Episode 1000754887119

1:37 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, coast to coast.

2:39 It's actually an indoor quarter pipe. So just half of a half pipe.

2:43 Adam Yeah. What do you do on a quarter pipe?

2:44 You just go up and fly up in the air and then come back down. So you're playing with vert a little bit differently than a half pipe.

2:51 Adam Where do you get the speed to do it, though?

2:53 Drop in in the stadium, like where the seating would be.

2:56 Adam Right.

2:56 And you just get all your speed from there. You come down to where it's flat. You got about 20 feet of flat and then a big 25 foot quarter pipe.

3:02 Adam It seems, I mean, for those of you who aren't from Los Angeles and don't follow basketball, the forum is obviously where the Lakers played for many, many years just to switch into the Staples Center last year or the year before. And it seems almost impossible to do something like this inside a basketball arena. Is it, it's like a takeoff ramp like what Evil Knievel used to use in the 70s when he'd do a jump like in the Kingdom or something where he'd have a long thin takeoff ramp and then hit the quarter pipe except for he just hit a bunch of buses and then they hit the hospital. But how wide is this thing? I mean, what are the chances of you sliding off the approach?

3:39 Really good. Actually, no, the approach is fine, but flying off the sides of the quarter pipe and stuff definitely happens because you have to go straight up and land on the vert and a lot of people fly that way or fly this way.

3:51 Adam For those of you who are listening radio, Jim pointed in front of him and then behind him.

3:57 Guest And depending on how big it is, a lot of the time these things are over 20 feet tall and so you're rolling into it going 30, 40 miles per hour trying to go 20 feet out on it.

4:08 Adam Somebody is going to get hurt.

4:09 Guest Yeah, it's definitely kind of stunt work. It's evil, Knievelish.

4:12 Adam Is this now and what are you sliding on? It's not ice. Is it ice?

4:17 Guest Yeah, it's chopped ice.

4:18 Adam It's chopped ice, which is sort of like snow, but doesn't eventually just get icy.

4:23 Guest It feels pretty similar. It's kind of like summer snow.

4:28 Adam And this goes on before the concert, during the concert, after the concert.

4:31 Guest They have three rounds to the contest, so we'll ride. And then they'll cut like they'll have 20 guys in the beginning, then they'll cut to eight. They'll show a band, then they'll have the eight ride, then they'll show another band, and then us again.

4:42 Adam And how much air do you figure someone will get on these things?

4:46 Guest Probably 25.

4:47 Adam Oh my god.

4:48 Guest You can pretty much go about as big as the quarter pipe is. So if it's a 25 foot quarter pipe, we'll be able to go between 25, maybe even 30 if someone really gets a good one.

4:56 Adam Is that normally the rule of thumb when it comes to snowboarding? You can get the height of the pipe?

5:01 Guest It's as big as the transition is. Yeah, that's our theory at least.

5:05 Adam Jim, by the way, was voted by a magazine to be most likely a snowboarder to die on the job. So you can look forward to that coming up in just a couple of weeks.

5:21 Drew Did you hit your nuts?

5:23 Adam All right, thank you.

5:24 Drew Sometimes.

5:25 Adam Drew is in Chicago because somebody dropped a nickel over there. I think it was last week. Drew just found out about it last night, so he hopped the first plane and he's over there chasing it. I think it's still rolling in the street. He allegedly is going to be on the air in our Chicago affiliate and on the air with us tonight. Soon we're having a little technical problem, but that's fine. We can operate without him because, as we all know from listening to the show, I am the star of this show. I am Major Adams to this wagon train. Joe?

6:00 Yeah.

6:01 Adam You're 16? What's up?

6:03 Caller Well, me and my girlfriend, we've been going out about a month and a half, I guess. I just need some ideas to move the relationship along. I mean, things are getting boring. Yeah. All right.

6:18 Adam Well, you may be done. I mean, if you got to sit around and think about ways to make a six-week relationship exciting, maybe it ain't there.

6:26 Caller Well, I mean, we've known each other a long time and I really like her. But, I mean, we've been good friends and it's just that we can't always get together when we want to.

6:38 Adam What are you saying, move it along, though? Do you see the kind of retards who call this show? What does that mean?

6:45 Caller Like to do stuff because, I mean, basically, like, what we've been doing is just going out with my brother and his girlfriend.

6:52 Adam All right. So are you saying, you're not saying you're bored, you're saying you want to have sex?

6:57 Caller No.

6:58 Adam You don't want to have sex?

7:00 Caller Well, I didn't say that.

7:01 Adam All right.

7:01 Guest Where do you want to move the relationship to? Like, what's the next step for you?

7:06 Caller I'm not sure of that right now.

7:08 Adam Okay. Well, then we're going to hang up on you. Listen, if me and the snowboarders can't help you, it can't be done. Listen, I'm not exactly sure what you're saying. I mean, you want to be closer? Is she holding back?

7:22 Caller No, she's not holding back. It's just that I need to know what I need to do to get closer.

7:31 Guest Do you guys talk at all? Do you know this girl as a person?

7:34 Adam Yeah. She admits to being your girlfriend?

7:38 Caller Yeah.

7:38 Adam You have sex?

7:39 Caller No.

7:40 Adam You don't have sex?

7:42 Caller No.

7:42 Adam Would you like to have sex?

7:44 Caller I don't know.

7:46 Adam Okay. Well, Joe, here's the deal.

7:48 Caller I don't know if I'm ready for that.

7:49 Adam All right. Well, you got to figure out what you want before you pursue it because you don't have an itinerary here.

7:55 Caller Right.

7:56 Guest You don't have a road map.

7:57 Adam Why don't you want sex?

7:59 Caller I'm not ready.

8:00 Guest All right.

8:01 Adam Well, what base have you gotten to with her?

8:05 Caller Depends on how you decline it.

8:08 Adam Okay. First base, making out. Now, you guys stop me if I'm wrong because it's been a while since I've been on the dime. First base is like kissing, right? Second base is like making out, feeling up top. Yep. Third base is like getting the hand down the pants. And home base is home base. And then, of course, the dugout, that's the back side. So what base have you gotten to, Joe? Second. Second base. All right. Well, why don't you see if you can stretch that into a triple and then see where that goes. All right.

8:41 Guest Buy her some flowers or something.

8:42 Adam And the next time you call, I'll have a question. Would you, please? Thank you. All right.

8:47 Guest Alex?

8:48 Yeah.

8:48 Adam You're 16.

8:49 Caller Yeah.

8:50 Guest What is up?

8:51 Caller This may sound like the dumbest question, but...

8:54 Adam No, the last one was the dumbest question we've ever had.

8:58 Caller Um, I have this girlfriend. I've been going out with her for a couple of weeks. Actually, like a month now. And I haven't kissed her yet. And it's because I don't know how to start the kiss.

9:13 Adam Right. You don't know, like, which way to turn your head and all that stuff? Yeah. Yeah. Because you're thinking about it too much. You know what I mean? That is natural function. It's like me trying to teach someone to take a crap or something. It just happens. But if you think about it too much, you'll get constipation.

9:33 Guest Yeah.

9:33 Adam I guess that's a horrible analogy. But you guys know what I'm saying?

9:36 Guest That was a perfect analogy.

9:37 Adam I was?

9:38 Guest It's something that just has to kind of happen. I mean, you can't force that. And when it's right and you're looking at each other's eyes and it's time to kiss, you're going to kiss and just go for it, man. Don't trip on how you're going to go in what side.

9:48 Guest And don't hold back either.

9:49 Guest Don't hold back. Just go for it.

9:50 Adam Right. On the other hand, don't go nuts with the tongue.

9:53 Guest Yeah. Easy.

9:53 Adam You don't want to be... She doesn't want to be kissing like a Labrador or something.

9:59 All right?

10:01 Guest But just do it.

10:02 Adam Don't think about it.

10:03 Guest If you guys haven't kissed, she's probably thinking the same thing.

10:05 Right.

10:05 Guest She's probably leaving it up to you to maybe make the first move. So she'll probably be happy that you do.

10:10 Adam And how do you know she's your girlfriend if you haven't even kissed?

10:18 Caller Well, we're going steady right now.

10:20 Adam How do you know?

10:23 Caller Because I said, do you want to be my girlfriend? I don't know.

10:28 Adam You did and she said yes. Yes.

10:30 Guest All right.

10:30 Adam You got to kiss her now, right?

10:32 Caller Yep.

10:33 Guest All right.

10:33 Adam And just don't think about it too much.

10:36 Guest Okay.

10:37 Adam A couple of wine coolers wouldn't hurt either. I got to be honest with you. I know you're 16. I shouldn't be telling you to drink, but it does cut the edge a little bit.

10:46 Caller Hey, it's too late for drinking.

10:48 Adam All right. Just move in and don't think about it. All right?

10:52 Guest Just go for it.

10:53 Adam Yeah. We get this question a lot, and I'm sure everyone goes through it. Usually not at 16, usually more like 12 or 13. But the point is you just do it. You just move in. I'm just going down the lines here. Oh, is Drew on the other line?

11:08 Drew Yes.

11:09 Adam Drew.

11:10 Drew Yes.

11:10 Adam What's happening?

11:11 Drew Oh, man.

11:13 Adam What's up?

11:14 Drew Well, technical problems.

11:15 Adam All right.

11:15 Drew Fine. How are you?

11:16 Adam Good.

11:16 Drew Although the thought of you teaching somebody to take a crap almost just, I don't know.

11:21 Adam Well, I'll tell you, if there was a school for it, I'd probably be a certified instructor.

11:26 Drew That's probably true.

11:26 Adam Be walking. It would be like a whole class of people sitting on toilets, and I'm walking by the clipboard. Nice, nice. Bobby, you're looking good. Tim, Cheryl, Cheryl, lean back a little. Too much weight. Too much weight on the kneecaps. You understand? You're pushing too hard.

11:41 Drew Oh, yeah.

11:43 Adam Yeah. You're trying too hard. All right. Sloppy Joe's for lunch. What's up there, Drew? You ready to go?

11:51 Drew Yeah, let's go.

11:52 Adam Hey, Drew, do you have a computer in front of you?

11:54 Drew I do.

11:55 Adam All right.

11:56 Drew I can't figure out how to put the calls up though. I can see what the calls are. I can't get the thing to go. Right.

12:02 Adam All right. Well, you just tell me the number, the line you want. I'll punch it. All right.

12:05 Drew Three. You're on with Stuart. He's 21.

12:07 Adam Stuart? Hello? What's up?

12:11 Caller Yeah. I had a sexual experience when I was 13, and I felt like I was taken advantage of. And it was with a guy who was a lot older than me. And I didn't think, like, 25.

12:33 Drew Yeah. Okay. That's rape, basically.

12:35 Adam Yeah. What happened?

12:41 Caller It wasn't anything like... I don't know. It wasn't...

12:47 Drew Well... It wasn't forceful of it. That doesn't mean it wasn't rape. It was still a rape. So what's the question about it?

12:52 Caller Well, okay. In the last...

12:55 Adam And by the way, to Drew, everything is rape. You bump into someone who's in front of you in line. That's rape. You understand? Your shopping cart hits someone else's shopping cart in the produce section.

13:07 Guest Rape.

13:09 Adam Yeah.

13:09 Drew But this has had an effect on you, and it was...

13:11 Adam No. It was 13 and 25.

13:13 Drew Unlawful sexual intercourse.

13:14 Adam Despicable.

13:15 Caller Okay. Well, okay. I guess my question is, in the last six months to a year, I've been dealing with my own sexuality a lot and questioning whether I might be gay, and I want to know if that's a contributing factor.

13:36 Adam Well, it didn't help, but by 13, Drew, don't you think this sort of sexual cement had dried by then?

13:42 Drew You would think, but then again, why was he a source for a victimizer? Why was he such a good victim at 13?

13:49 Adam Yeah. Why did you go along with this at 13?

13:55 Caller Well, I don't know, really.

13:58 Adam Who was this guy?

13:58 Drew Was he ever physically abused?

13:59 Caller What's that?

14:01 Adam Were you physically abused ever?

