Episode 1000754887080

0:52 Voiceover Loveline, coast to coast.

0:55 Voiceover Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician.

1:05 Adam Hey, hey, hey, get it together. We're just getting started here.

1:08 Come on, here we go, here we go.

1:11 Drew Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist.

1:17 All right, there, Drew.

1:18 Adam Like a real robot. Yeah, yeah.

1:21 Drew Well, that's the whole, let me explain life to everybody. It's important to go on autopilot.

1:26 All right.

1:27 Drew That's, you know, when you get behind the wheel of a rental car?

1:30 Adam Yeah.

1:30 Drew What a pain in the ass it is. You think you're turning the lights on, you turn the wipers on. You don't know how to adjust the rear view.

1:38 Adam Yeah.

1:38 Drew But you get in your car, you could drive with a 12 pack of Schlitz tall boys in you, doing 80 all the way from the airport, not remember it when you get home.

1:47 Adam Well, that's the problem. You're doing autopilot well.

1:50 Right. Right.

1:51 Adam OK.

1:52 Drew That's what you try to do in radio. Yeah.

1:54 Well. Right.

1:55 Drew You try to get all that that stuff down where you don't have to think.

2:00 Dr. Drew's a more solid foundation.

2:03 Adam That's right.

2:03 Drew That's right.

2:04 Adam That's right.

2:05 Drew Don't have to focus. Watch this. I won't even think on this next call. Megan, you're 18. Thanks for calling Loveline. What's your problem?

2:11 Caller Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

2:12 Caller I don't really have a problem, but first I have to say, Adam, you have to call me baby.

2:17 Drew Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, right?

2:18 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

2:20 Caller Okay. Actually, I was just wondering, I was listening to the radio out here a couple of nights ago, and I was wondering, is there an ointment that makes your orgasms better?

2:33 No.

2:35 Adam No way. No way.

2:37 Caller No, because it's said it...

2:41 Adam There's a whole industry now directed at women to try to get them to believe that they can have better orgasms. It's equivalent to the male penis enlargement industry.

2:48 Drew Sorry, baby.

2:50 Caller Thank you.

2:51 Drew Sorry, baby. Thanks. Anderson, get ready with those drops tonight. I might be able to cruise through this whole show without muttering a syllable. You're supposed to rub this on your clitoris?

3:02 Caller Yes.

3:04 Drew And it's supposed to...

3:05 Caller Make it more sensitive.

3:07 Adam Do you have orgasms?

3:08 Caller I have trouble.

3:11 Adam Yeah.

3:11 Caller A lot of trouble.

3:12 Adam But you're able to have one? Yes. And what is the trouble?

3:16 Caller It just...

3:18 Caller sometimes it's too...

3:21 Caller It's not too short. It's just... My boyfriend just has one before I do.

3:26 Adam Well, how about by yourself?

3:28 Caller No. I can never have one by myself.

3:30 Adam How come?

3:31 Drew Not an appointment.

3:33 Adam Yeah. Again, this is the fact of being able to be emotionally intimate, being able to communicate to your partner what you need and him sort of understanding how he works.

3:41 Caller Oh, we have no problem doing that.

3:43 Adam Yes, you do.

3:44 Caller Oh.

3:45 Adam You do have a problem because it's ending too quickly for you. And you need to be able to go back to him and say, hey, we got to figure something out here and make this work for me.

3:53 Drew How does he give you the orgasm when he does?

3:56 Caller Um, intercourse.

3:58 Adam When he's able to go along.

3:59 Drew Yeah?

4:00 Caller Yeah.

4:00 Drew Good times. Does he go down on you?

4:01 Adam At 18, you know, that's pretty good.

4:02 Drew Oh, way ahead of the game. Does he go down on you?

4:05 Caller Yes, he does.

4:06 Drew Nice.

4:07 Caller Nice. Oh, this is another question.

4:09 Adam What's a trivectum?

4:10 Caller Usually when he goes down on me, it feels so good, I almost want to pee.

4:14 Adam Well, some women actually do pee.

4:15 Caller Yeah. Well, I stopped him before I did once. And I really, I mean, I don't know if I'm stopping myself from having one or...

4:23 Adam You probably are, it sounds like.

4:24 Caller Yeah, because I just, I can't, I don't know if I can just...

4:28 Adam Let it loose, huh?

4:29 Drew Yeah, he goes down on you and it feels so good, you're going to pee. Do you really need the clit juice?

4:36 Adam Yeah, how much better is the ointment going to make it?

4:39 Caller Try that.

4:40 Adam All right. You're doing fine. Just figure it out with your boyfriend. Be a little more open and communicative about what it is you need.

4:44 Drew She is way ahead of the curve at age 18.

4:46 Adam Way ahead.

4:48 Drew Yeah. These kids these days, they want it all, Drew. I'll tell you that.

4:52 Adam This is the new version of the guy calling up going, what's the average size of a penis? I have a penis pump. I have this, I have that. They would tell me average size is 5.4. You guys are ecstatic.

5:02 Drew I haven't heard about this ointment that girls rub on them. Have you been hearing about this?

5:07 Adam No, but I've been hearing about this growing industry directed at women.

5:11 Drew Amy?

5:12 Caller Hi.

5:13 Drew You're 17.

5:14 Caller Yeah. My question was for Dr. Drew. I've been diagnosed with bacterial vaginitis three times in like the past five months. And I was just wondering why it keeps coming back because I've been prescribed medicine and I've taken it before.

5:30 Adam What's the medicine? Cream, right?

5:33 Caller Yeah. Well, yeah.

5:36 Adam And are you seeing a gynecologist about this? Yeah.

5:39 Caller I've seen one three times.

5:40 Drew Drew, what's the difference between a cream and a gel? Gel is translucent.

5:45 Adam Gel, it's a different suspension medium. I don't know.

5:49 Drew Gel seems to be, light seems to pass through gels.

5:51 Adam Yeah.

5:52 Drew Yeah.

5:52 Adam Generally.

5:53 Drew You know, they call those things, they put over the lights in movies. Gels. Gels. Interesting. All right, Amy. Yeah, play, baby.

6:02 Adam Be that as it may, listen, one of the things, did your doctor talk to you about what the possibilities are?

6:07 Caller No.

6:08 Adam One of the things sometimes happens is it gets around from the other side, if you get my drift.

6:13 Caller Oh, yeah. I've read about that and hygiene things.

6:16 Adam And it doesn't have to be hygiene sometimes. Sometimes it's just your own sort of microflora.

6:21 Caller Yeah.

6:22 Adam The wrong stuff's getting around there.

6:23 Drew And you got to wipe away.

6:25 Adam You got to wipe away.

6:26 You got to wipe.

6:27 Caller I do that.

6:27 Drew Wipe toward Mecca.

6:31 All right.

6:31 Caller Well, I don't know, because I've taken the Metro gel and then I went to see another doctor to get another opinion when I came back the third time. And he said the problem was that I didn't get a medicine for a yeast infection to take after the Metro gel.

6:46 Drew Are you having...

6:47 Yeah.

6:48 Caller He gave me a dye flu can to take after the Metro gel.

6:51 Drew Are you having sex?

6:53 No.

6:54 Adam Well, not. Not now. Nothing's getting... Your vagina's not getting exposed to anything?

6:59 Caller No.

7:00 Adam All right. It's not an uncommon thing, Amy. It isn't.

7:03 Caller I've read that... Could it be because of eating too much sugar?

7:06 Adam No. People theorize about that, but that really doesn't have much to do with it. And that, by the way, is more about the, thought to be more about the yeast, but even that doesn't make much difference.

7:14 Drew Let me tell everyone about sugar. Apparently, not the deal that people like to make it out to be.

7:18 Adam Well, these, Amy's, what, 17, she didn't live through what we lived through with sugar.

7:23 Drew Yeah.

7:23 Adam Why don't you enlighten the youngins?

7:25 Drew Oh, my goofball mom was telling me how white sugar would basically kill you. I mean...

7:31 Adam In the 70s, sugar, white sugar especially.

7:33 Drew Anything white, white bread, white flour, white rice, white sugar.

7:37 Adam You're going to die. You wouldn't make it to adulthood.

7:40 Drew It wasn't good being white in the 70s.

7:41 Adam No? Bad times.

7:42 Drew Yeah. I blame it partially on that goddamn root special. Turned everyone against whitey. But it wasn't... You ate sugar and you'd be hyperkinetic. And people would be walking around like, oh, look at him. What happened? Oh, he ate a peanut butter cookie and he's flying, man. I mean, he's out of control.

8:03 Adam Meantime, he's got 14 tabs of LSD in reality. But that's cool, man. That makes him feel better. That sugar will get him.

8:12 Drew Listen, if you can eat an Oreo and start spinning out, that is the definition of lightweight. I don't believe people would even know it if you didn't tell them. I think it's all psychological.

8:23 Adam Oh, that's been tested very clearly.

8:25 Drew Yeah. Sugar doesn't do anything to me. Jessica, I wish it did. Jessica, you're 21.

8:30 Caller Hello, I'm here.

8:32 Drew What's up?

8:32 Caller All right, first, let me just say, don't make fun of me, but I'm here. I do a caller right now. I have every problem in the world. Okay, I've been with my boyfriend like two and a half years now, and we had a problem with him, me not being able to trust him a couple of like last year, maybe, and we're having these problems again, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

8:54 Adam Well, it's always this is kind of a difficult one for us to assess. Didn't you say you've had all the problems that we talk about?

8:59 Caller Oh, all the time.

9:00 Adam Okay, so you've had all these problems. So A, that certainly could make you have difficulty trusting people and could make you very suspicious even though nothing is going on. On the other hand, if you've had all those experiences that we're used to talking about here, we know that you'll choose a partner who's likely to perpetrate them again.

9:17 Caller Exactly. So how do I know if it's me that's just being paranoid and worrying about all the things that have already happened?

9:23 Adam One of the things...

9:24 Drew Wait a minute. Have you caught your boyfriend doing anything?

9:29 Caller Not right in front of me. I have a pretty good idea that he did.

9:32 Caller What?

9:34 Caller He was working at a place about a year ago, and he met a girl there, lied about me in front of my face, said, oh, that's a girl. She's not my girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. Talking to the girl every night, taking her home every night, lying about everything that you could ever imagine. So I kind of came to my own assumptions.

9:52 Adam What do you mean, lying about everything?

9:53 Drew Right in front of you, saying this isn't my girlfriend?

9:57 Caller Pretty much.

9:58 Adam No, no, wait, no, no.

9:59 Drew Pretty much?

9:59 Adam We're not looking for pretty much here. Exactly what did he say in front of you? What were the words you heard?

10:04 Caller In front of me, yeah, I lied about you being my girlfriend because I don't want to be with you, and I don't want this right now.

10:10 Adam All right, so that was a year ago. So he wanted to break up a year ago. Does he want to break up now?

10:15 Caller I don't really know. I talked about it to him. I said, if you don't want a relationship right now, if you're not ready for it, then at least just tell me so that I'm not kind of hanging around here.

10:23 Drew So I can kill myself.

10:24 Caller Oh no, I want to be with you. But then he messes around. Like tonight I was supposed to meet him and he didn't come home for two hours. So I'm like, what's going on here? And a few weeks ago.

10:34 Adam This is less about cheating and more about just disrespect.

10:38 Caller Yeah, a couple of weeks ago, we were out in the city and some girl called, Oh, where are you? You're supposed to be at the bar with us tonight. What's going on? Where are you? He was quick to hang up the phone then.

10:48 Drew How do you know what she was saying?

10:50 Caller Oh, she was screaming. I could hear it. I was right next to him.

10:53 Adam Look over the music.

10:55 Drew Holy Christ. Why don't you break up with him?

10:58 Adam He's a dick.

10:58 Drew He doesn't sound like he's too into this relationship.

11:01 Caller But am I supposed to think that maybe I'm just a little bit of a paranoid person because of something that's happened?

11:07 Caller No.

11:07 Drew There's no doubt you're a mess, but this guy's an idiot and you have our permission to break up.

11:11 Adam He's just mistreating you. I don't care what surrounds its mistreatment.

11:16 Drew Take a little time for yourself.

