Episode 1000754887189

15:29 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline Coast to Coast.

15:41 Yeah.

15:42 Drew Oh, here we go.

15:43 Adam Welcome back. It's so bad tonight. Drew, you're out of here. You're gone.

15:52 I guarantee it.

15:55 Adam I guarantee you're out of here. I guarantee it.

16:02 Adam Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla.

16:05 I told you.

16:07 Adam You are out of here. Come on.

16:10 Drew Oh, my God.

16:12 The humanity.

16:13 Adam Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew over there. Oh, I just let a huge... Would you stop that Anderson, you jackass? Let me enjoy my gas. Leave Anderson alone. I let a huge fart go. Drew, shut that door. How dare you?

16:32 No way.

16:33 Adam Anderson, stop it, you son of a bitch. That stuff drives me nuts. I will turn these headphones right down there. Good, you have no more power over me. It's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew's Board Certified Physician, an addiction medicine specialist. He may be his next patient.

16:50 Drew What did you do to create this?

16:52 Adam I have no idea. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. I was blasting gas all night.

17:01 Drew You know, we talked about great football games.

17:03 Adam The ride.

17:04 Drew You're going to try to figure out how to create this moment the rest of your life.

17:07 Adam The ride over was stupendous for me. I was just blowing farts in my car all the way here. That one, literally and figuratively, I was sitting on for the last 10 minutes because producer Anne was in here talking. I was letting it build up. Then right when the mics got hot at the top of the show, I let that baby fly. Drew, seriously, as a doctor, that had some punch.

17:30 Drew I have encountered that once in a while and thought to myself, I wonder what this is. It's so unusual. It's so amazing.

17:38 Adam Yeah.

17:40 Drew It's almost like a vegetable.

17:44 Adam I don't know what it is. All I know is I was sitting in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven 20 minutes ago, after just letting a huge one go in the car, sitting in the parking lot under the street light, just sitting there, and I was using my hand doing that waft, doing that fan thing with my head down between my legs. And I looked to my left, and there's a very attractive woman sitting in a park car just staring at me with the window down, smoking a cigarette. And I thought, she must know what I'm up to. Drew, I don't know what I got going, but I got it going.

18:15 Drew Big. Oh, yeah. Big time. We need to share this with someone.

18:19 Adam It's Drew's birthday, by the way. So that was a little birthday gasp for you, Pinsky.

18:23 Drew Yeah.

18:24 Adam All right. Wait a minute. No, no, no. All right, all right. Come back in the room. Come back in the room. That's not play acting, is it, Drew?

18:35 Oh, God.

18:37 Adam I'm scared. Dean, this is huge. First the Rams win, now this. Dean?

18:45 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

18:46 Adam You're 18. What's up?

18:47 Drew You did another one, didn't you?

18:48 Adam No, no.

18:49 Caller Before I ask my question, I just want to say you guys are awesome. I listen to you every chance I get.

18:54 Adam Thank you.

18:57 Caller Okay, I have a friend who is gay.

19:00 Adam Yeah, he would have loved this fart.

19:02 Caller I am straight. He is trying to turn me gay.

19:06 Drew What does that mean?

19:08 Adam Cornhole.

19:09 Caller No, he's trying to play head games and trying to be gay.

19:13 Adam All right.

19:14 Caller He drew with my mind and tried to convince me that I'm like bisexual or something and I'm trying to figure out how to get him to stop.

19:22 Adam Tell him to stop. That's how you get him to stop.

19:24 Drew He's a friend of yours?

19:25 Caller Yeah.

19:25 Adam Does he know he's doing it? Can he admit it? Can he admit it?

19:28 Caller He won't admit it. All right.

19:30 Drew You think great consequences. You know, he does it. That's it.

19:33 I'm not around you when I'm around you.

19:35 Adam Listen, everybody. You don't have to have a- I haven't given this speech in a while. You don't have to have a long sit down with everyone in your life. They start doing things that aren't right. Give them a little space. Give them a little time to think about it.

19:47 Drew I think I'm leaving tonight.

19:49 Adam That's bad.

19:49 Drew You gotta cut this ass out.

19:51 Adam I swear to God, I got another one.

19:52 Oh, I have to leave at this point.

19:57 Adam Jeff?

19:59 Yeah?

19:59 Adam Jeff, you're 14. What's up?

20:01 Caller I'm all right.

20:03 Adam What's your question?

20:04 Okay. I was masturbating earlier. And I had stuck a chain down my urethra.

20:12 Adam Uh-huh. Why? Why? Like a tennis bracelet or anchor chain?

20:18 Caller You know, like the kind of chain you pull to light up a lamp.

20:22 Adam Uh-huh. The beaded kind.

20:23 Caller Yeah, that's it.

20:24 Adam Nice.

20:25 Drew What was the purpose of that?

20:26 Adam To get it down there?

20:27 Very carefully.

20:29 Drew What does that mean?

20:30 Just thread it down there.

20:32 Adam Does it... Will gravity do it or do you have to sort of work it in?

20:35 You have to work it in there.

20:36 Adam I see. How far down did you get it down there?

20:38 That's the problem. I got it all the way down.

20:40 I think it like slipped into the bladder.

20:43 Adam Came out of your ass and you used it like floss? Slipped into the bladder?

20:47 Yeah.

20:48 Adam Drew, on me it's a short run, but how long on an average guy? How long does it take for you to get into the bladder? You got to get through the penis.

20:56 Drew Well, if you sort of push on that area between your anus and your testicles, can you feel any discomfort there? Because I don't see how we get past that. That's very difficult terrain.

21:08 Adam How far is it from where your penis attaches to your body to your bladder?

21:14 Drew Give me my pictures.

21:15 Adam I have to show you the pictures.

21:17 Drew The deal is that it's not a straight line.

21:19 All right.

21:21 Drew It's about six inches or so, but here's the...

21:23 Adam Hey, Jeff?

21:24 Yeah?

21:24 Adam Did you pull the chain out?

21:26 No.

21:26 Drew Why did you put it in?

21:28 It just felt good.

21:29 Adam Why didn't you pull the chain out?

21:31 Caller Well, because I didn't have time to.

21:37 Drew Before you lost it. Well, not really.

21:38 Adam You mean the chain went all the way down in you?

21:41 Drew Yeah.

21:41 Adam Oh, and it's now gathered in there?

21:44 Drew Look at this. All right.

21:45 Adam I'm looking at the penis right now.

21:46 Drew Then there's an angle there.

21:48 Adam Well, the angle there... Because it's hanging.

21:50 Drew Look at this one.

21:51 Adam Listen, you idiot. That angle is because the guy's dork is dangling. If he had an erection, it wouldn't be there.

21:56 Drew There's a deal. If they're going to do a cystoscopy or something, they have to take this and bring it all down here and go up like that.

22:02 Adam All right.

22:02 Drew So it is a very difficult thing to negotiate through there.

22:05 Adam All right. So you're calling them a liar?

22:07 Drew Well, maybe it's in here. Okay.

22:10 Adam How does he get it out? Have you tried peeing yet?

22:13 Drew Yeah.

22:13 Adam What happens?

22:15 Drew Nothing happens.

22:16 Adam Just urine comes out?

22:18 Drew You have to see a urologist and they have to retrieve it with a scope.

22:22 Adam How do they retrieve it?

22:23 Drew With a cystoscope.

22:24 Adam Do they have a claw on the end of it?

22:26 Drew They'll have some biopsy device they're trying to grab.

22:28 Adam Don't they use a coat hanger?

22:29 Drew No coat hangers. But if this is true, usually the only people that engage in those kinds of behaviors are like disturbed, put really unusual stuff into body orifices.

22:39 Adam Yeah, speaking of body orifices.

22:41 Drew No, no, no, no, nobody's my birthday. Please, please, please, please, please, no, no, no.

22:56 Adam Drew, get in here. Get in here and do your job.

23:00 Come on.

23:03 Adam Stop that sound, Anderson. I'll turn my headphones down. Jesus Christ. I got the one engineer in North America. Don't like farting. Drew, get in here. Come on, buddy.

23:15 Come on.

23:27 Adam Drew, are you dry?

23:29 Ah, that's funny.

23:31 Adam Are you dry heaving over there? Come on, get in here, buddy. Jeremy?

23:36 Yeah.

23:37 Adam It's Drew's birthday.

23:39 Really?

23:39 Yeah.

23:41 Adam He's 57 years young. All right, you're 16.

23:45 Caller Yeah. Yeah, just want to say, man show. Oh, yeah.

23:53 Adam It's the greatest show on television. It really is, thank you.

23:57 Caller Thank you very much.

23:58 Adam What was yesterday's show?

24:00 Caller Yesterday's show was with the Mud Wrestling and the Politics.

24:03 Adam Oh, yeah. That was the smear campaign. Yeah. Yeah, that was rough.

24:06 Best show on television, the man show.

24:08 Adam That's right. Governor Jesse Ventura. What a genius.

24:13 Yeah, whatever.

24:14 Adam All right, Jeremy, go ahead. Drew is gagging over there. Drew, did you have a dry heave?

24:20 Drew My eyes are watering.

24:22 Adam Did you retch? All right, Jeremy, go ahead.

24:26 Drew I got to face this one like a man, Anderson.

24:28 Caller Before I ask my question, do you remember a caller?

24:30 Drew I know what he'll do if I walk in there. He'll threaten.

24:33 Caller About two weeks ago, her name was Kristen.

24:35 Adam Yeah.

24:36 Caller She was having your grandma Coke for $100.

24:41 Adam Yeah.

24:42 Caller Yeah, that was fake. That was my sister.

24:44 Adam Okay.

24:45 Caller Yeah, don't worry about that.

24:46 Adam All right, Jeremy, what's up?

24:47 Whatever.

24:48 Adam So lying is in your genes.

24:50 Yeah.

24:51 Adam All right, so what's going on?

24:52 Caller My question is, I've had a curved penis for as long as I can remember.

24:58 That's a damn lie and you know it.

25:00 Adam Which direction does it curve?

25:02 Caller It actually curves to the left.

25:04 Drew How much?

25:04 Adam Democrat.

25:05 Caller Yeah.

25:07 Caller I'm not sure. I think probably 45 degrees.

25:09 Drew Communist.

25:13 Adam Well, 90 would be against your left thigh. Okay. Yeah. 180 be in your ass and 360 be around your waist and then back to the front again. So if your penis is sticking straight out, 90 would be about 1030. I mean 45 would be like 1030 if noon, if 12 was straight out and nine was your left thigh, right?

25:38 Caller Yeah.

25:39 Adam Okay.

25:40 Caller I was wondering if there was any way to get it straight.

25:43 Drew I'm not sure.

25:43 Adam That's a pretty good bend.

25:45 Drew Yeah, but it's not abnormal. No, no, no. Let me answer first, please.

25:50 Adam All right. Oh, man, Drew. Drew, get back in here, buddy. Oh, my God. Drew is a doctor. Make a diagnosis on that. Wow. I don't know what I ate tonight, but I got to write that down.

26:28 You need to go to the doctor.

26:30 Caller That is huge.

26:32 Adam Oh, my God. It's mammoth. Oh, I wish Jimmy was here. I wish Jimmy was here. You know, like people win the Oscar and cry because they wish their dead father was there to see them. Whenever I break a good fart, I wish Jimmy or his cousin Sal was with me. Yeah. Yeah, that ain't normal, is it? That's not normal at all. Imagine what my car was like on the way over. Oh, man. We got a carpool. What can he do about his bent penis? Take some vitamin E. Drew's not on the mic. He's gagging in the corner. Where are you going? Drew, don't abandon your post. How dare you? How dare you leave your post?

27:25 Drew Oh, I need headphones.

27:26 Adam All right. Well, Anderson, come on in, buddy. Come on in and get Drew's headphones. Come on in. Come on. Use Anderson's headphones.

27:36 Drew All right. Seriously, I could not think or breathe. You got to give me about, I'll give you 120 seconds, 180 seconds, something like that.

27:42 Adam All right.

27:43 Caller Adam, Adam, not normal human emission.

27:47 Adam I mean, it's as big a night as I've ever had.

27:53 Caller You've ever had?

27:55 Drew I've not known this to.

27:56 Adam Anderson, come on, buddy. Hang out. Oh, no. No, he's got to come back there. Headphones are tied up on Drew's computer cord. Come on, buddy. The water's warm. Come on in.

28:09 Drew He's more of a pussy than I knew.

28:10 Adam Oh, my God.

28:11 Drew He doesn't like that smell thing.

28:12 Adam All right. So what should he do about his curve?

28:14 Drew 800 units of vitamin E a day is certainly what he can do.

28:17 Adam How many capsules is 800 units approximately?

28:20 Drew It's usually two. They come in 800s, though. And there are operations to straighten it back out, but what they do is basically cut a pie out of the elongated side.

28:29 Adam Right. A wedge.

