Episode 1000754887472

0:02 Voiceover Love Line is meant for an adult audience.

0:05 Voiceover Love Line may contain sexually-oriented content.

0:09 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

0:11 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

0:13 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

0:16 Caller Love Line.

0:17 Drew 30 minutes in, we left, that's it.

0:20 Adam Yeah, you just want to go home.

0:22 Drew No, no, I did, but the kids are crying. Yeah, they're crying. One of the kids goes, I don't like this. I had one of their friends, I don't like this. Take me out of here. I thought, you're right, this is ridiculous. I mean, every scene was either explicit or implied violence. It was awful.

0:36 Adam Well, what the hell does a kid know about implied violence? Well, you mean a threat?

0:40 Drew Threats of violence, like aggression, all kinds of aggression.

0:43 Adam Well, let me tell you something about the Jurassic period. No picnic.

0:47 Drew Yeah, it's portrayed nicely.

0:49 Adam Yeah, a lot of eating going on.

0:51 Drew It was like a restaurant, a giant restaurant. That's what the movie was about. So different kinds of food.

0:56 Adam What are the kids, six? Seven.

0:58 Drew And here's the great news. I went up to the front.

1:00 Adam Freaked them out.

1:00 Drew How's that United Artists Theater went to front? They went, just come back.

1:03 Adam Oh, really?

1:04 Drew No problem.

1:04 Adam No, they knew you.

1:05 Drew No problem.

1:05 Adam They recognized you.

1:06 Drew They were very nice.

1:07 Adam That's what it is. My dad took me to see Pepe On when I was eight or nine.

1:13 Drew This is so violent.

1:15 Adam But did it have a prison scene where a guy performed oral sex on a guy in a prison infirmary?

1:21 Drew How old were you?

1:22 Adam Well, whatever. Anderson, what year did Pepe On come out? Because I saw it in the theater. And, I mean, it must have been, like, 73, 74.

1:30 Drew I was going to say 72.

1:31 Adam I'm happy to say 72. I saw it in the theater. I was born in 64. So I had, I've had to be eight, nine.

1:38 Oh, my God.

1:39 Adam There was beheadings. I mean, this is a scary, this is one of the grittiest prison movie I ever made.

1:45 Drew I'm happy to say there was no dino oral copulation.

1:48 Adam Good, good. You dodged that bullet. Oh, my God. Was it bizarre sitting next to your dad and there in some prison in French Guyana and the guy pulls the mosquito net back from the other guy and he's wearing his underpants and he's lying there on the cot and he puts a flower in his mouth and then proceeds to go down on him or like I'm like sitting next to my dad going, Oh, Christ.

2:11 Drew You were eight. Did you know what the hell was going on?

2:12 Adam Yeah. Well, thank God I had my therapy tabulator on. So it was like, ch-ching, year and a half. Just that one incident. I was probably nine. I knew what I was saying. I mean, yeah, I had a pretty good idea when-

2:28 Drew At nine.

2:29 Adam Well, listen, when a guy, listen, all you know is it's creepy.

2:34 Drew Yeah.

2:34 Adam There's one man. He approaches another man in a physical way, but not a dangerous way. I mean, it's not provoking any violence. He puts it like a flower in the guy's mouth and then slides his head down to his drawers and the guy's shirtless.

2:53 Drew The guy's sick too? He's like ill?

2:55 Adam Yeah. He was, I don't know why he was in the infirmary, but the point is, is weird enough for me and Pops, especially for me at nine. So I'm saying, it's good for your kids. What's he going to say? Hey son, he's getting what's known as a BJ. God willing, he'll get one one day. Wait a minute. You're nine? Let me do the math. 14 years, you're going to get one of those.

3:17 Drew But did he talk about the film with you or anything?

3:20 Adam No, I don't know. You know, we don't talk. Please, how dare you?

3:26 Drew Oh my God.

3:28 Adam Jessica?

3:29 Hi Adam.

3:30 Adam You're 19. What's up?

3:32 Caller Yeah. My friend told me he has two penises and I'm wondering if that is possible.

3:38 Drew No.

3:38 Adam Yeah. It could be. I have half a penis. I'm wondering where the rest went. Two penises?

3:45 Caller Yeah.

3:46 Adam I highly doubt it. Why? What else does he have?

3:50 Caller I don't know.

3:51 We were just discussing it.

3:53 Adam I see. And did he show it to you?

3:56 No.

3:57 Adam Why didn't you ask to see it?

3:59 I was afraid he could. No.

4:02 Adam Okay. Well, let's just assume he doesn't for now. All right?

4:06 Drew That's a good bet.

4:07 Adam All right, Jessica. All right. Good luck to you. All right. It doesn't mean he's not out there and you can't find him. I just doubt this guy has two penises. That stuff doesn't get past birth anymore, does it, Drew?

4:20 Drew No.

4:22 Adam You know what I'm saying?

4:22 Drew You'd fix that. But I've never heard of that even happening.

4:25 Adam I mean, let's figure the guys. Let me just check back. Jessica? Yeah. Yeah. How old is he?

4:32 He's 20.

4:33 Adam What country was he born in?

4:36 Caller He was born here.

4:37 Adam In the United States?

4:39 Caller Yeah.

4:39 Adam Thank you. Okay. So what? 1980, 1981. No one's getting born with two Pepe's and having it slide past.

4:46 Drew They're trying to fix ambiguous genitalia.

4:48 Adam Yeah. Miranda?

4:51 Hey.

4:52 Adam Hey, you're 20. What's up?

4:53 Caller Guys, I just want to say, are the two most sexiest and smartest men alive? Miranda.

4:59 Adam Wow. Thank you. It's true. What's up?

5:05 Caller My question is, like, for the past two years, I've been desperately wanting to have a baby, and I was wondering if that's related to my eating disorders that I used to have.

5:15 Drew Well, it's more that your eating disorder is related to the kinds of psychological problems that might make you feel empty and need a way to fix the emptiness.

5:27 Adam Well, it all falls under the F-ed up heading. If that's what you're looking for.

5:31 Caller I don't think I have a problem because I'm from an upper middle class family. I have both my parents. They've been married for 22 years. I'm an only child, so I don't see what's wrong with me.

5:41 Drew Well, you have an eating disorder.

5:42 Adam Yeah, your mom put a lot of focus on you growing up.

5:45 Caller Yes.

5:46 Adam Ballet class.

5:47 Caller Yes.

5:48 Adam All right, that's it.

5:49 Caller Is my mom psychotic?

5:51 Drew No, not psychotic, just a little over domineering. It's that children need a certain amount of autonomy in order to develop a self.

5:59 Adam Yeah.

6:00 Drew And when parents intrude, if they're anxious, something's going to happen to you, or they need you to be a certain way because of their own needs, they prevent you from staying attached to them in any way that allows you to separate and develop a self. They won't let you go. So you come into adolescence with no sense of self, none of the usual sorts of developmental strategies that people have, and eating disorder becomes one of the options for managing feelings. And now your dissolution is have a baby. That'll make me feel better.

6:29 Caller Would I be stupid to have a child right now?

6:31 Adam Yes. Why, do you have a man?

6:34 Caller No, but I've had unprotected sex with my ex-boyfriend and hoping to get pregnant.

6:37 Adam I see.

6:38 Drew Listen, that child then becomes just something that's supposed to fix you, just like you were supposed to fix your mom.

6:43 Adam Yeah. Your parents were pretty intrusive. I mean, if you were a chick, you'd probably have an eating disorder, right, Drew? Wouldn't you?

6:50 Drew Yeah.

6:51 Adam Yeah. You think your sister did?

6:52 Drew No, I don't think so.

6:53 Adam Really? Jeez, she's got those eyes. Drew's sister has those eating disorder eyes. Oh, you know, those blowfish eyes? You know, those eyes are popping?

7:07 Drew That would be just her makeup.

7:09 Adam Not the Marty Feldman kind of eyes. I mean, it's not an anatomical thing. It's just more of a...

7:15 Drew Intensity.

7:16 Adam Yeah, it looks like a lemur or something. Well, you just saw a bunch of lemurs today, didn't you, in the movie?

7:22 Drew Yeah, it was yesterday, last night.

7:23 Adam Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's that sort of... Whereas I look like I'm gonna fall asleep.

7:28 Drew Yeah, you look like the three-toed sloth hanging from the tree they had there.

7:31 Adam Yeah, I have people say to me, three, four in the afternoon at work, what'd you do, just come up from a nap?

7:37 Drew No, that, they're like, watch, he'll move. He moves, I swear to God, watch him.

7:42 Adam Well, to be fair, I am in my dormant stage, like every goddamn animal is at the zoo whenever I go to the zoo once every eight years, every animal is in its dormant stage. Hey, why isn't that, is that Gator dead? No, he's in his dormant stage. What about that bear? Is he dead? No, in his dormant stage. How about that gang member over there that's strangling that kid? No, no, he's not in his dormant age. He was just paroled. Yeah, do not go to the LA. Zoo anymore. It's very dicey. Let me tell you, I went to the LA. Zoo like five years ago. I was scared for my life. I went to jump into the animal pen. I saved myself.

8:20 Drew I've been there a bunch in the last couple of years and it must have been cleaned up. No, really? It's a lot nicer.

8:23 Adam Well, maybe they've raised admission or something. Emily.

8:27 Yeah, hi.

8:28 Adam You're 18, what's up?

8:29 Caller I've been liking this guy for a while now and we finally got together about a little over a month ago and lately he's been telling me he loves me and he's in love with me and the problem my problem is I'm having a really hard time getting attached to him or getting close or letting myself love him back and I feel really bad because I'm like his first girlfriend and I'm like the girl that he's oh you know I want to spend forever with you and just having a really hard time like dealing with that.

8:59 Drew Let me understand what the problem is. Is it that this particular guy you don't want to get so close to and he's sort of creeping you out that he's so clingy or is it that in general you have trouble with close relationships?

9:12 Caller No it's kind of like I've been wanting to be with him and I finally do and it's just I'm scared like I think it has a lot to do with my ex-boyfriend it's just this guy's awesome he's like the sweetest guy and like he does everything for me it's just I'm just having a really hard time.

9:30 Drew What was the ex-boyfriend all about? Oh, I'll paint the picture for you.

9:35 Adam His name was Vince and he was gay. He was all sweet at the beginning but turned pretty quick over he was very jealous, possessive, didn't like her hanging out with her friends, any of the guy friends. Yeah, very aggressive guy, right?

9:53 Caller Yeah, exactly like magical how we knew that. I didn't have any friends we went out for two years.

10:00 Drew All right, but the deal is his name.

10:02 Caller Huh?

10:02 Adam What was his name?

10:03 Caller Josh.

10:04 Adam Josh? Wow, how do you pull that off? We don't like John.

10:08 Drew You know what? Everyone in the Midwest is named John.

10:10 Adam Oh, okay.

10:10 Drew You from the Midwest?

10:12 Caller Huh?

10:12 Drew Where are you from?

10:13 Caller Long Beach.

10:14 Adam Nope. Point well made there, Drew. But mid Western Long Beach, right? Yeah. Yeah, okay then. Now, so that's true. I think I made your point.

10:28 Drew Yeah, thank you.

10:29 Adam Okay, so anyway, the point is, this first guy was in a hole. You stayed with him for two years magically. And even though it wasn't, you know, you wanted to get out the whole time, he still sucked it up for two years. This next guy is a good guy. You can't handle it cause he's good. We hear this every night.

10:45 Caller Yeah.

10:45 Adam All right, so we're guessing your dad was a bad guy.

10:49 Caller I don't know my real father. And I have another dad that kind of mentally abused me.

10:55 Drew And how old was your dad like three? Were you like three when he left?

10:59 Caller I, no, I was one.

11:02 Drew One, okay.

11:02 Adam All right, so it all fits though. So you can't handle this guy because he's real and you don't want to get intimate with him. And as a matter of fact, you're not even attracted to him anymore because he's a good guy. Cause what's attraction?

11:17 Yeah.

11:19 Adam Especially for women.

