Episode 1000754887245

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listen, our discretion is advised.

1:00 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:03 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:05 Voiceover Loveline.

1:07 Adam Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that is Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, and a money grubbing hebe. All right. Thank God most of our listeners aren't familiar with that term. Our guest tonight is Evan Handler. Evan is from It's Like You Know, the ABC series. Jennifer Gray is on that one, and actually a real good cast.

1:38 Evan Handler Speaking of money grubbing hebes, eh? I didn't say that.

1:42 Adam You can't say that.

1:43 Evan Handler No, no, and I didn't.

1:44 Adam Jennifer has been on this show. I think she actually liked me for about 10 minutes, but then she went south on.

1:50 Drew South hand hard too.

1:52 All the way.

1:52 Evan Handler How long did you like her for?

1:55 Adam I like the 10 minutes just after she stopped liking me. So we had about a 20 minute affair. She took the first 10, I took the second 10.

2:04 Right.

2:04 Evan Handler I've had relationships like that.

2:05 Drew It's another one of those case in points where the woman can be like attractive and say the wrong thing and then it's just a complete negative.

2:11 Adam She didn't like the fact that I talc my groin before I left the house. I told her it was a service that I was providing for the community. She didn't see it that way. And she went south on me.

2:22 Evan Handler What an unusual reaction.

2:23 Adam Yeah.

2:25 Drew Imagine that?

2:25 Adam Yeah. Most chicks are flattered when I tell them to do an extra talc on for them. You know, in between showers. Sure. Evan is, It's Like You Know. Now, you help me out with this show.

2:37 Evan Handler I'll help you as best I can.

2:39 Adam It came out last year. Right. And it was, there was some buzz about it. And it's a good show. I've watched this show. It breaks the sort of, formatically breaks the sitcom format. And I like that. And it's smart and it's well written. And it was around for a little bit. Then it went away for a little bit. Then it came back. Yeah.

3:02 Evan Handler You know, it's a little, well, everything went away because of that show, you know, who wants to do whatever with a millionaire.

3:07 Adam Oh yeah. She said, I bet everyone at ABC just wants to kill Regis.

3:12 Evan Handler No, I think they want to do everything else to Regis. They're, they're, they're deeply grateful to Regis at the moment.

3:17 Adam Well, I think the executives probably are, but the talent. Oh, everyone else as well.

3:22 Evan Handler Yeah. And everyone in every other network too.

3:24 Adam Right. Right.

3:25 Evan Handler Well, you know, I don't know that the programmers have the deepest imaginations.

3:29 Adam No, whatever's working is whatever's hot and whatever's going on.

3:32 Evan Handler Tonight's lineup was Spin City, Dharma and Greg, Dharma and Greg again, then Spin City again. So it's sweeps month. You know, they go with whatever's working the best. Right. So we're coming back in December, Wednesday nights at 830.

3:45 Adam Yeah. You know, and that would be, yeah, ABC, 830. You know what I like? I hear a lot in the TV world now with the all new episode. And they go, you know, coming up this week on an all new episode of Third Rock. And I think to myself, just go with the new episode. They're all not necessary because I haven't seen many episodes that were sort of partially new.

4:09 Evan Handler Yeah, they're mostly new episodes.

4:11 Adam We took an old episode, we put a few jokes into it and we rehashed it. Now we're presenting it again. You know, I don't need the all new part. But anyway, it's like, you know, we met or I shouldn't say we, I think I met over at the Late Late Show, one of the actors on the show. I can't think of his name. Yeah. Yeah. A very nice guy.

4:34 Evan Handler Yes. He's a good guy.

4:35 Adam And enjoys the Loveline or so he says.

4:38 Evan Handler So we all, we all enjoy the Loveline Adam.

4:41 Adam Really?

4:41 Evan Handler Oh, yeah.

4:41 Adam Even Jennifer?

4:42 Evan Handler I don't know about Jennifer. We don't speak.

4:45 Adam After our past.

4:46 Now, You're my stern but groovy master, Adam.

4:49 Adam That's her. Now, for those of you who don't know, Evan plays the bald, sort of eccentric, rich, I guess, Angelino, native Angelino.

5:02 Evan Handler Yes.

5:03 Adam Who the existential multimillionaire sort of hangs out in his Hollywood Hills home and comments on what's going on around him. But I don't know anything more than that about your character. Where did he, where did he make his money? How come he doesn't leave the house?

5:19 Evan Handler It's old money, comes from the family, he's never worked a day in his life. I don't think it's really accurate he never leaves his house. He's just, you know, he's never participated in society. Never had to. Doesn't have to follow any of the rules everybody else follows, you know, to make a buck, basically.

5:34 Adam That's what I'm...

5:35 Evan Handler He's sort of a Chauncey Gardner type, if you like the movie Being There.

5:38 Adam Yes.

5:39 Drew Stating us all, but yes.

5:41 Evan Handler I'd date myself even worse. I'd call him a postmodern Edith Bunker.

5:46 Adam And the thing that's interesting about Evan, that Drew is going to be excited about, is he had two bouts of acute leukemia.

5:53 Evan Handler That gets Drew excited?

5:55 Adam Yeah, he likes it when people get sick.

5:57 Evan Handler Yeah, AML.

5:58 Drew Wow.

5:59 Adam And they didn't give you much chance.

6:01 Drew Did you have a bone marrow transplant?

6:02 Evan Handler I had an autologous bone marrow transplant in 88.

6:04 Drew Fantastic.

6:05 Adam What's autologous?

6:07 Evan Handler That means they actually sucked bone marrow out of my body. They treated it.

6:10 Adam They call it purged.

6:12 Purged it.

6:13 Evan Handler Then they give you super lethal doses of chemotherapy. Basically, they poison you to death. Then they give the bone marrow back. They call it a rescue dose. The euphemisms are just incredible. So yeah, using your own bone marrow instead of a donor's bone marrow.

6:25 Adam Right. So take your bone marrow out, treat it, kill the cancer, and then put the bone marrow back in.

6:32 Drew Yeah, kill it in the bone marrow and kill everything in the human.

6:36 Evan Handler They treat it to dinner.

6:37 Drew Put it back.

6:37 Adam And what does, is the bone marrow responsible for the immune system? Or is it very connected to it?

6:44 Drew It's where the white cells are produced and they're responsible for the immune system.

6:47 Adam And how, the thing that was always interesting to me about the bone marrow transplant is I thought they had to go to each and every individual bone, just like I used to suck on chicken bones when I was a kid.

6:56 Evan Handler Like with a big lobster cracker, right? A big lobster cracker.

6:58 Adam Yeah, along as heroin syringe, suck the marrow out and put it back in, but the marrow finds its way to the bone, does it not? When they put it in you?

7:07 Drew Yeah, and not only that, transplant is sort of a misnomer. Even when it comes to kidneys and hearts and things, they just sort of plant, you know? They transit from somebody else and don't take yours out. They just plant one in you.

7:17 Adam Oh, they don't take yours out?

7:18 Drew No.

7:19 Evan Handler No, wait a minute. If they transplant your liver, they take your liver out?

7:21 Drew Liver, they take out, I believe, but heart sometimes they don't take out. Really? Yeah.

7:27 Adam Really?

7:28 Evan Handler Does this guy know what he's talking about?

7:29 Adam I don't think so.

7:30 Drew Kidney, they never take out.

7:31 Adam And they just sort of...

7:32 Drew All of the kidneys are put right here. This is where the kidney transplants are.

7:34 Evan Handler You wouldn't believe where he's pointing.

7:36 Adam Why wouldn't they take out your old kidneys?

7:38 Drew Why would they? They're not working.

7:40 Evan Handler To make room for the new one.

7:42 Drew Yeah. You don't need to.

7:43 Evan Handler We just carry around extra baggage?

7:44 Adam I can only...

7:44 Drew You just put a little pouch here, you re-hook everything up to it.

7:47 Evan Handler If they give you a new eye, do they like put it in the middle of your forehead?

7:49 Drew You can't do that yet.

7:50 Adam Yeah. Then you have to wear a leather D and fight a cyclops. That is bizarre to me. I mean, I just equate everything to sort of like, you know, stereo equipment. You get a new stereo, you pull the old stereo out, you put it in the garage.

8:04 Evan Handler I'm with you.

8:05 Adam All right. So, but when they do bone marrow transplants, don't they just inject the bone marrow into the bloodstream?

8:13 Drew Yes, exactly. And it goes to the right place.

8:15 Adam It goes right and it makes its way inside of the bone?

8:18 Evan Handler I'm so not used to sharing my space with a doctor when we talk about bone marrow transplants. Usually I'm like on the radio railing against the doctors.

8:25 Drew Why?

8:26 Evan Handler Because my whole book is about how badly I was treated.

8:29 Drew As a human, even though...

8:30 Evan Handler No, as a human and as a patient.

8:32 Drew But you're lying.

8:33 Evan Handler No, I mean like... No, no, no, no, no.

8:35 Drew Leukemia was well treated.

8:36 Evan Handler No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean some places, but some places are just awful. Awful treatment. Some places like Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. I mean literally, you know, like unbelievable malpractice episodes.

8:49 Adam Yeah. But they did or you did with our help beat the leukemia, right?

8:55 Evan Handler Yeah. And you know, getting yourself to another state, to another center and basically taking your care away from a doctor who was just a monster and having other doctors tell you you're endangering your care by switching. I mean just the whole gamut of every possible.

9:09 Drew Where did you get the good care finally?

9:10 Evan Handler Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. Great bone marrow transplant unit. Yeah.

9:14 Drew So they weren't doing bone marrow transplants at that point?

9:17 Evan Handler They were and they came to my room like salesmen because they were going to do their first two patients with AML. We offer our transplants, Evan, with radiation like opening their sales case there.

9:31 Adam Oh my God. It's been 10, 11 years?

9:34 Evan Handler Since the bone marrow transplant, yeah.

9:36 Adam Everything's good?

9:37 Evan Handler Yeah. Considered to be long cured. You know, the occurrences of that happen very quickly.

9:43 Adam Do you still go in for semi-annual checkups or something to see how it's doing or are you dying?

9:49 Evan Handler I go for annual checkups for the leukemia and every time I get a cold or stub my toe, I go in to make sure I'm not dying of something else.

9:56 Adam Very good.

9:58 Evan Handler I'm physically cured in this. The psychological effects are long lasting.

10:01 Adam Anyone who's had leukemia and a few bone marrow transplants, I'll let them go in when they stub their toe. The rest of you stay home. Gloria?

10:11 Hello?

10:11 Adam You're 28, right?

10:13 Caller Yes.

10:14 Adam What's up?

10:15 Caller I'm having problems with my relationship.

10:18 Adam All right. What do you want?

10:20 Caller I would like to know if I should leave him.

10:23 Caller Yes.

10:25 Caller My husband of seven years had been molested, raped by four men when he was in Boy Scouts.

10:34 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. And how's that manifesting itself now?

10:41 Caller I had noticed some bleeding, anal bleeding on his underwear. I'm worried that he may be homosexual. I'm worried about my child around him.

10:54 Adam All right. Why are you worried that he's homosexual? Because of the blood spots in his underwear?

10:59 Drew Yes. Nothing particularly relieving about that. But listen, why now? You've known about his history for a long time. It's the same guy you've known for seven years. Why are you worried all of a sudden?

11:11 Caller He has been making pornographic screensavers on the computer obsessed with anal sex.

11:21 Drew With women?

11:23 Caller Mostly, yes, women and anal sex.

11:26 Drew Women?

11:27 Caller Yes.

11:27 Caller All right. Okay.

11:29 Adam So you're working the homosexual angle there, Gloria. That's why we made the stipulation between the men and the women, you see? Right.

11:37 Caller All right.

11:37 Adam And you're kind of uptight or out of it or what's your problem?

11:42 Caller The...

11:43 Adam Or angry... .angle bleeds. Is that what it is, Gloria? I'm trying to get a bead on you. I can't figure out if you're dumb or mad or uptight or... I think you're kind of pissed off. Are you angry? Yes. Yes. Okay. Well, don't be angry with us, please. Let's have a civil dialogue here. What else is he doing?

12:02 Caller Abusive, raping me.

12:04 Adam Oh, all right. Well, now that's something.

12:06 Drew You could have brought that up up front.

12:07 Adam Yes.

12:08 Drew That's reason enough to leave the guy, right? And certainly to try to get some help, maybe domestic violence assistance or just get a therapist of your own and really start to get to work on this.

