Episode 1000754887239

3:02 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

3:05 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

3:09 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

3:11 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

3:13 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

3:15 Voiceover Loveline.

3:17 Adam Hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number, 310-854-4455. Can I give the part about you being an addiction medicine specialist?

3:36 Drew You got that.

3:37 Adam All right. Tonight, from The Blame Game, Jason Winer is here. Jason is from the MTV show, The Blame Game, the sort of teenage divorce court. We had Jason on the TV show, had a good time with him. Jason also is in a TV movie, King of the World, which I'm guessing is the Muhammad Ali story.

4:00 Jason Winer You guess right. Yeah, Monday night.

4:03 Adam And who plays Muhammad Ali in that?

4:05 Jason Winer A guy by the name of Terrence Howard. He was in the movie.

4:08 Adam Jewish guy?

4:09 Jason Winer Yeah. A fellow tribesman. He was in the movie, The Best Man, played a role called Quentin. He stole the picture.

4:21 Adam I didn't see the best man, but does he make it convincing, Ali?

4:26 Jason Winer He really does. The first time he came up to me on the set, he was in costume, and he also did one of those things where he was sort of in character the whole time, which was a little bit annoying, but especially since Cassius Clay, now known as Muhammad Ali, Cassius Clay was well known for talking constantly and preaching and all sorts of stuff. It made us a little bit uncomfortable in the van traveling over from lunch.

4:52 Adam Right, yeah.

4:54 Jason Winer But he wouldn't shut up. But when the camera rolled, man, that guy was there. I mean, I never met Muhammad Ali, obviously, but he-

5:03 Drew You thought you were with him.

5:04 Jason Winer I thought I was with him, seriously. He's great.

5:07 Adam And let's talk about your part.

5:09 Jason Winer Yeah. I play Robert Lipsight, who's the New York Times reporter who covered Clay throughout his career. Before the Howard Cosell days, this was the guy who was sort of in the inner circle.

5:24 Drew I was watching ESPN, they have those Friday Night Fights or whatever, and they were doing a year-end thing. It was right before the millennium, and they were interviewing some of these reporter types who follow fights. What an unusual, interesting, salty, fat, sort of-

5:39 Adam Smokey.

5:40 Drew Smokey, little thin tie, white shirt, tie, had a skimbo. Just an interesting group of guys, and that's all they thought about was fights.

5:49 Adam And they would drive up to Arrowhead where the guy's camp was and try to get interviews and probably hang out there for a weekend or something like that.

5:59 Drew Imagine these guys eating like ham sandwiches and stuff, and that's all they could afford, and they didn't think about it.

6:05 Adam Well, I don't know. It was a, Jason can tell us, but it seemed it was a different time, and I guess a reporter was your only link to what was going on, and you saw it through his eyes or through his typewriter, and he had to go to wherever it was happening and sort of get the scoop.

6:22 Jason Winer Yeah, well, it was the early 60s, and there was definitely an establishment, a way you were supposed to write about sports, you know, and this guy, Robert Lipsight, was this young whippersnapper from the New York Times, and he was actually a feature writer. At the time, the movie focuses on the fight between Liston and Clay. It actually just takes it up to the point where he wins the championship and ends there.

6:46 Adam The first fight.

6:46 Jason Winer Yeah, exactly. And so, the thing is that nobody thought Clay could win, nobody liked Clay. He was annoying, he talked too much, he scared America, he frightened everybody. Right. And nobody liked Liston, they thought he was a thug. So, basically, there was a quote in the paper, 190 million Americans voting for a double knockout, you know. So, this was the only guy that thought Clay had a shot, and he was the only guy that was sort of willing to buck the establishment and talk about some of the Muslim stuff that was going on in Clay's religion.

7:25 Adam Yeah, a lot of people refused to call him Muhammad Ali for a while. And Liston was like, yeah, an ex-felon, he did a little time in the joint. He was, didn't talk much, was kind of a thug. They thought maybe had some mob connections. Ended up dying in Vegas through sort of mysterious causes. Later on in life, no one quite ever got to the bottom of how he died, but there seemed to be a little foul play there. But he was going off as a six or eight to one favorite against Ali, if you could imagine that in their first fight. In their first fight, was that the Phantom Punch or was that something in his eye?

8:06 Jason Winer Something in his eye.

8:07 Adam Yeah, first fight I think got stopped in the seventh or eighth round.

8:11 Jason Winer Seventh.

8:11 Adam Seventh round.

8:13 Jason Winer He didn't come out for the eight.

8:14 Adam Didn't come back. Said, accused, now was it Liston who accused Ali of putting something in his water bucket or something, his thingy's eye, or was it the other way around?

8:23 Jason Winer It was, Liston had something on his gloves. They think they put something on his gloves. Liston was getting beat up real bad in the first round. And it looked like he was definitely going to lose. And then somewhere in the fifth or sixth round, Ali starts to not be able to see. You can watch the tape and see it. He's squinting and then he goes crazy in his corner. Now we actually had Dundee, Angelo Dundee, who's the real trainer who trained him on the set. And he told us the story of Clay going nuts not being able to see. And he says, I dip my finger into his eye and then I put it in my own eye. And man, it burned like hell.

9:00 Adam A little Burgess Meredith in him.

9:02 Jason Winer Yeah. Yeah.

9:03 Adam You know, that was back in the day or just at the end of the time, you know, when you could put a horseshoe in your glove or ramp some barbed wire around it or crush some glass, you know, those are the good, you know, there's a time when boxing and wrestling sort of cross paths for a while. Now it's all on the up and up just ear biting and that kind of stuff. All right. We'll jump in, get some of these phone calls. So again, that's on the 10th. But let's get back to today. The Man Show is on at 1030, everybody. Oh, it's on right now, I'm told. Why? I don't know. I guess they're running two episodes tonight. And by the way, the Man Show is in some sort of TV guide insert, the official ballot for favorite shows of the year.

9:48 Drew No.

9:49 Adam Well, it's along with 180 other shows. So, CPO. Sharkey's underneath it for Christ's sake.

9:55 Drew Let me see this.

9:56 Adam Listen, look under new TV shows.

10:00 Jason Winer How many of those did you have sent to your house?

10:02 Drew How did they get this on here is the deal.

10:04 Adam I blew one of the editors of TV Guide. I have no idea how crap gets there. But usually, you're on the losing end of that, right? You're sitting around going, how come we're not on here?

10:17 Drew Oh, yeah. We know better than to even think about that.

10:19 Adam Right. MTV would stop it if Loveline. Oh, wait a minute. You work for MTV.

10:26 Jason Winer I do and I love them very much.

10:27 Adam Really?

10:28 Drew I remember this from the television show. I remember this exchange.

10:30 Adam That place is a dump, isn't it? They're cheap. They're horribly run.

10:34 Drew He was expressing himself last time when we were broadcasting on MTV. Now they're on radio listening to what he has to say.

10:40 Adam Oh, listen. Hold on. Let me just say something about MTV real quick. Oh, no. You can stop me if I'm out of line. MTV has never ran a Loveline promotion ever. Not a billboard, not a bus stop, not a commercial. They don't even run commercials on MTV for Loveline. Ever, never, never, ever, ever. They are cheap and horribly run, that company. I've never met anyone who's had any association with them, who said anything other than cheap and poorly run. Am I right, Drew? Thank you very much. That's right. You want to fire me? Go ahead, you pussies. They don't got the guts.

11:25 Jason Winer In MTV's defense, yes, they took us. We were untested. You guys are big radio stars. You know what I'm saying?

11:34 Drew Oh, that's the way they saw it. That's the way they saw it. Yes, exactly.

11:37 Jason Winer You had a built in audience.

11:38 Drew Here is how, by the way, here's how that went down. You guys want to do this job or are we going to hire somebody else? That's how that went down.

11:46 Adam Yeah. But all right.

11:47 Drew All right.

11:47 Adam In their defense, go ahead, Jason.

11:49 Jason Winer So we created this show. We took it to them. We're kids. We're nobody.

11:55 Adam Sure.

11:56 Jason Winer And they gave us a shot. They put us on the air and the show is doing great.

12:00 Drew No, they're fine.

12:01 Jason Winer I have no problem with that.

12:02 Adam Well, they did put us on the air. We do have to give them credit for that. But that's the last time we saw them, isn't it?

12:07 Drew No, I have no problem.

12:08 Adam Well, what about the big campaign?

12:12 Drew I ask, John Miller is a great guy.

12:15 Adam Okay, he's a good guy. I want everyone to close their eyes for just one second, for just one second. And in the four years or three and a half years that Loveline has been on MTV, you try to tell me if you've seen a commercial for Loveline or promo for Loveline or any page in any magazine, any billboard, anything. Hey, even during the 10 spot when they explain what's coming on next, they go through 14 shows.

12:40 Drew Don't mention Loveline.

12:41 Adam Don't mention Loveline. I've never done a thing with them or for them. I've never done a photo shoot or an ad campaign, nothing. Three and a half years, not even on their own network. It's bizarre. I don't think there's another, I can't think of another TV show on another network that is not advertised on their network. I want someone to show me a Loveline commercial in three and a half years. A 30, a 10 second spot hasn't been made, never showed it.

13:10 Jason Winer See, what we did is we built in a necessary advertisement in our concept. You know that the punishment for our show is you get your picture printed in Entertainment Weekly under the heading, Do Not Date This Blame Game Loser. So built into our budget is at least one ad in Entertainment Weekly promoting the show.

13:29 Adam Yeah, they'll work that out next season, I'm sure.

13:32 Jason Winer It'll be an online thing.

13:33 Adam All right.

13:34 Drew So by the way, it's not that they don't promote their own stuff.

13:37 Adam Oh, no. They do. They're tireless in their self-promotion except for Loveline. But I'll take it as a compliment. I guess we don't need it.

13:46 Drew Christina.

13:47 Adam Christina. You're 19.

13:49 Caller Yes.

13:49 Adam Right. Hold on. Let me ask you real quick. What did you get from them this year for Christmas?

13:55 Caller He got me-

13:55 Drew No, no, no, no. Christina, hold on a second.

13:57 Adam Who's he by the way?

13:58 Drew I got from John Miller. I got some sort of recurring something. It's like a food thing.

14:05 Adam A yeast infection? You got something from MTV?

14:08 Drew Yeah, I did.

14:09 Adam You did?

14:10 Drew I did.

14:11 Adam Jason, did you get anything?

14:12 Drew No.

14:13 Adam No, I didn't either.

14:14 Drew It was specifically from John Miller.

14:15 Adam I'll tell you, they love their talent on that network. I got socks last year. Listen, I get more from my goddamn neighbor than I get from MTV. Cheap bastards.

14:26 Drew Oh, come on. Cut it out.

14:27 Adam Oh, they're cheap.

14:28 Drew Cut it out.

14:29 Adam Who cares? I'm out of there. Christina, you're 19.

14:32 Caller Yes. Before I go into my problem, I want to tell Adam something. I did see a spot for Loveline.

14:39 Adam Oh.

14:40 Caller And the 10th spot, they used to say coming up tonight. I'm like, if you watch it, like I watch like the real world, they say coming up at 12, Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam.

14:52 Adam No, they don't say with Dr. Drew and Adam.

14:55 Caller Oh, I thought-

14:56 Adam They never said with Dr. Drew and Adam.

14:59 Caller Well, I thought they said-

14:59 Adam If they said, listen, first off, I can tell you're high. No, I'm not. I'm not.

15:05 Caller I'm sorry, God.

15:05 Adam Second-

15:06 Caller No, I think I'm confusing that because I know I saw a Loveline one. I think I'm confusing with that in the man show.

15:11 Adam That's what you're- Now, Comedy Central, that's a first class operation.

15:17 Caller I saw a Loveline. I saw one like this.

15:19 Adam All right. Listen, screwball, what's your question?

15:22 Caller All right. My question is, listen, I have a boyfriend and we're beginning going together for like a while now, like a month or two, and he's been saying to me like he's going to break up with me. He's like telling me, oh, why don't you get another boyfriend?

15:39 Adam Okay.

15:39 Caller He's saying to have anal sex.

15:42 Drew What? What?

15:43 He wants to have anal sex with me.

15:44 Jason Winer Snuck that in at the end.

15:45 Adam Yeah, in the end.

15:46 Drew As a parting gift or something? What is he talking about?

