Episode 1000754887310

0:58 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content, content, content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, coast to coast.

1:13 Adam Hey, this is Loveline.

1:14 Voiceover I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-FAX-310-854-4455.

1:22 Adam Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

1:29 Drew You want to thank her now or?

1:31 Adam Yes. I'd like to thank Karen O'Hara. Karen O'Hara. Karen sent us a little care package filled with everything good, nuts and stuff covered with chocolate and popcorn and all. It all is mothless. It all has a sticker with a thing that says Maws on it and the universal slash for no in front of it because as you know, last week, Dr. Drew ingested a family of Maws who now have a lawsuit against Drew, by the way.

2:04 Drew And then I passed them.

2:06 Adam We, they settled out of court. Oh, I see you passed them and they're okay. We did you crap, Maws?

2:12 Drew Yeah.

2:13 Adam We, you mean like we broke wind and they just sort of...

2:17 Wings.

2:17 Drew It's...

2:18 It flew away?

2:19 Drew No, just parts.

2:20 Adam We, you know, we don't call it Westwood Two over here for nothing or as Drew likes to call it Westwood None. They have a vending machine that they pulled off. I think they salvaged from a World War Two sub.

2:32 Drew Yeah.

2:33 Adam And it's got crap in it that is actually moth ridden. Junk?

2:39 Drew Yes.

2:39 Adam Yes. I'm not... No hyperbole here. Drew ate a sack of trail mix. Well, it's actually a sack of moths with some trail mix mixed into it. You should have read it. It said, now with more moths.

2:51 Drew I was picking bug legs out of my teeth. How bizarre is that?

2:56 Adam The greatest thing is to watch Drew actually hawk one right in the studio after realizing... And there's something funny about ingesting vermin, ingesting insects, which I've done many times.

3:08 Drew You guys were never clear here, weren't they? They were very sympathetic.

3:10 Adam Yeah.

3:11 Drew Laughing out loud.

3:11 Adam I've done it a few times. I've eaten cereal that's been filled with bugs and stuff. Here's how it works whenever you do it. You never did that growing up?

3:19 Drew I remember seeing them floating and stopping eating. I never convinced myself I actually ate them.

3:24 Adam Well, here's how it usually works. You never notice them before you begin eating, and you never don't notice them at all or maybe you do. But the point is, is you notice them halfway in or in Drew's case, three quarters of the way into the trail mix. You notice the moth and the larva and whatnot in there. He really got nauseated. It was really, it was amusing. I'd been eating it too, but it didn't bother me. You realize I grew up on a kibbutz in North Hollywood where we ate weeds.

3:54 Drew You pushed bugs back into your style. You were still protein restricted.

3:58 Adam I was looking for protein. I grew up like Jeremiah Johnson.

4:01 Drew Anyways, let me see your little slippers from HBO. Karen O'Hara, right?

4:05 Right.

4:05 Drew Let's thank her.

4:05 Adam Where is she from?

4:06 Drew HBO. Those three big letters up there?

4:09 Yeah. There you go. HBO.

4:10 Adam What's it say?

4:12 Drew Many thanks for all the great hours of radio, particularly last Wednesday's show with Everclear.

4:16 Adam There you go.

4:16 Drew No moths.

4:17 Adam Thank you very much, Karen.

4:19 Adam Tony?

4:19 Yeah.

4:20 Adam All right, Drew. No, we can't eat into the mic though. Tony?

4:23 Yeah. What's up?

4:26 Adam You're 15.

4:27 Caller I am.

4:28 Adam All right, Drew, we got to hide the snacks or this is going to be too much for me. What's up?

4:33 Caller My question was, why is sex pretty much a purely visual thing for guys and an emotional act for women?

4:40 Drew Well, it's not purely. Is this something at your ripe old age you've observed?

4:44 Caller What?

4:44 Drew Is this something you've observed at your ripe old age?

4:46 Caller Yeah. Well, most of the guys that I hang around with, it's pretty much a visual thing and then...

4:51 Drew Certainly, guys are preoccupied that way, aren't they?

4:52 Caller Yeah.

4:53 Drew Yeah. And women, they can have some of that, but not so much.

4:57 Adam They have more than Drew cares to admit.

5:00 Drew No, it's like they can shut it on and off. Guys can't.

5:04 Adam Right.

5:05 Drew You know what I'm saying?

5:05 Adam Yeah.

5:06 Drew It's always one way with the guy. And guys can have an emotional experience, but under the age of 28, it's sort of haphazard whether or not that's going to happen.

5:14 Adam Well, let's distill everything down to nature, because there's usually a cause for just about everything.

5:19 Drew Absolutely.

5:21 Adam Wouldn't you say it's man's cause to sort of spread his seed and women's cause to sort of settle, nestle, and raise kids?

5:30 Drew Yeah, yeah.

5:31 Adam And wouldn't you say those two emotions sort of help aid those two different causes?

5:35 Drew Yeah, yeah.

5:36 Adam And that's it.

5:37 Adam But Drew, what about it? I know you're very domesticated. Your wife, Susan, keeps your nuts in a mason jar.

5:44 Drew That's what has to be done.

5:45 Adam Well, you don't know where.

5:46 Drew That's part of domesticating the male human.

5:49 Adam Right. Duh.

5:50 Adam I know. But what I'm saying is, is are we going against something? Do you know what I mean?

5:56 Drew It's interesting. I was at a college.

5:57 Adam This is an age old argument.

5:59 Drew No, no. When I was in Kentucky or somewhere, some anthropologist came up to me and went, you know, I agree with you how different men and women are because I want to know something. Do you think that our mental health is going to suffer by insisting on monogamy, that male mental health will suffer?

6:12 Adam I think...

6:13 Drew That's an interesting question.

6:14 Adam Well, I mean, I think if you take, I don't know, if you take a bird dog and you don't let him jump in the lake, what happens to the bird dog?

6:21 Drew He's fine.

6:22 Adam But eventually, doesn't he just become a gay bird dog?

6:26 Drew Does he lose the capacity to... Yeah, but what would be so bad about us losing that instinct to...

6:31 Adam I don't know, but it's there for a reason. Do you know what I'm saying?

6:35 Drew A lot of stuff, a lot of stuff that makes us different and is there for a reason are there for reasons that have long since passed their purpose and their usability, their importance to the species.

6:45 Adam Yeah, like some animal has wandered into the village and we have to kill it with a brick or rock, as it were.

6:56 Caller Julia.

6:57 Hi, I called about a week ago about eating disorders when Everclear was on.

7:03 Adam Yeah, the moth eating show.

7:05 Drew We're revisiting that show regularly tonight.

7:08 Yeah, I had a couple more questions. After you, by the way, I did stop. I haven't touched laxative since last time I called.

7:16 Drew Your leg's swelling up?

7:17 Yeah, I'm bloating a lot easy and stuff, but I only eat about once a day and a little bit. We'll be getting back into it. How should you eat, though, after you stop?

7:28 Adam How should you eat what?

7:29 How should you eat after you stop eating?

7:32 Drew It depends what's happening. Are you getting real constipated? Just make sure you have lots of bulk in your diet.

7:38 Adam Yeah, what's bulk?

7:39 Drew Bran, Metamucil, a fair amount of roughage might help too.

7:44 And also, I mean-

7:46 Adam What's roughage?

7:47 Drew That's-

7:47 Adam Celery?

7:47 Drew Sorry, yeah.

7:48 Adam What's the roughage?

7:50 Drew Celery.

7:51 Adam Celery?

7:51 Caller Cellulose, yeah.

7:52 Adam What else? Number two, stuff like avocados, not roughage, too smooth, slide right out your ass.

7:59 Caller Yeah.

7:59 Drew You need to eat like avocado skin. You need to eat non-digestible stuff, like cellulose.

8:04 Adam Is what it looks like what it is?

8:07 Caller Yeah.

8:07 Adam You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You take like, like I said, an avocado, don't look like it's going to scrape too much out of your ass.

8:13 Caller Right.

8:14 Adam You take a look at a piece of celery. It looks like someone just put a bottle brush up. Yeah.

8:19 Caller Yeah.

8:19 Right. Okay.

8:20 Drew We're not telling her. Yeah.

8:21 Also, hello?

8:24 Yep.

8:24 Oh, sorry. Also, I'm sure you're at risk for like colon cancer, right?

8:29 Caller No, no.

8:30 Drew Not any more than you would otherwise be.

8:32 Caller Okay.

8:33 But did you say that morning after pill helps prevent that?

8:36 Drew No.

8:37 No.

8:37 Drew I said birth control pills have been known to or thought now to decrease risk of ovarian cancer and uterine cancer.

8:43 Okay. And I shouldn't eat junk food, right?

8:46 Drew Right. It was just some standpoint of your eating disorder. You've got to just get a more balanced diet going. Regular meals. You've got to see. I suggest you see a dietician.

8:53 Do you have like a number? I could call and get like...

8:56 Adam Hey, Julia.

8:57 Yeah?

8:57 Adam You're 17, right?

8:58 Caller Yeah.

8:59 Adam You're in high school.

9:00 Caller Uh-huh.

9:01 Adam You're of average intelligence.

9:03 Caller Yeah. All right.

9:04 Adam You know the food that's bad for you and the food that's good for you?

9:06 Caller Yeah.

9:07 Adam Eat the food that's good for you.

9:09 Adam And then eat this food that's bad for you once in a while.

9:11 Drew She may need some supervision though, a dietician.

9:13 Caller Huh?

9:14 Adam Yeah. Jog around a little bit.

9:15 Drew Where do you live?

9:16 Caller Um, Newport Beach.

9:17 Drew Newport Beach. Newport Beach.

9:18 Adam What do you need a dietician for?

9:21 Drew She needs a helping hand. She needs somebody structuring this for her. She'll start getting off. It's like an addict or alcoholic. They need support.

9:30 Adam You can't figure this out or you don't think you could stay with it?

9:32 Drew They won't stay with it.

9:33 Caller It's hard.

9:33 Adam What do those laxatives do? Are you constantly crapping with those laxatives?

9:37 Caller Yeah, but they're not working too great anymore.

9:39 Adam I see. They just lose their effectiveness.

9:41 Caller Yeah.

9:42 Adam Drew, I have a virgin laxative belly. If I took a handful of them, what would happen?

9:47 Drew You'd have diarrhea.

9:48 Adam I'd be on the pod immediately?

9:49 Drew Not immediately, but soon after. How long?

9:51 Adam Really?

9:51 Drew An hour or so. You'd be spending a little time there.

9:54 Adam Nice. A couple hours. Nice.

9:55 Drew It depends what you're trying to use. I mean, Ducalaxing is that it increase the motility, so they'll start moving you right now.

9:59 Adam Nice.

10:00 Drew The other stuff sort of washes down from above.

10:03 Adam And the food that you eat is not going to be absorbed? Is that the plan?

10:07 Drew No. That's really not what happens, in fact.

10:09 Adam All right.

10:10 Drew What happens is they get chronic dehydration. They get their bodies stressed.

10:14 Adam So you lose weight because you lose water weight.

10:16 Drew And you're stressed. Your body's so stressed by that.

10:18 Adam Why does that make you lose weight, being stressed?

10:19 Drew It increases your metabolic needs, your metabolic demand.

10:21 Adam You mean metabolism speeds up because you're stressed out?

10:24 Drew Your needs for for repair are greater.

10:28 Adam Are you burning more calories? Hey, Julia, just get a hold of a dietician. Go to OA or something.

10:35 Drew Go to OA. Call Hoag. Yeah. Call Hoag and ask for eating disorder. Anybody who does eating disorder or dietician.

10:41 Adam Hoag.

10:42 Adam Hoag sounds like some fat guy owns a rib joint.

10:45 Drew Hoag Memorial Hospital in Newport Beach.

10:47 Adam Hoag. Not a good name.

10:48 Adam Too close to Hog.

10:50 Drew No, I think you're thinking too close to Hoagie.

10:52 Adam And too close. Somewhere between Hoagie and Hoag is Hoag. That's an eating disorder hospital?

10:56 Drew No, it's a regular hospital.

10:58 Adam Oh, okay. But ask for Dr. Sloppy Joe while you're down there. Yeah, Hoag is a horrible name for a hospital.

11:06 Drew Well, we'll be sure to hear from them soon.

11:08 Adam Is that some kind of an acronym?

11:09 Drew It's a beautiful hospital.

11:10 Adam But is Hoag like hospital?

11:12 Drew It's somebody's name. It's somebody's name.

11:14 Adam Bad name.

11:15 Adam Bad name for a hospital. St. Something is a good name, you know?

11:19 Drew St. Whatever.

11:20 Adam St. Whatever, yeah. Try to stay away from, and like I said, worst name ever, the Kaiser with the Permanente. To me, I picture, first off, Kaiser, I picture a guy with a-

11:30 Drew Kaiser Wilhelm.

11:30 Adam Picture a guy with a monocle and like a pointed steel helmet, walking up and down the halls in like knee-high leather boots with maybe a riding crop under his arm. He's smacking it on the edge of the bed. And Permanente to me means you ain't going nowhere. I don't care if you're getting your tonsils out. You may never leave. Right. Bad name. There should be a- I'm going to work on that one with those guys. The Kaiser and the Permanente. Both bad. Ivan or Ian?

11:58 Caller Hey, Adam.

11:59 Adam You're 14. What's up?

12:00 Caller Yeah, I am. First of all, I just want to say that you are God.

12:04 Caller Thanks.

12:04 Caller And Drew?

12:05 Drew Yeah?

12:06 Caller Just quit the show and make it the Adam Show.

12:08 Caller Yeah.

12:08 Drew Oh, thanks, Ian.

12:09 Adam That's right, buddy. More Adam. No calls, no Drew, no commercials. Just Adam yapping from his basement.

12:16 Caller All right.

12:16 Caller Oh, and you should fire an asshole because he's a dick to me. He was a dick.

12:20 Caller He cut me off twice.

12:21 Caller And then I finally got an an on here.

12:24 Caller But God, who who who did that to you?

