Episode 1000754887075

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Voiceover Yep, it is Loveline. I am Adam. That is Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, we can help you. We will hear the Dr. Drew boogie tonight.

1:29 Oh.

1:29 Adam Because we did promise it to a caller a couple nights ago and then forgot all about it.

1:34 Drew How did you remember that?

1:37 Adam I don't know.

1:38 Okay.

1:39 Adam I got home that night and I thought, geez, we're supposed to play that. And then a little bit later the next day, it bothered me.

1:45 Drew That was the Pennywise night. I think we were just glad to have gotten through that.

1:48 Adam Right. We were happy to make it out in one piece. But still, I don't like when someone calls in one something and then we don't do it. Unless it's entertainment.

1:58 Well, in that case, yeah.

1:59 Adam Game off, game off. All right. So you're ready to go here, Drew?

2:02 Let's go.

2:03 Adam Matt?

2:04 Yeah.

2:04 Adam You're 15?

2:05 Caller Yep.

2:06 Adam What's up?

2:07 Caller I was just wondering how you guys felt about premarital sex.

2:09 Adam Fine.

2:10 Drew In what way? What do you mean?

2:13 Best Of Well, do you guys say have sex before you're married or just go all out?

2:19 Drew Pretty much everyone does.

2:21 Adam The guys should. The girls shouldn't.

2:22 Drew Pretty much everyone does. It's relatively unusual that somebody makes it all the way until marriage.

2:30 Adam Listen, we don't really treat married or unmarried. We just treat whether you're in a relationship.

2:35 Drew And how old you are.

2:36 Adam Things are stable.

2:37 Drew Yes, how stable you are.

2:38 Adam You're not acting out.

2:39 Drew You're casting a play or not. Some people, their relationships are just a play that they've cast to reenact old traumas. But if you're 18, you're in a stable relationship, most countries in the world, at least Western European countries, Western countries, would consider it a normal part of an 18-year-old relationship to grow into a physical relationship.

2:58 Adam And it could be younger. But also, we'd rather you do that than get married at 17 and a half.

3:05 Drew In order to have sex.

3:06 Adam Right.

3:07 Drew And what I think is clear is that people, their brain development is such that not able to handle the experiences associated with and the decisions associated with having sex before the age of 16.

3:19 Adam Matt, you're a virgin?

3:21 Caller Yes.

3:21 Adam You're religious?

3:22 Caller Yeah.

3:23 Best Of Yeah, that's why I was kind of asking.

3:25 I'm pretty religious.

3:26 Caller I mean, I've had sexual experiences and things, but you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

3:32 Drew What? Those were technicalities.

3:33 Adam What have you had?

3:35 Best Of Well, I got a hand job.

3:36 Drew Huh.

3:37 Adam That's nice. What was the guy's name?

3:40 No.

3:41 Best Of It was a girl, actually.

3:42 Adam I see. Drew, never got a hand job in my life.

3:45 Drew In your life?

3:46 Adam In my life.

3:47 Drew Good times.

3:49 Adam Yeah, good times. Not for my penis. It's BJ or nothing. Yeah, that's my motto now.

3:55 Drew That's usually what you tell when you meet them?

3:57 Adam That's right. First date. Hey, Matt?

4:00 Yeah?

4:01 Adam You have a girl now?

4:02 Best Of No, I don't.

4:03 I was just, I mean, I don't really see it that you need a girl.

4:05 Best Of I mean, you go out and pick somebody up that's hot and, you know, you go for it, whatever.

4:09 Drew Oh, Matt.

4:10 Adam No.

4:12 Drew What's up with you, Matt?

4:14 Adam I thought you were religious.

4:15 Drew Yeah, I thought you were religious.

4:16 Oh, I am, but I mean, I'm not like, oh, praise the Lord. Thank you.

4:20 Drew Why don't you stay focused on A, not hurting other people and B, doing what's healthy. And it doesn't sound like you're going down either of those paths right now. So.

4:29 Ricky?

4:30 Yeah.

4:31 Adam You're 17?

4:32 Caller Yeah, I was wondering if a bong water showed up on a drug test.

4:35 Drew If you drank it?

4:36 Caller Yeah, I drank it.

4:37 Drew Yes, it would.

4:38 Adam And also, if you spill it on the actual drug test, I think it might come back positive.

4:41 Drew Yeah, it goes into the urine, sure.

4:43 Yeah.

4:44 Drew But you know, you can eat pot, you can drink pot. I mean, it's many ways you can get into your system.

4:48 Adam Yeah, but bong water doesn't have a ton of weed in it, does it?

4:52 Drew I don't know.

4:52 I didn't get high off it.

4:54 Adam Why did you drink it then?

4:55 Well, I was just trying to.

4:57 Drew Trying to get high.

4:58 Best Of I had nothing else.

4:59 Adam Why don't you just whack yourself over the head with the bong? You get a little buzz.

5:02 Best Of I tried that afterwards.

5:03 Drew How do you figure if you're getting high, it's not going to show up in your urine?

5:06 Adam He didn't get high.

5:08 Drew Yeah, but he was trying to. What was the logic you went through?

5:11 Caller I just walk around trying to.

5:14 Drew Do you understand my question, Ricky?

5:15 Caller No.

5:17 Adam All right. Forget the question. Can't you scrape resins like a good 17-year-old?

5:21 Drew No. He doesn't want the drug to show up in a urine test.

5:25 Adam Yeah, I know that's what his question is. But I'm saying to him, he wants to get high. He's drinking bong water like a retard.

5:30 Drew Yeah, because it had the magical high ingredient with nothing that would show up in the urine. If you're taking something that makes you high, it's going to show up in your urine.

5:39 Best Of But I didn't get high.

5:40 Adam Okay, so it won't show up. So what are you testing for?

5:43 Best Of For a job.

5:44 Adam I see.

5:44 Drew Shocked.

5:45 Adam Interesting.

5:45 Drew Write that down.

5:46 Adam Job. What kind of job?

5:49 Caller Grocery store.

5:50 Adam They really do that at grocery stores these days, huh?

5:54 Caller Yeah.

5:54 Adam And you have a problem with pot?

5:57 No.

5:57 Adam You have a problem getting it, though.

5:59 Caller That's true.

6:01 Drew Well, you seem to have a problem with it, right?

6:03 Yeah.

6:05 Drew You have such difficult to giving it up that you can't pass a planned drug test.

6:09 Adam Well, it's not like he mainlined the bong water, Drew. He just drank it. All right, Ricky, you've learned a valuable lesson, okay? How old was the bong water?

6:21 Caller Oh, I don't know. A couple weeks.

6:23 Adam Yeah. God knows what was floating around in there.

6:26 Yeah.

6:26 Adam Okay. So here's the deal. No more drinking bong water, right?

6:32 Caller All right.

6:32 Adam All right. And what about resin? Don't you guys scrape for those anymore?

6:37 Caller No. Yeah.

6:39 Caller That sounds like too much work.

6:40 Adam Oh. Yeah.

6:41 Drew It's too high.

6:42 Adam Why scrape for resins when you can drink right out of the bong? Tina?

6:46 Caller Yeah.

6:47 Adam You're 26?

6:48 Caller Yep.

6:48 Adam What's up?

6:49 Caller I need some advice on what I should do with my boyfriend.

6:53 Caller All right.

6:54 Caller First of all, I met him when he was in rehab. He was not working. Um, we started going out. We've been out together for now for about two years.

7:04 Drew Wait a minute. That means you were in rehab, too?

7:06 Caller No, I wasn't. He was. I used to work at a bar and, um, where he was staying at, they used to let him out on weekend passes. And of course they came to the bar and that's how I met him.

7:17 Drew Wait a minute. Addiction rehab?

7:20 Caller Yeah. He got out of jail early and attended this rehab. It kind of shortened his sentence by going to rehab.

7:28 Drew Yeah. Didn't you think perhaps there was something wrong with him when he was going into the bar on a weekend pass?

7:34 Caller Well, I didn't know that he was in rehab. I knew he lived in this house. A bunch of guys lived in this house and I didn't know there was a rehab until I asked myself, what do you guys do here? Because it was run like a business. Yeah.

7:47 Drew And then didn't you say, hey, you're drinking.

7:50 Caller Yeah, I knew about that.

7:52 Adam All right. So you've been with this guy for two years.

7:54 Drew Pina's dad has to have been an alcoholic. Has to have been.

7:57 Adam Was your dad an alcoholic?

7:59 Caller My dad? My father is part of the family.

8:03 Drew Has to have been. So what you're looking for is an addict. It's so funny, when codependents go out and look for that person, they want them in their contained addiction phase. You know, if Pina were to take now her boyfriend to treatment, just get him back the way he was when he was lurking around outside the rehab drinking. That's the kind of alcoholic I want.

8:21 Caller But one thing is he's very hard headed. The current problem we have now is he's on probation and part of his probation is that he has to have a full time job.

8:32 Drew What's he on probation for?

8:33 Caller Drug possession.

8:34 Adam Hey, Tina, are you missing a leg or some teeth or grotesquely overweight? What's up with you? You can't just find a regular guy with a regular job who loves you? Is there something physically wrong with you?

8:50 Caller I don't think so.

8:51 Drew No, she has to have an alcoholic, a raging alcoholic like that.

8:54 Adam How about you go to Al-Anon and drop this guy?

8:57 Drew Yeah, don't even...

8:58 Caller Okay, there's one more thing. We had a baby in...

9:02 Adam No, I was going to say if you tell me you guys had a kid, I was going to fly out to Arizona and hit you with a guitar on the head.

9:09 Drew Kabong.

9:09 Adam El-Kabong. What's that?

9:12 Caller That's our... Well, the baby's not the problem. It's just...

9:15 Drew Of course not. That's an incidental issue. No problem there.

9:18 Adam Listen, that kid...

9:19 Drew It's a boy or a girl?

9:20 Adam You should put him in a wicker basket and send him down the Nile like Moses. He'd have a better chance. Screw balls. Alright, so now you got someone else to screw up. How about you don't screw the kid up anymore, you get out of this relationship?

9:35 Drew Here's what you do. Go to Al-Anon. We're not going to tell you what to do, except go to Al-Anon. You figure it out with a sponsor there, okay? That's what you do.

9:43 Adam Hey, Tina, it's not your decision anymore. It's for your kid. You understand? You don't have a choice. You go to Al-Anon.

9:52 Drew Yeah, exactly. If you get better in Al-Anon, if you start getting into codependency recovery, he will freak out and it may actually force him to actually do something, to actually change, and that would be the best thing for your child. Not just leaving him so you can go find another alcoholic, devil as a boyfriend, which is what you'll do if you don't go to Al-Anon.

10:10 Adam All right. Al-Anon, right, Tina?

10:13 Drew 12 steps. There you go.

10:14 Adam That's it. That's the advice.

10:16 Drew Enjoy.

10:16 Adam We'll see you there.

10:18 Drew All right.

10:20 Adam Hey, Tina, I'm sorry you got cramped on growing up, but that doesn't give you the opportunity or the right to cramp on another life, which is your young kid who then becomes society's problem.

10:30 Drew You got to do the work.

10:31 Adam You're 26. You got your wits about you. Now start doing your goddamn work, all right? Idiots.

10:37 Drew That's funny.

10:38 Adam Ah, screw all you.

10:42 Caller Roya?

10:43 Hi.

10:43 Adam You're 15.

10:45 Caller Yeah.

10:45 Adam What's up?

10:46 Caller My friend, she's anorexic and her step-mom knows about it, but her step-mom won't do anything about it.

10:53 Drew Where's her real mom?

10:55 I'm not sure.

10:56 Caller I think she like left when she was a kid or something and her dad died.

11:00 Drew Oh, so she only has the step-mom?

11:03 Yeah.

11:05 Caller And her step-mom is just like, well, it's your life. You know, you will learn your lessons yourself for something. Oh, boy.

11:13 Adam This is, is this your best friend?

11:15 Caller Oh, it's a really close friend of mine.

11:18 Adam And what is she? Is she throwing up every day?

11:22 Caller Well, she just is always on diet pills and she like never eats.

11:28 Adam Why don't you talk to a school counselor about it?

11:31 Caller Well, I would, but I'm out of school.

11:33 Drew How are you out of school?

11:34 Adam Well, the summer, right? You out for the summer? Or do you get to go back next semester?

11:41 Caller Uh, next semester?

11:43 Adam Yeah.

11:43 Caller School doesn't start until like August or September.

11:47 Adam Right. I mean, you didn't get thrown out or anything, right?

11:50 No.

11:51 Adam You graduated the ninth grade?

11:53 Caller Yes.

11:54 Adam Okay. Going on to the tenth?

11:56 Caller Yep.

11:57 Adam Good times? Okay. Now who can she talk to? I'm asking you, Drew.

12:04 Drew The mom's going to have to be involved in this.

12:06 Adam Really? Why?

12:07 Drew How else can I pull it off otherwise, unless you want to go to some OA and OVD, just anonymous type community meeting. But have you tried to talk to the mom?

12:17 Caller Yeah. I've confronted the mom about it and her mom is just like, it's not my kid. I don't really have to worry about it or something like that.

12:25 Caller What?

12:26 Adam How about you convince her to go to an OA meeting?

12:29 Caller All right.

12:30 Drew This suddenly sounds bogus to me.

12:32 Adam Really? All right.