15:49 Caller He says he's been having anal sex, wants to have anal sex with me, and I've told him, I'm not into that. And he said, oh, maybe you should find yourself another boyfriend, you know, in conversation.

15:59 Adam Okay, tell him to go find somebody else then.

16:02 Drew You don't want to be with this guy?

16:03 Caller Yeah, but the thing is that in the beginning, he was really nice to me, and we've got along. And now he's like, right now, he's like turned completely out of it.

16:10 Drew How long ago was the beginning?

16:12 Caller About two months ago.

16:14 Adam Yeah, two months ago.

16:15 Jason Winer And that's when the hope of anal sex was still alive in his mind.

16:19 Adam That's true. Listen, everyone is nice in the beginning, or you never get sex.

16:25 Drew Ted Bundy was nice to his victims when it started out.

16:28 Adam Ted Bundy was like, baby, you got the bluest eyes I've ever seen in my life.

16:32 Drew Right.

16:33 Adam Let's just go out to the woods so I can stroke your long blonde hair. Yes, sure. Before he beat him with an axe handle and sonomized him, he was a real pleasant guy. Hey, Hitler wasn't too bad at the beginning. You can never... No one is going to let you do what you want to do if you tell them what you're going to do before they let you in the door. You know what I mean? You got to get into the house in order to ransack the place. And if you sit out on the street and yell, come in, I'm going to burn the house. Let me in. I'm going to burn the house. They're not going to let you in.

17:03 Drew That's right.

17:03 Adam Everyone's nice in the beginning.

17:04 Jason Winer Basically, this guy gives you a whole bunch of candy upfront. Then he slowly takes away the candy and asks for anal sex. And you think about it in hopes of maybe getting some of the candy back.

17:15 Adam All right. Now that's my analogy. I was going to use the candy anal sex analogy. I was going to actually use the candy corn anal sex analogy that I always use. You know, Drew?

17:25 Drew You do mention corn.

17:27 Adam Oh, Jason, you're pissing me off, man. I know you listen to the show and you come right back at me. Devon?

17:33 Hey, Adam?

17:34 Adam Hey, you're 17.

17:35 Caller Man, I can't express my gratitude towards you, man. You saved my life so many times.

17:39 Adam Thank you.

17:40 Jason Winer You're the most brilliant comedian in the world.

17:42 Drew How does he save your life?

17:43 Adam Now we're talking.

17:45 I turn him on, man.

17:46 Drew How is he sexy? Isn't that what we talked about last night?

17:49 Caller You know what I mean? He just saves me, man. Adam, you save me.

17:52 Adam Thank you. Turn off the radio and turn the man show on, Comedy Central. Real network, everybody.

17:58 Caller It's cool. Anyway, I stopped smoking marijuana on New Year's Eve and ever since. I've just been incredibly depressed and I was wondering how.

18:06 Drew That is a normal part of marijuana dependency.

18:08 Caller Is there anything I can do about it?

18:10 Drew How long? Yes, you need to be. You should be supervised by a doctor who's used to treating marijuana addiction because this actually can become very serious.

18:18 Adam Well, how long did you smoke?

18:19 Caller Well, I'm on probation. I was using for about a month every day before that. But before that, I was using every day.

18:25 Drew For years?

18:26 Caller Well, for two years, yes.

18:28 Adam We have the world's dumbest scholars on this show. I was like, how long you've been doing heroin? Well, I've been doing it for about the last month, but then before the last month, I did for 18 years. So I was like, 18 years in a month? Yeah, but I got busted a month ago, but then before I did it for 14 years. I was like, okay, so let me see if I can figure this out.

18:48 Drew To the man.

18:49 Jason Winer And notice how he says, ever since New Year's, it was six days ago.

18:52 Adam Yeah, I know, but it-

18:55 Drew Five days ago.

18:56 Adam But it feels like forever. It's like he's been holding his breath.

19:00 Drew I have had patients commit suicide with marijuana withdrawal depressions. They are profound.

19:05 Adam Seriously, isn't that when they got the bill?

19:08 Drew I wasn't even, no, it wasn't that kind of a relationship. I was actually advising an organization where the guy was sinking.

19:13 Adam But someone told them how much you were, right?

19:15 Drew No.

19:15 Adam No. Okay.

19:16 Drew And it has to be supervised.

19:19 Adam All right. So what's he got to do?

19:21 Drew You need to talk to an addiction medicine, either physician or psychiatrist.

19:23 Adam What about just going to MA?

19:25 Drew Go to MA, you can get some support there. You'll find out lots of other people go through exactly what you're going through.

19:30 Adam All right. Where are we, Drew?

19:31 Drew If it gets serious, it's got to be treated.

19:33 Adam Is that way on line one here? Derek?

19:35 Caller Yes?

19:36 Adam You're 24?

19:37 Caller Yes.

19:38 What's up?

19:40 Caller I'm currently married and I have a four-year-old son. My wife works at a preschool, the preschool my son attends. We went to a Christmas party before Christmas, and I sat next to my son's teacher, which is separate from my wife.

20:01 Drew Your teacher is separate from your wife?

20:02 Well, yeah.

20:03 Adam They weren't sitting with the wife.

20:05 Caller My wife was on one side, the teacher was on the other.

20:07 Adam I see, Drew. See when you stop people.

20:09 Drew Yeah, but that was such a bizarre statement.

20:11 Adam No, it wasn't separate from his wife. Shut up. Go ahead, Derek.

20:14 Drew You signed these twins?

20:16 Adam What is it? The more books you read, the stupider you get?

20:19 Drew Go ahead.

20:19 Caller I think so.

20:21 Drew She was two inches away from him.

20:22 Caller This woman is the prettiest, most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my life.

20:27 Adam Right.

20:28 Caller She's just perfect. We were talking. She was flirting around with me a little bit. Well, ever since then, I have not been able to get her out of my mind. We had another function around Christmas with that preschool. I'm not really sure what to do here because I am married.

20:52 Drew The last person I dealt with, what can you do? Just for the comedy's sake or for curiosity's sake, the last guy I dealt with that was severely obsessional like this, they're then idealizing this person, the most wonderful person I've ever worked with there, an alcoholic dad who left in a flurry when he was eight. Is there any history like that with you?

21:14 Adam No, he was nine.

21:16 Drew Derek?

21:16 Adam Derek. Yeah.

21:18 Drew Okay.

21:18 Adam Derek, does your dad drink?

21:20 Jason Winer No.

21:21 Adam No. Okay. And he never left the family?

21:24 Caller Nope. He never came here to my mom.

21:25 Adam Okay. So she's a, this is just a very attractive woman. Is she single?

21:30 Caller Yes, she is.

21:31 Adam Are you not getting along well with your wife?

21:34 Caller Well, I work a lot and my wife works a lot, so I really don't see her too much.

21:38 Adam When you see each other, do you get along okay?

21:41 Drew God.

21:42 Caller I guess so.

21:43 Adam All right.

21:44 Drew Why did you marry your wife?

21:45 Caller What's that?

21:46 Drew Why did you marry your wife?

21:48 Adam All right. I'm about done with you, Derek. I can't. We get less mileage per syllable in this show than any other goddamn show in the air. We absolutely, we do more talk and less answer and then, I mean, less being heard. If this was Morris Code, the guy's hand would break off. Do you know what I mean? Before you even got, hello, how are you out? It's, do you get along well with your wife? Well, my wife and I don't see each other that much because I work at night and she works during the day. So how do you like your wife? Oh, we get along okay. Why'd you marry her? How come you married her? What? Why'd you marry her? Who? Your wife. Why? I mean, it's really, it's like talking to Jaime the Robot talking to our listeners. It just drives me insane. We can't get anywhere. I don't know if they're not listening or I'm just pissed off all the time or I don't.

22:48 Jason Winer I have a theory on this guy.

22:49 Adam Could someone hold me?

22:50 Jason Winer I have a quick theory. I think this guy is suffering from the, you know, your typical grass is greener syndrome.

22:55 Adam Absolutely.

22:56 Jason Winer You got, and I have a theory about the grass is greener syndrome.

22:59 Drew All right.

23:00 Adam Go ahead.

23:00 Jason Winer It's kind of a theory on a theory. I don't know if that's confusing, but the idea is that-

23:03 Drew Everything's confusing to our listeners.

23:05 Jason Winer Go ahead. When you're in a relationship, right, you always feel like everybody's flirting with you. You feel like you got a real shot.

23:11 Drew Well, that's the only time they ever do flirt with you when you're actually not available.

23:15 Jason Winer I think that's in your head.

23:16 Drew No, no. They have a meeting.

23:18 Adam No.

23:18 Jason Winer Really?

23:19 Adam No, no. I'm somewhere in between you two. Women do respond to guys who are spoken for because women are stupid. It's just like we spoke the other night about like diamonds. Women are the only people on earth who want diamonds because somebody is jacked up this inflated the value of some rock, and now they all want a rock that's bigger than their friend's rock. And, you know, meanwhile, you got to spend 20 grand on it. But I may not have articulated myself as well as I could have. But basically what I'm saying is this. Women, a man, if a man sees a beautiful, beautiful woman, he wants her to be single so he can jump on top of her. Women, they respond to someone who's connected with somebody.

24:08 Drew He must be okay.

24:09 Adam He must be okay. He must have something. Right. But I'll let you continue with your theory because I don't think that's solely it. I think it's somewhere in between.

24:18 Jason Winer It's a combination of things. But then, so you fantasize about being able to be with somebody, but you're comforted by the fact that you really can't act on it. So you're free to fantasize. Like this guy is free to idealize this woman. But the second he's single and he would actually be free to pursue her, he's going to feel the sting of not being able to get her.

24:40 Drew Or actually, and that and also having the burden of an actual relationship.

24:44 Adam Well, yeah, there's two possible scenarios here. One is she ain't going to be interested in him.

24:51 Drew She won't be.

24:51 Adam No, I highly doubt it. A number two, three weeks into it, he finds out she's had two abortions and her uncle jumped on her or something. And it turns out his friend, Lou, nailed her before he went to the service four years ago. And then she just becomes another one who, then he spots someone else who's a little greener.

25:15 Drew Right.

25:16 Adam That's how it works. So unless that guy's got a four year old, for Christ's sake. Come on.

25:20 Drew Be dad for crying out loud.

25:21 Caller Yeah.

25:21 Adam Act like a man. Okay. I want a quick talk here. Bill?

25:26 Caller Yeah.

25:27 Adam You're 40?

25:28 Caller Yeah. How's it going?

25:29 Adam Yeah. You're an exhibitionist?

25:30 Caller Well, yeah, in a sense, yeah.

25:32 Adam You expose yourself to women in public?

25:34 Caller Well, I don't actually expose flesh. But as I was telling your screener, what I normally do like restaurants, usually a good restaurant like a Denny's or something. You know, I'll go to a great coffee.

25:48 Drew Yeah, good restaurant.

25:50 Caller And I'll wear some pants that are somewhat rebuilding like maybe a pair of white pants, nothing underneath.

25:59 Adam Wait a minute, I'm being tantalized now. Slow down here, Bill.

26:04 Caller Well, like, you know, I try to be at an angle, you know, where I'm setting. I'm like, you know, cross from the girl. Right.

26:13 Adam I understand. I'm like, hold on a second. It is a...

26:16 Drew Is that a full moon tonight?

26:17 Adam Psychotard tonight. Is that a word?

26:19 Drew Now is.

26:20 Adam Psychotard.

26:21 Drew What kind of jackhole?

26:22 Adam That is a retard with a lot of energy. That's a retard with an ego. Egotard. That's who calls this show egotards. These are retarded folks with inflated egos. See, most of the time, retarded guys are like, you give them something shiny to look at and tell them they did a good job. You see the Special Olympics, right? You give them a little paddle with the ball on the end of it. They're happy for a year. But we have the e-guitard, which is the most dangerous breed because it has the intelligence of the retard, yet the ego of an NBA All-Star forward.

27:02 Drew It's also the 152nd Pokemon.

27:05 Adam E-guitard?

27:05 Drew Yes.

27:06 Adam All right. It has wings and it cramps on radio shows. We're going to take ourselves a little break and we'll be back after this.

27:15 Caller We're about to get funky, yo.

27:18 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

27:48 Adam Hey, hey, hey.

27:50 Caller It's Loveline.

27:51 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Jason Winer's here tonight. He is from The Blame Game, Monday through Friday, 5.30 on MTV. Also, you can find him coming up on the 10th. That's...