12:26 Adam Anderson Anderson was rude to you.

12:30 Drew No, he's been rude now.

12:32 Adam He's gone.

12:33 Caller Yeah, he's gone.

12:34 Adam Anyone else you want me to fire?

12:36 Caller Okay. Well, besides Drew, now that'll be it.

12:40 Adam Just Drew and Anderson?

12:42 Caller That's it for now.

12:43 Adam All right.

12:44 Caller All right.

12:44 Adam Well, think about it. Call back tomorrow night.

12:46 Drew This guy is an asshole.

12:47 Adam Want anyone else to be axed?

12:48 Screw you, Drew.

12:50 Caller Okay. Adam, what is, or Drew, I guess, what is the average?

12:55 Drew Wait a minute. I'm unneeded here. I'm not necessary.

12:57 Caller Yeah.

12:58 Drew We're gonna ask your God.

12:59 Caller Now you're necessary.

13:00 Drew No, no, no, no. Ask your God, your deity.

13:02 Caller Yes.

13:02 Drew His holiness. And address him as such.

13:05 Caller Okay. Okay. Hi, Emperor Adam. No, no.

13:09 Drew Excuse me. No, I beg your pardon.

13:10 Adam Emperor Adam's fine. That'll do in a minute.

13:12 Drew I thought it was his Royal Highness.

13:14 Caller Whatever. Okay, Emperor Adam. What is the average penis size for somebody of my age?

13:20 Adam 14. Yep. Flaccid or erect?

13:24 Caller Erect.

13:24 Adam Erect?

13:25 Caller Yep.

13:26 Adam I actually have the data here right in front of me. It's kind of coincidentally I was looking at it. 14. Let me go down the chart. Well, it doesn't do individual age. It does like 12 and 13 and then it does 14 and 15, you know, 16 and 17. It groups them into groups of two, years of two, so you'd be in the 14-15 chart.

13:49 Caller Is there 13-14 or just?

13:50 Adam No, no. There's just 12-13 and then 13-14 male.

13:54 Caller Yeah.

13:54 Adam Yeah.

13:56 Drew Female penis.

13:56 Adam White?

13:57 Drew No, female penis.

13:58 Adam White, white, Drew, would you shut up? Obviously, I know I'm screwing around.

14:02 Caller I'm addressing my god here, not you.

14:04 Adam Yes, thank you. White male? Yep. White? Okay. 14-15, let me just go down and over to the side. Eight and a quarter.

14:16 Caller All right, seriously this time though.

14:18 Adam Eight and a quarter is what it says, but keep in mind, you're 14, so you have a whole nother year in this category. So you'll probably be up to eight and a quarter by the time you're 15. Are you not there yet?

14:31 Caller No, I'm not there yet.

14:33 Adam What are you, seven and a half, seven and three quarters, something like that?

14:36 Caller Five and a half.

14:39 Adam Oh, no, that's going to be tough to overcome. I thought, you know, Drew, back me up. He could add a quarter inch, three sixteens, five sixteens, something like that, maybe a little under three eights in a year's time at 14 years old. But making up, what, three, three and a half inches.

14:59 Drew That's not going to happen.

15:00 Adam It's not going to happen. Oh, maybe he meant flaccid. He could have meant flaccid. Hold on a second. Where is he? Ian?

15:10 Caller Yeah.

15:10 Adam Did you mean flaccid? Your five and a half flaccid?

15:14 Caller No.

15:15 Adam No, Iraq?

15:16 Caller Yeah.

15:16 Adam Oh, okay, brother. Yeah.

15:19 Caller Yikes.

15:19 Adam Yeah, it's going to be tough. Okay. Well, it's okay. There's still a lot of things you can do with a small penis. I mean, Drew, back me up. You're going to have a healthy, normal life. Can you not? Well, I mean, you can get along. There's people in wheelchairs who have jobs, who get along, who get a paycheck.

15:39 Drew We might as well drop this this facade. We try to make people feel better about this.

15:43 Caller But let's face it, you don't think it's going to work?

15:46 Drew No.

15:46 Adam But aren't there women who love a guy like that?

15:49 Drew We always tell them that, but there's no way.

15:50 Adam You don't think so? You think there's someone? Maybe some bother. What about some chick with a deformity? Her vagina was burnt afire or something? Wouldn't there be someone with one breast perhaps or two noses? You think there might be someone for him? Someone out there.

16:06 Drew Yeah, the circus.

16:07 Adam Someone who stepped, some Vietnamese refugees stepped on a landmine or something like that?

16:12 Drew Torso-less, yeah.

16:14 Caller Okay. Okay.

16:15 Adam So it's okay, Ian. You'll be fine.

16:17 Drew Now, let's give some real... Christina?

16:19 Adam Wait, wait, wait.

16:19 Drew Before we end the fantasy answers, just give a basic average.

16:22 Adam You're fine.

16:23 Drew Five and a half.

16:24 Adam Oh, why are you ruining it? Why do you do it? The guy abused you.

16:29 Drew For everyone else, not for him.

16:30 Adam Oh, right.

16:31 Adam Christina?

16:32 Caller Hi.

16:32 Adam What's up?

16:33 Caller I just got my tongue pierced, okay? Probably been about three days. And when I got it done, I asked the woman, you know, what some things are going to affect that I can expect. And she said that most people, you know, just get the swelling. And she said in very rare cases, people get lymph node discomfort.

16:51 Caller And I'm having lymph node discomfort.

16:52 Caller And I'm wondering if there's something wrong.

16:54 Caller Is there an infection? Should I take it out like now?

16:57 Caller Or what's going on?

16:58 Drew Are you doing the usual care?

17:00 Caller Yeah, I gargle all the time.

17:01 Caller I brush like five million times a day.

17:03 Caller I got the freshest breath in town.

17:05 Drew I can't understand why they would say it would be rare for there to be lymph node involvement. I can't see how there wouldn't always be a lymph node. Why not?

17:13 Adam Why?

17:13 Drew Because you've just, you've got a large sort of organ there, trying to heal. And the immune system, the processing of the potential infection entering through that now new hole is all processed through the lymph nodes in the neck and they swell up in reaction to that.

17:30 Adam I see. Do you have lymph nodes other places? That's the closest set of lymph nodes to the piercing. Hey, Christina?

17:36 Caller Yes?

17:37 Adam Why did you do it?

17:41 Caller I don't know. I think it's sexy.

17:43 Adam I see. And...

17:44 Caller You know what else I think is sexy, Adam?

17:46 Caller You.

17:47 Adam Yeah, baby.

17:48 Caller I swear to God, I love you.

17:50 Adam Why?

17:51 Caller Because I don't know. You're just so funny.

17:54 Caller Thank you. Thank you very much.

17:56 Adam Where are you calling from?

17:57 Caller Baltimore.

17:59 Adam I see. What do you do over there?

18:00 Caller I sell cars.

18:01 Adam Really?

18:02 Caller Yes, I do.

18:03 Adam What kind of cars?

18:04 Caller Hyundai's.

18:05 Adam Hyundai's?

18:06 Drew Yes.

18:06 Caller Do you want to buy one?

18:07 Adam Do other? Did it cost money? I thought they gave away Hyundai's. No. Is that a freebie over there?

18:14 Caller Excuse me?

18:15 Adam What is your biggest selling Hyundai?

18:18 Caller Right now, it's a Santa Fe.

18:20 Adam The Santa Fe?

18:21 Caller Yeah.

18:21 Adam That's a car that comes with cheese melted on it. It's delicious and a beautiful ranchero sauce in the glove box.

18:28 Caller That's not nothing, Adam.

18:30 Adam That is the bottom of the car barrel.

18:32 You think so?

18:33 Adam Listen, I would rather sell Ziffy boards than Hondas.

18:38 No.

18:39 Adam That is embarrassing. What kind of trash ball is going there for Hondas?

18:44 Caller Drax. Yeah.

18:45 Adam People.

18:46 Caller Bad credit. A lot of bad credit.

18:48 Caller Yeah.

18:48 Drew What did you call them?

18:49 Adam Drax? Drax. Drax of society. I think she means Drax. You know what I like? I like the car dealerships that tell you the care of their own papers.

18:59 Caller Bad credit.

19:00 Adam No credit. Been shot at by creditors.

19:06 Adam We care of our own papers.

19:08 Adam Know what we care of our own papers means? It means about 30% on the interest rate. Oh, I got to ask her more about these Hondas. Christina?

19:18 Adam Yes.

19:19 Adam All right. Now, your biggest seller is the Hyundai what?

19:22 Adam Souffle?

19:23 Caller The Santa Fe.

19:24 Adam Santa Fe. And how many horsepower does that Santa Fe have?

19:29 Caller Do you want a six-cylinder or a four-cylinder?

19:31 Adam Four-cylinder. Let's start with the four.

19:32 Caller It's about 140 horsepower.

19:34 Adam About?

19:36 Adam And what about the six?

19:38 Caller It's about 160, 170.

19:41 Caller Uh-huh.

19:41 Adam You don't know which one, though?

19:42 Caller I haven't been doing it for like two weeks.

19:44 Adam I see. And what about the size of the four-cylinder? What size engine is that?

19:49 Caller It's like a 16 valve.

19:51 Adam Yeah, but what size? What's the displacement?

19:54 Best Of CLL #1354 I don't know.

19:55 Adam Yeah, see, this is what I love about... Why am I... I'm supposed to go in there and drop 20 grand on something you don't even know what the displacement of the engine is?

20:03 Caller What's a Hyundai, so it's not 20 grand. Now is it?

20:05 Adam How much is that, Souffle?

20:09 Caller You can get one standard, about 18.

20:11 Adam 18, but if you get what I like in it, which is air conditioning, CD, and the butt plug, you're out the door 20.

20:19 Caller Sound like I had 20.

20:20 Adam All right, I just said 20.

20:22 Caller Well, I'm talking basic standards.

20:23 Adam I'm supposed to drop 20 grand, and you don't even know what size the engine is. How dare you?

20:27 Caller Oh, I'm too sorry.

20:29 Adam All right, you read that manual.

20:30 Caller I sure will.

20:31 Adam And pull that piercing out of your tongue when you're pushing those Hyundai.

20:34 Drew Yeah, do you think that piercing is gonna help your salesmanship?

20:37 Best Of CLL #1354 Well, it's not.

20:38 Caller You can't notice it unless I show it to you.

20:41 Drew Unless you're talking.

20:42 No, not really.

20:43 Best Of CLL #1354 I got it too far back.

20:44 Caller I told the woman I said I sell cars.

20:45 I want it back farther.

20:47 Drew Your boss, is he gonna like it?

20:49 Caller He doesn't care.

20:49 Adam I mean, he doesn't, he doesn't, he hasn't. He's selling Hyundai's.

20:53 Adam What's he care?

20:54 Adam He's about ready to kill himself.

20:56 Adam All right. And Christina, you get out of that business. It's the world's filthiest business. It's a car salesman.

21:04 Best Of CLL #1354 That's a very lucrative business.

21:05 Adam Horrible, horrible people. Yeah. So it's, so it's smuggling munitions. That's lucrative. Doesn't mean it attracts a great quality breed of person. No, anyone who sells anything is flawed, horribly flawed. All you people that sell things, flawed. Amber?

21:24 Caller Yes?

21:24 Adam You're 16. What's up?

21:26 Caller Um, well, I got bit by a bat last night.

21:28 Adam Oh, really?

21:29 Caller Wow.

21:30 Adam Yeah. That means you're going to turn into a bat, doesn't it?

21:32 Drew Vampire.

21:33 Caller Yeah.

21:33 Adam You get bit by a raccoon, you get rabies, but you get bit by a bat. I think bats the only animal you'll actually turn into that animal. Makes sense.

21:43 Caller Yeah.

21:43 Adam How'd you get, where were you that you got bit by a bat?

21:46 Caller I was on my porch.

21:47 Drew What part of the country?

21:48 Caller Um, Utah.

21:50 Drew Utah?

21:50 Caller Yeah.

21:51 Drew I would have thought the Southeast somewhere.

21:53 Adam Where were you? Were you camping?

21:54 Caller No, it was just on my porch.

21:56 Drew How do you know it was a bat?

21:57 Caller Hmm?

21:57 Drew How do you know it was a bat? I mean, they were pretty fast.

22:00 Caller Because I picked it up.

22:01 Drew Oh, it was dead?

22:02 Caller No, it was alive.

22:03 Adam They just ran into you?

22:05 Caller No. Well, it was jumping off my porch, and I thought it was a frog. I love frogs. I went over and I picked it up.

22:10 Drew Oh, and a bat bit you in the hand?

22:12 Caller Yeah.

22:13 Adam Oh, yeah. That picture is sort of kamikaze, like raid.

22:16 Drew Yeah, yeah.

22:17 Adam So, a bit you in the hand.

22:19 Drew So, it was a sick bat.

22:21 Caller What's that?

22:22 Drew The bat was probably ill? Yeah. Did you save it? Did you have it?

22:26 Caller Yep. My parents took it in this morning, but they haven't called back.

22:28 Drew The SPCA? The Animal Protection People?

22:31 Caller What's that?

22:32 Drew The Animal Protection People have it?

22:33 Caller Well, they took it to the health department.

22:35 Drew Okay, good. Did they talk to you about getting rabies shots?

22:38 Caller No.

22:39 Drew That's the one thing we were certainly worried about.

22:40 Adam Well, don't they get to check the bat out?

22:42 Drew They do, but sometimes they'll have you go ahead and get some...

22:45 Adam Good news and bad news. We checked the bat for rabies. No rabies. It is HIV positive, however. So, no. All right, so wait till they check it out, right?

22:56 Drew Yeah, but you...

22:57 Adam You okay?

22:57 Caller Well, yeah, but I had to come home from work early because I've gotten hot flashes. I sweat really bad and I almost passed out a few times.

23:05 Adam Wow. Maybe you're just thinking about the bat.

23:08 Caller That's what I think. Maybe, but...

23:09 Drew Is your hand okay? What's that? Any swelling or anything in the hand?

