Episode 1000754887651

0:02 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:05 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

0:22 Adam Yeah, it was great. I was over at my friend's house yesterday, and he punched it up on his computer, and sure enough, there was the theme. All right, so we will hear something from Of A Down. Actually, probably a few things from Of A Down before the night is true. And like I said, I'd plug away, but it's sold out already. So we might as well just hang out and make fun of the kids. Joe? Joe, you're 25, what's up?

0:46 Caller Yeah, I had a question of what I can tell my girlfriend. We've been together for quite some time, and I used to go down on her during sex and everything, and then she got to this thing where like after we had sex, and of course, she'd want me to go down on her, and I was talking to one of my friends about it, and he told me this theory he had of if you lick the hole, you'll suck the pole. And ever since then, I stopped doing it.

1:14 Adam Right, you do the math.

1:17 Drew If you're having sex with a woman and it's oral sex, you're gay.

1:19 Adam Right.

1:20 Drew I see. Perfect sense.

1:21 Adam Except for, here's my strategy. Whose pole would you rather suck, your own or the guy who was with her last? You see what I'm saying? If you're with a woman and you go down on her before sex, you then suck the pole of the guy who went on her last.

1:36 Caller Right.

1:36 Adam You see what I'm saying?

1:36 Caller So do the math. That's a good theory to have.

1:38 Adam Yeah, thank you.

1:39 Caller That's a good theory to have, correct?

1:40 Adam Mine is a little different than your friend's. See. I say go down second, suck your own pole.

1:47 Caller Well, I mean, it's my girlfriend. I've been with her for a while.

1:49 I'll say, no, you know, there's nobody else doing it.

1:51 Adam Yeah. But what about the first time you ever went down on her?

1:55 Caller Right.

1:55 Adam Was it before sex or after sex?

1:57 Caller Before.

1:58 Adam That's right. So you were sucking the other guy's pole.

2:01 Caller Okay.

2:02 Adam That's simple math. Okay. All right. So anyway, Joe.

2:06 Drew Seriously, it's not even math.

2:07 Adam Yeah. You're hanging around with geniuses. I can see that already. So what do you want?

2:12 Drew Why are you so uptight about stuff like that?

2:15 Caller Why am I?

2:16 Yeah.

2:17 Adam Does he have a question? And my question is, what's wrong with this goddamn mic? Something's weird.

2:21 Drew You know what? It's my mic. Listen to that.

2:23 Adam No, no.

2:24 Drew Mine's distorting. Listen to that.

2:25 Caller No, it is.

2:26 Adam Why would I sound like an idiot? I know I sound like an idiot, but why does this sound different to me? Anderson, is there anything going on?

2:34 Drew Why are you worrying about it more importantly?

2:36 Adam It bothers me.

2:37 Oh, shut up.

2:38 Adam Joe?

2:39 Caller Yeah.

2:40 Adam Don't turn that on me, Drew.

2:42 Caller Hey.

2:43 Adam Go ahead, Joe. What's your question?

2:44 Caller My question is, what do I tell her if she wants me to keep doing it and I don't want to anymore? How do I get out of it?

2:52 Adam Why? Who cares what order? She wants an orgasm. She's not getting it through the intercourse. She wants it orally. She wants it when she's done.

3:00 Drew What's the problem? Why is that a bad thing? Or if you can't get this strange thought out of your head, which it is indeed a very strange thought, we have to begin to look at why are you that uptight about even potentially being associated with a gay man?

3:17 Adam Just because your friend came up with some Don King-ism that had to do with your junk doesn't mean anything, you retard. How dare you? Why are we even talking to these people, Drew, explaining to a 25-year-old man? Well, now, if she blows me and then I kiss her, does that mean I'm blowing myself? And what if she gargles in between? And is there some 24-hour period? Agreed.

3:42 Drew Let's go.

3:43 Adam And yes, your mic does sound weird.

3:45 Drew I'm telling you.

3:46 Adam Jennifer?

3:46 Drew I think you're actually hearing your voice through my mic again.

3:49 Adam Oh, is that what it is?

3:50 Drew Yes.

3:51 Adam Going nuts. Jennifer?

3:53 Yeah?

3:53 Adam You're 21. What's up?

3:55 Caller Well, I had a baby three weeks ago, and the doctor told me not to have anything inserted vaginally. And I just wanted to know if that's like, you know, totally, I have to follow through with that or?

4:05 Drew Didn't he tell you, how many weeks did he tell you?

4:07 Caller Six weeks.

4:08 Drew Six weeks. Did you have a C-section?

4:10 Caller No. Everything went perfectly okay. You know, she came out perfectly normal.

4:15 Drew Yeah.

4:15 Caller You know, and everything.

4:17 Drew You didn't have any episiotomy?

4:18 Caller Nope. I didn't tear. I didn't do anything. Yeah. It was perfectly normal. I already had, you know, two other kids, perfectly normal, perfectly okay.

4:25 Drew How long did they tell you to wait last time?

4:27 Caller Six weeks, but I didn't.

4:28 Adam Are you married?

4:29 Caller Yeah.

4:30 Adam Is the guy around, is everything good?

4:33 Caller Yeah. I've been married five years, happily.

4:35 Adam Was he ever, was the guy able to pay the hospital?

4:38 Caller Yeah.

4:38 Adam My theory is he just didn't want any more freeloaders come by having kids.

4:42 Caller No, no, no.

4:42 Drew So he's at least six weeks without every sex.

4:44 Adam Yeah. Honey, nothing in the vagina for four years.

4:47 Caller Yeah.

4:48 Adam Or until you can pay the goddamn bill.

4:51 Caller Oh, no. That's been done.

4:52 Adam Okay.

4:53 Caller Everything else that's been taken care of.

4:54 Adam All right. Well, what were you thinking of putting up here? You trying to get something across the border or are you talking about sex?

5:01 Caller No. Not anything across the border.

5:03 Adam I see.

5:03 Caller Like sex and cleaning it out and all that kind of thing.

5:07 Adam Sure.

5:08 Drew Don't do the cleaning out for a while.

5:09 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You get the mop stuck up there. That's really going to hurt you.

5:13 Drew No. Yeah.

5:14 Adam You use compressed air. That's how I clean things up.

5:16 Drew I normally recommend two weeks. Sometimes I've heard four, but I don't know about six weeks.

5:20 Adam Let me tell you something. If I had a vagina, I'd be using it. I mean, I'd be using it like a pocket. I'd be keeping stuff up there. You know, like a black guy keeps a pic in his hair. That's why I would keep my vagina.

5:32 Drew What would you put in there, a pic?

5:33 Adam Roll of nickels, meter change.

5:35 Drew Meter change. Oh, yeah. She could just dispense change.

5:38 System Of A Down Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

5:40 Adam I guess eventually I could get good enough.

5:42 Drew Yeah.

5:42 Adam You know, like two dimes and a nickel.

5:48 System Of A Down You know, extra keys. You know, the stuff you wish you had.

5:54 Adam You know what I mean? Sometimes you don't have a cell phone.

5:56 Drew A phone?

5:57 System Of A Down No.

5:57 Adam Well, not a sweater, but maybe a windbreaker. Something, I mean, in case it started raining, maybe a poncho, rain poncho.

6:05 In your wallet.

6:06 Adam You know, extra ID, something like that. Well, you know, you know, there's kind of a fundamental problem, which is, you know, you have that extra key or that condom or that what have you, that address book, but it's in your wallet. And usually the whole reason you can't get in your house or you can't find your way, where something happened to your wallet, this is where you keep that little extra.

6:26 It's always on you.

6:27 Adam Little something, that 50 for bribing the guard.

6:29 Drew Snacks?

6:31 System Of A Down Yeah, cheese and crackers.

6:32 System Of A Down So now you're like a kangaroo sort of.

6:34 You have an extra pouch.

6:35 System Of A Down Yeah, lunchable. Yeah. I just packed my vagina full of stuff before I left the house.

6:41 Adam A little floss, some mints, some mints, stuff like that. Tic tacs.

6:45 System Of A Down Tweezers, snake bite kit, just the essentials, just the stuff you need. You don't want to get caught out.

6:51 System Of A Down It doesn't work with those, you know, when you travel, you don't have to carry a bag anymore. You just take your toothbrush with you and...

6:57 System Of A Down Right, yeah...

6:58 System Of A Down .incidentals.

6:58 Adam Yeah, you don't need that money sock or the money belt. You don't need that, you know...

7:02 System Of A Down You carry your piece in there. You know, whatever you need to get across.

7:06 Adam There's nothing, there's nothing worse. There's nothing gayer than the guy with the belly pouch. You know, that thing with the change. You know what I'm talking about? What do they call that thing? Is that what they call that thing? That I'm talking about? Yeah. It's real. It's not a good look. A fanny pack. Yeah, it's not a good look on a man. It's a fanny pack. No. Yeah, it's a vagina pack now. See, women, I'm sure guys would have capitalized on that. Women ignore it completely. Guys would be on that. Kyle? Hello? Wait, is it Kylie?

7:36 Yeah.

7:36 Adam What's up? 25.

7:38 I just had an annual exam not too long ago, and they found abnormal cells on my cervix, and the doctor believes that it could be cancerous.

7:49 Drew Pre-cancerous.

7:50 Yeah, and I was wondering what the chances are that it could be.

7:53 Drew Well, if it's cancer, they see the cancer.

7:55 Right.

7:56 Drew Right, so this isn't cancer, this is pre-cancerous. This is warts, right? Did he talk to you about wart virus?

8:00 No, he didn't.

8:01 Drew Well, it's often associated with human papilloma virus.

8:04 Adam I keep my warts up there, too. So you'll have an extra handful of warts.

8:07 Drew Don't worry.

8:08 Adam Yeah.

8:08 Drew You'd get a few. Have you had a vagina?

8:09 Adam Oh, yeah. Maybe some trail mix. Drew, what do these mics drive me insane? It's like I'm drunk and my ears popped.

8:17 Drew But Kylie, are they going to do any further procedures on you?

8:20 Yeah. I have a procedure that they're going to do tomorrow where they're going to take slivers of my cervix.

8:25 Drew Yeah. A cone procedure or cone biopsy?

8:28 Yeah.

8:29 Adam What's a cone? Is it they put a whole, they put a cone in there?

8:32 System Of A Down No.

8:32 Drew They just take it out of the biopsy. A waffle or a cone?

8:35 Adam A sugar cone.

8:36 System Of A Down What?

8:36 Drew It biops out a cone. If you give them an anatomy book, I'll show you where the cone is. No.

8:38 Adam Don't want to look at the vagina.

8:40 Drew But again, even if there is cancer there, this removes it, the procedures they're doing. Okay?

8:43 Adam Oh, okay.

8:44 Drew You just need to get regular exams. A very easily containable tumor until it spreads. You're ahead of the game now, but it actually gets established and starts to spread. Then it's a disaster.

8:54 Adam Talk about disaster. What is up with that mic? Try me and say, do you guys know what I'm talking about? You know when you're on an airplane and you've had a couple of high balls and you get off the plane and your ears aren't, you haven't quite pressurized like your head, like your ears are kind of, your sign's a little weird and your ear's a little weird. And you've had a couple bloody Marys and now you're walking through the airport and the guy who's come to pick you up to make some small talk, how long in town? And you're going, uh-huh, you're like distracting, you're looking around, it's kind of like a dream state because you can't hear real well and you're not processing. That's exactly what this is like, Drew. You're a calculus. Thank you.

9:31 Drew You always have great powers of concentration, so.

9:33 Adam Oh man, oh that mic. What the, Kabir?

9:39 Oh, hello.

9:40 Adam Is this Kabir?

9:41 Yeah.

9:41 Adam Is that an Armenian name?

9:43 No, it's an Indian name.

9:44 Adam Oh, okay.

9:45 Adam Corolla. Let me just start off by saying, Adam, you're a god. You're funniest man alive.

9:49 Adam Well, thank you.

9:50 Dr. Drew, I saw you at BFD 7. I shook your hand and let me just say you have a firm grip there.

9:57 System Of A Down Easy, I'm masturbating.

9:59 You're a good man. Okay, Of A Down. I'm one of your biggest fans, arguably. I love you guys. Your first CD was literally groundbreaking for me. I was wondering on your second album, I was wondering if you're going to stay or stay the same way, are you going to be like hardcore or are you going to change into like rap and stuff?

