Episode 1000754887315

1:26 Drew I'm so embarrassed.

1:26 Adam Holy Christ.

1:27 Drew By how he actually takes it personally when you go off on the equipment here.

1:31 Adam Anderson, I must have been beaten as a child.

1:33 Drew But this is like that we suddenly have very nice connecting equipment here.

1:37 Voiceover Yeah, it's good. I need about another six inches of slack. I don't think I can get a full sort of a dentist chair recline with this long of my cord, Drew, but I'm working on. Hey, it's Loveline. I like to start to unwind, take the shoes off and basically pop a Quailuid, have a glass of red wine and start really, really relaxing by the 11 o'clock hour on the show. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-855-4455. Anyway, 8-5-4-4455. I'm Adam Corolla. We're a good partner over there, Dr. Drew. I'm fully recovered from my hangover I had yesterday. I'm feeling relatively lucid and planning on doing a good to mediocre show tonight.

2:23 Drew Is that why you brought a garage door opener in here with you?

2:26 Adam Yeah. I don't know why that's in here. I think it was in my pocket.

2:28 Drew Yeah.

2:29 Adam I want to thank Kim Grothus. Grothus? Kim Grothus.

2:35 Drew Grothus? Grothus?

2:37 Adam Yeah.

2:37 Drew What she sent us? She's an amazing listener in Ohio. She sent an amazing basket of food. I mean, this one looks like she's been working for a month on this thing. Tasty. Yeah. It's very sweet. Very nice.

2:48 Adam There's two huge baskets out there?

2:49 Drew One with the popcorn balls all over it. Do you see that?

2:52 Adam Yeah. Nice. You know what you do, Drew? I just got to get in on you for a second. What do I do? Bands are excited to meet you oftentimes. Yeah, they are.

3:03 Drew That's my first problem, I guess. I understand that.

3:06 Adam Well, you know what it is. What happens sometimes on the show is, well, it's one or the other. Here's how the show works. Either we don't care about the guest or the guest doesn't care about us. Or both. Or both. We don't meet in the middle that often. Now, see, sometimes we have bands on here, like Orgy was in here yesterday.

3:23 Drew Yeah, we met many times.

3:24 Adam Orgy likes you. The guys like you a lot. They know you're not into their music. They know you're not sitting home listening to Orgy. But they're kind of excited that you would listen to it, or that there's an opportunity for you to listen to it. So they give you a CD. Remember at the beginning of the show?

3:38 Drew I left it here.

3:39 Adam Remember at the beginning of the show?

3:40 Drew I actually wanted to take it.

3:41 Adam Yeah, I know. You wanted to take it so bad, you left it on the console when you left. So they always do it. I can see their little eyes light up. Hey, Drew, here's a CD. They always have that sort of Oliver Twist, I have some more porridge, kind of look when they hand it to him.

3:58 Drew At least I don't disappoint.

3:59 Adam And their thing is like, they don't really come out and say it, but they hand it to Drew and they always give him the kind of the, we know it's not your thing, but you may enjoy it. Here you go. And Drew is very friendly. Oh, no, no, no. This is great. This is great. I'll listen to it. This is great, he says. But then Drew scurries out and Drew runs for his car. Drew actually slides over his hood like Starsky and Hutch do when they try to get to the car. He actually slides over his hood and last night into the Drew Mobile and feels out.

4:30 Drew So last night, I talked to you on the phone in the way home. How the hell did you tell me?

4:34 Adam How dare you? How dare you? I was leaving and the guys from Orgy came out and they kind of flagged me down a little and they said, they said, Adam, you know, your CD. And they held up, mine, they held up a CD over their head and they both had a sort of anxious look on their face. And I held up the CD that I always keep in my car, the generic CD for faking bands out. No, no, I held up, be good ploy, though. It's on a little piece of fishing string. It's actually just, it's actually just cardboard. It's painted silver. No, I held up the Orgy CD and I thought to myself, holy Christ, thank God I remembered this thing. I held it up and I said, not me, Drew. And they went, and then I pulled off. I think Jay was, I think Jay was crying as I pulled away.

5:19 Drew Look what Jay did for us too.

5:20 Adam And then Jay gave us mic chords. What a guy. All right.

5:22 Drew I actually like those guys.

5:23 Adam You're right around. You like them so much, you leave their CD. And here's all I'm saying, you don't have to listen to them. I have the goddamn thing out of the studio, so I don't have to trip on it.

5:32 Drew I was, first of all, last night I was in a rare form in terms of fatigue.

5:35 Adam So you leave junk that people give you every time.

5:38 Drew No, the stuff I bring in I leave.

5:40 Adam It is a slap in the face to those who care.

5:42 Drew Yes, sir. I understand.

5:44 Adam Okay.

5:45 Drew I feel bad.

5:45 Adam All right. James?

5:47 Yeah.

5:47 Adam You're 19.

5:48 Caller Yeah.

5:49 Adam What's up?

5:50 Caller Not much. Pleasure to hear from you guys, that's for sure.

5:53 Adam Well, we figured you'd be around about this time, so we thought we'd ring you up.

5:58 Caller Yeah, it's kind of weird because you guys are talking about GIO or GBL and out here we get it a day late. Yeah.

6:04 Adam Where are you calling from?

6:05 Caller Dayton, Ohio, actually.

6:07 Adam I see. That's where we got our lovely gift basket from.

6:09 Caller Oh, really? Yeah.

6:11 Adam Yeah. So what's up?

6:13 Caller Not much. I had a catheter done in July.

6:18 Drew Why were you wearing a catheter?

6:20 Caller You know, for style. No, I was in a car accident.

6:24 What happened?

6:25 Caller I went off the right side of the road and overcorrected and ended up going on.

6:32 Adam Oncoming traffic?

6:33 Caller No, just by myself. All my way to work, went in over and twice and rolled three times.

6:38 Adam Oh, my God. Was it in the ice?

6:40 Caller Wow. Yeah, a seatbelt saved my life.

6:43 Adam Wow. So you were sliding off to the right, overcorrected and rolled. Was it the passenger side door that rolled first?

6:52 Caller No, I went straight head on into the ditch and then went over and twice first.

6:56 Adam Oh, you cartwheeled?

6:58 Caller Yeah.

6:58 Adam That's different than a roll.

6:59 Caller Yeah, and then I rolled three times.

7:01 Adam That's pretty good. Many guys have rolled cars. Not many guys cartwheel them.

7:05 Drew Wow.

7:06 Adam What kind of car were you driving?

7:07 Caller It was a Chevy Corsica.

7:09 Drew My God.

7:10 Adam Yeah, that's just a regular midsize car. Did you have an airbag?

7:13 Caller Nope.

7:14 Adam But you had a seatbelt.

7:15 Caller Yeah.

7:15 Drew Amazing.

7:17 Caller Yeah, I was careful.

7:18 Adam All right. So it saved your life, but not your dork. So you're catheterized.

7:23 Caller Yeah. Well, they gave me a catheter, which I didn't even know what it was when they told me they were going to give it to me.

7:28 Drew Oh, that's fun.

7:29 Caller That's nice. Because I had head trauma.

7:32 Adam I see.

7:32 Caller And they were afraid that if I had to have surgery, they had to have that in.

7:35 Right.

7:37 Caller So that was quite painful, actually.

7:39 Adam What's your question speaking of head trauma?

7:43 Caller Ever since I've had that, I've been able to last a lot longer.

7:47 Adam The catheter?

7:48 Caller Yeah.

7:49 Drew Before you orgasm, you last a lot longer?

7:52 Caller No.

7:52 Adam Because when you orgasm, you spit that tube out of your penis, right? Are you actually having sex with it in there?

7:58 Caller No.

7:59 Adam No, I see.

8:00 Drew Wait. Now you have longer orgasms or longer until you orgasm?

8:03 Caller Longer until I orgasm.

8:04 Drew Okay. Are you on medication?

8:05 Caller No.

8:06 Drew Nothing. No pain, pain like that since then?

8:08 Caller No.

8:09 All right.

8:10 Drew It's possible. It could be the head trauma, too.

8:12 Adam Then maybe God giving you a little something for the trouble. You know what I'm saying?

8:18 Drew Yeah. Little tip.

8:19 Adam God was like, well, my cartwheeled the Corsica. At least I could do was add 10 minutes to the guy's boning session.

8:24 Drew Yeah.

8:25 Adam I know. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

8:27 Drew But?

8:28 Adam But.

8:29 Drew There's a reason for everything.

8:31 Adam That's right. That's right. There's the Lord. Maybe a little lightning round tonight, by the way. I should write that down. Anderson, don't let me forget that. Jessica.

8:42 Yes.

8:42 Adam You're 28. What's going on?

8:44 Caller I've been married about a week and a half, and I have caught my husband in the middle of the night masturbating. When confronted with it, he says he's asleep.

8:54 Drew You wake him up?

8:56 Caller Actually, no. I didn't quite know how to handle it. It's one of those things where I just get up and go to the living room.

9:03 Drew How long have you known this guy?

9:06 Caller A while.

9:07 Drew Where would it be to get married and find things out about somebody?

9:09 Adam Hey, Jessica?

9:10 Caller Yes?

9:11 Adam I'd like you to hang out on hold for about 15 minutes and think about how you answer specific questions, okay?

9:17 Caller Excuse me?

9:18 Adam Thank you. Yee-paw! Loveline, recreation. Go ahead.

9:24 Drew So how long have you been married to him?

9:25 Adam No.

9:25 Drew No.

9:26 Adam Ask your question, you idiot. Ask the question you asked her.

9:30 Drew How long have you been married?

9:31 Adam No.

9:32 Drew How long have you known the guy?

9:34 Adam Okay. You ready? Here we go. Go.

9:36 Drew How long have you known the guy?

9:39 Adam A while.

9:43 Very helpful. Very helpful answer.

9:45 Adam I see a while. A while could be three weeks, could be 25, 30 years. So somewhere in that period, certainly not less than three weeks, but not more than 30 years. Crazy bitch. Everyone, just sit there, Jessica. I know you didn't mean it on purpose. Just sit and think for a while. Robert?

10:07 Yes.

10:07 Adam You're 19. What's up?

10:09 Caller Well, I had a question about me and an ex-girlfriend of mine had breaking up on bad terms because she had sex with another guy.

10:20 Drew Hold on, Robert.

