Episode 1000754887544

0:54 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:03 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:05 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:08 Voiceover Loveline.

1:09 Adam Neat. It is the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. I keep that fax number out every night, but I have not seen a fax in this dump for at least three months. So people must not fax.

1:26 Some people fax, but if I can't get holding them on the phone to really get some more questions answered, it doesn't work out.

1:33 Drew You know what I'm going to do? Here's what I want to do. I want to set up a, I want to, can I log on to like a chat room and have people chatting while we're on here? Seriously.

1:41 Caller You've seen the computers around this place.

1:43 Drew No, I've got a computer in my car. I just, I can, what?

1:46 Adam Anderson has one.

1:48 Drew Can I get on the web from in here?

1:49 Caller If you could do whatever you like, Drew.

1:51 Drew I'm going to do that. I'm going to start doing that.

1:53 Adam First off, it's all you can do to focus on the radio show as it is. That's all I need is you chanting away.

2:00 Drew This will be interesting.

2:01 Adam Some gimp in Nova Scotia.

2:04 Drew I'm going to bring the, is there?

2:05 Adam Please.

2:06 Drew Oh, come on.

2:07 Adam You focus on this radio show. That's what you're getting paid to do.

2:10 Drew We're going to do this also.

2:12 Adam You want to get a ham radio set up in here too?

2:14 Drew Could. That'd be cool.

2:15 Adam Okay. That's a horrible idea. So forget about the fax number. And that's Dr. Drew. I'm Adam Corolla. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician, an addiction medicine specialist. I started back with The Man Show today.

2:30 Drew Oh yeah. How'd it go?

2:31 Adam Fine. But I think I must have ADD or something.

2:35 Drew Couldn't get anything done?

2:36 Adam Oh, I wrote a couple of jokes. But I sat in that office for a couple of hours. And all of a sudden I felt like I wanted to just, I had to take a nap.

2:44 Drew Did Jimmy kick your ass?

2:45 Adam Jimmy thankfully is working on the Ben Stein show for another couple of days. But Daniel is over there riding me like a pack mule. And I sat down, I never felt more tired in my life. And I don't know what that is. What is that?

3:00 Drew Depression.

3:01 Adam Is that what that is? Anytime I sit down and I pick up a pencil, I start thinking about school.

3:09 Drew It gets overwhelming, we get avoidant.

3:11 Adam I mean, I have felt very, very good the last four or five months. And today, which was a light day, I showed up to the office at 11 in the morning. And I was out of there at 5 o'clock. And actually earlier, like 4.30. And when I got home, I felt like I was coming down with something. I mean, I felt sick. Not like I was going to vomit, but just like rung out.

3:39 Drew Is it throwback to that same sort of state of being that you were in, state of mind that you were in in high school? You just sort of reconnect with that same state?

3:47 Adam Probably.

3:48 Drew Yeah. Because maybe you talked about how depressed and how difficult it was to get up.

3:51 Adam I felt physically whooped after a very short day.

3:55 Drew Let me tell you also, let's not completely jump to the conclusion that it's all emotional. I've had people, in Los Angeles right now, there is a epidemic of this awful virus. It's basically a flu.

4:07 Adam I was just talking to someone who had 106 fever.

4:10 Drew No big deal. Routine. Welcome to Los Angeles.

4:12 Adam Hey, as an adult though, don't you get brain damage?

4:16 Drew You can. You can see and things. Yeah.

4:17 Adam After what? 105?

4:19 Drew 104 and a half, 105, yeah.

4:20 Adam Oh boy.

4:21 Drew But here's the deal. I've had several people who get these very strange symptoms for about 48 hours before the thing comes on. So let's see what happens.

4:30 Adam Very, very weak feeling.

4:32 Drew Like strange pain and strange short of breath. It's strange. It's not right at all.

4:36 Adam Will you bring that flu shot in? Where's that flu shot?

4:40 Drew It's come and gone.

4:42 Adam What do you mean it's come and gone?

4:43 Drew It's late. It's late.

4:44 Adam What do you mean it's late?

4:46 Drew You give it November, October.

4:47 Adam Yeah. But why can't I get it tonight?

4:49 Drew Because I don't have it with me, but I will bring it for you.

4:51 Adam What about tomorrow night?

4:51 Drew I'll bring it.

4:52 Adam What if I take it tomorrow night?

4:54 Drew If you're getting sick, we can't do it. But listen, if you're not sick, I'll give it to you tomorrow night. Would you call my office tomorrow morning, remind me to put the thing in my pocket?

5:01 Adam I can't leave you with a no tonight?

5:02 Drew No.

5:03 Adam All right. Let me write that down somewhere. I'm not going to see it. Call Drew at office. What time?

5:10 Drew When you wake 9, 10.

5:11 Adam Too early.

5:12 Drew 11.

5:13 Adam Okay. Liam?

5:14 Yeah.

5:15 Adam You're 22?

5:16 Caller Yeah, that's right.

5:17 Adam What's up?

5:18 Caller First, I'd like to thank you guys for taking my call.

5:20 Sure.

5:20 Caller It's a real honor being able to talk to the gentlemen like this.

5:23 Adam Sure.

5:24 Caller I'd also like to say a long time listener, first time caller.

5:26 Sure.

5:27 Caller Ever since I saw that one episode on TV, where Bobcat farted on you, man, I was just hooked.

5:32 Adam Yeah. Well, I can't take full credit for that, because I just held still while Bob farted on me.

5:38 Drew However, you can get credit for having fought to get Bobcat on the show, since he was not an MTV guest, not a good guest.

5:44 Adam That's right.

5:44 Drew Not somebody that anybody would have loved.

5:46 Adam MTV did not want Bob to come on the show, and magically, when somebody dropped out the last second, they said, hey, can you call your buddy Bob? We'd love to have him.

5:55 Caller Well, I thought it was a great episode myself.

5:57 Adam Well, so did most people, and it just goes to show you why everyone should listen to what I say when I say it.

6:06 Caller Of course, of course.

6:07 Adam Thank you very much. Everyone listen to me. There you go.

6:11 Caller Okay, that brings me to my question. It's related to those two colors who called in last night who had that ability to fart on demand.

6:19 Adam Right.

6:19 Caller Well, I have the same talent.

6:21 Adam Oh my God.

6:23 Drew You've unearthed this sort of parallel universe. It's a secret society.

6:26 Adam Of epidemics, yeah.

6:28 Caller Well, I learned it in eighth grade, so I've been honing my skill, so to speak, for the past nine years.

6:32 Drew Did you just sort of come upon it or did somebody pass along this skill?

6:36 Adam Well, what do you mean pass along? The hand of God reaches through the clouds and touches your sphincter. What do you mean?

6:41 Drew Your parents hire a teacher or something.

6:43 Caller Well, you know, I've tried to teach it to other people and some of them have picked up on it and some of them just can't do it. Maybe I had a talent already and I just needed some guidance.

6:51 Adam I'd like to know. So can you can you explain to me how to do it? This is where you fart on demand, which is like belching on demand. I mean, when you tell now we can almost I'd say 90 percent of society can belch on demand because when someone says, I think a woman can too. If you say, listen, can you belch? They go, OK. Right. You know, they have to do an inverted belch. They have to belch in that. You know, and then it comes out again.

7:20 Caller It's the same principle. You're taking, you know, air in and then, you know, expelling it.

7:24 Drew Right.

7:24 Adam But I can't do that with my ass.

7:27 Drew Well, anyway, we can't swallow. We can't speak.

7:29 Caller The best way that I can explain it is I get on my back. And what I do is I throw my legs up in the air.

7:36 Adam Over your head? Right.

7:37 Caller Over my head. So essentially my knees are, each knee is on each side of my head.

7:40 Adam On your ears, right?

7:42 Caller And I guess the best way to say it is that I let my abdomen relax just totally. And I just, I sit there for a few seconds and just, the air just sucks in on its own.

7:52 Drew You're gay.

7:53 Adam Uh-huh. And can you be, can you be wearing jeans? Doesn't matter what you're wearing?

7:59 Caller I find that it's easier when I'm wearing sweats, like really loose clothing.

8:02 Drew No IV tubing required or anything?

8:04 Adam No. And can you do that for us tonight?

8:08 Caller A little demonstration?

8:09 Adam Yeah, that'd be nice.

8:10 Caller Yeah, I guess I could muster something up.

8:12 Adam I'm going to try that too, Drew.

8:14 Caller Well, first of all, I had a question for Dr. Drew about this.

8:16 Drew Yeah?

8:16 Caller Is there any chance that I could do any kind of damage at all to myself if I...

8:20 Adam Well, to your neck and spine. I mean, throwing your... Boxing your ears with your knees on a regular basis can't be too good for that area.

8:28 Drew Otherwise, I have no known complications.

8:32 Adam It's not like there's textbooks written on this stuff. All right, Liam, go ahead. Give us a little demonstration.

8:38 Caller All right, it might take a few seconds to muster up a...

8:40 Adam All right, well, listen, while he's doing that, I'm going to give it a try, too.

8:43 Drew No, if you discover this, if you... That's what I'm saying.

8:47 Adam They made your breakthrough.

8:48 Drew Oh, my God. If you're able to do this, I'd find a new partner. You'll sit around and amuse yourself all day at home.

8:53 Adam If this works, I will not be in tomorrow night.

8:56 Drew I believe you.

8:57 Adam Or the next night.

8:57 Drew That's right.

8:58 Adam All right, hang on, Drew. You talk for a second.

9:00 Drew All right, so Liam, you on the phone still?

9:01 Caller Yeah, I'm still here.

9:02 Drew All right, you doing your thing?

9:03 Caller Yeah, are you guys ready?

9:04 Drew Yeah, Adam's now... He's also... Woof, he's on the floor now himself.

9:09 Adam There's not a lot of room in this studio.

9:11 Drew Well, do you want to use the mic, Adam? Oh, no, no. Okay, Liam, do your thing.

9:15 Caller Okay, hang on.

9:17 Drew No way. Oh, my God. Do you hear Liam?

9:29 Adam Wait, the mic's not long enough.

9:31 Caller I'm having a little fuzz block right now, but...

9:33 Adam Yeah. Hey, Liam.

9:35 Caller Yeah.

9:35 Adam I ripped one, too, but I think I already had one.

9:38 Caller No, you got to start off dry, dude. That's cheating. Yeah.

9:41 All right. Hold on.

9:43 Adam What do I think of that again?

9:44 Drew Relaxing your abdomen.

9:45 Caller Yeah, that's the best way that I can describe it. Just let your stomach go totally relaxed.

9:49 Drew I wonder if people actually understand that Adam is here on his head, in the floor of the studio right now.

9:54 Adam Jesus, I can't breathe.

9:58 Caller You guys should do this on the TV show.

10:00 Adam Drew, move my scrotum. I can't see.

10:02 What a dumb thing to do.

10:04 Drew Yeah, it's too bad that we don't have either an internet camera or a television camera in here right now. This would be quite a moment.

10:10 Caller That would be nice.

10:11 Drew Liam, I'm sort of pissed at you for starting this. I'm sort of angry with you for starting this.

10:16 Caller Well, I knew that Adam would appreciate it.

10:18 Drew I know. He appreciates it so much, though. He's going to not come off the floor here. Well, here he comes.

10:23 Adam Well, wait a minute. Here's the problem. I cannot relax while my rectum is dangling out in the wind that way. There's the eminent danger of sodomy going on. I mean, you're in that position.

10:36 Drew Lies me.

10:38 Adam Listen, if the dog walks in the room and you're that way, you're dead meat.

10:41 Caller Well, you know, it's an acquired position.

10:42 You're too brutal.

10:45 Adam Oh, man. I did squeeze one off, Liam, but I got to be honest with you. I may have had that round in the chamber before I actually hit the floor. But did you hear that one, Drew?

10:55 Yeah, I did.

10:55 Adam It's not bad. All right, Liam. Hey Liam, have you tried lighting those?

11:01 Caller No, I've tried that and I can't seem to do it. I always wind up just blowing the flame out. I don't think I have enough methane. I think that's why I'm doing it.

11:08 Adam Yeah, because what you're sucking in is essentially fresh air, you're just spitting it back out again.

11:13 Drew No methane.

11:14 Adam It's not real gas that's produced. Interesting.

