Episode 1000754887255

4:29 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

4:38 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

4:40 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

4:43 Voiceover Loveline.

4:45 Adam Yes, it's a Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-F-E-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. He's hired already. I had a very relaxing weekend.

5:01 Wallace Langham Did you?

5:02 Adam Wallace Langham is our guest tonight, you know, from Veronica's Closet and also was on the Larry Sanders show, Veronica's Closet Tuesday nights, 930 NBC and Wallace is directing a few episodes.

5:17 Wallace Langham I got one that I'm directing and then maybe a co-directing kind of a thing at the end of the season. Yeah, it is fun.

5:24 Adam Well, it says here he's directed three pieces for the show.

5:28 Wallace Langham That would be one piece.

5:30 Drew Two upcoming.

5:30 Wallace Langham Yeah. Seven more to go.

5:31 Drew We'll have directed three.

5:33 Wallace Langham One scene, seven scenes to go.

5:34 Drew Just improper conjugation of the verb.

5:36 Adam I see. I'm still confused.

5:39 Drew We'll have, yeah.

5:41 Adam We'll have directed three pieces for the show, but what's the piece?

5:44 Wallace Langham It's a, they're doing a clip show. So it's like one of those like, remember the time when, doodly-doo, doodly-doo, that kind of thing. And so we're, they're trying to squeeze it into a, four shows into a three week production schedule. And so they've kind of hacked it up for me to direct.

6:00 Adam I see.

6:01 Wallace Langham So I got one scene out of eight done.

6:04 Adam And this is what, third season?

6:06 Yeah.

6:07 Adam And it's going along good?

6:08 Yeah.

6:09 Wallace Langham Yeah. We're having a great time. It's a lot of fun this year.

6:12 Adam Why is it funner this year?

6:13 Wallace Langham Well, we have people who know what they're doing.

6:16 Adam That's nice.

6:16 Wallace Langham As opposed to people who don't from last year.

6:18 Drew You had some new people come in to the cast too.

6:20 Wallace Langham We had Lorri Bagley come in, Ron Silver left.

6:23 Drew Lorri's been on this show a couple of times.

6:25 Wallace Langham She's a lot easier to look at than Ron.

6:27 I can't answer that.

6:30 Adam Lorri was on the TV and the radio, right?

6:33 Drew Yeah. She was on the radio?

6:34 Adam Yeah. That's right.

6:35 Wallace Langham We did both.

6:36 Drew Radio she sat quietly and didn't say a word.

6:38 Wallace Langham She was a little nervous. That was her first time ever.

6:40 Adam On the TV, she cracked open like a dike.

6:44 Drew Yeah, she kind of spilled wide open.

6:46 Wallace Langham Yeah, I think that's what a bottle of Jim Beam will do to you.

6:49 Adam Wow.

6:50 Yeah.

6:52 Adam Well, we know from doing this show whenever you hear that voice, trouble isn't far behind. But she's so nice to look at. It's easy to get past that.

7:06 Wallace Langham And it's not an act. So just keep reminding yourself.

7:09 Drew We know that.

7:10 Adam No, it's not an act, but in a way, in a very broad picture, in a cosmic way, it is the ultimate act.

7:17 Wallace Langham Absolutely.

7:18 Adam But not an act.

7:19 Drew No, but actually she was very interesting to me in that she was alluding to the fact that she had solved a problem. Oh, yeah. By finding a very high quality relationship. Remember this discussion we had? We actually talked about her for a while afterwards.

7:33 Adam Yes, we did.

7:34 Drew Right. A romantic relationship and our point is always that's sort of what she was alluding to. Yes.

7:39 Adam She didn't really come clean about exactly what Well, part of her message I think was just you know you have a prom, you just sort of pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and you take care of it.

7:48 Drew But other people, that connecting properly with other people can really help you get through stuff. Right.

7:52 Wallace Langham I didn't know if that was in a relationship context or whether that was more on a self-motivational kind of I felt it was on a self-motivational basis.

7:59 Drew That's what I got. I got relationship. Did you really? The reason I know that, the reason I thought that is because people that have serious stuff don't get out of it without a real connection with another person.

8:08 Adam Well, I agree with Lorri. I got to find a sugar daddy. That's the only way out of this mire called life for me. Are there any female sugar daddies?

8:19 Drew You'll find one. You'll find one. You've got a few TV shows now.

8:21 Wallace Langham Georgette Mossberger, maybe?

8:23 Adam Really?

8:23 Wallace Langham Possibly.

8:24 Who owns the Rams?

8:25 Wallace Langham Yeah, she owns the Rams, right? She's got some dough.

8:27 Adam Oh, well, she's changed her name too many times.

8:31 Drew It was Frontieri, or what it was when she was a kid.

8:34 Adam Well, it was Rose and Bloom, and I think, and then it was like, you know, her husband drowned in six inches of water with some mob connections or something. And then it was Frontieri, and then it turned to Frontier, and then it went to Frontier. And I don't know what it'll be next week, but she's going to look good in that Super Bowl ring. I'll tell you that right now.

8:57 Drew I was in St. Louis last week, running around the airport trying to get a connection. And my kids are getting nutty about football stuff, so I'm bringing back some Rams paraphernalia. You can't find anything of substance in that airport. They got like five t-shirts in every single little shop, same five. That's it. That's it.

9:12 Adam Yeah.

9:13 Drew Super Bowl Rams.

9:13 Adam Yeah, I know. And go to the Denver airport.

9:16 Drew Oh, forget it. That's what I did. Next same week, I was in Denver, I just brought a bunch of Denver stuff back.

9:21 Adam Yeah. And just get them on to Denver. Because this Rams thing is not going to last. You know, it's a real serious consideration as a parent, when you have boys especially, they're six, seven, eight years old, whatever you give them, whatever jersey, whatever helmet, whatever folder with the team logo on it, that's the team they're going to be into for maybe the rest of their life.

9:44 Wallace Langham Right. That's their boyhood team.

9:46 Adam Don't pick a crappy team. Pick a team that's got some legs. Pick a team that's got some tradition.

9:52 Wallace Langham You mean the LA Nets is not a good team to get my kid turned on to?

9:55 Adam Try to stay away from arena football is what I'm saying.

9:57 Wallace Langham I'm sorry. That indoor tennis might be good for him.

10:00 Adam No. No, that'll turn him. Wallace is also doing a voice in WB's upcoming animated series, Mission Hill, which I don't know about. What is Mission Hill?

10:15 Wallace Langham You just did your impersonation of America there. It's sort of like a, they're calling it a contemporama. It's a bunch of 24-year-old people who live downtown in an urban environment and...

10:27 Drew It's animated?

10:28 Wallace Langham Yeah.

10:28 Drew Cartoon.

10:29 Wallace Langham Yeah, cartoon. And they have a, they have neighbors Gus and Wally, a 60-year-old gay couple.

10:33 Adam And you're Wally.

10:35 Wallace Langham No, I'm Wally here.

10:37 Adam Yeah, you're Gus.

10:38 Wallace Langham Yeah. No, I'm not, I play Andy French, who's the...

10:41 Adam Yeah, which I'm staring at right now, but I just wasn't, wasn't, wasn't processing it.

10:46 Wallace Langham Please don't label me so early in the show.

10:48 Adam I'm sorry. So, yeah, but what the hell does Gus and Wally have to do with it if you're Andy?

10:53 Wallace Langham They're, they're, they're the next door neighbors. I was just trying to splash that in for a little...

10:57 Drew Show how interested Michelle's gonna be.

10:58 Wallace Langham Homosexual cred. Yeah, it's one of these ethnically diverse kind of cartoons and you get away more, apparently, in animation than you can in live action.

11:08 Adam Oh, yeah.

11:09 Wallace Langham That's one of them.

11:11 Adam Hey, I heard, I was watching 60 Minutes tonight and I heard the full, unabbreviated BS word used.

11:19 Drew Really?

11:20 Adam I think it is. Yeah. The guy said, can you say bull S on 60 Minutes? And apparently, you can.

11:27 Drew No, you can't say it on radio, though.

11:29 Adam No, and you can't, you can't say it in comedy. And that's the thing that's always driven me nuts. Why? In drama. I mean, when you watch NYPD Blue or, I don't know, one of these, the reality based reality based shows, you can, you can show ass, right? You can use a swear word, bitch, you can do what you want to do. Right. But if we try to do a sort of farce over on Comedy Central, we're limited from using any of that stuff.

11:59 Drew Well, it's similar in MTV. They have sexualized material and yet for us to discuss consequences of sexual behaviors, watch out.

12:06 Adam Right. It's always, but Drew, don't water down my point like you like to do.

12:10 Drew I think it's right.

12:11 Adam When it's a comedy.

12:11 Drew I'm supporting you.

12:12 Adam But in comedy, shouldn't you be able to use it?

12:14 Drew It's worse. No, it's worse in comedy.

12:15 Wallace Langham I hate that. He puts it through a clinical filter. That's all you're doing.

12:18 Adam He puts it through a crap filter.

12:19 Drew Hey, we were at the Jeopardy question last week, wasn't we?

12:22 Adam Yeah, I heard that.

12:23 Wallace Langham Hey, that's sweet. I've been to Jeopardy question before.

12:24 Adam Yeah. Who will be out of work in the next six months? Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew?

12:29 Wallace Langham No, what is Adam Carolla?

12:30 Adam What is? Yes.

12:31 Wallace Langham Who are? Please raise the question.

12:33 Adam Who are?

12:33 Wallace Langham Who are?

12:34 Adam Sandra?

12:35 Yeah?

12:35 Adam You're 16?

12:37 Caller Yes.

12:37 Adam What's up?

12:39 Caller Well, whenever me and my boyfriend have sex, his penis pops.

12:43 Adam Yeah.

12:44 Drew Like it explodes?

12:45 Caller No.

12:46 Wallace Langham It makes kind of like a crack?

12:47 Caller No, it pops, like a popping noise, like a bone.

12:50 Drew Yeah, like your knuckles cracking.

12:52 Wallace Langham I've actually had that happen.

12:54 Drew What? It's a common thing.

12:55 Caller Yeah.

12:57 Drew And there actually is a ligament there that can pop, just like any other ligament. And when there's an erection and you push downwards or inferiorly towards the feet, it will crack sometimes.

13:08 Caller But it's like not when he's having an erection. Like, oh, sorry. Never mind.

13:12 Drew Ma, hi, ma.

13:14 Adam Did your mom just walk in?

13:16 Caller No, I thought he said something else. Sorry.

13:19 Adam Well, yeah, it's when he has an erection, right? Yes. And you push it down and it cracks.

13:25 Caller Yeah.

13:26 Adam Okay.

13:26 Drew That's it.

13:27 Adam It's all right. It always happens.

13:28 Drew Yeah. What's the cause of it?

13:30 Wallace Langham Again, it's like when your knee kind of pops or knuckles crack.

13:35 Drew The tendons in the ligaments are what crack. And you've got one there that holds the penis up from falling down. And it can get the inflammation and the air socket in and it can pop just like that.

13:44 Wallace Langham It's kind of the towel rack ligament.

13:46 Drew Yeah.

13:46 Adam All right, Sandra.

13:47 Drew That's what it's called, in fact.

13:49 Adam You all right? It don't make that crunch sound anymore. It hurts my penis. It hurts. It's not the sound.

13:57 It's the image that goes with it.

13:59 Adam Listen, I used to be able to do that penis crack thing, too. But I can't do it anymore.

14:03 Wallace Langham I don't either.

14:04 Drew Now you've got arthritis in there.

14:06 Adam Is that what it is?

14:07 Caller Of course.

14:08 Adam And I'll tell you the bad part about the arthritis. It's the Bengay. When you rub that stuff on, it's just painful.

14:14 Wallace Langham Then you get an erection and it cracks again.

14:16 Drew And you get an aspar cream.

14:17 Robert? Yeah?

14:19 Adam You got the aspart right. You're 14. What's up?

14:22 Caller I masturbate with girls' panties. That's not...

14:25 Adam No, you don't, you idiot.

14:27 Caller I swear to God, bro.

14:29 Adam What do you do? Put them on your head or on your penis?

14:31 Caller I put them on.

14:33 Adam You put them on?

14:34 Caller Yeah.

14:34 Adam Then how do you get to your own junk with the panties on?

14:37 Caller What do you mean?

14:39 Adam You're wearing underwear, right?

14:40 Caller Yeah.

14:41 Adam How do you get to your penis?

14:43 Caller It just slaps out the side.

14:45 Adam I see.

14:46 Caller I just beat it.

14:47 Adam Where do you get the panties?

14:48 Caller From my cousins. Uh-huh.

14:50 Adam The girls?

14:51 Caller Yeah, of course.

14:52 Adam That's good.

14:53 Drew Yikes.

14:54 Adam That's perfectly normal, perfectly healthy adolescent behavior.

14:57 Drew Anything else going on?

14:59 Caller Like what?

15:00 Drew I don't know. Anything we need to know about your history?

15:03 Caller Well, I don't know if I was molested, but like my cousin was like, I don't know, she must have been like 10. I was like four and then she like, I don't know, we'd like get naked and like feel each other and stuff.

15:15 Adam You know, how do you have access, by the way, to your cousin's panties?

15:19 Caller I just like go over to their house and like grab them.

15:22 Wallace Langham So you don't ask about it, you just kind of steal it?

15:24 Caller Yeah.

15:25 Wallace Langham So you're a thief and a perv?

15:27 Caller I guess.

15:28 I've been called a perv before.

