Episode 1000754887127

1:32 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:38 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:40 Voiceover Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:42 Voiceover I'm not modeling anymore for the two of you.

1:45 Voiceover Loveline.

1:47 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. It is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Facts number 310-8-5-4-44-55. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, we're happy to have Andy Dick as our guest.

2:02 Guest A model for the two of you.

2:03 Adam A friend of the show. Yes, indeed, he did. He has brought one of the Bitches of the Century with him to play tonight. So you have some music planned for us.

2:15 Guest Tasty.

2:16 Adam Is that true? And also Alan Isaacman, who is, was he Flint's attorney?

2:24 Drew Yeah.

2:25 Adam And also is he representing Todd McCormick?

2:29 Drew Yep.

2:29 Guest Yes.

2:30 Adam Well, it says something else on this piece of paper, but I guess you could have more than one attorney. Hey, Andy.

2:36 Guest Yes.

2:37 Adam I know you have ADD, but let's focus on what it is you're trying to plug for the good people so they can get the message.

2:44 Guest Right, the Spitfire Tour.

2:46 Adam That's right.

2:47 Guest Spitfire Tour.

2:48 Adam That's coming up at the House of Blues.

2:51 Guest This Sunday.

2:52 Adam May 7th.

2:53 Guest That's this Sunday.

2:54 Adam And music by Perry Farrell and Spearhead and speakers include the one and only Andy Dick, Larry Flint, Bill Maher.

3:04 Guest Michael Franti.

3:05 Adam He's from Spearhead? Yep. Xen Sirvanka from X. Who's just a joy. Just that woman is a joy to be around.

3:15 Guest You had her on the show.

3:16 Adam Yeah. She's such a joy. A joy. That's all.

3:21 Guest That's part of her charm.

3:22 Adam She's a joy. They should make a perfume after her. They really should. What a joy she is to be around. You don't want to miss her speaking. David Michael, who's Todd's attorney, and I don't know if Alan is going to speak at this or not, but he's going to come in here and talk tonight. So Todd McCormick, for people who don't know, Todd McCormick has done this show once in the past, I believe.

3:51 Drew A couple of times.

3:53 Adam I think he's only been in here once. He may have done some else.

3:56 Drew I've done other stuff with him. I've done other stuff with him.

3:58 Adam Right. Todd McCormick is the guy who's supposed to have some kind of cancer, although it's not really quite cancer.

4:05 Drew Right.

4:05 Adam And to me, here's how the Todd McCormick story goes. The truth is somewhere in between. Would he be behind bars? No. Is he a terminally ill cancer patient who needs marijuana to survive? No. But the truth is somewhere in between. I know. And he has to have a pot farm at his house. Todd McCormick is the guy who was all over the news. It was about two and a half, maybe three years ago. He rented out- How long ago? It's been a while. He rented out a big Bel Air mansion and just grew pot in every room of the house. And then got busted. And then Woody Harrelson and a few other folks who were for legalization of marijuana got in his corner. And then he got out of jail. And then he spoke about it. And I guess he's back in the clink. Andy?

4:52 Guest Well, the thing about him is you were coming down on him because he had a lot of pot. He was growing. But I think they charged him with being a dealer or something like that. But he was just giving it away to other cancer patients and people who have illnesses that were helped by ingesting or maybe smoking.

5:17 Adam Right. But the way the law is, is if you have more than a certain amount, it's considered for distribution. If you have a joint, that's for you and if you have a-

5:26 Guest He was helping other people out. He wasn't selling it. He only had 800 bucks in his account when they threw him in jail for five years. And also, he really does have cancer.

5:35 Drew I think no.

5:36 Guest Well, he does.

5:37 Drew He has histiocytosis X. That's not cancer.

5:39 Guest Well, it doesn't sound good.

5:41 Drew It's not cancer.

5:42 Guest It doesn't sound good.

5:43 Drew It's actually a benign condition of childhood. No longer even treated.

5:46 Adam Todd McCormick's 38 and has been dying his whole life. He'll be alive. But don't get me wrong.

5:51 Drew Yeah.

5:52 Adam We're sort of.

5:52 Drew I like Todd McCormick. We like Todd and we support him. We just want the truth out of him.

5:55 Adam I think drugs should be legalized.

5:57 Guest Yeah.

5:57 Drew We're both on that page.

5:58 Guest But he had five vertebrae fused together in his neck.

6:02 Drew Lots of people had that.

6:03 Guest Really?

6:03 Drew He had that because of the radiation therapy. They shouldn't have given him the first one.

6:07 Adam Here's the problem. All right.

6:08 Drew It's for cancer pain, though.

6:09 Adam This is a good.

6:10 Drew He doesn't have cancer.

6:11 Adam It's a good time.

6:11 Guest The vertebrae causes him chronic pain.

6:14 Adam It's a good time to talk about this. He told me.

6:16 Guest By the way, we were at Woodstock together.

6:20 Adam Oh my God.

6:21 Guest We were at Woodstock. No, I was sober at the time.

6:24 Adam You didn't burn anything?

6:25 Guest No.

6:25 Adam You didn't make love to anybody?

6:27 Guest I wore a sari.

6:31 Adam I'm sorry to hear that.

6:32 Drew We like Todd and we're supportive of his cause.

6:34 Guest He's so great.

6:35 Drew He's a good guy, but we're trying to sort out the truth.

6:38 Adam We're trying to get at the truth. Okay, here's what the truth is and here's the problem. Marijuana is not a killer. It's not evil and it does not destroy lives. On the other hand, it is a drug.

6:53 Drew And it is addictive for some people.

6:54 Adam You will get high and there's a certain amount of people that smoke too much of it.

6:57 Drew Andy?

6:58 Adam Does that mean? Does that mean it should be illegal? No, and here's the problem. The people on the right, the government, the Republicans, the people in power, they make a big deal over it and they say you're going to go crazy and it's going to kill you and it doesn't. And then the problem with the Todd McCormick's of the world and the Woody Harrelson's of the world is they go too far the other way. It's good for you. It cures everything. It should not only be legalized, but should be put in vending machines at preschool. And now the truth is in between. The truth is it ain't going to kill you. It's not going to make you a genius. It's not going to cure your cancer. It should be legal. And we should have the choice to use it responsibly, like any other substance that's legal, including alcohol and cigarettes and things like that. So I don't want to go too far with Todd McCormick, who's dying of cancer and needs a bong to live. And I don't want to go too far with this stuff should all be made illegal and everyone should be locked up. And I don't believe anybody should be locked up. On the other hand, I have friends, one in particular, my best friend was locked up for drugs and has saved his life because he was killing himself.

8:08 Guest I did not know I was your best friend. That is so sweet.

8:12 Drew Let me ask you as an addict, Andy.

8:12 Adam You are in the top 4500, Andy. I can tell you right now. I call him the elite 4500.

8:19 Drew As an addict, though, does having drugs that you have been addicted to illegal help you?

8:25 Guest Does having, what do you mean? Does having drugs, what do you mean having them? Say that again?

8:30 Drew I am ambivalent about the legalization of certain drugs that are already illegal. And one of the main, my main source of concern about legalization is that the fact that certain ones are illegal helps me structure the environment for people to become addicted to them like Pot in your case. Does the fact that it is illegal help or did it increase the probability that that was the drug you chose in the first place? Or is it not an issue?

8:54 Guest It's not an issue, because I'll tell you that the government comes into play with me in that I crashed my car and I was, I had some drugs on me that were illegal. So I guess it did come into play in that way. But when I first smoked pot, when I was, I started late by the way, I smoked pot when I was-

9:19 Adam It was 11.

9:21 Guest No, I think I was like 18.

9:22 Drew Anderson, do you have a tape of Andy's first experience of marijuana?

9:26 Guest No. Jesus Christ in heaven, where is this bin? Send me an ounce of this stuff. That's how I felt when I first smoked it. I really, I really, you know, it had nothing to do, no.

9:40 Drew But no, I'm wondering if the fact that it's illegal will help again structure the environment to keep you from being as likely to sort of go over to it.

9:49 Guest No, maybe if it was, I'm thinking maybe if it was legal, I would have gotten through those days quicker and earlier at an earlier age.

9:57 Drew Without having to hide it and all.

9:58 Guest Yeah, because it was a big nasty secret. I remember being very afraid of some of my friends finding out.

10:05 Drew I'm kind of ready to get over it. Let's just legalize this thing and be done with it.

10:08 Adam Yeah, we've been arguing over whether pot should be legal like idiots for the last 30 years or so in this country.

10:14 Drew I also think the next person that really comes out strongly in favor of this could be like the president or senator. I mean, the people are going to get behind that.

10:21 Adam Yeah, somebody.

10:22 Guest In Vancouver, do they have pot bars in Vancouver?

10:26 Drew In Amsterdam.

10:27 Adam I don't know if they have those hash bars, but anyway, how long is Todd McCormick in for this time?

10:31 Guest Five years. Five years, and that's just craziness.

10:35 Adam No.

10:36 Guest Crazy.

10:36 Adam He'll get out sooner than that. Is he allowed to grow pot in prison?

10:40 Guest No.

10:41 Adam Oh, okay. I don't know. They have drugs in there.

10:43 Guest Right.

10:44 Adam Jesus Christ. The one drug they need to bring in to prison is wheat. Do you know what I mean?

10:49 Guest Well, you can get drugs in prison.

10:50 Adam A lot less of shivs and raping.

10:53 Guest What's a shiv?

10:54 Adam A shiv is like a makeshift knife you make out of a spoon.

10:58 Guest Oh, great. Or what's worse is to be raped by a shiv, I guess.

11:01 Adam Yeah. Ouch. Kent?

11:04 Yeah, hi.

11:04 Adam You're 15.

11:05 Caller Yeah.

11:06 Adam What's up?

11:07 Caller Oh, man. Well, about a week ago, I walked in in my living room and my next door neighbor's younger son was jacking off my dog.

11:17 Drew How old is the younger son?

11:18 Caller Huh?

11:19 Drew How old is this son?

11:20 Caller 13.

11:21 Adam Boy, talk about low self-esteem. You know what I mean? You're giving the dog a hand job.

11:27 Drew What did he say when he saw him?

11:28 Caller No, he didn't see me. I cracked the door open, I saw him, I was like shocked, so I closed it and walked out, and I was just like, oh, my God.

11:35 Oh, boy.

11:36 I just wanted to see the wet pink stick.

11:40 Adam Was it the, was it your neighbor's?

11:43 Caller It was my neighbor's son.

11:44 Adam And he was doing his dog or your dog?

11:46 Caller My dog.

11:46 Adam Oh, your dog.

11:47 Caller Yeah, because he's my friend, or my brother's.

11:50 Drew I wonder where the dog kept going next door.

11:51 Guest Did you say you're welcome? Did he say, no. No, what am I saying? Thank you. Yeah. All right.

11:58 Drew Andy, you had some interesting history with behavior.

12:02 Guest With dogs?

12:02 Drew That's what I'm asking.

12:04 Guest No, no, I had a friend.

12:05 Drew Fire, you had fire.

12:07 Guest I was a pyromaniac.

12:08 Adam He rimmed a possum once. That I remember.

12:13 Guest Possums have leprosy.

12:15 Adam Oh, they do?

12:16 Guest Yeah.

12:16 Drew They have a lot of interesting.

12:18 Guest They have leprosy. You can get leprosy from a possum.

12:20 Adam That's what Andy, a psychiatrist, told him when he heard about the incident. Anything to get the kid to stop.

12:28 Guest No, my friend, though, my friend, I actually witnessed my friend masturbate and let his little chihuahua lick up the po-cato-cum-what?

12:42 Adam Right. OK.

12:43 Drew OK, so you can't say that. Andy's done this.

12:46 Guest I didn't do it. I watched it.

12:48 Adam Hey, cat? Yeah, it didn't hurt the dog.

12:51 Drew No? I wouldn't be alone with that kid, though.