28:30 Drew A wedge. Like a pie wedge, pie shape. And yeah, just a memory of it is disturbing.

28:39 Adam Take the vitamin E, and don't worry about it.

28:40 Drew No one's going to do this. And it's not something to be concerned about unless there's a rectal difficulty, pain problem.

28:46 Adam Jen?

28:48 Guest Hello?

28:48 Adam Jen, you're 21.

28:50 Guest Hello?

28:51 Adam Hi, Jen. I'm having a banner night gas-wise in here tonight. It's big. It's as big a night as I've had a lot of years. Oh, yeah. He's real happy.

29:02 Drew I'm across a safe glass window.

29:05 Adam Yeah. All right, Jen, go ahead.

29:08 Guest Well, I had some symptoms that I was concerned about.

29:12 Caller Okay.

29:15 Guest And, well, I kissed this one guy. And, you know, like back in your throat on the sides, I don't know if they're called like your lymph nodes.

29:27 Adam Yeah.

29:27 Guest Well, they like, they've like been swollen ever since.

29:32 Adam Yeah. What is that, Drew?

29:32 Guest And then I like got a rash.

29:35 Adam Yeah. Drew, get back in here, please. I won't fart. All right.

29:38 Drew I'm coming.

29:38 Adam I'll tell you when I'm going to fart next. All right. Drew's coming back from the engineer studio and coming back into the booth here, all right? And he's going to tell you all about it. You think it's syphilis?

29:52 Guest Well, that's what I'm concerned about.

29:54 Adam Oh, oh, oh. It's still bad? You still got some? Oh. Same one, though. There's nothing new. Nothing new. I'm honoring the piece of court.

30:04 Drew Just pretend it's perfect in here because I want to see the look on some of the other people's face when they walk in here during the break.

30:08 Adam No one's coming in here. It's going to be extraordinary.

30:12 Drew So you kissed somebody and your tonsils got sore?

30:15 Well, what happened was-

30:16 Drew Wait, if you're 21, Jan, what do you- Come on.

30:19 Adam I don't know.

30:20 Guest No, this happened a long time ago.

30:22 Adam All right.

30:22 Drew Well, you're 21 now, so your lymph nodes swell up and you got a sore throat.

30:26 Adam How long ago did this happen?

30:28 Guest Well, a long time ago.

30:31 Adam Okay. All right. Adios, honey. How long ago did this happen?

30:37 Drew A long time ago.

30:38 Adam A long time ago. Kiss my ass. Forget it.

30:40 Drew Well, but the point is-

30:41 Adam Ah, who cares? Don't answer.

30:42 Caller Wait, look.

30:42 Drew You kissed somebody and you got a sore throat. You got a sore throat.

30:45 Caller Right.

30:45 Drew And your lymph nodes are supposed to swell up.

30:46 Adam I hate Jan. Let me ask Jan something. Jan, are you good looking?

30:51 Caller Yes.

30:51 Adam Okay. I knew it. A horrible attitude. I have this theory about women and men, but mostly women. Really good looking chicks? Yeah. No one ever says, hey, honey, shut the f up. You're giving me a headache because they're really good looking. And then I hear them over the radio and I go, boy, is she annoying. Boy, do I want to yell at her to shut up. And then it dawns on me. She must be real good looking because no one's, no one's humble there. No one's told her to shut up. No one straighten her out. Oh, Jen, you give me a headache. Drew, I got to let another one of these go. Not yet. I'll tell you.

31:25 Always try to remember what to do if the atom bomb explodes right then. It's a bomb.

31:30 Adam Duck and cover.

31:31 Drew Duck and cover, man.

31:31 Adam Drew, as a doctor, have you smelled a fart that has been worse?

31:35 Drew No.

31:35 Adam Nothing worse?

31:36 Drew No. And I've been to some amazing places.

31:41 Adam You've been to morgues, right? You've worked on cadavers?

31:44 Drew That's nothing.

31:45 Adam Nothing. Chrissy, you're 17.

31:48 Drew What is that?

31:50 Adam I don't know what it is.

31:51 Drew It is a plant smell of some type.

31:54 Adam Let me explain something. There's certain times, certain periods of time when you just capture lightning in a bottle. You know what I mean? It's magic. Everything comes together. Everything converges as one.

32:07 Drew We were talking about football games.

32:08 Adam Everything seems to be right.

32:09 Drew Wait a minute.

32:10 Adam I got it.

32:10 Drew No, no, no, no.

32:32 Adam Drew's on the floor. Come on, buddy, come back in the studio. The studio door is open and Drew's standing out in the hall with his headphones on. He's got about 20 feet of range on this thing. Hey, buddy, let's act like a professional. Get back in here. Okay, we got a job to do. Chrissy? Hey, I'm sorry about Drew's attitude tonight. What's the problem?

32:53 You're 17.

32:55 Guest I have like abnormal menstrual bleeding.

32:57 Adam Jesus, the mic smells.

32:59 Guest Symptoms of something.

33:01 Adam Drew's nose is bleeding right now.

33:02 Guest Oh, really?

33:03 Adam Yeah. I can't, Drew. All right. Drew's out in the hall.

33:20 Guest But I need Drew.

33:22 Adam Listen, I wish he'd do his job too, but apparently his little escapades are more important than your menstrual bleeding.

33:29 Guest I'm offended.

33:30 Adam He's coming back now. He's coming back. Come on, buddy. Jesus, come on. Grow up, would you? What are you, 43 now? Time to grow up.

33:41 Drew This really requires that concentration.

33:43 Adam Drew's trying to focus. So what could cause this?

33:49 Drew Give me some of that stuff for the-

33:52 Adam You need some methylatum on your upper lip.

33:54 Drew Oh my God. Oh my God.

33:55 Adam Yeah. Oh my God. You think you're bleeding too much, huh?

33:59 No, no, no, no. It's okay. I don't just clot when I bleed. I have tissue.

34:05 Drew Is there any chance you're- Well, that's normal, too, but-

34:07 Adam You got chunks coming out of you?

34:08 Drew Like the chunks.

34:12 I really don't think that's too normal.

34:13 Adam No, Drew's gagging over there.

34:16 Drew Not because of you.

34:17 Adam Come on, buddy. I got to get a little of that pie in me, Ann. What do you say? A little pie and a little more coffee. See if I can settle my stomach. All right. Hey, Chrissy. Drew, come on.

34:30 Drew Tell Chrissy what to do. Is there any chance you're pregnant?

34:32 Guest Oh, no. No.

34:34 Drew And this has always been this way when you have your period?

34:36 The past few months, yeah.

34:38 Drew Have they been more frequent or less frequent than normal?

34:40 Guest A little bit more frequent.

34:41 It started off like every two months, been like down to a month and a half.

34:45 Drew Have you, are you on any medication?

34:48 No. I haven't had medication since like February.

34:52 Drew What was that medicine?

34:54 Gosh, I had like mono or something, and they gave me several different medications.

34:57 Drew No birth control pills or anything like that? I'm starting to settle down.

34:59 Yeah, I'm starting to settle in.

35:00 Adam All right, I'm gonna hurry.

35:01 Drew So it's probably just you. The lining of the uterus literally sloughs off during your period. For some women, it's more overt, more obvious than others. And unless there's a lot of pain, unless the bleeding is uncontrolled, or it becomes much, much different than usual in terms of the number of pads you're using, that sort of thing, it may just be the way you're developing, that's all.

35:20 Adam All right, she's fine. Renee, you're 16. Whatever problems you think you may have, not as bad as the problem Drew is having right now.

35:31 Drew Absolutely.

35:33 Adam As a doctor, Drew.

35:34 Drew No, this requires concentration.

35:36 Adam Speak candidly. As a doctor, have you ever smelled anything like this come out of someone's ass?

35:41 Drew Not that I couldn't get away from.

35:43 Adam Oh, I see.

35:44 Drew Or wear a mask or something.

35:45 Adam Right, right. Thank you.

35:46 Drew I mean, it was stuck in this.

35:47 Caller Thank you.

35:49 Adam Hey, Renee?

35:49 Yes.

35:50 Adam What's up?

35:51 Okay, well, I called the show a couple months ago, and my mom's boyfriend was making sexual references around me and towards me.

35:58 Adam Oh, right.

35:58 Right? Yeah. The other was about three weeks ago, we were at dinner, and there's a fairly well-endowed woman. He made a reference. It turned into a reference towards me. I caught up, walked out, and I've currently moved in with my boyfriend.

36:17 Adam Right. Right. Your mom wasn't doing anything about this guy, right?

36:21 No. She's just like you're 16, you should be mature enough to deal with it.

36:24 Caller Wow. Great one.

36:26 Adam She's a saint. And now you're living with your boyfriend. How old is he?

36:30 He's 20.

36:32 Adam You called last week, right?

36:34 No.

36:34 I called like-

36:36 Drew Six months ago.

36:37 Like two months ago.

36:38 Adam All right. Same thing with me. All right. So how's it going living with your 20-year-old boyfriend?

36:43 It's good. See, the thing is, we're not living together. We have separate rooms and everything.

36:48 Drew Really?

36:49 I'm still a virgin, and so is he. We're going to wait until we get married.

36:52 Adam All right.

36:52 Drew Is he living with his parents?

36:54 No. He graduated high school at 16, and he's a CPA, and he has his own house.

36:59 Drew All right.

37:00 Adam I condone this in some bizarre way.

37:02 Drew Wow. There's something to it, but it's still not helping.

37:05 Adam Well, what's your question? Drew, don't you wish we had separate rooms tonight?

37:09 I was wondering if it would be better, in your opinion, for me to stay here.

37:15 Drew With your boyfriend?

37:16 Adam Yes. I give it my blessing. Your mother's a piece of work. Your stepdad is God knows what. You're a virgin. You got separate rooms. The guy's a CPA. He graduated high school at 16. Fantastic.

37:29 Drew The only problem I can see is that you still need a parent in order to launch you into adulthood. You're really not there yet. And you're going to be under the wing of this guy who has his own sort of agenda in this relationship.

37:42 Adam Drew, I'm going to launch you into the hallway if I let another one in.

37:45 Drew Oh, you're going to launch me into the latrine.

37:47 Adam I'll tell you what. I'm going to save it for the... If I have some coming up during the break, I'll save it.

37:51 Drew But the point is that you need to really stay focused on making sure that your development is attended to, not that you're subjugating your needs to this relationship.

37:58 Adam All right. I've never laughed so hard in my life.

38:01 Drew I've never been so disgusted in my whole life.

38:04 Adam Thank you. Thank you. All right. We'll take a little break. When we come back, Drew?

38:08 Drew Yeah?

38:09 Adam You going to be with us when we come back?

38:10 Drew It depends. It's in your hands, sir.

38:12 Adam All right. In my hands?

38:13 Drew Well, yeah, it's in your ass.

38:15 Adam Thank you.

38:16 You know what I'm saying out there?

38:18 Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

38:55 Adam No, I can't. I can't lie to them. I'm wearing sweatpants.

38:58 You might put an end to this.

38:59 Adam Hey, it's Loveline.

39:00 You might absolutely erupt.

39:01 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. That is my ass. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. It's Dr. Drew's birthday tonight, so he's pretty excited. I didn't...

39:14 Drew He didn't know you'd be celebrating.

39:15 Adam I didn't buy him a gift, but I made him my gift. Mine's coming from the heart.

39:19 Drew Is that where it's coming from?

39:20 Adam Well, it's passing it, and then it's moving down.

39:23 Drew Passing is a key word here.

39:25 Adam I've been letting hellacious gas go in the first break, so much so that it actually drove Drew out of the studio.

39:32 Drew Repeatedly.

39:33 Adam Yeah. Thank you. All right, Drew, why don't you put your computer down, and let's get down to business now. You've been goofing off. I know it's your birthday, but it's time to reel it in. Put your game face on, and let's get to the task at hand, which is helping teenage kids.

39:49 Drew Let's thank Ann for bringing the pie to it. Ann is going to really do some combat duty here in a minute and bring the pie in.

39:55 Adam I'll tell you, she better hope she gets here soon, because there's another prisoner that's about to escape. There's a storm a-browing. Yeah, Austin?

40:05 Drew Yes.

40:06 Adam You're 17.

40:07 Caller Okay, I have a couple of things. First of all, I think that we should, next time that Adam's gone or something like that, I think Jimmy Kimmel should take your place.

40:14 Drew That's actually a good idea.

40:15 Adam Well, the problem is, is I was gone, and I was with Jimmy doing promotions and stuff.

40:21 Dr. Drew is a more solid-finished organization than I ever was.

40:24 Drew He's done it with me before.

40:26 Adam How dare he? All right there, Austin, what's up?

40:29 Caller Okay, here's the deal. A bunch of my friends got together with me, and we put this blue food coloring stuff in some brownies.

40:37 Why?

40:38 Caller Because we thought that we'd be blue, and we did.