23:13 Caller No.

23:13 Adam Do you hate your job?

23:15 Caller What's that?

23:15 Adam Do you hate your job?

23:16 Caller No, I love my job.

23:17 Adam You love your job?

23:18 Caller Yes.

23:18 Adam You went home early?

23:19 Caller Yeah.

23:20 Drew Listen, you got to talk to an infectious disease or somebody who's monitoring what's going on with animals in your area. Maybe just call local emergency room, see if they have some access to information like that.

23:32 Adam Yeah, what do you ask for the bat?

23:35 Drew Have you had a tetanus shot recently? Tetanus, rabies, these are all things you need to be... I'm more interested in......blastomycosis and histoplasmosis even.

23:45 Adam All right. Go tell somebody you got bit by a bat.

23:48 Caller Well, my parents know, but they're waiting. I felt really sick tonight.

23:52 Drew Yeah, but I think you ought to call an emergency room locally and talk to someone about it. See if you can get some information about what's going on with the animals in your area.

23:58 Caller Yeah.

23:59 Adam I hope you learn a valuable lesson. Stay away from nature. It'll try to kill you. Everything. Insects, butterflies, potato bugs. I'm interested in where you work that you love your job at 16.

24:13 Caller I work at Kmart.

24:14 Adam Okay, listen.

24:15 Adam You do not love your job. You're miserable.

24:17 Caller No, I love my job.

24:18 Adam No, you're not.

24:18 Caller Yes, I do.

24:19 Adam Everyone who works at 16 must be miserable.

24:22 Drew Is the bat still alive?

24:24 Caller I don't know. It's at the health department right now.

24:26 Drew Wow.

24:27 Adam Well, was it alive when they took it?

24:28 Caller Yeah.

24:29 Drew And they took it and said our daughter got bitten by this thing?

24:31 Caller What's that?

24:32 Drew And they told the health department that you had been bitten by this?

24:34 Caller I think so.

24:35 Adam No, they just presented them a bat and just grunted.

24:37 Drew Who knows who she...

24:39 Adam We figured they're hillbillies. She got bit by a bat. We figured it makes her one of the McCoys or something.

24:46 Drew I just... The whole situation is bizarre. She hasn't talked to a doctor yet.

24:49 Adam Are your parents normal, healthy people?

24:52 Caller Yeah.

24:52 Adam Yeah?

24:53 Drew I think so. I think you might have the rabies vaccine already.

24:55 Adam Did your dad drive one of those Hyundai Soufflés?

24:57 Caller No.

24:58 Adam All right. What's he drive?

24:59 Caller A pickup truck? Yeah.

25:01 Drew I'm concerned, Amber. I really am. I think you're going to make sure you...

25:03 Adam It's a little pickup truck on that guy.

25:05 Drew You get in touch with... Just call an emergency room locally there and tell them what happened, okay?

25:09 Adam What's your dad do for a living?

25:11 Caller He is doing nothing right now. He's trying to start a business.

25:16 Adam Trying to start a business?

25:17 Adam I see.

25:19 Adam That code for get off heroin.

25:22 Adam All right.

25:22 Adam We will take ourselves a little break. When we come back, Drew, who are we going to talk to?

25:28 Drew We're talking to John.

25:29 Adam We will talk to John.

25:30 Adam John is 22. Gets off watching Sex Buddy through a window.

25:34 Caller Hmm.

25:35 Adam Never heard of that before.

25:37 Adam After this.

25:41 Love Lines with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

25:55 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

26:13 Adam Hey, Loveline.

26:16 Adam Listen, I'm not going to eat this whole goddamn can of nuts, Drew.

26:18 Drew I'm already eating it.

26:19 Adam I know.

26:21 Drew Sarah, Sarah, come here.

26:23 Adam Eat this. Eat this one nut. So I can say, technically, I did not finish the whole can. Drew, you eat this one.

26:29 Drew Thank you.

26:30 Adam There you go. Now, when I when I belch it up later, I can say, who ate that entire can of nuts? And I can say, me, Drew and Sarah. There you go.

26:40 Drew Thank you, Karen.

26:41 Adam Yeah, Karen sent over plenty of mothless food. It's a treat. I never had food here at Westwood One without moths in it.

26:48 Drew Just I've never had fresh food here. Really?

26:52 Adam All right. Drew, what do you want to buffet spread out as you decide to do a radio show?

26:55 Caller Dude, the thing said eat by August 1st.

26:58 Adam Yeah.

26:59 Drew No, no, not August 2001, August 1st.

27:02 Adam Yeah, but didn't have a year. Shouldn't have a year on that?

27:05 Caller It's like it's like natural stuff.

27:06 Caller So you assume it's this year, present year.

27:08 Adam Yeah, but nuts, nuts don't seem like something that yogurt drops and stuff like that. And listen Anderson, when you put money into a vending machine, you assume that whatever's coming out of the vending machine is fit for consumption.

27:21 Drew At that moment.

27:22 Caller That's true.

27:23 Caller Thank you.

27:24 Adam Boy, he's such a, he's such a wuss for this Westwood one, this Anderson.

27:29 Adam Come on, learn to hate him like us.

27:31 Adam I don't hate him.

27:31 I'm just saying.

27:32 Adam You should hate him. John, you're 22.

27:34 Caller All right.

27:35 Adam What's up?

27:36 Caller Well, let's see. Here's, here's the hook. Basically. I got this friend as a girl. We've been friends for a couple of years and we've basically like evolved into the kind of friends that, you know, can call each other and you know, whenever they're, you know, in the mood or whatever. And the other one will come over and deliver, you know, it's basically, you have lots of those kinds of friends, right?

27:56 Adam Yeah. When I was, when I was 22, I had that too. I had this a couple of chicks I could call and tell them, I just got done jacking off and then go to bed.

28:03 Caller No, no, not like that.

28:04 Adam They answered the phone. It was great.

28:07 Caller So anyways, like this girl's a lifeguard, so she showers at night. And one day I went over and rang her doorbell, no answer. So I'll go on to the side of the house and see if she's there. And our lights on and I noticed the light was on. And so I figured she was there.

28:25 Caller And basically what's happened over time-

28:26 Drew Hold on, John, did you figure she was there?

28:28 Adam Because the light was on?

28:30 Adam What now?

28:31 Adam Light being on equals she's home.

28:33 Adam Is that what you're saying?

28:34 Caller Yes, yes.

28:35 Adam To write that down.

28:36 Drew Figured she was there, light on.

28:38 Caller Thank you.

28:38 Adam Keep going, John.

28:39 Caller Okay. So and basically over time what has happened is I realized that she's, you know, she showers at night. She walks around naked with the blinds down. And I'm like up in a tree, you know, doing my thing instead of knocking on the door and going at it. And I'm wondering, like, what is, like, what's possessing me to do this?

28:58 Drew Like, so you'd rather be this sort of voyeur.

29:01 Caller Yeah, you know, I know I could knock on the door and go, you know, in and like, you know, have sex with her.

29:07 Caller Voyeur is that kind of friends.

29:09 Caller But instead, I'm like here up in this tree, like, you know, pulling it off.

29:14 Adam Right. So explain that one again. We're not sure that works. You're saying you could have sex with her?

29:20 Caller Yeah, because, you know, we're that kind of friends.

29:22 Adam But you'd rather do a hump a tree?

29:26 Caller Well, I'm not.

29:26 Adam Hang from the tree. Hang from the tree. I see.

29:29 Caller I'm in the tree, like, looking in her window.

29:31 Adam I see.

29:32 Caller And well, because she lives on the second floor, and that's the only way I can.

29:35 Adam I see. All right. Well, John, don't you think someone's going to call the cops on you eventually?

29:40 Caller Well, it's on, like, the far side of the building, and it's kind of dark, so nobody can really see me.

29:44 Adam Yeah. Eventually.

29:45 Caller If I thought it was dangerous, I wouldn't do it.

29:47 Drew What do you think the thrill is? Voyeur, would you have any sense of what you sort of hit on there?

29:52 Caller What now?

29:52 Drew What do you think the thrill is due to? What is it that's so gratifying about this?

29:55 Caller I'm not sure exactly. You know, I'm a good guy and all, and I like this girl. I like having sex with her, but for some reason, this is just doing it for me. I can't stop.

30:08 Adam Do you masturbate in the tree?

30:10 Caller Oh, yeah. You do?

30:13 Adam Oh, Jesus. It's got to be rough on the guy who comes to trim it once a year. There's a load of jizz up there.

30:20 Drew Somehow this has some sort of, not retribution, but it's sort of OK with me that the guy that can just go and have sex ends up hanging from a tree. Masturbating. It's just...

30:34 Adam Here's the sad part.

30:34 Drew Maybe it's too easy for him. He has to make a chase out of it.

30:38 Adam He's going to have an orgasm, lose his grip, hit the pavement, and they're going to find him there, dead with his hand, spot well to his junk, and the semen just dripping off the tree onto him, like some kind of a horror movie from the 50s.

30:54 Adam Yeah.

30:56 Adam Yeah, and they'll probably leave him there. Put a little memorial there, put some candles and some jergens up.

31:00 Drew I wonder if he's an addict, if this is some sort of, you know, triggering that whole mechanism.

31:04 Adam Let me ask him.

31:06 Drew John, is there any...

31:07 Adam Yeah, I'm here.

31:08 Drew Is there any alcoholism in your family?

31:10 Caller What now?

31:10 Drew Any alcoholism in your family?

31:12 Caller Um, no. I've been drinking more lately, but not a lot.

31:17 Adam Do you really have an orgasm in the tree?

31:20 Caller Well, I mean, you know, I'm a guy.

31:22 Caller What do you think?

31:22 Adam Hold on.

31:23 Drew Hold on.

31:26 Caller Oh, that was uncalled for.

31:30 Adam Oh, hey, I'm getting etiquette lessons from a guy who jacks off in a tree.

31:34 Adam How dare you, sir?

31:35 Adam How dare you? Man, not bad.

31:39 Caller Yeah.

31:40 Adam Nothing going on there. Not fart.

31:42 Adam Nothing. All right.

31:44 Adam Well, listen, get it out. I don't know. Just go hump her.

31:49 Adam I don't know.

31:50 Adam Stop doing it.

31:52 Drew Something is up with him. I suspect the best I can make sense of this, this is utilizing that same thrill mechanisms that addicts and alcoholics find so gratifying and that this may be part of that biology and that's why he can't stop it. They might want to look into it.

32:07 Adam I don't know.

32:08 Adam I don't even believe him. Jonathan, you're 15.

32:11 Adam What's up?

32:12 Best Of CLL #1354 Well, like a couple days ago, I asked my girlfriend if we could have a threesome and she said yeah. But then she asked the lesbian friend of hers if she wanted to end on a threesome and she said yeah also. You know, that's not really a problem yet, but here it is. You know, with your input Adam, can you tell me how I can make the lesbian become into me too?

32:29 Caller So my girlfriend won't get all the fun.

32:32 Adam I see.

32:33 Adam You make me sick. 15 years old, so upset that he's only banging one chick while he's watching the other girl do God knows what to the 15 year old lesbian chick. So upset that he's not getting enough. I don't believe you.

32:47 Best Of CLL #1354 Oh, trust me, my girlfriend, she's kind of crazy.

32:49 Adam How old is she?

32:50 Best Of CLL #1354 15 also.

32:51 Adam How old is her lesbian friend?

32:53 Best Of CLL #1354 I think she's 16.

32:54 Adam You got a little bisexuality in you? Hmm? You got a little bisexual in you?

33:00 Caller No.

33:00 Adam No?

33:01 Drew You're gay.

33:02 Adam Drew, please, let me ask a question.

33:04 Caller Oh, thanks, Drew.

33:05 Adam You don't like the guys?

33:06 Best Of CLL #1354 Hell, no.

33:07 Adam How about the gents?

33:09 Caller That's the same thing.

33:10 Adam What about the boys or the fellas?

33:12 Best Of CLL #1354 Nah. All righty.

33:14 Caller He's bisexual.

33:15 Adam Well, listen, Jonathan? Yeah. First off, don't get anyone pregnant.

33:19 Best Of CLL #1354 Of course not.

33:20 Adam Because we don't need your brainiac to reproduce it.

33:22 Drew What are they using for contraception?

33:24 Adam Condoms. Really? Yeah. All right. Listen, here's what you need to do.

33:29 Adam You need to juice them up with some wine coolers.

33:32 Adam First off, you need to just have sex, right? How old is your girl? Don't try to get anything in writing before. Just have sex and just, you know, see where it goes. See where your penis leads you.

33:45 Drew They're 15 and 16 year olds.

33:47 Adam What do you want me to say?

33:48 Drew Just cool out. Don't go have the threesome thing here. You're gonna ruin the relationship, right? Yeah.

33:54 Adam He doesn't care.

33:54 Best Of CLL #1354 That's one of the concern I have. You know, I love my girlfriend. I'll just try something new.

33:58 Drew Yeah, well, this will be, try something new. It'll be the end of your relationship, guaranteed.

34:01 Adam Yeah, but she's nuts anyway. Your number one plan is not to get her pregnant. Do you hear me, Jonathan?

34:07 Best Of CLL #1354 Oh yeah.

34:08 Adam You will be miserable for the rest of your life. More miserable than you're already gonna be.

34:12 Best Of CLL #1354 You got screwed already.

34:13 Adam Yeah, do not get her pregnant.

34:15 Best Of CLL #1354 Yeah.

34:15 Adam You hear me?

34:16 Best Of CLL #1354 Yep, of course.

34:17 Adam All right, listen to me. As your God, I command you not to... I'm one of the few gods that is against procreation.

34:25 Drew Nice.

34:26 Adam Most gods, you know, that's one of their number one jobs.

34:29 Drew Procreate, yeah.

34:29 Adam Go forth and procreate. Not me. Mine is go fifth and masturbate.

34:35 Adam It's a little bit different.

34:36 Adam Let's talk to Brandon. Brandon?

34:39 Caller Hello?

34:39 Adam You're 19.

