Episode 1000754887384

5:12 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

5:24 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Still in San Francisco, eh, Drew?

5:38 Drew Still here at Live 105.

5:40 Adam Fantastic. You sound a little weird to me.

5:43 Drew Really?

5:43 Adam How do I sound to you?

5:44 Drew We, no weirder than usual.

5:46 Adam Oh, I knew you couldn't resist that little opening to get one of your world famous digs in, Drew. How's the weather over there?

5:54 Drew Beautiful. How's it down there?

5:56 Adam Fantastic.

5:57 Drew And it's really beautiful up here.

5:58 Adam Yeah, yeah. It was gonna rain for the last few days, except for, you know what?

6:03 Drew No clouds.

6:04 Adam No rain. Yeah. Yeah, those weathermen. Boy, they are right on. Right on.

6:11 Drew Now you actually do sound weird to me. Are you tired or something?

6:13 Adam Yeah, I could be a little tired.

6:14 Drew Yeah.

6:15 Adam That's all right.

6:15 Drew A little loaded, too?

6:17 Adam How dare you? How dare you? No, I'm not loaded.

6:22 Oh, shocking.

6:24 Adam I realized after I said I'm not loaded, maybe the inflection wasn't quite right. Like, surprise, I'm not loaded.

6:31 Drew Whoa, tonight's different.

6:32 Adam Yeah, it was a defense meets surprise. No, I'm not loaded. No, I'm not loaded, Drew. No, I'm a sobers can be.

6:43 Drew You seem to be a little bit excited about the pageant last night, too.

6:47 Adam Yeah, she was cute. Yeah, you should have seen her. She reminded me of my ex-stripper girlfriend, Lindsay.

6:54 Drew Oh, is that right?

6:55 Adam Or as she was known at the club, Catlin. Yeah, very cute, very striking young lady and plenty of personality. But I went home with John, John Cryer, who's really the nicest celebrity in the world.

7:11 Drew Yeah.

7:11 Adam He is really just the nicest, sweetest guy in the world. All right, I should go over there and break bread with him. John?

7:20 Drew 29.

7:21 Adam John, who is 29, John? Yes, what's up? How are you guys doing?

7:25 I enjoy your show.

7:26 Adam Thank you.

7:28 I just got a question, I guess. I've been going out with this girl. And probably, Adam, you can help me out because I think you might have run into this situation a couple of times yourself. I'm trying to figure out how I can get her to swallow.

7:42 Adam Uh-huh. Did you ask her?

7:47 I've asked her a few times. So, actually, you'll do me in the shower, but not all the way, you know?

7:55 Adam Right.

7:56 Drew What the hell difference will make? You know what I'm saying, John? I mean, come on. You've got a great relationship. You've got to get your priorities in check. Where? I saw this question. I thought to myself, I'm going to get this serviceman dying in Yemen today, and this guy's worrying about this.

8:07 I'm not too worried. But I mean, I think it would add to the spice of the sex life, though. And I think it really kind of stems from a previous girlfriend that I had who, you know, didn't have no objections to that, and I enjoyed it quite a bit.

8:22 Adam By the way, she didn't make no objections to that. She didn't have no objections to that. But hey, John, where does your semen go with this girl?

8:35 Um, so actually, like, if we're in the shower, it goes down the drain. But if we're in bed, then I end up, you know, just, actually, it just doesn't go that far. And then we, we carry on.

8:51 Drew Oh, maybe you gotta lay off the other ends, right?

8:53 Adam Yeah. Hey, what are you on, ether or quailudes?

8:56 Right now?

8:56 Adam Yeah, or in general. Listen here, goofball.

9:00 Yeah, I'm pretty straight.

9:01 Adam Here's what I, here's, man, what a retard. Here's what I'm saying. I can't, here's a question I gotta get from John. Does, okay, I've made this speech a number of times. I'm gonna make it again. What we want, ladies, is not to be interrupted in the middle of the flow. So for about five seconds, you just got to kind of hang with us. And John, does she hang with you or does she interrupt in the middle of your flow?

9:29 Caller Uh, she doesn't hang.

9:33 Drew Does she understand what that means?

9:33 Adam Well, shut up. What? Because how come all of our callers, if I say, does she, does she interrupt or does she hang with the flow? She doesn't interrupt or she doesn't hang.

9:47 Drew Yeah.

9:48 Adam How come you can't just give me the A or B that I gave you? Because then I have to process what you're saying. You know what I'm saying?

9:54 Drew It's you that said it.

9:55 Adam All right. What do you mean it's me that said it?

9:57 Drew Oh, that's what I mean. Oh my God.

10:01 Adam What do you mean it's me that said it?

10:03 Drew I mean that, that...

10:05 Adam Okay, here's what I want to say.

10:07 Drew You're the man now. You're literally a millionaire. You understand?

10:09 Adam Okay.

10:10 Drew So you're the man. So you say something. It's got to be objection.

10:13 Adam Here's what I want out of our callers. If I say, are your parents together or are they divorced? I want you to say they're together or they're divorced. They're not divorced. You know what I'm saying?

10:29 Drew Yeah, I didn't.

10:29 Adam It gets confusing. Do you ever go out to eat with these people?

10:34 Drew Yeah.

10:35 Adam You know what I'm saying? There's always some confusion when they're ordering. It's like your wife. Lisa?

10:40 Hi.

10:40 Adam You're 24.

10:41 Caller Right.

10:42 Adam What's up?

10:44 Caller My question basically was like for either one of you guys. I have a boyfriend and I have a best friend that like doesn't get along with him.

10:54 Drew A best friend?

10:56 Caller Just recently, my best friend and my boyfriend went out to a concert and he left whatever and my girlfriend and I went out to a bar, drank whatever and then like we started going at it.

11:10 Drew You and she?

11:11 Caller Right.

11:12 Adam Right.

11:13 Caller And it's like, I don't know why. Well, I guess I know why it happened because maybe I wanted it to happen, but it's like I don't know what to do. It's like because she's giving me mixed messages about the whole thing. And it's like she wants to, but she doesn't because she's got her own problems where she's with a married man.

11:35 Adam Oh, okay. So are you saying you like your best friend?

11:39 Caller Oh, yeah.

11:40 Drew You do? But you like Laker.

11:43 Adam Huh? Would you shut up, Drew? I just said that.

11:46 Drew I mean, she's answered us though to say, oh, yeah, that's my best friend. I like her.

11:49 Adam No, I think she means she's attracted to her best friend.

11:52 Caller Well, yeah, a little bit, but, well, if I wasn't, I would have never done anything, you know? Right, right.

11:58 Adam Okay, so maybe you have feelings for her, and maybe you'd rather be with her than your boyfriend?

12:04 Caller No, I don't want to do it either, you know?

12:06 Drew Why?

12:07 Because, it's like, I mean, I totally love him.

12:10 Adam You love him? Right.

12:11 Drew So much that you cheat on him.

12:13 Caller Oh, I mean, that was going to happen, but...

12:16 Drew Well, no, your actions just don't... Yeah, your actions just speak differently. They say something different about what you're feeling.

12:22 Caller Right.

12:23 Drew All right. And we believe that actions speak louder, more clearly, more honestly.

12:27 Caller Right.

12:28 Adam So what do you want from us?

12:30 Caller I just, like, want to know, like, what should I do? Should I tell him? Or should I just, like, not tell him and just, like, leave the whole situation with my best friend and just, you know, be good friends with her? Well, I know it's not going to be good friends.

12:41 Adam Well, what are you going to tell him?

12:44 Caller I don't know.

12:46 Adam Well, what are you going to get out of telling him?

12:49 Caller Nothing, really.

12:51 Adam I know. You want to be with the guy. You love the guy.

12:53 Caller Right.

12:54 Adam So why are you going to tell him and jeopardize the relationship unless you want it to be jeopardized secretly?

12:59 Caller No, I don't.

12:59 Adam Well, then why would you even consider telling him?

13:03 Caller I'm not. I really don't want to consider, you know, telling him anything.

13:08 Adam Okay, then don't.

13:09 Caller But then it's like, why is she going to be like the way she is?

13:13 I mean, it's like, she's saying like, oh yeah, you know, I like you a lot.

13:16 Caller But then it's like, no, stop. You know, like, I'm such a bad person for doing this.

13:21 Adam Okay. Hey, Lisa.

13:22 Whoa, Lisa. Oh my God.

13:24 Adam You don't work around kids, do you?

13:26 Caller No. Well, actually.

13:28 Adam You do?

13:28 That's a funny story.

13:29 Drew No, not funny.

13:31 Caller No.

13:31 Nothing funny about it. I don't work with kids right now, no.

13:34 Adam Funny haha or funny Hitler being a vegetarian funny?

13:40 That would be funny.

13:42 Adam All right. Hey, baby.

13:43 Caller Yeah.

13:43 Adam You're kind of confused.

13:45 Caller Oh, yeah.

13:46 Adam All right. And you don't claim to be a lesbian, yet you don't seem to know what to do with your friend who's attracted to you physically.

13:54 Drew You don't like your boyfriend. You don't love your boyfriend or at least you can't tolerate being in love with him. You got to sabotage that.

14:00 Caller Oh, yeah. Totally in love with him.

14:02 Drew Yeah, but you can't tolerate it. You got to sabotage that. All right. Well, hold on. As soon as he finds out about... Listen, Adam, what's going to happen as soon as he finds out about this lesbian?

14:10 Adam Well, it's going to be one of two things, but they're all going to end up in the same place. Either he's going to dump her immediately or he's going to insist on a threesome and then dump her.

14:18 Drew No, he would never do that. She either goes to sort of, oh, this is just a fling or she's out completely, one or the other.

14:25 Caller Right.

14:26 Drew And that's where you want to be. Why do you want to be there with this relationship?

14:30 Caller With him or her?

14:31 Drew With him. Oh, forget it.

14:33 Well, because, I mean, it's a good relationship. I mean, everything's great, you know.

14:37 Adam Okay, well, it's built on a foundation of love and respect. Yes, I can see that. Listen, here's the deal. If you're truly, I mean, everyone just close your eyes. Picture there's somebody in your life who you're madly in love with and who you wouldn't want to lose under any circumstance, right? Now, what do you do? Do you tell them that you've been lezing off with your buddy who hates them?

14:59 Drew Or are you conflicted about it? Well, should I go with this other person? Shall I explore this relationship?

15:05 Adam Yeah. Why would you be conflicted if you're madly in love with this person? You have a great relationship.

15:10 Drew Absolutely.

15:11 Adam All right. I don't know why people, why do people go get so defensive about their relationships? Do you know what I'm saying?

15:18 Drew Yeah, because they have to-

15:18 Adam Or what's in it for them?

15:19 Drew They'd have to address what's really going on.

15:21 Adam But how about just saying, how about just saying, you know what, I, you know, I love this guy, but I do have some feelings for this girl, and I don't know if I'm totally in love with this guy. I mean, just at least make it believable so we can have a goddamn conversation about it. You're telling us out of one side of the mouth, you're in love with this guy, and the other side is you're dikin off.

15:40 Drew It's because if I'm in a love relationship, this is the way it has to be maintained, in chaos or at a distance. That's love for me. The way it is now is uncomfortable, so I have to push it back a little bit. Of course I'm in love with them. You understand? To them, as a matter of fact, as opposed to saying- As opposed to like you're saying, which is, why the hell would I behave like this, or why would I treat somebody I love like this?

16:02 Adam Drew, you're talking about yourself?

16:04 Drew No.

16:04 Adam Okay. Elizabeth?

16:06 Yes.

16:06 Adam You're 29.

16:07 Caller Yes. Thank you for taking my call.

16:08 Adam Sure.

16:08 Caller Any questions for Dr. Drew?

