Episode 1000754887596

1:09 All right, so again, Roswell, nine o'clock, WWWB Wednesday night, tomorrow night. And if you're this side of the Mississippi, that's right, in listening to this show. And of course, you can then watch the Man Show after that at 1030. All right, Drew, where the hell are we here? Elise? Elise? Is that how you spell Elise?

1:37 Adam All right, so again, Roswell, 9 o'clock, www.b Wednesday night, tomorrow night.

1:43 Drew And if you're this side of the Mississippi.

1:45 Adam That's right. In listening to this show. And of course, you can then watch The Man Show after that at 1030. All right, Drew, where the hell are we here? Elise.

1:56 Drew Elise.

1:57 Adam Is that how you spell Elise? Like fur Elise.

2:01 Drew It's like Elise-ay.

4:34 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

4:37 Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

4:41 Listener discretion is advised.

4:42 Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew. I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

4:47 Loveline.

4:49 Adam Hey, yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, artifacts number 310-8-54-44-55. Dr. Drew, isn't this supposed to be soft or something? Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. There we go. Tonight, our guest is from the hit TV show on the W-W-W-WB Roswell. Majandra, now is it Delfino? Yes. Yes. She is Maria. And of course, we just learned because we're huge fans of the show.

5:26 Drew We learned four seconds ago.

5:27 Adam We learned four seconds ago that our ex-co-art over at Loveline, Diane Farr, plays the role of mommy to young Majandra. And we would watch the show except for we leave to come do this show. Sure. No, we would.

5:44 Drew And we never watch TV.

5:45 Adam No, I have a long list of shows I would watch if I was home.

5:48 Drew Yeah, me too.

5:49 Adam Really?

5:49 Drew Yeah, we're never home.

5:50 Adam Yeah, Roswell's on that list. Which shows?

5:52 Majandra Delfino Roswell is one and...

5:53 Adam Roswell and...

5:54 Majandra Delfino Buffy.

5:55 Adam No, no, not Buffy.

5:57 Drew Will and Grace.

5:59 Adam No, until one of them comes on the show. No.

6:02 Drew We had The Neighbor, the one we had.

6:04 Adam Oh, yeah, that's on the list. Now, I don't know how to work the VCR. I'm never, ever home. And I just, I can't do it. I can't bring myself to do it. And part of the fun, most of the fun of me watching TV is that sort of unexpected serendipity when I run into an old A-Team rerun or Duke's a Hazzard or something. I like to scan around and sort of surprise myself. I don't like to put in tapes and know what I'm getting.

6:28 Majandra Delfino Oh, yeah. No, I know what you mean. I'm not a big tape person.

6:31 Adam No, I would if I knew how to do it.

6:33 Majandra Delfino You could get one of those new things, you know, that like tape it for you while you're gone. What is that? I don't understand. Yeah.

6:38 Drew Tivo?

6:38 Majandra Delfino Tivo, yes.

6:39 Adam There's nothing new enough. There's nothing simple enough.

6:41 Drew No, no, no.

6:42 Majandra Delfino It just sounds like the same thing.

6:44 Drew This is it. Here's the deal. You're watching TV and you want to see the rest of the show, you just push a button, it'll pick up right where we left off.

6:52 Adam Well, I may go for that, but I'm still old-fashioned. I mean, if I want to just hire a day laborer and have him stand by my VCR and actually hold the button down while I'm out of the house.

7:02 Drew Now you've got your assistants.

7:03 Adam Leave a little bucket of water for Oswaldo there. Oh yeah. That's my boy.

7:08 Drew Is that your assistant?

7:09 Adam Yeah, Oswaldo. We have a little communication language.

7:12 Drew You have different assistants.

7:13 Adam I got a new one, Oswaldo.

7:15 Drew You have a guy that does your house. He's your house boy.

7:18 Adam Well, he works on my house.

7:19 Drew Yeah, but then you have an assistant at work.

7:21 Adam Oh yeah, I got a new assistant at work. Yeah. Call him son. He calls me dad. It's great.

7:26 Drew Call him Oswaldo too.

7:28 Adam All right. So let's talk about our lovely guest tonight. You sing. What are you Cuban?

7:35 Majandra Delfino Yeah, Cuban Venezuelan.

7:38 Adam That's very nice. What do you think about this whole situation with the kid who came over on a log?

7:44 Majandra Delfino Did he come over on a log?

7:45 Adam I don't know.

7:46 Drew He was clutching to something.

7:47 Adam He was clinging to something.

7:48 Majandra Delfino I don't know. I mean, I think that the father-

7:49 Drew People, by the way, missed that part. That story has been lost.

7:52 Majandra Delfino Really? That he was clutching onto something?

7:53 Drew They were in a boat escaping and the mom got killed.

7:56 Majandra Delfino Everybody got killed. Except for him. It's like kind of, I don't know. It's just like, doesn't make sense that the kid would go back, you know, sort of situation. And the other thing that people don't think of is like, the kind of pressure Castro is probably putting on the father to make a point, you know, that the kid goes back. So nobody really takes that into account.

8:15 Drew Dad was like a strange dad, like no relationship with him.

8:18 Adam Oh, he loved him though.

8:20 Majandra Delfino Yeah, but he was probably okay with them leaving.

8:21 Adam Hey, you know what's beautiful about being me and what's liberating about me and me? Don't care, don't care, don't care. Got a seven-year-old Cuban kid hanging out somewhere in Florida.

8:31 Majandra Delfino Well, you can't, you just can't live your life.

8:33 Adam Just could give a rat's ass whether he goes back to Cuba or goes back on a dinghy and just floats out.

8:38 Majandra Delfino You brought this up though.

8:39 Adam Yeah. But you have some Cuban blood. I thought maybe you may have had a stronger opinion than me.

8:46 Drew I care too much, he cares too little.

8:47 Adam No, I mean, whether he ends up in the United States or in Cuba, no difference to me. If he goes back to Cuba, his grandparents will raise him or his dad will raise him, he'll be fine.

8:57 Drew Waldo will still come to work in the morning.

8:58 Adam He'll get some crappy job somewhere. He stays out here.

9:01 Majandra Delfino He'll record your shows.

9:02 Adam He'll stay out here, he'll get some crappy job out here. Doesn't really matter, does it?

9:07 Majandra Delfino Is he here? He was in Miami, right?

9:08 Adam Oh, who cares? All right, I say we just compromise with sending him to Mexico and just call it a day. That's my plan. All right, so again, Roswell, 9 o'clock, WWWB, Wednesday night, tomorrow night.

9:22 Drew If you're this side of the Mississippi.

9:24 Adam That's right, in listening to this show. Of course, you can then watch The Man Show after that at 10.30. All right, Drew, where the hell are we here?

9:34 Drew Elise?

9:35 Adam Is that how you spell Elise?

9:38 Majandra Delfino Like fur Elise?

9:39 Drew It's like Elise A.

9:41 Adam Hey, caller who's 18, who dates a 34-year-old guy for three years?

9:46 Drew Going by Elise.

9:48 Adam Did she hang up?

9:48 Drew That's it.

9:50 Adam All right. And listen, do you think that's Elise? Is that how you spell Elise?

9:53 Drew Yeah, like shh.

9:54 Adam It is?

9:55 Yeah.

9:56 Adam All right.

9:57 Drew One of the spellings, yeah.

9:58 Adam Okay, listen, here's what I want to say to Daniel, our phone screenist. Never listen to how they spell their name. However it's pronounced, there it is. I'm tired of everyone throwing spelling of their name. And maybe I'm wrong here, but I'm still pissed off anyway. Peace? You know what I mean? Drew and I travel, we go to these colleges, we sign autographs, and there's 35 different ways to spell Linda.

10:23 Drew Yes.

10:23 Majandra Delfino No, I know.

10:24 Adam And it drives me insane.

10:25 Majandra Delfino As a Mahondra, it's, you know.

10:26 Adam Yeah, but that's Mahondra.

10:28 Majandra Delfino Right, right.

10:28 Adam I mean, your parents grabbed this, you know, a Yahtzee shaker and it's a part of a Scrabble board and threw it at something. And that's what they came up with. Fine, you can do that. I mean, I have no problem with that. I don't like it when people start spelling names that I think I know how to spell their own way.

10:45 Majandra Delfino Well, that's what I'm saying. You'd think it was with an H, you know what I'm saying?

10:49 Adam No, that's not an established name, at least not in these parts.

10:53 Drew Amy was the one that drove us crazy.

10:54 Majandra Delfino Like A-M-I or A-M-E-E.

10:56 Drew Or how about A-I-M-E-E or A-M-E-E. I kill those bitches.

11:00 Adam They drive me nuts.

11:01 Majandra Delfino Makes them different.

11:02 Adam Peace? Oh, yes. They'll be the most different person working at the Arby's for the next 30 years. They're really going to carve an itch when people see that name tag on them. Peace.

11:13 Peace, yeah.

11:14 Adam Yeah. What do you want?

11:15 Okay. I just had a threesome with these two guys. And the other one was giving me an anal sex, right? And so afterwards, I noticed it started to bleed. And now it's itching and it's really hurting. It's irritating.

11:32 Drew We have to dissect this one.

11:34 Adam First off, perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

11:37 Drew I mean, this is it's just I can't quite. I think it's real, but I can't quite.

11:41 Adam It sounds a little bizarre.

11:43 Drew My brain won't.

11:44 Adam Hey, Peace. Yes. Did you actually do this with two guys? You had anal sex with one of them and conventional sex with the other?

11:52 No.

11:53 Drew How old were these guys?

11:55 One is 17. One is 18.

11:57 Drew Why did you do this?

12:00 Why?

12:00 Adam Why not? Okay. Well, what happened? Do you know these guys?

12:05 Yeah, I know one of them.

12:06 Adam Which one?

12:07 My boyfriend.

12:08 Majandra Delfino Which one? What did he do?

12:12 He didn't do anything to me. I just gave him a bullet job.

12:16 Adam Your boyfriend?

12:17 Yeah.

12:17 Adam What about the anal sex part?

12:20 That was his best friend.

12:21 Adam Wow.

12:22 Majandra Delfino Who he didn't know?

12:24 No, I didn't know him.

12:25 Adam Why didn't you know his best friend?

12:27 Because I've never met him.

12:29 Drew And you didn't wear a condom?

12:29 Adam Hold on.

12:30 Drew Let me write that down.

12:31 Majandra Delfino If you don't meet your boyfriend's best friends, you are not his girlfriend.

12:36 Yeah.

12:36 Adam How do you, as somebody's girlfriend, how do you not know their best friend?

12:40 Majandra Delfino Grace Rock, my friend.

12:41 Because he doesn't live here.

12:42 Adam Okay.

12:43 All right.

12:44 Adam And it didn't upset your boyfriend that his buddy was sodomizing you in front of him?

12:49 No, it was his idea.

12:51 Adam I see.

12:52 Yeah.

12:52 Why?

12:53 Adam This is a hell of a guy. And why did you participate in this?

12:59 Because, I don't know, it sounded like something interesting.

13:03 Adam Okay. You're ready to experiment. All right, hold on a second there, Peace. I'm ready to gamble.

13:09 Drew Oh, sure.

13:09 Adam You want to gamble?

13:10 Drew That's a layup.

13:11 Adam Majandra?

13:12 Majandra Delfino How do we gamble?

13:12 Adam You have any money?

13:13 Majandra Delfino Am I of age?

13:14 I mean...

13:15 Adam I hope so, because we got plans after the show.

13:17 Drew She's as good as her namesake, though, except they should have spelled it a little differently here.

13:21 Adam Peace? Yeah. And middle name of? Last name Ass.

13:24 Drew Or Work.

13:25 Majandra Delfino What is this gambling thing?

13:27 Adam Just get the money out.

13:28 Majandra Delfino I don't have money.

13:29 Adam Listen, that WB, I knew it. You don't have a dollar?

13:33 Majandra Delfino I think I have a receipt from Ralph's. I mean, I have nothing in my pocket. But it will stand. It will be a little IOU.

13:38 Adam Honey, you don't leave the house? What if you have to make a phone call?

13:41 Majandra Delfino It's in the other room.

13:42 Adam Oh, well. All right. All right.

13:43 Majandra Delfino This is my IOU.

13:44 Adam That Ralph's receipt will be redeemable for a dollar, which is in the next room. Let's see what you bought here.

13:52 Majandra Delfino Like, so much stuff.

13:54 Adam $643 on bacon. That's all she bought.

13:58 Majandra Delfino I went camping.

13:59 Adam Homo milk? What the hell?

14:01 Drew But she's planning to get little marshmallows, graham crackers.

14:04 Were you stoned?

14:05 Adam How stoned were you?

14:08 She's a piggy piggy.

14:11 Adam Macaroni dinner. Macaroni dinner. How many? What did you take? Old scout troop camping?

14:17 Majandra Delfino Kind of.

14:19 Adam Gerb banana.

14:21 Majandra Delfino That's Gerber baby food.

14:22 Adam Gerber baby food. What are you doing with Gerber baby food?

14:24 Majandra Delfino It's really good. It's just pure banana.

14:27 Adam That is pot. How much weed did you smoke around that campfire? When you're eating baby food, you were baked. You have to be. You were stoned when you went shopping. Please, I know I was stoned shopping.

14:38 Majandra Delfino That would explain the Seventeen magazine purchase.

14:41 Gerber.

14:42 Adam Man, you got a toolbox light. Eighty-three bucks for a camping trip. You could have stayed in a hotel for that kind of money. Cereal. How long were you gone? For six weeks?

14:53 Majandra Delfino Two days.

14:53 Adam Was this some kind of outward bound program? This is ridiculous.

14:57 Majandra Delfino I was gone for two days.

14:59 Adam Wow.

14:59 Majandra Delfino Ice.

14:59 Where did you go?

