Episode 1000754887333

3:17 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

3:25 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

3:28 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

3:30 Voiceover Loveline.

3:31 Drew No.

3:32 Adam No? Hey.

3:33 Drew Let's start the show. No.

3:35 Voiceover Yes, hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, and it is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 3108-544455. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Drew?

3:51 Drew Oh, yeah.

3:52 Adam We're going to, sorry for talking to you while you were slugging off your coffee mug, but here's my goal tonight, besides not getting hurt. We are going to burn through some calls, we're going to have a good time, and we're going to rock, NF, and roll.

4:07 Drew Why the inspiration? I know, that's over the top inspiration.

4:11 Adam I was so sleepy last night, I realized. I filmed an entire day out in the sun.

4:17 Drew Today?

4:17 Adam No, yesterday. Oh, yeah. I don't know what it is about the sun.

4:21 Drew I thought you were great last night, you're funny.

4:23 Adam Was I?

4:24 Drew Yeah.

4:24 Adam I felt like- Boring. There you go.

4:26 Drew Yeah, there was guys going.

4:27 Adam Yeah. I felt like I was going to fall asleep the entire, I was just sleepy. It's the thing about being in the sun, like when you're at the beach all day, what is it? Is anyone ever studied that?

4:38 Drew Not to my knowledge, but it definitely makes you fatigued.

4:41 Adam Do you know that feeling-

4:42 Drew Oh, yes.

4:42 Adam When you've been, even as a kid, when you've been at the beach the whole day, out in the sun the whole day, and you get home about 4.35, and you just-

4:51 Drew Game over.

4:52 Adam It's not so much that you feel fatigued or sick or wrung out, you feel sleepy. It's as if, you know, you just that feeling when you just wake up from a nap.

5:04 Drew Yeah, maybe it's some chemical being released. It's a good idea.

5:07 Adam Megan?

5:08 Yeah?

5:09 Adam You're 20. What's up?

5:11 Caller Not much.

5:11 Am I the first guest?

5:13 Adam Yeah. Although we hardly think of you as a guest.

5:16 Or a caller?

5:17 Adam Well, more of a nuisance.

5:18 Drew Weren't you on hold last night? Megan, weren't you on hold last night?

5:22 What?

5:22 Drew Were you on hold last night?

5:23 No.

5:24 Drew Okay. I saw a question like that up there. They don't think they got it.

5:27 What?

5:27 Adam Good instincts though. What's up there, Megan?

5:30 Not much.

5:31 Adam Okay. What's your question?

5:32 Hey, I saw you guys when you came to my school in October.

5:35 Drew What's your school? Let's guess. Santa Barbara.

5:39 What?

5:39 Adam Santa Barbara?

5:40 No.

5:41 Adam October.

5:42 Arizona.

5:43 Adam Oh, Arizona. Yeah.

5:44 Drew That was October?

5:45 Yeah.

5:46 Adam University of... No, you're...

5:48 Drew Yeah, you were in Arizona.

5:49 Adam There you go.

5:51 Drew Wildcats. Wildcats.

5:53 Adam Wildcats. That's right. We had a good time over there. Fantabulous.

5:57 Yeah.

5:57 What's up?

5:59 Adam How were we, by the way?

6:01 What?

6:01 Adam How were we?

6:02 Whatever. Okay, you guys got horrible, horrible questions when you were there. I felt bad for you.

6:07 Adam Oh, really? So we sucked?

6:09 No, you didn't. Just like I felt bad because...

6:11 Adam Oh, Drew did. Yeah.

6:12 Like, the girl, do you remember how she was told you she couldn't orgasm in Arizona?

6:16 Adam No. Oh, yeah, I do remember that question.

6:18 You're like, I've had an orgasm in every state but Arizona.

6:21 I just can't orgasm.

6:22 I don't know.

6:23 Adam I do remember that one, yeah.

6:25 Yeah, we made fun of her. All right. Once you're on campus and be like, you're that dumb loveline girl.

6:29 Drew Oh, that's nice. And I feel proud of what we do.

6:31 Adam Hopefully, she'll hang herself with an extension cord in the basement of her rented house. What's up there, Megan?

6:39 Hello, what's that?

6:40 Adam I don't know. Megan?

6:41 Yeah.

6:42 Adam We've been talking for quite some time now and we don't have a question from you. So go ahead.

6:46 Here's my thing. I have this problem. I don't know what it is but any guy that I actually like and care about in a relationship, I can't be intimate with them.

6:58 Drew We actually had this question last night. That's why it rang true for me.

7:01 Adam All right. So you're scared to be intimate with someone you might be able to be intimate with down the road. I mean, have a real relationship with.

7:09 Drew Right?

7:10 Adam Uh-oh.

7:10 Drew Oh, boy.

7:11 Adam You're like, all right, Drew, remember that proclamation at the top of the show about how we're going to rock and roll and burn through some calls?

7:17 Drew Let's go.

7:18 Adam I'll tell you what let's do. Let's go to commercial. I'd like to regroup. I'd like us to both have a good cry and then we'll start the show again. What do you say?

7:28 Drew Let's just keep moving. Look, for Megan, there are a lot of reasons why people do that. Adam's brought up the fact that it's fear of intimacy, fear of closeness, fear of a real connection with somebody. But again, in my experience, addicts do a lot of this. Addicts will sort of use sex as a way of regulating, a way of feeling better about themselves and their feelings. And she's sort of into that mode right now.

7:48 Adam Jessica, you're 21. What's up?

7:51 Caller Okay, I've got a weird, bumpy rash on my labia. And I think it might be herpes. It's been there for four months, though.

8:00 Drew Does it hurt?

8:01 Caller It's my understanding that herpes goes away.

8:03 Drew Yes, it does. Does it hurt?

8:05 Caller No, it doesn't hurt at all.

8:06 Drew Herpes always hurt. Well, not always, but herpes is a painful rash. So a bumpy rash doesn't hurt as not in herpes.

8:13 Caller It's bumpy. I thought it might be herpes because I have oral herpes, but I haven't had sex in two years. So the chance that it could be another STD is slight.

8:26 Adam Why the long layoff, pardon the pun?

8:28 Caller Well, the dating pool is running dry.

8:32 Drew No more men.

8:34 Adam What does that mean? How come you haven't had sex in two years?

8:37 Caller Well, I just haven't really found anyone I clicked with. I've been dating. I've been looking. I just haven't really found anyone who makes the grades, so to speak.

8:47 Adam Jessica, do you do that laugh during the date, that ba-ha-ha?

8:51 Caller I have a variety of laughs. I pull them out for whenever the occasion warrants.

8:56 Adam That would be the Arnold from Happy Days laugh, ba-ha-ha. No, that's the Boris Carolla.

9:02 Drew Dracula.

9:02 Caller That's more like the bad date. This date's not going well. What can I do to get him to signal for the check? That's when I pull out that laugh.

9:09 Drew Somebody look at that rash, Jessica. It could be just a dermatitis. It could be a follicle or a folliculitis. Occasionally people get tumors in their vulva. Somebody should look at it. It definitely does not sound like a rash.

9:20 Adam It's a bunch of little bumps though. They're not one big one.

9:22 Drew It doesn't seem like anything to be worried about though.

9:24 Adam John, well, especially since she's been off it for two years. John, you're 16. What's up?

9:29 Caller How much?

9:30 Adam All right. What do you want?

9:32 Caller I'd just like to say I really enjoy listening to you guys too.

9:34 Adam Thank you.

9:35 Drew Yeah. We're left night.

9:37 Adam Yeah. Bye. Bye. There you go.

9:43 I was abducted in broad daylight.

9:46 Adam That was the last night's insane woman of call. All right. So John, what's your question, please?

9:51 Caller Not much. Well, just that last week, a good friend of mine from school just kind of said I was gay.

9:57 Drew Said you were gay.

9:57 Caller No, he was gay.

9:59 Adam Right.

9:59 Drew That was an interesting friend slip there.

10:00 Adam Yeah.

10:02 Caller Well, I didn't really believe him at first and I just didn't really pay much attention to it. But today at school, he gave me a letter asking me if I would have a sexual relationship with him.

10:13 Adam Right.

10:13 Drew You want to read some for that?

10:15 Adam Standard gay blow me form letter. I've got a few of those.

10:18 Caller I believe in him now, but that was really all I really said. That's what they asked me.

10:23 Adam Okay. So believe him when he says he's gay.

10:26 Caller Yeah, I believe him now.

10:27 Adam Okay. So what do you want to do?

10:31 Caller He's kind of a sensitive guy and I want to tell him meanly and you're like, no.

10:34 Drew Good.

10:34 Caller Good for you.

10:35 Drew Of course. He's your friend.

10:36 Caller Yeah.

10:38 Drew Wait a minute. Now wait a minute. Come on. Not you, John. I'm talking to Adam. He's taking issue with me saying that.

10:43 Adam No, I'm saying just ignore it.

10:46 Drew No, no, no.

10:47 Adam Listen, hold on a second. Think about all the women in your life, Drew, who you came on to, you asked out, you made a move on, who just sort of sidestepped it and skirted the issue and giggled and walked away. And you know what I mean? You never ended up confronting them. They never had to come out and really tell you flat out.

11:08 Drew Usually came back with, how dare you?

11:11 Adam They did not. You know what I'm saying?

11:13 Drew Yeah, listen, kids-

11:16 Adam What's he going to do?

11:17 Drew Here's my concern, and this is real, that kids that are grappling with their sexual orientation, when they come out about it, feel very exposed and freak out. They get panicky. Now, they've exposed himself to this one friend. And if he doesn't get any feedback, he's going to dream up all sorts of fantasies. We've all sorts of webs about what his friend is doing with that information.

11:40 Adam No, he's not.

11:41 Drew Yes, he is.

11:42 Adam He's going to have more if the guy comes out and confronts him.

11:44 Drew Not confronts him, just say, hey, you're my buddy. This is new information. I got to deal with it for a while. I'm not that way. I hope we can still be friends and this is hard for me. And then if he wants to sort of ignore him for a while, let's see.

11:55 Adam Well, if he wants to have a weird, uncomfortable confrontation, that's his business.

11:59 Drew He really needs to, just in order to reassure the friend that the friendship is intact and his confidence lies with him still.

12:06 Adam All right. Listen, there's nothing wrong with you, except for the part about blowing, guys. I'm not that way. Yeah. And we can still be friends.

12:15 Drew That's it. That's always got to say.

12:17 Adam Yeah. That's going to be weird.

12:18 Drew Yes, it's going to be weird.

12:19 Adam And then you know what the guy's reply?

12:20 Drew John is up to that.

12:21 Adam No, what his reply is going to be? You want to get high? Troy? Yeah. Listen, guys, when some guy, when you're hitchhiking, some guy pulls over and picks you up and asks you if you want to get high. That's gay time. You understand? Watch that. You want to get high line. Troy?

12:38 Hey, what's up?

12:39 Adam You're 18. What's up?

12:41 Caller Yeah, I broke my leg about a year ago, like pretty bad.

12:46 Adam Snowboarding?

12:48 Caller No, it was actually rock climbing.

12:51 Adam That rock climbing business sounds like the worst idea ever. It really sounds like a horrible idea.

12:57 Caller I don't know. If you want to go, I'll take you, Adam.

12:59 Adam Oh, yeah. That's what I was saying.

13:00 Drew You're gay.

13:02 Adam Where are you calling from? I'll fly out tomorrow.

13:05 Drew To do the thing you consider the most horrible idea you've ever heard.

13:07 Adam Right.

13:08 Drew Yeah, sure.

13:09 Adam All right. And how did you break your leg? You fell, obviously?

13:12 Caller Yeah, it was rock climbing and I fell.

13:14 Drew All right. What's the question?

13:17 Caller The question is, I was put on Vicodin. And of course, I took it for the pain. And then I started getting hooked on Vicodin. And now I have to take it like seven, eight times a day to actually feel normal.

13:38 Drew How many pills are you taking each time? Huh? How many pills are you taking each time?

13:42 Caller Like one or two.

13:44 Adam Well, he sounds like he's on something.

13:46 Drew Yeah, he's loaded. Well, you're addicted to opiates.

13:50 Caller Opium?

13:50 Drew Opiates. Vicodin is an opiate.

13:53 Caller A what?