11:17 Drew So that wouldn't serve your evil needs at all.

11:19 Adam It's what you call a cultured fart. You know what I mean? Like a cultured pearl. Yeah, it's not made over time by nature. It's something that...

11:30 Drew It's industrial.

11:30 Adam Yeah, a little Japanese guy made it. Right.

11:33 Drew But since there's little methane in this, thankfully this would not serve your evil needs, right?

11:38 Adam No, I mean, audibly it would, but not nasally, no. Arturo?

11:43 Yeah.

11:44 Adam You're 17.

11:45 Caller Yeah.

11:45 Adam What's up?

11:46 Caller Hey, well, I was with my girlfriend around New Year's, and it was like a day after or the same day that she had finished having her period, you know, and the condom broke, and I had some come in there, and I was wondering if she could get pregnant.

12:03 Drew She sure could. Why don't you?

12:05 Adam Was the come in there before you put the condom on or?

12:09 Caller No, no. I just come and I kept on going.

12:12 Adam No, you did. Are you aware that there's more things you can do at 17, Drew?

12:16 Drew There's something called an emergency contraceptive you can use after an event like that. For up to three days afterwards, you can get a pill that she can take. She takes just two doses, and it will decrease the risk of that being a pregnancy by over 75 percent. It's prevent or plan B and it ain't an abortion.

12:36 Adam Right.

12:36 Drew In fact, it could one day eliminate abortions.

12:38 Adam Once you have that orgasm, you really got to stop, drop, and roll. That's what I do. Over to the refrigerator. That's my move. I should do a PSA. If you keep humping after you have an orgasm in the condom, is it any more vulnerable?

12:56 Drew To what?

12:57 Adam Breakage or slippage?

12:59 Drew Yeah.

12:59 Adam Well, it seemed like it would be to slippage because now you have a lubricant in there and the penis is heading in for the winter.

13:06 Drew Yeah.

13:07 Adam It's like a bear that's hibernating. Yeah.

13:09 Drew The turtle's head is pulling back.

13:10 Adam Your penis is like, you're taking a last look around the vagina before it heads in for the long winter. All right. Angela?

13:22 Yes.

13:22 Adam You're 24?

13:23 Caller Yes, I am.

13:24 Adam What's up?

13:25 Caller Hi.

13:25 Thanks for taking my call. My question was kind of like, I was married and he was really mean to me all the time. We had some big fights that ended up with police being called and it was really bad.

13:38 Adam Shut up!

13:39 Caller Yes.

13:40 He was, we had a really especially bad one where the police were called and they came and they questioned me and I said that he didn't touch me and he didn't hit me or anything.

13:52 Adam How many times had the police shown up?

13:55 Actually, the last time is the only time they ever had to come.

13:58 Adam So just once?

13:59 The last time. And it was like two months and my mother was trying to convince me to leave him. So finally I got the courage and as soon as I got the courage she got cancer. And so he was in remission from cancer and four years later he went through a relapse. I felt really bad and I couldn't leave him and then he got, you know, he seemed to be getting better and then I left and then when I left he took down for the worse and he died last week. And I feel completely horribly guilty. I feel like it's my fault that he's dead and I don't feel like I have any right to feel anything because I feel like maybe when he's killed I know that it's probably preposterous.

14:40 Adam Well, I don't know.

14:41 Drew What kind of cancer did he have?

14:43 He had something that was, it was a pediatric tumor called rhabdomyosarcoma.

14:48 Drew Wow, that's unusual.

14:49 And what happened was, I don't know if his hospital is following up, but they let it go. They shrunk it down to...

14:56 Drew Yeah, but sarcomas are bad, bad, bad.

14:59 Well, they shrunk it down and let it go for like three or four months. And then it grew to the size of a basketball in his abdomen.

15:04 Drew Yeah, but sarcomas are, that's bad news.

15:07 Adam Death sentence?

15:08 Drew Basically, yeah.

15:09 Adam Hey, Angela?

15:10 Yeah.

15:11 Adam So he knew that he had this since what age?

15:15 He got it first time when he was 19.

15:17 Adam 19 is when they shrunk it down.

15:19 No, he got it the first time when he was 19. And he went to remission. And it was gone. And he went to remission. And he went to relapse when we were married for a year and a half or so.

15:29 Drew It's not as though he came up with a new diagnosis of cancer. You married him knowing he had cancer.

15:34 Yeah, but.

15:35 Adam When did they shrink it down?

15:38 I guess it was six or seven months. Because he got it last August, but the August before that of 98.

15:45 Drew Basically, Angela, the only thing worse than a cancer is a sarcoma.

15:49 Adam That's not a cancer?

15:50 Drew It's a worse than cancer.

15:53 Adam All right. So Angela.

15:55 Drew You didn't understand.

15:56 Adam The guy was ill and essentially had a death sentence since the word go, maybe.

16:02 Maybe.

16:03 Adam This guy wasn't due to live past 26.

16:06 Drew You had nothing to do with this.

16:08 I know that he was doing really well. He looked really good.

16:10 Drew Angela.

16:11 Adam All right. Well.

16:12 Drew If he never met you, he'd be dead now.

16:15 Adam Yeah.

16:15 Drew Okay. That's absolutely the case.

16:18 Adam Hey, Angela, how old was he when he died?

16:22 He was 26.

16:23 He had just turned 26.

16:25 Drew Where did you learn that you are responsible for everything that happens to everybody else?

16:28 Adam Oh, wow. She just feels guilty.

16:29 Well, his parents don't like me for the obvious reasons. I left her some when he was dying.

16:35 Adam Why was he?

16:36 Drew That's a different issue though, isn't it? Is that whether you feel that he felt abandoned at a time when you can't make amends now, maybe you hurt him before you could make it right.

16:45 Adam What kind of guy was he? Why was he abusing you? What kind of abuse?

16:50 He was just getting angry. The fight in question. Well, one time we had a fight about a movie, which was stupid.

16:57 Adam Yeah, but I mean in general, did he ever hit you?

17:00 He took me and shook me and threw me against the wall. He threw me down the stairs, threw me out the door once.

17:05 Adam So, I mean, he generally was a physical guy.

17:08 Yeah.

17:09 Adam And not a great guy.

17:11 And I had other, there were other issues.

17:13 Okay. All right.

17:15 Adam Well, you know, I mean, your biggest issue is probably marrying this guy.

17:20 Well, I didn't know, he didn't act this way until after we were married.

17:23 Adam Yeah. But you know what?

17:23 Drew You picked him.

17:24 Adam You picked him. And I don't believe that. I mean, put it this way, I know people who are incapable of this. They just are. You know what I mean? The only people I would surround myself. Well, I mean.

17:39 Drew Incapable of marrying somebody like this, you mean?

17:41 Adam No, of being this way. Of murdering somebody, of abusing somebody physically, of stealing from somebody, of lying. I mean, the people I know, like I know Drew is incapable of doing this. I'm not so sure about his wife, but I know Drew is incapable of doing it. I know my friends are incapable of doing it. I couldn't marry somebody thinking, well, they haven't done it yet, or I just didn't know it, and then it turns out they turn out to have some bodies in the trunk of their car. I mean, even though it's a flaw, a personality flaw for them, there's something up with you that you don't notice that. You should see that coming up. All right, she feels guilty. This is something that happened, a tragedy. It's recent. I mean, you're going to have a thousand feelings.

18:26 Drew Yeah, you feel guilty for surviving.

18:28 Adam Right.

18:29 Drew You feel guilty for abandoning him, but, again, there's something more.

18:33 Adam You don't abandon somebody who beats on you.

18:35 Drew Right. There's something much more global going on with her where she feels responsible and it's in a grandiose way for everything that happens.

18:41 Adam Okay.

18:41 Drew I killed him. I may forget it.

18:44 Adam Okay. So, therapy, counseling, read a book. I mean, it's a tough time. Don't take all the feelings you're having right now seriously because this is a tragedy that just happened. I mean, you're going to have a ton of feelings, and a lot of them are going to be confusing. John?

19:02 Yes.

19:02 Adam You're 30.

19:03 Caller Yes. Hi, guys. How are you doing?

19:04 Good.

19:06 Caller My question is, I want to, I want my ejaculation to stream harder and further.

19:13 Drew Right.

19:14 Caller And I was wondering if there was anything I can do about that.

19:17 Drew Why?

19:19 Caller Well, because it's a turn on to two of my girlfriends.

19:23 Adam Okay. Here's what you do. Girlfriends, by the way. Hey, John?

19:28 Caller Yeah.

19:28 Adam John, remember you were in school and junior high and high school and you go down to get a drink out of the drinking fountain and some Joker stuff gum in it. And it squirted you right in the eye. I'm telling you, shove gum, shove gum in your penis. I've done this before, Drew. Think about it. You have the drinking fountain, you turn the handle, the thing comes out, you know, makes a three or four inch arch and then falls down into the basin, right? But you shove a little gum in there, break a pencil off in there, that thing flies up and hits the ceiling. Same thing with the penis.

20:03 Drew What is with this guy?

20:05 Adam Oh, he's just an idiot. And it's always funny to me when guys like this say girlfriends, because when I close my eyes and picture the girlfriends, I either picture like prostitutes or just something that he scraped up off the underside of some trash can lid somewhere.

20:25 Drew But no woman, I doubt there's a woman walking on a planet that has ever sort of wished their guy would do that.

20:32 Adam More semen, please.

20:34 Drew And farther and with more, and greater force. Many, many years I've been doing this show, now what, 16 years? Yes. That topic has never been raised.

20:41 Adam You've never heard, could you get just a little more on the curtain behind the bed?

20:45 Drew I'm concerned about my boyfriend. It's just something I really need for the account to be gratifying.

20:51 Adam You got one eye, but what about the other? I don't know, see? No, no, no, no, no, you just, I'm convinced, women would be happy if nothing came out, like a smokeless ashtray or cigarette. We're either trying to work out the smokeless cigarettes for a while. They'd love a smokeless penis.

21:11 Drew But let's back to that thing we brought up last night, is why in porn films do they have that shot?

21:17 Adam Huh?

21:17 Drew Why do they have that?

21:19 Adam What, the money shot?

21:20 Drew Yeah.

21:21 Adam Well, here's the thing.

21:22 Drew Doesn't that gross guys out?

21:24 Adam Uh, no.

21:25 Drew It doesn't?

21:26 Adam No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. I'll tell you what. Let me explain what the allure and the attraction of the money shot is in a porn movie.

21:36 Drew It escapes me entirely, so please. It's not for women. We can establish that.

21:41 Adam Not for women who are watching?

21:43 Drew Right.

21:44 Adam No, but women don't watch much pornography.

21:46 Drew But for even those that would, no woman would find that an appealing thing. All right.

21:51 Adam Well, since there's only one man in this room, I'll be doing the talking on pornography for just a second.

21:57 Drew Well, you've done this fieldwork, too, so.

21:59 Adam Certainly have. If you want to call fieldwork, whacking off my bedroom, technically fieldwork.

22:05 Drew You've done it enough times to call it a lot of things.

22:07 Adam I do extensive indoor fieldwork. Okay. A, it's a crescendo. It means it's done. It's why they save the symbols for the end of the song. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bum-bum-bum-bum. But the other way is to- Hold on. You know when they do a fireworks display? You know the biggest, best is at the very end. It's like it's how you know it's over.

22:30 Drew But let's say-

22:31 Adam And time to fast forward for me.

22:33 Drew Let's say they indicate that, right, the other way is to indicate it.

22:36 Adam Yeah, but showing a guy's sweaty face going, oh, yeah, that ain't it, that ain't it. You know it's over.

22:44 Drew Is it because guys then go, yeah, they're not really doing it or something?

22:47 Adam All right, yes, yes, you do, yes. Okay, there is that, there is that. So it is a verification. It's a verification. It's a crescendo. It means-

22:59 Drew So the veracity of the moment is sustained, yes, okay.

23:01 Adam Yes.

23:02 Drew And there's a musical, it's a musical element. We build, there's a coda at the end, yes, a coda, okay, yeah.

23:08 Adam Now-

23:09 Drew Any other artistic framework we want to put this in?

23:11 Adam Yes. Number three- I think it came from the fact- I lost my train of thought. Okay, number three is there's a certain upping of the ante that goes on in our society and has been going on for a number of years.

