Episode 1000754887563

1:25 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:28 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:32 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:34 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:36 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:39 Voiceover Loveline.

1:40 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Sorry I missed you kitties last night.

1:55 Drew Yeah, what happened?

1:56 Adam I came down with a little touch of flu or something.

1:59 Drew Whatever. I have one curious question. Do you know what time you called last night?

2:05 Adam Yeah, I called about two minutes.

2:07 Drew Ten seconds.

2:08 Adam No, not ten seconds.

2:10 Drew Fifteen seconds.

2:11 Adam Fifteen?

2:12 Drew The music was playing.

2:13 Adam Was it?

2:13 Drew Yes.

2:13 Adam No, my clock's wrong. I thought I gave you a full minute and a half to two minutes.

2:18 Drew Asshole.

2:19 Adam Yeah, but Drew, you're so seasoned, brother.

2:21 Drew I know. It was no problem.

2:22 Adam You can handle it. You and the porn star, I'm sure it went great.

2:25 Drew Beautiful.

2:26 Adam I thought about listening for a second.

2:28 Drew No. Why would you waste your time with that?

2:31 Adam Are you kidding? Listen, me listening to this goddamn show would be like you going back to the pizza hut you worked at for 10 years to eat lunch. You know what I mean?

2:41 Drew We had a spate of the dumbest, it's too drug drug, but the most difficult.

2:47 Adam You can use retard.

2:48 Drew Retard, yeah.

2:49 Adam All right, so Drew, I feel fine now for some reason and Drew's the one that doesn't feel that great, but that's all right. He's better than all of you on half a tank. Right, Drew?

2:58 Drew Enjoy.

2:58 Adam All right.

2:59 Drew Enjoy, enjoy.

3:00 Adam Zack Ward is our guest tonight. He's from Titus. Monday night's 8.30 on Fox. He plays Dave, the lead character Titus's, Chris Titus's younger brother. And this show's getting a lot of buzz.

3:14 Zack Ward Yeah.

3:15 Adam It's nice.

3:17 Zack Ward Yeah, I'm really excited about it. I'm not used to speaking into a mic, so I'm sort of like waiting to you guys look at me to bark like a dog.

3:23 Adam Oh, to like cue you.

3:24 Zack Ward Yeah, it's the RCA mutt over here.

3:26 Adam Just speak all you like. Don't wait for us.

3:29 Drew But don't step on Adam.

3:31 Adam Yeah, never.

3:31 Drew Just pay respects when you're speaking.

3:33 Zack Ward He'll cut me.

3:34 Adam Mr. Corolla is the way I like to be referred to. Titus was filmed on the lot that the Man Show was filmed on.

3:42 Drew Yeah, Loveline.

3:44 Adam Right next door to you guys. Yeah, and I didn't know what was going on over there, and I don't think I found out until it was all over with.

3:51 Zack Ward And also with Shasta McNasty.

3:53 Adam Oh, yeah.

3:54 Zack Ward But I don't really brag about that one too much.

3:56 Adam What, how many episodes did you guys shoot?

3:58 Zack Ward We shot six. After the pilot, we got picked up for six. And then we became so beloved by Sandy Grouchard that as the network president, that we did another two out of his pocket. God bless him. And then now we just got picked up for 13.

4:13 Adam Oh, that's great.

4:13 Zack Ward So daddy's got a job.

4:15 Adam Oh, that's nice.

4:16 Zack Ward Taco Bell from everybody.

4:17 Adam Yeah, because the show, let's see, Monday was what? It's like a sixth or seventh episode?

4:25 Zack Ward Yeah, I think Monday was the sixth episode. We had one repeat so we could push enough fresh episodes to compete in May sweeps.

4:33 Adam Oh, yeah.

4:34 Zack Ward Yeah, that's why they put How to Be a Millionaire Celebrity style up against us. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

4:41 Adam Yeah, I saw some of that show and as it turns out, the other celebrities, they yell the answers out. So it's not that big a deal. No, I mean, what they do, I swear to God, I had it on the other night, not when Titus was on.

4:53 Zack Ward Of course not.

4:54 Adam It must have been Tuesday night. Actually, it may have been last night. May have been what made me ill, Drew. Never thought about that. But I don't know who's up there. Rosie's up there or some other hack is up there, and they're getting the questions and they ask them, like, I don't know, what's in creme brulee? And he starts saying something, all of a sudden, B, and you hear Emerald from Cooking with Emerald, like go, ahem, ahem, ahem, ahem, ahem, ahem, ahem, for the corn. And then they like look at Emerald and it's like, he's shaking his head. And it's like, D, ahem, oh, A. And he's like nodding his head. And they're like, A, final answer, Emerald, yeah, A. So, it's not, you know, it's sort of done by committee. But then when they get into the tougher ones, like the rivers that no one's heard of, they're all lost anyway, so.

5:45 Zack Ward Or who's in charge of the Falklands? For Rosie, that was a big one.

5:49 Adam Right, yeah. Yeah, you shouldn't, oh well, that wasn't on Titus Night, so that's all right.

5:54 Zack Ward Well, yeah.

5:55 Adam All right. What other projects besides Titus you want to talk about?

5:59 Zack Ward What am I pitching? Stillwater, the new Cameron Crowe movie coming out sometime this summer or the early fall.

6:05 Adam And what's that about?

6:06 Zack Ward That's about rock and roll in the 70s. Billy Crudup's in it and Jason Lee and Kate Hudson and Joanne Pacwa.

6:15 Adam And what's your?

6:18 Zack Ward I play the lead roadie of the Almond Brothers Band, which was honestly, I go in for this audition and they go good, very good. I want you to do a Macon County, Georgian accent. So I don't know.

6:29 Adam Well, you're from Cannes and no problem.

6:31 Zack Ward Yeah, exactly. It's down the street. So I had no idea how to do it. So I started hunting around and usually you go like a Samuel French and you try and find different tapes on this stuff where you go over to.

6:39 Adam Hold on for those of you who are not from the LA area, that's a bookstore where gay people hang out.

6:44 Zack Ward No, not yet that and also people who are more artistic like actors.

6:48 Adam Well, that's what I meant when I said gay.

6:50 Zack Ward But so I didn't know how to do it. I called 411 down in Macon County, Georgia and I ended up getting hooked up with a drama teacher from the university and I had the students in her drama class say my line.

7:02 Adam This is for the audition?

7:03 Zack Ward Yeah.

7:03 Adam Oh, this is why I don't get anything.

7:05 Zack Ward Right.

7:06 Drew People do for auditions.

7:07 Adam You have to like read something.

7:08 Drew You have to try to get the job.

7:10 Adam You mean you don't just show up and start insulting the casting director?

7:14 Zack Ward Not anymore. It's not the 70s, man.

7:16 Drew Adam still does that, though.

7:18 Adam Wow.

7:19 Zack Ward He dug it, and he was really cool. Cameron Crowe is really, really cool.

7:22 Adam He makes great movies, too.

7:25 Zack Ward This one is really... We were working beside Peter Frampton the whole time.

7:28 Adam These aren't going to be fictional bands? These are bands you've heard of from the 70s?

7:34 Zack Ward Some of them are fictional. Some of them you've heard of them. Also, they actually gave the music, the real music to be used, bands that have never let the music been used before. But because they knew Cameron Crowe when he was a kid, he actually traveled around, and this is his true story, that they hooked up with him and they said he could have the rights to do it. So we had some cool cats on set.

7:53 Adam And Cameron Crowe was actually a roadie?

7:57 Zack Ward Cameron Crowe was like a child prodigy genius. He just started writing at a really early age, and he went over to the editor of Cream Magazine, and he said that, well, that was a big rock and roll magazine back in the 70s. And he said, yeah, I'm 18 years old. And he was really 15, and he went on tour. Now, I'm actually, I can't talk much more about it because I signed a contract. They will kill me.

8:21 Adam Fair enough.

8:22 Zack Ward But it's cool.

8:23 Adam That's coming out?

8:24 Zack Ward Sometime this summer or early fall. Some, yeah, big blastbusters.

8:29 Adam And of course, Titus out, Monday nights, 830 on Fox.

8:33 Zack Ward On Fox.

8:33 Adam We'll go to the phones. Dr. Drew, tilt the screen. Which one? Peter. Peter. Oh, boy. Caller goes by the name of Peter.

8:42 Drew The guy who was the snorer called in last night.

8:45 Adam Oh, he did?

8:45 Drew Yeah.

8:46 Adam Now, what do you have to say?

8:47 Drew Nothing.

8:47 Adam Okay. Peter. All right. We're moving on, buddy. Oops. That's fine. Let's see. Sorry. Megan.

8:55 Hi.

8:55 Adam You're 17. What's up?

8:57 Caller Last month, I skipped my period and I didn't get it. And I still haven't gotten it. And I've taken three different pregnancies and tests and they've all came out negative.

9:06 Drew How long has it been?

9:07 Caller All months, last month.

9:08 Drew You missed a period for a month?

9:10 Caller Yeah.

9:10 Drew Are you on the pill or anything?

9:11 Caller Nope.

9:12 Drew Any medication?

9:13 Caller Nope.

9:13 Drew Any stress?

9:15 Caller No.

9:15 Drew Any other medical problems?

9:17 Caller None.

9:17 Drew Have you lost a bunch of weight? Are you really active physically?

9:20 Caller No. Everything is just the same.

9:22 Adam Well, except for all the screwing, right?

9:25 Caller No comment.

9:25 Adam Uh-huh. So you're having unprotected sex, though, right?

9:29 Caller No. We've been using condoms.

9:31 Adam All right. Well, maybe one of the periods got trapped in the condom. Is that possible, Drew?

9:35 Drew Pushed back in by the condom.

9:36 Adam Yes.

9:37 Drew Yeah. It happens. Look, it's not uncomfortable for women to miss a period here and there and have an irregular abnormal period. Are you normally very regular?

9:46 Caller Yeah. I usually get it prior to the 27th, and so I didn't freak out very much until the very last day of the month.

9:53 Drew I still wouldn't freak out. It's not a big deal. I think it's worthwhile checking pregnancy tests. I would keep monitoring at least once a week for the next couple of weeks but it could be anything. Stress, ovarian cysts, lots of different things.

10:06 Adam Hey, Megan? Yeah. My birthday is on the 27th of this month, so when you start sloughing off material from the inside of your uterus and it comes out your vagina, We'll think of you. I want you to think of me, all right?

10:19 Caller All right. Happy birthday.

10:20 Adam Yeah.

10:21 Caller All right.

10:22 Adam Yeah. Use that to work my name onto some sort of muffin or something and send it out to the studio.

10:28 Drew I used to call you a slacker, but now I'm going to call you a sluffer.

10:32 Adam Did I get the period thing right, the sluff off the material and the uterus?

10:35 Drew Yeah.

10:36 Adam Jesus Christ, I'm this close to being a gynecologist. I really think I could fake my way through a pap smear at this stage. I really think if- What goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina. Yeah, it's one of my songs my grandfather used to sing to me. Ben?

10:54 Yes.

10:55 Adam You're 22?

10:56 Caller Yes.

10:57 Adam You're on with Zack Ward from Titus.

10:58 Caller How's it going, guys?

11:00 Zack Ward Good, man. How are you doing?

11:01 Caller Real good. My question is, I heard on the radio the other day about these vaccines that supposedly are going to help fight addiction. I want to know what's up with that.

11:13 Drew I have read very brief reviews about this stuff, and if I remember right, they are vaccines directed at the receptors in the brain that are responsible for the reward activation caused, or that's sort of responsible for the addictive process. Yeah, these things may be helpful.

11:29 Adam Well, when do you get them? Before you become an addict?

11:31 Drew Well, you can't. I've only read some very, very cursory information about it, just that people are working on things like this.

11:38 Adam But would the plan ultimately be to sort of nip it in the bud?

11:41 Drew Yeah, to get it before you have that conditioning of the reward system, yeah.

11:46 Adam So based on family history, let's say?

11:50 Drew And you have to, they're actually going to be tests soon, not, man, soon enough that we'll be able to tell you whether you have the gene for addiction.

11:57 Adam Oh, really?

11:58 Drew Really. Yeah.

11:59 Zack Ward That's trippy.

11:59 Drew Yeah.

12:00 Adam Wow. And if you have that-

12:03 Drew There are platelet surface receptors that are, interestingly enough, very similar receptors that are in the reward system of the brain that are unique in addict systems.

12:13 Adam So if you find that, then you get the vaccination.

12:16 Drew Yeah.

12:16 Adam And then you can drink like a fish. Mm-hm. That sounds like the plan, right?

12:21 Zack Ward Because then you never really have a problem. You can handle it.

12:24 Drew I would think the vaccine therapies are a long way off. Long way off.

12:28 Adam Jim? Yes. Well, listen, I don't want it to come around too fast. I like the drunks and the druggies and the heroin addicts and all that. Really, it's keeping- First off, you're going to slit your throat, Drew. You're going to be out of work if these things come around. I won't have people to make fun of. I mean, really think about it. Jim, what's going on?

