Episode 1000754887106

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:12 Voiceover Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Man shows on right now. Comedy Central, everybody.

1:28 Drew Geez, I did some of you guys last week while you were gone.

1:31 Adam Yeah.

1:31 Drew That was fun.

1:32 Adam Yeah, I heard you were quite the thespian.

1:35 Drew Yeah.

1:36 Adam Dr. Drew.

1:36 Drew Even without your direction.

1:37 Adam Dr. Drew did his yearly man show sketch and this time it was big. I mean, six, seven pages of Dr. Drew, right?

1:46 Drew It was funny. Yeah.

1:47 Adam Good times. Well, as soon as we're done editing it, I'll bring it in for you, everybody.

1:52 Drew What's left of it.

1:53 Adam No guests tonight. I'm glad to be back. I was in New York last week having a decent time. I don't like hotel rooms. I really don't.

2:02 Drew Did you gerrymander the, gerryrig the-

2:05 Adam No, the porn? No, didn't even try.

2:07 Drew You guys are big stars. I didn't have to do that anymore.

2:09 Adam Oh yeah, that's right. Whenever Jimmy and I used to travel, the first thing we would do is gerryrig the box so that we could get porn in our room. Excuse me tonight, but I got these headphones.

2:23 Drew Yeah, it's weird.

2:25 Adam Drew has some headphones, and the volume is all screwed up, and it's sort of a little soft.

2:29 Drew It's just different, yeah.

2:30 Adam Yeah, kind of like when you get off an airplane and your ears have popped and you sound weird to yourself. But yeah, we used to travel, and when we traveled back in the day, we would bring a pair of needle-nose pliers and sometimes a universal remote, and get ourselves set up with the porn. The only thing that was bad is we only had one universal remote, so that once you turned the porn on in your room, and the other guy took the universal remote into his room, you had to leave your channel on porn and not shut the TV off. So it was kind of like a bad dream in the sense that you're watching nothing but be porn 24-7 with all the good stuff cut out. And by the way, that's why I don't rent the porn in the hotels, because it's $12.95 and no penis. And in lieu of penis, I get to see Ron Jeremy's sweaty brow over and over again. So it's a bad time.

3:38 Drew You work things out in New York?

3:39 Adam Yeah, everything's great.

3:42 Drew I had fun with Howie Mandel while you were gone.

3:43 Adam Oh, yeah. He hasn't been on this show in a little while.

3:46 Drew No, he's the same Howie.

3:47 Adam Sorry I missed him. Well, he's the new edgier Howie.

3:50 Drew No, same Howie.

3:51 Adam Shaved his head, he's got a earring, wears a leather jacket.

3:54 Drew I don't like you. There he is.

3:55 Adam He's not the guy with the big glove purse anymore blowing up condoms.

3:59 Drew Not so much gloves. I asked him about what his career might have been like had he had a latex allergy.

4:06 Adam Drew, I spotted you on Hardball one of those nights.

4:10 Drew What did you think of that guy? I know you'd have an immediate read on him.

4:14 Adam Yeah. If anyone didn't see Hardball, Drew was on that, I think it was Thursday night. And I must have caught the re-broadcast of it because I didn't get back to my room until about 2, 2.30. And there was Drew with some crackpot. I don't know if he claimed to be a doctor or not.

4:30 Drew No, no. He was a political consultant. Surprise.

4:33 Adam Once in a while, one of these guys pops out of woodwork every once in a while and knows better than everybody else. And addiction was an addiction. And there's no alcohol, gene and all that. And Drew was great because all Drew would, Drew just sat there and said, I beg your pardon. I beg your pardon.

4:51 Drew I beg, I beg your pardon.

4:53 Adam I beg. No, I'm begging. I am begging for your pardon. Yeah, no, I beg your pardon. You should have tossed in a how dare you.

5:00 Drew I thought of it. I almost did. I swear to God that that's I thought this one's for Adam.

5:05 Adam Yeah. So he just made a whole bunch of allegations sort of put his foot in his mouth and it's the usual.

5:10 Drew And I like, I like Chris Matthews. He's a fan of the show.

5:13 Adam Oh, really?

5:14 Drew Huge fan of the show.

5:14 Adam Wow. Well, I like that hard ball too. Jenny?

5:17 Yeah.

5:17 Adam You're 17?

5:19 Caller Yes.

5:19 Adam What's up?

5:20 Caller Not much. All right.

5:22 Drew And that's it?

5:24 Caller I have a question. I had sex nine times in the past two days. And every time.

5:31 Adam Same guy?

5:33 Caller No, two different guys.

5:34 Drew Oh, boy.

5:36 Caller And each time I let them bust in my mouth.

5:40 Drew Bust in the mouth.

5:41 Caller Yeah.

5:41 Drew I used to mean being smacked in the mouth.

5:43 Adam Times nine?

5:44 Caller Yeah.

5:45 Adam Yeah.

5:46 Drew What's up with that, Jenny? Why the enthusiasm there?

5:50 Adam Now, is it four and a half times a piece or did one guy get you five times?

5:54 Caller One guy got me eight times and the other guy got me once.

5:56 Adam No. That poor guy got to once after the guy with eight was done with it.

6:01 Drew Yeah. Well, let's dispense with your question first. And that is that before we go off on the things we think are important, what you ask about is the fact...

6:10 Caller Yeah, if you can just get sick from it.

6:12 Drew You can't get sick from it. I imagine you get nauseated from it, but you can get infectious diseases and it turns out your mouth is somewhat protected against the viruses, particularly if you don't have any sores in your mouth or bleeding gums, that kind of thing, but your esophagus can be penetrated by hepatitis C, potentially by AIDS virus. And so these, yes, you can get STDs from oral genital contact and you can get some of the more serious ones that way.

6:36 Adam Yeah. How old are these guys?

6:39 Caller Eighteen and yeah, both eighteen.

6:41 Adam I see. And they're having sex with you, but they finished off up top?

6:46 Yeah, because we didn't have a condom.

6:48 Adam I see.

6:48 Drew Yeah, but you can get pregnant just from having intercourse with them without them ejaculating, right?

6:52 Adam Right.

6:53 Drew So you got that morning after pill ready?

6:55 No, I'm getting it tomorrow.

6:56 Adam But hold on.

6:57 Drew Right on.

6:57 Adam Couldn't it just one, like in a potted plant or something that had to go in your mouth, you mean to finish?

7:03 Drew Pardon me? One guy to keep proving his point, too.

7:06 Adam The one guy finished in your mouth eight times?

7:09 Yeah.

7:11 Adam Now is that right, finishing right in, or is that a little fellatio and then finish?

7:17 Caller No, that's finishing right in.

7:18 Adam Wow. See, no excuse for that.

7:22 Drew Jenny, what's up? You in love with these guys?

7:25 Caller No, I just made a really big mistake.

7:27 Drew Nine times?

7:28 Yeah.

7:29 Adam Well, are you going to see either one of the guys again?

7:32 Caller I'm going out with one of them.

7:34 Drew You've made a big mistake. Help me understand this.

7:35 Adam Which one? The eight guy or the one guy?

7:38 Caller The eight guy.

7:40 Drew Do you think he loves you?

7:42 Caller I don't think he loves me.

7:43 Drew Do you want to have a relationship with him?

7:45 Caller Yeah.

7:45 Drew Does he want to have a relationship with you?

7:47 Caller Yeah, we're going out.

7:48 Drew Yeah, well, you're going out. Maybe he just wanted to unload again.

7:52 Caller Maybe. I hope not.

7:54 Drew Jenny, how do you want to go down that path?

7:56 Adam I don't want to get into it. Jenny.

7:57 Drew Yeah.

7:58 Adam Do not get pregnant. Do you hear me?

7:59 Drew She's getting the morning after pill. Let's give her some props.

8:01 Adam Please do not get pregnant. Okay. This is not going to be a good future for you. And keep an eye on this guy. Okay. I don't trust him.

8:09 Drew All right.

8:09 Adam 18 finishing in everyone's mouth. Let me tell you something.

8:14 Drew You're surprised. Lining up for more. She's like, well, I think he wants a relationship. Hey, well, what are you doing?

8:17 Adam In 18, if I could finish on someone's foot, I would have been thrilled.

8:21 Drew Near someone's foot.

8:22 Adam Just on the heel of somebody.

8:26 Drew Go to that guy's head.

8:29 Adam You know, you watch enough porn. Okay, you want you want the analogy? I know I always use this, but I swear to God, I turn on the TV a few weeks back. I'm watching the high school Ronald McDonald, you know, all star game. And these guys are jamming from leaving from the free throw line in Sky Monster, jamming the kind of stuff that Julius Irving was doing 20 years ago that was blowing people away and and the stuff Jordan was doing, you know, 10, 12 years ago and blowing people away. So these guys are all doing it now.

9:03 Drew So what you're saying is the sort of the the sexual behaviors is a behavioral advancement, the skillful advancement.

9:10 Adam I am saying monkey see monkey do. And that's not a racial joke. The guy won the dunking contest was white. Bizarrely enough. Yes, I know. But the point is, is you watch enough porn, you see what goes on in the porn and you watch start watching out of 14 or 15. How long is it going to take you to catch on?

9:32 Drew Yeah.

9:32 Adam You're 24.

9:33 Drew Maybe porn is a responsibility to show sex in a more normal way.

9:37 Adam No. Otherwise, it wouldn't be porn.

9:40 Drew Sarah, what's up?

9:41 Adam Hey.

9:43 I hope you can help me out. I'm actually really scared. For as long as I can remember, I've had really intense masochistic fantasies. And like starting last year, a regular boyfriend I was in a relationship with actually just kind of brought up that he was into it. And so a couple of times, we kind of played. And ever since I kind of picked up steam, I visited a professional dominatrix once just to find out what that was like.

10:10 Drew You liked it?

10:11 Oh, yeah. I thought it was great. I got it.

10:15 Adam So it's really a woman, though, right?

10:17 Yeah. Well, that's because, you know, it's hard to find professional men that do it.

10:21 Drew That's interesting.

10:22 And really, the reason I did it was because I thought, well, if I'm interested in this, I want to find out how it's done right and find out, you know, how not to get like hurt, really hurt. But I really enjoyed it. And so it even picked up steam from there. And then today I ended up doing something that is really actually quite risky. And, you know, of course, now that it's over with, I realized how stupid I was. But through a personal ad, I met a man who described himself as like a sadistic dominant.

10:48 Drew And, you know, when we had that show with the dominatrices in here, they said the people that do what they call them, police reports or something, you know, leather bags.

10:59 Adam I don't know.

10:59 Drew No, the guys, the women that go to personal ads and just meet guys and do this stuff, they basically said it's like the next murder. Yeah.

11:06 And, you know, I thought I was being safe. I thought I was checking everything out.

11:10 Drew Yeah, right. So what's going on with you? Where did this all come from?

11:13 That's my question because, I mean, I started having these fantasies when I was really young.

11:18 Drew How old?

11:19 You know, I'd be six, seven years old.

11:22 Drew You know, I was thinking about this over the weekend, and I think that one of the ways to think about why people go down these paths is that there's times in your development when your wiring is very plastic. It's still, you can form it. And if you have repeated or super intense, arousing experiences, either by being physically abused or being around abusive people, or things that sort of become so arousing they kind of burn out your normal system for experiencing stress and arousal, that in order to experience yourself again, you see, all that stuff of arousal turns into sexual material when you're adolescent, when you hit puberty. And in order to experience yourself that way, it's like you need to bring in that level of intensity of exposure. You know what I'm saying, Adam? Does this make sense?

12:05 Adam Yeah, no. Listen, I was whacking off to a raft box when I was 16. That's how deprived I was. I was looking at a raft box at Big Five in the swim department. There was a chicken and a bikini on the raft, but that was as much stimulation as I could handle.

12:23 Drew But around high degrees of arousal in certain periods of development, it sort of wires you up in a certain way. That becomes your sense of sexuality. In order to get that triggered, you have to get that level of arousal going again, or you don't experience yourself sexually. I've got to think of a clearer way to say that.

12:40 I'm actually getting it pretty clearly, Drew. The thing is, I've actually never in my lifetime been able to have an orgasm unless I'm fantasizing about engaging in that.

12:50 Drew I get it. It's a true fetish for you.

