Episode 1000754887321

1:37 This is McBurnet, Nolte Audience.

1:40 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:56 Adam Yep, it is Loveline and Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number, 310-8-5-4-4-4-5-5. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. All right, tonight we are going to talk about Psycho Beach Party, which came out yesterday, which is, well, I don't want to call it a cult movie because it has only been out a day, but I was reading about it.

2:22 Drew It has a cult following.

2:23 Adam It has a large cult following after its one day release based on a Broadway play or an off-Broadway play. I am guessing whoever wrote it was gay. I can't remember, though. Beth Broderick is here and Andrew, now Andrew, is it Levitas?

2:40 Yeah, and that's the second time you got it wrong.

2:43 Drew Last time he was here you couldn't get it either.

2:44 Adam What, I call it Levitas or something? Levitas, I got it, right? You know, from Party of Five and Beth, of course, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and I ran into our favorite Caroline Ray yesterday.

2:56 Drew No way.

2:57 Adam That's my girl. That's right.

2:58 Drew Where?

2:58 Adam At a home improvement store.

3:01 Guest Caroline and I both just bought houses, so we're living at Home Depot. We go together on lunch hour.

3:07 Adam Yeah, she doesn't exactly have the eye of the tiger. I was talking to somebody who was like helping me, and she was like, are you guys going to be long? And I'm like, hey, Caroline, yeah, just a couple more minutes. She's like, well, we're going to go eat then. I said, you know what, we'll be done here in a second. She just has to circle something in a catalog. Yeah, we'll eat. I was like, you're going to go eat and then come back? Yeah, we'll be back. I said, Caroline, I swear to God, I'm almost done. That's okay, we'll eat.

3:35 Guest The contractor keeps saying, we're going to need sinks. She's like, oh, right.

3:40 Adam That's what we were looking at. She was trying to bogart the sink book. I told her I had to take a look at a sink first, and then she went to eat.

3:51 Drew It's a great affection for you too, that was being expressed.

3:53 Adam Yeah, I'm going to go eat.

3:54 Guest She wanted to spend some extra time with you.

3:56 Adam Yeah, she couldn't even stand with me for another 8 minutes until she got to the sink catalog. It's good to have you back.

4:05 Drew You're back too. Anderson is back in full force.

4:07 Adam Yeah, he stood up for everything.

4:09 Drew I almost fell over watching him stand up.

4:11 Adam Without the use of his four-legged aluminum cane, which is great. Alright, so let's talk about Psycho Beach Party because it just came out and I was reading a good review on it in the LA Times on Friday on my way home from the airport when I was in Toronto, but that's all I know.

4:28 Guest We got a great review in the New York Times too. It's actually based on an off-Broadway play by Charles Bush, who also wrote Vampire Lesbians of Sodom and Die Mommy Die. He's a gay.

4:42 Adam Die Mommy Die? That's gay. Oh, yes.

4:44 Guest He's an old friend of mine and he's really a fascinating guy because he does always play female characters, but he does it in a way that's really female positive.

4:55 Drew Die Mommy Die?

4:56 Guest Well, yes. Actually, they're all really strong women. There's a lot of drag artists that for my taste make me uncomfortable. They seem like really anti-woman. I see. Charles is not. Charles plays great, beautiful, glamorous, wonderful women.

5:13 Adam Now, I was thinking Camp, a fair amount of Camp in this movie and a fair amount of John Waters-flavored comedy in this, and a send up of the Frankie and Annette 60s beach party, beach blanket bingo type of movies.

5:29 Guest Yeah, absolutely. There's a lot of parody in it, a lot of movie references. It's very funny.

5:35 Adam Is it scary?

5:36 Guest What do you think, Andrew?

5:37 Um, well, scary? You know, it packs a wallop.

5:42 Guest No, it's not scary.

5:45 Adam Tittle-ating?

5:46 Guest Tittle-ating? Oh, way to see Andrew wrestle.

5:48 Adam Oh, really? Who are you wrestling?

5:51 This guy, Nick Cornish.

5:52 Adam Oh, you're wrestling. Nice.

5:54 In oil.

5:54 Adam Underpants?

5:55 Caller Oh, oil.

5:56 Adam Great.

5:56 Caller Nice 1960s, you know, Babysuit Bottom, very sexy stuff.

6:00 Adam And does it take place in the 60s, or is it just sort of parody, that genre?

6:05 Guest No, it takes place there.

6:06 Adam So, everyone's got the beehives and those...

6:08 Guest Oh, I've got those crazy, like, bell-shaped dresses with my little chicken legs sticking out the bottom.

6:14 It's ridiculous.

6:15 Adam Drew wore one of those last Teen Choice Awards, I think.

6:19 Drew I did.

6:19 Adam Yes, looking good. All right, we will take some calls. By the way, it's at the Lemley Five, Lemley Sunset Five, if you're out here in Southern California, Los Angeles, and University Edwards, Irvine, Art, and wait a minute, I'm just reading straight off this page. Irvine Art in Long Beach. Is that right, Anne? We'll get this straightened out.

6:40 Guest It's the Art in Long Beach, and the Edwards in Irvine.

6:43 Adam Okay. There you go.

6:45 Drew Huh?

6:46 Adam There you have it. Nicole?

6:49 Yes.

6:49 Adam You're 19.

6:50 Caller Yes.

6:50 Adam What's up?

6:52 Caller My boyfriend and I had sex a few days ago for the first time, and everything was great. But the thing is, he said the condom, he was using felt as if it was cutting off the circulation. And when he ejaculated, he felt as if his penis was being suffocated, and his balls were sore. So I was wondering what caused that. I mean, he's an average guy.

7:13 Adam When he says sore, does he mean in pain, or they were upset at the penis?

7:19 Drew And I worry about suffocation too, and I wonder if the auctions apply, whether there's adequate flow through the condom.

7:24 Adam Right. You don't have to cut the penis off, eventually.

7:28 Caller Well, he said it felt as if somebody kicked him there several times.

7:32 Adam Right. And did he tuck the testicles into the condom like I do, or did he leave them out?

7:38 No, he left them out.

7:39 Adam I see. We've never heard that complaint, have we?

7:43 Drew I've heard that kind of complaint before, and it's usually guys just arguing to find a way not to use a condom. It's not an overwhelming symptom, usually.

7:50 Adam It's like when OJ was trying to put the glove on, and he was struggling and he almost fell over, and he was like, this ain't no way. No, it doesn't work.

7:59 Guest Yeah, and it's the old, I'm hitting your diaphragm, you have to take it. Yeah.

8:03 Drew Right.

8:05 Caller He actually insisted to use the condom.

8:06 Drew All right. Well, let's keep going down that path and look at the different sizes of condom.

8:11 Adam Well, you guys, how long have you guys been together?

8:14 Caller We've been together for about three or four months.

8:17 Drew And are you on the other kind of birth control?

8:20 Caller I'm on a birth control. I just started birth control like two months ago.

8:24 Drew So you're covered.

8:25 Caller Yeah.

8:25 Adam All right. You guys are monogamous, right?

8:28 Caller Yeah.

8:28 Drew He was a virgin?

8:29 Caller No, no, no, no. He had had sex before, but I've only had it once.

8:34 Drew So it would be a good idea for a new article came out today in Annals of Internal Medicine about female to male transmission of HIV that showed that given adequate levels of virus in the blood, which is really the issue, female to male transmission is just about as likely as male to female transmission.

8:50 Adam Why? We thought of it as something else.

8:53 Guest Let's not forget syphilis is back big time.

8:55 Drew Syphilis is back. My year as a physician, we've gone through several waves of syphilis. Syphilis is easy to treat. The problem is people let it go. When the shanker goes away, which it will, they just assume it's gone and it will come back.

9:07 Adam So hey, Nicole, but you guys are monogamous. Your boyfriend and girlfriend have been together for some months. You're on birth control. So you can probably start working the condom out of the equation. Listen, hold on a second, everybody. I know, but here's what I want to say. It's so easy for us to sit here and tell everyone to put a condom on every time, all the time, played safe and all that, but we're living in the real world. These guys are a couple. She's on birth control. They've been together for a while.

9:36 Guest Why don't they both go get tested, full?

9:39 Adam Go get tested and then lose the condom.

9:41 Drew There you go. I'll go for that.

9:42 Caller So it was the condom size, correct?

9:45 Drew Yes.

9:45 Caller Okay.

9:45 Drew All right.

9:46 Caller Thank you.

9:46 Adam All right. What other tests should you get? Because you always talk about the AIDS test, but the chances of this guy having AIDS aren't that good, but the chances of him having something else are probably greater. You want to get chlamydia?

9:57 Drew Well, if he has no symptoms though, the probability of those tests being positive are pretty remote. So you get tested for syphilis, you get tested for AIDS. You do the Woods Light Test.

10:06 Adam Oh yeah, I had that one done on my PS.

10:08 Guest Can you just ask your doctor for an STD screen?

10:11 Drew Right.

10:11 Guest And he'll be able to do it. He'll know what that is.

10:13 Adam I was watching TV on Saturday and they gave out, there's something on KTLA, they had like the something, the Lucite Pyramid Award or something for excellence in sexual responsibility and broadcasting in television or something. And they're giving one out to like, you know, the guy who played George Jefferson and stuff. And we thought, where are we on these things? How come we never get a phone call? We got the, we got the Shine Awards.

10:41 Drew Shine Awards twice.

10:42 Adam Oh, we did. I never did pick mine up the second time. I sent an Indian to get it the second time I won it. Won it. Steve, he was drunk, so it didn't work out that way. Steve.

10:53 Yeah, hey mannys.

10:55 Adam You're 16, what's up?

10:57 Caller That's my main mannys.

10:58 Adam Hey, welcome back. Thank you.

11:00 Um, can I talk for you real quick?

11:02 Adam You want to fart?

11:03 Drew No.

11:03 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

11:04 Drew That's all right, it's the evening.

11:05 Oh, go ahead.

11:06 Adam Okay, hold on. Okay, go ahead.

11:11 What was that?

11:14 Adam Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, saucy.

11:16 Drew We bought it.

11:17 Adam Yeah. All right, Steve, thanks for that. Was that it or did you have a question? I got a question.

11:21 I got like this really hairy.

11:22 Adam I got a question. How's that phone smell?

11:26 It's terrible.

11:27 Adam You have a hairy ass?

11:28 Yeah, and I just wanted to know, you know, my girlfriend does not like it at all.

11:32 Adam Yeah, you're screwed too. You're 16.

11:34 Caller Yeah.

11:35 Adam My ass looked like a couple of dolphins heads that were together at 16. And now I can't. I lost my keys in the crack the other day.

11:45 Drew Centaur. Minotaur.

11:46 Adam Yeah. Yeah, you're screwed. If your ass is hairy at 16, you have a very, very bleak future when it comes to ass hair.

11:54 Drew Santa Claus' mouth.

11:56 Adam Yeah.

11:57 I'm Italian and my eyebrows grew together when I was like 12.

11:59 Adam Oh, man. Yeah.

12:01 Guest You can try waxing.

12:03 Caller I'm not a good waxer.

12:04 Drew No.

12:06 Guest There are people that will wax your ass.

12:07 Adam Yeah, but I know there are Asian women, these poor Asian women. It's like these poor Asian women, they come to this country and then Americans go like, hey, could you get my crotch? Put some wax on there. Come on, get up in there, honey. Come on, you got those little hands. Get in there.

12:20 Drew But what you're talking about here are basically trying to pull the coat off a chimpanzee. And there are laser techniques that can be used on this. Come on, you should get this.

12:31 Adam Hold on a second. We decided, and I don't know who we are, because when I think we, I'm thinking gay males, and like Pam Anderson and five of her friends, decided six years ago that it wasn't okay for guys to have hair on them anymore. After millions of years of men having hair on their bodies, somebody decided that they could no longer have hair, and like idiots, as guys, we all bought into this. And then what happened is, is all the guys started shaving and plucking and waxing and lasering. Now none of the guys had hair, and it left a small percentage of guys who really felt freakish, because they still kept the hair that the other guys yanked off. Guys are supposed to have hair on them.

13:16 Drew Oh, there are magazines for those guys now, right?