15:01 Majandra Delfino Big Bear.

15:02 Drew Big Bear.

15:02 Adam Wow.

15:03 Majandra Delfino It ended up as a disaster. There was carbon monoxide leaking in the cabin.

15:08 Drew Oh my God. Yeah.

15:09 Adam Kellogg's Fun Pack. Seriously, how many people did you go with?

15:12 Majandra Delfino I went. Well, when I was shopping, I was shopping for me and two other people.

15:16 Adam Yeah. So I must have been stoned too because it's just a ton of junk baby food. Wow. We got to look into that. All right. We're going to gamble on peace. You ready? Shall I go first?

15:28 Drew Let's see what's in this one.

15:29 Majandra Delfino What is this? All right. I'm just going to go along with this, whatever.

15:31 Adam Okay. We gamble. Here's how it goes. We gamble on her past. What brought her to these two men and to participate in this threesome? We suspect some trouble in the past. Upbringing-wise. Yeah. Yeah.

15:46 Caller Yeah.

15:47 Adam I don't know how much we can get out of her. I got alcohol, dad, let's see, doesn't know dad. No, alcoholic dad. Alcoholic dad, she doesn't know.

15:57 Majandra Delfino Yeah, totally.

15:58 Adam She knew him for a while. Wait, you can't agree with mine. This is my gamble. Oh, you want alcoholic dad?

16:03 Majandra Delfino No, no, no. You take the alcoholic dad. I have a feeling I have a better one.

16:06 Adam Okay. I'm going alcohol dad. I'm going physical abuse.

16:10 All right.

16:11 Adam From alcoholic dad.

16:11 All right.

16:13 Adam Go ahead.

16:15 Majandra Delfino I'd have to say negligent father, but does know him and maybe child molested as a child.

16:26 Adam Who did the molest?

16:27 Majandra Delfino I don't know who did it. God. The psychic thing. It's hard for me.

16:32 Adam Dad, grandpa, someone in the family, neighbor, perhaps.

16:36 Drew Packet of paratroopers.

16:37 Majandra Delfino I'm seeing dentures. I would say probably like...

16:43 Drew Adam.

16:43 Adam Okay. Let's not get caught up on this.

16:45 Majandra Delfino Yeah.

16:45 Drew Silly putty.

16:46 Majandra Delfino Just some...

16:47 Adam Silly putty?

16:48 Drew It says putty.

16:49 Adam My God. Listen, I'm going with it.

16:51 Majandra Delfino I like to copy the newspaper.

16:53 Adam I'm going around. I'm telling you, I would arrest you immediately on drug charges.

16:58 Drew That is a great way to learn about people.

17:00 Majandra Delfino I know. It really is.

17:01 Drew It does make them produce their latest receipt for the supermarket.

17:04 Majandra Delfino At least I didn't get anything embarrassing as long as I...

17:06 Drew Silly putty and girl with baby food isn't that embarrassing?

17:09 Majandra Delfino I don't think so. I'm very proud.

17:10 I stand behind my purchases.

17:12 Adam You didn't see the case of Massengale Medicated? Oh, jeez.

17:15 Drew I was looking for stuff like that. That's disgusting. She redeemed a couple of bottles in here, too.

17:20 Adam Go ahead. She brought some old ones back.

17:23 Majandra Delfino Recycle.

17:25 Adam Seriously, how much weed do you smoke?

17:26 Majandra Delfino Oh, please.

17:27 Adam All right. Go ahead, Drew.

17:29 Drew Oh, it's just trifecta, a total wipeout. Addict parents, left, like orphaned, just a mess.

17:35 Adam All right. The big, big everything?

17:36 Drew Everything.

17:37 Adam All right.

17:37 Drew Rock soup? Probably, age six, old hell broke loose, sexual abuse, everything.

17:43 Adam All right. Peace? All right. Let's talk about your past for a second. Because I got a Ralph's receipt here of them dying to cash in for a dollar.

17:51 Drew You didn't redeem the sour cream. You forgot to.

17:53 Majandra Delfino I know they give it to me after.

17:54 Caller All right.

17:55 Adam Hey, Drew, could we do the goddamn show, please?

17:58 Caller Peace?

17:58 Caller Uh-huh.

17:59 Adam What happened?

18:01 Caller Nothing happened.

18:01 Adam Nothing? Okay. Well, we're all wrong. Where are your parents?

18:06 Caller My mom's here.

18:07 Adam Where's your dad?

18:09 Caller He's dead.

18:10 Adam Your dad's dead?

18:11 Caller Yeah.

18:11 Adam When did he die? How old were you?

18:14 Caller Seven.

18:15 Adam Seven. What kind of guy was he before he died?

18:20 Caller Like a hippie.

18:21 Adam Hippie. Yeah. Did he die on a motorcycle?

18:25 Caller No, not on a motorcycle.

18:28 Adam Somebody killed him?

18:29 Caller Yeah.

18:30 Drew A drug deal?

18:31 Caller Huh?

18:31 Drew A drug deal?

18:32 Caller No.

18:32 Adam What happened?

18:34 Caller I don't know the whole story. Like, my mom didn't tell me, really.

18:38 Adam Well, how do you know someone killed him?

18:39 Caller She told me.

18:40 Adam Said somebody killed him, but that's about all I'm going to tell you.

18:43 Caller Yeah, that's all she said. Like, she doesn't talk about it.

18:46 Adam But he wasn't working at a supermarket when somebody came in and shot him.

18:50 Caller No, he wasn't.

18:51 Adam No. And was he an alcoholic, do you know?

18:56 Drew Listen, of course. Please. This was a drug deal, go bad.

19:00 Adam Okay. And what about your mom? Now, did he ever touch you or anything like that before?

19:04 Caller No, no, no.

19:05 Drew Any of his hippie friends?

19:07 Caller Yeah. No, not his friends, but his kids.

19:10 Drew His kids abused you. Okay. How old were you when that happened?

19:15 Caller Like, four.

19:16 Drew Started when you were four? Mom, what's her deal?

19:20 Caller Nothing. She says, I don't know, she's detached from me.

19:23 Drew She doesn't smoke a little pot?

19:25 Caller No.

19:26 Drew She's not an addict herself? Alcoholic?

19:28 Caller No, she's like a real Catholic person.

19:30 Drew Was she at a time in her life, was she using drugs and alcohol?

19:33 Caller No, she never.

19:34 Adam Really?

19:34 Drew Kind of unusual for her to be involved with, yeah.

19:37 Adam Very pious, religious person to get hooked up with a hippie and his biker buddies who molest you. You sure she didn't do a little swinging in her day?

19:47 Caller I'm sure, I'm sure.

19:48 Adam Okay, so she probably did do whatever it is he did before she found Jesus Christ and cleaned her act up, right?

19:54 Drew When you say she's detached, what does that mean?

19:57 Caller She's just, I don't know, she doesn't like to talk to me or anything.

20:01 Drew What does she do for a living?

20:03 Caller She's a doctor.

20:05 Adam She's a doctor?

20:06 Caller Yeah.

20:07 Drew What field?

20:08 Caller In medicine.

20:09 Drew General medicine?

20:10 Caller Yeah.

20:11 Drew That is so interesting.

20:12 Really?

20:13 Drew Yeah. In the wild?

20:14 Adam What?

20:15 Caller But like for like a county hospital, those cheap hospitals.

20:18 Drew Yeah.

20:18 Adam Is she a doctor?

20:20 Caller Well, not really a doctor, like a nurse assistant.

20:23 Adam Now we're getting to it. All right. Now it's making, now I see, it wasn't, had a little red flag there with the doctor.

20:29 Drew Yeah. Yeah, me too.

20:29 Adam You know, I hate doctors, but even so, it wasn't making sense with the hippie guy and his screwball friends and all that kind of stuff.

20:36 Drew She wouldn't be able to screw around with all that.

20:38 Adam All right. So she's a nurse, a nurse's assistant.

20:41 Caller A nurse's assistant, yeah.

20:43 Adam Listen, Peace, I know you're not completely familiar with how the hospital works, but everyone who's inside the hospital is not a doctor. There's people who answer the phones and empty garbage and stuff.

20:54 Caller Yeah, I know.

20:55 Adam Okay. So Peace, listen, you've had a horrible childhood.

20:58 Caller No, it's not.

20:59 Caller No.

21:00 Drew You were sexually abused by your step-siblings. Your dad was a drug addict who was murdered. Your mom is detached and abandoning. It doesn't get much worse than that, Peace. Of course, you get abused by these jerks who use you as some sort of receptacle. Now, you've got itching, whatever, God knows what. It could be herpes easily. You don't know this guy. Did he wear a condom? No. Okay. It could be anything. It could be anything. Any sexual transmitted disease you can imagine, and there's actually no more efficient way to contract a sexually transmitted disease than what you've done.

21:34 Adam Oh, boy. All right, so listen.

21:35 Drew According to all the viral diseases, hepatitis C and HIV included. Peace.

21:38 Adam You got to go-

21:39 Majandra Delfino Yeah, she's got an in on the medicine.

21:40 Adam You got to get yourself checked out. You understand?

21:43 Caller Well, can I just take some medicine?

21:44 Drew No, you have to get evaluated.

21:47 Adam Listen, Peace, you cannot keep acting out. You're just going to get killed, you're pregnant, or worse. I'm not sure what that is. I guess you get killed and go to hell or something. But you're really going to destroy your life. You're going to act out, you're going to act out like a mad woman for like five, 10 years and then you're going to look back on it and regret the hell out of everything. Just please-

22:08 Majandra Delfino Avoid that.

22:09 Adam Please stop acting out. I don't know, you have to get into some recovery, you got to get into some groups, you got to get into therapy. Listen, Peace, I'm telling you what's going to happen to you. Okay? But this is normal. No, it's not. No, it's not. See? What are you going to do? Alright, you know the beauty of me? Don't bring the prompts home. Yell at people, feel sorry for them, and it's right on to the next call. I don't know what the hell to do. Tim, wait a minute, who wins the money there? I think Drew kind of had the grand slam there with sexual abuse.

22:43 Drew I picked age six. I don't miss age six.

22:45 Adam The drug thing wasn't really-

22:46 Majandra Delfino I said child molestation.

22:47 Drew Alright, you can have this back.

22:48 Adam You get the receipt back. The drug thing wasn't substantiated, but we're assuming dad was snuffed. Mom's not going to say why, and we're guessing some kind of deal gone bad.

22:59 Majandra Delfino Maybe he's still alive.

23:00 Adam I hope not. I truly do. Tim? Yeah. By the way, when I hear about guys like that getting snuffed, you know what I think? Who cares? I really, who cares? Don't care for a second, Tim.

23:12 Drew You don't care about anything though, Adam.

23:13 Majandra Delfino I know. It's like a religion of some sort.

23:15 Adam Don't care when scumbags get rubbed out. Just don't care.

23:19 Drew Tim? Yeah. What's going on?

23:21 Adam Don't care about little kids from Cuba come over and intertube. Just don't care.

23:25 Drew You care about the people who went down on the plane the other day?

23:27 Majandra Delfino Yeah.

23:27 Adam I like them.

23:28 Majandra Delfino Why?

23:28 Drew Because he flies a bunch.

23:30 Adam Americans.

23:31 Caller Tim? Yeah.

23:32 Adam You're 15. What's up?

23:34 Caller First, I want to say hi and you guys are both really cool. But this question is for Dr. Drew. Yeah. This didn't happen to me, but all of a sudden, I was curious about this today. When your penis is erected, can it be broken like a regular bone?

23:49 Adam Yes. A bone is inserted into the penis each and every time it becomes erect.

23:54 Drew There's no bone in there, old Tim.

23:57 Majandra Delfino Just a lot of blood.

23:58 Drew Yeah. Just a bunch of blood. Blood sort of like filling a water balloon. No bone.

24:03 Caller Could you snap it in half or something?

24:04 Drew You can rip it.

24:07 Adam Don't do that.

24:08 Drew Yeah. That's a little troublesome.

24:08 Adam It hurts me.

24:09 Drew You can crack it like Adam does.

24:11 Adam Yeah.

24:13 Drew Like every morning?

24:14 Yeah. I do.

24:14 Adam I can crack my penis like a whip. Here. Light a cigarette. Let me show you. Let me show you what I can do with it. No, it cracks.

24:21 Drew I'm not following you.

24:22 Adam It cracks. Actually, I haven't done it in like a good eight years.

24:27 Drew You've been talking about a TV for three.

24:28 Adam I still think I might be able to do it. I'm going to try it tomorrow morning. You can push down on it. If it's erect, then it'll crack on you. It's a little like a knuckle.

24:37 Drew There's a ligament there that will do that. And as far as the two cavernous bodies that swell up, yeah, their sheaths will tear and can rip and be a mess.

24:47 Caller All right.

24:47 Adam Just don't monkey. That's my point.

24:50 Caller Tim?

24:51 Drew Yeah.

24:51 Caller All right.

24:52 Adam You satisfied with that?

24:54 Caller Yeah. I want to try it.

24:55 Caller Okay.

24:55 Adam Thank you. All right. Let me speak to Carrie.

24:59 Drew Yes.

25:00 Adam Drew?

25:01 Drew What's going on here? There's a reason I didn't put a number down. I usually have a good reason for that.

25:05 Adam Really?

25:06 Drew Go ahead, Carrie.

25:06 Adam Why? Because they're all crappy calls? Okay. Carrie?

25:09 Yes.

25:10 Adam You're 23.

25:11 Caller Yes. I've been dating my boyfriend for about two years, and the sex was great at first. And now that we've become more serious, probably the last year or so, he's just not interested at all.

25:24 Adam All right. Hold on a second. You're right. It's a horrible call. Let me talk to Tina for a second here.

25:29 Drew Tina's going to be good. But she's good.

