Episode 1000754887231

11:22 Oh dude, how do you do it?

15:00 Voiceover Loveline, Loveline, Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Now, here's Loveline, The 1-800-LOVE-191 with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla.

15:14 Voiceover What are you insane?

15:16 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Next week we got Donny Osmond and Dave Navarro coming in here, Our Lady Peace and a few other people. Tonight, we have some of the cast and some of the, well, one of the directors, the only director of Being John Malkovich. That would be Spike Jones and Orson Bean and Catherine Keener in here tonight. Now, before we get started on this, I was saying this last night, I was watching, I guess it's still called At the Movies, the Roger Ebert thing and Sunday night, he was just raving about this movie. He said he thought it was going to be up there for the best picture of the year. I guess you guys saw that. Lean up, speak into the mics. Did you see that Sunday night?

16:18 Guest No, I heard about it though, but this is Spike and I heard about it, but I don't know, that's pretty interesting.

16:24 Guest I saw it, I see everything for him.

16:26 Adam Yes, Orson, and was that not a rave?

16:29 Guest It was a rave, the man had to be carried away.

16:32 I mean, he raved.

16:33 Adam And both of them raved about it.

16:35 Guest The other guy with the beard raved too.

16:37 Guest The guy from Any Cool News.

16:40 Adam Yes, the biggest red-haired man you've ever seen in your life.

16:45 Guest Except for Bruce Valanche.

16:46 Adam Oh, I don't know, I think he could have put Bruce in him.

16:52 Guest And not impossible consideration.

16:54 Adam I don't think Bruce would have minded that, actually. We've met Bruce. Bruce described, Dr. Drew when we met Bruce Valanche, by the way, who you may know from the Hollywood Squares, he described him as Linda Tripp as Santa Claus.

17:11 Guest Bruce Valanche is the new, what was the guy that was in the middle thing in the old days, and the one who talked like that?

17:18 Drew Paul Lin.

17:19 Guest Paul Lin.

17:20 Adam Yes.

17:20 Guest And Paul Lin would always have a great thing to say. And one time, I remember they said to Paul Lin, we have a question for Paul Lin, what is a pullet? And he thought for a minute, he said, a little show of affection.

17:33 Adam Yeah, except for the writers thought for an hour before Paul Lin thought for a minute. But we don't want to give away any trade secrets. And of course, Drew and I were trying to figure out when the last time or where we knew Orson Bean from the most from our childhood, and it was to tell the truth, right? Yeah.

17:51 Guest I did that for seven years.

17:53 Adam Well, Orson is also director, a writer, a raconteur, and an actor, and so let's talk about this movie. It's in wide release, coming November 19th, and it's in a... When is that, by the way? What's the date today?

18:09 Drew 19th will be a week from Thursday.

18:10 Adam Week from Thursday.

18:11 Drew Two weeks from tomorrow.

18:12 Adam And there's already great buzz about this, and it seems like a very unlikely...

18:16 Drew No, I'm sorry. Two weeks from Friday.

18:18 Adam All right. The 19th.

18:20 Guest But it's out, also, it's already out right now in a lot of places, and it comes out in a lot of places on Friday.

18:26 Guest Are they hearing this as bad as we're hearing ourselves? Or is it just me? Do I need my pills or am I... Oh, the button. All right.

18:34 Adam You got it? Now, when, Spike, when did you become involved with this project?

18:41 Guest About, I don't know, three and a half years ago I first read it, and it was written by a guy named Charlie Kaufman, who lives somewhere near Altadena, Pasadena region.

18:55 Adam That's Drew's turf. And you're obviously, you've been doing videos and commercials and you're looking for a feature to do?

19:03 Guest Yeah.

19:04 Adam And at first when you heard the idea, were you scared of it or did you think it was bizarre?

19:10 Guest No, when I first heard the, read the script, I opened the script and said, Being John Malkovich, and I was like, oh, that's a good title. And I didn't really think it would have anything to do with John Malkovich. I just thought it was a good title. Right. Lo and behold, I got into it and I discovered that, the puppeteer finds a portal into John Malkovich and...

19:32 Adam Originally, they were going to go with Fred Grandy from The Love Boat.

19:35 Guest Being Fred Grandy?

19:36 Guest Yeah.

19:37 Adam But they thought, it's a little out of the demo.

19:40 Guest Let's do that a little.

19:42 Adam Fred turned it down. He's trying to live down that whole image. Oh, so I really have no idea what the movie is about other than it's good, it's a comedy and it's about a porthole. Well maybe I do know what it's about. There's the seventh and a half floor in an office building. A guy finds a hatch, he goes through it and when he enters that hatch, he is in John Malkovich's head, right?

20:06 Drew Yeah. Basically.

20:07 Guest It doesn't matter what it's about. You're better off not knowing what it's about. It's already going into the language. In today's New York Times, Maureen Dowd, who is probably the top political columnist in the country, makes a reference to it that Gore's support staff is as wacky as going into John Malkovich's head. I mean, it's already going into the language.

20:28 Adam And did, I guess, Malkovich, I mean, this is the way to get a big guy like that to do a movie, right? I mean, was he flattered? I mean, don't you have to be in it if your name's in the title? Could he have said, I don't want my name on the title and I'm not doing it?

20:45 Guest Well, only if he would have wanted us stalking him for the next ten years.

20:51 Drew Did he like the script when he first read it?

20:53 Guest Yeah, he thought it was really funny and thought it was smart and, you know, thought the writing was really good and thought it was hilarious.

21:00 Drew Did Charles Kaufman know John?

21:02 Guest No.

21:03 Drew Was he right about him?

21:04 Guest Was he right about him?

21:06 Drew I don't know how he was portrayed in the movie, but no, he's not.

21:08 Well, I don't know if he's right about him. I think it's just basically what he thinks that he might be like or what people think John might be like.

21:17 Adam Is he as bizarre as he seems?

21:20 Yes.

21:20 Drew Yes, he is.

21:22 Adam That's always my theory. My theory is the guys that play sort of bizarre guys and crazy guys on film are basically not acting. He is not acting, right? He's just a bizarre guy?

21:32 Guest He's the kind of a guy that could pick the homicidal maniac to kill you and your whole family. It would be John.

21:39 Adam Yeah. As a matter of fact, when there's trouble, they look for John Malkovich.

21:45 He's pretty, actually, pretty, probably as normal as he is.

21:48 Adam Really?

21:49 Yeah.

21:49 Adam Well, crazy doesn't necessarily mean you're bad or mean. It just means crazy.

21:55 Yeah, I agree.

21:56 Adam Okay, so he could just be crazy. But a nice guy.

21:59 Yeah.

21:59 Adam And you know what? I can't figure out about crazy guys, though. We always ask us about David Arquette because he's been on the show a bunch of times.

22:06 Drew And we love David.

22:07 Adam He's crazy. Yeah, he's the nicest guy in the world, but he's nuts. And he's talented, but he's nuts. And I always wonder after speaking with him, how he shows up on the set, memorizes his lines, does his scene.

22:21 Drew Plays the security guard.

22:22 Adam Plays a small town sheriff, comes back the next day, finishes the movie. How does he do it? And when you talk to him, you wonder if the guy can find the toilet in the four minutes that we have for the commercial here.

22:35 Drew I really hope that he doesn't just take this.

22:37 Adam No, he knows the way I mean this. He's nuts. What's he going to do with this information? He can't find the studio. I don't know where his car keys are.

22:45 Guest It's like Papka Cannon said about Hitler. He's not such a bad person.

22:48 Adam Right. All right. That's what I mean.

22:50 Cathy.

22:52 Hi.

22:52 Adam You're 23.

22:53 Caller Yes.

22:54 Adam What's going on?

22:55 Caller Well, first of all, thanks for taking my call. My boyfriend and I listen to your show every single night. We absolutely love it.

23:01 Adam Thanks.

23:02 Caller Yeah. No problem. Okay. I'm a receptionist at an architecture firm, and I collect calls, do the usual stuff, collect mail, and I bring it to everyone's desk. In the last several weeks, I've been catching, there are two owners, two partners at the firm, and I've caught one of them surfing the net, looking at pornography on the screen, and it just really bothers me, and I don't know what to do. It bothers me, it distracts me.

23:35 Adam In his office?

23:36 Caller In his office during office hours, and he does it when the other partner is...

23:41 Adam Well, what's he gonna do, break into his own office so he can look at some internet porn at four in the morning? Well, of course it's office hours. All right, it's his office, though.

23:50 Caller Yeah, but it's an open office. It's more like a cubicle.

23:54 Drew What is it that troubles you? What is the feeling?

23:56 Adam Does he sort of present it to you, or do you just sort of hamper upon it?

24:02 Caller Well, the first time I caught him, he quickly switched over to a drawing that he was working on.

24:12 Adam Okay. All right. Hey, Cathy.

24:15 Caller Yeah.

24:15 Adam Listen, I know we're living in a time when people aren't supposed to do anything like this, but it's his office, right?

24:21 Caller Well, it's not an office.

24:23 Adam I mean, people aren't supposed to do this. It's his business, right? It's his computer, right?

24:29 Caller Right.

24:30 Adam It's his phone. He pays rent on the place. He's not walking around in his underpants with an erection. Let him look at his porn.

24:39 Drew What is it that bothers you about it?

24:40 Adam What do you think he's going to do?

24:41 Drew What is the feeling that you get?

24:43 Caller Well, it bothers me because I'm in a workplace.

24:46 Drew What does it bother you personally? Let's stay out of the whole workplace issue.

24:49 Adam We're in a workplace right now. I like my farts half the time. Orson, you're laughing, but it's true.

24:56 Caller I won't laugh when you do it.

24:57 Adam It won't be so funny.

24:58 Drew Thank God you're not wearing jeans tonight.

24:59 Adam You lose an eyebrow. It's not going to be so funny.

25:02 Drew Kathy, what is the feeling you get? Why is this personally an issue for you?

25:08 Caller Well, it's just, you know, I have this... I can talk to him. He's my boss.

25:13 Adam No, no, no. Listen, Kathy, here's what we're asking. We talk to people that have this problem. People that don't have a specific or person... It's personal for you. Why is it personal for you? Most people wouldn't care. They'd walk in, then they'd walk back, and that'd be it. Why is this personal for you?

25:33 Caller I don't know.

25:33 Adam Yeah. You have any experience with this?

25:35 Drew Were you objectified in some way at some time in your life?

25:38 Caller No.

25:39 I've never been abused.

25:41 Caller You know, my parents are separated and...

25:43 Adam Did your dad ever hit you with a rolled up penthouse or anything?

25:49 Caller No. Thank God.

25:50 Adam All right. Are you religious?

25:54 Caller No.

25:54 Adam Are you uptight? You know, I love that, are you uptight question, because no one will admit to it, so it's great.

26:00 Caller Okay. Listen, I don't care. It's his business. Okay.

26:04 Adam There you go.

26:05 Caller You know, I agree. It is his business, but I don't think it's right. I don't feel like I have to tiptoe around.

26:11 Adam No, you don't. He turned it.

26:14 Drew He switched it off. She's right. You need to ask him to be respectful of the work environment, and he needs to be.

26:20 Caller I actually confronted the other partner, and you know what he said? He said, you know, oh, geez, you know, I can't believe he's doing this, but I don't know what to do about it, so I'm not going to do anything about it.

26:31 Adam All right. Well, that's it. Listen, you're receptionist, right? Yeah.

26:35 Caller All right.

26:36 Adam If you don't, quit. If you don't like it.

26:39 Caller Right.

26:39 Adam Okay.

26:40 Caller All right.

26:41 Adam Yes, just quit. Don't sue anybody. If you can't handle it, quit. I'm sorry for the tough love, but I'm tired of this. I really am. Everybody's got it. You know, a guy's got a poster of a chicken, a bikini hanging in his office behind his desk. He's got to take it down because somebody walked past it. I'm just tired of it. You know, you own your own business, you run your own business, you buy your computers, you buy the phones, you lease the office space, you want to look at a little porn. That's your business. The receptionist is getting 650 an hour. She doesn't like it. She's been there for three months. She can go down the street and go work somewhere else.