15:30 Drew I was reading some material tonight about animal behavior. And they were talking about how animals, and I don't know if there's a human behavior literature on this, but it sort of solidified some thinking about stuff we have been talking about for years on this show. And they talked about imprinting of sexuality. In other words, that in animals, if there's a long period of parenting dependence, like humans have, during that period, after infancy, there's an opportunity where if the right sort of stimulus comes in, it imprints them just the way, you know, like geese get imprinted when they're born, they see an human that becomes mom, that you can imprint sexuality on animals, both sexual orientation and sexual identity.

16:10 Adam How did they figure this out?

16:12 Drew It was by two-page, I've got to look into it, it's like a two-page reference and it was very weak. I didn't have a lot of data. But I thought, that is it. We always talk about how people get hardwired in their sexuality. What if we start thinking about it in terms of an imprinting process?

16:24 Adam Did someone do it intentionally or did someone just leave a playgirl in the monkey cage?

16:28 Drew No, this was being done. This was like raising, I forget the exact data, but basically it started with raising animals by different species and see what they got attracted to. They got attracted to the other species if they were in this critical period.

16:40 Adam Right.

16:40 Wallace Langham It certainly makes sense for humans.

16:41 Drew If they had only males around, they started doing this kind of thing. So instead of hardwiring, we started thinking about this as imprinting. Yeah. Then people still do have choices later, but the imprinting is very powerful.

16:53 Adam Right. That's why there's no rehabilitation for these folks as far as I'm concerned.

16:58 Drew What does it matter?

16:59 Wallace Langham It almost seems like it explains fetishes in a way.

17:02 Drew It's the same exact phenomenon.

17:03 Wallace Langham That's the first thing that came to mind. You see mommy in fishnets and you go, oh, I like that.

17:07 Drew It's at a critical time, boom. Then it's overwhelming feeling attached to it. It diverts the feeling and that's how it works.

17:14 Adam Well where it matters is when you get a hankering for young lads or something like that. How do you talk a 45 year old guy who has a real lust for 11 year old boys out of it? When that's sort of carved into a psyche with a buck knife. You think you're going to talk him out of that?

17:34 Drew No.

17:34 Adam No. That's why we have to fire up the furnace. Gene?

17:40 Drew Yeah.

17:40 Adam Wait till I'm in charge. I'll put you in charge of the furnace. Hey Adam, what's up?

17:45 Drew He said that with glee.

17:46 Adam You're 17.

17:47 Wallace Langham Just like the guy in the panties.

17:49 Caller Let's see. I like to have lots of sex with my girlfriend, right?

17:52 But she seems to only like Emily.

17:56 Wallace Langham And what's the problem?

17:57 I don't like it.

18:00 Wallace Langham It's kind of the antithesis of most American males who don't get it.

18:05 Adam Well, yeah, but most guys who are interested in that are mostly motivated by the fact that the girl doesn't want to do it. They want to soil them. And it's a little unnerving when she starts backing up toward your penis, yelling, this is the way I like it. It takes a lot of it out of it.

18:22 It's just gross, you know?

18:23 Caller Hey, Jamie, who you talking to?

18:25 What the hell, Gerald? Why the hell are you on the phone? Get the hell off.

18:28 Adam All right, hold on there, Gene. I'm sorry. Hold on a second. Gerald, I'm on the phone. Hold on. What is it? Like weird, bogus, screwed up night?

18:37 Drew Yeah, it's weird energy.

18:38 Adam I don't believe any of these idiots.

18:39 Wallace Langham It's open mic night on Loveline apparently.

18:41 Adam No kidding. Is it a full moon? That's what Anderson says.

18:44 Wallace Langham Yeah, it is.

18:45 Adam There it is.

18:45 Drew There you go.

18:46 Adam I'm not much into any of that cosmic crap, but I'll tell you, after doing this show, the full moon thing, I'm down with that.

18:52 Wallace Langham They come out.

18:53 Adam John? Well, they don't come out. They stay home and dial the phone. That's what I'm thinking. John?

19:00 Yeah.

19:00 Adam You're 14.

19:01 Caller Yeah. Adam, you kick ass.

19:03 Adam Thanks.

19:03 Caller Man show rules.

19:05 Adam Thank you. Okay.

19:06 Caller Whenever I would-

19:06 Drew He's your core audience for the man show, by the way. John, you're 14.

19:09 Adam Fine. I'm sure he's got a lot of consumer dollars to spend.

19:12 Drew By the way, speaking of imprinting.

19:14 Adam Yes.

19:15 Drew Guy knows what that's going to do to poor John Sack.

19:16 Adam Very healthy.

19:17 Wallace Langham My 10-year-old son has a request for an autograph from one of your juggies. By the way. So we're going to talk about that later.

19:23 Drew Oh my God.

19:24 Wallace Langham I just found this out today.

19:25 Adam That's good. That's very healthy.

19:27 Drew Did you immediately just throw the TV out the window?

19:29 Wallace Langham No. His sister said, Alex has a crush on a juggie. I'm like, well, first of all, what's a juggie? No offense to you. And he said, oh, it's a girl on the man show.

19:40 Adam Nice rack. Well, we'll find out.

19:42 Drew There's something vaguely.

19:44 Adam I mean, we'll find out which one it is. And I'll tell you, because you're a celebrity and we're friendly, I'll do better in the autograph. I'll have her come by and give him a rubdown or something. Nothing sexual. Nothing sexual.

19:56 Wallace Langham Hey, as long as it's in printing, I'm fine with that.

19:59 Drew It sort of replaced the playboy.

20:01 Wallace Langham Yeah, you're going one step further.

20:03 Adam All right, John.

20:04 Caller Yeah.

20:05 Adam All right. So what's you get acne when you masturbate a lot?

20:10 Caller Yeah.

20:11 Caller If I masturbate for a couple of days, like once a day, I'll get acne.

20:15 But if I don't masturbate for a couple of days, I'll start to go away.

20:20 Wallace Langham Isn't that hormonal?

20:21 Drew I mean, doctor? People have tried to correlate acne with this kind of thing, and it doesn't correlate.

20:26 Wallace Langham My father used to call them jack-off bumps.

20:28 Drew No. It doesn't correlate.

20:29 Wallace Langham It doesn't work that way.

20:30 Adam Talk about imprinting.

20:33 Drew We know how it's worked.

20:35 Wallace Langham Did I say that out loud?

20:37 Drew Wallace came about.

20:40 Adam Dad was looking to clear up the skin, so he got it with mom.

20:42 Wallace Langham Thank God for Cleosin.

20:44 Drew But John, no. There are very effective treatments for acne, and you ought to avail yourself of them. Cleosin, Wallace mentioned, is a topical antibiotic. There's also benzoyl peroxide preparations. You can start over the counter. Tetracyclines are still used, and ultimately, Accutane if you need a treatment. But there really is no correlation with sexual activity.

21:00 Caller Yeah, because I did it for like two weeks, and I didn't do it for two weeks.

21:03 Adam Yeah, we're not interested. We're just not. I know our listeners and callers like to do sort of clinical studies on themselves, but really, it doesn't make any sense. It never does.

21:16 Drew There's also no correlation with greasy foods, chocolates, caffeine, all the things that have been tempted to be.

21:21 Wallace Langham Lack of sleep?

21:24 Drew To my understanding, they've attempted to correlate with these things, but stress is more about touching your face and not washing your face. There are other things associated with stress that may help this happen.

21:33 Adam Listen, everything is genetic. Whether you're fat or have zits or have big muscles or no muscles or beautiful hair or greasy hair, whatever it is, all genetics. It's always been about greasy foods or chocolate or this or that. It's all genetics. The best thing you can do if you have zits is not to pick at them. That's about it. Get treatment. Get your treatment.

21:58 Drew There's absolutely no reason in this day and age while people should have them. They're completely treatable.

22:02 Adam But I do think the only factor I can think of that is even close to significant is stress. I think when you stress out, stuff starts happening. It's never good.

22:14 Drew In health in general.

22:15 Adam Yes. Whether it's your hair falling out or whatever it is.

22:18 Drew Let me just say quickly. I'm going to be in the chat rooms at drdrew.com. I'll be in there in about five minutes. Distribute yourself across the various chat rooms and you can use those chats as a way to get through to me and Adam to ask questions if you can't get through on the phone line. So it's chat rooms at drdrew.com and I'll be watching them and taking some questions off of those chats.

22:35 Caller All right.

22:35 Adam I hope this doesn't involve me reading. Dave?

22:37 Drew No, I'll read for you.

22:38 Caller Thank you.

22:39 Adam Well, you just do the big words. I can do the smaller ones. Dave, you're 16.

22:44 Caller Yeah?

22:44 Adam What do you want?

22:45 Caller I'm wondering if a shrooms is better than doing acid.

22:49 Drew Well?

22:50 Adam Probably, yeah.

22:51 Drew It's like hitting yourself with a mallet as opposed to a frying pan over the head. But in my experience, acid does a lot more damage than mushroom. God, there's a great piece of data that came out in XC the other day that shows pet scanning of the serotonin receptors, serotonin pathways in the brain. Right. It's just like shut down for years after ecstasy exposure, even modest ecstasy exposure. Really? Yeah. So that leads to depression? Depression, which is exactly what I'm seeing. I see it from acid even more so. Not so much as mushroom, interestingly, and it's a weaker hallucinogenic, and people tend not to use much of it.

23:23 Adam People don't do it enough to ever get any data.

23:26 Wallace Langham Because you can't get them anywhere, man.

23:28 Drew And it's awful, dude.

23:29 Adam I can set you up, Wallace.

23:30 Caller Awesome.

23:31 Drew That's cool.

23:31 Caller Is there like any brain damage that it can do?

23:34 Drew Yes. It appears that all the drugs that are primary hallucinogenics cause brain damage. And memory problems have been documented, and mood disturbances, panic, anxiety, those sorts of things, and they can be permanent.

23:46 Adam Hey, Dave. Yeah? Here's the catch-22. The people like yourself that are hell-bent on doing them are the people who should be doing them the least. You should be on a strict diet of exercise and carrot juice, and even then, even then, you probably are not going to walk away with a four-year degree in this lifetime. Now your chances, which we're slim, of being a success in this society, will go to none because you're hell-bent on screwing up your brain even more, and you didn't have that much work with in the beginning. That is the sad irony of this situation. Dave, you should put a helmet on. Right now, you should get a special post-traumatic mattress, and you shouldn't use your brain for anything other than important thinking.

24:29 Wallace Langham Do you think you'd need one of those harnesses?

24:31 Adam No, just the helmet.

24:33 Wallace Langham Okay.

24:34 Adam That's what I'm saying. I mean, I know this sounds cruel, but I say a lot of these things. I know a lot of really intelligent people, and really intelligent people can beat themselves up a little and kind of get away with it.

24:47 Wallace Langham Right.

24:48 Adam They can do blow for a few years. They can do booze for a while. They can get strung out on this or that. And then, lo and behold, they get off it and they're kind of back.

24:56 Wallace Langham Yeah, right.

24:57 Adam You show me a guy who's a little marginal in the thinking department. Now, you introduce a ton of weed and a ton of acid, and I'll show you guys not even going to be able to work at the video store.

25:07 Caller Yeah.

25:09 Drew There he is.

25:10 Adam It's true. I mean, I don't know. We never work it from this angle, but listen, a guy with 155 IQ, he can do it.

25:17 Wallace Langham He can do a few drugs.

25:18 Drew Maybe.

25:18 Adam No, I know these guys. They'll lower themselves down to 135 and still beat you out for the job.

25:23 Wallace Langham Yeah.

25:24 Adam But when you're hovering in the mid 80s, low 90s, and you start toking out every day, now you're screwed.

25:31 Wallace Langham Do you like fries with that?

25:33 Caller There you go. All right.

25:34 Adam Wallace Langham is our guest tonight from Veronica's Closet. He's going to be directing a few pieces in that show I hear. We're going to take a little break, and when we come back, we'll speak to Lorena, who's 13, obsessed with contacting people through classified ads. 13. 13 wants to know if this is bad. Unless she's trying to buy a bike out of the Recycler, this is going to be tragic after this.

26:05 Caller We'll be right back with more Loveline.

26:35 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Wallace Langham is our guest tonight from Veronica's Closet, Tuesday nights, 930 NBC. Going on its third successful season, and Drew is over there putzing around on his computer.

26:55 Drew I got a couple of questions off drdrew.com chats.

26:57 Adam You do.

26:57 Drew One was, I don't know how often we can talk about this, but one was, does pulling out decrease your risk of pregnancy? Yes and no.

27:06 Adam Well, it decreases it technically as opposed to having your orgasm inside the person.

27:12 Drew But it doesn't eliminate it.

27:13 Adam But it increases it because the practice of it as opposed to using a condom, is going to get them pregnant eventually.

27:20 Drew Absolutely. God knows. Please, have we talked enough lately about the morning after pill?

27:27 Adam Go ahead.

27:27 Drew Hurry. We're not talking about RU-46. We're not talking about an abortion pill. We're talking about your birth control pill, taken after sex. It can be taken two pills within 72 hours by the protective intercourse, two periods 12 hours later. Prevent, plan B. These are the products. Keep them in your medicine cabinet in case you have a pullout session.

27:45 Adam Right.

27:45 Drew Then you should use the morning after pill.

27:47 Adam I visited my grandmother today. My grandmother, her favorite thing is just embarrassing me with sex talk.

27:54 Wallace Langham Really?

27:55 Adam Yeah.

27:55 Wallace Langham She has no bones? She just kind of busts out with it?

27:57 Adam She busts out with it.

27:58 Wallace Langham Give me an example.

28:00 Drew The dinner table.

28:01 Adam The list is just as long as my arm. She said to me, well she said a few great ones. One is I want to know if I knew what a rim job was.