12:17 Adam How many kids do you have?

12:19 Caller One child.

12:20 Adam And what's up with you that you're with this guy? I mean, is there anything in your past that would be familiar to this sort of situation?

12:30 Caller I always believed that he was justifying me. Justifying me.

12:35 Drew Now, what happened to you? What happened to you growing up to lead you to want to be in that kind of relationship? Were you physically abused? Emotionally abused?

12:42 Caller No, never was.

12:44 Adam No, so everything...

12:47 Drew What did you say?

12:48 Caller Never.

12:49 Adam Everything was good with you?

12:50 Caller Yes.

12:51 Adam And now this guy is raping you and you're staying with him?

12:56 Caller Yes.

12:57 Caller So that doesn't fit.

12:58 Adam How many times has he raped you?

13:03 Caller Um, for seven years.

13:05 Drew Are you on medication, Gloria?

13:07 No.

13:08 Drew Do you do drugs?

13:09 Adam No. Why is it, Gloria, we do the show every night, although we only pay attention about three nights out of the week, but it still adds up to be a lot of shows. And we know that nobody gets in a relationship and gets raped for seven years who comes from Perfection. Something healthy. So can you tell us something about your past? Your father, what kind of guy was he?

13:34 Caller My father never touched me.

13:36 Adam Yeah, what about you? Okay, I'm not going to go through the whole list. Did anybody touch you?

13:41 Caller No.

13:41 Adam Nobody. Nobody physically or sexually ever did anything to you?

13:46 Caller No.

13:47 Adam When did you lose your virginity?

13:51 Caller I really don't want to talk about that.

13:55 Adam Well, see, now we're getting somewhere. Seriously, how old were you?

14:02 Caller Okay, I was more last than when I was six.

14:04 Drew All right, all right.

14:06 Adam Gloria, let me ask you something. Who called who? Did we call you and wake you up and ask you all sorts of prying questions about molestation? Or did you call this goddamn show wanting some answers?

14:17 Caller Answers.

14:18 Adam All right, then. Please.

14:20 Caller Is it me? Am I having a problem?

14:23 Drew Well, your problem is that you're hanging in with this. You're not doing something about it.

14:26 Adam He's not a good guy. I'm sorry that he was victimized when he was young, but you were victimized as well, and now you're both sort of acting out your roles, and his roles as a victimizer and yours as a victim.

14:41 Drew You must get some help.

14:42 Adam You gotta get help. You have to get therapy for the sake of your child so that your child doesn't become a victim, and you probably have to get out of this relationship.

14:48 Drew Okay, Gloria? You need some structure in the home to protect you from the domestic violence. You gotta report this.

14:54 Adam See, this show, even though people don't look at psychology as a science, we look at it as a science. I mean, it is an exact science, and nobody stays with anybody who rapes them for seven years unless there was something before that. I'm not saying they were raped for seven years by their father, but there's something that sets them up for that, and we dragged it out of Gloria. And people say, well, why is it important that you dragged that out of Gloria, because it's important that Gloria looks at that, solves that, so she doesn't hook up with another rapist, essentially. All right. That was a happy way to start the show. I was going to take another rape call.

15:33 Evan Handler I don't recommend a bone marrow transplant, but I really don't think it would be helpful in that case.

15:37 Adam No? Kuhn Hoyt is the Jewish doctor, would you say? That's two Jew jokes in the first 15 minutes of the show. Christina?

15:45 Drew Hanukkah coming up tomorrow night?

15:46 Adam Yeah, that's why. Christina, is Hanukkah starting tomorrow night?

15:49 Drew Three days or something?

15:51 Adam They start that stuff earlier. I swear it's going to be in October in three years. Alright, please stop that mediocre crap. Christina? Chris Tape? Hanukkah is such a genius.

16:02 Drew Chris Tape?

16:03 Adam Yeah, Chris Tape.

16:04 Caller What's up?

16:06 Caller I had sex on Saturday night.

16:08 Drew Saturday night? Hold on, hold on, hold on! My God, when did you have sex?

16:15 Caller On Friday night.

16:15 Drew Friday night, okay.

16:17 Adam I thought you said Saturday.

16:18 Drew That's what I thought you said, too. Go ahead.

16:20 Caller And I was wondering about the morning after, how long you could take it after.

16:25 Drew Seventy-two hours.

16:27 Caller Seventy-two, okay.

16:28 Adam That's three days.

16:28 Drew Do the math, are we there?

16:30 Caller Yeah.

16:31 Drew Can you rush out and get it?

16:32 Caller Right now?

16:33 Drew There's a number you can call.

16:35 Caller Huh?

16:35 Drew There's a num-

16:36 Adam Alright, hold on a second, Christina.

16:38 Drew Chris Tape?

16:39 Adam I mean, Chris Tape, I've said it a thousand times, you're the world's dumbest callers. I want to one day, I want to challenge other shows. Other shows think they have stupid callers. I know we have stupid callers and I would, I would put the stupidity of our callers up against any other show in America. I really would, Drew. You understand? I'd put it up against Art Bell, the guy who's on at 4 a.m. with people talking about concentric circles and flying saucers.

17:05 Evan Handler It's also like waiting till Monday night to call you guys instead of going to the bookstore on Saturday or Sunday to try to answer the same question.

17:12 Drew Okay, the number is one or the web.

17:15 Adam Drew's Web?

17:16 Drew drdrew.com. They'll give you this info right away.

17:18 Adam You think she has a computer?

17:19 Drew 1-888-NOT-NUMBER-2-LATE. 1-888-NOT-2-LATE. They can refer you to a provider nearby and get you the morning after.

17:28 Adam I still didn't know if it was Friday or Saturday. I'm going to try one more time.

17:31 Evan Handler I jot that down myself. Not too late.

17:32 Drew Important number.

17:33 Adam Krista?

17:34 Caller Huh?

17:35 Adam Which night did you have sex?

17:36 Caller Friday. Friday.

17:37 Drew You changed phones. You changed phones, didn't you?

17:39 Caller No.

17:39 Adam Okay.

17:40 Drew Why is it so much clearer?

17:41 Caller I don't know.

17:42 Adam All right. So, Krista, you had unprotected sex?

17:44 Caller Yes.

17:45 Adam Okay. Don't do that again and hurry up and get that morning after pill.

17:50 Caller If I get it, like, tomorrow morning...

17:52 Drew Too late...

17:52 Caller .I'm planning on getting it tomorrow morning.

17:54 Caller Too late.

17:55 Caller It's too late?

17:55 Drew Well, is it 72 hours?

17:57 Evan Handler 24 times 3.

17:58 Drew The window closes after 72 hours.

18:00 Caller True.

18:01 Adam When you're sleeping, does the time keep moving forward?

18:03 Drew If the time moves.

18:04 Evan Handler I'm sorry.

18:04 Adam Are you serious?

18:05 Drew Clock keeps ticking.

18:06 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ. I wonder, I'm late.

18:08 Evan Handler What a jib.

18:08 Adam I'm always like 8 hours late. Because I'll nap right before I have to pee somewhere. All right, Krista. Is this your boyfriend? No. Okay. Honey, you're going to get more pregnant again. Or something. You understand? You're 15.

18:25 Caller Well, one of my friends told me that if I had sex again, then I wouldn't get pregnant.

18:29 Adam All right, but those are your friends.

18:32 Drew That's because you're already pregnant.

18:34 Caller I don't know if I'm pregnant.

18:35 Drew Yeah, but if you have sex again when you're pregnant, you can't get pregnant twice. But if you get, every time you have sex, you can get pregnant every single time.

18:42 Evan Handler But if you get pregnant a third time, you can get pregnant a third time. Or am I wrong?

18:46 Drew Wrong.

18:47 Adam Okay, I'm sorry.

18:48 Every time.

18:49 Adam Krista?

18:50 Caller What?

18:51 Adam For you, your family, and society, Yes. please go get that morning after pill, all right?

18:58 You already said it was too late.

18:59 Drew No, tomorrow morning is too late.

19:01 Adam Go out tonight and find it.

19:03 Caller There's no chance.

19:04 Adam Why?

19:05 Caller Because I have no way to get it.

19:07 Drew Did you write the phone number down?

19:08 Yes.

19:09 Drew You're going to call that number?

19:10 Caller Huh?

19:11 Drew You're going to call that number?

19:12 Okay.

19:12 Drew And they'll tell you how to get it, okay?

19:14 Caller Okay.

19:15 Adam All right. Oh, boy. I know I go off twice a week now on this topic, but do we want the Kristas of the world having kids? Is that what we're interested in as a society? Is that what our government would like more of? More Kristas with kids? And if the answer to that is no, and I believe it's a resounding no by any sane member of this society, then why the F can't we get this drug out there, this morning after pill? Why are people fighting us on this? Why when somebody wants to put it over at the Kmart pharmacy, do they protest against it so that those pussies pull it off the shelves? What is that? What is in it for us and you as an individual if you're listening to this show? What's in it for you, Krista, having a kid? You know what I'm saying? What's in it for you?

20:14 Drew They believe it's going to give them someone who loves them, somebody meaning their life.

20:18 Adam I know what's in it for Krista, but what's in it for the a-holes that are protesting against the morning after? Are your taxes not high enough? Have you not built enough prisons yet? Do you not have a large enough police force? What about social services? Are these folks bored and looking for things to do? Or are we all overtaxed and overburdened as it is? Let's stop screw-ups from having as many screwed up kids. It's the easiest math in the world as a society. It's just the easiest thing in the world. I don't care if you're talking about overpopulation or you're talking about prison population or you're talking about unemployment or lack of opportunity, education, urban congestion. Whatever the topic is, it all can be traced down to too many people having too many kids that they shouldn't have. So let's do everything within our power to reasonably put an end to this problem. Somebody comes up at the morning after pill, someone like Christina should have this in her medicine cabinet of the trailer that she's living in, and she should have access to this. Now, you may say, well, that's just going to give her a license to have sex.

21:29 Drew No.

21:30 Adam Christina, the 15-year-old Christina's of the world are going to get nailed any goddamn way you slice it. Whether they got a condom, whether they have a RU486, where they have the morning after pill, they're getting it on, and I think I have some documentation to back me up on this. It's called society. Do you understand? She's getting laid anyway, and how can you argue with us? She's gotten laid. The reality is, she's going to get laid, and she's not going to do anything about it. This sort of argument that once you provide contraception, or a form of contraception that forces people to then have sex, is ridiculous.

22:08 Drew If you have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen, it's going to force you to use flames, flambe everything.

22:12 Caller Right, right.

22:13 Adam You're going to start cooking with a blowtorch.

22:16 Evan Handler But that is the thought, isn't it? I mean, the people, the a-holes, as you said, you know. Yes, you're welcome. You know, they think that basically if this stuff isn't available, that these people will stop having sex because they'll be so terrified of what might happen. But obviously, that's not the case.

22:31 Drew It's not so much what I run into anyway. What I run into is people who don't understand the science that's out there about how these pills work. There's about a ten year period of time when the medical community was trying to decide, do these morning after pills work by suppressing ovulation and preventing pregnancy, or by allowing a pregnancy to occur and preventing implantation. It's overwhelmingly clear that it works by preventing ovulation. But they're also, they're also, they're saying it's a form of abortion. So they would be against IUDs. They would be against, the fact is the probability of it preventing implantation is about the same as the normal birth control pill used the way it's designed to be used, preventing implantation.

23:10 Adam All right, but Drew, what you're, you're using logic and I'm saying these people are going off of emotion. And it's the same thing with something like the needle exchange program I was talking to our guests with last night, which is they're not for it, not because it won't work, because it's a subtle, subtle punishment in a sense. We're not going to condone 15 year olds having sex. We're not going to condone junkies shooting up. Therefore, we're not going to participate in it. Meanwhile, the junkie shares a needle and his buddy he shared a needle with is going to bang your daughter and you're going to get it. Or she's going to get it. All right. The sound of the cowbell means it's time to go to break. Actually means it was time to go to break four minutes ago. We will take ourselves a little break. Evan Handler is here tonight from It's Like You Know, ABC, 830 Wednesday. That's it. New time. And we'll be back to rant after this. There we go. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That'd be Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Evan Handler's here tonight from It's Like You Know, Wednesday Nights, Now, ABC, 830. And also has a book out called Time on Fire, my comedy of terrors. And this is a book that Evan wrote about the leukemia, right? Transplants and all that stuff.