10:21 Adam They were telling me before the show they wanted to post out. And you know, go for the money.

10:28 I find that hard to believe.

10:29 Adam Well, that's what they said, but let's see what they have to say.

10:33 System Of A Down Well, that's a good question.

10:35 No, it's kind of schizophrenic, our music.

10:38 We go in and write all sorts of stuff.

10:42 Yeah, it's heavy, it's light, it's...

10:44 System Of A Down Actually Darren's at home right now writing.

10:45 Yeah, he's probably writing like three songs right now.

10:47 System Of A Down Yeah, we wrote four songs just now. While we've been talking.

10:51 Wow.

10:51 System Of A Down We're just going to go wherever our heart leads us.

10:53 Okay, man, I just can't wait to see you guys in the Bay Area, man.

10:57 System Of A Down Right on.

10:57 Adam When are you guys going up that way again? To the Bay Area?

10:59 No, Bay Area. Bay Area, San Francisco and stuff.

11:02 System Of A Down We're probably not going to be touring anytime soon because we're going to get in the studio and finish up this album. So early next year.

11:08 Okay, I look forward to that.

11:09 System Of A Down Thanks for supporting.

11:10 Adam All right, Kabir.

11:11 Thank you.

11:12 Adam Take care of yourself. Kabir.

11:15 Kabir.

11:16 Adam Yeah.

11:17 It's like that poet.

11:18 System Of A Down That old 17th or 15th century poet.

11:21 Adam Drew knows Kabir, right?

11:23 Kabir?

11:24 Cabral?

11:25 Cabral?

11:25 No, I know Kabir.

11:27 Adam Is there a Kabir?

11:28 Is there a Cabral in the house?

11:30 Adam Just pretend like there is one and Drew doesn't know him. That's all you do. But Kabir is one of those names where I expect him to go, size of an elephant. And like he's wearing like big brass, big brass.

11:42 Drew Shazam.

11:42 Adam Shazam. Yeah, big bracelets. Edgar? What was that show? Was that Arabian Nights they used to watch on the Banana Split comedy hour?

11:54 System Of A Down Size of an Elephant.

11:57 Adam Yeah. And then once in a while, they'd get a little nutty.

12:00 Drew That was a Shazam.

12:01 Adam Eyes of an Eagle. Pecker of a Rhino. Okay. Edgar?

12:07 Yeah.

12:08 Adam You're 19?

12:09 Caller Yes, I am.

12:09 Adam What's up?

12:11 Caller Well, I just got to say Adam, you kick butt.

12:13 Adam Oh, thanks.

12:14 System Of A Down And kicking butt all night.

12:16 Adam Yeah. That's right.

12:17 Caller We listen together every night.

12:19 Adam Thanks.

12:19 Caller And Adam?

12:21 Adam Yeah.

12:23 You just kick butt still.

12:26 System Of A Down Look, if you want to ask him out, don't beat around the bush.

12:29 Caller All right. I actually have a question for Dr. Drew.

12:31 Yeah.

12:33 System Of A Down You kick butt.

12:35 Adam What's it like sitting next to Adam who kicks so much butt?

12:38 Caller Yeah.

12:39 Drew Beg or go.

12:40 Caller All right. When I have sex with my girlfriend, I use a condom every time. And afterwards, I just get like this really bad itch, you know, like on the end of my penis.

12:51 Drew The tip or actually the skin?

12:53 Caller It's like, it's hard to say because I'm not sure.

12:57 Drew Does it like hurt when you pee?

12:58 Caller No, it actually feels good.

13:00 Drew So, but is that where the problem is or is it in the skin?

13:03 Caller It's like, it's like right underneath the tip.

13:06 Drew But at the very, at the opening?

13:09 Caller No, actually right underneath it.

13:10 Drew On the skin?

13:11 Caller Yes.

13:12 Drew Thank you.

13:13 Caller Okay.

13:14 System Of A Down Stop building this visual of this thing.

13:16 Caller Yeah.

13:16 Adam And we're now all staring at a giant penis. Every time I close my eyes, I see a penis. I used to see my grandmother. Now I see a penis. That's right. Oh wait, now there's a penis on my grandmother. Oh. Run, grandma.

13:30 Caller All right.

13:30 Adam All right, Ed.

13:31 Caller So I was wondering, what can I, what is it? Cause I mean, it'll be there for a few days.

13:39 Drew And you're not circumcised. Have you tried any of the fungus medications over the counter?

13:44 Caller No, actually I haven't. But I mean, like, I, you know, I have really good maintenance. I'm there.

13:50 Drew Have you tried other kinds of condoms than latex?

13:53 Caller No, I actually haven't.

13:54 Drew Why don't you try polyurethane?

13:56 Caller Polyurethane?

13:57 Adam Yeah. You think maybe he's allergic?

13:59 Drew Or some irritation.

13:59 Adam Yeah.

14:00 Drew Could be allergy or some irritation from the latex.

14:02 System Of A Down You're like Zorro with that finger tonight, man.

14:03 Adam Yeah.

14:04 System Of A Down Going off.

14:04 Adam I'm hot with it, huh? Yeah.

14:06 Drew You had a bad week.

14:10 Adam Yeah. The gay blade. Well, let me tell you, I've really had enough, everyone. Someone's just telling me tonight, you know, I got about this much for everybody. I got, you know, I yelled at my mom, I yelled at everyone in my family. My fuse is like this short and someone said, listen, you know what? The problem is you talk to these screwballs two hours a night every night and then the whole world just becomes a bunch of screwballs with a bunch of bad questions and I'm yelling, nobody listens to me. And they're going, yeah, it's my mic.

14:38 Drew Can Jimmy tell you this? Give me a break.

14:40 System Of A Down Lisa?

14:41 Hi.

14:42 Adam You're 18.

14:43 Caller Yeah.

14:43 Oh, this is funny.

14:45 Adam Anderson, please tell me we're going to do something about this microphone.

14:48 Drew It's my mic, don't talk.

14:49 Adam Please tell me, no, this still sounds weird. Yeah, thank you.

14:53 Drew I agree, they're both weird.

14:55 Adam What's it like being right 20 to 30% of the time?

14:58 System Of A Down What's that like?

15:00 Adam Everyone listen to me.

15:01 System Of A Down Lisa?

15:02 Drew Yeah.

15:02 Adam What's up?

15:03 Drew What's it like to be right all the time, Adam?

15:05 Adam It's a burden. It's a burden, it really is, because no one will listen. What's up there, Lisa?

15:11 System Of A Down Okay, Adam, I love you, Dr. Drew, you're a genius.

15:16 Adam Thank you.

15:17 Caller Okay.

15:17 Adam Good.

15:18 Caller Yeah.

15:19 System Of A Down Okay, here's my question. Well, actually, it's not a question, it's just a problem. I've been with this guy for four years, ever since I was 14. I lost my virginity at 16 and I have not orgasmed ever once with him.

15:32 Drew How about by yourself?

15:34 Caller Yes.

15:34 Drew So, you know what it is?

15:36 Caller Yeah, but-

15:37 Drew Is there a way you could get him to help you do that when you're together?

15:41 Caller No.

15:41 System Of A Down I mean, we could go for like three to four hours straight.

15:45 Drew But is there anything else he can do for you?

15:47 Adam Turn the tub on for you or something like that.

15:50 Drew Firefighters.

15:52 System Of A Down We have tried everything.

15:55 Drew Does he know you're not orgasming?

15:58 No, because I fake it.

15:59 System Of A Down Nice.

16:00 Drew So why do you try everything?

16:02 System Of A Down Well, because I can't get it with him and it's just bugging me because maybe it's because I masturbate so much. But could that be it?

16:13 Drew That's an unusual combo, we got to say.

16:14 Adam Yeah, that's a guy combo. Wait a minute. How do you masturbate?

16:20 System Of A Down This is really embarrassing.

16:22 Adam No, this could be good for later, for me, in the band.

16:26 System Of A Down Okay, fine. Well, it's either two ways, either I use cucumbers or I do it with like water pressure, like in a jacuzzi.

16:35 Drew Yeah, water's sort of standard.

16:37 System Of A Down Like water jets.

16:38 Drew That's sort of a standard way to go.

16:40 System Of A Down Is it?

16:40 Drew Yeah.

16:41 System Of A Down Okay, yeah.

16:42 Drew Cucumber.

16:43 System Of A Down Peeled.

16:45 System Of A Down Well, how could your boyfriend compare to the cucumbers you're getting before?

16:48 System Of A Down I don't know, that's the thing.

16:51 Adam How big are these cucumbers?

16:54 System Of A Down Pretty big.

16:54 Caller He's big, too.

16:55 System Of A Down Maybe if you cut down on the cucumbers, you know, to a smaller size, maybe a zucchini or something like that.

17:01 Caller Baby carrots.

17:03 Adam I'd tell my women to start with those baby corns they have in the Chinese food.

17:07 System Of A Down That does nothing for me.

17:09 Drew But listen, what is it?

17:10 Adam Don't expect much more than that.

17:12 Drew What does he do for yourself that he could maybe...

17:14 Adam Hold on, why do you peel the cucumber?

17:17 System Of A Down Well, because...

17:17 Drew Or sharp edges.

17:19 Adam Oh, I see. It doesn't start peeled.

17:20 System Of A Down Ribbed for her pleasure?

17:22 System Of A Down No, because the skin's rough.

17:25 Adam It is?

17:25 Caller Oh, the big ones.

17:26 System Of A Down The big ones. Like, have you guys seen the big cucumbers? They're all rough skinned.

17:31 System Of A Down We're not as familiar with them as you are, but...

17:33 Caller Well, I have to shop for them, so...

17:36 Caller Yeah.

17:39 Caller But, I don't know.

17:40 System Of A Down I...

17:40 Adam Hold on, but then, couldn't you get more mileage out of, like, a gourd of some kind, something that had a little shelf life? How about you just break down and buy a vibrator or something?

17:50 System Of A Down I do. I have one.

17:52 Drew Does that work?

17:53 System Of A Down Yeah, it does.

17:54 Drew What if you brought that with you, with your boyfriend?

17:57 System Of A Down Yeah, I do, but then that's not him. That's the vibrator.

17:59 Drew So you can do that with him, with the vibrator there?

18:02 System Of A Down Yeah, but, I mean, I want it to be completely him. I've been on them before.

18:05 Adam Yeah, but listen, listen with you crazy broads. Nothing's him. You're thinking about some guy who's on One Life To Live while your boyfriend's going down on you. That's not him. Do you know what I mean?

18:16 Drew Yeah, kind of.

18:17 Adam Yeah, of course you do. You're thinking about anything but where you're at. See, there's some kind of bizarre fantasy with some horse, with some horse involved.

18:26 Drew Uniform, please.

18:27 Adam Hey, you and a pegasus flying in with a strap on is coming on top of you. But this is odd. Nothing's him. We know that. We don't care. That's why we pay half the time.

18:37 System Of A Down You think we care?

18:39 Adam We're just glad to be in the room.

18:42 System Of A Down So do you guys think I should like cut back on, I mean, could that be the problem?

18:46 Drew You could always try for a week and see if that helps.

18:49 No, does the guy turn you on?

18:50 Drew I think it's more of a...

18:51 Yeah. Oh, he's really hot.

18:54 Drew Well, because half of it is the mind of the state.

18:55 Adam Yeah, why are you going so crazy with the vegetables and stuff? And by the way, is anyone... You're living at home, right?

19:02 Yeah.

19:03 Adam They ever find anything in your room?

19:05 Caller Like, did anyone else get in? No.

19:07 Adam I mean, listen, here's my deal. If I'm a girl who's plunging herself with cucumbers or carrots or zucchinis or anything, get... Here's what you do. Get a bottle of, like, zesty Italian dressing and just put it under your bed. And if you ever get popped, you've at least got the dressing to kind of hide your trail just a little bit. You know what I mean?

19:31 Drew You eat the vegetables?

19:32 Adam You're making a salad.

19:34 System Of A Down You know what I mean?

19:36 Adam I mean, okay.

19:38 Caller I hope you don't serve salad at your house before they leave.

19:41 Adam Buy a box of croutons and a thing of zesty Italian and just put it under the bed. And that way, if they find the cucumber, they're gonna see the Italian dressing and the cucumbers and they're gonna, I mean, and the croutons, and they're at least gonna be thrown off the trail a little bit. They may think you're weird, but they won't think you're shoving the box of croutons up your coos, right?