34:40 Caller Hey, how's it going? Good. First of all, I wanna say that I know you guys probably got tired of this, but I wanna thank you for everything you do for people. I think you help as many people as you think or maybe even don't think you help.

34:54 Adam I never think about it, but thank you.

34:57 Caller My question was, in my philosophy class today, I was arguing with a girl who thought the morning after pill might be an abortion pill. But her case was because the medical definition of a abortion pill, or excuse me, of pregnancy was when the embryo caught the uterus.

35:21 Drew No, the definition of conception is when the egg reaches the sperm.

35:25 Caller Okay, so that's...

35:26 Drew It prevents that from happening.

35:28 Caller Okay.

35:29 Drew It has a finite possibility of occasionally, perhaps, interfering with implantation. About the same risk as all other birth control pills and many other anti-inflammatories that people use regularly out there. So if you're going to take this one off the market for that potential, you're going to have to remove all birth control.

35:52 Caller All right, okay. Okay?

35:54 Drew There you go. It's primary effect is by suppressing ovulation, so the egg is never released, so the sperm never gets to the egg.

36:01 Adam Hey, Brandon. I never took any philosophy classes or speech and debate or any of that nonsense.

36:07 Drew You got to go out and slay that dragon. You got to get her.

36:10 Adam I tell you, if I did, I hear tomorrow when you go in there and you start that argument, start every sentence with, yo bitch.

36:18 Drew Yo bitch.

36:18 Adam Yo bitch. And then you get into the details of it.

36:24 Caller Well, I'm in practice, so everybody starts saying everything with yo bitch.

36:27 Drew We'll just start with howdy.

36:28 Caller Howdy.

36:29 Adam And the whole class will yell howdy and you can make your escape. Is it true? Does everyone yell howdy at your school?

36:37 Caller I've actually found myself yelling it now.

36:40 Adam But if you say howdy to a large group of Texans, they will all answer in unison, howdy.

36:45 Adam Is it true?

36:46 Drew Or is that just Texas A&M?

36:48 Caller Yeah, there's no why at the end of it. It's just howdy.

36:51 Adam Howdy. And is that at all? Where do you go?

36:55 Caller I go to North Texas.

36:57 Caller Is that a real college?

36:59 Caller Yeah. Believe it or not, but it's sort of a pathetic one.

37:03 Adam North Texas sounds like one of those colleges that they make up when they do a football movie. Yeah. Yeah.

37:11 Caller Yeah.

37:12 Drew Or an animal house movie or something.

37:13 Adam Seventy year old guy wants to play quarterback. He's going to go back to North Texas and play.

37:19 Caller All right.

37:21 Adam We got some calls here.

37:22 Drew No, we're going for a break.

37:24 Adam I feel another fart coming on.

37:25 Drew Let's let me out of here.

37:27 Adam Hold on a second. We'll be right back.

37:31 Caller Oh, I'm eating nuts.

37:36 Drew Eating nuts, grunting, snorting.

37:39 Caller I mean, crap.

37:43 Adam How dare you turn this goddamn mic on? Don't give me that puss, Anderson. How dare you turn my mic down?

37:52 Drew All right.

37:52 Adam I couldn't get anything going, but I'll see what I can get going for the next.

38:30 Adam Hey, it's a loveline. Gee, I'm surprised we're going nuts here, Drew.

38:35 Drew Oh, you're just about to kill it. Yeah. No, no, like a pound of almonds.

38:40 Adam Yeah, I'm so good for you.

38:42 Adam There's fuel food.

38:43 Adam You know what I like about you, Drew? You eat. You like to eat.

38:46 Caller You eat.

38:47 Adam You eat like I eat.

38:48 Caller Yeah, yeah.

38:48 Adam You eat because there's a slight vengeance. Food's a little more than food for you. Me too. I like that. There's nothing worse than some pussy sitting around not eating while you're eating, making you feel bad about eating, especially at 11 o'clock at night. You're on your third tin of nuts and second sack of popcorn and they start making those comments. Oh, no, no. I'd like to, but no. That's what I don't like. I don't mind a guy saying, Oh, Christ, I just pounded six Arby's, roast beef sandwiches and a 12-pack of Mickey's. So I vomited 10 minutes ago. I'll be back in about five minutes, so I'll be helping you out. The chocolate covered macadamia's. Yeah, I'll be eating some of those. Yeah, I don't mind.

39:33 Drew No, no, no, we're okay.

39:34 Adam Leave the cashews. Get the cashews. How dare you hand my nuts back. I don't mind that dude. I don't like the dude who's announcing, Oh, no, no. Yeah, that's all saturated fat. I don't like that guy when I'm trying to eat. There's nothing better than a doctor who's pounding crap right next to you.

39:54 Drew People want me to be that guy.

39:56 Adam Yeah.

39:56 Caller You want to smoke?

39:58 Adam No. You don't want to smoke?

39:59 Drew I've drawn the line somewhere.

40:00 Adam You don't want to smoke?

40:01 Adam Okay.

40:01 Adam Give me some of the cashews.

40:02 Drew Oh, these are good.

40:03 Adam Oh, of course they're good.

40:04 Adam This is heroin.

40:05 Drew Oh, my God.

40:05 Adam I don't understand people that don't like nuts. You know, my two partners, Jimmy and Dan, I don't like nuts.

40:10 Drew Why don't you hang out with those guys? They have nothing in common with them.

40:12 Adam I don't anymore.

40:13 Drew Other than the sex.

40:14 Adam No more.

40:14 Drew If we're the sex, no more.

40:16 Caller You're right.

40:18 Adam They start eating cashews and macadamia nuts. I ain't hanging out with them.

40:22 Adam Bridget?

40:23 Caller Yeah.

40:23 Adam You're 17.

40:24 Caller Yeah. Hi.

40:26 Adam Oh, those cashews are so good.

40:28 Caller A few days ago, I was raped at a party. And I was just, I think that I might be pregnant. Because, well, I'm not sure because, like, when that happened, I was on my period. But, like, I heard that if, and it was unprotected, by the way. And I heard that if you have sex while you're on your period, then, like, there's a chance that you won't, like, get pregnant.

40:59 Drew Yeah, that's correct. So why do you think you're pregnant?

41:02 Caller Well, I mean, because it was unprotected. And I just think that, I don't know, I was just scared that...

41:08 Drew How long ago did this happen?

41:09 Caller It happened on Saturday.

41:11 Adam What happened?

41:12 Caller I was just really, really drunk. And I just didn't know what I was doing. Like, I was at that state where I just didn't know what was happening to me until the next morning. And I just thought and I realized, oh my gosh, what just happened?

41:26 Caller Well, who did this to you?

41:29 Caller I don't even know the guy. All I know is, he's a Marine.

41:33 Adam Yeah.

41:33 Caller Yeah. I don't know.

41:35 Adam How do you know he's a Marine? He yelled the Semper Fi before he jumped on you?

41:39 Caller Yeah. Well, we talked a little bit and that's all I got.

41:42 Adam Oh, so you did?

41:43 Drew So you were waking up to talk to the guy.

41:45 Caller Yeah.

41:46 Adam You were talking beforehand with him?

41:48 Caller Yeah.

41:49 Adam And then you passed out and he raped you?

41:51 Caller Well, yeah. I mean, I was like sort of like I have flashes of like what happened.

41:57 Drew You were awake.

41:58 Caller Yeah.

41:59 Drew You didn't pass out.

42:00 Adam Well, see, in his mind, he may not have raped you.

42:04 Caller Yeah. See, that's what I'm thinking.

42:06 Adam Yeah.

42:07 Caller I mean, I mean, it was like my choice to like drink and everything, but I.

42:11 Drew He may not even run you're drunk, right?

42:13 Caller No, like I didn't think I had that much.

42:16 Caller Well, well, hold on.

42:18 Adam Wait a minute. I got a fart.

42:18 Adam Now hold on.

42:24 Adam Yeah, I'm sorry to fart during a rape story. I know that's sometimes considered group considered bad taste. You ever, you know, sometimes in this rape crisis, groups have farted in those groups. It's not considered good etiquette. But maybe I know. Here's what I want to say. I want to say a couple of things. A, you're probably not pregnant because you're having your period.

42:46 Drew That's true.

42:47 Adam B, don't look at yourself as a rape victim. Look at yourself as somebody who drank too much and slipped up and got taken advantage of. But don't walk around as a rape victim. You're alive. And B, this guy's going like one hell of a Marine if he can rape someone who's on the period. That's the kind of Marine type mentality I like.

43:03 Drew But this is perhaps the consequence of alcoholism more than anything else.

43:08 Caller What?

43:10 Drew This is the consequence of your relationship with alcohol more than anything else.

43:13 Adam All right, so you...

43:14 Drew That's really where the problem is.

43:15 Adam Are you doing a lot of drinking these days?

43:18 Caller Yeah, lately I have been.

43:19 Adam All right, well maybe you need to slow down a little with your drinking.

43:21 Drew Is there alcoholism in your family? Yes.

43:23 Caller No, not that I know of.

43:25 Drew You know your parents?

43:26 Caller No. Well, yeah, I know my parents, but they're not alcoholics.

43:30 Adam All right.

43:31 Drew Your dad ever drinks?

43:33 Caller No, hardly ever.

43:34 Adam Well, maybe she's heroines his thing.

43:36 Drew They smoke pot?

43:37 Caller No.

43:38 Adam All right.

43:38 Drew Grandparents?

43:39 Adam Oh, let her be her own alcoholic. Well, let's say she's doing it herself. Bridget, stop going to parties and drinking so much.

43:48 Drew Has she been previously abused in any way?

43:49 Adam Any sexual abuse?

43:51 Caller No.

43:51 Adam Never been raped before?

43:53 Caller No.

43:54 Adam Okay, well, let's not have it happen again.

43:56 Caller Okay.

43:56 Adam But don't look at yourself as a rape victim.

43:58 Caller Yeah, okay.

43:59 Caller All right.

43:59 Adam Well, do you like the guy?

44:02 Caller No, I think he's a jerk.

44:04 Adam Oh, he's a jerk?

44:05 Caller Yeah.

44:05 Caller Why?

44:07 Caller Well, apparently I found out that he gets around in my school, so I have like no respect for him at all.

44:14 Drew Were you a virgin before this?

44:16 Caller Yeah.

44:17 Adam Do you, does this guy go to your school?

44:21 Caller No, he graduated a couple years ago.

44:23 Adam I see. And he's a Marine, but he just comes back and makes the rounds?

44:27 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

44:28 Adam That's a dynamite individual. I'd like to meet this champ one day. All right, Bridget, you're fine.

44:33 Caller Oh, and also, I still feel like since it was unprotected, I want to get like checked out, you know, but like I don't want to tell my dad about it.

44:45 Adam Right.

44:45 Caller And like all the clinics that I've called and the hospitals I've talked to, like I either have to have like a guardian with me or like if I go to the hospital, like they can treat me and stuff, but like they'd have to file a police report and like I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

45:01 Adam Well, don't tell me you're raped, just tell them you had sex, unprotected sex.

45:05 Caller And they'd still like be able to like treat me and stuff?

45:08 Drew Yes.

45:08 Adam Yeah, go to Planned Parenthood.

45:10 Drew Where?

45:11 Adam Oh, this guy's a Marine. What could he possibly have?

45:13 Drew What state are you calling from?

45:15 Caller Virginia.

45:16 Drew I don't know what the laws are like.

45:17 Adam Don't they got some kind of Planned Parenthood over there?

45:19 Drew Some of these states have strange laws where if money exchanges hands, they have to notify the guardian.

45:25 Adam Really?

45:25 Drew Yeah, it's a very strange thing.

45:26 Adam Can we just decide on which laws work and go ahead and adopt those?

45:30 Drew Nationally?

45:31 Adam Yeah.

45:32 Drew No.

45:33 Adam No.

45:33 Drew States' rights and all.

45:34 Adam I see. All right.

45:35 Adam Let's talk to Stephen.

45:37 Best Of CLL #1354 Hi.

45:38 Adam What's up?

45:39 Best Of CLL #1354 I've got the information on that Hyundai. It's a small support utility. The four-cylinder engines and inline-four 2.4-liter. Yeah. Produces 149 horsepower at 5,500 RPM.

45:52 Adam I see. What's the torque?

45:54 Best Of CLL #1354 156 at 3,000.

45:56 Adam Respectable. And what about the V6?

45:59 Best Of CLL #1354 2.7-liter V6, 181 at 6,000, and 187 at 4,000.

46:05 Adam So she was way off, essentially, on both her estimates.

46:08 Best Of CLL #1354 Yeah. And I'd like to say Hyundai isn't the worst car you can get.

46:12 Adam No. Daihatsu. What is it?

46:14 Caller Kia.

46:15 Adam Kia's bad.

46:16 Caller Yeah.

46:16 Best Of CLL #1354 Kia's worse than Hyundai.

46:18 Adam And what about Daihatsu?

46:20 Best Of CLL #1354 Do they still make those?

46:21 Adam I don't know.

46:21 Adam But my favorite car ever is the Daihatsu Charade. It's a favorite car, the Charade. Yeah.

46:28 Drew They should just call it the Sham.

46:29 Best Of CLL #1354 The Daihatsu Sham.

46:32 Adam Yeah.

46:33 Best Of CLL #1354 I don't know.

46:34 Adam I don't understand. I think it must have been one of those translation things. I think sitting back in Japan or Korea or wherever they invented a car, the Charade must have figured was a good thing. As it turns out, Charade is not a great thing. There's not a real popular connotation to Charade.

46:54 Drew It probably was going to be like Silhouette or Shadow or something and they screwed up the translation and became Charade.

47:01 Caller You know Nova means no go in Spanish?

47:04 Adam Nova means no go in Spanish.

47:06 Caller And they sell them over there all the time.

47:07 Adam It doesn't go? Yeah.

47:08 Drew They don't call it Nova.

47:09 Adam Oh, in Mexico?

47:10 Caller Yeah, they call it Nova over there.

47:12 Drew They call it Nova.