28:05 Jason Winer Monday night.

28:06 Adam Monday night movie, The King of the World. That's the Muhammad Ali story, Nine O'Clock. And boy, there's a Muhammad Ali movie coming out.

28:17 Jason Winer Maybe not.

28:18 Adam Maybe not.

28:19 Jason Winer Because of the TV movie and all that. I think they're reconsidering. I don't know. They're waiting to see.

28:26 Adam I know when We Were Kings came out a couple of years ago, a documentary and all that. But then there was the Muhammad Ali song. Muhammad, Muhammad Ali. I don't remember that. He floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. Muhammad, the Black Superman. Hell yes. I wonder if the real Superman is pissed. That was probably 1975. Wow. 76, 75. Yeah. No, no. How come I know stuff, Drew? Where were you?

29:05 Drew I was just going to say it must have been 76 because that's when I left the culture of this planet.

29:10 Adam Let me explain.

29:11 Drew From 76 to 88, I did not exist in the American culture.

29:13 Adam Let me explain how Drew works, by the way.

29:16 Jason Winer Please.

29:17 Adam Drew works like this. I mentioned something that everyone else should know, such as the magician Doug Hanning.

29:25 Drew Never heard of him.

29:25 Adam Drew's never heard of him. Then I say, sure, you know Doug Hanning, he was real hot in 1970, and then fill in the blank, 71, 79, could be 85, whatever it is. Whatever. Then Drew says, whatever a date I say, well sure, 1970, fill in the blank, 1980, fill in the blank, 1990, fill in the blank. Sure, during that time, I was going through my fill in the blank, and that's why he doesn't know. As if 70 through 85 was my, lock myself at home, read the newspaper, watch TV time. No one else left the house, Drew, please. Still yet, yet we seem to know who Doug Henning is.

30:14 Drew I don't know who Doug Henning is.

30:15 Adam That's my point. That is my point.

30:18 Caller The world of illusion.

30:20 Adam How old are you, Jason?

30:21 Jason Winer Well, I know it from Saturday Night Live.

30:22 Adam How old are you?

30:23 Jason Winer I'm in my twenties.

30:25 Adam You're twenty-three? Uh-huh. Yeah, you know who Doug Henning is.

30:29 Drew He wasn't born when Doug Henning was doing his thing.

30:31 Adam That's right. Oh, okay. It's just, it's just, you're sickening me. Get out of the studio. Do the rest of the show from the car. Bill?

30:38 Caller Yeah.

30:39 Adam Uh, so Bill's, uh, forty.

30:41 Caller Yeah.

30:41 Adam And, uh, Bill, you're sounding less weird than you were sounding before.

30:45 Caller Well, you know, I heard, uh, I'm trying to hurry, I was trying to hurry because I'm really, I'm at work actually.

30:50 Adam Oh, my God. You work, where do you work?

30:53 Caller Uh, I work, uh, I do night maintenance.

30:56 Adam Okay, so good. Bill, uh, is a guy who's not really an exhibitionist. I mean, he doesn't show flesh, but he will put on some cycling shorts and go into an upscale place like a Denny's, maybe an Arby's or Sambo's, and sit down and show the ladies what he has.

31:12 Caller Right. And, you know, and I basically, you know, I just wait to see what kind of reaction, you know, a lot of times it's positive, you know, I mean, sometimes girls who might, you know, like if they're wearing a dress, that's usually ones I focus in on. Sure. Yeah. You know, usually, you know, they sometimes they might show just a little more thigh or, or they might put the tongue and cheek, you know, and make the little motion there.

31:37 Adam No, you mean like the oral sex motion?

31:39 Drew No way.

31:40 Caller Yeah.

31:40 Adam I mean, you spot a guy who's, I'll tell you, there's nothing turns the ladies on more than incredibly tight slacks, really clingy tight white slacks with no underpants on, you know, where they can really see the outline of your penis through the pants. Oh, yeah. And when they spot that from across the restaurant, I don't care if they're out with their fiancee. They're going to give you a look, and then they're going to give you the oral sex motion, where they put the fist up to the hand and they take the tongue and oh.

32:10 Jason Winer Sounds like this guy is just an advanced flirter.

32:13 Caller But you see them, you know, like, they might lick their lips or, like I said, they just might make the motion. And like I said, you know, I...

32:20 Adam Let me translate all this. They're staring at a pile of pancakes trying to eat. They reach for the maple syrup and Bill takes that, is a very strong message.

32:32 Drew She takes a big bite of pancake, there's pancake in the cheek. She's chewing.

32:36 Caller That's right.

32:37 Jason Winer I don't think you're giving Bill enough credit.

32:39 Caller You're probably not.

32:39 Jason Winer I mean, this guy is smooth.

32:40 Adam Bill, what kind of wheels do you have? What kind of car do you drive? Because I know the lady's like that.

32:46 Caller Well, let's just say it's not a Cadillac, but it's a Dynasty.

32:54 Drew What Dynasty?

32:55 Caller Ninety-one Dynasty.

32:56 Adam Nice.

32:57 Oh my God.

32:59 Adam Yeah, that's nice. With the blue velour interior?

33:04 Caller Yeah.

33:05 Adam Nice.

33:06 Caller You got it in one. How did you know that?

33:09 Adam All in one. Is the interior blue velour? Yeah, it is. Thank you.

33:14 Drew All right, you're a genius.

33:15 Adam Yeah. Yeah. How many options for interiors are there? How many are in blue velour?

33:21 Drew I've never heard of blue velour.

33:24 Adam That's right. I'm a genius. Do you hear me?

33:26 Drew Blue velour was only available between 1976 and 1988.

33:30 Adam When you were doing your residency.

33:32 Caller That's right. All right.

33:33 Adam Hey, Bill?

33:34 Caller Right.

33:34 Adam Yeah, you're scaring me. So I don't know what your question is. What is it?

33:38 Caller Well, basically, like I said, since I'm not actually shown any flash, you know, can I actually get busted?

33:47 Adam No. No.

33:48 Caller Indecent exposure or anything like that?

33:49 Drew No, but you could be, you know, you could be asked to leave establishment for harassing behavior.

33:53 Adam No, I got to tell you, my only worry if I was a guy like Bill was that I've got, that I get enough women heated up to such a degree that I'm pounced on in the parking lot. Right. Brows flying, hair pulling, you know what I mean? I mean, Bill, women can be like sharks and work into a frenzy.

34:12 Jason Winer He could be getting himself into a dangerous situation.

34:15 Adam Yeah. It's important to sort of know your environment and just do not show, you know, that kind of scrotal bulb in an upscale Denny type establishment.

34:26 Drew God.

34:27 Adam Joe?

34:28 Drew Yeah.

34:29 Adam I love to, boy, it's fascinating to me, like what goes on in people's minds as opposed to what really goes on in life and society, isn't there?

34:39 Drew Yeah.

34:40 Adam And I guess, isn't that, if you really think about it, isn't that the definition of sanity? Everybody has a little of their own thing, a little of their own ass going on in their own head, little of their own drama, little of their own mantra, whatever's going on in their own head. And most people, they're 5, 8, 10% off of what really is going on out there. But when you're insane, you're 90% off.

35:05 Drew Yeah.

35:06 Adam Most of our listeners are in the 60s.

35:08 Drew Yeah, the more connected to reality.

35:10 Adam I'd say. This guy was in like the mid-high 80s. Out of reality. In terms of what was going on in his head as opposed to what was going on. The ladies looking across, licking their lips, showing a little leg. Oh my God.

35:21 Jason Winer Shouldn't, for the record, shouldn't we just say quit it?

35:25 Drew Yes, yes.

35:26 Jason Winer I don't think we really said it.

35:27 Adam You're right. You're absolutely right. You keep this up, Jason's going to get your picture in the entertainment weekly.

35:34 Jason Winer That's right.

35:35 Adam Joe?

35:35 Caller Yeah.

35:36 Adam You're 29.

35:37 Caller Yeah.

35:39 I met this girl in a college class. She's from Germany. We were working together in a group project thing, and we started hitting it off. But one of the things I noticed as I saw her right before the break was she has like really hairy armpits.

35:59 Caller Yikes.

36:01 And so I'm just kind of wondering if I hit it up with this chick, how can I ask her to, you know, shave that?

36:11 Adam And you got to do the math. If she's got the hairy armpits, she's probably wearing like three Merkins down the stairs.

36:19 Well, you know what, in shorts once, her legs were not hairy.

36:23 Jason Winer Well, I think you could go subtly positive. You know what I mean? You're like, oh, I really, you know, I like touching you here. I just, I wish it was smooth. I don't know. That sounded really disgusting. Really awful.

36:36 Drew I think you have to be really explicit if it's somebody you're involved with, not right away, but eventually. You have to say, this is just not something in my culture.

36:44 Adam She's from Germany?

36:46 Yeah.

36:46 Drew It's just something that troubles me, bothers me, it's all.

36:48 Adam Yeah. Is she like Earth Mama or is that just a pure cultural thing?

36:53 No. Let's just be her thing.

36:56 Adam I don't know. You know what?

36:58 It seems like it might be a foreign thing, a European thing.

37:02 Adam Yeah. I think it is. But she's out here now and she's staying out here?

37:09 I assume so.

37:10 Adam All right. Well, listen, just begin dating her. See if you get to the point where you have to bring it up. Okay?

37:20 Jason Winer I couldn't do it.

37:21 Adam You really? You can figure a deal for me?

37:23 Jason Winer It's a... To me, I have kind of an armpit thing, believe it or not, if I can come clean about that right here.

37:29 Drew What do you do with armpits?

37:30 Jason Winer Well, you know, kiss.

37:32 Adam Mount?

37:33 Jason Winer Mount.

37:34 Drew Sure.

37:34 Jason Winer The whole deal.

37:35 Adam Soil. The whole thing. Whatever you can do to other parts.

37:38 Jason Winer I think it's a very erotic area.

37:41 Adam Do you?

37:41 Jason Winer Yeah. And you know, I don't mind the hairy armpit as a political statement. I've got nothing against it. It's just not a it's not. It becomes decidedly less attractive when her suit.

37:52 Adam My my thing. My thing about women in general is I want them to look as far away from a man as possible. That's my approach. That's why I like the big cans. Because you don't have that. No. No. Man has no no breasts or at least a lot of guys don't have breasts. Right. And I see this is what I want in a woman. I want a woman to look whatever guy has. I want them not to have. A will start with the penis. Let's just start right with the penis. That's A number one. Then it goes to scrotum. Then you start. Then you go to breast. You want the breast, not the flesh. Then you start getting into arm hair, underarm hair, leg hair. But ultimately, when you really think about it, you want them to be the antithesis of you. And that's what I'm looking for.

38:47 Drew No hair.

38:48 Adam Yeah. I don't want to hump me. I want to hump me.

38:53 Drew We'll do what you normally do.

38:54 Adam I'll do what I normally do. I'll go home and hump myself.

38:58 Jason Winer But he could trim it in her sleep.

39:02 Drew When we come back, I want to talk about I got attacked again by these people who apparently as a whole organization that claimed we talked about RU-486 last night.

39:10 Adam Oh, please.

39:11 Drew When we talked about Prevan and Plan B, which has nothing to do with RU-486.

39:16 Adam More of the e-guitars.

39:17 Drew It just shows their ignorance.

39:19 Adam OK.

39:19 Drew They look so awful when they do this stuff.

39:21 Adam Listen, is the man showing a commercial or where is it? Because the show is on now?

39:25 Drew It's the best of. Come on.

39:27 Adam We'll take a break and we'll come back. I forgot about that, Drew. All right. What the hell is going on here? Yes, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm holding, by the way, Jason Miners here, Winer, sorry, from The Blame Game, 530 on, what is that? MTV. Yeah. Monday through Friday. Also, King of the World, which is the Muhammad Ali story, which will be in the Monday Night Movie on ABC, 9 o'clock. Let's not forget those official ballots for the TV Guide.

40:42 Drew Was there a writing spot? They can write in Loveline. How about that?

40:45 Adam No, don't bother with that nonsense. But the man show you want to check off is in the favored new series category. By the way, there's some movies called, I mean, there's some series, one called Farscape.

40:59 Drew Yeah, I've never heard of it.

41:00 Adam What is that?

41:02 Jason Winer Sci-Fi channel, sounds like.

41:03 Adam Oh, really?