20:03 System Of A Down You never know.

20:04 Adam You don't know. It's a good point.

20:05 System Of A Down And why is Zesty Italian?

20:07 Why not like Ranch or Blue Cheese?

20:09 Adam Well, Ranch is sort of sexually suggestive, you know what I mean? And Blue Cheese.

20:13 And it's got all that remnant stuff.

20:16 Adam Zesty Italian sounds...

20:18 System Of A Down That sounds like you.

20:20 Adam Well, you know they have like Virgin olive oil? Yeah, it's virgin. It's right in there. It's right in the title. Yeah.

20:25 Drew Sounds more wholesome, doesn't it?

20:26 Adam Yeah, Zesty Italian. Nothing wrong with that. It's like this. You go into your daughter's room. She's 14. Zesty Italian. I found some ranch under a drink. Oh, Jesus Christ. We talked to a therapist. But I found some Zesty Italian. Hey! She's healthy. That's darling.

20:42 System Of A Down That's cute.

20:44 Adam Hey! His name was Carmine. He punched me. All right. We're going to take a little break. The Zesty Armenians are here. Of A Down. We will hear something from them when we come back.

20:58 Caller We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

21:20 System Of A Down Oh, you're right there.

21:34 Adam Yeah, it is the Loveline. That's my mic. Yeah. Kind of have nothing to say, but yeah. Yeah. John, Surge, and Shavo are all, well, Shavo's.

21:54 System Of A Down He's sucking on a singer right outside.

21:55 Adam That's right. But Surge and John are both here from Of A Down. We will hear something off of the CD soon. First, yeah. Well, I'll take a call first.

22:08 Caller What do you say?

22:09 Adam Talk to Tom. Tom is 22 years old. Tom?

22:13 Caller Yes. What's up? Well, I got a girlfriend. That she's into this role play stuff. I was cool when it was the pirate and the construction worker, all that stuff. But when she wanted to put peanut butter on my junk and act like a dog, it got to me and it put an end to all of it. Just struck me as something real strange out of her.

22:37 System Of A Down What's her phone number?

22:38 Drew Guess what? You know why we know this is bogus? Yeah. Because you don't have a question.

22:42 Adam Thank you. Thanks, Tom. It's good though. I like it.

22:46 System Of A Down The peanut butter thing was good.

22:47 Adam Yeah. I'm a chunky guy. I don't understand smooth people myself. I see people who buy smooth peanut butter and I look at them like the people buy the thick crust pizza.

22:56 You don't like pizza pan?

22:57 Adam I don't understand it. To me, peanut butter has got to be chunky. So, I think peanut butter to be smooth.

23:02 Drew Chunky?

23:03 Adam Chunky. And you know, you know that commercial where they feed the peanut butter, the got milk commercial, they feed the peanut butter to the dog?

23:09 Drew Makes me insane.

23:10 Adam I find it repugnant.

23:11 Drew Yeah, me too.

23:11 Adam It hurts.

23:12 Drew Yeah.

23:13 Adam And I'm a guy who pees in the sink. I have no problem with that. But I see that dog eating peanut butter. I want to heave. And they hold it for a while too. They hold it way too long.

23:25 Drew Well, that's how it gets you.

23:26 System Of A Down Yeah, it's like the first two licks.

23:27 Adam Like, all right, I got it. And then this close to writing a letter.

23:31 System Of A Down You just see the poor pooch suffering all the time.

23:33 Adam Oh, yeah. I know, I know. Take after take, that poor animal. TC.?

23:38 Caller Yeah, what's up?

23:39 Adam You're 14. What's up?

23:40 Caller Yeah. I got a step sister and she lives with us. And every time like my dad and my step mom go out of town, we've been messing around. And for the past week, she's been wanting to do, asking me to do more.

23:55 Drew How long has she been your step sister?

23:57 Caller For about two or three months.

23:59 Drew Oh boy. Did you guys know each other before you became related?

24:03 Caller Yeah. We were in the same grade through kindergarten, through sixth grade. And we changed schools. I went to private school and she stayed.

24:12 Drew Did you guys kind of want to date or anything before that?

24:15 Caller No. We were just friends. And then, she put up a tweet. She didn't want to ask about sex. And I don't know if I commit or not.

24:23 Drew How old is she?

24:24 Caller She's the same age as 14.

24:27 Adam Hey, DC, and by the way, all you parents who think just because you two, well, look at you two got married and you're humping. You know what I mean? Why shouldn't the kids? But think about that. You're 14. Hold on a second. Imagine when you guys were 14 and you had a 14 year old girl from your class, from your 8th grade or 9th grade and she's two halls down and you can hear her in the shower when you're walking by them and your hormones are going through the roof. She's got the odds for you. You don't care if there's some certificate of marriage that your parents have and some lawyer's office somewhere. You got a boner.

25:09 System Of A Down You know what I mean? You'd have to expect it.

25:13 Adam And now your parents are going out to Carmel for a weekend and you two are hanging out at the condo. Are you high? Of course. Even if it was a guy, I'd be on him.

25:23 System Of A Down You just, well, sorry.

25:27 System Of A Down Easy.

25:29 Adam My promise, I try to make a point. Sometimes I do too good a job. That's all.

25:32 Drew But TC, you know, this would be a bad choice, right? It could really make for an awkward life.

25:39 Adam Thanksgiving. What have you done so far?

25:44 Caller Messed around with the tits and with the what?

25:48 Adam The brass? The brass assistant? Were they attached to her while you were doing that?

25:52 Caller Right.

25:53 Adam Okay. You messed around with those and what else?

25:57 Caller Popped a cherry a few times and she gave me a-

25:59 Drew What is it?

26:00 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

26:01 Adam Popped a cherry a few times. She's a cherry tree. How many cherries do you have?

26:08 Drew One.

26:08 Adam Just one?

26:09 How can you pop it a couple of times?

26:10 Drew You can't.

26:11 Caller For the past two weeks, I've been doing it to her.

26:13 Drew What does that mean?

26:14 Adam He means getting the fingers up in there.

26:16 Caller Yeah.

26:17 Right.

26:19 Adam All right. What else? That's it? She been doing anything to you?

26:26 Caller No.

26:26 Adam I see. She says this weekend, she wants more?

26:29 Caller Yes. Our parents, my stepmom's out of town and my dad's going with her.

26:36 Drew You'll regret going further.

26:37 Adam And are you supposed to, you two just going to hang out there alone?

26:42 Caller Yeah. I'm supposed to go to go to my cousin's house and I'm not.

26:46 Adam You're not? Nope. Don't your parents know that you're not going to your cousin's house?

26:49 Caller No.

26:50 Caller Why not?

26:51 Caller Because I want to go through with this and I'm just asking if I could. No.

26:55 Adam I know. But I'm saying, let's see.

26:58 Drew How do your parents not know you're living somewhere where they expect you to be?

27:01 Caller Oh, because my cousin is supposed to pick me up. I want to give him. I mean, if I'm asking y'all if I should and if I shouldn't, I'm just going to tell my cousin, like he's 16, he's supposed to come and pick me up. And I get to say no and he won't do it.

27:17 Adam I know.

27:17 Drew Don't you hope they get pregnant?

27:18 Adam I know. But how do your parents, don't your parents know that you're not going to your cousin's house?

27:24 Caller Don't they check up?

27:25 Adam They don't call. He has parents. You know what I'm saying?

27:28 Caller Yeah.

27:30 Adam Okay. Listen, Jesus, this guy's a retard. It's like, I'm supposed to go to my cousin's house. They think I'm going to my cousin's house. How do your parents not know you're not going to your cousin's house? Because he's 16 and he's going to pick me up. So I'll just call him and tell him not to pick me up. Yeah, but wouldn't they know you're not going over there? I'm going to call him.

27:55 Drew I'm going to go through with it.

27:56 Adam I want to know if I should go through with it. I know. Wouldn't your parents know if you want? You know what I like to use this guy's head for? I'll hold up my mailbox. It's like a block of concrete. Maybe a tetherball pole. We have such concrete thinkers on this show. Let me put this tetherball pole in your mouth. I'll put you out in the backyard. Clotheslines, tetherball, mailbox, flagpole, satellite.

28:23 System Of A Down This is what we could put these guys.

28:26 Adam Jesus Christ.

28:27 System Of A Down Is he gone?

28:28 System Of A Down No.

28:28 Adam TC. Listen.

28:31 System Of A Down Don't do it.

28:32 Adam Don't do it.

28:33 Caller All right.

28:33 Adam There's going to be trouble here.

28:35 System Of A Down Do you like your stepmom?

28:36 It's just morally wrong, man.

28:38 Caller No, man. She's so fat. She's ugly.

28:41 System Of A Down Okay. Let me put you this way. No matter what, she's with your dad. And if you respect your dad, you're not going to do something that's going to disrupt his house.

28:47 Drew And it's going to really, it's bad for your step sister and it's going to disrupt your life like crazy.

28:52 Adam Yeah. John brought up a good word, which was respect. You know, I mean, what about just a little respect for Pops? I know it's every man for himself on this godforsaken planet we're on now. But what about a little respect? What happened to that word? You know what I mean? It's so much of everybody's looking out for number one. But what about it? He's your dad. He puts a roof over your head. He pays for you. He puts food in your mouth. You're 14. How about a little respect for Pops? Don't do something that you know would really upset him and possibly damage his marriage. Have a little respect. All right. Drew, how about some respect for that microphone? What is up with that thing? It's a change. It's getting bad. It's going bad.

29:35 Drew I don't know what it is.

29:36 Adam Christine?

29:38 Drew That'll fix it. It's good. Oh, hey, it's better.

29:40 Adam It is true.

29:41 System Of A Down You like the funds.

29:43 Drew Christine.

29:44 Adam You're 17.

29:46 Drew Hi.

29:46 I have a question for the band. Well, off you, actually.

29:49 Adam Ask the band.

29:50 Yeah.

29:51 Adam Yeah.

29:51 Okay. First, I'd like to say, yeah, Adam, you're awesome. And my friend, Katie, she loves you and she wants to marry you.

29:57 Drew You want to marry Adam?

29:59 Caller Yeah. I know you're not in the band.

30:03 Drew I'm quite cleared out my stomach.

30:04 Yes, Christine? No, I just think you're awesome and you're really smart. And is Shavo there?

30:11 Drew Yeah.

30:12 Shavo, you're there?

30:13 Adam Yeah, I'm here.

30:14 Hi, Shavo.

30:16 Drew Hi.

30:16 I just want to tell you that, oh my god, I love you. I want to have your children. Oh.

30:22 Adam No, if he already has children, do you get those or you want to have new ones? Is that what that means?

30:28 Drew I think she's talking about new ones. New or used.

30:30 Adam I want to have your children. I mean, new with them. I was always confused.

30:39 But all together, your band has like totally changed my life. It's not like in a way like kept me from suicide or something, but just like I have a totally new outlook on like everything. And so I want to like thank you for that. And I'm seeing you this Saturday and totally looking forward to it.

30:52 Drew Just out of curiosity, what does that mean, a new outlook on everything?

30:55 Well, I mean, the lyrics are really opening. I mean, it's like, it's just the lyrics. I don't know, it doesn't look deeper into them. I'm not like some man.

31:03 Drew Give an example of what you looked into more deeply. Sorry, guys, just curious what you said.

31:08 Like, for example, the song Pluck, like about the genocide. I never knew about that. And just that song, it's like, it really hit me because there's so many things up there in the world that you don't know about. And then the genocide.

31:22 Drew Awesome, there you go.

31:23 Caller That's a really good comment.

31:25 Adam Thanks. Hey, Christine, it was pretty good because Drew backed in her corner.

31:30 Drew I'm curious about what she knew. If she learned something, if so, what?

31:33 Adam No, I know, but you know there's this follow-up compliment that our callers usually have difficulty with? There you go. I think that Adam's a genius. And you go, how come? And they go, I'm really high.

31:46 System Of A Down I need help.

31:47 Adam I'm on methadone, Drew, help me.

31:49 System Of A Down I'm calling from a phone. This is like shots being fired. Okay, all right.

31:54 Adam Well, maybe we shouldn't have done that follow-up. Maybe we should have just left it at that.

31:58 System Of A Down All right.

31:59 Adam Of Down, by the way, is going to be at the Palace, the beautiful Palace out here in Los Angeles this Saturday. But it's all sold out, so let's see if we can talk about it. Let's hear it.

