Episode 1000754887387

7:25 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

7:36 Yeah.

7:37 Drew Safe in here tonight?

7:38 Adam Yeah, as far as you know.

7:40 Drew Yeah, it's quite a different ambience in here. The bouquet isn't quite the same, although I've noticed the wizard standing at the end of the table here.

7:46 Adam I moved it out of your reach.

7:48 Drew Okay.

7:48 Voiceover Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. This is Loveline, everybody. It was Dr. Drew's birthday last night.

8:05 Drew It's quite a celebration.

8:06 Adam I made him a homemade gift. I didn't go into a store and buy-

8:09 Drew Home brewed.

8:10 Adam Didn't buy something off the shelf. I whipped it up right here in the studio.

8:14 Drew Whipped it up as the-

8:15 Adam I had one of the biggest gas nights of my life last night.

8:19 Drew Tell me you didn't call Jimmy as soon as you got home.

8:21 Adam I did. No, I didn't talk to Jimmy about it, though. We both laughed like hyenas. The thing that really makes us laugh is when somebody really protests too much. Engineer Anderson can't stand it when I break wind and he's disgusted by it. He came in here at a certain point and looked at me very seriously and said, You know, when you break wind, people in the room inhale particles of your fecal matter. He was dead serious about it. What do you think my reaction was to that? I was already laughing, so now I'm holding my side and falling down onto the floor. That to me, the smell is great, but the part about inhaling the fecal particles, that's just a bonus for me. That's the Jimmy's on top of the Sunday.

9:13 You are the worst human being I have ever met.

9:16 Drew Let me straighten out that notion. It's actually gas produced by the bacteria in your colon, the methane. Although, last night clearly wasn't methane. It was some other gas being produced.

9:28 Adam It was serious.

9:29 Drew Yeah, it was more like some sort of putrefaction.

9:32 Putrefaction.

9:34 Adam I got to write that one down.

9:36 Drew Yeah, Jimmy will like that.

9:37 Adam Yeah, putrefaction. Now, what is that?

9:40 Drew It's a certain kind of non-oxygen using bacteria when they actually destroy tissue. And it's like rotting. Rotting is putrefaction.

9:52 Adam I may have farted out eight foot of lower intestine.

9:55 Drew Colon might have actually sloughed off. Yeah, I think so.

9:58 Adam Putrefaction. Yeah. All right.

10:01 Drew And here's the two ironies in my story on this.

10:04 Adam One is, you don't inhale particles?

10:07 Drew No. No, you don't. Sorry.

10:09 Adam Sorry, Anderson. Why are you ruining it for me, Drew?

10:11 Drew Sorry. I didn't want any false information going on here. First of all, Ann believed I somehow enjoyed it last night because I wouldn't come in and broadcast in the other room.

10:19 Adam Right.

10:19 Drew Well, if I had sat in the other room, you would have busted my chops for two straight hours.

10:23 Adam Well, that's true. But to be fair to Ann, you do have a love-hate relationship with my a-hole.

10:30 Drew Well, that's the other side. This will maybe elevate your esteem of my wife in your own eyes. I went home and couldn't wait to tell her the story. She laughed like a hyena. Half an hour.

10:40 Adam Oh, really?

10:41 Drew Hysterics.

10:41 Adam When you told her about the gants. Oh, well.

10:43 Drew Okay.

10:44 Adam She's scoring points. Okay. She's up to three now. No, I have newfound love and respect for Susan. Natalie?

10:53 Yeah.

10:53 Adam You're 23?

10:55 Caller Yes.

10:55 Adam What is up?

10:57 Caller Okay. This is kind of embarrassing. Just to tell you guys we love you guys in Canada.

11:02 Adam Oh, yeah. Where are you calling from in Canada?

11:05 Caller In Windsor.

11:06 Adam Oh, yeah. So, it's my hometown.

11:08 Caller Oh, is it?

11:08 Drew Yeah.

11:09 Caller Cool.

11:10 Adam What's up?

11:11 Caller All right. My nipples are leaking.

11:16 Adam Right.

11:17 Drew That's breast milk.

11:18 Adam What's coming out of them?

11:19 Caller No, I'm not pregnant.

11:20 Drew Yeah, but there's other things that can cause that. You want any medication?

11:23 Caller Yes, I am.

11:24 Drew That's the most common reason for that.

11:26 Adam What are you on?

11:26 Caller I'm on Paxil.

11:27 Drew There you go.

11:28 Adam That's it?

11:29 Drew That's it. That's a good combo to cause this.

11:34 Adam Should she not worry about it?

11:35 Drew No, you should talk to your doctor about it because sometimes, here's the thing, sometimes you can have an underlying endocrine problem such as a prolactin tumor of the pituitary gland or some thyroid problem that is sort of brought out by these medications.

11:48 Adam So, it could surface. Hey, Natalie, what is coming out of there? Is it clear or is it white?

11:55 Caller It's clear. It's white. Like I was breastfeeding two years ago. I have a two-and-a-half-year-old daughter and about two years ago, I was breastfeeding and it kind of looks like the milk but not as dirt.

12:06 Drew That's what it is.

12:07 Adam Would it need to be a stimulator or just drip out of there? Like a maple tree?

12:12 Caller Yeah.

12:13 Adam Oh, it does.

12:14 Caller And once in a while, it'll just kind of...

12:16 Drew Given that you're the breast meister, do you find that as an arousing?

12:19 Adam No.

12:20 Drew No.

12:20 Adam No.

12:21 Drew That soils the...

12:22 Adam I don't... Here's the deal. There's a handful of guys that are into the milk and queens. I mean, there's magazines dedicated to it and all that kind of stuff. I don't like it. First off, they're not utters, they're breasts. And number two, I don't like to think of them as performing a function other than for me to masturbate to.

12:43 Drew More importantly, I think the whole notion of a female being a biological organism is terribly disturbing to you.

12:49 Adam Right. Absolutely.

12:50 Drew Having any real existence of their own or being a biological makeup in a sense.

12:55 Adam Fembots. That's what I like. And putrefaction, which is my new word.

13:02 Drew You know what's amazing? It's sort of a long story, but you know how people resist taking antidepressant medication?

13:07 Adam Yes.

13:09 Drew Prozac, which is one of the more powerful and really effective antidepressants out there, is the one thing that people will come in and say, I'm terribly depressed. You gotta give me some medication. But I won't take that Prozac stuff.

13:18 Adam Right.

13:18 Drew They'll take things that have one molecule, one atom different than Prozac, just because the names are.

13:24 Adam It's been stigmatized a little bit.

13:25 Drew Now they've come out with a new preparation of Prozac for premenstrual tension syndrome, the premenstrual depressive disorders called Happy Femme.

13:33 Adam Right.

13:34 Drew Same medicine.

13:34 Adam And they're all over that.

13:35 Drew Fluoxetine, yeah. That one I'll take.

13:37 Adam JJ?

13:38 Hey, Adam Corolla.

13:40 Adam Hey, what's up there? You're 19. Oh, thank you.

13:44 Caller I called her before, about a year ago, on engineer Mike's last day. And Sherry was one that picked up calls.

13:53 Drew Sherry?

13:54 Adam Yeah.

13:54 Caller She sounded much sexier on the phone than Danielle.

13:59 Adam Well, Danielle's not here, so I'll say yeah. Oh, Ann picked up the phone.

14:03 Drew That was producer Ann.

14:04 Adam No, Ann's super hot.

14:05 Whatever.

14:06 Adam All right, so go ahead.

14:08 Caller Who do you think is better, engineer Mike or engineer Anderson?

14:12 Adam I love them both.

14:13 Whatever.

14:14 Caller This engineer Anderson gets too much into it more than engineer Mike?

14:19 Adam Well, Mike was distracted with the like of the show. I was going to say, Mike had a few irons in the fire, whereas with Anderson, this is all he has. He's clinging to it desperately.

14:28 Drew No, it's more like a life preserver for him.

14:31 Adam Is that what you're saying?

14:31 Drew That's a prick.

14:32 Adam All right. Hey JJ, we're going to let you go because your phone line's bad.

14:36 Drew All right, Dan.

14:37 Adam All right.

14:37 Drew Bye bye.

14:38 Adam Take care. Well, there you go. High praise. David?

14:43 Caller Yo.

14:43 Adam You're 24. What's up?

14:44 Caller Yeah.

14:45 Caller This is my second time calling. First time I called to get a diagnosis on what turned out to be herpes.

14:50 Caller Okay.

14:51 Caller Yeah.

14:53 Drew Were we accurate on that or did we miss?

14:55 Caller Yeah, it was herpes type 2.

14:56 Drew Yeah, so we figured that. Well, you can't tell if it's 1 or 2. It's just on your genitalia, right?

15:00 Caller Well, I went and had the test done.

15:02 Adam What's the difference between 1 and 2?

15:04 Drew No difference. Well, 2 tends to be a little more virulent, a little more active, associated sometimes with meningitis.

15:09 Adam So 2 is a little worse.

15:10 Drew But they both occur in both places, both in the mouth.

15:13 Adam So why bother defining them that way?

15:15 Drew We don't need to.

15:16 Okay.

15:17 Caller What they told me at the department when I had the test done was that herpes 1 was usually like a cold sore. It's the same type of virus that usually occurs orally to orally.

15:29 Drew Both 1 and 2 both occurs on your genitalia. You can't tell whether you have 1 or 2. If you do a culture, they can't.

15:38 Caller Okay. That's what they were telling me.

15:40 That's how they found out. Okay.

15:41 Caller He threw me off for a second there. Well, my question really was that I'm wanting to one day be a family guy, settle down. Well, this one obviously didn't turn out to be the right one. But I wanted to know what effect, if any, would the herpes virus have on conception of a child?

16:01 Drew Not any significant effect on conception, fertility.

16:04 Caller Okay. But can it be transmitted to the baby?

16:08 Adam Well, you put a condom on before you eff the baby. I mean, is that what you're talking about?

16:12 Drew It can, although much less so than we had previously thought.

16:16 Adam For a man or to his wife?

16:18 Drew He's going to pass it to his wife.

16:19 Adam So he's going to assume he's going to give it to his wife. And then she's going to have to deal with that. I won't yet, but I'm working on it. And they used to, the Vietnamese hooker that you got the herpes from didn't work out?

16:29 Caller No, no, no. Turns out she was going out and servicing a whole airbase.

16:35 Drew Is that true, or you just make that assumption now?

16:37 Caller Oh, no. She broke up with me last night over the phone. We were talking still a little bit, and she broke up with me over the phone last night, said that she was going out to an airbase and to a big party out there.

16:48 Adam Well, she's a real patriot. She's doing what she can for the country.

16:51 Caller Oh, yeah. It's support the troops.

16:53 Adam Yeah. It's important for morale to be high for those guys. All right. So, David, I'm glad you got a sense of humor about the herpes and the breakup and everything.

17:00 Caller Oh, that's all you can do, you know?

17:01 Adam Yeah. Good. I like your style.

17:03 Caller Thank you.

17:04 Adam You'll find yourself a dream woman. You have a big brood and then get divorced, but the kids will be fine. They won't get the herpes. In the past, what? If a woman had herpes, they would do a C-section, right?

17:15 Drew They still do tend in that direction.

17:17 Adam Even if she didn't have a breakout?

17:19 Drew No, they can deliver if they don't have no breakout. They didn't think they used to be able to do that. Now, they can do that.

17:24 Adam I see.

17:25 All right.

17:26 Adam Richard.

17:27 Yeah.

17:28 Adam You're 24. What's up?

17:29 Caller How are you doing?

17:30 Adam Good.

17:31 Caller I love The Man Show.

17:32 Adam Why? Thank you.

17:34 Caller I'm a member of drdrew.com.

17:36 Drew Fantastic.

17:37 Caller And my question is, I am dating a significantly older woman than I am. I'm 24 and she's 37. Yeah. And I'm getting a lot of... My friends are really bothering me about it. I mean, their opinion kind of matters to me.

17:55 Drew What is their issue?

17:56 Caller Well, their issue is that they think I love her like my mom and still like my girlfriend, which is not the fact. I mean, you know, I'm much in love with my girlfriend.

18:06 Adam Yeah. Well, let me ask you, is she taking care of you at all?

18:10 Caller Well, yeah. I mean, we were not like my mom would. I mean...

18:13 Adam No. But are you driving her car?

18:16 Caller Oh, no.

18:17 Adam Sleeping at her house?

18:18 Caller Yes. I do do that. I sleep at her house sometimes.

18:22 Drew Now, what road are you going down here? That's part of the appeal of an older woman?

18:25 Adam No. Here's the... Yes. But here's the road I'm going down. If Richard had himself, he's 24, if he had himself a 37-year-old girlfriend, she was sleeping over at his place, he was making more money than she was maybe. When they went out to dinner, he was pulling the credit card out.

18:42 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

18:43 Adam They're driving around in his car.

18:44 Drew No, I understand.

18:45 Adam I don't think they'd be giving him any slack.

18:47 Drew I see.

18:47 Adam He's dating an older woman.