14:02 Caller No.

14:03 Adam Where was your dad?

14:05 Caller I wasn't living at home. Why not?

14:08 Adam Why not?

14:10 Caller Because it's kind of a complicated situation, but I wasn't living with my parents. I was basically in a boarding type situation.

14:20 Adam Okay. So things weren't great at home?

14:22 Caller Yeah.

14:23 Adam All right.

14:23 Drew What was the problem?

14:25 Caller My family split when I was young. But that wasn't the time.

14:33 Adam All right. Hold on a second. I got to talk to Drew. Hey, Drew.

14:36 Drew Yeah.

14:36 Adam It's Quaaludan Ether Night tonight.

14:39 Drew Oh, yeah.

14:40 Adam The last three calls has just been like, ugh.

14:43 Drew Yeah.

14:44 Adam What's going on at home? Well, my, it's like, come on.

14:49 Drew I don't know.

14:50 Adam Family. Yes. It's like, speed up that teleprompter. I mean, I feel bad for the guy, but we're trying to do a goddamn radio show here.

14:57 Drew Yeah.

14:58 Adam Stuart? Listen, don't question. Whatever your feelings are, those are your feelings. You like guys, you like guys.

15:06 Guest Okay?

15:08 Adam Okay.

15:09 Drew You may have had something to do with it forming those feelings, but at this point, those are your feelings.

15:13 Adam Those feelings are there. You may want to get a little therapy, talk to somebody, read a book, take a walk, something like that, because this-

15:19 Drew It may or may not change those feelings though.

15:21 Adam This was a traumatizing situation.

15:23 Drew Yeah. Okay.

15:24 Adam All right, Stuart. Don't freak out too much though. All right. The gay lifestyle is a better lifestyle. I've said it many times. I wish I was gay. I truly wish I was gay. Hanging out with your buddies. You know what I'm talking about? Living single, carefree, making good money, maybe owning a restaurant, something trendy, something like that. Driving around. All these other saps, driving around in minivans, you got yourself a smart convertible, looking good.

15:52 Guest Very nice.

15:53 Adam Dressing snappy, lots of shoes, big buckles on them, maybe a scarf or something.

15:58 Guest You still have to have sex with men. Yeah, see, that's where you draw the line.

16:03 Adam I know, I know. But I think-

16:04 Guest All the benefits just don't equal that.

16:06 Adam I think I've found a poop hole. I mean a loop hole. I think I can work around that. I've been thinking about that. And I'm still, I have a team of scientists working in my basement trying to figure out a loop hole around that. But other than that- Could be better. Other than that, it's a great life, right? You don't have a bunch of kids tugging at you. You travel all the time. I knew, I knew this gay couple, they had separate bedrooms. It was great.

16:33 Guest That's kind of a snuggly roommate or something, right?

16:37 Adam Yeah, they'd like bang away in the hall, and then they'd each go back to their own bed or something. They had their own beds. It was a great life. Drew, what a team we would make.

16:48 Drew Oh, boy.

16:48 Adam Imagine, we take our incomes, we put them together, all of a sudden, you don't have all those liabilities.

16:54 Drew My boyfriend would be literally a millionaire.

16:56 Adam Yeah, we're living in some kind of castle somewhere. We're both driving, not two-seaters, one-seat cars. Just one seat. We're that irresponsible. One each, right in the middle. Can you imagine that, Drew? None of those triplets, screaming and crying, all those. How much money you feel you've spent just in devices so your kids won't kill themselves before their 10th birthday?

17:21 Drew This week?

17:21 Adam Yeah, yeah, right. You've got fences in the middle of your house you're tripping into when you're going to the bathroom at night, right?

17:27 Drew Absolutely, absolutely.

17:28 Adam Yeah, you want to plug a blender in, you've got to go get a note from the power company. You've got to pop out a bunch of stuff. Combination locks. You try to open a kitchen cabinet, you can't get the thing open, you hide the booze, hide the porn. We'd have a big stack of porn right at the front door. You couldn't open the front door.

17:46 Drew Whoa, Adam, happy gay porn though, right?

17:48 Caller Oh, yeah, that's right.

17:50 Drew Oh, no, no.

17:51 Adam No, it wouldn't have to be gay.

17:52 Guest You could have a fetish for women.

17:53 Adam Yeah, that's right. I could be one of those weird gays who upsets the other gays by indulging in straight porn. That's right. Right.

18:01 Drew Yeah, but I get jealous.

18:04 Adam No, you'd be into it too.

18:06 Drew Okay, okay.

18:07 Adam You'd sit in your own room and watch your straight porn.

18:11 Drew Oh no, this sounds even better. Now if you just move aside while we're going, I can look at the porn. Perfect.

18:16 Adam Yeah, that's right. I won't be there. I'll be in my room.

18:19 Guest Are you kidding? Yeah, it's awesome.

18:20 Adam We got our own sports cars and VCRs in every room in the house. Seriously, Drew, me and you, income put together, carpooling.

18:28 Guest You guys make such a cute couple.

18:30 Adam Carpooling into work every night.

18:32 Drew What about Jimmy?

18:34 Adam Oh, I'd have to break the news to him. You don't say anything to that Jimmy.

18:39 Drew I won't say anything.

18:39 Adam He'll be very upset if he hears it from you.

18:42 Guest Yes.

18:43 Adam You wouldn't believe it. All right. Well, hey, he could join in too.

18:46 Guest See, that's the thing.

18:47 Adam No, no.

18:47 Guest You all have your own rooms.

18:49 Adam You know my feelings are for you, Drew. It's just Jimmy's, you know, he's funny. He makes me laugh. It's important.

18:55 Drew Okay.

18:56 Adam He does things you could never do for me.

18:59 Drew You can visit with your ex once in a while.

19:01 Adam All right. That sounds good.

19:02 Drew I trust you.

19:03 Adam All right. Laura?

19:04 Yes.

19:05 Adam You're 32.

19:06 Caller Yes, I am.

19:07 Adam I think you guys think I'm kidding about this gay lifestyle with Drew. The utopia.

19:11 I heard.

19:13 Adam All right. What's up there, Laura?

19:15 Well, my question is mainly for Dr. Drew, who's actually closer to my time zone.

19:20 Drew Where are you?

19:21 I'm in Ohio.

19:23 Drew I'm in your time zone, aren't I?

19:25 Well, you're an hour behind, I think.

19:27 Drew All right.

19:27 Adam Let's not dedicate the rest of the show to the time zone. What's up?

19:32 Drew What's going on?

19:34 Well, I had a question about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

19:38 Drew Right.

19:39 I heard you discuss it a couple of times on the show. And what I wanted to know is I'm still relatively new to the diagnosis. And I'm confused about the testosterone factor, how it supposedly is too much in your system.

20:00 Drew Right. That's part of it.

20:01 Adam We've gone from the frying pan into the boring fire here.

20:04 Drew Well, we're still talking about testosterone though, Adam. It's all right.

20:06 We're still on the male factor.

20:08 Adam Let's just power through this one, Drew. Come on.

20:11 Drew The main thing, Lauren, the big sort of push towards diagnosing Polycystic Ovarian Disease is to make sure that you have proper screening for diabetes, that this disease is associated with insulin. You have diabetes? Yep. Or at least the precursor. It's associated with insulin resistance. And are you overweight too?

20:29 Oh, yeah. I think that's probably what caused it.

20:32 Adam Maybe you two can hook up while he's over there.

20:35 Drew That's part of the Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, the weight excess and the insulin resistance and all. This is all part of this syndrome, and it has different manifestations of different people. But again, they'll probably put you on some glucophage and they will have you specialize your diet and they will have you exercise and try to lose some weight and things.

20:51 Adam Drew, and that's staying good shape for you, buddy. We'd have like a nutritionist and a trainer who would come over to the house.

21:00 Drew I'm getting strangely sort of thrilled about this.

21:03 Adam It's starting to sound like a good life, right? We wouldn't need kids' rooms. We'd have gyms and like...

21:09 Drew Boxing rooms?

21:10 Adam Oh, we'd have like a heavy bag hanging in the living room.

21:13 Drew Oh my god.

21:14 Adam Maybe we set up a quarter pipe and have the guys come over and do a little something on the snowboard. It'd be one big party, one huge party.

21:22 Guest Party the hippest couple on the block.

21:24 Adam Oh my god, Drew. Really, seriously. Give it some thought. We'll send a little stipend to Susan and the kids just to keep them afloat. Set them up maybe to a two bedroom apartment in Van Nuys or something. You shell out 800 a month. I put in like 250, 275. Just keep their heads above water.

21:41 Drew My boyfriend, literally a millionaire.

21:43 Adam That's right. Could you imagine? We'd be on the cover. We'd be bigger than Anne Hayes and Ellen. We'd be huge. Imagine the publicity. We'd spin it off into a daytime talk show. Drew, I really want you to give this some consideration.

22:00 Guest All right?

22:02 Adam Don't talk.

22:03 Guest Shh.

22:04 Adam Don't talk right now. I just want to look at you.

22:08 Guest All right.

22:09 Adam Where are we going? We're going to break?

22:12 Drew If you say so.

22:12 Adam Oh, boy. You're flustered. You're going to have to. Are you fanning yourself right now?

22:18 Drew I mean, Adam?

22:19 Adam Yes. We'll go to a break.

22:20 Guest All right?

22:22 Drew Yeah.

22:22 Adam OK. When we come back, who are we going to talk to?

22:25 Drew Let's talk to Corey on line two.

22:28 Adam Corey is 13 years old. The father is impotent. Jesus Christ, as you know, wants to know if it's hereditary. Hold on a second. Corey?

22:38 Caller Yeah.

22:38 Adam Drew, that would never happen to me, by the way. How do you know your father's impotent?

22:42 Caller Oh, I kind of found a bottle of Viagra in his drawer.

22:46 Adam All right. That don't mean he's impotent, but hold on a second there, Corey.

22:51 Caller All right.

22:51 Adam How many did you take? Imagine being 13. At 13, you whack off 19 times a day anyway. Imagine Corey on a Viagra in a liter of Mountain Dew, home alone with the VCR on a snow day from school. His mom would come home from work and open the front door, and just a big avalanche of semen would come out and just wash her down the street.

23:19 Guest Damn it, kid. Get out of the drugs.

23:21 Adam All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll come back with a little bit about snowboarding and concerts and Corey and erectile difficulties all after this. This is Loveline, I'm Adam Parola. That is Dr. Drew over there in Chicago. So far, so good. Rob Kingwell and Jim Rippey are both here. Both professional snowboarders. Jim rides for Burton, and Rob rides for Nike. I didn't even know Nike made snowboards.

24:22 Guest They don't make snowboards.

24:23 Adam Oh, they don't?

24:24 Guest They make snowboarding clothes, eyewear, all that other stuff, everything but the snowboards.

24:29 Adam It's only a matter of time before they do that, right? I got a snowboard, Sean Palmer gave me a snowboard two years ago. I still haven't gotten on it because everyone gets hurt doing this. Every time I talk to someone who's walking with a limp, even people in the 70s who look like veterans of World War II, snowboarding.

24:51 Guest You got to pay to play.

24:53 Adam I know. Everyone falls on their ass, and I'm just not prepared to do that. I can't go through that break-in. It's like, to me, it'd be like learning to play the clarinet. You know, I'm past it. The window's closed. I can't suck for that long.

25:08 Guest Drew?

25:09 Drew Cory's on.

25:10 Adam You ever been snowboarding?

25:12 Drew Never.

25:12 Caller I haven't.

25:13 Adam You ski, though, right?

25:15 Caller No, I don't really ski.

25:15 Drew Absolutely.

25:16 Adam Not you, Cory. You're 13, you're a fresh-punk kid. What do you know from snowboarding?

25:20 Drew Absolutely, I do. Ski.

25:22 Adam Cory? Yeah. So you found your dad's Viagra. And you're assuming he has the erectile problems.

25:30 Yeah, that's what I'm assuming.

25:31 Adam How old?

25:32 Drew Does he have any medical problems?

25:36 One thing like one eating disorder or something.