32:08 Drew It's here after the break, though.

32:09 System Of A Down No.

32:09 Adam You want to hear one now?

32:10 Drew Can you do it now?

32:11 Adam Let's hear one now.

32:11 Drew All right.

32:11 Adam We'll roll right into the break. This one is called Sugar.

34:51 Caller 800th Love, 191.

35:09 It's not hard to swallow.

35:12 Caller We've got a frog in our throat.

35:13 Adam Lick it up!

35:14 System Of A Down It's Love Line.

35:16 W-E-B-N.

35:26 Adam Yep, it is Love Line. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. John, Serge, and Shavo are all here from Of A Down. They're wandering back into the studio. Everlast will be in here tomorrow night. Talk to him. Haven't talked to, I guess I talked to him at the, I don't know, Billboard Awards or something last year. They come in after that? I don't think so. All right, so we'll see what's up with Everlast tomorrow night. Of A Down again tonight, and back to the phones. Diana?

35:56 Caller Yes.

35:57 Adam You're 21. What's up?

35:59 Drew I am.

35:59 Caller I just had a question.

36:00 System Of A Down Last night I asked my boyfriend to take me to a strip club and buy me a couple of lap dances, and I was wondering if that made me bisexual.

36:09 Adam No, he makes sense. He's botsexual, but dear, you're not bisexual.

36:13 Drew Do you want to have sex with the girls?

36:16 I don't know.

36:17 I guess it depended which one was dancing.

36:20 Drew Well, one of the things we believe, not believe, we've found is that the history of sexual abuse, physical abuse tends to contribute to a lot of confusion about one's sexual orientation. Do you have that sort of history there?

36:31 No, not at all.

36:32 Drew Nothing. So it's just you.

36:33 System Of A Down You're the keeper.

36:35 Adam You know what's funny about women though? Women are like, well, I'm not lesbian, I'm not into chicks, and I didn't like him, any of those dancers, but this one was really hot. You know, it's like a guy going, yeah, I'm not gay, but my buddy Kurt, I'd blow him.

36:51 System Of A Down Yeah, he's a good looking guy.

36:53 Adam Let's face it, he played a little ball in high school. Very athletic.

36:57 Good guy.

36:58 Adam He's got an El Camino, it's all tricked out. I mean, he's attractive.

37:02 System Of A Down What can I say?

37:05 Adam But all the other guys forget it. Women can do that though, right? I mean, there could be a really attractive, sensual dancer at this club that you think about it with, right?

37:18 Drew It certainly makes you bi-curious, doesn't it?

37:20 System Of A Down Yeah, and the only time I'm really attracted and I really want to think about it is when I'm with him.

37:25 Caller I don't know, maybe it's because I think that it would make him excited and it would make him happy to watch two girls, to watch me with another girl.

37:33 Drew Really?

37:34 Caller Yeah, I don't know.

37:35 Caller That might be a cop-out.

37:37 Drew I don't know.

37:37 Adam What do you mean? I think she really is attracted and she is not listening.

37:42 Drew Interesting. Either that or she wants to destroy this relationship for some reason.

37:47 System Of A Down Or she really wants to please him.

37:49 Adam Are you looking to sabotage?

37:51 Caller No, please, totally please. I would never.

37:53 Caller He's the most wonderful man on the planet.

37:57 Drew Uh-oh.

37:58 Adam Okay, no, wait a minute, wait a minute. That's interesting. Drew brought the, uh, Drew did a very good job of articulating that with the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, okay, so there's one of three scenarios here. One is you do want to be with a girl and you just kind of can't admit it, so you got to go through the boyfriend. Number two scenario is you really just want to please your man, but you think it would really turn him on by seeing that. And number three scenario is he's too good, it's feeling too intense, a little too intimate, and you want to sabotage it even if you don't know it. But this is going to screw things up. Now what about the third scenario? Does it feel a little too close, a little too good, a little too threatening?

38:41 Caller No, I think more the second scenario.

38:43 Drew Have you had good, good, have you lost close love relationships in the past, like early development?

38:48 Caller No.

38:49 Drew Nobody's died or anything like that or like abandonment?

38:52 Adam Do you like your dad?

38:54 Caller I love him. He's great.

38:56 Adam You love him?

38:58 Drew Okay. All right. Has he been in your life continuously? Okay. All right. So it's just this number two, which was, which one was that?

39:07 Adam I invented the scenario.

39:08 Drew I know.

39:09 Adam I can't remember. No, number two was the one where she just wants to see him, please.

39:13 Drew All right. So fine. All right.

39:14 Adam But Diana, do understand that if this relationship's real important to you and you think this guy's a keeper and you do go this route, there is a danger of sort of mixing things up a little.

39:28 Drew Creating, creating, creating to instability. Right.

39:33 Adam All right.

39:33 Drew That's OK. You're 21. You know, this may be something you have to do.

39:37 Adam You sound healthy. I mean, something you want to try. Give it a try.

39:39 Drew I think it's number three. I think it's what we're dealing with here. I really do.

39:42 Adam You think she wants to rock the boat.

39:43 Drew I just do. Yeah, I get the real vibe from you, Diana. I don't know what it is. But if it's just if it's if I'm wrong, enjoy. But if I'm right, we'll find out. Time will tell.

39:53 Adam That's great.

39:54 Drew I screw something up.

39:55 Adam I love this guy when she said to him two nights ago, I'd like to take me to a strip club and get me a lap dance. His brain was like racing, like processing, like going. And he was playing a real cool. He was trying to buy some time. You want to go to a strip club. And meanwhile, it's like smoke coming out of his ears. He's trying to figure it out. She's just setting me up, trying to get a lap dance.

40:21 Drew She's getting mad. If I know where a strip club is, she could be pissed.

40:24 System Of A Down Right, right. This could be a set up, could be a sting operation.

40:28 Adam Wait a minute.

40:28 System Of A Down I was at a strip club three days ago. I didn't tell her.

40:31 Adam Is this what she's getting at?

40:33 System Of A Down So you want to go to a strip club?

40:34 Adam Should I just cave and start admitting stuff right now?

40:37 System Of A Down Tilt, tilt, tilt.

40:38 System Of A Down She's in to sing a check. Right, she's with the check.

40:42 System Of A Down This could lead to me getting laid by others.

40:45 Adam Right. Ed, you're 14. What's up?

40:49 Caller Yeah. I was listening a few days ago and I was wondering why Adam didn't like Beverly High.

40:55 Adam Beverly High? I got no problem with Beverly High.

40:58 Caller Oh, really?

40:59 Adam Yeah. You guys got an oil well.

41:02 Drew That's what he's talking about.

41:03 Adam Yeah.

41:04 Caller Also, I was wondering about the nipple play. You like nipple play?

41:07 Adam I like a little nipple play, yeah.

41:09 Caller How is that? What's that about?

41:10 Drew Ed, you're 14.

41:15 Adam Has your scrotum dropped? Soon you'll be feeling two round spherical things inside of that sack that's down below your penis. Have those come down there yet?

41:28 Caller Yes, they have.

41:29 Adam Oh, they have. Yeah, they did.

41:31 Caller I don't understand the nipple thing.

41:33 Drew Well, I know, your fourth guy. Why is it Adam's nipples? I'm getting very uncomfortable talking to somebody who puked you about something about this.

41:39 System Of A Down As a 14-year-old boy, you're thinking about Adam's nipples.

41:41 Drew It's bad enough having to think about Adam and nipples. That's just already just off the chart.

41:46 Adam I don't know if I ever corrected any nipples.

41:48 System Of A Down Certified NAMBLA member.

41:50 Drew Tempt to discuss it with the 4th General, who's clearly prepubertal. Yeah. Not good.

41:54 Adam Here's what I do with the youngins on my nipples. I draw a little face on them. I put a little lipstick around the nipple.

42:01 System Of A Down I put eyes on top.

42:02 Drew You make them talk?

42:04 Adam Yeah, tonight, tonight.

42:05 Caller That's right.

42:08 Adam Give Mr. Nempliskin a kiss. Yeah. Yeah. Now, listen, here's all I was saying. And Drew grosses out on this, but I know. John, you're probably, you're a sensitive guy. You're a very sensual man. You enjoy the same porno that I enjoy. I'm saying, as a man, that's an erogenous zone for me. I like a little, when I'm with a woman and she wants to put her tongue on those things, I'm fine with that. I got no problem with that. I enjoy that.

42:34 Caller Yeah, more.

42:34 Adam I don't know if I enjoy it as much as a woman does, but I don't want him to check it off the list. And a lot of women just figure, yeah, it's a guy, you know, he's not his kid. No, you gotta tell them.

42:44 Caller You gotta tell most of them, yeah.

42:46 System Of A Down The only problem is with, you know, as you know, you're Italian, we're Armenian.

42:49 Adam A little hair death.

42:50 System Of A Down We have a lot of hair going on. And you can choke someone to death.

42:53 Adam What is this thing?

42:54 Drew Are we talking about this thing?

42:55 Adam Yeah, the last time.

42:56 Drew Danger will rob us. Guys are shaving themselves now a lot.

42:59 System Of A Down Danger will rob us.

43:01 Adam Yeah. No, you guys, I don't shave.

43:03 Drew But they shave their whole bodies these days, right?

43:06 Adam I burn it off with a torch.

43:07 System Of A Down Does Nair hurt nipples or what's the deal?

43:10 Adam They have a new formula now good, now safer nipples.

43:13 Drew Is that how they shave? Are they using Nair or what are they doing?

43:16 Adam I have no idea. Clippers. I have no idea.

43:20 Drew Toysm.

43:21 Adam The point is, let it stand on the record that I like a little nipple plane. If a gal's good on the first date and she can get my bra off, she can get right in there, get herself some. All right, we will take ourselves a little break. Of Down is here. When we come back, we'll speak to Michelle, likes her boyfriend, to stick popsicles and other objects up her. Yeah. Owie. After this. Hello, what is it?

44:36 System Of A Down It's a seance.

44:37 Adam Yeah, Of A Down is here tonight. Kitties, we will hear something from John. Surgeon Shavo, Before the Night Is True again. You just did.

44:46 System Of A Down That was our new song.

44:47 Adam Oh, yeah.

44:58 System Of A Down That'll make Columbia happy.

45:01 Adam Everlast is going to be in here tomorrow night, everybody. And we're just going to hop back on the phones and speak to Michelle. Michelle.

45:12 System Of A Down Hello.

45:13 Adam Hey, you're 19. Yes.

45:14 Caller What's up?

45:15 System Of A Down First of all, I want to say with the band, you guys rocked the smoke out. Thank you very much.

45:19 Caller Thank you.

45:21 Caller And okay, here's my question.

45:23 System Of A Down My boyfriend, I kind of have like a weird foreplay kind of thing I like. I like to watch him put things inside me. He doesn't really like to do it, but he turns me on.

45:36 Drew Where'd you go?

45:37 Adam I think she used the F word in there somewhere. We got to get Michelle back up again. Hey, Michelle, where'd you go to finishing school again? I missed that part. Listen, see if you can not weave the F word into the part about what's being stuffed up your vagina, please.

45:58 Drew Was that act ever done to you without your consent participation?

46:04 Caller No, never.

46:06 Adam Never. So you were asleep when your uncle did it?

46:08 No.

46:10 Caller I like it.

46:11 Adam I see.

46:12 Drew Yeah, but sometimes people start to get turned on by stuff that at one time made them feel powerless.

46:18 System Of A Down Did the ice cream man ever visit you?

46:20 Caller Yeah, actually. Popsicles, candlesticks.

46:22 Adam Candlesticks. Yeah. Hey, Drew, wait a minute. You're right, because I have that same thing sexually. I have this fantasy about being sodomized by the IRS adjuster. Yes. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, because after you've been violated.

46:35 Drew Make a girlfriend dress up and suit, strap on.

46:38 Adam That's right. Put this bad flip-on tie on.

46:41 Caller And put a strap on it.

46:42 Adam Yes. Put a schedule C, put a long form on my back and then just work my rear end real good. That's great.

46:49 Drew It doesn't feel too familiar, though, I feel.

46:52 Adam Yeah.

46:52 Drew It's a little too commonplace.

46:53 Adam Michelle? Yeah. All right, so what kind of stuff is he putting up you? Like my list earlier?

47:00 Yeah, well.

47:01 System Of A Down Strawberry Pop-Tarts?

