Episode 1000754887071

3:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

3:20 Adam Yes, indeed, indeed. Well, the hour of truth is almost upon us. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-L-A-V-E-191, fax number 310-854-4455.

3:33 Drew I think I want the cowbell going during this exercise.

3:35 Adam Dr. Drew, if I shake my ass fast enough, my nuts will sound like a cowbell. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Well, for those of you who haven't been listening to the show recently, tonight is the night. Let me just set this whole thing up, starting with the genesis of tonight's expedition. Drew and I have talked for years, probably been more than one year, couple of years about genital warts. Drew has always said that in urban centers, which means people live in populated areas, that it was an amazingly high percentage of people that had genital warts. And the percentage that he quoted always seemed a little bit too high to me. And you've said, I know you've downgraded a little bit. And by the way, Drew, you're not fooling me with these percentages. You're all over the map with these things. You really need to do some research on this. But the point is, and I think even if you do do the research, I mean, we're living in a society where I drive in, I hear PSA for the tobacco companies, and 55,000 Americans died of secondhand smoke last year. So, who the hell knows what the percentages actually are of anything? But the point is, is Drew says it's amazingly high percentage of people who have genital warts, and he was saying 40%, something up around that range. I said that sounded way too high, and he then said, well, the thing is, as many people have them and don't know they have them, including yourself. And I had two things to say to that. How dare you? And how dare you? So it went back and forth, and it was nothing but a sort of argument for at least a year until we finally, with the help of producer Anne and Dr. Marcel, decided to put our money where our mouths were and really get down to this. Now I have never had a wart or lesion on my penis that I did not cause myself, by the way, through a little rough trade on the zipper or by my own hand.

5:45 Drew Yes. That's a callus, not a wart.

5:47 Adam Literally, yes. I refuse to believe that I have genital warts, but Drew says that I may be harboring the virus, not know it, and there's only one way to find it because it may not be accessible to the human eye, and that is something called the woods light. Ironic that you're shining the woods light on one's penis, isn't it?

6:10 Drew I'm not anticipating any wood though.

6:12 Adam No, no. It will be like a...

6:16 Drew Turtle head.

6:16 Adam Well, I think of it as more of a hermit crab that you're going to have to coax out.

6:20 Drew I'm going to have to have you put your thumb in your mouth and blow real hard. I know that's what's going to happen.

6:24 Adam Yeah, you do some blowing and something's coming out of that. I'll tell you that right now. Now, the woods light is basically a device. It has a little handle on it. It's probably about six inches by eight inches. It has a magnifying glass in the center of it, and fluorescent bulbs on each side of it. It sort of resembles one of those lights you might plug in to your cigarette lighter in your car and shine on the swamp when you want to dump the body. But it has a black light in it as well. When you turn the black light on and you dump this one-quarter acetic acid on the area in question, if there is anything that was not accessible to the human eye, it will be with the combination of the acid and the black light. That's what Drew was counting on. Now, our favorite plastic surgeon, Dr. Marcel, has joined us tonight in full surgical scrubs, by the way.

7:20 Well, I figured this was quite the medical procedure. I needed to be dressed for action. It's how it's been today.

7:24 Drew Why not?

7:25 Adam He brought in. Did you change into these scrubs or you just stayed into them?

7:29 Stayed into the work clothes all day.

7:31 Adam Dr. Marcel brought in, was nice enough to bring in the acid, the woods light, some gloves, some eye protection.

7:39 Drew Splash shields.

7:41 Adam Drew's also wearing a blacksmith smock too, a big thick leather smock that goes over his chest.

7:46 Are you kidding?

7:47 Drew I'm wearing a lead shield the radiologist wear.

7:49 Are you going to double glove?

7:50 Adam It's where he catches equipment. Now, Marcel.

7:54 Drew I think we brought a nurse too.

7:56 Adam Yeah, but she's not coming in here. I think he's just trying to get in her pants. She wants to ride in the Porsche. I know how that line goes. Marcel. Oh, and a hair net. Yes, put that hair net on, Drew. Marcel. Now, Marcel, what did you... Marcel's an excellent plastic surgeon. He took some offense to me calling plastic surgeons the pimp of the doctor world. But if not plastic surgeons, then who?

8:20 Well, you do have a point there.

8:21 Adam All right. And I noticed he was wise to take off the pinky ring and gold nugget watch that he bought off the QVC before he came in here tonight.

8:32 I don't even wear a watch.

8:33 Adam All right. Now, what did you do today, Marcel, by the way? Did you do some procedures?

8:37 Did start off with some liposuction, some breast surgery, then just had clinic.

8:43 Drew Let's have Marcel do liposuction on us next.

8:45 Adam All right. And do you understand that Drew resents you because he gets 35 bucks for looking up an old Jew's ass, and you get 15 grand for like 20 minutes of work on some Hollywood bimbo? Do you realize how much he loathes you?

8:59 That's what managed care is done to medicine. It's made us the golden boys.

9:04 Adam Well, it's great because your business is not covered by insurance for the most part.

9:11 No, the cosmetic end. I mean, most plastic surgeons do cosmetic surgery and then they do reconstructive surgery.

9:17 Adam Right. And I know you guys cling to that, but 99 percent of your work is boob enhancement, right?

9:22 Now, a lot of it is, but-

9:24 Adam And you, and that is not covered by medical insurance. But what about breast reductions?

9:30 Those are usually covered by insurance, but managed care has also changed the criteria for that too. You have business people that are making decisions saying, well, we won't cover it anymore because we don't think it's necessary.

9:42 Drew The person has to be crippled. Yeah. Right. Yeah, they're paralyzed below the neck. Okay, now it's time.

9:47 Adam That'd be my policy too, by the way. Anything under the G cup is a stand, or at least I'm not going to have any part of paying for it. So anyway, Drew is here, Marcel is here. We're going to take a couple of calls, and in the next break, we'll then...

10:03 Drew Oh, next break?

10:05 Adam Yeah. So we'll get down to it.

10:06 Drew Okay. I'm kind of nervous.

10:08 You're going to shoot your wad off that early?

10:10 Adam Yes. Molly Sims, by the way.

10:12 Drew It's me, Marcel. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

10:15 Adam I was going to say that Molly Sims, who's the model, the new model, who hosts House of Style, will be in here at the 11 o'clock hour, and I'm hoping to get my penis back in my pants before she arrives.

10:29 Drew He's insisting on no handling of the penis.

10:32 Adam I can handle my penis.

10:33 Drew So I don't know how to stand A, how I'm going to get the acetic acid on.

10:35 I was going to say, in its shrunken state.

10:37 Drew Oh, and B, how I get through the folds and the skin.

10:40 Adam You can... Listen, I'll dump the acetic acid on my penis. I've done it a thousand times.

10:47 Drew Oh my God. You actually brought money.

10:48 Adam I brought my hundred dollars.

10:49 Drew I'm going to get a check out.

10:51 Adam Oh, you are such a cheap hebe. My God. Drew, you're going to get a check out? You son of a bitch.

10:59 Drew Let's go to an ATM. All right. Is there an ATM right here? Adam, I'll run out the break.

11:03 Adam What check? I'm a very busy man. I don't have time to go down and hammer a check.

11:09 Drew I'll run out to an ATM right now.

11:10 Adam Oh my God, Drew, where, okay.

11:13 Drew And help me.

11:14 Adam Did you bring your checkbook?

11:16 Drew Yeah.

11:16 Adam Okay, because if you write me a check, it's for 120, not for 100. It's going to, hey, gas, time, you know what I mean?

11:23 Drew I'll run out to an ATM. I'll probably get murdered out there. It's Culver City, for Christ's sake.

11:27 Adam You can go 120 on the check. You want to go 120? And if you write the check, you can probably write it off. It's a business expense.

11:34 Drew There you go.

11:35 Adam All right, 120 on the check. I got 100. The tax man will never know about this. So I'm going to put my $100 down here because after all, that was a bad on top of the... Wow, Marcel, you really...

11:45 Drew Marcel, do you have 100 bucks with you?

11:46 You really brought some money.

11:48 Adam You don't? Jesus, spent it all on the porch and the golden nugget watch. All right, so take a couple of calls and then...

11:56 Drew Rare form tonight.

11:58 Adam Then the penis is coming out.

11:59 Drew He's scared. This is how he deals with fear and anxiety and pain. He's in pain.

12:03 Adam You're projecting, Drew. Crystal? Yeah. You're 16.

12:07 Drew Yeah.

12:07 Adam Yeah, I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous. I really do. Thank God I rarely ever get laid or I'd really be nervous. Crystal?

12:14 Yeah.

12:14 Adam What's up?

12:15 Well, sometimes right before we have sex, we just, you know, put it in just to get things going. And sometimes we...

12:21 Adam That's how I got warts.

12:23 What?

12:23 Adam Yeah. You put it in, right?

12:25 And sometimes we overdo it, but we never let it go all the way. I was just wondering how big of a percentage could you get pregnant from just doing that?

12:34 Drew 100 percent.

12:35 Adam Yeah.

12:35 Drew If you get pregnant that way, it's 100 percent. We don't know. You can't give a number on what the probabilities are.

12:41 Adam What's your boy? I can factor in some probables. So what's your boyfriend do for a living?

12:49 He works at a grocery store.

12:50 Oh, hi.

12:51 Adam How old is he?

12:52 He's 17.

12:53 Adam 17. Is he out of high school?

12:55 No.

12:56 Adam No. I see. And how are your parents? Are they together? No. No. All right. There's a high likelihood that eventually you're going to get pregnant. Well, here's the deal. Even if it's 10%, you guys are boffin 10 times a week, right?

13:13 Caller No.

13:14 Adam How often are you doing it?

13:17 Caller About once every other week.

13:19 Adam Wow.

13:19 Caller A little less.

13:20 Adam All right. Still, it's only going to take you six months to get to 10 times. Do you know what I'm saying? Actually, five months.

13:27 Drew Why don't you get on the pill?

13:29 Caller I don't know.

13:31 Drew Or have the morning after pill available if it's only-

13:33 Caller We just used condom, so just never even got the pill.

13:36 Adam All right.

13:36 Drew So he does some without the condom though.

13:39 Not out of the way.

13:40 Adam Okay. Listen, screwball, you're going to get pregnant and by the way, you've just cursed yourself by making this phone call. Now, you're definitely going to get pregnant if you continue with this. All right?

13:49 Drew Except you cursed yourself, maybe now.

13:51 Adam No. No, the curse is on. Curse on. All right, goofball. Ralph?

13:58 Yeah, that's me.

13:59 Adam You're 27.

14:00 Caller That's correct.

14:02 Adam Ralph, if you're a betting man, who would you bet on, my penis or Drew's eagle eye?

14:08 Caller I'm betting on your penis.

14:10 Adam Thank you.

14:11 Drew And is there an ATM around here? Seriously.

14:14 Adam Drew, I went to the ATM on the way here and got money out of it.

14:17 Drew I should have done the same thing. I know.

14:19 Adam Yeah, you're very passive aggressive, Drew. Drew, you do have your checkbook though, right?

14:23 Drew I do.

14:24 Adam I'll take one for $120.

14:25 Drew Yeah, but some of the drama of this money sitting here just isn't quite as a, you know what I mean? If I could.

14:30 Adam You're such a retard with that, so.

14:32 Drew Yes. That's why I like to make it right.

14:35 Adam All right. Okay. I know there's a 7-Eleven around here.

14:39 There's a B of A across the street.

14:41 Adam Oh, there is?

14:41 Drew Can I bring the security guard with me?

14:43 Adam Yeah. Yeah, take the security guard. Why don't you just go now?

14:46 Drew Yeah, Marcel can answer this.

14:47 Adam Yeah, Marcel's a doctor.

14:47 Drew Let me just quickly. I want to hear what he wants to say about this, then I'll go do it.

14:50 Adam Ralph, you're 27?

14:51 Caller Yeah, I was watching The O'Reilly Factor today, and they were talking about a male birth control pill, and they didn't mention the name of it or what it was called or when it would be available, and I was kind of wondering about it.

15:05 Drew There are a few of the things being tested out there. One of the things I read about that I thought was intriguing is the medication nifedipine turns out paralyzes sperm. They can't move. They came upon this serendipitously when they noticed at a fertility clinic, multiple men who were presenting with difficulty with sperm motility happened to be on that medication.

15:24 Caller Yeah, but those guys are also having chest pain and maybe not having much sex.

15:29 Drew No, they were going to fertility clinic, though. No, but the point is, I don't know the first. No, they'd be on just for high blood pressure.

15:35 Adam Okay.

15:35 Drew Listen, I heard this report too. Oh, and what were they talking about?

15:38 Adam They said they're testing it on guys in Scotland and China or something.

15:44 Drew Is it like an antibody thing or?

15:46 Adam I'm not sure the way it works. They have some of the elements than the female birth control pill or in this pill apparently. They say it's been very effective and it should hit the streets in five years. That's what the news is, so I don't know exactly how it works.

16:04 Drew It's hard to turn off sperm production and all of it without really screwing around with the male's endocrine system, really screwing around with it.