40:42 Drew Why don't you drink the blue?

40:45 Adam You don't have to put everything in brownies.

40:46 Caller Well, we're going to feed it to people.

40:48 Drew I see. Watch everybody. What was the blue dye?

40:51 Caller It was like we got it at a pet store to put in fish tanks in it.

40:54 Drew Oh my God.

40:55 Caller I guess it promotes ammonia or something like that.

40:58 Drew Oh my God.

40:59 Adam Yeah.

41:00 Caller Would that be bad for you?

41:02 Adam I don't know. Stuff you get at a pet store are usually not a great idea to eat. Thank you for that pie, Daniel.

41:07 Caller But the truth is, the pee came out really blue. The crap was exactly as brown as ever.

41:13 Adam Excellent. That is fascinating work.

41:17 Drew You know where he's moving. He's going down the logic of how do I make my things come out of my penis taste and look different.

41:26 Adam We're eating some lovely pie right now. Drew, if I worked one up now, wouldn't it be horrible for you?

41:30 Drew Yes, it would ruin the whole thing.

41:32 Adam Yeah. Brian?

41:34 Caller Yeah.

41:35 Adam You're 16. What's up?

41:37 Caller My name is actually Ryan, not Brian.

41:38 Adam Oh, Ryan. Yeah.

41:39 Drew Hang on a second, Ryan. I'm worried about what this thing was he put in these people's food.

41:43 Adam Well, listen, if you put in a fish tank and fish live in it, it's fine. Go ahead, Ryan.

41:50 Caller Yeah. You guys might remember, I called him Thursday and I had hallucinated and saw Queen's The Stone Age at Hobfest.

41:58 Adam Right. I remember that. Yeah.

41:59 Caller Yeah. Not only was my girlfriend listening to the show which she recorded also, played it for a bunch of my friends, and now they all think I'm a complete retard.

42:09 Adam Well, what did you say? What was your question? You thought you saw Queen's of the Stone Age in Arizona, right?

42:13 Caller Yeah. My girlfriend had asked me to have anal sex with her, and I was asking you guys about it. You guys thought I was bogus, right? So she and I sounded like a complete idiot on the phone because I actually heard the tape.

42:27 Adam Right.

42:27 Caller I sound like an idiot.

42:28 Adam Well, listen, everyone sounds like an idiot. That's why I don't listen to myself.

42:32 Caller Yeah.

42:32 Adam Well, it's my ass, you idiots.

42:35 Caller But you played the tape for a bunch of her friends and also a bunch of my friends, you know, even like my best friend Eugene. And now he thinks that I'm a retard, too. All right.

42:45 Adam All right. Do we care, Drew?

42:50 Drew What does he want?

42:51 Adam Whatever. I don't know. Do we care?

42:53 Caller I'm just trying to rectify the situation.

42:55 Adam All right. Here's how you rectify the situation. You don't exacerbate it. Situations where you get into trouble, you don't have press conferences and try to wiggle your way out of them. You know what it's like? It's like when you cut yourself, when you cut yourself in the kitchen with a knife or wherever, you don't try to... Oh, thanks, Ann.

43:16 Drew The smell. You don't...

43:18 Adam Come on. Hey, let Ann go, please. I was making one of my great analogies. When you cut your finger, you don't try to not uncut your finger. I know they screwed that up. But the point is you put a bandaid on it, put a little Bactene on it, and it'll go away in a week.

43:35 Drew Right.

43:35 Adam But you don't try to take the knife and pull it the opposite direction and see if it'll close the wound up.

43:40 Drew Right.

43:41 Adam You pull a boner, you screw up, people get pissed off, whatever it is, just lay low, things blow over, other stuff comes up. Right?

43:49 Drew I think that's reasonable.

43:50 Adam Thank you. Where are we going here, Drew?

43:53 Drew Was that him?

43:53 Adam Yeah, that was just him. Justin.

43:55 Hello.

43:56 Adam You're 14?

43:57 Caller Yeah.

43:57 Adam What's up?

43:58 Caller Well, my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him and my ex-girlfriend told me that, well, they're best friends, my ex-girlfriend. So she told me that she got fingered twice while my best friend was going out with her best friend.

44:17 Adam So let me get this straight, you fingered your dad?

44:22 Caller No, my best friend's girlfriend got fingered by my ex-girlfriend's girlfriend.

44:30 Adam No, right, right. Same things happened to me a thousand times.

44:34 Drew Ex-girlfriend's what?

44:36 Adam Someone's got fingered.

44:38 Caller Boyfriend fingered.

44:40 Adam Right, okay.

44:41 Caller My best friend's girlfriend, I don't know if I should tell him.

44:44 Adam No.

44:45 Caller I shouldn't?

44:46 Adam I don't, I'm going with no.

44:47 Drew It's not your business.

44:49 Caller It's not?

44:50 Drew Well, maybe I'm not understanding who this is.

44:52 Caller Like, beat him up, that kid, because it's like my best friend he's messing with.

44:56 Adam Okay.

44:57 Drew No, wait a minute. These are ex-relationships, all of them, right?

45:01 Caller Yeah.

45:02 Adam All right. Everyone's broken up, right? Yeah. Yeah. There's a weird thing.

45:05 Drew It's none of your business.

45:08 Adam I don't know what happens. It happens later on in life. You realize that after you break up with someone, they're allowed to go out with other people. It's part of breaking up. You know what I mean? That's how it works. There's something when you're in like high school and stuff or junior high that you break up with someone and it's been six months and the girl starts going out with someone else, like how dare you? Are you trying to humiliate me?

45:27 Drew You want to kill the guy. The weirder impulse, which is I'm gonna get that guy for doing that.

45:32 Adam Yeah. Listen, that's how it works, everybody. You think you just, what do you do? It's like a chick after you go out with her, it's like a racehorse that breaks its leg or something, just take her out behind the barn and shoot her. It's no good anymore?

45:45 Drew Over.

45:46 Adam Wait a minute.

45:47 Drew Maybe they used to do that.

45:48 Adam I may be on to something here. Adam?

45:52 Yeah.

45:53 Adam You're 15, what's up?

45:55 Caller Hey, I was wondering about a possible marijuana addiction affecting my medications.

46:00 Drew What medicine?

46:02 Caller I'm on 350 milligrams of Depakote, 100 milligrams of Zoloft, and I've been on Trazodone, Ambien, Clonopin, all this.

46:14 Adam Well, you're 15.

46:15 Drew I know. But you're not going to be able to maintain any effect, really any significant sustained effect of mood stabilizing medication if you're smoking pot.

46:26 Adam Jesus Christ, when I was 15, I barely had an Aspergum. Hey, Adam?

46:31 Caller Yeah.

46:32 Drew It's bipolar though.

46:33 Adam All right. But here's my message to you, Adam. As you know, I'm a genius, right? I am. I really am. My brain and ass should be in the Smithsonian after I die. Maybe even before I die. Drew, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

46:46 Drew People should be whole.

46:47 Adam You'd like if my ass was in Washington DC right now and sit in the studio, right? All right. So Adam, here's the deal. You got a few problems, little chemical problems. Your brain's not working as well as it should. That's all right. Thank God you're living in this century and this time. You know what I mean? Because a hundred years ago, they'd probably just chain you to a radiator in the bottom of some hospital and whip you every day. Right. Now you have a chance at a good life. Everything can work out. But don't screw it up with the pot. Give yourself a little break.

47:19 Drew And if you're an addict, get treated for that. That might be your major underlying problem here.

47:24 Adam And life is going to be difficult enough for you. Don't make it more difficult. Why are you adding an extra factor? It's already a little bit of an uphill climb.

47:34 Drew But his thing is, it feels better and better with his natural...

47:36 Adam Do what your doctors tell you. Do your work. And work on yourself, Adam. And don't smoke the weed, please.

47:43 Drew Get in some 12-step recovery, because marijuana work, particularly with bipolar, really works against your chemistry. And I take all that medicine sort of for not.

47:53 Adam All right, Drew, can we play a song so I can eat this pie? I'm just trying to be insane.

47:56 Drew Sure. Let's go.

47:57 Adam Tony?

47:58 Yeah.

47:59 Adam You're 14.

48:00 Caller Yeah.

48:01 I have a problem with my nipples.

48:03 Adam I see.

48:03 They look weird.

48:06 Caller Yeah.

48:08 Adam Like in what way?

48:09 Like they look like a circle and they're cut sideways.

48:12 Drew Oh, that's weird.

48:13 Adam Hold on. Let me grab a pen and pencil here. Your nipples are spherical. They're sort of a cylinder shape, they're round.

48:21 Yeah. No, they look like normal, like they pop out. Except they look like they're cut sideways in the center.

48:29 Adam They're cut, so it's like you have that little smiley face nipple.

48:34 Drew They're folding in a little bit.

48:36 Adam You got that crease. You see it in women sometimes.

48:38 Yeah.

48:39 Drew Normal.

48:39 Adam Yeah. Fine. That's good times.

48:41 I just want to know if it's normal.

48:43 Drew Normal.

48:43 Adam Yeah. You're good. It looks like if you put a nose on your sternum, it would look like an Asian chick laughing, right?

48:51 Caller Yeah.

48:53 Adam What is this? Those two slits going, right?

48:55 Drew Yeah, that's it.

48:56 Caller Yeah.

48:56 Adam There you go. Hi, Tony.

48:58 All right.

48:59 Adam You're all right.

49:00 All right.

49:00 Adam All right. What goes on with the nipples? A lot of nipple action going on with guys in puberty. They get lumps, they get shapes, they get retracted. What is that?

49:10 Drew That's the hormones influencing a hormone-responsive tissue.

49:15 Adam Yeah.

49:16 Drew If they had ovaries, guess what would happen?

49:18 Adam Geez, I got to get another fart going here.

49:20 Drew No, you don't.

49:21 Adam I really do. As I was thinking, you know, maybe we'll go to break, and I'll eat this pie. And then I thought, well, I haven't broken.

49:28 Drew Let's get the food out of the room first. Give me that pledge.

49:31 Adam The food could be shoveling more coal into the fire.

49:35 Drew I understand we're stoking the flames here, but let's at least remove the food from the room because you might see it again for me.

49:41 Adam Right, right, I'm trying to get something going. I don't know, can I hop up and down or something?

49:48 Drew You keep assuming that position scares the hell out of me.

49:51 Adam I did my best work on the ride over.

49:53 Drew Every time he leans back in the chair, puts one foot up on the console, holds the mic on his chest, and that's it. That's the position. No, come on.

50:01 Adam I'm going to crap at my pants. You know what the worst thing is? Tell me if you've ever done this. This is horrible. You've probably done it in pajamas. I wear sweatpants with no underpants sometimes. You go and you take a leak in the bathroom there, and then you give your wiener a little shake, and then you drop it back in your sweatpants, and you start walking, and a drop falls off it on your thigh, and you can feel it roll all the way down your knee into your sock or your shoe. Ever happen? Drew, you know what I'm talking about, right?

50:30 Drew Yeah, I'm 42, of course.

50:31 Adam Like when you're in pajamas especially.

50:33 Drew Sweat, sweat.

50:34 Adam Oh, oh, oh, oh, wait a minute. Boy, am I drunk.

50:41 Drew Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

50:50 Adam Hey, come on, buddy, get back in here. Let's do a radio show. Let's keep it rolling here. John, you're on Loveline. Adam Corolla is Dr. Drew over there. What's your brown, buddy, 16?

51:01 Oh, yeah, 16.

51:01 Adam Oh, man.

51:04 Caller You're right out of.

51:04 Adam Oh, man. Oh, man.

51:09 I'll get to the point.

51:10 Adam It's big.

51:12 Caller This morning, this morning at like 3 a.m. Yeah.

51:16 My girlfriend and I had unprotected sex. And we didn't go for that long just because we just wanted to see how it felt like and everything, you know?

51:24 Caller Yeah.

51:25 And so then I pulled out.

51:27 Drew That's why I didn't go for that long.

51:28 Adam Drew's yelling from the hall.

51:29 Caller He's upset at you.

51:30 Caller He didn't go for that long just because they wanted to see what it felt like.

51:33 That she might have gotten pregnant.

51:36 Adam Yes, she might have. Hold on, Drew, nod your head if she might have gotten pregnant. Yes, he's nodding his head.

51:42 Right, okay, that's what I thought. I went on drdrew.com.

51:46 Adam Yeah, drdrew.com you went on.

51:49 Yeah. I got the list of places in the area.

51:53 Adam To get the morning after pill?

51:54 Caller Right.

51:54 Adam Nice.

51:55 Caller And the thing is, how much did it cost and everything?

51:59 Adam It was like 30 bucks.

52:01 Caller Okay, and is it like just 30 or is it going to be more than that?

52:07 Caller I mean, because I don't have a lot of money.

52:09 Adam Drew tried to come back in the studio and gagged and had to go back out again. Drew, how much is it? And do they have a student ID discount?