47:03 System Of A Down Pop, no, like just popsicles, candlesticks, like the cord on telephone.

47:08 Drew What does that do for you?

47:09 Adam A cord? How does he get the telephone cord up there?

47:13 System Of A Down Owie, okay, I'm sorry.

47:14 Caller Owie?

47:14 System Of A Down My cat.

47:15 Caller Owie.

47:16 Adam The what?

47:16 Drew The cat came out.

47:17 System Of A Down My cat scratched me.

47:18 Drew She's just trying to get out. What is it you get from this?

47:25 Adam You got to wear a cotton panty so we can breathe.

47:27 Drew What is it you get from this?

47:29 System Of A Down I like to watch him put it up.

47:31 Caller It totally turns me on.

47:32 Caller I love him for play.

47:33 Drew Why? What do you think?

47:34 Adam Leave her alone. Hold on. I want to know about the phone cord. How does that get up there?

47:38 System Of A Down Not like the phone cord, like the antenna.

47:41 Adam I see. On like a portable phone. Yeah, exactly.

47:43 System Of A Down I hope you disconnected first.

47:44 Adam I see. All right.

47:47 System Of A Down Mom uses the phone afterwards. You're going to have some problems.

47:50 Adam That's great. Cell phone. So he puts his stuff in there. You watch.

47:54 System Of A Down Yeah.

47:54 Adam And he doesn't necessarily want to do it.

47:57 No.

47:58 Caller I'm trying to get him into it.

47:59 System Of A Down Like it took me a while to get him to like spank me too.

48:02 Drew Like, I'll see. Here we go.

48:04 Caller Bring it.

48:04 Adam Really?

48:05 Drew Come on, Adam. Please ask the question.

48:07 Adam Michelle, be honest with us. Okay. When did you lose your virginity?

48:13 Caller When I was 14.

48:14 Adam 14? 13?

48:17 Caller No, 14.

48:17 Adam 13?

48:18 Caller 14.

48:18 Adam How old was the guy?

48:21 Caller 19.

48:22 Adam 19. Oh, we're getting warm now. Who was the guy?

48:27 System Of A Down A person.

48:28 Adam Hold on. Let me grab a scratch pad here.

48:30 Caller He was a friend of mine.

48:32 Adam Person. Friend of yours? Yeah. You're hanging at 14. You're hanging with 19-year-olds? Yeah. Why?

48:38 Caller I don't know. I always just did.

48:39 Drew Did your parents not like that?

48:42 Caller Huh?

48:42 Drew Did your parents ask you not to do that?

48:45 Caller No, they knew.

48:46 System Of A Down They weren't all 19. A lot of them were, actually, most of them. They didn't know all the time, really, so.

48:51 Adam Yeah. Where's your dad?

48:53 System Of A Down In Thailand.

48:54 Adam I see. Why? What's he doing over there?

48:58 System Of A Down He works in an oil rig over there and he owns a bar.

49:00 Adam I see.

49:01 Drew Nice.

49:01 Adam So he's been out of the picture for a while?

49:03 Caller Yeah, but I used to visit him all the time in the summer.

49:05 Caller It's not for the past, like, four or five years.

49:08 Drew Why?

49:09 Caller Why, haven't I?

49:09 Caller Yeah.

49:11 Caller I don't know.

49:11 Caller He doesn't call really anymore.

49:12 Adam Uh-huh.

49:13 System Of A Down Is that where you got the idea for that stuff, the oil rig? You know, pumping things in the ground?

49:18 Drew Did you see some weird stuff when you were in Thailand?

49:20 Caller No.

49:21 System Of A Down Well.

49:21 Adam Ever get hit with a ping-pong ball?

49:23 Caller No.

49:24 System Of A Down Did you see the donkey show?

49:26 Caller Did I see the donkey show?

49:27 Drew Did you see some weird stuff when you were a kid, visiting in Thailand?

49:30 System Of A Down No, I never went to Thailand.

49:31 Caller I was visiting in Texas.

49:33 Drew Did you see some weird stuff when you was?

49:34 Adam Did you get your dad an alcoholic?

49:38 Caller No.

49:39 Adam Hold on, though. I'm picturing this guy. When he's not working on the oil rig, he's behind the counter of his bar. I mean, I'm picturing a pretty surly cat.

49:51 Drew Yeah. That's what I'm saying. He probably had weird stuff lying around.

49:53 Adam Yeah. Is your dad kind of out there, wildcat kind of guy?

49:57 Caller No.

49:58 System Of A Down It's more like my mom. My mom owns a store and she's pretty weird. What store? She has tattoos all over herself.

50:05 Caller She owns what kind of store? A witchcraft store.

50:08 Adam Witchcraft store? Now, is that like witchcraft should you use or you mean like witchcraft?

50:16 System Of A Down Witchcraft.

50:17 Adam I see. They sell crafts to witch or witches?

50:20 System Of A Down No, they sell crafting supplies to witches.

50:22 Adam I see. So like, we're low on Eye of Newt. That's on a back order. And more of those straw broomsticks.

50:31 Caller No.

50:32 System Of A Down Yeah, I guess they're kind of.

50:33 Drew No. Did you see some weird stuff in your kid, like pornography and that kind of thing? How old were you when you first saw that kind of thing?

50:40 Caller When I first saw pornography?

50:41 Caller Yeah. Pretty young.

50:43 System Of A Down That was way before, like, I was even in California.

50:46 Adam Yeah.

50:46 Drew Like, how old were you?

50:48 Caller Little, really little, like six.

50:50 Adam All right. So there we go. How fat is your mom, by the way?

50:53 Caller She's not fat at all. She's beautiful.

50:55 System Of A Down But I'm real fat.

50:56 Adam Right. Yeah. Most of the witches are fat, though. You aware of that?

51:00 Caller No, they're not fat.

51:02 Adam Is she a witch herself?

51:03 Caller Yes.

51:04 Adam She is.

51:05 System Of A Down All right. It's not like the craft or anything like that.

51:07 Caller Come on now.

51:08 Adam No, I know. But your family's pretty whacked out, right?

51:11 Caller My family's pretty whacked out. I would have said you were whacked out.

51:14 Caller They're just eccentric.

51:16 Adam Yeah.

51:16 Drew That's another word for whacked out. And Michelle, listen, there's a lot going on here. You're exposed to pornography at a young age. You've got a dad that's sort of wild and abandoning and lives out of the country. It hasn't been a part of your life for a long time. Mom, it's not at all clear that she's available to meet your needs. And this is a lot of heavy stuff. A lot.

51:37 Adam Did any of Endora's boyfriends do anything to you when you were growing up?

51:42 Caller No.

51:43 Drew She lost her virginity at 14 to a 19-year-old. So already the whole stage was set.

51:47 Adam Right.

51:48 Caller Oh, okay. Does this have to do with me liking it?

51:51 Adam Well, you got a little... here's the deal.

51:54 Caller Am I going to get any infections or anything? That's all I want to know.

51:57 Drew No.

51:57 Adam No.

51:58 Drew But if you don't get a handle on what's going on with yourself emotionally, you're not going to get...

52:03 Caller I'm personally fine.

52:04 Adam Yeah. Listen, Michelle, here's the God's honest truth. You grew up around some nut jobs for parents, all right? You got the crazy mom who...

52:13 Caller I love my parents.

52:14 Drew That's fine. That's good. But you're going to deal with them realistically.

52:17 Caller They were wonderful parents.

52:18 Caller I was raised very well.

52:19 Adam Your dad's great. Sends you a postcard every four years.

52:21 Drew Hasn't been alive for four years. That's not wonderful parenting.

52:24 Adam Yeah. I mean, I'm in Thailand.

52:26 System Of A Down My dad's not the best, but my mother is definitely the best.

52:28 Drew Listen, Michelle, fine.

52:30 Adam Your mom's a wiccan, come on.

52:32 Drew She married your dad.

52:35 Adam You know what's great about this show? We talk kids out of loving their parents. It's great.

52:39 System Of A Down I love them very dear.

52:40 Adam No, no, no.

52:41 System Of A Down How dare you?

52:41 Adam Your dad's a pedophile.

52:42 Drew It's not loving the park. She should love them. It's looking at them realistically is the whole job.

52:48 Adam I know.

52:48 Drew Seeing them realistically for who they are. And mom's a whack job. Dad's a whack job.

52:52 Adam Of course. Mom opens a witch store for Christ's sake. And hold on. Where do you open a witch? It's not at a mall, is it? It's like a sandwich in between Orange Julius and a bed bath and beyond. Where do you open a witch store? Where? Where? In North Hollywood. North Hollywood.

53:14 System Of A Down Is it on Ventura Boulevard?

53:15 Adam No, that's too pricey over there.

53:17 System Of A Down All right.

53:17 Adam I'm going to guess what street it's on. All right. Don't stop me. I'm starting. Well, let's see. Magnolia. Ventura is too good, too pricey. But you couldn't go like Sherman Way because the Mexicans could freak down and burn it down.

53:33 System Of A Down It's too far up.

53:38 Adam It's like, hey, come on, they're competing with the Santeria. Bad blood. I'm going to go. I'm going with like a Vineland Lanker shim.

53:47 Caller Pretty good.

53:48 Adam That was really good.

53:49 System Of A Down That's good.

53:49 Adam Really good.

53:50 Caller You know a little bit about this, Adam.

53:51 Adam Yeah.

53:51 System Of A Down Where?

53:52 Adam Where is it?

53:52 Caller If you were right.

53:54 Adam Where?

53:54 Caller Vineland.

53:55 Adam Vineland. Where? What's the cross-street?

53:57 Caller Magnolia.

53:58 Drew Why are you saying these things?

53:59 System Of A Down Why are you saying these things? Jesus.

54:01 Adam Right. That's where the band's practicing.

54:03 System Of A Down Christ's sake.

54:04 Adam We're just talking about this. Maybe you could ever score. I grew up there. What?

54:08 System Of A Down Oh, no.

54:08 Adam That's where I grew up. Oh, no. Oh, no.

54:11 System Of A Down Oh, no.

54:12 Adam All right. All right. Hey, listen, Michelle. You're a little bit crazy. You just gotta understand that.

54:18 Drew Is that a potlap or the... Wearing there too.

54:21 Caller A what?

54:22 Adam Oh, you smoke a lot of weed?

54:24 Caller No.

54:24 Adam Yeah?

54:25 Drew No, no, no. All right.

54:27 Adam All right. I'll let you off.

54:28 System Of A Down Okay. Do you have any tattoos?

54:30 Caller Yeah.

54:30 Drew Oh, yeah.

54:31 System Of A Down How many?

54:32 Caller One.

54:33 System Of A Down One?

54:34 Drew A big sun.

54:35 Adam Yeah. Sun. It goes all the way around her body.

54:38 Drew No. No.

54:39 Adam What about, uh, and what, seriously, does your mom make a living off of this?

54:43 Caller Uh, yes.

54:43 System Of A Down This witch store?

54:44 Caller Yes.

54:44 System Of A Down Really?

54:46 Drew What's the leading selling item?

54:48 Adam Yeah. What do they sell the most of?

54:49 Caller Oh my God, you guys, come on.

54:49 Caller I'm not advertising my mom's store.

54:51 Adam Yeah, go ahead. What do they, what do they sell the most of?

54:54 Caller Bat wings.

54:55 Caller Candles. Candles.

54:57 Adam I see. All right. There you go. You got to go. You, you couldn't just go to a pottery barn and grab one of those. You got to haul, you got to schlep it out to North Hollywood and get that. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, this, not this candle. This is the love candle. Right. You put it, you put it right up. Yeah, it's great. Jason? Yeah. Seventeen. What's up? It's funny. Yeah, she said, where? Drew yelled out Magnolia. I yelled the violin or Lankersham and there we were. Jason?

55:25 Caller Yeah.

55:26 Adam What's up?

55:26 Caller I got a question for the band.

55:28 Adam Go right ahead.

55:29 Caller All right. Well, first of all, Of A Down, you guys rock. You're the best.

55:33 System Of A Down Thank you very much.

55:36 Caller I was wondering when you guys' new album is going to come out.

55:43 System Of A Down Okay, I can't go that high.

55:47 Drew Can you guys talk about this one, too?

55:49 System Of A Down Well, if you want to. Our next album will probably come out sometime next year.

55:53 Caller Next year? Yeah. Was it true that you guys were recording it?