27:12 Guest It's not like he's showing the pony and the nun on widescreen.

27:15 Adam Right. It's not as if he's called everyone in to gather around the computer to see what he's pulled up. I agree there's limits. I don't think the guy should be turning the computer toward the hall or asking her to come in here and look at something. But if she walks in, he's looking at something and he flicks it over, it's his business.

27:33 Drew You know, there's some data on sexual harassment.

27:34 Adam And she's up tight and we can hear it in her voice.

27:36 Drew Yeah, there's something going on with her. But overt sexual harassment, it's interesting. I didn't realize this, but it has a very high probability of both people, the harasser and the harrassee, being abused sexually.

27:46 Adam Oh, really?

27:47 Drew Very high. Yeah, startling.

27:49 Adam So the people that are doing the harrassing pick out the victims.

27:52 Drew Yep.

27:53 Adam And that's where their harassment is coming from. Veronica?

27:57 Yes.

27:57 Adam You're 19.

27:58 Caller Yes.

27:59 Adam You're on with the worst in being, Spike Jonze and Catherine Keener, by the way, from Being John Malkovich.

28:04 Caller Okay.

28:05 All right.

28:06 Caller My question is, well, I'm supposed to start my period on the 18th, and it's the third I haven't. I've taken two home pregnancy tests, and they've both come out negative. And I just kind of wanted to get an educated opinion before I went to the doctor. I don't have insurance right now, and I really don't have, like, any money to spend at all.

28:22 Drew When was your last sexual encounter?

28:25 Caller About two weeks ago.

28:27 Drew And are you on any medication?

28:29 Caller No, I'm not.

28:30 Drew Nothing?

28:31 Caller I'm sorry?

28:31 Drew Nothing?

28:32 Caller No.

28:32 Drew Did you guys use any means of contraception?

28:35 Caller Condoms.

28:35 Drew Did it break?

28:36 Caller No. There have been a few times where we haven't. So I'm wondering.

28:40 Drew How about two weeks ago?

28:42 Caller We live out of town, so it comes down for the weekend mostly. We probably didn't use a condom maybe twice that weekend.

28:50 Drew Twice that weekend?

28:51 Adam Two weeks ago.

28:51 Drew All right.

28:52 Adam So the contraception. Let me clarify something when Drew asked, did you use contraception question? It's not ever in your life, or what did you use when you're in the Navy? It's two weeks ago when the guy was on top of you. Was there anything covering his penis?

29:08 Drew Or are you on the pill or something that might be?

29:10 Caller No, I'm not on the pill or anything. I'm saying most of the time we use condoms, sometimes we don't.

29:13 Drew All right. So 14 days ago was your last contact?

29:16 Caller Yes.

29:16 Drew When are you going to see the doctor?

29:18 Caller I want to go as soon as possible. Right now, I'm just kind of in a financial bind. All right.

29:22 Adam Well, can't she do a home pregnancy thing?

29:24 Drew She's done a couple.

29:25 Adam I've done a couple. I'm sure.

29:26 Drew Well, they shouldn't turn positive until around now anyway. Oh, really? It takes two weeks.

29:30 Caller Okay.

29:31 Drew I didn't know that.

29:31 Caller Because they say you can use it as soon as your first day.

29:35 Drew Yeah, two weeks. Two weeks after that section of the counter.

29:37 Caller Okay.

29:37 Adam Well, wait a minute. They don't say you can use it the first day, do they?

29:41 Caller No, they do. I have the box right here. It says you can use it as soon as your first, the first day you've missed your period. It says easy to read.

29:51 Adam Is there a disclaimer about not being responsible if you pee on your hand?

29:56 Caller No.

29:57 Adam No. Okay. Those things aren't cheap, are they?

30:00 Caller No, they're like 14, 15, 16 bucks.

30:02 Adam Jesus.

30:03 Guest I think as her penance, she should be forced to call Dr. Laura and listen to her.

30:07 Adam Yeah, that's painful. She'll straighten you out. Do what she says, not as she does.

30:13 Oh, Jesus Christ.

30:18 Adam This is the worst day of my life. And he's been working out. Drew, hold him down with a chair, would you?

30:31 Oh, David Arquette has just walked in.

30:35 Adam David Arquette has just walked into the studio.

30:38 Guest Listen, tough guy, that's just fine.

30:41 This is horrible.

30:44 This is the worst day of my life.

30:47 Caller Oh, my God.

30:49 Yeah.

30:51 Adam All right. I was explaining what a fine actor David Arquette was. At the top of the show when he walks into the studio, five minutes later.

31:00 How did I come up anyway? Because I turned on and I heard my name.

31:03 Adam What an ambush.

31:04 Guest They were comparing you to John Malkovich.

31:06 Oh, man.

31:07 Adam Don't we have a-

31:07 Drew That rocked so hard.

31:09 Everyone in the world, go see this movie.

31:10 I read this script and I was blown away beyond words.

31:15 I love marionettes and everything.

31:18 Adam And everything about this movie just touched my heart.

31:21 And it's got the greatest cast and the best director.

31:24 Don't we have any security in this building at all?

31:28 Adam Oh my god. This is bizarre.

31:31 It's kind of like being Adam Corolla.

31:33 Adam Oh my god. You know, once in a while when I'm talking about somebody, it always flashes through my mind. Maybe they're listening or someone's going to rat me out. Then I think, nah, no one listens. They're home watching TV. Oh, David, okay. So David, just let me clarify. I said he was talented, didn't I?

31:52 Guest Yes.

31:52 Adam I said he was nice.

31:54 Guest And crazy.

31:54 Adam Yeah, you, Orson Bean compared you to Hitler.

31:58 Guest Don't get him.

31:59 I don't have that hate in my heart.

32:01 Adam Oh, God bless you. Hey, when are you coming back on the show?

32:06 Hey, whenever.

32:08 Adam Oh, my God. Wow. I had, Drew, they kicked me next time I started talking about somebody. David, what were you doing? Were you out driving around?

32:17 I was driving. I flipped the station on and I heard my name. And I was like, whoa, shocked me. And then I heard the fine things you had to say about me.

32:26 Drew And then we heard it was here.

32:28 And it was just all too much.

32:29 Adam I was wrong about the part where I said you couldn't find the studio.

32:35 Guest I was wrong.

32:36 Adam Well, a fine talent. David Arquette, everybody.

32:40 Everyone go see Being John Malkovich.

32:42 Adam Amazing, amazing talent. All right. Listen, I got to, we should take a break. We'll break a few seconds early. I got to catch my breath here. And I have to, I have to hug David. So hold on a second. Veronica, you go hug him. We're good. We're good with her.

32:57 Drew Yeah.

32:58 Adam Okay.

32:58 Drew Listen, I'll close this out.

33:00 Adam Well, we'll take a break.

33:00 Drew All right.

33:01 Adam All right. We got the cast from Being John Malkovich here. David Arquette's got to kick my ass in the parking lot. I'll be right back after this.

33:08 Guest You have five seconds.

33:09 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Back in a minute.

33:40 Adam Hey, Drew, stop the outside conversation, please. The show has begun. It is Loveline, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. We have some of the cast and crew from Being John Malkovich, which would be Catherine Keener, Orson Bean, and Spike Jonze. David Arquette played the part of David Arquette in a lovely cameo. I'm trying to think of who else. I think that Jerry Seinfeld's an insane person. And anyone who's listening to me can tell him. And he knows where to find me.

34:13 Drew I thought you were going to pick one of the women you're trying to find.

34:15 Caller Oh, yeah.

34:16 Adam What was it? Natasha Henstridge. That bitch is nuts! You know where to find me. But we love her. Oh, we don't. Bring it on.

34:27 Guest We got something to say.

34:29 Adam All right. So, boy, that was interesting. For those of you who missed out on what happened, I was talking lovingly about David Arquette's insanity at the top of the show, and he burst in. And that's why you got to get your chair closer to the door, Drew, in case there's trouble. All right. Being John Malkovich will be in wide release on the 19th of November. It's already starting to spread out, I guess, in New York, Chicago, LA., all the hip places, but it's getting rave reviews.

35:00 Guest Hip places like Milwaukee.

35:02 Adam Right. Getting raves. Everything I've heard about has just been spectacular. All right. So, Drew, are you ready to go here? Jason, you're 26. What's up?

35:16 Caller I just recently got engaged, and for about the past couple months, I've been engaging in phone sex, and...

35:28 Drew That's a new thing for you?

35:29 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering if that... I know physically it's not, but is that... Am I, quote, cheating on my fiancé?

35:39 Drew No, but what's up...

35:40 Adam She would look at it as cheating.

35:41 Drew Well, she might be able to stir it by, but what is it that's compelling all this, do you think? It's something you've never done before, and all of a sudden you get engaged, and boom, you get compulsive about it.

35:51 Adam Maybe he feels a little pressure. He wants to sort of sow his wild oats over the phone.

35:56 Drew Thank you, Jason.

35:58 Adam All right. Jason? Yes.

36:01 Caller All right.

36:02 Adam Is that it?

36:03 Caller Yeah. I mean, is this a bad thing for me to be doing?

36:07 Drew It's not. I wouldn't put a value judgment on it, but it means something, and it worries me about your decision to get married that, having made that decision, you all of a sudden have feelings you can't manage.

36:17 Adam Are you dealing with the same girl over and over again, or is it a variety?

36:22 Caller It's a variety, and occasionally the same woman.

36:26 Adam How do you find the same one? You just ask for it?

36:29 Caller I can tell by the sound of their voice or the message that they're leaving on the talk line.

36:35 Adam And how's it, you know what, I've never, as big a pervert as I am and as big a fan as I am of pornography, and objectifying women, I've never called one of these numbers ever. I called a romance in espanol once just for kicks at my boss' office, just to screw with him a little bit, but I've never called one of these things. I don't really know how they work.

37:00 Caller It's not advertised as a phone sex line. It's like a Live Links type thing.

37:07 Adam But it turns into sex.

37:09 Caller Yeah, I mean, there's women on there that are like high looking for a nice guy, and then there's women that are like high looking to get off.

37:15 Guest But it all turns into managia uno, doesn't it?

37:19 Adam Right.

37:19 Caller Yes.

37:20 Adam Yeah. How long does that take you? I mean, how much money are you spending?

37:24 Caller You buy blocks of time, like 100 minutes for $49.

37:30 Adam That sounds reasonable. 100 minutes. Hold on, let me do some math there. Seventy five, eighty times. I could have myself. At least that was my high school record. I don't know what I'm at now. Probably probably mid sixties. I'd imagine. All right. Well, Jason, think what a bargainer would be for me. Jason. Yes. All right. So why don't you see if you can stop doing this then?

37:57 Drew And you're only you're 26 years old. Maybe marriage isn't something you're really ready for. Maybe you feel a little cornered by all this. Just study the feelings that are perhaps motivating you to look for this kind of an escape. But it doesn't sound like something you feel good about, something you wanted to control. And you yourself equate it with I just got engaged.

38:15 Adam Let me ask our celebrity panel a question. Now, this isn't I don't really look at this as cheating per se. But do you think it's sort of a slippery slope? Like you do the phone sex for a while and then you move on. Then you hit the massage parlor. Then you get the girlfriend, Catherine. Come on, lean up. Talking to that mic. What if your husband or your boyfriend was engaging in this? Would you look at it as cheating?

38:41 Yeah, I would.

38:42 Adam You would?

38:42 I would.

38:43 Adam Because he's having a sort of intimate experience with somebody?

38:46 Yeah, I think that. And maybe I think it might be a slippery slope kind of thing. For me, I would fear that if this were just kind of the tip of the iceberg.

38:54 Adam Well, they talk about, you know, like marijuana being a stepping stone drug. And I don't think it is. But you know what I'm saying? You get into drugs and then you just keep going with something. What about this?

39:04 Drew Yeah, but then you'd need some data out there that says, you know, somebody that uses a prostitute regularly, you look back, they all started with some phone sex lines.

39:11 Adam No, but what's your opinion?

39:13 Drew I don't think it means much.

39:16 Adam Okay, here's the question. Do you think a guy who had been talking to using phone sex regularly would be any closer to using a prostitute than a guy like yourself, for instance, who claims not to use the phone sex lines? You know what I'm saying? I'm guessing that guy would be closer. Is that the kind of guy it is, that the phone sex get him closer?

