Episode 1000754887515

1:47 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:55 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:58 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

2:00 Voiceover Loveline.

2:02 Drew Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, this is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. That was the phone number. Fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

2:17 Adam Are we on the air yet?

2:18 Drew I'm so goddamn tired. I'm tired down to my bones. I'm tired, and I just went out for a big steak dinner. There's nothing that... Since I was a kid, I used to... well, I didn't really eat at home, because mom wasn't what you call the galloping gourmet. She galloped in her room and smoked weed.

2:38 Adam She gave you weeds.

2:40 Drew Whenever I'd go to my grandparents' house, I'd strap on the feed bag, and I'd go right under the table, literally. Literally under the table. No, after I was done eating, boom, under the table.

2:53 Adam And go to sleep?

2:54 Drew Lie down on the carpet, go to bed. The good thing about the Corollas is there wasn't any hold your pinky out when you drink your tea or anything.

3:01 Adam You were bothered with things like beds and chairs.

3:04 Drew If a kid wanted to crash under the table, he'd crash under the table. But my grandma had this big furry carpet that was underneath the dining room table, and after I was done packing in enough goulash for a week, I'd slide around the table and go to bed. I'm 35, I eat, and I want to go to bed. That's how I am. So I just ate 35 bucks worth of steak, and I'm ready to do this show under the table, Drew. All right, so no guests tonight, although tomorrow night, Goo Goo Dolls and Save Ferris, and oh boy, next week, Sunday, Larry Flint versus the Jewish Devil, Rabbi Shmuley, Botach will be in here. Rabbi Shmuley has done the show twice. He's done the show like 10 times in as many weeks, really.

3:52 Adam Somebody likes him.

3:53 Drew He's been all over this show. Well, he's coming back for a third time because Larry is. Larry's people contacted me because Larry and Rabbi Shmuley are going to have themselves a little debate. I think it's Monday the 24th, the next day.

4:11 Where?

4:12 Drew It's like the Wilshire Theater or something. Somebody wanted me to moderate the event. You know me.

4:18 Adam Oh, yeah. You wouldn't do that.

4:20 Drew Here's what I hear, by the way. You start talking about events and new things. Work, work. No, no. Leave the house. Leave the house. Leave the house. And there's people that, hey, the University of San Diego, leave the house. That's all I hear. Yeah. That's all. Politically incorrect, would like to send you out to the prison in Arizona, leave the house. That's all I hear. So, I was, I've been out of the house so god damn much lately, that I sort of declined and it's all right because they wanted a, I guess somebody with some training, somebody was going to make an ass of themselves moderating these two anyway. But Rabbi Schmooley was pushing for me and I think Larry was too. But those two will be in here to go at it. And I think it's basically Judaism versus cannibalism. I think it's going to be the form. No, I think they're going to talk about morality and the internet and censorship and all that good kind of stuff. And Larry better take his vitamins because this Rabbi Schmooley, as we all know, Jews have the capacity to talk better than any other race in the world. These people were meant to talk, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, is as bad as they are at basketballs as good as they are talking. And Schmooley is, he's the auctioneer of Jews. And it's funny though, for people that doesn't that has a great capacity for talking, not many Jewish auctioneers. I don't know. Maybe their parents would be disappointed if that guy was moving livestock instead of removing gall bladders. But the point is, Schmooley can talk. And Larry, I think, could have talked at some point. But Larry takes a little while to... He's not a stupid man. And he's... He forms a good thought, but it takes a minute to spit it out.

6:22 Adam I thought the reason he was coming back is your busty subscription had gone out.

6:27 Drew Oh, I'm going to have to bring that up with Larry. Alright, so let's go to the phones here, Drew. By the way, count down, 13 hours, tell them at the dentist tomorrow. By the way, and one thing I don't appreciate about the dentist, always room. Always room for another over there. Whatever... I think it was... It's like World War II, like a Jew getting on the train to Dachau, you know, it's just... Always room. Always room for one more. I mean, I called them up... I called them up yesterday evening, and I was like a... You know, my tooth kind of... You're coming Wednesday, coming in the morning. I'm like, really? You sure? Shouldn't we be talking about next week sometime? We're already into this week. Nope, Wednesday morning. I'm like... You know what I mean? Stuff you want to do... That's two weeks away. Stuff you don't want to do, there's always room.

7:21 Adam By the way, I was reminded that it's a full moon tonight when I looked at the board, looked at all the bizarre questions we've got coming at us.

7:28 Drew All right, well, let's call... I'll tell you about the bizarre dream I had last night, too.

7:32 Adam Come on.

7:33 Drew Nothing too sexual, nothing too bizarre, but I've been getting horrible night's sleep, having all sorts of bizarre dreams. Last night's dream was I was doing... I had to do 17 days in a Jamaican prison, okay?

7:48 Adam And... They finally caught up with you.

7:50 Drew Somebody caught up with me, and I was gonna be doing 17 days in a Jamaican prison for some reason. I don't know what the hell I was doing in Jamaica. Whatever it was, I had to do... You know how dreams work. You don't question why you're in a Jamaican prison. It's just all of a sudden, you gotta do 17 days in a Jamaican prison. And then I started thinking to myself, all right, 17 days, fine. I'll sit in a cell, and I don't know where I was getting them, but I was grabbing scratch pads, because I thought I'm gonna get some pieces and quiet on and get some writing done. Because I can't write anywhere, because I have like ADD, but I get a lot of good work done on an airplane, but I haven't been on an airplane in a couple of months. And this Jamaican prison was my airplane. So I'm going to get in this Jamaican prison, and I'm literally grabbing legal pads from somebody's desk thinking, all right, 17 days, I'm gonna come out of here with a novel and three full length movies. And I sat down in this, they were gonna put me in the Jamaican prison, and they opened the slammer door, and then they said, you know what, you're not really dangerous. So I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna put you upstairs in the sort of friends and family section, because this is Jamaica and the family has to like take care of the prisoners, they feed them or whatever it is. So they walked me up some stairs, and all of a sudden I was in this sort of barracks type room with a bunch of sofas and beds and families and kids and stuff. Meaning my cot was right up against a, you know, a fat Jamaican woman's cot. And I thought to myself, oh Christ, now I'm not going to get anything done. I'm going to sit in here, it's chaos in here. I'm not going to get anything done. And then my next thought was, it's hot. I'm hot. I'm not going to get any sleep. I'm not going to get any writing done. It's chaotic and it's hot. And then thank God I woke up and began my prison-like existence.

9:36 Adam Do you get any masturbation about that?

9:37 Drew No, no, I don't do the morning one anymore. I don't schedule it.

9:42 Adam Oh my goodness.

9:43 Drew Yeah, I got it down. And I don't have three minutes to get two off. Josh?

9:49 Yeah, hello.

9:50 Drew You're 18. What's up?

9:51 Caller Yeah, well, I have a good mom and a girlfriend. She's named Rachel. And we've been going out for about three months. And we started having sex about two weeks ago. And every time we're in the middle, like in the middle, she'll just start farting.

10:02 Drew Yeah. Are you sure she's farting? It's not just air you're expelling from her using your penis as a plunger?

10:08 Caller No, no, it's farting. Like you could even smell it like after a while.

10:12 Drew All right.

10:13 Caller Pretty bad gas.

10:13 Drew Yeah.

10:14 Caller And I just ignore it because I think that's the right thing to do, but then it's just getting like constant. It just happens each time.

10:20 Adam How does she react to it?

10:21 Caller How does she react? She doesn't.

10:23 Adam She doesn't even notice, really?

10:25 Caller No.

10:25 Drew Why do you think she doesn't notice?

10:29 Caller She's probably enjoying herself, I hope. That's what I'm hoping, but I don't know.

10:33 Drew Listen, I can enjoy myself sexually, but if somebody walked into the room or a glass fell off the night table or whatever, I would notice it.

10:43 Adam That's really a big deal.

10:44 Drew No, it's not, but it's sort of that sitcom BS.

10:48 Caller If you're smelling it, you don't want to, you know?

10:50 Drew No, listen, Josh. Listen, listen. If she's farting and it's audible and you can smell it, she knows she's doing it. And it's, by the way, it's coming out of her ass.

11:01 Caller That's true.

11:02 Drew She knows it. So don't play the she doesn't know it card.

11:06 Caller Well, she's not acting like she knows it.

11:08 Drew Okay. Well, that I can then buy.

11:11 Caller Yeah.

11:11 Drew All right. So this happens every time.

11:13 Caller Every single time. And like not a time I like just one or two farts. It happens like a lot.

11:18 Drew All right. Ever you ever do a doggy?

11:20 Yeah, I do a doggy.

11:21 Drew Is she fart then too?

11:23 Caller No.

11:24 Drew No.

11:25 No.

11:25 Drew Why not?

11:27 Caller I figured because I'm mercy. I'm in her ass.

11:29 I just figured that.

11:30 Adam I don't know. You're in her ass.

11:32 Caller My dick. I figured there's no like fart.

11:34 Adam He doesn't know what he's talking about.

11:36 Drew Doggy style is your penis in her ass?

11:39 Caller Oh, I bet you said anal. My bad. I'm sorry. No, we don't anal. We don't do a doggy then.

11:44 Drew Okay. I see. Your penis is actually like a fleshy cork at that point. Drew, isn't it true though, if you were violating someone rectally and they did break wind, that the wind could force this way up to urethra and cause an aneurysm killing you in the lung?

12:00 Adam An aneurysm, yes.

12:02 Drew Is it an aneurysm is called?

12:03 Adam Yes, yes. An aneurysm.

12:05 Drew It's not an aneurysm.

12:06 Adam An aneurysm.

12:06 Drew Yeah, with an E?

12:07 Adam Yeah.

12:07 Drew Yeah, okay. Is that true?

12:09 Adam Oh, yeah.

12:10 Drew Okay.

12:10 Adam Or you could just explode.

12:12 Drew Your testes explode?

12:13 Adam No, your whole.

12:14 Drew Your head?

12:14 Adam Yeah.

12:15 Drew Yeah. Way to go.

12:16 Adam Joss is full of ass by the way.

12:18 Drew Yeah, I didn't believe a word of it.

12:19 Adam Not one word.

12:20 Drew By the way, more people die that way that I just explained the second hand smoke each year. Even though it's a novelty way. I'd love a list. I'd love a list of novelty deaths that outstrip, that outrank the second hand smoke. I bet you more people die just in.

12:37 Adam Here's where I would really fall into like car.

12:39 Drew Now, here's what I call metal compressions. Bird related deaths. Whatever that means to you. Just hitting the windshield of your airplane or flying in your mouth while you're riding a moped. Or attacks. I bet there's more bird related deaths than second hand smoke. Adrienne. What name is that?

12:56 Adrienne, yeah.

12:57 I called about three months ago. I had had some problems with excessive masturbating and such things. And since then, he told me to take a couple months off and everything like that. So I did that. And I've been with a guy for about three months now. And you know, I get into unhealthy relationships and everything. And I just want your advice.

13:17 Adam Is this one unhealthy?

13:19 I don't know. OK, he's 47 years old. He's an Arab. He puts a lot of effort into the relationship. You know, he fixes me delicious meals. He waits on me hand and foot.

13:29 Adam Not too much, because this is two months into the relationship, mind you.

13:32 Well, I mean, fast forward two more months.

13:37 You know, he doesn't listen that much, but that's a man thing. You know, I can understand that.

13:40 Drew Yeah.

13:42 But one thing that he does do is he always wants to have sex, and which the sex is fine. You know, there's no problem with that. Every day is fine with me. But sometimes he'll ask me about using like cucumbers or ice dildos, which we have used those. And it's okay with me. You know, I never really did it before. I haven't done it before.

14:03 Drew Ice dildo was my handle when I used to drive a truck, by the way.

14:07 Oh, really?

14:08 Adam Smoky bandit.

14:09 Drew Yeah, it was a rubber duck to ice dildo. Come in. What's your, you know, what's your 20? Where, how do you make those ice dildos?