11:20 Drew It's finishing that old business off.

11:22 Adam I mean, for guys, it's easy. It's like, all right, she's five, 10. She's got cans out to here, whatever. I mean, that's attraction. And even then, there's lots of elements that are woven.

11:32 Drew Strangely, even guys seem to still need that.

11:34 Adam A lot of stuff woven into that. But women, what's attraction to women? I mean, women aren't that aesthetically oriented. Right. I mean, they like an attractive guy and they like to see Ricky Martin shake his ass or whoever. But that's not the majority of them. They're attracted to something else. And what is that? It's daddy. And why so attracted to the abusive guy? Daddy.

11:59 Drew Abusive dad.

12:00 Adam There you go. All right, so she's not going to be physically. And you know what? There's nothing she can do.

12:04 Drew Well.

12:05 Adam 18.

12:06 Drew You know what she can do? She's trying. She's aware it's a good guy. She can really hang in with this, really try to evoke some closeness and see if she's able to find some meaning and some growth out of it. She has to grow though. Because in her current state, she will not accept what's going on with him.

12:22 Adam Listen, the only way she's going to work this is if she finds the way back machine.

12:29 Drew All right, Mr. Peabody.

12:30 Adam Which Mr. Peabody's machine goes back eight years and gets into therapy, and then comes back for a day 18.

12:37 Drew We'll set the way back machine. Tell me, Sherman, where should we set the way back machine to work?

12:42 Adam Oh, Mr. Wizard. Was that Mr. Wizard?

12:45 Drew No, that was Rocky.

12:46 Adam Sherman and Peabody. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, Steven. Yeah, you're 13.

12:51 Caller Yeah, hey. Hey.

12:53 Caller What's up? How's it going?

12:54 Caller Good.

12:56 Caller I was at a party and I like had sex with this girl. Yeah.

13:03 Adam Yeah.

13:04 Yeah.

13:05 Adam I had sex with a milk carton when I was 13.

13:08 Drew A milk carton, seriously?

13:10 Adam Yeah.

13:10 Drew Well, hang on. Well, well, Steven.

13:12 Adam No, I didn't. But, you know, had I thought about it, I think I would have. Yeah.

13:19 Caller All right.

13:19 Adam I'm just making a joke there, Drew. I didn't actually have sex with a milk carton at 13.

13:23 Drew I would have to check the reality out with you.

13:24 Adam Jesus Christ.

13:26 Caller But, and she said that she missed her period, and I'm really afraid of what's going to happen. Like, is she going to, like, get pregnant? Or, and if she does, she's like Catholic, and she's totally against abortion.

13:40 Adam Yeah.

13:41 Drew This will be interesting.

13:42 Adam How old was she?

13:44 Caller She's 14.

13:45 Adam And what kind of party was it?

13:47 Caller Like, kind of like the, like, parents not home party.

13:51 Adam What room were you guys in?

13:55 Caller The master bedroom.

13:56 Adam Her parents' room?

13:57 Caller Yep.

13:58 Adam On the parents' bed?

14:00 Hell yeah.

14:01 Adam Oh, man. And did she live there?

14:05 Drew No. How long ago did this happen?

14:07 Caller About a month ago.

14:08 Drew Oh, boy.

14:09 Adam And how old were the kids that were living in the house?

14:13 Caller Our age, around 14.

14:14 Adam Oh, man. I'll tell you. I'm going to seal my house up. I have kids when I leave.

14:23 Drew Well, now you have the Internet. You put Internet cams in every room, hidden in the walls somewhere, and then just observe.

14:29 Adam Really?

14:31 Drew And then some sort of system that will hook back through the net, through the web, in your house with a PA system. That's what I'm going to do.

14:40 Adam Oh, Jesus, you're screwed. All right. So is he 13? Can you get someone pregnant at 13?

14:47 Drew Oh, yes.

14:47 Adam I know, yes, but I mean, really?

14:51 Drew Yes, really.

14:52 Adam I know, but what is the, why is it different at 13 than at 17? It is a little different, isn't it?

14:58 Drew Mostly because, I would imagine, because male sperm production is not at full force yet, and women's ovulatory cycles are not real regular yet.

15:07 Caller All right.

15:07 Drew So it's a little bit of a mismatch.

15:09 Caller All right.

15:09 Adam And how long ago did this happen, did he say?

15:11 Drew A month.

15:11 Adam A month. All right. Listen, wear a condom, you idiot. I damn you for getting late at 13.

15:18 Drew He's got to tell his parents or somebody that he can rely on because he needs some help.

15:22 Adam Well, he's got to wait and see.

15:24 Drew Yeah, but in the meantime, he really, he obviously, he looks, this kid needs some guidance.

15:28 Adam Okay.

15:29 Drew Also, so just somebody you trust that's an adult to help you kind of negotiate all this.

15:33 Adam All right. Amanda.

15:35 Caller Yeah.

15:35 Adam You're 16.

15:37 Caller Hi. I have a confession.

15:40 Caller Yeah.

15:42 Caller My problem, I made that up.

15:44 Drew Okay.

15:45 Adam Oh, man.

15:47 Drew That's good.

15:47 Caller All right.

15:48 Caller Okay. Hey, Drew, really quickly before my question.

15:52 Adam Oh, Christ.

15:54 Caller Sorry. I'm sorry. What's her name? Oh, Priscilla. That's your daughter's name, right?

16:01 Drew No, but go ahead.

16:02 Caller Oh, okay. Sorry. I thought her name was Priscilla, but I guess I was wrong. Does she still like Fiona Apple?

16:09 Drew Yeah, she does, actually.

16:10 Caller Really? Because remember when you told that story about the stars on her belly button?

16:16 Drew Well, she was wearing these sort of like the stars that you do to drape around your Christmas tree.

16:21 Adam You mean when we were in San Jose and we introduced her on stage or something? Yeah. Oh, that's when I introduced your kids as Hansen.

16:30 Drew Right. Hansen was Hansen.

16:32 Adam And the crowd booed. And the kids were traumatized. That's six months therapy. Easy. Times three. Yeah, I was just making a joke. I didn't know the crowd would boo and traumatize. Well, there was only 18,000 people there. And the kids were like, I walked out on stage, 18,000 people booed me. Well, they're blonde. You know, it just it worked. The Hansen joke worked at the time, believe me. All right. So, yeah, Fiona Apple was there and Drew was talking about that. And what else, Amanda?

17:05 Caller Oh, okay. My real question.

17:07 Adam Yeah.

17:08 Caller My voice. My real question was, my doctor lied to me and he gave me trazodone. I think that's the name of it.

17:19 Drew As opposed to, oh yeah, as opposed to what?

17:21 Caller Anyway, so he told me it was for to help me fall asleep at night.

17:26 Drew That's what it's for.

17:27 Caller No, I looked it up in a health book and it said it causes heart attacks.

17:32 Drew Amanda.

17:33 Caller You should not use it for a sleeping pill. I'm so pissed at my doctor.

17:36 Drew Amanda. Hey, Amanda.

17:37 Adam Amanda, I'll take what you don't want.

17:40 Drew Amanda.

17:40 Adam Send it over.

17:42 Drew Are you ready to listen to me? Are you ready to listen to me?

17:45 Caller Yeah.

17:46 Drew Trazodone is prescribed as a sleeping med aid.

17:49 Caller I know, but it's in the book that you shouldn't use it as a sleeping pill.

17:52 Drew Listen to me. Okay. I prescribe it all the time and it's a non-addictive and very useful sister, assistance in sleeping. It's an antidepressant. It's called a quadricyclic antidepressant. I'll get you some.

18:04 Adam Score me some.

18:05 Drew But it's something you have to take every night.

18:07 Caller True, true, true.

18:08 Adam Every night?

18:09 Caller No, but I have really, really bad health because I have an eating disorder and so I can't risk having a heart attack.

18:16 Drew You will not have a heart attack from this medication.

18:18 Caller Well, it's in the book.

18:19 Adam All right.

18:20 Drew I don't know what book you're looking into but I have prescribed Trasadone 10,000 times.

18:24 Adam Let me just talk to Amanda for a second here. Amanda, quiet down and listen to the voice of reason here, please.

18:31 Caller What?

18:32 Adam You have problems emotionally.

18:34 Caller No.

18:35 Adam Bop, bop, bop, bop. I know you know that. I know it's been discussed before. Let's just lay it out on the table.

18:44 Caller I'm like over-

18:45 Adam Shut up, damn it. Just listen to me.

18:47 Caller I'm over it though.

18:49 Adam I know you think you are but I'm hearing it. So listen to me.

18:52 Caller Okay. I'm listening, Adam. You're so cute.

18:56 Adam There's four people here. There's me, there's Drew, there's your doctor, and then there's you. One of those four people has some problems emotionally. That's you. So we all say it's fine. Do what your doctor says and don't listen to you. That's the only problem.

19:14 Caller What about the book?

19:15 Adam Don't read any books. I told you reading is dangerous. I find that it it pollutes the mind.

19:23 Caller But it was like a doctor's book.

19:25 Adam All right. Listen to me, screwball. Do what your doctor said. Listen, Drew's a genius. Is he not?

19:31 Yes.

19:31 Adam All right. He just told you what it was for.

19:34 I don't want it to like.

19:35 Adam Oh, please. I feel sorry.

19:38 Drew Do you see what I deal with all day? That's just like my day right there.

19:42 Adam Well, listen, listen.

19:43 Drew My thing is, why don't come?

19:46 Adam Don't ask.

19:47 Drew But don't go to the doctor's office if you don't want to follow directions.

19:49 Adam Right. Okay. But listen to me.

19:51 Drew Enjoy.

19:52 Adam All you people that are nuts would be much better off if you just realized you were nuts and listen to other people.

20:00 Drew Imagine how their parents treated these people. That's the problem. So anybody in any position of any kind of authority, even if it's just helping, is suspect.

20:09 Adam I know. All right. Okay. We're going to take a little break. Why don't we come back? Who? Who, Drew?

20:15 Who?

20:16 Adam Who? We'll speak to...

20:18 Drew Drug questions.

20:21 Adam Vertigo? Hallucinated on math? Okay. We'll talk to Andrew about hallucinating on math after this.

20:47 Caller Oh, you're right there.

20:48 It's Loveline on WEDM.

21:10 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. You know what I love about this show, Drew? We get to say what we want to say. I was listening to some talk radio on Saturday, and I was listening to one of these, it was like a restaurant show. And this woman called up, and she said, and you know how much I hate people that like to write letters? A, because they're complaining, and B, because they're writing. But she called up the restaurant show, and I don't know what happens to people, especially women, but people in general, when they start hitting their 50s, they love to complain about nonsense. Now me, I complain about real world problems, like my trash man.

21:59 Drew Your life.

22:00 Adam Yeah, my life. You know, real problems. Problems you should all be sympathetic toward. But they're doing this restaurant show, and this woman calls up and she said, I want to tell you about a horrible experience I had. We went over to Chez Noir out in Long Beach for Mother's Day. And it was about seven o'clock in the evening. And you're going to hear from their cadence, like, oh honey, I want to put a pistol to your head. All right. And they start doing that. They start doing that commentary where they go, we planned on enjoying ourselves. You know, it's like, no, you went to the restaurant to have an assy time. You know what I mean? Like that side commentary, people were in a fine mood. And we even commented that the decor was nice. I remember. And we sat down. And the first thing that happened is they were out of bread. Now we did have one loaf, but when we asked for a second loaf, they were out of bread. So it's like, I'm thinking, all right, that's a one and a half on the, you know, complain a meal. First off, you hog, you already ate the first loaf. Second thing that happened was the entree showed up before the salad. Now the waitress seemed apologetic and the manager seemed apologetic, but I don't know. He offered a bottle of wine, but of course we don't drink. And he offered some dessert and we respectfully declined that. And I want to write a letter. And I'm thinking to myself, listen, you cow, all they did was the steak arrived before the Caesar salad did. And then the manager came by and offered you a bottle of wine. Shut your pie hole. And then when you said, we don't drink, he said, well, how about some dessert? And you said, no, thanks. Now you got to rattle. You got to run a letter off. What's the letter say? You were too efficient with the entree. We had to eat the salad while we were eating the pork chops. I mean, what the what the S do you say on that? And here's the thing that made me very thankful to have this job. And, you know, I rarely think that way, but I really did as I was standing around the car wash. This poor son of a bitch comment, I think it was on 97.1, but I can't remember exactly. Maybe it was an AM station. It was a cooking show. For some reason, I think people only eat on the weekends in LA because every show is cooking or computers. But this poor guy was like, I would recommend writing a letter, no more than one page. You know, and I'm thinking to myself, I'm yelling at the radio going, listen, I don't know what your beef is, but it's not with the restaurant. Now, the guy offered you a bottle of wine, you're lucky you didn't take a swing at you, you old cow.