13:53 Drew Opiates.

13:54 Adam All right, listen. For Christ's sake, I don't care how stoned you are. I can't deal with you.

13:58 Drew Well, here's the deal, Troy. When you started taking the Vicodin a year ago?

14:04 Caller Yeah.

14:04 Drew Is that when you cut out the pot?

14:07 Caller I actually have never smoked pot.

14:09 Drew Okay.

14:10 Caller Wow.

14:10 Drew That's interesting.

14:11 Adam These mountain climbing is not high.

14:12 Drew Yeah.

14:13 Adam What's up with you? Were you drinking?

14:16 Caller Drinking? I drink every once in a while.

14:19 Adam Yeah. Feel free just to answer the question without repeating the last word or sentence.

14:24 Drew He's taken more than one Vicodin.

14:25 Adam Oh. You're pretty high right now, Troy?

14:27 Caller No.

14:28 Adam Huh?

14:29 Caller Bedtime is not my thing.

14:31 Adam Really? You don't take it before you go to sleep?

14:34 Caller Maybe like an hour before I go to sleep.

14:36 Adam Okay. When are you going to bed? An hour?

14:39 Caller No.

14:39 Caller Okay. Wow.

14:41 Drew All right, Troy, this is serious S and you got to get treated.

14:45 Adam What's he got to do?

14:46 Drew Vicodin addiction, heroin addiction, basically same disease. Same process. Vicodin is a profoundly, commonly addictive opiate. It's very powerful, just related to heroin, morphine, just an oral version.

15:01 Adam I took one just the other night, didn't do anything.

15:06 Drew As my friends at college would say, oh, you didn't take enough.

15:08 Adam Oh, really? That's it. Seriously, what is the effect? When I got my hand surgery, I had a bunch of them, I took them. God bless me, I adhere so strictly to the doctor's orders that even when I'm not in pain, I take those goddamn Vicodins and wash them down with a couple of beers. But besides, it's sort of a mild buzz, nothing euphoric.

15:31 Drew Yeah, people that have the addictive genetic makeup really find this to be, oftentimes find it to be real pleasurable. They're very euphorogenic. Also, the other thing about people that select opioid addiction, that sort of find their way to opiate addiction are often carrying around a lot of negative feelings. Magically, the opiates make those painful feelings go away too, not just physical pain, but also emotional pain. So that relief of emotional pain tends to drive the use.

15:57 Adam All right. So you're saying I should take more. Lindsay.

15:59 Drew That's it.

16:00 Yes.

16:00 Adam You're 18. What's up?

16:02 Caller Well.

16:05 Drew Oh, boy. Wait, wait, wait.

16:08 Adam Phone's crapping out. We'll put her back on home. We'll get back to her when her phone clears up. Stephanie?

16:14 Caller Yeah. Hello?

16:16 Adam Hey, what's up?

16:17 Caller Nothing. What's going on with you guys?

16:18 Adam Don't talk to too many people named Stephanie anymore, even though it's a very common name. How many Stephanie's we talked to, Drew?

16:24 Drew Not that many. Are you 18?

16:26 Guest Yeah, I'm 18.

16:28 Drew Sound 12.

16:29 Guest So anyway, it's my problem, right?

16:31 Guest Yeah. Well, I'm 18 and I have a seven-month-old son.

16:35 I used to be this major horn dog, right?

16:38 Guest And like as soon as I got pregnant, it's like all the like sexual drive just went away. I just don't want sex. I don't like to be kissed.

16:46 Guest I don't really like to be touched.

16:48 Guest It's like it just went away. And like I talked to doctors and they say it's because I'm chasing a baby around and stuff and it's really not.

16:54 Drew No, no, no, no. That's part of it, of course. But there are such profound biological changes after delivery. Things like postpartum depression can figure into this. Have you been depressed?

17:05 Guest Not really.

17:05 Caller I mean, actually, I've been more like I don't know.

17:08 Guest I mean, I don't get out of the house a lot because of the baby, of course, but I don't think I've been more depressed.

17:13 Adam Where's daddy?

17:15 Guest Dad, he lives with me.

17:16 Guest We're doing fine.

17:18 Drew Really?

17:18 Guest It's not like he just ditched me or anything.

17:20 Drew Well, are you breastfeeding still?

17:22 Guest Yeah, I'm still nursing.

17:23 Drew Yeah, it's common when you're breastfeeding and it's common for really up to a year after delivery. Sometimes just going on one of the birth control pills will restore some of your hormones and so you start feeling like a sexual person.

17:33 Guest Or I'm on the shot. The doctor said that might work, but it really didn't.

17:35 Drew Which shot? That shuts you down like crazy.

17:39 Adam You got to get off the shot and get on the pill.

17:41 Drew Yeah, Stephanie, that's the problem. That is the problem.

17:43 Guest All right, so I'm not doomed. It's going to come back.

17:45 Drew Well, you got to get off the shot and try something different. Try like a triphasic pill, okay?

17:50 Guest Okay.

17:50 Adam Hey, what's daddy do? Does he work around metal?

17:55 Guest Yeah, he's a mechanic.

17:58 Adam Getting a little-

17:59 Drew Breaks.

18:00 Guest Huh?

18:01 Adam Does he do breaks?

18:02 Guest Yeah, he does breaks and tune ups and stuff like that, yeah.

18:05 Adam Yeah, I got a metal feeling from this guy, working around a lot of metal. All right, you guys doing all right?

18:10 Guest Yeah, we're doing fine.

18:11 Adam You're living on your own? Wow, paying the bills?

18:15 Guest Paying the bills.

18:15 Adam Good times. How old is he?

18:17 Guest How old is he? He's 18 too.

18:19 Adam Wow, it's growing up fast.

18:21 Drew Where are you living?

18:22 Guest Where we live in Sacramento, but we've been dating since like freshman year.

18:26 Adam Okay.

18:28 Guest We've known each other for a long time.

18:29 Drew Good times.

18:30 Adam Good. You don't get pregnant for a little while longer and you guys get it together.

18:34 Drew Are you married?

18:35 Guest Yeah, we're married.

18:36 Adam All right.

18:37 Drew All right.

18:38 Adam It can happen.

18:39 Guest All right. So I am going to get it back?

18:41 Drew If you get off the Provera, yeah.

18:43 Guest Okay. Cool.

18:44 Adam All right. Meanwhile, you can throw them a bone every once in a while, you know. You know, you women, it's like, oh, I can't have sex. It's not because the vagina is out of commission. I'm not feeling amorous. Well, let me let me let you ladies in on a little secret. Guys aren't always feeling amorous either, especially when they've been in a relationship for some years. I mean, you women.

19:14 Drew Can you dress women a little different?

19:15 Adam You crazy bitches, listen to me. Drew, don't stop me because your wife's listening, but I'm telling you, let me explain a man's biology.

19:24 Drew Please.

19:25 Adam A man's biology is basically to be with as many different partners as he can.

19:31 Drew As frequently as possible.

19:32 Adam As frequently as possible. That is a man's biology. And a lot of guys, especially guys who are in a position to do that, guys of wealth or power, guys, celebrity, they do end up doing that.

19:44 Drew People are literally millionaires.

19:46 Adam Like myself. Thank you, Drew. And you know how I got to be a millionaire? Right here.

19:51 Drew The cash register.

19:51 Adam I'm pointing at the cash register. That's my face. Thank you. Guys, you want to know how guys, you know, what guys want to do? Just find a guy who has the money, has the wherewithal, and see what he does. And that's what most guys do. So guys want to be with multiple partners, multiple nights. But you know what? They're not. They get married. They have triplets. They move to a nice place. And they settle in. And they're with one woman for quite some time. That does go against our biology a little bit. But you take a guy like Drew, he's not going to sacrifice the kids, the wife, the relationship, the upbringing, the whole nine yards for this.

20:31 Drew Let me just say, I feel very fortunate. No, no, really. I am into my wife. And this is like, no, seriously. It doesn't, it's not an issue to me. It's not a problem. But no, no, no.

20:44 Adam Moxonel.

20:45 Drew No, it's not that. And though I understand that biology.

20:49 Adam OK, so hear me out. Yes, Drew does not suffer from it because.

20:53 Drew No, I'm lucky.

20:54 Adam He's lucky. He's lucky his wife keeps his testicles in a mason jar in the basement where he can't get to it. But this is how guys think. This is the biology of the male. OK? And you women, you have your own biology, which is when you're not feeling amorous or you're not feeling loved, or you're feeling emotionally upset for one reason or another, you don't feel sexual. You don't have sex.

21:17 Drew Because the sex means an 18-year commitment to their biology.

21:20 Adam Now, us guys, when we're in a long-term relationship, we put out plenty of nights when it may not be at the top of our list. And I know that doesn't sound like a popular answer because guys are supposed to be horny 24-7, but the reality is, is there's plenty of nights when a guy like Dr. Drew comes home, he's been working all day, he's rung out, and there's nothing he'd rather do than crack a beer, watch a little television, and call it a night. But he hasn't been with his wife, he's been on the road, he's been traveling, he knows she's feeling lonesome, maybe she's feeling amorous, and he pays his, you know, he pays the fiddler a little bit. He does his patriotic chore, he gets down there, he gets busy. And guys can do that, and we often do, and we rarely admit it, and nobody talks about it. But I would say, Drew, and I don't know what the percentage is, but I'm going to take a guess that when a guy, especially when he's been married to a woman for 10 years now, I'd say 20, 25% of the time, it may not, he might rather just keep his feet up and watch that TV than get down there. But the point is-

22:27 Drew It depends on the relationship.

22:28 Adam The point is he does it.

22:30 Drew Yeah.

22:31 Adam And you women can do a little of that once in a while, too. That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying put out night after night when you're not feeling like it, but if you're going through a dry spell, throw the guy a bone every once in a while.

22:43 Drew I was reading some interesting stuff over the weekend about, very well put, Adam. Thank you. Here, here. About the oxytocin, this chemical that's released by the pituitary gland and causes bonding in women. The women release it when they're having sexual intercourse and it literally causes a chemical bonding with the person that they're with. I was reading about how it affects men and the oxytocin doesn't-

23:04 Adam Makes them hungry.

23:05 Drew No, causes an erection. That's it.

23:08 Adam The oxytocin that we release?

23:10 Drew Yep, causes erection.

23:11 No bonding, just erection.

23:12 Adam Yeah.

23:13 Drew So for women, you see that that bonding thing, that's what it's going towards. With ours, it's-

23:18 Adam It's going toward the junk because we're pragmatic. Tara?

23:23 Guest Yes.

23:24 Adam You're 18. What's up?

23:26 Guest Okay. My story is kind of long. So I'm going to start from the beginning. I've been living with my mom and she's very, very like abusive. Like she yells at me and she hits me a lot.

23:39 Adam Your mom does?

23:39 Guest Yeah. And it's like I don't really know how to deal with it.

23:42 Drew Call Child Protective Services.

23:45 Guest Well, I'm 18 and it's like, I don't know, it's not worth it to go through all that. So I moved up to my uncle's house, figuring it would be better there in Altooma. But he's like, I don't know, he's been in like mental institutions and I didn't know it. He's got serious problems and I had to get a restraining order against him.

24:02 Drew Oh my God.

24:03 Adam Is this your mother's brother?

24:05 Guest Yeah.

24:06 Adam Well.

24:07 Guest Yeah, he tried to rape me and all this stuff happened.

24:10 Adam Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that, but I could have predicted it. This is your mom's brother, grew up under the same roof, thatched roof.

24:22 Guest Yeah. They're like, oh, weird. But so my mom decided to send me to boarding school for for about a year, a couple of years ago when I was into a Christian boarding school in Florida. And while I was there, I was also I was locked up in the basement and be in and be used.

24:39 Adam What?

24:40 Guest Yeah, they like.

24:41 Adam Well, it was right there on the brochure. You didn't see that?

24:46 Guest No, I said nothing about that.

24:47 Adam Oh, yes. Which school was it?

24:51 Guest Victory Christian.

24:52 Adam I have the brochure right in front of me. It's on the back. It's not on the front page. A part about here it is. Part of our curriculum is locking up in beating all of our students, especially sophomores and freshmen in the basement.

25:06 Guest Victory. They had they had these like really strict rules about being a lady. And you had to say you couldn't say yeah. You had to say yes. You couldn't crack your knuckles. And like little things like that.