14:22 Well, actually, me and another guy friend and I were talking. I think he's gay, but he won't admit it. And he had told me how to make it. And we were joking. And, you know, he made me one. And he's kind of strange. But anyway, you know, I kind of thought it was interesting. I made a couple on my own. And my boyfriend happened to find it in the freezer. Asked me to use it. It was really cold. But after the first couple of minutes, it's OK.

14:42 Drew I see. OK.

14:45 But then he just used it.

14:47 He just got to use it.

14:49 Drew Earth to Tard Girl. OK. Listen, there's that part where I said, how do you make an iced dildo? And then you explain to your friend that you might think is gay, told you to make it.

15:02 Well, you put I put it in water in a condom.

15:05 Drew Well, hold on a second. I never get past it. I never get past this with our callers. I never get past this sort of, it's this sort of basic stupidity. It's like if I said I was out in my garage making lemon bombs, and somebody said, how do you make a lemon bomb? And I then explained that my friend told me to do it. And then continued the conversation. There's not enough beer in the world for me to make that mistake. How does that happen so consistently with our callers? Do you know what I'm saying?

15:41 Adam Oh yeah, I know.

15:43 Drew It's really, it's like a Green Acres episode. No.

15:47 You can't do that.

15:48 Drew How do you make an ice dildo?

15:51 Okay, well you put some water in a condom. You tie up the condom. You tie a string on each end. You have to tie the one that's tied up with the one with the nipple on the end. And then you have to kind of level it off between, you know, the little.

16:04 Drew You tie a string at the end so you form a head?

16:07 No, just to hold it because it has to be elevated in between like the shelf of the freezer. You know, I can't touch the bottom of the freezer.

16:15 Adam Why?

16:16 Because it will get flat and uncomfortable and sharp and.

16:19 Drew Uh-huh. So you have to hold it. You have to suspend it. You have to suspend it. But what about where the string is tied around it? Doesn't that kind of make an indentation?

16:30 Adam Because it's not frozen when you do it. It's just in the rubber.

16:33 I tried to make a head out of it, but I couldn't figure it out. My friend, it was his idea. And I was like, oh, that's kind of neat. I did put it on the rack, though, and I did have the ribs. And that was my idea, so.

16:43 Drew Oh, okay.

16:44 But I mean, he's still, if we're done with that, he's still kind of excessive. He's persistent on wanting to use these different, the corn he's wanted to try.

16:53 Drew He wants to try corn anally. That's not right. Does he shuck it first? It's shucked corn, right?

17:02 No, it's just tied down really tight, so it's smooth, like scarfing your head at night, I guess.

17:07 Drew You mean, so the corn is not, the kernels are not exposed, it has the husk on it?

17:12 No, I wouldn't do it like that anyway, you know. It'd probably get kind of messy.

17:17 Drew Okay, hold on, let me make sure I got something straight here. The corn has the husk on it.

17:22 I'm not saying that I actually did that. He tried it, a full piece of corn, leaves on it, not so much the little silky stuff. I guess he already had it all done up when I had come over his house one night. So I really don't even know the details.

17:35 Adam Leaves on it?

17:36 Big corn.

17:38 Drew Okay, so it was not shucked, I mean it had the husk on it.

17:42 Yes.

17:43 Drew Yes, I see.

17:43 Adam But not the silky husk, I don't know if there was...

17:46 Drew How do you get that out? Without...

17:49 It was already in this little bag or whatever when I got there.

17:53 Drew Okay. So Drain, let me guess what you do. Tech support?

17:57 Adam For Microsoft.

17:58 Drew For Microsoft. You answer the phone?

18:01 No.

18:01 Drew No?

18:01 I do telemarketing, but it's not a very honest business. I don't like it.

18:05 Drew Okay, where are you calling from?

18:07 Indiana, Michigan City, Indiana.

18:09 Drew Yeah.

18:09 I'm from Chicago.

18:13 Drew Sounds beautiful.

18:14 Adam I've been all through that part.

18:15 Drew Sounds enchanting.

18:16 Well, there's a lake.

18:17 Drew All right. Listen, I don't trust this guy. I don't trust you, but I don't trust this guy. What's this guy's name just because it's going to be funny? What is it?

18:26 Adib, Zend-El, Abedin. I guess the Zend-El is like son of-

18:32 Adam Would you meet him?

18:33 Drew Abzib and Adrain are together?

18:35 That's who set up from another Arab guy. The last relationship I was in, I think I might have told you guys about that.

18:40 Drew All right.

18:41 Adam Listen.

18:41 I was with him for a year and then he set me up with another.

18:45 Drew Adrain. I want you to take some of that string you've been using to make dildo pops and tie your knees together. Oh, Jesus Christ. I got to get every joke stepped on on this show, does it?

18:57 Adam We've been doing good for a little while, though, for you.

18:59 Right?

19:01 Adam A little while. You're fine. But listen, we can't condemn this guy because of these weird behaviors. He's a nice guy to her. So far, he seems all right. Strangely, it's sort of her we're more distrustful of than him, although we're sort of weirded out by his persistent...

19:17 Drew He's 47. He's wanting to put an unshucked corn cob up her ass.

19:21 Adam But what's weird about it is that she's sort of, oh, well, huh, huh, huh.

19:25 Drew Hey. Stop it.

19:26 Adam Yes. Make him stop. What is he up to? What is this guy really all about? Figure that out. And if he's an okay guy, in fact, make him sort of fall in line here with what is and is not acceptable behavior to you.

19:35 Drew Who cares? We got to start writing some people off. Rachel, you're 17. What's that?

19:40 Caller Adam, are you married yet?

19:42 Drew No.

19:43 You're not? Okay, cool.

19:45 My question is, I heard you guys talk about how like when guys see pot, their breasts get bigger. Would that work for girls too?

19:52 Adam No, afraid not.

19:53 It doesn't.

19:54 Adam No.

19:54 Drew No.

19:55 What are the side effects of pot?

19:58 Adam Well, I mean, it depends on what you're doing.

20:00 Drew How much pot are you smoking?

20:02 Well, I'm not. I'm totally against drugs, but I was confused like if it's-

20:05 Drew All right. Well, if you're not smoking it, oh, forget it.

20:08 Adam There just was a new study that came out though that showed very low levels of pot exposure under the age of 17 does cause structural changes in the brain. I've got that. I think I have it in my car. I had to get it out if I had it.

20:17 Drew Yeah. Well, if you weren't high, maybe you would have brought it in with you. Michelle? Michelle? Hi.

20:22 How are you?

20:22 Drew You're 23. All right. Good. What's up?

20:25 Caller Well, I'm 23 and I'm dating a 19-year-old guy. Every time we make out and stuff, I never ever get turned on and it's really kind of a problem for me.

20:34 Adam Why are you dating him?

20:36 Guest Well, I don't know.

20:38 Adam Do you like him?

20:38 Caller I like him. Yeah, I like him. He's a nice guy.

20:40 Adam But is there a response telling you something about your feelings about him?

20:44 Drew Listen, any woman that says, yeah, yeah, oh no, I like him. He's a nice guy.

20:48 Caller No, I think yeah, it is telling me something about my feelings to him. But this is like a pattern with me. I've never.

20:55 Drew Listen, the proof is in the Poontang. If you ain't getting wet, forget it.

21:00 Adam But wait, now you said they've always been this way with all your partners?

21:03 Guest Yeah.

21:04 Adam So you've never been sexually aroused by a male?

21:06 Caller Right.

21:07 Adam Does the thought of, are you a virgin?

21:10 Guest Yeah.

21:11 Drew You are? What's up?

21:14 Caller What's up?

21:15 Drew You're religious?

21:16 Caller Yeah.

21:17 Drew We are.

21:20 Adam Super?

21:20 Drew Super religious?

21:22 Caller No, not super, but I mean, why have sex if I'm not getting turned on?

21:26 Drew Do your parents give you some guilt? Are they religious?

21:29 Caller Oh yeah, they're super religious.

21:31 Adam Are you on medication?

21:33 Caller Yeah, I'm on Prozac actually.

21:34 Adam There you go.

21:35 Caller The Prozac is totally-

21:36 Drew You need to get on some of that G's off.

21:39 Caller But I've only been on Prozac recently.

21:40 Drew No, I mean Jesus.

21:41 Caller And this has been happening for years.

21:42 Adam Yeah, but look, I promise you, how long have you been on Prozac for?

21:47 Caller Just a couple months.

21:48 Adam Well, you've got to talk to your doctor about this because the Prozac is going to make those kinds of problems worse. You cannot get turned on. For many people, it's very difficult to get turned on on Prozac.

21:57 Drew And if you're really uptight and you're picturing Jesus and your dad looking over your shoulder.

22:02 Adam And by the way, why is she on Prozac? And what's that all about? Is there something else bigger picture psychologically going on?

22:09 Drew Yeah. I mean, listen, I couldn't imagine being really freaked out from a religious standpoint because, you know, God's floating around up there. He sees, he sees what you're doing. I mean, if you believe he sees what you're doing and you're on your back, some sweaty guys on top of you, giving you what for, are putting an unshucked corn cob up your rear end. That's to be a little bit disturbing. You know, I mean, the notion, the notion of someone sort of keeping an eye on you while you're engaging in all your debauchery. It just sounds like a horrible way to go through life. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

22:45 Adam But a great way for your parents to exert their will.

22:48 Drew Yeah.

22:49 Adam I think I'm going to get into that with my kids.

22:51 Drew Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm going to do with my kid? I'm going to have my face put on a balloon. I'm going to tie it to his wrist. And for the first like ten years of his life, I'm going to have my head hanging four feet above my child's. So they just get you, after a while they won't even look up. They'll just see my, they'll know my head.

23:10 Adam They'll assume you're there.

23:11 Drew It's just hanging above them constantly. Yeah, that's good. All right, Drew, stop monkeying with the computer.

23:17 Adam I know, I'm going to, during the commercial break, sit in the relationship chat room at drdrew.com. If anybody have any questions, they can't get through.

23:23 Drew What about us? What happened to us?

23:24 Adam Then I'll close the computer down.

23:25 Drew What happened to us? What happened to us? What happened? I don't know you anymore, man.

23:31 Adam When you talk to me like that, man.

23:32 Drew How dare you?

23:33 Adam I just don't.

23:34 Drew How dare you? I know what you're saying, but it is true. When you open that computer.

23:38 Adam I said, how dare you at the airport the other day. I was on the cell phone talking to the hospital, and I go, I'm on the phone, and I go, hang on a second. I put the phone down to get through the metal detector thing, and the woman goes, I have to check your phone. I go, I'm on the phone. She gets on the phone and starts talking to the person. I went, how dare you?

23:59 Drew Oh, good. True.

24:01 Adam How dare you?

24:01 Drew You know you've arrived.

24:02 Adam How dare you?

24:03 Drew Hey, you know what I like about the cell phone that I find interesting psychologically? People understand it's a phone, but not quite. Meaning, I've had many cell phone conversations. I was at a gas station the other night pumping gas, talking on the cell phone, and a guy pulled up in the car next to me. Nice guy. He starts talking to me, though. It's sort of like you're talking into some sort of Star Trek transport communication device, or some sort of novelty gag thing or something. Now, this guy, I mean, I understand he was like, Hey, Adam, what's happening? Hey, pumping your own gas, keeping it real. You know, I was like, Hey, buddy, how's it going? And now I'm back in the conversation. Yeah, just some guys. Now he's coming back for round two, and then his girlfriend's getting involved. And it's happened to me repeatedly. And I realized when there's no cord, it ain't a phone. I mean, it's sort of a phone.

24:57 Adam It's so small and it's really not even barely, barely, barely possible. How could it work?

25:01 Drew And you're standing out in the middle of the street, or you're pumping gas. I mean, it's not like you're at home, you're not sitting down, you're not on the edge of your bed, you're not at a pay phone. I'm not saying that people don't understand the concept of cell phones. I'm saying when they see a guy on the street talking into a cell phone, it does not register as on the phone. He's 40 percent on the phone, but he ain't 100 percent on the phone.