11:17 Adam Chill pill.

11:20 Drew Take that chill pill Dr. Drew has prescribed. Steven?

11:23 Hi.

11:24 Drew You're 17?

11:25 Caller Yeah.

11:25 Drew What's up?

11:26 Caller Hi. About four years ago today, I was assaulted by my stepbrother.

11:32 Adam You're 13.

11:33 Caller Yeah.

11:34 Drew Today? You know the date.

11:36 Caller Yeah. It's pretty bad that way.

11:38 Drew Yeah.

11:39 Caller And my question is, is I'm wondering how strong is the probability that that experience can lead to like bisexuality?

11:47 Adam You were raped?

11:48 Drew Yeah. How old was your stepbrother when he did this?

11:53 Caller He's about a year older than I am.

11:55 Adam He was 14?

11:56 Caller Yeah.

11:56 Drew How did he rape you?

12:00 Caller It's a long story. It happened right under my dad's nose. It happened in the shower.

12:07 Drew Where was your dad?

12:08 Caller He was in the living room.

12:09 Adam What were you doing taking a shower with a 14-year-old when you're 13?

12:12 Drew That guy walked in.

12:13 Caller Yeah, basically.

12:14 Adam You weren't taking a shower with him?

12:16 Caller No.

12:16 Drew And he walked in. You were in the shower.

12:18 Caller Yeah.

12:19 Drew And what did he do?

12:20 Caller He basically.

12:23 Adam We want to know specifically. Did he hold you down? Did he make it so you couldn't yell for help?

12:29 Caller Yeah, he held me down with his body weight and everything, and he told me not to say a word.

12:34 Adam Or what?

12:36 Caller Or he would like kick my butt or something.

12:39 Adam Yeah, so that's when you start screaming louder.

12:42 Drew Better to have your butt kicked than your butt pricked.

12:45 Caller Well, I did.

12:46 Drew My grandfather used to say.

12:47 Caller Well, I did actually scream, and my stepmother knocked on the door and said, what the hell is going on? That sort of thing.

12:53 Adam And then why didn't you say, help me, help me, help me?

12:57 Caller Because...

12:59 Adam Well, the one I'm getting at is you must have been physically or sexually abused before this.

13:04 Caller Yeah, he occasionally molested me between the ages of 9 to 13 at that time.

13:11 Adam Well, that's much more important.

13:13 Drew Yeah, this wasn't the important incident.

13:15 Adam Yeah.

13:15 Drew This is just one of many.

13:17 Adam This is just one you've chosen to focus on.

13:19 Drew Well, the anniversary is coming up.

13:21 Adam Now, you were being abused for four years before this.

13:24 Caller Yeah.

13:24 Drew And that's why you were unable to assert yourself.

13:27 Adam And I suspect, I would even bet further, that somebody sort of manhandled you even before that.

13:31 Caller Yeah, my dad.

13:33 Drew Well, there you go.

13:33 Adam There you go. So now you've filled out the sort of profile.

13:37 Drew So now, do you think you're bi or gay or...?

13:41 Caller I'm more leaning towards bi.

13:43 Adam Well, bi-bi. But be that as it may, it's not about the rape, it's about the long history of sexual abuse that was going on for years.

13:54 Drew And whatever you feel is whatever you feel.

13:57 Caller Right.

13:58 Drew Thank you. Thank you very much. I mean, what I mean is, we were just talking about this last night.

14:03 Adam Put that on the cart next to the world as your oyster.

14:05 Drew Yeah. Some gays were born gay and some were created in the lab.

14:11 Adam But doesn't matter.

14:12 Drew Doesn't matter. Gay is as gay does. Life is like a box of gays. So you are what you are and that may be your life. And the only way it's going to be a bad life is if you question it every day and fight against the direction your balls are going.

14:32 Caller Well, for a long time I was kind of in denial about it.

14:35 Adam Well, I think you may even still be in some degree of denial about it. But it's something you need to work on for a while. It's a tough thing to manage. What about also working on the childhood history of severe trauma? You have to work on that too.

14:47 Caller Okay.

14:48 Drew And how about a little therapy?

14:50 Caller I've been doing that but it's been kind of complicated. There's a conflict of interest with it.

14:57 Drew Whose interest?

15:01 Caller It's both hers and mine because I've known my therapist ever since I was four and she has a connection to my family and that's a conflict of interest.

15:10 Adam Well, why'd you say a new therapist then?

15:13 Caller Because right now I don't have insurance.

15:15 Drew Well, why don't you and your therapist get some couples counseling?

15:19 Caller Okay.

15:21 Drew Do they have that, Drew? Were you and your therapist going and trying to hash out your problems?

15:25 Adam Yeah, they call it the supervision.

15:27 Drew Yeah. Jeez, I feel in a way like they've been charging me too much. You never got into that? That would be interesting. Steven?

15:36 Caller Yeah?

15:36 Drew New therapist.

15:38 Caller Okay.

15:38 Drew You have to.

15:40 Caller All right.

15:41 Drew And relax, but this was major trauma in your life and you got to work on it. Where's your stepbrother now?

15:49 Caller Actually, I have no idea because I haven't talked to them, to that whole household since this happened.

15:55 Drew God knows what he's doing to whose ass.

15:58 Caller Yeah, exactly.

16:00 Drew All right, buddy.

16:00 Caller All right. Thanks.

16:01 Drew Take care of yourself.

16:02 Caller Okay.

16:02 Drew All right. Oh, for Christ's sake. What the hell kind of parenting is that? Weirdo stepbrother comes in.

16:10 Adam Well, dad was physically abusing him when he was a little kid.

16:13 Drew Yeah.

16:13 Adam So who is that guy?

16:15 Drew What a nightmare for you as a young child to have weirdo stepbrother move in and start raping you at age nine. And then you live. You're sitting across the guy eating breakfast every morning. You're living with the dude for years.

16:31 Adam It sounds like torture. Torture. Right?

16:33 Drew Hey, I'd rather be at the Hanoi Hilton.

16:36 Adam Yeah.

16:37 Drew Getting battery jumper cables put on my testicles every night. That's right. It'd be a better hand dealt to you. Francesca?

16:46 Caller Yeah.

16:47 Drew Is that your name?

16:48 Caller Yeah.

16:49 Drew Oh, okay. You're 20. What's up?

16:51 Caller I've been going out with my boyfriend for like a year and a half and he won't have sex with me.

16:57 Adam Have you asked why?

16:58 Caller Well, like, he keeps avoiding the subject.

17:01 Caller I just tell him, I'm like, well, you know, we get to the point and then it's like, he just won't go all the way.

17:07 Adam Why?

17:08 Caller I have no idea. I'm just like, I ask him and he's just like, I don't think I'm ready yet. And I'm like, I've been going out for like a year and a half and I'm like, you're not ready yet.

17:17 Adam Did you ask him when he would be ready?

17:19 Caller Like he's all, well, maybe like next week or something. And he keeps putting it on.

17:23 Drew How far have you gotten with him?

17:25 Caller Like, like, I give him oral sex.

17:31 Drew Francesca, by the way, says like more than shaggy from Scooby Doo.

17:36 Adam You know what you need to do is stop giving him oral sex.

17:39 Drew Yeah, yeah.

17:40 Adam And maybe he'll then take sex as the viable alternative.

17:43 He won't even go down on me.

17:45 Caller Yeah.

17:45 Drew And you just give him oral sex. And you finish him off. Yes?

17:51 Caller Yeah.

17:52 Drew And then he won't go down on you.

17:54 Adam This doesn't make you happy. Why are you in this relationship?

17:57 Caller I really like him, though.

17:58 Drew Sure. What's not to love?

18:00 Caller Like he's a great guy. It just pisses me off.

18:04 Adam Can you imagine, like, well, maybe.

18:05 Caller I'm so frustrated with it.

18:07 Adam I guess guys put up with stuff like that.

18:08 Drew What's this guy do? Does he smoke weed? Does he surf?

18:12 Caller He surfs.

18:12 Drew Mm-hmm.

18:13 Adam Does he smoke a lot of weed?

18:14 Caller Um, yeah.

18:16 Adam How old is he?

18:17 Caller He's 21.

18:18 Caller Oh, no way!

18:20 Adam Maybe he's had some... Well, we're only spectating. Who the hell knows what his deal is? We'd have to talk to him, but maybe he's had some erectile difficulties from the pod.

18:27 Drew Most surfers are in some sort of suspended, retarded animation.

18:31 Adam Yeah, yeah.

18:31 Drew They really are. They have no idea where they're... It's a combination of a sewage in the water, the sun, I think the salt, seagulls picking at their brain, cutting class every day and going surfing, smoking tons of weed. They're almost retarded surfers are.

18:50 Adam Yeah.

18:51 Drew Yet, they live a great life and get a ton of tail.

18:54 Caller Should I give him an ultimatum, like put out or...

18:57 Adam I'm not sure of the ultimatum, but you need to get some more honesty going here. If he gave you an explanation for why he's being the way he is and you understood, maybe even support it, but you're not taking no more avoidance.

19:08 Caller Well, it's not like religious or anything.

19:10 Adam Well, it's whatever, but there's a reason and you gotta find out what it is and if it's unacceptable and you still won't move on in the relationship in the direction you want it to go, then it is over.

19:17 Drew No BJs. Has this guy ever gone down on you?

19:20 Caller No. Oh.

19:22 Adam Meantime withhold.

19:23 Drew Year and a half? You've gone down on him hundreds of times?

19:27 Adam Yeah.

19:28 Drew He's never gone down on you?

19:29 Adam No. Bad, bad time.

19:31 Drew This guy's broken beyond repair.

19:33 Adam Maybe.

19:33 Drew He really is. Look, Drew, seriously, a guy who can't get it together in the beginning honeymoon phase of a relationship, a guy will not put out sexually, will not go down on the woman, who gets nothing but oral sex from her, and will never reciprocate. Think about the kind of guy this guy is.

19:53 Adam Yeah. I mean, he could be a really serious a-hole.

19:56 Drew He's, well, he's an a-hole and to change him around is a, that's a full-time job.

20:00 Adam Yeah.

20:02 Drew I think she should move on. Kip?

20:05 Caller Hello?

20:06 Drew You're 18?

20:07 Caller Yep.

20:07 Drew What's up?

20:08 Well, when I have sex with my girl, I can't keep my erection.

20:17 Adam Why am I troubled by this call?

20:18 Drew I don't know.

20:19 Adam Does it un-bug you too?

20:20 Drew Yeah, I didn't believe him.

20:21 Adam Yeah, I didn't either. Are you on medication?

20:24 Caller No.

20:26 Drew Does this happen with every girlfriend?

20:29 No, just it's happened like the last four months.

20:33 Adam With the same girl?

20:34 Drew How long you been with her?

20:35 Two years.

20:36 Drew And it was no problem the first year in eight months?

20:41 No.

20:41 Adam How old is she?

20:43 She's 19 now.

20:46 Drew Drew, what are you looking at me that way for? You don't believe him?

20:49 Adam I don't know. It's a weird vibe. Anyway.

20:51 Drew Yeah, this doesn't sound like much of a bogus call though.

20:53 Adam Yeah, it's true.

20:54 No, I'm dead serious.

20:56 Adam All right. No Medicaid. Are you anxious? Is something going on in the relationship?

20:59 No, everything is fine.

21:01 Adam Are you afraid that it's going to happen each time you have sex?

21:04 No.

21:04 Adam You're not worried about it when you get going?

21:06 No.

21:07 Adam How long into the intercourse does this occur?

21:10 Drew He says 10 minutes.

21:11 Adam I'm sorry.

21:11 Drew 10 minutes is a pretty long time for just sort of pounding away.

21:16 Adam How long does it take you to ejaculate usually?

21:22 Drew What do you do? Hang up?

21:23 Caller Hang up.

21:24 Drew Now he's back.

21:25 Adam Are you there?

21:26 Drew Yeah.

21:27 Adam How long did you say it was?

21:28 About 15 minutes.

21:31 Drew 15 is what it was or what it is now?

21:33 Adam What it takes him. But he doesn't get there.

21:34 Caller What it takes usually.

21:35 Adam Because he has 10 minutes he's gone.