12:48 Not much. How are you doing, Dr. Drew and Adam?

12:50 Drew Jim, go to it.

12:52 Good. I'm 24 years old and I'm not dating anyone. I never have dated anyone. I'm wondering if there's a problem with me, if I need to seek some help because I'm not really even interested in dating anyone anymore. Quite a few of my friends have guessed me for gay already, so I'm getting a little bit worried.

13:11 Drew Something happened to you to turn you off dating?

13:16 A little bit.

13:17 Drew What happened?

13:18 I was kind of in love with this one girl, you know, whole soppy love story.

13:23 Drew When was this?

13:24 A friend of mine.

13:25 Drew When was this?

13:26 Caller Oh, when was this?

13:27 When I was 18.

13:28 Adam 67.

13:28 Caller Six years ago.

13:30 Drew Six years ago.

13:30 Adam She never was interested in you?

13:33 No, she was. She was and she ended up having an affair with our boss.

13:38 Adam Yeah, but you guys never had a relationship, did you?

13:41 Caller Not outside of friends.

13:42 I never was able to go to that.

13:43 Adam Oh boy. See, I knew, no, I know what guys who have never had a date can make of almost nothing. They build a sand castle into a skyscraper. I mean, now if you asked her, she'd be like, who? Jim, remember that guy you work with at the Arby's? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's nice. He had a crush on you? No. Why? I was boffing the manager. I wanted to move up the buns. Jim, you never had anything with her. This is a fantasy of yours.

14:21 It's all done with. We're best friends.

14:22 Adam Well, of course, it was done with because it never started though.

14:26 Right, right, exactly.

14:27 Adam All right. Now, here's the question. She wasn't cheating on you or having an affair on you with the manager because you never were anything, you never made a move.

14:38 Caller That just totally turned me off to her.

14:39 Drew Oh, Andy, can't hear you.

14:41 Zack Ward And you're still friends.

14:42 Drew No, hold on. He's not hearing Adam at all.

14:45 Adam Andy's like, hang out with the girl, adore her, but don't make a move. Four years goes by, she gets in another relationship.

14:53 Drew And he forgives her.

14:54 Adam You whore.

14:55 Drew No, he forgives her. That's no big deal. But it turns me off to dating entirely. All women are their mess.

15:01 Caller And the question is not actually about her. It's more about my life. I'm a little bit worried if I need to go seek help.

15:12 Drew Yes. The answer is yes. Yes.

15:14 Adam Maybe two people.

15:15 Drew Yes. Your thinking is kind of awful a bit here.

15:19 Caller Yeah, I know.

15:21 Adam Now, how's your thinking in the rest of your life? You know what I mean? Here's what's going on, Jim. No matter how old you are chronologically, if you don't have any dates and you've never been with a woman and you don't have relationships, your penis is still 12. That's what I'm saying, not 12 inches.

15:41 Drew Six.

15:42 Caller Oh, wow.

15:42 Adam Yeah, whereas mine is like four and three-quarters.

15:44 Drew Yeah.

15:46 Adam The point is, you have not moved along in that area, and so it's like we're talking to a very young person. But in the rest of your life, work, relationships with your friends, family and that kind of stuff, how are you doing?

16:01 Caller It was doing very well until the beginning of this year. I had a very nice job. I quit that. I totaled two of my cars.

16:10 Caller I got arrested.

16:13 Caller Just downhill from the beginning of the year.

16:16 Adam Now, are you driving both of them at once, or was this on separate evenings?

16:19 Caller Separate evenings.

16:20 Adam I see. And why did you quit the world's best job?

16:23 Caller It was killing me. The hours.

16:26 It was on call.

16:27 Adam Great job. That killed you?

16:29 Drew How many hours a day did you work?

16:31 What's that?

16:31 Drew How many hours a day did you work?

16:33 Caller Anywhere from 12 to 16.

16:37 Adam Every day.

16:38 Caller And I had one day off.

16:39 Adam How can you be on call for 75 hours a week?

16:44 Caller That's why I quit.

16:45 Drew What kind of work was it?

16:46 Adam Well, hold on. Let me say something. Jim, after the first year of working 15 hours every day, just assume on Tuesday, 15. It's not like you're heading for the beach with your woodies all packed up and the longboard hanging out the back and the beeper starts going off.

17:04 Caller Yeah. Yeah. I work for the railroad.

17:07 Zack Ward Oh, the railroad. That'll drive you crazy.

17:09 Adam Yeah. All right. Hold on. Yeah. See, Jim is a nice guy.

17:15 Zack Ward Maybe too nice.

17:16 Adam But and maybe too nice. But he has trouble sort of connecting the dots. You know what I'm saying?

17:22 Zack Ward There's a romanticizing the whole relationship and then not progressing on from it and you have no reality to grasp.

17:30 Drew That last statement pervades his life.

17:33 Adam Hey, Jim, you got to get into reality just a little bit more here.

17:36 Caller Do a reality check.

17:37 Adam Yeah.

17:38 Caller Okay. I've lost interest in dating.

17:40 Adam Well, okay, fine. Well, how about a little therapy, read a couple of books, take a few walks?

17:45 Caller Well, I had sex about two months ago and I thought that would help and it hasn't.

17:50 Adam Right.

17:51 Drew You need a relationship, you really do. But you're depressed and you've got all kinds of other weird, I don't know, what is going on in your head insofar as it pertains to who you are in relationships. There's a lot going on there.

18:02 Caller I've never had a relationship.

18:04 Drew We hear that. There's a reason for that.

18:06 Adam Did you pay someone to have sex with you?

18:07 Caller No.

18:08 Adam Really?

18:09 Caller Yeah. It was a one night stand type deal.

18:11 Zack Ward You know what's really good is backpacking. There's a backpack through Europe. You meet lots of people. You're too busy to get depressed. You make relationships because they're the only people to talk to you because you don't speak the damn language. So you know you sort of Carpe Diem on the road.

18:24 Adam They're all horny over there too.

18:25 Zack Ward Oh cool.

18:26 Adam Yeah. They have a very relaxed moral system.

18:28 Zack Ward Compared to how much it's going to cost to go see a psychologist. It might actually pay off.

18:32 Adam Well listen I'd like to strike a compromise. Why don't you and a psychologist backpack to like Idaho or someplace local. I think that'd be a good idea.

18:42 Zack Ward Potato tour.

18:43 Adam All right Jim talk to a therapist and leave yourself open. I think you'll be fine.

18:47 Caller Okay.

18:48 Adam All right and who did you get to have sex with? Just some strange husky chick?

18:51 Caller No it was kind of cool.

18:53 Caller She was really cool about it. She bought the hotel room. She's a girl I have known from a bar for quite a while.

18:59 Adam She must have just grabbed you by the scruff of the nads and dragged you kicking and screaming into that motel.

19:05 Caller It was horrible but you know what I had problems with sex so.

19:10 Adam Just because it's going to be fun for me on the drive home. How old the gal was this?

19:18 Caller She was 22.

19:20 Adam And what was wrong with her physically? Come on.

19:25 Caller She had a flat butt but that was about it.

19:27 Adam And why didn't she pursue her? Why not another evening with her?

19:34 Caller She seemed a little bit too easy maybe. Is that the word?

19:39 Adam I see. All right. So you don't you don't respect any woman who drag you to the sack right?

19:44 Caller Well not a relationship type.

19:45 Adam I see. Okay. But what about another what about a little booty call?

19:49 Caller Booty call.

19:49 Adam Keep the confidence up.

19:52 Caller It's not that that's not what I couldn't keep up that night though.

19:54 Adam Oh Jim. Jim, you got to hit the therapist. All right.

19:59 Caller Yeah. Do I have do you feel that I have too much stress or what?

20:03 Drew Are you doing drugs or alcohol?

20:04 Caller No.

20:05 Caller I drink a little bit but it's not.

20:08 Drew There's something going on psychiatrically. I'm sorry to say.

20:11 Adam Well you know but he sounds pretty functional.

20:14 Drew Yeah functional nice but there's something going on.

20:17 Adam Yeah but let me tell you let me pay Jim.

20:18 Drew Maybe it should be depression but it's something.

20:20 Adam Let me pay Jim a compliment. He's my kind of crazy. You know what I mean? I've told Drew a few times. I long for the old days where crazy people just thought they were Napoleon. Right. Instead of homicidal maniacs who are like abducting children and raping them and putting duct tape over their orifices and things like that. Now that's the kind of crazy we had before. Everyone thought they were Napoleon and guys chased around with these big butterfly nets. That's the kind of crazy I like in Jim.

20:49 Drew In straight jackets.

20:50 Adam In straight jackets. And Jim is like a throwback.

20:53 Zack Ward He probably has a bowler derby to go with that.

20:56 Adam He's kind of screwed up but in a sort of friendly way. I like that. I'm not sure if I want him to get better. Alex?

21:05 Yes.

21:06 Adam You're 23.

21:07 Caller That's correct.

21:08 Adam What's up?

21:09 Caller Well, I've been experiencing rectal bleeding for a while now.

21:13 Drew You get it checked out.

21:14 Caller Well, what could it be caused by hemorrhoids or?

21:18 Drew It probably is but it could be polyp, could be tumor, could be colitis, could be arteriovenous malformations, could be a lot of things but you're not going to know until somebody looks.

21:28 Caller Do I just go to my regular physician? Yep.

21:30 Drew They will do an endoscopy.

21:32 Adam No.

21:32 Drew You will have that. Endoscopy.

21:35 Caller Okay. See it's not like bleeding like when you cut yourself. It's basically when I wipe it's traces of blood.

21:41 Drew It's almost undoubtedly hemorrhoid and your young guy and your doctor may want to just treat that and not do the endoscopy. But really in my policy is you look because you can never tell for sure with those things.

21:50 Zack Ward Do you drink a lot of coffee?

21:52 Caller I do.

21:53 Zack Ward You do?

21:53 Caller Yeah.

21:54 Zack Ward Cut down the coffee, drink a lot of water, that'll help your system. Check it out. Really? Swear to God, dude.

21:59 Swear to God.

22:01 Zack Ward If you drink a lot of coffee, now this comes from a buddy back in my hometown who's a homeopath and all this stuff. Drink a lot of coffee, sort of settles down there, creates pressure in the hemorrhoids. Also, if you're working out and you're straining, you work out?

22:13 Drew Yeah, but the problem is we don't know these are hemorrhoids.

22:15 Zack Ward No, you're right. But he should go, but he should also stop drinking coffee. I mean, cut down from like one cup a day and drink a ton of water and you'll probably notice it gets a lot easier for you. Because also, coffee dehydrates you so that you have to push harder when you go to the bathroom. And then if you do have hemorrhoids, you're cutting yourself every time.

22:33 Adam Yeah, I drink a ton of coffee myself, but I'm just a crap machine.

22:37 Drew Well, now you got your new...

22:39 Zack Ward You're just born lucky.

22:40 Drew Dual stool.

22:41 Adam Never have any difficulty. Yeah, I got a custom toilet seat from like Helsinki or something and it squirts water in your ass.

22:48 Zack Ward Nice. I think it's called a bidet.

22:50 Adam Yeah, but I think the unit is a bidet, the freestanding unit, but not actually... If you take your toilet and convert it...

23:02 Zack Ward It's called a water fountain.

23:03 Adam The seat itself is not a bidet, but it sort of becomes a bidet when it gets screwed onto my toilet.

23:09 Drew Have you ever messed with it and just seen what happens if you just activate it with nobody sitting there?

23:12 Adam I'm scared to get that close to it. To tell you the truth, I'm still a little tentative on the thing, you know? It does scare me a little bit.

23:19 Zack Ward It's too Ellie McBeal for me, the whole concept of being...

23:22 Adam When you sit on it, it starts humming. It's like... because the seat is heated.

23:27 Zack Ward Really?

23:27 Adam And then there's a wireless remote with a big icon of a seal on it, an LED that flashes, and you hit the big orange button, and it's like... you'll hear it crank up, and all of a sudden... That's like...

23:41 Zack Ward See, this is what you buy when you get rich.

23:42 Drew Pow.

23:43 Adam Yeah, had my rich friends buy it for me. It's nice.

23:47 Drew Bullseye.

23:47 Adam Except for people think I'm handicapped. Let me just... we got to go to break, but I got to just tell this story one more time, because I was watching the adult film Fantasy Camp, which is a man show bit I filmed a few weeks back. And I think I told this story that night when I got in there. But we had all these old porn stars from the 70s and 80s and some from the 90s, some are still in it. Ron Jeremy and Randy West and all those Peter North, all those legends of the porn industry were there. And we were, me and some of the man show writers guys who had been around and seen a few movies were questioning some of the veterans like Ginger Lynn on some of the old guys. So somebody brought up the name John Leslie, who was, what's it John, yeah, I'm pretty sure it was John Leslie. Oh Jesus, yeah, let's just go with John Leslie. I can't remember his name. But John Leslie and he was, always seemed like a little bit of a prick. He was always a smacking girls in the end. Always had his eyes closed halfway. Was always, it didn't seem like a great guy. So we said to Ginger Lynn, you worked with this John Leslie. Yeah. What kind of guy was he? He didn't seem like, he seemed a little antisocial for the porn set. And she was like, yeah, well, he wasn't so bad. She was defending him, you know. He was a quirky guy. He had to get to know him. He didn't talk much. He was a little standoffish. One time he tried dry anal rape on me. Other than that, he was a decent enough guy. So it was like, so other than the dry anal rape, he was a prince. And she was like, yeah, he was decent, except for the incident involving the dry anal rape.