16:11 Adam That's always been my argument. All right, Drew, go to the ATM, get 100 bucks, and then hustle back in here. Marcel, you hang out here, you pick the phone calls. You've done this before, just like old times. Marcel, can you believe how cheap Drew is? The first thing he said is, I'll cut you a check. As soon as I told him that check was going to be for 120, I tell him to go to the ATM.

16:33 Caller He's pulling security and running.

16:35 Adam People think I'm kidding, Drew, but he is so cheap. It's great.

16:39 Caller Squeaks.

16:41 Caller When that wallet gets pulled out, it squeaks.

16:43 Adam Yeah. There's cobwebs, big dust cloud comes out. There's an old church mouse was running around in his wallet last time he opened it up, and it was blind. It had not seen sunlight in so many years. Beth?

16:58 Caller Yeah.

16:58 Adam You're 20.

16:59 Caller Yeah.

17:00 Adam What's up?

17:01 I have a question about ectopic pregnancy.

17:03 Adam All right.

17:04 Dr. Drew, I had a friend who had an ectopic pregnancy and she had an abortion because of it. Her doctor suggested that. Is there any possible way she could have had some sort of a surgery to move the developing fetus into her uterus?

17:18 Adam All right. Hold on. Marcel, ectopic is where the egg starts developing in the fallopian tube?

17:23 Caller Wrong spot, right. It can start developing in the fallopian tube.

17:25 Adam And it just can get bigger and blow it up, right?

17:27 Caller Correct.

17:28 It could kill the mother. But could it have been possibly surgically removed and put into the uterus rather than aborting the embryo?

17:37 Caller I don't think that the technology for fetal or very young infant type surgery like that has been advanced to the point where you can transplant the fetus and the growing placenta and put it somewhere else in the uterus where it will take.

17:51 Right. So pretty much she had no choice. She had to get an abortion. Otherwise, she could have killed herself.

17:55 Adam Yes.

17:56 Caller She certainly could have been a very sick person.

17:58 Adam Beth, why are you obsessed with this?

18:00 Oh, I'm not obsessed with it. I'm just curious.

18:02 Adam Well, I mean, if the doctor said to her, hey, you need to abort this.

18:06 I'm not a Bible beater. Calm down.

18:07 Adam I know. But I'm saying if the doctor said, hey, this is the procedure you need to do and she followed her doctor's orders, why would you question it after that?

18:16 Well, she wanted to have a baby. She's 23. She's married. She wanted to have a child. She really didn't want abortion to be her option.

18:22 Adam Right.

18:22 So, I mean, I'm thinking if there's any other way, I mean, we could have funded. But if there's no way, then that's how it goes.

18:29 Adam No. All right.

18:30 All right. Thank you.

18:31 Adam All right, Beth. Take care of yourself there. Again, my penis will be checked under the black light with the one quarter acetic acid. And what would 100... What is this acetic acid I'm dumping on my penis?

18:45 Caller You're going to smell like a salad.

18:47 Adam I try to... I try to keep acid away from my penis. It's one of the few things my dad taught me.

18:55 Caller Just salad dressing.

18:56 Adam All right. Except for this thing cost 75 bucks.

19:01 Caller Probably.

19:01 Adam All right. But don't worry. You just ripped it off from the supply. Yeah. Good. All right. And Drew is going to the ATM to get his $100 out because we have $100 on the line. And my penis will be coming out probably about 10 minutes now, right, in the next break. Sarah.

19:18 Caller And I picked this call because of this topic. Because of what's going on coming up.

19:23 Adam All right. Sarah, you're 13.

19:25 Caller Yeah.

19:26 Adam Hi. What's up?

19:28 Caller Okay. I have fantasies about like 14 to 16 year old boys being abused sexually and physically by other men.

19:38 Adam Perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy.

19:40 I know you're going to say that.

19:42 Adam I know. You mean you have sexual fantasies about that?

19:47 Caller Like it like like that's what I like to think about. Like if I'm going to like sit there and not do anything, I like to think about that kind of stuff. Like I feel bad for like the boy or whatever.

19:57 Adam But you don't.

19:58 Caller If I could, I'd go out with someone like that.

20:00 Adam Yeah. You don't see this is why women are different than guys. When guys sit around and think about something, they whack off. You don't masturbate to this, do you?

20:10 Caller No.

20:11 Adam You just are sort of obsessed with it.

20:13 Caller Yeah.

20:14 Adam Yeah. Why do you think that is?

20:17 Caller Well, I was kind of abused when I was little.

20:20 Adam Well, that sounds like something. Why do you think you think about boys though being abused?

20:27 Caller I have no idea.

20:29 Adam Do you have any brothers?

20:30 Caller No. I'm an only child.

20:34 Adam And you were physically abused?

20:36 Caller No. I was a little bit, I guess. I was a little bit physically abused and a little bit sexually abused.

20:42 Adam So just a sprinkling of physical and sexual abuse?

20:45 Caller Yeah.

20:46 Adam Yeah. And how do you get just sort of a little bit sexually abused?

20:50 Caller Like it wasn't like a whole bunch. Like it wasn't like, I don't think it really damaged me that much. Like I don't sit and cry about it.

20:58 Adam Who did it?

21:00 Caller My babysitter's daughter.

21:02 Adam Your babysitter's daughter sexually abused you?

21:05 Caller Yeah.

21:05 Adam Drew got us 100.

21:06 Caller It was like a little mini daycare sort of thing.

21:09 Adam Hold on a second. Drew, I know we're talking about how cheap you were when we left. When you put your ATM card, when you put the card in the machine, doesn't it say like, are you sure? Doesn't you have that encoded in your card encrypted somehow?

21:24 Drew You're sending me to the poor house.

21:25 Adam Yeah. Drew's dad was telling me, sending him to the poor house. All right. So Sarah was physically, sexually, I should say, abused by her babysitter who was a female. Now she sort of fantasizes about guys getting physically sexually abused, I should say. Sarah?

21:48 Caller Yeah.

21:49 Adam All right. Did they ever catch this girl? Did they get her to stop?

21:53 Caller Well, no, because I know her. I see her every day, almost, not every day, but she is now all grown up and she works at a record and tape creators.

22:02 Adam Okay.

22:03 Caller So I see her, I'm like, hi, and she's like, hi, but I've never confronted her on it.

22:06 Adam Good times. All right. Listen, if somebody did this to you, you need to talk about it, you need to talk to a counselor, you need to get some help for it.

22:14 Caller Well, I told my mom and she was really upset about it, and that's why I didn't want to tell her.

22:17 Adam I know, but you need to talk to a counselor about it, and don't worry about the fantasies, that will all clear itself up, you have to sort of start at the source of the problem, which is you. Don't examine the-

22:32 Caller The symptoms.

22:33 Adam The symptoms, yes. I was gonna-

22:34 Caller But I'm not that injured.

22:35 Adam The byproduct of it. I know you're not crippled, but things could be better, right?

22:42 Caller I like, I don't know.

22:44 Caller Well, after the abuse segment that you guys are about to perform, you know, that'll change her way of feeling about this.

22:50 Adam Yes.

22:50 Drew Why did she call? No problem.

22:52 Adam I don't know why she called. You're 13, you're sexually abused by your babysitter. It's important that you talk to someone.

22:58 Drew It's going to create an energy that will be potentially unpleasant to you.

23:02 Adam That is our final verdict. All right. Dr. Marcel is here. He's in full surgical scrubs. He has brought gloves. He brought a hockey mask for Drew to put on. He's brought the swabs and gauze. And just last week, I was asking Drew, what happened to gauze? It used to be such an important part of my life and people talked about it.

23:22 Drew These guys call these things, they call them sponges.

23:24 Adam They don't call them gauze anymore. Here's what I'm worried about. Future generations are not going to know what gauze is. I'd like to see gauze make a comeback. That's what I'd like. All right. He has his 25% acetic acid and his black light, all going on my penis after this.

23:47 Caller Um, back in a minute.

24:19 Caller I'm ready.

24:21 Adam That's the sound of my testicles rattling around in my scrotum sack. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Joined tonight by plastic surgeon, extraordinary, Dr. Marcel. Dr. Marcel has brought in a woods light. It is a black light with a magnifying glass built into it. He's also brought in a solution, which is 25 percent acetic acid.

24:45 Drew Quarter percent, 0.25 percent.

24:46 Adam Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, it's a quarter.

24:49 Drew Percent. Quarter percent.

24:51 Adam Quarter percent.

24:52 Drew Yeah.

24:52 Adam Oh, I thought it was a quarter. Good. The rest is muriatic acid, right, Drew?

24:58 Drew Yeah, hydrochloric acid, yeah.

24:59 Adam Yes, my penis will burn right off. All right. Drew, why don't you start gloving up? Start suiting up. Drew is putting on the mask. Now, Drew, I know you hate that mask. Why don't you put that mask on last? If you hate it so much, you put the gloves on.

25:15 Drew It's impossible to put these damn things on.

25:16 Adam Really? Listen, people perform surgery with those gloves on. You can't tie a goddamn mask.

25:21 Drew Not me.

25:22 Adam Yeah. Really, the smarter guys Marcel got into the plastic surgery, right?

25:27 Drew That is for sure.

25:28 Adam Yeah. That's why he's laughing all the way to the bank. Speaking of the bank, we have $200 sitting up here. This is the most I've spent on my penis since I was in Nevada. He is now putting on the Leucite, I'm sorry, the latex gloves.

25:48 Caller Leucite gloves.

25:49 Adam I corrected myself immediately, boys. I'm getting ready to assume the position. So Drew, you're up there.

25:57 Drew Why would this make me so nervous? I don't understand.

25:59 Adam I got to tell you, I'm not exactly comfortable with it myself.

26:03 Drew This is bizarre. I can't even tell you. Wait a minute. You're going to handle it?

26:07 Adam I got to handle the acid. Hold on a second.

26:09 Drew Are you going to handle the penis too? Where are the people staring at us? Look at this.

26:13 Get on your knees, scumbag!

26:15 Drew That's me.

26:15 Adam Marcel, with the camera, by the way. You think you could put the camera down when I get the penis out?

26:21 Caller Well, I don't have a zoom lens.

26:23 Drew What is this plastic surge instinct? They always bring out the camera. Immediately.

26:26 Adam Yeah. Now, what I'm doing is I'm taking this acid and I'm dumping it all over this gauze.

26:33 Drew All over the studio.

26:34 Adam Right. All over the studio, too. I'm going to douse two of them to have plenty for the penis.

26:40 Drew That's good.

26:40 Adam I'm not shy about putting acid on my penis. That's my motto.

26:43 Drew There's so much surface.

26:44 Marcel, move over. I can't see.

26:45 Drew Oh, please.

26:46 Adam Ann, how dare you? All right. Now.

26:50 Drew There we go.

26:50 Adam Jesus Christ. I've never been so nervous in my life. Drew, put the black light on. Don't put the big light on.

26:56 Drew It's kind of a nice effect.

26:57 Adam Marcel, I swear to Christ, if I see a picture of my crank on the internet, I'll sue your ass.

27:05 Adam Marcel, you can't take pictures of my penis. Do you understand that? What? Hey, dude, plastic surgeons take a hippocratic oath as well. All right. I'm dropping my pants now.

27:16 Drew Paint the penis.

27:17 Adam All right. All right. I'm just going to dump it. Let me get a little extra chub going here. Jesus Christ. I'm nervous. All right. All right. The penis.

27:26 Drew Oh, where is it?

27:27 Caller Oh, shut up.

27:28 Adam You see it.

27:29 Caller Wait a minute.

27:30 Adam Hold on a second.

27:31 Drew Before we-

27:31 Caller Oh, even before the acetic acid.

27:33 Adam That's just a little lint. Come on. All right. All right. I'm dousing myself with the acetic acid now. Wait a minute. Yes. I'll put a little extra on the nut for you later, Drew. I know you like that.

27:45 Caller For this, I went to medical school.

27:47 All right.

27:47 Drew We're going to find it.

27:48 Adam All right. I'm going to dump it on me now. All right.

27:51 You ready?

27:51 Drew You got the underside?

27:52 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ. I just dumped acid all over my penis. Oh, thank God I got into radio.

27:59 All right.

27:59 Adam You want me to pull on it?

28:00 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

28:00 Adam What do you see?

28:01 Drew No, not back and forth like that.

28:02 Adam Well, wait a minute. It feels good.

28:05 Drew Let me see the underside.

28:07 Adam Please.

28:07 Caller You know, Adam, I know some guys that do some, like, reconstructive work down there.

28:11 Adam Yeah, I thought that stuff.

28:12 Caller I'll give you their number.

28:13 Adam Just a fat injection would be nice.

28:16 Caller Make it look like a torpedo.

28:16 Drew There's so goddamn much talc and lint. I freaking can't tell. Where's your penis?

28:22 Adam Check my scrotum while you're down there. Would you, brother?

28:25 Drew Nice.

28:25 Adam How about a little a hernia check? All right, now seriously, I can't see anything. Let me see that thing.

28:32 Drew Wait, let me see the other side over here.

28:33 Adam Drew, while you're down there, though...

28:34 Drew Let me see the other side here.

28:35 Adam All right.

28:35 Caller Go ahead and make his day.

28:37 Drew Serious business here now.

28:38 Adam While you're down there, Drew, I have a hernia down there. Can you see that? Can you check that while you're down there?