10:22 Adam By the way, it's done, broke up.

10:24 Drew By the way, it's not breaking up. It could be confusing. It's done, broke. Yeah, you're right.

10:28 Adam Done, broke up, right?

10:30 Caller Yeah.

10:31 Adam Yeah. Why did you do that?

10:34 Caller Because she had sex with another guy.

10:35 Adam I see.

10:36 Caller While we were still together. Right. Sometime later, she ended up having a baby. But we don't know who the father was out of me and the guy that she-

10:48 Drew Commend some time go by.

10:50 Adam Right. Well, why don't you just assume it was the other guy's kid?

10:55 Drew Right. That's who's raising the child, right?

10:59 Caller No.

10:59 Adam No. Who's raising the child?

11:01 Caller Just her.

11:02 Drew Just mom.

11:02 Adam Okay. Do you want to know if it's your child? Yeah.

11:05 Caller It's kind of a situation because I don't know if it was true. Well, it's been rumored that parents can have a certain connection with their children.

11:16 Adam Word on the street has it that parents have a certain connection with their children.

11:19 Drew Yes.

11:19 Adam I've heard that. I thought it was a wives' tale for many years.

11:21 Drew How many years ago? How old is the child now?

11:24 Caller This child is probably about five months old.

11:27 Adam What do you mean parents can have a certain connection with their children?

11:30 Caller I don't know. I've had like certain dreams and certain feelings like illnesses that I've never had before in my entire life.

11:38 Adam Right.

11:38 Drew It's called a conscience.

11:40 Adam Yeah.

11:40 Drew It's called guilt.

11:41 Adam That just means you're thinking about it.

11:42 Drew Yeah.

11:43 Caller Well, I've also heard that the first five months or so, or the first year that a baby can get real sick, they're prone to sickness.

11:51 Drew Yes.

11:51 Adam Yeah.

11:52 Caller They're building up their immunity and all that.

11:54 Adam Well, what's that have to do with you having a dream about it?

11:57 Caller A dream that I have a son.

12:01 Adam Yeah.

12:01 Drew But what does the child's immunity have to do with you?

12:05 Caller That was the illness. I've been getting sick for strange reasons that I've never done.

12:09 Adam Oh, boy. Listen, I wouldn't want you to raise a raccoon, for Christ's sake. What are you into? Witchcraft?

12:17 Caller I don't know.

12:17 Adam What are you talking about? You're getting sick. So you think there's some sort of symbionic, some magical kismet between the two of you? Yeah.

12:29 Caller That's what I'm saying.

12:30 Adam No.

12:30 Drew Why wouldn't all fathers have that? Why would all fathers get sick when their child gets sick? There's some sort of magical quality like that out there. That doesn't happen. Now, not to say you can't have feelings that kids have, and particularly women can have feelings at a distance that are difficult to explain.

12:45 Adam Right.

12:46 Drew But you've abandoned the child long ago. Right. And you're struggling with your conscience about it, you're wrestling with that, and that's fine.

12:54 Adam Go get a blood test, get a DNA test.

12:57 Drew If you want to get back in that child's life, and if that mother will have you back in the child's life, great, go raise the child.

13:03 Adam My mom used to tell me she always knew when her babies were hungry. And they started chewing the bark off the tree. Right. Usually that was between 530 and 9 on weeknights when she didn't cook the goddamn dinner. But there was a certain feeling because I was eating raw peanut butter with a wooden stick that the kids may have wanted some grub. I was over at my buddy's house eating. I think she had that feeling. Oh my god, my horrible parents. They owe so much money to my friends. You realize I paid my friend's dad's rent for his apartment for three months like a month ago.

13:46 Drew I thought you bought him a TV.

13:48 Adam I bought him a TV, too. I am slowly paying back everyone I've eaten out of house and home growing up.

13:54 Drew How's he doing? Is he okay?

13:55 Adam He's all right. He could be better. He's not doing as good as he was when I was eating him out of house and home and riding his motorcycles around the desert. But I swear to god, if my dad had any kind of spine at all, he'd go over there by the guy big screen. Jessica?

14:09 Caller Yes.

14:09 Adam You're 28 still, right?

14:12 Caller Yes.

14:12 Drew All right.

14:12 Adam So how long have you known your husband?

14:14 Caller Two years.

14:15 Drew Two years. Thank you. Had you ever slept with him before or slept overnight with him or anything?

14:21 Caller No.

14:21 Drew Did you know, is there anything about him we should know in terms of his history or kind of person he is?

14:27 Caller Not that I, there's nothing odd, no.

14:29 Drew Okay.

14:30 Adam Now, why is it that when he does this in his sleep, you just excuse yourself to the sofa?

14:37 Drew Kick him.

14:38 Caller I don't know how to react.

14:41 Drew Do you guys have sex?

14:43 Caller Of course. Yeah.

14:45 Adam Do you feel taken advantage of or?

14:49 Caller I feel inadequate, actually.

14:50 Adam When he masturbates in his sleep?

14:51 Caller Yeah.

14:52 Adam I, by the way, am going on two days. No wonder that explains a lot, Mr. Wow. That's right. Well over two days. A new indoor record.

15:06 Drew Oh, Ann looks concerned.

15:07 Adam Yeah. No, I'm all right.

15:09 Drew You're sick. You're sick.

15:10 Adam Why? I like to throw myself a curveball every once in a while. I keep it real.

15:14 Drew Yeah.

15:15 Adam You know what I'm saying?

15:15 Drew Yeah.

15:17 Caller All right.

15:17 Adam Hey, Jessica.

15:18 Caller Yes.

15:19 Adam Yeah. You sound very upset.

15:20 Well, I'm a little distraught. Yes.

15:21 Adam Yeah. Why? But okay. Why are you so freaked out about this?

15:25 Caller Why? From a religious aspect, this is, I mean, to me, it's masturbation is wrong, especially when you're married.

15:31 Drew Why?

15:34 Caller I was just taught that.

15:34 Adam How is it especially when you're married, Partka?

15:37 Caller Because I'm his wife. I'm supposed to be able to be, he's supposed to be able to rely on me for to satisfy his needs.

15:42 Adam All right. Well, why don't you wake him up about 3 a.m. and give him a BJ every night?

15:45 Caller I usually do actually. So that's why it bothers me when he does this.

15:48 Drew You wake him up and you-

15:49 Caller Yeah.

15:50 Adam In the middle?

15:51 Caller We're newlyweds. I mean, come on, this is normal. It is? I mean, for me to do that, yeah.

15:56 Adam Drew, you didn't get this on your honeymoon. Are you kidding? Hold on, Jessica?

16:01 Caller Yes.

16:03 Adam You sound disturbed.

16:04 Caller I am.

16:05 Adam Yeah, but you sound not just about this incident. You sound like an angry person. Are you an angry person?

16:12 Caller Not at all.

16:13 Adam Really?

16:14 Drew Yeah.

16:16 Adam What is your faith?

16:18 Caller I am LDS.

16:20 Adam Latter-day Saints. What is that? Is that Jehovah's Witness?

16:23 Caller Mormon.

16:24 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake. No wonder you're not some. Listen, where do you guys go when you die?

16:30 Caller Heaven.

16:31 Adam All right. Why don't you just go there?

16:33 Drew Why is it you have such rigid beliefs about masturbation or remarriage? Did some clergy specifically went over this with you, or is this your own concocted idea?

16:41 Caller No, we're just taught that that masturbation is wrong.

16:44 Drew Yeah. Who teaches you that?

16:46 Adam Who did that? I like to put a bullet in that guy's head. Who says that?

16:51 Drew Where are you taught that?

16:51 Adam I like to whack off on his Bible.

16:53 Drew Where are you taught that?

16:54 Adam Stick some of those pages together. All right. Hey, Jessica?

16:57 Caller This is supposed to be calling you because you're not making fun of me. Yes.

17:02 Adam Okay. Hold on a second, would you please?

17:04 Drew Not an angry person at all.

17:05 Adam Yeah. She's an angry person.

17:07 Drew Oh, yeah.

17:08 Adam Now granted, we're a-holes. I'll give us that, but Jessica is angry too.

17:12 Drew Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to get some information from her.

17:15 Adam All right. Go ahead.

17:17 Drew Jessica? Okay. Where were you taught this? Somebody specifically taught you this? Or this is just a general sort of consensus? Are you there?

17:25 Adam All right. Listen. Jessica? What?

17:30 Drew Yeah.

17:32 Adam She's so inconvenienced. Oh, my God. I don't know why though. I'll tell you, this Jessica, she's like a loose tooth that hurts that I can't stop fiddling with. I'm compelled to go back to her. Jessica? Yes. All right. Listen. Let me ask you a few questions. Forget about the doctor. You got a real man here. First off, I could give you some atheist love, the likes of which you'd never forget. Nobody loves like an atheist. Remember that. What's your name?

17:57 Caller My husband is not a member.

17:59 Drew What is? Oh, well, that's why he's not a member of LDS.

18:04 Caller No, he's not.

18:04 Adam So how is it you guys can have a relationship when you are your Mormon and he's not?

18:11 Caller Because I love him. And to me, my personal belief of it is that I'm not asking him to convert to be with me because he'd be converting for the wrong reasons.

18:19 Adam And what is he?

18:21 He is Presbyterian.

18:24 Caller That's the church he attends. Yeah.

18:26 Drew Atheist.

18:27 Adam Is that an atheist?

18:28 Caller No.

18:28 Adam Is it like atheist that don't want to risk it?

18:32 Drew But so Jessica, he doesn't have the same beliefs you have at all.

18:35 Caller So for him, we have the same foundation. Yes.

18:37 Drew So for him, masturbation is something completely normal.

18:39 Caller He says he just doesn't realize he's doing it.

18:42 Adam All right. Well, maybe he doesn't.

18:43 Drew But does he have any concerns about it?

18:45 Caller Excellent concern about his masturbation.

18:47 Drew Right.

18:47 Caller No.

18:48 Drew No. For him, it's completely normal. Let's just get to establish that fact.

18:52 Adam He's fine with masturbation. You're a little freaked out about it.

18:55 Caller I'm freaked out more for the fact that we have been married for a week and a half, and I'm waking up finding my husband doing this.

19:02 Adam I understand that.

