Episode 1000754887059

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:06 Go!

1:08 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline Coast to Coast.

1:13 Yep, it is Loveline.

1:15 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Fax number, although there's no paper in it. 310-8-54. Broken with no paper. 310-8-54-44-55. Dr. Drew claims to be a board certified physician, an addiction medicine specialist, and tonight, tonight our guest is Traci Lords. Traci, you know from about a thousand things. We all know her humble beginnings, and then into television, and then into movies, features, music, back into television.

1:51 You made a pretty good transition.

1:54 Traci Lords Didn't you say? Yes, definitely.

1:59 Adam I saw your, was it E True Hollywood Story?

2:03 Traci Lords Was it that?

2:04 Was that the one I saw?

2:05 Traci Lords It was their True Hollywood Story.

2:08 It was true it was.

2:11 Did you object to that?

2:12 Adam It all seemed to make perfect sense to me.

2:15 Traci Lords Yeah. If you go around enough, you can adjust to just about anything. But the E True Hollywood Story wasn't exactly.

2:21 Adam It was.

2:21 Traci Lords All that after it.

2:23 Adam Did they come, did they try to come to you first?

2:26 Traci Lords Sure they did. Sure they did. They did. It was not something that I wanted to do. I felt like there was enough stuff out there about me. I'm sure that you felt like that before in your life where you feel like people know enough of your dirty laundry. You don't really want to air it. At that point in life, I really didn't. I was sort of talking about that and the, hey, I was a kid child porn star and I did this and I did that. I just wanted to get on with my life.

2:51 Adam Well, that's why Drew doesn't go to his folks place for Thanksgiving.

2:54 It's just as he said.

2:55 Traci Lords It's an awkward old picture, his baby picture of Dr. Drew.

2:59 Adam A lot of silence, a lot of uncomfortable silence. I just want to move forward with his new family. But anyway, so that was a lot of that stuff inaccurate?

3:11 Traci Lords It just teedled me completely. A lot of my friends called people like Roseanne and Johnny Depp and John Waters, and people who had been contacted to do interviews. They all called me first and said, do you want to, are you cooperating with this? I said no. But then they just, it actually was worse for me because I went and just got a bunch of people that I've never even met that came on and said, hi, I was her boyfriend and I was her best friend. When I'm looking at these idiots that I've never met before that are saying that they knew me so intimately, and more ways than one, and it just was really annoying. I felt I was really insulted by it, and now when I look at it, it makes me laugh because it's just absurd. At the time, I didn't think it was very funny.

3:56 Adam But it's kind of, and I know the wounds are still fresh.

4:01 Traci Lords No, I forgive them. Now, it's just kind of stupid.

4:03 Adam The kind of thing you could pull out of your drawer when you're 85 and take a look at high on a joint, it really freaked out over it.

4:11 Caller Oh, really? Don't you think?

4:13 Traci Lords Well, how about you and your videos? Are you going to pull yours out of your drawer?

4:17 There may be one or two of them.

4:19 Caller I don't think so.

4:23 Adam The point is, in a way, even though it's a little bit of a dubious honor, it is an honor.

4:30 You have to arrive.

4:34 Drew Adam would do anything to have an e-true Hollywood story about him, anything.

4:39 He doesn't care if it's total BS or completely accurate.

4:41 Traci Lords He just wants a story about him.

4:44 I'm working on it.

4:46 Adam I keep wanting to know who I am. But let's talk about the present. Traci is here to plug her new show, which is First Wave, and it's in its third season on the Sci-Fi Channel or network.

4:58 Traci Lords I'm so excited. Monday night.

5:01 Adam Your first season on it.

5:03 Traci Lords Yes.

5:03 Adam You're doing an action thing.

5:05 Traci Lords Well, we premiered last Monday night at 8 o'clock on Sci-Fi Channel. Of course, we'll be on tomorrow night again. And the show is really a great show. It's a one-hour drama and it definitely has a flavor of like Act Files. The creators at Chris Boncato, actually was one of the writers on the Act Files. And I have a great role on it. She's sort of a combination of Lyndall Hamilton, Hamilton meets sort of Mr. Gordon Weaver, the little Laura Croft kind of thrown in there. So she's definitely a tough, sexy action kid.

5:37 Adam So like tight outfits and kicking ass.

5:39 Traci Lords There's some leather and some oozes involved. Yes, I have to tell you.

5:43 Adam Is the sci-fi channel, is this new? I mean, relatively new to them doing productions. I thought they just ran Star Trek and Lost in Space and stuff like that.

5:53 Traci Lords No.

5:54 Adam They have a budget?

5:54 Traci Lords The sci-fi channel, I think, is one of the coolest channels on TV now. I mean, they've got all kinds of original programming that they're doing. They do a lot of those like, they do do things like Star Trek and what have you on there, but they have a couple of new shows that are happening right now, mine being one of them. I love science fiction because the whole thing about it is not bound by reality. It's absolutely anything is possible, the what ifs that are really exciting.

6:26 Adam Drew, do you like science fiction? No, you don't. I don't like science fiction either. Why is that? Because we're so different. We're so depressed. Is that what that is?

6:36 Drew We have no imagination. We have no creativity.

6:39 Adam Right.

6:39 Drew We prefer to watch things about battles in the Second World War and the History Channel.

6:45 Adam Right. We're living in the past. Really? But listen, tomorrow night, I'll check it out at eight o'clock on the Sci-Fi Channel just to move myself up into the future. Yeah, you should just give it a shot. When does it take place?

6:56 Traci Lords Try to expand your mind a little bit there.

6:59 Adam I try that with mushrooms on the weekend.

7:01 Traci Lords Oh, great. That's healthy.

7:03 Adam What year does this take place or do they give the year?

7:05 Traci Lords Present day. It's loosely based on the predictions of Nostradamus. I don't know if you're into any of that trip, but it's a pretty cool show. It's well written. It's got some nice action, some good actors in it. Got three male leads.

7:17 Adam Where do you film it?

7:18 Traci Lords We filmed it in Vancouver. I was living up there for the past like 10 months. I've been back for about four weeks now, and it was a trip living in Canada during the show. I had a great time, became sort of obsessed with ninjutsu, which is ninja street fighting. And Drew and I were talking about that martial arts and karate and kind of kicking butt kind of fun.

7:38 Drew That movie, what's the movie called?

7:39 Traci Lords It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

7:42 Adam Squatting Bear.

7:43 Traci Lords No, I saw it yesterday. It's amazing. That movie is so amazing.

7:47 Adam Yeah, I won't watch it.

7:49 Traci Lords Why?

7:50 Adam I hear it's great. I saw it. I got enough from the commercials. It was enough. I saw the commercial, the chick doing eight backflips and kicking a bunch of ninja ass.

7:59 Traci Lords You don't think women can handle themselves that way or sexy?

8:02 Adam Yeah, I like it. I'm scared of a knee to the groin. That's really the most intimidating thing about a woman.

8:09 Traci Lords You do say it's a fear factor.

8:11 Drew He spends most of his life keeping things away from his groin. Other than his hand.

8:15 Adam Including Drew. All right, let's get to some of these calls. And Traci, you know how the show goes. Just jump in on any or all of them. Jason?

8:23 Hey.

8:24 Adam You're 21. What's up?

8:25 I was wanting to know, first of all, I want to say that, no offense, Dr. Drew, but I think Dr. Spads would have done better on Space Ghost, Coast to Coast.

8:33 Drew Would have done better on Space Ghost?

8:35 Yeah, yeah, I think so.

8:36 Adam Great.

8:37 Why?

8:38 Adam Did they rerun Drew's Space Ghost?

8:40 Yeah, evidently, evidently.

8:41 Just chilling out, watching that.

8:42 Drew That was like two years ago.

8:43 Yeah, very poorly, poorly done. Nonetheless.

8:47 Drew By the way, the way they do that, I mean, you could tell, they film you for like two hours and then they pull out whatever they want. They don't ask you the questions that they, that they have you answering there. They ask real bizarre questions.

8:58 Adam And then they cut it together.

8:58 Drew And then they cut it however they please.

9:00 Adam Jason, what's your question if you're done with the compliments for Drew?

9:04 My question is, how do I tell if a female is faking her orgasm?

9:09 Drew Well, with Jason, I'd imagine they would be.

9:11 Adam Yeah, she breaks up with you eventually, even though she's having six orgasms.

9:16 Traci Lords She calls you the wrong name.

9:18 Adam Jason. Yes. Yeah, she'll end the relationship. Why?

9:24 There's no sign, a signal ahead of time during the act. That way, I could fix it maybe if I'm doing something wrong.

9:29 Adam Well, if they're filing their nails or watching television or something like that, if they do it too early, by the way, and then want you to get off of them, it means they're tired of the sex act.

9:41 Traci Lords It means get off of them.

9:42 Adam Right.

9:44 Drew There is no surefire where that you're going to be able to tell.

9:48 Adam I'm working on a detector right now.

9:49 Drew A little paper that turns colors.

9:53 Adam We hook electrodes up to their nipples and salivary glands. It's still in the blueprint phase.

9:59 Drew That's nice.

10:00 Adam Jason.

10:01 Thanks.

10:01 Adam Yeah, great. He was dynamite. Let's talk to Chad. Chad.

10:08 Hey, what's going on?

10:08 Adam You're 20. What's up?

10:10 Caller I called on Thursday about the bet.

10:13 Adam That's right.

10:13 25 times in 24 hours.

10:14 Adam That's right. Chad's buddies bet him $200. Correct? Yep. That he could not masturbate 25 times in a 24-hour period starting at midnight. I think it was the night he called us.

10:27 Caller Yeah.

10:28 Adam I mapped out a little strategy for Chad. One of my angles was no pornography for the first eight whacks in order to sort of have something to look forward to down the road. Chad, how did it go?

10:42 Caller I actually finished out by 6.30 the next day.

10:45 Drew At 25?

10:46 Caller Yeah.

10:46 Drew Oh my God.

10:47 Adam 6.30 in the evening.

10:48 Caller I slept for seven hours in that period, too.

10:49 Adam 6.30 in the evening. Well, $200. Chad, there may be a career here for you. I mean, it's not the kind of thing you could do every day, but three, four times a week, times $200. I mean, you do the math, and most of that under the table. You don't have to report jacking money. There's no box on the long form for that.

11:14 Caller Yeah. I already have a friend who offered me a grand for $50 in a day.

11:17 Drew Oh my God.

11:18 Adam I see. And did...

11:20 Drew Your soul will come right out of your body.

11:21 Adam Did the guy pay up the $200?

11:23 Caller He's paying me tomorrow.

11:25 Adam I see.

11:26 Traci Lords How do they know that you're not lying?

11:29 We're friends. They took my word for it.

11:30 Adam Yeah. Yes. Would a guy who jacked off $20...

11:33 Traci Lords And why do your friends care?

11:36 I have my friend...

11:37 Drew This is a guy thing.

11:38 Adam You don't know guys. You don't understand this. I would care. I'd be in for a taste of this action.

11:43 Drew It's not an impression. It's about getting your male friends to do ridiculous things.

11:47 Traci Lords It's just this whole sort of homoerotic kind of thing.

11:51 Drew No, no, no. It could be anything. It could be sticking a pin in his eye.

11:53 Adam Yeah. Really? Women have never done this, but guys have.

11:57 Traci Lords No, it's a certain kind of stupidity that women do.

12:00 Drew Yes. No, if you ever want to evidence that women are more evolved, just look at this particular fact.

12:04 Adam Well, first off, guys are into morbid entertainment.

12:06 Drew Absolutely. Especially if you can afflict it on their friends.

12:09 Adam Right. I've sat around with guys many a time. We did this at the Man Show last year. There was a thing of dog kibble. All the writers and me are sitting around. One guy named Josh wants to eat it.

12:21 Drew Wants to eat it?

12:21 Adam No, he doesn't want to eat it. We want him to eat it, but he'll do anything for money.

12:25 Drew That's right.

12:25 Adam So what's one guy doing? He put me in for 20. Another guy says, put me down for 20. I said, put me in for 50. Next thing you know, the pot's up to 130, 140 bucks.

12:33 Drew It's the kibble.

12:34 Adam Josh is eating the kibble.

12:35 Drew And having fun.

12:37 Adam It was the best 50 bucks ever spent. I think I can write it off by the way. Back to the taxes. All right. Bill?

12:45 Yes.

12:45 Adam You're 27.

12:47 Caller 27.

12:47 Adam What's up?

12:48 Caller I had a question. My wife, she's in her last week of chemo and radiation for uterus cancer.

12:55 Drew Wow. How old is she? Was she on estrogens or something?

13:02 Caller No, they got to put her on estrogen.

13:03 Drew No, but it's a young to get uterine cancer. What's the deal there?

13:07 Caller Well, she's never been checked. She never did her yearly check.

13:11 Drew Yeah, but that's usually cervical cancer that they get. Is that what she had, cervical cancer?

13:17 Caller Yeah, that's it, cervical.

13:18 Drew Okay.

13:20 Adam You pre-med, Bill? All right, so what's going on?

13:25 Caller What does that do towards her sexual drive once it's all done? Because they had to dilate her because she got so small during the radiation chemo.

13:35 Drew Oh, man. This is very serious stuff.

13:38 Adam Why do they have to dilate her?