25:34 Zack Ward Nice relativity, dude. That's hilarious.

25:35 Adam And I think we all know people that way, that maybe they don't, they grab the wrong fork when they're eating their salad.

25:44 Zack Ward Or they take the last doughnut at work.

25:47 Adam Put their elbows up on the table, or dry anally rape you, you know, stuff like that. But I think when you love someone, you look past that kind of thing. Indiscretion is what we call that.

25:57 Zack Ward Yeah, it's a working environment. Right.

25:59 Adam All right, we're gonna take ourselves a little break. Zach Ward is here from Titus. Hey, hey. We'll be back after this.

26:05 Drew We're about to get funky, yo. This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

26:47 Adam Hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-E-1-9-1. Zack Ward is here from Titus. Monday nights, 8.30 on the Fabulous Fox. Zack was just saying how to come out to taping of Titus, and I said, yay, it sounds good. And then I thought to myself, are you kidding me? I don't even want to go to one of my show taping.

27:10 Zack Ward Ours is a lot less painful than yours.

27:12 Caller I know.

27:14 Drew Doesn't matter.

27:15 Adam Imagine me walking on to that godforsaken Hollywood Center lot a day I wasn't supposed to be there. Sorry. Zack's never going to have it. I wish you all the success in the world. I think the show is great. No way would I ever go to that Hollywood Center lot. My god. I got an invitation the other day from William Morris inviting you for the unveiling of the new fall schedule, a kickoff cocktail party or something. I was laughing out loud like a madman as I threw it into the garbage. I thought, are you nuts? Are you doing PI next week? They should know not to send me that crap after a certain point. Whatever.

27:56 Drew Are you doing Politically Incorrect next week?

27:58 Adam Yeah, from the Playboy Mansion.

28:01 Drew Are we doing it the same day? Not the same show.

28:04 Adam No.

28:04 Zack Ward You're going up to Playboy Mansion?

28:06 Adam Yeah.

28:06 Zack Ward I've been there.

28:07 Adam Yeah.

28:08 Zack Ward That's a bizarre place. You guys going to do it from the grotto?

28:10 Adam That would be great. I don't know where Politically Incorrect, I guess, will be up there for one week. Oh, that's what it is. It's May sweeps, right?

28:18 Zack Ward Go through the zoo. The zoo is incredible, but there's giant rats running in and out of the monkey cages. Oh, really? Yeah. I think it's kind of symbolic for the whole decay of the playboy mentality. Empire?

28:32 Adam Yeah.

28:32 Zack Ward Because you go there, you sort of expect mounds of cocaine and naked women jumping hither and yon and no. No hither, no yon, no silliness. Just kind of a lot of celebrities looking for the camera, trying to mug for it and have a look pretty. Yeah, a lot of peacocks.

28:50 Adam Let me tell you, I've been to the playboy mansion. I've been there about three or four times, I think for various parties. I mean, we had a man show party there and I think we had a Loveline party there.

29:02 Drew Didn't Hef invite us to something we were supposed to go to?

29:04 Adam Yeah. Don't get cool on me, Drew. Mr. Hefner to you. The point is, there's playboy parties, so I hear and then there's playboy parties.

29:14 Zack Ward That's the feeling I get.

29:15 Adam There's the ones I get invited to where I step in monkey crap during the day and am tossed out soon as the streetlights come on. Then they're the ones that Charlie Sheen goes to, where he's partying in his PJs till five in the morning.

29:27 Zack Ward You're right. I'm just bitter and jealous and I'm not you guys.

29:30 Adam Well, here's the good news. Hef was in here about a month and a half ago.

29:36 Drew Is that two weeks ago? Three weeks ago, is it?

29:40 Adam Four weeks. I give him four weeks. Anyway, Hef was in here and I said straight out, Hef, how about inviting me to one of these real parties you have? And he said, well, as a matter of fact, my birthday is coming up and it's this Saturday. This was like on a Tuesday. And you're invited to my birthday party on Saturday. It's a pajama party. And I said, fine. God bless you. And then I walked in to work the next day and they said, guess what, we're taking a bus to Lake Havasu right after the taping of the show Friday night. Don't worry. We'll be back Sunday in time for you to do Loveline. And I thought, Jesus Christ, once in my life, I get invited to Hef's party. And I did talk to a friend of mine who did end up going. He said he was there until five in the morning. It was the greatest night of his life.

30:25 Zack Ward That was the night that I went. That was the night that I went.

30:27 Adam Two weeks ago or whatever it was?

30:29 Zack Ward Three weeks ago. It was amazing. There were so many celebrities there. I'm walking around. There's Maxwell Smart. You know, and there's Anthony Robbins. That guy is the biggest man I've ever seen. He's like six.

30:41 Adam He has gigantism.

30:42 Zack Ward Oh, dude, he's yeah, he's huge.

30:44 Adam Yeah, one of his teeth is as big as a full size refrigerator.

30:47 Zack Ward And when he smiles, it just scared the crud out of me.

30:49 Adam Yeah, because he could crush a Yax femur with that jaw of his. It scares me. Mr. Motivation. Those guys drive me nuts. I wish he'd go back to that one bedroom apartment he came from, by the way. Oh, I just hate guys with enthusiasm. You know, those guys, you know, they come flying in on a wire and a harness in front of a bunch of executives who are there for a convention and they yell, everyone stand up, stand up. Okay, if I can get you to stand up, then I can get you to improve. It's like, oh, shut up. Where's the bar? Jesus Christ.

31:23 Zack Ward So I'll let you smell my pajamas that I wore to the party.

31:26 Adam Better yet, I'll smell your finger.

31:28 Drew Speaking of smelling, here's Amanda, 17.

31:29 Adam Oh, nice transition, Drew.

31:31 Drew Got to get you guys off of this somehow.

31:33 Adam You're 17 there, Amanda.

31:34 Caller Yeah.

31:35 Adam What's up?

31:36 Caller My fiance, when he comes in me, it stinks.

31:40 Adam Good. And you're 17.

31:43 Caller Yeah.

31:44 Adam Yeah. First marriage didn't work out, now you're engaged again.

31:48 Drew Are you trying to get pregnant?

31:49 Caller No, I don't think I can.

31:52 Drew You can.

31:53 Caller Again?

31:54 Drew Yeah.

31:54 Caller Well, I was on Dylantin from when I was nine until I was like 14, 15.

32:02 Drew Why?

32:03 Caller And people say that it can make you sterile.

32:05 Caller Who told you that?

32:07 Caller I don't know, my family.

32:08 Drew That is ridiculous.

32:09 Oh, okay.

32:11 Adam Hey, Amanda?

32:12 Caller Yeah.

32:12 Adam Drew, what's that Dylantin do for you?

32:14 Drew Anti-seizure.

32:15 Caller I have seizures, but they don't know why.

32:18 Adam And why is it you're engaged at 17?

32:22 Caller I don't know, I just don't.

32:24 Adam Okay, well, you sound pretty excited about it. Where are you registered, by the way? I'd like to pick you up something.

32:29 Caller Kmart.

32:30 Adam You're registered somewhere? It's not at a feed store or anything, is it?

32:35 Caller What?

32:36 Adam You know where registered is?

32:37 Caller No.

32:37 Adam Oh, baby, you're too young to get married. Any woman who doesn't know where to register for wedding gifts is way too young to get married.

32:45 Caller No, we're probably not going to get married for a while.

32:48 Adam All right. But why get engaged at 17?

32:52 Caller I don't know.

32:52 Zack Ward Do you live in a small town?

32:55 Caller I did.

32:56 Adam How old is he?

32:57 Caller He is 21.

33:00 Adam How long have you two been going out? Four years?

33:03 Caller No, a year and a half.

33:04 Adam A year and a half?

33:05 Caller Yeah.

33:07 Zack Ward Does he work at the 7-Eleven?

33:09 Caller No, he has a good job. He works at a factory.

33:12 Adam All right.

33:12 Caller He makes $15 an hour, so he has a good job.

33:15 Adam Fantastic.

33:17 Zack Ward Go backpacking.

33:18 Adam Amanda, you need to go backpacking. You're going to Idaho with a psychologist.

33:21 Zack Ward Not Idaho. Go to Europe. You see the world.

33:23 Adam She can't afford that.

33:24 Zack Ward She can't. He's got a good job. What is he? Not going to treat her right?

33:27 Adam Amanda? Yeah. All right. Just believe me, you're going to get pregnant, and I don't know why you're trying to get pregnant at 17.

33:35 Drew Right. And some men have funny smells, and that's fine. It doesn't mean anything specific.

33:38 Adam But really, Amanda, what are you hell bent on here?

33:43 Caller Well, I've never had, like, felt, I don't know, like, loved.

33:52 Drew Yeah. But Amanda, we know. Yeah. That is a way to destroy a child. Yeah. You bring a child into that kind of a parenting situation, that is extremely damaging to the child. It's about the child's life, not your needs.

34:06 Adam Well, that's not even parenting. You're giving birth to a sort of aid for yourself. Yeah.

34:12 Drew A baby, a doll.

34:13 Zack Ward Do you go to school or are you, yeah, you go to school?

34:16 Caller No.

34:17 Zack Ward Do you have a full-time job?

34:19 Caller No.

34:20 Zack Ward Why don't you try getting a dog first? And I don't mean that sarcastically. And did you find that kind of difficult?

34:26 Drew Go backpacking with the dog.

34:27 Zack Ward Go backpacking with the dog, yeah.

34:28 Adam Yeah. Psychologists do right now. Hey, Amanda? Yeah. Listen, Amanda, you're going to get pregnant. We don't want you to get pregnant. You'll look back on it in some years and regret it. You got nothing but time. You're 17, for Christ's sake. Give yourself a couple of years. Get on the pill. Do not get pregnant. Get married.

34:48 Drew Live out your dreams.

34:49 Adam Get married? I don't care. Get married and get pregnant later, please.

34:54 Drew The important thing is not to get pregnant.

34:56 Adam And love yourself and love your dog and love your fiance.

34:59 Drew Hey, Stone Temple Pilots are coming in here next week.

35:01 Adam Oh, that's right.

35:02 Caller Another question?

35:03 Adam No.

35:04 Caller This happens with my aunt, too. Like, after I have an orgasm, it hurts.

35:08 Drew How old's your aunt?

35:10 Adam She's 11.

35:10 Caller She's 28.

35:11 Adam She's 28. It hurts after your orgasm?

35:14 Drew It hurts or just feels sort of irritated and irritable?

35:17 Caller It hurts.

35:18 Drew Well, if somebody touches it, it hurts, she means. And the things are too sensitive afterwards.

35:23 Adam You're very sensitive afterward, right?

35:25 Caller Yeah.

35:25 Adam Yeah, okay.

35:26 Drew That's normal.

35:27 Adam And by the way, ladies, when you're faking it, fake the sensitivity at the end, too.

35:30 Drew Don't forget the details. Yeah.

35:32 Adam It's all in the details.

35:33 Zack Ward You've got to say, don't touch me.

35:35 Adam All right, so let me get this straight. Oh, is she really... the intercourse must be a wonderful experience for her. Orgasm brings a reeling pain, and her boyfriend is poison semen. That's a good time. Agent Orange.

35:49 Drew Stone Temple Pilots.

35:50 Adam Oh, yes. SDP, Stone Temple Pilots, are going to be in here when? Next week?

35:56 Drew May 10th.

35:57 Zack Ward All of them are going to fit in here?

35:58 Adam That's good radio, Drew. We just shout out the date to our stone listeners. Next week, right? Wednesday night? Fantabulous. All of them will be stuffed in here. All right. Where are we going here, Drew? Robin? Yes? You're 10. Oops, I'm sorry. You're looking at the 10 again. You're 18. What's up?

36:23 Caller Me and my fiance, we're trying to have, we tried for like a year to have a baby, and it doesn't work.

36:30 Adam Drew, didn't we just talk to this person?

36:31 Drew Yeah.

36:32 Adam No. She's a whole year older? Why'd you pick that call, you new broad?

36:36 Drew Because I thought we were going to break, and these other ones are pretty heavy.

36:39 Adam Really? Well, let's pick a heavy one, and we'll go to break.

36:42 Drew I got to go to break now.

36:44 Adam Drew, you don't have to call the person in the 30 seconds that they call you. What?