18:49 Drew I see.

18:50 Adam He's sleeping at her house.

18:51 Drew I see.

18:52 Adam She may be buying the groceries.

18:53 Drew Sugar mama.

18:54 Adam And you know how guys, they look for a crack, any kind of opening, any daylight coming through at all for the ridicule.

19:00 Drew Right.

19:01 Adam Now, there's going to be a little ridicule anyway, just with the 13-year difference. But if he's sacked up at her house, you know what I'm saying?

19:09 Drew I gotcha.

19:10 Adam Especially, does she have any kids?

19:12 Caller Yes, she does.

19:13 Adam Yeah, so that stirs the kettle a little bit for them.

19:17 Drew Was she recently divorced?

19:19 Caller Was she recently divorced?

19:20 Drew Yeah.

19:20 Caller Yeah, she got divorced about a year ago.

19:22 Drew See, what they're picking up on is something that women do around that age, is what they look for younger guy just as a sort of preoccupation.

19:29 Adam Yeah, but to be fair to Richard, he sounds like he's been driving a truck for 45 years.

19:32 Caller Yeah.

19:34 But...

19:35 Adam Hey, Richard?

19:36 Caller But I do now...

19:37 Adam Now, who makes more money, you or her?

19:40 Caller I do.

19:40 Adam You do? And when you go out, you drive and you pay for dinner?

19:44 Caller Right, I pay for dinner, I pay for roses, I pay for everything.

19:47 Adam Okay. All right. Tell your friends to shut up. They're just screwing around. They don't care.

19:53 Caller All right. I just want to know whether it's normal, you know.

19:55 Adam Yeah, it's fine.

19:56 Drew Well, you're both adults, and you know to make choices about the issues involved here. It's not like you're 17 and she's 29, although that might have been when it started.

20:06 Adam Yeah.

20:07 Drew But be that as it may, you're making your choices, you're both adults, whatever.

20:11 Adam Listen, guys do this to guys constantly and nonstop. They don't even mean it.

20:15 Drew Any opportunity.

20:17 Adam Oh, absolutely. Jamie?

20:19 Guest Yeah.

20:20 Adam You're 16. What's going on?

20:22 Guest Okay. Well, I've been dating this one guy, and I recently cheated on him this weekend. And the guy that I cheated on with him on, I've liked since like freshman year, except for, I don't know if I should go for him because he's going to have this baby with this other girl in like a month.

20:38 Adam Jesus Christ.

20:42 Drew What's not to love about him?

20:43 Adam Well, you got some white trash in you, right?

20:45 Guest No, no, no. He's actually a really nice guy. I know that sounds dumb, but he is.

20:50 Adam Well, how old is he?

20:51 Guest He's 19.

20:52 Adam He's 19? So he's out of high school, I hope?

20:56 Guest Yeah, he just graduated last year.

20:58 Adam Okay. And your boyfriend, how old is he?

21:01 Guest He's my age. He's 16.

21:03 Adam 16. Poor son of a bitch. And this guy is going to have a baby. The guy you cheated with, the guy you like, he's going to have a baby with some other girl. How old is she? Is this his girlfriend?

21:15 Guest They broke up. They used to be together, but they broke up.

21:17 Drew How do you know they broke up?

21:19 Guest Because he told me.

21:21 Adam Well, hold still. And we broke up. Yeah. Okay. So they broke up. And how far along is she?

21:31 Guest Well, she's going to have her baby, I think, the 1st of October.

21:34 Drew You don't know if they broke up or not.

21:35 Adam So she's eight months or whatever? All right. Let's see.

21:42 Drew If she's not white-tressed.

21:43 Adam Did we figure out how old she was?

21:44 Drew This girl?

21:45 Guest She's 18.

21:46 Adam She's 18. All right. Let's see. Did you guys use protection when he had sex?

21:52 Guest Oh, no, no, no, no. We haven't done that yet.

21:54 Adam What did you do?

21:55 Guest We've done a lot of other stuff, like pretty much everything else, but not that.

21:59 Adam Little oral sex?

22:00 Guest Yeah.

22:01 Adam Yeah. And where was your boyfriend during this?

22:05 Caller He was at home.

22:07 Adam I see.

22:07 Drew That laugh. It's a symbolical.

22:09 Adam I've said it before. I'd rather they've gotten it on than oral sex. If someone's going to cheat on me.

22:15 Drew Yeah.

22:16 Adam Attention, everyone out there plans on cheating on me in the future. Don't just give the guy a BJ. Go for it. Because I'd rather hear that it was, that you were amazingly compelled sexually to this person, or biblically, or this was going to be your future husband, or whatever it was. Rather than you giving him a BJ, to me is just like, hey, screw you. You know what I'm saying? Maybe that's not the way she felt it, but Anderson, wouldn't you rather your girlfriend just have sex if she's going to cheat, than hear about giving a guy a BJ?

22:53 Caller I know what you're saying, but no.

22:55 Drew Yeah, the whole thing's so over the top.

22:56 Adam Well, listen, it's all bad. It's all bad.

22:58 Caller Well, I want to want him like, pining over her and thinking of her sexually even more so, and just needing that extra hurdle. You know what I mean?

23:05 Adam All right, so you'd go just BJ.

23:08 Caller Yeah.

23:09 Adam But wouldn't you rather her just had sex with the guy and say, listen, I'm in love with the guy. I've loved him for two years. I'm sorry. I had sex with him.

23:18 Drew As opposed to, I just want to make him happy.

23:20 Adam I had too many wine coolers and the fan broke down.

23:25 Caller If you really, really like her, you don't want her to seem cheap.

23:28 Adam Right. All right. Let's see. Let's get back to Jamie. Jamie?

23:31 Guest Yeah?

23:31 Drew Well, Jamie, you got to break up with your boyfriend first and foremost.

23:34 Guest Well, I know. I didn't give the other guy a blowjob.

23:36 Caller He was the one who helped me out.

23:38 Drew Jamie?

23:38 Adam He went down on you?

23:39 Guest Yes.

23:40 Adam Well, that's just helping the guy out.

23:43 Drew Yeah.

23:44 Adam Nothing wrong with that.

23:45 Drew You got to break up with your boyfriend.

23:47 Guest I got to break up with him?

23:48 Drew You've got to break up with him.

23:49 Adam You're not into him.

23:50 Guest Well, no. I know that. I was going to do that, but I don't know if I should go for this other guy.

23:54 Drew Don't worry about that yet. Break up with your boyfriend. This other guy's a world class idiot. I guarantee you'll see that. He is a world class dick.

24:02 Adam Wait till he gets you pregnant. He probably had a sperm in his mouth when he went down on you and tried to put it in you. I've done that before. Big mouthful. I call it a Dutch transfer. It's known in gay circles, the Dutch transfer. You get a mouthful of some strange guy semen, and then you offer to go down a little bit. It's how the gay guys knock up the straight checks. Because they don't want to touch them with the cootie factor and everything. All right, Jamie. I'm telling you, this guy is going to get you pregnant. So A, break up with your boyfriend, and then B, wear a condom or have this guy wear a condom, get on birth control, whatever it is.

24:49 Drew See how you feel about this guy once you're actually broken up with your boyfriend.

24:53 Adam Tiana?

24:53 Drew He's an idiot.

24:55 Adam Tiana, you're 19.

24:56 Caller What's up? Okay. I am like totally obsessed with my boyfriend, like looking at other people. It's like to the point where I'm under depression. It's really bad.

25:14 Adam What has he done? Has he ever done anything?

25:15 Caller He's never done anything. That's the thing.

25:18 Drew Have you ever lost someone that you're very attached to?

25:21 Caller I've been cheated on with every boyfriend.

25:25 Drew What made you pick such a-holes in the past?

25:28 Caller Excuse me?

25:28 Drew What's made you pick such idiots in the past?

25:30 Caller Oh, God. I don't know.

25:32 Drew Did your dad cheat on you? Did your dad cheat on your mom?

25:36 Caller Yeah.

25:36 Drew Magic.

25:37 Adam Shocking.

25:38 Drew And here's the deal, Tiana. You are more flipped out about this guy not cheating than anything else.

25:45 Caller Exactly. It's really bad.

25:47 Drew Do you understand that you can't tolerate the fact that he isn't a cheater? You are going to make him cheat, because that's what you need for men. Yeah. That's what dad did. You picked only cheaters before and finally you picked a good one and you are going to screw this up.

26:01 Adam Well, how do you know she didn't pick another cheater?

26:04 Caller Excuse me?

26:04 Adam How long have you guys been together?

26:06 Caller We have been together since, we have been living together since last year in March.

26:10 Drew And he has never cheated?

26:12 Caller No, he has not.

26:12 Drew No, that's why she is so freaked out.

26:13 Caller He is such a wonderful person.

26:15 Adam No, he is a good guy, you can't handle it. He is too good. You got to break this thing up.

26:21 Drew You got to ruin it, Tiana, you are on your way.

26:22 Adam You are the chaos queen, you got to have chaos.

26:24 Drew Well, you got to have the cheating male because that is what dad did. You got to have that guy to fix him.

26:28 Adam Yeah, but that is just another form of chaos.

26:30 Caller Yeah. How do I deal with this? I mean, it has gotten so far as I want to see a psychiatrist.

26:38 Drew That is a reasonable impulse.

26:39 Adam Go right ahead.

26:40 Drew Yeah, you need a therapist. Well, a psychiatrist wouldn't hurt because you are depressed.

26:43 Adam She doesn't know the difference.

26:44 Drew Yeah.

26:45 Adam You know the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?

26:48 Caller Not really.

26:49 Adam All right. So you probably need a psychologist.

26:52 Caller Okay.

26:52 Adam A psychiatrist prescribes drugs.

26:54 Drew You need somebody to talk to.

26:55 Caller Okay.

26:56 Drew You need to restructure who you are in relation to men.

27:01 Caller That's what I tell him. I mean, it's like I just want to leave sometimes.

27:05 Drew Of course you do because you can't handle. Yeah, he's too good a guy. You feel too close. You got to screw it up.

27:12 Adam Look on the bright side. Maybe he'll get drunk and beat you.

27:15 Drew Or screw around with somebody.

27:17 Adam Yeah.

27:18 Drew No, you've got to before. This may be your one chance at something good. You got to go after it. Really?

27:24 Adam It is. I don't know why this just popped into my head, but I was driving home. I think it was like two weeks ago from this show. It was a Sunday night and I was listening to Dr. Laura on the radio and a woman called in. I just thought, wow, how many million miles away could you get from this show? I'm listening to Dr. Laura. I love listening to talk radio, by the way, when I drive. Even shows I don't like, I enjoy listening to. I listen to religious shows and I'm an atheist. I'll listen to anything. It's bizarre, but anyway, I'm listening to Dr. Laura and this woman calls in and she's like Fran 46 and she says, I got a problem, Dr. Laura. I'm pretty upset, so bear with me. My husband was out of town on a business trip recently, and with some associates, with some partners, some people, other businessmen from out of town, and they, they went into a hooters, you know, with the short shorts and the sports tops. And they drank some beers. And now my husband was guilty about it. He's very guilty, felt bad. He called from the airport the next morning when he came back in town. And I'm having a little difficulty dealing with this. And I'm trying to forgive him. And I'm thinking to myself, holy Christ, honey, your husband got dragged into a goddamn hooters in Toronto with a couple of buddies and drank half a pitcher of Bud Light and then went back to the motel and whacked off, you know, and was so guilty, he confessed going to a hooters. You know, he's probably there about 745 in the evening, probably watching a hockey game on a big screen or something.

29:22 Drew First of all, he knows what a pain in the ass she is.

29:24 Adam Oh my god.

29:26 Drew Secondly, just translate, what did he actually do? That's the part that I got to go through.

29:31 Adam I don't know, and I'm not, you know, it's like, why confess to the hooters, by the way?

29:35 Drew Because there's another layer.

29:38 Adam Honey, I found a side of ranch in your suitcase, and I want to know where that came from. You smell of buffalo chicken wings. Oh, my goodness. So Laura was like, Laura was like, okay, calm down, let's get it together. And I'm like yelling at the radio. I'm yelling, honey, just shut up and give it, you know, Jesus Christ, get out of the house. Laura's like, it's an offense, but it's not a tan, you know, it's not cheating, let's not get too carried away. And I'm just like screaming at the radio. Shut up, shut up. What are you talking about? The guy went to Hooters. Oh my God. And you know what I always think is funny too? I'm picturing the husband, picture the husband. Guy probably sells shower curtains or something, or vinyl siding, linoleum flooring or something like that. You know, the guy, the guy wears the button up short sleeve shirt with the wide tie, still sporting the pork chop sideburns he had his June. His first year of junior college in 1974, probably 65 pounds overweight and going a little bald, but kind of reddish hair, he does a little comb over. And the thing that's funny is the woman, his wife, she thinks those hooter, there's nothing, there's nothing those coked up 23 year old hooters chicks would like more than to get their stinking little grubby paws onto their 235 pound, 47 year old husband with the bad red hair comb over. You know what I mean? That's the other delusional thing. I know you married him. You married him. And in women and men, please keep this in mind, you married him. But get outside of that for a minute and take a good look and realize if you weren't stupid enough to hook up with this person, do you think some 23 year old chick over there is trying to hook up with your fat husband who is selling carpet? You know what I mean?