25:15 Drew And they would beat you if you.

25:17 Guest Yeah, you would get demerits. And you'd have to write for like I will not say I will say yes 100 times. And if you couldn't turn in on time, they double. And they'd set you in detention.

25:25 Adam All right, hold on a second.

25:26 Drew We got to hear more about this.

25:27 Adam We got to take a break.

25:28 Guest OK.

25:28 Adam I got to beat Drew.

25:29 Drew The Victory Christian Desaad School.

25:31 Guest Yeah.

25:32 Adam Hold on.

25:33 Caller Yeah.

25:34 Drew I got to hear about this.

25:35 Adam Yeah, but I'm not so.

25:37 Drew We may have an obligation to report this place.

25:41 Adam I don't really care, by the way, what boarding schools do to their kids, actually, whatever it is, it's good for them, as long as it's in the name of God. But I'm not so sure. I mean, Tara sounds pretty sane.

25:54 Drew She can't be with all she's been through.

25:55 Adam But I get the feeling that she's got a long list of stories about what has been done to her, and a lot of it is true, but I don't know if it's as true as she portrays it.

26:07 Drew Let's see.

26:08 Adam All right. We'll take a break. We'll unravel the mystery that is Tara after this.

26:14 We're about to get funky, yo. This is Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

26:58 Adam Hey, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla. He is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Matchbox 20 is going to be here on Sunday. They're doing okay, those guys, and I like those guys, so I'll be glad to see them on Sunday night when they come into the Loveline studio. Now, let's finish off with Tara. Tara's 18 years old.

27:22 Guest Yeah.

27:23 Adam Tara's mom's a little crazy.

27:25 Guest Very.

27:26 Adam Yeah. Whole family's nuts. I wonder what kind of shape grandma and grandpa are in on mom's side of the family.

27:32 Guest Well, my grandmother, she lives with my aunt, and my aunt's very isolated and lives with her, and doesn't associate with anybody.

27:40 Adam All right. So everything's a mess, and for all you've been through, you sound pretty sane.

27:46 Guest Thanks, I try.

27:47 Drew At the moment.

27:48 Adam Okay. Now, where are you living currently?

27:53 Guest California.

27:54 Adam Where though?

27:55 Guest California.

27:55 Adam Oh, in California. I see. On which planet?

27:59 Guest Which planet?

27:59 Adam Earth? Okay. But remember the part about you living with your mom, and then your mom sending you to boarding school, and then you moving to your crazy uncle's house?

28:08 Guest The thing about the boarding school was that, I mean, they don't like hit you for no reason.

28:12 Adam I know. You were acting out.

28:14 Guest Exactly.

28:15 Adam You're going nuts because of how you were raised. Fine.

28:18 Guest Well, that's part of it.

28:19 Adam That's all of it. Now listen to me.

28:21 Drew And what? And what?

28:22 Guest And when I first got there, the lady, like, I was upset because I wanted to go home and the lady grabbed my arm and like gave me a bruise and literally hurt me and I called her a bitch. Then she took me back to the background and shoved like a bill of bars over my mouth and started like, just like, just hitting me and pinching me. And I, of course, got defensive and I hit her. And next thing you know, I have three girls jumping me, kicking my ass in there. And they sat on me in this hallway for like three days and I couldn't move. And the owner of the boarding school said that he was going to, like...

28:53 Adam Three days they sat on you in the hallway?

28:55 Drew Was this a boarding school or a residential treatment center?

28:58 Guest It was a boarding school in Florida.

29:00 Drew It was not a treatment place for...

29:02 Guest No, no, no, no. But the thing about it was that the boarding school, the director of the boarding school said that he was going to file some kind of, like...

29:12 Adam All right. Listen, hold on a second. Drew, why did we have to?

29:17 Drew I wanted to hear that.

29:18 Adam I know. But we established, I said to you during the commercial, because Tara came from such abuse and such chaos, and she was like a wild animal in this place, and lo and behold, somebody tried to discipline her and she took a swing at her. Then they sat on her in a hallway for three days straight, which doesn't quite sound right because of the whole eating and using the bathroom thing, but maybe they did it on her. I don't want to sift through that rubble. I'm trying to find out what she's doing now. Tara? Yeah. I know. Okay, quiet. You're in Upland, right?

29:51 Guest Yeah.

29:52 Adam Where? Who are you living with?

29:53 Guest My mother.

29:54 Adam Oh, you're back with your mom?

29:55 Guest Yeah.

29:56 Adam Okay, that's a bad idea, right?

29:58 Guest Yeah, that's basically the question. You want the question, right?

30:01 Adam Not really.

30:02 Guest Yeah, go ahead.

30:02 Adam Okay.

30:03 Guest The question is that now I'm back at home and it's the same old thing, and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to deal with such abuse.

30:11 Adam Okay.

30:11 Guest I just kind of curl up in a ball and I just kind of isolate myself.

30:14 Adam Okay. Here's your answer. You must move out on your own. Do you have any friends?

30:21 Guest Uh-huh.

30:22 Adam You do?

30:22 Drew Not boyfriend.

30:23 Guest No, not a boyfriend.

30:24 Adam No. You have a girlfriend?

30:27 Guest A friend boy.

30:28 Adam Okay. All right. He's been a friend of yours for a while? Is he gay?

30:33 Guest How do you know that?

30:35 Adam Good. Because I know you, you can be a victim and if he wasn't gay, he probably would have tried to rape you by now. He's probably had his share of hard knocks and that's why you guys are bonding.

30:45 Drew We approve.

30:46 Adam Good.

30:47 Drew You're in.

30:48 Adam He's got himself a job over at the salon?

30:51 Guest No. He's going to Mount Sack. He's a professional dancer.

30:55 Adam It's funny. The gay guy is going to Mount Sack. I don't know why but the word Mount and Sack are in the same thing.

31:03 Drew Mount San Antonio.

31:04 Adam I see. Does he have any money? Can he move out of the house?

31:09 Guest No. He's at home.

31:10 Drew Can you both move on campus?

31:12 Guest Pardon me?

31:13 Drew Can you both move on campus?

31:15 Guest No. He's just attending Mount Sack. He lives with his parents.

31:17 Adam I see. Listen, you need to get yourself a job. You're 18 now.

31:22 Guest I did that for a while and it's like I had to work full-time. I wasn't even graduated yet and I had all my money to go into food and rent.

31:29 Adam Yes.

31:29 Guest It was like horrible and I couldn't have no freedom or anything to do.

31:33 Adam It couldn't be worse than living with an abusive parent.

31:36 Guest I was living with my brother.

31:39 Adam Okay. Is your brother 10 kinds of nuts too?

31:41 Guest Yeah. He's a big pothead.

31:43 Adam Okay. Listen, Tara, listen to me and then this is it because I'm hanging up on you. As you know, I'm a genius, right?

31:50 Guest Of course.

31:50 Adam I understand what's going on in your life and what will go on in your life. You need to get away from your mother. I would stay away from anyone who had to do with your family for a good long time. I would become independent. I would work very hard. I would move out, hopefully, with a friend and a roommate. And you struggle. It is a struggle. I did this for many, many years.

32:14 Drew That struggle will give her structure. She needs that. Yes.

32:17 Adam It keeps you busy. Absolutely. I got one of my good friends and we moved into a one-bedroom apartment in North Hollywood. It was 435 bucks a month.

32:27 Drew It only took you 14 years to pull out of that hellhole.

32:32 Adam Let's be fair, Drew, was 12 years.

32:36 Drew Okay.

32:37 Adam All right, wise ass. 12, 13. Yeah.

32:39 Drew Remember the part about burning through columns?

32:42 Adam Yeah. You had to explore what was going on at the nunnery with her, you idiot.

32:47 Drew Yeah.

32:47 Adam Jamie?

32:48 Caller Yes.

32:49 Adam 21. What's up?

32:51 Caller Hi. I'm getting married in three months, and my fiance and I are waiting till we get married to have sex. And a couple of weeks ago, probably like a week ago, we were talking and he told me that just about maybe two years ago, he got a memory that when he was maybe like seven or eight, he was sexually abused. And when I found out, I was just like, I was in shock. I was, I really haven't ever known anyone as close to me that's been abused like that. And I kind of tried to tell him, you know, my gosh, I'm sorry, you know, what can I do? And I tried to bring it up like a week ago, or like a few days ago, and he just doesn't want to talk about it. He was just like, well, we don't need to talk about it. I'm fine. It hasn't hurt me at all. I'm fine. I'm fine.

33:45 Adam Are you religious?

33:46 Caller Yeah.

33:47 Adam Is he religious?

33:48 Caller Yeah.

33:51 Adam Is this why you guys are virgins?

33:53 Caller Yeah.

33:54 Adam Okay.

33:55 Drew And is it, in your religion, is it a sin to be gay?

34:01 Caller Yeah.

34:02 Drew Like big time? Like is that a big, big thing you guys talk about?

34:06 Caller He's not gay.

34:07 Drew Well.

34:08 Caller He's not.

34:09 Adam Hold on a second. Drew, what are you getting at?

34:12 Drew He was sexually abused when he was a kid. It all comes up right when he's about to get married. He's bisexual.

34:17 Adam Remain a virgin.

34:19 Drew Remain a virgin. He doesn't want to talk about it. It happened to be in a church in which it makes a big deal out of sexual choice, sexual identity.

34:27 Adam Drew, you're going to give her a real good night's sleep. You work this gay angle.

34:32 Drew Well, I'm not saying he's gay, but I'm saying that those, as you well know, those experiences create a lot of confusion about one's sexual identity. I wonder if that's what he's grappling with. Not to say that he's gay. I'm not saying that.

34:44 Adam He's probably gay. Jamie?

34:46 Caller He's not.

34:47 Adam All right. Do you look at him as damaged goods or anything now?

34:51 Caller I just, I want to be there for him. I want him to be able to talk to me.

34:54 Adam I see.

34:55 Caller The way he talks about, he's like, you know what? It's fine.

34:58 Drew How have his relationships been in the past?

35:02 Caller Okay.

35:03 Drew There isn't any chaos there?

35:06 Caller No, they just didn't work out. He's gay. The first one was really spoiled and wanted, like, I don't know too much that he could get her.

35:18 Drew Has he done a lot of experimentation? He's sort of experiment with different kinds of people or different whatever?

35:25 Caller I mean, he had like two or three girlfriends that just didn't work out.

35:29 Adam Hey, Jamie?

35:31 Caller Yeah.

35:31 Adam Well, listen, why don't you tell him, you know, you're concerned about him and you want to be there for him. But this may not be the kind of thing that he wants to or even should get into with you.

35:42 Caller My question was.

35:43 Yeah.

35:46 Caller Because he says that this memory just came up just not to like a couple of years ago. And he didn't remember anything before that. He just came to him. He said someone was talking to him about little kids who don't know any better than they get, you know, they get abused and stuff. And he says that he started feeling like he could empathize. And then that's when it started coming. I'm wondering if there could be more that he still doesn't remember. And if it's possible, it could affect like him and I, like our intimacy.

36:14 Adam Yes, it's very possible.

36:16 Drew It's possible, but it's not necessary. A single episode of abuse, if you really look at the studies on that, aren't necessarily correlated with a lot of problems.

36:26 Adam It's good for a kid, keeps it real. Hey, Jamie, he needs to possibly talk to a therapist if he's having these feelings.

36:33 Drew He's a piece of clergy.

36:35 Adam No, no, no.

36:35 Drew That's where they're hooked in.

36:36 Adam Oh, please. With those idiots. My God. That's probably the one who did the molesting. Jamie?

36:42 Caller It's a family member. The reason I think it might not have been a repeated offense.

36:47 Adam What was it? It was a she?

36:48 Caller Yeah.

36:49 Adam Hey, good times.

36:51 Caller Good times.

36:52 Caller She made him touch her.

36:54 Adam What's that?

36:54 Caller She made him touch her. All right.

36:58 Adam All right. Listen, here's the problem with religion. Do you see how freaked out Jamie is?

37:03 Drew Yeah.

37:03 Adam Jamie's like, this guy was eight. You know, Aunt Margie had a few wine coolers out in the sun one day and stumbled into the bathroom and said, I've been divorced. Touch me. You know, the kid's fine.

