Episode 1000754887423

1:56 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:59 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

2:03 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

2:04 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

2:07 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

2:09 Loveline. It's Loveline.

2:13 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is the model, singer, actress, talk show host, composer, philanthropist, humanitarian, historian, leader, and savior, Caprice. Caprice is, that's Drew, smacking his testicles against the inside of his thigh. Caprice is on the cover of the March issue of Playboy, which is out now, right? Yes, it is. That's what I love about Playboy. And by the way, this is March 2001. They just come out, they were coming out like a week earlier for 55 years now. And they finally, they finally broke in the year.

3:06 Good.

3:07 Adam Caprice is the big, beautiful blonde who is a international sensation with the singing and the modeling and the general posing and what else, whatever else she does over there. And I saw a thing on, I don't know what it was, Entertainment Tonight, E, something, no, Extra.

3:28 Caprice Bourret Extra is probably, I don't know, I did so many of these various shows.

3:33 Adam I saw it over the weekend.

3:36 Caprice Bourret It's probably Extra or I on LA, one or the other.

3:39 Adam Started out here in Southern California, took off, went to Europe.

3:44 Caprice Bourret Well, no, I was actually born here in Southern California and then I actually, when I was modeling, yeah. And then I went over to England. And that's what happened.

3:52 Adam Wasn't that what I said there?

3:54 Yeah.

3:55 Caprice Bourret You started, you said you started, okay, yeah.

3:57 Yeah.

3:57 Adam I mean, you're born, you're born here. You grew up here, then you went off to Europe when you were, what, 18?

4:05 Caprice Bourret No, I went off to New York first and then I went off to Europe shortly thereafter, yeah.

4:10 Adam That is the same thing with my life. I went from North Hollywood to the Glendale area when I was about 18. Where was the carpet cleaning? That was in the Van Nuys area.

4:19 Drew The Van Nuys space?

4:20 Adam Yes, I made it in the Van Nuys and then over into La Crescenta area.

4:26 Drew La Crescenta, Sunland?

4:27 Adam Yes.

4:28 Drew Oh man, you got around.

4:30 Adam I keep a map and I put a pin in it from every place I've been.

4:33 Caprice Bourret Yeah, I don't know if it's something that I brag about, but that's my humble opinion as well. Never mind.

4:38 Adam Now, you grew up in what, a beach city out here?

4:41 Caprice Bourret No, I grew up in Hacienda Heights. I have a house now in Long Beach, but I grew up in Hacienda Heights.

4:46 Adam Beautiful country out there.

4:48 Caprice Bourret Yeah, it's great.

4:49 Adam Not really now.

4:50 Drew Yeah, it kind of sucks. It's another one of those cities that has a pretty name anyway.

4:54 Adam Yeah, Hacienda Heights is just a sort of...

4:56 Caprice Bourret It does sound quite nice, but when I was growing up, it was nice, but it just sort of, it sort of all changed.

5:02 Adam And what made you decide to do Playboy beside the tremendous amount of money they threw at you?

5:07 Well, you know what?

5:08 Caprice Bourret It was, I was supposed to have a record out at the same time that the cover came out.

5:12 Uh-huh.

5:13 Caprice Bourret And, and yeah, if you read.

5:16 Adam Yeah, I don't read. I don't, I'm scared it'll form a habit. And next thing you know, I'll be reading every other week.

5:23 Caprice Bourret Um, yeah, so I was supposed to have a record out at the same time as the cover. And, and it didn't work out that way.

5:29 Adam Why not?

5:30 Caprice Bourret Because the music wasn't right, so I'd rather wait to get the music right and then, and then release when, when I'm ready.

5:36 Adam Well, you've had hits in Europe, right? What's wrong with just taking the same song and bringing it over here?

5:43 Caprice Bourret Because it's a completely different vibe in Europe.

5:45 Adam It is?

5:46 Caprice Bourret It's far more poppy, yeah, than in America. I couldn't, I couldn't have the same vibe in both places.

5:51 Adam You can't?

5:51 Caprice Bourret So I got, no. So I got rid of the single that I did in Europe. It's now off the album, and I'm rewriting four to five new tracks because this is now turned into a worldwide deal.

6:02 Adam I see. Totally different vibe in Europe though.

6:04 Caprice Bourret Completely.

6:06 Yeah. All right.

6:07 Adam What about other bands that have like a hit here and then a hit there? That's the same vibe.

6:11 Caprice Bourret No, because most English bands, when they come over here, they don't do as well. For instance, look at Oasis. Oasis is gigantic in Europe and they haven't done too much here. Look at the Manic Street Preachers.

6:21 Drew Adam, your favorite, Blah.

6:23 Adam Oh, Blah.

6:23 Caprice Bourret Exactly.

6:25 Adam Well, Oasis sold a couple of records here, I think. But Adam, I don't know about the Manic Street people. That one.

6:31 Caprice Bourret Manic Street Preachers. They're massive over there.

6:33 Adam There you go.

6:34 All right.

6:34 Drew Here we go.

6:35 Micah.

6:37 Adam Micah. Yeah, you're 19.

6:39 Caller Yeah. I am going to school here in St. Paul, Minnesota, and the other night, I've been going out with this girl for about a month now, and the other night, I walked in on her and another girl in my class having, I don't know what you class, I mean, some kind of, they were like kind of half naked doing some kind of lesbian thing on my girlfriend's bed. And I walked in, I was just kind of surprised. They were kind of surprised, but they invited me to kind of join in the festivities, like I should say.

7:17 Drew What's your question, Micah?

7:19 Adam Well, more of a proclamation of his masculinity.

7:22 Caller No, no, no, there's a question here, there's a question here. So the thing is, we did the thing, and I participated, and it didn't go, and you were too far, just general fondling, you know.

7:32 Adam Yeah, all right.

7:32 Caller Okay, okay, okay, okay. And now that it's over, they want me to have like a repeat situation of this, and both of them do, and I mean, I kind of, I haven't had sex or anything with my girlfriend, and I'm kind of wondering how this is going to affect the relationship. I think it's a little weird, but she seems to really like it, and I don't know.

7:53 Adam How come you haven't had sex with your girlfriend?

7:56 Caller We've only been going out for a month, and she's kind of, she's like this, she gives me this, she's like a Protestant, you know.

8:02 Drew Where are you going to school?

8:04 Adam Oh, I can see that.

8:05 Caller Where are you going to school? Macalester College.

8:09 Caprice Bourret Yeah. Let me ask you a question. Did you like it, the three of you, having this little experience?

8:15 Caller Yeah, I mean, it was, yeah.

8:16 Caprice Bourret Well, then why don't you do it again? What the hell?

8:18 Caller But my question is, like, how will it affect the relationship?

8:21 Drew I don't think there's a relationship, Micah, there's no relationship.

8:23 Adam This thing ain't going to last anyway. So you might as well get your kicks.

8:27 Caprice Bourret Yeah, definitely. Just go for it.

8:28 Drew There is no there, there on this relationship. She's not taking it seriously and I don't know what her deal is. You could try to find out more.

8:35 Caprice Bourret Maybe she just likes girls.

8:37 Caller I don't want it. Would there be some way instead of just like ending it, or I mean, that I could work it, kind of get her off this group thing and back to the way it was?

8:45 Caprice Bourret No. And you know what? The more you lecture her about it, the more she'll go away from you. You can't do that. Definitely don't do that. But go. Have a good time with them and see what happens.

8:54 Adam Yeah, Micah, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

8:56 Caprice Bourret Yeah.

8:58 Adam Don't squander it, because I guarantee this thing's not going to last.

9:00 Drew There's nothing here. All right? If she's into girls, she's into girls, and there's nothing for you.

9:05 Caprice Bourret Exactly. But have a good time in the meantime.

9:07 Adam That's right. Alex?

9:10 Hello?

9:10 Adam You're 16. What's up?

9:12 Caller I was going out with this guy for a little while, and like when we'd have sex, he'd bite me, and he'd pull on my piercing.

9:19 Drew Where is your piercing?

9:22 Caller I have a lot of piercings. He'd pull on my eyebrows and my nipples.

9:25 Caprice Bourret Right.

9:26 Caller And I didn't like it, so like I just asked him to stop, and after I asked him to stop, we had sex three more times, and I didn't orgasm, and now I have a new boyfriend.

9:37 Adam Oh, and Drew's going for the wallet. I know, I gotta go for my wallet. Caprice, you have any money on you?

9:41 Caprice Bourret Yeah, why are we pulling out money?

9:43 Adam We're gambling. Just get the money out, and we'll tell you all about it in a minute.

9:49 Drew Come on, don't ruin it.

9:51 Adam And you're 16.

9:52 Caprice Bourret You're 16.

9:53 Adam That's absolutely right. I like Caprice. She carries a wallet. She's got money in it. Unlike most of our deadbeat guests, we have to put the money out for them.

10:01 Caprice Bourret I don't know why I'm putting money out, but that's all right.

10:03 Adam Well, I'll explain it to you in just one second.

10:04 Caprice Bourret Okay. Okay, continue. Wait, what's your question?

10:07 Adam No, no. We gotta gamble.

10:09 Caprice Bourret Okay, so we have to guess what her question is.

10:13 Adam Nope. We have to gamble on her past. What kind of environment did she grow up in? What kind of situation did she come from?

10:21 Drew What made Alex the way she is?

10:22 Caprice Bourret Well, Alex, so you have piercing all over yourself. You're 16.

10:25 Adam She can't hear you.

10:26 Drew That is true. We don't keep the interviewer. We have to go with what we know so far.

10:29 Adam That's right. Drew, would you like to get started?

10:33 Drew She, I will go with, I mean, she's got the full antisocial thing going with this sort of need for physical abuse.

10:42 Adam Why antisocial?

10:43 Drew The piercing everywhere.

10:44 Adam She's got a couple of piercings.

10:46 Caprice Bourret I don't think she likes abuse because she didn't like this guy.

10:49 Drew I'm going to go for physical abuse and then neighbor got to her around age 10 and something bad.

10:57 Adam Neighbor had sex.

10:57 Drew A little bit older, a little bit older but a bad thing, something bad and physical abuse before that.

11:02 Adam All right. Would you like to go, Caprice?

11:05 Caprice Bourret I'd love to. Thank you very much.

11:06 Adam Go ahead.

11:07 Caprice Bourret I think that she came from a broken home, definitely. I think that one of her parents she's definitely not close to and it sort of affected her subconsciously. I think that she's more rebellious than disturbed. Yeah.

11:26 Adam We need more specific answers, though, Caprice.

11:29 Drew These are all sort of... Like what condition did the, which parent left and under what circumstance?

11:33 Caprice Bourret Right.

11:34 Drew Okay. What was it? An alcoholic or an addict and he got violent and the mom kicked him out, something like that. Which would also be a good bet by the way.

11:41 Caprice Bourret I think one might have cheated all the time. Cheated.

11:44 Adam All right.

11:44 Caprice Bourret Something like that.

11:45 Adam Easy money, Drew. Cheated.

11:48 Caprice Bourret Easy money, you little.

11:50 Adam All right. So you're going with parents broken up.

11:52 Caprice Bourret Yeah. Parents broken up.

11:53 Adam One of them cheated.

11:54 Drew One of them is gone.

11:55 Caprice Bourret She does not have, yeah. That affected her subconsciously because she was close to that person. She was close to, yeah, yeah. Initially and now they're gone. And I definitely don't think, I definitely think she's rebellious. She's definitely not disturbed.

12:08 Adam All right. But that's all sort of, that's not going to hold up in court here. We need hard cold facts.

12:13 Caller Why?

12:13 Adam Well, every 16 year old with a nipple piercing is rebellious. Or we can talk anyone into being rebellious. But we need hard cold facts in terms of alcoholism, sexual abuse, physical abuse. You're not going with any of that.

12:28 Caller Fine.

12:28 Caprice Bourret Yeah. No, I don't think she has any of that. And I don't think she has a problem with alcoholism. She does drugs though. She definitely does drugs.

12:33 Adam Does drugs. Okay. I'm going with, yeah, dad got out, stepdad.

12:42 Did I get her?

12:44 Drew But she was throwing dad's alcoholics.

12:46 Adam Physical.

12:47 Drew Dad's an alcoholic and got physical in.

12:49 Caprice Bourret Oh, that is awful. I can't believe you're saying that.

12:53 Adam Stepdad. That's what I'm going with.

12:54 Drew These are bad.

12:55 Caller Got to keep my fingers crossed.

12:56 Adam Alex.

12:57 Caller Yeah.

12:58 Caller Okay.

12:59 What do we got here?

13:01 Caller My dad OD'd on heroin when I was four. My mom has been clean for a year. She just started living with me this year. I live with my grandma. The only male figure that I was really close to was my grandfather. He died when I was eight and he was an alcoholic as well. I was raped when I was 11.

13:22 Adam Drew said 10.

13:24 Caller I was 11.

13:27 Adam A neighbor? Who did it to you?

13:29 Caller My cousin's friend. When I was spending the night at his house. I got pregnant from that.

13:36 Adam At 11?

13:39 Drew Where did the physical abuse come in? Where were you beaten?

13:43 Caller I had a boyfriend when I was 13 that beat me physically. He broke my nose.

13:49 Adam No, but no grandpa did any slaughtering?

13:54 Caller When I was young, nobody ever did anything to me.

13:56 Drew Dad, the heroin addict never got a little bit out of control?

14:03 Caller I don't remember my dad at all.