12:33 Drew It's not my kid? What does that mean?

12:35 Caller Well, she's just like, well, I mean, it's not her birth child. She's just...

12:40 Drew She explicitly said that? This is not...

12:42 Caller Well, she's an alcoholic.

12:44 Adam Okay.

12:45 Drew Well, how about get her to Al-Nun then? That's Alateen. That's someplace she can go get some support and maybe get on the road. Alateen, you can go with her because you've got some co-dependency issues yourself, so... All right.

12:55 Adam Good times.

12:55 Caller Thanks for taking my call.

12:56 Adam Thank you for calling.

12:58 Caller Okay.

12:58 Caller All right.

12:59 Caller Bye.

12:59 Adam Take care of yourself.

13:01 Caller All right.

13:01 Adam Everyone, go to Al and On, Alateen.

13:04 Drew I think it starts with Al. Alpha Beta. What? Albertsons?

13:08 Adam Go to Al Capone's vault.

13:09 Drew Al Capone.

13:10 Alcatraz.

13:12 Adam Nicole?

13:13 Hi.

13:13 Adam You're 14?

13:14 Caller Yeah.

13:14 Adam What's up, sister?

13:17 Best Of I have a crush on, like, my really good friend.

13:19 Adam Uh-huh.

13:20 Best Of And I want to get with him so bad. Like, I just want to be his girlfriend, but I don't know how.

13:24 Caller I want to get with him.

13:25 Adam Can you turn down whatever's going on in the background, please?

13:28 Best Of Yeah.

13:29 Adam Idiot.

13:29 Okay.

13:30 Best Of Sorry.

13:30 Adam Okay. She wasn't supposed to hear the idiot part.

13:32 Drew I'm on the crew.

13:33 Sorry.

13:34 Adam Okay.

13:34 Drew Uh, Nicole, he probably isn't into... Oh, Drew... .that kind of relationship.

13:39 Adam Don't burst your bubble. Maybe he is.

13:40 Best Of Well, he has a girlfriend right now.

13:42 Drew Yeah.

13:43 Adam I mean, it's not you, right?

13:44 Best Of Right.

13:45 Drew Therefore, he's not into that kind of relationship.

13:48 Adam Well, not with her. How long have you been friends with him?

13:51 Best Of Um, like three months since I moved out of California.

13:53 Adam And what got you two together?

13:56 Best Of Uh, we ran into each other in the hallway.

13:58 Drew And you were really attracted to him?

14:00 Best Of Well, I just thought he was really cute.

14:02 Drew As opposed to being really attracted, okay?

14:04 Adam Right. You just thought he was really cute.

14:05 Drew Okay. And thought, oh, and then when he wouldn't respond, well, I'll be his friend anyway.

14:10 Adam Well, yeah, what did he do? What happened?

14:12 Best Of Um, like when we met, we just started hanging out as friends. Like, I didn't tell, he doesn't know that I like him.

14:18 Drew Yeah, that's the point.

14:19 Adam Did he have a girlfriend at the time? He did.

14:22 Best Of He's had a girlfriend the whole time I've known him.

14:24 Adam He's always had one.

14:26 Drew You never know. Sometimes it could be a bullpen.

14:28 Adam What does she think about hanging out, you know, the girlfriend, think about him hanging out with you?

14:34 Best Of She didn't really think much of it. She thinks it's pretty cool.

14:37 Drew We wouldn't consider that a good sign.

14:38 Best Of But like, she doesn't. We talk.

14:41 Drew Most women have kind of a spidey sense when there's a potential competitor around.

14:44 Adam Yeah, it tingles. Nicole?

14:47 Best Of Yeah?

14:49 Adam This friend, the girlfriend, is your age too?

14:52 Best Of Yeah.

14:53 Adam Goes to the same school?

14:54 Best Of No.

14:55 She goes to the same school.

14:56 Adam Interesting. Out of the picture. How often do those two see each other?

15:00 Best Of Uh, like twice a week.

15:02 Adam Does she live in town?

15:03 Best Of Yeah.

15:04 Adam Mm-hmm. And she's got no problem with you?

15:07 Best Of No.

15:09 Adam That could be good and it could be bad. I mean, she should perceive you as a little bit of a threat.

15:15 Drew Right.

15:16 Adam Maybe he's convinced her otherwise or maybe Nicole's not threatening looking or doesn't have that vibe to her.

15:21 Drew Yeah. And she doesn't see him responding to her.

15:24 Adam How about you float this one? We haven't done this one a while.

15:27 Best Of Okay.

15:28 Adam What if you say to him, look, I'm glad to be your friend and I'd like to continue being your friend, but you know, I also have an interest in you. And I understand you're in a relationship, but I'm just giving you some notice and if, you know, I don't want to break you two up, but if things go south, then maybe we'll go out, see a movie.

15:46 Best Of Well, yeah, my friend was talking to him and he said that he thinks I'm hot, but you know, I don't know. I don't want to break them up.

15:53 Drew No, you just put him on notice. Put him on notice. That's all. That's it. And if he's interested, he'll respond. If he's not, he ain't.

16:02 Adam Okay. Okay. But listen, don't get into that thing where he gives you some finger banging in the back of a parked car and then goes back to her.

16:10 Drew Yeah. All right. You got to finish that one up first.

16:12 Adam You don't put out. Yeah.

16:14 Best Of I love you.

16:15 Adam I'm loving you, baby.

16:16 Drew Is Adam Corolla on your shoes?

16:18 Best Of Yeah.

16:18 Adam Oh, nice.

16:19 Best Of No, I got a picture off the Internet and I like put it on my wall.

16:22 Adam Sweet.

16:23 Drew Oh, my God. Doesn't scare your friends?

16:25 Best Of No.

16:26 Adam 14, man. Just a couple years older. I'd be all over that. They had a little sum 41 for you, Nicole. Yeah, she loves them.

16:36 Caller Is this that riff you like? Is this it?

16:40 Adam Yeah, this is the riff. What do you think?

16:43 Drew I imagine they have other riffs. I'm just asking if this is the one you like.

16:46 Adam One riff wonder. I see this video on MTV. It's a good video. You don't see it, Anderson. You don't like it. Anderson's a snob over there. We'll make sure and tell the band you put that puss on when I said that.

17:00 Drew Charlotte.

17:01 Caller Hi.

17:02 Adam What's up?

17:04 Caller The other day, I left my swimsuit at my boyfriend's house.

17:07 Drew Your swimsuit?

17:08 Caller Yeah, because he has a hot tub. I was thinking just bringing it over and I have a couple of them. So I left one there. I went to his house yesterday to surprise visit him. I walked in his room and he was wearing it and he was masturbating. Oh boy.

17:22 Adam Sweet.

17:23 Caller He had hit out through the leg. It was erect and he was masturbating and it was so weird.

17:30 Adam That's love.

17:31 Caller I don't know what to say to him. Then today when I went over there, he didn't have a shirt on and I could see the elastic mark that he had been wearing it again.

17:38 Did he know that you saw tan lines on him?

17:43 Drew Did he know that you saw him?

17:45 Caller I saw him the first time.

17:46 Drew The first time. Does he know that you saw him?

17:48 Caller Yeah.

17:49 Drew How did he react?

17:50 Caller He was like, oh my God. He didn't really say anything.

17:54 Drew Then what? You went out to the movies afterwards? How did that go down?

17:59 Caller I left the room for him to put his clothes back on and we just like hung out for the rest of the day.

18:04 Drew Didn't you have a weird feeling the rest of the day?

18:06 Caller Yeah. When I went and saw him today, it was kind of awkward. I mean, I want to say something, like ask him not to do that and stretch it out, but it's like really weird to be around him. Like it's weird when he tries to kiss me and be close.

18:21 Adam Yeah.

18:21 Caller It's kind of awkward because I keep thinking, oh my God, he wore my bathing suit.

18:26 Adam You probably got one of your tampons up him too. Hang on a second. I don't know what's wrong with these morons with the getting popped, masturbating.

18:36 Drew Under any circumstance.

18:37 Adam Here's the deal. I whack off, I lock the door. I whack off in a girlfriend's bikini, I put a player piano in front of the door.

18:44 Drew And paint the windows.

18:45 Adam Paint the windows, put up some plywood. Basically, I treat that room as if a hurricane was blowing into town.

18:55 Drew Right, right. There's got to be some voyeuristic need and all that. Then you think you can say those guys get caught all the time. Danger, they want to be seen.

19:03 Adam See if we can get one with the door open. But do they really want to be caught? I mean, not...

19:08 Drew I think they want to be seen.

19:10 Adam Well, that's being caught.

19:11 Drew You know what I mean? I don't think they do the logic quite that far. It's an impulse, you know what I mean?

19:16 Adam Right, but do you think it's a subconscious thing?

19:19 Drew Yeah, I do. It's an attitude. Because if anybody really didn't want to get caught, we'd be barricading the house.

19:25 Adam So was the door just open or did you walk in and open the door?

19:30 Caller It was locked, but it's one of the old locks where you just push the button in and you like turn it twice to the left and once to the right and it'll pop. You know? It was one of those and he was like, hold on, hold on. And I was like, what do I have to wait for? And I walked in and there he was. And it was really strange.

19:45 Adam Ball buster.

19:46 Caller Yeah.

19:47 Drew Notice how he didn't stop. He didn't dive into a...

19:50 Adam Well, he was probably scrambling a little, wasn't he?

19:53 Caller Yeah.

19:54 Adam He wasn't mid-stroke. Oh, that's going to leave scars.

19:57 Drew Me and her and Charlotte.

19:59 Adam You don't wear a thong back, do you?

20:01 Caller No, I didn't leave that one there.

20:03 Drew Good.

20:04 Adam Sweet, sweet. Oh man. And then you just sort of carried on. He didn't try to explain it?

20:11 Caller He didn't explain it. I just told him, I was like, guys do weird things sometimes. It's like, it's all right. I was only mad because he stretched it out, but it's still kind of awkward and I keep thinking about it.

20:22 Drew How's he otherwise?

20:24 Caller Other than he's really nice.

20:26 Adam Do you have sex with him?

20:27 Caller Yeah.

20:28 Drew How's that go?

20:29 Caller It's great.

20:31 Adam He puts on your cheerleading outfit and then he goes at it?

20:35 Caller No, but I was teasing him today. I was doing laundry and I grabbed my other swimsuit. I was like, come on, I'll play lifeguard.

20:41 He must love that.

20:43 Caller He kind of looked like he was in pain.

20:46 Adam And then was it the next day or later on in the week you saw him with the elastic?

20:51 Caller That was today I saw him with that. I caught him yesterday and I saw the marks today and I asked him about it and he was like, oh no, I was sitting on some wicker chair.

21:01 Adam Good comeback.

21:02 Caller No, I was like, I know how the elastic looks and the stitch lines and everything, my swimsuit.

21:08 Drew He wouldn't let go, he wouldn't let go.

21:09 Adam All right, but you don't sound thoroughly freaked out by it.

21:12 Caller Oh, but it's still weird, though.

21:14 Adam Yeah, it's a little weird. It's a little weird. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, when I was seven, well, let me make sure this, how old is this guy?

21:22 Caller He's 17.

21:23 Adam Yeah, when I was 17.

21:25 Drew No, don't tell me.

21:26 Adam I could have involved the bathing suit in some way, but I wouldn't put the top on. That's for goddamn sure. I may have looked at the bottoms a little. Did he have the top on? He had the top on too, yeah. Charlotte?

21:41 Caller Yeah.

21:41 Drew He had the top on too?

21:42 Best Of Yep, both pieces.

21:45 Adam You don't have a one-picer you could leave over there, give Ms. Dignity?

21:48 Caller I asked him if he wanted the one-piece, he said no.

21:51 Drew They're just incredible, incredible things that people do. To me, I flash to the guys pretending they're ponies that they've, S&M people act out with.

22:01 Adam Yeah.

22:02 Drew To me, this is that, this is that, what is that? What is that? There's somewhere in there there's some immense pain.

22:08 Adam Do you think so? I mean, are we making too much out of it?

22:11 Drew As you and I both know, these things don't exist as a separate solo process. You know what I'm saying? They're not just about the bathing suit. It's an integrated phenomenon, the rest of their person.

22:22 Adam Yeah.

22:22 Drew They may be great people.

22:23 Adam Top makes me nervous.

22:25 Drew They may be fine.

22:26 Adam I'm 17, I could have got a wild hair.

22:28 Drew And there's nothing wrong with them per se. But it still suggests that there's something very painful that they're sort of responding to.

22:36 Adam Yeah. I'm going to give this one a five on the crampo meter. Yeah.

22:40 Drew It doesn't mean he's a bad partner. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy. Nothing to do with the sexual orientation.

22:46 Adam I could overlook this one. You know why?

22:49 Drew Because you do.

22:50 Adam I love a bathing suit.

22:51 Drew You love a man in a bikini?

22:53 Adam I love a man in a smart two-piece. No, I like a woman in a bikini.

22:58 Drew Yeah.

22:59 Adam I know all guys do, but what I'm saying is, is there's some guys who'd like, you know, they're like a lingerie or they like a kind of stripper outfit.

23:07 Drew No, no, no.

23:07 Adam Like something a little trashier, a little naughtier.

23:10 Drew If you grew up in Southern California.

23:11 Adam Bikini. I mean, could you remember hitting the beach at 15, 16?