24:47 Drew She wasn't about to be satisfied. She was looking for trouble.

24:50 Adam Looking for trouble. But the point is, is the host had to explain to her very tactfully, so as not to stir any trouble up for himself, very cordially, how to go about composing a complaint letter about something that never warranted a complaint. And I was thinking, if I had this bitch on my show, I'd be yelling what a pain in the ass she was. Ten syllables into that question, I'd be going, listen, honey, you are a pain in my ass. And I'd spit in that salad if I brought it to you. And I thought, what an injustice it was for her not to hear that, because now she's going to write a letter to someone who's not going to care. Do you know what I'm saying? How great it would have been for this guy to yell at her what a pain in the ass she was. And I'm sure that's what he was thinking, but he couldn't say anything. And that's the beauty of this show. Chris, you're driving me nuts, you pain in the ass.

25:45 Drew What's up, Chris?

25:46 Caller Just in time, I just pulled over. I'm on the road here. I'm sorry about the cell phone.

25:50 Adam That's all right. Are you driving a truck?

25:52 Caller Yes, I am.

25:54 Adam A big 18 wheeler?

25:56 Caller Yep.

25:57 Adam Wow, how much does it cost to fill one of those up?

25:59 Caller Doesn't cost me a thing. My company pays for it.

26:02 Adam Let me write that down. Okay, now I know. Next time I'm at some sort of dinner party, if someone asks me, I'll have an answer for them. How much does it cost one to fill up a truck?

26:15 Caller Oh man, I would imagine two or three hundred dollars.

26:21 Adam Okay, you drive a truck for a living, right?

26:23 Caller Yes, I do.

26:24 Adam Okay, and you don't know what it costs to fill up the diesel there?

26:27 Caller No, because it's filled up for me. I just drive it.

26:30 Adam All right.

26:31 Caller But, anyways.

26:33 Adam What kind of mileage does that thing get?

26:35 Caller Oh man, I don't know.

26:37 Adam Boy, you love...

26:38 Caller I don't know that far. I never use a full tank.

26:40 Adam You love your job, buddy.

26:42 Caller Yeah, I do.

26:42 Adam All right, what's your question?

26:44 Caller Anyways, I was wondering, you know, I've heard other callers talk about marijuana being stored in the fat and can be released. I was wondering if methamphetamine does the same thing.

26:55 Drew You're worrying about a drug test?

26:57 Caller Well, I quit doing it about seven years ago, and of course, I gained a bunch of weight. Now I'm working on losing the weight, and I'm wondering if it's going to serve it.

27:05 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

27:07 Adam Hold on, trucker doing meth?

27:10 Drew Shocking, isn't it?

27:11 Adam I haven't heard about this. Hey, Chris, do you have all that junk you plug into your cigarette lighter?

27:17 Caller No, no, no.

27:18 Adam Or you don't do that because you don't do long hauls?

27:21 Caller No, just on Sundays. I go from the Bay Area to Fresno, and then the rest of the week, I work in our yard, moving trailers and loading a train.

27:31 Adam Alright, good times. Alright, Chris, don't worry, it's not your fat.

27:35 Drew No, not the fat.

27:36 Adam But it's bad for you, you know?

27:38 Caller Oh yeah, I know.

27:38 Adam Yeah, okay. All right, just as long as you know.

27:40 Drew Bye guys, take care.

27:41 Adam Oh, all right.

27:43 Drew Talk more about Beth here.

27:44 Adam Andrew?

27:45 Yes.

27:45 Adam Oh, yeah, that's right. You're 19, what's up?

27:48 Caller Well, first of all, I just want to say you guys are great. Me and my girl listen to you every night.

27:53 Adam Thank you.

27:54 Caller And it's nice to sit there and have a, at the end of the day, to sit there and listen to something that's funny over the radio.

28:00 Adam Good.

28:01 Caller All right. Actually, it ain't exactly, I didn't exactly hallucinate off of speed and my girl didn't, but what happened was a couple of weekends ago, me and my girl did some pink champagne, which is speed, a type of speed. And-

28:18 Drew Tell me what kind of speed. That's interesting.

28:20 Caller It was called pink champagne. It was just regular mesofenamine.

28:25 Drew What makes it pink champagne?

28:28 Caller You know what? I don't know.

28:29 Adam It's got a little goat's blood in it, I think.

28:31 Caller Yeah, it makes you nice and hyper. But-

28:34 Drew It's a little Cabo champagne.

28:35 Caller Yeah. When we did it, my girl, we started, me and my girl started to make out with each other. And in the process of us making out with each other, she, I guess, I didn't realize that she was totally normal. But we were sitting there making out, and then all of a sudden, she just kind of like, I don't know, came to, and she told me that she didn't remember anything that just happened. And we sat there and we talked about it, and she was always talking to me. She was answering questions that I was asking her. But-

29:12 Drew Was she doing anything besides math?

29:15 Caller No, it was just, just that.

29:17 Drew Does she have any other medical problems?

29:19 Caller Me, I have asthma.

29:21 Drew And her?

29:22 Caller Her? No.

29:24 Drew And how long was the period of amnesia?

29:26 Caller For what?

29:27 Drew What period of time does she not remember?

29:29 Caller Well-

29:30 Drew Roughly.

29:31 Caller The eighties.

29:32 Drew I mean, five minutes, an hour, a day?

29:34 Caller It was like, Roughly. No. Let's see, it was the two hour, about two to three hours. She remembers-

29:43 Drew Roughly. Roughly, five minutes?

29:46 Adam Sorry. All right, hold on. Every game, I composure. How long? How long, Andrew?

29:56 Caller 15 minutes.

29:57 Drew 15 minutes, all right, good. Well, there's something called transient global amnesia that can occur. It's most typically actually a sign of a stroke, but certainly it can happen with substances. I've seen it mostly with alcoholics.

30:09 Caller Okay.

30:09 Drew Was she drinking a bunch then?

30:11 Caller No, not at all.

30:12 Drew Does she drink a bunch?

30:13 Caller No.

30:13 Drew Does she do a lot of pot?

30:15 Caller No.

30:16 Drew Well, I've not seen it with speed myself.

30:19 Adam All right, what should she do?

30:20 Drew It is important that she see a doctor because speed can induce strokes, and it's a possible thing, it's possibly a small stroke.

30:27 Caller Okay. Well, we figured it was some kind of drug like a-

30:33 Adam Hey, Andrew?

30:34 Caller Or something, yes.

30:35 Adam Yeah. Well, we don't care what you figured.

30:38 Drew Did you hear what I just said?

30:39 Caller Okay.

30:40 Drew Wait, did you hear what I said though?

30:43 Caller No.

30:44 Drew Okay. Let me say it again. Okay. Transient global amnesia, most common-

30:48 Adam Oh, don't say that part, Jackass.

30:49 Drew Which is what she had is most commonly associated with a stroke.

30:53 Caller Okay.

30:54 Drew And speed can cause a stroke.

30:56 Caller Okay.

30:56 Drew So she may have had a stroke. So she's got to go see a neurologist, a doctor. Yeah.

31:01 Adam Now, what do you do? She get a PET scan?

31:02 Drew She gets MRI. Yeah.

31:04 Adam Really?

31:04 Oh yeah.

31:05 Drew Absolutely. Nothing can do about it. But if she's doing that much speed, that's happening. She needs treatment. So sort of get her into the system that way.

31:11 Adam Hey, Drew, I want a nice, I got to give myself a nice workup, you know?

31:17 Drew You know what it's got?

31:18 Adam I give myself the finger in the ass, the PET scan, the shop scan, the CAT scan.

31:24 Drew Why? It's not gonna change your behavior, right? Why bother?

31:27 Adam Oh, how dare you? How dare you? And I'll look for any excuse to say, how dare you, twice. I'd like to get the finger in the butt.

31:41 Drew You like?

31:43 Adam Get the, I mean, what is like, I mean, here's what I, okay.

31:46 Drew Now you're literally a millionaire. You want to protect yourself.

31:49 Adam I'm literally a millionaire. Yeah. I'm like, whatever. Well, you see this.

31:52 Drew Well, your cash register.

31:53 Adam This is the cash register here. That's my face. But, you know, no, here's what I want to, here's what I want to say. You know, can't, explain this. And I'm not talking about the masses. I'm talking about me.

32:06 Drew Oh yeah. Especially you.

32:08 Adam Okay.

32:08 Drew Yeah. Okay.

32:09 Adam Okay. I'm 35 years old.

32:11 Drew Okay.

32:11 Adam Now for all I know, I got some kind of cancer in me right now that I'm not aware of, right?

32:16 Drew Very unlikely.

32:16 Adam Very unlikely. Very unlikely. But you never know, right? What's wrong with once a year going through a full battery of things?

32:24 Drew Oh, you should.

32:25 Adam Oh, you should.

32:26 Drew Oh, it's a good idea. At 40, you really, at 50, you definitely should. At 40, not a bad idea. At least once during your 30s is a very good idea.

32:34 Adam A full battery of tests.

32:35 Drew Full everything.

32:36 Adam Now does that mean, you know, like a CAT scan?

32:39 Drew We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. Because since you are literally a millionaire.

32:42 Adam I'm literally a millionaire. I got to buy the hospital if I want to rename it.

32:46 Drew We could talk about the super, super work up that you could have.

32:50 Adam How much does something like that cost?

32:52 Drew Because your insurance company would not pay for it.

32:54 Adam They wouldn't?

32:55 Drew No.

32:55 Adam Even if it was to protect the cash register?

32:57 Drew They'd probably pay for part of it. I bet it'd be about $600, something like that.

33:03 Adam $600?

33:03 Caller Yeah.

33:05 Adam I'd drop that on a bottle of wine. $600? That's not that much.

33:13 Drew That's a lot.

33:14 Caller Wow.

33:14 Adam That's a lot for people who are literally a millionaire.

33:17 Drew In healthcare right now, if you charge me $35, it's a big deal.

33:20 Adam I know. But $600 is to stave off brain cancer or something. It's not bad, right?

33:30 Drew The system is all screwed up right now. Yeah, I agree.

33:32 Adam I thought he was going to say a couple of grand, didn't you? And wait a minute. Like an MRI. That was like $1,100.

33:40 Drew You don't need it anymore.

33:40 Adam Yeah, I didn't need one on my hand either after you sent me to that quack.

33:43 Drew No, you don't need it anymore.

33:44 Adam Put me in a trash can and beat up with a wooden spoon for an hour until I went insane.

33:48 Drew Sigmoid Labs, EKG, physical exam, most important thing.

33:51 Adam Treadmill?

33:53 Drew Maybe. Not conceivably. Not a bad idea.

33:57 Adam All right. And what time do they come over? It's not going to them.

34:01 Drew Whenever you invite them.

34:02 Adam Okay. We'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll talk to Josh who's suffering from vertigo after this.

34:14 Caller We'll be right back with more.

34:46 Adam All right. Yeah. Yeah, it's a lightening around tonight. Kitties, I got a fresh charge on my battery. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. And you're going to be hearing... We're gonna be hearing more, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Tonight, when we hit that lightning round. You don't know what time it is? I'll tell you what time it is when we hit that lightning round tonight. Yay! Yay, Josh?