25:02 Evan Handler It's about leukemia, my sex life in the hospital, sexual fantasies about psychokeelers. It's about as much sex as you could have in a book about leukemia.

25:11 Adam Really?

25:11 Evan Handler Yeah. Let me see.

25:13 Adam I'm looking at the edge here. I'm not seeing pictures. That's kind of an immediate turn off for me. Yeah, Adam would not buy the book.

25:18 Caller That's right.

25:19 Adam When I buy a book, the first thing I do is I put the book on its edge and I look for the gray streaks that mean pictures to me.

25:27 Drew Bunches of pictures.

25:28 Adam Bunches. Yeah, little groups of pictures. If I don't see those, I just keep walking.

25:32 Drew You're still looking for the pictures. Look.

25:35 Adam I'm thinking I may have missed something, but no. There's some words. What is that when they take the letters and they put them together?

25:44 Drew Words? Yeah, then they string the words together.

25:46 Evan Handler Then the phrases.

25:47 Adam That's a page?

25:47 Drew Sentences.

25:48 Adam Sentence. Okay. What is that place where they keep the books again, Drew?

25:52 Drew Book store or library.

25:53 Adam Library. That's the one.

25:54 Drew Yeah.

25:54 Adam See, to me, that's always confused. It's like, no book in that title at all. You know what I mean? All books, nothing about a book. Called what again?

26:02 Drew Library. Library.

26:03 Adam That's right. All right. You got some kind of special pass to get in there, something someone's telling me about?

26:08 Drew Just to take the books out, yeah.

26:09 Evan Handler Do people still use them? That's like a quaint thing from my childhood. In New York, they're just places where homeless people hang out.

26:14 Adam Yeah, that's right. That's right. Crazy, homeless, unemployable people go there and, you know, just sit and read.

26:20 Evan Handler And surf the web.

26:21 Adam Yeah, use, I buy them computers is basically how it works. Kayla.

26:26 Hi.

26:27 Adam You're 19, what's up?

26:28 Caller Yeah, I was thinking about donating my eggs and I just wanted to know what the negative side effects were in general and especially in regards to future fertility.

26:36 Drew Of harvesting your eggs?

26:37 Caller Yeah, well, donating them.

26:40 Drew Well, they have to be harvested before they can be donated.

26:42 Caller Yeah, okay.

26:43 Drew And.

26:44 Adam How smart is that kid going to be?

26:47 Drew There are several procedures out there now and the main thing, though, you have to understand is that they take your ovaries and they overstimulated them in an abnormal and extra physiologic way to create as many follicles, as many eggs as possible, and they either go in through a laparoscope or with a long needle through the side of the vagina and suck those eggs out.

27:04 Adam Hey, does it make sense to go in through the side of something that already has a gaping hole in it? I mean, it's like you opening your garage door and then busting the stucco out of the side to get to the car.

27:14 Evan Handler Somehow I have a problem with the word gaping in that sentence.

27:18 Adam Unusually large hole compared to the other orifices in one's body. Isn't the vagina the largest of all orifices, Drew?

27:25 Drew It can accommodate.

27:27 Adam Bigger than JJ Walker's mouth?

27:32 Drew The problem with this is that there are complications that can occur when you stimulate the ovaries like that. They can grow so big, they can actually outgrow their blood supply and die. So, that could impact fertility and there is a finite risk of increase in the risk of ovarian cancer and nobody knows what that is yet.

27:48 Adam How much can you get for these harvested eggs?

27:52 Caller Well, I found a website and you choose your minimum bid, like they bid on your eggs because it's priceline.com for ovaries and eggs.

28:01 Adam I saw Shatner did a spot for the egg auction. He's got an auction on Rug-Off, I think, on one of them as well.

28:11 Caller It's for girls who are really, really smart and pretty as well, basically, for people who want.

28:17 Adam So, how does that work? You send in a picture of yourself and an SAT score?

28:21 Evan Handler She's doing some promoting here.

28:23 Adam It's great.

28:23 Evan Handler She's got it down.

28:24 Adam Really smart. And, Kayla, so I'm guessing you're attractive.

28:30 Caller I'm average, I think.

28:31 Adam I'll tell you what.

28:32 Caller Smart, so.

28:32 Adam Why don't we do this? Let's take it to the next step. You're smart and you're attractive, right?

28:36 Caller Yeah.

28:37 Adam How about I knock you up and you sell the kid? You know what I mean? We really cash in.

28:41 Caller I don't think we'd get as much, necessarily.

28:44 Adam Well, I don't.

28:45 Drew You spoiled the soup, see, Adam.

28:47 Caller Broth.

28:48 Adam Listen, I have two TV shows and a goddamn radio show.

28:52 Caller Now, come on.

28:53 Caller I know.

28:54 Adam That's impressive.

28:55 Caller Oh, yeah. And you're pretty cute, too.

28:57 Adam That's what I'm talking about.

28:59 That's what he was after. Now we're back.

29:00 Adam And listen, I don't want anything except for the initial consultation.

29:03 Drew I don't know, though, if they're going to take her eggs with the visual impairment that she has.

29:07 Adam All right. Wise ass. So, Kayla, you don't. So what would you ask for for your eggs?

29:16 Caller Well, I would ask for probably fifty thousand. The minimum that you do ask for is fifteen thousand.

29:22 Adam Right.

29:22 Caller Like the prettier you are or the smarter you are, you can ask for more.

29:25 Drew I heard someone got a million and a half or something.

29:27 Caller The maximum you can ask for is a hundred and fifty thousand.

29:30 Adam It is.

29:31 Caller But people bid higher than your minimum.

29:34 Adam What about the sort of moral implications? I mean, the fact that there may be another one of you, in a sense, but at least partially biologically running around in the world. You don't think that would affect you in some way?

29:48 Caller It won't bother me at all.

29:49 Evan Handler That's even kind of esoteric, but I mean, when Drew just laid out some really real concrete physical risks, I guess the question that I would ask is, you know, if somebody sat you down and said, okay, list those physical risks and put a dollar number next to each of those, like, okay, what would becoming sterile be worth to you? How much money would that take?

30:07 Caller Now that I've heard that, I don't think I'm going to do it.

30:10 Drew Okay.

30:11 Caller Because I want to have kids of my own.

30:12 Drew Okay. You would do sound smart. And what most 19 year olds, the way they think, though, they can't really conceptualize their mortality. They can't accept that something could even happen to them, even though they know the facts. That's not going to happen to me. So let's go.

30:25 Adam Well, also, too, when you're poor, I'm just sort of thinking back on my days of being poor. You will do things for money. I mean, you will do things for money. I mean, 50 grand. I did some gay porn in the late 70s. Come on. Do it. Come on. It was very cold winter, 79. Everyone was doing it back then. No, I mean, I thought about stuff. Like, I remember, I remember they were talking about construction crews going to Kuwait and stuff and rebuilding and you could make $45 an hour or something. I was like, so you breathe in, so you get shot at, or you breathe in some oil well fire or something. But I was, hey, if I could have done it, I mean, the idea of making $3,000 a week or something for six months in Kuwait while I got shot at and inhaled noxious fumes or whatever, well, I would have done it in a heartbeat. Absolutely. I mean, you know what I mean? If you're living on your own, you're poor and whatever and someone says $50,000 and there's a 5% chance you may be sterile, you'll jump on that. Absolutely. I wish I had some eggs. Sean?

31:30 Drew Yeah.

31:31 Adam I don't have eggs, do I, Drew?

31:32 Drew You might.

31:33 Adam Okay, you want to look after the show?

31:35 Drew No.

31:36 Adam Evan?

31:36 Evan Handler No, thanks.

31:37 Adam Just a little peek? No, hold the balls out of the way. You take a look.

31:40 Evan Handler No, no, no.

31:41 Adam All right. Sean?

31:42 Yeah.

31:43 Adam You're 21.

31:43 Caller Hi. I've been listening to you guys for a long time. I really do appreciate the call or you taking my call and everything. Okay, here's the situation. A girl that I just started seeing, we've been very good friends for about 8 years. She's 24. I'm 21. She is a black girl. I'm a white guy and we are getting like weird looks when we go out. I mean, we live in Southern California and it's really sad that when we go out, we get looks from people all the time. I get looks from white guys like, what are you doing with a black girl? And she gets looks from black guys like, what are you doing to the white guy?

32:17 Drew Are you sure you guys aren't reading into stuff?

32:19 Caller No, they are literally looks. People will sit there and stare at us. Like, what do you guys?

32:23 Drew She's real pretty or something. Maybe there's something else. Maybe you guys would dress strangely.

32:27 Adam We're real fat.

32:30 Caller No, we're just, you know, it's...

32:32 Adam Where do you live?

32:33 Caller I mean, I live in San Bernardino. She lives in San Diego. So we don't get to see each other too often, usually about on the weekends, but it helps because we both work a lot and go to school.

32:45 Adam Listen, I really... I know as a society, we like to make a lot out of nothing. And I generally just like to minimize stuff. And when it comes to situations like this, I just tend to think, oh, who cares? And are people really looking? Or are you just sort of projecting that? And here's my take. They probably look marginally more than they'd look if you were with some white chick. On the other hand, if the white chick was blonde and six foot tall and wearing a mini skirt, they probably wouldn't look as much as they're looking now.

33:16 Caller Yeah.

33:17 Adam Yeah, or they'd look more is what I'm saying. So, I mean, you can always...

33:20 Caller Bill, see, the thing is that it got us kind of sitting there thinking about, hey, if things really do get serious, how is it going to impact us? I went to my parents and talked to them about it. They don't have a problem with it, but she said that her parents would just probably flip.

33:34 Adam Right.

33:34 Caller The thought of her dating a white guy.

33:37 Drew So they don't know.

33:37 Caller I mean, her parents are both from New York and they're just kind of really strict and everything. My parents are surprisingly very liberal when it comes to things like that.

33:46 Adam How long have you been with her?

33:48 Caller Just a couple months. We've been really good friends for like eight years and we decided that we were going to start dating.

33:54 Adam Listen, just stay with it and her folks will get over it. They really will. All parents don't want you going out with their daughter, black or white, usually. Whatever the guy is for the first couple of months, they ain't nuts about him. Eventually, they get used to it, provided you're a good guy. Because you're not just the cracker who's dating my daughter. You become Sean. You don't become Evan.

34:22 Evan Handler One person did, but that was a long time ago.

34:24 Adam Right. Blame your parents for that. You know what I'm saying? Everyone. This is sort of at the root of racism anyway. People aren't individuals. They're black or they're white or they're Mexican or whatever they are.

34:37 Drew And whether people believe it or not, for all biological systems, genetic diversity improves the health of the system.

34:44 Adam That's right. It's good to get a little brown sugar, as Drew likes to say during the commercials, once in a while. Although the hair pays. The hair really takes a beating when you get that mulatto hair going. You can't figure out what direction it's going in. You know what I'm saying?

35:01 Drew You're still thinking about the 70s, but it all had to be combed over to the side.

35:04 Adam I'm saying you get a couple of white folks together. They get that straight hair. You get a couple of black folks together. They get that nappy hair. But when you start mixing the hair, the hair really suffers if you think about it.

35:13 Drew Is there hair combos? Would an Asian and a Scandinavian be the right hair combo?

35:19 Evan Handler Too fine.

35:20 Adam Too fine, too straight, not warm enough during the winter, depending on where you're settled. But the curly hair is like the dominant hair. That's like the brown eye gene, that curly hair. So you take someone with the straight hair and you put them with the curly hair, the curly hair wins every time, right, Drew?

35:36 Drew If you say so.

35:37 Evan Handler Adam's got a chart at home with every racial group. That's right.

35:40 Adam How it matches up.

35:41 Drew He's trying to create the perfect hair race.

35:43 Adam Yeah.

35:44 Drew Adam got his fair share burden of below the waist hair. And he's been burdened with that. He doesn't want anybody else to have to go through that.

35:51 Adam I got a little ass hair. Well, just like Evan wrote a book so people don't have to go through this bone marrow leukemia nightmare.

35:58 Evan Handler You two are so intimate. It's so touching.

36:00 Adam I have the same crusade with the ass hair. So we all have.

36:03 Drew It's a touchy subject for him.

36:05 Adam We all have our topics. All right. We'll take a little break. Evan Handler is here from It's Like You Know, Wednesday Nights Now, 8.30 ABC. Drew is here from This Is It for You, Andre.

36:16 Caller It's B.