25:39 Drew What?

25:40 Adam What's he do?

25:41 Caller I don't remember.

25:42 Drew I don't know.

25:43 Adam Waif model?

25:44 Drew Is he on medication?

25:47 Caller Yeah, some.

25:48 Caller Let's see.

25:49 Adam What else did you find in his drawer?

25:52 It was like, it wasn't even a drawer with like drugs and stuff.

25:58 Adam What kind of eating disorder does he have?

26:00 Caller I don't really remember.

26:01 Something like...

26:04 Adam Is he a fat guy?

26:06 He's big, but he's tall and stuff.

26:08 Adam Okay, well don't mess with him then. He's going to kick your ass.

26:11 Drew Yeah, he may be taking medication for something else that you're not aware of like high blood pressure and sometimes that can screw around with your libido or your rectal function. Or maybe he's just using... Some people will screw around with Viagra and use it recreationally, which can be quite dangerous.

26:23 Adam Yeah, I snorted some before the show.

26:26 Drew Beautiful. You told me you would never do that again.

26:29 Guest Put it away.

26:30 Caller A minute.

26:32 Adam Yeah, hey Cory, don't worry about it. All right, Drew, go ahead.

26:34 Drew What with the Viagra? No, he's worried about whether or not it's hereditary. No, absolutely not. It's usually, in most males, it's actually part of a medical syndrome.

26:45 Adam So they have some sort of problem. Sarah, you're 17. What's up?

26:51 Caller About a week ago, I had sex with a guy, and he pulled out before he ejaculated. But I've heard about pre-cum, and I just wanted to know what are the chances of getting pregnant off that?

27:07 Adam You know what post-cum is, by the way? It's pee. It's urine. I've had that before. Yeah. Chicks don't like that. Won't get them pregnant. They still don't like it.

27:18 Drew Sarah, look, you can get pregnant from it. What difference to make what the exact probabilities are? You can. You should be taking the morning after pill if you've had that kind of contact. How long will this happen?

27:31 Adam What? All right. Hold on. Hey, Drew, let me talk to you for a second. Now, I know you're in Chicago, and it's always a pain in the ass when you're not in the studio because we talk simultaneously because we don't look at each other, and we don't know when each other is going to speak, right? But what's up with the callers tonight? Why are they having such difficulty? Is it just me? Do you know what I'm saying? Here we go. We're talking at the same time again.

27:56 Guest Stop it.

27:59 Adam So what are you going to tell Sarah? Go.

28:01 Drew Just that she should take the morning after pill if she has a three-day window with which to get that, and if she had that contact within that three-day window, she ought to get the morning after pill, that's all. And she has to, of course, get pregnant. That's why you've got to use condoms. You've got to use birth control.

28:15 Adam All right. Let me just plug the event one more time because I didn't do it coming back from break. Saturday, September 9th. And listen, I'm old and a geek, and this sounds pretty cool to me. Eminem, Cotton Mouth Kings and Mix Master Mike and a quarter pipe, which is almost as good as a bong in snowboarding lingo, is going to be there in a big takeoff ramp and guys getting tons of air all indoors in the forum. I would not miss this. Doors open at 630 tickets or 25 bucks. But if you break it down into what you're getting, it's like 45 cents per unit of entertainment.

28:54 Guest It's definitely going to be an entertaining event. You got some of the biggest superstars in snowboarding showing up.

28:59 Adam Oh, my God.

29:00 Guest It's the first ever indoor snowboarding event in America.

29:03 Adam Eminem, Cotton Mouth Kings, snowboard. What percentage of that audience you figure will be stoned? 108%, 109?

29:11 Guest Tough to say.

29:12 Adam Tough to say.

29:13 Guest Depends on the night.

29:14 Adam Angela?

29:15 Yeah. Hi.

29:16 Adam Hi. You're 16. What's up?

29:18 Caller Yeah. Saturday night, I had unprotected sex. And so I called Planned Parenthood. And today, I went and got the morning after pill.

29:28 Guest Yeah.

29:28 Caller Thanks to Loveline.

29:30 Guest Good.

29:31 Caller Fantastic. And drdrew.com. Anyway, but so I'm getting like horrible cramps. So I don't know if I should take the second dose or not. But it also-

29:43 Drew Any nausea?

29:45 Caller Yeah. Well, it also could be because today I haven't smoked at all because I wanted it to work. And I'm like, you know, I smoke like a pack a day. And the other thing is that-

29:57 Adam Jeez, Angela, you're 16. I'd like to see up around two packs if that's possible. Just a pack, huh? I mean, anyone can have a tough day, but I'd like to see you get back up around a pack and a half, two packs in the next few weeks.

30:10 Caller Okay.

30:11 Adam Okay.

30:11 Caller And the next thing is that- She believed you. The other possibility is that the majority of it- Like I have an eating disorder, so I throw up my food a lot. And I didn't do that today either because I didn't want to throw up a pill, you know?

30:27 Drew Yeah. I think that's more to do with what's going on here. Did they give you prevent or Plan B?

30:32 Caller Plan B.

30:34 Drew Okay. Plan B shouldn't really make you sick, so-

30:37 Adam Hold on. This pill's been the- It's been the best day of her life.

30:40 Drew She just added-

30:41 Adam She had it a week through her life. She hasn't vomited or smoked a pack of cigarettes. It's great. You gotta take this pill more often, Angela.

30:47 Caller Yeah.

30:48 Adam Angela, what is up with you, honey? I can hear it in your voice.

30:52 Caller Oh, no. Nothing is wrong with me.

30:53 Adam Everything's good? You're just 16, smoking a pack, doing some vomiting. Everything's cool?

30:58 Caller Yeah, I'm enjoying life, though. Like, seriously.

31:00 Adam Sure. Oh, yes. You're getting the most out of it. You're seizing life. You have life by the tail. Why not? Please. You have an eating disorder? You're smoking a pack a day? You're 16. What's up?

31:12 Caller Well, hey, life's life. You gotta do what you gotta do.

31:16 Adam Hold on a second. I gotta grab my scratch pad. You're gonna drop Jim's like that. Let's see. Life is you gotta do. How that one goes?

31:23 Drew Life's life.

31:25 Adam Slow down. Three lives? Life's life's life or just life's life?

31:29 Caller Life's life.

31:30 Guest Life's better if you take care of your body a little better, sounds like.

31:32 Caller I know. I plan on it. I'm going to.

31:35 Guest Why don't you use this as a start?

31:36 Caller I just want to try E and then I'll be all done.

31:38 Adam All right.

31:39 Guest Hold on.

31:40 Adam Slow down a little, Plato. Life's life and what was the other one? You gotta do what you gotta do. All right.

31:49 Drew Take the next dose of Plan B. Please don't miss that next dose. OK, we don't need the morning.

31:54 Caller So hopefully I'll take it.

31:55 Drew I'll take it. Don't we don't need child rearing. That's not part of your life's life yet.

32:00 Adam I don't want you raising a hamster.

32:02 Caller There's no way I want to have a good go.

32:04 Drew Make sure it happens. Hey, set your alarm.

32:07 Adam Can you go lesbian?

32:09 Caller I've done that.

32:10 I don't know.

32:11 Adam Where's your where's your dad? I'd like to lock him up.

32:15 Caller My dad's at home. No, I'm like over everything, all my triumphs in life. I'm like set to go.

32:22 Adam What happened? What happened to you?

32:25 Caller I don't know. Excuse me. I'm sorry.

32:28 Adam All right. But seriously, were you traumatized at some point in life?

32:33 Caller Yeah.

32:34 Adam Something, right?

32:35 Drew Yeah.

32:36 Adam All right.

32:37 Caller Sir, everybody's traumatized.

32:38 Adam Yeah, but not like you. Well, hey, Drew, let me tell you what. Let me tell you what.

32:45 Caller I'm OK now.

32:46 Adam You know, Drew was traumatized as a youth. His ascot did not match his hanky in his Navy blazer.

32:54 Drew And then Adam's grandma missed a football game, popcorn and football game.

32:58 Guest How dare you, Drew?

33:00 Drew How dare you come back with that? That was your trauma. I'm sorry to bring it up, honey.

33:04 Adam Listen, we're going to be living together. We can't be taking shots at each other verbally constantly.

33:09 Drew Save it for the therapist's office.

33:11 Adam Let's just make up. All right.

33:13 Guest All right.

33:14 Adam I don't want to have to give you a little time out.

33:16 Guest All right.

33:17 Adam Whatever it is, Angela, hit the therapist and read some books and take care of yourself, honey. And the whole X and the cigarettes and the vomiting is probably not a great start for the young age of 16. Drew?

33:31 Guest Eric?

33:32 Yeah.

33:33 Adam You're 17 years old. What's up?

33:37 I was listening Friday to y'all's show. I heard Dr. Drew say something about blackouts and having to do with alcoholism.

33:47 Drew Yeah, blackouts suggest that you probably have that disease. If you have a family history of alcoholism and you're blacking out and you're young, that's the beginning of that disease.

33:56 Yeah. I just found out recently that my uncle is an alcoholic.

34:01 Drew There you go.

34:02 Adam All right. Why? Have you blacked out, Eric? Yeah. Now, a lot of people think blacking out means passing out, but it really just means doing stuff while you're awake and not knowing.

34:12 Yeah. I know. It's like a party this summer. I was drinking and I don't remember half the stuff that I did that night.

34:21 Adam Yeah. Well, that does happen.

34:24 Drew But that's a blackout. The manner which alcoholics drink tends to predispose to a blackout. So that's a sign that you probably have that disease. Then the other risk factor there obviously is your family history. So, it's a good chance that's what's going on. Here's the beginning of that disorder.

34:37 Adam My, I had a few friends who did this when I was growing up. And, you know, I didn't know what it was. But my friend Rudy, we went to Tijuana with this cat. And he just went, he went completely insane for hours and hours and hours. I mean, he was like a delusional. He wanted to go. I mean, is this, is this part of this, Drew?

34:58 Drew No, that's actually a toxic psych. Yeah, you get toxic depressions or toxic psychoses. Sometimes with blackout, sometimes not. Blackout just means that your information is not going from short term to long term. You don't know what you've done.

35:10 Adam He had some sort of toxic reaction. And another time he got drunk, he was at USC. That's your alma mater, right, Drew?

35:17 Drew Yeah.

35:18 Adam He took a cramp on the coffee table of his dorm room. His roommate had him arrested and he woke up shackled to a hospital bed. So that was just sort of bizarre behavior. But here's the thing.

35:28 Guest It makes a good story, though.

35:30 Adam Oh, yeah. Sure. He can tell it now. Wait till his kids find out. It'll be great. Here's the thing that is most bizarre about Rudy completely freaking out in Tijuana. We used to go to stay with our friends in San Diego. We went to San Diego State, which is really... San Diego State is a four-year junior college. Maybe worse academically. People go there, they lie in the sun, they smoke weed, then they go to Tijuana on the weekend and get loaded and stagger back to their apartments. I mean, never let your kid go to that school. Never. You think they're learning something? They're learning how to get high and buy pinatas and plaster of Paris ETs with Prussian helmets from guys at the border. We used to go to stay with our friends in San Diego State, and what a surprise, these people weren't geniuses. They liked to party as much as we did. We'd all hop in a car, we'd drive into TJ, we'd party there all night, and then we'd drive back to San Diego, which is about a half-hour ride, and stay in someone's dorm room. Rudy, and here's the scariest part about this whole thing, when we were coming back from Tijuana, we decided that he was in the best condition to drive, out of all the people.

36:43 Drew Nice.

36:44 Adam That ain't, I mean, that is messed up. That's back when drinking and driving was cool, though, by the way, kids. I don't condone that anymore. This is in the late, mid 40s. And anyway, then later on, he went on a sort of psychotic episode where he ran up and down the dorms and banged on everyone's room and yelled, we got to go back into Tijuana and get the men out and all this kind of stuff. And it was big. He ended up sleeping underneath his car on the street. But it was great. It was great. And others, it just keeps going and going and going. I stayed in another dorm. They called me at like four in the morning and told me to control my friend. I hung the phone up and went back to bed. And when I showed up and saw the aftermath the next morning, I was, people were upset at me for bringing him, I guess is the short way of putting it.