21:37 Drew Yeah.

21:37 I can't. I never finish.

21:39 Adam Normally it takes him 15 minutes to finish. Now he's losing it at 10.

21:42 Drew I see. So he's just shaved 33% off. Well, that's just efficiency right there. Yeah.

21:47 Adam But he doesn't ejaculate.

21:49 Drew Oh, loses the erection, no ejaculation. Right. Uh-huh. Oh, that's bad times. Can she finish you off with a BJ?

21:57 No, I can't get it back up after that.

21:59 Caller I have to go to the bathroom.

22:00 Adam To do what?

22:02 Drew Urinate. Yeah.

22:04 Caller It's weird.

22:05 Adam Because it's irritated?

22:07 No, I don't know. Everything feels okay. It just goes down and then I have to go to the bathroom and if I wait a little while it comes back but then it goes away again.

22:19 Adam And no medication? Never been on medication?

22:21 No.

22:22 Adam And no medical problems?

22:23 No.

22:24 Adam And the relationship is okay?

22:25 Yeah.

22:26 Adam And is she okay? Does she have any problem with this?

22:28 Well, she just asks why all the time and I don't know why.

22:32 Drew Do you masturbate?

22:34 No, every once in a while.

22:36 Adam Yeah. No, yes.

22:38 Drew Well, how often?

22:40 Probably like three times a week maybe.

22:42 Adam Oh, why don't you lay off that for a while?

22:44 Drew Really?

22:44 Adam That's a lie. For a guy who's having an act of sex life?

22:49 Drew Oh.

22:49 Adam Yeah, it's a lie.

22:50 Drew Yeah, I was going to fire back, but I really have nothing to compare it to.

22:54 Adam Lay off that, see if maybe things aren't... There's some very significant vibe I was getting from him. I don't know what it was, but it was something we couldn't get at in a few minutes here.

23:05 Drew Well, there's something that 18-year-old teenage guys have, which is a sort of insincere vibe oftentimes. It's a kind of a...

23:16 Adam Flippancy?

23:18 Drew Yeah, it's elusive, flippant kind of, but with antisocial vibe.

23:22 Adam Right, when I get that, I assume any question I ask, the answer is going to be, no, not me.

23:25 Drew But half those guys have real questions.

23:28 Adam Yeah.

23:28 Drew They just can't really turn off their sort of flippant angle vibe.

23:31 Adam No, I understand, but I keep... Also, if I want to sort of dig for something, I ain't going nowhere.

23:35 Drew This is why, by the way, I couldn't be a school teacher because five minutes of that, I'd end up taking a swing at every third or fourth boy who was in my class. You know what I mean? When you're explaining to them about what you want them to do over the weekend or some homework assignment, they were just standing there.

23:52 Adam Smoshed working at you.

23:53 Yeah.

23:55 Drew I'd end up just giving one a karate chop. I'd snap into my patented praying mantis position and then just like the karate kid, one just, yeah, right in the place that would paralyze and make him drop to the ground. Yeah.

24:10 Adam Yeah.

24:10 Drew Yeah, that little karate chop. Right in the trapezoid area. Drops them. And they're usually passed out, well, for long enough for you to get away, whatever that is. All right. We will take a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Robert. He's 21. Last two girls he went down on had white sour-tasting substance down there.

24:32 Adam Nice.

24:33 Drew Yeah. Maybe, maybe he got drunk and went down on like a tostada.

24:38 Adam A baker.

24:39 Drew Hey, and who, by the way, Drew, I know you think we're going to commercial, but I don't know if this is a California thing or an LA thing, but who decided we needed a metric goddamn ton of sour cream on top of every Mexican dish?

24:55 Adam I know you don't like that. I like that.

24:57 Caller You do? Yeah.

24:58 Drew That is like white trash. I like them.

25:01 Caller I know.

25:04 Drew You order an enchilada, and they take this huge, wonderful huge...

25:08 Adam Sour cream and guacamole.

25:10 Drew Well, guacamole I'm fine with, but do they use sour cream in Mexico or is all cream sour in Mexico? Or how does it... Well, they don't use sour cream in Mexico.

25:19 Adam Probably not, yeah.

25:20 Drew This is just a bad LA thing. We got to get over this. It ruins it.

25:26 Caller All right.

25:26 Drew I'm glad you're on board with that. We'll be back.

25:36 Caller Hi, it's Mike Ness from Social Distortion, and you're enduring the Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

25:44 Adam Excuse me, I haven't heard from him in a long time.

25:46 Drew No, we have not. Phone number, 1-800-LLVE-191. You're enduring Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew on Loveline. Let's get back to the phones here, Drew. Let's see what we can learn. Robert?

26:01 Caller Yup.

26:01 Drew You're 21. That I am.

26:05 Adam Oh, boy.

26:06 Drew What's your problem?

26:09 Caller Problem is, the first one that I had the incident with was my ex-wife. I had asked her for years. We have three kids together.

26:17 Adam Three kids? Your ex-wife, you're 21.

26:20 Caller Yeah, I had my first kid when I was 14. I got married when I was 15.

26:23 Oh, my God.

26:24 Caller That's irrelevant, though. That's not the point that I'm trying to make, though. The point that I'm trying to make, though, that after that, I had a girlfriend after that who had the same problem where she had a bunch of white stuffings, mainly around the clitoris, mainly around the urethra. And I asked her to...

26:38 Adam Wait a minute. The urethra and the clitoris are not right next to each other.

26:43 Caller Yeah, close enough. About half an inch away from each other. I mean, it's...

26:46 Adam Yeah, but one's inside and one's outside.

26:49 Caller Right. By the way, there's enough of it to surround both the clitoris. You know, as you spread it and you pull it up and you want to get the clitoris in your mouth, it was around the same area.

26:58 Drew Wow, man.

26:59 I had asked...

27:00 Caller I had asked, you know, can you ask your doctor what this stuff is? Because I don't know how many times I can, you know, take a baby wipe to you and clean you off so that I can have what I want from you.

27:08 So...

27:10 Drew Hold on a second. Gotta take a breath here. Robert is Pops three times over.

27:16 Adam Yeah.

27:17 Drew This is Dad. This crazy baby wipe and crotch lick and goofball here has three god damn kids.

27:25 Adam Oldest kid is my children's age.

27:28 Drew You know my favorite part is... I'll get back, we'll hear about how great a dad he is.

27:33 Caller Yeah.

27:34 Drew Hold on a second.

27:37 Caller Robert?

27:38 Drew Uh-huh. Where are your kids?

27:41 Caller My kids are at home with their mother right now.

27:43 Drew And do you see them?

27:45 Caller I see them every morning, yes.

27:47 Drew Okay. I thought you were...

27:48 Caller Because I work two shifts. I work 16 hours a day.

27:50 Drew I thought you were divorced.

27:52 Caller I am divorced but I go very early in the morning over to see them every morning.

27:57 Drew And you're not high or drunk or anything?

28:01 Caller I'm an alcoholic, yeah, but it doesn't affect my work nor my relationship with my children.

28:05 Adam That's where the hemorrhage came in, right there.

28:08 Drew Well, when do you have time to get drunk if you're working all those shifts and visiting your kids?

28:11 Adam The bartender.

28:14 Caller No, not a bartender.

28:16 I know exactly how much I can drink when I want to.

28:19 Caller The weekends are the time that I devote entirely to my children. I give them bath, read them book. They go to bed by 9.30 at the latest. I have until about midnight to get drunk and go to bed. And they'll have to be up the next morning by 6 o'clock to be there to wake them up.

28:32 Adam What do you do for a living?

28:34 Caller I run a medical registry.

28:37 Adam What's that? A medical registry for what?

28:38 A registry.

28:39 Caller It's like a temp agency for hospitals. They provide nucleo medicine, ultrasound, all that.

28:45 Drew There you are. I buy it. It checks out.

28:47 Adam You're 16 hours a day doing that?

28:49 Caller Okay. But the question is, for Dr. Drew, what could that substance be? I mean, could it just be that after they urinate? Could it just be urine that kind of just sets in there?

28:57 Drew What is that white, creamy substance around a woman's private parts there?

29:01 Adam It's basically the same thing that guys get if they're not circumcised. It's just a brain.

29:07 Drew Smegma?

29:07 Adam Smegma, yeah.

29:09 Drew It's a little organic buildup?

29:11 Adam Yeah, exactly. It's just a brain.

29:16 Caller Okay. Did you guys already figure out what it is that happens when a woman squirts, when she creates, when an organism is so great that they actually create a puddle?

29:24 Adam Well, it's typically not that the orgasm is so great. We learned that by interviewing a lot of women who have this thing. And sometimes it's urine and sometimes it's just the fluid produced by the skin and parthalins glands.

29:36 Drew Yeah. So it's either gland or it's urine.

29:38 Adam Yeah.

29:40 Drew All right. Amanda?

29:42 Caller Yeah.

29:42 Drew You're 15?

29:43 Caller Yeah.

29:43 Drew What's up?

29:44 Caller I was wondering what ecstasy does to your brain.

29:48 Adam Well, what is it you understand it does?

29:50 Caller Depression.

29:51 Adam Yeah. That's what it can do.

29:53 Caller Is that it?

29:54 Adam Well, it can cause memory problems too, but the depression can be permanent. That's the problem.

29:59 Drew How much have you done?

30:00 Caller I've only taken it twice.

30:02 Adam Any problems with it?

30:04 Caller No.

30:05 Adam Well, once you lay off now, you're 15, your brain is still growing at your age, and they've, when people that study these things do find a lot more disruption of the brain growth and injury to the brain in people your age.

30:16 Drew Do you plan on using your brain?

30:18 Caller Yeah.

30:19 Drew What do you want to get into?

30:21 Caller I want to be a psychologist.

30:23 Adam Psychologist? And it's not, you're getting off course rapidly. Okay. So kind of get it together a little bit. If you can't, if you're using lots of drugs, if you're having trouble stopping, then think about a recovery program. Okay. All right? Okay.

30:39 Drew All right, baby. Good times, huh? You doing okay in school?

30:44 Caller Not really.

30:46 Adam That's also off course.

30:47 Drew How are you going to be a psychologist if you don't get good grades?

30:51 Caller I don't know.

30:52 Drew All right.

30:53 Adam Well, you got to start now because you're going to have to get into a good college, then a good graduate school, and then a good residency program or training program, clinical program.

30:59 Drew Can you get good grades if you never do get good grades? I don't know. I didn't know anyone who could.

31:04 Adam Some people turn around.

31:05 Drew No one I know.

31:06 Adam I've known them.

31:07 Drew No. Amanda?

31:09 Caller Yeah?

31:10 Drew Yeah. I don't want to find you in junior college five years from now.

31:14 Caller Okay.

31:14 Drew All right?

31:15 Caller Okay.

31:16 Drew All right. I know when she's in junior college. Drew, I never knew. You see, you went to school with people that had good grades, maybe let them slip for a while, and then maybe were able to bring their grades back up. But I went to school with guys who just did bad all the time, and there wasn't anything to really recover from. That was the norm.

31:35 Adam Because the really bad performers would have been kicked out longer.

31:39 Drew It's really funny though when you say, I don't say anything and I always go along with it. But when you go, are your grades slipping? I always, it doesn't mean anything to me. It doesn't mean, I never had a grade to slip.

31:52 Adam It was already in the toilet.

31:55 Drew It was just, you know, you got Ds and you sprinkle a few Fs in there, an occasional C in ceramics class.

32:01 Adam Did you ever get a really good grade in something? Ever. A sixth grade plus.

32:06 Drew Oh, from sixth grade on? I could have got a B in PE., maybe.

32:15 Adam No, no, I mean a class.

32:16 Drew That was the one though, you know, that's the one I think that used to fascinate my dad so much is I was kind of a jock and sort of a star football player and I played Pop Warner football for seven years and I'd get a C in PE. And of course I do horribly in English and math and everything else.

32:35 Adam Your self-concept was I'm C and beneath, therefore whatever level I'm performing in whatever class can't go past a C because I'm the C student.

32:43 Drew Well also I think teachers start to get on to that and find out who you are and I think they're filling the stuff out and they're like, well this guy, he did the same thing as everyone else but he's a C student so we'll give him a C and we'll give the guy an A.