25:31 Adam Oh, she's still printing up there? All right. Well, let me just see if I can get her here. Tina?

25:36 Caller Hello?

25:36 Adam Tina, you're 22.

25:38 Caller Yeah.

25:39 Adam You sleepwalk when you're drunk?

25:41 Caller I sleepwalk when I'm drunk.

25:43 Adam And you urinate in the bed and on the floor?

25:45 Caller On the floor.

25:46 Adam And in a garbage can?

25:48 Caller Yeah. I've gone in the garbage can. I've gone on chairs that were at the kitchen table, and I don't remember any of that.

25:54 Drew Kitchen table?

25:55 Adam You pee on the kitchen table?

25:56 Caller No, on the chairs to the kitchen table.

25:59 Adam Okay. Well, that's healthy. That's fine. I thought you said it was on the table. All right. Hang on a second there, Tina.

26:05 Caller Okay.

26:05 Adam All right. Any other weird stuff happened to you when you're drunk?

26:09 Caller No. No, that's-

26:10 Drew We'll find out. No, no, no, no. I bet there's some stuff going on.

26:13 Adam That's good, T. That's good radio there. All right. Hang on there, Tina. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Majandra Delfino is here from Roswell, WB, Wednesday nights, nine o'clock, and we'll be back with Tina after this.

26:58 Caller Did you guys do this every night?

27:00 Adam Oh, yes. Seems like it, at least. Majandra Delfino is our guest tonight. She's on Roswell, 9 o'clock, Wednesday nights on the wwwwb. And you watch a man show after that, 10.30, Comedy Central. Where the hell was we now, Drew? We're talking to Tina. There you go. Tina's 22. She gets drunk. She sleepwalks and then begins urinating everywhere, like a dog at the park. I like when dogs do that. Oh, wait, here's another place. Pissle there. A little piss over there. I can't say that. Oh, hey, listen. Hey Anderson, don't block piss out. Just, I swear to Christ, tell someone to talk to me about piss.

27:44 Drew You know what? They were talking to him about it.

27:46 Adam Tell them to talk to me. I can't believe that piss is a word we can't say on a goddamn radio. I can't believe it.

27:53 Drew You can say goddamn.

27:55 Majandra Delfino Peepee.

27:55 You can say pissed off all you want, just not the other way.

27:57 Drew We can't say pissed off? I thought we weren't supposed to say that even.

28:00 Majandra Delfino So why don't you say she pissed everywhere?

28:01 Adam Hey, listen. I got to tell you something.

28:02 Drew Peepee, you can say it.

28:03 Adam Four years ago, I was saying goddamn and they were telling me not to say that. You know what? I'm goddamn right.

28:08 Drew Remember the list we had from MTV, but we can't say what we could say, was that it?

28:12 Adam Oh, who cares?

28:15 Drew But the list of what we could say was stuff we would never say, just awful, degrading things.

28:21 Majandra Delfino Yeah, I can imagine.

28:21 Drew But you can't say Hitler.

28:23 Adam Oh, there's no science to it. There's no science to it at all.

28:27 Majandra Delfino Can you still not say Hitler?

28:29 Adam No, of course you can say Hitler. That was just one of our screwball producers who didn't want me to say Hitler. Anyway, Drew, I'm already in a mood tonight. Let's not die. I had a big argument with Comedy Central today about fudge packing. And oh, we get these great arguments, great arguments.

28:48 Drew I like the panties and the underwear. What was it?

28:51 Adam You see, on the other show that I do, we have to argue with Comedy Central about what we can do. But we always get down to South Park having talking poop. And that's our big argument. But that doesn't fly over there. We got a big argument over fudge packing. And we got another big argument over rent a queer, which is an idea we're working on, which I don't think is as offensive as they do. But it always gets bizarre when a bunch of adults are sitting around arguing over fudge packing. And by now I'm yelling, she is actually packing a suitcase. That's why it's OK to say pack the fudge, because the suitcase is open. Well, will we show fudge? No. Well, unless you show fudge, we can't talk about packing the fudge.

29:36 What about the suitcase?

29:39 Adam Retarded arguments. Adults, all adults making hundreds of thousands a year start yelling about packing fudge. All right. Tina?

29:47 Caller Yeah.

29:47 Adam So you urinate everywhere?

29:50 Caller Yeah. OK.

29:52 Adam Only when you're drunk.

29:53 Caller Right.

29:54 Drew Well, Tina, blackouts, which is what you're describing, where people are going around about their business, usually behaving in a normal fashion, at least as far as the external eye would be concerned. But in your case, you get involved in some weird stuff here.

30:06 Caller The thing is, I have enough energy. I pull my pants down. I just don't have enough sense to walk into the bathroom.

30:13 Drew No, no, no. You think you're in the bathroom.

30:15 Caller Oh.

30:15 Drew You see a chair and that's a toilet.

30:18 Caller Okay. But what about when I'm in bed and it happens?

30:21 Majandra Delfino That makes more sense to me.

30:22 Drew Well, the point being, when you're blacked out, you misinterpret all sorts of sensory stimuli and God knows what can happen. In the bed, it may be more of an anesthesia state you're in and you just lose your bladder control. When you're up and about, you may just be confused in a blackout. But the point being here is that this syndrome, which we've heard about a fair amount of this show.

30:40 Adam Only through men though.

30:42 Drew Yeah, men so far.

30:43 Adam It's nice and refreshing to have a woman who gets around and urinates in different places.

30:48 Drew It's liberating. Yeah. I think in fact, I remember telling you about a friend of mine in college who, we had a thing called a turntable in those days, which he had a dust cover on.

30:57 Adam Right.

30:57 Drew He'd lift the dust cover and urinate on the turntable.

31:00 Adam Right. He thought he was taking one into the toilet.

31:02 Drew Right. And alcoholics do this. And so this is a sign that you're dealing with the disease of alcoholism. It may not be in its full-blown state yet. It may be in merely incipient states, but it is something that you need to be very, very aware of. And if you have a family history of alcoholism, it may be a sign that it's time to do something about it.

31:18 Adam Mike?

31:18 Yeah?

31:19 Adam You're 16.

31:19 Caller What's up? I have this girlfriend. She's 20 years old. Well, first off, I think I want to make it easier on you if maybe I should just tell you the whole story about it, like from the beginning.

31:37 Drew Huh?

31:37 Adam She's 28 years old?

31:39 Caller 20.

31:40 Adam Oh, 20.

31:41 Drew What is your question for us, exactly?

31:42 Adam We don't necessarily need a whole story.

31:44 Caller All right. Well, she does drugs and she's pregnant. Me and her has gotten high, but when we're high, I saw her walk over and do a line of cocaine, and she's been doing that for quite some time.

32:01 Drew While she's pregnant.

32:02 Majandra Delfino And what were you high on?

32:03 Caller I was stoned.

32:05 Majandra Delfino Okay.

32:06 Adam All right. So she's doing coke and smoking weed and she drinking?

32:13 Caller She does drink. She told me once that she went to rehab for heroin. But the only thing I don't get about that is, if she was in rehab for heroin, how couldn't she get off anything else?

32:27 Majandra Delfino You can't do anything after you've gone to rehab for heroin. You can't smoke pot, you can't drink.

32:31 Drew No, but he's saying if she was treated, why didn't she stop everything?

32:34 Majandra Delfino Well, because she obviously has a problem.

32:36 Drew Hey, look, Sigmund Freud thought he discovered a treatment for heroin addiction. Are you aware of that? He called it cocaine. He got a bunch of heroin addicts strung out on cocaine and they stopped doing heroin.

32:48 Adam Wow. All right. I was part of that program.

32:50 Drew But that's called cross addiction. In fact, her child would be better off with her on opiates than cocaine.

32:58 Adam Better heroin than coke? Is that what you're saying?

33:02 Drew Better heroin than coke. The problem with heroin is the way they administer it. The IV is not better. That's bad.

33:08 Adam That's dangerous.

33:08 Drew That's bad.

33:09 Adam Why? Poke it in the eye?

33:10 Drew The infections and things that are missing. But the methadone, Vicodin, all that good stuff, that's better than cocaine for the child. The children that are born to opiate addicted parents actually are fine. They go through a mild detox and they're fine.

33:22 Adam You even recommend it to some of your patients who aren't currently on opiates?

33:25 Drew I think about it, yeah, sure.

33:27 Adam Well, hey Mike, you're not the father, right?

33:31 Caller No, I had another question.

33:32 Drew She is abusing this child and she is in serious, serious trouble.

33:36 Adam How pregnant is she, Mike?

33:38 Caller She's a month.

33:40 Adam Hey Mike.

33:40 Drew I can get an abortion. Here I am. You rarely hear me say that, but I think this is a damaging situation.

33:46 Adam Can she get an abortion?

33:49 Caller Not now.

33:50 Adam Why not?

33:50 Caller Why not? Because first of all, she's been telling me that she wants the kid, she's abusing the kid, but she wants it.

33:59 Drew She's abusing this kid.

34:01 Caller Yeah.

34:03 Adam And what's the second reason?

34:06 Caller Well, she wants to keep the baby, and in the meantime, she also, not only is she seeing me, but there's another guy in Portland, that's her boyfriend.

34:16 Adam Hey Mike.

34:17 Caller And he's in jail.

34:17 Adam Hey Mike. Get the hell out. Mike, you're 16 years old. Can't you just date some, you know, a chick who's on the drill team or something at the high school? Hey Mike, Mike, Mike.

34:30 Drew Mike's an addict too though.

34:31 Adam Mike, buddy, you're 16 years old. 16. You should be whacking off in the shower and listening to crappy music that you think's good. That's what you do when you're 16 and hanging out with your dork buddies. You're hooked up with some chicks, a junkie, she's pregnant, she's got a boyfriend, she's in prison. What's up with you, Mike?

34:51 Caller You're 16.

34:52 Adam You ever watch later episodes of the Brady Bunch? You know how old Greg was? 16. You didn't see him carrying on this way, did you?

35:02 Caller Yeah, I wouldn't realize it isn't.

35:03 Majandra Delfino Yeah, well, anything based on real life isn't like that.

35:05 Adam Mike, come on, screwball. You're going to get her pregnant in nine months after this kid spontaneously aborts, God willing, and then you're going to be locked in. You're going to have cars up on blocks up in the driveway. You're going to have a bunch of crappy kids running around without a dental program. Come on. Oh, Mike, you idiot. Would you listen to me?

35:25 Caller You're 16.

35:26 Adam Now listen to me. You could dump this chick, would you?

35:29 Drew Mike's an addict, though.

35:30 Adam All right. Well, then just get high and you two get married. I'll see you in hell. All right. Next call. Listen, you call the show and I'm going to tell you what to do. And if you don't want to listen, good. Screw your life up. Screw it up. Have fun. Ryan.

35:47 Yes.

35:48 Adam You're 18.

35:49 Caller Hi.

35:49 Adam I mean, what's the kid arguing with us? He's 16 years old. What's he want?

35:54 Majandra Delfino Well, he obviously doesn't get it.

35:55 Drew Well, there's a reason he's in the shape he's in.

35:57 Majandra Delfino Yeah.

35:57 Adam At least he's an idiot.

35:58 Majandra Delfino He's not the brightest bulb on Broadway, you know what I'm saying?

36:00 Drew I mean, it's also-

36:01 Adam And he's high and his parents are crampy.

36:03 Drew He's anti-social, right? You got to not listen to anybody.

36:05 Majandra Delfino And she's like older and, you know, the whole thing.

36:07 Adam Right. Ryan. Hi. Listen, it pays to be a geek for about the first 25 years of your life. Don't be afraid to be a geek. Then later on, you get some new shoes and some new frames for your glasses and you become cool.

36:21 Majandra Delfino Oh, yeah.

36:22 Adam Ryan.

36:22 Majandra Delfino You get all the women.

36:23 Adam You get all the ladies. No, you do.

36:25 Majandra Delfino It's so true.

36:26 Adam It is so true. You're 18.

36:28 Majandra Delfino I know.

36:28 Drew Have you seen that already?

36:29 Majandra Delfino I'm suddenly going into this geek thing. I like geeks now.

36:32 Adam You're getting into the geeks, right? Oh, yeah.

36:34 Majandra Delfino I used to hate them. Love them now.

36:35 Adam They compensate, too. They drive nicer cars and dress better. Ryan.

36:40 Caller Hi. Yeah.

36:40 Adam Yeah.

36:41 Caller First of all, I want to say I love the show.

36:43 Adam Thanks.

36:45 Caller And, well, basically, my question is, I was wondering if there's any safe way to, like, reduce my sex drive.

36:52 Drew Why? What's the matter?

36:54 Caller Well, nothing's the matter except, you know, I'm 18 and, like, horny and, well, I have a girlfriend who doesn't want sex yet. And, you know, and it's a long-distance relationship and I don't want to be tempted when I'm away from her. That's nice.

37:07 Drew Where are you going to be?

37:09 Caller Huh?

37:09 Drew Where are you going to be?

37:10 Caller Oh, just, you know, at my college. And she's over at hers.

37:14 Adam What college are you going to?

37:16 Caller I'm going to Fresno City College.

37:18 Adam Yeah. And do you live in Fresno?

37:20 Caller Yeah.

37:20 Adam Okay. So you're at home.

37:22 Caller Yeah.

37:22 Where's she going?

37:24 Caller Readley College. It's like an hour away. I get to see her like once a week.

37:29 Adam Yeah. And what do you get off her once a week?

37:31 Caller Hmm?

37:32 Adam What do you get off her when you see her?

37:34 Caller Oh, well, like usual, like make out session.

37:38 Adam Yeah.

37:39 Caller Yeah.

37:39 Adam Yeah. No, no happy release or anything like that?

37:43 Caller No.

37:44 Adam No. Okay. And is she religious?

37:47 Caller No.