25:27 Adam He couldn't be a private conversation if you're standing out in the gas. Standing out in the street.

25:30 Drew So I've held full conversations with people while I was on the phone, and it's not even acknowledgement. It's not like, are you on hold or who you're talking to or sorry for interrupting. Full blown conversation while on the phone.

25:44 Adam Yeah.

25:44 Drew That's always, and like an idiot, I always just carry on both conversations.

25:49 Adam There are people asking for, was there an Adam Shuffle?

25:52 Drew Was there?

25:53 Adam They want the Drew Shuffle and the Drew Boogie. There have been lots of requests for that all of a sudden.

25:57 Drew Anderson gave the only thing I'm going to move is my head and I'm going to shake it and say no. All right. I think there was an Adam Shuffle at some point, but because of the situation at Westwood too, we don't have it at our disposal. We're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Michelle. Michelle is 23, has a-

26:15 Adam No, no, no. We're going-

26:16 Drew What? Yeah. There you go. Do your job there, Drew. Angela. Angela is 14, wants to have lesbian sex but doesn't know how. Is it all oral? She wants to know? Well, not when you get the dildo pops, but we'll explain that to her after this. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Goo Goo Dolls in here tomorrow night. Also, I had a dream about the Goo Goo Dolls, because Drew said he saw them over at the Kids' Choice Awards. And then he made some comment about the Goo Goo Dolls. And I said, yeah, why shouldn't the Goo Goo Dolls play that? And he said, you know, a hard-edged band playing to a bunch of 8-year-olds. And I thought, yeah. And then I started thinking, Goo Goo Dolls, I'm trying to, I'm picturing the Goo Goo Dolls, and I'm picturing them playing a song. And I was thinking, anyway, went to bed that night. All of a sudden, they turned into some kind of cross between the Sex Pistols and the Plasmatics. And they were like kids with spiked hair, and they were smashing, and they had, they were yelling anarchy symbols written everywhere and stuff. Somehow I took whatever mild premise you'd floated earlier in the evening and just went wild with it in my dreams. Like I don't, and Drew, stop talking to me. That's what I want to say. Because I could have gladly just been, spent a little more time in a Jamaican prison and not had to go through the Goo Goo Dolls set at the Kids' Choice Awards. I'm a very busy man. You understand me, Drew?

28:30 Adam I understand.

28:31 Drew I don't have time for that kind of nonsense.

28:33 Adam Yes, Your Royal Highness. Thank you. But so I was in the chat room doing commercial breaks, and we got lots of requests for the Adam Shuffle, Drew Shuffle, Drew Boogie.

28:40 Drew Now, this was the Drew Boogie and the Drew Shuffle was a piece that engineer Mike put together. But the Adam Shuffle, the Adam Jammer, whatever we called it was something that was sent in by a listener and not quite as strong as the Drew Shuffle or Boogie, although I always thought engineer Mike was a little partial to his own work. Now that he's not here, we can talk about him freely. But let's have engineer Anderson play some of the new one that we haven't heard many a year. Here we go. I used to fight with my sister over penis all the time. She'd be playing with the penis and then set it down. I'd come up and pick up the penis and then she'd want it back.

29:19 Really?

29:20 Drew Oh, yes. I was 29 just a couple of years ago and I think about myself dating guys in the 10th grade. Your penis is like your greatest gift. It's like a trophy that you cherish and you're going to rub it in someone's poo.

29:36 Your penis is your trophy?

29:38 Drew Your penis is your trophy. Pow, there's a penis in my ass. I'd rather just put a hose in my ass. Pow, there's a trophy in my ass.

29:47 You've matured over the years.

29:48 Drew I do get loaded once in a while. It was in college and the guy was my roommate. We were really tight. He was gay and his mom died three weeks earlier. So I let him nail me. Isn't this amazing, Drew? I was starting to believe this story, too. I was at a party and the guy was a pretty good friend of mine and we got pretty loaded and we went to the back and it was just a blow job.

30:08 Adam Describe how that series of events came to pass.

30:10 Drew Well, it's like asking.

30:11 Adam He took his pants off. Well, I thought, Oh, this is interesting.

30:15 Drew I could show you what a penis can do. I could bring you to the heights of ecstasy. Oh my God. I get to poke someone in the butt. Start with my finger.

30:24 Adam But those toes are going to the butt.

30:26 Drew Hold on a second.

30:26 Adam No, no.

30:27 Drew Please, let me have a little fun.

30:29 Adam No, no.

30:30 Drew Oh yeah.

30:30 Pow.

30:32 Drew Oh, this is great.

30:33 You're putting something in your butt.

30:34 Drew That's all I know. What are you going to do, Drew?

30:37 Adam This man is a predator and a scamp.

30:40 Drew All I want is a crack to try to slip my penis through. Oh yeah. Okay. There you go. Stand back, everyone. I think he's ready to go.

30:49 Oh, Drew.

30:51 Drew Drew. Oh, like that's not going to haunt me. Wow. Wow.

30:57 Adam It's better than I remembered it.

30:58 Drew Yeah. Well, I like zeppelins. I was just kind of trying to focus on the zeppelin riffs there. Yeah, not bad. That was from one show, by the way.

31:08 Adam No doubt.

31:09 Drew Geez, what the penis and the ass references. That's it. No more of the penis and the ass references.

31:15 Adam It's going to be tough for you.

31:16 That was by Domingo Castillo of Chicago.

31:19 Drew Domingo Castillo.

31:20 Adam Let's hear Mike's version for me.

31:22 Shuffle or boogie?

31:23 Adam Boogie.

31:24 Drew Really? What's boogie the second one?

31:26 Adam Yeah.

31:27 Drew Yeah, let's hear the boogie. What the hell?

31:43 Adam Faggot better have sex with me. I want to have sex with me. I was born, so I had anal sex. Gee, it hurts. Still a virgin. Tried to be straight, or I thought I should be straight, and I was confused. Pardon me. P on this makes me sick, hurts when I urinate, makes me sick. Anosect makes me sick. This guy's penis makes me sick.

32:24 Drew Dr. Drew's right.

32:26 Adam That's when I was younger.

32:28 Drew Yeah. That's when you had a gleam of a little spark in your eye. Angela?

32:35 Guest Yeah. Yeah.

32:36 Drew Instead of now, you're just trying to load yourself up with enough life insurance so you can kick off and have your family set up. What's up there, Angela?

32:44 Guest Yeah. Well, I think I'm bisexual, and I've been going out with my girlfriend for about a year.

32:50 Drew Yeah. What happened to you when you were younger?

32:52 Guest Huh?

32:53 Drew What happened when you were younger?

32:54 Guest Okay. Well, she wants to have-

32:55 Adam No, no, no, no, no.

32:56 Drew What turned you bisexual?

32:59 Guest Well, I was just attracting to-

33:02 Adam No, no, no.

33:05 Drew Where's your dad?

33:06 Guest Huh?

33:07 Drew Where's your dad?

33:08 Guest In his room.

33:09 Drew In his room?

33:10 Guest Yeah.

33:12 Drew Is it padded, this room?

33:14 Guest No.

33:14 Drew No. Is this your biological dad?

33:17 Guest Yeah.

33:17 Drew He lives at home with you guys? Your mom's not divorced from him?

33:23 Guest Yeah. Actually, my mom and dad are divorced.

33:25 Adam Where's your mom?

33:27 Guest I have no clue. I think she's like somewhere in Chicago or something.

33:30 Adam What happened there? Is she a drug addict or?

33:34 Guest No. Actually, she cheated on my dad and she was like a total slut. So my dad just divorced her. She cheated on him and stuff like that.

33:43 Adam How did he end up with custody?

33:46 Guest Well, we went to like, we went to court and all that.

33:50 Adam Let's put it this way. It's not just because she cheated. Was she nuts? It's not just because she cheated. Did she have some real serious emotional problems?

34:00 Guest Not really.

34:02 Drew How come you haven't had any contact with her?

34:05 Guest Well, my dad just didn't really want us to have any contact with her at all.

34:09 Adam Did the courts forbid it?

34:11 Guest Huh?

34:11 Adam Did the courts forbid it?

34:14 Guest No. It's just that he doesn't really, he's not really comfortable with us.

34:17 Drew No, he's not. But what about her? Doesn't she want to see her kids?

34:21 Guest Well, I was like two when this happened.

34:24 Drew Okay. Doesn't she want to see her kids though?

34:27 Guest I don't know. I haven't talked to her. I've seen her for like 10 years.

34:30 Adam All right. Let me, for the record, either she's an addict or has some very, very severe emotional problems. Guaranteed.

34:38 Drew Okay.

34:38 Adam Then that's why the court set things up the way they've set up.

34:42 Drew All right. Well, okay. So anyway, Angela.

34:44 Adam And that's what Angela was subjected to when my mom was around. All right.

34:48 Drew So you grew up with no mom, right?

34:51 Guest Well, they only stood married for like, what, five years?

34:55 Drew Right, Jennifer? Just say no if the answer is no.

34:58 Adam By the way, Angela, that's the critical time, right? All right.

35:02 Drew But the point is, okay, so now you're bisexual. And what's up? You want to know what?

35:10 Guest Well, I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year, and she wants to have lesbian sex, and I don't really exactly know how to go about it, because I'm really-

35:18 Adam Is that what you want to do?

35:20 Drew Well, you're bisexual. You have to, by law.

35:22 Adam Is that what you want to do?

35:24 Guest Yeah, I want-

35:25 Adam You're ready to be sexually active at 14. You're ready to be sexually active at 14.

35:31 Guest Yeah.

35:32 Drew You are?

35:33 Guest Yeah.

35:34 Drew Well, are you sure? Why are you calling and asking us, then?

35:38 Guest No, what I'm trying to say is- What I'm trying to say is- I've been dating her for a year, and I don't exactly know how to go about it because-

35:48 Adam Look, if you don't know what it is that it is you want to do, don't do it.

35:53 Guest I have an experience.

35:54 Adam That's fine. But you don't even know what it is yet, so don't even bother.

35:57 Drew Hey, Angela, wait a minute. I thought you were bisexual. Sounds like you're a lesbian to me.

36:06 Adam Hello?

36:06 Drew Hey, Drew?

36:07 Adam Yeah?

36:08 Drew How about the Dodgers?

36:09 Adam Yeah.

36:10 Drew Pretty good start over.

36:10 Adam Wasn't it a radio show we were doing?

36:11 Drew They're over 500 now.

36:12 Adam They used their voice to express it.

36:14 Drew Shut up. You're getting meaner and I am.

36:16 Guest I'm on your show.

36:17 Drew Angela.

36:18 Guest Yeah?

36:18 Drew Listen, I thought you were bisexual.

36:22 Guest I am.

36:22 Drew But you said you've been with the same woman for a year now.

36:25 Guest Yeah, but I've been with the guy too.

36:27 Drew In that period?

36:28 Guest Yeah, I've been with the guy and the girl for about a year now.

36:31 Drew What did you do with the guy? What are you doing with the guy?

36:33 Guest Well, we talked about it with my girlfriend, and she has a guy on the side too, so we just talked about it and we decided to be together. I told my boyfriend.

36:46 Drew Angela, Angela, you're 14, you're a kid, stop it. Stop it. You're effing up your life, you screwball. I'm sorry for what your mom did to you. I really am.

36:56 Adam Your brain cannot recover from what you're getting into.

36:58 Drew Don't go down this path. Listen, I'm telling you, don't go down this path. Just slow down. Stop acting out. I'm sorry for what was done to you. I really am. But you're going to spend the rest of your goddamn life acting out. And you're going to screw it up. And you're right at the threshold now. So just slow down.

37:18 Adam Please.

37:18 Guest Okay.

37:19 Drew All right, Angela?

37:20 Guest All right.

37:20 Drew Just listen. Don't turn out like the rest of our callers. You're well on your way. Just slow down. That's it. Listen, everybody. Just don't act out on everything. Just don't.