23:27 Drew With pornography.

23:28 Adam With pornography, with sports, with everything. I mean, with pro-wrestling.

23:34 Drew Did they show those kinds of things?

23:35 Adam Pro-wrestling from the 60s and look at pro-wrestling now. Look at what guys do in the NFL. They used to tackle guys. Now, they take their heads off. They used to do layups. Now, they do monster jams.

23:48 Drew But did they show those shots in like Taboo 2?

23:54 Adam Yes.

23:54 Drew OK, so that argument doesn't hold.

23:56 Adam No, but it was not. No, it was the money shot. But it's where the change lands.

24:02 Drew What?

24:02 Adam Not how much money is coming out of the nickel roll.

24:05 Drew No, I'm just wondering why they have it at all.

24:07 Adam Hold on, I'm confused myself.

24:08 Drew I wonder why they have it at all. Well, first. It's a bizarre thing.

24:10 Adam OK, OK, here's. OK, you want the chronology? First born movies probably did not have what they call a money shot. They did not have anything, any semen coming out of anyone's penis, right? Now, as the ante gets upped, then you have to keep pushing the envelope. And now you got the money shot. Well, where's the money shot? It's on the carpet. Then it goes to the belly. Then it goes from the belly to the chest. Then it goes from the chest to the face. Then it goes from the face to the sphincter. And now it goes on to the midget sphincter. And then it's on the bisexual midget sphincters wearing the devil's cape and pitchfork. And it just keeps going from there. You understand? Yeah.

24:57 Drew I don't know if I buy your analysis, Bill.

24:59 Adam We live in a society where the ante is up. I mean, speaking of that, I mean, like we've talked about when we have some of these guys in here from the X Games or something. Look what guys are doing on skateboards and bikes. I mean, if you could get both wheels in the air higher than six inches 20 years ago, you're considered ready to turn pro. Now, you got to take both feet off the pegs and blow yourself before you hit the ground.

25:26 Drew Although they're doing extreme things, those things don't disgust the entire human race.

25:32 Adam All right. Two more quick points and then we go to break. A, pornography oftentimes is for guys that aren't crazy about gals.

25:40 Drew Right. That's true. All right. There you go. There you go. That's the deal.

25:44 Adam A little pink eye for the road feels pretty good to most guys who are watching.

25:48 Drew Because the whole thing is a big aggression against women. A lot of it is.

25:51 Adam A decent amount of it is. And number eight now, oh, I found one that Drew likes. All my other ones are nil and void except for that one. The other one is too, is sometimes the guy's penis represents your penis under a magnifying glass in my case. But his penis is my penis and I would like to have an orgasm.

26:10 Drew Is his your penis instructing your penis at the time?

26:13 Adam Is it talking to it? No, the dog instructs my penis. I just watch his. But his penis may become my penis at a certain point, and I want to have an orgasm.

26:24 Drew I understand.

26:24 Adam You see?

26:25 Drew Got it. Now you're starting to make sense.

26:27 Adam Thank you very much.

26:28 Drew Now go back on the floor and figure out how to make an orgasm.

26:32 Adam I'll work that out. All right, it is Loveline. We'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak with Lee. Lee is 18. How to tell boyfriend of two years that she is in love with her best friend who is a girl. We'll get to that after this.

26:51 We'll be right back with more Loveline.

27:29 Adam I'll tell you something, kids. Drew and I, we sit around all damn night and just try to figure out how stuff works.

27:37 Drew People.

27:37 Adam That's all we do. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. That is exactly what it sounds like during the show.

27:45 Drew Except Lisa came in and tried to assist us. She really got into it too.

27:48 Adam Yeah.

27:48 Drew Offered some good advice.

27:49 Adam Yeah. Phone screener and interim producer, Lisa came in and explained why guys were attracted to the facial money shot. It's a little bit of who's boss now, honey. Let's face it.

28:04 Drew It's aggression.

28:04 Adam Guys that are attracted to porn in general. In general.

28:08 Drew Aggressive.

28:09 Adam A little bit. Yeah. Sure. I mean, after the age of how old am I? 35, 36, I'd say it becomes aggressive.

28:15 Drew Again, it's who's their predominant audience they're trying to serve.

28:20 Adam Right.

28:20 Drew That's the deal.

28:21 Adam Right. Absolutely. Not a bunch of guys that are in love with their mother and their wife.

28:25 Drew Right.

28:26 Adam Okay.

28:27 Drew Where are we?

28:28 Adam Okay. Drew, stop the doodling. Lee?

28:30 Yeah.

28:31 Adam You're 18.

28:32 Caller Yeah. Hi. How are you doing, guys? Good. Well, as you can tell, I have a bit of a problem. I've been going out with my boyfriend, Matt, for about two years now and I love him a lot. But about a year ago, one of my best friends who I've known a lot of my life, I started having feelings for.

28:51 Adam Female?

28:52 Caller Yeah, female.

28:55 Adam You got to figure, you name your girl, Lee, you're asking for trouble in the lesbian department. You can blame your parents for that one.

29:03 Caller Well, see, that's the thing. I mean, I tried to, you know, excuse me, forget about it. But, you know, the feelings kept getting stronger and stronger. And like every time I hang out with her, you know, I just, I, I always.

29:18 Adam Do you think, right. Okay, you're into her. Do you think she has any feelings for you?

29:21 Caller See, I don't know, man. I don't know, like, I don't know how to like ask her or whatever. And I also don't know how to tell my boyfriend.

29:28 Drew Oh boy.

29:29 Caller But the other thing is, I mean, I love my boyfriend a lot too.

29:31 Drew Yeah.

29:32 Caller You know what I mean?

29:33 Adam Well, what would make you think that you even had a snowball's chance in hell with this girl?

29:39 Caller Just because, well, there's been a few occasions where we'd be hanging out with a bunch of us, you know, and I'd look at her, you know, and like sort of gaze and like she'd look at me back and gaze back. And you kind of get that kind of signal.

29:55 Drew A feeling, a feeling.

29:56 Adam I remember when I was looking at this gaze back once, working pretty good. All right, just a little pun joke there, Drew. Nothing bad with that, gaze and back. All right, hey, Lee? Yeah. Geez, and you're really in love with your boyfriend?

30:13 Caller I am. I mean, he's been there for me for two years. I mean, through all the hard times that I've been through.

30:18 Drew What hard times? What are you talking about?

30:20 Caller There's been, I mean, I've had a little problem with my dad.

30:23 Drew What happened?

30:24 Adam Oh, now we're getting to it.

30:26 Caller We, like, I, my dad mentally and verbally abused me my whole life. Okay. And so a couple years ago when I had a falling out with him, I just didn't want to put up with that anymore.

30:36 Drew Good.

30:36 Caller You know, he was there for me and I-

30:38 Drew What did you do?

30:39 Caller What do you mean? You moved out? I've been through therapy and everything and I haven't spoken to my dad since. And I'm, you know, that whole issue, from my point of view and from my therapist's point of view is totally clear.

30:51 Drew What is the issue?

30:53 Caller Just that I don't want to have anything to do with him. I don't want to put up with what he made me put up with for the past 16 years.

30:59 Adam What did he do?

31:01 Caller He was just very abusive towards me. He'd always tell me that I sucked and that I was worthless and that sort of thing.

31:07 Adam Well, you maybe had a comment.

31:09 Drew I can imagine she wouldn't want to be around man after that. After your comment especially.

31:13 Adam Okay. Hey, Lee.

31:14 Drew Yeah.

31:15 Adam Yeah. You think you like girls or you think you really hate your dad?

31:20 Caller No. You know what it is? I think I've...

31:24 Drew Or you just like this one girl?

31:25 Caller Just this one girl.

31:26 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, go ahead.

31:28 Caller I don't find any other girls attractive. I just find this one particular one.

31:32 Drew Let me just tell you something, Lee. This is one thing to watch out for. Is that people that have been abused will eroticize caring contact. If somebody is genuinely available to you and cares for you, that will become an erotic moment for you oftentimes.

31:48 Adam Yeah.

31:48 Drew And people do that all the time. It's not even about sexual orientation. It's about the way they manage their feelings.

31:55 Adam And they put all their eggs in one emotional basket too. They find somebody and they lock onto them with their radar, and then they start whipping up all these elaborate fantasies about the person. I don't know why the more screwed up you get or somebody made you the more you lock on to somebody else. But if you really look at it, that's the essence of stocking.

32:17 Drew Right. Oh, yes. Fantasy.

32:19 Adam You screwed with someone who is terribly screwed with, and then they lock onto David Letterman, and they start believing they're married. Okay. I don't know. I don't trust this one. Harmony?

32:31 Yeah.

32:31 Adam You're 15?

32:32 Yeah.

32:33 Adam You want to locate your sister that you were separated from as a baby?

32:37 Yeah. All right.

32:39 Adam How come?

32:41 Well, when I was two years old, my mom died. And that caused my dad to get very upset and emotional. And so he killed himself. And I was separated away. I was taken away from my sister. I was taken to another place. And her and my brother were taken to some other family or whatever. And when I was probably around eight, I was sitting with my stepmom, my aunt. And we were looking through a photo album. And I saw this one picture of these two little girls. And they looked exactly like. And there was a little boy standing behind them. And I asked her who it was. And she said that it was my, it was me on the right and my twin on the left.

33:32 And there was a boy behind.

33:34 Drew It was a twin?

33:35 Yeah.

33:35 Drew Oh boy.

33:36 And then the boy behind us was my brother. And when that happened, I was eight. And then when I was nine, I got a letter in the mail from him. And his name is Christopher. And I went to go write back. And what ended up happening was the letter was sent back to me. And it was said that the address did not exist. And all this stuff happened. And he's never tried to contact me again. And I know that if I find my sister, which will be easier, because we're twins and we're obviously going to look like, that if I find her, then I'll probably find my brother because I was told that they were kept together.

34:13 Drew Boy, I could see where you'd want to pursue this. You usually kind of discourage this kind of thing. But this is-

34:18 Adam Well, with their parents, but their brother or sister, fine. Although be prepared for a huge disappointment. Everyone turns out to be crap.

34:26 Drew But the twin issue, that bond the twins have, the people, je ne sais quoi, that's something that people try to write about.

34:32 Adam Je ne sais quoi is French for a little something different, a little something else, a little something you can't explain.

34:46 Drew I don't know what it means. Literally, I don't know.

34:48 Adam Yeah, but the way they use it is, if someone has a certain je ne sais quoi, it's a certain something, a certain extra.

34:57 Drew I don't know what.

34:58 Adam Supermodels may have a certain je ne sais quoi.

35:01 Drew But be that as it may, it's something that twins or it's well written about, that there is a bond there and that is something that I can imagine you would feel empty in a piece of yourself having been lost that you'd want to reestablish contact with.

35:14 Yeah.

35:15 Adam Hey, Harmony.

35:16 Yeah.

35:17 Adam Where were you when your dad killed himself?

35:21 I was at the babysitter.

35:22 Adam Oh, okay. I guess everyone was being looked after?

35:26 Caller Yeah.

35:27 All three of us, I guess, were with the babysitter.

35:29 Adam All right. How old is your brother?

35:32 I think he's four years older than us.

35:33 Adam I'm not quite sure. With all this Internet stuff and stuff now, it's pretty easy to find somebody. Now, you don't know her last name.

35:42 No. Mine used to be Gilmore, but it was changed to a different last name when I was adopted by my aunt and my uncle.

35:52 Adam Hey, do you know how to work a computer?

35:54 Yeah.

35:55 Adam You do?

35:55 Yeah.

35:56 Adam Jeez, I wish I knew how to work a computer.

35:58 Drew Do you want to-

35:59 Adam You get on the computer and they have all these, I was just talking about it with someone today. They have all these sites, these search sites for locating people now. Just get on the computer and start fumbling your way through it and see what you can find in terms of these sites that locate people. Maybe it costs 50 bucks, I don't know. But-

36:19 Drew Do you want to give out her last name and the city and state she's calling from, Elise?

36:22 Caller No. All right.

36:24 Adam Harmony?

36:25 Yeah.

36:26 Adam 40 bucks?

36:27 Drew You want to give out your last name and the city and state you're calling from, just so you can give a hint. This is one of your-

36:32 Pardon me, I can't hear you, sorry.