37:33 Guest What's Rudy up to now?

37:35 Adam Rudy.

37:36 Drew He's a placement.

37:36 Adam Rudy doesn't, Rudy and I don't talk anymore because he went to Germany about 15 years ago and I told him to buy me a pair of laterhosen. And he came back with some long leather pants that weren't laterhosen and he wanted his 80 bucks. And I was like, those aren't laterhosen, those are leather pants. And he's like, give me my 80 bucks. I'm like, I'm not paying you 80 bucks for leather pants. I wanted laterhosen. And that was it. Hey, Drew, that's never going to happen to us, baby.

38:13 Drew I was just thinking that. That's why we're going to have a therapist.

38:15 Adam We'll go to Germany together with our therapist.

38:18 Drew We will be cute and laterhosen together.

38:19 Guest We can both wear leather pants. That's right.

38:22 Drew No, laterhosen.

38:23 Adam Yeah, yeah, laterhosen, not leather pants, even though I think the literal transition is leather pants.

38:30 Drew That's right.

38:31 Adam Well, he spoke German. Maybe he was confused. He heard leather pants. All right. Oh my God. When he passes der Wiener Schnitzel, imagine what's going through his mind. We'll take a, it's not picture and corndogs, I'm sure. We'll take a little break. When we come back, who are we going to talk to?

38:47 Drew Danielle, my one.

38:48 Adam Danielle is 17, has had sex several times and has never reached an orgasm. Wants to know how to change that? We'll tell her all about the tub after this.

39:00 Hello? Is this Loveline?

39:02 Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

39:44 Adam Meet his loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Tony Hawk will be in here tomorrow night. Always fun to see him. Very nice guy, as well as one hell of a skateboarder. Rob Kingwell and Jim Rippey are both here tonight, both professional snowboarders. Both gonna be out at the Los Angeles Forum on the 9th, I believe it is. Yeah, Saturday, September 9th. 630 doors open, tickets 25 bucks, M&M, Cotton Mouth Kings, Mixed Master Mike and a quarter pipe with a long takeoff ramp and just lots of good times for the whole family. I really still don't know how they're gonna pull this off, but they've figured out a way to stuff things that took place outdoors in different seasons indoors now.

40:37 Guest Tons and tons of ice constantly being chipped in the quarter pipe, constantly being maintained is the only way they ever pull it off.

40:44 Adam And is there some sort of freezing element that's in the quarter pipe itself?

40:50 Guest It's just a structure, yeah, just a structure. And then they blow it on there. They put it into like a chipper, like a wood chipper.

40:55 Adam Right.

40:55 Guest Just blow it on there and then start packing it. It takes a ton of work. Takes like maybe three days.

40:59 Adam And every so often they have to blow some more on there.

41:02 Guest You have to maintain it. Like when the bands will be playing, they'll be fixing the quarter pipe, trying to make it as good as it can be.

41:07 Adam Right. And who's going to do the judging? I mean, how do you know who's going to win this thing?

41:13 Guest There's three judges. They just pick like random people. It's kind of funny.

41:17 Adam Well, are they guys who work, you know, Snowboarder magazine?

41:21 Guest Exactly.

41:21 Guest Hopefully.

41:22 Adam But they always have like one gay designer in there.

41:25 Guest Oh, yeah.

41:26 Adam Just like they do on the fashion shows.

41:27 Guest He checks out your clothing design.

41:29 Fill that space.

41:30 Guest Make sure you're color coordinated as you drop in.

41:33 Adam Danielle. Danielle.

41:36 Caller Hello.

41:37 Adam You're 17.

41:38 Caller Yes, I am.

41:38 Adam What's up?

41:39 Caller Yeah, I've had sex a lot, you know, because I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we've been doing it for about, I would say, two years, and I've never, ever, ever had an orgasm, ever. And I want to know how I can get one.

41:52 Adam He's listening to the radio driving home. He's now driving off the freeway overpass. He's going in oncoming traffic. Does he know this?

42:01 Caller No.

42:03 Adam Have you been faking for him?

42:05 Caller Yeah.

42:06 Adam Oh, this poor son of a bitch.

42:08 Guest He's, yeah.

42:09 Guest You gotta let him know. You gotta stop faking and let him know, first of all.

42:12 Caller It would crush him.

42:13 Adam Yeah. It's too late.

42:15 Guest You gotta give him a little coaching.

42:17 Adam Yeah.

42:17 Drew Remember how we did this? So we were going to say, hey, something's not right with me right now. Maybe you need to do a little of this, a little bit of that. Don't come out and say, hey, I've been faking all this time. Just sort of say, I don't know what the matter is, but things aren't happening right now. Maybe you try this, try that. But of course, you know, at your age, Danielle, it's sort of, it might even be unrealistic. Unless you can figure out a way to masturbate and sort of master this on your own.

42:38 Adam So how is he in the oral sex department? He's okay.

42:43 Caller He's pretty good.

42:44 Adam Yeah. You think that might be the way to go?

42:47 Caller Well, I guess.

42:48 Caller I don't know.

42:49 Adam Well, there's just a higher percentage of you having one via oral sex than there is via intercourse. You know what I'm saying?

42:55 Caller That means forever. I'm like, I can't really ignore that.

42:58 Drew Is Ann there tonight to give her a little talking to?

43:00 Adam Yeah. Ann is here. Ann, belly up to that mic and let's hear from the experts.

43:10 Guest Somebody knows what they're talking about. Talk about this.

43:11 Adam Yeah. What do you think? First off, Ann, would you tell him that you're faking these two years?

43:18 Guest Absolutely not.

43:19 Adam Good. That is the voice of reason. Secondly, what should she do?

43:25 Guest Has she tried masturbating?

43:26 Caller Yeah, I have. I can get one like that.

43:30 Adam Oh, like that?

43:32 Caller Yeah.

43:32 Adam Oh, now he's really killing himself in this.

43:35 Caller Well, what do you do to masturbate?

43:37 Caller Just rubbing, not really inside, just rubbing. I can definitely get one like that.

43:44 Drew Can you show him what you're doing or have him watch you?

43:49 Caller I guess, yeah.

43:51 Adam Well, Danielle, why don't we just do the math? You can have an orgasm on your own through doing a certain technique. Why don't you just have him do that technique, and then you'll get to have an orgasm with him?

44:03 Caller All right.

44:05 Drew There you go.

44:06 Caller Okay. Thank you.

44:07 Adam All right. Why is it, Drew, our listeners can make sound advice be so unsatisfying?

44:15 Drew Yeah.

44:15 Adam I mean, 90 percent of these calls end with me going, and why don't you just do that? Here's the response, I guess.

44:28 Drew No, no. It's more like, yeah, okay.

44:30 Guest Yeah.

44:31 Adam Okay. Yeah. There's never been anything less satisfying than this job, really. It'd be like working in some information center at a hotel and having someone say, where's the best pizza in town? And you're going, oh, Tony's. It's right on the corner of Fifth and Elm. You're going to love this place. And every response you got was, okay. All right. If you say so. It's like, would you want to kill yourself at a certain point? I mean, listen, what else can we say? She's not having an orgasm with the guy. She can easily have one herself through just a little bit of rubbing. Let him do a little bit of rubbing. Alex?

45:08 Guest There you go.

45:09 Caller Hi.

45:10 Adam You're 15. What's up?

45:11 Caller Okay.

45:13 Caller Okay, okay, okay.

45:14 Caller This is weird.

45:15 Caller Thing on the radio.

45:16 Caller Okay.

45:17 Caller My friends, like, all say, oh, you should do Ecstasy.

45:20 Caller Yeah, you should do it.

45:20 Caller It won't kill you.

45:21 Caller They say if you take more than one pill, it can kill you. So will just an overdose kill me?

45:26 Caller So if I try it, it won't kill me.

45:28 Drew No, it's not a deadly drug.

45:31 Adam Although people have OD'd on it.

45:33 Guest You can get stuff that's not Ecstasy.

45:35 Adam Right.

45:35 Drew The problem with it is not its overdose potential. It's that it's well known to be a brain-damaging chemical. It damages the serotonin cells in the brain that are responsible for maintaining your mood.

45:47 Adam All right.

45:47 Drew But she's a jerk.

45:48 Adam What does she need her brain for?

45:50 Drew And even after a single exposure, you can end up with permanent mood problems. There's now a list of neuropsychiatric syndromes associated with even nominal Ecstasy exposure, especially at a young age like you, that is as long as my arm. It's just all kinds of things are being reported now. Mostly, it's in people have used at least 10 times. But it can be after one exposure and certainly one large exposure. So the problem is not over. Overdose is rather uncommon with that drug, though there are some seizures and hyperthermia and things. But the main thing is these chronic, chronic neuropsychiatric problems that develop from it. They may not develop and they don't even begin until 10 years after you used it.

46:26 Caller Well, I can try it, right?

46:29 It won't kill me.

46:30 Adam That's what Drew is saying.

46:31 Guest 10 years from now, you might have problems.

46:33 Adam Drew said fine. What you heard from Drew is a big green light, a thumbs up, an endorsement.

46:39 Well, I don't know.

46:41 Guest I don't know if-

46:41 Drew Alex.

46:42 Yeah?

46:42 Adam Hey, hey, hold on a second. Remember what I said about Alex not needing her brain?

46:46 Drew Yeah.

46:46 Adam What's she doing?

46:47 Huh?

46:48 Adam What's she going to do? Invent something?

46:50 Drew Yeah, but it's not the cognitive issue. It's the fact that she's going to be miserable for decades.

46:54 Adam So she's a little depressed. You're not living with her. We're living together, buddy. No more of these troublesome women holding us back. We're free. Finally free. Free, I tell you, free.

47:05 Guest Alex, it can't hurt you. There's evidence that from the people back, been using it for years and years when back when it was called Adam, that Dr. Drew said clearly that they have a list of problems that people have started to encounter with this, and if you use it, even once, you might have a problem and might regret it for the rest of your life.

47:26 Adam All right.

47:27 Caller I just don't want to die.

47:29 Adam Oh my God.

47:30 Guest Hey, honey.

47:30 Drew You may wish you had.

47:31 Guest Hey.

47:32 Caller Yeah.

47:33 Adam What's going on with you? How did you get so stupid?

47:36 Caller Everyone's telling me how great it is and how it feels so good.

47:39 Guest All right.

47:40 Adam Listen. I'm sure it does. Hold on a second. Earth to TARD.

47:43 Guest Earth to TARD.

47:44 Adam Come in. Are you there? Yeah.

47:46 Guest Okay. Good.

47:50 Adam Before our transmission breaks up, let me tell you this. And I haven't given this speech in a number of months, Drew, and I think it's time for me to give it again.

47:58 Guest All right?

47:58 Drew I'm ready.

47:59 Adam People hate this speech, but it is the goddamn truth. Here's the deal. Brains come in all different strengths. You know what I mean? They're like extra strength, medium strength, and then there's a sort of, there's the low dosage strength. All right? They call it IQ. We all know these people. We know some people that are somewhere in the 80s or 90s, and we know the people that are up 155, 160. Here's the deal. When you do a lot of drugs, it knocks you down a little bit, knocks your IQ down a little, dulls you down, slows you down a little bit. So if you're up around 150 and you do a lot of drugs and you get knocked down to 135, hey, you're still smarter than the rest of the pack. Not as smart as you could have been, but fine, you're not having any trouble. When you're someone like our last caller, and you're barely cracking the triple digits, I mean, you're around 97, 98, maybe on a good day with the wind at your back, you're up 101, maybe 101. You start messing with stuff and now you're retarded. You go from stupid to retarded, and there's a lot of people that are hovering right there. All right. We got to take ourselves a little break. I'm running a little bit late.

49:14 Drew You're so smart, Adam.

49:15 Adam Thank you.

49:16 Drew My boyfriend, literally a millionaire.