37:32 Adam That's all right. I'm so flipped out when people defend against the idea that something awful happened in their first two, three, five years of life and it doesn't matter. That was just then. What if you took a puppy, you took it from its mother and you beat the crap out of it for about three, four weeks or even a couple of months, and then you treated it beautifully for thereafter.

37:56 Drew It doesn't matter.

37:57 Adam It doesn't matter.

37:58 Drew Doesn't matter.

37:59 Adam You have an vicious, distrusting beast on your hand from then on, no matter how nice you are. Or a cat. Those are the cats that run under the couch and never touch people again.

38:09 Drew Listen, we all know people who have gotten dogs from the pound where the dogs walk with the tail that goes up their ass. It's so far tucked into them. The dog walks sideways. The dog is skittish. My partner Jimmy Kimmel has one of these dogs. Emmy Award winner, Jimmy Kimmel. He has a dog. This piece of ass is nuts. I love it, though. I watch this dog. It's the only dog I don't have to let in the house. I put it out in the yard. It doesn't even know where it is. But the point is, Millie is a crazy dog. You know this dog's bad. Jimmy's got two kids, seven and eight, or eight and nine. Those kids, they hope that Millie gets ran over. It's like, here's my point, though. Millie probably had a couple of tough months, a couple of tough years with the first owner out in the street, whatever.

38:59 Adam That's it.

38:59 Drew The kids have been showering this thing with food and love and warmth for the last six years. It doesn't make a difference. A couple of bad months.

39:08 Adam At the right time?

39:08 Drew At the right time, you're aft for the rest of your existence. Well, the dog can't get therapy.

39:14 Adam Right. You can treat humans, thankfully. But without treatment, it's going to keep going. It's not going to get better.

39:21 Drew All right. We are going to take ourselves another break. When we come back, we'll speak to Kimberley. Having sex with a friend's stepdad and thinks the mom knows. Let's know what to do. Wait a minute. Kim?

39:33 Hello.

39:34 Drew You're having sex with your friend's stepdad?

39:37 Yeah.

39:37 Drew Why do you think the mom knows?

39:40 Well, I went over to her house to go visit my friends.

39:43 Drew All right. Hold on. Hold on a second. But you think mom knows, right?

39:48 Yeah.

39:49 Drew Okay. Hold on. Good enough. I didn't have 20 minutes for the part of it. No way. Because, believe me, on the way to the house, she was going to stop at the jack in the box, and we would have got that story in full order. We'll come back. We'll get to Kimberly who's getting down with stepdad after this.

40:07 We'll be right back with more Love Line.

40:45 Drew Yeah, that's right. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. I hate when the show interrupts our conversation, sir.

40:53 Adam Happens all the time like that, too.

40:54 Drew All right. Goo Goo Dolls in here tomorrow night. Very big band. And Save Ferris, some of the greatest kids currently working in the rock and roll scene. We're going to be in here.

41:06 Adam Yes. Is that a picture of a shark or something you've been doodling?

41:08 Drew Yeah, I was doodling a shark.

41:09 Adam A patient was telling me this morning about-

41:11 Drew I don't know if it was a shark or not, but I was kind of doodling a shark.

41:15 Adam The Ileon Gonzalez story out in the ocean, where the dolphin basically saved his life. You heard the story?

41:22 Drew No, I didn't hear that story.

41:24 Adam The patient was telling me this and I thought, oh my God, why didn't I hear this? The dolphin circled around him and kept the sharks away. And when he'd started to slip through the inner tube, because they'd push him back up into the tube.

41:35 Drew Is that one of your old Jew patients who was reading the Enquirer?

41:39 Adam I have not kept up on the story at all.

41:41 Drew I haven't either, but that sounds fairly ridiculous. And I have heard enough stories about it, and I've never heard that story.

41:47 Adam And then he got a dog, he wants to call the dog Dolphin, because the dolphin saved his life.

41:52 Drew Oh really? Yeah. All right. All right, well he's got to head back to Cuba soon, though, doesn't he? Oh, those crazy Cubans in Miami, everyone in the family is having a heart attack. It's great. They all, all his relatives, I don't think it's a mess. It's like put him back on the inner tube and send him. Let God decide where he goes. Oh, who cares? Everybody with this. Kimberly.

42:18 Yeah, hi.

42:19 Drew You're 19, what's up? So you're having sex with your best friends, best friend or just friends?

42:25 Caller Yeah, just a friend, but I've known her for a long time.

42:27 Drew Friend's stepdad, how old is his stepdad?

42:30 Caller He's 33.

42:31 Adam And you were en route over there.

42:34 Drew How long has this been going on?

42:36 Caller About three months.

42:38 Drew And how regular is it?

42:41 Caller Two, three times a week.

42:42 Drew I see. And now why do you think mom knows?

42:47 Caller Like I said, I went over to her house just to go visit or whatever. And she just got off work, her mom, and she was really, really cold. You know, like the cold shoulder, it was like 50 times worse than that. And I don't know.

43:05 Adam Does your friend know?

43:06 Caller No.

43:07 Adam Does anybody beside the husband know?

43:09 Caller I don't think so.

43:10 Drew And why do you think she would know?

43:12 Adam Or how would she know? Yeah.

43:14 Caller I don't know, maybe a neighbor saw me or...

43:17 Drew Have you had any sex with him since?

43:20 Caller Since when? Oh, since I went over there? Oh no, that was just like the other day, no.

43:25 Drew And have you spoken to him?

43:27 Caller About that, no.

43:28 Adam Do you think this might not be a good idea to stop this?

43:32 Caller Yeah.

43:33 Drew Okay, so you're going to stop now? You're not in love with him?

43:36 Caller No, he's just...

43:37 Eww.

43:39 Drew Yeah.

43:39 Adam He's an old guy.

43:40 Drew You're just letting him put his penis in you on a regular basis.

43:43 Caller Yeah, he's good at it.

43:45 Drew Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I overstepped my boundaries by asking you if you liked him. You're just having constant sex with him for the last three months.

43:53 Caller Okay.

43:53 Drew Yeah. All right, so Kimberly.

43:55 Caller Yeah.

43:55 Drew What's up with you?

43:56 Caller What do you mean?

43:57 Drew You gotta be a little bit nutty. You don't even like this guy.

44:00 Caller No, I like him. I like him a lot. I'm not in love with him.

44:04 Drew All right. All right. Who cares then? Have fun.

44:08 Adam No, no, stop. Just stop.

44:09 Drew See you in hell.

44:10 Caller Well, that's not why I called.

44:12 Adam All right.

44:12 Caller What do you want? Well, I think that her mom knows, so should I stop being friends with my friend?

44:19 Drew No, just take it slow. Don't go around there too much. Just start inviting her over to your house. Lay low. Yeah, lay low. You do that thing where she goes, hey, what do you say we take in a movie? And you go, yeah, come by here and get me about 7.30, and we'll take off, or I'll meet you over at the theater. I got some stuff to take care of. Yeah, just lay low. That's all. She's going to be more pissed off at the husband than she is at you, unless she's real white trash, in which case she'll go after you. There's a certain threshold where you go...

44:51 Adam Trash them.

44:52 Drew Trash them threshold, where you go, I mean, think about what a Jewish woman would do. Because there's no white trash Jewish women, let's say.

45:02 Adam She would take the genitalia and pickle them.

45:05 Drew Right.

45:05 Adam Yeah.

45:06 Drew Right. She kicked the ass out of the guy, right?

45:08 Adam Completely.

45:09 Drew The other girl, I mean, wouldn't really be a factor. She'd go right on after that. All right.

45:14 Adam She could take them on both, that matter of fact.

45:16 Drew Right. But the white trash chick, she would walk right past the guy and go after the chick.

45:22 Adam Yeah.

45:23 Drew I got to find one of these women. Daniel?

45:28 Hello.

45:29 Adam Oh, boy.

45:30 Drew All right.

45:30 Hello.

45:31 Drew Hold on a second. Too long a response time for me. Veronica?

45:36 Yeah.

45:37 Drew You're 20. What's up?

45:38 Well, I have a question for Dr. Drew. Yep. My sister, she has tuberculosis.

45:44 Adam You're 20?

45:45 Caller Yes.

45:46 Adam She's not 20.

45:47 Drew No.

45:48 Adam All right.

45:48 Go ahead.

45:49 I want to know if it's contagious.

45:51 Adam Profoundly, in some situations. Tell me, this is actually a serious issue. Why are you asking this? Why hasn't somebody told you this? Let's put it that way.

46:03 Well, I heard it was. I just want to know.

46:05 Adam Isn't her doctor checking the family members?

46:08 As far as I know, yeah.

46:10 Adam Have you been checked?

46:12 Yes, and I don't have it.

46:15 Adam All right, so what's your question?

46:16 Well, I want to know how I can get it, because I'm going to go down to visit her.

46:20 Adam Well, she's undoubtedly on treatment now.

46:23 Yes, yes.

46:23 Adam And once someone has been on adequate antibiotics, which are very sort of unusual combinations of antibiotics that you would never have heard of, if they're appropriately covering the tuberculous, the causative agent, she should be not contagious in about 72 hours. And not everyone with TB is contagious. You have to sort of be coughing, you have to create the right size droplets. But you can't know whether somebody is or is not. You have to assume they are.

46:48 Drew Hey, Veronica?

46:49 Adam Yes?

46:50 Drew No making out, just hand holding. All right? All right, I know it's going to be tough for you. All right, let's see. Daniel?

46:57 Adam Yes.

46:58 Drew Yeah, you're 15. I saw you on hold for 72 minutes, and now I'll have some mercy on you.

47:02 Adam Except we're going to pray.

47:03 Drew All right. What do you have? You want to know about Prozac?

47:06 Caller Yeah. See, I take Prozac, I take 60 milligrams a day, and I smoke a lot of weed, and it interferes with it. I mean, the Prozac doesn't seem to work when I'm on marijuana.

47:20 Drew Well, you got to smoke more weed. It's obvious. Goofball. You're 15. Why don't you just hit yourself on the head with a frying pan every morning before you wake up, so you have no brain at all? Really? Don't you want to get a job when you're older and stuff? Yeah. What do you want to do? You think you're going to join the pro-surfing circuit or something? Be some kind of snowboard champ? No. No. You'd be lucky if you make it into the military. Listen, you got to get off the weed.

47:51 Adam You got to tell your doctor you're smoking pot because that's going to change your treatment entirely. You are not an appropriate treatment for what the situation is for you.

47:58 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering if it was dangerous for my body.

48:02 Drew Yes. You got to tell your doctor, you got to check out an MA meeting, you got to stop smoking the weed, and you got to get out of denial.

48:08 Adam Just tell your doctor what it is you're doing so the caretaker can at least set up an appropriate These guys put their arms up people's ass for a living.

48:14 Drew They're not going to be offended. All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

48:18 Adam Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

48:21 Drew Well, it's worth hearing. We're gonna take a quick 10-second timeout, and we'll be back with more of the program in just 10 seconds.

49:18 Drew Uh-oh, maybe, maybe a lightning round tonight. All right, we'll do a lightning round tonight. You talked me into it. It'll be a good way to wake myself up. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Forget about the fax number. There's Dr. Drew over there. Board certified. Goo Goo Dolls in here tomorrow night. Don't know when we saw the Goo Goo Dolls last.

49:41 Adam About a year ago, wasn't it?

49:42 Drew Maybe more. Nice guys and speaking of nice, Save Ferris will be in here on Thursday and then Sunday night. Oh, Christ. Larry Flint and Rabbi Shmuley Botak are going to be in here debating one way or another. I may just slip out and go have myself out in the parking lot while those two imbeciles go at it about God knows what this time. But I spoke to Larry's wife.

50:13 Adam What?

50:14 Drew The other day at the office.

50:16 Adam Yeah, I'm trying to get him for a bit.

50:17 Drew No, I'm trying to use his magazine for something. And Larry's wife spoke to me about Larry opening a casino.

50:27 Adam That's what he's doing?