12:53 Caller What am I supposed to do about it?

12:56 Adam Just leave him alone.

12:58 Drew Should she tell her parents? Huh?

13:01 Guest Did the dog like it?

13:02 Drew Does he have a sibling your age?

13:04 Caller No.

13:04 Guest Was the dog liking it? Just tell me. I guess.

13:08 Caller I didn't really see it. I didn't want to walk.

13:09 Drew I would just stay away from this kid. That's the big thing.

13:12 Adam Here's something we don't talk about on this show too much.

13:14 Drew Is there anything we don't talk about?

13:17 Adam This is the thing. There's about 95% of life where it's like, well, you should do this or you should do that. You should tell this person. You should alert that person. You shouldn't go over there. And there's about the 5% life of do nothing. This is a definite do nothing for me. Just move on.

13:35 Drew Well, this was a...

13:36 Adam Don't confront the kid. Don't tell your parents. Don't talk to the dog. Just move on. That dog is a gay homosexual. That's right. Jeff?

13:44 Yeah.

13:44 Adam You're 22.

13:45 Caller Yeah.

13:46 Adam You're on with Andy Dick.

13:47 Caller Hi. How are you doing?

13:48 Guest Oh, I'm doing good. How are you?

13:49 I'm doing fine.

13:51 Guest Uh-oh. What's the problem?

13:52 Caller Me and my girlfriend have been having unprotected sex for like three months now.

13:56 Why?

13:57 Caller We're trying to get pregnant.

13:59 Drew A marriage?

14:01 Caller We're getting married June 24th.

14:03 Drew Do we have this discussion, Adam?

14:04 Caller Yeah.

14:05 Adam It's better to get married before you get pregnant. It just makes the wedding better.

14:11 Guest Is there more of a problem coming up though?

14:13 Caller Well, no. We just don't know why she's not getting pregnant.

14:17 Drew It's only been three months. What do you think? It happens magically, pow, immediately?

14:21 Caller Well, her doctor said that like two weeks after her period, she's more fertile.

14:27 Drew Yes.

14:27 Guest Sometimes it does happen magically, pow.

14:30 Drew Only when you don't want it to happen. Yeah. It's something that takes a while typically. If you go for a year and have trouble still, you might want to see a fertility doctor about it at that point.

14:42 Adam Hey, Jeff.

14:43 Guest One condom broke.

14:45 Adam Yeah. Here's how you can increase your chances. I'm serious. I've been doing the show for almost five years. Shut up.

14:53 Drew Go ahead.

14:54 Adam Drew, what's up with you? I'm going to cut you off the coffee for Christ's sake.

14:59 Drew We can't participate with you on these things?

15:00 Adam Yeah.

15:00 Drew Only you.

15:01 Guest Is it the Adam Carolla show?

15:03 Adam But when someone says, here's how you're going to do something.

15:07 Guest All right. Go.

15:08 Adam Tell us. Okay. All right. Now, I'm the bad guy.

15:11 Guest Now, I'm the asshole.

15:12 Adam Jeff? Yeah. You pull out a couple of your front teeth. Upper teeth is better. All right? Quit your job and take a condom. Cut the end off and wrap it around the base of your penis and your testicles when you're having sex. Okay? Okay. All right. That'll do it. And have a cousin and your sister move in with you. She'll be pregnant the next day. All right?

15:35 Drew But Jeff, there's all kinds of reasons that can impact on fertility. I don't know if you want me to list them, but just don't worry about it. It's only been three months.

15:42 Yes.

15:42 Adam You're 19.

15:43 Caller Yeah. I joined the Army about eight months ago. And I had a pretty serious girlfriend for about seven months when I left. And we broke up because I was leaving.

15:53 Guest It's going to be good.

15:54 Caller And when I went back over Christmas, my friend and her are dating, my best friend. And it's really awkward being around them for a couple of reasons. One, because I'll be with them and all of a sudden they'll go downstairs and I won't see them for a while. And two, well, I still have feelings for her. And it's hard to be around both of them at the same time.

16:14 Drew Don't hang out.

16:15 Guest Boring.

16:16 Adam You can't be around both of them for a while.

16:18 Drew No way.

16:20 Caller So I mean, but when I'm and I'm having my best friend. Well, I don't talk to him pretty much anymore.

16:26 Drew Yeah, that may be about it.

16:27 Adam And he may not be your best friend anymore.

16:30 Drew He might not have been.

16:31 Caller And my friends talked to him about it. And he pretty much said for me, you know, forget about him.

16:37 Drew For you to forget about him?

16:38 Caller No, for my best friend told him to my other friends, just forget about me because, you know, it's up to him.

16:46 Adam All right. Hey, Brian, I have no idea what you're saying.

16:49 Caller Okay.

16:49 Adam I'm glad you're in the army. Yes. They don't pay you to think, they pay to shoot.

16:54 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

16:54 Adam Okay, good. Listen, this is ex-girlfriend. I know you're hurting over it. We've all been there. She's gone. She's with an ex-boyfriend of yours. You're no longer friends with him.

17:05 Drew He's a dick. She's a pain in the neck.

17:07 Adam Give it a good six months. Maybe you can patch things up. I doubt it. This is it. All right? You find a new girl and you find new buddies.

17:16 Drew New life. 19 is a good time to be developing a whole new sort of network of friends.

17:20 Adam That's right.

17:21 Caller Okay.

17:21 Adam All right, Brian. Listen, Drew was more miserable than you are at 19. Believe me.

17:26 Caller All right.

17:26 Drew Believe me.

17:27 Caller All right.

17:29 Adam Drew, why were you so miserable?

17:30 Guest Did you ever smoke pot, Dr. Drew?

17:32 Adam Oh, yeah.

17:33 Drew Honestly. Yeah, but not. Actually, it did so much nothing for me that I lived on a floor of guys that smoke pot just constantly. Their position was I just didn't smoke enough pot.

17:46 Guest That's what I always would say to people who didn't get high. You need to smoke more.

17:52 Drew It only affects a certain biological set.

17:55 Guest Is that true?

17:56 Drew Oh, absolutely.

17:57 Guest It just does not affect you. It's just, really? Wow.

18:02 Adam I'm into it.

18:03 Guest You love it.

18:04 Drew No, addicts love it. I love it. It just sends me into heaven. That experience of I love it is absolutely universal amongst people that are addicted to it. They're addicted digitally. It's pow, now.

18:15 Guest Somebody told me yesterday literally that it has something to do with enzymes, that addicts' enzymes are different.

18:23 Drew Well, the entire structure of the brain is different in addicts, and it's really about what are called intracytoplastic messengers in the mesolimbic reward system.

18:32 Drew That's right.

18:32 Guest By the way, did you mention this? Almost a year.

18:36 Adam Really?

18:37 Guest Yeah, on the 18th.

18:38 Adam Congratulations.

18:38 Guest A year. Dr. Drew. A year.

18:41 Drew Oh my God.

18:43 Guest Okay. Scary.

18:45 Adam Yeah. And you seem just as high to me. And I mean that as a compliment. It hasn't added or detracted anything from you whatsoever. You're the same old dick we love. Susan?

19:00 Yeah.

19:01 Adam You're 26.

19:02 Caller Okay.

19:02 Adam All right.

19:03 Caller Thanks.

19:04 Adam All righty.

19:05 Guest What's up?

19:06 Caller Hi.

19:07 Adam Susan.

19:09 Guest She probably thought that you meant she was like 26th in line. No.

19:13 Caller I know. I'm 26 years old.

19:15 Adam What's your question?

19:16 Caller My question is, I've been on antidepressants for the past two months. And I've been seeing a therapist every week too. But my psychiatrist, after the first time I saw him, he told me that based on my history, in his opinion, I'd have to take antidepressants for the rest of my life.

19:35 Drew What was the diagnosis he gave you?

19:37 Caller Depression.

19:37 Guest What drug?

19:38 Drew That was it? Just depression?

19:39 Caller Well, I guess major depression. Five years ago, when I was in college, I was on solos for like a year, and I was diagnosed with depression, and it's in my family, and whatnot.

19:51 Guest Is she not allowed to mention the drug?

19:52 Caller I guess it's from how I told him that I felt, that he thinks I'm always going to have to take antidepressants, and that just concerns me.

19:59 Guest That depresses you more.

20:01 Caller Right, exactly.

20:02 Guest Well, but you have to take more.

20:03 Drew You've already made the beginning of a case for this, which is you've tried to come off them before, were unable to.

20:08 Caller Tried to what?

20:09 Drew You've tried to come off them before, and were unable.

20:11 Caller Yeah, and I did, and I felt OK for the past four years. I mean, I felt emotional.

20:15 Drew Susan, let me repeat myself. You tried to come off them, it was unsuccessful.

20:19 Caller Right.

20:20 Drew You have a strong family history of this, and those are lifelong histories.

20:24 Caller No, it's not a lifelong history. I don't know.

20:27 Drew I suspect there's a lot more here than just depression, by the way.

20:30 Adam Susan, you'd make a great trial attorney.

20:33 Caller I'm going to.

20:34 Adam Oh, my God. I'm so glad because here's Susan. She's like, no, no, no. It's not. I don't know. You may be right. Oh, Christ. You're right. He's guilty. I killed myself. But she, no, no, no. She's like, Drew, give me the line. Give me the line about the, you got off them.

20:52 Drew Yeah. You try to get off under presence once and we're unsuccessful.

20:55 Adam No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

20:58 Drew Strong family history.

20:59 Adam No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

21:02 Guest Let me try it.

21:03 Adam That's me.

21:03 Guest Let me try it. Can I do that? Can I do an acting scene?

21:07 Adam No. That was my scene.

21:09 Drew I see about Susan's history.

21:11 Guest I hurt him.

21:12 Adam Andy Dick is going to do a scene from Hurly Burly later on. All right. So, hey.

21:17 Drew Susan?

21:17 Adam Susan.

21:18 Drew The other thing that would cause psychiatry, and again, I'm just trying to understand what would make him say that to you, is if there was some serious history of abuse or chaos in your family. No, there is not. That would lead him to believe that there is what might be called a personality problem or a personality disorder.

21:32 Adam Also, Susan could have misread him where she said, am I going to have to stay on these goddamn pills for the rest of my life? And he said, I don't know.

21:39 Caller No, he said yes.

21:41 Drew Probably. Yes, probably.

21:42 Caller No, he said yes. In my opinion, you will take these for the rest of your life. And I couldn't really hear you, but did you say that there must have been abuse in my history?

21:50 Drew No, I said, I'm trying to figure out, boy, we're back.

21:55 Adam In fairness to him, though, he only thinks you're going to live to 28.

21:59 Drew I said I was trying to figure out what other things would cause a psychiatrist to tell you you would need antidepressants or psychotropic medication your whole life, and that would be personality disorders. And those are real common, and people have had some very heavy traumas in childhood.

22:12 Guest Do you do street drugs?

22:15 Caller I have.

22:17 Guest Because that's the thing I know you don't mix, right? You don't mix things. That's when people go psychotic and kill themselves or other people.

22:23 Drew The other way you end up antidepressant the rest of your life is to take a bunch of LSD.

22:27 Caller I'm scared you're cutting out. I can't resist.

22:28 Adam All right. Listen. Whenever someone calls this show and tries to make a case for something, they usually do a better job of making a case for the opposition. The more I talk to Susan, the more I thought, listen, not only do you need to be on these drugs, I'm going to get on some too when I'm talking to you. All right. So here's the deal, Susan. That's what I'd like to do, Drew. Can I do that? Can I have some Prozac, just three or four tablets I keep my pocket at all times when I have to deal with the people I have to deal with all day? I just pop one. People that should be on them, maybe they're ignoring their medication, maybe they're not going to the therapist. What about me? Why don't I just medicate myself? Give me some of those.

23:09 Drew Maybe that's not such a bad idea. Maybe not for that reason, but maybe it's not such a bad idea.