28:44 Drew I can see a scrotum from behind. That's nice, Ann, thanks.

28:47 Adam Oh, jeez, you've got to get Marcel over there. Ann, you better not be looking at my nuts.

28:52 Drew What is that?

28:54 Adam Oh, please. What is that, Marcel?

28:57 Caller I don't know.

28:58 Adam Oh, please.

28:59 Caller Suspicious.

29:01 Adam Oh, how dare you.

29:03 Adam So, let me see what that is. Get back in there.

29:07 Adam Jesus Christ, this is humiliating. Where? My ass is hanging out, Ann staring at it. All right, get a good look in there.

29:16 Drew See that thing right here, that? You see that?

29:18 Adam That? I can't see it.

29:20 Drew Look with your naked eye.

29:21 Adam I'm looking with my naked eye. You can't see that? That's where my penis attaches to my nuts.

29:28 Caller That's inconclusive, I think.

29:30 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. I got a lot of acid down my pants. All right. Now, here-

29:36 Caller Break for a cigarette or something?

29:40 Adam I feel so dirty, so cheap. I'm going to sit in a tub for two hours tonight, crying in a fetal position.

29:50 Drew I'm trying to wash the filth off me.

29:51 Caller You smell like a salad.

29:54 Adam I dumped a quart of that stuff down my shorts. Oh, this is humiliating.

29:58 Drew This is the worst possible outcome.

30:00 Adam No, it is not.

30:01 Drew Did you not see that thing?

30:02 Caller It's inconclusive.

30:05 Adam If you were Marcel- Listen, I saw nothing by the way, Drew.

30:11 Drew Imagine that.

30:11 Adam Now, Marcel, have you seen this on people before?

30:15 Caller I'm not a dermatologist. I don't go looking for warts.

30:19 Drew It doesn't look like what we were looking at, I must admit.

30:22 Caller I'd have to agree.

30:23 Adam Now, listen, you dump enough vinegar on an area and shine a black light on it, you're going to see something, but you're looking for something specific, right?

30:31 Drew I'm looking for things that look like this.

30:33 Adam All right, but let me bring this up, Drew. If one had this virus, wouldn't one see a proliferation of these things on the penis?

30:45 Drew You might just see one.

30:46 Caller Yeah.

30:47 Adam Okay, Marcel, you stay out of this.

30:50 Drew I'm looking for one, okay?

30:52 Adam I know you're looking for one, but if one had-

30:55 Drew By the way, what's with the talc and the lint? It's like full decoy outfit going on there. It's like you had a thousand tiny warts when the thing lit up.

31:04 Adam What am I supposed to do? Wrap my junk in a hefty bag? A shower.

31:08 Drew You knew you were going to- First of all, not put the talc in. How dare you? Put the damn lint in and the talc.

31:14 Adam I took a shower before I came out here tonight, a rare pre-Loveline shower-

31:20 Drew And then dumped the whole-

31:22 Adam And scrubbed my junk like it was going to perform heart surgery.

31:25 Drew It did smell nice.

31:27 Adam Thank you. Put a little shot of Brute down there for you.

31:30 Drew But the canister of talcum powder.

31:33 Adam I did not dump talc-

31:34 Drew What was all that? That's warts. That's warts.

31:37 Adam That is not warts. You're going to have- Listen, put the stuff on my hand and shine the light on it. You're going to see a certain amount of white stuff on there. Yeah. Yeah, a little yeasty on the peckeroo. All right. So I'm taking this $100. There is no conclusive wardage on that penis.

31:57 Drew I will grant you that.

31:58 Adam All right. And okay. But if you had a patient, if you were looking at their penis, what would you tell them?

32:04 Drew Not to worry.

32:06 Adam Not to worry. Because you would see-

32:08 Drew You would see something.

32:09 Adam Yeah. I mean, it wasn't as if you just took a glance at it from across the room. You were really on my Johnson. I mean, on it, buddy. On. I haven't had a mouth that close to my penis since I worked construction. That was great, Drew.

32:25 Drew I'm glad you enjoyed. Do I get a tip?

32:27 Adam All right. Now, I'm taking this $100, and I'm spending it on what, Drew? Hard candy and crack cocaine.

32:33 Drew Cockroaches, okay.

32:33 Adam That's right.

32:35 Drew Get yourself some warts.

32:35 Adam All right. I think we should break a little bit early so I can ring out my penis, find my dignity, and then we'll come back after this.

32:44 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

33:25 Adam Well, the penis has spoken. Yeah. Yes, indeed, indeed.

33:30 Drew I've come up with a couple of very sobering thoughts during that break.

33:33 Adam What was it?

33:34 Drew One is, that was not your penis. The penis you showed me had never been used.

33:40 Adam Yeah, it really, it looked like a car that had been put up on blocks, covered, and put in a barn.

33:46 Drew Not even your ethnicity.

33:47 Adam Very, very low penis. Yes, I have a black penis. Well, it looked a little purple. It's got a decent hang to it, right?

33:54 Drew Impressive.

33:54 Adam Thank you.

33:55 Drew I know it's not yours.

33:56 Adam Thank you. Drew, I'm willing to go double or nothing on the anus, if you want to check for warts.

34:02 Drew That's actually important because anal warts lead to anal cancer.

34:05 Adam Well, you want to make another trip to the ATM?

34:08 Drew Here's the more disturbing fact is Anderson goes, nobody believes that you were down there doing that, after hearing that, after just suffering through that, that to marry to think the people don't actually understand.

34:18 Adam Anderson is just jaded. Listen to me, I have acetic acid dumped all over my pants.

34:24 Drew My dignity is left down here on the floor somewhere.

34:27 Adam My pants were around my ankles. Marcel?

34:29 Caller I will swear an affidavit that there was an actual exam. I have never seen Drew so intent ever.

34:36 Drew On warts.

34:37 Caller On a man's penis.

34:38 Drew No, that, yeah.

34:40 Adam Yes. All right. So I'm going to take my hundred dollars and score some crack cocaine tonight at the park on the way home. Thank you. And penis in pristine condition, right? No cuts, no bruises, no lesions.

34:51 Drew It's never been used, I'm telling you.

34:55 Adam That's right. I keep it in a Crown Royal sack, and I only take it out after the street lights have come on.

35:00 Drew No wonder you don't have warts. It's never been in contact with a human being.

35:03 Adam Finally, finally, my lack of sexuality has paid off.

35:08 Drew Really, now coming home, just very clearly, just how deprived you've been. You're a 40-year-old man.

35:13 Adam I'm going to celebrate tonight by going to Tijuana and getting a hooker.

35:17 Hey, my money was always on Adam because you can't get anything from pornos.

35:22 Adam That's right.

35:22 Drew I understand. I really didn't understand. Seriously, Anderson, his penis had not been used. It's an unused penis. Low mileage.

35:31 Adam Thank you very much.

35:31 Drew I didn't realize just how serious his solo cause has been.

35:39 Adam Yes. Yes. I'm very, very committed to that.

35:41 Drew Yes.

35:41 Adam Thank you. I believe in abstinence, even in responsible adults. All right. We will hop back on the phones. And again, I want to thank Dr. Marcel for bringing in his woods light, his equipment, his gauze, his gloves, and all the rest of it. Couldn't have been done without him. And we'll speak to Shelly. Shelly is 24. And again, at the 11 o'clock hour, model Molly Sims will be in here, who's the new host.

36:09 Drew I see Molly through the glass now.

36:10 Adam She's very, very impressed with your penis prowess.

36:14 Drew Penis prowess.

36:15 Adam That's right. Spread the word. Pristine penis. Shelly.

36:20 Caller Hi.

36:20 Adam Hi. How are you?

36:22 Caller Good. How are you?

36:23 Adam Well, I couldn't be better. I have a clean bill of health. I have a pristine penis. I have $100 in my wallet.

36:29 Drew It's somebody else's penis. I'm telling you. Where's your penis?

36:35 Adam It's in your ass, Drew. Shelly.

36:38 Caller Yes. All right.

36:38 Adam Go ahead with your question.

36:39 Caller All right.

36:40 Caller I've had a problem that has happened twice.

36:53 Adam Yeah.

36:53 Caller But I don't know until after I've already done it.

36:57 Drew Well, some women urinate.

36:58 Adam Does he think you urinate?

36:59 Caller I don't know it.

37:01 Yeah.

37:03 Adam Well, why do you suspect you urinate? How come you don't know definitively?

37:07 Caller That doesn't really have a smell to it.

37:10 Adam Yeah.

37:11 Caller But I guess urine doesn't always have a smell.

37:13 Drew A lot of women will just have a secretion, have an emission.

37:16 Adam Why don't you have yourself a big bushel of asparagus and then pop a few B vitamins, and really get to the bottom of this? Maybe Drew could show up with this woods light, and really see if he could shine some light on this situation.

37:30 Drew You're a light up too in that woods light. Very nice.

37:33 Adam A wood, yeah. This is the thing I use to check bedspreads when I go to motels. It does work. Yes. I saw Satan when I was at Holiday Inn. Satan was written in semen on the comforter.

37:43 Drew I just want to imagine if you held this thing up to your hamper.

37:46 Adam It would explode.

37:47 Drew There'd be some sort of...

37:49 Adam It'd be like the natural when the ball hit the scoreboard. It'd just be sparks flying everywhere from the hamper in the woods light.

37:55 Drew Big ghost would be, boo.

37:57 Adam Yeah. It'd be like roaches in the kitchen when you flick the light on. All right. So, Shelly. Yes. Well, maybe it's urine. Maybe it's... Does it happen during orgasm?

38:07 Caller No, because I don't think I've ever orgasmed before.

38:10 Drew Was that interesting?

38:11 Adam We heard this call last night.

38:11 Drew We got this call last night.

38:12 Caller Yeah.

38:12 Drew It's very interesting.

38:13 Adam You have a younger sister? No.

38:15 Caller All right. All right.

38:17 Adam So, you get all this and you don't even get your orgasm.

38:19 Drew I understand. It's normal, though.

38:21 Caller Yeah.

38:22 It's pretty flowing, though.

38:23 Caller There's a lot after...

38:24 Adam Okay...

38:25 .until I realize what's happened.

38:26 Adam It's normal, though. Can you try to evacuate yourself before your encounter?

38:31 Caller Yeah.

38:32 Caller But that doesn't...

38:33 Caller I've tried that and the second time that it happened, I did that.

38:36 Adam All right. Hold on. Drew, what is it about people? You stand over the toilet for a half hour and then you hop in the sack and something comes out of you anyway. You know what I mean? What is that little urine storage that humans have? That little emergency urine storage that we all have? What is that?

38:54 Drew Men particularly have that and it gets worse as you get older.

38:56 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake. I know. I take a leak. I get myself all cleaned out. I get into bed. I shut the light. I put my big padded lovey mask on and turn my Sounds of the Pacific Ocean on and five minutes later I'm back up taking another leak. How does that work? I mean, why? Could there be some kind of suction device that you could put on the end of your penis to suck every drop of it out of there?

39:18 Drew No, but we can catheterize you if it's that important to you.

39:21 Adam I'd like to be catheterized. That'll be next week's show.

39:25 Drew We'll have any bet we want to make around that. The volume of remnant, how much post-void residual retained urine, what's it going to be?

39:32 Adam I could not imagine having something put up the urethra. I really couldn't. I don't even like air up there. I put a piece of gum on it before I go to sleep, just so air doesn't get trapped up in there. All right. Rachel?

39:45 Drew Hello?

39:45 Adam Drew, you've taken one of these swabs and put it up one of those old Jews penises that you work on.

39:49 Drew Actually, not this big.

39:50 Adam Not that big?

39:51 Drew Good. A facsimile of this.

39:53 Adam Rachel? Yeah, hi. You're 17. Drew was very impressed with my penis.

39:58 Drew Who's ever this one happened to have been.

40:00 Adam Yes, he doesn't believe his mind.

40:03 Drew I can't believe that Anderson had the tamari to say, people would not believe that you actually did what you did.

40:07 Adam Believe me, the penis was a hanging. All right, Rachel, what do you want?

40:11 Caller A quick thing. There are two commercials all over MTV and on HFS down here about Loveline.

40:19 Adam Really? MTV runs Loveline spots?

40:22 Caller Yeah.

40:23 Adam Not, they say coming up after Daria. Right. Six hours after Daria, tune in for a very special Loveline rerun.

40:30 Caller No, like during the day like a commercial pop-up or something.

40:34 Adam They will not have anybody on that show doing anything, will they?

40:41 Caller No, it's just like a Loveline show and will show like a stupid caller and then you nagging about the stupid caller.

40:47 Adam Oh, really? You're watching Talk Soup. All right, Rachel, listen, what do you want?

40:52 Caller OK, is it worse to not eat at all or to eat and then throw up?

40:57 Drew Yeah, is it death by strangulation or death by bludgeoning, which is worse?

41:02 Adam I'm going bludgeoning.

41:03 Drew OK. Well, look, they're both very.

41:06 Adam It's probably worse not to eat at all. I mean, worse to throw up, wouldn't you say?

41:10 Drew Things can go out of whack quicker with the vomiting stuff. The eating disorder, the problems that people get into can be more difficult to reverse from not eating. OK.