13:39 Drew Because the scarring from the radiation.

13:43 Adam I see.

13:44 Drew It's bad. They did a hysterectomy, too, right? They did a big surgery.

13:48 Caller They won't know for a couple weeks, or six months?

13:52 Drew They won't know what?

13:54 Caller To find out if they're going to do a hysterectomy or not.

13:57 Adam How do you dilate someone's vagina, Drew?

14:00 Caller Well, I had a doctor prescription for sex, but she's too sick for that.

14:05 Adam Bill's taking this off pretty well.

14:07 Drew You understand how serious this is, Bill?

14:08 Adam Hey, Bill, the good news is if something happens to her, you can still get at her for a couple more days before they pick her up. You know what I'm saying?

14:16 Caller No, honestly, the doctor told me if she was up for it, to go for penetration.

14:22 Drew To keep dilating the vagina?

14:24 Caller Yeah, to keep dilating it. She wasn't up for that.

14:26 Drew Okay. Well, certainly she's going to be sick for a while, and that's going to affect her, and the changes in her hormonal levels will need to be adjusted for a while. So there's a lot of things that will affect her sex drive.

14:37 Traci Lords And the last thing she needs is the pressure to have sex.

14:39 Drew Pressure to have sex, and then also the irritation, that whole area is sort of burned by the radiation. A lot of changes she's going to go through.

14:45 Adam They hit the vagina with radiation?

14:47 Drew That whole area, yeah, that's what he's saying. It's where it started shrinking and scarring down.

14:50 Traci Lords What's the laser, right?

14:51 Drew It's radiation.

14:53 Caller Now they put a thing, almost like a dildo in her with electrical cords sticking out of it. That's what she's treatment she's having right now for the last two weeks.

15:03 Adam Yeah.

15:05 Caller They actually radiate it directly.

15:07 Drew Do you know what the chemo is she's on? He didn't know it was a cancer. What am I expecting? Right.

15:12 Caller They had to change the chemo so many times to get it to the right...

15:15 Traci Lords God, buy her some flowers, run a movie and leave the lady alone.

15:18 Drew There you go. Yeah, agreed.

15:20 Adam All right. Bill, I'm with Traci. You go for the oral sex. You hear me? No. Here's the bottom line. Let me tell you something. Women have minds like a killer whale. They never forget. They're an elephant. They won't. You got a couple of weeks, couple of months and depending on how you are with her through this, is how she will look at you and treat you for the rest of your relationship.

15:44 Traci Lords If you don't act right, you are dead, buddy.

15:46 Adam Right. But conversely, if you're sweet as sugar, you're Mr. Helpful, you're Johnny on the spot with the flowers, you're in good shape for the rest of the relationship.

15:56 Drew Here's the other message from this call though, is that this is a common cancer. Young women die this year. She's 28 years old, got cervical cancer, chemo, surgeries. That sounds like the best possible story. It can be a lot worse.

16:11 Adam It's different, again, we're talking about the differences between men and women. If a man is in the hospital because he had some surgery, and a chick tries to kill him while he's in the hospital, he wouldn't really hold it against her.

16:21 Drew He'd forget.

16:22 Adam He'd forget about it. Yeah. It wouldn't be different whether he was in the hospital or out of the hospital.

16:27 Drew More stupid stuff. Just don't worry.

16:29 Adam You'll learn about how stupid guys are. Women say this all the time. He was there for me when, fill in the blank, I had a bad day. Here's a good example. If a woman's parent passes away, you better be there for her or there's going to be trouble. If a guy's parent passes away, you can leave him alone, he will not hold it against you. Do you know what I'm saying? That's how women are. I think it's probably a bit difficult though.

16:57 Traci Lords You don't buy that? No. I don't know.

16:58 Adam Listen, if my dad kicks off, I can just be left alone. I'm fine. I won't hold that against anybody.

17:04 Traci Lords But see, I don't know if I would do that to someone I care about.

17:07 Adam You wouldn't leave him alone. Well, there you go. Well, that's why-

17:08 Traci Lords If he needed his space and his time, cool.

17:10 Adam That's why you would hold it against them if they weren't there for you, because you would have done it for them.

17:15 Traci Lords I don't think I would surround myself with someone that would be that.

17:19 Drew No males in Traci's life, which is what she's telling me.

17:21 Adam I see.

17:21 Caller All right.

17:21 Traci Lords That's not true.

17:22 Adam You're done with guys?

17:23 Traci Lords Oh, absolutely not.

17:25 Adam Ryan?

17:26 Caller Yeah.

17:27 Traci Lords You're 25. Except for a guy's name, Ryan.

17:29 Adam You're 25. What's up?

17:32 Caller Hey, Adam here, stud dude.

17:34 Adam Well, thank you.

17:34 Caller Hey, bud.

17:35 Adam Hey, speaking of me being a stud, the man show is on right now, Comedy Central.

17:40 Caller Is it really?

17:40 Adam Yes. I watched it on the satellite tonight. Excellent.

17:45 Traci Lords Isn't that the one with the pies involved?

17:48 Adam The pies?

17:48 Traci Lords Yeah, pies and girls and wet t-shirts and things. Is that the man show?

17:53 Adam Trampolines and girls.

17:54 Traci Lords Okay. Got it.

17:55 Adam Ryan, go ahead.

17:57 Caller I had a question for Dr. Drew.

17:58 Drew Yeah.

17:59 Caller Have you heard of the herbal drug Longitude?

18:01 Drew No.

18:03 Caller No?

18:03 Drew But yet another supplement was found tonight to have, not tonight, but this week. An article published in the New England Journal shows a very dangerous effect of a relative of GHB that was being marketed as something that gives you longevity. There simply is no free lunch with Mother Nature. You take something that is an extra-physiologic effect on the body, there will be a consequence, and it rarely is good. I don't know what this is, what's in it?

18:29 Adam It sounds like something for your penis. Is it something for your penis?

18:33 Yes it is.

18:34 Adam Better, go ahead.

18:37 Caller I'll tell you what it's supposed to do and then I'll tell you what's in it. It's supposed to increase length and girth by 26 percent, like three months.

18:44 Drew This is what men preoccupy about.

18:46 Right.

18:47 Drew Is there not?

18:48 Adam You said it away for it, it's a Jim Towner Rolla duct tape.

18:51 Drew It was better when they worried about conquering huns and things.

18:55 Adam Right.

18:55 Drew Yeah. At least they were sort of directed them.

18:58 Adam I think they wanted to conquer the huns so they could get at their herbal penis stash though.

19:02 Drew The rhino horn.

19:04 Right.

19:05 Adam Yeah, 26 percent longer. So if you had a six inch penis, you could add over two inches to the length.

19:12 Caller That's what they're saying. Oh, please.

19:14 Adam Or actually a little under two inches and then plenty to the width, too, huh?

19:18 Drew Yeah. And what's in it?

19:21 Caller I can't pronounce a lot of this stuff, but like zinc.

19:24 Drew Oh, that'll do it.

19:26 Caller Maca, ketubah, oyster meat.

19:30 Adam Great.

19:31 Caller Argin, oat straw.

19:32 Drew Just for laughs, how much did you pay for this?

19:34 Caller No, I haven't bought it yet.

19:35 Drew How much do they want for it?

19:36 Caller Sixty bucks.

19:38 Drew For how many pills?

19:39 Caller It's a month's supply to a day.

19:41 Adam I see. And how long is this supposed to take?

19:44 Caller It says, that's the thing I'm not believing, it says three months.

19:46 Drew We're in the wrong business, Adam. If it could grow hair and grow penis, that's it.

19:52 Caller You can just stop taking it, it'll stay there.

19:55 Adam I see.

19:56 Caller It's claiming to increase the size of the chambers.

20:00 Adam Right.

20:01 Traci Lords But if it had any way, shape, and form, this actually worked, don't you think everyone would already know about it?

20:08 Drew And that would be more than 60 bucks.

20:09 Traci Lords Adam would be at home popping pills.

20:13 Caller Yeah.

20:14 Traci Lords On the hour, right?

20:15 Drew On the roof?

20:16 Adam Yeah.

20:17 Caller So I could show the neighbors.

20:20 Adam I see. Everyone, there's a new addition to my underpants. My penis, I found it. I'm free. Be like Tommy when he could see and hear again. Nice. I'd be running down the streets singing, people would be following me. Hi, Ryan. Hey, Ryan, you're 25. What's going wrong with your life, that you're popping Herbal Johnson and Larger?

20:43 Caller I just thought, man, that's pretty cool.

20:45 Adam Where did you see it?

20:46 Caller They sent me a-

20:47 Adam McCall's Red Book, which one?

20:49 Drew Family Circle?

20:50 Caller Something in the mail.

20:51 Adam I see.

20:52 Drew But the point is that you seem a little bit more preoccupied about this kind of thing than you should be, and that usually leads us to believe that there's something else going on with you.

21:00 Traci Lords Some sort of a small penis complex is happening.

21:03 Drew The guys that are focused on the penis have no esteem, and usually that esteem lack is a lack of worth in what they're doing in life.

21:11 Adam How's everything going there, Ryan?

21:13 Caller Good, actually.

21:14 Adam All right. Everything's fine but your penis?

21:15 Caller Yeah, it's great. Works good.

21:17 Drew What do you do for a living?

21:18 Caller What's that?

21:18 Drew What do you do for a living?

21:20 Caller I'm in business.

21:21 Adam I see.

21:22 Drew What do you do for a living?

21:23 Adam You guys deal in commerce?

21:25 Drew What do you do?

21:27 Caller I'm a buyer for a company. I buy a product. I try to get the cheapest rate I possibly can.

21:32 Drew Cardboard?

21:32 Adam The company then sells it?

21:34 Caller What's that?

21:35 Adam I see. All right. You know, it's funny. We don't deal in specifics. When it comes to jobs on the show, we deal in elements. You know what I mean? What do you do? I purchase things and then I sell them at a profit. Ah, I see. I see. It's a free trade system you're talking about. Is it not?

21:52 Drew A unique approach to business.

21:54 Adam All right. Francesca.

21:56 Yeah?

21:57 Adam You're 14. What's up?

21:59 Caller Okay. Well, every time that I orgasm, I get these blackouts. And I was wondering, is that normal or what is that?

22:09 Adam Are you pulling your skirt up over your head?

22:11 Drew Hang on. Should we talk about this after the break?

22:14 Adam Let's stop playing a hunch there. Yeah. All right. Francesca.

22:17 Caller Yeah.

22:18 Adam Hang on. Because Drew has a good answer to this.

22:20 Caller Okay.

22:21 Adam One I've heard many, many, many times. I'll be in the bathroom when he delivers it. But it's important for you to hear. Traci Lords is our guest tonight. She is on the Sci-Fi Channel Monday nights at 8 o'clock. First Wave is the name of the show. Man Show is the name of my show on Comedy Central. And we'll take a break.

22:39 Caller Loveline. Loveline. We'll be right back.

23:15 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That'd be Dr. Drew over there. Traci Lords is our guest tonight. She is here pimping her new show, her new show, which is First Wave. It's actually, it's on its third season, Monday nights, tomorrow night, or it could be tonight, if you're hearing the show in a one day delay, although if it's tonight, it's too late.

23:36 Drew All right, all right, I'm already confused.

23:38 Adam I'm doing the math. Monday nights, 8 o'clock, sci-fi channel. When we left off, we're going to speak to Francesca. She's 14, blacks out during orgasms. Francesca?

23:47 Caller Yeah.

23:48 Drew Are these with someone else?

23:50 Caller Sometimes.

23:51 Drew Do you hyperventilate when this happens? Breathing real heavily?

23:55 Caller I don't like hyperventilate. It just like totally just blacks out.

24:00 Drew Yeah. I understand you black out, but I'm trying to figure out sort of what it's associated with. Are you completely unconscious? Or does your vision just go dark?

24:08 Caller Yeah.

24:09 Drew Your vision darkens?

24:10 Caller Yeah.

24:10 Drew Do you lose control of your body or anything like that?

24:13 Caller Not really, no.

24:14 Drew How long does it last?

24:17 Caller Like up to like 45 seconds to a minute.

24:20 Drew Do you have tingling around your fingers or feet or around your mouth? Anything like that?

24:24 Caller Uh-uh.

24:26 Drew Well, first of all, 14 and having sex and all this already suggests something's going on here, right? Wouldn't you say?

24:32 Adam Yeah. And how old's the guy?

24:35 Caller My age.

24:36 Drew Another 14 year old. Yes?

24:39 Caller Yeah.

24:40 Drew Well, given that I can't get my head around this beyond what you're telling us, I mean, I would think hyperventilation would be the most common reason for this kind of thing.

24:47 Adam Well, then we've talked about this before where people have a blackout, not so much that they pass out, but that something constricts vessels in their eyes or something and it goes dark, isn't that what she's talking about? Were we talking about that on the TV show a few years back? I know we got a call about that.

25:04 Drew I remember headaches, and I remember vision problems with headaches, which is a vascular thing. But darkening of vision is usually low blood pressure, hyperventilation, that kind of thing. And it warrants evaluation. I mean, you should go see a doctor and talk about it. You really should.

25:18 Adam What position are you in?

25:20 Caller Just laying down.

25:22 Adam I see. Trying to get some sleep like most of my dates before you know it. It's over.