13:17 Guest Okay, let's talk about the Playboy wax and all of that. Now nobody's supposed to have pubic hair, period, now. I mean, it's like, and those girls in the porn movies with the little tiny hats on, it's just horrifying.

13:27 Drew Yeah, horrifying.

13:28 It's terrible.

13:30 Caller Yeah, it's really terrible.

13:31 Adam It really offends my delicate sensibilities. I know I speak for Andrew when I say that, too. But listen, he's 16, he has hair on his ass. Do we need to send him to a laser facility, or can't a 16-year-old lad in this country run free with hair on his ass?

13:48 Caller I say go wax it, you may like it.

13:50 Drew I'm not sure you can wax. I mean, it would be to tear his epidermis off. I mean, you're talking about like a fur.

13:55 Adam Yeah, and then where do you stop? Do you know what I mean with the wax? You're just going to have a mohawk going down the center?

14:00 Guest Well, but I've seen, you know, if he shaves it, you know, and he's going to get all those red bumps.

14:05 Drew Well, shaving is a way to go, make more sense, really. But I'd shave and then the light, I think the laser is the way to go. But listen, I forgot what I was going to say.

14:12 Adam Listen, you don't want to...

14:13 Guest If you shave, make sure you tone afterwards, you know, like use a tone or like rosewater or something.

14:17 Drew Tone afterwards.

14:18 Adam Tone my ass?

14:20 Drew Next time Ray shaves you?

14:21 Adam Listen, you know, my buddy, like 14 years ago, gave me 20 bucks to shave my ass and I took it. And Drew holds it against me. You don't have good friends. You guys just sit around with your ascots and read the Wall Street Journal. You don't know what it's like to have buddies. You have acquaintances. You don't have buddies, Drew. That's the difference. Jake?

14:43 Hey, what's up?

14:44 Adam Hey, Jake?

14:44 Hey, how you doing?

14:45 Adam You're 21. What's going on?

14:47 Caller You people run a great show.

14:49 Adam I just wanted to say that.

14:50 Caller I'm just tripping off the fact because, see, the DMC get phone calls like this all the time. But the difference is I have to listen to you people. It's a great show.

14:57 Adam It really is.

14:57 Caller You have to listen to it.

14:58 Adam Are you incarcerated?

14:59 Caller I run your show every night just so I can be a radio DJ, don't matter what station. But anyway, I'm sitting here listening to your show right now. I'm just tripping off the fact that the delay of the satellite.

15:09 Adam Well, thanks, Jake. What's your question?

15:11 Caller My question is, I keep bottoming out on my girlfriend and my fiance whenever we have sex.

15:17 Adam Yeah.

15:18 Drew You hit the cervix.

15:19 Caller I know. And now the thing is, she doesn't want to get married because she says she don't think she can handle a lifetime of that.

15:26 Drew Wow. You think that'll be an excuse or do you think she really means that? Well, I'm looking at the one woman in the room.

15:32 Caller That's a good question.

15:33 Guest Well, you know, that can be really painful.

15:35 Drew But don't you think if a woman were really in love with a guy, she would sort of work with him?

15:37 Guest Yeah, you got to work with it. Absolutely.

15:39 Drew But so it seems... Can't it?

15:42 Caller I mean, they could pass a kid through it for goodness sake.

15:44 Drew No, Jake, it can be uncomfortable for women. And if they, in particular, if she has endometriosis or any infection up there, history of infection or scarring, lots of things, cyst, then it can be very uncomfortable. But even so, most women put up already with a lot with men, don't they? And if they're in love with a guy, they'll work with stuff. And this is sort of sounds like an excuse to me.

16:04 Guest Yeah. Have you been willing at all to work with her about it?

16:07 Caller I've had problems. My track record doesn't go to show either. My track record happens to be where every girl I've been with, they always complain about the same thing.

16:14 Adam Destroying the cervix?

16:16 Caller Exactly.

16:16 I am a big boy.

16:18 Guest Maybe you're going at it a little too hard there, baby.

16:21 Caller There ain't nothing wrong with that, is there?

16:22 Adam Well, listen, you gotta pack on some weight.

16:26 Caller Pack on some weight?

16:27 Adam Yeah. Your gut will hit before your penis gets to the cervix. Hey, I haven't talked about it in a while, but I came up with this idea. What do we call that? The love grommet? It's like a batting donut for your penis. It's essentially a foam rubber donut. You slide it over the penis. It's about an inch, inch and a quarter thick, and it doesn't let you bottom out. The donut. The donut catches before the penis hits the cervix, and we make it out of a space-age sponge-like fiber that gives you a little spring-back action, too.

16:55 Drew You see what I'm saying?

16:56 Adam I think that's the slogan.

16:57 Guest I think that's a good idea.

16:58 Drew The donut stops you before it hits the cervix.

17:00 Adam That's right.

17:01 Guest I think you should patent that, honey. That sounds like a really good idea. Big money-maker.

17:06 Adam You work a little ring toss into the foreplay. It's a good time. Keep it right there on the bedpost.

17:15 Guest Also, you could look into using Astroglide or something that's like a really good lubricant. Help her out a little bit.

17:21 Adam But it seems like it's the deep penetration that's causing her a problem. And it seems to me that when this is a problem, the woman has to set the tempo. And that means she's got to get on top and she's got to be the sort of depth, the purveyor of depth. You know what I mean? She can't just lay there and let the guy go to town on her. Am I right? Yeah. Yeah?

17:44 Guest I think it's very helpful in establishing what's going on.

17:48 Adam And he's got to work it out a little bit.

17:49 Guest Yeah, exactly.

17:50 Adam But if she don't want to marry him, it's not because of that. What name is that, Drew?

17:54 Drew Dene?

17:55 Adam Dene?

17:56 Caller Yeah.

17:56 Adam You're 16?

17:57 Caller Yeah.

17:58 Adam What's up?

17:59 Caller You know, I like I'm masturbating stuff, right? And then sometimes it gets like really boring.

18:05 Drew Already?

18:06 Adam Well, you got to kill yourself.

18:08 Drew Why do you do it?

18:08 Adam It's 16.

18:11 Caller Well, I mean, it's like because, you know, like since I broke up with my boyfriend, I got like all horny and stuff, you know? And so like now when I masturbate, I cannot like satisfy myself.

18:25 Drew You miss the human part of this, right? The interpersonal part.

18:28 Caller Yeah.

18:28 Drew Which is normal.

18:29 Adam Right. You need a vibrator.

18:30 Drew So I'd say just relax.

18:33 Adam Do you have an orgasm?

18:34 Yeah.

18:35 Adam How are you doing? You're still bored.

18:36 Yeah.

18:37 Adam This is that women.

18:38 Drew Yeah. That's right. That's what that is. No, no. But it's the difference between men and women. Right there. Right. And then you know what you need is a relationship, but don't rush out. Just take your time and realize that's what you're missing. And go ahead and find another boyfriend as time goes on.

18:52 Adam Well, why don't you give it a couple of days off and see if it doesn't reignite the spark? Once in a while that happens to me, you know, things get a little even even in the greatest love affairs like the one I have with my hand, things get a little stale.

19:07 Drew So we switch his hand.

19:08 Adam They get a little passe. So we take a little time off, like when a couple takes a vacation apart from each other and we both think about what we mean to each other. My penis thinks about what the hand means, the hand thinks about what the penis means then. And we reflect, we have a little quiet reflection. That goes on for about 15 minutes. We're right back on it again. All right. Women are so whacked out sexually, they can't even masturbate.

19:34 Guest That sounds like a blanket statement.

19:37 Adam I know they can masturbate, but it's like they got to light a candle. And we were just talking about this last week. And every time I talk to a woman, and maybe they just don't want to admit it. But I go, what were you thinking about when you're masturbating? They're like, just like a Pegasus.

19:55 Guest Unicorps.

19:56 Adam Scented candles.

19:57 Guest I mean, women have very vivid fantasy lives.

20:00 Adam Yeah, but they can't, well, maybe they don't want to admit it to me, but they can never seem to nail it down. Well, it was this guy, then he turned into that guy, then it turned into a few guys, but all their faces were blurry.

20:12 Drew Let's put it this way.

20:13 Adam One of them was wearing wings.

20:14 Drew Before you came here and you masturbated, what did you fantasize about?

20:17 Adam Whatever was on the VCR.

20:19 Drew Exactly.

20:20 Adam That was the person. Yeah, whatever was in front of me.

20:22 Guest Men are very visual. Women are not particularly visual.

20:25 Drew It's a more emotional experience.

20:27 Guest It's a more emotional and it's a more visceral experience. It's a very, it has a lot to do with actually intimacy language. It's just a whole different ballgame.

20:38 Adam Nothing to do with the language. I don't even have the sound up most of the time.

20:41 Guest Let's face it. When I was at this girl's age, if you brought a diaphragm with you, you were a whore. This could be your eighth date, your tenth date. Women still have a hard time owning their sexuality because there's still this myth of the whore and the Madonna. That still exists. You still see this people patterning like that all the time.

21:05 Adam I tried to work a little dialogue in one of my masturbatory sessions about six months ago.

21:11 Drew You mean you turned the sound up?

21:12 Guest No.

21:13 Drew Does the sound actually work on your television?

21:14 Adam No. I was going off of memory. Oh, I see. Normally, it's just like pure memory, but I must have been drunk or something because I was working a little like a little scenario, a little role play, a little fantasy. There was like there's one point in it. I think I told you this. There's one point when I was I was realized about halfway into it and she went, oh, you're so big. And I and I started laughing. It's like I was like, all right, hold on. I got start over now because I just made myself bust up. So I had to like take quick walk around the bedroom and get back into position. And I said, OK, no more talking. This is this is not working out. Alfonso, you're 16.

21:56 Caller Yeah.

21:56 Adam You want to know if there's a legal age to have a vasectomy?

22:00 Caller Yeah, in the state of California.

22:01 Adam All right. That is a fine question. We're going to take ourselves a little break. All right.

22:04 Caller All right.

22:05 Adam Can you hang on? All right. Don't try to do one of those home ones with a cone hang or anything.

22:10 Right.

22:11 Adam I just hang tight. We'll take a little break. We'll be back with Alfonso and his penis after this. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191, Beth Broderick, Andrew Levitas. They're both here from Psycho Beach Party, which was out as of the 25th, which was Friday, I believe. You can find it at the Sunset Five in Hollywood, Art Theater in Long Beach, University 7 in Irvine, or if you're somewhere around the country, www.psychobeachparty.com, and find out all the cities it's in, hopefully one near you.

23:27 Drew Hey, Adam and I were just talking as we urinated together, as we always do. Right. I guess Adam, I want to talk about my incredibly awful Northwest airline experience, but before I do, I want to hear about this story. Apparently Adam almost became a prisoner of the Canadian government.

23:42 Adam Yeah, you could do worse, by the way, though. That's a pretty good health care system over there.

23:47 Drew The Mounties came after you?