12:52 Adam Where's your boyfriend?

12:54 Well, I don't have a boyfriend right now. My most recent ex-boyfriend is actually my best friend now. And he's really, he's trying to look out for me. And before I did this thing today, you know, I emailed him like the name, address, and phone number of this guy.

13:10 Drew In case you're missing.

13:11 In case I turned up missing. I mean, I realized that it's a risk.

13:13 Drew Is there addiction in your family? Are you an addict?

13:15 I'm not an addict myself. I've never done any drugs. My father's family are alcoholics and my dad. To use a term that you guys used to use, my dad's kind of a rage-aholic.

13:25 Drew Well, see, that's that arousal, Sarah. You said you hadn't been abused. There it is.

13:28 Adam Who said rage-aholic?

13:29 Drew You? I say that. I use that term. I use that term. Yeah. No, that's alcoholism and that's, I just wonder if you have the gene and that's sort of how this is playing out. You got that arousal mechanism set up by the rageful dad. Okay.

13:41 Adam Well, what is she going to do? I mean, it's just like trying to turn a gay guy straight. Do you know what I mean?

13:46 Drew Yeah.

13:46 Adam You smack him with a Bible, you hand him a woman, it doesn't work. Yeah. What do you do to recondition what has become a sexual proclivity? Maybe just as powerful as being gay or straight or a pedophile.

14:02 Drew It's a wiring, right? I don't know that anyone can truly accurately answer that. My own belief is that by not giving into the fetishes and by forming very stable intimacies over time, eventually that rewires you and you find a new expression of self sexually.

14:18 Adam Yeah.

14:18 Drew That's like therapy, right?

14:21 Adam I think you have to treat yourself like a pedophile would, which is you have to contain yourself. But you spend the rest of your life containing yourself.

14:30 Drew But then she has to form stable relationships with healthy people to allow the more usual pathways to open up.

14:35 Adam Right.

14:36 Drew And that would take a long time. It would take a few years.

14:38 Adam All right. So what's she doing? Going to the shrink? Taking some pills?

14:42 Drew That could be good. But are you just finding a relationship, a stable relationship?

14:46 Adam Aaron?

14:47 Yeah.

14:48 Adam You're 16?

14:49 Caller Yeah.

14:50 Adam Yes. Find a stable relationship with a guy who's not handing you a gimp ball and beating your ass with a can of nine tails. Go ahead, Aaron.

14:57 Drew I'm not an alcoholic either.

14:59 Caller Okay. I wonder if I should ask out this girl that's like...

15:04 Adam No. No. She's out of your league. Way, way out of your league, buddy.

15:09 Caller But I'm just saying, like I met her in like August or September and she had a boyfriend at the time. So I didn't bother with that. But last week she broke up with him. But the thing I'm worried about is that in her past she's been like abused and she told me that she's been raped before.

15:28 Drew Yeah.

15:30 Adam Why is she telling you so much of your friend of hers? Yeah.

15:34 Drew You're the guy she goes to and cries on your shoulder when these guys are being so awful to her and you're going to make it right for her.

15:40 Caller Well, she kind of.

15:42 Adam Yeah.

15:43 Drew No, we get it. We got the picture.

15:44 Caller Yeah. But it just came up once because my friend was like hitting on her and it just came up.

15:49 Adam All right. Now, has she ever expressed any interest in you?

15:54 Yeah.

15:56 Adam She has?

15:57 Caller Yeah. Well, I think, you know, because like when she leaves and I like wave at her, she smiles at me and stuff.

16:03 Drew Oh, well, she's very huge into it, madam. Come on.

16:06 Adam Let me see if I can. Let me watch this. Hey, Ann. How are you doing? You're right. Now, she didn't smile.

16:11 Drew Oh, no way. Anderson will smile at you though. You wave at him.

16:15 Adam Anderson. There you go. Give myself a nice BJ in the Loveline parking lot between commercial breaks. Well, Aaron, if she's smiling and waving.

16:28 Drew It's funny, you get the picture here and yet you still want to go down that path. You're the rescuer. You're going to make it right for her. You know that she's not going to stay with the guy who's nice because she's into this abusive pattern. What's up? Are you just hell bent on having a physical relationship with her? Do you really like her?

16:45 Caller Well, no. I just want to have a girlfriend, you know, because she's there.

16:50 Adam You know how guys are with women at the beginning, the same way they are with cars. Like their dad leaves them a piece of crap, you know? I mean, and whatever piece of crap that gets left to them, they immediately try to fix up. You know, they'll try to trick it out. Look what a high school guy does with a car. Or, I mean, your parents give you a Toyota Corona, you know, 78 four door beige. Your grandmother kicks off and she leaves it to you. What do you do? You try to put some rims on it, see if you can tint the glass, maybe lower it a little bit. That's all, you know why? That's all you got. I mean, this is the only female that is in Aaron's, there's another version of that, on his radar screen.

17:35 Drew Guys will go for a super exotic car, the people say it's a lot of work, a lot of upkeep, you know, watch out for it. They're like, I got to have that car, I don't care, it's all right, I'll take care of it.

17:43 Adam Well, there's that too. Hold on, are we talking about cars now for real?

17:47 Drew Yeah, we're talking about cars.

17:48 Adam I'm just going to get a little confused. But also, you remember this, when you were a guy, there was only a certain amount of women that were on your radar screen. They went to your school, they lived within five miles of your house, and whoever you got on there, that's who you got to work with. Maybe she ain't that interested in you. Hey, that's tough. You got to keep working, keep banging away. Aaron does not move around too much. He's kind of landlocked. Yeah, he's landlocked. Aaron, why don't you find yourself a nice girl?

18:19 Caller Okay.

18:19 Adam Just move. Listen, if she's into you, that's fine. But I think if she was into you, you would have known it by now.

18:26 Caller Well, I don't know if I should ask her out or not.

18:29 Adam Okay, ask her out.

18:30 Drew She's your friend.

18:31 Adam Give it a try.

18:32 Drew But just, you know what you're getting into here. Just be careful here.

18:35 Adam Ask her out.

18:36 Caller Okay. All right.

18:37 Adam Okay. And then, you know, maybe she'll wave at you at the end of the day. Drew, write that one down.

18:45 Drew She waves at me.

18:45 Adam You think she's into you? Well, yeah, she does. I wave at her.

18:48 Drew And she smiles.

18:50 Adam And she acknowledges it. Not through lifting her arm, but she actually smiles.

18:54 Drew You know what? That smacks so real for the kinds of stuff. I said it was like 15, 16. Think of that. You have this fantasy about one that they just smile back. You'd be like, you'd be struck, stricken. Oh my God.

19:06 Adam Yeah, but it's like watching TV and thinking that Hobo Kelly has a crush on you because she's looking through a big novelty. Sunglasses.

19:15 Drew Local show.

19:16 Adam No, local show. That Hobo Kelly. You guys didn't see that one? No. Mike?

19:21 Caller Hello?

19:22 Adam You're 27. What's up?

19:25 Caller For a while, like last weekend, I was having some pains in my groin area. I finally went to the doctor and he said I have an inflammation of my epidermis.

19:35 Drew Epidermis.

19:36 Caller Epidermis, sorry. And I was so overwhelmed and happy that it wasn't a hernia.

19:42 I forgot to ask how I could have got that.

19:45 Drew It can be just from irritating the urethra, like soap or masturbating or things like that. It can be from sexually transmitted disease.

19:53 Caller No, I've been with my wife for ten years so I haven't done that.

19:58 Drew Alright, so it's nothing. It's just some bacteria that gets down to the part of the tract that doesn't belong. So usually they use an air test.

20:03 Adam Where is that epidermis?

20:04 Drew It sits on, give me the book.

20:06 Adam No, no.

20:06 Drew I'm not looking at it. It sits on top of the testing.

20:08 Right on top of your testing?

20:09 Drew Yeah, it's part of your testing.

20:10 Adam I see.

20:11 Drew Little cap.

20:12 Adam You've been whacking off with Perel?

20:14 No.

20:14 Drew He's married. Sometimes she has a little vaginitis or something, he doesn't know about it and they can get in there. He gives you an anti-inflammatory and antibiotic and that you can take care of.

20:21 Caller Yeah, I got the anti-inflammatory and I got some electrons for the inflammation.

20:25 Drew Yeah, that's it.

20:26 Caller But I have a couple of other questions you didn't mind.

20:28 Drew Real quick.

20:32 Caller I was wondering, what would a therapist really do for you if I needed to see a therapist? I've had a troubled past.

20:39 Adam I don't know. What's your past?

20:41 Caller Well, I was molested twice by two different people. Once at 13 for three years by my uncle and then another time by some other guy.

20:50 Adam Thirteen for three years, huh?

20:53 Drew And you're married. Do you have any feelings for men?

20:55 No, I don't.

20:56 Caller I'm totally heterosexual. Right.

20:58 Adam And what about, whose brother was this uncle?

21:02 Caller It was my grandfather's. My grandmother's brother-in-law.

21:07 Drew Grandmother's brother-in-law.

21:08 Caller I guess it would be like a great uncle.

21:10 Drew Great uncle.

21:10 Adam All right. Your family was a mess, though, weren't they?

21:13 Caller It was really bad because when I told my parents, they didn't believe me.

21:16 Drew Of course not.

21:17 Adam Yeah. I know. I told my parents, too. They didn't believe me. But it turns out they were right. I was with a few cases where a guy was lying about being molested. Yeah. Well, how often is a kid, by the way, bluffing about being molested by some, you know, distant family member?

21:32 Caller And then a stranger.

21:33 Drew Yeah.

21:34 Adam Kids don't just bragging.

21:35 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

21:36 Adam This this old guy blew me for a couple of years when I was 13. What do you think that? Yeah.

21:42 Drew How dare you talk like that? I beg your pardon.

21:46 Adam Mike.

21:47 Caller Yeah.

21:48 Adam Yeah. You know, you sound like you got your head screwed on pretty good for a guy who's been through this trauma. But therapy is not a bad plan for someone who's been.

21:58 Yeah.

21:59 Drew Or just living with a family.

22:00 Caller I had a pretty good deep down inside.

22:02 I didn't think about it for a lot of years.

22:04 Drew Yeah. That's not a good thing. That's the people. I know people who have had those traumas believe that that's how they overcome them. But that's not an overcoming. That's a submerging. That's a putting them in a place that they continue to cause trouble.

22:18 Adam Who is that jackass we had on the show a couple months back when I suggested that somebody was a victim of molestation or rape and he got indignant and said he was a survivor of molestation or rape.

22:33 Drew Oh yeah. Was that on this show?

22:35 Adam Yeah. I did tell that blowhard to shut up when he said that, didn't I?

22:39 Drew I'm not sure strongly enough.

22:41 Adam I really can't remember that guy. He was in here talking about something.

22:46 Drew You got to look at it more positively. I dare you call them a victim. They should be survivors.

22:49 Adam Yeah. Listen, it's important for everyone in society to tell guys like that to shut up.

22:54 Drew It was a female, wasn't it?

22:56 Adam No, it was a male.

22:57 Drew Gentlemen, rape is.

22:58 Adam Yeah.

22:59 Drew Who is that guy?

23:01 Adam I don't know who the guy was. But here's the thing. I don't know if this has to do with this call, but you know what people do, Drew? They get on the side of the rape victim and then you have to shut up. You know what I mean? Because it appears that is if they're on the side of the victim.

23:19 Drew You're against.

23:19 Adam So if you pipe up about their inane comment, then it's as though you're pro-rape.

23:24 Drew Yeah.

23:25 Adam Which I've not come out for or against yet. But I'm glad I told the guy to shut up. I can't remember what the hell he was talking. It was a Sunday night guest.

23:35 Drew Oh, really?

23:37 Adam Yeah. And he was talking about something. All right. We're going to figure this out during the break and then we'll come back and we'll tell you who it was. Not that any of you will be interested, but that'll be after this.

23:49 1-800-LOVE-191.

24:22 Adam Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Blink 182 is coming on Tuesday, so we'll be glad to see our friends. Blink 182. The guy who we're trying to think of was the guy who was the ecstasy expert.

24:38 Drew Right.

24:39 Adam And ran some sort of hotline, helpline where they tested ecstasy and did all that.

24:44 Drew Right, right, right.