28:11 Drew The dinner table.

28:12 Adam How old is she? She's 85 now. That's sweet. One time after my grandfather passed away, she said they were together for 50 years. She's going to kick my ass for this because she sits home and listens to the show. Hi. And she takes notes, okay? Now, not notes, not copious notes. I think it just says Bust Adam's Balls On. And that's how the note, you know like those scratch pads that say From the Desk of? Yes. Her says, Bust Grandson's Balls On. And then she just makes a little note there. Making fun of the elderly, grandpa, making fun of the gays, blah, blah, and then I show up once a week and she literally pulls the list out and we go through it. So today, well one of her classics was, she said, you know, she was grieving and mourning because her and my grandfather, they were in love and they were together for 50 years and he passed away and a couple of days after, that's a few weeks. Maybe she said, you know, the problem is everywhere I turn in the house, I see something that reminds me of your grandfather. I go to the closet. I see one of his overcoats hanging. I go into the den. I open a file. I see some manuscript he wrote. I go into the bathroom. I see the vaginal lubricant. Whoa. Wow. I was like, okay, could we just left it in the den? We have to get the lubricant part.

29:39 Wallace Langham So she says, wait, your grandfather had a vagina?

29:43 Caller Now you're going to hell. I'm sorry.

29:45 Adam Grandma, I didn't say that.

29:47 Wallace Langham No, let me take the bullet.

29:48 Adam Yeah.

29:48 Wallace Langham That's Wallace Langham buying that one.

29:51 Adam Your child should be taken away for that kind of comment. So she says today, I know how you hate the thought of the elderly having sex.

30:01 Wallace Langham Sweet.

30:02 Adam She opens with that one. I go, listen, I don't hate it. It's just not something I prefer to think about. Well, they have a lot of sex.

30:08 Wallace Langham Good for her.

30:09 Drew I like that.

30:10 Adam Then she reads a quote from a magazine from the woman who was, I don't know if she won the Oscar, was nominated last year for Titanic.

30:19 Drew Oh, right.

30:19 Wallace Langham She was nominated.

30:20 Adam Yeah. She must be 89 or something like that. I masturbate all the time. I don't care who knows it.

30:28 Drew She said that in the article?

30:29 Adam This is what the article says. My grandmother's now quoting this to me. And I'm thinking, I didn't say this, but I'm thinking, hey, grandma, I got to jack off in like an hour and a half when I get home.

30:40 Drew She knows all about it.

30:41 Wallace Langham Exactly.

30:41 Adam This is going to add 30 seconds to it, by the way. Could make it better, but it's going to add 30 to 45 seconds to this afternoon session.

30:49 Wallace Langham Now you've got your holding image. Right, right.

30:52 Adam And why I got to be beat over the head with the Saxon elderly conversation? It just drove me insane. I don't... listen, all you old people want to get it on? Fine. Just don't film yourself and don't tell me about it.

31:04 Wallace Langham And don't put out a magazine about it.

31:06 Adam Right.

31:07 Drew Why not?

31:08 Adam No. I'm not interested.

31:10 Drew That's a cultural bias.

31:11 Adam Fine. I'm part of culture. Lorena?

31:14 Hello?

31:14 Adam You're 13.

31:15 Caller Oh, hi.

31:17 Adam Thanks for so much.

31:18 Hello?

31:18 Adam Oh, you know, the other good one she said was she goes, you know, there's a lot of lesbianism going on in these old age homes.

31:25 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of stuff about that.

31:28 Adam I said, OK, do we have to get it? Yeah, here's what goes on. You know, all these guys, all the guys, you know, they marry women that are 10 years younger than they are, and then they kick off 10 years before women do. And so there's all these widows just hanging around.

31:43 Drew Right.

31:43 Adam And so here is a whole home with nothing. You know, there's one guy and there's 35 women, and they're lonely and they're seeking some attention. And I said, I don't know how I phrased it, but I basically said to my grandma, I said, Oh, one guy, 35 women. I got something to look forward to. And she goes, no, you'll be dead. She said, you're not going to be that guy. I love that. I was like, all right. Jesus Christ, you can't even go along on that one.

32:11 Wallace Langham I do want to see that magazine, though.

32:13 Adam Lorena?

32:14 Hello?

32:14 Adam You're 13, so what's up?

32:16 Caller Oh, hi. Thanks for taking my call. I love you guys. Okay, I'm like, I guess I'm obsessed with contacting people through like classifieds and magazines.

32:27 Adam Yeah.

32:28 Drew For what purpose?

32:29 Caller Just like, well, like, it's just like write them letters and stuff. It's just like-

32:33 Wallace Langham Is it like pen pal kind of stuff? And do you go for like freaky classified kind of stuff?

32:38 Caller No, like, like, you know, there'll be ones like, of like people in prison, like asking for women. I never write to those, but like I do it a lot. So I'm wondering if that's all.

32:47 Drew You just write them?

32:48 Caller Yeah.

32:49 Drew You don't make contact in the other way?

32:51 Caller No.

32:51 Adam And what is a typical exchange correspondence for you like?

32:58 Caller Well, like they're like punk scenes and stuff.

33:01 Adam Punk scenes?

33:02 Caller Yeah.

33:03 Adam Those are magazines for punks? Yeah.

33:06 Caller Well, they're called scenes because like they're independent and everything.

33:08 Wallace Langham Yeah, right. So it's like people your own age pretty much, right?

33:11 Caller No.

33:12 Wallace Langham They're older?

33:13 Caller Well, yeah, definitely.

33:14 Wallace Langham Like way older than you?

33:15 Caller Well, yeah. There's no 13-year-old punks.

33:17 Wallace Langham Okay. And then, well, I don't know. They're not?

33:19 Adam I thought you had to be.

33:20 Wallace Langham Yeah. I think isn't that when you start?

33:22 Adam Yeah.

33:24 Wallace Langham It's when you get your membership.

33:25 Adam Yeah. 13, right? You punk kids, get out of here. You're not talking to a bunch of guys in their 40s.

33:33 Wallace Langham Yeah. Yeah. Nothing worse than a 40-year-old punk rocker.

33:36 Adam So, are you a punk rocker?

33:39 Caller No, but, like, I'm just, it's just like a bunch of people that I...

33:43 Wallace Langham I give you two years.

33:44 Drew All right.

33:44 Adam So, I don't understand this. You're not a punk rocker. You're not interested in meeting these people. You're having correspondence with them.

33:52 Drew What does that do for you?

33:54 Caller Well, I guess, like, I'm just, like, really lonely and stuff. And so, we'll just, like, talk. And it's pretty lame.

33:59 Drew Do you spend time in chat rooms, that kind of thing, on the computer?

34:01 Caller No, I don't have a computer.

34:03 Drew But you would be doing that kind of thing. She would be.

34:05 Wallace Langham Yeah, she was online. Now, what exactly do you correspond about? It's just like, hey, how are you?

34:12 Wallace Langham What?

34:14 Wallace Langham What is it exactly?

34:15 Caller Okay, well, they put, like, classifieds in, and it's, like, all free. So, they'll just, like, go, like, write me, you know? I have nothing to do. And, like, I'll just, like, write them. And I'll, like, go, like, oh, I like this band. And it's like, you know, this is the stuff I'm into. You want to, like, just, like, talk, whatever.

34:28 Adam Are they girls and guys?

34:30 Caller Yeah. And they're, like, ages, like, like, 16, 30, I guess.

34:35 Drew Why are you so lonely?

34:36 Caller Um, I don't know. It's just, like...

34:39 Adam Lorraine, you need a pony. I've never said that before on this show, but you really do need a pony.

34:45 Wallace Langham We could get a telethon going.

34:47 Adam Yeah, let's all see what we can raise tonight. Absolutely. You need a wildfire. Hey, uh, Lorraine.

34:52 Caller Yeah?

34:54 Adam Although this is much healthier than anything our, any of our other callers do... Wildfire? Uh, yes?

35:00 Caller You want to gamble? I could recommend it. You know, like, it's not that bad.

35:05 Adam It's no fun gambling on people that want us to gamble on them.

35:08 Drew We understand what you're telling us.

35:09 Adam It's kind of like the anal sex thing we got in earlier. I only want to sodomize people that are running.

35:17 Drew Yeah, no, the whole point...

35:19 Adam There you go.

35:20 Drew Lorraine, the deal with the gambling was the whole reason we sort of invented that was to get past people's defense systems. If you're open and telling us that's what went on with it, we understand that.

35:29 Adam Okay, so she probably had some abuse, maybe a little physical, maybe a little sexual. She doesn't even have a computer. That's its own form of abuse in this day and age.

35:36 Drew I should have asked how many telephones I have.

35:37 Adam No pony. And she has to correspond with, not convicts, but punk rockers.

35:43 Wallace Langham With, wait a minute, on paper?

35:44 Drew Soon to be convicts?

35:45 Adam With pen and ink? Bizarre.

35:47 Wallace Langham Come on.

35:47 Adam I don't know. In a way, it's sad. On the other hand, I think, well, healthy. She's writing letters and it's sort of a non-sexual way, but she's got to make friends. It's school and she needs a best friend. She needs a buddy. She needs to meet somebody.

36:00 Drew It's a great point.

36:00 Adam She's one person she can confide in. Who's not 27 and has a van, but who's 13 or 14.

36:10 Drew That's exactly right.

36:11 Adam Find a friend. Trevor.

36:13 Caller Hey, what's up?

36:13 Adam You're 14.

36:15 Caller What's up, guys?

36:16 Adam Thank God I dodged that whole correspondence thing by not learning how to write. My parents were right. It did pay dividends. What's up there, Trevor?

36:26 Caller I made a mistake. See, I was going out with this girl and...

36:31 Adam Hold on. Are you on a ship right now? What are you in?

36:35 Caller Nothing. I'll get off.

36:36 Adam Well, stop bouncing around. What are you on?

36:38 Wallace Langham Crawl out of the barrel that you put yourself in.

36:40 Caller All right.

36:42 Caller Now, what did you do?

36:43 Caller All right. I had sex with this girl, okay?

36:46 Caller Yeah.

36:46 Caller And then I cheated on her and I had sex with this other girl.

36:50 Caller Yeah.

36:51 Caller And she had a boyfriend. And her boyfriend is like kind of like weird and psycho. And he says he's going to like come and kill me.

37:00 Drew That's nice.

37:02 Caller Yeah.

37:03 Drew Why don't you tell somebody that this threat has been made?

37:05 Caller Yeah. I just told my friend and I haven't told no one else. Just my friend.

37:12 Drew Does he go to school where you go to school?

37:14 Caller Where do I go to school?

37:15 Drew Does he go to school with you?

37:16 Caller Yeah.

37:17 Drew Can you tell somebody at school, a teacher or somebody you trust?

37:20 Caller Yeah. I think I'm going to do that when I get to school.

37:23 Drew And maybe be a little more responsible with your relationships.

37:26 Caller Yeah. I kind of messed up.

37:28 Drew You're hurting women when you do this, too. You hurt his girlfriend. You hurt your girlfriend and you hurt him and you're hurting yourself.

37:33 Adam And let me explain something. At 14, you're way too stupid to cheat successfully, you know what I mean? It's hard to cheat now as an adult.

37:41 Drew Hone your skills at 17 and then you'll be fine.

37:43 Adam Well, no. I just mean if you really think about it, the cornerstone of cheating is deceit. I mean, what you have to do is do something to someone, have them not say anything, have the person you're with not find out. And as we all know, at 14, no way. No. No possible way.

38:00 Drew The other thing I'll tell you, we don't distinguish in our culture between healthy sex and unhealthy sex.

38:05 Adam No, it's just sex.

38:06 Drew It's all sex and it's either all bad or all good. But there actually is unhealthy, which is what our little gentleman is engaging in here, Trevor, is that his name?

38:13 Adam Yes.

38:14 Drew And in this healthy, which he could have sort of cultivated with his girlfriend. It is even a 14. I doubt about it. That's sort of unhealthy by definition.

38:23 Adam All right. I want to talk to a coherent adult, Drew. I'm done with these 13 year olds. There's Lauren. Yeah, there we go. Lauren. Well, I don't know.

38:33 Caller How are you?

38:34 Adam Hey, you're 33. What's up?

38:35 Caller Yeah, I'll try to be as coherent as possible. I like you guys a lot. Thanks. You really helped me.

38:41 Caller Thanks.

38:43 Caller I have depression. I've had it for 12 years. I'm currently on Selexa and my doctor said it's not working. He wants to put me on an MAO inhibitor and if that doesn't work, he wants to give me ECT.

38:57 Drew You've been tried on a bunch of antidepressants.

38:59 Caller I'm sorry?

39:00 Drew You've been tried on a bunch of antidepressants.

39:02 Caller Yeah, throughout the years.

39:03 Adam So he wants to give you electroshock therapy?

39:05 Caller Yes.

39:06 Adam And what was the inhibitor?

39:09 Drew Monamine oxidase inhibitors.

39:11 Caller Yeah, he wants to put me on Parnate.

39:13 Drew Yeah, those are good medicines, Nardil Parnate, but they're old-fashioned, and they're powerful. Lots of side effects, difficult to use, interact with everything else. Right. But it's worth a try.

39:24 Adam But now we're talking about serious stuff, right?

39:26 Drew It's a pretty heavy medicine.

39:27 Adam So it's like, you start with the usual stuff.

39:30 Wallace Langham Like a Zoloft or a Well Buter or something like that.

39:32 Adam And then you move on to this stuff, which is a little more heavy-duty. Like, that would be beer. This would be hard liquor, and the electroshock is now getting an Everclear. And we're getting just pure-grain alcohol.