25:27 Drew She just falls asleep. Maybe it is one of your dates.

25:28 Adam Yeah, maybe you're dozing off. Maybe you're with one of my younger cousins.

25:32 Drew Is this with the same guy, Francesca?

25:34 Caller Um, yeah.

25:36 Traci Lords Are there any drugs involved in that?

25:38 Caller Good question. No.

25:39 Drew No?

25:41 Adam No.

25:41 Drew She kind of hesitates on that one.

25:42 Adam She hesitates on every question we ask her.

25:45 Caller No, I don't.

25:46 Adam Well, she was fast with that one. Francesca, maybe... Do you think she needs to go to get a CAT scan or something?

25:52 Traci Lords Can you talk to your parents? Are you close to your parents? Can you talk to your mom about this?

25:56 No.

25:57 Traci Lords You don't feel comfortable talking to her about it?

25:59 No.

26:00 Drew She needs a basic medical evaluation. You really do.

26:02 Traci Lords Do you have a counselor at school you can talk to or a nurse at school you can talk to?

26:06 Yeah.

26:06 Drew There you go.

26:07 Traci Lords That's what she should do. Maybe just make an appointment and, you know, it's confidential so you don't have to be afraid of that. But you should definitely talk to someone about it.

26:14 Caller Okay. Okay. Adam.

26:16 Adam Yeah.

26:17 Caller Like my friend, she's on the line too. She has a question for you.

26:20 Adam Yeah.

26:21 Caller Okay.

26:22 I can never seem to get off when I masturbate.

26:25 Adam I see.

26:25 Drew You're 14 also?

26:26 Caller Yeah.

26:27 Adam That's for me. All right. I don't know. I don't feel comfortable telling 14-year-olds what to put in them. You know what?

26:35 Traci Lords You have so much time.

26:37 Drew Real life, yeah.

26:38 Traci Lords You're 14 years old and it's so natural to be curious about sex, especially when you're that young. Everybody is, but it's no big rush. It's not like I've got to do this now. I've got to figure guys out. I have to do all this stuff. Take your time. The thing that I think that kids-

26:56 Adam This is from Traci Lords, by the way.

26:58 Caller Because I know-

26:58 Adam Slow down. Slow down. Don't do a movie until you're 15.

27:02 Caller No.

27:02 Traci Lords The great thing about being young is being young. You grow up so fast. Take your time.

27:08 Drew Yeah. Look, it's great that you're exploring. It's great that you're experimenting. But again, your body will start to make more sense as time goes along. You need to master more than just the mechanics in order to have that function.

27:19 Adam Michael?

27:20 Caller Yeah.

27:21 Adam You're 14.

27:21 Caller Yeah.

27:22 Adam What's up?

27:23 Caller I have a pretty manipulative girlfriend that I think she tricked me into taking ortho-tricyclone.

27:28 Drew How did she manage that?

27:30 Adam That's birth control.

27:31 Caller She said she had, well, yeah.

27:33 Adam Nice.

27:33 Caller She said she had chlamydia.

27:35 Drew Yeah.

27:35 Caller And she gave me these little pills and said, oh, just take one of these every day. She gave me four of them, by the way.

27:44 Traci Lords Why in the world would you take a pill someone gave you every day without knowing what it is? There's mistake A. Never take a drug that you don't know what it is.

27:53 Adam Right. Now he's got spotting, he's bloated, he's prone to mood swings. He polished off a half gallon of Haugandoss and cried watching Mama's Family.

28:04 Drew Michael, what do the pills look like?

28:05 Caller They were green. It said ortho on it. Oh, well.

28:09 Drew Why would she have done that?

28:11 Caller I don't know.

28:12 She was saying, I'm like, oh, ortho tricycline, it makes you grow bigger.

28:15 Caller I'm like, okay.

28:17 Adam His phone line is killing me. Isn't there a drug company that says called ortho?

28:21 Drew Yeah.

28:22 Adam And wouldn't they print ortho on many of their pills or just ortho tricycling?

28:28 Drew It's a pill company. It's a birth control pill company.

28:31 Adam That's all they do?

28:32 Drew Yeah.

28:32 Adam But they also make mattresses though, right?

28:34 Drew Yeah, they do. It says ortho on the mattress too.

28:36 Adam Okay, but don't eat those.

28:37 Drew You understand the association there, yes?

28:39 Adam Don't eat those. That's cross promotion.

28:42 Traci Lords Yeah, and you might want to really kind of think about who you're hanging out with because that's not good.

28:47 Drew That's wild, yeah.

28:48 Traci Lords That's really not good.

28:49 Adam But listen, as a 14-year-old guy for girl hands you something you put it in your mouth. Oh, come on.

28:53 Drew It's pretty diabolical. Because listen, one of the things that would cause someone to give you a medicine is if you have an infection. The doctor will give you a prescription for your partner.

29:03 Adam He will?

29:04 Drew Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do.

29:06 Adam Well, maybe it is.

29:07 Drew It should say it on the bottle, though. You should be able to read that. And most of those are either capsules or long pills, so.

29:12 Adam Jade?

29:13 Yes?

29:14 Adam You're 21. What's up?

29:16 Caller Yeah, I have a question for Traci, actually. I was watching Moral Court this week, and Ron Jeremy was on. Oh.

29:23 Adam Moral Court?

29:24 Traci Lords What's Moral Court?

29:25 Caller Yes, he was the accuser.

29:26 Drew What's Moral Court?

29:28 Caller Well, it's a show that's a new kind of court show. Where, instead of having an actual case, people go on and challenge their family members and say, oh, well.

29:36 Traci Lords Sounds like Jerry Springer of the Justice Department, right?

29:40 Caller Pretty much. Kind of a combo of that.

29:42 Adam Ron's family is suing him?

29:45 Caller No, he was the accuser.

29:46 Traci Lords He's been taking those herbal drugs.

29:47 Adam They're Jewish, and it's like, boy, you've run such a shame.

29:52 Drew They're Korean.

29:53 Adam All right, so...

29:54 Caller No, not at all. I was very surprised. First, when I saw him, I was most surprised.

30:00 Adam Anyway, so Ron Jeremy was on moral court.

30:03 Caller Yeah, and he was challenging a man who owns a brothel in Nevada and saying that porn is more moral than being a prostitute, because being a prostitute is just sex for money, whereas being...

30:17 Traci Lords Porn is art, right? Uh-huh, yeah, right.

30:20 Caller Porn is more of a career decision, is better for one's career. And he actually stated you, Traci, as a defense.

30:30 Traci Lords Oh, really?

30:32 Caller Like you have used porn as like a gateway for their career.

30:36 Traci Lords Oh, please. Everybody knows I was 14, 15, 16. I was a teenager that was on drugs and ended up in a, you know, seedy world. It certainly was no platform, trust me.

30:47 Adam Did you ever have any contact with any of those people? Ron Jeremy's? No. Or Randy Westis's?

30:54 Traci Lords No.

30:54 Adam Or anything like that? How do you pluralize Wes? Wests?

30:59 Drew Westis.

31:00 Adam Westis?

31:01 Traci Lords Westis's.

31:01 Adam No. Do you have animosity toward them?

31:05 Traci Lords I just, I find it really despicable when people will, you know, use me as some sort of a statement on why that's good. I mean, I think that I'm not some big, like, anti-porn person. You shouldn't go watch porn. You shouldn't do porn, blah, blah, blah. But I'll tell you, I am against child pornography. And that is what we're talking about when you talk about me being in porn.

31:29 I was a kid.

31:30 Traci Lords It wasn't, you know, a conscious adult decision. It was something that I did when I was young. It was a mistake. That is how I see it.

31:36 Adam And how do you think it affected your acting career? Your music career or any career after that?

31:41 Traci Lords It made it nearly impossible for me to have one. I was relentless and I worked really, really hard. And it was something that I've been successful in spite of, not because of. It certainly has not helped me.

31:54 Adam Right. Same with Drew, by the way. But he's overcome it. Keith?

31:58 Traci Lords Yeah.

31:59 Adam You're 18. What's up?

32:01 Caller My fiance is really tight.

32:05 Caller And when after the intercourse, it burns.

32:10 Drew It burns when you pee? It burns when you pee?

32:13 Caller No, it burns for her.

32:14 Drew Oh, she burns.

32:15 Adam She's tight.

32:16 Caller Yeah.

32:16 Drew She burns when she pees. Or is just her vagina burns?

32:19 Her vagina burns.

32:19 Drew I see. Does there pain during intercourse also?

32:22 Sometimes.

32:23 More after.

32:25 Drew Is there a lubrication problem?

32:27 No, we use baby oil.

32:29 Drew Oh, why don't you cut that out for one. My God.

32:32 Adam Yeah, move to a good 30 weight. That's petroleum based, right?

32:37 Drew Are you using condoms? No. All right, well, use a water base like KY or some of these, anything, not baby. That may be the whole problem. The reason she's tight is she may be so anxious about hurting that her muscles constrict.

32:51 Adam Yeah, baby oil has like scent and all kinds of stuff in it. Right?

32:56 Drew Absolutely.

32:57 Adam Hey, Keith, what's up with you? Using baby oil?

33:02 Drew Why engage at 18?

33:03 Caller She didn't use baby oil before and it didn't hurt.

33:06 Drew It still hurt.

33:08 Adam All right, but maybe you should step up to a nice KY or water-soluble lube first. And then after that, it's just about relaxation. You got to get her drunk, right, Drew? Hey, Keith, isn't it a little early for you kids to be getting hitched?

33:24 Drew 18?

33:27 No, I don't think so.

33:28 Adam Okay. You sound like you got the world by the tail. What do you do for a living?

33:34 Caller Well, I just moved from Jersey, so we're on our own.

33:39 We don't really have much right now.

33:40 Drew Nothing. He does nothing. He moved from Jersey. That's his job.

33:43 Adam Well, if you move, you can't be employed for at least a four-year period. How's that work?

33:48 Traci Lords Why do you feel like you have to get married right now? Why do you want to get married?

33:53 Caller Because it's right.

33:54 Traci Lords Because it's right. What do you mean it's right? Are you afraid of losing her?

33:57 No.

33:59 Adam Okay. Hey, listen, here's the reason, really quite honestly, I don't want you to get married. Because if you two want to just get married and live together in your own cesspit, that's fine. Your old baby-oiled, slicked cesspit. But, I'm scared that gives you green light to have kids.

34:15 Caller Oh, no.

34:15 Caller We don't want to have kids.

34:16 Adam You don't want to have kids.

34:17 Drew What are you doing for birth control now?

34:19 Caller Um, nothing.

34:21 Drew Yeah. Okay. Well, hmm.

34:23 Adam Come on, genius. You don't want to plot your life out a little better than that?

34:28 Drew You don't want to have kids, yet you're having sex without contraception, so you're going to have kids.

34:33 Caller Okay.

34:34 Adam And you don't have a job?

34:36 Caller No.

34:36 Adam You understand? Just slow down a little, would you, champ?

34:39 Caller All right.

34:40 Adam All right. And cut the back half of that mullet off, would you? It's going to help you get a good job. Okay. All right. Let's smell mullet on that kid. Jersey, 18, no job, that's mullet right there. Jesus Christ. Listen, if you're getting married, first off, you're 18, you're banging your wife every 10 minutes, and you don't use birth control, what are the chances you're going to be a dad before your 19th birthday?

35:08 Drew I was hearing more clean shaven than mullet.

35:11 Adam Now clean on the side, long on the back. That's a Jersey thing.

35:15 Drew But how about those Giants today?

35:17 Adam Jesus Christ.

35:17 Drew Is that nuts?

35:18 Adam Yeah, Traci, I know you're a big football fan. But I mean, I would have bet the farm that the Vikings would have won that game. Yeah, they just walked all over them. I can't figure out these playoffs for the life of me.

35:30 Drew Did you see the beginning of the Vikings game?

35:36 Adam Yeah.

35:36 Drew There was 21-0 before the two minutes were up.

35:38 Adam Yeah, I got up, took a leak, came back in, the game was over. It was a complete blowout. It might be a good...

35:45 Drew It'll be an interesting one, a fun one, no matter what.

35:47 Adam Yeah, Dr. Bruce came by, played basketball with us today, by the way. Sarah?

35:52 Caller Yeah.

35:52 Drew Are you trying to make me feel guilty for not spending more time with you?

35:54 Adam You think he's bad on the radio? You ought to see him on the court. Sarah, you're 15, what's up?

35:59 Caller Well, I have a problem with, like, every time that I like a guy, one of two things will happen. Either he won't like me back and I'll like him, like, I won't stop liking him, or he'll like me back and then after a couple weeks, I'll totally lose interest in him.

36:13 Drew Well, that's what guys do, and the women did this too.

36:15 Caller I know, that's what everyone says.

36:16 Traci Lords So, what you're really talking about is conquest.

36:19 Adam Yeah, but you're 15.

36:21 Drew This is clinging, this is clinging.

36:23 Adam I mean, I don't want to dismiss your problems, but this is not a real problem at 15.

36:28 Traci Lords But at 15, you think it is.

36:29 Adam Well, that's true.

36:30 Drew And it's painful at that age too.

36:31 Traci Lords Yeah, exactly.

36:32 Drew And as a harbinger for what's to come, look what you've turned into, you see.