24:44 Adam That was the guy who made the mistake of saying victim instead of survivor. And he made it clear that there had to be a distinction made between a rape victim and a rape survivor. And they should all be called survivors. But I think I told him to shut up.

25:02 Drew Yeah.

25:03 Adam Very happy I said that. It's really the kind of stuff I think about at night. Because of what?

25:09 Drew Why I didn't say shut up.

25:10 Adam Why I didn't tell that guy to shut up.

25:11 Drew Hey, listen, I had tossed a couple of times about that guy on hardball with me.

25:15 Adam Yeah, Drew really hated that guy. I beg your pardon.

25:18 Drew No, I thought why didn't I go after what was obvious, which is that he had the alcoholic dad and he was mad at him and didn't want to give an excuse for the dad's disease.

25:26 Adam Yeah.

25:27 Drew Isn't that it?

25:28 Adam Well, listen, how do you get involved with anything in life? Do you know what I mean?

25:34 Drew Yeah.

25:35 Adam Not hobbies, causes. When you're involved with a cause, you're going on the breast cancer march, well, your mother got breast cancer and that's good 90% of the time. It's just the 10% a-hole factor we have to deal with who have a cause within their cause and they're doing it not for the good of the people but to somehow empower themselves. Thank you. Chris?

26:02 Caller Yeah.

26:03 Adam You're 20, what's up?

26:06 Caller Basically, my girlfriend doesn't like to give me blow jobs or anything like that. No, I know a lot of girls don't but the problem I have is like hair is growing out like halfway up my penis, like it's coming out of the shaft itself, halfway up it and I can tell I disgust her. She doesn't want to really say anything to hurt my feelings or anything.

26:33 Drew Maybe she just doesn't like giving oral sex.

26:37 Caller I thought about that but when she had to pick hair and stuff out of her mouth and everything, it's just a disgust for her. She'd stop when she started having to do that. Yeah.

26:47 Drew Isn't most of the action away from the base there? Couldn't she busy herself elsewhere?

26:53 Adam Yeah. The control tower at the top there is really, that's where all the action is. That's hooked right up to the spine. The base is just merely a pedestal for the head of the penis.

27:04 Caller I mean, it goes up pretty far. The hair goes out pretty far.

27:08 Adam How long is your penis when it's erect?

27:10 Caller When it's erect, about seven and a half.

27:13 Adam Seven and a half. Not bad. How far does the hair go down?

27:18 Caller So to speak. Probably about four inches.

27:22 Adam Yikes. Wow. Still got three and a half to work with though, right? Yeah.

27:27 Drew She just probably doesn't like doing this.

27:28 Adam Yeah. You don't want to get rid of that hair in some fashion?

27:31 I like to get rid of it. I don't want to shave it because I know that would probably make it worse.

27:34 Drew Is she going to wax it? Is she going to do it?

27:36 Adam Well, why does shaving it make it worse? Just shave it off.

27:39 Drew Yeah. Just shave it regularly.

27:40 Adam Just buzz it off.

27:42 Drew Give it a little barber shave.

27:43 Adam Yeah.

27:43 Drew Barber shavers.

27:44 Adam Are you serious, Chris?

27:46 Caller What's that?

27:47 Adam Are you serious about this question?

27:49 Caller Yes, I'm serious.

27:50 Adam Okay. First off, what do you do? Are you junior college or are you just working?

27:55 Caller No, I'm just working right now.

27:57 Adam Right. But you're thinking about junior college, aren't you?

28:00 Caller No.

28:00 Drew Dreaming.

28:02 Adam One day you're going to junior college. Oh, yes. Listen, there should, if there's any reason at any moment that you think that someone is not giving you oral sex because of fill in the blank, you focus full time on whatever that is. You understand?

28:20 Drew Yeah.

28:21 Adam And if it's, if you think, if you think for a hot second that she's not giving you oral because there's hair growing up your penis, prune the penis. Obviously. And Drew, what is that with the hair growing halfway up?

28:35 Drew What?

28:36 Adam You don't see that very often, do you?

28:38 Drew No, some people have that.

28:40 Adam And we have heard it a few times. Just shave it off.

28:43 Drew Yeah, they get those little beard trimmers.

28:46 Adam You know, it's funny, though. It's like people like, no, women do this with their mustache. Like, hey, I don't want to shave it. It'll come back thicker. All right, genius. Just walk around with a mustache, then. Instead of, at least if you shave it, there's that period of time where it's been shaving where you do not have a mustache.

29:06 Drew But the reasoning is that every time I shave it will get thicker. Pretty soon it will be like some sort of caterpillar.

29:12 Adam Yeah. Leroy Neiman.

29:15 Drew Men's faces should be completely overtaken. You should be able to see their skin. They shave every day.

29:20 Adam Right.

29:21 Drew Right. It's thicker every time they shave.

29:23 Adam We should all look like the guy who helped out at the sawmill from Little House on the Prairie. He also did another Michael Landon Heaven Help Me. Heaven Can Wait. Heaven's Gate.

29:38 Drew Heaven's Cross.

29:39 Adam And going to Heaven. Heaven Lane. What was that Michael Landon? Heaven. Stairway to Heaven.

29:45 Drew Stairway to Heaven.

29:45 Adam Stairway to Heaven. Really? I wonder if Led Zeppelin got a piece of that. OK. But listen, if you shave whatever you're thinking about shaving, ladies and or gentlemen, there will be a time when you do not have hair instead of medium hair constantly. Highway to Heaven. There you go. Thank you. I knew it wasn't stairway to Heaven. Mike. Mike. You're 18. What's up?

30:12 Caller All right. I've had a girlfriend for probably a couple months now. And we had prom last week.

30:19 Adam You went to the prom?

30:20 Caller Yeah. We went to prom together. OK. And after prom, we decided that we've been thinking about it for a while. We were going to maybe have sex.

30:30 Adam This is 18 and a virgin.

30:32 Caller Yes. Yes. We both were. We thought it would be about the right time. We went to her house. We had sex. We were going into it. I kind of went down on her first. I smelled her virgin and I figured it was kind of stinky. I didn't think much of it.

30:52 Adam Well, you know, when you're dancing the night away in three layers of chiffon, you work up a little scent.

30:59 Caller I mean, she's a normal-looking girl. She takes care of herself and stuff. But as we were having sex, I don't know, the smell, like, it's like a stinky BO smell. It's like a weird smell.

31:10 Adam Bad times, yeah.

31:11 Drew Well, there's a certain amount of normal smell there that's like that. You know what I'm saying?

31:16 Caller I don't have a whole lot of experience, but I'm wondering if this is like normal.

31:19 Drew It sounds about normal.

31:21 Adam Well, listen, if you take a woman out, you know, I don't know if you got a whiff of the back of your sack after a night of dancing.

31:29 Drew In taffeta.

31:31 Adam In that rented tux of yours. But you go out for, I don't know, five, six hours, right? I mean, what time did you pick her up for the prom?

31:39 Caller Well, we went to Jennifer around like 5.30.

31:42 Adam 5.30, and what time, how long did it take you to get the panties off?

31:47 Caller Not too long, prom got over 11. We left a little bit early, and I'd say probably around midnight.

31:54 Adam Midnight.

31:55 Drew Seven hours.

31:56 Adam Six and a half hours.

31:57 Drew Work day.

31:58 Adam Yeah, you can work up a good funk in that period of time.

32:02 Caller Yeah, so like, is this a pretty bad smell? It's probably just because, like, the time is...

32:07 Drew It sounds normal. If it's overwhelming, and it's particular...

32:10 Caller So does she sketchy like a virgin or something?

32:12 Drew No, it doesn't do it with virginity. If it's a fishy smell, sometimes it can be an infection. So it's something she may want to get checked out of. Because if you guys are now sexually active, it's important that she get a pelvic exam and make sure that her health is taken care of.

32:26 Adam That's the whole thing, too, though. A couple of things. First off, Mike is 18, but sounded like he was 14, right? He's still in the yummy phase of life, as I like to say. All men and women, women stay in it longer. Maybe their whole lives, but men, all you begin life in the yummy stage. What do you want to eat when you're two or three years old? You want corn dogs. You want McDonald's. That's all you want.

32:52 Drew Yeah, macaroni and cheese.

32:53 Adam Yeah, you want caviar when you're nine? No, it tastes like crap. You want beer. You want champagne. You want a cigar. You want cigarettes. You want heroin. You want a vagina. No, you're in the yummy phase. That's how you're born. Every man is born into the yummy phase. That's all. You want to eat nothing but Captain Crunch and corn dogs. That's it. And you get older, you start getting introduced to things. People, producer Ann, you know, Kevin and Bean, Morning Show, the fabulous Mother Station K-Rock.

33:27 Drew Yummy.

33:27 Adam Yummy phase.

33:28 Drew Stryker.

33:29 Adam These are guys. They're building for you? Yeah.

33:30 Drew Bizarre.

33:31 Adam They don't drink coffee. They drink cocoa.

33:33 Drew He won't touch peanut butter because that's how it looks.

33:36 Adam Too salty. Yeah. These are kids. OK, they think stuff. The texture is weird. It's too salty. And they're not getting in.

33:45 Drew We never touch coffee.

33:46 Adam They're not in cigars.

33:47 Drew Coffee.

33:48 Adam Oh, I want to punch these guys. But the point is, is you give it give a ten year old a shot of brandy, some caviar and a cigar is going to vomit. Hey, he could eat coffee with 14 teaspoons of sugar in it like Dr. Bruce who's beyond yummy face. He's diabetic or something. I don't know what his problem is, but as you get older, you learn to appreciate things that were nauseating to you just a few years earlier. And women parts, they're on that list. Remember that first sip of beer? Not good. I mean, you drank it. A little peer pressure. But that beer at age 14, 15 at the park, Friday night, didn't taste good. Now, you get the shakes if you don't have one. That's it. That's the yummy face. And our last caller, Bill here, in the yummy face. Who was that? Was that Mike?

34:43 Drew Mike, yeah.

34:44 Adam In the yummy face.

34:45 Drew Want to see what he likes to eat and stuff, just for the fun of it?

34:47 Adam Really?

34:47 Drew All right.

34:48 Adam Mike?

34:49 Drew Mike, still there?

34:50 Caller Yes. Yeah.

34:51 Adam Hello. What do you like? Let me ask you a question. You like beer?

34:56 Caller So-so. Yes, I want.

34:58 Adam No.

34:58 Caller Occasionally with the friends.

34:59 Adam Yeah. Right. But you don't really like the taste.

35:02 Caller Yes. I haven't always. I see what you're saying.

35:04 Adam No. And you don't drink coffee. No.

35:07 Caller I just don't like the coffee.

35:08 Adam You don't like the coffee.

35:09 Drew What's your favorite food? What's your favorite food?

35:11 Caller Favorite food? French toast.

35:13 Drew French toast.

35:14 Adam Nice.

35:18 Caller Hot Pockets. I don't know.

35:20 Adam Hot Pockets. French toast. Yeah. They like a lot of Chef Boyardee items.

35:25 Drew French fries.

35:26 Adam A lot of ravioli-os.

35:28 Drew And spaghetti.

35:29 Adam Yeah. Novelty food too. Stuff you can eat with your hands and play with. Okay, Mike. Listen. You get yourself some monkey brains, a big fat Cuban cigar, and some brandy.

35:40 Drew Some sushi.

35:40 Adam All right. All right. Let's get out of that yummy phase. Everyone take a little break. We'll be back after this.

35:48 Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

36:20 Caller Hey, this is Tyra Banks, and you're listening to Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

36:25 Adam Yep, it is. And I am, and he is, and the phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Don't monkey there, Drew.

36:35 Drew I got one ear going.

36:36 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, my sound seemed to have dropped out a little. We're having, shocking, some technical difficulties here at Westwood 2, home of the oldest equipment in North America. I guarantee it. Shocking! What's this place of dump? Man, is this place of dump. But I'll tell you one thing about the good folks over here at Westwood 1 or Westwood 2. Profitable. Westwood None. Not only is it profitable, because every penny is profit. Nothing goes back into the equipment. But number two, they either don't listen to this show or just have a ton of pride. I don't know what it is, but I have gone on five-minute-long rants about what a dump this hellhole is, known as Westwood 1. They still don't get themselves a fax machine, which by the way, you can probably get one for what?

