Episode 1000754887305

3:55 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, coast to coast.

4:05 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-4-4-5-5. Is the fax machine still broken, Drew?

4:17 Drew I don't know, Andrew, put paper in there? No, it's broken.

4:20 Adam Still broken. I love Westwood 1. The fax machine is broken because there's no paper in it. No one's going to do it.

4:26 Drew Did you open this gift?

4:27 Adam That is Dr. Drew over there. He's a Board of Certified Physician and an addiction medicine specialist. No, I didn't open Ann Broder. Is this from this year, this Christmas gift, or is this an early birthday gift? It's coming up in May. Ann brought in our birthday gifts this year. I didn't open mine yet.

4:46 Drew Christmas.

4:47 Adam Oh, it's Christmas. I thought it may have been from early birthday or something like that. Thanks, Sweepy. Lit is in the studio tonight. Hello. We will do a little trade-off. Jeremy and Kevin are here now, and we'll trade out later on. Alan and AJ will be in here later on in the evening. So now, the reason that Lit is here, not that they need a reason, but if there was to be a reason they were going to be here, it's to plug their spot tomorrow night at the House of Blues, the new House of Blues in Anaheim, right?

5:21 Lit Yep. That's it.

5:22 Adam And is that, does that have anything to do with the whole new Disney thing that's going on out there?

5:27 Lit Yeah, it's like this whole new, it's like kind of like City Walk. Where is it? Right next to where the old hotel used to be, and they tore it down, they made this whole like strip thing, and there's like House of Blues and some restaurants, I guess, and shops and-

5:39 Drew It's where Goofy's Kitchen used to be.

5:42 Adam I don't know.

5:43 Lit You got it all before my time.

5:44 Adam I'm sorry, Drew. We don't know. I know where Plato's Retreat is. Oh, wait a minute, that's Pluto. All right, I'm confused now. Goofy's Kitchen? Jesus Christ, you're going to ruin those kids. Drew brings his whole family out to the Disneyland Hotel for months at a time. Months. He spent an entire summer there, didn't you?

6:07 Drew Yeah.

6:07 Adam Did they tear that hotel down?

6:09 Drew It was actually the front of that whole area.

6:11 Lit Something, yeah. But they built this big old thing, and they actually got a roller coaster now and something else.

6:16 Drew Yeah.

6:17 Lit We haven't been there yet.

6:18 Drew It's all a recreation of California in the 20s.

6:21 Adam Right. But what's different about it than the old Disneyland? Just new rides?

6:26 Lit Bigger and better.

6:27 Drew Remember the parking lot you used to park in when you were a kid?

6:29 Adam Yeah.

6:29 Drew That's the theme park now.

6:30 Lit Gone.

6:30 Adam Really?

6:31 Drew Yeah, it's a huge park.

6:32 Adam Where do we park now?

6:33 Drew In multi-level parks.

6:34 Lit Garden Grove.

6:35 Drew What used to be a strawberry field.

6:37 Adam I see.

6:37 Drew Or tomato farm.

6:38 Adam I'll tell you, I passed the Matterhorn on the freeway the other day with four guys who are Southern California natives and everyone said simultaneously as we were driving down the freeway looking at the Matterhorn, boy, it shrunk. Everyone said the same. The Matterhorn used to be the actual size of the Matterhorn and it was such a beacon. Remember when you were a kid? Yeah, you were a kid and you were going to Disneyland and now the freeway is up higher than the Matterhorn. There is like an office depot. There is an air conditioning unit on top of it.

7:14 Drew You could see, it was prairie. One side was Disneyland and the other side was like Manzanita and Yucca Plants.

7:19 Adam Right.

7:20 Lit Everyone wanted to be a guy climbing it and it was like, whoa, look at that.

7:24 Adam The Matterhorn was like the North Star. We would see it all the way from North Hollywood, Burbank, on the freeway. Dad, keep going. See that mountain with the fake snow on it, the fiberglass one? Keep going. I went down there on a date and it was Fireman's Night. I had to turn around and go home. Did that ever happen to you?

7:44 No.

7:45 Adam Drew?

7:46 Lit I've been there.

7:46 Adam Never happened to you?

7:47 Drew I wasn't listening.

7:48 Lit Too many times.

7:49 That's good radio.

7:50 Lit You ever take the kids to Disneyland and it's Fireman's Day?

7:54 Adam You know what I mean? You drive all the way down there, they have a special day.

7:57 Lit Grad night.

7:58 Adam Only for Lockheed employees, one of those things. You hit one of those nights. No, never happened. Were you listening though?

8:04 Drew Now I am.

8:05 Adam All right, so Lit is going to be at the House of Blues, the new House of Blues. Will this be the first show they've had there? Correct.

8:12 Lit Grand opening.

8:13 Adam Very nice.

8:14 Lit And it's Friday and Saturday and both shows are sold out so. We're not really plugging them. We're just talking. We're just hanging out.

8:19 Drew Let's go down there.

8:20 Adam I'm not going down there. Why don't you guys come down? All right, maybe I'll go down there.

8:23 Drew We're supportive.

8:24 Come on down.

8:25 Adam It just seems like there'll be a lot of people.

8:27 Lit Adam, let's come down Saturday night. We'll tear it up to about four. And then we'll roll down to the Rose Bowl. We won't sleep and we'll just...

8:35 Adam We'll pull in all night?

8:35 Lit Yeah, let's do it.

8:36 Adam All right. Well, you know, Drew lives right by the Rose Bowl, so we can crash over there. No problem. Cool. Drew, seriously, we could walk from your house to the Rose Bowl, couldn't we? Yeah, easily. Yeah.

8:47 Lit Not all nighters at the Rose Bowl. Not doing the all nighter and then going to the Rose Bowl is the best.

8:50 Drew In fact, when I run, I run one of the routes. I take us down to the Rose Bowl in the back.

8:53 Adam Interesting. I wasn't listening, sorry. I don't know what you said. All right, Chad.

8:58 Yeah.

8:59 Adam Chad, you're 20. What's up?

9:01 Caller My friend bet me $200 that I couldn't masturbate 25 times in 24 hours.

9:06 Adam Yes.

9:06 Caller I took the bet, but I'm worried about any permanent damage that might happen that kind of jerking off.

9:12 Adam Have you tried it yet?

9:14 Caller No. My max is seven in a day.

9:17 Drew How are you going to substantiate the feat?

9:22 Caller He's actually going to take my word for it. We couldn't think about any hard evidence without witnesses and didn't think that would work.

9:29 Caller Still 25 cups.

9:31 Well, yeah, we thought about that one too.

9:32 Caller I still might do it, but I just don't want to hurt myself.

9:35 Drew Well, you can certainly irritate your prostate. Your soul could eject out of your body.

9:42 Adam Yeah. I spit part of my liver out once when I was in high school. I was going for nine in the afternoon. Chad? Yeah? I think it's doable. You could believe. My buddy the Wheeze got pretty close to that once.

9:55 Caller 25 in a day?

9:56 Adam Well, he did more like eight in an hour, something like that. But do the math. He's up around 300.

10:02 Caller Yeah. I figure I'll go on a two-an-hour basis.

10:08 Adam But you can't. Oh, I see. You go two-an-hour.

10:11 Caller I don't want to spend the whole day.

10:12 Adam Right. Okay. But what is the best way to do this, Drew, from a medical standpoint? Like, what sort of, you know, should you carbload? You know what I mean? Should you drink a lot of fluids?

10:24 Drew You should take a big blast of testosterone before you... Yeah.

10:27 Adam I mean, what should you have? How would you approach this from a medical, from a nutritional standpoint?

10:32 Drew I can't think of anything that would get rid of frost. Yeah.

10:35 Adam That's what I'm saying. Should you have like an IV drip with something?

10:38 Drew Plenty of fluids, that's for sure.

10:39 Adam Lot of fluids?

10:40 Drew Oh, yeah.

10:41 Adam What do you need to produce semen?

10:43 Drew You need testicles.

10:45 Adam Right. And egg whites and what else? I mean, what would you eat?

10:49 Drew See, I'm not sure.

10:50 Adam Come on. It's mucus, basically. You never took a class in jack-off science in college?

10:56 Drew Mucusology.

10:56 Adam Oh, it's mucus. So should you eat a lot of yogurt? You know what I mean?

11:01 Drew Yeah, it's adequate protein, adequate carb. I mean, you need sort of an adequate normal amount of...

11:06 Adam Lot of fluids?

11:07 Drew Regularly. You need to refuel. It's as though you were running a great distance. Right.

11:12 Adam All right, Chad? I think you're up to it, buddy.

11:15 Caller I'm not going to hurt myself.

11:16 Adam So what's the... No, you'll be fine. So what are you going to do? Start... Does the clock start when you start? Like a 24-hour clock?

11:24 Caller It's midnight tonight through midnight tomorrow.

11:26 Drew No, no, wait a minute. I didn't say you couldn't hurt yourself. I said you're probably not going to cause any long-term damage. You could. Some people's hemorrhaged. You get bleeding. Some people irritate the skin and cause problems.

11:34 Adam Well, listen, if you shoot blood out, that counts.

11:36 Oh, all right.

11:37 Adam I mean, if that...

11:38 Drew It counts for two.

11:39 Adam That's like the 25th one.

11:40 All right.

11:41 Caller But you got 200 bucks, man.

11:42 Adam Yeah.

11:43 Caller I think I got 200 bucks. I can't go wrong. It's like eight bucks a time.

11:46 Adam Right.

11:47 Caller It's a pretty good average.

11:48 Adam Yeah, that's pretty thrifty.

11:49 Caller Yeah. All right.

11:50 Adam So, Chad, start tonight at, what, 1201? Yeah. Now, are you going to start chubbin up around 1140, 1150?

11:58 Caller I don't know.

11:58 Adam I don't know.

12:00 Caller I think I'm going to try and blast out a good four in the first hour. Right. Catch a couple hours of sleep and then start all over again tomorrow.

12:06 Adam I see. We'll jump on things. All right. Well, make sure and mop yourself down after you blast the four off and turn in because we don't want to have to use a flat bar to remove your cot mattress from your belly.

12:16 Caller All right.

12:17 Adam I'll follow in the morning. Break a leg. Thanks. Hey, Chad. Don't let us down, brother.

12:21 Caller I will try my hardest.

12:22 Lit We're all counting on you.

12:23 Adam Hey, listen, I'm putting 20 on Chad. Is anyone?

12:26 Lit I'll throw in 20.

12:27 Adam You're on Chad.

12:28 Lit No problem.

12:28 Adam Drew, you want in on this action?

12:30 Caller Can't do it. I'm betting you can't do it.

12:31 Drew Yeah, I'm saying he's going to run a steam around 14.

12:33 Adam Kevin says no. Drew says no. Jeremy and I say yes.

12:37 Drew At a certain point, your body just can't produce.

12:39 Adam All right. Hey, Chad, can you call us back Sunday and tell us what happened? I will do that. All right. If you can dial. All right, buddy. All right, thanks a lot. Good times. Hey, hey, you know what, Chad?

12:50 Caller Good times.

12:52 Adam You know what I would do? I'd go dry with no porn for the first few.

12:56 Drew Why?

12:57 Adam Because I would use that porn as a carrot hanging out in front of the mule. You know what I mean?

13:02 Drew Yeah, but you need something to keep them real. Yeah, but your body is sort of gets momentum. It's stimulated.

13:08 Lit Do you have satellite?

13:09 Drew No.

13:10 Lit I was going to say you may want to start off with the Playboy channel and work your way up to the Vivid channel as the night goes on.

13:15 Adam I don't know. You see, I would go dry. I'd go off memory and no lube for like the first five is sort of a psychological advantage because I'd want the porn waiting around the corner. That would be my motivation to get to the double digits. No porn the first in single digits. That's what I'd do and I'd try to squeeze off a few early and see if I could build up a little, you know, pad a lead, you know.

13:38 Drew It was a great conversation.

13:41 Adam So, Carrie, are you listening? Carrie, you're 20. What's up?

13:45 Caller Oh, my boyfriend is six foot five and I'm five foot three and every time he tries to enter me from behind, it just ends up in giggles because it just can't, it doesn't work because he's so much taller than me.