37:18 Drew The Bartles and James does to you?

37:20 Adam Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

37:22 Drew Yeah, I think it'll be fine. I do.

37:24 Adam Yeah. But Jamie is all freaked out because Jamie's real religious. They don't go for any of that crap. But now she thinks of him as sort of damaged goods, like this guy was sort of pre-sinned, and now she marries him, she may go to hell with him and the app. Just relax. If he has issues about it, he should talk to a therapist about it.

37:43 Drew His relationship has been solid. His sexual identity seems intact.

37:46 Adam Yeah, it was a chick. She just said that. Steven? Yeah? You're 17.

37:50 Drew I, by the way, was thinking his behind man was no longer intact. I was going to wonder how we were going to deal with that from the virginity angle.

37:56 Adam Right. What's up there, Steven?

37:58 I heard about this pill. It's supposed to make women like come on to you more or whatever.

38:03 Adam Yeah.

38:04 Yeah, it's supposed to give you like more fair moons.

38:07 Adam It's true.

38:08 It's true?

38:09 Adam Yeah.

38:10 All right. I just want to say the man show kicks ass.

38:13 Adam Thank you. Thank you very much. You know, the new season will premiere June 18th, Sunday night, 10 o'clock at its own time. So you'll want to look out for that.

38:22 Drew What show are you premiering with? The Rosie Show?

38:25 Adam What Rosie Show?

38:26 Drew Well, Rosie gets stuck in a well.

38:28 Adam Oh, yeah. Is that the first show? Oh, Drew, please, don't give it away. How dare you? How dare you? I don't know anything about Rosie.

38:37 Drew You know, I think this pheromone thing is going to be the... When these guys look back at 13 years, the pheromone is going to have the same meaning as Spanish Fly did for us. It's just going to be, just replace the words, the same thing.

38:50 Adam Let me tell you a true story about Spanish Fly, though. My buddy's older brother, Kurt...

38:56 Drew Had a friend?

38:57 Adam No, yeah. Yeah, Kurt's buddy. He picks up this Betty to party. This is a while ago. I mean, this is like 1979, you know? And he slips this chick some Spanish Fly, right? And she's really hot for him. I mean, she's all heated up, because, you know, the stuff's made out of cockroach legs. Well, you know what it's like when you eat a cockroach. You're all over the place. So this chick's really hot, and this guy's like, yeah, I'm going to get some. So he pulls into a 7-Eleven, you know? He's going to get a six pack and some condoms. He's going to town with this chick, right? Because she's real, I mean, she's like sweating. She's so horny, right? He goes into the 7-Eleven. True stories. My buddy, it's, you know, my buddy's older brother, Kurt, his good buddy, you know? He goes into 7-Eleven. I mean, he's in there for like five minutes, he's buying, you know, some smokes and a six pack and some condoms, you know? Comes out, she's dead in the car. She's impaled herself on the stick shift.

39:55 Caller Oh, no.

39:57 Adam She couldn't wait, man. You know what I'm saying? She like mounted the stick shift and she killed herself.

40:04 Drew I think I know that guy. Well, my friend knows that guy.

40:06 Adam You know that dude?

40:07 Drew Yeah. My buddy's friend, his buddy.

40:10 Adam That's what Spanish fly will do. Yeah. Got to get some of that. Yeah, fair enough for these kids. Yeah.

40:17 Drew Total utter absolute categorical nonsense.

40:21 Adam Well, it's like anything in lieu of getting a job and doing a few pushups.

40:26 Drew Right.

40:27 Adam I can sit around, mix a few chemicals up in the basement and see if I can trick a chick into sex. That ain't going to work, guys. But here's the good news. You can. You can get a job. You make a few bucks, take care of yourself a little, read a book or something. You can get chicks. Oh yes. You can be short and you can be ugly. You can still get chicks.

40:50 Drew I'm only 35.

40:51 Adam What's that?

40:51 Drew Not too, I got to wake up about 18 years after.

40:53 Adam Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. We're going to take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Tom. He has lumps in his balls after this.

41:07 Loveline will be right back.

41:39 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam, that is Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. And again, Matchbox 20 will be in here tomorrow. Pardon me, Sunday night. Now, even though it's Thursday, man, does it feel like Wednesday.

41:55 Drew Yeah, because we had the night off.

41:56 Adam We had Sunday off. Yeah. It just doesn't feel like that.

41:58 Drew Why can't every week be like this? Because then we'd start feeling like Friday.

42:02 Adam Yeah, we'd, oh, I'd adjust real quick. Yeah, yeah, and I'd be complaining by now. It'd feel like Friday, certainly. And we wouldn't get paid as much. Tom? Yeah? I wouldn't be able to be a millionaire. Literally, a millionaire.

42:14 Caller Whatever.

42:16 Adam Tom, you're 13. What's up?

42:18 Caller I found like bumps on my left testicle, and I want to know what it is.

42:24 Drew Bumps on the testicle, like in the skin or in the scrotum or in the testicle, like inside the sac?

42:31 Caller It's like inside the sac.

42:32 Drew And can you describe them to me?

42:35 Caller Well, it's kind of attached to the testicle, and it feels like another testicle coming off, just like really lumpy.

42:46 Drew Yeah, like wormy almost?

42:49 Caller No, not really.

42:51 Drew Okay, because if you feel, there's a cap that sits on top of the testing called the epididymis, and off of that comes a spermatic cord and all these veins and things, and you can feel sort of like noodley in there as it's coming off that cap, and it can feel like a separate testing almost.

43:06 Adam Yeah, true.

43:07 Drew The thing is, though, Tom, I suspect it's normal, but you don't know how to judge that. I mean, there can be hernias, and there can be cysts and hydrocele and whatnot, and if there's any concern at all, you ought to have a doctor just take a look at it, but it sounds like you're feeling something normal.

43:20 Adam Jessica.

43:21 Yeah.

43:21 Adam You're 21? You just found out you have warts?

43:25 Caller No, I have HPV.

43:26 Drew That's warts.

43:27 Caller Well, no, I don't have warts yet.

43:28 Drew That is warts, though.

43:29 Caller Okay, fine.

43:31 Adam Everyone's a wise ass.

43:33 Caller My doctor told me I had HPV, and I asked her if I should tell the guy I was sleeping with at the time, and she told me that I didn't have to if I didn't want to, and that it was the most common disease.

43:46 Drew See, Adam?

43:47 Adam Yeah, good. Hey, wise ass, bring 100 bucks and that black light in, and then vinegar.

43:52 Drew Max, max.

43:53 Adam And I'll show you my penis.

43:54 Drew You could really help out with this show. I need a black light and just like Heinz vinegar. Seriously.

44:02 Adam Oh, let him do his job, Drew.

44:04 Drew Whenever, if you get your hands on that, just seriously.

44:06 Hey, Ann's the producer.

44:07 Adam Yeah.

44:08 Drew I know.

44:08 Adam Oh, I hope she's not listening.

44:11 Drew I'm asking Max.

44:12 Adam Ann ain't bringing nothing. We're lucky if Ann brings herself in here. Are you kidding me?

44:16 Drew Come on, Heinz, Heinz vinegar in a black line. All right? It'd be a huge, and I need like a welder's mask and some big gloves. Shut up.

44:24 Hey, don't forget the magnifying glass.

44:25 Drew And a magnifying glass, yes. A microscope, in fact.

44:27 Adam How dare you? How dare you, Jessica?

44:31 Drew Magnifying glass would be good, in fact, if there's 100 bucks on it.

44:33 Adam Yeah, and you swing by the ATM and pick that 100 bucks up. And let me tell you what I'm going to spend all that, I'm going to spend that on Vicodin and fortified wine, that 100 bucks, just to spite you. To drive my car off a cliff.

44:44 Drew Let me ask you, as long as you're bringing that up, why do people get sort of paranoid about somebody who's trying to help people make better choices as it pertains to drugs and alcohol?

44:55 Adam Oh, I don't know.

44:56 Drew Can you help me understand that?

44:57 Adam Drew, I'm not spinning off with you in your many directions tonight. I'm sticking with the listeners.

45:02 Drew Hang on, because you helped me deliver the message a little more clearly if I understood why people get so paranoid about that.

45:08 Adam I don't know, I don't care.

45:10 Drew Thanks for your help, I appreciate that.

45:11 Adam Well, you know what, here's the deal. You gotta weave your stuff in when there's an opening. You cannot cram it up the anus of the listeners.

45:19 Drew I understand that.

45:20 Adam Just because it pops into your head.

45:22 Drew No, that's great advice.

45:24 Adam Thank you.

45:25 Drew But it just seems to me people are getting more... I read a Time magazine article about ecstasy. It was weak.

45:33 Adam I know you were harping on that last night, though. And we'll get into that after the break. Write that down. Max, write that down. Jessica?

45:41 Drew And bring the vinegar.

45:43 Adam All right. So she said you don't have to tell your partner.

45:46 Caller Right. And she said it was so common that in a couple of years pretty much everyone will have it.

45:50 Drew You see that, Adam? See, I agree with your doctor, Jessica.

45:53 Adam Yeah. Whenever you say that, Drew, all I hear from you is, I have warts. That's what I hear. That's what I hear out of you. And now you want everyone to have warts so they can join your wart world, this legion of wart-infested people that will rule the earth one day.

46:11 Drew To say that you have HPV is to say-

46:13 Adam It's like Omega Man.

46:14 Drew Basically, that you live in a urban center and that you're sexually active.

46:17 Adam But listen, shouldn't she tell her boyfriend?

46:19 Drew Yes, I think you should. I think that is responsible.

46:21 Adam I don't know why she said you didn't have to tell your partner.

46:24 Drew But it may be as high as 60 percent in the college environment, things like that.

46:28 Adam Frank, thank God I never went to college. You're 22.

46:33 Hi guys. I'm a long time fan of both of you. Actually, Dr. Drew, especially you. I think you really do a great service.

46:39 Drew Thanks for seeing me. I haven't had any comments quite some time.

46:43 Caller I've been so long.

46:45 Caller Well, I got a crazy problem here.

46:48 I thought it was all in my head and it seems like there's actually something behind it. I've, I guess, gone down on my girlfriend and two times after that, the little punching bag in the back of my throat has gotten really swollen and kind of gross looking. You know, maybe it's a coincidence, but it seems...

47:13 Drew Are there ulcers on it? Can you see canker sores kind of things on it?

47:17 Describe an ulcer.

47:19 Drew Little white dots.

47:20 Little white dots. Yeah, it's definitely not just pink. It's kind of whitish.

47:24 Drew Is it bright red back there?

47:27 It's all inflamed and yeah.

47:29 Adam All right.

47:29 Drew Well...

47:29 Adam What is it? Your uvula?

47:30 Drew It's your uvula. Adam, thank you for using the wrong term. Uvula.

47:33 Adam Thank you.

47:34 Drew Or the punching bag.

47:34 Caller Could that be herpes or something or...?

47:36 Drew Yeah, but not likely. Herpes tends to be sort of, the initial outbreak tends to sort of get all over the place. And if you don't have swollen glands in your neck that would go against that, you can get bacterial infections of the uvula. I've seen that a lot. And sometimes they have ulcers with them, sometimes they don't.

47:53 Adam This isn't venereal disease, is it?

47:55 Drew I doubt it. But he should be on an antibiotic that covers anterobes and strap. And if he gets better with that, then it wasn't herpes. It's that simple.

48:04 Adam All right. Let me just talk to Dante real quick. Dante? Hey. You're 21. You don't believe in homosexuality but fantasize about guys? Oh, you don't believe you're homosexual?

48:16 Drew You're gay. Drew, please.

48:18 Adam Hold on.

48:19 Caller Let me explain real quick. I was raised in a Christian home and we always believe that homosexuality wasn't right. I mean, we don't believe that people were born with homosexuality. We believe that it's a decision that you make and I really believe that it's a fetish. And I don't think about it all the time. I mean, I think about girls like 90% of the time.

48:45 Drew What do you mean by fetish? It's very interesting. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by fetish? It's a very interesting one.

48:52 Caller In the intercourse, I have no desire to have intercourse with a guy but like...

48:56 Adam Handy once in a while wouldn't hurt. Quick reach around, something like that.

49:00 Caller Well, yeah, something like that.