50:28 Drew Yeah.

50:28 Adam Oh, boy.

50:29 Drew He bought the old El Dorado casino, which is in Gardena, and he's turning it into a place called The Hustler. And gambling is legal in Gardena, but it has to be pan poker or Texas Hold'em or guy pan, guy pout, guy pan poker. Listen, if anyone from the government is listening, you want to know why no one listens to you? Because you have all these sort of retarded half-baked notions, and of course they're confusing, and of course nobody listens. Like, you want us to stop betting on football? Stop the lottery, you pussies. Stop it. You want us to stop using Internet betting? Stop the lottery. You think we're going to listen to you that something is bad or corrupt or evil or immoral when you're making money off it? And there's all these confusing guidelines. It's like you go down to Gardena, which is probably 10 minutes out of LA. You can gamble, but you can't gamble against the house. You have to gamble against someone next to you, and you can't play 21, but you can play Texas Hold'em. I mean, come on. What? I mean, at what point? Don't people have to laugh at a certain point? You can't play five card stud, but you can play pan poker. F is that. Please, no wonder anyway. Nobody listens. I mean, it's recocculous.

52:01 Adam Speaking of nobody listening, let's go on a call.

52:02 Drew All right. He bought the, what'd I say, the El Dorado. Leveled it to the ground. It's got its new place. That's all. You ever remember those local spots they used to run?

52:14 Adam El Dorado.

52:15 Drew The Poker and Keno Pan Society of Gardena welcomes you to Gardena. They used to run about 3.30 in the morning, KCOP Channel 13.

52:25 Adam You watched a lot of early morning Cable.

52:28 Drew Not Cable. This is Channel 5, Channel 13. I'm like 19. I just get home from cleaning carpet. I'm red eyed. I see. I've been breathing in the soil bust all night. I'm sitting there like a vegetable in front of the TV. The greatest commercial ever, Drew, then we're going to call. They'd be talking about the food. Then we'll go, welcome you to Gardena, the horseshoe, Italian food, exquisite, the El Dorado. You're on the French Riviera. I always thought, you know, I did a drywall job in Gardena. And I've never been to the French Riviera, but I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that it is not the French Riviera, Gardena. Nope, not the French Riviera.

53:11 Caller Amy.

53:13 Drew Amy.

53:14 Caller Yeah.

53:14 Drew You're 16. What's up?

53:16 Guest My boyfriend wants me to have lesbian sex with a girl that goes to our school. All right.

53:22 Adam Well, what do you want to do?

53:25 Guest I don't really want to do it. I'm not ready to do something like this.

53:28 Adam Why are you even considering it then?

53:30 Guest Huh?

53:30 Adam Why are you even bothering to consider it?

53:32 Drew You hear that little broken voice?

53:33 Adam Yeah.

53:34 Guest I'm not considering it. I'm thinking maybe when I'm older, I'll be more comfortable with it, but right now I'm not comfortable with it.

53:40 Adam Are you a lesbian?

53:41 Guest No.

53:42 Adam Then why would you be comfortable with it later?

53:44 Guest Because I might want to experience something like that later, just not right now. And I told him I'm not comfortable with it right now, but he wants me to do it like now.

53:51 Adam He is a world-class dick.

53:54 Drew Thank you, Drew. There you go. From Dr. Drew, right from the ass's mouth. Amy, you hear him? Call him a dick. Fine. Don't do it. Okay? Okay. And Amy, it's all right to talk once in a while too.

54:07 Adam By the way, how old is he? He's 16.

54:10 Drew Okay. Oh, man. What these guys want these days. And I feel the same way. I'm not into it now. I'm 35 years old, but I'll keep my options open. I'm 40, 45. I might like to experience a nice cornholing. And how is it that people like even like, you know, just sort of, they want to keep their options open. I don't want to be pigeonholed.

54:29 Adam I might want to explore.

54:30 Drew Yeah, I may want to explore. The idea of being with a man is physically repulsive to me right now. But this is me now. A couple of years. Who's to say?

54:39 Adam That discussion about the corn with the husk still on tonight.

54:41 Drew Oh, yeah. Right in the ass.

54:42 Adam Intriguing.

54:43 Drew I might like a nice salty wad right in my eye. That might feel good.

54:50 Adam People think about this and talk about it like, I want to watch a certain kind of movie or read a certain book.

54:57 Drew Yeah.

54:58 Adam I've got to explore that. I've got to look at world history a little bit later.

55:01 Drew People don't even talk that way about food. Yeah. You know what I mean?

55:03 Adam Right.

55:03 Drew You talk to a 16-year-old who doesn't like liver. He doesn't go, I don't like liver today.

55:08 Adam But I want to keep my options open.

55:09 Drew I'd like to keep my options. Yeah. No. No. You don't like it. Fine. You're 16. Just say you don't like it. It's all right. It's all right, everyone.

55:17 Adam What is that?

55:17 Drew God forbid you don't have a lesbian relationship before you die. You know what I'm saying?

55:24 Adam Well, not before you're 20.

55:26 Drew Suzanne?

55:27 Adam Because somebody else wants you to.

55:29 Drew You're 19. What's going on?

55:31 Caller My boyfriend and I had sex and he's uncircumcised and he's tearing and he's bleeding and he doesn't know what to do.

55:37 Adam He may need to be circumcised. Because what happens is that the...

55:42 Drew Stenosis.

55:43 Adam Yeah, the tearing causes a narrowing of the foreskin over the tip of the penis. It kind of brings it...

55:48 Caller It's happened three times.

55:49 Adam Yeah, and it tends to keep happening. You ought to have a urologist take a look at him.

55:53 Drew Can't he work it in a little?

55:55 Yeah.

55:55 Adam Yeah, there may be skin creams and things he could use.

55:57 Drew He could put a little cocoa butter on there and kind of stretch it out, keep it supple.

56:02 Okay.

56:03 Drew That prepuse of his, it's like a baseball, mate. You got to oil it up, you got to work it in a little bit. You got to work it out. Put a belt on it, put a ball in it and have dad park the van on it overnight. The El Dorado. You're on the French Riviera.

56:18 Adam The horseshoe. Exquisite Italian cuisine.

56:20 Drew The horseshoe. Italian cuisine. Exquisite. Mark? Yeah. I'd always jump, too. I'd be like 4'3. What the hell? Mark, you're 23.

56:30 Caller Yeah, what's up?

56:31 Drew What's going on?

56:33 Caller My girlfriend, she's 32, 23, and my family's just flipping out over it. We've been seeing each other about six months, and I haven't talked to my mom in the past three weeks. It just had a big... It just flipped out over the fact that I'm still seeing this girl that's so much older than me. She's... I'm Jewish. She's not...

56:51 Drew That was my next question. I was like, what's the big... And then I started thinking, he must be Jewish.

56:55 Caller Jewish, yeah. Uh-huh.

56:56 Drew Yeah. I bring home a 700-pound black lesbian biker chick with a... Sumo wrestler... .penis coming out of her forehead. My family would be like, sit on down. And now, you know what my family would be like? My family would be like, after a couple glasses of wine, and I went to the bathroom, and they'd be like, what are you seeing, Adam?

57:15 Caller Well, see, the situation is that she and my sister used to work together, and when I first started seeing her, it was like, my sister said, you can go ahead and see him, but don't hurt him too bad. Well, it turned into something serious.

57:27 Drew Good, fine, fine. You're 23. You're a man. No problem. Listen, women live like seven, eight, nine years longer than men anyway. Now, she's nine years older than you, right? You guys will kick off on the same night.

57:45 Adam You really like her?

57:46 Caller Yeah, I do. I really care about her.

57:47 Drew All right.

57:47 Adam So what the hell?

57:48 Drew Go ahead. You have her blessing.

57:50 Caller The question I have, though, for you is, do I play the game my mom's playing? She's written me off. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore. So I do. I say, screw your mom.

57:58 Drew Your mom has done this?

57:59 Caller Yeah. She's flipped out about it.

58:01 Drew She's bluffing.

58:03 Caller Do I play the game for the next, until next Christmas?

58:07 Drew Christmas. Hanukkah. How old is your mom?

58:12 Caller She's 56, 57.

58:14 Drew And how old's your dad?

58:17 Caller My mom's stepdad passed away, so my mom's single.

58:21 Drew I see.

58:21 Adam All right. You, I think you rise above it. Just let her rail and go on. Just carry on. Just go ahead and maintain the relationship with her. Be cordial, but do not listen to, you know, she is taking a step down in terms of the kind of relationship you can have with her.

58:42 Drew Your son's in love. Why you ride him? You know what I mean?

58:46 Adam But yeah, be cordial. Do not get into the game, so to speak.

58:49 Drew Gina?

58:50 Caller Yeah.

58:50 Drew You're 21. What's up?

58:52 Caller Okay. My roommate and I have this situation where my other roommate masturbates when we're going to bed.

58:59 Adam Female?

59:00 Caller Well, yeah, like full on masturbating. And it's a girl.

59:03 Drew It's a female, right?

59:04 Caller Yes, she's a female. And like my roommate and I, we like cough, get up, go to the bathroom, like show that we're awake. And she keeps doing it. So we don't know if she's like asleep or if she's just doing it and she's getting off on the fact that we're like up and we know she's doing it.

59:21 Drew How do you know that she's doing it?

59:23 Caller You know what it sounds like, you know?

59:25 Drew I don't know what orgasm sounds like.

59:27 Caller Well, like last night was the worst. Like she was full on moaning and like getting off, you know?

59:34 Adam Well, let's talk to Adam for a second here. What? Adam, you know, your nocturnal habits.

59:39 Caller Yeah.

59:40 Adam No, no, hang on. I'm talking about Adam and his nocturnal habits. If you had roommates, lived in close proximity, could they stop those habits from?

59:49 Drew No.

59:49 Adam Okay.

59:50 Drew Now let's say a SWAT team couldn't get me away from my penis.

59:52 Adam So let's say it's just impossible, you can't get time by yourself, it's nighttime, you know they're away, they're walking around.

1:00:00 Drew I go covert.

1:00:02 Adam But you go ahead anyway.

1:00:03 Drew I go ahead, but I do it in a discreet way. It would bother me to know that other people were bothered or aware of it. It would distract me.

1:00:12 Caller Yeah, if she was quiet about it, like if we didn't hear it, I wouldn't care because I like to sleep with headphones on. But if you could hear it through headphones and music, that's not cool.

1:00:21 Drew You really sleep with headphones on?

1:00:23 Caller Yeah.

1:00:24 Drew Wow. What do you listen to?

1:00:25 Caller I actually listen to the local radio station. Just to go to sleep too.

1:00:29 Adam French tapes.

1:00:29 Drew Really?

1:00:30 Adam Let's do fromage.

1:00:33 Drew You really do listen to a radio. I mean, they're breaking in with all those DJs, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:00:40 Caller No, our radio station is too cheap. They don't have DJs after like 12 o'clock at night.

1:00:44 Drew Oh, and then what about, are you talking about the station that we're on?

1:00:47 Caller Yeah, it's KJEE.

1:00:49 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:00:50 Santa Barbara.

1:00:51 Adam Yeah.

1:00:51 Drew I love that.

1:00:52 Adam You're at UC Santa Barbara?

1:00:54 Caller Yeah.

1:00:54 Adam All bets are off.

1:00:55 Caller I'm not at UC. I'm at the city college.

1:00:57 Yeah.

1:00:58 Adam Yeah.

1:00:59 Drew Yeah. All right, Gina. Now, let me ask you, does this girl, do you share a room with her or she have a room?

1:01:04 Caller Unfortunately, yes.

1:01:05 Drew You share a room and what about your other roommate?

1:01:07 Caller She shares. We're all in one bedroom. I have a sheet dividing my section of the room, so I don't even have to look over there.

1:01:13 Adam It happened one night?

1:01:15 Caller Yeah.

1:01:15 Drew No sheet. That's what I'm talking about. No sheet, Sherlock. That's what I say.

1:01:20 Caller Oh.