14:04 Drew Okay, I promise. God is my witness.

14:07 Adam Well, listen, growing up that way, you could get with the wrong guy anyway.

14:12 Drew Oh, yeah.

14:12 Adam I mean, absolutely.

14:15 Caller But I've been raped three times since the first time.

14:17 Adam Oh, yeah.

14:17 Drew Of course.

14:18 Adam But since the 11th thing. Uh-huh. And what happened? Did you get an abortion?

14:26 Caller No, the baby, like, I didn't know I was pregnant until I was already eight months. And the baby was born dead.

14:33 Drew Were you doing drugs during that time?

14:34 Caprice Bourret Wait, how could you not know that you had a baby after eight months?

14:38 Caller I just didn't know. I just didn't know.

14:42 Drew That happens all the time. Welcome to America, Drew, please.

14:46 Adam Alright, Alex?

14:47 Yeah?

14:48 Adam Alright, so you've had a lot of things happen in your young life. So what you need to do now is get a little therapy, read a book, stop acting out.

14:56 Caller I was in a therapist.

14:57 Adam Don't get in a relationship for a little while.

15:00 Drew Don't take this out on yourself. All the piercings and the need for physical sort of abuse during sexual intercourse, the way of achieving some sort of orgasmic function is not a good thing. It's all diverting you from the real needs that you have.

15:12 Caprice Bourret No, but you couldn't have an orgasm when he bit your piercing, right?

15:18 Caller I could then, but I didn't like it. It like hurt, and I didn't think I liked it, but I still got it all.

15:23 Adam Alex, here's what we're saying. You have much bigger fish to fry than the orgasm. Let me worry about the orgasm.

15:31 Drew One of the theories about how this happens, Alex, is that you tend to have walling pieces of yourself off as bad. That you sort of have bad parts of yourself that you don't have direct contact with in your daily sort of existence. Alex is Alex, and those pieces only get sort of evoked through these very highly charged experiences which are very physical and very self-abusive and very sort of-

15:54 Adam She stopped listening a half hour ago, Drew.

15:56 Drew I know, but the point is she needs to come back to the whole place.

15:59 Caprice Bourret Wait, Alex, did you go to therapy or anything for all this?

16:01 Drew Yeah, she did.

16:02 Caller Huh? Excuse me?

16:03 Adam Are you in therapy?

16:04 Caller I was, but my therapist said that I seemed to have everything for you together.

16:08 Adam No way.

16:09 Drew That's code for your insurance resources to run out.

16:12 Adam Oh, yeah.

16:13 Drew Seriously, that's what's happening these days.

16:14 Caller No, no, it was free.

16:16 Drew That's also code for- that's all we can afford right now.

16:18 Adam That's all we can afford right now.

16:19 Drew That's all we can do with here.

16:20 Adam Hey, Alex? Yeah? Get back into therapy and just work on yourself and not on relationships for a little while.

16:25 Drew Get It On is free. Work a 12-step programmer. If you're into drugs, we didn't really get into how far you are into drugs, which I know she's into at least some.

16:31 Right.

16:32 Drew Recovery program is some time. A 12-step program is free. It's available. It would be great for you, Alex.

16:36 Caller All right.

16:37 Adam Angela?

16:38 Yes. Okay. Here's my question.

16:40 Caller Yeah.

16:41 Drew By the way, is that not the case?

16:43 Adam Yeah, you get the three bucks. Oh, absolutely.

16:46 Caprice Bourret This is shocking. How many times do you hear this kind of story?

16:49 Drew We'll hear it again in about five minutes.

16:51 Adam No, we won't hear it again in five minutes. We hear it a lot, but it never gets old. Angelo, I mean that in a bad way. You're 26.

17:00 Caller Yes. My question is, I have this really intense, passionate feeling for really fat women.

17:09 Adam Good.

17:10 Caller And I have had this all my life.

17:12 Adam Are you black?

17:13 Caller No, I'm white. I'm Italian, actually.

17:15 Adam I'm out of time.

17:17 Caller And I'll tell you what. The other day, I was in this Coney Island in the skinny. Well, other guys would think she was beautiful. You know, blonde hair and everything. She was talking to me and she was hitting on me. And I just put her down. I cannot. Skinny women are absolutely disgusting.

17:35 Drew You're gay.

17:35 Caprice Bourret Wait a minute. Was your mom very voluptuous?

17:39 Caller No. My mom was, you know, normal. You know, fine.

17:44 Adam All right. Well, listen, I wouldn't fight it if I were you.

17:49 Caprice Bourret Yeah.

17:50 Adam Well, I mean, that's just that's just more for you.

17:52 Caller Dr. Drew, I was I heard that psychologists may have written something in the past about the reasons why I guess it's 20 percent of the male population is has this crazy interest in big women. And I was wondering if you may have read anything or if you may, you know, if you know anything about why I'm like this.

18:20 Drew And are you saying you have read something about this?

18:22 Caller I've heard of somebody writing something about it.

18:26 Drew What was the theory you heard? You don't know what the theory was?

18:28 Caller No. Well, yeah, actually I do. It said something like a lack of a mother figure possibly and a possible like abandonment.

18:40 Drew Yeah, which is sort of a very vague in general.

18:44 Adam And big cans usually on the larger cows.

18:47 Drew I think it is in the order of a desire to be consumed and sort of swallowed up in the relationship.

18:56 Adam If she gets high enough, you could be eaten.

18:58 Caprice Bourret Can I tell you something? I think you guys are over-scrutinizing this whole situation.

19:02 Adam I'm not. I'm with him.

19:04 Caprice Bourret Excuse me, you. I haven't had a word in, so hear me out. Like, look, for me, right? I like a dark guy with a very big willy. Okay? So, hey.

19:15 Adam She was with me. I was with her for a minute there.

19:16 Caprice Bourret Does that mean I'm psychologically crazy or what? No, I think it's normal. I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

19:22 Caller Yeah, but I bet you, you'd go out with a white guy who was really nice if he came on to you. But my issue is, I think skinny women are disgusting.

19:30 Adam No, she wouldn't. When you say dark guy, do you mean a black man or do you mean a dark skinned, dark haired?

19:36 Caprice Bourret Dark hair.

19:37 Alright, I could do that.

19:38 Adam We got to work on the willy.

19:40 Drew You got a big little problem there.

19:42 Caprice Bourret Wait, let me see the hands. Yeah, I think you might have a problem, sweetheart.

19:45 Adam Oh, look at that. Come on. Yeah, but look how fast I can move them.

19:50 Caprice Bourret That's not my problem.

19:51 Adam Oh, it could be.

19:53 Caller You play your cards right.

19:55 Adam Oh, yes. Angelo, if you think it's a problem, then maybe it's a problem. Otherwise, if you're really attracted to big women, that is the good, that's great.

20:07 Drew I think the point is that why scrutinize what is your level of attractiveness or attraction? If you're comfortable with it, that's what it is. That's what it is.

20:15 Adam Right. Don't fight yourself. Absolutely. Believe me, you'll get plenty of chicks.

20:21 Caprice Bourret Absolutely.

20:24 Adam Big Willie, where did you know? Now, most women, here's the thing. I think most women say they don't care, but I think that's almost politically correct.

20:35 Drew No, I think there's a small percentage, not small, there's a percentage that does, that's all.

20:38 Caprice Bourret Absolutely.

20:39 Adam There's an unvocal minority that really does like a big Willie. God bless you for speaking out on it.

20:47 I love that candor.

20:49 Caprice Bourret Exactly. Some guys, they like big boobs. Some guys, they like small. Some girls like big Willie. Some girls don't.

20:55 Adam That's right, they don't.

20:57 Caprice Bourret Hey.

20:59 Adam But you like a big Willie, right?

21:01 Caprice Bourret Yeah. If we're doing it in my wallet anymore, are we going to have to find out some more?

21:04 Adam We may gamble later. What is considered a big Willie to you? I mean, I know maybe, I'll tell you what, I'll show you.

21:13 Drew Are you going to draw something there? What are you doing?

21:15 Adam I'm drawing a penis, yeah. No, okay, I'll show you with my fingers, okay? We're going inside dimension, you know, from the inside of each finger, okay?

21:23 Caprice Bourret If we're talking about your finger, that is really pretty ominous.

21:25 Adam Oh, going right to left here. Okay, now this is, that's 6.

21:32 Drew He was a carpenter.

21:32 Adam Yes, I know what everything is. This is 6 inches right here. Is that our, now this is average here, what I got right here, it's about 5 and 3 eighths.

21:41 Caprice Bourret You know what, I really have not scrutinized a willy, it's more on how it feels.

21:46 Adam You know it when you see it? Oh, it's how it feels.

21:48 Caller Yeah.

21:49 Adam So something like that, that's like 7 and a half, 8. Too big?

21:53 Caprice Bourret You know what, like I said, I've never sat there and measured one unfortunately. Right. It's just the amount of the way it feels.

22:00 Adam I understand.

22:01 Okay.

22:03 Adam May I wrap some duct tape around mine or something? All right.

22:06 Drew I'm confused.

22:07 Adam She likes a big penis but she doesn't know what one looks like, she just knows the way it feels. So maybe it's not big.

22:13 You know it.

22:14 Adam Maybe it's not a big penis.

22:16 Caprice Bourret What's wrong with that?

22:18 Adam Well, I mean maybe it's not a big penis. You just know the way it feels.

22:21 Caprice Bourret No, it definitely, definitely is.

22:23 Adam So okay, so you like a big penis, like a wide penis, right? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, some girth. You know what?

22:29 Caprice Bourret Let's go on to another subject.

22:30 Adam All right.

22:31 Caprice Bourret Let's go on to another caller.

22:32 Adam All right. I'm not the one who brought up the dark features in the big penis.

22:36 Caprice Bourret I had no idea that you'd keep going on about it for the next half an hour.

22:39 Adam Well, you got to understand I'm just doing my job here, man.

22:41 Drew Let's go to break. Let's go to break.

22:42 Adam No, wait a minute. Let's see how to skip for one second. Skip.

22:46 Yeah.

22:47 Adam You're 19.

22:48 Caller Yeah. I have a slight odor and discharge coming from my navel. I've been treated for it once effectively with, I believe, with Feflex, but I'm not sure. And it came back a short while after. I'm just wondering what these symptoms might be.

23:00 Adam All right. Hang on a little bit there, Skip. All right. I'll tell you what's going on down there.

23:04 Caller Sure.

23:05 Adam Caprice is our guest tonight. She's currently the good-looking blonde, is on the cover of the Playboy. Also, we'll have herself a record out, at least stateside, whenever the vibe gets right. I'm going to look at this Playboy. You don't mind, do you, Caprice?

23:21 Caprice Bourret No, I'm sure you already have.

23:23 Adam No. Well, yeah, you're right. I have. I did kind of glance at it, but not this particular one I hold in my hand. It was at the office.

23:31 Caprice Bourret Well, hey, it's there for you to look at.

23:32 Adam Good. You're not uncomfortable me looking at it in front of you? Okay. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break, and we'll be back with Skip and Smelly Navel after this.

23:42 Drew We're about to get funky, yo.

23:45 This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

24:17 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's my partner, Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-E-E-1-9-1. Caprice is our guest this evening. She's a model. I guess you call her supermodel and a recording artist.

24:33 Caprice Bourret Actually, I quit modeling about a year ago.

24:38 Adam Yeah.

24:38 Why?

24:40 Caprice Bourret Because I'm singing now.

24:41 Adam All right. So she's not a model, right?

24:44 Caprice Bourret I was a model, yeah.

24:45 Adam She was a model. But you do a playboy spread.

24:48 Drew Your friend John Stewart's in there.

24:49 Caprice Bourret But hello, you look on Vogue and you see Gwyneth Paltrow. Is she a model?

24:53 Adam I guess so.

24:54 Caprice Bourret Minnie Driver, Shania Twain, Mariah Carey.

24:59 Caller Right.

25:00 Adam All model.

25:00 Drew You're a model too, Adam.

25:03 Caller That's right.

25:04 Caller Yeah.

25:05 Adam It's tough work.

25:08 Caller Yeah.

25:08 Adam I could have been a model.

25:09 Caller I just want to get-

25:09 Adam No, you are.

25:10 Drew You had a picture in a magazine. That's the case you're making.

25:12 Adam Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Well, no, she was a model and she's in Playboy now. I think your model status is still alive. I'd keep it alive.

25:21 Caprice Bourret Like I said before, I was supposed to have a record at the same time as my cover.

25:26 Adam Yeah. You'd be an artist and a model. I want to keep you, I want to keep the model status alive.

25:32 Caller That's what I'm saying.

25:33 Adam It's important to my family.

25:35 Caprice Bourret All right. Okay. Well, that just clears up everything.

25:39 Adam Thanks for understanding.

25:41 Caprice Bourret You're welcome.

25:43 Adam Skip?

25:43 Yeah.

25:44 Adam You're 19. You got the discharge. Your belly's got a discharge.

25:47 Caller Right.

25:48 Drew Skip, did they ever do any kind of CAT scan or anything to see if there's anything down deep?

25:52 Caller No, not at all.

25:52 Drew Because you can get actually abscesses in there and the fluid collections and things that can need excision.

25:58 Adam How deep is your belly button?

26:00 Caller Well, it's more of an extra extroverted one.

26:04 Adam Oh, it is?

26:05 Caller Yeah. No, not like a little button, but it's not deep at all, really.