16:10 Caller Yeah.

16:11 Caller I am a recent PPD convert.

16:13 Drew So you're on INH?

16:15 Caller Yes.

16:16 Drew Beautiful. Do you work in hospitals around child, children or something?

16:21 Caller No, I do relief work.

16:24 Drew Okay. How many months are they going to put you on it?

16:27 Caller Well, they don't know. A minimum of six. And they said most likely up to two years.

16:31 Drew So this is a TB medication, Adam.

16:34 Adam PPD is a TB?

16:36 Drew No, PPD is a TB test. And if you convert, meaning your PPD little skin test is greater than 10 millimeters across, then you've had primary TB and you have to take six months of antibiotic, a kind of nasty antibiotic too.

16:48 Adam How do you get tuberculosis?

16:51 Drew Usually you inhale it. You inhale people that are coughing it and they're forming, or a droplet former is sufficient to aerosolize the little tubercles.

16:59 Adam Is that what comes out of my ass on occasion?

17:02 Drew Aerosol, yeah.

17:03 Adam Hey, what's that?

17:03 Drew Your penis too.

17:04 Adam Well, thank you. You would know. Why, is tuberculosis one word?

17:10 Drew Yes.

17:10 Adam Why would they make it into two initials? Why not just call it T? That's all I'm saying. I can't figure out all this OBGYN and this TB and it doesn't make any sense.

17:22 Drew It may have started from tuberculobacilli, which is the organism that causes it.

17:27 Adam So it's not the T isn't for tuberculosis, it's for tuberculobacilli. Right, beautiful.

17:33 Drew So what's the question, Elizabeth?

17:35 Caller Anyway, I've noticed since taking it, they also have me on B6.

17:39 Drew Yes.

17:40 Caller Since taking it, I have had a dramatic change in my body odor. I never used to have much. I mean, only like if I didn't shower for a week kind of thing.

17:51 Drew Are you taking just the pyridoxine by itself or are you taking it in a B complex with it?

17:55 Caller Just B6 straight.

17:56 Adam Are you talking about, where's this odor coming out?

17:58 Caller Under my arms.

17:59 Adam From the basement? Oh, up top?

18:00 Caller No, I wish the basement.

18:02 Adam You do?

18:03 Caller Yeah, I could lock the door then.

18:06 Adam Nice, yeah.

18:07 Caller Yeah, I mean, if I'm going to have to be on this stuff for almost two years, it's like, hi, I stink.

18:13 Adam Yeah, you know what? When women stink, it's super funky.

18:16 Caller Well, apparently, the people around me don't notice it and I know they wouldn't lie because they wouldn't miss an opportunity to make fun of me like that.

18:23 Drew Is it a medicine-y smell?

18:25 Caller No.

18:25 Drew Or is it a BO smell?

18:27 Caller Really bad.

18:28 Drew Yeah, that's interesting. I've not encountered that.

18:31 Caller Apparently, neither has any of the doctors.

18:33 Adam You're putting some deodorant on?

18:35 Caller You know, I have put on basically the napalm equivalent to deodorant and it still doesn't help.

18:41 Adam Really?

18:41 Caller Yeah.

18:42 Adam Let me tell you a little something about...

18:43 Caller It's coming out of the shower.

18:44 Adam Let me tell you something about myself, Elizabeth. I'm a 110% guy who demands a lot out of life and I also demand a lot out of my deodorant. Great.

18:52 Caller What kind do you use?

18:53 Adam It doesn't matter. Every time I see one of those god damn commercials, I think to myself, when's the last time I really demanded something out of my deodorant and maybe I should.

19:01 Caller Take this medicine.

19:02 Adam And then I like when they do this. I like when they ask you to take the challenge. You send us your old deodorant, use ours for 45 days. If you don't agree, it's like, hold on, let me grab a scratch pad. See if I can take my deodorant, I'll put it in a manila envelope and I'll send it off to Battle Creek, Michigan. And then you guys send me your stuff. And there you go. I wonder if anyone ever takes them up on that stuff. All right. Put some deodorant on, take a shower. And then don't wear polyester. You know, I've realized this is why certain ethnicities or I should say, what do I want to say here, Drew? You know how there's certain cultures smell a little more than other cultures?

19:44 Drew Right.

19:44 Adam Yeah.

19:45 Drew Certain people.

19:45 Adam Yeah. Certain people's. Not people, people's. Yeah. You know what it is? A lot of these dudes wear polyester. A lot. A lot. And you put on a polyester, go down to a thrift shop, get yourself a nice polyester, circa 1978 shirt, wear it around for a day and then sniff your pits. See how you're doing.

20:09 Drew Speaking of trashing demographics, why is the mansion on Wednesday now also?

20:13 Adam Is it on Wednesday?

20:15 Drew Yeah. Susan said she saw it last night and she wanted to commend you on some acupuncture hair growing skit or something.

20:21 Adam Oh. Thank you.

20:22 Drew Sound familiar?

20:22 Adam Yeah. I do remember doing that bit.

20:24 Drew She said it was just funny.

20:26 Adam Oh really? Well, God bless her. She's a genius that woman and she knows good TV because her two favorite shows are Falcon Crest.

20:34 Drew No, no. Silk Stockings. Silk Stockings. And The Man Show.

20:40 Adam No, no. What is her second? Elvira, The Teenage Witch or something?

20:45 Drew No, no. It's like probably Will and Gray's. No, no. It's Sex and the Cities.

20:49 Adam Sex and the Cities. Oh, well, I like that show too. But what is the other show she liked a lot? Oh, about the Femna Kida.

20:56 Drew Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

20:58 Adam That was her show too. Oh yes. She's weaved that Femna Kida chick into more than one fantasy.

21:03 Drew What is she doing now? She was up on the show about a year ago, right?

21:06 Adam The chick is in the Femna Kida?

21:09 Drew Yeah.

21:09 Adam I don't know, but I know she's nuts. And that Will and Grace, I don't think is as funny as everyone else thinks is. Or at least shouldn't have got the Emmy. It seems like a sitcom in a sitcom. Too many people, too smart, talking too fast, too sharp.

21:28 Drew You know what I mean? But that's what you expect from sitcoms now.

21:31 Adam I know, but it's like, I just expect them to look at the, I don't know. Alright, whatever. I like the family guy. Go ahead, Jenny. You're 29.

21:41 Caller Hi, Adam and Drew.

21:43 Drew Hi, Jenny.

21:44 Hi.

21:46 Caller I love your show a lot. I've been listening to it for a long time.

21:48 Adam Thank you.

21:49 Caller And I'll just get right to my question. I'm a lesbian who's been in a 10-year relationship and I really want to break it off. I want to see men.

22:00 Adam You want to see men?

22:02 Caller Yes. And I don't know how to tell my partner that I'm not in love with her anymore.

22:08 Adam Well, here's what you do. She's a full-blown lesbian. She's a... She's kind of a... She's a butch one?

22:15 Caller No.

22:16 Adam Not at all. She's not?

22:18 Caller Not at all.

22:19 Adam I was hoping she'd be butch because that way you could tell her, I want to see other men. But you have the ultimate out, which is you want to see a different breed. You know what I mean?

22:28 Drew Now wait a minute, now Adam, when we encounter a heterosexual who's thinking about doing a same-sex experimentation, we usually say, is this to sabotage something? And so I would ask the same question here. Is this relationship...

22:40 Adam Okay. Yeah, go ahead.

22:41 Drew Is this relationship getting too close? Is it something, you know, too intense about it?

22:44 Adam Ten years, Drew.

22:45 Caller You know, that's interesting, Drew, that you say that because I've been asking for certain changes in the relationship and they haven't come, it seems like forever, the past few years, and all of a sudden, just recently, she's been trying to work on a few things. It's more that I've been just completely exhausted in trying year after year, and now all of a sudden...

23:09 Drew Well, I will tell you that... Interesting. Yeah, I know. The pattern that I see all the time in my hospital program is the husband or wife pounding on their partner to stop drinking or stop smoking pot. They pound, they pound, they pound. Then the person comes in for treatment, and then the partner goes, Well, I've had enough. I'm out. Just at the point at which the individual starts getting well, that's when the codependent goes, I'm out. Is this an addict situation?

23:35 Caller Um, no. No, it's not.

23:39 Adam Yeah, but I mean, are you the person... And I'll oversimplify it, but you're the kind of person that buys a house, fixes it up, and once you're done and the paint's all dry and everything's done, you start looking for another house? Because there's nothing left to do here?

23:54 Caller Um, no, not really. Um, I do like to get things done and then move on to...

24:00 Adam No, I wasn't making an analogy. I actually want to know if you lesbians like to work on a house.

24:05 Drew I think it's a little bit different here because the fee of the deal is that now this girlfriend's becoming available in a way that might be too much, and so the convenient out is I'm attracted to men now.

24:14 Adam All right, well on the other hand, it's been ten years. You know what I mean?

24:17 Caller It's been ten years. I've put a lot into the relationship over the past few years. I even took her to Paris and asked her to make more of a commitment with me, a marriage, to buy a home together, for god's sake, we don't even live together, and to share possessions and to have kind of a normal...

24:40 Adam Maybe you are the chick in the relationship. Are you like the chick? You know what I mean? She's more like the dude?

24:49 Caller We both are.

24:50 Adam We both, but she doesn't want the commitment, she doesn't want to live, she's more of the guy.

24:54 Caller Well, kind of, yeah, I guess, yeah.

24:57 Adam All right, well listen, Jenny, it's been 10 years and you have the ultimate excuse, which is you want to jump ship and hang with the peni. So, hey, it really is...

25:08 Drew You run with the peni?

25:09 Adam Yeah, it really is the ultimate excuse. You know what I'm saying?

25:13 Drew Well, next time you want to get... Well, no, you wouldn't even say you're going gay next time you want to get out of a relationship.

25:17 Adam I'm thinking about it. Well, here's what I'm saying, Drew. When you say to a woman or a woman says to a man, hey, listen, I just need some time, I need some space, I need some this, I need some that, this isn't right for me, she's basically saying or he's basically saying, I'm going to be with someone else real soon, if not now. You know what I'm saying?

25:38 Drew Yeah, yeah.

25:39 Adam And it's a pretty bitter pill to swallow for the other person. But if you're jumping ship, you're moving on to a new gender, how can they argue with it?

25:50 Drew How bad can you feel about that?

25:51 Adam And how bad can you feel about it? All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, who are we going to talk to, Drew?

25:57 Drew Oh, how about Ryan 18 down there in line four?

26:05 Adam After sex with a new partner, has puss like...

26:09 Caller Puss.

26:13 Adam What's the... What's the spelling difference between puss and puss? Oh, really? Same? All right.

26:21 Drew So somewhere you have to interpret the context.

26:23 Adam Well, I take it one word at a time. I'm not like you, Drew, who reads far ahead. For me, it's... And I don't even take it one word at a time. It's one letter at a time. Has a puh. You can't articulate yourself any better than that. Like secretion on tip of penis. All right. We'll talk to Ryan after this.

26:49 Caller We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191. Love Line.

27:05 Adam Yep. It is Love Line. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. Live 105, right, Drew?

27:11 Drew Live 105.

27:12 Adam Up in the...

27:12 Drew Beautiful San Francisco.

27:13 Adam Beautiful Bay Area. And phone number 1-800-LE-1-9-1. Drew. I'm sitting here looking at this, like, Auto Trader magazine.

27:24 Drew Yeah.

27:24 Adam Just checking out some cars, you know. And you know, my favorite part is when they explain why they have to sell a car. You ever look at those? You know, it is... See, you can't just sell a car because...

27:36 Drew It's got to be a divorce...