32:54 Adam I would go back to something that you say to people all the time which is a lot of variables out there, there's only one variable that's fixed.

33:00 Drew I'm talking about in a situation like PE. Like, I don't know why I got a C and P all the time.

33:04 Adam Different coaches probably every semester, different people.

33:07 Drew No, no, same ones.

33:08 Adam You weren't just a big jack off.

33:09 Drew Oh yeah.

33:10 Adam Okay.

33:11 Drew I used to do stuff like come on out in a pair of jeans and then the coach who were really more Gestapo agents than they were PE coaches, a lot of frustrated ex-Marines and guys that were divorced and freaked out, they'd yell at me to go back in the locker room and put some shorts on and I'd pull the shorts on over my jeans and come back out again.

33:34 Adam Just out of curiosity, did you ever see anyone...

33:36 Drew I thought it was good for a laugh though.

33:38 Adam It is good for a laugh. It was an important training for you. But be that as it may, did you ever see anyone who actually got like a B plus in P or A minus do that? Yes.

33:46 Drew No.

33:47 Adam Oh, okay.

33:47 Drew Didn't see a lot of those guys.

33:48 Adam So let me get right. So the teachers had it out for you. Okay. Got it. Got it. Check.

33:54 Drew Check.

33:54 Adam I'm making, keeping notes here.

33:56 Drew How dare you? I did not kiss the man's ass. I want to make that perfectly clear.

34:01 Adam You avoided that at any cost.

34:03 Drew But scholastically, there was never anywhere for me to slide. Me sliding, my grades slipping would just be from D to fail or possibly from fail to fail. There wasn't really anywhere to go.

34:16 Adam From fail to expelled.

34:17 Drew Yeah, I think I go from fail to a toss out of school. Yeah, so I never understand that your grades slipping. And no, I never did get higher than a C in any class of any significance or meaning. If that's what you're asking.

34:29 Adam That's what I was asking. No. Because what I was looking for was any teacher that connected with you, inspired you.

34:35 Drew No.

34:35 Adam You know, put some faith in you and you were...

34:37 Drew I couldn't do it. I couldn't read or write. There's nothing I could do. I never took algebra. I did all right in math. Math. Not algebra, math.

34:46 Adam Arithmetic, that's correct.

34:47 Drew Arithmetic. Senior year high school in a math class, everybody.

34:51 Adam Arithmetic.

34:52 Drew Arithmetic. Multiplication tables, working on those.

34:55 Adam Okay.

34:58 Drew Yep. And here's the moral of the story, everybody. Millionaire. Literally millionaire. So you do the arithmetic. Chris?

35:11 Caller Yes.

35:11 Caller You're 30.

35:13 Caller Yeah.

35:13 Drew What's up?

35:15 Caller Tried to call you guys a couple of times over the past year.

35:17 Adam All right. Here we are. What's going on?

35:19 Caller Always miss you. By the way, I just want to say you guys do a great show. Everything's, it's happy. It's funny. Educational. Shocking. It's a, you guys should have been the reality show before the survivors. I mean, that's for sure.

35:28 Adam And we were.

35:29 Caller Well, that's what I mean. Yeah. You guys should have got the credit for it. Whatever.

35:34 Drew Thanks, buddy.

35:35 Caller Whatever. Anyways, I just want to know if there is such a thing as an LSD baby. This is really kind of towards Dr. Drew.

35:44 Adam Yeah. I've been looking for evidence of that. I have not seen any research that documents that. It may be, and it may be out there, and there may be such a thing, but I can't, I, from my fund of knowledge, can't say that it definitely exists.

35:57 Caller Okay.

35:58 Drew Meaning the mom did LSD?

36:01 Caller No, the dad.

36:02 Adam Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, the, there was some time, for a while, some concern that the LSD would cause some chromosome damages, but really what that creates is fertility problems. It does not create disturbed offspring.

36:16 Caller Okay.

36:17 Adam Well, what's up with you?

36:19 Caller Well, my mom left my dad when I was like two weeks old, because she says, you know, there's, of course, both sides of their story. He says if she partied, she is the prudest person I've ever met. But she left him because she said he wouldn't stop doing LSD. One of the nicknames that I had besides Bills Above and Casper the Ghost as a child was incoherent, apparently. They said I just giggle and stare at the wall for hours, and they were really terrified of the family.

36:48 Drew Bills Above, that's a mouthful for a kindergartener.

36:53 Caller Well, no, I didn't call myself that. That's what my mom and everybody called me. It was a joke. You know, I'd always cry when I had it. I didn't know what the hell it meant. But one of the...

37:02 Adam You sure you weren't the jack-off friends of your weirdo parents? Not to be too obtuse about this, but you know what I mean?

37:08 Caller No, no, no, no, no. My mom's family is not a bunch of weirdos. My mom left my dad because...

37:14 Drew All right. Well, are you okay now?

37:17 Caller Well, that's what I'm wondering because, you know, when you guys talk about LSD and stuff, you always say about the depression. Yeah. I know there's many different reasons for depression.

37:25 Drew Well, being called the Beelzebub growing up is enough to make a guy depressed.

37:29 Caller Well, I didn't know what Beelzebub was until I got older. And by that time, I thought it was cool. You know, young guys, you know, Lucifer, Beelzebub, whatever. But the incoherent part is what I'm getting at. You know, they called, they were, my mom's family was always worried that, you know, when they were saying, God, is kid okay? They were, they said that they always said they're afraid that I was burned, is what my mom would say.

37:51 Adam Burned by what?

37:52 Drew Yeah, their brain was burned out.

37:53 Caller Burned by my dad's acid.

37:54 Adam No, no, no. But I wonder if your mom was doing something while you were...

37:58 Caller Well, you know, and that's the thing is my dad, years later when I finally got to have a life with my father, got to know him and find out if he was really Satan incarnated on this planet like my mom always said.

38:10 Drew This guy works a lot of Satan angles into his channel.

38:13 Caller Well, you know, what now? Well, I mean, that's my mother's thing.

38:16 Drew All right, Chris, Chris, listen, I got to go to break, but here's what I'm going to tell you. You're not defective mentally. Wherever you're at has been caused by the environment and the environment you grew up in. There's nothing genetically wrong with you.

38:33 Adam You may have had some minimal brain syndrome.

38:35 Drew I don't think the guy had.

38:36 Caller I'm sorry, what was that?

38:37 Drew You can do whatever you want. You're not, there's nothing internally wrong with you. You're now free to have a good, meaningful life.

38:44 Caller Right, well, I just want to know medically if there ever was anything, because the way you guys know, really get into it, I know.

38:50 Adam Not that I'm aware of.

38:51 Drew All right, let's take ourselves a break. I'm going to tell Drew more stories of my scholastic achievements, and we'll be back after this. What's up? It's Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Heading out to Fontana after the show. Drew?

39:16 Caller Oh.

39:20 Adam What'd you tell me what just happened?

39:21 Drew Drew made a stabbing grab for his microphone. Apparently, it's something that couldn't wait. He yanked on the mic and the cord grabbed my coffee mug and dumped it all over the console and possibly on to Drew.

39:37 Caller Is it going into the holes?

39:38 Drew Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, don't worry about it, though.

39:42 Adam Here won't make any difference.

39:43 Drew Yeah, won't make any difference here. If this was another studio that had equipment that was not taken off a pre-World War II Soviet sub, it would probably make some difference. But this, although one problem you do run here at Westwood 1 is you short something out and they don't make these vacuum tubes anymore. They're hand blown in the Soviet Union in the early 30s.

40:09 Adam As I look, as I survey the scene here, the mess, it's kind of remarkable. This is the first time this has happened. Remarkable.

40:15 Drew We've dumped coffee before.

40:17 Adam Not like this, not in the grand scale like this.

40:19 Drew No, this was an explosive, aggressive move Drew made toward my coffee cup. And no matter what he says, you'll never convince me that wasn't an attack. That was an attack that was meant for me, Drew. Anyway, what the hell are we talking about? Yeah, I'm going to Fontana tonight. Big NASCAR race tomorrow. Got to do a little man show business. So that'll be good. Being on the road about 145 in the middle of Bomb F Fontana. And you ready to go back to the phone? Still got to wipe up here, Mike?

40:50 Adam No, mine's fine. That was his that spilled.

40:53 Drew Mike, you're 19.

40:54 Adam Yeah.

40:54 Drew What's going on?

40:56 Caller Okay.

40:56 Well, I'm like really in the cycling and like I race.

40:59 Caller And so because of that, I shaved my legs.

41:03 And I have a problem with like kind of inflamed, like ingrown hairs, where my seams of like my clothes, my jeans and stuff.

41:11 Adam So you shave like a razor?

41:13 Caller Yeah.

41:16 Drew Do you shave for cuts or do you shave for wind resistance?

41:21 Wind resistance.

41:21 Adam What's cuts mean?

41:23 Drew Well, if you, if you, if you have a hairy leg and you go down on your bike and cut yourself up and you got a lot of hair on you, it's, it's kind of a mess, you know, which is part of it.

41:36 Adam Well, this is what women deal with all the time.

41:39 Drew How about you get some of those like Lycra's spandex things and pull them up?

41:45 Caller I wear those anyway.

41:46 Adam You can get lasered in that area?

41:47 Drew You wear those and you shave?

41:50 Adam What about the stuff that you use?

41:52 Drew Yeah. Hey, they got this bump juice you can put on your troubled areas.

41:57 Caller Okay.

41:58 Drew Kind of works after you shave.

41:59 Adam New skin.

42:00 Drew No, it's called something else now. Mike.

42:04 Caller Yeah.

42:04 Drew Go to a beauty supply place.

42:07 Caller Oh, great.

42:08 Drew And...

42:09 Adam Ten skin. Ten skin, that's it.

42:11 Drew It's not called that anymore. You shave your legs, what do you care? You're halfway to womanhood already. Go to the beauty supply place and tell them you want something for razor burn. And shaving bumps and ingrown hairs. They'll give you a little something. Then after you shave, you just take a little cotton ball and dab it on and it cuts it way down.

42:31 Caller Okay.

42:31 Drew All right, buddy.

42:32 Adam There you go.

42:32 Drew Good times.

42:33 Caller Thanks.

42:34 Drew All right. Let's talk to Heather who's 19. Heather?

42:39 Caller Yeah.

42:39 Drew Yeah. Let me give you my theory about guys who get really into stuff. Uh, especially with the leg shaving and stuff. I think they do it so that people can go, why do you shave your legs? And then they can give them a long spiel about the racing bikes. I really don't think the wind resistance is that much at the level that he's at. He's not in the velodrome at the Olympic level. Heather?

43:02 Caller Yeah.

43:02 Drew What's up? Okay.

43:03 Caller Before I get to my question, my sister just wants me to tell you Adam, that you're the sexiest guy in the world.

43:08 Adam How old's your sister? Nine?

43:11 Drew Nice. There's been much speculation surrounding that for many years, but never any confirmation until now.

43:18 Caller Well, there you go.

43:19 Drew Thank you.

43:20 Adam But think of what that says about women and how they assess attraction. Just put your history into that little...

43:27 Drew I am tired of being called a physically unattractive man when there's nothing wrong with me.

43:32 Adam I'm not saying that.

43:33 Drew Thank you.

43:34 Adam I'm just saying that in high school, you couldn't buy that kind of compliment.

43:38 Drew Hell no.

43:38 Adam And now because you have stature, the perception has totally changed.

43:43 Drew Yeah. Isn't that wild? My less than D average did not turn the ladies on with this... combined with the ceramics major. Heather?

43:51 Caller Yes.

43:51 Drew All right. So what's your question?

43:52 Caller Okay. I moved up from San Diego to Costa Mesa, California to go to school like eight months ago.

43:58 Adam Costa Mesa?

43:59 Caller Costa Mesa. Near Huntington.

44:01 Adam Orange Coast?

44:02 Caller Yeah. I went to Orange Coast College. Community College. And I met a boy up there and we started dating. But I got in a fight with my dad, so I had to move back home to my mom's house. But we're still together. But I don't know if it's going to work out because we fight all the time about us going out. And I really I want to kiss another guy to see if it's really still there or not.