35:22 Caller Hi.

35:22 Adam You're 16.

35:23 Caller Hi, I broke my collarbone about a year ago, and I got vertigo.

35:27 Drew Where are you calling from, Josh?

35:28 Caller Stockton.

35:29 Drew Stockton.

35:30 Caller And I still get it sometimes.

35:33 Adam The vertigo.

35:34 Drew Yeah.

35:34 Adam You get dizzy when you, and now is that only when you're standing?

35:38 Drew No, no, no. It's different kinds of vertigo. You mean the room kind of spins around? Yeah.

35:42 Caller I close my eyes and I feel like I'm spinning.

35:44 Drew Yeah. But the room, you don't actually see the room spin.

35:46 No.

35:47 Drew And what makes it occur?

35:49 No, if I'm just staying real still and I'm laying down.

35:52 Drew In the process of laying down?

35:54 No.

35:55 Caller I've been laying down for like 10 minutes.

35:56 Drew And then if you turn over, does it come on?

35:58 No.

35:59 Caller If I'm just laying on my back.

36:01 Drew It's not really vertigo. I wonder what that is.

36:04 Adam That's a booze-a-go where you're drinking.

36:09 Caller No.

36:10 Adam You know, it's weird. You know how you get the spins when you've been drinking, you lay down? I got a good side and a bad side for my spins.

36:18 Caller Right.

36:19 Adam I don't know why does everyone have that? You know what I mean? It's like I try to sleep on my right side, but the spinning gets a little too much, so I shift over to my left side and it slows down. How does that work? You know what I'm saying?

36:32 Drew Well, there are these semi-circular canals in your ear that sort of circulate fluid in different directions depending on your position and all, and so it can make sense to me that there might be some positional difference to it.

36:44 Adam And the point is, and the thing that helps the spinning when you're drunk is to shift. You're lying down, you settle in, you start spinning, you shift, and it takes you a little while to settle into the spin again.

36:56 Drew Again, it's different than intoxication, but with positional types of vertigo, it's the movement in the plane where there's a problem that triggers these things.

37:04 Adam Well, what should he do?

37:06 Drew I'm not quite sure what, did a doctor ever look into this?

37:09 Adam No.

37:10 Drew I'm not quite sure what this is.

37:11 Adam Well, you may be misdiagnosing yourself.

37:13 Drew Yeah, you need to talk to a doctor about it. It makes me at least a passing concern that there's some sort of vascular problem, since it was a clavicle injury that triggered this. You get various kinds of steels of arterial blood into the arm and things, and boy, I would sure look into that. A real vertigo is usually a positional thing that's triggered in response to movement.

37:33 Adam Go to the doctor. Mandy?

37:35 Caller Yes?

37:35 Adam You're 16.

37:37 Caller Okay.

37:37 Adam What's up?

37:38 Caller Two weeks ago, I found out that I was pregnant, and I just tested with my boyfriend, and he wants me to have an abortion, but I really don't want to do that because it's like totally against what I want to do. I want to have the baby.

37:54 Drew How about adoption?

37:56 Caller Well, I want to have the baby, but I'm afraid that if I tell my parents, they'll agree with him.

38:03 Adam How about adoption?

38:06 Drew How about adoption?

38:07 Caller I don't know. It's just I want to have the baby.

38:10 Drew Oh, boy. Do you know what the word adoption means?

38:12 Caller Yes, I do.

38:13 Drew Okay. You can still have the baby and then give it to parents who are ready to raise it.

38:17 Adam Well, I think she means keep the baby. You keep saying have the baby, but it's a confusing term when we're talking about abortion, abortion versus adoption. I agree. The Sean part, the Sean at the end, confusing. You know, like when I'm in charge, first thing I'm going to do, push, pull, I'm going to make it totally different letters. I'm going to replace pull with yank. How many times you hit that door, the restaurant at the diner, that big aluminum door, because you just see the PU there, pow. You know what I'm saying, Mandy? Yank. No confusion there. Yeah. So I think it's the Sean part. But you understand that abortion means they suck the baby out of you and kill it.

39:03 Caller Yes. I'm not having that.

39:05 Adam Although I don't prefer to think of it as a baby, even later in its years. And then the other one, you actually have the baby, but you give it to somebody to raise.

39:15 Caller Yes, I know.

39:16 Adam You understand that.

39:17 Drew Somebody isn't prepared.

39:18 Adam Who's really ready to give birth to you. So how about the second one where you have the baby and then you give it to someone to raise?

39:24 Caller I don't think I can do that. I mean, after all that I would be going through.

39:29 Drew But wouldn't you want to make a decision that's best for the child?

39:33 Caller True.

39:34 Adam What if they paid you 50 grand? Would you do it?

39:37 Caller I don't think money makes a difference.

39:39 Adam It doesn't?

39:41 Caller No.

39:41 Adam Man, it does when you don't have enough to raise a kid though.

39:44 Drew Are you just testing to see if you could develop a master plan here around this?

39:48 Adam I was ready to pass the hat.

39:49 Drew Right.

39:50 Adam All right. So, Mandy, you're going to have to... What about calling Planned Parenthood or a place like that and just talking to a counselor and trying to figure out your options?

40:01 Caller Well, I'm seeing a counselor right now.

40:02 Adam Oh, you're right.

40:04 Drew Good.

40:05 Adam Well, let's see what they have to say. Talk this out then. How pregnant are you? Two months. All right. So you got to make a call here pretty soon, right? All right. I go abortion. I know Drew goes adoption. All right. OK. That's our opinion.

40:23 Caller OK.

40:23 Adam All right, Manny. Good luck.

40:25 Caller Bye.

40:25 Adam Bye. Now, listen, the point is, is when you're pregnant, there's really a call in the radio show is not going to get anything to go away. You got a hard decision to make. There's no doubt about it.

40:36 Drew I wonder what she was looking for. It has to condemn her boyfriend for not supporting her.

40:41 Adam Well, I think she just was in pain and confused.

40:44 Drew And wanted some connection.

40:46 Adam Right. Jeremy.

40:48 Hey, yeah.

40:48 Adam You're 20. What's up?

40:50 Caller First, I want to know when you guys are going to do the test to see if you've got warts on your Johnson.

40:54 Adam Yeah. What is that?

40:55 Drew Drilling to do that in. I keep forgetting.

40:58 Adam What do you got to bring in, Drew?

41:00 Drew Special light and some vinegar and my courage. Just vinegar and some gloves.

41:06 Adam You better bring in a flask to have a nip off of something. You better bring in some fortified wine or something.

41:12 Drew And not surgeon gloves. It's going to be like those yellow latex gloves that-

41:15 Adam Yeah, it'll be gardening gloves.

41:17 Drew Yeah.

41:17 Adam Yeah. There'll be burlap on top and vulcanized rubber at the bottom.

41:21 Drew Oh, yes.

41:22 Adam Tire thickness.

41:23 Drew Are the kinds of people you use like to pick up molten lead and stuff?

41:25 Adam They use stuff glass blowers use.

41:27 Drew There you go. That's what I want. I got to find a pair of those before we even think about this.

41:32 Adam Now, hold on.

41:32 Drew And some special eyewear.

41:34 Adam Why do you have to handle my welder's mask?

41:38 Drew Welder's mask is what I want.

41:39 Adam Why do you have to handle my Johnson to do this task? Why do you have to handle it?

41:43 Drew I guess I have to be able to search it around, look around on it.

41:49 Adam It's going to be surreal because there'll be nothing but black light in there, right?

41:52 Drew Black light and me in a welder's mask with huge gloves on. Well, if it's going to happen.

41:57 Adam Yeah, because you could be blinded. It's like looking into an eclipse by the beauty and the breathtaking splendor of my penis. I prefer the majesty that is my penis. Yeah, Drew, I'm telling you, I'll put a hundred bucks on this.

42:15 Drew We got it going on this. I'm telling you.

42:16 Adam A hundred bucks. You bring in the vinegar and the black light. We'll go to the bathroom. We'll make a segment out of it. Thank you for bringing that up, Jeremy. Now, what's your question?

42:26 Drew I got to remember, you got to call me during the day to remind me, right? Because it's not going to be a small project to get this all together.

42:31 Adam All right.

42:32 Caller Yeah, I'm putting money that you do have, Ward. It's not against-

42:33 Drew Of course he does.

42:35 Adam The smart money's on my penis. Just play the odds.

42:39 Caller Just play the odds.

42:40 Adam How dare you?

42:42 Caller There you go. Well, I'm calling because I said, four of my wisdom teeth pulled out about two weeks ago, and they put me on Vicodin. And whenever I take it, I'll go to lay down, whatever not, I get paranoid. And I want to know if that's a normal after effect.

42:57 Drew No, it's not a normal one, but it's, consider yourself lucky that you're not one of the people that really likes how they feel on Vicodin.

43:03 Caller Well, that's, I mean, the pain's somewhat gone away, and I'm finishing the bottle, and they gave me two bottles. And I was just wondering because some kid offered me 50 bucks for my bottle, and he said it's like cocaine.

43:15 Drew No, it's like heroin. And it's very, it's one of the more commonly used, abused chemicals. It's an opioid. And if anybody has any doubt about the biological basis of addiction, imagine Jeremy being addicted to Vicodin. No way. He feels like crap when he takes the Vicodin. He hallucinates, which I've had some patients develop overwhelming depression. They just sob and they feel awful. Yeah. Guess what? You're not going to become addicted to that.

43:39 Adam Come on. Your mouth is killing you. You're going to feel bad.

43:42 Drew No, no. I've had people like after.

43:43 Adam I know. Listen, I tried that Vicodin and did nothing. Even after a couple of beers, still nothing.

43:49 Drew Did you smoke pot on it too?

43:51 Adam No. I wish I thought of that. I was too drunk. All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

43:57 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

44:00 Adam Well, it's worth hearing.

44:15 Caller W-E-B-N Cincinnati.

44:48 Adam Yep, yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Yeah, just reading the lovely video. Lovely, I don't know why I said video. Reading video, yeah, lovely facts that had the word video on it. I had to say it on the air. All right, where are we here, Drew? Let's go to four. Give the phone number out.

45:14 Drew 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, here we go.

45:16 Adam There you go, Amy.

45:18 Drew Yeah.

45:18 Adam What's up?

45:19 Caller What's up? Adam, this is basically a question for you. I figured you can answer it best. When I'm asked to wait, I can't get off. I've tried everything. And for some reason, I can't get off.

45:35 Adam Yeah.

45:36 Drew Annie, listen to this.

45:37 Adam Seventeen. Yeah. What have you tried?

45:40 Dildo.

45:42 Caller I've tried magazines. I've tried...

45:45 Adam Well, you gotta roll those up pretty tight, don't you?

45:47 Caller I've tried like reading to find my G-spot and it just hasn't worked.

45:54 Adam Did you follow the Trail of Popcorn? Hansel and Gretel left? Did Hansel and Gretel leave that Trail of Popcorn through the woods or...

46:02 Drew Breadcrumbs.

46:03 Adam Oh, breadcrumbs. Hey, Amy. Yeah, I think Greg Brady left the Trail of Popcorn when he was looking for the cave in Hawaii or something. But now you say dildo. Do you mean vibrator?

46:18 Caller Well, yeah. And I've tried it on and off and it just doesn't work.

46:23 Adam I see. And you know, you're 17. You may not have found that spot yet. There's a certain... Let me explain. The vagina? Yes. It's like an avocado. Even kind of looks like one if you think about it. You know, you go to the store to buy an avocado and you know, it's like, it's hard as a rock. You can't take it home and put it in the salad that night. It's not edible.

46:48 Drew But when it's ready.

46:49 Adam You got to put it in a paper bag and put it like on the window sill for about three or four days. And then it's ready. Yeah. And your vagina is hard and green. And it's got a big pit in it. And it may need to sit in a paper bag on the window sill.

47:09 Drew It keeps it from going brown, though.

47:11 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

47:12 Drew Leave that in there.

47:12 Caller Yeah.