27:36 Adam .you're tired of it. Yes, it's... the guy is always blaming the old lady. Wife forces, new child, wife needs to sell to get minivan, divorce, wife, wife, bitch.

27:49 Drew You know what that is.

27:50 Adam Bitch forces too.

27:52 Drew But you know where that comes from?

27:53 Adam Lost, erectile difficulty, wife then gets divorced, probate... yeah, what is that, Drew?

28:02 Drew What is one of the most common urban legends you hear in, like, high school, as it pertains to cars?

28:08 Adam Which is, uh-uh, here's the urban legend. Okay, here we go, you're ready?

28:11 Drew Dude, my friend's brother's sister is present.

28:14 Adam I'm going to tell you what happened. There was a divorce.

28:17 Drew Yes, yes.

28:17 Adam And the wife was so... So pissed. The guy was a rich guy and he started banging his 25-year-old secretary. So pissed. This guy had a 1998 Canary Yellow Ferrari Testarossa.

28:33 Drew Right.

28:34 Adam And you know what he sold that baby for? $1. $1 was in the recyclable.

28:37 Drew I swear to God. I swear to God.

28:39 Caller I'll show you the car.

28:41 Drew Everyone, every young male's heard that story. And so you start looking for stories. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is the one. Here it is.

28:48 Adam Yeah. And you know the thing that's funny about this story? Arab guy owned a car lot, called in, got her down to 50 cents. I tried. Drew, you ever have to deal with that? I used to put, see, when you're poor, you cannot get a new car until you sell your old car. And then you have no car. So it's a tough little time. You know what I'm saying? See, I grew up, forget about grew up, when I was an adult, I never had any credit because I worked under the table swinging a hammer most of the time and I never had any money saved up. So I had a car, I drove a truck, and the truck was probably worth $2,000. And if I wanted a new car, I needed the $2,000 from the truck that I sold in order to buy the new car. So what happens is you put the thing in the newspaper on a Thursday night when the recycler comes out, I think Thursday morning, and if you get calls, you'll get calls Wednesday night by guys who have an inside connection at the paper. And always the thick accent, and you sell a car. It's like, yeah, these guys own a dealership. You see, they sell used cars and they're going to come over there and knock you down. But I've had some of the most... Did I tell you the time, the guy... I just put a new fender on the car and the guy came by and he said, Who put this fender on? He should have his hands cut off. And I didn't want to say me because I didn't want him to cut my hands off, but I got defensive, you know. Why? It looks pretty good. No, it's just horrible work. It's just junk. Look at the margins. They all screwed up. He should have his hands cut off. Well, geez, do I have to cut his hands off? Why? Did you do this? No, no, no, I didn't do it. You know who did it? No, I don't know who did it. He should have his hands cut off. Seems a little harsh to cut the guy's hands off, doesn't it? I mean, maybe he's not an autobody guy. Maybe he does other things. He should have his hands cut off. So I got into one of the greatest conversations ever with this guy. I think I was the biggest pain in the ass. He kept trying to get me down. I was starting to get angry at him. And I said to him, and this is a great strategy, if anyone's ever given you a hard time. He said to me, what is the lowest you will take for the car? And I said, what is the highest you'll pay for the car? And he said, no, what is the lowest? And I said, I'll tell you what, just tell me the most you'll possibly pay for my car. And he said, I could not pay a penny over 1500. And I said, okay, thanks for coming out. And I started heading back in. And he said, wait, wait, wait, wait. What is the lowest? And I said, it's not your highest. See you later. And he said, no, no, no, come back, what do you mean? And I said, your highest is 1500, right? Is that your highest? Yes, that I could not pay a pending over 1500. Okay, your highest is not past my lowest. My lowest is higher than your highest. So thanks for coming out. Well, wait a minute, what is it? And I said, I'm not telling you. Why not? Because it is higher than your highest.

31:46 Well, what is it?

31:47 Adam Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter if it's a dollar more or a million dollars more, because my lowest is not lower than your highest. This guy, like it was like a cartoon where like steam started coming out of his ears. Yeah, he left. I told him to get lost. Ryan? Yeah. You're 15. What is that? 18. 18. Oh, 18. I'm sorry.

32:10 Caller Well, I recently met this girl at a club.

32:11 Adam She should have her hands cut off.

32:14 Caller And I knew she was a little freaky at first. And I had sex with her within a week of that. And I noticed one of the times, there was a weird smell coming from down there. Not like a stank or anything, but it was more of like vinegar.

32:34 Drew That's unusual.

32:36 Adam That's on her?

32:37 Caller Yeah. I think she just got an oparag. I see. I mean, like she just cleansed herself.

32:45 Adam Oh, you think you're smelling douche?

32:47 Caller Yeah. Well, the condom broke on me actually while we were having sex. And about a week later, I noticed I had like an irritation when I was going to the bathroom. And well, I was wondering, I'm hoping it's some kind of bladder infection.

33:10 No. No. No?

33:14 Caller Does that happen?

33:15 Drew No.

33:15 Adam You wouldn't get it, would you?

33:17 Drew No. You get an STD. So that's what that is.

33:20 Adam So Ryan, you got to go get checked out.

33:23 Drew That's chlamydia or gonorrhea or non-gonococcal filthritis, something like that.

33:27 Caller What kind of symptoms do you have for that?

33:28 Drew It hurts when you pee.

33:31 Adam Does that mean you have that?

33:32 Drew I may be able to discharge sometimes.

33:34 Caller Sometimes.

33:35 Drew There you go. You got it. You got it.

33:37 Caller Is that treatable?

33:39 Drew I usually want one dose. They'll give you a shot in the pill and that'll be it.

33:43 Adam I like when these guys diagnose themselves with the sort of best case scenario. Yeah, she gave me a bladder infection on my penis. Yeah, as it turns out, well, you know why my balls hurt is because she had a headache and she transferred her headache to my sack. You see? So I'm just going to put some aspirin up my ass and I'll be fine, right Doc?

34:05 Drew Why not?

34:08 Adam It's true, Vin. You're 15 years. You ever went, oh yeah, sure. That's what it is.

34:13 Drew I've had fantasy answers.

34:15 Adam Oh, that's true. Then we'll see if we can work one of those up tonight. James?

34:18 Yeah.

34:19 Adam You're 16?

34:20 Drew James at 16.

34:20 Adam What's up?

34:21 Not much.

34:23 Adam Thank you.

34:24 Yeah, I was wondering if you guys knew what a good anti-depressant pill was.

34:28 Adam Life, maybe.

34:29 Caller What is a good one?

34:29 Adam Exercise.

34:30 Drew It depends on you, your symptoms, your age, your circumstances. I mean, there's a million different reasons that go into making that choice.

34:39 Adam What's going on?

34:40 Drew Nothing to do with you. Your doctor makes that choice.

34:43 Caller Okay. Well, see, my biological father, he left before I was born and everything. And then my stepdad, after that, he drank a lot and used to hit me all the time. Yeah. Well. And now, my new stepdad now, I mean, we move like maybe five times a year. Wow. It's pretty crazy. And I haven't been able to sleep in like two, three.

35:04 Adam Well, why do you move five times a year?

35:06 Caller His job varies.

35:09 Adam Really? I got to tell you, if any time after the age of 10, my parents thought about moving, I would have told them just to keep going. I was already living with my friends three, four days a week. I would have just stayed. Well, I couldn't imagine.

35:21 Caller I had a place to stay in Florida when they were moving, but they had asked the cops if they'd get in trouble for leaving me there. And they said yes, so they had to take me with them.

35:29 Adam These are wonderful, wonderful people. And they didn't say they left some kibble out for you in a bowl of water, and the cops still gave them a hard time, huh?

35:37 Caller Yeah, my parents let my brother stay in Florida, but they wouldn't let me.

35:40 Drew Oh my God. Well, listen to me.

35:41 Adam How old is your brother?

35:42 Caller Seventeen.

35:43 Adam Yeah. How many brothers do you have?

35:46 Caller I have three brothers.

35:47 Adam That's great. Oh my God. Imagine the rap sheet these guys are going to put together before their work is over.

35:54 Caller Well, none of them live with me. I mean, I'm the only one that lives with my parents.

35:57 Adam I know. Your mother's a horrible person. But the good news is is somebody was probably pretty bad to her at some point. That's probably why she's bad to you guys.

36:07 Caller I'm not that bad yet.

36:08 Adam Yeah. That's the kind of thing that helps me sleep at night, Drew. All right. So, James, you sound, you know, for all you've been through, it sounds like you've got a pretty decent constitution and you've got a good head on your shoulders. And you've got to get some distance from this.

36:22 Drew But it's good that you're thinking about having your depression treated because with that sort of history, of course, you're going to get depressed. You're at a high, high risk for depression. And to get some medication to assist with that is not a bad idea at all.

36:33 All right.

36:33 Adam But here, yeah, go ahead.

36:35 Drew What do you get in evaluation?

36:36 All right.

36:37 Adam So where does he go?

36:38 Drew A county facility. You don't have insurance or anything like that? Yeah. Go to, if you're in a big town, go to a county mental health services and they'll help you out.

36:48 Adam And here's the deal to all you people who are in James' situation. Your stepdad's in a hole, your mom's crazy. Stay out of the house. Just go to school and stay after school. But he can't.

36:59 Drew What's he going to do with friends? He doesn't stay anyplace long enough to make friends.

37:03 Adam Well, you just go to school and you sign up for all those clubs. Drew, weren't you in all those clubs at school?

37:08 Drew Yep.

37:09 Adam What were you? Speech and Debate?

37:11 Drew You name it. I do it. Sports, anything.

37:13 Adam Young homos. What else were you in? Future homos. I can't remember what they called it back then. Madrina Cescadero's, The Spanish Club, The Magical Singers.

37:24 Drew Chess Club.

37:25 Adam Were you in the Chess Club?

37:26 Drew No.

37:26 Adam But you were in the singing, you were in the drama department, right?

37:29 Drew Yeah, I did a lot of stuff.

37:30 Adam You did sports, right? Senior class president?

37:34 Drew Yep.

37:34 Adam Really? What about before that? What about before class president? What do you mean? In your junior year, were you treasurer or something?

37:44 Drew I think I did some class. It all kicked in around junior year is when I found that those kinds of activities is the solution to my depression.

37:52 Adam And you were trying to sort of pad your records so you could go to college?

37:55 Drew That too.

37:56 Adam Was that it?

37:57 Drew Do you need that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.

38:00 Adam Do you need like a brag sheet?

38:02 Drew Oh, yes.

38:02 Adam Where they want to see you involved with stuff is more than just grades, right?

38:06 Drew Absolutely.

38:06 Adam Really? No idea. Jessica?

38:09 Yeah, hi.

38:09 Adam You're 13. What's up, pumpkin?

38:11 Caller Okay. Oh, well, I was wondering, do girls' voices like also change like during puberty and stuff?

38:17 Drew A little bit. Why do you ask?

38:18 Caller Well, because I was at a volleyball game and I was like shouting, like I got the ball and my voice just like totally cracked.

38:24 Drew Oh, yeah.

38:24 Caller And like ever since, it's like not been the same. It's hella deep.

38:28 Adam It's hella deep? Honey, honey, honey, let me ask you a question. Do you sound like Brenda Vaccaro?

38:34 Caller Do I sound like what? She doesn't know who that is.

38:36 Adam Not just Scrooge, whatever, because she said hella deep.

38:39 Caller What?

38:40 Adam Hella deep was Drew's porn name for a while.

38:43 Caller Oh, really?

38:43 Adam As a hell and deep, actually, but shortened it. Uh, I don't notice women's voice changing, although if you if you if you talk to a woman and you talk to a girl, they do sound a little different, although not on this show.