37:48 Majandra Delfino How old is she?

37:49 Caller She's 19.

37:50 Adam 19.

37:51 Caller Yeah.

37:52 Adam Not religious and not putting out?

37:54 Caller No.

37:54 Drew Happy release.

37:56 Adam Yeah. Really. It really takes the edge off, you know?

37:59 Drew Happy release.

38:02 Adam She's 19. She's not religious. She's in a junior college.

38:06 Caller Yeah.

38:07 Adam And she ain't putting out?

38:09 Caller No.

38:09 Adam Something's wrong.

38:10 Caller No. Well, she tells me she's kind of like still getting over her past relationship.

38:18 Yeah.

38:19 Adam My ass is still sore from my last boyfriend and therefore it's just kissing. Oh, there's just nothing worse. And so she's not a virgin then, right?

38:29 Caller No.

38:30 Adam Hold on a second. I tell you, I'm ready to kill myself on Ryan's behalf.

38:34 Drew Because this was you. This was you.

38:36 Adam Well.

38:36 Majandra Delfino Was this you, Adam?

38:37 Adam No.

38:38 Drew At 18. Come on.

38:39 Adam Please. I'm a big star. I'm a huge star.

38:41 Majandra Delfino Were you at 18? That was my question.

38:43 Adam I've always been a star. I was in Menudo.

38:45 Majandra Delfino I'll give you another opportunity.

38:46 Adam When I was 11, I parlayed that in a lucrative soap opera career.

38:52 Majandra Delfino Really?

38:53 Adam Yeah. I've been TV my whole life. Actually, I did carpet cleaning for 14 years, but then I got into TV and so it's practically been my whole life.

39:02 Majandra Delfino Sounds like a star to me.

39:04 Adam Ryan, this is a bad scene and Ryan can't. There's nothing better for him. Ryan? Yeah. Ryan, listen there, brother. This ain't good.

39:16 Drew This is your opportunity. This is what you, Adam wishes somebody had sat him down at 18 and given him this talk. Really, you said this a million times.

39:24 Adam I really wish I could have shown up to myself in a vision as a ghost of a future past, a Christmas past.

39:37 Drew Right.

39:38 Adam And I would have, here's a speech I would have given myself.

39:50 Caller You're 18, 13 short years, you'll break into radio. Don't worry. If you could just hold out 13 years, you'll get a woman.

40:03 Majandra Delfino It's not even that bad though. Thirteen years. You're making it sound terrible.

40:06 Drew Well, that's what it was, right?

40:08 Majandra Delfino Yeah. Don't scare the kid.

40:09 Adam You realize most people are convicted for murder out earlier than I got into radio from age 18.

40:15 Majandra Delfino Yeah. You're a nice kid. Move on.

40:16 Drew Think of the carpet cleaning and ditch digging and all that enjoyable past.

40:21 Adam All right, Ryan.

40:21 Drew Pastime.

40:22 Majandra Delfino Find a chick in Fresno.

40:23 Adam Break up. Break up.

40:24 Drew Well, tell them why. Tell them why.

40:26 Adam It's your only chance for salvation here.

40:28 Drew But she's not available.

40:30 Adam She isn't.

40:31 Drew She's not here.

40:31 Adam No. She's emotionally detached. She ain't even your girlfriend, Ryan. If I talked to her, she wouldn't say she had a boyfriend.

40:37 Oh, wow.

40:38 Adam Yeah. Let me talk to her.

40:41 Caller No, actually, I did hear her over say that once when I was on the phone with her.

40:45 Majandra Delfino Get rid of her.

40:46 Adam All right. We're going to talk to her, Ryan. Hold on. We're going to put you on hold. No, I don't know. Yeah. We're going to talk to her and get to the bottom of this. You'll feel better. It's going to be liberating. All right? Okay. I'm like one of those consumer advocates. I'm like one of those troubleshooters for your penis. Wait a minute. That's a good nickname for the penis. The troubleshooter. The troubleshooter.

41:05 Caller Yeah.

41:07 Adam Hey, Danielle, get Ryan's so-called girlfriend's number. I'm sure she'll be on the line when we come back.

41:19 We'll be right back with more Loveline.

41:50 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-F-E-E-1-9-1. Majandra Delfino is our guest tonight. She plays Maria on Roswell. WB, Wednesday nights, 9 o'clock. WB's making a little comeback. Are they?

42:09 Majandra Delfino Yeah, I believe so. I'd like to think so.

42:12 Drew Is it a comeback or charging to the forefront just once and for all?

42:17 Adam Yeah, because a comeback would suggest that they had fallen from some position. No. I think the Cooking Channel was beating them last year. So in that case, they're making a comeback.

42:28 Drew So what happened to that guy that did the interior design show you liked so much?

42:33 Majandra Delfino Oh, you know what I need to ask you?

42:34 Adam Christopher Lowell?

42:36 Caller Go for the areas. Fill that space, all right? The whole idea about creating focal points in your room is keeping your eye trained for those little details. It's those little details that make the home yours.

42:48 Adam Now, if you saw him, you could tell he was gay. But just listening to him over the radio, it's a little tough to pick up on. No, it's very subtle. Very subtle. I don't know, he's the world's gayest man. Is he still on? I just enjoy it.

43:00 Drew Is this show still on?

43:01 Adam You got something else for us?

43:02 Caller I want to thank all of my guests today. They did a swell job in showing us how easy it is so that we can really do it. I can do it, they can do it, you can do it.

43:10 Drew I remember when you charged into my hotel room and dragged me out of the shower to see him one day.

43:15 Adam When Christopher Lowell, who I do watch constantly, and I know a lot of women who do as well.

43:20 Drew He's still on?

43:21 Adam He's on 15 times a day. I spotted him, we were in a hotel.

43:27 Drew In Iowa.

43:28 Adam In Iowa. Yeah, we were in Iowa. This was a year and a half ago, Drew? Yeah. I spotted this guy on TV and I said, oh my God, it is the world's gayest man. The world's gayest man is on TV. For me, everything's a competition. And so of course, the world's gayest man is a competition as well. And I came charging in a Drew's room. He was in the room next to mine. I think I was just wearing a towel. Drew just got out of the shower or something. I was banging on Drew's door, yelling to turn it on the, I don't know what channel, life and something. And the world's gayest man is on there. And we both watched and we really enjoyed it. It never gets old to me. So I'm a big fan.

44:11 Majandra Delfino Yeah, it seems like it was like a pivotal moment.

44:13 Adam Yeah, there was a bond that went on between Drew and myself that day too.

44:17 Drew Okay.

44:17 Adam All right. So now, when we left off, we're speaking to Ryan who's 18. Ryan lives in town or wherever he lives. He's going to junior college there. His girlfriend goes out of college, out of town to college about an hour away. They only see each other on the weekends. He's horny. They're just kind of screwing around, but they're not having any sex and they're really just making out and she's had a tough relationship.

44:41 Drew Right, Ryan? Right. Why don't we put Ryan on hold for a second?

44:44 Adam Okay.

44:44 Drew And why don't we talk to his girlfriend, his so-called girlfriend.

44:48 Adam Ty?

44:49 Yes?

44:50 Adam You're 19?

44:51 Caller Yes, I am.

44:52 Adam Okay, you're Ryan's so-called girlfriend?

44:54 Caller Yes.

44:54 Adam All right. Are you in fact his girlfriend?

44:56 Caller Yes.

44:57 Adam Yes, you are?

44:58 Caller Yes.

44:58 Adam That's good. Okay.

44:59 Majandra Delfino This is big of you.

45:00 Adam How long have you two been going out?

45:03 Caller Oh, geez, like a couple months, but we've known each other longer than that.

45:07 Caller Uh-huh.

45:08 Adam And you've had sex before, correct?

45:10 Caller Yes.

45:11 Adam And with a few different guys, maybe?

45:14 Caller No, just one.

45:15 Adam Just one guy?

45:16 Drew And that went sour, right?

45:17 Caller Oh, yeah.

45:19 Drew What happened with that?

45:21 Caller Just things kind of got emotionally abusive, I guess.

45:26 Drew Was that a relationship you were real invested in? Like you were thinking of getting married and that kind of thing?

45:30 Majandra Delfino And love and...

45:31 Caller Um, well, at the time I did, but...

45:35 Drew How long ago was this?

45:37 Caller Um, we broke up about six, seven months ago.

45:40 Drew Are you over that yet?

45:42 Caller Um, trying to be.

45:43 Adam Yeah.

45:44 Caller It's just some things I just can't forget about.

45:47 Adam Yeah. And why isn't Ryan flipping your cookie?

45:51 Majandra Delfino Is he like the rebound thing or what?

45:53 Caller No, it's not. No.

45:55 Drew He's more than that.

45:56 Caller It took more thought about getting with him. But, uh, I don't know. It's not. I'm just not ready for sex.

46:05 Adam Yeah. Well, hold on. Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on a second. Six, seven months. I think if you're into Ryan, you'd be ready for sex.

46:15 Majandra Delfino But wait, how long have you guys been dating? You and Ryan?

46:17 Drew Three months.

46:18 Majandra Delfino Three months?

46:19 Caller All right.

46:19 Adam Okay.

46:20 Majandra Delfino My question is, why don't you do anything else but making out? That's my question.

46:24 Caller Because I'm not.

46:26 Adam You're not in-

46:26 Majandra Delfino You just don't-

46:27 Adam Hold on a second. Quiet down there. You're not into Ryan, right?

46:30 Caller No, it's not that at all.

46:32 Adam It's not that at all?

46:34 Caller It just scares me that if I just get into another sexual relationship, it'll-

46:40 Drew Remember, she needs an abusive guy.

46:42 Caller Right. I don't know.

46:43 Drew Ryan may not be able to deliver that.

46:45 Adam Ryan's a nice guy, right?

46:46 Caller Yeah, he is. He's a great guy.

46:48 Adam And he's not turning you on. He's not feeding your drama.

46:52 Caller No, no, it's not that.

46:52 Adam He's a little too nice.

46:54 Caller No, it's not that at all.

46:55 Adam Hey, listen. You know Ryan's a real nice guy.

46:59 Caller Yeah.

46:59 Adam Why would you be scared to connect with him?

47:02 Caller I don't know. I'm just afraid that-

47:04 Adam You're just afraid that he ain't feeding it for you. He doesn't turn you on.

47:09 Caller No, he does.

47:10 Adam He turns you on.

47:11 Yes.

47:12 Adam You're physically attracted to him.

47:14 Caller Yes.

47:14 Adam And he turns you on.

47:16 Caller Yeah.

47:17 Adam And you'll not do anything more than make out with him.

47:19 Drew Let Majandra ask the question now, which was- Yeah.

47:22 Majandra Delfino Oh, I don't know.

47:23 Drew Which was the question about why not more?

47:25 Majandra Delfino Yeah. Well, no. I'm learning as we go along. I think that you should go for your instinct and-

47:31 Drew You got to think like an 18-year-old, Adam, for a second. That is that for 18-year-olds today, making out, part of that is some stuff that-

47:36 Majandra Delfino Adam didn't do anything when he was 18, remember?

47:38 Drew Well, none of us did. There was something that James Conn did in the grotto at the Playboy Mansion, as you'd said.

47:44 Adam Right. Hey, Ty?

47:45 Caller Yes?

47:46 Adam What are you doing with him?

47:48 Caller What do you mean?

47:49 Adam Sexually.

47:50 Majandra Delfino First base, second base, sloppy second.

47:53 Caller Nothing, he's just kissing.

47:56 Adam You're just kissing. And you go no further than that.

47:58 Caller Right.

47:59 Adam Even though you've had sex before and you're very attracted to him physically. Ty, come on, there's part of this, I just don't believe it. It's been seven months.

48:11 Majandra Delfino I believe it.

48:12 Adam Now listen, I'm gonna give you one of two scenarios here, Ty.

48:15 Majandra Delfino Okay.

48:16 Adam And Drew, you're gonna back me up here.

48:18 Drew Needs an abusive guy.

48:19 Adam Would you, either talk into the mic or quiet down, would you? Yeah, either you need that dangerous, abusive guy, that A-hole you dated before, either you need that edge, that thing that turns you on, and Ryan doesn't possess that because he's a nice guy, or you're just not attracted to him physically, or it's a combination of both. You don't have that edge, so you're not attracted to him. You may physically understand that he's an attractive person, but he doesn't have that edge that women need, or that some women need. Was your dad kind of an a-hole?

48:51 Caller I have no idea. I didn't grow up with my dad.

48:54 Drew Well, that would qualify him as an a-hole, by the way.

48:56 Adam You never met him?

48:58 Caller No, I know who he is and all that, but...

49:00 Adam Okay, so you need a jerk.

49:03 Drew You need an abandoning...

49:04 Majandra Delfino No, what you need is to become sexually attracted to Ryan.

49:07 Adam She can't be because he's not a jerk.

49:10 Drew But no, he's not telling me, but that's what she's setting herself up for.

49:12 Majandra Delfino Yeah, so don't go for the jerk thing.

49:14 Drew You need abandoning unavailable guys. Ryan.

49:17 Caller Thank you. That's what I'm trying to avoid.

49:19 Majandra Delfino Yeah.

49:20 Adam You got a hell of a way of repaying the nice guys. No sex, daddy.

49:24 Well, that's awful.

49:25 Adam God bless you. Hold on. I got to yell at you crazy women for a minute. Just driving me nuts here. No, I'm going to put them both on hold.

49:32 Drew Okay, hold on. Hold on.

49:33 Adam Listen, you women, all you do, you shout from the highest mountain, where are the nice guys? Where are the good guys? Where are the guys are going to treat me with respect? But that's when they're older.

49:44 Majandra Delfino That's when they're older. When you're 19, you don't know that.

49:45 Adam Is she in the middle of something? No.

49:48 Drew She's just responding.