36:17 Drew On my web.

36:17 Caller All right.

36:18 Adam We'll take a little break before Drew gives that website address out and we'll be back after this.

36:27 Caller We'll be right back with more.

36:40 Adam BE191, Evan Handler's here tonight. He's from, it's like, you know, quite down there, Drew, Wednesday Nights on ABC, 8.30. Yes, Drew.

36:50 Drew It really is the worst strategy to try to scare teenagers in any kind of behavior.

36:54 Adam Right.

36:54 Drew Because if it doesn't ring true, that's it. You lost your window of opportunity.

36:59 Adam And it's sort of grandiose if you think about it. We're going to feed these kids a bunch of BS, we'll scare them, and they'll listen up. And that never works.

37:10 Drew Boy, they do the opposite. It's considered sort of untrustworthy then.

37:15 Adam We were talking about the AIDS crisis. But listen, in this country, people dive... How far down is AIDS on the list? Fatality.

37:26 Drew It was pretty high for a long time. Where is it now?

37:29 Adam I mean, it's behind a few things, isn't it?

37:31 Drew Yeah.

37:32 Caller All right.

37:32 Adam So let's focus on that. That's what I like to say. All right. Lauren.

37:37 Caller Yeah.

37:38 Adam You're 18.

37:39 Caller Yeah.

37:39 Caller What's up?

37:40 Caller I was wondering if it's possible for my father to have contracted AIDS and not known it.

37:49 Caller He's gay.

37:49 Caller And his partner died of it about five years ago. And it was a few months after they broke up.

37:57 Adam Well, wasn't I just making a point of people not dying of AIDS?

38:02 Drew But you mean he hasn't been tested?

38:03 Adam I didn't even know we were taking this call. Wow.

38:06 Drew You mean he hasn't been tested?

38:08 Adam Pretty jovial.

38:08 Evan Handler She's got a hell of a sense of humor about it.

38:10 Adam Yeah. No, he hasn't. Hey, Lauren, you know, I haven't had leukemia. He's almost died. Yeah, man, that fill his bones with his own marrow, brother, put it through a big colander, wash it like a couple of tomatoes that they've got out of the garden and then set it right back in. One foot in the grave.

38:43 Drew Hey, Lauren.

38:45 Adam I gave him a month.

38:46 Drew How long ago was this that he had contact with his friend?

38:50 Caller Um, yeah, I...

38:53 Adam Five years ago, he died, right?

38:55 Caller Yeah, they were together for probably about...

38:56 Adam So it was three and a half years.

38:57 Drew Are you asking, is the question, what is the chance of somebody testing negative but still having the virus five years after the contact?

39:06 Caller Yeah.

39:06 Drew Zero. Essentially zero.

39:09 Caller Okay.

39:09 Drew Forget it.

39:10 Caller Okay.

39:10 Drew All right? If he's telling you the truth, it's essentially zero.

39:13 Adam And unless you're talking to Bob Guccione Jr. Yeah.

39:17 Evan Handler Well, also depending on his behavior and contact since then in the five years.

39:21 Drew That's a good point.

39:21 Adam Yes, he could have...

39:22 Caller He's been in a monogamous move, monogamous whatever. He hasn't since it for the past six years.

39:27 Adam Yeah, but the last one of those, he had the guy at AIDS.

39:31 Caller Yeah.

39:32 Adam All right. I don't want to freak you out. All right. Is he all right? Is that all right, your dad being gay?

39:37 Caller Yeah.

39:37 Adam Doesn't freak you out?

39:38 Caller No.

39:39 Caller My parents got divorced when I was like four.

39:42 Adam Do you have any brothers?

39:43 Caller I have one sister.

39:45 Adam Okay. I would wonder, do you think that would affect guys more than girls if you had a daughter and a son?

39:51 Drew I don't know. Somebody asked a question on my website, where the question was, I'm gay, I feel it's wrong, I'm going to live a heterosexual life. And I was trying to advise him to be true to himself.

40:02 Adam Hold on a second, Anderson, could you isolate that last statement? Is there any way you could put that somewhere?

40:08 Drew Put it on a loop?

40:09 Adam I think that's going to sound good. Yeah, alone. Yeah, thank you. Go ahead, I'm sorry, Drew.

40:14 Drew I understand.

40:14 Adam So you're gay and you're trying to live a heterosexual life. Right.

40:19 Drew And?

40:20 Adam Keep going.

40:23 Drew And he believed that his religious organization felt it was wrong. My point was, they wouldn't want you to lie to the people either, they wouldn't want you to hurt other people by presenting yourself as one thing and being another. And I thought, but, you know, how do you help someone make those kinds of choices if they don't want to be true to themselves? You know what I'm saying? Without sounding punitive to that person, they're going to feel worse about what their choices are.

40:46 Adam Alright, but what's that have to do with my point, which is who would be more pissed off, your son or your daughter?

40:52 Drew Well, the point I'm making is I don't know that has any impact on the children. Lauren It sounds great. Does it have more impact than any other positive words?

41:00 Caller It had a lot more impact on my sister because she was older and she was told at the time what was happening. They didn't tell me until the summer before.

41:09 Drew What is the impact that you're perceiving on her?

41:11 Caller She has a whole bunch of emotional problems.

41:14 Adam Oh boy, okay.

41:15 Caller Alright, Lauren.

41:17 Adam Oh, yeah.

41:19 Caller She had to be institutionalized.

41:24 Caller She's only the other person.

41:28 Evan Handler The worse it gets, the funnier it is.

41:29 Adam Alright, Lauren, you take care of yourself. Alright.

41:32 Caller Bye.

41:33 Adam God bless her. I can deal with the fact that I am gay. Marie?

41:38 Caller Yeah.

41:38 Adam You're 16?

41:39 Caller Yeah.

41:39 Adam What's up?

41:41 Caller Well, one of my friends took me up with this guy way back in like January and it turns out that he's like this total weird guy and I didn't know at the time that he was 18 and then I was 15 because I just turned 16 a couple weeks ago and we only really went out for two weeks and it didn't really count because he just like talked to me on the phone.

42:05 Adam Right.

42:05 Caller And so I told him that was over that I didn't even like him and that I didn't even want to be friends with him so like he started calling me all the time and one night it was like two o'clock in the morning I woke up and he was standing outside my window watching me sleep and now he's like everywhere I go and he calls me all the time and I think he's harmless because I've never seen him actually get mad before.

42:28 Drew Well you don't know.

42:29 Evan Handler Yeah, that's your first mistake or second or third.

42:32 Caller It's weird and I want to know what to do.

42:35 Caller People are starting them with restraining orders and you won't listen.

42:39 Drew Get the restraining order. Bring military force to bear. Whatever you got to do to shut this down, you have to do it deliberately and firmly.

42:48 Caller I told my mom and she doesn't really know how serious it is. She won't listen to me.

42:52 Drew This is not a time to be nice, not warm and fuzzy. It's time to be firm and to use whatever authority is available. Get the injunction, get the restraining order. Tell everybody you can possibly tell to help you keep this guy away. Do not talk to him. Document everything that happens.

43:09 Adam Right. Okay. In a way, you do him a favor. Because he's young, you set some limits. Change him around a little bit. Mike?

43:19 Caller Yeah.

43:19 Adam You're 24.

43:20 Caller Yes.

43:21 Caller What's up?

43:22 Caller Me and my girlfriend have been going out.

43:23 Caller She's 30.

43:24 Caller We've been going out for two years, a little over two years. And we've been trying to have anal sex with her.

43:30 Caller And we've used KY Jelly the last couple nights.

43:34 Caller And she lately starts to bleed and I stop.

43:38 Caller And her and I would really like to have anal sex.

43:41 Drew She and you?

43:43 Caller Yeah.

43:43 Adam Or you? Her with the bleeding rectum?

43:46 Caller No, her.

43:47 Drew No, no, no.

43:47 Caller Not like that.

43:48 Caller No, not like that.

43:50 Caller I stop before it even gets that far.

43:52 Adam I understand.

43:52 Caller I don't even put it in.

43:54 Adam But is she sort of held bent on the butt love or is it you who's made it more of a mission? It's her.

44:01 Caller Her.

44:02 Drew I don't believe it.

44:03 Caller Huh?

44:03 Adam Drew doesn't believe there's a woman in America that actually wants anal sex.

44:06 Caller Do you like that she's right here?

44:07 Drew Yes, like Doctor.

44:08 Adam Yeah.

44:09 Drew Hold on.

44:12 Caller Hello?

44:13 Adam Hello?

44:13 Caller Hello?

44:14 Adam What's your name?

44:15 Caller Shauna.

44:15 Drew Shauna, why are you interested in doing this thing that hurts you so much?

44:18 Caller Well, I didn't think it would hurt.

44:21 Drew It hurts you. Why are you interested in doing it so much?

44:24 Caller I didn't think it would hurt and when it did hurt, we stopped.

44:26 Drew So why are you interested in doing it so much? It will hurt badly.

44:29 Caller It will.

44:29 Drew For you. Yes. It hurts you. You've checked it. It hurts.

44:31 Caller I know what I've read things where once you get used to it, it's like the wonderful thing.

44:37 Drew So you were held back on it.

44:38 Caller What? Well, I know. If it works, I'm not going to hurt myself.

44:42 Drew Are you held back on this? Are you doing this just because he's pressuring you to do it?

44:46 Caller No, not at all.

44:47 Drew He's not pressuring you? It's not what you want to do.

44:49 Adam Alright, so this is 100% 50-50.

44:51 Caller Oh, it's equal. Yeah.

44:52 Drew Okay.

44:53 Caller Alright.

44:54 Adam I could do it without any bleeding. You wouldn't even know I was in you for the first half hour.

44:59 Caller Oh, yeah? For the first half hour?

45:00 Adam Right. Then you'd know, but only because you got up and started to head to the fridge. Alright, so why is it that, Drew, why would someone bleed down there? Do you think there's a...

45:12 Drew Caring, fissuring, hemorrhoid?

45:13 Adam Yeah, but they didn't do anything yet.

45:15 Drew They got enough to do something. The point is some people have more discomfort with this than others. It's not something that everybody can accommodate.

45:22 Evan Handler I mean, I'd really like to dunk a basketball, but it just ain't going to happen. Not that I want to discourage anyone from having anal sex.

45:30 Caller Right.

45:31 Adam Hey, Shauna, did he attempted to enter you when it started bleeding?

45:39 Drew Yeah.

45:39 Caller Yeah.

45:40 Adam That's God telling you to blow him. Why do that anyway? God rarely tells gals to blow guys, but this is a rare exception. Actually, the only time God tells a gal to blow a guy is during the anal sex. During the attempt at anal sex. I see. You understand? There's a special bar that lights up in heaven that he runs and punches. It's brown and it smells. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break and we'll be back after this. All right. It is Loveline. We're going to take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

46:22 Caller This is Loveline on Radio Station.

46:36 Adam Times. I really have. A thousand times. Smart show.

46:40 Evan Handler That's going to make them tune in, Adam.

46:42 Adam A lot of T&A.

46:46 Evan Handler There you go.

46:46 Adam There's some good looking chicks popping around. And everyone is smart on that show.

46:52 Evan Handler Good looking chicks and a bald guy.

46:53 Adam Very smart. That is Evan. But I don't know. I think it kind of works. I think now is a good time to be bald.

47:01 Evan Handler Better than many years ago.

47:03 Adam Yeah. If you really think about it in your lifetime, how old are you?

47:07 Evan Handler If I wasn't white and 5'7, I bear an uncanny resemblance to Michael Jordan.

47:13 Adam That's right. And no, no, actually you're a better actor than he is.

47:17 Caller I was going to say yeah.

47:19 Adam Shannon?

47:20 Caller Yeah.

47:21 Adam You're 24. What's up?

47:24 Caller Hi.

47:25 Adam Hi. Hi. What's going on, Shannon?

47:27 Caller Well, I'm calling because I was thinking about getting a boob job. And I wanted to ask Dr. Drew what he thought about that.

47:37 Adam I almost want to gamble on Shannon.

47:39 Drew Yeah. There's something going on there.

47:40 Adam Look at that voice. I can hear something in her voice.

47:42 Drew Well, what is your intent in getting my opinion? What are you thinking? What are you hoping I'll say or not say?

47:48 Caller Well, I'm hoping you'll say that despite what people... What the medical profession says, that it's very dangerous in some way, I'm hoping you'll say it's still okay and that you think it's a fine surgery for people to do.