38:58 Drew And there can be some cracking, but I think more likely you might have sort of irritated your cords. And that's why there's kind of chorus and cracking still.

39:04 Caller Because it's been like three months since that happened.

39:07 Drew Okay, you can get nodes on your cord too. You might want to see an ENT doctor.

39:10 Adam She's fine. Are you are you playing on the team?

39:13 Caller Yeah.

39:14 Adam Do you wear those tight pants and stuff?

39:16 Caller No.

39:17 Adam No?

39:18 Caller Yeah.

39:18 Adam What do you guys wear?

39:19 Caller Uh, we just wear like jeans.

39:22 Adam I see.

39:23 Caller Yeah.

39:23 Adam You just wear jeans on the volleyball team?

39:25 Caller Yeah.

39:25 Adam And what do the girls on the softball team wear? Parka and boots?

39:29 Caller We don't have one.

39:30 Adam I see. Sorry, baby.

39:32 Caller And I was wondering, you know when you play the music at the beginning or like the end of the show or like the beginning, like before you guys come back on?

39:40 Drew When Anderson plays that, yeah. Yes.

39:42 Caller Can you play Nirvana for once?

39:43 Adam Mm-hmm. Starting tonight, baby.

39:45 Caller All right. Cool.

39:46 Adam Just for you. I hate our callers. I really do. You're on the girls' volleyball team? Yeah. What do you wear? Like what's your uniform wear title? Jeans? Oh, really? Yeah.

39:57 Drew So.

39:58 Okay.

39:59 Adam All right. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah. Because I know Denim's pretty big and a lot of athletic. I know...

40:05 Drew We all saw that in the Olympics, of course.

40:07 Adam Oh, yes. Everybody from the beach to the ones who played it on the hard courts. A lot of Denim.

40:12 Drew Except for the one wearing down.

40:15 Adam Jamie?

40:16 Yeah.

40:17 Adam You're 19.

40:18 Caller Yes. Okay. Here's the bill. I dated this guy like two... on and off for the past two years. And like all of a sudden, he stopped calling me. And we saw his number, like, as long distance to call him, and we saw his number on the phone bill over and over. And I found out that my sister is dating him.

40:36 Drew How old is she?

40:37 Caller She's 16.

40:39 Caller Yeah. And her friends are... her friends told me that she's like sleeping with him. And he's 24, so...

40:46 Drew Oh, boy. With your parents now?

40:48 Adam Yeah.

40:48 Caller I told my parents about it. And, you know, they talked to her about it, and she, like, throws these screaming crying fits and says she's in love with him and whatever, you know? So, I mean, I don't know what to do at this point, because she's... it's like they want to trust her, and they let her go do stuff still with her friends, but she's sneaking out to see him, you know?

41:07 Adam Okay. Let me get this straight. You're both living at home. Yeah. And you found via the phone records that this number was still being called, and it wasn't you who was calling it.

41:16 Caller Yeah.

41:17 Adam And he lives where?

41:20 Caller He lives about an hour away from us.

41:22 Adam So it's not that far that he can't see her. They've been seeing each other, right?

41:26 Caller Yeah.

41:27 Adam And you've dated him for two years, but you didn't really, you weren't boyfriend and girlfriend?

41:32 Caller Well, it was kind of on and off, and he was a very strange guy, so I kind of broke things off for a while, and then we ended up, you know, kind of hanging out again.

41:40 Adam And he's 24 now?

41:43 Drew What do you mean strange? What'd he do?

41:45 Caller Well, like, when we first started dating, he like, he like hit me and stuff, and then, so I broke things off, and then he was like, oh, I changed totally, and you know, it ended up being different.

41:57 Caller Sure.

41:57 Caller But, um.

41:58 Drew So let's see, both sisters, oh, there we go, both sisters are in overwhelmingly attracted to the abusive alcoholic.

42:04 Caller Hmm, hmm, hmm.

42:07 Adam What does your dad do? Some form of origami or something for a living? What would he do? Or might it be working around metal or wood? What does he do? Drive a truck? What's he do?

42:19 Caller He's an electrician.

42:20 Adam Ah.

42:23 Drew A tradesman.

42:24 Adam Tradesman.

42:25 Caller But I mean, like.

42:26 Adam Who'd he beat on? Did he beat on you guys or just your mom?

42:29 Not at all.

42:29 Caller Well, he's my stepdad.

42:31 Drew Oh, what happened with your biological dad?

42:33 Caller No.

42:34 He's out of the picture.

42:35 Drew At what age did he leave?

42:37 Caller Um, I guess I was like five.

42:39 Drew And that's what he was beating on mom?

42:41 Caller No, he wasn't. But he was like an alcoholic. And my mother's very religious. And so she divorced him.

42:46 Drew Uh, you sure there was a little bit of aggression in the home?

42:50 Caller I'm not sure. I mean.

42:51 Drew Why don't you check that history out with mom? I bet that's there.

42:55 Caller But I mean, I don't know about my sister thing.

42:57 Adam Oh, OK.

42:58 Caller I don't know about it.

42:59 Caller It's just like horrible.

43:00 Adam OK. Well, Leah, it's a good question. This guy's 24. He's a criminal. Yeah. And by the way, he was nailing you when you were underage, too, right?

43:08 Caller Yep.

43:09 Caller Well, no, actually, I was 17, so.

43:11 Drew That's underage.

43:13 Caller Oh, well, in Texas, it's legal, I guess, now. Really? OK.

43:19 Drew What, 16? 17?

43:21 Adam 17.

43:22 Caller 17's legal.

43:22 Adam OK. So what if you talked to him? You think you could do that?

43:26 Caller I did. And it was like he said, Oh, well, we're just friends when we talk on the phone, blah, blah, blah, you know, I mean, a bunch of bullcrap lines.

43:34 Adam Well, listen, to me, he's even worse if he's just chatting away with a 16 year old.

43:39 Caller Oh, I know.

43:40 Adam You know what I'm saying? I mean, even if he's telling the truth, he's even more severe. Why don't you tell him you know exactly what's going on and you're going to call the cops if he doesn't cease to break it off?

43:52 Drew That's what you got to do.

43:53 Adam OK.

43:54 Caller My parents have told him that.

43:55 Adam But don't actually do it. Don't actually call the cops, though, please.

43:59 Drew Why?

44:00 Adam Because I want them to do the part of life that has to do with crime and not the part that has to do with breaking up bad relationships.

44:08 Drew So the East Police will come.

44:09 Adam You understand? The East Police. I really do. Can't we deputize those worthless meter maids to do something? What about those A-holes? They got a car. They seem to be out in full force. How about we put them to work?

44:25 Drew Passing in, they have little scooters, little golf carts that are enclosed.

44:29 Adam This is the biggest racket under the sun, these SOBs. They just sit around and they're out in full force all the time. Drives me insane. Let's put these A-holes to work.

44:42 Drew Why don't we take a break while you fume about this for a while?

44:44 Adam Let me just say one thing very quickly about these meter maids. You pussies known as meter maids. You guys complain a lot about doing your job and all the crap you get. You don't get enough. Nobody forced you to puss out and take that job. You took the easy way out.

45:02 Drew Well, now wait a minute.

45:03 Adam You're weak cowards.

45:04 Drew You're weak cowards. What?

45:06 Adam Weak cowards.

45:07 Drew Maybe they have to.

45:08 Adam Oh, they have to do what? Have to become a meter maid?

45:11 Drew No, as part of the sort of evolution in their career.

45:13 Adam Oh, they work themselves from meter maid to cop? They're all in their 50s and 600 pounds. Where are they going? They took the easy way out and they deserve as much cramp as they get and those who are behind the meter maid, basically, okay, that's it. I'm mad. I'm coming back. I'm yelling. I'm fired up, Drew.

45:32 Drew When you come back, let's go.

45:34 Adam That's right.

45:34 Drew We're going away.

45:35 Adam All right. We'll be back.

45:38 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

45:40 Adam We'll be right back. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. It's Fabulous Live 105 in San Francisco. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

46:07 Drew And in fact, Adam, Sean's been helping me out here at Live 105, and he came up to me during the break and went, does Adam, in real life, does he go on those rants like that all the time? And I immediately flashed on the various plane rides I've been on with you, and how each of them starts, A, with a big drama at the ticket counter, like some kind of drama queen, and you get in the seat, and I of course want to settle in and read, and you want to talk, and if I don't have eye contact with you, at least full attention, I get an extra 20 minutes of tongue-lashing and diatribe about God knows what. So now I'm paying attention, and I told him, I said, look, it's going on, it's usually about the seat belts, the destroying and tampering with the smoke detector, it's something that happened at the ticket booth, it's something wrong with how the ticket's printed. Right? So 20 minutes and all of a sudden I realize it stopped. You're ranting for about 20 minutes and it suddenly stops, and I look over, and you've got your lovey eye shades on, your tongue's hanging out, you're snoring.

46:58 Adam Thank you. That's the only thing that stops my ranting. And you want to know, the reality is, in my head I'm ranting now. I'm asleep and having the same conversation. Yes, when I travel with Drew, Drew insists on doing Scantron tests.

47:13 Drew Working, I work, I read, I do something.

47:15 Adam Do you realize, first off, how dare you get something done while I'm getting drunk? Do you realize what a slap in the face it is?

47:24 Drew I know how you behave.

47:24 Adam No, you know what it's like?

47:25 Drew A terrible front, a plenary, I tell you.

47:27 Adam It's like I'm smoking and you're exercising. Do you realize how badly it makes me feel? There's nothing worse than seeing somebody get something done while you're getting drunk and doing nothing.

47:40 Drew But listen, you have some important to say.

47:42 Adam Yes, I do. Everyone listen to me. Everyone listen to me. There you go. All right. I don't know, Drew. No one listens. I'm done. I'm done. I'm the only talk radio show host in the world that frequently gets the comment, could you stop talking so much? Billy D. Williams is telling me I love talking. A program director tells me to quit talking so much. It's the most I never thought in a million years I'd be in a position where I was co-host of a national, nationally syndicated talk show and the big beef was too much talking. All right.

48:22 Drew You're too much for the show. You're too much man for the show. You got to tone it down.

48:24 Adam All right. All right. I'll go on my meter made jag later then.

48:28 Drew Michael is 15.

48:30 Adam Michael.

48:31 Drew Oh, is he sleeping?

48:33 Adam Now I'm killing myself.

48:35 Drew Michael. Oh, I hear him.

48:37 Adam Yeah, he's sleeping. You see, whenever we travel, let's put him on hold. Drew gets these Scantron forms out and takes his. What do you take? What do you take with the first year?

48:48 Drew You and I travel together. I was taking this something called MKSAP, which is a board sort of certain review. It's updating your medical knowledge and stuff. But then I read and I read, I do a lot of work on planes.

48:59 Adam You realize work the moment I sit down, you realize how intrusive that is?

49:03 Drew Yeah.

49:03 Adam You realize how uncomfortable, how inferior I feel when I'm sitting next to someone who's working while I'm working on my fifth Bloody Mary. That is so uncomfortable. It is so disrespectful for you to be working while I'm getting drunk. I like, Drew, you know as a workaholic, you know as an overachiever.

49:24 Drew Yes, as a workaholic, yes.

49:25 Adam Yes, you know that there's nothing more uncomfortable than hanging out while someone is getting something done. Do you see what I'm saying?

49:32 Drew Yeah.

49:32 Adam And what if you were trying to convalesce? What if you were trying to chill and I was just running in place doing push-ups or something or running in place and doing some sort of aerobic exercise and studying at the same time? You'd feel very uncomfortable, wouldn't you?

49:46 Drew I might, but I certainly wouldn't ask you to stop and pay attention to me while I talk.

49:50 Adam All right. All I want is a little eye contact and an occasional uh-huh.