36:33 Drew Do you want to give out your last name and the city and state you're calling from, just in case there's a family member listening that can-

36:40 No, not really.

36:42 Adam Well, okay. There you go, Drew. Glad we got her back. You try to help the kids. Greg? Yes. Yeah. Hold on. I'm going to talk to Harmony one more second. Harmony. Harmony. Yeah. Here's your best chance of finding it. You ready? Aerial surveillance. Aerial? Aerial surveillance. Just write that down. Aerial surveillance. If it, you know, because the top of her head looks the same as Harmony's, right, Drew? Greg?

37:15 Caller Yes.

37:15 Adam You're 18.

37:17 Caller Yes.

37:17 Adam What's up?

37:19 Caller Well, I have a little problem. I am, I kind of like me and this girl, we kind of have this little thing going on. But the problem is, is that she is my best friend's girlfriend.

37:39 Adam Right. All right.

37:40 Caller So, but I just got out of her relationship also. And like, I mean, when I was talking to the girl on the phone, she said that it was irrelevant, but it really isn't because I think if I wasn't getting involved with this girl right now, I'd be back with my old girlfriend.

37:59 Adam Yeah.

38:01 Caller And so, like, I don't know what to do. It's almost like a no-

38:05 Adam All right. I don't care. How can I not care so much?

38:09 Drew Because he seems to have no connection with what he's doing to all these other people. You know?

38:15 Adam No remorse, no nothing. I always think of me. I don't care about him.

38:19 Drew Well, the fact is he shouldn't be screwing with his friend's girlfriend, and that's just a mess.

38:23 Adam Okay. Stop screwing around with your friend's girlfriend. Or if you're in love with her, tell her she's got to break up with.

38:29 Drew Quick. Immediately.

38:30 Adam Yeah. Let me just say one thing to someone here. Gina?

38:33 Yeah.

38:33 Adam You're 22?

38:34 Caller Uh-huh.

38:35 Adam You have an opinion on me?

38:37 Caller Well, yeah. I had a question also. I heard on the radio last night that you guys were going to be in Santa Barbara.

38:44 Adam That's right.

38:45 Caller When was that? I didn't write it down.

38:46 Drew Next Saturday?

38:47 Adam The 15th.

38:48 Drew UC Santa Barbara.

38:50 Caller UC Santa Barbara.

38:51 Adam That's right.

38:52 Drew Somewhere. That was outside, I think.

38:55 Caller Okay.

38:55 Drew That was never work outside, by the way.

38:57 Caller Yeah. Okay. It's actually just my opinion about you, Adam. I also heard a young lady call in last night and tell you that you were very sexy.

39:06 Adam That's right. That's one. I've been doing the show for four and a half years. I get one.

39:15 Caller Dr. Drew kept asking the young girl why.

39:18 Adam What was wrong with her?

39:20 Yeah.

39:21 Caller Well, my opinion is if you want to hear it, I think you're sexy because there's an appeal to you.

39:27 Drew Because you're sexy. Slow down.

39:29 Adam Let me write this down.

39:30 Drew Adam, you're sexy because you're sexy.

39:31 Adam There's an appeal to me.

39:33 Caller There's an appeal to you. It's almost like someone can do or say almost anything in front of you and it's okay, very comfortable.

39:41 Drew Nobody can be ashamed of themselves as Adam should be.

39:44 Caller No.

39:45 Drew I see.

39:46 Caller You can always do or say anything in front of Adam and it'd be okay.

39:50 Drew That equals sexy. Women have a different perception of what's sexy.

39:53 Caller Well, you could be yourself around Adam.

39:55 Adam Yeah. All right.

39:56 Caller That's it.

39:57 Adam Okay.

39:58 Caller Thank you.

39:58 Adam Thanks, Gina.

39:59 Caller Bye.

39:59 Adam Hey, Gina. Yes. If we see you in Santa Barbara, I don't want you to be yourself. Okay?

40:06 Caller All right.

40:07 Adam All right.

40:07 Caller Bye.

40:08 Adam Okay. I want you to wear three girdles, a corset cinched up extra tight, and speak with a Yiddish accent.

40:18 Drew But Swahili, Swahili really do.

40:20 Adam What is sexy about? You know, let me tell you the problem about life. It's one big fat disappointment after the next. Even when something good, and I've been doing this show for over four years, and once every 14 months, someone calls up and says, Adam's cute, and then has a question about methadone. But just at the point where I think I'm getting a little momentum going with the ladies, the payoff is so anti-climactic, you know what I mean? You know, last night a girl called said Adam was sexy, couldn't quite articulate it, couldn't quite put it into words, but I'm here to straighten them out and explain why. I'm leaning back and I'm thinking, good, she's going for the eyes, maybe the ass. It's going to be something good. I'm really going to have a spirited round of masturbation and I'm thinking about myself, you know. And what is the reason I'm sexy? Because I hold still while you talk. Because I will not pass judgment. Hey, a dog will do that. A retarded guy will do that. Anyone will do that. Drew, you do that.

41:27 Drew I do that.

41:28 Adam Everyone does that. That doesn't make you sexy. All right, listen, I'm going to need better than that. You people are going to have to really dig deep and get creative and call in and explain why I'm sexy.

41:43 Drew Oh, God.

41:44 Adam Because I swear to God, I'll go home and kill myself. All right, we'll be back after this.

41:49 Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, back in a minute.

41:52 Caller Well, it's worth hearing. Meet Loveline.

42:24 Adam I'm Adam. It's Papa Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

42:32 Drew Yeah.

42:33 Adam Ready to get back on the phone here, Drew?

42:35 Drew I don't see any calls about you being sexy up there.

42:37 Caller I'm sorry. Don't worry, though.

42:39 Adam The gents will call in any minute now. Alex?

42:42 Caller Hello.

42:42 Adam You're 16.

42:43 Caller Yes.

42:44 Adam What's up?

42:45 I was wondering if there's a remedy for a bad trip.

42:50 Drew A remedy? In what sense? What is it you're looking for?

42:54 Like, you know, if you're on acid or shrooms or something, is there, like, I mean, is there some, I mean, when you're going through, like, a bad trip, you know what I'm saying? Say a bad trip?

43:01 Drew Yeah.

43:02 Adam What are you trying to say, a bad trip?

43:04 No, no.

43:11 Adam You know, listen, the guy just said, F you. But he didn't say it in a mean way. I mean, he was saying it like he was kidding around.

43:21 Drew Put you on the radio.

43:23 Adam But here's the, here's what goes on with a lot of our callers. You don't realize that smoking a ton of weed and dropping a bunch of acid, you don't realize what it does to you. But I guarantee you, if you didn't smoke a bunch of weed, do a bunch of mushrooms, and drop a bunch of acid, you would not say F you to somebody who was on a national radio show when you were on a national radio show after you've been on hold for 34 minutes. Do you know what I'm saying?

43:57 Drew Absolutely.

43:58 Adam And you'll chalk that up to anything but that. But I'm telling you, it's that.

44:02 Drew Yeah.

44:02 Adam That and a sprinkling of stupidity, but mostly that. And you don't know it. I was telling my buddy the wheeze this the other day. He's smoking a bunch of weed. He was over at my house. He was cutting a bunch of stuff up and he screwed up a whole bunch of stuff. He's like, hey, listen, I'm not a master carpenter. I was like, hey, listen, you're stoned. No, no, no, no, no. I just know.

44:25 Drew You're on drugs.

44:26 Adam Yeah.

44:27 Drew Brain isn't working.

44:27 Adam No, it doesn't affect me. It's like, why do you do it? You know what I mean?

44:31 Drew Yeah, it doesn't affect you.

44:32 Why do you do it?

44:33 Adam Listen, there's nothing wrong with smoking a little weed, but those of you who wake and bake, those of you who are 16 and doing ass and dropping mushrooms twice a week, you people, you think it doesn't affect you? It affects you.

44:47 Drew A lot.

44:47 Adam I can tell.

44:48 Drew Well, good, I'm glad you say that. Because I-

44:49 Adam Of course.

44:50 Drew And we know that. We know that it does. To have to defend against-

44:54 Adam I got high. New Year's Eve, I started eating my slipper. Of course it affects you. Brad?

45:02 Caller Yeah?

45:03 Drew Let me answer this question, though. This question was, can you do anything in a bad trip? And yeah, what we do in a hospital, like if somebody comes into an emergency room with that kind of thing, is you give them large doses of benzodiazepines, Valium-like drugs.

45:14 Caller Oh, really?

45:15 Drew It does sort of slow things down, but there's nothing anybody's- if you're having a bad trip-

45:20 Adam You mean you take drugs on top of drugs?

45:23 Drew Oh, yeah.

45:24 Adam Would you give me one of them Valium?

45:26 Drew For what?

45:27 Adam For what? Whatever. What if I have a bad trip? Okay. Start eating another one of my slippers? I mean, I've been hearing about Valium. All right. Either give me a Valium or a Quailute, because I've been hearing about- Okay. Well, now you got to give me a Valium. Now too, because you can't give me the Quail- you can't score the Quailute. I've been hearing about this Valium for a hundred years. I've never ever taken one.

45:50 Drew It's the same as- very similar to the sleeping medications you've taken. Very similar.

45:56 Adam That's true. I got all hyped out on Vicodin and that turned out to be nothing.

46:01 Drew Yeah. So.

46:03 Adam Okay. Brad?

46:04 Yeah.

46:05 Adam You're 16.

46:07 Yeah. First off, I'd like to say that you both are great. I listen to your show every night. And this question is mainly for Dr. Drew. Yeah. I've been getting ingrown toenails for at least the last couple of months. So I finally went and saw a podiatrist and we did a surgery to remove them. And in order to prevent them from going back to use some sort of an acid, which she said was over 95 percent effective, but may have some side effects, but really didn't go into what the side effects were.

46:42 Drew You used an acid on the toenail?

46:46 Well, what he did is on the left side, he totally numbed the toe.

46:51 Drew Yeah.

46:52 Then he sliced down.

46:54 Drew Right, and pulled off the rest of the nail.

46:55 Yeah. He pulled off part of the ingrown.

46:58 Drew Yeah.

46:58 And then I guess where the nail grows out, he used some sort of acid to stop it.

47:04 Adam All right, Drew, you got to talk to him off the air.

47:06 That's fine.

47:06 Drew That's fine.

47:07 Adam Can you?

47:08 Drew I will. It's no problem.

47:09 Adam Really? Because I just had enough about the ingrown.

47:12 Caller That's fine.

47:13 Adam Now, when we come back, I think we're going to talk to you with John, who was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. Poor guy. Drew, the guy has Tourette's Syndrome. He had a hole for 67 minutes. Imagine the kind of language he's using. OK. With your name. All right, we'll be back after this.

47:31 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

48:02 Adam All right, we're going to take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

48:09 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

48:24 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Drew's got his personal computer hooked up here. He's on the drdrew.com.

48:35 Drew And I'm trying to get into a chat room.

48:36 Adam Wanna know if I've ever went in a chat room? Yes, here's the chat room experience I have, Drew. Once or twice a year, K-Rock, the mother station here out in Los Angeles, throws a big concert, the Weenie Roast or the Acoustic Christmas. And they begged me to go in and sit down with these Earthlink chat rooms.

48:57 Drew Right.

48:58 Adam I believe that it's Earthlink. And there's always some annoying woman. Oh, you have to sit down and chat. We have Adam, and first off, I can't type, so it's uncomfortable, but it's okay. They have a woman who types for me. Why do all women who type well have incredibly long fingernails? You know, I'm always like, how is it you type with those claws growing out of your fingers that way? Don't worry, Connie will type for you. So now is the new, so I sit down. Okay, type, type, type. Adam is here. Type, type, type, type. Where's Dr. Drew? I don't know. Type, type, type. I don't know. Where's Drew? Type, type, type. I don't know. Where's Blink 182? Type, type, type. I don't know. When is Blink 182 going to be on the chat room? I don't know. Type, type, type, type. He doesn't know. Where's Drew? Type, type. He don't know. You rule, Adam. Do you want to respond to that? Thank you. Type, type, type. Thank you. And then there's a whole list of questions now scrolling by. You're gay. You're an A-hole. I love you.

