Episode 1000754887160

2:20 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

2:31 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

2:33 Voiceover Loveline.

2:35 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 3108-54-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. I took a nap tonight, Drew.

2:51 Drew Oh, boy.

2:52 Adam I went down so hard that when my little buzzer, my little egg timer.

2:59 Drew You didn't know what day it was, what time of day it was.

3:01 It went off.

3:02 Adam I went to bed at about 8.40. Preparation is my middle name, if you ever listen to this show. I live about 22, 23 minutes away from the studio. So I set my alarm for 9.30. You know, I figured it would give me plenty of time to get up and make it on into the seat, and I gave myself a couple of minutes to put my shoes and my sweat pants or pajama bottoms on at least, make it in the studio. But the point is, I went to bed about 8.40. My little alarm went off at 9.30. That thing was going off. I didn't know where I was. I was just paralyzed. I was just lying there in bed and I was thinking, I got a night terror. Oh my God. Well, it's dark was my first thought. That I drank in pretty good. It's dark. Now, it could be early in the morning or maybe it's late at night. There's this buzzer going off and that buzzer seems to indicate I'm supposed to go do something, but I'm not exactly sure what it is. So, I'm going to play it safe and just sit up. Now, it's like, you know, 932. The buzzer is still going off and I'm still sort of sitting there and I'm my my my alarm clock, which I don't use. I just sort of use it like a clock. I always use my egg timer. I have a few things I really want to share with you, the listener of Loveline, because it really can help you in your life. Like these electronic egg timers. Ten bucks down at the supermarket takes one AA battery. Pow! You press in one hour, you can press in 45 minutes, you can press in 18 minutes. I've taken naps for 12 minutes. It's better, but you can't set your clock alarm, because there's no way you're going to set your clock alarm when it's 8.46 at night to go off at 9.11. You're not going to do it.

5:01 Drew Well, by the time you've done it, it's 9.02.

5:03 Adam By the time you've done it, it's time to get up. Furthermore, and it's not going to work out, because there's going to be an AM PM prom, because you had it on AM.

5:11 Drew You lie there worrying about it.

5:13 Adam So you have two options. You can lie there and wake up every two to two and a half minutes, and glance over at the clock, which doesn't really constitute a nap, because you have one eye awake, because you're constantly aware that you have to get up, or you could go, F it, I'm going down. In which case, you could wake up at 11.45 in the evening and have missed your job, whatever, whatever it is you're supposed to do. But with these little egg timers, little tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, little digital timer, 9.99, I'll set that thing for 18 minutes, I'll set that thing at 9 o'clock, when I have to leave for work at 9.25, I'll set that thing for 20 minutes, I'll go down. Pow. If that thing didn't go off, I'd be going all night. But anyway, this time I popped up, I didn't know where the hell I was. Completely out of it. I don't even need to orient. I don't even need to orient.

6:01 Drew You know where we are now?

6:04 Adam Okay. Who said that? Who said that? Are you eyeballing me? What did you do with Drew? No, I'm out of it.

6:10 Completely out of it.

6:11 Adam This is a dream. I shouldn't get paid for this part of the show because I don't remember this. The point is, I just woke up and went, I know the fact that this little box here is making a noise.

6:23 Drew It means you should get up.

6:23 Adam Put your shoes on and start heading for the door. By the time you get to your car or at least down the hill, you'll figure out which way to turn, which office to go to, where to go. I was so goddamn tired in general that I plopped down 500 bucks for a Lou Gehrig's disease benefit gala dinner event tonight. Didn't go. And by the way, everybody, that's a big deal. That's 500, that's a lot of food. That's a lot of chow. I mean, it's a charity, fine, but you know you want to go home when you bought a $500 ticket to go to some event and you went, screw it, I'm going home.

7:02 Drew But it's interesting how much your biology fits how you've been feeling.

7:06 Adam What's that?

7:06 Drew Well, last time you were complaining about how just overwhelmed and tired and you give yourself now a chance to sleep, pow, coma.

7:13 Adam Oh, it's like God hit me in the head with a giant frying pan.

7:16 Drew But it's no wonder then you're so irritable.

7:18 Adam Thank you. You mean now or in general?

7:21 Drew Well, how you've been calm.

7:22 Adam I see. Yeah. My new personality?

7:24 Drew Yeah.

7:24 Adam My new bad personality? I know.

7:26 Drew The new bad Adam. You're thinking of a bad Adam.

7:29 Adam The new bad Adam. I know. I was telling my shrink last week, I've only been an a-hole for a couple of years. I used to be a really nice guy. I was really a sweet guy. Now I'm an a-hole. But at least I know I am. All right. How big an a-hole can I be? I freely admit I'm an a-hole.

7:46 Drew But I got to interview James Toback at the drdrew.com show.

7:50 Adam No one's heard of him.

7:52 Drew He wrote Bugsy and he's the writer, producer of Black and White. He's really smart, interesting guy. I mean, you would like interviewing him. We should try to get him in if she's listening.

8:01 Adam Mike Tyson, no.

8:02 Drew Mike Tyson, no show.

8:03 Adam I'm shocked.

8:04 Drew I mean, just total AWOL. Just ready people there, his people there. Toback flies into the interview. Oops. It erupts his rhythm.

8:13 Adam Shocked.

8:14 Drew He's not in the right state of mind.

8:16 Adam I'm glad I'm not a gambling man. I would have lost millions on this. Drew, what did I say to you yesterday when you said Tyson was coming in?

8:22 Drew He'll never be there.

8:23 Yeah. He won't show up. Yeah.

8:28 Adam You're 16.

8:29 Caller Yeah.

8:30 Drew I like better what you said today was people don't disappoint.

8:33 Caller Exactly.

8:33 Drew That's the more important thing.

8:34 Adam That's all you need to know about people, everyone. They don't disappoint. I knew Tyson wouldn't show up for that interview. What's going on there, Jeff?

8:42 Caller I've been having sex with my girlfriend for about maybe six months now.

8:48 Every time I have sex with her, the condom rips.

8:51 Caller Yeah.

8:52 It's really hard to get on over the head.

8:55 Adam I see.

8:56 I was just wondering if you guys can recommend some condoms I should use.

9:00 Adam Yeah.

9:02 None of the condoms are working.

9:03 Caller All right.

9:03 Adam We'll go with those Magnum ones. They're a little bit bigger. Okay?

9:07 Caller Okay. There you go.

9:08 Drew This guy is faking some weird voice, by the way.

9:10 No, I don't smoke weed before I go to school in the morning.

9:12 Drew No, no. That was the guy just faking it.

9:14 Adam Yeah. That guy was just BSing.

9:15 Drew Yeah. Yes?

9:17 Adam You're 13?

9:18 Caller Yeah.

9:19 What's up?

9:21 Adam What are you doing?

9:23 Are you in bed?

9:25 Caller Yeah.

9:26 Adam Can I come over there? I'm going to get in the bed too.

9:29 Caller Okay. First of all, I want to say you guys are great. I've listened to you since I was nine years old.

9:33 Adam Oh, no.

9:34 Drew Jesus Christ.

9:35 Adam You could have listened to Drew's and said before you were born, by the way.

9:39 Caller I just want to say, Adam, I have heard a Loveline commercial on the radio.

9:43 Adam You what?

9:44 Caller I have heard of it.

9:45 Drew A local thing.

9:46 Adam A local one?

9:46 Caller Yes.

9:47 Adam Not MTV though?

9:48 Caller No, but on the radio I have.

9:50 Adam Yeah, for the Loveline radio show?

9:52 Caller Yeah.

9:52 Adam Okay. Yeah, that could happen. You're not in LA though, are you?

9:55 Drew No.

9:56 Caller No. No. All right.

9:59 Drew Modesto.

10:00 Caller Yeah. I have a question for Dr. Drew. Yeah. Okay. Well, on Saturday, I was making out with my boyfriend, and I felt like a little wet down there, and later I discovered that I bled a little bit, and I wasn't on my period, so I was wondering if there's something wrong with that.

10:21 Drew Not necessarily. Were you coming up on your period?

10:24 Caller No, I wasn't. I didn't get it on Sunday or today.

10:29 Drew Sometimes sexual stimulation, particularly intercourse, will stimulate some bleeding. So it's not that big a deal.

10:34 Adam But she didn't have intercourse.

10:36 Drew No, but even sexual activity sometimes a little bit.

10:39 Adam I mean, just sort of that area gets a little engorged with blood and a little...

10:46 Caller Yeah.

10:48 Adam That area is a little leaky down there, right? I mean, it's not like your finger. I mean, what I mean is you could take a rubber band, put it on your finger, sort of engorge it with blood. It's not like it would start leaking.

10:58 Drew It doesn't have a little glands around there. There's a giant gland up top, the uterus, and there's also skin glands and Bartholomew's glands and all sorts of glands around.

11:06 Adam Yeah, it's sort of like-

11:07 Drew Glands in the vaginal wall.

11:08 Adam You know when people go, like they go spelunking?

11:11 Drew Yeah.

11:11 Adam They go cave exploring and they go under the lake, and you look up, there's a little water on the top, still dripping. I mean, it's not like it's flowing down, but if there's enough of that, whatever it is above it, it'll kind of get around in there, right?

11:27 Drew Leaks through, yeah.

11:30 Adam You know, it's the difference between waterproof and water-resistant.

11:35 Drew Yes, this is water-resistant.

11:36 Adam My penis is waterproof. The vagina is water-resistant.

11:41 Drew Yes.

11:41 Adam Thank you. Jennifer? Did we just talk to you?

11:47 Drew Yes, we did.

11:47 Adam All right, true, do your job. I'm tired. Jamie? Hello? I'm not really tired, I'm just disoriented. Jamie, you're 16, what's up? Well, once again, proving I can do the show in my sleep. Actually, I'm better, more effective. Go ahead, Jamie.

12:03 Best Of Okay, I have a friend of mine, she's not bi and I am, and we got drunk, and I don't want to go into a long story, but we messed around, and now she thinks she owns me, but she doesn't say anything like that.

12:17 Drew What does she, what do you mean? She's not bi?

12:19 Adam She's the same way, he thinks he owns me, he doesn't say anything, and I know he thinks he owns me.

12:23 Drew Right, it's just my implicit attitude.

12:25 Adam That's right.

12:26 Best Of She's really protective, like she tells me, oh, don't go for him, or don't do this, don't do that, and I'm just like, I don't know what to say.

12:33 Drew Why don't you say, hey, knock it off?

12:35 Best Of Well, that's what I say, but she just seems like she's my girlfriend, she's like, she owns me.

12:40 Adam What did you do with her when you were drunk?

12:42 Best Of When I went down on her.

12:43 Drew Oh boy.

12:44 Best Of And she's so anti, she's anti, she's anti-fag, gay, anything, she's like, come on, let's move it.

12:50 Drew She's not, that's healthy.

12:52 Best Of But then I don't get it now because she doesn't act like we, she knows we did stuff and we talked about it one time, but I don't know what to say to her.

13:00 Adam Oh no, wait a minute, she's anti-gay.

13:02 Best Of Yeah, she's like anti-gay.

13:04 Adam Even though she's gay, isn't she?

13:06 Drew She has gay tendencies.

13:08 Adam Well, she's bi, right?

13:10 Best Of No, she's not.

13:12 Adam Oh, you're bi. Which one of you is bi? Oh, you're bi and she's not.

13:16 Best Of Correct.

13:17 Adam But you went down on her. Right.

13:19 Best Of Right.

13:19 Adam I see. And now she acts like she owns you.

13:22 Best Of Yeah, and I don't.

13:23 Adam That's strange.

13:25 Best Of I don't perceive anything.

13:25 Drew Well, maybe it's that she feels very, very close to her, uncomfortably close, and it's just that's the way she expresses when she feels really tight. Does she treat her boyfriend like that too?

13:34 Best Of Well, she doesn't have a boyfriend. She only had one boyfriend and I've had a lot of, not to sound like I'm all, God's getting me into anything, but I've had a lot of boyfriends and I don't treat her as if.

13:46 Adam We're not surprised by that.

13:47 Drew Yeah. Why so much confusion about your sexual identity?