19:03 Caller And it's humiliating enough for me to have to call in on this and then get the abuse. No, I am not an angry person. I'm calling because a friend of mine suggested to do it.

19:11 Drew Hang on. Listen, just hang in. Now, the fact is, he's not necessarily doing anything abnormal or unusual, okay? And unless you can start to have a discussion about that, it's hard to sort of talk to you about this.

19:25 Adam How are you going to talk to someone who's Mormon, though?

19:27 Drew Well, let's just...

19:28 Caller Let's leave the fate out of it alone, please.

19:30 Adam You bitch! I know, I know, but it's so retarded, you know?

19:34 Drew Well, that's her belief, and listen, it's valid.

19:37 Adam I know, but what if I believed in Santa or the Easter Bunny? Would you want to have a conversation with me?

19:42 Drew If you're a mass player?

19:43 Adam Answer me.

19:43 That's your belief.

19:44 Adam About anything?

19:45 That's your belief.

19:45 Drew Yeah, I do believe in people.

19:46 Adam All right, so if I told you I was into the Easter Bunny, you wouldn't hold it against me if we tried to have a logical conversation.

19:50 That is your belief.

19:51 Caller You're entitled to that.

19:53 Drew But the point... Let's just talk about in terms of health and not health. Can we have that discussion?

19:56 Caller Thank you.

19:56 Drew Okay. Now, your beliefs are fine. You've had stable relationships before? And you've not been abused, you've had no problems that way?

20:04 Caller Well, when I was a child, yeah.

20:05 Drew What happened when you were a child?

20:07 Caller I was molested as a child.

20:08 Drew Okay. Well, that is the problem here, you understand? And the real concern, of course, is that you would find another abuser of some type, which somebody who has a history of molestation often will do.

20:18 Adam Uh-oh. Who molested you?

20:20 Caller My stepfather.

20:21 Adam Oh, boy.

20:22 Drew Oh, boy. Was he LDS, too?

20:23 Caller No.

20:25 Drew So the LDS is sort of a salvation for you, as a way of getting away from all that stuff, right?

20:29 Caller I guess.

20:31 Drew It helped you. It helped you, right? That's great. That's fine. Adam, please, think about all the people we deal with.

20:36 Adam Hey, listen, I wish everybody who was either heading for prison or had something horrible done to them found Jesus Christ or whoever, a Jehovah or whoever, Allah, whoever. Well, not Allah. He's Troublemaker, but the rest of the guys. The guys who find Allah still are involved with crime for some reason, but the guy, Jesus Christ, that'd be a good guy.

20:55 Drew Thank you. Yeah.

20:56 Adam Allah's a little dangerous.

20:57 Drew So the A, on one hand, we're concerned about who the guy is that you would be attracted to. So that's a concern. But then again, you've been in a community where you've been connected and that you may be over some of that stuff. But secondly, any sort of expression of sexuality that's not very contained is going to be very threatening to you. And you really, whether you do it through the church, whether you get some professional counseling, it would be a good idea to actually get some couples counseling.

21:19 Adam Little couples counseling.

21:20 Drew Yeah, because for him to be masturbating, let's be real here, masturbating in his sleep, in his marital bed, in his cannibial bed, one week into marriage, little over the top, especially when she's waking up middle of the night to give him blowjobs. On top of that, so he's probably a sexual compulsive, he would probably be abused too.

21:37 Adam Listen, you would imagine spending the weekend over that path?

21:42 Drew And by the way, with that history, that's for the hostilities.

21:46 Adam Yeah, I picked up a little hostility there. And I guess if you get molested, you get a little hostile. Hey.

21:53 Drew Hey, you're entitled.

21:54 Adam Hey, I told you, my dad missed a couple of Pop Warner football games. I'm angry. If he goosed me, that'd be it. Oh, he's lucky he didn't do that.

22:03 Oh, man.

22:05 Adam Every night at 11 o'clock would be, let's terrorize him. Terror Adam's dad, a new A-hole. Oh, thank God, no one in my family has energy to listen to the show. We will take ourselves an extended break. Drew, who are we going to talk to when we come back?

22:21 Drew Let's do this one.

22:22 Adam All right, let's talk to Jake.

22:24 Drew Jake is 26. He wants to stay on the theme here.

22:25 Adam Yeah, he masturbates and he wants to have a baby with wife. He wants to know about his low sperm count after he masturbates. And again, we're on, let me try to figure this out. We're on two days, eight hours, 26 minutes and 30 seconds since I've masturbated.

22:42 Drew You need to have windbreakers made up. Jesus Christ in heaven.

22:47 You know what I'm saying, I'm dead.

22:49 Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

23:04 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, and it's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. The Vandals will be in here tomorrow night. Talk to them. All right, Drew, you ready to hop back on the phone?

23:21 Drew I am ready.

23:22 Adam Jake?

23:23 Caller Yeah.

23:23 Adam Hey, Jake.

23:25 Caller Hey.

23:25 Drew Dude.

23:26 Adam What's happening, dude?

23:27 Caller Hey, two days, huh, Adam? That's pretty good, man.

23:30 Adam Two days, eight hours. Thank you.

23:32 Drew Jake, what's your personal best, just for charity?

23:35 Caller What's that? Yeah.

23:36 Adam How long have you gone without masturbating?

23:39 Caller Well, I haven't really, you really tried that yet.

23:41 Adam Yeah, you don't push yourself too hard.

23:43 Caller I've been basically masturbating all about every day of my life.

23:47 Right.

23:48 Adam Since the second grade?

23:49 Drew Since the third.

23:50 Caller Yeah, whenever I discovered that.

23:52 Adam Yeah.

23:52 Caller And so, and I've been married for two years. My wife wants to have a baby, and just found out that I have a really high sperm count, but a really low, low motility rate.

24:06 Drew You smoke pot?

24:07 Caller What's that?

24:08 Drew Smoke a bunch of pot?

24:09 Caller No, no. I haven't smoked pot in about eight years.

24:12 Adam Do you surf?

24:14 Caller Yeah.

24:14 Adam All right. Well, we knew it was one or the other. Surfing is really like smoking pods, basically doing nothing, hanging out with idiots all day.

24:23 Caller You get the same high, I guess.

24:25 Drew Yeah. You do anything else?

24:27 Caller No, no. I mountain bike a lot, but... Yeah.

24:32 Drew I wonder if that could be doing something.

24:35 Caller I mean, I'm just wondering if it's the masturbation, if it's the fact that I...

24:38 Drew No, I don't see how it could affect motility. That's more of medication, drugs, alcohol.

24:44 Adam You know, I see all these commercials now for these sport utilities vehicles. By the way, which I've never seen a sport utility vehicle up in the mountains. I always see them in the parking lot at the Gelsons. That's why they got those brush guards on the taillights in case they back up into a shopping cart. But in the commercials, they got the Yakima rack on there that's made out of aircraft, titanium and stuff. And there's a new thing that's going on in these commercials. A lot of people running in the wilderness, you know, doing what I would call like extreme jogging or something. They're wearing like a waffle stomp or tennis shoe and they're running through a stream or just almost like sprinting up a mountain or something. I don't think this actually goes on. I don't think anyone does this in real life.

25:28 Drew Not that you drive a car to do.

25:30 Adam No. No. I think there's people who jog. I think most people who are out on trails walk. And once in a while you see someone jogging on a trail. But you never see a guy just running through a stream or through the woods. If you did, you'd assume a bear was chasing him. And to make it even more unrealistic, like hot chicks on their own out in the wilderness running. Nope. Never seen it. Never even seen a good looking chick in the woods. Good looking chicks don't go to the woods. Good looking women talk about liking to camp because they seem more accessible, but they never actually go.

26:08 Drew If they had gone, they would have had some bad experiences.

26:11 Adam That's right. Because as you know, the word camping should be changed to raping because that's what happens when you camp. You have sex. Jenny? Jenny, you're 20. What's going on?

26:25 Caller Okay, well I have two questions actually. The first one is...

26:33 Drew The phone connection is kind of goofy, but go ahead real quick.

26:35 Caller Okay. First of all, after I have sex with my partner, I'm always sore for like days afterwards and it hurts to even have intercourse again.

26:46 Adam All right. It hurts. You know, as bad as your vagina hurts, my ears hurt from that phone you're using.

26:51 Drew Why don't you ask how long they are going at it before that happens?

26:54 Adam Hold on. My vagina hurts. Okay. Jenny?

26:58 Caller Yes.

26:59 Adam That seems better.

27:00 Caller Yeah.

27:02 Caller Okay.

27:02 Caller All right.

27:04 Adam How long do you have sex before you get sore?

27:07 Caller It can be a short time and it can be a long time. It really doesn't matter. Every time it hurts.

27:13 Drew When it's a short time, how long is it?

27:16 Caller Ten minutes.

27:17 Drew And do you use condoms?

27:19 Caller No.

27:20 Drew Is there anything else we should know? Do you have herpes, warts?

27:24 Caller No. Both of us don't have anything.

27:27 Drew Do you lubricate normally?

27:29 Caller No. We used to not to, but now we've started to since it started hurting.

27:33 Drew But do you lubricate normally? Do you, do you, not do you?

27:37 Caller Oh, no. I don't think I do actually. But I've been putting like medicine like Vagisil on lately.

27:44 Caller Yeah.

27:45 Caller It's helped a little bit. It's still sore.

27:47 Adam Vagisil. That's not lubrication, is it?

27:50 Drew Well, I think maybe she has a yeast infection or something that's getting stirred up by all this.

27:54 Adam A little safety tip. Don't brush your teeth with that Vagisil. Tried it once in junior high. Not a great point.

28:00 Drew I got a full toothbrush of Desitin.

28:02 Adam Oh, really?

28:03 Drew Lovely.

28:04 Adam I'm going to do a coffee table book. What celebrities have brushed your teeth with what? Everyone has a story about brushing your teeth with something other than toothpaste. Everyone. I think Vagisil puts me in the elite fraternity.

28:19 Drew It's too fitting for you. It's almost like we expected.

28:22 Adam Yeah. My buddy Ray wiped his face with a tux medicated hemorrhoid pad, which I always seem to enjoy.

28:28 Drew For a while though, right?

28:30 Adam No, just one night. Thought it was a Strydex pad. Turned out it was something you would tuck in your ass. He was wiping his face down with it. Very funny to see someone wipe their face with something that goes in someone's ass. All right. Jenny.