49:02 Adam Yeah.

49:03 Caller I don't know why.

49:04 Adam Listen, mister, you come to the right place. I was driving down Highland Boulevard today, fantasizing about being gay. What a life.

49:12 Drew Was that fantasizing or wishing?

49:14 Adam Wishing.

49:14 Drew Yeah.

49:15 Adam Wishing. I thought Daniel Kellison, the producer of the Man Show, I'd shack up with him in a heartbeat, and we'd be having the time of our lives. It really, really popped into my head.

49:24 Drew Then you could both bring Jimmy once in a while. In every way. Oh, think of that.

49:28 Adam I'll blow a guy right at the dinner table. Yeah. Yeah, I was real. I was fantasizing. I mean, what was I doing?

49:33 Drew Wishing.

49:33 Adam I was wishing. Wishing I was gay.

49:35 Caller Hmm.

49:37 Adam If I could get some kind of pill or something, I could take.

49:40 Drew Daniel might be willing to go. Maybe we should propose it to him.

49:42 Adam Yeah, I don't know. He doesn't got much hair on him.

49:46 Drew Oh.

49:46 Adam Yeah. I could probably work with him. Yeah, you're right. All right, hold on. We're gonna take a little break and then we'll get back with Dante and his fetish after this.

49:56 Caller Let's have some more fun.

49:57 Drew Okay, let's do it.

49:59 Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

50:04 Caller Loveline will be right back.

50:05 Caller Well, here's how it sample.

50:48 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

50:49 Adam I'm Adam Corolla, this is Dr. Drew over there. Matchbox 20 is going to be in here on Sunday night. Blah, blah, blah. I think they have, I think they've sold like 10 million records or something, their last record. Man, they've been doing real well. So they're nice guys, and we'll be glad to see them again when they come in here Sunday night. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, and let's hop back on the phones.

51:18 Caller Dante.

51:19 Adam Finish up with Dante. Now, Dante grew up in a religious family that believed homosexuality was something that could be sort of, there was a choice, right?

51:28 Caller Right.

51:29 Adam Right. I'm kind of with you on that. Not 100%, but in some cases. And now, you're having your own feelings. Not take it in the pooper feelings, but a little hand action.

51:45 Caller Yeah.

51:45 Adam Yeah. All right. Why do you think you're having those feelings?

51:51 Caller I don't know. I couldn't explain why I was having those feelings. I'm a hornball. I like...

51:56 Adam You like chicks?

51:58 Caller Yeah. Yeah. You know.

52:00 Adam I would be too. I can't get over the cootie factor with the ladies, but...

52:03 Drew Were you sexually abused or anything at any time?

52:05 Caller When I was 12 years old, I was.

52:07 Adam Yeah.

52:07 Drew Oh, there you go.

52:08 Caller Exactly.

52:08 Adam Who was that? Who did that?

52:12 Caller It was my boss at my first job working at a gas station. Wow.

52:18 Adam Full service.

52:20 Caller Yeah, but it only went on one time. And after that, nothing ever happened.

52:28 Adam You were working at a gas station when you were 12?

52:30 Caller Yeah.

52:32 Adam What were you doing?

52:34 Caller I was back when it was still full service, pumping gas, washing windshields.

52:39 Adam Yeah, not in California, not in Los Angeles. That's for goddamn sure.

52:44 Caller Well, I was in a small town in Texas, too.

52:46 Adam Yeah, there you go. Do I have to go on another rant about what horrible a-holes everyone owns a gas station in Southern California is? Yeah. Oh, don't ever move here and work at a gas station. You'll become an horrible, wretched a-hole.

53:00 Caller I don't think I'll ever work at a gas station.

53:02 Adam Dismal, mean-spirited son of a bitch. I hate all of you. You're so lucky I need your product. Man, are you lucky. And man, do you act like you know it. All right. So, Dante, that's what it is. But you were 12 and only happened once, and what happened?

53:19 Caller Well, I told my mother about it and charges were never filed, but my dad, my dad got after him, you know, pretty good.

53:28 Adam Yeah, that's the Texas way. Yeah, and hit him with that 45-pound hubcap-sized belt buckle his dad wears. Your dad wear a huge belt buckle?

53:39 Caller Wear the huge belt buckle and a 10-gallon hat and big boots.

53:42 Adam Really? That's great.

53:44 Caller Yeah, but I just wanted to know if it was normal. I mean, do you guys think about that sometimes?

53:50 Adam All right. For what happened to you, it's normal.

53:52 Drew Right.

53:53 Adam So.

53:53 Caller I don't want to have these thoughts. All right.

53:55 Adam Well, you don't have to act on them.

53:57 Caller Right.

53:58 Adam Have you ever acted on them?

54:00 Caller No, I've never. Well, when I was younger, like 13 or 14.

54:05 Adam You and little Joe?

54:06 Caller Yeah.

54:07 Adam What happened?

54:08 Caller Well, I mean, we just, you know, the hand jobs, you know.

54:12 Adam Okay. All right. And but nothing since then.

54:16 Caller No. And, you know, I don't know. I just, I don't know if, I don't know. I just, I don't want to, I don't want to have morally wrong thoughts in my head.

54:25 Adam That's all right. Listen. Listen, let me tell you how God works. He doesn't care what you're thinking. He cares what you're doing. Right. You understand? Everyone has thoughts. That's part of being a human being. It's the actions. That's what God can, that's, listen, God doesn't think any different than the cops. Cops don't care whether you think about running red lights or vehicular manslaughter or killing your wife or taking out an entire preschool by driving your pickup truck through a wall. They don't care what you think. They care what you do. And if you never do any of that stuff, then you're fine with them. Same with God. I know God because I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. As a matter of fact, Jesus said I was his best friend. Yeah. He said he didn't much care for the rest of you, you guys, the little people as he called you. But things were pretty good, especially after the two TV shows that I have. And literally being a millionaire, I think that swayed him a little bit. As a matter of fact, Jesus is kissing up to me a little bit now because of the recent success. That's good. Yeah. I thought it was important to talk about that on the air. He said not to say anything. He said you'd get jealous, that people would call me a liar. But it's like Monica Lewinsky with the president. How long can you keep that under your hat? You know what I'm saying?

55:54 Let me say to the people of America and the nations of the world that I hate your ass. I swear to God I do.

56:01 Adam I mean, having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is your best friend. You're going to blab, right?

56:07 Drew There you go. We're listening to it right now.

56:08 Adam All right. Dante is fine. Dante, maybe a little therapy for what happened at the gas station. Don't freak yourself out.

56:17 Drew I want to do some research on what it is that when something like that happens at a critical period, that etches in some arousal mechanism to people. In other words, he's 12 years old, he's developing normally, he gets sexually abused by a male, and now there's some arousal circuit gets etched into his brain. That he can't get rid of.

56:35 Adam But the thing that's interesting about Dante is he was 12, not 9, not 5. See, at 12, thank you. At 12, he was just coming out of it. So the etching didn't really take, and that's why he only wants the hand job. You know what I'm saying? If this guy had got to him when he was 6, he'd want the rim job. Now he gets the hand job. And he's not even going to act on that.

56:59 Drew Maybe it's an alphabet thing.

57:01 Adam Adam? I don't know what you're talking about.

57:03 Drew I think hand, then rim, then... Hello? Okay. Adam?

57:07 Adam Yes. You're 14. What's up?

57:10 Caller Uh... Well, it's kind of hard to talk about. My mom, I just recently found out about a year ago that she was a prostitute.

57:21 Adam How'd you find that out?

57:23 Caller Well, she... Well, I found out from my biological dad's girlfriend at the time. I mean, I've been through a lot of crap in the past year and a year or so. About two years. I mean, I went to about 12 different schools. And I mean, I have my family hates me because my cousin divulged that I'm pagan. And yeah, that's not Satan worshiping anything.

58:01 Adam No, I know. You just sacrifice a goat or something every once in a while.

58:05 Caller No.

58:06 Adam What's pagan? Hold on a second. My good buddy, Jesus Christ, is just talking to me. Yeah, he says he'll see in hell.

58:15 Caller Well, the pagans believe there is no devil and there is no hell.

58:17 Adam Well, that's you pagans. But Jesus just told me there was devil in the hell and he'd see you there.

58:21 Caller You go to hell and you die.

58:23 Adam That's what he said. All right. Anyway, Adam, so you've had a rough go of it and you're doing a lot of acting out.

58:32 Caller Not really. I mean, I've just moved around.

58:34 Adam I mean, I see. What do you do with this paganism?

58:38 Caller Well, I mean, how does it work? You don't believe in God or Jesus or anybody. You believe in the goddess.

58:49 Adam I see. Who's that? Brooke Shields? Who is that?

58:55 Caller She's a being.

58:57 Adam I see. All right. Well, listen, this is going to serve you well in life. Make sure and put it right at the top of every application you fill out for a job. Pay again.

59:07 Caller All right. I've got another question.

59:10 Adam Yeah.

59:11 Caller I've been having a lot of health problems lately. My back has been killing me. I'm on painkillers and stuff for my back.

59:18 Drew Oh boy. Adam, you're 14.

59:23 Caller I've got tons and tons and tons of acne all over my face and body.

59:28 Drew Why don't you get that treated?

59:30 Caller Well, I've tried this stuff called Proactiv. It seems to work pretty well, but it's expensive. It's like 40 bucks from three months supply.

59:37 Drew Yeah. You may need something stronger than that actually.

59:39 Adam How about Accutane? Is that stronger?

59:42 Drew Yep. How about Accutane?

59:44 Caller Yeah.

59:45 Adam Yeah. Okay. Anyway, Adam, why don't you take Accutane?

59:51 Caller Okay.

59:52 Drew That'll cure it.

59:52 Adam Do you understand what we're saying?

59:54 Caller Yeah.

59:54 Adam Would you like to cure your problem?

59:57 Caller Definitely, because it itches and burns.

59:59 Adam I understand. Take that Accutane.

1:00:02 Caller Yeah. Okay. Oh, and I just want to say that Adam, Dr. Drew, I love you guys.

1:00:09 Adam Yeah. Well, thanks. We love you too. I don't even know where to get to with him.

1:00:13 Drew We didn't get anywhere. Yeah.

1:00:14 Adam Well, listen, take your Accutane. But let's just start with the zits. Take the Accutane. You know what's funny about that? We do this a lot of our, a lot of callers call this show. They're like, I got a problem, man. It is a big problem. It is one hell of a problem.

1:00:30 Drew Then they never get to it.

1:00:31 Adam It is the mother of all problems. No, they get to it. And well, one of the problems I have, I have acne. Bad, bad acne. It's all over my back. It's all over my face. It burns. It's humiliating. Yeah. Take some Accutane. Anyway, yeah, you take this Accutane. That'll clear it up. Yeah. Anyway, it's like, oh, sorry. All of a sudden, I feel like I'm going door to door selling knives, you know?

1:00:58 Drew Right.

1:01:00 Adam You have a problem. You told us what the problem is, and we're telling you how to fix that problem.

1:01:06 Drew This brings me back to the...

1:01:07 Adam Here's what I want, though. Here's my dream. Here's what I'll never get out of our collars. Accutane, does it really work?

1:01:16 Drew How would I get it?

1:01:16 Adam How do I get hold of it? How much is this stuff? Hold on. Let me write this down. Uh-huh. And how do you know it works? And what are the side effects? And I didn't know this existed. Yeah. Anyway, back to paganism.

1:01:30 Drew But this gets me back to the topic I was talking about in the first hour, which is trying to educate people about the drugs they choose to use.

1:01:37 Adam Yes.

1:01:38 Drew It's the same thing. It's, it's okay. X-ray and neurotoxin, the dorsal nucleus of raffae projections in the nucleus accumbens are going to be fried. You're going to have no serotonergic receptors or serotonergic release in the, in the limbic system. It'll, it'll screw up your memory and your mood for your life. Okay. So yeah. So does it drain the spinal fluid out of your back?

1:01:59 Adam Well, listen, it's part of being stupid. Here's, here's a, hey, Drew, think about this. You want to know what, you want to know what one of the definitions, one of the cornerstones of being stupid is? Being disinterested in things you really should be interested in, and being way too interested in junk that doesn't really matter.