36:50 Zack Ward You can borrow my phone.

36:51 Adam Anderson, what do you want? Anderson, don't worry about me over there. Would you stop flapping like a seagull? It's getting tense. Drew, pick another goddamn call.

37:01 Drew Please go to break.

37:02 Adam Pick another call.

37:03 Drew Please go to break.

37:03 Adam All right. All right. All right. We're...

37:07 Zack Ward Well, I'd like to give a shout out. Can I give a shout out?

37:09 Adam Yeah.

37:10 Zack Ward Shout out to Julia and Natasha and Valerie. Actually, these are some people who have been writing in my website. And then when I write them back, they go, it's not you. And I said, I'll prove it was.

37:20 Adam All right.

37:20 Zack Ward So, see, that's it. I'm a big sellout.

37:22 Adam That is Zack Ward from Titus. I'm going to figure out what's going on with Drew. Something serious, I hope. And we'll be back after this.

37:34 Loveline, we'll be right back.

38:06 Adam Yep, it is Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-F-E-E-1-9-1. Stone Temple Pilots and Lit will be in here next week. So a couple of good bands. Zack Ward is in here tonight. He plays Dave. That is the brother of Titus, Chris Titus on Titus. Monday nights, 8.30 on Fox. Drew, what do you got going on over there?

38:28 Drew Nothing.

38:28 Adam What's the matter?

38:29 Drew I'm fine.

38:30 Adam What? Patient? All right.

38:32 Drew Yep.

38:33 Adam Family?

38:33 Drew One of these days, just one of these days.

38:35 Adam All right. Is the patient okay?

38:36 Drew Yeah.

38:37 Adam It's not a family member or anything, is it?

38:38 Drew Of course not.

38:39 Adam Huh?

38:40 Drew I don't want to talk about it.

38:42 Adam All right. Okay.

38:44 Zack Ward I'm feeling a little peckish in case anybody, you know.

38:48 Adam I could eat something myself. All right. Everything all right?

38:51 Drew Yeah, it's fine.

38:51 Adam All right. I don't like to see it. It's hard for me to make fun of you when, you know, something may be up, you know. That's the thing. Yeah, it's tough. All right.

38:58 Drew You'll be okay.

38:59 Adam All right.

39:00 Zack Ward It just needs to be held, man. Come on.

39:01 Adam All right. You weird me out sometimes. Robin?

39:05 Caller Yeah?

39:06 Adam You're 18?

39:07 Caller Yes.

39:08 Adam Yeah.

39:09 Caller I was...

39:10 Adam Oh, you. Yeah. Hold on a second. Come on, Drew. What's wrong with this call?

39:13 Drew I thought you wanted... All right.

39:14 Adam Edward. I thought I wanted what?

39:16 Drew To finish that call.

39:17 Adam I didn't want to start that call. Edward, you're 27.

39:21 Caller Correct. Hi, Zack. Hi, Adam. Dr. Drew, I was wondering what could be the cause of me sweating pretty heavy on my right armpit, and what can I do to stop it?

39:33 Drew It's always been that way?

39:35 Caller For the last five years, I've noticed that, yeah, it's been happening.

39:40 Adam Five years.

39:41 Drew Does that arm get cold or hot or anything else happen at that upper extremity?

39:45 Caller No, nothing. It's just even in cold temperatures or when it's, you know, obviously when it's extremely hot.

39:53 Drew It's something called hyperhidrosis where people get to- Where the hands sweat excessively, the forehead like Adam's goes excessively.

39:59 Adam I have hyperastrosis too.

40:02 Drew Oh, really? That's attractive. Anisostrosis.

40:04 Adam Chicks love that. Oh, they love a sweaty, hairy ass.

40:08 Drew Lots of grease.

40:09 Caller My palm.

40:10 Adam It's a turn on.

40:11 Caller My hands are not sweaty. It's just my right armpit.

40:14 Drew There are ways that doctors go in and ablate the nerves that basically supply the sweat glands and cause the sweat.

40:20 Zack Ward What about that rock thing that you're supposed to stick underneath your armpit? It looks like a crystal. It looks like quartz.

40:24 Adam It is a crystal.

40:25 Zack Ward Yeah. It's some salt crap.

40:26 Adam I don't know.

40:27 Zack Ward You stick it underneath your armpit.

40:28 Adam No. They have that stuff, though. I put it on my forehead. What is that?

40:31 Drew Xerac. Xerac. Yeah.

40:34 Adam That work on your arm.

40:34 Drew But you know, if he has got really severe excessive sweating, really true hyperhidrosis, then some of it probably should be treated.

40:40 Adam But if you use that Xerac stuff, it will cut into it quite a bit. And for a guy who's been living with it for a while, this is going to be a nice relief. It may not cure it, but it may knock it down a bit.

40:52 Caller Okay.

40:52 Adam You need to go to a dermatologist and ask him for this Xerac.

40:56 Drew Yeah.

40:56 Caller Xerac.

40:57 Adam Yeah.

40:58 Drew Xerac.

40:58 Adam Starts with an X.

40:59 Drew I think it will irritate in the armpit though.

41:00 Caller Sounds good.

41:01 Adam Hey, listen. All right. It's true. But listen, if I can slap it on my forehead, he can slap it under his arm, right?

41:06 Zack Ward But you wear a lot of makeup, dude.

41:08 Adam That's true. Well, to be fair, we're...

41:09 Zack Ward Up close, that's kind of rude.

41:11 Adam I wear a lot of eyeliner, but I don't wear so much base. But, Drew, as you know, the forehead is the upper part of what?

41:19 Zack Ward Your ass?

41:19 Drew Your cash register.

41:20 Adam That's right. This is the cash register. Thank you very much. There you go. That's what it sounds like when I smile.

41:28 Zack Ward It has that gleaming thing.

41:29 Adam That's right. Trish?

41:32 Yes.

41:32 Adam You're 18?

41:33 Caller Yes, I am.

41:34 Adam What's up?

41:35 Caller About four years ago, I was kicked out of my home with my child and placed into a foster home.

41:43 Adam Perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy.

41:47 Caller A little later on, my child was taken from me. In about a year's time, I was placed into about 16 different foster homes. The reason being the parents couldn't handle my violent temper. It's a parent's home. I've seen several therapists.

42:04 Drew You see that?

42:04 Caller I've taken anger management classes. Nothing is working. I've lost everyone in my life except for my boyfriend that has been with me for the last year and a half. And that is on the verge of breaking up because of my temper. And I was wondering if I should get on medication or what else I could do.

42:22 Drew Absolutely. Were you abandoned as a young child?

42:24 Caller Yes, I was. Yeah.

42:25 Drew I mean, there is a, there's proof positive that now that children that are abandoned the first couple years of life don't develop a certain part of the brain, the region called the right orbital frontal system, which is necessary actually for you to really accept the presence, the existence of other people. They don't really exist for you. It also does not allow for regulation of your internal emotional world. So things like anger and rage, they just come flying out. And you do not actually have the brain structure there to regulate that. So really, if behavioral interventions have not worked, the only solution is medication at that point.

43:07 Caller What kind of medication?

43:08 Drew And it's a part of the brain that will not develop after a certain few years of life. It just, I don't know. You know, usually they are the anti-agitation kinds of medication.

43:16 Adam There's also a controversial new therapy I read about in Newsweek where they duct tape pillows to your hands. So, you know, you go into a rage, who cares? It's actually entertaining. It's hard to drive, you understand. But it does save the boyfriend and loved ones. Where's your child?

43:37 Caller I have no clue.

43:38 Adam Oh, okay. And how old were you when you had your child?

43:41 Caller I was actually 13. I was very young. I was kicked out of my house when I was 10 years of age and was forced to live with friends and my boyfriend.

43:52 Drew Ten.

43:53 Adam How old? Listen, who are we to question their culture? We don't know. And are your parents, what are they, politicians?

44:04 Drew No.

44:05 Caller My father deceased when I was a year of age and shortly after my mother abandoned us in our house until some relatives came and got us.

44:14 Drew How long were you there?

44:16 Caller About a week before somebody actually came and got us.

44:19 Adam And you got a brother?

44:20 Drew Yes.

44:20 Zack Ward You have a movie of the week deal?

44:22 Drew The mother is in brother jail now?

44:24 Adam Who's your brother beaten on?

44:26 Caller Nobody actually. He's just very quiet and to himself. He has no friends.

44:30 Zack Ward Yeah, he'll snap.

44:31 Caller He drinks a lot, a lot.

44:32 Zack Ward See, the other people who called him before who want to have kids at the age of 17, they should listen to this call right here.

44:37 Caller Absolutely.

44:38 Adam Yeah.

44:39 Caller Yeah. It's not worth it at all.

44:40 Zack Ward You should do college campuses and a teaching tour.

44:43 Caller Yeah.

44:43 Zack Ward Make you some money off of it.

44:44 Adam Probably make more than we get.

44:46 Zack Ward That wouldn't be hard.

44:47 Adam Hey, Trish. Yes. Listen, I'm sorry for what's happened to you. And I'm sorry you've been to hell and back by the tender age of 18. The good news is there's counseling, there's medication, there's cable TV, my personal favorite. There's all kinds of stuff now. And despite this horrible upbringing you've had, and the horrible tragedies you've suffered, you can get along now. But you got to look into this medication because the whole violent outburst thing is not going to work. Okay. All right.

45:16 Zack Ward You know, it's exciting the fact that she can see it, perceives it, means that she can change it. No, no, means that she can find help. Well, you know, someone who doesn't see it at all, that, you know, that's right, they're screwed. But not her.

45:27 Drew That's true.

45:28 Adam Yeah.

45:28 Drew Very positive.

45:29 Adam Yeah. Hell yeah.

45:30 Drew See, Adam, we're so jammed. Look at the positive parts of these.

45:32 Zack Ward Man, you guys are evil.

45:34 Adam We got a guest saying, the good news is, is help is on the way. No, it's not.

45:38 Drew It's impossible. No chance.

45:40 Zack Ward I believe in you.

45:41 Adam She's doomed, spiraled down, in a violent and agonizing death. All right. Lana.

45:47 Caller Yes.

45:47 Adam You're 24.

45:48 Caller Yes, I am.

45:49 Adam You won't get better either.

45:53 Caller I have a problem. Well, hopefully not. But I started dating my boyfriend about six months ago, November, and he had what looked like to me, like a skin tag on the shaft of his penis.

46:11 Drew That's also called a wart.

46:12 Caller You can say that, right?

46:13 Drew That's a wart.

46:14 Caller Okay. We were worried about that, but because I don't know, I've had skin tags before and they've been diagnosed as skin tags.

46:24 Drew Yeah, but those were on your thighs or your armpit, that kind of thing.

46:28 Caller One was on the outside of my area. Anyway.

46:38 Adam Yeah.

46:38 Caller Basically, I was ignorant and ignored it, and we had protected the sex for a while, but then, you know.

46:46 Adam All right.

46:46 Drew What's the question?

46:47 Caller The question is, I don't know what to do as far as, I had a pap smear in February and I was negative for everything. I don't know anything about this disease.

47:02 Drew You probably already have it.

47:03 Adam Well, what disease? Skin tags.

47:07 Caller He went to a doctor and had it removed.

47:09 Drew Yeah.

47:10 Caller And he said it was a wart, but he also said to the doctor, oh, he just clamped it in and took it off.

47:14 Drew Did he? But he has to say it's a wart and that's it.

47:18 Caller Okay. Well.

47:19 Drew But that means you almost undoubtedly have the virus though.

47:22 Caller Really?

47:22 Drew Almost.

47:23 Adam All right. So what should she do?

47:25 Caller When will that show up? When will I know?

47:26 Drew Maybe never and maybe years or maybe it'll go away, but you need to just have regular pap smear. 30 percent of your friends have this.

47:33 Adam That's right.

47:33 Drew Maybe more.

47:35 Adam That's right.

47:36 Drew In their area. In their area.

47:37 Adam That's right. Or I like to call it the zone. So she needs to keep up their pap smears. Should she have them twice a year?

47:47 Drew Maybe go twice a year for a while and then she ought to encourage him to use a condom. I think that would be smart. Just in case she hasn't contracted it.

47:52 Adam Well, you told her undoubtedly she has it.

47:54 Drew Said almost undoubtedly.

47:55 Zack Ward Does she cut the tags off?

47:57 Adam No, she wears it like Mini Pearl.

48:00 Drew Put the surprise on her, Rick.

48:02 Adam We're going to take a timely reference for a lot of our 14-year-old listeners who enjoyed a hee-haw, which has been off the air for 26 years. We will take ourselves a little break. Zack Ward is our guest tonight from Titus and we'll be back after this.

48:16 Caller Let's have some more fun.

48:18 Drew Okay.

48:19 Caller Let's do it.

48:20 Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:24 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

48:26 Adam Well, here's how it's sample. It's the Loveline. We're back. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Zack Ward is here from Titus. He plays Dave, which is Chris Titus' brother. Chris Titus is going to be on here in a couple of weeks, as a matter of fact. Monday nights, 8.30 on Fox. And Zack, you want to plug the Christmas gig?