39:44 Drew But the shock therapies are amazingly effective.

39:47 Adam That's what I hear.

39:49 Drew Amazingly.

39:51 Caller I'm wondering, should I just skip over the MAO? Because I could get a stroke if I eat the wrong thing.

39:57 Caller Should I just skip over that?

39:58 Drew No, don't skip over it. Actually, the aged cheeses and the chocolates and all that stuff you worry about with the MAO inhibitors is not that big a deal. I've ended up consulting from a medical standpoint on people on these medicines and I've seen some mild blood pressure reactions to it and never anything serious and treated hundreds of people on that medicine. They're good medicine. It's just hard to use.

40:20 Adam What's wrong with just going for the shock therapy?

40:24 Drew You have to have anesthesia. It's a serious procedure. There's a lot of memory problems that go on for a while afterwards. Young people recoup it all.

40:32 Adam Aren't they trying to shock a few of those memories out of you? Your uncle on top of you.

40:36 Drew I don't know what's going on, but it seems to be something far too far.

40:38 Adam Dan taken to the basement. Aren't they trying to get that out of you? How does that shock therapy work?

40:44 Drew Basically, it runs a current through the brain that causes the brain cells to release a bunch of chemicals, the same chemicals that these antidepressant medicines cause to release.

40:51 Wallace Langham But in a higher dosage?

40:53 Drew Much more powerfully.

40:54 Wallace Langham How long does it last?

40:55 Drew Sometimes permanent. Because people who get ECT usually have recurrent depressions, the probability is things are going to recur anyway. But they can be stable for many, many years.

41:05 Adam How about I get a little shot of that?

41:06 Drew I've thought about recommending it to you.

41:08 Adam Really? What if I just put my schlong in a flashlight and unscrew the top and put my schlong down there? Could I get something out of that?

41:16 Wallace Langham You could be like the new Uncle Fester.

41:18 Adam Yeah, I could have a light bulb in my mouth.

41:21 Drew We've got to go to break.

41:21 Adam No, but Drew, seriously, what would that, something like that, do for...

41:26 Drew Put your schlong in a current?

41:27 Adam No, not that. I mean, like shock therapy for someone who is relatively healthy. Would it release the same thing? Or have those things already been released?

41:37 Drew It's a good question. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. Those things are already releasing normally, so you would do something extra normal, obviously.

41:45 Adam Would you be in that much better?

41:47 Drew Would you make them panic or?

41:48 Wallace Langham You turn into Lisa Gibbons, I think is what would happen.

41:51 Adam Put a bunch of pictures of myself up in my green room. Is that what happens? Jesus Christ. You ever done that show?

41:56 Caller No.

41:57 Adam Her green room, and she's a nice woman. I have no beef with her except for the green room. Her green room has four or 5,000 pictures of her up. I mean, they had to actually take the thermostat off the wall because there was no more room for pictures just to squeeze in a head shot.

42:16 Wallace Langham The light switch is actually her nose.

42:19 Adam I don't want to tell you what the thermostat is, but I enjoyed changing the temperature in that room.

42:23 Drew She's with other people.

42:24 Wallace Langham Ding dong.

42:24 Adam It's her. She's laying across a longboard with five Samoans holding her above her head. It's her on the set with the persons holding back the tears and her with a very concerned look on her face. It's her and her kids. It's her and her grandparents. It's her, her, her, her, and her. She may not have put it all up, but if that were my show and I walked into that dress room and saw 7,000 pictures of myself in different, bizarre, yet contrived poses, I would be very upset and ask that they take out, take down at least 2,800 of them to make room for some other things like the wall. I just, little alarm went off when I saw that. That's all. She's a nice woman. I've not noticed anything wrong with her.

43:10 Drew You'll never be on our show again.

43:11 Adam I may never be on our show again, but that's the only thing I've noticed. All right. Well, yes.

43:16 Drew I guess I had great questions off the chats at drdrew.com, but we'll discuss them after we get back.

43:20 Adam All right. Wallace Langham is our guest from Veronica's Closet. We'll be back after this.

43:26 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

43:55 Adam It's the Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew, Wallace Langham is our guest tonight from Veronica's Closet, Tuesday Nights, 930 NBC. I see that Caprice, supermodel Caprice, who's on the cover of this or next month's Playboy is gonna be in here tomorrow night. I took a look at that, she looks extra good in it. So we'll have a lovely time speaking with Caprice.

44:20 Wallace Langham Is she all naked in it?

44:22 Adam Yep, she's buck naked in it and she's all greased up and it's really, it's very attractive. Your son would enjoy it, he really would.

44:30 Wallace Langham All right, now you're putting the card before the horse, my man.

44:32 Adam All right, I'll tell ya. I don't even know, you know, when I was growing up, it was like, you know, actually it was, about all you could hope for is a penthouse. That was about as far as it got.

44:45 Wallace Langham I was happy for the JC. Penney lingerie section of the catalog. Absolutely.

44:50 Adam Yeah, my main source of pornography as a youngin was they had those newspaper, those black and white, like LA Star, whatever Las Vegas has, Nudity Magazine, you know, they had those out on those racks. And if you punched a thing hard and yanked it, it's like pop and yanked it at the same time.

45:13 Wallace Langham The whole front would fall open.

45:15 Adam Yeah, you could pop the thing open, you get a couple of those, and they had like, the chicks had stars over their nipples.

45:22 Wallace Langham That's right.

45:22 Adam But you could get a marker and draw the nipple back in. It was black and white, it was a little bit grainy. But I mean, it was, you know, pornography was it, you know, I'm guessing it was like World War II with like meat rations and things. That's what pornography was. I mean, it was few and far between. If you had it, you certainly didn't lend it out or throw it around.

45:44 Wallace Langham It was very closeted for most of our childhood. And then it kind of blew open in a way. In like, I don't know.

45:52 Drew Are you going to sit down with your 10-year-old and talk to him?

45:55 Wallace Langham I don't know what to talk to him about at this point.

45:56 Drew Now's your chance. You got to do it between 8 and 12. Sure. That's your time.

45:59 Wallace Langham What exactly, what advice would you give?

46:01 Adam Vaginas are bad.

46:02 Wallace Langham Just, yeah, they have teeth down there.

46:05 Adam That's how you start it.

46:06 Drew Just start, just open it up. Just find someone to let him drive it.

46:09 Adam Absolutely.

46:10 Wallace Langham No, I think he has a healthy appreciation.

46:13 Drew Start with a juggy and just see where it goes.

46:15 Adam Right. Do you want me to have Vanessa explain, that's the juggy. Yeah. And Wallace's son like, I'll give you his number. She can sit down and explain to him why sex is bad.

46:24 Wallace Langham Oh my God. I'll let you videotape this for the show.

46:27 Adam I think it'll be awesome. Now, does he have a VCR in his room?

46:31 Wallace Langham No. No.

46:32 Adam But in the house? Yeah.

46:33 Wallace Langham But it's in the main living area. He hasn't gone that... No.

46:38 Adam No. Not yet. Not yet. No.

46:39 Wallace Langham I'm sure. It's going to be someday. Mom, I'm in here.

46:42 Adam All I'm saying is every punk kid in the country has an older brother or bought one at a liquor store or whatever.

46:49 Caller Oh my God.

46:51 Wallace Langham Absolutely.

46:51 Adam I mean, oh Taboo 2. But I was 19 when I saw Taboo 2.

46:56 Wallace Langham I remember watching Insatiable because my friend's dad had it or something like that.

47:02 Adam But when we were even, even I remember being 16, 17, nobody had a VCR. We had to set up a Super 8 projector.

47:11 Drew How do you?

47:11 Wallace Langham Oh, it was like a stag film.

47:13 Adam Yeah.

47:13 Wallace Langham I'll be 35.

47:14 Drew So you're right.

47:15 Adam Right.

47:16 Drew Hey, let me get some of the questions I got.

47:17 Adam My idiot dad went to the radio shack and got a beta when I was like 19 and a half. Oh, he's such an idiot. Sorry.

47:25 Drew The question I got at the chat was, when is that male oral contraceptive pill coming out? I don't know, but the most encouraging dad I've seen is on a medicine called nifedipine, which is a commonly used blood pressure medicine they're starting to study now that basically paralyzes sperm.

47:37 Adam Will you take it every day like that? Oh, forget that. Please.

47:41 Wallace Langham You'll never get anybody to do it.

47:42 Adam Listen, here's the problem. Men have to work. We have to do stuff. We got to build bridges and skyscrapers.

47:48 Drew You can't be messing around with pills.

47:49 Adam We got to fight wars. We can't take a pill every day.

47:51 Wallace Langham Unless it's Viagra, then we'll take that pill.

47:53 Adam That's fine. Susan?

47:55 Caller Yeah?

47:56 Adam You're 14.

47:57 Caller That's me.

47:58 Caller Hi.

47:59 Adam What's up, Spunky?

48:01 Caller Well, I am just discovered sort of a new love for F&M a little bit.

48:09 Adam Very, very healthy, very appropriate at 14.

48:12 Caller Thank you.

48:13 Adam We like to see kids into it about 12 or 13, but sometimes 14.

48:16 Wallace Langham Maybe that's a chat I need to have with my son right now.

48:18 Adam You should start keeping a list, Wallace. You've got to write this down. So you've discovered S&M?

48:25 Caller Yeah, I just started getting into a little bit because one of my friends was sort of into it.

48:29 Wallace Langham How old is this friend?

48:31 Fifteen.

48:33 Wallace Langham Wow.

48:34 Drew Let me understand this.

48:35 Caller Yeah, one of my friends is sort of into it.

48:37 Drew You're just into the paraphernalia or you have a boyfriend and you're doing this with him?

48:40 Caller I have a boyfriend.

48:41 Caller Well, we're not having sex.

48:43 Caller We're just like.

48:44 Drew So you're into all the paraphernalia and stuff?

48:46 Adam Yeah. What do you mean? What does he have? A can of nine tails?

48:50 Caller No.

48:51 Caller What?

48:52 Caller I like to just like hurt and be hurt mostly. Like not real hardcore stuff at all, just like biting a little bit and stuff like that.

49:02 Adam Sure.

49:03 Caller Yeah.

49:05 Caller And yeah.

49:08 Caller Yeah.

49:10 Wallace Langham Is she in the bath right now?

49:12 Caller No.

49:13 Adam You're at a Japanese restaurant? What's that goddamn water going on there? Why do I have to feel like I'm going to drown every time I go in a Japanese restaurant? There's koi hanging off the ceiling and all of waterfalls everywhere. Those people ought to relax with the water. All right. So Susan.

49:28 Caller I'm kind of nervous.

49:29 Adam I understand. Did anyone beat on you when you were younger?

49:33 Caller No.

49:33 Adam No. Everyone was good to you?

49:34 Caller Yeah. I think what it sort of is, is I'm bisexual.

49:38 Adam Oh, OK. Well, hold on.

49:39 Caller I swear to God, I've never been beat or anything.

49:41 Adam Somebody did something to you. Come on.

49:43 Caller No. No. I swear.

49:44 Adam Where's your dad?

49:45 Caller Um, asleep upstairs.

49:48 Adam Upstairs? Is that code for prison?

49:51 Caller No. No.

49:51 Adam He's upstairs.

49:52 Caller Like, yeah, in the house.

49:54 Adam All right. Well, let me explain. No one did anything to you. Sometimes nothing causes this stuff, too. Is your dad work a lot? Is he on the road? Is he driving a truck?

50:02 Caller It's totally cool.

50:03 Adam Good father?

50:04 Caller I kind of have a past that kind of would take a long time to explain, but...

50:08 Drew Well, that's what we're talking about.

50:10 Caller Well, but nothing weird happened or anything like that.

50:12 Adam Well, what's up with the past?

50:14 Caller Well, I was one when my mom was pretty young, and she was never really married to my dad. And we left him, and then now, like, she married someone, and I'm adopted by him.

50:27 Adam But other than that, your dad, everything's great with you and your dad? Except for you don't know where he really is?

50:32 Caller Well, my actual real dad, like, was never really a part of my life.

50:35 Adam Okay, but other than that, everything's healthy?

50:37 Caller Yeah.

50:37 Adam Okay, hold on a second.

50:38 Caller Yeah.

50:39 Oh, my God.

50:40 Wallace Langham First of all, jiggle the handle. The toilet will stop running.

50:44 Drew We gotta go to break.

50:44 Adam We gotta take a quick break. When we come back, we're gonna finish with Susan, because everything went from hunky dory's upstairs to sleep, everything's fine, to me and my teenage mom had to flee my real dad, and oh, you know it's there. There's not a 14-year-old bisexual who likes a little S&M in the world who doesn't have a little...

51:02 Wallace Langham There's gotta be something. We just gotta bust out the snow shovel.

51:05 Adam And we'll get to it after this. It's Loveline. We'll take a quick second timeout. We'll be back for more of the show in just 10 seconds.

52:07 Adam It's Loveline, Adam Carolla, it's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Wallace Langham is our guest tonight from Veronica's Closet. Tuesday nights, 930 NBC. We were just talking about how horrible it is being rich, powerful, and a celebrity type in this town. I'm so tired of it. Yeah. Having to tip Valley Parkers and eat at places with giant koi.

52:30 Drew He now can put that drop in without even looking at you.

52:32 Adam I know.

52:33 Drew It's like a pedal, a foot pedal, that drops it in.

52:34 Adam I'm trying to try and make you say it.

52:35 Wallace Langham It's a wah-wah yawn.

52:39 Drew But yeah, you had a bad experience at, should I mention the name of the place?

52:42 Adam Go right ahead. Crustacean, Beverly Hills place where the snobby go to pay for overpriced crap.