49:18 Adam Drew, you're getting a rim job and a felching when you get back. After this. Eve Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew. He is out at Q101 in Chicago, right, Drew?

50:12 Drew That's Ram.

50:13 Adam That's one of our favorite and oldest affiliates. You there in the mercantile building?

50:19 Drew Merchandise Mart.

50:20 Adam Oh, Merchandise Mart, I always screw that up.

50:21 Drew We always call it the mercantile, yeah, yeah.

50:23 Guest Yeah.

50:25 Drew Yeah, spent the obligatory 20 minutes talking my way in through security.

50:28 Adam In the elevator. You know what I like about security? Security has two modes. Either everyone gets in or nobody gets in. You know what I'm talking about? There's a security guard who just like, go on by, he's not looking, he's not paying attention, he's talking on his cell phone to his old lady, and everyone gets in, in which case he's no good. Or there's a security that lets nobody in. But it's one or the other. And the idea of security is to let a few select people get in. Like Drew, how many times have we been doing some, there's been some concert or something, and we're supposed to go on stage and announce some band, and we can't get on stage?

51:08 Drew Every time.

51:09 Adam Every time. Every single time. See, in that case, they're on nobody mode. And then there are other times when we're doing things and we're being mobbed by people when they're on let everyone in mode. But all you security guards, listen, you have to be selective. There's certain people who do like radio shows and announce bands and things like that. They can go on stage or behind the mic. And then there's other like crazed people who can't. Maybe I should really, I should give these people a talking to. So you blew one of them and got up the elevator and you're in a fabulous Q101, right?

51:48 Drew Yeah.

51:49 Adam All right.

51:49 Drew What a great town.

51:50 Adam Rob Kingwell and Jim Rippey are both here, both professional snowboarders, both going to be out at the Forum on the 9th. That is a Saturday, 630, for big snowboarding and concert. Eminem, Cotton Mouth Kings, Mix Master Mike, all that even without the snowboarding being an event enough. But now we got guys going down a long takeoff ramp onto a quarter pipe and getting upwards of 20 feet of air. And what an event. A feast for the senses. This, sorry, not this Saturday, in a couple of Saturdays, September 9th at the Los Angeles Forum. All right, Drew, ready to roll here? Also, Tony Hawk tomorrow night. Craig?

52:33 Drew Craig.

52:33 Yeah, what's up, guys?

52:34 Adam You're 23, what's happening?

52:36 Caller Man, I noticed about two years ago, whenever I would masturbate, I started getting cramps in my hand, and they gradually got worse and worse up until about a year ago. I finally had a seizure.

52:48 Adam In your hand?

52:50 Caller Well, it started in my hand as a petite seizure, and then progressed to a grand mal seizure. Wow. It's the only one I've ever had.

52:57 Adam Pulled your junk right off, huh?

52:58 Caller Yeah. It's the only one I ever had. I've been to a neurologist, they put me on meds, had an MRI, ECG, all that, and everything came up negative. Now, it's coming around time where I got to go back to the neurologist. I haven't told the doctor anything about that part of it, because it would be on sclerosis.

53:17 Drew That it came on during masturbation?

53:19 Adam It's a good story, yeah.

53:19 Caller It came on during masturbation.

53:21 Drew But I'm not sure that's important, frankly.

53:23 Adam Well, I think it's very relevant.

53:25 Caller But I still have the cramps in my hand every once in a while when I masturbate.

53:30 Adam Yeah.

53:30 Guest Can you switch hands?

53:31 Guest Yeah, use the other hand.

53:32 Caller Well, I do that sometimes, too.

53:35 Guest Do you get cramps in your other hand?

53:36 Caller No, not in the other hand, just in the one.

53:39 Drew Is it cramps, or is it when you hold your hand in a fixed position you can't release the muscle?

53:45 Caller Exactly. That's it.

53:47 Drew There's something called myotonic dystrophy. So that is relevant to your neurologist, that you tell him when you hold your hand in like a fist, you can't release it. You tell him that.

53:57 Caller Well, but when I hold like a fist for a long time, it doesn't do it.

54:02 Adam Well, tell him like when you hold a mop handle in your hand.

54:05 Drew Baseball bat.

54:06 Adam You make a fist on it.

54:07 Guest Yeah, tell him you ride motorcycles. This has ever happened. You can't take your hand off the handlebars.

54:11 Adam Right, that's good.

54:11 Guest Because that does happen.

54:12 Adam Yeah, right. Someone has to peel your hand off it.

54:16 Drew Tell him that. That might be of use to him. It's something worth looking into anyway. And there's some endocrine disturbances, calcium metabolism problems, that kind of thing. You don't take anything else, any supplements or medication otherwise, do you?

54:26 Caller No, nothing at all.

54:28 Drew You don't drink a lot?

54:29 Caller No, nothing out of the ordinary. Other than that, I've been perfectly healthy.

54:34 Adam How often are you beaten off?

54:36 Caller At least once or twice a day.

54:37 Adam Yeah, all right.

54:38 Drew Did you faint before you had the seizure?

54:40 Caller No, I was awake when it started. My hand cramped, and then my arm started to cramp, and then that's when I blacked out.

54:46 Adam I got a calf cramp once when I was whacking off, because I like to point my toes. Sometimes I had to go to that toe point thing, and then the calf cramped right up. I had to walk it off. It was tough. That was at work, so it was a little embarrassing to walk around my pants, around my ankles. Hey, all right. Hey, listen, all you guys out there, I was just thinking about when he was talking about the hand cramp, and I was thinking about when I had my hand surgery like a year ago, and how my left hand is basically, it's coming undone slowly, Drew. Yeah. I'm starting to realize, like, I think I'm getting my corporal tunnel syndrome or something. My wrist kind of hurts, and my knuckles, so, like, you guys see my knuckle, and see, it's like kind of all, like, wait, I'll show you my other one. See, this one's kind of normal.

55:34 Guest It's got a bump.

55:35 Adam It's getting, like, all screwed up. And I'm realizing this hand is not going to work that well for that many years. You know what I'm saying? So, I'm going to have to switch or grow a tail or something. I'm going to have to break it up. I'm going to have to start working my other hand because I'm left-handed. And if this happens, I'll kill myself. And if I lose masturbation-

55:52 Drew Weren't you talking last night about using a cat's tail or something?

55:55 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to have to get, like, a raccoon skin cap or something. I'm going to have to work some masturbatory thing out that doesn't involve my left hand anymore. You know, it's funny, too, is I got to tell you guys, so here's a couple of techniques a guy should do while they're younger. A, practice with both hands. In case there's some sort of accident, you get your hand in a cast, your good hand could be in a cast for three months. You're 14, 15, 16 years old, you're screwed, right? No, you switch to the other hand. So start practicing with both hands. A, number one. B, number two, the full fist technique, not a good one. Work the finger technique in. Never take two, three fingers and do it. Because, Drew, remember I had my hand in that big cast? Yeah. Still able to work it. Still able to work it because I employed the finger technique, not the fist technique. You understand? That's thinking. See, that's readiness. That's planning.

56:52 Guest Yeah. Were you a Boy Scout?

56:54 Caller That's the end.

56:55 Guest Did you get a merit badge for that?

56:56 Guest Yeah.

56:57 Guest Masturbation preparedness.

56:59 Adam Oh, it was great.

57:00 Guest Yeah.

57:00 Adam It was camping. I started a fire and then I put it out with semen. It was great.

57:04 You are my teacher.

57:05 Adam Thank you. Paige?

57:07 Caller Yeah.

57:07 Adam You are 17?

57:09 Guest What's up?

57:10 Caller Not much. How's it going?

57:11 Adam I'm just sitting around thinking about, you know, I'm 36 years old. I'm sitting around and I'm talking about whacking off for 45 minutes a night. There's no way I thought this would happen in my life. No way. No way. I can only imagine someone explaining to me my job when I was 15 years old. What are you going to be doing? You're talking about whacking off.

57:31 Uh-huh.

57:32 Adam They'll pay you. Really? Oh, yes. And your voice will go into many, many cities around the country. And all I got to do is talk about beating off? That's all. Wow. That's great. Make a living off of that? Oh, yes. Quite comfortable. This is great. I can't imagine. I don't know what it is, but this is great. I would have been so happy to hear that at 15. Don't worry. All right, Paige.

57:56 Drew Now you're disgusted.

57:56 Adam Oh, would I have been a bigger pain in the ass in school? I would have just been yelling at teachers. Shut up. I make a living talking about whacking off. Oh, his social studies. Please, please don't waste my time. I need more beat off stories. Trig Calculus of French. Oh, who cares? I got a career ahead of me talking about whacking off. All right, Paige, what's going on?

58:24 Caller I just wanted to say hi to Jim Rippey. I'm a big fan of his.

58:27 Adam Oh, well, here he is, Jim.

58:29 Guest Hello, hello.

58:30 Caller How's it going?

58:31 Guest Awesome. I'm just tripping out that I'm on Loveline. It's kind of funny.

58:34 Caller Yeah.

58:35 Adam Are you a big snowboarding fan, Paige?

58:38 Caller I like to snowboard, yeah.

58:40 Guest Well, you must.

58:41 Adam Do you do it yourself? Yeah.

58:43 Caller Are you good? Kind of, not really, but I like it.

58:46 Drew Paige is like a good snowboarding name, isn't it?

58:50 Caller Hey, who's all going to be at that competition or whatever?

58:54 Guest It'd be hard for me to list everyone. There's 20 guys. They'd pick a top 20, and just like most of the guys you'd see in the videos and do the major contests and stuff.

59:03 Adam Yeah. My God, all of these guys are from Helsinki too. There's Turgi Hakonsen and Ingmar Bachman and Jouzy Oxenen and Keir Dillon.

59:19 Guest He's American.

59:20 Adam Oh, he is? Keir? What the hell kind of name is Keir? Kevin Jones, I thought. Roman Di Marchi?

59:28 Guest He's Swiss.

59:29 Adam Swiss.

59:30 Guest It's a good international field.

59:32 Adam Jason Travis, Mikey, Trevor. Now we're getting to some guys. Chad Abe. We got one shoe on the circuit. Nick Ross and Guy. Okay, so it's just Turg and Ingmar and Jouzy. Guys like that.

59:46 Guest It's going to be good though. All the boys are going to be there stepping it up because there's good prize money and when everybody gets together we have a lot of fun and just push each other.

59:55 Adam I guess what are the big, besides the United States, what's the big snowboarding countries?

1:00:02 Guest Japan's way into it. I'm going to go to Japan in a couple of days to do a promo tour.

1:00:05 Adam Well, that's for you guys, but where are the good guys coming out of? The same place the skiers are coming out of?

1:00:11 Guest Yeah.

1:00:11 Adam Traditionally?

1:00:12 Guest Yeah. Just because like in Europe, I mean, all the stars there are alpine athletes instead of like football players.

1:00:19 Guest There's a lot more support for their alpine.

1:00:21 Guest And they're the ones that had like indoor quarter pipe contests and kind of got this whole idea to come here to the United States. And so we've done a couple quarter pipe contests over there that were really cool, like out on the ice skating rink in a big stadium.

1:00:33 Adam So what are you going to do in Japan?

1:00:36 Guest Just take pictures with thousands of Japanese people pretty much.

1:00:41 Adam It's just like a press tour? I mean, is there not an event that's going on?

1:00:44 Guest Burton promo tour and we just go to different places and sign on the grass and hang out with people and it's pretty funny.

1:00:52 Adam I think the Japanese are jealous of the Americans, you know? They want to like drive Corvettes and waste a lot of gasoline and have big ranches in Texas and wear Levi's and listen to Elvis Presley. You know what I'm talking about, Drew? Thank you. Steve? You're 16.

1:01:11 Caller Yeah.

1:01:11 Adam What's up?

1:01:13 Caller I want to know what's the laws on like sex and stuff, like when you're, like what age you can start legally having it.

1:01:21 Adam Who are you going to have sex with?

1:01:23 Caller Well, I was just like wanting to know.

1:01:25 Adam Well, it depends how old the person is.

1:01:27 Drew Depends what state you're in, too.

1:01:29 Caller What?