26:10 Drew Can you see where the infection is coming from?

26:12 Caller No, it's just a little red around the rim, I guess.

26:15 Adam And has white fluid coming out of it?

26:18 Caller It's more of a rustic.

26:20 Drew Is it like honey colored?

26:21 Caller You're right, yeah.

26:22 Drew Okay, that's strap. That's a really typical strap infection.

26:27 Adam And it leaks out of the belly button?

26:28 Drew No, it doesn't really leak. It is a skin infection.

26:31 Adam Oh, it is. It just happens to have it there.

26:32 Drew Oh, impotigo, yeah. And even things like Bactroban, topical cream will work. Keflex, as you mentioned, would work for it too. But you got to take it for a few weeks.

26:41 Caprice Bourret Is it contagious?

26:42 Drew Yeah, yeah.

26:44 Caprice Bourret So you have to be careful.

26:45 Drew But it really clears up rather quickly. So go ahead and get it taken care of, right?

26:49 Caller All right. So it is contagious. I remember smelling it on a girl I was with, kind of. And so I could have got it from someone like that.

26:56 Adam Smelling it on her?

26:57 Caprice Bourret Oh, you know what? It could be a yeast infection, no?

27:00 Drew Honey-colored crust is a classic in Patigo, and it's a location you can get it. So smelling, the things that smell bad are anaerobic infections. And that's why I was thinking the deeper umbilical infections, but it may just be part of the superficial infection.

27:15 Adam Lance?

27:17 Caller Oh, yeah, Adam.

27:17 Adam You're 18.

27:18 Caller Yes, I am.

27:19 Adam What's up?

27:21 Caller About a week and a half ago, my friend, my best friend of about four years, gave some random guy one of my friend's head while I was like in the back of the truck. Like we were stuck out four-wheeling, we got stuck in the mud, and while the tow truck was towing us out, like I witnessed this and like, I don't really know what to do.

27:42 Adam Well, where were they?

27:43 Caller They were up in the cab, and I was like in the back under the camper shell.

27:46 Caller Uh-huh.

27:47 Drew So you feel like that was sort of inappropriate?

27:50 Caller Yeah.

27:51 Caller Yeah.

27:51 Adam Whose truck was it?

27:52 Caller It was hers.

27:54 Adam Oh, it was hers?

27:55 Caller Yeah.

27:55 Adam I see. Yeah. Did she have the seats?

27:59 Caller If it was my truck, I would have been in that cabin a second pulling both of those people out of it.

28:03 Adam All right. So let me just make sure I got this straight. Was it your girlfriend?

28:07 Caller No.

28:07 Caller She's not even my girlfriend. It's just like she's my best friend.

28:10 Drew She's a good friend.

28:11 Caller I liked her this entire time.

28:12 Caller Oh, of course.

28:13 Adam Yeah. That's why he's pissed.

28:15 Caller Oh, yeah. Yeah.

28:15 Adam If it's just a friend of yours, then you just get a free show.

28:18 Who cares?

28:20 Caprice Bourret And she knew that you liked her.

28:21 No, she didn't.

28:22 Drew No, obviously not. That is the fallacy of maintaining a friendship when one person is involved and the other isn't. It never works out.

28:31 Caller Yeah.

28:32 Adam And then you get angry at them, but you're really kind of angry at yourself for not making a move years ago or months ago.

28:36 Drew You're angry at them for having a life, for going ahead and having relationships.

28:40 Caller Yeah, but she knew this guy for like four hours.

28:43 Adam She what?

28:44 Caller She knew this guy for like four hours.

28:46 Adam Hey, Lance, she can do whatever she wants. She's single. You never said anything to her, right?

28:51 Caprice Bourret No, hey, maybe it's a blessing.

28:52 Caller I did say something to her like the next night. I pretty much went off at her.

28:56 Adam How'd she take it? That's good.

28:57 Caller She didn't take it.

28:58 Adam All right.

28:59 Caller She just took it. She was just like...

29:00 Adam You lust after her for years and then explode one night after she performs oral sex. That's a beautiful tank. You'll get tons of chicks with that angle.

29:10 Caller You bitch!

29:12 Adam Who was I yelling at? Hey, Lance.

29:14 Drew Your mom probably.

29:15 Adam It's always my mom.

29:16 Doesn't matter who's in front of me.

29:18 Adam Lance, you really should be mad at yourself.

29:20 Caller Well, I am kind of mad at myself.

29:21 Adam Good. Now, how long have you known her?

29:24 Caller Four years.

29:24 Adam And you never made a move?

29:26 Caller Never.

29:26 Drew Once.

29:27 Well, I never had to.

29:28 Drew Because I mean, you never reciprocate.

29:31 You never respond.

29:33 Caprice Bourret But Lance, what do you want from this girl? Do you want a blowjob or do you want a girlfriend?

29:38 Caller I'm not really sure I want either of those. Exactly.

29:41 Caprice Bourret Now that you found out that she knew someone after four hours and she gave him a blowjob.

29:45 Adam He'll take a BJ in the next five minutes. Cut his pinky off for one. Lance, then that's it. What are you calling for? You don't want a BJ? You don't want to be boyfriend, girlfriend, whether what do you want from us?

29:56 Caller I said I'm trying to salvage this relationship.

29:58 Adam What do you mean salvage it? Why?

30:00 Because she's my best friend.

30:02 Caprice Bourret I know, but the problem's not with her. It's with you. So.

30:04 Drew The friendship is based on a lie.

30:06 Adam No, Lance, you're full of crap. All right, dude. No, I don't think you're lying to us. You're lying to yourself. You only like her because you're attracted to her. You're hurt that you were sort of impotent and unable to make a move. Then she made a move with another guy that hurt you more. Then you sort of exploded on her. And now you just want to be friends. You don't just want to be friends. You still like her.

30:25 Caprice Bourret Exactly.

30:27 Adam So you're going to have to either ask her out or just back off.

30:32 Drew Asking out?

30:33 Adam Forget it. Lance, move on. And next time you meet a woman, you have to ask them out almost immediately.

30:39 Drew Or she's going to be your friend.

30:40 Adam I'll ask it. I'll ask a woman out before I meet her now.

30:44 Drew Good top policy.

30:45 Adam That's right. I won't even say hi.

30:46 Caprice Bourret Did he hang up on you?

30:47 Drew It goes along with your steering wheel.

30:49 Caprice Bourret Are you hung up on me?

30:49 Adam You know what I do now?

30:50 Drew Behind your seat.

30:51 Adam I take a note that says, will you go out with me? I tie it to a rock and I just throw it through random windows. I don't even want to meet the people because when you have the conversation, it can only go on so long before you become friends or it gets weird. You have to strike while they're on the side.

31:05 Caprice Bourret Do you have a girlfriend?

31:06 Caller No.

31:08 You got a boyfriend?

31:12 No.

31:12 Caller Yeah?

31:13 Adam I got this dark hair, right?

31:16 Caprice Bourret When was the last time you had a girlfriend?

31:19 Adam A couple of months.

31:21 Caller Yeah.

31:22 Adam A couple of months. A couple of months. I'm clean. Is that what you're asking?

31:25 Caprice Bourret No. How long did that relationship last for?

31:27 Adam I had a very long relationship, like three years and change.

31:30 Caprice Bourret Right.

31:31 Caller Yeah.

31:32 Adam I don't know what you're driving at.

31:33 Caprice Bourret I'm just asking.

31:34 Caller Okay.

31:35 Caprice Bourret I'm just asking.

31:36 Adam I can deal with the fact that I am gay now.

31:38 Caprice Bourret I'm just asking.

31:40 Drew You shouldn't ask if it was a male or female.

31:43 Adam It was both.

31:45 Caller Joe? Joe?

31:48 Yeah. Hello?

31:49 Caller Yeah.

31:49 Adam You're 20. What's up?

31:51 Caller Yeah. I had listened to the Marines about five months ago and I took a drug test and I passed it. Now, when I go to boot camp next month, they give me another drug test. But I've been working out a lot. And I'm just wondering if by any chance from working out...

32:08 Drew Have you lost a bunch of weight?

32:10 Caller I haven't really lost a lot of weight, but...

32:11 Drew Okay. What was your drug history?

32:14 Caller Well, from before that, probably about the last two years, I was using daily. Smoking weed, yeah.

32:21 Drew Five months, you should be fine.

32:23 Caller Even though I'm working out a lot?

32:24 Drew Even though you're working out. How long have you been working out hard?

32:27 Caller Probably the last two months.

32:28 Drew No, you're fine. You're fine.

32:30 Adam You're fine, Joe.

32:31 Drew Just don't do it the day before the urine test.

32:34 Caller All right, thanks.

32:34 Adam All right. Good luck in the Marines.

32:36 Caller Thanks.

32:37 Adam Yeah. Bad time when you join a couple of years after high school. That means you tried something, didn't quite work out. I was this close to joining the Coast Guard Reserve or something when I was 19.

32:47 Drew Not even the Marines.

32:48 Adam Yeah. The military is like prison for people who don't want to commit a crime.

32:53 Caprice Bourret You think so. At least he's doing something instructive. Good on him.

32:57 Adam Yeah. I choose to look at the evil in people.

33:01 Caprice Bourret I was going to say you choose to look at the pessimistic side.

33:04 Caller Right.

33:05 Adam And I think most people think that. They just don't say anything.

33:08 Caller Richard?

33:09 Hello.

33:10 Adam You're 23?

33:11 Caller Yeah.

33:11 Adam What's up?

33:12 Caller Well, I have problems like lasting with Small Lady when we're getting it on. And I like to know how to like overpass that and last.

33:24 Caller Overpass it.

33:25 Caprice Bourret This question is asked quite a lot, huh?

33:27 Adam Yes.

33:28 Drew How long? Men are very worried about their performance.

33:30 Caprice Bourret Yeah, you're not alone.

33:31 Drew How long do you actually last?

33:33 Caller Like five to six minutes.

33:35 Drew Marathon man.

33:36 Caller Oh, yeah.

33:37 Adam Hey, no, I don't make any jokes in front of Caprice.

33:41 Caller No, go ahead.

33:43 Adam No, you got to try masturbating before you have sex.

33:46 Caller Yeah, I've did that once, but it only made it last like 15, 20 minutes longer. That was it.

33:52 Caprice Bourret Well, that's quite good.

33:53 Adam Hold on a second there, Richard Ritardo.

33:55 Caller Goofball.

33:59 Adam Most women, after 20 minutes or so, are getting a little on the sore side anyway. I mean, for actual intercourse.

34:08 Caller Ouch.

34:09 Adam I like to perform oral sex on a woman for a good day and a half before the actual intercourse begins. Drew has heard me talk about that many a time, right?

34:17 Caprice Bourret He's trying to win points right now.

34:18 Caller It's okay.

34:21 Adam I know your schedule is very busy. We go to work together, back of a limo. I understand there's a little break sometimes when you're going from the limo to the hotel.

34:29 Caprice Bourret A day and a half. Let me tell you something. Talk is very, very cheap.

34:32 Adam No, there's no talking when I'm down there either. Once in a while, I'll gesture to the-

34:36 Caprice Bourret Come up to breathe.

34:37 Adam I'll point at the Gatorade bottle. That means you just slash a little down there.

34:42 Caprice Bourret I want to know how long this guy wants to last for.

34:45 Adam Well, he masturbates. It adds 15 to 20 minutes, which gets him up to 20 or 25 minutes.

34:51 Drew That's it. We're done. I don't want to know how long. No, no, no.

34:53 Adam You don't want to know?

34:54 Drew Who cares? It's all bogus.

34:57 Adam Hey, Richard, you go down on her. That's what she wants anyway.

35:03 Drew You're doing fine, Richard. Just keep up the pace you're at.

35:06 Adam Oh, yes.

35:07 Drew And I just, I don't want to gratify him with the discussion of how he could get extra, you know, to get the 30 or 40 minutes, that's ridiculous.

35:14 Adam Yeah. Well, it's a gift and, you know, a lot of guys don't have that. Emily? You're 14?

35:21 Caprice Bourret Yeah.

35:21 Adam What's up?

35:22 Okay. Two days ago, I got drunk and I had unprotected sex and I'm afraid I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do.

35:30 Caprice Bourret Two days ago. You know what you could do? You could get this, it's the day after pill. I think it's up to three days you could use it. You have to.

35:39 Adam Drew, you found another wife.

35:42 Caprice Bourret Honestly, you should see a doctor right away before you get to the third day.

35:46 Drew Where do you live, Emily?

35:47 Okay.

35:48 Drew Where do you live?

35:49 Near Long Beach.

35:50 Drew In California. Because in the state of Washington, you can get it without a prescription.

35:53 No, I live in California.

35:53 Drew And it's Prevent or Plan B. You've heard us talk about it here before, right?

35:58 Yeah.

35:58 Drew All right. Did you think about getting that?

36:01 Yeah. But like, it was, I don't know, like, because it's going to be 78 hours, like pretty soon or 74 hours.

36:09 Drew Don't you want to get out and get that?

36:11 I don't think I can.

36:12 Caller Like, why not?

36:13 Drew Why not?

36:13 Caprice Bourret You go to a clinic.

36:15 Adam Emily, your argument is, is, yeah, well, the deadline will be soon upon us.

36:20 Caprice Bourret Yeah.

36:21 Adam So let's not do anything.

36:24 Caprice Bourret Well, do you know how? Let me ask, do you know how to do this? First of all, do you know where to go or who to see? No. Exactly. So.