49:55 Drew My favorite part though is the transition from rant to snoring.

50:00 Adam All right, wise ass. Now we gotta take another break.

50:03 Drew Yeah, we gotta take another break.

50:03 Adam You rambled too long now. Who are we talking to when we coming back? When we come back?

50:07 Drew Let's talk to John.

50:08 Adam John with the milky colored semen?

50:10 Drew Yeah. All right. Clear-set semen.

50:13 Adam Yeah, and I gotta complain about meter mates too. All after this.

50:19 Caller Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready.

50:54 Drew Yeah.

50:56 Adam Did you hear that, Drew?

50:57 Drew Does that mean?

50:59 Adam I don't know, but that's good radio, man. I snuck it right in between the beat there. Right in there, man. And that's the kind of talk that gets you nothing nationally, Billboard, National Syndicated Radio Show of the Year.

51:14 Drew And all the attention and accolade that goes with that.

51:17 Adam To the winners go the spoils, Drew. All the full page ads taken out in variety. You've been taking calls all day about it, right? Well, I don't personally feel the calls, but my people do. The congratulations, the baskets, the speaking engagements, the plaques, the accolades, it never ends.

51:37 Caller Wow!

51:38 Caller Look at that enthusiasm!

51:39 Caller This is front page material.

51:43 Adam Anne promises to bring in the Lucite Award that's on her desk one day. All right. John.

51:51 Drew John, yeah.

51:52 Adam Yeah, Anderson wants me to yell about Meater Maids, but I'll do it sometime during this break.

51:56 Drew All in good time.

51:57 Adam That's right. John, you're 16. So you have the milky colored semen.

52:01 Drew Clear.

52:01 Caller Actually, it's clear. And my friend said it was like milking.

52:06 Adam Oh, I see. All right. I'm sorry.

52:08 Drew Now, I bet Adam, yours hasn't been milking in some time.

52:12 Adam No, it's, it's, mine has the, well, it's got a little honey. It tastes like honey.

52:19 Drew Where is the vomit sound effect, please?

52:21 Adam Tasty. I don't know. It's always, I always have the light off, just the light of the television, Drew.

52:28 Drew The point is, you keep that plumbing so maintained.

52:32 Adam Well, okay, put it this way. You know when you, you haven't turned a faucet on in the house in a while, maybe you go to some cabin somewhere and you turn it and it comes out a little brown for a couple of minutes and then it clears up? I blow the brown out twice a day. Thank you.

52:47 Drew And so there's no more brown.

52:48 Adam Thank you. That's, there you go.

52:51 Drew That's what John's deal is. He's more active than his friends, I suspect.

52:54 Adam Are you, John?

52:57 No, not too much.

52:58 Adam How often do you masturbate?

53:00 Um, maybe twice a day.

53:02 Drew There you go.

53:03 Adam Twice a day?

53:04 Yeah.

53:05 Drew That's more than your friends do, that's all.

53:06 Adam Okay, Drew, what is the color in semen?

53:09 Drew It can be whitish, it can be clear, it's all normal.

53:12 Adam No, I know, but what comprises it? What makes it up? What gives it its color?

53:18 Drew Well, it's all these muco-polysaccharides that are in those long molecules that make up mucus, basically.

53:24 Adam And why does doing it a couple times a day keep the color away?

53:27 Drew I don't know. I don't know that, but I know that it does.

53:30 Adam You do know that?

53:31 Drew It changes the consistency, yeah, it makes it thinner.

53:33 Adam Oh, yes. Oh, yes. All right. Where are we going now, Drew?

53:38 Drew We're going here.

53:39 Adam Michael?

53:40 Drew Oh, he was asleep before. Is he awake yet?

53:43 Adam Michael at 15? Let's see. No?

53:47 Caller No.

53:47 Drew No, he's still with us. Okay, Jamie at 14. Or Jerry, rather.

53:52 Caller Jerry.

53:53 Adam What's up, Jerry?

53:56 Caller Hey, Loveline's been off the air in Boston for a little bit, but the last time I heard you guys, you were talking about the peen and the sink thing, so I just want to say I, too, am a sink peer.

54:12 Adam When was the last time you heard? Where are you now?

54:16 Caller I'm still in Boston.

54:17 Adam Oh, we're on the air in Boston now?

54:19 Caller Yeah.

54:20 Adam Oh, we're on? We're off for a little while and then we're on?

54:22 Caller Yeah.

54:23 Adam Okay.

54:23 Guest Whenever.

54:25 Adam And how long were we off the air?

54:28 Caller Oh, I don't know. It was partly, I wasn't paying attention. You switch radio stations.

54:36 Adam Oh, okay. All right. Well, yes, you pee in the sink.

54:40 Caller Yes, I pee in the sink, but I've also got a problem. After I masturbate, I have this terrible, terrible headache afterwards for about, about, you know, four or five minutes. It goes away, but it's just...

54:54 Drew Yeah, I usually tell people to get that evaluated because while it can be a migrant type phenomenon, it could be an indication of something more serious. So I do think that should be evaluated.

55:04 Adam Drew, you ever pee in the sink?

55:06 Drew Never.

55:06 Adam It's good times. It really is.

55:09 Drew Really?

55:09 Adam Yeah. I really enjoy that. And now that I have my own sink to pee in, I couldn't be happier. I really enjoy that.

55:17 Drew What is this? It's so antisocial? Or is it that the height's just right? So you don't have to... What is it?

55:23 Adam I'm 6'2, and so it's just about right, sink height. And it makes me feel good. And I know if I was a man of less stature, I couldn't do it. So it makes me feel good about myself.

55:34 Drew But if you had less height but more stature, it would be such a big deal.

55:39 Adam You mean I could just be... use my Johnson and sort of gooseneck it up into the sink?

55:44 Drew Yeah, right.

55:45 Adam Nice. Nice dig. Karen?

55:48 Guest Yes.

55:48 Adam You're 29. What's up?

55:50 Guest I am. I have engaged in a relationship with a 28-year-old virgin, who is not a virgin any longer, but...

56:00 Drew How old was he?

56:01 Adam 28.

56:02 Drew 28?

56:03 Guest So I was his first. So I guess I went into it with the expectation that he would have no control. Okay. But it's been like six or seven times and he can't complete.

56:17 Adam He can't complete. Well, see, here's the thing. When you're a 28-year-old virgin, you have problems. Now whether that's going to be not being able to control yourself and having an orgasm too quick or not being able to have one at all, they all fall under the heading of problem. Do you know what I'm saying?

56:36 Drew I'm with you.

56:36 Adam And you would assume it would be the other, the former, but it could be any problem. I mean, do you agree with that, Drew?

56:43 Drew Absolutely. I mean, it means something. And he's got some energy about his sexuality, and therefore that often translates into problems in the sack.

56:52 Adam Why was he, when you say the sack, you mean the bed, not the scrotum, right?

56:55 Drew Yes, yes.

56:56 Adam And why was he a virgin to 28?

57:00 Guest I think he was just shy.

57:02 Drew No. Really? If he's that shy, that means pathologically shy, that he can't socialize, that's a problem. Why was he, why was he having that problem?

57:11 Guest No, I don't, he's social. He just says he'd never, you got me. I don't know.

57:17 Adam Well, what's wrong with him in your estimation?

57:21 Guest Wrong is physical or wrong is him in general.

57:24 Adam In general?

57:25 Guest Well, he still lives at home.

57:27 Adam Okay. That's something.

57:29 Guest Yeah. Well, it might be a cultural thing, too. He's a different culture than I am, so I think it's more acceptable for him to be living at home still.

57:38 Drew What's his culture?

57:39 Adam What is he?

57:41 Guest Some Asian descent.

57:43 Adam You don't know which one, though, right?

57:44 Guest No, he's Vietnamese.

57:46 Adam I see. Well, they have very tight families over there. You know, Tom Vu is Vietnamese.

57:52 Drew Really?

57:53 Adam Yeah, you didn't see the picture.

57:54 Drew He speaks about his family all the time, right?

57:56 Adam Yeah, that's me, my 14 brother. We come over here. We come over here on egg carton. That picture of me cleaning a big pile of dishes. Now, this me. Look at me. Look at my white bitches. See that scarab boat? That's my toy. You see that Ferrari? That's my toy. You see that antique car toys over there? That's my kids' toys. All right. I have huge breasts and I'm skinny. I'm not fat. My tom-boo and my minka don't really vary too much. It's just the inflection, you know? All right. So, he's Vietnamese. He's still living at home and he must work.

58:39 Guest He works.

58:40 Adam Yes. And what does he do?

58:42 Guest Like an engineering assistant or something.

58:46 Adam Okay. Shocking. And is he going to move out of the house soon?

58:53 Guest No immediate plans, as far as I can tell.

58:55 Adam And what's your deal? You're white, you're not Vietnamese?

58:59 Guest Right.

59:00 Adam You were divorced recently?

59:02 Guest No, never been married.

59:03 Adam Never been married?

59:04 Guest Nope.

59:05 Adam And what do you see in him?

59:07 Guest I don't know. We started out as friends. And it just kind of progressed into something a little bit more. And then I figured, you know, he would fall head over heels and be, I don't know, hard to beat off of the stick. And it's not...

59:24 Adam Well, he is hard to beat off. You do got that part right.

59:27 Guest That's very true.

59:28 Adam What does he have a weird name like Twang or something?

59:32 Guest No.

59:32 Adam Come on. What's his weird name? Does he have one of those weird Vietnamese names?

59:36 Guest It's not that weird.

59:37 Adam No. It's not Twang?

59:39 Guest No, it's not Twang.

59:40 Adam Okay. It's not Tron? No.

59:43 Guest It doesn't even start with a T.

59:44 Adam It's not one of the Star Trek Vietnamese names?

59:46 Drew It's Nguyen. Nguyen.

59:48 Adam Nguyen? Ding-dong-de. All right. So listen, Karen, he's a little nervous. He's a late bloomer. What is it? Does he like oral sex?

59:57 Guest Yeah, he likes everything. He's actually good at doing everything.

1:00:01 Adam He is.

1:00:02 Guest He's a little awkward on certain positions.

1:00:04 Adam He probably read 15 books on oral sex. Oh, he's good at it.

1:00:07 Guest I mean, he probably has a library of pornos, I guarantee you, but I don't know.

1:00:11 Adam All right. Well, you know what? I bet you guys will work it out.

1:00:15 Drew Yeah, that's what I think.

1:00:17 Guest That's a little frustrating.

1:00:19 Adam Why do you need him to orgasm? Why is that so important to you?

1:00:23 Drew Oh, it's an interesting question.

1:00:25 Guest It makes me feel like I don't know.

1:00:27 Drew I think women have a thing about that.

1:00:29 Adam Yeah, they do. You want to know why? Let me tell you why, Drew. You've talked about this many a time. For men, sex is sex. We like sex. We want to get off on it. There's not a whole bunch of things tied to it. We really enjoy sex.

1:00:46 Drew And it's visual, too.

1:00:47 Adam And it's visual. For women, oftentimes, sex is a means of power, manipulation, or it just... I don't want to make it all negative. What I'm saying is, for women, sex means something, not just a physical act. So, hold on. So, if it means something, and it's a way of asserting some power, or whatever it means to you as a female, and your partner's not having an orgasm, it really detracts from it.

1:01:16 Drew Let me put it in a little bit different context, but similar to what you're saying, is that estrogen causes a propensity or readiness for receptivity. And really, if receptivity is part of the arousal of sexuality, isn't the ultimate receiving something from the male? You know what I'm saying?

1:01:34 Adam You mean like a big rusty load?

1:01:37 Drew Yeah. If you don't receive that part, you expect to receive the whole experience. You're sort of cut off from that.