1:01:20 Drew Hey, Gina.

1:01:21 Caller Yeah.

1:01:22 Drew Don't worry about it, Anderson.

1:01:23 Caller But it's so gross.

1:01:24 Drew Okay. Okay. Listen, you're going to have to, you and your roommate are going to say something.

1:01:28 Adam You have to sit her down.

1:01:29 Drew Sit her down. Is she attractive? No. Okay. You just ruined it for me. I've got to get off the air now. I was going to masturbate to her masturbating, but forget it now. Hey, I was just, listen, you got to sit her down. Maybe you guys are in the same room.

1:01:46 Adam Yeah. It's just boundary issues.

1:01:50 Drew Don't say masturbation. Just say, we notice you, you're restless, you're making a lot of noise.

1:01:54 I can't say it.

1:01:55 Drew It's disturbing to us. What's up with that? Anderson tells me he found another Adam Jam. Which one is this one, Anderson?

1:02:05 This one is Chris Nelson.

1:02:07 Drew Oh, yes.

1:02:07 Adam This is the one I remember, I think.

1:02:09 Drew It is?

1:02:09 Adam Yeah.

1:02:09 Well, I don't know, there's like nine of them, but I found a good one.

1:02:12 Drew All right. Well, let's give it a listen.

1:02:17 Actually, go ahead. I don't have a cue.

1:02:18 Drew Oh, okay. What should we talk about?

1:02:21 Adam A call.

1:02:22 Drew Okay. Want to take another call? There we go. Oh, by the way, count down the dentistry, 11 and a half hours.

1:02:28 Adam Oh, what do you have them done?

1:02:30 Drew Oh, I got fillings. I mean, I got them coming. I got cavities. I can see them. And by the way, I've never flossed in my entire life. Never, never. Because I looked at that floss as my, that's my trump card. I was going to pull that thing out when I really needed it, you know? And my dentist has been begging. You know, my dentist and the dental hygienist, they come and they beg you to floss. And again, they explain to you how long it takes and what it means and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I have flossed fairly religiously for the first time in my 35 years, for the first time in my life, starting six months ago, I floss religiously. My teeth are in worse condition than they've ever been in.

1:03:13 Adam Yeah, but your gums are great. It's for your gums and your teeth.

1:03:16 Drew All righty, but Jesus Christ, I mean, I got more cavities because of the goddamn flossing. They've been begging me to do this for years, begging.

1:03:25 Adam And by the way, he's not going to do fillings on it. He's going to...

1:03:28 Drew What?

1:03:28 Adam He's going to cap the crown and the inlay of and all that stuff.

1:03:32 Drew No, no, no, he's not. He better fill that bastard. I'm sure he has that new laser drill out now, though. I mean, it has been out for many years now. It's certainly to exist. I'll have to get that one. Don't tell me he's going to use the old fashioned one with the bit, with the carbide bit in it. No. The one they've been using since the 40s? No. I know there's new technology. I'll give you a full report tomorrow night, but I'm sure some kind of pulse laser that they'll be using. Wouldn't you think, Drew?

1:03:57 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:03:58 Drew Yeah. All right. Let's listen to the Adam Jam, which Anderson has now queued up. I put my hand down driving Dr. Drew's pants. The hands were flying all over the place. You're gay. Did you know that? Well, I'll give you a hand job. I don't have a dollar. Speaking of fantasies, Drew, I'm picturing you in nothing but your underwear right now. Yeah, I'm getting roused. You're a rugged guy. Can I give you a blow job? Hey, Drew, you've got to put an avocado in my ass.

1:04:29 Adam Stuff like this makes me sick.

1:04:31 Caller It sucks.

1:04:34 Drew I care about me turning gay, which I'm going to talk about later in the show, and I care about my own masturbatory habit. I think I could masturbate with the retarded kids. I've got a little carried away and damaged my penis. I molested a youngster on a couple of occasions. Here's what my shrink told me.

1:04:51 Adam Yeah, I think your behavior is beyond sick. How about we just have some kind of a feedback mechanism where any, like, sexual rouses would create, like, this intense electric shock.

1:05:00 Drew That's Dr. Cote for baguette better.

1:05:02 Adam Run.

1:05:03 Drew My shrink beat me with my own genitalia.

1:05:05 Every now and then, I'm a virgin.

1:05:08 Drew Wow. I don't remember ever hearing that one. You ever hear that one, Drew?

1:05:11 Adam I don't remember hearing that group of them. Yeah, because I remember that they had interesting drops, but didn't relate to the music in any way. No.

1:05:19 Drew Well, that's what techno is. You just get high and you want to play it, and you don't have to worry about relating. Shane?

1:05:26 How are you doing?

1:05:27 Drew Shane, you're 23. What's up?

1:05:29 Caller I've got a question for you. Actually, first I want to say I'm sorry for all these calls you've had doing Dirt Tonight. Hopefully, I can redeem most of us.

1:05:34 Drew I think you will.

1:05:36 Caller I hope so. I get a kick out of listening to you guys on the way home at night. I've got a question about my daughter. She's not mine biologically. She's seven years old. I've been with her mother now. We've been married for two years in February. She's been having night terrors really bad come the middle of the night, usually about two or three hours after I put her to bed. I've heard that it's bad to wake them up in the middle of their screaming or when they're walking around, that sort of thing. I want to know how damaging can that be?

1:06:09 Adam Where did you hear that?

1:06:11 Caller Here, say.

1:06:13 Adam I don't know that that's necessarily been documented. In fact, I don't think you can spend a lot of time and energy waking them up. They're difficult to orient and, again, depends what the cause of these night terrors are.

1:06:24 Drew How could it be bad? I mean, if you think the boogeyman is chasing you through the dark forest and somebody wakes you up and tells you, don't worry, you're in your bed. Listen, when I was in that Jamaican prison last night, I said, hey, Shane, you want to sleep over?

1:06:40 Caller I'd rather not.

1:06:42 Drew All right. I'd like you to come by the house and just wake me up next time you think I'm in prison.

1:06:46 Caller Well, it's a healthy drive down there, but.

1:06:49 Drew Well, the point is, listen, I'm no child psychologist, but I am a self-proclaimed genius and demigod. I can say that if a kid is, anytime I've had a horrible nightmare to the point where I'm rolling around and screaming, I wish someone would wake me up. I don't want them to dump a bucket of ice water on me, but waking me up and orienting me would be nice.

1:07:10 Adam Yeah, but I think the important thing is calming them down.

1:07:13 Drew What do you think is causing this, Shane?

1:07:15 Caller I don't know. She's had a really bad childhood before I came into the picture. With what? It's been her and her mom ever since she was a little older than one. Her father is in Tennessee. He's a screwball. He should probably be calling the show.

1:07:32 Adam He probably has.

1:07:36 Caller So my wife was required to walk to the store barefoot in the snow to get hot dog buns to eat for dinner, things like that. He wouldn't provide. He's a druggy. So she didn't start off well.

1:07:49 Drew Maybe he just wanted her to have one of those stories to tell the kid. I used to have to walk to the store barefoot in the snow to get hot dog buns for your alcoholic husband. So don't tell me about hard times. All right. But Shane, what's up with your old lady that she's marrying this guy or having a kid with him and then going to the hunt, going to the goddamn store barefoot in the snow? She couldn't put shoes on?

1:08:12 Caller Well, she was single and desperate. We haven't got into that area a whole lot.

1:08:18 Drew Be careful, buddy.

1:08:20 Caller But we've been together for two years.

1:08:22 Drew Shane, you sound like a decent guy. This child may require a little bit of work, though.

1:08:29 Caller You are right.

1:08:30 Drew If this is what she's got for dad, and mom doesn't sound like a great candidate for mom either, which is as an adult, I'm walking in the store barefoot in the snow, that doesn't even make sense to me. Is that even possible?

1:08:43 Adam Yeah.

1:08:46 Drew How does it work? You say, get me some hot dog buns, you go, okay, let me put my slippers on, and the person yells, no, you'll go barefoot, and you go, what can you do?

1:08:53 Adam Why is she hanging out with a major league drug addict too?

1:08:57 Drew All right. Shane, just keep your eyes open, buddy.

1:09:02 Adam Exactly.

1:09:04 Drew You're going to have your work cut out for you in the next couple of years.

1:09:06 Adam But he's in. He needs to do the work.

1:09:08 Drew We need more Shanes out there, and less Drews. Christopher.

1:09:12 Yes.

1:09:13 Drew You're 23, what's up?

1:09:14 Caller How are you guys doing?

1:09:15 Drew I'm tired.

1:09:16 Caller Yeah, me too. I've been having a relationship now with a girl for about two months, and I've been having, we have sex about once every two days, and the sex gets pretty rough, hardcore, doggy style, everything. I've been breaking my condoms like crazy. I want to know, like, you know, I have trouble sleeping at night once in a while knowing that I'm having sex with her, being unprotected.

1:09:39 Adam Do you roll the tip down? Do you cradle the reservoir on the tip?

1:09:42 Caller Yeah, you know, I always read those instructions. I have it in my mind when I'm putting the condom on, but for some reason, especially like in doggy style, you know, I will, for instance, last night I had sex with her, and my condom broke, I didn't feel it. Sometimes I feel it and I'll just...

1:09:57 Adam Did he answer my question yet?

1:09:58 Drew He said he reads the instructions.

1:10:00 Adam He didn't say whether he rolls it down or not. Do you roll it down?

1:10:03 Caller Well, I roll it down to the point, yeah. I mean, not all the way down so it's so tight, but to the point where I can see a little tip on the top.

1:10:09 Adam No, no, no, no, no, no. You're supposed to roll some down to create a reservoir at the tip. You don't slip it tightly over the tip of the penis.

1:10:17 Caller Okay.

1:10:17 Adam You gotta create some space up there.

1:10:20 Drew I thought you were reading the instructions, Christopher.

1:10:23 Caller I thought I was, too.

1:10:24 Drew All right. Well, you know what he's saying? Like, unfold a little of it. Give yourself a little slack before you slide it on.

1:10:29 Caller Okay. That's one question. Then the second question, dealing with the same situation is...

1:10:34 Drew Tell her to take a retainer out and maybe tearing it.

1:10:36 Adam Then get the morning after pill and keep it on hand there. As soon as one breaks, start her right up on it.

1:10:41 Caller Okay. She's on the pill at all times, too. I don't know. Because we're practicing safe sex and plus she says it's good for her skin or whatever. She's on the pill at all times, but do I have to? Sometimes I have trouble sleeping at night knowing that.

1:10:57 Drew Listen, you have trouble sleeping at night because you're uptight, not because of the condom, bro.

1:11:02 Adam Right.

1:11:02 Caller Well, I know that I might have ejaculated a little bit.

1:11:05 Adam She's on the pill.

1:11:06 Drew She's on the pill, screwball.

1:11:08 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:11:08 Adam That is the safest method of contraception there is.

1:11:11 Caller Okay.

1:11:12 Drew Hey, Christopher.

1:11:14 Caller Is there any stronger condoms you recommend, like Magnum style or something?

1:11:18 Drew You use a truck inner tube. Listen, she's on the pill.

1:11:21 Caller Okay.

1:11:22 Drew All right. Get some nice new condoms and unroll it a little, unfurl it a little like Drew explained, and slide it on. Then if it breaks, who cares? If you're having trouble sleeping, that's your own ass. Different problem. Yeah. All right. We're going to take a little break. We got another condom broke story here?

1:11:39 Adam Sure.

1:11:40 Drew Yeah, come on.

1:11:42 Adam Don't read the others. You'll be disappointed.

1:11:44 Drew Fansize about guys, but romantic situations. She has anxiety attacks. Okay. Hey, everybody. When we come back, we're going to speak to Megan. Megan's condom broke and now she's pregnant. Wants to know how to tell mom? We'll tell her how to tell mom and the lightning round coming up after this. We'll be right back. It is Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Goo Goo Dolls tomorrow night, save Ferris Thursday night. Larry Flint in here debating Rabbi Shmuley Bota. It's gonna be in here on Sunday. Okay, listen, our security guard is just, he's sawing logs out in the next room.