31:50 Are you hot daddy?

31:54 Adam He went to a hooters. Can you imagine that as a prom on our show? We'll be right back.

31:59 Drew Why do you listen to that crap?

32:00 Adam I can't help it because I go nuts and that's what I like. We'll be back. Deep Love Line, I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Just having a little political discussion with Dr. Drew during the break here.

32:52 Drew That's for political slash radio.

32:54 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's not enough of this in this world where people just yell at people.

33:04 Drew Not yell, but affirm with. Let's call it that.

33:06 Adam All right, I was listening to the radio again this morning and listen to all this hubbub about Bush calling some reporter an a-hole. Have you guys been hearing this story? Some guy's been writing crappy articles about the guy for the last five years, so he calls the guy an asshole.

33:23 Drew Asshole.

33:24 Adam And he doesn't know the mic is on, and now all the Democrats are freaking out. And listen, I'm not a Democrat and I'm not a Republican. I really don't care. They both make a few valid points, not too many. But here's the deal. I'm listening to the radio all day today, and as all these Democrats calling for Bush's head. And let's be realistic. If this was a Democrat that called someone in a hole, you wouldn't pick up the phone. And furthermore, it's nothing. And the hosts of these shows have to start yelling at these people. You call someone in a hole who writes bad articles about you. What does that mean? It means nothing.

33:57 Drew It's a guy in a hole.

33:58 Adam Maybe the guy's in a hole. I like a candidate who can call someone in a hole. My only problem with any of the candidates when they make these kind of blunders and slip ups, and they're bound to now because there's a microphone up everyone's hookahs and there's a camera on every corner, hey, just cop to it and tell everyone to shut the F up.

34:18 Drew Right.

34:19 Adam I mean, my response to that would be A, the guy's in a hole. I stand behind it. B, like none of you jackoffs ever called anyone a hole. And C, what's the next question? He looks like more of an idiot when he apologizes. Is that what you want? You leave a microphone on, you call a guy in a hole, he gets busted. How sincere you figure that apology is.

34:43 Drew Right.

34:44 Adam And this goes to me goes back to Clinton with his didn't inhale. A guy lost way more points for that answer.

34:52 Let me say to the people of America and the nations of the world that I hate your ass. I swear to God I do. See.

34:59 Adam You shouldn't have left the mic on. Joanna.

35:02 Caller Hello.

35:03 Adam You're who is that Darryl Hammond when he was in here? I love that guy. Very troubled soul.

35:10 Drew He didn't tell us about his stay in solitary confinement.

35:13 Adam Well, he told us last time. Joanna, you're 15.

35:15 Caller What's up?

35:16 Caller Nothing.

35:17 Adam All right.

35:18 Caller I just have a problem with giving all my guy friends oral sex.

35:22 Adam Oh, yeah. How many?

35:25 Caller It's about five or six.

35:26 Drew Why? Why?

35:28 Caller Why?

35:31 Drew Is that a shocking question for you?

35:32 Adam Let's do a little Loveline recreation.

35:35 Drew Okay.

35:35 Adam You ready?

35:35 Drew Yeah.

35:36 Adam I have this problem with giving all my guy friends oral sex.

35:38 Drew Why?

35:39 Adam Huh?

35:39 Drew Why?

35:40 Adam What?

35:41 Drew Why?

35:41 Adam I don't know. Then we won't recreate this part, but a good 10 seconds of silence after that.

35:48 Drew Oh.

35:50 Adam All right. Well, now that we got to the bottom of that, why do you think you're doing it? Huh?

35:55 Caller I don't know. They just ask and I'm like, okay.

35:58 Adam Wow. Where were you when I was in high school?

36:01 Caller I have no idea, but you're kind of hot.

36:03 Adam Oh, really? Yeah. How about a little?

36:06 Drew When you were in high school, her mom was 15.

36:08 Adam Oh, you scare me. Yeah, but she was pregnant with Joanna at the time. Hey, where's your dad?

36:17 Caller Somewhere in Pico Rivera.

36:18 Adam Somewhere in Pico Rivera?

36:20 Caller Yeah.

36:20 Adam You don't know where he is?

36:21 Caller No, yeah, I do, but I don't talk to him. I hate him.

36:23 Adam Yeah, you hate him. Good. So you're doing a fine job of repaying all males with oral sex, by the way.

36:29 Caller Okay, thank you.

36:30 Adam Yeah, that's wonderful. I love that. You know, it's great. And I know, Drew, you have the answer to this, but the more women hate men, the more they put out. God bless them. Unless they go way over the top and just become lesbians.

36:44 Drew It's about a power issue.

36:45 Adam Right. You hate daddy and now every penis is daddy.

36:49 Drew What I hate about him is that I couldn't be in control of that connection I had with him and he disconnected and ruptured that and now I hate him and I hate other men, but I need to try to control that again.

36:58 Adam Let's not freak around. Hey, Joanna.

37:01 Drew Is there manic depression in your family anywhere?

37:03 Caller Is there what?

37:04 Drew Manic depression.

37:05 Caller Not that I know of, no.

37:08 Adam Okay.

37:08 Drew She sounds a little manic.

37:10 Adam Alright. Joanna, you don't feel real good about yourself for this, right?

37:14 Caller No.

37:15 Adam Alright. So why don't you just stop? Okay. How often do you do it with these guys?

37:20 Caller Well, because they spend the night.

37:22 Adam They do?

37:23 Caller Yeah.

37:24 Adam Yeah. Where's your mom?

37:26 Caller In her room.

37:27 Drew When they spend the night, where is she?

37:29 Caller In her room.

37:30 Drew She leaves you out there with these guys?

37:32 Caller Yeah. She lets them sleep in my room.

37:34 Adam She doesn't care?

37:35 Caller No.

37:35 Drew How old is she?

37:36 Caller 43.

37:38 Adam 43. You have any older brothers or sisters?

37:41 Caller I have an older sister.

37:42 Adam How old is she? 41?

37:44 Caller No, she's 23.

37:48 Adam Oh, 23. Yeah. That's a little more like it. How many kids she have? 17?

37:54 Caller My sister?

37:55 Adam Yeah.

37:55 Caller Yeah, right.

37:56 Caller She's like still a virgin.

37:58 Caller Really?

37:59 Adam Oh, good. She went the other way. Lesbian. Good times. Hey, Joanna.

38:04 Caller Yeah.

38:04 Adam Listen, you don't feel good about this, right?

38:06 Caller No.

38:06 Adam All right. You're going to get some kind of disease. The guys, you know, they're not showing you respect. Just knock it off. OK. Can't you get on the volleyball team or something and feel good about yourself?

38:20 Drew Sure, I guess.

38:21 Adam Hey, I just had an interesting thought. Women's sports are bigger than ever.

38:27 Drew Yeah.

38:27 Adam I mean, they're crazy big.

38:28 Drew Yeah.

38:29 Adam Crazy big.

38:30 Drew Right.

38:30 Adam Now, I mean, in the last year, right? I mean, they've always been around, but I mean, how many commercials, how many sports? OK, here's a good question. Sports commercials, whether it was Gatorade or Nike or whatever the hell it was, up until about a year or two ago, were exclusively male domain.

38:50 Drew Except for tennis always and stuff.

38:52 Adam Once in a blue moon, you'd see Martina Negrilova pitching for Buick or something like that. But I mean, predominantly, predominantly 98 percent male.

39:03 Drew Right?

39:04 Adam Now, turn on the TV and watch these Nike or Reebok or Gatorade commercials. They got a lot of chicks running around in there.

39:13 Drew They've expanded their market.

39:14 Adam Here's my point. Chicks, you screwed up chicks with no dads, you now have something to do. No excuse for all this oral sex at 15.

39:22 Drew So you can keep-

39:23 Adam Go do something.

39:23 Drew You can start giving the advice that you've given to all the young males that don't have dads to the young females.

39:29 Adam Right. Go out and play sports.

39:31 Drew Go play football.

39:31 Adam Go do something.

39:32 Drew Go to your friend's house.

39:33 Adam Yeah. Seriously. Go right ahead. You women can go do it now. Why? I'm dead serious about this. Go sign up for whatever Reebok or Nike is telling you to do. Make sure and complain when you turn pro about not getting paid as much as the males. That's the Nike angle. Chicken assers. I swear I got to say this. It drives me insane. I know I brought it up, but it drives me insane. All those Nike commercials with the chicks talking about why they don't get paid as much as men when they sweat as much, when they work as hard. Come on, Nike, where's your endorsements? How much you paying them? I'd love to get the answer to that. You lying bastards. You hypocrites. How dare you? How much you paying? How much you paying those bitches in the WNBA, Nike? Show me that shoe contract. You got one over 35 grand? Show it to me. And if not, shut the F up. Drive me insane making commercials with chicks bitching about not getting paid anything. Nike, pony it up. They're not getting paid enough? You pay them. Go right ahead. Give the chick in the WNBA, give her a $5 million shoe contract, just like you gave Michael Jordan. Give it to her. She's not getting paid enough? Rectify it.

40:52 Caller Or shut up.

40:56 Adam Idiots. Come on, I wanna know. I wanna know. Guarantee they're not paying those chicks squat. You pay them.

41:05 Caller I told you before, nine o'clock.

41:07 Adam Let's listen in.

41:08 I'm not gonna tolerate this disobedience, I'm not gonna make you hang up.

41:11 Hello?

41:11 Drew John?

41:13 Yeah.

41:13 Drew Now you can't tell us what your question is, can you?

41:16 No, I can.

41:17 Drew Okay.

41:17 Adam Your mom's not gonna tolerate this disobedience?

41:20 It's cause I'm on the phone now.

41:21 Drew Oh, that's good. Do you have any pot or acid on you or anything?

41:23 Adam Where are you calling from?

41:26 I'm in Phoenix, Arizona.

41:27 Caller Wow.

41:28 Yeah.

41:29 Adam What is it, an hour difference there?

41:30 Drew Yeah.

41:31 It's like 10.30 right now.

41:32 Drew Yeah.

41:33 Adam Wait a minute.

41:33 Drew Well, same, same. Two signs an hour later.

41:35 Adam Oh, okay. Well, listen, it's not late, you're 16.

41:37 Caller I know.

41:38 Adam Let me tell your mom to lighten up.

41:40 Caller I don't think I'm gonna tell her that, she'll hit me.

41:42 Adam Really?

41:43 Drew She hits you?

41:43 Caller Yeah, a lot.

41:44 Drew You're 16?

41:45 Caller Yeah.

41:46 Adam What's her nationality?

41:48 Caller I think she's Russian.

41:49 Adam Yeah.

41:50 Caller Well, you can't really tell.

41:51 Adam Okay.

41:53 Caller What? I'm sorry I missed your birthday, Drew. I tried calling yesterday, but I couldn't get through.

41:58 Adam Well, thanks, John.

41:59 Drew Thanks for the thought.

41:59 Caller I know it probably doesn't really matter, you know, because random callers and stuff, but.

42:02 Drew No, I appreciate your thought.

42:04 Caller But, yeah, about the acid. I heard it can permanently change you emotionally and stuff.

42:10 Drew Oh, yeah.

42:11 Caller Personality.

42:11 Drew Yes, it can.

42:13 Caller Well, how much does it take?

42:14 Drew Hard to know. In my experience, it's usually people that either have one very big exposure. Oh, that's changing my personality, just listening to that yelling.

42:25 Adam Hey, John.

42:26 Caller Yeah.

42:26 Adam Tell your mom she's going to turn you gay if she keeps beating on you this way. It's true. It happens all the time.

42:32 Drew You know, it's not legal for her to do this to you.

42:34 Adam What?

42:34 Drew You can you can defend yourself.

42:36 Adam It's 16. You should be able to handle yourself.

42:38 Drew That's the point.

42:39 Adam Well, I mean, with a good with a good counterpunch to the solar plexus. Hey, John.

42:45 Drew Yeah.

42:46 Adam Where's your dad? He's where?

42:49 Caller He's like it's a town a few miles away. It's like 30 minute drive.

42:52 Adam Oh, yeah. He's no dummy.

42:53 Caller I haven't seen him in like four four years. Why?

42:56 Adam 30 miles doesn't sound far enough.

42:57 Drew See an alcoholic?

42:59 Caller Kind of. Yeah.

43:00 Adam Yeah. Oh, boy.

43:01 Drew And what's your mom do?

43:02 Adam She have a little nip once in a while?

43:05 Caller No, actually, like she spoke puppet. She went like three years ago.

43:08 Adam You got to get her back on the weed, brother.

43:12 Drew Yeah, it was worse then.

43:13 Adam Oh, really? I'd be baking it right into her food. I really would.

43:18 Drew Again, usually it's more than 10. In my experience, at least 10 exposures that people start to get the personality changes and the permanent problems. Well, how many times have you used it?