41:04 Jason Winer I'm just guessing.

41:05 Adam It's funny, I was standing in an office with Stone and Stanley, the Loveline and Man Show producers. These guys, they read the tabloids, I mean, sorry, the trade papers, probably the tabloids too. Actually, they masturbate to the tabloids, but they read the trades and Daniel, the Man Show producer and a bunch of other TV people, and I said, Farscape and nobody in the room could come up with it. I thought, well, if none of these people can come up with it, and I don't know what the hell it is, how the hell they get on here? How does that work? Well, anyway.

41:39 Jason Winer MTV is probably promoting it.

41:42 Adam Please, please, please. It's the runaway hit of the new season. Of course, Shasta McNancy is on here as well. WWF SmackDown, Roswell judging Amy, a bunch of other duds. So again, the man shows. What you check off when you get that balance. Josh?

42:01 Yeah.

42:02 Adam You're 18?

42:02 Caller Yeah.

42:03 Adam What's up? What's up?

42:05 Caller What's going on, guys? Hey. Me and my friends were wondering, like, we've all tried to find the G-spot. Like on all our girlfriends.

42:13 Adam Drew Stapp with the coloring. Yeah.

42:15 Caller And like we've read in books that like it doesn't exist, and in other books it says it does. I mean, we just all really want to know if it really exists at all.

42:24 Adam All right. Every, everything I ever hear about the G-spot and the way to get to it is, it's, you know, you go in the vagina and you go up.

42:36 Drew It's basically the back side of the clitoris, basically.

42:39 Adam Yeah, but inside, right, it's the root of all evil.

42:46 Drew The root.

42:47 Jason Winer The other side of the looking glass.

42:49 Drew Some women have a great deal of sensitivity there, and some people have very little.

42:52 Adam I've not met too many of those gals, although I haven't met many gals, you know, just period. But listen, here's the deal with this G-spot nonsense. You do a good job on the Clitoris in your home free. You don't have to worry about the G-spot. You understand? And let me tell you something, Josh. All women want is oral sex and jewelry. And both sometimes.

43:20 Caller Yeah, and they don't want to give it back though.

43:23 Adam Well, some will, but you got to really give a lot of jewelry with the oral sex, which don't they want to give back. Listen, Josh, let me give you a tip, because you're young and your tongue is low mileage. But I'm going to save you a lot of time. Perform the oral sex and don't go too crazy on them. Take it nice and slow.

43:44 Caller Nice and slow.

43:44 Adam Nice and slow and rhythmic. Be methodical.

43:49 Caller Okay.

43:50 Adam Like you're washing a van. Don't miss any part. All right.

43:55 Jason Winer Josh, did you ever see the movie Waterworld?

43:58 Caller Yeah, I did, yeah.

43:59 Jason Winer Yeah, so the G-spot I think is a little bit like dry land in Waterworld.

44:03 Adam That's right.

44:03 Jason Winer You know, everybody says it doesn't exist, but one day you'll find it.

44:07 Adam Yeah, that's right. That's right. It wasn't such a bad movie, you know, everyone makes fun of it. It wasn't that bad. I was all right with that. It was kind of fun.

44:16 Drew I think it was per what was spent was the issue.

44:20 Adam Yeah, it was like 30 million worth of entertainment for a $145 million movie or whatever the hell it was. But I don't go into it. For me, as long as the $145 million, you know, they don't prorate the cost of the ticket.

44:35 Drew Right.

44:36 Adam If I'm using, I'm probably not using the term right. The point is, yeah, I don't pay $63 just because the movie was $145 million.

44:45 Drew They don't pass along the cost to the consumer.

44:46 Adam If you're stupid enough to spend $145 million on a movie, you're still going to charge me seven bucks. Right. I'm stupid enough to want to spend my seven bucks on the Blair Witch project, which was 15 grand. You know what I'm saying? That's why I go to the expensive one. To me, it's not about entertainment, it's about value.

45:05 Drew That's right.

45:08 Adam I mean, anyone can be entertained, but what about value? Victoria? Yes. You're 19 years old. Yes. Seriously, if your ticket had to do with a percentage of the movie cost, it'd be a problem. What the hell would that be like Blair Witch is supposed to? Is it?

45:26 Drew Titanic.

45:26 Adam Right. It's supposed to Titanic. Right. Victoria, you're 19. What's up? Yeah.

45:32 Caller Okay. First of all, I want to say happy holidays and happy New Year to everybody.

45:36 Adam Thanks.

45:37 Caller And Adam, I think you're a very handsome man.

45:41 Adam Who, me?

45:42 Caller Yeah.

45:42 Adam Yes. Thank you.

45:43 Caller You're welcome. Okay. My question is, okay, I'm bisexual but my boyfriend, he knows it but he's never seen me be involved with a girl. And the other, about Tuesday of last week, he had come home from work early and me and my girlfriend were together. And he walked into the bedroom and it was weird because everybody just like stopped. Everybody was just looking at each other. Our mouths were like on the floor. We were just like, and it was just nobody said a word. And then all of a sudden he just like takes off his clothes, jumps in and we have this like big huge threesome.

46:24 Caller Is this a penthouse forum?

46:26 Adam Right. You're a sophomore to Midwest College. No. Did he, he knew this girl obviously?

46:36 Caller No.

46:36 Adam No, he never saw her before?

46:37 Caller No, never.

46:38 Wow.

46:41 Caller No words were said.

46:42 Drew But knowing that you're bisexual is different than knowing that you're cheating on him.

46:45 Caller Well, no, it's not that. I'm, I'm kind of torn because I, I told him that sometime in the future, I would want to have a threesome with a girl and he said, that's fine. But this was like months ago and I thought he had totally forgotten about it because I had. And after this happened, I've been totally uncomfortable with him.

47:05 Drew What do you think the probability is, Adam, that the guy had forgotten about that promise?

47:09 Adam I know, huh? Alright. So, Victoria, let me just make sure I got this straight. He came home from work early.

47:15 Caller Yes.

47:15 Adam How early?

47:17 Caller He usually gets off at 10 o'clock at night and he came home at 6.

47:21 Adam Alright, so he got home quite a bit early.

47:23 Caller Yes.

47:24 Adam And then he got off at 605, 606 again? Yes. And so he walks in. You guys are having sex. Yes. By the way, the only people I've ever seen having sex, I sort of stumbled across, was my dad, you know, when I was 11 or something. Where? I saw his hairy ass. You know, the door was cracked open. I was heading down the hall. I mean, you know, yeah. Yeah. I didn't want to join in, but what are you going to do? Hey, there's a certain protocol. I didn't see anything. You know, it's just like, you know, I heard some noise.

47:58 Drew I've never heard you talk about this before. Did your stepmom know about this? She doesn't know.

48:02 Adam Yeah, I sent her a card every year, you idiot. No, I didn't see anything. It was just, you know, the door was cracked open. I heard noises, you know. But the point is, it wasn't my hot 18-year-old girlfriend with her bisexual friend that was getting it on.

48:17 Caller And the door was closed on top of it.

48:19 Adam All right, so he walks in, right?

48:22 Caller Yes.

48:22 Adam Takes his clothes off. Has sex with both of you?

48:25 Caller Well, no, for about two minutes, he just stood there in the doorway.

48:28 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he gets naked.

48:32 Caller Yes.

48:33 Adam Okay.

48:33 Jason Winer Then what happened?

48:34 Caller He comes on the bed and we just like, everybody just started having fun.

48:39 Adam Did he have sex with your friend?

48:41 Caller Yes.

48:41 Adam He did?

48:42 Caller Yes.

48:42 Drew He had intercourse with her? That bothers her now.

48:45 Caller Intercourse, but not really intercourse.

48:48 Adam Right.

48:49 Caller Like not in her designer.

48:50 Adam Right. But-

48:52 Caller That's another thing I'm comfortable with because I want-

48:55 Adam But what? Wait a minute. What did he get? Oral sex?

48:57 Caller No, he got anal sex.

48:59 Adam Okay. Hold on. Hold on. I got to masturbate.

49:01 Hold on.

49:04 Adam That's it. I was thinking about it five minutes ago, but now it's a done deal. We got to- It's a long break, right, Anderson? I'm going to go out to the car. That's why I got the windows tinted. We're going to take a little break, and then we're going to come back to Victoria and figure out how the anal sex with the girlfriend-

49:22 Jason Winer I want to know what her problem is now. What's the problem? I don't understand.

49:26 Drew She's freaked out.

49:27 Jason Winer Okay.

49:27 Adam We'll be back.

49:29 Let's have some more fun.

49:30 Caller Okay, let's do it. Call Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191. Love Line, we'll be right back.

50:08 Adam Love Line, we gotta take a quick ten second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just ten seconds.

50:29 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Jason Winer is here from The Blame Game, Monday through Friday, 5.30 on MTV. And also coming up this Monday, the 9 o'clock ABC Movie of the Week. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. King of the World. Muhammad Ali story. All right, so when we left off, we're speaking to Victoria. She's 19. Her fiancee came home early from work, caught her with another gal, Get It On. He never met this other gal, stood at the door, dumbfounded for a beat or two, looked down at the penis, penis looked up at him, the scrotum shrugged, and they dove in.

51:14 Drew You know what's amazing? Do you remember last night across the top of the air, what we were talking about?

51:18 Adam No.

51:19 Drew The bizarre, we've had some very bizarre calls.

51:21 Adam Yes.

51:21 Drew From the exhibitionist a half hour ago to the 400 pound woman with the 97 pound ovarian tumor. Which we crossed the top of the air with last night.

51:30 Adam Yes. She was 480 when she met her 145 pound husband.

51:35 Drew I just was going through the forum, the drdrew.com where there's lots of discussion about her. Oh, really? Some a-hole writes, Adam is great in every single forum. Did you put that up?

51:46 Adam It's my Catholic little brother.

51:48 Drew I got home doing that. I see. Nobody responded to it like that.

51:52 Adam That means we're going to Farrell's this weekend. Victoria?

51:55 Caller Yes.

51:55 Adam Okay. So you're bisexual.

51:58 Caller Yes.

51:58 Adam And your boyfriend walked in. Now, he started having sex with the both of you.

52:03 Caller Yep.

52:03 Adam And he had anal sex with the girl you're with, even though he had never met her before.

52:11 Caller Yep.

52:12 Adam And is this the first time he'd ever laid eyes on her? Because, see, to me, this has got to be some sort of sodomy record.

52:19 Jason Winer Yeah.

52:20 Adam Do you know what I mean? Like, the average time from the time you meet somebody or just see somebody to the time you actually sodomize them is like six months, 27 days, and 14 hours, 32 minutes. I think that's like the average.

52:35 Jason Winer Certainly, there's a lot of dinners first.

52:37 Adam Many, and it ain't just Gaspacho in the bread bowl, it is the surf and turf.

52:43 Jason Winer Yeah.

52:44 Adam The point is, this guy was in the back door within 10 minutes after he actually spotted her.

52:50 Jason Winer Did they even exchange a sentence? Was there any verbal communication whatsoever?

52:54 Drew Well, you guys, where are you going, guys?

52:57 Adam I'm fascinated by this.

52:58 Drew The situation is so sick.

52:59 Adam Who did he start in on first? Shut Drew's mic. I've had enough of him. And keep it off for tomorrow night, too. Hey, Victoria?

53:08 Caller Yeah?

53:09 Adam So he came in. Is that her?

53:12 Caller No, that's my mother.

53:13 Drew Oh.

53:16 Drew Oh, my god.

53:20 Jason Winer This is so wrong.

53:22 Adam What?

53:23 Drew Is grandma living there, too?

53:25 Caller Grandma? No, actually, it's just me and my mom.

53:27 Adam OK. Is your mom hip to this?

53:31 Jason Winer No.

53:31 Adam OK. She didn't hear what you were saying?

53:33 Caller No, she didn't.

53:34 Adam OK. Let's get back.

53:36 She didn't.

53:41 Adam Oh, hello? Oh, boy. No, that was her friend. That was her friend goofing off. I don't think it was her mom. Two nights ago, or was it last week? Last week, I was like a 17-year-old girl called them. You know, see, what happens on this show is, especially with some of the affiliates, if they're calling in to the show live and there's a two or three hour time difference, it's two in the morning when they're calling in. And they're 17, so they're always like, yeah, my boyfriend. So they're in the room obviously with the quilt pulled over their head while their parents are sleeping down the hall. So last week, girl calls in, she goes, she's in a room, she lights off, she's got the comforter pulled up, she goes, the other night, I was giving my boyfriend a rim-jacket. Oh, good night, oh, good night.