13:51 Best Of What do you mean?

13:52 Adam Well, lots of boyfriends going down on your best friend, why are they acting out?

13:58 Drew Why so out of control?

14:00 Best Of I don't know. Oh, okay. I just, I thought if I don't go out with somebody or if I'm not with somebody, I feel like I'm missing out on something good.

14:09 Adam Yeah.

14:10 Best Of But then afterwards I'm like, that wasn't so great.

14:12 Drew Is your missing out on something good or you're feeling incomplete?

14:15 Best Of I think both. I think I feel incomplete and feel...

14:19 Drew And what makes you feel so incomplete? Was there a loss or...?

14:23 Best Of No, I just feel, I like when I'm not with somebody in a relationship, I like for them to be more pushy than I am. I just kind of go along with it.

14:32 Adam All right, wait a minute. Where's your dad?

14:34 Drew Yeah.

14:34 Best Of Oh, he's in the house somewhere watching TV. I don't know.

14:37 Drew There's sort of two ways to this...

14:39 Adam When you say the house, you mean the big house?

14:41 Best Of Yeah.

14:41 The jail? No.

14:42 Drew I think there's probably two ways to get back to jail. One is the eating disorder route.

14:46 Adam Yeah. Eating disorder?

14:47 Best Of Me?

14:48 Adam Yeah.

14:48 Best Of No.

14:49 Adam No.

14:49 Drew The other is sexual abuse.

14:50 Adam Any sexual abuse?

14:52 Best Of No. None at all.

14:54 What made you...

14:55 Best Of I have a question. Why do y'all always... I'm not always, but why do y'all say that a lot?

14:59 Yeah.

15:00 Adam We don't talk to too many bi or lesbian or gay young people that are sort of...

15:07 Drew Confused.

15:08 Adam Confused and doing a lot of acting out that weren't... They have something go on.

15:12 Drew Yeah.

15:12 Adam At least they call this show.

15:14 Best Of Excuse me?

15:15 Adam When did you lose your virginity?

15:16 Best Of When I was fourteen.

15:18 Adam How old was the guy?

15:19 He's sixteen, seventeen.

15:21 Adam Mm-hmm. Eighteen. Maybe. Maybe eighteen.

15:25 Drew When you say you've been with a lot of guys, how many guys have you been talking about you've been with?

15:28 Adam Like two.

15:29 Drew You've been with two guys?

15:30 Adam That's not that many guys.

15:32 Drew We stand corrected. We were imagining something a little different here.

15:35 Adam You said you were with a lot of guys without...

15:36 Best Of No, I didn't. I've had a lot of boyfriends.

15:38 Adam I understand.

15:40 Drew She's just exploring. When people talk about exploration, oh, they're just exploring. This is what this probably is. She's just a little out of control, probably even a little depressed, and doing things that one day she'll look back and go, oh, jeez, what was I up to?

15:55 Adam Yeah. Well, we don't get a lot of true explorers, but this is a real Ponce de Leon here. She means it.

16:01 Drew But it's how she acts around her friend. Just be honest.

16:04 Adam Maybe her friend has some feelings.

16:06 Drew Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

16:08 Adam I mean, she let her go down on her, and now she's sort of protective and controlling. Maybe her friend has some feelings for her.

16:15 Drew Not as though, I don't think that she'd want to be in a committed relationship, but she has feelings that she can't control. She feels she's responding to it, let's put it that way.

16:24 Right.

16:24 Drew You need to call her on that.

16:25 Adam Ashley?

16:26 Yeah.

16:27 Adam You're 19, what's up?

16:29 Best Of I breastfed my son for about a year and a half, and I stopped a few months ago, but I'm still lactating.

16:36 Adam My mom did me for a year and a half too. I think the problem was it was between 13 and 15. I was 13 and a half to about my 15th birthday. I never did it when I was younger. I think she felt bad about that, wanted to sort of-

16:50 Drew Make it up, sure.

16:51 Adam Make it up.

16:51 Drew Yeah. Didn't she get you a wet nurse?

16:53 Adam No, no, it was her.

16:55 Drew Interesting.

16:56 Adam She wasn't working. She had time.

16:57 Drew Okay, that makes sense.

16:58 Adam Wet nurse is not cheap. How does a wet nurse work, by the way, and what kind of gig is that? I mean, these are nurses that actually let the child breastfeed?

17:10 Drew I guess.

17:10 Adam Do they have to be pregnant themselves? Is there some sort of sympathetic milk produced? I'm around someone who's hungry, I'll produce milk.

17:21 Drew Women are really amazing, aren't they? No, I don't know how they used to do that. Some women can be stimulated to produce milk just with stimulation, but I bet they got them when they were pregnant and they just kept stimulating them so they could produce milk.

17:35 Adam This sounds like a lucrative gig if you could get work. If you're one of the better wet nurses-

17:43 Drew Better producers?

17:43 Adam In town. No end to jobs.

17:46 Drew Yeah.

17:46 Adam Do they still use this?

17:47 Drew No.

17:48 Adam When did this go out of fashion?

17:49 Drew I don't know.

17:51 Adam It was a legitimate job though, wasn't it? It was a certain period of time?

17:54 Drew It was. Well, it was. I think only special people got wet nurses.

17:58 Adam Yeah. I mean, you had to take the silver spoon out of your mouth so you could get to the rent-a-boob. But jeez, talk about one more reason to hate your mom. She farmed her boob out. I mean, got a wet nurse. Too busy.

18:15 Drew Hey Ashley, is there anything stimulating the breast at this point?

18:19 No.

18:21 Best Of I'm not expressing my milk or anything like that.

18:24 Drew You have a boyfriend?

18:26 No.

18:27 Drew Okay. Well, sometimes they actually have to... Usually it will dry up pretty quickly on its own, but sometimes they have to use a medication called bromocryptine or Parlidel to get things to shut down. Are you on any medication?

18:39 I take Klonopin as needed for panic attacks.

18:43 Drew All right. That shouldn't perpetuate the breast milk.

18:46 Best Of I have another question. Sometimes you guys say negative things about teenage parents, but I don't...

18:54 Adam Right. We always do. We're all the time, not sometimes. All the time.

18:59 Caller All the time.

18:59 Drew Yeah.

19:00 Best Of But if a person works really hard, and I think that I'm a really great mom, I work hard to go to school and take care of my son.

19:08 Drew How's dad?

19:10 Best Of Dad's fine.

19:11 Caller He's there.

19:11 Best Of We're married.

19:13 Drew Wait a minute. You said you didn't have a boyfriend.

19:15 No.

19:15 Best Of He's my husband.

19:16 Drew Okay. Does he stimulate the breast at all?

19:18 No.

19:18 Okay.

19:19 Adam Why not?

19:20 Best Of Well, he's the one that wanted me to stop breast eating.

19:23 Adam Oh, okay. Why?

19:24 He doesn't like the whole milk thing.

19:28 Adam Sounds like a real winner, this guy. What do you mean he doesn't like the whole milk thing?

19:33 He doesn't like it.

19:33 Drew He doesn't want to be receiving that.

19:37 No.

19:38 Drew He likes her, doesn't like anything produced by her.

19:40 Adam Why doesn't he just sort of stay away from that area?

19:42 Drew Adam, come on. You have all people.

19:46 Adam I could leave him alone. I just take a look at him, you know. Take care of my milk myself while I looked at her. You know what I'm saying?

19:54 Drew I'm afraid I do.

19:55 Adam Thank you. Pictures worth a thousand words, Drew. You ever hear of that?

19:59 Drew Actually you bring out an actually very interesting point. It's that they've studied teenage parents and they do better than you predict. However, what we're sort of speaking from is how difficult it is to be a parent these days and how much resource you need and holy Christ, I can't do it. I don't know how the hell it is.

20:15 Adam Yeah, Drew is screwing his kids up.

20:17 Drew Or if we even put ourselves in the role of a 17 year old and imagine ourselves at 17 trying to be a parent or 22 or 25.

20:24 Adam Well, and she's married which is a vastly different than the majority of the people or teens who call this show or anyone who calls this show. Michelle?

20:33 Hello?

20:34 Adam You're 23. What's up?

20:36 Caller Well, I became involved with a 22 year old man when I was 12 years old.

20:41 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy behavior.

20:45 Caller And I was with him until I was 18 when I left him. And I spent a long time trying to get over it and I've been in therapy.

20:57 Drew Trying to get over it.

20:58 Caller Well, no, but I've tried to work through it. And I've never really thought about pursuing like a legal suit like against him, like taking him to court. And I know I could do that now. But I don't know whether I should do that because he's supposed, well, from what I hear, I haven't seen or heard of him. I mean, I moved away from my town and everything.

21:22 Drew I have two sort of thoughts on this. One is he deserves it. I wish he would save him from other people, at least make a report. On the other hand, acting out one's anger as opposed to sort of dealing with it in the therapeutic process isn't always the best thing. Maybe you ought to just sit with your therapy for a while and see where that takes you.

21:42 Adam Well, and also, direct some of that at your own parents. I mean, for Christ's sake, I don't know what kind of parent lets their 12 year old date a 22 year old and then keep that relationship going for six years. What's up with mom and dad, or I should say mom?

21:57 Caller Well, my dad is dead.

21:59 Adam There you go, that's why I'm asking about mom.

22:02 Drew How old was dad when you, how old were you when dad died?

22:05 Caller I was 14, so I had already been with him for like two years.

22:09 Adam How did he die? He killed himself in the car accident.

22:13 Was he drunk?

22:14 Caller No, the person that was driving was drunk.

22:16 Adam I knew I smelled booze. Was your dad a decent guy?

22:19 Caller Yes.

22:20 Adam Why do you let you date a 22 year old at 12?

22:25 Caller I do not know what they were thinking. My mom and I go around and around about this, and she just feels really guilty now, and she is just really sorry.

22:36 Drew What were they thinking? What does she say?

22:37 Caller I do not know. She just says that they were just caught up in their own lives. They got divorced when I was 11.

22:44 Drew That is what caused you to act out.

22:48 Adam You have a 12 year old daughter staying at 22? Just for fun, how old are you when you are 12? Sixth grade? Seventh grade?

22:57 Drew He is in graduate school.

22:58 Caller It makes me feel mad when I think about it.

23:00 Adam You graduated welling school two years ago.

23:02 Caller When I think about it now, it pisses me off when I look back on it. I am taking this training, actually to be on a crisis hotline, and that is when I realize I am taking this training at the state certification and we were having this thing about child abuse. That is when it first struck me. Wait a minute, that wasn't a relationship. That was child abuse. You bet it was.

23:23 Adam When did you lose your virginity to him?

23:29 Caller I didn't actually have sex with him until I was 14. So I knew him for a couple of years.

23:37 Adam Even worse. That guy is like, yeah, I am courting, you know what I mean?

23:42 Drew He is grooming.

23:43 Adam He is grooming a 12-year-old. Oh, my God. Listen, I am sorry your dad is dead. I know your mom is confused and apologizes. They still drop the ball in a major way, major. I don't even know if my parents could have pulled that one off. Although they-

23:59 Drew They got close.

24:00 Adam They probably could have given your folks a run for the money. I think they would have had some pretty stiff competition in the out of it department. They may have taken that home.

24:11 Drew But still- Actually, her dad was actually dead.

24:13 Adam Yeah, that's true. But her dad died two years into the relationship. I mean, those are the cruciers. I mean, listen, you make it from 12 to 14. The rest is downhill.

24:23 Caller The main thing was that they didn't even really know what I was doing.

24:26 Adam Yeah, they're just out of it.

24:28 Drew They're out of it. Yeah, absolutely. That's not good parenting.

24:31 Adam What did he do? Come pick you up?

24:33 Caller I met him at a park that everyone-

24:35 Drew Oh, my God.

24:36 Caller He was in a heavy metal band.

24:38 Adam Oh, hold on. Is this Keith Richards?

24:41 Caller Yeah, I thought he was so cool. I just remember-

24:44 Adam What was the name of the band? Just because it's going to be funny.

24:48 Caller He was in a lot of different bands.

24:50 They all had idiotic names.

24:51 Adam Give me some of the names because this is going to be good. What was the first band he was in when you were 12?