43:28 Caller Twice.

43:29 Drew You should be okay at this point.

43:30 Adam Hey, John.

43:30 Caller It was the same day.

43:32 Adam Twice. Hey, John.

43:34 Caller Yeah?

43:34 Adam All right. You're going to be fine.

43:36 Caller All right.

43:36 Adam But listen to me, brother. You sound like a pretty decent kid. I like when I call a guy's brother. It makes me sound like a pro wrestler. Listen, brother. You need to not do any more acid, work on your grades a little, and get the hell out of Arizona. You know what I'm saying?

43:53 Caller Yeah.

43:54 Drew A little Al-Anon might help you out a little bit, too, if you want to do some.

43:56 Caller My grades are fine. I have like A's and B's.

43:58 Adam Yeah. I can tell you're an intelligent guy. Go to Cal Berkeley or something. Go away to college. You understand?

44:06 Caller Yeah.

44:07 Adam It'll be a whole new life. You get away from that battle ax who's stomping around the house like a pit bull.

44:13 Caller I'm afraid to leave the house, though. She threatens she'll kill herself and stuff.

44:16 Drew No. You got to go to some Al-Anon. You got to get some help, John. You're not responsible for your parents' emotional lives.

44:22 Adam What does she do?

44:22 Caller That's what I tell her.

44:23 Adam What does she do for a living?

44:25 Caller She used to be a cook, but then she quit that and was a painter with my uncle. Then she was a nanny for a year, and now she's working for Schwans, like delivery.

44:33 Adam Schwans? Oh, I know. That huge national food chain?

44:38 Caller Yeah.

44:39 Adam Schwans. Yeah, there's one on every corner. I swung by the Schwans, picked up a loaf of bread and a quart of milk on the way in. Ann's nodding over there. She said she picked up some formula over at Schwans.

44:49 Drew And diapers.

44:49 Adam And diapers. Hey, John?

44:51 Caller Yeah?

44:51 Adam What the hell is Schwans?

44:54 Caller They deliver like frozen food. It's a big truck thing.

44:58 Adam She drives a truck?

44:59 Caller Yeah.

45:00 Adam She paints?

45:01 Caller Huh?

45:01 Adam What's she work in, oil or acrylic? She paints houses, right?

45:05 Caller I don't think so.

45:06 Adam Okay. John?

45:08 Caller Yeah?

45:09 Adam Get involved with sports, get involved with school, get involved with every activity that doesn't involve being in the house.

45:14 Drew Think about Alan on.

45:15 Adam And stay out of your mom's crosshairs, okay?

45:17 Drew Alateen, Alateen.

45:19 Adam And then go far off to college. Okay?

45:22 Drew We agree on that one.

45:23 Adam Go to college in like, go to like Nova Scotia State.

45:26 Drew You know, it doesn't matter where you go. In the Southwest, if he goes anywhere, he goes to Nevada, UNLV, or goes to anywhere. Oklahoma. Just head somewhere.

45:34 Adam I'm picturing this poor son of a bitch.

45:36 Drew Arkansas.

45:37 Adam Living in that dump Arizona. It's 175 degrees. You got like a Gila monster in your living room during the summer. You got that mom like, I'm picturing her like a troll. You know what I mean? Like walking like whiter than she is tall, like walking around. Hair growing out everywhere.

45:53 Drew Remember in Pee-wee?

45:54 Adam I'm picturing her with like her teeth, her lower set of teeth sticking out above her upper lip. You know what I'm talking about?

46:02 Drew Remember Marge, the truck driver in Pee-wee's big time.

46:04 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm picturing. All right, buddy. We'll be back.

46:10 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

46:39 Adam Yep, this is Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Well, buckle up, everybody, because Drew and I both have a head of steam tonight.

46:49 Drew Yeah.

46:50 Adam I don't know why.

46:51 Drew I'm just glad to be able to take a deep breath in here and not gag.

46:56 Adam I had some of the greatest gas...

46:59 Drew In captivity.

46:59 Adam In captivity.

47:00 Drew In captivity, yes.

47:02 Adam Yeah.

47:02 Drew Yeah.

47:03 Adam I was talking to Anderson about it before the show. As I've stated before, Anderson can not stand gas, which makes it hysterical when I fart in front of him. But he was, he had a few theories as to why I love the gas so much. He thought it was like, you know, Corolla family sort of sideline or something. It was a...

47:27 Drew You're non-smeller, though.

47:28 Adam It's a, you know, he thought maybe my dad was into it.

47:31 Caller Yeah.

47:32 Adam Maybe my dad did it around me.

47:34 Drew No, it was you and your whack job friends.

47:36 Adam Yeah.

47:36 Caller Yeah.

47:37 Adam I don't remember my dad breaking wind ever in front of me. Here's the deal, it's like a gene. I guess it's like having a musical ear or something.

47:48 Drew It's a talent.

47:51 Adam I like to think of it as that. No. Okay. Why do some people who are not brought up in a musical family have a love of music? For instance, or a love of anything, dogs or gardening.

48:08 Caller A hatred for their family?

48:10 Adam Oh, you're thinking it's a... Yeah. But my family never said don't break wind. I mean, they never cared.

48:15 Drew Some of it though is you could not love music unless you were reared in a culture where you're exposed to sufficient amounts to develop that appreciation. So things like brewing and throwing stool at each other, all those things were very important parts of your development. The culture in which you were coming of age in terms of your appreciation and flatulence.

48:38 Adam Yeah. I mean, I remember being in the seventh grade and breaking wind into a sparklets bottle that my friend Chris Boehm had. One of the sparklets bottles was half full with nickels and pennies, save up and buy a new futon or something when he was 45.

48:55 Drew You thought you were king then? Yeah.

48:57 Adam Broke wind right into that sparklets bottle, capped it off and doing experiments, seeing if it had smells in it.

49:03 Drew All I know is that when my sons turned six, they became, their primate origins began to expose themselves.

49:11 Adam They start breaking a lot of wind.

49:12 Drew And the whole notion of things coming out of their rear end became incredibly amusing. And hyenas, jaggles, laughing all the time. And I think some men never outgrow that.

49:24 Adam No, no.

49:25 Drew And all of us male have some piece of that left behind.

49:27 Adam Well, I thought it was funny.

49:29 Drew And it's a constant source of embarrassment.

49:32 Adam Before we get back to phones, let me just say one more thing about gas. I conducted a sort of unintentional experiment.

49:40 Drew Ad-hoc survey.

49:41 Adam Last night, not last night, but yesterday during the day. I, what are you laughing already? I was standing on a ladder, all right? I'm always constantly trying to figure out what direction gas goes in, up or down. And here's a safety tip. And Anderson, you may want to listen to this because this could keep you out of harm's way next time someone breaks wind.

50:01 Drew Bad gas goes down.

50:03 Adam No, no, no.

50:04 Drew Bad.

50:04 Adam Okay, listen to me. I was standing, and you explain this. I was standing on an A-frame ladder, an eight-foot-high ladder, and I was probably standing up about six foot, and my ass was probably about ten feet off the ground. Okay? And I was putting siding on the side of my garage, and I broke a good one. I let a good one fly. And my buddy Ray was standing under the ladder, and his head was probably about up to where my calf is or knee, right?

50:33 Drew He didn't get it?

50:34 Adam And I said, Oh, Ray, hang tight, because something's going to be coming down your way in just a minute. And he, because he's a loyal friend, he hung there. And he hung, and he hung. And I said, nothing, because it's pretty bad up here. And he said, no, nothing. So.

50:49 Drew Lighter than air.

50:50 Adam Yes, it rises. That was my, I've conducted an experiment like Newton. It was great. What else could it be? Because if it was bad where I was up on the ladder, and he was standing directly beneath me, and my, my, my ass was facing him, he should have got it, right?

51:06 Drew Yeah.

51:07 Adam And he, he, he let me know. Sylvia?

51:09 Drew Yes.

51:10 Adam 21.

51:11 Drew And by the way, Sylvia, excuse me, Sylvia, Ray was there when you were conducting those experiments when you guys were seven too, of course.

51:17 Adam Yeah, maybe about nine. Sylvia?

51:19 Drew Yeah.

51:19 Adam Yeah. Ray's the guy, by the way, who returned my Ram's Beanie with a big dookie in it when he was, when he was in the fifth grade. Yeah. He borrowed my Ram's Beanie. You know, it was a beanie. It was like the one the Grinch wears. You know, it was like one of those ones, those football ones with the yarn ball on the end of it. It was about two feet long. He handed back to me like it was a baggie. I said, what the hell's going on here? I opened it up. He took a dump in it. Think about that. He was probably in the seventh grade.

51:49 Drew Twelve. I have a twelve-year-old incarcerated that did that.

51:54 Adam Sylvia?

51:55 Yeah.

51:56 Adam Hey, I admit it's pretty funny. What's up there?

52:01 Well, I was with this guy about two days ago. Up until that point, I still believe that I'm a virgin, but I'm not sure. He kind of... I think as far as he got in, and to me, it was the tip of his penis. But I'm not sure, and I asked him how far he got in, and he said he wasn't sure.

52:23 Adam That must have been a great convo... The sex must have been incredible.

52:26 Well, there was nothing, really.

52:28 Adam I see.

52:29 Drew Did he ejaculate?

52:30 I wasn't prepared for it, and I told him that I wasn't going to.

52:33 Drew Did he ejaculate?

52:36 I don't know. I know he pre-came, but that was before. He was outside. He was not in.

52:44 Adam This sounds like I'm just hearing violins when I'm looking at a candelabra in the distance. This sounds like a beautiful night of love making. He pre-came. I asked him how far he got in. He wasn't sure. Then he tripped over and knocked a halogen light over and caught the curtains on fire. Hey, Sylvia? Yeah. It's just how you dreamt it would be, right?

53:10 Oh, yeah. Perfect.

53:12 Adam Yeah.

53:12 Drew So what's the question?

53:13 So there was no blood. Actually, I went to the bathroom and there was just a couple of bloods.

53:20 Drew You're 21. You shouldn't have any bleeding at that point.

53:24 Adam Why are you still a virgin at 21?

53:25 Why? I haven't met that person who I want to really be with.

53:31 Adam All right. Hold on a second, Sylvia.

53:32 Okay.

53:32 Adam Now we got to take a quick break. There's something going on with her. I can't quite figure it out yet, but 21 Virgin Precum got in. Oh, boy. We'll be back after this.

53:47 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

54:32 Adam Hey, Loveline and Adam Corolla. Is that Drew over there or phone number? 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right. Where were we?

54:40 Drew We're burning through some calls, right?

54:41 Adam That's right. We're going to burn through some calls.

54:43 Drew Sylvia.

54:44 Yeah.

54:44 Drew So you had sex for the first time.

54:46 No, I didn't.

54:47 Adam Right.

54:47 He's about to, but-

54:49 Caller Wait, wait.

54:50 Drew He put his penis inside your vagina.

54:51 Caller No.

54:52 Drew He didn't do that.

54:53 He put the tip. He was about to put his-

54:56 Drew He put the tip inside your vagina. Okay. That's enough to get pregnant.

55:00 Adam That's it.

55:01 Drew That's enough.

55:01 Adam Let me tell you something. Your vagina is an end zone and that tip is a football.

55:05 Drew It's-

55:05 Adam You understand? You break the plane and the hump, the ref holds his hands over his head. Touchdown. Even if you get knocked back to the two yard line, still a touchdown.

55:15 Drew Right.

55:15 Adam Broke the plane.

55:17 Drew It's like those- Didn't Star Trek have those prisons?

55:20 Adam He's going for two.

55:21 Drew Prison walls.

55:22 Adam Yeah.

55:22 Drew They'd be like force fields.

55:24 Adam Here you go. Let me tell you, the funniest thing about Star Trek is not them traveling through time or Klingons or any of that. It's the way those pocket doors work so effortlessly. You see the way those things work? Yeah. Go to your mom's house. Try to use their pocket door. See how far you get it without the thing jamming up in the carpet or getting stuck somewhere. The handle snapping off in your hand. Sylvia?

55:46 Yeah.

55:47 Adam All right. You're not a virgin anymore.

55:52 Am I not supposed to bleed in?

55:54 Drew Correct. At 21, you probably wouldn't bleed.

55:56 And my husband's not, it's not intact?

55:59 Adam No, it's long gone.

56:00 Drew Probably not there anymore.

56:01 Adam It went out with Kool-Aids in the 70s, baby.

56:04 Guest Okay.

56:05 So how late can I take that after a morning pill or whatever you call it?

56:12 Drew 72 hours.

56:13 72?

56:14 Drew Yeah.

56:14 So I can still take it now?

56:15 Drew Yeah, you should take it.

56:16 Okay.

56:17 Drew Definitely do it. If it's pre-com and the penis gets near your vagina, it is worth doing.

56:22 Adam Are you a religious person?

56:23 Yeah.

56:24 Adam All right.

56:24 Well, my dad is and I have been, but now I'm trying to break out of that mold. All right.