55:56 Caller Because I read that in OC.

55:57 Drew We're writing it.

55:58 Caller You're writing it.

55:58 Drew In the meantime, this Loud Rocks came out.

56:00 System Of A Down Yeah, we do have a song on Loud Rocks, which is a compilation album. Sha, why don't you say something about it?

56:06 Caller Well, it's a Loud Rocks compilation album.

56:08 System Of A Down There you go.

56:09 Adam Who all is on that, Drew?

56:11 Drew I'm going to read the back.

56:14 System Of A Down It's got us with Wu-Tang Clan, Sugar Ray, Static X, Everlast, Endo, Tom Morello, and Chad Smith, Crazy Town, 7 Dust, Frunge Is Dead, Ozzy Osbourne, Ozzy does a Wu-Tang Clan song. Incubus.

56:30 Adam Who put this whole thing together?

56:32 System Of A Down Loud Rocks.

56:32 Caller No, Loud Records.

56:34 System Of A Down There's the Skrill Amy Finnerty.

56:36 Drew She put it together.

56:37 Adam And she decided, I'm going to do a compilation thing where bands cover other band songs.

56:42 System Of A Down Off of Loud Records, yeah.

56:43 Adam Right.

56:43 System Of A Down It's like rap meets rock.

56:45 Adam Right.

56:45 System Of A Down Just like it's been going on for a long time.

56:46 Adam Alright, and that's available now.

56:48 System Of A Down Yeah.

56:49 Adam Alright, Jason, but you're going to have to wait a little for the next system of a down CD to come out.

56:52 Caller That Loud Rock, Avalon just rocked.

56:54 Caller I love the song you guys have with Wu-Tang.

56:57 Adam Oh, you have it already?

56:57 Caller Yeah, I already got it.

56:58 Drew Oh, you're a fan.

57:00 System Of A Down We also have something on...

57:02 Caller The Blair Witch 2.

57:03 System Of A Down The Black Sabbath.

57:04 Drew That too.

57:04 Caller Oh, you do?

57:05 System Of A Down Compilation, yeah. We did Snowblind on that. So if you want to just hear something that we did, you know, we put a new spin on it. Okay.

57:11 Adam And you guys are on the Blair Witch 2 soundtrack?

57:13 System Of A Down Yeah, and we'll also be on the Dracula 2000.

57:17 Caller We're also doing a lot too.

57:19 System Of A Down And we're gonna play Stones 3000.

57:21 Adam What's the Dracula 2000?

57:23 Marketing scheme for Dracula.

57:25 Adam Oh, it is?

57:26 Drew We have a cover of Metro from Berlin.

57:29 Adam Oh, really?

57:30 Wow.

57:31 Drew My kids came upon American Movie Classics has like monster mania, where they have all these old classics, Wolfman, Frankenstein, everything. It's a, seriously, it is bizarre to watch these things and see one after another.

57:44 Adam You mean from the 50s or 60s?

57:45 Drew From the 40s and 50s, yeah.

57:48 Adam Does that hold your kids' interest? I mean, can they watch it?

57:51 Drew It's so bizarre to them. I mean, it's hard for them even to understand.

57:56 Adam Can't process that kind of bad movie making.

57:58 Drew Exactly. It's like, why do they do this? Why bother? I understand. Why is it black and white? Why do they, you know, why is the creature?

58:06 Adam You guys remember monster movies when you never got to see the monster? You saw like the shadow or the hand to grab the person. You never got to glimpse at the thing.

58:15 Caller That scared you more scary.

58:17 Drew But they had all sorts of rational questions like the creature, the creature. Why doesn't he pick the girl up and go, why is the girl lying there yelling? Why doesn't she get up and run? I mean, it's not like they're outraged. They're like, what the hell's going on here?

58:27 Adam Right. Kids are very cynical, Drew.

58:30 System Of A Down These gratifications.

58:31 Adam You got to get them back into therapy.

58:33 Drew It's wild to watch those things though, with the way things are now. It's amazing.

58:37 Adam Hey, listen, I can't even watch shows from the 70s. You watch the Dukes of Hazzard.

58:42 Drew That brings you back bad memories.

58:43 Adam Well, you watch Dukes of Hazzard and you realize this is a top 10 show and your mind, if you're stoned, your head will explode.

58:49 System Of A Down I'm sorry. I still like Dukes of Hazzard.

58:50 Adam I do too, but it's amazing to think that show hovered around like number one and number two for a couple of years.

58:55 System Of A Down My cousins are actually building that car for me.

58:58 Adam Oh, really? Is that a Charger?

59:00 System Of A Down I think so, 71 or 72.

59:02 Adam Nice. Have fun with that.

59:04 System Of A Down I'm going to start jumping over railroad tracks and stuff.

59:07 Adam You know what's funny? My favorite part about the Dukes of Hazzard. The guy jumped the car over a train. They'd always do it in slow motion. The car would hit with the front end hitting about 10 minutes before the rear wheels hit. It'd be in slow motion. You'd see the whole front end come off of the car.

59:25 System Of A Down Wheel turn sideways, grill, hood go flying off and stuff.

59:29 Adam And then next scene was them behind the wheel motoring down the hill.

59:34 System Of A Down Yeah, my favorite was how Uncle Jesse would just lift up one leg like he's about to get into the car and then the next scene would be him in the back seat.

59:42 Adam He's in the back, right.

59:43 System Of A Down You know they had to pry the top off of that car and like bring it down on a crane.

59:47 Adam No, he sat down and they lowered the car down on it. No, seriously, this is a very good point because if anybody has an old grandparent or parent or somebody who's old, they gotta get in and out of that car, hey, that's work, man.

1:00:02 System Of A Down That's not happening, man. First of all, it'd be tough enough to get him in the front seat. They got him in the back seat. It's like a two-foot thing you can go through, and he's like three feet wide.

1:00:12 Adam Yeah, Jesse couldn't. That's a very good point. He could have made it into that car with the doors well shut.

1:00:16 System Of A Down It just doesn't work.

1:00:17 Adam Just in general, you know, Drew, I go on my jigs about what's missing from TV.

1:00:21 Drew Reality.

1:00:22 System Of A Down Three's Company.

1:00:22 Adam People used to get into cars in very exciting ways, sliding across the hood, diving through. Now they open the door and they get in and they shut the door. It used to be the guy would go sliding all the way across the hood if he was in a herd.

1:00:36 Drew Or throw himself in the window.

1:00:39 Adam Yeah. Whatever happened to the guy in the hood of the car got knocked in all those boxes in the alley.

1:00:43 System Of A Down You can't do that anymore because now we have sport utility vehicles and you need to have a high jump gold medal to get up on top of that thing. There's no way.

1:00:50 Adam Yeah. You couldn't slide across the hood.

1:00:52 System Of A Down Let me just make one point though. In Three's Company, Chrissy was like the biggest ho in the first couple of episodes. What happened to that? Like all of a sudden she became an idiot, you know, like after a while.

1:01:05 Adam Yeah.

1:01:05 System Of A Down I miss her ho in us.

1:01:06 Adam I do too. I sure got to watch your earlier episodes. Dave?

1:01:09 System Of A Down First one. She's like all over Jack.

1:01:10 Hello?

1:01:11 Adam Dave, you're 20.

1:01:13 Caller Yeah.

1:01:13 System Of A Down What's up?

1:01:14 Caller Um, alright. Here goes. When I was 13, I was sent to a wilderness survival program.

1:01:23 Adam Outward bound type of thing.

1:01:24 Caller Deliverance? Yeah, exactly.

1:01:25 Adam Yeah. Cause you're-

1:01:26 Caller Only this one was shut down because a kid died out there.

1:01:29 Caller You were a- You feel like a pig, you know?

1:01:31 Adam You were a troublemaker when you were 13?

1:01:33 Caller Well, you know, just the regular teenage bulls**t.

1:01:35 Adam Oh man, with the swearing, everybody.

1:01:40 Drew He obviously has now grown it.

1:01:42 Adam I'm really compelled by this call though, because I know someone who did that outward bound thing and it sounded like torture to me. It basically, here's what outward bound is. It's supposed to build the kid's self-esteem and reliance on himself and everything, but it's really a way to take troublemakers and just ship them out to the woods.

1:01:58 Drew But it sounds like there's more in this story. There's something coming here.

1:02:01 Adam Oh, I hope so. Hey, Dave?

1:02:02 Drew Yeah.

1:02:03 Adam Please do not swear. We'll have to hang up on your ass. All right, go ahead.

1:02:07 Caller All right, yeah. Basically, the whole outward bound thing, you know, break you down, then build you up.

1:02:14 Adam Right.

1:02:15 Caller Well, while I was out there, I was molested.

1:02:20 Adam By a bear or by a counselor?

1:02:21 Caller No. Well, seriously, though, no, I was raped.

1:02:25 Drew One of the other kids.

1:02:25 Adam Oh, boy.

1:02:26 Caller By three of the different counselors that were out there.

1:02:29 Drew Oh, my God.

1:02:30 Adam And how long were you slated to be out there?

1:02:34 Caller Minimum of 63 days, but I was out there for just under five months. Wow.

1:02:40 Adam Did you report it? And you were 13?

1:02:42 Caller Yeah.

1:02:43 Adam And why five months? I mean, isn't it supposed to be like a summer thing? I mean, don't you miss the school year?

1:02:49 Caller Oh, no. I was there during the winter. It's all months of the year. This is, you know, years ago before they even regulated anything. Nowadays...

1:02:58 Adam Well, hold on. This is seven years ago.

1:03:00 Caller Yeah.

1:03:01 Adam This is in the in the 90s. This is what we're not talking about, like pre-World War II here.

1:03:05 Caller Well, no, but there has since, like, you know, programs, there has been children dying in them.

1:03:10 Adam Right.

1:03:11 Caller Since then, they're getting, like, you know, legal, like actual things change.

1:03:16 Adam But, Dave, were you a, and not, I don't want to, I don't want to take anything away from your experience, but, I mean, it sounds strange, the 13-year-old, with the, you know, basic 13-year-old problems, was sent away for five months to an outward bound program. Yeah.

1:03:32 Caller Oh, I was sent twice. I went when I was 16 as well, but to a different one.

1:03:36 Drew Yeah, but the point is-

1:03:36 Adam What I'm saying is you sound like a profoundly troubled kid. I mean, were you really acting out? Were you getting into a lot of trouble?

1:03:45 Caller Pretty much, yeah.

1:03:46 Drew Yeah, okay.

1:03:47 Adam So it wasn't just the same-

1:03:47 Caller Well, you know, a lot of drugs and what. My parents are- I don't consider them to be good parents.

1:03:53 Drew All right, well, a lot of drugs and stuff, so we got the picture.

1:03:55 Adam Okay, so you went the first time when you were 13. What state is this in, by the way?

1:04:01 Caller The first one was in Utah.

1:04:02 Adam In Utah. And you go at 13 and you get raped by a counselor. Counselors. Your first, what, how long were you there before that happened?

1:04:14 Caller How long was I, like, actually in the program before it happened? Probably two months. Well, it started right when I got there, but nothing actually happened until a couple of months in.

1:04:26 Adam Right, a lot of guys undressing you with their eyes. That happens to me.

1:04:29 Caller Kind of, yeah.

1:04:30 Caller Well, all right, now hold on.

1:04:34 Adam You know, you understand why I hate our callers, even the ones that have been raped. You know what I mean? How long after you started the program did the rape begin? It's been, well, about two months, about two months. Well, it actually began, you know, first, right when I got off the bus. Well, would it have, well, nothing, really, you know.

1:04:52 System Of A Down So, okay.

1:04:54 Adam I'm trying to figure out whether he was, like, raped the first day and they continuously raped him or made him live in fear or it was, like, on the last day. Does anyone know what the answer to this is? No. Dave, when did this physically happen, the rape part?

1:05:11 Caller Two months into it.

1:05:12 Adam Two months. But you're only supposed to be there 63 days.

1:05:16 Caller Well, it's a minimum, 63 days. You're not going home until 63 days is up, no matter how much you've changed.

1:05:23 Adam Right.

1:05:24 Caller There's kids that are out there for eight months, ten months. It doesn't matter.

1:05:27 Adam Okay. So, you got raped at the two-month break. And then, what happened after you got raped? You didn't report it, or is nobody to report it to?

1:05:35 Caller My parents still don't even know.