39:36 Drew I don't know. I expect it might be a little further removed from it, because it's such a sort of weird private, you know what I mean?

39:42 Adam That's interesting.

39:43 Jason, do you ever consider physically getting involved with somebody else?

39:49 Caller No.

39:49 Adam No.

39:50 Caller I mean, I haven't been like, what's your address?

39:54 Adam Well, what if one of your favorite gals asked you to meet her for a cup of coffee? Would you do that?

40:00 Caller No.

40:00 Adam You wouldn't do it?

40:02 Drew I would never do that in a million years. That's impossible? Or I wouldn't be cloned to?

40:06 Caller I don't know who this woman is. I mean...

40:09 Drew Would you ever consider seeing a prostitute?

40:11 Caller No.

40:12 Drew This is a case study of one.

40:14 Guest I think there's a larger issue. I think that if you're going to get married, you should say to yourself, I wouldn't do anything that I would be ashamed for my wife to know. Now, if he wouldn't be ashamed for his wife to know, maybe it would turn her on. But if he would be ashamed, and my hunch is he would...

40:32 Drew Or I would look at it in terms of what would hurt your wife. What would... Even just by disappointing her, Catherine is saying, Oh, this would really bother me. This is an intimate account. It would hurt me. And that becomes an attack on your wife. I just can't understand why you guys would do that.

40:48 Adam Not an attack.

40:49 Drew I swear to God.

40:50 Adam I have said to Drew many times because we travel, I'm trying to figure out a way for him to cheat, you know, because if Drew cheats, that means it's okay for everyone. That's basically my take, so I've painted these elaborate scenarios about us doing some sort of college lecture in Canada and we're in a limousine and one of the driver was a beautiful female, one to give us oral sex and we won't tell anybody when that and she dies the next day in a logging accident. Wouldn't that be all right?

41:20 Drew If you died too.

41:21 Adam And Drew says, I look at that as a personal attack on my family.

41:27 Drew My family, yes. I could not bring myself, as God as my witness. Let me tell you what it's so bizarre, I can't imagine guys who can do that.

41:35 Adam I know your wife's listening to the show.

41:36 Guest And God would be your witness too.

41:38 Adam Okay. Let me tell you where the personal attack would come in. When your wife found out, then they would attack your scrotum. That would be the personal attack.

41:45 Are you married though, Adam?

41:47 Adam No.

41:47 Oh.

41:48 Adam No.

41:48 Drew Oh, that explains it.

41:49 Adam That explains it all. Oh, by the way, I was just reminded that the season premiere, The Man Show, is on right now, 10.30, Comedy Central. When everyone do turn the radios off, immediately drop what they're doing and turn on Comedy Central and watch a fabulous man show.

42:05 Whatever.

42:06 Adam Ted?

42:07 Yes.

42:07 Adam You're 29. What's up?

42:09 Caller I have a question for one of your guests, but before I do, I'm related to one of them indirectly and one of them directly. Spike, do you remember a cousin you had in New York named Teddy?

42:19 Guest Teddy Linhart?

42:19 Caller That's me.

42:20 Guest Hey.

42:21 Caller How you doing?

42:21 Guest How's it going?

42:23 Adam The Linhart could have just been a lucky guess.

42:27 Caller I knew Spike a long time. It's great to see him and it's great success.

42:30 Guest Oh, that's cool. Where do you live?

42:31 Caller I live in Chicago.

42:32 Guest Oh, yes. I heard that. That's good.

42:35 Adam You can't get a job if you come out here, so stay there.

42:39 Caller I'm also related a cousin to one of David's band members, Gabe Callan. He's also my cousin.

42:45 Drew David.

42:46 Adam David Arquette? Really?

42:47 Drew Where is that?

42:48 Caller So somehow-

42:49 Adam That loony patient?

42:51 Caller Adam and David, I don't forget what he plays, are somehow related, possibly. I don't know how that works. Anyway.

42:57 Caller Wow.

42:59 Caller Spike.

42:59 Guest Yeah.

43:00 Caller How much arm-twisting did you have to do? How much work did you have to put into getting Malkovich to be in your film? I mean, did he say instantly, wow, this is great, let's do it? Or he said, this is way too bizarre, forget it, and you had to just keep coming back to him?

43:16 Guest No, he actually, yeah, he, as I was saying earlier, he thought it was really funny, and I think he just had to decide, it wasn't so much persuading him, I just talked about what I thought and what I wanted to do with it, but he loved all the stuff, the mean stuff, and he wanted more mean stuff. The more meaner stuff about him, the better.

43:42 Adam Did you know him before this, had you met him?

43:43 Guest No, uh-uh, but I, uh, the, uh.

43:47 Adam Did he know you? Did he know of your work?

43:50 Guest Yeah, I sent him a videotape, and, uh, and, um, you know.

43:57 Drew To us, it sounds like you sent a tape and he went and knocked on his door. I mean, how does that work?

44:04 Guest I went over and met with him in Paris, and he lives in France.

44:07 Drew Who sent that up? An agent sent that up or something?

44:09 Guest Um, yeah.

44:10 Adam Oh, he lives in France.

44:11 Guest Yeah, he lives in France, so I got to go over there.

44:13 Adam Where was the film filmed?

44:15 Guest Uh, the, uh, well, it takes place in New York City and, uh, and New Jersey Turnpike.

44:22 Adam And that's where you guys shot it?

44:23 Guest No.

44:25 Drew You don't want to ruin it for the son of a bludgeon.

44:26 Adam Oh, Vancouver. That's right.

44:28 Caller Where our hookers are.

44:30 Caller It could have just worked with any other actor, or being Jack Nicholson, or being Ed Harris. I mean, was this, do you think that?

44:37 Drew Ed Asner, was it?

44:38 Caller No.

44:39 Caller Or do you think this was, there's any way it could be interchangeable, or is there something unique about Malkovich that allowed this type of bizarre storyline to work so well?

44:49 Guest Yeah, we, uh, we always just couldn't imagine anybody else other than him. But yeah, he was the one we wanted to do it with. And have you seen it yet?

44:56 Caller No, I'm excited to go see it.

44:58 Adam What the hell kind of cousin are you, Ted?

44:59 Caller I mean, I just came out. I don't even know if it's Chicago or Scania.

45:03 Adam Alright, alright, you're lucky.

45:05 Guest You're lucky.

45:06 Adam Alright, say bye to Spike.

45:08 Caller Bye, Spike.

45:08 Guest See you. It was good to talk to you, Teddy.

45:10 Caller It was good to talk to you.

45:10 Guest Bye.

45:11 Caller Bye.

45:12 Adam Small world there. And, uh, distantly related to David Arquette as well. It's, uh, Ted said. Alright, uh, Karen.

45:21 Hello?

45:22 Adam You're fifteen. What's up?

45:23 Um, yeah, I just want to know how long, like, a climax lasted, like, if it was different for girls or guys.

45:30 Adam How, how long for, uh, for the guys?

45:33 Yeah, and the girls, like, if it was different or one was last.

45:36 Adam I've tried to time my climaxes before, but my, um, by just looking at the second hand, my hand is moving so fast, I can never, you know, quite get a beat on it. But, uh, for a guy, what is it, uh, three seconds or?

45:51 Seriously?

45:53 Adam Yeah, but there's a whole five minutes leading up to that that's really, you know, special.

45:57 Oh.

45:58 Adam Well, what about, what about women? Is, uh, Catherine?

46:04 Drew It depends on whether they're multi-orgasmic or not.

46:07 Adam Well, let's not add them up. Let's just say one session.

46:11 Drew Women, they're multi-orgasmic. Usually, the orgasms are much shorter.

46:15 Adam Well, here's, okay, well, here's an interesting question. Um, women, see, see, here's the thing. Okay, here's what I want to say. Hang on there, Karen. You're 15. Do you really need to know this? All right. Just hang on. Let me, let me just bring, figure this out. For a guy, you start the clock when, uh, the first bit of semen breaks the plane of the, uh, urethra opening there, right? Okay. That's where you start the clock and you'd finish it when the last drop came out. Right? Let's, let's, let's just say that. Okay?

46:51 Drew Thanks for that clarification.

46:52 Adam Okay. So that would be three, four, five seconds?

46:56 Drew Five, six seconds.

46:57 Adam Five, six seconds. Wait a minute. Let's, let's just, uh, let me just say, I'll tell you what five seconds is. Okay. Ready? Oh, wait a minute.

47:04 Drew It's going to be hard.

47:05 Adam Go. Oh, oh, Orson.

47:10 Drew It's about five seconds. Yeah.

47:11 Adam No, it did seem to beat. It seemed to beat longer than it could have been. I'd say three and a half, four seconds. Now, a woman, you never know because they start making that face and stuff and moving around, but you never quite know when it starts and then you kind of, you get a good idea when it's over. But I mean, it could it be, you know, it could be 30 seconds, right? But does that mean they're orgasming during the 30?

47:35 Yes.

47:35 Adam Yes.

47:36 I think so.

47:37 Adam Oh, really? You think we have done 30?

47:38 I think it's longer than, yeah.

47:40 Adam Longer than guys?

47:41 Yeah.

47:42 Adam Okay.

47:42 Guest You know, the greatest sex life in all of nature is the snail. The snail is nature's true hermaphrodite. The snail both does and is done to. And the foreplay lasts for two hours, sensuous touching of feelers. And then the actual intercourse lasts 40 minutes. And it is, if you can go out in the garden late at night and you hear these tiny little size. And the reason that the snail has this great sex life is that when God is deciding, you know, all the animal souls are called together. He says, I need lions and hands go up, king of the jungle, big yellow afro. True story. All right, says God, I need giraffes. Hands go up. Finally, he gets down to cows. All right, steady work and stuff. But what the hell? It's a steady job. Finally, he gets down to snails and all the animal snails, souls are looking at the ground. You know, no one wants to be a snail. God says, come on, I got to have some snails and the animal snails, souls don't volunteer. And finally, God says, all right, I tell you what I'm going to do. And this is why we have snails.

48:45 Adam They can get it on for 40 minutes in the tentacle.

48:49 Guest They have a member and they are the receptor and the receptee.

48:55 Adam Why do you need anybody else if you got both? It wouldn't be a bad gig. Well, so does Bruce Valencia, right, Drew, didn't we?

49:03 Drew We decided that.

49:03 Adam We decided that, yes indeed. Okay, we have the cast and director of Being John Malkovich on the Fabulous Loveline. When we come back, we will speak to Mark, who is 28, once too much sex is driving a wife nuts. He wants to know if there's any medication he can take. We'll get into that after this.

49:24 Loveline, Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew.

49:26 Guest The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

49:54 Adam It is Loveline. Catherine Keener, Spike Jonze and Orson Bean are all here from Being John Malkovich, which hits a wide release November 19th and is just getting raves. And it may be out in your town. We're not sure where you live, but you might as well check it out, or for sure it'll be out on the 19th. And I'm guessing some of the release is based on, or the width of the release on the 19th is based on the buzz and the success and the reviews that have been going on thus far. Yes.

50:28 Guest It's doing enormous.

50:29 Adam We've got a big head nod from everybody over there.

50:31 Guest It's doing huge business.

50:32 Adam I guess they could have went with the thumbs up, which is even more effective.

50:35 Guest Now the guy said, the guy from USA, said that based on the business it's doing in the medium release, it's in the smaller release, it's going to much larger this weekend and then huge the following weekend.

50:47 Adam Right.

50:47 Guest So if it wasn't doing big business, it wouldn't be doing that, because it costs a lot of money to make each print. You know, Spike, how much it costs to make a print to send to a movie theater?

50:57 Guest I think it costs $3,000.

50:59 Drew What do you mean a print? You mean the billboard?

51:01 Guest No, the actual copy of the film.

51:04 Guest It's on like six reels.

51:07 Adam Oh, I never knew that.

51:08 Drew Yeah, I never thought about that.

51:09 Adam And so when they say it's on 1,500 screens or 2,500 screens, you have to do times.

51:15 Guest That's $50,000 right there.