52:20 Drew It should be about 30 bucks and some places like Planned Parrot will do it for even less.

52:26 Adam Yeah.

52:27 Caller Confidential.

52:28 Adam And as I've stated before, 30 may sound like a lot to you, but I spoke to my dad the other day and he said he spent close to 90 raising me, although that was me and my sister, so I figure about 45 a piece. But still more than 30, right?

52:43 Drew Yeah.

52:44 Adam Yeah. And my sister got out of the house pretty early, about 16, 17. So it can run you close to triple digits oftentimes.

52:52 Drew Do you have any idea how distracting this is?

52:54 Adam This gas? It's, can you, please, grow up, would you? Let your nose go. Drew is doing the show with his finger over his nose like a five-year-old.

53:03 Drew I have no choice.

53:04 Adam We're gonna, we're gonna take a break. I'm gonna talk to Drew about commitment to this show and professionalism. And we'll be back after this. Back in a minute. Well, you're listening to Radio History. One of my biggest ass nights. I have not had this kind of gas since cousin Sal drove me and Jimmy from Long Island back to the JFK Airport.

54:05 Drew You had this then?

54:06 Adam It was close.

54:07 Drew Yeah.

54:08 Adam It was close to this.

54:08 Drew I didn't think you'd ever recreated this.

54:10 Adam And that was one of the greatest nights of my life, a one-hour car ride in the rain with this kind of power. Sal and Jimmy in the car. Oh, it was huge. But tonight's huge.

54:21 Drew How did Jimmy react? I just want to know how he manages. Was he applauding? Was he humbled? Yeah. Was he turned on by it?

54:30 Adam Jimmy is competitive. And he's an acely. And he feels it just like a heavyweight fighter feels it when he gets hit with a good cross. But he respects his opponent. You see what I'm saying? Yeah.

54:50 Drew Oh, no. You know what? I want some kind of, like, a mask.

55:02 Adam Anderson gave you 20 feet of mic cord. You might as well just go out in the hole and finish the show. Hey, your headphones going to make it?

55:09 Drew Yeah.

55:09 Adam All right. Drew's sitting on a trash can out in the hole. It's still probably going to get it.

55:17 Drew Oh, I'll get something. I'm a good 30 feet away here.

55:20 Adam Yeah, all right.

55:20 Drew Oh, it's nice feedback here, too. Why don't you guys close the door to the control room?

55:24 Adam Hey, Julie.

55:25 Shut down.

55:26 Adam You're 26. Julie.

55:30 Caller Yes? Yeah. Yes, I have a friend who's hooked on heroin.

55:34 Adam Yeah.

55:34 Caller And I want to help her to get off of it. And I was wondering, is there any way possible that you can tape a person off of it?

55:42 Drew Not that works. You can tape her off opiates, but it never works. It really never works. She has to go into a facility and stay there for several weeks. She has to.

55:52 Caller Okay.

55:53 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

55:54 Drew Okay, Proud Boy, you want to do something else for us?

55:57 Caller I'm sorry, what?

55:58 Drew I'm just so, you know, I'm out here in the hall. I'm about 40 feet away from the epicenter.

56:07 Oh.

56:10 Caller Okay, thank you.

56:11 Drew No, wait a minute.

56:11 Wait a second.

56:12 Adam Come on, help Julie. Come on, Drew.

56:14 Drew Where are you calling from?

56:15 Adam Jesus.

56:16 Drew Where?

56:17 Adam In Torrance.

56:17 Drew Torrance. Uh, the Delamo Treatment Center. Down there in Torrance. Give them a buzz. I'm sure they have an intake purse there. You can put them and put her in touch with right away. But she needs to be somewhere. It's not going to work outside of a structured environment, a place where she stays for a while. All right.

56:31 Adam You got that, Julie?

56:32 Drew It never works. Okay, Julie?

56:34 Caller All right.

56:34 Drew She has to bite the bullet and go in.

56:36 Caller Okay.

56:36 Adam Call that Delamo Treatment Center.

56:38 Caller All right. Thank you.

56:39 Adam All right. Drew, you may want to call somebody too.

56:43 Drew 9-1-1. What are you talking about? I don't know who's going down first, you or me.

56:46 Adam Now, let's just do a little-

56:47 Drew I'm actually concerned about you.

56:49 Adam Let's do a little ass recap.

56:50 Drew Yeah.

56:51 Adam I came on strong at the top of the show. I really established the first couple of rounds.

56:58 Drew A pattern.

56:59 Adam If this was a fight, I'll just use a fight analogy. I was a fighter. If this was a fight, I came out strong. I peppered with jazz, but I came with some haymakers too. I came out very strong in the early round.

57:12 Drew I'm just thinking like running back in the opening kickoff. You just.

57:15 Adam Then, no, I'm sticking with the fight thing. Then in the mid rounds, I cruised a little. I moved, I bobbed, I weaved.

57:22 Drew You landed a couple.

57:22 Adam I moved around. I threw a couple of Widowmakers, but I basically just got on my horse and moved around.

57:28 Drew Now, I'm on the ropes.

57:29 Adam Now, in the later rounds.

57:30 Drew And you're pounding.

57:31 Adam Now, I'm coming back again.

57:32 Drew Forget it.

57:32 Adam I caught my second win. I'm coming back strong.

57:35 Drew I was already on the ropes though. Come on.

57:36 Adam That's right. But listen, you got to have the killer instinct. You got to be able to put your opponent away. All right. I'm just going to... Drew, you can't pick the call, so let's go from the top to the bottom here. Nathan?

57:46 Caller Yeah.

57:46 Adam You're 16.

57:48 Caller Yeah. First of all, I just want to tell you that Adam, the man show is so awesome.

57:52 Adam Thank you.

57:53 Caller Yeah, without a doubt.

57:54 Adam Thank you. I'm almost as proud of that as the him of the gas I have tonight.

57:59 Caller Oh, yeah?

57:59 Adam Yeah. Drew is literally out in the hole sitting on a trash can holding a mic.

58:03 Drew The trash can has turned upside down. I'm sitting...

58:05 Adam With a 20-foot cord on it.

58:07 Drew There it is.

58:08 Caller And the man show boy, like, he's cool.

58:10 Adam Oh, yeah. Homeschooled.

58:12 Caller Yeah.

58:12 Adam What's up there, Nathan?

58:14 Caller All right. The other night, I went to this party, and I had a little bit to drink and a little bit to smoke, and I just kind of don't remember anything from the night.

58:23 Drew Well, that's a blackout. That's a blackout.

58:26 Caller Well, it was just like, when you blackout, do you just like walk around and talk to people and everything?

58:30 Drew If you blackout to anybody else, you would look completely normal, but you have no idea what you've done. It's a block in terms of the ability to take information from the experience and file it in memory.

58:40 Adam Yeah, but Drew, every 16-year-old who gets obliterated off booze has a night like that. You know what I mean?

58:47 Drew Usually people that are non-alcoholics that get that usually are nearly toxic with the alcohol. You know what I'm saying? They're being carried around by their friends and that kind of thing, and people do that that are not alcoholics, interestingly. But the alcoholics tend to sort of drink in a pattern that causes them to blackout and still seem not even intoxicated to their peers, at least not severely intoxicated.

59:06 Adam How much did you drink?

59:09 Caller I had about ten beers in a joint.

59:12 Adam Did you seem... Is it you're out of it?

59:14 Drew Yeah, but not like carried around, staggering out of it. He's normal to his peers.

59:19 Caller The only thing I remember is...

59:21 Drew Oh, jeez. It's coming out here now.

59:23 Adam Is it?

59:23 Caller Good. Well, I remember laying down on the floor, and then I remember crawling to the bathroom every now and then.

59:30 Adam Throwing up?

59:31 Caller Well, I tried.

59:32 Adam Yeah, all right. Listen, I don't think the guy is an alcoholic. He's 16. He had 10 beers.

59:37 Drew He had a blackout. Blackout is mental note, a suspicion for alcoholism.

59:43 Adam Okay. Jay?

59:45 Caller Yeah.

59:46 Adam You're 16?

59:48 Caller Yeah, I'm going to the Air Force with my cousin this month, around the 23rd, and I heard about the Anthrax shot, how there's a lot of side effects against it.

59:59 Adam Yeah.

1:00:00 Caller I don't know what it did. I was wondering if Dr. Drew...

1:00:02 Drew Well, do they know the side effects, or there have been some theories about a potential side effect?

1:00:06 Adam I've seen special reports on it and stuff. There's a bunch of theories. There's a few guys who refused to take it.

1:00:12 Drew Right.

1:00:13 Adam Some people have some legitimate stuff. There's a certain percentage of people who have that with everything.

1:00:18 Drew Yeah, absolutely. With any vaccine, you're going to get some reactions, but my understanding is that that's an important thing to be covered for.

1:00:24 Adam Better you should risk that. So go ahead, Jay.

1:00:28 All right. All right.

1:00:28 Adam You have. Hold on. You have my blessing.

1:00:31 Drew Is there a vaccine? You're going to crap your pants.

1:00:35 Adam I can't believe that I'm being offended by someone else's fart. Oh, it's just a huge night.

1:00:44 Caller It's huge.

1:00:52 Adam We'll be right back. This is the greatest day of my life. This is a dream.

1:00:57 Drew Thank you for sharing my birthday with me this way.

1:00:58 Adam Is it a dream? Oh, Drew, get in here. Why?

1:01:04 Drew I know exactly what's going on in there.

1:01:06 Adam Drew, come here. I want to give you something. I want to give you a dollar.

1:01:08 Come here.

1:01:10 Adam All right.

1:01:12 Drew I'm sorry you have to enjoy this on your own.

1:01:14 Adam We've got to go to break. Hey, Jay, take that anthrax, all right?

1:01:18 Caller All right. Hey, another thing, man, about how you're going off about the weed the other time where you said people weren't fighting to get illegal and everything, all we need is a couple guys like you.

1:01:26 Adam That's right, fighting, fighting for the right to party, all right.

1:01:31 Drew Fighting, farting, partying.

1:01:32 Adam I got to take a break. It's Drew's birthday, everybody. Give him a present. We'll be back.

1:01:36 Drew Just like you did.

1:02:26 Oh, it's the greatest night of my life.

1:02:31 Adam Oh, my God. Oh, is that huge. I should get a medal for tonight.

1:02:38 Drew I should get some sort of award for suffering through this, huh?

1:02:41 Adam What? What timing? Oh, you better light those matches, son. Drew, do you have enough strength to get to the matches?

1:02:53 He dropped the matches.

1:02:54 Caller Ah!

1:02:56 Adam You got to blow them up. Hey, no, hey, you're lighting two at a time, buddy.

1:02:59 Drew Yeah, it's like the whole thing on fire.

1:03:02 Adam That's no fair.

1:03:03 Drew That ain't no fair.

1:03:04 Adam Come on.

1:03:05 Drew This is 50 hobo power. What are you talking about?

1:03:09 Caller For 150 hobo power.

1:03:10 Adam Anthony?

1:03:12 I'm here.

1:03:12 Adam You're 16. Oh, I bet you wish you were with us tonight.

1:03:16 Caller Yeah, I got to hand it to you. You're having quite a night there, buddy.

1:03:18 Adam Oh, a huge night. Huge. It's Drew's birthday, you know.

1:03:21 Caller Oh, hey, happy birthday, bro.

1:03:22 Drew Yeah, well, thanks. Adam's... Show me a good time.

1:03:27 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:03:27 Caller I'm just hanging in the studio there.

1:03:29 Adam What's up there, Anthony?

1:03:31 Drew Oh, my God.

1:03:31 Caller Well, I guess first off, you know, I just want to clarify things. I work over at the local pet store and the dude with the brownies, I guess.

1:03:37 Drew Yeah, what is that?

1:03:38 Caller Everyone's perfectly fine. We've done that a couple of times. It's just methyl and blue or whatever.

1:03:42 Drew All right, methyl and blue.

1:03:43 Caller Oh, and second off, the other night, you know, after the big football game, we all went to the local party. And I wasn't really expecting, you know, to get a whole lot of play, but ended up getting down with this chick. And I didn't totally want to have unprepared sex, so I ran upstairs and I got, you know, kind of the gloves you'd use to clean off the toilet. Everything just kind of slipped into the thumbhole. And I wanted to know if I'd be totally protected.

1:04:04 Drew Latex gloves.

1:04:06 Adam You used a rubber, like, sink glove as a condom?

1:04:12 Caller Kind of. It's not like the big, you know, fat...

1:04:15 Adam Not like the big yellow ones?

1:04:17 Caller Not the big yellow ones.

1:04:18 Adam But is it like the ones a doctor or paramedic would wear?

1:04:21 Caller Kind of like that, you know.

1:04:22 Drew Just kind of the house. You cut a finger off or something?

1:04:24 Caller Well, hold on. I slipped. I cut all the other ones with the pair of scissors, except for the thumb.