24:57 Caller Speed Demon.

24:58 Adam Speed Demon. Yeah. What about after that?

25:02 Drew There's no Deep Purple face.

25:04 Caller Yeah, and he liked all those stupid butt rock bands, too.

25:09 Adam Deep Purple's not stupid. Come on, don't make fun of Deep Purple.

25:14 Drew Michelle, but you said-

25:15 Adam I want the names. I want a couple more band names.

25:19 Caller He was in this one.

25:21 Adam Oh, come on. Give me the band name.

25:22 Caller Golgotha.

25:23 Adam Golgotha?

25:25 Caller Golgotha.

25:26 Adam That's like Jesus is Dead Backwards or something.

25:31 Drew Golpunka.

25:32 Adam Golpunka. Oh, Golgotha. I see. Alright, any other good names?

25:37 Caller I'm trying to think of it. Those were like the main two ones.

25:40 Adam Alright. Well, listen, we'll see him in Hell. You sound fine. We're done talking to you.

25:47 Drew Listen, Michelle, the nice thing is that you do sound fine. You are working on yourself. You've gotten some counseling about this and you're being of service, which is also going to be of great help to you through all this. So keep your wits about you and Godspeed.

26:03 Adam Godspeed. Yeah. Enjoy. Alright. We're going to break. I just want to say hi to Jeff. Jeff?

26:09 What's going on?

26:10 Adam You're 23.

26:11 Caller Yeah, I am.

26:11 Adam You spend $500 a week at a massage parlor?

26:15 Caller Unfortunately, yes.

26:16 Adam Okay. You must be very relaxed.

26:18 Caller Of course.

26:18 Adam Hold on a second. We're going to take ourselves a break. When we come back, we'll speak to young Jeff who drops $500 a week at a massage parlor after this.

26:27 Caller We about to get funky, yo.

26:33 Caller Oh, we'll be right back.

27:08 Adam Hey, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Well, we did the first half hour of the show. I don't even remember doing it. Feels good.

27:19 Drew We're just starting.

27:19 Adam Oh, are you serious? Don't laugh with me. Sometimes I nap so hard, I wake up, my innards are still asleep. You ever get those, like you ever nap, you go down so hard, and then you wake up and you're awake, like your brain's awake and your eyes are awake, your legs are moving, but your lungs and your intestines are still sort of asleep, and you're walking around and you're kind of going, it kind of feels like your parts are still asleep in you a little, especially your lungs. I'm feeling the lungs, like they don't hurt or anything.

27:55 Drew It's just like, You're still breathing wrong. You're breathing like you were asleep.

27:59 Adam You're still going. I mean, it's like your parts like it's sort of like, it's like I'm a piece of meat that's thawing and the outside is good, but the core is still frozen. That's the way I feel. The core of my brain and my gut is still frozen, still asleep. Outside, working just fine. Whatever. Jeff?

28:25 Caller How's it going guys?

28:26 Adam Good.

28:27 Caller Before I start, Adam, I think you're a true philosopher warrior.

28:30 Adam Thank you.

28:30 Drew You've been listening for a while, Jeff.

28:32 Adam No kidding.

28:33 Caller I have since my college days.

28:37 Drew Where are we in college?

28:38 Caller I went to Loyola, Chicago for a couple of years and then southern Illinois, and I just finished at Northeastern. I've been in all directions.

28:47 You got thrown out.

28:49 Caller Pretty much, yeah. My problem is that I've developed this habit of going to massage parlors and receiving a hand job from the ladies there.

29:00 Yeah.

29:00 Adam Full release.

29:02 Drew That's what that's called?

29:03 Adam Happy release.

29:03 Caller Yeah. They call it a-

29:05 Adam Reach around.

29:07 Caller Hand release.

29:08 Adam Hand release.

29:09 Drew Hand release.

29:10 Caller They like to make it sound as professional as possible. What?

29:15 Adam Well, you could get just a regular massage for I don't know how much money, but if you want the hand release, it's going to pump you up a little.

29:22 Drew Regular, like, massage places?

29:25 Adam These are registered nurses and practitioners.

29:28 Drew No, but I mean, what do the institutions even look like? I mean, why do the police-

29:32 Adam Chinese rioting out front.

29:34 Drew Really?

29:35 Adam That kind of thing. Yeah, I've been to one of those places.

29:37 Caller Some of them are Asian, but a lot of them are American, too, and about half of them, they just offer you clothing options where you can get yourself off, but the other half, you know, they help you out.

29:49 Adam Yeah, 75 bucks, you get to whack yourself off in the serenity of one of our bunk rooms.

29:55 Caller The ironic thing is the places where you do yourself, some of them cost more, and I don't know how they stay in business because I'd rather go to the ones where they do it, but anyway, we digress.

30:06 Adam Wait a minute, why? Now listen, I've never been to a massage parlor before. It doesn't sound, there's a few things I've never done, and there's not that nothing's not wrong with me sexually. Oh, there's plenty wrong. But phone sex, never called one in my life, and never been to a massage parlor. I filmed something at a massage parlor once, a comedy bit, and I can tell you what they look like. But the ones where you get yourself off, how does that go? You go in, they give you a rub down, and then you finish yourself off?

30:40 Drew You pay to do that?

30:41 Caller Yeah, you pay the $50 or $60 for the massage, and once you get in there, it's probably like $100 for them to get nude, and they just get on the table and pose and stuff.

30:53 Adam And you finish yourself off?

30:55 Caller Right.

30:55 Adam Sort of ironic, you go in for a rub down, they get naked, you pull your Johnson out of your trunks. The masseuse is naked.

31:03 Drew Is this prostitution, per se?

31:05 Caller Yeah, well some of them, I think, got an adult entertainment license.

31:09 Drew Oh my God.

31:10 Caller So they could do that, but...

31:13 Drew That is bizarre.

31:14 Caller But the other places, it's illegal. I mean, they're giving you a hand job for money, so...

31:19 Drew Oh my God.

31:20 Adam Right. Now what, so if you're spending 500 a week, you go in four or five times a week?

31:28 Caller About, yeah. And recently, past week, it's been every day.

31:32 Drew Are you with the same person?

31:33 Caller No, I go to different ones and pick different girls, and just today actually I got myself an escort, so it's sort of escalating, I mean, this pattern.

31:41 Drew What does that mean?

31:42 Adam When you, wait, it takes a woman home, bangs her.

31:45 Caller You know, I went to a hotel and I called myself up an escort.

31:49 Adam When you get the happy release, where does the release go? I mean, is someone mopping up in there? Do they have some of that butcher paper down on the table? How does that work?

32:00 Drew The image sometimes is very strange for me, because when I think of release, I think about like, poles, clay pigeons and things.

32:05 Adam Yeah, it's like the beginning of the Olympics. Release the pigeons!

32:08 Drew No, it's like, the hounds.

32:13 Caller They're both white. Anyway, it goes all over. I mean, you know.

32:19 Adam I just want to make sure you don't walk into someone else's happy release, that they released 20 minutes earlier before you got in there.

32:26 Caller They usually change towels.

32:27 Adam Yeah. Someone's got to be on mop up detail over there. That's a rough gig.

32:31 Drew That is just bizarre. Why won't the police just walk in there with great regularity?

32:36 Caller Different counties are on Chicago are different. Some of them are a little more relaxed about it. Some of them are strict and shut them down.

32:42 Adam Yeah, they know what's going on.

32:43 Drew You disappoint.

32:45 Adam Yeah, I know. But there's only in... Listen, oh, for Christ's sake, don't get me going on Vice. They're too busy trying to bust madams by having women having officers poses, you know, Asian businessmen, and then having 19 guys with surveillance cameras and the next room and all this. And let me just say one more thing real quick to the cops, because I know we got sued for this last time. I just want to say something. Listen, you idiots, you do what we want you to do, not what you want to whack off to. No one gives a rat's heinie about Heidi Fleiss and her girls, you idiots. It drives me nuts. I don't want to get going on this tangent, but I just, the hair on the back of my nuts stands up every time I hear about how much manpower, how much time is devoted. Whenever I hear about, like, Pee Wee Herman and how they had, like, four vice guys stocking, you know, sitting in the adult theater looking for troublemakers, the hair on the back of my neck stands up. This is where our money is being spent. This is where our resources are going. All I ever hear from cops is, we don't have enough manpower. That's all I ever hear. We don't have enough manpower. We wish we could get to these calls an hour earlier, but we can't. We don't have enough manpower. Yeah, but drive down to Burbank and get yourself a goddamn jaywalking ticket. Go to Burbank, everyone, see how much manpower they got. Oh, they got plenty of manpower. As long as you got money, they got a ton of manpower. As long as someone's getting naked, they got a ton of manpower. It's just when the actual crime is going down, they're a little bit light on the manpower. You do what we want you to do, you pussies, not what you feel like doing. Drives me nuts.

34:36 Drew I suspect our Culver City friends will be here any moment.

34:39 Adam No, I don't care. I don't have a problem with them. I drive 65, Dennis every night, they don't give me any trouble. I like those guys. All right, so Jeff, yeah. Now, where do you make all this money?

34:51 Caller I don't, I pretty much spend whatever I make on this.

34:53 Adam I know, but that's still a pretty good sum. I mean, if you're dropping 500 bills a week on prostitution, you gotta be making some cash, don't you?

35:05 Caller Yeah, I'm making a decent amount.

35:07 Drew There's taxes and eating and housing.

35:09 Yeah.

35:10 Adam All right, hey, Jeff?

35:11 Yeah.

35:12 Adam You gotta whack yourself off before you leave the house.

35:15 Caller Well, I started with that. That's what this has escalated to, and now it's escalated to actually I've had sex with them a couple times.

35:21 Drew Are you worried about this behavior?

35:23 Caller Yeah, because, I mean.

35:24 Drew Because of the financial consequences.

35:27 Caller And the condom broke the other day.

35:28 Drew Oh, boy.

35:31 Caller So, the other question is, I got these small red bumps on my upper thigh, but I don't know if I'm gonna.

35:40 Adam Hey, Jeff, you gotta kill yourself. I rarely say this to a colleague.

35:43 Drew That could be herpes. Could be molluscum contagiosum. But really, Jeff, if you wanted, there's a couple ways to go about this.

35:50 Adam He's gotta go to FNA or whatever that's called.

35:53 Drew Go to SA, or you might check out the website, the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsity, NCSAC, and they have referrals in your area for people that are used to treating sex addicts. SA, or you can get referrals to SA through AA. It's a real serious problem, believe it or not. And you can get yourself an individual therapist, that's the other way to get this dealt with.

36:15 Adam Alright, I've decided Florida's the biggest abuser of this cop sitting around thing. I was thinking about it, I was watching the news the other night and somebody else got popped for doing something in Florida and taking their top off or something. I realized that Lenny Bruce, Jim Morrison and Pee Wee Herman all basically got brought down in Florida.

36:34 Drew Really?

36:35 Adam Yeah, it's all Florida. Yeah, they're the weirdest, most uptight over there. Screwed up. Eddie? Eddie? Oh boy.

36:45 Drew Caller, who goes by Eddie?

36:46 Adam Eddie, you're 15.

36:49 Caller Hey, what's going on?

36:51 Caller I didn't know about... Anyway, I was molested when I was 13.

36:59 Drew By whom?

37:00 Caller By a 10th grader.

37:02 Caller Yeah.

37:03 Caller At a school, like 7th or 12th. And I'm now in 9th grade and I'm 15. I was wondering if I would be like a rapist or molested when I grow up.

37:16 Drew Well, it's sort of like you were raped more than molested, right?

37:18 Adam Well, what happened?

37:20 Caller Well, I was sort of like in the bathroom taking a dump. And this guy just walked in.

37:27 Drew Fused with the guy's name. Who was the guy?

37:30 Caller I had no idea.

37:31 Adam Eddie Haskell.

37:32 Drew Yeah.

37:33 Adam And he walked in.

37:35 Drew How do you know? You said he was a 10th grader?

37:36 Caller Yeah.

37:37 Drew How do you know if he's a 10th grader if you have no idea who he is?

37:40 Caller Well, I guess. He looked like he was 10th grade.