23:16 Drew Cool.

23:16 Adam And just watching them go by?

23:18 Drew Cool.

23:18 Adam You know, and especially when the oil comes out, you know, and it starts glistening, brown skin. You want to know what the best look is too? It's the bikini with the tennis shoes. Not the bikini and those big novelty stripper wedgies, big chunks of lucite.

23:38 Drew It's the Vans.

23:38 Adam I'm talking, no, better than Vans. You know, it used to be hot and this is, I'm dating myself. But remember those Reebok high tops that all those chicks used to wear? They had the two things, a Velcro strap on the top. They're kind of soft leather tennis shoes. Nothing better.

23:53 Drew Just leg warmers.

23:54 Oh, please.

23:55 Adam Please don't screw with this. Don't turn this into a mockery. Let me tell you what the best look is, Drew. You're at the beach, hot day, chicks laying out, sunning, oiling, whole bed. Then they get up and they're making a snack bar run. They slide those little high tops on. Don't tie them, just kind of tuck the laces in and start making the way up to the pavement to get in line. That is a good luck. That is a great luck.

24:21 Drew The thing is, that's because that's what was emblazoned in your soul. You stood there on the boardwalk just staring out at the sand and watching them come towards you.

24:30 Adam Oh no, I was beating off from in the main room.

24:32 Drew Yeah, but they're still looking out towards the water.

24:35 Adam That is so good, that bathing suit thing.

24:37 Drew These things get stuck in our head. It's bad.

24:41 Adam It's in my craw. It's only one way to get it out. Blast it out with semen. All right, we'll take a little break. We'll come back.

24:51 Caller Hello, this is Loveline.

24:55 Caller Loveline will be right back.

25:00 Adam Just thinking about those bikinis while I was urinating during the break.

25:03 Drew Really? Could you? You're okay?

25:07 Adam Putting together a theme for tonight when I get home.

25:09 Drew A bikini theme.

25:10 Adam Yeah, come on, bikini. Michael?

25:14 Caller Yeah?

25:14 Adam You're 31?

25:17 Caller What's that?

25:17 Adam What's up, Michael? What's up?

25:20 Best Of Yeah, I was just wondering if my relationship, if there was any real love in there, because for our relationship for six months, everything seemed to be pretty much good all the time. And she'd tell me that she loved me and that she thought I was intelligent and a great guy and perfect for her. And then all of a sudden, you know, we break up.

25:38 Adam And I'm just trying to figure out if there's any real love there or if it was just a charade built on a foundation of marzipan.

25:45 Drew Michael, what do you figure that if you love someone, you can't break up with them?

25:49 Best Of No, I don't figure that at all. I'm just I guess I'm just trying to deal with this myself and figure out, you know, if if any of it was real, if it was just because I I loved her more than anyone else has. And she's only been in one other serious relationship where someone she loved someone. They didn't reciprocate the love.

26:09 Adam How old is she?

26:11 Best Of She's 21.

26:13 Drew What are you doing with somebody so young for?

26:14 Adam Yeah, that stuff.

26:16 Drew Why so young?

26:18 Best Of Um, I it wasn't my intention to meet someone so young. It's just we had met and then we went out and everything seemed to be really good. We enjoyed doing a lot of stuff together.

26:27 Drew What do you what do you understand? You felt close to her when you were dating her. She said she loved you. You enjoyed her company. What what are you trying to do now? What's the big deal?

26:37 Adam Well, he's freaked out.

26:38 Drew He's heartbroken. No, no, she left, right? She fell out of love or she changed her feelings or something happened and now she left. So what's there? What is there to figure out?

26:47 Best Of So the simple thing is, since she decided that I'm not the right one, it doesn't matter why or anything else. It just matters that it's over now. Yeah. It doesn't matter if there was any love before.

26:58 Adam Well, no.

27:00 Drew What do you think breaks relationships up, Michael?

27:04 Adam Well, hold on, Michael. It's not like you're going to sewer if we find some evidence of love in the past.

27:10 Drew Yeah. People have varying capacity for love. To her sense of that experience, she was in love for a while and then not.

27:17 Adam Why did, Drew, please leave the guy alone. He's heartbroken. Why did she say she wanted to break up?

27:24 Best Of One of the reasons is because at first, she thought that I was very intelligent, but then she decided that education is important to her and since I'm not educated and she is educated, then she doesn't feel like we can, she can talk to me like she can talk to her girlfriend who has taken the same classes that she has.

27:45 Adam Nah. That ain't it. What else?

27:49 Best Of Also because she says that she thinks that I'm insecure.

27:53 Drew Well, you're telling us that already.

27:56 Adam You may have a point.

27:58 Best Of Hold on.

27:58 Adam Michael, I got a good fart coming on now. Hold on. That's funny, right, Michael?

28:07 Best Of Yeah, that's funny. I mean, I'm being a little more serious.

28:10 Adam Well, I understand, but if you were more secure, you'd be laughing.

28:13 Caller I love you.

28:14 Adam OK. I feel for you, Michael, and Drew does too. He's just giving you a little tough love.

28:20 Best Of No, no, no. Yeah. No, I just want some good advice. I just want you guys to set me straight on this.

28:27 Adam We will. We're going to do that.

28:29 Best Of I have a better understanding.

28:30 Adam Quiet down. We're going to set you straight. How long ago did you guys break up?

28:35 Best Of We broke up like three weeks ago.

28:38 Adam Have you spoken to her since?

28:40 Best Of Yes. We had talked like a week ago, week and a half ago.

28:46 Adam That was you initiating it, right?

28:48 Best Of No, that was her calling me. To see how everything was going and see how I was doing and this and that.

28:54 Drew What did you tell her?

28:55 Adam Is that her returning your call?

28:57 Best Of No. She had called me the Saturday before. I returned the call and I was not home.

29:03 Drew Did you totally freak out on her when she broke up?

29:06 Best Of No, I did not.

29:07 Adam Okay. She understands you'd like to get back together.

29:12 Best Of Yes? She knows that I care about her a lot. And I feel like she cares about me too, but I almost feel like it's the fact that she's so young also. Yeah, that's part of it.

29:26 Caller That is part of it.

29:27 Adam So Michael, here's the ultimate truth in this and it's a horrible, horrible... Bless you, Drew. It's a horrible bottom line.

29:35 Drew She's not with Michael.

29:37 Adam Whatever reasons it is, whatever, whether she loved you, whether she never loved you...

29:41 Drew Whether she has a brain tumor.

29:43 Adam Whether it has to do with your prior education, whatever it is, she's out.

29:47 Drew She's done, yeah.

29:48 Adam And when you're out, you're out and that's it. And you can strategize and come up with all the angles you want. You can go back and sift through everything you've ever said to her and everything you've ever done, but it doesn't change the fact that it's out.

30:03 Drew Now, you need to, you seem to need to soil this relationship in some way in order to get over it. And I think that's a huge mistake. It had value. It was great while you were in it. There were real feelings there, and they changed. And that's the way feelings are.

30:14 Adam And you'll find somebody else. And the worst thing you can do is to, you know, get drunk and make a scene.

30:20 Best Of Yeah, no, I quit drinking. I mean, I haven't been drinking.

30:23 Adam There you go.

30:24 Drew He wants to keep going.

30:26 Adam I hate this, too. Is that Minka I see on the computer over there?

30:29 Drew Oh, Adam. Should I have a bikini on?

30:33 Caller Mm-hmm.

30:34 Adam Hold on a second. Would you move your head, goofball? I can't see Minka. Who's number one? Minka's number one. That's who's number one.

30:41 Drew How do you tell that that's Minka from here?

30:44 Adam I got good eyes when it comes to big boobs.

30:46 Oh, my God.

30:47 Adam I'm looking at a computer screen that's turned at a bad angle from 25 feet away.

30:53 I just looked up.

30:54 Adam I saw Minka.

30:55 Drew Yeah, you saw like a three-inch figurine of her at 400 yards.

30:59 Adam That's right. I got an eagle eye when it comes to Minka.

31:02 Drew Oh, my God.

31:02 Adam She's the number one Asian big boob queen.

31:04 Drew You're like a hawk looking for a field mouse.

31:06 Caller Number one Asian big boob queen.

31:09 Drew 300 feet over the surface of the earth. You found it.

31:11 Adam The thing I'm most curious about with Minka, she used to play professional tennis, but I'm not sure if she does anymore.

31:18 Caller Don't play tennis no more.

31:19 Adam No, I see.

31:21 Drew What was her coach told her?

31:23 Caller Don't play tennis no more.

31:24 Drew No, no, he said, Minka, you should be important.

31:27 Adam He doesn't have that on a drop, does he?

31:29 Drew I thought he did.

31:30 Adam More great radio from Dr. Drew, everybody. Whenever you have a gut feeling, ignore it. Ignore it. Take another call. Okay. What is Minka doing on that computer screen, Anderson?

31:42 Our new screeners hadn't seen her and I was just showing them. It's actually working tonight, so I put it on.

31:47 Adam Nice. John?

31:49 Best Of Yes.

31:49 Adam You're 23?

31:50 Caller Yes.

31:50 Adam I've just shifted themes, by the way. I'm going Minka when I get home, not Bikini.

31:55 Best Of I see that.

31:55 Caller Okay.

31:57 Adam What's up, John?

31:58 Best Of Okay. Just a question. I had something that happens to me. My wife goes down, gives me a BJ. I ejaculate.

32:06 Adam Hold on.

32:06 Drew Hold on.

32:07 Ejaculate.

32:09 Adam Yes. Keep going.

32:10 Best Of I am immediately able to continue and have intercourse or whatever at that point.

32:14 Drew You don't lose your erection.

32:16 Exactly.

32:16 Drew All right. That's fine. You're 23. This will end soon.

32:19 Adam Enjoy it.

32:19 Drew Enjoy it for a couple of years.

32:21 Best Of But any other method that I ejaculate, whether it be intercourse or any other way, that's not the case.

32:28 Drew Is oral sex more arousing to you in some way?

32:31 Best Of Actually, it seems like it's less.

32:32 Drew That's right. You're less depleted in some way.

32:35 Adam We couldn't hang, John.

32:36 Drew What's that?

32:37 Adam We couldn't hang, me and you. We just could not hang out.

32:40 Best Of Sorry.

32:41 Adam I'm like an Arab and a Jew. Just we have fundamental differences. I'm sure you're a nice guy, but we just could not hang out. So you then have intercourse and you have another ejaculation with the same erection.

32:54 Best Of Correct.

32:55 Adam That's good. All right. Maybe it's, well, you're not working as hard either. I mean, you're not sort of physically spent. Some guys, in order to have an ejaculation through intercourse, they're going at it for 15 or 20 minutes. They're burning a few calories. They're tired. Enjoy that penis of yours. Also, I'm trying to think, but there may be something to being on your back as opposed to sort of leaning forward on your knees.

33:27 Drew Whatever.

33:28 Adam It's not a good boner position.

33:30 Drew I'm not sure there's something worse about spending a lot of time thinking about it.

33:32 Adam Well, I'm just talking about me.

33:34 Drew I know.

33:35 Adam Do you know what I mean?

33:35 Drew Yeah, you go think in your own time. It's good.

33:37 Adam But do you know what I'm saying? You're on your back.

33:42 Drew Honestly, not everyone is as lazy as you are.

33:44 Adam Oh, really?

33:45 Drew No. I'm sorry.

33:47 Adam Well, if I wasn't so lazy, I'd look into that. Ryan? Hey. Hey, you're 19.

33:55 Caller Hey, I was just calling to Adam. First of all, you're awesome.

33:58 Adam Yeah.

33:58 Caller You're a very, very funny guy.

34:00 Adam Thanks. That feels good.

34:01 Caller I saw your partner Jimmy on Letterman tonight.

34:04 Adam Oh, yeah.

34:05 Caller Also a very funny guy.

34:07 Caller Yeah.

34:09 Caller I was calling to talk to Dr. Drew.

34:11 Adam Hold on. How was Jimmy on Letterman tonight?

34:13 Caller He was pretty good. I saw him his first time, and it almost seemed like Letterman was scared of him. But-

34:20 Drew First time or this time?

34:21 Caller The very first time I saw him.

34:22 Drew He was scared?

34:23 Caller He was taking off his clothes.

34:24 Adam Right.

34:25 Caller Yeah. This time he seemed pretty good. Letterman enjoyed him. It was a good time.

34:30 Adam Yeah. I heard it was good. I talked to Jimmy earlier today, but I haven't been home yet, so I haven't seen it. Actually, I'm not going to see it until tomorrow. But I should- I'm glad you brought it up. Partner, life partner, and business partner, Jimmy Kimmel from The Man Show, and also the Fox Morning Show, pregame football show will be on Letterman tonight. Thank you. Anyway, what's your question, Ryan?

34:55 Caller Okay, I was kind of calling to talk to Dr. Drew about what his opinion was on the correlation between attention deficit disorder and addiction.

35:05 Drew The same. That pretty much everyone with addiction has ADD of some type.

35:09 Caller You think so?

35:10 Drew Absolutely. Once we figure out what the genetic precursors are to these diseases, you'll see they'll be the same.

35:15 Adam Yeah, and we'll start killing you guys at birth.

35:18 Drew No, there was a while when people were thinking that way.

35:20 Adam Yeah, why not?