1:01:44 Adam Right.

1:01:44 Drew You get on an emotional level. It's not a rational thing that maybe means something.

1:01:48 Adam Yeah, but you're almost talking more of a biology. And I do agree with you to some extent, but I also think emotionally, if a man has sex and he has an orgasm, he's happy.

1:02:03 Drew He's dying.

1:02:03 Adam And if he tried like hell to give his woman an orgasm, but it just wasn't happening for her, he still had his orgasm. And he can go to work the next day with a smile on his face. For a woman, sex is more than a physical exchange. It means something emotionally. And if she's not... Think of it this way. Karen sounded like someone who needed a little power over a guy. Okay, listen to me. She's 29. She's single. She's dating this guy who's a virgin who's still living at home. She wants to be in the driver's seat. Okay? And if he ain't having an orgasm, she can't fully be in the driver's seat.

1:02:40 Drew Can she? No.

1:02:41 Adam No, but what are you in control of? Nothing. Not a bucket of jizz. But you got that bucket of jizz, you're in charge. Right? I mean, it's like my grandfather used to tell me. He who holds the bucket of jizz makes the rules. It was a Hungarian adage, but it doesn't translate. Yeah.

1:03:04 Drew I lost something.

1:03:05 Adam I lost a little something in translation, but you know what I mean?

1:03:07 Drew Maybe it's not actually a bucket.

1:03:09 Guest Yeah.

1:03:09 Adam I think pale, pale of jizz. They called it. Hey, Karen?

1:03:12 Guest Yeah.

1:03:13 Adam Yeah. You need to be in control of a guy, don't you?

1:03:16 Guest Okay. That pisses me off that you analyzed me to that extent.

1:03:19 Adam You see, she's angry, Drew. I told you. She's got to be in control.

1:03:23 Guest Okay. Regardless of my fault, I'm just curious.

1:03:26 Drew These aren't faults, by the way.

1:03:28 Adam No, no, no, no, no. But do you feel like you need to be sort of in control?

1:03:33 Guest I think that's a common theme in my life.

1:03:36 Adam In your life, yes. In lots of people's lives. There's two ways that people enter relationships, or a couple of ways, but here's two basic ones. One is you'll find these people, I have male friends who do this, they date women who are beneath them. I hate to be blunt and crude about it, but what I mean is, you ever see these guys, they're good looking, they got a nice build, they drive a nice car, and they're dating a dumpy chick, and you say, why are you dating this dumpy chick? And then their next girlfriend's dumpy, and the next one's dumpy, and the reality is they'll never get dumped by the dumpy chick, ironically. They are always in control. They'll call the shots, and when it comes time to end the relationship, they'll end the relationship. Do you feel like you want that control, Karen?

1:04:22 Caller No.

1:04:23 Guest He's very atypical. I've never, ever, ever dated anyone like him.

1:04:28 Adam Have you been dumped in the past?

1:04:30 Guest Oh, sure. But I've done my share of dumping, too.

1:04:32 Adam All right. All right.

1:04:34 Guest I'm pretty even keeled on that. All right.

1:04:36 Drew We're not worried about you, Karen. We really aren't.

1:04:38 Adam You guys just work it out. It'll come.

1:04:40 Guest Do you have any tips or suggestions on what to try?

1:04:44 Drew Oh, there you go.

1:04:47 Adam Does he like kimchi? Is that Korean? I got my government. What's something Vietnamese eat? Dog? Listen, Karen, listen. You guys just maybe give him a glass of wine or something, try to mellow him out a little bit.

1:05:03 Drew Maybe he's one of these guys into sort of alternative practices.

1:05:07 Adam Why don't you slip in one of his movies? Why don't you put in one?

1:05:10 Guest We've done that. We've kind of watched a little bit. Yeah. He gets excited. It's not about not being excited at all.

1:05:17 Adam Why don't you see if you can get him to finish himself off while you're in the room?

1:05:22 Guest That's already been done.

1:05:23 Adam And he can do that?

1:05:25 Guest Yeah.

1:05:25 Adam Well, hold on. I'm closing my eyes. A picture of a little Vietnamese guy going at it. You know, a million miles an hour. But still, his hand moves faster than like a white guy's hand would move, right?

1:05:40 Guest Sure. Yeah, it is pretty quick.

1:05:42 Drew But why can't you, can you try to reproduce what you see him doing for himself?

1:05:46 Guest I can't, I, you know what I think it is? No, I can't. I haven't been able to do that to him.

1:05:50 Drew What do you think it is?

1:05:51 Adam Well, I'll tell you what it is. The guy's 28. He's been at himself for 20 years. You can't touch that.

1:05:58 Guest Right. I mean, how am I going to compete with that? I don't know how to, you know, I feel like I'm on display every time I go down and touch it.

1:06:04 Adam All right. Well, listen, you, Jesus Christ, can you imagine living in the apartment underneath these two screwballs? You just take it slow. But, Drew, let me say this too. As a guy, it's important, as a guy, you start having at yourself around 14, 15, right? And what God will do is he'll send a woman or a vagina for you to have sex with. It's somewhere around 16 or 17. Now, at that intervention...

1:06:34 Drew God dispatches one?

1:06:36 Adam God will dispatch a vagina for you to have sex with.

1:06:39 Drew They're released from somewhere.

1:06:41 Adam Within a big hopper filled with vaginas. Now, if one of those is not dispatched to your penis in the first couple of years and you get 15 years of masturbation under your belt, you'll find a vagina and you won't know what to do with it. And that's what's happened to our young friend, Quon. All right. Where are we going now, Drew?

1:07:03 Drew We're going to Justin.

1:07:06 Adam Justin, you're 18. What's going on?

1:07:08 Caller Hey, I'm having some sexual problems with my girlfriend, and it's not the first time it's happened, and basically the major problem is I've got a really large genitalia, and I just want to know when it usually stops growing.

1:07:30 Drew 21. 21.

1:07:31 Adam What are you measuring in it?

1:07:32 Drew No, don't even gratify with that. Then you're going to give him a grudge of grief for calling about it.

1:07:36 Adam I will not. How dare you?

1:07:38 Caller Oh, it's like 10.

1:07:41 Adam Really?

1:07:41 Caller Yeah. Whatever.

1:07:43 Adam 10. That is huge.

1:07:45 Caller Yeah, I mean, it was, you know, cool for a while, but now it's like my girlfriend, she's like, you know, she won't take it.

1:07:53 Adam Now, does everyone at school know about your big Johnson?

1:07:57 Drew They do now.

1:07:58 Caller Well, I guess they do now, yeah.

1:08:01 Adam Where it gets around a little bit?

1:08:03 Caller Yeah, well, Justin's not my real name.

1:08:06 Drew Anyway, girlfriend there.

1:08:08 Adam Yeah, but I mean, you know, we, when I was in high school, we knew the guys with the big dorks.

1:08:13 Drew Oh, they were the dorks.

1:08:16 Adam Yeah, my buddy Zab had a huge one. Couple girls.

1:08:20 Drew He was a Jewish dork?

1:08:21 Adam No, he wasn't Jewish. He was just a geek. He had a big schlong. It was great. I am the big boy. God has a way of sort of evening things out. All right, so Justin, there's a way, you can't stop it from growing, right?

1:08:37 Caller Well, like, how long does it grow for?

1:08:40 Adam Well, listen, hold on a second. Between 18 and 21, you'll be lucky to get, or unlucky to get another, you know, three 16s of an inch out of it.

1:08:50 Drew It's not random to be a big deal, but for you, it will proportionally won't make any difference.

1:08:53 Adam That's one third of my penis. Yeah, you'll never know, right?

1:08:57 Caller So it's pretty much done?

1:08:58 Adam It should be done, yes. And what about a drill? What about penises and feet? Because you know, a lot of guys, a lot of guys' foot stopped growing in like the 11th grade or something. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, where do your feet stop earlier than your peckerwood?

1:09:16 Drew I would say yes. You want to beg your pardon?

1:09:19 Adam Peckerwood? Are we allowed to use that term? Anderson says yes. All right. Let's hop on another call.

1:09:26 Drew Let's see if Michael's up yet.

1:09:28 Adam No, he's not.

1:09:31 Drew Michael? You're right.

1:09:34 Adam Yeah, he's still sleeping. Jesus Christ. Mike?

1:09:38 Caller Hello?

1:09:39 Adam You're 19. What's going on?

1:09:40 Caller Well, I did something which I never really do that much. I kind of like to study my college and keep that all going for my career. And my friends on Sunday night had me go to this party with them. And I got really, really drunk and blacked out. And they said while I blacked out, I smoked marijuana, which I don't, didn't ever want to smoke. And while I blacked out, I can't remember anything. That's my first question, is if I will remember anything. No.

1:10:22 Drew That's it, that's why it's a blackout.

1:10:24 Caller My eyes, ever since Sunday, have been completely red. And I don't know why.

1:10:32 Adam Were you heaving?

1:10:34 Caller They said I threw up a lot.

1:10:35 Adam All right, well that's probably why.

1:10:38 Drew Or maybe, you know, you get allergic conjunctivitis or something, or maybe you scratch your corneas when you were sleeping with your eyes open.

1:10:44 Adam Could be some of the semen that may have gotten in there when your buddies all whacked off on you. It's quite possible. It happened to me once.

1:10:53 Drew That's the usual cause.

1:10:56 Caller It's kind of a little hick town though.

1:10:58 Adam That's what happens.

1:10:59 Drew That kind of thing never happens in places like that.

1:11:01 Adam You pass out with your buddies and that's it, dead meat. That's what I love. With women, a woman passes out. They call it the paramedics. Get her some water. It's great. You're with a bunch of chicks and the chicks are all partying and one of the chicks has too much to drink and just passes out. It starts heaving and passes out. It's like get some aspirin, make some coffee, get her some water. Now when a guy passes out, what is it? Get the duct tape and the marks a lot. We're going to town on this MF. I cannot tell you what I've done to my friends and what has been done to me after passing out, but it's like you're a fair game, fair game. Well, listen, everybody I know has drawn the huge penis on the back or the front of the person. You get the indelible marker and you start in on them. I mean, they are a blank canvas when they pass out and you're a Picasso. You just sit there, you know, you hold your thumb out. What ever happened to that thing?

1:12:02 Drew Hey, there you go.

1:12:03 Adam What happened to artists holding their thumb out? You take your arm and you lock it out in front of you and you put your one thumb up like you're hitchhiking and you put it right in front of you and you close one eye and you close one eye and you go hmm.

1:12:14 Drew And you stick your tongue out the side of your mouth.

1:12:16 Adam Yes. And if you had like a mustache, you would try to move it a little bit by wiggling your upper lip. Oh yes, yes, yes, perfect, perfect. And then you grab the marks a lot and you start in with the goatee and the mustache and then the big eyebrows and then the big keloid pirate scar down the cheek and then eventually gets to the I'm gay written on the back and the huge penis and you know. We duct tape a guy, oh listen, forget about our friends, guys we didn't know. We duct tape a guy to a charity party and just put a bunch of cigarette butts in his mouth and I mean the guy could have been dead for you know the guy could have died three hours earlier we wouldn't have known. We just duct tape him to the chair. But I'm trying to think one time my buddy Chris passed out along the Tijuana border in a full sprint by the way. He was running full speed and passed out you know if you go across the Tijuana border there's an there's an over way there's like a pathway that goes over the highway. We were playing Rat Patrol, I think, while we were running back to our car in the San Diego side, and he just passed out.

1:13:26 Drew While he was running?

1:13:28 Adam Yeah, passed out while he was running.

1:13:29 Drew It's like a cartoon where he was like mid stride, just peeled over.