37:29 Drew $8500.

37:30 Adam $8500. Yeah. The reason we don't have a fax is because they don't make the paper that the fax machine would have used. They discontinued it.

37:39 Drew In 1937.

37:40 Adam I think they were buying it from Military Surplus for a while, and they eventually ran out. Jim.

37:47 Yeah.

37:47 Adam You're 32. What's up?

37:50 Caller Yeah. I'm 32 and a little situation happened last night. We got these toys, right? Sex toys. My wife ordered and stuff and they gave us a free thing, right? And it glows in the dark. So I walk in. She's asleep. I walk in. I see the thing glowing in the dark. I go, I got to try it. And it's a little apparatus. You can slip on to help yourself, you know? Just to masturbate.

38:13 Adam Slip it on to your penis?

38:14 Caller Oh, yeah.

38:15 Adam And then what do you do with it?

38:16 Caller Well, then you just, it's got little nubblies in it and everything and it glows really bright. I mean, it's shocked. But it was really tight. Okay? So I just kept going and...

38:28 Drew What did you do with it?

38:29 Caller Well, I know, I came, I came and...

38:32 Drew What did you do? How did it operate? What did you do with it? Oh, no, no, no.

38:35 Caller It's just like a rubber latex thing that just slips right over it. But the hole...

38:39 Drew Amazing job...

38:40 Caller .was really small.

38:42 Adam Yeah, really.

38:44 Drew The reason, the reason that doesn't... If you really have a question, why would you focus on the glowing thing?

38:50 Adam I don't know.

38:50 Drew Why would that come up three times?

38:52 Adam I can't figure out whether Jim is BSing or he's just one of those guys that's the reason women hate guys.

38:59 Drew Oh yeah, he could be one of the guys.

39:00 Adam It just sounds like everything comes out of their mouth. It sounds like BS. There's nothing behind it.

39:07 Drew It made you suspicious because he emphasized stuff that was not just unimportant, like didn't even need to be brought up.

39:14 Why did he bring up the glow in the dark?

39:16 Adam For me it was just a vibe.

39:17 Drew I didn't get anything from his voice.

39:19 Adam Hey Jim.

39:20 Caller Yeah.

39:21 Adam So, but I'm just going to give you the benefit of the doubt and just say you're one of those dude dudes.

39:27 Caller No, no, this is not for real. The only thing I talked about glowing is because I've had this thing for a week and haven't touched it. Okay? It just caught my eye.

39:35 Adam That's it.

39:36 Caller This is all legit. Swear to God.

39:39 Adam Okay. So, you put this thing over your penis and you use it.

39:42 Drew Congratulations, you're one of those guys. Adam is proud.

39:45 Adam You use it to masturbate.

39:47 Caller I don't use it. I used it once last night.

39:50 Adam Right.

39:50 Caller But anyways, it really hurt. When I finished, it really, and like I said, it was really tight, tight fitting. So, I was thinking maybe like one of those rings or something. I, you know, maybe that's what it was trying to be like. Anyways, when I finished it hurt, but you know, it feels good anyways. So, I go to rinse it out because I'm going to go to bed and there's blood in my semen. Now, obviously when I peed afterwards, there was irritation. There was irritation later on today. Tonight, we just went to dinner and I'm like, okay, but you know, it's still tender down there. Could it have been just some ruptured blood?

40:26 Drew Yes, yes, yes, it could have been. And then the irritation can be caused just from the blood being emitted, but it is something worthy of getting checked out.

40:34 Caller Really, you still think I should do this?

40:35 Drew You can't, you know, it needs to be proven to be nothing, which I suspect it is, and I suspect you're right, it's just a broken vessel, but you know, it should be proven otherwise.

40:44 Adam The moral of the story is don't walk in the room, see whatever's glowing and use it to ejaculate into. And by the way, the whole glow-in-the-dark thing, that's cooled down a little bit, hasn't it?

40:57 Drew I think about 30 years ago.

40:59 Adam Yeah. When I was growing up, every third thing glowed in the dark.

41:03 Drew Especially skeletons and skulls, remember that?

41:05 Adam Skulls glowed in the dark, but even like key chains and things. Somehow it was a large aid that something could be spotted like a beacon in the night.

41:16 Drew Yeah, green.

41:18 Adam Now, I'll tell you what I'd be down with with that, TV remote. That I could see glowin in the dark. That I could be down with. You walk into the den, the light's off. You want to flick the TV on, can't find the remote, turn the light on. Then you turn the TV on and then sometimes go back and turn the light off. That I could see. What else?

41:39 Drew We have to sit down and make a list.

41:40 Adam Oh, really?

41:40 Drew Yeah. Not necessarily during the radio show though.

41:43 Adam Oh, I see.

41:43 Drew Yeah.

41:44 Adam All right. You want to take some calls?

41:45 Caller Oh, boy.

41:46 Adam All right.

41:48 Drew I could see him at the glow in the dark factory.

41:52 Adam No. Huelhauser? Yeah. No. First off, you can't eat stuff that glows in the dark. He only goes to factories of stuff you can eat. Number two, it's way too advanced. That would be far too interesting. He has to go to the Tortilla Churro Factory. Ashley?

42:07 Yeah.

42:08 Adam You're 16?

42:08 Caller Yeah.

42:10 Drew What's up?

42:10 Caller Okay. I've been on orthotricycline since August or whatever. And my boyfriend and I always use that plus condoms and usually spermicide too. But we were thinking about possibly doing it with no condom after you kind of quack my parents.

42:24 Drew Wait, wait, wait. You're on the tricyclic birth control pill?

42:27 Caller Yeah.

42:28 Drew Which has virtually 100% effectiveness.

42:30 Caller It's what?

42:30 Drew It's virtually 100% effective.

42:32 Caller Okay.

42:33 Drew And then you're using spermicide and condom on top of that?

42:35 Caller Yeah.

42:36 Drew Why?

42:38 Caller Because I don't want a baby.

42:39 Drew Okay. Well, being on the birth control pill is...

42:41 Adam And she's a little paranoid.

42:42 Drew Yeah. Quite a bit paranoid.

42:43 Caller Yeah.

42:44 Drew And unless you're using it for safe sex, which is fine, you're worried about an STD or something, but if you need it for contraception, you're done. If you take the pill at the same time every day, that's it.

42:54 Adam What do you do with that spermicide? You put it on the condom, on the outside?

42:59 Caller No. It's got an applicator that kind of looks like a tampon, and it's like foam or something, and you just put it in.

43:04 Drew It ejects it in.

43:06 Adam It sounds like you just take a holiday fogger, like one of those roach foggers, light it off in your vagina, and then you have sex.

43:13 Caller Yeah, exactly.

43:14 Adam Any fleas that are in there, anything that comes out of the penis, you're killed. That spermicide's not all that effective anyway, is it?

43:21 Drew No, it isn't.

43:22 Adam It's not a bad concept.

43:23 Drew Yeah. If they ever have one that worked.

43:26 Adam Right. You know what they ought to release? Forget about the poison. They need like a parasite. They need something that eats sperm. Like our first caller tonight.

43:36 Drew Yeah. Maybe they'll release her into somebody's vagina.

43:40 Adam A small animal. I mean, it would have to be smaller. Probably in the rodent family. Maybe insect.

43:47 Drew You work this out with your crotch sniffing dogs. You can work it out with them.

43:51 Adam Oh.

43:52 Drew Have a little... Yeah.

43:54 Adam A little pow wow with my scientists.

43:56 Drew Yeah.

43:56 Adam But yeah, instead of killing the sperm, just find something that was an enemy of the sperm, that would actually eat the sperm.

44:03 Drew The enemy of the sperm. That's your new movie?

44:06 Adam That's a Travolta movie, isn't it? Jesus Christ, I was watching... I don't know what the hell I was doing. You know, there's nothing that makes me more angry than a movie that everyone says they like that blows. I don't know why, but there was a string of movies like Broken Arrow and Face Off and these sort of John Travolta movies, which are really... I would classify as gay porn more than I would an action movie. I was standing in the airport in New York on an hour and a half sleep with still some booze in my system on Friday morning and I was passing by the DVD store and they were showing Face Off where you got Nicolas Cage and John Travolta and I was thinking about the pitch for the movie. Well, you got one guy who's narrow is Bing Crosby and then you got this other guy at this big Buddha head. And what we do is we have this laser and it goes around the guy's face and he pulls the face off and then he plants it on the other guy and then the other guy says he's him even though there's a difference of 70 pounds or so and maybe three inches in height and of course voice characteristics, mannerisms, everything. His wife doesn't seem to notice. As we all know, as if you could just pull your face off and I wonder how these goddamn pitches get through Hollywood. Like is there anybody raising their hand going, what do you mean you pull, what do you mean you cut the guy's face off and stick it to the other guy?

45:35 Drew But Nick Cage and John Fulton say they're into it. They want to do something together.

45:38 Adam Oh, okay, we'll do it then.

45:39 Drew Let's do it. There it is.

45:40 Adam Game over. How come one of those guys don't raise their hands and go, excuse me, earth to Tardos. What do you mean pull a guy's face off and stick it on the other guy's face and then they want you to buy into the whole thing. It drives me insane. It's like that piece of crap, Liar, Liar, that Jim Carrey was in. Well, he can't lie. He can't tell the truth. He has to tell the truth. Yeah. How come? Well, his kid, yeah, is having a birthday party. Uh-huh. And you know the part where you make the wish, you blow out the candles? Right. He wished that he couldn't lie anymore. I see. So, Drew, now you have three kids, so be careful.

46:21 Drew Yeah. Oh, God. I mean, every year on the birthday, I expect mayhem.

46:26 Adam That's right. You could be turned into a black athlete. You could be transformed into a woman or a giant poodle. Whatever those kids wish. Okay. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

46:41 Love Line will be right back. So get your problems ready. Ready.

47:45 Adam You've pulled it out. Some painful is going to happen to us before the night is through.

47:49 Drew Is that better?

47:50 Adam Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Hey, good times. Whoa! Oh, no, you could be an engineer here at Westwood, too. Okay, back to the phones, here we go. Melissa?

48:02 Caller Yeah.

48:02 Adam You're 17?

48:04 Caller Yeah, I'm 17. How are you?

48:05 Adam Good. What's up?

48:07 Caller Well, my boyfriend, he lives in Fort Lauderdale right now. I know he lives in Tampa, and so it's kind of a long-distance thing going on. We've been together for like five months.

48:16 Drew How old is he?

48:17 Caller He's 18. He went to Fort Lauderdale to make some quick cash because he had some problems with his uncle, and he wanted to go and dance.

48:28 Drew Problems with his uncle? What does that mean?

48:30 Caller Well, his uncle, he moved in with his uncle when he was 16.

48:33 Drew Why?

48:35 Caller Because he's had a lot of family problems.

48:37 Drew Evidently. What's up with his parents?

48:39 Caller His mom and his dad were both Coke addicts. His mom was a prostitute. She has AIDS. She's got full-blown AIDS and she's dying.

48:45 Caller And what happened with the uncle?

48:48 Caller Well, the dad's in prison and the dad left James at his uncle's house.

48:53 Drew Let me just tell you that somebody with James, that your boyfriend's name?

48:56 Caller Yeah.

48:57 Drew Somebody with that history and then God, you know, surprise, surprise gets in trouble with the uncle. Was the uncle became abusive or something?

49:04 Caller Well, I don't think that any of them really are alcoholics.

49:06 Drew I didn't say alcoholic. Just he became abusive. People, when kids leave home, it's because somebody's really giving them big trouble.

49:12 Caller Well, he was adopted by, because his mom was arrested.

49:15 Drew What's the uncle doing? What's the uncle doing?

49:17 Caller Well, the uncle has been giving him drugs and like sexually trying to be with him.

49:22 Drew Alright, that's abuse, okay?

49:23 Caller Yeah.

49:24 Drew And when a kid with that history says, I'm going to make some quick cash, that's prostitution, right? Would you say?

49:30 Caller Yeah, basically. Yeah, he was trying to hustle at the beginning, but he really didn't like it.

49:35 Drew No, he didn't like it. He didn't make enough money. He's still doing it, I guarantee you. What are you doing with a guy like, with a prostitute?

