy childhood.

1:36:16 Drew Okay.

1:36:17 Adam You never get raped or anything?

1:36:19 Drew Yeah.

1:36:19 Adam All right. Well, you're doing some acting out now, right?

1:36:23 Drew I don't know.

1:36:23 Adam Well.

1:36:24 Drew How do we know that magically?

1:36:26 Adam You know how long you've been on the air? You were on the air 29 seconds before we got to the part about you being raped. Well. All right. Well, it has no significance. You're probably right, then. All right. Well, good luck to you, sister. And carry on. And you're just extra horny. That's all. That's all that is.

1:36:43 DJ Qualls Is it the same guy, though? Is it bad? I mean, is it the same guy?

1:36:47 Adam No, except for she's going to shut down pretty soon.

1:36:49 Drew Yeah. She'll be nothing.

1:36:51 Adam She'll be frigid. She's not going to get anything.

1:36:53 Drew And or she'll start. And or if she has a gene for addiction, she'll start escalating this and start having consequences.

1:36:58 DJ Qualls So she should just go get therapy right now? Go to talk to someone? Start dealing with it?

1:37:02 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Because this is a reaction to the trauma channel.

1:37:06 Adam She needs to be stopped before she F's again. All right, Alex.

1:37:11 Caller Hey, I just saw you on Politically Incorrect.

1:37:14 Drew How was it?

1:37:15 Caller It was good. Yeah, it was quite handsome, Adam.

1:37:19 Adam That's right, I am, sister. Tell your friends. Tell your other horny friends. Thank you. All right, we'll take a little break. Love Line. Yeah, there you go. That's the fabulous show. I want to thank DJ Qualls for coming in here tonight and being a perfect gentleman.

1:38:13 DJ Qualls Thank you guys for having me. I appreciate it.

1:38:15 Adam Tell everyone to do well. Thanks, we had a good time with you, and I hope everyone goes out and catches Road Trip, which, like I said, heard was very funny from some guys that aren't easy marks for that kind of stuff. All right, I want to thank Engineer Anderson for doing a great job all week, Producer Ann for doing a great job, I think two and a half, three days out of the week. Well, she wasn't here. I want to thank Danielle for doing a great job manning the keyboards, the coffee, the phones, and everything else, really the glue that holds the show together. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:38:50 Drew All right, all right, all right, okay.

1:38:53 Adam Well now.

Episode Feedback

Thursday, May 18, 2000