47:12 Adam Leave the pit in. But it may need to sit on the sill for a little bit.

47:17 Caller Like compare it to a peach or something.

47:19 Adam Yeah. All right. Now, listen, I love guacamole.

47:22 Drew The deal is that this is hooked up to your central nervous system. And that's the part you haven't figured out yet.

47:25 Caller Yes. I've gotten off before like a partner, but...

47:28 Adam Oh, really? What kind of partner?

47:31 Caller Well, a female. And like...

47:33 Drew Oh, boy. No, Campbell?

47:37 Caller No, like I've gotten off before.

47:39 Adam Yeah, with a female?

47:40 Caller Yes.

47:41 Adam And when she performed oral sex on you?

47:43 Caller Yes.

47:44 Adam But never a male?

47:45 Caller Um, no.

47:46 Adam Hmm. Are you lesbian?

47:48 Caller Yes.

47:49 Adam Uh-huh. What happened to you?

47:51 Caller Nothing.

47:51 Adam Nobody screwed with you?

47:53 Caller What?

47:54 Adam Nobody molested you? No. Where's your dad?

47:58 Caller He's divorced, but I love him, and he talks to me every day, and I see him all the time.

48:03 Adam Every day? Wow. And so he lives in town?

48:07 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

48:08 Adam Is he gay?

48:09 Caller No. Happily married.

48:12 Adam To a man?

48:13 Caller No.

48:14 Adam No. All right. So you're just lesbian? Yeah. Okay. Why don't you try the faucet, you know, go in the tub?

48:22 Caller I tried it.

48:23 Adam It didn't work either? Well, we're all, we're going to turn over the cards then, because we're all out of suggestions. Just give it some time. Where's your lesbian friend?

48:33 Caller Well, I'm single right now.

48:35 Adam All right.

48:35 Drew Well, how old was she?

48:37 Caller Well, when I had up, the same age.

48:39 Drew Where the hell were you?

48:41 Caller Um, let's see, first time, 16 and a half.

48:45 Adam And she was how old?

48:47 Caller I was about 16 and a half. So was she?

48:49 Adam Same age.

48:50 Caller Yeah.

48:50 Adam Okay. And that's the only woman you've been with?

48:53 Caller Yeah.

48:54 Adam Okay. Well, you got to find yourself another one.

48:57 Caller I'll try. I'll try.

48:59 Adam Okay. Are you doing all right in the school?

49:01 Caller Yeah.

49:02 Adam Yeah?

49:02 Caller Yeah.

49:03 Adam All right. You do good. You go off to an all-girl school. Okay?

49:08 Caller Okay.

49:08 Adam You know, it's weird. You know, those all-girl schools are clearly lesbian institutions, but the all-boys schools, those aren't, those aren't, you know, it's not like gay you over there. They don't have all-boy colleges, do they?

49:21 Drew No, they don't have that anymore. But when they did, they were sort of extra male.

49:24 Adam Yeah. You got to compensate for looking at penis all week long by raping on the weekends.

49:30 Drew But no, they're nothing against the law. We can't have that.

49:33 Adam Can't have the all-male school. But obviously they outlawed the all-female school at the same time.

49:38 Drew Of course not.

49:39 Adam Right? Well, you can, you know, they got the black colleges and the white colleges. I mean, there's certain things like that, right? Yeah, you got to accept that. I understand. White men are evil. We deserve what we get. Brad?

49:53 Caller Yes, sir.

49:54 Adam I mean, look at the founding fathers, all white males. See my point?

49:58 Caller Yep.

49:59 Adam You're 24. What's up?

50:00 Caller I got a friend, a female friend, and she's got an abnormal amount of facial hair. I wondered, one, what could cause it, besides just extra testosterone, and two, how can I approach a subject with it?

50:13 Adam Why do you want to?

50:15 Caller Because I'm her friend. I feel bad for her. I'd like to see if something can be done about it.

50:20 Adam Yeah.

50:21 Drew Well, it certainly could be. There's all these different laser techniques now that can take care of that. It actually is not a trivial question, because there are what are called androgenizing tumors. Again, things that produce testosterone and hormones like that. Polycystic ovarian disease, PCO, or Stein-Leventhal syndrome is associated with irregular periods, a little bit overweight. Sometimes diabetes. That's why it's important to know about that. It's important that you prepare for that possibility.

50:48 Adam All right. Well, here's what you do. And this is just a... it's a good loveline answer. It's what I usually do with the smelly foo-foo, which is... That's Brad we're talking about. You were listening to Loveline. You heard Drew. Some girl called in, said she had a little extra facial hair. Drew seemed a little concerned, said it could be the Stein-Leventhal, could be a tumor, could be this, could be that.

51:10 Drew Congenital adrenal hyperplasia?

51:12 Adam Yeah. Like that stoner's going to figure that one out. Him and a stenographer couldn't relay that message. But the point is, is he noticed that you had a little fur on the cheek. And because he loves you so much, was worried that maybe you had one of those many things that Drew spoke about. So maybe you should go get yourself checked out just because I love you.

51:35 Drew And then that sort of gets the ball rolling. So you get the medical work up there. But you can also talk about the cosmetic stuff. Yeah.

51:41 Adam Well, I bet she'll bring it up and say she's aware of it.

51:44 Drew Yeah.

51:45 Adam It's weird, though, when people ever see like those old black women who have mustaches and beards. It's weird.

51:53 Drew A lot of most old women get that.

51:55 Adam Yeah. But it really old black women shows up more. Ever see that? Like a beard. You know, like old old white woman has has like the mole with the long hairs grown out of it, you know. I mean, you know, you know, I don't like to do this, Drew, but I like to break a hair growth up into nationalities.

52:13 Drew Ethnicities.

52:14 Adam Yeah. There's the Chinese guy who has like the five hairs grown off his chin that doesn't seem like he wants to cut it for some religious reason or something. You know, that guy, the weird China chin guy, not haven't quite figured that one out yet. Then there's the then there's the old Jewish guy with the hair and the ear and the mole and the nostril hair, you know, that's that's mole stuff. Now, the black women, they get a little beard, they get a little whiskers on their chin, not so much the upper lip, not the goatee, but more of the, more of the Van Dyke. What is that just on the chin? Yeah, soul patch, you know, but it's on the chin, it's real whiskery, right on the chin. And then, then there's the hairy chicks who bleach their mustache blonde and don't think they don't look like Nick Nolte from 20 years back. Listen, we've talked about this, but it has been a little while. Ladies, you gotta pull that hair off. You know, I went to, I went to a, I swear to God, Ann, you're gonna like this story. I went to a beauty supply place, because I was doing a man show bit last season. And there came in a beautiful woman. She was a dark skinned woman, and she was kind of mulatto or something, but she's a very attractive woman. And she came in looking for mustache bleach, and she had a mustache on. I mean, she had, I mean, like I said, at a certain point it ain't bleach, it's dye. You know what I mean? It's like you're going blonde on the stash. Like you dye your hair or your eyebrows, you know? And because we're doing a comedy bit, I said to her flat out, honey, you're gonna walk out of here with a blonde mustache. And it's, you know, everyone's gonna notice just as much. It's just gonna be funky on you now because you're dark skinned. Why don't we take you in the back room and wax you up? And she said, all right. And man, I put some wax on her upper lip and yanked that thing off and looked like a carpet sample in my hand. I mean, there was a ton on there. But she walked, I mean, she walked out of the place, you know, five minutes later. I did the waxing myself and she was hairless up there. And I'm just saying for the amount of time it takes to bleach the stash, you might as well just wax it. I mean, and tell me, is it more? You don't, you don't need that because you're perfect physically, physically perfect. But doesn't it seem like there's a certain amount of trouble in in bleaching the mustache? I mean, that takes an hour, doesn't it?

54:47 Drew No.

54:48 Adam Half an hour?

54:49 Drew 15 minutes.

54:50 Adam Okay, but how long is the wax take? Exactly. You know what I mean? Yeah, and you get a much better result.

54:58 Drew Maybe it's the pain that some women are afraid of.

55:00 Adam Yeah, but it's women are pretty good at that with the bikini line and the legs and the, you know, it's just in the childbirth and and whatnot. You know, I mean, it's just, it wasn't bad. She did it to my eyebrow.

55:11 Drew I see a new, maybe a man show better, even possibly something on this show.

55:15 Adam I'll tell you.

55:15 Drew Adam Cosmetology Corp.

55:17 Adam Adam stands at beauty shops and explains to women what they're wasting their money on.

55:24 Drew What the alternatives ought to be.

55:25 Adam Honey, honey, let me see what he got there. Unicorn decals for the nails. Hold on. Let's have a little talk. Now, I see you have a huge ass. Now, I'm just coming from a man's perspective here. You know what I'm saying? Ladies, all the hair dye and the mustache wax and the French dip on the nails, none of it will replace just little oral sacs and a few more miles on that treadmill. That's really what guys want. Never cared about a woman's nails. Never, what about all that penciled in eyebrow and all that stuff? It drew jewelry. It stopped me if I'm wrong here.

56:07 Drew How about lingerie?

56:09 Adam Lingerie, don't care about lingerie either. Oh, I could make a list. I gotta write a book. It's gonna say, ladies, here's what we don't care about. And it's gonna be a list of 5,000 things that women do and spend tons of money and time on. The guys, in the name of guys, the guys don't care about.

56:29 Drew We should start a whole new magazine series. Yeah. Antiglamour or something.

56:32 Adam Right. And then on the very back, there'll be a half page of things we do care about. And that's the things, thank you.

56:39 Drew And that page will never change.

56:40 Caller Is a pretty face as important as a good body?

56:43 Adam Yeah. Oh yeah. Absolutely.

56:46 Caller What's more important?

56:47 Adam Well, it sort of depends. I think the way most guys approach that is, I think they go with the face for long haul and maybe the body for like the weekend. You know what I'm saying?

57:05 Caller That makes sense.

57:05 Adam Right. Because you don't want to be kissing on that ugly mug for the-

57:09 Drew And you can lose weight, but-

57:11 Adam Well, that's the other thing. The other thing is, is I'll whip that ass right in the shape. That's another thing guys think too, right Drew? Right. All right. So you go with the face. Where are we here, Drew? We're getting back on the phone here? Yeah, I'm going five because I saw anal sex. Tiffany? Yeah, I'm here. What's up?

57:32 Caller The other day I was talking with my aunt about anal sex and she was telling me that-

57:36 Drew Aunt?

57:36 Caller Excuse me?

57:37 Drew How old's your aunt?

57:38 Caller She's 26. She was telling me that if I do it and keep doing it by the time I'm 30, I'll have permanent rectal-

57:46 Drew Who is she the sister of?

57:48 Caller She's the sister of my mom, the younger sister of my mom.

57:51 Caller And we called my grandma-

57:52 Drew Oh my god.

57:54 Caller And my grandma-

57:54 Drew Did you call father McCartney too?

57:57 Adam Well, they're Jewish. A rabbi did weigh in though.

57:59 Caller Well, no. The thing is my grandma's a nurse and my grandma told me that- Oh my god. It could hurt me, but my aunt was trying to tell me it would make that actual muscle tissue in my- were in like loose.

58:14 Adam Right.

58:15 Caller She said, that's why you see like 30 year old women.

58:17 Drew Tiffany, hold on a second.

58:17 Adam Wait, that's why you see 30 year old women what?

58:20 Caller She was telling me that it's like when I see a 30 year old woman that seems like all jiggly because she probably had a lot of anal sex.

58:27 Caller Like the porn stars and stuff.

58:28 Adam Very true. They do wobble when they walk those porn stars.

58:32 Drew Oh my god, Tiffany.

58:33 Caller Yeah. I'm not even concerned about-

58:35 Drew Hold on. We're concerned about your family, not about your choice in sexual preference.

58:38 Caller Why? What's wrong with my family?

58:42 Adam Now you've insulted her.

58:45 Caller I'm not insulted, but we just are open. I ask questions and they answer them.

58:50 Adam There's a difference between open, like open for business and then an open wound.

58:57 Caller Okay.