23:49 Adam Well, no, the big fat lesbians came after me. Let's face it. Well, okay, there's certain things that are funny about airports that I was experiencing in the Canadian airport. One is, and I've noticed this from traveling, and I bet you all have too, but no one wants to talk about it, somebody must pick one nationality for security, and then that's it. That's it. In LAX, it's black. The only people who work security, whether it's the, any facet of security LAX, black. In Canada, they're Indian, okay? Like Eastern Indian. Yeah. Right. I've traveled to other airports where it's like, somebody decides, we need, here's the nationality we're going with for our airport, and that's it. I could just see them at the meeting. You know, it's like, how about we go with black? LAX already took it. Oh, jeez Christ, no. How about Irish? No, there's not enough living close by. Well, why don't we bus them in? Now, let's go Indian. And it's like they all, that's it. That's it. They decide on one nationality, that's it. So when you travel, you'll notice that. This woman was working customs, however. She pulled me aside as I was going through there, and everyone told me, when you travel, say you're there for pleasure. Don't get into the business stuff because it's a big hassle. And everyone told me ten times, just say you're there on vacation. So I said I was there on vacation. I got pulled out of line. She opened my briefcase, and she found an itinerary that was about nine pages long that started the following day at 715 and went every 15 minutes until 7 that evening, and then started at 645. The next morning, they went nine minute increments. It was like Good Morning Canada and this radio show, and that radio show. I mean, like pow, those itineraries we all hate so much. So after getting to the fourth page of this itinerary with 170 stops, she said, you still here for vacation? And I said, oh, Christ, I'm thinking I'm going to kill that chip in our office, because he's the one who told me, you're there for vacation. So she says, listen, we got to go through everything. So she starts going through the bag now. And here's what happened with the bag. Now, I got a Busty magazine in my briefcase. Now, here's how God works. If people don't believe there's a God. If people don't believe there's a God, here's how God works. I pack, leave early. I think it is Tuesday morning, trying to catch the flight out of LX, have no pornography on me. I have a woodworking magazine. I have two or three woodworking magazines, a couple of car magazines, a model airplane, all very straight above the board, almost wholesome type magazines, model building and woodworking and all this. As I'm going down the stairs to get into the car, I say I better check my mailbox because I haven't checked in a couple of days. It's going to start piling up. I'm going to be out of town for a day. Open the mailbox. There's the busty in the mailbox. Now I'm holding the briefcase with the busty in my other hand and the car door open. Now what am I going to do? Stuff the busty back in the mailbox? No, it's going right in the briefcase. Fast forward five hours. Me standing in front of the angry lesbians in Canada and her parading around with the busty magazine actually showing it to some of her compadres that were there. Anyway, the whole part with the itinerary and the vacation didn't bode well, didn't jive for them at all. They pulled me aside. I thought I was going to get the finger at one point. Because here's my thing, too, though, and I think we should all be this way. It's not like I'm a heroin mule. You know, I'm coming to your crappy country to do a little publicity for some show. Oh, the Man Show, which I forgot to tell everyone to watch tonight, which we sold in Canada. Just let me go about my business. I'm not doing anything wrong. Why do I have to feel like a criminal? I gave her a little bit of attitude, and she made my life miserable from that point on. I did not get the finger, but I had to stand in line for long periods of time and do nothing. Here's a very alarming thing, and I hope Alan Thicke is not listening to this show, but I got into an argument with the guy behind the counter who said, when you do all of these shows that are on your itinerary, you get paid for those, don't you? And I said, no, I don't. This is publicity, but I don't get paid for any of these appearances. And he said, oh, yes, you do. A Canadian would. And I said, no, you wouldn't. You wouldn't go on a morning show and get paid for that. And he and I said, listen, what if Alan Thicke was doing a morning show and he said, who's Alan Thicke? I said, Holy Christ, you don't know who Alan Thicke is. Now we want a different direction with the conversation. You're Canadian, right? Yeah. Born and bred. Yep. You don't know who Alan Thicke is. No, he's your most famous Canadian. Don't know him. So I quickly shift gears into Michael J. Fox. He said, you know Michael J.? Yep. If he did a morning show in LA, he wouldn't get paid for that morning show appearance. That is what I'm doing in your country. So then he let me go. Didn't know Alan Thicke is horrendous.

29:00 Guest I have a great because I get picked out of line every time. I just look like a lady who has been shopping. I just have that look about me every time they go. They give it, come here. We're going to sit there.

29:12 Adam You're just cute and I just want to talk to you.

29:14 Guest I have a yellow legal pad whenever I go out of the country and work, and I write down every single thing I've ever bought in that country. I mean chewing gum. By the time they get halfway down the pad, they're just like, oh my God.

29:24 Adam Is it kill president?

29:28 Guest Please go.

29:30 Adam All right, Drew, you want to do a tear Northwest, a new A-hole before we move on?

29:33 Drew Let me just say that I'll tell the story maybe after next hour, but I had one of the most awful experience. They could have helped me. I ended up running through the Minneapolis Airport to have the door shut in my face. No help from, I mean, sorry, the door shut. What did one of those look at the pilot for 15 minutes? While they're re-booking me, I kept looking up, going, the plane is still here.

29:53 Adam Sorry, sorry. We shut the door. There's a few things in life. There's the meter maid who already started riding, and there's the plane whose door is shut. We'll be parked here for an hour, but the door is technically shut.

30:04 Drew But here's something I wish I didn't know, that Catherine McCord got them to goddamn open the door for her. Right. So that means it can be done.

30:12 Adam This is our beautiful blonde co-host on Loveline who told us a story once about waving to the pilot through the window, pointing the plane back in and the guy got out, went and opened the door for her.

30:25 Drew I know this happens. I now know it.

30:27 Adam You better grow some boobs.

30:28 Drew What drove me insane though is I got out at gate like 12 and I had to go to gate 91. If they had, and I was asking for help, they're like, I don't have time for you. If they just said, sir, there's a pathway, a tram that will take you in 30 seconds across this four-four-four-four-

30:46 Adam Oh, you went all the way around?

30:47 Drew Run four miles. To get the thing shut in my face.

30:50 Adam And a man of your age, too, could have killed you. Alfonso? Yeah. You're 16. Yeah. You want a vasectomy.

30:57 Caller Well, like, I don't want to have no more kids.

31:00 Caller No more kids?

31:00 Drew 16. How many kids do you have?

31:02 Adam Oh, you don't have any kids.

31:03 Caller I got a two-year-old. He's going to turn two in October.

31:05 Drew All right. In the world that Adam wishes to create, I'm certain you would be this evening airlifted for a vasectomy.

31:11 Adam You'd be pulled out of line, yes.

31:13 Drew Yeah, but in reality, I don't think you're going to find anybody that's going to do that procedure for you, mostly because of concern that as you become an adult, you'll change your mind. So I don't know that there's any legal age other than the fact that you would require parental consent at the age of your age.

31:26 Adam Listen, we have talked to people who have two kids who are 23 years old and they can't get one.

31:32 Guest It's still very difficult and doctors are very reluctant to tie tubes for women as well when they're that young.

31:38 Adam It's ridiculous to me.

31:39 Drew It's a response to the legal system.

31:41 Adam But you know what it is to me? It's like, it's the thing you sign before you go bungee jumping.

31:44 Guest Yeah, but they can get sued later on.

31:46 Adam But how can you sue, what legal grounds do you have when somebody comes to you and says shut up and says I want to have this procedure done and you say you understand the ramifications of this and you say read this, sign this, you do the procedure and then they see you later, what grounds do they have?

32:03 Drew I didn't understand that paper they made me sign.

32:06 Adam Why did you go to it?

32:07 Guest I was too young to know that was 10 years ago.

32:09 Drew They should have known that, they shouldn't have done it.

32:11 Adam Yeah, tough ass is my point. I mean, anyone who volunteers for something should be able to have it done, especially when it comes to not having kids, especially when you had your first one at 14.

32:23 Guest But you know what, you should be wearing condoms anyway at the age of 16 because there's a lot of sexually active people around you, so be careful anyway.

32:30 Drew And let's give Alfonso his props for wanting to stop having kids, all right? Yes. At least he's got his head around.

32:35 Adam Alfonso. Yeah. Couldn't you just hit your scrotum with a hammer? No? No. Okay, all right. I'm no doctor. I don't know.

32:44 Drew Did you get that?

32:44 Guest It is good that you want to be responsible. That's very cool.

32:48 Adam Yes. Although he was 14 when he had his first kid. Let's do the math. By the time he's 45, 7,000 kids. Carlos, you're 17. What's up?

33:00 Caller Yeah, I was going to ask you guys. I wanted to know like about two weeks ago, I was like in the bathroom, like looking at my penis. I don't know why, but like around it, some like, I don't know, like some stuff.

33:16 Adam Stuff around it? Your balls perhaps? Maybe your thighs?

33:20 Drew You're going to have to help me a little more than that, Carlos.

33:21 Adam Hold on. I think I know what he has. Stuff around the penis?

33:25 Caller Yeah, like on the ring.

33:27 Adam Very clear.

33:28 Drew The ring.

33:28 Caller Yeah.

33:30 Adam The ring where you were circumcised?

33:32 Caller No.

33:32 Adam Or the ring that your boyfriend put on it?

33:34 Drew Are you circumcised?

33:35 Caller No, I'm not.

33:37 Drew So was this like a debris, something that's stuck under you?

33:42 Caller Pretty nasty.

33:44 Drew Well, you know, guys uncircumcised, they can get fungus.

33:47 Adam Oh yeah, how camp can get under there?

33:48 Caller Sure. But like around the ring, I have like, I don't know, they look like little pimples.

33:54 Drew Yeah, that's probably what's the ring? I think you sound about the corona, the head, the head of the penis.

33:59 Adam What is?

34:00 Drew But listen, you can get perlipenile papules up there. You can also get other kinds of sort of clogged pores. Let's call it. But it's all normal. As long as it's symmetric all the way around.

34:10 Adam Yeah.

34:10 Drew Yeah, it's normal.

34:12 Adam Yeah.

34:12 Drew But keep things clean down there, right?

34:14 Adam Well, they call that Orion C ring.

34:16 Drew Keep extra clean.

34:17 Adam For you astronomers.

34:18 Drew Extra clean.

34:19 Adam I'll tell you, that could have got me into astronomy. They started naming stuff, you know, like, you know, the big dildo and so the big dipper, like Orion C ring or something, you know, that kind of stuff. That would have got me right into that. Cassie? Yep. Yeah. Cassiopeia. Hey, that's something up there, right? That mean something? Doesn't it mean something up there?

34:42 I guess.

34:43 Drew Go ahead, Cassie.

34:44 Adam What's up?

34:45 Um, like, last Thursday, I met this guy on the Internet, actually, it was about a week ago, and he was 17, and we just, like, talked a lot of fun, stuff like that, and he was like, do you want to hook up?

35:04 And so I was like, yeah, sure.

35:05 Drew He lives near you?

35:06 Huh?

35:07 Drew He lives near you? Oh, yeah, he was like... Just a case, just a word of advice for people that are meeting people on the Web, try to make sure you, like, have a reference, like, somebody you both know or something in common so these people can't swoop in and take advantage of you.

35:21 Adam Well, with Satan, I think they're both friends.

35:22 Drew They're both friends with Satan, okay.

35:23 Guest Or meet at a neutral place, try to do that. Make sure somebody knows the name in front of you.

35:28 Caller Neutral place, bring your gun.

35:29 Drew Bring somebody with you when you first meet.

35:31 Adam Yeah, I did. Tie a piece of floss to your ankle and just have your dad keep letting slack out as you walk down the street. Tug on it twice if there's trouble. Alright, oh my god. Imagine if this thing was around when we were kids.

35:44 The web?

35:45 Adam I mean, just hooking up, just sitting at night, just meeting people. You know what I mean? I mean, like one big party. So he's 17.

35:54 I'm 13.

35:55 Adam Yeah. And where did you meet up with him?

35:57 On the internet. And we met up at the mall, actually.

36:01 Drew And how old did you tell him you were?

36:03 16.

36:04 Adam Alright, so you met him at the mall.

36:06 And I was actually with my friend and then she ended up leaving because she had an emergency. And so we were at the mall and we went to his house just because he was planning on taking me home later. And we ended up making out and he like attempted to give me oral sex, but I was kind of reluctant and so he didn't really get very far.

36:35 Adam And so he didn't.

36:37 He didn't really, but he did. It's hard to explain.

36:39 Drew Does he know how old you are now?

36:41 No.

36:41 Drew Are you still seeing him?

36:44 Well.

36:44 Adam Wait a minute. He didn't really, but he did?

36:46 Drew I don't want to know.

36:47 Adam I want to know. He threw the pants. What did he do?

36:50 He took all my pants and he went down there a little bit, but he didn't really do anything to like, I didn't like have an orgasm or anything, it just, you know.

37:04 Adam Did you try to stop him or were you enjoying it?

37:06 I ended up stopping him.

37:07 Drew Why don't we do a little probing on Cassie's history here, no?

37:11 Nope. Nope.

37:13 Drew You don't want to tell us?

37:14 Caller No. No.

37:14 I don't have anything.

37:15 Adam Yeah. I'm not getting a weird vibe off her. I'm just sort of 13 and a little big for a britches, which came off over at the guy's house.

37:22 Drew It's a frayler vibe.