1:01:30 Drew Different states have different laws. Where?

1:01:32 Caller Wisconsin.

1:01:34 Drew Well, I don't happen to have those laws tip my tongue, but I imagine it's around 18. Most states are around 17, 18.

1:01:42 Caller Because I'm like 16, and I go for like girls who are like a year younger than me, like 14, 15, you know?

1:01:48 Drew You're going to get yourself in trouble.

1:01:49 Adam No, he's not.

1:01:51 Drew Yeah.

1:01:52 Adam He is. He's going to get one of them pregnant, and then her dad's going to shoot him, but he's not going to get thrown in jail, right?

1:01:59 Drew Okay. You'll be dead, but not in jail. Right.

1:02:01 Adam So there's a silver lining to this dark cloud, Steve. Steve, don't nail any 14-year-olds. It's bad karma.

1:02:10 Drew The reason those laws are to protect people, because people's brain development isn't such that they're ready to handle those sorts of close relationships, particularly when they're at that age.

1:02:19 Adam The law isn't a 16-year-old and a 15-year-old, or a 16-year-old and a 14-year-old, is it?

1:02:23 Drew It's not as likely. It can be, yeah.

1:02:25 Guest It can be.

1:02:26 Drew It's not as likely to be a partner.

1:02:27 Guest If you have a three-year difference or something.

1:02:29 Drew Three-year difference, exactly.

1:02:30 Guest Ooh, man. They vary.

1:02:34 Guest Hey, I'm from Wyoming. I think the legal age is 16, so you know.

1:02:37 Drew Study that law, huh, guys?

1:02:39 Adam Yeah. Rob's not a legal scholar. He got popped for banging a groupie. All right. What's up? Who are we talking to, Drew? You got somebody there?

1:02:47 Drew I'm looking at two.

1:02:50 Adam All righty. We'll speak to Bobby's 25. Bobby?

1:02:54 How are you doing? Good. I just have to say you guys rule, and whatever the best compliment you got in the past for what you do, take it again.

1:03:04 Guest Right on, man. Thanks. Appreciate that.

1:03:07 Anyways, I want to talk about pregnancy prevention. I'm familiar with all of the things you guys run through all the time. Obviously, the pill rubber, morning after, and all that kind of stuff, and all the miscellaneous other types of prevention. But one thing I never hear about is timing. I'm wondering why it hasn't worked in the equation of accumulative kind of prevention, you know? It's like, why don't I have that knowledge?

1:03:34 Adam You're talking about the rhythm?

1:03:35 Yeah, yeah. I just heard that commercial on this channel saying you can get pregnant within a 24-hour window every month. And if that's the case, why isn't everybody informed of that as well?

1:03:50 Drew Bob, because you can't tell when that 24-hour window is going to occur. Oh, really? Yeah, you can't tell when that's going to occur. You can decrease the probability that you're going to... And your sperm will stay in there for 72 hours. So you actually have a three-day period during which you can impregnate somebody, but it's only within 24 hours of population, but it actually occurs.

1:04:10 Adam So women are good for one day out of the month.

1:04:14 Drew One day. Men's sperm good for three.

1:04:16 Adam Right.

1:04:17 Drew And if there's an intersection of that...

1:04:19 Adam Right. So your sperm could be hanging around on day number three. Right. Because the chick's been walking on her hands for three days or how's that work?

1:04:27 No, it's clingy.

1:04:28 Adam It's clingy. I see. Oh, God knows. That's so true. I swear to Christ, I've gotten out of the shower and still had half of it look like a bird craft on my belly. It's like, oh, what the hell?

1:04:36 Guest Get off of me.

1:04:37 Adam What was that so for? Where's the vomit drop?

1:04:38 Drew Vomit drop, please.

1:04:40 Guest It's like...

1:04:41 Adam Yeah, but when you got a lot of hair on you, it's hard to get off. I got to use a mustache comb usually to get that.

1:04:47 Drew But Bobby, the timing method is something that can reduce risk of pregnancy, but it's not particularly reliable. And you got to remember, the population we're talking to is not going to fastidiously follow that, so it's really not a viable means for most of the people we talk to.

1:04:58 Adam Right. They're not going to be taking their... What do they call that? Basic temperature?

1:05:03 Drew Basal body temperature, yeah.

1:05:04 Adam Basal body temperature and stuff. They're just drunk, stoned, retarded teenagers who are on top of each other with their pants around their ankles.

1:05:11 Maybe like you can get... Like once you find out, is there any way of... Once you find out when that day is, then if you were mathematically capable, could that be possible?

1:05:22 Drew Yeah, if you could predict magically when that day was, but it can occur anytime during the month in some individuals.

1:05:28 Adam Some women know when they ovulate.

1:05:31 Drew That's also unreliable.

1:05:32 Adam Drew, you know when you ovulate, right?

1:05:34 Drew I do.

1:05:35 Adam Drew knows, but he's a doctor. Some women know, but the problem is it could change for a woman, right? Although it probably doesn't.

1:05:44 Drew No, it probably does.

1:05:45 Adam No, well, wait a minute.

1:05:46 Drew It probably doesn't change that much.

1:05:48 Adam Drew, let me ask you this. The period is connected to the ovulation, right?

1:05:54 Drew Yes.

1:05:55 Adam I mean, in its timing, right? So if a woman was having a very regular period for a number of years, would it be safe to say that she's also ovulating at the same time for those years?

1:06:09 Drew Yes.

1:06:10 Adam So as regular as a woman's period is, is as regular as her ovulation is.

1:06:16 Drew But as you know, that change, I would put it in a group with a bunch of little...

1:06:19 Guest Stop, stop, stop.

1:06:22 Drew Change is all time.

1:06:25 Adam Yeah, I know, I know, because you put them all in the same office pool and they all start, the vaginas all start, they all get hooked up like they start emailing each other or something. I understand that. But if a woman was to have the same period for a number of years and there's some women that are very regular, then their ovulation would be very regular.

1:06:46 Drew Yes.

1:06:46 Adam And if they had an intelligent boyfriend that was so inclined, he could probably do some math, figure this out, and work around it. We don't like to encourage that because it's a little irresponsible, but it could possibly be done.

1:07:01 Drew That's right.

1:07:02 Adam Okay. And it would be effective if you were in a long-term relationship and you wanted to put a little work and do a little math, right?

1:07:09 Drew It's debatable how effective, but yeah, it could be.

1:07:11 Adam All right. You got another call you wanted to make?

1:07:15 Drew I thought we were doing break here.

1:07:16 Adam Oh, we were? Well, we'll do that. We usually break late.

1:07:20 Drew All right. Josh, 20.

1:07:22 Adam Hello? Josh, what's up?

1:07:24 Caller Yeah. I took ecstasy a little while ago, and the next couple of days, there was blood in my stool, and I was wondering if that could be a side effect of ecstasy?

1:07:35 Drew Not specifically.

1:07:37 Adam Well, he was raped, and that's the side effect of ecstasy.

1:07:41 Guest Either thing afterwards.

1:07:43 Drew No, I don't think so. You need to have that checked out, Josh. It's probably just an internal hemorrhoid.

1:07:48 Caller The thing is, it stopped, and then about two weeks later, I took it again, and the same thing happened afterwards.

1:07:55 Drew Interesting. Well, it must mean for you some association there, but it's not a typical side effect.

1:08:00 Adam I have a- That's not the side. That's the back, by the way. Do you crave beets when you're high on ecstasy because I'm putting a theory together here? No. You don't swing by the salad bar?

1:08:13 Drew No.

1:08:14 Caller I was wondering if the ecstasy could be eating the lining of your stomach or something, and that could make you bleed internally?

1:08:20 Adam Oh, yeah. There it is. There you go.

1:08:22 Drew If your stomach bleeds, you get burgundy stool. You don't get bright red blood prorectum.

1:08:26 Guest Oh, okay. Prorectum.

1:08:28 Adam That sounds like a good snowboard.

1:08:30 Drew Tasty.

1:08:31 Adam Who do you ride for?

1:08:32 Prorectum?

1:08:34 Caller Wow.

1:08:35 Adam You got guys coming on pretty strong this year. Oh, yeah. They have a very strong sponsor. What's Prorectum make? They make the attire, the goggles, they make the boards. The whole thing. Dors Prorectum's been in the sport for many years now. Prorectum sponsors many of the pro events.

1:08:52 Guest You're an asshole.

1:08:54 Adam You go Prorectum, you don't go at all. That's what we've always said. Drew, you got that Prorectum.

1:09:01 Drew That's the slogan of the company, matter of fact.

1:09:02 Adam You got that Prorectum tote bag we got at the last event. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the Prorectum visor, windbreaker, and goggles in there.

1:09:09 Drew Kind of a funny shape, but yeah.

1:09:12 Adam All right. I think I may be more amused with the Prorectum than anybody else here, but it still sounds like a good name for a snowboarding company. All right, Drew, I'm going to take a little break. Who are we going to talk to when we come back?

1:09:25 Drew Let's talk to Molly finally. She's 15.

1:09:27 Adam Molly has been on hold for a solid 30 minutes, has commitments with intimacy, and commitment high.

1:09:35 Guest She's committed to staying online.

1:09:37 Drew You're talking about high on E.

1:09:39 Adam Oh, shut up.

1:09:41 Guest How dare you?

1:09:43 Adam Drew, I'll tell you, when we make love, when you come back from Chicago in the airport, when we make love, it's not going to be a nice passive. It's not going to be a loving love. You know what I mean? It's going to be one of those vengeance Fs. They're really going to work.

1:10:00 Guest Yeah.

1:10:01 Adam Yeah. You're really going to earn your money.

1:10:03 Drew All right.

1:10:04 Guest Oh, yeah. Huh?

1:10:05 Adam Yeah. And a quick, quick rim job. We'll be back.

1:10:12 Uh, back in a minute.

1:10:47 Adam Hey, yeah, are we going to here, Anderson? We're here. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there in Chicago. When are you coming back, Drew?

1:10:57 Guest Tomorrow.

1:10:58 Adam Oh, really?

1:10:59 Guest Yeah.

1:11:00 Guest I thought we didn't get to meet you, Dr. Drew.

1:11:02 Adam I start seeing someone else. Yeah.

1:11:05 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm coming, I'm coming to get you.

1:11:08 Adam Rob Kingwell and Jim Rippey are both here, both professional snowboarders, both here promoting the big event, which is going on in the forum, the Great Western Forum as they call it. Eminem, Cotton Mouth Kings, Mix Master Mike. September 9th, coming right on up, 6.30, the doors open, snowboarding and music, and lots of guys from Finland hanging out. His names you can't pronounce, but are good snowboarders.

1:11:36 Guest All the superstars are going to show up for this. This is the ACG Indoor, and it's kind of like a dream come true. I always wanted to have kind of monster truck rally slash snowboarding events in the United States. This is one of the first ones ever to happen.

1:11:49 Adam Yeah, and in the form, and growing up in Los Angeles, I mean, it's bizarre just hearing about a snowboarding event, although I guess I didn't even know what snowboarding was growing up here in Los Angeles. But I was just overhearing.

1:12:07 Drew Hell, you didn't know what snow was.

1:12:08 Adam That's true. This is overhearing Rob talk about the Olympics, and of course, snowboarding being an Olympic event. When did that start? Like two seasons ago?

1:12:20 Guest 1998.

1:12:21 Adam Or just one. So how do you try out for the Olympic snowboarding team?

1:12:27 Guest They haven't really set out the trials yet. They're still trying to figure out the exact method of going, but we're going to have a trial system, probably three to five contests. You gotta qualify in the States, and you also have to get quota spots through the FIS in order to have enough spots for the United States to go as a team.

1:12:45 Adam Would these be events that would take place anyway, and they see how you place in these events, or are these special events set up just for qualification?

1:12:55 Guest Well, initially, they started out as special events, and they have moved into a series. It's called the Grand Prix Tour. It's run by the USSA, and it's pretty much one of the premier snowboarding events, like tours, in the States. And so that's usually what I got to, is those Grand Prix events.