44:23 Drew See if what's really still there? Your tongue?

44:25 Caller No. My feelings for him, it's like up there, he was like my everything.

44:29 Caller I hung out with him all the time.

44:31 Caller And now that I don't see him as much, I'm kind of like, eh.

44:34 Drew Yeah, but if you're asking those questions, it's done.

44:37 Adam You're done. You're done.

44:38 Caller Well, no, because, okay, I really, really like him.

44:41 Adam This is this, yes, like him is the upper word here. This is the best friend theory.

44:45 Drew Yeah.

44:46 Caller Best friend theory.

44:46 Drew How far away is the Orange Coast College from where you are?

44:50 Caller An hour and a half.

44:51 Drew Yeah. That's in it. That's an eternity at 19. You're done. It's over. Put a fork in it. It's all done. Okay. You're, believe me, that you're not going to marry this guy.

45:03 Adam He was your everything for the same reason your best friend lived next door when you were growing up.

45:08 Drew Yes. I was going to say a very good point, but that's my point.

45:11 Adam I'm saying, I'm making your point. I offered you the prompt and you didn't go for it.

45:15 Drew Well, look at it this way. Why does everyone's best friend magically live across the street or next door to them growing up? Why? They're not their best friend. They're the dude who lives across the street from them.

45:27 Adam The guy you spend a lot of time with.

45:29 Drew Yes. And the best friend sits behind them in high school or in junior high. But when you get older, you get to really find out who your best friends are, because it has nothing to do with proximity or location. And oftentimes relationships drag out of high school and they go on longer than they need to. And everyone gets that way. Women have it and men have it equally. But we're telling you, and Drew, you'll shout this from the highest mountain.

45:59 Adam It's over.

46:00 Drew It's over. And the average high school, first year college relationship probably goes on 8 to 12 months longer than it should.

46:08 Adam Average.

46:09 Drew Average. We'll take a break. Hey, Loveline, everybody. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Anderson, who won that Kings game? No.

46:24 Adam Kings won?

46:24 Drew Yeah.

46:25 Adam Wow.

46:26 Drew Another big OT victory for the Kings.

46:29 Adam Where'd they come from this year?

46:31 Caller Don't know.

46:32 Drew Don't care. But I wish them all the luck in the world. The great thing about LA fans is we don't move until something moves first. We ain't going out and supporting losers. They didn't have the top 1% of the A-holes nationally move to LA to support a 500-hockey team. We wait until the second round, then we start to get up. But the good news is about LA fans, the second something becomes somebody or a team or anything becomes a winner, they jump right on.

47:05 Adam And they'll pay a fortune for tickets.

47:07 Drew They'll pay for the tickets. You'll see a lot of Kings jerseys around town. And it'll be Kings mania if they can win this second round of the playoffs.

47:15 Caller The Penguins also won.

47:17 Drew The Penguins won too, which must be Anderson's team. Yeah. Pittsburgh, I'll tell you, that town has diehard sports fans and has more champions in that smallish city compared to just about any other city.

47:33 Adam Of that size. Yeah.

47:34 Drew You know, you think about the Steelers dynasties and the Pirates and the Penguins. Jesus. They don't have a basketball team, though, do they? Never did, did they?

47:45 Caller Hello?

47:45 Adam RIDGETT?

47:46 Caller Yeah.

47:47 Caller I have a list of questions, but each time I call, just knock one off, so that's why I'm going to keep calling back. I can't go to rehab until I'm off probation. And this kid was on the other night and he was like 15, and you told him that if he got addicted to opiates now, that it would be almost impossible for him to come back from.

48:06 Adam At 15, it makes it very difficult. If you've been using heavily since the age of 15.

48:11 Caller 16.

48:12 Adam Yeah, it makes it very difficult. It makes it very difficult.

48:16 Caller And I was also wondering, if my husband won't get sober, is it going to be like, am I going to have to make a choice between him or being sober?

48:26 Adam Probably.

48:27 Caller Because he's from Florida and he'll move to Florida and he'll take me to court over the baby and he'll probably use this against me.

48:34 Adam Yeah, but if you're sober and he's not and you're the mom, I think it will not be a big problem.

48:39 Drew What are you into? Heroin?

48:41 Caller Opiates. I mean, oxycontin.

48:45 Drew And your husband's into booze?

48:47 Caller Yeah.

48:48 Caller I called the other night about my husband.

48:51 Caller I was about going to rehab with my kid.

48:52 Caller Right, right, right.

48:53 Drew Right. And you're on probation right now?

48:57 Caller Yeah. I've been on it for three years and I'll probably be off in about two months or so.

49:02 Adam What are you on probation for?

49:04 Caller A pound of weed.

49:05 Adam Okay.

49:06 Caller And I have 400 hours of community service and five years of probation.

49:10 Drew What did you do in your community service?

49:14 Caller Well, the first about 100 hours I worked at an animal hospital or, you know, the Malhumane Society and then the rest of it I worked at the Lord's Kitchen where we feed the hungry. But, like, he would give me hours when I didn't really... As long as I went, he would just, you know, every time I went to get a paper he would say how many hours do you want me to put down?

49:33 Drew That's nice. So he'd shave hours. Your probation officer?

49:38 Caller Yeah.

49:38 Drew Or your hours tabulator?

49:41 Caller Yeah.

49:41 Adam What's else on your question list tonight?

49:44 Caller I got... it's a bunch of different questions, but this is, like, the only one I have for tonight. I really don't understand why that... why if you're so young, why is it harder to...

49:55 Adam Well, one of the sort of fundamental issues is that during adolescence, your brain is developing and you're usually also developing, coping and hitting developmental milestones. And if you're loaded, if your brain isn't functioning normally, you don't go through... both your brain doesn't grow the way it normally should and you don't go through the psychological milestones. So basically, when you come off the drugs, you are developmentally 14, or wherever you were when you started using drugs. And to grow up again, from a young adolescent, as an adult, is very challenging.

50:30 Drew Yeah, I got a plan. It just struck me. You know how I'd like the government run like a casino, essentially?

50:38 Adam Yeah.

50:38 Drew High rollers, get the big sweets and the comped buffet. And as you know, I put myself in the high roller club, tax-wise.

50:47 Adam No kidding.

50:48 Drew I'm going to shell out 500, 600 grand worth of taxes in any given year. I feel like I should get a little extra bang for my buck, a little something from Uncle Sam, instead of abuse. Another parking ticket and the garbage man throwing that baby into reverse and hearing that beeping sound about 610 every goddamn Friday morning. Here's my plan, Drew. How do you think this would fly with the taxpayers? We take some of these people and get these large community service settlements, you know, let's say 50 hours plus, send them over to my pad. A little yard work, detail the jag. Make me some lemonade and put them to use.

51:32 Adam You let them watch the big screen TV.

51:34 Drew No, no.

51:34 Adam I know how you are. You'd be friendly eventually. You'd kick their ass a little bit.

51:37 Drew I'd be good to them. Listen, I wouldn't turn the TV off if they were vacuuming or dusting in the den.

51:42 Adam Of course.

51:43 Drew But I'm just saying, instead of sending these guys down to the soup kitchen or off to the roadside, essentially helping people who aren't paying the taxes, these people have a debt to pay to society. I look at me as more society than the guy at the soup kitchen.

51:59 Adam I think what you're basically saying is the people that are being served at the soup kitchen ought to also come to your house and be of service.

52:06 Drew I'll leave them alone. They can just stay at the soup kitchen and serve themselves.

52:10 Adam Okay.

52:11 Drew But let's send some of these offenders over my way. Put them to work in the yard. I'm going to look into this, Drew.

52:18 Adam Utopia.

52:19 Drew I think I might have something here. A little incentive to get into the High Rollers Club. Keith?

52:25 Yeah, hi.

52:26 Drew You're 16. What's up?

52:28 Caller Well, okay. I've been friends with this guy and I'm gay. And he's gay. And we're kind of like talking, you know? And I was having a bad day and I called him and he was like, we'll come over Saturday and I'll cook you dinner and I'll make you feel better. And my question is, is he wanting to cheer me up, you know, to make me feel better as a friend or is he wanting romance or...

52:54 Adam Sounds like he wants a little romance.

52:56 Caller Yeah. I'm kind of like getting mixed signals.

52:59 Drew How old is he?

53:00 Caller He's 18.

53:02 Drew Is he on his own?

53:03 Caller No, he's with his parents.

53:05 Drew I'm just going to cook him and his gay buddy some dinner over at the folks' place.

53:11 Caller Well, like, they don't care. He's out. And like, they don't care. They're really supportive.

53:15 Drew I see. Well, I guess one advantage to having your gay son come out is that you have a gourmet chef full time at the house.

53:23 Caller Well, yeah. I mean, yeah.

53:25 Drew Yeah.

53:26 Caller But like, what I was saying is like, because he was like, I feel bad for you. And I was wondering if he was just like feeling pity for me or...

53:34 Drew Well, I think he's interested in something. Do you like him?

53:37 Adam Well, yeah.

53:37 Caller He's really great and everything.

53:38 Adam I think it's moving forward.

53:40 Drew Yeah.

53:40 Adam I think relax.

53:42 Caller Yeah.

53:42 Drew Yeah. Game on.

53:43 Adam Enjoy.

53:44 Caller Well, I'm kind of scared too. Like, what if I get over there and he's like all great and romantic looking and I go to kiss him and then he backs off.

53:52 Adam Well, listen, these are the kinds of ambivalence you're going to have every time you enter into every relationship. You're sort of feeling each other out and figuring out where you want to go. And it's always unpleasant, a little uncomfortable and anxiety provoking. So just relax, move forward. If you don't take these risks, you're never going to have a decent relationship.

54:10 Drew Are his folks going to be there?

54:11 Caller Well, no.

54:13 Drew Oh, they're not?

54:14 Caller No.

54:14 Drew How do you know they're not going to be there?

54:16 Caller Because he already told me they wouldn't be there.

54:18 Adam Oh, he's into something here.

54:20 Caller Well, no, he told me that there was going to be like no whatever going on. So.

54:25 Drew What did he say?

54:26 Caller I was like, because he's like, I was like, I'm feeling really down and he was like, we'll come over and I'll make you feel better. And he was like, not sexually. And I was like, okay.

54:35 Drew So yeah. You could read that a couple of ways.

54:39 Adam Yeah. We got to, there needs to be like a gay English dictionary.

54:41 Drew The mere fact that he brings up the sex.

54:44 Adam Yeah. But that's how we interpret a woman's thing, you know? Yeah. It's like, I'm just letting you know up front, I'm not into that kind of thing. But the fact that she brings it up, it's like, wait a minute.

54:55 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

54:57 Caller Yeah.

54:57 Drew Yeah. Take, go number two and take a good shower before you head over there just to play it safe.

55:04 Caller Okay.

55:05 Drew All right. Okay.

55:06 Caller Thanks.

55:06 Drew All right. Good times there, buddy.

55:08 Caller Thanks.

55:08 Drew And listen, if you get into anything, use the condom, right?

55:12 Caller Yeah, definitely.

55:12 Adam God bless.

55:13 Drew All right.

55:14 Adam Bye.

55:14 Drew Take care of yourself.

55:15 Caller You too.

55:15 Drew All right.

55:16 Caller All right.

55:18 Drew Since when does a gay guy kick the parents out, tell the other gay guy, come on over and make you dinner?

55:24 Caller Yeah.

55:25 Adam For nothing. For friendship?

55:27 Caller Yeah.

55:29 Drew Here's how you know the gay guy wants in.

55:31 Adam Eighteen-year-old too, not a sixteen-year-old.

55:32 Drew Here's how you know he wants in the underpants. The guys wear underpants? Thong back. Thong back, yeah. Gay guys?

55:40 Caller Yeah, thong back.

55:41 Drew With tassel fringe. Sequence. Yeah. When he says...

55:50 Adam Zebra pattern?

55:51 Drew Zebra, yeah. Or sometimes Leopard.

55:54 Adam Good times. Good times.

55:55 Drew When he goes, you want to get high?

55:59 Adam No, you're cool.

56:02 Drew If he asks if you want to get high, then that's game on sexually. That's the gay man's move.