23:13 Adam No, no. Thank you, Drew. I appreciate the comment. I will keep a Prozac or some sort of serotonin reuptake inhibitor pellet in my mouth, between my teeth in the back like a Nazi war criminal with the Sinai tablet.

23:27 Guest Then when you run into me, you'll just swallow it.

23:30 Adam When I run into Andy, I just chomp down on it. All right. So, hey, Susan, here's what you can do, prove us, him and everyone wrong. Oh, shut up.

23:40 Drew It's dangerous.

23:42 Adam Hold on. Take your medication for now, do your therapy, go to law school, get your ass together, give it a few years, get your feet under you, and then we'll see. You can prove everyone wrong then, not tomorrow. Dan?

23:58 Drew Yeah.

23:58 Adam You're 20, what's up?

24:00 Caller Yeah.

24:01 Caller I was just wondering, I have a couple of warts on my hand, and I was wondering if those can spread to other areas.

24:12 Drew As I understand, yes, other areas, but you're worried about your genitalia, right? Yeah. As I understand, no, as I understand it can, but- Yeah, it never does, and only certain types of virus can.

24:23 Adam Every guy who ever had a wart on his hand would have it on his genitals.

24:26 Drew That's right.

24:27 Guest I have a radical therapy you can do for warts.

24:30 Drew Yeah.

24:31 Guest No, really, it's not a joke. Hydrogen, food-grade hydrogen peroxide baths.

24:37 Adam What is food-grade?

24:38 Guest Means that you can ingest it, you can drink it, but you have to dilute it. You pour a whole bottle of it in your bath and you take those baths for three days.

24:48 Adam Is this genital warts, I'm guessing?

24:50 Guest Maybe even those, yeah. But hand warts.

24:53 Adam If it's a hand wart, why don't you just submerge your hand in a bowl of it while you're watching TV?

24:57 Guest You can do that too. I read this book, The Cure for All Diseases.

25:00 Adam Oh, no.

25:01 Guest Did you ever read that, Hulda Clark?

25:02 Adam No, baby.

25:03 Guest What?

25:04 Adam Oh, Andy.

25:04 Guest I like it. I like it.

25:06 Adam Andy.

25:06 Guest Whatever. I like it.

25:07 Adam All right. We'll be right back.

25:09 Guest It's a good book.

25:09 Adam Holistic Andy, everybody. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Andy Dick is here. Alan Isaacman, the attorney for-

25:17 Guest I want to give a plug to my counselor, by the way.

25:20 Adam Todd McCormick.

25:21 Guest He's starting his own thing.

25:22 Adam Okay.

25:22 Guest Tony Lafarge.

25:24 Adam Hey, Andy.

25:24 Guest 310.

25:25 Adam Are you on your meds, buddy?

25:26 Guest 488.

25:27 Adam Get out the DSM forge room. All right. Thank you very much.

25:32 Guest 0490.

25:33 Adam We're going to take ourselves a quick break, and we'll be back with all that after this. Loveline. Be right back. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. All right, Andy Dick is in the studio. He is here talking tonight about the Spitfire Tour, which is going to benefit Todd McCormick. He's the local guy who grew a ton of weed, got himself thrown in the can, he got out, and I think he's back in.

26:36 Guest Todd, Todd, not me.

26:38 Adam Right. Alan Isaacman is here. Alan is going to be representing Todd McCormick also. He represents Larry Flint, and he's the guy who was portrayed by Ed Norton in The People vs. Larry Flint. So he's been around, been in front of the Supreme Court, and is now back. Not in front of the Supreme Court, but back to argue on behalf of the Little Stone Man. What's going on there, Alan?

27:07 Nice to be here, Adam. I'm happy to be here and happy to be representing Todd, and I think he's a very sympathetic person to represent and is trying to fight a good battle here.

27:18 Guest Did you win an Oscar, Alan?

27:20 No, I didn't. I didn't win an Oscar. I won a Supreme Court decision.

27:24 Adam You know what I like about attorneys and politicians? They'll work your first name in and nobody else does that. Like they'll be up there and they'll go, Bert, I'm glad you asked me that. It's like something you learn when you win people over. There's something in the front of every book that says, call the guy by his first name.

27:41 Guest Did you call me Andy? I didn't catch that.

27:43 Drew No, you got Adam. He's talking to Adam. He'll get to you, Adam.

27:46 Adam We're going to shut Andy's mic in a second.

27:47 Drew What's your name again?

27:49 Adam All right. So, Alan, explain the situation. Is Todd currently incarcerated?

27:56 Yes, he's currently incarcerated and he's serving at this point a five-year sentence that was imposed by the judge pursuant to a stipulated agreement. And Todd agreed to the five-year sentence in order to get a right to appeal the exclusion of his medical necessity defense from the trial that would have happened. In other words, he had a choice. He could have gone to trial facing three charges of ten-year minimum mandatory penalties if he lost. And if he had gone to trial then, the judge had already ruled that he could not argue medical necessity or Proposition 215, the Compassionate Use Act or anything like that.

28:38 Adam Why, how can you do that? I mean, how can you predetermine you can't make a certain argument? I mean, I know it does go on, but this is the basis of his argument, of his innocence.

28:49 You're absolutely right about it. And what you have in this situation is you have federal charges in federal court. And on the other hand, you have a state initiative which is passed by an overwhelming majority, the people of California, which resulted in a law saying that people in California may possess and use marijuana on a doctor's recommendation or doctor's approval for medical needs.

29:14 Adam Right.

29:15 The federal government doesn't recognize that law.

29:17 Adam Right.

29:17 And there's a federal law, Controlled Substances Act, and this court interpreted the Controlled Substances Act as predominating over the state law and said that we don't care whether there's a medical necessity or not. That's not a viable defense, and you can't even raise it to the jury, and you can't even tell them why you say you were growing the marijuana.

29:39 Adam It really just doesn't sound like a great system when you have an argument you'd like to make for your innocence, and the judge tells you in advance you can't use that argument when it's your only argument, but be that as it may.

29:51 Guest Was it hard doing scenes with-

29:53 Adam Here's my friend Andy Dick with a question.

29:54 Guest Was it hard doing scenes with Courtney Love because they were drinking and all when you were doing-

30:00 Adam Ed Norton played him.

30:01 Guest Oh, right. I see.

30:03 Adam I got it.

30:05 Guest He got an Oscar though.

30:06 Adam In the movie.

30:06 Guest Did he? Did he get an Oscar?

30:07 Adam I don't think he won an Oscar for that, but I don't know who won Best Supporting.

30:12 Guest I'm glad to see you out of your wheelchair. That's great.

30:16 Adam Shut Andy Dick's mic off for not only tonight, but if he has a microphone, anywhere else, I'd like that shut off as well on stage.

30:23 Guest It's good to see you out of that wheelchair, Alan.

30:25 Thanks, Andy.

30:26 Adam Hey, Alan, here's what I'm most interested in, is a taxpayer. Because this seems to be much ado about nothing. It really does. And it seems to be tying up a lot of people who get paid a lot an hour. And what does something like this cost? I mean, what does it cost the federal government? Well, do you have any idea?

30:47 Caller When you say cost, there are, you know, you can, you can...

30:50 Adam I know it just keeps going forever.

30:52 Caller Forever. And you talk about the cost of incarceration, and you realize that most people that are in jail are in jail for drug-related offenses. You talk about the amount of law enforcement personnel that are dedicated to fighting drugs and to putting people in custody for drug-related matters. You talk about the people at home who are, you know, have home invasion robberies and things like that in order to get drug money. I mean, where do you draw the line?

31:15 Adam Well, I go through the roof when I think about how much, what percentage of crime is drug-motivated. And when I say that, I mean, let's legalize it. See, people look at it as if we legalize drugs, we're going to have a bunch of crazed druggies running the street causing crime. But the reality is, is the crime comes with the legalization. You make booze illegal and you see what happens. Now we have the mafia. You make anything somebody wants illegal and they got to now break into your house and steal your stereo in order to buy it. If it was a tenth the price and available, obviously they don't need your stereo for that. But I know, and it's like counting grains of sand at the beach and they can't even begin to go down that route. But what I'm saying is, it's just the Todd McCormick case. For what it costs for the judges, for the courts, for his representations and all that kind of stuff, how much does something like that roughly cost us, the taxpayers?

32:13 Caller Well, I don't think there's any question that if you put a fair value on the court's time and on the prosecutor's time, the expert witnesses who were involved in this case, and on the defense counsel time, you will find that it runs into at least the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

32:31 Adam Right. That we're essentially throwing out the window because Todd McCormick is 5'6, he goes about 125 pounds.

32:40 Guest And he's the nicest guy ever.

32:41 Adam He does not pose a threat to anybody. And I'm not interested in people who don't pose a threat to me or the rest of society.

32:47 Guest I love Todd. And if he can hear us, he's in prison right now. I just want to say hi if he can hear us. Hi, Todd. We love you.

32:54 Caller Understand one thing about this and that is that Todd had a choice. He could have gone to trial, as I explained, or he could have pled guilty with waiving, that is, giving up the right to appeal, in which case there would not have been a specific sentence the judge had to impose. It could have been anywhere up from no time to five years in prison.

33:14 Adam Right.

33:14 Caller Or he could have pled guilty under the arrangement that was made with him, and preserved his right to appeal on the basis of this medical necessity defense. But if he did that, he had to agree to a five-year sentence.

33:27 Adam But you guys are going to win this one quite easily, because...

33:31 Drew It's a big deal.

33:32 Adam No, no, no, no.

33:33 Caller It's a federal case, right?

33:35 Drew In the state court, he'd win it, but there's no such thing in the federal court.

33:37 Adam He's still going to win it. He has a great representation.

33:41 Drew But this could be a big deal. It's the Harrison Act, really, that's the basis of all of our drug laws, isn't it? The Harrison Act in 1911 and 1912.

33:47 Caller It goes way back, but there's a controlled substances.

33:50 Adam John Hennies, Mike, please.

33:52 Drew Are you going to ask that be looked at as a... Because I think that's the thing that's happened. That is a draconian medieval document.

34:00 Caller You know that... I don't mean to interrupt you, Dr. Drew, but you know that your point is well taken, that marijuana is classified under the Controlled Substances Act the same as heroin. It's a Class I controlled substance, as opposed to cocaine, for example, which is a Class II controlled substance, which means that doctors under certain circumstances can prescribe that kind of thing.

34:22 Adam Drew got me a kilo just last week. It's still in the trunk of my car, but if you guys need, you know, need a quick powder or something, you know, a little boost for the rest of the show.

34:35 Caller Andy, come back here.

34:36 Adam All right. Andy's trying to get in my trunk of my car with a popsicle stick in his teeth.

34:41 Guest Oh, no, no.

34:42 Adam All right.

34:43 Guest I'd go directly to jail. Do not pass go.

34:46 Adam I'm sorry. So, Alan, when is the court date and how confident are you?

34:50 Caller Well, we don't have a court date.

34:52 Guest But I could pick up a community card chest piece.

34:55 Adam Shut Andy's mind, please.

34:57 Caller I'm relatively confident on the basis for our appeal. We already have two Ninth Circuit decisions which have recently come down in different contexts, which recognize that medical necessity may be a viable defense. And I think the Ninth Circuit will probably rule the same way in our case, which will send it back down in the trial court.

35:17 Adam What was Todd doing that got him back in prison? Was he growing as much as he was growing before? Was he just using? Did he violate his parole by just having any amount on him?

35:29 Guest I think there was an auto act. I think he was speeding or something in his car and he happened to have some on him or something.

35:36 Caller Well, he got his bond revoked because he was driving down a highway and was stopped by the highway patrol. And there was a suspicion that he had marijuana and the highway patrol and he had a little encounter and then he ended up being brought back in front of the federal court because when you're on bond, you have to obey all laws. And one of the conditions of his release was that he not smoke marijuana.