14:02 Caller 18 inches versus 18 inches.

14:04 Adam What do you want?

14:05 Lit We had that video on our bus on the last tour.

14:07 Adam Really?

14:08 Drew What is that?

14:09 Lit 18 inches versus 18 inches. Bridget the Midget versus the star. And then there was a dude, pretty big dude.

14:15 Adam Really?

14:16 Lit Yeah, it was pretty, pretty good. Oh, my God.

14:18 Adam She started by doing a few chin ups on it and then got cut down.

14:23 Drew Yeah. I'm sorry. My brain doesn't go.

14:26 Adam Is she really? She's not. Is she eight?

14:27 Lit No, I believe she's a little taller than that. It was more of an advertising gimmick.

14:31 Adam Right. I see.

14:33 Caller But he was like 18 inches.

14:34 Adam Yeah, he was pretty big.

14:36 Lit Yeah. She was definitely a little person.

14:38 Adam She was probably more like 28, 29 inches. But in the porn industry, they use a lot of hyperbole when they advertise. It's called artistic license.

14:47 Drew Was she a dwarf or a midget?

14:48 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah.

14:49 Lit What's the difference?

14:50 Drew Dwarf had the short limbs.

14:51 Caller She had short limbs.

14:52 Drew She definitely looked sort of normal.

14:54 Lit Yeah, she was a dwarf.

14:55 Caller Dude, he was tall, man. And long.

14:59 Adam And was she doing everything?

15:01 Caller Everything.

15:02 Lit Absolutely everything.

15:02 Adam And did she do anything weird, like try to pull vault or hang her laundry off it, or like I said, do a chin up or do something like that? I mean, did they work some humor into it?

15:12 Lit I think just the usual stuff was impressive enough. Yeah, she was...

15:17 Adam Carrie?

15:18 Caller Yeah?

15:18 Adam So, you're talking about like doggy style.

15:22 Caller Yeah, it ends up being rather humorous and it really limits what we can do.

15:27 Adam Can you get some sort of phone book or something you can kneel on? The equivalent to a high chair?

15:34 Caller We sort of tried that. I ended up flipping off of it. Like, well, we tried pillows, maybe something.

15:41 Adam Well, you know what will work? Can you get on the bed and he stands up next to the bed? Drew's giving a knowing nod there.

15:48 Lit That's what I was going to say.

15:49 Adam He dated a gymnast in college. You know what I'm talking about.

15:53 Caller He's still too tall.

15:54 Adam All right. Can you saw out part of the subflooring at the edge of the bed?

15:59 Lit How about the kitchen table or the counter?

16:01 Adam Yeah, I mean, you got to get the bed up high enough so that he can stand. Jesus Christ, I mean, you got to improvise here, honey.

16:10 Lit Or maybe on the couch with, like, you know, on the arms, your hands up on the backrest part. I'm not saying, you know, I'm just trying to help you out here.

16:20 Adam I mean, listen, between the two of you, you can figure this one out.

16:23 Lit Maybe you got a little Chicago playing in the background. I don't know, maybe a fire.

16:27 Caller Journey usually helps.

16:28 Adam What if you stood on the bed and he stood off the bed?

16:32 Caller Wouldn't standing make it impossible to do it doggy style?

16:38 Adam I mean, dogs wouldn't do it that way, but that's a technicality.

16:42 Caller Okay.

16:42 Adam All right. Try that.

16:45 Caller Can you try it real quick?

16:46 Adam Is he there? Yeah. We'll hang on. I'll tell you what, you could kneel on the bed and he could put some heels on and probably work out. Or is he too tall when you're kneeling on the bed? Too tall. When you're kneeling on the bed? I need standing. Put the bed up on some phone books then. Improvise, honey. All right?

17:05 Caller Yeah.

17:06 Adam All right. How's his size? Is that all right?

17:08 Caller Yeah, that's fine.

17:09 Adam Oh, I bet he's glad to hear that.

17:12 Caller I guess doing it standing up would be pretty much impossible unless he was holding me up, right?

17:17 Adam Doing it standing up?

17:19 Caller Yeah.

17:20 Adam You mean like you bent over standing up?

17:22 Caller No, like facing each other standing.

17:24 Adam Oh, that kind of thing? Wait a minute. Forget about it. Well, you've got to put your legs, wrap your legs around him, right?

17:30 Caller Okay. But he would pretty much sort of have to support me.

17:35 Adam Well, you could do it in space or you could hook up some sort of elaborate harness system, but other than that, yes, he'd have to hold you. What are you asking? You think you're just going to bump bellies and have intercourse?

17:45 Caller No.

17:46 Adam Well, you put your legs around him. That works better you being smaller, right?

17:50 Caller That's true.

17:51 Adam Okay, baby. She sounds like she's looking for excuses not to do this or she failed some geometry course or something. Suzanne?

18:00 Yes?

18:01 Adam You're 30?

18:02 Caller Pardon?

18:03 Adam You're 30 years old? Yes, you're on with Lit.

18:06 Caller Okay, I'm coming from Tucson and my boyfriend just came down with herpes.

18:11 It's a real drag.

18:13 Drew Oh, he just came down with it.

18:16 Caller Yeah, he's just got an active case.

18:18 Adam It's really going around this year.

18:20 Caller Pardon?

18:20 Adam Especially, you know, people work around kids. Sometimes Herb from the office will have it and the whole floor gets it. Well, that's what I mean.

18:27 Caller He's like on his scrotum and all over his penis. It's bad.

18:31 Drew So he had it already and he's just having an outbreak now.

18:34 Caller No, he never had it in his life.

18:37 Drew Well, where did he get it?

18:38 Caller He says he got it from me. And I have oral herpes, what do they call it? Type 1. And I've been asymptomatic. I mean, when I get it, it hurts. I mean, I get cold sores in my mouth and I've even had it in my sinuses.

18:56 Adam I hope the guy... Oh, you've had herpes in your sinuses? I hope the guy who's trying to set the jack-off record is not listening to this conversation. That's going to add like 45 minutes to his first.

19:09 Drew Well, he probably did get it from your mouth. Either that or he cheated or...

19:15 Caller I don't think he cheated, but the thing that's really weird is that...

19:18 Adam What's he do for a living? We'll figure out whether he cheated.

19:21 Caller Okay, he owns the carpeting...

19:26 Caller There it is.

19:26 Adam I knew it. Why do you think they put all that padding down?

19:32 Caller Dr. Drew.

19:32 More than lay carpet.

19:34 Caller So if a girl has herpes on their mouth and they give you fellatio, you can get it?

19:38 Drew Absolutely.

19:39 Caller Okay.

19:39 Adam You can get it on your foot junkie?

19:42 Caller I actually did not know that.

19:43 Adam Well, wait a minute though. I thought passing oral to genital was kind of hard to do.

19:48 Drew No.

19:49 Adam Well, we just had... Bruce was just talking about this last week that it was a different kind of bacteria.

19:55 Drew It's hard when there's not an outbreak. I see. All right.

19:58 Adam Well, jeez, when you got it in your nose...

19:59 Caller I was asymptomatic.

20:01 Drew And it depends. And again, the type 1, type 2 sort of categorization breaks down these days. Both occur in both places.

20:07 Adam Oh, really?

20:08 Drew Yeah.

20:08 Adam I didn't know that.

20:09 Caller I never had genital herpes.

20:11 Drew I understand. But it sounds like you had very, really exuberant herpes of the mouth.

20:16 Caller Oh, yeah. I've got it totally in the lacrimal glands and the sinuses, too.

20:22 Drew In your eyes.

20:23 Adam So how do you got it in your eyes and your nose? Were you nasally?

20:28 Caller I had herpes since I've been a little kid.

20:31 Adam Were you nasally raped at some point?

20:34 Caller No.

20:35 Drew But now?

20:36 Caller What happens if somebody has like a mouth breather and sleeps and they drool, right? If you drool.

20:45 Adam If you sleep like a bat.

20:47 Caller You sleep like a bat hanging down. No. It's actually possible. And when they cultured me, I mean, I've had this for like 10 years as far as being in my finances. I didn't believe I had it.

21:01 Adam Listen, because you're officially the herpes queen, we believe that your boyfriend got it from you.

21:08 Caller No. That's the thing that's so weird is that I'm...

21:12 Adam All right, this guy deserves the Congressional Medal of Honor for dating this chick. She's like, I have herpes in my eyes. I have it in my ears. I have it in my nose. I have a herpes filling in one of my teeth. My car has herpes. My cat has herpes.

21:27 Lit But I don't know where my boyfriend got it.

21:28 Adam I don't know where he could have got it.

21:30 Lit Mysteriously just popped up.

21:31 Caller That's a little weird.

21:33 Adam All right. So he's got it from you. And now he's got it. And I don't know what the question is, but that's enough.

21:37 Drew What's interesting is whether he'll be able to transmit it to her vagina.

21:40 Adam Oh, that's all she needs.

21:41 Drew Or whether she'll be protected from the immunity she's got from the local infection.

21:47 Adam I bet she could get it. That sucks. I bet she could get it in her eyelashes. I bet she'd have herpes in her stool.

21:54 Drew Herpes in the eye is awful.

21:56 Adam Oh, yeah. That's bad times. It's destructive.

21:57 Caller It's bad for the whole family.

21:59 Adam Suzanne? Yeah? If the herpes takes over more than 60% of your body, I want you to kill yourself. Okay, baby. All right. All right. He owns his own carpet company? Does he install it?

22:13 Caller Yeah. Well, no. He has guys install it. Just like the figuring that goes laying out and that kind of stuff.

22:19 Adam All right. I like that knee thing. You know that knee thing?

22:21 Caller Pow, pow.

22:22 Lit The knee stapler.

22:23 Adam Don't see it as much as I used to.

22:24 Lit It seems kind of primitive now.

22:25 Adam It used to be like on commercials and stuff for Carpeterian. Totally. Sears installs indoor-outdoor carpeting on your patio in your dining room, and they'd show the guy whacking that thing with his knee.

22:35 Drew What do they use instead?

22:36 Adam They don't use anything else. They still use the knee thing. It's just somehow the country is not as enamored with that knee device.

22:44 Drew The mistake is worn off.

22:45 Adam Yeah. It's a lot like the Brannock device they use in the shoe stores. Remember? When they would measure your foot in that aluminum thing?

22:52 Lit Now people just sort of know what size they are.

22:54 Adam Well now they do what they should have done when they were using that thing. They go, hey, what size are you wearing? And you go, 11. They go, hey, all right. Before they wouldn't believe you.

23:03 Lit They go, yeah?

23:04 Adam Yeah, come here, wise guy.

23:04 Lit Come here.

23:05 Adam Ha ha. 11 and an 8. Well, you're not so smart, are you? All right. Let's talk to, what is that, Mariel? Hi, Mariel.

23:15 Caller Hi, Mariel.

23:16 Adam You're 20, you're on with Lit.

23:18 Caller I just want to say hi.

23:19 Caller Hi.

23:20 Caller And I have a couple of things to tell Carrie if you're listening. My boyfriend is 6'6 and I'm 5'3 and we don't have any problems.

23:30 Adam You don't?

23:30 Caller No, not at all.

23:32 Adam Well, how do you do the doggy?

23:34 Caller Sorry about that. What we do is I put my legs really close together and I pick my butt up really, really high.

23:42 Adam Right.

23:42 Caller And there's no problem at all.

23:46 Adam Wait a minute. He's making himself look... Oh, nice. I was going to say, putting your legs here, putting your butt up high, that's my fart move.

23:57 Caller We just got back from dinner. There's going to be a few of those.

23:59 Adam That's fine with me. I'll see if I can work something up.

24:03 Caller You're dumb, just like my boyfriend.

24:05 Adam Really?

24:06 Oh, yeah.

24:07 Adam You're 5'3, he's 6'6, so he breaks when your hair moves, right?

24:11 Caller Oh, yeah.

24:12 Adam Oh, that is nice.

24:13 Caller There's no doubt about it.

24:14 Adam Got anything going? I don't smell anything over there.

24:17 Lit Dude, why is that still funny?

24:19 Adam Yeah?

24:20 Lit I've known this guy for 12 years and, you know, he's like 29 and he just rips one and I crack up.

24:25 I don't know what the deal is.