28:44 Caller Yeah.

28:45 Adam How about using some regular lubrication? See what happens. You know, some KY or something.

28:50 Caller Well, we've tried doing it for about a week or two now and it's still.

28:53 Drew All right. Now, have you tried monistat or something specifically for used?

28:59 Caller No, just that Vagisil.

29:01 Drew I have to see what's in Vagisil. Why don't you try monistat? A. B. Are you on the pill?

29:05 Caller Yes.

29:06 Drew And have you been on the pill the entire time you guys have been having sex?

29:09 Caller Yes.

29:10 Adam Let's try some Colgate. Even things out a little. Make me feel better about myself.

29:13 Drew You see your only partner? Yes. So the entire time you have been having sex with this person on the pill?

29:21 Adam Yes.

29:21 Drew It's possible this is a side effect of the pill.

29:24 Adam Really?

29:24 Drew Yes. The pill can dry some women out sometime.

29:28 Adam Jasmine? You're fourteen? Oh baby. You're depressed. What's the matter?

29:41 Caller Well, a couple months ago, I was babysitting at a family member's house and my second cousin that was in from Mexico, he came home early and he was pretty drunk and it was this infant and she was in her crib and he raped me and before that, I had another cousin that kind of fondled me and I told my family about it.

30:12 Drew Good.

30:12 Caller And well, they didn't believe me and it broke my family apart.

30:20 Drew So now you're afraid to tell anybody because last time was such a disaster.

30:23 Caller Yeah. And I just made my mom and my grandma fight and no one liked to believe me and it was just really bad.

30:29 Adam Wait a minute. How old was your cousin that was in for Mexico?

30:34 Caller Well, the first one, the first time it happened, he was 19. And then when my other cousin raped me, I think he was like 30.

30:46 Drew This was how long ago?

30:47 Adam No. Wait a minute.

30:48 Drew 30 year old.

30:48 Adam The cousin that's in for Mexico raped you. How old is he?

30:52 Caller I think he's like 30.

30:54 Caller 30.

30:55 Adam I see. And is your dad around?

30:58 Caller No, I never met my dad.

31:00 Adam You never met your dad? And this cousin is someone on your mother's side?

31:05 Caller Yeah.

31:06 Adam What's he doing in for Mexico?

31:07 Caller He was visiting.

31:09 Adam I see. Visiting. Hold on, Drew, write that down.

31:12 Drew It's very pertinent. He was here. He was traveling.

31:14 Adam Has he gone back to Mexico?

31:16 Caller I don't know because I haven't really been to any family function and that's the only place that I would see him is at family function.

31:25 Adam Didn't this just happen?

31:27 Caller It happened like four months ago.

31:30 Drew Why didn't you run to the police right away?

31:33 Caller Because the first time I ran to the police and I'm just like scared now and I don't want to break up my family.

31:39 Drew The first time you went to the police?

31:40 Caller Yeah, the first time I went to the police when the first time he fondled me.

31:47 Adam You say he. Was this the same guy?

31:49 I thought this was a different guy.

31:50 Caller No, it was a different guy the first time.

31:52 Drew They're all just he.

31:53 Adam Yeah, I see. Oh boy. And dad's not around. Listen, are you guys Mexican?

31:58 Caller Yeah.

31:58 Adam Listen, break up the family. You got enough of you to go around. How many of them there? How many are you?

32:06 Caller How many what?

32:07 Adam How many in your family?

32:09 Caller I don't even know. There's a lot.

32:11 Adam Yeah, there you go. Break up. You better on your own. What do you need your family for? All they do is rape you and funnel you.

32:19 Caller I had a question like, I've kind of been seeing this guy, but when guys touch me or someone like goes to touch me, I get really uncomfortable.

32:30 Adam All right, baby.

32:32 Drew Why don't you at least get some counseling for the rape?

32:34 Adam Give her a number.

32:36 Caller I'm scared because I'm afraid that it's going to go back to my family and I don't want that.

32:43 Adam Hold on, hold on. You keep saying your family. Your dad's not around.

32:47 Caller Like my mom and my... Because it just ruined my mom, my grandma, my aunt.

32:54 Adam Who do you live with?

32:55 Caller My mom.

32:56 Adam Just your mom?

32:57 Caller My mom, my brother, and my sister.

32:59 Adam Okay. So the four of you live together?

33:02 Caller Yeah.

33:02 Adam Okay. You could go get some counseling and wouldn't have to get back to that.

33:06 Drew Right. You can just go to a great group. By the way, if your mother and your grandmother are having difficulties, that's their problem.

33:12 Adam Yeah. And I wonder.

33:13 Drew You were an innocent victim.

33:15 Adam Yeah. I wonder what happened to them growing up.

33:16 Drew Exactly.

33:17 Adam I wonder where dad is.

33:18 Drew Yeah. What kind of guy he was?

33:20 Caller Yeah. My grandpa was an alcoholic and he used to abuse my mom.

33:24 Drew Shocking.

33:25 Adam Shocking.

33:26 Drew I'm so surprised.

33:27 Caller And my grandma. But.

33:29 Adam Stop. Those are lies. We refuse to believe them. Okay. Listen, Jasmine. Here's your goal in life. Do not turn out like the rest of your crappy family. All right. Don't get screwed up. Don't get pregnant. Don't get strung out on drugs. Stay in school. Get a little rape counseling. Not every guy is your cousin. Not every guy is your dad. Not every guy is a rapist. Although watch out. You may be attracted to guys that aren't so good sometimes.

33:57 Caller All right.

33:59 Adam But don't get pregnant. Don't have ten kids. Stay in school and get out of the family. Go off to college and have a good life. And, Drew, give her a phone number.

34:11 Drew 800.

34:12 Adam Write this down, Jasmine.

34:13 Caller Okay.

34:17 Drew 800-540-4000.

34:22 Adam All right. Call them up and ask them.

34:25 Caller Okay.

34:26 Drew Give another one. 800. One more. 800-422-4453.

34:32 Adam That was the number to the Pet Boys in Alhambra? No. What are those numbers, Drew?

34:37 Drew Child Abuse Hotline and Child Help USA. All right.

34:40 Adam Jasmine, call those numbers. Okay. Take care of yourself. Don't worry about you screwed up mom and whacked out grandma.

34:46 Caller Okay.

34:46 Adam I know you respect them, but you don't necessarily have to. Listen, everybody. You don't have to like people just because they're your parents. You really don't. You certainly don't have to respect them. It's funny. It's like the worse the parent is, the more the kid respects them.

35:01 Drew Protects the idealized image is what that is. The kids get physically abused like it was for my own good. I needed it. I was misbehaving. Right. Wait a minute. Think what an egregious a-hole is required to raise their hand or a stick or whatever the hell to a five-year-old.

35:16 Adam Right.

35:17 Drew How much of an a-hole do you have to be?

35:18 Adam But Drew, let's be honest. Our parents weren't that bad. We hate them.

35:24 Drew They weren't that bad.

35:24 Adam Your parents weren't that bad, really?

35:26 Drew That's true.

35:26 Adam No, but you got some beefs with them.

35:28 Caller Sure.

35:29 Adam Dad, Mr. Cheap Pockets, rambling, alcoholic mouth, I mean, there's problems there, right? Listen, I know my parents are big pain in the ass too. They didn't even do anything to me. That's part of my argument really, but nothing egregious, no beatings, no sexual abuse.

35:47 Drew You had a significantly worse history than I had.

35:51 Adam They raised me like people raise a cankilla. They just left me out in the yard.

35:56 Drew Right.

35:56 Adam Get a little sunshine. Thank God I was a succulent. Actually, I went to other people's yards and ate, but here's my point. We never try to protect our parents, do we? I certainly don't. I know you don't either. Not when this microphone's off. And yet we have people whose parents are alcoholics, whose parents are abusive, physically abusive, emotionally abusive, and yet they protect them.

36:20 Drew Which is bizarre.

36:21 Adam Yes, please stop protecting them, especially when they're not doing a good job. Your mom, you get raped by your cousin, you tell your mom she doesn't believe you or blames you. That's not a good mom. That's a mom who was abused or raped herself. You should feel sorry for her perhaps, but don't protect her. You protect yourself. You take care of yourself. Thank you. You want to take a break here, Drift? Thank you. All right, when we come back, we'll speak to Kat. She can only orgasm when she watches porn or uses her vibrator. Wait a minute, hold on a second. Kat? Yes? Are you attractive? I think so, yes. Okay, good. All right, that'll keep me going. I'm masturbated now. What's it been? Two days, eight hours and 39 minutes. Oh.

37:05 Caller No.

37:05 Adam 41 seconds.

37:06 Drew Yeah, it's 19 minutes and five seconds before the top of the hour.

37:08 Caller Right.

37:08 Adam That may all change before we come back out of our next break.

37:13 Caller Thank you.

37:14 Adam Hang on there, Kat. We'll be back with you and your masturbatory problems after this.

37:19 Drew Hello? Is this Loveline?

37:20 Call 1-800-LOVE-191.

37:23 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

37:37 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

37:40 Drew You're going to be gassed up.

37:42 Adam Yeah. That's the Loveline, baby. This is my favorite job.

37:48 Drew Your only job now?

37:49 Adam It's my only job.

37:51 Drew Except for all those things you're supposed to be doing.

37:54 Adam I know.

37:54 Drew How are those things going?

37:55 Adam The stuff I'm supposed to be doing? Yeah. I don't want to do it.

37:58 Drew Well, it's good because you're not.

37:59 Adam I'm the world's worst celebrity.

38:01 Drew Yeah.

38:01 Adam I don't want to do anything. I want to stay home.

38:04 Drew Fly your planes.

38:06 Adam That's right. I want to fly my model airplanes and I want to build stuff in my new wood shop. I don't want to go to any movie openings. I don't want to go to any premieres. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do nothing. Like, I was thinking, you know, I was thinking about like Jim Carrey, you know, Grinch is coming out or Robert De Niro. Robert De Niro, you know, they'll have a couple movies out at once. Do you know what I'm saying? He's got he's got where the parents aren't. No, Meet the Parents. There's that monkey with it. I understand the parents in the Diving Bell movie out coming out. They're coming out in the same week. I mean, one's been out a few weeks. The other ones came out when we just just off the heels of Rocky and Bullwinkle, men of honor, fresh off the heels of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Why? It's got millions and millions of dollars. Relax. But there are people that like, you know, you know, if I made millions and millions of dollars, you know what I'd have? First off, I'd have a wood shop in a bunker and I'd have an underground wood shop. I'd have the world's first underground wood shop.