47:13 Adam They call it Nova, yeah. Drew's right. It's a chubby Nova.

47:17 Caller Thank you.

47:18 Caller All righty.

47:19 Adam Stephen?

47:20 Best Of CLL #1354 Yeah.

47:20 Adam Thanks for the Hyundai info.

47:22 Best Of CLL #1354 Also, I'd like to say that Drew and Anderson, I think you do a really great job and the show wouldn't be the same without you.

47:27 Drew Thank you for supporting us, Stephen.

47:28 Best Of CLL #1354 I agree with what that guy said.

47:29 Adam It's too late. That 14-year-old has spoken and it is done.

47:32 Best Of CLL #1354 Who are you, Drew?

47:33 Adam They'll be fine. There he is. This is their last show. We'll be back after this.

47:40 All right. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:02 Adam Thank you, BC, Seattle.

48:25 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam. And that's Drew over there.

48:28 Drew I just want to thank Karen O'Hara again and let her know that Adam killed the bottle of almonds and cashews. Nice. And I got the chocolate macadamia nuts. Finished those.

48:39 Caller Did you kill those?

48:40 Drew A couple left.

48:41 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ.

48:42 Drew You want to have them?

48:43 Adam We got problems. No, I just...

48:46 Drew No, let's go vomit, seriously.

48:48 Adam Yeah. It's not a big deal if you just do it once in a while, right? It's not like I'm going to blow something out if I just vomit, you know, a couple times a year.

48:56 Drew Yeah.

48:56 Adam It's cool, right?

48:57 Drew Let's go.

48:57 Adam As a doctor? Listen, I've heaved many a time. Look at me. I'm fine.

49:05 Drew Please. Do you see what my parents... You know what? You know what?

49:08 Adam My mom, do you see what she did to me?

49:09 Drew I understand this.

49:10 Caller She withheld food.

49:12 Drew Yes.

49:12 Adam And now I go nuts. Yeah. And my family was so goddamn cheap. Well, not cheap, just poor and cheap that we didn't have the good expensive stuff in there. Nuts are expensive. Just macadamia nuts.

49:25 Drew I just noticed everything I'm saying tonight is heading towards fantasy answer.

49:29 Adam Dan?

49:30 Caller Hello.

49:31 Adam What's up?

49:32 Caller Well, I didn't think I would get through. I haven't heard a call from Michigan in a long time, so I am very happy to be on with you guys.

49:39 Adam Yeah, but how do you know? Who do you hear from anybody around the country on this?

49:43 Caller We don't.

49:43 Drew Yeah, we don't identify typically.

49:46 Caller I'm sorry.

49:47 Drew We don't ask people where they're calling from.

49:49 Caller Oh, I see.

49:49 Drew Yeah.

49:50 Caller All right. Well, anyway, I just wanted to comment and say that when I heard Dr. Drew's fantasy answers, you guys have got to do that a lot more often, a lot more often.

50:01 Adam There's a few things we don't do on this show, and one of them is good radio. Drew and I stumble on to something that is funny and then quickly forget about it and don't do it for years at a time.

50:12 Drew I'm always afraid that somebody's going to listen for a minute or two and take me seriously.

50:17 Adam Drew's fantasy answers are funny, and we should work those in every once in a while.

50:21 Caller Yeah. Actually, Dr. Drew has been loosening up a hell of a lot more.

50:24 Adam Well, he's drunk.

50:25 Caller You're kidding me.

50:26 Adam He has a few naps when he comes in here.

50:30 Caller And also the Loveline movie, I think you guys should definitely seriously think about that one.

50:35 Drew What would the plot be?

50:36 Caller Well, if you kind of do it in the style of the Beatles movie.

50:39 Adam Yeah. Do it like Yellow Submarine or Hell.

50:41 Caller Well, no, not really that, but just kind of remotely refer to the movie or refer to the show and kind of work in some of the colors.

50:51 Drew It needs to be some sort of high tech adventure.

50:52 Caller It might actually be going on in their lives.

50:54 Adam Well, wait a second. I agree with Dan. After the success of the Jerry Springer movie, we should have no difficulty with this pitch. What do you say, Drew?

51:03 Drew It's a natural.

51:03 Adam Drew, this is never going to happen. You want to know why?

51:05 Drew Because it's about you and me.

51:07 Adam Yeah. And I, although I am full of myself, I have no energy for myself when it comes to business. I have, well, my time is monopolized by building things and messing with model airplanes.

51:21 Drew So I should go ahead and write and pitch this thing?

51:22 Adam You're going to have to do it. I can't pitch anything that has me in it. It's not going to work. Not for me. It doesn't work well.

51:29 Drew So when they say, is Adam in, we can count on that?

51:32 Adam We've got to call him. He's flying his model airplane. Donnie?

51:35 Caller Yo.

51:36 Adam You're 18.

51:37 Caller What's up?

51:38 Adam What's up?

51:38 Caller Long time listener. First time caller.

51:41 Drew Great. Many time hot smoker.

51:44 Caller Yes. All right. You guys with me?

51:46 Drew Yeah.

51:46 Caller OK. I'm 18. And there's this beautiful 33 year old woman that is interested in me. She, I found her a mutual friend that she's interested in me. And I've come to believe that she like wants a relationship and she's going to be in town for five days. And I don't know if I should avoid this because of the age difference or if I should go for this.

52:12 Adam What town is she in?

52:14 Caller Well, she's in another country, but she's just going to be in town for five days.

52:17 Adam How do you know her if she's in another country?

52:19 Caller I was working in that country.

52:21 Adam I see.

52:21 Drew What country were you talking about?

52:22 Caller Canada.

52:24 Drew I thought you were talking about Malaysia or something.

52:27 Adam Listen, any place where they speak English is not another country.

52:30 Drew That's contiguous with the United States.

52:32 Adam Yeah, it's attached. Somebody arbitrarily drew a line down our country and now you're in Canada. You know what I'm saying? Doesn't feel different to me.

52:43 Drew You referenced her wanting a relationship and then quickly retreated to she's only going to be here five days from another country.

52:50 Adam Yeah. How do you know she wants a relationship with you?

52:52 Caller Well, basically we've written each other a few emails and she says stuff like, I'm decorating my house right now. I wish you were here to help me decorate. Like, I wish we could live together. Stuff like that.

53:03 Drew Did she say, I wish we could live together?

53:05 Caller She didn't say those exact words, but she definitely insinuated stuff like that.

53:09 Drew No, I think she's talking about sharing an intimate moment with you, which I know as an 18 year old, that's a very far cry from where you're at.

53:16 Adam Is she newly divorced?

53:18 Best Of CLL #1354 No, she just got out of a long-term relationship.

53:20 Drew With a husband?

53:22 Caller No, she's never been married.

53:24 Adam I see.

53:24 Caller So basically, do you think she wants the same thing I want, an experience with someone who's totally out of their age range?

53:31 Adam Yes.

53:32 Drew No.

53:32 Adam Well, listen, she's going to be here for five days. Have your kicks with her.

53:38 Caller Really?

53:38 Adam Yeah.

53:39 Caller Far out.

53:40 Adam Yeah, what do you want? You're 18, you're a man chronologically. Yeah. And, you know, genetically. Yeah. Pick her up at the airport on your moped. And you guys go down the park, drink a six pack of Mickey's and, you know, hump her right there on the grass.

53:56 Best Of CLL #1354 Right on.

53:57 Adam Yeah, you're fine. And quit smoking so much weed.

54:00 Best Of CLL #1354 Oh, you got it, man.

54:01 Drew And quit using so many of those those borne out phrases from the 70s.

54:05 Adam What it is. Far out. Far out. Hey, hey, hey, man, you're Squaresville. Hold on. I got a good one. I'll tell you one of the reasons I got into the radio, into radio so I could blow wind into the mic. That was a nice...

54:25 Drew I'm sorry, I didn't believe that was actually you. Oh yeah. That was him.

54:28 Adam Oh, that was a two-stager. Dude.

54:31 Drew Look at what he's sitting.

54:36 Caller Hey Anderson, you got that?

54:38 Adam Come on, get that one. Can you replay that? Come on, buddy. What do you mean? You can? Why not?

54:44 Caller I can tomorrow night.

54:45 Adam Tomorrow night? I'd like to hear that tomorrow night.

54:48 Caller So you'll hear it more tonight on your way home, bro.

54:50 Adam The best of gas reel. Natalie Rotano from VIP will be in here tomorrow night. She should hear that fart. Probably turn her on. Cameron.

54:59 Caller Filthy, filthy man.

55:00 Adam Yeah. No punch tonight, though. Nothing.

55:03 Drew Thank you, God.

55:04 Caller No.

55:04 Adam No zip at all.

55:05 Caller That was a nice intro, Adam, the fart.

55:08 Caller Yeah. Getting up to the call here.

55:09 Adam Let me tell you something, Cameron. Cameron, I was just bragging to a buddy of mine tonight about how my farts have had much more zip in the last four or five years. And I was really sort of almost gloating about my rectum. Right.

55:24 Drew Part of your aging rectum.

55:25 Adam For many years, I've just been blowing essentially warm air out of my head. But now, in the last few years, I've been noticing a little substance, a little zip, a little punch.

55:36 Drew Coming at your own.

55:37 Adam A little je ne sais quoi coming out of there. And a little consistency, finally. And you know what? Tonight, blowing just wind.

55:46 Caller That's good.

55:46 Adam Nothing.

55:47 Caller That's nice.

55:47 Adam Yeah. It's humiliating.

55:48 Drew I said a prayer before I came in.

55:49 Adam It's like I'm letting myself down. My anus is letting my nose down. That's the way I feel. Cameron?

55:56 Caller Yeah.

55:57 Adam What's up?

55:58 Caller Well, I'm in a long term relationship with someone that's been about 14 months now, going on 14 months.

56:05 Adam Yeah.

56:06 Caller And I cannot last in the sack. It's just it's just not working out.

56:11 Drew How long do you last?

56:14 Caller Like a minute, maybe a little more.

56:18 Adam Really? And then and then what? And there's the orgasm after that.

56:22 Caller It's just it's all gone after that.

56:25 Caller It's like, why'd you write Jenna Sequoia?

56:28 Drew Just because you run it all together drives me insane. That's how my brain works.

56:33 Caller You say Jenna, Jenna, Jenna, Jenna, Jenna Sequoia, Jenna Sequoia.

56:40 Adam That's how you say that.

56:42 Caller I can't say Jenna Sequoia.

56:44 Adam I can't make it into one thing.

56:45 Drew Now you're saying it. Now you're doing it fine. But you this this all became one word.

56:50 Caller Jenna say, yeah.

56:51 Adam Well, what does it mean? Certain something.

56:54 Caller I don't know what you're you know, it means I don't know what.

56:56 Adam Yeah. Okay. So I don't know what.

57:01 Drew I don't know what.

57:02 Adam Drew speaks French fluently and it bothers him when I say certain Jenna Sequoia instead of Jenna Sequoia. All right.

57:10 Caller Sorry.

57:11 Adam Thank you. Anyway.

57:13 Caller Yeah.

57:13 Adam Yeah. Sorry about that, buddy.

57:15 Caller Yeah.

57:15 Adam So what's going on with your penis?

57:18 Caller It's just I can't control it after that point.

57:21 Adam You can't?

57:22 Caller Yeah. I was wondering if there's anything I could do for that.

57:25 Adam Let me tell you truthfully.

57:27 Adam Okay.

57:30 Adam Here's my take on this from doing this show and from having experience with not only my penis but Drew's and many others around the station. Some guys.

57:42 Adam Okay.

57:43 Adam Here's what I want to say. Five percent of guys can go on as long as they want and have a sort of gifted set of nuts.

57:50 Drew I think it's as high as five percent even.

57:53 Adam Just for the sake of rounding up.

57:55 Drew Less than five percent.

57:56 Adam Five percent of guys can do whatever they want with their penis like some kind of magic wand. They keep an erection all night. They can hump all night. Nothing ever happens.

58:05 Drew Or like a ninja producing a minute.

58:06 Adam Like a ninja.

58:07 Caller A magic wand makes my penis grow.

58:10 Adam The other five percent shoots off in one minute and then everyone else sort of falls somewhere in between could be closer to the bottom, could be closer to the top. You know what I'm saying? You're in that bottom five percent, unfortunately.

58:22 Drew In nature, in the natural habitat.

58:24 Adam Yes.

58:25 Drew You'd reproduce more effectively than anyone.

58:27 Adam Yeah, it's great because a saber-toothed tiger is at the cave door while you're trying to rape.

58:33 Drew And no problem.

58:33 Adam And no problem.

58:35 Caller Bow.

58:36 Adam You understand?

58:37 Caller Yeah.

58:37 Adam Now, hold on. It's all worth it to see the look on Anderson's face when I blow wind into that mic.

58:46 Adam Wait a minute.

58:47 Adam I got a follow up.

58:48 Caller A rebuttal, as it were.

58:50 Adam You ready?

58:51 Adam You want to, Jen? I'm a grown man. I break wind into the phone when I'm talking to my friends. They don't even believe me.

59:04 Drew I just, I just think about the chimpanzees and other primates, right? I know Chimp can compare to my ass, Drew, but, but your reaction.

59:13 Adam Yeah, I'm better.

59:13 Drew I see that of a chimp.

59:14 Adam I fart better than a chimp.

59:16 Drew What are you talking about? No, it's not the fart, it's the reaction.

59:18 Adam Yeah, I'm better. I can out fart any chimp. All right. Hey, Cameron.

59:26 Drew Yeah.

59:26 Adam So you're in that lower 5% and in the question is, what can I do? I know. I know. And I'm telling you the problem. You're like a guy who's slow running. There's not a whole lot you can do. You can work on it, but you ain't never going to be a sprinter. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm damning you is what I'm saying.

59:49 Caller Well, you're.

59:49 Adam There's not a whole lot you can do.

59:51 Drew Well, you can go a couple.

59:53 Adam Get a partner you're really into. Give her a lot of oral sex.