48:07 Caller Why?

48:09 Drew Well, it's a common surgery and many women are happy that they have it done. It is a surgery and as such carries the risks of any surgery, anesthesia, bleeding, infection.

48:21 Caller I'm thinking like long-term for women, let's say, who had it for 40 years or something. Actually, there aren't women who have had it for 40 years.

48:28 Drew That's right. We don't know. And those procedures are sort of a beginning. This requires some maintenance, these things. They can capsulate, they move, all kinds of things have to be redone.

48:37 Adam I have to rub them with Pabba twice a month.

48:41 Drew Right. It is a serious endeavor, I think.

48:46 Adam All right. It's a serious endeavor that everyone does without any problem.

48:49 Drew Well, if it's important.

48:50 Adam Shannon?

48:51 Caller Yeah.

48:52 Adam What do you do for a living?

48:55 Caller Right now, I am going to school. Okay.

48:59 Adam I was more interested in like maybe 11 years ago, but right now you're going to school? Junior college?

49:06 Caller Oh, no.

49:08 Caller It's my graduate degree.

49:09 Caller In what?

49:11 Caller In political science.

49:13 Adam No. UC San Diego or San Diego State?

49:18 Caller No, actually, UCLA.

49:20 Adam What? You don't sound Asian. Parents will kill themselves if they find out you're getting a boob job. Really? All right. Okay. And you're 34B now?

49:32 Caller Yes.

49:32 Adam And what do you want to step up to?

49:34 Caller Just to see.

49:35 Adam All right.

49:36 Evan Handler Why is this so important? This escapes me personally.

49:41 Drew I want you to listen to Adam's point of view because he has been sort of through the medical system because he had to be.

49:46 Evan Handler Forget the medical system. I've slept with a lot of women. And, you know, I'm like crazy for small breasts. So I don't understand why a woman's obsession would be...

49:56 Drew Adam is going to reach over the table and strangle her. You've desecrated something very important.

50:01 Evan Handler Well, but that works out well, then. He can stick with the woman with big breasts and I can hang on to the woman with small breasts.

50:05 Adam Let me tell you what I hear when I hear a man say I'm crazy for small breasts.

50:08 Evan Handler Oh, no.

50:08 Adam Here's what it sounds like.

50:09 Drew He blew it over his head.

50:10 Adam I'm gay.

50:11 Caller That's what I hear.

50:12 Adam That's all I hear. Oh, man. I didn't even hear what he said.

50:14 Evan Handler This is why he just didn't come out with the anal sex.

50:16 Adam He announced he was gay. That's all I heard.

50:19 Drew You're gay.

50:20 Adam Thank you, Drew. Hey, Shannon.

50:22 Caller Yes? All right.

50:23 Adam Let me tell you the reality of men.

50:26 Caller I need a man's opinion because it's really not to do with men.

50:28 Adam Well, there's only one man in this studio.

50:30 Evan Handler You're going to have to choose whether it's me or Adam.

50:34 Adam Not an interior designer's opinion, a man's opinion. And let me give you this man's opinion, although this does not include this man. But this is this man's opinion. And Evan will back me up on this.

50:47 Evan Handler Back you up? Just a minute here.

50:49 Adam Yes, he will.

50:49 Evan Handler He's using subtly homosexual terminology now.

50:51 Adam Men do not care about the size of a woman's breast nearly as much as women think they care and society makes them out to care. Men, most men, almost all men that I know are much more attracted to a woman's behind, a woman's legs, a woman's face, a woman's eyes, and the shape of the breast. Breast, pardon me, the form of the breast, not the sheer mass of the breast. And as a matter of fact, most guys don't even like what they would consider abnormally large breasts. Fun to look at, fun to see if you're going out and hanging out at a strip club or something. But in terms of a relationship or even a sexual encounter, they like a nice breast. And oftentimes a smaller breast. And I think if you look at any of the models and any of the women that are considered, you know, fantasy women in our society, there's only a couple of them that have large breasts. The other ones, the sort of Cindy Crawfords of the world have sort of what are considered reasonable and nice and almost modest breasts, okay? That's what guys are attracted to. Not me. I like the big jumbo breasts. That's me because I'm all man. But there are other guys who haven't yet come in touch with their homosexuality, like Evan. Folks that are hiding from the truth. They're in a latency stage that enjoy a small breast. And that is most of society's sad to say. There's an elite fraternity, however.

52:31 Evan Handler What is this poor woman's name that you're giving this speech to? How many Shannon's have you driven into surgery?

52:37 Adam It's important. I am preventing her from going under the knife by telling her that every guy I know likes a modest breast.

52:46 Drew 34B is sort of normal.

52:48 Caller It's desirable.

52:49 Adam That's right. And I'm not saying if Shannon had a 34C, her boyfriend would dump her or the guys wouldn't be attracted to her. I am saying that they don't really care. You're spending a lot of time and a lot of money for something that your average guy in the street doesn't really care about.

53:05 Caller Now that is not Madison Avenue.

53:08 Evan Handler I mean, if you're really, I mean, you know, get yourself a healthy relationship with some guy who, who, you know, who, who you turn him on and what your breast size is, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

53:23 Adam This is an ABC.

53:29 Caller I like the fact that you feel comfortable.

53:30 Evan Handler You know, the fact that, I mean, are you in a relationship?

53:32 Adam Oh, wait, hold on.

53:34 Evan Handler He's long gone.

53:35 Drew Wait a minute.

53:36 Adam I'm sorry. I got it back. Shannon?

53:38 Caller Yes.

53:39 Evan Handler Are you in a relationship?

53:40 Caller Yes.

53:41 Evan Handler And is this guy, well, I mean, that's a good, are there problems in the relationship?

53:45 Caller No.

53:46 Evan Handler All right. He's perfectly happy.

53:48 Caller Well, yeah, I haven't told him.

53:49 Evan Handler So what makes you think that this is something? Well, what makes you want to do this?

53:55 Caller I feel like I'm too tall and have too small.

53:57 Evan Handler Well, if you feel like you're too tall, you should have some of your legs cut out, not your breasts enhanced.

54:01 Caller Oh, okay.

54:01 Caller Did you do that?

54:03 Caller I will ask the doctor if he'll change.

54:06 Adam Hey, Shannon, let's say...

54:07 Evan Handler Well, you get my point. I mean, if this guy's happy and you guys turn each other on, why, you know, what is it you want to turn yourself into? What, where's this desire coming from?

54:17 Caller Just into a more proportionate person, I guess.

54:20 Caller I don't know.

54:20 Adam All right. But Shannon, you're making my point, which is guys don't really care. You care.

54:27 Caller Yes.

54:28 Adam Also, you got something in your voice. Are you all right?

54:32 Caller Yes.

54:32 Adam You ever raped or molested?

54:34 Caller No, nothing.

54:35 Adam Where's your dad?

54:37 Caller Um, here in California.

54:39 Adam Yeah. Was he good to you?

54:41 Caller Yes.

54:42 Drew Where's your mom?

54:44 Caller Uh, same. California.

54:45 Adam Eating disorder?

54:47 Caller Me?

54:47 Caller No.

54:48 Adam You? No?

54:50 Caller No.

54:50 Adam All right. Drew, how about you? Me? No. And never eating disorder, Shannon?

54:56 Caller And never what?

54:58 Adam An eating disorder?

54:59 Drew No.

55:00 Caller Of course, every woman should see her thinner.

55:03 Drew We have a rape rating like that?

55:05 Caller No.

55:06 Adam Okay.

55:06 Caller No. I, no. Never had sex till I was 20.

55:09 Adam All right. Because of the rape that your uncle did at 14?

55:13 Caller Yes. Because of the incest? No. Nothing strange.

55:15 Adam Okay. You love your dad? He's good to you?

55:18 Caller Um, no.

55:20 Caller I don't think he's a great person.

55:22 Drew What's the deal with him? That's what I'm getting at. You need to control men for some reason. You need to have that sort of erotic impulse from guys that you can then control and master.

55:33 Adam What was up with dad?

55:34 Caller Alcohol?

55:35 Caller Yeah. That's a good call, Dr. Drew. That's a great call.

55:38 Drew Why don't you go to Al-Anon?

55:39 Adam I thought that was me.

55:40 Drew No. I was thinking about her need to control.

55:41 Caller I mean both of you.

55:42 Caller Oh, okay.

55:43 Drew Thanks. Go to Al-Anon or ACA and look at the psychological aspects of what's going on here before you start transforming yourself.

55:49 Adam I got an interesting notion here, Drew.

55:52 Evan Handler Nobody gave me any credit.

55:53 Caller No.

55:54 Adam That was semi-poignant what Evan said. I mean for an actor and everything.

55:58 Caller Listen.

56:00 Adam Here's my new suggestion. You know when guys want to undergo a sex change operation, they need a year's worth of therapy in order to label them completely same for getting their jobs and locked off?

56:11 Drew Walk around with the enhanced bras.

56:13 Adam No. I am saying seriously, I would bet that 80% of women who undergo this procedure have some issues with daddy and men and self-worth and possibly an eating disorder floating around somewhere or an alcoholic dad or the urge to control men in some way, one way or another. I'm not saying every single one of them, but I'm saying a large percentage do. And I know this is never going to happen, but it would probably do them good to have a couple months of therapy before the procedure. It's potentially dangerous. It's going to cost some money and a couple good months of therapy. Dig into a few issues. They may decide that they don't want it. Good point. Wait till I'm governor. Jenny?

56:59 Caller Yeah.

56:59 Adam You're 15.

57:00 Caller Yeah.

57:00 Adam What's up?

57:02 Caller I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year. And just the last four or five months we've been having sex. And he won't come. I don't know if it is me.

57:11 Caller And it really funds me. Like I feel like a failure when I think like maybe it's my fault.

57:16 Adam Wait. Wait. Wait and see how pissed you are when he does.

57:19 Caller Huh?

57:21 Adam That's when you really get angry.

57:22 Caller No, but I make me feel at least like I'm doing pleasure for him. I want to.

57:27 Adam How often are you having sex?

57:29 Caller Pretty often.

57:30 Adam Well, that's one reason you know it's enjoyable to him. He wouldn't do it for the last four months continuously if it wasn't something that he enjoyed. You know, like he doesn't like homework, right?

57:42 Caller I'm sure. Yeah.

57:43 Adam He doesn't do too much of that, does he? There you go. So we know that he participates in things that he enjoys and doesn't really participate in things he doesn't enjoy, right?

57:52 Caller Yeah.

57:52 Adam All right. Are you guys, you're not using protection, right?

57:56 Caller No, we are.

57:57 Adam You are?

57:58 Caller Yeah, I'm in birth control.

57:59 Drew Hallelujah, Jenny.

58:00 Adam That's great.

58:01 Caller Yeah. Also, I had another question, though.

58:03 Adam Well, wait a minute. Now, what's happening? You guys are having intercourse?

58:06 Caller Yeah.

58:06 Adam And nothing's happening?

58:07 Drew We'd have to talk to him, but it's not about you, I guarantee it.

58:10 Caller Okay.

58:10 Adam He's not having an orgasm.

58:12 Drew Right.

58:12 Caller No, not at all.

58:13 Drew What was your other question?

58:14 Adam What about any oral sex?

58:16 Caller Oh, yeah, and he won't come during that either.

58:19 Adam Very stubborn penis.

58:21 Evan Handler Well, what happens exactly? You try and he can't or he kind of backs off and tells you to stop?

58:26 Caller No, he just, I mean, I really, really wanted him to.

58:29 Caller Sure, I'd have to sit down with him for like two hours and he would really have to concentrate on it.

58:34 Adam Well, how old is he?

58:35 Caller He's 16.

58:36 Adam Yeah, sometimes guys haven't quite found their rhythm at 16 and that can manifest itself in many different ways. Sometimes it means orgasm before the underwear actually comes off. Sometimes it means two hours before the orgasm. You see what I'm saying, Jenny? But it will work its way out. All right.

58:58 Caller I want to correct you guys.

58:59 Caller You guys are telling that girl, what was her name?

59:01 Caller Chris or something?

59:02 Caller Yes.

59:04 Caller That she should get the morning after pill and keep it in her medicine cabinet just in case.

59:08 Caller Well, you can't do that with the morning after pill. You have to go to a clinic and find out if you're pregnant for them to be able to give it to you.

59:16 Drew No, no, no, no. Jenny, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. Where did you get that notion?