24:26 Adam Yeah, that's good. It's not funny, but... That's good. That's love. That's what Jimmy and I have. I love farting. The only thing better than farting is farting on guys. All right, Mariel?

24:39 Caller Yeah.

24:39 Adam How do you get your ass up that high, though? I mean, he's 6'6. Don't you have to stand on something?

24:46 Caller No, I'm just down on my knees and he's down on his knees.

24:49 Adam All right, well, he must lean forward or something.

24:52 Caller You would have to ask him. I can't see his thing.

24:55 Adam Okay. How do you... Okay, baby. All right, happy humping.

24:59 Drew Thanks for the vivid description.

25:00 Adam Good time.

25:01 Yeah.

25:02 Adam All right, baby.

25:03 I also have a question.

25:04 Drew What's that?

25:05 Caller He cannot gain weight no matter how much he eats, how many times a day.

25:11 He's 6'6, and he's better.

25:13 Yeah.

25:14 Adam He's 6'6, and he's how much?

25:16 170.

25:18 Adam And he wants to put weight on?

25:20 Caller Most definitely.

25:21 Adam How old is he?

25:22 Caller 21.

25:23 Adam Yeah. He's what you call spindly. What do you do about that, Drew?

25:27 Drew You may not be able to, at least not the kind of way he's looking to.

25:30 Adam Well, he just did drink that Insurer, right?

25:32 Yeah.

25:32 Drew I mean, most of the guys... It's interesting. There's people that say they're eating a lot. When you really measure what they're doing, they're not.

25:37 Yeah.

25:37 Drew They don't eat that much. And you have to encourage them to eat till nauseated. That's what you tell them to do. If you're not nauseated all the time, you're not eating enough.

25:44 Adam I do that, but I'm trying to lose weight. But I still wait till I'm nauseated.

25:51 Drew And obviously appropriate balance and start exercising and focus on a program of weight lifting.

25:57 Adam They usually lift heavier weights for your reps and a bunch of protein powder, right? All right. Good times. Lit's here. We're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Chris' girlfriend's breasts. They're huge. Yeah. And we'll see if we can work up some gas before the night is through. Bouncy, bouncy.

26:16 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

26:46 Adam Yep, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Tracy Lourdes is gonna be in here next week.

26:55 Lit Can you tell her I said hello?

26:57 Adam Yeah.

26:57 Lit Can I write her a little note on that thing?

26:59 Adam Yeah, go right ahead.

27:00 Lit Cool.

27:01 Adam Jeremy and Kevin are both here from Lit? Hi. AJ and Alan will be in here later on as the second half of Lit continues in the 11 o'clock hour. Lit's gonna be down at the House of Blues, the brand new House of Blues in Anaheim at the new Disney Complex down there playing tomorrow night, Friday night, and Saturday night. The first band ever to play there, which is very cool. Also, their new CD will be coming out sometime in June, I hear.

27:28 Lit Sometime this summer, yeah.

27:30 Adam You guys in the studio now?

27:32 Lit Almost. We're still, like, you know, writing.

27:34 Adam How long from the going into the studio to the hits the record stores time is there?

27:40 Lit Nowadays, it's pretty quick, you know. It's pretty quick as three months, right? Yeah, pretty much.

27:44 Adam Well, when you guys are finished with the CD, it can be on the record shelves. How quick?

27:51 Lit Well, our Place in the Sun, when that came out, it was finished, like, just before Christmas, and it came out February, like, third week of February. So, you know.

28:00 Adam Pretty quick. Yeah.

28:01 Lit Six weeks, eight weeks.

28:03 Adam We'll, uh, we're going to hear something off of Place in the Sun.

28:06 Drew No?

28:07 Adam Anderson seems to think it's a good spot. Why is that? We don't want to take a call? All right. Why do I got to screw up every time? Every time we even get close to doing something close to radio, I just put my foot in my mouth. All right. Let's hear something from Lake.

28:20 Caller What song?

28:20 Adam We're going to hear, uh, Miserable.

28:23 Caller All right.

28:24 Lit You all right with that? Next, next hour, we're going to play something that no one's ever heard. It's a, it's a, a real sludgy, medley song. Actually, it's an old Ace Freely song.

28:31 Adam Oh, really?

28:32 Lit Yeah. We did it.

28:33 Adam Was that on a Kiss album?

28:35 Caller It was on an Ace Freely solo album, and we redid it for the fun of it.

28:39 Adam Good.

28:39 Caller And we brought it here for the listeners of Loveline.

28:41 Adam But speaking of good radio, that isn't the one we're going to hear now.

28:44 Drew No.

28:46 Caller That's a teaser for next hour.

28:48 Drew Stay tuned.

28:48 Caller We're here miserable now.

28:50 Adam All you got to do is get through this next song, and in an hour from now, you're going to hear the Ace Freely one.

28:55 Drew Here we go.

32:56 Adam All right. There you go. There's your Lit. That's an Ace Freely song. Welcome back, Ace. Came out in 1977, I believe. It's when he had a little blowout with the band. But we will hear something else from Lit. We will hear that Ace Freely song later on in the evening.

33:15 Lit Or maybe an Aretha Franklin song. We have one of those two. Whichever.

33:18 Adam Really?

33:18 Lit He knows since we're playing House of Blues, maybe we can play that.

33:20 Caller Well, that's true.

33:22 Adam Did you cover an Aretha Franklin song?

33:24 Lit Yes, we did.

33:25 Caller I want the callers to vote.

33:27 Adam On which one they want to hear?

33:29 Caller Yeah.

33:29 Adam I don't think our callers know either one of those artists. All right. Let's talk to Chris. Chris is 17. Chris?

33:37 Caller Hey, Adam. What's up? Hey, I'd just like to say you're a genius.

33:40 Adam Well, thank you.

33:40 Caller You're the funniest man on radio.

33:42 Adam Whatever. All right.

33:43 Caller Thank you. All right. I've been going out with my girlfriend for about a year now, and we've been having sex for about six months. I'd say we have at least 30 times. She's always had large breasts, but they sag a lot. But I haven't started to notice it since till now. I'm wondering if it's because she doesn't like it or what I could-

34:04 Drew If they're sad, they get sad and starts-

34:06 Adam Well, he looks at his penis. When his penis doesn't like it, it hangs down. When it's happy, it sticks out. He's doing the math. All right, Chris. Chris, are you pre-med?

34:18 Caller No.

34:19 Adam No? No. Biology major?

34:22 Caller No.

34:23 Adam No. You're going to work for your cousin's carpet cleaning place when you graduate, right? Where are you going? Junior college?

34:31 Caller I'm going to Arizona State.

34:33 Adam That's four-year junior college. All right. So her breasts are probably sagging because gravity is taking hold of them, not because of their mood.

34:42 Drew At different times of the year.

34:42 Caller At such a young age.

34:44 Drew Yeah, some people are that way. And at different times of the month, it might seem more pronounced, too.

34:48 Caller Yeah, under a period of breast reduction.

34:50 Drew How?

34:53 Caller Lift.

34:54 Drew Yeah, they don't really do a lift. Wasn't Marcel Regalienous with this?

34:57 Adam I talked to Dr. Marcel, who's Drew's plastic surgeon buddy, who's more like a pimp than a plastic surgeon, who's got like a pink pinky ring and a gold tooth. Plastic surgeons are the pimps of the doctor world.

35:10 Drew Suspicious.

35:11 Adam Drew, really? Seriously? Are they not? Who wears more jewelry? A plastic surgeon or a podiatrist? On average, if you were to place some money on it.

35:20 Drew I've not noticed that Marcel wears jewelry.

35:21 Adam Oh, yeah, you see him. Come on, you see me. Or a heart surgeon. He was at the tan salon a couple of hours earlier. Suspicious. Here's the deal. There is no such thing as a breast lift. According to him. This is something that's been talked about for years. I used to hear it growing up. She had a breast lift, you know. But apparently, maybe it just came over from the facelift. But he said there's no such thing as a breast lift.

35:48 Drew They just reduce and or they put implants.

35:50 Adam Right. Or both, right?

35:51 Drew Or both.

35:52 Adam Chris?

35:53 Caller Yes.

35:53 Adam How big are her breasts?

35:55 Caller They're D, 30-60.

35:56 Adam Nice. And are they really sagging that much at 17?

36:00 Caller Yeah. All my friends make fun of me all the time. Stuff like that.

36:03 Drew How do they know?

36:04 Caller They're not, so I don't care.

36:06 Drew How do they know that there's such?

36:08 Caller You can tell kind of at school sometimes.

36:10 Adam All right. Well, this is the kind of thing that she's probably going to have to deal with at some point in her life. But it's not in your time. You guys will be broken up in a few months anyway.

36:19 Caller That's right.

36:20 Adam Yeah.

36:21 Drew Nice. I hope she's listening.

36:23 Adam Yeah.

36:23 Drew Very nice.

36:24 Adam Listen, you're going where? Arizona State? That's right. Yeah. It's Sodom and Gomorrah over there. You can't have a relationship over there. I know, but it's just a bunch of naked people, drunk, like hallucinating and raping cactus and stuff. There's no education.

36:41 Caller They have a good sports broadcasting.

36:43 Adam Yeah. That's not education. He's yelling the mustards off the hot dog in unison with a bunch of class names.

36:52 Drew But how many sports broadcasters sound like hechers like Chris? He's going to have to put the bong down if he's going to...

36:58 Adam I don't know. He may be part of the new breed of burnout sportscasters.

37:03 Caller I found it a few while I was on hold, sir.

37:05 Adam All right. All right.

37:07 Lit I want that job in there when your commercial breaks over.

37:09 Caller Perfect. I get one off in that time.

37:13 Drew Oh, what was that?

37:14 Can I have it again?

37:16 Wow.

37:17 Adam I'm never looking when I even raise the mic for you, man. I felt like I missed it. Drew, would you tip me off? Yeah, I'll let you know.

37:25 Lit Next time I'm going to light it. I'm going to try to light it.

37:26 Adam He's up to. He's up to. All right, Chris. We got to go. All right. Thanks, bro. All right. I got to figure out how to breathe through my skin. All right. Let's just say hi to Tiffany and we'll take a little break. Tiffany?

37:39 Yeah?

37:40 Adam You're 15?

37:41 Caller Yeah.

37:41 Adam What's up?

37:42 Caller First of all, I want to say, you guys...

37:45 Adam There we go.

37:46 Caller Whoa, that's rather. Thanks a lot. You just caught that on the air.

37:48 Lit You snuck that in there.

37:49 Adam That was cool. We dumped that.

37:52 Caller All right.

37:53 Lit You got rid of her for that?

37:54 Adam No, we didn't necessarily get rid of her.

37:56 Drew She's back. There she is.

37:58 Adam We just had to do a little six-second delay thing. Hey, Tiffany, please with the F word.

38:03 Caller I'm sorry.

38:04 Adam You're 15 for Christ's sake.

38:05 Caller This is like the greatest ban on getting a little too...

38:07 Drew What's your question?

38:08 Caller Dr. Drew, for about two years, I've had these like weird symptoms and I've told my friend Dean and he thinks I might have toxic shock syndrome.

38:17 Drew Well, toxic shock is not something of the last two years.

38:20 Caller Yeah, well, I mean, well, it's just like barely started or something. Like, he didn't exactly clarify things with me.

38:26 Adam Dean the gynecologist or Dean the guy who's building a hovercraft two doors down with a lawnmower engine? Which Dean would it be?

38:37 Caller He's pretty much, he's an idiot.

38:39 Adam All right, so why are you asking him about your problems?

38:42 Drew Look, toxic shock is confusion, high fever, rash, kidney failure. You are sick with that. I mean, really sick and like you need to be in the hospital.

38:51 Lit Wasn't that like an 80s thing with like the tampons?

38:53 Drew I've seen a few cases.

38:54 I haven't seen it lately.

38:55 Drew No, no, oh, no. I actually treated a case of somebody had toxic shock from nasal impactions.

39:01 Adam Whoa.

39:01 Drew Any body-

39:02 Adam Or nasal rape?

39:04 Drew Any body orifice that's occluded, you can get toxic shock.

39:07 Adam What do you mean? You mean blocked off?