52:49 Drew Adam got kicked out for his male lover having jeans on.

52:52 Adam No, I wasn't kicked out. It was a dress code. But okay, now you want to get me going?

52:57 Wallace Langham Please, no, bust it out.

52:58 Adam Listen, all you pretentious fags who own restaurants in the- West Los Angeles? West Los Angeles area. If someone makes a reservation at a certain time and you cannot honor that, and you then send them to the bar, you then send over a round of drinks.

53:16 Wallace Langham Minimum.

53:17 Adam If it's going to be 10 minutes or more. Absolutely. If it's 45 minutes, you send over two rounds. You don't have people spend 120 bucks at the bar before they sit down and pay for that overpriced crap you pass off as food. And another thing, they have a dress code. What is the reason for the dress code? Who are you offending in that dump anyway? And thirdly, if you have a dress code, it's obviously because you don't want the unsightly people seen. Why do you put them at the front entrance and have them stand by the bar for 45 minutes like monkeys? Everyone who entered that restaurant had to make it past us to get to their table.

53:53 Wallace Langham And then seat you in a place that you have to wind through the whole restaurant.

53:57 Adam To get upstairs, to then sit down, because once you're sitting down, no one sees the offensive black jeans that you're wearing anyway, you pretentious homos. People drive me nuts. And valet. These valet parkers, they want five bucks, it should be free. It should be a free service.

54:16 Drew From the restaurant.

54:17 Adam You go in there, you drop seven or 800 bucks with five or six people to a place like that. It should be free. And everyone's argument is, they're not affiliated with the restaurant.

54:27 Drew Right.

54:27 Adam It's a separate contract. Go get the money from the restaurant. All the more reason.

54:32 Wallace Langham If you're going to provide it, provide it.

54:33 Adam Absolutely. I swear to God, I don't care if a place ordered directly from Derwiner Schnitzel and charged a hundred bucks ahead. If it was free valet parking, I would go to that place on principle. There's nothing worse than going to a restaurant dropping literally. I mean, I've been to places, especially when William Morris is paying. Because at that point, I actually just get a five-gallon bucket from the back room and have them put California roll and salmon tail into that, into the bucket so I can drag it home.

55:05 Wallace Langham Yeah.

55:06 Adam I mean, we go there and have competition, see how much money we can spend of William Morris's. We've sat at sushi places and dropped 900, 1000 bucks.

55:15 Wallace Langham The Saran wrap trench coat.

55:16 Adam Oh yeah. Then you get outside and they want 450. My thing is, go get the 450 from the Japanese guy and rate me in there, would you? Or more fittingly, William Morris. And by the way, you go to the IHOP, how much is the parking?

55:32 Wallace Langham Free.

55:32 Adam There you go. 14 eggs and 36 pieces of bacon for a dollar.

55:38 Wallace Langham Hell, you can go in for a glass of juice and no valet or hassle yet.

55:41 Adam That's right. Sons of bitches. And you valet guys, wherever the seat was, put it back.

55:48 Wallace Langham Don't wear so much goddamn cologne. That's right.

55:51 Adam Easy on the cologne. Every valet in this town is Mexican. They're all midgets and they slide the seat up. My seat was actually in front of the steering wheel. I don't know how they did it, but I just sit in the back seat to drive. The steering was actually mounted on the back of the front seat.

56:05 Wallace Langham Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

56:06 Adam Oh, what I have to put up. What an outrage. Next hour, I get in the first class air service. Humanity. Nessie.

56:15 Drew Now, Nessie was talking to us, right?

56:17 Adam I'm sorry. No.

56:18 Wallace Langham Was this same girl?

56:19 Adam Was Nessie the S? Oh, Nessie. Oh, she hung up the last one.

56:23 Wallace Langham The S&M girl, the 14-year-old S&M starter kit.

56:25 Caller All right.

56:26 Drew So we got Nessie now.

56:27 Caller All right.

56:28 Wallace Langham Hello.

56:28 Caller Hi.

56:29 Adam Hi, Nessie. What's up?

56:31 Caller Well, I just first want to say I've been listening to you guys for a long time, and the highlight of my night is listening to you, Adam, sing the Taboo 2 song.

56:39 Adam Oh, really?

56:39 Caller Yeah.

56:40 Adam This guy, he has it all. Yes, he does. Actual theme from Taboo 2.

56:46 Wallace Langham That rocks.

56:47 Adam He knows how to please in every detail.

57:07 Caller Wow.

57:09 Adam I know, oh, this is the best line. This guy's having sex with his sister and mom.

57:17 Caller Right.

57:17 Adam But you don't. You thought you knew him.

57:20 Wallace Langham You don't know.

57:20 Adam It's just banging his sister, you know that?

57:53 Wallace Langham It was written by the same people who did the Rankin-Bass Christmas videos. It does sound like that. It's got that same kind of, hooray for Santique. No, that was Santa Claus and the Marshmallow.

58:02 Drew It has that sort of 70s quality ballad. That the raindrops keep falling on my head.

58:08 Adam I just love the part where someone came up to him and went, well, who are we writing about? Well, this is Junior. All right. Well, explain to me Junior's character. Well, he's raping his mom and his sister. Right. Okay. That's good. That's a good start.

58:21 Wallace Langham Yeah. Okay. And he's mysterious and he's got a man.

58:25 Adam He's a man of mystery.

58:27 Wallace Langham Yeah. He's a mystery.

58:28 Adam Who knows why he's raping his mom and sister? We don't know and let's not judge.

58:32 Wallace Langham Yeah. I think Taboo 2 would be a fitting title.

58:35 Adam Nessie.

58:36 Drew So Nessie, what's going on?

58:37 Caller Hello?

58:37 Wallace Langham Yeah.

58:37 Caller Okay. My question is, is there like any like bad thing about like biting people?

58:44 Drew Well, human bites are actually very so-called dirty. They can get infected very easily. They're more so than dog bites, more so than almost any other animal bite, other than maybe cat. And it's something you have to be very careful with. If she has something like HIV or hepatitis B or hepatitis C, that's certainly something that can be transmitted that way.

59:01 Adam Why is the human mouth so despicable, Drew?

59:03 Drew It just has certain bacteria, anaerobes and things that other animals don't.

59:08 Wallace Langham Her last name is not Alpert, is it? Because maybe it's genetic.

59:12 Adam I got it. Nessie? Come on, it's a few years later.

59:15 Wallace Langham I'm sorry. What do you mean biting?

59:17 Adam Who are you biting?

59:19 Caller Me and my friend, we just bite each other.

59:21 Drew Why?

59:21 Wallace Langham Break the skin kind of biting?

59:23 Caller Sometimes, not usually.

59:25 Adam Why?

59:26 Caller We're aggressive.

59:28 Wallace Langham Can't you?

59:28 Drew It's a girlfriend, a boyfriend?

59:29 Caller No, just me and my friend, my best friend.

59:31 Drew I'll tell you, if that bite, those teeth get down to a tendon, you got bad news on your hands.

59:35 Adam Is it a sexual thing? No. Well, then I don't want to hear about it.

59:41 Drew I got a question about mitral valve prolapse.

59:43 Wallace Langham That wasn't worth the temperature.

59:44 Drew For a young, healthy female, mitral valve prolapse is really a benign condition provided there's no regurgitation, which is leaky to the valve. So she's asking, this is at the drdrew.com chat, asking, can I continue to have sexual activity? Of course.

59:57 Adam A lot of folks have that MVP.

59:59 Drew Very common. For men, it's a little different issue, again, particularly the valve is leaky, but that's issues when they're like 70, not when they're 17.

1:00:06 Adam I got a leaky valve. It's very embarrassing.

1:00:08 Drew But that's your urethra though.

1:00:09 Adam Susan?

1:00:10 Caller Yeah.

1:00:10 Adam All right. So you were a little S&M girl?

1:00:12 Caller Uh-huh.

1:00:13 Adam You're 14. All right.

1:00:14 Caller So I figured out what was wrong with the watery sound.

1:00:18 Caller It's my aquarium in my room.

1:00:20 Adam Oh. Boy, you're a real Colombo. Nothing gets past you. You're leaning up against an aquarium. We're asking where the water sound is coming from.

1:00:28 Caller No, it's across the room. I'm so used to it. I don't notice it anymore.

1:00:30 Adam I understand. Yeah. Hey, Susan? Yeah. All right. So you're bisexual. Yeah.

1:00:37 Drew Perfect relationship with that.

1:00:38 Adam And you like the little S and M?

1:00:40 Caller Yeah, a little bit.

1:00:41 Adam Little bit of a sprinkling of S and M. Maybe just a small S and small M.

1:00:45 Caller A bit.

1:00:46 Adam And now I was asking about your family. Your stepdad is upstairs asleep, right? Your real dad. Now, how old was your mother when she had you?

1:00:58 Caller She had just turned 18 about three weeks before I was born.

1:01:01 Drew She was just 17 pregnant.

1:01:02 Adam Pregnant, 17. And why did she flee from your biological father?

1:01:08 Caller It just wasn't a good relationship.

1:01:09 Caller I mean, I don't think there was anything too horrible going on. I don't really know that much, but...

1:01:13 Drew How old were you when your stepdad showed up?

1:01:18 Caller Um, they got married when I was eight.

1:01:20 Drew When you're right. That's the most critical period of time was something was up. And you should check out with mom what happened during that period of time.

1:01:29 Adam Did you see your biological dad?

1:01:31 Caller Um, I met him a few times when I was like 11, but he just, he kept like telling me he loved me and stuff like that. And I was like, no, it was going too fast. So I told him I'd call him when I want to talk to him again. And I haven't.

1:01:42 Adam When you were 11?

1:01:43 Caller Yeah.

1:01:44 Adam But before that, you hadn't talked to him?

1:01:46 Caller Yeah.

1:01:46 Adam You have any idea what he was doing?

1:01:49 Caller What do you mean?

1:01:50 Caller Like, when I was with him still?

1:01:52 Drew Why he wasn't around.

1:01:53 Adam Do you have any idea what he was doing all that time?

1:01:56 Caller Well, he could, he just, he wanted to see me.

1:02:00 Caller My mom, we just didn't have any desire.

1:02:02 Drew Why didn't you talk to your mom about what happened when he was around?

1:02:04 Adam I bet some heavy stuff went down.

1:02:06 Caller I think there was some drug stuff going on, and my mom wanted to stop doing drugs, but he didn't.

1:02:10 Drew Okay, Susan, this is heavy stuff for a kid to be reared around. So to minimize and deny the consequence of all that is a big mistake.

1:02:19 Caller Well, I mean, I haven't been involved with it. My mom hasn't done drugs or done any drinking.

1:02:24 Drew I understand, but there could be no more important time for her to have been involved with all that than during your early development.

1:02:31 Wallace Langham That's a question of exposure.

1:02:32 Drew That's when that stuff, we're talking about imprinting early tonight. That's when that stuff etches into your brain.

1:02:36 Adam Yeah, and why is it such a wild coincidence that I immediately want to know where your dad was and what was up with dad?

1:02:43 Caller Well, you say that to everybody that calls.

1:02:45 Drew No, only when we know it's a problem.

1:02:49 Caller Okay.

1:02:49 Adam All right, well, your dad is a problem or was a problem.

1:02:53 Caller Sure, but he hasn't been involved in my life since I was little.

1:02:57 Adam That's the point.

1:02:58 Wallace Langham That's the problem.

1:02:59 Adam I know, and it is horrifying that we've come to a place as a society where dad just being completely absent is considered not a good or a bad thing.

1:03:11 Wallace Langham It just is.

1:03:11 Adam Like a non-factor.

1:03:12 Drew What's the matter with you for bringing it up? It's a big deal.

1:03:14 Adam Yeah, he didn't beat me or anything. He was in prison the whole time.

1:03:17 Wallace Langham He's just not around.

1:03:18 Adam Yeah, understand folks, especially for little girls. Daddy not around is a big deal. Plus, this is just what we've got out of Susan in the last minute and a half. Mom forbid daddy from coming around.

1:03:33 Wallace Langham Right.

1:03:33 Adam I guarantee there were some reasons why daddy wasn't getting back in the house. Oh, yeah. I'm sure Susan's mom was no nun. I mean, no prude. I mean, if he'd done just a little less heroin and a little less beating, he probably would have been let back into the house.

1:03:51 Drew Well, and who knows, again, having an addicted mom or using of an abusing mom has a significant effect on children.

1:03:59 Adam Hey, Shane.

1:04:00 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:04:00 Adam You're 15.

1:04:01 Drew That's right.

1:04:02 Adam What's up?

1:04:03 Wallace Langham Me and my friends wrote some poems about breast that we wanted to read to you.

1:04:07 Adam That's very important.

1:04:08 Wallace Langham Yeah. Well, you figure you're one of the few people who can really appreciate something like this.

1:04:13 Adam I can. I like the breast, like Wallace's son.

1:04:16 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:04:16 Adam I enjoy a nice set of breasts.

1:04:18 Wallace Langham Yes. So we have like four pages, but I picked out the best of the best.

1:04:23 Adam Yeah. Narrow it down to three and a half.

1:04:25 Caller Yeah.

1:04:26 Wallace Langham All right. Here it goes.

1:04:27 Adam All right. Wait a minute. You're not allowed to use the T word? That drives me insane. You know the word that starts with a T and ends with a T?

1:04:36 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:04:37 Adam Then there's an I in there somewhere.

1:04:38 Wallace Langham All right. I can do that.

1:04:41 Adam Can you delete that?

1:04:42 Wallace Langham Or do you have a poem that doesn't use that word?

1:04:45 Adam How old are we? I feel like such an idiot when I go, don't say the T word.