50:08 Drew That's stuff you don't even see.

50:09 Adam Marry me. It's just going bye, bye, bye. And then there'll be one that says, I went to North Hollywood High 2. What year did you graduate? 1982. Type, type, type. 1982. And I sit there for about 10 minutes, and I look around and I go, what the hell are we doing?

50:24 Drew Yes.

50:24 Adam And they look at me and they go, we're in the chat room. And I go, yeah, but this sucks. And they go, yeah, it is kind of lame. And I go, yeah, can I leave now? And they go, yeah, sorry. And I leave. Six months later, the next concert comes up, Adam, Adam, please, you have to come into the chat room. They're dying to talk to you. All right. Sit down. Where's Blink 182? You know, these things are worthless unless you're trying to get laid. They really are. They swear to Christ, Drew.

50:55 Drew I'm going to pull up one of our chats here.

50:56 Adam You just said you're going to do that 10 minutes ago. You pulled up a recipe for gazpacho.

51:01 Drew No, I'll get one of our chats here. You'll see that they have to be sort of facilitated by some. First of all, our chats are sort of organized in ways that-

51:07 Adam It's just a bunch of random thoughts scrolling by the thousand miles an hour.

51:12 Drew You'd be amazed. Some people really get into interesting kinds of conversations, support each other, develop relationships-

51:17 Adam How can one guy talk to 30,000 people and have an interesting conversation?

51:24 Drew The rooms usually don't get bigger than 15, 20 people, and they go to other rooms if they're bigger than that.

51:28 Adam Everyone has a retarded handle. Chewy from Alhambra wants to know where Blink 182 is. Look at these things.

51:36 Drew You ever seen these things? Watch what I'm going to do here.

51:38 Adam It's just a huge waste of time.

51:40 Drew No, no, watch this.

51:40 Adam These chat rooms.

51:41 Drew Well, look at this. Look at these forums. See this?

51:42 Adam Listen, if you have a TV set, you should not be wasting your time in a chat room.

51:46 Drew Look at these forums. People post up, in our forums, I'm in drdrew.com here on the site now. I'm going to join you guys in a chat room if I can just break in. And you can post messages and stories and things that have happened to you.

51:59 Adam Oh yeah, there's one.

51:59 Drew People will call and respond to you. Wait a minute.

52:00 Adam Where's Blink 182? Fine. All right, can we move on here, Drew? I think you've proved my point quite nicely. John?

52:08 Yeah.

52:09 Adam You're 17.

52:10 Caller Yeah.

52:10 Adam Okay, you just got diagnosed with Tourette's.

52:13 Caller I've actually had it for about a few years now. And all the medications that I've done, like I've had like serious, serious side effects. Like I was on this medication called Clonidine, and I had like really bad chest pains for a couple years. And they thought I had a heart murmur, but it was just like skipping beats all over the place. And I don't know, it's a big mess. And one of the medications I had made me lose like a bunch of weight, and I was always sleeping. I almost fell out of high school.

52:36 Drew How does your Tourette's manifest?

52:39 Caller I'm ADHD.

52:41 Drew Do you know that ADD, ADHD, Tourette's, OCD, and addiction are all very closely related conditions?

52:48 Caller I was on the Ritalin for about a year and a half, and then like the twitches started, like it started out, like it was just like minor facial tics, and then it went to like more like my shoulder would like pop out, sometimes it's like fly around, my neck like swings around every once in a while, and like sometimes I'll have vocal outbursts, but I pretty much keep those under control, like when they happen I just like I'll just like start, I make my face twitch to like get around like the vocal stuff.

53:11 Adam So I mean if you feel a vocal outburst coming on, you can keep your mouth closed and let it manifest itself in a physical way.

53:21 Caller I can, sometimes I can do that, otherwise if it's like if I feel like it's really strong, I can just like I'll make like a little, like a little noise or something come out and I'll try to cover it up by like coughing or like clearing my throat or something which is really-

53:34 Drew So the manifestations are not real profound, right? They're not disturbing your life or infecting your productivity.

53:40 Caller Yeah, like every once in a while, like when I twitch a lot, like my facial stuff.

53:45 Drew You're able to function okay, right?

53:47 Caller What's that?

53:47 Drew You function okay socially?

53:49 Caller Actually, I've been made fun of like pretty much since I've had it.

53:53 Drew So you'd like to have the symptoms under control?

53:55 Caller Yeah. Plus, it's like, I like it's a bit endangering me sometimes. Like I'll be skating down the street and I'll be like twitching a lot and I can't tell what's going on. I'll fall like rip my face up on the ground. That's not very fun.

54:07 Adam All right. So, Drew, what should you do?

54:11 Drew There's tons of different medication for Tourette's now and I think you ought to keep trying to find something that works, but he needs to be sure that he's being treated by a doctor who really has a great deal of experience dealing with Tourette's. Clonidine, a reasonable drug for Tourette's, very limited side effects, but it didn't work for him. He's got to find something that works. All right.

54:29 Adam So, you keep experimenting.

54:30 Drew Well, not experimenting. You just get with somebody who knows how to treat this.

54:32 Adam Well, I mean, you try another medication to see if it works.

54:36 Drew Yes.

54:38 Adam Cindy?

54:39 Yes.

54:39 Adam You're 36.

54:40 Caller I am.

54:41 Adam What's up?

54:42 Caller Well, actually, I was just listening. Like everyone else, I listen to you every night, but I-

54:47 Adam Drew, stop it with the marks a lot. Please, I'm going to kill myself. Go ahead.

54:51 Drew Like everyone else?

54:52 Caller Well, when I hear people calling in and saying, I listen to you every night, and I do. I'm a health care professional, and it cracks me up. You guys do a great job giving excellent information to people. But I think that the attraction to you, Adam, is that you have a great sense of humor. I mean, I'm sure that's why they chose you to be on the show.

55:15 Drew It's kind of masked in the whole cultured and very erudite presentation, but there is humor there.

55:25 Adam I'm the Tony Randall of late night FM radio.

55:27 Drew There is humor there.

55:28 Caller It is. I mean, it's fun to listen to, but the information that you give is so accurate.

55:34 Adam Well, what's the part about me that's attractive? That's what I'd like to find out.

55:38 Caller You always dog yourself, I mean, about the way you look.

55:41 Adam Sure.

55:42 Caller And you are not unattractive.

55:44 Adam Thank you.

55:45 Caller And I don't have cable. I'm one of those people who haven't stepped even into the 1900s. But I just have seen like little snippets on television or have seen you both.

55:57 Adam So you're calling to say I'm not unattractive?

56:01 Caller I don't think. Right.

56:02 Adam Thank you.

56:03 Caller I mean, I think that you are attractive. I should say that you're not unattractive, but you are attractive, but you're also making more attractive, that you have a great sense of humor.

56:11 Adam I see. Thank you. Well, now I'm starting to warm up.

56:16 Drew You like that, huh?

56:17 Adam Well, it started a little shaky with the, you're not unattractive. It started an hour ago when somebody called in, said they were in love with me because I was very attractive, and I was bracing myself for something nice, and what they ended up with was, I'm very attractive because you feel like you can say anything to me.

56:43 Drew Like they could do anything in front of you, in your presence, anything goes, therefore that's sexy.

56:48 Adam Right. What I was saying is, although I'll take any compliment, I'd like to hear tight ass once in a while. Do you know what I'm saying?

57:01 Drew Yeah, you'd like to hear that.

57:02 Adam Hey, I would like to hear. I may not have the tiniest ass. I got to tell you though, I'm good looking for radio.

57:09 Drew Yeah. By radio standards, we both are over the top.

57:11 Adam Yeah. I don't know what it is with our listeners. I twist their arm and all I can get out of them is, there's nothing wrong with you, but you're funny. Maybe I'm asking for too much. I think I'm asking for too much.

57:25 Drew Let's keep interview our listeners.

57:27 Adam Lacey?

57:28 Hi.

57:28 Adam You're 18 years old? All right. Now you think I'm attractive.

57:32 Caller Yeah. You have this look like kind of like a little kid but better.

57:38 Adam You do.

57:38 Caller You have nice arms. I have never seen your ass. I can't say it's nice.

57:41 Drew Nice arms?

57:42 Adam I have the world's. I have skinny arms. That's my worst part.

57:45 Drew But you got the same hair there that you do from the waist down.

57:49 Caller I think they look nice.

57:50 Drew Right?

57:50 Adam Thank you.

57:51 Caller My little sister thinks that you're really good looking too.

57:53 Adam All righty then. How old is she?

57:56 Caller She's 15.

57:57 Adam 15?

57:58 Caller Yeah, 15.

57:59 Adam That's fine. All right. Well, now we're getting somewhere. Thank you, Lacey.

58:03 Caller You're welcome.

58:03 Adam Okay.

58:04 Caller Bye.

58:04 Adam Bye-bye. All right. Drew, listen, let the listeners make their point. Don't go right to the hairy ass. Please.

58:12 Drew Why? You have attractive arms. That's reaching, don't you think?

58:14 Adam Yeah, that is. That's way out there. Adam? Yeah?

58:18 Drew How they see you? You don't show your arms in television.

58:21 Adam I once in a while wear a short-sleeve shirt. Well, the man show I do. But I have skinny arms. There's nothing attractive about my arms. Adam?

58:28 Yeah?

58:29 Adam Yeah, you're 21.

58:30 Caller I am. That's true.

58:31 Adam What do you find attractive about me, Adam?

58:34 Caller I'm going to go with your hair.

58:36 Adam Hair? Nappy hair?

58:37 Caller I would do anything to get your hair.

58:38 Adam Wow. Are you thinning out?

58:41 Caller No, I'm just, my hair is straight. It doesn't really do anything.

58:44 Adam Yeah.

58:44 Caller And yours looks like it's pretty active.

58:46 Adam Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey, Drew. Look at this.

58:50 Drew Yeah, I just...

58:50 Adam Look how active that hair is. Yeah. That's active hair. That's like a yeast culture.

58:59 Drew You, though, people only understood the road that you've traveled to get to this point. Look at this hair. With your hair. With your hair. Ironing your hair.

59:06 Adam Look, I didn't iron my hair.

59:07 Drew You would have if somebody suggested it, wouldn't you?

59:10 Adam If I could have made it straight, yeah.

59:11 Drew That's right.

59:12 Adam Of course. Yeah. All right. Well, anyway, what's going on there? You know, every, I think every six months, I do 10 minutes on my hair and how it's, it now caused me to get into therapy full time. And I'll explain it some other day. So what's your problem, Adam?

59:29 Caller Here's the situation. I've been living with a couple roommates for about six months now. And I've been dating this girl for about three months. And, you know, she's been coming over, whatever. One of my roommates has been abused in the past by his father or whatever.

59:45 Drew What way abused?

59:47 Caller Excuse me?

59:47 Drew In what way abused?

59:49 Caller Mainly verbal abuse, a lot of degrading, things like that. And he's always having to defend himself. He's a bit older. My girlfriend's eighteen. He's twenty-four. And he lived for a couple years in Japan. The issue is, he cooks a lot of Japanese food in the apartment. And she hates the smell. And it's like, OK, that's not a big deal at all to normal people. You know, she comments, oh, that stinks. I can't stand it. So this morning, she makes a comment. And he just goes off. Like, he just starts making personal attacks on her. Like, you're ignorant. I can't believe you would say that. You're racist against Japanese people. Just like completely unreasonable things. And I'm just sitting there, you know, because it's not really it's between them two. Are they drinking or anything?

1:00:48 Drew Are they drinking or anything when they have these big phones?

1:00:49 Caller Oh, no, completely. You know, it's like 10 o'clock in the morning. Completely normal time of the day. You know.

1:00:56 Adam All right. Why does she ride him with the Japanese food?

1:01:00 Caller Well, she's a girl and she's 18. And it makes her close smell when she comes out. Like all she she really likes it like he cooks it for her. She likes to eat it. You know, she really enjoys it. But she just hates the smell. And she's like, don't eat it.

1:01:17 Adam I don't know.

1:01:18 Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:19 Adam She loves the Japanese food. She loves to eat the Japanese food. She likes them to cook it, but she doesn't like the smell.

1:01:25 Drew We've got a real focus problem tonight.

1:01:27 Adam Quit cooking Japanese. Who am I, the Galloping Gourmet over here? Who cares?