39:08 Drew Yes. So-

39:09 Caller Isn't that from tampons? Keeping a tampon in too long?

39:12 Drew That's the other way. Common way.

39:13 Adam Tiffany? Yes. All right. Stop going to Dean for medical advice, would you please? Yes.

39:18 Drew And if you're having a lot of funny medical symptoms, go ahead and get a diagnosis. Find out what's going on, all right?

39:22 Caller Yeah, that's what I was going to do.

39:23 Drew That's a good idea.

39:24 Caller All right. Bye.

39:25 Adam All right. Dean will be insulted when he finds out she can get consulted.

39:29 Caller How dare you?

39:30 Adam How dare you consult another physician? Hand me that wrench. All right. Jeremy and Kevin are both here. Jeremy and Kevin, if you got something during the break, hang on to it.

39:39 Caller I will.

39:39 Adam We'll save it for the air.

39:41 Caller We'll be right back.

39:41 Adam Lit is here and we'll be back after this. Yep, it is Loveline. Adam Corolla is Dr. Drew. Jeremy and Kevin are both here from Lit. Alan and AJ will be in here a little bit later on. Place and Son is the name of the CD. House of Blues, the new House of Blues. I don't know, what do they got? Like 10 of those now? Out in Anaheim, they're going to be opening tomorrow night and Saturday night, but it's sold out, so what are you going to do? Back to the phones. Kelly?

40:44 Caller Yeah.

40:44 Adam You're 16? What's up?

40:47 Caller No, I just want to know, like, what happens when you swallow, like, a lot of them out?

40:54 Drew From a lot of different people?

40:56 Caller No, like, just from one person. You know, I want to know if there's, like, any bad effects.

41:00 Drew Nothing intrinsically wrong with it. Certainly, it's a good way to get an infectious disease.

41:06 Adam It could kill your dad if you're found out.

41:09 Drew But that's a little more, a lot just a little more effective way of putting them down.

41:13 Adam Yeah, I mean, it could give your dad a heart attack.

41:16 Drew Yeah. Short of that, the semen carries lots of protein. Well, potential for infected, the actual calorie, there's all this stuff about, is it true that a table spoon of semen has 1,500 calories? That is what I'm telling my daughter. But it has about 3 calories, in fact. But it has been shown.

41:33 Lit So you're saying it's really healthy.

41:35 Caller It's a good source of protein.

41:37 Adam Drew told me off the air 1,500 for white guys, 2,000 for black guys. That's what he's telling his daughter. Is that right?

41:43 Drew He told me off the air.

41:44 Adam I don't know what it meant. I didn't think it was funny.

41:46 Drew It has been proven that it can transmit HIV, and there's all potential for other viral conditions as well. And oral sex can transmit any of the sexually transmitted diseases.

41:55 Adam Kelly, does he have a lot in one sitting, as it were, or is it just something that happens over the course of a week or month?

42:04 Caller It's just something that happens, I mean, really. It doesn't really come out a lot, you know?

42:10 Adam Right.

42:11 Drew Do you get any funny, abnormal symptoms, any problems?

42:14 Caller No, not really.

42:15 Drew Okay.

42:15 Adam All right. What does it taste like?

42:16 Caller Is it salty?

42:19 Drew Where does that vomit sound come from?

42:20 Adam It's spit it in a plant or something.

42:23 Caller Okay.

42:24 Adam Yeah. But not on him.

42:26 Caller Okay. I just wanted to know.

42:28 Adam All right.

42:29 Caller Keep it in your mouth and in French kiss him.

42:30 Adam Oh.

42:34 Caller You guys rockers are cool.

42:36 Lit Thank you very much.

42:37 Caller Okay. Well.

42:37 Lit I'd like to apologize for Kevin right now.

42:40 Adam Kelly, do you have any other hobbies?

42:43 Caller No, not really.

42:44 Adam That's about it. Just blowing your boyfriend. Okay.

42:48 Caller Okay. Thank you. Bye.

42:49 Adam All right. Enjoy. People think this substance is different. They think it's like a nuclear waste or something like that.

42:56 Caller Adam.

42:57 Adam Yeah.

42:57 Caller Well, I think I got something.

42:58 Adam You got something going on? And because Kevin's a musician, he knows exactly where to position the microphone. I mean, that mic was halfway up his ass. That's beautiful.

43:13 Caller Dude, this is not good.

43:15 Lit Can Tracy Lourdes get anything on Sunday from Kevin's microphone today?

43:20 Adam I'm down 3-0, Drew.

43:22 Caller Adam, come on, dude, you got to represent.

43:23 Adam I know, you know the thing about me, it's like either game on or game off. My ass is like Dave Kingman when he used to play baseball. It was either strikeout or homer. It was either a 450-foot shot or nothing. Walk back to the dugout.

43:39 Caller I had a fillet before I got here, so I think that's helping me out a lot.

43:43 Adam I never know how to break it down. It's just some nights are magic and some are...

43:48 Drew We don't want to hear the woeful tales. Come on, let's go.

43:51 Who cares?

43:52 Caller Allison.

43:55 Adam Allison?

43:56 Yeah.

43:56 Adam You're 21?

43:57 Caller Yeah.

43:58 Adam You're on with Lit and Kevin's Ass. What's up?

44:03 Caller Okay. I know you've answered this before, but it's never really applied to me. But I've been dating a guy for a while, and I haven't slept with him yet, but I know he has a penis piercing. I'm wondering two things. One, is it possible for that to rip a condom?

44:18 Drew Yes.

44:19 Caller Is it possible to tear anything up in there?

44:23 Drew I've never heard of it harming anyone, but it can definitely rip a condom. And for that reason, many of these tattooing or piercing places will sell these reinforced tipped condoms.

44:35 Caller Okay.

44:36 Adam How does that work? Is it a special condom?

44:38 Drew Yeah.

44:39 Adam It's not an insert you put over a stock condom?

44:42 Drew Not that I'm worried about.

44:43 Adam Like putting a snow tire on a jeep or something like that?

44:46 Drew No.

44:46 Caller No? All right.

44:47 Adam Hey, Allison? Yes? Does he have like the Prince Albert variety?

44:52 Caller That's what I've heard. I don't exactly know what that is, but that's what people have told me.

44:55 Adam That goes through the urethra and pops out on the underside of the head. It always hurts my penis when I talk about it. And wouldn't you be frightened as a woman if a guy was really getting going, really finding his rhythm and that the thing might pop off and grab something and just turn you inside out when he pulled out?

45:13 Caller I don't know what's out of that one, but...

45:15 Drew Let's pull out the anatomy book again.

45:17 Adam Isn't there anything you could hook onto?

45:19 Drew No.

45:20 Adam Really? Yeah, but if something was...

45:22 Drew And if you hooked it like a fish.

45:23 Adam Yeah, it was like you dropped an anchor or something out of the back of your van. You know what I mean? You could pull something out. Couldn't you grab some fallopian tubing or some intestine or something? How many lineal feet of fallopian tubing do they keep up there?

45:40 Lit 40, 50 feet?

45:41 Drew Just a spool of it. I'm not sure.

45:42 Adam A big roll. The guy sells it by the lineal foot.

45:47 Lit I just thought of something that just really kind of horrified me. My gram and pop are listening right now. I just want you to know I'm not farting or advocating.

45:58 Adam No, he does not condone it in any way. He actually really laid into Kevin during the last break. He put his beer and a cigarette down and he really laid, and the Jägermeister, and he really laid into Kevin.

46:12 Drew Adam's grandmother is listening too and she's going to discuss the preciation of the finer points of the male anatomy.

46:18 Adam My grandmother sat me down a few months ago and said, listen, I've been listening to this show. It is not clitoris, it's clitoris. That was her input to the show.

46:30 Drew Thanks, grandma. Nice.

46:31 Adam Kathy?

46:32 Caller Hello?

46:33 Adam You're 15.

46:34 Caller Yeah.

46:34 Adam What's up? How are you?

46:36 Caller I just want to tell you that I love you so much.

46:39 Adam Oh, great. Thank you.

46:40 Caller Why?

46:41 Caller Because you're so gorgeous.

46:43 Adam Oh, baby, you got problems.

46:48 Caller And Dr. Drew, my best friend, Vanessa, she thinks you're very sexy.

46:53 Drew Okay.

46:55 Adam Well, that's it. What do you need?

46:58 Caller Nothing. I just wanted to let you know that I love you very much.

47:01 Adam Oh, thank you.

47:02 Caller And if I can visit you someday.

47:04 Caller All right.

47:06 Adam About, what are you, 15?

47:07 Caller Yes.

47:08 Adam Three years, I'll see you, all right?

47:09 Caller Three years?

47:10 Caller Why?

47:11 Adam Well, you'll be 18 and I won't quite be 40 yet.

47:14 Caller So, it's fine. Where do you live? I live in Commerce.

47:17 Adam Oh, that's beautiful over there, that city of Commerce.

47:20 Caller Yes.

47:21 Adam It's God's country over there. It really is.

47:24 Caller It's beautiful.

47:24 Caller Didn't you used to work here?

47:26 Caller I used to be a construction worker.

47:28 Adam I worked, let's see, how far, how far is Commerce from Gardena?

47:34 Caller I have no idea.

47:35 Caller Isn't there a casino in Commerce?

47:38 Adam I thought, I worked at a, I used to, I did a construction job for a place that built decorative boxes, a huge sweatshop. I mean, you know, thousands and thousands of square feet, and all they did was build nice boxes. It was really ironic because it was a whole bunch of like poor downtrodden Latino women who were just eating off a lunch truck and, you know, sitting in a big assembly line and they were building, building these like boxes that very expensive perfume and gift, you know, these Estee Lauder boxes where you buy this and you get that for free. It was quite a, quite ironic that they were, that they were building it. But I was down there miserable too. This is many years ago. That's where the, that's where all the casinos are. You remember those commercials?

48:26 Drew There's one by the Five Freeway, I remember, like the bicycle.

48:29 Adam You guys ever go down there?

48:30 Caller Yeah.

48:30 Lit I get commerce and industry mixed up.

48:33 Adam Yeah, I don't know.

48:33 Lit Those two cities, I get them.

48:34 Caller And it was very quiet, very smoky. They don't have a slot machine, so you don't hear the chains dropping.

48:39 Adam Oh, really?

48:40 Caller Yeah. It's very depressing.

48:42 Adam I can't figure it out. It's like this kind of gambling is legal, but that kind of gambling is not.

48:45 Caller Yeah, what's the deal?

48:46 Adam But they used to have a great commercial where they'd run it like two in the morning. They go, The Poker and Kino Pan Society of Gardino welcomes you to Gardino. It was like a bad homemade commercial. They go, The Horseshoe, Italian cuisine, exquisite. They go, The Normandy, you're on the French Riviera. And I thought, Jesus Christ, you're sitting in commerce or in Gardena. I don't think you're on the French Riviera. I don't think anyone who's ever been down there has mistaken it for the French Riviera. How drunk do you have to be to think you're on the French Riviera? You're stepping outside.

49:20 Lit I think there's a Spearmint Rhino in commerce.

49:22 Adam There's a van that says Lovetron parked out in the parking lot with some Kragers on it and gunfire. That ain't the French Riviera. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. I think we have a little shift change with Lit.

49:34 Caller Already?

49:35 Adam Well, that's it. Is that it?

49:37 Caller I've got five more minutes.

49:38 Adam Well, go argue with AJ and Alan. We'll take ourselves a little break and we'll be back after that.

49:44 Caller Goodbye.

49:44 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

50:29 Drew We're here with Lit, Loveline, Fast As Our Radio.

50:35 Adam I give it a 4. I give that a 4.

50:38 Drew Supposed to be later.

50:39 Adam All right, Alan and AJ are here. We have done the changing of the guard for Lit, and we don't have to talk to you guys about anything. Is there anything you missed, that we missed with the first incarnation of Lit?

50:55 Drew I think we covered everything.

50:56 Caller I think Kevin covered everything.

50:57 Drew Yeah, and I get the pleasure of using his mic.

51:00 Adam Yeah. How's that doing? Is that all right?

51:02 Caller Yeah, we're pretty close.

51:05 Adam Yeah, this room will hold a fart. It's all the fabric on the wall.

51:08 Drew Yeah.