59:20 Caller From Planned Parenthood.

59:22 Drew You can call your doctor and he can call a prescription to any pharmacy and you can keep that in your medicine cabinet. So should you get in trouble, you've got it right there. In fact, many gynecologists require women of childbearing age to take a prescription with them as a requisite of being a patient. They feel it's so important that they have that backup available.

59:41 Caller I wasn't aware of that.

59:42 Drew That's not... By the way, if you're pregnant, the morning after pill doesn't work anymore.

59:47 Caller The what?

59:47 Drew The morning after pill doesn't work if you're pregnant.

59:49 Caller Oh, I know. It only works for 72 hours.

59:51 Drew Yeah, but there's no reason for a pregnancy test to see if you're pregnant. If you are pregnant, it's over. You don't take the pill.

59:58 Caller Oh, okay.

59:59 Adam All right, Jenny. Maybe it's good that your boyfriend's withholding has seen it. All right, and I would really look at it as him withholding it. Okay?

1:00:08 Caller Thank you.

1:00:10 Evan Handler How sweet she thanked you.

1:00:13 Adam I like the way she's kind of mad at him. It's funny how people are sexually. I mean, there's a couple different ways to take the... I'm not having an orgasm on your dime kind of angle. One of them is just to be sort of pissed off.

1:00:29 Caller Come on.

1:00:31 Adam It's like when I used to do stand up very rarely, if the audience didn't laugh, I got mad at them. I mean, it wasn't like I started feeling uncomfortable. I want to go out and hit them with the mic stand. Hey, jackass, that was funny. I'm sure it was a form of compensation.

1:00:44 Drew You haven't changed that attitude at all, have you?

1:00:46 Adam Screw all you who don't laugh.

1:00:48 Drew I know. We get that every night here.

1:00:50 Adam You too, Drew.

1:00:51 Drew I understand.

1:00:52 Adam Amber, you're lucky I don't have a big mic stand. What's the deal? You're 18. What's up?

1:00:58 Caller Okay. I have a boyfriend.

1:00:59 Caller I love my boyfriend. I've been with him for five months. I'd give my world to him. The only problem is I've been sleeping with this guy named Greg for a year. I've been sleeping with this other guy named Johnny for about three, four months.

1:01:14 Caller I can't decide who I want.

1:01:16 Caller It's like really annoying me.

1:01:17 Caller I called my boyfriend tonight because I felt bad.

1:01:19 Caller I told him and he told me it's okay.

1:01:21 Caller He loves me.

1:01:23 Adam Hey, Amber, let me ask you a hypothetical question. If you gave your world to your first boyfriend, would you be banging other guys in that world as well?

1:01:35 Caller My first boyfriend was a real jerk.

1:01:37 Caller He hit me and stuff. Ever since then, I was raped by him. Ever since then, I just can't.

1:01:44 Adam Hold on a second. I'm ready to start gambling right now.

1:01:46 Drew Sure, this is a delay up.

1:01:47 Adam You ready? Yeah. All right. Evan?

1:01:50 Evan Handler Yeah, what are we doing?

1:01:50 Adam You have any money?

1:01:51 Evan Handler I don't know this game.

1:01:52 Adam Get a dollar out. It's called gambling. Here's how it works. What we like to do on this show from time to time, although we haven't done it in a while, is gamble on the past of some of our callers.

1:02:06 Evan Handler I only have a 10 because I'm on a network sit down.

1:02:08 Adam When you're on a network, that's it. When you're on MTV, actually, they just paid us four quarters. We turn these in for dollars.

1:02:16 Caller I see.

1:02:17 Drew Sometimes, just in feed.

1:02:18 Adam That's right. We got some grain. We got, no, seriously, MTV is very generous.

1:02:25 Evan Handler How much of this poor girl's past do you need to know? She already laid out.

1:02:28 Adam Well, we know about some incidents of her past, but we want to paint a full picture. So, I'm going to go first. Now, here's how it works. Where is she? What line is she on there? Amber? Right. Okay. What we do is we try to guess what kind of environment she grew up in. And that could mean alcoholic dad or alcoholic mom, could be mom together, mom and dad together, divorce, whatever, physical abuse, sexual abuse. And if you want, and it's not a bad bet, I always give this option to our guests, you can say mom and dad together, everything fine. Because sometimes they're in denial. Or even if they're not, maybe the parents are still together, maybe everything's fine. We don't believe it, but that's an angle. All right, I'm going to start. Had an abusive boyfriend, right? Was raped. Name is Amber. That's always, that means something, too. Sleeping around. I had sexual abuse before the rape.

1:03:29 Drew By whom?

1:03:30 Adam This one dude.

1:03:32 Drew Not family.

1:03:34 Adam I might be going, I may be going with dad. This is a lot of acting out here.

1:03:39 Caller Uncle. Uncle.

1:03:41 Adam Sexual abuse uncle.

1:03:43 Evan Handler I gotta go with dad, Phil. Dad for 200. Because anybody who would name their daughter Amber, you gotta question that.

1:03:50 Adam Alright, so you're going with dad's sexual abuse?

1:03:54 Evan Handler I'm going with an abusive dad. I don't have to specify.

1:03:58 Adam Be nice, yeah.

1:04:01 Evan Handler Yeah, some degree of sexual abuse from dad.

1:04:03 Drew Okay. Okay. I'm going with the trifecta. Dad is a drug addict, physically abusive, but sexually abused by like one of his drug addict friends.

1:04:10 Adam Uh-huh, so dad?

1:04:11 Drew Physical abusive drug addict, but the friends, the weird friends, the ones that got it.

1:04:15 Adam They were the culprits. Alright, interesting. Amber? Alright, now. There's three dollars riding on this.

1:04:23 Caller Okay.

1:04:23 Adam What happened?

1:04:24 Caller This is strange, my dad never sexually abused me.

1:04:26 Adam Alright.

1:04:27 Caller But my parents did do drugs, real bad drugs, and my dad started beating my mom, and they got a divorce.

1:04:32 Adam Alright, hold on, Drew, stop this celebratory dance, and just hold on.

1:04:35 Caller Okay.

1:04:36 Caller Yeah. When my mom left, my dad started beating me up to the age of 10 to 17.

1:04:43 Caller My dad beat me.

1:04:44 Adam Right.

1:04:44 Caller I finally got back, and I beat him up, and I went to Juvenile Hall.

1:04:48 Adam For beating him up?

1:04:49 Caller Yeah, because I can't take it anymore.

1:04:51 Adam Alright.

1:04:52 Drew Good for you. Thank you for this.

1:04:54 Adam And you went to Juvenile Hall for beating up your dad?

1:04:56 Caller Yes, I did.

1:04:58 Caller I was in there for six months.

1:04:59 Adam There's got to be a little more to that story, then.

1:05:02 Caller I just beat him up.

1:05:03 Adam Okay. Meaning he passed out, loaded, and you went upside his head with something?

1:05:10 Caller I just beat the crap out of him.

1:05:12 Adam Okay. Like you drove the car into the living room, kind of?

1:05:15 Caller No. My dad. I just beat the crap out of him.

1:05:18 Adam Alright. Alright.

1:05:19 Drew Where did the sexual stuff go?

1:05:20 Adam What about the sexual stuff?

1:05:22 Caller No, my dad never sexualized.

1:05:23 Adam No, no, no.

1:05:24 Drew Who else did?

1:05:25 Caller I was raped when I was 15.

1:05:27 Drew By whom?

1:05:28 Caller My neighbor.

1:05:29 Adam Alright. Before that, anything?

1:05:31 Caller Nope. I had a great childhood up to the age of 10.

1:05:35 Drew Were both parents addicted to drugs?

1:05:37 Caller When I turned about 11, they started doing drugs.

1:05:40 Caller Real bad.

1:05:41 Adam Yeah, but they were doing something.

1:05:43 Caller Before that, my dad went to work every day. We lived in a nice area, went to school every day.

1:05:48 Drew They were doing drugs, weren't they?

1:05:49 Caller Yeah, they were doing great.

1:05:51 Adam Alright. So, Drew went with?

1:05:54 Drew Drug addicted to dad. Physically abusive dad. Sexually abused by somebody else.

1:06:01 Adam Alright. He gets the money. I'm sorry you gotta lose the 10, Evan.

1:06:04 Evan Handler I owe you a buck.

1:06:05 Caller I just want to say I love you guys.

1:06:07 Caller You guys are great.

1:06:08 Adam Thank you. Evan, could you? We'll get it during the commercial.

1:06:11 Evan Handler She loves you guys. She doesn't really know me.

1:06:14 Adam It's like you know.

1:06:15 Caller Will you guys please stop bagging on my name?

1:06:18 Caller I hate my name, though.

1:06:19 Adam Evan was just kidding.

1:06:22 Evan Handler I actually think Amber's got a lot of spunk. I mean, look, first of all, she beat the hell out of her dad instead of beating the hell out of herself for trying to kill herself.

1:06:28 Drew Now she's picking dads to reenact the whole trauma with.

1:06:31 Evan Handler Yeah, but she's also she got herself convinced. I mean, I'm not the doctor, I'll defer to you, but she's got herself convinced she loves her boyfriend, which she probably does, but she she hates somebody. Well, she's sort of working it all out.

1:06:42 Caller My dad would die. I hate my dad.

1:06:44 Adam You're doing a ton of acting out, though, Amber, and please understand that every guy or everything with a penis does not represent your dad. Stop trying to fix it using other people's Johnson's. I know you can't, but you have to because you're going to get pregnant, you're going to get beat up again.

1:07:03 Caller I'm on birth control, and I use condoms.

1:07:05 Caller Good, good, good.

1:07:06 Adam Now stop acting out. It makes you feel worse. It really does. It makes you feel better for 10 minutes, or in my case, three minutes, but then you feel worse.

1:07:14 Drew Find a boring guy.

1:07:16 Adam Find a guy you're not attracted to and stay with him. Fight to keep him.

1:07:19 Drew Boring, unattracted you.

1:07:21 Adam There you go. Well, there you go, Drew. Another very lucky guest by Dr. Drew, because as we know, there's no science to this. You cannot base your answer on anything because we're all individuals.

1:07:32 Drew The behavior of the present has nothing to do with your past.

1:07:34 Adam That's right. We're all very unique in our own way. None of us are the same, and we all respond differently.

1:07:41 Drew Why are you always so concerned about the child of Adam? Why do you always ask college about it? I don't know.

1:07:45 Adam It doesn't seem to have any bearing in the present, does it?

1:07:49 Evan Handler I know when I always listen, it's so boring because I just want to hear about the sex.

1:07:53 Caller All right.

1:07:53 Adam Want to get to some sex?

1:07:54 Evan Handler Yeah.

1:07:55 Adam All right. We'll do that when we come back.

1:08:16 Caller It's Loveline.

1:08:18 Adam I'm Adam. That is Drew. Evan Handler's here from It's Like You Know. Wednesday night, it's 8.30 on ABC. And it's going to be a lot of me and Drew over the next four days, everybody.

1:08:32 Drew Poor Adam.

1:08:33 Adam I'm already mad at you. I'm just starting. You know, instead of, here's my new strategy with you, Drew. Instead of have you just sort of accumulate, get on my nerves kind of thing up front and have me like blow Ganskin on Wednesday.

1:08:46 Drew Right.

1:08:47 Adam I'm just going to start now.

1:08:48 Drew Just we're just sort of get I'm already irritated. Like get stride. Let's have a stride going. Since it's a marathon, you might as well be.

1:08:54 Adam I've already had my fill of you. I've hit the wall if you're making a marathon comparison. Kathy.

1:09:00 Caller Yeah.

1:09:01 Adam You're twenty seven.

1:09:02 Caller I'm twenty seven years old. Been with my husband for seven years, and I've never really been sexually attracted to him. And I'm just wondering if this is in every other way, we're totally compatible. I mean, it's great. It's very nurturing, very respectful. But and we do have sex. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's just I don't know.

1:09:26 Adam Do you have a problem with him physically or is it a chemistry thing?

1:09:30 Caller Both.

1:09:31 Adam What's wrong with his appearance?

1:09:34 Caller He's not a monster or anything like that, but he's just not the typical type that I am personally attracted to. Like I usually would go for a taller frame built and he's short. He's hairy. I like hairless. He's kind of got a small penis. I like a larger Rocco type penis and Rocco. Oh, sorry. Maybe that's an Oregon thing.

1:10:02 Drew Why did you marry him?