1:04:28 Adam Oh, you're very bold. Now, hold on a second. I just want to make sure we're talking about the same glove. Just listen to me. You say it's not the rubber ones like for washing dishes.

1:04:40 Caller Yeah, not those big things.

1:04:41 Adam But the latex ones, people don't use around the house per se. You know what I'm saying?

1:04:49 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:04:50 Adam Are these the same gloves that a surgeon would use or a doctor?

1:04:54 Caller I don't know. You kind of see them. They come in a little box, kind of like those, I guess.

1:04:58 Adam What color are they?

1:04:59 Caller They're just kind of a clearest white color.

1:05:01 Adam Okay. Those are probably the lightest. So use the thumb. Well, you're like MacGyver.

1:05:05 Caller Yeah.

1:05:06 Adam And use the thumb for a condom.

1:05:10 Drew Thumb?

1:05:11 Adam Cut the thumb off. Put his Johnson in it.

1:05:13 Caller I cut all the other ones off and use the thumb because I figured.

1:05:15 Adam Right.

1:05:15 Drew Well, I don't know what this is.

1:05:17 Adam You cut the thumb off and use that, right?

1:05:19 Drew Yes.

1:05:20 Adam Right. Okay. Boy, you've got to appreciate that. And it fit?

1:05:26 Caller It was a little tight, but.

1:05:27 Adam Yeah. It's a bad sign.

1:05:29 Drew What? It stayed on.

1:05:31 Caller It did. That's the only kind of thing I was, you know.

1:05:33 Adam And what did the chick say? This smells like the Tidy Bowl man.

1:05:38 Caller I don't know. She was just kind of.

1:05:40 Adam Oh, she must have been loaded.

1:05:43 Caller I'm not sure, but.

1:05:44 Adam I'm telling you, if you're calling from California, that's rape. Yeah. Jesus Christ. All right. So it stayed on.

1:05:52 Caller It pretty much did, you know.

1:05:53 Adam Pretty much. Yeah.

1:05:54 Caller It was a little tight. I mean, it was on there, but.

1:05:56 Adam And did you have an orgasm?

1:05:58 Caller You know, I kind of, you know, I'm just feeling pretty damn good.

1:06:02 Caller Yeah.

1:06:03 Caller I kind of had the orgasm going there. It was kind of, you know, it was at the party, so it wasn't the whole good flow going, but.

1:06:08 Drew What in the hell is he talking?

1:06:10 Adam I have no idea.

1:06:11 Caller All right.

1:06:12 Adam So what's your question, Anthony?

1:06:13 Caller I just, you know, wondering if I was totally protected and all that.

1:06:15 Drew No, you're not totally protected.

1:06:17 Adam 100 percent.

1:06:18 Caller Sure.

1:06:20 Adam I guarantee you.

1:06:21 Drew Not totally protected.

1:06:22 Adam So what do you, this is three nights ago?

1:06:26 Caller It was, yes it was.

1:06:28 Adam Friday night? Yeah.

1:06:29 Drew It's Friday night, so it's too late for the morning after pill.

1:06:32 Adam All right. Well, you just hang around and wait for that phone call. It's probably never going to come. Oh, cool. Listen, I don't condone his behavior, but I appreciate it on a certain level.

1:06:45 Drew I don't believe it actually. It just doesn't sound right.

1:06:49 Adam I don't know. Why not?

1:06:50 Drew How would that stay on?

1:06:53 Adam I don't know.

1:06:54 Drew The thumb. It's like this.

1:06:56 Adam Yeah. Well, maybe the guy's not hung too well. I'm distracted as well with my own gas. I can't get over it. I have a headache from laughing so hard. How dare you? Kim?

1:07:11 Drew I'm loading up on magic.

1:07:11 Adam You better keep those where you can see them.

1:07:13 Drew You bet.

1:07:14 Adam Kim, you're 15. I don't like more.

1:07:16 Drew No, I'm just getting ready for the assault here.

1:07:19 Adam Drew has pulled the matches from the Book of Matches, keeping them laying down next to where he's going to strike it. All right.

1:07:30 Drew Two inches from my hand.

1:07:31 Adam Kim?

1:07:32 Caller Yeah.

1:07:33 Adam You're 15.

1:07:34 Caller Yeah.

1:07:34 Adam Yeah, that's farting. It's funny, right?

1:07:37 Caller Hilarious.

1:07:38 Adam Oh, wait a minute. I got another one coming up here. Get ready. Now, don't light it before the fart.

1:07:44 Caller You guys talk about.

1:07:45 Adam It's hard to hear you over the sound of my hands. Okay. Oh, you better light another one, baby. Oh, that was good. All right, Kim. What's up, baby?

1:08:02 Guest Well, recently, my parents just found out about a relationship with my stepbrother.

1:08:07 Adam Uh-huh. Drew's having a relationship with my ass tonight. Your stepbrother?

1:08:12 Guest Yeah.

1:08:13 Adam Drew, one hour of farting. Solid. Now.

1:08:15 Drew Solid.

1:08:16 Adam Yeah.

1:08:16 Drew These matches work. I recommend this.

1:08:18 Adam All right. So, I know Jimmy swears by me. You need more, buddy? Yeah. How old's your stepbrother?

1:08:26 Guest He's 16.

1:08:28 Adam 16. How long have your parents been married?

1:08:32 Guest They've been married about five, six years.

1:08:35 Adam Uh-huh. And how long were they together before that?

1:08:39 Guest About a year or two.

1:08:41 Adam So, you met your stepbrother when you were like eight or nine?

1:08:46 Guest I didn't know that they were even together. I really didn't know him until he moved in.

1:08:54 Adam When did he move in?

1:08:55 Guest About five, six years ago when they got married.

1:08:59 Drew And you were ten?

1:09:00 Adam Okay, let's do a little loveline reenactment. You're fifteen?

1:09:02 Drew Yeah.

1:09:03 Adam So, you were eight or nine when you met your stepbrother? And then you answer with me, I didn't even know him. I didn't even know.

1:09:11 Guest My mom was dating him before my mom got a divorce.

1:09:15 Adam Okay, but you were nine when you met your stepbrother, right?

1:09:18 Guest I believe so.

1:09:20 Adam Okay, hold on a second. Oh, man. It's lucky we're getting such crappy calls tonight, Drew, because this is really the only thing that's keeping this show flow. Don't light another round. You're going to go through those matches.

1:09:40 Drew That's what's scaring me.

1:09:41 Adam Drew, you've gone through like 25 matches already. Oh, easy. Conserve, buddy. And we got a long segment.

1:09:48 Drew I need more matches.

1:09:49 Adam We got a long segment here, Drew.

1:09:50 Drew Oh, this is serious. I need more matches.

1:09:52 Adam Drew, we got a long segment. Don't be burning through those things so fast.

1:09:55 Drew I'm serious.

1:09:57 Caller All right.

1:09:58 Adam So, Jesus Christ. Don't you hate this Kim, by the way?

1:10:02 Drew Not yet.

1:10:02 Adam Hey, Kim?

1:10:04 Guest Yeah?

1:10:04 Adam Listen to me. You don't answer my questions directly.

1:10:08 Guest I'm sorry.

1:10:09 Adam I'm going to hang up on you.

1:10:10 Guest Yeah, I was nine.

1:10:11 Adam Okay, you were nine years old. You met your stepbrother. He was 10. Yes, you guys lived in the same house.

1:10:18 Guest Yeah.

1:10:20 Adam When did you start having sex?

1:10:24 Guest About a year or so ago.

1:10:28 Adam About a year ago?

1:10:28 Guest Yeah.

1:10:29 Adam All right. How often do you have sex?

1:10:32 Guest Not very often.

1:10:33 Drew How did your parents find out about it?

1:10:34 Adam How often? Hold on. How often?

1:10:38 Guest Maybe once a month or something.

1:10:41 Adam So you've had sex with him maybe 12 or 15 times?

1:10:45 Guest Oh, this just started about eight months, nine months ago.

1:10:53 Drew All right. So not a year, but nine months. And so therefore nine times? Once a month or nine months.

1:10:58 Adam All right. Ten seconds ago, it was over a year.

1:11:01 Drew Yeah.

1:11:01 Adam Now it's well under a year. Right?

1:11:04 Drew Yeah.

1:11:04 Adam Okay. All right. So Ann found some more matches. Ann can't get them. Ann, you're going to have to just time to a rock and throw them through the door. Yeah. Ann will get near the studio. All right. So Kim. Yeah. Did your parents find out or do you want to tell them?

1:11:20 Guest They actually found out while we were moving.

1:11:23 Drew How did they find out?

1:11:24 Guest My best friend wrote him a note asking like talking to him about it. He was stupid enough as to not throw it away.

1:11:36 Adam They found the note when they were moving?

1:11:38 Guest Yeah.

1:11:39 Adam The note basically said you were having sex with him?

1:11:41 Guest Yeah.

1:11:42 Adam When did they find out? How long ago?

1:11:45 Guest About a little less than a week ago, about six days ago.

1:11:49 Drew Is your stepbrother a problem guy? Difficult guy?

1:11:53 Adam Have they confronted you yet?

1:11:54 Caller Yeah.

1:11:55 Adam What did they say?

1:11:57 Caller They were shocked.

1:11:58 Guest They didn't have any idea.

1:12:00 Drew What are they planning to do about it?

1:12:04 Guest If they have any suspicions, we both have to move to our other parents' house.

1:12:10 Adam Well, why don't you just move? Well, anyway, are you in love with the guy?

1:12:15 Guest Yeah.

1:12:15 Adam You're in love with him? Isn't it weird living in the same house with him?

1:12:21 Guest Actually, I just moved back from my dad.

1:12:24 Adam Okay.

1:12:24 Drew You need to be back with your dad.

1:12:25 Adam How come you're not having more sex with him if you're in love with him?

1:12:29 Guest Just not a big thing.

1:12:32 Drew Sex isn't a big thing.

1:12:34 Guest Not to me.

1:12:34 Adam Well, I mean, do you guys cuddle and make out and stuff?

1:12:38 Guest Yeah.

1:12:39 Adam All the time?

1:12:40 Guest Yeah.

1:12:41 Adam I mean, let me ask you a question. If your parents were out of the house at work, wherever they were going out to see a movie one night, what would you guys do before you got found out about?

1:12:54 Guest Not all the time have sex.

1:12:58 Adam What would you do? Would you watch TV and make out on the sofa?

1:13:02 Caller I'd probably have sex.

1:13:05 Drew Oh, man.

1:13:06 Adam Jesus, are you dumb, Kim? My goodness. All right. So, okay.

1:13:12 Drew Here's the deal.

1:13:13 Adam What?

1:13:14 Drew Here's what she's defending against.

1:13:15 Adam I'm going to kill her.

1:13:16 Drew Here's what she's defending against. The guy just wants to have sex. He's in love with you.

1:13:20 Adam You think he's in love with you?

1:13:22 Guest Yeah.

1:13:22 Drew No.

1:13:22 Guest I know he is.

1:13:23 Adam You know he is.

1:13:24 Guest He told his mom he was.

1:13:27 Drew He told his mom that? That's what he said?

1:13:30 Guest Well, when his mom found out about it, he told his mom that he was really close to his mom.

1:13:37 Adam Right.

1:13:38 Guest And he told his mom that he was in love.

1:13:41 Adam Okay. So you two were in love.

1:13:43 Drew Why do I feel like this kid at the mail is a real problem?

1:13:47 Adam You know what? Hold on a second. Let me talk to Drew. Up until now, I've been letting my ass do the talking.

1:13:52 Drew You sure have.

1:13:53 Adam But now this is Ace Corolla here talking. The guy is 16. She's 15. They're living together. Their parents decided to get married, but they didn't. She's living down the hall. He's 16. You know what it's like when you're 16 as a guy. You can be in love.

1:14:09 Drew But here's what bothers me is she sort of gets into this. The older guy brings her on into it. And of course, the guy wants to do this with any girl in the vicinity.

1:14:18 Adam He's a year older.

1:14:19 Drew Now she's going to be exquisitely honest and direct with you. And she's answering the questions very, very clearly, except when you start questioning her about him. Then it becomes very bizarre.

1:14:29 Adam All right. But he told mama he was in love with her.

1:14:32 Drew So he says.

1:14:33 Adam Oh my God. That is a parent's nightmare. Yeah. Well, listen, he wouldn't lie about that. Kim, how do you know he told his mom he was in love with you?

1:14:42 Guest He told me we talk.

1:14:44 Adam Okay. So what does he want to do?

1:14:50 Drew In a sentence, what does he want to do?

1:14:52 Guest I think he wants to keep it going.

1:14:55 Drew Not what is, what does he say he wants to do?

1:14:58 Guest He says that he wants to stop for now because neither one of us wants to be...

1:15:04 Adam All right. I'm starting to go with Drew on this. All right. So you have to stop, Kim.