38:59 Drew Just in case something happened.

39:00 Adam I'd be down in my underground wood shop working on projects all day and never coming out. If I saw light, it'd be like Howard Hughes. Like, oh my God, I've had a beard down on my knees. I'd be wearing Kleenex boxes on my feet.

39:13 Drew That'd be it.

39:13 Adam I'd never go out. I don't understand it. Why work? If you've got tons of money. Listen, all you people listening to me, would you keep working if you had a ton of money?

39:22 Drew I was working on his work. The one thing Hasselhoff doing TV, you know, nine days a week.

39:26 Adam Rocky and Bullwinkle?

39:27 Drew Yeah, but we are using them.

39:28 Adam He's De Niro. He's De Niro. What's he doing Rocky and Bullwinkle for? He's got a ton of money in the bank. He's done Goodfellas and a whole bunch of other great movies. What's he doing Rocky and Bullwinkle for? Are you kidding me? Oh, he produced it, Anderson said. There's an even better argument. What is he doing it for? Why is Jim Carrey doing it? Why is Jim Carrey making movies? I was thinking about Jim Carrey with the Grinch that stole Christmas. You see on entertainment tonight, he spent 14 hours a day in that makeup. I've had like a wig and a mustache put on me before I went nuts. I've had like a fake mustache stuck on me. I've like, you ever put a party hat on your dog? Watch it go crazy. You put like a hat on your dog or a pair of sunglasses or strap something on your dog's head immediately. The kid does it. The kid takes a little party hat with the elastic strap, puts it on the dog. Dog starts running into the sofa and grinding its head into the pillow. Takes his paw and starts swiping at it. I could not, I couldn't have a fake mustache on for a half hour and went nuts. The Grinch, 14 hours, no way. No way. If I had a bank account that had $30 million in it, you think I'd be wearing that yak outfit for 14 hours? That's effed up.

40:44 That really pleases my homosexual palate.

40:47 Adam You're crazy. All these people are crazy. They have to be. They wouldn't do it.

40:51 Drew But it's crazy and it's crazy, okay, for one thing.

40:53 Adam There's crazy and there's needy. They need it, they need it.

40:56 Drew But think about people that do great things, you know, in general.

41:01 Adam Mostly effed up people.

41:03 Drew So you're making a case against people doing exceptional things.

41:06 Adam That's right, stay home. Dig yourself a nice...

41:08 Drew I don't understand you clear what you're suggesting.

41:10 Adam No, but listen, all these people who people worship to some degree, like Jim Carrey, nuts, got to be nuts. All these actor guys, nuts.

41:20 Drew He's got a wild... Jim's got a wild history.

41:22 Adam Nuts.

41:23 Drew Right, lives in that car and stuff.

41:25 Adam Listen, I would have never gotten by... I would have never gotten past the mask, fire him. I would have done that, would have been the last thing I would have done until I was done spending that money. Stay home, everybody. Come to my bunker with me. Try to make some money so I don't have to work. Kat?

41:42 Yes.

41:42 Adam You're 24. What's up?

41:46 Caller Okay. First of all...

41:49 Adam Oh yeah, yeah, you're good looking.

41:51 Caller You asked me that.

41:53 Adam Yeah, that's right. I remember when you announced to the world that you were good looking. That's right.

41:58 Drew There's nothing to lose about saying... How do you answer that when you're talking to the radio?

42:02 Adam You're on the radio.

42:03 Caller Nobody knows. Yes, I'm good looking.

42:07 Adam Hey, I'm hot. I admit it.

42:09 Caller There's no shame in that.

42:11 Adam I'm proud. I'm very proud of my body. I like to show it off.

42:14 Caller Huh.

42:17 Caller Okay.

42:18 Caller Yeah.

42:19 Caller I'm nervous because I'm sort of mortified about this, but okay. I can only really have orgasms whenever either, this isn't, I don't do this, I'm not like a compulsive masturbator or something, but if I'm going to have an orgasm, either I have to use some sort of mechanical device like vibrator or something.

42:43 Drew Let me stop you too. A compulsive masturbator is not a term that Adam is willing to acknowledge exists. Right. There's no such thing right now?

42:50 Adam Absolutely.

42:51 Drew There's nothing in excess there.

42:53 Adam Compulsive gambler, compulsive drinking, and there's folks who can compulsively gamble on masturbation.

43:00 Caller No.

43:00 Adam But not compulsive masturbators. No. How often do you masturbate?

43:05 Caller It really depends upon the time of the month. I'm real in tune with my cycle and I can tell, like I definitely am more in the mood when it's right before my period or during it. In rut.

43:18 Adam Yeah, I see.

43:18 Caller So it depends. But I mean, the absolute most is like four times a week. Like that's like going extreme. Normally it's like twice a week.

43:30 Adam Twice a week. I see. All right. You use a vibrator.

43:32 Caller Yes.

43:33 Adam What kind of vibrator?

43:34 Caller Actually, I have two different ones. Just like they're not anything fancy.

43:40 Adam I see.

43:40 Caller Just like regular old kind of deal.

43:43 Adam I see. Now, what's your question then?

43:46 Caller Well, I'm trying to figure out. It's something that has started to bother me because it's been going on for quite a long time. There's been maybe three or four times ever that I've actually just flat out had an orgasm with a guy.

44:03 Drew Without mechanical assistance.

44:04 Caller Yeah, without involving something else. I can have one and what confuses me is if I am watching some sort of pornography or like reading something like that, I will get and that's by myself or with somebody else, I'll get worked up enough that I actually will have one.

44:25 Drew Reading without any system.

44:27 Adam Oh, you chicks are so nuts with the reading. I cannot keep an erection and read at the same time. It's a wood killer for me.

44:34 Caller But that kind of, like I know that it's actually not a real, I know it's something that's going on probably emotionally or in my head because I know that physically there's nothing wrong with me because I have them.

44:44 Adam Slow down a little bit.

44:45 Drew What's the question? What's the question?

44:46 Caller Well, I'm trying to figure out how I can actually have them when I'm with somebody.

44:51 Drew Be in love with that person.

44:52 Caller Yeah. Well, okay.

44:55 Adam All right. Hey, listen, hold on, hold on. Do you have a boyfriend?

44:58 Caller Yes, I do.

44:58 Adam All right. Do you love him?

44:59 Caller I absolutely do.

45:00 Adam Does he give you oral sex?

45:02 Caller Yes, he does.

45:03 Adam Do you have an orgasm?

45:04 Caller No.

45:05 Adam Why not?

45:06 Caller That's my question.

45:07 Adam What if you put a porn movie on?

45:11 Caller Yes, I can.

45:12 Adam Okay. Well, put the porn movie on.

45:13 Drew Maybe back off the vibrator for a little while.

45:15 Adam Yeah.

45:16 Drew Because it might be desensitizing you some.

45:18 Adam That thing's, yeah, your vagina is like a pitchfork. It's still vibrating.

45:23 Drew And then be, a tuning fork.

45:25 Adam Yes, a tuning fork.

45:26 Drew Not a pitchfork.

45:26 Adam Oh, I'm sorry, not a pitchfork. Well, there is a pitch to it though. Yeah, I see. I'm sorry, like a tuning fork. You whack that tuning fork, and long after you whack it, it's still vibrating.

45:38 Drew So to speak. But lay off the whacking and also communicate clearly to the partner about what it is you need.

45:44 Adam Pitchfork. All right, you're right, Drew, for what? We'll take a little break. We'll be back after this.

45:50 We'll be back in a minute.

46:30 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That'd be Dr. Drew over there. The Vandals are being here tomorrow night. And the phone number here is 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. We'll hop back on the phone. So speak to Pete. Pete's 21, Pete.

46:45 Caller Yeah, what's up, Adam? How are you doing?

46:47 Adam Good, Pete.

46:48 Caller Yo, first of all, I believe you wear hamburger on your feet. And Steven Spiller, he should do a movie about Adam hamburger feet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm good looking too, right? Whoa, Pete. Yeah, and I'm a compulsive, masturbator, gambler, alcoholic.

47:03 Adam Yeah.

47:05 Caller Yeah.

47:06 Drew Don't leave the pot out. That's definitely there.

47:09 Caller No. No way.

47:11 Adam No. You sound like Joe Walsh. Are you kidding me? How much weed do you smoke every day?

47:20 Caller Well, you know, I'm the biggest smoker in Madison, Wisconsin.

47:23 Adam Really?

47:24 Drew Think about that.

47:25 Caller Yeah, Cypress Hill has nothing on me. Yeah.

47:28 Adam Well, Pete, it served you well, brother.

47:30 Drew Yeah. We never would have known. It hasn't changed a thing. We can change you one bit.

47:33 Adam You're on a fast track to success. I can see that.

47:36 Caller Oh, yeah.

47:37 Caller I hope so.

47:38 Adam Yeah. When are you moving out of the folks' garage?

47:40 Caller Oh. Seriously. Next November.

47:44 Adam Where do you live?

47:45 Caller Madison, Wisconsin.

47:46 Adam Yeah.

47:46 Drew But where?

47:48 Caller I live in my best friend's garage. Living room.

47:53 Drew Nice.

47:54 Adam It's ironic.

47:55 Drew He was kicked out of his parents' garage to live with a friend's living room.

47:57 Adam It's ironic that the one room of the house that has the word living in it, is the biggest loser room to actually live in. It's ironic that when you're living in the living room, that's bad.

48:10 Drew That is bad. It's almost better to be in the dog house.

48:13 Adam It's better to die in the living room than to live in the living room. I don't know why that's such a bad deal. It's sort of one of those things, it's like the people who brag about having three jobs. That's always bad too. The more jobs you have, the worse it is for some reason. And whenever you're living in that living room, it's a bad scene. Why are you living, and by the way, you don't live in a living room, you flop in a living room. You crash in a living room.

48:38 Caller That's true.

48:40 Adam What do you do for a living?

48:41 Caller Right now, I am a self-employed...

48:44 Drew Bicycle technician.

48:46 Adam You carve bongs out of stuff that falls off of trees?