1:13:12 Adam So whoever comes out on top, and how many different events do they have in snowboarding in the Olympics?

1:13:19 Guest They've got two. They've got GS, which is kind of like ski racing, and you go around gates, and then there's Half Pipe, which is the freestyle event. We were trying to push for board across, but it didn't ever come through.

1:13:30 Adam So, if you are winning the, if you're the points leader at the end of the year at the Half Pipe, does that make you eligible for the Olympics?

1:13:41 Guest You have to go to these qualification events and do, like, you have to be the top three or four in, like, after that series of events.

1:13:50 Adam I'm thinking about trying out this year, Drew. I know I've never been on a...

1:13:52 Guest You've got to learn to snowboard, Rich.

1:13:53 Adam Well, I've never been on a snowboard. Well, that's the thing. See, my thing is, is I'm a busy man. I don't have time to futz around with the kids. I go right for the Olympics. I just figure, I'll just... I'm the kind of guy who reacts well to pressure. You know what I'm saying? I think I would come through if I was doing it for the country. And I just figure, let's just put the snowboard on for the first time and just go for it. You know what I mean? Like, in a competition. Really just go for it. Drew?

1:14:20 Drew Yeah, just before... Yeah, forget the trials, forget the training.

1:14:23 Adam Forget all that. What I'm doing is I'm saving it for the event. Is what I'm saying. You better hope I don't hurt my ass on one of those half pipes, by the way.

1:14:31 Drew All right. Molly 15.

1:14:34 Adam Molly?

1:14:34 Drew Molly.

1:14:35 Adam Hey, guys. Hey, what's up?

1:14:38 Caller I got this thing where I'm afraid of what you would call, I guess, commitment or whatever. Because, I don't know, I guess I just can't trust anyone.

1:14:50 Adam Yeah.

1:14:51 Drew How come?

1:14:52 Caller Um, I don't know. I just don't, I just can't. I don't know.

1:15:00 Drew Why is trust such a big issue to you? Where has there been violation of your trust in the past?

1:15:04 Caller Well, like, I've been lied to and stuff a lot.

1:15:08 Adam Like about Santa and the Easter Bunny?

1:15:11 Caller Yeah, whatever. I guess you could say that.

1:15:14 Adam Yeah, see, that reminds me of how I scored with the chicks in high school.

1:15:20 Guest Yeah, whatever.

1:15:22 Adam Uh, hey, Molly?

1:15:23 Caller Yeah?

1:15:24 Adam Where's your dad?

1:15:25 Caller Um, he's in California.

1:15:27 Adam I see. And where are you?

1:15:29 Caller Um, I'm in Texas.

1:15:31 Adam Oh, great. So, uh, would he abandon the family?

1:15:35 Caller No, not at all. No.

1:15:36 Adam Oh, I see. He's just living in a different state?

1:15:38 Caller Yeah.

1:15:38 Adam Oh, okay.

1:15:39 Drew But he's still very, abandoning the family?

1:15:41 Adam Very much involved. There's a long hallway to your room from there. What's he doing in California?

1:15:47 Caller Um, he lives there with some of my family.

1:15:51 Adam And why, why, why isn't he living with you?

1:15:53 Caller Because I live with my mom.

1:15:55 Adam Let me write this down. And, uh-

1:15:57 Drew I want to see how this, this could be some trust issues for you, Molly.

1:16:00 Adam How often do you see him?

1:16:02 Caller Um, I see him like every summer.

1:16:06 Adam When did he cut out?

1:16:09 Caller Uh, when did they get divorced, you mean, or whatever?

1:16:11 Guest Uh, yeah.

1:16:13 Caller Um, maybe two years ago. Yeah.

1:16:17 Guest Yeah.

1:16:18 Adam All right. Yeah, this could have something to do with it, right?

1:16:22 Caller I don't know.

1:16:22 Adam Okay, well, I'm an expert, and I say it does.

1:16:25 Caller Okay, whatever you say.

1:16:26 Adam All right, so there you go, Miss Smartass. Have a fun life, being a pain in everyone's ass, and denying all of your problems and not listening to anyone's advice, all right? I'll see you at the mall.

1:16:37 Drew But listen, it's understandable you have trust issues.

1:16:41 Adam All right. What happened to my mic?

1:16:43 Drew Please. And the fact is that you may get over this as time goes on. You're going to have to if you're going to have real relationships. But at 15, all things being equal, it's okay to sort of hold back a little bit. You could have gone the other way.

1:16:55 Adam Yeah.

1:16:55 Drew As we know, people get sort of set into trajectories.

1:16:57 Adam Right.

1:16:57 Drew You sort of not trust one.

1:16:58 Adam You're blowing up the football team.

1:17:00 Drew Yeah. The not trust one is not such a bad one to be on right now.

1:17:04 Adam Listen all you, what do I call them? What do I call our listeners? Egotards? Yes. Egotards. It's egomaniac meets retard. Let me tell you what the answer to your emotional intimate problem is not going to be. It's not going to be because you're too smart or too good looking, or too thin or too rich. It's going to be something that's not real flattering, and something you got to deal with. It's only because somebody drank a little too much, somebody banned you, somebody beat you, or somebody raped you. All right? So if you're calling the show and you want to know why you're having a little trouble committing to a man, and you're telling me you live in Texas and your dad started a new life and he lives in California, that's your answer. Yeah, whatever. All right? You want to be a pain in the ass about it, fine. It's your life. I'm telling you what the answer is. If you don't want to hear it, don't call the show.

1:17:56 Guest Yeah, whatever.

1:17:56 Adam I wish people would stop calling the show, Drew.

1:17:59 Guest I know that.

1:18:00 Adam I'd have more time for high school football stories. Michelle?

1:18:05 Hi.

1:18:05 Adam You're 18?

1:18:06 Caller Yeah.

1:18:07 Adam What's up?

1:18:08 Caller I got a problem, okay? I've been with my boyfriend for a while now and you know we really love each other and recently we started taking our relationship a step higher and we've been having sex and everything. I've had to fake orgasms. We'll go four or five hours straight and I won't be able to hit an orgasm and I don't even know why.

1:18:34 Guest You're tired?

1:18:35 Guest No.

1:18:37 Adam Your vagina's on fire?

1:18:38 Caller No. We usually keep some KY jelly nearby just in case.

1:18:44 Adam Oh my God. Hold on a second. This is the chick I start dating after these two break up. You know what I mean? The one who went for the marathon, tons of lube, banging the bejesus out of her for 12 hours straight. Guys, this is the one I get next. This is the one where we're on date number 18, and I put my hand on her lap and she's like, I've decided to slow down. I've been-

1:19:12 Drew I've taken an oath of celibacy.

1:19:13 Adam I've been getting court hold for so long. I've been getting worked in every which way but lose, and I just- I've just decided I'm just going to start slowing it down. I mean, I'm still- I'm spitting up lube from last year. I'm just- like, this is the one I get. I get the- after this relationship, this is where I step in, after the four hours tub of lube. Michelle?

1:19:36 Drew Usually, don't they usually find Jesus Christ by that point too?

1:19:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

1:19:40 Drew Taking oath of celibacy.

1:19:41 Adam I was a prostitute, but I've turned my life over to Jesus Christ. Now, I'm going to have the Surf and Turf.

1:19:49 Caller The four and a half hours actually isn't as long as I've ever been, and even the longer times I'd have to fake because I wouldn't be able to hit.

1:19:57 Guest Yeah.

1:19:57 Caller I don't know if it's because-

1:19:58 Adam Here's a tip for all the ladies though. Fake hour two, hour three. Don't wait to get to four and a half before you fake.

1:20:05 Guest Go watch Oprah or something.

1:20:06 Guest Do you go to school?

1:20:08 Adam What's the longest you've had sex?

1:20:11 Caller During spring break, I went with one of them, yeah, with my boyfriend, like two and a half days. We just stayed in bed all the- Yeah, all that time. I think we took like a total of four breaks during that time.

1:20:26 Adam Four, fifteen minute breaks?

1:20:28 Caller Uh, it was a little longer, about an hour or two.

1:20:31 Adam About an hour or two. Would you have a bedpan to make in or did you just go to the bathroom?

1:20:36 Caller No. When either one of us had to go, it would be like, okay, three minutes, you know, and we would sit there and go to the bathroom or whatever. Even, but we, in fact, those hours weren't even breaks because we'd be in the shower.

1:20:50 Adam Get It On. All right. So let me just make, let me just see if I can work the math here. Out of a, in a 62 hour period, you took about two and a half hours off from having sex?

1:21:01 Drew Did you sleep?

1:21:03 Caller Huh? Did we sleep? No, we didn't. We were like-

1:21:06 Adam All right. Hold on, hold on a second. Here's why you can't believe chicks. Here's why I never believe what they say. They just, here's why you can't believe women. They don't know they're lying. She doesn't know that she's lying right now. She's obviously lying and has no idea. She's like, OJ, she believes her own ramp. Remember, remember, who was our guest last night? Oh, Beth Broderick. Remember I got in an argument with her, Drew, about her ceiling?

1:21:32 Drew The ceiling, yeah.

1:21:33 Adam She told me, she said, she said, my bedroom has a 35 foot ceiling. I said, no, it doesn't. She said, oh, yes, it does. I said, no, it doesn't. She said, you've never been to my house. I don't have to. She said, who are you talking to? My bedroom has a 30. I said, you know how tall a 35 foot ceiling is? How tall? I said, it's a three and a half story building. So stand outside a three or four story building and look up at the top of the building. That's how high your bedroom ceiling is? Well, it's at least 20 feet. Oh, yes. But the point is she had no idea she was lying. She'd been telling everyone that.

1:22:08 Drew But she seemed like a different person last night.

1:22:11 Adam Yeah, she was nice, right? But Michelle over here, Michelle expects us to believe that in 62 hours, she took three hours off and never slept. Would you say Drew is a doctor? It's a physical impossibility?

1:22:27 Drew Yeah, they would have dehydrated. They need to take some fluids. They would have had an IV attached in order to pull that off.

1:22:32 Adam All right, Michelle?

1:22:33 Drew Yeah?

1:22:34 Adam All right, we're calling you a liar.

1:22:35 Caller Okay, you can call me a liar. You're lucky my boyfriend is in here because he would be yelling at you guys like, oh my goodness, he would be totally exploding just for calling me a liar.

1:22:44 Adam All right, so 59 hours out of the 62, you guys had sex.

1:22:51 Caller I'm not exactly sure of complete hours. I didn't count, I'm sorry.

1:22:55 Adam Right, just two and a half days though.

1:22:58 Guest Is this pure in and out sex or what?

1:23:02 Caller What do you mean in and out sex?

1:23:04 Adam Like, you're just throwing at it? Some hand jobs, some oral sex in there.

1:23:08 Caller Oh, there was all kinds of things going on.

1:23:11 Adam Okay, but no orgasm during that 59 hour period?

1:23:15 Caller No, I had to fake.

1:23:17 Adam I see, and what did you fake, 145 times in that two days? All right. Why did you fake? You didn't have to.

1:23:26 Caller I couldn't hit. I don't know. Either it's because of what happened to me in the past, or just is it good or something?

1:23:33 Adam Now we're getting to it. And first off, God bless you for having sex for 60 hours and not having an orgasm and going and going and going and never having one. But what happened to you in the past?

1:23:46 Caller In January of two years ago, I was raped by four different guys. They drugged me and raped me.

1:23:55 Adam What about before that?

1:23:57 Caller I was molested by my deceased uncle.

1:24:01 Drew There you go.

1:24:02 Adam That's what we're getting at.

1:24:03 Drew Bingo.

1:24:03 Adam There's always something before. And what happened? Well, first off, thank God your uncle's dead. That's good news. And how long did he molest you?

1:24:14 Caller From I was, it was like from when I was nine until I was about 14.

1:24:20 Adam So just five years.

1:24:21 Caller Yeah.

1:24:21 Adam All right. Well, that's oh my God. And how did how did he die?

1:24:26 Caller He had a heart attack on Thanksgiving. I was 14 and a half.

1:24:31 Adam No, you must have danced a jig on him.