1:15:09 Drew He's not into it, Kim. He is not into it.

1:15:11 Adam The cat's out of the bag. He wants to stop. You need to stop.

1:15:15 Drew He is not into it the way you think he is.

1:15:17 Adam How are you going to live with someone you're in love with, though?

1:15:21 Drew You need to go back with your dad. You look back, the year you look back at this and you go, oh my god, how did I get drawn into this by this idiot?

1:15:28 Adam Kim, can you go back with your dad?

1:15:30 Drew How could I believe this guy was in love with me?

1:15:32 Guest I really don't want to.

1:15:34 Adam Why not?

1:15:36 Guest Just the school here offers a lot more.

1:15:39 Adam Okay. You think you can live with this guy and not have a relationship with him?

1:15:46 Guest I sure hope so.

1:15:48 Adam All right, well that's what you have to do.

1:15:49 Drew He's not in love and he's not the guy you think he is.

1:15:52 Adam All right. I don't know why guys are automatically evil.

1:15:55 Drew It's just...

1:15:56 Adam All right. You're right. All right. I'll buy that.

1:15:59 Drew Not that he's evil. I didn't say... He's just not who he thinks she is.

1:16:02 Adam Imagine the torture of falling in love with someone you're living with when you're in high school and you got to see this guy walk up and down the hall. You know when the shower's running, he's in the shower. Oh, the phone rings. It's a girl. Friday night. That's date night. Imagine that.

1:16:24 Drew Yeah. And this is the reason that it's not a great idea for people to have sex under the age of like 17.

1:16:31 Adam All right.

1:16:32 Drew Because what happens is the bond is so intense you feel like you're in love but you're not.

1:16:36 Adam Rolling?

1:16:37 Drew You're just attached.

1:16:38 Adam Getting a little cathartic. Now Drew, you're 22. What's going on?

1:16:41 Hey, good evening, Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:16:46 Adam Drew's birthday tonight, everybody.

1:16:47 Yes, it is.

1:16:48 Caller Happy birthday, Bruce.

1:16:49 Adam No, that's Drew. Bruce is the guy who fills in for us.

1:16:55 Well, anyway, the question is, how can I protect myself from oral sex on women?

1:17:03 Adam What are you talking about?

1:17:04 Well, if I go down on a girl, what kind of diseases can I contract?

1:17:07 Drew All of them.

1:17:08 Adam Really?

1:17:09 Drew You name it.

1:17:09 Adam But you never do, do you?

1:17:10 Drew Any of them you can.

1:17:11 Adam All right. You can use the dental dam. You do what I do. You put a trash bag on your head, and you stuff your whole head in the vagina.

1:17:19 Yeah. Well, let me die. Okay. That answered my question. I know I need some type of protection. But let me tell you about my fart story.

1:17:25 Adam Yeah.

1:17:26 More importantly. When I was just with my mom, and she was in the kitchen, and she was standing by the stove, I said, cooking eggs, mom? She says, no, I just farted.

1:17:37 Adam That's nice. Oh, boy. It's my job safe.

1:17:41 Caller I got another one here.

1:17:43 Adam Get ready to do those matches, Drew. Oh, yeah. Oh.

1:17:51 Drew And bring those matches in here. Air lift them in.

1:17:53 Adam That ain't going to be enough. That ain't going to be enough, Drew.

1:18:02 Drew No, it isn't.

1:18:04 It's getting through.

1:18:06 Adam I hate to have to wave it at you, but it's my job. All right. Come on, Drew. Let's do the show. Focus now, buddy.

1:18:13 Drew I'm trying to focus.

1:18:15 Adam Sophia?

1:18:16 Yeah.

1:18:16 Adam You're 16.

1:18:17 Caller Yeah. I just broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago, and he's threatening to kill himself, and I have no idea what to do.

1:18:24 Adam Drew's threatening to kill himself there in the commercial if I farted again. Oh, this is so bad in here, Sophia. So bad.

1:18:31 Caller Thank you.

1:18:32 Adam Drew, how many matches have you lit? This is one of the packs. You just went through a book.

1:18:37 Drew A book of matches.

1:18:37 Adam Okay. Sophia? Yeah. When's the last time you spoke to him?

1:18:42 Drew Today, actually.

1:18:43 Adam Yeah. Is he an unstable?

1:18:46 Drew Ann, throw them in here. I swear to God.

1:18:50 Adam Is he an unstable guy?

1:18:52 Caller Yeah.

1:18:52 He's still neglected at home.

1:18:54 Caller He has no one really to talk to.

1:18:55 Drew Well, look.

1:18:56 Adam But here's my point. Is he ever done anything crazy?

1:19:00 Drew No. Well, you know, at 16, and we don't know this guy and she can't make assumptions about what the seriousness of his threats are, I think any threats, you've got to react.

1:19:10 Adam Why did you break up with him?

1:19:12 Caller Because he's a jerk.

1:19:13 Adam What'd he do?

1:19:15 Caller He's real controlling and he's very selfish and I can't stand the fact that I'm independent.

1:19:20 Adam I see.

1:19:21 All right.

1:19:22 Drew But it's not, of course, your responsibility to sort of be responsible for his moods and his well-being.

1:19:29 Caller Yeah.

1:19:29 Drew But still, it's something as a human being, you want to be protective of him so that he doesn't hurt himself.

1:19:35 All right.

1:19:35 Adam Well, listen, here's what you do. And Drew, you stop me if you think this is irresponsible advice. Somebody calls you and says they're threatening to kill themselves. I wish someone had done this with me just once, just once, threatened to kill themselves. There's two things I wanted. I wanted to, in my life, they realize I'm not going to be able to do. I wanted to break a hymen. And actually, there's about four things. I wanted to break a hymen. I wanted to be barred from a casino for counting cards. I wanted to have my hands registered as weapons in some state somewhere. And I wanted to eat a pig's trough over ferals. And I wanted someone to threaten to kill themselves after I broke up with them. So far, only the pig's trough.

1:20:24 Drew Oh, you did that?

1:20:25 Adam Yes, yes, that I accomplished.

1:20:27 Drew Was that what triggered tonight's events?

1:20:29 Adam No. But listen, here's what you do. He calls and he says, I'm going to kill myself if you don't get back together. You say, we're not going to get back together. But if you're going to threaten to kill yourself, I'm going to call 911 because I have to.

1:20:43 Drew That's right.

1:20:44 Adam Because as a human being, that's right. I have to look out for you.

1:20:46 Drew So in other words, it's not that his threats are going to cause you to get back together. That's not the way you maintain a relationship. That's over. But if he is making threats, you have to either at least call the parents, but preferably just call the police.

1:21:00 Adam Yeah. I don't know if he has parents to call. Emily?

1:21:04 Yeah.

1:21:04 Adam You're 15?

1:21:05 Caller Yeah.

1:21:06 Adam Oh, man. Where are you calling from?

1:21:08 Oregon.

1:21:09 Adam Yeah, you couldn't get here. All right. What's going on? It's Drew's birthday tonight.

1:21:13 Happy birthday, Drew.

1:21:14 Drew Thank you, Emily. And Adam's celebrating.

1:21:16 Adam Yeah.

1:21:16 I want to congratulate you, Adam, on your wondrous night tonight.

1:21:19 Adam It's like the Fourth of July in my underpants.

1:21:21 That's amazing.

1:21:22 Adam We're going on an hour and a half and no kidding. I'm not counting the drive over or the Monday Night Football game where I was blowing Jimmy and his cousin Sal out of the den.

1:21:32 Drew Oh, so Jimmy has partaken.

1:21:35 Adam I gave the guest at a barbecue a couple of good shots before I left. But we're really on hour number three or four. How long can I go on, Drew? I dare not crap. I'll tell you that. I'll lose my thunder. Ann, throw those matches in. No, don't spray that stuff. What? Don't spray that crap around. Just give them the matches. Come on, be a man. Let's spray that Lysol air freshener in here. I'll have to breathe it in. Emily, what's your question?

1:22:11 I was wondering why people hallucinate if they haven't gotten enough sleep.

1:22:14 Adam Drew, what is that? He's reading a can of air freshener right now. Drew, don't spray it. I'm drinking coffee over here. How dare you? How dare you?

1:22:27 Drew Ooh, that smells good.

1:22:28 Adam Drew, why do people hallucinate when they don't get enough sleep? This stuff's going to make me sick, too. Yeah, don't spray that stuff around, you idiot. You've got some matches.

1:22:37 Drew It is one of the side effects of sleep deprivation hallucinations. Why? I don't know that anyone can explain specifically why. It's almost a seizure-like phenomenon that starts to occur at that point. People can't actually get seizures themselves.

1:22:48 Adam Well, yeah, it's like when you close your eyes, you see a bunch of colors. Why?

1:22:53 Drew That's different. That is-

1:22:55 Adam What is it?

1:22:56 Drew That is-

1:22:57 Adam Jesus Christ, that smells-

1:22:58 Drew That is the residual. I know it's awful. It's residual of the light effects on the eye.

1:23:03 Adam All right.

1:23:03 Drew But this is something that happens when people sleep deprived.

1:23:06 Adam Who cares? Chris?

1:23:08 Guest Hey.

1:23:08 Adam You're 13.

1:23:09 Guest Yeah.

1:23:10 Adam What's up?

1:23:10 Guest I just got to say, you roll?

1:23:12 Adam Who, me?

1:23:13 Guest Yeah.

1:23:13 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I'm having a big night tonight. Wow. I'm what?

1:23:19 Yeah, I'm sorry, dude.

1:23:20 Adam Yeah, I'm real. I'm having a huge night. Ann just brought in another thing air freshener. Drew, please use the matches.

1:23:26 See, 13-year-olds love it now.

1:23:27 Drew I know.

1:23:28 Adam Yeah.

1:23:28 I have a question for Dr. Drew.

1:23:29 Drew Yeah.

1:23:30 Guest Hey, does it smell like rancid or like funk smell?

1:23:35 Drew No, this is like nothing.

1:23:35 Adam How would you describe the gas?

1:23:37 Drew Rancid. Yeah, rancid, like something beyond, you know what like-

1:23:42 Adam What you've ever experienced.

1:23:43 Drew Like what your dog does.

1:23:45 Adam Yeah.

1:23:45 Drew That's like a different category.

1:23:47 Adam Yeah.

1:23:48 Drew This is like some other realm. Yeah.

1:23:50 Adam Thank you. You're saying I've taken it to the next level.

1:23:52 Drew Otherworldly, yes.

1:23:53 Adam Yeah. Whatever your worst day has been, put a couple zeros behind it.

1:24:00 Drew It really is what we were talking about earlier, is why dogs sniff each other's rear ends.

1:24:05 Adam Right.

1:24:05 Drew At a certain point, the smell starts transitioning into something else.

1:24:08 Adam Put it this way, Drew. If you just were driving or walking down the street and you smell what has come out of my ass, but you had no context.

1:24:18 Drew Oh, you'd be like.

1:24:19 Adam You didn't know it was a fart.

1:24:20 Drew I got chills.

1:24:21 Adam You wouldn't know what it was.

1:24:22 Drew You would not know what it was. That's right.

1:24:24 Adam You'd think you'd say someone's making deep dish pizza down the street.

1:24:29 Drew You'd say some sort of something that had been encased and smoldering for a long time got released into the water supply.

1:24:36 Adam I see. Thank you.

1:24:37 Drew Something that had been growing.

1:24:39 Adam Interesting. Chris, what's your question tonight?

1:24:43 Guest I just want to see you, Ruel.

1:24:44 Adam Thank you.

1:24:45 Guest My main question is, I love you the man show and everything, but is the Fox on the Hall of Fame?

1:24:51 Adam Is the Fox? No, the Fox passed away about six months ago.

1:24:55 Guest Yeah, but you should still put him on the Hall of Fame, dude.

1:24:57 Adam Oh, do induct the Fox into the Hall of Fame?

1:25:01 Guest Yeah.

1:25:01 Adam Yeah, that's not a bad plan. We usually kind of make fun of the people we induct into the Hall of Fame.

1:25:07 Guest Yeah, but he should be up there.

1:25:08 Adam Yeah, you're right. That's a good call. I'll tell Jimmy about that tomorrow. We'll talk about it.

1:25:13 Guest Another thing, for Drew's birthday cake, you should light one candle and fire and light all the others.

1:25:18 Adam That's another good call. Hey, Chris, you're really my kind of guy.

1:25:22 Drew That's a career head for you.

1:25:23 Adam Hey, you need a big brother? Someone to kind of take you under his wing?

1:25:28 Caller Yeah.

1:25:29 Adam You know what I mean?

1:25:29 Caller That's cool.

1:25:30 Adam Yeah. All right, buddy, you have a question or you just want to keep talking? All right, loving you, buddy.

1:25:35 Caller Okay.