48:50 Caller Yeah, I actually made a bong out of a potato the other day.

48:53 Adam Good times.

48:54 Drew Whatever it takes.

48:56 Caller No, I'm a self-employed home improvement specialist.

48:59 Adam Oh boy.

49:00 Caller Yeah, I actually repair people's homes.

49:02 Adam Really?

49:03 Caller Yeah.

49:04 Adam Oh boy.

49:04 Caller Yeah, I paint them and I fix them.

49:07 Adam And you steal prescription medication when they're out?

49:10 Caller Exactly, in the bathroom.

49:12 Adam That's right, brother.

49:13 Drew Pete, do you have a question?

49:15 Caller Yeah, actually, I've been dating a girl who is a lot younger than I am right now. And she is actually my second cousin.

49:28 Adam How big a nightmare is it as a dad for Pete to show up at the door when the picture is related? 17 year old cousin. Yeah, cousin Pete showing up.

49:37 Caller Yeah, exactly. But actually, he's been giving me weed also.

49:42 Adam The dad?

49:43 Caller Yeah, he grows it.

49:44 Drew There you go.

49:45 Caller He grows it and hugs me up.

49:46 Drew Let me see. So you were like 19 and she was 15 when you started dating, right?

49:51 Caller Actually 20 and 16.

49:53 Drew 20 and 16. All right. So here's what attracts Pete to the 16, 15 year old. That's when he arrested his own development. That's when the pot got heavy. All right.

50:02 Adam First off, how dare you? Pete's mental arresting took place at 13 and a half.

50:06 Drew Yeah, you're right.

50:07 Adam And number two, yes.

50:09 Drew So he's dating an older chick.

50:12 Adam Chronologically, she's younger. Emotionally, I'm sure she's 100 years older than Pete is.

50:17 Drew Let's see when he really goes to the pot.

50:20 Adam Your seven year old is more mature than Pete.

50:23 Drew Pete.

50:24 Caller Hello.

50:24 Adam Hello.

50:25 Caller All right. When did you really get...

50:27 Adam When did you start smoking weed?

50:29 Caller When I was a sophomore in high school. So that's older than a lot of people.

50:35 Drew Oh, I know. But magically, I picked 15, Pete, because that's where you seem to be stuck.

50:39 Adam No, you're well...

50:41 Drew And that's interesting what is well known about... Particularly with pot is that people arrest their development at the age which they start using.

50:48 Adam Arrested. Yours is put in solitary. Forget about arresting. Yours was chained to a cot in solitary. Your development. And it's just arrested. Hey, Pete, listen. I know you're having a good time, but really, you're getting older and you got to mellow out a little bit.

51:04 Caller I know. And actually, I mean, our, like, I guess you could say, relationship hasn't exceeded to the point of sex yet.

51:15 Adam Exceeded?

51:16 Caller So you don't have to worry about intercourse.

51:19 Drew Remember the character that Wayne's brother used to do in jail? He used a lot of funny words.

51:24 Adam Yes.

51:25 Caller Yes, I did.

51:26 Adam In living color.

51:27 Drew In living color, exactly.

51:28 Adam Hi, Pete. So what he was?

51:30 Caller What my question was is how am I going to explain my relationship with my second cousin to my cousin, which is the mother of my girlfriend?

51:41 Drew Well, the dad already knows about it, right?

51:43 Caller Yeah, he does.

51:45 Drew That's usually the most significant.

51:46 Caller But mine doesn't, you know.

51:48 Drew But just have a-

51:48 Caller She's my cousin.

51:49 Adam Just have a ball and load and go tell her.

51:51 Caller Yeah?

51:52 Adam Or stop dating your cousin.

51:54 Caller No, we're not really dating, I mean.

51:57 Adam Yeah, I understand.

51:58 Drew Well, she's 17.

52:01 Adam Listen, she's going to be very disappointed that she's getting Pete, even if Pete was of no relation.

52:06 Drew Her mom is married to a whole dad that's given Pete pot. And she may not react that badly, although Pete seems to think she might.

52:14 Adam They're not married anymore, I guarantee they're divorced.

52:16 Drew Oh, really? Of course.

52:18 Adam That's why he knows and she doesn't know.

52:20 Drew Oh, geez.

52:20 Adam Right? Pete, those two are divorced, right?

52:23 Caller No, they're together.

52:24 Adam Why doesn't she know?

52:27 Caller I have no idea yet.

52:29 Drew Why don't you spend a little time over there, have some dinners over there, and let's slowly be known that you're dating.

52:36 Adam Listen, who cares?

52:38 Who cares?

52:39 Adam Pete, you got bigger fish to fry than that. You're flopping on someone's fold-out sofa and you smoke a kilo of weed every day. Listen, everybody, I don't want to appear to be Squaresville here. Pot's not a bad thing. It's not any worse than anything else you abuse.

52:56 Drew That's right.

52:57 Adam You abuse it.

52:58 Drew Well, but here's the thing about pot.

52:59 Adam You can tell.

53:00 Drew When there's addiction, it is sudden and it's intense. And people smoke it every day. That's it. It needs treatment after that.

53:07 Adam Yep. Eric, you're 20. What's up?

53:11 Caller Well, my fiance has been cheating on me. She's carrying my baby. She's about four and a half months pregnant. And I've mentioned it to her, said, well, are you seeing this guy named Jason? She's like, well, I don't even know him. And last weekend, I came home after if she wanted to go out to dinner and stuff. She said, no, she's going to go out running around with a couple of her friends. Really didn't think nothing of it. So me and my best friend Mike, we went to this club and here she is freak dancing with this guy, you know. I mean, she's rubbing all over and Jason, Jason.

53:50 Adam She's rubbing on Jason.

53:51 Caller Yep.

53:52 Adam And you and Mike are watching.

53:54 Caller Yep.

53:55 Drew Does she know you saw him?

53:56 Caller No, not really. I left the club before she saw me.

54:00 Drew Well, he's got that 20 year old energy, too. And there's a kid involved with this. Can you imagine that?

54:04 Adam I don't know. I think this may be bogus, though.

54:07 Caller So, yeah, I was just wondering what I should do about this, you know. I mean, considering we are engaged and we should be married here in another two months.

54:15 Drew I know what you're talking about. When you tune into them, it's like, whoa.

54:17 Adam How long have you been engaged?

54:19 Caller About four months now.

54:22 Adam Hold on. Let me tell it to Drew.

54:24 Caller Where?

54:25 Adam He has kind of a bogus energy.

54:26 Drew Let me ask quick, quick, quick.

54:27 Adam Okay.

54:28 Drew Hey, Eric? Yep. Where were you when you asked to marry her? Forget it.

54:34 Adam See you.

54:35 Drew Bye. Okay. Yeah.

54:36 Adam Nice try. Very good, Drew. That's why people have difficulty telling stories. Here's how you know people are lying. They have difficulty with specific information.

54:48 Drew Information that anyone who had been through it would know.

54:51 Adam Right.

54:52 Drew I mean, exactly where were you when this important thing happened? Not, how? Of course, I'm there now.

54:58 Adam Right.

55:00 Drew And by the way, he also that emptiness, there was nothing important about this.

55:04 Adam Now, 20-year-old guys when their girlfriends are banging another guy, their fiancees, pretty freaked out. You can feel it coming from their pores. You can feel that energy coming from them. I didn't feel anything coming from them.

55:16 Drew You're right. When you tune in, I had to stop and listen for a second.

55:21 Adam Drew and I have now taken turns listening. That was my call to listen to. Drew was leaning back working on Rubik's Cube. Chris?

55:29 Yeah?

55:30 Adam Turn your radio down, please.

55:31 All right. Turn it down.

55:32 Adam Okay. Chris is 21. What's up, Chris?

55:37 My girlfriend, her mom is just trying to run our relationship. My girlfriend, everything.

55:45 Adam Right. We missed a few words there.

55:49 Drew Your mom is ruining the relationship. What's she doing?

55:53 She tries to, she tells her to go out with other guys like her friends and stuff.

55:59 Drew How old is your girlfriend?

56:00 She's 20.

56:02 Drew Maybe the mom is concerned you guys are getting too serious.

56:04 Adam I'm with the mom. Hey, Chris, why is it you're 21? You sound like you're 16 or something.

56:10 Caller Just, I don't know.

56:11 Caller Smoke weed?

56:12 Caller No, not for a long time.

56:13 Adam Not for a while?

56:14 Caller No.

56:16 Adam As long as I've not masturbated?

56:19 Caller No.

56:20 Adam I see. What do you do?

56:22 Caller What do I do? I'm a student.

56:23 Adam Really?

56:24 Caller Yeah.

56:24 Adam Junior college, huh?

56:26 Caller Oh, yeah.

56:27 Adam That ain't a student. It's not fair that you guys call yourself students.

56:31 Drew What should they be called?

56:32 Adam Inmates.

56:32 Drew Studs?

56:33 Adam Studs. Inmates. Yeah, you guys are studs. All right. So where are you going to junior college, by the way? In Wyoming.

56:42 Caller I'm out here visiting one of my friends out in California.

56:45 Adam Nice.

56:45 Drew That's so pretty.

56:46 Adam All right. Wow. I'd like to go to junior college.

56:49 Drew Durango yesterday. Man, that was beautiful. Oh my God.

56:52 Adam All right. So how long have you been going out with this girl?

56:55 Caller About two years.

56:56 Adam And the mom doesn't like you yet?

56:59 Caller Not at all.

56:59 Adam She hates me. Why not? Why does she hate you? And don't tell us you don't know.

57:04 Caller They're a big Baptist family and I'm Catholic. I'm Roman Catholic. I think that has a big thing to do with it.

57:10 Adam No.

57:11 Drew No way.

57:11 Adam What's even the difference between Baptist and Catholic? Is there a big difference?

57:15 Caller I have no clue.

57:16 Drew If they were Catholic and you were Baptist, it would begin to make sense. Maybe.

57:20 Adam All right. Now that ain't it. Give us another good reason.

57:25 Caller She's Caucasian and I'm Hispanic.

57:29 Adam Start to buy that a little bit. You surely don't sound it. Even that, though.

57:32 Drew Even that. No, no.

57:34 Adam Really?

57:34 Drew Is there something about you that any mom wouldn't want to have her daughter dating?