59:56 Caller Go and see.

59:58 Adam That's how it is.

59:59 Drew More than one round.

1:00:00 Adam See if you can go a few rounds. Can you go a few rounds?

1:00:03 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:00:04 Adam All right.

1:00:05 Caller Well, like I could double the world's population in one day.

1:00:07 Adam So go a few rounds. Maybe. How about something to numb me up? You rub some coke on your deck?

1:00:13 Drew No, no, no.

1:00:15 Caller Like when I use protection, I can go for like ever, but then it's just not the same. It's just.

1:00:20 Adam Yeah.

1:00:22 Caller How about half a condom?

1:00:23 Adam Yeah.

1:00:23 Drew Using condom for a while and then taking it off.

1:00:25 Adam I just saw it off and wear it like a turtleneck. Like I do.

1:00:30 Caller Just like a snow hat?

1:00:31 Adam Yeah. I mean, that's my thing. No, no. I actually cut the tip off and wear it around.

1:00:35 Drew Cut your penis off.

1:00:36 Adam Wear it around the base. No, no, no. You see what I'm saying? I cut the last inch and a half and I'm going to wear it like a turtleneck. My head would be my head. Cameron, there's really no easy fix to this. You get with one girl, you work it out, you drink. No.

1:00:52 Drew There are medicines.

1:00:53 Adam How about a couple of beers? See if that slows you down a little.

1:00:56 Drew Well, even Prozac and Zoloft, those kinds of medicines will delay ejaculation but also reduces libido.

1:01:01 Caller Stop.

1:01:02 Adam No, I don't have another part.

1:01:03 Drew You're like getting a position there.

1:01:05 Adam Well, I like to stay ready in case something crops up.

1:01:07 Caller Oh, my God. And no smell though, right?

1:01:10 Drew No.

1:01:10 Adam You got to be fair.

1:01:11 Drew Yeah, it's been delightful actually, like lilacs, roses.

1:01:15 Adam I'm really sorry to hear that. You know, to me the sound is great but the extra twist is when it's got that stink going. When the force drew out into the hall to do the show sitting on a trash can with a 20 foot mic cord sitting out there, miserable, people walking past him while he's out in the hallway. That's when the pride really kicks in.

1:01:38 Drew You're achieving at that point.

1:01:40 Adam When you force somebody out, you know, when you're driving and you got someone hanging their head out of the sunroof, that kind of stuff.

1:01:47 Drew Exerting your power.

1:01:48 Adam Yeah, that's pride.

1:01:49 Caller You're really clear out of room.

1:01:52 Adam Angela.

1:01:53 Caller Yeah.

1:01:54 Adam You're, what are you, 15?

1:01:55 Caller Yeah.

1:01:57 Adam I'm sitting in a fart-ready position, so it's hard for me to read the screen.

1:02:00 Caller I can smell it from here.

1:02:02 Adam Thank you, baby. I know you're just saying that, but thanks. What's up?

1:02:07 Caller I'm terrified of gynecologists.

1:02:09 Drew Why?

1:02:09 Caller Because it just freaks me out. So you know, there's someone looking at me.

1:02:14 Drew Why don't you not go to a gynecologist? Go to...

1:02:17 Caller Well, because my mom made me go one time.

1:02:19 Drew Uh-oh, how old were you?

1:02:20 Caller I was like 12 or 13. She made me go because I hadn't started my parade yet and she was worried. So she made me go and I seriously didn't want to go. And she made me go and it was totally weird and uncomfortable.

1:02:33 Adam Who was the person?

1:02:35 Caller He was a guy. My mom's gynecologist.

1:02:38 Adam White guy?

1:02:39 Caller Um, yeah.

1:02:40 Adam No, you need an Asian guy.

1:02:43 Drew Female.

1:02:43 Adam A female Asian. You don't think of them as people?

1:02:47 Caller No, they are but it's just so creepy.

1:02:50 Adam Yeah, but better to get an Asian female than a white guy.

1:02:52 Drew I worked with a nurse practitioner that used to specialize in dealing with exactly this problem. I would spend a lot of time talking to people and actually would kind of have the patient, believe it or not, participate in the insertion of the speculum and use mirrors so they could see exactly what's going on.

1:03:07 Adam Yeah, a couple of wine coolers, maybe one of those mirror balls.

1:03:10 Drew Would that make you feel any better?

1:03:12 Caller Well, no, it's just that someone's looking at me, you know, it's like...

1:03:15 Drew Just period. Even though you were in control and participating, that wouldn't help overcome some of that anxiety.

1:03:19 Caller Yeah, it's just so gross because, like, it's my body and, like, it's just so disgusting.

1:03:23 Drew Well, what if you needed an appendectomy?

1:03:25 Adam Well, wait a minute, what's disgusting?

1:03:27 Caller Well, just that someone's, like, looking at me, you know?

1:03:29 Drew Yeah.

1:03:29 Caller Because it's not like I go showing it to everybody.

1:03:32 Drew But what if you need an appendectomy? People are looking at a gross part of your body then, too?

1:03:36 Caller Well, yeah, but it's not the same.

1:03:38 Adam Yeah, that's not your sex part.

1:03:40 Caller Yeah.

1:03:40 Adam What do you want someone, looking at your penis or your appendix, Drew, please?

1:03:44 Drew Yeah, but I'm just wondering what she considers gross, you know what I'm saying?

1:03:48 Adam She's a little freaked out, she's 15, she's a girl, girls are a little freaky with this stuff. I'd be a little freaked out about it, too.

1:03:55 Drew If you were a girl.

1:03:56 Adam Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't want a guy, I wouldn't want anyone messing with my junk down there. Angela.

1:04:01 Caller Yeah.

1:04:02 Adam You find an Asian guy.

1:04:03 Caller Okay.

1:04:04 Adam Or an Asian woman.

1:04:05 Drew Then take your time, are you sexually active?

1:04:07 Caller No, not at all.

1:04:07 Drew So it's not, are you having a period now?

1:04:09 Caller Um, no.

1:04:10 Drew Ooh, still no.

1:04:12 Caller Huh?

1:04:12 Drew Still no period.

1:04:13 Best Of CLL #1354 Well, yeah, just not right now.

1:04:16 Drew No, okay. You have periods. You're just not at this moment. Okay. All right. So, so there's no real medical issues going on right now. Maybe a couple of years, you won't be so quite so nervous about it. Okay.

1:04:25 Caller I was just wondering if that was normal.

1:04:26 Adam You're fine.

1:04:27 Drew It happens. Certainly.

1:04:28 Caller All right.

1:04:28 Adam Get a Vietnamese work.

1:04:30 Caller All right.

1:04:31 Adam Any, any one of those bizarre nationalities?

1:04:34 Caller Uh-huh.

1:04:35 Best Of CLL #1354 You know, Chao.

1:04:37 Adam You know, you don't think about them. Uh-huh. You don't figure they're talking about you.

1:04:42 Caller Probably not.

1:04:42 Adam You know what I mean? That's what you need. Okay. Stay away from guys with jewelry.

1:04:48 Caller Okay.

1:04:49 Adam You understand?

1:04:49 Drew Of any ethnicity?

1:04:51 Adam Uh, stay away from Arab guys.

1:04:54 Caller Okay.

1:04:54 Adam Okay?

1:04:55 Drew Someone's complained to me when I was in Wisconsin that I let some, some ethnic stuff get by.

1:05:01 Adam Listen, different nationalities make, have different professions. That's what I'm saying.

1:05:06 Drew At this moment in history?

1:05:08 Adam Well, right now, yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it was like a million years ago, but I'll tell you right now, my daughter going to an Asian woman for gynecology, gynecology, right? You want to buy stereo? You go to, you go to the Israeli guy. You see what I'm saying? You need a cinder block wall built. Where do you go? Mexican, that's right. You see, Drew, nothing wrong with that. You got the slurpy, slurpy, there you go, Indian, of course.

1:05:40 Drew Jewelry?

1:05:41 Adam Jewelry, you go back, well, jewelry.

1:05:44 Drew You, you, you, What's right in the word?

1:05:45 Adam Can't spell jewelry without you. You go, you go, you go Jewel with the jewelry. That's strong. Israeli will work good for jewelry.

1:05:52 Drew Okay. Do we leave any ethnicities here?

1:05:55 Adam You want to go, you go like a guy who's making, making your crowns, you know, dental technician type guy. He's going to make you some false teeth or something like that. Something that's got to fit. Something's got to work. Go German. Oh yeah, sure. Good, precise, precision group over there. You, you're throwing, you're throwing a bachelor party. You need a, you need a restaurant. You go Mexican. See what I'm saying? Back to the Mexicans.

1:06:20 Drew For food?

1:06:21 Adam They're then at a party over there.

1:06:22 Caller They're throwing a party.

1:06:24 Adam Yeah. I could work it all out for you. Stolen watch. Yeah. Stolen watch tough.

1:06:31 Best Of CLL #1354 Puerto Rican?

1:06:37 Adam Anderson, what are you trying for over here? All right.

1:06:40 Drew You're trying to, what is our picture doing up on the computer?

1:06:43 Adam Gynecologist though. You go, you go, you go Asian woman.

1:06:47 Drew I can't hear them.

1:06:48 Adam They're selling a picture of you and your Dodger outfit on eBay.

1:06:51 Drew Oh, my God.

1:06:52 Adam Nina? Yeah? You're 14. What's up?

1:06:58 Caller Well, I've been taking a lot of medications for about two months and just yesterday, I or it'd be the day before yesterday, whatever. I was having really bad side effects where I would just, from noon all the way till five the next morning, I was so dizzy and I had really bad double vision and I kept just like falling and I had to keep laying down.

1:07:23 Drew Was that from coming off one of the medicines or from taking them?

1:07:26 Caller No, no, I was still taking them. Nothing changed except I did start on...

1:07:32 Drew On Dylantin or something?

1:07:34 Caller I started on, I'm not sure what it's called.

1:07:37 Drew Tegretol?

1:07:37 Adam Did you get molested when you were six?

1:07:40 Caller When I was seven.

1:07:41 Adam Seven. You know, it's funny. Seven was the first number popped in my goddamn head.

1:07:45 Drew With that voice.

1:07:46 Adam I chipped it down an inch. I chipped it down one year for some unknown reason. Molested at seven?

1:07:52 Caller Yeah.

1:07:52 Adam That's what I heard.

1:07:54 Drew The voice.

1:07:55 Adam There's nothing on this screen, by the way, that says anything about molestation. Read what it says on the screen.

1:08:00 Drew Having bad effects from meds. What to do?

1:08:04 Adam That's what it says? No, it says bipolar.

1:08:06 Drew OCD, minor schizo.

1:08:08 Caller Not true.

1:08:08 Adam How about reading the goddamn thing into the mic? What are we going to fade off?

1:08:14 Caller Yeah, I actually have another question after this one. But no, I wasn't coming off any.

1:08:18 Caller All right, so what molested you?

1:08:20 Caller My stepfather.

1:08:22 Adam Fantastic. At the age of six?

1:08:25 Caller Seven.

1:08:26 Adam Seven, right?

1:08:27 Caller For a little while, yeah.

1:08:28 Drew Oh, just for a little while.

1:08:29 Caller How long?

1:08:29 Caller Until I was like 10.

1:08:33 Adam I see.

1:08:34 Caller Oh boy.

1:08:35 Drew Three insignificant years.

1:08:36 Adam Where is he now?

1:08:37 Caller He's down the street. We don't see him anymore, though.

1:08:41 Drew Why is he in jail?

1:08:43 Caller Because I didn't tell my mom until a while and then she wouldn't believe me and she just stayed with him for a long time and then I didn't like seeing him so she would just like leave me alone for days at a time.

1:08:55 Caller Oh baby.

1:08:57 Drew But even now there's no statute on this. Why is he in jail now?

1:09:01 Caller Well, I don't know.

1:09:02 Drew Have you told your psychiatrist?

1:09:04 Caller Um, yeah, she knows but they just...

1:09:08 Adam Huh?

1:09:09 Caller She knows, my psychiatrist knows, but they just aren't working on it, I guess.

1:09:14 Adam All right.

1:09:15 Caller But um...

1:09:16 Adam Well, she's probably molesting someone else.

1:09:18 Drew Will you start on some anti-epileptic medicine like Tegretol or Dilatin, something like that?

1:09:22 Caller Oh no, I was already on Tegretol.

1:09:24 Drew All right, well that causes dizziness when its levels get real high.

1:09:28 Caller Well yeah, but I've been taking it for two months. I'm taking Tegretol, Luvox.

1:09:33 Adam Hold on, I got a fart coming up.

1:09:35 Adam I know it's important, but I mean, this is...

1:09:41 Caller Oh boy.

1:09:43 Drew Why the flurry of activity?

1:09:45 Adam I have no idea.

1:09:47 Adam It's called serendipity. You don't question it, Drew.

1:09:50 Drew It's a blessing.

1:09:52 Adam That's right. Nina? I'm sorry for the gas.

1:09:56 Drew Tegretol, Luvox.

1:09:57 Caller Luvox, Sonata, Seraclill, and Wilbutrin. And right now I'm taking something. I'm not sure what it's called because I have a urinary tract infection because I don't drink any water ever.

1:10:10 Drew So maybe the addition of the Norox into the Cipro, whatever you're taking, elevated your Tegretol.

1:10:16 Adam Hold on. Why don't you drink water?

1:10:18 Caller I don't know. I just, I don't like how it tastes. I just.

1:10:21 Adam Yeah.

1:10:22 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:10:23 Adam That's an acquired taste of water. It takes a little getting used to.

1:10:26 Drew So the reason you're dizzy is the interaction between possibly that Tegretol and your antibiotic.

1:10:31 Adam It's like chicken, you know?

1:10:32 Drew You understand?

1:10:32 Caller Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

1:10:34 Drew Okay, I'll bet. That's it.

1:10:35 Adam All right. Hey, Nina.

1:10:36 Caller I have one more question.

1:10:38 Adam Quiet up. I got some plans for you, baby.

1:10:41 Caller Okay.