36:05 Adam And did he have a confrontation with the highway patrol guys?

36:09 Caller Well, it's a confrontation in a sense. I mean, he didn't stick around and they had to go after him again.

36:15 Adam I see. I'll tell you one thing about this Todd McCormick. He got a love for a guy who's been dying of cancer for the last 20 years. He moves pretty good. He gets around. He tries to outrun the cops. He's all over the talk show circuit. This guy's been dying of cancer for 25 years. Nobody lives a more active lifestyle. And I know that's because he smokes marijuana.

36:37 Caller Please.

36:38 Adam You're lucky I'm not fighting against you. I get Drew right up there to tell you, listen, the guy's a hesher. Case closed.

36:45 Caller I think he is energized.

36:46 Adam Oh, he certainly does have energy.

36:48 Caller He's energized by his belief in his cause. I think he really is a believer in the virtues of what he represents.

36:54 Adam Well, I wholeheartedly agree. The argument here isn't whether marijuana is good or evil. The argument is whether we have the choice as citizens of a free country to make our own goddamn minds up. Of course, we do about 99 percent of everything else. Why not this? If Todd McCormick thinks marijuana helps him or he thinks he has cancer, if anyone thinks they have cancer and think marijuana helps them, then good. Smoke your head off. It's your business. That's it. If you can't pay your bills, if you can't pay your taxes, that's another story. But as long as you're paying your taxes and registering your car, and not shooting anybody, then smoke all you want. That's the way it is. I mean, it's the same with-

37:37 Drew You met in other victimless crimes. You met a guy on an airplane, remember? Wasn't that you riding a plane?

37:42 Adam Yeah. He gave me a book on victimless crimes. If people really knew the numbers behind victimless crimes, not only drugs, but things like prostitution and other crimes, consensual crimes where there's just no victim. If they knew the amount of money this government spends locking these people up, keeping them incarcerated, the judges, the bailiffs, the parole officers, the amount of time, and the amount of violent criminals that have to be set free to make room for guys like Todd McCormick, who are going to be used like a bottle brush for some big black guy's anus when he's in prison. Ouch! Thank you. Then they would be outraged. I mean, the reality is, is you want people in who are going to do harm to you, not to themselves. And even then, they're not doing harm to themselves. I mean, if some guy wants to bang a hooker, let him bang a hooker. If he wants to smoke a joint while he's banging the hooker, that is all his business. If he wants to hold me up at the ATM, if he wants to carjack me, if he wants to invade my home, then he needs to be incarcerated. And I certainly don't want that guy out on the street to make room for Todd McCormick. That's the part that drives me insane. And I don't think people really know the true numbers behind this. And it is staggering. We touched on it just a little bit earlier in the evening. But I mean, the percentages of people behind the money that it cost, what we could do with that money, it's staggering.

39:14 Caller You're absolutely right. And there's a lot of vested interests in maintaining the status quo and keeping it going just because of that money that you're talking about.

39:24 Adam Why? You mean you're talking about DEA agents not wanting to be out of jobs?

39:30 Caller There are a lot of people who have jobs based on that. If we didn't need as many prisons because of that, we wouldn't need as many prison guards if we didn't. Our border patrol and our DEA and our customs and all the people who spend so much time on the drug wars. People that go down to these Latin American countries and all the aid that goes back and forth because of that. It's a huge infrastructure based on the so-called drug war and keeping drugs in the hands only of those people who are willing to break the law to engage in the sale of drugs.

40:12 Adam There's a sort of fundamental layout of the whole thing that just doesn't work and that's prohibition. It's just the people you don't want to make the money, make the money and the victims are the little people.

40:25 Guest Edward Norton played you in the People vs. Larry play. But like in Aaron Brockovich, did you like play a waiter or a waitress in the?

40:35 Caller No, actually, Aaron Brockovich, his boss is somebody who's on the other side of a case or two that I have right now.

40:45 Guest So we run into each other. Did you have a small part in the movie?

40:49 Caller Not Aaron Brockovich.

40:51 Guest No, not that one.

40:52 Adam He was.

40:54 Guest Do you act at all? When you went up in front of the Supreme Court, one time only?

40:59 Caller One time only.

41:00 Guest That's right. Many people, most people never see the Supreme Court ever.

41:05 Adam Forty to fifty percent of the population never gets to speak in front of the Supreme Court.

41:08 Guest Was that hard? I just want to ask, was that like kind of like acting?

41:11 Caller Yes, it was kind of like acting. You won, but it was fun.

41:13 Guest Not only do people not go up in front of them, but they never probably win, right? Their case. Or wait, well someone has to win.

41:21 Adam Hey Andy.

41:21 Guest Someone has to win.

41:22 Adam Andy.

41:24 Guest There's always a winner, I guess. There's one winner and one loser.

41:27 Adam We got to take a little break. Alan Isaacman is sitting in. He's the attorney for Todd McCormick. He also played Norma Ray in the movie from the same name in the 1970s. Andy Dick is here. We're going to shut his...

41:43 Guest I'm just listening in.

41:44 Adam We're going to turn his mic on during the commercials as a courtesy to Andy and his management, but we'll be shutting it off when the show begins again in about five minutes.

41:57 Guest Great.

41:58 We'll be back with more Loveline.

42:32 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Andy Dick is our guest tonight. Andy Dick is doing something this Sunday with his hip friends, among others. Perry Farrell, Spearhead's gonna be there. Larry Flint, Bill Maher, Exine Servenka. A joy, a joy to be around. I'd love to hear her speak.

42:54 Guest Usually Jello Biafra is amongst us.

42:57 Adam Yeah, where is Jello?

42:59 Guest He's in, yeah, the Dead Kennedys. He is defending himself because in Washington, I think, with something with his band suing him.

43:08 Adam I think Nabisco has a suit against him for stealing his name.

43:11 Guest No, I think it has something to do with stealing his name. With like a corporation wanting to use a Dead Kennedys song in an ad. And he, you know, he didn't want to do that. And now the band's angry.

43:22 Adam What, Disney wants to use Holiday in Cambodia as part of their new summer campaign. And Jello's having none of it. What the hell kind of Dead Kennedys song does any corporation want to use?

43:38 Guest I think it was a Levi's ad.

43:39 Adam Oh, everyone's getting hip. Also Alan Isaacman is here tonight. He is an attorney. He's representing Todd McCormick. He was best known for being portrayed by Ed Norton in The People versus Larry Flint. He's Larry Flint's attorney and that in itself seems like a full-time gig to me. I mean that just as an attorney when Larry Flint signs on, that's got to be a dream gig.

44:02 Guest I'll tell you, because Ed Norton probably gets himself into a lot of scrapes, so you probably have your hands full.

44:09 Adam All right, let's shut Andy's mic again. Thank you. How much your free time is spent on Larry Flint and his various debacles?

44:17 Caller Well, Larry's been a very active individual, and he's a successful businessman, and I get a lot of his...

44:24 Guest He's been a very active law breaker...

44:26 Caller .get a lot of his litigation matters and other legal matters, and it's been fun because they've been interesting over the years.

44:34 Adam Yeah, and when you represent Larry Flint, it seems like at least from seeing the movie, he's not the kind of guy who sort of sits back and lets you do the driving.

44:43 Guest He does a lot of sitting.

44:45 Adam Well, yes, he sits back and does the rolling, but what I'm saying is...

44:49 Guest I made the lawyer laugh.

44:50 Adam There must be times when you've said to Larry, listen, I'm the one with the degree, I'm the one who passed the bar quite down, and let me do the talking.

45:00 Caller Well, you know, he's a smart individual, and he knows when you get in the courtroom that he picks a lawyer he's got confidence in, and then he lets the lawyer handle the legal work. And that's what I do. I mean, he doesn't run the case in the courtroom. He doesn't try to. If he has suggestions, he'll raise them, and he always has, you know, good ideas. But he doesn't try to tell me how to, you know, run a case just like I don't tell him how to publish a magazine.

45:28 Adam But you guys did have, at least according to the People vs. Larry Flint, an adversarial relationship at certain times in your relationship. I mean, there are times when you told him, like, sit down and shut up, and he moutht off anyway. Did that really go on?

45:43 Caller Well, it didn't go on exactly like it was portrayed in the movie, but there were times when he did want to represent himself back in the early 80s, and the court would appoint me to represent him in those situations.

45:55 Guest How long did he go out with Courtney Love?

45:57 Caller You know, I'm not a liberty to say. Okay, Andy, thanks.

46:01 Adam All right, so Alan has his work cut out for him with Todd McCormick, whose court date has not been set yet.

46:08 Guest Also, by the way-

46:09 Caller The appeal has not been set, that's correct.

46:11 Guest Right. He is part of the Spitfire Tour. I don't know if you know that. He's usually on tour with us speaking about all of this.

46:19 Adam Alan.

46:20 Caller Todd.

46:20 Guest No, no, Todd.

46:21 Adam Yes.

46:21 Guest Yeah, Todd is, and now we're all speaking about him and his kids.

46:26 Drew Was that that tour, Adam, that we followed down at Clemson?

46:29 Adam Yes, I think we showed up at the University of Clemson, do a little speaking engagement. We asked him who the last people that spoke at this engagement was. At the University was, and they said it was a Spitfire Tour. Basically, they just smoke pot.

46:42 Guest If you can't say anything nice, do not say anything at all.

46:46 Adam I'm going to say three words, smoke pot, rape. Those are the three words that come to mind when I hear. Well, just to hear them tell it, that's all. It's just like a van full of stoners pulled up and tried to nail every co-ed in the place.

47:01 Guest That's not true. You're thinking of the Andy Dick Circus of Freaks 1998 Tour.

47:06 Adam That could be confused. Probably. All right. So let's see. Well, actually, geez, it's time to go to break again. Drew, you want to say anything? Let me ask, since we have an attorney in here, let me shift gears for a second. Alan, Drew and I get paid the same amount of money for doing this show. Just your observation of what has gone on in the last hour of the show, would you say that's fair that we split it right down the middle?

47:37 Drew That I don't make more, isn't it?

47:38 Caller I think it's very unfair in that you're both really highly underpaid.

47:44 Adam That's good. But in the NFL, hypothetical question, who gets paid more, the quarterback or the guy who does the long snaps for the punts? You know what I'm saying?

47:56 Caller Yeah, no, I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. And I don't know anything about who gets paid more here. And of course, Dr. Drew hasn't been speaking up on this. So I don't know if he agrees with you or not.

48:07 Adam The silence is deafening. We get paid the same. And I believe that's a grave miscarriage of justice.

48:13 Guest I get nothing.

48:14 Caller Well, do we want to put it all out on the table, exactly how much we're talking about here? And maybe we can negotiate an increase somewhere?

48:22 Adam I don't want to get paid more. Don't get me wrong. I want Drew to get paid less. That's my angle on this whole thing. All right, we're going to take a little break. Alan, thank you for dropping in and filling us in on the Todd McCormick case. Andy Dick's mic will be turned back on and he'll bring in a couple of the Bitches of the Century and we're going to hear some music after this.

48:44 Guest Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back in a minute.

48:47 Adam Well, it's worth hearing. Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. We like to call him the silent one. He doesn't talk much, but he doesn't do much either. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Thank God he has his computer to keep him company. Sorry for inconveniencing you, inconveniencing you, Drew, with the show.

49:49 Drew Very well. I'm having anal sex, my boy.

49:51 Adam Okay, Drew, the mic is on, buddy. I know you're not used to it.

49:56 Guest What happened there?

49:57 Adam Andy Dick is our guest tonight. You can find him at the House of Blues coming up this Sunday for the Spitfire Tour, raising money for a drug addict. Now, Jeff Harris and Andrew Sherman are both here. Well now, Jeff, are you one of the bitches?

50:16 Guest He's an official bitch of the century.

50:18 Adam Official bitch? You just nod your head.

50:20 Okay.