56:07 Adam Maybe you ought to publish, instead of the Gay Aptitude Test, which has seemed to fade into oblivion somehow.

56:13 Drew Well, everything does eventually.

56:14 Adam Maybe there ought to be a gay Corolla or gay English dictionary. I think it's like a little computer that interprets translation in it.

56:23 Drew Yes. Yeah, you just punch in, do you want to get high? Yeah.

56:27 Adam Translation.

56:28 Drew Can I blow you?

56:29 Adam That's right. It translates for you automatically.

56:31 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

56:32 Adam Want to get high?

56:33 Drew Ryan?

56:34 Caller Yes.

56:35 Drew You're 18?

56:35 Caller I am.

56:36 Caller What's up?

56:38 Caller First of all, I want to say, I always hear people say, Adam, I love you and Drew, you're cool. I think that's absent for me because I totally respect you, Drew. You give like my generation so much advice. It's cool.

56:48 Caller Thanks, Ryan.

56:50 Caller My situation is my parents have been divorced for two years now and it just happened their divorce was final on my sweet 16th birthday, which was fun. But back in 97, I was like a freshman in high school. I found an email that my mom had written a guy up in Chicago. I was living in Florida at the time. Just pretty much asking him, like, you know, why aren't you interested in me anymore? Is it because I was aggressive and bad to snap me? Pretty much I found out that she was cheating on my dad with a guy up here. Like I actually met him. She took me to meet him too, which was a double whammy.

57:26 Adam Did you know that that was the guy at the time?

57:29 Caller Not at the time. I found out about three or four months after she had did it, because I was just cleaning through our computer. I'm a computer nerd. And then maybe it'll be two years in September. My dad got married like five months after they got divorced.

57:46 Adam So he was probably seeing someone too.

57:48 Caller Yeah, well, once they started talking about divorce again, he was seeing them again, or seeing somebody. And he got married on my parents' anniversary, which really hurt me too.

57:58 Drew Jesus, what do you, why are you such a glutton for punishment? I mean, Drew, do you know when your parents' anniversary is? Do you know what month it is? April, I think. You think? Yeah. Well, my parents got divorced before Christ was born. But I have no idea when it was, and I don't care. You know, what do you care? I mean, I understand they're your parents and all that, but like the anniversary that, you know, all right, but she's she's she's tormenting herself. Yeah. Why do that?

58:32 Adam Point taken. So what else going on?

58:33 Caller Um, well, since he got married, like I had moved in with him right before he got married because my school situation was pretty horrible. So I was like, let's go to a different school and see if things get better.

58:43 Adam What was wrong with your school situation?

58:45 Caller I was just skipping school all the time, not wanting to be there because you were so depressed from all this family stuff. Kind of.

58:52 Caller Yeah.

58:52 Caller I just kind of found like my friends like as Mikescape and they were always doing it.

58:56 Caller So.

58:57 Adam All right. So what's the, what do you get? What are we building to here? What's the question?

59:00 Caller Okay. Well, the thing is, is like my, my mom is all upset because of the way my dad handled the situation. She said he couldn't wait until the divorce was final or anything to move in with her or wait until date until the divorce was final or anything.

59:13 Adam And she's concerned about that because of how it affected you?

59:17 Caller Pretty much. It's like, because we didn't know that they were engaged or anything until they were almost married.

59:22 Adam So she's, she is seeing how this is upsetting you.

59:25 Caller Yeah.

59:25 Adam And then she's sort of piggybacking on that and colluding with you and talking to you about how awful the dad is. So she doesn't feel guilty about what she had done.

59:34 Caller Yeah. So my question is, is how, how do I appropriately bring to her, how can you, you know, say this about my dad if he's happy now and get all angry at him if you were going to do the same exact thing?

59:46 Adam Why don't you say, why don't you first of all, set up some groundwork rules about and set some boundaries with your mom. You're both my parents. I love you both. So for you to begin colluding with me because it makes you feel better, doesn't help me. It hurts me.

1:00:04 Drew Yeah.

1:00:04 Adam And then point out to her and if she gets weird about it, you might remind her that she was involved in something long before things went down with divorce.

1:00:13 Drew I tell you, when these parents start working each one against the kid.

1:00:17 Adam The worst thing of all. I mean, it's just the worst thing.

1:00:21 Drew How selfish, how retarded you have to be. You can't get past that. You got to draw your kid into this and start brainwashing the kid and giving them screwed up ambivalent feelings. Are you running for god damn Senate?

1:00:35 Adam Hey, it's all exploitation. You're exploiting your kids to make yourself feel better.

1:00:40 Drew Just leave the kid alone. Your marriage didn't work out. He took off with someone else. You were trying to get in with somebody else. Just leave the kid out of it. My god. Brandon?

1:00:51 Caller Yeah.

1:00:51 Drew You're 16.

1:00:52 Caller Yep.

1:00:53 Drew What's up?

1:00:54 Caller All right.

1:00:55 Caller Whenever me and my girlfriend have sex, if I orgasm inside of her, she says it really burns her. And then after that, if she tries to go pee, that like stings.

1:01:08 Adam Well, that's probably just the irritation of the whole area around the vagina. And yeah. And listen, is such a thing as allergy or sort of an intolerance to some guy's semen? Have you thought about maybe wearing a condom?

1:01:23 Caller Well, she's already on birth control, so I figured it would just be like an allergic reaction.

1:01:28 Drew There's a syndrome known as demon seed. The only way to cure that is to perform an exorcism over the testes.

1:01:37 Adam Be that as it may, she may also have some other sort of inflammation or infection there that... Has she seen a doctor lately?

1:01:45 Caller Well, she goes to get the shot every three months and I think they check her out for all.

1:01:48 Adam Well, make sure they do do a pelvic exam. And by the way, the shot can cause all sorts of vaginal dryness and things. Again, I wouldn't be surprised if she went off the shot and went on to something that had estrogen or went on the shot that had contained estrogen as well as progesterone. That some of that irritability, that irritation of the vagina might not settle down, I'd be, the last thing I would sort of brush it off as is allergy.

1:02:10 Drew Drew, how many times a show do you think you average saying the word vagina?

1:02:15 Adam Hmm, six.

1:02:18 Caller Six? Yeah.

1:02:20 Drew No, more under 9.8.

1:02:22 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:02:23 Adam Oh, really?

1:02:23 Drew Yeah.

1:02:24 Adam Well, some nights are around 15. Yeah, yeah, could be.

1:02:27 Drew You ever think there's a night when you don't do any?

1:02:30 Adam Hmm, probably not under one or two.

1:02:33 Drew Not under one? So you never say like, the, not half of a vagina?

1:02:38 Adam No, not a.8.

1:02:41 Drew Brittany?

1:02:42 Caller Yeah, I'm 17, and I've been using narcotics and alcohol since I was 13.

1:02:48 Drew Good times.

1:02:49 Caller Yeah, and since I've gotten clean, I've been clean for a month. I've been having these crazy nightmares.

1:02:55 Adam Using nightmares?

1:02:57 Caller No, like just nightmares, just things that scare me like ghosts and monsters and weird, just weird stuff.

1:03:04 Adam Are you on a medication?

1:03:06 Caller No, I'm on any medication. I used to be on Prozac, but my doctor took me off of it.

1:03:12 Adam What drugs were you using?

1:03:13 Caller Acid, E, drinking occasionally, or more than occasionally, smoking, but almost every day.

1:03:20 Adam Oh, okay.

1:03:21 Caller So now I'm in AA, NA, and I've been clean for a month, and I've been getting these nightmares. I don't remember dreaming at all through using.

1:03:30 Adam Well, your sleep becomes severely disrupted by drug use, and everyone that stops using drugs will have disordered sleep for up to about six months. And most people, the quality of that disruption is that they arouse very, very frequently. So they feel like, even though if we were to watch you sleeping through the night, to us, you would be lying there snoring. To you, you would feel like you've been up all night. Because every five minutes, you'd kind of arouse and wake up a little bit. The quality of the sleep would be very poor. With that, there's also oftentimes very disturbing dreams, often around using. And it's your brain healing. It's your brain coming back to life. And you give it some time. It'll take a few months, but it will get better.

1:04:10 Drew I'll tell you something that helped me with my dreams, Drew, is I keep a notepad on my nightstand. And if I have a bad dream, I will wake up and I will write down what happened in the bad dream. And then the following morning, I'll tear the sheet off the notepad and use it as a bib when I whack off.

1:04:36 Adam Or, I think you're going to see toilet paper, but bib, bib is a little more biblical.

1:04:41 Drew That offered some closure.

1:04:43 Adam I could see that.

1:04:44 Drew For me.

1:04:45 Adam I would have a series of weird dreams and kept a tape recorder by my bed. I think I've mentioned this to you before. Really? Yeah. So I'd get up middle of the night and I'd dictate off what it was just happened. Because I could never remember it in the morning. And the first time I did this, I went running for the tape recorder first thing in the morning. I was excited to hear what it was I'd said. And what I heard was this. It was nice. Good times.

1:05:10 Drew There was a recipe for gazpacho on it, right? You know, I always get, I don't know where I rate the people that get nutty about keeping track of your dreams, but somewhere, somewhere in with the tantric sex people and the ghost, the ghost people and the UFO people. It's one of those neither here nor there. You know what I like? I like when the dream experts are on some talk show and somebody calls in and they get an argument with them about how they dream, like the personal call and they go, yeah, Dr. Jackson, dream expert. I don't dream, I don't think, oh yes you do. Everyone dreams. Well, I never remember them and sometimes I dream and other nights, oh no, you dream. Every night, every night you dream, every mammal dreams. And the person's like, well, I guess I just don't, they all dream. It's like somehow if people didn't dream, the business would dry up or something. I'm always like, okay, who cares? What the hell is this supposed to do for you? Yeah. Listen, here's what you do. You have a bad dream, you get up, you feel for your junk, it's still there, you go back to bed. That's right. That's how it works.

1:06:25 Adam Sure.

1:06:25 Drew We'll take a little break. Drew, you're dreaming of urination right now?

1:06:29 Adam Oh, vividly.

1:06:30 Drew All right. We'll be back. Yeah. Drew's fired up, everybody. Look out. Hell hath no fury like a passionate, passionate, passionate man scorned everybody. Drew is fired up over here. I was just thinking about something last night. And sometimes I think I have made this announcement a few times on this show. Nobody is less into their career than you or me, at least in a sort of out of it way. Sure, we'd like to make some money and like everything to go well, but never know what's going on. Jonathan Shett came in here last night.

1:07:21 Adam Yeah.

1:07:21 Drew And he sat down and right before the show started, he said...

1:07:27 Adam Yeah, this is funny.

1:07:29 Drew Jonathan Shett is that good looking guy from that Thing You Do movie. He was the real serious one. He'd done a ton of movies and he's in the Forsaken movie, which is coming out this Friday. And he's a real nice guy. And he sat down here just before the show started. And he said, we're talking about something. And he said, well, it's no after sex.

1:07:48 Adam Yeah.

1:07:48 Drew And Drew and I both kind of looked and smiled and looked back down again. And he made like another comment, like, it's not after sex. Drew and I sat there and sort of paused. There was like a little silence.

1:07:58 Adam Not he was talking about something about something you do after sex.

1:08:02 Drew We weren't sure what his reference was, but it was a little uncomfortable. We didn't want to tell him. We didn't know what he was talking about. He was talking about a movie that he was in that we were in together.

1:08:13 Adam We were featured in.

1:08:14 Drew That we were featured in. There's a Brooke Shields movie and there's a few other people in it. We didn't know the name of it.

1:08:22 Adam Listen, that happened last night, right?

1:08:24 Drew Drew, how many movies have you been in? I don't know. That's it, right?

1:08:27 Adam I don't even know. I guess that's it.

1:08:29 Drew The only movie you've been in?

1:08:30 Adam I think that's it.

1:08:30 Drew The only feature film you've ever been in?

1:08:33 Adam As far as I know is that.

1:08:34 Drew And you don't know the title of it? No. Have you ever seen it?

1:08:37 Caller No.

1:08:38 Drew Okay. There you go. What's it? It's been in the video stores for a year and a half now?