36:36 Adam When did this turn toward me all of a sudden?

36:38 Drew Because this was stuff you did when you were in junior high school, right?

36:41 Adam I think Traci may be strangely attracted to me in her own way. You're not repulsed by me.

36:47 Traci Lords You are pretty adorable, I have to tell you.

36:49 Adam Thank you.

36:50 Traci Lords But this 15-year-old on the phone needs a better answer.

36:53 Adam I was just trying to save a little face there. So, Sarah, give us an example of the last guy you liked. What did he do?

37:01 Caller This one guy, the last one I liked, I was like, oh, you know, this is going to work. And he asked me out and I was really happy with him. And then two weeks later, I was like, oh God, he's getting on my nerves. I have to get rid of him.

37:13 Adam So you like them in the first place?

37:15 Caller Yes.

37:16 Adam I see. All right. And was he your age?

37:20 Caller He was two years older.

37:22 Adam He got any nerves you got rid of him?

37:24 Caller Yes.

37:24 Adam Where's your dad?

37:26 Caller I live with my dad.

37:27 Adam You love him?

37:27 Drew Where's your mom?

37:28 Caller My mom, I don't live with her anymore.

37:32 Drew What's the deal with her?

37:33 Caller Well, like, because I got taken away from her house.

37:37 Drew Why?

37:38 Caller She got arrested for a drug problem.

37:41 Drew Okay. So here we go. So intimacy, close relationships, they are painful to you. So they seem overwhelming, dangerous, threatening to get involved with someone who actually reciprocated your feelings. On the other hand, somebody who is not reciprocating is someone you can long for and strive for and just get stuck in that striving phase.

38:02 Adam It's like my relationship with Adrian Barbeau.

38:04 Drew Right, which you're still in. Oh, yeah.

38:06 Adam I've not given up.

38:07 Drew You might try a little allotine or maybe talk about maybe school counselor therapy, that kind of thing, go a long way to helping you make better choices in your relationship.

38:14 Caller Yeah, because I wasn't therapy, but it wasn't helping.

38:16 Drew Well, get back to that. The fact that you have access to that's great.

38:20 Adam Yeah, it couldn't hurt. And Sarah, seeing how you've been through what you've been through and you're only 15, maybe it's all right for you to be on your own for a little while. Do your therapy, do your work, that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? I know it doesn't sound glamorous, but...

38:36 Caller Well, yeah.

38:37 Adam What's up with your mom now? She...

38:39 Caller I still visit her and she's doing better now because she went to rehab and everything, but yeah.

38:45 Adam Okay. That's a big issue, though, and it's something you've got to deal with in therapy, all right?

38:50 Caller Okay.

38:50 Drew Good luck.

38:51 Adam All right, Sarah.

38:51 Drew We're allateen. Allateen's another choice.

38:54 Adam Traci Lords is our guest tonight. We will take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Chris, whose 15 girlfriend is 13 and is pregnant. Oh. Let's know if she's too young to have an abortion.

39:06 Caller Oh, God.

39:07 Adam All after that.

39:11 Caller LoveLine, we'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:44 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is my partner in America's Doctor, Dr. Drew, board certified and ready for you. Oh, I'm going to write that down.

39:56 You got a little problem with me tonight.

39:58 Drew What's going on?

39:59 Adam What's that?

39:59 Drew Why am I ill? Because I'll come to your house to play basketball. I think it must trigger the memory of me showing up too early for your party.

40:06 Adam You are so full of ass. That's what I love. Drew.

40:11 Drew No, I'd cop to it if I really made a mistake or something.

40:13 Traci Lords The love between you is overwhelming.

40:15 Drew I really thought that it-

40:16 Adam No, you did not.

40:17 Drew Yes, I did.

40:18 Adam Then you're an idiot.

40:19 Drew Well, that may be.

40:20 Adam So you're either a liar or an idiot.

40:22 Drew I'd rather be an idiot.

40:23 Adam Really?

40:24 Drew Yes.

40:24 Adam I'd rather be a liar than an idiot. Lying, you can stop. Idiot, that's a way of life.

40:29 Drew You can prove that.

40:30 Adam Dr. Drew, here's what we're talking about. I had a New Year's Eve party and Dr. Drew swung by. I invited Dr. Drew and his wife. It's New Year's. It's black tie, blah, blah, blah.

40:41 Drew Nobody ever told me black tie, by the way.

40:42 Adam Well, your wife got an invite. The point is, is Drew swung by about 5, 4.30.

40:47 Drew 5.30.

40:48 Adam 5.30. At 4.30 in the afternoon, he swings by in a pair of his dockers with a couple of his buddies and minus his wife, and is surprised to see the party is not in full swing. The New Year's Eve party at 4 in the afternoon.

41:04 Drew Set the scene. This is a house he's been working on all year just for this party. I figured he and his beer drinking buddy would start at the poolside around noontime.

41:11 Adam Poolside in January?

41:13 Drew Building up to this party. That was the thinking.

41:16 Adam Listen, Drew, you knew full well there was not going to be a New Year's Eve party that was going at 4 in the afternoon. Yes, yes. And you came by so that you could say you made an appearance and I said, Drew, go get your wife, go put your nice duds on and come back in about five hours.

41:33 Drew I didn't even get the night before.

41:34 Adam And he never came back. Never came back. So his thing to me is I came by the party and my thing is you poked your head in to pretend like you're coming by so you could leave and never come back.

41:45 Drew Here's the other thing you know is because we take the kids to the parade at five o'clock in the morning, we have not seen a New Year's midnight in eight years.

41:52 Adam Leave those kids alone. You're too good to them. Do you understand? Traci, if you had a New Year's Eve party and you invited one of your best friends.

42:04 Traci Lords He does have kind of have you there, Drew, but you know.

42:07 Adam He was in the neighborhood. He swung by, said hi and left.

42:10 Traci Lords Maybe he was just afraid of what you were going to be like around midnight.

42:12 Adam Drew, what if there was a party? How long would you have stayed? 20, 25 minutes?

42:18 Drew I was planning to stay an hour, hour and a half.

42:20 Adam An hour. You're going to stay at the New Year's party from four till five, and then as the streetlights start to come on. Get out of here.

42:27 Drew I went to bed.

42:27 Adam Get out of here. Figuratively, get out of here.

42:30 Drew What time did I go to bed?

42:33 Adam Listen, now you're bragging about going to bed on New Year's Eve at 7.45?

42:36 Caller Yeah.

42:37 Drew That's the point.

42:38 Adam Stop bragging about.

42:39 Traci Lords You guys act like an old married couple.

42:41 Adam He's old.

42:41 Traci Lords Just say you're sorry. Get it over with.

42:43 Adam That's right. Chris?

42:46 Yeah.

42:46 Adam You're 15 now. You think your girlfriend's pregnant?

42:50 Caller I'm not sure, but she claimed she is.

42:52 Adam She's 13.

42:53 Caller Yeah.

42:54 Traci Lords Has she taken a pregnancy test?

42:57 Caller I don't know. She just told me last week.

42:59 Traci Lords What did she tell you?

43:01 Caller I think I'm pregnant or I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant.

43:03 Traci Lords So she said her period was late or?

43:05 Caller She didn't even ask. I was too nervous.

43:08 Drew Why don't you get her one of those over-the-counter pregnancy tests and find out what it is.

43:12 Caller She says she's sure she is. I don't know what that means.

43:13 Drew Well, why don't you just assure yourself that that's in fact the case and get a pregnancy test?

43:18 Adam You having a lot of unprotected sex with her?

43:20 Traci Lords Buy it at a new drug store. Cost you $20.

43:23 Drew What is she planning to do?

43:24 Adam Well, let's just assume she's pregnant, she says she is and he has unprotected sex with her.

43:28 Drew What's her plan?

43:29 Caller The main thing, well we both know that she can't have the kid because both of our parents would flip out and get really mad. So she's saying that she wants to have an abortion or something like that. But I was wondering if...

43:42 Drew Or something like that? What are the other somethings?

43:44 Adam Partial abortion. It's like an arm and a leg.

43:47 Drew Just leave something behind, some latest way to grow a kid.

43:49 Adam They leave the head and torso, they take the lower half. It's not as traumatizing to the child that way.

43:54 Caller I see.

43:56 Adam One nostril, one ear, that kind of stuff.

43:58 Drew Nice.

44:00 Caller So I was thinking, is it dangerous for her to have it because she's so young?

44:04 Drew No, that does not...

44:06 Traci Lords It's certainly traumatic.

44:07 Drew Yeah, it's traumatizing for her. It would be nice to have her family involved, but she's going to make that kind of choice.

44:12 Adam Yeah, well, I think that's the whole point.

44:13 Traci Lords Do your parents know, I mean, that you guys are intimate with one another?

44:16 Caller No, they know that we've been together for a long time, but they don't know that we've been doing that kind of stuff.

44:21 Adam You're 15. Would you start dating when she was 9 or 11?

44:26 Caller Well, she's turning 14 next month, so we've been together for about 6 months.

44:30 Adam I see.

44:31 Drew All right. Chris, I'm still not clear. What are you going to do with this? What's the plan?

44:35 Caller She's going to have an abortion no matter what, but I need something to convince her. I suggest you tell your parents to go somewhere safe, because she's saying that she cannot tell her parents, but she says her friends told her that there's places where they do it without parent signature.

44:50 Drew Yes, that's true. There are lots of places like that.

44:52 Caller But I'm sure that it's not safe.

44:54 Drew No, that's not true at all. That she has a right to... I'm not sure what the cutoff is in California. I think that's where you're calling from. I was just looking at New York. Any age is considered an age for confidential health care, reproductive health care. So if she wants pregnancy health care, if she wants abortion, if she wants birth control, STD treatment, that... I need to be asking this whole thing.

45:15 Adam Is he, really?

45:15 Drew Yeah. Oh, all right. But be that as it may, any age can get that and can get it without parental consent. Although it's best if the parents are involved.

45:24 Adam Well, what do you do? Just go to Planned Parenthood?

45:26 Drew Start a Planned Parenthood. Yeah.

45:28 Adam Well, it seems like... I don't know. I mean, how old... when can you get pregnant? You get pregnant at 12, 13?

45:36 Drew Yep.

45:37 Adam 12?

45:38 Drew You can.

45:38 Adam I'm going to test that theory out on the ride home tonight. You want to come with me?

45:43 Caller Yeah, a little old for you.

45:45 Adam No, no, we got to round up some 12-year-olds.

45:47 Drew I see.

45:47 Adam It's a medical experience. Ladies, yes, here's some good and plenty. Now listen, I'm conducting an experiment. Hold still. All right, stop crying. Here's some more candy. Nice. All right, it's just an experiment, just so I can tell definitively.

46:02 Traci Lords I'm going to beat you senseless.

46:03 Adam All right.

46:04 Drew Pepper.

46:04 Adam So be it. Pepper, you're 16.

46:07 Caller Hi, I'm a frequent masturbator and I pee when I orgasm, and I want to know how to do that.

46:13 Drew We got to go to break. All right.

46:14 Caller Okay.

46:15 Adam Hey, Pepper.

46:16 Caller Uh-huh.

46:16 Adam Try not to pepper your sheets with any urine while we're gone, all right?

46:21 Caller Okay.

46:21 Adam How often do you masturbate?

46:23 Caller Three or four times a day or whenever I feel stressed.

46:26 Drew All right. Hold on a second.

46:27 Adam It's a lot of cleanup. Yeah. I didn't know what stress, I didn't even think I know what the word stress was when I was 16.

46:34 Drew No, I wasn't thrown away.

46:35 Adam You were either like PO'd or you were napping or you were happy or stoned, but like stressed wasn't, that was like an old, you know what got stressed? The boss from WKRP in Cincinnati.

46:45 Drew The bloated guy with the red face.

46:46 Adam Yeah, big white guy with sideburns. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. Traci Lords is here and we'll talk to Pepper, the urinating Wonder Queen after this.

46:57 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:40 Adam Yep, Loveline is the show. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Traci Lords is our guest tonight. First Wave is the name of her latest venture, which is on the Sci-Fi channel. Eight o'clock Monday nights. She's gonna be clad in tight fitting outfits and kicking some ass, doing a little-

48:01 Traci Lords That image has sort of stayed with you, hasn't it?

48:03 Adam Little Tai Chi, firing off some weapons, that kind of thing. Saving the world, basically.

48:07 Traci Lords Basically. It's been my mission for quite some time now.

48:10 Adam There's a lot of shows and a lot of movies where there's a handful of people saving the world and the rest of the world doesn't seem to know about it. I'm wondering if that's going on right now. We're just not aware of it.

48:19 Drew That's the whole point.

48:20 Traci Lords Absolutely.

48:21 Drew There's a whole underground world, several cities there.

48:23 Adam You think somewhere there's like some five-guy team with the Asian computer hacker, the demolition guy, the knife thrower.

48:30 Drew There's the X-File group.

48:31 Adam Right.

48:32 Drew There's the Femna Keta group.

48:34 Adam Oh, yeah.

48:35 Drew There's the, what else, the underground world is there.

48:38 Adam Oh, they're all out there. There's the Dark Angel and the First Wave. They're repelling and thwarting crime. And not only crime, but crimes against humanity. They're going to take over the world.

48:50 Caller Oh, yes.