54:34 Drew You too, I love you.

54:34 Adam I love you, yes, I flossed. Good night, shut the door.

54:38 Drew Oh, grandma.

54:39 Adam Night, grandma. It's like, oh my God. Can you imagine that?

54:46 Drew I made Anderson replay that tape for me the next night because it was so amazing.

54:50 Adam Yeah, you don't-

54:51 Drew Do you have that?

54:52 Adam No, Anderson doesn't have that. That'd be good radio. All right. Let's keep moving ahead here, Drew.

54:58 All right.

54:58 Adam Drew, stop preoccupying with yourself and your own website and start picking some calls. Stanley? Hey. You're 17.

55:05 Caller Yeah, I just wanted to say first-

55:07 Adam Drew, stop with the marking. Stop with the marking. You can hear it on the radio. Say that every night and every night you do it. Stanley, go ahead.

55:16 Caller Yeah, you guys are hilarious. I love listening to your show.

55:18 Adam Thanks.

55:19 Caller And then the reason I called you is actually I'm kind of scared out of my mind right now. All right. My girlfriend is on the pill and we try to use condoms almost every time but we've slipped a few times, you know. We figured it would be okay.

55:35 Adam Because she's on the pill, right?

55:37 Caller Yeah, we figured having that backup might, it would probably be okay.

55:41 Drew I'm already confused.

55:42 Adam She's on the pill but he uses a condom to play it safe anyway.

55:46 Drew So that, I mean, makes it 100% on top of 100% impossible if you're pregnant.

55:51 Adam Okay. But once in a while, they don't use the condom.

55:54 Caller Okay. Then one of the side effects, you know, she has a really regular period, like she can pretty much mark the day it starts. Well, this time around, she was a day late and now she's got a flow that is like, I guess she said it's like if the old one was Niagara Falls, then this is like a raindrop. Oh, well. And when she took out the tampon, it was like not the right color. She said it was like black instead of red.

56:22 Adam And had a fingernail in it.

56:24 Caller I don't know about that.

56:25 Drew Teeth and hair, remember?

56:26 Adam Right.

56:28 Caller But she's just like panicking.

56:29 Adam And it was black. Well, the black would be dried blood, wouldn't it?

56:32 Drew That's right. It's a small flow.

56:34 Caller Is that, could it just be, could like having a really light flow?

56:37 Drew Relax.

56:38 Jason Winer If anything, be worried about your girlfriend. Maybe there's something, I mean, it doesn't sound like she's pregnant, but maybe she's.

56:44 Caller I can't, I called in sick to work, and I'm going to drag her to the doctor on Friday. For what? Just to see if she's okay, because I mean, off, it could be off, couldn't she?

56:54 Drew What could be off?

56:56 Caller Well, it shouldn't be black. It should be red, right?

56:59 Drew No, many women have very dark, will be very dark when they take their tampon off. She's having a light flow.

57:05 Adam Right.

57:05 Drew She'll leave it in longer because it's light. It will turn dark while it's in there a longer period of time.

57:10 Adam Right. God bless Stanley for being so concerned. Yeah. I saw the Valtrex kickboxing commercial today.

57:18 Drew Oh, no kidding.

57:19 Adam Yeah. My favorite ad. Have you seen this, Jason? This Valtrex is a genital herpes suppression medication.

57:27 Jason Winer Oh, I have seen this maybe.

57:29 Adam She is kickboxing. It's like a five-minute commercial. She's working out, she's kickboxing, she's swimming in the pool, she's running, then it's back to kickboxing again. She has her own personal trainer, and then the guy shows up. That's her man. And that's saying, you know what? I may have genital herpes, but you know what?

57:48 Drew That's slow me down.

57:49 Adam I still kick some ass.

57:51 Jason Winer What I love about those commercials are the long lists of side effects spoken very quickly at the end of the commercials.

57:57 Adam That's right, rectal bleeding and rectal discharge. If you're pregnant, if you have hair, if you're over 5'5, if you live in an urban center, if you drive an SUV, it's like-

58:05 Jason Winer Shown over a slow motion, out of focus shot of people in a field of lilies.

58:09 Adam Right, right. Yeah, and it's great. Yeah, it's great when they talked about rectal discharge and stuff like that. Meanwhile, yeah, the girls gathering wildflowers. Yeah, and I've yelled at Drew many, many a time about this, which is I understand this country is run by a bunch of screwball lawyers, and now we have to say everything. But I don't really want to hear, like I'm sitting and I'm eating. And I'm hearing about, first off, it's a medication that I'm not interested in because I don't possess whatever it is it's made for. Number two, I then have to hear about all the horrible side effects that may go with the medication that I'm not interested in. And I think to myself, you know what? Just tell the person when they get the goddamn medication about the goddamn side effects. Don't, would you have to list everything in a commercial? Do you know what I mean? Like when you sell a card, do you have to explain that you could get into an accident? I mean, look at cars, by the way. You know what I love? I love the car commercials. Here's one that drives me insane. They have the car commercials and they have these wild car commercials, this VW commercial, this Jetta or Passat or whatever commercial, where it's like a 70s cop spoof and the cops are chasing someone and they look at this powder blue sports car, then they look at a guy on a motorcycle, then the guy pulls up in the Jetta and they all jump in. And it's kind of streets of San Francisco and the guy's getting air, jumping over cable cars and whatnot. And there's that thing that runs at the bottom, professional driver, closed road. Do not try this.

59:41 Jason Winer Right.

59:42 Adam Is there really, could a case be made if they didn't run that and I went and bought a new Volkswagen and tried to jump it down at the Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco that I could then sue the manufacturer for showing it on the commercial? I mean, do we have to distill things down that far? Do you know what I mean? Does every single car commercial that shows a car winding down a road or going through some pylons out in the desert, do we have to have that disclaimer that this is a special stunt driver and that this is a closed course or can we just watch the goddamn car on the road? Do you know what I mean? Is it really going to be a case that's going to be made? It drives me insane. It would drive me insane if I was making the commercial.

1:00:30 Drew Here's what drives me nuts is not only do you get that at the commercial, you get the sheet of microfiche, which is everything, every time your heart beats, something could happen and the pharmacist is then required to give like a fact sheet and some labels on the medicine on top of that. The translation of those sheets are for your doctor. What they say is when you look at it for the doctor is, the sky is blue, the sky is blue, the sky is blue, the sky is blue, and the patient come back and go, Doctor, you didn't tell me the sky is blue.

1:01:02 Adam Right. Okay. Listen, yes, if you're going to print so small that it can't be read without an electron microscope, then what use is the print on the back of the ad, the magazine ad for the Valtrax is the list where they take the script from Barry Lyndon and they distill it down to the backside of one time magazine page. You guys like my Barry Lyndon reference?

1:01:28 Jason Winer That was nice.

1:01:28 Adam Thank you.

1:01:29 Drew It was a lot for that.

1:01:29 Adam That's right. It's a four-hour movie. Thank you very much. Oh, the crew was actually out of the house when that movie was in the theater.

1:01:37 Drew Think about my choices back then. Managed to see Barry Lyndon.

1:01:40 Adam Ben?

1:01:41 Caller Yeah.

1:01:42 Adam You're 16.

1:01:43 Caller Yeah.

1:01:44 Caller New Year's Eve.

1:01:45 Caller Yeah.

1:01:47 Caller Me and my friends went out and we were partying pretty good.

1:01:51 Caller And we picked up these girls.

1:01:54 And we went to a party.

1:01:56 Caller We did some drinking.

1:01:58 Caller Then we came back to my house where we have a hot tub.

1:02:01 Caller And we didn't really know these girls too well. And we got in.

1:02:06 Caller And I was wondering if I could get any STDs from...

1:02:10 Drew Just from swimming in the same water with people you don't know.

1:02:13 Caller Yeah.

1:02:14 Drew No. No? No.

1:02:16 Caller There was no sexual contact.

1:02:17 But we were all naked.

1:02:19 Drew No.

1:02:19 Adam Hey, why wasn't there any sexual contact, man? I mean, talk about not being able to close a deal. You got a bunch of chicks drunk and naked in a hot tub on New Year's Eve. You don't grab any crotch?

1:02:30 Caller Oh, well, yeah.

1:02:31 Adam You did?

1:02:32 Caller No.

1:02:32 Adam Yeah.

1:02:34 Caller No.

1:02:34 Adam You didn't?

1:02:35 Caller No.

1:02:35 Adam Hey, Ben.

1:02:36 Caller Yeah.

1:02:37 Adam What happened there?

1:02:38 Caller I don't know, man.

1:02:40 Adam Well, I mean, you went out. You met some chicks, right?

1:02:43 Caller Yeah, we choked.

1:02:44 Adam You and how many friends? So you and your two guy buddies?

1:02:50 Caller Yeah.

1:02:50 Adam So three guys?

1:02:51 Caller Yeah.

1:02:51 Adam You go out and you meet how many women? Maybe eight. Maybe eight?

1:02:57 Caller Yeah.

1:02:57 Adam You couldn't get a clear tally of them? Seriously, how many women did you get back to that hot tub?

1:03:03 Three.

1:03:04 Adam Three. Okay. So you met maybe eight?

1:03:07 Yeah. And we brought three back.

1:03:08 Adam But you brought three back. Yeah.

1:03:11 Drew It's like a fishing story.

1:03:12 Adam E-guitars.

1:03:12 Caller Yeah.

1:03:13 Adam And you got three into the hot tub?

1:03:15 Caller Yeah.

1:03:16 Adam So there's three of you and three of them?

1:03:18 Caller Yeah.

1:03:18 Adam And what are they wearing?

1:03:20 Caller Nothing.

1:03:20 Adam They're naked?

1:03:21 Caller Yeah.

1:03:21 Adam And you guys are all in the hot tub?

1:03:23 Caller Yeah.

1:03:23 Adam And you sit around?

1:03:24 Drew What if you get naked at a party?

1:03:25 Adam What's that?

1:03:26 Caller What was that?

1:03:27 Adam And you didn't even put like your big toe in anyone?

1:03:30 Caller Nope.

1:03:31 Adam No. And you're in the hot tub and everyone's naked and everyone's drunk, right?

1:03:34 Caller Right.

1:03:34 Adam And then what?

1:03:37 Caller I don't know.

1:03:38 Caller We stay in there till like 3 in the morning.

1:03:39 Adam Right. Just talking.

1:03:41 Caller Yeah.

1:03:41 Adam And what about your two buddies? None of them were closers either?

1:03:45 Drew I don't know.

1:03:46 Caller Chris, my friend, started getting sick, so.

1:03:49 Drew Sick?

1:03:49 Adam Yeah.

1:03:51 Jason Winer Hey, this is actually similar to what happened to me on New Year's Eve.

1:03:55 Adam Really?

1:03:56 Jason Winer Yeah. The actual moment of the countdown.

1:03:59 Adam You started finding money? You've just been drinking all day?

1:04:02 Jason Winer Well, I had had the flu, so I hadn't drank a drop of alcohol for four weeks, at least.

1:04:08 Adam Wow, that would be a personal pass for me.

1:04:11 Jason Winer So, you know, I'm with a bunch of friends. We're making a big dinner. I started drinking wine. It was New Year's Eve, you know, big deal. Then we're toasting during dinner. And by then, I'm just totally sloshed. About five of midnight, the spins hit. About as the countdown was happening at number five, I was curled over the toilet. By 1206, I was passed out.

1:04:36 Adam In the bathroom, you make it into the bed? Or were you at someone else's house?

1:04:39 Jason Winer I made it to the bed. Well, I threw up once during the countdown and once during old langsine.

1:04:43 Adam Oh, that's nice.

1:04:43 Jason Winer Yeah.

1:04:44 Adam And no one can figure out the old langsine thing, by the way.

1:04:49 Drew The words?

1:04:49 Adam Yeah.

1:04:50 Drew No, I have no idea what they are.

1:04:51 Adam And what does that mean?

1:04:52 Drew No one knows.

1:04:53 Adam And is it old langsine?

1:04:55 Drew Yes.

1:04:56 Adam And what kind of word is that? Should old acquaintance be forgot?

1:05:01 Jason Winer And all the saints come home?

1:05:06 Adam They come marching in. And all the langsine.