51:09 Adam Drew, you'll testify to that.

51:11 Drew Adam, you have loaded the walls here.

51:14 Adam You guys didn't hear this, but I had such gas one night. Drew was out in the hall with a 20-foot extension on his mic, doing the show, sitting on a trashcan out in the hallway.

51:25 Drew I turned upside down trashcan in the hall. I'm not fainthearted, right?

51:30 Adam No. You're a physician. You've dealt with many things like this.

51:35 Drew Unacceptable.

51:36 Adam That was one of my greatest ass triumphs ever, putting you out in the hall. My second, or I think my first, I just love this story. I know I've told it a couple of times. My partner, Jimmy Kimmel, the Emmy Award-winning Jimmy Kimmel, he likes to fart on people all the time. And I like to fart on him, and you know, it becomes a little battle. And one night he was over at my house. We had a bunch of guys over, and we were playing cards, and he was helping me clean up in the kitchen. We had barbecued some stuff, and we were a little drunk or stoned or something, and he was trying to clean up. And I took a can, a cylinder, of Trader Joe's Coffee Beans. You know, they come in this one-quart cylinder type can, and it was empty. I mean, there were about four beans rattling around at the bottom. And his back was to me because he was standing at the sink doing some dishes. And I took that can, and I put it against my ass so hard that it was an actual hermetic seal, like it made a pop noise when I pulled it off of my ass. And I pressed it up against my ass, and I filled it. Like it was like right against the ass and just shh. And then I took it from my ass, and I whipped it around, and I said, Jimmy, there's nothing better than fresh roasted French roast coffee. And I put the can, and he took his face. And you know, when you sniff coffee, someone gives you a can of like whole bean coffee. You don't do it from a foot and a half away. You'll bury your face. He took his face, he buried it in his face, and he just went, shh. And then he took like a beat, and then he like looked at the can, and then he looked at me, and he realized he'd been poisoned. You gotta try that one. Oh, he just like fell. He started like spraying water on his face. You know, the reason that was such a triumph for me is you can fart on a guy's head all you like, but you can't get him to take it in. You cannot force him to take it in. He took this one in. I mean, he inhaled my ass. Oh, boy. It was great.

53:40 Now, this is wonderful.

53:43 Drew I'm a little concerned about the imagery of penetration that you keep revisiting with your friend Jimmy.

53:48 Adam It was one. I wish we were gay. I've said it many times. Billy? Yeah. You're 25. What's up?

53:53 Caller How you doing, guys? Good.

53:55 Caller How you doing, brother?

53:56 Caller I'm excited about tomorrow. I'll be there.

53:58 Caller Oh, cool. You're not the one with the bent penis?

54:02 Caller I don't know.

54:04 Drew What's up, Billy?

54:04 Caller No, I actually have a problem.

54:07 Drew You're gay.

54:08 Caller Well, I have been in an actual rock band for a while, and our manager and I are both married. I have two kids. I don't know how to tell, and he doesn't really know how to tell his wife. I don't know how to tell my wife that we've been having a relationship together.

54:30 Adam Oh, really?

54:31 Caller Yeah. It's freaky. Excuse me?

54:35 Adam You're gay and he's gay?

54:37 Caller Um, yeah.

54:39 Adam Yeah.

54:39 Caller And we actually work close. Our families are close. I mean, we've...

54:43 Drew You just didn't know it until you developed this relationship or what?

54:46 Caller Actually, with me, I didn't know it until this relationship started.

54:49 Adam And this is your manager?

54:51 Caller Yes.

54:52 Adam Well, I've blown my manager, but it was just to get him to reduce his rate from 15 down to 10. I mean, we do what we have to. It's business, right? It's not that... Wasn't that?

55:02 Caller The thing is, is I've got two kids. He doesn't have any kids, but our family and his family are really close. We've been a part of this whole, you know, band manager thing for quite a while, and we're kind of...

55:18 Adam All right. So do you think there's any chance of you in the heterosexual lifestyle or is this it?

55:24 Caller I think this is it. I kind of... I'm just... I don't know. I got married. I got this girl pregnant in high school. Oh, boy. And back then, I was really, really hiding myself. She was kind of like my decoy, if you know what I mean.

55:36 Drew What do you want to do?

55:38 Caller We both talked about it, and we really both want to... want to let him know and maybe start, you know, I guess, thing with ourselves.

55:46 Adam All right. But listen, here's what I would say. Why do you... I wouldn't involve him. I mean, if you...

55:53 Drew And the relationship.

55:54 Adam If you're gay and you want to be out of the heterosexual relationship that you're in, say that. But don't tell him, here's, you know, oh, and a blowing herb at the same time, you know? Most gay guys are named Herbs.

56:08 Drew I would think that it must be...

56:11 Adam It used to be Bruce. That's what most guys...

56:13 Drew It must be somehow easier to end a marriage around this issue because there's sort of no...

56:18 Adam Yeah, what are you going to argue?

56:20 Drew Yeah, you can argue with Get. That's it. That's it. It's not going to work.

56:24 Adam But since she knows him and he's close to the family and stuff, why don't you just have a sit-down with your wife, but why do you have to bring him up? I mean, I don't think it's a good idea to bring up your next relationship to whoever you're breaking up with, no matter what direction you're going.

56:42 Caller I don't really have... It's not that big of a problem that I'm going to let her know this. To me, it's more of a big deal that it's with him. To me, it's...

56:49 Adam Well, why would she know? I mean, she'll find out down the road, but why don't you give it to her in increments? Why do you have to dump it all on her one night?

56:58 Drew First, just get it clear that you need the relationship to be over.

57:02 Caller Right.

57:02 Caller It's not really good to have a relationship with your manager in that way, anyways.

57:06 Drew The only hurtful thing you've done is to break the trust of the marriage. Being gay is something you've realized, and okay, that's that. But you've gone ahead and acted on it without first giving your wife a chance to disengage from this relationship.

57:19 Adam All right. I tell her, listen, honestly, I need my space, and I need the space in my ass filled, and I have to... No, I would say, I would say, listen, I'm gay and we got to break up, and then later on she'll find out about all this stuff, but let her...

57:36 Drew It won't matter to her so much then. That will seem natural almost.

57:40 Adam Jesus. That's a good out, though, if you want out of a relationship, the gay out. You know what I mean? I'm still thinking about the kids more than anything.

57:49 Drew Yeah, I know. That's going to be tough. But I mean, it is what it is.

57:54 Adam I mean, there's no... You don't think you should hang out and fake it?

57:57 Drew Well...

57:58 Adam Is that going to do the kids any good?

58:00 Drew I mean, if the wife wants to do it that way, but he won't do it that way. I don't think so.

58:05 All right.

58:05 Adam Let's talk to Michael. Michael?

58:08 Yes, sir.

58:09 Adam You're 29. What's up?

58:11 Caller I want to know how to get over abandoned issues that I have from my past.

58:16 Drew Therapy, therapy, therapy.

58:18 Adam Who abandoned you?

58:19 Caller Well, it wasn't a direct abandonment so much as it was a distancing, if you will.

58:25 Uh-oh.

58:27 Adam What's up?

58:27 Caller Well, my father was a truck driver and he stayed in-state, which means he was home when I was younger, but it was more like he went to work when I went to bed. He came home while I was at school. He was in bed when I got home from school.

58:44 Adam Yeah.

58:45 Drew So you never saw him?

58:47 Caller Virtually, no. He worked about 80 hours a week.

58:49 Adam Well, he was a trucker, though. What were you guys going to talk about? You know what I mean? Price of Diesel fuel, one of those, you know, toasters you plug into your cigarette lighter. I mean, there's really not a lot to talk about with truckers.

59:02 Drew And this isn't the whole story with this guy.

59:03 Adam No, you sound really screwed up. Are we right?

59:07 Thank you.

59:08 Caller Yeah, to some extent or another, I imagine so. No, I just I feel like like I'm undeserving of being loved.

59:17 Adam Yeah, what's up?

59:19 Caller Well, I'm I'm I'm sad. I'm ugly, you know, that kind of.

59:22 Adam Oh, well, all right. Well, really, how much you weigh? OK, that's fair. But listen, eight, oh, six feet. Hey, sorry. Watch out. Yeah. Hey, listen, what do you do for a living?

59:40 Caller I'm a mental health technician.

59:43 Adam Fantastic. What does that mean? You just lift crazy people all day.

59:47 Drew Pretty much. I sit and talk to them.

59:49 Adam Do you talk to them?

59:50 Caller Oh, yeah. They you don't restrain them on occasion, but I prefer to deescalate them.

59:57 Adam I see. All right. So what about seeking some help for yourself? I mean, you're in that field.

1:00:03 Caller Well, A, it's expensive, even with the insurance and number two, I kind of feel like I want to do it myself. Do it yourself.

1:00:12 Adam Why, though? Why bother? I mean, you don't fix your own transmission. You don't cut your own hair.

1:00:18 Caller If I knew something about fixing my own transmission, I'd give it a shot.

1:00:21 Drew Yeah, but you know, I hope you understand the field you're in, that no one fixes themselves.

1:00:27 Adam What about all the people that you work with?

1:00:30 Drew People heal, their mental health heals by virtue of connection with other people. And the only way those connected relationships change is when it's either in some sort of structure, such as 12-step, or being led through with a professional, like in the therapeutic process.

1:00:48 Adam Hey, Michael, are you living alone and eating TV dinners and masturbating every Friday night and crying and doing that kind of stuff?

1:00:56 Caller Well, I don't cry.

1:00:57 Adam Oh, I do. I do, because I swear it's the last time, every time I get disgusted. I get disgusted when I tell you, it's so fun. You know, I'd love to see some time lapse on me. I was watching, I saw Private Ryan last night at two in the morning on HBO. I was sitting there. I was actually weeping. I was watching Private Ryan. I was drinking some wine and tears were rolling down my eyes at the end, when he's like at the grave and he's saluting and the whole thing. And within two minutes, I was whacking off.

1:01:29 Caller You flipped over to Cinemax?

1:01:31 Adam Yeah, it's like all of a sudden, it's like, all right, Private Ryan, switch over to Playboy. Oh, hey, what's this? Yeah, now it's tears of joy now. Yeah, I thought, wow, what range I have as a male. I was crying a minute and 30 seconds ago. Now I'm jacking off. So, Michael, listen, buddy, you got to start taking care of yourself. I don't know, find something that turns you on, find something you like. You know what I mean? Something you like to do, start going on walks, start getting some therapy.

1:02:05 Drew But you need some relationships. That is what's missing here, and that's where the real change occurs.

1:02:10 Caller You mean on a therapeutic level?

1:02:12 Drew No, if you can find effective friendships.

1:02:15 Adam Prostitude, whatever.

1:02:16 Caller Well, I seem to have a tendency of picking the wrong type of women.

1:02:20 Drew That's the point. That's where you stay locked in to your current psyche.

1:02:25 Adam All right, Michael, come on. Get some therapy, would you?

1:02:28 Caller Thank you.

1:02:28 Caller You're good enough, you're smart enough, and god darn it, people like you.

1:02:32 Adam That's right. 6'8, 350.

1:02:36 Drew That's 328.

1:02:37 Adam That's 320. That's a lot of men.

1:02:39 Caller Brett? Yeah?

1:02:40 Adam You're 13?

1:02:42 Caller Yes.

1:02:42 Adam What is that?

1:02:44 Caller Well, I've been going out with this one girl for two weeks, and when I go to hug her, she just backs away. There's like, I don't feel a connection between us.

1:02:53 Drew How old is she?

1:02:54 Caller She's 13.

1:02:56 Drew Are you her first sort of hug date?

1:03:00 Caller Um, I believe so.

1:03:02 Drew Okay, it could be a little freaky first time around.

1:03:04 Caller Just give it a little time.

1:03:06 Adam Yeah.

1:03:07 Caller It's been two weeks.

1:03:08 Oh, whoa.

1:03:11 Adam I know, because when you put that kind of time commitment into a relationship, you do expect more. I mean, you think this she may be the one, Brett. I mean, you guys may be getting married or something. You're looking to start a family. I mean, not now. Not at 13, but a couple of years down the road, a couple of weeks, 15, 16, something like that. Settle down. You know, you get your permit. She gets her braces off. You guys start to really connect. Is that what you're looking at?