1:04:51 Wallace Langham Don't worry about it.

1:04:52 Adam All right. Go ahead.

1:04:53 Wallace Langham Here we go.

1:04:54 Adam All right.

1:04:54 Wallace Langham My name is Shane. I like to play hockey. So take off your shirt and let me tap them Rockies.

1:05:00 Wallace Langham Sweet.

1:05:01 Adam Nice. You're getting laid for sure, Shane.

1:05:05 Wallace Langham Can I rip that off for a bumper sticker? Is that all right?

1:05:08 Wallace Langham Do I get money for these cutlery? Oh, yeah.

1:05:10 Adam Yeah. I'll get a nickel for every lesbian that rams him. All right.

1:05:16 Wallace Langham Here's the next one. Hooters, cans, blimps, and jugs, tata's, gazabas, and soft sweet nugs. Wow.

1:05:25 Wallace Langham Oh, that's it.

1:05:26 Adam That one seems like it should have an ending though.

1:05:28 Wallace Langham That's more of a haiku or limerick.

1:05:30 Adam Yeah. That's more of a declaration than it is a poem.

1:05:32 Drew Yeah. Usually there's a verb and then some object.

1:05:36 Wallace Langham That was a young man from Nantucket. I like those.

1:05:38 Adam Right.

1:05:39 Wallace Langham All right.

1:05:39 Adam Keep going, Shane. This is good.

1:05:41 Wallace Langham My heart pounds in my chest when I see a girl with big round breasts.

1:05:45 Adam Okay.

1:05:46 Drew Lady, just make note. This is what's going on. If you looked inside a young male's brain, this is what's going on in there.

1:05:52 Adam Yeah.

1:05:53 Drew Not much else.

1:05:54 Wallace Langham I remember when I was five years old.

1:05:55 Adam Well, you'd see the hamster on the wheel.

1:05:57 Wallace Langham Yeah. I remember being as young as five.

1:05:58 Drew With the hamster with a balloon with a big set of breasts. That'd be it.

1:06:05 Wallace Langham When I was five years old, I remember me and my friend spent two hours in my room going through a stack of paper that was probably about four inches thick, literally drawing the W-shaped boobies and then putting little nipples on them. Then flicking them. No. Just flipping the page and drawing another set and then another set.

1:06:23 Drew It's genetic in Wallace's case.

1:06:25 Wallace Langham Well, okay. Isn't everything?

1:06:26 Adam Didn't you do that thing where you could get the boobs to move? I mean, crew animation?

1:06:31 Wallace Langham No, that would have been like five years down the road. I wasn't that smart. It was only five at the time.

1:06:35 Adam I'm sorry.

1:06:36 Wallace Langham So you got 10 years on me, Shane. So you really developed it to a higher art form.

1:06:40 Adam Let's hear more, Shane.

1:06:41 Wallace Langham Okay. Here's one.

1:06:43 Adam I got the Chi.

1:06:44 Wallace Langham You better have a 36D.

1:06:46 Wallace Langham Wow. That's the martial arts breast pump.

1:06:49 Adam I like when you work some wisdom of the Orient into this.

1:06:56 It's a more cultured approach.

1:06:57 Adam Yeah, that's solid.

1:06:58 Wallace Langham Nice. Eats meets West in your breast.

1:07:01 Adam And what else? You got a couple more, Shane?

1:07:03 Wallace Langham Yeah. Here. Our wedding all announced when I see-

1:07:07 Adam Oh, wait. I guess now I'm going with bounce. No. Just put boob and then bounce.

1:07:14 Wallace Langham Okay.

1:07:14 Adam Okay. Go ahead.

1:07:15 Wallace Langham Our wedding all announced when I see those boobies bounce.

1:07:18 Adam All right.

1:07:20 Wallace Langham All right.

1:07:20 Adam I'll try to finish the next 15 of them off. All right? Go ahead there, Shane.

1:07:25 Wallace Langham Okay. Smoke weed from a bong. I could tap those boobies all night long.

1:07:30 Adam No, no. Shane, let me explain something. You do the first verse and then I'll finish it.

1:07:35 Caller Yeah.

1:07:35 Wallace Langham Adam's going to finish it up.

1:07:36 Adam I, by the way, was working the schlong angle on that one, but that's just me.

1:07:41 Wallace Langham It all has a breast theme. Just go with that.

1:07:43 Caller You're right.

1:07:44 Adam Okay. So you understand-

1:07:45 Wallace Langham Give him the setup, Shane.

1:07:46 Adam You understand, Shane?

1:07:47 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:07:47 Adam Okay, brother. Go ahead.

1:07:48 Wallace Langham Okay. My Mustang is black.

1:07:56 Adam And I'd like to boob F you in the back.

1:08:00 Wallace Langham No, no, no, no, no. Pick up your shirt. Show me the rack.

1:08:04 Caller Yeah.

1:08:07 Wallace Langham Am I close?

1:08:08 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:08:09 Adam What is it?

1:08:09 Wallace Langham I had, let me see your nice rack.

1:08:12 Adam Oh, all right. All right, Wallace, the one that I have.

1:08:13 Wallace Langham I got one.

1:08:14 Adam Let's keep going.

1:08:15 Wallace Langham Okay.

1:08:17 Adam I was, see, I was getting into the car.

1:08:20 Wallace Langham I was, I was going to go back and then the rack jumped in.

1:08:22 Adam Rack is good, but why you confuse me by talking about the Mustang?

1:08:25 Caller Yes, yes, yes.

1:08:26 Adam That's a non sequitur there. I'm trying to, I'm trying to weave the car into it.

1:08:30 Wallace Langham It doesn't work.

1:08:31 Adam All right, I'm sorry. Go ahead, Shane.

1:08:32 Wallace Langham Some of the first lines don't have anything to do with the second line.

1:08:35 Wallace Langham Oh, that's the key.

1:08:36 Adam Now he tells me. Okay. All right.

1:08:39 Wallace Langham All right, go ahead. See the sky, if you look up.

1:08:44 Caller Oh, boy.

1:08:47 Drew If I can't see.

1:08:48 Wallace Langham Don't want no boobies that fit in a cup.

1:08:52 Drew See the sky, have to get past that one to see the sky.

1:08:57 Adam But you're rhyming with up, right?

1:08:59 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:09:00 Adam Oh, don't want nothing smaller than a D cup.

1:09:04 Caller Yeah.

1:09:05 Adam You got the cup.

1:09:06 Wallace Langham I got the cup.

1:09:06 Adam You didn't put it in the wrong kind. All right. Come on, Shane. Let's go.

1:09:10 Wallace Langham Okay. One to one.

1:09:11 Adam Keep going.

1:09:11 Wallace Langham Okay. If you break your arm, then you're a cripple.

1:09:15 Adam All right. I like myself a big long nipple.

1:09:20 Wallace Langham Or I would say, let me assist your reach to that nipple.

1:09:28 Adam Finish it off first.

1:09:29 Wallace Langham All right.

1:09:30 Drew We can make something meaningful.

1:09:31 Wallace Langham One more.

1:09:32 Caller Okay.

1:09:33 Adam Finish this one off. What was that? What was the nipple?

1:09:36 Wallace Langham Oh, the nipple one?

1:09:37 Adam Yeah.

1:09:38 Wallace Langham Cripple.

1:09:39 Wallace Langham Oh. Girl, I want to suck on your nipples.

1:09:42 Wallace Langham Oh, I'm sorry.

1:09:43 Adam I think I was closer.

1:09:45 Wallace Langham Yeah, you were.

1:09:45 Wallace Langham All right.

1:09:46 Adam I think I'm up to one now. Making a strong comeback.

1:09:48 Wallace Langham You're one and a half, I think.

1:09:49 Adam All right. Go ahead. Best of five. Go ahead, Shane.

1:09:51 Wallace Langham Okay. I smoke pot and drive a hippie van.

1:09:57 Adam Now, I'm going with cans here, but it's a plural thing. How about you let me look at your cans?

1:10:06 Wallace Langham Yeah, I had cans there too.

1:10:09 Wallace Langham Okay. But you only have one van singular.

1:10:11 Adam Yeah. That's a little confusing, Shane. Yeah.

1:10:14 Wallace Langham But again, the first part doesn't always go with the second part.

1:10:17 Adam I know. But when you're talking about pluralizing, it just makes it doesn't work. All right. Come on. Give us one more. One more.

1:10:24 Wallace Langham Okay. Yeah. I'm rich and famous.

1:10:27 I drive a Mercedes.

1:10:32 Wallace Langham Too hard?

1:10:33 Adam Hold on.

1:10:35 Wallace Langham I like to date those silicone ladies. That's mine.

1:10:42 Adam You didn't rhyme pasties with this, did you? Huh?

1:10:45 Wallace Langham I think it's a little too young.

1:10:49 Adam Yeah. I got to tap out on this one, Shane. What is it?

1:10:54 Wallace Langham I got lift up your shirt so I can see those babies.

1:10:57 Adam Wow. That's Wallace. He said ladies. I said ladies. That's fine. This is the tie breakers. It's two two.

1:11:04 Wallace Langham Okay.

1:11:05 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:11:06 Wallace Langham My shirt is a mess.

1:11:08 Caller Okay.

1:11:13 Adam But you're going to need it to mop off your chest.

1:11:18 Wallace Langham Could you stop lactating from your chest?

1:11:20 Caller Oh, go ahead.

1:11:23 Wallace Langham Your jugs are the best.

1:11:26 Wallace Langham Oh, yeah.

1:11:27 Adam All right. Well, come on one more time. And then after this, I want you to come over to my house. Okay. I usually stay up for a couple of hours after I get home. I need to be entertained. One more. Here we go. This is the tie breaker. Okay.

1:11:40 Wallace Langham I like it at a medium pace.

1:11:45 Adam I like to see those things bounce in your face.

1:11:50 Wallace Langham Close.

1:11:51 Wallace Langham Come rub your jugs all over my face.

1:11:54 Caller Yes. No.

1:11:55 Wallace Langham Put your jugs in my face.

1:11:57 Caller No.

1:11:58 Wallace Langham I even got jugs out of that one.

1:12:00 Adam But again, he has a genetic advantage here.

1:12:04 Drew A rare but extended view into the male psyche for young male. Again, as you've noticed, it's the hamster running on the wheel. Hamster has a balloon over his head.

1:12:12 Adam With a broom.

1:12:14 Drew A couple of human breasts there. That's right.

1:12:17 Wallace Langham You never lose that even in maturation.

1:12:19 Drew We're watching that right now. Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed.

1:12:22 Caller Something I'm proud of. Yeah?

1:12:24 Caller Yeah.

1:12:25 Caller Hello.

1:12:26 Adam What's up?

1:12:27 Caller I was wondering if there would be any long-term effect of like tattoos and piercings, like cancer or something. Not from the needles or anything, but from the long-term effect.

1:12:37 Drew Just from having foreign bodies in your skin and soft tissue.

1:12:40 Caller No.

1:12:40 Wallace Langham There is infection that can come because you are wounding the skin and injecting ink into it.

1:12:45 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:12:45 Wallace Langham But you can clear that up usually topically or anabiotically.

1:12:49 Drew Well, it depends. Oh, really? These days with the locations of the piercings, you can die from them because of the neck area.

1:12:55 Wallace Langham I was just going for tattoo.

1:12:56 Drew But in tattoos, yes, sometime infection. But certainly no cancer is associated with these things.

1:13:01 Adam Andrew?

1:13:01 Caller Yeah?

1:13:03 Adam You're 13.

1:13:04 Drew Don't ask him for a list.

1:13:05 Caller Just relax.

1:13:05 Caller I'm not going to get worried.

1:13:06 Adam All right.

1:13:07 Wallace Langham The interesting thing is that anybody who is getting a tattoo or piercing generally isn't worried about cancer.

1:13:12 Adam No. No, because it's not like they want to see themselves with that clit ring at 67 years old.

1:13:19 Drew Or they ever think it's going to be 67. Right.

1:13:21 Adam Right. I think I'll be hanging on the floor by that. All right. Wallace Langham is our guest tonight from Veronica's Closet. When we come back, we're going to talk to Stuart, who has some limericks about vaginas.

1:13:32 Caller Right on.

1:13:33 Adam After this.

1:13:40 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:14:07 Adam Yes, it's Loveline. Wallace Langham is our guest tonight from Veronica's Closet, third successful season, Tuesday nights, 9.30, NBC. Wallace, a real breath of fresh air here in Loveline.

1:14:19 Wallace Langham Well, thank you, my man.

1:14:20 Adam Intelligent, lucid, drug-free, relatively, and friendly.

1:14:25 Wallace Langham Wait until your analysis comes back.

1:14:27 Adam Yeah, Drew, when is that going to be back?

1:14:28 Drew I'm taking a sample next break.

1:14:30 Adam I got a semen sample for you too, by the way. All right. You want to get it in the cup? Just fart. All right. Let's hop on the phones and get back to Tom, who's 17, Tom. Thanks. He drew. He doesn't laugh over it. What's up there, Tom?

1:14:47 I'm a virgin. I'm pretty sure I have symptoms of general warts. I went to the doctor and he said that it was something I must have picked up in the locker room.

1:14:59 Caller In the locker room.

1:15:00 Adam When you were having anal sex with that guy?

1:15:03 He gave me some cream and it really doesn't work. And so I think I had-

1:15:07 Drew Wait a minute, Tom. Nobody's ever touched you down there?

1:15:10 No.

1:15:11 Drew Come on.

1:15:12 Never.

1:15:13 Drew Well, there is a theoretic possibility of them coming off somebody's hand. Have you ever had them in your hand?