49:29 Zack Ward Christmas story? Yeah, I guess, that's what a lot of people remember. I'll phrase that sentence like a human being. Yeah, Christmas story. It's funny you bring that up. Thanks, Adam.

49:39 Adam Thank you, Zack.

49:40 Zack Ward That's just one of those things people remember me from when I was a little kid. But how old were you? I was like 10, 11 years old.

49:48 Adam Wow, you've been acting for some time.

49:50 Zack Ward I'm like 40 now.

49:51 Drew Who were you in that with?

49:52 Zack Ward I was in that with Peter Billingsley and Scotty Schwartz. You know the kid who stuck his tongue to the pole? Right, he's now in porn. And the irony of that just kills me. He's still a friend of mine and he did a porno. And Scotty's ex-rated adventure. And at the end of it, the girl...

50:08 Adam That was about four years ago, right?

50:10 Zack Ward Three years ago, yeah. And at the end of it, the girl, she's a big hottie, right? She likes her men freshly shorn. And so I don't know how you shave that area of your body. I've never given a shot. And after he finished the filming, I was out with him and I was like, so how'd the movie go? He's like, good. But I wish somebody had told me about the razor burn. Oh, really? Oh, dude, yeah. It's just in the wrong place. Looked like a baboon's ass. Not what I want to watch. Just punch the munchkin, you know what I mean?

50:39 Adam I understand a little trim down there, but the shave part, that's, you know, I mean, breaking out the green.

50:45 Zack Ward That'll cause rectal bleeding right there.

50:46 Adam Yeah. You know what I want? I want one of those, you know, I got my birthday coming up, kiddies.

50:51 Drew What is that again?

50:52 Adam May 27th? May 27th.

50:55 Zack Ward Got some schluffing coming?

50:57 Drew And does he owe you any presents?

50:58 Zack Ward Yes.

50:59 Drew Oh, he does?

51:00 Adam What does he owe you for?

51:01 Drew Children, birthday, Christmas.

51:03 Adam And you're clean for about another four or five years, so don't worry about that. But Drew.

51:08 Drew I got to come through.

51:08 Adam I got a score to settle.

51:10 Drew Big time. I got my windows tinted last birthday.

51:12 Adam Here's what I'm looking for. Oh, that's right. When I'm looking, there's still, I think, a half-kilo heroin in the trunk of your car that I left. I went on a run while I got it tinted.

51:24 Zack Ward You and Corey Feldman?

51:25 Adam I want one of those hot lather dispenser things. You know what I'm talking about? You put your shave cream canister into this device that plugs in. It's sort of like a heater. It's sort of like a can cozy, and it comes out hot.

51:42 Drew But I'm going to go to Brookstone, one of those best of places, and get you a good one.

51:46 Adam Yeah. Now here's the caveat here, Drew. I like to use the edge, and that's a thinner can.

51:54 Drew I don't think you can do that. But I'll check it out. I'll look into it.

51:58 Adam Interesting. Well, maybe if I took an edge can and I wrapped it in foil, so fit tight and stuffed it into that hot lather dispenser, that could be something.

52:07 Zack Ward Is that when you shave your sweaty ass?

52:09 Adam No. I just prune it. I don't shave it. That's for my sweaty face, which is the other part of my body that's sweaty. All right. So ready to hop back on the phones here?

52:19 Drew Yeah.

52:19 Adam Beth? That's right. The cash register, Katie. You're 29. What's up?

52:25 Yes. I have a question for Dr. Drew. Yeah. I suffer from panic attacks and agoraphobia.

52:32 Caller Right.

52:35 When I was between the ages of 13 and 15, I smoked a lot of marijuana and I heard, maybe a few days ago, Dr. Drew was talking about, like, a connection between marihuanis and panic attacks.

52:50 Drew Well, there is a connection. It's usually not a, in my experience, it's usually not a remote connection. In other words...

52:56 That's what I was wondering. Maybe that long ago...

52:59 Drew Not in my experience, though. You were smoking at such a young age, there is now new evidence coming in of structural changes in the brain in young adolescents and marijuana exposure. But even then, I think I would have seen more of this if it were a... I see it all the time from LSD, for instance, but I don't see this from marijuana. Marijuana more... I see people start to get depressed, and panic is part of their depression. Or early on in their use, that suddenly starts triggering panic. Well, I've seen it trigger some amazing panic disorder.

53:25 Adam Yeah, but this isn't that. This is you. This is something else you got going on.

53:32 Yeah. That's what I've been trying to figure out. I think I was actually having panic attacks when I was smoking, though.

53:38 Drew That's why you were smoking. Yeah, you were smoking.

53:39 I was calling it paranoid.

53:41 Adam Yeah.

53:41 All right. I first started having the panic attacks in the agoraphobia when I was 17, and I wasn't smoking anymore.

53:47 Adam Well, why don't you... I think I have a touch of that agoraphobia myself.

53:52 Drew No, that's a workaphobia.

53:53 Adam I don't like going out where work is.

53:55 Drew That's a workaphobia.

53:56 Adam That's right.

53:56 Zack Ward How about Paxil? I've seen that on TV. Does that stuff work?

53:59 I'm on 30 milligrams of Paxil and 3 milligrams of Xanax a day.

54:05 Drew That's a lot of stuff. Wow. Do you have any addiction? I mean, you're a marijuana addict. Well, the Xanax is a lot if you're an addict. That's a very treacherous medicine. It actually can intensify. The addicts respond rather uniquely to Xanax. They will start to intensify your panic and anxiety.

54:22 I think that's what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I was having a bad panic attack, and I took 2 milligrams within an hour. I wasn't stopping.

54:29 Drew You got to talk to your doctor about maybe the addictive side of this, too.

54:32 Adam Can't you get off that Xanax?

54:34 Drew Do not stop it on your own.

54:35 I know that. I know not to. I used to take Clonopin, and I wound up in the hospital.

54:40 Zack Ward Any homeopathic remedies that help with this stuff?

54:44 Drew 12-step. 12-step. 12-step.

54:46 Adam All right, Beth, you got your work cut out for you. But go back to your psychiatrist and talk about the Xanax.

54:53 But, okay.

54:54 Adam All right.

54:54 Drew I'm sorry we can't carry over the phone. If it's not as a psychiatrist prescribing, you definitely need to consult with one.

55:00 Adam She said her doctor. I don't know if that meant psychiatrist. Beth? Yes. You're going to a psychiatrist?

55:06 Yes, I am.

55:06 Drew Okay. All right.

55:07 Adam Go back.

55:08 Drew Talk about the addiction.

55:08 I can't actually go now because I'm not able to leave the house anymore.

55:11 Drew But then call. Talk about the addiction history and get some, you need to change.

55:16 Is there a different medication than Xanax?

55:18 Caller Yeah.

55:20 Drew You're very focused on medication, but there may be some other behavioral and or therapeutic things they can do.

55:24 Adam Hey, Beth. When you have agoraphobia, how far out of the house can you go?

55:30 Since February, I've been able to go about a mile. That's all I've made it.

55:36 Adam Not bad. You got a 7-Eleven nearby?

55:39 Drew It's better than Adam does.

55:40 Adam Yeah.

55:40 Yes, I do.

55:41 Adam All right. Well, that's not too bad.

55:43 Drew Really agoraphobia is in terms of its formal definition, it's fear of crowds. It's other people that you become panicky about.

55:50 Adam Yeah, I get that.

55:51 It's other people and it's distances from my house and...

55:56 Adam Hey, Beth, I'm no psychiatrist, but what if you bought an RV?

56:01 Drew No.

56:02 Adam You know what I mean? You're always in your house.

56:05 Drew Then you would never...

56:05 I actually have joked about that with my family because wherever I go, I'd be at home.

56:10 Adam Right. Now, do you live alone?

56:12 Yes, I do.

56:14 Adam How do you pay the bills? Phone sex?

56:15 I'm on unemployment.

56:17 Adam I see. You can take care of everything, huh?

56:20 For the time being, I don't know what's going to happen after that. Now, my mother has been doing my shopping and whatnot.

56:29 Adam All right.

56:30 But I really want to be able to get back.

56:33 Adam You're single, gal?

56:35 Divorced, yeah.

56:36 Adam Yeah. I'm looking for someone who wants to stay home. A little old-fashioned like that. All right. Yeah. I'm a good cook, too. Yeah. Well, I'll grow a hydroponic pot in the basement, and we'll call it a life.

56:50 Zack Ward The Cleavers. The new Cleaver family.

56:52 Adam People drive up, score a little every week, we'll live off of that scratch, get some bootleg cable.

56:58 Zack Ward You're a romantic man. You really are.

56:59 Adam We'll go pinked out all the way, get the food delivered. I swear, it really doesn't sound bad to me at this point. Robin?

57:08 Caller Yes?

57:09 Adam You're 18?

57:11 Caller Okay. Yes, I'm 18. Like I said before, me and my fiancee were trying to have a baby. Sure. We were trying for like 3 months, and then I ended up having a period for like a month and a half straight.

57:23 Caller Yeah.

57:24 Caller A lot of people told me that I could have had a miscarriage.

57:26 Drew Yes, you could have.

57:28 Caller Because I had a lot of pain, and I had a lot of blood clots just fall out like in the shower or something.

57:33 Drew Will you please have that looked into?

57:35 Caller You know what? I went to my gynecologist, and she's some dot-headed lady. She's the only one I've ever gone to, and she didn't even do a biopsy. She said, it came back at normal and she didn't do nothing about it. So right now, I'm in the process of switching.

57:52 Adam Did you say dot-headed?

57:54 Caller She's a little Korean lady. She doesn't talk much English.

57:59 Adam Dot-head? That's Indian.

58:01 Caller Well, yeah. I think it's Pakistani. She's from a different country.

58:06 Adam Oh, hold on a second.

58:07 Drew Korean Indian.

58:07 Adam Different country.

58:09 Caller I don't even know what she's got. You know, the jump thing on the forehead.

58:12 Drew Johnny Quest.

58:13 Adam She got the dot, that red dot?

58:15 Caller Yes.

58:15 Adam Maybe that was just a little blowback from you.

58:20 Caller No.

58:21 Adam That's happened to me once. You get down there, have a look. There's a little belch or sneeze or something before you know it. You're Indian.

58:27 Zack Ward Bullseye.

58:27 Drew That's right. But listen.

58:30 Adam I mean, I've come back up looking like I was extra from that Mel Gibson movie.

58:36 Drew An abnormal pap smear does not buy you a biopsy, Robin.

58:40 Caller Well, see, I told her all the problems I was having.

58:44 Adam All right, Robin. Hold on a second. I'm jumping in here. You're 18. This child, you don't know the difference in nationalities yet. She's got a dot. Maybe she's from Korea.

58:57 Zack Ward A Kareekistani.

58:58 Adam The Korean flag's got kind of a dot like theme to it, doesn't it?

59:02 Drew I think the Japanese do it.

59:03 Adam The Korean one has a yin-yang thing going. That's sort of dot like. So therefore, you do the dot math and connect those dots. Kareekistani. Listen, screwball, you're 18 years old. Your grammar is horrible. You got to wait a couple of more years before you have a kid and screw it up. All right? Could you please do that?

59:24 Caller Well, see, me and my family, we've been gathered for four years.

59:28 Drew Oh, that makes a difference.

59:29 Adam Even worse. You're 18. So, if you guys had hooked up at 8, you should be pregnant by 12.

59:34 Zack Ward You should be grandfathers by now.

59:36 Adam Come on, screwball. How hell bent on you? Listen, Robin, you don't want to be white trash your entire life, do you?

59:45 Caller No, I don't. My mother had me and my sister very young.

59:48 Drew Of course she did.

59:49 Adam Of course she did. Why do you have to screw up like she did?

59:52 Zack Ward And Jerry Springer doesn't pay anything.

59:54 Adam That's right. Why do you have to do that? What is that instinct?

59:58 Caller Well, it's because I grew up in a not too good of a family. My fiance's family is like the Partridge family. Right. There's a huge family and they all are really loving people.

1:00:08 Drew You know what?

1:00:08 Adam Except for traveling. Except for traveling to gigs on a bus, they live in a bus.

1:00:13 Drew How old is he?

1:00:14 Caller He's 21.

1:00:16 Adam All right. Hey, listen, Robin.

1:00:19 Zack Ward Don't have a kid.

1:00:20 Adam Call her. Call her? Yes. Yes. There you go. Here's the deal. My family wasn't the greatest either. They really weren't. So what I'm attempting to do is not be anything like them. You see? So that should be your goal too.

1:00:38 Caller Well, see, I'm working on it. At least I'm going to go to college soon.

1:00:41 Drew Yeah, good. There you go. Yes.

1:00:43 Zack Ward Congratulations.

1:00:43 Adam You're going to get pregnant and have to drop out.