1:10:42 Adam First off, you start drinking water.

1:10:44 Caller Okay.

1:10:45 Adam Secondly, you stay away from boys.

1:10:48 Caller Yeah, I want to do that because I just got, this is my other question. Okay, I was on the internet and this guy messaged me and he was like, oh, I really liked your website because I work with computers and stuff like that. And so I was like, oh, thanks. And we just started talking and he happened to live in the same state or the same town as me. And he was 26. And so then, like, he would always, like, ask me to come and then after a week...

1:11:22 Adam He raped you, I'm sorry. What happened?

1:11:24 Caller Okay. Finally, after three weeks, I went out with him. And he said we were just going to go see a movie and I don't know why I trusted him. And he's 6'5 and he's a boxer and I'm 4'10 and I'm really tiny.

1:11:38 Adam He raped you. Did he rape you or not?

1:11:42 Caller He orally raped me.

1:11:44 Adam Okay.

1:11:44 Adam Well, that's not right.

1:11:45 Caller But he made me like, like, touch him and do all this stuff. I'm really shy.

1:11:52 Adam Okay.

1:11:53 Adam Listen to me, Nina. Before my ass speaks again, you've been through hell. You're trying to take care of yourself. But you're going to have some real bad tendencies. You're going to make some bad decisions.

1:12:07 Drew With men.

1:12:08 Adam You're going to be going out with 26-year-old guys. They're going to orally rape you.

1:12:11 Drew That you meet on the web.

1:12:12 Adam That you meet on the web site. No more of that screwball. Do you hear me? Now listen. Here's what happened. Somebody entered your life when you were way too young and made your life bad. Now you're going to make your life bad without any help from him.

1:12:29 Caller Don't do that.

1:12:30 Adam Don't go on autopilot. Don't be a victim your whole life.

1:12:35 Caller What we did was, my mom has, he's in jail right now, and my mom has like all these detectives. She wants to keep him there for like a long time. And the guy that did that to me, cause like he came on me and stuff. And so what they did was they took me in and they had like, they did like the swap, they like, where I put my legs up and, and then they took a urine sample and like just some stuff like that. And I want to know if there's any other precautions I should take or any other things I should do.

1:13:08 Adam Well, listen, they, I'm sure they took care of what they needed to take care of. Nina, that's it for you, no more, no more screwing around on the internet. You be careful and don't get pregnant. Don't get pregnant.

1:13:21 Caller Okay.

1:13:21 Adam You're 14, I want you to wait at least a year and a half before you get pregnant.

1:13:25 Caller I don't want kids.

1:13:27 Adam Good, kids are horrible. All they do, you know what they do? They tug on your apron strings and they want food.

1:13:33 Caller Yeah.

1:13:34 Adam It's no good. Thank God my parents ever fell for that trick. All right, Nina. Okay. Take care of yourself, baby. Please, please. I'd like to take this mom and I'd like to dump honey on a roller and coconut in the eater. I like to think about eating and farting tonight. I hear like a big bitch bond. Put ice cream on her freezer, pour chocolate on her and eat her up like a big bitch bond. Crazy bitch bringing home the goddamn molesting stepdad. Yeah, go ahead and ask my six, seven year old. Have at it. Yeah, good three years. Don't worry.

1:14:15 Caller I don't know what's going on.

1:14:16 Drew Guess what?

1:14:17 Adam Yeah, well, good. I'm glad she got molested. Not this one, her mom. I know dad did something weird to her. Grandpa did something weird to her. But Jesus Christ still makes you a criminal. Yeah. And this guy, I have his nuts cut off, ruining everyone's life. You bang around with this seven year old. And seven years later, she's on a date with the 26 year old guy from the Internet. Listen, you scum bags out there. Jesus Christ, what must it be like to be you? And don't you got to look in the mirror in the morning? What's it feel like? Do you know what I mean? You should just go kill yourself. Have some dignity. All you guys out there that are praying on the Internet, you know, jack off on some 14 year old chick who got molested, just kill yourself. Just kill yourself. Let's make it easy on everybody. Salvage your last shred of dignity. Go get a gun, put it in your mouth, and blow your head off. Save your family a little grief, too, and the court system and society and everything. Just take your life. Please make things easy. You guys that are turned on by your five year old nephew, just jack yourself. Put a gun in your mouth and blow your head off. It's never going to get better. Just kill yourself. Be a lot better.

1:15:37 Adam All right.

1:15:38 Drew Are you done?

1:15:39 Adam I'm thinking about breaking in some more wind.

1:15:41 Adam All right.

1:15:41 Adam I'm going to take a little break. Let's see if I can work something up, and we'll be back. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Druski over there. Phone number 1-800-LEV-191, Natalie Rotano from VIP. It's going to be on Toronto. She's done the show quite a few times.

1:16:27 Drew Maybe you should bring your best friend in.

1:16:30 Adam Oh, you're talking about...

1:16:31 Caller Your girl.

1:16:33 Adam Yeah.

1:16:35 Caller Molly.

1:16:36 Adam Molly Culver. You know, I remember Molly Culver's name, the redhead from VIP. She looks like Molly. Doesn't she look like Molly?

1:16:45 Caller Yeah.

1:16:46 Adam What is that? Is it a Molly Ringwald thing? What is about that sort of auburn hair and whatever that... She looks like Molly. She's easy to remember.

1:16:55 Drew It's a strange name.

1:16:57 Adam There's a lot of Molly's.

1:16:58 Drew It's a popular name.

1:17:00 Adam It's easy to remember people's names when they look like that name. I ran into her at a Home Depot. No.

1:17:09 Adam Yeah.

1:17:11 Adam Very hot. I like that. Isn't her dad like a jet pilot or something?

1:17:15 Drew Air Force pilot, yeah.

1:17:16 Adam Dynamite.

1:17:17 Adam I like that. I like that auburn hair thing. It's nice.

1:17:21 Drew Why don't you ask her out?

1:17:22 Adam Very attractive woman. She's got a boyfriend. She's got like some kind of model boyfriend or something. Annie?

1:17:30 Caller Uh-huh.

1:17:30 Adam You're 35.

1:17:32 Caller Yes.

1:17:32 Adam What's up?

1:17:33 Caller Well, I have a question for you. The question is, is it against the law for a father to have new pictures of his daughter?

1:17:41 Adam Oh, quite the contrary. It's encouraging, must say. Nude?

1:17:45 Drew Nude? What do you mean?

1:17:46 Caller Okay. My husband has nude pictures of his daughter when she was about 12. And she's in the shower and then she's sitting on the toilet. There's probably like 10 of them.

1:18:00 Adam Where did you find these?

1:18:02 Caller In his pictures.

1:18:04 Adam I see in his pictures.

1:18:06 Caller His family pictures.

1:18:07 Adam Are you saying he's keeping his pictures with his pictures now?

1:18:11 Caller Pardon me?

1:18:12 Adam That crafty son of a bitch.

1:18:14 Drew She's 12 years old?

1:18:16 Caller Well, she's 15 now. The pictures were taken when she was 12. And I was wondering if...

1:18:21 Adam You're saying she's aged since the pictures?

1:18:23 Drew I don't know that it's illegal. I just know that it's some sort... it's a bizarre boundary violation.

1:18:30 Adam Annie, what I'm asking is, did he seem to be trying to hide these at all?

1:18:35 Caller No, no, not at all.

1:18:37 Drew Does he think it's funny or something?

1:18:39 Caller But what's really odd is when I first met him, which was a couple of years ago, she slept with him. Who?

1:18:47 Adam His daughter.

1:18:48 Caller His daughter, and she insisted on sleeping with us. And I thought it was a jealousy thing, because she was jealous because there was somebody around getting attention from her dad. But then she's done bizarre things like showing her body, and then he does bizarre things too. Like what? Like he comes, he didn't, he did this like a month or two ago. He put a G-string on and he went out and he, he looked at me before he went out and he told me he was going to go show his daughter. And then I looked down the hall to see what he was doing. And then he bent over and showed his crack of his, you know, showed his ass to her. And I was just, I got a girlfriend and she swears that the electric complex is going on in my situation.

1:19:35 Adam What complex?

1:19:36 Caller The electric complex.

1:19:39 Drew That you have the electric complex?

1:19:40 Caller No, no, I don't. No, that, that's happening.

1:19:45 Drew Look, this is, look, look, you don't have to, it doesn't have to qualify as some specific syndrome. It's bizarre, it's inappropriate, there's profound boundary violation and there may be very serious abuse.

1:19:58 Adam Thank God you married this chap.

1:20:00 Caller Well, the thing is, is the, you know, the electric complex, it's a strong sexual attraction between father and a daughter.

1:20:06 Adam Oh, okay, all right. Well, then if you've got that, what are you gonna do? That's a disease.

1:20:10 Caller They both act like they both have it towards each other.

1:20:13 Drew And, and.

1:20:13 Adam Hold on, let me talk to you, Drew. What's that, electric complex?

1:20:16 Drew It's nothing. It's just, it's just.

1:20:18 Adam What is it?

1:20:18 Drew It's father, daughter. It's what we talk about every night, sexual abuse. It's, it's, it's, you know, it's just.

1:20:25 Adam Is it like, edible complex for guys?

1:20:27 Drew Yeah, kind of.

1:20:27 Adam And mom, is it the, where does it come from?

1:20:29 Drew Yeah. It, it, it, it doesn't apply. It's not, it's not something people talk about.

1:20:33 Adam It's not in Greek mythology or something?

1:20:34 Drew Yeah, Electra was a, was a, was a, was another, another Sophocles play, wasn't it?

1:20:39 Adam All right, so that's what it is.

1:20:40 Drew Yeah.

1:20:40 Adam Well, I'm just trying to, trying to get a little education here. As you know, I didn't study the classic literature. Now, hold on, I gotta fart here.

1:20:50 Drew You can't quit.

1:20:53 Adam All right, here's the deal. This guy, this guy scares me. This guy's a serious piece of work.

1:21:00 Drew This is not, this is not, let me, No, I'm yelling at Ann.

1:21:03 Adam Let me, how dare you try to yell. No, I'm yelling at her first. Listen here, nut job. I don't give a good goddamn what he calls it and stop clinging to the name. He and his daughter are having a bizarre relationship. Don't make it this 50-50 thing. He went and screwed his daughter up because he's a whack job. Now his daughter, whatever she-

1:21:27 Caller He's strung out on speed.

1:21:28 Drew He is?

1:21:29 Caller Yeah, he's been strung out on, I've been told by his ex-wife, which is his daughter's mother, that he's been doing speed for about 20 years.

1:21:39 Adam How about you- Couldn't you just married a goat and been better off?

1:21:44 Caller Totally.

1:21:45 Adam And why you marry this speed act with this crazy, what's up with you?

1:21:49 Caller Well, he hit it and I didn't know it.

1:21:52 Adam Oh, you didn't know nothing. What, do you walk around with earplugs and a blindfold like Tommy?

1:21:57 Drew No. You don't understand how people work. I mean, your dad is an alcoholic or an addict or something, right?

1:22:04 Adam My dad?

1:22:04 Drew Yeah.

1:22:05 Adam No.

1:22:05 Drew Or mom, somebody, somewhere.

1:22:07 Adam Something. Oh, what happened to you, baby?

1:22:10 Caller No, just, just got, I was getting-

1:22:12 Adam No, what about you? What set you up for this?

1:22:17 Caller Stupidity, I guess.

1:22:18 Drew No, what, no.

1:22:19 Adam Where's your dad? What's he do?

1:22:23 Caller He's a normal person, as far as I know.

1:22:26 Adam Really? Not an alcoholic?

1:22:28 Drew Has to be.

1:22:29 Caller No, no.

1:22:30 Adam What's he do, drive a truck?

1:22:32 Caller No.

1:22:32 Adam What's he do?

1:22:34 Caller Hold insurance.

1:22:35 Caller Uh-huh.

1:22:36 Drew How about your mom?

1:22:37 Caller That's gotta be it.

1:22:38 Adam What about your mom?

1:22:39 Caller She was a nurse.

1:22:41 Adam Uh-oh. What, do you ex-junkie yourself?

1:22:43 Caller No, no.

1:22:45 Adam Not recovering?

1:22:45 Caller Absolutely. No, when I was younger, I tried it from time to time, and I never liked it.

1:22:50 Adam Uh-huh.

1:22:50 Caller So I stayed away from it.

1:22:51 Adam From what?

1:22:52 Drew From what? No, no, shut up.

1:22:53 Adam That's ain't the right path. Maybe you're just dumb or desperate or fat or something. I mean, what, why did you marry this guy?

1:23:01 Caller Well, because honestly, he was the biggest liar I ever met, but during the time that he was doing everything, I didn't, I just got caught up in it.

1:23:10 Adam All right. Now, what's up with you? You 100 pounds overweight?

1:23:13 Caller No.

1:23:14 Adam Desperate?

1:23:16 Caller Uh, no.

1:23:16 Adam Your teeth all left up? What's going on?

1:23:18 Caller Why, why are you so desperate?

1:23:20 Adam You marry a guy like this?

1:23:21 Caller I didn't know he was like that.

1:23:22 Best Of CLL #1354 No, you should have known.

1:23:24 Caller I really thought that it was all innocent.

1:23:26 Adam All right. Do you have any kids yourself?

1:23:29 Caller Um, no.

1:23:30 Adam What happened to them?

1:23:31 Caller What happened to who?

1:23:33 Adam Your kids.

1:23:34 Caller I don't have any.

1:23:34 Adam Never did?

1:23:35 Caller No, never did.

1:23:36 Caller Good girl.

1:23:37 Caller Thank you.

1:23:38 Adam All right.

1:23:38 Drew Look, you have somebody with explicit, severe medical psychiatric disease here. What do I do?

1:23:44 Adam Listen, listen to me.