1:03:43 Caller Yeah.

1:03:43 Adam Have you guys kissed, Brett?

1:03:45 Caller No, I tried to. She backed away.

1:03:48 Adam Yeah. You had that sort of chocolate milk mucus going and it freaked her out a little bit. No.

1:03:55 Caller No.

1:03:55 Adam OK. Do you think she likes you, Brett? She's she don't like to hug too much. She doesn't like to kiss too much.

1:04:01 Caller Well, it seems like she likes me. But whenever I go to do something with her, she just leaves.

1:04:07 Adam Maybe she's using you. Do you have like a Nintendo or something? I have had bitches do that. They want my Ovaltine. They want my Nintendo.

1:04:17 Drew I think she's just fearful, Brett. She real time.

1:04:20 Adam Two weeks. They want to ride on the moped. I know what they like.

1:04:23 Drew Seems like a long time, but it's really nothing.

1:04:26 Adam I would just take it slow, Brett. All right. All right, everybody. Good times. You're a genius. Yes, thank you. All right. It's refreshing because we talked to 13-year-olds. They're like, yeah, I was getting corn hold by my 85-year-old boyfriend and he pulled out. I want to know. You know what I mean? Yeah. That was kind of refreshing there. That's fine. I don't think she liked him though. Didn't seem like she liked him. You know the beauty of guys is, especially 13, you can think you're dating someone who doesn't think they're dating you. That doesn't happen later on.

1:05:01 Caller You think she's cute, so she's your girlfriend automatically.

1:05:03 Adam Yeah, later on in life, you figure that one out. But there's a point through junior high when you think you're actually having a relationship with someone. I mean, I had that with all of Charlie's Angels, with Daisy Duke, with Adrienne Barbeau, with many people on television. Tracy Gold. Hello. Shannon? Yes. Did she have that eating disorder? Was that Tracy Gold? Yeah, she did. I would have picked up the pieces. Shannon?

1:05:28 Yeah.

1:05:28 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:05:30 Caller I'm a big fan of Lit.

1:05:31 I'm like their biggest fan. And I just wanted to say hi and that I'm excited about. I can't go to the House of Blue show, but I'm excited about the home video and everything on the website. And I was I'm the one I don't know if AJ, if you remember that I always wrote letters about kissing your tattoo.

1:05:49 Caller Um, I think I did get one of those.

1:05:51 Caller Yeah, and I bet you let me kiss it like a while ago and it was very exciting.

1:05:55 Caller Oh, you're not supposed to say that on the radio.

1:05:57 Caller It wasn't bad.

1:05:58 Anyway, I was going to ask.

1:06:00 Caller Did you French kiss it?

1:06:03 Okay, on the Cribs show, like they talked about how Jeremy really likes Frank Sinatra to the point where he like decorated his house with him and stuff and I was wondering if any of the rest of you have influences like that.

1:06:16 Caller Um, that sounds kind of sick, huh? With his ashes or something? I collect Elvis Presley stuff. I mean, as far as like, it was his birthday a couple of weeks ago.

1:06:27 Adam Did you get the TV Guide?

1:06:29 Caller I did. I got two of them, but I'm looking for two more. I don't know. I'm trying to get the whole collection.

1:06:33 Adam Didn't they do that last year too on his birthday? Do some sort of four CD, I mean, four Elvis...

1:06:41 Lit I think that was in sync or something.

1:06:43 Adam No, I think Elvis, they did like Hawaiian Elvis and Leather Elvis and Comeback Elvis and Gold LeMay Elvis and Bloated on the Pot Elvis. Shannon? Dead on the Throne Elvis. Alright, I don't know if we answered your question. I didn't know Jeremy didn't...

1:07:00 Caller I just wanted to say hi to Lit and say that I love them.

1:07:02 Caller Thanks for calling us.

1:07:03 Caller Oh, okay.

1:07:04 Caller I'm your biggest fan, I swear.

1:07:06 Adam Thank you. But you're such a big fan. You're not going to see them at the House of Blues tomorrow night?

1:07:11 I live like hundreds of miles away.

1:07:12 Where do you live?

1:07:14 Adam What's your address? Where do you live?

1:07:16 In Northern California.

1:07:17 Adam All right. Thanks, baby. Kevin, you got a fart?

1:07:21 Caller No.

1:07:21 Adam I thought I did, but I'm working on it. All right. Stand by.

1:07:25 Caller Yeah.

1:07:25 Caller Let's get him his own mic, please.

1:07:27 Adam George? No, you can use mine. George?

1:07:29 Yeah.

1:07:30 Adam You're 23.

1:07:31 Caller Yeah.

1:07:31 Adam What's up?

1:07:33 Caller Sometimes when I do a girl, like when she's facing the way I'm facing, when she's riding me, I feel like I...

1:07:42 Adam Turn your radio down, genius. All right.

1:07:44 Caller Hold on. Oh, boy.

1:07:46 Adam Did he hang up or just put us on hold? What was he saying? When he does a girl and she's facing... There he is.

1:07:50 Caller Hello.

1:07:51 Adam Yes?

1:07:51 Caller All right.

1:07:52 Adam You're banging a chick and she's facing toward Mecca.

1:07:55 Lit And she's riding you?

1:07:56 Caller Yeah.

1:07:57 Adam Right?

1:07:57 Caller Sometimes I feel like I hit a bone or something inside of her.

1:08:02 Adam Yes.

1:08:03 Caller What is that? Ouch.

1:08:04 Adam That's her spinal cord.

1:08:06 Caller That sounded cool.

1:08:08 Drew You have access to a computer?

1:08:10 Caller Uh, not at the moment.

1:08:12 Drew You might want to look on it.

1:08:14 Adam What would you hit in there?

1:08:16 Drew Well, you can hit the cervix. That's what most people feel when they're there at the tip.

1:08:18 Adam I don't think I've ever made it that far.

1:08:20 Drew As you're pulling back, you can hit the lip of the pubic bone. And then you can hit the sacrum if you're going sort of downwardly.

1:08:27 Adam I think I could hit the cervix if I had another guy pushing on my ass. You know, but I don't have a good angle. I don't have enough leverage to do it myself. But if I could get a guy behind me like he was trying to bump start a car, something really pushing my ass hard, I think I could get it. I think I could do it. You know, Drew? And if she was pushed up against something like a cinder block wall or something, wouldn't have much flex to it. I think I could get that cervix. I'd like to hit that cervix just once before I die. It's equivalent to a lot of short white guys touching the rim or something like that. I just want to get up to that thing once. Drew, how big does your penis need to be to get that cervix?

1:09:07 Drew Depends if you're with the 18 inch tall woman.

1:09:10 Adam Oh really? Oh, there's hope. All right. I can find that. She's pretty shallow, huh? What about the guy with the 18 inch penis and the two foot tall J?

1:09:20 Caller 18 inches versus 18 inches? We guys talking about that?

1:09:23 Adam Did it fit in her? Yeah, oh yeah.

1:09:24 Caller Oh boy.

1:09:26 Adam Yeah? You gotta get it.

1:09:28 Caller It's great entertainment.

1:09:29 Adam What do I do to it though?

1:09:31 Drew Is this woman being harmed, hurt by this thing?

1:09:33 Caller No, she's embracing it.

1:09:35 Caller I think she even deep throats it at one point. And that's just, that's baffling.

1:09:38 Caller It's hilarious.

1:09:40 Adam It went into one of her lungs. She died of pneumonia. All right, Selena?

1:09:46 Yeah.

1:09:47 Adam You're 16.

1:09:48 Caller Yeah.

1:09:48 Adam What's up?

1:09:49 Caller I just wanted to say hi to AJ because I love him so much.

1:09:53 Caller Oh, hello.

1:09:54 Caller I love Lit.

1:09:55 Caller And I was just wondering, like, my favorite song on the CD is Perfect One.

1:10:00 Caller And I was just, like, wondering what, like, what inspired you guys to do that song?

1:10:05 Caller What inspired Perfect One? It's just a sappy love song, isn't it? No, it's kind of that, that what was me guy who can't get the hot chick and sort of wishes he could.

1:10:20 Caller I love, I love that song.

1:10:21 Caller And it's like, it's like me and my boyfriend's song.

1:10:24 Caller Oh, that's cool.

1:10:25 Caller It's so perfect.

1:10:26 Adam Where are you calling from?

1:10:27 Caller Tucson, Arizona.

1:10:28 Adam You guys gonna, well, now, what are you guys gonna do? You're gonna make the CD and then go tour?

1:10:34 Caller Yep.

1:10:35 Caller Yeah.

1:10:35 Adam So you'll be in Tucson eventually?

1:10:37 Caller Early summer, hopefully.

1:10:38 Caller Yeah.

1:10:39 Caller Oh, I'm gonna be there then.

1:10:40 Caller Cool.

1:10:41 Adam Oh, yeah. It's good times, Tucson, there in the summer. Yeah. It's a nice, crisp, one-twenty-two, one-twenty-three. In the shade, of course. Well, if there was shade. You get close enough to a cactus, I guess you find some shade or maybe a parking structure or something sometimes. That's beautiful country out there, the dust blowing around.

1:10:59 Caller It's lovely.

1:11:00 Adam All right, Selena.

1:11:02 Caller I just also want to say that my best friend, Erica, it's her birthday next week and I just wanted to tell her that I tell you that she loves you, too, so.

1:11:09 Caller Happy birthday, Erica. Tell her I said happy birthday.

1:11:11 Caller Okay.

1:11:12 Adam All right, Selena. Bye-bye. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back with more Lit after that.

1:11:17 Caller Cool. Love Line will be right back.

1:11:57 Adam AJ and Alan are both here from Lit.

1:11:59 Caller Hello.

1:12:00 Adam We will hear something off the Ace Freely solo project.

1:12:06 Caller Are we playing that song?

1:12:06 Adam Are we going to play that one? That's what Jeremy says.

1:12:09 Caller I thought we were doing Chain of Fools. Where is he?

1:12:12 Adam Oh, you're doing the Aretha Franklin one.

1:12:14 Caller Yeah, I thought that's when we were doing it.

1:12:16 Adam The band is split. Well, we'll figure it. They can argue about it during the next break, and then we'll get to the bottom of it. Jessica, you're 17. What's up?

1:12:26 Caller Okay.

1:12:27 Caller When I was younger, like in elementary school, my parents got divorced when I was probably in like first grade. And when I went over to my dad got a new girlfriend, and I'd go over to their house, and we'd always fall asleep in the same bed because we'd fall asleep watching movies or something. And my dad and his girlfriend would have slept in the same bed while I was supposedly sleeping.

1:12:56 Drew Oh boy.

1:12:57 Adam Yeah, there's a part of me that respects that. But what, did he not have a big pad? Could they have gone somewhere else?

1:13:06 Caller Well, we always fall asleep in their bedroom because it was the only room with a TV in it, and we had like an evening ritual of watching movies.

1:13:15 Drew But they could have gone to another room, or they could have put you in another room.

1:13:18 Caller Yeah, and it also happened, like, it happened more than once. And like...

1:13:23 Drew Did they know you woke up?

1:13:24 Caller No.

1:13:25 Adam And where would you have slept normally? Would you normally sleep on the bed? Did you have your own room?

1:13:32 Caller I had my own room, but the thing was that it wasn't heated. So I kind of like had an open invitation to their room.

1:13:39 Adam I see.

1:13:40 Drew Did you understand what was going on?

1:13:41 Adam This is sounding like the Taj Mahal over here. We got one TV, and well, the rabbit ears. My dad threw a beer at the other TV, so it was on the fridge. And they had one space heater. He had it duct taped to the foot of his bed. Mine was, well, didn't have windows in my room.

1:13:57 Drew So did you understand what was going on around you?

1:14:00 Caller Yeah.

1:14:01 Adam Okay.

1:14:01 Drew How old were you?

1:14:02 Caller I was like, Six, seven. It probably started when I was like nine, and stopped when I was 11.

1:14:07 Adam All right. So that's good and weird. But are you freaked out now?

1:14:13 Caller It's kind of weird. I'm still a virgin.

1:14:15 Adam Yeah.

1:14:15 Caller Good.