48:51 Traci Lords Somebody's got to do it. It's a nasty job.

48:53 Adam Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm watching scrambled porn, having at myself, drinking red wine and passing out. And I like it that way, by the way. Anyone listening, by the way, who's currently engaged in saving the world, tip of the hat to you. Keep going. Peter, or I mean Pepper. Yes. So you urinate when you orgasm. Mm-hmm. And you masturbate at least, or up to three times a day. Relieves stress. And I started doing that too, by the way, to relieve stress. And then the stress of masturbating 10 times a day got to be too much. I had to do it again. And do you have a boyfriend?

49:34 I just broke up.

49:35 Adam I see. And how old was he?

49:38 Caller 18.

49:39 Adam All right. And did you wet yourself when you were with him?

49:43 Caller Um, yeah.

49:45 Adam You did? That's why he dumped you?

49:48 Caller No.

49:48 Adam No.

49:49 Drew What's the question?

49:50 Caller Um, hold on one second.

49:54 Drew Dad's...

49:55 What?

49:56 Daniel wants...

49:57 Caller What? I will. I'll clean the room. Don't worry about it. I... It does not smell.

50:04 Drew You know, I have to keep a weapon.

50:05 Caller No, it doesn't, Mom.

50:06 Drew It smells like what?

50:07 Adam Pepper, she... I can smell it from here. She's right.

50:11 Caller No.

50:11 Drew I think I'm going to have to keep a weapon handy to kill myself. Anyhow, sorry. I'll come across one of my kids having this conversation on the radio station.

50:17 Adam Well, you can't beat two places at once, but... Pepper, does she smell urine? Is that what she's smelling?

50:23 Caller I don't know. I don't smell anything.

50:26 Adam What does she claim smells in your room?

50:29 Caller She just claims it smells.

50:31 Adam I see. Just a general... I used to get that general odor alert, too.

50:35 Caller But aren't most teenagers supposed to have a smell, anyhow?

50:39 Adam I had a distinctive smell, still do, but...

50:41 Caller I'm not surprised with you, though.

50:43 Adam Yeah. Gals usually don't smell as much as guys do. At least the room doesn't.

50:47 Drew Well, if she's spilling urine around, that's going to smell.

50:50 Adam Yeah.

50:51 Traci Lords Come on. You've got to give this girl some help because she needs to get over this. It's not going to go well as she starts to...

50:56 Drew No, female orgasmic incontinence is a normal thing. So we just have that.

51:00 Traci Lords But it's not a particularly appealing thing.

51:02 Drew No, but most guys don't...

51:03 Adam There's nothing she can do about it.

51:04 Drew There's nothing she can do about it. Most guys are not that bothered by it when women have it.

51:07 Adam Are you sure it's urine?

51:09 Caller Yeah.

51:10 Adam How do you know?

51:11 Caller Because I know the smell.

51:13 Adam I see. Well, we're back to the smell problem again.

51:15 Caller I'm sorry, and you know how cum is like cold, sort of, you know?

51:22 Adam Sure.

51:23 Caller And it is hot, so I kind of know the difference.

51:26 Caller Right.

51:27 Drew Everything that comes out of your body should be hot.

51:29 Adam Same temperature. My semen comes out like liquid nitrogen.

51:32 Drew I see.

51:32 Adam Mr. Freeze, my girls used to call me. That's right. Sometimes when we were camping and like a burrito was thawing, and Wendy the next day asked me to jack off on it. Well, I'm just telling you the truth. When we went camping, that's what I would do. Jack off into the ice chest. All right, Pepper?

51:52 Drew What's the question?

51:53 Adam There's nothing you can do to stop this really.

51:56 Drew Is that your question? How do you stop?

51:59 Caller How can I stop masturbating?

52:00 Drew All right, that's more what I'm interested in. Are you a sexual compulsive of some type?

52:05 Caller I don't know.

52:06 Drew Were you sexually abused when you were growing up?

52:08 Caller A couple times.

52:09 Drew Okay, so that's what happens. What will happen is that you'll become aroused in an inappropriate way that sort of wires in some compulsive behaviors into your brain chemistry.

52:19 Caller Oh, yeah.

52:20 Drew And literally, sex becomes something you're trying to master and constantly act upon. It's a way of managing feelings. It's often a response to all feelings. Sex, everything becomes sexualized. And it does, you know, the four times a day and not being able to control it, all that suggests that the cause is, in fact, the sexual abuse and that you are indeed sexually compulsive. That's something that has treatment.

52:43 Adam Yeah, well, if you got a little therapy for being sexually abused...

52:47 I don't want to do that, though.

52:48 Adam Oh, well, all right. Well, now that's out of the question.

52:50 Yeah.

52:51 Adam All right. Can you find Jesus Christ?

52:52 Traci Lords Why don't you want to do that?

52:55 Caller I'm too embarrassed about it.

52:58 Drew Well, yeah, you had no trouble telling us, and it would not be an uncommon thing for therapists to hear.

53:03 Caller It's taken me all the years I've listened, which is five.

53:07 Adam To call in?

53:08 Drew No, to tell you that.

53:10 Traci Lords Does your parents know that you've been abused?

53:13 Caller No.

53:13 Traci Lords Was it one of your parents?

53:15 Caller Uh-uh. No.

53:16 Drew And, Peppa, you hear in this show how frequently this happens. It's a common thing. And therapists deal with this stuff all the time.

53:21 Caller And you know what?

53:21 Traci Lords You're not the only one that's embarrassed. That's like, I was, I was embarrassed.

53:26 Caller You do that?

53:26 Traci Lords Oh, when, when I was young and I was abused, I always thought it was my fault. I think that that's a common thing with an abused. Yeah, I don't think that, though. You don't.

53:34 Caller No.

53:34 Adam Well, good. That should make it easier for you.

53:36 Traci Lords Then you don't have anything to be ashamed of.

53:38 Adam Who abused you?

53:40 Caller Um, a boy my age.

53:41 Drew Ooh, how old were you?

53:43 Caller Uh, nine.

53:44 Drew Wow.

53:45 Caller Nine and then 13.

53:46 Drew Yeesh.

53:47 Adam Same guy?

53:48 Caller Different.

53:49 Adam Wow. And, uh, when you masturbate now, are you in the tub or something?

53:53 Caller No.

53:54 Drew You know, you know, the feeling like...

53:55 Adam It's just a shower, by the way, if you're gonna spray urine.

53:58 Caller No. I do it in my bed and then I do it on the toilet.

54:02 Adam Smart.

54:02 Drew The feeling like it's your fault is actually a compensation for the powerlessness. When you're really young and it's overwhelming, it's easier to feel like you're in control to the point that it makes it your responsibility than to really feel the totality of that powerlessness of having been victimized. It's the shame.

54:19 Traci Lords It's absolutely the shame. So you don't want anyone to know because like she just said, she's embarrassed.

54:24 Drew Shame and embarrassment.

54:25 Adam All right. So Pepper, why don't you try to talk to a counselor or a therapist? Or a nurse.

54:30 Drew I really should. You really should.

54:31 Adam And if not that, how about you just try to stop masturbating? Can you do that?

54:36 Drew I go crazy.

54:38 Caller Instead, or I drink or something and I just go crazy.

54:42 Drew You may be a sex addict, which means this is gonna increase as time goes along.

54:46 Adam Yeah, maybe. The future doesn't look rosy for you unless you get a little help.

54:50 Caller Hey, Adam? Can you do me a favor? This, like, helps me get turned on. Can you sing Taboo II? I love that song.

54:57 Adam No, I will not sing the theme song to Taboo II if you're gonna masturbate.

55:01 Caller No, I promise I won't right now.

55:02 Drew You're asking him to collude in your compulsion.

55:05 Caller Can I just hear it?

55:06 Adam I'm gonna sing a gospel hymn instead.

55:08 Caller No, why can't I just hear it?

55:09 Adam We shall overcome... Oh, wait, I want to say calm.

55:12 Caller No, Adam, can I please just hear it? I won't. I'm on the phone with you right now. Adam, don't do it.

55:18 Adam No, I will not indulge a sexually compulsive 16-year-old.

55:23 Caller No, since you've done it, like, since you've said the same, I was like, oh my gosh, I gotta hear him sing that again so I can tape it, and I've been trying to tape it and tape it.

55:31 Adam All right, well, if you're gonna tape it, but don't masturbate to it, please.

55:34 Caller No, I promise, my hands are behind my back, nowhere near, you know.

55:37 Adam Okay.

55:38 Caller Okay.

55:39 Adam All right, I'll do that. And Traci, do you know the words to Taboo II?

55:43 Traci Lords No, I don't want to be included in this.

55:46 Adam You don't know that one? Well, you sing, don't you? You don't know this?

55:50 Traci Lords Absolutely.

55:50 Adam Well, you're familiar with the Taboo series of adult-themed videos?

55:54 Traci Lords No, I'm afraid I'm really not.

55:57 Adam Well, there you go. I figured you'd know. I mean, they go like 1 through 27 or something like that. I'll do a little snippet. I won't do the whole song. I don't want to bore Traci. You have it there? What, what, Anderson, what, are you protesting or are you just waiting for my cue? Now, yes, you're going? I'm not going to start. You got to start. Sound familiar, Tracy?

56:32 Oh.

56:39 Adam And do it with style. He does it with me. Oh, yes, he does. You're swooning, Tracy?

56:52 Drew She's vomiting.

56:57 Adam See how I point the finger in that? And then shows it all. And when he does, he satisfies me. That's enough, Anderson. I know Anderson likes a big end. All right, all right.

57:18 Caller Just what he could do.

57:28 Drew Nice. Thank you. Was Ron Jeremy in this one?

57:31 Traci Lords What was that?

57:31 Adam Yes, Ron was.

57:32 Traci Lords I don't understand. I'm really confused.

57:34 Drew How did you defend that one?

57:35 Traci Lords Why is that sexy, by the way?

57:37 Adam Well, because I'm singing it.

57:39 Traci Lords Oh, right.

57:40 Adam I can do the alphabet song and get a girl to go through a pair of panties.

57:43 Drew B-A-B.

57:46 Adam You want to know the very sad part about my life? I don't know my mom or my dad's birthday, yet I know all the words, the theme from Taboo II.

57:54 Drew That says it all, doesn't it?

57:57 Adam I think that about wraps it up. Yeah.

58:00 Traci Lords Good grief.

58:01 Adam Never heard the Taboo II theme song, did you? Well, there you go. Thank you.

58:07 Traci Lords Sorry to disappoint you with my lack of knowledge about pornography.

58:11 Drew It's a culturally enlightening experience.

58:12 Adam I just thought you'd know. I'm not disappointed. Well, I am. I have to admit it. Jamie, you're 18.

58:20 Caller Yeah.

58:20 Adam What's up?

58:21 Caller I have a question for Traci. My favorite band is the Manic Street Preachers. I know you recorded Little Baby Nothing with them. I was wondering if you could just tell me a little bit about that experience and if you're planning on putting out any other music.

58:38 Adam And then you want me to sing Taboo II?

58:40 Drew No, she just taped it. She taped it. You got it.

58:42 Caller You know, I'm surprised you haven't put out a CD yourself.

58:45 Adam Oh, I'm working on it. All right.

58:48 Drew I'm going to do a Christmas tape.

58:50 Traci Lords The Manic Street Preachers. I really liked Richie in particular a lot. And I had gone to London. That was before I did A Thousand Fires, which is my record. It was my first experience as recording actually in the studio. And I liked that band a lot. They were in and around London at the time. And I liked what they were doing. And they had just a really nice vibe about that group of guys. It made me really sad about four or five years ago. He disappeared, you know? Yeah, I know.

59:17 Adam What do you mean, disappeared?

59:18 Traci Lords He just disappeared. He had always talked about how cool he thought it would be just if he were, you know, when his life ended just to suddenly mysteriously disappear. That was his thing. And about six months before he had been talking about this, he actually did. They just found his car somewhere over a bridge and they never found him, never found his body. His bank accounts had been cleared out and he was just gone. So no one really knows what ever happened to him.

59:45 Adam We assume he is alive somewhere, right?

59:47 Traci Lords I would think so, but there has been no sightings or anything like that. It was just very strange. He was a really talented, you know, somewhat disturbed individual.

59:54 Adam Well, I don't want him to take this the wrong way if he's listening, but is anyone looking for him or do we care?

1:00:00 Traci Lords I think a lot of people.

1:00:01 Adam Oh really?

1:00:02 Traci Lords Yeah, I mean from families to friends to journalists that were looking for the scoop.

1:00:08 Adam Well, what does he look like in case I run across him? I patrol the North Hollywood Sherman Oaks area a lot. A lot of guys go there to forget.

1:00:15 Traci Lords Let's see, about 5'10, last spotted with a bold type haircut.

1:00:21 Adam Oh, I know this dude.

1:00:23 Traci Lords Looks a little bit on the junky thin side.

1:00:26 Adam He's working for me. Amazing voice.

1:00:29 Traci Lords I don't know.

1:00:30 Adam Look into that.

1:00:31 Traci Lords But record, absolutely. I'm going to do another one. I was recording my second album when I got this Roland First Wave last February. So I stopped and just being back in LA for a few weeks now, I revisited that and it was amazing to me. I mean, this happens. I don't know if it happens with a lot of writers or what have you. But when you start something and you go away from it for about ten months, whatever, you go back and all of a sudden it's like, well, I'm not really in that space. So basically to answer your question, I'm sort of starting the whole thing again. I definitely would like to do more music and I'm not in any, you know, huge rush to put out something tomorrow. I figure when it's done, it'll be done.