37:23 Adam Oh, really? You white trash, Cassie?

37:26 No.

37:27 Adam What are you?

37:28 I swear to God.

37:29 Adam I believe you.

37:30 Huh?

37:30 Adam What's up?

37:31 Nothing.

37:32 Adam I'm with you. So what's your question?

37:34 My question is, what should I do? Should I tell him that I'm only 13 or- Yes. Absolutely.

37:41 Adam Yes. No, tell him you're 12. Really freak him out.

37:46 Caller But-

37:47 Adam Yeah. You like him?

37:48 Caller Yeah.

37:49 Adam Well, you like the attention or you like him?

37:51 Caller I like him really because I could get a guy, I mean my age, and I like him as him. I don't like the attention.

37:59 Drew But I do. Your dad is in the home?

38:02 Caller Yeah, he's in my house.

38:02 Drew He's not an alcoholic.

38:04 Caller He's not an alcoholic.

38:05 Drew He's not away all the time. Not a truck driver.

38:06 Caller Actually, we go to church and everything. He's an elder at my church.

38:09 Drew Well, I understand. But he's available to you all the time?

38:13 Caller Yeah.

38:14 Adam All right. You see, I'm just getting the. Here's the deal. We talk to people on the show that are 13 that seem like they're 19. And we talk to people that are 13 that seem like they're nine.

38:25 Drew Yeah.

38:26 Adam Cassie is a 13 year old. And this happens with women sometimes, especially their 13 year olds that are like 18 year old.

38:33 Drew Usually a reason they've been moved along.

38:35 Yeah.

38:36 Adam Yeah. Yeah. But I wasn't getting that that, you know, sort of abuse or rape or anything. She's just a little precocious and ahead of herself.

38:44 Drew I'm getting the sort of no guidance at home kind of thing going on.

38:48 Adam That's an elder in the church. Hey, Cassie, how old do you have to be to be an elder or do you just be there for a while? And what's going on? Do you like your dad and your mom? And are they they doing a good job with you?

39:03 Drew This is your biological dad.

39:05 Yeah. Yeah.

39:06 Guest You know what? The truth is anybody that you're going to have a relationship with, it's only going to really be good if you're honest. I mean if you're going to have this relationship based on a lie, which by the way is an illegal situation, it's not going to be good.

39:20 Adam And here's the good news. Twenty years from now you'll be single, you'll be on the internet, you'll be lying to guys that you're younger than you actually are. So you can look forward to that moment, alright? Yeah. Those are good times. You know you've arrived. Alright. I was thinking to myself, remember I told you I bought a case of wine for no reason a few months back and that officially made me an adult? Right. I was sitting around. I actually bought a case of red wine for no reason other than to have. And I thought now I'm an adult because that's a serious adult move. I was sitting around watching TV today and a commercial came on where a vacuum picked up a bowling ball and I thought to myself, I own my own bowling ball. And I leaned back in the sofa and I went, that's right. You do? I've arrived.

40:06 Drew That's right.

40:07 Adam I own my own bowling ball.

40:08 Guest Like you've got your own washer and dryers, a red wine and a bowling ball, that's big.

40:12 Adam But when you own your own bowling ball and you're not too much into bowling, you've arrived, baby.

40:18 Drew Fred Flintstone had a bowling ball.

40:20 Adam That's right. That's my point. Good point. Thank you. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Andrew and Beth are both here promoting Psycho Beach Party, which is currently out. We'll take a little break and we'll be back after this.

40:36 Loveline, we'll be right back.

41:13 Adam It is Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Tonight we have from Psycho Beach Party, which is a movie which just came out this Friday. Beth Broderick is here and Andrew Levitas as well. You can see it at the independent smaller, cooler theaters and just check in to www.psychobeachparty.com and find out the cities that it's in and go check it out. All right, we ready to roll here guys? Yep. Drew, yeah. Marie? Yeah. What's up? You're 22. Drew, tilt that screen down a little, would you brother? I can't read it. There you go. What's up?

41:58 Caller I am on birth control and I went to my doctor at school and I had heard in the past that in case of if you're going on a trip or traveling that it's okay to skip your period.

42:16 Drew To take the pills right straight through?

42:17 Guest Yeah.

42:18 Caller Right. To take the blue, skip the green and just go straight to the new blue.

42:21 Drew Right, right.

42:22 Adam If you're traveling. Taking time zones?

42:25 Drew No, the more typical thing is I've got a wedding coming up. I've got a honeymoon. I don't want to have this happening.

42:31 Adam I see. I'm meeting my boyfriend in New York.

42:33 Drew Exactly. I don't want to be menstruating.

42:35 Adam Leave a trail from the airport over to the hotel.

42:38 Drew Thank you.

42:38 Adam Thank you. All right. I got it.

42:40 Drew Thank you.

42:41 Adam If you're traveling. Listen, I don't understand that kind of code.

42:46 Caller Well, he not only told me that it was okay, but he said it was even better to just skip your period every month. Because in the past, women, that historically would happen because they're getting pregnant all the time, that they just skip their period every month, and that for some reason, that was better for me now. So I went ahead and I tried that. Not only did I not skip my period.

43:10 Drew You bled like crazy.

43:12 Caller I got it for, instead of, normally, I, seven days, I got it for 12 days.

43:16 Drew Oh, yeah. No, this was not good advice. What kind of doctor was this?

43:20 Caller This is a doctor.

43:20 Adam In your nose and throat.

43:22 Caller It was just a health center doctor. So I didn't know what was going on.

43:25 Drew Was a physician?

43:26 Caller He was a physician. He's a gynecologist.

43:28 Guest I've actually been reading articles about this. A lot of doctors are experimenting with this, and there's this theory that women need to menstruate less, but there's absolutely no proof that this is a good idea.

43:41 Caller Now, I'm really worried because I didn't know what was going on, so I just kept on taking the blue pills. And now, I just finished my period the second week of August, and I already have it again, and I'm not sure if I have it from then.

43:55 Drew You need to see something. There's something called endometrial hyperplasia that you can get. There are other kinds of abnormal growth of the lining of the uterus that can be stimulated by hormones. So it's something you want to get looked into, and abnormal bleeding is a sign of that. It may just be they need to stabilize your endometrium by giving you some progesterone and then putting you on a break for a while and just letting this all sort of settle down.

44:17 Caller Do you suggest that I get off the birth control now?

44:19 Drew I suggest you do nothing until you talk to a gynecologist, but you talk to somebody you trust and who's well trained, and don't change anything just yet because you start monkeying even more and it's going to get even more complicated.

44:30 Caller Because I'm supposed to start my blue pills, well, it's Sunday night, so I still have another week of blue pills. Do I keep taking the blue pills or do I take the green pills?

44:39 Drew Just keep doing what you're doing. Stay on the package you're on, but tomorrow you make an appointment with somebody to get this thing evaluated because you need a plan.

44:46 Adam So who did you go to meet on this trip?

44:49 Caller What?

44:50 Adam Who did you go to meet on this trip?

44:55 Caller My boyfriend and I were traveling.

44:56 Adam I see.

44:57 Caller So I decided, okay, this is a good time to try it. So I tried it and now I'm all screwed up.

45:04 Drew You're all screwed up. It's not a big deal.

45:06 Adam You must have had a great time on this trip.

45:08 Drew Why don't you have any of those?

45:09 Adam Just for fun. Tell us all the romantic places you went. That's great.

45:15 Caller I know. I don't think it was worth it.

45:17 Adam Did you give him some oral sex?

45:21 I'm not going to show this on the radio.

45:23 Adam Yeah? Oh, please. You've already humiliated yourself. Come on.

45:26 Gee, thanks, Adam.

45:27 Adam All right.

45:28 Caller By the way, he's a big fan of your man show.

45:30 Adam Oh, good.

45:31 Caller Yeah.

45:32 Adam Well, he's a keeper. This one. All right. So stay with him, possibly marry him and talk to someone with some.

45:40 Drew Don't worry about it. I doubt you have any of those things I was mentioning, but it's something that needs to be.

45:44 Adam So what is the plan then?

45:46 Drew If you have excessive estrogenization, you can stimulate the endometrium, the line of the uterus to go and have more.

45:53 Adam What wrong advice did this person give?

45:55 Drew I don't think he, I bet he didn't give the advice she got. I probably said maybe you could do that every two months or something and she took it as I'm never going to skip my pills.

46:03 Adam Andrea, you're 34, you found your six-year-old daughter putting things in her vagina.

46:10 Caller Yes, I did. My biggest question really was because she just came back from a summer trip with her dad. And I wondered if something kind of happened when she was there because before she went on the trip, she was not doing the stuff. And I caught her a couple of times like taking her underwear off and going to hide in her bedroom.

46:28 Drew It sounds like there was...

46:30 Adam Your ex-husband?

46:31 Caller Yeah.

46:32 Adam What kind of guy is he?

46:34 Caller Well, he was an alcoholic.

46:36 Drew What do you mean, he was an alcoholic?

46:37 Caller Well, he stopped drinking.

46:39 Drew So he's a dry drunk right now.

46:41 Caller Dry drunk, yeah. And he was abusive and all that.

46:46 Adam Yeah.

46:46 Drew So why did you let him take this child away?

46:50 Caller Well, we've been separated for five years, you know, and the courts and the legal system, you know, I told him all this.

46:57 Drew Isn't there somebody supervising this from the courts?

47:01 Caller No, not really.

47:02 Adam Where did he take her on this summer trip?

47:05 Caller He lives in upstate New York.

47:06 Adam I see. So she just wanted to stay with him?

47:08 Caller Right. And her sister.

47:10 Drew I mean, who knows what went on.

47:12 Adam Oh, he's living with his sister?

47:14 Caller No, no, no.

47:14 Drew This girl's sister.

47:15 Guest Her sister.

47:15 Caller The two daughters, my two daughters.

47:17 Adam Oh, and her sister. I see. How old is she?

47:20 Caller She's ten.

47:20 Adam All right. She's, is she putting anything in her?

47:23 Caller No, not that I know of.

47:25 Adam Well, that's a good sign.

47:26 Drew At the very least, it suggests there's been some abnormal arousal.

47:29 Adam Well, wait a minute. What about talking to the ten-year-old who will be a little more able to discuss these things? It's just picking her brain a little bit.

47:37 Drew I'll tell you, this kind of self-stimulation and arousal mechanisms don't develop naturally.

47:43 Adam Well, maybe she went and got hold of a couple of his porn movies or something. Oh, yeah.

47:49 Drew That's the problem. I'm not saying he did anything sinister, but something happened.

47:53 Adam All right. So.

47:54 Drew It needs to be evaluated.

47:55 Adam So, how?

47:57 Drew A child psychologist, or a pediatrician. Start with the pediatrician.

48:00 Adam She can't talk, though? She's sick.

48:01 Drew Start with the pediatrician. She can't talk?

48:04 Adam No. Can't talk? Ask if anything went wrong?

48:06 Drew You can ask, but you.

48:08 Adam I mean, you get a vibe.

48:09 Guest But people have training and they know how to sort of.

48:11 Drew Yeah. It already needs evaluation. All right.

48:13 Adam Listen. I'm going to talk to my kids. Sorry. I know that sounds old fashioned, Drew. You want to whisk your kids away to the Mayo Clinic every time they scratch their crotch. We'll take a little break. We'll be back after this.

48:25 Caller Hello. What is it?

48:27 This is Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

49:02 Adam Yeah. Yeah. All right, I kind of screwed that one up. Now, I'm not going to try it again. Tony Hawk's going to come in a little bit later this week, and we'll talk to him. That's always nice. Good guy. Tonight, we have Beth Broderick and Andrew Levitas from Psycho Beach Party, which, again, you can find if you just get on your computer and go to www.psychobeachparty.com and find it near you. It came out as of last Friday. I guess it was a hit off Broadway for how long?

49:40 Guest Oh, for a long time. I think it was like 10 years or something, and then it ran off Broadway. Yeah, about 12 years. Yeah.

49:47 Adam Now it's a movie, and boy, there must be a fair amount of writing in converting something from a, well, it wasn't a musical, was it?