1:01:33 Caller Ciao.

1:01:37 Adam Listen, forget about the Japanese food. You know, the roommates, this is his girlfriend, right?

1:01:44 Drew Yeah.

1:01:47 Adam Listen to me. Listen to me, everybody, with the roommates and the girlfriends. Here's a problem. You bring, one of the roommates has a girlfriend, he brings her home, they hang out way too much, they monopolize the living room, there's trouble.

1:02:02 Drew Yep.

1:02:03 Adam You gotta break it up.

1:02:05 Drew Break the relationship up?

1:02:06 Adam No. You go over to her house every once in a while. And if you can't go to her house, you guys go to the park every once in a while. But don't get into that thing. I mean, people do this, they've done it to me. I don't think I've done it to anybody because I never got laid, but I've had two or three roommates my entire life and sure enough, one of them will get a roommate, one of them, pardon me, will get a girlfriend, and that girlfriend will start hanging out on a nightly basis and before you know it, you'll come home, the girlfriend will be watching TV and you'll go, where's Ralph? He ain't here. Then you start thinking, who lives here? There's one VCR, I got one penis, it's there, you're watching all my children, I'm about ready to strangle somebody. And it starts getting looser and looser and looser, and before you know it, her folks, her aunt Connie's in from Minnesota and she's going to stay for just a couple of days on the sofa, I hope it's no inconvenience. And sometimes roommates don't say anything but they hate it. Limit it, everybody. I mean, have a date night, bring her home on a Saturday night, but then the next Saturday night, go over to her place, or go over to his place, or whoever it works.

1:03:17 Drew It's funny, we don't get that many roommate questions on this show. When we go to colleges and things, that's all there is.

1:03:22 Adam Amanda, you're 21.

1:03:25 Caller Hi.

1:03:25 Adam What's up?

1:03:26 Caller Well, I have a problem. Let's see, I'm 21, my husband's 41. Everything was going really, really good. We've been together for four years, and he's totally changed.

1:03:41 Drew He's changed?

1:03:42 Caller We don't talk, we don't have sex. When we do have sex, it's like, it's like, wham bam, thank you ma'am, and then he's gone. And then afterwards, he's a total asshole.

1:03:51 Caller Where's my bourbon?

1:03:53 Drew Other than around sex, what's been going on in the relationship?

1:03:55 Caller Um, other than sex?

1:03:58 Drew Yeah, other than, yeah.

1:03:59 Caller Well, he's just, he's mean. We don't communicate, and on top of that, I moved my best friend and her boyfriend in my house, and they're now broke up, and my best friend's ex-boyfriend is in love with me.

1:04:14 Drew Do you think your husband has some issues with this, perhaps?

1:04:17 Caller Well, he does have issues with it, and I've talked to him about it. I told him nothing would ever happen. I've never cheated on him before in my life.

1:04:24 Drew But don't you think he's kind of pissed that you brought these people into your home?

1:04:27 Caller Well, he wanted that. He wanted us to have roommates.

1:04:31 Adam Yeah, boy.

1:04:32 Caller And, um...

1:04:33 Drew Maybe this whole situation is stressing him out.

1:04:35 Adam All right, hold on a second. This guy's 41. How old were you when he met you?

1:04:40 Caller I was 17. He was 37.

1:04:42 Adam Oh, boy.

1:04:43 Caller He lost his virginity to me.

1:04:46 Drew He was 37?

1:04:48 Caller Wow. And it's like all he wants to do is have me suck. That's it. And, I mean, it's like...

1:04:55 Drew At least that's how it makes you feel.

1:04:57 Caller I'm starting to fall in love with my best friend's ex-boyfriend.

1:05:01 Drew This is a mess. This is a total mess.

1:05:03 Adam Let's not condemn... All right, shut up.

1:05:05 Drew He cheated.

1:05:05 Adam Oh, my God.

1:05:07 Drew Oh, what a mess. Paint the picture here. I want to know where they live and what he does for a living. Please, please.

1:05:13 Adam I'm picturing a mythical palace in the clouds with champagne rivers flowing by, unicorns, and a Pegasus that she gets up and rides to work every morning. Is that what you're picturing, Drew?

1:05:30 Drew Yeah. Except I think the whole thing was on wheels and had a little hitch attached to it.

1:05:36 Adam Wheels were removed in their center blocks there now?

1:05:38 Drew Yes.

1:05:39 Adam Okay. Oh, boy. Hey, Amanda? Yeah. Okay. What part of the construction trade is this guy in?

1:05:49 Drew He's a virgin till he's 37.

1:05:50 Adam Oh, wait, and he can't be in construction. I'm very confused now. He sends a very mixed message. On one hand, I think he must be in construction. On the other hand, he was a virgin till 37, and there's union bylaws dictate that you can not be a virgin after 19 being in any of the construction union. So, but he can't be a computer nerd.

1:06:11 Caller No, no. He's very nice looking. He is the type that is-

1:06:16 Adam All right. What does he do for a living?

1:06:17 Caller We're both on disability.

1:06:19 Adam Okay. Hold on a second.

1:06:22 Drew Oh, boy.

1:06:23 Adam NutJab number two.

1:06:24 Drew Yeah.

1:06:25 Adam Let me explain something about disability for those of you who don't know what it is. When I get in charge-

1:06:31 Drew There will be no disability, I guess. We're there.

1:06:32 Adam No. There'll be disability for the 4% that actually need it. The other 96% are going back to work.

1:06:41 Drew For their own good.

1:06:43 Adam Yeah, absolutely. I know she's going to give us some story about being horribly burned in an oiled Derrick fire and make me feel bad. But if she tells me her back hurts- Amanda, why are you on disability?

1:06:57 Caller Why am I or why is my husband?

1:07:01 Adam Okay, let's try this one more time. We're going to try this.

1:07:03 Drew Okay. Wait, let's start out. If she says her back hurts, I'm going to-

1:07:07 Adam Okay. Amanda?

1:07:08 Caller Yes.

1:07:09 Adam Why are you on disability?

1:07:11 Caller I'm on disability because I'm a manic depressant. I have Tourette's syndrome. Tourette's syndrome. I have stomach cancer.

1:07:19 Drew Stomach cancer? What do you mean stomach cancer?

1:07:21 Caller Stomach cancer.

1:07:23 Drew What kind of stomach cancer?

1:07:26 Caller What kind of stomach cancer?

1:07:27 Drew Stomach cancer is fatal.

1:07:29 Caller I know that. I have a huge, I have a 97-pound tumor in my stomach that has to be removed and it's cancerous.

1:07:36 Adam Hold on a second. 90?

1:07:40 Drew No. There's something missing here. This story is getting better all the time.

1:07:44 Adam We may dedicate the last four minutes of the show to this.

1:07:47 Drew Basically, the only thing that can grow to that size in the abdomen is an ovarian tumor, not cancerous, because by the time a cancer is that size, it's spread everywhere. You can't take it over your whole body.

1:07:59 Adam Listen, you've got 97 pounds of cancer in you. The neighbor's kids have it too, right?

1:08:03 Drew Yeah. It's not a cancer. It's a tumor. Let's see if I'm right about that. It's from the ovary. It's not from the stomach.

1:08:09 Adam All right. But hold on now. 97.

1:08:16 Drew Yeah, you're doing the math.

1:08:21 Adam Even if the cancer was 50% of her. Wow. Amanda?

1:08:27 Caller Yes.

1:08:27 Adam Oh, baby. What is going on over here? First off, how do you know how much the thing weighs? Do you stand on the scale and someone holds it up for you?

1:08:39 Caller No.

1:08:40 Caller No. They do all kinds of tests. They put me to sleep and they put this little machine down my stomach and they take pictures of it in x-rays.

1:08:49 Adam Okay, so you have a 97-pound tumor?

1:08:53 Caller Yep. I've had it since I was 15. It's growing.

1:08:56 Drew Okay, so it's not cancer. It's not cancer.

1:09:00 Caller That's what they said. I don't know if they're...

1:09:02 Drew Amanda.

1:09:02 Adam That's what you heard.

1:09:03 Caller It's not cancer. That's what I heard. All I know is that.

1:09:06 Drew That's not what they said. It's cancer. Cancer is something that kills you. It doesn't keep growing.

1:09:10 Caller Well, it will kill me if I don't get it removed.

1:09:13 Drew That is true because it's a tumor.

1:09:16 Adam It'll kill you if it falls on you.

1:09:17 Drew That's right.

1:09:18 Adam At 97 pounds.

1:09:19 Drew It's a tumor.

1:09:20 Adam You roll over, it's going to kill you.

1:09:21 Drew It's an ovarian tumor, right? It's in the ovary, right?

1:09:26 Caller Sounds like that, yeah.

1:09:27 Drew Okay.

1:09:28 Adam Hold on a second. It doesn't sweat the details too much with the medical history. I got 97 pounds worth of tumor in me. It's around.

1:09:38 Drew I had a patient, we took about 120 pound ovarian tumor out. They had to use a special pulley to get it out.

1:09:44 Adam They had to use a cherry picker, right? Which you use to pull a motor out of a Chevelle.

1:09:50 Caller Yeah.

1:09:51 Drew Yeah.

1:09:51 Adam Holy Christ. Drew, let me ask you about these cancers, I mean these tumors, because I'm endlessly fascinated, not by the tumor themself, but by their host.

1:10:03 Drew Whoever's hosting the tumor?

1:10:05 Adam Yes. My name is Adam Corolla. I'll be your tumor's host. How do the doctors, if they're looking after it since 15 and she's 21 now, so it's been six years, how do the doctors let the thing get to 97 pounds?

1:10:23 Drew It's an elective thing to take out, ovarian tumors like that. I suspect, think of our discussions with Amanda for the last 10 minutes. If you're trying to take care of it, it would be like trying to hang out at the jail or something. But if the thing is growing, you would probably say, Amanda, it's time for surgery, you've got to get this done. No, no, no, next week, I got my boyfriend by the home.

1:10:45 Adam Amanda. You know how it goes.

1:10:47 Drew Have your doctors not recommended that thing come out?

1:10:50 Caller They want to. Yes. I haven't been to the proper doctors because we don't have transportation or the money to. And now that-

1:10:59 Drew Do you get to the disability office okay?

1:11:01 Caller What?

1:11:02 Adam Well, they send the checks, right?

1:11:04 Drew Well, you've got to go down there and sign up.

1:11:07 Caller They send the checks.

1:11:08 Adam Hey, listen to me. If I'm the, how much you get a month for this disability?

1:11:14 Caller 750, actually 770.

1:11:17 Adam Listen, how long have you been on it?

1:11:20 Caller For almost two years.

1:11:22 Adam Okay. So listen, you're in to me for about 20 grand. That's the way I figured. I want the money. I'll give it back to whoever paid it, but I'm going to keep on doing it. You've got to get this tumor removed.

1:11:35 Caller Yeah.

1:11:35 Adam So you can get back to work.

1:11:36 Caller Yeah.

1:11:37 Adam Yeah. Okay. Now, how much-

1:11:40 Caller I want to do very badly.

1:11:41 Adam You want to get back to work very badly?

1:11:43 Caller Yes.

1:11:43 Adam Okay. Now, the tumor weighs 97 pounds. How much do you weigh?

1:11:48 Caller I weigh about 280.

1:11:54 Adam 280?

1:11:54 Caller Yeah.

1:11:55 Adam So you lose that tumor, you're under two bells.

1:11:59 Caller Yeah.

1:12:00 Adam Most women would jump on that.

1:12:02 Caller I know. I'm trying to, but it's like I have a lot of medical problems on top of that that stop me from doing it.

1:12:08 Adam Right. Well, I understand that. And you know, maybe your husband, you know the part about him just wanting the oral sex?

1:12:16 Caller Well, see, he doesn't want me to lose weight. I mean, he likes me the way. See, when I met him, I was-

1:12:23 Adam Hold on. Is he black?

1:12:25 Caller No. No. No. Okay.

1:12:26 Adam Well, yeah, because a virgin is 37.

1:12:29 Caller When I met him, I was-

1:12:29 Adam I can't figure this guy out.

1:12:31 Caller I was 480 pounds when I first met him.

1:12:36 Drew Well, there is something. Those ovarian tumors do make you lose weight. So there is something to that right there.