49:48 She's talking to her.

49:50 Majandra Delfino Listen, don't feel threatened.

49:51 Adam All right, forget it.

49:53 Drew Where were we? When Adam starts a mom looking like anybody else.

49:55 Majandra Delfino He's just mad at women, this one. Speaking from the 19-year-old trauma.

50:00 Adam I hate women. Paul.

50:02 Drew Wait, we didn't finish with those guys.

50:03 Adam I don't care. Paul, you're 16.

50:04 Drew We got to finish.

50:07 Adam I don't care.

50:08 Drew Paul. Adam.

50:08 Adam What?

50:09 Drew Got to finish. Ryan.

50:10 Adam All right.

50:11 Drew Hold on, Paul.

50:12 Adam Oh, you want Ryan?

50:13 Drew Yeah.

50:13 Adam All right.

50:14 Drew Hey, Ryan. So, does that all make sense to you?

50:17 Caller Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

50:19 Adam I start being an A-hole.

50:21 Caller Yeah.

50:21 Adam That's your only shot.

50:22 Majandra Delfino Play games, boy.

50:24 Drew Do you have a sense that that's what was going on?

50:26 Caller Well, I don't know if I still believe it.

50:29 Drew Of course, you're a fixer though, right?

50:32 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

50:32 Drew Yeah. You got to fix projects. Well. That ain't working. Shouldn't I say you want to be fixed, Ryan? You got to not be fixing this one. That is your other strategy. Just be available. Be yourself. Let it be known what it is you want from the relationship. And it either will or will not work out.

50:48 All right?

50:49 Drew All right. Good luck.

50:51 All right.

50:51 Adam Now.

50:51 Drew Now we got to go to break.

50:53 Adam We're already late. All right. Well, let the record show that I want to take another call. All right. When we come back, we'll speak to Paul. He got shot in the nuts with a paintball. Ouch! This is the kind of call I like. After this.

51:06 Drew Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

51:10 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Yep, it is Loveline, I'm Adam. That is Drew over there. We're gonna take ourselves a quick 10 second timeout. We'll be back with more of the Fabulous program in just 10 seconds.

51:52 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

52:07 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, this is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Majandra Delfino is our guest tonight. She plays Maria, who's on Roswell. WB, Wednesday nights, nine o'clock. Drew has put the computer in the sack. He's now ready to make the transformation from putting the Marks a Lot board where I couldn't read it to where I can read it. And we're going to carry on with the show and speak to Paul. Paul 16 got shot in the nuts with Paintball.

52:35 Hey Adam, you guys are the bomb.

52:37 Adam Thank you.

52:38 Caller And yeah, I got shot in the nuts with a Paintball.

52:41 Caller It's all like swelled up and purple. I was wondering if it could be like detached from, like, you know, like detached.

52:49 Drew No, but you can cause hematomas and you can fracture them and you can cause all kinds of problems. It hurt?

52:55 Caller Yeah.

52:56 Caller Like, I can't touch it.

52:58 Drew It's probably just a hematoma, but you ought to have somebody look at it, Paul. It can be a serious issue.

53:03 All right.

53:03 Drew All right.

53:04 All right. Thank you.

53:05 Drew All right.

53:06 Adam Hey, Paul.

53:06 Caller Yeah.

53:07 Adam Where are we playing paintball?

53:09 Caller In Marin County.

53:10 Adam Yeah. Oh, that sounds like a nice place to play paintball, by the way.

53:14 Caller Yeah.

53:15 Caller Have you ever played?

53:16 Adam Yeah.

53:17 Caller Yeah.

53:18 Adam I play paintball. It's dangerous.

53:19 Caller It's fun, though. Yeah.

53:21 Adam Yeah. Here's the problem. When you play that paintball, though, I enjoy it. Your adrenaline gets pumping and you don't want to get shot. And your mind doesn't really distinguish between bullets or paint nuggets or whatever. You just don't want to get shot. And so you're running and there's a guy shooting at you. You dive into a cactus. You roll down a hill. You do like a shoulder roll over some boulders and then shimmy under a log. And you don't really realize it because your heart's pumping so hard and you just don't want to get shot. And then the next day you're in the shower and it's like you're looking at yourself and you look like you got thrown off a train. Your shins are all banged up and everything's a mess. But yeah, getting shot, listen, I put a cup on to go down and get the paper in the morning. You're going to play a paintball, you put a cup on. Guys need to wear a cup. They really do. I'm going to, I'm going to soak. What the hell?

54:17 Drew He's yelling at his mom.

54:19 Caller Show it.

54:20 Caller If you listen to it, listen to it.

54:22 Well, we'll set your listening to it until 11 o'clock. Hello?

54:26 Caller Hello.

54:28 Hello?

54:29 Caller Hello.

54:29 Adam Hey, Chris?

54:30 Yeah.

54:30 Caller Wow.

54:31 Adam Is that Mary Poppins in the background?

54:33 Yeah.

54:34 Caller Yeah.

54:35 Adam Is that your mom?

54:37 Caller Okay. Uh-oh.

54:39 Caller Can you go out?

54:40 Caller Hey.

54:40 Caller No, please.

54:41 Adam Hey, Chris.

54:42 Caller Yeah.

54:42 Caller Put the mom on the phone.

54:43 Adam Let me talk to your mom for a second.

54:44 Caller All right.

54:45 Adam What's her name?

54:46 Caller Christine. Okay.

54:47 Caller Mom.

54:49 Drew Well, first, apologize for keeping you up so late. Hello.

54:51 Adam Yes. Christine?

54:52 Caller Uh-huh.

54:53 Adam First off, I like to say that's my mother's name, so I have a natural love for you already. I'm Adam Corolla. This is my partner, Dr. Drew. He's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. He may potentially help your son. Majandra Delfino is our guest tonight. She's from Roswell. I'm sure it's a show that your son is familiar with. She may not be able to offer any insight tonight.

55:12 Drew But at least apologize for keeping her son up so late.

55:15 Adam Yes. I want to apologize for keeping your child up so late listening to this radio show. I want to apologize for the content mostly brought forth by my partner, Dr. Drew. We'd like to help your son with whatever problem he may have. Is that okay with you?

55:28 Caller Sure.

55:28 Adam Okay. Has he been okay other than whatever he's calling in about?

55:33 Caller I guess so.

55:34 Adam Where are you calling from? Or where is he calling from?

55:37 Caller Bakersfield.

55:38 Adam Bakersfield. Uh-huh. Are you doing all right over there, Christine?

55:42 Caller I guess so.

55:42 Caller I don't know yet. I don't know why he's calling.

55:45 Adam Well, I just mean in general. Is everything okay?

55:47 Caller Uh-huh.

55:48 Drew He's paving himself.

55:49 Adam Is he getting good grades? Yeah. He's not on the weed?

55:53 Drew I don't know.

55:55 Adam You don't think? You want to look around his room a little while we hold on?

56:00 Caller Well, I'll just let him talk to you.

56:03 Adam All right.

56:04 Caller Yeah.

56:05 Adam You doing all right?

56:06 Caller I don't know yet.

56:07 Caller I still don't know why he's calling.

56:10 Adam Is your husband around?

56:11 Caller We're divorced.

56:12 Adam Okay. That's all right. But you're making it all right?

56:15 Caller So far.

56:16 Adam What kind of job do you have?

56:18 Caller I'm in sales.

56:19 Adam Okay. All right. Well, let's talk to him and hopefully we can help him with whatever problem he might have. Okay. All right. Thanks, Christine.

56:26 Caller Okay.

56:26 Adam Here he is. You're a good mother.

56:28 Caller Thank you.

56:29 Caller All right.

56:30 Adam I think she was drunk.

56:32 Hello?

56:32 Adam Chris?

56:33 Caller Yeah.

56:35 Adam You're Chris? Your mom's Christine?

56:37 Yeah. That's beautiful.

56:38 Adam That's a little weird. Okay. Chris?

56:41 Yeah.

56:41 Adam You're still there. Okay. Good. You have two phones in the house?

56:45 Yeah.

56:46 Adam That's a good sign. Most our callers don't have two phones.

56:49 Caller Yeah.

56:49 Adam They live in mansions, but just one phone.

56:51 Caller Yeah.

56:51 Adam In the basement. Very inconvenient.

56:53 I have a basement.

56:54 Adam Okay. So what is your question for us tonight, Chris?

57:00 Drew Mom's sitting right there, right?

57:02 Adam Is mom there?

57:03 She's in the other room.

57:04 Adam Okay. She's not listening. Go ahead.

57:06 Drew You there?

57:07 She's never heard of this show.

57:08 Adam Okay.

57:09 Drew I know. It's okay.

57:09 No.

57:10 Caller It's all right.

57:13 Drew She'll freak out when you ask the question.

57:15 Yeah.

57:15 That's why I don't want her to know.

57:17 Adam Okay. Well, let me see if I can ask it in a code sort of way. Do you have a dog?

57:21 Yeah.

57:22 Adam You do?

57:22 Yeah.

57:23 Adam I hear it's a small dog.

57:25 Yeah.

57:26 Adam Yes.

57:27 Drew Is it to have a very sort of a limited coat?

57:32 Yeah.

57:32 Drew Really?

57:33 Adam What the hell are you talking about? Drew, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

57:37 Drew Not much hair on that dog.

57:39 Well, there's lots of that.

57:40 Drew Oh, you got that.

57:41 Adam Yeah. Hold on a second.

57:43 Majandra Delfino What if he really thinks you're talking about a dog?

57:44 Adam Drew, would you shut up? I don't know what the hell you're talking about. You're like a retarded Marlon Marcus over there. Where are you going? I'm saying he's got a small dog.

57:52 Drew I understand that, but I'm going with what the rest of the development.

57:55 Adam Could you let me get to the small dog problem first?

57:58 Drew He said he was a small dog.

58:00 Adam Okay. So Chris, you think your dog is small?

58:02 Yeah.

58:03 Adam Maybe smaller than the average dog?

58:05 Yeah, like a four.

58:09 Adam Like if a dog was like one to 10, your dog would be like a four.

58:15 Drew This wouldn't be in the working class. It'd be in the miniatures.

58:18 Majandra Delfino How tall are you?

58:19 About five, eight maybe.

58:23 Adam Yeah. What's it have to do with this dog? All right. So your dog is not as big as some of the other dogs in the neighborhood.

58:30 Yeah.

58:31 Adam But that's okay because he's still growing.

58:34 Drew Right. You're only 14. In dog years, that would be four.

58:40 Adam All right. So Chris, here's what we like to say. Your dog, what's the dog's name?

58:47 Caller Hannah.

58:52 Caller Hannah?

58:55 Majandra Delfino He's really talking about his dog this time.

58:56 Caller Right.

58:57 Caller Okay.

58:58 Adam Well, let's just talk about his dog. Your dog's name is Hannah? Hannah.

59:00 Caller Hannah.

59:01 Adam Okay.

59:02 Caller Hannah.

59:02 Caller That dog is a gay homosexual.

59:04 Adam All right. So listen.

59:05 Drew Hannah and her sister.

59:08 Adam Hannah still has a little growing to do.

59:11 Drew Quite a bit.

59:11 Adam And should not worry about it. And furthermore, dogs, young ladies do not care about the size of a man's dog.

59:22 My dog still has hair over its eyes too.

59:24 Adam Okay. That's good. Over its eyes.

59:27 It wasn't taken off.

59:28 Adam I see. I see. But don't worry about that. Let me tell you what young ladies like. They don't mind a guy with a small dog. They like a guy who knows how to lick the cat.

59:40 Drew Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

59:44 Adam If you know what I'm saying.

59:46 Drew The only thing it's important to know is whether or not the...

59:48 Adam Put him on hold for his mom gets back on the phone.

59:50 Drew The development is normal. In other words, the other characteristics of your age or the dog's age should be appropriate. The hair distribution, stature, these sorts of things. If that's all coming along normally, then this will come along too. You've got about seven more years of growth to go. Know that if puberty came on late, that's a normal thing and the later it comes on, it also tends to be associated with longevity.

1:00:14 Adam Is it a long-haired dog? I'll tell you, no man education can make a man smart. That's what I've learned from Dr. Drew. Jared?

1:00:21 Yeah.

1:00:22 Adam You're 15.

1:00:23 Caller Yeah.

1:00:24 Adam What's up?

1:00:24 Caller Not much. My call is for Dr. Drew.

1:00:26 Yeah.

1:00:28 Caller I've recently read an article that marijuana causes cancer.

1:00:31 Drew There's some concern about that, yeah. There's a growing body of evidence that it may.

1:00:36 Adam What kind of cancer?

1:00:36 Drew Lung.

1:00:38 Caller So it is lung cancer.

1:00:39 Drew Yeah. And it causes emphysema, chronic bronchitis.

1:00:43 Adam Now listen.

1:00:43 Drew And it may cause heart disease.

1:00:45 Adam It doesn't have something in your sperm, too.

1:00:47 Drew It's really low in your sperm count.

1:00:48 Adam Anything you suck in and hold in that's a carcinogen or smoke, of course, is going to cause cancer. You do the math.

1:00:56 Caller I've also read that smoking marijuana reduces the rate that you might get in a car accident.

1:01:06 Drew The rate? The speed?

1:01:07 Caller Not rate, no.

1:01:10 Majandra Delfino The probability?

1:01:11 Caller Yeah, the probability.

1:01:13 Adam That you're going to get in a car accident?

1:01:15 Majandra Delfino Yeah, helps you drive better.

1:01:17 Drew Because why?

1:01:18 Caller It slows down your mind.

1:01:20 Drew That should make you more likely to get in a car accident.

1:01:22 Adam Now, it slows down your car because you're paranoid and you're stoned and you're doing 35 on the freeway with the car cover still on the car, by the way. I've done that before. Drove all the way to San Francisco with the car cover on stone.