1:24:34 Caller Yeah, I was like, I was crying not because he died, but because he died, you know, he wasn't there anymore.

1:24:41 Adam Was this your dad's brother?

1:24:43 Caller No, actually, the lady he was married to, she's not really my aunt, but she's been in our family so long that she's adopted.

1:24:50 Drew There we go, there we go.

1:24:52 Adam All right, so this is why you're having sex for 60 hours and why you're not having an orgasm.

1:24:58 Drew All right? No.

1:25:00 Adam Yeah, hey, listen, this is everything.

1:25:03 Drew This is it, Michelle, yeah.

1:25:04 Adam This is everything. My God, you've been to hell and back. Thank God this bastard's dead. It's too bad he had a heart attack. I wish it was something a little slower, you know, like a nice cancer or something like that.

1:25:15 Caller He had cancer on top of it, but he had a heart attack.

1:25:17 Adam Oh, good, I'll be able to sleep tonight.

1:25:22 Caller It was like in the night, though. In fact, he had the heart attack right when he got done doing what he was doing to me.

1:25:28 Drew Oh, my God.

1:25:30 Adam Were you in the room with him or was it just an hour later?

1:25:33 Caller He was in my room. I was sleeping and he would wake me up at night, do what he wanted to do, and then walk out of my room. That night he didn't walk out, he died.

1:25:44 Adam In your room?

1:25:45 Caller Yeah.

1:25:46 Adam Well, now, we've all, I don't know if everybody, we've all had this happen, and one time or another, and we hear it every night, but it's never easy. Oh, my God.

1:25:58 Drew Michelle, my goodness.

1:25:59 Adam So this guy kicked off in your room?

1:26:02 Caller Yeah.

1:26:03 Drew On top of you?

1:26:04 Caller I don't live in the house.

1:26:05 Adam Drew, go on, Drew, now you're pushing. You're trying to stretch a triple into an in the park home run here. He was, if he was on top of you, Drew, I'm going through the roof.

1:26:17 Caller When he had his heart attack?

1:26:18 Adam Yes. Yeah, he was. No, he was not. Oh, my God. No, he was not.

1:26:23 Caller No, he was. He had his heart.

1:26:26 Drew You know what? That's what I was getting from her, is that she was hiding the fact that he had the heart attack while he was having sex with her.

1:26:33 Adam Well, on hour 61, anybody would keel over. Yeah.

1:26:38 Drew But I got to show, these are major, major, profound human traumas. This is about as much as a human being can tolerate and survive. So you really got to do something about this.

1:26:51 Caller I actually thought I wasn't going to make it through this. I was 14 and drinking more alcohol, my family combined.

1:27:00 Drew You got to get help.

1:27:01 Adam That's a lot of booze. And how old was your uncle?

1:27:05 Caller He was 56, I think. Yeah, he was 56.

1:27:10 Adam And he was really on top of you when he had this heart attack?

1:27:13 Caller I swear on my life.

1:27:14 Drew In the park home run.

1:27:15 Adam And how?

1:27:17 Caller He did a thing. Well, he was on top of me. He had a heart attack. And then he rolled over and kind of dragged me with him because he was inside me. And I'm sitting there trying to score him to get off. And I was crying at the same time and screaming and everything else.

1:27:36 Drew When people came in, were they wondering what was going on?

1:27:39 Caller My parents, at that time, both of them were truck drivers. And they were both out. And my aunt, she's kind of hard of hearing. So it took about 20 minutes before somebody finally heard me screaming.

1:27:52 Adam Oh.

1:27:52 Drew Oh my god.

1:27:54 Adam All right. Hey, Michelle.

1:27:55 Drew Michelle, this 60 hours of sex stuff is a reaction to all this. That is not sex. That's some sort of arousal discharge. Just try to distance yourself from any kind of experience. That's just to stimulate yourself into some sort of relief of all this pain you must carry around with you.

1:28:10 Caller Well, like I said before, I was drinking more alcohol than everything in my family combined. And just recently, I'm recovered alcoholic.

1:28:19 Drew Yeah, but talk to your doctor. Talk to your sponsor. Talk to your sponsor about sexual compulsion, too, because you're getting into that big time.

1:28:28 Adam I'll tell you. I don't know what percentage of society would say if I had their died while their uncle and their uncle died while they were in them for 40, 50. They can't be higher than 50 percent. Oh my God. 50 percent. No, I'm saying, I'm not an idiot. It's lower than 50 percent, probably.

1:28:49 Drew Yeah, I'd say so.

1:28:50 Adam Low 40s, 42, 43 percent.

1:28:53 Drew Even below 40.

1:28:54 Adam You think so? I don't know. These are troubled times. Oh my God.

1:29:00 Drew Seven years of sexual abuse and then dying inside with the aunt nearby. Yeah, I think 35 percent.

1:29:07 Adam All right. Now listen, here's my point. Let's just say there is a hell. I got to hang out with this cat because I used the Lord's name in vain a handful of times and whacked off once or twice. Do you know what I'm saying? There got to be tiers of hell. You know what I mean? Echelons, floors.

1:29:28 Drew Let's also think back to how this call started.

1:29:30 Adam Yeah. Here's the way I fear it.

1:29:32 Drew The depth, the anus of hell.

1:29:33 Adam I look at hell like subterranean parking. There's up top, there's almost street level. Once in a while, you just keep whining and whining and whining and whining. You do that over at K-Rock once in a while, right? You get all the way down. That's where I figure this guy is. Me, I'm right near the elevator at the top of hell.

1:29:52 Drew But it's close to you.

1:29:54 Adam The bad news is you're going to hell. The good news is you're right at the top. You're like the cream of hell.

1:29:59 Caller You go to hell and you die!

1:30:00 Adam All right. We'll take a break.

1:30:02 Drew Let's flashback to how that call started.

1:30:03 Adam All right. Hold on, Drew.

1:30:04 Drew I should have nothing to say. Nothing wrong with my path. Nothing.

1:30:09 Adam It's funny. I called her a liar, but I believed every second of that uncle dying in me story. We'll take a break.

1:30:17 Hello. This is Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

1:30:47 Adam It's the Loveline. Rob and Jim are both here, both professional snowboarders, both going to be out at the Great Western Forum with the Cottonmouth Kings and Eminem and Mixmaster Mike. Riding the quarter pipe, getting 20 feet of air, doing all that stuff. Give me some move names. You know what I mean? Like a Brody. Is that a move? No.

1:31:10 Guest A lot of the names are the same ones from skateboarding, like McTwist and stuff like that, but then there's kind of-

1:31:15 Adam McTwist, yeah?

1:31:16 Guest Yeah, then there's like corked stuff, which means it's kind of sideways, like 720s, like flip 720s, flip 900s, things like that that are a little different than skateboarding.

1:31:26 Adam Every good extreme sport has a Can-Can in it. Is there a Can-Can yet in the snowboarding realm? We can work that in.

1:31:33 Guest We can do one foot air. It's kind of like Can-Can, but it wouldn't be called a Can-Can.

1:31:37 Adam Wouldn't be called a Can-Can? And how about a Brody? No Brodies? Can't work the Brody in?

1:31:41 Guest No.

1:31:42 Drew Jizz Guzzling?

1:31:44 Adam Oh my God.

1:31:46 Drew I said that?

1:31:47 Adam Yeah. What do you mean? It just came out of your mouth. You know what I'm saying.

1:31:51 Drew Oh my God. What'd he say? Oh.

1:31:55 Guest All sorts of stuff coming out of your mouth today, Dr. Drew.

1:31:58 Adam You got to start doing the show sober so you remember.

1:32:00 Drew Can I say that?

1:32:01 Adam Kimberly?

1:32:03 Caller Hello?

1:32:03 Adam You're 14?

1:32:04 Caller Yeah.

1:32:05 Adam What's up?

1:32:05 Caller I'm worried about my friend. She's so perverted. She's like going to get raped and I'm so afraid for her.

1:32:12 Adam Yeah. She couldn't beat our last caller.

1:32:15 Caller I don't understand why she's like that.

1:32:17 Adam All right. Well, how old is she?

1:32:19 Caller She's 13.

1:32:20 Adam And what's she doing?

1:32:21 Caller She's letting guys rub on her. She's letting guys...

1:32:24 Adam Well, maybe it's just to bring them good luck.

1:32:26 Caller I don't know. It's her. It's like I tell her, Anna, calm down. You're going to get raped. She was almost kidnapped last week.

1:32:33 Adam All right. Well, why don't you talk to her one parent this over?

1:32:38 Drew Her mom, her mom.

1:32:39 Caller Her mom is like her.

1:32:41 Adam Yeah, that's my prom. That's her prom, I should say.

1:32:45 Drew How old is her mom?

1:32:46 Caller Her mom is about 27.

1:32:50 Adam Right. She has an older brother. He's 19.

1:32:54 Drew 14 when she had the baby.

1:32:55 Adam Right. All right. Here we go again, everybody. Kimberly, you be the best friend you can be and you tell her everything you know. But after that, she's on her own.

1:33:05 Caller But she thinks that she can't get pregnant because she is sexually active.

1:33:08 Adam You can. She can.

1:33:10 Caller She will.

1:33:11 Adam Think about her mom.

1:33:13 Caller She thinks that-

1:33:13 Drew Mom got pregnant at 14.

1:33:15 Adam Her mom got pregnant at 14.

1:33:17 Caller Well, it's up to her. That's her decision. But she's like, well, I smoke a lot of weed, so it doesn't.

1:33:23 Adam Listen, that's it. I'm moving to Canada. Where are you calling from, Kimberly?

1:33:27 Caller Los Angeles.

1:33:27 Adam All right. Now I'm moving. Now I'm moving. First, I'm going to Colorado and then I'm going to Canada. All right, Drew, one more quickie here before we break. Why are you going to Colorado? It just seems better. It's going to be my transition place before I go to Canada.

1:33:44 Drew I see.

1:33:44 Adam Ben?

1:33:45 Yeah.

1:33:46 Adam You're 19? You want to know if there's any way to get rid of body hair?

1:33:51 Caller Yeah.

1:33:51 Drew Laser.

1:33:52 Adam Lasers and wax and all that kind of stuff. Listen, don't worry about it. You're a man, all right?

1:33:58 Guest Okay. But are there any cheap ways?

1:34:01 Adam Yes. You can burn yourself. Have a crack pipe explode on you.

1:34:07 Drew What part of your body hair needs to go?

1:34:09 Adam Listen, who cares? I was yelling about this last night. Men have hair on them. Listen, you chicks who've been hanging around with the fags too long, guys are supposed to have hair on them.

1:34:18 Guest Get used to it.

1:34:20 Adam Embrace it.

1:34:20 Drew Hey, Adam, if we're going to be a couple, you're going to have to do something about it.

1:34:25 Adam That's just so you can find my hole. My balls look like the chin of an old Chinaman. I'm going to shave an arrow into each cheek heading in, heading into the crack, all right? All right, we'll take a break.

1:34:38 Loveline, Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:35:16 Guest Yeah.

1:35:17 Adam Well, that is it, everybody. Another fabulous loveline in the can. Drew? Hey. Hey. All right. What time is it over there? Two hour different? Two.

1:35:27 Drew I'm getting up in five hours.

1:35:28 Adam All right. Think about me. What's your brother?

1:35:31 Drew I can't wait to see you. I can't wait.

1:35:34 Adam If you watch that Spectrevision, you think of me. Think about me complaining about the $12 charge and they cut the penises out. All right. I want to thank Rob and Jim for coming in here and doing a great job tonight. Again, September 9th, everybody. You can see not only Rob and Jim, but Eminem and a whole bunch of guys from Helsinki, and Cotton Mouth Kings, and Mix Master Mike, all at the Great Western Forum for Big Snowboarding, Extravaganza, and Rock Concert. It's going to be huge. September 9th, Saturday coming up. Thanks, guys. You say thanks now. Thank you. There you go. Tony Hawk tomorrow night, and until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Drew, you're getting a rim job and a felching when you get back.

1:36:19 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, August 28, 2000