1:00:46 Zack Ward Yeah.

1:00:46 Caller Well, see, we haven't been trying lately because we were thinking of not doing it.

1:00:51 Drew Good.

1:00:52 Caller If you want to save the money and get a house.

1:00:54 Adam Please get some protection, Screwball.

1:00:56 Drew Just get some fond of them.

1:00:57 Adam Yes. Get a house.

1:00:58 Zack Ward Get a life. Have a lot of fun. Go backpacking in Europe.

1:01:05 Adam Wait till I'm in charge. Listen, if you don't have a house yet, you shouldn't be trying to have kids. You'll never get a house.

1:01:12 Zack Ward No.

1:01:12 Adam Because here's how it works. You come from a family, you don't have money, the family doesn't have money, you're not going to college. You have to take a crappy job out of high school. You get locked into that job and then there's a little bit of a catch-22 and it's a little bit of a negative cycle because you can't go to college, you can't take those classes, you're busy working all the time, you don't get paid that much, you have to work overtime. Then you have a child and now you have zero time and zero resources. It's not like you can save up, take six months off and go to college.

1:01:46 Caller You're screwed.

1:01:47 Adam Now you're locked into your crappy, low-paying job and you never get out of the apartment.

1:01:51 Zack Ward And that's if you're with somebody. And if you're with somebody, the other guy, the husband around, if he stays around because he's going to start going to a job, he's coming home to a house with a screaming kid and a mother who cannot cope with this situation, has no friends, hasn't gone out to a movie in eight months. She's getting nasty, she resents him, he resents her, they break up, now she's a single mother, she's a statistic because she wanted to have something to cuddle. Get a dog, dude, and go backpacking in Europe.

1:02:16 Adam I think Zack has the right negative sensibilities to take over this show.

1:02:20 Drew Yeah, he does, he just got it.

1:02:21 Zack Ward I'm very angry.

1:02:22 Adam He's been here for an hour and 15 minutes, he's as bitter as I am.

1:02:25 Caller Yeah.

1:02:26 Adam I love that.

1:02:27 Zack Ward He's turning green for Jade.

1:02:29 Adam Charlene?

1:02:30 Caller Hello?

1:02:30 Adam Year 13.

1:02:31 Caller Hi.

1:02:32 Adam What's up?

1:02:33 Caller Hi, how are you?

1:02:34 Adam Good, what's up?

1:02:35 Caller Okay, well, about three years ago, my mom had an affair with one of my cousins.

1:02:42 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:02:45 Caller And I don't know how to deal with it, I keep on thinking about it.

1:02:49 Drew How do you know about it?

1:02:51 Caller How do I know?

1:02:53 Drew How do you know about it?

1:02:54 Adam Hold on. Hey, Charlene?

1:02:56 Caller Yeah?

1:02:57 Adam Can you turn the music down behind you, please? So the people in the other studios can't hear it coming through our headphones, please? Oh, it's the theme from Taboo 2. He knows how to please in every detail.

1:03:14 Zack Ward You're putting me in the mood, Adam.

1:03:17 Adam He can do more than you'd ever imagine and do it with style. He does it for me. Oh, yes, he does. That's good lyrics.

1:03:30 Caller I know you thought that you knew him.

1:03:35 Adam This is my favorite line.

1:03:37 Caller Well, maybe you did, but you don't.

1:03:42 Adam I'm going to take this to Broadway.

1:03:43 Zack Ward It's like we're having a charity marathon here.

1:03:45 Caller Send in your pledges to Loveline at K-Rock.

1:03:52 Adam And save the children who want to have children at 15 years of age.

1:03:59 Zack Ward We can register them all at K-Mart with the money that you'll make the children.

1:04:03 Caller Just what he could do. You'd want him to if you want him to.

1:04:13 Zack Ward And that's why it's a Toc radio station.

1:04:15 Adam Thank you very much. All right, Charlene. You there?

1:04:19 Caller Yeah, I'm still here.

1:04:21 Drew How did you find out about this affair?

1:04:23 Caller How did I find out? Because, well, it lasted for a long time. Because when I was like five years old, I caught my mom making out with them.

1:04:33 Drew Okay. That's how you found out.

1:04:35 Adam Was she still married to your father at the time?

1:04:37 Caller Yes, she is still.

1:04:38 Adam Oh, still married?

1:04:39 Caller Yeah.

1:04:39 Adam And your father doesn't know?

1:04:41 Caller He does.

1:04:42 Adam All right.

1:04:43 Caller And he has found out about this, like, about, like, four times.

1:04:49 Adam Oh, four times?

1:04:49 Drew Yes.

1:04:50 Adam So it's not five.

1:04:51 Caller I think it's five. I'm not sure.

1:04:53 Drew Do you talk to your mom about it?

1:04:54 Caller Have I talked to my mom about it?

1:04:56 Caller Yeah.

1:04:57 Caller No, I haven't because I don't feel like talking about it. It's just like it in a way it embarrasses me because of the way my family is screwed up.

1:05:07 Yeah.

1:05:08 Adam All right. Charlene?

1:05:09 Caller Huh?

1:05:10 Adam I'm going to give you that speech I give to our callers.

1:05:13 Drew It's not your fault.

1:05:14 Adam Once a week. It's not your fault. I'm sorry your family is screwed up. Everyone listen, please. You don't have to be screwed up just because your family screwed up, although it helps.

1:05:25 Drew It will happen if you don't watch out.

1:05:26 Adam You can have your own life. You're 13 now. You're not a little girl anymore. You can go off to school. You can get involved with sports and extracurricular stuff. After school, you got your friends. You basically use your house like Andy from Otis, the drunk.

1:05:45 Zack Ward Yeah, she'll know who that is.

1:05:46 Adam From Mayberry. Yeah, I'm sure you remember that. The point is you get to your house, you eat dinner, you do your homework, you go to bed, and you leave the next morning nice and early to go to school.

1:05:56 Zack Ward And I got a point here. And it has to do with the TV show Titus on Fox at 8.30 on Monday nights. Okay.

1:06:02 Adam That's right.

1:06:03 Zack Ward The thing is Christopher Titus has gone through so much hell. I have a big story for you. He goes down to have Thanksgiving dinner. His mother has IQ of 180 and was in and out of mental institutions, cooks dinner. The new father tells the mother that it's a little dry. So mom goes over, gets a gun, shoots dad in the chest, and doesn't let Chris or his sister call the cops until after he's bled to death. Now, if he can get past that and make a hit TV series out of it, well, you know what? You're in a house filled with gold. You've got money. You are above your problem and you can turn it into cash.

1:06:39 Adam That's right. Yes. If your mother doesn't turn the gun on you, God willing one day you can get a very lucrative development deal. Now, here's the deal. You just get out. Drew, you didn't like your family much, right? No. Tons of it. All right. One weekend out of the year. The point is you stay out of the house. You get your friends. You start on your own life fairly early.

1:07:03 Zack Ward You just don't take responsibility for their mistakes if it doesn't include you.

1:07:06 Adam And you get your grades good so you can go off somewhere far away to college.

1:07:10 Zack Ward I don't have a kid at 18.

1:07:11 Adam That's right. Hold on a second. Charlene?

1:07:14 Caller Hello?

1:07:15 Adam Hello. Are you Hispanic?

1:07:17 Caller Yes, I am.

1:07:18 Adam Good. D average, you go to Harvard. All right?

1:07:21 Caller All right.

1:07:22 Adam Get your grades up and get the hell out of... Keep them up and you can go off to college far, far away. All right?

1:07:29 Caller All right.

1:07:30 Adam All right. I'm sorry for the way your mom's embarrassing you, but you just got to get through it.

1:07:36 Caller All right. Can I say one more thing?

1:07:37 Adam Yes. Okay.

1:07:38 Caller You guys kick ass.

1:07:39 Adam Thank you, baby. Okay. All right. Take care of yourself.

1:07:41 Caller All right.

1:07:42 Adam Bye-bye. Bye-bye. All right. God, it's sad. This happens to every one of our calls. They realize their parents are imbeciles at 11. That's got to be rough. Rosie?

1:07:52 Caller Yeah.

1:07:53 Adam You're 15?

1:07:54 Caller Yes.

1:07:55 Adam Yes. What's your problem?

1:07:58 Caller Well, I'm a virgin and my boyfriend wants to talk to me, but I don't know how to tell him no.

1:08:02 Adam How old is he?

1:08:03 Caller He's 15 too.

1:08:05 Adam I see. Yeah. You want us to talk to him?

1:08:10 Caller What?

1:08:11 Adam You want us to talk to him?

1:08:14 Caller I really don't think that he's like that. I think he'd get mad.

1:08:21 Adam You think he'd get mad?

1:08:22 Caller Yeah.

1:08:22 Adam Yeah. He'd be embarrassed. Why don't you just tell him you're not ready for sex?

1:08:28 Caller Because it's just like I think that I love him.

1:08:33 Drew It doesn't matter. There's nothing to be ashamed of. There's no reason. If he leaves you or doesn't reciprocate your feelings just because you won't have sex with him, he is a raging A-hole and he's not involved with you in the first place.

1:08:46 Adam I rented Raging A-hole last weekend, by the way.

1:08:49 Drew Was that about a boxer?

1:08:50 Adam It's a good movie. No.

1:08:52 Zack Ward Because if he loves you, then it's not about the sex because he can always go in the bathroom and punch the munchkin and come back out and give you a big hug.

1:08:58 Adam That's right. Big sticky hug. Hey, Rosie.

1:09:02 Caller Yeah?

1:09:02 Adam Listen, you sound a little depressed. Are you a little depressed?

1:09:06 Caller Kind of.

1:09:07 Adam What's the matter?

1:09:09 Caller I just, I don't know. There's just a whole bunch of mixed feelings when I'm with him.

1:09:16 Adam Yeah.

1:09:17 Drew Then why are you with him?

1:09:18 Adam Yeah. It doesn't sound like you're crazy about the guy.

1:09:22 Caller Well, I've never had feelings like I do towards a person like I do him.

1:09:28 Adam Yeah. Well, you're 15. That's fine. Where's your dad?

1:09:33 Caller Working.

1:09:34 Adam All right. You know him? You like him?

1:09:37 Caller Kind of. Yeah.

1:09:38 Adam Yeah. Is he all right? Yeah. Has he ever done anything bad to you?

1:09:42 Caller No.

1:09:42 Adam Does he drink?

1:09:43 Caller No.

1:09:44 Adam No. Never raises his voice or his hand to you? Why do you just sort of look warm on him? Why don't you like him a little more?

1:09:53 Caller Because he worked at night and I hardly ever see him.

1:09:58 Adam All right. But you imagine, hypothetically, if you ever talked to him, he'd be a pretty good guy?

1:10:03 Caller Yeah.

1:10:03 Adam Okay. All right. Well, at least you got that. I knew my dad was an idiot when I was 15. So at least you have that hypothetical thing going for you. There's still some hope. Hey, Rosie, don't have sex until you're ready. There's no problem telling him you're not. He'll respect you for it. Okay?

1:10:21 Drew Whatever happened to that vibe?

1:10:24 Adam I don't know, but I'm bringing it back. I'm bringing it back. He will respect you for it and treat you like a lady.

1:10:30 Zack Ward And you'll respect yourself too.

1:10:31 Adam That's right. All right?

1:10:34 Caller All right. Thanks.

1:10:35 Adam All right. But I'd like a condom preloaded into your vagina just in case.

1:10:40 Caller What?

1:10:40 Adam All right.

1:10:41 Caller Thank you.

1:10:42 Adam You're scary, dude.

1:10:43 Zack Ward You're scary.

1:10:44 Adam Hey, when I'm in power, that's going to be part of my plan. All women after the first period will have a preloaded condom in the vagina just in case. Hey, what if there's rape?

1:10:56 Drew You trip and fall?

1:10:57 Adam What if they pass out at some party, some frat guy jumps on them? Drew?

1:11:02 Drew I'm listening.

1:11:03 Adam Preloaded condoms in the vagina.

1:11:05 Drew This may be the answer we're looking for.

1:11:07 Adam I think it is. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Drew's checking his pager, so that means it's time to take a break, and we'll be back after this. Yeah, it is a loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Zack Ward is our guest tonight. He is on Titus, plays Titus' younger brother. Monday nights, 8.30 on Fox. And Stone Temple Pilots will be in here next week, as long as well as I should say lit. So, some good bands coming in here. Drew has picked out the next call, and so I will dutifully push the button. And we will speak to Rene, who is 22. Rene?

1:12:28 Hey, how's it going?

1:12:29 Adam Good.

1:12:30 All right.

1:12:34 I'm 22, as you know. I've been married to my wife a year and a few months. And just recently, we've been getting to a lot of arguments. And it got so bad last night, actually, that I got a little violent and just went out of hand and just felt totally bad about it.

1:12:56 Adam What did you do?

1:13:00 Um, I guess I just like grabbed her and kind of shook her a bit. And I don't remember hitting her, but she says I did.