1:01:35 Drew Jared, how much pot do you smoke?

1:01:38 Caller I don't. My friends do.

1:01:40 Adam You don't smoke pot?

1:01:42 Caller No.

1:01:42 Drew Don't buy it.

1:01:44 Adam Jared, are your parents listening?

1:01:46 Caller No.

1:01:46 Adam Jared, you must smoke pot.

1:01:49 Caller Why?

1:01:50 Adam Because you sound baked.

1:01:52 Drew And he's preoccupied about it.

1:01:54 Adam Now, stop lying to us.

1:01:55 Drew We need to build those defenses about what you're doing.

1:01:57 Adam We know you smoke weed.

1:01:59 Caller That is so funny.

1:02:00 Adam Please admit it to us. You sound like you're one of the whalers of Bob Marley's backup band.

1:02:07 Caller Oh, I hear some tasty waves, cool buzz, and I'm fine.

1:02:12 Adam All right, Jared, you smoke weed, right?

1:02:14 Caller A little.

1:02:16 Drew Yeah, a little.

1:02:17 Caller Yeah, hold on.

1:02:18 Drew Oh, boy.

1:02:22 Adam You just bust your kid's night here on Loveline.

1:02:24 Majandra Delfino Holy Christ. Must be me.

1:02:27 Adam Dad, you're sitting there by the radio waiting for him to break. Yeah.

1:02:32 Drew Oh, that was a good day.

1:02:34 Adam Listen, kiddies.

1:02:35 Drew Amazing reaction time from dad, too.

1:02:37 Adam When you call this show and you sound like a rusty hinge when you talk and you have a thousand and one questions about weed, none of which you can articulate correctly, here when you're driving. Great. Slow us down. I mean, come on, please. We know you're stoned, screwballs. Let me tell you what's bad, what's dangerous, and what's scary about weed. It's not the lung cancer. It's not the sperm count. It's not the breast development. It's not any of this nonsense.

1:03:14 Drew It's the penis shrinking.

1:03:15 Adam It's not the penis shrinking. It's not any of that stuff. It dulls your brain. We talk to people and in the first three syllables, we can tell if they're smoking weed or not. That's scary. It's scary when you talk to somebody, even if they're not high. Meaning, you're doing so much of something, it has affected you in such an all-encompassing way that even people who have never spoken to you in their life, even when you're not currently under the influence of that particular substance, know you're stoner and can basically predict your life. Way too much Nintendo, way too much hanging around, way too much time thinking and talking about nothing and not getting anything done. Is there anything inherently wrong with the weed once in a while? No, of course not. I smoke weed. It doesn't do anything to me. I just don't go to work high and I don't do anything high. You can't do anything high. I don't wake up every morning and have a bong load.

1:04:12 Drew The problem is that it regulates one's affect in situations where people need to learn how to do that on their own. When you never learn that skill of feeling better, of dealing with your feelings, you never have any option other than to do this. And you also lose the capacity to initiate action. So like you're talking about, you never get that resume written. They have lots of great ideas, but the block comes going from idea to action. There's actually a block there.

1:04:40 Majandra Delfino Yeah, it's not the most motivating drug.

1:04:42 Adam And by the way, everybody, and this is I believe society's fault, or at least the politicians' fault, they do not talk about frequency. I know a ton of successful people who smoke weed. They smoke it when it's appropriate, when it's the weekend, when they're at a barbecue, when they're unwinding, when they're not at work, and then Monday morning they go to work. And they don't smoke at work. Here's what they do, and here's what the government does. Weed is evil. Everyone who smokes it is, you know, going to die, and you'll never get anything done. And then there are all these examples of people who smoke weed who are very successful. Well, let me tell you, those people don't smoke weed at work. They smoke it on the weekend. And it's whether you're talking about weed, booze, or fast food, or twinkies, or whatever you're talking about, you want to do it once in a while? You want to do it when it's appropriate? Fine. You can do it your whole life, and you'll still have, you can have a fruitful life, and get plenty done. You do it all the time, it ruins you. That's everything. Everything is that way. From masturbation, to pot, to television, to fast food. Do it all the time, you're ruined. Do it once in a while, you're fine. That's what, but we won't give that message as a government. No, just you can't do it, it'll kill you, and then they do it, I'm not dead, must be good. They were lying. Now they're not lying, they're just doing a piss poor job of getting their point across. I'm allowed to say piss poor, aren't I? That's in a sentence. Lisa?

1:06:19 Caller Yes.

1:06:20 Adam You're 22.

1:06:21 Caller Hi.

1:06:21 Adam What's up?

1:06:22 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew. I have exactly two questions that relate to each other. I've been using heroin for the last two years and I've tried like many times to quit and been unsuccessful at it and currently I'm on starting this medication. It's a mix between buprenorphine and naloxone. It's a study that's being done and it works really well as far as...

1:06:57 Drew Is your problem completing detox or staying off the drug once you're detoxed?

1:07:03 Caller Completing.

1:07:04 Drew So you've never successfully completed a detox?

1:07:06 Caller No.

1:07:07 Drew Alright, so it's reasonable for you to try some aggressive measures. I'm generally not a fan of buprenorphine. I've seen too many people get in trouble with that.

1:07:14 Adam What is it?

1:07:15 Drew It's another partial heroin-type drug. And methadone, same deal.

1:07:20 Caller Yeah, methadone didn't work.

1:07:21 Drew Yeah, it's the same idea. But the issue here is creating enough structure and being involved in a program that keeps you supported and preoccupied and away from the potential.

1:07:33 Caller I find the hardest thing is...

1:07:35 Drew You have to be somewhere for many, many months.

1:07:37 Caller Yeah.

1:07:38 Drew You can't do this at home.

1:07:40 Caller Because like at first my excuse was, oh well I can't handle being sick, you know, and so that's why...

1:07:46 Drew There's a million excuses and it feels awful and you just got to go through it.

1:07:49 Caller And now I'm not sick but I still can't.

1:07:52 Drew Well, it feels worse frankly once you get off. Then you have this very intense feeling of depression and loss.

1:07:58 Caller Yeah, I have really bad depression.

1:08:00 Drew Yeah, and that's not going anywhere. And you know where the relief is, it's with the opiates, it's with the drug. So you have to be somewhere where you're in a structured enough environment, a sober living, a residential treatment program, something where you're getting daily, it's around the clock, supportive care.

1:08:13 Adam Horse house.

1:08:15 Drew What's that?

1:08:16 Adam Heroin house. Okay.

1:08:17 Drew Yeah.

1:08:18 Adam Why don't they just start calling the stuff what it is? You know what I mean?

1:08:21 Drew Horse?

1:08:22 Adam Yeah, I just mean that it's always a Covenant house or a Rainbow house. It's called horse house. Smack house.

1:08:28 Drew Smack house, yeah.

1:08:29 Adam Yeah, you even have alliteration with the heroin house. And that way there's no confusion. Plus, everyone just thinks it's the worst anyway. Listen, whenever you're saying at a place that has house at the end of it, that's bad news. It's around McDonald House, Rainbow House, Halfway House. You put house. Now, in Mexico, it's a different thing. They put house. Casa. The doctor's office is Casa de.

1:08:55 Drew It's a restaurant.

1:08:56 Adam Yeah, every goddamn restaurant, everything just says house in front of it. I swear to God, I don't know.

1:09:01 Drew It's like Chez in French.

1:09:03 Adam Right.

1:09:03 Drew Chez whatever.

1:09:04 Adam Here, you put house behind something, you're bad news. It's so true. Whether you're in the dog house, the halfway house or the Ronald McDonald house, you put house on it, bad news. I would remove the house if I open one of these places. It's now such a negative connotation that it stigmatizes the people that come in. Jeff?

1:09:26 Drew Then home isn't much better.

1:09:28 Adam Now, home's bad too. That's the same problem except for older people. Yeah. That's why I put shack, heroin shack.

1:09:38 Drew Love shack.

1:09:38 Caller Yeah.

1:09:39 Adam Junkie shack. Sounds good. Sounds like you get some good food there too.

1:09:42 Majandra Delfino Makes fun. Yeah.

1:09:44 Drew Rib shack.

1:09:46 Adam I won't even go to the house of pancakes. Hey, Jeff?

1:09:49 Caller Yeah.

1:09:50 Adam You're 17. What's up?

1:09:52 Caller Yeah. It's for Dr. Drew. Maybe you can help me out a little bit too. My stepmom kind of, well, my dad got married three, three and a half, four months ago to some 39-year-old.

1:10:07 Caller He's 50.

1:10:09 Caller And I was in the wedding and everything. And everything was fine. I knew her for about a year and a half. And about a month and a half ago, a month and a half into the marriage or so, she started coming in my room one or two nights a week, seven, about five or six times. She'd come in my room about three o'clock in the morning and rub my head and tell me she loves me and just really weird, weird, weird stuff.

1:10:37 Adam Tango-toothed.

1:10:38 Caller Run away, tell my dad about it. It's putting me in a really awkward position.

1:10:42 Drew What did she say exactly?

1:10:46 Caller She, last time it was probably a week ago and she came in, woke me up, turned my light on. My dad's a doctor so he was gone and he was on call or whatever and she came in, turned my light on. I kind of woke up but I knew it was going to happen just because it happened before and she sat on my bed next to me like I was laying down or whatever but she started rubbing my head and kind of rubbing my stomach and she told me like I still acted asleep or whatever because I knew what was going on. I knew what she was doing. She told me she loved me. She told me everything's going to be okay. Just stuff that really doesn't even make any sense.

1:11:31 Drew Was she loaded? Could she smell alcohol?

1:11:35 Caller She smokes opium.

1:11:37 Drew Smokes opium.

1:11:38 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:11:40 Drew She called Jeff so that God knows what she's doing.

1:11:42 Adam She's got to be high as a kite rolling in there at 3 a.m. telling you she loves you.

1:11:47 Drew Your dad's got a serious situation of his hands here.

1:11:51 Adam What is she, Chinese?

1:11:52 Caller No.

1:11:53 Adam Who the hell smokes opium anymore?

1:11:55 Caller 39 year old, very attractive lady.

1:11:58 Drew Well, she's an opiate addict and he's got a serious problem in his hands.

1:12:01 Caller Very serious. I'm not even too sure my dad knows about it.

1:12:07 Adam How do you know she smokes opium and he doesn't?

1:12:11 Caller Well, she let me borrow her car to take my ex-girlfriend now to the prom. In her glove compartment, I found it was wrapped in foil and it's like a blackish brownish car looking stuff.

1:12:24 Adam Well, that may be hash.

1:12:25 Drew It could be heroin.

1:12:27 Caller I know it's not hash.

1:12:28 Drew How do you know that?

1:12:28 Caller Because I'm a big pot smoker myself, not big.

1:12:31 Adam He pinched them.

1:12:35 Drew Did you try it or something?

1:12:36 Caller Did I try what she had in the glove compartment? No. But I know it's not hash.

1:12:40 Adam Alright, so it's not hash. Does opium look like hash? Don't play stupid, Drew. Come on, I know you're hooked on this stuff. Kind of tarry. Alright, what if it's heroin?

1:12:52 Caller See, I don't know what heroin looks like.

1:12:53 Drew How do you know she's smoking it? How do you know she's not shooting it?

1:12:56 Caller I don't know.

1:12:57 Adam You can't shoot tar, Drew.

1:13:00 Caller I was assuming it was opium.

1:13:01 Adam How do you shoot tar? Well, you got to heat it up. Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought you were just shoving the tar into the syringe.

1:13:06 Majandra Delfino I had a picture there.

1:13:09 Adam Okay. Hey, Jeff.

1:13:13 Wow.

1:13:15 Adam This is a weird.

1:13:16 Caller Go back on.

1:13:17 Drew Let's hear it.

1:13:19 Caller Hello?

1:13:20 Adam Hello?

1:13:21 Caller Hello?

1:13:21 Drew Jeff?

1:13:22 Caller Yeah.

1:13:23 Drew What was that?

1:13:24 Caller That was my best friend's girlfriend.

1:13:28 Adam Why was she screaming into the phone?

1:13:31 Caller She's drunk.

1:13:33 Caller I came here for the night.

1:13:34 Adam Hold on a second. Hold on a second there, Jeff. This is a real super weird night.

1:13:40 Drew Yeah, it is weird.

1:13:40 Adam Like lots of sort of ancillary people that are hanging around, getting involved with the show.

1:13:46 Drew Intervening. Intervening on the phone calls.

1:13:48 Adam Yeah. Normally, I swear to God.

1:13:50 Drew I blame Majandra.

1:13:51 Adam Yeah. Who else can we blame? We take, you know, we take one out of every thousand calls, somebody in the background, some mom or dad, walks in a room or something. Tonight, it's been like four or five.

1:14:00 Caller Shoot.

1:14:01 Caller All right.

1:14:03 Adam I believe. Now, hold on.

1:14:05 Drew He had enough detail for you to believe.

1:14:06 Adam Here's why I believe Jeff. Because she came into the room and she didn't give him a hand job.

1:14:13 Drew Right. Right.

1:14:15 Adam She came in the room and rubbed his forehead and said she loved him, but didn't do anything with him. If he's BSing, he's saying that she came in the room and they rocked all night, while dad was over at the OR. So I believe him because he's detailed.

1:14:29 Drew And think about coming up with a story where I took a car from the prom and I found something in the glove compartment. He's got all the details.

1:14:36 Adam And he doesn't know what it is.

1:14:37 Drew Yeah, he's got all the details.

1:14:38 Adam See, when you lie, you know what it is. Hey, Jeff? Jeff?

1:14:46 Drew Wait, wait, wait. That calls everything into question.

1:14:48 Adam Now he ain't there.

1:14:50 Drew Jeff? Oh, why does it call into question?