35:21 Drew But yeah, ADD, all addicts have ADD. And you cannot treat them. I mean, you don't. The treatment for the ADD in addiction is treating the addiction. Period. You do not take medication.

35:34 Adam What do you got? You got them both, Ryan?

35:35 Caller Well, no. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was like, I don't know, like 10 or 11 or something. And over the last like two or three years, I've been getting into the drug scene.

35:48 Drew Yeah. There you go. So it's, it's just don't take stimulants for the ADD. Don't do it ever.

35:55 Caller Like Ritalin and things like that.

35:56 Drew Before the age of 18, it turns out that's actually helpful. It's bizarre. The addicts, it looks like before the age of 18, if they take Ritalin, it doesn't do anything to their addictive disease and may significantly improve their symptoms of ADD. And actually improve their personality development, their coping strategies, their performance academically. So there is precedent to treating them before the age of 18. But at 18, because the way the brain changes, we don't really know what that change is, you got to get off that stuff.

36:21 Adam Well, you said 18. Did you say 16 earlier? Or has it always been 18?

36:25 Drew 18.

36:26 Adam All right. So that's the age.

36:27 Drew 18. Stimulus till 18. That's it.

36:29 Adam And then what?

36:30 Drew Then get the addiction treated or wait for your addiction to really play out and then get a treat.

36:34 Adam Oh, what if you don't have it anyway? What if you just got ADD and you're not out and done anything?

36:38 Drew Then you stay out. Then stimulus are fine.

36:40 Adam Oh, really?

36:40 Caller Oh, yeah.

36:42 Adam After 18?

36:42 Drew Yep.

36:44 Adam Well, that's different.

36:45 Drew Yep, it is different. And if you have to be on treatment, clonidine, wellbutrin, these things are the way to go.

36:50 Adam Good times. Dr. Drew is here handing out the solid advice and because of that, we're going to hear the Dr. Drew boogie when we get back.

37:04 Caller Uh, back in a minute. Yeah, everybody on the floor, this is Ice T. You're listening to Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.

37:15 Adam He ain't lying. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Why don't we hear a little of that Dr. Drew boogie? You know, we'd promised to play for a caller earlier in the week, as usual. We didn't deliver and now it's time. And this is dedicated to What's Or Knows, who called up and wanted to hear it two days ago.

37:40 Drew Ow! Not acceptable.

38:36 Best Of Dr. Drew is right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

38:39 Drew You're a lesbian.

38:40 Adam Is that the, oh, nice little add-on there.

38:42 Drew Dr. Drew's brothers?

38:43 Adam Is that Joyce Brothers, Dr. Drew's right?

38:45 Drew I don't say that enough, you're sick.

38:48 Adam No, I'd like to hear more of that out of you.

38:50 Drew You can't really let that go.

38:51 Best Of Dr. Drew is right.

38:52 Adam Speaking of sick, our security guard, I think, has narcolepsy.

38:57 Drew He has sleep apnea, is what he's got.

38:58 Adam Is that what he has?

38:59 Drew Let's listen, well, maybe the listeners ought to listen.

39:01 Adam Well, that's what I'm getting at. Now, as you know, Anderson's shaking his head because he doesn't want to stand up a third time now. But a year, maybe two years ago, we had the same guard and he dozed off, he dozes off in the entryway on the sofa and he's so loud that it's very comical to hear him snore and I thought the audience would get a kick out of that so we took a 20-foot mic extension and I snuck the mic around. It's scary because he's a big guy but I slid the mic right up as close to him as I could get and then we just kind of checked into it. It's the night where we're on. Now I think he may have gotten fired or suspended last time we did this but it was still funny and well worth it.

39:47 Drew Now look, here's the thing about him though, whenever we go outside he lurks with us.

39:51 Adam Oh yeah.

39:51 Drew Yeah, he's on top of us.

39:52 Adam Yeah, he's a demon. He's a demon. Anyone out there who's thinking about giving us a hard time, he's an animal. But he's sawing some pretty good logs now. I'd like to check in on that. Anderson?

40:02 I'm shaking my head because he says he works like 12-hour days then he comes over here and it's feel bad for the dude.

40:07 Adam I know, but it's still funny.

40:10 But it's not funny when he doesn't show up for like three months after that.

40:13 You get busted.

40:15 Well, I mean, it's too late now. We've been talking about it.

40:17 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good point. That's a good point. But get that 20-foot mic cord. Let's just see where this goes. Can we do that? We'll take a call and grab that cord. Let me just try sneaking out there. All right? Okay. We'll take some calls in the meantime. We'll keep you posted.

40:36 Caller Yeah?

40:36 Adam You're 40?

40:38 Caller Yeah.

40:38 Adam What's up?

40:40 Caller What's going on there?

40:41 Caller How you doing, dude? Good.

40:42 Adam Are you high?

40:44 Caller Oh, yeah.

40:44 Caller I'm tired, man.

40:46 Adam Neat.

40:46 Caller Getting out of work.

40:47 Drew And high.

40:48 Adam Tired and high?

40:50 Caller A little bit.

40:51 Drew Yeah.

40:51 Adam All right. It's not noticeable if you're curious. Oh, really?

40:56 Caller I'm a little nervous there.

40:57 Drew We had no idea.

40:58 Caller All right.

40:58 Adam So what's the question?

41:00 Caller What's the question?

41:01 Caller Is it kind of sick if...

41:04 Caller If I like to masturbate outdoors, let mosquitoes bite my dick while I do it.

41:10 Adam I see. That's perfectly fine.

41:13 Caller That's normal?

41:14 Adam That is totally normal.

41:15 Drew Enjoy.

41:16 Adam Keep doing that.

41:17 Drew And when you get West Nile fever or encephalitis, just let us know.

41:21 Adam Well, you could get that if a mosquito landed on your arm, couldn't you?

41:25 Drew Yeah, but usually you're trying not to have mosquitoes land and bite. Sounds like he's sort of suggesting he does that.

41:31 Adam Well, who are we to take away the guy's muse?

41:34 Drew Yeah.

41:34 Adam He's got a dream. Let him live it. John?

41:37 Drew Yeah.

41:38 Adam You're 38?

41:39 Caller Yeah, I am.

41:40 Adam What's up?

41:44 Caller I had back surgery, three levels of back surgery about five, six years ago. And after that, they had me prescribed taking Dilaudid. And, well, my body decided that I came to like the Dilaudid quite a bit and have come to become addicted to the Dilaudid.

42:10 Caller Yeah.

42:11 Adam It seems like a pretty addictive drug, isn't it, Drew?

42:13 Drew Profoundly.

42:15 Caller Yeah, real profoundly. Like, nothing like I found even with taking Oxycontin or anything like that.

42:22 Drew All the other stuff he's tried.

42:23 Adam Right.

42:24 Caller Yeah. Not even like other, you know, what they would call it.

42:27 Drew So what's the question?

42:28 Caller Well, the question is, I want to get clean and I've tried just going cold turkey and have not had very good success.

42:37 Drew How many times have you been in treatment?

42:39 Caller Yes, I have.

42:40 Drew What happens?

42:42 Caller Well, I've been on 80 to 100 milligrams a day of the Dilaudid.

42:47 Drew What happens in treatment?

42:50 Caller I couldn't make it through the cold turkey, the diarrhea, the vomiting. I just got out.

42:55 Drew How were you being treated at the time?

42:57 Caller Just cold turkey.

42:59 Drew They weren't treating you with any other medication?

43:01 Caller No, they just tried.

43:02 Drew Oh, you need to go non-oh, yeah, that's other medicine. Clonidine, what else?

43:06 Caller That's it.

43:07 Drew Well, there's a number of other medications they can use, at least six or seven that can help with the withdrawal.

43:12 Caller I wanted to ask you about the Bute, send me to the buprenax.

43:15 Drew Yeah, buprenax is fine, but people get strung out on buprenax too.

43:21 Caller Really?

43:21 Drew And you got to understand, getting off the Dilaudid is the easiest thing. As miserable as it is, it's actually easier than the process of staying off it. And that's where the real work needs to be done. If you want to come off on buprenax, fine, make sure it's someone who really knows what they're doing with it, and make sure you're in a program and you stay there for at least a couple months afterwards. At least chronic pain and opiate addiction is one of the more difficult and more common combinations out there, and takes many months to treat.

43:45 Adam Is this Anna?

43:46 Best Of Uh-huh.

43:47 Adam Wow, interesting spelling there. You're 19, what's up?

43:51 Caller Okay, like a couple weeks ago, I was over visiting my aunt and uncle, and like I'm moving out of my house in a couple weeks, and I was talking about how hard it was going to be for me to pay rent, and this was just me and my uncle, my aunt actually wasn't home, and he started talking about how it would be really easy for him to get me like a sugar daddy, and I'm not sure if he was talking about himself or like one of the guys from work, and I was like, no, no, I don't think I could get one. He was like, no, really, I know that you could get one. I was just wondering what I should do or what that means.

44:25 Drew What? As with your uncle.

44:26 Adam Yeah. What a lovely, lovely individual. Why were you over there in the first place?

44:31 Caller Actually, I was using the computer because I'm selling my car.

44:36 Drew He's not the one who's related to you by blood, is he?

44:38 Caller No, he's.

44:40 Drew He's married to your mother's sister.

44:41 Caller He's married to my mom's sister, right?

44:42 Drew Yeah.

44:43 Caller Right.

44:44 Adam Yeah.

44:44 Drew What a dick.

44:45 Adam Here, he's sick.

44:46 Drew Here we go. I'm feeling good.

44:47 Adam Go sick, girl. He's an idiot.

44:50 Drew He's an asshole.

44:51 Adam And we wonder about your aunt, too, for marrying this piece of work.

44:56 Caller Actually, he was like our next door neighbor. Like, my grandma and grandpa lived in this house.

44:59 Drew Did he ever do anything to you when you were growing up? Oh, my God. This guy's got to be shot.

45:05 Caller OK. Like, one time we were like having a barbecue and like, he stuck his hand, like, down the back of my pants. But, like, he didn't really, like, do anything, like...

45:15 Adam How old were you?

45:16 Caller I was about nine.

45:17 Drew Oh, he's a despicable asshole. He's a despicable asshole.

45:20 Adam Yeah. I really wish... And this is how I know there's not a God. I'd like something rusty to go through this guy's liver. Wow. Yeah, this guy's a... He's a piece of work.

45:30 Caller But he's, like, the only father figure, like, I've ever...

45:32 Drew Oh, okay. Well, we're going to go get a talk this morning. Hold on.

45:35 Adam Relax.

45:36 Drew Stop.

45:36 Adam Hang on.

45:37 Drew Stop.

45:37 Adam Hang on.

45:38 Drew Where am I? I'm just glad I found my righteous indignation again.

45:40 Adam Yeah. It was missing for a while, but it's back.

45:43 Drew All right.

45:44 Adam We're going to return with Drew, his righteous indignation, and possibly the snore mic after this.

45:51 Hello.

45:52 Caller This is your radio. Radio. Loveline will be right back.

46:03 Adam All righty, everybody.

46:04 Loveline.

46:06 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. We got the mic with the 25-foot cord on it, and Engineer Anderson is a conscientious objector to this. Drew says he is, too, but I think it's good radio. I'm gonna sneak that mic out there and put it out under our security guard's mouth, because he makes such a novelty snoring sound. I just, I gotta do it. All right?

46:37 Drew You know right now? Fix the balls.

46:40 Adam Geez, I don't know, you know, it's a little scary sneaking out there on a big guy with a gun, putting a mic by him. Plus, I think he got canned for it last time, so, you know, he could really just pull his piece and, you know.

46:53 Drew Freak out.

46:54 Adam Yeah. That'd be great, too. What happened to Adam? The security guard shot him. What the hell? What'd they do? Get in a fight? Where'd they go? Now I woke him up. Let's finish with Ana. And then I'm going to go out there and test the waters, okay?

47:11 Caller All right.

47:13 How old am I?

47:15 Adam Ana. Ana.

47:17 Drew So, you got this asshole uncle by marriage.

47:20 Caller Yeah. Well, because like my aunt was like his babysitter because he was married before. This is his second marriage.

47:25 Drew Your aunt was his what?

47:27 Caller She was his babysitter. Like he used to babysit. She used to babysit for his children. He's 12 years older than her. And then he started like messing around with her. And then he broke up his marriage.

47:37 Drew Oh, what an idiot.

47:38 Caller He actually slept with one of my other aunts before he slept with her.

47:41 Drew And now he's going for you.

47:42 Caller Well, yeah. I used to live with him. Like I just moved out. Like.

47:45 Drew Did you ever have sex with this guy? No. Oh, my God. He's just a colossal asshole.

47:50 Adam He has kids?

47:51 Caller Yeah. He has three kids. Like one is like, well, two of them are grown and then he has a son that's six.

47:57 Adam Yeah. What's this guy do for a living? An auto body?

48:01 Caller Something with cars?

48:02 Caller He works for a bread company. He's like the district manager.

48:06 Adam For what company?

48:07 Caller He works for a bread company.

48:08 Adam Oh, a real breadwinner.

48:10 Caller Yeah.

48:11 Adam All right. Well, I hope he dies in some sort of oven explosion.

48:14 Caller It like really like shook me because this is like somebody that I look at. It was like my father.

48:18 Adam No, you know. Well, you can't.