56:30 Adam Well, good luck embracing Satan in your new lifestyle.

56:34 Drew Just make sure you take care of yourself. That's all.

56:36 Adam All right.

56:36 Drew Okay.

56:37 Adam Thank you. All right. You got to get hip now, Sylvia. 21 years old, you're having sex, the guy's leaking.

56:45 Drew They were romantic. Mary.

56:47 Adam Angela.

56:48 Drew Yeah.

56:48 Adam You're 17? What's up?

56:50 Caller Okay. So not too long ago, I had sex for the first time, like our friend Sylvia.

56:54 Adam Yeah.

56:55 Caller But it was actually sex. And...

56:57 Ooh.

56:59 Adam See, women have those claws.

57:01 Caller No.

57:01 Adam Yeah. All right.

57:02 Caller Anyways, it was his first time also. Some of them very close to, like, didn't get it for, like, a long time. And it was both our first time, but we had been drinking that night. And we had sex for a really long time, for about, like, an hour, and he never came.

57:14 Adam Yeah. First time, an hour, huh?

57:16 Caller Yeah. It was pretty wild.

57:17 Adam Nice.

57:19 Caller Yeah.

57:20 Adam And did you enjoy it?

57:21 Caller Oh, sure.

57:22 Adam Wow.

57:22 Drew Really?

57:23 Caller Yeah.

57:23 Adam Drew refuses to believe that.

57:25 Drew On the first time?

57:26 Caller You know, I didn't think it was like that either, but I think since it was just so spontaneous.

57:30 Adam Well, yeah.

57:30 Drew Wait, wait.

57:31 Caller It wasn't like, you know, the big buildup. It just happened.

57:33 Drew So it was good. It was enjoyable.

57:34 Adam Well, this is a guy you'd been with for a while, right?

57:36 Caller Yeah.

57:36 Adam And you're in love with him?

57:38 Caller Um, I don't know.

57:40 Adam All right.

57:40 Drew Good enough. You're 17. You can make... No, no. All right. Fair enough. So what's the question? Because it took him so long?

57:47 Caller No, it never happened.

57:48 Drew Well, some guys, they have difficulty that way. Uh, is he on medication?

57:52 Caller Uh, not that I know of.

57:53 Drew And some guys, when they're anxious, this happens. And the first time is in many guys. And probably most guys have some sort of dysfunction the first one or two times out.

58:02 Caller Because I figured it might have been because they were drinking, but then...

58:04 Drew That's part of it. But again, again, first time out, most guys have something go wrong.

58:08 Adam All bets are off.

58:09 Drew The two anxious.

58:09 Adam Something, something's not going to go the way you'd like it to go. It could go this way. It could go the other way.

58:16 Drew South, north.

58:17 Adam Which is worse, better. Better he does it this way.

58:21 Drew And you enjoyed it. You like him. At least you may be in love with him. Maybe not. That's fine.

58:26 Adam Don't take it. What's that? That's a whole different story. All right. But keep in mind, if you're a little more attractive, he would have ejaculated.

58:33 Drew Oh, that's that. He's making a point that there's nothing to do with this.

58:38 Adam No, I've seen pictures, Angela.

58:41 Caller I'm sure.

58:44 Adam So why don't you love him?

58:46 Caller Because our relationship is too tumultuous for me to make.

58:51 Drew Why?

58:52 Caller Why? We just have personality clashing issues.

58:56 Drew Such as? Give me an example.

58:57 Caller Such as we can really annoy each other. We like to do different things. I don't know.

59:03 Drew It's a relationship made in heaven already.

59:04 Adam Yeah.

59:05 Caller Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm aware of that. That's why I don't fool myself.

59:07 Drew Why do people want to?

59:08 Adam Wow. Where's your dad?

59:11 Caller At his house.

59:12 Adam Yeah. Your folks got divorced early? Yeah.

59:14 Caller But.

59:15 Adam Then you got a lot of reality injected into your life at an early age?

59:19 Caller Definitely.

59:20 Adam Yeah. You sound like a 17-year-old is a lot of reality.

59:23 Drew Yet she didn't go in a trajectory with it.

59:26 Adam No. She didn't spin out, but she's 17 and she sounds, I thought she was, Jamie Lee Curtis had called the show. I think a woman in her early 40s, it's like, hey, I've loved, when you've loved and lost as many times as I have, you stop getting your hopes up. So she's 17, I'm with this guy, yeah, it's okay. Well, we got our problems, like any young couple. I know that I'm talking to someone where mommy and daddy got divorced when she was five, and they sat her down, had a conversation. Mommy's a royal pain in the ass, and daddy's banging his secretary, and mommy and daddy, now we still love you, but mommy and dad don't love each other. Honey, what's the opposite of love? Yes, they hate each other. When she got a strong dose of reality, as it pertains to relationships. Angela?

1:00:11 Caller Yeah.

1:00:11 Adam Am I right?

1:00:12 Caller Yeah. Well, I mean, I guess.

1:00:14 Adam How old were you when I got divorced?

1:00:15 Caller I was in kindergarten.

1:00:16 Drew Five.

1:00:17 Caller But I mean, I think that's-

1:00:19 Drew Wait, let's pay a little homage to Adam. Yeah.

1:00:20 Adam That's what I love about our listeners. I can say, remember the time I was like, listen, your boyfriend who has that job at the batting cage is not going to mount to anything. She's like, yeah, he's working at Buddy's Badaway. Anyway, and I'm like, honey, I guess your boyfriend had a job at a batting cage?

1:00:37 Drew Yeah. Uh-huh.

1:00:38 Adam Anyway, let's get to my problem.

1:00:40 Drew That was wild. Remember that?

1:00:41 Adam Yeah, it was crazy. But the point is, there was no acknowledgement of all of it.

1:00:45 Drew It's the same thing here.

1:00:46 Adam Well, so I guess she was five. But you know what's great? Yeah, you're five when you're in kindergarten, but she would never say I was five. My parents got divorced, she'd say I was in kindergarten.

1:00:54 Drew Right.

1:00:54 Adam Right.

1:00:55 Drew Wow.

1:00:56 Adam No one say?

1:00:56 Drew Yeah.

1:00:57 Adam Angela?

1:00:57 Drew Yeah.

1:00:58 Adam All right.

1:00:58 Drew So you're five. And parents sit you down and talk to you about it?

1:01:02 Caller No, they just are kind of like decide who you want to live with and it'll be fine with both of us.

1:01:07 Drew Let me say something. To say that to a five-year-old is bizarre.

1:01:13 Adam My answer would be the Easter Bunny.

1:01:15 Drew Yeah. That is positively wild. Like, hey, Angela, who do you want to live with?

1:01:21 Caller Yeah.

1:01:23 Drew Five-year-old. Think about what a five-year-old is, Angela. Think how bizarre that is.

1:01:26 Caller Yeah.

1:01:27 Adam All right. So you're asked to grow up early.

1:01:29 Caller I suppose.

1:01:30 Adam Yeah. You sound like it. Yeah.

1:01:32 Caller Well, it's kind of late, too.

1:01:34 Adam Okay, babe.

1:01:35 Drew No. You didn't say you sounded tired.

1:01:36 Adam You going off to one of those lesbian colleges up north or something?

1:01:40 Caller Actually, not even close.

1:01:41 Drew Where are you from?

1:01:42 Caller I'm from LA.

1:01:43 Adam Where are you going? You going somewhere?

1:01:45 Drew Yeah.

1:01:45 Caller I'm going to Santa Barbara.

1:01:46 Drew Oh.

1:01:47 Adam That's turning into a lesbian college, isn't it?

1:01:49 Drew No.

1:01:50 Adam The gauchos. Come on, gaucho.

1:01:53 Caller Woohoo.

1:01:54 Drew But listen, she's never leaving.

1:01:55 Adam Yeah. You're not leaving. Have fun in Santa Barbara.

1:01:58 Caller I will.

1:01:59 Adam Memorize the streets over there, because you ain't going anywhere. You're never coming back. You put I swear to God, you'll put on a pair of Birkenstocks and some cutoffs and you'll never come back.

1:02:08 Drew You'll set your stereo up outside.

1:02:10 Adam Having every one of my friends who went over there. Their parents threw 50 grand into an education and then they got a job at a surf shop over there. And that was it. Never came back. Never came back.

1:02:25 Drew We met up there and spoke, remember?

1:02:26 Adam Yeah.

1:02:28 Drew We almost didn't come back.

1:02:29 Adam I rode a motorcycle in the rain to Santa Barbara, never stopped raining the entire trip. I got on the freeway in LA and it poured rain all night to stay with my buddy Carl. It was going to school in Santa Barbara. I was so, it was the middle of winter. I rode my motorcycle like an idiot and it was pouring rain the entire time. And at a certain point, I was so freezing, I whizzed my pants. I whizzed, I was so completely soaking wet. And when you're going 70 miles an hour and it's raining hard, why not? The water feels like you're being sandblasted. I mean, it hurts. I mean, it stings when it hits you. I mean, I had a jacket and jeans on and everything.

1:03:13 Drew No helmet?

1:03:14 Adam It hits you in the hands. I had a helmet on but I didn't have like a face mask or whatever. And it was painful. And I was so, and it was the dead of winter.

1:03:22 Drew Why didn't you go 45?

1:03:24 Adam It was on the freeway. There's only one way to get there. You know, you got to get on the 101. And I was freezing and I said, listen, I got a whizz in my pants because I'm freezing. I'm going to die. I mean, I was dying. It was the middle of the winter. I don't know what it wasn't. It probably wasn't raining when I got on the freeway in LA., but I swear to Christ, and by the time I got to Encino, it started raining and it just poured all the way. It was pouring when I got at this guy's doorstep in Isla Vista an hour and 45 minutes later, and it just, it was teeming. And I was a block of ice when I showed up at his house. And I'd whizz in my pants. How many guys, hey, you haven't lived there. You've been going 65 miles an hour on a motorcycle, just letting loose, just right in your pants. It's all over the seat. It was raining so hard, I was so wet. It just wouldn't even make a difference.

1:04:14 Drew That's what you figured, I'm sure.

1:04:17 Adam Michael? Geez, I forgot about that.

1:04:20 Drew No kidding.

1:04:20 Adam It's gotta go in my book. Michael, you're 34, what's up?

1:04:24 Caller Hey, Adam, hey Dr. Drew.

1:04:25 Adam You ever whizz in your pants when you're on your motorcycle?

1:04:28 Caller Yeah, I can't say that I have.

1:04:29 Adam Well, you haven't lived then, brother.

1:04:31 Caller I guess I haven't lived.

1:04:33 Caller Hey, I'm married, been married three years. And I take, I was suffering from depression. And so it was actually quite bad. I had all the classic symptoms, couldn't sleep, wasn't having great sex because I couldn't have erections, no interest in sex. My doctor put me on Effexor, which I strongly recommend. It turned my life around. I'm very happy now. I'm definitely not thinking about killing myself anymore. I'm happy with life, my job, my wife, et cetera. The only issue is as far as sex is concerned.

1:05:05 Adam Yeah, I'm getting that vibe too. How's the gay thing going?

1:05:12 Caller I didn't hear you.

1:05:12 Adam You ever think about guys?

1:05:16 Caller Can't say that I have.

1:05:17 Drew Go ahead. So the Effexor is working and?

1:05:20 Caller So I'm pretty happy with Effexor. As far as the sex is concerned, it's kind of hard to describe, but in essence, it takes a long time to have an orgasm. So I can, but it takes a real long time.

1:05:36 Adam Well, listen, if I was with a guy, it would take me a long time.

1:05:39 Drew That's the Effexor.

1:05:40 Adam You know what I mean?

1:05:41 Caller Yeah. And so I guess most people would think it's pretty cool to be able to last a long time.

1:05:49 Drew No. Most people, when there's sexual dysfunction from these medications, it's a pretty uncool thing. It's usually, and men often associated with decreased desire also. So one of the things they can do, pretty much all the antidepressants have a similar rate of efficacy. It's more in terms of how you select it based on the symptoms and the side effects. And venlafaxine or Effexor is a good one. And sometimes they can add wellbutrin to it as a way of helping with the sexual dysfunction. Some people might add Viagra, but a more effective thing to do if you really are worried about this particular issue in terms of your sexual function.

1:06:28 Adam Add a mustache and a leather vest with no shirt.

1:06:31 Drew Switch to Serizone, Serizone or Remeron.

1:06:35 Caller Yeah, and then come to think of it, my doctor, I'm actually having problems sleeping at night still. The Effexor, it's really great because it stimulates my mind during the day. It makes it easy for me to pay attention to my work. I just generally focus very well.

1:06:49 Adam What drug did you say you're on?

1:06:51 Drew The Effexor.

1:06:51 Adam Shut. What was it again, Michael?

1:06:55 Caller The Effexor XR.

1:06:56 Caller Ooh.

1:06:58 Caller Like I was saying, I can concentrate very well, but that same ability to concentrate makes me stay awake a lot at night.

1:07:04 Adam Well.