1:10:04 Caller What's that?

1:10:04 Drew Why did you marry him?

1:10:05 Caller Because he's just the greatest person I've ever met.

1:10:09 Adam Well, listen, when you have a small schfanz, you gotta be nice. You're a troll with a small Johnson. Course you're cordial.

1:10:17 Caller Right. And the first...

1:10:18 Adam Otherwise, no one would have you.

1:10:20 Caller Yeah. Well, the first year, I don't know if it's just, you know, when you're with a new person, you just, oh, it was fine. I mean, we had sex all the time. It just, everything was really new and exciting. One of the things was, though, I'm the only person he's ever been with.

1:10:37 Adam Sure.

1:10:38 Caller And I've been with other people. And I'm finding I just don't like the way... I also don't like the way he makes love as well. It's kind of like reenacting porno movies.

1:10:49 Adam Hey, what's wrong with... I mean, yeah, I shouldn't do that.

1:10:52 Caller Some of that's fine.

1:10:54 Caller But...

1:10:55 Adam All right.

1:10:56 Caller All right.

1:10:56 Adam So listen, Kathy, this guy's hurting in a few departments that all sort of end up in the bedroom.

1:11:02 Caller Yeah.

1:11:02 Drew This is not about as a parent. So that's starting to bother you because the intimacy is failing so badly.

1:11:07 Adam But Drew, please recognize that women, not as much as men, but women, you know, are aesthetically inclined as well. And if the guy's covered with hair and short and has a small penis...

1:11:18 Drew But isn't it interesting?

1:11:19 Adam Danny DeVito is climbing on top of her twice a week.

1:11:22 Drew But isn't it interesting when she was involved in an intimate contact, it didn't even concur to her to make an issue.

1:11:28 Evan Handler It sounds like there was a good year there.

1:11:29 Drew Yeah, and when the intimacy started to fail, that he wasn't connecting with her, she felt objectified in the sex. All of a sudden, she started objectifying him, and she didn't like the object that she found.

1:11:40 Adam And let me tell you something. Let me say this. I'm trying to think of a percentage, but here's what I want to say. Aesthetically or physically or from a just pure sexual attraction standpoint, for men, it's 85-90% just pure physical. I mean, as if you turned the sound down on the TV set, we just looked at it.

1:12:02 Drew We looked at parts.

1:12:04 Adam And then there's about 10% personality attitude and that kind of stuff. Women, it can fluctuate wildly. I mean, a woman can be very much attracted to a guy if she thinks he's brilliant or interesting or a comedic genius or something, you know, Woody Allen or whoever. Or they can be horribly unattracted to a guy who is a fairly attractive guy.

1:12:28 Drew Who they were attracted to.

1:12:30 Adam If he steps on their cat's tail or does something to sort of provoke them emotionally. So this is what's going on. Now, here's a guy who's not physically attractive, but that's all right until he starts screwing up emotionally. And now, he's gone from, you know, a four to a one because of his attitude. So she's got to talk to him.

1:12:55 Drew Or they may get some therapy.

1:12:56 Adam All right, get some therapy. There you go.

1:12:59 Drew They're not communicating.

1:13:00 Adam Casey?

1:13:01 Caller Yeah?

1:13:02 Adam You're 15?

1:13:03 Caller Yeah.

1:13:03 Adam What's up?

1:13:04 Caller Well, my girlfriend, well, my ex-girlfriend, like we still talk a lot and stuff and now she's like wanting me to have sex with her and we've never done anything like that. Mm-hmm.

1:13:14 Drew How old is she?

1:13:15 Caller She's 15.

1:13:17 Adam When did you guys break up?

1:13:18 Caller Like four months ago.

1:13:21 Adam Yeah. And what did you do with her when you were going with her? You didn't have sex, right?

1:13:25 Caller No, nothing like that. We just like made out. But now she's like wanting to do that. Hmm.

1:13:30 Adam And what do you want to do?

1:13:32 Caller Well, that's like cool and stuff, but like, I don't know. It's like farther than I've ever gone.

1:13:40 Adam What pace have you gotten to?

1:13:42 Caller Like I've made out with the moment, but that's it.

1:13:45 Adam Uh-huh. So you're a little nervous about it.

1:13:47 Caller Yeah. And I just don't know. All right.

1:13:50 Adam Well, don't do it if you don't want to do it.

1:13:53 Caller All right.

1:13:53 Adam I know you feel obligated because you're a guy and all that societal pressure and everything, but you're 15.

1:13:59 Caller Yeah.

1:14:00 Adam You're not comfortable. That's all right.

1:14:03 Caller All right.

1:14:04 Adam You like the ladies though, right?

1:14:05 Caller Of course. All right.

1:14:09 Drew All right.

1:14:09 Adam And she may be a little nutty, too, Casey.

1:14:12 Caller Yeah, she probably is.

1:14:13 Drew Yeah.

1:14:13 Adam You kind of getting that vibe? Are you getting that vibe from her?

1:14:17 Caller Yeah, she's like a little out there.

1:14:20 Adam Yeah. And then the problem is, is once you have sex, you're really locked in. Yeah. It's sort of the difference between somebody telling you about time share and you actually going out and sitting down and getting into that meeting room at the Holiday Inn and them shutting the door. Now you're in. Now you can't escape. Didn't you do that, Drew? You know what I mean? The time you should have kept walking is when the guy talked to you initially about it out on the street or over the phone. That's when you should have kept walking. But you went down there to get that free TV set, didn't you, Drew? And now you're trapped.

1:14:56 Drew That's awful.

1:14:59 Evan Handler You guys have a language all your own.

1:15:01 Adam Drew, what is it? No, seriously, Drew did some time share. He got hooked into something. What was that?

1:15:06 Drew It was something down at the Aviara down in the Carlsbad. And my wife said, oh, you get two free nights at the Four Seasons. You got to go down there. Oh, no. It ruined my whole vacation. It was the most painful, awful experience I've ever had.

1:15:19 Adam Really?

1:15:20 Drew Awful.

1:15:21 Adam Well, what do you want? They're going to give you two free nights.

1:15:23 Drew Hey, it's just awful. They shouldn't allow a guest at a hotel that those kind of guys are praying on you. Right. They never went back to that place because of that thing.

1:15:32 Adam Did you get you two free nights?

1:15:35 Drew I'm sure she did.

1:15:36 Adam Yeah. She went with her boyfriend or?

1:15:39 Drew She did.

1:15:39 Evan Handler You had no part of it.

1:15:40 Adam You didn't go, did you? Yeah, but Drew, when your wife hears about any kind of free travel, something, her eyes go around like a pinwheel.

1:15:47 Drew Yeah, she's in.

1:15:48 Caller Yeah. Right.

1:15:49 Drew Anything.

1:15:50 Adam Yeah, she'd walk to Phoenix to get a comp on a four-star hotel room.

1:15:55 Caller Right. Absolutely.

1:15:56 Evan Handler In other words, the message is that our last color should be smarter than Drew's wife.

1:15:59 Adam That's right. But not as pretty. Maria?

1:16:03 Caller Yeah.

1:16:04 Adam Is she listening, you think?

1:16:05 Caller Okay, good.

1:16:06 Adam Maria, you're 15.

1:16:07 Caller Yeah.

1:16:07 Caller What's up?

1:16:09 Caller Well, okay, so I really like this guy or I don't know if I love him or whatever, but I'm kind of nervous, sorry.

1:16:15 Adam That's all right.

1:16:18 Caller I met him last year. We sort of were messing around and he, sorry, my phone kind of sucks. And so I met him last year and we sort of started messing around and he had just broken up with his girlfriend. And then at his prom, he got back together with his girlfriend and he's been with her ever since.

1:16:35 Drew How old is this guy?

1:16:37 Caller He's 16. He's almost, oh no, he's 17 now.

1:16:40 Drew And you're 15?

1:16:41 Caller Yeah.

1:16:42 Drew And he's with a girlfriend?

1:16:43 Caller Yeah.

1:16:43 Drew All right, what's the question?

1:16:45 Caller Well, I've had sex with him twice.

1:16:47 Drew While he was with his girlfriend?

1:16:49 Caller Yeah.

1:16:49 Drew Oh boy.

1:16:50 Caller And he says he loves both of us, but I don't really know if he's kind of like, I can have my cake and eat it too.

1:16:56 Drew Yes, he is that, absolutely.

1:16:57 Adam Maria, when he said he loved both of you, he meant his old girlfriend and his penis, not the both of you.

1:17:04 Caller Okay.

1:17:05 Adam You may have misinterpreted that.

1:17:06 Drew And if you want to know what he would do to you, if you were his girlfriend?

1:17:09 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:17:10 Drew Take a look at it.

1:17:11 Caller Yeah.

1:17:11 Adam All right. What is up with you? God, I want to kill this guy. He's banging two chicks in high school. I want to kill him. You didn't give him any oral sex, did you?

1:17:21 Caller Yeah.

1:17:22 Adam Oh, son of a bitch. Sorry. I can't stand hearing those stories.

1:17:26 Caller Sorry. By the way, you guys are great. I think you guys are hysterical. You make me laugh so hard.

1:17:31 Adam Oh, what I didn't endure in high school sexually. Nothing. I had to put lipstick on my hand. You understand? So the senior wences went down on me.

1:17:44 Evan Handler So no wonder you're advising the last time not to have sex with the ex-girlfriend. You don't want anybody in high school to have sex because you didn't.

1:17:50 Adam That's right. I'd say to my hand when I was done, it's all right.

1:17:53 Caller It's not so good.

1:18:06 Evan Handler I just want to know who else is home that you're whispering on. Are you like hiding in the attic talking to us on the phone?

1:18:10 Caller I'm in my room.

1:18:11 Evan Handler Everyone is like in the living room right outside.

1:18:13 Adam Anne Frank.

1:18:15 Caller My dad's in the kitchen right now.

1:18:16 Adam All right. Having a heart attack? Yeah. Okay. All right. So listen, we don't like this guy. Don't have sex with him. Find a good guy.

1:18:26 Drew All right.

1:18:27 Adam All right.

1:18:27 Evan Handler And make sure he's out of high school. Otherwise Adam will have a hard time with it.

1:18:31 Adam That's right.

1:18:32 Drew I wonder if our listeners can appreciate the Senor Owens'...

1:18:35 Adam I don't think so.

1:18:35 Drew The full imagery of the Senor Owens' reference.

1:18:38 Adam I couldn't see that they would.

1:18:39 Drew I have to include them in this. The guy that used to have a turn his hand, the space between your index finger and your thumb into a little mouth, and put like a dress under it and have it talking. It was a Mexican accent, a seriously racist accent of some kind, a very sort of disparaging character.

1:18:55 Adam Was he a Hispanic guy? No.

1:19:01 Drew It's sort of like a Baba Louie character. Quick draw.

1:19:04 Adam I'll do the thinning around here. All right. Where are we going here, Drew?

1:19:11 Caller Yeah.

1:19:11 Adam You're 27.

1:19:12 Caller Yeah.

1:19:12 Caller 27. I've been in recovery for about two and a half years.

1:19:16 Caller Congratulations.

1:19:17 Caller Working on mental health, went to therapy, go to AA meetings at least five times a week.

1:19:22 Drew Fabulous.

1:19:22 Caller Jogging.

1:19:24 Drew You're in.

1:19:24 Caller Taking nutritional juices, everything.

1:19:27 Drew This is the point at which you become self-sustaining. You feel better all the time, you keep doing it, you feel better.

1:19:31 Caller Definitely.

1:19:32 Adam You'll implode in a few weeks.

1:19:33 Evan Handler You're not making me feel very good about myself. Jogging.

1:19:36 Adam He's drinking pews.

1:19:37 Caller Yeah. It seems like the women that I'm attracting though are still sick. You know, like either control freaks or just, you know, low self-esteem.

1:19:48 Drew So you're either getting co's or other addicts, right?

1:19:50 Adam What's that?

1:19:51 Drew You're either getting co's or other addicts.

1:19:53 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:19:55 Drew Maybe it's just sort of where you're hanging out. Maybe you ought to get out a little bit, find some other hobbies.

1:20:00 Caller Okay.

1:20:02 Adam Isn't that kind of the last thing that goes, though?

1:20:04 Drew Yes.

1:20:05 Adam I mean, yes.

1:20:06 Drew That may never go.

1:20:07 Adam You beat your substance addiction. You put down your cigarettes. You pick up the juice bottle. You get everything together. But man, this thing is dug in deeper than anything else.