58:59 Adam You got a little more like open. More like open sewer than just open dialogue.

59:04 Drew It's open and it's gaping.

59:06 Adam Yeah. This is gaping. Right.

59:09 Caller Okay. But will it like...

59:10 Adam I am so amused by this. Well, first off, it was your grandmother who's the nurse who told you that a woman who gets a corn hold has more jiggle.

59:21 Caller What happened was that...

59:21 Drew It was the aunt who's the nuclear physicist.

59:24 Adam What does your aunt do, by the way? Is she some think tank in Washington or...

59:29 Caller No, I'm in California.

59:30 Adam And where's your, what's your aunt do?

59:32 Caller She works at an Albertsons.

59:34 Adam I see. So she works at a market. Yeah. Is she in the anus department? I mean, how does she know so much?

59:41 Caller She's never done it.

59:42 Caller She said she'd never would. And I told her I like it.

59:45 Caller And she told me I shouldn't.

59:47 Adam I see. I remember when I was talking to my dad about my love of cornhole. Seems like only yesterday, but I was probably a lad of 19, much 1920, about the age that you are.

1:00:00 Drew Did this start just after the Papillon viola?

1:00:02 Adam We had to sit down. And then ironically enough, my grandmother weighed in and she had some opinions about it as well. So, Tiffany, how much of this have you been engaging in?

1:00:14 Caller Actually, I did it only two times about a year ago, but I'm getting married this Friday, and so it's probably gonna start up again because my fiance will be back on the 23rd.

1:00:26 Adam Sure. Game on. Out of prison?

1:00:28 Caller Yeah.

1:00:29 Adam Time for some anal sex.

1:00:30 Caller What? Excuse me?

1:00:32 Adam Out of prison, right?

1:00:33 Caller Yeah, he gets out on Tuesday.

1:00:34 Adam Okay.

1:00:35 Caller Oh, my God.

1:00:36 Adam Fantastic.

1:00:38 Drew What's he in prison for?

1:00:39 Caller Annal rape.

1:00:40 Adam Annal rape.

1:00:41 Drew Parole violation.

1:00:42 Adam Oh, parole violation. Tri-anal rape.

1:00:44 Drew We could do a whole show on Tiffany. We could.

1:00:47 Adam Yeah.

1:00:47 Drew Seriously.

1:00:48 Adam Oh, my God. Are you dumb, Tiffany?

1:00:50 Drew I'm not dumb.

1:00:51 Adam Oh, my God. Listen, I don't say that because I want to be cruel, but I want you to realize your very limited limitations.

1:00:58 Drew Okay.

1:00:59 Adam Okay. Now, first off, when we say, why is he in prison, you say a parole violation. That's like saying, why did the airplane crash? Because it hit the ground. The ground caused it. If it never hit the ground, it'd still be flying. But that's still not the answer we're looking for.

1:01:20 Caller Okay.

1:01:21 Adam You understand?

1:01:22 Drew Why is he in prison?

1:01:24 Caller This time he's in prison for, he moved and he didn't tell his parole officer where he lives.

1:01:30 Adam Now, we're getting somewhere. So now, if Drew moves, would that, Drew, you wouldn't have to do any time if you moved?

1:01:40 Drew I guess not. I'm surprised to find that.

1:01:42 Adam Tiffany, is that true? Can anyone move or you have to have some priors? And then you would get into trouble?

1:01:48 Caller Oh, you want to know why he's on parole?

1:01:50 Drew Yeah.

1:01:51 Caller Is that what you want to know?

1:01:52 Adam Yeah. Hold on. Let's talk about that. Bingo. True. Is that something you're interested in knowing?

1:01:57 Drew Yeah. Sort of the line of reasoning.

1:01:59 Adam Seems like we're getting off the subject.

1:02:00 Drew The line of question I was going to toward was, what kind of a criminal is this guy?

1:02:04 Adam I see.

1:02:04 Drew Okay.

1:02:05 Adam Okay. Because he didn't move.

1:02:06 Yeah.

1:02:07 Adam Tiffany? Yeah. What is he? As long as we're talking about it, why is he in prison?

1:02:11 Caller Forgery.

1:02:12 Adam Forgery. And...

1:02:15 Caller That was in 1995.

1:02:16 Adam He was cashing some checks or something?

1:02:20 Caller Well, yeah. Well, I was cashing them. He was writing them.

1:02:23 Adam I see. And that was it?

1:02:26 Caller Yeah. Well, there were other charges along with that, but they were all related to that one incident.

1:02:30 Adam Right. Dry anal rape?

1:02:32 Excuse me?

1:02:33 Adam No. What were the other charges?

1:02:35 Huh?

1:02:35 Caller No, that was it.

1:02:36 Adam I see. And how come you didn't do any time?

1:02:38 Caller Excuse me? Because I was like 15 at the time.

1:02:42 Drew How old is he now?

1:02:43 Caller He's 24.

1:02:45 Drew So he was 20 at the time. Very, very nice.

1:02:48 Adam Well, and that was the first anal sex stuff there.

1:02:51 Drew Yeah.

1:02:52 Adam Hey, Tiffany.

1:02:52 Caller Actually, that was a year ago.

1:02:53 Adam I see. How about putting off the marriage for just a little bit?

1:02:59 Caller I've been waiting a year.

1:03:00 Adam Oh, I see. Well, if you waited a year, you waited a year. Hey, you don't have any kids, do you?

1:03:05 Caller Nope. Oh, I intend to.

1:03:06 Adam Oh, good.

1:03:07 Drew Maybe this will make you happy.

1:03:09 Adam Oh, happy. I'm ecstatic. I'm going to throw a party.

1:03:13 Drew And her choice of sexual practices may continue to prevail.

1:03:18 Adam Oh, good. Yes. Yes. Nothing but anal sex.

1:03:20 Caller Okay.

1:03:21 Adam All right. And listen, what are you doing not to have kids? Because I'm very interested in you two not populating.

1:03:28 Caller What's it called? Depo-Provera.

1:03:30 Adam Good.

1:03:30 Drew Right on.

1:03:30 Adam Who put you on that?

1:03:32 Caller Myself.

1:03:33 Adam Good girl.

1:03:33 Drew Good, Tiffany. See, she's not so dumb.

1:03:35 Adam You're not dumb. You're a genius.

1:03:37 Caller Yeah. I'm not going to have kids with him until he's off parole.

1:03:41 Adam When is he going to be off parole?

1:03:42 Caller 2002.

1:03:44 Adam 2002. All right. You guys will be broken up by that anyway.

1:03:48 Caller All righty then.

1:03:49 All right. Wait, wait, wait.

1:03:51 Drew Here's the deal. The gluteal shake that you're concerned about has nothing to do with anal sacs, that there are things you can hurt yourself with, the anal sacs, you can cause fistulas and fissures and problems of the anus, the muscle can loosen and maybe, maybe give you some problems, but certainly nothing of real significance. And then as far as, what was the other thing she...

1:04:14 Adam Well, listen, all I can think of, I have voices screaming white trash in my head, like that's so loud, and this ain't white, this is snow white, this is lily white, this is the virgin caps of the Himalayas white, this is, you know, this is when you're on a glacier with no sunglasses, and it's high noon in the Arctic white, you know what I mean? You can't see anything. A polar bear looks black compared to this kind of white trash. And the first tip off was my aunt, who's six years older than me.

1:04:49 Drew There you go.

1:04:49 Adam That's the first tip off. Your aunt, how old is she? 26?

1:04:55 Drew What are we talking about? Cornhorn.

1:04:58 Adam Grandmother's 40. All right, Tiffany, just don't have any kids. I beg you. I beg you. And listen, I don't mind chipping in for her not to have kids.

1:05:07 Drew Yeah, you are.

1:05:09 Adam Oh, yeah. No, I'm... Yeah, no, I am paying already.

1:05:12 Drew You're chipping in for her to have kids.

1:05:13 Adam That's right. All right. When we come back, we'll speak to Brenda. Her IUD is painful. When she orgasms, is it because he's cheating? Huh?

1:05:24 Real quick.

1:05:25 Adam Brenda? Yeah. Your IUD is painful?

1:05:30 I recently suspect that my boyfriend's been cheating on me. And in the past couple months, when he inserts his penis, it's really painful.

1:05:38 Drew All right. All right.

1:05:39 Adam Hold on a second. See? Women have total control over that part. It's like, you think he's cheating? You ain't getting in. It's going to be a fight. All right. We'll be back.

1:05:52 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:06:20 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there.

1:06:25 Drew That's so funny.

1:06:25 Adam Get some candy here. A bit of a hard one. What's your phone number?

1:06:33 Drew I don't know, but that's just really appealing.

1:06:37 Adam All right. But I'm really, I'm jonesing bad for this time. Brenda?

1:06:41 Drew Yeah.

1:06:42 Adam You're 30? Yeah. You think your boyfriend's cheating on you?

1:06:46 Caller Well, I've been with him for two years, and he owns a carnival. So his office is in Fontana. His house is in...

1:06:54 Drew Nildy!

1:06:56 Adam Enough said.

1:06:58 Caller He's not a carny. I mean, he owns it. But I live in Westlake Village, so I do a lot of commuting back and forth. And it just so happened his ex-girlfriend lives less than a half mile away from them.

1:07:07 Drew Between Fontana and Westlake, you travel?

1:07:10 Caller Right.

1:07:10 Drew Oh my God.

1:07:12 Caller Yeah. Well, we kind of take turns. But in the past six months, I found her phone number and patron number on his cell phone bill.

1:07:20 Drew Guilty.

1:07:23 Caller And recently, in the past couple months, when we have sex, it hurts. I can't have an orgasm. It's painful.

1:07:31 Drew Painful when he penetrates.

1:07:34 Caller Right. And also during, at times. It's like I can never quite reach orgasm. It's really hard. And it's really painful.

1:07:41 Drew Because it's painful.

1:07:42 Adam Now, what are you blaming that on?

1:07:45 Caller Well, I'm not sure what it is.

1:07:47 Drew Why haven't you had a pap smear, a pelvic exam?

1:07:49 Caller I had a pap smear in the last year.

1:07:50 Drew No, but you...

1:07:51 Caller I had a PD checked every year.

1:07:52 Drew I know, but you're now having totally, potentially dangerous symptoms. You may have PID. You may have a lot of different problems.

1:07:58 Caller That's what I'm worried about is PID.

1:07:59 Drew Yeah. At very minimum, it sounds like it's inflammation of the cervix. It may be infection of the uterus. And it may well be PID. And your fertility lies in the balance here.

1:08:11 Adam Hey, Brenda, could it be also that you think he's cheating? And I mean, you're not receptive to him physically? Oh, no, not at all.

1:08:23 Caller Because I mean, I believe him to a certain extent, but then I have my doubts when he acts certain ways. But I'm very sexually attractive and we're very sexually active.

1:08:33 Adam Yeah, but no more orgasms.

1:08:36 Drew Because she's in such pain, though. She really hurts.

1:08:40 Adam Yeah, but hold on a second.

1:08:40 Drew You're on the wrong side of the scale. This woman's being stabbed to death and going, okay, honey, go on, have your way with me. She has PID. This is really painful.

1:08:49 Adam How do you know she has PID?

1:08:50 Drew Just the way she's describing these symptoms. I'm sure I've heard this.

1:08:52 Adam But Drew, we talked about the, we talked about the vaginismus before.

1:08:59 Drew Yeah, this isn't that.

1:09:00 Adam I mean, listen, but just hold on for a second.

1:09:05 Drew All right.

1:09:06 Adam You think that your, your boyfriend is cheating. He gets on top of you. You're not lubricating because there's a psychological component to this. I'm just floating this theory. You're not having the orgasm.

1:09:16 Drew But here's the way that she described that. She'd go, he comes at me, he can't get his penis in, and that really hurts as soon as he puts it in.

1:09:23 Adam All right, Brenda. You better go to the gynecologist. Why are you having so much sex with him when you think he's cheating?

1:09:30 Caller I'm just, we're just sexually active.