37:44 Adam Uh-huh. I see. Yeah. I can tell the difference between a 10th grader and an 11th grader pretty easily. And so he walked in. What did he do to you?

37:52 Caller Oh, he, you know, pressed me and stuff.

37:55 Adam Yeah. While you were on the toilet?

37:58 Caller No. He took me off.

37:59 Adam He took you off the toilet while you were taking a dump?

38:02 Caller Yeah.

38:02 Adam Uh-huh. And he let you wipe?

38:05 Caller Oh, yeah.

38:06 Adam Yeah.

38:06 Caller He wiped me.

38:07 Adam He wiped for you?

38:08 Caller Yeah.

38:09 Adam Okay. That's nice. And he gave you a happy reach around the full release?

38:16 Caller What?

38:16 Drew Happy release.

38:17 Adam And so he rubbed you and then what?

38:20 Caller You know, he sort of went at me.

38:22 Adam Yeah. What do you mean went at you?

38:23 Caller Like anal.

38:24 Adam Anal-y?

38:25 Caller Yeah.

38:25 Adam Oh, no wonder he wiped. So he got in you, huh? And how long did that go on?

38:30 Caller Like 10 minutes.

38:31 Adam 10 minutes? Well, let me explain something about anal rape. Two minutes can feel like 20. You know what I mean? You sure it was a full 10 minutes? Because that's been my experience, especially dare or dry anal rape, as I call it.

38:45 Drew Is this Adam or Ace Rockolla?

38:48 Caller I don't know. It was like about 10 minutes. I'm not sure.

38:50 Adam It was about 10 minutes. And did you scream?

38:53 Caller Well, he said he screamed. He like killed me.

38:55 Adam And with what?

38:56 Caller He punched me.

38:56 Adam He punched you?

38:57 Caller Yeah, he like beat me up.

38:58 Adam They beat you up?

39:00 Caller I was just like terrified.

39:02 Adam You're terrified, yeah. And then what happened?

39:05 Caller And then he told me, if I ever told anybody, he'd come out and he'd seriously hurt me.

39:10 Adam All right, so you never told anyone?

39:11 Caller No.

39:12 Adam And you never saw him again?

39:14 Caller No. I mean, I might. Sometimes I saw a glimpse of him at school, but I like ran away.

39:18 Adam Out of the corner of your eye?

39:19 Drew I never saw him and then I saw him.

39:21 Adam Right.

39:22 Caller All right.

39:23 Adam Yeah, you'll probably be a rapist, but that's not a bad gig. The benefits are good. Pays not what it could be, but like I said, a lot of perks, a lot of perks, a lot of travel, a lot of raping. You know, I mean, it's right in the title. All right, Eddie?

39:39 Caller Well, I mean, does this mean I'm also bisexual right now? Could that be like why?

39:46 Adam Well, it could be.

39:46 Drew Will you bust him, please?

39:48 Adam It opens up a lot of doors from a raping standpoint. You rape guys, you rape women. Again, not much pay, but not a bad job, not a bad vocation.

39:57 Caller Well, it could also be like a pedophile and stuff.

39:59 Adam Could be a pedophile, pedophile slash rapist.

40:02 Drew Zoophile.

40:04 Adam Again, zoophile with the animals. You like animals, Eddie?

40:08 Caller No, not really.

40:09 Adam Not really? Okay. Well, that's something that can sometimes you get a taste for that a little bit later on in life. Let's not push things.

40:18 Caller Should I seek counseling or something?

40:20 Adam Yes, you should seek counseling.

40:23 Caller Well.

40:24 Adam Now, don't go to a guidance counselor. He's just going to tell you to be a rapist. That's what mine told me. When I talked to my guidance counselor, he was like, I finished my aptitude test. He was like, let's see. Well, you could be a janitor or a Catholic big brother or a rapist. I went with janitor. I said it was carpet cleaning or raping, I think were my two choices.

40:50 Drew Why don't we bust him a little bit?

40:51 Adam Really? I don't know. Hey, Eddie? Yeah. All right. We don't believe you.

40:57 Drew Not for a second.

40:58 Adam Now, it just seems like you're really lying a lot. You're not doing a good job. What? You didn't do a good job with lying on this question. That was a problem.

41:09 Drew Too many loopholes.

41:10 Adam Yeah.

41:11 Caller I was molesting. You guys don't care.

41:13 Adam No. Not really. We never care. We just pretend to care on certain calls, but we're not pretending to care on your call.

41:20 Drew No, I care, but I care when they're with the real thing.

41:22 Adam Drew pretends to care about not caring. That's right.

41:24 Drew I'm offended at the fake calls because they actually belittle the people who actually have these kinds of problems.

41:29 Adam Right now, there's truly a 13-year-old who was actually raped in the bathroom.

41:36 Drew Nothing rang true about that story.

41:37 Adam No. Didn't feel like it would happen to him for a second.

41:41 Drew Well, plus lifting him off the toilet.

41:43 Adam He was taking a dump, he wiped his hands.

41:45 Drew Then a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old we're talking about, what would just be? I mean, unless Eddie had a long history of profound abuse, which this could have happened to somebody with that history, would have beat the crap out of a 15-year-old or fought like hell to get away from him if he didn't want to be there.

42:00 Adam It'd be like a badger in a mountain line going at it in there. It'd just be a fur flying everywhere, stuff getting knocked over. I said it last week. You couldn't get a piece of a piano string in my ass that had been frozen. You dumped liquid nitrogen. If you took a piece of piano wire and you dipped it in liquid nitrogen so it was stiff. And then you dipped it in KY and then you got a running start. You couldn't get it in my asshole if we were fighting, if we were scrapping. I mean, it's just impossible.

42:30 Drew You're sitting there relaxed.

42:31 Adam Impossible.

42:32 Drew Yeah, but if somebody is obviously immediately report, if this thing ever happens to anybody, immediately report.

42:38 Adam All right, we'll be back.

42:40 Caller Let's have some more fun.

42:42 Caller Okay, let's do it.

42:44 Caller Call Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline, we'll be right back.

42:50 Caller Well, here's how it sample.

43:23 Adam Yep, it's the Loveline.

43:25 Drew Firstly, my favorite band.

43:27 Adam Yeah.

43:28 Drew Pennywise.

43:29 Adam Pennywise. It's a good sound of the song, though. I like that song. All right, we're Loveline, Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew in the back of the phones. Peter?

43:40 Caller Looking for my shoes.

43:42 Adam Peter? Peter, have you found your shoes?

43:45 Caller My sandal.

43:47 Adam Looking for your sandal.

43:48 Drew You found it?

43:49 Adam Nope, I hung up the phone.

43:51 Drew Oh, wow.

43:51 Adam Did you not?

43:52 Caller No, I didn't know it was on.

43:53 Drew Oh, wow, that was bizarre.

43:55 Adam Jeanette?

43:56 Caller Yeah?

43:56 Adam You're 18.

43:57 Caller Yeah.

43:58 Adam What's up?

44:00 Best Of I've been kind of with this guy off and on through my, like off and on through all high school and everything. And we had a kid together, and she's about seven weeks old now. And right now he's just treating me like crap. He's being a total jerk. He doesn't even really acknowledge it. I'm around.

44:19 Caller And he won't say hi or anything.

44:21 Best Of And I just, I need to know if I should talk to him and say, hey, what's your problem or?

44:26 Drew Wait a minute. He, since you've been pregnant or since the child has been born?

44:30 Best Of Well, when I was pregnant, he really didn't even come by that much. He came by every once in a while, but he didn't really want to have anything to do with it.

44:37 Drew So is he done with this relationship?

44:39 Best Of I don't know.

44:40 Drew Why don't you ask him?

44:41 Adam Sort of seems like it though, doesn't it?

44:43 Best Of Yeah, kind of. But we've been like this for like the last four years.

44:48 Adam So you've been not talking very much for the last four years?

44:51 Best Of No, we've talked and then we've like broken up and then gotten back together.

44:55 Adam Why did you have a kid with this guy?

44:57 Caller It was an accident.

44:59 Adam You couldn't have given the kid up for adoption?

45:01 Best Of Well, that was the plan and then he changed his mind.

45:04 Drew He changed his mind? You're in charge here, Jeanette.

45:07 Adam What? He's an idiot. Why are you listening to him for?

45:10 Best Of Well, because his family is really close to mine.

45:15 Drew Oh, damn. Now, seven weeks, two months into life, you're not going to give that child up for adoption.

45:22 Adam Sure you will. Give it on up.

45:24 Drew Now you're screwing with the child again.

45:26 Adam Seven weeks?

45:26 Drew You're screwing it away now.

45:27 Adam Kid doesn't know where he is. He still thinks he's in the womb. Give that kid up for adoption.

45:32 Best Of Well, I wanted to keep her, too.

45:34 Adam I know you did.

45:35 Drew Don't blame him. Of course.

45:36 Adam So don't blame him. Give that kid up for adoption. Do the right thing.

45:40 Best Of Okay.

45:41 Adam Yeah. I mean, really, what are you, living at home?

45:44 Best Of Yeah.

45:44 Adam Okay. Jeanette, let me give you, let me give you the situation. I'm going to tell you the truth. This guy, he may be in, he may be out, he'll be in and out. He's not going to be consistent. He's not a great guy. He's not going to be a good father. He's not going to be a good boyfriend slash husband slash whatever.

46:04 Drew Certainly not his age. How old is he?

46:05 Caller He's 19.

46:06 Adam He's 19. He's an idiot. He cares more about his car than he does about his kid, right?

46:11 Caller Yeah.

46:12 Adam Yeah. He works on his car?

46:13 Caller Yeah.

46:14 Adam Yeah. I know this guy. He's got grease on his cuticles. He's a dirt head. Listen, he's not going anywhere. What's he do for a living?

46:22 Best Of He does construction.

46:24 Adam Yeah. I knew it. I knew it. Not doing anything.

46:28 Drew Care to pick a limb?

46:30 Adam He doesn't even know what he's- no, he's just doing like, he's probably just doing labor. It's like, he's probably just like stacking wood all day or something. Where's he working? Has he got some uncle that has an outfit or something?

46:42 Best Of He works with his dad. I think they do ditch lining or something like that.

46:49 Adam He's doing trenching. Idiot.

46:51 Best Of Yeah, that's it.

46:52 Adam Yeah, he's digging trenches, laying in pipe. All right, listen, Jeanette, I've got this guy all sussed out. He's an idiot. The loser's probably got one of those mullet haircuts. What kind of haircuts he got? Shaved. Shaved.

47:08 Drew Completely shaved. That's the new mullet.

47:10 Adam He shaved his mullet off. Yes, it is the new idiot's mullet. It is the shaved head. All right, give this kid up for adoption. Break up with this guy. Get yourself, you know, a job and move out of the house and start new. Okay. That's what you got to do. Forget it. You're overwhelmed. It's not going to work out. I know you're freaked out. You love your kid and everything. You'll meet a nice guy in a couple of years. You'll have a regular family. That'll be fine. Can you do that?

47:40 Best Of Yeah.

47:40 Adam Yeah, because you're not up to raising this kid, are you?

47:44 Best Of No.

47:44 Adam No, you're not. Good. You're a kid yourself. You made a mistake. Fine. Don't make yourself pay for the next 20 years.

47:51 Drew Don't make the kid pay.

47:52 Adam Don't make the kid pay. Don't make me pay, literally.

47:55 Okay.

47:55 Drew Literally.

47:55 Adam All right. Give the kid up.

47:57 Okay.

47:58 Adam You get the kid adopted and break up with this idiot.

48:00 Okay.

48:01 Adam Thank you. There we go. There you go. Enjoy. I think that worked. All right. Hold on. Jessica.

48:08 Caller Yeah.

48:08 Adam You're 14.

48:09 Caller Yeah.

48:10 Adam You have sex with strangers?

48:13 Caller Basically.

48:14 Adam Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, she's 14. Come on. You think you're addicted to sex?

48:19 Caller Well, yeah.

48:21 Adam Okay. All right. Fair enough. Hold on a second.

48:24 Caller All right.

48:25 Adam You there?

48:25 Yeah.