1:05:11 Drew Yeah, it's like an old English word.

1:05:13 Adam Yeah. All right. Let's find out what old langsine means.

1:05:16 Drew Yeah, this is actually...

1:05:17 Adam Maybe old langsine. Maybe langsine is a guy's name. It's old. Oh, it's A-L-D?

1:05:23 Drew Yeah, it's like old English.

1:05:26 Adam Oh, but does old mean old?

1:05:27 Drew I think so.

1:05:29 Adam So, langsine means like the old langsine place, like it's a farm somewhere.

1:05:33 Caller Yeah.

1:05:34 Jason Winer Old man langsine.

1:05:35 Adam That's right. All right. Well, we've come to an answer. Matt?

1:05:39 Caller Yeah.

1:05:39 Adam You're 22. Yeah. What's up?

1:05:43 Caller My question is for Dr. Drew.

1:05:44 Drew Hang on one second, Matt. I think our age is finally getting to us because it seems to me, Adam, we had this discussion last New Year's Eve.

1:05:50 Adam Are you asking me?

1:05:51 Drew And I think we got a response and said, oh, okay, and here we are when you're later going. I really don't remember that. I think so.

1:05:59 Adam See, that's why you got to smoke pot because every day is a new day. It's fresh. I tell high school football stories. I swore I've never shared with anyone before. It's great.

1:06:08 Drew This seems very familiar to me.

1:06:09 Adam I don't know.

1:06:10 Drew In fact, I watched an episode of Loveline tonight that we filmed like about three weeks ago.

1:06:16 Adam Couldn't remember a thing. It probably means you're going to get paid for it either. Don't say anything. MTV finds out you don't get paid. You don't get paid for the ones you remember. All right. If anyone knows what old Leng Zine means, they should call us too. Matt?

1:06:30 Caller Yeah.

1:06:30 Adam Go ahead.

1:06:31 Drew I'm with you. What's up?

1:06:32 Caller Okay. My question is, whenever I get an erection, it gets so hard. There's so much pressure that it's painful.

1:06:39 Drew Every time?

1:06:41 Caller Well, if I have sex three times a day for a week and a half, then it subsides. But other than that, yeah.

1:06:51 Adam Has it always been this way?

1:06:52 Caller Since puberty. Wow.

1:06:54 Drew So you've been masturbating three times a day?

1:06:56 Caller Oh, yeah, at least. Wow.

1:07:00 Adam He's on a masturbatory maintenance program.

1:07:02 Jason Winer What if you're on a long flight or something, someplace where it's hard to get privacy?

1:07:06 Adam You've got to wait for the seatbelt light to go off before you can, like I do. Matt? Yeah. Do you have a girlfriend?

1:07:13 Caller Yeah.

1:07:14 Adam And so is your penis, have you ever had any erectile difficulties?

1:07:19 Caller Never.

1:07:20 Drew No curvature problems?

1:07:21 Caller Well, kind of. Whenever we're done having sex, I don't go soft. She has to leave the bed and be gone for like 20 minutes before I can get out of bed, before I'll just return to normal.

1:07:35 Drew And that's even if you're going three times a day?

1:07:38 Caller Yeah.

1:07:38 Adam She can't be, what do you mean, she has to be out of the room?

1:07:41 Drew A woman can't be in his presence.

1:07:42 Caller Yeah.

1:07:43 Adam And otherwise, the erection will never go down?

1:07:46 Caller Well, it will take a really long time.

1:07:48 Jason Winer This has got to be the horniest guy on the face of the earth.

1:07:52 Adam Yeah. I think so. Matt?

1:07:54 Caller Yeah.

1:07:55 Adam Do you think you're real horny as well as having a penis that's very functional that way?

1:08:01 Caller Extremely.

1:08:02 Drew You're not on like hormone supplements for athletics or anything? You've never been sexually abused. You're not a sexual compulsive, per se.

1:08:10 Caller Never.

1:08:11 Drew This is just your biology.

1:08:12 Adam All right. Well, don't worry. Matt, one day you won't be able to get an erection no matter what the cost.

1:08:18 Caller I was just wondering if there's something I could do to make it subside, because it is uncomfortable.

1:08:23 Drew Well, you need to... See...

1:08:25 Caller Like a medication or...

1:08:28 Drew Yeah. I mean, the serotonin reuptake inhibitors like Prozac, Zoloft will reduce some of that.

1:08:33 Adam Yeah. But they, you know, I don't know.

1:08:35 Drew Here is where women get very upset when men look at their sexuality as an excrement. I mean, he has an excrement. He needs to unburden a couple of times a day.

1:08:46 Adam As an excrement? I thought it meant poo.

1:08:49 Drew There's something that needs to come out of their body. I mean, women get very, that somehow men are being crass when they talk about them.

1:08:57 Adam When men look at semen as excrement, then the vagina becomes the toilet, basically. I mean, do the man.

1:09:03 Drew I understand. That's why they're upset.

1:09:04 Adam That's why I look at the women.

1:09:05 Drew But the fact is, for a certain amount...

1:09:06 Adam Look at them as a toilet with legs and a beehive.

1:09:08 Drew A certain amount of male sexual activity is about just unburdening the system. It has to be done.

1:09:13 Adam Yeah. There's a certain amount of sperm turnover that needs to take place with men. And unfortunately, that has then bled into many other aspects of life. That's why we have hair pieces and sports cars. That's why there's jewelry and expensive restaurants. That's why there's greeting cards. That's why the floral industry stays in business every year. It's all bled into a million different facets of life. It's why skyscrapers are more than two stories. It really, I think, is sort of a supercharged society. That one simple biological event, which is we have, our testicles are like some sort of sperm warehouse. We have a high overhead, and we have to keep the product moving through it. We cannot afford to let it sit there.

1:10:02 Drew And there's a whole psychological sort of focus that goes along with that.

1:10:07 Adam Well, it ends up permeating everything, and you don't even know what it is anymore.

1:10:10 Drew Right.

1:10:11 Adam I mean, it's an interesting concept, and I know we're not the first to come up with it, and I don't want to distill it down to its lowest common denominator, but basically men need to keep sperm moving through their urethra. I don't know if it's God or biology or both.

1:10:28 Drew And there's a tremendous drive built into making sure that happens.

1:10:32 Adam Right.

1:10:33 Drew It's not just like there's a buildup, like having that bowel movement or something. There's that and this drive that it has.

1:10:38 Jason Winer Entire religions have been devoted to the suppression of that drive.

1:10:42 Adam Right. It will always backfire, by the way. It's like, let's come up with a religion to stop you from inhaling.

1:10:49 Drew Yes, or urinating.

1:10:50 Adam It is not going to work for long. But then, all the things that then come from that are, you know, gymnasiums and Grecian formula for the hair and bell bottoms and, you know, calf implants and tweezers and alcohol. It's all sort of a, it all emanates from that one, what they would call in, like in the doctors, you would call like the first person to get aids would be patient zero or whatever zero. And it all just goes from there, like a big ugly tree. All right, let's keep going. Ben?

1:11:31 Yes.

1:11:31 Adam You're 14.

1:11:32 Caller Yes, I am.

1:11:33 Adam What's up?

1:11:33 Caller I've got the definition of langzine for you guys.

1:11:36 Adam Thank you.

1:11:37 Caller All right. Yes, it's an adverb and apparently it's Scottish, and it means long ago or long since. And then the noun version of it is time long past, actually.

1:11:48 Drew So there you go.

1:11:49 Jason Winer So it's actually a redundant phrase, old time long past.

1:11:53 Caller Yes, yes.

1:11:54 Adam Right.

1:11:54 Drew Old times from long ago.

1:11:56 Caller Yes. And Adam, I love The Man Show. I marked it down on my TV guide that I got today.

1:12:01 Adam That's what I like to hear.

1:12:02 Caller And actually, I saw you guys on an old sitcom today. It's called like Fired Up or something like that.

1:12:07 Drew Oh my God. That finally went to air?

1:12:09 Caller Yeah, you made a cameo on it. Yeah, I guess. And I saw it today.

1:12:12 Drew Wait a minute.

1:12:13 Adam They canceled that show before that show aired. It must have went to some kind of syndication or something.

1:12:20 Caller It's out on USA.

1:12:22 Drew Oh my God. How weird is that?

1:12:24 Adam That is weird.

1:12:26 Jason Winer You guys can expect a very small check.

1:12:29 Adam Yeah.

1:12:29 Drew No, no. Yeah.

1:12:30 Adam Yeah. I don't know. Sure.

1:12:32 Drew No, because not the second. It's the first airing of it, I think.

1:12:35 Adam Wait a minute.

1:12:35 Drew They never aired.

1:12:36 Adam Yes. In that episode, it was like a Loveline episode, right?

1:12:42 Caller Yes.

1:12:42 Drew And Diane Farr was in it.

1:12:45 Caller Diane, yeah, she was arguing with Lea Remini about her job.

1:12:51 Drew Yeah.

1:12:51 Adam Yeah, I think it's Lea Remini, by the way. But that's close enough. Yeah. Yeah, who's now in...

1:12:57 Caller I think it's King of Queens.

1:12:59 Adam King of Queens, right.

1:12:59 Jason Winer But way to be specific, Ben.

1:13:01 Adam Right. All right. Hey, Ben, thanks.

1:13:03 Drew Yeah.

1:13:03 Adam All right.

1:13:04 Drew How is that? What?

1:13:05 Adam It's an adverb, by the way.

1:13:06 Drew Adverb means something that modifies a verb.

1:13:08 Adam What's modified? Okay.

1:13:11 Jason Winer It's an L-Y word.

1:13:12 Adam Anytime I hear about verb, adverb, or noun, or whatever, I have to immediately go back to the schoolhouse rock commercials to try to get a bearing. That's how poor my education is. I literally, when people go, it's a verb, I go, I swear to God, I sit there and go, I do my thing in action. Verb, to run, to jump. Okay, verb. Yeah. I mean, that's how I do it. It's like when people go-

1:13:35 Drew You should see your face, your eyes are kind of rolled back, you start spinning though.

1:13:38 Adam If someone says, where is R in the alphabet? I go, I'll tell you. ABCDEFGHQR. Q, R. Yeah, after Q. Yeah. I mean, I have to run through the entire thing. Does everyone have to do that?

1:13:53 Drew No.

1:13:55 Jason Winer I have to do that with alphabetical order.

1:13:57 Adam Yeah. I'm a tar, but you know what an adverb is at least. All right. Listen, Drew, we got to look into this.

1:14:04 Drew Isn't that weird?

1:14:05 Adam Yeah, that is weird.

1:14:06 Drew It's a sitcom that was on the air last year. I think it was two years ago. It got canceled just as they filmed our episode. The next week it got canceled.

1:14:14 Adam Right.

1:14:15 Drew Now here it is airing somewhere else.

1:14:16 Adam But it wasn't on long enough to go to syndication. They didn't do 100 episodes.

1:14:21 Drew So they must have just bought it and replayed it, right?

1:14:23 Adam Yeah. Okay. I'm going to talk to you guys about something off the air. Which is. What? I just want to say and then we'll get to break. It's not that interesting. But I always had this theory and we talked about this on the air that once you got into the business, when you did something magically, you saw it. You got a tape. If there's an interview with you in some magazine, you would see the magazine. And whenever I watch TV, anytime before I was on TV, and I'd see a guy, as Charlton Heston would be sitting across from Johnny Carson and be talking about his new movie, and he'd say, Johnny, I've actually not seen the movie. And I'd always think, oh, come on. That's nonsense. Of course you've seen it. Of course you've seen the movie you're in. Of course you've seen the TV show.

1:15:10 Drew What's wrong with you that you haven't?

1:15:11 Adam The TV show. You know what, I thought it was so much sort of BS. Humility Hollywood style, but I now realize that after not only seeing anything that I've made, but being even alerted that we're on it, we've got to have some 14 year old listener call in and tell us we're on a show. We wouldn't have known, right?

1:15:27 Drew No, never.

1:15:28 Adam All right. Jason Winer is here from The Blame Game, also from the Muhammad Ali story, and we'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back after this.

1:15:38 Caller Yo, Loveline will be right back, homie.

1:16:13 Adam Nick, it's the Loveline. Jason Winer is our guest from The Blame Game. 5.30, Monday through Friday on MTV. Also, King of the World, which is the Muhammad Ali story. Monday night, ABC, 9 o'clock, coming up this Monday. All right, now, where the hell were we? Where are we going here, Drew?