36:32 Adam Caprice, how do you know about this? The Drew drill at India earlier in the webcast or something?

36:37 Caprice Bourret No, there's quite a lot of people that didn't know about this.

36:41 Adam We haven't met too many. That's all. It's a compliment.

36:43 Drew You were a huge advocate for this.

36:45 Caprice Bourret You must know.

36:46 Drew Huge. We talk about it all the time. Huge. Constantly. Emily, Planned Parenthood will be able to get it for you. Your family doctor can get it to you, confidentially. You're 14. You're entitled to confidential health care.

36:55 Adam Here's the deal, Emily. You have to go out and do this thing whenever Planned Parenthood opens tomorrow morning.

37:01 Drew Or call your doctor tonight to get a prescription in All Night Pharmacy and go out and get it.

37:05 Caprice Bourret What does she have a doctor? I bet she doesn't even know who to call.

37:08 Adam Emily? You know who to call?

37:10 No.

37:11 Caprice Bourret No, exactly.

37:12 Adam What happened? Did you say you were raped?

37:14 No, I got drunk.

37:16 Adam That's kind of like rape when you get drunk.

37:18 Drew In California, that's the rape.

37:19 Caprice Bourret What kind of clinic? If she called 411, what kind of clinic would she...

37:22 Drew Planned Parenthood.

37:23 Adam Who is the guy?

37:24 Caprice Bourret Planned Parenthood. This is who you call, Emily. Okay. Call 411 and ask for Planned Parenthood.

37:30 Adam Who is the guy?

37:31 Drew I'll give you the number.

37:32 It was...

37:32 Caller All right.

37:33 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

37:34 Okay. It was one of my really good friends' boyfriends.

37:37 Caller Fantastic.

37:38 Caprice Bourret Oh, my God.

37:39 Adam Hey, Emily, listen to me. There's trouble down the road for you. You're 14 years old. You know what I mean? Yeah. And you're resisting getting help at 14 when you're quite possibly pregnant. You got to turn it around a little bit, and this is the first step.

37:57 Caprice Bourret Yeah, Emily, you've got to be careful because you can't use these pills all the time as well.

38:01 Drew Yes, you actually can. Oh, you can. But it's a sign that she needs more appropriate contraception if she's using them.

38:07 Adam If not 14, then 15 or 15 and a half.

38:09 Drew I bet the guy was 19 too.

38:11 Caprice Bourret Wait, when she calls this Planned Parenthood, I'm sure she could get the things that she needs to get for.

38:18 Drew 1-800-230-PLAN, 1-800-230-PLAN.

38:23 Adam Is that a national number?

38:25 Drew That's a number. It will give you a local referral.

38:27 Caprice Bourret Did you get that, Emily?

38:29 Adam I put her on hold. All right, let me ask her. Emily?

38:32 Drew Emily?

38:33 Caprice Bourret Did you get that? Yeah.

38:35 Drew How old was the guy?

38:36 Caprice Bourret He was 16.

38:38 Adam What's the number for Planned Parenthood?

38:41 1-800-230-PLAN.

38:43 Drew There we go.

38:44 Caprice Bourret And also ask for the condoms as well. So the next time if you're going to engage in this kind of thing, definitely use the condoms.

38:51 Drew Be smart about it. You can get free condoms from drdrew.com.

38:53 Adam You do what I do. You hand sent out the variety pack. Condoms, lubrication, morning after pill.

38:59 Drew This is one of the reasons I'm doing this.

39:00 I'm sorry.

39:01 Adam Go ahead.

39:03 Drew I apologize.

39:04 Go ahead, Dr. Loveline.

39:04 Caller No, just keep talking, you idiot.

39:06 Drew I was on my thought. You interrupted my thought.

39:08 Adam Oh, shut up.

39:09 Drew So I interrupted yours.

39:10 Adam Drew, you couldn't smell a goddamn joke coming if I burnt it in the oven.

39:14 Drew You couldn't smell us important point. Oh, shut up.

39:17 Adam Go ahead.

39:18 Drew No, I'm done.

39:18 Adam Talk, you blowhard.

39:19 Drew No, I'm done.

39:20 Adam Just go. Done with what? Done interrupting me or done with your boring diatribe?

39:25 Caller Both.

39:26 Adam Go ahead. Don't get offended at me. I'm offended at you.

39:29 This is great information that you gave this girl.

39:32 Adam What's that?

39:33 Caprice Bourret I think it's a great information. You were sitting here taking the picture of this poor girl, and he was trying to be very informative.

39:39 Adam I love Drew.

39:40 Caprice Bourret So you should be quiet and you should talk.

39:42 Adam Look at the dark hair though.

39:44 Caller Forget it.

39:45 Caprice Bourret I'm on blonde now.

39:46 Adam Oh, blonde.

39:48 Caller I know.

39:48 Caller I didn't want to see that.

39:51 Adam You're kidding me. Look at this dark.

39:53 Caller Look at this.

39:53 Adam That's mostly my color.

39:55 Caprice Bourret Stop it.

39:56 Caller Okay.

39:57 Adam All right. We'll take a little break. Caprice, who was a supermodel and is now a recording artist, is here. She's also on the cover of Playboy and caused quite a stir outside of the studio, by the way. We'll want to talk about that after this.

40:16 Caller Loveline. We'll be right back.

40:44 Adam It's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Caprice is our guest tonight. Caprice is a model, or was a model, is a recording sensation in Europe. Soon will be one out here. She's the very attractive blonde, is on the cover of this month's Playboy. Well, actually, next month's Playboy, which is out this month, the March issue. Big, beautiful, and yellow. Yes.

41:08 Caprice Bourret It's incredible, they all do it. I don't know why they bring out the covers a month before.

41:13 Adam I guess once one of them does it, the other one has to keep up with the Joneses. Yeah. This is a great looking cover too. It's bright, it's yellow, Caprice looks amazing in it. Thank you. It's very flattering, very beautiful. So you can look for that. I imagine it's going to be a real big seller. Caprice is already, it was really like Caprice mania out in the parking lot tonight. I got to tell you, I was a little surprised because we have a lot of pretty big acts on this show, bands and actors and actresses. And one thing we're famous here for Loveline is never creating too much of a stir. I mean, guys who are in big bands and actresses and actors who are in big movies come in here. And once in a while, on occasion, there's a handful of people out there. But even if there is a handful of people, and that's for someone who's in a band or whoever, they just sort of mill about a little bit. They don't seem too interested. There actually seems to be some.

42:13 Caprice Bourret Yeah, they probably didn't take off their kit as well. Maybe that has something to do with it.

42:17 Drew Pamela Lee was up here. Remember that? And there was a decent size crowd, about eight people or something. About two-thirds the size of what's out there now.

42:24 Adam Caprice came. I drove up and Caprice was getting mobbed. And it was not only a lot of people, but they're really somewhat of a little bit of a feeding frenzy. And there's sort of women in their mid-thirties who were throwing playboys at Caprice wanting her to sign it. And then I went in, I stuck my head out and yelled at all of them. Because unless someone wants me to sign something, I deem it wrong. So I couldn't figure out, I mean, I understand you're beautiful and everything's heating up for you and everything. But what the hell are 35-year-old women wanting you to sign these for?

42:58 Caprice Bourret Maybe for their kids, maybe for their son.

43:00 Adam Oh, boy.

43:01 Caprice Bourret Or maybe for themselves, you know, you never know.

43:04 Adam Yeah, but it was really, I mean, it was really like almost a little, a little frenzy out there.

43:10 Caprice Bourret Yeah.

43:10 Adam Were you scared?

43:11 Caprice Bourret No.

43:12 Caller Okay.

43:14 Adam I was frightened. Jerry?

43:16 Yeah.

43:16 Adam You're 30.

43:17 Caller Yes, I'm 30.

43:18 Adam What's up?

43:19 Caller I got married when I was 16, and I've been married ever since, and I have eight kids.

43:24 Adam Unacceptable.

43:27 Caller Well, he's Italian Catholic, and I'm Irish Catholic, so.

43:31 Adam One of you is going to have a little Polish in you.

43:33 Caller Yeah, just a little.

43:34 Adam Are you kidding me?

43:35 Caller But anyway, I'm like-

43:37 Adam By the way, I look at eight kids as abuse.

43:39 Caller Oh, no.

43:40 Adam Yes, it is child abuse.

43:42 Caller On me.

43:44 Adam It's abuse on your vagina, and it's child abuse on your children.

43:49 Drew Anyway.

43:50 Adam Seriously, do you know all their names?

43:52 Caller Oh, yes.

43:53 Adam One of them could be kidnapped and go to Turkey for four years. You wouldn't know it. Eight kids.

43:59 Drew Anyway.

44:00 Adam Ridiculous.

44:00 Drew They have to work the farm, Adam. Come on.

44:02 Caller Yeah. My question is, how does one find time with their husband when they have this many children?

44:08 Adam You don't do anything.

44:10 Caprice Bourret Forget it.

44:11 Caller Forget it.

44:12 Caprice Bourret Forget it.

44:13 Drew Forget it. I don't know if people have trouble doing it with one.

44:16 Adam Yeah. Listen, I have a turtle and I can't get laid.

44:19 Caprice Bourret Unless, I mean, unless if you give...

44:22 Adam I had to kill the turtle. Well, at least I blamed it on the turtle. Maybe it wasn't the turtle's fault.

44:27 Caller It's not so much not having sex. It's just I don't know how to give him attention as well as the kids. And he feels like totally left out. Like he's nothing, you know.

44:38 Caprice Bourret Well, why don't you guys take... I mean, what if... Can you give four kids to your mom and four kids to his mom and go take a holiday?

44:45 Caller Well, that's the dilemma. We don't... My folks have passed away and his are in Florida, so... Yeah, it's like...

44:53 Drew Friends.

44:54 Adam Isn't one of the kids like 27 by now or something? What?

44:58 Drew I'm 16.

44:59 Caller No, I'd be rich if that were true, but...

45:00 Adam How old's the oldest?

45:02 Caller The oldest is almost 16.

45:03 Adam All right. And they're out of rehab?

45:06 Caller Oh, well, I don't know.

45:08 Adam How's that 16-year-old doing?

45:10 Caller Well, actually he got brought home by the cops the other night for being with a 19-year-old girl.

45:14 Adam What a surprise.

45:15 Caller Oh, that's all right.

45:16 Adam Oh, he's going to have 15 kids before his 20th birthday.

45:19 Caller Yeah, my husband's like, Oh, way to go. And I'm like, Shut up.

45:23 Adam Well, listen, listen, why don't you have him look after the other seven and you two sneak out to the Arby's or something and have a romantic evening?

45:30 Caller No, I think that's a good idea.

45:32 Adam Yeah.

45:32 Caller That's a great idea.

45:33 Adam Have the 16-year-old look after the rest of them. You guys head out.

45:36 Caller Let's see if we can get really good because I buy magazines and dirty movies and stuff like that. And, you know, I have no problem with them going out.

45:44 Adam All right. Going out.

45:45 Caller Yeah.

45:46 Adam All right. You guys go out. You guys go out this Friday, OK?

45:50 Caller OK.

45:51 Adam You go to a nice restaurant and let the 16-year-old look after the youngins.

45:55 Caller You got it.

45:56 Adam All right.

45:56 Drew Have a round on Corolla.

45:57 Adam All right. Yeah, have a round on me, except for you guys will pay. I'm picturing like a bunk bed that's eight stories high.

46:04 Caller You know what I mean?

46:04 Drew I think a little old woman lives in the shoe.

46:06 Caller Oh, man.

46:08 Adam I was yelling about this on the air the other day. Anything more than five kids is abuse. That's what I really look at as abuse.

46:15 Caprice Bourret But do you think it's a-

46:15 Adam Unless you're Dick Van Patten. Yeah.

46:17 Caprice Bourret But do you think it's a religious thing where she can't use-

46:21 Drew Good question.

46:22 Caprice Bourret I mean, why in the world would somebody want to have eight kids to begin with?

46:25 Adam It's a combination of stupidity. Well, here's the thing about being stupid. Here's one of the hallmarks of being stupid. You make the same mistakes over and over and over again. If you really think about it, everyone makes mistakes. I've made the same mistake 30 times, but I don't make it 31 times.

46:46 Caprice Bourret But it must be a religious thing. There must be something substantial behind it.

46:50 Adam They worship the stupid God. That's what it is. That's the religion behind that.

46:55 Drew She's off the line.

46:56 Adam All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. Caprice is here. I think she's warming up to me.

47:00 Drew Yes, it's a little bit more. Let me finish my comment.

47:05 Adam We got off on the wrong foot, but we're really warming up now.

47:09 Drew One of the reasons that drdrew.com is giving me free condoms is to lower the barriers to people like that color. We have that four-year-old that needs condoms, afraid to get them as a shame, logs on, drdrew.com, free condoms are sent to her.

47:20 Adam Okay, we'll take ourselves a little break when we come back. We'll talk to you. Christina's never had an orgasm, never masturbated. Wants to know if it's possible that she's unable to have an orgasm.

47:30 Caller We'll talk to her after that.

47:33 Caller Let's have some more fun.

47:34 Caller Okay, let's do it.

47:37 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:41 Loveline, we'll be right back.

48:14 Adam Loveline, we're going to take a quick 10-second timeout, and we'll be back with more of the program in just 10 seconds.