1:01:07 Adam Have you done a book?

1:01:09 Traci Lords No.

1:01:09 Adam Why not?

1:01:10 Traci Lords Well, it's the same thing as sort of the Hollywood Inside story. I feel like people know enough.

1:01:15 Adam Why don't you do like a cooking book or something?

1:01:17 Drew Yeah.

1:01:18 Traci Lords You got a Traci's saucy recipe for love.

1:01:22 Adam Irons in the fire. I mean, you got the music.

1:01:25 Traci Lords Chef Lords.

1:01:27 Adam Yeah. You got the TV. It seems like...

1:01:30 Traci Lords Isn't that enough?

1:01:31 Adam Seems like enough. I don't know. I'm just trying to round out your portfolio.

1:01:35 Traci Lords Hey, man. I'm saving the world. I'm singing. There's enough responsibility here.

1:01:41 Adam Yeah.

1:01:42 Traci Lords I'm trying to help the teen element of California.

1:01:46 Adam All right. And beyond, by the way. Eric?

1:01:50 Yeah.

1:01:50 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:01:52 Caller Yeah. I have a problem with one of my piercings.

1:01:54 Adam I see.

1:01:56 Caller I have a PA.

1:01:57 Drew Prince Albert.

1:01:59 Adam Prince Albert, yeah.

1:02:00 Caller And it started off with a 10 gauge.

1:02:03 Adam Put them right. Right. The gauge is the thickness of the wire that's going through there.

1:02:08 Caller Right. Right.

1:02:09 Adam Yeah. As gauge gets lower, it gets thicker.

1:02:13 Caller Yeah.

1:02:13 Adam Right.

1:02:14 Caller So it started off with a 10, which is reasonably thick. And I masturbate a lot. Maybe three or four times a day.

1:02:25 Adam Right. And as you do that, the hole on Dr. Drew, a Dr. Loveline, okay, he needs a sitter Saturday night. Do you think he can come by the pad?

1:02:33 Caller Probably.

1:02:34 Adam Okay. Dr. He got a new sitter. You guys can go out Saturday night.

1:02:36 Drew You can talk to Albuquerque, though.

1:02:38 Adam Oh, yeah. Where are you calling from, Eric?

1:02:41 Caller Albuquerque, New Mexico.

1:02:42 Adam Oh. Why? Did it say that on there? Well, there you go. All right. So are you saying where everyone's been calling from has been by their name the whole night?

1:02:51 Caller Yes.

1:02:51 Adam Well, it's only been an hour and 15 minutes.

1:02:53 Caller Yeah.

1:02:53 Adam All right. There. Keep going there, Eric from Albuquerque.

1:02:57 Caller All right. And as I masturbate, the hole gets bigger. And I dropped down to six or four gauge already, actually. And to check it, trying to make the hole a little bit. Right. The key goes everywhere. My UNH just goes everywhere.

1:03:14 Adam Four gauge is pretty thick, right? Maybe an eighth of an inch.

1:03:18 Caller It's probably as thick as your pinky.

1:03:20 Adam Wow. It's not that thick. Not that thick. It's not a half inch thick.

1:03:27 Caller It's a little bit thicker than a pencil.

1:03:31 Adam I'm going to look into that. All right. But anyway.

1:03:35 Caller And it's still stretching more. I want to know how far it could go down before the skin heals if I decide to take it out.

1:03:42 Drew How big it can get?

1:03:44 Caller Yeah.

1:03:45 Drew I don't know if anybody can answer that. But there's some magic threshold after which you'll never go back.

1:03:50 Traci Lords It sounds like a big mess to me. You've got to make a choice here. Either get rid of the piercing or stop jacking off so much.

1:03:55 Caller Hey, that's hard.

1:03:58 Adam Yeah. What's up with you, screwball?

1:04:01 Caller I don't know.

1:04:01 Adam I mean, what happened to you? Something happened to you?

1:04:05 Caller In my life?

1:04:06 Caller Yeah.

1:04:08 Caller I've never met my dad. He left and he beat my mom up a lot when I was before I was born. So they divorced and got a restraining order and everything on that. And then, so, our messed up family.

1:04:24 Caller Right.

1:04:24 Adam And by the way, if you say the F word and then go back and correct yourself and say messed up instead of have to, it doesn't help. But we do appreciate the effort. That's all right. So, Eric, listen, as far as your penis goes, what's he need to do? Go talk to a plastic surgeon or something?

1:04:40 Drew Probably go to a piercing. The piercing guys are pretty knowledgeable about this stuff.

1:04:43 Adam But Eric, you got to get your life in order, buddy.

1:04:46 Drew Yeah. The chronic masturbation is the more significant issue though.

1:04:49 Traci Lords Yeah.

1:04:49 Adam I never thought I'd say this, but you got to slow down with the masturbation.

1:04:53 Traci Lords Well, maybe at least consider maybe removing the piercing and let him heal for a while.

1:04:57 Adam Yeah, I would think.

1:04:58 Traci Lords That might be a good idea.

1:05:00 Adam Can you do that?

1:05:02 Caller The metal is so thick, it takes at least two people to pry it apart.

1:05:07 Adam I see. Well, you know anyone at the fire department that get the Jaws of Life in there on your Johnson and pull that thing apart? It does not take two people to pry it apart. You could do it.

1:05:19 Caller No, I'm serious. I try with the pliers to get the kid at the captive and they pry it down on the ball.

1:05:25 Drew Well, go back to the piercing institution.

1:05:27 Adam Get the thing out of there. Quit whacking off so much and, you know, straighten up and fly right. Get yourself a job. Fight to keep it.

1:05:36 Caller Hey, I have two full-time jobs and I go to college.

1:05:38 Adam Really? Junior college?

1:05:41 Caller No.

1:05:43 Adam Where?

1:05:44 Caller Albuquerque, UNO.

1:05:46 Adam That's a junior college. Listen, Eric, get that thing out of your dork. Eventually, the hole is going to be wider than your penis. I don't know if that's mathematically possible, but I see a day where it is. And listen, I could get that thing out of Travis Johnson. I really could.

1:06:00 Caller No doubt.

1:06:01 Adam He's like two guys. Believe me, I could get that thing right out of there. See, I put the bicarbonate blade on my sawzall.

1:06:08 Caller Oh yeah.

1:06:08 Adam Well, let's get that thing right out of there.

1:06:10 Drew That would be reassuring. Lay your penis down here.

1:06:13 Adam No, no, no. I wouldn't tell him to lay it down on the bench and put it in a vise. Hold still. He could get that thing apart with some needle nose pliers. All right. The notion and Traci, have you ever seen one of these Prince Albums?

1:06:28 Caller No, no, come on.

1:06:29 Adam No? You've ever been with a guy who has one?

1:06:31 Caller No.

1:06:32 Adam No? No. You know how it works?

1:06:35 Traci Lords I don't date musicians.

1:06:36 Adam You know? This guy is not a musician. But yes, it's a good safe bet. You know how this works? They put this hook-like needle that goes down the urethra and then turns and pops out just behind the head. And I just couldn't imagine a more like if I didn't know this was something that a guy did voluntarily, I'd know what he was. I'd say what here's a guy. Yeah, I figured we'd be we were living in. Why does this somehow medieval times and he's raped someone repeatedly.

1:07:08 Drew And this is what we're going to do.

1:07:09 Adam We're going to put this hook.

1:07:10 Traci Lords Is it an erotic thing?

1:07:11 Adam Is it?

1:07:12 Drew No, it's an aggressive thing.

1:07:13 Adam When you're effed up, you want to do effed up things to yourself and it's especially to your genitalia.

1:07:19 Traci Lords Self-mutilation.

1:07:19 Adam That's right. It all comes out there. Angela?

1:07:24 Caller Yeah.

1:07:24 Adam You're 20. What's up?

1:07:27 Caller Well, I had a kid back in June and ever since then, I've been getting the yeast infection like every month, every other month, something like that.

1:07:36 Drew Are you sure they're yeast infections?

1:07:38 Caller Yeah.

1:07:39 Drew You've had them tested? Uh-huh. And what have they been treating you with?

1:07:43 Caller Just a, you know, generic cream.

1:07:45 Drew Okay. You might try some Diflucan. That tends to help really eradicate it. It's just a single dose.

1:07:50 Caller Okay.

1:07:50 Drew The doctor can give you that.

1:07:52 Adam What do you do? How do you take it?

1:07:53 Drew Just a one-pill-a-powel, 150 milligrams, and that's it.

1:07:56 Adam You swallow it?

1:07:56 Drew Swallow it down. And you're not overweight?

1:08:01 Caller Um, I don't know.

1:08:03 Caller Yeah, I guess I am.

1:08:05 Drew So, that could contribute. Were you diabetic during pregnancy?

1:08:08 Caller No.

1:08:09 Adam Why does her weight contribute to your yeast infections?

1:08:12 Caller Well, it's diet, isn't it?

1:08:13 Drew Yeah, it just changes. She may have gained a much weight during the pregnancy and it can change the sort of anaerobic environment in there. It changes it.

1:08:21 Caller Yeah.

1:08:22 Drew Plus, the hormones are different now because she's had children. Are you on birth control or any medication or anything? Angela?

1:08:30 Caller Um, no.

1:08:31 Adam No.

1:08:32 Drew Who are you whispering to?

1:08:34 Caller My friend.

1:08:35 Adam Yeah. Where's your husband? I mean boyfriend.

1:08:38 Caller I don't have one.

1:08:39 Adam Not even the boyfriend, huh?

1:08:41 Caller Well, there's a couple guys, but...

1:08:44 Adam Sure...

1:08:45 Caller .not early.

1:08:45 Adam What about the one who's dad to the child?

1:08:49 Caller Um, well, the father of the child, he's kind of out of the picture.

1:08:55 Adam I see. Yeah.

1:08:56 Caller Because I gave the kid up for adoption, so...

1:08:58 Adam Oh, good for you. Fantastic. That's fine, then. No problem. All right. So go get some of that Diflucan and get some condoms while you're down there, so this doesn't happen again.

1:09:10 Drew Talk to your doctor. Make sure that you don't have any thyroid problem or blood sugar problems. These sorts of things can contribute to that. Get, you know, lose the weight of the pregnancy and take the Fluconazole and you'll be fine.

1:09:21 Adam Okay.

1:09:22 Caller What's it called again?

1:09:23 Drew Diflucan.

1:09:24 Caller Diflucan? Okay.

1:09:26 Drew Okay.

1:09:27 Adam All right. The good news is, the funny part is when she goes into the doctor and pronounces Diflucan from what it'll turn into from tonight, then three days from now when she goes in there. And when she loved to just be a fly on the wall for that one. He says I need some of that Xylocaine, Diaphragm, Diabetes, but the doctor will pick that up.

1:09:54 Drew He'll figure it out.

1:09:55 Adam Here she'll figure it out. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Traci Lords is our guest tonight. First Wave is the name of her series. On the Sci-Fi Channel, 8 o'clock, Monday nights. And when we come back, we'll speak to Justin. He's 26. His wife split and he can't find her. He wants to know how to get a divorce after that.

1:10:19 Caller Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready. Ready.

1:10:52 Adam Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. She's Traci Lords. She's hanging out tonight. And, uh, in, uh, basically, it's payment for Traci hanging out. We're, uh, plugging her, uh, new, uh, well, not... It's not a new show. It's in its, uh, third season, but, uh, Traci's first season with it. First Wave. Sci-Fi, eight o'clock, Monday nights. And, uh...

1:11:17 Drew I was telling you, didn't we have somebody from a sci-fi series last couple weeks ago? Doesn't that sound familiar?

1:11:22 Adam Could have been.

1:11:23 Drew Okay. Why? Are you there? I was just trying to remember who it was.

1:11:27 Adam I don't know. I don't know. Uh, the sci-fi... I think I get the sci-fi channel. Is that part of Basic Cable now?

1:11:34 Drew Sure.

1:11:35 Adam It is, isn't it?

1:11:36 Drew I would think.

1:11:37 Adam It's a more recent addition to the Basic Cable family. But it's, uh, definitely in there. And I guess, uh...

1:11:44 Traci Lords I can't believe you don't watch the sci-fi channel. You are so uncool.

1:11:51 Adam I've never seen a Star Trek episode. I've never seen, like, a Lost in Space episode.

1:11:56 Traci Lords You don't like Blade or, like... You won't look into Species or any of that.

1:12:01 Drew Oh, Species.

1:12:01 Caller Blah, blah, blah.

1:12:02 Drew Your friend was on there.

1:12:03 Adam Natasha Henstridge. I watch for her with the sound down.

1:12:06 Traci Lords See?

1:12:07 Adam See?

1:12:09 Traci Lords The truth comes out, my friend.

1:12:11 Adam No, I could get into something like Alien, but to me that's a horror movie that takes place in space, but I wouldn't call it necessarily sci-fi. I mean, like, something like Alien, would you say that was a horror movie?

1:12:24 Traci Lords I would say it's sci-fi. Just like Blade is. My show's first wave is sci-fi like that.