41:21 Caller And will this stick with you forever? Because I've heard once you start, you really can't stop.

41:24 Drew It's a chronic disease.

41:26 Caller Is it?

41:28 Drew It may get better and worse and better and worse. All right.

41:30 Adam So you got to get some treatment, right? Yes, you do.

41:34 Drew Thank you very much. You do. Believe me, it has about a one out of five chance of dying.

41:39 Caller Oh, my god. Are you serious?

41:41 Caller How successful is treatment for this, Drew?

41:43 Drew It's actually very much very similar to addiction treatment, that anyone who does the work gets better. And it's a protracted illness. And it's a constant struggle for a lot of people. It depends what you're talking about as successful treatment. It's really remissions. And people still have some of these behaviors.

41:58 Adam They have like homes set up, right?

42:01 Drew Homes for eating disorder patients.

42:02 Adam Yeah. I mean, they have like, it's, I've seen this on 2020. Some woman, she has a house. There's like 25 women there. They play croquet during the day and then they try to eat at night. I figure you could really get laid in one of those homes. You know what I mean? All those damaged, wounded women in there with the low self-esteem, you know, models and what not. Don't you think? You know what I mean?

42:24 Drew Maybe it's moving in there for you.

42:25 Adam It'd be a good gig for a guy.

42:27 Caller With a pristine penis.

42:28 Adam With a pristine penis. Oh, I'm telling you.

42:31 Drew Do you want some sort of certificate?

42:32 Adam My stock has really gone up in this town.

42:35 Drew But I'm still so disturbed. There's many things about this experience.

42:39 Adam I'd like to start an auction now. Who's going to ruin my penis?

42:43 Drew A, people don't believe. After having gone through such a traumatic experience, no one understands what I've been through and doesn't accept it. B, the lint and the talc I had to dig through to find your penis was offensive.

42:53 Get on your knees, scumbag.

42:55 Drew Wasn't your penis.

42:56 Adam Listen, I want to say something about me, my confidence, my character and my penis. I dumped a quart of this acetic acid on it.

43:04 Caller You did.

43:04 Adam I did not dab it on sparingly. I want like an Armenian puts on cologne. I put that acetic acid on my penis. Kristen?

43:14 Caller Yeah.

43:15 Adam You're 15.

43:16 Caller Yeah.

43:16 Adam What's up?

43:19 Drew Kristen?

43:20 I wanted to know if there was like a legal way that I could get out of my parents' house.

43:26 Drew What's going on in your parents' house?

43:27 Adam What are they doing to you?

43:29 Right now, I'm visiting my mom and my stepdad's in Ass.

43:33 Caller Or sorry, I don't like him.

43:35 Adam All right. But what are they doing? What's he doing to you?

43:38 Caller He like mentally abuses me.

43:41 Adam Through a telepathy or he actually says things?

43:45 Drew Give us an example. What does he say?

43:47 Like, oh, you're going to be pregnant by a 16-year-old welfare mom, da-da-da.

43:51 Drew Now, this is the people you're living with? Or you said you were visiting? What's the situation with the parents you live with?

43:59 Caller At dad's house, he's not there.

44:01 Drew So you either have an abusive stepdad or an absent stepdad, biological dad, right?

44:05 Adam Yeah. He's abusive, but that doesn't sound horribly abusive. I mean, he's not a great guy, but he's not beating you, right?

44:13 Drew No, not really. You got to remember you had an abusive stepparent.

44:16 Adam I did?

44:17 Drew Yes, that's the point. You were being sorely abused.

44:20 Adam She just didn't want me in the house. That's all.

44:22 Drew Oh, please. You were cramping in a tin.

44:25 Adam Yeah. How dare you, by the way? How dare you? Sorry, Kristin? Yeah. All right. Drew, seriously, double or nothing warts on the anus. Let's do it right now.

44:38 Drew First of all, if the talc was bad, what's this going to be like?

44:41 Adam You can't find my anus.

44:42 Drew No way.

44:43 Adam It's like trying to find Santa's mouth. You can't find it. Admiral Byrd couldn't find my anus. Did he discover the North Pole? All right. Hey, Kristin?

45:01 Yeah.

45:02 Adam I'm sorry. We're talking about Santa? No. Hey, Kristin?

45:07 Yeah.

45:07 Adam Your stepdad sounds like a pain in the ass. You sound like a pain in the ass.

45:11 Drew Well, of course she is. I mean...

45:13 Adam You can't run away. Can you talk to your mother about your stepdad?

45:17 I have. She said there's no way she'll leave my stepdad.

45:21 Drew How about your biological dad?

45:22 Adam Well, she doesn't need to leave him. She just needs to talk to him, tell him to tone it down a little bit, right?

45:28 Caller He won't.

45:29 She's tried that.

45:30 Adam Oh, well, he says you're going to get pregnant and all that. But what else does he say?

45:36 Caller He's also offered.

45:37 My brother went through a suicidal period, and he offered to help him.

45:42 Adam Now, that just sounds like he's being helpful. That's all. Bad guy. All right. I don't know. You can't run away. You have nowhere to go.

45:51 Drew Do you have any sort of support at school or school counselor or anybody in the community you can go to?

45:58 Adam Yeah. Who do you have?

46:00 I have a friend that is 26.

46:06 Caller He's offered that if-

46:08 Drew He's offered?

46:09 Adam Oh, she's a jukebox, a kicker.

46:11 Drew Don't do anything with 26-year-old. That does not sound good.

46:13 Adam Hey, Kristen. Listen, I know this may sound naive and I don't want to make less out of your situation than what it is, but you don't have many alternatives and here's what it is. You got to go to school, you got to get your grades good, you got to get involved with a whole bunch of crap. That keeps you out of the house all the time and then you have to come home, eat your meals, do your homework, and go to bed and stay out of this guy's crosshairs. You got a couple more years of this and then you go off to college.

46:40 Drew You live with your dad most of the time though, right?

46:42 Adam Yes. All right.

46:42 Drew He doesn't live with this guy.

46:43 Adam Listen, I don't know why I don't perceive this is real a problem as she says. Maybe it's her attitude. You know what I'm talking about?

46:52 Drew It's a problem.

46:52 Adam But it doesn't seem like enough to go to a foster home or to run away or any of that stuff. I'm sorry your mom's a bitch and your stepdad's an a-hole.

47:02 Drew And the biological dad's ignoring her. She needs to go out and get a supportive group of friends.

47:07 Adam But listen, I got to give this speech one more time. If you have crappy parents and the situation is not good at home, provided they're not raping you or beating you, they're just bad parents. Maybe they're a little abusive. Maybe they don't care. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Start playing sports, start going to school, start hanging with your friends. Just stay out, and then you come home, you go to bed, you get up at 730 in the morning, you leave again, you don't come home till 830 at night. That's what you have to do. You ride it out for a few years, then you go off to college. Or like me, you enter the fast-paced, lucrative world of carpet cleaning. Or my penis went unmolested for many years.

47:42 Drew Untouched. Well, not untouched.

47:44 Adam Sierra, you're 27. What's up?

47:47 Caller Yes. Okay. I'm a lesbian.

47:50 Adam All right.

47:51 Caller And every time I have penetration, like deep penetration, I cry. It's not like I cry hysterically, but I tear up and I can't control it. I cry everywhere.

48:03 Adam What do you get penetrated with? A golf club or something? What do they use?

48:08 Caller No. Well, okay. You know, like hands and fingers and hands.

48:14 Adam Oh, you're crazy, baby. What happened? You get raped when you're younger? What turned you lesbian?

48:21 Caller What turned me lesbian? I was always very attracted to women.

48:24 Adam Yeah. Especially after your stepdad got to you? Yeah?

48:30 Caller Yeah. My stepdad did get to me.

48:31 Adam Oh, what a surprise.

48:34 Drew Get another 20 bucks.

48:36 Adam Clairvoyant.

48:37 Caller I actually ended up leaving home at 14.

48:39 Drew Right. But the point is, bingo.

48:40 Caller I became an adult.

48:41 Adam But that all came after you were attracted to women. What did your stepdad do to you?

48:46 Caller He molested me and then when I reported it, they said that I was crazy.

48:51 Adam All right. So, listen, Sarah, we got to take a break. Here's the deal. I'm still celebrating my penis, by the way. That's why I'm a little bit distracted. You're freaked out, I think, because your stepdad penetrated you.

49:06 Caller He didn't penetrate me.

49:08 Adam He didn't?

49:09 Caller No. He molested me, but he did not penetrate me.

49:12 Adam It was just a light molesting.

49:14 Caller No, it was disgusting. I mean, my mom is still with him.

49:17 Adam Okay. But I think the penetration symbolizes a man.

49:20 Drew Trigger some of those issues, let's say.

49:22 Caller I just had a hysterectomy, so I was like a year ago.

49:26 Adam Boy, that's penetration.

49:27 Caller Yeah, I didn't know if that's maybe why.

49:30 Adam Sarah, listen, you got to get some counseling. You got to talk to your shrink about this. I've told everyone at this time and time. My dad missed a couple of Pop Warner football games. I'm still in therapy.

49:40 Drew Seven years, ten years.

49:40 Adam Your stepdad rapes you, you have to go to therapy. Go there, talk to the therapist, and magically, the penetration issues will go away. All right, Molly Sims, who is the new host of House of Style on our fabulous station MTV is going to be in here to examine my pristine penis after this. Oh, yeah. Hey, it's Loveline. There we go.

50:43 Caller Now, Adam Corolla.

50:44 Drew Where was I?

50:45 Adam He did it. He stood up and gave a big point to Anderson did. That's why I got in a radio. Second half, a producer, I mean, a engineer pointed me that way. Phone number for Loveline, 1-800-LEVE-191, System of a Down. Our old friends will be in here tomorrow night. Last time System of a Down was in here. I drove out to one of the guy's houses to get a porno movie off him during the show, if I recall.

51:11 Drew Oh, yes.

51:12 Adam Oh, yes.

51:12 Drew I've never seen such excitement.

51:14 Adam Taboo 2. Here's the theme song. All right, Anderson, that's enough. Molly Sims is our guest tonight. She's from MTV. She's from House of Style, which airs on the Fabulous MTV Network, if in fact it is a network, 2.30 and 11 o'clock, twice a day. And also, how does the Mission Makeover work?

51:38 Molly Sims The Mission Makeover works where we take Southern California kids, because the Beach House is located in San Diego this summer, and we take kids.

51:46 Adam Have you been to the Beach House?

51:48 Molly Sims I have been to the Beach House.

51:49 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake, everybody.

51:51 Molly Sims Adam, I have a question. How is your penis, Adam?

51:53 Adam Pristine.

51:54 Drew Vindicated.

51:54 Molly Sims It's pristine?

51:55 Drew It is. I'll vouch for it.

51:57 Molly Sims Yeah?

51:57 Adam This is a doctor.

51:59 Drew Bonafide certified.

52:00 Adam That's right.

52:01 Drew I'm disgusted.

52:02 Adam It's like a car that's never been out of the showroom.

52:04 Molly Sims Are you going to take a bath when you finish?

52:06 Drew No, he, it smelled nice. He'd been bathing.

52:08 Molly Sims I heard you were going to be in the fetal position.

52:10 Adam I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to go home. I'm going to take a victory lap around my house in the nude, and then it's right to the ritualistic masturbation in the basement. Right, Drew?

52:23 Drew I'm just trying to think. Maybe you actually did pull your penis off looking at Jenna Jamieson's CD, and you attached somebody else's.

52:29 Adam I did take a look at that DVD. I got my porn DVD back from a guy who brought it to Texas with him the other day. But that's another story. Let's focus on House of Style and Mission Makeover. Yeah. Now, wait, is Mission Makeover separate from House of Style then, right?

52:47 Molly Sims House of Style presents Mission Makeover.

52:49 Adam I see.

52:50 Molly Sims It's a production of House of Style.

52:53 Adam So you take homeless kids?

52:55 Molly Sims No, we don't take homeless kids. What do you do? We take kids from Southern California. We make them over. We basically grant them a wish. We give them hair, makeup, stylist, wardrobe.

53:06 Adam These are all girls, right?

53:08 Molly Sims These are girls and guys.

53:09 Adam And gay guys?

53:09 Drew Oh, Adam.

53:10 Molly Sims Not gay guys. Gay guys, straight guys, whatever they want to be.

53:13 Adam No, straight guys. No straight man has ever been made over.

53:16 Caller Of course.

53:18 Molly Sims Do you need a makeover, Adam?

53:19 Adam You got to warn me if you're going to have any more of those outbursts. Yeah, I do need a makeover.

53:25 Drew That Santa face needs a little work.

53:27 Adam I need a look. I was reading your bio, Molly, and I saw something that I see in every model's bio, which is, here we go. Yes, Molly's roommate urged her to have her pictures taken and send them to an agency in New York. There's no model working that will admit she is beautiful, looked in the mirror one day and decided she could make some money. Why won't models do that? Why does every publicist have to say that the model was urged by some third party to get into modeling?

53:58 Molly Sims This model, me, was urged to get into it.

54:01 Adam I don't believe it for a second.

54:02 Molly Sims I promise you.

54:03 Adam You must have known you were spectacular looking from the day you came out of your mother.

54:07 Molly Sims I thought I was ever so fabulous.