1:12:39 Adam Well, it all goes into the tumor.

1:12:41 Drew Yeah. Plus, it obstructs- your stomach can't fill up anymore.

1:12:43 Adam You were 480 when he met you.

1:12:45 Caller Uh-huh.

1:12:46 Drew You're fat.

1:12:47 Adam Drew, please. And what happened? I mean, where'd all the weight go?

1:12:51 Caller Well, I lost weight. I was losing it.

1:12:54 Adam You're on a diet and stuff?

1:12:57 Caller No. I just basically- because of my depression, it's like some people don't eat when they're depressed. Other people do eat. I had depression from being raped and from being gang-raped.

1:13:09 Drew Oh, boy, oh, boy.

1:13:13 Caller And I didn't go outside for four years.

1:13:19 Adam Okay. Here's what I got about you losing weight. Some people do eat when they're depressed. Some people don't eat when they're depressed. She eats when she's depressed. You didn't go outside.

1:13:26 Caller I didn't go outside.

1:13:26 Adam But how did you lose all the weight?

1:13:29 Caller Well, I just said, well, I'm married now. I want a baby very badly.

1:13:34 Adam Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Amanda, please.

1:13:37 Drew You can't take your lithium if you're-

1:13:39 Adam You can't take care of yourself...

1:13:40 Drew .dip a coat.

1:13:41 Adam You got a 97-pound tumor. What do you mean you want a baby?

1:13:44 Caller I know that. I'm going to wait until after I get everything taken care of.

1:13:48 Adam Listen.

1:13:48 Caller That's what my goal is.

1:13:49 Adam Listen, 150 years, I want you to call this show back.

1:13:52 Drew Who's going to take care of the baby? You're on disability.

1:13:56 Caller Well, I'm not going to be having a baby until after my tumor is gone, after my health is better.

1:14:02 Adam Okay. Don't you ever get rid of that tumor. You keep that tumor. You understand me? And by the way, after dropping a 97-pound tumor, you could have triplets. You wouldn't even know it.

1:14:13 Drew That's right.

1:14:15 Adam You got 25 pounds worth of kids, another 30 pounds worth of placenta. That's nothing. Lizzie, you play a full-court basketball in your third trimester. Okay. Okay, hold on. We got to take ourselves a break. I'm not done with Amanda.

1:14:33 Drew Okay.

1:14:34 Adam 480 pounds.

1:14:36 Drew You're interested.

1:14:36 Adam 17.

1:14:37 Drew Gang raped as a child.

1:14:38 Adam Met her husband at, her husband is 37.

1:14:41 Drew Let's get his profile.

1:14:42 Adam She was 480 at 17. She's got a 97-pound tumor. She's on disability. He's on disability too. He just wants oral sex. She's falling in love with a guy who's shacked up at the house. She wants a child. I gotta look into all this.

1:15:01 Drew You gotta talk her out of it, I see.

1:15:03 Adam There will be a little more with Amanda after this. Nate, it is Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, the cute one that is Dr. Drew.

1:15:42 Drew Interesting, did you read this?

1:15:43 Adam Yeah.

1:15:43 Drew Read that, come on, read it. It's in the forums at drdrew.com. Somebody just put something up while we were chatting here on the radio.

1:15:50 Adam Dr. Drew is much cuter than Adam by a long shot. Adam, you're cool and all, but Drew is the hottest guy on television. He's the king of looks, the god of beauty. I'm addicted to Dr. Drew. That's a little different than signed Susan Pinsky as wife.

1:16:09 Drew That's a little different than you can say anything in front of me, I guess, isn't it? You can post a reply. It's the forum. You want to type something in? This will be your first experience.

1:16:18 Adam I won't dignify that for the response.

1:16:19 Drew Come on. You give this woman, what's her name? Danielle.

1:16:22 Adam Listen, screw Danielle. I'm not done with Amanda. Amanda, we were speaking to Amanda's. Amanda has herself a husband. He's 43. She met him when she was 17. So I guess he was like 37 or something. She weighed 480 when she met him. She now has a 97-pound tumor. They're both on disability. Drew was speaking during the break to Lisa, who almost chucked Cremora into Drew's coffee via her mouth, which was Drew was talking about these huge, what the hell was that called? They cyst, these tumors. They're undifferentiated cells, Drew calls them, and they can have like teeth and hair.

1:17:11 Drew They can develop in all kinds of cells.

1:17:12 Adam But there's not teeth in there.

1:17:14 Drew Yeah.

1:17:15 Adam But floating around?

1:17:17 Drew No, it's like I would be mad of all kinds of stuff.

1:17:20 Adam How big would the teeth be? Would the teeth grow?

1:17:23 Drew No, you probably wouldn't even notice under microscope, it's teeth cells and teeth materials.

1:17:27 Adam Teeth cells, hair cells. But it's not like the cat hawked up something.

1:17:31 Drew No, sometimes they can look kind of like that. That's sort of what they look like sometimes.

1:17:35 Adam Yeah, but when a cat hawks something up, there's fur and a button and a little piece of kibble.

1:17:40 Drew Yeah.

1:17:41 Adam Oh boy. 90. Imagine, let me tell you, a petite Asian woman, that porn star we had in. Kobe Tai. Kobe Tai weighed 95 pounds.

1:17:52 Drew Yeah. That's one of her.

1:17:54 Adam 93 pounds.

1:17:54 Drew She rolled up into a ball.

1:17:56 Adam And it crawled up my ass. Could you imagine? Wait a minute. I could go for that. All right. So Amanda. So we have a thousand questions for you.

1:18:07 Caller Okay.

1:18:08 Adam Okay. One is, and this is a little bet we got going with phone screen or Lisa.

1:18:13 Caller Okay.

1:18:15 Drew Don't give it away. How much?

1:18:16 Adam How much? Please, Drew. How much does your husband weigh?

1:18:24 Caller Well, about 165, 170. That's on a good day.

1:18:29 Adam That's when he's dripping wet.

1:18:31 Caller Yeah.

1:18:32 Adam After coming home from the Sizzler.

1:18:35 Caller Yeah.

1:18:35 Adam He's shaky, he's bunch of lunch. Okay. So now when you met him, was he heavier or lighter or the same?

1:18:43 Caller A lot lighter. He was like 145 when I met him.

1:18:46 Adam Oh, solid. So, okay. Now, hold on a second. Let me do. So you're 480 at 17 and you meet him and he's going a buck 45.

1:18:59 Caller Uh-huh.

1:19:00 Adam Wow.

1:19:02 Caller Let's say his ass is the size of one of my legs.

1:19:04 Adam His ass is the size of your ankle at 480, right?

1:19:09 Caller Pretty much, yeah.

1:19:10 Adam Wow. That is it. Now, what, uh, and just because I, I, man, I'm, I'm, you know, this is why I don't leave the house, quite frankly. I am, I am fast and I can study people from home or work. What, how do you guys have sex when you're 480 and he's, he's coming in at a buck 45?

1:19:29 Drew By the way, did you mention where I said his weight would come in at?

1:19:32 Adam Yeah. Uh, Drew, by the way, had 145 pounds.

1:19:36 Drew I had 137 to 155.

1:19:38 Adam Yes.

1:19:39 Caller Yeah.

1:19:39 Adam What, uh, how do you, how did you have sex initially?

1:19:43 Caller Very carefully.

1:19:45 Adam I mean, how does it work? I mean, seriously.

1:19:48 Caller Well, um.

1:19:50 Adam Did you, did you have sex when you were 480 and he was 145?

1:19:54 Caller Um, very rarely. But now that I have my self-esteem up a little, a little bit more than how I did.

1:20:01 Adam Right.

1:20:01 Caller I've lost a lot of weight.

1:20:03 Adam Right.

1:20:03 Caller And see, from my height, I look good. I mean, I'm not, I don't look, I mean, I look chubby, but I don't look like so obese that, like, the skull.

1:20:13 Adam But at 480, you were looking pretty, a little chunky.

1:20:16 Caller Yeah, I could say.

1:20:17 Adam Little hippie, 480?

1:20:20 Caller Uh-huh.

1:20:21 Adam Yeah. Because you were, like, you're not, like, 19 feet tall or anything, right?

1:20:24 Caller No, I'm 6'1.

1:20:26 Adam 6'1?

1:20:27 Caller Yeah.

1:20:27 Adam Wow. 6'1. It's funny, I'm looking at phone screener Lisa's face, and she goes, well, I'm tall. And Lisa's laughing because, come on, 480 pounds, how tall can you be?

1:20:40 Drew 19'4.

1:20:40 Adam And then she goes, well, I'm 6'1. And phone screener Lisa goes, okay. Yeah, she gave it a look like, all right, I'll buy it now. She's like, Emmy, like one of those big models. Okay. Oh, wait a second now. Okay, so 6'1, 480, my God. Yeah. Let me, do you have a brother?

1:20:58 Caller Yeah.

1:20:58 Adam Okay, I want you to apologize to him on my behalf because I don't want that guy coming over there and like sitting on my house.

1:21:04 Caller He's 13. He's about 5'8, and he weighs about 280.

1:21:10 Adam Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

1:21:13 Caller I've never been overweight before in my life. I've always been real thin. What?

1:21:17 Drew Before what? Before the rapes and stuff?

1:21:19 Adam Before you were 17 and 480 pounds?

1:21:22 Caller Yeah. I started gaining weight at 15.

1:21:23 Adam But your whole life before? You started gaining weight at 15?

1:21:27 Caller Yeah, because I let the rapes get to me and I was getting raped and stuff like that.

1:21:32 Drew Oh, boy.

1:21:33 Adam But yes, I'm sure your dad was a real piece of work, right?

1:21:38 Drew No wonder she can't trust the doctors to do the work for her, the surgeries and whatnot. It's no wonder she can't function at work.

1:21:44 Caller I don't like doctors at all.

1:21:45 Adam All right, what is your husband's disability?

1:21:49 Caller OK, when he was five years old, his aunt beat him up really, really bad and blood drained out half of his brain, so he can't use the right side of his arm.

1:21:58 Drew Oh, my God.

1:21:59 Caller And he also has seizures.

1:22:02 Adam Oh, we see now, don't you feel bad?

1:22:03 Drew Where did you meet him?

1:22:04 Caller I met him off the telepersonals. He answered my ad. Oh, really? I told my weight in there, and I wasn't expecting anyone to leave me a message, and he left me a message.

1:22:16 Adam Hold on, maybe he thought that was your address. That happened to me once. I thought the chick was at 5110. It turned out you weighed 5,000 pounds, Drew. No, listen. All right, so Amanda. Okay, listen to me. I want you to do everything I tell you to do, okay?

1:22:37 Caller Okay.

1:22:37 Adam I'm a genius. Do you understand? A self-proclaimed genius of the radio.

1:22:41 Caller Okay.

1:22:42 Adam You need to get that tumor removed. You need to stay with a little diet. You need to get a little exercise. You need to focus on you and work and getting out and breaking a sweat every once in a while and reading a book. No TV, no sitting around anymore. Start taking charge of your life. Somebody took charge of your life for you when you were younger. And you're going to let a few events that happened to you at age 14 or 15 destroy your entire life for the rest of your life. You're going to let 10 minutes turn into 60 years. You know what I'm saying?

1:23:25 Caller Yeah.

1:23:26 Adam That's horrible. I mean, what these people did to you were bad enough. But now what you're doing to yourself, that's the real crime. So you need to take control.

1:23:35 Caller I've done pretty good so far.

1:23:37 Adam You're doing all right, but still you got a 97 pound tumor on you. Okay.

1:23:41 Caller What do I do about my husband and the guy that I'm in love with?

1:23:44 Adam Listen.

1:23:45 Caller Calm down.

1:23:45 Adam You need to put all of that on the backburner. That ain't you. That's a distraction.

1:23:50 Caller Okay.

1:23:51 Adam You know what I mean? I want you to get up tomorrow morning. I want you to take a walk.

1:23:55 Caller Okay.

1:23:56 Adam Just start walking. Just start walking and start thinking. Get yourself some headphones and take a walk. And don't listen to any of this rap or any of this whatever, this mummy rock or any of this other crap. You start listening to talk radio.

1:24:13 Drew And by the way, your husband's irritability and all, that could be part of his seizure. It could be his neurologic condition.