48:20 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

48:35 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Caprice is our guest tonight. She's currently on the cover of the March edition of Playboy. You've probably seen her. I think I have something at my office with her in a bikini from some calendar, magazine. Oh, well, the point is-

48:58 Caller Yeah.

48:59 Adam Calendar. I know this is going to sound strange, but on the beach in the bikini or something standing up.

49:07 Caprice Bourret That does sound really strange.

49:08 Drew It's a reach.

49:08 Adam Yeah.

49:09 Drew Wow.

49:11 Adam Looking tan. In the picture, you look much more petite, and I don't want you to take that in a bad way. You look like a smaller person than you are on this picture and in real life. Actually, it's better in real person. You know what I mean? You look like you're 5'2 and a hundred pounds instead of 5'7 and a hundred and twenty pounds or whatever you are.

49:32 Caprice Bourret I'm a little close, yeah, 8.5, but that's all right.

49:35 Adam I should have went higher.

49:36 Caprice Bourret Give or take a few inches.

49:37 Adam That's right. All right. Drew? Yeah, so I don't know if you can think of the picture or not.

49:42 Caller Me?

49:43 Adam Not you. I was asking Caprice if she knew what you were talking about.

49:45 Caller All right, here we go.

49:45 Drew Christina.

49:47 Adam Christina? All right, so you've never had an orgasm.

49:50 Caprice Bourret No, I haven't.

49:51 Adam And not with a man or on your own.

49:54 Caprice Bourret No.

49:54 Adam And you're not about to start.

49:56 Caprice Bourret Oh, well, I don't know. That's why I wanted to know what can I do?

49:59 Caprice Bourret How old are you? You're twenty. And you've obviously been with a man. How many times?

50:05 Caprice Bourret With him? Oh, since I was fifteen.

50:08 Caprice Bourret Right.

50:08 Caprice Bourret I haven't been with anybody else since.

50:10 Caprice Bourret Have you tried doing it on your own?

50:12 Caprice Bourret No, I haven't.

50:13 Caprice Bourret Well, this is something that you've got to start trying.

50:16 Caprice Bourret By myself.

50:17 Caprice Bourret Yeah. And it's going to seem weird the first time.

50:22 Drew You know, I was giving a talk at a college and we were having a discussion about this topic. And this girl stands up and says, How come women can't talk about masturbation? I don't understand. I said, Well, look, you're in a room of 1200 people talking about it. And people do talk about it. But we finally, after a little back and forth, realized, and I think she had a good point, was that there's no language that helps women understand what they need to do, how to find that place. Guys, there's no weirdness. The weirdness is where they choose to do it and how frequently they choose to do it. What is that experience that they need to understand in order to find the place where this all happens automatically?

50:55 Caprice Bourret No, this is true, but it's a matter of experience, experimenting, you know what I mean? She has to at least try it. She hasn't even tried it.

51:02 Drew But most women need to sort of find an emotional or at least some place. Guys don't need that.

51:07 Caprice Bourret No, it definitely has to be at an emotional level, absolutely.

51:10 Drew And there's no language that helps women understand what that is.

51:12 Caprice Bourret You know what? Do you fantasize about it? I mean, you don't have to say it over the r- Well, no, go on, go on. Do you ever fantasize about anything that sort of excites you?

51:20 Caprice Bourret Not really, no.

51:21 Caprice Bourret No?

51:22 Caprice Bourret I don't know, I guess, I don't know, he tells me I'm kind of like cold-blooded or something, I don't know why, because he tries different things and I don't really, you know, feel anything and I try not to think of anything, but still, you know, there's no feeling.

51:34 Adam Christina, though, you don't have a favored celebrity or radio talk show host that you might fantasize about when you're lying in bed at night just before you go to bed?

51:44 Caprice Bourret No, no.

51:44 Who's your favorite? Who do you think is the best looking actor out there?

51:48 Caller Actor?

51:51 Caprice Bourret The other team, I don't know.

51:52 All right, good. Forget it. Don't ever have an orgasm. I could give a rat's ass. Eric, they all look the same. What the hell are you talking about? There's not a 20 year old girl who lives in North America who does not incite Brad Pitt or John Stamos or something. Yeah, I mean, they all look the same. What the hell are you talking about? Eric?

52:15 Caller Yeah.

52:16 Adam I'm only going to invest so much time into someone's vagina.

52:18 Caller I really am.

52:20 Adam You're 23.

52:21 Caller Yes.

52:21 Adam What's your question?

52:23 Caller My question is for Drew. Drew, on Thursday I woke up and my throat was a little swollen. And then on Friday it got a little worse. Saturday I noticed like a white lump on the roof of my mouth behind my palate. And then yesterday it about doubled in size.

52:41 Drew Is it a lump or like an ulcer?

52:44 Caller No, it feels like a sore.

52:46 Drew Like a sore. Are you on medication?

52:47 Caller No.

52:48 Drew No medicine. Have you ever taken antibiotics or anything recently?

52:51 Caller Well, I took a cephaloxan when I first felt it because I thought it might be an infection.

52:57 Drew Have you ever had cephalox before?

53:00 Caller Yeah, for a polonial cyst.

53:01 Drew And it didn't cause any sores in your mouth or anything?

53:04 Caller No.

53:05 Adam Well, have you been doing anything sexual?

53:08 Drew In my experience, the most common reason for what you seem to be describing is medication side effects.

53:13 Caller Really?

53:14 Drew You're not on anything?

53:15 Caller Uh-uh.

53:17 Caller All right.

53:18 Drew I suppose the...

53:19 Caller I had the cephaloxan and Vicodin for my polonial cyst, but I haven't...

53:26 Drew How much cephaloxan did you take?

53:28 Caller I took one on Thursday. I took one on Friday, and that's it.

53:34 Drew Well, somebody has to see it.

53:35 Caprice Bourret Yeah, exactly. Going to see a doctor right away.

53:38 Drew I'm not quite sure what you're describing. It seems to be more than just an ulcer.

53:41 Caprice Bourret Definitely.

53:42 Yeah?

53:43 Adam You're 16.

53:44 Caller Yeah.

53:44 Adam What's up?

53:45 Caller Okay. Last April, I was friends with this one guy for about five months, and he spent the night on my pad because, you know, my family trusted him and everything, and he was too drawn to drive home. And he, I fell asleep, and I woke up, and he was on top of me, and he was, like, touching me and stuff, you know, sexually assaulting me.

54:12 Drew Asshole.

54:12 Caller And, you know, I didn't say anything to anybody because I was ashamed, and then I just found out.

54:18 Drew Why were you ashamed for being assaulted by some jerk?

54:21 Caller Yeah.

54:22 Drew Why were you ashamed for that?

54:23 Caller I don't know. I was just scared. I didn't want to say anything.

54:25 Adam What did you do at the time?

54:27 Caller I pushed him off me, and I started hitting him, and yelling at him.

54:31 Adam And he moved on?

54:33 Caller Yeah. I never talked to him since then, and then I was talking to one of my really close friends at the end of last month, and I was like, yeah, so you don't talk to your son so anymore, huh? I was like, why? She was all, well, no reason whatsoever, and I was all, well, why can't you talk to him? She was all, because, you know, and then she ended up telling me that he sexually assaulted her too. And I was wondering if we should get together and try to do something about it.

55:02 Caprice Bourret This guy is sick.

55:03 Caller Of course.

55:04 Caprice Bourret This guy is sick.

55:06 Caller And I was told, like, after, like, that they're all, because people were asking why I didn't talk to him anymore, and I was like, no reason, you know, I just didn't like being around him anymore.

55:16 Adam How old is he?

55:17 Caller He was 23.

55:19 Adam 23? Hold on a second. All right. Wait a minute. Now, she's healthy in the sense that she fought the guy off, and she has some impulse to turn the guy in. On the other hand, what the hell kind of family is this? There's a drunken 23-year-old friend of hers. When you're 16, your daughter's male friend should not be 23. And you're going to let that loaded adult come spend the night at the house. Something's a little up with that. Why is she hanging around with her other friend, who's 16? And where's mommy and daddy and all this? Elaine?

55:52 Caller Yeah.

55:53 Adam Why is this guy sleeping over at your house? Why are you even hanging around with a 23-year-old guy?

55:57 Caller I don't know. I like to talk to older guys because...

56:00 Drew Why are your parents allowing that?

56:01 Adam Where's your dad?

56:02 Caller My dad? Well, just recently, my mom and dad split up.

56:04 Drew Yeah. No surprise.

56:07 Adam Does your dad drink?

56:08 Caller Yeah, my dad. He's a little alcoholic.

56:10 Drew Oh, yeah.

56:10 Caller All right.

56:11 Adam Now it's getting a little clearer now. Hey, how old is your friend?

56:18 Caller She's 16 also.

56:19 Caller Okay.

56:19 Drew She has an alcoholic dad too, probably.

56:21 Caller I have no clue.

56:23 Adam Well, you haven't met him, right?

56:24 Caller No, I never really met her family.

56:26 Adam All right. I suggest you two do get together and file some kind of report. Why not?

56:32 Drew It might be good for you.

56:33 Adam Put it on. You know, the important thing is that you establish some sort of record. So if this happens again, there's some precedent.

56:41 Drew Then you stop the cycle of being victimized and sort of this crazy fantasy with older guys that are not available and are abusive. And by the way, get a little alatine going here.

56:50 Caprice Bourret But let me ask you guys a question really fast before we go on. I mean, what if this becomes public? They're going to be publicly humiliated at their school. So maybe that's why.

56:59 Adam It won't get.

56:59 Drew They were lying asleep, a guy jumped on them.

57:01 Adam And they smacked them and got them and pushed them off. But I don't think it will become public. Why is everyone going to find out at school if they go to the cops, this guy's not in school. They're in school. But if they don't say anything, it shouldn't filter back.

57:15 Drew And again, where did that shame come from for a guy attacking her? She feels ashamed and responsible for a guy attacking her.

57:21 Caprice Bourret No, it's absolutely disgusting what this guy did.

57:23 Adam Rebecca?

57:24 Caller Yes?

57:26 Caller My clock is gonging right now.

57:27 Adam You're 19. Wow.

57:29 Drew She lives in St. Mark's Square.

57:32 Caller How are you guys? I love you guys. I'll see you all the time.

57:36 Adam Say hi to the hunchback for us too, by the way.

57:40 Caller My question is, how do you spice up a lesbian relationship?

57:44 Vibrator.

57:45 Caller Vibrator?

57:46 Adam Double-ended, with that handle in the middle, like the police macan.

57:50 Caller I tried that.

57:51 Adam You did?

57:51 Caller Yeah.

57:52 Caprice Bourret Oh, how about these balls that they're putting inside? Have you guys heard of this?

57:56 Caprice Bourret Any anal beads or whatever?

57:57 Adam Honey, we've heard of everything.

57:58 Caprice Bourret Oh, right.

58:00 Adam The Benoit Balls, right?

58:00 Caprice Bourret Never mind, never mind.

58:02 Adam Oh, you're so young, so naive. They've been using them in China for over 4,000 years.

58:09 Caprice Bourret So naive, so naive.

58:10 Adam Well, they're new here. They're new here, stateside.

58:12 Caprice Bourret Why don't you guys get another girl, then?

58:15 Caller Oh, you mean like a threesome?

58:16 Caprice Bourret Yeah, why don't you do that?

58:18 Caller We're really monogamous.

58:19 Drew That's a group of relationships.

58:20 Caller My girlfriend's like a dyke, you know? She looks like Katie Lang and I'm her little femme. And I just don't think another girl would do it.

58:27 Adam So she's the guy, right?

58:29 Drew Yeah.

58:29 Caller Well, she's not a guy because we're lesbians, but she kind of plays the domo.

58:33 Drew Adam, you got that?

58:34 Adam I'm going to grab a pen and pencil here. Get this straight. Lesbian, no penis?

58:41 Caller Yeah.

58:41 Adam No penis. So she plays the role of the guy, but she's not actually a guy.

58:47 Caller She's not a guy, but she's not a domo.

58:49 Adam Hold on.

58:50 Caller No, not a guy.

58:53 Adam And like when someone says, stop playing God, would you assume that he's actually playing a deity or he's just some surgeon whose ego is spun out of control?

59:04 Caller A surgeon.

59:05 Adam All righty. So when I say she's playing the guy.

59:08 Drew What does this proverb mean? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. What does that mean?

59:15 Adam Just for fun.

59:16 Caller What is it again?

59:17 Drew People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

59:20 Caller I don't know.

59:21 Drew What do you think that means?

59:22 Adam What's the message?

59:23 Caller Well, I'm in a solarium right now.

59:29 Adam Oh, baby. It's too bad you're a lesbian. You make a great heterosexual woman.

59:33 Caller Oh, yeah, I would.

59:34 Adam You really would.

59:35 Caller Well, maybe you can turn me straight, Drew and Adam.

59:38 Adam Well, I'd like to turn you straight. Yeah. Drew's wife would turn his scrotum straight with the top of her foot. They're in step if he did that.

59:47 Drew Well, she should.

59:48 Caller Where do you live, Adam?

59:50 Adam We do the show at Idaho.

59:52 Caller Oh.

59:54 Caller You idiot.

59:56 Adam I live in Hollywood.

59:57 Drew Oh, yeah? Did you see that?

59:59 Caller Yes.

1:00:00 Adam You're surprised.

1:00:02 Drew That, ladies and gentlemen, was concrete thinking. It's a great example of that.