54:09 Adam Since you were 12, people told you should be a model. You must have given it some thought.

54:13 Molly Sims Not really. I was a late, late bloomer.

54:15 Adam Here's the other part of the story. Wait, tomboy, ganky, too tall, skinny, no dates, couldn't get a date to the prom, right?

54:23 Molly Sims I had dates. I had a very good looking date to the prom, quarterback of the football team.

54:27 Adam All right. Finally, we're getting somewhere, some candor from a model. So you were not planning on being a model. You were-

54:34 Molly Sims Going to Vanderbilt two years, going to spend my junior year abroad at the London School of Economics. And basically she talked me into getting pictures made. And my mom and I were-

54:47 Adam Now wait, but how do you talk someone into getting pictures made?

54:50 Molly Sims No, but I mean, yeah, a lot of people said you were very tall, you photographed well, you should think about it. But I was at school, my parents had bust their ass to put me at Vanderbilt, you know, to keep me there.

55:01 Drew You and I spoke at Vanderbilt.

55:02 Adam We spoke at Vanderbilt?

55:03 Molly Sims Yeah. Vanderbilt's a good school.

55:05 Drew In Nashville, remember we were in Nashville? A couple years ago.

55:09 Adam Yes, yes, yes, I do.

55:10 Drew But the one thing, remember the kids were bright? Remember that? And uptight?

55:14 Adam Yes.

55:15 Molly Sims Uptight maybe, conservative.

55:16 Drew Also, not happy with your appearance.

55:19 Adam They weren't?

55:20 Drew Not how you presented yourself, but the comments.

55:22 Adam Oh, listen, screw those Vanderbillions. Please, what a bunch of snobs over there. Now, I was looking at this House of Style alumni list, and of course we all know-

55:34 Molly Sims Not about alumni list.

55:35 Adam Well, we see the Rebecca Romaine and Daisy Fuentes, and of course, Cindy Crawford, but Amber Valletta.

55:41 Molly Sims Amber Valletta and Shalom Harlow.

55:44 Adam Shalom Harlow. I don't remember those two.

55:46 Molly Sims Top models. Very well known in the business.

55:49 Adam Yeah. Did they have difficulty with the speaking part or something?

55:54 Molly Sims No, not much difficulty. It just-

55:57 Adam Yeah, they suck, so that's why they asked them.

55:59 Molly Sims No, no, no.

56:00 Adam You heard it here first. No, no, they didn't suck it at all. Molly Sims says, Slomo. Amber of Lennie and Shalom Suck.

56:06 Molly Sims No, they didn't suck it at all. She has a movie coming out tomorrow.

56:09 Adam Really?

56:11 Molly Sims So she didn't suck that badly.

56:12 Adam All right. Well, maybe she sucked.

56:14 Caller I mean, we thought.

56:15 Adam Crystal?

56:16 Caller Yeah.

56:16 Adam You're 21?

56:17 Caller Yeah.

56:18 Adam What's up?

56:20 Caller Okay. Congratulations on your penis.

56:23 Adam Thank you. Thank you very much.

56:24 Caller You must be very proud.

56:26 Adam I really am. I'm going to hand out cigars after the show.

56:29 Caller Okay. My question is, when I was younger and first starting to date and stuff, I was abused by a couple of boyfriends. That was before I was having sex and things. Now that I'm out and I'm sewing oats and whatnot, I like it a little bit rougher. I was wondering if it had to do with one had to do with the other.

56:51 Drew No. We got to dial the clock back a little bit further into why you chose the abusive guys in the first place.

56:58 Adam Yeah, but they weren't extremely abusive. They just liked the little ass-slapping, right?

57:03 Caller Well, no, no, no, no. The abusive ones were when before I was having sex. Like one of them beat me up because I wouldn't sleep with them and then another one was just kind of a dick.

57:14 Adam I see. All right. So now I'm with Drew. So why did you choose those guys?

57:18 Caller I don't know. I was molested when I was younger, but I don't think that...

57:22 Adam No, that can't be connected.

57:24 Drew No, it couldn't be. And that's why we were not looking for that when we asked you what came before.

57:27 Adam We're looking for something.

57:28 Caller That was when I was really younger and I didn't even remember it until later on.

57:33 Drew Yeah, but why would we be looking for that if it has nothing to do with it?

57:37 Adam Yeah, and not remembering something usually just means blocking it out.

57:40 Drew Yeah.

57:41 Adam It's not like a phone number or an address. All right. So Crystal, there you go.

57:46 Drew Who abused you?

57:47 Caller It does have to do with it then?

57:48 Drew Well, it has everything to do with why you were victimized and what was going on in your life at that time. What was the circumstance? Was it a neighbor, that kind of thing?

57:59 Caller Well, my mom and my dad were kind of party animals. And when I was younger, they would take us over to the party house and all the kids would get put in the back room, right? And then one night, one of the dads came into the back room and just started playing with me and a couple other girls.

58:15 Drew Awful.

58:15 Caller His daughter included.

58:16 Drew Yeah.

58:17 Adam Oh, really?

58:18 Caller Yeah.

58:18 Adam It was really bad.

58:19 Drew But that's the kind of sick F's that her parents were hanging out with, the kind of parents, the kind of abandoning, inattentive.

58:25 Adam It is becoming a recurring theme for tonight's show, which is you got to get some therapy after work this out.

58:31 Caller But it's not like I like you guys or anything.

58:34 Drew Stop. Well, the good news is-

58:35 Adam Listen to me, screwball. You need to get therapy anyway.

58:39 Drew Yeah, but hang on. The good news is she was aware that she was choosing abusive guys, trying to change those choices.

58:44 Adam Right.

58:45 Drew The sexual part, the part that's etched into her brain may be etched.

58:48 Adam Oh, yes.

58:49 Caller That may just be how it is now.

58:51 Adam Yes. We could never make a couple, me and my pristine penis. And-

58:56 Molly Sims And therapy is not a bad thing.

58:58 Caller Well, no. I've been in therapy. It's like I'm with nice guys now. It's just that when I have sex with them, I like them to be tied down.

59:07 Adam I'm sorry, but that's etched. It's going to be hard to get that out of you.

59:10 Drew Maybe. Maybe.

59:12 Adam There's nothing wrong with a little rough trade. You know what I mean?

59:15 Drew Well, again, as long as she's with guys-

59:16 Adam You know what I mean, right, Molly? Just a little bit.

59:18 Drew As long as she has capacity- As long as she has capacity for intimacy, like you're choosing guys that are not actually abusive.

59:25 Adam Right.

59:25 Drew That play with her, it's fine.

59:27 Adam Right.

59:27 Molly Sims No abusive, though.

59:28 Adam Right. Erin?

59:31 Yes?

59:31 Adam You're 18. What's up?

59:34 Caller Well, I had a breast reduction recently, and I'm really not happy with the result. And I was wondering if there's any way you can like regain them naturally.

59:44 Drew I'm afraid not. What's the problem?

59:45 Adam Drew, you saw you didn't see any scarring for my penis reduction, did you?

59:49 Caller No.

59:50 Drew It was so huge, though. What was it like before?

59:53 Adam Well, it was a problem. I really had to bring it in. I thought I was going to be a ballet dancer.

59:58 Molly Sims How big were you, Adam?

59:59 Adam Oh.

1:00:01 Drew Before the reduction?

1:00:02 Molly Sims Before the reduction.

1:00:03 Adam I it took a second person to measure it. I was always too coy, too shy to enlist the help of someone else. I never fully was able to measure it accurately. But I did do a water displacement test on it when I was 17.

1:00:19 Drew In the neighbor's pool.

1:00:20 Adam Eleven quarts came out of the graduated cylinder. Yes. Erin? Yes. What were you before you got your reduction? What was your cup size? Double D. What are you now?

1:00:34 Drew What don't you like about this?

1:00:37 Caller It's too small.

1:00:39 Molly Sims A C is too small?

1:00:41 Caller Yeah.

1:00:42 Adam How's your frame? How much you weigh?

1:00:45 Caller About 120.

1:00:48 Adam All right. How tall are you?

1:00:50 Caller About 5'7.

1:00:51 Caller Nice rack.

1:00:53 Adam I don't know. Wait. Hold on. Are you telling me you're 120, 5'7, with a double D cup? You know, me and my pristine penis and you could have started a colony of super pristine people somewhere in Canada had you not undergone this surgery.

1:01:10 Drew What made you do the surgery?

1:01:14 Caller Well, I'm really, it hurts my back.

1:01:19 Drew All right. So why are you looking then to get size back?

1:01:21 Adam Hold on a second. Why does every god damn caller calls this show tonight sound like they're chewing cud? Do you know what I mean? It's like, well, well, it's like I'm asking an old minor for directions in some ghost town. You people are 17 years old. You should be able to speak clearly by that age. Now, please spit it out. Try me insane. You know, it's a new attitude of the pristine penis.

1:01:45 Drew Yeah, you're going to sort of empower it.

1:01:47 Adam Yes. I feel like a super pristine penis man. Erin?

1:01:50 Caller Yeah.

1:01:51 Adam You spit out your dip, right? All right. So you got the thing done because it hurt your back and you think he took too much off.

1:01:59 Caller Yeah.

1:01:59 Adam But it's probably just you're not used to them yet.

1:02:03 Drew Most people-

1:02:03 Molly Sims Exactly.

1:02:04 Adam You'll be fine.

1:02:05 Drew Most people are reduced to the C-cup and going above that would not have taken care of your back problems. Okay.

1:02:11 Adam Okay. So here's the good news. You're 5'7, you're 120 and you have a nice healthy C-cup. All right?

1:02:17 Drew And there can be some growth still till 21.

1:02:20 Molly Sims Okay.

1:02:20 Drew Okay.

1:02:21 Molly Sims And a C-cup is still, I mean, for her frame and her size, it's still a good size.

1:02:25 Adam I mean, that's right.

1:02:27 Molly Sims I wish I had a C-cup.

1:02:28 Adam Yeah. I wish I had a C-cup too. It'd be great. It's my own C-cup at home. You know what I mean? Probably keep it under the bed, pull it out.

1:02:36 Drew You'd jank that off too.

1:02:40 Adam Brittany?

1:02:42 Adam You're 17?

1:02:43 Adam What's up?

1:02:45 Caller Okay. In the past, I can have really intimate friendships, but I can't have intimate relationships. Once a guy shows interest in me, I pull out.

1:02:55 Drew What's that all about?

1:02:57 Caller I don't know.

1:02:58 Drew What do you think?

1:03:01 Caller I don't know.

1:03:02 Drew All right.

1:03:02 Adam Listen, Drew, I'm done solving people's problems. I'm looking for sheer entertainment tonight, so keep going, Brittany.

1:03:09 Drew Did you lose somebody at one time, somebody you were close to? No.

1:03:13 Caller Just when I was little, growing up, I was always taught, like, my parents were really religious and I was taught, like, to wait, and we would have classes on, like, how you couldn't trust older guys and stuff like that.

1:03:27 Drew All true.

1:03:27 Adam What are you doing now?

1:03:28 Caller All good.

1:03:30 Caller Now?

1:03:30 Adam Yeah.

1:03:31 Caller I'm interested in a 38-year-old.

1:03:33 Caller Oh.

1:03:34 Drew Here's the deal.

1:03:35 Adam What did you get in that class, by the way?

1:03:37 Drew But this is payback stuff.

1:03:39 Adam Yes. Yeah. Hey, Dad, send me to catechism to learn not to hang out with old guys, and guess what? I'm dating grandpa. Yeah.

1:03:50 Caller But I talked to my mom about it.

1:03:51 Adam What is it that makes women so spiteful and vindictive? You know, they got to-

1:03:54 Molly Sims We're not all spiteful and vindictive.

1:03:56 Adam But you have a very strong payback streak running down you.

1:04:00 Molly Sims Men have payback, too.

1:04:01 Drew Not the way women do.

1:04:01 Adam Men payback other men by smashing their cars, though. They don't do it in a long, slow, cancerous way, like women do.

1:04:08 Molly Sims Women are emotional.

1:04:09 Adam I know.

1:04:11 Drew But women will do whatever behavior that would hurt the man the most.

1:04:16 Adam Well, namely the dad in this point.

1:04:17 Drew The dad.

1:04:18 Adam All right. So you're interested in a 38-year-old guy?

1:04:21 Caller Yeah, because I can have a relationship with him. I can't have a relationship with someone my own age.

1:04:26 Adam Well, how do you know you can have a relationship with him?

1:04:29 Caller Because he's mature and...

1:04:31 Drew He's a criminal. He's an idiot.

1:04:33 Adam Is he said to you he'll have a relationship with you?

1:04:37 Caller Not in so many words.

1:04:38 Drew If he is interested, he's a disturbed person.

1:04:40 Adam Do you know he's interested?

1:04:43 Caller Yeah, well, we hang out a lot.

1:04:45 Adam Well, where do you know him from?

1:04:47 Caller He comes into my work.

1:04:49 Molly Sims I mean, it's a huge age difference.

1:04:51 Adam Huge. Where do you work?

1:04:52 Caller At a tanning salon.

1:04:53 Adam Oh, boy. This guy is flawed. Really? Unless a guy has psoriasis, he should not be hanging around in a tan salon. Does he wear any jewelry, this guy?