49:55 Guest No, it was a play, but actually the director, Bob King, is here. He and Charles did have to work very hard to adapt it from a play into a movie because you had to really raise the stakes. And it takes, I mean, I'm a writer, so I know it takes a lot of a lot of effort.

50:08 Adam Yeah, I'm a writer, except for I don't write, so I don't know. I don't know about how the effort part works. All right. Christine.

50:16 Caller Hello.

50:16 Adam You're 18.

50:17 Caller Yes.

50:17 Caller What is up?

50:19 Caller I've only had sex like 10 times.

50:22 And during intercourse, I like to hear a sound that sounds like a fart. And I'm just wondering, is that mean I'm like loose or? I don't know what it is.

50:32 It's like freaking me out.

50:34 Adam Yeah. You have a whoopee vagina. It's coming from you though, right?

50:40 Yeah.

50:41 But I don't know. Is that like normal?

50:44 Is that like...

50:46 Adam What would... This happens periodically to everybody. But what is the recipe for this? Is it vigorous sex meets moisture?

50:57 Drew It's different people, different positions.

51:01 Adam Right.

51:02 It's air.

51:03 Drew It's the air of those two people in that particular angle.

51:06 Adam Right.

51:07 Drew Getting in there.

51:07 Adam And to air is human, Christine, so don't worry about it.

51:10 Okay.

51:12 Drew Absolutely normal.

51:12 Adam But is it during certain positions that you notice it more?

51:15 Yeah.

51:16 Adam Yeah. Like which ones?

51:17 Like when I'm on my back.

51:19 Adam Oh, really?

51:20 Yeah.

51:21 Adam Geez. That would be my guess for the least loud position.

51:25 Guest I would have thought doggies that would promote that a little more. Yeah.

51:27 Adam Doggies is the one you hear it the most. And it's really the most vulnerable position for hearing the sound.

51:35 Yeah. Like hell would freak me out. I'm like, what the hell?

51:37 Drew Don't laugh.

51:38 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

51:41 Adam That's why I always bring a towel in that position to bite on in case something funny happens. Just bite on that towel. All right, Christine, you're normal. You're fine. Everything's good. The guy does it. Just crank up the stereo. You guys get good and drunk and no one will know. All right? Okay.

51:59 Caller Thanks.

51:59 Adam All righty. Amber.

52:01 Caller Hi.

52:02 Adam You're 17.

52:03 Caller Yeah.

52:03 Adam What is up?

52:06 Caller About nine months ago, I started on Depo-Provera, which is birth control. Right. Recently, in the past six months, it's hurt during sex. I don't know if it's made me smaller or-

52:23 Drew No, it might make you drier. And estrogen is a good thing for the lining of the vagina. And provera or progesterone sometimes isn't as good. It causes a depletion of estrogen, let's say. And it can make it irritable and friable and less moisture.

52:43 Adam Friable? This is your vagina on drugs?

52:49 Drew It bleeds easily. That kind of gets irritated.

52:52 So what should I like?

52:53 Adam So depoprovera means what? Progesterone?

52:57 Drew Progesterone, yes. So you ought to talk to your doctor about that. It may be better if you'd be on the pill. However, I was just reading some data that suggests that there's been a decline in the teen birthrate in this country in the last part of the 90s, and about 75% of that was due to increased use of these long-acting birth controllers.

53:12 Adam That was Charlie Sheen sobriety, too, wasn't it?

53:14 Drew Roughly, yes.

53:15 Adam Put a pretty big dents in it.

53:18 Drew And so these agents have been extremely important in terms of utilizing effective means of contraception, so there's less likely to be failure using these long-acting means.

53:28 Adam Right. All right.

53:30 Drew So she should talk to her doctor, but maybe switch into the pill. I bet that would do it.

53:35 Adam All right, Amber?

53:35 Caller All right.

53:36 Adam All right. Good times.

53:38 Caller Yeah.

53:40 Adam Jonathan? You're 17? What's up?

53:43 Caller I have a boil, I think, right above my penis and between my legs.

53:50 Adam That's terrible. You have boils?

53:52 Caller Yeah. It will hurt. I hate when you touch them.

53:55 Drew Are you overweight?

53:56 Caller No.

53:57 Adam You ask them because stuff may be rubbing together?

54:00 Drew It's just in those moist folded areas, bacteria tends to proliferate more.

54:04 Adam I see.

54:05 Caller Is there anything I could take to get rid of them?

54:07 Drew Yeah. You can take antibiotics sometimes. That's a common thing that people get.

54:11 Adam What's the difference between a boil and a carbuncle and a zit?

54:16 Drew It's all basically the same stuff. As far as you're concerned, it's the same.

54:18 Adam It is.

54:20 Caller Soap could clear that out.

54:21 Drew Physahex, antibacterial soaps, it might help it.

54:24 Caller I've had it for a while now.

54:26 Drew Well then you may need some antibiotics. Usually these things are staph and it sometimes means eradicating the staph on the surface of your skin. Okay.

54:33 Caller All right.

54:34 Adam All right. That's got to be nice for the ladies. Run into the boils now. Is that a boil or are you just glad to see me? Here we go. Jake?

54:45 Yeah?

54:46 Adam Jake, you're 16.

54:48 Caller Hello?

54:49 Drew No, he's not.

54:49 Adam No, you're not. Jake, you're not 16.

54:51 I'm 15.

54:53 Adam You're 15.

54:54 Caller Yeah.

54:54 Adam All right.

54:55 Caller Adam Corolla?

54:56 Adam Oh, no. Oh, thank you. You love The Man Show? Good.

55:02 Drew This is the sweet spot for your listening demographic. We're doing demographic here.

55:06 Adam The 15-year-old retard?

55:07 Drew The prepubertal 15-year-old retard.

55:08 Adam That's right. Thanks, Jake. Did you watch tonight?

55:12 Drew No, I missed it.

55:14 Adam How do you say you love something and then you miss it the night it's on?

55:17 Caller It was gone. My grandma had a heart attack.

55:19 Adam That is no excuse. No excuse. Why? When she saw the girls jumping on trampolines, she had a heart attack?

55:28 Caller No, she had a heart attack later and had to go to the hospital.

55:31 Adam All right. Is she okay?

55:33 Caller Yeah.

55:33 Adam Okay. Do you have a question tonight?

55:35 Caller Yeah.

55:36 Caller I had a physical with like this really nasty old guy. Yeah.

55:41 Adam He was 31. Right?

55:44 Caller Well, I'm sexually active with my girlfriend and all.

55:46 Adam Good for you.

55:48 Caller Yeah.

55:48 Caller Really gross, you know, no one ever had sex with her.

55:51 Caller It's like I can't get him out of my head.

55:54 Adam What did he do to you?

55:56 Caller Grabbed my balls and turned my head and cough.

55:58 Adam Yeah. Anything else?

56:00 Caller He's all going like, you like that?

56:02 Caller No.

56:03 Adam No, he didn't say that to me. You're a damn liar. You know it. I do like that. Most little boys like that. I've not had the turn your head and cough thing in a while. That's a hernia. That's what they're feeling for. Now they just actually feel my hernia and ask me to cough, right? Right.

56:23 Drew They just grab the hernia and say, oh, it's getting bigger Adam.

56:25 Adam Yeah. I've had this hernia down in my junk area for, geez, it's been a good six years now. It seems to be holding pretty good.

56:34 Yeah.

56:35 Adam No reason to do anything, right?

56:36 Drew When you start putting the roof on your garage, it will come down.

56:39 Adam Oh, really?

56:40 Drew Drop down a little further.

56:41 Adam Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's doing fine. When I had a little surgery on my hand, Drew suggested they take care of my hernia at the same time. What is that? It's like the mechanic saying, well, as long as we're going to drop the tranny, let's just go ahead and redo the pressure plate and resurface the flywheel. I mean, as long as we got it up on the rack, they wouldn't do that, would they?

57:06 Drew Might.

57:07 Guest Might.

57:07 Adam You know what I mean?

57:08 Guest Really? If you're going to be under a general, why not?

57:10 Adam I like going under a general. I'm looking for any excuse to go back under a general. Are you kidding me? People are always like, every time you go under the general, you have a chance of something going wrong. But how bad could it be?

57:23 Caller You're passed out.

57:24 Adam You know what I mean? You never know it.

57:27 Guest Well, I've had them come in and say, we couldn't intubate you. It was impossible to intubate you. We had to go through a panic. It was scary.

57:34 Adam Oh, really? When you were under?

57:36 Guest Yeah.

57:36 Adam But that's what I'm saying. And I know maybe I'm getting a little too philosophical about this, but I certainly wouldn't want to know I was going to die before I went under general. But after, it just would be nothing. You're just drifted into nothingness.

57:50 Drew But you don't have kids.

57:51 Adam Whoever had to drive you home just wouldn't have to make the trip.

57:53 Drew And that's why you have nobody that relies on you for anything.

57:57 Adam Well, Drew, you'd be in the poor house a week after I went under. So are you kidding me? Look, Drew, I got you and your kids and your wife to support. Look at it that way.

58:06 Drew I just want to thank you for that.

58:07 Adam There you go. That's what I'm saying.

58:09 Caller Kathy?

58:11 Adam You're 16?

58:12 Caller Yes.

58:13 Adam What is up?

58:14 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew. Yeah?

58:17 Caller Like my vagina lips, they're like long. I want to know if there's any surgery I could have it done.

58:22 Drew There actually are those sorts of surgeries, but not at your age, I wouldn't think. So it's just, and I don't think it's something that you should necessarily be concerned with, okay?

58:30 Caller Okay.

58:31 Adam Wow, they're long?

58:32 Caller Yes.

58:33 Adam And has anyone seen them?

58:36 Caller My boyfriend.

58:37 Adam What's he have to say?

58:39 Caller He really doesn't say anything, but I feel like uncomfortable and it was embarrassing.

58:43 Drew Yeah, but talk to him about it.

58:45 Adam Well, have you compared it to your friends?

58:48 Caller Well, I told one of my friends if she's a lesbian, like had her take a look at it and if she says they can compare to her, it's gonna be really long.

58:56 Caller How long are we talking?

58:58 Drew Wait, she can talk to the lesbian friend?

59:00 Caller Yeah.

59:01 Adam Yeah.

59:02 Drew And had her take a look, put her up on the rack, let's take a look here.

59:06 Adam Talk about a gig. Oh yeah, I'm a lesbian. Oh no, I know vaginas. Yeah, we'll have a look.

59:12 That's nice.

59:14 Drew 16.

59:15 Adam Yeah. Yeah, I had a gay friend examine my penis for a weekend. There have been mammoths. It was, I don't know if you need to look at it the entire weekend.

59:23 Drew It's so close, too.

59:24 Adam Yeah, right up there, mouth and everything. Yeah, it didn't seem right. Yeah, at the time, you know, I mean, with all the acts I had in me and everything, it seemed like a good place. Kathy? Yeah? Yeah, you'll be fine. Although they do have these procedures, right? They have these, like, gynoplasty procedures where they have, like, hymen repair and they have, like, you know, labia tucks and it's a burgeoning field that is going on out here. Have you heard anything about this?

59:58 Guest Yeah, it just sounds insane to me. I mean, I wouldn't worry about it. If your boyfriend's cool and just relax, get some magazines, take a look at some other women's vaginas and, you know, get familiar with what they look like.

1:00:11 Caller It might make her feel better to, you know, fix it all up and tuck it back in or whatever she's got to do.

1:00:18 Adam But I mean, she's 16. She shouldn't. Listen, here's the thing. They do come in different shapes and sizes and guys aren't normal. I've never heard any guys complain about it. I really have it. You know what I mean? Drew, you got a story?

1:00:32 Drew No, no. I'm thinking that you never hear the complaint or praise. Right.

1:00:36 Adam It's just there. It's just, hey, thank you for letting me see it. Whatever shape it's in, thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, and they, guys, I've heard guys complain about odor, but, and from doing this show for five years, that is the only complaint we've ever heard from a guy, right?

1:00:53 Drew Yeah.

1:00:53 Adam And we know guys will complain about anything, right?

1:00:56 Drew Right.

1:00:56 Adam And there's a few things that women think guys care about that they don't really care about, and then there's a whole bunch of stuff that guys really do care about that women aren't interested in hearing about, which is kind of ironic. But the vagina, now, as long as it smells fine and they can get at it, guys are happy. Robert? Robert?