51:18 Drew Wow, interesting.

51:19 Adam Wow, and how many reels is it on?

51:21 Guest Six reels.

51:22 Adam And how do they change those reels while the movie's going?

51:27 Guest It's a, they have a, it's a changeover. They have two projectors side by side and there's a little dot that blinks in the upper right hand corner.

51:36 Guest If you learn to look for that dot in the upper right hand corner, if you train your eye to look for it, then you wait 15 seconds and the second one comes. And if your date hasn't noticed the first one, you say, I just get the feeling in 10 seconds, it's going to be a dot in the upper right hand corner. She's, what are you talking about? And then the dot comes. She's, my God, how did you know?

51:53 Drew Isn't it all automated though now? Now, is somebody up there changing the phone?

51:56 Guest Yes.

51:57 Adam Has it always been six reels or is this a newer thing?

52:00 Guest It depends on the length. No, ours is on six 20-minute reels.

52:06 Adam Right.

52:06 Guest And or anything under 20 minutes. And but they used to be on 10-minute reels, so it used to be twice as long. But some movies are longer, so they're on a lot more reels.

52:16 Adam I had no idea.

52:19 Drew I thought it was like on two reels.

52:20 Adam I thought it was two big reels. Well, I'm thinking of school.

52:22 Drew Yeah.

52:23 Adam You know what I mean? That was always the good one. Like I hated school. I was a horrible student. And once in a while would be film day. And so you'd see the cart roll in with the projector on it, and you'd think, oh, great, great. This is going to be great. And if you saw two reels, it was like, yes, that's it. We'll learn nothing. This is great. This is huge. But if you saw that little skimpy reel, it meant, uh-oh, we're going to have to discuss this. Yeah. All right. Mark?

52:50 Caller Hey, how's it going? Good.

52:52 Adam You're 28, and you want a lot of sex. You're driving your wife nuts. And what's the difference between what you want and what she wants?

53:02 Caller Well, it just seems like, you know, I still feel like I'm 18. I could have sex every night with her if she let me. But it's come to the point now where I'll just come home from work and I just always get the cold shoulder. I don't know if it's...

53:16 Drew What does she want?

53:18 Caller She wants, as far as I know, just to stay sleeping, you know.

53:21 Drew How often would you be comfortable for her?

53:23 Caller You know, I don't know. I've tried to ask her, and she gets real shaky about the whole thing.

53:28 Drew You guys are having some sort of major breakdown in your communication. This is not about your sex drive or her sex drive. This is about your relationship and the quality in which you're maintaining it.

53:38 Adam How old is she?

53:39 Caller She's 29.

53:41 Adam And how long have you been married?

53:42 Caller Five, going on six years.

53:43 Drew What else is going on in the relationship?

53:47 Caller I can't think of anything. I work a lot.

53:48 Adam Did something change?

53:50 Drew Kid?

53:51 Caller We have two children.

53:52 Drew When was the last one born?

53:54 Caller She was born almost three years ago.

53:56 Drew Is she feeling overwhelmed or stressed or having trouble?

53:59 Caller I don't know. I've tried to ask her questions about it, but it seems like every time I get into any subjects about it, she clams up.

54:05 Drew About it being what?

54:06 Caller About me talking about what's going on, how come things change.

54:10 Drew Give me an example of how you approach her. What would you say to her?

54:13 Caller Well, a couple of times when she said, No, no, I don't feel like it, and I've asked her, Well, why?

54:18 Drew What's the problem? No, see, no, no, no.

54:20 Adam All right.

54:21 Caller Well, hold on.

54:21 Adam Don't make this all Mark's fault.

54:23 Drew He's married. No, but it's been some advice. It's not about the sex, and you've got to take it away from that. She's going to feel objectified and unsupported and sort of demeaned by that. You've got to find out at a time when you're both calm what's going on with her. What's changed? You just talk about how you stay away from you statements. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with this? I missed the closeness we had. What can we do to reestablish that? So stay in that mode. When women shut down sex, it's because they are not having their emotional needs supported, especially in a relationship like this. And you've got to figure out, and man, we're clueless. We don't even know what the hell is going on. We just know that, hey, what's wrong with you? Why isn't this working anymore?

55:02 Adam Well, it's more like just to hold still.

55:05 Drew Which I know you've recommended many times, Adam. That's fallen on me.

55:08 I'm very excited.

55:09 Drew I'm very excited to hear that option being touted.

55:12 Adam You took the vows. Come on. Hey, Mark, but listen, has things changed with her or has it always been this way?

55:21 Caller No, it hasn't always been this way. I kind of wonder because she had a bad growing up childhood.

55:28 Drew In what way?

55:29 Caller Well, her mother and father used to fight a lot and then they ended up getting separated. Her father was an alcoholic. He still would be an alcoholic.

55:38 Drew Are you an alcoholic?

55:39 Caller No, I'm not.

55:40 Drew I mean, I drink beers occasionally, but I don't know about that. Yes, there is some of that you're going to be sort of cast in the role of her dad in many of the encounters you guys have together, but it doesn't always have to be that way if you find a calm moment and try to establish a real contact.

55:56 Caller All right.

55:56 Adam So what we're saying is for guys, sex is sex, and for women, it means a lot of other things oftentimes, I believe, and if they're not happy with the way you're acting, that's going to get shut down. Men, it doesn't really matter. I mean, the relationship can be coming undone. They're still, the libido is still intact. So you got to talk, as painful as it is.

56:21 Drew I know it's tough. That's a tough one for you, Adam.

56:23 Adam I know. You really, you actually have to talk. And the problem is, the only time the subject comes up is when he's horny and she's turning him down.

56:30 Drew Exactly.

56:31 Adam So you have to do it, I don't know, do it right after you leave church or after you've masturbated or after you've masturbated in church, like John True's known to do. You know, that basket comes around. That's what Drew and he said.

56:43 Drew This is Mike. Mike.

56:44 Guest This is one of the few shows you can talk about religion.

56:47 You're 26.

56:48 Drew Let's switch to enduring terms.

56:50 Yep.

56:50 Adam What's up?

56:52 I just have a question about the penis enlargement devices.

56:59 Is there anything bad that can happen using them?

57:02 Drew Yeah. You avoid addressing the real problems with your sense of your own self-worth.

57:06 Adam Which is scrotum size, right?

57:08 Drew No. Which is really what's driving all this. It's useless. It's worthless.

57:13 Adam Oh, wait a minute. But physically, is there any... They can suck your soul out, can't they, Drew?

57:19 Drew Some have known to, yes.

57:20 Guest I don't know.

57:21 I've just been self-conscious about it.

57:24 Drew Yeah, but it's a representation of something else.

57:26 Adam How big are you? How small are you?

57:29 Guest Average.

57:30 Adam Average.

57:31 Yeah.

57:31 Adam What's wrong with average?

57:33 I don't know.

57:34 I'm a pretty big guy, otherwise. And I just, for me, I don't know.

57:40 It just seems a little bit out of proportion, you know? Yeah.

57:43 Adam What's the size? Do you know?

57:45 Just six.

57:46 Adam Six? Not bad. That's bigger than average. We found out that the average is like 5.3 erect, by the way. So six is your head of the game.

57:57 I just look like I'm bigger than that, you know what I mean?

58:01 Adam Yeah, you got fitted with the wrong penis.

58:05 Right.

58:05 Adam Yeah, it's like a big Ford F-250 truck with wheels from a Miata on it.

58:13 I mean, don't get me wrong, it works fine.

58:15 Adam All right.

58:15 It's just, for me, I think...

58:17 Adam But do any women complain about it?

58:20 Caller No.

58:21 Adam All right, so it's your issue.

58:22 Caller Yeah.

58:23 Drew It's really a representation of your own worth is the problem. That's more what needs to be worked on.

58:27 Adam Everybody we speak to, every guy who has a small penis or is worried about his penis size, it's never really about the penis. It's more the penis becomes...

58:37 Drew A symbol of their worth, their stature.

58:38 Adam Right.

58:39 Guest And then his wife runs off with a lesbian, so she can really get satisfied.

58:44 Drew Do you want to play the John Malkovich song right now?

58:47 Adam All right.

58:48 Drew I wasn't thinking about that, but okay.

58:50 Caller I could do that.

58:51 Adam Is Anderson ready? Yeah. Drew, where did that just pop in your head there? Maybe John walked into Drew's head.

58:58 Drew Somebody entered a portal.

59:00 Adam I don't know. I really wanted to talk to Spike about him putting me in one of his films.

59:04 Drew During the break. Let's do that. During the break? All right. Here comes the song. We have just enough time to play it.

59:08 Adam All right. Is this in the movie?

59:11 Guest This is the song that Malkovich sings in the movie that a friend of mine, Mario and I remixed it a few weeks ago and took what Malkovich did and put gold on top of it.

59:24 Adam Well, let's be the judge of that.

59:29 Caller Welcome to the seven and a half floor of the Merton-Flemmer building. As you'll now be spending your workday here, it is important that you learn a bit about the history of this famous floor.

1:00:49 Guest No, well, what the fuck is going on?

1:00:52 I didn't say that, that's not me.

1:01:51 Adam Thank you. There you go. Don't scare me like that, Anderson, with the double finger point, ten seconds before the mic heats up. That is the Malkovich masterpiece remix that John listens to when he's making love. And we have the cast and director of Being John Malkovich, our guest tonight on Loveline. We'll take a quick break and we'll be back with them and you after this. All right, we got to take a quick 10-second timeout. We'll be back with more of the show in just 10 seconds.

1:02:55 This is Loveline on Radio Station.

1:03:10 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Katherine Keener, Orson Bean, and Spike Jonze are all here tonight from Being John Malkovich, which hits a wide release on November 19th and may already be in a theater near you. When we left off, were we talking about going to anybody or did I just leave that up in the air? Yes, there we go. Nikki, you're 24.

1:03:40 Caller Yeah, I first want to say that Adam, my boyfriend loves you, he idolizes you, I'm listening to you on a radio that he gave me tonight.

1:03:50 Drew What does it say about your boyfriend?

1:03:51 Adam Oh, please, hold on. Spike, are you hearing this? Spike, I know you had some heat and some buzz before this Malkovich thing, but I think you're white hot now and you're probably looking for fresh talent. I mean, seriously, I can act, I can dance, I'm a showman.

1:04:10 Drew Why don't you write a strange script about this program, saying, and you present it to John.

1:04:14 Guest What did I miss?

1:04:15 Adam I'm just saying, can you give me some kind of part in your next gig? Let me say this too, because I believe in the barter system. Here's what you get.

1:04:26 Guest Are you offering him sex? Is that what I'm hearing?

1:04:28 Adam It's going to amount to that. We will get to that, but I'm going to start with just a simple trade-out in any other filmmakers, directors, producers, listening should drink this in. I do a radio show every night, a national radio show. Imagine putting me in your film. I would talk about it on a nightly basis.

1:04:45 Drew There's no doubt about it. We wouldn't be able to stop it.

1:04:47 Adam I would fill theaters, and all I need is a little cameo, a little something. Just toss me a bone. I mean, it makes sense, right?

1:04:55 Drew Don't encourage it. I think it's fine.

1:04:57 Adam Cameron recognizes talent when she sees it. How come other people... Why do I have to think of this?

1:05:02 Drew Maybe we could just think of some bizarre story where you're like you're doing a celebrity game in the Dodger Stadium, and you get a fight with the manager, and something really bizarre happens.

1:05:10 Adam Based on truth.

1:05:11 Drew All right.

1:05:12 Adam Listen, I don't want to carry the films, Mike. I'm just saying you got other projects.

1:05:18 Guest Okay. Okay.

1:05:19 Adam I live here in town. As Orson said, I'm not above or below giving a little oral favors. If that's what it takes, that's what it takes. I mean, I'm a committed actor.

1:05:30 Guest He's a nice looking boy, Spike.

1:05:31 Adam That's right.

1:05:32 Guest All right. Will you be willing to audition?

1:05:35 Drew Yes. Wait a minute. He's heard about you.

1:05:38 Guest Right now?

1:05:38 Drew Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You've heard about his audition habits.

1:05:41 Adam Hold on.

1:05:42 Guest No.