1:05:37 Adam I see. And you stayed for another X amount of... How much time did you stay for?

1:05:42 Caller Five months total.

1:05:44 Adam How much after that? So, another three months?

1:05:46 Caller Yeah. Well, it went on throughout the three months. All the way up until about two weeks before I went home. And then, that's when they start treating you all nice and everything like that. And then, when your parents come, it looks like, you know, summer camp.

1:06:01 Adam Then, then you went back again in 16.

1:06:04 Caller But this was a different program. This program before had already been shut down because a kid died out.

1:06:09 Drew Did anything happen to you when you were back at 16?

1:06:12 Caller No, the second one, nothing really happened. It was actually not that half-baked.

1:06:16 Adam Well, the second one has the sign on the cabinet that says, no rapes in the last 73 days, 74 days. It's like accidents on the workplace.

1:06:25 Drew The circle with the line through it.

1:06:27 Adam Yeah, no raping.

1:06:29 Drew Two guys.

1:06:29 Adam Oh, man. All right, so Dave, that must have really, I mean, you were screwed up already. And now, you're really screwed up.

1:06:37 Caller Well, yeah, well, see, this is where my question comes into play.

1:06:41 Adam Right.

1:06:42 Caller My best friend in the whole world just committed suicide the earlier this month. Oh, my god. And him, he had gone through something similar. You know what I mean, with the whole molestation.

1:06:55 Adam Right.

1:06:56 Caller Him and I had plans to where every six months we were going to kill a child molester is kind of revenge.

1:07:04 Adam Wait a minute, that's my plan. Oh, no, wait, I'm four months. Okay, you take six. Sorry, Dave. Yeah, go ahead.

1:07:09 Caller Confessions of the series.

1:07:10 Caller Here's my problem. I still want to do this.

1:07:13 Adam Right.

1:07:14 Caller And I'm wondering if I actually go through with this, am I going and, you know, get away with it? Am I going to wind up like a serial killer? Cause I just recently found out a lot of them are sexually motivated.

1:07:26 Caller Right.

1:07:26 Caller You know what I mean?

1:07:27 Adam A lot of the serial killings.

1:07:28 Caller Yeah.

1:07:29 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:30 Adam But they're not, they don't necessarily kill, dependent on what the person has done to somebody else. They do it to the person. How are you going to find these? How are you going to find the child molesters?

1:07:42 Caller Oh, you look on the internet anywhere. You can find out child molesters easily nowadays. They're posted. When they move into your neighborhood, they got to call and tell. You know what I mean?

1:07:52 System Of A Down Did this happen to anybody else that went to this camp?

1:07:54 Caller Yeah. My best friend out there too.

1:07:56 System Of A Down No. But do you know of anyone besides the two of you?

1:07:59 Caller Oh, yeah. The person that initially did it to me, and then the two owners also did it. The person that first did it to me was already a convicted child molester.

1:08:09 System Of A Down Now what I'm saying is, do you know of anyone else that this happened to you?

1:08:14 Drew Dave, as opposed to taking the law into your own hands and maybe inadvertently hurting some innocent people, and remember, these are people that are hurting the way you hurt, they're just dealing with it in inappropriate ways. What about becoming very active, like politically active, or becoming an attorney and really using much more powerful forces to try to really bring this into public perspective, create some legislation, and really become a force for changing the overall awareness about these things, and affecting the behavior of lots of these guys, and getting them to justice as opposed to knocking off one every six months. How about getting involved in the system in a very substantial way, and really doing something powerful about this issue?

1:08:57 System Of A Down And what's the statue of limitations on child rape?

1:09:00 Drew And why every six months, and why every three months? What do you think about that, Dave?

1:09:04 Caller I mean, my best friend and I, we discussed everything from A to Z, what to do and whatnot, and basically growing up. We never, both of us, we didn't lead sheltered lives, you know what I mean? We were pretty much put out on the street, early age.

1:09:18 Drew Yeah, but you can still always turn it around. Why not get, especially when you're so motivated? How old is he?

1:09:24 Adam He's 28. Let me chime in here. Dave? Yeah. Don't listen to that, Drew. Forget about being an attorney. Drew had a plan. He was telling me during the break where him and some of his doctor friends were going to shoot an attorney every six months. What about that plan, Drew? I'm sorry.

1:09:38 Caller I told you, I can never, how dare you?

1:09:42 Adam Okay, listen, here's, Dave, listen to me. Here's my point. Here's the deal. A lot of these guys who you're killing or he will be killing were victims themselves at some point. As Drew brought that up. And it's very sad. And the friend of yours who killed himself at some point could have been the guy who was molesting somebody down the road because what had happened to him? It's a horrible cycle. Do you understand, Dave? I know. So you killing this guy is almost like you killing yourself or killing your buddy who already killed himself. It's not the way to go, but here's the deal too. It's destroying your life as well. You know what I mean? That's not gonna work.

1:10:22 Caller I mean, but see, here's the thing. I also suffer from really, really, really low self-esteem. Right. Like any kind of drug, put it in me, it doesn't really matter. You know what I mean?

1:10:32 Adam Right.

1:10:34 Caller Obviously, depression has been on my shoulders lately.

1:10:37 Adam Right. No, listen, Dave, here's the deal. Drew's gonna talk you off the air because we're running late for break. I gotta go to the bathroom. But listen, here's the deal. Seriously, a lot of people's head is at a certain place at 20. Lord knows everyone in this room, I'm sure, had thoughts that weren't so great, wouldn't have been so great for their future at one time or another. You can't act out on them because there'll be a time when you'll have a family and you'll have a good job and you'll have a good life and you'll look back on this time and be glad that you didn't go down this road. And like I said, you're gonna be killing people that were victimized by their uncle or by their school teacher or their priest at some point and now they become your victim. Do you see what I'm saying, Dave? So you should go that route where you deal with it yourself and don't destroy your life any more than it's already been destroyed.

1:11:28 System Of A Down Break the cycle.

1:11:29 Adam That's right. Drew, you talked to him on it during the break. I know you hate when I tell you to do that, but you know, you're the doctor. You gotta earn your money, right? Yeah, of course. All right, we'll be back.

1:11:41 Caller Uh-huh, back in a minute.

1:12:02 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, and that is Dr. Drew, still on the phone with the troubled caller called in. Of A Down is who's in here tonight. Actually, just John is in here.

1:12:14 System Of A Down We're dropping like flies.

1:12:15 Adam Shavone, Serger, oh no, here they come. Everlast in here tomorrow night, and we're gonna hop back on the phone and talk to Amanda. Amanda?

1:12:29 System Of A Down Yeah?

1:12:30 Adam You're 20, what are you, 20?

1:12:32 System Of A Down 20.

1:12:32 Caller What's up?

1:12:33 System Of A Down I masturbate with a vibrator and I use lotion, and I was just wondering if that's bad, like can I get infections or anything?

1:12:43 Adam No, you can short out the vibrator, I believe, but no. You use lotion on, what kind of lotion do you use?

1:12:50 Caller I don't know, just whatever's laying around.

1:12:52 Adam Yeah, I don't know, I guess you can put all that stuff up, yeah. Dr. Drew's still talking to the guy who wants to kill. Actually, wait a minute, we have an update. The guy who's going to kill one pedophile every six months, Drew has him up to eight months now. He's going to kill one every eight months. You're doing a great job there, Drew, stay with it. Drew says he's going to take a leak when he gets to ten months.

1:13:13 Caller Okay.

1:13:14 Adam Here's the deal, as far as I know about, I don't know, I'm no gynecologist, but I do know that the floor and the fauna can be thrown out of balance very easily. It's like some kind of ecosystem down there, you know, and it's like a biosphere. And you introduce something foreign and all of a sudden you got yeast pouring out and smoke and oil. It's a disaster. Pelicans washing up on the beach. Alaskan oil. Yeah, it's Puget Sound all the way. So maybe you want to use something like Astroglide or KY or something that's kind of meant for that area. Something that might not have like perfume and other things like that, you know? All right. All right, so that's fine.

1:13:57 Caller Homeopathic solution.

1:13:58 Adam Yeah, use your vibrator and use a little something that they put up there.

1:14:02 Caller Okay.

1:14:03 Adam Right?

1:14:03 System Of A Down My husband just yelled at me to tell you that you're God.

1:14:06 Adam Okay, thank you.

1:14:07 Caller Yeah, whatever. Right.

1:14:09 Adam Hey, and what a great God I am. What other God would you talk about in your vibrator way? I mean, I'm a very cool God, as far as gods go.

1:14:16 System Of A Down You're hip.

1:14:17 Adam I'm benevolent. Yeah, I don't pass a lot of judgment on my...

1:14:20 System Of A Down You're no George Burns.

1:14:21 Adam My subjects, my people, what are we to God?

1:14:24 System Of A Down Your creation.

1:14:25 Adam My children. Your children. I don't like to say my creation. I want to take credit for this crap.

1:14:29 Caller Are you kidding me?

1:14:31 Adam Creation. All right, let's see. Brent.

1:14:36 Caller Yes.

1:14:37 Adam You're 21, what's up?

1:14:39 Caller Yeah, actually, my question is more for Dr. Drew, but maybe you can help me out. Lately, I've found myself, it seems like I'm getting addicted to those 1-900 numbers, like those sex phone lines, and I just-

1:14:52 System Of A Down How?

1:14:53 Caller Welcome to the hotline that connects large women with men who are dwarfs.

1:14:59 Caller Are you- Exactly.

1:15:01 Adam You're calling these every night?

1:15:03 Caller Not every night, it's just-

1:15:05 Adam How much time are you spending on the phone?

1:15:08 System Of A Down How much money are you spending?

1:15:09 Adam Yeah, how much money are you spending?

1:15:13 Caller It just all depends on how much they charge when you call. It's like $30, $35.

1:15:17 Adam Yeah.

1:15:18 System Of A Down What's your average monthly bill is what I'm trying to get at?

1:15:21 Caller No, no, it's not like a monthly thing. It's just recently I found myself.

1:15:25 Adam Yeah.

1:15:26 System Of A Down Why don't you invest in a VCR or something?

1:15:28 Drew Thanks for going to Song and I appreciate that.

1:15:29 Adam Yeah, no problem.

1:15:30 Drew Yeah, I appreciate that. We're about to go to the Song. I told you it's going to take me a while.

1:15:33 Adam Yeah, I know. Drew said I'd take a leak when I hear some, but I'm rolling with the show.

1:15:37 Drew I said I'm going to talk to Dave for a while.

1:15:39 Adam Drew said, as soon as I get this screwball off the line, I'm going to take a leak. I got to call my agent.

1:15:44 Drew Dave was great. All right.

1:15:46 Adam You get that straightened out? Is he cool?

1:15:47 Drew Is he going to kill anybody? No, I don't think he is. I don't think he'll be OK. But Dave, Brad. Yes. This is more, you know, people that get addicted have lots of consequences from their behaviors. Have you?

1:16:00 Caller Yeah, exactly. I mean, I want it to end, you know.

1:16:02 Drew Are you losing a lot of money, that kind of thing, in time?

1:16:06 Caller No, I don't know. It's not a lot of money, just because it seems really, it's like it's starting to happen.

1:16:11 Drew Is there a family history of alcoholism?

1:16:13 Caller No, no. My family has all been good on that.

1:16:15 Adam OK, listen, hold on. I'm going to take care of this. He just got to whack off.

1:16:18 Drew Or is he sexually abused? The other thing, get that history out. Were you sexually abused or anything?

1:16:24 Caller Yeah, my grandpa did in the last thing when I was younger.

1:16:26 Adam He's going to kill one grandfather every six months until this planet is rid of him.

1:16:31 Drew That's where the sexual compulsion comes from. People who are sexually abused often times put on a trajectory towards compulsive sexual behaviors and if there's a biological history of addiction in your family, you'll become truly a sex addict. This is sexual compulsion.

1:16:45 Adam Is your grandfather dead?

1:16:47 Caller No, he's still alive.

1:16:48 Adam Oh, that's too bad. What's up with that? I mean, what is up with a grandfather who looks at his grandson and gets a little wood? I mean, hey, let me tell you something. Here's what I think. I know maybe society doesn't think this way and maybe we're trying to talk our last caller out of this kind of thinking, but to me, that is a kind of broken that could never be fixed. That is like a horse with four broken legs and brain cancer. You know what I mean? Just put them out of their misery.