48:26 Adam Yeah. We're going to take a quick break, then we'll come back and talk to you about your sex addiction.

48:29 Okay.

48:30 Adam How many guys you've been with at 14? Four. Four.

48:34 Caller All right.

48:34 Adam Hold on. I was, I got to four.

48:38 Caller 36?

48:39 Adam 29. Come on. Be fair. We'll be back in a second. It's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right, let's get ourselves back on the phone and get back with Jessica's 14 years old. She's had sex with four guys at the tender age of 14. You have sex with strangers and you're addicted to sex by your own admission.

49:52 Caller Yeah.

49:52 Drew What do you mean, strangers?

49:55 Caller Well, I go and visit one of my friend's house or something. I go out to a friend and I meet a guy that she knows and I've had sex with them.

50:04 Drew So just somebody you don't know, you've never met before.

50:06 Caller Yeah, I know for like less than an hour.

50:09 Drew What are you up to? Why are you doing this?

50:11 Caller I don't know.

50:12 Drew What does it do for you?

50:14 Caller I don't know.

50:14 Drew I just- You had to guess what you were doing.

50:19 Caller I don't know.

50:20 Adam Hold on, Drew, can I go out to the car and smoke a cigarette or something while you're going through this arduous ordeal?

50:26 Caller Well, one time I was getting high with a guy and then just things led to another and I didn't really stop it. Then like one time, three times, the other three, they just like keep on asking and I get sick and tired and then all of a sudden they just keep on. They just do things and they lead it on and then I get turned on and I do it.

50:51 Caller All right. Where's your dad?

50:55 Caller Well, he's kind of in my life.

50:57 We've had a fight.

50:59 Caller We've had a couple fights since he came back in my life about three years ago.

51:03 Drew Where was he in the meantime?

51:06 Caller About five years ago, he was getting back together and everything because he was like on drugs and alcoholic and everything and-

51:12 Drew Did he ever physically abuse you?

51:14 Caller No, I've never been hit by my parents.

51:16 Adam Yeah, I'm not getting that. I'm just getting-

51:19 Drew Static control.

51:19 Adam I need attention.

51:20 Drew Yeah, I need help.

51:20 Adam I need a male attention. It feels good to have men want you, right? Yeah. Like your dad never wanted you and now these guys want you and that feels good.

51:32 Drew But yet it's always as a victim role though. It's not just wanting. It's these abusers, adder, adder, adder. How old are these guys?

51:41 Caller They range from my age up to 17 at the oldest.

51:45 Adam I see. All right. Well, you realize you're kind of acting out. Can you stop that, please?

51:51 Caller Well, I haven't done it since the late of January because I've had a boyfriend that I really do like and he won't do it.

51:58 Adam And he won't what?

52:01 Caller He won't go all the way until he's married.

52:05 Drew An interesting change of direction. But wow.

52:07 Adam But change of direction. That's hitting a parked semi.

52:10 Drew But Jessica, that change of direction.

52:12 Adam That's like you running full speed one way and getting swatted the other direction.

52:16 Drew Just understand that that is the right solution to your problem. Just stay with those people that care about it.

52:22 Adam Does he know about these guys?

52:24 Caller He's known that I've had sex and stuff. I've just never gone into detail.

52:28 Adam Yes. Don't ever go into detail.

52:30 Drew It's not important. You were in pain. You were looking for solutions. You were looking up, barking up the wrong tree. Yeah.

52:35 Adam You didn't enjoy yourself. And everyone had a smaller penis than his.

52:38 Caller And like in December, I had this sex period. I had sex once in October, and then I had it twice in January. And in December, I got this like mark in my inner thigh, and it's still been there. It looks kind of like a ringworm without the ring. And sometimes I get like a few red spots, like little tiny ones, like a little tiny drop size.

53:02 Drew Yeah, probably fungus. So you might try some low-trimming over the counter, see if that takes care of it.

53:08 Adam Oh, listen here, all you a-hole pops that are listening to this show. You screw with your daughter, don't worry. She'll get attention. Absolutely. It's not like me. I didn't have a choice.

53:21 Drew What do you mean?

53:23 Adam Well, my dad didn't pay me any attention. My mom didn't really pay me any attention. Again, they weren't abusive. No one smacked me or anything. They were just into their own crap. We're kind of on our own. And I would have gladly spiraled into a world of indiscriminate sex with women. Gladly.

53:42 Drew Gladly. You were accelerating down that road.

53:45 Adam Yeah. I had all the makings except for the part about actually having sex. What I mean is, I grew up in a semi-dysfunctional family. People didn't pay much attention to anybody. And my sister ran away from home when she was, you know, 13. She had herself like a 17-year-old boyfriend. And that was it. I mean, she went down that road. That's what she did. I just couldn't. I mean...

54:10 Drew Being a male.

54:11 Adam Being a male, I couldn't get my goddamn ass laid, you know? But I don't blame any of these women. I mean, if nobody shows you any affection, nobody shows you any attention, and you go out and find it somewhere. And the thing that's tough about being a woman is, is you can find it anywhere, all the time. Go to the park, go to the internet, go to a party. It's there, teeming with idiots, dying to give you attention. It's never gonna cure you, but you'll find it. And you'll get distraction if that's what you're looking for. Oh no, not me.

54:43 Drew That's the problem, it's never with the fantasy.

54:46 Adam Yeah, guys have sports, that's about it. Go out and beat the crap out of someone playing football or something, but you never could. Had I had that ability to go out and get women, had the biology's been 180 degrees different from a societal standpoint, meaning had we lived in a world where I was sort of like a woman and the women were like men.

55:10 Drew You'd be a stripper.

55:12 Adam I'd be doing, I would have done my first snuff film at 14, and that would have been the end of my career. Michelle?

55:19 Yeah.

55:19 Adam As it is, I'm gonna do my first one next year. Michelle, what's going on?

55:24 Nothing. I've been sleeping with my boyfriend for eight months, and we're each other's first. The only problem is that every time that I have to come, it's always at the same time, so he has to pull out. So, but today-

55:38 Drew Wait a minute. You're using withdrawal as a birth control?

55:42 No.

55:42 Caller His dick.

55:46 Adam I see.

55:46 Okay. We're having sex, right?

55:49 Drew Michelle, you're using withdrawal as a birth control?

55:52 Adam No. I think she's having orgasm the same time he's having orgasm. You're saying, why is he pulling out? Why can't he stay in?

56:00 That's not my question. No.

56:02 Drew That's my question, though. Why is he pulling out?

56:04 Why? Well, sometimes he's wearing a condom, and we're just scared that something might spill out.

56:09 Adam Sometimes.

56:10 Exactly.

56:11 Adam What about the other times?

56:14 They're not on him, and I don't have any.

56:17 Drew That's when you're gonna get pregnant. Anyway, let's not belabor that point.

56:20 Caller Oh, God.

56:21 Drew Hold on.

56:22 Adam Hold on, hold on. I gotta say, I gotta get on the PI system for a second. Attention, tards. I do not know who you think you're speaking to, but we understand what we're asking, so please answer.

56:39 All righty.

56:40 Adam I mean, it's like you're on the prosecution is saying to you, so you ran over that old lady on your way home from work. I don't run over an old person every day on my way home from work, if that's what you're asking. No, we're asking about this particular day. Well, yes, I was driving home from work and you ran out. Well, I do not always run over an old woman. No, so you're wrong. I understand. He pulls out because he's not wearing a condom.

57:08 Exactly.

57:09 Adam You cannot have an orgasm or you cannot continue your orgasm because he's pulling out.

57:14 Correct.

57:15 Adam Which is the first damn question that Drew asked.

57:18 Drew Why don't you go on the pill?

57:21 Well, I was, but I missed it and I'm not sure if you could double up on the same day or how all that works.

57:26 Drew Yes, you can.

57:27 Okay. Well, I'm going to get back on it.

57:29 Adam All right, you little tardette. Get that back on and then he can happily stay in you and you can finish your orgasm together.

57:36 You know what? That was not my question.

57:38 Drew What's your question?

57:39 Okay, thanks. My question was, that how do you get back? Because today, I was at that point and he didn't have to, and I think orgasm, but when do you exactly know? Because I'm a guy, it all shows out, but.

57:52 Drew Yeah, you know, Michelle, we no longer have to ask that question.

57:56 Caller Okay, because.

57:57 Drew No, no, no, because.

57:59 Adam No, because what?

58:03 No, I don't know because I just, I don't know.

58:05 Adam Have you had an orgasm before?

58:07 No, exactly. We're each other's first and I never have.

58:10 Adam All right. Well, then why did you start by saying you have?

58:13 No, I said today. It seems I thought I did, but I wasn't sure how you exactly, exactly.

58:19 Adam All right. Well, you're not having one.

58:20 Drew You'll know. That question will no longer be in your mind.

58:25 Adam It's a very, very good point.

58:26 Drew The fact that you asked the question means it hasn't happened.

58:30 Adam Yes, about the orgasm. But God bless you for asking, but now you'll know.

58:36 Drew And you have hands around now. Maybe she can give us some pointers. The masturbation pointers.

58:40 Adam I don't know if I am still a tub gal after the pregnancy. I'm not sure.

58:44 Drew We haven't talked to her in a while.

58:45 Adam But Anne, once you belly up to the mic there and tell us now that you're.

58:52 I'm so busy. I don't have time for any of that.

58:56 Drew Really? By the way, this is the pre and post delivery stuff. Remember, we occasionally talk to couples where there's been a baby. And you don't really realize how much of an impact that has on everybody, especially mom.

59:08 Adam Well, producer Anne just gave birth to twins. And well, it's been months now. But first off, were you hornier when you were pregnant? I mean, how did that biology go?

59:20 You are, but you're so big and so uncomfortable that it's not worth it.

59:26 Drew How about afterwards?

59:27 No.

59:27 Drew You're going to shut down afterwards?

59:29 Yeah.

59:29 Drew And busy.

59:30 Don't even look at me.

59:31 Drew Shut down and busy. Really? By the way, I visited a house or bathroom shrine.

59:35 Adam Oh, really?

59:36 Drew Well, you know, it's a special thing, temple.

59:38 Adam Oh, yeah, certainly. Well, that's her place.

59:41 Drew But now it's just Philipine equipment.

59:42 Adam Oh, oh, my God.

59:45 Little duckies and.

59:46 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah. It went from brothel to Hobo Kelly's living room. That's horrible. Yeah, it looked like a Turkish whore house this time last year. Now it just looks like a romper room. Oh, that's got to it sucks to sex right out of you then. Right.

1:00:04 Drew Yeah, it's sex and soul and soul.

1:00:07 Adam But you know, it's an end. You'll be back. I'm sure you'll be back.

1:00:10 I'm hoping so.

1:00:11 Drew You have to work at it, though. You have to work it coming back.

1:00:13 Adam Really?

1:00:14 Drew, how long does it take?

1:00:15 Drew Multiple. She has multiples. I mean, that is a special bond, special experience. We'll talk. It sometimes requires some attention, special kinds of attention.

1:00:26 Adam Really?

1:00:27 Drew Well, you have to literally figure out what's going on, because so much goes on with multiple moms, from the stress to the depression, to the after fertility treatment, the biology shutdown is huge. They have to be assessed for that too.

1:00:41 Adam Yeah. How's Doug doing? Is he all right?

1:00:45 Drew You want to call him?

1:00:47 He's really glad that I'm back at work.

1:00:49 Adam Here's... oh, you're driving him crazy.

1:00:51 Drew He's got his video camera.

1:00:53 Exactly.

1:00:54 Adam Yeah, but now, Anne, did you let your husband watch a video, sort of take care of himself? I mean, if you weren't going to be there for him?

1:01:02 Drew Who do you think you're talking to? It's Anne.

1:01:04 Adam I know, I know.

1:01:05 I didn't say he couldn't. I didn't put it in for him.

1:01:09 Adam Nothing Bates said, good porno movie.

1:01:11 Right.

1:01:12 Adam All right. So he took care of himself.

1:01:15 Oh, yeah. I'm sure he did.