1:05:42 Drew Come on.

1:05:43 Adam Drew, please. I'm a professional. I can audition. You want me to get under the console? Drew, can you take over the show for a minute? No problem. All right. Just keep that in mind. And again, I will talk about it on the show on a nightly basis, right, Drew? And how can people walk away from that offer? Nikki?

1:06:00 Caller Yeah.

1:06:01 Adam Okay. So what's up with you?

1:06:03 Drew That's just some of your immense talent.

1:06:04 Caller Drew.

1:06:05 Drew Yes, go ahead.

1:06:05 Adam It really does.

1:06:08 Caller No. I have a NOAA plan implanted and I had it for the full five years. And during that time, I was on my period for most of the time. Towards the last year, I started getting migraines. Five months ago, I had it removed. And I have had no period and my migraines have just increased. I was wondering if that could have affected it or...

1:06:32 Drew Yeah, it would be very hard for me to tell you precisely what the mechanism would be, though.

1:06:38 Adam How long is NOAA plant good for?

1:06:40 Drew Three or five years.

1:06:41 Caller For five years.

1:06:42 Adam Five years. And they just put it on your upper arm, inside of your upper arm, around your bicep there, just under the skin? And what is it? Is it a little sort of half triangle shape, sort of dinner bell shape? What's the shape of that thing? It looks like an AIDS ribbon.

1:07:00 Caller It's five or six small cylinders.

1:07:02 Drew Oh, sticks. Right.

1:07:03 Caller And they put it in a fan shape on your arm.

1:07:06 Adam What arm do they usually put it on?

1:07:08 Caller Well, they...

1:07:09 Adam When I'm on the dance floor, I like to feel for the NOAA plant, know if she's good to go or not.

1:07:14 Caller They do it on my left arm.

1:07:15 Adam On your left arm. Okay. Are you right-handed? Does it make a difference?

1:07:20 Caller They didn't ask that at all.

1:07:22 Adam Okay. All right. And your body just slowly absorbs these bars? Do you say there's five of them, so it's one a year or something like that? Okay.

1:07:33 Caller Yeah. And I was wondering if the headaches could be caused by withdrawal from having it take...

1:07:37 Drew I would say not from withdrawal, okay? But certainly, migraineous type phenomenon can be predisposed by hormones. In fact, if you had migraine, it's one of the relative contraindications to not being on these pills.

1:07:51 Adam How come more people aren't getting into this NOR plan?

1:07:55 Drew And hold on a sec, because it's... Well...

1:07:57 Adam Why not? You go in to the doctor's office for five minutes, you get five, six years worth of carefree humping for five minutes.

1:08:06 Drew People like to be in control of that.

1:08:08 Adam Well, but so many people end up being on the pill for five, ten years anyway. And you could just pop them out, can't you?

1:08:15 Drew Yeah, well, it's a little procedure. But hey, but listen, the other thing is you should be going back to the gynecologist to figure out why your recycling hasn't reestablished itself. And it may be whatever that hormonal state you're in, which is usually a state of excess estrogen that your ovaries are producing, may actually be perpetuating these headaches. And that certainly could be the case.

1:08:36 Adam Joanna, you're 23.

1:08:38 Caller Yes, I'm 23.

1:08:39 Adam What is up?

1:08:41 Caller I had a question for Dr. Drew. I heard someone mention that there is a clinic that exists that will help you pay for your medical bills in exchange for a community service.

1:08:53 Drew Interesting.

1:08:54 Caller So I want to know if you had any links, any places I could contact you.

1:08:59 Drew I'd be very interested to know. Why don't you send a letter to Sarah and Dr. Tim at my website at drdrew.com. They're interested in investigating stuff like this. They're trying to come up with these kinds of resources and maybe they either know something or can come up with something for you.

1:09:17 Adam Perfect. Wait a second. You have hernia surgery, so you pick up X amount of trash by the side of the freeway. How many miles for each procedure? How does that work?

1:09:28 Drew We'll have to look into that. I know nothing about this.

1:09:30 Adam That sounds ridiculous. That sounds like one of those Canadian ideas. You're not calling from Canada, are you Joanna?

1:09:36 No.

1:09:38 Adam That doesn't sound like anything I've ever heard of. It sounds alright if you can't pay and you need something done. Might as well put you to work. What do you want done?

1:09:49 Caller I need dental work done.

1:09:50 Adam Dental work?

1:09:51 Caller Really?

1:09:51 Caller drdrew.com?

1:09:55 Caller Can't you go to college or something for that?

1:09:56 Drew What about going to university and having one of the teaching facilities take a look at you?

1:10:03 Caller My school took out their dental school people like two years ago.

1:10:07 Drew No, no, but where are you living?

1:10:10 Caller San Diego.

1:10:11 Adam What school are you going to?

1:10:12 Caller UCSC.

1:10:14 Drew They don't have a dental school there?

1:10:16 Caller No.

1:10:16 Drew Anywhere in San Diego? That's interesting.

1:10:17 Adam Well, I can't go to San Diego State.

1:10:20 Drew That's interesting.

1:10:21 Adam San Diego State doesn't have one?

1:10:22 Drew No, probably the nearest one is SC or UCLA.

1:10:25 Adam Really? What are the fine citizens of San Diego? Oh, hey, listen, go over to Tijuana. You're just a stone's throw, just a couple of clicks from the border there. They do great work over there.

1:10:39 Guest We'll find you there gumming a taco.

1:10:43 Adam You swing by the pharmacy, pick up what you need on your way out. No problem. Oh my God. Drew, would you go to Tijuana and get some dental work done?

1:10:51 Drew No.

1:10:51 Adam Why not? That's right. I thought I was the racist. Why wouldn't you go to Tijuana and get the dental work done?

1:10:59 Drew I wouldn't have any medical or dental work done.

1:11:03 Adam Now you're stuttering.

1:11:04 Drew No, I wouldn't. Jesse? Because you don't know.

1:11:06 Adam You don't like the Mexican people?

1:11:07 Drew No. You think they're inferior? No. I love going to Mexico, but I want to travel with my kids down there, but I'm waiting till they're old enough that if we have to involve ourselves in the medical system, it's not a good thing.

1:11:18 Adam Well, let me ask you a hypothetical though. I know they take the siesta there. I would rather get the procedure done after the nap than, let's say, right before the nap. You know, like around 1, 1.30, when the guy was winding down, kind of, eyelids kind of sticking shut, looking to stretch out a little. I'd want the refreshed dentist. That's my take. I lived in Mexico.

1:11:39 Drew Out of it, you are after a nap sometimes.

1:11:41 Adam Well, that's true. Yeah. All right, you may have a point. I'm gonna work that out. Jesse?

1:11:46 Hello.

1:11:46 Adam You're 21.

1:11:47 Caller Yes.

1:11:48 Adam What's going on?

1:11:49 Caller Well, I just wanted to say that I saw the film and it was really incredible. And I hope that you, Spike, that none of you are surprised when the undergrads of 2000 are writing the philosophy ramifications of the film, you know, the thesis papers for...

1:12:09 Drew Where are you calling from, Jesse? What do you think the meaning is?

1:12:11 Adam Hold on, Jackie. Where are you calling from?

1:12:14 Caller I'm not really prepared to go into this. Oh, boy.

1:12:17 Adam Drew, would you shut up? Where are you calling from?

1:12:19 Caller I'm calling from New York.

1:12:20 Adam Okay.

1:12:21 Caller And it came out here at a bunch of cinemas, and it was just... It was really wonderful. Have you guys seen it yet, Adam or...?

1:12:27 Drew No, I gotta go. I haven't seen American Beauty.

1:12:29 Caller You have to go.

1:12:30 Adam No, but we do the show out of Iowa, so it hasn't come out yet. It's quiet down, everybody.

1:12:37 Drew And Tucson?

1:12:38 Adam David and I can't miss driving through Iowa.

1:12:40 Caller That was unbelievable.

1:12:41 Adam Now, we're gonna go.

1:12:43 Caller You guys will have fodder for days on Catherine Keener's role. She's just like probably in the most emasculating female role of recent films. But worth it. That's a compliment. I mean, that was an incredible role.

1:12:55 Adam You know that, the spirit in which it was intended.

1:12:59 Caller That's what I tried for.

1:13:00 Adam He meant ball breaker in the best sense of the word.

1:13:03 Guest She's such a fox. It's worth it.

1:13:05 Caller It was unbelievable.

1:13:06 Adam And what had you heard about it that got you out to see it, Jesse?

1:13:11 Basically the title.

1:13:13 Caller And that was Spike. And from the sabotage video and whatever else that he'd done. And it sounded really interesting. And John Cusack and Cameron Diaz didn't look anything like themselves in the little picture.

1:13:29 Adam God, did they frump Cameron Diaz up? That was amazing. That would be impossible to make her look anything less than beautiful. But Jesse?

1:13:37 Caller Yeah, I actually wanted to ask Spike how he hooked up with Björk for that song that had rolled at the end credits because it was a really beautiful song. What was going on? How did that happen?

1:13:48 Guest Oh, thanks. I did a video with Björk about three or four years ago. It's Oh So Quiet.

1:13:58 Adam Was that your video?

1:13:59 Guest Yeah, she's dancing.

1:14:00 Adam It was a great video in the street with the whole big band thing and it was amazing. Yeah, I loved it.

1:14:05 Drew And you can say something disparaging about Björk now, too, if you want to.

1:14:08 Adam Crazy. Björk is insane.

1:14:10 Caller Now, come on.

1:14:11 Adam She's clinically, I have papers.

1:14:13 Drew That was the first time you mentioned her without following it with that statement.

1:14:15 Adam I have paperwork that will attest to the fact that she's clinically insane. Is she not? She's insane. Spike, come on.

1:14:22 Guest No, she's not insane.

1:14:25 Adam Come on, Björk. Just nod your head. You're going to take that Björk.

1:14:28 Guest Come in here. You know where he is.

1:14:29 Adam No, she's living in Greenland or something.

1:14:32 Drew You rake your big.

1:14:33 Adam All right. Hey, Jesse?

1:14:35 Guest Yeah.

1:14:37 Adam I want to talk to Spike about Björk for a second. Okay? I'll let you go.

1:14:41 Guest Thanks a lot for seeing it.

1:14:43 Adam Where did you film that Björk video when she's running down the middle of the street?

1:14:48 Guest The city of San Fernando and San Fernando Road.

1:14:50 Adam Knew it. I grew up in North Hollywood. I grew up in the San Fernando Valley. When I saw the video, I was thinking that's local. Yeah, I know the valley. And I couldn't figure out why the street was so, why you got the whole street to yourself. But would it have anything to do with the subway or what they were building or any kind of construction project? Or did you just go close it down?

1:15:12 Guest We only had got to close it down for one shot. And the city of San Fernando wasn't happy about it.

1:15:18 Adam But not big Björk fans over there in the East Valley.

1:15:27 Drew Björk and ZZ Top, that's what they're into.

1:15:30 Adam Yeah. No. All right. Jeff, a great video. And a great song, by the way.

1:15:38 Caller I really love that.

1:15:39 Adam It doesn't make her any less nuts.

1:15:41 Drew Where have you met her? She's been on the show a couple of times over the years.

1:15:44 Adam I never met her on this show, but I saw her over at the K-Rock Morning Show, coming to Bean's show once, with some sort of battery pack hooked up to her cell, some sort of homemade dialysis thing she'd worked out. She was talking about electrodes and keeping her energy cells charged and stuff. And I just went, wow. And I've seen her interviewed a million times.

1:16:06 Drew She's insane. She's a lovely person.

1:16:10 Adam Amazing talent and a nice person, but out there, right? Would have been killed a couple hundred years ago. Her and our cat be on the same steak.

1:16:19 Drew She might have actually...

1:16:21 Guest She might have actually floated when they threw in the three with the stone.

1:16:26 Right.

1:16:27 Adam Exactly. All right. Well, thank God we're not killing our artists anymore. Jeff?

1:16:33 Yeah.

1:16:33 Adam You're 29.

1:16:34 Caller Exactly.

1:16:35 Adam What is up?