1:15:20 No.

1:15:20 Adam No gym towel, whatever.

1:15:23 Caller I mean, maybe like-

1:15:24 Adam It's a stretch, but if he's got wards and no one's touched him, then what are you going to do?

1:15:30 He said it might have been fungal, but I mean, from what I've seen-

1:15:33 Drew Let me ask you this. Do you remember your childhood?

1:15:37 Yeah, pretty much. I don't remember getting touched during it.

1:15:40 Drew Are there big blocks of time where you don't remember anything? Anything like that happen?

1:15:45 Adam Just that one summer camp? No. Hold on a second. How long do you think you've had these warts?

1:15:53 For two years. They've been down there.

1:15:56 Wallace Langham They're little white bumps.

1:15:57 Drew Little white bumps?

1:15:58 Wallace Langham Wait, do they come and go? Do they go away?

1:16:01 Adam It doesn't sound like warts.

1:16:02 Drew These are pearly penile papules, I guarantee it.

1:16:05 What are those?

1:16:06 Drew They're normal things. They come on around age 15 and they're normal.

1:16:09 They're like little spiky type bumps.

1:16:12 Drew I bet you they're pearly papules. You see a dermatologist.

1:16:15 Wallace Langham Do they have a white hard center to them? Is that what that is?

1:16:21 Drew No. The Nougatty Center is molluscum contagiosa.

1:16:26 Adam When they scoop out the melon baller?

1:16:27 Drew That's that one.

1:16:29 Adam It's like a little. Actually, the melon baller was my name in high school. I take a rind from a cassava melon, put it in the microwave for a few minutes, punch a nice hole in the center and it's a good Saturday night. It makes a nice collection trough too if you do it right.

1:16:45 Drew Tom, you've got to see a dermatologist.

1:16:46 Wallace Langham Then you're ready for Sunday brunch the next day.

1:16:48 Adam The melon baller. That's David Allen Grier vomiting on the show last week. I swear to God, I about busted a gut hearing it. He did it. Play it again.

1:17:00 Drew He did that four hundred times. We almost.

1:17:02 Adam Go ahead. He did that for about ten minutes straight and I could not get my breath back. I was laughing. David, yeah, you're a 13.

1:17:16 Caller Well, yeah.

1:17:17 Wallace Langham Well, all right.

1:17:18 Adam What's up there, Buckaroo?

1:17:20 Caller I gave my little brother Viagra when they switched it with my Adderall.

1:17:26 Adam Perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy.

1:17:28 Drew Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

1:17:30 Caller Who?

1:17:30 Drew Somebody gave you Viagra?

1:17:32 Caller No, no, I have ADD and the shopping thing over by my house, they gave me the wrong bottle.

1:17:42 Drew They gave you Viagra instead of your Adderall?

1:17:44 Caller Yeah, it didn't say my name on it or anything.

1:17:46 Drew And do you normally give your medications to your little brother?

1:17:49 Caller No.

1:17:49 Drew Why did you give this one to him?

1:17:51 Caller Because he was like chasing me around. I said, hey dude, this isn't mine. And so he like chased me around and he was getting really annoying. And so I threw it at him and he like managed to get the top thingy off and.

1:18:04 Adam How old is he?

1:18:06 Caller He's five.

1:18:07 Wallace Langham Whoa.

1:18:08 Drew When did this happen?

1:18:09 Caller Like, I don't know, like on Friday, I think.

1:18:13 Wallace Langham Did you tell your parents about this?

1:18:15 Caller No.

1:18:16 Drew Why not?

1:18:17 Caller What am I supposed to say?

1:18:19 Wallace Langham There was an accident.

1:18:19 Caller It was my brother Viagra.

1:18:21 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:18:21 Drew But it was a bottle. What you shouldn't have had in the first place. He got his hands on it and got it.

1:18:25 Adam Wait a minute. How do you know it was Viagra?

1:18:28 Caller Because it said Viagra and some other guy's name on it.

1:18:34 Wallace Langham Why didn't you at the time... When did you discover that it wasn't yours?

1:18:38 Caller Like when I got home.

1:18:39 Wallace Langham Okay. Why didn't you give it to your parents at that point?

1:18:42 Caller Because... I don't know.

1:18:43 Adam He's a demon, this kid. Dude. So what happened to your brother? Humped the bejesus out of the dog?

1:18:51 Caller I don't know. He had a sleepover and that's what freaks me out.

1:18:56 Adam Oh, wait a minute now. This just keeps getting thicker. The five-year-old hopped up on Viagra has a slumber party?

1:19:04 Caller No, he goes to one except that, like, I tried to get him into trouble so he wouldn't go but it didn't work.

1:19:12 Adam Alright, so he went to a sleepover.

1:19:14 Caller Yeah, and I want to know, like, what he's going to do.

1:19:18 Adam Well wait a minute. Have you talked to him since Friday?

1:19:22 Caller No, it was, it was in his friend's house who, like, moved away.

1:19:27 Drew How did he seem for the couple hours after he went to sleepover?

1:19:30 Adam He went out of state for a sleepover?

1:19:32 Drew Yeah.

1:19:33 Caller For the couple hours afterward I didn't see him because he went to bed at, like, eight and it was, I don't know, actually.

1:19:40 Wallace Langham Do you still have this medication on you?

1:19:43 Caller Do I have it, like, with me now?

1:19:44 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:19:45 Caller No, I threw it all away.

1:19:46 Drew Okay.

1:19:47 Adam Next time you send it to Uncle Adam and carry the radio station.

1:19:50 I'm confused.

1:19:51 Drew He went to bed and then he went to a sleepover?

1:19:54 Adam Hold on a second. This kid is thirteen. Thirteen's young, but it ain't that young. I mean, when we were thirteen, when you were in the eighth grade, you show up, you do your homework, you converse with other kids, you ask girls out on dates, I mean, you have a wood shop. You're not like, and then Barney gave me something shiny.

1:20:16 Drew I mean, some, but there's such a thing as that at thirteenth.

1:20:19 Adam Oh, there is. You don't have to tell me, but hold on. Let me talk to this lad. I'm going to have a quick man to man with him. Hey, David?

1:20:26 Caller Yeah?

1:20:27 Adam Why, wake up. You're 13 years old. In the Jewish religion, you're a man, technically, right now. You understand?

1:20:33 Caller Yeah.

1:20:34 Adam You're lucky you're not a Jew. They toss you right out. Now, listen to me. Listen to me. Okay. You gave, you got the Viagra. I understand that. You gave it to your little brother, he's 5. He took the pill. He took it. Shut up. Shut up. Listen to me. He took it that night?

1:20:51 Caller Yeah, he took one of them.

1:20:52 Adam He took one of them that night. Then what? Did he go to bed at home that night?

1:20:57 Caller Yeah.

1:20:58 Adam Yes, he went to bed at home.

1:20:59 Caller But he went to bed at home.

1:21:00 Caller Stop, stop, stop.

1:21:02 Adam He went to bed at home?

1:21:04 Caller Yes.

1:21:04 Adam And you went to bed at home?

1:21:06 Caller Yes.

1:21:06 Adam But you didn't see him the next morning?

1:21:09 Caller No, because he left early.

1:21:10 Adam Because he left early to go on a sleepover?

1:21:13 Caller Yeah, because he-

1:21:13 Caller All right.

1:21:15 Adam And he seemed, he got in the car and drove with your parents, actually not your parents, but just your mom, your parents are divorced, to this sleepover the following morning?

1:21:27 Caller Yeah.

1:21:27 Adam Okay. All right. With other kids. Fine.

1:21:30 Drew Not a problem. It's out of the system very shortly.

1:21:32 Adam There you go.

1:21:33 Drew I know of no cases of young people taking this. I'm sure there have been incidental exposures because none of that medicine is out there. And I've not seen any data of any serious complications from that. But you need to tell your parents about it.

1:21:45 Adam Let me tell you what this, David, I was this close to taking my belt off. Actually, I don't have a belt. I just have a drawstring because I wear sweatpants.

1:21:51 Wallace Langham That would have done enough damage. I'm looking at the drawstring.

1:21:53 Adam That's what I'm going to threaten my kid with. Don't make me pull this drawstring out and do the cants in the cradle thing.

1:21:59 Drew Here's the awful thing about that age of that 12, 13.

1:22:01 Wallace Langham Oh, Jacob's ladder, your ass.

1:22:04 Drew You guys, that 12, 13, 14 age group, some of our callers who are 13 sound like David. Yeah, some sound like Barry White. Yes. It's an awful age.

1:22:12 Adam Yeah, it's great because later on tonight, we'll talk to a 13-year-old who's like, I was fingering this bitch in my brother's van.

1:22:20 Wallace Langham My dad walked in.

1:22:22 Adam We just put back a couple of high balls, and I had some reefer.

1:22:25 Caller And my dad come in.

1:22:26 Adam He wasn't pissed, but he wanted in, you know.

1:22:29 Drew The brass apply kicked his ass.

1:22:31 Adam So I beat him with a tire ironing. I got done fingering this bitch. Yeah, I mean, we'll talk to them tonight. Heather?

1:22:38 Drew Yeah?

1:22:39 Adam You're 28?

1:22:40 Caller I am.

1:22:40 Wallace Langham An adult.

1:22:41 Caller What's up?

1:22:42 Adam We'll see about that.

1:22:43 Wallace Langham Yeah, wait a minute.

1:22:44 Caller First of all, I want to tell you that I'm totally with you on the old people and the sex thing.

1:22:49 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:22:50 Caller Because my grandmother writes romance novels that are like real smutty.

1:22:56 Adam Oh, really?

1:22:57 Caller And then she tries to give me advice on my sex life.

1:23:00 Caller Oh.

1:23:01 Drew How old is your grandma?

1:23:03 Caller Seventy-five.

1:23:04 Drew Wow.

1:23:04 Adam Yeah, but I guarantee she doesn't write them. She writes them about-

1:23:09 Caller Her experiences, she said, because she gets up in the middle of the night.

1:23:12 Adam Yeah, her experiences when she was 19. There's no romance novel in the world, which is- Then the senior citizen pulled her nightie over her head to expose her sagging breast.

1:23:23 Wallace Langham As Jimmy came towards me in his walker, he had a gleam in his eye.

1:23:27 Caller Yeah.

1:23:29 Adam He pulled his teeth out, put his bag on the night table, and that meant it was time for action. No, they write about Iswaldo, the groundskeeper, who's 19 and nicely bronze from working in the sun.

1:23:48 Drew They're horrible.

1:23:51 Wallace Langham Carlos, the pool man.

1:23:52 Adam That's right.

1:23:53 Wallace Langham Come in for a nice lemonade, young man.

1:23:55 Caller I used to work at a convalescent hospital before I came to nurse, and you'd walk around the corner and there'd be people in their wheelchairs doing stuff.

1:24:03 Wallace Langham Oh, really?

1:24:04 Caller Yeah, it was horrible. We had a special room.

1:24:07 Caller A special room?

1:24:08 Caller That they would go into, but their family had to find consent for them.

1:24:12 Wallace Langham Do you notice that the whole convalescent talk, including your whole grandma lesbian chat that we had earlier, Adam, has smacks of prison life.

1:24:22 Adam It really does. Yeah. Now they get conjugal visits.

1:24:26 Wallace Langham There's no man in the picture. There's a lot of women hanging out together.

1:24:29 Adam That's right.

1:24:30 Wallace Langham Now there's conjugal rooms.

1:24:32 Adam Right. Really, the food's probably worse. All right. So Heather Wright, you don't want to hear about this from your grandmother either. I'm going to start a support group. You want in?

1:24:43 Caller I'm in.

1:24:44 Adam Great. So what's your question?

1:24:46 Caller Okay. I was diagnosed being bipolar about a year ago. And I'm on medication that I'm supposed to take all the time.

1:24:54 Drew What are you taking?

1:24:55 Caller Depakote, Syracuil, and Paxil.

1:24:59 Drew Syracuil?

1:25:00 Caller Uh-huh.

1:25:02 Caller And I wanted to know if that is, they said I need to take it all the time, but I'm going to be getting married and I want to have a child. How does that affect? Will that make me have a miscarriage or will that not?

1:25:15 Drew In terms of bipolar medicine, the one they worry about the most typically is lithium. And there are medicines that they can get you on across pregnancy that will decrease the risk of interfering with the pregnancy. But all of these have inherent risks. But I'll tell you what, you need to do something because during pregnancy, things can run out of control with your mood disturbance.

1:25:33 Adam Oh, hormones going nuts?

1:25:34 Drew Yeah, you need to work with a high-risk obstetrician and a psychiatrist to find the combination that keeps you stable and doesn't put the child at any unnecessary risk. But lithium is the one in bipolar medicine you don't want to take.

1:25:44 Adam When you say high-risk obstetrician, you don't mean a guy who's had his license revoked in seven states or anything?

1:25:50 Drew Not necessarily. No, you mean a guy who works with other people? A high-risk patient.

1:25:53 Adam I understand. All right. I just want to get some clarity there.

1:25:56 Wallace Langham Now, is it endemic that a lot of women call with... Do you get any male callers with depression?

1:26:05 Adam Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah.

1:26:07 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:26:07 Adam We'll find them.

1:26:08 Wallace Langham Okay.

1:26:08 Adam Mostly boob poems, but some depression.

1:26:12 Wallace Langham Oh, that's how they work it out?

1:26:13 Adam Yeah. Yeah, they work through their problems. They don't sit down and take a magic pill. They sit down with pad and pencil, and they really hash it out.

1:26:21 Drew All right.

1:26:21 Adam We'll take a little break. Wallace Langham's here from Veronica's Closet. We'll be back after this.