1:14:17 Adam Drew, you ought to try that with your daughter.

1:14:18 Drew I was thinking, hmm, mental note.

1:14:19 Adam Hey, Saturday night, honey. You're sleeping with me and my... Drew, you're doing it while the TV is still on, right? It's a good angle. Yeah, freak her out. All right. I mean, do you have to let this freak you out? I mean, you're 17. You can kind of understand it now.

1:14:36 Caller Yeah. Well, it's not so much that like it bothers me that it did happen. I'm afraid that it's going to affect like once I get into sexual, like when you might you might yell out daddy or something like I don't know. Like I'm with what I've done.

1:14:53 Adam Yeah. Hey, could you turn the cars down, please?

1:14:55 Caller Sorry.

1:14:56 Adam Is that the cars?

1:14:57 Caller Yeah.

1:14:59 Adam Hey, do I know riff or do I know?

1:15:00 Lit That's pretty good.

1:15:01 Adam That's don't you stop. Like just to prove me right, turn it up and put the phone over there.

1:15:07 Caller Yeah. Wait, you want me to turn it off?

1:15:08 Lit Go ahead.

1:15:09 Adam Turn it up and put the phone by it.

1:15:10 Caller I didn't turn it off.

1:15:12 Adam Okay. Well, that's fine then.

1:15:14 Caller All right, Adam, what track number is it?

1:15:15 Adam That was three off of Candio.

1:15:18 Caller That's pretty good.

1:15:19 Caller Was she 17 and listening to the cars?

1:15:21 Drew That's pretty good.

1:15:22 Caller Yeah.

1:15:23 Adam A Jessica? Yeah. You know, here's the real problem. It's not that your dad had sex in front of you. As much as you were raised by the guy who thought it was okay to have sex. That's worse.

1:15:37 Caller Yeah. See, I've had a lot of problems with my dad.

1:15:40 Drew No kidding.

1:15:41 Caller Yeah. Because he was an alcoholic and terribly abusive and all this. But once I get into a sexual situation, I'm really detached from everything.

1:15:52 Drew Yeah. That's probably what you did, how you dealt with being in the bed with my dad and his girlfriend.

1:15:59 Adam He didn't set his beer on you or anything, did he?

1:16:01 Caller No.

1:16:01 Drew And I suspect that when you find a good abusive alcoholic, suddenly you'll be available and involved.

1:16:06 Adam Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed.

1:16:08 Drew Yeah. So, really, little Alanon might do you some good, or Alatine if you're willing to go. And that would really, and you can talk about this, the consequences of your dad's alcoholism on you, and maybe grow through this in such a way that you make better choices with whom you choose to get involved with. And thereby, with any luck at all, you may be available more really in a sexual relationship.

1:16:30 Adam And Jessica, you're 17, it's 2001 now, it's time to move ahead musically to, let's say, the Culture Club, or maybe Wham! UK or something in the 80s.

1:16:42 Caller Oh, I'd like the 80s.

1:16:44 Caller Alright.

1:16:45 Caller Do you have the Lit album?

1:16:47 Caller No.

1:16:47 Adam Yeah, get the Lit album, would you? And join us in our, you know, there's all sorts of stuff. They got these things called CD players.

1:16:56 Caller Yeah, I have one.

1:16:56 Adam You can listen to the Lit album on. I know they called it an album, but it's just for confusion. Alright, Jessica.

1:17:03 Caller Alright.

1:17:03 Adam Alright, so get some therapy, but don't focus on the sex next to your dad part.

1:17:08 Caller Okay.

1:17:08 Adam Focus on your dad, the alcoholic part.

1:17:11 Caller Oh, have done that.

1:17:12 Adam Alright, baby.

1:17:13 Caller Okay.

1:17:13 Adam Alright. Listen, I don't mind when this stuff translates into frigidity. You know what I mean? She's not pregnant. She's not blowing every guy in her junior class. I mean, she's freaked out, but maybe that's a good thing.

1:17:26 Caller I think so.

1:17:27 Adam You know? She could be in, she could, she's in a lot better shape than a lot of people who call this show.

1:17:32 Caller Yeah.

1:17:33 Adam Melissa?

1:17:33 Drew Yes.

1:17:34 Adam You're 22.

1:17:35 Caller Right.

1:17:35 Adam What's up?

1:17:36 Caller I just wanted to ask Dr. Drew what he could tell me about the birth control, Lunel.

1:17:40 Drew What's in it?

1:17:42 Caller It's an injection.

1:17:43 Drew Is that the estrogen-progesterone combo?

1:17:46 Caller I'm not sure.

1:17:47 Drew Because there's one, there's a new, I'm not sure what the trade name is, but there's a new one that just came out that is a modification of DepoProvera that adds estrogen. So hopefully, I'm not having any experience with this yet, but hopefully you won't see the same side effects that you see with the progesterone-only shot, which is very often irritability and mood disturbances and excessive bleeding. Now it's more like the birth control pill.

1:18:09 Adam Why didn't they come up with this years ago?

1:18:11 Drew I don't know.

1:18:12 Adam All right. All right, Melissa, did you say you've tried it?

1:18:16 Caller No, actually, I don't think it's out yet.

1:18:18 Caller I think they're like just testing it because where I work, they're doing a study like for people.

1:18:25 Adam They're studying people? That's good. Do they do birth control? Do they do it on chimps and mice and sheep and stuff? And then guys have sex with them? No?

1:18:37 Drew There's a book out there about how primate systems change the behavior when they go under birth control. Have I talked about this?

1:18:43 Adam No.

1:18:43 Drew There's a guy named Lionel Tiger that wrote a book called The Decline of the Male. He's the eldest literature about you take these primate systems with the alpha males and you put the women on the birth control pill and they're suddenly not very interested in sex. It decreases their libido and the male becomes more aggressive and starts masturbating more and acting really strange around the women. Much more like the man. Very much like sort of what happens on the man show. It's sort of like man show because of the interesting territory.

1:19:07 Adam So what is this conclusion?

1:19:08 Drew The conclusion is that putting all these women on the pill is significantly changing the dynamics.

1:19:14 Adam Why does that? Why do you think that does that?

1:19:16 Drew Fundamentally the progesterone. Well some women react differently as you know to the different hormones, but fundamentally it can decrease libido and change their mood and make them less receptive.

1:19:24 Adam I see. So guys start freaking. So more Nintendo, more Jack and Off. For the monkeys.

1:19:30 Caller Speaking of the man show, I think you should have an episode with all the trampoline girls.

1:19:34 Adam Yeah, we'd like a full... I'm down. That's easier for me and that's all people want to see anyway. I will suggest that this year. We had trampoline auditions on one episode. That was a pretty motley crew showed up for that. But I'll suggest that. All trampolines? All trampolines, yeah. We should just put it in a corner and just have it running around. Well, back to the point. All right. Marty?

1:19:58 Caller Yeah?

1:19:59 Adam Year 28, what's up?

1:20:00 Caller Hey, I'm here with the girls from the band Cleavage. And the girls want to know, do the guys groom their pubes?

1:20:09 Adam The band, yeah. The band, yeah.

1:20:10 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:20:11 Adam Let's ask them.

1:20:11 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:20:12 Adam You got to trim up down there. Sure.

1:20:15 Caller Oh, yeah?

1:20:15 Caller Do you think it's creepy if a guy shaves a ball down there?

1:20:19 Caller No, we want to know. We want to know. We have a shop and we want to know if that's the hot thing to be doing.

1:20:24 Caller You have a shop?

1:20:25 Caller Yeah. Who is this?

1:20:27 Adam That was AJ. You have a... A shop?

1:20:30 Caller AJ, you've been there.

1:20:31 Adam You have a nut-shaving shop? Sign me up. What kind of shop?

1:20:35 Caller What kind of shop?

1:20:36 Caller We're a salon. We have a salon.

1:20:38 Caller Oh, and you wax pubes?

1:20:40 Drew Sure.

1:20:41 Adam Do you ever work on guys?

1:20:42 Caller Yeah.

1:20:43 Adam You work on straight guys or just gay guys?

1:20:45 Caller No, straight guys.

1:20:46 Caller Well, do you work on the guys, though?

1:20:48 Caller Hey, you guys know.

1:20:50 Caller What are you talking about?

1:20:50 Caller You want to know because you've been to our shop.

1:20:54 Adam Hey, Marty.

1:20:54 Caller Where's your shop at?

1:20:56 Caller It's in California.

1:20:57 Adam All right.

1:20:58 Caller I must have been there. I think I have.

1:20:59 Adam We're going to hang up on you, all right?

1:21:00 Caller No, no, no.

1:21:02 Adam Are you drunk?

1:21:03 Caller No.

1:21:03 Adam You must be really good looking.

1:21:05 Caller Yeah.

1:21:06 Adam Yeah, I figured that because you're totally unentertaining. And so we really get the worst of both worlds over the radio because we can't look at you. I'm sure we'd be all ears if you're standing in front of us, but over the radio, it's a disaster for us.

1:21:20 Caller Oh, OK.

1:21:21 Adam All right, baby.

1:21:22 Caller Bye.

1:21:23 Caller All right.

1:21:23 Adam Enjoy the pub shot.

1:21:24 Caller You are an asshole.

1:21:25 Adam Now, I can always tell good looking women because they tell stories with no ending and they get by because everyone just laughs and nods their head. You know, oh, that's great. Oh, no, that's funny. That's beautiful. But don't I call it once in a while on this show, Drew?

1:21:39 Drew Most times, yeah.

1:21:40 Adam Yeah. I think that was her. I think she was a little bit loaded. You get that vibe? Yeah. She was in a band called Cleavage, but she worked at the shop. The shop. Whenever someone says the shop, you picture shaving pubic hair, right? Like when a guy says he's going to run it down to the shop, he's going to run the truck over the shop, you picture pubes falling on the ground, right? Whenever you hear shops, I'm going shopping. Well, my mom used to say she was going shopping. I thought she was going to the market. Turns out she's going to get a pubeshake. Yeah. I didn't know that. Shop around means shave around, shave around the scrotum.

1:22:16 Drew That shop, you know the shop.

1:22:17 Adam Oh, the shop.

1:22:18 Drew You know.

1:22:18 Adam Oh, sure.

1:22:19 Drew You know. You've been there.

1:22:20 Adam It's another thing beautiful, stupid women do too, is they talk about stuff that you should know. Like they'll go, well, I had lunch with Barry today. And you'll go, Barry? Oh, you don't know Barry. And you go, all right. Well, then say you had lunch with one of your friends who I don't know. Don't say the guy's name because you're going to get me confused because I'm going to guess who the name is. All right. Let's talk to Evan. Evan is 15. Evan?

1:22:44 Caller Yeah.

1:22:45 Adam Your penis is bent?

1:22:46 Caller Yeah.

1:22:47 Adam Which direction?

1:22:48 Caller It's like when it's hard, it kind of curves like up and then goes down.

1:22:52 Drew Up and down. Oh, this is a new, it's got a dip in it.

1:22:56 Caller Dude, you're lucky. Wow.

1:22:58 Caller Chicks probably really dig you.

1:23:00 Drew Is that sort of towards the tip, just at the head of the penis?

1:23:03 Caller No, it's like in the shaft.

1:23:04 Drew In the middle.

1:23:06 Adam Mine just goes down, and I believe if it was longer, it would head up again, but it just stops on the down. Evan, does it really go up and down? Because we've never heard that.

1:23:17 Drew Well, you can see if the curve.

1:23:19 Adam Like goosenecks? It's like when the Concorde is taking off?

1:23:22 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:23:23 Adam Or landing, it's got that, you know what I'm talking about? I mean, it heads up at an angle.

1:23:29 Caller I've never flown on the Concorde, I'm not a millionaire like you.

1:23:32 Adam No, I haven't either.

1:23:34 Drew This just means there's an elbow in it for him. Rather than being a nice hill, it's an elbow.

1:23:38 Adam And then heads down like that?

1:23:39 Drew Yeah. Heads up, heads down.

1:23:41 Caller So you're saying the tip of it goes down or up?

1:23:43 Caller The tip goes down.

1:23:45 Caller That sucks.

1:23:45 Adam But the shaft goes up.

1:23:47 Drew What's the question?