1:16:36 Caller Spike, I just want to say, Drew and Adam, you guys rock. Longtime listener, Orson, your performance was amazing. You should be nominated. Get your palm prints at The Man Chinese.

1:16:45 Guest Oh, my God.

1:16:46 Caller Totally. Catherine, your role in Maxine could only remind me of the genius work you did in the 1989 Dennis Hopper film, Backtrack. I saw a lot of truckers girl in Maxine, a lot of truckers girl. But no, the website for the film is great. The script's great.

1:17:02 The cast is great.

1:17:03 Caller The direction was great. There's no complaints. But my question for Spike is what amazes me about him is not only does he continue to work as such a great artist, but he continually reaches out to his community. And I'm speaking of course of the Torrance Community Dance Group. And I've been hearing rumors that they're going to be performing with Cirque du Soleil later in the fall. And I'm just curious if that's true. And I'm curious if they had anything to do with any of the great dance sequences in the movie. Because go Torrance, you know what I'm saying?

1:17:32 Guest Thank you very much.

1:17:35 Guest Is this another cousin of yours, Spike?

1:17:36 Caller No, no, no relation.

1:17:38 Guest No, the Torrance Community Dance Group is a dance group that I contribute to financially in Torrance.

1:17:44 Adam Torrance, Torrance are Torrance?

1:17:46 Guest Torrance, California, yeah. And I'm a philanthropist.

1:17:49 Adam Where are you from, though, originally?

1:17:52 Guest I'm from Amarillo, Illinois. And the... Amarillo, Illinois.

1:17:58 Adam How did you get hooked up with Torrance?

1:18:00 Guest I just... I just... I just... I find them interesting, the creative people and they practice out of the First Life Church on Sepulveda Boulevard in Torrance.

1:18:10 Caller Are they gonna tour with Cirque du Soleil? Is that true?

1:18:12 Guest No, I think their next upcoming gig is the Delamo Fashion Center. Really? Yeah. Really?

1:18:18 Adam Same thing.

1:18:21 Guest It's a Thanksgiving Christmas show. It'll be over the four-day weekend there.

1:18:24 Adam All right.

1:18:25 Drew South Bay is a cultural center.

1:18:26 Caller That's awesome.

1:18:27 Adam It's a mecca.

1:18:28 Caller You got to keep doing work.

1:18:29 Adam Hey, Jeff, where Malkovich may stop by, he's often seen, can be spotted.

1:18:33 Drew We're down at Beach Pier.

1:18:34 Adam He can get the hot dog on a stick over there at the Delamo Fashion Center.

1:18:38 Caller Just make sure him and our cat don't get into a fight over you, Adam.

1:18:41 Adam Oh, it's tough. It'd be difficult to figure out which one loved me more. It really would. Hey, Jeff, where are you calling from?

1:18:48 Caller Los Angeles, your hometown.

1:18:49 Adam Great. Don't come down here.

1:18:50 Caller I won't.

1:18:51 Adam Okay.

1:18:52 Guest Take it easy.

1:18:52 Caller Great movie, Spike. Great movie.

1:18:54 Guest Thanks a lot.

1:18:55 Adam Wow. He really did his homework. How did you get hooked up with Orson Bean, by the way, to do this project?

1:19:02 Guest Well, Orson Bean plays a character named Dr. Lester in the movie, who is this sweet older man who thinks of one thing only, and probably the same thing you think of mostly, Adam. Asturbation?

1:19:16 Adam Orson Bean.

1:19:17 Guest Women. Oh, right. So Dr. Lester, who is, I don't know if he's sexually frustrated or not, but he definitely thinks and talks a lot about sex.

1:19:28 Guest He has the hots for his secretary, Mary Kay Place.

1:19:30 Guest Yeah.

1:19:31 Adam And how did Orson come into this role?

1:19:34 Guest Oh, so anyways, yeah, we had this role, Dr. Lester, and we were searching high and low for the man for the job, and we were about a week away from shooting, and he was the last one we cast. We were sort of getting down to not knowing what to do, and he came in and saved the day, and just came in and read it.

1:19:50 Adam Did you just go out on a call?

1:19:52 Guest They had read every old actor in the business and couldn't cast the thing, and I happened to be on Late Night with Tom Snyder one night, and they saw it and they got me in, and I'm telling you, it was like 2.30 in the morning at the White Rose Bar when the day met the next stool starts to look pretty good because you've given up.

1:20:14 Guest I can't wait for you to see the movie because Orson is hilarious.

1:20:17 Adam Well, I'll kiss Orson's ass in advance. There's nothing worse than it was like when we had What's Her Name from Boogie Nights on here, and I was telling you, it was a disaster.

1:20:27 Drew Heather Graham.

1:20:28 Adam Heather Graham did this show. I've told this story before, but you guys will appreciate it. She was here three years ago plugging some other movie, and I asked her what else she had coming up. She said, well, there's this movie with Marky Mark and Burt Reynolds, where I play Roller Girl. And I said, this is the worst sounding idea I've ever heard in my life. Marky Mark and Burt Reynolds. This is three and a half years ago. So if you think about, you know, Burt Reynolds was coming off of Cop and a Half, and Marky Mark had just done some kind of music video or something. And I said, I don't know who your agent is, but I got to talk to him because, honey, he's driving, your career is going to the garbage can. Marky Mark, Burt Reynolds, and you're on roller skates? Yeah, it takes place in the 70s. Oh, Jesus Christ.

1:21:10 Drew It's by The Porn Industry.

1:21:11 Adam Oh, like, what are you doing, honey? And that was really one of my favorite films of the year. So anyway, I'm not going to make that same mistake with Orson. All right. I'm a huge fan of yours. The work you did in this movie was stellar.

1:21:26 Guest And this from a man who hasn't seen it.

1:21:27 Adam And I couldn't imagine anyone else playing your part. I really couldn't. Oh, wait a minute here, Drew, where are we? You got a call? Oh, Drew, you got to, oops, sorry. We'll get rid of your old papers over there because I'm looking at those ones. Austin?

1:21:41 Yeah?

1:21:41 Adam You're 15, what's up?

1:21:43 Caller Hey, how's it going? First of all, all the people that are there in the studio with you, I don't want to be the guy saying, you know, okay, but if they're on your show, I'm sure they're very talented and there you go.

1:21:54 Adam Yeah, well, they are.

1:21:55 Drew What's the question?

1:21:57 Caller My girlfriend is institutionalized. She's in the hospital. For what? For suicidal, cutting on herself.

1:22:05 Drew Okay. Anything else going on? Is she doing drugs or anything?

1:22:08 Caller Well, no, she wanted me to smoke her out one time, but, you know.

1:22:12 Drew What does that mean?

1:22:12 Caller I smoke weed with her.

1:22:14 Drew With her. So she smokes weed regularly?

1:22:15 Caller No, she doesn't.

1:22:16 Drew She doesn't do anything. You smoke weed regularly?

1:22:18 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:22:20 Drew All right. What's up?

1:22:21 Caller Okay. Well, like, she went in, like, two weeks ago, and she's supposed to be in for another two weeks, and I wanted to break up with her, you know, but I don't want her to, you know, I don't know if I should break up with her or wait till she's gotten out or...

1:22:36 Drew You were going to break up with her anyway. It's not because she's in a hospital.

1:22:39 Caller Hmm. Well, I guess I...

1:22:42 Adam Boy, there's that stoner laugh.

1:22:44 Caller No, but yeah.

1:22:45 Drew This relationship was over. Go ahead.

1:22:47 Adam Well, one month in a psychiatric hospital seems like a pretty long stay.

1:22:52 Drew Yeah, an adolescent hospital. It seems to be pretty long.

1:22:54 Guest Oh, really?

1:22:55 Caller Well, they told her that it would probably be another two weeks if she was, you know, going home.

1:23:00 Adam But she must have made a pretty serious attempt on it.

1:23:03 Caller She must have had something going on.

1:23:04 Drew But put Austin Hull for one second. We're going to talk behind your back for a second.

1:23:07 Adam Austin Stone, he can stay there. All right.

1:23:09 Drew Well, this is the point. How destabilizing is it going to be to his girlfriend for Austin the stoner boyfriend to be out of her life? You know what I'm saying?

1:23:21 Adam She'll make it.

1:23:23 Drew It may harm her and it may hurt her, but it's probably a good move in terms of her overall health and progress. So, Austin, while if the relationship is over, being honest with her now is not a bad idea because she has lots of support around her. It can really process this. This is the time to do it. Not when she gets out and decompensates again. If this relationship is really over, if you are leaving her merely because she is in a hospital, that's an unfortunate stigmatizing and I think discriminatory thing to do for somebody who has a mental illness and needs hospitalization is getting treatment. You, too, must need treatment. You are a marijuana addict. I guarantee you, God is my witness, it will catch up with you.

1:24:05 Adam Well, let me say, it's an interesting angle. My angle would be, don't freak her out while she is in the hospital. Let her recover, let her get out. But, Drew, I do actually agree with your point, which is if you are going to shoot somebody, shoot them in the OR.

1:24:21 Drew Yeah. If she gets out, you are going to shoot.

1:24:24 Adam Well, you know what I am saying? I mean, there is a bunch of people around who are sterilized. Don't do it in the alley. Right?

1:24:31 Drew Right. If your heart is going to stop, go ahead and let it stop in the cath lab, not out on the street.

1:24:35 Adam I would have, that was my next analogy, the cath lab? What the hell is that?

1:24:39 Drew It's where you are being catheterized. We have all the equipment in your heart.

1:24:43 Adam Listen, our stone listener said they are going to catch up to the cath lab. Okay, so dump her while she is in the hospital.

1:24:52 Drew If the relationship, in fact, is over, be honest and let her deal with it when she has the support to do it.

1:24:57 Adam All right. That's how she stays in for another month or so, right? Right? I mean, she is there.

1:25:02 Drew Catherine feels the pain.

1:25:04 Adam Catherine, well, what would you do? I mean, he wants to break up. I don't know. Would you break up? I mean, I would think let her get out and I, you know, as a matter of fact, I would give her another month after she got out and then break up.

1:25:17 Drew I promise you the team that's treating her will be delighted to have Austin out of her life. Yeah.

1:25:21 Adam Well, that's probably true and she has people around her.

1:25:24 Drew Yeah. The sooner and the more thoroughly she deals with reality, the better it is for her overall.

1:25:32 Adam I agree with Dr. Well, wow, you're that sad?

1:25:38 No, I just think that I'm not. Oh, yeah, I'm a little tired. But I do think that if it's going to happen anyway, it should happen when she has people around to help her through it, and not when she's out kind of on her own.

1:25:52 Adam All right. So for once, I agree with Drew.

1:25:55 Guest Catherine has a four month old baby. This is the first evening she's been able to get out and she's spending it with you two.

1:26:02 Adam God bless you Catherine. Four months. Is he or she? He. Is he doing good?

1:26:09 He's doing all right.

1:26:10 Adam Yeah. He can be on his own at four months. You're not spending the night here. Couple of hours, right?

1:26:17 I'll be home soon.

1:26:19 Adam What's he going to get into over there? It's going to be like boot up something on the internet, watch some porn or something. It's not going anywhere. He's probably sleeping, right?

1:26:27 Drew Kids get pretty advanced these days.

1:26:28 He is sleeping.

1:26:29 Adam Yeah.

1:26:30 My husband is.

1:26:32 Adam Oh, your husband's on, right? Here's why. I know I'm going to be a bad parent is because if I see a kid sleeping, I think I could probably sneak out and go down on the liquor store and come back 20 minutes later. Why not?

1:26:43 Drew Oh, my God.

1:26:44 Adam Well, they wake up, right?

1:26:45 Caller So what happens?

1:26:47 Drew Oh, my God. Yeah, they're 15. It's okay.

1:26:49 Adam Okay. All right. No, that's when I don't leave. Are you kidding? Smoking pot and going through my porno. We'll take a little break and we'll be back after this.

1:27:31 Caller It is Loveline!

1:27:33 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, Catherine Keener, Orson Bean, and Spike Jonze are all here from Being John Malkovich, which is out in wide release on November 19th and out in certain places now as we speak, and it's getting raves. And I think, or at least Roger Ebert thinks it's gonna be nominated for-

1:27:54 Drew Spike just did a magic trick, I think.