1:16:33 Drew Three.

1:16:35 Adam Kiki?

1:16:36 Oh, hello?

1:16:37 Adam You're 14.

1:16:38 Caller That's right. Okay. Um, I have no sexual, um, drive. Like, I masturbate, like, I guess, out of habit. I don't know why. Every single day. And I get no pleasure out of it. Yeah. And then, like, my boyfriend, like, wants me to have sex, well, I'll have sex with him, but it, like, doesn't please me at all.

1:16:59 Drew How old is your boyfriend?

1:17:00 Caller Huh?

1:17:01 Drew How old is your boyfriend?

1:17:02 Caller 16.

1:17:03 Adam Mm-hmm. Is he the first guy you've been with sexually?

1:17:06 Caller No.

1:17:07 Adam Okay. Hold on. Yeah. I'm ready to do some gambling.

1:17:09 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:17:10 Adam Yeah. Jason, you got any money? Yeah.

1:17:13 Drew Just give it up. We'll all be the same page.

1:17:15 Adam What do you mean? Come on. Let's do some gambling. I got a new wallet for Christmas.

1:17:19 We gave it to you.

1:17:20 Adam Oh, you did? You gave it to me?

1:17:24 Drew I think so.

1:17:25 Adam No, I think you gave me some flowers. Really? Never made it home, by the way.

1:17:29 Jason Winer Just for these sorts of situations so that you could see a more attractive wallet pulled out when you take his money.

1:17:34 Drew I don't have a personal wallet, anyway.

1:17:37 Adam Drew, I'll believe you if you tell me you got me this. I can't remember who gave me this wallet.

1:17:41 Drew Me and I'll bet me.

1:17:42 Adam It's nice. It smells like leather and ass. It's a nice combo. Actually, this side, leather, this side, ass, leather, ass, leather. Hairy ass. You want to touch it? No, no.

1:17:55 Jason Winer I think, by the way, I have an ass that would rival yours in hair.

1:18:00 Adam Hair-wise?

1:18:00 Jason Winer Yeah.

1:18:01 Adam Wow.

1:18:01 Jason Winer Yeah, it's intense.

1:18:03 Adam Yeah, we've never...

1:18:04 Jason Winer Well, I don't think...

1:18:05 Drew No one's ever been challenged into this.

1:18:06 Jason Winer No one's ever admitted, I think.

1:18:08 Drew No, no. No one's ever been up to it.

1:18:09 Jason Winer Really?

1:18:10 Adam I've never been called out.

1:18:11 Drew Wow. I'm impressed.

1:18:13 Jason Winer I also have a tuft that protrudes from the top.

1:18:16 Drew Oh.

1:18:16 Caller Oh.

1:18:17 Adam He has a...

1:18:21 Drew Cowlick.

1:18:25 Adam Pompadour. Thank you. That's what I was trying to think of. All right. Let's do a little gambling on Kiki over here. She's 14. She masturbates chronically, although has no feeling. I'm going to go first. Sexual molestation.

1:18:40 Drew What age?

1:18:42 Adam She's 14 now? I say she was 15 and a half. I say it happens in the future. You can't argue with that.

1:18:49 Drew Go ahead. Take it.

1:18:50 Adam That's fine. How can you argue with that? You know what's going to happen.

1:18:53 Drew It looks like the price is right.

1:18:55 Adam I'm going with sexually molested. Do you want to go with age or by whom?

1:19:00 Caller Both.

1:19:01 Drew I was going to go with my next question.

1:19:04 Adam Five, stepdad.

1:19:07 Drew Stepdad five.

1:19:08 Adam Stepdad five.

1:19:10 Jason Winer I'm going to go with, can I do uncle slash neighbor? Are they the same category?

1:19:15 Drew No. Family and neighbor are different.

1:19:18 Jason Winer I'm going to go with neighbor then. And I will say a little bit older, nine, eight or nine.

1:19:27 Adam Eight or nine. Nice. Drew?

1:19:29 Drew Granddad, two to five.

1:19:30 Adam Wow. Very assertive. Go ahead, Kiki. Have you ever been sexually molested?

1:19:41 Caller Yeah.

1:19:42 Adam All right. Who did it and how old were you?

1:19:46 Caller When I was like two to five, my dad and his friends.

1:19:50 Drew Oh.

1:19:52 Caller When I was eight, I was raped by a gang. Oh my God. When I was nine to twelve by my cousins.

1:19:59 Adam Cousins.

1:20:00 Caller When I was 13 by my best friend's dad.

1:20:03 Drew Best friend's dad. The original damage is two to five and that's what sets the stage for him.

1:20:09 Adam Where is your-

1:20:10 Drew Future victimizations.

1:20:11 Adam Your biological dad now?

1:20:13 Caller Dead.

1:20:13 Adam Oh, he's dead?

1:20:14 Caller Yeah.

1:20:15 Adam That's nice. What happened?

1:20:17 Caller Heart attack.

1:20:18 Adam Oh, good.

1:20:19 Caller I know, huh?

1:20:20 Adam Yeah. I mean that. I couldn't be happier. I really couldn't. Yeah. I wish he had the heart attack before he got to you, but either way. This was your father and his friends?

1:20:35 Caller Yeah.

1:20:35 Drew Who were his friends?

1:20:37 Caller I don't know.

1:20:37 Caller A bunch of drunk guys.

1:20:38 Adam Other guys from the PTA. This was age two to five. Right.

1:20:44 Drew Just to be clear, did his father ever pitch in?

1:20:47 Caller Huh?

1:20:48 Adam His father?

1:20:49 Caller My granddad?

1:20:50 Adam Yeah.

1:20:51 Caller No, my grandpa left me.

1:20:52 Drew How about mom's dad? Because something created dad's just awfulness, and your mom's ability to marry an awful guy like that.

1:21:01 Caller Oh, well, I was adopted later, when I was six. So then my dad died and they never saw him again. Well, duh. But then my biological mom, I don't see her anymore.

1:21:16 Drew Did her parents or his parents ever get me act two?

1:21:19 Caller No.

1:21:20 Adam All right. Drew, do anything for Buck 50 out there.

1:21:22 Drew I'm just curious that she was there.

1:21:24 Adam She was just curious because that was actually-

1:21:26 Drew I was even- I was going to say the whole family got into her.

1:21:29 Caller My dad's dad used to hit me and stuff, but then-

1:21:31 Adam Oh, okay. I thought you loved him.

1:21:34 Caller Oh, no, not him. When I got adopted, my new grandpa.

1:21:37 Adam Okay. So your dad's dad was an evil guy.

1:21:41 Caller Sure, yeah.

1:21:41 Adam He smacked you.

1:21:43 Drew But he didn't sexually beat you.

1:21:44 Adam He didn't do anything physical.

1:21:46 Caller No.

1:21:46 Adam But dad did two to five.

1:21:48 Caller Yeah.

1:21:48 Adam And let's see, Jason went with uncle.

1:21:53 Jason Winer Neighbor.

1:21:54 Adam You want neighbor. Did you go uncle or neighbor?

1:21:55 Jason Winer I guess it qualifies the gang.

1:21:56 Adam Did you go?

1:21:57 Jason Winer I went neighbor.

1:21:58 Adam You went neighbor.

1:21:59 Caller My best friend's dad was my neighbor.

1:22:01 Adam All right. So there's a little neighbor in there, but that was later on in life. And then I had stepdad. Come on. No stepdad?

1:22:08 Caller My dad.

1:22:10 Adam Sorry, Kiki. Sorry. Anyway. All right. So you guys split that up. This is horrendous. And have you gotten some therapy, Kiki?

1:22:19 Caller Um, yeah.

1:22:21 Adam Yeah.

1:22:22 Caller Just recently.

1:22:23 Jason Winer So is it any wonder that you're not interested in sex now? I mean, that's good.

1:22:27 Adam Or that you have no feeling, or that you're interested in sex, but for the wrong reasons?

1:22:31 Drew Well, this is what creates sexual compulsion, this kind of history. And one, aside from being compulsive about our sexuality, another common symptom of the people with this history is they feel really disconnected from their whole pelvic region, like there's something, just they can't get connected to it. Yeah, they had to. You had that, I know. You have to have a disconnection in order to manage these awful feelings associated with the experience.

1:22:54 Adam Since he's the guest, I'm gonna give him two bucks. Yeah, give him two bucks, sure. All right, listen, sweet pea. You've had horrible things done to you. I blame your dad. I'm glad he's dead. If his grave were somewhere between the studio and my car, I would dance a quick jig before I got into my car on top of your dad's grave. And I'm sorry for what's happened with you and your life. Now, here's your job. Please do not go on an emotional autopilot, hooked up with bad, abusive guys, pregnant, the whole nine yards.

1:23:29 Caller Too late.

1:23:30 Adam Too late with what?

1:23:31 Drew You've had a kid?

1:23:32 Caller Oh, no.

1:23:33 Drew But the bad, abusive guy, of course.

1:23:34 Adam Of course. Yeah. Okay.

1:23:36 Caller I'm getting, like, therapy, but not for, like, sexual abuse.

1:23:40 Adam Well, get any kind of therapy you can get. If you're gonna have sex, what kind of protection are you using?

1:23:47 Caller Um, condoms.

1:23:48 Adam Oh, no, no, no, no, baby. You're gonna get pregnant.

1:23:51 Drew In the meantime, keep that morning after pill around.

1:23:52 Adam Do not get pregnant. Do you hear me, Kiki?

1:23:56 Caller I thought condoms were good.

1:23:58 Drew 85, in her hand, 60%. They can break.

1:24:01 Adam And you may forget to use them one night.

1:24:03 Drew Or he may trick you, or God knows what.

1:24:05 Adam And can you break up with this guy, Kiki?

1:24:08 Caller Yeah, I guess.

1:24:09 Adam All right, do that. I don't trust him. He's abusive, right?

1:24:11 Drew Yeah. He's 16, she's 14.

1:24:13 Adam Okay, just the reason I don't trust anyone you're attracted to, unless it's me. Are you attracted to me at all?

1:24:19 Caller Huh?

1:24:19 Adam You attracted to me?

1:24:20 Caller Yeah.

1:24:21 Adam Okay, well, I'm the only one who should date you. All right, but you're 14, so I'm going to give another 18 months. All right?

1:24:28 Caller So, like, what do I do? I keep, like, masturbating, and, like, it doesn't, like, please me at all.

1:24:33 Adam Listen, I don't know what you're going to do about that. Keep masturbating, stop having sex, break up with this guy. Kiki, get your grades up, don't get thrown out of school, don't get pregnant, just don't be a statistic, please?

1:24:45 Drew Please.

1:24:45 Adam All right, and keep with your therapy, you'll work it all out, okay?

1:24:49 Caller Okay.

1:24:49 Adam All right, I'm sorry for what happened to you.

1:24:51 Caller Thank you.

1:24:52 Caller All right.

1:24:53 Adam Oh, my God.

1:24:54 Drew I told you you didn't have to gamble on that one, that was a gimme.

1:24:57 Adam And by the way, you get raped by dad for a couple of years from 2 to 5. And it's never surprised that magically the neighbor gets you later on in life, magically the gang gets you magically, magically, magically, rape, rape, rape. I should write songs, shouldn't I?

1:25:15 Drew Yeah.

1:25:15 Adam Musicals? Yeah. Oh, magically, magically, magically, magically rape and rape and rape. Magical, magical, magical, magical, rape and rape and rape with the gang.

1:25:26 Jason Winer Send the protest letters now.

1:25:29 Adam Yeah, I should write children's songs. I would like to work raping to just one children's song. Just if I could sneak it in, you know? Then the dragon raped the magic mushroom. Just see if you could slide it in.

1:25:45 Jason Winer Play it backwards.

1:25:47 Adam Right.

1:25:48 Jason Winer You could do it backwards.

1:25:49 Drew There you go.

1:25:50 Adam Then he paired the magic mushroom. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. I'm so glad her dad is dead.

1:25:58 Drew Is that good? Aren't you glad? We sort of escaped our outrage. We could focus on her and not be just furious.

1:26:05 Adam Right. For those of you who listen to the show, who think that's a bad way to be, you can go kill yourself. You really can. I mean, a guy rapes his daughter from two to five, lets his buddies in on it, and the fact that he's dead, sure, he could have got a little therapy, sure, something bad must have happened to him, sure, we're all God's creatures, but you know, the fact that he's dead, good. That's a good thing.