1:12:30 Adam Right, and then I could say...

1:12:31 Traci Lords Not sci-fi like Star Trek and Captain Kirk and the Enterprise and all of that.

1:12:35 Adam Yeah, I never did get into that. It seemed ridiculous to me even when I was like 10 and 11 watching that stuff. It's like, look at those goofy outfits and what the hell is that? No, no, no.

1:12:44 Traci Lords We're not talking about geeky sci-fi. We're talking sexy sci-fi.

1:12:48 Adam Yeah, but that's just so the geeks can jack off.

1:12:51 Traci Lords Oh, please.

1:12:52 Caller Why did you have to give me that image?

1:12:54 Adam Well, it's true. There's a lot of guys with very thick...

1:12:57 Caller I hate you for that...

1:12:58 Adam .pump bottle lenses sitting home steaming them up to you.

1:13:01 Traci Lords This show has way too much masturbation involved.

1:13:03 Caller You're right.

1:13:05 Adam Maybe I should be removed. Justin?

1:13:07 Caller Yes?

1:13:07 Adam You're 26.

1:13:09 Caller Yes.

1:13:09 Adam Your wife took off.

1:13:11 Caller Yeah.

1:13:12 Adam When did she leave?

1:13:13 Caller Well, she left about three months after we got married.

1:13:16 Adam I see. So that would have been in February, what, the 11th?

1:13:21 Caller No. It was actually April 22nd.

1:13:24 Adam I see. And so it's been some time now.

1:13:28 Caller It's been almost a year now, yes.

1:13:30 Adam And have you seen her?

1:13:32 Caller No. Well, the last time I saw her, this is embarrassing and I'm not lying, I took her on the Jerry Springer Show.

1:13:37 Adam Oh, really? Wow. Who contacted you for that?

1:13:42 Caller What? I'm sorry?

1:13:43 Adam How did that get worked out?

1:13:46 Caller I just decided that-

1:13:46 Adam Oh, jeez, Justin, Justin, turn your radio down, would you?

1:13:52 Drew What was the issue?

1:13:52 Adam Hold on, let the Brainiac turn his radio down.

1:13:55 Drew Justin? Oh boy.

1:13:57 Adam Well, his radio says in Idaho, he lives in Oregon.

1:14:00 Drew The ham radio.

1:14:01 Adam Yeah.

1:14:02 Drew Is he there?

1:14:04 Adam No, I swear he hung up.

1:14:05 Drew Yeah, I think you're right. All right.

1:14:07 Adam Should we keep going?

1:14:07 Drew Yeah.

1:14:09 Adam Ben?

1:14:09 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:14:10 Adam You're 27.

1:14:11 Caller Yes, I am. I love your show.

1:14:13 Adam Why, thank you. You're 27 and you sound like Burl Ives.

1:14:17 Caller Sorry, I, hmm.

1:14:20 Drew We were just brought up St. Louis.

1:14:21 Adam He sounds older than 27, doesn't he?

1:14:22 Drew Yeah, he sounds like Burl Ives.

1:14:23 Adam Yeah.

1:14:24 Caller I'm mature.

1:14:26 Drew Actually, Sterling Holloway. Winnie the Pooh.

1:14:29 Adam There you go.

1:14:30 Drew Yes, isn't that right?

1:14:33 Caller Yeah.

1:14:34 Adam Go ahead there, Digger.

1:14:37 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew.

1:14:38 Drew Is that not Sterling Holloway?

1:14:39 Adam Yes, that is. That is the voice of Winnie the Pooh.

1:14:45 Caller For about the last, since 1995.

1:14:48 Drew I can't get past the voice. All right, 1995, okay.

1:14:52 Caller Since 1995, this is so humiliating with Traci in the studio. Since 1995, I've had this medical problem. I'm too humiliated to go to the doctor about it. Whenever I move my bowels, I bleed like a stuck pig.

1:15:09 Drew See, now that Winnie the Pooh irony is too much.

1:15:12 Caller And lately, for about the last year now, I've had such pain that it wakes me up at night. And I just found out like two months ago that both my mother and my father and my grandmother have cancer.

1:15:25 Drew What kind of cancer?

1:15:27 Caller My father has prostate.

1:15:29 Drew Which is not an issue here.

1:15:31 Caller My mother, I don't know what she has.

1:15:33 Adam It's not an issue because he's 27.

1:15:35 Drew But here's the deal.

1:15:36 Adam Why is that not an issue?

1:15:37 Drew Because prostate cancer doesn't cause rectal bleeding. It's not a young man's disease.

1:15:41 Adam Why doesn't it cause rectal bleeding?

1:15:43 Drew It's not in the colon. It's well outside.

1:15:47 Adam I think I could squeeze some blood out of my ass if I had enough prostate cancer.

1:15:50 Drew It's part of the urologic system. Sometimes urinary bleeding, sometimes bleeding when you pee. But here's the deal, Ben. This could be one of many different things. It could be as simple as an internal hemorrhoid. But God knows you would be iron depleted from all this bleeding. And that needs to be attended to and could be quite serious. Could be an inflammatory bowel disease like ulcerative colitis or Crohn's disease.

1:16:09 Caller Well, is there like anything? See, I'm too humiliated. I don't want to go to the doctor.

1:16:13 Drew Ben, it is one of the most common conditions. Probably a day does not go by that I don't see this problem.

1:16:18 Adam Well, listen, I know what may have happened to me.

1:16:20 Drew So it's a very common condition. See the doctor because it can be polyps and can be tumor and absolutely does need to be treated.

1:16:26 Adam He could have been up in Mr. Owl's tree house when that windstorm hit. And he was sliding around trying to get that pot of honey. And then I think Pigger came along. Ironically enough, I was watching Winnie the Pooh with my two nephews on Thursday wrestling with them on my sister's bed. Watching Winnie the Pooh at the same time. I have not seen this since I was five, six years old.

1:16:52 Drew That's why you knew who Sterling Holloway was.

1:16:54 Adam No, it did come back to me though. No I would have remembered that voice. And if you give me a second, I'll come up with the voice of Tigger, by the way.

1:17:02 Drew Paul Winchell.

1:17:02 Adam Paul Winchell. There you go. Also from Wacky Racers and many, many, many other voices. Yes.

1:17:10 Caller All right.

1:17:11 Adam Traci.

1:17:12 Drew Who did Piglet though?

1:17:13 Traci Lords The wonderful thing about Tiggers.

1:17:16 Caller Piglet.

1:17:19 Adam He's a guy who couldn't remember his stuff. He was the guy with the glasses. He did a, I think he was in the episode of Twilight Zone where he wanted to be left alone with his books and they broke. No, no. That was like Burgess Meredith. Who was the voice of Piglet?

1:17:37 Drew Somebody's got to come up with that. I can't come up with that.

1:17:39 Caller All right.

1:17:40 Adam David?

1:17:41 Caller Yeah?

1:17:41 Adam You're 17.

1:17:42 Caller I'm 17.

1:17:43 Adam What's up?

1:17:44 Caller Wow. I've never been on the radio before.

1:17:46 Adam Great.

1:17:46 Caller It's cool.

1:17:48 Adam Well, this is the last time, so enjoy.

1:17:50 Caller No, man. This is girl, she's 19, and she, I think she wants a relationship with me, but I just want to get laid. And she's on medication for depression. She's adopted. She's a little on the big side. I'm not, not really fat, just a little thick, you know? Sure. She's not the type of girl you want to date, just...

1:18:11 Drew Man, you are all class, David.

1:18:13 Adam Yeah. If you're just, just sex her down and leave her...

1:18:17 Drew Ladies, ladies take notes.

1:18:19 Caller Just have fun.

1:18:19 Adam Then she could kill herself.

1:18:21 Drew You know, women need to be a profiler. You know what I mean? In order to decide who to date and not to date, they have to be like an FBI agent.

1:18:27 Traci Lords It's really too bad men don't come with labels. It would make things so much simpler.

1:18:30 Adam Yeah, but they practically do. It's just you guys...

1:18:34 Traci Lords Do not add alcohol.

1:18:37 Adam Let me give, let me tell you some stuff to look out for. A gold rope chain and a bracelet. The mullet haircut we spoke of earlier. Members only jackets and leather. Guys running like Iroxies. I don't trust a guy with buckles on his shoes. Guys who have that Nero hairdo, that Caesar hairdo, where they comb it forward. Guys where's the... Any guy where's the turtleneck with the blazer. Don't trust that cat. Don't trust a guy who has had his fingernails buffed. You see that thing where you got like that clear coat on the fingernails.

1:19:10 Drew These are women trying to negotiate high school age kids. They can't afford all those trappings.

1:19:16 Adam Don't trust any guy with any jewelry at all.

1:19:19 Drew In high school, no one wears jewelry.

1:19:21 Adam Yes, they're guys. They're guys wearing jewelry. Anderson just showed me his finger which was adorned with rings, by the way.

1:19:27 Drew Oh boy.

1:19:28 Traci Lords You see, this guy's, he's 17. There's still hope for him. He just needs to be taught that that's not how you treat people.

1:19:36 Drew Yeah, it's harmful.

1:19:37 Traci Lords It's karma, it's rude, it's mean, it's ugly, and you shouldn't do it.

1:19:42 Adam Yeah, but let me tell you how guys think, and this is the sad part. No, that is not how you treat the prom queen. That's how you treat the fat, depressed chick.

1:19:49 Traci Lords That's especially not how you treat the fat, depressed chick. That's wrong.

1:19:54 Adam That's right. You abuse all of them. That's what I say equally.

1:19:57 Drew But the deal is, you're going to be that person. You're going to be the guy that abuses folks. That's not cool.

1:20:02 Adam Right.

1:20:03 Traci Lords There's nothing nice about that.

1:20:04 Adam All right. Tyler?

1:20:05 Caller Yeah.

1:20:06 Adam You're 18?

1:20:06 Caller Yes, I am.

1:20:07 Adam What's up?

1:20:08 Caller Well, my girlfriend and I have had a couple kinds of unprotected sex. And I was worried about her being pregnant. And I've heard that you can have a light or strange period even if you're pregnant.

1:20:23 Drew Yes.

1:20:23 Caller And I was just wondering how often that happens.

1:20:26 Drew All the time. But it's something that needs to be evaluated immediately, because it could be indicative of a tubal pregnancy. It could be indicative of pregnancy that's in trouble and going to be aborted or miscarried. So it's something that needs to be evaluated right away. First we have to establish whether she's pregnant. You know in fact that she's pregnant?

1:20:42 Caller I don't.

1:20:42 Adam You think she's not pregnant?

1:20:44 Drew Let's establish that first.

1:20:45 Caller Okay. So how long should I wait for that? Like if she has two periods?

1:20:49 Traci Lords Just go to the drugstore and buy an EPT.

1:20:51 Drew Now.

1:20:52 Traci Lords You can do it right now.

1:20:52 Drew Go do it. All right. All right.

1:20:55 Caller All right.

1:20:57 Adam Well, I think what he was saying is she was...

1:20:59 Drew She's been having periods.

1:21:01 Adam So she can't be pregnant.

1:21:02 Caller Right.

1:21:02 Traci Lords Well, that's what he's hoping.

1:21:03 Adam But it seems like a strange period. Yeah. Let me ask you. If you have unprotected sex and then you have your period, but it's different, is it a higher likelihood you're pregnant because it's different?

1:21:17 Traci Lords Warning signal.

1:21:18 Adam You know what I mean?

1:21:19 Drew Higher than what? Higher than...

1:21:20 Adam Well, obviously, it's higher than having your period.

1:21:23 Drew Yeah.

1:21:24 Adam And it's lower than not having your period.

1:21:26 Drew But it's not higher than... It's not higher than not having your period.

1:21:29 Adam But I mean, you should... Would you expect that someone was pregnant if they're having some kind of funky discharge?

1:21:36 Drew It's always important to rule that out because the risk of tubal pregnancy is so great.

1:21:41 Adam It is?

1:21:41 Drew Yeah.

1:21:42 Adam I think I was a tubal baby.

1:21:43 Drew Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. You certainly behave like one.

1:21:48 Adam Do they have tubal babies? Are they shaped differently? Can we find them? There's no such thing as a tubie. No?

1:21:56 Drew No.

1:21:57 Adam And what happens with the tubie babies? Do they have to get rid of them?

1:22:00 Drew They have to get rid of them because they'll blow their mom up? The tube ruptures and it completes to death.

1:22:04 Adam Right. And how many of those? How common is that?

1:22:07 Drew Very common.

1:22:08 Adam I mean, a hundred years ago, women must have just been dropping right and left from that.

1:22:12 Drew Probably. I don't know the data on that, but the incidence of tubal infections now are so great. That's what's causing all the increasing tubal pregnancy.

1:22:20 Adam The tubal infections because the thing gets clogged?

1:22:22 Drew It gets clogged that the pregnancy gets hung up in the tubes.

1:22:25 Adam An egg can't make it to the stomach? Where does it go?

1:22:29 Drew Your rear end.

1:22:30 Adam Goes to the rear end? Yeah. Then it comes out, of course.

1:22:32 Drew Of course.

1:22:34 Adam All right. Traci Lords is our guest. We'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Chrissy. 17 gets bored during oral sex. She fakes her orgasm. Want to know if it's wrong? Well, in the eyes of God, it is, but we'll talk there about that after this.