1:13:32 Adam Yeah, this was Chris. This was Chris. So we all turned around and looked, and he was just face down on the concrete, you know. So we walked over there, and we said, hey, get up. Get up. And he wouldn't move. And so I think Snake kicked him in the nuts, and it was like he didn't react. So it was like, oh man, he's passed out. All right. So we got him on to my back somehow, and the guy's 210 pounds, and I sort of dragged him back to the car, and we stuffed him in the back of the car.

1:13:59 Drew Did you think maybe something was wrong with him? Maybe he was dead or?

1:14:02 Adam Yeah, he seemed like he was breathing and stuff. And we threw him in the back of the car. And-

1:14:07 Drew Oh, you're training by that point.

1:14:08 Adam Yeah, we started to go back to the hotel in San Diego, where we had five guys staying in one small room in San Diego. And he woke up when he was in the back of the car, though. And you know what he said? I'll never forget this. There was this Uncle Ben's Converted Rice commercial that was running at the time that took place on a riverboat. And he woke up in the back of this Toyota Celica and he was completely passed out at the point we were kicking him and stuffed him into the back of a two-door car. And he still never moved or never woke up. And all of a sudden, out of the back of the car, we hear him go, Captain, we can't feed them boys sticky rice. So Chris was awake again, but then he passed out again right before we got to the hotel and I had to carry him up the stairs. And the point is, and this will just illustrate how guys are. I threw him on my shoulder, I carried him up a flight of stairs, and I threw him onto this bed. There were two single beds in this hotel room. And they were both high off the ground, like three feet off the ground. And he was, I threw him down on one, and naturally we all fought over who was going to sleep on the other bed. And another guy jumped on another bed. And then me and another guy were like in the bathroom brushing our teeth, or I was peeing in the sink, or doing something like that. And I heard this big kaboom sound, and I walked back around to see what happened, and my friend Tom was lying on the bed where Chris was. And I said, what happened to Chris? And he's like, I rolled him. He just rolled him off the side of the bed and into that little gutter between the side of the bed and the wall. And he was like sleeping on his arm. Like he would have had to cut the thing off in the morning because he wasn't circulated. And I was like, I thought Chris was on the bed. What's he gonna know? So he was just like on his belly, like he got dropped from a building and wedged in his bed. Yeah, and then a couple of hours he woke up again, and another fight started. But that's how guys treat guys who pass out. And that was considered a loving act, by the way. It's not like we left him on the border. We actually picked him up and dragged him back to San Diego.

1:16:13 Drew Very, very caring, very thoughtful.

1:16:14 Adam Thank you. Alright, that's why I'm his brother, man. We gotta take ourselves a little break. When we come back, who we gonna talk to, Drew?

1:16:22 Drew Let's talk to Steve, who's 19, has a rash on the inside of his thighs.

1:16:27 Adam No, that's no good.

1:16:28 Drew Well, look at the other ones. Michael's asleep, and I had to be pregnant with a heart beat. What's the one you can hear the baby's heart beat? We just talked to Mike about his alcohol blackout, and then a 15-year-old whose ex-girlfriend is completely obsessed.

1:16:42 Adam I'd rather talk to him.

1:16:43 Drew Alright, Tyler, 15.

1:16:44 Adam Alright, and my meter made right. That's right, after this. Hey, Love Line. I'm Adam Perala, he is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOV. All right, Drew Ski, ready to get back to it?

1:17:20 Drew Yeah, I thought you were going on a rant, though.

1:17:23 Adam I've lost a little of my thunder, but all right, I'll get fired up for a second. Basically, it has to do with meter maids, but it's the entire sort of policing and transportation that goes on. And this is mostly Los Angeles. I can't compare other cities to Los Angeles, but I know in Los Angeles, the deal is, is there's no such thing as public transportation. So they got you by the way vows. And basically what they do, because they have you in a stranglehold, and they know there's no other way you can get around, but by automobile, they ring you for every effing nickel you're worth in this city. And I don't mind meter maids doing a job. There's a job to do, sure, if there's a car that's blocking traffic, it needs to be towed. And if some guy decides to leave his car for three days and something that's earmarked for one hour, he deserves a ticket. But it goes past that and starts, borders on harassment many times. I've gotten tickets and yelled to move my car when I've parked in a thing that said no parking 10 to noon for street cleaning, and I was there at 1130 after the street cleaner went by and had the guy write me a ticket. That is sheer harassment. And here's all I'm saying. Why do we not have a shortage of meter maids? You know they're always talking about a shortage of cops? Whenever we talk about police work in this city, it's always we don't have enough manpower, there's not enough guys on the streets. Where's the goddamn shortage of meter maids?

1:18:49 Drew These are the guys that give great revenue though.

1:18:51 Adam You know why there's no shortage of them? Because you pay them 40 grand a year and they bring in 4 million a year. They got new cars and they got a new ride and a new chalk stick every year and they're just going around making money for the city. And my only point is, is, you know, Drew, remember if I had my car destroyed by drunk driver as it was parked out front of my house about 5 years ago? And I contact the city from time to time. You know what their answer to me is? There's nothing we can do and we don't have any way of keeping any record of whether we receive the money. You know, I went to court with this SOB and he's supposed to pay the court. And when I talk to the court, what do they say? We don't have any way of keeping track whether he's paid or not. Really, you don't have a way of keeping track, huh? Why is it you can keep track of me? Why is it you know every time my registration is expired, I get a ticket that hasn't been paid, I get a parking ticket that's not been dealt with, why does the guy have access to that in his goddamn car when he pulls me over, but I can't go down to City Hall and get access to the guys paying me? You want to know why? Because they owe me money, I don't owe them money. This is nothing, this has turned into a huge, they're like the March of Effing Dimes, the people in this, the people have to do with parking enforcement and traffic in this city, and it drives me insane, and you know who they're milking, Drew? They're milking the people that are paying their salaries. They're not milking the criminal element, they're milking the taxpayers, and it makes me sick. I suggest a revolution, and I would say that these meter maids deserve as much crap as you can possibly deal out to them, because after all, they were the pussies who chose this weak, weak profession. They chose to take the easy way out, they chose to make an easy buck, and they deserve as much crap as they can get, and by the way, this thing about them already starting to write the ticket, next time they do that, tell them just to write void on the ticket, because they can do that. This is a huge business, and furthermore, it's past the business, it is now a racket with these guys, and it drives me insane. And I wish that we would, if we're going to have this huge force out on the streets, and when I say on the streets, I don't mean when it's light outside, I mean day and night, I mean the weekends and the wee hours of the morning I see these SOBs driving down the hill at 2 in the morning after driving up the hill and giving everyone a ticket. Let's at least give these guys a gun and a badge and put them to work. Not enough cops, not enough cops my ass. Why are you guys sitting around waiting by stop signs to give people tickets? Not enough for what? Pussies, get to work. And you know what you do? You do what we tell you to do, not what you feel like doing. You want more money? Good. Well, pay a little more money and you can have your money. But don't ring society trying to get a couple extra bucks for yourself. Drives me insane. All these parking tickets. You know something? We should be ashamed of ourselves out here in Los Angeles. In New York, they got real cops. They stand around and do nothing. Real cops. They watch people jaywalk. You know how many tickets they write in New York for jaywalking each year? It's like five. And here they write like 500,000. And there's a new arrow on every corner. So we can all sit there in an arrow. And one more opportunity to get a ticket. This town's turned into one big moving violation. You guys stop crime and stop worrying about people that are driving so much. What's that, Drew? Go ahead.

1:22:33 Drew Friends from Culver PD are probably going to stop by tonight, I suspect.

1:22:37 Adam I got nothing against cops who are out stopping crime. And I know it's their superiors and the politicians that are ultimately behind this. But here's what I want our police force doing. Stopping crime, not writing tickets. Please, how dare all of you. And especially this tiki-taka BS where you didn't come to a complete stop on a red when there's no traffic as far as the eye could see. What danger are you in that point? You're raising money. I got a ticket in Burbank for jaywalking when I was inside the lines. Wrote me a ticket over there because the light had been flashing when I stepped off the curb. How dare you. Burbank's the worst place in the United States for this. Bunch of cowards over there on a big fundraising tour. Whatever happened to the Policeman's Ball? Remember the Policeman's Ball? That's how you guys raise money. You sell raffle tickets. You don't harass the public.

1:23:38 Drew Didn't you have to appear in court with that one?

1:23:40 Adam Yes, I had to.

1:23:42 Drew Didn't you have to apologize for the judge after going off about him?

1:23:45 Adam No, I did not. I had.

1:23:46 Drew What was you said about him shooting heroin? What was that?

1:23:50 Adam Okay. Let me.

1:23:51 Drew What was you said about him?

1:23:53 Adam What are you talking about?

1:23:54 Drew The judge.

1:23:55 Adam I did not apologize to those ass kids.

1:23:57 Drew How did you describe the judge?

1:23:59 Adam I cannot remember how I described the judge when I got a ticket in that dump known as Burbank for jaywalking. But let me tell you this. I had to take two days off work. Thank God I don't work. But if I had worked, I would have taken two days off work to go fight a ticket. Here's my point. I want to sue Burbank. Where's my money? Where's my two days? What about my time? Candy asses. Where's my compensation? What's the deal? I win the ticket. I don't pay. You know what I mean? What kind of victory is that? It's like someone betting with you. Here's the deal. I'll make you a bet. Hey, the Rams are playing this weekend. I'll bet you. Rams win. You pay me a hundred bucks. Rams lose. You get nothing. Wow. You really made out like a bandit, didn't you? What about me? Where's my compensation? I was written an erroneous ticket for doing nothing. And I have to spend two afternoons going down to the court to fight it. And I win. What do I win? Nothing. Where's my compensation? Get to work. Stop crime. Don't stand around and bust people for crossing the street. How dare you, meter maids. Kiss my ass. All right. Thank you. Thank you very much. Stop crime. Do you understand? Don't save people from themselves. Stop crime.

1:25:24 Drew Here we go. Tyler is 15.

1:25:26 Caller Hey, I feel you, man. I feel you, Adam.

1:25:30 Adam Yes.

1:25:32 Caller How's it going?

1:25:33 Adam You know what your job is? You know, all, all, meter maids, cops, all of you. It's to protect people, not get money from them. Do you understand? I know you guys see sacks of nickels walking down the street. I prefer you see citizens walking down the street, not ATMs. Tyler, have a ball, have a policeman's ball and sell tickets. Do not rape the public for money. That is not your job. Your job is to protect, not rape. Jesus Christ. And especially Burbank. I don't give a rat's ass who hears me over there. You know it. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Tyler.

1:26:10 Caller I don't doubt. Don't.

1:26:13 Caller I have this ex-girlfriend for about six months and she hasn't gone over me yet. And her friends are like, I'm pretty close to her friends. I know I'm pretty good.

1:26:24 Adam And hasn't gone over you?

1:26:25 Drew Gotten over her.

1:26:26 Adam Oh, okay. All right.

1:26:28 Drew How long have you been going out with her?

1:26:30 Caller I was for like six months and then we broke up for six months now.

1:26:34 Drew How was the relationship?

1:26:35 Caller It was pretty good. Well, she cheated on me during the relationship.

1:26:38 Drew Oh, interesting.

1:26:39 Adam All right. So you broke up with her. I'm fine.

1:26:43 Caller And now it's like she like still is like fixated on me. Her friends say that it's like annoying them.

1:26:50 Drew Well, you know what? You're going to get fixated on someone for about three or four years like every unfortunate young male does.

1:26:56 Caller She like won't talk to me.

1:26:59 Drew She knows it won't work. She's like, you want to get back together?

1:27:02 Caller Huh? No, I don't. She knows that. She knows that.