1:26:34 Jason Winer Yeah.

1:26:34 Adam That is a good, good thing.

1:26:36 Jason Winer We can all do without him.

1:26:38 Adam That's right. Because listen to me, everybody, whenever you think about somebody that you have some compassion for, whether it's some murderer who's in prison or some father who raped his whatever, here's what you have to do, and here's the question you have to ask yourself. What would you want for him if it was your daughter? If it was you? If your daughter was the one whose house this guy broke into, raped and murdered. That's when you can make your decision over whether he should live or die or whatever, whatever justice is. Not when you're sitting up in your ivory tower. When it's happening, then you can make that decision. I know across the board those people wish this person was dead, and that's their prerogative. And I can't, I'm not going to try to change that feeling for them. That's the way I feel. I mean, how can you do that? You know what I mean? How can you protest some prison after, you know, in front of some prison that's going to execute some guy after the guy's killed nine, nine daughters and your daughter's off at college somewhere having it, doing a beer bong right now? Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, isn't that sort of the height of ego in a way?

1:27:44 Drew Hey, Thomas Jefferson felt that societies could not survive if they lose the ability to punish.

1:27:49 Adam That's right. I want to punish the innocent too. I say I don't stop with the guilty. I keep going. That's the difference. Everyone but me, Jason and maybe Drew will see how it goes. We'll be back.

1:28:01 Drew Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:28:04 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Forget about the phone number. We got enough of them calls. Jason Winer's our guest tonight. He's from The Blame Game, the MTV court show. It's a fun show. It's on 5.30 Monday through Friday, again on MTV, and also gonna be soon, soon seen coming up this week on Monday on the ABC Movie of the Week, King of the World. That is the Muhammad Ali story. Sorry.

1:29:02 Jason Winer And tonight, I'm on Loveline. Which is, like I was saying, it's just a huge deal for me. It's like, because I've been listening to this show forever, and I always said to myself, it's not Leno, it's not Letterman that you've made it when you're on. It's Loveline, and it's not even Loveline the TV show, because we did that a little while ago. It's this studio. But now, having arrived here. Now he's pissed. Yeah, now my illusions have been shattered. It's you guys stroll in here a minute before we do the show. I imagine a team of phone screeners. You know what I'm saying? The high tech, and it's not... A roomful. There's one person screening the calls. Adam's not wearing socks.

1:29:45 Adam No, you're lucky I'm wearing pants. Yeah, I usually wear slippers and pajama bottoms.

1:29:50 Jason Winer You flossed right up to the moment we went on air.

1:29:53 Adam Yeah, I started flossing.

1:29:54 Jason Winer Yeah.

1:29:55 Adam Yeah, I showed up. How far before the show did I show up?

1:29:59 Jason Winer 30 seconds?

1:30:00 Adam Three minutes.

1:30:00 Jason Winer Three minutes. Be fair.

1:30:01 Adam Yeah, let's be fair. Come on, I'm going to get into trouble. Yeah, could there be any shoddier operation in this place?

1:30:07 Jason Winer Could you guys try and give some sort of substance to my dream here?

1:30:11 Adam I know, the bloom is off the road for young Jason. But here's the deal, and this is why you kids got to stop screwing around with that internet. It's always a disappointment. Life is a disappointment. No matter what it is, it's always worse in person. Whenever you show up, it's a little bit disappointing. I mean, you know Drew, you know me, you know our voices. It's a little disappointment.

1:30:34 Jason Winer Yeah, it's a big disappointment.

1:30:36 Adam I mean, it's a big disappointment. I'm sorry. I don't want to lessen your experience. It is a big disappointment. It's a disappointment for me when I show up. I listened to the show for many years before I hosted it, and frankly, I'm still disappointed in what goes on in here. I thought life would be much different. I thought I'd be driving down the freeway and people would be honking and waving at me.

1:30:55 Drew Scott.

1:30:57 Adam Scott?

1:30:57 Yes.

1:30:58 Adam You're 24.

1:30:59 Caller What's going on?

1:31:00 Adam What's up?

1:31:01 Caller I got a little input on your all-fired-up TV show. It's on the USA Channel, Pacific Time, 10am, Monday through Friday, and it's always guaranteed to show at least the same episode twice in one week.

1:31:11 Adam Well, they must not.

1:31:12 Caller They don't have that many episodes.

1:31:14 Adam The show ran, and I don't know enough about TV or syndication, but I thought you could not syndicate a show unless you did a hundred episodes. But maybe there's a new junior syndication or something now that when you've accumulated 15, 18, 20 episodes, you can just rerun those.

1:31:32 Caller Well, the USA Channel usually shows a lot of the shows that didn't make it on our regular network.

1:31:37 Drew It's on in the morning?

1:31:39 Caller It's on at 10am Pacific Time on the USA Channel.

1:31:43 Adam Well, have you ever seen the episode that we're on?

1:31:46 Caller Actually, I did. I do have one question. Has Drew bitch slapped Hanton ever again?

1:31:51 Adam Wow, that was in the episode, right?

1:31:56 Caller Yeah, you bitch slapped one of them and it just kind of domino effected it or two.

1:32:00 Drew I can't remember.

1:32:02 Adam I can't remember the script better than we do, but I'll tell you one thing. Drew's not a bad actor, is he?

1:32:09 Caller Not at all.

1:32:10 Adam Okay, what about me?

1:32:12 Caller You were all right. I want to know how come you had more spot time than Drew did?

1:32:16 Adam Well, because A, I'm better looking and I'm younger. B, I'm a better actor.

1:32:22 Drew I didn't know you had more spot time. Oh, you had more lines. That's right.

1:32:24 Adam I did? I don't know. I was just going with him. All right, Scott.

1:32:27 Jason Winer C, his eyebrows almost meet.

1:32:28 Adam That's right. They would. I'm going to drive a golden follicle in the bridge of my nose in about a week. You want to be there for the ceremony, Scott? No. Okay. You guys have a good night. Thank you. Well, where's our damn checks? Shouldn't we be getting checks from that?

1:32:44 Caller Yeah.

1:32:45 Adam Okay. Listen, all I know is I'm going to line three. Emily?

1:32:50 Caller Hi.

1:32:50 Adam Hi. You're 19. What's up?

1:32:52 Caller First of all, I want to say I love the show. I listen to it every night because you make me laugh when you make fun of the callers so much.

1:32:57 Adam Thank you, you ego-tard.

1:33:01 Caller That's good, right?

1:33:02 Caller Yeah. I have a question to Dr. Drew mostly.

1:33:04 Drew Yes, ma'am.

1:33:06 Caller My boyfriend contracted a disease called molluscum contagiosum.

1:33:10 Drew Contagiosum, yeah.

1:33:10 Caller Contagiosum. He went to the dermatologist and they picked him out, I guess.

1:33:15 Drew They shelled him out, yeah.

1:33:17 Caller He got him back again. I want to know more information on this and how contagious it is.

1:33:21 Drew Is it just in the pelvic area?

1:33:23 Caller Yeah, but now it's climbing up to his stomach and they haven't gotten rid of them.

1:33:27 Adam They get these things out with like a melon ball.

1:33:29 Drew Yeah, they shell them out basically.

1:33:31 Jason Winer Could you explain what this is? Because the image I have right now is so horrible that whatever-

1:33:36 Drew You're thinking about clams or mussels or something, a molluscum.

1:33:39 Caller Yeah, it sounds like a oyster or something.

1:33:41 Drew Yeah, a molluscum contegiosum.

1:33:42 Jason Winer Seafood being removed with a melon ball or from the pelvic region.

1:33:46 Drew It's a viral illness. It's a sexually transmitted disease. Emily may have it and not know it. Maybe that's why he gets it back. They look like little zits except when you pick them, there's a little hard knot at the top that falls off and it heals real fast. They're not, it's not a big deal. It has no known consequences.

1:34:05 Adam What do you think you could, could you put some oxytan on it or something?

1:34:08 Drew No, no, no, you just shell them out. That's it.

1:34:10 Adam I could get them out though. You don't need to go to a doctor for that.

1:34:12 Drew Adam, this would be your moment.

1:34:15 Adam Yeah.

1:34:15 Drew Yeah, you would be in your glory.

1:34:16 Adam I really love doing surgery on myself.

1:34:18 Drew Yes, this would be great.

1:34:19 Adam I'll tell you, I lanced a boil that was on my ass once, Jason. It was glorious, man.

1:34:24 Drew I talked to him at the webcast.

1:34:26 Adam On my back with my legs akimbo in front of a full length mirror, shining, bouncing the beam of a flashlight off of the mirror and into my rectum so I could see what I was doing.

1:34:40 Jason Winer I can't compete with you there.

1:34:41 Drew On the webcast today.

1:34:42 Jason Winer I have no matching story.

1:34:43 Adam I know you talk a good ass pair story, but you can't compete with a carbuncle on the rectum. Thank you.

1:34:49 Drew I actually had one of the guys from the X show on the webcast. They're publicists.

1:34:53 Adam Oh, you traitor.

1:34:54 Drew Publicist was there, nice guy. Publicist was there, who brought him, was here the night I drained your hand.

1:35:01 Adam Oh, the publicist was?

1:35:02 Drew Yes. And she spoke in glorious detail about the visual of that night.

1:35:05 Adam That was a disaster.

1:35:07 Drew That will never, that will ring in her memory forever.

1:35:09 Adam Yeah, that didn't work at all.

1:35:10 Jason Winer Did you do that on the air?

1:35:12 Adam Yes. Have you been served with papers yet? Because my people are supposed to do that. I gotta get on there.

1:35:17 Drew How's your hand doing?

1:35:18 Adam My hand is good. I had surgery, what, four months ago?

1:35:21 Drew Wow, it looks good now.

1:35:22 Adam Thank you. Okay, now hold on. Let me say something. Doctors do a lot of serious prodding, physical prodding and emotional. But doctors think it's okay for them to grab stuff on you that's very tender, that other people wouldn't dare touch or, you know, if they, you know, people hit me in the elbow, they go, oh, I'm sorry. Drew will grab my hand and start in with the thumb, push, you know, he starts kneading it.

1:35:46 Drew Right, called palpating.

1:35:48 Adam So, okay, don't palpate on my palm, please. Easy, easy.

1:35:54 Drew That's good, that's great.

1:35:55 Adam It's good, it's a little, it's dead, though. It feels like it's a dead spot.

1:35:59 Drew Just right here or all the way across?

1:36:00 Adam Yes, no, it just, let's see, dead, right there.

1:36:04 Jason Winer Is that your masturbation hand?

1:36:06 Adam Yeah, it is. Thankfully, I only use my pinky.

1:36:08 Jason Winer Well, it would seem to me that a dead spot on your masturbation hand would be useful. You don't want to feel.

1:36:14 Adam It's like being with a new woman.

1:36:16 Jason Winer Exactly, exactly.

1:36:17 Adam Now, I just, here's how I do it. I don't have a large penis. I actually attach a small piece of Velcro to the end of my pinky. And then there's another piece that I've surgically glued on to the skin, on the shaft of my penis. And I just attach it and I go, dead. It's great. And I can do stuff with the rest of my hand.

1:36:33 Drew Sure.

1:36:34 Adam Work the remote.

1:36:35 Jason Winer Dial.

1:36:36 Adam Dial, play the fiddle, whatever it takes. All right, where the hell are we here, Drew?

1:36:41 Drew We're at a break.

1:36:42 Caller We are?

1:36:43 Adam All right. We'll be back.

1:36:45 Caller Loveline.

1:36:46 Jason Winer 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:36:48 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Hey, there we go. Mic's on. But it's not for long. All right, I want to thank Jason Winer for coming in. Real nice guy. And it's kind of like the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Except for the kid's pissed off. He's dying of cancer. He didn't get anything.

1:37:39 Drew Always in the spot, man.

1:37:40 Adam All right, The Blame Game. Monday through Friday, 5.30, MTV. And of course, King of the World, the Muhammad Ali story coming up this Monday on ABC, 9 o'clock.

1:37:51 Jason Winer Thanks for making a fantasy almost come true.

1:37:54 Adam Thank you. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:37:58 Caller Obsessed with anal sex.

1:38:01 Adam Ha ha. Well, now.

1:38:11 Caller Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold.

1:38:13 Caller Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Wednesday, January 5, 2000