1:23:50 Caller How can I get that straightened out?

1:23:52 Drew Well, it takes some vitamin E, about 800 units a day. Unless you have painful erection or difficulty achieving erection, I doubt anybody would do anything with that. Take your vitamin E.

1:24:06 Caller Where can I get that? Like Jan Cedar?

1:24:08 Drew Exactly.

1:24:10 Adam Get something at the shop.

1:24:12 Caller Get some vitamin E oil when you masturbate.

1:24:14 Adam Rub it on there. And sleep on your belly and press it up against your belly. My penis was bent as a youth and I used to sleep with it in between two Bibles. And it flattened it right out. Unacceptable. I duct taped it in between two Bibles.

1:24:29 Caller I thought I was the only one that did that.

1:24:30 Adam No, no. It was a universal thing.

1:24:32 Drew Didn't you tell me you had your dad run over it?

1:24:35 Adam I had my dad break it. No, that's when he was breaking in my penis. He used to oil it up with mink oil. He parked the car on it overnight. Yeah. I'd put a baseball on it and then rubber band it to it and fold it over it. That's when I was trying to break it in when I was younger. All right. I think we'll take a little break. We'll hear something from Lit. We had a little controversy as to what the next Lit song is going to be. I see Snowblind up here. That's pretty metal. I think. We can argue over that. We'll get back.

1:25:04 Caller All right.

1:25:05 Adam And we'll come to a conclusion after that. Bye bye. We'll be right back. I never saw, all right, give me that.

1:25:39 Caller Is this on?

1:25:41 Adam I never saw Kennedy's corpse. I believe he's dead.

1:25:43 Drew Yeah, but think about how-

1:25:45 Adam I'll take the FBI's word for it.

1:25:46 Drew Think of it, denial operates so profoundly in people's lives.

1:25:49 Adam Now, listen, we're just talking to AJ and Alan from Lit about Kevin's sister. She kills people or she works at a morgue? I can't remember which one it was.

1:26:00 Drew She was a-

1:26:00 Adam She's a mortician.

1:26:02 Caller And the whole-

1:26:03 Adam the whole ritual of putting the makeup on and reconstructing the person, I find it bizarre. I find it morbid and bizarre. And I'd like to remember people the way they were, which was, you know, napping or masturbating. That's the way I want people to remember me. As a matter of fact, when most people close their eyes, it'll be like I was dead anyway because I was taking a nap. But Drew says we need to see them dead in order to convince ourselves that they're actually gone.

1:26:29 Drew Why do humans do that kind of thing?

1:26:31 Adam No.

1:26:32 Drew They need to really mourn.

1:26:34 Adam Humans. What do you mean? Do you know anybody who needs to see someone's corpse to know that they're actually dead?

1:26:39 Drew Humans do that. They like to mourn over it. They need to see it.

1:26:44 Adam They can mourn without seeing a person's lifeless corpse.

1:26:48 Drew They bring them back into the home for a few days.

1:26:52 Adam They owe money. They owe money. You can't get around that. Put them to work. I'm with you.

1:26:57 Drew But it helps people really get into the mourning process.

1:27:00 Adam No, it does not. Because you resist it like crazy. No, it's a bizarre morbid ritual.

1:27:03 Caller Why would you want to mourn for that long?

1:27:05 Drew It takes a while.

1:27:06 Adam Listen, I could mourn plenty just knowing they were dead. I don't have to see the corpse. I was saying to Ann, what is your worst nightmare? It's walking in and discovering a corpse. You opening the apartment and your roommate's belly up ODs, right? That's going to stick with you for a long time and freak you out. Why is it okay then three days later to look at his corpse in a bucket? You know what I mean? Why is that better? I think it's bizarre. I don't want to put Kevin's sister out of work, but I disagree with the whole thing. And then people blowing their heads off with shotguns and she's using Silly Putty to make their nose. Just close that casket.

1:27:42 Caller Yesterday's news on something.

1:27:43 Adam All right. We're going to hear... There's been some controversy as to which Lit song we're going to hear, but it's now decided that it's going to be Snowblind.

1:27:52 Caller Is it?

1:27:53 Adam Well, that's what it says on the screen. What do you want to hear? Well, Chain of Fools I like, because I know the song. I don't know Snowblind, but Snowblind sounds rocking. But Chain of Fools rocks too, right? That's a totally different thing.

1:28:08 Caller We f'd it up really bad though. You're not going to recognize Chain of Fools. You won't recognize either of these songs.

1:28:12 Adam All right. Well, which one do you have in there, Anderson? What do you say? What do you got? You got Chain of Fools? Okay. All right. Well, so be it. From Lit, here it is. Chain of Fools. That was good, I like that. And you know, it kind of, it worked, I mean, with the up tempo in the lyrics, worked. I never really thought about the lyrics of that song too much, but it just got kind of a punk, punk edge to it.

1:30:40 Caller Very sloppy.

1:30:41 Adam It sounded good. I'm glad we went with that one. Drew, any complaints about that? No complaints. Drew, I know you're a big Ace Freely fan. Yeah, sure. And you're yearning for some Snowblood. Drew had his lighter ready. All right, that was Lit. Again, gonna be out at the House of Blues tomorrow night and Saturday night to open up the new House of Blues, which is in the beautiful, antiseptic Anaheim. Kyle?

1:31:06 Yeah?

1:31:07 Adam You're 14. What's up?

1:31:09 Caller Hey, you had a call on earlier about that contest, that guy was masturbating a whole bunch.

1:31:14 Adam Yeah.

1:31:15 Caller Yeah, I had a little contest of my own today. I have this friend. He's kind of a novelty. He's 14, too. He's 300 pounds and about 6'2. And we bet him 15 bucks that he couldn't drink a whole gallon of milk without puking in 10 minutes.

1:31:30 Adam Oh, yeah. He puked.

1:31:31 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:31:31 Adam He puked. Yeah, well, I've done this with my buddies. Whenever you have those drinks, how much you can consume things, someone heaves. You can't hold down that much at water, beer, whatever. If you chug more than, I don't know, 32 ounces in like a couple of minutes, it just comes flying back out of you. It's always funny, too. That's the real payoff.

1:31:51 Caller Yeah, you got a good three quarters of the way through it.

1:31:53 Adam Yeah.

1:31:53 Drew That's it, Kyle. That's what you called?

1:31:55 Caller Huh?

1:31:55 Drew That's what you called?

1:31:56 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.

1:31:57 Drew Cool.

1:31:58 Adam Actually, I did this with three of my friends and all three of them heaved. And it was funny because they went off in order.

1:32:04 Drew That's great.

1:32:04 Adam Ray was one of them. I think the Wheeze's brother. It was really funny.

1:32:08 Drew Beautiful.

1:32:09 Adam Yeah. They're just using water. Can you hurt yourself?

1:32:12 Drew With excess water? Yeah, you could.

1:32:14 Adam Yeah? Yeah, they're fine.

1:32:17 Drew Marie, 17.

1:32:18 Adam I guess we'll never really know.

1:32:19 Drew What's up, Marie?

1:32:20 Adam You're 17. What's going on?

1:32:22 Caller I was wondering if people could have like self-destructive nature without like problem parents.

1:32:27 Adam Hold on. Kevin may have a fart.

1:32:29 Caller Yeah.

1:32:30 Adam No.

1:32:30 Drew Yeah, she can.

1:32:31 Caller Well, because like, okay, my parents divorced when I was like three.

1:32:34 Drew Well, that's a problem.

1:32:35 Caller Oh, yeah. It wasn't very good. But, you know, I still I got to see my dad and stuff. Well, he was gone for like three years because he was in the Navy.

1:32:43 Drew That's a problem.

1:32:44 Caller But then when he came back, I still saw him like on weekends and like holidays and stuff.

1:32:48 Caller That's a problem.

1:32:49 Caller Why is that a problem? We had a good relationship.

1:32:51 Drew Yeah, when you saw him, but you barely saw him.

1:32:53 Caller Yeah.

1:32:53 Adam All right. So what it says up here, you had sex with 26 guys.

1:32:57 Caller Yeah, I've had sex with 26 different guys.

1:32:59 Adam At 17?

1:33:00 Caller Yeah.

1:33:01 Adam Yeah. That's gonna be great when you're getting married in about eight years and you go to that dorky guy you're getting married. How many times you had sex and he's like, well, technically twice, but I counted as three because Susie Taferman. Well, I mean, I was in her for, I mean, if her dad hadn't come into the rumpus room, it would have been three. I mean, it was three. I mean, I counted as three. What about you? Okay, I'm gonna go vomit now. I'll be back in a minute. Fine, I gotta go rape Susie Taferman. I'll be back in about an hour. Oh, God. Listen, slow down. What's your baby? You're gonna burn that vagina out before your 18th birthday.

1:33:46 Drew Are you doing drugs or alcohol when you do this?

1:33:48 Adam Well, when you get into the tub, does it go shh? Big thing of steam?

1:33:55 Caller Well, no, I used to smoke weed and I used to drink like a lot.

1:33:58 Drew Okay.

1:33:59 Caller But I don't drink at all anymore. And it's a real rare occasion when I smoke marijuana. But I was also wondering, can marijuana make you infertile?

1:34:08 Adam Why?

1:34:09 Caller Because...

1:34:10 Drew They can screw around with men's testosterone levels, but that's about it.

1:34:14 Adam You haven't gotten pregnant yet?

1:34:16 Drew No, but having sex with 26 guys can make you infertile because that's the most common way to infertility is infection in the tubes and a good way to get that is expose yourself to lots of gas.

1:34:27 Adam You're not using protection?

1:34:29 Caller Not often.

1:34:33 Adam You're flirting with disaster, baby.

1:34:34 Drew You ever had a pelvic exam?

1:34:36 Caller Uh-huh, every year.

1:34:37 Drew Okay, good.

1:34:37 Caller Since I was 13, I first started having sex.

1:34:39 Drew But again, is there alcohol in your...

1:34:42 Adam What's the guy's like, it's like where they in jaws when they cut the shark, oh, we found a hubcap and a wristwatch, a piece of a penis up there. What's going on here, honey? What are you using this thing for?

1:34:54 Drew I just suspect...

1:34:55 Adam You got a NCAA Championship ring, a charm bracelet.

1:34:59 Drew Here's the basic assessment here, is that you've got a lot of bad feelings you're trying to escape, right? Okay, where those come from, it's not clear, but at first you're using alcohol and pot to escape those feelings, and now you're using sex. And it's probably part of an addictive process. You probably have that gene, and that's why they're so gratifying.

1:35:16 Adam But as a woman, if you want to do this at 16 or 17, you can, game on. I mean, you wanna do 26 guys in a year? I mean, we all wanted to do 26. That was my goal. My goal was, I'm gonna do 26 girls my freshman year of high school. How many did I do? I did a melon, a honeydew melon rind, and an electric toothbrush. That's what I did. All right, we will take ourselves a little break. We'll be back with Lit after this. All righty. Well, there you go. Another fantabulous week of Loveline in the can. I want to give thanks where thanks is due. I want to thank Sarah for doing a great job on the phones, half the week at least, and of course, Lauren for the other half. Producer Ann, who not only does a wonderful job booking wonderful acts like Lit, and Tracy Lourdes is going to be on here Sunday night, but she buys nice gifts and practical gifts, things I can wear many days in a row. Things with buttons that have pockets on the back of them, or pockets that have buttons on the back of them. I want to thank Dr. Bruce for doing a world-class job filling in for Dr. Bruce. I had anal sex and I passed out a couple of times. Quite Bruce, I'm just trying to plug you here. Dr. Bruce for filling in for, what's, Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, that's right. Thanks for that three by five.

1:37:12 Drew Just read the material, yeah.

1:37:13 Adam And I want to thank Anderson for doing a fantabulous job. I mean, this guy, he's the glue that holds the show together, the life's blood of the show. Engineer Anderson, he really is the star of this show.

1:37:24 Drew You're building in front of his mom.

1:37:25 Adam His mom's here. I'm scared she's going to try to kick my ass in the parking lot. So until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr., what is it?

1:37:32 Drew Drew.

1:37:32 Adam Drew. San Mahalo. We should score some holes.

1:37:39 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline, Dan Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, January 11, 2001