1:25:36 Adam Take care of yourself. There's a mature fan. We should score some hoes. That's Team.

1:25:43 Drew Team, that's right.

1:25:44 Adam That's Team, the Russian rapper.

1:25:48 Drew What would those guys have been? Were they appreciated this night?

1:25:51 Adam I said to Tim and Nate, Nate was my Catholic little brother. Nate was about five. When Nate was in the 10th grade, he's probably weighed about 88 pounds or something. When Tim was in the 10th grade, Tim weighed about 265 and they're both lamenting over not being able to get dates. I said, don't worry. By the time you get in the 11th grade, you get all those hot freshmen and sophomore. Tim said, who are you kidding? Nate is too skinny and I'm too fat.

1:26:23 Caller I thought, yeah. Yeah.

1:26:28 Adam Not going to argue with him. It was the kind of thing where I started to like pipe up because I felt like it needed a follow up. Like, oh, and I just kept driving. I'll just turn the radio up and keep going. I'm not going to. The man can only handle so much BS in one afternoon. I'm not obligated to BS that.

1:26:47 Drew Speaking of which.

1:26:48 Adam Oh, yeah. We're going to take a break. I'm going to say, still going good, huh, Drew?

1:26:52 Drew Good. That's the word. Yeah. Still going along. Going strong.

1:26:55 Adam Still going strong.

1:26:56 Drew Yeah.

1:26:57 Adam All right. We'll see where this rollercoaster of an ass ride goes after this.

1:27:05 Um, back in a minute.

1:27:37 Adam It's Love Line, I'm Adam Perot, and that is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Drew, celebrating his birthday tonight, everybody. In grand fashion, I might add. Drew, what happened right after we went to commercial break?

1:27:54 Drew Well, as you stood up as always, and still seem to be enjoying the afterglow of your success here this evening. And let one fly conservatively 8 inches from my face. Well, the back of your head. My face nearly knocked me out of the chair.

1:28:13 Adam Well, listen, my ass was probably about 8 inches away from your head. But if you count the thickness of your head, your face being on the other side of it, it's probably more like 12, 14 inches.

1:28:22 Drew Let's be fair.

1:28:24 Adam Let's be fair.

1:28:26 Adam And then Drew sprayed wizard all over this place. My coffee is now ruined. How dare you? Grow up. Anthony, you're 27.

1:28:36 Caller Yeah. I have a question. When I have sex with my wife, and this is another thing before my former girlfriend, after I complete the act, my semen drips out of her.

1:28:53 Drew That's supposed to happen. That's the excess.

1:28:56 Caller Okay. The problem, well, the three, I don't know, I'm just maybe kind of...

1:29:01 Drew Many, many millions of sperm are left behind, I guarantee it.

1:29:04 Caller I'm kind of self-conscious because a while ago, I had a fungus on my finger and they gave me some pills and I had to take blood tests monthly and they said it was a possibility I might get some type of liver disease from it.

1:29:22 Drew Yeah, but you had fungus in your fingernails.

1:29:24 Caller Yeah.

1:29:24 Drew Yeah. And so they treated it with the flu can or something.

1:29:27 Adam So what's up? What does this have to do with your dripping semen?

1:29:30 Caller They said there's a possibility because the stuff, it was so, I don't know, it was the pills were strong that I could be sterile for that year.

1:29:39 Drew Yeah, it could affect your sperm.

1:29:41 Caller And I'm thinking, and that was like four years ago, I'm thinking maybe-

1:29:44 Drew Just while you're taking it, that's all.

1:29:45 Caller Just while you're taking it?

1:29:46 Drew Yeah.

1:29:47 Caller So it's just that, because we've been trying for the past year to have a baby.

1:29:51 Adam Tell her not to walk around after you're done. Tell her to lay down, put her legs up, and shake them. Get it- Let me tell you like how you compact, you know when you pour concrete, you put the hose in there, you shake it around a little, make sure it settles down into the form. She needs to do the same thing, right?

1:30:09 Caller Yeah. No.

1:30:10 Adam No?

1:30:11 Caller No.

1:30:12 Adam Drew, is there anything to that? Why not?

1:30:14 Caller No.

1:30:15 Adam On your back? You know what I mean?

1:30:18 Caller No.

1:30:18 Adam Why not? I mean, if you're trying to get pregnant, should you not be on top?

1:30:24 Drew The sperm is going to get there.

1:30:26 Adam Yeah, but wouldn't you have more for a longer period of time?

1:30:28 Drew No.

1:30:31 Adam I'm doing the math here. I mean, it's like...

1:30:33 Drew The issue in that is not, unless there's some major issue with his sperm, then it might. But, no.

1:30:42 Adam Yeah, I haven't broken wind, and it's been like two minutes now.

1:30:45 Drew Yeah. Well, no. I'm worried about what's coming.

1:30:47 Adam The storm may have passed.

1:30:48 Drew Yeah, right.

1:30:49 Adam Sharon?

1:30:50 Yeah.

1:30:51 Adam You're 23?

1:30:52 Caller Yeah.

1:30:52 Adam What's up?

1:30:54 Caller Well, first, do you want to hear something really neat about your station?

1:30:57 Adam Yeah.

1:30:58 Caller Okay, the advertisements?

1:31:00 Adam What station?

1:31:01 Caller It's 94.7 here, but...

1:31:03 Drew Where is here?

1:31:04 Caller Oregon.

1:31:05 Adam Oh, yeah, Oregon.

1:31:05 Drew Where in Oregon?

1:31:07 Caller Portland.

1:31:07 Drew Okay.

1:31:08 Caller The really cool thing is, like, 20% is... I'd say 57% of it is all crap about social issues and...

1:31:17 Adam You'd say 57%? Because we talked... I told them no higher than 56% of memo I sent our Oregon affiliate... Of course... .just last week. And now they burn me by going 57%. Yeah. This is a slap in the face.

1:31:29 Caller Ouch.

1:31:30 Adam So what's your point?

1:31:32 Caller 20% of it is, like, clean air, clean earth, clean sidewalks, that sort of thing.

1:31:36 Adam Yeah, like PSAs.

1:31:38 Caller Yeah.

1:31:38 Adam Right?

1:31:39 Caller There's no way that that s*** ever hit our broadcasting...

1:31:47 Adam Um, hey, Sharon? Two... few things. First, you can't use the S word, speaking of hitting the air. Secondly, I haven't broken wind in now three and a half minutes speaking of hitting the air. And thirdly, we're on late night, and they run the... they run those PSAs late night. No. Yeah, it's not us. We're not doing anything good. Up your ass, you mutt! Right, right. Here's... people... Okay, let me explain something real fast. It's an interesting thing. The FCC... is it the FCC? When they give you a station, a license, they have to run, this is TVN radio, a certain amount of public service announcements per month or per year, or whatever it is. And these are things telling you about not leaving your laptop computer unattended at the airport. Very important things like that. Air turbulence. Remember we heard that one? We learned that your body is made for rollerblading, it's made for hockey, it's made for contact football, but one thing it's not made for, it's air turbulence.

1:32:56 Drew Hi, this is Martin Short with today's Eco Quiz.

1:32:58 Adam There you go. And Bill Cosby tells you to study for math. And once when I was high on mushrooms, I saw Peter Graves talk about motorboat safety at four in the morning when I was watching TV. And I thought to myself, I was pretty high on mushrooms, but I was watching Peter Graves and I thought, did he do a TV show where he played a captain? I couldn't figure out why Peter Graves was telling me to be careful when I was water skiing.

1:33:21 Drew I should have been Alan Hale.

1:33:23 Adam Yeah, hi, I'm Alan Hale. You know me as the skipper.

1:33:26 Drew Hi.

1:33:27 Adam From Gilligan's Island. All right, so they have to run these things. But now they run them late at night because it's easier to bury them and they don't lose as much.

1:33:37 Drew There's another layer to this. That's the satellite feed that they get and what they can't sell to other buyers, they just run the PSAs.

1:33:44 Adam All right, so anyway, Sharon.

1:33:46 Caller So basically your show is a toilet for all these commercials.

1:33:48 Adam That's right. That's right. That's right. That's a more apropos way of putting it.

1:33:53 Drew All right. Well, I get it.

1:33:54 Adam You bitch!

1:33:55 Drew There's something coming out of you right now.

1:33:57 Adam No, it's not me.

1:33:58 Drew Seeping out.

1:33:58 Adam Not me. It may have shifted. It may have come out of my pants. Go ahead, Sharon. What's your question?

1:34:03 Caller I called you up a few months ago. My boyfriend, I've been with him for six years. And he had asked me to have anal sex with him.

1:34:10 Adam On your first date? Yeah.

1:34:12 Caller Yeah. I had said no. And then I called up your show and I was feeling all wishy-washy about whether I should say no or whatever. And since then, I've said no. And he has been doing things like pulling my butt cheeks apart and fingering and just making it very apparent that he still wants to do that. I know that he accepts that I have said no about it. I don't think he's ever going to ask about it again. And yet, it obviously is a part of our relationship right now.

1:34:48 Adam How old is he?

1:34:49 Caller He is 28.

1:34:51 Adam He's 28?

1:34:52 Caller Yeah.

1:34:52 Adam And you've been with him for six years?

1:34:54 Caller Yeah.

1:34:55 Adam So when you were 17, he was 22?

1:34:59 Caller I was 16 and he was 23, yeah.

1:35:03 Adam Trying to do the math here.

1:35:04 Drew So he should be 30 now, right?

1:35:07 Caller No.

1:35:07 Drew How old are you?

1:35:09 Caller I'm 22. I just turned 23 today. Happy birthday, Drew.

1:35:12 Drew Hey, happy birthday to you, too.

1:35:13 Adam All right. The math's still a little bit funky. But anyway, there's a year missing somewhere. He was 23 and you were 16?

1:35:21 Caller Yeah.

1:35:22 Adam Yeah. That's a criminal. Right. That's an idiot.

1:35:25 Caller Well, it's over that point right now. I mean, I'm 23.

1:35:28 Adam All right. Here's the point. He's been banging away on the same chick for six years and he's getting bored, and he wants to explore.

1:35:36 Caller Yeah.

1:35:37 Adam You understand?

1:35:38 Caller Yeah, I do. But it's six years of my life, and I really love him, so.

1:35:43 Adam I know. I'm talking about your ass, not the relationship.

1:35:46 Drew This is that six good years dedicated.

1:35:48 Adam Drew's having a relationship with my ass tonight, too.

1:35:50 Drew It's quite a relationship, too.

1:35:52 Adam But this guy doesn't sound great.

1:35:53 Drew No, he doesn't. But this is that again. I've dedicated six years.

1:35:56 Adam Yeah. I'm not pulling out now.

1:35:57 Drew Yeah.

1:35:57 Adam Yeah. Here's what it is. I've been with this crappy job for six years. I'm not about to quit.

1:36:04 Drew Yeah.

1:36:04 Adam I could get promoted to another crappy position in a few months.

1:36:09 Drew Or I could find a whole new career that really was gratifying to me.

1:36:12 Adam Right.

1:36:13 Drew Not about to let that happen.

1:36:13 Adam I got six years invested with this horrible company that's going nowhere. I'm going to stick with it.

1:36:18 Yeah.

1:36:19 Adam Yeah. That's what keeps the man down. See what I'm saying?

1:36:22 Yep.

1:36:23 Adam That's poor man thinking. Sharon?

1:36:26 Caller You really think it's a horrible company, huh?

1:36:28 Adam I don't like this guy because he was 23 and he's dating a 16-year-old.

1:36:32 Caller Yeah. But get over it. I have.

1:36:35 Adam All right. Where was your daddy?

1:36:38 Caller I assumed that he was being a daddy when I was trying to rebel against the dad. Whatever. Over.

1:36:45 Adam Okay. Sharon, you must be good-looking too. You got to have something. Something's wrong with him. What's he do? Does he work with metal?

1:36:53 Caller No. He plans to map Mars.

1:36:57 Drew Plans what?

1:36:58 Caller To map Mars.

1:37:00 Drew To map Mars.

1:37:00 Adam Are you saying map?

1:37:01 Caller He has some good ideals. We're both intelligent people.

1:37:04 Drew What does he do for a living?

1:37:05 Caller We're both in college. He's going for a second degree.

1:37:08 Drew What's his... in what?

1:37:10 Caller Geography.

1:37:11 Adam He wants to map Mars.

1:37:13 Caller Yeah.

1:37:14 Adam Okay. All right, Sharon, you keep him away from Uranus. There's a little...

1:37:20 Drew A little planet...

1:37:22 Adam A little astronomy joke there. So he's going to map Mars. They say keep him away from Uranus. Yeah, that's good. That's good radio. Listen, I think this one's over. Oh, I don't know. Listen, you have all the control, women. If a guy's doing something you don't like, tell him... Tell him you don't like it. And he keeps going... cut him off sexually.

1:37:42 Drew It's over.