1:01:16 Adam All right. And listen, I think, and I know women aren't wired this way, but if you realize, and be truthful, Anne, can you do this? If you realize, hey, my biology is, I'm shut down. I mean, I had twins. I'm out of service for a few months now. Things may not be right for a couple of fortnights. I can still go ahead and give him a little something to kind of tide him over. Do you work that way? Or if it ain't good for me, it ain't good for anyone, and it's not happening?

1:01:46 No. What's nice is he doesn't ask, therefore, I feel like-

1:01:50 Drew Therefore, it never happens.

1:01:51 Caller Therefore, I go to sleep.

1:01:53 Adam No. He's not putting a full court press on you, so you feel like you throw him a bone every once in a while. Exactly.

1:01:58 Caller If he was hounding me, I'd tell him to get lost.

1:02:00 Adam Yeah, it's great.

1:02:01 Drew Isn't that nice, C? Because you're thinking about telling women just to roll over and just-

1:02:06 Adam Yeah, well listen, I've learned my lesson. You cannot hound women sexually. They start drying out. I mean, it's like that time lapse photography of the rains hit the Serengeti, and then it starts drying out, and all the puddles start going, and then the fish start dying, and you see a bunch of animal carcasses lying around, and then there's a bunch of cracks in the mud. I mean, that's what happens to... It's real fast-paced. It's the time-lapse stuff, but that's what happens to a woman's vagina when you start bugging her. Come on, come on, a little something. What do you say? You know, I mean, they can't stand it. Drives them nuts. See, a guy, a guy, I think, the way guys are sexually is like, if we didn't feel like sex at all, and the woman said, hey, listen, I'm really horny, and it's been like six weeks, and you ain't puttin out, and I'll tell you what, but I know you ain't into it, but I'll turn the TV on. You can hear the TV. I'll turn some talk radio on. You can listen to the car guys or something on Sunday morning, and you listen to those guys, and just go down on me for 10 minutes, and just let me blow a little steam off. I think most guys would be like, yeah, all right, now whatever, I can have the TV on? Sure, I'll take care of that. I mean, I'm not into it myself, but what the hell? You know, I mean, they could actually sort of turn it into a mechanical process that needed to be, sort of dealt with or addressed and take themselves out of the equation. Like, don't you think 90% of guys could do that?

1:03:34 Drew Now that they do that, they would just, they would do it instantly. It would be like, now.

1:03:38 Adam Yeah, I know they do it now, but we're thinking because guys are horny. But I'm saying-

1:03:43 Drew No, the point is there would be no need for receptivity and for build up, and it's like, pow, that's what I'm going to do? All right, let's go.

1:03:49 Adam Yeah, and you could barter it with a guy. Like you could go, you say to a guy, you know how we were supposed to go antique shopping? We're going to the Rose Bowl, go to the Swap Meet this Sunday and kill about nine hours over there while you pulled along a wagon with a bunch of lamps in it? Tell you what, you go down on me, you stay home Sunday, you watch ball. I gotta be like, your skirt be over his head before he even stopped finishing what he was eating. I'll be like, yeah, I mean, that'd be it. You could barter it with him. You could say, like, listen, I'm going to make you a nice pot roast tonight and maybe I'll clean the garage out. Just get down there. He'd be like, psst, get right down. Really, this situation would work if it was reversed.

1:04:27 Drew Yeah.

1:04:28 Adam And women are like, if you imagine saying to a woman who's like pregnant or something, kind of shut down. Listen, how about a little Humsky? Just kind of, you know, just kind of take the edge off. Come on, baby.

1:04:37 Drew It's going to be a five minute.

1:04:38 Adam I'll be done in five. Come on.

1:04:40 Drew Rolling pin fly at you.

1:04:41 Adam I will turn the view on. I'll put a mirror on my belly. You can watch it. It will reflect off the TV set. You just get whacked with a mop or something. All right. All right.

1:04:55 Caller If only women could be men. What a utopia we'd be living in.

1:04:58 Adam Blair?

1:04:58 Yeah.

1:04:59 Adam You're 13.

1:05:00 Caller Yeah.

1:05:01 Adam What's up?

1:05:02 Caller First, I want to say that I love you guys.

1:05:05 Caller I've been listening to you guys for three years.

1:05:08 Adam Wow. Thanks. Since you're 10.

1:05:10 Caller Yeah.

1:05:10 Oh, boy.

1:05:12 Caller Well, here's the problem. Every time I wear a thong, I have a clear discharge, I think it's from my vagina. I don't know if it's me getting ready for my period or what.

1:05:25 Drew Yes, probably is. Do you think maybe you just notice it when you're wearing a thong?

1:05:29 Caller Yeah, because the thong is a red color.

1:05:32 Drew Yeah, I think it's just you notice it then is the deal.

1:05:34 Caller Okay, so...

1:05:35 Drew And it's normal to have some increased discharge of the prior period. And it will be not so clear as you get older too, I suspect.

1:05:42 Adam Where are you getting those thongs at 13?

1:05:45 I got it at the Blink-22 concert.

1:05:47 Drew How weird is it? We were just talking about those guys.

1:05:49 Adam We were just talking about Mark and the Blinksters about ten minutes ago.

1:05:53 Caller Yeah, he's my husband.

1:05:56 Adam He's your husband?

1:05:57 Caller No, I wish.

1:05:58 Drew That makes it even weirder, doesn't it?

1:06:00 Adam Yeah, they sell underpants at the concert?

1:06:04 Caller What?

1:06:05 Adam They sell underpants at the concert?

1:06:07 Caller Yeah, they're Blink-Ran-2 thongs.

1:06:09 Adam Oh, really?

1:06:10 Caller Yeah.

1:06:11 Adam Do you have other thongs or just the Blink-182 thongs?

1:06:14 Caller I wear them with every outfit.

1:06:17 Adam I got a fog hat jockstrap that I got in 78, I think it was. They're out here for the Us Festival. Yeah. All right. All right, Blair. Listen, I don't approve of 13-year-olds wearing thong baths, but if it's a Blink-182 official merchandise, I suspect it's okay. All right. And I don't know who I was talking to about these thongs, but I'll tell you, you know any wearings I'd get out of one thong?

1:06:46 Drew One.

1:06:47 Adam One. That'd be it. You'd have to cut it.

1:06:49 Drew Well, they were fined it again.

1:06:50 Adam You'd have to cut it off and it'd be ruined. Listen, I ruin underpants that aren't thong. I mean, I get a pair of briefs stuffed up to my ass half the day. I could only imagine what a thong. Guys, no way could guys wear a thong.

1:07:04 Drew You're like Ilium.

1:07:05 Adam Yeah, it'd be destroyed. Yeah, I'd be eating a sandwich. It'd be like, I'm tasting an elastic. What is this? That's my underwear. Push up my ass. Hold on, I gotta fart and get this out. Don't belch. You'll implode. You belch, son, and your innards are going to come out of your mouth. Your only chance is to fart. Oh my God. I think I finally found my food. I had such colossal gas this weekend. It was amazing. It was astounding. Astounding. I drank two milkshakes in the course of about 20 minutes and just never stopped. Milkshake. A lot of dairy, I think, will do it. But this is dairy on dairy.

1:07:49 Drew Milk, ice cream, and milk.

1:07:50 Adam Two large milkshakes.

1:07:52 Drew How did that happen?

1:07:54 Adam Mouth tastes like a sewer for the whole day, so I told someone to go get me a milkshake. They got me a milkshake. I sucked that thing down in no time at all. Then somebody else ordered milkshake, didn't want it, and handed it to me. I sucked that one down in no time at all. Within about 20 minutes, I was just blasting the roof off of the place, and for the next day and a half on the bus. Oh, the bus. Oh, you were so proud. Oh, at dinner in a motel room. Huge, huge. I was tremendous. I'm still riding a natural high on this. All right, Daniel. Daniel, you're 16.

1:08:26 Caller Hi.

1:08:27 I've been going out with my girlfriend for three and a half months, and our relationship is really strong. I really love her a lot, and she really loves me. But we haven't had sex yet. We're both virgins, and she's brought up the fact that she would like to have sex, and I would like to have sex too, but I'm hesitant about it, and I'm just wondering if I should wait a longer just to go through it.

1:08:47 Drew You're gay.

1:08:48 Adam Oh, Drew, please. It's true though. No. Yeah. Don't plan it out so much.

1:08:56 Drew Wait till you're ready. Wait till you know it's right.

1:08:57 Adam I mean, have a condom nearby in case something happens, but just take it slow and see where it goes. What are you doing at this point?

1:09:06 Pretty much everything else.

1:09:07 Adam You're getting oral sex?

1:09:08 Caller Yeah.

1:09:10 Drew Has she had sex before?

1:09:11 Caller No.

1:09:12 Adam Is that oral sex? Does she finish you off that way? No.

1:09:16 Caller Yeah. I wish, but...

1:09:19 Adam You can't focus or what's up? What? Can you do it?

1:09:23 Caller Yeah.

1:09:24 Adam Why don't you just do that for a little while? Yeah. All right. Hey, listen, I don't need that sort of nonchalant, laissez-faire come see, come say attitude about the oral sex. I don't appreciate that. You understand? I understand. All right.

1:09:42 Caller Change of that.

1:09:43 Adam Oh, a 16-year-old is getting a BJ.

1:09:49 Caller Imagine that.

1:09:50 Adam 16.

1:09:51 Drew Mild.

1:09:53 Adam I'm going to blow job at 16.

1:09:54 Caller Oh my God.

1:09:55 Adam Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Let me tell you what I just got six weeks ago.

1:10:02 Caller You know what I mean? He's like, yeah, I think I can pop one off. All right.

1:10:08 Adam Let's, we got to go to break, but let's just say hi to Mike before we do that. Mike, you're 17?

1:10:13 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:10:14 Adam After you ejaculate, your testes swell?

1:10:17 Caller No, it's the tube that comes up from my left testicle.

1:10:21 Drew All right. Already, I'm intrigued.

1:10:23 Adam Okay. Hold on there, Mike.

1:10:25 Drew The tube that comes up.

1:10:27 Adam All right. We'll find out what that is, all right? All right. Right after this. Neil, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew. We're going to hop back on the phones here and speak to young Mike. Mike is 17 years old. What's up, Mike?

1:11:24 Hi, how are you?

1:11:25 Drew The tube's swelling.

1:11:27 Adam Yeah, what tube?

1:11:29 Caller The tube that comes up from my left testicle like just kind of goes up. I don't know. It swells to be about the size of like my testicle.

1:11:39 Drew Could it be your testicle?

1:11:41 Caller No.

1:11:42 Drew Because what happened sometime during ejaculation, the testicles will pull up into that canal.

1:11:47 Caller No, no, it's not that.

1:11:48 Drew I suspect it is.

1:11:50 Caller Like I've seen the doctor about it and like I've seen, first I went to the clinic and they said it might be a hernia. I went to the doctor and he said that it was swollen when I went to the doctor and he said it's not a hernia and that like he wasn't sure what was wrong with it.

1:12:08 Drew Wait a minute, let's get this clear. The swelling the doctor felt is the same swelling you're talking about?

1:12:13 Caller Yes.

1:12:14 Drew That you see?

1:12:15 Yes.

1:12:17 Drew How do you see the swelling?

1:12:19 Caller It's like I can see like my two testicles and then right above the left testicle, like I guess it's like the tube that the semen goes up through or something.

1:12:30 Drew Right now you see that?

1:12:31 Caller No, not right now.

1:12:32 Drew When do you see that?

1:12:34 Caller After like I have sex.

1:12:36 Drew And how was it the doctor saw that? Had you just had sex?

1:12:39 Caller I don't know.

1:12:40 Drew No, I think you're confusing things. I really do. You can have thickening of the spermatic cord, you can have epididymitis, and you can have the testes to pull up into the inguinal canal after ejaculation. I suspect if you actually feel your scrotum, there will not be anything in it. You'll see it's your testin. You may have some thickening of the spermatic cord. That's not even necessarily abnormal.

1:12:59 Adam Andrew?

1:13:00 Yeah?

1:13:00 Adam You're 24. What's up?

1:13:02 Caller Oh, nothing. I'm just started seeing this girl. She's like 20 years old. And she has a three year old daughter, but she wants me to go, I only dated her for one time, one night, which was last Sunday, which was yesterday. And she's already telling me that she wanted me to take on responsibility as like a father figure to her daughter.