1:01:17 Drew Sleeping.

1:01:18 Adam Oh, really? He's been on hold for nine minutes. He's not asleep.

1:01:22 Drew There he is.

1:01:23 Adam You're 16. What's going on?

1:01:25 Caller I was wondering if I could get warts on my penis.

1:01:28 Adam No. Yes, you can. It's an impossibility. It's a mathematical impossibility.

1:01:32 Drew Most men do.

1:01:33 Adam If you lived to 150, you couldn't get a wart, Robert. Not you, baby, because you're special.

1:01:38 Drew What's the question about the warts?

1:01:41 Caller I have warts on my hand, and I was just wondering if I could get a wart on my penis if I masturbate.

1:01:47 Drew Well, that's actually an unusual thing, but it can't happen.

1:01:50 Adam No, it won't happen. Let me ask you, does your mother have an oven mittens?

1:01:55 Caller No.

1:01:56 Adam Okay, you're going to have to get one. Washcloth?

1:02:00 Caller Sock?

1:02:01 Adam Yeah. Can't you do what I do and use the cat's tail? Wrap it around. Robbie, and listen, I understand, and I can't figure this stuff out, like warts, for instance. Why is it if you have, and we've gone around on this, and the answer is it's a different virus or whatever, but you get a wart on your finger, you rub your finger all over your penis, and you get no wart on your penis.

1:02:29 Drew The same is true of herpes. Why if someone has a herpes outbreak, why can't they auto-inoculate themselves to other areas? Like they could get it in their eye and they'd be in trouble, but why can't you push it on your skin?

1:02:39 Adam Yeah, I mean, right, right. You get herpes from a towel or something, and now you've got a herpy on your nose, and you scratch your nose, and then you scratch your nuts, and no herpy on the nuts. Why not?

1:02:49 Drew Right. Auto-inoculation.

1:02:51 Adam I mean, I'm not going to argue with it, but I mean, it's a weird, it's weird the way these things are set up, all right? But he's all right. If anything, add a little texture.

1:03:03 Drew Along these lines of weird viral behaviors, there's a school of thought beginning to come out now by HIV that you should treat the virus like impulses and give the body a time to sort of, almost like you would get a vaccine against it, so the viruses would sort of surge on, and then you get it under control with the medications and bring the virus on in a surge again, and give your immune system an opportunity to develop a sort of an army against the virus, take them off the medication, and sometimes the viral load stays down.

1:03:32 Adam So to not continually knock down the virus so that your own immune system can't build up against it.

1:03:39 Drew Like keep re-exposing it to bursts of the virus. Now the problem with that is that you allow certain virus to also proliferate, then it may become resistant to the drugs.

1:03:47 Adam Right.

1:03:47 Drew So you could either auto-inoculate or make multi-drug resistance, in which case you got a big problem.

1:03:53 Adam So what's the school of thought now?

1:03:55 Drew It's evolving.

1:03:56 Adam Anderson or Andreas.

1:04:00 Caller Hi guys.

1:04:00 Adam You're 30, what's up?

1:04:03 Caller I want to call and say you guys got a great show. We like listening to you. Thanks. My question is for Dr. Drew. I had a case of, a severe case of Epididymitis a few weeks back. And I'm currently taking this dietic called Cipro. And well, I really want to know what caused it initially. I talked with my...

1:04:28 Drew You'll probably never know. Did you ever have an STD?

1:04:31 Caller No. No, I've been in a monogamous relationship for now.

1:04:34 Adam So what's Epididymitis?

1:04:36 Drew Epididymitis is an infection of the Epididymus, which is the thing that sits on top of the test tube. And what infection? Inflammation. It can be caused by Chlamydia, Chlamydia caused by Gonorrhea, it can be Prostatitis, it can set you up for it. Any of those previous infections can predispose you to it. But it's most typically, as I understand, a Gram-negative thing. That's why they put you on the Cipro, because that covers Gram-negative organisms.

1:05:00 Caller They ran several types of antibiotics for me.

1:05:03 Adam Are you worried that you have a venereal disease?

1:05:07 Caller Well, I'm not worried about myself. Could I have contracted it through my hand?

1:05:12 Drew No, it's not a venereal disease, per se. It can even sometimes be more inflammatory than infectious. The first course antibiotics may have cleared it up, but you're left with this inflammation, so sometimes urologists will use anti-inflammatory like the Aleve or Newprint or something like that.

1:05:26 Adam So how does it present itself?

1:05:28 Drew Testy pain.

1:05:31 Caller It's swelling.

1:05:32 Caller My right testicle was like this.

1:05:33 Adam Well, it's not too bad minus the pain. How come nothing swells the penis, Drew? Everything on the body swells but the penis.

1:05:40 Drew You know what swells the penis is? You know we get these people that complain of sort of fracturing the penis? They were going at it.

1:05:46 Adam They were trying to break some cavity in it.

1:05:48 Drew They miss and he bends his penis wrong. In Iowa State yesterday, that was one of the questions. They described, what do you mean? What did you see? Well, now his penis looks like a sweet potato.

1:06:01 Adam Nice. He's putting the sweet back in sweet potato. All right. You know what's weird? My stepdad, he loves sweet potatoes. He don't like yams and I always yell at him, listen, you idiot, a yam is just more of a sweet potato, you jackass. He never listens to me. He drives me nuts with that. Could you imagine having to live with that? They like sweet potatoes and I'm like yams. JP, did JP hang up?

1:06:31 Guest Sound like it.

1:06:32 Adam Sound like it to me. John?

1:06:34 Yeah.

1:06:34 Adam You're 17?

1:06:35 Caller Yeah.

1:06:36 Adam Yeah. Sorry for disturbing you. But we have some important questions for you. Like what's your goddamn question?

1:06:42 Caller Yeah. I was wondering because like I got raped at the age of 11 and by like one of my dad's friends. And I don't know if things like I felt like if I was attracted to like guys but like in a way only.

1:06:58 Drew Well, what that kind of activity does is set up arousal mechanisms that tend to confuse sexual orientation.

1:07:07 Adam What is this? Was your dad a biker or something?

1:07:10 Caller No. He was like a normal guy but like that day he got loaded and he was sleeping and his friend was there and like he raped me. I never did tell anyone though.

1:07:20 Adam You never did?

1:07:21 Caller No.

1:07:22 Adam And did this guy still come around and hang out?

1:07:25 Caller Sometimes, yeah.

1:07:27 Adam That's a good buddy. And you still have never told anybody?

1:07:32 Caller I don't know one. I kept it to myself.

1:07:34 Adam And now you're attracted to men?

1:07:36 Caller Yeah, like only in a way. I just like check them out sometimes.

1:07:40 Adam And you think this is what did it?

1:07:42 Caller Yeah, I'm pretty much but like I'm just like wondering if it could be this or...

1:07:46 Drew Yes, it could be that.

1:07:47 Adam It's definitely connected.

1:07:49 Caller Yeah, because I mean I like girls and everything too but like, you know...

1:07:52 Drew People are even talking more now about situations like this as men who have sex with men, not gay, but men who have sex with men.

1:07:59 Adam Oh, I'd like to talk to those guys.

1:08:01 Drew But that's what this guy kind of is. He's being, this sort of mechanism has been put into him quite literally.

1:08:06 Adam Right.

1:08:07 Drew And he's not gay. It's not the way he's going because he still has his other sort of track established.

1:08:13 Adam Left alone...

1:08:14 Drew He would have been straight.

1:08:15 Adam He would have been straight, but somebody got to him and screwed with him.

1:08:18 Caller I have a girlfriend but I just never told her anything.

1:08:21 Drew You got to talk to somebody, John. With any luck, you can straighten this all out with a little bit of therapy and these are really post-traumatic stress reactions.

1:08:31 Guest You don't have to feel guilty about having these attractions either. There are lots of people in the world that are bisexual. There are a lot of different sexualities out there and they are all great. You just need to take care of yourself in terms of this rape and really see a therapist and work through it.

1:08:47 Drew I wouldn't worry about telling anybody else except a professional. You get yourself a therapist and tell that person.

1:08:57 Adam John, here's a deal. How old is your girlfriend?

1:09:00 Caller She's like 15 or something.

1:09:02 Drew What's she going to do with that information?

1:09:04 Adam She's going to freak out.

1:09:07 Caller I'm just wondering if I should tell her or not.

1:09:09 Drew Tell a professional.

1:09:10 Adam You'll freak her out. Just look at this as any other trauma in any other event, almost drowning, car accident, fire, whatever. And you're having some post-traumatic stress disorder. And you've got to talk to somebody about it.

1:09:24 Drew What is it with the human though that they nearly drown in a shipwreck? They don't want to run back out on a ship and blow a hole in the hole.

1:09:31 Adam Right. Blow being the operative term there. But I know what you're saying. Drew and I have discussed this many a time, which is nothing could be more traumatic to an 11-year-old boy than being raped by one of dad's drunken buddies. Right. And in any other facet of life, and we all know people who got bit by a dog when they were young or almost drowned when they were young, and they won't go near the ocean or they won't get, they won't go near a dog.

1:09:54 Drew So they don't recreate the whole thing over and over again.

1:09:57 Guest Well, there's a lot of guilt association with it. I think that because even though you are raped or, you know, have sex imposed on you against your will, if you have some kind of a neurotic response to it, which most kids do, then they live with a guilt about that. And it starts to really grow into something. Is it?

1:10:16 Drew But I wonder if it's guilt.

1:10:18 Adam I agree with Beth. I think rape is a good thing. All right. We were going to... Is that... That was your point? We're going to take ourselves a break. And Drew, we're going to pee together, right?

1:10:30 Drew If you're ready.

1:10:31 Adam All righty.

1:10:32 Drew You're gay.

1:10:32 Adam When we come back, we'll talk to Robin, who's 30, wants to know... has to get a drug test, wants to... smokes a lot of weed, wants to know how long it will stay in her system after this.

1:10:47 Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

1:11:21 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. Adam Corolla is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Skateboarder extraordinaire Tony Hawk will be in here a little bit later this week. And I don't know if I saw him at the X Games. He must have been there like doing commentary and all that kind of stuff. Psycho Beach Party is the movie we're talking about. Came out last Friday. Check in to www. Thanks Ann. Psycho Beach party.com.

1:11:52 Guest And it's at the Lindley Sunset 5 if you're in LA.

1:11:54 Adam That's right. That's Beth Broderick and Andrew Levitas. And Drew, these things were only in the microwave for about 30 seconds. I think they need another minute or so. Mine's not boiling. Can we stuff a tea bag in this thing? All right. These things are like hotter than.

1:12:11 Drew He's holding up a bottle of water.

1:12:12 Adam Where were they? Were they like under a goose or something? It's better. Remember when people thought cold water was bad for you?

1:12:23 Drew Yeah. People around the world still think that.

1:12:24 Adam Oh they do?

1:12:25 Drew Yeah.

1:12:25 Adam Yeah. They're just miserable. People around the world think cold beer is bad for you, too, those idiots.

1:12:31 Caller Boy.

1:12:33 Adam This is the greatest country in the world. Robin?

1:12:36 Yeah.

1:12:36 Adam You're 30.

1:12:37 Caller Yes.

1:12:38 Adam What's up?

1:12:39 Caller Well, I have, by the way, welcome back, Adam. I'm glad that, glad to hear you back on. Shryker did a good job while you were gone, but no one said, hey, listen, you idiots, like you do, so.

1:12:49 Adam Thank you. You want to know, you want to know?

1:12:52 Drew All you idiots.

1:12:52 Adam It's my ass, you idiots.

1:12:53 Drew Yeah.

1:12:54 Adam I had a great time in Canada. The only thing that was disturbing about Canada, white, I passed a big venue where there was a big concert, white guys scalping tickets out front. That, I found that frightening. I've never seen that before come to the United States. This guy's holding up signs, who needs a ticket? I got a ticket. Who wants to buy a ticket? All lily white. And I thought to myself, wow, we got to be somewhere else.

1:13:20 Guest Not a lot of diversity there.