1:05:05 Drew No.

1:05:06 Adam He probably takes it off because he doesn't like the tan line.

1:05:08 Drew Trying to pick up when the girl's behind the counter. It's bizarre.

1:05:11 Adam What are you wearing those things?

1:05:14 Caller Normal clothes.

1:05:15 Adam You just wear a jacket and tie? I mean in the tan bed.

1:05:20 Caller You go naked.

1:05:21 Adam You do?

1:05:22 Caller Yeah.

1:05:23 Drew Why are you still pissed at your parents?

1:05:24 Adam To tan my pristine penis.

1:05:25 Caller I'm not pissed at my parents. My mom and I have a really good relationship.

1:05:30 Adam Yeah, but it's your dad we're worried about. Why are you mad at him?

1:05:34 Caller Because my dad knows it all. He knows everything that I think and he's always right.

1:05:40 Drew Good thing you're not pissed at him. Thank you for pointing that out.

1:05:42 Adam All right, so you're angry at dad and now you're going to pay him back by getting on with this 38-year-old guy.

1:05:48 Drew That's the drill, Brittany. Break loose of that. Do something that's good for you and not that pays back dad.

1:05:53 Molly Sims You don't have to prove anything.

1:05:54 Caller So should I focus on people my own age?

1:05:56 Adam Yes.

1:05:56 Drew If you want to go up to 19, we'll support you on that one.

1:06:00 Adam All right.

1:06:00 Caller Okay.

1:06:02 Adam All right. Yeah. See, listen, it's a bizarre life, but everyone just goes through it on some kind of payback autopilot. Well, not everyone.

1:06:10 Drew It's like they're so united. They're so sort of fused to their relationship with the parent, that they don't realize that their self is caught in that dance, and what all their behaviors are in response to some dysfunction in that relationship.

1:06:25 Molly Sims And they don't even realize it.

1:06:26 Drew They don't realize it. It's just, hey, I'm my own person. I'm going out of 38 year olds. Wait a minute. You're going that way because of how dad pisses you off.

1:06:32 Molly Sims And bitter.

1:06:33 Drew Not that you're a separate person making choices on your own.

1:06:36 Adam Melissa? Hi. And by the way, all you people call up who claim not to be angry and then we get it out of you. The reason we get it out of you is because you sound angry. You sound very, Drew, isn't that the first thing you pick up? Yeah. When someone is angry, calls in. I mean, not necessarily angry at us and not, it may not even involve their question, but you can hear it. It's like they're grating their teeth while they're talking. Melissa?

1:07:01 Caller I'm not angry.

1:07:02 Adam I know. You're perky.

1:07:04 Caller Actually, I'm...

1:07:05 Adam Depressed.

1:07:06 Caller I'm amazed to talk to you. I think you guys are both wonderful.

1:07:09 Adam Thank you.

1:07:10 Caller My question is about a drug, ecstasy. I've done it in the last four months. I've experimented with it on five different occasions, and I find myself now, I mean, I don't do it anymore, and I don't ever want to again. I find myself having slight anxiety and mood disturbances I've never had before.

1:07:29 Drew Welcome to ecstasy. That is what that drug does.

1:07:32 Caller Yeah, I've heard. I've learned from you.

1:07:33 Adam Yeah, but she hasn't done that much of it.

1:07:35 Drew No, that's enough to get that. She's not having major issues.

1:07:38 Caller Yeah, enough for where I would notice it, because I'm a really happy person, and I find myself like pissed off sometimes.

1:07:43 Adam Well, maybe you need a little toning down.

1:07:45 Caller Yeah, well...

1:07:45 Adam It's a little obnoxious hanging out with you, isn't it? You're being, you know, perky.

1:07:48 Caller No, I'm not always happy.

1:07:50 Adam Smelling daisies and everything.

1:07:52 Caller I have my moments. I'm kind of excited to talk to you guys.

1:07:55 Adam Oh, okay.

1:07:55 Caller Because I listen to you guys daily.

1:07:57 Drew Thank you.

1:07:58 Caller Is there any, my question, is there anything I can do to reverse the effect of what it's already done?

1:08:04 Drew After five exposures, there's a reasonable probability this will get better by itself, okay?

1:08:09 Adam You'll be fine.

1:08:10 Caller Is there a prescription or anything like that that you can take?

1:08:13 Drew Yes, there absolutely are medication that will help with this, but you need to see a psychiatrist who has experience in dealing with the injury from ecstasy. And if it's not really-

1:08:20 Caller Is that tied to a suicide?

1:08:21 Drew Yeah.

1:08:21 Adam All right. Well, hold on a second, Perky. You're supposed to have some ups and some downs in life. If it's not really- It's all right. You're not thinking about suicide, are you?

1:08:29 Caller No, it just kind of gets intense and I can feel the anxiety. I can feel it. I just don't like it. You can feel it. I'm not always happy, so-

1:08:36 Drew Does it affect your productivity or function of school?

1:08:39 Caller I don't know. I find myself like depressed moments. They just like off and on. I mean, I did it on five different occasions. I took like maybe two at a time though, so-

1:08:48 Drew It could happen.

1:08:49 Caller I can just see the difference in my life because of it.

1:08:52 Drew Not a bad idea to get treated, frankly. If it's a critical period in your life, if it's affecting your productivity, and you're happy.

1:08:58 Adam Listen, if my mind was going because of taking X, I would just start taking more X and just call the line.

1:09:05 Drew Most people do.

1:09:05 Adam That's my plan. Molly, you with me?

1:09:08 Molly Sims I don't know about that.

1:09:10 Adam There's a lot of drugs in the modeling world, isn't there?

1:09:12 Molly Sims There is a lot of drugs in the modeling world.

1:09:14 Adam That's why I got off the runway. Couldn't do too much heroin going. I saw what was going on behind that curtain. I didn't want any part of it.

1:09:21 Molly Sims They just took off.

1:09:22 Adam Oh, they begged. They said, Adam.

1:09:24 Molly Sims Please stay, Adam. We need you on that runway.

1:09:26 Adam I said, no. I can't condone this. I'm going back to carpet cleaning. They said, at least leave your pristine penis. I said, absolutely not. It's coming with me.

1:09:35 Drew They have these body part models.

1:09:37 Adam Yeah. It drew after looking at the junk, I could model underpants, right? Have I put like a sock or something in there?

1:09:46 Molly Sims Do you look good in your underwear, Adam?

1:09:50 Adam You know, how much you've been drinking? You're drunk?

1:09:54 Molly Sims No, not at all.

1:09:56 Adam You want to drink later?

1:09:57 Molly Sims Maybe.

1:09:58 Adam All right. You know, you catch me at the right angle. I look pretty good in my underpants. Not the baggy ones, not the ones where the legs are loose.

1:10:05 Molly Sims You like the tight Calvin kind of fit.

1:10:09 Adam I wear kids' underpants.

1:10:10 Molly Sims Tiny whities?

1:10:12 Adam I actually wear something called underoos.

1:10:15 Drew You're gay.

1:10:16 Adam I have a Spider-Man number that's pretty hot. It's a size three. Pack myself into that.

1:10:22 Molly Sims Very tight.

1:10:23 Adam Yeah, very tight. That's how the ladies like it. The European ladies, mainly, but some states. Right, Drew? All right. Tara?

1:10:32 Caller Yeah.

1:10:32 Adam You're 18?

1:10:33 Caller Yeah.

1:10:33 Adam What's up with you?

1:10:35 Caller Um, okay.

1:10:36 Adam I want to say, by the way, that House of Style that Molly Sims stars in is...

1:10:41 Drew Currently on the air.

1:10:41 Adam Currently on 2.30 and 11 o'clock on MTV.

1:10:46 Caller Yeah, I watch that show all the time.

1:10:47 Adam Oh, you do?

1:10:48 Caller Yeah.

1:10:48 Molly Sims Thank you. Oh, good.

1:10:49 Caller I actually had a question for her, but...

1:10:51 Adam Well, ask it. Go ahead and ask it first.

1:10:53 Caller If you don't mind. I was actually wondering how you, like, apply to be on, like, Mission Makeover.

1:11:00 Molly Sims Um, basically, they took kids from all over Southern California because, like I said, the Beach House is located there, so they actually, um, did, like, a casting and asked people who wanted to have a makeover or whatever they wanted to do, and they auditioned, and basically, when we surprised them with the Mission Makeover, they had no idea we were coming. So, um, just right to MTV, and I don't really...

1:11:28 Adam Now, listen, she's... Who cares to her, please? She's a model, you understand? She's not some grunt that's pushing, licking envelopes in the back of the MTV building.

1:11:39 Caller I've been down to the Beach House, like, three times.

1:11:41 Adam Is there a person in the United States beside us? Yes, two of us. Yes, who's not been to the Beach House?

1:11:48 Drew What's really great is we've never been to any of the Beach Houses.

1:11:50 Adam Never. Five years on that.

1:11:51 Drew No one's ever invited us to the Beach House.

1:11:52 Adam Five years on that godforsaken network. We've never been to the Beach House, and we live out here. All right. Hey, Tara?

1:11:58 Drew Yeah.

1:11:58 Adam Well, listen, if you keep going down there, why don't you ask somebody?

1:12:01 Molly Sims I probably should.

1:12:02 Drew There you go.

1:12:03 Molly Sims I should say, how do I get on Mission Makeover? What? Just ask, how do I get on Mission Makeover?

1:12:09 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering, because my senior pictures are coming up and I was-

1:12:12 Adam Oh, okay.

1:12:13 Molly Sims You need a makeover?

1:12:14 Caller I would like to.

1:12:16 Adam All right. Hey, Tara?

1:12:17 Caller But this is Loveline, so-

1:12:18 Adam Yes.

1:12:20 Caller Okay. My question actually was, I've only had sex three times, but it seems like every time I do, well, it doesn't seem like it is, because I have itching down there, and it's not exactly like a yeast infection, but that's what it feels like, and then I'm always late on my period, like always, like two months late, and I don't understand why, if it's sex, that's making me do that.

1:12:45 Drew I think the late business, I don't know what that's about, but the itching kind of concerns me, because that occasionally can be herpes. People don't really recognize it as such, but it can be that.

1:12:53 Adam Another thing that was not found on my penis tonight-

1:12:55 Drew I didn't see it anyway. There were some little scars.

1:12:58 Adam Let's eliminate what wasn't found on my penis tonight. Crabs?

1:13:02 Drew Crabs. It kind of looked like herpes. Those manatees.

1:13:04 Molly Sims No warts.

1:13:05 Drew Those manatees with the propeller scars through it.

1:13:09 Adam What are you talking about, Drew?

1:13:10 Drew Those big manatees that live there.

1:13:13 Adam Yes. Manatee is something that's a creature that's indigenous to Florida that swims around so it can get run over by drunken Florida guys in boats.

1:13:22 Drew Reminded me of that.

1:13:23 Adam They look like big bull seals. Yeah. My penis?

1:13:26 Drew Yeah.

1:13:26 Adam Thank you. Yes.

1:13:28 Drew All right. Vaginitis is another thing to be concerned about sometimes. Again, these things are not a big deal, but you should get this checked out. You are sexually active. It's time to getting regular pap smears. Cervical cancer is an issue in people your age. Let's find out what this is.

1:13:40 Adam All right. Go to the gynecologist, get yourself checked out, right? Right. Molly Sims is our guest tonight from House of Style. We'll take ourselves a little break. Drew, why don't you have a cup of coffee, brother? You're running out of steam.

1:13:49 Drew Really?

1:13:49 Adam I think you sort of-

1:13:50 Drew I'm getting the excitement of this evening.

1:13:53 Adam You're emotionally drained.

1:13:54 Drew I am. I've just had such a run of different emotions. I don't know where I stand now.

1:13:58 Adam I know. I know. And it's the 100 bucks that left your count that really is killing you.

1:14:02 Drew That's the depression. That's that piece.

1:14:04 Adam Double or nothing on the anus warts.

1:14:07 Drew The little Christmas music, maybe?

1:14:10 Adam Maybe he's a rameen and a rammer. That's right. I may receive. You know what I'm saying?

1:14:15 Drew Catcher?

1:14:15 Adam Yeah. Maybe my boyfriend has warts. You see what I'm saying? We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back after this.

1:15:01 Molly Sims Yeah.

1:15:02 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Molly Sims is our guest tonight from House of Style. You can find her on MTV at 2.30 and 11 o'clock. She's so good, they put her on there twice a day. And also, she'll be doing a little post-wrap-up celebrity interview at the MTV Music Awards, which goes down September 7. You can also find her sitting at the MTV Beach House in our chairs. Never, ever been invited to an MTV Beach House.

1:15:37 Molly Sims I'll get you an invitation.

1:15:39 Adam Oh, no.

1:15:40 Molly Sims Personal written.

1:15:41 Adam I'm insulted. They hate my guts over there. Oh, do they hate me at that MTV.

1:15:46 Drew And Dodge Stadium.

1:15:48 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, it wasn't.

1:15:49 Drew What is that coming up?

1:15:50 Adam Don't get me going. Dodge Stadium.

1:15:51 Molly Sims What happened with Dodge Stadium?