49:42 Caller Well, he's not prostituting, though. He works in a club. He works dancing. He does his glow stick thing in the club. And I've seen him do it.

49:50 Drew Well, hang on a second.

49:51 Caller I know that's what he does.

49:51 Drew What's a glow stick?

49:52 Adam What's a glow stick up his ass?

49:54 Drew No. We're on a dark theme tonight. It keeps coming.

49:58 Caller It's like little gay rave clubs. I don't know.

50:00 Adam Gay.

50:01 Drew It's a gay club.

50:02 Caller That's not my question.

50:02 Adam How old is he? 17?

50:04 Caller He's 18.

50:05 Adam 18, alright.

50:07 Drew Melissa, what is up with you? What is up with you that you can't see reality here?

50:11 Caller Well, my question really is because...

50:14 Drew We almost don't care because this is...

50:16 Caller Well, he's been gone and we've had a lot of problems and stuff. And we just fight a lot. And I met this other guy. And he's a little bit older than me. He's 23, but he's a really nice guy.

50:28 Drew He's 23. You're 17.

50:31 Caller Alright, come on.

50:31 Adam Let her ask. Go ahead.

50:32 Drew Alright, what's the question?

50:33 Adam Where did you meet him? At the Waffle House?

50:37 Caller No, for like 6 months, I was going to this pet store. Because I love turtles, and I was buying turtles and stuff. And I met him there. He works there. He's a really nice guy. He works at the pet store. It's just a break. I really don't feel anything for him. And I don't think like...

50:54 Drew Well, the fact that you don't feel anything for him, now I'm suddenly enthusiastic about him. You know what I'm saying?

51:00 Adam So, you don't feel anything for him. What's your question?

51:04 Caller I do feel. I do.

51:05 Caller I like him a lot. But, I mean, my boyfriend, My boyfriend, he seems really like fucked up right now.

51:11 Drew I'm sorry.

51:12 Caller He seems really messed up. I'm sorry.

51:13 Drew The choices he's making is keeping him going down a path of real serious, serious behavioral problems. Things that are going to be very destructive and potentially lethal to him. He's hustling. He's a gay prostitute. And a gay dancer.

51:31 Caller He's never prostituted. He's never had sex for money. Never.

51:35 Drew Didn't you say he was hustling to begin with?

51:37 Caller Well, he was thinking about it. That was his other option. Besides going to Fort Lauderdale to dance in the club.

51:44 Adam Okay.

51:45 Caller And see, he's living right now. He's living with this guy who writes for like a gay magazine. And he does like a lot of advertisement for gay clubs and stuff. And this guy, like...

51:56 Adam He writes for Men's Health? Men's Health, is that the magazine?

52:01 Caller No, he writes for a gay magazine.

52:03 Adam And that is a gay magazine.

52:05 Caller Oh, I don't know. It's a magazine called Hot Spots.

52:08 Adam I see.

52:09 Caller Okay. And so like this guy, and he's a coke addict. And so he's like trying to get my boyfriend to do all these kinds of things. And I really don't think that he's doing it. But, I mean, I'm just really unsure about everything.

52:23 Adam All right, baby. What is up with you?

52:26 Caller Yeah, I don't know. I just I care about him a lot.

52:30 Adam Oh, this guy is a project. You should raise the Titanic.

52:38 Drew Yeah, it would be easier. It would take less time.

52:41 Adam And be easier to pull off than fixing this guy.

52:43 Drew Or than having a safe, stable relationship with him. It's just not going to happen.

52:47 Caller I've always had a safe, stable relationship with him.

52:49 Adam Now you said you fight all the time.

52:51 Caller Well, now we do. And he's only been there for like two weeks. So, I mean, we've been together for a couple of weeks.

52:56 Adam Okay. Do not get pregnant.

52:59 Caller Oh, I was pregnant.

53:00 Adam You're shocking. Shocking. What are you doing? What do you do? How does it work? Do you just go, hey, I'm white trash, screw it. I'm getting pregnant. I'm going to hook up with this bi guy who does a glow in the dark stick dance at some gay place.

53:14 Caller He never did that.

53:16 Adam Please. He just said he doesn't dance with a glow in the dark stick.

53:20 Caller Yeah, but for the past month since he's lived in Port Lauderdale, he's still living in Port Lauderdale.

53:24 Adam Please, please use protection.

53:26 Caller I always have.

53:28 Adam Here's what I want to say to you.

53:29 Drew You got pregnant though. You always use it.

53:31 Adam Melissa.

53:33 Drew Poor Melissa.

53:34 Adam Are you in high school?

53:36 Caller No, not anymore.

53:37 Adam What's up?

53:39 Caller I quit school.

53:40 Drew Why?

53:40 Adam What's your plan?

53:43 Caller Well, I've been basically trying to get my job back or get another job because it just moved. I have like a really unstable life.

53:49 Adam No kidding.

53:51 Drew Yeah, Melissa. You've got to get your own mess together here.

53:54 Adam Here's the thing, Melissa.

53:55 Caller Yeah.

53:56 Adam You know what you need in your life? Someone who's extra sane.

54:00 Drew Extra boring.

54:01 Adam No, extra sane.

54:03 Drew Yeah, but she's a Roger.

54:04 Adam You're at a little sane deficit. Now, you managed to find someone who's more screwed up than you are. That's dangerous.

54:12 Drew Yeah. That's a volatile, you know, explosive.

54:16 Adam Basically it's like this, Melissa. You are trapped out in the wilderness. It is getting dark and it's going to snow. You need to find a guy who's got a compass and some outdoor experience. You found an interior decorator from Beverly Hills who's drunk. Look for the areas.

54:35 Fill that space.

54:37 Adam That's right. You found Christopher Lowe.

54:40 Drew Barefoot.

54:41 Adam Now you're both going to freeze, didn't I?

54:43 Drew Yeah. That's right.

54:43 Adam You got to, and this goes out to all you screwed up people.

54:47 Drew Yeah, but they're not attracted.

54:49 Adam I know you're not attracted to them, but be smart enough to look in the mirror and go, listen, I'm screwed up. I got to start hanging around with people that are not as screwed up as I am.

54:57 Drew You don't have to choose to go with your attractions. You can choose to go with something a little less enticing, but in the long term will help you a lot more.

55:05 Adam I say you go with Mr. Fastlane at the turtle shop.

55:10 Drew Yeah, I'm enthusiastic about him all of a sudden. Yeah, I am.

55:13 Adam I thought those turtles carried hepatitis, Drew. I thought it was illegal to have those as pets.

55:17 Drew That's the little guys, yeah.

55:18 Adam Oh, the little ones? Nicole?

55:21 Caller Yeah.

55:22 Adam I love turtles. You're 13.

55:24 Drew Get the box turtles now.

55:26 Adam What's up?

55:27 Caller Well, I was wondering if it was harmful to my breast to wear a bra at night.

55:31 Drew Why? I mean, how could that be?

55:33 Caller Oh, I don't know. My mother's been hassling me about it. She's like, oh, you'll get a cyst or something. I'm like, I don't think so.

55:39 Drew No, you know, underwire bras can irritate, but I'm not sure.

55:42 Adam You wear a bra when you go to bed?

55:44 Caller Yeah, usually.

55:45 Caller My mom's like, take that off!

55:47 Caller And she's like ridiculous.

55:48 Adam You do a good impersonation of your mom, by the way. A good impression.

55:51 Drew I don't understand.

55:54 Adam Why do you wear a bra to sleep?

55:55 It's comfortable. I mean, I'm rather large, so like...

55:58 Adam Slow down. You're large.

56:00 Caller Yeah.

56:00 Adam What are you?

56:01 Caller I'm 34C.

56:03 Bonesy bonesy!

56:04 Adam Right?

56:05 Caller Yeah.

56:06 Adam And, well, I have a huge penis, but you don't see me wearing a jockstrap to bed.

56:10 Caller You do?

56:13 Adam No, no, I don't. See, that's...

56:15 Drew That's the joke.

56:16 Adam No more.

56:17 Drew Nicole, I think it's fine. If that's more comfortable for you, I don't see any problem with that at all. You can get some underwear... The underwire bras will irritate and cause some problems that way, but maybe get something that doesn't give you that same kind of support to wear to bed. That's it.

56:28 Adam Yeah, it will save you time in the morning. Why don't you just put some pants and a blouse on, too? You pop right out of bed and go straight to school.

56:34 Drew What do you think is up with mom? Is she freaked out that she's getting to be sort of...

56:37 Adam She's paranoid.

56:38 Drew Yeah, I think that is what it is.

56:40 Adam Yeah. Is your mom Jewish? Yeah. Yeah. What a guess. I'm clairvoyant. All right. You're fine.

56:49 Drew How dare you? Are you profiling somebody?

56:52 Are you profiling?

56:54 Adam Nicole?

56:55 Caller Yeah.

56:55 Adam You're fine. You sleep on your back or your stomach?

56:58 Caller My back.

56:59 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, listen. You need it. You need it. You enjoy it. Enjoy it. Fine. Okay. Thank you. Tell them George said it was fine. I'll tell you what. Why don't you sleep in the bra and then take the bra off and go to school? That'll make your mom happy.

57:12 I'm sure.

57:13 Adam Okay, Nicole.

57:13 All right.

57:14 Adam So what are you in the 7th grade?

57:15 Drew 8th grade.

57:16 Adam 8th.

57:16 Drew Okay.

57:17 Adam Watch out for those guys, right?

57:19 Caller Yeah.

57:19 Caller They don't even know where my face is anymore.

57:21 Drew Yeah. Is you okay with that?

57:22 Caller It's all right.

57:23 Caller Just got to remind them once in a while.

57:24 Drew Yeah. They can't help themselves. You know, they just can't.

57:27 Adam Yeah.

57:28 Drew And just recognize them for what they are.

57:31 Adam Yeah.

57:32 Drew Helpless.

57:34 Adam Compliment. What about a lot of women that are interested in guys who drive a nice car, make a lot of money, do whatever? I mean, how much more superficial can you get?

57:43 Drew Yeah.

57:45 Adam You know what I mean? It's got a guy who wears a nice watch.

57:48 Drew But men, I mean, sometimes can't control themselves. Their eyes just do their own thing at that age especially.

57:54 Adam In eighth grade? Please. Bill?

57:56 Drew Yeah.

57:57 Adam You're 18? What's up?

57:59 Caller Well, for the past couple weeks, I've just been having a hard time getting an orgasm from masturbation.

58:05 Drew You got medication? That'll do it.

58:09 Caller It will?

58:09 Drew Yep.

58:10 Caller Oh, really?

58:11 Drew You changed your dose recently or?

58:13 Caller Um, well, maybe a couple months ago.

58:17 Drew All right. That might be it, though. You got to talk to your doctor about it.

58:20 Caller Okay.

58:21 Adam Will nothing come out of you?

58:22 Caller Um, well, a couple weeks ago, it was just that it was erect and nothing would come out. And then after a while, it just, you know, wouldn't even get erect.

58:32 Drew Ooh.

58:33 Caller And, yeah.

58:34 Adam Well, after you punished it for...

58:36 Drew For lack of compliance.

58:38 Adam Tugged on it.

58:38 Drew Yes.

58:39 Adam Interrogated it like a Nazi prisoner.

58:42 Caller Exactly.

58:43 Adam Yeah.

58:44 Drew Yeah, but talk to your doctor about it. That is a side effect of that medication.

58:47 Adam Yeah.

58:47 Caller I mean, recently, over the past few days, it started becoming erect again. And I still get the pre-ejaculatory fluid, but that's it.

58:55 Drew Are you on something besides the effects, sir?

58:56 Caller No.

58:57 Drew All right.

58:58 Is there anything else I could try?

59:00 Drew Uh, yeah. There are a lot of things you can try. But you got to talk to your doctor about it, okay?

59:03 Caller Okay. All right.

59:05 Adam All right, Bill. I'll tell you, I have a complete dominance over my penis.

59:09 Drew Control? I don't have control.

59:13 Adam I tell my nuts to jump and they say, how high? That's right. I crack that whip.

59:20 Drew Penis is not whipped.

59:22 Adam I will tug on that thing until something comes out. Always been that way. A lot of resolve when it comes to that.

59:28 Drew I'm proud of you. Let's keep going.