50:22 Adam And Andrew, of course, is a veteran bitch. And we're going to hear something from Andy. Now, Andy, are you and the bitches going to be playing coming up this Sunday at the House of Blues?

50:34 Guest Yeah, we usually do like one or two numbers that relate to whatever topic we're talking about in the Spitfire Tour.

50:42 Adam Right. So you got a couple numbers worked up for the House of Blues this Sunday.

50:46 Guest Right.

50:46 Adam All right. And what are you going to do for us tonight?

50:49 Guest Nothing that we're going to be doing on that tour. Something different.

50:52 Adam So if we hate...

50:53 Guest No, because we only do two songs on that tour. So if I did them now, you wouldn't come on Sunday. So we're going to do something else from our show at the Mint.

50:59 Adam All right.

50:59 Guest Which we do every Sunday also.

51:01 Adam Folks, if you're listening and you hate this song, you can look forward to not hearing it on Sunday. Is that what you're saying, Andy?

51:07 Guest Exactly. We're just a small portion of the Spitfire Tour. There's a lot of fun stuff.

51:12 Adam Well, you got Larry Flint, Bill Maher, Maxine Cervanca. Joy.

51:16 Guest It's crazy.

51:16 Adam It's absolute joy.

51:17 Guest It's crazy, crazy, crazy.

51:18 Adam She's a joy to be around.

51:20 Guest Just because she had one bad night with you.

51:22 Adam I'm not saying anything bad about it. I'm saying the woman is a joy. Joy to be with.

51:27 Guest Anyways, this song that we're going to do was inspired by my friend here, Andrew Sherman, the only Jew in the band, said to me, do you realize that you drag your feet when you walk? And me, the sharp wit that I am without skipping a beat, I said that's because I'm sick of walking.

51:51 Adam Yeah.

51:51 Guest Isn't that sweet? Then I went home and I wrote a song.

51:53 Adam Okay. And here it is.

51:55 Drew Go.

54:43 Let's push it out.

54:45 Guest We can act like an imbecile. I asked my friends to carry me. They would not comply. The bastards don't come around much now, and I think I probably know why. My girl and me are splits, Andy Dick, everybody.

55:37 Adam Jeff Harris and Andrew Sherman. An inspired version, Andy.

55:41 Drew Thank you.

55:42 Adam I've heard the song before, but never as inspired as that.

55:45 Drew Always scares me a little bit when Andy sings.

55:48 Guest You should come to the live show. You'll be frightened.

55:52 Drew I saw him strike one of the band members once.

55:55 Adam Well, he did have it coming. I think he dropped a chord or something.

55:58 Guest He's mellowing out though in his space.

55:59 Adam Oh, yeah.

56:00 Guest I am.

56:01 Drew Yeah.

56:01 Adam Andrew, he hasn't hit you in a while. He hasn't given you a dead like.

56:04 Drew He was.

56:04 Now he did, but that was kind of cute.

56:06 Guest I hit them daily.

56:07 Adam That was a love tap. I should come to the show, Andy, but about every three weeks you come in here and play. So I figure.

56:15 Guest But we only play the songs here that we can't play.

56:20 Adam Well, you play.

56:21 Guest That we can play. Yeah, because at the show, we have, there's bits. It's not just music. There's these bits that will frighten you. Even if I describe them to you, you will still be frightened.

56:31 Adam But I'm scared now.

56:32 Guest Well, but you should come because it is fun. It really is.

56:36 Adam People love it.

56:38 Guest We get fun people. You know who came two weeks ago? Well, none of us know her, Julia Stiles from 10 Things I Hate About You.

56:44 Adam Really?

56:45 Guest She just showed up.

56:45 Adam Did she sit in?

56:47 Guest No.

56:48 Adam She sat down.

56:49 Guest She sat down and watched. All right.

56:51 Adam Where are you on Sunday nights?

56:53 Guest The Mint.

56:53 Adam That's right.

56:54 Guest The Mint. I hate 30.

56:56 Adam I gave you a good plug.

56:57 Guest Yeah, you did that. Thank you.

56:58 Adam Did you hear that last time we spoke?

57:00 Guest Yeah. Well, and it helped. People are coming like Juliet, F in style.

57:05 Adam Well, listen, you should have a following, Andy. You really should.

57:10 Guest Thanks.

57:10 Adam All right. Let's hop back on the phones and speak to Carl, who's 16. Carl?

57:16 Hey, Adam. Hey. I just want to let you know before we get started that you're going to have an intense conversation with me.

57:23 Drew What? Thank you.

57:24 Because I know you had a difficult night last night with the people.

57:27 Adam I did.

57:28 Guest Who was it last night?

57:29 People. Last night.

57:31 Adam Everybody.

57:32 Caller Yeah, everybody gave him crap.

57:34 Adam Yeah, they had a rough night. That's all right. I'm back. What's up, girl?

57:37 Caller All right. My problem is I'm 16. I'm 5'11. I'm 140 pounds. I'm a good-looking guy. I'm attractive. But I can't get any girls no matter how hard it is. I mean, I don't even try hard. You know how you say you got to get your crap together? These guys, they got to get their stuff together. And the ladies will follow. I have my stuff together. I get straight A's. I hang out with friends. I'm not a dork.

58:00 Adam That rule doesn't apply in high school.

58:03 Drew Yeah. By crap together, he means like when you're 24.

58:06 Adam Yes. You being part of the speech and debate, having straight A's in the Medrinas Escuderos Club, is not going to get you tail in...

58:14 Caller I'm not in that. I'm not in any of that.

58:16 Adam Okay. Good. It's not going to get you tail in high school. Later on in life, it will translate into tail because you'll take those good grades. You'll go to college. You'll become an attorney. You'll become a doctor. You'll get a Porsche. You'll get one of those members-only jackets. And that's when the chicks will start falling at your feet. Right now, you're on the long-term plan, Carl. Yeah. Here's the deal with Puntang, as far as I can tell. You either get some in high school or you get some later.

58:45 Drew What do you mean? Not both?

58:47 Adam It's not usually both. And it can be you don't get any ever. Oh, crap. But if you're a good... Wait a minute, though, Carl. Carl, if you're a good looking guy and you're getting good grades, you're on the later plan. You've put a down... With your grades, you've put a down payment on Puntang. You understand?

59:06 Caller Which is better, though, now or later?

59:08 Guest Later. Later's better. Later. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

59:11 Caller Because I hang out with my friends and they get all the girls, all the good-looking ones, and then I have to put up with their immature, ugly friends.

59:22 Adam Well, listen, you got to start somewhere, Carl.

59:25 Caller But you know what I'm saying?

59:26 Adam I know.

59:27 Caller One hot girl and then like three ugly ones.

59:30 Adam It's rough.

59:31 Caller Yeah.

59:31 Adam Yeah, I know it's tough. I mean, look at me, I got no tail in high school, but look at me now, I barely get any tail. But that's still not no tail. You know what I'm saying?

59:40 Caller Yeah, but you got a million dollars.

59:42 Adam Yes, I'm literally a millionaire. Thank you, Carl. I was one of the few guys in high school, I got so little trim that I actually owed tail. Like there's a lot of guys who just don't get laid, I owed a BJ. I was in the hole. I was overdrawn for BJs. You don't find guys that go subterranean that way. Usually, they just bottom out, but I tunneled. I really did. I couldn't get anything in high school.

1:00:09 Drew You're speaking literally, look at these bongo drums.

1:00:11 Adam Yeah.

1:00:11 Drew These are like bongo drums.

1:00:13 Adam Yeah.

1:00:13 Guest Those are called the congas.

1:00:15 Drew They're like cartoon bongos.

1:00:17 Guest They're congas.

1:00:18 Adam It's the one Desi Lou played. Yeah. Yeah. Jeff, you get a certain amount of tail just from my toting those drums around in your truck, right?

1:00:26 Caller I was kind of feeling lucky after what you said.

1:00:28 It wasn't too long ago that I graduated high school.

1:00:31 Adam Oh, it wasn't?

1:00:32 Caller I didn't get any tail in high school.

1:00:33 Adam Oh, all right. Well, you're due for a payday soon, brother.

1:00:36 Drew I'm feeling good about it, actually, at this point.

1:00:38 Adam Well, you grew your hair out.

1:00:39 Guest How old are you, by the way?

1:00:40 Adam You got the soul patch.

1:00:41 Guest You're 22.

1:00:42 Adam All right. You're due for some tail. Yeah. Now, believe me, you are.

1:00:46 It's on its way, I think.

1:00:47 Adam Lee?

1:00:48 Yes.

1:00:48 Adam You're 25.

1:00:49 Caller Yes.

1:00:50 Adam What's up?

1:00:52 Caller I had a dream the other night about my babysitter.

1:00:56 Drew The babysitter from when you were a child?

1:00:58 Caller No, babysitter, my children's babysitter, a sexual dream about her.

1:01:02 Drew Are you married?

1:01:04 Caller Yes.

1:01:04 Drew Are you going okay?

1:01:06 Caller Yes.

1:01:07 Adam How old is the babysitter?

1:01:09 Caller 18.

1:01:11 Adam She's attractive female?

1:01:14 Caller Yes, she's a cute girl.

1:01:15 Guest Dreams are fine. I honestly, I think a couple of weeks ago, I had a weird dream about not even an animal that you would see on this earth. It was like a creature.

1:01:25 Drew Yeah.

1:01:25 Guest It was a sexual dream about a creature.

1:01:27 Drew I mean, Andy, please.

1:01:29 Guest But there's nothing I can do about that because I can't even find that creature if I look for it. But I'm just saying dreams. I'm very serious too, that dreams are okay. Dreams are okay. It doesn't mean you're a lesbian.

1:01:41 Adam Andy cornhole the unicorn. He told me during the break. I think he said Pegasus.

1:01:49 Oh, God.

1:01:51 Adam All right.

1:01:52 Caller I mounted a Pegasus. I cornhole it.

1:01:55 Oh, no.

1:01:57 Guest Oh, no.

1:01:59 Adam Hey, Lee. Here's the deal. You dreaming about this is not a problem. You worried that you dreamt about it is a problem. Do you know what I'm saying? Because we all dream about whatever and we never think about it. We don't worry about it. But if you feel like, hey, maybe there is something here, maybe you do have some lesbian feelings or tendencies, then maybe it is something to talk about. Do you feel that way?

1:02:26 Caller I never did before.

1:02:28 Adam Do you feel that way now?

1:02:30 Caller I've thought about it now, yes.

1:02:31 Guest It's okay if you do.

1:02:32 Drew You feel like that is some sort of burgeoning feeling that is coming forth.

1:02:37 Adam Right. Okay.

1:02:38 Drew It was real. It wasn't just, oh well, it wasn't that a funny dream.

1:02:42 Adam Right. I'm going to do the speaking for it, since she has difficulty. Do you have a vagina in your mouth now, Lee, or can you talk?

1:02:48 Guest I can talk.

1:02:49 Adam I see.

1:02:50 Guest All right. So, hey, Lee. Look, a winged horse.

1:02:59 Adam All right.

1:02:59 Guest Come here, buddy.

1:03:00 Adam Lee?

1:03:01 Guest Yes.

1:03:01 Adam Let me.

1:03:06 Guest It flies away with my tongue stuck in its butt. I'm hanging from it with my tongue.

1:03:15 Adam Where are you going, baby? Oh, you got to pick Hercules up from Mount Olympus. But that's not for another half hour. Come here. Hey, don't be uptight. All right. Lee?

1:03:26 Caller Yeah.

1:03:27 Adam You got kids. Yes. You're married. Focus on that. If you're having some difficulty in your marriage, which maybe are and maybe that's what's causing you to look this other direction, then look back at the marriage and work on that. Right? All right, Lee?

1:03:43 Drew Be a good mom.

1:03:44 Caller All right. Thanks.

1:03:44 Guest Good mom.

1:03:45 Drew God bless you.

1:03:46 Adam There you go. God bless and enjoy. Joe?