1:20:17 Drew There are some fundamental aspects of self that are still in place that are going to make you attracted to and attractive to not so healthy people. But you're in a place where you should be able to make conscious choices about not engaging in those relationships and about exploring sort of new ways of experiencing yourself personally. But part of that means meeting new kinds of people in new environments. As you get healthier, you will attract healthier people.

1:20:41 Adam All right. We're going to go into another break here. Evan Handler is our guest from It's Like You Know, ABC, 8.30 Wednesday nights. Good show. Smart show. Before we go to break, we'll just check in with Dawn here.

1:20:55 Caller Hey, how you guys doing?

1:20:57 Adam Good. You're 20. You heard me say that all women that have nipple piercings are sluts.

1:21:03 Caller Yeah. And I just been calling for all the girls out there because I have one.

1:21:06 Drew Hold on a second.

1:21:07 Adam Hold on.

1:21:07 Drew Hold on.

1:21:08 Adam You beg to differ though, right?

1:21:09 Caller Yes. I very much beg to differ.

1:21:10 Drew Hold on a second.

1:21:11 Adam All right. Hold on a second.

1:21:12 Drew Did you actually say that?

1:21:15 Adam I certainly implied it. And if I didn't say it, I meant it. So I will cop to that. We'll argue about that after the break. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Evan Handler is our guest tonight. He's from It's Like You Know. That's Wednesday nights now, 8.30 on ABC. Used to be Tuesday nights. And a good show. Interesting show and a well-written show. The only thing that bothers me about the sitcom and all sitcoms is-

1:22:23 Evan Handler I'm dying to hear this.

1:22:24 Adam People say very funny things, and nobody ever laughs. It's much like doing a radio show with Drew. Well maybe it is like life. I don't know.

1:22:32 Drew In sitcoms, they say very funny things.

1:22:34 Adam Alright, why is that? Shut Drew's mic off. That's something they don't do in sitcoms. It's always distracting to me when somebody says something amazingly witty and the room just sort of stands there, then no one ever breaks up. And I'd be like, Hey, that's pretty good. Have you ever said that before?

1:22:50 Evan Handler Oh, you mean the other characters never laugh?

1:22:52 Adam The characters don't laugh. The audience laughs too much, but the characters never seem to acknowledge somebody saying something that's amazingly funny, bright, witty or what have you.

1:23:03 Evan Handler You could be on to a brand new prototype here.

1:23:05 Adam Adam. Yeah. Where the characters on the show laugh at.

1:23:10 Evan Handler They just make each other laugh.

1:23:12 Adam Right. No audience.

1:23:13 Evan Handler The audience sits and stares.

1:23:15 Adam I also like it when the real precocious six-year-old kids say things that only people in their 60s would say, and no one seems to react to that either. They just sit there and drink that in. But that, that you will not find on that. It's like, you know. Don?

1:23:30 Caller Yes.

1:23:31 Adam You're 20.

1:23:32 Caller Yes.

1:23:32 Adam What's up? Oh yeah, that's right. You're mad because I said all women with nipple piercings were sluts.

1:23:38 Caller I'm just calling in defense of all of the non-sloody girls who have chosen to be pierced.

1:23:43 Adam All three of you throughout North America?

1:23:45 Caller Yeah, all three of us. No, but I've been listening to you guys for a while and every time it comes up you always say something like you picture them being dragged around the apartment by it or something.

1:23:55 Drew I don't think we've ever said that.

1:23:57 Adam I don't think I've said that.

1:23:58 Caller No, you have, I promise, because me and my friends have listened to it and they told me I had to call in because I was always bringing that up.

1:24:06 Drew I think we said that about men with nipple rings.

1:24:09 Caller What?

1:24:10 Drew I think we said something like that to the men with nipple rings.

1:24:12 Caller No, it was about a girl.

1:24:14 Caller All right.

1:24:15 Drew We don't know what the hell to say through the course of time.

1:24:17 Adam Listen, I got to sit here and talk for two hours every goddamn night. You think I pay attention to what I'm saying?

1:24:22 Caller Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Now, that made sense.

1:24:28 Drew Thank you for that drop.

1:24:30 Adam Anderson, scoring for a change. All right. So, Don, what do you want from me?

1:24:37 Caller I just want to know that there are a few of us out there who are pierced that are not slutty.

1:24:41 Drew So, you're a virgin?

1:24:42 Caller No.

1:24:43 Caller Oh, wait a minute.

1:24:44 Adam I'm saying...

1:24:45 Evan Handler And you have a problem with being dragged around your apartment by your nipple ring?

1:24:48 Drew Wait a minute. Maybe we have to find out terms.

1:24:49 Caller I've been dragged around my apartment by my nipple ring.

1:24:51 Drew What does slutty mean, just so I understand what that means?

1:24:53 Caller Permiscuous.

1:24:55 Drew So, what does that mean to you?

1:24:56 Caller What does that mean to me? That I've been with two people and I've never cheated on anybody.

1:25:00 Drew No, but what does promiscuous mean, just so I understand?

1:25:02 Caller What does promiscuous mean?

1:25:03 Drew Meaning more than?

1:25:05 Caller More than one.

1:25:06 Adam Well, you've been with two people.

1:25:07 Caller I've been with two people.

1:25:10 Caller Okay.

1:25:11 Adam Hey, Don.

1:25:12 Caller Promiscuous is more than one at the same time.

1:25:14 Adam I'm smelling some junior college. Pardon me? Junior college?

1:25:18 Caller Junior college, yes, and the first therapy.

1:25:21 Adam All right. That's going to work out. All right, Don. You keep going. Don't get anything else pierced.

1:25:27 Caller No, no more.

1:25:28 Adam All right. And listen, if you don't graduate junior college in the next eight years, I want you to drop out.

1:25:34 Caller All right.

1:25:34 Adam All right. Listen, and the reason I know about junior college is I attempted to go to junior college for a short period of my life. And it's really it's not the only part that's a misnomer about junior college is the word college. It should not be involved with it. It should be called junior school. You know what I mean? It's not fair to call it college. It's not fair to the people who go to college to call it college. Is it? I mean, the people go to real college, even the folks who go to like bartending college or a barber college or beauty college. Those folks are offended by the word college being in front of or behind the word junior. Where are we? Sandra?

1:26:09 Caller Yeah.

1:26:09 Adam You're 24?

1:26:10 Caller Yeah.

1:26:11 Adam What's up?

1:26:12 Caller Um, I don't really know if this is normal, but I really like gay men's porn.

1:26:21 Adam And, yeah?

1:26:23 Caller And I'm straight.

1:26:24 Adam Right. But that's just more penis for you, right?

1:26:28 Caller I guess. But I mean, like, whenever I tell like a boyfriend or whatever, they usually get creeped out, which I figure is normal.

1:26:35 Adam But what what act do you specifically enjoy in the gay porn?

1:26:40 Caller The penetration.

1:26:43 Adam Oh, yeah. Wow. And and do you have some gay porn?

1:26:51 Caller What do you mean?

1:26:52 Drew Do you own it?

1:26:54 Caller Do I own any? No, I rent.

1:26:56 Adam What do you mean? What are some titles that you enjoy? It's always gets funny.

1:27:03 Evan Handler Do you have any there with you now?

1:27:05 Caller No, you don't know.

1:27:07 Adam What do you what do you what do you rent? Do you know some of the titles?

1:27:10 Caller No, not really.

1:27:11 Adam I just like because well, my latest boyfriend, like it's always great radio, by the way, when you try to pursue anything that might be humorous with one of our listeners, isn't it? You go you chase your tail for about ten minutes and then you end up with not really?

1:27:25 Caller Um, like my current boyfriend...

1:27:28 Adam Sandra, hold on a second. You cannot remember one title of one gay movie that you've rented?

1:27:33 Caller Generally, the ones that I rent when I'm with my boyfriend and stuff, it's like got multiple different things in them. Like there's women having sex with men and there's women having sex with women and there's men having sex with men and I enjoy the men having sex with men parts the most.

1:27:51 Adam You get the Neapolitan is what she said.

1:27:53 Caller Right.

1:27:54 Adam Okay. She's a politan. We call that the rocky road.

1:27:59 Caller What?

1:28:01 Adam Alright. Alright. So, Sandra, you like that. I is there anything else in your life sexually that is would be considered deviant?

1:28:12 Caller No.

1:28:13 Adam No.

1:28:13 Caller Alright.

1:28:13 Adam That's your personal preference. I think that's fine. Guys like watching lesbians for for some reason women don't enjoy watching a man on men, but a small percentage do, I guess.

1:28:25 Caller And that sounds alright.

1:28:26 Caller It's normal. It's not like...

1:28:28 Drew And I don't think the guys get creeped out at you. I think they had creeped out that they have to buy this for you and they're going to be involved with it with you. And they don't like that. That probably makes them uncomfortable.

1:28:37 Adam I would really I'd really rather watch a rusty sprinkler key being removed from someone's abdomen than gay porn. I it really disturbs me. I I really I and you know, I don't have delicate sensibilities.

1:28:52 Evan Handler Does it disturb you more than women with small breasts? Or or less than women with small breasts?

1:28:57 Adam Let's look at that. Why is that the guy was flat tested?

1:29:00 Caller I think it would really.

1:29:01 Drew Why is it so difficult for heterosexual men to even like approach?

1:29:06 Adam Okay.

1:29:06 Drew So you know, I mean, why is that so bothersome to men?

1:29:08 Evan Handler I don't know. Well, I think they're horrified and terrified that they'll actually get aroused by it.

1:29:12 Adam I I know that sounds mature and everything.

1:29:16 Drew So maybe that way.

1:29:17 Adam I I've been straight my whole life except for a four year period in between 1979 and 1983. And I'm really not interested in guys. I just couldn't be less interested in them physically. I love guys and I wish I was gay. I really truly do because I love spending time with guys. I love hanging out with guys. And I'm always looking for another excuse to hang out with a guy rather than a woman. But blowing that guys where I draw the line. And I'm just not physically interested in guys.

1:29:49 Drew But why is it so mind-warping? Why is it so impossible to conceive of?

1:29:52 Adam I find it just repugnant. And I don't know why because I don't mind a straight porn and I don't mind a...

1:30:01 Drew You're into stump porn and all kinds of weird stuff.

1:30:03 Adam Don't knock stump porn until you've tried it. I don't mind a rare steak. I'm not grossed out that easily. I'm really not.

1:30:13 Caller So what is it about this?

1:30:14 Adam I don't know. It seems very...

1:30:18 Drew You know maybe why we idealize women so much that any act that doesn't include them is like oof.

1:30:24 Adam All I know is I've said this many times. I want a barrier in the porn store between the straight porn and the gay porn because I can just walk along that aisle and I am fixed. I'm locked on to the porn and I keep walking and I keep drifting and I keep drifting and I'm looking into the Asian and the Big Bust and the amateur video and all of a sudden I've drifted into the gay section but I'm not aware of it yet because I'm still seeing a lot of penis and flesh and sweat and then I examine it a little closer and I see it and then I'm ruined at that point after run screaming for the therapist office. I don't even get my car.

1:31:01 Evan Handler I think maybe when you get to the therapist office you don't stay long enough. That's what I should do. Yeah I think so.

1:31:07 Adam I'm going to extend it to 20 minutes next time. Evan is right. We'll take a break.

1:31:13 Evan Handler Bye-bye.

1:31:16 Caller Loveline will be right back. Loveline was brought to you by CarToys.

1:31:48 Adam There you go. Evan Handler, thank you very much for coming in.

1:31:51 Caller My pleasure.

1:31:52 Adam It's Like You Know, Wednesday night, 8.30, ABC.

1:31:57 Caller Do watch it. It's a good show. Thanks for coming in.

1:31:59 Adam We had a good time with you.

1:32:01 Evan Handler It wasn't an abnormal amount of pleasure I had. It was my pleasure.

1:32:05 Adam Say hi to Jennifer for me.

1:32:07 Evan Handler I certainly will.

1:32:08 Caller You know what I mean.

1:32:09 Adam All right.

1:32:10 Caller My stern but groovy master.

1:32:11 Evan Handler My stern but groovy master. I'm gonna have to remember that one. Is that right, Adam?

1:32:16 Caller It's not so good.

1:32:18 Adam Until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Well now.

1:32:24 Caller This has been Loveline. The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, the management, sponsors or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins Engel. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Monday, November 29, 1999