1:27:04 Drew That's why she doesn't talk to you. It's hard for people your age sometimes to let go of things like this. And even as Adam will tell you, young males often spin webs about relationships that never even happened.

1:27:15 Adam Oh yeah, like when I was dating Adrian Barbeau in the 70s.

1:27:20 Drew He has that to mean even.

1:27:23 Caller What?

1:27:24 Adam You don't know, Mod? The swamp thing? How dare you? All right, is that, wait a minute. I'm unclear here. Is she obsessed with you or are you obsessed with her?

1:27:33 Caller She's obsessed with me.

1:27:34 Drew She with him.

1:27:35 Adam But she's not talking to you?

1:27:36 Caller No. Is she like, like...

1:27:38 Drew She knows better.

1:27:39 Adam Okay, listen, she's obsessed with him, but she's not talking to him.

1:27:43 Drew Right. There's no big deal.

1:27:44 Adam So who cares?

1:27:45 Drew You're right. Exactly.

1:27:46 Adam I mean, maybe there's people obsessed with you, Drew, but if they don't talk to you, you don't know it, do you?

1:27:51 Drew No.

1:27:52 Adam You're fine then, right?

1:27:53 Drew I'm fine.

1:27:54 Adam Thank you. Steve?

1:27:57 Drew What the hell is that?

1:27:58 Caller Steve? Yeah.

1:28:00 Adam Oh, Jesus. Hold on. We gotta take a break, Steve.

1:28:03 Caller All right?

1:28:04 Adam I got all sweaty on my rant. And let me just clarify this, because I don't want to be pulled out of my car and beaten on the ride home tonight. The cop on the street, I got no problem with him. These guys are commendable. And as a matter of fact, the notion that the cop gets paid as much as the bus driver who's on strike now or the garbage man, or one of these other idiots who does nothing for a living, I find bizarre almost that someone's getting shot at and getting paid the same amount as a guy who's driving a bunch of old people around. But that's up to them and their union. I have a problem with what these guys are assigned to do. And I know they hate it too. As a cop growing up watching Starsky and Hutch and Beretta and all those good shows, and there you are sitting around Burbank waiting to bus some guy who's crossing, heading over to the mall. You know what I mean? The chicken-ass detail. That's got to be bothering. That's got to be bothersome. And I'm asking that we get these guys off that detail. I'm not asking that they break rank and do what they want to do. I understand they're put on that detail. I want to get them off that detail. What do you think that would take, Drew? Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Where's our saying this? Can't we tell the cops what we want them to do? Why do they get to do what they want to do? Who's paying for them? All right. Drew, you have very strong opinions about this, I can tell. We'll take a little break. We'll be back.

1:29:33 Caller Hello, is this your radio? Loveline will be right back.

1:29:39 Caller Loveline on 947 and RK is coming back, Jimmy.

1:29:55 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. Dr. Drew over there, Live 105 in the Bay Area. Drew?

1:30:00 Drew Yep, yep.

1:30:01 Adam What are you doing over there?

1:30:03 Drew Doing a board review. You know how you always say I'm an addiction medicine specialist?

1:30:06 Adam Yep.

1:30:07 Drew It's actually been 10 years since my last board certification, so I need to retake them.

1:30:12 Adam Yeah, board is the operative word when it comes to you, baby.

1:30:16 Drew Oh yeah, man.

1:30:17 Adam Why do you gotta go to San Francisco to do that?

1:30:19 Drew Because that's where they give the review course.

1:30:22 Adam Really?

1:30:23 Drew Yeah.

1:30:23 Adam And there's nothing in Los Angeles?

1:30:25 Drew No, the only other one was in Chicago, which I was gonna go to, but I decided to come up here instead.

1:30:30 Adam Why does that sound so bizarre to me?

1:30:33 Drew Well, how many addiction medicine specialists are there? You know, they have to pick an air, a place, and then we gotta go to them.

1:30:39 Adam I can name half a dozen on top of my head just in the San Fernando Valley. What are you talking about? I don't know how, I mean, is it that exclusive a club? Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, there's many colleges out here. There's no recertification for addiction medicine?

1:30:54 Caller No.

1:30:54 Adam Addiction medicine? No?

1:30:55 Drew No. It's the California Society of Addiction Medicine, which is up here, and the American Society of Addiction Medicine gave the other one there in Chicago.

1:31:02 Adam So what do you gotta do? You a little nervous? I bet you're doing some studying, aren't you, buddy?

1:31:06 Drew Yep.

1:31:07 Adam You love it, too.

1:31:08 Drew I love studying. I do.

1:31:11 Adam You are such a geek. You get turned on. You get a little blood, a little extra blood in the penis. And Drew loves an assignment, too. He loves it when people come. You know, he loves it when Ann comes in there and goes, You guys got some liners to cut. Drew's like, thanks for your perk up a little. Okay, I've got to do it. Got something to do. Got deadline to me. Once I got to be done. It's got to be done tonight? Okay, something to do.

1:31:33 Drew And just because I'm into it, you're that much more not into it.

1:31:36 Adam Anything but be alone with my thoughts, man.

1:31:39 Drew Or my partner.

1:31:40 Adam How dare you? How dare you?

1:31:43 Caller All right.

1:31:44 Adam What's that, Anderson?

1:31:45 Caller When it was Daniel's birthday, we had a little cake for her in there. Every single break is like, well, are we going to do the cake right now or wait till next week?

1:31:52 Caller We should do it right now, though.

1:31:54 Adam Oh, I know. Drew will drive in and say, Ann will come in here with these liners. And basically what those are is, you know, we do a little thing for the affiliate. I'm Adam Corolla, and that is Dr. Drew, and you're listening to Live 105 in San Francisco. Okay, it usually takes between two and two and a half minutes to cut these things, right, Drew? Be honest. Okay, if Ann brings it in at 10.05, you're going nuts if we're not doing it by 10.25, right?

1:32:21 Drew Right.

1:32:22 Adam And I'm like, we got ten more breaks to do this, and we'll get to it when we get to it, but you love something to do. So how long are these boards going to take you to do?

1:32:31 Drew Well, they're like in November sometime.

1:32:33 Adam What are you doing now, then?

1:32:34 Drew Doing the board review course so I can keep studying.

1:32:39 Adam You had to go over there to do that? They could have sent you the material?

1:32:43 Drew No, no, it's a lecture series.

1:32:44 Adam Oh, how dare they. I'll give the lectures.

1:32:48 Drew Oh, God. I was just thinking, we get assignments, you immediately pull out the bong.

1:32:54 Adam I don't like studying. I think it's for the weak. See, I'd rather hang around people who already know stuff.

1:33:01 Caller Chad?

1:33:02 Adam People have to read about it from the man. Chad, you're 19. What's up?

1:33:07 Caller Yeah.

1:33:09 Drew Oh, that's the end of that.

1:33:11 Adam Retard. Steve? Steve's the one who has to rash on his thigh, right? Who are we going to talk to? What's up there, Steve?

1:33:19 Caller Well, it's been there for like a year, and it started out really small, but then it kind of expanded.

1:33:26 Drew It's a red patch?

1:33:27 Caller Yeah, on both sides of my...

1:33:29 Drew That's jock itch, basically.

1:33:32 Caller Oh, really?

1:33:33 Drew Yeah, sometimes it's hard to clear up. Try some Lortrazone, or over-the-counter now, you can get... Oh, Christ. Lamacil, that should be helpful, and then sometimes you have to take, actually, a pill to clear it up completely.

1:33:47 Adam You gotta keep it dry down there.

1:33:49 Drew Yep, all the time.

1:33:50 Caller So like baby powder and everything down there?

1:33:51 Drew No, no.

1:33:53 Adam No, dry.

1:33:54 Drew Like take a hair dryer out and like dry it, bone dry.

1:33:57 Adam Bone dry. I rented that last week. And what are you supposed to do, though? You're out all day. You bring a hair dryer with you, plug it into your cigarette lighter?

1:34:05 Drew I do the best you can to keep it dry, that's all.

1:34:07 Adam What's wrong with some talc powder down there?

1:34:10 Drew It could irritate the skin still.

1:34:12 Adam And he should be wearing boxers, not briefs, right?

1:34:14 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:34:16 Adam All right, loose-fitting clothes, not those...

1:34:18 Drew That's true, for sure.

1:34:19 Adam Tight designer jeans Drew likes to wear. Andrea?

1:34:23 Yes?

1:34:23 Adam You're 19, what's up?

1:34:26 Caller Yeah, I was wondering, like, for so long, like, well, not long, but when I was with my boyfriend, we would have sex, and I would never have an orgasm. And then one time when we were having sex, I touched my clitoris, and I had an orgasm. And now the only way, I mean, that's the only way I can have one, and I was wondering, is this normal, or can I actually have one without having to touch it?

1:34:56 Adam Hey, Andrea, how lazy are you exactly? You can't reach down and touch your clitoris?

1:35:01 Caller I'm sorry, what?

1:35:02 Adam What's wrong? I'm just saying, how lazy are you? I mean, you know, how many calories does it take for you to reach down and press your button a little bit? Oh, my God, I mean, so just it works for you fine. Listen, I wish I could, I wish I could jack off using telepathy. But what are you going to do? I got to burn five or six calories. And I used to be more than that, but now it's just it's up, down and then halfway up and I'm done. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:35:34 Drew Proud of you.

1:35:35 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:35:36 Drew You've mastered it.

1:35:37 Adam Yeah, I got my own boards to study for down here in the Southland. All right, let's take a little break. What do you say? All right. Wait a minute. I just want to talk to China real fast or Sienna or whatever the hell her name is. Sienna?

1:35:51 Caller Yeah.

1:35:52 Adam You're bisexual and you want to know how to tell your parents?

1:35:55 Caller Yeah.

1:35:55 Adam Don't tell them. I know you're angry at them, but don't tell them. Just give them a little time.

1:36:00 Drew The 15-year-old wants to announce this to their parents. He's got some other agenda going on.

1:36:05 Adam They'll be more upset later in life when you tell them, all right? Let a little interest build up and then drop the bomb. What's your dad drink? Is he abusive or is he a born-again Christian?

1:36:16 Caller He doesn't really drink. Well, yeah, he drinks, but not like get drunk and like...

1:36:22 Adam Yeah, but he's a bad guy?

1:36:25 Caller I don't really like him.

1:36:26 Adam Okay.

1:36:27 Drew Yeah, no kidding.

1:36:28 Adam Payback time, right?

1:36:30 Drew Yeah, kind of.

1:36:30 Adam All right. Don't tell them. Let them catch you with a woman. That's more effective.

1:36:34 Drew Oh, my God.

1:36:35 Adam All right. We'll take a little break. We'll be back. Maybe this week of Loveline.

1:36:48 Drew Hallelujah.

1:36:49 Adam Drew, when are you coming back from Frisco?

1:36:51 Drew Saturday.

1:36:52 Caller All right.

1:36:53 Drew So I'll be there Sunday.

1:36:54 Adam Is your lovely wife with you?

1:36:56 Drew She is.

1:36:57 Adam Oh, good times.

1:36:59 Drew It is good times.

1:36:59 Adam Good times. And what about the kids?

1:37:03 Drew They're not with us. They're in an age where they freak out a little bit when we leave.

1:37:07 Adam Yeah. It's too bad because if they're with you, they can kind of run interference between you and the old lady.

1:37:11 Drew It will pop her a little distraction. I'm looking forward to spending time with her.

1:37:15 Caller Okay. All right.

1:37:17 Caller That's your business.

1:37:20 Adam I'm not going to tell you what to do. All right. We'll take ourselves an extended break. And it's well-deserved too. And we'll be back next week in our fantabulous show. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. She should have her hands cut off.

1:37:35 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, October 12, 2000