1:03:49 Guest I'm being serious.

1:03:51 Adam Joe?

1:03:52 Oh, Joe's asleep.

1:03:53 Adam Joe's been on hold for 97 minutes.

1:03:55 Drew Joe, Joe, Joe, wake up!

1:04:05 Adam Yeah, I can hear the breathing.

1:04:07 He's totally asleep.

1:04:09 Wake up, Joe.

1:04:10 Caller It's me, Lucifer.

1:04:12 Adam I guess he really enjoyed that last Andy Dick song.

1:04:16 Guest Thanks a lot.

1:04:18 Adam No, he probably passed out.

1:04:20 Guest Well, it put him to sleep in a good way.

1:04:22 Adam Yeah.

1:04:22 Guest In a good way. It's a very relaxing song.

1:04:24 Adam He's banging a Pegasus right now, Mr. Andy. All right. Come here, boy. Put Joe back on hold. Sandy?

1:04:33 Yeah.

1:04:33 Adam You're 20?

1:04:34 Caller Uh-huh.

1:04:35 Adam What's up?

1:04:36 Caller Okay.

1:04:37 Guest If you married me, you'd be Sandy Dick.

1:04:41 Caller Delicious.

1:04:44 Caller Ouch.

1:04:45 Guest Anywho.

1:04:47 Caller Anywho. I have dreams and fantasies of guys way older than me, taking advantage of me and that's about the only guys I have sex with are guys in their late 30s or early 40s.

1:04:58 Guest Give me your number. I need to talk to you.

1:05:03 Caller When we're on hold, I'll give you my number.

1:05:05 Guest I did that one time and I did that. Some girl really wanted to talk to me. Remember when I was here and I went in the other room and I said hi? Somehow it came out that she weighed over 300 pounds.

1:05:15 Caller Oh, I don't weigh that much. I'm sorry.

1:05:18 Guest What was that?

1:05:20 Adam Hey, Sandy, where's your dad?

1:05:23 Caller At home.

1:05:23 Adam Do you love him?

1:05:25 Yeah.

1:05:26 Adam Uh-oh. Yeah?

1:05:27 Yeah.

1:05:28 Adam Kind of?

1:05:29 Caller No, I do.

1:05:29 Adam What's wrong with him?

1:05:32 Caller Nothing's wrong with him. I mean, he was recovering alcoholic, but that was before I was born.

1:05:38 Drew He went into recovery before you were born?

1:05:40 Caller Uh-huh.

1:05:41 Drew How's his recovery going?

1:05:42 Caller Good.

1:05:43 Adam So he was good. He was not drunk while you were growing up with him.

1:05:47 Caller That's right.

1:05:48 Adam He was a good father to you?

1:05:50 Caller Yeah.

1:05:51 Adam He didn't neglect you?

1:05:53 Drew Didn't cheat on your mom?

1:05:54 Guest Do you know what neglect just means, like, not really being there a lot?

1:05:57 Caller No. He was there for me.

1:06:00 Guest He took you out a lot? He took you out?

1:06:02 Caller Yeah.

1:06:02 Guest Played with you and all that?

1:06:03 Drew Did he cheat on your mom?

1:06:04 Caller Huh?

1:06:05 Drew Did he cheat on your mom?

1:06:07 Adam All right. Well, then stop humiliating him by banging these older folks.

1:06:12 Caller I just...

1:06:13 Adam I mean, that's my answer. Listen, most women, younger women who go out and hook up with guys that are quite a bit older than they are, it has to do... It's a daddy thing. Yeah.

1:06:23 Caller That's why I'm calling you.

1:06:24 Adam And there's issues with daddy, but you have no issues with your dad.

1:06:27 Drew According to you, everything's perfect there.

1:06:29 Caller Well, like, the dreams I have and stuff, it's like when I was younger, it's like me being younger and some other guy taking advantage of me.

1:06:37 Drew Did that ever actually happen to you when you were a little kid?

1:06:40 Caller No. I don't... You know, not that I remember.

1:06:43 Adam All right. Well, then what are you going to do? Here's the point. You're doing something, but you have no motive for doing it according to you.

1:06:50 Drew Then stop.

1:06:50 Adam Then you can stop. It's easy to stop stuff. It's like saying, I'm doing a drug, but I'm not hooked on it. I'm not attached to it.

1:06:58 Drew Does nothing for me.

1:06:59 Adam Then there's no reason I should be doing it, and I really want to stop. Then feel free to stop. All right. We know there's more.

1:07:06 Drew By the way, that's also called denial. That's the other.

1:07:09 Adam Thank you. Brian?

1:07:10 Yeah.

1:07:11 Adam You're 19. What's up?

1:07:13 Caller I just wanted to call Mayonnaise. You're a millionaire guy that rocks. Do your guy.

1:07:17 Caller Thank you. That's my Maymay Mayonnaise.

1:07:19 Caller That's right.

1:07:19 Adam That's Snoop Dogg. Andy, my rap name is Mayonnaise.

1:07:22 Guest Oh, I didn't know that.

1:07:24 Adam Mayonnaise.

1:07:25 Guest Oh, nice.

1:07:26 Drew Hey.

1:07:26 Caller I love that song about Chris Catan.

1:07:28 Guest Oh, thank you. It's evil.

1:07:31 Drew What a period of singing that.

1:07:32 Guest It's so angry. I will if you want me to.

1:07:34 Drew I know. The engineer says he can't.

1:07:37 Caller Are you? Hello?

1:07:38 Drew Yes. He can't handle on the-

1:07:39 Caller Yeah, okay. I just wanted to call up and commend you guys on putting up with all the ego tards that call up here every night.

1:07:45 Guest Ego tards.

1:07:46 Caller I don't know if you guys remember because you get so many calls, but that kid that called up that one night and he said he was in the school bathroom and some kid went in there and tried to rape him and then wiped his ass before he raped. Do you remember that Adam?

1:07:59 Adam Yes, I remember it vividly.

1:08:01 Caller I lost it, but I had to call up and commend you guys on putting up with all the morons that call up here. You guys are great.

1:08:06 Adam Thank you, Brian.

1:08:07 Caller Thank you.

1:08:08 Adam It's not that we put up with them as much as we're locked in this goddamn room for two hours and we don't have a choice.

1:08:14 Caller Oh my gosh. You guys are great up, man. You're great.

1:08:16 Adam All right, Brian. What's your question?

1:08:18 Caller I don't even have a question. I want to call and commend you guys. You guys are awesome.

1:08:21 Adam Well, thank you, Brian.

1:08:22 Caller Thank you.

1:08:23 Adam We appreciate it.

1:08:24 Caller Bye bye.

1:08:24 Adam Keep listening and write a letter to your local filly.

1:08:27 Guest Can we hear a little man, Ace? Well, why do you do that to me? I have to go to the bathroom and what are they doing? Why are they doing that? Are we going to take a break?

1:08:35 Caller Real quick, quick, quick.

1:08:36 Adam Yeah, we are going to take a little pee break. Yeah, that's a very interesting angle. All right, let's hear, where's Snoop Dogg though?

1:08:44 Guest Can we hear man, Ace?

1:08:45 Caller That's my man, man, man, Ace.

1:08:48 Guest That was really him?

1:08:48 Drew Yeah.

1:08:49 Adam Who else could that be?

1:08:50 Guest He heard you.

1:08:52 Adam That's Snoop.

1:08:52 Drew He's here.

1:08:52 Guest He heard you do man, Ace?

1:08:54 Adam Yeah, he was in here and I told him I wanted to be called man, Ace.

1:08:58 Drew Oh, you made up the name?

1:08:59 Guest But you don't have any singles. Do you have a song yet?

1:09:02 Adam I just forced Snoop to call me man, Ace if you really want to know what the truth is. Here's why mayonnaise is great. It has the word man and you can replace an S with a Z, which rappers love to do. They love to swap out those letters, especially when there's a Z to be had. Also, it's white. You know what I mean? The white rapper, mayonnaise.

1:09:26 Drew And then mayonnaise has multiple meanings when it comes to Adam and his habits.

1:09:32 Guest And your music is creamy.

1:09:33 Adam My French buddy is Dijonais.

1:09:36 Drew All right. Thank you. Your brother's ranch.

1:09:42 Adam All right, brother, you're going to get some ranch on you before the night is true. We're going to take a little break. Andy and I are going to go to the bathroom and do the swords thing, right, Andy?

1:09:49 Guest Let's do it. I'm going to beat you.

1:09:51 Adam We'll be back after this.

1:09:55 Guest Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:10:30 Adam It's Loveline. You know, one thing I never get used to doing this show is how the guest will speak mere seconds before my mic heats up when we're coming back from break. Sometimes we don't talk that much, but here's what I'm and I know Andy, don't take this as any kind of personal attack, really don't, because everybody does this. And Drew, you'll back me up on this because you do it as well and you actually encourage it in the guest. But a guest will sit here sort of silently. There won't be a much conversation, maybe a little back and forth. And then all of a sudden the music will start swelling. I'll put the earphones on. I'll pick the microphone up. I'll put it against my mouth and I'll see the guest and they'll have a question for me. And they'll say, hey, how's about, where do you guys park when you guys do the show? And I think to myself, what is it exactly they're thinking is going on? I mean, they know we're doing a radio show. They know there's a little commercial breaks. And obviously, they see this is the time that we're going back to doing the show. Do they think I'm going to give an answer? Not you, Andy. You're golden. But Drew, how often does that happen? That somebody asks a question or makes a statement or has a sort of proclamation seconds before it is time to speak?

1:11:49 Drew Most nights.

1:11:50 Adam Most nights. And while the music is swelling, the headphones have been put back up and the microphone has been brought to the mouth. Does it usually make a difference?

1:11:59 Guest It's a nerves thing.

1:11:59 Adam What is that?

1:12:00 Guest A nerves thing, probably.

1:12:02 Adam The funniest thing is it usually interrupts a good story, but that's all right. The guests usually just keep rolling on. You'll hear us talking into the break. Andy Dick is our guest tonight. Andy Dick can be found Sunday night, this coming Sunday night at the House of Blues, raising money for Todd McCormick who's in jail for a pot again. You can get some tickets and go out there and check it out. Larry Flint will be there.

1:12:28 Guest Perry Farrell.

1:12:29 Adam Perry Farrell. Bill Maher.

1:12:32 Guest Michael Franti from Spearhead, Exein from X.

1:12:35 Adam Sirvanka Joy.

1:12:36 Caller Joy.

1:12:36 Adam Joy.

1:12:36 Caller I'm sorry.

1:12:37 Adam Absolute Joy. Absolute Joy to be around.

1:12:40 Guest Larry Flint's attorney who is Todd McCormick's attorney.

1:12:44 Adam He's not a Joy, but Exein Sirvanka?

1:12:47 Guest No, someone's going to do it.

1:12:49 Adam They're raising money for Todd McCormick. Also, you can find Andy Dick every Sunday night with his Bitches of the Century over at the Mint.

1:12:57 Guest On Pico and Crescent Heights.

1:12:59 Adam At the 8.30, doing their show. It's really a who's who of Hollywood celebrities A-list that shows up to these things.

1:13:10 Guest Nick Nolte has been known to stop by.

1:13:12 Adam Really?

1:13:13 Guest Seriously, he came twice.

1:13:14 Adam Wow.

1:13:15 Guest Yeah.

1:13:15 Adam You think it's a coincidence?

1:13:17 Guest Well, he's dating somebody in the band, so to speak. She's not in the band. She does a couple songs that-

1:13:23 Adam I see.

1:13:23 Guest One song that I wrote and one song that she wrote.

1:13:25 Adam How old is she, by the way?

1:13:27 Drew 14. 12.

1:13:28 Caller I see.

1:13:29 Adam Let's split the difference, call it 13.

1:13:31 Guest All right.

1:13:31 Adam We're going to hop back-

1:13:32 Guest It's Vicki Lewis.