1:13:08 Drew Were you drinking?

1:13:09 Adam Huh?

1:13:10 Drew Had you been drinking?

1:13:11 No, I don't even drink or anything. Wow.

1:13:14 Adam Imagine what you do if you're drunk.

1:13:16 Yeah, I know.

1:13:17 Adam Yeah. So have you ever had this problem before?

1:13:20 You know what? It's happened before, but not this bad. I mean, I've gotten out of control, but not too far as like I did last night. I mean, you know, I don't I'm not very violent at all. I just, you know, it just like another part of me just came out and then it's like I don't even remember it after. All right.

1:13:38 Zack Ward Did your father deal with problems by losing it like that?

1:13:42 No, no.

1:13:43 Zack Ward Not at all.

1:13:43 Drew Your family?

1:13:44 No, not at all.

1:13:46 Drew You never saw people be aggressive in your family?

1:13:48 Adam Well, on the other hand, René is not it's not happening all the time.

1:13:53 Drew It's not, you know, but usually there's a sort of a threshold issue that if you've seen it happen, you're capable of doing it.

1:13:58 Adam Yeah. Well, he doesn't remember. God knows how many people he's killed and just can't remember.

1:14:02 I mean, it's a let's say within a year and a few months I've been married, it's happened at least three times. Now, this is just like I feel like this time it's like I need to do something about it.

1:14:14 Adam All right. Well, that's true.

1:14:15 Zack Ward What's happening in your marriage? You just got married. You've been, are you pregnant or expecting?

1:14:20 Well, we have a child. She's a 10 month year old.

1:14:23 Zack Ward And how's work going?

1:14:25 Works fine. I just come home every day and I mean, everything's fine. It's just like, I guess, when little arguments here and there, I guess slip away and we forget about it the next day.

1:14:37 Adam All right. Well, maybe you need to get a little counseling.

1:14:39 Yeah.

1:14:40 Drew You need to do something. This will not change, Rene. This problem gets worse.

1:14:44 Yeah.

1:14:44 Drew Yeah, you have an obligation. And somebody is going to put you in jail if you're not careful. The threshold for taking action against men that do this is very low right now.

1:14:53 Zack Ward And also right now, this is the beginning of their marriage. And if you can work it out during this time, like whether it's going to your local church and talking to a priest or whether it's...

1:15:02 Adam I mean, yes.

1:15:04 Zack Ward Not your church. But if it's going to a park and sitting in a park playing with a kid and having a little picnic and taking some time for yourself as opposed to just going home, turn on the TV and vegging out, it'll probably help your relationship out so you actually communicate as opposed to just walking through like a robot.

1:15:19 Adam I've never hit a woman, but I've gotten to the point where I've been so upset I've been about to. And then I thought, yeah, it means I have to get up though. The one popped you. I had my stripper girlfriend, Lindsey gave me a good right cross once when I came home drunk from a softball game. That was a good time. So I didn't have a problem with that. I really did. Well, here's the way. Listen, I took no offense to it. I really didn't. And I don't know why. I don't know what's wrong with me. It took zero offense to my girlfriend popping me in the jaw. I had done a fair share of boxing, been slugged a million times, and it almost didn't even register on this sort of been beat-o-meter. This was like a point whatever. And I've had eights and nines in my life. So it was not much. I was drunk, so that kind of cushioned the blow. And all of a sudden, the onus is on her now. She was pissed at me a second ago. Now, I'm allegedly pissed at her. So instead of waking up the next day, the cold shoulder and the apologies and all that kind of stuff and trying to win her back, she's now apologizing to me. So I just worked it, milked it for all it was worth. As a matter of fact, I wish, anytime I got into an argument, the woman should just give me a good pop. And then anytime I effed up, that is.

1:16:39 Zack Ward Yeah, well, you're a hell of a negotiator. Just, you know, maybe walk into a door when you come in the house and say, honey, you hit me. And maybe say that she forgot. Reverse the whole thing.

1:16:49 Adam I could fake it like one of those, you know, guys in a casino trying to collect on the insurance is take a tumble down the stairs or something. That's a good call. Yeah. Or put some knee pads and a kidney belt on underneath my clothes, protect myself like a stuntman, and just take a tumble. It's a good idea. Yeah, I like that. And women are great too because they don't really forgive themselves too easily for that stuff. They'll be, the mothering part will come right out.

1:17:14 Zack Ward Fifteen years later, remember when you hit me?

1:17:15 Adam That's right. It's never been the same. Jessica?

1:17:19 Caller Yeah.

1:17:20 Adam Yeah. She knocked the sense right out of me. You're 16. What's up?

1:17:23 Caller Hi.

1:17:24 Caller I have an itchy red spot at the top of my pubic hair. And it's not the first time I've had it. Maybe a month ago, I had about three of them. And I'm a virgin, so is my boyfriend. And I want to know what it could be from.

1:17:40 Drew Could be allergy. Could be fungus.

1:17:42 Zack Ward Ingrown hair?

1:17:42 Drew Ingrown hair, sure.

1:17:44 Zack Ward You got a cat?

1:17:45 Adam No.

1:17:46 Caller I don't have any pets.

1:17:50 Adam Yes, you never admit you're wrong. Aha! That's it, no pets.

1:17:56 Zack Ward Can I ask you a question? Are you fondling? Are you playing with genitalia?

1:18:01 Caller We've had oral sex, but only us two. We've never had oral sex with anyone else.

1:18:05 Zack Ward Do you make sure when you're touching each other that he washes his hands before he starts touching you? Because a woman's area is great for incubation of nasty poop.

1:18:15 Caller I never let him anywhere near me if he hasn't washed his hands.

1:18:17 Zack Ward You're a good person.

1:18:19 Adam Are you sure?

1:18:20 Caller Yeah.

1:18:20 Adam Really?

1:18:22 Caller Like yesterday, he offered to like stimulate me and he didn't have a sunscreen, so I didn't let him.

1:18:27 Drew Well, good for you.

1:18:28 Adam Wait a minute. Hold on. I got to examine this part of the relationship. There's a little closer. He offered to stimulate you. Now, was this in a written proposal, or did he actually have one of his seconds voices there?

1:18:42 Drew It was an escrow.

1:18:43 Adam Yeah, I see. So, the point is, is he offered to stimulate you, and why wouldn't you take him up on that stimulation?

1:18:51 Caller Because his hands weren't clean.

1:18:52 Adam His hands weren't clean. How do you know they weren't clean?

1:18:55 Caller Because I asked him if he washed his hands, and he said no. And so I said, okay, then.

1:18:58 Adam And couldn't he have just...

1:19:00 Drew Washed his hands?

1:19:01 Adam Or did he have to go down to the river? Was it snowing? I mean...

1:19:04 Drew If this were you, you would have those little little alcohol cleansing things.

1:19:09 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I mean, couldn't... You were in the car? I'll tell you, I'm like MacGyver when it comes to fingering a woman. I would have gone in, I would have popped the hood, I would have dipped my hand into the wiper fluid and sterilized myself.

1:19:21 Zack Ward You just take a lighter and burn all the first...

1:19:23 Adam That's right...

1:19:24 Zack Ward .hand and then you get...

1:19:25 Adam Done that, dunked it in the wiper fluid and ripped off a shard of headliner to wipe my hands with before I went in here. All right. Jessica, why are you... are you extra clean?

1:19:39 Caller Um, yeah.

1:19:40 Adam Uh-oh. Good for you. What's up with... well, what's up with that?

1:19:44 Caller My daddy told me to be sure always to be clean.

1:19:47 Adam Oh, your daddy did?

1:19:48 Caller Yeah.

1:19:49 Drew Did he teach you about germs? Spent a lot of time talking about that?

1:19:53 Caller Well, not really. He just told me that, like, I could do whatever I want as long as I know that I'm ready for it and that I'm clean.

1:20:00 Adam And that you're clean?

1:20:01 Caller Yeah.

1:20:02 Drew I wonder what he actually meant by that.

1:20:03 Adam What was the clean?

1:20:04 Drew Yeah. I'm sure he didn't mean hand washing.

1:20:05 Adam He wasn't talking about heroin when he said, are you clean?

1:20:08 Caller No. I don't do anything like that.

1:20:11 Adam Now, all right. And where's your dad now?

1:20:13 Caller In Miami.

1:20:14 Adam I see. Washing his hands?

1:20:16 Caller His house is there, I'll be on belief.

1:20:19 Drew I see.

1:20:20 Adam His house is what?

1:20:22 Caller Sterile.

1:20:22 Adam Sterile.

1:20:24 Drew Picture frames?

1:20:26 Caller Wow.

1:20:27 Adam In Miami. What's your dad do?

1:20:31 Caller He's a computer professor person.

1:20:35 Adam And when did him and your mom break up?

1:20:37 Caller When I was six months old.

1:20:40 Adam And is your dad, did he remarry?

1:20:44 Caller No, but he wants to have a baby with his girlfriend, but they don't want to get married.

1:20:50 Adam I see. Interesting. And he's a neat, he's a clean, is he wear bow tie?

1:20:54 Caller Um, no, he doesn't like clothing. He's naked? He walks around the house in his underwear.

1:21:00 Adam I see.

1:21:01 Zack Ward Hopefully it works out.

1:21:02 Adam But clean underwear, right?

1:21:03 Caller Yeah. Super clean. Well, it's really hot in Miami.

1:21:07 Adam Yeah, it's hot. Yeah, I know. Well, listen, I know what it's like, because it's hot out in the valley here, and I walk around in my underpants, sometimes go to work in my underpants. You know, as soon as the thermostat gets over 85.

1:21:18 Drew If you're a mathematician, a good disorder to have is OCD.

1:21:20 Adam Yeah. Hey, you think you have obsessive-compulsive disorder, Jessica?

1:21:25 Caller No.

1:21:25 Zack Ward She just has a red spot on her groin.

1:21:27 Drew How many times a day do you wash your hands?

1:21:29 Caller Just like when I go to the bathroom.

1:21:32 Drew How many times a day, though?

1:21:33 Caller Depends on how many times a day I go to the bathroom.

1:21:35 Drew Give me an estimate. How many times a day do you wash your hands?

1:21:38 Caller Five.

1:21:39 Adam Yeah, that's border. Listen, when I was 16, I had S under my nails from when I was 14. Are you kidding me? Five times a day. I still don't wash my hands that much. Oh, you know what my new horrible habit is? I floss my teeth while I drive my car and I don't wash my hands. I got crap all over my hands.

1:21:59 Zack Ward You've got floss right beside you right now. That's right.

1:22:01 Adam It's to remind me to floss when I go home, but my hand smells like this microphone. I mean, I got part of Tom Lycus in my mouth when I'm flossing on the way home. All right, Jessica, don't have any kids for a few years. And I don't know, go to a dermatologist and see what's up with that thing.

1:22:16 Drew Yeah, any doctor could tell you what it is. Probably just some sort of non-specific dermatitis.

1:22:20 Adam Oh, boy. Daddy told her to be clean.

1:22:24 Zack Ward That's better than being stinky.

1:22:25 Drew Yeah, she's all right.

1:22:26 Adam All right, but let me ask you guys something. I hate neat people. Not neat people, clean people.

1:22:34 Drew Super clean.

1:22:34 Zack Ward When it comes to what aspect? Like just in their life before it comes to sexuality?

1:22:38 Drew You mean super clean.

1:22:39 Adam Anything. I don't like people that, you know, like I like to say to people, like I'll reach across the table and grab someone's soda or something and go, give me a slug of that, and I'll slug right off it. And I don't like people to get uptight about that. I deem them as bad people. It's not limited to the soda or the hand washing. I don't like them. I don't know anybody who's too too vestibious that way, too weird that way. And I know there's a reason why none of my friends are that way, because it just doesn't mesh with the... It's not laid back and ultra neat hand washing all the time. Do you know what I mean?

1:23:16 Zack Ward I know what you mean, but there's the other side where if you're not tidy like certain... Like she's being tidy, then if you get into bed together, you don't want to go down below the equator. I don't care. You want to stay.

1:23:26 Drew Unless you're wearing a snorkel, there's no reason. Those things don't tend to impact on STD transmission.

1:23:32 Zack Ward Oh, I'm just talking about funk.

1:23:34 Adam Oh, yeah. Listen, I'm with you on the funk. But let me say this, Drew, as a doctor, and I know we've had this conversation many a time, I've never used one of those toilet seat liners a day in my life. Right. All of that stuff that we're obsessed with as a society, I've deemed as nonsense because I've never caught anything from anybody.

1:23:53 Drew It's not nonsense.

1:23:56 Adam But I eat stuff off the floor. I eat meat that's gone bad, clearly. Stuff that's in my fridge that I know smells a little bad. I'll use a milk that's gone sour in my coffee all the time, all that stuff.

1:24:08 Drew The behavior of one person doesn't translate into how an entire population should behave, though.

1:24:14 Adam I have no idea what you're saying.

1:24:15 Zack Ward When you get sick. Why weren't you here last night?