59:31 Adam John, Drew, you break some wind in this?

59:34 Drew No, I didn't. What are you smelling?

59:35 Adam No. In the theater here? No. You smell a little something. John?

59:39 Caller Yeah?

59:39 Adam You're 20?

59:40 Caller Yeah.

59:40 Adam What's up?

59:42 Caller Yeah. Well, recently, about two weeks ago, I noticed that I had blood when I went to the bathroom. And I made an appointment for a Tuesday for the doctor.

59:56 Caller And I want to know the possibility of what could it be.

59:59 Drew That was the first time you had that?

1:00:01 Caller Well, it's been kind of...

1:00:03 Caller I've had little droplets like from the past, I guess, three years.

1:00:07 Drew No diarrhea?

1:00:09 Caller No, no diarrhea.

1:00:10 Drew And no other symptoms? No abdominal pain, anything like that?

1:00:12 Caller Some abdominal pain, I guess.

1:00:15 Caller Some cramps, I guess.

1:00:16 Drew Any irritation in the anal area?

1:00:20 Caller A little.

1:00:22 Drew It's probably just an internal hemorrhoid. But you do need to get it checked out.

1:00:25 Caller All right, thank you.

1:00:26 Adam All right, good times.

1:00:27 Drew All right.

1:00:28 Adam Now listen, I'm fixing one of these days ago, the doctor, and get the finger in the ass, you know?

1:00:35 Drew You need to get the whole scope done. You had rectal bleeding, remember?

1:00:38 Adam No, that was just a little something. That was superficial. I don't think I was in the stool. A little something on the surface of the ass.

1:00:45 Drew Whatever.

1:00:45 Adam Here's my point. Yeah. Can I take like a Valium or Quaalude or something before I go in there? You know what I'm saying? What do they need me for? They just need my ass. Take a pill, get myself out of it, general anesthetic.

1:01:04 Drew It's just a rectal exam, dude.

1:01:05 Adam But how about I get myself like an ether tank or something?

1:01:09 Drew If you were going to have the whole ream job, the sigmoid or the colonoscopy, they would give you plenty.

1:01:14 Adam Would they? How do they do that?

1:01:16 Drew Well, the colonoscopy, they put IV and they put you down.

1:01:19 Adam Put you under?

1:01:19 Caller Yeah.

1:01:20 Drew I mean, not general anesthetic, but you're asleep.

1:01:23 Adam Well, what's the difference between being asleep and having a general anesthetic?

1:01:26 Drew They take over completely. You're on a breathing machine.

1:01:29 Adam Oh, I mean, general is, your lungs ain't working.

1:01:32 Drew Nothing's working. You're shut down.

1:01:34 Adam Well, isn't your heart working?

1:01:35 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, they've taken over.

1:01:37 Adam You would die if they put you under a general and they did not keep you going.

1:01:41 Drew Yes.

1:01:42 Adam But the other one is just...

1:01:44 Drew You just sleep. You just, it's just sleep. Yeah, I mean, if somebody cut on you while you were asleep, you'd wake up.

1:01:49 Adam Oh, you would. But if they put their fist in your ass, wouldn't you wake up?

1:01:53 Drew They give you enough pain medicine that that kind of thing is tolerable.

1:01:56 Adam Where do they shoot that one? Like in your spine? Like in the base? But don't they have to numb your coulee?

1:02:03 Drew No, no, you don't feel it. I've had it done. It's not bad. Really? It's not bad.

1:02:06 Adam You're saying you enjoyed it?

1:02:08 Drew You might say that.

1:02:12 Adam This is Dr. Pfistenstein. He's going to give you your sigmonoscopy. What the hell is that called? Hey, Drew, what about that stuff that you hear advertised on the AM stations where they have the whole body imaging?

1:02:28 Drew Yeah, I think that is such an incredible waste.

1:02:33 Adam Really?

1:02:33 Drew Yeah, I think people don't understand what they're doing when it comes to that. They think there's some sort of magic, some voodoo you're seeing into my body. Yeah. You have to take it organ system by organ system. The colon, you can see a colon cancer on those CAT scans, but you can't see the polyps that need to be removed to prevent cancer. So you still need a colonoscopy. So it does nothing there. For the heart, it tells you whether you need workup to see if there's functionally significant narrowing in the arteries. And they tend to alert people to that, but if they're getting proper physical exam, they're being assessed properly, if they get regular screening tests, they're more accurate and they're better and they send you down the path of workup.

1:03:18 Adam What about your brain and your lungs? Liver?

1:03:21 Drew Liver, get no information. Pancreas, if you have cancer there, it's game over. Lung, it may be useful, but we're already doing something called spiral CTs there every three to five years anywhere for people who are at risk.

1:03:31 Adam What about your brain?

1:03:33 Drew There's no screening of the brain.

1:03:35 Adam Still, the idea of doing that sort of Star Trek thing where they just load you into a big cylinder and slide you back out again, well, it's better not doing it, isn't it? What do you mean, no? Of course it's better nothing.

1:03:48 Drew No, because for instance, I take the heart, if they prematurely send you down a path to an angiogram, you're putting yourself at risk. In other words, the accuracy of a test is dependent on the probability of it being positive. In other words, a test is only useful when you know what you're looking for. So unless it's a screening test.

1:04:07 Adam Here's what I'm saying. You take your car, you put it up on the rack, guy walks around underneath it with a drop light, sees if he can spot anything.

1:04:15 Drew If there's things like this, there's going to be trouble down the road. Yeah, the path he needs to go down. That's right. This is not that.

1:04:21 Adam And I, okay, we'll get into this off the air. I didn't understand the angiogram part. I don't see what's wrong with that. Nick?

1:04:28 Yeah.

1:04:28 Adam You're 21?

1:04:29 Caller Yes.

1:04:30 Adam What's up?

1:04:32 Caller I guess it's been happening since I first started having sex. I don't ejaculate whatsoever.

1:04:37 Adam Ever?

1:04:38 Caller Nope. Well, maybe out of 100 percent of me ever having sex, 5 percent of the time it's happened.

1:04:43 Drew Are you nervous?

1:04:44 Caller Or when oral sex too.

1:04:46 Adam By the way, you can just say 5 percent. You don't have to do the declaration of the out of 100 percent.

1:04:52 Caller Oh, all right.

1:04:53 Adam If you say 5 percent of the time, I won't go, what is that, out of 90 percent or 180 percent? What's the percentage? Okay, so 5 times out of 100.

1:05:03 Caller Yeah.

1:05:03 Drew Are you anxious? Are these with different people?

1:05:05 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah. Different people.

1:05:07 Drew And are you nervous when you're doing this?

1:05:08 Caller No, not really.

1:05:10 Drew Are you into it?

1:05:11 Caller Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:05:12 Adam And you'll just go and go.

1:05:15 Caller I like to energize your bunny.

1:05:16 Adam Nothing will come out.

1:05:17 Caller Right.

1:05:18 Drew Do you lose your erection at some point?

1:05:20 Caller Oh, eventually.

1:05:21 Adam Are you circumcised?

1:05:23 Caller Yes.

1:05:24 Adam And what about through oral sex?

1:05:27 Caller Man, oral sex either, and I've just started getting, like, really good too, and it's, you know. Right. For the first time, it's like a girl who likes doing it.

1:05:35 Drew How about, uh...

1:05:36 Adam Is that all those guys?

1:05:37 Drew How about masturbating?

1:05:38 Caller Oh, yeah. That's no problem.

1:05:40 Drew No problem. And what's different about masturbating?

1:05:42 Caller What's that?

1:05:43 Drew Why is masturbating different?

1:05:44 Adam Well, it's a real thing.

1:05:45 Caller I get it. I don't know.

1:05:47 Adam What position are you in when you masturbate?

1:05:50 Caller Uh, I guess I'm just sitting up.

1:05:52 Adam Sitting up?

1:05:53 Caller Yeah.

1:05:54 Adam Legs straight out in front of you?

1:05:57 Caller Yeah.

1:05:57 Pretty much.

1:05:59 Drew What do you mean? Like at a right angle? To your torso?

1:06:01 No, what I mean is you're on the couch.

1:06:04 Adam You're on the bed? Yeah, you're on the couch. Your legs, do you lock them out in front of you?

1:06:09 No, they're not locked out. It differs.

1:06:11 Caller Uh-huh.

1:06:12 Adam And no trouble there. But you're always sitting on your butt. You're not standing up in the shower or something.

1:06:16 Caller No, uh-uh.

1:06:18 Adam How about you get in that position? Now, you can masturbate. No problem, right?

1:06:23 Caller Right.

1:06:23 Drew How long does it take?

1:06:25 Caller Oh, that varies, man. It's gone anywhere from, you know, two minutes to an hour.

1:06:30 Adam An hour?

1:06:31 Caller Yeah.

1:06:31 Adam Were you drunk?

1:06:32 Caller No.

1:06:33 Adam Not high? Nothing?

1:06:34 Caller Uh-uh.

1:06:35 Adam An hour.

1:06:36 Drew The third time around?

1:06:37 Adam Yeah. You're going for the hat trick?

1:06:39 Caller No, no. Sometimes the hat trick, but sometimes no.

1:06:42 Drew Are you on medication?

1:06:43 Caller Am I what?

1:06:44 Drew On medication?

1:06:45 Caller Oh, uh-uh.

1:06:45 Drew You have any medical problems?

1:06:46 Adam Nope. Nick?

1:06:49 Drew Yes?

1:06:50 Adam You need to assume the position. Here's my advice. Are you ready?

1:06:55 Caller Okay.

1:06:56 Adam Okay. When you masturbate, pick one position. Like lie down on your bed and put your legs out in front of you.

1:07:03 Caller Okay.

1:07:04 Adam And kind of lock yourself out a little bit. Straighten your legs, put them out in front of you. Masturbate in that position. Only in that position. Then, when you're with a girl, half her get on top, and it will be the same position that you're masturbating in.

1:07:18 Drew Why don't you bring yourself close by yourself?

1:07:22 Adam How do you work that out?

1:07:23 Caller Does that rule out everything else, then?

1:07:24 Drew For the time being.

1:07:26 Adam What do you mean? Until you get good at different positions?

1:07:28 Caller Yeah.

1:07:28 Drew Until you get good at this one thing.

1:07:30 Caller Okay. Well, I wanted to cut it out altogether. Masturbating.

1:07:36 Drew You could do that.

1:07:38 Adam You could, but, and Drew, it makes a certain amount of sense, but we know that 21-year-old guys don't really work that way.

1:07:49 Drew No.

1:07:50 Adam Like, hey, I whacked off on Tuesday, and I'm having sex on Friday, and of course, I can't orgasm because I whacked off on Tuesday.

1:07:56 Drew No.

1:07:57 Adam Most 21-year-old guys.

1:07:58 Drew They refuel a few hours later.

1:07:59 Adam They could knock one out at noon, and that evening be getting it on, and have no difficulty.

1:08:05 Drew Yeah.

1:08:06 Adam I say, double down on the masturbation, only in the one position, on the back, legs out in front of you, get her on top, fool your penis into thinking you're masturbating, it'll just be one more. All right. We'll be back.

1:08:49 Hey, what the f*** is up? This is Mark from F***ing Blink 182, and you're listening to F***ing Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. F***ing Drew.

1:08:56 Adam Yep, you is.

1:08:58 Caller It is Loveline.

1:09:00 Adam That is, yeah, Blink 182 will be in here on Tuesday night. Dr. Drew's in. I'm in. Back from fabulous New York. Danny Ash, the big boob, soft core, porn chick who's got the website, who gets a hundred million hits a week or whatever the hell. You know, they always get in those arguments, like whose website gets hit the most, and it's always between Danny Ash, who's that blonde chick with the big jugs, and the other blonde chick with the big jugs, who's, what the hell's her name? Cynthia, Cindy, yes, Cindy, Cindy Margolis, right. And then they get in these big arguments, and they just fudge the numbers, and it all sounds like nonsense. Whatever it is, you could probably cut it in half, right?

1:09:52 Drew Well, whatever it is, it's a lot for both of them.

1:09:54 Adam Right. But they're not getting, if they're, are they getting rich off it? I guess they are.

1:10:01 Caller All right.

1:10:03 Adam See, Drew, you should have put some big boobs on your website. Brian?