1:07:05 Caller So he put me on a-

1:07:07 Adam What do you do for a living? Some sort of design?

1:07:10 Caller No.

1:07:11 Caller I work for a high tech firm.

1:07:13 Adam You do what?

1:07:14 Caller I work for a high tech firm.

1:07:16 Adam Designing things?

1:07:17 Caller No.

1:07:19 Drew He put you on what?

1:07:20 Caller He put me on Trasadone, he put me on Elaville, and now I'm on Remeron. And he said that the Remeron at night would actually mitigate the sexual side effects.

1:07:30 Drew That is true. Then the strange thing about Remeron is the lower doses are associated with the sleep induction.

1:07:38 Adam It wasn't Remeron with the old miner yelled in blazing saddles whenever they were at a rally. You know the guy out in the audience, you're like, Remeron! Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? What was that? He would yell. You guys know what I'm talking about? It's like, you got to watch blazing saddles, old drunk miner around the audience.

1:07:57 Drew With one eye going the other way?

1:07:59 Adam Yeah. He'd be out in the audience and someone be giving a speech up on the podium and he'd all, I think it was Remeron. Jay? Jay?

1:08:10 Drew Sleeping.

1:08:11 Adam He's been on hold for 54 minutes? Maybe he is. Let's see here. We haven't had anyone snore for a while though. That's always my favorite part of the show. Jay? I can hear him breathing.

1:08:25 Drew Yeah. Hear him?

1:08:27 Adam Yeah.

1:08:28 Drew That's him there.

1:08:29 Adam All right.

1:08:30 Drew Jay? There he is.

1:08:39 Adam All right, we'll put them on hold. No greater compliment can be paid to the host of the show. What is it? About one third or am I being too generous? Half the people we come to are sleeping? Hey, listen, if anyone is listening to Loveline in their car, pull over.

1:08:57 Drew Watch out.

1:08:58 Adam I don't want you nodding off and crossing the center line. David?

1:09:02 Yeah?

1:09:02 Adam You're 17?

1:09:03 Caller Yeah, that's right.

1:09:04 Adam What's up?

1:09:04 Caller Okay, first of all, I say Dr. Drew, Adam, you guys are great.

1:09:07 Drew I love you guys.

1:09:08 Adam Thanks.

1:09:09 Caller Thanks. And I've been trying to get through for like three months. But anyways, my question is for Dr. Drew.

1:09:13 Drew Yeah.

1:09:14 Caller And it's about testicular cancer. I have a lump in my right testicle and I don't have one on my left, so I'm afraid I think I might have a particular cancer.

1:09:24 Drew Have you had anybody check it out?

1:09:26 Caller No, I haven't because I'm ashamed to speak to anyone else.

1:09:30 Drew Why?

1:09:31 Caller Well, it's just kind of scary, you know?

1:09:33 Drew Yeah, it's scary. I understand that. Do you have a family doctor?

1:09:36 Caller No, I don't.

1:09:37 Drew I mean, that would be the place to start, just a generalist.

1:09:39 Adam Well, do you have any kind of health plan?

1:09:42 Caller Well, I have medical insurance. I don't have like my own. All right.

1:09:44 Adam Well, go to the doctor.

1:09:45 Drew You need to find somebody. But listen, let me tell you the characteristics of anything you should be concerned with. It's very normal to have, well, normal, not worrisome to have extra things in there that are smooth or round or even things that are kind of like a bag of worms. That's normal.

1:10:03 Adam Well, that's actually worms.

1:10:05 Drew But if there is a pebble or a rock or anything solid in there with an irregular hard surface, that's the time to get concerned.

1:10:14 Caller What?

1:10:15 Adam My hand hurts.

1:10:16 Drew From what?

1:10:18 Adam I don't know. Too much construction, too much boxing and it's just hurting. It's starting to numb.

1:10:26 Drew Getting carpal tunnel.

1:10:27 Adam Yeah.

1:10:28 Drew Since your operation. You're not left-handed, are you?

1:10:30 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:10:31 Drew Oh, boy.

1:10:33 Adam Yeah. Just like dreading life. I don't know. My hand was just thumping while this guy was talking about his nutsack. So. Jill?

1:10:43 Yeah.

1:10:44 Adam You're 17?

1:10:45 Caller Yeah. Well, today I'm turning 17, yeah.

1:10:47 Adam I see. Happy birthday. Thanks. Hey, you want me to come by and fart up the house?

1:10:53 Caller I was listening to that last night and I could not stop laughing.

1:10:55 Adam Yeah. It's a Corolla family tradition. Someone's birthday, I fart them out of the room. Out of the room? Some folks buy presents, other people take you out for a meal, I fart you up.

1:11:08 Caller Well, I appreciate that if you would come here and do that.

1:11:10 Adam Yeah. Where are you living?

1:11:12 Caller Damascus, Maryland. It's about 40 minutes outside of DC.

1:11:15 Adam I could probably be in DC in seven hours.

1:11:18 Caller Okay.

1:11:19 Adam Take a cab out to Damascus.

1:11:21 Drew I'm actually going to be out there.

1:11:22 Adam Fart the place up?

1:11:23 Drew Next week, I'll be out in DC.

1:11:24 Caller Yeah. It's a little cow town, so I don't know if anybody-

1:11:26 Adam I'll tell you what, I'll break wind into a Ziploc bag. Drew will bring it with him and drop it off, stuff it to the mail slot at the front door.

1:11:33 Drew It will be good too.

1:11:34 Caller Yeah.

1:11:35 Drew There's no decay on it.

1:11:36 Adam All right, Joe. Go ahead, baby.

1:11:38 Caller Okay. I've been taking Vibrant. I don't know if you guys heard of that.

1:11:43 Drew That's just caffeine.

1:11:44 Caller Yeah. Well, I'm a senior this year and I started taking it in ninth grade for exams.

1:11:51 Drew Taking what?

1:11:52 Caller I started taking it for exams. Right. To stay up to be able to study.

1:11:56 Adam Yeah. I started taking pot for exams.

1:11:58 Caller A little bit different.

1:12:01 Caller But I would take that to stay awake. Then last year, I kept on taking it until 10th grade and at the end of 10th grade, I started being dependent on it. I'm a cheerful person anyways, but on this, it makes me feel even better. I was wondering if there's any possible interaction with alcohol or anything because I party sometimes.

1:12:26 Caller Yeah.

1:12:26 Adam Anyone in your family a drinker?

1:12:29 Caller Not really. We don't have alcoholism in our family.

1:12:32 Drew What's your ethnic background?

1:12:34 Caller Caucasian.

1:12:35 Drew Where are your ancestors from?

1:12:40 Caller Germany.

1:12:41 Drew Germany?

1:12:42 Caller All of them? No. We have a lot of stuff in our family.

1:12:46 Adam Any Russians?

1:12:47 Caller No.

1:12:48 Adam No? No. You're all right.

1:12:49 Caller I couldn't be by my mom or anything.

1:12:51 Adam No, no. Well, it's true. Listen, what are the big boozers? American Indians. Forget it.

1:12:58 Drew North American Indians, Irish, Scottish.

1:13:01 Caller I have none of that.

1:13:02 Adam Yeah. Would you say what's worse, Irish, Scottish, or Russian? I have no clue.

1:13:08 Drew Probably.

1:13:09 Adam I'm going with Russian. I think the Irish and Scottish guys seem to be able to handle their boos. It's like, hey, listen. Remember when we were, Ron Jeremy was in here. Okay. And I was talking to him about Frank James, porn star.

1:13:30 Drew Okay.

1:13:31 Adam My buddy liked some of his work, some of his earlier work. And remember he said, oh yeah, Frank James, yeah, he was like half Cherokee or Chippewa or something. And yeah, when he drank, he'd go nuts.

1:13:44 Drew I remember saying that.

1:13:44 Adam So here's what I'm saying. American Indian, not only do you got a booze problem, but you go nuts.

1:13:51 Drew Right.

1:13:52 Adam Now, I know some Irish guys who like to drink. They drink too much. They don't go nuts.

1:13:56 Drew Right.

1:13:57 Adam They're like used to being drunk. Right. The whole country's drunk. They're like used to it over there. They start them early. I don't know. You know what I'm talking about? There's a difference. They don't black out and go nuts.

1:14:08 Drew Yep.

1:14:08 Adam They just get drunk.

1:14:09 Drew Yep.

1:14:10 Adam They're not great guys when they're drunk, but they seem to have some sort of tolerance for it.

1:14:14 Drew There's more of a toxic quality sometimes than the American Indian.

1:14:17 Adam I think I think I think I would go. Here's how I'd put them. I go North American Indian worst.

1:14:22 Drew Scottish.

1:14:24 Adam Scottish worse than Russian.

1:14:25 Drew Yeah.

1:14:26 Adam Okay. Here's my question for you, Drew. You're going to sit in a room with a drunk guy.

1:14:34 Drew Yeah.

1:14:34 Adam You'd rather go Scottish than Russian. Scottish and Russian?

1:14:38 Drew I would take Irish over.

1:14:40 Adam I go Irish over Indian.

1:14:41 Drew Yeah.

1:14:42 Adam Where do you put the Jews?

1:14:44 Drew They don't drink.

1:14:45 Adam No. They're doing-

1:14:47 Drew Speed and opiates.

1:14:48 Adam They're doing opiates in the next room. No. I'd rather be in with the Irish guy. First off, Irish and Scottish, same thing to me. I don't know the difference between the mix and the Lassies or whatever they are. I don't know. They're the same bunch of idiots. They prance around. They smoke those long pipes. There's big red sideburns.

1:15:08 Drew Dance their toes in long shoes.

1:15:09 Adam They dance their toes in big buckles on their shoes and they hit people with shillelies. They're all the same guy.

1:15:15 Drew Yeah, sure.

1:15:16 Adam Okay. The point is you might rather be in the room with the Scottish guy than the Russian guy. I know you would. A Russian guy, he'd kick your ass. He'd get all surly, rape you.

1:15:26 Drew Yeah, but I'm not sure my dad is a biologist.

1:15:28 Adam Okay. We'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll talk to David. He had sex with another girl and wants to know how to tell his girlfriend after this.

1:15:36 Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:15:40 Adam We'll be right back. Yep, Loveline and Corolla, Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:16:20 Drew Why do so many of our callers seem shocked when I ask why?

1:16:24 Adam You know what I mean?

1:16:24 Drew Notice that tonight, I asked several questions like, the girl says I'm giving blowjobs to all my male friends, and I say, why? She's like, why? Right.

1:16:34 Adam Yeah.

1:16:35 Drew Excuse me?

1:16:36 Adam Yeah. Well, I think they just want you to provide an answer, not question their activities. But you guys can all stop and ask yourself why once in a while. David?

1:16:46 Caller Yeah.

1:16:47 Adam Sixteen?

1:16:47 Caller Yep.

1:16:48 Adam What's up, partner?

1:16:49 Caller Well, I was at a Labor Day party, and I got really drunk and had sex with this girl. Now, I don't know how to tell my girlfriend about it.

1:17:00 Adam Yeah. How old's your girlfriend?

1:17:02 Caller She's 16 too.

1:17:03 Adam Who's the girl you had sex with?

1:17:05 Caller Just this random girl I hooked up with at the party. But the thing is...

1:17:09 Adam Does she go to your school?

1:17:10 Caller Yeah.

1:17:11 Adam Does your girlfriend go to your school?

1:17:13 Caller No.

1:17:14 Adam Oh, that's good. How'd you swing that one? How'd you get the transfer?

1:17:19 Caller I don't know. She just lives around me.

1:17:21 Drew How long have you been dating your girlfriend?

1:17:23 Caller About a year.

1:17:24 Adam Why doesn't your girlfriend go to your school?

1:17:26 Caller Because she lives in a different school district.

1:17:28 Drew How'd you meet her? I think is a better question.

1:17:30 Caller Oh, I met her through a mutual friend.

1:17:34 Adam All right.

1:17:34 Drew Do you still have your girlfriend? Do you want to stay with her?

1:17:36 Caller Well, yeah, I really like the other girl, but the problem with the other girl is she has like a bunch of issues.

1:17:43 Drew Like what?

1:17:44 Caller Well, the biggest one is she has a butthole the size of a mason.

1:17:50 Adam But this isn't the guy.

1:17:51 Drew Are you from Tucson?

1:17:52 Caller No, no, I just heard it and I had to, you know, I had to get...

1:17:55 Drew Throw your hand.

1:17:56 Adam But it's been so long.

1:17:58 Caller I know, I know.

1:17:59 Caller None of my friends believe me that this guy exists.

1:18:02 Drew I know, he's got an unmistakable voice too. I know it the second he opens his mouth.

1:18:07 Adam Yeah, Drew does. I know. This is a guy, and it's not David over here. There's a guy, he hasn't called in the show for a long time. He, oh, actually, I did see him in person. Yeah. Yeah, I saw him in Tucson. He's the exact, he is the, he's what you would picture a guy who spends a lot of time trying to break through the radio shows late night to say the phrase, butthole the size of a mason jar. You know, sort of a schlubby, ain't getting late. Let me tell you something about, let me tell you something about guys who get laid. They don't do the crank calls. They just, they're too busy getting laid or talking about, sorry, David. But this guy, this is the guy, the guy with the windbreaker and the greasy hair and the hair parted to the side and sort of the mess kind of guy. But he used to call the show all the time. He'd start with whatever problem he started with.