1:00:05 Caller Yeah.

1:00:05 Adam We're up in Boise.

1:00:07 Drew How about, Rebecca, another problem. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. What does that mean?

1:00:16 Caller You can, like, push him to come toward you, but you can't get him to give you an orgasm.

1:00:22 Caller Right.

1:00:23 Adam You're talking about the horse?

1:00:26 Drew Wow.

1:00:27 Adam All right, Rebecca. Where were these chicks when I was in junior college? I could have gotten laid constantly. Hi, Rebecca. So you tried the double-ended dildo?

1:00:36 Caller Yeah, I tried.

1:00:37 Adam With the handle in the middle?

1:00:39 Caller Huh?

1:00:40 Adam What do you guys do? You butt up against each other?

1:00:44 Caller Yeah. Well, she sometimes uses a strap on.

1:00:49 Adam Yeah. That's kind of sexy.

1:00:50 Caprice Bourret How about pornos?

1:00:52 Adam How about some porno?

1:00:54 Caller Well, we watch pornos.

1:00:55 Caprice Bourret Yeah.

1:00:55 Caller It's just, I don't know, we've been together for three years.

1:00:58 Caprice Bourret All right.

1:00:58 Adam Well, it sounds like Sal is getting bored.

1:01:00 Drew How about intimacy? How about having a relationship where you actually...

1:01:03 Caller Oh, we love each other very much.

1:01:05 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:01:06 Drew Hey, hey.

1:01:06 I've never cheated on her or anything.

1:01:08 Adam Rebecca? Is the dog straight?

1:01:12 What?

1:01:12 Adam I got a question for you. You've been with her since you were 16.

1:01:16 Yeah?

1:01:16 Adam You play the feminine one. She plays the role of the male, of the male. She has no penis. We have established that. Uh, you guys are using all sorts of props on each other. What's up with you? Little something up?

1:01:30 Caller What do you mean?

1:01:31 Adam Daddy. Where's daddy? What went on?

1:01:33 Caller My father passed away last year.

1:01:35 Adam Yeah. What did he do before he left us?

1:01:38 Drew That kind of concrete thinking is...

1:01:39 Caller I've never been molested or anything. Really? That's insinuating.

1:01:42 Drew You ever, you ever, you do drugs at all?

1:01:45 Caller No, I've never done drugs.

1:01:46 Drew Ever hear voices that aren't there?

1:01:48 Caller I never hear voices.

1:01:49 Adam Never land on your head?

1:01:51 Caller No.

1:01:52 Adam Yeah, I guess you wouldn't remember. Don't abuse anyone, beat you or rape you or anything?

1:01:57 Caller I've never been raped or beat. I've had a pretty good childhood.

1:02:00 Caller Really? Really?

1:02:04 Adam What's that?

1:02:05 Caller It's my stupid cat, Siamese. I have like a herd of animals.

1:02:09 Drew That was a real cat. It's a cartoon cat.

1:02:13 Adam Siamese cats are really the worst cats ever. I don't know who, I don't know how low your self-esteem has to be to get a Siamese cat, but it's got to be mighty, mighty low.

1:02:22 Drew But, you know, Rebecca seems like a reasonable person on the surface, and you scratch underneath, and that concrete thinking just, ooh, there it is.

1:02:30 Adam Well, if you live in a greenhouse, you shouldn't throw rocks.

1:02:33 Drew Oh, I'm in a solarium right now. Wow.

1:02:35 Adam Why is she in a solarium right now?

1:02:38 Drew It's the only concrete connection she could make with that proverb.

1:02:41 Adam I know, but what the hell was she doing in one? Stephanie?

1:02:45 Caller Yes.

1:02:45 You're 21?

1:02:46 Drew That's concrete thinking too, Adam.

1:02:48 Caller Thank you for taking my call, you guys.

1:02:49 What?

1:02:49 Adam My concrete? Why? It seems like a bit of a coincidence, doesn't it? Yeah. Stephanie? Yes. All right. What's up?

1:02:59 Caller Okay. I'm engaged and my boyfriend, when he was probably sixth grade, he had his testicle twisted. I don't know what the actual scientific name of it is, but I'm sure it's true.

1:03:13 Drew Torsion. Did he lose the testicle?

1:03:15 Caller No. He, I mean, experienced a lot of pain, but the doctor had fixed it to where he didn't have to lose his testicle.

1:03:22 Drew Okay. So they repaired it in time. What's the question?

1:03:26 Caller Well, starting a family is important to us.

1:03:29 Drew Even if he had lost the testicle, it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference.

1:03:32 Caller Really?

1:03:33 Drew But he didn't, and I'm sure it's functioning normally, and you can forget it. It's a common problem.

1:03:37 Caller Okay. So it's not anything that we're going to have to worry about when the time comes.

1:03:42 Drew How would you have translated what I just said? Just curious. Adam.

1:03:46 Adam I would translate it into, no, do not worry about it, based on the information that Drew just dispensed to you.

1:03:53 Drew Based on the fact that I said, you have nothing to worry about.

1:03:55 Caprice Bourret Okay.

1:03:56 Drew Okay?

1:03:57 Caprice Bourret Thank you.

1:03:57 Adam All right. All right. Well, people, I mean, it's a sensitive subject. People are, they're frightened.

1:04:07 Caprice Bourret But don't you think the doctor would have told him that there's nothing to do?

1:04:12 Drew I'm sure they did.

1:04:13 Adam Yeah, they did. People don't hear real good. Brian, I've learned that from this show. Brian, you're 29.

1:04:19 Caller Yeah.

1:04:19 Adam What's up?

1:04:20 Caller My question is for Dr. Drew. Yeah. All the way through high school, never did drugs, started using pot at 19. I quit using about two years ago and I started medication. Anyways, now that I've been on medication for about two years, my friends say I act more loaded than I ever did when I smoked pot. And I was just wondering, you know, what's up with that? Because usually my friends are pretty good mirrors for me.

1:04:50 Drew What medicine are you taking?

1:04:52 Caller I'm taking Valium, 20 milligrams a day. I'm taking 300 milligrams a day of Aloeville. And I'm taking Neurontin.

1:05:00 Adam Caprice is a model in Europe for many years. And her jaw is hanging open. So you know that's a lot of meds.

1:05:06 Caprice Bourret I cannot believe a doctor gave you all. What is wrong with him?

1:05:09 Drew That's a lot of...

1:05:10 Caprice Bourret Just for taking...

1:05:12 Adam Watch the S word there, Caprice.

1:05:14 Drew He's manic depressive.

1:05:15 Caller Well, yeah, that's the thing. All through high school, I never did drugs because I was like naturally bouncing off the walls.

1:05:24 Drew You're manic, hypomanic.

1:05:26 Caller What?

1:05:26 Drew You're being treated for manic depression, right?

1:05:28 Caller Yeah, that's what I... They're treating me for manic depression, but, you know, I bounced off the walls through high school and I was just wondering if maybe they're giving me the wrong medicine or something?

1:05:37 Drew Well, here's the deal. You're on three very sedating medicines and so it's no wonder that your friends would perceive you as sedated. My concern is that you are a marijuana addict, which means you're an addict more globally and to put an addict on benzodiazepine, which is what valium is, is a treacherous, treacherous sort of path to be on.

1:05:56 Adam Caprice has feelings about this.

1:05:57 Drew You need to be sure to talk to your doctor about the fact that there has been addiction in your history and that you need to get that treated. Without that being treated, you will always gravitate back towards something that triggers that reward system in the way your brain requires you to do after it.

1:06:12 Caprice Bourret You know, I know that we talked about this earlier, but isn't there, we'll just go through this again, more of a natural kind of thing that I can't, this doctor should be shot, is that normal for somebody to...

1:06:23 Drew Depends, we don't know how many times he's been hospitalized and what the consequences have been, I mean, bipolar mania can be...

1:06:30 Caprice Bourret But long term, is this detrimental? I mean, other than addictive?

1:06:34 Drew No, no, not the three is on.

1:06:37 Adam And guys like this, like these don't make it into their 50s and 80s anyway if they're going nuts, I mean, you know what I mean? Well, maybe they're trying to salvage something here.

1:06:47 Drew Oh no, he's got, there's a life-threatening problem potentially with him, but again, it's, it's, it's...

1:06:52 Caprice Bourret He should get into therapy then, some kind of therapy.

1:06:55 Drew Absolutely, and he should be getting maybe another opinion to maybe somebody that deals more with addictions and things.

1:07:00 Adam Speaking of drugs, you know what I did today, Drew?

1:07:03 Drew Uh, no.

1:07:04 Adam Hung out at Snoop Dogg's house and smoked weed.

1:07:08 Drew Did you really?

1:07:08 Adam Yes.

1:07:09 Drew I'm so proud of you.

1:07:10 That's my main man name.

1:07:12 Drew Did you build a cabinet for him or anything?

1:07:14 Adam No, we shot a man show piece over at the Dog Pound. Over there. And at a certain point in the piece it just became important for us to be stoned during the eating sequence, actually. And we just said screw it. Let's go. Snoop was smoking joints all day, so what the hell? And then it got very surreal at a certain point.

1:07:36 Drew At a certain point? Yeah, I mean, it sounds surreal already.

1:07:39 Adam Well, in one lifetime, at 3.30 in the afternoon, on a Monday, with the rain pouring down, and you're sitting next to Snoop on a sofa watching BET, watching one of his videos, and sort of bopping your head up and down while you're baked off your ass. I was like looking around and I thought, wow, this is weird. What happened in my life? I'm taking a strange turn.

1:07:59 Drew Have any more, like, Lee Press on Nail Insight, anything like that happen?

1:08:02 Adam No, I didn't have one of my bizarre mushroom experiences over at Snoop's house, thank God. I did a spoon ready whip right out of the container into my mouth, ate a bunch of Kentucky Fried Chicken and brand muffins and things like that, and basically wandered around his house. He is a semi-large posse roaming through the house at all times. It was just a very bizarre and surreal day. That's just something. If I would have woken up there from the days of swinging a hammer, my head would have exploded. I would have no idea what I was doing there and why I was there and what it was for. But a very nice guy, and as you know, was on the show two or three weeks ago, and I sort of hit him up to do something with him for the man show. He was very accommodating, and we went out to his place and had a good time today.

1:08:51 Caprice Bourret Scooby horny.

1:08:54 Adam Was that Scooby? All right. Caprice is our guest tonight. We'll go smoke pot somewhere else later on this evening. What a roll that would be on. What a day. Yeah, go smoke pot with Snoop Dogg during the day, and then by night, I'm out with Caprice smoking more marijuana.

1:09:13 What do you say?

1:09:14 Caller Yeah.

1:09:16 Adam Yeah, there's a van that's up on blocks over in my brother's driveway. It's out in Pacora. We can go do it in there. No one will bother us.

1:09:24 Caprice Bourret You have one hell of imagination.

1:09:27 Adam He's got a confederate flag hanging like for a curtain. Yeah, baby.

1:09:32 Caller All right.

1:09:33 Adam Caprice is warming up to me because I got the dark hair. Right? I got those features that you look for in a man, right?

1:09:39 Caller Ish.

1:09:45 Adam All right. Caprice is our guest tonight. But it's really, I think the thing you're most attracted to me by is the fact that I like to help the kids, right?

1:09:53 Caprice Bourret Oh, absolutely. And your great sense of humor.

1:09:56 There you go.

1:09:57 Drew She noticed.

1:09:57 Adam I knew it would pay off one day. All right. Jonathan is on the line. He's 16. He took acid, and now he hears voices telling him to cut off his testicles. We will talk to Jonathan after this.

1:10:14 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:10:44 Adam It's Loveline. We are back in business. I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew Caprice. Hello. Model, actress, recording star, and cover of Playboy. This month, which is actually next month, but it's out this month, the March issue. It's a yellow, she's blonde, tan. It's really, it's everything you could look for. I could masturbate to the cover. I really could. Yeah, it's really the supreme compliment. The cover's good enough. Look at that. That's all I'd need.

1:11:14 Drew For what?

1:11:15 Adam You know what I'm saying.

1:11:16 Caprice Bourret Masturbation.

1:11:17 Adam That's right. You're eating your popcorn in the microphone.

1:11:21 Drew I thought you always had to have moving pictures.

1:11:23 Adam All right, let's be quiet and see.

1:11:27 Caller Go ahead. What?

1:11:32 Caprice Bourret You see?

1:11:35 Adam We had a deal, betrayed again by a woman. Jonathan.

1:11:39 Caller Yeah.

1:11:40 Adam Uh-oh.

1:11:41 Oh.

1:11:41 Adam You're 16?

1:11:42 Caller Yeah.

1:11:42 Adam You took acid. You hear voices telling you to cut your scrotum off?

1:11:46 Caller No, they're not voices. Like, I was, like, laying in my bed, and I was like, I had, like, a vision.

1:11:55 Caprice Bourret Are you on it right now?

1:11:57 Caller No.

1:11:57 Drew How long ago was this you took it?

1:11:59 Caller Saturday night, or maybe Sunday morning. Okay.

1:12:01 Drew You need to get some care, Jonathan, before you hurt yourself. People will do impulsive things on that.

1:12:07 Caller I'm laying down.

1:12:09 Drew That's good, but I really strongly urge you to get some help.

1:12:13 Adam What kind of help?

1:12:15 Drew I think going to an emergency room will be the way to start. Because of these...