1:10:06 Caller Yeah.

1:10:07 Adam You're 19?

1:10:08 Caller Yeah.

1:10:08 Adam What's up?

1:10:09 Caller I was wondering, how often is a healthy frequency for a couple to be having sex?

1:10:15 Drew Why do you ask?

1:10:16 Caller Well, just because, um, kind of I felt rejected when my girl, you know, thought that we were doing it too often, or...

1:10:22 Adam Yeah. Well, what, uh, how, how, it depends how long you've been with the person, too. And how long you've been with the person.

1:10:28 Caller Three years.

1:10:29 Adam Three years.

1:10:30 Caller It took me two and a half before I ever had sex.

1:10:32 Drew It's been about six months you've been doing this. How old is she?

1:10:35 Caller Uh, 17.

1:10:36 Drew Well, most, uh, average couple is about one and a half, two times a week. But at 19, I would see most guys would be interested in maybe every day.

1:10:44 Caller Yep. Yeah.

1:10:45 Drew And women, again, don't often have...

1:10:47 Adam Well, especially when you're making up for two and a half years.

1:10:50 Caller Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1:10:51 Adam Yeah. I mean, you, you feel like you got to, uh...

1:10:55 Caller I worked on it. Yeah. I earned this.

1:10:57 Adam Yeah. I love it. They look at that hymen as a project, guys do. And they've been, uh, they've been pining away and slaving away and burning the midnight oil.

1:11:07 Drew It's like an award of some kind. You know, I earned that one.

1:11:11 Adam Right. And now it's, uh, after two and a half grueling years, it's a game on sexually and he wants to get it going.

1:11:19 Drew It's been six months, though.

1:11:20 Adam So what are you, what are you guys good for a week?

1:11:23 Caller What's that?

1:11:24 Adam How many times a week?

1:11:25 Caller Now?

1:11:25 Drew Yeah.

1:11:26 Caller Maybe two. We went on vacation the other week and not even once. You know, and we...

1:11:31 Drew Well, but that's her, there's sort of a disparity between your, both of your drives and expectations and realize that when men start pushing women, they feel objectified and that turns them off.

1:11:43 Caller Yeah, I was one, I'm only, it's cut down to two because whenever I wanted, I could get it, but I wait for her to initiate because I don't want to push it because I feel like that when she mentioned something that she thought it was too much, I'm not going to.

1:11:57 Drew I'm not right about this.

1:11:58 Adam Yeah, play hard to get.

1:12:02 Drew She's not going to like that either.

1:12:03 Adam No, no. Brian, are you a little insecure? What do you mean? I mean, you seem a little paranoid about being shot down by her.

1:12:16 Drew A lot of guys, that's very troubling to them. Really? Yeah, a lot of guys, they need to feel desired. That's one of the number one reports from men, is they want to feel like their woman really desires her.

1:12:27 I wanted to blame it on her medication.

1:12:29 Drew What's that?

1:12:30 Caller I said I wanted to blame it on her medication, like lowered sex drive.

1:12:32 Drew What's her medicine?

1:12:34 Caller Prozac.

1:12:35 Drew Oh, that'll knock it down quite a bit.

1:12:37 Adam Where'd you guys go on vacation?

1:12:39 Caller What's that?

1:12:40 Adam Where did you go on vacation?

1:12:42 Caller Mesquite, Las Vegas, and St. George.

1:12:45 Adam You? I don't know where St. George is. You just took her?

1:12:47 Drew Utah.

1:12:48 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:12:49 Adam You took her yourself?

1:12:50 Caller Yeah.

1:12:52 Adam And no sex, huh?

1:12:53 Caller No.

1:12:54 Drew Yeah. It could be the Prozac. And then when you start coming on with your anxiety and your needs, she gets even more fields objectified. And you might want to change her medication. Serizone, Welbutrin.

1:13:06 Adam Spanish Lime.

1:13:07 Drew Remeron would not be as likely to cause that shutdown. Prozac really shuts people down.

1:13:11 Adam Yeah. All right. We'll see if she can switch that medication.

1:13:14 Drew I think that'll be smart.

1:13:16 Adam Because that's probably what it is.

1:13:17 Drew That's a big part of it.

1:13:19 Adam Rebecca?

1:13:20 Caller Yes.

1:13:20 Adam You're 23?

1:13:21 Caller Yes.

1:13:21 Adam You know what I think is funny? I love it when anybody in any situation, but especially when guys go, I won't ask you for sex. We'll see what happens. Three months later the guy's just just sitting there, whacking at me and furious. Go ahead, Rebecca.

1:13:38 Caller Well, see, my boyfriend and I, we see each other two or three times a week and when I do go to his house I'm anticipating sex. I have a very healthy sex drive.

1:13:49 Drew This is the opposite of the other color.

1:13:51 Caller What?

1:13:52 Adam Yeah.

1:13:52 Drew Go ahead.

1:13:53 Caller And he doesn't really.

1:13:56 Caller He lasts between five to eight minutes.

1:13:59 Drew Five to eight minutes is not good for you?

1:14:01 Caller That's not a problem for me.

1:14:02 Caller The time frame is not because he can get me off in that time. But the fact that we don't have it as often.

1:14:11 Drew Which is how often do you want it?

1:14:12 Caller I would like it every day.

1:14:14 Drew Is he on medication?

1:14:16 Adam Well, every day, but every time you see him, right? I mean, three times a week, right?

1:14:22 Drew Every day or three times a week?

1:14:24 Caller Three times a week.

1:14:25 Drew And what does he want?

1:14:26 Caller Sometimes it's three times. Other times it's two and sometimes it's one.

1:14:28 Drew And what's he interested in? What does he want to do?

1:14:32 Adam Okay, hold on.

1:14:33 Drew Am I missing this?

1:14:35 Adam Rebecca is one of these people where the conversation is trying to like play a handball off the drapes. It's always a little difficult to communicate with her. But Rebecca, here's what I'm saying, baby. If you guys see each other three days a week and you're getting it three days a week, then that's sort of 100% of the time that you see him.

1:14:56 Drew That's right.

1:14:56 Adam Now do you want to move in with him or see him five, six days a week?

1:15:01 Caller I would like to see him more.

1:15:02 Drew And why is he resisting that?

1:15:04 Caller He just, he says, he actually told me that I'm too much of a woman for him. And her just kind of doesn't do it.

1:15:42 Adam Maybe Rebecca is creeping him out a little bit.

1:15:44 Drew Yeah, yeah. Are you sexual compulsive?

1:15:48 Caller No, well, probably.

1:15:51 Drew Yeah, did something happen to you growing up?

1:15:53 Caller What do you mean?

1:15:54 Drew Is some sort of arousal, some sort of, were you exposed to some sexual material when you were a child?

1:16:00 Caller When I was young.

1:16:01 Drew What happened?

1:16:02 Caller I was molested.

1:16:03 Drew Okay, well so that's where sexual compulsion comes from.

1:16:06 Adam Here's what's going on, Rebecca. You need the sex from him in a way that's a little unnatural. It was created in your past.

1:16:17 Drew You understand, it's insatiable because of that sexual abuse.

1:16:20 Adam He feels that and I think you freak him out a little bit. Now, he may not be conscious of it, but he definitely gets that vibe. He should because this was born in a bad environment. This comes from a bad place.

1:16:36 Drew We knew that because you said you couldn't spend any time with him without sexualizing it. That's a wiring issue. That's a wiring in your brain that causes it. Absolutely. That needs to be treated, frankly, Rebecca. If your relationship has been okay otherwise, they've been chaotic.

1:16:52 Caller Yeah, we're like best friends.

1:16:54 Drew No, not just this one. Not this one, not this one. In the past, they were okay.

1:16:58 Adam You can't go out to dinner with your best friend. You got to bang the bejesus out of them.

1:17:02 Caller Well, we can go to dinner, but afterwards, I...

1:17:05 Drew That's the point. You can't without. So have your relationships in the past been kind of chaotic?

1:17:11 Caller I haven't really had a relationship more than about a month and a half.

1:17:14 Adam Okay.

1:17:15 Drew Because they're chaotic.

1:17:16 Adam I'll just say they're chaotic, Rebecca, so we can move on. Thank you. Okay, so you got to get some therapy, because somebody molested you, right? Who did that?

1:17:26 Caller It was some guy my dad knew.

1:17:29 Adam Nice. And how long did that go on?

1:17:32 Caller Um, a couple months.

1:17:33 Adam Okay. And you were how old?

1:17:35 Caller I was about seven.

1:17:36 Adam So have you ever got any treatment for that?

1:17:38 Caller No.

1:17:39 Adam So that's what you have to do.

1:17:40 Drew You got to do that, Rebecca. This relationship could work just fine, but you've got some mechanisms in your head that's causing him to retreat a little bit, and that's your responsibility to take care of that right now.

1:17:50 Caller Okay.

1:17:51 Adam All right. So don't just focus on the sex.

1:17:53 Drew Sounds like you guys are doing fine otherwise. I'm three times a week every time I see him. Good.

1:17:57 Adam And listen, everybody. People react to people that are screwed up. They just smell it on them. This guy gets a little creeped out. He probably doesn't know about this. She probably doesn't know it's attached to this. All he knows is he's feeling some energy come at him, some unnatural s from the past, and he needs to retreat a few days a week. Because he gets the feeling that if these two moved in together, they spent six days, seven days a week together, it would open up the floodgates. He'd probably be overwhelmed with her insanity. Dustin?

1:18:32 Caller Yeah.

1:18:32 Adam You're 20?

1:18:33 Caller Yes.

1:18:34 Adam What's up?

1:18:36 Caller Just recently, about a week ago, I noticed some discoloration in my semen.

1:18:43 Adam Hold on. I just thought of something. I want to alert our phone screeners to this. Here's my new plan. Phone screeners? Yes? Damien? Over here? Yes. Start using the letter O in place of the numeral zero. I will outsmart these idiots who decided it was a good idea to put the dot in the middle of the O, so we would not be confused for, in the middle of a zero, so we wouldn't be confused for an O, except for it looks like a goddamn 8. Drives me insane. What do you think you're going to say? Yeah, 2 O? Jesus Christ. I know no one knows what I'm talking about, but I'm looking at this screen right now, and I sit about six feet from it, and I try to fall asleep during the show, and it's hard for me to pay attention, and the O's, I'm sorry, the zeros look like eights because they put a dot in the middle of it. So do you hear that now? Yes. As a matter of fact, can you change Dustin? Can you do that? This is going to look great, Drew. And this is what you call a breakthrough, my friend. This is going to be one of my proudest moments. Yes, and Frank on line four, who has a three with an O and a dot in the middle of it, so it looks exactly like an eight from where I sit, will now be replaced.

1:20:04 Drew Oh, there it is.

1:20:05 Adam Oh, sweet.

1:20:07 Drew Oh, no.

1:20:08 Adam What happened?

1:20:08 Drew It's got a big O.

1:20:09 Adam What happened? Yes. Oh, boy, that's confusing. Well, what could that be? This is wonderful. Oh, this is the biggest. Drew, biggest breakthrough in the last year for me on this show. Dustin?

1:20:24 Drew Yeah.

1:20:25 Adam I'm a new man. Go ahead.

1:20:27 Caller All right. Should I repeat it?

1:20:28 Drew Yeah.

1:20:29 Caller Okay. Just maybe about a week ago, after masturbating, I noticed that the semen was an odd color.

1:20:39 Drew All right. Well, brown, you mentioned, is usually blood. So it's worth getting that looked into. As we talked earlier, it's usually just a broken blood vessel. It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything seriously wrong, but it's always a good reason to get things checked out.

1:20:51 Adam Were you going at it too hard?

1:20:53 Drew No. It doesn't have to happen that way.

1:20:57 Adam So we just got to go to urologist?

1:20:59 Drew Urologist, general doctor even. Okay?

1:21:02 Adam Yeah.

1:21:02 Drew All right. Take care.

1:21:03 Adam All right, buddy. You know what my next move is? Now that I've conquered this zero controversy with a goddamn dot in the middle of it, so it looks exactly like an eight. This is something that's really been running through my mind for years now. As you know, one of my other big problems is the manhole covers that have this road stripe on them.

1:21:22 Drew Now, by the way, that drives me insane.