48:19 Drew If you do, you've got a real problem with man, real problem.

48:23 Caller I do have a real problem.

48:24 Drew Yeah. This is not this is not a normal male. This is not somebody you should look to for role modeling.

48:30 Caller I remember when I was like 12, he was having the little birds and bees talk with me. He was saying how he used to have sex with girls when he was like 12, and he was like, I should have sex, but I should protect myself. I was 12 years old.

48:43 Adam Okay. Well, listen, we believe you. This guy is an a-hole.

48:47 Caller Yeah.

48:48 Drew Do you have boyfriends? Do you have relationships with men?

48:50 Caller I have a really hard time. I'm a dancer. And so I have a-

48:54 Adam Tap, jazz, modern, interpretive, ballet, which?

48:59 Caller Naked.

48:59 Caller Ah.

49:01 Adam Topless and bottomless?

49:03 Caller Just topless.

49:04 Adam Just topless. Does he know you do this?

49:07 Caller Yeah, he does.

49:08 Adam Does he ever swing by the club?

49:10 Caller No, but his friends come in. And oh yeah, another thing, I don't have my name on your shoes, Adam, but this guy who works at the club, he likes girls that have tattoos. So sometimes my friend will write Ace Rockolla like on my breast, like on the top. It looks really cool.

49:23 Caller Yeah.

49:25 Adam Ace on one, Rockolla on the other?

49:26 Caller No, all on one.

49:28 Adam All in one. Oh, that's a good sized breast.

49:29 Caller Yeah, I have two. They're pretty big.

49:31 Adam You have what?

49:32 Caller They're pretty big.

49:33 Adam Nice.

49:33 Caller So, so what, because like, I mean, it would really help out, like, if I had a guy to like pay the rent and stuff, because I'm like struggling.

49:40 Caller I'm like going to...

49:42 Adam Listen, everyone would like some guy to pay the rent, maybe lease him a car and buy him a tennis bracelet. That's not the answer, though.

49:51 Drew Oh, boy. I don't know where to start.

49:53 Caller I know. I have lots of problems.

49:54 Adam Okay. But you know that, we know that, and now our listeners know that. But here's what you need to do. You realize you have problems, you can't act out.

50:05 Drew Can you just get a regular job?

50:07 Caller Well, I wait tables, like, during the day.

50:11 Adam By the way, between stripping and waiting tables, you should have 1,400 bucks cash every week in your hand.

50:16 Caller But I still have to pay rent, and rent is, like, so expensive here, like, for, like, a decent, like, one-bedroom, like, in Manhattan.

50:22 Drew Hold on. Are you in Manhattan? Where are you?

50:24 Caller No, I live, like, in California.

50:26 Adam Okay. I moved out when I was your age. I was 19. Yeah. I worked as a construction labor. I made $7 an hour, had taxes taken out, and walked at the end of every week with about $235, $240 bucks. Made it just fine. Sure, I wanted to kill myself. I got two roommates, I got a one-bedroom apartment, and I just figured out how to make it work, and it'll work. So go get yourself a roommate and move the hell out of there. Stop worrying about the car you're driving and all that stuff.

51:03 Caller My car is like $500 a month.

51:05 Drew Oh my God. What are you driving?

51:07 Caller I have a Sebring.

51:09 Drew Did you call us once before?

51:11 Caller Did I call you before? Yeah, like about the 40-year-old guy.

51:15 Drew Tell us again, what was this?

51:17 Caller I was driving home from work and the sky was 40 and he was in a BMW.

51:21 Drew Pulled her over. Remember this?

51:22 Adam Right.

51:22 Caller Yeah, and he said I was going to end up in an early grave.

51:25 Adam How's that guy doing?

51:27 Caller Well, actually, I talked to him the day after and I told him that we shouldn't have a relationship and we shouldn't talk to each other and he's too old for me.

51:34 Adam Good.

51:35 Caller And he was disappointed.

51:37 Adam All right, step in the right direction.

51:39 Drew You seem pretty workable. Why don't you get some help?

51:42 Adam Yeah, she's hot. I'd do her.

51:44 Drew Yeah, but I mean, maybe some, I don't know, huh?

51:46 Adam Oh, I see. Yeah, I see what you're saying.

51:48 Drew You know what I mean? Somebody who she really can trust to give her some decent direction. She takes direction. She's not two guys on a radio.

51:54 Adam She's waiting tables and stripping. For Christ's sake, she's got a huge wad of cash at the end of every day. Get yourself a roommate, get an apartment, get away from this guy, get a little therapy, and start working it.

52:09 Caller Okay.

52:10 Adam Drew, I'm going to go out with this microphone. Yeah.

52:13 Caller Okay.

52:14 Adam Now our security guard is sawing logs.

52:16 Drew Did you fart again?

52:17 Adam No. Why? You want me to fart?

52:19 Drew No, no, it's just starting to smell in here.

52:21 Adam That could be my breath.

52:22 Drew Yeah.

52:22 Adam The security guard we have is sawing logs out on the sofa.

52:26 Drew Okay.

52:26 Adam I got a mic with a 25-foot cord.

52:28 Drew If he's sitting there just bolt awake when you come around the corner with that microphone, what are you going to do? Okay.

52:33 Adam It's going to be uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I should get down. Maybe I should get down on my belly.

52:38 Drew You should walk, matter of fact, like you're just going out there.

52:40 Adam With the microphone?

52:41 Drew Take a smoke.

52:41 Adam With the microphone? All right, you'll cover for me, okay?

52:45 Drew I'll take a call.

52:46 Adam Now, I'm not going to talk into the mic while I'm taking it out there, because I don't want to wake him up.

52:51 Drew Let me take a call.

52:53 Adam Why don't you narrate? Just hold on a second, and I'll be back.

52:57 Drew I'm the content's subject, though. I don't want to participate in this.

52:59 Adam I know, but you're what you call an enabler now. Is this thing on?

53:04 Caller Yeah. Okay. Okay.

53:06 Adam Stepping out of the studio.

53:12 Drew Well, that's good radio.

53:14 Caller Okay.

53:15 Drew What he's doing is he's opened the door. He's looking both ways around the corner.

53:23 Caller He is...

53:25 Drew I don't hear any snoring right now. Here he goes. He's moving out towards the front door. He's taking a hard left turn. He's sort of taking, moving in sort of one step at a time and sliding the other foot back to meet the foot that took the step. Mike's coming around. Oh, here he comes. Listen, you can hear him snoring. Moving into position. He's on his stomach. He's on the ground. He's going to get caught. I'm sure of it. Hold on here.

53:59 Caller He's out. Now come on. Come on.

54:03 Caller OK.

54:05 Caller Oh, guys, must be away.

54:06 Caller Son of a bitch.

54:06 Caller He's not snoring now.

54:08 Caller I know.

54:08 Caller There's no sound.

54:09 Caller Oh, he got up.

54:13 Adam Shut the door, Drew. Jesus Christ. You almost knocked your coffee over. Go get the extra cord that's hanging out the door now. It's coming right back in here. No, not that cord. That stuff on the floor. Open the door and pull it in.

54:30 Caller It's in. It's in.

54:31 Adam I'm telling you, there's ten feet hanging out there. It's going to fall like cord in here and kick our ass.

54:36 Caller It's all.

54:37 Adam Oh, you made it in. Jesus Christ. How did it get in here? All right. I think Anderson tipped him off. Did Anderson tip him off? He did, didn't he? Son of a bitch. Anderson, come on. Did you tip him?

54:55 Caller Like I told you, it's already too late.

54:57 Adam What do you mean, it's already too late?

54:59 Caller If I want to save him, I mean, it's too late to save him.

55:01 Adam I'm not going to tip him off.

55:03 Caller All right.

55:04 Adam Lauren was nodding her head yes when I said, did you tip him off?

55:07 Caller She's worse than Ann that way.

55:09 Adam All right. That's true. Little fire starter. All right. We'll keep the mic here and we'll try. Maybe we'll try it tomorrow night. That guy scared the hell out of me. It wasn't snoring, but you know when the guys, they got that sleep apnea? What's he got? Yeah. You're lying there, there's total silence, total silence. You're making a move. And all of a sudden, you know, you crap myself. Okay. I'm telling him that's Anderson's idea if he questions me. John?

55:38 Caller Yes.

55:38 Adam You're 30?

55:39 Caller Yeah, I hope so.

55:40 Adam What's up?

55:42 Caller Got a question for the doc. Adam, you're real, man. Thanks. Doc, I'm ADD and I got bipolar.

55:49 Drew Yeah.

55:50 Caller Okay. I'm taking Concerta for the ADD, taking Remarans for the bipolar. And they're trying me on some anger management stuff. They've got me on clonopens and a brand spanking new one called Giodone or Giodon.

56:06 Drew Giodon, yeah.

56:07 Caller Okay. Doc, I got zero sex drive.

56:11 Drew Yeah, no kidding. All those meds. Although Remaran is usually one of the ones that often doesn't cause depressed sexual functioning.

56:20 Caller I'm suspecting it was the Concerta.

56:22 Drew Concerta can. And I don't know about Giodon. It really is a new medicine. The main thing they word out with Giodon is it changes the conductivity in your heart and can prolong a certain phase of what's called depolarization called the QT interval.

56:35 Adam If you've got anger management problems, maybe you shouldn't be getting laid, you know?

56:41 Caller Maybe I should be getting laid more often.

56:44 Adam Well, that might straighten it out too. Touche.

56:47 Caller But Adam, it's like a chore. It's like changing the rear main seal in your 350 Chevy.

56:52 Adam Oh, yeah.

56:53 Caller It's something you're not looking forward to.

56:56 Adam I tell you, there's nothing worse than that rear main seal going. All that oil draining onto the clutch. Yeah, see, when the clutch starts slipping, that's saying that rear main seal is gone.

57:06 Best Of That's right there.

57:07 Adam Yeah, that's a bitch. You gotta pull the tranny.

57:11 Drew Huh?

57:12 Caller What can I do? I've asked my doctor. They've tried me on Yo-Hemby.

57:16 Drew Yeah.

57:17 Caller Didn't do nothing. Absolutely nothing. She said to try Ginkgo.

57:21 Caller No.

57:22 Caller I've been taking Ginkgo now, not the Yazoo for two months. Nothing there.

57:27 Drew Ask her about Will Butrin. That's one of the things sometimes helps. Okay.

57:31 Caller I found one substance on this planet that works, but it's illegal.

57:35 Drew What's that?

57:36 Caller Coke.

57:37 Caller Oh, really?

57:37 Adam It gets you in the mood, huh? Like a rabbit.

57:40 Drew That's interesting.

57:41 Adam Just a line gets you going? Yeah.

57:43 Caller All night long.

57:45 Drew That's weird.

57:45 Adam How much is Coke nowadays? I was talking about getting back into that.

57:49 Caller I'm broke. I'm at work. Oh, I see. I don't need to be buying it.

57:52 Drew How are you paying for all those meds? That's like 300 bucks a week.

57:57 Caller But...

57:58 Adam A veteran? Are you a veteran?

58:00 Caller No.

58:01 Drew And the other thing, what about Viagra? Have you tried that?

58:06 Caller I don't have problems with the operation.

58:09 Adam It's just a motivation.

58:10 Drew It's a desire.

58:11 Caller It's the motivation.

58:13 Drew Well, butrin is one of those things that's been recommended adding to these medications as helping withdraw.

58:19 Adam Are you married? Yes. Oh, okay. All right. How's the anger management going? What did you do?

58:25 Caller I just blow up real easy. I don't wear anything.

58:27 Adam All right. You have kids?

58:28 Caller Like the fact that it's taken me three hours to get through to y'all.

58:32 Adam All right. Well, listen.

58:33 Caller That's a great thing to key me off.

58:35 Adam Don't take it out on us. No.

58:37 Caller You guys are cool.

58:38 Adam All right, John. Listen, do you have kids?

58:40 Caller No. I am not procreating.

58:42 Adam Good. Good man. I tell you, I'm a huge fan of John. Look, all you. I don't blame you for having troubles. You got problems with anger management. You're on more drugs than Howard Hughes was on before he died and Elvis put together. Fine. People have problems. They have imbalances and chemical problems. Understood. I only get mad when you start having the goddamn kids. Yep. This John, he's fine by me. He knows he's got problems. He knows he's not going to make a world class dad. He doesn't have any kids. Good. Drew, you're dripping coffee all over your white shirt there. Where? Well, I just saw it dripping off your cup. You'd knock the cup over when you spazzed out when I came back in here with the microphone. I don't know where it went, but I swear to Christ, it was just dripping off that thing right on your chest. Okay. All right. I don't know. I don't know. Amanda?

59:33 Yes.

59:33 Adam You're 21?

59:34 Caller Yes.

59:34 Adam What's going on?

59:36 Caller Well, let's see.

59:38 Caller I'm engaged right now. I've been dating the guy for five years. But I'm having trouble every time I see my best friend, the guy. I've known him since I was five, and there's just a lot of old feelings there. I used to have a really big crush on him when I was younger, and I still feel like there's some feelings that I love him in a way.

1:00:02 Drew Now listen, you've got to figure this out. Is this a desire to have a last fling before you get married?

1:00:08 Caller I don't know what it is. I'm supposed to be getting married next month.

1:00:11 Drew Hold on, because many women have a fling before they get married. That's a pretty common thing.

1:00:15 Caller Is it?