1:12:18 Caller No, because then my mom will get pissed at me.

1:12:20 Adam Hey, Jonathan.

1:12:21 Caller Hey.

1:12:23 Adam You've had these impulses or these thoughts for a couple of days now. You haven't done anything about it.

1:12:28 Caller No.

1:12:29 Adam Maybe that's a good sign, right? And are they, have they diminished over the last couple of days?

1:12:35 Caller Yeah.

1:12:35 Adam They have.

1:12:36 Caller Right now, my heart is beating like a mofo, and I can feel everything around me, like the air, like my toes, like feel like I have nerves in them. I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like...

1:12:48 Adam I know what you're saying.

1:12:49 Caller Huh?

1:12:49 Adam Yeah.

1:12:50 Drew Did you take anything besides LSD?

1:12:52 Caller Huh?

1:12:52 Drew Did you take anything besides acid?

1:12:54 Caller No. I don't know. I just, like, this dude just gave it to me in a cookie.

1:12:58 Drew Wow. That is...

1:13:00 Adam All right. So if his heartbeat is accelerated and he's feeling all these sensations...

1:13:06 Caprice Bourret And this was Saturday? No. He did it. He just did it, didn't he?

1:13:09 Drew No. You get these... A, he probably had a big, big dose. And B, you get these post-hallucinogenic perceptual disturbances that can go on for weeks or even months sometimes.

1:13:18 Caprice Bourret But do you think if you went to his mother and he was just honest with her... I mean, if I was a mother, I'd want my kid just to be honest with me. Get him to the hospital now.

1:13:26 Drew That's what needs to happen.

1:13:27 Adam Well, listen, here's what you say to your mom. You say to your mom, you went to a party, someone handed you a brownie or a cookie, you ate it, and all of a sudden you're freaking out. You don't know what the hell was in it.

1:13:36 Caprice Bourret Well done. Yeah.

1:13:38 Drew Yeah. He's got to do that. Jonathan, you've got to do that.

1:13:40 Caprice Bourret That's a great idea. Yeah.

1:13:42 Adam Well, it's nice to be acknowledged once in a while. Thank you, Caprice.

1:13:45 Caprice Bourret You're welcome.

1:13:45 Adam Drew rarely does that anymore. We're way past the honeymoon on this show. Sam?

1:13:50 Yes. Good evening.

1:13:51 Adam You're 22. What's up?

1:13:53 Caller I have a slight problem. I dip tobacco, filp nading specifically. I've been dipping since I was about 14, and I'm 22 now and I-

1:14:03 Drew Shoot, tobacco, smokeless tobacco.

1:14:05 Caller Smokeless tobacco.

1:14:06 Adam Chicks dig that. I love to see that stuff stuck to your teeth and that cup you carry around filled with your own spit.

1:14:15 Caller Is it turning you on?

1:14:18 Caprice Bourret It's disgusting. Wait, so what's your question? You want to stop doing it?

1:14:21 Caller No, well yeah, I want to eventually stop. I've only tried twice before with unsuccessful results.

1:14:27 Drew It's actually smokeless tobacco is harder to stop than smoke tobacco. It's very difficult.

1:14:33 Adam It's ironic too that, you know, when you try to quit tobacco, smoking tobacco, they give you gum to sort of chew on. When you try to do the chewing stuff, they actually give you a stick to smoke. It's interesting how it works the opposite that way. Isn't it, Drew?

1:14:48 Drew Interesting.

1:14:49 Caller Yeah.

1:14:50 Drew So, Sam, what's the question?

1:14:51 Caller Well, the problem is between the skin that attaches my tongue to the bottom of my mouth, there seems to be two lumps on the bottom end.

1:14:59 Drew On either side?

1:15:00 Adam Is that your frenulum, Drew?

1:15:02 Drew Yeah. On either side of it?

1:15:03 Caller Yeah, on both sides.

1:15:04 Drew Those are your sublingual glands.

1:15:06 Caller Okay. Now, those recently in the past six months have felt that they have swollen?

1:15:11 Drew Yeah. They're putting out overtime to try to keep up with all that juice you're having them create.

1:15:16 Adam So, they're like creating too much saliva. They're working too hard. All right. So, what's it got to do?

1:15:22 Drew It's got to stop smoking, stop chewing tobacco. You will get cancer of your mouth or throat or lip eventually.

1:15:28 Adam Yeah, that gets real sad.

1:15:29 Caprice Bourret How about the patches? Could you do the patches?

1:15:31 Drew Absolutely. Patches, Zyban, Wolbutrin, these things will substantially reduce the drive to use things like smoked or smokeless tobacco.

1:15:38 Caller Okay.

1:15:42 Adam Caprice promised she wouldn't eat that. She wouldn't dip in front of the mic. Kristen?

1:15:49 Caller Yeah.

1:15:50 Adam You're 26?

1:15:51 Caller Yeah. What's up?

1:15:53 About a year and a half ago, I kicked a drug habit and I started self-mutilating instead.

1:16:01 Adam Very healthy. Nothing wrong with that. Continue.

1:16:04 Oh, yeah. Well, I quit that. I went through like a year of really intense therapy and now I'm back in the workforce and everything and I have these really noticeable scars up and down my wrist. And I mean, I'm wearing long sleeves every day and that's cool for now, but I mean, it's going to be summertime soon and it's just going to be kind of funky. And I want to know, like, I mean, how do I explain these scars to people? Because it just literally looks like, you know, I've tried to kill myself.

1:16:43 Adam Yeah. Tell them you got one of those Indian fights. They used to see them on Bonanza where they lash your hand to the hand of your opponent and they give you a knife to hold in your opposite hand. And then that music starts, ba-da, ba-da-ba, ba-da-ba. You know, you guys kind of go in a circle for a while. Don't you? That sounds pretty reasonable, right?

1:17:02 Oh, yeah.

1:17:02 Caller Totally.

1:17:04 Adam Listen, here's the deal. People aren't going to confront you on it. They're just going to notice it and assume you have a little bit of a cast.

1:17:10 Caller I had one guy on the bus grab my hand and started, he started doing this Spanish prayer to me.

1:17:17 Adam Yeah. Don't ride the bus. That's basically what that says to me. You know, try to stay away from public transportation.

1:17:29 Caprice Bourret Why can't you wear one of these really thick bracelets? Well, I have that, but I mean, it's all up and down your arm.

1:17:36 Caller It's a bonded gear, you know. It just.

1:17:39 Adam Hey, Kristen, people will notice, most people, except for crazy Indian guys on the bus, or Spanish guys on the bus, won't say anything. I don't know how you're going to get around it. I'd try to go long sleeve as much as possible. But I don't think you're going to get confronted on it.

1:17:58 Drew No.

1:17:58 Adam I think people will assume that in the past, well, they'll assume the truth, which is you went through a period in your life where you had some difficulty and that was a period in your life that you're past now. They will ultimately judge you by how you portray yourself in front of them here and now.

1:18:15 Caprice Bourret Why can't she say she just got into a really bad car accident?

1:18:19 Adam She can, except they're probably not going to ask and then if she brings it up it's going to seem sort of suspicious and forced.

1:18:27 Caller I don't even like the idea of lying about it though. It just makes it feel shameful and I don't want it to feel like that anymore.

1:18:33 Drew Well, maybe the people you're going to have around you are going to accept you for who you are and that's part of your past.

1:18:38 Adam Yeah, just tell people you got, you know, during a phase in your life you got whacked out one night on heroin or something and scraped yourself up pretty good.

1:18:46 Drew And particularly I think people understand that there's going to be some pretty extreme behaviors as part of the addictive process and you can certainly put it in that context.

1:18:53 Adam You use the line I use, that was the old me, baby. People appreciate that.

1:18:59 Caprice Bourret I didn't think she thought that was funny.

1:19:02 Adam I don't know, I think it works. People don't use that enough anymore. And what about, I was talking to my writers today on The Man Show, I said, listen, I want more Souffle humor. That's when the person slams the door and the Souffle drops in the oven. I want more Benedict Arnold humor. What happened to Benedict Arnold?

1:19:20 Drew He's no longer funny.

1:19:22 Adam You watch sitcoms from the 70s, every third line, Benedict Arnold. That's like when Peter rats Jan out to Alice on the Brady Bunch. She's like, My sister Benedict Arnold. Not enough Benedict Arnold humor. I'm scared the kids growing up today don't know who Benedict Arnold is anymore. Caprice, you know Benedict Arnold?

1:19:43 Caprice Bourret No.

1:19:43 Adam You poor dear, do you see what's happened?

1:19:45 Caprice Bourret No.

1:19:46 Adam You're too young.

1:19:47 Caprice Bourret No.

1:19:48 Adam You're not too young?

1:19:49 Caprice Bourret No.

1:19:50 Adam Well, how come you don't know who Benedict Arnold is?

1:19:52 Caprice Bourret No.

1:19:53 Adam See?

1:19:54 Caprice Bourret No.

1:19:54 Adam See, if this had been worked in to the sitcoms of the 80s, instead of just the 70s, then young people like Caprice would know who Benedict Arnold was.

1:20:04 Caprice Bourret No.

1:20:05 Drew Except Benedict Arnold came out of the Warner Brothers tradition, I think. Cartoons.

1:20:09 Adam Caprice, why do you keep saying no?

1:20:11 Caprice Bourret No.

1:20:12 Adam What sitcoms did you watch when you were growing up?

1:20:14 Caprice Bourret No.

1:20:14 Adam You didn't watch sitcoms? No. I'm going to go ahead and name some sitcoms from what I believe would be your sort of wheelhouse growing up, and you tell me if you ever saw them.

1:20:25 Caprice Bourret No.

1:20:26 Adam Facts Alive?

1:20:27 Caprice Bourret No.

1:20:28 Adam Oh, a little pause there. Hate Is Enough is a little early. How about Good Times? It's too early. Drew, please. She's a young lady. Growing Pains?

1:20:43 Caller Yeah.

1:20:48 Adam She had a crush on that Kirk Cameron.

1:20:51 Caller No.

1:20:53 Alan Thicke.

1:20:55 Adam No. You watch Growing Pains. The point is, is there is no Benedict Arnold humor in Growing Pains and therefore you don't know who Benedict Arnold is. And that's a shame. You know what other kind of humor I told the writers to work on? Work on some of that humor where the alcoholic hobo sees something like Samantha blinking herself into some sort of a situation and then dumps the bottle of booze out and shakes their head. I want more of that as well. Caprice, you all right?

1:21:23 Caller No.

1:21:27 Adam Let's see.

1:21:27 Caller I'm going to try a trick question here.

1:21:32 Adam I'm not going to get me. Okay. I was going to try to trick you into an oral sex question. Jason?

1:21:38 Caller Yeah.

1:21:38 Adam You're 16.

1:21:39 Caller Yeah. I live in Alaska and I ordered condoms from drdrew.com and I lost the mailbox key. I was just wondering if they had freeze.

1:21:49 Drew I would think so. It's an interesting problem. We have not sort of factored into our delivery system. Yeah. Why don't you make some referrals to friends and they'll send you extra condoms for that. And make sure you after you found the key.

1:22:04 Caller I have to pay $20 to get a new key.

1:22:07 Drew What if they'll send you if you make some referrals to friends to the site, they will give you more condoms.

1:22:12 Caller All right.

1:22:13 Drew But now they shouldn't be out in the cold like Jason.

1:22:15 Adam Can't you buy condoms there in Alaska?

1:22:18 Caller Yeah. But it's so small. Everybody knows where I am.

1:22:21 Adam Oh, I see. What are you doing over there in Alaska?

1:22:24 Caller Did you move there? I've lived here all my life.

1:22:28 Caller Wow.

1:22:28 Caprice Bourret He was born there for god sakes.

1:22:30 Adam Something healthy about that. All right, Jason.

1:22:33 Caller Thanks.

1:22:34 Caller All right.

1:22:34 Adam Bye.

1:22:43 Drew Want a break?

1:22:44 Adam Swing the air, Caprice, eat on the air, that's all. All right, we'll take a little break. Caprice is here, and we'll be back after this.

1:22:52 Drew Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:22:55 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. It's a loveline. I'm Adam, that is Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Caprice is our guest tonight. She's on the March issue of Playboy. She is not only on the cover, but she's a nude within.

1:23:40 Caprice Bourret Ooh, thanks.

1:23:41 Adam And Drew's popped up another batch of popcorn. He's feeding Caprice because no one knows radio like Drew, everybody. So let's no longer keep the charade up and just eat the goddamn popcorn right into the microphone. That's fine. I have to host the show. If you kids go ahead and car bloat over there. We'll speak to Mark, who's on line two here.

1:24:06 Caller Mark?

1:24:07 Adam You're seventeen?

1:24:08 Caller Yeah, this question is most likely for Dr. Drew. Well, me and my girlfriend, we started touching each other a while back, about two weeks ago. You know, I usually touch her first and she touches me, but about two weeks ago, she touched me first. And, you know, I have to clean up, and so usually I just come into a napkin or something, and, you know, likely some of it's going to get on my hand.

1:24:32 Adam I use one of those coffee filters, because it's already got the cup shape, you know, the cone shape to it. Very nice. The napkin lays flat. Sometimes there's difficulty. I get a nice Mr. Coffee type coffee filter. The big ones, corrugated on the side.

1:24:45 Caller Take that advice.

1:24:46 Adam Very solid.

1:24:46 Drew Flat bottom or cone?