1:13:33 Adam On the phone?

1:13:34 Guest Vicki Lewis from NewsRadio.

1:13:36 Adam She was in Mama's Family.

1:13:38 Guest Broadway's Vicki Lewis. No, she was on NewsRadio. She is a show stopper.

1:13:42 Adam Who am I thinking of? Oh, Vicki Lawrence. That's right. She sung the night the lights went out in Georgia, didn't she? No, did she? Wasn't that her big song? She was on the Carol Burnett Show.

1:13:52 Guest Yeah, but I'm talking about Vicki Lewis, the redhead from NewsRadio.

1:13:56 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:13:58 Adam That's different. Totally different. What's going on with that NewsRadio? Have they canceled it yet?

1:14:02 Caller It's over.

1:14:02 Guest It's been over a year.

1:14:04 Drew All right.

1:14:05 Guest Damn.

1:14:05 Adam Yeah. Well, it lives on in syndication. You make a lot of money from that?

1:14:09 Guest No.

1:14:10 Adam Why not?

1:14:10 Guest No, you don't. You just don't. If you're the creator of the show, I think you make millions, but actors just make a couple of thousand.

1:14:17 Adam All right.

1:14:18 Guest Not per episode, just in general.

1:14:20 Adam Really?

1:14:20 Guest Seriously, it's not much money.

1:14:22 Adam That's a bitch. Liam.

1:14:24 Hey, fellas.

1:14:25 Adam Not that you deserve that much. Liam, you're 25.

1:14:28 Guest Thanks.

1:14:28 Yeah, hi. This is really an honor for me. I have so much respect for you guys, believe it or not, except Andy Dick.

1:14:35 Guest Thank you. What is that supposed to mean?

1:14:37 Adam Only I'm allowed to insult Andy Dick.

1:14:39 Guest Why would you say that and what is it supposed to mean?

1:14:41 Drew Also, we need to give people's courses in this country on how to compliment people. I really admire you guys, believe it or not.

1:14:48 Caller I'm sorry if I got it wrong, but it's just that you tend to distrust so many guys, but I really do admire Drew so much for what you do. I had such a difficult childhood, including molestations and stuff like that, and to hear you talk about it, and I think educate people that it goes on is so very important. I just have a great amount of admiration for you and for Adam's sense of humor.

1:15:11 Adam Well, thank you. You see what happens when you-

1:15:13 Caller I really meant it, actually.

1:15:14 Adam Thank you.

1:15:14 Guest But I want to know what's your problem with me?

1:15:17 Caller I was just joking.

1:15:18 Guest Oh, okay. I'm very sensitive, especially in sobriety.

1:15:24 Caller Yeah, okay.

1:15:25 Guest Very sensitive.

1:15:27 Caller Hi. My question is, I was at a party Saturday night. I'm not usually in the habit of doing any kinds of drugs because I think I'm prone to a little bit of depression. A lot of people, they were smoking, and I couldn't get away. I didn't have a car with me. I had to sleep there overnight. I swear to God, I've been high, but not a good high, just sick ever since then. My head's been spinning. I haven't been able to focus very well.

1:15:50 Adam You didn't smoke any pot?

1:15:52 Caller Well, I'm sure that I did by just by standing around, but not-

1:15:56 Drew No, no. No, don't do it.

1:15:59 Caller No?

1:15:59 Adam No.

1:16:00 Drew But I wonder if you just started getting anxious having panic attacks or something.

1:16:04 Caller No, no. I mean, it was a very small room. There was a lot of smoke, a lot of cigarettes, a lot of marijuana. That doesn't, you don't think that has any-

1:16:14 Adam No, no.

1:16:14 Drew It doesn't.

1:16:15 Adam No.

1:16:16 Guest It's all in your mind. But your mind can do tricks like that.

1:16:19 Adam Although, you do inhale a decent amount of atmospheric smoke. For instance, well, I'm sure you're aware that millions die each year from secondhand smoke.

1:16:28 Caller I know that.

1:16:29 Adam Millions, millions of Americans.

1:16:30 Caller Literally.

1:16:31 Adam And it's the number one killer of people under 50. Secondhand smoke. Waitresses, average life expectancy, 24 years old. Everyone dies of secondhand smoke. Actually, wait a minute, that was two years ago. Now nobody dies of secondhand smoke because they've decided to stop lying about it so much.

1:16:48 Caller Or they're all dead, all the ones who were going to die.

1:16:50 Adam Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, all four people that died of secondhand smoke. Oh, God, I want to kill people when I think about those campaigns.

1:16:57 Caller Drew, is there a really sensitive... Because anytime that I have smoked, that I felt kind of the same way, just kind of sick for a couple of days and not any kind of good high. Is there anything that at least... Is there a sensitive body type to POD?

1:17:11 Drew Yeah, there's definitely some people that are adversely affected by it. Some people get really severe panic attacks from it. And those panic attacks are percent.

1:17:17 Adam The medical term is lidus waitus, is what they call that.

1:17:22 Drew But if this is the way you characteristically feel when you've been exposed to that drug, how can we deny that maybe you were exposed to enough to get that again? But I wouldn't worry that something permanent has developed, although I have seen ongoing panic attacks in people that are exposed to even low levels of marijuana.

1:17:38 Adam Liam, this one's in your head, not in your lungs. That would be my take. Contact high is not true.

1:17:43 Caller That's not a real thing.

1:17:46 Drew Not really.

1:17:47 Adam Well, I'll tell you what does happen. If you've been baked enough in your day and you're hanging around guys that are getting baked, it brings you back to the baked days and you start thinking about it and you have what you call a contact guy. That's fabulous radio, Andy. Andy is doing some good prop humor. All right. Do we find that we found that the Dub C drop? I can't remember what he called me.

1:18:14 Caller It's cracking y'all. This Dub C from the West Side Connect gang. Y'all know this still West Side of mine chillin on the Loveline. Y'all know what time it is.

1:18:21 Dub C the shittiest one.

1:18:22 Guest Panking that pistola, chillin with my homeboy Ace Rockolla.

1:18:26 Caller Fool, I thought you knew.

1:18:28 Caller Chillin with my homeboy Dr. Drew.

1:18:30 Caller The shittiest one.

1:18:31 Caller Listen to this.

1:18:32 Caller Turn it up, turn it up.

1:18:33 Caller That's really near.

1:18:36 Guest Come again?

1:18:37 Adam Dub C speaks backwards on occasion. All right. So we got Ace Rockolla and we got mayonnaise. All wearing the same pair of shoes.

1:18:45 Guest Let's rock. Let's rock.

1:18:47 Adam Robert.

1:18:48 Guest Remember that? Twin Peaks.

1:18:50 Adam You're 16.

1:18:51 Caller Yeah.

1:18:51 Adam What's up?

1:18:53 Caller I pierced my body.

1:18:54 Drew You pierced your body?

1:18:56 Caller Where?

1:18:57 Adam Through the middle.

1:18:58 Caller Huh?

1:18:59 Adam Just right through the middle?

1:19:01 Drew Like an arrow?

1:19:03 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

1:19:04 Drew They call it a spear. It's really a spear.

1:19:06 Adam Yeah.

1:19:08 Caller I pierced my body and the most recent piercing I've done was my penis.

1:19:11 Adam Nice.

1:19:12 Guest What part?

1:19:13 Caller What?

1:19:14 Guest What part?

1:19:15 Caller Oh, it's really just skinning a little bit of flesh under the head of the penis.

1:19:21 Adam Ouch.

1:19:23 Caller Yeah.

1:19:24 Guest Not into it.

1:19:24 Adam Is that your frenulum under there?

1:19:26 Drew Yeah.

1:19:28 Caller What?

1:19:28 Adam Yeah. All right, Robert, what happened? Who did what to you?

1:19:34 Caller Well, I know what you mean. I was molested once.

1:19:37 Caller There you go.

1:19:39 Caller I've been, I guess what you would call sexually assaulted a couple of times throughout my younger, younger years.

1:19:47 Adam Right.

1:19:48 Drew That's what makes people do this.

1:19:49 Adam Now you're acting out on yourself.

1:19:51 Caller Yeah. Also, I used to cut myself all over and I don't do that no more. I was kind of wondering also if the reason why I pierced my body is because it's another way of not cutting myself, I guess.

1:20:04 Drew I think it's part of it.

1:20:05 Caller Really? Okay. But my real question is, is the piercing supposed to give me more of an orgasm?

1:20:12 Drew No.

1:20:13 Caller Okay. Because?

1:20:14 Drew Because it doesn't.

1:20:16 Caller Okay.

1:20:16 Adam Okay. So Robert, here's what we need to work on, the abuse of the past that's causing the pain and the acting out of today.

1:20:24 Drew Right.

1:20:25 Adam All right. Have you ever got any therapy?

1:20:29 Caller Yeah. I'm actually against counselors, so that didn't work too much.

1:20:33 Adam All right. Well, as long as you're against getting better, that's fine.

1:20:36 Caller No.

1:20:37 Adam All right. Well, keep poking holes in yourself.

1:20:39 Caller All right.

1:20:39 Adam And we'll see you in hell, okay?

1:20:41 Caller All right. All right.

1:20:42 Adam Thanks for calling. Hey, Robert.

1:20:44 Caller Yeah?

1:20:44 Adam Listen, screwball. Listen, you need a counselor like nobody else. Believe me. Trust me on this one, brother. If you were sexually assaulted on numerous occasions when you were younger and you're acting out now and you need to work it out.

1:21:01 Guest I have one. I have one.

1:21:03 Adam You do?

1:21:03 Guest Yeah.

1:21:04 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:21:04 Guest You know I do.

1:21:05 Adam Hey, listen, Andy's got one in the car now, by the way. He travels with his.

1:21:10 Caller Oh, really?

1:21:10 Adam Oh, yes.

1:21:11 Caller That's fun.

1:21:12 Adam Yeah. It's good times.

1:21:13 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:21:14 Adam Hey, Robert?

1:21:15 Caller Yeah.

1:21:15 Adam Really? You're calling because you want help and we're telling you by all means get it.

1:21:20 Caller Okay.

1:21:21 Adam All right.

1:21:21 Caller All right.

1:21:22 Caller Thanks a lot. All right.

1:21:23 Adam Okay.

1:21:24 Guest I pay mine by the week.

1:21:25 Adam Hey, listen, it's got to be tough on guys. It was tough on women. It still is tough on women, but we're constantly talking about the shame and the humiliation and victims coming forward and all that kind of stuff. Think about a guy who was sexually molested and even how much more difficult that is for him to come forward.

1:21:45 Guest Just think about me.

1:21:46 Adam Yeah. You had someone diddle you when you were younger.

1:21:49 Guest Well, call it what you will.

1:21:51 Adam Yeah. What was it? A babysitter?

1:21:53 Guest Yep.

1:21:54 Adam Yeah. But look at you. It created unblocked.

1:21:57 Guest He didn't diddle me. I don't know even what that means, Adam.

1:22:00 Adam What was it? What went on?

1:22:02 Guest He twiddled me. I don't know what diddled means.

1:22:05 Adam I see. You don't want to be making light if you're twiddling?

1:22:10 Guest No. He wanted us to play stick shift, and whoever made it to the finish line first would get a bowl of popcorn.

1:22:19 Adam Wow. Popcorn ball and a bowl of popcorn. You know what I miss? You know what I miss? I don't miss much for my JALHO, but I do miss the popcorn ball, and I don't know where that went, and if people still eat those, or if they've just gotten past that. Remember popcorn balls?

1:22:42 Guest That was around Christmas. Yeah, it was a Christmas treat.

1:22:44 Adam I miss popcorn balls. Someone's got to whip me up a popcorn ball.

1:22:49 Guest I'll show you some popcorn balls.

1:22:51 Drew Let's check in on Joe again and see what he sounds like here.

1:22:53 Adam See if Joe's still asleep. All right.

1:22:56 Caller Oh, wait a minute.