1:17:22 Drew They could contain their behavior if society had proper sort of forces in place to keep them. You know what I mean?

1:17:28 Adam You're looking at your own grandkid and going, this is looking good.

1:17:32 Drew It really is. Since the sexual revolution, they say, hey, go for it. Whatever you want to do, it's fine. And so people lose their bearings.

1:17:37 Adam All right. So Brent, Brent, how long did this go on for a while?

1:17:42 Caller No, it was just one time.

1:17:44 Drew So how old were you?

1:17:45 Adam Was your grandfather?

1:17:46 Drew Yeah.

1:17:47 Caller I was probably around seven or eight.

1:17:49 Drew And do you like, remember this?

1:17:51 Caller Is this like, you know, I remember everything in detail.

1:17:54 Adam Was he an alcoholic? Was he drunk?

1:17:57 Caller No, I don't remember him being drunk at the time.

1:17:59 Adam I don't know.

1:18:00 Caller What did he do?

1:18:01 System Of A Down How did he molest you? Yeah, like did he touch you?

1:18:03 Caller He just pretty much fondled me.

1:18:05 Caller Yeah.

1:18:06 Adam That's great.

1:18:07 Drew All right.

1:18:08 Adam Hey, Brent, that alone in itself is a reason enough for a little therapy. You know, work it out a little bit, you know, and until then, you got to whack off. I want to talk to the band about this. How many times, John, I know, I know the whole band is deep into pornography, but Darren's not here.

1:18:25 Drew He should be involved in this conversation.

1:18:27 Adam You know what I'm talking about? Where you go, like you're sitting home and you go, yeah, let's see, what's on the Spice Channel? You're traveling and you're going, what is that pay-per-view? What is that? 14.95? Always. Let me get a little taste of that. I can charge that to the Romans. I watch, I watch a whole movie. I got drunk once when we were on the road, we were in Philadelphia. I watched a movie twice. I went all the way through the movie, realized they cut out all the good stuff, and then went back and watched it again. It was like 28 bucks by the time it was done. And every time when you're done whacking off, you go, I should have done that in the first three minutes. I could have saved myself a trip.

1:19:07 System Of A Down I was on the other bed.

1:19:08 Drew How did I not know about this?

1:19:10 Adam Well, it was on the other side of the bed. It was a king size.

1:19:13 System Of A Down The point is, think about all the time when you passed me the towel. Think about all the trouble. Hold still. Just keep looking. Just keep looking like that.

1:19:22 Caller Don't move.

1:19:24 Adam You've been working out?

1:19:27 System Of A Down Did you wax your ass again?

1:19:29 Adam So here's my point. If you just would have taken care of yourself before you picked up the phone, before you fed the money in to you, before you molested your grandson, before you called that old girlfriend drunk at four in the morning, before, before, before, you would have just gone to bed.

1:19:44 Drew Why don't we just-

1:19:44 Adam Just whack off. Everyone, just do it.

1:19:47 Drew If you really follow your logic to its natural conclusion, why don't we just get this testosterone blocking agent and just take that out of our system?

1:19:54 Adam No, that's no fun. That's not fun. We wouldn't work.

1:19:56 Drew You miss the masturbation days.

1:19:58 Adam You understand these guys have no testosterone. They have no tour. They have no songs.

1:20:02 System Of A Down No music.

1:20:03 Adam No music. You understand? That creates it.

1:20:05 Drew The chi is out of them.

1:20:06 Adam That creates it.

1:20:07 Drew Oh, I see. If you block the testosterone.

1:20:08 Adam Right.

1:20:09 Drew That's really their chi.

1:20:10 System Of A Down That's their chi.

1:20:11 Adam Okay. We're going to do a little chi whiz.

1:20:15 System Of A Down You'll see what we mean.

1:20:17 Adam Drew's got to take a leak. This one's called War. All right, we see you drain their balls. So you think they can make that kind of music, Drew? How dare you suggest that?

1:23:06 Drew I think block their balls, not drain them.

1:23:07 System Of A Down See, after playing that, we can't go out and kill anybody.

1:23:09 Drew You were advocating draining their balls.

1:23:11 System Of A Down Everything comes out.

1:23:13 Drew All right, thank you.

1:23:13 Adam Drew, didn't you have to go to the bathroom an hour ago?

1:23:16 Drew I did, I went and I talked to Dave, and I told you that's when you're supposed to play the song.

1:23:19 Adam All right, but now you go to the bathroom.

1:23:20 Drew No, I did, I did.

1:23:22 Adam No, go again.

1:23:22 Drew All right, let's go. You just want...

1:23:24 Adam I want to see, I want some penis time. Of A Down is here. Take a little break. Everlast will be in here tomorrow night, and we'll be back after this.

1:24:06 Drew The schools talk to each other. Good. But now I think you undo it by just giving one call to Kepler.

1:24:13 Caller Seriously.

1:24:15 Drew Just let him know you're in. And you know what? They'll pile it on top of the main show. That's when you'll get 20 of them.

1:24:21 Adam All right.

1:24:24 Drew You want me to make the call?

1:24:24 Adam Yes. No. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew over there. Of A Down is our guest tonight. Always good to see the guys. They're playing at the Palace coming up this Saturday, but you don't need to know about that because it's already sold out. And then you can look for a CD. It's a compilation CD. It's called Loud Rocks. And they're on it as well as a soundtrack from the new Blair Witch movie, Blair Witch 2, which is out now. And they'll be going back to work on the new follow-up CD pretty soon, right?

1:24:59 System Of A Down Tomorrow.

1:25:00 Adam Tomorrow. Myra? You're 19?

1:25:05 Caller Yeah.

1:25:05 Adam What's up?

1:25:07 System Of A Down Not much.

1:25:09 Caller I had a question about...

1:25:13 System Of A Down I had an ex-boyfriend. We had been sleeping for about two months. And, you know, he hadn't shown any kind of kinkiness or whatever. We just had straight, plain vanilla sex. And then, like, one night we were talking about fantasies and whatnot. And he told me that his deepest, darkest fantasy was to walk, you know, right before, in front of his partner, to basically crap his pants and not do...

1:25:44 Drew Excuse me, Marge, one second. I like the way... How do you say... How do you... I'm a little delicate about these issues.

1:25:49 Adam Yeah.

1:25:50 Drew Crap his pants.

1:25:53 System Of A Down I was just trying to think of a nice way...

1:25:57 Adam In front of his partner.

1:25:58 System Of A Down And not to play with her and do anything weird or gross with it.

1:26:01 Drew No, nothing weird. Nothing weird about this.

1:26:03 Adam We wouldn't assume that. No.

1:26:05 System Of A Down It's gross to begin with, but I mean...

1:26:07 Drew Did you watch him do this?

1:26:08 Caller I...

1:26:09 System Of A Down I tried once.

1:26:11 Drew And?

1:26:12 Adam Now, when he says crap in his pants, what are we talking? Is he wearing pants? Is he wearing underpants?

1:26:20 System Of A Down Slacks?

1:26:21 Caller Like...

1:26:22 System Of A Down Underwear like Tidy Whitey's.

1:26:24 Adam I see.

1:26:25 System Of A Down Bloodhuggers.

1:26:25 Adam And he's gonna excrude this into the Tidy Whitey's. And where are you gonna be?

1:26:33 System Of A Down Um, in front of him. This only happened once, and after that, I was like, no.

1:26:38 Adam Right.

1:26:39 System Of A Down So wait, he just crapped in his pants? Did you have sex with him with the crap in his pants, or did... He was throwing him in the shower.

1:26:44 System Of A Down The plan was something sort of...

1:26:46 Caller It wasn't like we were gonna have sex.

1:26:48 System Of A Down It was just, he wanted somebody to watch him while he did it, and then he wanted to jack off afterwards.

1:26:54 Adam He wanted to jack off afterward?

1:26:56 System Of A Down Yeah, and just have somebody watch him do it.

1:26:58 Drew That's quite a good sport.

1:26:58 System Of A Down It was pretty boring, but it was pretty gross, too.

1:27:02 Adam He gave that maid a big tip come Monday.

1:27:04 System Of A Down Didn't you find this to be kind of strange?

1:27:07 System Of A Down Yes, I did. That's why the relationship didn't last much longer.

1:27:12 Adam It didn't last, huh? Yeah, he said, screw it, you know, go back to France.

1:27:15 System Of A Down This is all over the place.

1:27:20 Adam You told about your fantasy, which was dating a sane man. This fantasy that would make love with a guy who was sane.

1:27:29 Drew What was the guy like otherwise?

1:27:30 System Of A Down Quick, don't touch me. What now?

1:27:31 Drew What was he like otherwise?

1:27:32 System Of A Down I'm just curious. Otherwise, he was just, he was kind of intellectual, kind of like stuck in his head all the time. He wasn't a gross person, if that's what you mean, but.

1:27:43 Adam I see. All right. But it's nice you to go along with it.

1:27:47 Drew Quite a sport.

1:27:47 System Of A Down I was willing to try, but I was just like, it's not going to work. It was just.

1:27:52 Drew A lot of fortitude too, that shouldn't freak out. Just like, no, not for me.

1:27:56 System Of A Down You didn't throw up for me?

1:27:58 System Of A Down No, I just I try to not hurt his feelings and just said, you know what? No.

1:28:04 Caller So he went and cleaned up after.

1:28:05 Adam And by the way, what for? You know, did he really think that was something you're going to be into? Well, like a fine guy cramps his pants before lovemaking. Finally.

1:28:16 Drew I give the guy credit for being open about it.

1:28:19 System Of A Down Yeah. Yeah. Just like your old dad.

1:28:23 System Of A Down I can imagine the wedding. I can imagine the song.

1:28:25 System Of A Down Yeah. What do you put on the cake?

1:28:26 System Of A Down Can I take a crap before I say yes?

1:28:28 Drew What do you put on the cake?

1:28:29 System Of A Down Ike. Mr. Hankey, the Christmas tree is on the cake.

1:28:33 System Of A Down I poo.

1:28:35 Caller I poo.

1:28:36 System Of A Down Confessions of a poo.

1:28:37 Drew All right. So what's the question?

1:28:39 System Of A Down Oh, I don't know.

1:28:41 Adam What's the question, Myra?

1:28:43 System Of A Down Okay.

1:28:43 Caller The question was, How can I find another man that does this?

1:28:49 System Of A Down I was wondering if this fetish of his, if it could have come from, he told me a lot about what happened to him as a child. As far as I know, there was no sexual abuse.

1:29:01 Drew What was there?

1:29:02 System Of A Down It was extreme mental abuse from his father, who was like a...

1:29:07 Adam Plumber?

1:29:08 System Of A Down Huh?

1:29:08 Adam No.

1:29:08 Drew Was like what?

1:29:09 Caller No, he was a plumber.

1:29:10 System Of A Down He was a brain surgeon. And he wanted his son, you know, to be just like him and get great grades and whatnot.

1:29:19 Adam You see what happens when he asks things to your children? They go nuts on him. They end up crapping on themselves.

1:29:25 System Of A Down Did his dad crap in his pants?

1:29:27 System Of A Down What now?

1:29:27 Adam No, yeah, it comes from a long line. And his grandfather before him, his grandfather came to this country. He wanted to come to a country where he's free to crap in his pants without persecution.

1:29:38 System Of A Down Do you understand?

1:29:39 System Of A Down Free. Keep the plot so that you can do this.

1:29:42 Caller All right.

1:29:43 Adam Oh, geez. I don't know. You know, it's great, though. There's so many different ways to screw up your kids. It's great. You know, you can be some drunken hillbilly that just gooses them and violates them with a whiskey bottle, or you can be a brain surgeon. And that screws them up almost as badly with your own brand of abuse.

1:30:01 System Of A Down You know, it's how the conventional abuse.

1:30:03 Adam Yeah, it's great. It crosses all economic boundaries. That's what I enjoy about screwing kids up. I'm going to try to invent a new way to screw my kid up. I haven't figured it out.

1:30:13 Drew Oh, yeah. I'm sure you'll come up.

1:30:14 Adam I got to have some kids. I'm really going to plan it out. All right. Of A Down is here. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back. Yeah, that is it.

1:30:50 Caller I love coming here.

1:30:51 Adam I want to thank Of A Down for coming in and hanging out tonight.

1:30:55 Caller Woo!

1:30:56 Adam Everlast will be in here tomorrow.

1:30:59 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, October 29, 2000