1:09:32 Adam I see. Okay. Well, I didn't know that.

1:09:35 Drew Let's reenact. Adam, why is she having so much sex?

1:09:38 Adam Because we're sexually active.

1:09:40 Drew Because you have a lot of sex?

1:09:41 Adam Yeah.

1:09:42 Drew Okay.

1:09:42 Adam I see. I understand. And why are you eating so much?

1:09:46 Drew Because I'm eating a lot.

1:09:48 Adam A lot? I see. Okay. And what's he in jail for?

1:09:53 Drew Being in jail.

1:09:55 Adam Parole violation. Now, can you explain the parole violation? Oh, he's moving. Tina?

1:10:01 Caller Yes.

1:10:02 Adam You're 19. What's up?

1:10:05 Caller Okay.

1:10:05 Caller I have a, so I have one little baby. And I'm one of these people who you will say use birth control and never have another kid. My boyfriend and I have been having problems even back before I got pregnant. But back at that point in time, we had a lot of things in common because he was a stoner, I was a stoner. Everything was cool. I was just out of high school.

1:10:25 Drew I guess it would be better if they were both heroin addicts. It sort of comes up the chain, doesn't it, a little bit?

1:10:30 Adam Yeah, it's a closer bond.

1:10:31 Caller Yeah.

1:10:32 Caller Well, you know what I mean? We had a lot of things in common back then. We listened to the same music, we hung out a lot. Now he's seven years older than me.

1:10:43 Drew Now he is? Before he wasn't?

1:10:45 Caller Now he is.

1:10:46 Adam And how old were you when you met?

1:10:50 Caller I was about 16 when I met. When we met.

1:10:53 Adam You were 15 and he was?

1:10:55 Caller 15 and a half, 16 years old.

1:10:58 Adam You were 15 and he was 22?

1:11:02 Drew Right.

1:11:02 Caller Yeah.

1:11:03 Adam Yeah. He's a gem, this guy.

1:11:06 Drew He's a stoner gem.

1:11:07 Adam Yeah. You guys had a lot in common.

1:11:09 Drew Well.

1:11:10 Adam Here's what you had in common. You dug an A-hole and he was an A-hole.

1:11:14 Caller Pretty much.

1:11:15 Drew Yeah.

1:11:16 Caller Well, the problem is now I've had the baby and actually as soon as I found out I was pregnant, it was like an instant reality check.

1:11:21 I grew up.

1:11:23 Caller I stopped doing the drugs. I got away from it. I didn't like hanging around with him and his friends anymore.

1:11:28 Adam Good.

1:11:28 Caller But I was having his kid. I grew up, my father lived. He didn't live that far away and he was always a part of my life. But I hated the fact that my mother got remarried and I had a stepfather who I hated.

1:11:41 Adam Yeah.

1:11:41 Drew Were they both stoners? But just the original dad.

1:11:45 Caller My real father lived in like 10 miles away from me.

1:11:49 Adam All right. Well, now what's the question?

1:11:50 Caller The question is, now I'm in a situation where it's like, I want to leave.

1:11:54 Adam Where you're doing what happened to you.

1:11:56 Drew Surprise.

1:11:57 Caller Right. I don't want to do this to my child. I'm going to leave.

1:12:00 Drew You did it. You've done it.

1:12:02 Caller You know, there we go. I'm going to cycle all over.

1:12:04 Adam I know. It's amazing in life what you don't, how much of what we don't want to do we end up doing. My God, we make careers out of doing stuff we don't want to do.

1:12:15 Caller We're both stuck together until September because we got a place together and we're in a lease.

1:12:19 Adam Okay. But what about talking to this guy? What about trying to bring him to some sort of a...

1:12:24 Caller Yeah, right.

1:12:26 Adam Okay.

1:12:27 Drew You see just the marijuana?

1:12:28 Adam I forget it.

1:12:29 Caller I don't know.

1:12:32 Adam I mean, I don't know.

1:12:33 Drew He must be a colossal a-hole, though. For her to be done with him, he must be a colossal a-hole.

1:12:39 Adam Well, I know she's like, I just don't want to happen to me what... Happen to my child, what happened to me growing up? Why don't you talk to the guy? Maybe get some counseling. Yeah, right. I don't know. I'm killed and collect the insurance. I don't know. Hey, Tina? And then break up with him, you idiot.

1:12:57 Caller I can't. We're in a lease.

1:12:58 Adam Well, then listen, goofball. Just don't screw that kid up. Please.

1:13:03 That's what I'm trying that to do.

1:13:05 Adam Oh, I hope it's a girl.

1:13:06 Caller No, it's a boy. And he's going to turn out just like his father.

1:13:10 Adam More criminals. Please, Tina. Please don't screw that kid up for Christ's sake.

1:13:15 Caller I'm doing everything I can for him.

1:13:17 Adam All right, good. Don't have any more.

1:13:19 Caller I knew you were going to say that.

1:13:21 Adam Please. All right. You're not asking us a question tonight, though, so we don't know what to tell you.

1:13:26 Caller What I'm asking you is if I leave, am I? I mean, should I leave or am I sitting here dooming my child to the same thing I'm going through?

1:13:35 Drew Well, he'll need a male figure in his life.

1:13:37 Adam Why don't you leave and find some other guy to go out with?

1:13:42 Drew It sounds like this guy is a colossal way home. You can't even talk to him.

1:13:47 Adam Can you talk to him? Well, he's an idiot.

1:13:49 Caller I talked to him and his response was, if you don't like it, leave.

1:13:53 Drew And I suspect he's going more than just pot right now, right?

1:13:55 Caller No, actually, that is all he does.

1:13:56 Adam All right, just get out.

1:13:57 Drew No, who cares?

1:13:59 Adam Listen, get out of there.

1:14:00 Drew No speed.

1:14:02 Caller No speed.

1:14:03 Adam All right, just get out of there. That guy's 22. He's dating a 15 year old. What the hell's going on with guys?

1:14:12 Drew I don't know.

1:14:14 Adam You pussies make me sick. All of you, every one of you guys out there. Aubrey? Yes, you're 27.

1:14:24 Caller I had a miscarriage on March 23rd. Yes, I understand. Me and my husband and I didn't realize I was pregnant. About a week later, the condom that we were using broke and my doctor felt it was safe to put me on the morning after pill to prevent a pregnancy. Well, just on Friday night, we were having sex and the condom came off inside of me. And I had a period from April 30th until like May 9th, which wasn't really normal, but they said after the miscarriage, it might be like that. And I was wondering if it's safe for me to take the morning after pill again, because they said I had to wait three months before we could try to have another normal pregnancy.

1:15:02 Drew Absolutely. You should take it again. There's really no limitations on how frequently it can be taken. However, someone that is requiring the use of the pill so frequently clearly needs some counseling on a more appropriate contraceptive measures.

1:15:16 Caller Right. Well, I was...

1:15:17 Adam That was Drew's subtle dig.

1:15:20 Caller I guess so.

1:15:21 Caller What my question is, is we were planning on having a pregnancy later this summer. It just, they said in the meantime, you know, to do this to prevent, you know, so we could have a normal, safe pregnancy beyond the prenatal vitamins, the whole nine yards. In four and a half years, since my daughter was born, nothing has happened like this. And all of a sudden, you know, it's like we've had two accidents in the last couple of months. So I'm just kind of like, just concerned.

1:15:44 Drew Why is it, why is it you don't want to get pregnant right now?

1:15:47 Caller Well, because we just had the miscarriage on March 23rd. They told me I had to wait to have three normal cycles. So we were planning on it.

1:15:54 Drew But you should talk to them about whether, how long ago was the miscarriage?

1:15:59 Adam March 23rd.

1:16:00 Drew March 23rd, March, April, May. You would have talked about whether or not just let this one go. So discuss with your doctor whether or not you ought to just see if you become pregnant this time or take the emergency contraception. I think they may just let it fly.

1:16:14 Adam Let's say, let the sperm fall where it may.

1:16:17 Drew Yeah.

1:16:17 Adam Andrew.

1:16:17 Drew That's what I meant.

1:16:18 Adam Yeah. You're 15. What's up?

1:16:21 Caller Yeah. My friend, he had some marijuana the other night and we smoked it and he told me that after I had smoked it, he told me he laced it with Special K.

1:16:32 Drew Did you experience anything different?

1:16:34 Caller Yeah. It felt like it was like different than a normal high. It was like I felt tingly all over and I was numb.

1:16:42 Drew Are you okay?

1:16:43 Caller Yeah. I was okay. But I was just wondering what some of the effects of that were.

1:16:48 Drew It's ketamine, which is a dissociative anesthetic. It makes you feel sort of out of body. In my experience treating people that have done a lot of ketamine, it can create a lot of significant biological changes, but a single exposure isn't likely to do much of anything. Okay?

1:17:05 Adam All right. Fine. Let's see. One more question before we hit the break and then go right on into the lightning round. JT? Oh, yeah.

1:17:17 Drew Yeah.

1:17:18 Adam Yeah. Oh, yeah. JT?

1:17:23 Yeah.

1:17:23 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:17:24 Caller My girlfriend, when she was giving me head, she kind of bit down and the bruises have been here for about three weeks.

1:17:34 Drew Okay.

1:17:35 Adam Where is the bruise on your penis?

1:17:38 Caller I'm just wondering how long they're going to be there and if there's anything wrong with them. They've been there for like three weeks.

1:17:46 Adam Oh, don't do that. It hurts my teeth. She didn't bite down on your penis.

1:17:53 Caller She bit, she bit my penis.

1:17:55 Adam No, she didn't.

1:17:56 Caller Yeah, she did.

1:17:57 Adam Really? What did you do?

1:17:59 Caller What? I screamed at first.

1:18:01 Adam And then what?

1:18:02 Caller I started yelling at her.

1:18:04 Adam And then what did she do?

1:18:06 Caller She left.

1:18:07 Adam She just stormed out?

1:18:08 Caller Yeah.

1:18:10 Adam Hold on a second.

1:18:10 Drew Does she know your girlfriend?

1:18:12 Adam Yeah. You still talk to her?

1:18:15 Caller Yeah. Yeah. We're good now.

1:18:17 Drew How long after you were screaming at her did you speak with her?

1:18:21 Caller We haven't slept together since.

1:18:23 Drew Did you speak with her? How long after you abused her? Yelled at her?

1:18:28 Caller Oh, I don't know about that day.

1:18:31 Adam Why did she say she bit on it? Why did she bite on it?

1:18:34 Caller I don't know why she did.

1:18:35 Adam Okay. All right. So where's the Bruce marks?

1:18:40 Caller It's right below the head. Uh-huh. All right.

1:18:43 Adam Drew, what do you think? I don't believe him, really.

1:18:45 Drew I don't either, but don't worry about it.

1:18:46 Adam Don't worry about it?

1:18:47 Drew Even if it is real.

1:18:49 Adam It's just nothing you can do?

1:18:50 Drew Nothing I can do. It'll heal.

1:18:52 Adam All right. We're going to take a break. We're going to come back with the famous lightning round. Let's give a quick check of the time here. It's 1143 and 40 seconds. That is 16 minutes and 20 seconds away. Straight up, the witching hour, midnight. You're smacked down in the middle of the lightning round. That is the fastest 13 and a half minutes of radio. Let's hop on the phones here to get to some of the college fun. What's going on out there? What do you say to that, Drew?

1:20:17 Drew Okay.

1:20:17 Adam And he is hot. Hi, hi. Kimber, you're 27. What's up, sweetness?

1:20:25 Drew Kimber? What's going on?

1:20:27 Adam You're riding around with a little light in your eyes.

1:20:28 Drew I'm amazed that Rockolla is a good boy.

1:20:30 Adam What's on your mind tonight?

1:20:31 Caller I have a question.

1:20:32 Caller I've been fighting with my weight now for about eight years.