1:22:47 Caller LoveLine, LoveLine, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:23:20 Adam It's the Loveline. I'm Adam and that's Drew. Traci Lords is our guest tonight. First Wave is the name of her show that's on the Sci-Fi channel, which is going to be on tomorrow night, and every Monday night at 8 o'clock.

1:23:34 Drew And we found out who plays Piglet's voice on One of the Poets, John Fiedler, who Adam, you'll be glad to know, was in Bad Ronald.

1:23:41 Adam Oh, one of my favorite TV movies of the week.

1:23:45 Drew Played Mr. Roscoe.

1:23:47 Adam Mr. Roscoe.

1:23:48 Drew He's made a million films.

1:23:51 Adam I'm going to have to go home and check my tapes of Bad Ronald. You know, I'm having a Bad Ronald party soon.

1:23:56 Drew No.

1:23:57 Adam Everyone gets stoned off their ass and we watch the world's worst 70s made for movies, made for TV movies. Bad Ronald.

1:24:05 Drew I will come if it's followed by Kill Dozer.

1:24:08 Adam No, I'm going to have to get my paws on Kill Dozer. All right. Let's trudge forward here. Christy?

1:24:14 Caller Yeah?

1:24:14 Adam You're 17?

1:24:15 Caller Yes, I am.

1:24:16 Adam What's up?

1:24:17 Caller Okay, here's the problem. I just get, like, bored to death when my boyfriend gives me oral sex. I get, like, zero pleasure.

1:24:26 Drew How about during intercourse?

1:24:27 Caller Huh?

1:24:27 Drew How about during intercourse?

1:24:29 Caller Rarely.

1:24:30 Drew So do you enjoy sex at all?

1:24:31 Adam Rarely what?

1:24:32 Caller Like, when we do have sex, I rarely get one. It's like, almost never.

1:24:38 Drew Yeah. How do you feel about your boyfriend?

1:24:42 Caller I like him a lot. We've known each other for a long time. I really like him.

1:24:45 Adam I've known my grandpa for a long time.

1:24:48 Drew Your barber too, I believe.

1:24:49 Adam Yeah. Well, no, I did blow him.

1:24:50 Drew Okay. Well, he wasn't very gratifying.

1:24:53 Adam He puts his hand out for a tip. What are you going to do? Here's a little pomade for you. How long does he go down on you?

1:25:02 Caller I don't know. It seems like a long time.

1:25:04 Adam Yeah. Is his technique bad or you just shut down?

1:25:10 Caller I think it's a little bit of both.

1:25:11 Caller Yeah.

1:25:12 Drew You're just not into this.

1:25:13 Caller Yeah. I just like I've gotten into the habit of faking it because he doesn't stop until he thinks I'm satisfied and I'm just like I hate it.

1:25:21 Adam Now it's like, baby, I'm going down to you. All right.

1:25:25 Caller Can we move on?

1:25:27 Adam All right. Hey, listen, Christy, this is there's one of two things that is going on here. But Traci, you jump in if you disagree with either one of these two scenarios. A, she's bored to death with them, not in love with them anymore. And this thing's just stale and over. Or B, you were abandoned, abused, had something bad happen to you.

1:25:46 Caller No.

1:25:47 Adam It's not B.

1:25:48 Caller No.

1:25:49 Adam Then it's A. You're not into this dude anymore. I think you're not into him.

1:25:53 Drew I think you're not as into this guy as you might think.

1:25:55 Adam How long have you known him?

1:25:56 Caller For two years.

1:25:58 Adam Yeah. And you just...

1:25:59 Traci Lords Was it always like that?

1:26:02 Caller What?

1:26:02 Traci Lords Was it always like that? Did you ever have any pleasure when you were with him at the beginning?

1:26:07 Caller I don't know, because we didn't start getting like actually sexual till the like the year.

1:26:11 Drew Yeah, there's something not right about this relationship.

1:26:12 Adam He doesn't flip your cookie though. You're not excited to see him. You're just not in love with him.

1:26:17 Drew Right. And if you were really connected with him, the sexual functioning would probably take care of itself.

1:26:23 Caller Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with me or anything, right?

1:26:25 Drew I doubt it.

1:26:26 Adam No, the only thing that's wrong with you is that you're staying with someone that you're not really into.

1:26:29 Drew Yeah.

1:26:30 Caller You think?

1:26:31 Drew Yep.

1:26:31 Adam Yeah. Okay. All right.

1:26:34 Caller All right, thanks a lot.

1:26:36 Adam Call us back when he kills himself, okay? I will.

1:26:39 Drew Very nice.

1:26:40 Adam Well, I was just trying to end on a positive note. Well, she's faking it. She's 17. She's totally bored. I mean, that's, oh, man, makes me think. Jesus Christ.

1:26:53 Traci Lords I don't get it. Never fake an orgasm. Do not reward them for something they didn't do.

1:26:59 Adam But if she is not able, well, Lord knows he's trying. Don't you want to throw him a bone every once in a while?

1:27:05 Traci Lords Absolutely not. No.

1:27:07 Adam He's down there licking like a St. Bernard and you don't want to toss him a bone.

1:27:13 Traci Lords No, I mean.

1:27:14 Adam But what about for you, which is to say, Let's just not even get there. I'm tired. Let's move on. You know what I mean?

1:27:21 Drew Just finish it off.

1:27:22 Adam Yeah. It's either that or you pull your foot up and push his forehead away from it.

1:27:25 Traci Lords It doesn't feel good. Don't do it.

1:27:29 Adam Right. But you know what? I think it's a very-

1:27:31 Traci Lords It's not that complicated.

1:27:33 Adam It's a vicious cycle because they do it once to get the guy out of there because they want to move on and they're not enjoying themselves. So they do it to get them to stop.

1:27:41 Traci Lords Well, if you want to move on, why don't you try Beat It?

1:27:44 Caller Get out.

1:27:45 Drew It's like bombing for any disorder.

1:27:48 Adam Beat it.

1:27:49 Traci Lords It's like one of my favorite dismissive lines.

1:27:51 Adam Why don't you scram?

1:27:53 Traci Lords I can't get lost. Scram. Scram.

1:27:56 Adam You're like a real Bowery Boys kind of line. Scram yous. Sophie?

1:28:01 Caller I've had it with yous.

1:28:03 Adam Head up to here and you look at my vagina. Scram. She'd addle. 22 skidoo. Sophie?

1:28:10 Yeah.

1:28:11 Adam You're 23. What's up?

1:28:12 Caller Yeah. By the way, me and my mom just finished watching The Man Show tonight.

1:28:16 Drew Nice.

1:28:17 Caller Yeah. She's a 50-year-old Jewish woman. She loves you.

1:28:20 Drew Oh my God.

1:28:20 Adam Really? Yeah. Did you watch the antique porn road show?

1:28:25 Caller Yeah. She's a big antique road show warrior herself.

1:28:29 Adam Oh, she's got a real kick out of me doing it.

1:28:31 Caller Well, actually, he started getting kind of disgusted when he started smelling the stuff. But anyways.

1:28:36 Traci Lords Well, what were you smelling?

1:28:37 Adam You got to push the envelope. Well, you ever see the antique-

1:28:40 Traci Lords Why did I ask that question?

1:28:42 Adam You see the antique road show on PBS? Uh-oh. I'm asking Drew if he's heard of something that's been out for a number of years. Has anybody, Traci, ever seen the antique road show? No. This is- Anne, you've never seen the antique road show? No. Anderson? Wow. I've got to kill myself. I've really got to kill myself. There's a show that's been on TV, I think it's like on PBS, where they- all these people bring their antiques to these guys and these guys sit there and they give them some Civil War musket and they look at it and they go, well, you see the initials on the muzzle that would suggest that it's from the Civil War and this one may have been- it's real interesting. It's like heroin because you sit there and watch it and people bring in these little trinkets and they could be worth $20,000 that some guy just bought at a garage sale. But nobody but me has seen that in this room, in this area, in this immediate area and lowering the phone screen. We're the only two amongst the eight people here? Yeah. Traci's entourage, caller? Nobody. But Sophie, your mom, is into it, right?

1:29:49 Caller Yeah, a little bit. She's, you know, but mostly, you know, the goyums put their stuff up there. Right.

1:29:55 Adam Yeah. Jews don't do that. Yeah. Although they're interested in turning a quick buck, they can't be selling heirlooms off that way because their parents would kill them.

1:30:03 Caller Okay. Yeah.

1:30:05 Adam I was able to work two stereotypes into one half-baked compliment.

1:30:09 Caller Nice. Nice.

1:30:09 Adam All right, Sophie. I got to kill myself. I got to kill myself. I've got to kill myself. How come nobody, how do I see stuff that no one else sees? I don't watch PBS.

1:30:21 Drew You must.

1:30:21 Caller I don't watch PBS.

1:30:23 Drew Most people go fast past PBS. They really do. It depresses them.

1:30:27 Adam This show is a hit. I mean, it's a big deal.

1:30:32 Drew Everyone watches it.

1:30:33 Adam It's huge. Yeah. Drew, you didn't know Doug Henning was, you jackass. Please. You've never seen so many things that other people have seen.

1:30:42 Drew But I'm just looking around this room where everyone's seen this one.

1:30:45 Adam All right. I don't want to get Doug in with Ann or Anderson over there. But there's a lot that they have not experienced in their life. All right.

1:30:55 Drew It's hard to imagine the man show audience that would watch Antique Roam Show.

1:30:58 Adam Okay.

1:30:59 Traci Lords Where are we going with all this anyway?

1:31:00 Adam It's a very popular show. Jesus Christ. Sophie? Yeah. All right. Anyway, I don't care anymore. I'm depressed. What do you want? Hurry.

1:31:09 Caller Okay. While I was calling for Dr. Drew, but obviously I could use your advice too. I've been sexually active since I was 15, not hardcore, but on and off. And men that I've been involved with, either whether it's a couple months at a time or four years at a time, there comes a point where I just get very unattractive to them sexually. And like listening to the girl before, what she was saying, she kind of has to fake it. Even with oral stimulation, I don't feel anything from it. And I was involved with a guy for almost three years, and he was a wonderful guy, a great guy, everything I could ever wanted. But I just became so sexually unattractive to him, and I'm wondering, is there something I can do for this?

1:31:56 Drew No, no, no, no, I think that's your body telling you something, I suspect, that you really are not into the relationship.

1:32:00 Adam That's not into any guys, though.

1:32:02 Caller Yeah, but I'm into guys.

1:32:04 Drew She's been in for a while.

1:32:05 Caller It's more for spurts, you know, and I don't want to be out there experimenting until I'm 70, until I find Mr. Right, you know. Right.

1:32:13 Drew Well, why don't you be more selective with who you get going with?

1:32:17 Caller Well, I do that too, and it just seems like they could be the greatest people, and I would be normally attracted to...

1:32:24 Adam What reason do you have for not being attracted to a guy? Did your dad abandon you? Are you scared of relationships?

1:32:32 Caller No.

1:32:32 Adam Everything good with men?

1:32:34 Drew Yeah.

1:32:35 Caller I have never...

1:32:35 Caller Well, I've had... I've had a really bad boyfriend when I was in high school who was physically and mentally abusive, you know, the traditional senior year, you know.

1:32:46 Drew That might have some continued impact on you, but I think more than anything, this is just that thing that young people don't know when the relationships are over.

1:32:53 Adam Yeah.

1:32:53 Drew That you stay on three years with something that should have lasted three months.

1:32:56 Caller Well, yeah, and like, you get to that two-and-a-half-year point, it's like, where is it going?

1:33:00 Adam Are you moving in?

1:33:00 Caller Are you getting married?

1:33:02 Drew No, no.

1:33:03 Caller You want to kind of back away from the relationship.

1:33:05 Drew Well, no, you actually need to be getting out far sooner. You need to first be more selective with who you get involved with, then be more honest with yourself about how you're actually feeling about that person.

1:33:14 Adam Or just start drinking those wine coolers and forget about it. Come on, princess, you're not that special. Please, everyone needs to date royalty? Come on now. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. I got to go decompress with this antique roadshow business, and we'll be back after this. Well, there you have it. Another fabulous episode of Loveline, Put the Bed. I want to thank Traci Lords for coming in here, and if you have it on your cable network, you can watch her on the Sci-Fi channel. It is eight o'clock. Monday nights. Thanks for coming in, and I don't think you've been here since I've been here.

1:34:30 Drew No, six years ago at least.

1:34:31 Adam Well, come back more often. You live pretty close, right? This was relatively painless, right?

1:34:36 Traci Lords I'll try to learn about the antique.

1:34:39 Adam Roadshow. Drew, you watch more PBS?

1:34:42 Caller I'll try.

1:34:42 Adam You'll find out who Huel Hauser is. Been on the air since you were 18.

1:34:47 Traci Lords Absolutely.

1:34:48 Caller All right.

1:34:49 Adam Fantastic.

1:34:49 Traci Lords We feel your pain.

1:34:51 Adam No one really truly does. I don't even feel it.

1:34:54 Drew Anymore.

1:34:54 Adam Well, I do sometimes. I start medicating. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:01 Caller This has been LoveLine. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for LoveLine is Ann Wilkins Dingle. LoveLine is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, January 14, 2001