1:08:43 Adam You want to, it seemed weirder? What did you write down right here?

1:08:46 Drew After sex.

1:08:47 Adam I saw you writing it down as the thing started. I thought, is he going to talk about something that happened after sex? Still didn't get it.

1:08:54 Caller Still did not get it.

1:08:57 Drew Jesus Christ.

1:08:59 Caller That's so funny.

1:09:02 Drew All right, Drew. You got to get a publicist. Nina?

1:09:06 Caller Yeah?

1:09:06 Adam Well, certainly because we can't handle our own ass. You know what I'm saying?

1:09:08 Drew You're 14. What's up?

1:09:10 Caller Okay, I'm calling because I don't know, like, I don't know if it's something wrong with me or whatever, but like all through elementary school, I had just basically guy friends. And now, like, I'm in eighth grade and like none of the guys at my middle school have like ever found me attractive because I'm still friends with like a lot of guys and I've asked them, you know what? Do you know anyone who's ever had a crush on me? And they're like, no.

1:09:40 Caller You're just Nina.

1:09:43 Caller So it just kind of bothers me.

1:09:45 Adam So you're the guy's guy?

1:09:47 Caller Yeah.

1:09:49 Caller Yeah.

1:09:49 Adam The guy's guy, girl. The guy's girl.

1:09:51 Caller Right. All right.

1:09:53 Adam You're 14. There's a whole long way to go here.

1:09:56 Caller I know. But like at summer camp, I've had a couple kind of fling relationship things.

1:10:02 Caller But I know that's just because people are really desperate at summer camp.

1:10:05 Adam No, no, no, no. You got to think a little more of yourself than that. Did you go to a very small school?

1:10:11 Caller No, not really. There's about 2,000 people there.

1:10:16 Drew They always name those summer camps after Indians and things like that. Camp Gitchy Goomy and stuff like that. They don't really just call it what it is. They have one that's called Camp Hump, Bunk Rape.

1:10:29 Adam Camp Hump.

1:10:30 Drew Well, that may be mistaken for an Indian name too.

1:10:33 Adam Well, that's the point.

1:10:34 Drew Everybody gets something in camp.

1:10:37 Caller Well, yeah.

1:10:38 Drew Even folks who don't get stuff on the outside, like yourself, get something in camp, right?

1:10:42 Adam HPV.

1:10:44 Drew That's right. Crabs. You're in the ninth grade or ninth grade?

1:10:49 Caller Eighth grade.

1:10:50 Drew Eighth grade.

1:10:51 Adam Just relax. Just keep your eyes open. Maybe ask some guys out a little bit.

1:10:57 Caller I've tried that. It didn't work.

1:10:59 Drew Look, I know it sounds like a bad position to be in right now being a young girl and not having guys coming after you and you see the other girls that the guys are all over.

1:11:13 Adam It's a godsend.

1:11:13 Drew In the big picture.

1:11:14 Adam It's a godsend.

1:11:15 Drew It ain't going to hurt you. It'll be good for you.

1:11:17 Adam Yeah.

1:11:18 Drew Okay. Nina is goddess by witness.

1:11:21 Adam On many levels.

1:11:21 Drew I remember the handful of very popular girls that had guys going nuts for them in sixth grade, seventh grade, eighth grade. It burns them out. It jades them. It screws them up. They get pregnant and bad skin by the time they're 17.

1:11:36 Adam Yeah.

1:11:37 Drew Yes. This is going to be good in the big picture. I know it may not sound great right now. And also, what every one of those supermodels we speak to, what's her rap?

1:11:48 Adam Awkward, tomboy. No date for the prom.

1:11:51 Drew No date for the prom. No date for the prom.

1:11:53 Adam Why?

1:11:54 Drew I was doing coke with an Arab guy in Milan. That's why you had no date for the prom. You're in France, for Christ's sake.

1:12:01 Adam Yeah.

1:12:02 Drew Jesus Christ. I never buy that crap. I know all models go to some sort of conditioning school.

1:12:10 Adam Some sort of finishing school to tell them what to say to the public.

1:12:12 Drew Remember when we went to media training? Yeah. Oh, God. I think they sit them down and they go, Here's your app. And class, what if somebody asked you what you were like in high school? Yeah, Sarah. Well, I was popular and had many... No! No. You were a tomboy. You were long and galky and you had no date for the prom.

1:12:39 Adam Hadn't grown into my looks yet.

1:12:40 Drew All right. And let's move on to the next question. What if someone asked you how you got into modeling? Jane, yes. Your hands up. Yeah. I thought I was pretty hot when I was about 15. I took a good long look in the mirror and I went down to the loco... No! No. Your best friend signed you up. You had no intentions of it. You wanted to be, let's see, something with animals, something with animals, some sort of an animal doctor, trainer. You wanted to work at something that didn't pay too good and wasn't too glamorous. But your friend signed you up for the modeling.

1:13:21 Adam Right.

1:13:22 Drew And... Yeah.

1:13:22 Adam Always my friends on a dare.

1:13:25 Drew On a dare, you did it and...

1:13:26 Adam It was a contest and I won and somebody saw me.

1:13:30 Drew That's what happened. All right. Class dismissed. Let's all go vomit and meet back here in 15 minutes. During nutrition, we'll do some heroin. Charles?

1:13:41 Caller Yes.

1:13:42 Drew You're 36.

1:13:43 Caller Yes, sir.

1:13:43 Drew What's up?

1:13:44 Caller I'm calling about... To find out what my chances of survival are. I've had six open heart surgeries.

1:13:50 Caller I was born with transposition of the greater vessels.

1:13:53 Caller And my last surgery was real rough for me.

1:13:57 Caller I had a nerve...

1:13:58 Caller I had edema throughout my whole body, and it left me with nerve damage in my left leg, which is a dropped foot. Causes me a lot of pain in my back. But anyway, they're saying I have a blockage in one of my valves now. And I'll possibly need a seventh open heart surgery. They say that technology has come quite a ways in the last ten years.

1:14:18 Adam So you haven't had any surgery since you were a lot younger?

1:14:21 Caller Not since I was 24. Oh, yeah.

1:14:24 Adam And what was that procedure?

1:14:26 Caller It's been 11 years. The way it was explained to me was they took out one of my main valves which...

1:14:34 Adam The last procedure you're talking about now?

1:14:35 Caller Yes.

1:14:35 They took out the...

1:14:36 Caller The way the doctor described it was the push side of your heart. They took that valve out. So which also makes me think which valve now has got the blockage. Would it be the receiving valve?

1:14:48 Adam Well, all right. He's talking about transposition of the great vessels, which means you have an artery going out to the lungs and an artery going out to your body, the aorta. And in certain cardiac anomalies, they switch. They're hooked up the wrong way.

1:15:04 Drew Yeah.

1:15:04 Adam So you got to re-hook them. You got to immediately switch it back over.

1:15:08 Drew Isn't that the kind of thing that would kill you at birth?

1:15:11 Adam Very quickly. But if they recognize it quickly enough, you can think.

1:15:14 Drew So you got open-heart surgery when you were two weeks old?

1:15:17 Caller Eleven months old. I had my first closed heart. I had holes between the inside chambers.

1:15:23 Adam Because that was the way he was able to survive was there's mixing. So he had what's called a ventricular septal defect.

1:15:30 Caller Born blue.

1:15:31 Adam And so there would be stuff coming in un-oxygenated. And some would go back to the lungs and some would go out forward to the body. But it would be enough oxygenation to keep him going. Wow.

1:15:43 Drew So you want to know how long you're going to live?

1:15:46 Caller What my chances of survival?

1:15:47 Adam What did they tell you? What did the chest surgeons tell you?

1:15:50 Caller They said there should be no problem.

1:15:52 Adam I would agree. These are surgeries, listen, valvular surgeries, there's sort of no age limitation on valvular surgery these days, they're so effective. And you can do them on 90 year olds and they come through. And you're talking about probably the aortic valve, plus the valve, one of the outflow valves, rather than the inflow, the tricuspid, or the mitral valves, which, and those even these days are being done without surgeries, those are being done.

1:16:14 Drew The mitral or the in valves?

1:16:16 Caller That's what I was wanting to know. Also the possibilities of the being done with non-invasive catheters.

1:16:22 Adam No, unlikely. And again, the question is, are they going to repair the valve or replace the valve? And they're getting more and more towards repair, but listen, these are surgeries that are done very commonly now, and the outcomes are extremely good.

1:16:36 Drew Did you say the mitral were the in ones?

1:16:38 Adam Mitral is the in, yeah.

1:16:40 Drew Hey, Charles.

1:16:41 Adam Why is it bothering you? Mitral, it's like a mitral cap, like it's like the Pope's cap.

1:16:47 Drew Uh-huh, he wears the mitral hat. And mital, that's something else, that's for post-period, pre-period stuff. Charles? Yes, sir? Yeah, I'm no heart surgeon, but I'm thinking like a good plumber, and I'm thinking they need to put an access opening in your chest. Why get the rib spread around, cut the skin each time, and they can just flap that little access open and get to your ball valves. All right. It sounds all right. I mean, it doesn't sound great.

1:17:16 Adam No, you're going to be fine.

1:17:17 Drew But you'll be fine.

1:17:18 Caller Right on, that's encouraging. Thank you, guys.

1:17:20 Drew We'll keep our fingers crossed.

1:17:22 Caller And pray.

1:17:22 Drew All right, I'll pray.

1:17:23 Caller I was wondering what's the chance to get in a surgery like that televised?

1:17:27 Adam I wouldn't know.

1:17:28 Drew 50-50.

1:17:29 Adam Man Show probably would do a bit about it, wouldn't you think?

1:17:31 Drew Yeah, how dare you with who? You want me to pray for you or not? Why do you want to get it televised?

1:17:41 I don't know, in case I don't make it.

1:17:42 Adam Same impulse that caused him to call us tonight. But listen, if after it's all done, let us know. Call us back.

1:17:47 Drew Okay. Juan is calling in. He's 22. He has an answer as to why good Mexican food was destroyed with that goddamn sour cream, although Drew enjoys it.

1:18:01 Adam Yes.

1:18:03 Drew Juan?

1:18:03 Hey, what's going on?

1:18:05 Drew Hey, Juan, you're 22. What's happening?

1:18:07 Caller Yeah, I haven't answered your question.

1:18:09 Drew All right.

1:18:10 Caller Well, basically, we actually have a cream that we put on our food. It's not sour cream. And that's what I said the same thing. What the hell is this that they're putting on our food?

1:18:23 Drew What do you Mexicans put on your food?

1:18:25 Caller It's actually, it's a cream. I'm not sure how it's made, but it's a totally different type of cream, more smooth. And it's good. It's actually good with our tacos and our meat and everything. And sour cream just, oh man, it's nasty. I don't know how people eat that.

1:18:43 Drew No, white trash. That's what it is right there. My Chicano brother.

1:18:49 Caller You can get that at these small grocery stores that they either make it themselves or they bring it from Mexico.

1:18:57 Drew Yeah. Well, they got, if you live in LA or in Texas or Arizona, you'll probably find some nice, they got those Mexican stores. You know what I love? My favorite thing about the Mexican stores is, especially in the butcher department, they got the pig.

1:19:14 Adam The whole thing.

1:19:15 Drew Yeah, they got the whole thing, but no, the drawing up in front of the Mexican butcher.

1:19:19 Adam Yeah.

1:19:20 Drew It ain't a pig, it's Mr. Pig. Mr. Pig, he's wearing an apron, and he's chasing Mrs. Chicken around with an ax.

1:19:28 Adam Yeah, or with a cleaver.

1:19:31 Caller Yeah.

1:19:33 Drew And yeah, and there's Mrs. Cow over there, and she's on the lamb, too, because Mr. Pig has gone off with the cleaver, and I think, jeez, I don't know, drawing a mustache on a pig when I'm going to go in there and buy some pork chops.

1:19:49 Adam Nice chef hat on the pig, too.

1:19:51 Drew Putting a chef hat on the guy in a barbecue apron, pair of wingtip shoes. Not a great angle for me. I don't want to question their culture, but as an American, I like to think of, see, that's why we call a pig, that's why we call it pork. We don't even want to think pig. We don't want to call it Mr. Pig.