1:13:21 Adam No, no. Robin, what's up?

1:13:24 Caller Well, I have a...

1:13:25 Adam I'm sure they're horrible at it, by the way.

1:13:28 Caller I have a drug test coming up. I have a job. I'm going to be interviewing for a job, and I'm probably going to get it, and I'll have to take a drug test. The thing is, I've been smoking pot. I just stopped like two weeks ago. It'll probably be by the time I take a test, it'll be like six weeks. And I know it'll still be in my system, but I was thinking, is if I take one of those cleaning kits to clean up your urine, I know that the test can detect that, but what if I do it now, in six weeks, will the kit still show up in my urine? Not so much the pot, but the cleaning kit.

1:13:57 Drew The cleaning kit, though, if I understand, there's all kinds of different things out there, but most of those are designed to be used in sort of imminent anticipation of a urine test. Yeah, like the night before kind of thing, right? Yeah, it's not like it's going to pull the pot out of your system. It just adulterates the urine, and they will be testing for adulterating agents, I guarantee you.

1:14:17 Caller Oh yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

1:14:19 Drew You're much more likely to have an adulterating agent detected than the pot.

1:14:22 Adam What is the gig that you're trying to get?

1:14:24 Caller I don't know, I just want to mock it. Don't worry about it.

1:14:28 Drew Okay, Mark.

1:14:29 Adam Is it a Walmart gig?

1:14:30 Caller No, it's not. It's not the kind of gig. Actually, it's working for the city, doing like a snitch job, where I basically kind of paddle on other employees. No, it's called, it's called Security Ambassador. It's up in Seattle.

1:14:47 Adam The pay is not good, but you get to wear sash in Tierra, which is kind of interesting.

1:14:52 Caller It's good to be able to live in Seattle.

1:14:54 Adam Security Ambassador?

1:14:56 Caller That's what they call it. Basically, what you do is you kind of walk around downtown Seattle and just kind of, it's, you kind of just keep all the homeless people under control.

1:15:08 Drew Every city needs a Hesher Ambassador running around the city, don't you think?

1:15:12 Adam Yeah.

1:15:13 Drew They're jovial and happy.

1:15:15 Adam By the way, this is the job, this is the job that like when you have a factory and you have to hire your retired nephew, this is the job you give him to keep him out of the way. You're the ambassador of and it runs through your mind, Lithuania, France, security. Yes, you walk around the floor, make sure everything's on the up and up. Don't bother checking back. Just be on your way. So you wander the streets as the ambassador of security.

1:15:45 Caller Yeah.

1:15:45 Adam Hey, Robin, here's the deal. What if you come across any foul play? What do you do?

1:15:49 Caller Basically, you're there to help, like help homeless people find shelters. You're there to help, like you're mostly there helping people, you help tourists. You're wearing like a uniform. Tourists are encouraged to approach you and ask you questions.

1:16:01 Adam All right. Six weeks from now, you'll be fine.

1:16:05 Drew Don't lose any weight, don't exercise heavily beforehand because that could mobilize it from your fat.

1:16:09 Caller Okay. So I can just lie around and just...

1:16:11 Adam But it's important not to move.

1:16:13 Drew No, no, no. Eat carbohydrates and fat. Don't restrict your calories in the three or four days before going in.

1:16:19 Caller Okay. And that should be fine. Like six weeks.

1:16:22 Drew Six weeks should be plenty of time.

1:16:23 Caller Okay. Well, thank you so much.

1:16:25 Adam All right.

1:16:26 Caller Bye.

1:16:26 Adam I'm sure Seattle is such a progressive city. It's got to be the only place.

1:16:30 Guest Just walking around in the rain, keeping things secure.

1:16:33 Adam How much extra money do you have to have as a city to start appointing security ambassadors? And how can we get in on some of this? You know what I mean?

1:16:40 Drew You need to set up Microsoft in your town.

1:16:42 Adam Jesus Christ.

1:16:42 Drew That's what that is.

1:16:43 Adam That's what that is, yeah. We don't have enough cops and school teachers. They got security ambassadors walking around. Is that what that is? You get Microsoft and Boeing and now you get security ambassadors.

1:16:56 Drew Yes. This is more fuel for keeping people like that, you know, intact. Right.

1:17:03 Adam Yeah. Oh, you mean?

1:17:04 Drew We need more people like that in our city.

1:17:06 Adam More rich people to buy security ambassadors. All right. Let's talk to Brian. Brian?

1:17:14 Caller Yes.

1:17:14 Adam You're 25. What is that?

1:17:17 Caller Well, I have my wife and I have three children.

1:17:19 Adam It's like a hall monitor for life. You know what I mean? It's like a hall monitor for the city. Yeah. Sounds like a good gig though. They're not really responsible for too much.

1:17:32 Drew They have a big music hall. They've got that music museum now.

1:17:36 Adam Yeah. Oh, don't use that drinking fountain. Someone put gum in that one. Use the other one down in the corner.

1:17:41 Guest It sounds too fabricated, too Disneylandish, too Bill Bergean, you know?

1:17:46 Adam Brian?

1:17:47 Caller Yes.

1:17:47 Adam You're 25.

1:17:49 Caller Yeah.

1:17:49 Adam What is up?

1:17:50 Caller Well, my wife and I have three kids. And it seems like after our first child, our sex life has kind of diminished, kind of like her libido has dropped down.

1:18:00 Drew Which is very common.

1:18:02 Caller Well, I was wondering if there's anything I can do to help correct that. Should I just try to lay off and let her set pace?

1:18:08 Drew Has it gotten worse?

1:18:09 Adam We've had a labia drop and a libido drop in the same night.

1:18:13 Drew Has it gotten worse with the subsequent two kids?

1:18:18 Caller Well, not really.

1:18:20 Drew So since the first one, it's been bad?

1:18:22 Caller What's that?

1:18:23 Drew Since the first one, it's been bad?

1:18:25 Caller Yeah.

1:18:26 Adam What's she good for a week?

1:18:28 Caller What's that?

1:18:28 Adam What is she good for a month? Well, I said week originally, but maybe nothing.

1:18:34 Drew Too painful to say it that way.

1:18:35 Adam Right. A month. What can we put you down for?

1:18:38 Caller Maybe about three or four.

1:18:40 Drew That's approaching national averages.

1:18:42 Caller Really? Depressed.

1:18:43 Caller It is depressed.

1:18:44 Drew One and a half times a week.

1:18:45 Adam That's why people don't want to get married.

1:18:48 Drew Let me tell you, after maybe a bunch of kids in the house, everybody is too tired. You can't work it in. You can't work it in. You're too tired.

1:18:55 Adam Let me tell you, if there's an owl hooting out on the tree, it breaks my rhythm. I couldn't imagine some kids running around with a wiffle bat banging on the door while I'm trying to bang mommy. I couldn't imagine.

1:19:08 Caller Yeah, well, our kids pretty much take care of themselves.

1:19:11 Guest How old are they? How is that possible?

1:19:13 Caller One, three and five. Ah, sure.

1:19:14 Adam They're on their own by two or three.

1:19:16 Caller Yeah.

1:19:16 Adam Right. One's heading off to college. The other one has their own life, old friends. They're probably embarrassed when you come pick them up from preschool, right? Yeah. Yeah, they don't like to be seen. They're...

1:19:26 Caller They kind of cover their eyes.

1:19:27 Adam Sneaking out, sneaking out of the windows at night, hanging out, smoking cigarettes with their friends. Sure. One, three and five? Yeah. You're done parenting at that age.

1:19:36 Guest They're throwing their own series.

1:19:37 Adam That's autopilot.

1:19:37 Drew Maybe that's the problem here is your expectations of what your wife needs to be doing is completely bizarre. She needs to be on those kids all the time.

1:19:44 Adam Well, the one-year-old I can see is going to need another six, eight months' worth of parenting. But the two and the five-year-old, I mean, they're... do they vote?

1:19:53 Guest Good to go. They're good to go.

1:19:54 Adam Five-year-old's signed up for ROTC, is going to be going away to Thailand in six months with the Marines.

1:20:01 Caller Well, I'd say it was his choice he would be, but...

1:20:04 Adam Yeah, they're on their own at that.

1:20:05 Caller I think I'm hold off until about 18 on that one.

1:20:07 Adam Good, good man.

1:20:08 Caller No, my wife and I, we share parenting about 50 percent. It's more like 60-40. She gets the 60, I get the 40.

1:20:17 Adam I see. Do you both work? Sometimes when a woman's libido drops off, and Beth, you can chime in here, sometimes it's got to do with the man.

1:20:29 Guest I don't know if I can come in.

1:20:30 Adam Well, a lot of the time, it's got to do with the man and not being heard in the relationship and that kind of stuff.

1:20:38 Drew That's what I was getting at. If he's like saying, hey, the parenting is over now, it's about me, she would be so angry that it would be unbelievable.

1:20:45 Guest Women need communication.

1:20:46 Caller The parenting is not over yet.

1:20:48 Adam Right. Okay. So she's not angry at you?

1:20:51 Caller No, no, not at all.

1:20:52 Adam Okay.

1:20:53 Caller We have a very good relationship. We're best friends.

1:20:56 Drew This is again, you talk to the women, she's like, oh my god, I've told him a million times.

1:21:01 Adam Are you sure she didn't tell you something a million times?

1:21:04 Caller Oh, I don't know. I only listened to her about 30% of the time.

1:21:07 Adam There you go.

1:21:08 Guest Okay.

1:21:09 Adam Do you get any oral sex?

1:21:11 Caller No, actually, she doesn't like doing that, but however, I do that.

1:21:15 Adam A five-year-old on the other hand. What's that?

1:21:18 Drew What are you doing to her? There are multiple things that can go on. One is that there are hormonal changes and sometimes something as simple as going on the birth control pill can restore some of that chemistry. So there's also the potential of there being a depression, both related to the stress of being a parent and or a postpartum process. There is the fact of the scheduling and the demands of childbearing and then there's the interpersonal issue whether or not there's something going on here. We kind of suspect there is.

1:21:42 Adam Here's the thing. Here's my take on this. If in a woman is closed down sort of biologically, physically does not you know just not in the mood but loves the hell out of her husband thinks he's a great father and a great husband and endures him. She's going to throw him a bone once in a while. She's going to give him a little oral pleasure. She's going to give him a little sex. She's going to realize that hey maybe I'm not into this but I'm really into this guy and I want to make him happy.

1:22:09 Drew Unless you're severely depressed.

1:22:10 Adam Right and so you know once twice a week I give him a little eye action even if my heart's not in it.

1:22:16 Guest But if somebody is only listening to you 30% of the time and you're not feeling like you're communicated with a woman will shut down.

1:22:24 Adam Absolutely. Peter, a man would never pull that crap on a woman. Peter, you're 13.

1:22:33 Caller Yeah.

1:22:34 Adam What is up?

1:22:35 Caller Well, my uncle had taken like an oath of celibacy to be true to his wife or something. About the other day I was rummaging through my old closet inside my room and I found pornography like I don't know, magazines and videos.

1:22:51 Drew Does that violate his oath of celibacy?

1:22:53 Caller Well, yeah, kind of. I mean, because I mean, I look up to him and everything and...

1:22:56 Drew How does that violate his oath of celibacy? Maybe that allows him to maintain his oath of celibacy.

1:23:00 Adam That's a celibacy tool. It's an aid, a celibacy aid. And don't look up to him. You might get something in your eye. Now, is this... Peter, what's your nationality?

1:23:12 Caller Mexican-American.

1:23:13 Adam Oh, okay, because I heard something going on. I couldn't put my finger on it.

1:23:16 Drew Smoke alarm needs a battery.

1:23:17 Adam Oh, is that what that is? Huh? Okay. You got to get that thing hardwired in, Peter. You can't just keep replacing that 9-volt every 10 minutes. So, yeah, don't judge your uncle too harshly. How old is he?

1:23:29 Caller He's about, I don't know, like 43.

1:23:32 Adam And how do you know about this oath of celibacy?

1:23:34 Caller Well, because, I mean, we go to church every weekend and it was like he went up to talk and everything. He was talking about it.

1:23:40 Drew Was he having problems maintaining his monogamy with his wife?