1:27:55 Adam One of the best films of the year.

1:27:56 Guest I think he did a very good one, too.

1:27:57 Drew What was it?

1:27:58 Adam I didn't see that. Go ahead, Spike.

1:27:59 Guest Visual magic is really the best thing for radio.

1:28:05 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:28:05 Guest Because you can use your imagination.

1:28:07 Adam He's rolling his sleeves up.

1:28:08 Guest Yeah, yeah.

1:28:11 Guest Look at Catherine washing him like a hawk. He's got a little handkerchief. He's waving it. A little silk handkerchief, yellow.

1:28:18 Drew Little music, Anderson.

1:28:18 Guest Yes. And now he's just poking it into his-

1:28:22 Adam Stuffed it into his right hand.

1:28:23 Guest Into his right hand, pressing it right in there. Yeah. And now he's just making sure that, and there's- It's gone.

1:28:29 Adam Oh, my God. I'm easily impressed, I got to admit. But that was pretty good. That was good. He had his sleeves rolled up. We have good lighting in here. I didn't see anything flying away. You guys have different angles on it, Spike. You didn't see anything?

1:28:43 Guest I did a whole magic show last week at my grandson's birthday. I cut a guy's arm off. I cut another person's neck tie off and then restored it. I can do 20 minutes of good stuff if you ever have a... When your kid is older, Catherine, I'll come and do a show for you.

1:29:00 Drew My kid's birthday is next Wednesday. You're welcome. You're supposed to come.

1:29:04 Adam I'm not going to that. You're pretty crazy kids. There's going to be like 60 kids at your house?

1:29:10 Drew Yes.

1:29:10 Adam No. I told you as part of the conditions of my parole, I cannot be around children for another four years. It's no big deal. No, but I'm just saying there's no way You were expected.

1:29:21 Drew I'm telling you.

1:29:22 Adam There's no way my PO is going to let me near that place.

1:29:24 Drew Don't worry. I'll put you to work anyway.

1:29:26 Adam 100 yards is the stipulation.

1:29:28 Drew You're doing carpentry. Don't worry.

1:29:29 Adam Scott?

1:29:30 Yeah, how you doing?

1:29:31 Adam You're 21.

1:29:32 Caller Yeah.

1:29:32 Adam What is that?

1:29:33 Caller You guys made a reference probably two or three weeks ago about something to along the effects of people necessarily without eating disorders usually tend to be sexually compulsive.

1:29:45 Drew I don't know. It was me who said that?

1:29:46 Caller No, no. Yeah, it was Dr. Drew. You made a comment. Somebody was talking about it.

1:29:51 Drew There is an association, but it's not usually.

1:29:54 Caller Yeah, okay. What I'm curious about is my wife. She used to be bulimic. Before we even got together, I mean, it was cool. She wasn't bulimic. We got together and developed somewhere along the lines. It's never happened since then, whatever. We tend to be pretty sexual compulsive. I just thought it was really interesting that you made that point. And I was curious where they made that connection or what?

1:30:21 Drew I see it all the time. I don't know. I realize as you're asking the question, I've not read data. And I know it's not a routine thing, but I've certainly seen plenty of cases of that.

1:30:30 Adam Well, where does the bulimia stem from? Is it a control thing? Is it a mastery thing?

1:30:35 Drew Yeah.

1:30:36 Adam And could the mastery thing have to do with man as well as yourself?

1:30:40 Drew It's more that these are primitive ways of handling overwhelming feelings. And when you don't develop...

1:30:47 Caller The bulimia is the way of...

1:30:48 Drew Yeah. When you don't have the opportunity to develop fully, developmentally, your body looks for ways to manage feelings. And this is one at its disposal. It's particularly common to people that have very intrusive parents or severe traumas in childhood.

1:31:04 Adam But what about other conditions? And their connection to sexual compulsion, such as being addicted to drugs?

1:31:12 Drew Very common.

1:31:12 Adam Very common. So, I mean, there's sort of a... You could make the connection between the sexual compulsion and a few things, right?

1:31:19 Drew Yeah, you could also say that people that have childhood sexual traumas are at higher risk of having eating disorders and are usually sexual compulsive.

1:31:27 Caller Well, I mean, common sense would tell me, like, okay, maybe the sexual compulsion would come with being, you know, not enough self-esteem, they want to feel more second-

1:31:36 Drew There's some of that, and there is, again, these sort of primitive mechanisms to try to restore a few state with another person.

1:31:43 Adam All right, well, how is it manifesting itself now, Scott?

1:31:46 Caller Okay, pretty much, here's how we pinpointed what came of it, why it developed, and the thing was, her mother, when she was young, I mean, I guess parents don't understand what they're saying to their kids, but it was strange. Her mother always put an emphasis on, you know, her weight or this or that, and the thing is she's completely beautiful, I mean...

1:32:05 Drew Scott, that is not why she has a DNA disorder.

1:32:08 Caller No, no, no, here's the thing. It's been in her mind, I mean, we have figured out that it was growing up and being basically told, her mother basically told her when she was young that she's overweight.

1:32:18 Drew No, that's not why she has a DNA disorder.

1:32:19 Adam I bet you want to revisit that one more time, Scott? Or are you just going to believe me?

1:32:23 Drew She has a DNA disorder because she has an intrusive, annihilating mom who got under her skin in all areas of her life, amongst which is she had to look perfect, be perfect, because that's what the mother needed her to be, and she never allowed her to develop as a separate whole individual.

1:32:38 Adam It's getting a little cathartic now, Drew. You want to simmer down a little? Better to have a mom who locked herself in a room and smoked pot like my mom.

1:32:44 Drew And don't freak out.

1:32:45 Adam She'll come out completely normal and adjusted. Hey, but Scott, listen to me. I don't care what her mom called her, or how she said she looked in a jumpsuit in 1974. I want to know how it's manifesting itself now.

1:32:59 Caller Oh, now it's, it's, this is gone and done with. I mean, it's never...

1:33:02 Adam No, all right. What about the sexual compulsion?

1:33:04 Caller Oh, yeah, it's all the time. It's, I mean, we're, I mean, yeah.

1:33:08 Adam Okay, listen. It's cool.

1:33:09 Caller I'm not complaining at all.

1:33:10 Adam Scott, Scott, okay, but I'm asking one last time. As far as the sexual compulsion goes, it's not like she wants to have sex with other men. It's not like she wants to make movies. She just has sex with you a lot.

1:33:22 Caller Yeah, it was just interesting to me that at one point it was made that...

1:33:25 Adam Okay.

1:33:26 Drew Common thing, common combo.

1:33:27 Adam You're fine.

1:33:28 Caller Okay, one more thing. I had a chance to see the Man Show for the first time tonight.

1:33:34 Adam Oh, yes.

1:33:35 Caller And I gotta tell you...

1:33:37 Drew It sucks.

1:33:38 Caller It's for men, definitely. It's a great show.

1:33:40 Adam Well, thank you. It's genius, Scott.

1:33:43 Caller I thought you just liked it a lot and you were always trying to promote it because you liked it.

1:33:46 Adam No, I don't like it, but...

1:33:49 Drew Adam does not promote anything that he's not associated with.

1:33:51 Caller You know, I don't know what it is.

1:33:53 Adam Except for Climato.

1:33:53 Caller I don't know if you thought this, but like you're Adam, I always pictured you as a, you know, late thirties, early forties kind of balding kind of guy, but I...

1:34:02 Adam Thank you.

1:34:03 Caller No, no, no. I'm just saying on the show, I was like, whoa, hey, Adam's a young guy.

1:34:09 Adam All right, settle down there. This is sexual compulsive, this, Scott. Thank you, Scott. I appreciate that.

1:34:15 Caller What I pictured and what I, you're nice, you're nice looking guy.

1:34:17 Adam All right, Scott, relax, relax, Scott.

1:34:19 Caller I thought you were.

1:34:20 Adam Thank you, Scott.

1:34:20 Drew All right, now, now Spike's gonna put in the movie.

1:34:22 Adam Spike, do you hear that? The camera loves me.

1:34:25 Guest They thought you were good looking?

1:34:27 Adam Yes, all of America's a buzz with my Mantenae idol good looks. And I know you like to work with these, with these guys, these Malkovich types. Sure, you gotta get a few lines in your face and a shaved head in order to be an artist, but there's nothing, you know, there are geniuses that are attractive, right, Drew?

1:34:45 Guest Grotesque.

1:34:47 Adam I have no idea what that said.

1:34:48 Drew I know it either.

1:34:49 Adam All right, listen, come on, Spike.

1:34:51 Drew Yes, yes, many geniuses are.

1:34:53 Adam Mant, thank you. You're 21. What's up?

1:34:57 Caller I just want to talk to Spike, because I went out and saw the movie Friday night, opening night. I have to say it was one of the most disturbingly brilliant movies I've seen in like years.

1:35:05 Drew Disturbing.

1:35:06 Adam Where are you calling from, Mant?

1:35:07 Caller I'm calling from Downey, LA.

1:35:09 Adam All right.

1:35:11 Caller It was hard to find, because it's like only in four places in California.

1:35:14 Drew I'm scared. A guy from Downey gets disturbed.

1:35:17 Caller What's that supposed to mean?

1:35:19 Adam Drew said it. All right. Go on and heap praise on Spike, please.

1:35:23 Caller I will. Every part was acting that was weird, seeing Lauren Bray from Dr. Queen in a role like that.

1:35:30 Caller That was a switch.

1:35:32 Caller I was just curious, how do you hook up with John Cusack? Because that was the main reason I went and saw it. He's done a lot of weird movies. I saw he was in this. I was prepared for weird. But that was something. How do you hook up with him?

1:35:43 Guest He had read the script a while ago and always wanted to do it. I think John Cusack plays an out-of-work struggling artist whose art is marionette puppetry. He's trying to succeed as a puppeteer in this hard and heavy world we have. He just identified with that role.

1:36:10 Adam He's great, he really isn't. I wouldn't even agree necessarily that he's done a ton of weird movies, but he does weird parts in roles in even more mainstream movies sometimes.

1:36:23 Caller Well, you get Gross Point Blank, he played a hitman. I mean, that's not exactly usual.

1:36:27 Adam Yeah, but what I mean is this is probably the weirdest of his movies, is it not? Or was it that it wasn't even that Summer Vacation? What was that movie where he had to fix up the boat and win the big yacht race? Better Off Dead, yeah, with Bobcat Gulfway.

1:36:44 Caller No, no, that was One Crazy Summer.

1:36:45 Adam Oh, One Crazy Summer.

1:36:47 Caller Big Cusack Freaks.

1:36:48 Adam Jesus Christ, you should be institutionalized for knowing that movie. All right, Matt, any more praise?

1:36:55 Caller No, it's just one of the few movies I've ever seen where not one single part was poorly acted, so that just props out to the whole cast.

1:37:03 Adam Thank you. I'll thank you on their behalf, or they can thank you on their behalf. Go ahead.

1:37:06 Caller Thank you. Thank you.

1:37:08 Guest Thanks for calling.

1:37:09 Caller Thanks, Matt.

1:37:09 Guest Thanks for coming to see it.

1:37:11 Adam Take care. Oh, good. I like it. We've talked about this before, Drew, there's a lot of injustice in this society of ours. But one thing that still seems to work, which is no matter how big the advertising budget is for a stinky movie, it will not succeed. Right. And conversely, no matter how small the budget is for a really good movie, you can't seem to keep it down. And I don't, it doesn't seem to hold true in any other aspect of life. But in films, and I may, there may be a hundred great masterpieces that I haven't seen and never heard of and so maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that I've seen, you know, movies where the advertising budget was, you know, millions and millions of dollars and you couldn't get people to go see that movie. Maybe they saw it for the first week, then word of mouth spread and the second week it flopped completely whereas movies, and I get the feeling this movie will be one of those, it just keeps going. It's just word of mouth. Everyone is called in, has liked it. They'll tell people and it'll just keep chugging along. And I like that. It means there's some justice. Now Spike, why don't you put me, you understand the kind of power I have with this microphone? I will dedicate, forget about it, an evening, a week to whatever movie you put me in. Do you understand?