1:21:24 Adam Facing the wrong direction or skew, you could put the line there. Jesus, all you lazy federal employees, you have, or city employees, you got a line right there. You know what I mean? That line goes right over that, goes right over the top of that manhole cover. When you put it back, line the line back up. Jesus Christ, it's just common decencies, all this. But I'll tell you, here's my next quest, and I mean it. If the president, if anyone running for office would say, I'm gonna look into this, he would get my vote immediately. That horrible, horrible tone that comes before the wrong number.

1:22:01 Drew Oh.

1:22:03 Adam Yes. How necessary? Somebody who's listening to this show explain to me why we need that gut-wrenching tone before the recording of the guy saying you have reached a wrong number. What would be the danger in just having the guy's recording?

1:22:22 Drew Yeah.

1:22:22 Adam Do you know what I mean?

1:22:23 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:22:24 Adam Now, are we being punished? Is this like a Pavlovian thing where they're trying to train us? You won't be, you'll be more careful next time you dial or you will get my wrath?

1:22:35 Drew My audible wrath? All right.

1:22:38 Adam Somebody call the show and tell us what that sound is about. I got energy built up, Drew, just out of town last week.

1:22:44 Drew Take a break.

1:22:44 Adam All right. When we come back, we're going to speak to Daniel. He's 17. Let's see what age your penis stops growing. His is four inches. We'll get to him after this.

1:22:55 You know what I'm saying, I'm dead.

1:23:28 Adam Yes, indeed, indeed, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Well, let's forget about that phone number. Get back to the phones. But please, if somebody can answer the question why they have that horrible, horrible tone before the, you've dialed the wrong number recording, I would love, I would love an explanation on that. It has become my life's work. Daniel?

1:23:50 Caller Yeah?

1:23:51 Adam Daniel?

1:23:52 Caller Yeah, I'm right here.

1:23:52 Drew You awake?

1:23:53 Caller Yeah. You all right? Yeah, I'm kind of nervous.

1:23:56 Adam Okay.

1:23:57 Caller Well, my question is, at what age does your penis start growing?

1:24:03 Drew Start growing or stop growing?

1:24:05 Caller Both, start and stop.

1:24:07 Drew Starting can be anytime from around 10 on.

1:24:11 Adam Mine started about 10 and about 10 and a half, I think it was done.

1:24:15 Drew Ten, excuse me, finish is 21 generally. And what's up with you?

1:24:21 Caller Well, I'm 17 and I'm not sure if my, if the size of my penis is normal.

1:24:26 Drew What size is it now?

1:24:29 Caller Because when it's red, it's actually like 4 inches.

1:24:34 Drew How's your, how's your, your normal height?

1:24:37 Caller I'm 5'11.

1:24:39 Drew And you have normal body development, noble hair distribution, that kind of thing?

1:24:43 Caller I do have hairs and all that.

1:24:45 Drew Okay, well you got about four more years of growth to go here, so relax.

1:24:49 Adam Yeah, you'll be all right. I mean listen, you're never gonna have a huge dong. You'll probably make average. Average isn't six, you know, it's like 5.2 or 5.3 or something like that.

1:25:00 Drew And then realize that guys spend a lot of time obsessing about their penis as a symbol of their own worth. You know what I'm saying? Guys that are secure in their sense of self, don't worry about their penis size.

1:25:09 Adam No, no, it's your car.

1:25:11 Drew Yeah.

1:25:12 Adam That's what you should focus on, right Drew?

1:25:14 Drew Yeah. You've got to compensate for your penis with your eyes.

1:25:16 Adam Absolutely. Prioritize. Car and wallet.

1:25:18 Drew That's a nice compensation.

1:25:21 Adam Liam? Hey. Hey, you're 16. What's up?

1:25:25 Caller I'm Colin from Zekman. I'm saying I know what the three tones before the wrong number thing is.

1:25:30 Drew Oh my God.

1:25:31 Adam No. I don't anticipate any satisfactory answer, but go ahead.

1:25:35 Caller No, there is none. By the way, Adam Corolla, you're God.

1:25:38 Adam Thank you. Now, what is that tone?

1:25:43 Caller It's for when your modem or your fax machine calls the wrong number.

1:25:46 Caller It knows to hang up and they've got like a different one for every different error message.

1:25:52 Adam So you're saying it doesn't make sense even. No, I don't think it does.

1:25:56 Drew The fax machine won't connect. It doesn't connect. If it hangs up, it doesn't connect. If it doesn't get a handshake, it hangs up.

1:26:02 Caller Well, because if it doesn't have that error message, it just like leaves your line open.

1:26:07 Drew No way.

1:26:09 Adam I think that tone has been around way before fax machines, long before the fax and the modem.

1:26:14 Drew When I was using a rotary dial phone, that thing was still there.

1:26:18 Caller That's how it knows to disconnect.

1:26:21 Drew Liam, that tone was long before the fax machine was invented.

1:26:26 Adam Well, maybe they anticipated it.

1:26:27 Drew What?

1:26:28 Caller This is just what I've been told.

1:26:29 Drew Okay. Well, no way because I can remember that back with the rotary phone in the 60s. There was no fax, no computer, no nothing. It was a phone. That was it.

1:26:40 Adam Young Liam does make some sense.

1:26:42 Drew Yeah. But why would that have been there?

1:26:44 Adam I have no idea.

1:26:45 Drew But it may have been some disconnect for something though.

1:26:47 Adam Okay.

1:26:47 Caller Keep the matter there, just trying to piss you off, Adam.

1:26:51 Adam It is right up there and I got a screwed up phone line at my house, and if you call in the middle of the day sometimes, you'll get the fax tone. I am going to go insane. I understand you need a tone for the fax. Couldn't we work something out that's a little less abrasive?

1:27:12 Drew You would think.

1:27:14 Adam Yeah. And that tone, and is it the same one nationally? Is it that way throughout the country?

1:27:22 Drew I'm sure.

1:27:23 Adam Heather?

1:27:24 Caller Yeah.

1:27:25 Adam You're 13?

1:27:26 Caller Yeah.

1:27:26 Adam What is that?

1:27:28 Caller Well, I went out with this guy in the summer time and my best friend liked him and then I went out with another guy during the year and…

1:27:43 Adam Hey Heather, turn your radio down please.

1:27:45 Caller Okay.

1:27:47 Adam Thank you.

1:27:47 Caller And then she liked the same guy and I went out with him and then we broke up and she went out with him.

1:27:56 Adam Yeah.

1:27:57 Caller And then, so now they're broken up and I kind of like, we've been flirting a lot lately and I don't know, there's kind of been something going on.

1:28:06 Adam What's going on?

1:28:07 Caller I don't know, it just seems like there's like sparks flying kind of thing.

1:28:12 Adam I see, like he's waving at you and stuff?

1:28:15 Drew Smiling, smiling when she waves.

1:28:16 Caller And then there's another guy that I'm kind of like interested in.

1:28:20 Drew Heather, what's the question?

1:28:21 Adam What does it say? Like turned into Tiger Beat hotline or something?

1:28:25 Caller Well, I just don't really know what to do. I don't know, because I don't know how to tell my friend that I like this guy and I don't know if I definitely do.

1:28:33 Drew Why do you have to tell your friends?

1:28:34 Caller What?

1:28:34 Drew Why do you need to tell your friends?

1:28:37 Caller Because they just broke up a little while ago and I don't really know if she'd care or not. I don't know if she still does.

1:28:42 Drew How long ago did they break up?

1:28:45 Caller It was probably a couple weeks ago.

1:28:46 Adam Well, that's a lifetime in a teenager's life.

1:28:49 Drew Yeah, but it's still a code.

1:28:51 Adam You had him first, right?

1:28:53 Caller Yeah.

1:28:53 Adam Okay. Why did you break up with him in the first place?

1:28:57 Caller Because I cheated on him, but it was the dumbest mistake I've ever...

1:29:01 Adam Were you having sex with him?

1:29:03 Drew No.

1:29:04 Adam When you cheated, what were we doing, making out with another guy?

1:29:07 Caller No. Well, he went down on me.

1:29:13 Adam Oh, 13, man. How old was he?

1:29:17 Caller The same age.

1:29:18 Drew 13?

1:29:18 Caller No, he was 14.

1:29:20 Adam He got his retainer caught in you? Jesus Christ.

1:29:23 Caller Well, he's kind of like a bad kid, but he's...

1:29:25 Drew Yeah, he's trouble.

1:29:26 Adam That's why you like him.

1:29:28 Caller No, I... he just...

1:29:30 Adam Okay. No more of that.

1:29:32 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:29:32 Drew All right. I was sort of giving a quasi-blessing to the new old guy. Yeah.

1:29:38 Adam All right. Oh, here we go. We got an answer. Maybe.

1:29:41 Drew Aaron?

1:29:42 Caller Yes, sir.

1:29:42 Drew Okay, here we go.

1:29:43 Adam 28?

1:29:45 Drew Aaron?

1:29:46 Caller Yes, sir.

1:29:47 Drew We want to hear. We want to know.

1:29:48 Adam You work for the phone company.

1:29:49 Caller Okay, I can tell you exactly what that is. A long time ago before, obviously, there was digital, what's called digital signaling and digital call transmission. The only way that equipment would know in the switching centers at AT&T, the old bell system, would know what was going on on the other end was by a series of three tones. And your last caller was right who said there are different tones for different reasons. Well, what it is is that the one, if their tones are about 70, 60 to 70 hertz apart, different sounds, they're one second long each, followed by a quarter second pause, and generally the equipment at the other end would be able to tell if it was a disconnected number, or if the trunk, all the circuits were busy, or something else.

1:30:38 Adam I got a great plan. How about we put the god damn tone after the guy telling us, we got the wrong number, and then that way...

1:30:50 Drew We don't have our ears blown out.

1:30:51 Adam I'll hang up immediately as soon as I hear the guy saying he's got the wrong number. Can we do it that way?

1:30:56 Caller Well, it makes sense, yeah, in theory, but...

1:31:00 Drew Given that that was all invented for the 1930s, why don't we eliminate that altogether?

1:31:05 Caller Because a lot of payphones and other equipment still relies upon that. I mean, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, it doesn't make sense a lot of the things that happen technologically anymore, but, I mean, there's so much equipment out there, you'd be amazed how much...

1:31:20 Adam But what would be the harm in putting it after the guy tells you you got the wrong number?

1:31:24 Caller Well, I'll tell you what it is exactly. You remember, there's a whole thing about people being able to make free phone calls with black and blue boxes and all these tones a long time ago. And the reason is, before your call actually goes through, before you actually get a connection from point to point in the old analog system, in some foreign exchanges, in some foreign countries, you could actually use those tones, but different series of tones, to actually re-originate that call and send that call somewhere else. So you wouldn't want to actually keep the circuit open while this was actually taking place.

1:31:59 Drew Ah, you want those tones to re-originate in a better way.

1:32:01 Adam All right, but here's what I need. I need a mild warning tone.

1:32:07 Caller Oh, before your ear gets dry.

1:32:09 Drew Yeah, right.

1:32:09 Adam I need like a whoo-hoo. I need something that I can slam the phone down immediately.

1:32:15 Caller You gotta have your own voice on there as a warning tone. Oh, where?

1:32:19 Drew Adam's tones.

1:32:20 Caller The worst. The show and the caliber of answers that you give most people.

1:32:25 Adam Aaron, please, thank you for calling, by the way, and please make it your life's work to get rid of that tone. Please. Or some sort of preliminary soft warning tone that says that one's coming. The worst is when you call the same number twice and get it two times in a row because you're not sure if you mis-dialed or the phone was ringing. I'm talking about a class action lawsuit here, Drew. Anyone who's interested in getting on.

1:32:47 Drew Mental distress. I'm in.

1:32:48 Adam Thank you. We'll be back. Yeah.

1:33:30 Caller Look at that.

1:33:31 Adam That looks good. That is so good. What a breakthrough. Really, this is the best show we've ever done. Just because I started replacing the zeros with O's.

1:33:42 Drew The empty set, yeah, with O's.

1:33:44 Adam Yeah. Big difference. Big difference. Okay. We're scoring. Now, later this week, Danny Ash, the Internet porn star, will be in here with the huge jugs who I worship and Blink 182. Fabulous. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:34:04 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, May 20, 2001