1:20:37 Adam And it seems, looks to me like your ass is winning. You know what I'm saying? That's good. Kimber, baby, let me check the time. Let me check the time. Let me check the time real fast. It's 11.44 in 30 seconds right up. That is 15 minutes and 30 seconds away from the top. They are with you. Get it on, Ace Rockolla, this is a good part of the night. All right, Kimber, what were you saying?

1:20:58 Caller Recently, I started taking Xenocal, and I haven't noticed any difference.

1:21:03 Drew Well, Xenocal doesn't do much, it just prevents fat absorption and may help a little bit. You're overweight.

1:21:09 Caller Okay, and then I'm also taking Xanadrine, it's a herbal, it's hung and-

1:21:14 Drew I'm not wearing, all right, it's a fedro basically, so it's another stimulant.

1:21:17 Adam Hey, Kimber.

1:21:19 Drew How much do you weigh?

1:21:21 Caller Right now, about 220.

1:21:22 Caller Duh, nally.

1:21:24 Drew Have you lost any weight?

1:21:27 Caller I have, but I think it's mostly water.

1:21:30 Drew Okay. Are you seeing a dietician? Do you have a regular exercise program?

1:21:33 Caller Actually, I exercise.

1:21:36 Caller I walk and I walk my dog.

1:21:38 Drew Do you see a dietician?

1:21:40 Caller I haven't seen a dietician.

1:21:41 Drew I suggest you go that route.

1:21:42 Adam Honey, you're walking over the derwiner snitchel, aren't you, baby?

1:21:45 Drew It's tough. You're trying to do all these pharmacological manipulations, but you're not going really right to the basic issue, which is significant, carefully managed diet and exercise. And I'm not just walking the dog.

1:21:56 Adam Kimber, Kimber, Kimber, Ace Rockolla's being here. Let me tell you something. Listen to me, baby. Protein and walking, that's going to work. All right, baby?

1:22:06 Caller Ace Rockolla.

1:22:08 Adam That's right. Let's check the time. It's 11.45 in 50 seconds. That's 14 minutes and 10 seconds away from the top of the hour, straight out midnight. I'm Ace Rockolla. Good-bye to Dr. Drew. And let's hop back on the phones and speak to you, the Loveline listener, and call it. Joey?

1:22:25 Drew 19.

1:22:26 Adam 19 years old. It's in your mind, brother.

1:22:28 Caller Hey, how's it going, guys? I did a report on my school about prostitution. And I read someplace that if during masturbation, if you stick your finger up your butt, it like stimulates the prostate gland, makes it feel better.

1:22:43 Adam Hold on a second, Joe. Let me check the time. It's 1146 and 30 seconds. That's 13 minutes and 13 and 30 seconds away. In the top of the hour, straight up midnight. The witch in Irish back down the middle. Around Ace Rockolla is one part of Dr. Drew. We're talking about your anus, Joe.

1:22:57 Caller What up, sucker?

1:22:58 Adam Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. What? What do you go to? Junior college?

1:23:03 Caller No, it was a high school.

1:23:04 Adam High school. You're 19 years old, Joe. What are you doing in high school?

1:23:08 Caller I graduated last year. I see.

1:23:10 Adam Now you're going to junior college. Now you're going to junior college, right, buddy?

1:23:14 Caller Actually, I'm going to professional wrestling school. Yeah.

1:23:17 Adam Where's that located?

1:23:19 Caller Up in Cincinnati.

1:23:20 Adam Fantastic. You got a real career. The anal doctor. That'll be your name. Yeah, Joey, don't worry about the anus.

1:23:29 Drew Okay.

1:23:29 Adam All right there, buddy.

1:23:30 Drew The prostate stimulator could be an interesting.

1:23:33 Adam Yeah, that'd be a very interesting handle if you're a wrestler. Now coming to the ring, we don't have, I can't do anything with this reverb anymore because we no longer plug my god damn mic into this thing, Joey.

1:23:45 Drew Yes, yes, Ace.

1:23:45 Adam Okay. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now coming to the ring, the prostate stimulator. All right, let me check the time. It's 1147 in 40 seconds. That's 12 minutes and 20 seconds away from the top of the hour.

1:24:03 Caller Straight out of the way of the hour.

1:24:04 Adam Let's hop back on the phone. And this time, that's my god damn cowbell. Hey, I was speaking to Mike. Mike, you're 19 years old. What's up there, brother?

1:24:13 Caller Yes, it is. Me and my girlfriend have sexy skin around near where the shaft in the head of the penis meets. Sometimes cracks and breaks.

1:24:22 Drew Are you uncircumcised?

1:24:24 Caller Yes.

1:24:25 Drew Yeah, that's sort of one of the reasons people get circumcised to avoid that kind of thing. That's not an uncommon thing.

1:24:30 Adam That's why I bathe my penis in a concoction made of egg yolk, mayonnaise, and cocoa butter every night before I go to bed and sometimes in the morning.

1:24:40 Drew That's why you nicknamed your penis Queen Elizabeth.

1:24:42 Adam That's right. Mike?

1:24:45 Caller Yes.

1:24:45 Adam Yeah, that's to be expected.

1:24:47 Drew Not expected, but you might, maybe some, jeez.

1:24:53 Caller Heal.

1:24:54 Drew What's that?

1:24:55 Caller Give it time and let it heal.

1:24:56 Drew Oh yeah, because it can start to narrow or constinose and make it difficult to retract and get the head of the penis out.

1:25:02 Adam That is right.

1:25:02 Drew Try to think of anything you can use to prevent the rotation.

1:25:05 Adam Let me check the time here, Drew. It's 11 48 and 57. That's 11 minutes and 10 seconds away from the top of the hour. Straight up, the witch and our, I'm Ace Rockolla. It's a good part of Dr. Drew. We're going to hop back on the phone.

1:25:16 Drew See if you can find some calm sceptic cream. I bet that would work for that. Wet sceptic, calm sceptic. Veronica, you're gassy tonight, dude.

1:25:25 Adam I let a good one flow in the bathroom a few minutes ago. I treated Drew to a little ass horn.

1:25:29 Drew It was kind of like a farm animal.

1:25:32 Adam Yeah, I really beefed in there. It was great.

1:25:35 Caller Veronica?

1:25:36 Caller Yeah.

1:25:37 Adam You're 16, honey.

1:25:38 Caller My mom's having an affair. We've confronted her already about it, but she doesn't want to tell my dad.

1:25:45 Drew What did she say? What does she want to do?

1:25:47 Caller Well, see, we got into her access code and we found all these, not all these guys, but a male friend, supposedly.

1:25:57 Adam What's an access code? You mean for the computer?

1:26:00 Caller Pager.

1:26:00 Adam Pager.

1:26:01 Drew She just is just cheating on the computer or she's actually seeing these people?

1:26:04 Caller No, on her pager.

1:26:05 Adam Pager.

1:26:05 Drew Pager.

1:26:06 Adam Yeah.

1:26:07 Caller And so we confronted her about it.

1:26:08 Caller It was, this was like about a week ago.

1:26:11 Caller And she said that she doesn't love my dad, but she says that she can't leave him.

1:26:15 Adam All right. Hey, hey, Veronica. That's between mommy and papi.

1:26:20 Caller Let's see, like it hurts me for my dad. You know, like, hurting my dad.

1:26:24 Adam Yeah.

1:26:25 Caller Not giving them the love that he needs.

1:26:26 Drew Right, right.

1:26:27 Adam Yeah, very mature.

1:26:29 Caller And I mean, me and my sister know.

1:26:32 Drew Maybe get them parents into therapy.

1:26:34 Adam How old's your sister?

1:26:35 Caller My sister's 21.

1:26:36 Adam All right, why don't you tell your mom either to knock it off or you're going to tell papazade.

1:26:40 Caller Well, we've told her that.

1:26:41 Drew Or to get into some therapy.

1:26:42 Adam Well, then you can tell papazade if she don't knock it off.

1:26:45 Caller Yeah, they're not very open-minded about therapy.

1:26:48 Adam Yeah, well, some on hers open. Open for business 24 hours a day, like an IHOP.

1:26:55 Caller Twinkie hole, baby, woo!

1:26:57 Adam Let's check the time. It's 11.50 in 45 seconds. That's nine minutes and 15 seconds away from the top of the hour. I just about rang my coffee mug. I was hot back on the phones as being the David. David's 17 years old.

1:27:11 Caller Dave?

1:27:12 Adam Yeah, I want Dave O'Daversky. You're smack dab in the middle of the line. I'm Ace Rockolla. It's my good buddy over there. Dr. Drew. He is hot, hot, hot.

1:27:18 Drew David?

1:27:19 Adam What's on your mind, buddy?

1:27:20 Caller Yeah, I want to know when the, like when your dick stops growing.

1:27:23 Drew 21.

1:27:24 Adam 21, but in your case 19, huh, buddy? Yeah.

1:27:28 Caller All right, that's all I want to do.

1:27:29 Drew Enjoy.

1:27:30 Adam All right. Have fun with that penis. Let's check the time. It's 11.51 in 20 seconds. That's eight minutes and 40 seconds away from the top of the hour. Hop back on the phones. Megan.

1:27:40 Caller Hi.

1:27:41 Adam Megan, you're 15 years old. What's up there, buddy?

1:27:43 Caller Yes, I am 15 years old. Um, recently I just got out of, um, I don't know if you could call it abusive relationship. Definitely, um, excuse me. Definitely, um, emotionally abusive.

1:27:59 Drew And, um- What's the question?

1:28:00 Caller Uh-huh. The question is now, I, he wants to get back with me and I'm really confused.

1:28:05 Adam How old, how old is he?

1:28:07 Caller He's, um, almost 18.

1:28:09 Drew Almost 18. Why would you even consider it? Don't be confused. Forget it. Forget it. You're worth more than this. There's no abuse that's worth being- There's no person that's abusive that's worth walking back with.

1:28:21 Adam And, and, hey, hey, Megan, Megan, this is Ace Rockolla speaking.

1:28:25 Drew You're not gonna change him either, believe me.

1:28:26 Adam This is Ace speaking, okay, honey? All right, sister. Thank you. That's me speaking now, baby. Now listen to me. Listen to me.

1:28:34 Caller I'm listening.

1:28:48 Caller I knew something like this was gonna happen.

1:28:50 Adam I knew this would happen. All right. Look at the mic.

1:28:58 Caller Speak now.

1:28:59 Adam We gotta check the time. It's 11.52 and 45 seconds. At seven minutes and 50 seconds. Wait a minute. Maybe I'll just say, I'll go all over here, baby. Now listen to me. This guy is gonna be just as big a hole one week after you guys get back together, right? Do not do it. You're 15, you're young, you're free. You date a 16 year old, not an 18 year old. Believe me, he'll be the exact same guy who I was. Anyone tells you anything about the fire. All right, let's hop back on the phone. Let's hear what I'm talking about. Not about going to the line once. Being a little bad, the bad is between the two of us. Dr. Drew.

1:29:35 Drew Beth, quick.

1:29:36 Caller Hi, how long does it take after you give birth for you to get like a sexual drive back?

1:29:41 Drew There's lots of reasons it can go away. Amongst them and most commonly a biological reason, at least six months.

1:29:47 Adam Drew, let me jump in here and check the time. It's 1153 in 30 seconds straight up. That is six minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the hour straight up. But with you, I'm going to struggle.

1:29:55 Drew There's a good part of that.

1:29:56 Adam Dr. Drew, oh my, I'm lying around.

1:29:59 Drew Also depends on whether you're breastfeeding and how much, what kind of meaning having a child see how much stress there is at home. So talk to your doctor about maybe sometimes getting on the birth control pill helps restore your sex drive.

1:30:08 Adam Okay, I'd like to check the time again. It's 1153 in 53 seconds. That is six minutes and seven seconds.

1:30:43 Caller Man turns animal for the erotic pleasures of women.

1:30:48 It's Love Line.

1:30:59 Drew Any more novelty sounds to...

1:31:02 Adam I'll tell you, that fart I let sounded like it was a cart.

1:31:06 Caller Ha ha, well now.

1:31:19 Caller Now, please enjoy these birds.

Episode Feedback

Sunday, May 21, 2000