1:23:45 Drew Just shut up for a second. Oh my God. Drive me crazy. It's, you know, to hypothesize about nuances of subconscious activity, such as the electric complex, at one time referred to, is absolutely absurd. You have a profound amphetamine addict who is behaving in totally inappropriate manner around his daughter. You've got to protect that child. You should call Child Protective Services. He needs to be busted or brought to bear in some way to get him into treatment, because this ain't never going to stop unless he gets some help with the speed addiction. That is number one. Nothing else is going to change if his addiction isn't treated.

1:24:23 Caller Well, you know, I called and they told me that I needed proof, and then that's when I decided to call you guys, because the only thing that I knew would be any kind of proof would be the pictures.

1:24:32 Adam Oh, good. Use those pictures and you tell him he's off speed or you're out of there.

1:24:38 Caller Oh, I'm already out of there, guys.

1:24:40 Adam Oh, you are?

1:24:41 Caller Yeah. Oh, good girl. Yeah, three weeks.

1:24:44 Adam Oh, what do you care then?

1:24:45 Drew Maybe go to some Alanon meetings, because you're going to need a little guide.

1:24:47 Caller Well, he's stalking me and stuff. That's kind of why I'm...

1:24:50 Adam I see.

1:24:51 Drew Go to Alanon.

1:24:52 Adam Call the cops. I mean...

1:24:54 Drew Ace, people on speed get violent. They really do.

1:24:58 Adam Yes, yes. Bust him. This guy's a danger to you, himself, and his daughter. He's putting on a thong back and giving his girlfriend, I mean, giving his daughter a winger.

1:25:12 Adam Jesus Christ. What's up with these? Please.

1:25:15 Adam Listen, I said before, I said, well, kill yourself. Kill yourself and have some dignity, you guys.

1:25:22 Caller Please.

1:25:25 Adam Kill yourself. Sleeping with your daughter, taking pictures of her, getting in a thong back. Just kill yourself. Do it. What are you going to do? Invent something? You're not doing anything. You're just using up space. You're not important like me. I'm flying this model airplanes. I'm working on my garage. I'm doing things. You see what I'm saying, Drew? Doing a lot of things. Where was I today? Went down to Marina Del Rey to talk to a guy who made motors for model airplanes. Very important. Doing God's work. But not you people. You people are doing nothing. You're hogging all the drugs. You watch TV. You get loaded and you screw with your daughter. Just kill yourself. You're not going to do anything. It's all right. Not everyone was here. Not everyone's here to do something.

1:26:09 Caller Right, Drew?

1:26:10 Adam Thank you. All right.

1:26:11 Caller We're going to take a little break.

1:26:12 Adam Also, I got a fart in the microphone. It's another reason I'm here.

1:26:16 Caller Don't you ever stop talking.

1:26:19 Drew Thank you.

1:26:22 Adam Was that Norm MacDonald?

1:26:23 Caller From what? Oh, okay.

1:26:27 Adam When we come back, we'll speak to Aaron as a 17, abusive toward girlfriend but wants to stop. Let's know what depression can cause after this.

1:26:52 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

1:27:02 Caller It's Loveline.

1:27:06 Adam My ass is kind of hurting now, girl.

1:27:08 Caller I think I hurt it.

1:27:11 Adam Dammit.

1:27:12 Adam You see, I leave it all in the studio, buddy. I give it all for the show. I love the kids that much. Aaron?

1:27:20 Best Of CLL #1354 Whatever.

1:27:21 Adam You're 17.

1:27:22 Adam What's up?

1:27:23 Best Of CLL #1354 I have a question. I've been told I went to counseling, and I was told that I had depression, and I haven't had that treated yet. But then I've noticed with my girlfriend, I get like really verbally abusive and sometimes physically. And I want to know if my depression has anything to do with that.

1:27:40 Drew Well, sure. Depression makes you irritable, sometimes aggressive.

1:27:44 Adam Sometimes physically abusive.

1:27:46 Drew Yeah.

1:27:47 Best Of CLL #1354 One time.

1:27:47 Drew One time. It doesn't make somebody an abuser though.

1:27:50 Best Of CLL #1354 I mean, because before with all my other girlfriends, I've just never liked this.

1:27:54 Drew Yeah, but you've got that in you.

1:27:55 Adam Well, hold on a second. I'm certainly gonna get it in you. I got something coming up here. It's out of me now. Is this the greatest country in the world?

1:28:11 Drew What, you mean we can have a job sitting on the microphone and farting?

1:28:13 Adam Just breaking wind into a microphone. Aaron?

1:28:16 Best Of CLL #1354 Yeah?

1:28:16 Adam Did you hear that one?

1:28:17 Caller Yep.

1:28:18 Adam Yeah, it was a big one, huh?

1:28:19 Best Of CLL #1354 That was a good one.

1:28:19 Adam Yeah, when you get a little older, you'll be able to fart like that, too.

1:28:22 Best Of CLL #1354 I already can.

1:28:23 Caller Oh, really?

1:28:24 Caller I got you beat.

1:28:25 Adam Son of a bitch. Why do you always brag, man? Why is it every time I let a good fart, you gotta call on this show and tell me about your ass? I know, what did you do to this girl? What was the worst you've done physically?

1:28:37 Best Of CLL #1354 Physically? One time we were at my house, we were fighting, and she made me mad, and she was standing by my bed, and I was just really mad, and I kicked both of her legs, and almost like breaking them.

1:28:47 Adam You kicked them?

1:28:48 Best Of CLL #1354 Yeah.

1:28:49 Adam It's a weird impulse to kick a girl, isn't it?

1:28:52 Best Of CLL #1354 I know.

1:28:53 Adam Well, I mean, what I mean is, you know, guys get pissed, they haul off and whack them on, but kicking is kind of a weird...

1:28:59 Best Of CLL #1354 Well, it's because I was like on the floor, she pushed me.

1:29:02 Adam Oh, I see. Well, you're on the floor.

1:29:03 Best Of CLL #1354 And my feet were just the first thing that flew out.

1:29:06 Adam I see. All right. So, Aaron, you're in counseling?

1:29:09 Best Of CLL #1354 Well, I was, and then my counselor moved to his own place, and I couldn't afford to go there.

1:29:15 Adam I see.

1:29:15 Best Of CLL #1354 So I called like last week to get help.

1:29:18 Adam Good.

1:29:18 Best Of CLL #1354 So, but then also I've noticed when she like wants to leave, I get like suicidal.

1:29:24 Adam Yeah. All right, you got a lot of energy, baby. You got that 17-year-old dude energy. Yeah.

1:29:29 Drew Yeah, but these two are bad together. This is not good.

1:29:32 Adam She's a handful too, though, right? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Maybe you two, you know, you two may drive each other a little crazy. You need a Labrador, not a Chihuahua. You need something a little mellow. You sit around and watch TV with.

1:29:47 Best Of CLL #1354 I mean, could my depression, though, be for my dad and like never be in there?

1:29:50 Adam Well, it could all be from something, but who cares where it's from?

1:29:54 Drew The point is, you got to contain.

1:29:56 Adam You got to deal with it. You better think seriously about this relationship, though. And you two may be a bad fit. Yeah.

1:30:02 Caller Well, I mean, we're fine.

1:30:04 Adam But then, you know, but then then the weekend comes around.

1:30:07 Caller Well, it's tough, like certain.

1:30:09 Best Of CLL #1354 I have a bad temper, too. Yeah. All right. One thing and like all of a sudden I get mad.

1:30:14 Adam All right.

1:30:14 Best Of CLL #1354 I like pounded on her car and.

1:30:16 Adam No. Yeah. God knows what you're doing to her car.

1:30:19 Best Of CLL #1354 Yeah.

1:30:19 Adam Aaron.

1:30:20 Best Of CLL #1354 Yeah.

1:30:20 Adam You need to you need to take a breath here, buddy.

1:30:23 Drew Are you doing drugs?

1:30:24 Best Of CLL #1354 No.

1:30:24 Adam How about you start smoking pot?

1:30:26 Best Of CLL #1354 No. I've done that before, but yeah, I quit.

1:30:29 Adam Doesn't work. See all the guys with the bad tempers quit. They should be smoking weed.

1:30:32 Drew You recently stopped smoking?

1:30:34 Best Of CLL #1354 No. I smoked my freshman year in high school.

1:30:37 Drew That was it.

1:30:38 Best Of CLL #1354 Yeah. I did it for like about a month and I quit.

1:30:40 Adam Yeah. Too bad. Be like they'd be nice and docile like Cypress Hill. Those guys used to be angry and then they smoked enough weed. Now they're mellow.

1:30:49 Best Of CLL #1354 Yeah.

1:30:50 Adam They kiss us every time they come in here. Hey, Aaron.

1:30:53 Adam Yeah.

1:30:54 Adam Get back with some counseling.

1:30:56 Best Of CLL #1354 I'm going to.

1:30:57 Adam Open the phone book. Get one of those anger management groups or something. Figure something out. But please don't take it out on her or Carsey. It's going to lead to trouble for you. Oh my God. Yeah. Someone's going to kick your ass.

1:31:08 Drew In California, that's a serious offense right now.

1:31:10 Adam Yeah. OJ ruined it for all of us abusers. You know, they got all that publicity. Now all of a sudden, it's a bad thing to slap around your bitch. And it's like, yeah, yeah, well, it's a bad, bad thing to slap some bitch around. And whereas before, you know, it's kind of chic, kind of in vogue and all the athletes were doing it. Guys were doing it. You know, I remember just talking about, hey, you just slap your bitch. Yeah, hell yeah. Slap yours. Damn right. You know what I'm saying? Sitting out there, sitting on the, sitting on a pile of two by fours. Talking about slamming them bitches. And then all of a sudden, OJ., he gets popped. And now it's like ruin for all of us. Oh no, you can't slap a bitch anymore.

1:31:50 Caller All right.

1:31:50 Adam No way.

1:31:51 Drew Keep moving.

1:31:52 Caller Keep moving.

1:31:53 Adam It's like, all of a sudden it's like taboo.

1:31:55 Drew Here we go.

1:31:55 Caller You know what I mean?

1:31:56 Adam It's like, hey, you gave your bitch a black guy. Yeah, whatever. All of a sudden I'm a bad guy now. I was a hero a few months ago. Then this goddamn OJ trial comes around, pow. All of a sudden I'm like some kind of thug. Just because, you know, I know I got the upper hand physically. I exercise a little. Nothing wrong with that. Oh, no, no, no. Now you got to go to classes. You got to talk to someone about it. Thanks a lot, OJ. It's not him killing the people that bothers me. It's this whole thing, you know? He's ruining the bitch-slapping for me. That's all I'm saying. Nice. And now, and now everyone's got to call the cops and report it. I got to go to anger management classes and a bunch of groups for everyone to talk about their bitch-slapping with. And, you know what I'm saying?

1:32:43 Drew Move right along.

1:32:45 Adam And then what about my kids? My kid going to grow up in a world where he can't slap his bitch? Yeah, I think so. You know why? OJ. OJ.

1:32:53 Caller Don't you ever stop talking?

1:32:55 Adam Yeah. You know what I'm going to say to my kid when he slaps his first bitch and he gets arrested?

1:32:59 Caller Yeah.

1:33:00 Adam Thank OJ.

1:33:01 Caller Thank OJ.

1:33:02 Adam You ruined it for all of us. Craig. Hi there. What's up?

1:33:10 Caller Hey, Adam. Listening to you talk about the child molesters taking guns and shooting themselves, by your logic, wouldn't you have to do that? Because you benefit from the results of it with your pornography addiction.

1:33:26 Adam From, oh, you mean the sort of byproduct of these girls that were molested?

1:33:31 Drew Craig, you're thinking.

1:33:32 Caller Good point.

1:33:33 Adam I like to think when I'm masturbating to the images of these women who are probably molested, I keep my fingers crossed. I think they're raped at 18.

1:33:44 Drew Wouldn't have done this to them. Wouldn't turn them into pornos, Queens.

1:33:47 Adam Yeah. But no, you know what I think of their dad is physically abusive alcoholics.

1:33:52 Drew That's possible.

1:33:52 Adam Not sexually abusing them.

1:33:53 Drew Yes, that's possible.

1:33:54 Adam That's right. Again, sexual abuse, nothing OJ ruined for me. Craig?

1:33:59 Caller My question was, I remember MDMA from like the early 90s and stuff. Is that the same thing as ecstasy?

1:34:05 Caller Yeah.

1:34:06 Caller And I know it was made illegal, but it's schedule three, so no therapeutic value, right?

1:34:12 Caller Correct.

1:34:14 Caller What's your opinion on that? Is there no value at all with it?

1:34:18 Drew Well, whether or not there's any value, it doesn't come anywhere near the risks, so it's just not worth it. And neither head of the National Institute of Drug Abuse is going out on a major campaign against this drug right now because it's so clear how profoundly damaging the system is.

1:34:33 Adam Something happens to him, you may be next, Drew. You may take his spot. You've been groomed for that spot, aren't you?

1:34:38 Drew No.

1:34:39 Adam Kevin?

1:34:40 Caller Yeah.

1:34:40 Adam Your girlfriend's a virgin?

1:34:41 Caller Yeah.

1:34:42 Adam And you want to have sex with her?

1:34:45 Caller Well, dude, that's a problem, man, because we've been dating for a little over six months and things, and you know, the whole male libido kicks in and we start fooling around, and the next thing you know...

1:34:58 Adam You're the guy, right? Yeah. And do you get any oral sex?

1:35:02 Caller No, nothing, dude.

1:35:03 Adam Nothing. How much fooling around do you do?

1:35:06 Caller Your usual groping and kissing and things like that.

1:35:12 Adam You want to get married?

1:35:13 Caller Yeah.

1:35:13 Adam All right, hurry.

1:35:43 Caller Yep, that's it.

1:35:44 Adam Natalie Rotano in here from VIT. Tomorrow night, she's the one with the kind of Latino looking on those. She's probably Italian. Get to the bottom of that short hair. Very sassy, this one. Looks like she'll break your penis right off. All right, I will bring my ass tomorrow night and see what happens. And until next time, this Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. Now all of a sudden, it's a bad thing to slap around your bed.

1:36:13 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, December 17, 2000