57:40 Caller I'm a hippie, pretty much. All right.

57:42 Adam Well, maybe that's it. No count, as they used to say. You don't have a good job.

57:47 Drew What does hippie mean now, exactly?

57:49 Adam You're not on a fast track anywhere?

57:51 Caller No.

57:52 Adam What are you going to do with your life?

57:54 Caller What am I going to do?

57:55 Adam Yeah.

57:55 Caller I have no clue.

57:56 Adam All right. Well, maybe she's worried about her daughter's future. All right. Oh, for Christ's sake. You can't turn the goddamn radio down. You'll retard. Listen, he's got to smoke a lot of weed.

58:08 Drew Yeah. You get that out of him.

58:10 Adam No. Listen, if he quit smoking weed, it was a week ago and he smoked for eight years. Chris?

58:15 Caller Yes.

58:16 Adam When did you quit smoking weed?

58:17 Caller About four years ago.

58:19 Adam How long did you smoke weed?

58:23 Caller I don't know.

58:24 Adam You had a problem though, right?

58:25 Caller Yeah.

58:26 Drew That was at a young age. That was the formative years and the brain is developing. From like 11 to 17.

58:30 Adam You smoked a ton of weed from 11 to 17, right?

58:35 Caller Maybe a little older than 11, but not much.

58:37 Adam 11 and a half to 17.

58:39 Caller Yeah. Right.

58:39 Adam Hey, listen everybody, I who doesn't think it's, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It affects you. You might as well just be in a coma where you just eat junk food for five years.

58:52 Drew The people that defend this stuff would go, well, it's the junk food that did it to them on a place.

58:55 Adam No, listen, I-

58:56 Drew We ate junk food on a fire all the way through high school too.

58:58 Adam I'm with Chris's, I'm with his girlfriend's mom on this one.

59:01 Drew Well, but that's the point. There's got to be some reason that makes sense why a mom would react badly.

59:06 Adam Okay. Put it this way, if your girlfriend loves you and you love her, she needs to get out, she's 20 years old, she needs to get out from under her mom. And listen to me, all you screwballs out there, a lot of you people complain about your parents, about them wanting to have influence over your life, telling you what to do, telling you who to date, telling you what you can and can't do. Stop that, Drew. Here's my point. You get independent, you don't have to listen to them. You don't have to listen to anybody you don't depend on. Put it this way, your boss tells you, get to work. You got to get to work. Shut up, Drew. Some guy on the street tells you get to work, you tell him to blow you.

59:41 Drew There are people you don't want to hurt.

59:43 Adam You don't want to hurt, but magically, people don't tell you to do things when you're not under their thumb or under their financial wing.

59:52 Drew Not so much.

59:54 Adam Listen, if you're under their financial wing like Drew was for many, many, many, many, many years, he just moved out.

1:00:00 Drew You missed too many.

1:00:01 Adam Moved out six months ago. Sorry. Many, many, many, many, many, many years.

1:00:05 That's it.

1:00:06 Adam There's a certain obligation. See, Drew, you now, you're sucker, because you have to actually respect your parents and listen to them.

1:00:14 Drew You've had some insight, like your eyes light up.

1:00:15 Adam I know.

1:00:16 Drew I've got something on you now.

1:00:17 Adam No, because I thought, finally, it's payday. It's payday for me and all the others who were neglected by their parents, which is I'll tell my dad or mom to kiss my hairy ass in a heartbeat, and they wouldn't dream of telling me what to do about anything ever, ever, because they wouldn't even think of it. I mean, it wouldn't even occur to them. I could tell them, I listen. Forget radio. I'm going to start cooking math. I'm done with entertainment. I'm going to start cooking math. I'm going to mirror myself a 300-pound black transvestite. They'd say, okay, son, you coming for Thanksgiving?

1:00:53 Drew You just got them scared and intimidated.

1:00:55 Adam You bring your black fat transvestite, your boy slash girlfriend, her mafridite friend to Thanksgiving? Are you going to be cooking up the math during dinner?

1:01:04 Drew White meat or black meat?

1:01:06 Adam Black meat. You never go back.

1:01:07 Caller Come on.

1:01:08 Adam Yes, they would never say a word about anything ever.

1:01:11 Drew No.

1:01:11 Adam You know why? They can't. I'd laugh. They never earned it. They would never dream of saying a word. If they were going to say something, they would have said it. They never said it.

1:01:20 Drew This is why.

1:01:21 Adam You have to listen to your parents because they suck with you.

1:01:24 Drew Now. Now.

1:01:25 Adam They push you through college.

1:01:26 Drew Now, does it make more sense with my kids at private schools and the... Yeah.

1:01:32 Adam Yeah. Your kids are going to have to now listen to you and resent you like you resent your parents. But here's the thing. You don't want your mom telling you who to date at age 20. Move out at age 20. Say it's catch 22. It's you going, hey, mom, 20 years old. I'm an adult. You can't tell me who to date. Yeah, but you're still living at home and she's paying for your car and shirt.

1:01:52 Drew That's not an adult.

1:01:53 Adam Move out. And by the way, most of the reason people do stuff is because they want a say. I mean, that's why they pay for stuff. That's what's in it for them. And they deserve it. If I was paying for some kid's college and his car insurance and a payment on SUV and put a roof over his head, you're goddamn right I'd want my say. Cost me $1,500 a month. I want my say. Of course I do. You resent me for having my say when I'm floating you? How dare you? Don't want your parents to have a say? Move out. Can't afford it? Take a semester off college. Go to work full time. Get a roommate. Sell that expensive SUV. Get yourself a nice little mini pickup truck. A couple of roommates, one bedroom. You'll be begging for your parents' input. I guarantee it. That crap they give you once a month, a pittance compared to all the other crap you could be doing. See what I'm saying? And you know who they resent? These people who resent their parents for their input. They resent themselves for not being able to stand up and move out and get independent. You're 20. Get out of the house. You date whoever you want. Thank you. Lee?

1:02:59 Caller Yeah.

1:02:59 Adam You're 18.

1:03:01 Caller Yeah. I've been throwing up since about the 11th of October.

1:03:07 Adam Yeah, I threw up yesterday.

1:03:10 Caller Okay. Well, I've been sexually active and I think I might be pregnant, but I've taken two pregnancy tests and they've both come back negative. Is there something else that could be?

1:03:21 Drew Do you think, Lee, that the only cause of vomiting is pregnancy?

1:03:24 Caller Oh, that's not...

1:03:26 Caller I mean, I've been...

1:03:27 Adam Wait a minute.

1:03:27 Drew Three weeks of vomiting is very serious. You need to see somebody immediately.

1:03:33 Adam Are you vomiting in the morning? And what about morning sickness? Is that hit in the morning?

1:03:37 Drew Typically.

1:03:38 Caller And I haven't had my period since the end of July.

1:03:42 Drew I agree that the first, second, and third things that need to be rolled out is pregnancy. But A, you need management for the persistent vomiting. I mean, that is not a good healthy state for you to be in. There can be all sorts of problems. You got electrolyte problems. You can have heart rhythm problems from this. You can have kidney problems. Secondly, you need a diagnosis. Why are you vomiting? There's thousands of different diseases that can cause persistent vomiting and could also cause a delay in your period.

1:04:10 Caller Okay.

1:04:11 Drew So, you need to be checked out.

1:04:13 Caller We can't.

1:04:14 Caller Well.

1:04:14 Drew Immediately.

1:04:16 Caller One of the.

1:04:17 Adam Hey, Lee.

1:04:17 Caller Huh?

1:04:18 Drew Two weeks, the pregnancy tests are accurate.

1:04:21 Adam You need to just go see a doctor tomorrow.

1:04:22 Drew At two weeks, the pregnancy tests are accurate.

1:04:25 Caller Well, one of the tests I took was at the doctor's and I asked the doctor why if there was a reason why I'd be vomiting and he told me we'll come back in two weeks and we'll do another one. And that's all he said.

1:04:37 Drew What kind of doctor was it?

1:04:39 Caller It was at the free clinic.

1:04:41 Drew Yeah, see, that's, you know, you need a general medical doctor to take care of you.

1:04:45 Adam Yeah.

1:04:46 Drew That was an evaluation for pregnancy really.

1:04:48 Adam Oh, my. Are you poor, Lee? Are you poor?

1:04:52 Caller No, I just can't go to the doctor on my parents' insurance. Why? Because then I'll come back on my parents' insurance that I went to see a doctor and had a pregnancy test. My parents don't know I'm having sex.

1:05:08 Drew Well, first of all, the pregnancy test, tell your doctor that you don't want it done for that reason or to have it billed in a different way, like pay cash for that. But you're going to the doctor for vomiting.

1:05:20 Adam Right.

1:05:21 Drew Go to the doctor and it's confidential as you well know. I understand that you're concerned about the way the insurance would reflect it and that's very good that you're paying attention to that. But pay attention with your doctor as you're being evaluated.

1:05:33 Adam All right. Let's talk to Erica. Erica.

1:05:36 Caller Hi. Hi Adam.

1:05:37 Adam What's up?

1:05:38 Caller Hi Dr. Drew.

1:05:38 Hey Erica.

1:05:40 Caller I don't know if it's not a question, maybe a question of why, but it's more of bizarre behavior. This guy that I've been sleeping with, he starts to choke me by a couple of seconds.

1:05:54 Adam Well, have you been naughty?

1:05:56 Caller Yeah, I guess.

1:05:57 Drew Well, there you go. Does he hit you or anything?

1:05:59 Caller No. It's just like...

1:06:01 Drew Do you tell him not to?

1:06:03 Caller No, I just ask him. The first time it happened, I'm like...

1:06:07 Drew Maybe he thinks he's doing something that you would like.

1:06:10 Caller I don't know. Is that something normal that guys do?

1:06:12 Drew No, that's not something normal. Some people are into that kind of thing, this asphyxiation or orgasm stuff.

1:06:16 Adam It's like a little rough trade every once in a while.

1:06:18 Drew But the point is, how is he going to know unless you tell him not to?

1:06:23 Caller Yeah.

1:06:23 Adam Yeah. I remember when my grandmother was explaining to me about autoerotic asphyxiation, about how it would heighten the orgasm when one hung himself while he was masturbating.

1:06:33 Drew Thanks, Grandma.

1:06:34 Adam Yeah. There you go.