1:15:52 Drew Okay, nothing.

1:15:53 Adam Played in a celebrity baseball game last year at this time at Dodge Stadium. Got into an argument with my manager.

1:15:59 Molly Sims And you're getting into an argument. I find that difficult to believe. Shocking.

1:16:03 Adam I've not been asked back this year, even though, ironically enough, my two partners, Drew and, of course, the Emmy award winning Jimmy Kimmel, have both been asked to play. All right. So where are we? We're getting to sports illustrated swimsuit issue. I just saw down there. Was that last year's?

1:16:21 Molly Sims That was last year. We're just about to start shooting again for this year, for 2001.

1:16:26 Adam Was the last year or wasn't the 3D one, was it?

1:16:28 Molly Sims This year, the 3D one. Well, last year is this year. It just came out in March.

1:16:34 Adam Right. But that's still, okay, that's this year, but that's last issue.

1:16:38 Molly Sims Exactly.

1:16:38 Adam You did it last, was that 3D?

1:16:40 Molly Sims That was 3D.

1:16:41 Adam All right. So I saw that. I must have seen you. Hold on. Let me ask my, yes, my pristine penis is yes. I got a big, big nod. We did see you in that. It's an imposter. And you're doing another one this year, right?

1:16:55 Molly Sims We're doing it again. We've already shot one thing.

1:16:57 Adam Where do you guys go? Bakersfield, New Hall area? Where do you usually shoot those?

1:17:01 Drew Antigua.

1:17:02 Molly Sims It's a secret.

1:17:03 Adam Oh, it is?

1:17:03 Molly Sims I can tell you.

1:17:04 Adam Oh, really?

1:17:05 Molly Sims Right.

1:17:07 Adam No one gives a rat's ass. They just want to whack off. They really do.

1:17:11 Molly Sims They just don't care. I shot mine in Hawaii this past issue.

1:17:14 Adam You could shoot it in the back of one of those above ground pools in the back of a trailer park, one of those doughboy pools, and no guy would care.

1:17:22 Molly Sims Maybe we could come to your house and shoot it.

1:17:24 Adam Absolutely.

1:17:25 Drew Now, you know what? The attractive women in the media, you see how they attract crowds out in the back here and stuff?

1:17:30 Adam Right.

1:17:31 Drew They get weird stalking stuff.

1:17:32 Adam Yeah. You had a couple of people out here coming on an autograph and whatnot, right?

1:17:37 Molly Sims A couple of fans.

1:17:38 Adam I thought they were here to greet my pristine penis on the way in an offer support, but as it turns out-

1:17:42 Drew They'll be cheering as you leave.

1:17:43 Adam That's right.

1:17:46 Yeah.

1:17:46 Adam You're 21?

1:17:47 Caller Adam, my boy. Congratulations.

1:17:49 Adam Thank you. Thank you very much.

1:17:50 Caller Oh my God. I don't think I have been so interested in a man's block and tackle. You and Dr. Drew duke it out over the fancy moritz on your lightsaber.

1:17:57 Adam He was all over my junk like a $10 whore.

1:18:02 Drew Marcel took pictures of it too, the whole experience. You see the pictures?

1:18:05 Adam No, I didn't see the pictures. He didn't have a picture of my penis, did he?

1:18:08 Drew No, because you told me you were going to sue him. Leading up with the woods light and everything there.

1:18:13 Adam What the hell is wrong with him? All right. What's up there, Philip?

1:18:17 Caller I just want to say congratulations. We look forward to every night out here in Massachusetts. And right now I had to call and find out because this show won't be on until tomorrow night here.

1:18:25 Adam Right.

1:18:25 Caller And I had to find out.

1:18:26 Adam Oh, I see. You had to find out.

1:18:29 Caller It's been itching at me, pun intended.

1:18:31 Adam You had to find out how the penis test turned out. You bet I did. Because you wouldn't find out until tomorrow night.

1:18:37 Caller I'm not going to find out, but I'm the first one on the East Coast again.

1:18:40 Adam Interesting. You know, I'd like to tell you, Philip, I really would.

1:18:43 Drew No, no, he's been on The Hole long enough to have heard the whole thing.

1:18:46 Caller I'm not going to listen to him pretty much because I have heard the whole show.

1:18:49 Adam Oh, okay. All right. So you do know. I just didn't want to. I thought you might use this to your advantage, gambling with guys at work over my penis.

1:18:55 Caller We're working here at night and it's just something else. It's been good.

1:18:58 Adam All right. Well, what's your question, Philip?

1:19:01 Caller Nothing.

1:19:02 Drew He just wanted to hear.

1:19:04 Adam Oh, okay. I'm totally confused now.

1:19:05 Molly Sims He just wanted to congratulate you on your-

1:19:07 Drew This is the first caller in the history of Loveline who wanted to be left on hold for an hour and was.

1:19:11 Adam Right.

1:19:12 Caller You know I'm not that busy tonight even though I am at work.

1:19:15 Adam Okay. So you have no question. You just want to congratulate me and my penis. You've got it. Thank you.

1:19:20 Caller You guys are the greatest.

1:19:21 Adam We'll send you out a windbreaker.

1:19:22 Caller Please do.

1:19:23 Adam All right. Janice.

1:19:25 Oh, hi.

1:19:26 Adam You're 14. What's up?

1:19:28 Caller Congratulations.

1:19:29 Adam Thank you.

1:19:30 Caller My question about child molestation.

1:19:33 Caller Yes.

1:19:34 Caller When I was younger, I was molested by my sister. But she was only three years older than me, so that's still molestation.

1:19:43 Drew Yeah. Child on child sexual abuse is a very common form of sexual abuse, but it means also typically that an adult got to her.

1:19:50 Adam How old were you?

1:19:51 Caller I was, well, it happened for a few years. From like maybe from three to six.

1:19:56 Adam Well, and?

1:19:59 Caller I was getting another dose of it from someone else at the same time. Like my mom babysat this kid and he did the same thing to me.

1:20:08 Drew Well, he did the same thing to your sister too, and that's probably where your sister got going.

1:20:11 Caller Well, it's weird because like.

1:20:12 Adam How much older is he?

1:20:14 Caller He was like four, three years.

1:20:17 Adam Older than you.

1:20:18 Caller Yeah.

1:20:18 Adam It's like sister's age.

1:20:20 Caller Like, say that again, I'm sorry.

1:20:22 Adam Your sister's age.

1:20:24 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Around the same age. It's weird because I brought it up because I blocked it out, and I started getting flashbacks. I guess I was kind of neglected too. I was little, and so it's like everything just started coming back to me.

1:20:40 Adam All right.

1:20:40 Caller I asked her about it, and I asked her, did anything happen to you? She said that my cousin had done stuff to her.

1:20:47 Caller All right.

1:20:49 Adam I'm calling in an airstrike, Drew. There you go. To eliminate this entire neighborhood. Listen, when your dad gets out of prison, I want you to kick him in the nuts for me.

1:20:59 Caller Me too.

1:20:59 Adam Where is your dad?

1:21:01 Caller He's right across the hall.

1:21:03 Adam There's a prison across the hall?

1:21:05 Caller No. My dad's in the Navy, actually.

1:21:07 Adam He's horrible. You have horrible parents.

1:21:11 Caller Yeah.

1:21:12 Adam Okay. Janice, you're 14. You sound like you're 28 and a nurse in Vietnam. I mean, it just seems like you've, you sound like you've seen it all.

1:21:22 Caller I've been through it all.

1:21:23 Adam All right. So again, we keep getting back to this, but you got to get some therapy now, right?

1:21:28 Caller Like, what happened is, in, I think, in February and March, my mom tried to put me in a mental situation because my mom has depression bad. And so it's like she stopped taking her medicine. She's just a bitch. And like, then I started, and they, and I would have freak outs because I was on speed too. Like, I used to pop pills a lot.

1:21:49 Adam Right. All right. Hey, Janice.

1:21:51 Caller Yeah.

1:21:52 Adam All right. So now it's time to take a little control over your life and not turn out like the rest of our callers.

1:21:57 Caller Yeah, I settle down so much. Like, this woman I met totally saved my life. I went to a counselor.

1:22:02 Adam Good.

1:22:02 Drew There we go.

1:22:03 Molly Sims Can you keep going?

1:22:04 Adam Yeah, keep going. You should have never left.

1:22:06 Caller It's like I've, I've, I've, I've like blocked off friends. I've lost so many people.

1:22:11 Drew People that were not good for you, right?

1:22:13 Caller Yeah, well, I miss them, but.

1:22:15 Drew Of course, but they're, it's not good right now. Go, stay with the therapy.

1:22:19 Adam Here's my problem with friends now. I don't know if they're with me because of me or my pristine penis now.

1:22:25 Drew Oh, no, that's gonna be tough.

1:22:26 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:22:27 Drew In fact.

1:22:28 Molly Sims It is gonna be tough. Yeah.

1:22:29 Adam Yeah.

1:22:31 Drew I feel myself strangely attracted.

1:22:33 Molly Sims Me too.

1:22:33 Adam Oh, really? Well, get in line, sister. Now it's all of America.

1:22:38 Molly Sims A no-wort penis. It's very attractive for a woman.

1:22:40 Adam Yes.

1:22:41 Drew No-wort never been used.

1:22:42 Molly Sims Never been used. Oh, God.

1:22:44 Adam It was still in the cellophane. It's like a deli sandwich.

1:22:49 Drew It's somebody else's, but never been used.

1:22:51 Molly Sims So Dr. Drew, what did it look like under the light?

1:22:56 Adam Look at him. He's speechless. He's flabbergasted.

1:22:58 Drew It was like a model.

1:23:02 Adam A model.

1:23:03 Drew A parts model. A model penis.

1:23:05 Adam You know how you ever see a new car tire still has the little plastic, little nubs on it from the pressing at the factory? That's what my penis has. It still has those little spikes on it.

1:23:17 Drew He had a portal of talc and there's lint and stuff all over the place.

1:23:21 Adam How dare you? How dare you attempt to humiliate me in front of a high fashion model? Stacey?

1:23:29 Caller Yeah.

1:23:30 Adam You're 19?

1:23:31 Caller Yep.

1:23:31 Caller What's your question?

1:23:33 Caller Me and my boyfriend have been having sex the past two times with a lotion, just a regular lotion like Suave.

1:23:43 Drew Suave?

1:23:43 Caller Suave.

1:23:44 Caller Yeah.

1:23:45 Drew Okay.

1:23:46 Adam They make cheap lotion, don't they?

1:23:48 Drew You're using this as a lubricant for your inner course?

1:23:51 Molly Sims Yeah.

1:23:52 Caller It was just there one night and we just decided to use it.

1:23:56 Adam Yeah. You ran out of lard?

1:23:57 Caller No.

1:23:59 Molly Sims Caught up in the moment?

1:24:01 Caller No.

1:24:02 Adam Well, you mean you're having inner course with this stuff?

1:24:04 Caller Yes.

1:24:05 Adam Oh, you're a genius.

1:24:06 Molly Sims Suave.

1:24:07 Adam Are you pre-med?

1:24:09 Caller No.

1:24:09 Adam No.

1:24:10 Caller I'm shocked.

1:24:10 Drew What is Suave? What the hell is it?

1:24:13 Adam Suave is just a brand that makes knock off cheap versions of shampoo and everything else.

1:24:17 Drew Shampoo, right?

1:24:18 Adam I think they probably make hand lotion or something too. Apparently. Stacey?

1:24:23 Caller Yeah.

1:24:23 Adam I'm smelling a little junior college on you.

1:24:27 Caller Yeah.

1:24:27 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People defend junior college vehemently. How come I can always tell the people who attend junior college?

1:24:35 Caller I have no idea.

1:24:38 Adam I know because no one else is that dumb. There's no four year university person that's going to put that scented hand lotion up their kazoo.

1:24:46 Caller Just be nice.

1:24:47 Adam All right. All right. So are you all right?

1:24:49 Caller Well, yeah. I just I. OK. After like yesterday, actually, I was going to the bathroom and in my underwear there was like a discharge and it was.

1:25:01 Adam Yeah. Well, you're now your vagina is like a dispenser now. It's going to be coming out for another 10 years.

1:25:08 Drew There could be there could be old stuff coming out. There could be vaginitis, either a chemical irritant or actually a bacteria that overgrows. Now you upset that environment and bacteria will overgrow that don't belong there. And it's again, time you're sexually active, time to get regular pap smears.

1:25:22 Adam Let me explain the vagina for a minute.

1:25:24 Drew Oh, please.

1:25:24 Adam It is like a that you explain the vagina. It's true. I've learned so much about the vagina over the years. What goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina. Who knows what goes on in the old vagina. That's my vagina theme song. It's like a, it's really like a little ecosystem in there.

1:25:46 Molly Sims An ecosystem. I love how a man explains the vagina.

1:25:49 Drew Biosphere.

1:25:49 Molly Sims Go ahead.

1:25:50 Adam It's like the biosphere. Biodome.

1:25:51 Molly Sims Yes.

1:25:51 Adam It cannot have foreign agents introduced into it. It's sort of like...

1:25:56 Molly Sims Not normally.