1:14:53 Adam No, I, I.

1:14:55 Drew Anyway, be that as it may, he has, Look, he has talked to his dad. Yeah. Right? I found something in the glove compartment. I think it's drugs, dad. She's doing weird stuff at night. It's freaking me out. I think you got a problem. That's all.

1:15:06 Majandra Delfino I think you should take the dad in the car before the dad confronts the woman.

1:15:10 Drew Show him the stuff?

1:15:10 Majandra Delfino Yeah, so he can have, like, hard evidence.

1:15:12 Adam Well, you better see if it's there, too, though, because that was a while ago, and you don't know if it's there. All right, we'll take ourselves a break. We're going to talk to Rose, who's 23, who's addicted to phone sex when we come back. What? Heard someone took ecstasy through his anus. Wants to know if there's the most potent way to do it. That happened to me once, and not intentionally. I tripped by the pool when we were in Mexico, and it's a long story. All right, so we'll talk to Tom, actually, took some ecstasy in the anus and then Rose. But Majandra Delfino has got to go, because she's got to get up at what time tomorrow morning?

1:15:58 Majandra Delfino Six.

1:15:59 Adam Six?

1:15:59 Majandra Delfino I have to be there at six.

1:16:01 Adam Oh, that is heinous.

1:16:02 Drew That's worse than me.

1:16:03 Adam All right. Thanks for coming in. We do appreciate it.

1:16:07 Majandra Delfino Anytime.

1:16:08 Adam Again, Roswell WB, Wednesday nights, nine o'clock, watch his show. I'm sure you already are, but watch it again. And we'll be back after this.

1:16:19 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:16:20 Caller Okay, let's do it.

1:16:22 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:16:27 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:17:00 Adam All right. We're back with a little more. I knew it would kick in eventually. Loveline, Majandra Delfino has left the building. Again, Roswell, Wednesday nights, WB, 9 o'clock. And let's get back to what we're getting on here. Drew, we're going to have to do some of that board there. You can't really get in trouble. You got your mug in the way or something. There we go. That's better. Tom?

1:17:26 Yeah.

1:17:26 Adam You're 20?

1:17:27 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:17:28 Caller Hey.

1:17:29 Caller Yeah, I got a question. I got a lot of friends that do E. I don't do E. I've never done it. I don't plan on doing it. But I got a lot of friends that do. And apparently, according to them, this one guy, a friend of mine, he took it through his anus. And this is all hearsay. But according to him, he got like super, super high, couldn't even get up off the ground, was throwing up and stuff. And I just never even heard of that before. And I just want to know if either of you have heard of that, or if I'm just being like totally...

1:17:59 Drew I've heard of people taking things through their rear. I have. Alcohol.

1:18:03 Adam Alcohol?

1:18:04 Drew Yeah.

1:18:04 Adam Sure.

1:18:05 Drew I think that's a very absorptive area back there that stuff will absorb.

1:18:09 Adam Let me explain how this really went down. He took the E orally, and then later took it in the anus, if you know what I'm saying.

1:18:16 Caller See, that's what I was thinking too. But I didn't know if that was really the most potent way, just through the anus.

1:18:22 Drew I don't know that it's the most potent effect. I would doubt that it is that any different.

1:18:26 Adam Well, let me ask you this, Drew. If taking alcohol through the anus is a faster track to a high, then it would be drinking it.

1:18:37 Drew Because you can put a higher volume in than you can to your stomach. Without bringing it back.

1:18:43 Adam But it's not that you, it acts faster.

1:18:47 Drew I don't believe so.

1:18:47 Adam It's absorbed in a different way.

1:18:49 Drew I don't know that's not true, but I don't believe that is true.

1:18:51 Adam All right. It just seems like a lot of work to put stuff in your anus personally. You know what I mean?

1:18:57 Drew To me, it's as an addict, whenever somebody does weird stuff like that.

1:19:00 Adam Yeah. When you can't get high off taking a pill anymore, when you put stuff in your ass, you're addicted. Gay, addict, could be both. Okay. Rose?

1:19:12 Caller Hi.

1:19:12 Adam You're 23.

1:19:13 Caller Yes.

1:19:14 Caller What's up?

1:19:16 Caller Well, I guess my problem is that I am not sexually active at the moment. I don't have a boyfriend and I find myself having phone sex with men. I've had a couple of conversations with a couple of guys I know and I enjoy it and of course, I'm masturbating over the phone and I actually find more pleasure from it from having sex. I was just wondering if this could be a problem.

1:19:47 Adam Wow. Now, here's, let me explain the difference between men and women. Man, when he's addicted to phone sex, he spends about 1,400 bucks a week. How much have you spent currently on phone sex?

1:20:01 Caller On my phone bill?

1:20:02 Adam Yeah.

1:20:02 Drew No, no.

1:20:03 Adam On phone sex.

1:20:04 Caller Oh, phone sex. Well, I do it every day.

1:20:07 Drew How much have you spent?

1:20:08 Adam How much have you spent?

1:20:10 Caller Spent as far as time was.

1:20:12 Drew Money.

1:20:13 Adam Hey, screwball, when people say how much have you spent, they're not talking about calories or time.

1:20:22 Drew The reason she's confused is it's zero.

1:20:24 Adam Have you spent any money on this?

1:20:26 Caller No.

1:20:27 Adam Right. And it doesn't even make sense that you would.

1:20:29 Drew Right, right.

1:20:31 Adam A woman could do 22 hours a week of phone sex and not expect to spend a penny.

1:20:35 Drew A guy?

1:20:36 Adam A guy would be in debt or prison.

1:20:39 Caller Okay, but I mean...

1:20:40 Adam Okay, Russ, thanks for helping us drive that point home. I appreciate that.

1:20:43 Caller I wasn't sure I was confused on time.

1:20:45 Adam I understand. I understand.

1:20:47 Drew No, it's just... Actually, I like the way she responded, which is... Confused. Spanned? What? What are you talking about? Must be talking about time. The guy's like, in the first three hours or the first six weeks?

1:20:58 Adam Right.

1:20:59 Drew Yeah. Which credit card are you talking about? Well, no.

1:21:01 Caller I mean, I don't call phone sex lines.

1:21:04 Adam Right. There's my point. You don't have to.

1:21:07 Caller No, I don't. And you mean...

1:21:08 Adam Okay. Boy, she is thick as a loaf of goddamn bread.

1:21:11 Drew That's hostile.

1:21:12 Adam Oh, is that what that is?

1:21:13 Drew Yeah.

1:21:14 Adam You don't like people or boys or what's up there, Rose?

1:21:17 Caller No, I'm heterosexual. I love men.

1:21:20 Drew No, no, no.

1:21:21 Adam Yeah, but you love them, but you don't like them.

1:21:23 Drew Yes, you're angry.

1:21:25 Adam Yeah.

1:21:25 Drew Why angry guys?

1:21:27 Adam What happened?

1:21:29 Caller No, nothing happened.

1:21:30 Adam Who disappoints?

1:21:31 Drew Why angry guys? What happened recently?

1:21:34 Caller Seriously, why am I angry at men?

1:21:35 Caller Yeah.

1:21:37 Drew Because it pours out of every pore. Okay.

1:21:41 Caller Well, I mean, I've been hurt before.

1:21:43 Adam Where's dad?

1:21:44 Caller My father, he's in the picture.

1:21:47 Adam He is. You like him?

1:21:48 Caller Do I like him?

1:21:50 Sure.

1:21:51 Adam Okay.

1:21:52 Drew She has that repeat every question.

1:21:53 Adam Seriously, do you like your dad? Doesn't sound like you like your dad.

1:21:57 Caller Well, no. He abused me as a girl, as a young child.

1:22:00 Adam All right. Hey, Rose?

1:22:02 Caller Yes.

1:22:02 Adam I'm going to put you on hold for about, you've been on hold for 52 minutes. I'm going to put you on hold for another 10 minutes, all right?

1:22:08 Caller Okay.

1:22:09 Adam I want you to rethink your attitude and your ability to answer these questions, all right?

1:22:13 Caller Sure.

1:22:14 Adam Okay.

1:22:15 Drew Wait, wait. Let's comment here, shall we?

1:22:17 Adam She's angry. She's angry at men and she's angry at us because we have penises.

1:22:23 Drew And we're cracking her defense strategies, her denial.

1:22:25 Adam Yeah. How's your dad?

1:22:27 Drew He's fine. He's in the picture.

1:22:28 Adam No, no. Here's the first thing. Where's your dad? My father?

1:22:34 Drew Where's my dad?

1:22:37 What's my dad doing in Israel?

1:22:40 Adam No, no. My father? Yeah. He's fine.

1:22:42 Drew He's in the picture.

1:22:43 Adam He was abusive. Yeah.

1:22:44 Drew He abused me all my whole childhood.

1:22:46 Adam All right.

1:22:47 Drew But it just is...

1:22:48 Adam Listen. 23. I don't got time to play games for 23. I'll put her on hold for another 10 minutes and we'll get back to her. And I guarantee your attitude will change. Jonathan?

1:22:56 Caller Yeah.

1:22:56 Adam You're 21.

1:22:57 Drew I guarantee it won't. What about that?

1:22:59 Caller Yes. I got a question. When I have sex with my girlfriend and she tells me she has an orgasm, she doesn't have any juices. And I was wondering if I was doing something wrong.

1:23:12 Adam You mean the orgasm doesn't produce any juices?

1:23:15 Caller Yeah.

1:23:15 Adam Yeah. It doesn't always. It doesn't most of the time.

1:23:20 Caller It doesn't most of the time?

1:23:21 Adam Well, when you say juices, what do you mean?

1:23:23 Caller Well, you know, like when a guy has orgasm, of course, it's sperm.

1:23:26 Drew Women don't have that.

1:23:27 Caller Oh, they don't?

1:23:28 Drew Well, some do occasionally, but generally they don't.

1:23:30 Caller They don't? Well, I mean, I've been with her for over a year, and she says she has orgasm, but it's never happened.

1:23:35 Adam No juices?

1:23:36 Caller No.

1:23:36 Adam Oh, boy. You understand, Jonathan, is it differences in the guys and the gals?

1:23:42 Caller Yeah.

1:23:43 Drew They're all the same. See, they're teaching that in school.

1:23:45 Adam Well, I just mean when a guy has an orgasm, something comes out, right?

1:23:49 Caller Yeah.

1:23:50 Adam A girl has an orgasm, sometimes nothing comes out.

1:23:53 Drew Usually.

1:23:53 Adam Usually nothing comes out.

1:23:56 Caller Yeah.

1:23:57 Adam All right there, buddy?

1:23:59 Caller All right.

1:23:59 Adam Is that what you're asking?

1:24:00 Caller Yeah, yeah. It's been over a year and it's, you know.

1:24:03 Drew Jonathan?

1:24:03 Caller Yeah.

1:24:04 Drew Ain't never gonna happen.

1:24:05 Caller Really?

1:24:06 Drew Yeah.

1:24:07 Adam She's having the orgasm, though, and everything's fine.

1:24:10 Caller Yeah, because she told me she gets sensitive between her legs and her breasts, but, you know, I was just wondering if there was something wrong there or not.

1:24:16 What the hell?

1:24:18 Adam Jonathan?

1:24:19 Caller Yeah.

1:24:21 Drew This is the weirdest night of all time.

1:24:22 Adam No. Jonathan, listen to me, buddy. And I just want to make sure we're on the same page here.

1:24:28 Caller Okay.

1:24:30 Adam When women have an orgasm, yeah, you just hear it. You don't see it. There's nothing that comes out. There's no physical manifestation of their orgasm.

1:24:40 Caller Okay.

1:24:41 Adam It's not like when you have an orgasm.

1:24:43 Caller Yeah.

1:24:44 Adam Okay. Once in a blue moon, you run across a woman that actually produces some fluid during the orgasm. That's very rare. Most women, you just have to take their word for it.

1:24:56 Caller Okay.

1:24:57 Adam So if your girlfriend is having an orgasm...

1:24:59 Caller Is she?

1:25:00 Adam Is she? And she says she's having an orgasm?

1:25:03 Caller Yeah.

1:25:05 Adam Yes?

1:25:05 Caller She won't let me touch her after she has one.

1:25:08 Adam Okay. That's good.

1:25:09 Drew That's normal.

1:25:10 Adam That means she ain't faking.

1:25:11 Caller So I'm doing okay.

1:25:12 Drew Yeah. You're fine, Jonathan.

1:25:13 Caller That was okay. Thanks for that, guys.

1:25:15 Adam Hey, don't get her pregnant.

1:25:16 Caller I won't. Not yet.

1:25:18 Adam Give it a while.

1:25:19 Drew Ten years.

1:25:20 Adam Give it a while.

1:25:21 Drew Ten years.

1:25:21 Adam All right. All right.

1:25:23 Drew Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

1:25:25 Adam Oh, boy. Hey, I've always said we have the world's dumbest callers on this show. And if any other talk show host wants to pit his callers up against mine, I'll gladly take them on. A $10,000 bet. I guarantee that our callers will score lower on any test, any standard form of testing than any other talk show in America. I challenge my caller. And I don't care if you're from Baton Rouge, Louisiana and you do a fishing show. I will take you on. I don't care if the name of your goddamn show is Big Daddy Crawfish's Trap an Hour. I'll take you on. Bring it on. That's what I say. I have a lot of pride and a lot of faith in our listeners. And I know they're, if not amongst the dumbest, the dumbest.

1:26:13 Drew Well, it's not just, it's not our listeners. Let's be fair. It's our callers.

1:26:16 Adam No, I look at callers as just a subset of our listeners. But a sample. It's like you take a graham cracker and you break the corner off. Those are the callers and the rest of the cracker are the listeners. Doesn't matter where you get that corner though. You still get the same cracker.

1:26:33 Drew I bet Rose isn't even there anymore.