1:24:48 Adam I go with the flat bottom because I set that down on my belly.

1:24:50 Drew I see.

1:24:51 Adam And then it's just right in.

1:24:52 Caller This guy is sick.

1:24:53 Adam Get in the basket, kiddies. That's what I yell.

1:24:56 Drew So, Martin.

1:24:57 Caller Okay.

1:24:58 Drew Question?

1:24:59 Caller As I was saying, um... So, yeah, some might have gone on my hand, but, you know, very little, if any. And then, like, I'm, it's like a, like, scrape, like, you know, I rubbed my hands or anything and then, like, and then I touched it, but then I wasn't sure.

1:25:10 Adam Well, let me do a little, uh, mark impersonation here. So, uh, you know, I, I was, I was in the belly and then I, I rolled out my hand and, and when I, when I touched her, with my hand and, uh, you know, in her, with, with the hand.

1:25:25 Caprice Bourret Oh, he was shy. He was shy.

1:25:27 Adam I know, but he's so shy. I couldn't understand a goddamn word he was saying.

1:25:31 Caller Yeah, okay. So, um, so, yeah, I touched and then, uh, and then now I'm just wondering if, um, if there's a chance that she could be pregnant or anything. If there's a chance for pregnancy.

1:25:40 Drew You touch her while you have semen on your hand.

1:25:42 Caller Yeah, and of course there's a chance that I had very little earth in me. And like, it wasn't directly after you.

1:25:48 Drew I don't understand.

1:25:49 Adam How long after you mopped up did you go in after her?

1:25:53 Caller Probably a minute.

1:25:55 Adam Okay, so it was plenty of time.

1:25:56 Caller Really?

1:25:57 Drew I don't know. I don't understand.

1:25:58 Adam Probably a minute.

1:25:59 Drew Why people can't use the morning after pill if there's any question at all.

1:26:03 Adam Oh, there's no question. Did you put your fingers in her?

1:26:06 Caller Yeah, well, no, I didn't like immediately all the way.

1:26:08 Caprice Bourret Wait, but a minute after, don't the little spermies die after life?

1:26:12 Caller Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

1:26:13 Drew Everything has to be completely dry.

1:26:14 Adam Yeah, they don't die.

1:26:15 Caller Yeah, it was completely dry.

1:26:16 Adam I can hear little screams come from my hamper, you know, well into the evening. Well, five, six in the morning after I go to bed, you know, tossing and turning. That's why before I touch a woman, I do this move, Drew. Very classy, the armpit wipe, you know what I mean?

1:26:33 Drew You make a little noise while you're in there.

1:26:34 Adam I just go, and then I go, and it comes out. It's like a surgeon clean.

1:26:39 Drew That's nice.

1:26:40 Adam Very classy.

1:26:41 Caprice Bourret That will definitely clean, that will definitely kill the sperm.

1:26:43 Drew No, Margie, I mean, I can't, we can't tell you it's impossible that you can get pregnant. Of course, it's a possibility.

1:26:49 Adam No, but she's not.

1:26:51 Drew She's probably not, but why don't people take the morning after pill if there's any question about it? Why don't they have that available?

1:26:55 Caprice Bourret Don't put your fingers inside of her after you.

1:26:58 Adam Our government makes it difficult to get something that should be easy to get.

1:27:03 Caller That's all.

1:27:05 Adam Yucenda? Yucen-a-nia? What the hell? What's your name?

1:27:10 Caller Yucenia.

1:27:11 Adam Yucenia. All right. That Spanish name?

1:27:14 Caller Yeah.

1:27:15 Adam What's that mean?

1:27:16 Caller I don't know.

1:27:18 Caller I don't know.

1:27:20 Adam Okay. That probably means flower or something. There's not many names that mean like Lazy Sack. But go ahead.

1:27:29 Caller Okay.

1:27:29 Caprice Bourret I have a question for you guys. I've been trying to get pregnant for the last year. Me and my husband have been trying to have a baby.

1:27:38 Adam You're 16?

1:27:39 Caller I'm 16 right now.

1:27:40 Adam A little late for a Mexican gal, isn't it?

1:27:42 Caprice Bourret Right.

1:27:43 Adam You're way behind. Your parents must be upset.

1:27:45 Drew How old is your husband?

1:27:46 Caprice Bourret He's 18.

1:27:49 Caller He's 18. All right.

1:27:50 Caprice Bourret And I want to know what basically is wrong with me.

1:27:53 Caller I've been trying to get pregnant for already a year.

1:27:55 Caprice Bourret We've been having sex like four or five times a day.

1:27:59 Drew Why don't you see a doctor about it and get it checked out?

1:28:02 Caprice Bourret And him as well. He should see one as well.

1:28:04 Drew Getting a sperm count, making sure you're ovulating.

1:28:06 Adam See a pediatric gynecologist and find out why you can't get pregnant.

1:28:10 Drew Just to begin with, they would do a hystereosalpingogram and light up your uterus and ovaries and the tubes to make sure they're open. There's many, many things that need to be checked out.

1:28:18 Adam Yesenia, all those parts Drew talked about, you have them. They're stuffed up in you.

1:28:24 Caller Mm-kay.

1:28:26 Adam What's your husband do for a living?

1:28:28 Caprice Bourret He manages McDonald's.

1:28:30 Adam All right.

1:28:31 Caprice Bourret So let me ask you, so what could you do if, you know, because these doctors are very expensive, could you go to a clinic or could she?

1:28:37 Adam Well, on his salary, I mean, he manages McDonald's. I mean, come on, I'm sure he can afford, he'd probably fly to Sweden and go to a specialist.

1:28:45 Drew Just a plain old gynecologist would be able to do that.

1:28:48 Adam Hold on there, screwball. Why do you want kids at 16?

1:28:52 Caprice Bourret I don't know.

1:28:53 Caller I just basically want one.

1:28:55 Caprice Bourret I think I can handle it already.

1:28:57 Adam Yeah, well, you could handle it. You could probably handle cancer, too, but why?

1:29:01 Caller Oh, no, I don't think so.

1:29:03 Adam Well, all right. Why are you out of the house so early and married so early?

1:29:06 Caprice Bourret Yeah.

1:29:07 Caprice Bourret I don't know.

1:29:08 Adam You don't know?

1:29:09 Caller No, I guess I just found it one day and there it goes.

1:29:13 Caprice Bourret Boom.

1:29:13 Caprice Bourret Well, maybe you guys should stay married for, let's say, a few years and see what happens.

1:29:18 Adam You got married at 15 or something?

1:29:20 Caprice Bourret Yeah. I got married once. Okay. I got married on December 15th. I got married in February.

1:29:27 Adam What is she saying? You got married just after your 15th birthday?

1:29:29 Caprice Bourret Right.

1:29:30 Adam And where the hell are your parents?

1:29:33 Caprice Bourret Are you living with me?

1:29:34 Drew No, there's a thing.

1:29:35 Adam You're living with them?

1:29:36 Caprice Bourret Yeah, I'm living with them.

1:29:37 Drew You need to know something, Adam. In certain Hispanic cultures, it is encouraged to get pregnant as a teenager and get married as a teenager.

1:29:44 Adam I wonder why that country is a dump. How old was your mom? You ever really think about it?

1:29:48 Caller No.

1:29:48 Adam Yeah, break that down. That's a wonderful culture there.

1:29:51 Caprice Bourret Was your mom really young when she had you?

1:29:53 Caller Yeah, she was only 16.

1:29:55 Caller Wow, old name.

1:29:57 Adam Alright, but Yessenia, where are you living now?

1:30:00 Caller I'm living in Lamont.

1:30:02 Caller Lamont?

1:30:03 Caller In Bakersfield.

1:30:04 Caller Bakersfield.

1:30:04 Adam In the United States?

1:30:06 Caller Correct.

1:30:06 Adam Good. Drop the culture. Us round eyes. You know what time we get married? 22, 23.

1:30:14 Drew That's early.

1:30:14 Adam Hold off.

1:30:15 Caprice Bourret Okay.

1:30:16 Adam Don't have any kids for a little while.

1:30:18 Caprice Bourret Definitely hold off.

1:30:19 Adam Wait till your husband...

1:30:20 Caprice Bourret Trust us. You'll thank us.

1:30:22 Adam Wait till he owns a McDonald's before you get married. You understand? You want lots of money so you can raise those kids the right way.

1:30:29 Caller Alright?

1:30:29 Caller Okay.

1:30:30 Adam Alright.

1:30:30 Caller Thank you.

1:30:31 Caller Alright.

1:30:32 Adam I hope she's sterile. I mean, she's a 15 and a half year old that's getting knocked up.

1:30:37 Caprice Bourret Unbelievable.

1:30:38 Adam And listen, you know, people don't like to... People like to talk about cultures and oh, you know, they can do whatever they want. Listen, there's certain cultural practices aren't great. Female circumcision, not a great cultural practice. Definitely not. Beating your wife, part of a culture, not a great part of a culture. Cutting a guy's hands off who gets caught stealing a loaf of bread, part of a culture, not a good part of the culture. Many cultures out there do a lot of things that we disagree with here as Americans, and I say what's wrong with voicing that. Let's face it, all you people that are over here with your god damn cultures, you know why you're here? Your culture sucks.

1:31:19 Caller That's why you're here.

1:31:21 Adam So drop it. Don't turn that place, that asshole you lived in, into some sort of utopia now that you're here. Everyone loves to do that. Oh, if only I was back in Cameroon. Well, get the hell back. Grandparents swam over here so you could have a better life and you longed to be back wherever you came from. Believe me, you're here for a reason. It wasn't because the streets were paid with gold, you had too much expendable cash and you wanted to see the world. No, you're here because your country sucks. Understand that. Don't make any bones about that. Sure, this country has things that could be worked on. There's room for improvement.

1:31:58 Caprice Bourret So what's the moral of the story?

1:31:59 Adam Your country sucks. You're in this country because this country is much better than your country.

1:32:05 Caprice Bourret So drop your... Yeah.

1:32:07 Adam Drop the culture. Stop pretending like you come from Disneyland. And by the way, let's do some simple math. If it's so great, head on back. Head on back, y'all. Get back to that utopia you crave so much.

1:32:21 Caller Please.

1:32:23 Adam People parading up and down the streets wanting a day for your culture. You want your culture? I'll give you your culture 365 days a year. Go back!

1:32:30 Caprice Bourret Yeah!

1:32:31 Adam Sons of bitches. Stinking up this country. All right.

1:32:36 Drew Who are you voting for the primaries by?

1:32:37 Adam Except for the Italians. Those are good people.

1:32:39 Drew Who are you voting for the primaries?

1:32:41 Adam Huh? I'm going for McCain. I like that guy. He blew up a whole aircraft carrier himself. Sure it was one of ours, but I don't care. Spent a lot of time in the Hanoi Hilton. This guy should have been dead ten times by now. This guy's crashed like... McCain personally has been responsible for the destruction of 700 million taxpayers' dollars already. I mean, you understand?

1:33:09 Drew I'm trying to get some back from him now.

1:33:10 Adam Yes. I want him to put his time in. McCain was on an aircraft carrier where the entire aircraft carrier was on fire three decks deep for like two weeks. Ordinance blowing up. I mean, it was the most amazing story in the world. This guy is indestructible. That's why I want... He was sitting in an A-4 on the deck of a carrier in Vietnam when another plane's rocket went off and hit his plane, hit his plane's fuel tank while he was on deck in his plane. He then jumped out of his plane and scurried away and his fuel exploded, all his ordnance exploded, all the planes next to his plane exploded, and the entire ship was on fire for a week. They had to take bulldozers and push the A-4s and planes off the carrier deck. Then after that, he was in the hospital for a little while, he got in another plane, got that one shot down, went five years in Hanoi Hilton.

1:34:09 Caprice Bourret So how is that going to help our economy?

1:34:11 Adam He owes us, and I think he knows it too. And by the way, everyone freaks out because he called the Viet Cong gooks or something and some kind of a thing. Listen, you get tortured for five years, you get to call whatever that person is their worst name. That is your prerogative. I'm not going to tell someone who was tortured by, you fill in the blank, tortured by Italian, call them wafts. Do you know what I'm saying? Mexicans go wetbacks, you can go limeys for the English or frogs for the French. You do whatever you want. If you show me documentation that one culture tortured you for five years, fine. Say what you want about them. We'll be back.

1:34:58 Caller We'll be right back with more Loveline.

1:35:32 Caller Well, there you go.

1:35:33 Adam Another fantabulous show in the can. I want to thank Caprice for coming in here and being genuinely concerned.

1:35:40 Caprice Bourret I was.

1:35:41 Caller I love it.

1:35:42 Caprice Bourret I was. He was taking the piss out of everyone. I was genuinely a bit disturbed by the whole thing.

1:35:48 Adam I took the piss out of him, Caprice, injected the piss right back into him, and that's the beauty of her.

1:35:52 Caprice Bourret Exactly.

1:35:53 Adam Watch. Oh, shut up Anderson.

1:35:55 Caller Who cares?

1:35:57 Caller You won't get fired.

1:35:58 Adam I can't say the P word. It drives me insane. All right. Anyway, Playboy, March, Get It, Caprice, thanks for coming in. When the record comes out, please come back in and feel free to plug that.

1:36:09 Caprice Bourret Great.

1:36:09 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:36:12 Caprice Bourret I like a dark guy with a very big willy.

1:36:16 Adam Well now.

Episode Feedback

Monday, February 21, 2000