1:23:01 Guest That is not right. That is not real.

1:23:04 Drew Wait.

1:23:07 Guest I thought I heard him laugh.

1:23:09 Caller No.

1:23:11 Guest Sounds like a baby cow.

1:23:14 Adam Joe's been at home for 119 minutes.

1:23:17 Wake.

1:23:18 Adam Don't wake him up.

1:23:20 Caller Oh, I love him.

1:23:22 Caller Wake him up.

1:23:24 Adam No, no. Let's listen.

1:23:30 Drew Sounds like our security guard.

1:23:32 Adam Our security guard fell asleep out in the hall on the sofa a couple of weeks ago.

1:23:37 Guest So that big gun.

1:23:39 Adam I took a 20-foot mic cord and put it right by his head and listen to him snore all night.

1:23:45 Drew Snore cam.

1:23:45 Adam That's great radio. All right. We'll check in with Joe just one more time before we go to break.

1:23:59 Guest It just doesn't even sound real.

1:24:01 Adam All right. He heard that there was a new drug that got him high. Okay. One more time and then we go to break. I can't get enough of this guy.

1:24:13 Guest Whoa.

1:24:14 Adam You know what's fun? It's fun, the timing, because sometimes you check in, he's right in the middle of one, and then sometimes there's a long couple of beats. Now, let's see if we can time one. Let me see if I can time one just right.

1:24:30 Guest Oh, he's waking up.

1:24:31 Adam Wake up.

1:24:31 Caller Wake up.

1:24:32 Guest Wake up. Wake up. We want to wake him up.

1:24:35 Adam Would you shut his goddamn mic off?

1:24:40 Guest It's like an angry snore. He's angry now.

1:24:44 Adam All right. We're going to take a little break. We'll be back with more Snoring Kitties after this.

1:24:50 Caller Yo, Loveline will be right back, homie.

1:25:33 Adam Yeah, it's the Loveline of Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Andy Dick has joined us tonight. You can find him Sunday night. This Sunday at the House of Blues for the Spitfire Tour trying to raise a little money for a worthy cause. Larry Flint, Bill Maher, Exeence Frank, a joy, will be there. And many other interesting people. Andy's going to play a couple of songs over there. And so will you not be at the Mint this Sunday?

1:25:59 Guest We're going to still try to do the Mint. We're going to try to do both shows. It's going to be hard.

1:26:02 Adam I see. Well, if anyone can pull it off. Andy Dick, Andy and the Bitches of the Century will be airlifted out of the House of Blues about 810, 815 and dropped on the helipad on top of the Mint to make the 830 gig. I think they're going to play another ditty for us. Is that true, Andy?

1:26:23 Guest It's our only hit. It's our only hit.

1:26:25 Adam It is. All right. Well, wait a minute. Let's just check back with Joe, see if he's still snoring.

1:26:36 Guest Maybe we should keep him on during our song.

1:26:39 Adam Let's do it.

1:26:40 Guest Let's see if we can do it. And we are gonna have ourselves a fling with your tiny, tight, white, and out of sight little brown. Re- Ring, ring, ring, ring.

1:27:41 Adam That's it.

1:27:42 Drew Short version.

1:27:46 Guest Okay, okay. We love you, Joe.

1:27:49 Adam That is golden, Andy.

1:27:51 Guest Thank you. I hope he shows up to the show.

1:27:56 Adam No bigger fan of Andy Dick than Joe18 on line three.

1:28:03 Guest Stop it. It's like bad PR. Every time you say my name, he snores.

1:28:07 Adam Don't just believe me as far as Andy Dick and the Bitches of the Century being great. Let's hear what a critic has to say. Critics agree. The critics agree. The greatest night of entertainment. What? Yes.

1:28:30 Guest It's not, I don't know why I'm laughing.

1:28:33 Adam Is Loveline the fastest two hours on radio? Let's hear what the callers think.

1:28:43 Guest Oh, and he's not waking up.

1:28:50 Adam It never gets old. I love it. Oh my God. Drew, should someone breathe that fast? Chipmunk doesn't, a squirrel doesn't breathe that fast. All right. I'm going to put Joe on hold. I can really go on. If we could get one of those guys who calls in and farts on demand and put him on the next line next to Joe who snores on demand, I would just kill over.

1:29:17 Guest I'll write a song to it.

1:29:19 Adam I would explode. Would you like to sample Joe for maybe an upcoming album?

1:29:23 Guest Maybe we should. Can you record it for us?

1:29:25 Adam Let's get a little Joe. Oh, wait. Yeah, that's my Joe.

1:29:34 Guest That's my Joe. Let's take a legitimate call. There's people who need our help.

1:29:40 Adam Are you saying Joe doesn't have problems? Liz?

1:29:44 Yes.

1:29:45 Adam You're 19.

1:29:47 Caller I have a question for you.

1:29:48 Adam All right.

1:29:49 Caller Okay. A friend of mine has a yeast infection in his mouth. Don't ask me how he got it, but I guess he brushes his teeth like five times a day.

1:29:58 Drew No, Liz, he needs to see a doctor. That is a sign that his immune system isn't working normally though.

1:30:05 Caller The doctor told him that he had to gargle with yogurt.

1:30:11 Drew Oh, that's bizarre. He did not see a doctor, because there are easy treatments for this, no problem. What are they?

1:30:17 Adam You have to brush with dynolotramin.

1:30:19 Drew There's a mouthwash called mystatin, which is antifungal, and there's also a fluconazole, which you can take one pill of and will eradicate it completely.

1:30:27 Adam Gargle with yogurt.

1:30:29 Drew Yeah, that is... No, that's not what they told him. That's not what they told him. He did not see a medical doctor. And it's simply treated, and he needs a workup to see why he got this, because when I was in training, it was one of the hallmark signs of HIV. It was an otherwise healthy male with an oral thrush.

1:30:48 Adam Alright, he needs to go to a real doctor.

1:30:50 Guest Dr. Drew said it could be HIV.

1:30:53 Drew Well, no.

1:30:54 Caller But he's never had sex before.

1:30:56 Drew No, no, no, no, listen, in the old days, that was the kind, in the old days, when I was in training, that was the thing we'd look for first, because it often means immune impairment. It also could mean he took a whole bunch of antibiotics recently. That could even predispose to it.

1:31:08 Adam Liz, he needs to see a doctor that does not have a gong and a giant root hanging in the window. You understand?

1:31:17 Caller Well, what I was going to ask you in the first place, now my question has been answered, could you actually douche with that for a yeast infection in a woman? No, no, no, no.

1:31:29 Adam Douche with yogurt?

1:31:30 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:31:31 Caller Thank you very much.

1:31:33 Adam Fruit on the bottom. All right, we'll speak to, no one has called or system assessed.

1:31:41 Guest Joe? You got yeast in your mouth.

1:31:43 Adam I want to hear Joe.

1:31:44 Guest We gon make bread with it.

1:31:47 Drew Uh-oh.

1:31:48 Adam Oh, he's back. He is back. All right. Brian?

1:31:52 Caller Yeah.

1:31:52 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:31:54 Caller Yeah, I've been with my boyfriend for probably three and a half months and he is still in the closet and we go to a very close minded school. Yet I've been out of the closet probably all three years in high school.

1:32:08 Drew You're gay.

1:32:09 Caller Yes.

1:32:09 Adam I see. Yes.

1:32:11 Caller Anyways, Adam, we've told a few of our closest friends and we just now told our parents that we were together and my mom loves him and his mom loves me. Probably two nights ago, I went over there and we were messing around and I came down and I had a hickey on my neck and his mom flipped even though she said she was okay with it.

1:32:32 Adam Right.

1:32:33 Drew How old is your boyfriend?

1:32:34 Caller He's 16 also.

1:32:36 Drew 16?

1:32:37 Caller Yeah.

1:32:37 Guest Any mother would flip out whether it was a gay couple or a straight couple.

1:32:42 Drew I'm glad Andy said that, not me.

1:32:43 Guest But isn't that true?

1:32:44 Drew Yes, absolutely. It's bizarre, Brian, that you're pushing this along so quickly.

1:32:48 Guest You don't need to shove it in people's faces, I guess.

1:32:51 Caller Well, no. I mean, okay.

1:32:53 Guest People freak out on you.

1:32:54 Drew Heterosexual couples have to hide their eyes.

1:32:57 Guest They wouldn't do that hickey.

1:32:58 Caller But his mom was more...

1:33:00 Guest Let him give you a hickey on your butt. No one will see it.

1:33:04 Caller Well, one of my bigger questions was, he's having problems trying to come out to the rest of the school. His mom wants us to be discreet about it and he doesn't really want to.

1:33:17 Guest But that's fine, too. You know, yeah. I think you should, you know, just keep it quiet. I wish I would have just kept my damn mouth shut about my sexuality. I really do. I don't think it's helping anybody and it definitely hurts me, you know, people. I got bi-bashed the other week. Really? Yeah. Somebody said, you're bi- he was with a couple cute young blonde girls and he was a bigger, a tall like, he was some other, he was from some other country. But he said, you're bi- he's bisexual. And the girl's like, shut up. And he's like, no, seriously, he is, he is. And I said, and we were on an elevator. And I said, right as the doors, I waited for the doors to open. And I said, and you're large. And he pushed me. And I said, he said, I'm going to kick your ass.

1:34:06 Drew He did not say that.

1:34:06 Guest He did. And he pushed me really hard. And he started to get into it. But I'm not going to run. I just went off.

1:34:13 Drew Faggot better run. Did you scare him?

1:34:17 Guest Oh yeah. I scared the crap out of him. I started screaming and running. And then he started running to his car. And then I had my friend Ed waiting in his car to pick me because I can't drive. I don't have a license anymore. And that guy right over there, Ed came around the corner. But he was already afraid because I'm like, come on, let's go, let's do it. And he ran to his car and Ed and I both chased him to his car.

1:34:39 Adam Maybe he thought you meant sex. No? No. The upside is he got eight songs out of it.

1:34:48 Drew All right.

1:34:48 Adam We're going to take ourselves a break. Let's just check with Joe on hold for 130 minutes. That's my Joe. We'll be back.

1:35:40 Drew Yes, we're back. Way to go, Andy. Hang on a second, hang on a second. I just want to hear if we're still connected with Joe here. Joe?

1:35:50 Guest He hung up.

1:35:51 Drew He's turned over, he's hung up.

1:35:53 Guest Joe, are you there?

1:35:55 Drew Oh, we lost him, damn. Well, show's a wash.

1:35:58 Guest Ruin. There he is.

1:36:00 Drew Andy, thank you for coming. Andy Dick and Bitches of the Century. See you guys at the Mint at 6010 West Pico, 7.30 every Sunday night, right?

1:36:09 Guest 8.30, really, every Sunday.

1:36:10 Drew Nick Nolte will be there every single Sunday.

1:36:12 Guest No, but in Spitfire Tour, of course, at House of Blues.

1:36:16 Drew Yeah, whatever anybody thinks about that, I suspect everybody just sort of tired of it. I mean, the whole controversy about marijuana. About pot.

1:36:24 Guest Yeah, people are over it.

1:36:26 Drew Well, I think so. But we'll see. The Spitfire Tour is out there and that will include Andy Dick, Larry Flint, Bill Maher, Perry Farrell, and Xena Joy.

1:36:35 Guest Michael Frumkin of Spirit.

1:36:37 Drew And Adam has split tonight.

1:36:39 Guest Yeah, he had to go.

1:36:40 Drew Andy, it's always a pleasure.

1:36:41 Guest Thank you, doctor. You are my unofficial personal doctor.

1:36:45 Drew And friend.

1:36:46 Guest And friend.

1:36:47 Drew I appreciate that. Thank you. So, on behalf of Andy Dick and Adam Corolla, this is Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:51 I just wanted to see the wet pink stick.

1:36:55 Drew Well, now.

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Tuesday, May 2, 2000