1:23:44 Caller Well, yeah, because, I mean, he's living with us right now.

1:23:48 Adam And she's not living with you right now?

1:23:50 Caller No, no, they're not living with us.

1:23:53 Guest I was wondering about the word celibacy.

1:23:55 Adam They got into a little trouble together?

1:23:58 Caller No, actually, she lives in Mexico and he's staying with us for a while.

1:24:02 Adam I see. All right. So this is something... See, Peter, one day as you get older and something other than urine and air comes out of your penis, you'll realize how important it is to have these tools in order to maintain your relationships, especially when people are in different countries. He should be commended for this. You understand?

1:24:23 Guest It's okay.

1:24:24 Adam So, I'll tell you what, this weekend when you go to church, I want you to bring the pornography with you. I want you to stand up and make a declaration on your uncle's behalf, okay?

1:24:34 Drew Here's evidence that he's maintaining his oath of allegiance.

1:24:37 Adam That's right.

1:24:38 Drew I have hard proof.

1:24:39 Adam That's right. You hold up that big jugs in Spanish. And, did they have that by the way?

1:24:46 Guest I'm sure they did.

1:24:47 Adam They think they have it in large print for the older folks? Let's look into these things. I saw the Canadian Hustler last week when I was in Canada, by the way. Same chicks by the way. Didn't notice the difference. Alright, we're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Elvis. I don't know what his problem is, but his name is Elvis. After this.

1:25:10 Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:25:13 Adam I'm back in a minute. It's Loveline and Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew, Beth and Andrew both here from Psycho Beach Party. You can see that the Sunset 5 in Hollywood and also, you can log on to www.psychobeachparty.com and find it at a theater in your town. All right. We will get back to the phones and speak to Elvis. Again, Tony Hawk will be coming in here on Tuesday, and we'll talk to him. Right now, we'll talk to Elvis, who is 20. Elvis? Hello. Hello.

1:26:13 Caller Yeah. I've had sex three times with my girlfriend, and I never had an orgasm, and she did.

1:26:21 Adam She did?

1:26:21 Caller I don't know why. She's happy.

1:26:23 Adam That's good. Have you had sex with other people? Yeah. Did you have an orgasm?

1:26:30 Caller Like after that, after I had sex with my girlfriend, you're asking if I had sex?

1:26:35 Adam No. In other times in your life. Other people.

1:26:39 Caller Oh yeah. And with this one, I don't know. And I don't know because I like her and I want to have a serious relationship.

1:26:49 Drew That's why you're not performing. It's because you're so anxious and so overwhelmed.

1:26:54 Adam Is he not performing? Is the venus not working?

1:26:57 Caller No. Yeah. My penis is alright.

1:26:59 Drew You can't deliver, as we say.

1:27:01 Caller And I can't, you know, I don't have an orgasm. And because, you know, the first two times, I was like, I was drunk, so I was like, oh, probably because I was drunk.

1:27:10 Adam That's how she got you into the staff, right?

1:27:12 Caller I was drunk and I was high, you know, I was like, maybe it's because this is, you know, I'm having an orgasm. And then I was sober and then I had sex with her and nothing happened.

1:27:23 Caller Is she complaining about this?

1:27:24 Caller No, she, she, she told me, you know, like she was like I, I didn't have an orgasm after the sex, you know, she told me she came, like, I don't know how many times.

1:27:36 Adam Well, OK, what about, what about if she finishes you off with a little oral sex? Do you think that would work?

1:27:43 Caller She told me she would do that, but not yet.

1:27:47 Adam Not yet.

1:27:47 Caller I don't know.

1:27:49 Adam She wants to see the money. I see. All right. All right, Elvis, here's the advice. She doesn't care. Not that much. Not yet. Although women do take these things a little bit personally sometimes. Don't freak yourself out because the more you freak yourself out, the less chance there is of it happening next time.

1:28:08 Drew That's right.

1:28:09 Adam And leave the booze, the coke, the weed, and all that kind of stuff on the nightstand because it's going to get in the way a little bit.

1:28:17 Caller Oh, like how?

1:28:20 Adam Like the crack pipe is going to burn your Johnson. No, it's going to slow you down. It's going to numb you a little bit. You need all your focus. You need all your concentration.

1:28:29 Caller Can I make you another question?

1:28:31 Adam No.

1:28:32 Caller Why not?

1:28:32 Adam All right, because now I don't believe the first one. All right.

1:28:37 Drew I believe he smokes pot.

1:28:38 Adam Wow, Elvis, you smoke a ton of pot, don't you?

1:28:40 Caller No, I'm getting drunk.

1:28:41 Drew You smoke a lot of pot.

1:28:43 Caller No, I didn't smoke today either.

1:28:45 Drew Yeah, and maybe not today, but...

1:28:47 Caller Tomorrow, I will.

1:28:48 Drew Yeah, no doubt.

1:28:48 Adam All right. Go easy on that.

1:28:51 Drew It's affecting her brain. We can hear it.

1:28:52 Adam And don't masturbate for at least an hour before she comes over.

1:28:56 Caller Oh, I'm like...

1:28:58 Drew The pot could be the whole problem...

1:28:59 Caller .those times. I don't know.

1:29:01 Adam I can't. Hey, Elvis, Elvis. What do you do for a living?

1:29:05 Caller Well, I work in, like...

1:29:07 Adam You work in?

1:29:08 Caller In the store when they say clothes and everything. All right.

1:29:11 Drew Okay. I wish you wouldn't ask that question. I'm so scared one of these days, some of these kids are going to go, oh, air traffic control. I'm just convinced that's going to come out of their mouth one of these days.

1:29:19 Adam But listen, all you folks, and you know, I swear to God, I was drunk in Canada. I was there for three days. I was drunk for four. Now, I don't know how I worked that out. I think something with the time difference or something. But I don't pass too much judgment on people. But I can tell you this. Those of you who smoke a ton of weed and think it has no effect on your personality or your demeanor, we can tell. And so can everybody else except for your stone buddies. Just slow down. I'm not asking you to quit. Just slow it down a little bit.

1:29:53 Drew No, they can't. They have to stop for a little while.

1:29:55 Adam Some people can slow it down and some people can't.

1:29:57 Drew But it's a cumulative effect. So in order to have all that stuff we hear go away, six to twelve months. Absolutely.

1:30:04 Adam All right. And they should just put a hose up through their ear and just run tap water, throw it for a few months.

1:30:09 Drew Tap water and oxygen, yeah.

1:30:11 Adam Oxygen, all right. Shanti?

1:30:14 Caller Shanti.

1:30:15 Adam Shanti.

1:30:16 Drew I beg your pardon.

1:30:16 Adam There you go. What's up?

1:30:19 Caller I was just curious on what the long-term and short-term effects of acid are on the body.

1:30:24 Drew Well, it's a brain issue only. And short-term, it can affect your thinking and your mood. You can get a locked-in syndrome where you feel like you're not coming down and stay in kind of a dreamlike state. Long-term, the most typical problem is persistent and lifelong mood disturbances that can be quite, quite serious, associated oftentimes with panic and anxiety.

1:30:44 Adam You're thinking about trying it or you've been doing it?

1:30:46 Caller I did last night for the first time.

1:30:49 Adam Yeah.

1:30:50 Caller And I was just curious.

1:30:51 Drew The main thing is with making sure you don't keep using it because every time you use it, it increases the probability of a lifetime of difficulty.

1:30:58 Adam Did you like it?

1:31:00 Caller Kind of.

1:31:01 Adam How much did you do?

1:31:02 Caller Just one tab.

1:31:04 Adam Yeah. And did you did you see trails or did you hallucinate?

1:31:08 Drew Yeah. Just let it be an experience and don't do it again. And you may have dodged a bullet.

1:31:13 Guest Okay.

1:31:14 Adam Yeah, you'll be fine. All right.

1:31:16 Guest Okay.

1:31:16 Adam All right.

1:31:17 Caller Yeah.

1:31:19 Adam I don't know. Have you ever done any tests about the female brain versus the male brain in these sort of drugs? Yeah, it seems like the male brain has can take more or longer. Is it true? Or chicks not into it as much? It's not nobody knows it. Or how does it work? I know it sounds like a horrible question.

1:31:38 Drew Yeah, I don't know if there are comparison studies out there. There are studies done on just man and just women. And the stuff that I see on men looks a little worse.

1:31:46 Adam Oh, really?

1:31:46 Drew Maybe because they're doing.

1:31:47 Adam Are they doing more of it?

1:31:48 Drew I don't know. Because it's not in men versus women, the stuff I've seen.

1:31:51 Caller Right.

1:31:53 Caller I'm trying to think.

1:31:54 Adam I guess you have to go to a look at it.

1:31:56 Drew There's so much data coming out on the disruption of the serotonergic limbic system, the emotional system from these drugs. Just unbelievable. It's unbelievable.

1:32:05 Adam Okay. So listen, everybody. Leave your brain alone just until you're, what, 18 or 20 or something. Then you use it like a Petri dish.

1:32:17 Drew Or take it out.

1:32:18 Adam That's right. Amber.

1:32:19 Caller Hey, how you guys doing tonight?

1:32:20 Adam You're 18? Good. What's up?

1:32:23 Caller I've been having a recent problem. I've always kind of had it, but I have like lumps in my right breast and around my period, they tend to swell a lot.

1:32:35 Drew Those are cysts.

1:32:37 Caller Well, I've had them checked out and the doctors tend to tell me that there's nothing wrong.

1:32:41 Drew Those are cysts. Those are normal.

1:32:43 Caller Okay. Well, my question is, is my boyfriend and I have been getting closer and I wanted to know, should I just straight out tell him? Because I have a feeling he's going to like freak out.

1:32:54 Drew No, he won't even know.

1:32:56 Adam Tell him every woman has it. Well, you could have five nipples if you told him every chick added, he'd believe you.

1:33:01 Drew Most women do have this.

1:33:03 Caller Well, recently it's been pretty noticeable.

1:33:07 Adam Right.

1:33:08 Drew Don't you do.

1:33:09 Adam If it's noticeable, then you got to tell him, right?

1:33:12 Guest Isn't caffeine having a effect on that?

1:33:13 Drew Caffeine, chocolate, smoking.

1:33:15 Caller I've tried that.

1:33:17 Adam You've tried all those things? Well, double down on them. I agree with Drew.

1:33:20 Drew You've been on birth control pills?

1:33:22 Caller I was about a year ago.

1:33:24 Drew They get worse or better?

1:33:26 Caller I never had it before. In the past six months, I guess I've noticed.

1:33:32 Drew Sometimes it will get better on the pill.

1:33:33 Adam Listen, we're getting back to this, but it's a good note to go out on, which is, guys are not as nearly as freaked out over the stuff that you women think guys are freaked out over.

1:33:44 Drew No.

1:33:44 Adam They don't care. They don't like you.

1:33:45 Drew They're just grateful.

1:33:46 Adam Yeah. Oh my God. Happy to be there. It's a real life chick. Oh, you're going to hold still? Let me have sex with you? This is great. Can I call the buddy? Oh, no, no, no. No, it's a stupid question. I have sex now, then I'll call him. Fine.

1:33:56 Drew Good.

1:33:56 Adam I'll put him on my speaker phone?

1:33:57 Drew Six nipples, fine. No, fine.

1:33:59 Adam Just hold still.

1:33:59 Drew Hold still.

1:34:00 Adam All right.

1:34:00 Drew All right.

1:34:01 Adam I'm done.

1:34:01 Drew Okay.

1:34:01 Adam Can I use the phone? We'll be back.

1:34:04 Drew Hello.

1:34:04 Caller This is your radio. Radio. Loveline will be right back. All right.

1:34:42 Adam Well, there you go. I want to thank Beth and Andrew for coming in here from Psycho Beach Party, everybody, out here at the Sunset 5 in Hollywood, and various select locations around the country. Again, www.psychobeachparty.com. Take that on your computer, figure it out, and then go see it. Drew, we'll talk to you tomorrow night from Chicago. We have a bunch of pro snowboarders in here, and I'm going to find out when the last time I got hit in the nuts. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. I think rape is a good thing.

1:35:18 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, August 27, 2000