1:38:35 Guest Do a remake of Shakes the Clown and put him in it.

1:38:38 Drew We like Shakes the Clown.

1:38:39 Adam Bobcat's a friend.

1:38:40 Guest I love Shakes the Clown.

1:38:41 Adam Don't make me pick up the phone. Well, Bob finds out about Orson's love for Shakes. Bobcat's assistant called me for the 35th time yesterday, by the way, at Loveline and I want to know which Adam it was. I remember I was always talking about this. He goes, Bobcat Goldthwait's assistant has my name in a Rolodex as Just Adam and every six months she calls and goes, Bob's having a party. Is this Adam Sandler? I go, no, this is Adam Corolla. She goes, did I say he was having a party? But then I tell her, you know, put my last name and she does it and then six months later she calls back again.

1:39:27 Caller God bless her. All right.

1:39:29 Adam We will take ourselves a little break and when we come back more of the show.

1:39:36 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:40:03 Adam We're back with more Loveline. We have Donny Osmond and Dave Navarro coming in, Our Lady Peace also in here, Bruno Campos from Jesse, the good-looking Latin guy who lives upstairs there. Tomorrow? No, that is next week. And I can't pronounce Melissa's last name. D'Souza? D'Souza? I couldn't see the rest of the D there. That from Best Man, which is, I think it's not, it'll be out Friday?

1:40:33 No, it's out. It's been out. It came out last week, I think.

1:40:36 Adam Oh, Best Man came out?

1:40:37 Two weeks ago. Yeah.

1:40:38 Guest You guys are locked in here. You don't know nothing.

1:40:40 Caller It did?

1:40:41 Adam I just...

1:40:42 Guest Best Man, yeah.

1:40:43 Adam I just talked to someone who said they were going to the premiere.

1:40:46 Guest No, no, no.

1:40:47 Adam I thought that was tonight.

1:40:48 Guest Really?

1:40:49 Adam Am I going insane? Is there another movie I'm thinking about?

1:40:52 Guest Worst Man.

1:40:53 Adam Oh, oh, oh, not The Best Man.

1:40:54 Guest Okay, okay.

1:40:56 Adam I'm thinking of The Bachelor.

1:40:59 Guest The Bachelor's coming out Friday.

1:41:00 Adam Right. Okay. Okay. Come on. I didn't smoke that much pot. That was close. Fine. The Best Man, which was like number one film a couple of weeks ago, I do believe. All right. Drew, what the hell do you want?

1:41:15 Drew Go to calls.

1:41:17 Adam That's it? I can't say who our guests are. You do it. Read the thing.

1:41:21 Drew Come on.

1:41:22 Adam Don't give me that look. I don't like that. Lean into the mic. Well, I'm explaining who's coming on the show, coming up. I'm explaining where the person's coming from. You had to stop me and get into it tomorrow night. That was your deal. I went to next week, and then you give me that guilty lean up against the mic, like I'm here telling some high school football story. No, seriously, seriously. I say who's coming up next week, right? Then you stop me and say who's coming up the next day.

1:41:52 Drew I'm afraid to say anything, because last time I said it... No, go ahead. Say it, say it.

1:41:55 Adam Well, what am I talking about?

1:41:58 Guest All of America is listening to this spat.

1:42:00 Adam That's fine. That's the best part of the show.

1:42:02 Guest It's the odd couple here.

1:42:03 Adam Seriously, Drew, what's the puss for? You want to take calls? Okay, why do you want to go into who's coming on tomorrow night, then, if you want to take calls?

1:42:12 Drew Because we skipped tomorrow night.

1:42:14 Adam Okay, you don't think I'm aware of that?

1:42:15 Drew I didn't know, because it seemed like you couldn't read it, and that's why I was offering to read it.

1:42:19 Adam Okay, all right, now you don't want to reset this show.

1:42:22 Drew The show was Spike Jonze, Orson Bean, Catherine Keener from Being Joked.

1:42:26 Adam Let's go to the calls. Michael, you're 20, what's up?

1:42:29 Caller Yeah, my girlfriend will not let me make her orgasm. Like she has told me that like she could if she let herself, but like if she would let herself but her mind tells her not to, and sometimes she'll stop me. Other times, I guess she just says her mind, she says she can't explain it, but her mind tells her she can't. And I know that she's like, she even told me that like when she's masturbating that she can make herself orgasm.

1:42:56 Adam Is this always gone on?

1:42:57 Caller Yeah.

1:42:58 Adam Okay.

1:42:59 Caller She's never orgasm with a guy.

1:43:01 Adam Yeah, I think that's an intimacy thing. Personally.

1:43:05 Drew Well, she needs to tell me, sometimes women are afraid they're going to urinate or something.

1:43:07 Caller No, see, and I asked her that, because like we've talked about it, and I asked her that, and she said, that's not it, like nothing happens.

1:43:14 Guest She'd be happy to do that.

1:43:16 Drew Sure. This is that, I don't want to give up, lose control, be completely vulnerable, those sorts of things. Adam is telling you that, and that's right. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is.

1:43:24 Caller And I think that might be part of it, but like she even had a fiance before me, so.

1:43:31 Adam She had a fiance.

1:43:32 Caller Yeah.

1:43:32 Adam And she didn't give him the orgasm, either.

1:43:34 Caller No.

1:43:35 Adam All right. Well, here's the question. Is she been abandoned? Has she had something taken away from her?

1:43:40 Caller I guess you could say she has. Like her father left when she was very young.

1:43:44 Drew All right. Well, there you go.

1:43:45 Adam And does she not have contact with him?

1:43:47 Caller No, like very rarely. And he says that he's going to keep in contact, but he never does.

1:43:52 Adam Is he sort of hurt by that, I guess?

1:43:54 Caller Yeah, very much so.

1:43:55 Adam Yeah. That could be part of it. I've run into that before. They all say that, though. Maybe they're just being kind. But women look at the orgasm as something that they are sometimes. I don't want to make a blanket statement here, but I'll go ahead anyway. Women look at the orgasm as if they're giving something away, whereas men, they can't give enough of that sperm away. I told Drew once if I could run backwards fast enough to get the sperm to come out of my penis, I would do it. It's of no use to us, this sperm. We produce billions every 10 minutes, and we can't push it through fast enough. I'm not attached to any one particular sperm that's in me, by the way. They're all expendable. Kill them all.

1:44:36 Guest And even when a guy is 90 years old, the delivery system is not as efficient, but the sperm itself is produced fresh on the hour like Dunkin Donuts.

1:44:46 Adam Right. Yeah, it's like some sort of… Yeah, Dunkin Donuts. It's like a bakery, except for the… It's just the truck doesn't drive as fast, but they're still cranking out the donuts. That's right. And women look at it as… Some of them, they bond too tightly with a guy when they have the orgasm and it becomes too intimate for them. So I'd work on that if I were you. But work that angle. Don't just focus on the…

1:45:10 Drew Mechanical.

1:45:11 Adam Mechanical orgasmic part. Jennifer?

1:45:14 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:45:14 Adam You're 22.

1:45:15 Caller What's up?

1:45:16 Caller My boyfriend is completely into anal sex and having sex the regular way, he doesn't really want to do. And if we're having sex the regular way, it's hard for him to keep it up and he has to rub my anus to basically, I guess, keep his erection.

1:45:39 Drew That's interesting.

1:45:40 Caller So, I want to know, I mean, is this a very popular thing nowadays or?

1:45:50 Adam Sure. All the kids are doing it.

1:45:52 Caller It's like Pokemon.

1:45:54 Adam That's where the name was derived from. People don't realize it.

1:45:57 Caller No, I know a lot of people think it's more about anal sex. Oh, Drew, please.

1:46:00 Adam Yeah. Here's the thing. Now, I don't trust guys that are into the back door completely. I don't mind a little dabbling, but I don't trust guys that are obsessed with it.

1:46:11 Caller Yeah, because we used to do it once in a while. It was like an intimate thing, and then it turned into like every time we had sex, that's what it had to be, or he'd get pissed off.

1:46:20 Adam What kind of guy is he otherwise?

1:46:22 Caller What's that?

1:46:22 Adam When he's not involved with the cornholing, what kind of guy is he?

1:46:27 Caller He's cool.

1:46:29 Adam Nice guy?

1:46:29 Caller Yeah.

1:46:30 Drew Not aggressive?

1:46:31 Caller No, not at all.

1:46:31 Adam Not a domineering guy?

1:46:33 Caller No.

1:46:33 Adam He's quite a gentleman.

1:46:36 Caller Well, not a gentleman, but...

1:46:38 Adam When he's not trying to get in your ass, he's a perfect gentleman. Is that what you're saying?

1:46:43 Caller Yeah.

1:46:44 Adam He's a good guy. He doesn't hit you, he doesn't raise his voice. He's not aggressive.

1:46:48 Caller No.

1:46:49 Adam And what if you tell him, listen, I don't enjoy it this way?

1:46:52 Caller Well, I tried to tell him and he got really angry.

1:46:55 Drew I thought you said he doesn't get angry aggressive.

1:46:57 Caller Well, he got angry at the fact that having anal sex bothered me. Having to have it all the time.

1:47:03 Adam I see. So he had just cause.

1:47:05 Drew Yeah, it seems hardly a reason to get aggressive with somebody. Just expressing a preference.

1:47:10 Adam Jennifer, are you sure he may not be just a little more aggressive than you're letting on?

1:47:14 Caller No, he's not. That's, that's, it just...

1:47:17 Adam Or he gets angry when you...

1:47:18 Caller When I try to tell him, you know, or that it feels uncomfortable when we're doing it, then the sex stops completely. We don't even finish.

1:47:26 Adam He gets angry at that point?

1:47:28 Caller He doesn't get like...

1:47:29 Adam Okay, Jennifer, maybe he's not the prince that you think he is.

1:47:35 Caller Oh, I know he's not a prince.

1:47:37 Adam Well, I know, but you explain to him when he's penetrating you rectally that it's hurting you or uncomfortable, you don't like it, and then he gets pissed off and stops.

1:47:47 Drew Very aggressive.

1:47:48 Adam Not a great guy.

1:47:49 Drew Maybe your sense of what aggression is is off. Maybe you don't perceive it normally. He sounds very aggressive.

1:47:56 Guest Leave him before you start walking funny.

1:47:58 Adam Yes. Listen, listen Orson, he has more backdoor experience than anybody in Hollywood. Let me tell you, that's no easy chore. There's many, many guys who are vying for the crown. Bruce Vance, we're talking about him. He's been making a run at Orson's crown for years now.

1:48:19 Guest He likes to do business with an old established firm.

1:48:22 Adam In 1979, he came this close within a breath from taking Orson's crown, but Orson fought him back one more time. All right. I always get the feeling that guys that are really, really into the backdoor are a little bit aggressive. Part of the reason they like it is because it's a little bit of a humiliating, aggressive act and their girlfriends always defend them except for lo and behold, when they can't do it, they get pissed off and get aggressive.

1:48:47 Guest I don't think I ever heard anybody sneeze on the radio before. That was good. I liked it.

1:48:51 Adam That's a personal low for Drew. He doesn't really show on the radio. We'll take a break and then we'll theoretically be back on the radio.

1:49:03 Guest Love one with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla. We'll be right back.

1:49:31 Adam All right. Well, we're out of time. Go see Orson Bean's play. He's doing it for free because he loves his craft.

1:49:37 Guest It's called The Swan, and you look under Critics Choice in the LA Times tomorrow.

1:49:41 Adam All right.

1:49:42 Guest Alex Enberg is in it, Shiva Rose, me.

1:49:45 Adam All household names are 14-year-old stone listeners that fell asleep 10 minutes ago. Catherine and Spike, thank you very much for coming in. Being John Malkovich, everyone, go out and see that, find out what the buzz is all about. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:50:00 Guest I'm grotesque.

1:50:04 Guest This has been Loveline. The views expressed on Loveline are not necessarily those of the staff, the management, or the sponsors of this radio station. And are probably not the views of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:50:15 Caller Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkin Zingold.

1:50:17 Guest Now, please listen to this station longer.

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Wednesday, November 3, 1999