1:13:04 Adam Sleep apnea. It's like shaking the walls.

1:13:06 Drew He's a big guy, yeah, the bigger a guy's head is, the more noise he makes when he, it's the weight around here. Is it?

1:13:12 Adam Yeah, he's obstruct.

1:13:14 Drew Correlation between the jowl size and the size of the sound coming out of the cat's mouth. But we have a cracked security staff. Basically, we have to step over his lifeless corpse to get to our car every day because he's sawing logs out in the next room. I hope Danielle, where'd she go? Okay, he's snoring. Okay, I just told Anderson to rig me up with about a 20 foot mic cord. And what I'm gonna do, Drew, is I'm gonna sneak in there.

1:13:39 Adam Get a little footage.

1:13:40 Drew I'm gonna see if I can get close to him with the mic. Now I can hear it around the corner, but I'm gonna see how close I can get the mic to him. Now if you hear any shooting, it means he woke up. It was disoriented. I'm hoping that because he's our security guard, he won't hit me, but I'm gonna go give it a try, okay? All right, so.

1:14:01 Adam Give us a little play by play too. Oh, you don't have a headset on.

1:14:06 Drew You just hang out, okay? First, let me try. Let me try this mic.

1:14:09 Adam Testing, testing. Go ahead. That's the wrong end of the mic.

1:14:14 Drew Oh, for Christ's sake, it's black. Come on.

1:14:16 Adam You've been on radio.

1:14:17 Drew Oh, shut up, you idiot. All right, can you hear me?

1:14:20 Adam Yeah, we got you.

1:14:20 That's the longest one I have, so just take it.

1:14:22 Adam He's gonna make it.

1:14:23 Drew I think I can make it. Listen, Drew, I can hear him coming around the corner. Okay, now open the door.

1:14:28 Adam He's opening the door. He's leaving the studio with the mic.

1:14:31 Drew Okay, now I'm not gonna talk too much, because I don't want to wake him up.

1:14:34 Adam I'm giving you court. I'm like, it's like Diver Dan. I'm like feeding him a rope here as he goes around the corner. Okay, go ahead. Give us a little, let's know you're okay there, Adam. All right, here we go.

1:14:47 Drew Drew, he's not making any noise now.

1:14:50 Adam I see.

1:14:51 Caller Hold on.

1:14:55 Adam Okay. I hear somebody breathing. I hope that's probably Adam with his, Adam's nasal septum problems. Okay.

1:15:14 Drew Okay, I'm coming back in here. Okay, that's good radio. I swear to Christ, the guy woke up. All right, hold on. You know, it's like people know when you're talking about him or something. He woke up, he gave a big sign, he like sat up a little bit. He was totally sawing logs in there. Two minutes ago.

1:15:33 I guess the car just pulled up, so let's try again.

1:15:34 Drew Oh, car pulled up?

1:15:37 Adam How did he know that even?

1:15:38 Drew I don't know how he knew. I think he ordered a pizza.

1:15:41 My favorite person.

1:15:43 Drew Listen, I'm going to put-

1:15:44 Adam What?

1:15:45 Caller Adam got lost on the way back, he went in the wrong room coming back to the studio.

1:15:48 Drew No, I ducked in that room because I wanted to talk and I wanted him to hear me. Listen, I'm going to put this by the door and I went. Danielle, you got to monitor him. She's still listening. Okay, listen, if we hear him again, I'm going to run out there. Don't worry, he'll go down again. He'll go down hard this time. Cover for me, Drew. I'm going to put the mic down.

1:16:07 Adam He doesn't yell again. We want you to monitor him for when he starts making some good noises. We want the mic out in the hall or somewhere.

1:16:16 Drew You want to put it out in the hall?

1:16:18 Caller No, I'm not going to leave it open.

1:16:19 Drew You don't want to leave it open out in the hall, you idiot.

1:16:22 Caller Okay, we don't want to keep it off.

1:16:23 Adam Well, no, I was going to put it out there and then if Danielle hears him, open it up and then you can.

1:16:27 Drew Well, that's not a bad call. Yeah?

1:16:29 Caller All right.

1:16:30 Drew All right, we'll do that.

1:16:32 Adam All right.

1:16:32 Drew All right. Where are we, Drew?

1:16:33 Adam We're talking to Megan, four. Megan.

1:16:36 Drew Megan, you're 15.

1:16:38 Adam Megan?

1:16:39 Caller Yeah.

1:16:39 Adam Hi.

1:16:40 Caller Hi.

1:16:41 Adam What's going on?

1:16:42 Caller Okay. I'm 15 and a month and a half ago, I had sex and the condom broke and I took four or five pregnancy tests, and they all came out positive and I don't know how to tell my mom.

1:16:57 Drew Hey, Megan?

1:16:58 Caller Yeah.

1:16:59 Drew The condom didn't really break, did it? No.

1:17:03 Caller Okay.

1:17:04 Drew You weren't wearing a condom.

1:17:06 Caller Yeah, we were.

1:17:07 Drew He wasn't.

1:17:07 Adam All right, so there's this moat because the condom broke. You can get health care without talking to your parents. You can go to Planned Parenthood, places like-

1:17:19 Caller Well, my older sister bought me the pregnancy test.

1:17:21 Adam No, you can go to Planned Parenthood, you can go get health care without your parents involved.

1:17:25 Drew Let her older sister buy you the test. What do you want to do with the child?

1:17:30 Caller I don't know because I don't believe in abortions or nothing.

1:17:33 Drew Okay.

1:17:34 Adam So your parents are going to find out, right?

1:17:37 Drew Why don't you believe in abortion? Why don't more people believe in abortion? Why don't more people that are having sex at 14 and a half believe in abortion?

1:17:44 Caller Because it's like killing the kid.

1:17:46 Adam Because Megan's mom hit her when she was 16.

1:17:48 Drew Yeah, but you being a mother is like killing the kid.

1:17:51 Adam Is that right, Megan? How old was your mom when she had you?

1:17:54 Caller Like 23.

1:17:55 Adam 23.

1:17:56 Drew Really? How old is she now?

1:17:58 Caller Like 38 or something.

1:17:59 Drew Oh, yeah. But how old was she when she had your sister?

1:18:02 Caller Oh, I don't know.

1:18:04 Adam How old is your sister?

1:18:05 Caller 22.

1:18:07 Caller Now we're getting warmer.

1:18:09 Adam She's 38. 16. She was 16 when she had the sister.

1:18:14 Drew Hey, Megan?

1:18:15 Adam Yeah.

1:18:16 Drew Yeah. Okay. Hold on a second. I got a gloat on Drew's behalf. Why is it we're never, ever, ever wrong? And how come our listeners will never clue us in on that? Meaning how old was she when she had you? 38. Well, 23. I guess I stand corrected. Wait, older sister bought the pregnancy test. How old is she? 22, 23. Perfect. Now it's all perfect.

1:18:37 Caller Yeah.

1:18:38 Drew All right. Listen, Megan, I would beg you to have an abortion, if not abortion, adoption. What do you think?

1:18:45 Caller Okay.

1:18:45 Drew All right.

1:18:46 Adam Adoption.

1:18:47 Drew So you got to tell your mom and you got to have an adoption and don't worry, your mom will understand.

1:18:51 Adam She's been there.

1:18:52 Drew Boy, she's been there. She was pregnant.

1:18:53 Adam Yeah. But some of these moms that have been there are not very understanding because they're so convinced that it will never happen again.

1:18:59 Drew Right.

1:18:59 Adam Never let that happen to their kids.

1:19:01 Drew What's going on out there? Is there any snoring?

1:19:04 Adam Oh, yeah. We got him. Oh, Danielle.

1:19:09 Caller Score.

1:19:10 Drew Danielle, how close is the mic to him? Is it around the corner?

1:19:16 Caller It's right around the corner from him.

1:19:18 Drew It's right around, but it's still like a good six feet from him, right?

1:19:20 Caller Oh, more than six feet.

1:19:24 I knew we'd be back.

1:19:26 Drew Danielle, go over there and get on your hands and knees and just push the mic even closer to him, but be quiet, okay? This is the crack Loveline security team. This may become a nightly installment on the show though.

1:19:44 Caller Okay.

1:19:58 Adam Daniel, get out of there. Get out. Go, go, go, go.

1:20:01 Drew All right. All right. So we're going to check in with the snore cam every once in a while.

1:20:09 Adam You guys got to tell us when it gets intense, because he was doing some wall shake and stuff. Yeah.

1:20:13 Drew If he's having any dreams about a Jamaican prison, we want to hear about it, all right?

1:20:17 Adam All right.

1:20:18 Drew We'll pot him down, and we'll check in with him as the night wears on. And again, a new wrinkle in the show.

1:20:24 Adam We have a very interesting sort of a new feature in the lightning round. Think about this.

1:20:30 Drew Oh, yeah. I'll have a sidekick with some personality. Finally. Finally someone who gets my humor. Allison, thank you. Allison, you're 17.

1:20:41 Caller Hi.

1:20:42 Drew What's up?

1:20:43 Caller I was wondering what the long and short-term side effects of Deprover of Airwear are.

1:20:47 Adam Short-term are no period or excessive bleeding, sometimes irritability, sometimes depression, sometimes some hair growth, sometimes weight gain. It's very similar to side effect profile from the pill, though a little less of obviously the estrogen kinds of effects, and long-term nothing.

1:21:05 Drew All right.

1:21:05 Adam Long-term, it's very safe.

1:21:06 Drew Get on it. Paul?

1:21:09 Yes.

1:21:09 Drew You're 26?

1:21:11 Caller Yes.

1:21:11 Drew What's up?

1:21:13 Caller I'm wondering about the new HSV2 testing that's out on the market.

1:21:18 Adam Yeah.

1:21:19 Caller It's called Pocket. Where can I get access to that?

1:21:23 Adam Over-the-counter?

1:21:24 Caller Well, I know it's not over-the-counter, but do you know any clinics in LA?

1:21:28 Drew Is this a herpes blood test?

1:21:30 Adam A blood test?

1:21:30 Caller Yeah, it's a herpes blood test.

1:21:31 Adam Why are you concerned about it?

1:21:33 Caller Well, it's been a year now. I get irritation anytime I have sex, not anytime, but a lot of times after I have sex, I get irritation and I get these like swelling, redness on my foreskin, and then...

1:21:49 Adam That's very suspicious.

1:21:51 Caller There's these bumps that develop.

1:21:52 Adam Alright, somebody needs to look at those.

1:21:54 Caller Yeah, I've been checked by like four different doctors and dermatologists and registered nurses, and they've always, all of them said that it doesn't look like it's herpes.

1:22:03 Adam Alright, if the dermatologist is saying no, that's pretty solid, but it's an interesting use of the blood test that you really, the blood test, in my estimation, are corroborative or help sort of...

1:22:15 Drew You need them in conjunction with the look.

1:22:18 Adam I really don't like using them as a pure...

1:22:21 Drew Is this new? Is this something that's been around?

1:22:24 Adam No, well, the antibody tests have been around for a while, but some good tests have finally come out.

1:22:28 Drew Is this oral and genital? Any kind of herpy?

1:22:31 Adam I believe both are available. I wouldn't swear to that. I know Type 2 is available.

1:22:35 Drew Would there be a difference?

1:22:37 Adam Yeah, there's different antibody response.

1:22:40 Drew Okay, so it's not just a herpy antibody that it's responding to?

1:22:44 Adam It's very specific. And that's the previous problem, is it was very, very general. Now these are very specific.

1:22:48 Drew So if you had genital herpes and you took the oral herpes blood test, it wouldn't register, and vice versa?

1:22:56 Adam I believe that's true. Again, I believe that's true.

1:22:58 Drew Dude, chop you. Paul.

1:23:00 Caller What I've read about this pocket, the HSV2, is that it's specific to general herpes.

1:23:07 Adam Yeah, HSV2.