1:00:16 Drew Or are you ambivalent about getting married and really shouldn't be?

1:00:20 Caller Yeah. I would engage for a year and a half. I would think I would be sure, but it's just that I'm kind of...

1:00:25 Drew Well, you're 21. It's easy to be not sure you're 21.

1:00:28 Caller Yeah. Yeah. My mom keeps asking me, well, are you sure you want to get married? I'm like, well, I think so.

1:00:34 Adam She doesn't sound like she's a big fan of your husband-to-be.

1:00:38 Caller Oh, no. She likes him a lot. And she just wants me to be absolutely sure, because my sister is engaged to a real dork, so...

1:00:46 Adam How old is the guy you're engaged to?

1:00:49 Caller He's 22.

1:00:51 Adam And so what about this guy you've been hot for since you were five? Ever have anything with him?

1:00:58 Caller No, no, not really. I mean, nothing.

1:01:02 Adam Nothing?

1:01:02 Caller Nothing. I mean, when I was real little, I used to, like, grab him and kiss him when I was, like, eight. But I just had these little kids.

1:01:09 Adam Now, why is the guy so close to you still?

1:01:12 Caller I don't know. I mean, we were friends all during growing up, and then when we... I moved away when I was 13, but we just stayed in touch, and I go down to see him every now and then. We lived about five, six hours away.

1:01:23 Adam And how come nothing ever happened?

1:01:26 Caller I don't know. He's had girlfriends. I've had boyfriends, and it's just... I don't know. To him, I guess it doesn't seem like, you know, it would have been...

1:01:34 Drew He's not interested.

1:01:35 Caller I guess not. He told me once that he was interested in me.

1:01:40 Drew During a long drought.

1:01:41 Caller What?

1:01:41 Drew During a long drought.

1:01:43 Caller During a long drought, yeah. No, I don't know. He said he was interested in me. I mean, a couple of times after I came back, you know, I moved away. But I was dating this other guy, and, you know, same guy that I'm going to be marrying.

1:01:55 Adam All right. And he's seeing someone now, too?

1:01:57 Best Of No, he's not seeing anyone.

1:01:59 Drew But again, whether or not she wants to jump ship and go with him is really not the issue. The issue is, is she ambivalent about getting married? Should she not get married? Is this just a desire to have a final fling? What's going on here? I would think going to a marriage at 21 with any kind of ambivalence is not a way to go to a marriage.

1:02:14 Caller Yeah.

1:02:15 Drew I really don't think it's a good idea.

1:02:17 Adam I hate to agree with Drew, but I do.

1:02:19 Caller So maybe I should put it off a little until I get this out.

1:02:22 Drew Let me give you some clarity. Yeah, what's the hurry? You're 21. You know the data on marriages at 21?

1:02:26 Caller It's awful.

1:02:27 Drew Just waiting five years puts you up the food chain in terms of success.

1:02:30 Adam You have a 115% chance of divorce in the first three years. Do you know that?

1:02:35 Caller No, I didn't know that.

1:02:36 Adam Yes, it's staggering.

1:02:37 Caller Wow.

1:02:38 Adam OK, so did you set a date for the marriage yet?

1:02:40 Caller Oh, yeah. Next month.

1:02:42 Adam Oh, next month.

1:02:43 Caller We've been planning this for a long time. I'm just now starting to feel a little, I don't know if it's just cold feet or if I'm...

1:02:49 Adam Well, for a woman and I don't mean to lump all women into one clump, but I'm going to go ahead and do it. If a woman has... I don't think women have cold feet.

1:03:02 Caller OK.

1:03:02 Adam I think they have reservations. I think they have worries. I don't really think it's cold feet. When they think this guy is the one, they're ready to get married whether it's at 17, 27, or 47. And when they think, I got cold feet, that's a thing that a 22-year-old guy has, not the woman. So, I think you have some reservations, some serious reservations about marrying this guy.

1:03:31 Caller Yeah, there are some things that I'm worried about.

1:03:34 Adam What's up with him?

1:03:36 Caller Oh, I don't know. There's just some things that we see him to differ a lot on.

1:03:40 Drew Like what?

1:03:41 Caller I'm a lot more outgoing and socially, you know, that sort of thing. He's kind of an introvert.

1:03:48 Drew What else with him?

1:03:50 Caller I don't know. I mean, there's just a lot of stuff like he's more strict with money than I am. Of course, I'm in debt, but he's not.

1:03:57 Drew That can all work, though.

1:03:58 Caller Yeah, that could work out, but I mean...

1:04:00 Adam Does he flip your cookie?

1:04:03 Caller Seriously?

1:04:05 Caller Well, are you there? Okay, I have my cell phone on. I thought it was going to die. Oh, yeah.

1:04:12 Caller No, no, no.

1:04:14 Drew No? You're 21. It should be yes, of course.

1:04:19 Adam Yeah.

1:04:20 Drew That's it. That's what it's all about at 21. If they even got that.

1:04:24 Adam Yeah. He ain't flipping the cookie. And I think she is trying to come up with a lot of intellectual reasons as to why they might not work out. He likes to stay home. I like to go out.

1:04:37 Drew Nonsense.

1:04:38 Adam I'm bad with money. He's good with money. Well, look, that's all good. That's checks and balances. I mean, that'll work its way out.

1:04:44 Drew If he had it, that all would look good to her now.

1:04:46 Adam But he ain't flipping the cookie. Yeah? Yeah. All right. What should she do?

1:04:52 Drew Wait.

1:04:53 Adam Postpone?

1:04:54 Drew Postpone.

1:04:54 Adam They got the marriage set for next month.

1:04:57 Put it off.

1:04:58 Adam Say, look, I'm 21.

1:04:59 Drew I can't do it.

1:05:01 Adam Yeah.

1:05:01 Drew Guys don't take that that.

1:05:02 Adam Fine.

1:05:03 Drew Yeah, guys might be relieved to be 21.

1:05:05 Adam What's that? Was he snoring? Christ's sake. Our guard's snoring again. I'm going to try this.

1:05:12 Drew It's not exactly grass radio. It might be a little narration of what you're doing.

1:05:15 Caller Well, he woke up.

1:05:17 Adam Was he awake now? Yeah. Okay, okay. All right, but don't tell me he was snoring and now he's awake. Because now I'm, I'm, I'm... Okay. You know, I was poised to pounce. I'm like a puma who's poised to pounce. Wait a minute, I'm wearing a shirt that says puma on it.

1:05:39 Drew And you gotta pee.

1:05:40 Adam Sweet. Yeah, I'm poised to pounce and pee like a puma. Now, should we take a break? Yeah. I'm now scared to go out there. You didn't tip him off, did you? Okay, we're going to take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Jessie, female, 15. Virgin boyfriend has pierced penis. What? She's a virgin and her boyfriend has a pierced penis. Wants to know if it'll hurt her after this.

1:06:14 Caller Hey, everyone, this is Tommy.

1:06:16 Caller And Pamela Lee. And you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. All the sexual information you could possibly need.

1:06:24 Caller Yeah.

1:06:26 Adam Those were the days.

1:06:28 Drew It was a happier time.

1:06:29 Adam That's right. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. And let's get back to the phone, see if we can't save. North America. Jesse?

1:06:40 Caller Yeah?

1:06:41 Adam You're 15?

1:06:42 Caller Yeah.

1:06:42 Adam What's up?

1:06:44 Caller Okay, well, like, you know, like, I'm a virgin and I'm starting to think of having sex with my boyfriend. But he has this, like, his dick pierced.

1:06:51 Caller Uh-huh.

1:06:52 Drew How old is he?

1:06:53 Caller He's 18.

1:06:54 Drew Uh, what's the hurry?

1:06:56 Caller Come on.

1:06:59 Adam You're calling from Sunland?

1:07:00 Caller Yeah.

1:07:01 Adam That's trouble already.

1:07:02 Caller Well, thanks.

1:07:04 Adam Oh, that place is a pit.

1:07:05 Caller Yes, it is.

1:07:06 Adam The people in North Hollywood and Van Nuys laugh at people in Sunland. They think they're high for living there. A lot of meth around there, right?

1:07:17 Caller Yeah, generally.

1:07:18 Adam Okay.

1:07:18 Caller Well, I'm far protected because I went to a Catholic school for nine years.

1:07:21 Adam Is this guy from Sunland?

1:07:23 Caller Nope, from Altadena.

1:07:27 Adam That could go either way.

1:07:29 Drew He's too old.

1:07:30 Adam Yeah, 18 with a Johnson piercing.

1:07:33 Drew What kind of piercing does he have?

1:07:36 Caller Right now, he has a phrenum and a Prince Albert. He wants to get another phrenum.

1:07:41 Drew Why are you attracted to a guy like that?

1:07:43 Best Of Huh?

1:07:43 Drew What do you find attractive with a guy like that?

1:07:45 Best Of Well, he's sweet.

1:07:47 Drew Sweet?

1:07:48 Adam He has two piercings and he's going for a third on the dork?

1:07:53 Caller Yeah.

1:07:54 Adam Yeah. I guarantee this guy's got problems.

1:07:56 Drew Yeah, that's not sweet.

1:07:58 Caller No, he's a sweet guy, but he does have problems.

1:08:00 Drew Well, you, Jesse.

1:08:01 Adam Hold on a second. Anderson's got to drop that because she said she's kind of debating. I mean, you know, going with her Catholic school upbringing and everything, whether she should F him or not. She said the whole word. What is up with her? Yeah. Hold on. I got to yell at her. Honey?

1:08:21 Caller Yeah?

1:08:22 Adam Are you high?

1:08:23 Caller No.

1:08:23 Adam Do you think you can just use the F word on the goddamn radio?

1:08:27 Caller Sorry.

1:08:29 Adam Yes, you should be. All right. Now I'm told our guard is asleep again. This really turned into more trouble than it's worth. Okay. I don't trust this guy. Now I'm wondering about you. What's up with you?

1:08:43 Caller Nothing. I'm straight edge and a virgin.

1:08:46 Adam Okay.

1:08:47 Caller No, but what?

1:08:49 Adam Is your dad around? Is he a biker?

1:08:54 Drew No.

1:08:55 Caller He's a graphic artist.

1:08:57 Adam Aha.

1:08:58 Drew Is he unavailable to you in some way? Does it make you angry?

1:09:02 Caller Not really.

1:09:03 Drew Not really.

1:09:03 Adam Does he do a lot of drugs?

1:09:05 Caller No.

1:09:06 Drew No.

1:09:06 Adam Don't graphic artists do drugs? Yeah. Well, I guess the question is, is he doing advertising or is he doing Yes record albums?

1:09:17 Caller Advertising.

1:09:18 Adam All right. Do people know what Yes is? I see. He does advertising. All right. Are you mad at him?

1:09:25 Caller Not really.

1:09:27 Drew What is the hesitation?

1:09:29 Caller Well, like, I don't know. He sort of favors my older sister.

1:09:35 Adam Payback time for daddy. Got a guy with a couple of barbells through his dork. Time to pay him back. Jesse?

1:09:42 Drew Whatever you do, make sure he wears a condom. He has to wear special condoms that you get at the piercing shops that are reinforced. You've got to have that.

1:09:50 Caller Okay. But like, there's also this other problem with him because he was in a mental hospital for a while. So.

1:09:57 Adam Hey, guys, you're listening to this with daughters. Pay attention to them. Do you understand? This is what you get. All the Catholic school in the world is not going to keep them away with a guy with a barbell through his door.

1:10:08 Drew And committed for a few months.

1:10:10 Adam Yeah. Jesse.

1:10:11 Caller Yes.

1:10:12 Adam I'm telling you. I'm telling you now that this is going to haunt you, this move with this guy.

1:10:18 Drew What's the play? Are you going to marry him?

1:10:19 Caller Oh, probably not.

1:10:21 Drew Yeah, probably not.

1:10:22 Caller No way.

1:10:23 Caller I don't want to get married, actually.

1:10:25 Drew Good.

1:10:26 Adam All right. You can't just find a guy who's, you know, 16 and goes to your school.

1:10:32 Drew Did your parents fight a lot or something, too?

1:10:34 Caller My parents are like somewhat divorced. They're separated but not divorced.

1:10:38 Caller Yeah.

1:10:38 Drew Do they really fight a lot at one time?

1:10:40 Caller Sort of.

1:10:41 Drew A lot?

1:10:42 Caller Well, my mom's sort of an alcoholic druggie.

1:10:44 Caller Ah.

1:10:46 Adam I said, there's some issues here, Jesse. And they're not going to be solved with this guy. This guy has a history of mental instability. He's got a ton of problems. He's going to take you with him. Okay?

1:10:59 Drew When you're at a crossroads, you're 15.

1:11:01 Adam So just know that.

1:11:02 Drew There's no way you can handle this at your age.

1:11:05 Adam And look, this is the kind of guy that you have sex with him, you break up three weeks later, and he takes a dead possum and puts it on your door with a dagger through it. Well, maybe not a possum, but you know what I'm saying. Brian?

1:11:19 Best Of Hey there.

1:11:19 Adam Hey, you're 21. Yeah. What's up?

1:11:22 Caller I know.

1:11:23 Best Of Well, okay, here's the deal.

1:11:24 Adam You're a virgin?

1:11:27 Caller Well, yeah.

1:11:28 Adam Yeah.