1:18:59 Drew Sometimes very elaborate.

1:19:00 Adam Very elaborate. Yeah. He'd suck us in and then he'd end with a hole the size of a mason jar, which was good. Now, he doesn't call up anymore. I guess because Drew really recognizes the guy's voice even when he tries to disguise it.

1:19:17 Drew It was like two years ago, wasn't it?

1:19:20 Caller Yeah, probably at least.

1:19:22 Adam But David has picked up the torch.

1:19:24 Drew The baton.

1:19:25 Adam Hi. Well, thanks for that, David.

1:19:27 Caller Oh, and Adam, great gas last night.

1:19:30 Drew Oh, David, please. If you can't imagine.

1:19:33 Adam Listen to me. Listen. All of you listen to me. What goes on in this room, it sure as hell ain't radio. And none of the theatrics that are involved with any of this are radio. You know what I'm saying?

1:19:46 Drew No.

1:19:46 Adam I mean, when Drew's out of the room, he's out of the room.

1:19:50 Drew No kidding.

1:19:51 Adam When Drew's light matches, he's light matches. I mean, people say, sometimes you say, did this actually go down? Did that actually go down? It's more than what you hear on the radio. Oh, Jesus Christ. I just dumped acid all over my penis.

1:20:07 Drew That was, yeah.

1:20:08 Adam There you go.

1:20:09 Drew When I examined the shlong.

1:20:10 Adam Right. Whatever goes on, goes on.

1:20:12 Drew What people don't realize about last night is, did I not take like a 20-foot cord and sit out in the hall for most of the show?

1:20:17 Adam On a trashcan.

1:20:18 Drew Yeah, on a trashcan. Turnover trashcan. Yep.

1:20:20 Adam All right. Jared?

1:20:22 Caller Yeah?

1:20:23 Adam You're 16? What's up?

1:20:27 Caller Okay, the first time me and my girl tried to have sex, she said it felt like she was being stabbed.

1:20:32 Adam Nice.

1:20:32 Drew Have you tried since?

1:20:34 Caller Huh?

1:20:34 Drew Have you tried since?

1:20:36 Caller Yeah, but every time we do, she's like, ah.

1:20:38 Drew So it wasn't just the first time you tried, every time you tried, that's the feeling.

1:20:42 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:20:42 Drew That is her body probably telling you she's really not ready for this. How old is she?

1:20:47 Caller She can count a little though.

1:20:48 Adam 15.

1:20:49 Drew Well, it's usually not anatomic size or sort of this proportion between you and her so much as spasm of the muscles down there that occur in settings where she's anxious.

1:21:01 Adam You smoke a lot of weed, Jared?

1:21:04 Caller No, not lately.

1:21:06 Adam What do you mean?

1:21:07 Drew Not today.

1:21:08 Caller Like the past two months.

1:21:09 Adam Really? Why not?

1:21:10 Caller Because I got tired of it.

1:21:12 Adam All right.

1:21:12 Drew It stopped working.

1:21:14 Caller No, it didn't stop working. It's just like whenever I did it, it felt really dry and I like that.

1:21:19 Adam All right. Good. You on to something bigger and better?

1:21:22 Caller Yeah, it's cool.

1:21:23 Adam Are you on to other drugs?

1:21:24 Caller No.

1:21:25 Adam All right. Good. All right. What about some lubrication, Drew?

1:21:30 Drew You could try that, but I just don't think she's ready.

1:21:33 Adam Then she's 15. All right. Take it slow. Yeah.

1:21:36 Caller All right.

1:21:39 Adam Taylor.

1:21:40 Caller Hi.

1:21:40 Adam Hey, you're 16.

1:21:41 Caller Yeah.

1:21:42 Adam Hey, you sound cute.

1:21:43 Caller Thanks.

1:21:44 Adam Are you?

1:21:45 Caller Yeah.

1:21:46 Adam Really? Nice.

1:21:47 Caller I'm sitting here in my underwear.

1:21:48 Adam Really? Me too. Cool. Yeah.

1:21:51 Caller Hey, I watch The Man Show all the time.

1:21:52 Adam You do?

1:21:53 Caller Yeah.

1:21:53 Adam Yeah. I'm hot.

1:21:55 Caller I know.

1:21:55 Adam Yeah.

1:21:56 Caller And your little call collect commercials too.

1:21:59 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah.

1:22:01 Caller You turned me on.

1:22:02 Adam That's part of what's made me literally a millionaire, literally.

1:22:06 Caller Cool.

1:22:06 Adam Yeah.

1:22:07 Caller Yeah, whatever.

1:22:08 Drew Question?

1:22:08 Adam I could take you away from all of that, whatever it is that is for you.

1:22:12 Caller Okay.

1:22:13 Adam Okay. What's up?

1:22:15 Caller I was wondering if the doctors can tell if you've had sex.

1:22:19 Drew It's more they can tell if you haven't.

1:22:22 Adam Yeah.

1:22:22 Drew Because if there's a hymen there, that means you haven't.

1:22:25 Adam You know, my sister got popped. She went in for just a routine examination when she was 15. Turned out had a big puddle of semen in her belly button, and the doctor noticed that and-

1:22:38 Caller Are you serious?

1:22:39 Adam No.

1:22:39 Caller Okay.

1:22:40 Caller You're a nerd.

1:22:43 Adam Anderson was right with me on that one. You were with me there, weren't you Anderson? Yeah. People want to know if I can-

1:22:50 Caller But like when I go in for like a physical or whatever, like do they check that stuff?

1:22:55 Adam Your belly button, yeah.

1:22:56 Caller No.

1:22:57 Drew If you are sexually active, it is very important that you have a pelvic exam.

1:23:00 Caller No, I'm not sexually active. I just have before.

1:23:03 Drew Then it's important that you have a pelvic exam.

1:23:05 Adam Well, listen, she did it once, right?

1:23:08 Caller Yeah.

1:23:08 Adam How many times?

1:23:10 Caller Just once.

1:23:11 Adam What's up? Is your family strict?

1:23:14 Caller Well, my mom told me that if I'm going to have sex to like use protection or whatever.

1:23:17 Adam Yeah. So why are you so freaked out about it?

1:23:19 Caller Well, because it's just like my mom don't know, so I don't want to be like-

1:23:23 Adam I know, but your mom has been forward about it, right?

1:23:26 Drew And what goes on between you and your doctor is strictly confidential.

1:23:29 Adam That's right.

1:23:30 Caller Oh, really?

1:23:30 Drew Absolutely.

1:23:31 Adam That's right. It's between you, your doctor, the nursing staff, and their friends. That's all. That is all. And some of the people in the cafeteria, that is it. Do you understand me?

1:23:43 Caller Yep.

1:23:43 Adam It does not leave that hospital unless anyone you've talked to or that your doctor then talked to later leaves the hospital.

1:23:52 Drew Okay.

1:23:52 Adam Okay?

1:23:53 Caller All right.

1:23:54 Drew All right. Get that taken care of properly.

1:23:58 Adam Maria?

1:23:59 Guest Yeah?

1:23:59 Adam Hey, 24.

1:24:00 Guest Hey, how are you?

1:24:02 Adam Good.

1:24:03 Guest Good. So you got my question there?

1:24:05 Adam No. What is it?

1:24:06 Guest Okay. So my question is, I was wondering, well, I know when you get pregnant and you have your baby, your vagina opens up and it gets bigger.

1:24:15 Adam Hold on a second. Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.

1:24:18 Guest Okay.

1:24:19 Adam What is this now? The vagina?

1:24:21 Guest When you have your baby.

1:24:22 Adam Yeah. I'm writing this down. Have the baby.

1:24:24 Guest Your hole gets bigger so that your baby can come back out.

1:24:27 Adam Slow down. Slow down.

1:24:28 Caller Okay.

1:24:30 Adam The hole gets bigger so the baby can come out.

1:24:33 Guest Right.

1:24:33 Adam Right.

1:24:34 Guest And now, and then it springs back.

1:24:37 Adam Oh, it goes back.

1:24:38 Drew Yes, it does.

1:24:38 Guest But now I'm wondering. Hold on.

1:24:39 Adam Let me ask a question about the asshole here, Drew. When you take a crap, it opens up, right?

1:24:45 Drew And then it springs back.

1:24:46 Adam Does it come back?

1:24:47 All the way back.

1:24:48 Drew Like magic.

1:24:49 Adam I see. Same day?

1:24:50 Yeah.

1:24:51 Adam Moments later or something?

1:24:52 Drew Moments later. Okay.

1:24:53 Guest We're not talking about a crap. We're talking about a baby.

1:24:56 Adam No. I understand. I understand.

1:24:57 Guest I mean, that does a big difference.

1:24:59 Adam No, I know. My vagina is the size of a 50-gallon drum.

1:25:03 Guest Oh, right. Right.

1:25:04 Adam All right. So anyway, it gets bigger and then it closes up again after the kids come out, right? See, okay.

1:25:09 Guest Well, this is what I'm wondering, because my boyfriend wants me to have a C-section instead of having the baby because he's afraid of the size of the hole. I'm not coming back to the regular size.

1:25:21 Adam All right. Hold on. Let me see a little quiz here, Drew. You're a gambling man? Third year med student? Stripper. What do you go with?

1:25:33 Drew Is that a spectrum, a scale?

1:25:34 Adam Yeah. What are you going with?

1:25:36 Drew Stripper, end of the scale.

1:25:37 Adam You're heading toward stripper?

1:25:38 Caller Yeah.

1:25:39 Adam I don't know. I don't know. Maria?

1:25:42 Guest Yeah.

1:25:43 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:25:44 Guest What do I do? I'm a waitress.

1:25:47 Adam Oh, that's code for stripper.

1:25:50 Guest No.

1:25:51 Adam Actually, cocktail waitress is code for stripper.

1:25:54 Caller No.

1:25:54 Guest No.

1:25:55 Adam What do you wear? Do you wear an outfit?

1:25:56 Caller No.

1:25:57 Guest I work in a Mexican restaurant.

1:25:59 Adam Uh-huh. That's code for stripper. And, yeah.

1:26:03 Caller Stripper, wait.

1:26:04 Guest Where are you guys getting stripper from?

1:26:05 Adam I'm just getting it from your voice. You ever do any stripping?

1:26:08 Guest No.

1:26:09 Adam Okay.

1:26:11 Guest No.

1:26:12 Adam You just serve beer. Okay. Okay. Okay. So the vagina opens up.

1:26:16 Caller Yeah. So what is that?

1:26:19 Guest I mean, after you have the baby and you're opening, I mean, does it go back to normal?

1:26:23 Drew Well, the first thing, the first time you have a baby, you'll be either you'll tear or you'll be cut. They'll do a episiotomy and cut down the perineum. So that you don't rip all the way through your rectum.

1:26:37 Guest I mean, I know it's not that bad.

1:26:38 Drew Which is what happened. Well, that's what happened.

1:26:40 Adam Hold on. Hold on a second, Drew.

1:26:42 Drew That's called a third degree tear.

1:26:43 Adam Hold on.

1:26:44 Drew That's what happens if they don't cut you with the scissors down the perineum.

1:26:47 Adam Gah-bah! Now hold on.

1:26:49 Drew What?

1:26:52 Adam My vulva hurts now. Listen to me.

1:26:55 Guest Yeah.

1:26:56 Adam Not you, Maria. I want Drew to listen to me. What percentage, now think hard here, of first time pregnancies?

1:27:04 Drew Tear?

1:27:05 Adam Or they cut?

1:27:06 Drew 100 percent.

1:27:07 Adam They cut every one of them.

1:27:09 Drew I mean, I may not.

1:27:10 Adam No, not every one of them.

1:27:11 Drew 80, 90 percent.

1:27:14 Adam A very high percent.

1:27:15 Drew Very high. Because they're going to cut it before it tears because the tears are awful.

1:27:18 Adam I know. But can't they figure that out or show them?

1:27:20 Drew You do a C-section. That's the only way to-

1:27:22 Guest All right. Well, that's what my boyfriend wants me to do.

1:27:25 Drew But again, after you cut through there, you sew it all back up again.

1:27:28 Adam And you put an extra stitch in. Are you pregnant now?

1:27:33 Guest No.

1:27:33 Adam Okay. Listen to me, you goofball. Your boyfriend is no genius and neither are you. You two don't need to be having kids for quite a long time. You understand?

1:27:42 Guest Right. Right.

1:27:43 Adam What's your boyfriend do for a living?

1:27:46 Guest He's kind of in between jobs right now.

1:27:48 Adam All right. There you go. So why even talk about it? You guys are not going to be together in four months anyway.