1:02:22 Drew But I don't think that's-

1:02:23 Adam Getting, getting- Listen, it is becoming a huge fan of a particular pro wrestler to the point where you've dropped 200 bucks in merchandising, posters, and have spent your last penny to go down to the arena and hold a big cardboard sign up that says to rock. And meanwhile, not dealing with whatever medical problem, drug problem, or emotional problem you're having. Part of being stupid is focusing on stuff you don't need to focus on, and, and it's a perfect balance, not focusing on stuff you really need to focus on. Smart people focus on stuff they need to focus on, and don't pay too much attention to stuff that doesn't affect them.

1:03:04 Drew But I'm not sure it's really intelligence, or even a cognitive process. I go to these colleges around the country, and I talk to smart kids.

1:03:08 Adam You hate to break it down, they're smart and stupid. That's what it is. I don't know. That's right.

1:03:14 Drew Well, because I go to some pretty high-powered schools, and some can't get through. In fact, then there's entitlement, then it's like, I'm smarter.

1:03:21 Adam You can be stupid and a college student, I mean, please. Sam?

1:03:26 Yeah.

1:03:26 Adam You're 22.

1:03:27 Caller Yeah.

1:03:28 Adam What's up?

1:03:29 Caller Hi Adam, hi Dr. Drew. I love you guys, you're so really rock.

1:03:32 Adam Thank you.

1:03:34 Caller Okay, I got a problem. Around a week ago, I was feeling all down and I called one of those phone sex lines, which is something I don't usually do. I do it like once every like six months when I feel extremely depressed and I told, we got in conversation, I told my girlfriend about it and to make a long story short, she said that she considers it borderline cheating and then if I did it again she'd want to break up and I really don't know what to do.

1:04:03 Drew We've been spinoff about that one.

1:04:05 Adam Why did you tell her?

1:04:07 Caller I don't know.

1:04:08 Drew Was she going to see the phone bill anyway?

1:04:10 Caller No. No? I don't know how we got in conversation and I told her.

1:04:14 Adam Yeah, you're stupid. It's all right. This stupidity is based on age and inexperience. Like I was saying last night, you just can't share everything. You really can't. But I wonder if there's a part of you that's just sort of depressed and trying to push her out. I mean, why would you tell her? Why would you volunteer it? Do you know what I'm saying? Is there a part of you that wants out of this relationship?

1:04:40 Caller Well, no, I was just because I was worried that I was going to get a big phone bill and I was pissed off about that because I haven't been working much.

1:04:48 Drew I get more of a dependency thing.

1:04:49 Adam He didn't answer the question.

1:04:50 Drew Yeah, I don't get that. I get more that he-

1:04:52 Adam I'm not getting it either. But anytime a guy knowingly divulges something to a mate that's going to get him in trouble, I always question it a little bit.

1:05:02 Drew I think it's because he's looking for some fusion to rescue him from his feelings. He's going to just open his soul to her and she's going to take over and whisk him into happiness.

1:05:11 Adam Yeah.

1:05:12 Drew So everything he does is he feels guilty about and has to unload it on her.

1:05:15 Adam All right. Well, Sam, here's how you can avoid that. A, either don't do it again or B, when you do do it, don't tell her, you jackass. Okay. All right. C, you're depressed.

1:05:27 Drew Yeah. Deal with that. Okay, Sam? Okay. Get it treated or start making change in your life so you can begin to climb out of what it is that is keeping you down.

1:05:37 Adam All right. Let me explain.

1:05:39 Drew By the way, I revisited my college last weekend, a 20-year college, and one of the reactions I had was, oh my God, just going back out of the campus. Oh my God, was I depressed when I was here. Of course. Oh my God.

1:05:50 Adam Yeah.

1:05:51 Drew Oh my God.

1:05:52 Adam You were miserable. I saw you. I saw pictures. Anyone with the frames that you had on your glasses would be depressed. I don't know how you kept your head up. These things are so big. Charles Nelson Riley, you look like. All right. You know what? Here's my, I want to impart some knowledge to our listeners because we don't have a guest tonight. It's the last night of the week. What the hell? Screw all of you. I don't care if this is entertaining or not, but I want you to listen up. This is important. We have a lot of people that call this show and they're depressed and they're in a bad way, and they're going through a tough time, and they don't know what to do, and they don't have the money, and they don't have the wherewithal, and they just can't go to a therapist, and there's no one they can turn to. Essentially, you have to cure yourself in a way, and ultimately, you do in life anyway. Ultimately, you do have to take care of your own ass and you're depressed, and I'm going to tell you right now a way to cure that depression. It's easy, and I know none of you will ever do it, but if you did start doing it, it would start going away. At least it would cut into it. It really would. Here's my tips. I use them in my own life. And look at me. I'm a pillar of happiness. Literally a pillar. I'm literally made of marble and alabaster. Here's what you do. A, listen to classical music whenever you can. I'm telling the truth.

1:07:26 Drew I don't care if it's or it's not. You never listen to that stuff. You scream at me when I listen to opera.

1:07:29 Adam How dare you?

1:07:30 Drew You scream at me.

1:07:31 Adam How dare you? Please. I listen to classical music when I drive my car. I listen to it at home.

1:07:37 Drew What do you listen to? Do you just put on?

1:07:39 Adam I don't know what the hell it is.

1:07:40 Drew Mozart and that's it.

1:07:41 Adam Yeah. The point is, it clears your head out a little bit. Having people screaming in the background all the time and destroying their instruments is bad. It's good when you're having a good time, but when you need to clear your head out sometimes, listen to some classical music and take some walks. Take long walks. Get some headphones, tune in to some classical station, and just take a long walk. And do it every day. Do some push-ups. Do some exercise. Do stuff you don't want to do. You don't feel like cleaning your room, clean your room. You don't feel like emptying the garbage, empty the garbage. You don't feel like doing those push-ups, do those push-ups. Start doing stuff you don't want to do. Start breaking yourself down a little bit. Don't give in to it. Don't take a nap. Don't smoke the weed. Don't watch endless hours of TV. Push yourself out of it. You can do it yourself. I mean, you ain't going to cure yourself, but you can put a good dent in it. Thank you. And yes, thank you, Anson. Triple down on the masturbation. Kim. Hi. You're 15. Don't masturbate while you're walking though.

1:08:47 Drew You tried that a couple of times?

1:08:48 Adam Yes. A dog got hold of my penis. I haven't seen it since. Damn neighbors. What's up there, Kim?

1:08:55 Guest First of all, happy belated birthday, Adam.

1:08:57 Adam Thank you.

1:08:58 Caller I had a question for Dr. Drew.

1:08:59 Adam I'm 36 years young.

1:09:04 Caller Yeah.

1:09:06 Drew Okay.

1:09:07 Guest My question was, is there a female equivalent to the pearly penile papules?

1:09:12 Drew Not really. What are you seeing?

1:09:16 Guest Whenever I hear you describe them to your male colors, I'm like, hey, that looks like what I have. It's like little goose bump. It's white near the surface, the inside of the outer lips.

1:09:30 Drew Yeah. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. That is a very similar phenomenon. Not the same thing, but similar.

1:09:36 Caller Is it dangerous at all?

1:09:37 Drew No.

1:09:38 Guest Because I've had it for years.

1:09:39 Drew Yeah. Normal.

1:09:41 Guest Okay.

1:09:41 Drew I wonder what they would call that though?

1:09:44 Adam Probably vaginal, papules. I don't know. Have to come up with something to start with a P. I don't want to call it that. Do you know what I'm saying? All right. The P word.

1:09:56 Caller Okay.

1:09:57 Adam All right, Kim.

1:09:57 Caller All right. Thank you.

1:09:58 Adam All right. Listen to classical music, do this pushups.

1:10:00 Caller Okay.

1:10:01 Adam There you go. Let's see. John?

1:10:06 Drew No, let's take a little break.

1:10:07 Adam He's got genital fungus. I had to itch my nuts just reading his question. You want to talk now?

1:10:13 Drew After break.

1:10:14 Adam Oh, man. Look at Jenna. She's having sex dreams about the dad. That's something. Let me just check in with her. We'll take a break. Jenna?

1:10:22 Guest Yes.

1:10:23 Adam You're 19? 18? Sorry. You're having sex dreams about your dad?

1:10:27 Caller Yeah.

1:10:29 Drew Is he explicit?

1:10:30 Guest It's the most recent one. I've had two in the last two weeks, and it's really disturbing, obviously. But the most recent one was a little tiny girl came up, and she was telling me that she had been molested. And so I, you know, I was telling my dad about it, and the little girl goes up and she goes, he touched, he wanted me to touch him here. And she puts her hands to my dad's genitals. And he's just like, you know, what are you doing? But then later on, it, it's like it turned him on or something. And I'll see my dad, like, masquerading.

1:11:09 Drew Interesting.

1:11:10 Adam Was that little girl you or was it that that Pepsi chick?

1:11:14 Guest No, it's not me.

1:11:15 Drew With the Aretha Franklin voice?

1:11:16 Adam Yeah.

1:11:17 Drew Yeah.

1:11:17 Adam Jesus Christ. I have had an ass full of that little piece of ass. I really have. Oh.

1:11:23 Drew And it's not her fault.

1:11:24 Adam I know. It's her screwed up parents' fault. Wacked out stage moms dragging their little kids all over the goddamn planet. Oh, you people make me sick. Any of you parents that take your kids out to auditions ought to be shot. You really should. Your kids should be left. They should grow like weeds out in the yard. That's it. Yeah. Your head should grow on the ground like an onion. I put a pox on you. There's no more screwed up parents than the ones that drag their kids out to those things, is there? Uh-huh.

1:11:57 Drew Yeah.

1:11:57 Adam Okay. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll get back with Jenna and her sexual dreams about her dad after this.

1:12:08 Drew The Batamcrawl and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:12:46 Adam Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, or Ace Rockolla as a lot of you know me. And that's my partner, Dr. Drew, over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Now, let's get back and speak to Jenna, who had a dream about her dad. Her dad was masturbating. Well, Jenna, do you believe your dad ever did anything to you?

1:13:08 Guest No, I don't.

1:13:09 Drew Did you ever saw him masturbating?

1:13:11 Guest When I was about in the first grade, I didn't know what he was doing at the time he was in the shower, and we had a clear shower curtain, and I walked in, I had no idea what he was doing until a few years later, for some reason, I remembered it.

1:13:25 Adam I see.

1:13:25 Guest And since then, I've remembered it if I, I don't know why.

1:13:28 Adam All right, all right. So, BFD, as they say. Now, why are you so affected? Why do you sound so affected by this?

1:13:37 Guest I don't know.

1:13:38 Adam What else is going wrong in your life?

1:13:41 Guest No.

1:13:42 Adam Yes.

1:13:44 Guest I mean, otherwise, everything's great.

1:13:46 Adam No.

1:13:46 Guest Great boyfriend.

1:13:47 Adam No. No. No.

1:13:48 Guest My mom was pretty screwed up.

1:13:50 Adam There we go.

1:13:50 Guest I talked to her in about a year.

1:13:52 Adam Okay. What's her problem?

1:13:53 Guest Oh, she was basically a prostitute. No, not literally, but she did have a lot of affairs on my dad. And I've seen her do that.

1:14:06 Adam I understand why dad was in the shower, taking care of business.

1:14:08 Drew What do you mean you saw her do that?

1:14:11 Guest I have one memory of her where she was having sex with her ex-husband. I don't even know if it was real or a dream or so long ago, but it just there. I have that memory.

1:14:24 Drew There's a lot of heavy stuff flying around, Janet. Not just about your dad.

1:14:28 Guest I mean, it was years ago when I was, like I said, first grade and before. I was tiny.

1:14:35 Drew Yeah, but that's what it is.

1:14:36 Adam All the worse. It's like saying the anvil fell on my head, but the good news is I was only three feet tall.

1:14:42 Drew Yeah.

1:14:44 Adam Even worse.

1:14:45 Drew And I can't remember it.

1:14:46 Adam Yeah. All right, hey, Jenna. You start listening to classical music and go for walks.

1:14:52 Guest I do. I listen to classical music all the time.

1:14:54 Adam Oh, you're ruining my theory.

1:14:56 Guest I'm sorry.