1:11:29 Caller How do you know that?

1:11:30 Drew You can tell the voice.

1:11:30 Adam Yeah.

1:11:31 Best Of You are good.

1:11:32 Adam Yeah, I don't care what the age is. I mean, here Brian is 21. Now, what percentage of 21 year olds who call this show are virgins, Drew?

1:11:39 Drew Rare.

1:11:40 Best Of I think 10 to a percent. Five, four percent.

1:11:41 Drew Two percent, yeah.

1:11:42 Adam Under five percent.

1:11:43 Caller Yeah, it's very low.

1:11:44 Adam I heard three syllables out of Brian's mouth. I knew he was a virgin.

1:11:48 Caller Very, come in.

1:11:49 Best Of Very good for you.

1:11:50 Adam Thank you. What's up?

1:11:52 Caller Okay, well, here's the deal. I think that I'm a homosexual.

1:11:56 Best Of But, and I know you frowned upon junior colleges. But I just graduated from one and I'm moving to a four-year university.

1:12:03 Adam Wow.

1:12:04 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:12:05 Best Of Isn't that crazy?

1:12:06 Adam What are you? What's your ethnicity?

1:12:08 Caller I'm Caucasian.

1:12:09 Adam White guy graduating junior college in two years?

1:12:12 Caller Crazy.

1:12:13 Adam I don't believe it.

1:12:14 Caller No.

1:12:15 Best Of What I think it is about junior colleges is that some people just mature faster than others.

1:12:21 Caller No, I'm serious.

1:12:22 Best Of Like some people settle down and are smart and some people take a while and then they get around to it.

1:12:26 Caller All right.

1:12:27 Adam Well, one of the success stories from the junior college system.

1:12:33 Caller But a version.

1:12:34 Adam Okay.

1:12:35 Best Of But anyways, okay. So I'm going to a four-year university and they've got a pretty active campus and liberal thought. And I'm afraid that I'm going to be confronted with a lot of choices soon.

1:12:49 Drew Good.

1:12:50 Best Of Oh, well. But my family is very involved in the church.

1:12:54 Caller It's like a pretty conservative.

1:12:55 Drew At the school?

1:12:56 Best Of What?

1:12:57 Drew At the school where you're going to be going?

1:12:58 Best Of No, no, no. Well, the school is about an hour and a half north.

1:13:01 Drew So what the hell do you carry? You're developing a life of your own away from your family. It's fine.

1:13:08 Best Of But it's counter to what they want. You know what I mean?

1:13:11 Adam Well, good. It's payback time. That's what I say.

1:13:13 Caller It's not payback time at all.

1:13:15 Best Of I mean, I don't know what it is, but it's just like...

1:13:18 Adam Hey, you're gay. That's fine. Yeah. You weren't created in the lab or the basement. You're true gay.

1:13:24 Best Of Do you think I should just go... Do you think I should talk with them about it before I go?

1:13:28 Drew No. You got a group of friends. You need a much...

1:13:30 Adam Yeah, they're going to freak.

1:13:31 Drew Yeah, you need a supportive network of friends to fall back on if they freak out.

1:13:35 Caller Right.

1:13:35 Drew And talk to other people who have been through this, get their input, get support from them. And then if you want to go back and do it in a couple of years, fine. Not now.

1:13:42 Caller So I should sit down.

1:13:43 Drew You're not even clear. You're not even clear, Gay. It's like you want to.

1:13:45 Best Of I mean, I'm sort of confused about everything.

1:13:47 Drew Oh my God. Do you imagine what that's going to do to your mass?

1:13:52 Adam Have you been with a guy before?

1:13:54 Best Of Please, no.

1:13:55 Adam No?

1:13:55 Drew How dare you, Adam?

1:13:58 Adam Well, OK, you're going to what four year college are you going to?

1:14:02 Best Of University of Michigan.

1:14:04 Adam And that'll be an hour and a half away from where your folks live.

1:14:07 Best Of Yeah.

1:14:07 Adam And you'll live there?

1:14:09 Best Of Yeah. I'm dorming.

1:14:11 Adam OK. So you live in the dorm. Here's the thing. Don't make a move yet. No. Go to the dorm, assimilate into the college life, find out, you know, get in the gay groups and everything. Meet a guy, take it slow, figure things out. And if you want to make the announcement to your parents a year or two from now, fine.

1:14:31 Best Of OK. So a year or two, like.

1:14:33 Adam Yeah.

1:14:34 Best Of I mean, should I just do that, like, over a weekend or wait for something?

1:14:37 I mean, you'll know.

1:14:38 Drew Just relax. OK, so I should hurry.

1:14:40 Adam Call us in a year.

1:14:41 Best Of Sit them down in the make an anniversary day.

1:14:44 Drew It's probably going to come more along the times around time when you want them to meet one of your friends.

1:14:49 Adam And if your parents are so anti-gay, though, why? Why are you so anxious to tell them?

1:14:54 Caller Well, no, I'm not in a hurry.

1:14:55 Best Of I mean, it's just see, that's the thing.

1:14:57 Caller They are anti-meetings.

1:15:00 Drew I get the feeling you want them to convince you out of it. You want them to get you back and bring you back into the fold somehow.

1:15:06 Caller Well, it's been I mean, it's not.

1:15:08 Drew That's your fantasy, isn't it?

1:15:09 Caller No, it's not. Well, I guess maybe.

1:15:11 Drew Yeah, just let go of that.

1:15:13 Caller It's not going to happen. I mean, it's hard to individuate.

1:15:16 Drew It's hard to be separate from your family when you love them. But this is you and it's fine. And they if they are really the good people you claim they are, they will be fine with it. Or else perhaps they're not who you think they are, which is also then important that you individuate.

1:15:30 Adam But let's not drop the bomb on them yet. They'll get established in college.

1:15:34 Drew That's you're far enough out that if they do freak out, you're fine. You're whole. You're separate.

1:15:39 Adam That's right. Brian? Yeah. Dad's going to freak. Brian, you're 14. Yeah. What's up?

1:15:44 Drew They're going to do an exorcism. Really? That's what I'm at. Flash it through my head.

1:15:49 Caller Yeah.

1:15:50 Best Of I was over at my girlfriend's house just this night, you know, or the other night.

1:15:54 Caller And I was hard and I just stuck it inside of her, but I didn't ejaculate or anything.

1:16:00 Drew Jesus, even just that at 14 changes the voice.

1:16:04 Adam Yeah.

1:16:05 Caller I surprised myself.

1:16:06 Drew Listen to that. He's 14.

1:16:08 Adam Yeah.

1:16:08 Caller I think she's listening right now.

1:16:10 Drew Our last caller sounds younger than Brian. Who knows what Brian sounded like before he did this?

1:16:16 Adam You put your penis in something. Yeah. He probably sound like Georgette from Mary Tyler Moore.

1:16:28 Caller I haven't heard that one. Yeah.

1:16:30 Adam Only Drew knows that.

1:16:31 Drew Is that Betty White? Which one was Georgette? Oh, it was Betty White. I remember the weird voice.

1:16:35 Adam You know what I love about you? You can really just cramp on a very good reference. That was Ted Knight's girlfriend with the real squeaky voice.

1:16:42 Caller Yeah.

1:16:42 Drew I remember the squeaky voice.

1:16:44 Caller It was squeaky.

1:16:45 Drew It was really squeaky.

1:16:46 Caller All right.

1:16:46 Adam Anyway, yes, we want to know if she's pregnant.

1:16:50 Best Of If she could be, yeah.

1:16:50 Drew Yeah, she could be.

1:16:52 Best Of Well, what should we do about that?

1:16:53 Drew Morning after pill.

1:16:55 Adam How long ago did you do this?

1:16:57 Best Of Just the other night, one night ago.

1:16:58 Caller It's only been 24 hours.

1:16:59 Drew Planned Parenthood, 800-230.

1:17:03 Best Of What?

1:17:03 Caller Hold on, let me, I'm going to write this down.

1:17:06 Adam Are you a leaker, Brian?

1:17:09 Drew Do you leak semen?

1:17:11 Caller No, I don't think so.

1:17:12 Drew Well, you can't tell, who knows. 230-PLAN.

1:17:16 Best Of It's not working, sorry.

1:17:18 Caller I should have got this in earlier.

1:17:20 Adam That's all right. I like the guy who talks to himself.

1:17:23 Drew PLAN.

1:17:24 Caller PLAN.

1:17:25 Drew Air code 800.

1:17:27 Caller 1-800?

1:17:29 Drew All right.

1:17:30 Caller Yeah.

1:17:30 Adam All right, sweet pea.

1:17:31 Drew Check it out, go with her.

1:17:33 Caller Thank you.

1:17:33 Adam All right.

1:17:34 Caller Bye.

1:17:35 Love you.

1:17:37 Adam You love me, Brian?

1:17:38 Caller Yeah, you too, Adam.

1:17:39 Adam All right. Say I love you. I love you, too, Adam. Just go, love you.

1:17:43 Caller Love you.

1:17:44 Drew I love you, too, man. All right.

1:17:46 Adam Let's talk to Sam. Sam?

1:17:49 Caller Hello?

1:17:49 Adam 14?

1:17:50 Caller Okay.

1:17:51 Adam What's happening?

1:17:52 Caller I wanted to say that you're freaking like, oh my God, dude, you're my idol, I swear to God.

1:17:57 Adam Who, me?

1:17:57 Caller Yeah, both of you guys.

1:17:59 Adam Hey, I love you, Sam.

1:18:01 Caller I swear to God. Oh my God, I want to marry you guys, I swear to God.

1:18:05 Drew Yeah, that's right. Wow, you imagine, that's what Sam, what a life that would be, Adam.

1:18:09 Adam Yeah, you watch Sam, I'm going out, Drew.

1:18:13 Drew No. Yeah, it's your turn. We're going to stay together.

1:18:16 Adam Oh really?

1:18:16 Drew The three of us, man.

1:18:17 Adam Put the car seat in the Jeep, let's go.

1:18:20 Drew All right.

1:18:21 Adam All right, Sam, what's up?

1:18:22 Caller Okay, I wanted to, first off, I wanted to ask, whatever happened to that guy who farts on demand?

1:18:27 Drew We had a couple of those, he hasn't called us back recently, maybe we changed our hotline number or something?

1:18:31 Adam Yeah, what, is his name Tyler? Anderson remembers. Alright, yeah, if you fart on demand or on command, call this show because I missed that. Thank you, thanks for bringing that up Sam. What else?

1:18:45 Caller Oh, and I wanted to also say, you remember that one guy who wanted to kick your ass like a year ago or something?

1:18:51 Drew Yeah, I remember him.

1:18:52 Caller Cause he got all mad, whatever happened with that?

1:18:54 Drew Nothing.

1:18:55 Adam I don't know.

1:18:56 Caller What was that all about?

1:18:57 Nothing.

1:18:58 Adam Disgruntled caller. I told him to bring it on though, he chose not to.

1:19:03 Caller Well, I was waiting for you.

1:19:04 Adam Well, thanks, Sam.

1:19:05 Caller Well, anyway, my question is, I was with this girl like five months ago, right? And then I broke up with her. And she keeps calling me, she's obsessed over me and stuff. And she keeps trying to talk to me. And I keep telling her to leave me alone. But I don't know how to just tell her to leave me alone, you know?

1:19:23 Drew Well, what have you told her exactly?

1:19:24 Caller Well, like she called to it, right, when I was sleeping, and she woke me up, so I pissed me off. So then she's all, oh, you said this and that, we were together, and I was all, uh-huh, I don't care, uh-huh, uh-huh, okay, uh-huh. And I was just saying, like, just like, trying to get her to leave me alone. And then she goes, so do you want to talk to me about it? And I was all, no, and I just clicked on it, right? But she keeps calling me, like, over and over again, and I don't know, like, really what to say to her. All right.

1:19:47 Adam You kid, do you know when she calls? Can you not pick up?

1:19:52 Caller But she even, like, writes that to me at school.

1:19:54 Adam Oh, with the S-word, poor Anderson over there. He's trying to look at the internet porn, and you idiots keep using the S and the F-word on the air you drive, and the poor guy nuts. And Anderson, what does it sound like, by the way, when you dump the call that does that thing?

1:20:12 Caller It's just blank. It's dead air.

1:20:14 Drew For how long?

1:20:15 Caller For however long I hold the button, though.

1:20:17 Drew But for that one word or for the whole?

1:20:18 Caller If I'm good enough, I'll just get the one word, but sometimes I have to hold down a full sentence.

1:20:22 Adam Okay. So should I just quit talking when you do that?

1:20:25 Caller Yeah. It'd be great if we just quit talking and just hung up on them immediately.

1:20:28 Adam I see. All right. Well, I did that.

1:20:30 Caller Thank you.

1:20:30 Caller Yeah.

1:20:32 Adam Really, really, I think fully one-third of this show is done under the dump button. I'm not even sure how much of it gets out over the air anymore.

1:20:40 Drew So much of what you say has to get dumped.

1:20:42 Caller Yeah.

1:20:43 Adam All right. You're lucky I'm tired, Drew. Sam, don't talk to her, and thank you for worshiping us, but we got to take a break.

1:20:59 Caller Hey, everybody.

1:21:00 Adam Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. We're going to hop back to them phones. Jesus, I'm tired. Two nights in a row, I went to the Man Show and then came here, you know? I like to pop home.