1:06:35 Drew Nice.

1:06:36 Adam I'll work that into my next WACS session.

1:06:37 Drew I want to even offer two days.

1:06:39 Adam No, this was years ago. All right. So, yeah. Do you like this guy?

1:06:45 Caller Well, I mean, I just met him. He's like 10, 11 years older than me.

1:06:49 Drew Yeah.

1:06:50 Adam What's he do for a living? Attorney?

1:06:52 Caller No, he owns his own business.

1:06:54 Drew Which is?

1:06:55 Adam Oh, I see. He owns it. Hold on. Since when did owning your own business become an occupation?

1:07:01 Drew Right. It means something specific, like ophthalmology.

1:07:04 Adam Oh, I see. What's your husband do for a living? He owns his own business. Oh, wow.

1:07:07 Caller Interesting.

1:07:09 Caller Well, he's a painter, painting business or something. Yeah.

1:07:12 Drew Okay.

1:07:13 Adam He owns his own business.

1:07:14 Caller Yeah.

1:07:14 Drew You own your own business too.

1:07:15 Adam And he's a landlord. When someone says they own your own business, you close your eyes. You know exactly what they're doing every day. Exactly. Everyone listen. I own my own business. Close your eyes. You see what I'm doing every day, don't you?

1:07:26 Caller Yeah.

1:07:27 Adam Sure. It's very self-explanatory.

1:07:29 Caller Okay.

1:07:30 Adam Okay. It means painter. Of course. And landlord, I mean. Yeah. Yes. That's obvious. Okay. So he owns his own business.

1:07:37 Caller Right.

1:07:37 Adam And he paints houses.

1:07:39 Caller Yeah.

1:07:39 Adam Yeah. It's a horrible job. I don't trust this guy.

1:07:42 Caller He's like, he's like 100% Greek. I don't know if that is.

1:07:46 Drew No, no. Look, there may be something.

1:07:48 Adam The Greeks are horrible. I don't I don't lean to the Greeks enough on this show, but they're horrible people.

1:07:52 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:07:54 Drew He may be disturbed. He may be abusive.

1:07:56 Adam But salad with their feta cheese and their olives.

1:07:58 Caller He seems very sweet, you know.

1:08:00 Drew Well, tell him not to do this, Erika. Tell him not to do this. Right. That's it. And if he does it still, get the hell out of those guys. There's something very wrong with them.

1:08:07 Adam What's his name, though, because Greek guys always have wild names.

1:08:11 Caller Greg. That's his American name.

1:08:13 Drew He's a painter. Yeah.

1:08:16 Adam Trouche. Yeah, so you have made my point. Thank you. Then I tell you that Greeks had those wild names.

1:08:22 Drew What's his last name?

1:08:23 Adam I knew it was either Moustaf or Greg. What's his Greek name, seriously?

1:08:30 Caller Um, Gregoria, Greg, I don't know.

1:08:34 Drew Okay. I can see you guys have a very intimate relationship.

1:08:38 Adam No, no, that's his first name.

1:08:39 Drew Oh.

1:08:40 Adam I'm trying to find out his first name. He said Gregoria.

1:08:43 Drew Okay.

1:08:44 Adam All right, Erica.

1:08:45 Caller Okay.

1:08:45 Adam Don't let him do that to you.

1:08:46 Caller Thanks.

1:08:47 Adam You tell him. I will. And if he really, if he really gives you a lot of trouble, you pull that sailor's cap off of him and smack him with it. You know the one the Greek guys always wear, Drew?

1:08:57 Drew Yeah, with the stripe, black and white striped shirts.

1:08:59 Adam Yeah, no, not that. I'm just that cap, that thick sort of wool cap with the small rim on it. It's got like a, it's usually navy blue or black and it has a piece of sort of rope across the front, you know?

1:09:11 Drew Yes, yes, with a little rim on it.

1:09:14 Adam There you go. What time is it? Drew punches the mic. Fantastic. Alright, when we come back, we'll speak to Danielle. She's mad at me about a comment I made in two years. We don't know. The same you said last time. Voted for. Okay, hold on, Danielle. Okay.

1:09:28 Caller Alright.

1:09:30 Drew You gonna vote tomorrow?

1:09:31 Adam Yes, we'll talk a little politics after this.

1:09:37 Caller Love Line will be right back. So get your problems ready.

1:09:54 Adam Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, are you getting into my basket, baby? No, okay, feel free. I got a lot of popcorn balls in there that need some, my popcorn balls need some cuddling in. Dr. Drew's in the next room. He got a page from one of his fantastic patients, so he's returning the call. Man, what a sucker. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. The vandals are coming in tomorrow night. And since tomorrow's the big election, let's speak to Danielle, who's 30, as she takes...

1:10:27 Hello?

1:10:28 Adam Yes.

1:10:28 Hi. I'm calling because I really felt that something that you said last night was really irresponsible. All right. I thought when you said that it basically didn't matter who became president because in two years we couldn't tell them apart.

1:10:41 Adam No, no. Here's what I said.

1:10:43 Caller Okay.

1:10:43 Adam Sort of. Drew's getting into a bucket of Nilla Wafers as we speak. What is that? Light and dark chocolates. Holy Christ. Give me some. Give me the dark ones.

1:10:53 Drew This is from Kim in Cincinnati.

1:10:54 Adam God bless Kim. Okay. Listen to me, Daniel. Here's what I was saying. I was listening to some of the comments. Some of the people were saying about what if Bush was elected, namely Cher, about how we basically crumble off and fall into the ocean. And I said, I bet if somehow you shielded Cher from finding out who won the election, two years from now she couldn't tell you who won based on.

1:11:20 Drew If you took her off the planet and brought her back in two years and said, now who's president?

1:11:25 Adam No, here's the way I said it. If she lived on the planet but somehow didn't know, she wouldn't be able to tell by what was going on around her.

1:11:33 Caller I disagree. I think you absolutely could tell.

1:11:36 Adam You think you could tell?

1:11:37 Caller Yeah.

1:11:38 Adam And you're a Gore fan?

1:11:41 Caller Well, I think that partly what bothers me about it is I think that voter apathy is really like at an all-time high.

1:11:48 Adam Are you a Gore fan?

1:11:50 Caller He's who I would prefer, yes. Right.

1:11:52 Adam It's the people, by the way, who would vote for Gore. Hold on a second. It's the people who would vote for Gore who seem to have this opinion, who seem to be a little more, I don't know, pejorative in their statements about Bush. I'm not a Bush fan. Don't get me wrong. But I also know it's not going to make a big difference. I'll never know it.

1:12:12 Caller You think you could never tell the difference?

1:12:14 Adam I don't think I could.

1:12:15 Caller You are an asshole.

1:12:16 Drew I, in fact, was terribly anxious when Clinton got elected. And he did not disappoint. He came through on everything that I believed he would do behaviorally, and yet I admired his job as president. I think he did a decent job. So, you know, who there is, people and stuff, what do you think they might do? It's hard to predict these things.

1:12:32 Caller What do you think about the voter apathy and sort of, I think, see, the way I see Adam is I think that he's in a really unique position because he reaches a large audience of people who look up to him and I imagine are probably in a demographic that's less likely to vote than even the overall population.

1:12:50 Adam Yes, probably true. All of them are running for their dictionaries looking up demographic.

1:12:55 Drew And apathy.

1:12:55 Adam And apathy right now. No, you're right. You're right. The people who listen to the show probably vote less than the people who listen to Dennis Prager or Rush Limbaugh.

1:13:05 Drew Right.

1:13:05 Caller Right.

1:13:06 Adam Or Dr. Demento.

1:13:08 Caller I don't even know who Dr. Demento is.

1:13:10 Adam Thank you.

1:13:11 Caller The next president, he could conceivably elect up to five Supreme Court justices.

1:13:16 Adam The next president can always do something. Listen, how many elections have you heard this argument by the way?

1:13:23 Caller What's that about the Supreme Court justices?

1:13:25 Adam About everything? About the next president having control? Oh, will you have control over the Congress, the Democratic control, the Republican control of the Congress? Are they just going to be able to elect Supreme Court justices and they're going to be able to turn over Roe v. Wang and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? Whatever happens? Well, we need to... Whatever happens?

1:13:42 Drew I mean, why...

1:13:42 Caller Name me an instance.

1:13:43 Adam Name me something. What is happening?

1:13:45 Drew We need a new party, guys.

1:13:46 Adam We do need a new party.

1:13:47 Drew We do. It really does make a difference.

1:13:48 Adam I'm apathetic because I should be. These guys are all bought and sold. Come on.

1:13:53 Caller Do you really think you couldn't tell the difference, though?

1:13:55 Adam Listen, listen. You got Gore over here. You know, the second largest contributor to the Democratic Party is the Trial Lawyers Society Association. Association. Do you want that? Is that what you want?

1:14:07 Caller Would you prefer the NRA?

1:14:08 Adam No, I wouldn't. That's why I don't want either one of them. I don't want the NRA being associated with one party, and I don't want the trial lawyers being associated with another party. It's all... They're all bought and sold. Forget it. Vote for a third party. You don't think your vote counts? Sure, it does.

1:14:25 Caller But if you vote for Nader, you know that that's really basically a vote for George Bush.

1:14:29 Adam Who cares? Vote for a third party. Bush will be... Listen, what do you think the average age of the person who's listening to this show is? Speaking of our listeners...

1:14:37 Caller Probably like...

1:14:38 Adam 19? 15? 15?

1:14:40 Caller I'm just guessing. I don't know.

1:14:41 Adam 21? 23?

1:14:43 Caller Yeah.

1:14:43 Adam Good. What's four years? So what? So you vote for Nader, and that's a vote for Bush.

1:14:49 Caller But these people look...

1:14:49 Adam He'll be in and out of the... That's what I'm saying. They look up to me, and here's what I'm telling you to do. Vote for a third party.

1:14:55 Caller Well, what about...

1:14:56 Adam They'll be in and out of office, and you'll only be 25.

1:14:59 Drew We can be kind here.

1:15:00 Caller I think that there are several issues that you've mentioned on Loveline that I really... I agree with, and I commend you guys for bringing them up. And one of them is the morning after pill, and like the related topics of population control, and the woman's right to choose. And another one is how society deals with people who are drug addicted and how we spend...

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Monday, November 6, 2000