1:26:26 Drew We about to get funky, yo.

1:26:29 This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:33 Drew We'll be right back.

1:27:05 Adam It's the Loveline of Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Wallace Langham is our guest tonight. Veronica's Closet is his show. Tuesday Nights, NBC, 9.30. Drew, you all right over there?

1:27:17 Caller You ready to rock and roll? Yep. Jim?

1:27:21 Wallace Langham Hello?

1:27:21 Adam Jim, you're 16.

1:27:23 Wallace Langham Hey, what's up, Adam?

1:27:24 Caller Hey.

1:27:24 Wallace Langham What's up, Dr. Drew?

1:27:25 Adam Say hi to Wallace as well.

1:27:27 Drew Hey, Jim.

1:27:27 Wallace Langham What's up, Wallace?

1:27:28 Wallace Langham Hey, Jim, thanks.

1:27:29 Wallace Langham Thanks, Joe.

1:27:30 Wallace Langham Thanks, brother.

1:27:31 Wallace Langham All right, so my problem is that after I masturbate, my balls hurt like crazy, and like I did it a little earlier today and they still hurt right now.

1:27:42 Adam Yeah. You know what I love about guys? He could be in excruciating pain each and every time you masturbate.

1:27:47 Wallace Langham And you still masturbate.

1:27:48 Adam That was three years ago and he's been doing it three times a day. That's what I love about guys.

1:27:53 Drew No, it doesn't stop you.

1:27:53 Wallace Langham That's true.

1:27:54 Wallace Langham Absolutely not.

1:27:55 Drew How often are you doing this?

1:27:58 Wallace Langham Well, on a regular school day, probably like once a day, but then like on the weekends when I'm home and there's nothing to do, like three or four.

1:28:04 Drew Is that when things really start getting uncomfortable?

1:28:06 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:28:07 Drew Okay. Cut it out.

1:28:08 Adam Well, why? Just because you're doing too much?

1:28:10 Drew Your body's telling you something.

1:28:12 Wallace Langham But like, I have a job.

1:28:14 Wallace Langham Now, Jim, does it hurt every single time? Or if you go a day or two without spanking it, you're okay?

1:28:22 Wallace Langham Like, I think after I do it twice in a day, it like kills me.

1:28:26 Adam All right. Well, just go for once for a while.

1:28:28 Drew Look, you're irritating the urethra. You're causing discomfort of the musculature down there. The whole system can be sort of overdriven. It's possible to do that. So cut it out.

1:28:39 Adam I mean, let me pose a hypothetical to you guys. And I'm sure it changes at different times of your life. But your average 16-year-old, 17-year-old male, if you told him that each masturbation session eliminated one week from his life, how much would that deter him? I know it would deter him.

1:29:02 Drew No.

1:29:02 Adam But I don't think we're talking about three times a year, though. I think twice a week we're down to now.

1:29:10 Drew Yeah.

1:29:10 Adam Do you know what I'm saying?

1:29:11 Drew Until he convinces himself it's not going to happen and then goes back up again.

1:29:15 Adam My thing was like, I did be like, listen, I'll just quit smoking and I'll stay on twice a day.

1:29:19 Wallace Langham Right.

1:29:20 Drew Start exercising.

1:29:20 Adam And I'll start cutting out fatty food.

1:29:22 Wallace Langham And then I'm up to maybe an extra pop on the weekend.

1:29:27 Adam Yeah, I'd probably start trying to earn them.

1:29:29 Wallace Langham Yeah.

1:29:29 Adam Like, all right, I want to masturbate this week and I'll go for a jog and I'll eat some kelp or something.

1:29:35 Wallace Langham Exactly.

1:29:36 Adam That'll add a week.

1:29:37 Wallace Langham Hey, I had sushi three times this week. I got an extra bonus.

1:29:40 Adam What do you think? I mean, it's 16 or 17 plus it's 16 or 17. You're so far away.

1:29:46 Drew Yeah, you're never getting old.

1:29:47 Wallace Langham No, you're immortal at 16, 17. And there's no way you're even going to even put that thought in your mind that anything could possibly go wrong.

1:29:54 Adam But I got to believe that each and every time you got out, knowing that whatever you're guilty as hell, what ended up on your belly was hand them out to a week of your life, which would be a little rough emotionally. So I got to believe it cut into it a little bit.

1:30:08 Drew It's not a month.

1:30:10 Adam But I still think it'd be once or twice a week. Yeah.

1:30:14 Wallace Langham As opposed to five times a day?

1:30:16 Adam If you pose this question to women, I think that'd be it.

1:30:20 Wallace Langham Yeah. They'd shut down.

1:30:21 Adam They'd want the one that they did back.

1:30:26 Drew They'd blame you for it.

1:30:27 Caller Yeah.

1:30:28 Adam Tiffany?

1:30:29 Caller Yes.

1:30:29 Adam You're 15.

1:30:31 Caller Yeah.

1:30:31 Caller What's up?

1:30:33 Caller I really believe on the old people and sexing, it shouldn't be talked about.

1:30:39 Caller Thank you.

1:30:40 Adam Until we're older.

1:30:42 Drew Wait till this whole population gets older and see how they feel about it.

1:30:44 Caller Good.

1:30:45 Wallace Langham Dude, I hope I'm totally active at 70. Yeah.

1:30:48 Drew See?

1:30:48 Adam Me too.

1:30:49 Wallace Langham More active than I am now.

1:30:50 Adam But with a 19-year-old. That's a caveat. All right. Go ahead, Tiffany.

1:30:55 Caller Yeah. But I occasionally fool around with my best friend, and I was wondering if we should tell her boyfriend about it.

1:31:02 Drew What do you do with your best friend?

1:31:04 Caller Just like make out and stuff.

1:31:07 Adam Hey, can you turn your radio down for a while? Jesus Christ. All right. And what's up with you?

1:31:15 Caller What do you mean?

1:31:16 Adam Anyone monkey with you?

1:31:18 Caller Yeah.

1:31:18 Caller My sister.

1:31:20 Adam Your sister monkeyed with you?

1:31:21 Caller Yeah. For about four or five years.

1:31:24 Adam Well, as long as it was under ten years.

1:31:27 Wallace Langham So you're passing the torch.

1:31:30 Caller What?

1:31:31 Adam How old is your sister?

1:31:33 Caller She's 19 now.

1:31:35 Adam I see. And you're 15? That screen is always up at that horrible angle that I can't read it from. Does it make a difference if you tilt it down?

1:31:43 Drew Yeah. Now you can't read it? Exactly.

1:31:46 Wallace Langham All right.

1:31:46 Adam Let's get it in the middle.

1:31:47 Wallace Langham Why don't I read it and tell you guys what's going on?

1:31:49 Adam All right. So what's up and how old were you when your sister did this to you?

1:31:54 Caller Um, like, I don't know, it started from kind of like a really young age.

1:32:00 Wallace Langham How young?

1:32:01 Caller I think around 6 or 7 maybe.

1:32:04 Wallace Langham For like 4 years?

1:32:07 Drew Or longer?

1:32:09 Caller It went for like 4 or 5 years.

1:32:10 Adam All right. And who did what to your sister?

1:32:13 Caller Nobody did anything to my sister.

1:32:15 Drew Oh, of course they did.

1:32:15 Adam Summs up. Where's your dad?

1:32:18 Caller Through the house sleeping.

1:32:20 Adam He's where?

1:32:21 Caller Through the house sleeping.

1:32:22 Adam Through the house?

1:32:24 Caller Yeah. My mom and dad are in the room sleeping.

1:32:26 Adam Okay. Through the house. And your dad's all right?

1:32:30 Caller Yeah, my dad's fine.

1:32:32 Adam Doesn't drink?

1:32:33 Caller No.

1:32:33 Drew Never physically hit anybody?

1:32:35 Caller No.

1:32:35 Adam Doesn't do construction?

1:32:37 Caller Nope.

1:32:37 Adam What does he do for a living?

1:32:39 Caller He is a truck driver. But he just recently started being a truck driver. He's been in my life for as far as I can remember.

1:32:50 Adam He was a very successful neurosurgeon when you were younger?

1:32:53 Drew Does this mean he's not your biological father?

1:32:55 Caller He is my biological father, but he just a couple years ago became a truck driver.

1:33:01 Adam And by the way, it's become. And what was he doing before that?

1:33:07 Caller He worked for a printing press.

1:33:11 Adam I understand. Yeah. So did you see him much?

1:33:14 Caller Yeah, I've seen him every day of my life.

1:33:17 Wallace Langham Why did you let slip that he's only been in your life for so long amount of time?

1:33:22 Drew There was a strange way to put that with it.

1:33:23 Wallace Langham Yeah. Yeah. It seemed like he was kind of out of the picture. Is that a factor?

1:33:28 Caller Well, my mom and dad had a fight and he kind of left earlier.

1:33:33 Wallace Langham For how long?

1:33:35 Caller A couple weeks.

1:33:36 Wallace Langham Do you know what the fight was about?

1:33:38 Caller No, not early.

1:33:40 Caller All right.

1:33:41 Adam Well, Tiffany?

1:33:43 Caller Yeah.

1:33:43 Adam He drives a truck. That's all I need to know and work this way up to it, by the way. Tiffany, you're going to need a little therapy here because what your sister did to you was wrong. It's going to leave a mark and it's probably why you're acting out with your friend now.

1:33:57 Drew Right. Your boundaries are off. You don't know when it's appropriate, not appropriate.

1:34:01 Adam Imprinting.

1:34:02 Drew There's been an imprint that's carved this into you. And you're going to take people close to you and do stuff to them you shouldn't do that affects them adversely. You're screwing with her relationship.

1:34:13 Adam Can you stop acting out, Tiffany?

1:34:16 Caller Yeah.

1:34:16 Adam You can?

1:34:17 Caller Yeah.

1:34:17 Adam Alright.

1:34:18 Drew Make some better choice.

1:34:19 Adam Good. Now.

1:34:20 Drew Make some better choices.

1:34:21 Wallace Langham It's not you? What did you say?

1:34:22 Caller It's just not me. She's the one. Because the rest of the time, I'll be sitting there and she'll say something to me about it.

1:34:27 Adam Alright. Well, if she puts her tongue in your mouth, there's nothing you can do.

1:34:31 Drew Make some better choice.

1:34:32 Adam God knows I wish that was true. If that was true, I'd leave the studio right now and go put my tongue in someone's mouth. I may try anyway.

1:34:39 Wallace Langham They're powerless from your tongue, Adam.

1:34:40 Adam That's right. Once they feel the mesmerizing power of my tongue, they cannot resist.

1:34:46 Wallace Langham A little something called free will.

1:34:48 Adam Tiffany, listen, please, sweetheart, you're 15. Your sister screwed with you. It's real tragic. I don't know who screwed with her. I don't know what's up.

1:34:57 Drew I know something's up. We guarantee you something good.

1:34:59 Adam Please don't act out.

1:35:01 Caller Okay.

1:35:01 Adam Just stop it.

1:35:02 Drew Make better choices.

1:35:03 Adam You're only doing this because someone did something to you.

1:35:06 Caller Okay.

1:35:06 Drew Get off autopilot. You're on autopilot now. Start thinking.

1:35:09 Adam There you go. Jay?

1:35:11 Hey.

1:35:11 Adam You're 16.

1:35:12 Caller Hey, how's it going? Yeah.

1:35:14 A few nights ago, I got my first blowjob and I'm a virgin. I was really excited because I thought about it before and it was going to be really cool. But it was really hard for me to keep an erection during it and I didn't like that because it took a really long time.

1:35:29 Drew Were you really nervous?

1:35:30 Adam Yeah.

1:35:30 Caller Yeah, I was nervous.

1:35:32 Drew There you go.

1:35:33 Adam Yeah. I would be too except for I'm usually loaded when I get oral sex. So it kind of takes the edge off.

1:35:39 Wallace Langham So is she, right?

1:35:40 Adam Oh, she's loaded. She's unconscious. I hit her with the bottle.

1:35:45 No, no.

1:35:47 Wallace Langham So did you find it so as unnerving and henceforth you could not hold your erection?

1:35:54 Yeah, kind of.

1:35:55 Wallace Langham Okay. I kind of went through this when I was a young lad as well and it put me off oral sex for many years.

1:36:02 Adam Tragedy. I'd sue the woman. Can you find her? Yeah.

1:36:04 Wallace Langham No, she moved to another state and changed her name, thank God. But I think it's a question of you kind of relaxing and receiving and enjoying that act if that's what you're wanting to do.

1:36:18 Adam You do what I do. You pretend you're masturbating.

1:36:21 Wallace Langham But with somebody's head.

1:36:22 Drew And, oh boy. That's right. And also understand that many whip men, if not most, first few times out, regardless of what the activity is, have some difficulty holding an erection.

1:36:32 Adam The melon baller, everybody. All right, we'll take a little break. We'll be back. Well, there you go. Another successful Loveline episode in the grave. I want to thank Wallace Langham for coming in here from Veronica's Closet Tuesday Nights, NBC 930. Watch the show. Thank you, Wallace.

1:37:24 Wallace Langham No, thank you.

1:37:25 Adam Always a delight.

1:37:26 Wallace Langham No, anytime.

1:37:26 Adam Come back anytime and say hi to your young son. We'll work a little juggie autographs.

1:37:32 Wallace Langham He'll be indebted to you forever.

1:37:33 Adam That's what I like. Young boys indebted. Stepping up in the right foot. Supermodel Caprice will be in here tomorrow night to fall in love with either myself or Drew. Until then, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:37:49 Caller Isn't there any positive?

1:37:52 Adam Well, now.

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Sunday, February 20, 2000