1:24:17 Drew Tell us the truth.

1:24:18 Zack Ward Yeah, what happened then?

1:24:19 Adam That was the flu, though.

1:24:20 Zack Ward That was different. I thought it was food poisoning.

1:24:22 Adam Well, it could have been. It could have been a number of things. The point is...

1:24:25 Drew I don't like people that wimp out just because they vomit.

1:24:27 Adam Oh, listen. I got to be honest with you. If I really wanted to come in, I probably would have been good at it. I just wasn't feeling that good. So screw it. Yeah. It's one day in five years. Big deal. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. And we'll be back after this.

1:24:45 Caller Yo, Loveline will be right back, homie.

1:25:22 Adam Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Zack Ward is our guest tonight. He is on Titus, which is Monday nights at 8.30 on Fox. Lit and Stone Temple Pilots will be in here all next week. And I'll hop back on the phones and speak to Jason. Jason is 16. Jason.

1:25:44 Caller Hey.

1:25:44 Adam Hey. Hey.

1:25:45 Caller What's going on, guys? Yeah. Love your show. Listen all night. I have one complaint, though. First of all, is the affiliate that does your show up here in San Francisco. They're playing it at midnight now. Midnight at 2.

1:25:59 Drew Complain to them.

1:26:00 Caller Whatever. Sucks, man. Because I can't listen to you guys live now.

1:26:03 Drew Call them.

1:26:04 Caller Oh, man. I don't think they're doing anything. They just said it was too vulgar at this time, between 10 and 12.

1:26:11 Zack Ward Yeah, they do that. It's like on NYPD Blue. Remember, David Crusoe showed his butt. And then on our pilot episode, there was a big, beautiful shot of my ass. And that was the thing to behold, my friend. And they wouldn't show up because we just came on before 9 o'clock, before 10 o'clock. They won't show any heiny.

1:26:29 Adam Yeah, well, 10 is the sort of safe harbor time for radio or so we hear. Hey, but Jason, call them up and tell them you wanted earlier.

1:26:36 Caller Yeah, OK. All right. Well, my question was, when me and my girlfriend would try to, like, you know, do it and stuff like that, it's, and I put on the condom, that thing goes, like, just shrinks. Like, it just goes limp and doesn't stay hard.

1:26:53 Adam Penis not ready for it. All right.

1:26:55 Drew Not ready for the condom or not ready for sex?

1:26:57 Caller Yeah, the condom. No, I've been doing it for, like, quite some time now, but now it's like sometimes it just happens.

1:27:03 Drew He used to train.

1:27:04 Adam Yeah, that's right. Hey, Jason.

1:27:05 Zack Ward Squeeze those kegels.

1:27:07 Adam I'm telling you, you need to grab yourself a handful of condoms from the fishbowl next time you're over at the gay bar. You're in San Francisco, right? Yeah. There's one on every corner. And you need to go home and you need to practice putting the condom on when you have the erection and you're alone. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I came up with this a few years ago and I really think it makes sense, which is, here's what guys do normally. They sit around and they whack their bologna all year long, and then all of a sudden they're with a chick. And all of a sudden, they're bundled in nerves, they've had a couple of beers in them, their hearts pounding like a gopher.

1:27:47 Zack Ward And they're trying to look cool.

1:27:48 Adam And they're trying to look cool, and it's time to put the condom on, and their penis is like, what the hell is this? I've not seen this before. I'm used to something else. I believe that if you tried putting that, got your penis used to putting that condom on in the heat of battle.

1:28:04 Zack Ward And you know what's good too, is slap on some lube on your schwa's, and then you put the condom on. And then if you're at home and you're slapping it with the condom on, then when you finish, it's very easy to tie in a little bundle, drop it in the garbage, you make less of a mess. You know what, and you educate yourself, you get your pacing down. It's sort of like running in sand if you're a marathon.

1:28:27 Adam I'll take it one step further, I would pull it off, I would tie a knot in the end and I would fling it at a foe.

1:28:33 Drew At a foe?

1:28:35 Zack Ward Is that a foe?

1:28:36 Adam Yes, I don't know who that foe, whoever posed a threat to me, whoever crossed me would get the soiled condom.

1:28:42 Zack Ward Even when you're having sex, try putting a lube on your schwaas before you put the condom on, that way it also moves back and forth inside the condom more sensually, more really like the real thing.

1:28:53 Adam Zack, you're ready to take over this show, you really are, but one thing that Zack neglected to mention is the schwaas at the end.

1:29:00 Drew The tip is the main thing.

1:29:01 Adam Yeah, not the shaft, because it'll slide off.

1:29:04 Zack Ward Oh, you know, I stand corrected.

1:29:06 Adam No, you're right, just keep it around the top, that's all. You gotta keep a little grab around the bottom, or use the condom garter, which is another fine invention of mine. Nathan? Oh, how you doing? Now with back support built in, lumbar support.

1:29:18 Drew And?

1:29:19 Adam And can holders. And a cozy for your beer and a clip-on remote holster. Nathan?

1:29:28 Caller How you doing, guys?

1:29:29 Adam Good, what's up?

1:29:30 Caller I just want to say, what's up, Adam? What's going on, Dr. Drew?

1:29:33 Caller Nathan.

1:29:34 Caller Well, see, my problem is, like, my girlfriend, she gives me Falloschi on my balls, and like, they've been...

1:29:40 Drew Falloschi? Hold on, hold on. Adam's writing this down.

1:29:44 Caller I know, I forgot the word.

1:29:46 Zack Ward Falloschi.

1:29:47 Caller Falloschi, that's it.

1:29:48 Zack Ward It's Italian.

1:29:49 Caller Oh, is it?

1:29:50 Zack Ward Yeah.

1:29:50 Adam Falloschi.

1:29:51 Caller Right on. But, like, yeah, we haven't, like, had sex or anything like that, but, like, the last few times she's done it, like, my testicles have been, like, swelling up.

1:30:01 Zack Ward But so she's giving Falloschi to your testicle, not to the penis.

1:30:06 Caller Yeah, like, like, hummers or whatever you want to call it.

1:30:07 Zack Ward So that makes sense. All the blood's... It's like a testicle hickey.

1:30:11 Caller Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, but the thing is, they keep it bigger and they won't, like, go down.

1:30:16 Drew They're not down now?

1:30:17 Caller No, they like, no, like, they're like, they're actually bigger, which is cool, but I mean, like, it's kind of like infecting, like, the way I walk or something.

1:30:24 Zack Ward I saw something on this, bro. I saw something on this in a gay magazine in Vancouver.

1:30:31 Drew What did you say?

1:30:32 Zack Ward It was something about how, you know, those suction devices that they say, you know, become larger immediately?

1:30:38 Right.

1:30:39 Zack Ward You put them on your nads and they swell up to the size of those goofy things you used to jump around on when you were a kid. Remember that?

1:30:46 Adam Hoppity hop.

1:30:47 Drew Hoppity hop.

1:30:48 Zack Ward Dude, it was hilarious. And apparently, it's become like this underground sexy thing in the gay group is to have huge giant swollen nads. Which is always funnier than hell.

1:31:01 Drew It's got to be some sort of blood engorgement or something.

1:31:05 Adam What do those crazy homos think of next?

1:31:08 Zack Ward Hoppity hop.

1:31:09 Adam That is, oh my god. It's funny, dude.

1:31:12 Drew You don't make crazy mean wacky.

1:31:13 Adam I mean, no, zany. What are those zany homos going to think of next? First corn hole and now this? Man, they slay me.

1:31:23 Hoppity hop.

1:31:24 Adam I'll tell you, people think they accuse me of making fun of the gays. But these people are my bread and butter. Mostly my butter. There's nothing funnier in the case.

1:31:33 Zack Ward Like Les Tangle in Paris butter?

1:31:36 Adam Yes. I always say, how can you not have a sense of humor when you got a guy's Johnson in your ass? You know what I mean? That is the ultimate. You can have no more liberal sense of humor than having a guy's Johnson in your ass. Of course, you got a sense of humor. You can't be uptight and have a penis in your ass.

1:31:58 Drew Put that at a drop at the end of the show, please Anderson.

1:32:00 Adam It kills me. Patrick?

1:32:03 Hi.

1:32:03 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:32:05 Caller Hi. I'm on Depakote, Lithium, Prozac, and Luvox. And I wanted to know if any of those can decrease my sex drive.

1:32:17 Drew The Prozac especially.

1:32:18 Caller Prozac can?

1:32:19 Drew They all can.

1:32:20 Adam How much tail are you grabbing at 15 and pumped up like a medicine cabinet there, Patrick?

1:32:26 Caller I don't know, quite a bit.

1:32:27 Adam Really? Wow.

1:32:29 Drew Are you addicted to something? Or were you?

1:32:32 Caller Yeah. I'm a recovering alcoholic and an addict.

1:32:35 Drew And what are you addicted to?

1:32:37 Caller Marijuana.

1:32:38 Drew And did you try to hurt yourself ever?

1:32:40 Caller No.

1:32:41 Drew Okay. You're bipolar, huh?

1:32:43 Caller Yeah.

1:32:43 Adam Man, but the chicks dig that apparently, right?

1:32:47 Caller I guess so.

1:32:48 Adam All right. Do you have a girlfriend?

1:32:51 Caller I did, but we broke up and it's kind of like a long distance relationship, so that was pretty hard.

1:32:58 Adam You know, it's interesting. I find interesting about people like Patrick O'Reilly. He's 15 years old. He sounds very mature.

1:33:07 Caller Yeah.

1:33:08 Adam And he sounds intelligent. He's articulate. And there's something about that gene, that alcoholic gene that makes people grow up fast and it kind of makes them good talkers. And there's just something, they have a certain magnetism to them.

1:33:26 Zack Ward Like WC Fields.

1:33:27 Adam Yeah. You could, I could see why the ladies are interested. I find you quite provocative. So, wow, you're on everything though. You need to be on all of that?

1:33:39 Caller Yeah. Because I'm also obsessive compulsive.

1:33:42 Adam I see.

1:33:43 Zack Ward All right. And so you're on all these drugs to recover and you're having difficulty getting excited about things or?

1:33:53 Caller Well, I'm like having trouble like orgasming.

1:33:56 Drew But you're a sex addict too, right?

1:33:59 Caller Yeah.

1:33:59 Drew Okay.

1:34:00 Adam Geez, I wouldn't have known if I was a sex addict at 15 or not.

1:34:02 Zack Ward What's the difference?

1:34:04 Drew I mean, the consequences. He's been, bad stuff's been happening.

1:34:08 Adam All right. So he needs to.

1:34:10 Drew He needs to just talk about what the doctor, adding well, Butrin sometimes reverses that. All right.

1:34:13 Adam So you can get an 8th thing going.

1:34:15 Zack Ward How about, how about, how about working out? Like, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I hear about people who are like, I want to have a baby at 15. I want to, I want to do all this self-destructive crap at 17 years old. And how about just doing something that's good for you? I know it sounds really organic. I mean, sorry. But it's like just to go out and you build your testosterone if you go to the gym, you'll like how you look, you'll feel better. I mean, there's nothing better than going to gym and seeing a big, big, fat girl on the treadmill. Because that takes guts. You see those bally's ads. They're ridiculous with these.

1:34:47 Adam Oh, my God.

1:34:48 Zack Ward Oh, they're Nazis. They're Nazis.

1:34:50 Adam I swear to God. Those commercials are 30 second spots. If there were a minute, I'd squeeze one off. 45 seconds. I swear to God. I swear to God. I start going for my junk immediately. And the problem is, is I'm about three quarters of the way there at the 30 seconds. And then it slides right into a douche commercial or something and I'm ruined. But if they would get those things up to a minute, by a minute of advertising, I get one off. All right. We're going to take a little break. We'll be back.

1:35:19 Caller We'll be right back with more.

1:35:20 Adam Loveline.

1:35:53 Drew How dare you?

1:35:55 Zack Ward I like my mom. When my mom saw the Titus show, she was like, Zack, I think it's very funny. But I thought you were very good, but there were parts of it that I was very offended by. I'm like, Mom, you're 64 years old, who cares?

1:36:07 Adam That's right.

1:36:08 Zack Ward It's not like you're gonna take money out of your pocket and buy stuff we advertise in the show. Titus is too dark and twisted.

1:36:14 Adam Plus, you know, there's a Hallmark reading card that offends my mom, you know, it's like, who cares? All right, I wanna thank Zack Ward from coming in. Titus, 8.30 on Fox, Monday Nights. I wanna thank Engineer Anderson for doing a great job all week. Danielle for weaving her magic behind the keyboards, picking up the phone there, keypad, I should say. And of course, the magnificent Ann Wilkins, what the hell's the last name? Engold, sounds like you're mispronouncing that every time you say it, doesn't it? For doing a wonderful job producing the show all week long. And until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Of course you got a sense of humor. You can't be uptight and have a penis in your ass. Well now.

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Thursday, May 4, 2000