1:27:53 Guest Well, okay. But the question is, and I've heard this from other people, that there's definitely some people who have given the ultimatum to their spouse or their couple because of this issue. And so I'm just wondering.

1:28:08 Drew What's the ultimatum they've given?

1:28:09 Guest That they don't want to be with them or that they have to have a c-section, which is basically what he's saying to me is that I'm going to have to have a c-section if we want to even discuss the whole kid thing.

1:28:20 Drew For A, it's between you and the doctor. B, that should be sort of a threshold position that if a guy passes, you immediately dump him.

1:28:31 Guest Right.

1:28:31 Adam Yeah. That's what's called a deal breaker. It's when someone's showing their hand. That's when a... Here's... You're supposed to hear a little voice inside your head saying, this may not make a great daddy.

1:28:43 Drew This guy is an asshole. Four assholes.

1:28:45 Adam Right.

1:28:46 Guest I mean, what... The scientific fact of...

1:28:49 Drew Scientific fact is this is the way you're designed as a human being. Things go back pretty much to normal.

1:28:55 Adam All righty then.

1:28:57 Drew Let's take a break.

1:28:58 Caller I'm disgusted.

1:28:59 Adam Boyfriend. Hey, honey, I'm going to dump you. Hey, your snatch gets all stretched out like a pair of slippers that got worn out in the rain or something. And there's no way we're getting back together. I'll earhump you before I go back there. What am I supposed to do? Put like some insulation around my Johnson before I go back in? Like a rapid, one of those things you put around the water heater or something before I go back in? No way. No way. I don't care what you look like in a bikini. You get in that C-section. You wear a one-piece. I like you tight. And let me tell you, if I dip you and I don't feel nothing down there, I'm going in the back side. Because that's it. That's that guy. Your A-hole's my new vagina. Oh yeah. I don't care if the kid's right there in the room. Hey, if the kid's tighter than you, I'll go there. Whatever it takes.

1:30:00 Drew Even Andy's got to discuss about that one. She's been listening to this show for a long time. Last two nights, you've been...

1:30:07 Adam Yeah, it's a great dad, this guy's gonna be. I see this guy's one of the in-between jobs. Here's a guy, I figure, he's the kind of guy who drops his pants and you see a tan line from a thong back on his ass. That's the kind of guy in the picture. All right, we'll be back.

1:30:23 Caller Hello, who's this?

1:30:24 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

1:30:51 Drew Did you figure that part out yet?

1:30:52 Adam Well, a little of it. Hi, Jinx. Hey, it's Loveline. We're all over there, and let's get back in the phones. Chris?

1:31:01 Caller Hey.

1:31:01 Adam Hey.

1:31:02 Caller Hey. Glad I got through to you. I didn't think I'd get through. Hot damn.

1:31:06 Adam You're 28 years old. What's going on there, buddy?

1:31:10 Caller Well, I was listening and I heard that dumb girl calling before about worrying about her vagina.

1:31:16 Adam How dare you question the intelligence of one of our Loveline callers?

1:31:20 Drew I mean, the waitress?

1:31:21 Caller Well, forgive me.

1:31:23 Adam How dare you, sir? My apologies to this young lady.

1:31:27 Caller All right.

1:31:27 Adam So, what's up?

1:31:28 Caller I just want to say, you know, my wife and I have had two kids. And, you know, we're fairly normal and happy and everything. And her first kid was a C-section. And the second kid, she delivered vaginally. And it was...

1:31:44 Drew Hey, Chris.

1:31:45 Caller Pardon?

1:31:47 Adam What is up with you?

1:31:47 Drew Hold still.

1:31:49 Caller I'm sorry. I'm calling on the cell phone and my reception is bad.

1:31:52 Adam Okay. So the vagina is the same as it ever was, right?

1:31:56 Caller Well, it's, you know, it seems not quite as tight as, you know, nine years ago when we first started.

1:32:04 Adam Right.

1:32:05 Drew But it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. No.

1:32:07 Caller No, no big deal. But I think after she delivered vaginally, they did be a bit easy on me and then wham. I definitely felt a different.

1:32:21 Drew What's your point, Chris?

1:32:22 Adam You're making one hell of a point.

1:32:23 Caller Now that I think about it, I'm actually sorry because maybe she shouldn't even be breeding.

1:32:31 Drew What is he talking about?

1:32:36 Adam Is that a crank call or what? Now, wait a minute. Who shouldn't be breeding?

1:32:43 Drew The first, our caller.

1:32:44 Adam His wife?

1:32:45 Drew No, our caller, the stupid caller.

1:32:48 Chris?

1:32:49 Caller Yeah.

1:32:49 Adam Yeah.

1:32:51 Make the point that you made to me earlier.

1:32:53 Adam What point are you making, Chris? So far, it's sounding pretty good for a C-section.

1:32:59 Caller She had a C-section in the first kid.

1:33:01 Adam Oh, boy.

1:33:02 Caller The second kid.

1:33:03 Drew We got that all, Chris. We got that. What's your point?

1:33:07 Caller Well, my point is that there is who the girl ain't got nothing to worry about.

1:33:12 Adam Okay.

1:33:13 Drew All right. Thank you.

1:33:14 Adam Boy. Hey, how'd you like Chris representing you as your attorney in a murder trial? Your Honor, my client is innocent, or so he says.

1:33:29 Drew He might have been there that night, but I don't think so.

1:33:33 Adam Where were you on the night of June 27th? At home, sleeping?

1:33:38 Caller Yes.

1:33:38 Adam Serious? Serious? Uh-huh. Really? You don't have any videotape or anything of that, do you? No?

1:33:46 Caller Oh, Jesus.

1:33:47 Adam Too bad. It would be great if we had tape of that. Man. Yeah. With the time date stamped in it.

1:33:51 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:33:53 Adam Anyway, my point is, is my client couldn't have committed this murder because, uh-

1:33:58 Drew I said so.

1:33:59 Adam Yeah, because I, because, geez, he seems like a pretty strong guy. I don't, he's not, shouldn't be breeding. Yeah, we put this guy, Chris, on the line because we make a point about his wife having a couple of kids-

1:34:12 Drew And having a strong vagina.

1:34:14 Adam And having, and a vagina not being any different than it was. And he starts off with the first one a C-section. So they're, already it's not two kids, we're down to one kid. And then the second one was, is well, she ain't snapping back like she was in high school, I'll tell you that. But if I shift hard to the left, I think I can hit the side of it. He really makes a point. I'll tell you, there's never been... And by the way, here's something I've learned from doing this show. No points from the callers and no compliments from the callers. We had a caller on the line about two hours ago, and it said, it's very rare, at least that makes it through our phone screening system, it says, loves Adam, wants to know where he comes up with all the jokes. Remember that guy? And came in and said, yeah, he's on a pay phone, so you want to get to him soon. Came in to JJ, he's like, who do you think is better, engineer Mike or engineer Anderson? That Anderson seems like he's going to buzz a gut over there. Anyway, give the show a five. All right, guy gave you a phone.

1:35:23 Caller Seriously, it's so strange, people say, when I'm screening them, they say a whole different thing than when they actually get on the air, and I don't know if they get nervous. This guy made a great point about his wife having an episiotomy and how she feels the same, and he was very articulate.

1:35:39 Drew No, and then he put somebody else on the phone.

1:35:40 Caller I don't know what happened.

1:35:42 Drew Switched off.

1:35:43 Adam Yeah, he handed the phone to his drunken buddy, who was passed out on the passenger seat. All right, and what about the guy with all the compliments for me? What happened to him?

1:35:52 Caller He dissed me, telling me, saying that Sherry sounded sexier.

1:35:56 Adam Sherry sounded hot, I don't know about Anderson.

1:35:58 Drew Sherry sounds better than Danielle.

1:36:00 Adam Yeah, and Mike sounded distracted. He didn't say anything about me, though. I was wondering over my compliments. I was all ready to give him a list of my training background.

1:36:10 Caller I'm like, go to him first, go to him first.

1:36:12 Adam He was great. I'll tell you, we struck gold. Once again, Eric?

1:36:17 Caller Yeah, what's up?

1:36:17 Adam You're 24.

1:36:18 Caller Yeah.

1:36:19 Adam Please make a point.

1:36:20 Caller Okay, my point?

1:36:22 Drew Or question. A nice, clear question would be nice, too.

1:36:25 Caller My thing is that when I ejaculate or when I'm with a girl, I'll come with him five minutes and I can go on maybe four or five times. Wow. Consecutively.

1:36:36 Adam The room must be filled with sperm when you're done.

1:36:39 Drew This is your definition of the male multi-orgasm, right?

1:36:42 Adam Same bone?

1:36:43 Caller Well, not really. I guess multi-orgasm would have been like one right after another.

1:36:47 Drew Right. You have a little refractor in us, but still this is Adam's definition.

1:36:50 Adam Same boner, new jizz?

1:36:52 Caller Yeah. Same boner, keep going.

1:36:54 Adam Same boner?

1:36:55 Caller Yeah.

1:36:56 Adam Same boner, five times?

1:36:58 Caller Yeah.

1:36:58 Adam Holy Christ. Your penis is possessed by Satan.

1:37:04 Caller Anyway, my question is that-

1:37:07 Adam In his pants.

1:37:09 Caller Now I have diabetes, is this going to affect me in any way?

1:37:13 Drew He sure can.

1:37:15 Caller I thought as I got older, I would be able to last longer, like from when I was a teenager.

1:37:21 Drew You're still young, that will come.

1:37:22 Adam Yeah. You'll add about 15 seconds every 10 years.

1:37:27 Drew Yeah. Here's the key to not having the diabetes affect your sexual functioning. Exquisite blood sugar control. Keep your blood sugar normal all the time.

1:37:37 Adam How do you do that?

1:37:38 Drew It's adjusting your medications. There's new medications that change the way insulin is utilized. Things like Actos and the old Resilient-like medications of Andeia. And then taking your insulin three, four times a day, checking your sugar three times a day, and watching your diet carefully.

1:37:55 Adam Yeah. Let me ask you a question about diabetes. Why is it that... You screw up too much, you got to get stuff amputated, right? Why is this only happening to old black women?

1:38:06 Drew It happens only to people that don't maintain, usually people that don't maintain tight control of their blood sugar, or have periods of time in their life where they've just let it run.

1:38:14 Adam You know what I'm talking about? What seems to happen to old black people, old black women? Women.

1:38:19 Drew It's... Diabetes, the damage...

1:38:20 Adam Women? Is it something with women?

1:38:22 Drew Well, the problem with diabetes is it's a vasculopathy. It damages blood vessels, and that's what causes the breakdown of tissue.

1:38:28 Adam There's some actress who lost her leg to diabetes, some... It wasn't like Esther Roll or somebody, somebody like that, someone like the mom from Good Times or something. What's happened to old black women? Huh? Nothing?

1:38:42 Drew If you say so.

1:38:43 Adam I should be a doctor.

1:38:44 Drew When people are overweight and insulin dependent, it makes it difficult to...

1:38:48 Adam Oh, that's it. Oh, maybe that was it. Yeah. I'm trying to think of that actress was. Anderson Noth... Over here. I'm looking at Drew for an answer about something that's happened this century. Are you kidding me? Annika?

1:39:00 Caller Hi.

1:39:01 Adam You're 15.

1:39:02 Caller Yeah.

1:39:03 Adam What's up?

1:39:05 Caller I just broke up... My boyfriend and I broke up in early July, and he says that it was because he's only 16 too, and he wants to be with a bunch of other girls.

1:39:18 Adam Well, that's nice.

1:39:20 Caller Yeah. But we still want to be sexually active together.

1:39:26 Drew No, he wants to be. You think if you do that, it'll mean you'll still be together, which you won't. He'll go on to do his thing with other people.

1:39:33 Caller No, no. I want to with him.

1:39:36 Drew Why?

1:39:37 Caller Because he's, I don't know.

1:39:39 Adam Because you like him.

1:39:41 Caller Yeah, he's a really nice guy.

1:39:43 Drew Well, this is going to bond you even tighter to him, and he's not going to be in this relationship.

1:39:48 Caller Well, no. We've been friends for like...

1:39:50 Drew Anika, don't get into this. He is not going to be with you. Even if he has sex with you, it does not mean he's going to be around.

1:39:59 Adam It's not going to work out for you, Anika.

1:40:01 Drew This is that thinking that young ladies your age get, that somehow by having sex, you're going to be bonded forever to him.

1:40:07 Adam Well, no, no, no. The thinking is this. My boyfriend dumped me, but here's a chance for us to be together.

1:40:13 Drew Yeah.

1:40:13 Adam Once a week. Yeah. It's like we're together. He's being nice. We're being intimate. We're together again. Then he leaves and he gets intimate with someone else. Doesn't work out. I wish someone would let me do that to him in high school. I really do.

1:40:28 Caller Hello. This is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

1:41:13 Adam All right, Drew and I are just struggling with our mortality over here, I'm trying to figure out the old Bill Cosby theme. So I'm going to do it real quick. Give ourselves a nice 22-hour break. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. My, my vulva hurts now.

1:42:11 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2000