1:23:08 Drew I see. Why does he call it pocket?

1:23:10 Caller Because that's what it's called.

1:23:11 Caller It's T-O-C-K-I-T. And the other blood test that was out in the market for a while, that's the western blood.

1:23:19 Adam Yeah, that was very nonspecific.

1:23:20 Caller Yeah, and I don't want to take that because...

1:23:22 Adam It's gonna be positive no matter what. Right. It will be.

1:23:25 Drew All right, hey, let's check back in with the snore mics. He's not going hard? Not going hard?

1:23:29 Oh yeah.

1:23:33 Adam It's not bad.

1:23:37 Adam This could replace farting over for you, Adam.

1:23:39 Drew It's endlessly amusing.

1:23:41 Adam He knows we're talking about him.

1:23:48 Drew Oh, no.

1:23:49 Caller He, shh, there we go.

1:23:52 Drew This is our security guard, by the way, who's out on the sofa. He sleeps every night. It's a two-hour show, he gets two and a half hours' sleep every night. No greater compliment to a host, by the way.

1:24:06 Adam Here's the good news. I guess the more starling news, that's our best guard.

1:24:10 Drew He's the good one. He's the one with the strong work ethic. He would be the, what you call, the stalwart of the group of guards that we get.

1:24:21 Adam The crack team we've got.

1:24:22 Drew Oh my God.

1:24:23 Caller You should have seen him pissed off. He was last night because they were doing construction out there and he couldn't sleep on his little couch because they had planks of wood on it.

1:24:30 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, there's nothing more upsetting. I know this as someone who's been employed for about 20 years now.

1:24:37 Adam They're having to do your job.

1:24:39 Drew Well, you show up at work and some guy spread his ass all over your good napping spot. You know how frustrating that can be? You come in, there's a piece of drywall and some rough sawn cedar 1 by 16 G that's sitting right in your good napping area. How are you supposed to get your nap in? You know what I'm saying? You punch in, you want to punch out. Right. Son of a bitch. I tell you, he's got a real grievance with the union. If we find this son of a bitch who put his wood material on his napping spot, some heads are going to roll. I'm surprised he hasn't written a letter. I would be outraged if I was him. Imagine. No, seriously, have some empathy. Imagine you go to work and someone has cluttered your nap space. Listen, if anyone wants to break in here and have a shot of me and Drew, now is the time. I gotta warn you though, he is cranky when he wakes up. All right, we're going to take a little break. We'll check back with the Snormyke, with the security guard Snormyke after this. Oh, there, Ace Rockolla and the Good Buy. There, that is, it's back there in the middle, lying around as fast as 14 minutes on radio. We got the Snormyke planted outside of our sleep and security guard. Let's check in with that. Still sawing logs. Let me check the time. It's 1146 and 25 seconds. That is 13 minutes and 35 seconds away from the top of the hour, the witching hour, 12 midnight. You're smack down in the middle, lying around. There's a lot of real life. Katie.

1:27:24 Guest Hi.

1:27:25 Drew Katie, you're 13 years old.

1:27:27 Guest Yeah.

1:27:27 Drew Yeah.

1:27:28 Caller I have a lot of hair on my stomach. It's really dark. And on my sideburns.

1:27:33 Caller I'm wondering if something is wrong.

1:27:35 Drew You got them Carl, your shrimps, your pork chops going?

1:27:38 Adam There is something called the Stein-Leventhal syndrome. And you need to get that checked out by your doctor. Also, there can be familial hirsutism. That's the most common thing. Disorders of the adrenal gland can cause this, associated with high blood pressure sometimes.

1:27:51 Drew What's your nationality, Katie?

1:27:53 Caller Huh?

1:27:54 Drew Nationality.

1:27:55 Caller I'm American.

1:27:57 Adam Where are your ancestors from?

1:28:00 Caller I think they're from America. I think I have a little Indian in me.

1:28:04 Caller Little Indian in you?

1:28:06 Caller Yeah.

1:28:06 Drew Yeah, all right. So you just think you're like a three-quarter Cherokee and that's about it?

1:28:11 Adam Yeah.

1:28:13 Caller Actually.

1:28:14 Drew Hey, Katie. Can you tell me your last name?

1:28:18 Caller Clark.

1:28:19 Drew Clark. Wow. You may have been here for a while. All right there, sweetie. All right there, Pocahontas.

1:28:24 Adam Talk to your doctor about it.

1:28:25 Drew Get yourself a little wax in there. Let's check the time there, Dr. Drew. It's 1147 and 50 seconds. That's 12 minutes and 10 seconds away from the top of the hour straight up. That is 12 midnight. Ready to hop on the phone, Dr. Drew?

1:28:42 Adam Yeah.

1:28:42 Drew Let's check in with the snore mic again. See how our security guard is doing in the next room.

1:28:48 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:28:51 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:28:52 He doesn't disappoint.

1:28:55 Drew We got Rumpelstiltskin over there. Where's that Rip Van Winkle? Who's the guy who slept for 100 years?

1:29:00 Adam Rumpelstiltskin. No, Rip Van Winkle.

1:29:02 Drew Rip Van Winkle. What did Rumpelstiltskin do?

1:29:04 Adam He was the guy that...

1:29:06 Drew He spun something out of gold.

1:29:07 Adam Yeah, he had to guess his name or he'd marry the girl who he spun the gold for.

1:29:11 Drew So Rip Van Winkle was...

1:29:12 Adam Yeah.

1:29:13 Drew All right, let's hop back on the phones. Who am I talking to here, Druski? All right, fair enough. I'm speaking to Joe, Joey. Yeah. Joey, 19 years old brother, smacked the a** in the middle of the Latin Round on the Loveline. Let me tell you something. The Goo Goo Goo Goo Goo Goo Goo Goo dolls are going to be in here tomorrow night. They are hot, hot, hot. That's right. What is going on there, Joey?

1:29:34 Caller Me and my girlfriend have been doing ecstasy for like the last four days. And Sunday she got really, really sick. And she hasn't been able to eat for like the last two days.

1:29:45 Adam Why don't you take her to a doctor? You got to take her to the emergency room, Joe.

1:29:48 Caller Yeah.

1:29:49 Drew Yeah, Joe.

1:29:49 Adam Yeah, like right now.

1:29:50 Drew Hey, Joe, you trying to kill her?

1:29:52 Caller No.

1:29:52 Drew All right.

1:29:53 Adam That's what's going to happen if you don't take her in.

1:29:55 Drew Yeah, there, Joe. Hey, that's a good plan. I'll just juice my gallop full of hallucinogens for an entire week and see what happens.

1:30:03 Adam And then when she stops eating and drinking, let's keep her tied up to the bed.

1:30:07 Drew Joe, I'll tell you what, buddy. Call us back after she stopped breathing. You did some weird things with one of your friends. Give it a dare show, though, would you, buddy?

1:30:14 Adam You did some weird things.

1:30:15 Drew Well, let me tell you something about it, friend. Let me check the time real quick here. The first, though. It's 11, 49, and 40 seconds straight up. That is 10 minutes and 20 seconds away from the top of the hour, 12 minutes and a witch and hours. Shut up. You're listening to Love Line.

1:30:28 Guest Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:30:33 Drew Yeah, that's right. My buddy, he overdosed on bootleg Quaaludes there, Dr. Drew. He took about 50 bootleg Quaaludes. I think it was a cry for help.

1:30:44 Adam And what did you guys do with him?

1:30:45 Drew Well, we woke him up there. It was about two in the morning. That's when me and Chris and the Wees all lived in the same goddamn one-bedroom apartment dump over there in North Highland, in the lower canyon, me and Wees on the futon.

1:30:58 Adam The Ace lived in a goddamn one-bedroom with three other guys.

1:31:02 Drew The Ace Rockolla, let me tell you something, humble beginnings. Big star now though, kiddies. Let's check the time. It's 11.50 in 30 seconds straight up. That is nine minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the hour. The witching hour, you smack dab in the middle. Other lighting around, the fabulous Loveline. Yeah, he took about 50 bootleg Quaaludes and me and the Wees had to keep him up all night. We didn't know what was gonna happen to him. We thought he might die, so we called the Do It Now Foundation, a bunch of hippies in Hollywood that Mamma Carolla used to swing with. Ironically enough, the people at Man, the drug hotline, are stoned off their ass all night, smoking weed with Zorback and Mom over there, and basically sitting around reading High Times. And we called them up, and the guy was pretty laid back. He was like, pharmaceutical or bootleg? I said, bootleg, brother. He said, keep him up. See if you can get him to vomit. The guy said, I said, we'll get a little of that Ipikak. But Chris, because he had an iron will, drank the thing of Ipikak and washed it down with some scotch and never did actually vomit. So we threw him in the car and we drove up to Mulholland and watched the sun come up, and I ended up missing that day of work. But that's all right because I was swinging a hammer, making eight bucks an hour, and I only missed about $45 that day. We kept him up for 24 hours and he didn't die. He later got high.

1:32:26 Adam Snorecam?

1:32:27 Drew What's that?

1:32:27 Adam Snorecam.

1:32:28 Drew Let's check in on the snore mic, see what our security guard is doing.

1:32:35 Adam Oh, disturbing.

1:32:37 Drew I can hear him breathing though, let's check it.

1:32:43 Adam That sounds like awake breathing. Yeah.

1:32:45 Drew All right, let me just check the time. It's 11 52 and six seconds. That is seven minutes and 54 seconds away with the top of the hour straight up. I'm Ace Rockolla, my partner there, Dr. Drew. We gonna have it? What? He's snoring? Let's get back. Oh, there we go. He's back. That is the crack security staff over here at Loveline. And let me tell you something, big fans of the show, big, big fans of Ace Rockolla's work. All right, let's hop back to him and burn through it. Drew, you got somebody over there? You're being over there? Let's speak to Brian, Brian. 19 years old, make them in the middle of the line around here in Loveline, Ace Rockolla and my partner, Drew, the goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo dolls gonna be in there tomorrow night, and then to save, save, save, save, save. I'll give some for Ferris. And then Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry, Flint and Rabbi, Rabbi, Rabbi, Shmooley Bulldog is going to be here Saturday night. What's going on there, Brian?

1:33:41 Caller Yeah, it's like when me and my girlfriend are-

1:33:43 Drew Hey Brian, hold on, let me check the time. It's 1153 straight up, seven minutes away from the hour. Go ahead, buddy.

1:33:48 Caller Yeah, when me and my girlfriend are having sex, she likes to dig her nails in my back, and it's like if she don't do that, then I can't ejaculate.

1:33:56 Drew Yeah, anyway.

1:33:58 Caller And I was wondering if there's something wrong with me, or if that's just a fetish or what?

1:34:03 Drew Doing fine, hey buddy, yes, put one of them leather vests on so she don't leave a scar, right there, buddy. Happy digging, he's digging for gold, she's digging for jizz. What time is it? Well, it's 11 53 and 30 seconds straight up, that is six minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the aisle. Let's check back with the snore mic, see how our security guard's doing in the next room. I think he's starting to wind down now. He's getting ready to stumble out into the parking lot so he can take a bullet for it. All right, Drew, should we take a little extended break? What are you saying, everybody?

1:34:36 Adam Yeah, that sounds good to me.

1:34:37 Drew All right, we'll be back with more of the Fabulous Loveline after this.

1:34:43 Adam With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back before you know it.

1:35:22 Drew I said, wait till Drew finds out. That's my exact word, so. All right. Let's check in with the snore mic one more time. Is it still going?

1:35:32 Caller Wow. That's normal.

1:35:38 Drew Chewbacca is in there, is like taking a bullet. All right. Let's just listen for just five seconds. Hi, Drew, I'm going to make a run for the car. You cover, you grab his gun and cover me.

1:35:53 Caller All right.

1:35:54 Drew All right, the Goo Goo Dolls tomorrow night, everyone. And until then, this Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew is saying, one more. Mahalo. 40, 45, I might like to experience a nice cornhole link. Well, now.

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Tuesday, April 18, 2000