1:14:56 Drew This is not about, the issue is not, gee, you were sexually abused and that's coming to consciousness. No, it's that you had some traumatic experience with your dad there and that's sort of coming in. But you've also had some also very heavy experiences with someone else.

1:15:08 Guest Okay, but how can I, I mean, obviously I can't stop myself from if this memory comes up, but how, these dreams are really disturbing.

1:15:18 Adam Oh, how many have you had?

1:15:19 Guest Like I said, I had two in the last two weeks and otherwise I've had just, I have a lot of vivid dreams.

1:15:26 Adam All right, hey, Janet, Janet, you gotta go to a therapist.

1:15:29 Drew What is it that's most disturbing about this?

1:15:32 Guest It's that my dreams are very real.

1:15:34 Drew What is the feeling that's disturbing?

1:15:37 Guest Well, obviously seeing my dad that way, but then I wake up and I have, I mean I can't stop thinking about it.

1:15:42 Drew And what is the feeling you have?

1:15:45 Guest One, I feel bad, like I'm, like I'm, you know, I shouldn't think that way about my dad. He's the perfect guy. He's never done anything bad to me. And just, it's gross, obviously.

1:15:57 Adam All right. All right. Hey, hey, listen, Jenna?

1:16:00 Guest Yeah?

1:16:01 Adam You gotta talk to the therapist. You're a big ball of feelings.

1:16:05 Guest Yeah.

1:16:05 Adam You got a ton of stuff running around in your head. You gotta talk to somebody, all right?

1:16:10 Guest Okay.

1:16:11 Adam Yeah. All right?

1:16:13 Guest Yeah, thank you.

1:16:14 Drew Don't worry about these dreams. They don't mean anything.

1:16:16 Adam Don't pay any attention to these dreams. You got, you have bigger fish to fry.

1:16:19 Drew Yeah, I think, I think some other heavy feeling is attached to the child in your dream, frankly. Oh, man.

1:16:25 Adam And listen, everybody, with the dreams already. You know, it's just some sort of a hodgepodge of crap that you saw on TV that day. Don't go too nutty with those dreams. Jesus?

1:16:39 Yeah.

1:16:40 Adam Yes. My good friend Jesus is called in. He's 2,033 years old.

1:16:47 I'm a little upset.

1:16:48 Adam I know. You heard me talking about you earlier?

1:16:50 I told you not to tell nobody. The little people are going to get upset. They're jealous.

1:16:55 Adam Jesus has bad grammar.

1:16:58 Drew Is that something that's lost in the Hebrew translation?

1:17:00 Adam I think it was, yeah. Don't tell nobody. Yeah, Jesus, first hear me out, would you, buddy?

1:17:08 Yeah, I'll listen to your side.

1:17:10 Adam Yeah, because who loves you? I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

1:17:18 Drew Oh, you're announcing to the crowd.

1:17:19 Adam Yes, yes. I'm explaining this to people. Many of our listeners claim to have and plenty of people on TV, and mostly pro athletes who have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I, unlike a lot of you guys who claim to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, actually hang with the cat. That's right. Stop me if I'm wrong here, Jesus. No, you're right. Jesus has confided in me on many occasions that I was one of his favorite subjects and that he looked at the other people's basically sheep, lemmings, lambs to the slaughter, and that I was the one he was most excited about having a personal relationship with. And actually it was me and Tiger Woods.

1:18:02 Drew He sounds pretty good for 2033 too.

1:18:06 Adam Well, he kicked off at 33. He ascended just a couple of days later, I guess. And it's got no more mileage on him. Yeah. So, Jesus, I know you're a little upset about me telling people about this because you told me, you know, I got the radio gig and you asked me not to say anything, but I couldn't help it.

1:18:27 Oh, can you do something like make up for it?

1:18:29 Adam Yes. What would you like, Jesus?

1:18:32 I've been listening to your show lately, and a lot of people have been calling in, and they're the sexual immoral. They're the people who practice magically immoral stuff. They're the liars.

1:18:42 Drew Jesus, just say in Hebrew, we might understand this better.

1:18:44 Adam They're the sinners, yes.

1:18:45 They're the sinners, and they will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur, and that is their second death, and if you don't-

1:18:52 Adam Drew's been here in the lake of sulfur a night or two after I ate Mexican.

1:18:58 Yeah. If you could spread my word, tell him the word of me, then it would help them out.

1:19:06 Adam Right. Well, I tell them either you're for him or against him, or you're sort of in the middle, but it's one of the three, right?

1:19:15 Yeah.

1:19:15 Adam That's right.

1:19:16 I just wanted to know why you weren't at church last Sunday.

1:19:24 Adam I don't have a good excuse. I was too busy drinking, masturbating, taking Vicodin.

1:19:28 Yeah. I saw that on your show, The Man Show.

1:19:31 Adam Yes. Is that one of your favorite shows, Jesus?

1:19:33 I watch it all the time.

1:19:34 Adam Thank you. They have cable up there?

1:19:37 That one to the manovations. Yes. The shotgun can.

1:19:41 Adam Oh, yeah. That's an invention of mine, a shotgun beer.

1:19:43 Thank you. That's not available anywhere, though.

1:19:45 Adam Well, you can get it.

1:19:46 Jesus would be able to get it.

1:19:47 Adam You can get it in hell.

1:19:48 Oh, oh.

1:19:49 Adam All right, Jesus.

1:19:50 I'm not allowed to go there.

1:19:50 Adam Hey, we'll take this act on the road one day.

1:19:53 Yeah.

1:19:53 Adam Yeah. All right. Thank you for calling out.

1:19:56 Drew Thank you, Jesus. And when you looked up at the Jesus' call on the screen here, you said, Oh, finally somebody with some intelligence.

1:20:03 Adam Well, he had some. It's just Jesus' grammar wasn't as good as I thought, you know, what it would expect. But I've rafted the man many time because as I said, I have a personal relationship to Jesus Christ.

1:20:15 Drew But he must speak all the world's languages. All of them.

1:20:18 Adam Oh, yeah, he does. Well, that's why his grammar is not so good. You know how it is when people are from different countries. Christopher?

1:20:25 Yeah.

1:20:25 Adam You're 16.

1:20:26 Caller Yeah.

1:20:27 Adam What's up?

1:20:28 Caller Oh, I just want to start off by saying I love your guys' show. I've been listening to you guys for a while and heard some people call in. Sunday night, I went to a rave in Pomona and I got slip some DXM. Before I had gotten the DXM, I was already on four hits of acid and four nodos. So I got about 5,000 milligrams of Robitasm DM. It's concentrated Robitasm, I'm assuming. I guess that's what it was, doctor said.

1:20:54 Adam Good times.

1:20:55 Caller Huh?

1:20:55 Adam Good times.

1:20:57 Caller What?

1:20:58 Adam Yeah.

1:20:59 Caller So I had some friends that I ran into that were trying to take care of me, that have done it before and trying to tell me that it would be okay and walking me through it. Well, Monday morning, which was Memorial Day, I had the three friends come over wall. I thought it was all over with. Basically the wall caved in on me and it started all over again. And my guess was my heart was stopping. That's what the doctor was saying. And I was suffocating myself. I had to go to the hospital. I flatlined three times in front of my friends. I really went to my friends. Well, when I went to this, I went to some type of religious experience. I guess you could say, and I've always been kind of like, I believe in God, but I don't like religion.

1:21:34 Adam Yeah. Hold on. Slow down there, Christopher. You want me to get Jesus back on the horn? All right. Relax, relax there, screwball.

1:21:41 Drew That is called a psychosis, Christopher. You become a hyper-religion.

1:21:45 Adam How do you know you? Please believe in God. How gay are you, Drew?

1:21:49 How gay are you?

1:21:52 Adam How do you know you flatlined?

1:21:54 Caller Oh, the doctor told me that I flatlined three times.

1:21:56 Adam Now, Drew is, hold on a second.

1:21:59 Drew There is no such thing as flatlining, really, for that, this case.

1:22:03 Adam Okay. Flatlining is basically your heart stopping.

1:22:07 Drew Correct. It is called asystole. He would not have asystole.

1:22:11 Adam No.

1:22:11 Drew He would have ventricular fibrillation, which is not a flatline.

1:22:13 Adam Okay. And?

1:22:14 Drew And they would have to put paddles on it.

1:22:16 Caller That was the term that my grandmother had used for me. I don't know what the doctor told her, but basically I was on the heart monitor, and I guess my heartbeat was skipping.

1:22:24 Drew That's normal. That's normal after all those drugs you put on your sister.

1:22:27 Caller And then the one time, I actually, they thought that my heart had stopped.

1:22:30 Drew Which is also normal. It's called a compensatory pause.

1:22:33 Caller Okay. I don't know.

1:22:34 Adam Were you conscious?

1:22:36 Caller I don't, I remember, I remember like, like...

1:22:39 Drew Christopher, if you had arrested, you would not be going home after that experience. They would send you out of the emergency room, okay?

1:22:47 Caller They didn't. They kept me in the hospital for two days, but to keep me under some type of, they were watching me.

1:22:53 Adam So while you, while you, while you, it cheated death there.

1:22:57 Caller Yeah.

1:22:57 Adam While you were technically dead, you had a religious experience.

1:23:02 Caller Well, this is the thing is, about when I was 14, I came out of the closet. I've always known I was gay. You know, I kind of just didn't, you know, it's just I know I'm gay. Well, when I went to this, I realized, you know, that maybe I should become more godly or something like that. So for like the last three days of my life, I've been putting myself through hell, trying to make myself believe that I'm straight, I guess.

1:23:22 Adam Yeah.

1:23:22 Caller Or I'm trying to...

1:23:24 Adam Three days of thinking you're straight. How long can you keep this facade up?

1:23:28 Caller I'm trying to force myself to like girls, but it's kind of like one of those things where you see a girl, oh, she's pretty, but I see a guy and oh, he's hotter. You know, and it's just not working.

1:23:36 Adam You're preaching to the choir.

1:23:37 Caller Huh?

1:23:38 Adam Thank you.

1:23:39 Caller I don't want to go to hell, you know, but I don't know how I can just not like guys. I don't know how this works. And I just I don't know what I'm...

1:23:46 Adam Well, let me contradict some things that I said earlier. There's no hell. There's no hell. There's no heaven. There's no God. There's none of that. That is something that was created by stupid, scared people who didn't want to die, saw someone else die, realized they were going to die, and had to make up a quick reason why everything was going to be okay.

1:24:08 Caller You go to hell and you die.

1:24:09 Adam That's all it is. Now, here's your hell. Your hell is living on earth, not wanting to be gay when you're gay. That's going to hell and some of those clubs with no windows. That's a form of hell too.

1:24:21 Drew The way he's going to be locked into here pretty soon with his brain.

1:24:25 Adam Yes, that is hell. This part about the guy in the robe, on the cross, with all this, this is nothing but complete and utter nonsense that's been cooked up by a very scared and very stupid people.

1:24:38 Caller Okay.

1:24:39 Adam Sorry to burst everyone's bubble, but stand back and take a look at it for a second.

1:24:43 Caller I've been doing this myself for the rest of my life, and get in relationships with a girl and end up having children with her and then decide that I don't.

1:24:48 Drew Good, don't do that, Christopher.

1:24:49 Adam You're 16, stop taking drugs.

1:24:52 Drew Slow down.

1:24:53 Caller That's obvious.

1:24:54 Adam And let everything just sort of sort its way out.

1:24:56 Caller Okay.

1:24:57 Adam All right? Slow down. Slow down there, buddy.

1:25:01 Drew The pressure of speech, wow.

1:25:03 Adam Well, gay guys talk fast.

1:25:05 Drew Racing thoughts, tangential, ee.

1:25:07 Adam There's, I believe, there's a little governor for speech pattern that they keep in your ass. And only the penis can unlock it. And once it's reached with the penis, it's turned and it's sped up. You know, a certain, like, tape decks, like home stereo units and stuff, they actually have a knob on it where you can actually speed up the music a little or slow it down a little. It's like that knob, but it's in the anus. And you can't reach it. But only the penis can get to it. And it turns it up just a little bit. Think about all the gay comedians. Think about the gay comedians.