1:37:42 Adam He'll snap right back. You... Let me tell you something. Men are like the dogs and you are holding the can opener.

1:37:52 Drew And the bone.

1:37:53 Adam And the bone. And if the dog keeps scratching at your leg and keeps going nuts, you just set it down on the counter and walk away. Go watch some TV for a while. You see what I'm saying? They're like dogs who understand English. It's great. You just say it on. I'm putting the can opener down and walking away. Oh, wait a minute. Don't do the wizard. Oh.

1:38:13 Caller Power.

1:38:16 Caller I'm waving.

1:38:17 Caller Oh.

1:38:24 Caller Oh.

1:38:26 Caller Oh.

1:38:26 Adam Oh. Oh, that's a big one, buddy. That's a big one. Erin. Hi. Yeah, you just missed a good one. No, I heard it. Yeah, 19. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, Drew, come on. You lit two sets already. That's enough.

1:38:40 Caller What the hell it is?

1:38:42 Adam Erin.

1:38:43 Yeah.

1:38:44 Adam It's Drew's birthday.

1:38:45 I know. I heard. Happy birthday, Drew.

1:38:47 Drew Thank you, Erin.

1:38:48 Yeah.

1:38:49 Adam He's 63 years young. What's up there, Toadstool? I'm 36 years young. Yeah.

1:39:00 Drew Humor gets a little repetitive, doesn't it?

1:39:02 Adam What's up there, Erin?

1:39:03 I have a question. I was wondering if...

1:39:07 Adam No, don't. Come on.

1:39:08 Caller Oh, don't.

1:39:10 Adam Drew, don't spray that stuff around.

1:39:11 Drew You're like the Wicked Witch of the West.

1:39:13 No, I'm melting.

1:39:14 Adam Oh, that stuff smells worse than me.

1:39:16 Drew No, no, no. It doesn't.

1:39:20 Adam What's up, Erin? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's going on there? It's Drew's birthday.

1:39:33 I know. Yeah.

1:39:35 Adam No, don't spray that. Come on.

1:39:38 Drew We need a break. We need to take a break.

1:39:40 Adam All right. We got to take a break. Drew's got to find more match. You got to go to Lickers store. Hold on, Erin.

1:39:45 Okay.

1:39:46 Adam All right. You want to know if smoking pot's going to affect your pregnancy test?

1:39:50 Yeah.

1:39:50 Adam Hold on, Eugenius. Take a little break. Drew, don't spray any more of that around. Seriously, I'm getting cancer. All right, we'll be back.

1:39:59 Loveline will be right back.

1:40:34 Adam Well, hour 145 of Fartapalooza in here, drones. Still going, still going.

1:40:42 Drew Are you gonna be able to sleep tonight? You're gonna be lying in bed just in hysterics, yeah.

1:40:46 Adam How, like, I'm flamping my covers.

1:40:48 Drew Your neighbors are gonna be complaining.

1:40:50 Adam Drew, have you ever seen anything like it?

1:40:51 Drew Quite a performance. No, really? I'm stellar.

1:40:54 Adam Really?

1:40:54 Drew I'm impressed.

1:40:55 Adam And seriously, let seven or eight cubic feet of gas out in the car on the ride over. I mean, this is nothing.

1:41:03 Drew I've never done that before.

1:41:04 Adam You understand?

1:41:04 Drew No, this is something.

1:41:06 Adam I understand it's something to you. But the body of the work was done in the car.

1:41:11 Drew I'm surprised you didn't pull something where you wanted to ask me to come sit down in the car and see something or show me something.

1:41:17 Adam Let's make out.

1:41:17 Drew Yeah.

1:41:18 Adam All right.

1:41:19 Drew Like the coffee can.

1:41:21 Adam I'm gonna see if I can keep it going throughout the show, all right, buddy?

1:41:23 Caller You need to go to the doctor.

1:41:25 Erin?

1:41:26 Caller And get checked out.

1:41:27 Drew Who is that?

1:41:28 Adam Erin, you're 19.

1:41:31 Caller Yeah.

1:41:31 Adam Now, you want to know if smoking pot can affect your pregnancy test.

1:41:34 Caller Yeah.

1:41:35 Drew You mean whether you'll be able to be detected as pregnant?

1:41:38 Caller Yeah.

1:41:39 Drew Like an over-the-counter test you get at the pharmacy?

1:41:42 Caller No, I have a pregnancy test on Wednesday through the doctor.

1:41:45 Drew A blood test?

1:41:47 Caller No, they're gonna do a... I don't know if they're gonna do a blood test or not right now because I haven't had a period in a month, but this has happened before. I've had it before, like I missed it two months in a row. This is the second time it's gonna happen.

1:42:01 Drew It's not gonna affect the pregnancy test, but if you're pregnant, aren't you concerned if you're smoking pot all the time?

1:42:06 Caller Well, I'm not smoking pot all the time. It's just been... This is like a rare time where I just started. I'm not addicted to it and I'm not like a normal pot smoker, you know, just recently.

1:42:17 Adam All right.

1:42:17 Caller But I don't...

1:42:18 Adam All right, it won't affect it. Right. All right?

1:42:21 Caller Okay.

1:42:22 Adam All right.

1:42:22 Caller Thank you.

1:42:23 Adam I haven't smoked pot in a while. I was thinking about that today. Gotta get back in there. Sarah?

1:42:28 Guest Yeah?

1:42:28 Adam You're 13?

1:42:30 Guest Yeah.

1:42:30 Adam What's up?

1:42:31 Guest Um, my sister was clinically depressed and so it's kind of in the family. And, um, up until recently, I've been doing weird stuff.

1:42:42 Caller Like, I've gotten mad and stuff and stopped eating.

1:42:45 Adam Yeah.

1:42:46 Guest And not, like, for weight or anything. I'm, like, 95 pounds and six...

1:42:50 Caller No, five-three.

1:42:52 Guest No, five, six and a half.

1:42:53 Caller Ah.

1:42:54 Guest And, um, so it's, like...

1:42:56 Adam Hold on a second. Five, six and a half and 95 pounds?

1:43:00 Guest Yeah.

1:43:00 Adam That is rail, rails thin.

1:43:02 Guest Yeah. It's genetic. But it's, like, stopped eating for pain. Like, the pain I get when I... In my stomach and stuff.

1:43:12 Drew You like that.

1:43:13 Caller Well, I don't like it, I actually, like, it's terrible.

1:43:16 Adam You've been having pain in your stomach so you don't want to eat?

1:43:19 Guest No, like, like the stomach acids.

1:43:22 Adam You're right, right. All right, so how old's your sister?

1:43:26 Guest Who was clinically depressed?

1:43:28 Adam Yeah, the one you spoke of. Yeah, not the sister you didn't bring up.

1:43:34 Caller Right.

1:43:35 Adam We've got the greatest scholars in the world. I really, I'll put them up against anyone. All right, you're thirteen, baby. What's going on?

1:43:45 Guest I'm assuming it's genetic because nothing really bad.

1:43:47 Adam Well, how about you start eating then?

1:43:53 Guest Is it normal?

1:43:54 Adam No.

1:43:54 Drew Not normal.

1:43:55 Adam You should be eating more.

1:43:57 Drew Absolutely not normal.

1:43:58 Adam Yeah.

1:43:59 Drew To sort of use the pain of hunger as a way of distracting you from whatever emotion. Speaking of emotional pain.

1:44:06 Adam Don't spray that stuff around. Come on, just the matches, buddy. Get this out of here. Spray it right at you.

1:44:15 Drew No. I'm going to burn myself. I'm going to catch the building on fire in such desperation.

1:44:22 Adam That would be great. How did Westwood 1 burn down? Fault the electrical wiring? No. Adam was farting and Drew was lighting matches. And he stormed out of the room when the matches fell in the waste paper can and the whole building went up. It's a complete loss. Hey, Sarah.

1:44:40 Drew I need more matches.

1:44:41 Adam This is a huge night for me.

1:44:43 Drew I need more.

1:44:43 Adam Huge. Hey, it's Drew's birthday.

1:44:46 Guest Yeah. Happy birthday.

1:44:46 Adam Yeah. Thank you.

1:44:47 Drew I'm celebrating.

1:44:48 Adam All right. So.

1:44:49 Drew Starting out lots of candles.

1:44:51 Adam Can you start eating?

1:44:52 Drew Way more than I expected.

1:44:53 Guest Well, I can. It's just more of like a psychological thing.

1:44:56 Adam All right. Well, good. Then you can start eating.

1:44:58 Drew It's not normal to try to distract yourself from whatever emotional pain you're in by not eating. And there's something going on in your home that makes you so having such difficulty managing your emotional world.

1:45:09 Guest Yeah.

1:45:10 Drew What's going on?

1:45:13 Guest My parents are crazy.

1:45:14 Adam Oh, yeah. That's bad.

1:45:16 Guest I mean, yeah, my dad smokes pot and my mom's an ex-beat addict. All right.

1:45:23 Drew Well, this is not anything to do with genetics. This is the circumstance you were raised in.

1:45:28 Adam All right. Hey, Sarah?

1:45:29 Guest Yeah?

1:45:30 Adam Listen, honey, sorry you got to grow up so fast, but you have to.

1:45:34 Drew Why don't you go to Alateen?

1:45:35 Adam Start taking care of yourself. You're on your own. You'll sleep in your house. You'll go to school. You do well in school. You'll go off to college. You'll have a good life. Believe me, you will.

1:45:46 Drew But take care of yourself. Proper nutrition, exercise, that sort of thing. And go to Alateen. There's some place you can get some connection away from the family and maybe some caring.

1:45:54 Adam Listen, all you crazy kids out there, listen closely. I'm not going to, no, no fun. Now just listen. You don't have to be like your parents. It's all right to look at your parents and look at anybody and go, hey, that's not the way I want to be. I'm going to be different than that. I was talking to someone tonight about, I grew up without a dryer, a clothes dryer, and I was thinking, I was sort of talking about it to someone tonight about how sort of pathetic it was. And when I was a kid, it was normal. I was like, yeah, we don't have a clothes dryer. It was kind of, you know, that's an extravagant luxury item. But it meant, drying clothes meant, first off, you couldn't do a load of laundry at night because the stuff would be wet, and you couldn't go hang it out. And then during the winter, we had this rack that went over the, it was like a clothes rack that went over the heater that was on the floor, where the register was, and you'd like trip over it and you have to spread it around and stuff. We spent more god damn time and effort working around not having the clothes dryer.

1:47:00 Drew Would have been that much more expensive just to go to a laundromat?

1:47:04 Adam Who the hell knows? The point is, is my family is such a pack of idiots when I grew up. And like I said, no clothes dryer. Like you had to time things. I got one pair of good white socks that stayed up that I'd wear when I played football, and I had to wash them, you know, Saturday morning and then like dry them with like a hair dryer or something, you know, so I could wear them in the Saturday morning game. It was a nightmare, hanging stuff out on the line, and then it'd start raining, or you'd forget to take it back in. It was like, a clothes dryer is 250 bucks. We spent for 20 years. My mom got this clothes dryer. She got it like 10 years ago. I mean, I'd been out of the house for 15 years or whatever. I mean, from zero, my mother at age 50 did not have a clothes dryer.

1:47:52 Drew Well, that was a symbol of the man.

1:47:54 Adam I was saying to the person I was talking to, hey, listen everybody, if you don't got a clothes dryer by 50, cash in your chips. It's time to take yourself out. You kill yourself. If you make it to age 50 and you can't afford a goddamn clothes dryer, put a gun in your mouth, would you? But anyway, here's my point. And this is what I'm trying to send all of you tonight beside my gas. Look at your parents, understand the things you like about them. There may be a few things. My parents did have a couple of things they were good at, and I appreciate that. And then a whole bunch of stuff they were really bad at that I didn't like. And you know what? I said to myself, no way am I turning out that way. And that's what you guys should do. Your mom's a junkie. That don't mean you have to be a junkie. That means you shouldn't do drugs. Right. Your parents don't make any money. Make money. Your parents don't have a clothes dryer. You get two clothes dryers. I have a clothes dryer in the car. It's in the glove box. We'll be back.

1:48:57 Caller Love Line will be right back.

1:49:25 Adam Well, that's it.

1:49:27 Drew Thank God.

1:49:27 Adam It's been a huge night for me and my ass and all the fans of my ass.

1:49:31 Drew Huge.

1:49:32 Adam I don't think, I'm tapped. I don't got anything left.

1:49:35 Drew Your soul came out last. No.

1:49:39 Adam No, that's it.

1:49:39 Drew No, I get that position, I shudder when I see that position, though.

1:49:45 Adam I'm gonna crap myself, I don't, that's it. All right, well, it's Drew's birthday, everybody. Happy birthday, buddy. Thanks a lot.

1:49:52 Drew Quite a celebration.

1:49:52 Adam Fantastic. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:50:03 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, September 4, 2000