1:24:18 Adam All bets are off.

1:24:19 Drew He may need his medication adjusted. Who knows what these anger outs are. People who have injury, brain injuries like his are often de-repressed and will act very impulsively and irritably.

1:24:27 Adam Tomorrow morning, you put your tennis shoes on, you put your Walkman on, you put on some talk radio, you listen to Only AM except for when Loveline comes on. And you start walking. That's it. That's the first step. Just get out and take a walk every day. A couple of blocks. Do a little thinking.

1:24:44 Drew Reasonable advice.

1:24:45 Adam Okay. Marianne?

1:24:47 Caller Yeah.

1:24:47 Adam You're 19?

1:24:48 Caller Yeah.

1:24:49 Adam What's up?

1:24:50 Caller I have a theory for why you're sexy.

1:24:52 Adam Okay, good.

1:24:53 Drew There's another thing posted in the chat here for you, the forum.

1:24:55 Adam We haven't reached any conclusion. All I remember is that Tiber Banks wanted Drew.

1:25:05 Caller Well, here are some of the things about you that make you appealing.

1:25:08 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

1:25:08 Caller Okay, you have confidence.

1:25:10 Adam That's right.

1:25:11 Caller And you're bold. And you have very strong views and opinions. And you're intelligent, but you're willing to admit that you don't know everything, which makes you almost humble.

1:25:21 Drew When has he ever said anything like, when has he ever said anything like, I don't know everything?

1:25:27 Caller Well, no, like he'll concede that, you know, maybe Dr. Drew should take this one, or that it's not his.

1:25:32 Drew Yeah, but then he'll have to abuse me immediately afterwards.

1:25:35 Adam But, so, so I'm, so I'm bold. I'm take charge.

1:25:40 Caller Yeah.

1:25:40 Adam I have a sensitive side.

1:25:41 Caller You don't have some big mask that you wear.

1:25:43 Caller Right.

1:25:44 Adam Okay.

1:25:44 Caller And then on top of all that, you're concerned about people. So that makes me very appealing.

1:25:47 Adam Right. And what they think of me.

1:25:50 Caller Right. Right.

1:25:50 Adam Thank you.

1:25:51 Caller All right.

1:25:51 Adam Thank you, Marianne.

1:25:53 Caller No problem.

1:25:54 Adam Okay. You know what I can't get over? I'm going to be honest, and then we're going to go to break.

1:25:59 Caller Okay.

1:26:01 Adam You know, I'm 6'2, I'm 185 lbs, and there's nothing wrong with me physically.

1:26:06 Drew Nobody's mentioning that.

1:26:07 Adam But if you close your eyes and listen to our callers, you'd think I was in a wheelchair and had a weight problem, and that they were somehow trying to navigate their way around some sort of physical obstacle in focus. You know how it is when you see somebody, you go to see someone in a play and the play really sucked, but you're talking to them in the lobby and you're going, well the programs were interesting and the theater was nice and roomy and I'll tell you, you really knew your lines. You know, you try to negotiate, you try to navigate, you anything but address the obvious.

1:26:46 Drew Yeah. Until you go home and hear it in your phone machine.

1:26:49 Adam Yes, it sounds like people are calling in trying to be kind, like they're trying to work around something. That's the part that drives me insane, Drew.

1:26:55 Caller Yeah.

1:26:55 Adam Is that wrong?

1:26:57 Drew Let's talk more about it when we get off here.

1:26:59 Caller All right.

1:27:00 Adam All right. When we come back, who are we going to talk to?

1:27:02 Drew I'm waiting to see what else comes up.

1:27:03 Adam You don't like anything?

1:27:04 Drew Not for, well, number one.

1:27:06 Adam Okay. We got a super secret surprise call when we come back.

1:27:11 Caller Tyra Banks had a crush on one of you.

1:27:13 Caller Yeah. Who was that?

1:27:14 Adam It was Drew. Tyra came in to the radio show and she had a little upset stomach. Maybe even more. Right, Drew? She really had a problem down there. And so Drew immediately said unbutton your pants.

1:27:33 Drew It wasn't quite that quick.

1:27:34 Adam But you did tell her to unbutton the pants, right?

1:27:36 Drew I examined her, yeah.

1:27:38 Caller Loveline, be right back in a minute.

1:28:06 Adam Hey, where's my cowbell?

1:28:09 Drew Oh, no, no, no, we're not going to do that, are we?

1:28:11 Adam You're lucky I can't find my cowbell.

1:28:15 Drew Oh, my God, look at this call. Wait, wait, don't just take this call. Let this distract you for a second.

1:28:19 Caller Oh, wait, I found it. Oh, OK. All right, hold on a second.

1:28:24 Adam Dustin?

1:28:25 Caller Yeah.

1:28:25 Adam You're 14?

1:28:26 Caller Yep.

1:28:27 Adam Your stepdad is a beta version of Taboo 2?

1:28:30 Caller My biological dad has the beta version of Taboo 1 through 12.

1:28:35 Caller Wow.

1:28:36 Adam He's quite a role model.

1:28:38 Drew Why is that such a thing?

1:28:39 Adam Some guys collect stamps, you know.

1:28:41 Caller Oh, yeah, he's had him for a long time.

1:28:43 Caller Wow.

1:28:43 Caller But he wouldn't let me watch him, so.

1:28:45 Adam No, man, but you knew he had him.

1:28:47 Caller Yeah, because I went through his video collection.

1:28:49 Adam Yeah, that's got to kill you. I mean, you watched him anyway, didn't you?

1:28:52 Caller Huh?

1:28:53 Adam You watched him anyway, didn't you?

1:28:55 Caller I took Taboo 1 through 4 home, so. Very nice. I haven't watched those yet, though.

1:29:01 Adam On beta, though?

1:29:02 Caller Yeah, on beta.

1:29:03 Adam You've got a beta machine at your place?

1:29:05 Caller Yeah, my stepdad has one.

1:29:07 Adam Yeah, that's a bad sign.

1:29:09 Drew What does that mean?

1:29:10 Adam My dad went the beta route, too, you know? My dad's like a retard.

1:29:14 Drew He's a better product.

1:29:15 Adam With that stuff. All right, so you got the Taboo, and you know the theme song, then?

1:29:20 Caller Yeah.

1:29:21 Adam Let's hear just a little bit of theme song. Yeah. Come on. Come on, Anderson. Give me a little of that theme song.

1:29:27 Caller It's still on restriction for another week.

1:29:28 Adam Come on.

1:29:29 Caller Three more days.

1:29:30 Adam Please, Anderson. Give me some of that.

1:29:33 Caller What the hell is going on there?

1:29:35 Adam Come on. Anderson. Theme song to Taboo 2. He does it with me. Oh, yes, he does. It's true. The guy's raping his mom and his sister. I mean, it's true. All right, Dustin. Yeah. All right, go to bed.

1:30:12 Drew Thank you.

1:30:12 Adam Thank you. Okay, now I think it's about time to start the lightning round, Drew.

1:30:17 Drew All right, enjoy.

1:30:18 Adam All right, let's just come back. Anderson, give me a little, like, comeback music or something so I can get into this, would you please? Get the cowbell ready here. Hey there, hi there, ho there, guys and gals, it's Ace Rockolla and my partner, the good doctor, the love doctor, Dr. Drew. You're smack dab in the middle of the lightning round. Loveline, the place you call to get your love troubles fixed. Again, I'm Ace Rockolla, and let's check the time real fast. It's 11.51 in 15 seconds. That's eight minutes and 45 seconds away from the top of the hour straight up. Twelve o'clock, the witching hour. Let's hop back on the phones here, and we'll speak to Monica. Monica, you're 17 years old.

1:31:09 Caller Uh-huh.

1:31:10 Adam Yeah, your boyfriend's mom walks around and sees through pajamas.

1:31:13 Caller Um, kind of. Like, when I first met him, he would talk about how pretty she was. About how pretty she was.

1:31:19 Adam Sounds like taboo three to me.

1:31:23 Caller But then when I met her, she wasn't even all that pretty, and then they all walk in, and they're sitting on the couch cuddling.

1:31:29 Adam Uh-huh. Boyfriend's cuddling with his pretty mom.

1:31:33 Caller I was just wondering if that's like, do you know if it's weird or not? Because I grew up with just me and my mom.

1:31:38 Adam Yes, it is extra super mega weird. All right, Monica? You got to break up with him immediately, okay?

1:31:45 Caller Okay.

1:31:45 Adam All right. I got to go because we got to give a quick check of the time. It's 11.52 and nine seconds. Oh, mercifully. That's seven minutes. Wait a minute, that's seven minutes and 51 seconds away from the top of the hour, and we'll go right back to the phones. We'll talk to Andrea. Andrea?

1:32:03 Caller Yes?

1:32:03 Adam You're 21 years old. You shmacked down the middle of the lightning round.

1:32:07 Caller Um, thanks.

1:32:08 Adam Um, you're humble, Jose's Rockolla. That's my part of the day. Your boyfriend's penis is curved.

1:32:15 Caller Yes.

1:32:15 Adam Uh-huh. And it won't even fit in you?

1:32:18 Caller Well, it will, but it's hard.

1:32:20 Adam It goes in, but it pokes out through your belly button?

1:32:22 Caller Yeah.

1:32:24 Adam Little crony's humor there, Doc. What'd he say? What can he do for it?

1:32:29 Drew How, what kind of curve? What are we talking about here?

1:32:30 Caller It's a downward curve.

1:32:32 Adam Downward.

1:32:32 Caller He thinks it's because of the way he puts it in his pants.

1:32:35 Adam Uh-huh. Right.

1:32:37 Caller Uh-huh.

1:32:38 Drew No.

1:32:39 Adam No. Unless he's stuffing it up his took eye. I don't think that'd be a problem. He has a bent penis, Andrew. Do you love him anyway? Yeah. God bless you. All right. Keep it up. She gives him oral sex. Looks like she's sucking on a jaw breaker. Let me get the time. It's 11 53 and 15 seconds. That's six minutes and 45 seconds away from the top of the hour. I'm your host, Ace Rockolla. That's my partner, Dr. Drew. He writes back dab in the middle. Love the lightning round here in the Fantabulous Love Line. Eric, you're 19 years old. What's up, partner?

1:33:11 Caller I got a little issue down under.

1:33:15 Caller Let's see here. They ache, the boys.

1:33:17 Adam Your testicles ache?

1:33:19 Caller Something like they've been kicked or something, but it's my left one.

1:33:23 Adam Have they been kicked?

1:33:25 Caller What's that?

1:33:25 Adam Have they been kicked?

1:33:26 Drew You got to see a doctor. Sometimes they can twist in the sack there.

1:33:30 Caller That's what I've heard.

1:33:31 Caller That's what my roommate was telling me.

1:33:32 Drew Yeah, it's torsion and it can be pretty serious. There are other things that can cause problems like this.

1:33:37 Caller I don't know how to check for anything else.

1:33:39 Drew You don't. You go to your doctor and have them check.

1:33:41 Caller Have a professional.

1:33:42 Caller What could it be, though?

1:33:44 Drew It could be torsion.

1:33:45 Caller Hey, Eric.

1:33:46 Caller Yes.

1:33:46 Adam Yeah, put the phone on the good side of your head, would you, brother?

1:33:50 Drew It's probably something called epididymitis, epididymitis, which is an inflammation.

1:33:53 Adam Go on into the doc, let him shine a flashlight on the back of the neck, see what's going on in there. Am I right, Drew?

1:33:58 Drew That's one of the things they might do.

1:33:59 Adam All right, let's take a little extended break. Let me give the timeout before we hit the commercial. It's 11 54 and 25 seconds. That's five minutes and 35 seconds away from the top of the hour straight up. You're right smack dab in the middle of the lightning round. I'm Ace Rockolla. It's my buddy Dr. Drew and we'll be back after this.

1:34:19 Drew We're about to get funky yo.

1:34:22 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

1:34:56 Adam Yep, well, there you go. Another fantabulous show in the can. All right, we'll take a 22-hour break, and when we come back, we'll have our batteries charged, and we'll have more fabulous show for you. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Shove gum in your penis.

1:35:16 Caller Ha ha, well now.

Episode Feedback

Tuesday, January 4, 2000