1:21:17 Drew Oh, I see. You didn't go home.

1:21:18 Adam I leave in the morning, and sometimes I don't make it back home again. So it's a long haul. It's tough, too, you know, sitting around, throwing a Nerf ball.

1:21:27 Drew Farting.

1:21:28 Adam Not only farting, but thinking of fart-related jokes. Yeah. And then in here to make fun of teenagers. It's a strain.

1:21:35 Drew Quite a lot.

1:21:36 Adam Takes a toll. Carina?

1:21:38 Best Of Yeah.

1:21:38 Adam You're 15?

1:21:39 Best Of Yeah.

1:21:39 Adam What's up?

1:21:40 Best Of Hi, how are you doing?

1:21:41 Adam Good. We're good.

1:21:42 Best Of Okay. Yeah, my question was for Dr. Drew. Yeah. I was wondering how long is the effect of acid? How long does it last up to?

1:21:51 Drew It's very unpredictable. Some people get a locked-in syndrome, it goes on for months.

1:21:55 Caller Oh, for real?

1:21:55 Adam Yeah. Those people are called lightweights.

1:21:58 Drew Sometimes. But at least four to six hours.

1:22:01 Caller Oh, it does?

1:22:03 Best Of Because I hurt at least up to like eight hours or something.

1:22:05 Drew Sure, it can. As I said, it can go for several months.

1:22:08 Best Of Oh, for months?

1:22:09 Drew It can go for months if you get one of the locked-in syndromes that sometimes occurs.

1:22:13 Adam Did you take acid?

1:22:15 Best Of No, this is my first time taking it. I'm going to take it on Saturday.

1:22:18 Drew One of the things we know for sure is that under the age of 15, when your brain is still kind of developing, it can cause damage.

1:22:24 Adam What are you going to do when you take the acid?

1:22:27 Best Of It's because we're going to be at a party.

1:22:28 Adam Oh, okay.

1:22:31 Drew Did you hear what I said about damaging the brain?

1:22:33 Best Of Yeah, I heard. A lot of friends told me about that already.

1:22:36 Drew Is that a concern of yours?

1:22:37 Best Of Huh?

1:22:38 Drew Do you understand that you are your brain?

1:22:40 Best Of Yeah.

1:22:41 Caller Okay.

1:22:42 Best Of No, I just wanted to... I was just wondering.

1:22:45 Caller Yeah.

1:22:45 Best Of That's all.

1:22:46 Adam Well, here's the problem, the way I see it, Carina.

1:22:50 Best Of Yeah.

1:22:51 Adam You have two possible outcomes. You could throw up, freak out, and really have a bad trip.

1:22:57 Drew Which would be good. That's what we'll do anymore.

1:22:59 Adam Or you could really enjoy it and then just do it a lot and really just sort of fry your brain.

1:23:07 Best Of Yeah.

1:23:08 Adam So those are the kind of the two scenarios. And they're both bad their own way.

1:23:14 Best Of Oh, and I also was rendering, it's like acid.

1:23:17 Adam Yeah.

1:23:17 Best Of You're like really depressed.

1:23:18 Caller Does it lead up to like you could like try to kill yourself or something?

1:23:21 Drew It can make depression worse sometimes. Sometimes. Why are you so detached? You're not listening to anything we're saying.

1:23:28 Best Of No, I am listening.

1:23:29 Adam Okay. Well, maybe we're saying, Carina, you shouldn't do the acid. You're 15. Give it a little rest. Have a wine cooler or something. Have somebody blow some weed in your face or something. I'm telling you, and girls are much more likely than guys to freak. Acid mushroom freaks out women. Did you know that, Drew?

1:23:52 Drew No, I didn't know that.

1:23:53 Adam You take a group of, I did mushrooms once with a bunch of guys and one girl. Girl went AWOL, freaked out. You guys aren't as strong mentally, you know. You freak easier.

1:24:05 Caller All right. You do.

1:24:06 Drew Just don't do it, Greta. Listen, you're obviously not hearing anything we're saying because we've given you a half a dozen reasons that it's dangerous and not a good idea.

1:24:13 Caller And I understand.

1:24:14 Best Of I'll think about it twice before I do it.

1:24:16 Adam All right. Think twice then do it.

1:24:18 Best Of Okay. And Adam, I wanted to say you're really funny and you're just, you're gorgeous.

1:24:24 Adam I am, huh? Well, thanks. And I don't want to sound too preachy here, but one of the reasons I'm funny is because my brain works pretty good. And even though I did my best to damage it, you know, with football and boxing and stuff like that, I never did any drugs before the age of 18. And I waited for my brain to dry, then I proceeded to damage it. And that's what makes me such an incredible intellect now. All right, Carina?

1:24:47 Best Of Okay, thank you.

1:24:48 Adam Thank you. Good times, baby. All right, let's talk to Julio over here. He's calling from Tijuana, Mexico. Julio?

1:24:58 Caller Oh, hi.

1:24:58 Adam Are you calling from TJ?

1:25:00 Caller Yeah.

1:25:01 Adam Do you live in Tijuana? I didn't know they let people live there. I thought they just bust in whores and pimps and drug addicts. But they actually live there.

1:25:11 Caller Yeah, I was born here.

1:25:12 Adam Wow. Hey, you know, my favorite street there is that Revolution.

1:25:19 Caller Yeah, man.

1:25:20 Adam Yeah, it's got some good clubs there.

1:25:21 Drew It must be like living in Las Vegas. You know, they live in a little community.

1:25:24 Adam It's like some Mexican Las Vegas.

1:25:25 Drew There's this thing off there somewhere that they never go to.

1:25:27 Adam Yeah. Viva Tijuana.

1:25:30 Drew What's your question? What is your question, Julio?

1:25:34 Caller Okay. Well, I go to Scouts, to the Scouts.

1:25:39 Adam The Scouts, Boy Scouts?

1:25:41 Caller The Boy Scouts.

1:25:41 Adam All right.

1:25:43 Drew You're gay.

1:25:44 Adam Drew, please.

1:25:44 Caller Yeah, go ahead. Well, I met a girl in Mexicali.

1:25:49 Adam Mexicali, right?

1:25:51 Caller And well, we started talking to each other and then we started dating and she's my girlfriend. But well, this weekend I'm going to her house. And one of her friends told me that maybe we're going to have sex.

1:26:08 Adam Right.

1:26:08 Drew Is that what you want to do?

1:26:09 Caller And I'm not really sure about it, but.

1:26:12 Drew No, just don't do it if you're not sure about it. You're 15. Relax. Take your time.

1:26:16 Adam She's probably not sure about it either.

1:26:18 Drew I bet. They're just saying that just to sort of.

1:26:20 Adam Just stir you up a little.

1:26:22 Caller Well, if she tells me, then I'm going to do it.

1:26:27 Adam If she wants to have sex, you'll have sex with her?

1:26:29 Caller Yeah, but I'm not sure what to do with it.

1:26:33 Drew You know how to do it?

1:26:34 Caller No, maybe it will finish before it even starts.

1:26:39 Drew That'd be good. That'd be fine.

1:26:41 Adam Hey, well, listen, you need... I was just looking up the screen, Julio from Tijuana, Mexico. It sounded like a joke call. If you're from Tijuana, I guess your name should be Julio, right?

1:26:54 Caller Yeah.

1:26:55 Adam All right. Do you have a condom?

1:26:58 Caller No, I'm going to buy some.

1:26:59 Adam All right, you're going to buy some. And if you have sex, you want to know what to do? All right.

1:27:08 Caller Don't tell him, sir.

1:27:08 Drew No?

1:27:09 Caller Don't tell him?

1:27:10 Drew Less likely to do it if he...

1:27:11 Adam He's going to rupture her eardrum if I don't tell him what to do. All right. I'm going to tell all guys this. Hang on. She's got a bad phone line. She's trying me nuts. Mexico, what a shock. I'm going to tell you guys how to have sex. You got to... First off, the hole's not on the top. It's kind of almost on the... It's the bottom.

1:27:32 Drew Right.

1:27:33 Adam I didn't know that. I thought when a woman stood up, the whole face straight out. Like, you know, you could put a flag pole in her and it would stick straight out.

1:27:42 Drew Oh my God.

1:27:44 Adam But the hole, it faces toward the ground. Yeah. And you got to kind of get your fingers going in there a little bit and kind of find where it is and work it around a little and get the juices flowing and all that before you just have at it with your penis. So you got to kind of get down there and explore a little.

1:28:06 Drew How about the cuddling factor and all that that the women actually are looking for?

1:28:10 Adam You got to do a little cuddling and you know, a little taking it slow and a little rubby-rubby and you know, my carpet bombing technique for the oral sex. Oh, good.

1:28:21 Drew Well, now who knows exactly what he's supposed to do.

1:28:22 Adam Let's go. All right, my employee, but just take it slow. That's what it sounds like when I do the carpet bomb. But I don't think Julio should have sex.

1:28:36 Drew No.

1:28:36 Adam I think he should slow it down. Yeah, a little cuddling.

1:28:39 Caller I agree.

1:28:39 Adam Maybe a handy. Nick?

1:28:43 Caller Yeah.

1:28:43 Adam You're 16?

1:28:44 Caller Yep.

1:28:44 Adam You can fart on command?

1:28:46 Caller Yep.

1:28:47 Adam All right. Now here's what I'd like to hear out of you, Nick. I'd like to hear going in.

1:28:52 Caller Oh, you'd like to hear the in part?

1:28:54 Adam I like the in before it goes out.

1:28:56 Best Of I like, my friends like the in part too.

1:28:57 Adam Yeah. That's a big crowd pleaser. I like the part where, see, because people who can fart on command, suck it in and then spit it out, right? All right. So can we hear that?

1:29:08 Caller Okay. Right here it goes.

1:29:09 Adam All right.

1:29:15 Caller That was a good one.

1:29:17 Adam Yeah, it was solid.

1:29:18 Caller That was an in one too, huh?

1:29:19 Adam Yeah, you can hear the in. That was fantastic.

1:29:22 Caller I think he's impressed himself.

1:29:23 Adam Nick, you must really be a hit over there at the high school.

1:29:26 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:29:27 Adam Ladies love this.

1:29:29 Caller Football camp, it was pretty fun.

1:29:30 Adam Oh, yeah, you went to football camp? Yep. And you did that in and out fart thing?

1:29:35 Caller Get the laugh.

1:29:36 Adam Yeah, I would have been a maniac. I still would be a maniac if I could do that.

1:29:40 Drew Do you have to get any kind of weird position or anything to do this?

1:29:42 Caller Well, I used to have to have my legs up, but then after a while, the other guy was talking about that too.

1:29:47 Adam But now you can do it standing up?

1:29:49 Caller Yep, I got more skilled at it.

1:29:51 Adam Yeah, oh yeah. Who says you don't know a skill then pick up a skill?

1:29:56 Caller Nobody.

1:29:58 Adam Let's hear it one more time, Nick. Thanks. Dr. Drew loves that.

1:30:09 Caller My phone's melted.

1:30:10 Adam Nick, what position are you playing football?

1:30:12 Caller I play DE.

1:30:13 Adam No, defensive end?

1:30:14 Caller Oh my God, you're a big guy.

1:30:16 Caller No, I feel like I'm pretty small, I just got speed.

1:30:18 Adam He's got wheels coming around the corner. You hit the waves, you bulk up a little, and we'll see you on varsity next year. All right, Nick.

1:30:26 Caller Thanks.

1:30:27 Adam Thank you. And call back anytime.

1:30:30 Drew You want to give him the hotline number?

1:30:31 Adam It's a pleasure talking to your ass.

1:30:32 Caller You do.

1:30:33 Adam All right. I don't know. You want to give him the hotline?

1:30:37 Caller No.

1:30:39 Adam Damien says no.

1:30:40 Caller All right.

1:30:41 Drew There we go.

1:30:42 Adam He says, I got something coming on myself.

1:30:43 Caller All right.

1:30:44 Adam Is Nick still there? Hey, Nick? Give me one more. I'm going to see if I can do one with you. Are you ready?

1:30:57 Best Of We'll be right back.

1:31:00 Adam Nick, I let a big one fly right when you were going.

1:31:02 Caller Good job.

1:31:03 Adam Yeah, we're simpatico. We're now brothers.

1:31:06 Caller Yeah, that's good.

1:31:07 Adam All right. Even Nick's like, all right, jackass, get over it. Hey, mine was pretty good though, right?

1:31:16 Caller I'm proud of you.

1:31:16 Adam Thank you. We'll be back. Alrighty. Well, there you go.

1:31:29 Drew Our staff's still on with Nick.

1:31:30 Adam Trying to figure out his ass.

1:31:33 Drew Laughing hysterically, but they're on with him.

1:31:35 Adam Well, there are always some doubters. There are people, well, they didn't believe Jesus Christ when he turned the water into wine.

1:31:45 Drew World was flat.

1:31:46 Adam He parted the Red Sea and forgave some whores. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. That's true. I'm going to go home and talk to him.

1:31:57 Caller And then before after you masturbate.

1:31:58 Adam And when he takes a shower, that's when I whack off. He can't hear me. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:32:06 Caller You're religious.

1:32:07 Caller Oh, I am. But I mean, I'm not like, oh, praise the Lord.

1:32:10 Caller Thank you.

1:32:12 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, July 3, 2001