1:20:11 Adam Right.

1:20:12 Drew I don't want to think about Charlotte's Web while I'm eating some pork chops. Yeah, it's interesting. They're very, very lively over there. Yeah, you go in there and you get that nice stomach intestine and all that kind of stuff.

1:20:23 Adam Mm-hmm, tripe.

1:20:24 Drew I'll tell you, Mexicans know how to eat, but they must die of a heart failure at like in their mid-30s.

1:20:30 Adam With all the fat.

1:20:31 Drew I mean, do they? Has anyone done a study on that?

1:20:34 Adam They have a lot of heart disease, yeah.

1:20:36 Drew It's just beef, beef and more beef, cheese on everything. Everything's got cheese, you know, it's just fat and I mean, don't they? I never hear about those studies. When I hear about them doing the studies on Eskimos and Japanese, what do they got on the Mexicans? I bet they're going early.

1:20:53 Adam I don't know.

1:20:54 Drew Stephanie?

1:20:55 Caller Yeah.

1:20:55 Drew Year 19?

1:20:56 Caller Yeah.

1:20:57 Drew What's up?

1:20:58 Caller I had a question about orgasms. All right. Like, during sex, I have a hard time getting them. Like, I don't get them very often from my partners that I've had sex with before.

1:21:09 Adam During intercourse, you mean?

1:21:10 Caller Right. And I was wondering, like, why that is, or like...

1:21:15 Adam Well, you're 19. The majority of 19-year-olds don't have orgasm during, 19-year-old females don't have orgasm during sex. Really? Yeah.

1:21:22 Drew What about during oral sex?

1:21:25 Caller Nothing at all.

1:21:26 Drew Ooh.

1:21:26 Caller It turns you off.

1:21:28 Adam It turns you off. Were you sexually or physically abused at all?

1:21:33 Caller Um, when I was four and when I was in gender high.

1:21:38 Caller Okay.

1:21:39 Adam Because did you say something about needing rough sex?

1:21:42 Caller Yeah.

1:21:43 Adam And that need for high levels of stimulation... See, I bet if she hadn't been abused, she'd be one of these people that could orgasm during intercourse. But somehow that sort of created a need for high levels of arousal in order for it to happen. So it burned out the arousal system. And now she needs high levels of arousal, but it's still only during intercourse that the proper arousal occurs.

1:22:06 Caller Well, it's kind of sucky because then I'm like really irritated down there and it like burns when I urinate.

1:22:13 Drew Who molested you?

1:22:15 Caller When I was little, the pastor's daughter at my church played with me.

1:22:21 Drew How old was she?

1:22:23 Caller She was around my age. And then my sister's fiancé like took advantage of me.

1:22:32 Drew What did he do? Did he have sex with you?

1:22:35 Caller No, but he forced himself on me. Not like, he didn't have sex, but he like...

1:22:39 Adam Came on to you.

1:22:40 Caller Yeah, everything else but that.

1:22:42 Drew Well, you had oral sex with him?

1:22:45 Caller Yeah.

1:22:46 Drew This is your sister's fiancé.

1:22:48 Adam Did she eventually marry him?

1:22:50 Caller No, I actually confronted her about it like five years later. And she didn't dump him, but she thought that I had like seduced him or something. Oof. Yeah. Yeah.

1:23:01 Drew You got a pretty whacked out family, don't you?

1:23:03 Caller Yeah. No, it's not too bad.

1:23:05 Drew Yeah. It is kind of bad though.

1:23:07 Caller I guess. Okay, yeah.

1:23:08 Drew Yeah.

1:23:10 Adam Yeah, you're right.

1:23:11 Drew I always wonder where these guys get the balls.

1:23:14 Caller I know.

1:23:15 Drew I mean, they're engaged. How much older is your sister than you?

1:23:18 Caller She's five years. And he's like three or four years older than her.

1:23:22 Adam Eight years older than this girl.

1:23:23 Drew Your sister's 18. He's 21.

1:23:26 Caller And he like also molested my best friend.

1:23:29 Adam Oh.

1:23:30 Caller Yeah. I don't know. I told her, I was like, if you want, if you don't believe me, you know, you can talk to Lindsey. And she's like, no. She's like, I don't know. She was really stunned by the whole thing. It wasn't worth it to her to.

1:23:43 Drew She get rid of this guy eventually.

1:23:45 Caller No, it wasn't worth it.

1:23:46 Drew So she did.

1:23:48 Caller She didn't do it. She stayed with him.

1:23:51 Adam She's still with him?

1:23:52 Caller Yeah.

1:23:53 Adam Oh, my God.

1:23:53 Drew Do they have kids?

1:23:54 Caller No, no, no.

1:23:56 Drew Good. I hope this guy's sack gets caught in some heavy piece of equipment.

1:24:01 Caller Yeah, they have a hard time with monogamy.

1:24:04 Adam Both of them. That's why your sister's with them.

1:24:06 Drew What's up with your screw? Your family's a mess, right?

1:24:10 Caller Um, my parents are not too bad.

1:24:12 Drew Something's up. Why would your sister get involved with this felon?

1:24:17 Caller I don't know. She thinks she can't do better. I have no idea.

1:24:20 Adam What's your dad do for a living?

1:24:22 Caller He is a... he's like a carpenter, but he does like the work for the city.

1:24:28 Drew Yeah. The lowest breed of slime. Maintenance guys. Yeah, the journeymen carpenters make fun of the maintenance guys.

1:24:37 Adam Oh, is that right?

1:24:38 Drew Yeah. Maintenance guys. It's a jack of all trades, a master of none. That's what that maintenance guy is. Maintenance guys are bad carpenters. They just basically put band-aids on everything. Just imagine the huevos on the dude, though. He's engaged. He's going to have a pass at the 13-year-old. It's not like she's mute. You know what I mean? Chicks in the seventh grade.

1:25:03 Adam Yeah, she goes. She could...

1:25:05 Drew You'd be fully expecting you to have a pass at her, force yourself at her, and before you made it home, she'd spout it off to mom and sister.

1:25:13 Adam Here's the strange reality.

1:25:14 Drew Where does that come in?

1:25:15 Adam Here's the really bizarre reality. If you or I took a pass at someone, an adult...

1:25:19 Drew We'd be doing time. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Lightning round. That's right, kiddies. Lightning round. We'll be back.

1:25:57 Caller You're right. Good old Dr. Drew!

1:26:13 Drew This is a love live right now, smack down in the middle of the line, and around the fastest 9 minutes of radio. Let's check the time real bad. It's 11.49 in 10 seconds. That's 10 minutes and 50 seconds away from the top of the hour.

1:26:25 Caller Right now, I'm trying out the windchime.

1:26:27 Drew And right in the middle of the line, around. Let's go to the phone, see if we can get out some of the youth of America. I don't know what I'm saying, but I love you, David, Jim.

1:26:37 Adam Jim?

1:26:38 Drew Hey, what up? How are you? Jim? Hell, I was, uh, checked time again real fast here, Drew, I had a Jim over there, I was smoking the weed. It's 1149 and 40 seconds. That's 10 minutes and 20 seconds away from the top of the hour. Mike?

1:27:07 Caller Hello?

1:27:07 Drew Mike, you're 25. You're having a ride around Ace Rockolla and we get a ride in Dr. Drew.

1:27:12 Adam What's up, Mike?

1:27:16 Caller When me and my wife are having a course, she tears.

1:27:18 Adam She tears.

1:27:19 Drew She tears.

1:27:21 Adam Why does she tear? Why?

1:27:26 Caller It's how does she tears? She I don't see I guess when we have intercourse, she tears to the point to where we can't. Sometimes we have to stop having sex.

1:27:39 Drew I tell you there, Mike, I never torn myself a woman. I take that as a compliment right there. You don't got a, you don't got a chance.

1:27:46 Caller You got a wrecking ball.

1:27:51 Drew That's good time. Let me check the timer. 1150 in 40 seconds. That's nine minutes in 20 seconds. Way at the top of the hour. Straight up by the midnight.

1:27:59 Adam Are you just saying that you irritate her so much that towards the back there where the sort of back of the opening is, it starts getting irritating and feeling like it's tearing?

1:28:08 Caller Well, to me, it don't feel like it's tearing, but to her, it does.

1:28:13 Adam It's not tearing, okay? Now, let's just say...

1:28:15 Drew Yeah, but Mike, why don't you get a little lubrication on there?

1:28:19 Caller I've done that. I mean, I went down there and I gave her, or I've orally pleased her to the point where she's just dripping.

1:28:26 Drew Yeah, I know, but I'm saying, well, Mike...

1:28:30 Adam That's your saliva that's dripping all over the place.

1:28:31 Drew You can go down on your engine block, too. That don't mean you ain't going to throw a rut. You know what I'm saying? You got to put some oil in that crank shaft.

1:28:41 Caller Okay. All right, I'm going to do that.

1:28:42 Caller Let's hop on the jet real fast now.

1:28:44 Drew It is 1151 in 30 seconds. That's eight minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the hour. Straight up smack dab in the middle of the road. Fast as eight and a half minutes. This is a good part of it. Dr. Drew, let me tell you something. He is passionate. Passionate. Passionate man. And he is hot, hot, hot. William! William has turned the radio down. This is how an Adam Carolla, William, takes a chance to turn the radio down and hop back on the phone. But before we do, before we judge him, Bryan, I'm an Air 32 years old, Line 5 call from Dallas, Texas. Let's check the time. It's 11 52 and 10 seconds. That's seven minutes and 50 seconds away from the top of the hour. Straight up. You got the fastest eight and a half minutes right now.

1:29:29 Caller Bryan, Bryan is 32.

1:29:31 Drew What's going on there, brother man?

1:29:33 Caller Hey, what's up? I have a question for Drew. I only want to date people that are women. I'm sorry, I'm totally, totally hetero. Women that are of a different race than me.

1:29:46 Adam Which one, which race?

1:29:47 Drew Drew, what is that?

1:29:48 Adam What race?

1:29:49 Caller It really doesn't matter as long as, you know, they're different from me.

1:29:52 Adam What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that?

1:29:55 Caller I mean, if there's, you know, I hear there's some kind of self-hatred or something.

1:29:59 Drew No, I don't know what I'm gonna have. What are you there, Bryan? What are you gonna have?

1:30:04 Caller I'm black.

1:30:05 Drew You're a black man and you like the white ladies and the Asian ladies and the Chicano ladies, huh?

1:30:11 Caller Yeah, well, that seems to be what I have the most luck with.

1:30:14 Drew Yeah, all right, well, that's your thing.

1:30:16 Adam Good times. Well, it's not even that you're so much pursuing them, it's that those are the ones you have success with and you're happy with that and enjoy. Not a problem.

1:30:26 Caller I don't care.

1:30:27 Drew Give it a reel in the house. Once you go bludgeoning, let's check the time real fast. It's 1153 and 30 seconds. That's six minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the hour. The witching hour. Let's hop back on the phone. You're smack dabbing in the light. But check time.

1:30:54 Adam Go to break.

1:30:55 Drew Go to break. Hey, I want to give a big Loveline shout out to our phone screener, Sarah. This is her last night. She's done a stellar, stellar work for us over the last year. She's a delight. Always quick with the coffee and a smile, a joke and a pat on the back, and we're going to miss her very, very much.

1:31:27 Adam That's true.

1:31:28 Drew She's a passionate, passionate woman. But I know she'll have a great career wherever she goes. I said that the first time I met her.

1:31:36 Adam Oh, really?

1:31:36 Drew Yes. I stand by that.

1:31:38 Adam It means that.

1:31:39 Drew Yes. All right. So we will miss Sarah.

1:31:42 Adam And you gave her parents a great compliment.

1:31:44 Drew Yes. They did a good job with her. Possibly too good.

1:31:47 Caller She's a little cocky.

1:31:50 Drew Someone's got to bring her down there.

1:31:52 Caller All right.

1:31:52 Drew So Anderson, a great job as usual. Engineer Anderson, producer and Lauren on the phone screening detail too as well. Give a shout out to her. And until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. And whatever you feel is whatever you feel.

1:32:09 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, but the management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, April 26, 2001