1:13:20 Drew No way.

1:13:22 Caller Yeah.

1:13:22 Drew No way. If you're going to stay around for a long time, that's great. Even then, wait till you're six months into this relationship, do not bring, do not get into that child's life and then leave. Don't do it.

1:13:33 Adam How did she bring that up on the first date?

1:13:35 Caller Well, I mean, I've known her for a long time. I've dated her like a long, long time ago, almost like two years ago. And then my friend was dating her for like a year and a half, almost two years. And I've and me and her were friends, you know, because I was with my best friend, of course, and she still knew me. But then they broke up along, you know, the way. And, you know, we're starting to date. And she's already telling me this. So, you know, I've known her for a while.

1:14:01 Adam I see. All right. So it's not as freaky as it sounded initially. Well, do you like her?

1:14:06 Caller Of course I like her.

1:14:07 Adam No, but, you know, do you like her?

1:14:09 Caller Well, of course. I wouldn't be seeing her.

1:14:12 Drew You've seen her one day.

1:14:13 Adam You have one day. You're already freaked out. Are you going to go on another day with her?

1:14:16 Drew Are you going to spend the next 10 years with her?

1:14:18 Caller Shut up, Drew.

1:14:19 Adam Are you going on a second day with her?

1:14:21 Caller Well, most likely, yeah.

1:14:23 Caller All right.

1:14:23 Adam Well, listen, why don't you just be up front with her? Go on the next date with her and say, listen, I like you, but this is our second date. And I just want to take it slow and see where it goes.

1:14:35 Caller Right.

1:14:35 Adam You know what I mean? You don't have to be rude. You don't have to freak her out.

1:14:39 Caller Don't you think she'd think I wasn't serious then?

1:14:42 Adam No.

1:14:42 Drew Oh, please. Come on.

1:14:43 Adam Second date.

1:14:43 Drew Second date. Listen. Stay in reality. What's real there?

1:14:46 Adam Now, here's the deal, though, everybody. Here's the deal. You want to know the most freeing thing in life?

1:14:53 Drew Reality.

1:14:55 Adam It is?

1:14:55 Caller No. Oh, all right.

1:14:57 Adam Screw that.

1:14:57 Drew Other than that.

1:14:58 Adam Oh, okay. Second most freeing thing in life is have your own sort of moral compass and follow it. And if people don't understand it or give you service or don't get along with it, do not let it slow you down. Meaning you're on a second date with a woman. She's worried about your relationship with her kid and wants to know why you aren't attending the parent-teacher conference night. You're worried about how she's going to take that when you tell her to slow down. It's the second date. You're 100% right. If somebody freaks out when you're 100% right, it doesn't matter. Right. Screw them. It doesn't matter. I told you this story. Maybe not a great example, but my mom hung up on me once. She hung up on me for no reason. It was a couple of years ago. I don't know what the hell. I don't know. I called her. She like hung up. I called her back. She was pissed off as hell. I said, Mom, what the hell are you hanging up for? She pissed off as hell, hung up again.

1:16:00 Drew What was it?

1:16:00 Adam I have no idea.

1:16:01 Drew What had you done?

1:16:02 Adam Nothing.

1:16:02 Drew Come on.

1:16:03 Adam I swear to God damn God that I don't know what it was. But here's my point. She was pissed off about something I said or something I did or whatever it was. I said to her on the phone, listen, whatever it was, whatever you're upset about, I do have no clue what it is, but whatever it is, why don't we talk about it and we can fix it. You know what it is. She hung up. At that point, I said, hey, screw that bitch. I didn't call her. I said, just screw her. I didn't talk to her. That was it. It was done. I mean, done. She hung up. I called her two or three times. I asked her to try to work it out. I asked her to try to tell me what it was. She wouldn't do it. It was done.

1:16:44 Drew What was it?

1:16:46 Adam I got engaged and I didn't tell. I got engaged about a year ago and she found out through my sister, but not through me. The reason I called her was to tell her and it was two days later. My feeling was, hey, screw you. I can't help it that my sister squealed. I called you to tell you this. That's why I'm calling you and now you're hanging up on me. I just remember thinking, this bitch is crazy, that was it. I didn't think about it. I don't want to be like a serial killer, but listen, if somebody does something, there goes my keys by the way, if somebody does something and you've given your best effort and they still want to be pissed off or freaked out or whatever, that's their business. You cannot go through life worrying about people if you feel like you've taken care of it. On the other hand, you got to be fair. Timothy? Yeah. Well, not me. I got two TV shows in a national radio show. I don't have to be fair. But you guys, you have to be fair. Timothy, you're 17.

1:17:50 Caller What's up? Um, do you want to hear my problem?

1:17:52 Drew Sure. Why not?

1:17:54 Adam I'm mixed, but go ahead.

1:17:57 Caller Well, okay, my girlfriend, right, she like, she come learn my, every day, right? Okay, my stepdad is home. And she like, hits on it. She'll hug him. She'll like, I'll play around like, like 17, 18 year old do.

1:18:09 Drew Like what? What'd she say?

1:18:10 Caller Like, well, she won't really say anything, but her, like, physical emotions, I could tell.

1:18:14 Adam Yeah.

1:18:15 Caller Not emotions, but her physical.

1:18:16 Adam Yeah, it's not what she says. It's the way she does what she's not saying.

1:18:19 Drew How old is your stepdad?

1:18:21 Caller Um, she's 40.

1:18:22 Adam Yeah, 40.

1:18:24 Caller All right.

1:18:25 Adam Well, why don't you talk to your girlfriend? Why is your stepdad home so much, by the way?

1:18:31 Caller Well, when he gets off work. She comes over because she has high school at 3 o'clock.

1:18:35 Adam I'm like, hey, Drew, let's play guess the dog breed. Now, hold on. Is it a mutt? That dog of yours?

1:18:43 Caller Mine?

1:18:44 Adam Yeah. Don't tell me what kind of dog it is. Is it a breed of dog?

1:18:49 Caller It's a Rottweiler.

1:18:51 Caller What the?

1:18:58 Adam You figured out it was a bogus call, though, wasn't it?

1:19:02 Drew Whatever. It doesn't matter.

1:19:03 Adam Hey, Tim?

1:19:04 Caller Yeah?

1:19:05 Adam Listen. Listen, you idiot. I hope that-

1:19:06 Caller You can hear it barking in the background.

1:19:08 Caller I hope it tells you the truth, man.

1:19:11 Adam Listen, Stoner, I hope that dog eats your bong, jackass. Listen, all you potheads. Don't worry, I smoked plenty of pot last weekend. I don't mind pot, but listen, you potheads who think it's the funniest thing in the world, you ain't going to be laughing so hard in a couple of years. You'll be living at home, you'll be 22 years old, you'll be working on some piece of ass Vega out in the parking lot, going down to Pickapart to get yourself a new water pump for it because it blew again. Have fun. Enjoy. Enjoy, stoners. Enjoy it now. Toke up, toke out every day of your life and enjoy yourself because the rest of life ain't going to be that good a time. It really won't. You're not going to have as good a time as you're having now. Nadia? Yeah. You're 16. You know what's ironic? We spend every week we sit here trying to get information out of people that won't volunteer. Then one time we say to a guy, hey, do not tell us what kind of dog this is.

1:20:14 Drew We're going to try to get-

1:20:17 Adam I started screaming. Nadia?

1:20:21 Caller Yeah.

1:20:21 Adam All right. So what's the matter there, Pumpkin?

1:20:23 Caller Okay. I know I have depression, you know? I mean, and I've had bulimia like off and on for about two years now. And I mean, my parents don't realize that they're not home a lot, you know? But when I- Where are they? They're working. They're like, when I get home, they're off to work when I get home. And so I mean, they don't notice, you know?

1:20:46 Caller Yeah.

1:20:46 Caller And my point is, how do I tell them and like-

1:20:50 Drew Tell them you're depressed?

1:20:51 Caller Yeah.

1:20:52 Caller And I mean, I've told my mom, you know, I want to like see a therapist and all that.

1:20:57 Drew So you've already made the first step.

1:21:00 Caller Yeah.

1:21:00 Caller And but she keeps like saying like, you know, they only make you like stupider, crazier.

1:21:05 Drew What does your mom do for a li- What does your mom do for a living?

1:21:08 Caller She, um, she, she cleans.

1:21:11 Drew It's interesting that she'd be afraid to send you to help. But women, parents oftentimes when they're afraid to send their children to help, are fearful of what they're going to have to feel themselves. And they're also fearful of sort of letting down their idealization of you.

1:21:26 Caller I mean, they're like always trying to like say that I'm, you know, an all-A student and stuff. You know, I'm not, you know, and that's what they tell people.

1:21:33 Drew There you go.

1:21:34 Caller I mean, I just like...

1:21:36 Drew They do, really? They idealize, idealize. You've got to tell, you should say something somewhat dramatic to her. Say, I'm afraid I'm going to hurt myself or something that's going to get her attention and go.

1:21:44 Caller I have like hurt myself, you know, like, I mean, like, so where they can see it, you know, and I...

1:21:50 Drew Well, they won't see it. Listen, you told her in clear, no uncertain terms what your needs are. They didn't hear that.

1:21:56 Adam Yeah.

1:21:57 Drew They're not going to see a scar. They're going to immediately in their head, it's on the jungle gym.

1:22:01 Adam Right.

1:22:01 Drew It was from a number two pencil during one of her great math quizzes.

1:22:04 Adam Right. All right. Go. Your parents over-idealized you too, didn't they, Drew?

1:22:12 Caller Did they? I don't know.

1:22:15 Caller Yeah.

1:22:16 Caller Yeah.

1:22:17 Adam Did they? You think so?

1:22:18 Drew Yeah.

1:22:19 Adam What would they do?

1:22:20 Drew It was more than never good enough stuff.

1:22:22 Caller Yeah.

1:22:23 Adam Never good enough with you, but what about with other people?

1:22:25 Caller You think they did that?

1:22:28 Drew Yeah. Really? You mean over-idealize them, other people, or me too, other people?

1:22:32 Adam I mean, you too, other people.

1:22:33 Drew I don't know.

1:22:34 Adam You never around? Never heard any compliments?

1:22:36 Caller No.

1:22:41 Adam Yeah, my parents did that too. They did that bragging to their friends about me. They screwed up because they'd always forget my first name. They'd go, yeah, Lauren's doing real good. And then my dad would stand up and say to go, the boy. And then I don't think that people believed them after whatever came out after that. Hey, Zeus?

1:23:01 Caller Yeah.

1:23:02 Adam You're 18?

1:23:03 Caller Yeah.

1:23:03 Adam What is up?

1:23:04 Caller Yeah. I'm like religious, right? But I still touch myself. Sure. And well, during Lent-

1:23:13 Drew I was mostly a religious man too.

1:23:15 Adam Right.

1:23:15 Caller Yeah. During Lent, I decided to give that up.

1:23:20 Adam Yeah. How long does Lent go on for? Super Tuesday until Ash Wednesday or what the? Ash Monday?

1:23:28 Caller It's Ash Wednesday.

1:23:29 Adam Ash Wednesday?

1:23:30 Caller Yeah.

1:23:30 Adam Is that when Lent begins? Yes. And then it just goes on for one month?

1:23:35 Caller Yeah, like a month and a week or so. Yeah.

1:23:39 Adam I gave up a lime jello this year.

1:23:42 Caller Yeah.

1:23:44 Drew One of these years you ought to give up at least one of your Parnot tapes.

1:23:47 Adam Geez, that was smart. I don't know if that's the way God would want it.

1:23:50 Caller I really don't.

1:23:51 Adam Yeah. So did you walk around like those idiots with the ash on your forehead?

1:23:55 Caller No, actually, I was late to church, so I didn't get to partake in that.

1:24:00 Adam But I swear to God, I turned the TV on on Ash Wednesday and saw idiots with the news anchors and stuff with ash on their forehead. It always messes me up too, because I think they should stencil a cross on their forehead with like ash. Some guy like use a cigarette on them or something. It always looks like, I was sitting there going, this guy got some pen on his forehead. It always seems like, especially when you see a guy at an anchor desk. I swear to God, I turned the TV on. It looked like some guy put his hand down on a fax or something, some guy smeared on him and then he wiped his forehead with it. It was like, hey, the makeup's got to get that. Then I realized, oh, he's got ash on his forehead.