1:25:43 Caller Blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:25:45 Adam Do you know what I'm talking about? What is that? Relax. Smoke some weed. You're trying to get us to smoke, Pot, all the time so you can get in our pants. You smoke some of the weed and slow your ass down. Slow your gay ass down for a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, we're going to take a little break. Yeah, good times though, right? Good times. And we'll talk to Ashley, orgasms every time she pees. Oh, you want to talk about heaven? You want to talk about hell? It's right here on Earth, everybody, after this.

1:26:24 Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:27:02 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Hey, it's a loveline. I mean, no. Matchbox 20 is going to be in here on Sunday night. And let's talk to Ashley, who's 16. Ashley.

1:27:23 Caller Hi. Hey. Yeah, I have a question.

1:27:26 Guest Like, I fooled around with my ex-boyfriend in the shower.

1:27:29 Caller Like, it happened like maybe two months ago. And, like, ever since I've been having, like, orgasms whenever I go to the bathroom, and sometimes, like, I'll bleed, like, every, like, every time.

1:27:40 Drew Every single time?

1:27:41 Caller Every single time.

1:27:43 Drew Every single, wait, every single time you urinate?

1:27:45 Caller Yeah.

1:27:45 Drew You bleed from the urine?

1:27:47 Caller Yeah. And, like, I have, like, an orgasm, like, like, just-

1:27:50 Adam I'd be drinking beer all day.

1:27:52 Drew Sounds like you're having a bad urinary tract infection. Sometimes just the irritation from that can make women sort of feel like they're orgasming.

1:27:57 Caller Yeah, and I don't know what it is, and, like, like, everything-

1:28:00 Drew Ashley, let me state it again. A bad urinary tract infection, okay?

1:28:04 Adam Yeah, I don't know what it is, though. Trying to figure that out. Don't know what that is.

1:28:08 Drew You need to go get that tested and get on some antibiotics before it gets into your kidneys and causes damage.

1:28:13 Caller Could it be something like that he did?

1:28:15 Drew Let me-

1:28:16 Adam Hey, hey, listen. Daughter of Tardo, would you listen? Jesus Christ. He's saying you have a urinary tract infection, and you should get it checked out.

1:28:28 Drew Having sex will cause urinary tract infections.

1:28:31 Caller No. With him.

1:28:33 Drew What's that?

1:28:33 Caller I didn't have sex with him.

1:28:35 Adam What did you do?

1:28:36 Caller He banged me.

1:28:38 Drew Well, have anything, any activity down there where there's pressure can push bacteria.

1:28:44 Adam But no sex?

1:28:45 Caller No.

1:28:45 Adam Yeah, but he put a soap on a rope up you, right?

1:28:49 Caller No.

1:28:50 Adam No. Okay. What's it like to be you, Ashley?

1:28:57 Caller I'm a blonde.

1:28:58 Adam It must be good in many ways. Isn't it good?

1:29:03 Caller Yeah, sometimes, but it gets old.

1:29:07 Drew She's multi-orgasmic too, I bet.

1:29:09 Adam Are you multi-orgasmic?

1:29:11 Caller Well, I just been having it every time.

1:29:18 Adam You know how sometimes you look at a cat or a raccoon or something and you go, not bad, not a bad life. You see the cat, you see the dog, dog stretched out on the sofa. Dog doesn't know it's going to die in a few years. Dog doesn't care about anything. Super Bowl, the Kentucky Derby doesn't care about the ozone layer, he doesn't care about acid rain or nuclear proliferation or nuclear suitcase bombs being smuggled out of the former Soviet Union. What? Sorry, man, I don't want to freak you out. But here's my point. All that dog knows is its ass itches or that it's hungry. I look at the dog sometimes and even though I don't want to be a dog, I go, that dog seems pretty happy. Now, wouldn't it be nice to be that dog? Well, you can't because you know too much. But once in a while, I meet a person and I go, wouldn't it be nice? Your biggest concern is your cuticles. Yeah. There's a concert coming up in a couple of weeks. That's all you can focus on. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I'm ruined now, ruined. You understand? You could give me a Ferrari. I wouldn't care.

1:30:35 Drew You can't even go to a strip club anymore.

1:30:37 Adam How dare you? How dare you?

1:30:39 Drew You and that too.

1:30:41 Adam The only thing I want to do now is play softball. Kathleen?

1:30:45 Caller Yeah?

1:30:45 Adam You're 24.

1:30:46 Caller Yes.

1:30:47 Adam What's up?

1:30:48 Caller I called because lately I've been dry in the vaginal area. I'm not sure what it is. I suspect maybe it's the pill, but it wasn't listed on any of the side effects.

1:30:59 Drew What pill are you taking?

1:31:00 Caller It's called Allegra.

1:31:02 Adam Oh, for allergies?

1:31:04 Drew Allegra D or Allegra?

1:31:06 Caller I believe it's just Allegra.

1:31:08 Drew Because the D can certainly dry out. And the Allegra is an antihistamine. It could possibly make you dry.

1:31:13 Caller No, I'm actually on the pill.

1:31:15 Drew The birth control pill?

1:31:17 Caller Yes.

1:31:17 Drew Also?

1:31:18 Caller No, that is what it is. It's called Allegra. Wait. No, I'm getting it mixed up.

1:31:22 Drew You mean a less. A less. You mean a less, yeah. A less.

1:31:25 Caller Yes, that's it. A less.

1:31:26 Drew Yeah, a less can make you dry. That's a possibility.

1:31:28 Adam Why?

1:31:29 Drew The pills can do that sometimes.

1:31:30 Adam Is that a birth control pill?

1:31:31 Drew Yeah, it's leaving a drestrel.

1:31:33 Adam A less? You never hear about that one.

1:31:35 Drew It's a low dose.

1:31:36 Adam I see.

1:31:36 Drew You can use it as a morning after pill.

1:31:38 Adam Yeah, what about a one. Let me ask you this, Drew. I sleep with my mouth open, it gets dry. If she's lying around with her legs open, will things dry up down there a little bit?

1:31:48 Caller I don't know. Not unless she breathes through it.

1:31:50 Adam Do you breathe through your vagina? No?

1:31:54 Caller Only if I sit up certain away, but anyway.

1:31:56 Adam I see. All right, so it's that pill.

1:31:59 Caller Yeah.

1:31:59 Adam Yeah.

1:32:00 Caller So what do I do about it?

1:32:02 Drew Change pills.

1:32:03 Caller Say that again?

1:32:04 Drew Change pills. Talk to your doctor.

1:32:06 Caller What's another good brand to change too?

1:32:08 Drew You might try Triphasic.

1:32:11 Caller Phasic?

1:32:11 Drew Triphasic like Ortho 777 or Triphasil or something like that.

1:32:16 Caller Okay.

1:32:16 Drew Okay.

1:32:17 Guest All right.

1:32:18 Adam All right.

1:32:18 Guest Great.

1:32:19 Caller Thanks.

1:32:19 Adam Try meaning four and phasic meaning something you're going through but that you'll grow out of. Okay?

1:32:25 Caller Oh, I see.

1:32:26 Adam I see. There we go.

1:32:27 Drew Four phasic.

1:32:29 Adam Hey, Nikki?

1:32:30 Guest Yeah, I'm here.

1:32:32 Adam You're 20. Are you standing too close to the generator?

1:32:38 Drew Driving a truck.

1:32:39 Adam What's going on?

1:32:43 Caller Well, my brother was just sent to prison. And, well, he's my little brother. And, well, we're really close.

1:32:51 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:32:52 Caller I'm actually on a cell phone picking my boyfriend up from work.

1:32:55 Adam I see.

1:32:57 Caller But at any rate, I kind of have like a problem with like having sex. I mean, I've heard like I'm on the Zepp O'Vara shot.

1:33:06 Adam What's your brother in prison for?

1:33:08 Caller Actually, he's in prison for statutory rape. And, I mean, I have like nightmares about it constantly. And, I mean, it really like... I don't know, the girl was... I mean, I have a problem with it. I left the girl in my house and I didn't know she was 15 years old and he just had got out of jail. So, it's kind of like I feel like I'm maybe the one, like, at fault.

1:33:33 Adam It's all your fault. You shouldn't open the door.

1:33:36 Caller Yeah.

1:33:36 Adam Good times. What was she doing coming over to the house?

1:33:39 Caller Actually, she snuck out of her house and my brother...

1:33:44 Adam And what was your brother coming out of jail for?

1:33:47 Caller Malicious destruction. They went around like doing stupid crap, busting mailboxes and...

1:33:54 Adam He got thrown in jail for that?

1:33:55 Caller Yeah. He was 17 years old.

1:33:57 Adam He must have had a little bit of a history before that.

1:34:01 Caller Well, yeah.

1:34:02 Caller He was kind of harassed in our small town by the police.

1:34:06 Adam Yeah.

1:34:06 Drew It's his... Holy God.

1:34:08 Adam Now, I know what it's like when the man tries to bring it down. There you are doing nothing, minding your own business, blowing up mailboxes with M-80s and the man, because it's a small town mentality... Yeah. It's probably because he's a white guy, right?

1:34:27 Caller Yeah.

1:34:27 Adam Yeah. I understand. I know what it's like to be a white youth living in America, man coming down on you.

1:34:34 Caller Yeah.

1:34:34 Adam Yeah. Because of color of your skin, man.

1:34:37 Caller Yeah.

1:34:37 Adam Yeah.

1:34:38 Caller Well, it's been hell for my family.

1:34:40 Adam Yeah. Well, it's tough. He's a victim as much as the mailboxes he destroyed and the youngins he banged. He really is. He's a victim. My heart goes out to him. It's no different than someone who's stricken with cancer or another form of disease.

1:34:55 Caller Yeah.

1:34:56 Adam Here's someone who couldn't help what happened. Sure, a lot of people could argue that he could have stayed home the night he went out and destroyed everyone's property or he could have kept his Johnson in his pants when he was banging the underage chicks fresh out of prison. But that's an argument and they're entitled to their opinions.

1:35:15 Caller Yeah.

1:35:15 Adam I don't believe a word of it. I say this man, you know what I would say about this guy, Nikki?

1:35:22 Caller What's that?

1:35:23 Adam We need more men like him. This world needs more guys like this.

1:35:27 Caller I would.

1:35:28 Adam The guys that are willing to stand up to the man.

1:35:30 Caller Yeah.

1:35:30 Adam The man comes after them, small town mentality.

1:35:33 Caller Yeah. Well, I just talked to him.

1:35:36 Adam Yeah, he's a saint.

1:35:37 Caller Yeah. I guess like everybody's calling him a pedophile and this is my little brother. So in my big sister protective stage, I want to go and kick some ass, but I know I can't and I know I can't really do anything.

1:35:54 Adam Well, can't you bake him a cake with a file in it or something? No.

1:35:58 Caller Well, I wish I could.

1:36:00 Adam Nikki.

1:36:01 Caller What's that?

1:36:02 Adam This guy's a major F-up. A major F-up and the fact that you're making excuses for him and protecting him makes you a minor F-up at least. So he's in there because he deserves to be in there because he's F-ed up repeatedly.

1:36:17 Caller Yes, he has.

1:36:18 Adam Okay. Move on with your life. Move on, you screwball. Jesus Christ. I wish I could find one of these people in my family. Where the hell are these people? I wish, I wish I had this. Family won't even get cable.

1:36:37 Caller Kidding.

1:36:38 Adam Here's how it's like a three-time loser at 19. He's not his fault. But the man has it again because he's white. All right, we'll take a break.

1:36:51 Caller We'll be right back with more Love Line. They can't do it.

1:37:23 Adam No, they can't. No, they can't. And I can, and that's why I'm tortured. All right, I want to thank the beautiful Danielle. I call her Charmin, because she's so squeezable.

1:37:39 Drew You've got to see the video in the hostel work environment, will you?

1:37:42 Adam Oh, she's some kind of piece of ass, I'll tell you what. And I want to thank Engineer Anderson for doing a great job all week, as per usual, and of course, Producer Ann for coming in here a day and a half week. And doing a good job. She's back, she's got the doublets, and she's booking the show, and it's all good. So again, Matchbox 20 tomorrow night. Until next time, it's Adam Corolla. I'm sorry, Sunday night. I'm all screwed up now. You give me three days off, I freak out. Matchbox 20 Sunday night.

1:38:13 Drew Next show.

1:38:14 Adam Next show. And until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. I'm 36 years young. Well, now.

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Thursday, June 1, 2000