1:26:34 Adam Rose?

1:26:35 Caller Yeah.

1:26:35 Drew Oh, she's not.

1:26:36 Adam Okay, now you're 23.

1:26:37 Caller Yes.

1:26:38 Adam Okay, so let's be truthful here for a moment and get to the bottom of this mess.

1:26:42 Caller Okay.

1:26:42 Adam All right, so your dad was physically abusive.

1:26:45 Drew And sexually abusive?

1:26:46 Caller No, no sexual abuse.

1:26:48 Adam Just physically abusive.

1:26:50 Caller More emotionally than physically.

1:26:51 Drew And were you raped at one point?

1:26:53 Caller No.

1:26:54 Drew Never raped.

1:26:55 Caller I mean, I was attacked but not raped.

1:26:58 Adam Attacked with an intent to rape?

1:27:00 Caller I'm sure it was.

1:27:02 Adam What happened?

1:27:03 Caller Well, I was at a fraternity party and everybody was drinking and somebody put something in my drink. And luckily, before the act of rape happened, somebody walked in. I mean, I was pretty much passed out. So it got me out of the situation. Okay.

1:27:21 Drew I magically knew that was in her history, too.

1:27:23 Caller I'm sorry?

1:27:24 Adam All right. Well, that doesn't mean nothing happened, at least.

1:27:27 Drew But she fits a profile, though.

1:27:28 Adam Okay. All right. So now you're off man and you're on to phone sex.

1:27:33 Caller Yes.

1:27:34 Adam And who are you doing this with? Your friends?

1:27:36 Caller No. Actually, I've done it with quite a few men from online.

1:27:41 Adam Oh, really?

1:27:42 Caller Yeah.

1:27:42 Adam Sure. They're all into it. And what do you do when you do it? You just start getting into it? Yeah.

1:27:49 Caller We have basic conversation and kind of start saying, well, what are you doing? What are you wearing?

1:27:56 Adam And do you want to know what the guy looks like or does it matter?

1:27:58 Caller You know what? What attracts me? I mean, obviously it's the voice, but I really don't care. I mean, the guy could be 500 pounds for all I know. And it gets me off.

1:28:08 Adam Yeah. What do you think of my nasally drone? Did it turn you on at all?

1:28:14 Caller I don't know.

1:28:15 Caller Maybe.

1:28:16 Adam All right. Even I'm not going to do it. Jesus Christ.

1:28:20 Drew Look. So is there alcoholism in your family also?

1:28:22 Caller Yes.

1:28:23 Drew OK. So you may really truly be becoming addicted.

1:28:26 Caller No. I am.

1:28:27 Drew Yeah. You've got sort of the requisite history of abuse.

1:28:30 Caller Right.

1:28:31 Drew And if you add in the biology of alcoholism, then you get sex addiction very often.

1:28:36 Caller Right. But I mean, as far as masturbation, I mean, I must masturbate about five times a day.

1:28:41 Drew Yeah. I see.

1:28:42 Caller I mean, is that unhealthy?

1:28:44 Drew Well, it's not unhealthy, but it's again part of an addictive process. And it's psychologically unhealthy.

1:28:49 Caller I see.

1:28:50 Drew And this is a part of a, were you addicted to something else at one time, a drug?

1:28:54 Caller No. I mean, I was depressed for quite a while. I mean, I've been in therapy for the last 12 years.

1:29:00 Drew And you were never addicted to any drugs?

1:29:02 Caller No. I mean, it was just a basic, you know, experimental stage.

1:29:05 Adam Who, okay. I'll just take a word for it. When, hey, Rose, when you're doing this masturbation in the phone sex, you're masturbating, right?

1:29:16 Caller Right.

1:29:17 Adam Who gets off first, usually?

1:29:19 Caller Um, I do.

1:29:20 Adam Oh, you do?

1:29:21 Caller Yeah.

1:29:21 Adam And then you keep going?

1:29:23 Caller And I keep going.

1:29:23 Adam For the guy?

1:29:24 Caller For the guy.

1:29:25 Adam Yeah, God bless you. Because, you know, the guy gets off first. He's like, you know, he goes from like, baby, I'm going to love you all night. Oh, yeah, I got a good for you, man.

1:29:39 Caller I am, I'm hard, man.

1:29:41 Adam I'm like Mount Rushmore, man. I'm that hard, man. I'm like Blue Steel. It's later. Yeah, no, he'd probably try to stumble through a few more minutes. I put my hand on your parts. I'm rubbing your, squeezing your boob. Huh? That's the TV. I bet your ass is tired or something, right? Okay. Listen, I'm getting hungry. Are you? I'd just love to hear the change in the voice. Women, God bless them, they can keep going with that. They can still be in it. That's why Guy, for Guy, after the orgasm, it's equivalent to being hungry and then eating a big meal. And it's like, yeah, you know you're going to eat again. It just ain't now. And as a matter of fact, if someone puts a big plate of pasta in front of you, it's like, you don't even run it. And if someone starts bringing up food, or like, hey, we just finished off a rack of ribs, where are we going to eat tomorrow? To ask me tomorrow. Women are still kind of, they're kind of there still. They can start to hang with it a little.

1:30:54 Drew Rose needs to check out SA though, because I believe she probably was addicted to something else. Whatever she's calling experimentation may well have been an addictive process and now that sex has taken over and she's got all the history there that needs to be dealt with.

1:31:06 Adam I'd like a dollar from you because I think her attitude changed a little there. She was much more approachable. See, when I discipline the callers, how they respond?

1:31:15 Drew I thought this one would respond.

1:31:16 Adam Wait till I get a pet or a kid. I'm really going to make a great master. Hey, quick question, Drew. When you have a pet, you're a master, right? When you have a kid, still master, right?

1:31:26 Drew Yeah.

1:31:27 Adam Same thing? Yeah. Okay. All right, we'll take a break.

1:31:35 Caller Loveline will be right back. Hey, there, hi, there, ho, there, you're welcome, as can be.

1:32:11 Adam I'm Ace Rockolla, that's my partner, Dr. Drew, and you've just entered the lightning round. Name of the show is Loveline. Let me give a quick shout out on the time. It's 1149. That's 11 minutes from the top of the hour straight up. I'm Ace Rockolla, that's my partner, Dr. Drew, and he is hot, hot, hot.

1:32:28 Caller We're going right back to the phone.

1:32:30 Adam We're going to answer your love problems, and we'll start by starting at the top. Number one, we'll speak to Michelle. Michelle's 19 years old. She gave her first cousin oral sex. Is this considered incest? Doc, what do you think?

1:32:43 Drew Michelle?

1:32:44 Caller Hello? Hi.

1:32:45 Adam Uh-huh. You're right smack dab in the middle of the lightning round, Michelle. Let me give the time out.

1:32:50 Caller It's 1149 and 33 seconds.

1:32:54 Adam That's 27 seconds and 10 minutes away from the top of the hour straight up.

1:32:58 Caller 12 o'clock the witchy hour.

1:32:59 Adam You're listening to Loveline. I'm Ace Rockolla. Dr. Drew, he's hot, hot, hot. So, Michelle?

1:33:04 Caller This is a real problem.

1:33:05 Adam You gave a hummer to your cousin?

1:33:07 Drew Yeah.

1:33:07 Caller Is that like a bad thing to do?

1:33:10 Drew It's not a good thing to do.

1:33:11 Adam No, it's not a great thing.

1:33:12 Caller Why not? I know people that like Mary their first girl.

1:33:14 Adam All right. Is he a man?

1:33:16 Caller Yeah.

1:33:18 Adam Okay. All right. You're going to do it again?

1:33:21 Caller I might. I kind of like him.

1:33:23 Adam All right. Good. Get married and have yourself a nice mongoloid child. Hey, everybody. It's a theme from Taboo 2.

1:33:30 Drew It's going to make for some awkward. It's not going to work out.

1:33:32 Adam That's my partner, Dr. Drew. You're right in the middle of the lightning round.

1:33:33 Drew It's not going to work out. It's going to make for some awkward family gathers going forward.

1:33:37 Adam All right. Let me give the timeout. It's 11.50 and 25 seconds straight up. That's nine minutes and 35 seconds away from the top of the hour. Let's hop back on the phones, right? Smack dab in the middle of the lightning round. Sam?

1:33:50 Drew Yeah.

1:33:51 Adam Sam, your girlfriend said she's not attracted to you anymore, but still makes out with you.

1:33:58 Drew Yeah.

1:33:58 Adam Well, that's mighty neighborly of her.

1:34:00 Caller You got to break up with her.

1:34:03 Adam Sam?

1:34:04 Drew Preserve your dignity.

1:34:05 Adam Break up with her buddy. She's not physically attracted to you anymore. You know what I'm saying about it?

1:34:08 Drew When a girl says she's not physically attracted, she means she's not in the relationship.

1:34:11 Adam That's right. All right. Let's take another call. Before we hop on the phones, let me just give the timeout. It's 11.51 straight up. That is nine minutes away from the top of the hour. I'm Ace Rockolla. It's my partner, Dr. Drew. You're listening to Loveline, right smack dab in the middle.

1:34:27 Drew Is traffic and weather coming?

1:34:28 Adam Of the lightning wrath. Yes.

1:34:32 Drew Sean.

1:34:32 Adam Sean. Yeah. You're 16 years old. You got a 15-year-old girlfriend. She's preggo's. Yeah. You got a prego. Didn't you? Yeah. I knew you could do it. Your doctor said she can't have an abortion. Yeah.

1:34:46 Caller How pregnant is she?

1:34:47 Caller She's about two and a half months.

1:34:49 Caller Oh, my God.

1:34:51 Drew Why did the doctor say she couldn't get an abortion?

1:34:53 Caller I'm not sure. We went to the doctor the other day, and she was really depressed.

1:34:58 Caller When she came out, she said to me, she's in the doctor, so I can't have an abortion. And I said, why? And he said, because something like she's allergic to what they do or something.

1:35:06 Drew Oh, boy. She's not telling you the truth.

1:35:09 Adam She's allergic to a vacuum cleaner, Sean? Come on. I don't know. That's what she told me. Maybe she has a mite allergy. You know what I'm saying?

1:35:16 Drew There's something missing in their story, okay?

1:35:19 Adam Hey, Seanny? Yeah? Yeah, this is what happens when we don't use protection, right, partner?

1:35:23 Caller No, I did. The condom broke.

1:35:25 Drew Morning after pill. Why didn't you go get the prevent?

1:35:27 Adam Oh, we can't live in the past, can we, Dr. Drew? That's Dr. Drew. He is hot, hot, hot. Sean?

1:35:32 Drew Yeah?

1:35:32 Adam She's gonna have to give this youngin up for adoption. Am I right?

1:35:36 Caller Definitely.

1:35:36 Adam All right, Sean. That's all he can do. Yeah.

1:35:39 Caller All right.

1:35:40 Adam Well, he could look into abortion two and a half months, not too late, is it, Doc? Nope. Okay. Let me give it a time. It's 1152 and 30 seconds. That's seven minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the hour. I'm Ace Rockolla. As my partner, Dr. Drew Smacked Ab in the middle of the lightning round. James?

1:35:58 Yeah?

1:35:58 Adam You're 16 years old.

1:36:00 Caller Yeah.

1:36:00 Adam You think you have a split personality?

1:36:03 Caller Yeah.

1:36:03 Adam You want to know if it's possible to know if you're crazy or not?

1:36:07 Caller Yeah.

1:36:07 Adam I'm going with yeah. Hey, Drew.

1:36:09 Drew Yeah?

1:36:10 Adam I have a split personality. I have two personalities.

1:36:13 Drew Ace Rockolla and?

1:36:14 Adam No. Just one. The other one only comes out when I'm asleep. I don't bother with it. It doesn't cause me any trouble.

1:36:21 Drew That's good.

1:36:22 Adam James?

1:36:22 Drew James, what makes you believe you're crazy?

1:36:24 Caller Because like today, my mom told me to go and rake some leaves up. I was raking them up. All of a sudden, I just got really mad and I just broke the rake. Then I look back, I was like, why did I break that rake? That happens a lot. It's like I do stuff. Then I think back, I'm like, why did I do that?

1:36:43 Drew Always around rage and anger? Always around rage and anger?

1:36:47 Caller Yeah.

1:36:47 Drew Well, that's not a split personality. That's rage. Yeah. Something's brewing there that's left over that occasionally surfaces, but it's not a split personality. A split personality is where you dissociate. You don't remember where you were, what you've done. Right. Some other personality takes over.

1:37:02 Adam James, you got to deal with this problem before you hurt somebody and end up in prison.

1:37:05 Drew Yeah.

1:37:06 Adam Am I right?

1:37:06 Drew That's true.

1:37:07 Adam All right. What time is it, Drew?

1:37:09 Drew Time for break.

1:37:09 Adam It's 1153 and 55 seconds. That is six minutes and five seconds away from 12 o'clock, the witching hour. 12 o'clock straight up. I'm Ace Rockolla, my partner, Dr. Drew. He is hot, hot, hot smack dab in the middle of the lightning round. We're going to take ourselves a little break. You kiddies stay where you are and we'll be back with more of the fabulous show just after this.

1:37:32 Drew Love line, with Adam Crowell and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back before you know it. Here we go.

1:38:11 Adam All right, that is it. Drew's ready to go home.

1:38:13 Drew I'm ready.

1:38:14 Adam Okay, tomorrow night, we'll have someone from somewhere else.

1:38:19 Drew Farm club, farm club.

1:38:21 Adam Okay, that doesn't mean anything to anybody. Matt Pinfield will be in here, you remember, from MTV, and we'll talk to him, and he's on that show. So, until next time, this is Adam Crowell for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo. My ass is still sore from my last boyfriend. Well, now.

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Tuesday, February 1, 2000