1:24:43 Drew By the way, does it somehow not count if they put makeup over it?

1:24:46 Adam If you put makeup over the ash? Yeah, I think you put the makeup on, then they have to reapply the ash. Hello? Yeah, sorry. Sorry, Jesus. By the way, anyone working for me with the ash on the forehead who's on camera is fired. That's my policy, you idiots.

1:25:00 Drew Jesus, what's your question?

1:25:02 Caller Yeah, well, before I used to get erections really easy, I mean, the wind would blow in. Right.

1:25:09 Adam You get erections.

1:25:09 Caller And now I notice that it doesn't get up easily.

1:25:13 Adam Say adios to your penis. You're screwed.

1:25:16 Caller Damn it.

1:25:17 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I hope it explode.

1:25:21 Caller That'd be nice.

1:25:21 Drew Well, there's an interesting, there's sort of a-

1:25:24 Adam You shut down.

1:25:25 Drew There's a parabolic curve. If you're not masturbating, your testosterone levels drop, your arousal levels drop. If you do, there'll be a certain amount of rate of increase of that. There's a plateau and then this falling off on the other side where you start again, sort of depleting yourself and levels drop off.

1:25:39 Caller Yeah.

1:25:40 Adam Yeah, listen, I don't have a religion, but if I did, here's how I'd lay it out. Instead of not doing something, I'd have you do something, like volunteer or something for that month, or exercise more, or spend X amount of time with your kids every day or something. You know, you had to do something. That whole give something up is kind of weird. I'd link to that. Yeah. All right. You walk around, you idiots, with the ash on your forehead. What's wrong with me? Wouldn't you fire somebody? They're working at your station and came in to sat down at the anchor desk to do the news that day, and they had ash smeared on their forehead? You know what I'm saying?

1:26:20 Drew I wonder why it weren't makeup people who are.

1:26:22 Adam Okay. Listen, listen, Tards. Please, who are you kidding? Who are you kidding? How many X, Y's you figure that guy has with the ash on his forehead? How many high balls you figure he puts down that night after the show? You figure he's got a kid or two somewhere he doesn't talk to too much. Yeah, don't worry. He's got the ash on the forehead. That'll make it all up. Sure. Get that ash on there. That ash will stop a bullet, by the way. That's good stuff. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break and we'll be back after this.

1:26:51 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:27:27 Adam Yeah, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. We're just discussing a troubled past. And let's hop back on the phones here. Drew, Heather?

1:27:41 Yeah.

1:27:41 Adam You're 18? What's up?

1:27:43 Caller I have really bad anxiety attacks and panic attacks.

1:27:48 Adam All right.

1:27:48 Caller Yeah. I take Alprazolam, it's like Xanax or something. I take Metaprol for like heart flow. And I just want to know if I can take a different medication to help. Because it seems like the...

1:28:04 Drew How much Xanax are you taking?

1:28:09 Caller 0.250 milligrams.

1:28:11 Drew Are you taking it regularly or just when you have attacks?

1:28:14 Caller Just when I have the attacks, but I don't like to take it because slightly like when I take it, it seems to make things worse. And it takes a real long time to actually work.

1:28:22 Drew Have you not seen a psychiatrist, have you?

1:28:24 Caller No.

1:28:25 Drew That's what you need to do.

1:28:27 Caller They would have like, they would help me out somehow.

1:28:29 Drew Yeah, there's multiple other options here. First of all, you need a diagnosis. Are you depressed? Are you do have a panic disorder?

1:28:35 Caller I used to be depressed. I used to take like antidepressants.

1:28:39 Drew Who prescribed that?

1:28:40 Caller My psychiatrist, because I did see one, but it was like two years ago.

1:28:44 Drew Well, it's time to get back to that person. Drugs like Paxil can be very good for anxiety. Sometimes they use MAO inhibitors. You're already on what's called a beta blocker. You're on benzodiazepines, which can be a little treacherous, but usually they use a tiny dose of Xanax throughout the day or the long-acting benzodiazepines like Klonopin through the day.

1:29:02 Adam You know, it's funny. I may have been drunk and high. The TV was on somewhere. It was a NASCAR race and there was a car sponsored by Viagra.

1:29:14 Drew Really?

1:29:15 Adam It was a Viagra car.

1:29:16 Drew Wow.

1:29:17 Adam I mean, it was just, you know, blue and white and a big Viagra across the hood. But the thing that was really funny is it said Viagra in big letters and then in small letters underneath it, it said like a Pentothorium Xerate. You know, whatever the hell the Latin name or the scientific.

1:29:36 Drew It's another made up name.

1:29:36 Adam It's another made up name. Yes. Okay. Because it's not like this S existed prior to five or ten years ago or whatever. The point is, is Brozac, I mean, not Brozac, Viagra, it's a Viagra mobile. We don't need the Latin pronunciation written in small letters underneath it.

1:29:55 Drew Maybe that's the trademark or something that requires both.

1:29:58 Adam Why would you paint that part onto the car? What is the name of it? What is the medical name of it?

1:30:04 Drew Danaphyll?

1:30:06 Adam It's like a 17-letter word written under Viagra, which was in big letters across the hood. It was like two-foot letters, Viagra across the hood, and then in three-inch letters underneath it, was a Parisian dialing. It was like, who's? Why? Is there anyone who knows it by that name, but not sure what Viagra is? Or how does that work? Is it some legality? Or why?

1:30:32 Caller Well, you're painting a car.

1:30:34 Adam You can't leave that part off? What I mean is, the car that's sponsored by Tide doesn't have the ingredients, the chemical breakdown of the Tide Mobile like written on the fender, and then washing instructions, soak in cold water for colors. They just write the goddamn Tide across the hoods. You know what you're talking about. I got to check in to that Viagra Mobile. Isn't that awesome, though, Viagra car?

1:31:01 Caller Was it longer than the others?

1:31:02 Adam It, no, it hadn't, please. Where the hell were we talking about? Travis?

1:31:08 Yeah.

1:31:09 Adam You're 14.

1:31:10 Caller Yeah. I can't get erections, and I was wondering if that is because I was molested by my dad when I was eight. It helps.

1:31:17 Drew That'll do it.

1:31:18 Caller Yeah. Okay. And I was also calling in regards to the caller, Van, who was, I think, raped by the mailman.

1:31:23 Drew Yeah. He also called back later with a few other things.

1:31:27 Adam He was raped by a UPS guy.

1:31:28 Caller Yeah. I was just saying that he was like a real inspiration to get out of that about the story for me.

1:31:34 Adam Yeah. Except for I think he was making it up.

1:31:36 Drew Well, as this guy is.

1:31:37 Adam Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Yeah. I got you now, Travis.

1:31:41 Caller Yeah.

1:31:42 Adam All right.

1:31:43 Caller Okay.

1:31:44 Adam He was a real inspiration for you.

1:31:45 Caller Yeah.

1:31:45 Adam Okay.

1:31:46 Caller He was like, helpful.

1:31:48 Adam I see. Thank you. There you go. Thank you. Hey, listen, I have what I call Ass Wednesday.

1:31:57 Caller Yeah.

1:31:57 Adam That's where you take one of the gym socks of white myself with and you rub it on your forehead.

1:32:01 Caller Okay.

1:32:02 Adam All right.

1:32:03 Caller Yeah, I got it.

1:32:03 Adam We'll start it next year.

1:32:04 Caller Okay.

1:32:05 Adam All right. I'd like to see some of the news anchors wearing that on the forehead.

1:32:08 Drew I can tell that Travis opened his mouth. He was BSing.

1:32:10 Adam Well, I know because nobody goes, hey, I can't get a reaction when I did, my lesbian. What do you think about that?

1:32:16 Drew You think that did it?

1:32:17 Adam Yeah.

1:32:18 Drew That just about sums it up?

1:32:19 Adam Yeah. All right. Yeah. I think what we're learning and what we've learned tonight especially is when people give you the answer to their question, it means there's something else.

1:32:29 Drew It's always, what's the question?

1:32:30 Adam Right. Chris?

1:32:31 Drew What are you calling?

1:32:32 Adam Chris?

1:32:33 Hey, Adam.

1:32:33 Adam Yeah. You're 24. Yeah.

1:32:35 Caller I'm up here in Canada and I'm a baker and you make the nights go pretty sweet, man.

1:32:41 Adam Well, thank you.

1:32:41 Caller Thank you very much, dude.

1:32:42 Adam You listen at work, do you?

1:32:44 Caller Yeah. For the longest time when I was a kid, I thought I had a problem because me and my buddies used to go into the bathroom and squeeze our penises and see how far we could shoot our urine.

1:32:53 Adam Right.

1:32:54 Caller I'm glad you could put a name on that anyway with the brewing thing.

1:32:57 Adam Brewing. Absolutely.

1:32:58 Caller That was great. On a more serious note.

1:33:01 Drew By the way, just because Adam did it doesn't mean there wasn't something wrong with you.

1:33:04 Adam Oh, it means you're a genius or at least your penises.

1:33:07 Caller I swear he's like my evil twin brother.

1:33:09 Adam Thank you.

1:33:11 Caller Anyway, when I was 12 years old, I knocked up this chick and she had the baby and I moved out west when I was about 17. She lives back east and I haven't seen a kid.

1:33:30 Drew Back east of Nova Scotia in Canada.

1:33:31 Caller Right.

1:33:32 Adam Yeah.

1:33:33 Caller Well, not quite that far. But I've had a son since then.

1:33:40 Adam Jesus.

1:33:40 Caller Yeah.

1:33:42 Caller Just a baby factor.

1:33:43 Caller Yeah. Now what?

1:33:45 Caller And, you know, I've realized what he's done for my life. And, you know, over the, he's four now. And over the last four years, I've realized, you know.

1:33:55 Drew You're feeling guilty now.

1:33:56 Adam You're feeling guilty. You want to get hold of this woman?

1:33:58 Caller Well, I don't know what I should do.

1:34:00 Drew The kid's a teenager. The kid is, first of all, he's 12 or 11 or whatever.

1:34:05 Adam Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Knocked up a girl at 12. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

1:34:11 Drew If he shows up in that kid's life, that kid's going to be pissed. And it's not going to undo the abandonment that he's already put the kid through. I mean, no amount of penance is going to undo that. All right.

1:34:21 Adam But think about there is a difference between knocking up a girl when you're 12. I mean, when you're a kid, you're screwed up, and you're Canada. It's freezing. There's nothing to do over there. And doing it when you're 21. I mean, think about you're 12. What are you supposed to do? Stay in the child's life? Raise him at 12, 13 years old? You're raising a child? I mean, it's not your fault. I mean, now you're 24, you're father, you're responsible, you've seen what you've done. I don't know. I think about tracking her down. Give him some free bread. All right.

1:34:50 Drew Well, and explaining that to the kid, but then you're giving the kid a license. Maybe it's better just to keep the idealized memory of an image of the father in the child's mind.

1:34:59 Adam Your dad was a world renowned Canadian baker who died in an oven explosion. All right, we'll take a break.

1:35:06 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

1:35:09 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Yep. All right. There you go. Another fabulous show.

1:35:45 Drew Fabulous.

1:35:45 Adam In the dirt. All right. We'll take ourselves a 22-hour break, and when we come back, we'll come back with more fabulous show and a renewed attitude and renewed commitment to the program. That'll be at least for the first break, and then we'll wear off into our usual jaded selves.

1:35:59 Drew Well, no.

1:36:00 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. My boyfriend had such a huge shlong that he scrambled my innards.

1:36:08 Drew Oh, come on.

1:36:09 Adam Oh, no. Well, now.

1:36:12 Caller This has been Loveline. The stuff expressed on Loveline is not necessarily the stuff of the staff, management, sponsors or anyone else, including Westwood One Entertainment. Loveline is produced by Ann Wilkins and Gold. Now, please enjoy these birds.

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Sunday, July 2, 2000