1:25:57 Adam It's why in places, island places like Australia, they don't, they check, they don't want you bringing any fruit into the country or any pets. They quarantine things because they could, some frog could get loose and eat up all the vegetation and really throw off the whole flora and fauna situation over there. And the vagina is no different. And you start introducing things that aren't pristine into that environment. I underline the word pristine. A little yeasty. And you get a little yeasty. That's right. Little yeasty on the pecker. That's going to be the name of my autobiography by the way. He had a little yeasty on the pecker-oo. Thank God Anderson sits there every night. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Molly Sims is our guest tonight from House of Style on Twice a Day on Fabulous MTV. And when we come back, Drew, we will talk to no one. Now, we will talk to Jay. He says sex hurts girlfriend every time. He wants to know what he is doing wrong. I will give him some tips after that.

1:27:02 Caller Hello? Is this Loveline? Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:27:44 Adam All right. Got a little more Loveline to go. That's Dr. Drew over there. I'm Adam, Pristine Penis Carolla. You know how, remember Bob Hope, he used to call himself Bob Texco Hope, back in the 70s when he'd do those crappy specials. I think I'm going to pick up Adam Pristine Penis Carolla. That would be my rap name. Actually, wait a minute, my rap name is Mayonnaise. I can't switch it from that. You have to work this out. Molly Sims is our guest tonight. She hosts House of Style, also Mission Makeover where she goes to the mythical Beach House that MTV claims to set up every year in our backyard, although we've never been there before. You can also find her at the MTV Music Awards on September 7th conducting interviews with some of the big celebrities. Hey, isn't doing interviews, doesn't that suck?

1:28:37 Molly Sims It's a little nerve-wracking. I have to be honest with you.

1:28:39 Adam I really, it's really the only part of this job I don't like is the part where I have to talk to other people about them. You know what I mean?

1:28:47 Molly Sims Well, you, when you're a host, you have to do that.

1:28:49 Adam I know, I know. I'm trying to work that out. And then I would always be scared to death to do like some red carpet interviews because-

1:28:57 Molly Sims Red carpet is difficult. I mean, you know.

1:28:59 Adam I would, every single person, and Drew, you do this to, who walked up the red carpet, you go, I know that dude. I know that dude. That's the guy. Hey, hey, hey, hey. He played the wacky neighbor from. You'd never get the guy's name. And I know they must have an earpiece. They have an earpiece. And some spotters and some guy-

1:29:13 Molly Sims Or a producer yelling, that's Chris Klein or George. George Clooney.

1:29:18 Adam Right. Don't know Chris Klein. I see. That's where I'd be. That's where I'd be in trouble.

1:29:22 Drew You're toast.

1:29:23 Adam Yeah.

1:29:23 Molly Sims You'd be toast on the red carpet.

1:29:25 Adam Yeah. There'd be a lot of, hey guy, what's happening, bro?

1:29:31 Drew That was scary. You would have spent two hours in the studio with him.

1:29:33 Adam Hey, listen, when we had, who do we have in here? Janine, who am I trying to think of?

1:29:39 Molly Sims Janine Garofalo?

1:29:40 Adam Yes. Janine Garofalo.

1:29:42 Molly Sims Garofalo.

1:29:43 Adam Right. She would see you'd be screwed if you talked to her too.

1:29:46 Molly Sims I pronounce you last name wrong.

1:29:47 Adam She did the TV show and the radio show twice, I think. Right? Yeah. I went up and introduced myself to her before the third time she did the radio show. Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Adam. Thanks for coming up. I've done both of your shows a bunch of times. Asshole. I know. So I stopped that. Jay?

1:30:05 Yeah.

1:30:05 Adam You're 18? What's up?

1:30:07 Caller Alright. I've had sex with my girlfriend maybe four times and she was a virgin the first time. It hurt her the first time, of course. But the second time and third time she said, she told me it hurt worse than the first time and it's really frustrating because every time she stopped short of, you know, before I can...

1:30:27 Adam Right. Alright. The reason it hurt more is because it hurt the first time and she's freaked out for the second.

1:30:32 Drew Maybe.

1:30:33 Adam Don't you think?

1:30:34 Drew Or she may just be generally freaked out. Is she having trouble at penetration?

1:30:38 Adam Yeah.

1:30:39 Drew That's when it starts to hurt, right? Right away.

1:30:40 Adam Right.

1:30:41 Drew Yeah. That most commonly is being uptight, frankly, and having spasm of the muscles down there.

1:30:48 Adam Yeah.

1:30:48 Molly Sims A little bit of anxiety.

1:30:50 Drew Yeah. Anxiety problems.

1:30:51 Adam I remember the first time I was rectally raped.

1:30:53 Drew Maybe vaginismus. Ho, ho, ho.

1:30:55 Adam Oh, my God.

1:30:55 Molly Sims You were rectally raped?

1:30:57 Drew Oh, yes.

1:30:57 Molly Sims Adam.

1:30:57 Adam Yes. At summer camp. Yeah. It was a very painful experience. But after I learned to sort of just relax and go with it, no problem.

1:31:06 Molly Sims It was okay.

1:31:07 Drew How old is she, Jay?

1:31:08 Caller She's 16.

1:31:09 Drew She may not be ready for all this. And then maybe her body telling her that.

1:31:13 Adam How are you hung, Jay?

1:31:15 Caller I don't know about average, I'd say.

1:31:18 Adam I see. All right. So it's not that you're unusually girthy or anything.

1:31:21 Molly Sims Large.

1:31:22 Adam How about some lubrication?

1:31:25 Caller I have a condom with lubrication on it, but...

1:31:27 Molly Sims Maybe some suave.

1:31:28 Adam Yeah. Just get a big thing of generic shampoo and dump it on your penis. All right. Jay, yeah, she needs to relax. All right. She needs to feel more comfortable. So you just need to slow the whole thing down.

1:31:40 Molly Sims Maybe she's just like Dr. Drew said, she's just not ready.

1:31:42 Drew She may not be ready for this.

1:31:43 Adam Right.

1:31:43 Molly Sims I mean, 16 is young.

1:31:45 Adam All right, Jay. Yeah. Now you stick with the oral sex, right? All right. All right. Jesus Christ. I couldn't imagine performing oral sex on a woman when I was that age. I wouldn't know what the hell was going on.

1:31:56 Drew That's not what's going on so much.

1:31:58 Adam That isn't?

1:31:58 Drew Exactly. It's the girls doing it on the couch.

1:32:00 Adam Oh, really? Oh, that I could get behind.

1:32:02 Drew That's going on like crazy.

1:32:03 Molly Sims You would like that.

1:32:05 Adam Hypothetically, yes, although my penis may not be as pristine at the ripe old age of 36 had that been going on when I was in high school. Right, Drew? Yeah. That's right. Shannon?

1:32:16 Caller Hi.

1:32:16 Adam You're 16.

1:32:17 Caller Yeah.

1:32:18 Adam What's up?

1:32:18 Caller I just want to say I love your show.

1:32:20 Adam Thanks.

1:32:20 Caller And Adam?

1:32:21 Adam Our show or House of Style?

1:32:24 Caller Well, your show, Loveline.

1:32:25 Adam All right. But you like House of Style too, right?

1:32:27 Caller Yes, I do.

1:32:28 Adam There you go.

1:32:30 Caller My question is that my boyfriend's penis is curved downward. I was just wondering, is that normal? Is it possible to have sex like that?

1:32:40 Drew Yes. Is it just towards the tip that it curves down or the whole thing?

1:32:44 Caller Just towards the tip.

1:32:45 Drew Because sometimes scarring from circumcision can pull the penis one direction or another.

1:32:50 Caller He's not circumcised, though.

1:32:51 Adam All right. No guys have penises that go down, though, do they?

1:32:55 Drew Oh, yeah. They can go down this way or they can go down that way.

1:32:58 Adam That's a low self-esteem.

1:33:00 Caller Really?

1:33:00 Adam Yeah, he doesn't feel good about himself. If his penis was pristine like mine, it would go up.

1:33:05 Molly Sims It was very erect.

1:33:07 Caller You don't think it will cause discomfort or anything?

1:33:09 Adam No.

1:33:10 Drew That's actually the direction your vagina goes.

1:33:12 Adam Really? Are you sure that vagina goes down?

1:33:15 Drew Can I bring this stuff out?

1:33:16 Adam No, I don't want to see any real pictures.

1:33:17 Drew Give me the book.

1:33:18 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake.

1:33:20 Molly Sims We're looking at the vagina book right now.

1:33:21 Adam This always adds five minutes to my masturbatory session when I see these animatonical pictures here.

1:33:28 Molly Sims The vagina really goes down, Dr. Drew?

1:33:31 Drew Look, this is the woman lying on her back. That's the direction it goes.

1:33:34 Adam Let me see the vagina. Where is she? She's on her back?

1:33:37 Drew Yeah, and it goes that way.

1:33:39 Adam It goes that way. Yeah, but listen, it's at an angle that way, do we? Yeah. If your penis is going that way, you're going to have a crucifix.

1:33:48 Molly Sims No, he's coming that way.

1:33:49 Drew He's going to be here, going that way.

1:33:50 Adam Wait, this is the front now? Yes, yes. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm no wonder. No wonder I've been having all these problems. Exactly. You don't go in from the belly button there. You're going from the other end? Seriously, tell me, Drew, because you go in from the smelly part? Are you serious? Really? You guys do that?

1:34:14 Drew It's a big night for you.

1:34:15 Adam It's all moist and stuff. Oh my god.

1:34:19 Caller Adam.

1:34:20 Adam I didn't know. Yes?

1:34:21 Caller By the way, I want to say I saw you on TV and I think you're hot.

1:34:25 Adam Yes. Thank you.

1:34:26 Molly Sims He's hot.

1:34:27 Drew Was that the Killborn show where he incensed the entire Hollywood community?

1:34:31 Caller I just saw you on a clip from a movie down to you when you were on The Man Show.

1:34:37 Adam That's right. I have a very budding theatrical career going.

1:34:43 Caller Yes, you're very cute.

1:34:44 Adam All right. When did you see me on Down to You?

1:34:47 Caller I just watched it right now.

1:34:49 Adam Oh, that Freddie Prinze Jr. movie? Is that out on rental now?

1:34:52 Caller Yes.

1:34:52 Adam All right. Thank you very much.

1:34:55 Caller Thank you.

1:34:55 Adam Take care of yourself. All right, Drew, I got to bring that movie in for you, that Brooke Shields movie. We got to go to Brooke. We do? Really? Yes. Real fast. Hold on. Let's talk to Molly. I think she thinks I'm cute. You think I'm cute, Molly? I think you're cute. Finally. It's about time. We never get anyone in here who thinks I'm cute. Am I lying, Drew?

1:35:16 Drew Never.

1:35:17 Molly Sims We never do. Dr. Drew is cute today.

1:35:19 Adam We had to go there, didn't we? It's cute. You realize he's...

1:35:24 Molly Sims He has a new haircut.

1:35:25 Adam That's right.

1:35:26 Molly Sims He's got something working for him.

1:35:27 Adam That's right. All right.

1:35:28 Drew It was good.

1:35:29 Molly Sims It was good. It is good.

1:35:30 Adam All right. So you really... seriously, the vagina is down at the bottom, Ann?

1:35:34 Drew Yeah. The moist end.

1:35:35 Molly Sims The moist end.

1:35:37 Adam Then where's the anus then in relationship to that?

1:35:39 Drew Give me the picture. Here it is.

1:35:40 Adam Oh, because then I could really... This really could get embarrassing now.

1:35:44 Drew This.

1:35:45 Adam That's what? That's the anus down there?

1:35:48 Drew See that relationship?

1:35:49 Adam Yeah. Oh, Drew, please.

1:35:50 Molly Sims I thought you were a vagina expert at it.

1:35:52 Drew I thought I was. Look at the back down. Down that way.

1:35:55 Adam Oh, okay. All right. All right. So I should reshape the direction of my penis now.

1:36:02 Drew Reshape?

1:36:03 Molly Sims Reshape.

1:36:03 Adam I mean, see if I can train it to go another direction.

1:36:05 Drew It was paper mache. I knew it.

1:36:07 Adam All right. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break and we'll be back after this.

1:36:13 Caller Loveline. We'll be right back.

1:36:51 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:36:53 Adam Yeah.

1:36:54 Caller All right.

1:36:54 Drew Good times.

1:36:55 Adam Good times. I want to thank Molly Sims for coming in here tonight.

1:36:58 Molly Sims Thank you, thank you, thank you.

1:36:59 Adam House of Style, of course, on MTV, 2.30 and 11 o'clock every day. See how beautiful she is for yourself.

1:37:06 Drew Thank Marcel. Thank Marcel for bringing in the good stuff.

1:37:09 Adam I want to thank Dr. Marcel for bringing in the woods light, the black light, the acid that he was generous enough to give to me so that I could dump it on my own penis.

1:37:18 Drew Apologize for calling him a pimp.

1:37:19 Adam I'd like to apologize for Dr. Marcel for calling him a pimp. Thank all of you for tuning in tonight. Thank you. Most importantly, my pristine penis. Now, I'm going to take that $100. I'm going to the border and get myself a filthy Tijuana whore. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:37:40 Drew Where's your penis?

1:37:43 Adam It's in your ass, Drew.

1:37:45 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2000